#nonbinarysully

[bemusedlybespectacled]

firefly

lowkey otp: mal/inarahighkey notp: river/simon[softly] don’t notp: jayne/simonhighkey otp but i’m scared of saying it because it’s not a very popular choice: jayne/kayleehighkey otp and anyone on my tumblr knows it: WASH/ZOE

[theboywiththepurplesocks]

brosciles tumblr com/post/135737723281

tbh I’m not that suprised because he also played his character in ex manchenica was bi as fuck. 

[scilessecretsanta]

it's never too late to apologize

Sciles Secret Santa gift for @hobroseyberry from @nonbinarysully!

a 5a compliant fix-it fic for hobroseyberry.

trigger warnings: panic attacks, canonical violence

~~~

Stiles’s hands were shaking and he couldn’t catch his breath.  Jesus… He thought to himself, grabbing his chest, massaging it, waiting for the pain to pass.  He’d just checked his grades and he was so fucked.  There was no way they were going to let him graduate on time.  He grabbed his phone but didn’t quite catch it and it fell with a sickening crack.  When he picked it up, he saw his phone screen was shattered and unresponsive.  Groaning, tears spilled down his cheeks.  It didn’t matter any way.  The person he most wanted to call he couldn’t.  Not since… Not since…  But thinking about that just made it worse.  He couldn’t think about that night.

Stiles threw his phone across the room, screaming a little.  He curled up in the corner of Derek’s empty loft to wait for the panic attack to pass.  He couldn’t remember the last time he got through a day without a panic attack.  Even before Scott had confronted him about Donovan, Stiles’s life had been spiraling out of control, but then Scott flinched.  Visibly.  Even to Stiles’s human eyes.  A part of Stiles couldn’t blame him because of Void Stiles, but the nogitsune had been gone for so long.  Stiles couldn’t even really blame the flinch on Theo, on Donovan dying.  Not really.   He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his fists over his eyes.

He wished Derek was there, or even Peter.  Those two assholes would have seen right through Theo, wouldn’t make Stiles go through this alone despite their differences.  He tried to not think about the fact that Peter was stuck in Eichenhouse or the fact that no one had heard from Derek in months, he’d just up and vanished.  He thought Deaton might have some idea where he was, but Deaton wasn’t saying anything.  Stiles pulled his legs up, hugging them tighter, sniffling into his knees.

He must have fallen asleep or something because the next thing he knew Scott was beside him, his broad warm hands tugging him away from the corner, except it couldn’t be Scott because Scott wasn’t talking to him.  Scott didn’t want to touch him.  Scott was repulsed by him.

“You’re not real…” Stiles mumbled even as Scott pulled him close and Stiles could feel his comforting heat.  “You’re not-”

“Shh, I’m here.  It’s ok, Stiles.  I’ve got you.”  He pulled Stiles closer and Stiles shook his head.

“No, no, no…” He mumbled.  “No, Scott hates me…  Scott.  Scott’s scared of me, and he should be.  I’ve- I’ve hurt people.”  Scott stilled and then squeezed Stiles’s arms.

“I don’t hate you, bro,” Scott whispered and Stiles shoved his face into Scott’s side, shivering.  “I don’t…”

“I’m cold, Scott.  Why am I so cold?”

“Because the heat’s not on and it’s winter, bud.  Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” he whispered back holding him close.  Stiles fell back to sleep again and when he woke up he was curled up in Scott’s bed, the comforter pulled close around Stiles’s shoulders.  Scott was sitting at his desk typing away at his computer.

“Sk… Ska…”  Stiles cleared his throat.  “Scott?”  Scott looked over at him and smiled.

“Hey, buddy.  How you feeling?”

“Fine,” Stiles said and sat up.  “I’m fine.  I’m better.  I should go.”

“No, stay.”  Scott got up and sat on the bed next to Stiles.  “Stay.  We-  I need to apologize.  I-  When-”

“No, it’s fine.  You’ve-  You’ve done enough.  Really.  I know you can’t stand me right now,” Stiles started looking for his shoes, but Scott shook his head, no.  He didn’t move to get up or touch Stiles though.

“You need to listen to me,” Scott said.  “I-  I was wrong.  I should never have listened-  I should have-”

“No…  No it was-  Theo was right.  Whatever he told you, he was right.  I- I killed Donovan.”

“I know.  But… But I never asked you what happened…” Scott whispered and Stiles bit his lip.

“I- I don’t want-  It’s ok.  You know what happened.”

“No, Stiles, you don’t understand.  Things…  Things went down.  I-  You’re my best friend, my brother.  I should have-  I should have gone to you first, and I didn’t.”

“What-  What things happened to you?  What went down? What-”  Scott shook his head, no.

“I’ll tell you after…”  Stiles took a deep breath but said nothing for a long time.  “Please, bro,” Scott whispered.  “I want to hear it from you.  I need to hear what happened.”  Stiles nodded a little and cleared his throat.

“I-  I was trying to fix my Jeep when he came and started attacking me…” He started.  He could still feel the hot metal under his fingertips.  “He came up behind me and we just went at it with all we had.  It was literally me or him.  I broke free and hit him with the wrench.  I was so scared.  More scared than when I was stuck in that swimming pool for hours.  It was me or him, Scott, I swear!  I didn’t want- I didn’t-”  His breath caught in his throat.  Scott’s hand twitched on his thigh, like he wanted to touch Stiles but worried it would be a mistake.

“It’s ok… Keep going,” Scott said instead.  Stiles nodded, and took another deep breath trying to let Scott’s soothing voice ground him.

“I ran in the school just trying to get away, and he was just there, behind me, hunting.  It was fucking scary.  I got to the library and went in.  There was that scaffolding and stuff, and I tried to hide, but then…  Then he started telling me about himself, about his dad.  About how my dad was responsible for his dad getting hurt on the job.  He said-  I mean…  He he talked shit about my dad.  But I waited to come out until I thought he was gone, but he tricked me.  He attacked me again.  I tried to get free, I climbed on the scaffolding and like…  He came up after me.  He was going to kill me.  I’ll admit I pulled the pin so the scaffolding fell, but I never meant… I never meant-”  He stopped his chest tight again.

“It’s ok, Stiles.  It’s ok.  You’re safe now, Stiles.  Deep breath in through your nose, out through your mouth,” Scott whispered and Stiles nodded a little.  He took a few deep breaths.

“I never meant for him to die like that,” he said, calmer.

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Scott asked.  “I would have understood.”

“I don’t know.  I just panicked.  And then by the time I was ready, Theo had killed Jonathan and he wouldn’t let me.  He said we had to keep it a secret, or he’d tell everyone,”  Scott’s eyes flickered red.

“I wish you’d just told me,” Scott whispered.  “Why didn’t you?  Why did you feel so cut off?”

“I wanted to… I so wanted to.  But I was scared.  I didn’t want you to look at me like you did.  In the rain.  When you flinched.  Like, I get it.  Void Stiles is fucking scary, but I haven’t been Void Stiles for so long.  I thought we were past that,” he faltered and Scott bit his lip.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t know that bothered you still,” Scott said and Stiles looked down at the blanket.

“I dream about it sometimes.  I see my hands on that sword, your face contorted in pain.  It’s the worst feeling in the world Scott.  I hate it so much.  I hate-” He paused.  “I hate what he- what I’ve done.”

“But that wasn’t you!  That was the nogitsune!” Scott yelped in a panic.

“But there was something about me, specifically me that drew both the nogitsune and Theo here, and I just.  I’m sorry, too.  I know I should have just told you.  I just-  I just couldn’t…”  He paused for a minute and shifted on the bed, unsure of what to say.  “What happened though?  What did Theo do to you?”  Scott looked up and took a deep breath.

“You know how I’ve been having trouble shifting?  And having asthma attacks and shit again?”  Stiles nodded, biting his nail.  “He was putting wolfsbane in my inhaler.”  Stiles’s eyes grew wide.

“Asshole!” He whispered and Scott nodded a little, smiling and then frowning.

“It gets worse though…”  Stiles chewed another nail.

“Just tell me,” he said and Scott nodded.

“He trapped me in the library during the supermoon with Liam, and Liam like freaked the fuck out, and attacked me.  Mason came to help, but it was too late.  I was so weak.  Theo came and- and-”  He stopped.  He didn’t want to say the rest, didn’t want to think about the rest.

“What happened, Scott?”

“I just-  You can see me, you can see that I’m ok, right?”  Stiles nodded a little.  “He attacked me, and I- I was dead for fifteen minutes.  My mom-  My mom saved my life…”  Stiles blinked and then burst into ugly tears.

“Oh my gawd, Scotty, no!”  He scrambled off the bed and hesitated.  “Can I-  I need-”  Scott stood up and hugged Stiles close to him, his lips brushing against Stiles’s cheek.  “Fuck, I’m just so sorry…” He gasped around the lump in his throat.  “I love you, Scotty.  So much.”  He clung to Scott, fists firmly planted in Scott’s sweatshirt.

“I know… I love you, too.  So much…”  They hugged for a long time, just clutching each other, crying softly.  Eventually they crawled in the bed and kept holding each other.

“I missed you…” Scott whispered.

“I missed you, too,” Stiles whispered back taking his hand and squeezing it.

“Has it been terrible?” Scott asked.  “Since… since…”  Stiles nodded.

“I keep having panic attacks, and sleep is like, not a thing.  I don’t even know what my dad does or doesn’t know because I never go home…”

“How long have you been going to Derek’s old loft?”

“A while,” Stiles admitted.  “It was the only place I could think people wouldn’t come and try to find me.”  He paused for a minute.  “What made you come today?”

“I was on patrol and I smelled your stress.  I couldn’t just walk away,” He admitted.  Stiles nuzzled into Scott’s chest.

“Is this ok?” He asked and Scott nodded, tugging him closer.

“I’m sorry I left you alone for so long,” Scott whispered, biting his lip.  “I just couldn’t yet.  I-  I had to work some things out.”  Stiles nodded a little.

“I’m sorry…” Stiles whispered back and Scott shook his head a little, kissing Stiles’s hair.

“No, we’re not doing that again.  We’ve said we’re sorry.  Now- now we just need time to process and heal.”  Stiles nodded a little.

“So we good?” Stiles asked.

“We will be,” Scott murmured back.

“Good.”  They laid in silence for a few minutes.  “When are we gonna kill Theo?” Stiles asked and Scott laughed.

“Oh my gawd, Stiles!” Scott shook his head.

“Too soon?” Stiles asked.  Scott shook his head laughing.

“It’s fine,” Scott laughed and they settled close.  “We’ll get him soon, don’t you worry.  He’ll get his.  He won’t get away with this.”  Stiles leaned up and kissed Scott’s cheek.

“I love you, Scott,” Stiles mumbled.

“I love you, too, Stiles,” Scott breathed.  Stiles closed his eyes and passed out almost immediately but Scott laid there for a long time just listening to the steady sound of Stiles’s heartbeat while trying to not fantasize about ways they would kill Theo, all of them ending in massive amounts of blood.

[queerlyloni]

☄

Ollie. Your name is the only skateboard trick I know the name of and can accurately describe (that’s pretty rad right?)

You also are so, so patient. A lot of the time I’m concerned to come to people and kinda melt down, but when I did you were so soft and so encouraging. And it’s all so genuine. You’re so earnest. It’s refreshing and it makes me smile every time I get some kind of social media ping from you.

[scilessecretsanta]

Dorm rooms and houses

Sciles Secret Santa gift for nonbinarysully from @badongitudes! // Hope you like it!

They were lying with their backs on the mattress, on top of the tangled sheets, and a few snickers wrappers, hands outstretched to the ceiling, fingers intertwined. The dorm room was tiny, but it made up for it in personality, as folk music posters, anime posters, Star Wars posters, and dozens of other posters demonstrated, courtesy of Stiles obsessive decorative mania.

“Do I even want to know the time, Scottie?”

They stopped staring at their hands and looked into each other’s eyes. They grinned softly.

“It’s a Sunday, Stiles. Quit worrying.”

���No, no, I don’t worry, man. I never do, like, ever. I’m just worried I’m never gonna leave this bed, I can’t find my cell and after a week or so Dad’s going to call I won’t pick it up and we’ll have an entire police squadron barging in. Chaos will ensue. It’s--”

Scott’s free hand slapped Stiles’ mouth shut.

“Please don’t’ ruin the moment,” he asked.

“There’s nothing to ruin, bro. We’re literally lying around being complete slobs on top of our own garbage.”

Scott laughed and knocked his forehead against Stiles’.

“I think we deserve this,” said Scott.

***

Scott and Allison had been dating for 8 months now. Allison’s family hated Scott. Scott was always busy at the vet’s in the afternoons. Allison trained regularly and intensely with the Olympic archery team. Things weren’t exactly easy, but they had discovered what love felt like.

Stiles not only wanted to feel happy for them, he actually was very happy for them. Scottie deserved everything good coming his way. Allison was pretty amazing herself, gorgeous and athletic. Extremely driven. Stiles was truly in awe of them. He barely managed to maintain decent grades himself. Were it not sophomore year being almost over, he would be very tempted to give into the exhaustion. Getting into a Folklore Studies Degree in college was one of the few things pulling him forwards. That and the fact that he and Scott would be hanging round the same campus. Hasta la vista, Beacon Hills High School!

He cackled.

On the inside.

Their gang was at the table for lunch break. Lydia was trying to explain one of the answers Malia had gotten wrong in Maths, though Kira seemed to be paying more attention than Malia, who was staring into space with a slight frown on her face.

Stiles’ attention was focused on the touching foreheads of Scott and Allison, sitting directly opposite him. He was intent on recording it all in his brain. The whispered words and playful smiles. He would remember them later.

***

Stiles was sitting at the top of the slide again. The sky was beginning to turn dark and Scott was meaning to tell her they had to head back home. Scott didn’t want to worry his mom. They were in 6th grade. They had to be responsible at their age.

The thing was, he could tell, even though Stiles’ face was a bit far and covered in shade, that she was having one of those rare moments when she didn’t speak much and was difficult to make her laugh. Her whole body was a bit frowny. She probably didn’t want to go home just yet.

He slowly climbed the slide’s ladder and squeezed himself between Stile’s body and the metal hand rails. He waited for her to say whatever she wanted to. He didn’t have to wait long, even now.

“Lydia asked me again why I don’t want to wear the dress she gave me for my birthday.”

Scott nodded.

“I told her why,” he continued. “She was very nice about it. Gave me the longest hug ever.”

Scott bumped her in the shoulder. Stiles had always liked Lydia. This sounded like a great thing.

Stiles rested her head on Scott’s shoulders.

“I feel bad because I haven’t told you yet, though.”

So Stiles told him and Scott listened. It was almost night now and they had to hurry back.

Scott slid down the slide and brushed off the dirt from his jeans.

He smiled. “Come one, Stiles! Time to go!”

Stiles smiled and came down as well.

Scott bumped him in the shoulder one more time before they jogged out of the park.

***

When Allison broke up with Scott on the last day of high school, Stiles felt awful. He supposed it might happen eventually, the signs had been there for a while, but it still sucked big, big time.

Allison was drying her last tears while she filled Stiles in with the gist of it. Stiles already knew most of it anyway.

“Scottie is not like other guys, yeah. He doesn’t—he doesn’t want the things that most guys, er, think about all the time.” He explained. “But he loves you a lot. You know that.”

Allison sniffed and nodded.

“I-- I know that. And I don’t mind it,as friends. But I wish things were different.”

“I know,” he said, and squeezed her hand in his.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault. There was nothing wrong there. But people changed houses when they didn’t feel comfortable anymore.

***

“Deserve what, Scott?” asked Stiles, lifting an eyebrow. “Do we deserve the hardship of trying to survive the supreme letdown that is college? In different dorm rooms? Tiny dorm rooms, I might add. And I am turning the blindest of eyes on our college debts.”

“Stiles, Stiles,” interrupted Scott. Again. “Focus on the important stuff.”

A wisecrack almost left Stile’s mouth for a fraction of a second, but he stopped himself and took a moment to think.

There hadn’t been a lack of hurdles on their way here. People who didn’t see them as clearly as they saw each other might have lost their patience or their interest.

Scott would never want to be with a boy or a girl like that. That was perfect and fine.

Stiles had met people who failed to see who he was, but not Scottie.

They both loved each other for what they were. That afternoon, for they had been lying in bed for four and a half hours so far, they felt what they would continue to feel for their rest of their lives.

They were home with each other.