#not enough to scare me away

[strohller27]

Man. Last year was wild (memories and musings under the cut).

One memory from last year that I probably wont be over anytime soon is when I was working a retail popup on the waterfront for the cruise ship guests.

A bit of context: At this point of last year, I was painfully homeless and when I wasn’t spending $2200 a month airbnb-hopping, I was living out of a tent at a campground to save money. My access to showers and potable drinking water was iffy at best (the showers on the campground were $2 for five minutes, and the closest water spout that worked well enough to fill bottles with was the literal bathroom sink. I’m surprised the water didn’t make me sick. The water from there often left a really weird taste/cottony sensation in the back of my throat that took days to get rid of, unless I boiled it first, and that was *if* I had access to a power outlet and an electric kettle. Also one of the airbnbs I stayed at got the water shut off for almost 28 hours because the host wasn’t paying his goddamn bills. But that’s a story I tell elsewhere). I had no reliable access to refrigeration, whether I was at an airbnb or the campground, so everything I bought to eat had to be non-perishable. For a while there, I was skipping breakfast to save enough money to buy myself loaves of bread, peanut butter, protein bars, and ramen packets.

If I wanted a hot meal, the best thing I could get was Tim Horton’s (and when I did, I was mostly using a credit card). Sometimes the only reason I could afford to both eat and have a place to stay was because I had built up Tim’s rewards points.

Thank goodness it was still mostly summer and I wasn’t also freezing cold at night.

And then I had to go to work and there were so many customers at that waterfront popup telling me I should give them discounts because “Well, I’m broke, I spent all of my money on a cruise!”

Oh? Oh??? I’m so sorry, you poor, unfortunate little soul???? Does the poow wittle bwoke babykins need a wittle discount??

First off, friendo, you keep asking me if the price is in ‘american’ because you forgot that you’re in a literal different country right now. Second, you’re complaining to a minimum wage worker about how, ‘everything is so expensive here! Oh my god you have to pay that much in taxes? What do you mean I have to pay taxes on purchases, too’. You have main character syndrome and you have the absolute goddamned gall to think you deserve $300 off a $500 handmade, HAND EMBROIDERED woollen cape that you probably won’t even wear because you live in texas????

OH, YOU “““CAN’T AFFORD””” TO BUY THAT 30 DOLLAR SCARF BECAUSE YOU *CHECKS NOTES* HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO GO ON A LITERAL INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CRUISE, BETSY-ANN??

CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER.

But the one that gets me the worst was when a guy was there with his daughter. She was probably 12 or 13. And she wanted to buy a little Canadian flag to commemorate her visit. It was literally priced at. Two. Dollars. Ninety five. Cents.

And he said to her, “Oh, come on. What good is buying this going to do? Who is it supporting.”

I was so done by that point I literally raised my hand and yelled.

“ME IT WILL SUPPORT ME IT WILL HELP ME DO FUN LITTLE THINGS LIKE BUY GROCERIES. AND EAT.”

The daughter bought the flag.

I spent so much of last year worrying about where I was going to live. Worrying about how precarious my situation was. My mother was on the phone with me almost begging me to “come home”. To give up on my dreams because it was too hard. Several people suggested that, including my academic advisor. But I wasn’t going to let it go. I let spite get me here and goddamned if I wasn’t going to let spite keep me hanging on.

And now I’m living in a place that has mostly everything I need. I don’t have to crawl under a desk to get to my bed. I don’t have to ask for permission or worry about who it will affect when I want to do something nice for myself. I’m able to make my own decisions about my living space. I get to set my own schedule. I get to do things at my own pace. I get to eat what I want to eat (and my landlady keeps feeding me, too). Now that I’m not hemorrhaging funds, I’ve been able to save up some money. I’m regularly showering and brushing my teeth. I finally have the energy make my goddamned bed every day. I’m taking care of myself in ways that seemed insurmountable last year.

I’m not saying it’s perfect, and there are still things I have to address (like the weird numb spots on the tips of both my big toes that I noticed when I was still living at the campground; like staying on a consistent schedule with my medications; like taking too many hours at work because I’m worried about affording things). And I’m aware that I completely lucked out that I speak enough Russian to be able to understand my landlord/lady. But this is so much better than I could have hoped for.

And the rest of it wasn’t all bad either. Airbnb-hopping was expensive, but staying in different areas helped me learn the city. And now I’m working at a place that I don’t hate with a passion like I did when I was working food service in the states. I actually really like my coworkers (and funny enough, the small business I work for really does feel like a family). I get to wear my kilts to work. I have the necessary knowledge to be a perfect fit for the job, and I was apparently ‘an answer to a prayer’.

The misty mornings on the campground were more magical than any other mornings I’ve ever experienced in my life. I walked around the campground and saw its little lake beach and river. I made friends with the spiders. I named most of them. Every time I heard the squirrels and chipmunks get into an argument I would giggle to myself and think ‘the girls are fightinng!’ I drove to the beach, and I saw a little boy hold up a crab he’d found with the biggest smile on his face when he asked if I wanted to pet it. I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to pick up the seaweed and eat it. I met interesting people. I made some friends. I went to a famous lighthouse. I rode the ferry to work and watched massive cruise ships docking, feeling as much awe as I did when I first saw Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I watched the sun both rise and set over the harbour. And I fell in love with this place despite all of the challenges that were in my path.

Perfect or not, I needed this. I needed to be self-sufficient and live my own life. I needed to see beauty and wonder and touch sand that was on a beach instead of on my bedroom floor. And I’m so sad that the only two times in my life I’ve really been able to do things like this and live the life I want were when I left the US. And because of that, I’m really not planning on going back to live there.

Funny that I had to leave the “land of the free” to really feel/be free, eh? Whatever the case, now I’m a maritimer by choice.

Here’s to 2024. May I learn from all that 2023 taught me (If shit sucks, hit da bricks. Leave. Do it scared. Do it alone and scared. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Find beauty in the mundane. Advocate for yourself and your skills. Make decisions that will provide for your future so that you can take the steps you want to take, even if people think something like learning Russian isn’t going to be useful. Take those steps you want to take to follow your dreams, even if your dream seems flimsy like a cardboard façade to you. Even if those are the hardest steps you ever have to take. Today can be ‘someday’, if you let it. The greatest adventure is what lies ahead, today and tomorrow are yet to be said). May 2024 be a year for more steps forward than steps back.

[martyryo]

they beat the shit out of each other, nothing more nothing less yk haha they're just exhausted after a fight and ready to go take a shower with their silly soap and dirty water huhu.

[luna-lovegreat]

Ok so Time’s like

Which seems really crazy when he did ALL THIS

But friendly reminder this is the same person who did THIS

He strong

[lloydfrontera]

i also like to think that as children javier and og lloyd got locked in a toxic cycle where javier felt like he had to. make up. for og lloyd's bad behavior. like a part of him recognized that his presence in the household was causing og lloyd to act up even worse than he already did normally and he tried to make up for the trouble he 'caused' by being as good of a kid as he could. and this in turn made og lloyd hate him even more because he saw it as an attempt to make him look like a worse son by comparison and that made him act up even more. and then the cycle repeats.

[babblingbonnabel]

🪡 + 🔨 | more yapping!!

NOTE: because so many bigger members of the Avarice Battalion are from the Omega clan, a big portion go to The Garden to celebrate the Omega Tree every Spring (a large symbol of longevity and legacy for the clan...before they burned down lmaooo!!!).

[bumblingbabooshka]

We as a society are not focusing enough on how adorable B'Elanna Torres is

[skoulsons]

Thinking about winter and their physical affection and now literally none of these happen under happy circumstances.

[almightyhamslice]

Tarta redesign! I've talked a bit about him already, so it's about time I showed you what he's really like. He is as protective of his family as he is in canon, but my version has absolutely no compassion or regard for anyone OTHER than Opila and their chicks. He's a wild animal and WILL scratch and bite anyone outside his family.

To keep him in check, he was fitted with a harness that turned his mask into more of a muzzle, and his legs were cuffed together so he couldn't kick or scratch (at least, not without falling over). As you can see by the darker stains on his face, the harness rarely came off & caused him to develop rashes. Due to his cuffs, he also can't climb like Opila can. He's more ostrich than flamingo, so he runs faster and is physically heavier and stronger than Opila (not that it's very apparent, the cuffs often make him trip when he tries to run).

I imagine he was meant to be utilized similarly to Opila, but had to be strictly monitored so he wouldn't hurt anyone. He is NOT a guardian and can only be posed with and pet by park guests if he is sedated and a handler is present. You can see from his wall art that he didn't always have red spots on his chest. If you're not careful around him, he might gain more.

Ramblings abt Tarta's design under the cut!

I wanted my version of Tarta to look like the opposite of Opila! He has no sense of warmth and is sorta rooster-ish, with a sharper beak, undersized wings, and sharp red plumage that juts out of the opposite side of his tail compared to where Opila's plumage is. I wanted him to give the impression of an aggressive bird who puffs out his feathers to seem scarier to predators. I'm also particularly fascinated by his origins as "The Haze", an unused cyan Opila Bird found in the files of Banban 1 and Banban 2. The name "The Haze" alone is so mysterious and cool sounding I feel like I have to do something with it, but I just don't know what I'll do yet!!!

Ever since his inception I was curious why Tarta is depicted with opposite-facing pupils in his wallart! I kept that design feature since it's striking, but I figured I'd give it a real explanation. I suppose his mask was painted first & meant to look like he's looking backwards, but then the designer realized that it looks very silly from the front. It's like... the design was made 2D like it was only meant to be seen from one angle, only to gain a new unintended meaning in 3D space. Like, I've seen it on MLP toys before! Like the old Zecora blind bag figure that appears to have been redesigned for this exact reason!

I thought of her first because I had this exact figure as a kid! both of her eyes face backwards. I've also seen this same oversight on a Rarity figure, though I'm not sure what specific line that Rarity figure was from!

Anyhow, Tarta's eyes staring in different directions were kept/canonized because the mascot designers are desperate to make general audiences not feel terrified of their mascots lol. And he can't hurt you if he can't look at you, right? (WRONG)

unrelated! I was thinking abt how all the birds are cake themed and how each of the chicks has their own associated type of cake. I wonder what Opila and Tarta's are? I think Opila would be fruitcake and Tarta would be red velvet.

[shakingparadigm]

In a modern au I think the wagyein would be like one of those gaint ass crocodiles that Ivan gets away with keeping because its technically a service animal. As long as its on a leash its all good and not a threat to the public!!

Ivan being rewarded with a more expensive and unique kind pet like a whole fucking crocodile honestly seems pretty in line for him 😭 especially since it adds a new "chic" flair to his photoshoots and his general aesthetic. Imagine Ivan's new photoshoot drops and he's in a suit posing with a fucking crocodile. Insane.

I really like the imagery of this large, scaly and dangerous looking reptile being tamed as Ivan's pet, something that could help boost his image and push that luxurious, enigmatic vibe. You know, like how stereotypical evil lairs have sharks or other rare and dangerous animals guarding the entrance or simply acting as accessory. That kind of vibe. I also like the imagery of this sharp creature being forced into submission and captivity. Forced to become a good, obedient pet, holding in its urges and keeping its teeth hidden. A being taken from the ruthless, grimy darkness, cleaned and maintained to perfection, forced to perform for the cameras. Ivan can empathize, he knows what it's like.

"Technically a service animal" is fucking hysterical. Ivan going Hello, sir! Please excuse my emotional support 12ft crocodile. Don't worry, he's very well-behaved.

I actually think Ivan would get along very well with his hypothetical crocodile. Just like the wagyein, he'd feel connected to it in a very personal way. Also just like the wagyein I think Ivan would be the only person it would never harm. In my head I have the mental image of Ivan petting and cuddling it as if it were a puppy.

[outlying-hyppocrate]

well. did you fucking miss me.

[suddencolds]

personal //

[mlembug]

Looking forward to more of this manga, chapter 1 spent entire 80 (!) pages on setting up a romantic relationship between a guy and a girl, and then at the very last page the guy got genderbent when they kissed.

Loving it.

[moeblob]

Anyway they can change between being tiny and human sized. And when they're tinier they can only be seen by the other fae or their selected humans. So if you just passed Noll on the street while Shavuli was perched on his shoulder chatting away you wouldn't see or hear her.

[coredrill]

so like. how many times do you think smith has heard isami say he doesn’t trust bravern and then tried really hard to change that when he becomes bravern only to wind up with the same outcome every single time

[storywestistrash]

i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans

[hecksupremechips]

Shinjiham is cute when it’s romantic but tbh I think i vastly prefer the idea of them being best friends instead. Like, neither of them really saw it coming and weren’t really looking to get another best friend (Shinji has Akihiko, Kotone has Junpei and Yukari respectively) but it happens anyway. Kotone takes a liking to Shinji much faster than she does anyone else and I’d say a big reason is just the fact that he’s so reserved that it allows Kotone to do most of the talking while he just listens and they love this arrangement cuz Kotone doesn’t get to talk about her own interests very much. Though I think some of her needs to talk to Shinji stems from this insecurity that he isn’t happy in the group and she has this people pleasing problem and wants everyone to be happy so she makes a much bigger effort to talk to Shinji. And it’s very unfortunate because Shinji intentionally acts cold and distant because he doesn’t want to form any attachments because he wants to die soon, but aaaaaaaagh dammit this girl just keeps talking to him and being sweet and encouraging him to engage in his interests and share them with the others and he just can’t seem to say no when she’s got those damn puppy eyes. And Kotone is just able to get him out of his shell by being persistent but not in an overwhelming way, she’s very cheerful and supportive of him. And Shinji is able to offer her support by encouraging her to talk about herself and by making sure she’s taking care of herself. They just click really well and make such a positive dent in each other’s lives and it’s all about basic acts of kindness going a long way you know?