#nonense

[perahn]

How the Tadfools Stole Christmas

Most people in Faerûn liked freedom a lot, The Dead Three and their Chosen, the bards say, did not. They wanted to murder, creative and cruel: They wanted the dead and the undead, like ghouls: They wanted confusion, the town upside down, So they’d seize command with a fierce tyrant’s crown. This, you might say, could rightly be treason, But they didn’t care. No one quite knows the reason. Old General Thorm, who stood for the dead, Was hating and frowning at Orin the Red: While Gortash clicked his gauntleted hand And “Enough!” he cried. “Do you understand? “We MUST plot and scheme! We MUST think – and quick! “We have to come up with some clever trick! “The people need ruling, and killing, and such – “Any more of this freedom is simply too much.” Then he got an idea! An awful idea! GORTASH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! “I know just what to do!” he snarled with a sneer: “We’ll make a new god, and we’ll fill them with fear! “We’ll get a big brain, all squishy and wet, “We’ll put worms in their heads, and just watch them fret “As the brain in the hat gives commands, they obey: “And then I’ll ride in to rescue the day!” There was more of the plan for Orin and Thorm, A false army to lead, and sly changes of form – But Gortash, the hero, had the best role to play, And grew bolder and gloatier each passing day. But down by the river, which he didn’t guess, Adventuring people had got in a mess. They had swords, they had spells, they had hidden chains, They had hard-won friendship, they had worms in their brains. They had a withered old man on their side, And a ghaik in a prism who served them as guide. They came to the Towers, all shadow-cursed dark, And they killed off old Thorm, midst panic and snark. “That’s bad,” Gortash thought, “Though I’ve never liked him, “Our chance of success just got slightly more slim- “Orin, my dear, you’d best kidnap one.” “Oh goody,” she said. “This will be fun!” But her temple was pillaged and her victim freed And Chosen or not, it was her turn to bleed. The adventurers turned their steps towards the place Which Gortash had made into his fortified base. “He’s crowned himself Archduke, so he must be rich “We’ve emptied our invent’ries, let’s loot this bitch.” They grinned and they smirked with sinister pleasure They slunk ‘round the fortress and they stole all the treasure! They took the cheese wedges, they took the clam chowder, They stole eighteen potions and all the rune powder! The pears, grapes and apples went into their sacks, Along with two shields and an enchanted axe. They grabbed up the gems, and what’s even colder, They took the roast rothé, the boiled beholder! They gathered the beer, the ale, and the wine, When they heard a small sound, like the grunting of swine. They turned around fast, and saw in the door Gortash was leaning, with five guards or more. “Hello,” that Gortash most charmingly said, “You’ve got pretty far, but soon you’ll be dead.” But despite all the traps, the guards, spells and fire, The gallant adventurers quick made him a liar. As he lay on the flagstones, bleeding, out-fought, He was hazily thinking a vague final thought: “Maybe my plan went somewhat astray, “And freedom’s the friends we made on the way?” And what happened then? Well, the adventurers say Gortash’s small heart stopped completely that day, Then they gathered his clothes, his weapons and glove, And into the chimney he went with a shove! Then back at their camp, as soon as it suited, They laid out a table with the good things they’d looted! They toasted each other and the good cheer they’d found, A merry and jolly and earth-shaking sound! Tomorrow would come, and it might well bring pain: They still had the worms and the ghaik and the brain, But tonight they’d rejoice and forget all that bother, And the withered old bone man carved the roast rothé!

[elalonso]

At the end emptiness stands with you

[mytho-nerd]

Do you guys think I can catch up on classictober yes or yes?

[randomruff]

I'M EATING RASPBERRY CHEESECAKE ICE CREAM AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME!!! MAHAHAHAHAHA- *Coughs* -ugh i really need to stop doing that.....

[troll-bound]

all a girl wants is to live in the woods and bake pies for the fairies

[emjoyy]

The levels of I don’t wanna are truly off the charts today, lads.

[iamnonsense]

i like you

"It's killing me to see you gone 'cause I never told you. I like you, I like you, I like you. Sorry, I never meant to, but who're we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say. One look at you and I won't have it any other way. I want you, I want you, I want you I want you to want me, too. I know that I signed up for this casually, but I fell for your tricks, I'm the casualty.."

badtrip. i really, really, really like you.

[lovegrowsart]

katara's face before/during/after beating some dude's ass

[if-mirrormine]

just realised as i was writing that the whole plot of mirror mine takes place in less than a week🧍‍♀️

[antiquelaceartist]

Us in approaching Loki season 2

[gaminegay]

Squishing my brain like a little cat hey. It's super cool that you adapted to be very responsive to potential harm or trouble but. You can stop. I am squishing you so gently we're not in danger you can cool it on the chemicals I am supporting your brain booty and going shhhh shh sh

[ghostcond]

everytime i open pirate and see my pirates sitting there, fly as fuck, i am filled with the joy only a father could have seeing his kids

[goldeneyedgirl]

Wait I NEED more variable stars!! Can I make that a request for Christmas or? Also, do you have any other bits and pieces of the STL alternate universe where he grabs her and they both leave? They make my heart so happy ❤️

I cannot promise/guarantee canon Variable Stars for Ficmas, but I can absolutely dig out some cut scenes or the Chapter That Was Scrapped at the very least.

I honestly never wrote any more of the 'Jasper takes Mary-Alice with him' verse because the OG one was just depressing and the one I published a few Ficmases ago kind of set them up to be happy together. However, I like a good spontaneous challenge

takes place after mary-alice and jasper had a nice healing, post-escape bath in the forgotten house (which you can read here.) (Later, Emmett will admit that it's his fault they went so far afield. It was his turn to pick the hunting grounds, and they ventured way out of their usual comfort zone. It was a spontaneous choice, not part of the plan, and that's where it all fell down.

The animals aren't as wary, there are no worn paths from previous hunts, and it is completely untouched. There are the odd scents - human hunters, nomads, the usual thing that any piece of land in this part of the country holds. But there was nothing to suggest there was any risk. He would never bring his family somewhere he suspected was dangerous.)

The thing is, he barely even sees anyone before he is slammed into a tree that creaks ominously, bark and branches raining down on them - there's a glimpse of a nomad, downwind, in the lake. Smeared with blood that is rolling down his back in rivulets.

And then he's having the life choked out of him, cracks spiralling up his neck and his panic bursting out as he stares down into dead red eyes.

(She's tiny.)

(No really, he needs to emphasise that it takes him a minute to understand that she's managed to manoeuvre him against the tree - at speed - so that she's standing on a boulder, holding him several inches above the ground by his throat because she's child-sized. It takes him a moment to comprehend what is happening, it's so unexpected.)

Right now, he's expecting to die. She looks unamused, and the male is already redressing to come over; if the Diminutive Devil is this vicious, he doesn't stand a chance against the male. He just hopes Rose gets as far away as possible and doesn't come looking for him.

The male is scarred worse up close, blood seeping out of his shirt like some kind of biblical nightmare, and Emmett's honestly wondering how fast his death is going to be. Between the two of them, he might actually get out of this without experiencing mind-bending pain.

(He's definitely panicking. Is she an Immortal Child? He's never seen one. She's so dirt and blood-covered, he can't tell. If she is, the male is going to be even more protective, with the whole 'illegal upon execution' thing. Shit shit shit.)

He's holding his hands up in peace, trying not to look like more of a threat but as he looks back at the girl, she frowns at him and backs off immediately, releasing him suddenly before folding herself against the male.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." he begins, his voice hoarse as the cracks heal, trying to back away as fast as possible.

"I didn't know it was you, Emmett," the girl says, her voice flat. "I didn't see you coming." She frowns again and looks down at herself. "This is all wrong."

There's no inflection in her words, but the male - with a dark look in Emmett's direction - acts as if she's gone hysterical and looks down at her.

"It's okay. You can wash off the worst of it." His voice is calmer and gentler than Emmett anticipated.

"It wasn't supposed to go this way," the girl says and this time, he hears the frustration in her voice.

"The best-laid plans, Mary-Alice." The male's eyes are back on Emmett and he really wishes he'd taken the opportunity to leave.

Except...

"Wait, how do you know my name?"

[cozymochi]

30. Favourite Disney sequel?

👁️👁️ My hot take is that

Pocahontas II is my personal favorite sequel. There are definitely better ones (Cinderella III is probably the best one, and so is Lilo and Stitch 2, imo) But… MAN! IDK! It just… idk I can’t explain why it hits the right spot for me.

… actually I could talk about it. But it would lead to such a rabbit hole I’d have to be one of those youtubers who do 4-5 hour retrospectives just to get the point across.

…Also I prefer it to the first one, low key…. It just hits different.

….

IDK IT KINDA FUCKS low key for me, and I will be the one person to say that.

- for the ask meme

[bad0mens]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Octopath Traveler II (Video Game) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Throné Anguis/Castti Florenz, Throné Anguis & Castti Florenz, background mentions of Hikari Ku/Partitio Yellowil Characters: Throné Anguis, Castti Florenz, Hikari Ku, other characters to be tagged later as they show up Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Curses, Eventual Spoilers for both Castti and Throne's stories, Suicide Attempt Summary:

Pain is something that binds all people, no matter their race, their creed, poor or wealthy. But the curse that binds Throne and Castti is something that runs far deeper, and far more deadly than a little pain.

(Follow-up to The Prince and the Magpie)

[pissfaggit]