#not every fic needs to be based off of a taylor swift song guys!!!!

[prongsandhisfoot]

please save marily from taylor swift

[landososcar]

so high school ; JB5

pairing(s) ; jude bellingham x singer!reader , jude bellingham x student!reader

summary ; twitters favourite new(ish) artist drops her new album right during her school year.

warnings ; nothinggggg & mainly just fluff bc i love happy people

note ; SORRY ITS SHORT AHHAHA, i’ll post a new lando fic soon i just have no inspiration… ignore any dates that are wrong or don’t match - im lazy. also this is VERYYYY LOOSLY based off so high school lol (it’s mainly the aristotle line)

instagram !

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youruser surprise !!!!! as an end of term present (for myself🤭🥳) and in honour of knowing the loml for 15 years, here’s 15 new songs for you guys to (hopefully) enjoy 😊 noah, thank you for trusting me and letting me join you on what might be one of my favourite songs ever!! i loveeee youuuu. && to my jude<3 thank you for inspiring me every single day of our lives. i love you bigger than the whole sky 🩵🩵 (guys he’s actually v v talented and he helped me write scared of my guitar, hard to sleep, and feels like) j, you are my safe place and these songs — especially the ones i haven’t let you hear yet — are for you.

ps guys idk how to only write happy songs but jude is the only one who makes me feel safe enough to express my emotions through my songs 😁 i looooovvveee him and am NOT 🙅‍♀️ breaking up with him. he is stuck with me forever💞

‘the alchemy’ is YOURS tonight at midnight 💓

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user1 WHAT

user2 YOU CANT JUST DROP THIS ON US WTF

oliviarodrigo my girl💞💞 i’m so so soooo excited😭

user3 GIRL I KNOW YOU DIDNT JUST CALL THE ALBUM ‘the alchemy’ FOR NO REASON. WHERE TF IS THE TITLE TRACK I KNOW YOUVE GOT HER SOMEWHERE

youruser jude and i love the alchemy the most out of all the songs and wanna keep her just ours for a little bit longer but maybe if you guys enjoy these songs i’ll let you have my baby

user4 YNAJDKJSKDKDIS

user5 WHATTTT songs did she not let jude hear omfg i need to know

youruser he’s heard them all except for daylight, paper rings & so high school lollll

judebellingham refreshing my spotify every minute til midnight you guys don’t understand she’s kept these songs in a VAULT

user6 jude i know you love spotify but apple music get new music 10 minutes early xxx

judebellingham just made an apple music account

user7 TEN MINS TIL THE ALBUM OF THE YEAR DROPS

taylorswift so so proud of you beautiful 🩷🩷

judebellingham I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

judebellingham putting ALLLL of these on the pre-game playlist

youruser babe idk if some of these will pump you up before a game

judebellingham hearing your voice will pump me up idc how sad the song is xx

user8 why’s no one talking about how she’s in UNIVERSITY and dropped a FIFTEEN song album like …??? she’s INSANE. WHERE did she find the TIMEEE

user9 not to mention she lives with him in madrid and does school online coz her uni is in the uk

user10 she’s insane i don’t understand how😭😭

imessages !

instagram !

youruser just posted to their close friends story.

twitter !

instagram !

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youruser surprised my fav person in the uk for his england game and he scored for me 😆🩵🩵

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user1 she wrote “you know how to ball” and he said “yeah” then scored a goal and did a celebration for her😭

user2 zoom in on pic 6 and you’ll see me laying on the road waiting to be run over

judbellingham ‘unemployed girlfriend’ but you’re the greatest singer on earth while also doing online uni full time and you still make time to be able to come see me

youruser it’s coz i love you so so bad

jobebellingham you make me sick

youruser i love u too jobeyyyyyy

england our favourite visitor💙💙

user3 how does she do all this whilst going to uni😭😭😭

oliviarodrigo 💖💖💖

judebellingham I LOVVVEEEE YOUUUUU

user4 i NEED the top in pic 8 where is it from

youruser i found it on depop and HAD to buy it😭😭 i think someone made it x

chappellroan HOTTTTT (you not ur bf)

youruser I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY WIFE💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

user5 i don’t understand how you write sad songs like the ones on your album if ur ‘in love with jude’

user6 jude deserves better than someone who’s so caught up on and still writes songs about her exes

user7 WHYS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS SHE POSTED ON TWITTER IM GOJNG INSANE

user8 LITERALLY?/!;!!/;@:8@ LIKE ??????? “WHERES THE TROPHY? HE JUST COMES RUNNING OVER TO ME” IS SO JUDE CODED WHEN Y/N IS AT LITERALLY ANY OF HIS GAMES

user7 EXACTLYYYYY HE ALWAYSSS RUNS TO HER IMMEDIATELY AFTER HES ALLOWED TO DO HIS OWN THING. ITS FUCKING ADORABLE

user8 IM SO GLAD SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME

user7 were both insane let’s get married

user8 dm me right now wife

youruser liked the comments in this thread

imessages !

instagram !

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youruser lol little life update coz i’ve been m.i.a. for the last almost two months. 1: i went blonde again. 2: my man still as fine as ever. 3: got engaged or whatever lol. 4: slaying up exams. 5: i miss tour so i decided imma come back and see you all soon 🤭🤭 tour dates soon <3

ps in honour of becoming fiance or whatever🤗 the alchemy and 4 other songs are yours on the deluxe version of ‘the alchemy’ ,, out tonight !!!

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user1 WHAT THE FUCK

user2 GIRL LET US BREATHE

harrykane juudddeeeeee!!! congrats🥳❤️

declanrice mr bellingham that is a ROCK

user3 SHE DISAPPEARED FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN CAME BACK AND DROPPED ALL OF RHAT ON HS

gracieabrams OMG WIFE IS GONNA BE A WIFE

user4 BLONDE YN IS BACK AND SHES A FIANCÉ OH MY GOD

judebellingham WIFE WIFE WIFE‼️‼️‼️

youruser not yet my love but so close🥰

judebellingham I CANT HEAR YOU MY WIFE IS AN ACADEMIC AND LYRICAL GENIUS

user5 she’s still writing break up and sad songs whilst engaged… so weird

user6 yeah and jude helps her,, he must be so disgusted right? seriously get a life and go touch grass

taylorswift so so happy for you 💓💓

youruser 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 i love you

user7 TOUR TOUR TOUR TOUR TOUR

england juddeeeeee💙 sooo happy for you two

trentarnold ❤️❤️❤️

user8 how girl just gonna casually drop a ENGAGEMENT announcement in the middle of a photo dump

user9 REALLLL LIKE THATS A BIG ASS RING TOO

noahkahanmusic YESSSSS🤍🤍🤍🤍

user10 HOWWWW is miss girl gonna find time in her schedule to do uni, make music, keep a healthy relationship, AND TOUR

judebellingham mrs*

my other works !

[luellasplanet]

question..? (lena oberdorf)

word count: 829

i must say this is rather rushed and I will redeem myself with another lena fic soon

based on taylor swift’s song ‘question..?’

in which you make out with a random girl in a club, who happens to be named lena oberdorf

Sitting alone at a crowded bar in a foreign country was definitely a recipe for disaster. But you weren’t technically alone, your friends were on the other side of the room flirting with some random older men, but you really couldn’t be bothered to join in.

The city of Wolfsburg was breathtaking, you had never really left your small home town in Portugal that often. But given the opportunity to go to university in Wolfsburg was simply an offer one could not turn down.

big city, wrong choices

You had just ordered another drink, one that was not needed, when a large group of girls walked through the door, one instantly catching your attention. The friendly smile she sent you instantly created butterflies in your stomach as you turned away quickly while focusing on the barman handing you your drink.

“Y/n/n! Come dance!” The voice of one of your best friends, Cate, interrupts your train of thought as she grabs your hand, pulling you towards the dance floor. Your half full drink long forgotten as you danced along to the music.

Lena, who was standing in the corner of the bar with Lynn, was watching you intently. “Go talk to her.” She tells Lena pushing her shoulder urging her to go onto the dance floor.

Cate and your other friend, Ana, had walked off the dance floor trying to locate you, they looked around until Ana saw two figures in one of the darker corners of the bar. One that looked awfully familiar. “Shut up, don’t fucking tell me that’s y/n” she says pointing towards the corner. Cate turns her vision to where Ana was looking to see you and a mystery girl passionately locking lips. “No fucking way.”

can i ask you a question? did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room?

How did you end up in that position? You pressed up against the wall while mystery girl placed kisses all along your neck while your hands were entangled in her hair as you lightly tugged on it when she kissed certain spots.

You don’t know, and you most certainly wouldn’t remember tomorrow morning.

But a new fact you learnt that night, is that Germans are bloody good at flirting, and they’re even better when they are slightly intoxicated.

You walked back towards your friends after one of the German girl's friends dragged her away,

and every single one of your friends was making fun of you

“Since when did you start kissing random people in bars?” Ana asks extremely loudly, causing most people in earshot to turn to the three of you. “Oh my god! That’s why you didn’t want to speak to those guys with us! You wanted to speak to her. Oh my god, y/n/n has a crush!”

You pulled both Ana and Cate towards the balcony where the three of you could talk at normal levels without having to shout.

Your glare was almost as sharp as a dagger as Cate’s eyes instantly travelled to your neck which had already started to develop little purple bruises on it. The lighting of the balcony made it easier for them to see your dishevelled makeup and hair.

“My god could you focus on my face and not my neck,” you mutter as you take a deep breath trying to calm you racing heart. “I need a shot,” you tell practically no one as you turn back around and into the bar yet again.

The music blasted through the speakers as you ordered a shot you definitely didn’t need. As you reach into your pocket to find your card you feel a hand on your back as you look up to see mystery girl yet again, paying for your drink.

“Oh you didn’t have to do that,” you tell her as she hands you your shot. “It’s not a problem,” she answers.

God that accent could literally make you melt in seconds.

You hadn’t taken the shot yet so the confidence the alcohol had given you a mere hour ago was long gone, leaving you a stuttering mess as you spoke to the taller German in front of you. “Um… I was wondering if I could get your number by any chance? If not, don't worry but um yeah…” you looked up at her after speaking, but were met with nothing but a small smile as she gestured for your phone.

She quickly typed her number and name into the phone before handing it back to you, “I’m Lena by the way, maybe we can do this again sometime?” She asked while rubbing the back of her neck.

“I’d love that!”

[ahonice]

Paper Rings

Paper Rings 

Mark Estapa x Fem Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: cursing, underage drinking, smoking weed, some sexual jokes, fluff (Who am I??? A fic that is only fluff, someone check on me) 

Note: this is my second installment of fics based off of my favorite Taylor Swift songs, paper rings is next because I am a lover girl just as much as I am a speak now girl <3. Enjoy, leave feedback (if my writing sucks tell me I need to know lol) Have a great day babes!!

*italics are song lyrics* (I recommend you listen to the song while reading)

***

“The moon is high, like your friends were the night that we first met. Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet, now I’ve read all of the books beside your bed.”

Like every other Saturday night since I started college I found myself with a twisted tea in one hand and a blunt in another. The only difference tonight had with the one that occurred one hundred and sixty eight hours ago was the scenery, rather than getting crossed in the safety of my friend's backyard I found myself in a lawn chair in a backyard that belonged to my roommate's new boyfriend’s friends. 

The conversation was hard to follow. I quickly found out that the drinks and weed I was consuming were being provided by hockey players, making me a little on edge because as much as I don’t wanna be that person, I have no idea where they got this weed. I used the guy who sat next to me as my guinea pig, like how in the olden days where royalty would have someone try all their food and drinks to test for poison, he hit everything before I did. 

Soon enough it was time to leave. I bid the boys a half hearted farewell, as I had only spoken to two of them, Johnny, my roommate's friend, and the boy who I sat next to who’s name I never learned. 

“Hannah how the hell are we getting back to the dorms?” Johnny had driven us there, but he also participated in the activities of the night leaving him unable to drive us all back to campus. 

“Good question. Johnny, is anyone not impaired here?” Thank god one of the seniors didn’t smoke or drink because he was kind enough to drive us back to campus.

During the car ride I sat in the passenger seat, as Hannah and Johnny wanted to sit in the back together and I wanted no part in that. Looking at the two in the back I saw how distracted they were with each other. I decided to ask the question I had been wanting the answer to all night.

“Hey, sorry if this is an odd question, but who was the guy I was sitting next to all night? Tall, blonde?” I asked a guy who’s name I didn’t know the name of a guy who’s name I didn’t know. I really need to start introducing myself to others. 

“Oh your taste tester? That’s Mark Estapa, and I’m Eric by the way. I know you never got my name either.” I smiled at his answer, typing Mark’s name in my phone before looking back up at Eric to inform him of my name. 

“I’ll be sure to tell him your name when he asks me tonight.”

***

Once I was in the comfort of my own dorm room I pulled out my phone to look Mark up on instagram. Quickly finding his account I spent more time then I had meant scrolling through his posts, his tagged posts, and a little bit of his following just to see what was up. An internal battle was occurring in my head as I tried to figure out if I should follow Mark or not.

“Hey Hannah, do you think I should–”

“Yes you should follow him.”

“The wine is cold like the shoulder that I gave you in the street, cat and mouse for a month or two or three. Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe.”

It wasn’t on purpose, I was too distracted by the essay revisions my professor has just given me to see Mark waving at me. 

“Ouch dude that was brutal, didn’t you say she followed you on instagram. Isn’t that like a sign that she is interested?” Ethan said, giving his buddy a pity slap on the back.

“Just because she followed him first doesn’t mean she likes him, she could’ve just wanted to follow him. Stop being so delusional Edwards” Mackie said, “Also, that was tough to watch. Sorry Mark.” He added, commenting on the way I had completely ignored him. 

***

That Saturday Hannah and Johnny had somehow convinced, well more like threatened, me to come to the party the hockey team was throwing to celebrate their season starting earlier that day. 

Entering the house Johnny and Hannah immediately ditched me to go somewhere more private, much to my distaste I begged them to get a room while they were making out on the walk here, regretting that request because they were now doing just that. 

“Need a drink?” A voice came from behind me, I turned around to see Mark smiling at me with a twisted tea in his hand. “Saw that you were drinking a twea last time you were over so…” He trailed off as I reached to grab the can.

“Thank you Mark.” I smiled at him, his expression mirroring mine.

“You wanna smoke?” 

“Kiss me once ‘cause you know I had a long night. Kiss me twice ‘cause it’s gonna be alright. Three times ‘cause I waited my whole life.”

That same scene happened over and over again. The hockey team would host a party, I would attend and find Mark, more often than not he would find me, and we would go smoke. 

I was starting to get annoyed with how slow things were progressing between us. I followed him on instagram, the ball was in his court now and it had been for nearly a month now. Surprisingly enough over the past month I became close with Eric, the guy who drove me home the night I first met Mark. 

Tonight when I arrived at the party I made a beeline for the couch that Eric was sitting on, ignoring Mark���s wave again. 

“I need to talk to you.”

“I’m trying to enjoy my time here Y/n, go bother Mark.”

“Cicc this is about Mark.” 

Nodding silently, Eric stood up and allowed me to lead the way. Bad idea considering I had no idea where I was, this was a new house that I hadn’t been to before.

“Eric, I don't know where I’m going.” 

“Oh shit yeah, sorry.” He said laughing. “Give me like a minute I’m gonna go see if anyone is in my room.” I nodded, making a mental note that this is where Eric lived so I could bother him in the future when he would ignore my texts, which he did all the time. 

“Hey Y/n.” Mark said from behind me. I turned around giving him a quick greeting before recognizing the drink in his hand.

“For me?” 

“Always is.” He smiled, handing me the drink. “Look listen I was wondering, if you don’t wanna do this it’s fine, but I was wondering if you wanted to–”

“Y/n some couple is going at it in my room, but I think Moyle’s room is open.” Eric said coming down the steps, interrupting Mark. “By some couple I mean Hannah and Johnny, we gotta put a muzzle on them or something.”

“It’ll do. Mark, we can smoke later, once I’m done dealing with that idiot.” I said motioning towards Eric who made a face of shock before laughing. “I’ll find you, okay?” Mark nodded, I noticed the way he looked a little defeated but I decided to ignore it and blame it on the lighting.

***

“So we’ve been hanging out together at parties and talking constantly during the day, but he won’t ask me out. Is he not interested in me? He won’t even ask me to just plain hang out as friends outside of parties.” I rambled to Eric once we made it to Nolan’s room. 

“Wait what was he saying before I interrupted him?”

“He was just asking me to go smoke.” I said before realizing Mark was probably not asking me to smoke because he always just says “wanna smoke”.

“You idiot Eric.” I yelled.

“What did I do?”

“You interrupted him while he was asking me out, and then made it seem like we were going upstairs to do stuff.” I said, reaching over to smack him on the back of his head.

“Oh shit, yeah that probably doesn’t look too good in his mind.” 

“I’m leaving, goodbye, I’ll find you when I want to go home.”

“Why do I always have to take you home?” Eric asked, but I was already out the door. “Good luck Y/n.”

***

It took a little bit, but I finally found Mark sitting outside in one of the chairs placed around a firepit. Making my way up to him I saw that he had already smoked most of his blunt.

“Started without me?” I asked, laughing at the way he jumped in surprise.

“You snooze you loose.” Mark said, chuckling, but I could tell it was fake. I sat down in the chair next to him before speaking.

“Is everything okay? You seem a bit off.” I asked, a little afraid of how he might react to my question. We hadn’t been friends for very long, if we were even considered that.

“Yeah, I’m great.” He said, smiling for some reassurance, I don’t know if it was for me or for him. “What’s going on with you and Eric?” I had a feeling the question was coming, but it still took me by surprise.

“Nothing, we’re just friends. We’ve gotten really close over the past month, in a strictly friends way. Just friends…” I trailed off, hoping Mark would get that I’m being so adamant on us being friends and friends only. When Mark only nodded in response I let out a sigh. “Earlier, before when you were asking me about something…what was it that you were asking?” 

“Oh just to see if you wanted to smoke.” That was a lie.

“That’s a lie, what were you really gonna ask me?” I pressed on the subject because I hated when something was being kept from me, secrets, lies, anything being hidden from me.

“I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with me, outside of a party and not just smoke weed, but I get it if you don’t, or if you’re too busy–”

“I’d love to.”

“I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings. Darling, you’re the one I want. I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this. Darling, you’re the one I want.”

The night was going great, it wasn’t a date Mark hadn’t asked me on a date, he asked me to hang out. We went to a diner for food, it was a cute mom and pop shop. While we sat waiting for our food, the waitress brought over our milkshakes. 

“Give me your hand.” Mark told me after the waitress had walked away. Skeptically I reached over and gave him my right hand. “No the left one.” I switched hands, looking at him even more confused now.

He works silently, wrapping my left ring finger in the paper wrapping of the straw he put into his milkshake moments ago. I smiled once I realized what he was doing, making me a paper ring. I quickly took a picture of my hand with Mark smiling in the background and sent it to Eric.

To: Eric🥱

*image*

He is already buying me jewelry 🥰

From: Eric🥱

Thought this wasn’t a date?

From: Eric🥱

I better be giving you away at y’alls wedding.

To: Eric🥱

You’re gonna be my flower girl Cicc 

To: Eric🥱

ALSO it’s not a date asshat🙄

I put my phone down as our waitress brought our food over, immediately diving into both the food and a conversation with Mark.

“In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool. When you jumped in first, I went in too. I’m with you even if it makes me blue.”

“This is a bad idea.” It was. Mark found out, much to my dismay, that I didn’t know how to ice skate, in return making it his mission to teach me. 

“No it’s not, I promise this is safe.” Mark reassured me, well attempted to.

After finding out that our hometowns were just a few miles apart we spent a lot of winter break together. For Christmas he got me ice skates, and a personalized bong but I couldn’t open that in front of my parents, who were spying on our gift exchange earlier that week.

“Mark I can’t accept these, they’re way too much money.” I felt bad, I had gotten him some lulu shorts, which were heavily discounted thanks to me working there, and his favorite munchie snacks. 

“Y/n please, I need to teach you how to skate and how can I do that if you don’t have any skates. Think of this as an investment, I’ll be getting my money back in no time.” By money back he meant that he would be rewarded with spending time with me, teaching me how to do something he loves. 

“This is a frozen pond, no way I’m going on this, it is not safe. Have you ever seen The Good Son.” I was not going onto the ice, I had a fear of drowning ever since I watched the movie when I was a little girl.

“No I have not seen that, but I promise it’s ok. Look they marked that the ice is thick enough and it’s cold enough out to be on here, we just have to avoid that small patch in the middle.”

“If I drown you’re going to jail for my murder.” Mark laughed at my joke, that wasn’t completely a joke. I had some truth behind my words.

Eventually I allowed Mark to lead me to the small bench so he could help me get my skates on, I took a quick picture as he put my foot between his thighs to tighten the laces. I smiled down at the picture as I sent it to Eric.

To: Eric🥱

*image*

He got me skates…

From: Eric🥱

He got you nice ass skates*

From: Eric🥱

Photo is cute, Mark looks extremely happy for someone who has a blade to their crotch.

To: Eric🥱

I hate you. 

“You ready?” Mark brought my attention back to him and I smiled nodding.

“You better not let me fall Estapa.” I said, pushing his chest lightly with my finger. He laughed in response and promised me he would never.

***

“Can I hold just one hand now?” Mark asked me. 

We had now been on the ice for about fifteen minutes, the whole time he skated backwards, holding both my hands, and I wasn’t really skated, I was more being pulled along, I don’t think I picked either of my feet up once the whole time.

“Yeah sure, just don’t go too fast.” He nodded and shifted over to the left side of me, holding just my left hand. I decided that I would start moving my feet rather than just being dragged. 

“Don’t look down at your feet, you’ll mess yourself up.” Mark gave me the piece of advice after noticing my eyes were trained on the ice below me. 

Soon another fifteen minutes went by before I decided to try skating without him holding me steady.. 

“Let go of my hand, I wanna try it on my own” I said with the most confidence I could muster up.

“Are you sure?” Mark asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

“Yes, keep skating next to me, just don’t hold onto me anymore.” He nodded at my request and let my hand go.

I definitely stopped skating as fast, but I was still doing it on my own. 

“Think you’re ready for me to give you some space?” Mark asked, I nodded quickly before I realized what that meant. My safety net would no longer be there in case I fell. I hadn’t been close to falling yet, the whole time I was out there was going very smoothly, but before I could take back my nod Mark had already sped up and went to the other side of the pond.

“Skate towards me.” He told me, after planting himself about thirty feet away from me. I managed to gain as much courage as possible and started skating towards him. The skating itself went well but there was one thing that Mark hadn’t taught me yet.

“Mark, I don't know how to slow down, or stop.” I yelled. It felt like I was going forty over the speed limit, in reality I was probably going five miles an hour. 

“Just shift your body to the left, turn your feet.” Mark yelled at me but it was too late, I closed my eyes and I came flying and ran into him, somehow knocking his body to the ground, me quickly following after.

After opening my eyes I saw Mark staring back at me with a smile on his face, he was laughing at me and I joined in. Once the giggles settled down it was like a staring contest, neither of us wanted to break, or maybe knew how. 

“Can I kiss you?” It was insanely cliche, I wanted to roll my eyes at the thought of how predictable this was, but I still nodded my head at Mark’s question and smiled as he leaned in.

“Which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother’s wall. Honey without all the exes, fights, and flaws, we wouldn’t be standing here so tall.”

It was our first fight. Mark began getting upset with how much time I was spending with Eric about three months into our relationship.

“I am your boyfriend, not him.”

“You don’t think I’m aware of that? Eric and I have been friends for quite some time now, why are you getting upset?” I didn’t understand why Mark was so angry, it wasn’t like I was flirting with Eric, or even ditching Mark to hangout with him, or doing anything that would cause Mark to be skeptical over me and Eric’s friendship.

“Y/n, you’re not viewing this from my perspective. You constantly talk to Eric, you text him while we’re on dates or just hanging out, you facetime or call him a couple times a week, you hang out with him just you two multiple times a week, he takes you home from parties and kickbacks, and you have never been to one of our hockey games but you said that when you did that you would be wearing one of Eric’s jerseys.” Mark’s words began speeding up as more and more spilled from his mouth.

He had a point though. I did text Eric during our dates, always pictures I took of Mark doing whatever I found endearing and asking for advice on how I’m supposed to function properly around this boy who makes me feel so many things. I had weekly phone calls with Eric, sometimes text messages weren’t enough and I needed to rant about how much I liked Mark verbally. We hang out a lot, we get lunch together every Tuesday and Thursday because we have the same break in classes on those days. He takes me home from parties, he was always the designated sober, Mark couldn’t take me home if he wanted to because we always got crossed together. I said I would wear one of Eric’s jerseys before me and Mark started dating, obviously now I would wear Mark’s jersey.

So that’s what I told him. I said those exact words to Mark, maybe a few differences here and there but still the same points being made. We discussed everything more, I had to reassure Mark that there truly was nothing going on between me and Eric, and that there never had been in the past, a couple of times but I didn’t mind. I wanted Mark to know how I truly felt about him, even if we had only known each other for a little over two months.

“Alright, can I see those photos you’ve been taking of me?”

“Kiss you once ‘cause I know you had a long night. Kiss you twice ‘cause it’s gonna be alright. Three times ‘cause you waited your whole life.”

That next weekend I found myself sitting in the stands of Yost with Hannah on my side, I was wearing one of Mark’s jerseys and Hannah was wearing one of Johnny’s. I made a mental note to get coffee with her soon so we could properly dish about our love lives and other things we can’t do around our boyfriends.

Michigan won their game, but it wasn’t a pretty win. Mark had gotten two penalties and it was a win in overtime. While waiting outside the backdoors with Hannah we noticed some of the guys trickling out, all smiling at us, some greeting us with words and asking us how we’re doing. It wasn’t until Johnny walked out that Hannah left me on my own. I was a little confused on what was taking Mark so long, had he walked past me and I didn’t even realize? I drove myself here so it wasn’t like I was waiting for him to drive me back or anything, he never explicitly asked me to meet him after the game. My thoughts were cut short by the sound of the door opening, the person walking out making me smile as I walked up towards them.

“Where is Mark? Did he leave already?” I asked Eric as I finally stood in front of him.

“Hello to you too Y/n.” I gave a fake laugh, urging Eric to tell me where the hell my boyfriend was. “He is still inside, should be coming out soon though. Want me to wait with you?”

I smiled at his offer, but declined it, telling him I would text him when I got back to my dorm for the night. There was definitely going to be a party thrown to celebrate the win tonight, but I didn’t feel like going and I was hoping Mark felt the same way.

After giving Eric a hug goodbye I waited about five more minutes before the familiar face of my boyfriend began to approach me.

“Hey babe, sorry for taking so long. Tough game, I’m really glad you were able to make it. Did you have fun?” He asked, wrapping his arms around me. The last question was slightly muffled due to his head being nuzzled into my neck. I didn’t answer though, well not immediately. I pulled away from his embrace and leaned up to kiss him, a sigh of relief fell from his mouth as he reciprocated the kiss. It wasn’t a heated make out, nothing scandalous, just an intimate and slow kiss that expressed the feelings we felt for each other. As I pulled away to catch my breath, which Mark quietly whined about, I informed him that I had a lot of fun and that I will definitely be attending more games of his in the future. Mark smiled at that and I couldn’t help but kiss him again, and once more when we made it to my car. 

“What’s with all the kisses? Not that I’m complaining.” He asked once I handed him my keys so that he could drive.

“I don’t know, I just feel like kissing you right now.” My answer was the truth, as embarrassing as it felt to say it.

“Well then let’s skip the actual party and bring ours back to your place?” I giggled at what Mark was implying, but nodded nonetheless.

“Hannah is gonna be with Johnny at the party for a couple hours.”

“Let’s go.”

“I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings. Darling, you’re the one I want. And I hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this. Darling, you’re the one I want.”

“Mark, I told you that you didn’t have to get me anything for my birthday.”

“I know, but I wanted to. Now open it.” I glared at his attitude before going to open the small box. 

“Oh Mark, this is beautiful.” It was a ring, silver, but it looked like an origami heart. Lately Mark had been getting more creative with the rings he would make at restaurants, drawing hearts or writing cute little notes, about a month ago he began attempting to fold the straw wrappers into shapes. None of them ever turned out the way he wanted them too, so now he got me one that was perfect, even if he didn’t make it. “I love it.” I love you. “You’re really stepping up your ring game lately Estapa.”

“Just wait until I propose.” 

“I want to drive away with you, I want your complications, I want your dreary Mondays, wrap your arms around me baby boy.”

“Let’s just run away together.” 

“Mark, what? No.”

Things have been pretty stressful lately. My classes were whooping my ass, Mark was feeling a lot of stress while approaching the frozen four tournament. 

“I can’t handle the pressure of this. What if we get bumped out in the semifinals again, I want to win so badly Y/n.”

“Mark, all that matters is that you do your best. It’s a team effort, you can’t put all the weight on yourself. It’s okay to feel a little worried, but you can’t let it get to you, that will only affect your game and then your fears will come true.” I told him, reaching over to grab his hand from across the table we sat at and giving him a small, but reassuring, smile. 

“I love you.” 

I froze, I didn’t know what to do. I loved Mark, I knew I did and I had known for quite some time, but hearing those words come out of his mouth, to hear that the boy I love so much loves me as well was too much for me to handle. I wanted to yell, to scream out that I loved him too, but for some reason on this damn Monday afternoon I couldn’t speak. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I hadn’t realized how long I was silent until I fully looked at Mark, sitting there the most vulnerable I had seen anyone, and crying. Shit he was crying.

“Mark I–”

“No I get it, if you don’t love me back. That’s ok, we haven’t been together for that long.” A lie, we had been together for over a year. “-I’m sorry for saying that.”

“Mark, don't apologize for saying what you’re feeling.” Why the hell could I not tell him I loved him, it’s just three words, but they just couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. His crying increased, he was almost full on sobbing right now, it broke my heart.

“Please don’t cry baby.” I reached out for him, but he winced away. “I love you too.” 

“Don’t just say that, don’t lie to make me feel better.”

“I’m not lying to you, I love you. I have for a long time, since you got me my ring.” I sighed, reaching out for him once again, praying he wouldn’t shy away from me again, he didn’t. “Mark, I quite literally froze when you told me you loved me. To hear that you love me back, Mark, it makes me so happy. I’m sorry I didn’t say it back fast enough, I can’t imagine how you were feeling.” Mark smiled at my words, I could see the tension releasing from his shoulders.

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Mark.”

“I love you too, Y/n”

We both broke out into a fit of giggles, Mark made his way around the table and wrapped his arms around me.

“I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings. That’s right, you’re the one I want. I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this. Darling, you’re the one I want.”

Me and Mark were out celebrating my college graduation, he flew in from Vegas to watch me accept my diploma. The past year we had gone long distance, I went to Vegas for his NHL debut and we were both home for the holidays, but other than that our relationship took place through a screen. It wasn’t ideal, but we got through it. 

“Mark, can you order for me? Just my usual, I need to use the restroom.” Unsurprisingly we went to our favorite diner, the one we frequented a lot when both of us were living in Ann Arbor.

I came back to the table to see that our waitress had brought over the milkshakes we ordered. The scene was very similar, but one thing was different.

“No ring today Estapa? Are you trying to let me down gently?” I joked, a little confused seeing that the wrappers from the straws that sat in our drinks were crumpled up together 

“I thought you might like a ring made out of a different material.” Mark stated before moving out of his booth seat and shifting onto one knee. The confusion in my face faded once I realized what he was doing. Oh my god.

“Oh my god.”

“Y/n, I thank god everyday that you didn’t trust Nolan’s weed enough to smoke it without having a taste tester. I love you so much, I love everything about you, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anybody but you.” Tears began to fill my eyes, I could see them filling Mark’s too. “Y/n, will you marry me?” I knew it was coming, but I still gasped. The ring was beautiful, an exact replica of the ring I designed for fun two years ago, telling Mark to take a mental picture of it for the future, I guess he actually did it.

“YES!”

“Paper rings, in picture frames, in all my dreams, you’re the one I want.”

“I can’t believe you kept all of these.”

Our wedding had just ended, I was officially married to Mark, Y/n Estapa. It was a beautiful ceremony, the reception lasted almost six hours. If asked what was my favorite part of my wedding, other than officially becoming Mark’s wife, it was the picture frames placed all around the venue with pictures of me, or Mark, or me and Mark, and along with it was a paper ring, dated from that same day the picture was taken. 

“You kept every single ring you made me?”

“I’m a little offended that you never kept them, but it made my surprise all the more better.” 

“I have a surprise for you too, but you can’t see it until we get to the room, which we can’t go to until everyone has left…”

“EVERYBODY OUT, THANK YOU FOR COMING, LEAVE NOW PLEASE!”

“You’re the one I want.”

***

Note: Not proofread, because that's for losers. My brother graduated college today and I wrote this while sitting through that long ass ceremony so idk if this is good or not, tell me if it sucks tell me if you love it idc just any type of feedback is greatly appreciated. Also ik that Mark isn’t drafted (I don’t think he is, if he is then whoops) but I used Vegas because of that instagram post. Love y’all, have a great day. 

[cowboybarzy]

sweet nothing

mat barzal x reader

note: I just wrote this in 30 minutes so if it’s bad I’m sorry. Also I just wanted to post it now even though I have 10 (yes ten) already started fic I need to finish. And ik I keep promising something else but my brain does what it wants and I need to be in the right mood to write something lol

no warnings (except bad spelling & grammar, sorry it’s late lol) just very soft

based on the taylor swift song ‘sweet nothing’

The Islanders were having a great start to their season, definitely a step up from the previous one. They were really able to showcase their abilities and hard work they put in during the off season and it showed. They were winning many games and fighting hard every night. Your boyfriend Mat was doing really well also, skating fast like he always did and setting up his teammates to score beautiful goals. Unfortunately, while being one of the most valuable players, he hadn’t scored yet. He was racking up points in assists, but no goals.

And it was starting to get to him. The media and fans were almost tearing him apart after every game he didn’t score. While playing well, all they seem to care about is goals and they were starting to question his validity as a player, especially one who was about to be paid $9 million a year. Mat is an emotional guy and while he tries hard to stay offline and ignore the talk surrounding him, it was getting difficult because he was always the main topic. He’s tried to act tough and like he didn’t care, but it was slowly eating away at him.

One night, you were watching the home game from your apartment, because you had some work to finish. Throughout the game, you could see how frustrated Mat was with himself, his body language and facial expressions giving away what he was feeling. You felt so bad for him, but didn’t know how to help him out. Just being there for him would have to suffice. This night, after a long hard fight, the Isles lost and you knew Mat was going to be extremely emotional when he got home.

So you made him some brownies. Even sprinkled some candy cane shavings into the batter to make it more special. Chocolate is always to answer when you feel down.

When you finally heard the keys jiggle in the door lock, you went to go greet him in the entry way. He looked tired and beat and all you wanted to do was hug him. So you did. You wrapped your arms as tightly around him as possible, clinging to him like a monkey. His grip tightened against you as well, as if he was scared he was going to lose you. “Hi,” you whispered in his ear after a couple of minutes.

He pulled back a little, still holding you close, and brushed his lips against your forehead and down your nose. “Hey. How was your day?”

“Pretty good, but lots of work, so I’m tired.”

“Me, too,” he said quietly, dropping his forehead against yours. Your hand went up to cup is face, stroking his cheek softly with your thumb. “What smells so good?”

“Oh crap!” You quickly separated from him, running into the kitchen. You forgot to set a new timer for the brownies after they came out too batter-ie after their initial 30 minutes. They would probably be a little too dry for your liking now.

“What happened?,” Mat asked as he followed you into the kitchen. The knife test revealed that indeed no more batter was stuck to it and that they’d most like be dry.

You let out and upset sigh before answering. “I made you brownies. But I forgot the timer and they’re probably really dry now.”

He cracked a smile in response, one that made your heart burst with happiness. “You made me brownies? Why?”

“I don’t know, I just wanted to cheer you up. I know you’ve been struggling lately and that things aren’t going to way you want it. And I know you don’t try to let it get to you, but I saw how frustrated you were today during the game. And I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be there, so I thought you could use a little pick me up.” His face fell, revealing again how exhausted he was, and in a couple of long strides he reached you and pulled you into his arms. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and held you tightly, needing your comfort. You gently stroked the back of his head and his back, placing soft kisses to the side of his head as well.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Everyone is shitting on me for not scoring, but I’m playing well.” He lifted his head and took a deep breath. “I’m trying. I’m trying so fucking hard, but people don’t see that. And it’s getting so hard not listen to them. They’re in my head when I play and I don’t know how to get them out again. I’m trying! But it’s getting really hard.”

He teared up a little by the end to which you immediately kissed him to calm him. You didn’t care if he cried in front of you, but it broke your heart. “I know you’re trying, babe. And you are playing so well. I’m so proud of you. Those people don’t know what they’re talking about. They’ve never been in your position. You’re getting your teammates to score, isn’t that enough?”

“Apparently not.”

“But if it’s good enough for you, that’s all that matters. Acceptance is key. And I know it’s not easy, but it’ll make you feel better.” You kissed him again and smiled. “And maybe think of me every time it’s getting at you, because I don’t care how many goals you score.”

“More than I already do?” He smiled softly, pulling you back into him. “I love you. Thank you for letting me soft around you.”

“I love you, too. That’s what I’m here for.” He kissed you one more time, before stepping back, eyeing the brownies on the counter.

“I’m exhausted. Let’s go to bed and eat those dry ass brownies.” Slapping him softly on his arm, you took the rude comment, just happy to see him smile.

[thecameronchronicles]

Dress

TW: Smut. Language. Semi-public sex. 

SUMMARY: Based on the song ‘Dress’ by Taylor Swift. 

WORD COUNT: 1500

*REQUESTED*

Anonymous asked:

This is super basic but could you do a fic based off Taylor Swift songs “dress” and “so it goes” could be with anyone but Pope and Rafe are my favs

Dress

From the second that your eyes locked from across any space, nobody else existed. Not John B and his adventurous rants or JJ with his inappropriate and raw humor. Even as Sarah and Kie would discuss the guys in question, your head would bob in absent-minded agreement, all while you fixated on him. Because to you, he was beautiful. Full lips tempting you as they wrapped around the edge of any cup and the occasional blunt as he was rarely one to luxuriate in those taboo indulgences. Chocolate eyes inviting enough that you simply wanted to drown in them. And his hands. The deceptive kindness veiled beneath soft skin that you knew harbored such dominance when wrapped within your hair, around your neck, and embedded into your hips. But for the same way you found him living art, he viewed you tenfold. 

Tempting lips and heavy eyes both promising seduction he knew well. The silent but slow batting of your lashes reminding him how they looked as you would descend on your knees for him, those same eyes tearful and blown with lust as his cock twitched at the thought. An exposed neck and adjacent cleavage, a favorite for his lips to find within the secrecy of your stolen moments. And the lingering echo of your perfume carried by the night's summer breeze as this had been entombed in his sheets just as it had been in his memory. 

And for all of these small reasons built behind a lust strong enough to rival any heatwave, it would take only the most miniscule of motions to initiate the need to act on this veiled desire. These small motions that would build to a precipice of desperation, always beginning with those locked eyes from across any space. A silent conversation of his eyes descending your frame as if it had been his fingers, all while your cheeks blushed at the thought itself. Once his lips were parted by his tongue at the thought of savoring the heat between your legs, your fingers ran the lines of your dress, gripping the fabric as if it had been his hair, the sheets, even your own breast, all granting flashes of such memories for you both. 

The final temptation came from that of satiation. Not that which you both craved, but what had satisfied your palate until now. A single bead of its remnant on your bottom lip that would be brushed away by your middle finger and taken behind your lips while keeping eye contact locked. A moment innocuous to those who surrounded you at The Wreck, having all joined here for dinner, the final straw breaking the camel's back as you led his gaze from the table to follow you as you made your way outside. 

It wasn't even sixty seconds until he had joined you, your body pressed to the side of the establishment, hidden mostly by the moonlight, with the exception of distant lights from the establishment leaving a glow at your back. And without a word, you would pull him to you via his tie, until he pressed his forehead to yours. 

Noses nestling together on either side, breaths teasing a kiss neither optioned to enact, you led the moment in fleeting dominance as his hands moved from your hips and upwards to your chest, his thumbs tracing over your nipples making you smirk before those large fingers set at your cheeks. A temporary kiss was removed as his hands fell back to your waist, his body pinning you flat while his grip set you to him, feeling every tense muscle of his body yearning to accept you. 

"I haven't seen this dress before…" He explained while adoring it for a time, pulling back to view the entire picture as you bit your bottom lip before pulling him back into you via his tie. 

"I bought it…just for you to take it off…" 

His brow raised as he licked his lips in anticipation, looking in either direction, before you pulled him back into you. Prior to you, Pope was shy and reserved. He was submissive even and anything but confidence when it came to any form of sexual mastery. But after you'd crossed that line between friends to lovers, he was wrapped in the rush of having you whenever, wherever, and however you instigated. Even if that meant where anybody could find you at any given moment. Maybe even more so because of it. 

"Jesus…" He breathed when his thumbs brushed your hip, finding a lack of panties that made him pull you up and around him. 

"Are you sure this is okay?" He would ask for consent, as always, a final frontier of sorts before the relinquishment of that unkind but well sought after dominance that only you knew he was capable of.

Following a nod of approval, he hiked you high enough to unbuckle himself as you spread your lips apart with your tongue at the mere thought of his taste. Perfection within salt and those moans that played more like a symphony than the drawl they emerged was. 

"I've been wanting do this all night…" He explained with the tease of his cock to your lower lips, circled made to collect your slick, as he guided himself easily inside of you with how wet he had made you prior to this. 

"Shit-" He clenched into you, lips temporarily at your shoulder before he would then pull at your neck, hand beneath your jaw to expose your neck further for him. 

"Faster. Please, Pope…" He obliged, hand now wrapping behind your neck for stability and guidance as his second wrapped over your breast, squeezing firmly as you groaned to the pinch made of your nipple. You nodded to the extra stimulation before feeling him pull you to look at him. Eyes locked for a time, he kissed you sweetly, before you moaned against his lips. 

"I never get tired of hearing that…" 

"Pope…" His hand was quick around your mouth at the sound of near conversation. Both of you looking to its source before he moved back to you, your lips at his ear. 

"Don't stop…please…"

"Dammit…"

"Yes…Oh my god…" You whimpered into his ear, his eyes rolling closed to your desperation as he carried you away from the side of the restaurant and to a small table used for outdoor eating. Even more in view, your heart pounded as you were flipped as your knees rested on the bench and you were bent over the ledge of the table. 

"I need to take you like this…" He explained, pulling your skirt up once again, before pressing his cock back inside of you. Hand wrapped around your mouth, he pulled you back against his chest. 

"It takes everything I have not to do this at the table when you look at me like that…those big eyes so lustful-"

"Pope!" You gasped, how ungodly in speed he moved, how domineering he was in contrast to his usual reservation, and how bold to do so in public, less than two hundred feet from your friends and family. 

"Turn around-" He spoke as more of a warning than an order as he moved you before you could oblige. You were lifted around him, legs pulling high on his waist as he was inside you yet again. Only this time, with speed and precision. You brought him closely into you, your cries muffled into his shoulder. 

"You're so close…please let me have it…let me have it…"

"Ooohh…ahhhh…Pope!" You gripped onto the fabric of his shirt as you trembled around him. 

"Yes yes yes…just like that, keep coming-fuck!" He called, that familiar warmth shooting between your thighs before he was on his knees. Your eyes widened as you looked in the near distance to how reckless you were being. But the feeling of his tongue to your clit left everything but those sensations in a haze. 

"Can't have you dripping in there…gotta keep this between us…"

"I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come again-" You clutched his hair as he smirked and nodded, feasting on you as you were wrapped around his cheeks. 

"Pope!" A final series of swipes and a suck left you clean enough to return without evidence of this, as he would pull you to your feet.

"So you like the dress?" You asked out of breath as he scoffed. 

"I still intend to rip it off of you later…But we should probably get back before they think anything-" 

You nodded. Even if you loved each other in everyway that would be a great foundation for a relationship, you didn't want the questions or the pressure. You just loved having these stolen moments without the inquisition or warnings of ruining your friendship. You just focused on this. Whatever this was. And this kiss recent need to explore it based all on this little dress…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae

[carters-things]

Hi! I love your writing and I was wondering if you could do a little something with Matt inspired by Enchanted by Taylor Swift, please? 🤍

First off THANK YOU LOVE! I hope I did this justice! I could have kept writing but wanted to keep it semi short. Writing a fic based off of a song was actually REALLY fun and I'd love to do it again!!!

Send me your song/fic requests!

“Pleaseeeeeee come out with us! You won’t regret it I swear!” Your friend pleaded. Every weekend is the same old story. She begs you to go out with her and her boyfriend, and every time they end up getting drunk and going back to their place- leaving you alone wherever you are- and forcing you to call a cab.

“Why? So you can leave me again?”

“No, I promise it won’t happen again.” You roll your eyes knowing how the night is going to go but you reluctantly agree to go anyway. She rushes you to your room and helps you pick out an outfit before rushing you out the door. The two of you met her boyfriend at the bar down the road. A small hole in the wall bar called Josie’s. The three of you took the last booth in the building in the back corner of the bar. Laughter filled your booth as you and your friend took turns making fun of her boyfriend for his stupid college adventures. You found yourself smiling and thinking that maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing coming out with them tonight.

However after the first 2 rounds were finished, the two lovebirds ran off to play pool leaving you behind yet again. You watched as they drunkenly loved on each other at the pool table like they were teenagers in high school. The sight of them made you feel so lonely. You sipped your drink as you sat in the booth, tears beginning to roll down your cheeks. Your friends were too drunk to notice you pretending everything was ok whenever they stopped by the table to sip their drinks. The only thing worse than being here alone was being pitied so you continued to fake a smile as you let your lonely heart crack in your chest as the night went on.

________________

Matt sat in Josie’s with Foggy and Karen as they do most Friday nights. Talking and laughing about college days, client interactions, or just nothing, the way true friendships should flow. Tonight however Matt was distracted, there was something off about the atmosphere tonight. He listened around to the sound of all of the usual Friday night customers. Except tonight there was one more. A new heartbeat, a new voice, a new scent, and it captivated him. The sound of your laughter engrossing his attention. He listened to you without leaving his stool all night. Your stories were told in such a charismatic way he felt as if you were telling them to him directly, smiling and laughing right alongside your friends. He knew he had to talk to you, to meet you but he didn’t know how to approach you. Until he heard the slight skip in your heartbeat when your friends went off to play pool. He stayed at his seat wanting to go to you, to make sure you weren’t alone but he was still hesitant. It wasn’t until the taste of salt in the air followed by the sound of water hitting the table that told him you were crying pushed him over the edge that he knew he needed to be by your side.

“Hey guys, I’ll uh. I’ll be right back.” Matt says to Karen and Foggy who are having a drunken competition to see who can hold their breath the longest. They stop at his sudden departure and see him heading towards you in the back. He loosens his tie on the walk over to you, his heart starting to beat a little faster the closer he gets to your table.

______

You looked up from your drink with tear filled eyes to see a man in red glasses making his way through the crowd to you. Not a single patron paying attention to the blind man on a mission except you. It’s like he could tell you were looking at him as his lips curled into a smirk the closer he got to your table. You were unsure if he was actually coming to your table but you wiped away your tears and fixed your hair wondering why you were trying to fix your appearance for a blind man. He reaches the edge of your table and rests a hand on his hip. Your throat becomes suddenly dry as you search for words to break the silence when he beats you to it.

“Mind if I join you?” He says gesturing to the empty bench across from you.

“Uh, yeah, go for it.” You say composing yourself. “You are?”

“Matt.”

“I’m Y/N. What uhm.. What brought you over here tonight? Aren’t you here with your friends?” Your gaze moves to the man and woman he was sitting with earlier now seeing who can stack more creamer cups before the tower falls. You let out a small laugh as the woman’s tower falls first and the man just about falls off his stool in celebration.

“How did you know I came with them?” Matt says his head tilting to the side. You realize now you’ve been caught. You might have given Matt a few glances over the night. Enchanted by his smile that made its way out every so often.

“I saw you sitting with them earlier. I’m quite observant, you know. So what brought you over here?” You say running your finger along the top of your glass.

“I couldn’t let such a wonderful person be so sad over here by themselves now could I?” He flashes that killer smile again.

“H-How did you know I was sad?” Your cheeks fill with heat at Matt’s accusation.

“I’m quite observant you know” He tilts his head down raising his eyebrow as he uses your line against you. The smallest bit of his eyes peek over the rim of his glasses and just as you thought they are as kind as his smile.

The night goes on with the two of you exchanging stories, getting to know each other, laughing and talking for hours. Both equally enthralled with the other one you don’t even notice the bar has just about cleared out and is closing down. Your friends return to the table, unable to keep their hands off each other as they slur their words telling you they are getting a cab.

“I should probably head out too. It’s getting super late.” You say as you scramble to find your purse through your hazy vision.

“Can I walk you home?” Matt says laying cash on the table before you could.

“What about your friends?”

“They can handle themselves. I’ll have Josie call them a cab.”

“I mean you really don’t have to-”

“I want to” Matt assures you. He settles the situation with his friends before offering his arm to you as you step out the door of the bar. You make your way down the street towards your apartment, your hand holding tight to Matt’s arm as his other arm guides the way with the tap of his cane. You get a small shiver as the slight breeze runs across your exposed skin. Matt stops the two of you immediately giving you his jacket before you could even argue his chivalrous nature. Your cheeks yet again blushing at Matt. your hand slowly slides further and further down his arm with each step until your fingers intertwine with his. The alcohol most likely being the cause of your confidence tonight. Your head rests on Matt’s shoulder.

“Which way am I supposed to be going?” Matt laughs as you guys approach an intersection. You lie and tell him to go right, forcing you guys to take the long way home, buying you more time together, that unfortunately flies by faster than either of you were ready for.

“You know. I didn’t even want to come out tonight.” You laugh as you and Matt round the corner to your house.

“Oh really? How about now?”

“I’m very glad I did” You smile relishing in the last moments of Matt’s touch as you walks you to your door.

“Can I see you again?” He asks with the slightest bit of nerves in his underlying tone.

“I’d like that.” You say as you put his number into your phone, and programming his in return to say your name when you call or text. He waits at the door until you’re inside safe and sound. As soon as the door closes your back rests against it replaying everything that happened tonight.

“Please don’t be in love with someone else. Please don’t have somebody waiting on you.” You say as you slide down to the floor to undo your shoes. Your phone buzzes with a text message from Matt saying “don't worry- I'm not"

[reminiscingtonight]

Last Kiss

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word Count: 4696

Anon asked: So I found your page last night a devoured all of your Wanda fics because they’re just so amazing I couldn’t stop reading. Love love love them! Especially the angsty ones, you write them so well and make me feel all the things. As a request (if you’re still taking them) maybe a Wanda x reader fic based on the song Last Kiss by Taylor Swift, especially the bridge of that song. I just think you’d do the heartbreak of that song justice.

Warning: None? I don’t think. There’s a very short heated makeout session tho. Other than that… this is just a lot of fluff (and... well. Angst.)

A/N: I’m honored that you read all of my Wanda fics in one night, but holy shit, that’s a lot of reading for one night. Also um, someone needs to remind me to read the full ask before writing. Because I most definitely missed the part where you said the bridge of the song. I’m so sorry, hopefully you still like the fic 

Taglist: @mionemymind, @supersourlemon13, @olsensnpm, @invictusbabey, @idek-5, @vancityfire13, @peabrain112

All I Know (Part Two) // Drabbles [untitled] (Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) // Breathe (It’s Out Of My Hands) (Part Six)

You’re not sure when everyone got in. But sometime between staring at the ring and falling to your knees, your friends had made it into the room. 

Someone kneels down in front of you, trying to catch your eyes. You think it’s Tony. But you’re not sure. 

The brown eyes in front of you keep turning into green tear-filled eyes.

The worried voice asking you what was wrong keeps turning into phrases of “I’m sorry,” “I can’t do this.”

The room was too crowded. Too stifling. 

You couldn’t breathe.

You pull at your collar. Something rips. Whether it’s your clothes or your heart, you couldn’t be too sure. 

Stumbling to your feet, you push past the people in the room and make it out the door.

Someone’s calling your name. 

Someone’s asking what’s wrong.

Well. That’s the question of the day, isn’t it? Where had it all gone wrong?

---

Stepping out of the crowded plane, you’re instantly hit with the humid summer air. Even being indoors, it was no match for the bustling bodies coming in and out of JFK international. 

You had barely made it into the baggage claim when you heard someone call your name.

“(Y/N)!” A blur crosses your vision before knocking right into you, almost throwing you off your feet. Arms tighten around your torso and you return an equally as strong hug. 

“God, I missed you.” The words were muttered into the side of your neck as Wanda buries her face there.

You laugh, pressing a quick kiss to her hairline. “I was only gone for three months, Wands.”

“Three months too long,” was the grumpy response you got.

Shaking your head, you bite back a retort. It wasn’t like the two of you had no contact the entire time you were gone. Wanda facetimed you at least once a week. Well, the number might have actually been closer to at least once every day, but it wasn’t like either of you would admit to that if asked about it.

But you understood how Wanda was feeling. Because you felt the exact same. When you weren’t busy in a meeting or out establishing connections with the branch overseas, Wanda was constantly on your mind.

The two of you weren’t dating, no. But that wasn’t to say you never thought of her in that way. 

When you had first met, you were smitten right away. Natasha had grown up with Wanda years before she moved out here on her own at 16 but had always kept in touch, so when Wanda first moved to New York, she was instantly welcomed into your friend group. When Natasha introduced the two of you, you guys instantly clicked. She found your city-girl “take not shit” persona captivating, and you found her country-girl roots cute as hell. It was to your disappointment to find out later that night that she was in a relationship with someone. Vision, to be specific, her high school sweetheart. To be honest, you weren’t surprised to find out that she had been dating the same guy for nearly a decade. Anyone would be crazy to let go of someone as wonderful as Wanda. 

So you pushed down your budding attraction for the other woman, focusing instead on building a friendship. But Wanda most definitely did not make it easy for you. The first thing you found out about her was that she was extremely tactile. No matter where you were or what you were doing, Wanda always found a way to have her hand on your arm or her body pressed against yours.

Being someone who was basically the polar opposite of this touch-keen woman, the first time Wanda used you as an armrest around the rest of the group, everyone’s eyes went wide. Later, Tony had walked past you, coughing out a “you’re so whipped,” under his breath. 

So saying that you were a little jealous every time Vision was brought up would be an understatement. You didn’t realize you could hate someone you’ve never met before so much, but you did. 

And then suddenly a month before you left on your business trip, and two years after Wanda first arrived in New York, Wanda and Vision broke up. It came out of nowhere, but when asked about it, Wanda claimed that the long-distance just wasn’t working for them anymore. None of you dared to push it any further.

In those four weeks before leaving, the two of you grew even closer. Every free moment was spent together. It even got to the point where Wanda would let herself into your apartment to wait for you while you were still at the office. But you didn’t mind and Wanda didn’t care for what the others had said when they found out about it---everyone had a hell of a time teasing the two of you over your new arrangement.

You had been contemplating asking her out right before you left, but last minute nerves talked you out of it. You left New York with half of your heart left behind, hoping that things would still be the same when you returned.

And to your relief, it seemed like everything was.

When Wanda finally detaches herself from your torso, she instantly links her arm with yours. Chuckling under your breath, you readjust your bags so you could carry everything with one hand. 

The next couple minutes consisted of the start of a very slow trek out of the airport with Wanda trying to catch you up with everything that’s happened in New York while you were gone.

The second you catch sight of her red Buick, your feet stop moving. “Keys.”

Wanda shoots you a very offended look and you just raise an eyebrow in return.

“Wands, I love you, but you can’t drive for shit. I just got back. I’d really love to see our friends before dying.”

You could still remember the first time Wanda drove you around New York. Your car was in the shop and you desperately needed a ride to work. After five near misses in the twenty minutes it took to drive downtown, you weren’t sure if your racing heart was due to your close proximity to the woman of your dreams or just due to the pure fear of being the next name splayed out in the obituaries section of the New York Times. Safe to say, that was the first and last time you ever let her drive you anywhere.

She grumbles a bit but eventually the keys are deposited into your waiting hand. 

“Thank you.” You press a sloppy kiss to her cheeks and Wanda makes a show of wiping it off. 

“Gross.” When she sticks her tongue out at you, you ignore the urge to roll your eyes at the younger woman. You were in love with a literal child.

But whatever you were about to say is cut off by Wanda’s next offhand comment. “We’ve got roughly seven hours until we’ll see the lot of them, so we just have to survive until then.”

Your brows scrunch up in confusion. “What’s in seven hours?”

Wanda doesn’t answer, purposefully avoiding your questioning gaze. 

It doesn’t take much for you to figure out what was probably going to happen. “No. Tony didn’t.”

She pulls away, a smile playing on her lips.

“Wanda Maximoff, tell me he didn’t plan a party.”

But your friend doesn’t say anything. She skips off towards the car, leaving you gaping after her, standing alone with all of your luggage sitting beside you.

“Wanda!”

--- 

Tony Stark most certainly did throw you a party.

“Stark. I told you I didn’t want a party.”

He meets your grumpy expression with a wide grin. “Your best friend only comes home from a three month business trip once in a blue moon. Let me spoil you.”

You would have been fine with a small get-together with all of your friends. But Tony Stark was nothing if not a sucker for huge galas. You were seriously wondering how he managed to invite what seemed like all of New York to his mansion.

Sighing, you let him drag you over to where the rest of your friends were gathered. Clint gives you a toothy grin that you ignore. “This is all your fault. You had one job, Barton.”

He shrugs, not looking at all dejected at his failure to stop Tony from throwing you a party. “Tony promised free drinks.”

This time you fully roll your eyes. Of course he flipped at the promise of free alcohol. Sometimes you wondered how this man was a father of three. Shaking your head at him, you accept the drink being offered by a smirking Natasha. You make a mental note to get payback on your friends later. It seemed like all of them were traitors.

Later, after a little bit of socializing with random people you’ve never seen before but were invited by Tony, you’re ready to call it a night. Granted it wasn’t even that late, only being 12 o’clock, but you were still a little jet lagged.

However, your plans to leave get thrown out the window the second your favorite person approaches you. She’s smirking at you and for a second you can definitely see the resemblance with Natasha. No wonder they were such great friends.

“Dance with me.”

You groan out a “no,” deciding rather to lean against one of the walls. You were tired. And as much as you loved her, you didn’t dance. Not for anyone. Not even for yourself. And you told her exactly that. “I don’t dance.”

You knew what was going to happen before Wanda even did it. 

Batting her lashes at you, Wanda pouts. “For me?”

And you want to groan again. With the mascara and eyeliner Wanda had on, her green eyes were especially captivating tonight. And paired with the little jut of her bottom lip as she pouted at you? Damn Wanda Maximoff and your inability to say no to her. 

With a huff, you give her your hand. 

You’re not sure how long you’ve been dancing, but the next time you look at the clock, your legs are sore and you’re already dreading waking up the next morning. 

“We’ve been dancing for hours. It’s nearly two in the morning.”

Wanda hums in response, but you can tell that she wasn’t really listening to you. Her head was currently dropped on your shoulder, eyes closed as the two of you slowly sway side to side. You couldn’t help but think she looked breath-taking from this angle. 

“Hello? Earth-to-Wanda, anyone home?”

She mutters some swears into your shoulder and you can’t bite back your smile.

After a little bit more convincing, you finally managed to pull Wanda out onto the balcony to take a break. Your legs groaned in protest as you sat down, stretching them out. 

Wanda takes a seat next to you, instantly leaning into your side. You lift your arm to accommodate her, and Wanda uses the extra space to snuggle closer to you. The two of you stay silent, the day’s activities finally catching up to you both. All you wanted to do was go to bed. But a part of you didn’t want the night to end quite yet.

“What’s on your mind?”

It wasn’t like Wanda to stay silent for this long.

She shrugs, fingers playing with your own. “Just thinking about how much I missed you while you were gone.”

Her words make your heart flutter. “I really missed you too,” you answer truthfully. “Wished you were with me every day.”

You can feel her fingers still against yours at your words. “Really?”

There’s a bit of hesitance in her voice, almost as if she didn’t believe you, but you were quick to reassure her.

“Of course.” And you meant it. There wasn’t a single day where you didn’t think about the brunette in your arms. Everything you did reminded you of her, and you had been itching to return back to New York. Back to her.

At your confirmation, Wanda suddenly turns around in your arms. Green eyes flash up to meet yours and it was only then that you realized how close she was to you. There was barely any space between the two of you. If either of you leaned forward just a little bit, you could easily connect your lips.

You swallow hard. Nope, it’s definitely not a good idea to think about kissing your friend when she’s this close to you.

But then her eyes drift down to your lips. 

And then she’s leaning in. 

Your first kiss was like heaven. Although it was fairly short and sweet, just the slight touch of Wanda’s lips to yours made you feel like you were soaring through the skies. 

When Wanda finally pulls back, she rests her forehead against yours. A hand comes up to rest softly against your cheek and you can’t help but lean into it. You can still feel her breath on your lips, each puff of air only making your heart beat faster and faster. And then it comes to a stop with the words she whispers against your lips.

“I’m in love with you.”

---

You would think that after three years of dating, Wanda would finally heed to your complaints of kissing you while you were in the middle of a sentence. It’s a logical thought. But you’d be mistaken.

“Wan--�� one kiss, long and hard against your lips cuts you off.

“Can I--” this one a little shorter, barely a peck against your mouth.

“Do you thin--” you try your hardest but she still cuts you off again with yet another kiss.

You laugh, trying to push her off of you this time. “Wanda, stop kissing me. Let me finish talking.”

She bites the bottom of her lip as her hand comes up to trace yours. “I can’t help it that your lips are so kissable.”

“God, everso the charmer.”

The two of you had started off the evening of your third anniversary with dinner at Wanda’s favorite restaurant. You were now trying to get to part two of your plan but all Wanda seemed keen to do was get into your pants, which as nice as that’d be, would skip quite a few steps.

Knowing that the crew had said they were setting up the deck outside nearly an hour ago, you wondered what was taking them so long. You had all agreed that once they were done they’d knock on your door, act as a distraction while you snuck out of your house to get into position for the next part.

Maybe they were still setting up. Maybe there was a freak storm and they all died. You couldn’t be too sure, but you were starting to lean towards the latter one the later it got. The only thing you were sure of was that if they didn’t show up soon, Wanda was definitely going to succeed in her own plans of getting you naked. And you probably wouldn’t be able to stop her. You were only human after all.

But at the same time, it’s not like you could blame your girlfriend. Wanda didn’t know what you had planned for today. Didn’t know about the party being set up outside, the champagne waiting to be popped, the ring you had hidden in your pocket.

If everything went to plan today, you’d end the night with a fiancée.

Wanda tries to lean in again, but this time you’re prepared, ducking your head so she only catches your cheek. Pouting, she pulls at your shirt but you laugh, batting her hands away.

She opens her mouth to protest again, the amused look you shoot her way quickly shuts her up. “Fine. Do whatever it is that you’re about to do, but do it quick. I want another kiss.”

You want to laugh at how impatient she’s being. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“You wanted to stop kissing so you could tell me you love me?”

This time you’re not quick enough when she moves to kiss you. Her hand tangles into your hair, and a particularly harsh tug makes you moan against her mouth. If you were thinking clearly, you’d be annoyed at the smirk you could feel against your lips, but as your tongues fight for dominance, you couldn’t care less.

Your arms drop to her ass, pulling Wanda closer to you, and she instantly moves to readjust her position on your lap for a better angle at grinding against you. But just as she’s about to press down, she freezes.

Quickly pulling back, Wanda’s eyes move down to the side of your pants. Before you can stop her, she’s pulling out the box that was in your pocket.

You’re both breathing hard, still recovering from your heated makeout session, but you know that the thudding of your heart is coming from the uncertainty of how this was about to turn out.

Green eyes keep flashing between your (E/C) ones and the black box in her hands. 

Keeping up with the theme of tonight, Wanda snaps it open before you can say anything. Her mouth drops open when she sees the emerald ring shining back at her. “Oh my god.”

You swallow hard, arms now sliding up to rest more appropriately against her waist. You really want to move into a more comfortable position for this conversation, because sitting on each other’s laps like horny teenagers most definitely did not scream ‘marriage proposal’ vibes to you, but the dumbstruck look in Wanda’s eyes told you that she wasn’t going to be moving any time soon.

“Is that a good ‘oh my god’? Or…”

The look she shoots you only serves to make you feel more chastised. “Are you being serious right now?”

“Wand--”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in her voice as she answers your unspoken question.

At once, all of your nerves leave you. You grin up at the serious look in her eyes. “You’re not even going to let me finish asking you if you--”

“Nope.” She cuts you off again with a smirk, taking the ring out of the box. If you had thought the piece of jewelry looked beautiful in the shop, it paled in comparison to the way it looked on Wanda’s hand.

With her newly adorned hand, Wanda tilts your head back up so she can connect your lips. Both of you happily sigh into the kiss, and you can’t stop the jolt of joy that shoots through your body when you feel the press of the metal against your cheek. 

That only causes you to smile into the kiss, and your smile seems to be infectious. Before long, the two of you are smiling too much to properly kiss anymore. With one last peck on your lips, Wanda sits back up.

Reaching for your hand on her waist, she intertwines her left hand with yours. The two of you stare down at the green jewel sitting proudly on her hand.

“We’re getting married.”

---

“You look dashing.” 

Today was the day. After a long 12 months of being engaged, you and Wanda were finally going to get married. It had been her idea to wait, wanting to have more time to plan everything out before actually getting married. She wanted everything to be perfect, and who were you to disagree with your future wife?

Grinning at Tony through the mirror, you give him a wink. “Thanks, Tones.”

You had decided to go with an all-black suit that was fairly reminiscent of the suit you had worn the first time you met Wanda. Tony had invited everyone out to an opera, hence the fancy dressups, and after all these years you could still remember the way her eyes went wide and how she stuttered when she first saw the dark navy blue suit you had been wearing.

Someone knocks on the door and you shout out a quick “It’s open!” as you continue to adjust the collar of your suit. 

Through the mirror you see Steve pop through the door. Your hands still when you catch the worried expression on his face.

“Do you have a second?”

Less than a minute after Steve had entered your room, you were on your way to where Wanda was getting ready. Your worries only skyrocket when you catch sight of Natasha who was lingering outside of the room where you knew Wanda was in. She too had a very worried expression on her face.

“What’s wrong? Steve said that you were looking for me?”

Natasha nods towards the door. “I think you should go talk to her.”

“It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding,” you joke, trying to lighten the mood. But the smile falls off your face when Natasha’s expression doesn’t change.

You swallow hard when she tilts her head towards the door. Brushing past the redhead, you gingerly knock on the door.

The lack of a response only made your nerves tighten.

“Babe? Is everything okay?” You nervously chew on your lip, but when you don’t get a response again, you gently push it open and pop your head in. 

What you see takes away your breath. Dressed in a backless white lace gown, Wanda looked like a masterpiece. You had to stop yourself from raking your eyes up and down her form, knowing that the longer you stared, the less self-control you’d have. 

And that’s when you notice the tears in her eyes. And not the happy kind. Her pre-applied makeup was already running down her face.

“Wanda, what’s wrong?” You take a step towards her but she instantly backs up.

“I’m sorry, I… this isn’t right.”

Your heart thuds in your chest. “Babe,” you slowly start, racking your brains for how to calm down a clearly distressed bride on her wedding day. “You’re just having some pre-wedding jitters. It’s totally normal--”

“No. You don’t understand. I can’t do this.” She cuts you off, a look of panic now clearly written across her face.

“Wand--”

“I can’t marry you!” Her words ring out in the room and both of you freeze.

It takes you a second to find your voice. When you do, you can’t stop the hurt from leaking into your voice. “What?”

She looks ashamed when she says her next words. And those four words are enough to make your world stop for the second time within a minute. “I still love him.”

And that’s when you notice the letter she’s clutching in her hands. From where you’re standing you can see the postage mark as clear as day. It was stamped from two days ago, sent from Tennessee.

Seeing as you only knew three people from Tennessee, one being in the room with you, the other lingering outside the door, and the last one a phantom you’ve only ever heard about, it didn’t take a genius to figure out who she was talking about.

“Vision, he still loves me. And I… I thought that I could do this. That I could love you.”

You want to tell her to stop talking. To stop breaking your heart in two. But your words fail you as she keeps going. Each word only serves to drive the nail in harder. 

“And you are amazing. You are kind, wonderful, and every bit the person I could find myself spending a lifetime with. But I still love him. I never stopped and I don’t think I ever will.”

Stop. Please stop. You’re not sure why this was happening. Where was all this coming from? Wasn’t she just telling you that you were it for her the other day? 

“You have to know how sorry I am. I am so sorry, I--”

Finally finding your voice, the words come out broken. “Wanda. Please.” Your voice cracks and you can see the pain reflected in her eyes. “Don’t do this.” You try to swallow away the pain. This couldn’t be happening. This was just one of Tony’s lame pranks. It had to be. “I love you.”

Just looking at Wanda’s face, you would’ve thought that someone slapped her.

She shakes her head again, nervously wringing her hands in front of her. “I-- I’m sorry, I don’t… I still love him.”

You watch with a numb heart as she slips off her engagement ring. Every nerve in your body’s telling you to run. To back away so she can’t give it to you.

But your limbs don’t listen. You can’t move. 

Frozen in time, you can only watch as the ring is dropped into your hand.

Wanda’s fingers barely brushing against your own still serves to set your nerves on fire, and you don’t know what that means. How could you stop loving someone just like that? Just because of a single letter from the past. Did she ever love you? Or was it all an attempt to get over someone you’d never be?

You shake your head, desperately trying to keep yourself together. This can’t be how this ends. Your life together was barely starting. “Wanda.” 

There was a hidden plea in her name. A last ditch effort to hold onto your crumbling relationship.

“I’m sorry.”

And with those two words, you knew that this was it.  You couldn’t compete with someone that she shared such a long history with. After all, what were your three years compared to the ten she shared with Vision?

She gives you one last long look. 

A part of you hopes that she wanted to memorize your face one last time. The face of someone she could have loved in another life. 

But it was the look of sorrow. Of pure regret. 

And then she was gone. 

You’re left looking at the ring in your hand, the green gem mockingly sparkling back at you. 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to play out. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. 

You’re not sure when everyone got in. But sometime between staring at the ring and falling to your knees, your friends had made it into the room. 

You were supposed to walk down the aisle to marry the love of your life.

Someone kneels down in front of you, trying to catch your eyes. You think it’s Tony. But you’re not sure. 

The vow you had memorized but have yet to say was still fresh on your mind.

The brown eyes in front of you keep turning into green tear-filled eyes.

The worried voice asking you what was wrong keeps turning into phrases of “I’m sorry,” “I can’t do this,” “I still love him.”

Well, a vow that you were never going to have a chance to say now.

The room was too crowded. The suit was too stifling. 

You couldn’t breathe.

How could this be the end?

You pull at the collar. Something rips. Whether it’s the suit or your heart, you couldn’t be too sure. 

Everything had been planned out.

Stumbling to your feet, you push past the people in the room and make it out the door.

The house in the suburbs of New Jersey. 

Someone’s calling your name. 

Names of your future children. 

Someone’s asking what’s wrong.

The life you were going to build together.

Someone’s wondering where the bride is.

You had everything planned out. 

But you never planned on Wanda changing her mind.

[growup-thatbeautiful]

Hi! I saw you had your song request open... I was thinking maybe a Natasha Romanoff with Peace by Taylor Swift? I personally think it would fit so much 😍😭

omg it fits so good, nonnie 😭😭😭😭

send me a song and i’ll write a fic!

peace

natasha and you aren’t loud about your love, but it’s not peaceful. how can it be, when your love is based on a profession that could kill you at any time. you both have pasts that could come back and haunt you at any moment.

you knew that going into the relationship, though. so no, it’s not peaceful, but it’s also not compliant. in your opinion, compliant is one of the worst things a relationship can be. you know the old “fights are healthy” isn’t necessarily true, but you and natasha have your fair share of fights. some are about who was being more reckless on the last mission, some are about who forgot to put the dishes away.

this time you’ve honestly forgotten whatever it was you were fighting about. it was something stupid you’re sure. right now you’re with wanda, sam, and vision, who are trying to stay out of it, but also nudging in the direction they think is right.

“you guys should just break up,” says sam.

“i agree. sounds like you guys just fight. no one would actually know about you two being together if the news hadn’t splashed it all over every sign,” adds wanda with an eye roll.

”not all of us have perfect relationships, wanda,” you joke, trying to hide how you actually feel. is there a problem with you and wanda? sure, you fight, but doesn’t everyone? you two live in high stress situations.

“maybe you’re right.”

“of course we’re right,” says sam. “do you even know what you’re fighting about? i’m tired of hearing about this shit. grow up and stay together or keep fighting about everything and cause more pain to each other. you’ve both been through enough not to have to deal with a relationship like this,” he adds kindly.

“yeah,” you say slowly, thinking. you love natasha. you know that. that’s never been in question at all.

you think more on your walk back to your apartment with natasha. your hands are in your pockets, head hung low in thought.

you unlock the door, tossing your keys onto the counter. you can hear natasha in the kitchen, making something for dinner. neither one of you are good at cooking, so you take turns. her back is turned to you, but you can see the tension in her. you assume it’s not from the cooking.

neither one of you does well when you’re fighting. sam was right, it takes its toll. you’re supposed to be the holding each other together, not tearing you apart.

you tap her on the shoulder lightly, a habit that you have with each other. it’s a double tap, something you used to do for luck when you were young. she had found it endearing, and taken it upon herself to revive it.

you lean on the counter next to her. she doesn’t look up or say a word. still mad then. great. your anger died when you realized how real it was.

“everyone thinks we should break up,” you mention, breaking the silence. “wanda, vis, and sam. they say we don’t even look like we’re in love.”

“since when do you care what everyone else thinks,” she says back, none too kindly. you want to slam your hands down against the counter.

“i don’t. it was just statement.”

“do you think they’re right?” she asks, finally looking at you.

you look at her sharply. “no. i don’t think what they say about us amounts to shit.”

“there’s my girl,” she says. “i..” she trails off, sighing. “we both know i’m not good at this. i much prefer the silence conversations we have with each other, but you need to know that i love you. i love you so much. i love how you love yelena like she’s your sister and i love your sunshine smile. i especially love how you stand by me even when my torturous, consuming waves of grief and baggage.” she gives you one of those small, secret smiles that are so rare and you can’t stay mad.

you go into her arms and talk into her collarbone. “i don’t know why people can’t understand that love isn’t about showy gestures and public declarations. that stuff doesn’t really matter, because i would die for you without anyone knowing. standing with me, you’ve got to be careful. there’s always rain where i’m standing, whether it’s pretty if not. we’ll never give each other peace, but we’ll have love.”

[islesnucks]

hi bae can i request a barzy blurb based on dress by taylor swift? ty 🥺

a taylor swift song inspired barzy fic? hell yeah that’s like my two favorite things in the word together

requests are open so go send something if you feel like 

also this turned out a bit longer than I expected

I DON'T WANT YOU LIKE A BEST FRIEND - MAT BARZAL X READER

Word Count: 1.9 k

Warning: none

Summary: after Mat introduces you as his best friend and it affects you more than it should, you end up confessing your feelings for him 

Masterlist

Add yourself to my taglist!

His words hadn’t left your mind the whole night, they were on loop, replaying over and over in your brain. ‘This is Y/N, one of my best friends.’ That’s how Mat had introduced you when you arrived at his family’s friend’s wedding, to which he had invited you as he’s plus one.

You knew you and Mat were just friends, you have been for a long time, and it surely wasn’t the first time he introduced you like that. Maybe this time hit differently because you had just come to terms with the undeniable fact that you had fallen for your best friend, no matter how cliché that sounded.

You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when it happened. It just happened slowly without you even realizing. Suddenly seeing him hit on random girls at the bar made you feel sick. Suddenly his hand on your lower back guiding you through a crowded room felt different. Suddenly your name coming from his lips made the world stop. You didn’t know what turned the switch in your brain from platonic to romantic love and made you look at him with new eyes, but once you realized it there was no going back and the thought of Mat and you becoming something more was always there painfully present in the back of your head.

“Y/N?” you heard Mat call you, bringing you back to reality. You looked at him still a bit lost in your thoughts. ”Are you okay?” he asked with his eyes stuck on the windshield as he drove you home after the wedding had ended.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“I don’t know. You’ve been a little off all night.” He noticed, he obviously did. Because he’s Mat, he’s your best friend, he’s one of the most attentive guys you know and he knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. So he obviously noticed, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t keep on pretending.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you replied failing to sound as confident as you wanted to. Mat didn’t say anything and the car fell back into silence. 

You looked outside the window, trying to distract yourself and calm down. You weren’t far away from your place, in just a few minutes you’d be in your apartment. Mat had noticed something but he didn’t know what it was, so you could send him a text explaining you had a headache or something to get him off your back and just move on.

At least that was the plan but then Mat turned off the car and got out of it with you. You thought he was walking you to the building door like he had done many times, nothing strange. However he walked into the building with you and got into the elevator.

That’s when you started to suspect something was happening. You looked over at him confused and he just smiled at you, like nothing was going on. So maybe he was just walking you to the door. You decided not to think too much into it because if you did your heart would start racing and would notice your nerves, the last thing you needed was to give him more reasons to believe something was going on.

As you opened the door Mat was quick to walk into your apartment and you watched him with furrowed brows as he took a seat on your couch, casually like there was nothing weird with it.

“Excuse me? Can I help you with something?” you asked, stepping in front of him.

“I know something’s up Y/N. You barely talked today and you didn’t cry, I’ve seen you cry at stupid commercials and you didn’t cry at a wedding.”

You rolled your eyes walking away from him because you knew you couldn’t lie to his face, he’d notice. “I’m fine Mat I promised I just had a headache.”

“No you didn’t. When you have a headache you massage your head and you get sleepy, that’s not what happened today. It’s more like you were gone.” You hated how much he knew you, it would be harder to convince him but that didn’t mean you wouldn’t try.

“Well I’m sorry I don’t always have the same gestures Sherlock.” you replied, irritation was clear in your tone. Mat let out a deep sigh and got up. It wasn’t his intention to argue and he could see you were getting mad, he just wanted to know what was going on.

“Y/N I know you-” he started to say as he approached you but you were tired of hearing that speech.

“Can we not do this right now? I’m tired Mat, I just wanna go to bed.” you said with a defeated look, lowering your town. He looked at you for a minute and decided to push his stubbornness aside. He knew he was right, he’d bet a million dollars on it, but he also knew you were exhausted, he could see it in your face.

Mat walked till he was in front of you, inches away, and suddenly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. He held you tight as one hand went up to your hair to stroke it. You were surprised at first but then he felt you relax in his embrace. He placed a kiss on top of your head as he balanced slightly from one side to the other, keeping his face buried in your hair.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on okay? Because I know something happened, don’t even try to pretend it didn’t. I just wanna know if it’s something I did, that’s all I need to know because I can’t leave you here alone knowing I may have done something to upset you.”

His voice was soft as he spoke against you. Tears started to build up in your eyes and you tried to push them away as you debated what your next move would be.

If you told him it wasn’t about him he'd leave and you could move on pretending nothing happened and dealing with your unresolved feelings. If you told him the truth you didn’t know what would happen. However you knew that regardless of how he felt about you he’d be nice to you. The man was hugging you tight about his chest, refusing you to leave until you told him it wasn’t his fault because he wouldn’t be able to live with himself knowing he did anything to hurt you.

Maybe it was the wine you had drank. Maybe it was because you were emotionally exhausted and unable to think clearly. Or maybe because you were tired of pretending. You didn’t know the reason why you decided to be honest and tell him how you truly felt, but you did that.

“You introduced me as your best friend today, that’s why I was off the whole day, I just kept thinking about it.” you mumbled against his chest, breaking the silence.

“Did you want me to introduce you differently?” He pulled away a little to be able to look you in the face, but his arms were still around you.

“Yes- I mean no. I-” You stumbled on your words, trying to find the right way to explain everything. “What you did was fine, I am your best friend, that’s right.”

“Then why did it upset you?” You rested your head face against his chest again, not having the courage to look him in the face as you confessed what you were about to confess.

“Cause I don't want you like a best friend Mat. I haven’t for a while now and I just don’t know how to deal with this. It’s not your fault, I don’t know what happened or when or how. I have these feelings for you and I guessed it hurt a bit to hear you calling me your best friend, even though that’s exactly what I am.”

After you spoke the room went silent again and you started panicking. You looked up at Mat who was already looking down at you and all you could see was shock. Suddenly your worst fear was real, you had screwed up your friendship with him. It was over. You felt the familiar knot in your throat and tears blurred your vision.

“Sorry ignore everything I said. Just forget it okay?” you said as you freed yourself from his embrace. Still no reaction whatsoever from him. “Shit. Shit. Shit. I feel so stupid.”

“Y/N.” he said, but you were too distracted pacing around the room and rambling to hear him.

“You know I even spent hours shopping for the perfect dress that would magically make you see me as more than your friend, do you know how stupid that sound? What am I? 15 years old?”

“Y/N listen-” he tried again but there was no getting to you, you were too lost in your own jabber. It was like once you started you couldn’t stop and you’d surely later regret all you were confessing.

“I’m an idiot. I really thought you could maybe by some miracle feel the same and-”

“Y/N!” he said now in a much louder tone so you would hear him and place his hands on your sides to stop you. You were surprised, not even realizing he had approached you at some point.

“Please stop.” he added now on a lower more tender tone, it almost sounded like a plea.

Now that you looked at him the initial shock had been replaced by something you couldn’t make out. His face was unreadable as he stated leaning in and before you could even question what was going on his lips were on yours.

You were surprised at first, eyes wide open not being to process what was going on. But once the initial shock was over you kissed him back. It’s embarrassing how many times you had thought what kissing him would be like, but it turned out to be even better than you could have imagined. His lips caressed yours gently, even a bit shily. Your hands met on the back of his neck and his slid down your sides to your waist, pulling you closer. 

Then a thought found its way into your brain.

“Wait.” you mumbled against his lips and he instantly pulled away. “I need to know you’re not doing this out of pity.”

He chuckled letting his head fall back before answering. “I’m doing this because I also don’t want you like a best friend. Because you do look amazing in that dress. Because I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long now. Because-” 

Your smile grew wider with every word and your cheeks turned red. You could tell he planned to keep on going, and you were surely going to ask him to tell you the rest later, but now there was only one thing you wanted.

“Ok, ok. I get it. We can go back to kissing now.” you said making him laugh, already tugging him closer by his neck and his laughs died in your lips.

-

hope you liked it! likes and reblogs are always appreciated!

taglist: @glassdanse @2manytabsopen @tazeboes @barbienoturbby @sweetlittlegingy @petey-patty @mcsteamylove98 @ttylfedora @chieflawyerpastatoad @iwantahockeyhimbo @cherrymaybank

[alltooreid]

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

In order to keep Y/N safe from danger, Spencer vows to keep their relationship a complete secret from everyone they know. However, as their romance gets more serious, Y/N and Reid begin to realize that no matter how in love they are, they may have been doomed from the start.

A/N: Back at it with a hopefully very angsty fic! This is of course inspired by the Taylor Swift song, but you don’t need to be familiar with the song to read and enjoy! Also I made a playlist for this one shot, which you can find here (its best if you listen to it in order and of course you don’t have to listen as you read, but if you enjoy that kind of thing, I thought it would be fun). Additionally, in order for the timeline of this fic to make the most sense, I’m choosing to ignore the Lauren Reynolds subplot, because trying to incorporate it and explain it would be distracting and unnecessary in my opinion. Thanks for reading!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Type: Angst

Word Count: 3.9K

Content Warnings: Some cursing, general fighting angst, discussion of pregnancy, brief mention of abortion (follow up is left intentionally ambiguous, based on your own desires and beliefs you are allowed to decide where that aspect goes (pro choice tings))

“I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche?”

Spencer Reid hated funerals. 

Somehow he felt he was always invited to one, and no matter how hard it was for him to be there, he always made every effort to go. So when Hotch had to plan Haley’s funeral, Spencer knew he had to go, no matter how much he would hate it.

He looked down to the grass as his supervisor cried over his now dead wife, the most emotion he had seen from him ever. He refused to look up and watch, although there were at least a hundred people there to mourn Haley, this moment felt innately private to Hotch. Spencer didn’t think it was his place for his eyes to intrude. 

So he stared at the lawn and got lost in his own mind.

Right then and there he realized he never wanted to go through what Hotch had to go through. No matter how many philosophers described love in the most beautiful, enchanting way, Spencer didn’t want it anymore. 

He didn’t want to go through a heartbreak, because how worth it could it be?

Of course, all information he had in his repertoire pointed to the claim that it was worth it. Yet he couldn’t pay attention to Oscar Wilde, trying to tell him that “hearts are made to be broken,” or E. A. Bucchianeri screaming that “grief is the price we pay for love.”

All he could see at that moment was the most stone-faced man he had ever known, breaking down in front of everyone he knew over the woman he loved. 

At that moment Spencer Reid vowed to completely give up on love. He would become the best profiler to ever live. People would compare him to Jason Gideon, but Spencer Reid would win every time. Spencer wouldn’t let himself be like Gideon and get so hung up over a person that he couldn’t ever work anymore.

So when Spencer left the funeral and went to bed that night, he was confident that he would sleep alone like that forever. It was comfortable like that and he was happy. Who needs to be in love?

Not Spencer Reid that’s for sure.

Well, until three months later, when Spencer Reid met Y/N Y/L/N. 

She was beautiful, and Spencer knew he wanted to get to know her the first time he laid eyes on her. 

But he was doing such a good job recently…. Even Hotch was impressed with his work ethic. The only one who had talked to him about his lack of emotion was Penelope, she seemed concerned when Spencer told her he didn’t want to meet let alone go on a date with the cute nerdy barista from her go to coffee shop. Spencer refused to reason with her, he was too focused on proving himself to Hotch and the rest of the team. 

Even though in the back of his mind, Spencer knew he had already proven himself to the rest of the team, now he just needed to be good enough for himself.

A truly impossible task.

But he was still trying to do it, so he didn’t talk to the barista at the new coffee shop he was trying.  

He wasn’t expecting her to try and talk to him. Maybe that’s why he was so willing to give up his own reasoning.  

“That’s a lot of sugar, sugar. Are you as sweet as your coffee?” she said, giggling as she did it. She knew the line was cheesy and stupid but she had been eyeing Spencer Reid since he came in and knew she needed to get his attention. Luckily, he couldn’t help but laugh.

Their first date was right then and there. They got distracted and talked till closing, Y/N’s coworkers noticing she was actually putting herself out there and deciding to pick up her slack so she could continue. 

“So are you going to call me Dr. Reid or were you just leading me on for 3 hours?”

“Of course I’ll call you, how else am I going to get you to watch Doctor Who?”

Y/N smiled, “Well I know this is kind of forward, but I have this art exhibit tomorrow, I would love to see you there. But don’t over think that! I’ve invited pretty much everyone I know. I have a bet to win amongst the other art students, whoever has the most people come to see them wins one of those giant Costco sheet cakes. I need that sheet cake Spencer.”

Spencer smiled, “Well, I am from Vegas . . . Maybe I could help push the odds in your favor.”

“Well I can’t wait to see you there. Tomorrow, 6 pm, I’ll text you the details.”

It was only when he laid down to sleep that Spencer remembered his philosophy on love, but strangely, he did not care. 

He may have been trying to freeze his heart, but Y/N was coming in with a blowtorch.

And he didn’t mind. In fact he unlocked the door to let her in.

So when he arrived at work the next morning, he fully intended on going to her art show. He thought about what flowers to bring her. . . was this a date? Was last night a date? Were roses too strong a message? He couldn’t do anything red, it was too forward. Pink? What if she saw it as stereotypical because she’s a woman, maybe she hates pink?! Yellow Tulips were safe, but if he got her yellow tulips then she would think they were just friends and Spencer didn’t want to be just friends.

His internal debate was interrupted by none other than Penelope Garcia, but not to interrupt their paperwork day with a case, but to make an announcement to the bullpen.

“Hello my loves! I have an interesting idea for some team bonding tonight, my favorite barista and dear friend has invited me to her school art show. Of course she needs the most support humanly possible, so you all need to come with me and look at cool art!”

“Who’s this friend of yours Penelope?” JJ asked.

“Oh Jayge you’ve met Y/N! She’s lovely and I’m sure an incredible artist. You guys will all love her!”

Suddenly Spencer remembered Hotch and his broken down faces at Haley’s funeral. He remembered his philosophy on love and his fear of heartbreak.

But he also remembered how alive he felt with Y/N. How the way she laughed like a little kid and how that made him feel giddy. He remembered how she was always so interested in what he had to say. He remembered that he really liked her.

And at that moment, Spencer realized that he did not have to choose between being in love and keeping his heart safe from the devastating heartbreak of seeing his true love die. He realized that the reaper could only find Haley because Hotch let people know they were together Because everyone knew of Hotch’s wife, she was in constant danger.

Maybe if he kept Y/N secret he could still be with her.

“Spencer! Did you hear me?”

“No, um sorry Garcia what did you say?”

“I asked if you were going to come to Y/N’s art show, you know you too would make such a cute couple! You should totally come.”

“I actually can’t, I’m not feeling well.”

She sighed, “That’s what you said last time I tried to get you two together 187 . . . Do you want to talk about anything Spencer? You haven’t been yourself lately.”

“I’m fine, I just have a headache. I don’t want to go out tonight.”

She rested her hand on his shoulder for a second, before following Morgan to the kitchen. Spencer knew she was going to say something to him, but he didn’t care. He had found the perfect solution to his conundrum.

And he knew exactly what flowers to send to Y/N.

Y/N texted him thirteen times, and waited an extra hour after the open house closed in case he showed. So although she went home empty handed, one person away from enough cake to feed fifty, she received a call from Spencer Reid.

“Hey, where were you tonight? I was looking forward to seeing you.”

“I’m sorry Y/N, something came up, but I have something for you! Are you still there?”

“Oh no, I just got to my apartment. I can send you the address.”

“I’ll be over as soon as I can.”

And five minutes later Spencer was at Y/N’s door, with Chinese take out and white peonies, a flower known for its apologetic symbolism.

Y/N blushed, “You didn’t have to bring me flowers Spencer . . .”

“Well I wanted to bring some to your show, but I figured this could be the next best thing . . . And maybe we could eat some of your Costco sheet cake afterwards. Sounds like a balanced meal to me.”

“Although I love that idea, I unfortunately came home tonight sheet cake-less.”

Reid frowned, “How close were you? Would I have made any difference?”

“Oh no!” Y/N lied, “I was way off, don’t even worry about it.” She smiled, “I’m just excited that you're here right now.”

Spencer blushed and looked down at his feet, “Well I’m excited to be here.”

Four months after that night, Y/N asked Spencer a seemingly stupid question while they were eating take out at her apartment. “Spencer, I love takeout and all but we haven’t gone out in public together since the first time we met. . . Call me stupid but I’m starting to wonder if you don’t want to be seen with me.”

Spencer sighed, “Y/N, it’s not that it’s just . . . complicated.”

“I just don’t get it. Am I the second woman or something?”

“No! Absolutely not! You are my one and only flower,” he said, smiling and then leaning in to kiss her nose. She giggled in response, but quickly remembered the serious nature of their conversation. “Y/N, you know what I do for a living.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything.”

“Not too long ago, my boss was targeted by a serial killer who made it his mission to make his life miserable. In doing so he killed his wife. I just . . .  I don’t want that to happen to you Y/N. I think I’m falling in love with you, and I can’t put you through that.”

“Spencer . . . I love you too.”

So no matter how badly Y/N wanted to tell her family, or update her Facebook status, she respected Spencer, and although she didn’t completely understand his concerns, she wanted him to be happy.

So she spent ten more months like that, catering to Spencer Reid’s peace of mind. Pretending to smile as he told her stories of all the funny things his team members did, all about their partners, and their love lives.

A couple times now, Y/N asked Spencer if she could meet them, but Spencer always shot it down. When he first mentioned the idea of keeping their relationship a secret, Y/N had secretly hoped it would be one of those things that was forgotten about within a week or two. But no. It had been many, many weeks, and Spencer still didn’t want to be seen in public with her.

And by now that was all she wanted. To go on a real date, to introduce him to her friends, to actually be able to tell her coworkers that something did come from that guy she hit it off with.

Everyday, Y/N felt she did the same exact thing, she went to work, would come home and if Spencer was still in Quantico, she would convince him to come over. (They had been dating for over a year now, and Y/N had never been to his apartment. She didn’t even know where it was). If Spencer did come over, he would usually bring some kind of dessert with him, and they would talk and be merry in their own little secret oasis. A couple weeks ago, Y/N started to get this uncomfortable, uneasy feeling that encompassed her whole body, her whole being. Every part of her was trying to tell her that Spencer Reid was not the man for her. And even though she was still very much in love with him, she agreed.

Although she loved Spencer for the person he was, the man who brought her every different flavor of cheesecake from the bakery across town (one a day for fifty nine days straight), the man who begged her to make him a painting for valentines day instead of buying him a present, the man who cried when she did and laughed when she did and-

There were a lot of things to love about Spencer Reid, but there were a lot of things to hate about their relationship.

She hated the time she bought a gold locket in the shape of a heart, and put a picture of them in it so she could keep him with her all day long, and he made her return it because it could fly open and someone could recognize him. She hated the day she came home with a little beige kitten named Betsy and Spencer made her give Betsy to her sister so that he wouldn’t get cat hair on his clothes and have to answer a million questions. She hated the time Spencer missed her birthday weekend because he had a case and couldn’t give an excuse to why he couldn’t go. She hated that Spencer was her entire life, while she seemed like just an inconvenience to his.

And most of all, she hated that she loved him so much. Because deep down she knew that she could never leave Spencer Reid, but she also knew that there was no way they could last if nothing changed.

Just then Spencer knocked on her door, she had offered him his own key many times, but he declined because he didn’t want anyone to see it on his key ring and ask what it was for. She let him in, and right away his fun perky smile dropped. “You’ve been crying. I can tell.”

“Is that the kind of thing they teach you in FBI school?”

“Yes actually, but that’s not the point,” he said, dropping his bouquet of red chrysanthemums on Y/N’s coffee table and grabbing one of her hands with both of his. “Talk to me Y/N.”

She sighed, “I love you Spencer, but I just don’t know if we can do this anymore.”

“What do you mean flower?”

“Spencer we’ve been together for over a year-”

“One year, two months and five days,” he corrected.

“Yes, yes that. We’ve been together for one year, two months and five days but no one except us knows that.”

“Y/N I thought you were okay with that, I just want you to be safe.”

“I thought I was okay with it but,” she paused, afraid of what she wanted to say, “I’m not Spencer, I don’t want to live like this anymore. I love you, and I want to be with you. To really be with you. What happens if we ever get married, do we have to get eloped, would you even let us get married because you need someone else to watch? When do I get to tell my mom I’m in a relationship? What if you get hurt out in the field, and no one has heard of me, let alone knows to call me, and we never get to say goodbye? How far do you plan on taking this?”

Spencer grew flustered, “Um, I- I don’t know? I didn’t know you were even thinking about those things.”

“Do you think about those things? Things like getting married?”

“You’re the love of my life Y/N, of course I do.”

“Well then something needs to change. We can’t live like this anymore.”

“Things will get better Y/N, I promise you, we’ll start small but I’m going to make this better for you. Actually, um we can start right now,” he started digging through his messenger bag. After a minute, he pulled out a smaller gold heart locket than the one you had originally purchased for yourself. “I, um I was going to give it to you for your birthday, but I feel like now is the best time. I couldn’t find the same one, but it’s the same picture inside.”

She teared up, “I love it. It’s perfect. Here, put it on me.” She turned around and pushed her hair to one side so that Spencer could clasp the delicate chain around her neck.

They kissed, and afterward Spencer spoke, “I hate to ruin this moment, but I’ve had to use the bathroom ever since I got here.”

Y/N laughed, “Ok go, I’ll be waiting.”

While waiting for her love to come back, Y/N admired her flowers. Ever since Spencer began to get her different flowers to symbolize different things she had developed an abnormal botany fascination. She would always beat Spencer to explaining the symbolism of her latest bouquet, so she already knew the red chrysanthemum was a symbol of prosperous, passionate love in most countries. However she also knew that in Italy, chrysanthemums were a death flower, given only at funerals.

Part of her couldn’t help but wonder if some unconscious part of Spencer’s genius brain was beginning to feel the same way she did. Three weeks later nothing much had changed in the state of Y/N and Spencer’s romance. She was still unheard of in the eyes of the BAU and two nights prior Spencer had stopped her from calling her mother to tell her about him.

And then Y/N discovered her sick, uneasy, all over body feeling was not just her incredible intuition.

She was pregnant.

She had taken a couple of tests a while prior and could just now get into the doctor to get it confirmed. But it was official. She was pregnant.

As soon as the nurse confirmed it she broke down crying. And when she asked her a couple more questions, she broke down even further. “Are you currently in a relationship?”

“No,” she sniffed.

“Do you know who the father is?”

“I don’t know,” she sobbed.

“Sweetheart, I don’t know where you want to go from here, but there’s a lot more options that you may think. Everything will be okay.”

Y/N still cried the whole way home.

She spent the rest of the day thinking about how to tell Spencer, and then overthinking what he would say.

She knew Spencer loved children, but he couldn’t even manage to tell people she existed, how was he going to explain a long term relationship and a baby?

It would have taken decades for Y/N to prepare to deliver this news, but Spencer showed up at 8:19 pm.

“Hi flower! How are you today?”

“I’m pregnant.” She blurted out, she was not planning to do it exactly like that, but she panicked.

“What?”

“I’m pregnant Spencer.”

He sighed and ran one of his hands through his hair, “You could get an abortion?”

Y/N lost it. “Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me Spencer?”

“I don’t think a baby is going to be very easy to keep a secret Y/N.”

“Is this how far you’re willing to go Spencer? You want to keep me hidden so bad that you want me to get an abortion? Are you insane?”

“You’re right, Y/N, I’m sorry, we’ll figure something out.”

“No, you’re wrong there Spencer. I’ll figure something out.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. I love you but, please just get out of my apartment.”

“Y/N please don’t do this, I love you, we can make this work. I know I haven’t been doing the best job for these three weeks, but just give me a little time and I promise we can do this.”

Y/N wiped tears from her eyes, then reached her thumb up to Spencer’s face, wiping his cheek. “Spencer, it’s not a matter of how much I love you or you love me. Sometimes, things just aren’t made to work out. We gave it a good run, but no matter how hard we love each other, I don’t think either of us is happy.”

“But I don’t know how to live in a world without you in it, flower.”

“I’ve never been in your world Spencer, after tonight, nothing in your life will drastically change. You don’t have to worry about living in a universe without me because you’ve already been doing that for 15 months.”

“Please don’t do this, can we just give it another try?”

Y/N wrapped her arms around him, “That’s all we’ve been doing.”

The couple stayed in silence like that for a couple of minutes before Spencer spoke. “Can we just stay here for one night. I can’t believe I never got to do it.” Spencer had never spent the full night at Y/N’s place because he always worried that he would forget to answer his phone and the team would try to come to his apartment to tell him they had a case.

“You know we can’t do that Spencer,” she sighed, knowing she had to stay strong and act on her own best interest, but she also loved Spencer. “But you can stay here, if you want.”

He thought for a moment. “Okay, um do I need that key you always offered me? To lock up when I leave?”

“No, the front door locks automatically when you close it, you just have to make sure you have everything before you go.”

And so Spencer slept in Y/N’s bed, for the first time, without her in it.

And Y/N called the one person she knew Spencer would never try to track her down to to avoid exposing himself.

Penelope Garcia.

She of course let Y/N stay with her for the night, and although she would eventually, Garcia did not pry when Y/N said she didn’t want to talk about what was going on. So Y/N walked to her apartment with peace of mind, she knew that although she had a lot to think about, for the time being everything was going to be just fine.

On the way to Penelope’s apartment, Y/N saw a flower vendor. She couldn’t help but stop by and pick up a bouquet for Penelope, but more so for the symbolic meaning.

Daffodils and daisies.

The flowers of new beginnings.

“I'd kiss you as the lights went out Swaying as the room burned down I'd hold you as the water rushes in If I could dance with you again”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

holly’s tiny taglist: @reidingmelodies​ @hercleverboy​

[arianajbb]

FIC RECS - 1

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💕 A Lesson In Love by @buckyywiththegoodhair 

(College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

. 💕 The End Of The War by @redgillan 

Everyone knows you and Steve can’t stand each other, but after he runs into you after one of his fights, he starts to see you in a different light.

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💕 Babies! Assemble by @honeyloverogers 

On a mission involving time travel, as if they haven’t learned at all that it’s dangerous, the Avengers get turned into babies. Including your boyfriend.

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💕 Have You Any Wool by @threeminutesoflife 

Dinner with Ransom doesn’t go as planned.

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💕 Peaches and Plums by @cptnbvcks 

After escaping hydra, Bucky finds a pretty peach vendor to work out his troubled mind with.

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💕 Stitches by @revengingbarnes 

You’re just a clueless new medical student. You’re not equipped to deal with charming, witty, handsome doctors. Especially not ones with pretty blue eyes that make you weak in the knees.

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💕 Saturdays by @sunmoonandbucky 

Bucky Barnes has a new routine.

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💕 Love Made Me Crazy by @sinner-as-saint 

It was all strategic; a plan meticulously constructed by you and your business partner; against James Buchanan Barnes. Not to take him down, no. But just to surpass him in the business world by uncovering his secrets; to learn his ways and hope to be better than him in every way possible. The façade you put up – of being close to him and earning his trust was supposed to be short-lived, most importantly; harmless. But then as always, things got a tad bit more complex when feelings intervened…

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💕  To Be So Lonely by @wlntrsldler 

When Bucky and Y/N signed up for this online pen pal system, they never expected to grow attached to the other person behind the screen. In the pen pal system, they can only unlock the other person’s messages on the 25th of each month. They can write and send off their response as soon as they want but the other person is not able to see it until the 25th.

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💕 eye candy by @angelwidow 

Being Tony Stark’s receptionist was hard. Working alongside the most gorgeous salesman you’d ever seen was even harder. Actually talking to said salesman? Well, that was just insane.

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💕  Strange Times by @beccaanne814 

You have a certain type - smart, charming, and handsome as sin. For years you’ve been in love with the only man you thought possessed all of those traits, but a chance encounter with a Strange individual sends you and a certain ex-assassin on a journey of self-discovery. As you try to find a way back home, will you also be able to uncover the perfect man hidden beneath layers of guilt and self-loathing.

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💕 Stuck Wit U by @slyyywriting 

You and Bucky don’t get along. Your fights have become too destructive so Tony and Steve decide that enough is enough.

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💕 Take Me Higher by @buckychrist 

Who knew that the way into the big broody super soldier’s heart was through his unmet need for a good cuddle?

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💕 x by @mcfreakin-bitch

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💕 x by @thejamesoldier 

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💕 Betrayal by @midnightsunfae 

Bucky catches you flirting with someone at a party and he doesn’t take to it very well.

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💕 two paper airplanes flying by @feliciahardyn 

ransom drysdale will always find you, no matter where you are. always.

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💕 Dear Lover by @feliciahardyn 

you dance with bucky barnes in the obscurity of your room as you recalled the first time you met and how three years later you ended up tangled in each other’s arms. (based on the song “lover” by taylor swift)

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💕 Make You Love Me by @slyyywriting 

You flirt with Bucky every single chance you get.

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💕 The unseen one by @extremelyblackandwhite 

The God of the Underworld falls in love with a mortal.

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💕  Hellfire by @chamomilebottom 

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💕 Promised by @cherienymphe 

when you start waking up with bruises you can’t explain, your nightmares turn into a reality.

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💕  Everything by @trillian-anders 

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💕 tell me you own me by @darthstyles 

mean daddy harry comes out to play

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💕 The Chef’s Strike by @bucky-smiles 

A contract went unfulfilled…

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💕  Bittersweet Temptations by @revengingbarnes 

Y/N Y/L/N loves coffee, always has, which is why she spent all her adult years creating the perfect coffee shop. Cutesy, homey and cozy, it’s the job of her dreams. So what if business has been a little slow lately? It’s her happy place, it would always be. But that was all until the flirty, witty and obnoxious Bucky Barnes opened up a rival coffee shop two blocks down the street. Business and profit are all Bucky cares about. He’s the exact opposite of everything Y/N stands for, and naturally, she can’t stand him. But what happens when Y/N is running the risk of losing her beloved shop and Bucky’s the only one lending her a helping hand?

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💕 The Neighbor by @staymay5 

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💕 came in close by @buckyskorpion 

what could possibly go wrong with a couple of good-natured pranks between sworn enemies?

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💕 (1) New Message by @yikeswtfmate 

One night Wanda and Nat dare Y/N to text her hottest ex. She complies, only to realise it’s not her ex she’s texting and this might be the most attractive man she’s actually laid eyes on.

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💕 Eye For An Eye by @sinner-as-saint 

Battered and bruising, Y/N is out to seek sweet revenge from a man, James Buchanan Barnes, who tore her family apart 10 years ago. Y/N’s plan was simple; infiltrate his life, mess with his head, toy with his heart and leave him broken. Headstrong, she will stop at nothing, not even when it comes down to her being the villain in her own story…

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💕 Under Oath by @ugh-supersoldiers 

The people called for justice, the state answered. The trial of State v. Barnes is set to begin, and the odds are most certainly not in favor of the not so beloved ex Winter Soldier. That’s where you come in, the quick, smart, and all too brave lawyer set on defending and saving one Bucky Barnes from legal prosecution. The only problem? He’s not so sure he’s worth saving at all.

. 💕 Hate To Love You by @revengingbarnes 

While on her death bed, Y/N’s mother has just one wish; her daughter to be married and settled in her life. It’s something her mother has never stopped pestering her about. But up until now, Y/N had managed to not give into her family’s traditions of arranged marriage. And she might have continued to do so if weren’t her mother’s last desire. Unable to refuse her mother’s desperate plea, Y/N agrees to meet the man her parents have chosen for her. There’s just one tiny problem. Her soon-to-be husband is her ex. More tragically, he’s the one ex she never managed to get over.

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💕 Everything by @hootyhoobuckaroo

. 💕 late night devils by @whistlingwillows 

Bucky gets revenge on his ex with you, the girl he never got over no matter how much he thought he did.

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💕 Safe with Me by @bitsandbobsandstuff 

When an unknown threat enters your life, protection is offered at the highest level. As Bucky Barnes comes into your life, the game changes, and you realise falling for the man tasked with keeping you safe is the last thing you expected.    

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💕 Wildest Dreams by @hopesbarnes 

Everyone said he was a bad guy, that he broke hearts. But maybe they were wrong about him.

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💕 Things Bucky says during sex. by @steveodinsonbarnes 

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💕 charming by @venusbarnes 

in which you’re a girl in need of protection, and Bucky’s the perfect man for the job.

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💕 one stroke and you’ve consumed my waking days by @buckthegrump 

Bucky has a pen pal.

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💕 Just One Kiss by @sarahwroteathing 

Bucky Barnes has been chasing after you since he was ten years old, but you’re determined not to give in. How long can you hold out when all he’s asking for is just one kiss? (40′s happy ending AU)

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💕 Come Over by @moonstruckbucky 

You’re new to New York City. Fresh out of post-grad and wanting a change of pace, and this change comes in more ways than one.

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💕 Even In The Darkest Times by @justauthoring 

Bucky x reader where they were together in the forties and when Steve goes back, he sends her into the future so she can be with Bucky while he stays in the past with Peggy.

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💕 Hearts Don’t Lie by @daenyara 

when y/n and her family have to leave Europe to escape the war, finding love in New York is the last thing she expects (and the last thing that interests her). Much to her annoyance, her parents set her up with the one person in all Brooklyn she cannot stand: the charming James Barnes, who’s decided to show her he’s not as bad as she thinks.

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💕 A Bid on Bucky by @samingtonwilson 

You spend thousands of dollars at a bachelor auction for Bucky when you could’ve had him for free this entire time.

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💕 Helpless For You by @sgtjbuccky 

A blind date has lead you and Bucky to the fourth date. Each one proving that you’ve got it bad more than prior and it doesn’t quite matter what will happen - you will keep on falling for that handsome devil and you don’t even mind.

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💕 Lavender by @wkemeup 

Not every nightmare is the same and Bucky doesn’t always wake up as the man you know.

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💕 Fixed by @drawlfoy 

draco has a teasing relationship with the reader–they playfully argue and go back and forth but never acknowledge the fact that there may be something more. draco notices her pulling back and becoming more reserved. he follows her out of the dining hall one day to find her having a breakdown over a dark secret.

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💕 Anytime by @notimetoblog

Bucky is still cautious when it comes to touching people & vice versa. one day after a mission, the avengers are in the quinjet on their way home, Bucky sat down beside the reader & accidentally falling asleep on her & snuggling her. she doesn’t make it a big deal but all the other members are surprised. just fluff involving soft Bucky.

[thesewordsareallihavetogive]

no body, no crime - allison argent x reader

(gif source)

Summary: When y/n disappears after confronting her husband about his affair, Allison takes matters into her own hands. Based on “no body, no crime (feat. HAIM)” by taylor swift [x]. You can find the mood board for this fic here

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: cursing, infidelity, implied kidnapping, implied murder, murder, alleged murder, alleged/implied death of reader, reader is married to a man with a j name 🤢

a/n: hi everyone! it’s been a hot minute since i posted a new fic & this is why. i’ve been working on this since late december of 2020, so this is the longest i’ve ever spent on a stand-alone work. i’ll include more gory details about the writing process at the end if you’re interested :)

dedicated to: elle (@demxters) for all of her help and ideas! this fic literally wouldn’t have gotten finished without her, send her some love <3

this is also dedicated to caoimhe (@free-pool-trash​) for not murdering me after i gave her a preview several weeks ago and then just ✨stopped writing✨

master list

Este's a friend of mine

We meet up every Tuesday night for dinner and a glass of wine

“Hey!” Allison greeted cheerily as she met y/n at their usual table tucked in the corner of their favorite restaurant. y/n returned the brunette’s smile as she stood up to hug her friend, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Allison saw through y/n’s facade and furrowed her eyebrows. “What’s wrong?” she asked as concern spread across her features.

“I think Justin is having an affair,” y/n admitted. The statement dropped like a bomb between the two women, causing Allison to nearly spew the wine in her mouth all over the table. She coughed a few times and drank some water to clear her throat before she composed herself enough to ask questions.

“What happened? Did you see something?” Allison asked hesitantly. Her mind was still reeling from the mere concept of y/n’s husband cheating on her. Sure, Justin had never been Allison’s favorite guy, but it was normal for girls to think that no guy would ever be good enough for their best friend. Right? 

Her husband's acting different and it smells like infidelity

She says, "That ain't my merlot on his mouth"

"That ain't my jewelry on our joint account"

y/n explained what had been going on over the past few weeks. Justin had been acting distant, which wasn’t too abnormal, but when he started coming home from work much later than his shifts ended and disappearing at odd hours of the night, y/n got concerned. The day that she had planned to approach him about everything and ask if anything was wrong, she got a call from her bank while driving home from work.

“Hi Mrs. y/l/n, this is Kathy from the bank. I’m calling to inform you that there have been a few large cash withdrawals from your joint account recently under your husband’s name, as well as a pretty expensive purchase yesterday at the jeweler,” the rest of Kathy’s words sounded muffled to y/n. It was nowhere near her birthday, Valentine’s day, or their anniversary, so y/n didn’t know what he could possibly be spending all their money on.

The next incident came a few days later when both y/n and Justin were home. y/n’s husband was in the shower and his phone buzzed with a new text message alert. Typically, y/n was never the type to snoop on her husband’s phone, but she figured she should check in case it was a work message. At least that’s how she justified it in her head. Justin had saved the sender’s number under the contact name “Spam Risk.” It was clever, y/n had to give him credit for that at least. Upon further inspection, y/n quickly realized that those texts weren’t sent from a telemarketer bot.

6:24 p.m.   I can’t wait to see you tonight, baby - Spam Risk

6:25 p.m.   Don’t keep me waiting too long ;) - Spam Risk

y/n thought the messages were strange, but the picture that followed the messages was definitely what threw y/n for a loop. There, on her husband’s text message thread, was a racy photo of a woman’s body that definitely wasn’t hers. y/n was quite literally stunned to silence as she dropped the phone back down onto the dresser. For the rest of the night, y/n was numb and quiet, not that Justin noticed. Then, like clockwork, he left the house at 11 p.m. with no explanation of where he was going or when he would be back.

By the end of y/n’s story, Allison’s mouth was open so wide she was sure her jaw would hit the table. 

“What are you going to do?” Allison whispered, still in shock. y/n grimaced before clearing her throat and speaking her next words with finality.

No, there ain't no doubt

I think I'm gonna call him out

Este wasn't there

Tuesday night at Olive Garden at her job or anywhere

“Hi, there should be a reservation for two under Allison Argent or y/n y/l/n for tonight,” Allison greeted warmly as she approached the hostess stand at their go-to girl’s night restaurant.

“Right this way, ma’am,” the hostess said with a smile as she grabbed two menus and led her towards their usual table. Two menus. That must mean that y/n wasn’t there yet? Allison thought it was strange, y/n almost always was the first of the two to arrive. Allison brushed off the thought as she thanked the hostess and sat down. She had intended to look over the menu, but the strangeness of it all wouldn’t leave her mind. y/n was late. She was never late. Allison pulled out her phone to text her best friend, and it then occurred to her that she hadn’t heard from y/n since last week. Allison had been away on a “work” trip with her dad for the past six days and had just gotten back into town. After 30 minutes of sitting at the table alone, half a dozen unanswered text messages, and even more calls sent straight to voicemail, Allison dropped a few bills on the table and left.

As Allison pulled out of the parking lot, she turned on the radio in a futile attempt to drown out some of her racing thoughts. Between songs the radio host took to the mic to make an announcement.

“Hello Beacon Hills, we now interrupt your regularly scheduled listening with an urgent message from the Sheriff's department. Speaking now is Sheriff Noah Stilinski,” the host trailed off before there was a brief crackle as the audio transitioned to the Sheriff’s press briefing. Allison turned up the volume as the Sheriff’s voice carried across the radio.

“Thank you all for attending and tuning in. It is with great displeasure and a heavy heart that I inform you all that y/n y/l/n has been reported missing. Shortly after 8 a.m. this morning, we were informed by her husband that she didn’t show up for work yesterday morning and also didn’t come home last night,” Sheriff Stilinski continued speaking but it all began to sound like white noise to Allison. It took everything she had in her to focus on not veering off the road so that she could head to the Sheriff’s station and speak to Stilinski in person. 

Conveniently, her route took her right past y/n and Justin’s house. Allison didn’t know what to expect as she sped by their house, but the fact that Justin’s normally filthy truck had been cleaned and waxed definitely caught her eye. The truck and driveway were soon out of sight due to the speed she was driving at, but at first glance, it looked as though his tires and grill had been replaced.

He reports his missing wife

And I noticed when I passed his house his truck has got some brand new tires

About a week had passed since y/n had been reported missing. Allison wasn’t sure how many search parties had been held, but they all resulted in the same thing: nothing. There wasn’t a single trace of her best friend, in fact, everything in Beacon Hills looked completely unchanged and normal. Allison’s focus and appetite seemed to have left with her other half, try as she might to desperately hold onto them. Her marksmanship had even been affected, something that hadn’t happened since high school.

Allison started driving around town during her free time. She wasn’t headed anywhere in particular, she mostly did it to try to clear her mind, though most times she was unsuccessful. She’d been mindlessly taking right and left turns and before she realized where she was, she passed y/n’s house.

Allison hadn’t planned to slow down as she passed the house, it was a mindless act if anything. Seeing a moving truck backed up to the house while Justin and some unfamiliar blonde woman were unloading boxes ensured that her decision to park her car where it couldn’t be seen and spy on the pair wasn’t mindless. Despite her gut telling her not to, Allison decided to give Justin the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he needed a roommate now since y/n couldn’t pay her share of the rent? Allison tried her best to keep all of her judgments and suspicions at bay as she watched the otherwise uneventful event unfold while biting her fingernails. 

A few boxes later, Justin pulled the blonde in by her waist and kissed her with a fervor that would make most people blush. Allison’s eyes nearly popped out of her head as she sat there in shock with her mouth wide open. It took a while, mostly because the kiss lasted for an obnoxious amount of time, but Allison finally regained control of her body. It was like her brain had to go through a hard reset before she was able to face the reality of the situation.

y/n was right. Justin was cheating on her. Not only that, but Justin had cheated on y/n, spent less than a week grieving her disappearance, then allowed this to happen.

And his mistress moved in

Sleeps in Este's bed and everything

Allison found out that Justin Smith’s mistress’s name was Rebecca Baker. She was a few years younger than y/n and she worked at the same company as Justin. It didn’t take long for Allison to hack into both of their iCloud accounts. A few hours of scrolling later she was really regretting her decision, especially when she got to Justin’s messages to Rebecca about y/n.

2:47 a.m.  What about your wife? - Spam Risk

2:47 a.m.  What about her? - Justin

2:48 a.m.  Are you going to leave her or kick her out or something? - Spam Risk

2:48 a.m.  It’s been taken care of. - Justin

2:48 a.m.  Taken care of? Justin, what does that mean? - Spam Risk

2:49 a.m.  Justin??? - Spam Risk

Each new message ensured that bits of Allison’s fingernails had been gnawed off while her left hand fidgeted anxiously in front of her mouth. Allison decided that those messages were probably the most incriminating thing she’d find digitally, but the time and date stamps caught her eye. The texts were sent early Monday morning, the day that y/n allegedly left home and then didn’t show up for work or return home. 

A chill spread from deep within Allison’s bones up to the surface of her skin, making goosebumps appear. Allison didn’t know what exactly, but she knew something terrible had happened to y/n and Justin had something to do with it. She shut her laptop a little harder than necessary as a resolved look spread across her face.

No, there ain't no doubt

Somebody's gotta catch him out

Good thing my daddy made me get a boating license when I was fifteen

Allison regularly accessed her personal armory, whether it was to prepare for a job or pack for a trip to the shooting range, but it had been a while since a powerful and unforgiving feeling hung over her shoulders. Allison carefully ran her fingers over her custom silver arrowheads as she considered her options. Her father’s words from one of her adolescent archery lessons rung in her head.

“The type of bow and arrows you use doesn’t matter. As long as you use them right, you’ll be able to make any shot. Don’t get hung up on the technicalities.”

Not too long after, her bag was stocked with her essentials: a bow, her trusted black leather archery glove, as well as a handful of arrows, though these ones lacked the silver heads she typically reserved for more exotic expeditions.

The rare dark clouds in the California sky at sunset were reflected in Allison’s cold eyes. The drive to her target’s house was familiar, the turns she made were almost instinctual. Normally these roads reminded her of her coffee dates with y/n and nights they spent talking for hours until sunlight crept through the windows. Now, her mind was blank and her heart was devoid of all emotion.

Even though Allison had disabled her car’s GPS earlier, she parked her car about a mile away from his house. When she was done, there wouldn’t be any evidence that could be traced back to her. She memorized his schedule; at 5:00 p.m. his shift ended and recently he’d been getting home by 5:20. His girlfriend got home sometime between 5:30 and 5:45, but she would leave for her pilates class around 6:30 and wouldn’t get home until 7:45. Allison had just over an hour window to get the job done, but it wouldn’t take that long. If everything went according to plan, she’d be off the property within a few minutes of taking the shot.

When she arrived her target had just come home from work and was alone in the house. She waited patiently, hidden by the trees that the property backed up to. She watched as he moved around through the open curtains and then as his girlfriend entered the house and kissed him with a passion that made Allison’s stomach churn. She watched as they ate dinner together, as her target’s girlfriend got ready for her gym class, and watched as she got in her car and drove away. When Allison checked her watch it was only 6:25 p.m., she had far more time than she needed.

The plan was simple, really. Under the cover of darkness, she’d flip the breakers, effectively cutting the power. When her target came out to investigate, she’d let him fumble around in the darkness for a while. He’d always been a paranoid individual, so it wouldn’t take much to get him on edge. A rustle in the bushes here, a small snapped tree branch there, and then something that would get his attention. Allison wanted his eyes to be on her when she took the shot.

Allison’s target was watching TV so he knew immediately when the power went out, plus the fact that the once illuminated house was suddenly bathed in darkness. The high-pitched yelp that escaped his throat almost made Allison laugh. She had to keep quiet though, at least for now. As expected, the dopey man scurried around to the side of the house where the breakers were located in no time. The batteries in the flashlight he held were on their last leg, that much was evident in the way the light beam flickered every few seconds.

Just as he opened the door to the circuit breaker panel, Allison moved. A rustle here. The sound practically echoed in the silence of the night, causing the man to whip around and shine his flashlight directly at the source of the noise. There was nothing there. It’s just the wind, he reasoned before getting back to work. After a few switches had been flipped - none of them for the outdoor lights - he heard another noise. This one was much louder than the last, a small snapped tree branch there. Again, the flashlight’s flickering light beam uncovered nothing, but it was enough to make all of the hairs on the back of Allison’s target’s neck stand up straight. He hastily flipped the rest of the breakers and the outdoor lights finally came on. 

When yellow light from the backyard fixtures flooded the area, both Allison and her target were revealed. Allison stood a considerable distance away from the man, but she was close enough to see the blood drain from his face and his Adam's apple bob. When his eyes darted to the bow hung by her side, realization dawned on his face. He began to turn away with the intention of running, but Allison’s voice held him frozen in place.

“Don’t move,” she ordered quietly without any aggression behind her tone. Her face wasn’t threatening, she just looked calm and focused. Allison’s smooth features and peaceful expression was what scared the man the most.

“I- I’m sorry- I didn’t-” he stammered out, his arms and legs beginning to tremble.

“Shh,” Allison chastised as she raised her bow, loading it with an arrow. Her fingers moved with precision, her muscles knew this routine well.

“Please don’t- no, you can’t, you can’t do this!” the man pleaded. He wasn’t above begging on his knees, but Allison wasn’t about to give him the chance. Her gaze was sharply focused on her target, the view of her tightly grasped bow in her peripheral vision.

“Nous chassons ceux qui nous chassent.”

When Allison’s fingers let go of the bowstring the arrow flew smoothly through the air. The only sounds heard were the arrowhead piercing skin and the man wordlessly falling to the ground. The arrow went straight through his heart. Maybe Allison’s shot landed right where she intended. Maybe there was a metaphor in there. Allison checked her wristwatch, the numbers 6:45 shining back at her. An entire hour to spare.

Time to take out the trash.

I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene

The job didn’t take long at all and it was definitely one of Allison’s least challenging ones, but it still felt nice to take a hot shower and sit in front of her fireplace with a cup of tea. The fire served a dual purpose; the crackles of the burning wood soothed her like a lullaby while the flames licked around and destroyed her bloody clothes from earlier. All of her equipment had been cleaned and put away, positioned exactly as it had been before. Everything was the same, nothing changed or out of place. There was just one less heartbeat in the world that night.

Good thing Este's sister's gonna swear she was with me

On the second day of the trial,  Rebecca Baker’s lawyers were throwing whatever they could against the wall to see if something would stick. That morning they began to argue that Allison Argent might’ve abducted and murdered Justin Smith in retaliation for y/n’s disappearance. It was all speculation at best, but the theory unfortunately made sense to the jury. Before things could get too far, the prosecution called its first witness of the day to the stand.

“Mrs. Martin, where were you on the night of Mr. Smith’s suspected disappearance?” the prosecution lawyer questioned calmly. 

“I was with Allison at my house. We were having a girls night in, you can check my security cameras,” Lydia answered confidently. Lydia still had a pocketful of favors from her MIT days, so when the jurors were shown the clips from Lydia’s home security cameras, they saw exactly what they would’ve expected based on Lydia’s testimony. 

Truth be told, Lydia didn’t know anything about what happened that night; including Allison’s whereabouts and any details related to Justin’s alleged demise. All she knew was that Allison called and asked for a simple favor - an alibi for just a few hours. Lydia didn’t ask questions and Allison didn’t give answers.

Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy

On the third day of the trial, Rebecca Baker took the stand. Her lawyers tried to help her as best they could, but the prosecution was ruthless. All of the evidence was circumstantial at best -  all parties, including the judge and jurors, knew that - but it was enough to make everyone reconsider the spotless image the defense had tried to create for Ms. Baker.

“Ms. Baker, is it true that you knowingly engaged in a romantic relationship while Justin Smith was married to and living with his wife?” another one of the prosecution’s attorneys began.

“Yes,” Rebecca replied meekly. Allison internally scoffed from her seat in the gallery. She found irony in the fact that Rebecca didn’t find any humility or shame in sleeping with another woman’s husband until she was under oath.

“Is it also true that within approximately a week of Mrs. y/l/n’s disappearance, you moved into Mr. Smith and Mrs. y/l/n’s house?”

“That is correct,” Rebecca said as she began to wring her hands together anxiously. The judge tapped his wrist watch and shot a stern look towards the prosecutor. The man nodded in response and continued to his final points.

“I’ll wrap up my questions for you, Ms. Baker. Can you confirm that shortly after moving in with Mr. Smith, multiple legal and financial arrangements and adjustments were made? And these new arrangements make you the sole beneficiary of Mr. Smith’s life issuance policy, assets, and investments?”

By the end of the prosecution’s final question, every jury member and spectator sat up straighter and waited to hear Rebecca’s response with bated breath. The blonde ball of nerves sighed defeatedly before turning to face the attorney directly as she answered his question.

“Yes, that’s true.”

“No further questions, your honor.” As the lead prosecutor returned to the plaintiff’s table, Rebecca’s attorney stood up to address the judge.

“Your honor, the defense would like to request a brief recess,” the defense attorney nearly pleaded. Though his poker face was much better than his client’s, it was clear that he was getting nervous.

“We’ll reconvene in 15 minutes,” the judge ordered with a stern glare cast towards Rebecca.

They think she did it but they just can't prove it

It soon became clear to Rebecca that the recess her legal team requested was nothing more than a “kiss your dignity goodbye” meeting. If she hadn’t been queasy before the recess was called, she definitely was upon re-entering the courtroom.

The rest of the trial seemed to move in slow motion for Rebecca. A few more witnesses were called to the stand, more lackluster evidence was presented, both sides made their closing arguments, and the jury left to discuss the verdict. After what felt like an eternity, the jury returned with an official decision.

Silence settled over the room as a single juror stood to address the court.

“The jury finds the defendant not guilty on count 1 of murder in the first degree based on lack of sufficient evidence. The jury finds the defendant not guilty on count 2 of kidnapping based on lack of sufficient evidence. The jury finds the defendant guilty on count 3 of insurance fraud based on…” 

The rest of the jurors’ statement sounded like white noise to Rebecca. She was just barely coherent enough to hear the judge deliver her punishment a few minutes later. $50,000 fine and 200 hours of community service.

Allison stuck around to the bitter end of the trial to hear the verdict in person. In all honesty, Allison didn’t want Rebecca to go to jail. It wouldn’t be right for her to serve time for a crime she didn’t commit, but Allison did find satisfaction in the fact that Rebecca would soon be picking up garbage in a fluorescent orange vest.

After the majority of the spectators had vacated the courtroom gallery, Allison leisurely gathered her things. Justice had been served to Justin, she personally made sure of that, and now justice had been served to Rebecca. The blonde and brunette women briefly locked eye contact as Allison made her way towards the exit. 

“You did this,” Rebecca whispered to Allison. Suddenly, it was like a flip switched within her. One moment she was numb, yet calm and collected, and the next moment she was screaming (literal) bloody murder and had to be held back by her lawyers.

“YOU DID THIS! YOU KILLED JUSTIN, YOU BITCH!” Rebecca cried, though her words fell on deaf ears. Allison exited the courtroom with her head held high as the courtroom deputy and defense lawyers did their best to calm the hysterical woman.

She thinks I did it but she just can't prove it

A week later the court case was still on Allison’s mind but the emotional scars had begun to scab. Healing was never a straight or smooth path, Allison had learned that the hard way over the years, but this was a start.

y/n’s landlord had been generous enough to allow Allison to gather y/n’s things before he cleaned out the house for new renters. As Allison walked through the home she once considered to be an extension of her own, she felt her throat dry out and tighten up. She hadn’t realized she was crying until she was wiping salty tears off of the picture frames she’d carefully picked up. Each photo unlocked a new memory, some even elicited a chuckle out of Allison amidst her tears.

A photo from y/n’s wedding day stood out among all the rest as Allison’s eyes jumped from frame to frame. It was a candid shot Lydia had taken while they were in y/n’s dressing room before the ceremony. y/n looked as beautiful as ever in her flowy white gown and Allison’s mulberry maid of honor dress complemented it well. As Allison put the final touches on y/n’s hair and makeup, y/n fastened the clasp of a custom necklace behind Allison’s neck. On a thin, medium-length chain hung an arrowhead from the first time Allison had ever tried to teach y/n how to shoot a bow and arrow. y/n failed miserably, but it was a cherished memory for both girls. Since that day, Allison had only taken the necklace off a handful of times.

Allison smiled bittersweetly at the memory and wiped a fresh tear off of the decorative frame before pulling her necklace out from underneath her shirt. She pressed a gentle kiss to the cool silver arrowhead and then to the photo frame, right above y/n’s styled hair. 

A feeling that Allison couldn’t quite explain flowed through her body just then; it was like taking a deep breath of fresh air after being stuck underwater or seeing the gentle rays of the sun for the first time after a hurricane, it felt like freedom. Allison felt almost as if y/n was right there next to her, with her head resting on Allison's shoulder and wrapping her arms around the brunette’s torso. In that moment, Allison somehow wordlessly knew with every fiber in her being that y/n was finally at peace. 

No, no body, no crime

I wasn't letting up until the day he died

a/n: AHHHH DID YOU LIKE IT? it was kind of a wild ride from start to finish and i definitely shed a few tears while i was writing it. please lmk what you think!

okay, now onto the writing process from hell: i started drafting ideas for the fic on dec. 21 or 22 of 2020, after i put together a mood board. i had written more than half of the fic when i decided i hated it and scrapped the whole thing on xmas eve (~3000 words 🤡). after that i was kinda in a rut and couldn’t decide how i wanted to end the fic so i ended up writing and deleting ~2500 words over the past month and a half. @demxters​ is an absolute GODDESS and helped me come up with the ending, so i am eternally grateful to her for that. if any of this seems a lil strange it’s probably because i finished writing it at 4:45 a.m. after working on it for 3ish hours straight. have a great day lovelies!

join my tag list!

@dashkana​ @rogershoe​ @basicbibitxh​ @sweetfairyprincess17​ @samkysnks​ @ellxpsismm​ @pure-ghost​ @lilyspells​ @ineedyourskulls​ @loveheathens​ @plq-cid @linkpk88​ @grace-wade-08​ @brithedemonspawn​ @fanfichoex​ @wistful-chaos​ @silveralma​ @malfoysadore​ @miss-i-ship-it​ @sonnydoesrandomshit​

[writingsnmusings]

Wildest Dreams

pairing: captain syverson x reader

summary: it was supposed to be a one night stand, but the connection was too strong. now that he has to go back, you have one fear. based off of taylor swift’s wildest dreams

a/n: my first syverson fic, please be gentle with me! i don’t know why, but i just got sy vibes from this song and this was the outcome. credit for the use of the name ‘logan’ goes to the amazing @littlefreya​!

he said let’s get out of this town

drive out of this city, away from the crowds

Your head rested on Logan’s hard chest, both of your breathing finally calming down. You didn’t know how long you two had been at it, but you were sure it wasn’t going to end anytime soon.

Logan was due to leave tomorrow afternoon and he was determined to keep you in bed for as long as he could. He couldn't get enough of you and you of him.

“Let’s just leave,” His gruff voice brought you out of your thoughts.

You looked up at him with a sad smile, willing the tears to stay at bay. His hand trailed up and down your back in a soothing manner, he could practically feel the anxiety radiating off of you.

“Yeah? Where would we go, baby?” You decided to indulge him for a bit. You both knew it was impossible, but you wanted to live in his fantasy just for tonight.

“I was thinking Canada; take my Texan girl out of the heat and into the snow?”

You scoffed, “Your ass wouldn’t last in the cold.”

Logan let out a chuckle and shook his head, “If I had you, I'm sure i’d be good anywhere.”

Your heart fluttered at his words. Although he wasn’t a man of many, he knew what to say to make you melt.

he’s so tall and handsome as hell

he’s so bad, but he does it so well

i can see the end as it begins

Meeting Logan Syverson was an accident. A beautiful, horrible accident.

You were at the bar for a girls night when you noticed a group of army men at the table next to you. The biggest one with a beard caught your eye. You two silently flirted for an hour or so till he caught you alone ordering the next round for your table.

“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

The laugh you let out went straight to his heart. You turned to face him and he swore he died and went to heaven because an angel was right in front of him.

“That line work on all the girls?” You asked, already decided that it did, in fact, work on you.

Logan rubbed his neck before speaking, “This my first time trying it out.”

You took the tray of shots back to your table as Logan grabbed some beers for his guys. The tables were soon pushed together and the rest of the night was a blur.

You remember bits and pieces of your first night with the Captain. Stumbling into your apartment, Logan knocking over a table lamp as you clung to him on the way to your bedroom, your dress ripping in half and you having more than one mind blowing orgasm.

Waking up trapped between two strong arms wasn’t bad. Not knowing how the man behind you was going to react, kinda was. You shifted around to find two half lidded eyes looking back at you. You felt yourself blush under his gaze.

“Mornin,’” His voice was even deeper than you remember and it went straight to your core. “I don’t, uh think I said this last night, but names Logan.”

You would’ve smacked yourself upside the head if you weren’t so entranced with the man in front of you. How could you get into bed with a stranger and not even get his name first?

“I’m Y/N.”

Within hours of laying in bed with Logan, you were pretty sure you got his whole life story. In as few words as possible, that is. You were a curious thing so you couldn’t help but ask question after question and for some reason he answered every one.

“So,” You started, “Can I call you Captain?” The roles were switched and his head was laying on your chest. You quickly realized he was a boob guy. Your fingers ran over his buzzed head and down to the base of his neck.

Logan let out a hearty laugh at the way you asked so seriously. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

He pressed sloppy kisses to your chest that made you giggle and attempt to push him off. The giant mass of a man barely budged as you struggled. He finally relented and pushed off of you, only to trap you once again. His arms held his weight above you as he looked into your eyes.

You were screwed, you thought. One night with this man and you were totally and utterly screwed.

his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room

nothing lasts forever

Four glorious months with Logan and it was coming to an end.

You sat cross legged on your bed as he paced in front of you, hands clenched in fists.

“Baby,” You called out to make him look at you. “C’mere.”

Logan sagged over to you and sat down. You grabbed his big hands in yours and soothed the crescent marks he had made with his nails. You knew you needed to comfort him and you were going to, you just needed to wrap your head around this first.

Early this morning Logan got a call he couldn’t ignore even if he wanted to. The higher ups decided he needed to go back out into the field and who was he to say no?

“I used to love when I got called out. I’d get too antsy being here alone and I jumped at the chance to leave. But now,” He shook his head and turned to you, “My blood runs cold whenever that phone rings. I can’t look at the caller ID without my heart practically beating out of my chest. I’ve been dreading that call since that morning I woke up to you in my arms.”

The tears were free falling at this point; on both of you. You scrambled your way onto his lap and held him to you as you sobbed. Logan’s hands gripped your back hard, but you couldn’t focus on that.

“I’m not,” He sniffed and cleared his throat, “I’m not spending today crying. C’mon baby, let’s go out to that place downtown and get back into bed.” He stood up with you in his arms and gently let you down.

You looked up at him with red eyes as he cupped your face and wiped the stray tears. Logan pressed a kiss to your forehead as another sob ripped out of you.

say you’ll remember me -

say you’ll see me again

even if it’s just in your

wildest dreams

The loud alarm Logan had set was blaring for a good minute before he smacked his phone to shut it off.

You had planned on waking up early and making him breakfast and helping him pack, but when 8 AM hit, you two couldn’t bring yourselves to separate even for a few minutes.

You had two hours to get dressed and get to the airport so he wouldn't miss his flight.

Logan had you wrapped in his arms, pressing sleepy kisses to wherever he could reach. You couldn’t lie and say you hadn’t cried when Logan finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning. You two got so attached in such a short amount of time and it just wasn’t fair he was being pulled away from you.

“I don’t want you to go,” You mumbled into his chest. “It’s not fair.”

His arms pulled you tighter against him, if that was even possible as he sighed.

“I know, honey, it’s not. I don’t wanna go either, but we both know I have to.”

You hated that he was right.

The drive to the airport consisted of Logan doing all the talking for once. He talked about which guys he’d be with and not that you were really listening, but he knew you needed comfort this time and you loved listening to his voice.

“We’re here.” You whispered mostly to yourself as he parked. You wished you could go back to the night you met and just relive everything all over again. You didn’t want to go back to your empty apartment that over the past few months became his too.

Logan’s arm was wrapped around your shoulders as he checked in and put his bags through. You knew you look ridiculous with your tear stained cheeks and red eyes, clinging to the muscled man in a tan shirt and army pants, but you didn’t care. You didn’t know when you would see him next and that was driving you insane already.

You opened your mouth to speak, but the intercom blared the dreadful message that his flight was now boarding. You couldn’t help the whimper that escaped your lips.

“I’m coming back to you, okay? I promise.” Logan cupped your face and pressed his lips to yours.

You poured all the love you could muster into the kiss and so did he.

“I-,” You let out a shaky breath to steady yourself before continuing, “I’m keeping you to your promise, Captain.” You using his rank as a nickname made his lip turn up.

“Of course.”

He pulled you into one last hug before leaving a kiss on your forehead and pulling away. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you watched him walk away. You didn’t realize you were wearing one of his sweaters till you got back into your car and all you could smell was him.

Tears blurred your vision as you sat there and inhaled his scent, not caring about the people walking through the parking lot who were most likely staring at you. You took a few minutes to compose yourself before starting up the car and driving back to the empty apartment that awaited you. You weren’t a religious person, but you were praying to every God out there that your man would be brought home safe.

say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just pretend

[5-seconds-of-bucky]

You Are In Love

A/N: Very much based off the song You Are In Love by Taylor Swift, but I don’t know if this classifies as a song fic?? Anyways, here ya go! (Extra points if you can spot the very vague John Mulaney reference)

Summery: In the end, you’re always glad you married each other

Word count: 2.6k+

Warnings: A touch of angst, mild swearing

“Mind if I steal my wife?” Shawn asked the girls standing around you. 

“Ooh, Y/N, looks like someone likes you,” you maid of honor said in a sing-songy voice. 

“Really? Is he cute?” You all laughed as you excused yourself. 

“Where are we going?” you giggled as he tugged you through the sea of tables. 

He stopped abruptly and you almost crashed into him, placing a hand on his suit clad bicep to steady yourself. “Nowhere in particular,” he said with a smile. 

You eyed him suspiciously and he winked in return, taking your hand off his bicep and kissing it before turning around and tugging you forward again. He didn’t stop until you reached a corner in the gigantic room, pulling you in close and swaying slightly to the faint music. 

“We haven’t really had a moment to ourselves tonight,” he commented as you stood there. 

He wasn’t wrong. You tried to keep the guest list down for the celebration, but that’s a hard task when it comes to a wedding. Everyone wanted to talk to you, and it felt like there was barely any time for you to just be with each other. 

“We have to interact with our guests, my dear,” you said as you looked up at him. “We can’t invite them and then completely ignore them.”

“Well yeah, but it’s our wedding. Emphasis on our.” 

“We have all the time in the world.” 

You smile alone could’ve made him melt on the spot. He’d known for a long time that you were the one, but every time you smiled made him even more positive that statement. 

“That we do, however, we only get one wedding day.” 

It was cliche to say, but everything truly was perfect. From the moment he saw you in the white dress to the moment he pulled you into this dimily light corner away from the rest of the party, everything was pure bliss. 

You shook your head, a genuine smile on your face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

There was silence for a minute; nothing needed to be said. It was you and your husband against the world. 

You were glad you married each other. 

--- 

You yawned as you glanced at the clock. 11:48. You wanted to go to bed so bad, but Shawn made you promise you’d stay up until he got out of the shower. He didn’t tell you why but you assumed he wanted to go out and do something. 

It was one of his favorite things to do while you were with him on tour. He loved his team, but sometimes he wanted to go places without anyone else around. With less people on the streets his fame was irrelevant: he was just some guy walking around with his wife late at night.

Your thoughts were interrupted when Shawn walked out of the bathroom, using a towel to dry his hair. He grinned when he saw you half asleep on the bed, and you couldn’t help but smile back. He silently went to his suitcase and tossed a hoodie to you before grabbing one for himself and tossing his towel in the bathroom. 

“Where are we going?” you asked as you took his hand and he led you out of the room. 

“Don’t know yet,” he shrugged, pressing the button for the elevator. “We’ll know when we see it.” 

You gave him a questioning look. “We’re not going to get lost, are we?” 

“Pssh, I would never get us lost.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Uh huh. What about-” 

The ding of the elevator interrupted you and Shawn dragged you in behind him, pulling you into a bone crushing hug. 

“That’s irrelevant.” 

“But-”

He used a hand to push your face into his chest. “Irrelevant!” 

You sighed and hugged him back, too tired to fight back. 

“I think the first thing we’re going to do is get you some caffeine,” he chuckled, loosening his grip the slightest bit. 

“Good idea.” 

You ended up at some random coffee shop down the road. Part of you desperately wanted to go to sleep, the other part wanted to use the time to have Shawn to yourself; a rare moment these days. 

You took your drinks on the go, walking hand in hand around the quiet streets of the city. Except for the occasional joke about something you saw here and there, few words were exchanged between the two of you. The only light came from the soft glow of the street lamps. It was the perfect night for coffee at midnight. 

“What time is our flight tomorrow?” Shawn asked as he stopped to take a seat on a bench, patting the spot next to him for you to sit. 

“Well, technically it’s today and it’s at 5:30, which is in about four and a half hours.” You sat down next to him. 

“You sound like that really annoying kid at sleepovers. ‘Uh, it’s tomorrow now,” he mocked with a dopey face. 

“Shut up.” You punched him playfully in the arm with a giggle. 

“Good lord, why’d we schedule such an early flight? We really should’ve gone to bed.” 

“Really? I didn’t think of that.” 

“You’re the worst.” The smile on his face said the exact opposite; full of adoration for the girl in front of him. 

“What’cha gonna do about it, huh?” 

“I’m gonna do this.” He leaned in and you assumed he wanted a kiss so you closed your eyes and leaned in as well. Your face scrunched in disgust when you felt him lick your cheek. 

“Shawn Mendes,” you sighed, slowly bringing a hand up to wipe your cheek. 

“Yeah?” he asked with a giggle.

You glared at him. “You are absolutely disgusting.” 

“Oh yeah? What’cha gonna do about it?” 

“Nothing because I’m a civilized person.” 

He rolled his eyes playfully. “I’m sorry, your majesty.” 

You nudged him with your shoulder as you laughed. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he yawned, stretching his arms up before placing one around your shoulders. 

“That was not smooth at all.”

“Really? I think it was pretty smooth.” 

“We’re married and you have to do the yawn arm stretch to put your arm around me?” 

“No.” He rested his head on your shoulders. “I thought it would be cute.” 

“You’re a dork.” 

He was a dork, but you were glad you married him. 

---

“I got the letter.” You rubbed the piece of paper between your fingers. You had read it at least four times that day and you wanted to read it a fifth, but Shawn called and you couldn’t pass up a chance to actually talk to him. 

“Did you like it?” he asked shyly.

“Of course I liked it, silly!” 

He let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t even sure why he’d been so nervous about you receiving it in the first place.  

“I miss you.” 

“I miss you too,” he said, flopping down on the bed of the hotel room he was staying in for the night. “However, I must say that I do not miss your cold-ass hands on me.” 

“Liar,” you accused, fake offense in your voice. “You wish these cold-ass hands were on you right now.” 

“That’s debatable.” 

“Okay then. Well, how's the whole international pop-star thing going?” 

“Oh, you know. Just the usual.” 

“Absolutely satisfactory,” you said at the same time. It was a running joke and you weren’t entirely sure where it began. Just one of the many things that made being apart the tiniest bit better. 

You gazed longingly at a picture of the two of you on your honeymoon on your nightstand. “I want to use these cold-ass hands to give you a hug.” 

“I wish they could.”

“Aha! So you do miss these cold-ass hands!” 

“What, no? That’s not what I said.” 

He could be a liar about missing your cold-ass hands, but you were glad you married him. 

---

You could’ve stayed outside all night. It was the perfect temperature, and the only light came from the moon and a kitchen light you left on for when you decided to go back in. 

You were laying on top of Shawn, head in the crook of his neck and hand over his heart. He had a foot on the ground, using it to rock the two of you back and forth in the hammock. 

He had been rambling for a while now, failing to notice how your breathing was slowing down, eyes closed as you stopped trying to fight the exhaustion from the day. 

“I don’t know. What do you think?” he asked.You didn’t answer and he laughed when he looked down and saw you far away in dream land. 

“Hmm, wha’d you say?” You asked, lifting your head up slightly, bumping him in the jaw. 

“Nothing. Go to sleep, it’s late,” he chuckled, slipping the hand that was resting on your back under your shirt and rubbing circles into your side. 

“No, keep talking. I’m just resting my eyes.” You pressed a soft kiss to his jaw. 

“Mmhm. Get some rest, Y/N.” 

You snuggled into his chest, breathing in the faint scent of cologne and laundry detergent. He buried his face in your hair, closing his eyes and allowing himself to be in the moment. It was rare you got a quiet moment like this; just the two of you at home. 

He was glad he married you. 

--- 

“I just feel like you’re never home.” 

“Shawn, what are you talking about?” you sighed. “I’m home all the time.” 

“I haven’t properly seen you in three weeks. Three weeks, Y/N,” Shawn huffed. “This is the first time we’ve had dinner together in three weeks.” 

“That’s not my fault, Shawn.” 

“I came home early multiple times last week and you weren’t here. You were home at 9:30 every day last week. You’re only supposed to work until seven.” His eyes were cold and his movements rigid. Anyone could tell he was mad, but you knew better. Insecurity was creeping in. This wasn’t a fight you should be fighting, but you were going to anyways. 

“I can’t control my workload. If I don’t get stuff done in time, I get fired. Time isn’t subjective. Deadlines exist.” 

“You couldn’t come home on time just one time? One time, Y/N. That’s all I asked.” 

“What, so I could stay until 11:30 the next day? I love you, Shawn, but I can’t do that to myself.” You were already so sick of the fight. The night had started out nice. You had dinner together for the first time in a while but Shawn grumbled about how you were never home under his breath and it only escalated from there. 

“All I’m asking for is a little effort on your end.” There were a lot of things he could’ve said right then, but that was the one he had to go for.

“You really think I don’t care about this relationship?” 

“That’s not what I-”

“I married you, Shawn. I’ve put up with the touring for months on end, the long nights at the studio, the PR stunts, everything. I clean the house, cook dinner for when you get home, leave you notes in the morning because I care; because I love you.” 

Shawn zoned out, your rant becoming a background noise in his brain. He wanted to take the words back the moment he said them. He knew it wasn’t true, life was just frustrating when you didn’t see your wife for weeks on end.  

“I think I’ve put in plenty of effort.” You took a step towards him, but it did little to close the huge space between you. “I’m sorry that my job keeps me over every once and awhile, but I put every ounce of myself into this relationship. You should know that better than anyone.”   

He stared at you, trying to come up with the right words; words that could just fix everything so you could have just one nice night together for once. 

“Are you going to say anything?” you asked, arms crossed and hurt evident in your voice. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He ran a hand through his hair, voice having the slightest tone of accusation. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. His eyes were sincere, you could tell, but his lack of words said much more. 

“Okay then,” you said quietly, biting your lip. “When you figure out what to say, let me know.” 

“Okay.” His voice was barely audible, but it spoke volumes. You turned on your heel and walked to the guest bedroom, closing the door softly behind you. Angry as you were, slamming doors wasn’t going to help anything. 

He sighed as you disappeared. You always seemed to be the more rational of the two of you and he never understood how you could deescalate yourself so quickly. 

You could be mad at him all you wanted, as the end of the day, he was still glad he married you. 

---

“Don’t freak out.” 

“Telling me not to freak out is going to make me freak out more.” You were standing in the hallway of your office building, staring at the ceiling and tapping your foot as you waited for Shawn to tell you why he called you so abdamentelly in the middle of the workday. 

“So I’m kinda on my way to the hospital.” 

“Oh my gosh, Shawn, what happened?” Your mind raced with every worst case scenario. The fact that he was calling you should have been some indication that he wasn’t dying, but that did little to ease your worries. 

“I was messing around with Brain and I might’ve maybe twisted my ankle really bad and it swelled up a lot so we’re just going to get it checked out.” 

You breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank the lord.” 

“Why do you sound so happy?”

“You never call me during work. I assumed you were dead or dying.” 

“That’s a little unreasonable.” 

“Shawn!” 

“Sorry.”

“How bad does it hurt?” 

“Like a . . . a six I guess?” 

Is six enough to warrant surgery? 

“I’m not going to be able to get out before my shift ends,” you sighed, leaning your head against the wall as you looked at your watch. “Let me know if you get out before I go home. I’m really sorry, babe.” 

“Hakuna matata. I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

He was probably the clumsiest person around, but you were still glad you married him. 

---

The remains of Chinese takeout was scattered on the table, long forgotten as you lost yourselves in each other. 

“No, but do you remember when you literally dragged me out at three in the morning and then got us lost so Andrew had to track us down and nearly killed us?” You asked, looking up from where you were laying across his lap.

“That is not what happened. First of all-”

“That is so what happened!” You sat up to give him that ‘you’re insane’ look.  

“You’re crazy, woman.”  

“That’s a strange way to address your wife.” 

“I am a bit of a strange guy.” 

“That’s an understatement.”

“Hey!” He pushed you off of him with a playful smile. “That’s a mean thing to say about your husband.” 

“I am a bit of a mean wife.” 

“That’s an overstatement. I mean, we’ve made it to one year of marriage and I haven’t considered divorce yet. That’s gotta work for something.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“I’m glad I married you, Y/N. Happy anniversary” 

“Happy anniversary, babe. I’m glad I married you too.” 

And it was true. At the end of every day, you were glad you married each other because there could never be anyone better. 

Taglist // add yourself

@fallinallincurls @lonelyreputation @musicalkeys

[spiltscribbles]

How would you do a wolfstar fic based on the way I loved you by taylor swift? from remus' pov :)

~Notes: OMFG Nonny! I need you to understand that this ask threw me back to my Twilight days when I’d watch endless edits of Bella/Edward and this particular one with this song where for some reason Edward was both guys lksajghdsfjoieagh God what a time😂 So thank you and here’s a HC of how’d I write it becs I sorta hate all my writing rn rip fklsdghasdgh But JFC it got so fucking long!!! I’M SO SORRY!

.-

So It would be a muggle AU, non linear sort of thing where you’d see Lily and Remus just hanging out in his house on boxing day of their sixth year. And they’re shuffling through photos of themselves and friends at  Hogwarts. And Remus kind of just stops at this one, particular photo from second semester of last year, when he and Sirius were still going out.

James and Lily are in the background smiling straight on the camera, but the focus is mostly where Remus and Sirius are completely oblivious to the photo, and it’s obvious that Sirius is trying to drag him onto his lap, and Remus’s head is thrown back in laughter, and Sirius is looking at him in that grossly besotted way that softens his gorgeously angular features, and it’s just an absolute deluge of emotions for Remus.

So flashback

They first met when the marauders were auspiciously roomed together as young lads in Hogwarts, and Remus grew up in a quiet coastal town in the north of Wales where everyone knew everyone, and English was actually the second language, and to put it simply, being thrown into that space with the chaotic duo that are James and Sirius was a culture shock. Even Peter— who’s plummy and  who comes from a fine, upper middle class family and is at least familiar with them in the way that the patrician always are aware of one another. So Remus automatically felt like the odd boy out.

But that night, when he wakes up because he misses his Mam and Da, he finds the tallest boy— the one with striking pale eyes and an air of superiority that kind of got on Remus’s nerves, sitting on the windowsill and up at the stars— his namesake in particular. And so Remus joins him and tells him the love story of the moon and the sun that was his Mam’s favorite and it’s the first time they feel something neither of them know the name for quite yet.

Throughout the subsequent years the marauders grow as close as family, a brotherhood of sorts.  But they all know there are different manifestations of friendships within them. There’s Sirius and James who are the boisterous, bombastic ones that always seek the spotlight, and who can finish each others sentences and who cheer one each other along when it comes to their rowdiest of pranks. There’s Peter who’s always been intimidated by Sirius, and thankful for James’s friendship and comfortable with Remus because he’s the only one who never teased him. Then there’s James and Remus where they’ve always been impressed by one another, James because he knows Remus comes from humble beginnings and is bright in the way he works for everything he has and it’s never doubted he deserves it. And Remus is impressed over how much and how deeply James loves and cares about his chosen people, how he can inspire a crowd so effortlessly. But then, probably most peculiarly to Remus is his relationship with Sirius.

He doesn’t mean to sound rude or ungrateful, but his string to Sirius is  a relationship that absolutely eclipses all the others. It’s quiet in it’s intensity, but persistent like a heartbeat. It’s nights they spend trading stories by moonlight, and afternoons quizzing each other by the fire even though Sirius has always been naturally brilliant and Remus knows he’s just humoring him, but doesn’t call him on it because he hates the thought of it ending. It’s also evenings when James is at extra footie practice that Sirius teases him for, and Peter’s at chess club, and it’s just the pair of them, existing in each others space, doing whatever they want because it’s enough just to have the other there.

Remus is confused in third year when Sirius got especially pissy because Remus began hanging out more and more with the girl James has always targeted to being a know-it-all. And Remus was cross right back because they don’t even know Lily, and she’s a nice girl, and the only other Northerner like him in their entire year, and Sirius has no reason to be cross at him making a friend outside the marauders.

But then he got even MORE confused when Sirius asked him if he liked her. And Remus literally laughed out loud, which made Sirius scrunch his face sourly which just looked funny because his features are far too gorgeous to be put in such a nasty expression. And it’s nearly five minutes later when he catches his breath and tells Sirius that he and Lily are just friends and only friends. Comparing her to a sister, which became truth in the following years.

And it’s like a snap of the fingers when Sirius immediately smoothes out his face and grins cockily once more, and makes Remus promise that they don’t date any girls unless the others all approve. And Remus isn’t sure why Sirius’s intense focus on his love life makes something peculiar unfurl in his gut but he ignores it and shakes Sirius’s still too large hand— like a puppy needing to grow into his palms. And then they write up a contract and make James and Peter sign along with them in the codenames they came up with last year. Prongs for James because his hair is something gravity defying, Wormtail for Peter because of his pet rat, Padfoot for Sirius because of him asking sodding Minerva McGonagall— their head of house— if she was on her time of the month— as a first year when she gave him and James three weeks detention for a crude prank. And Moony for Remus who constantly got lost in his books and in his daydreams that it takes the others multiple times calling his name for him to be brought back to earth.

Remus kept the contract in his lovage, but never bothered to pull it out fourth year when Sirius suddenly became very, very aware of his good looks, and high social standing, and how any girl attracted to men would chew off her own leg to get a date with him— well save for the possibly only exception that is Lily Evans. And Remus had to just deal with it, and he did. He didn’t know why Sirius and his frequent, but short lasting flings got under his skin so thoroughly. It’s not like he’s annoyed over Peter and his girlfriend Eloise or how James is still going out with a couple different girls even though he’s near constantly flirting with Lily. And it’s not like the ones Sirius decides to go out with are annoying or anything. He really likes most of them. Like Marlene is absolutely hilarious, and Maci has the same world history class with Remus so they studied together a lot. And the rest have perfectly fine attitudes. It’s just— It’s just Sirius begins sleeping more often through the night instead of swapping stories with Remus, and isn’t readily available for whenever Remus needs to take a walk in the woods because he’s becoming full of anxiety over just about everything, and it’s just— He just misses Sirius a lot.

And Remus thinks he’s an idiot because why the fuck does he feel so territorial towards one of his best friends? Why doesn’t he act this way towards James or Peter or even Lily. He doesn’t ever feel this ridiculous, clawing emotion. Something he only calls by name, jealousy, when it’s late and quiet and he’s all alone. And Remus panics because he has no idea what this means, what or why he feels this way. Because he’s not a poof?? Is he? It’s not like he’s ever been especially interested in girls or their knickers, and if the other fifteen year old boys around him is anything to go by, that’s odd. But it’s not as if he’s especially interested in any other blokes either— anyone besides Sirius. Sirius and his artfully tousled black hair that tumbles down the nape of his neck and just a couple inches above his shoulders. and his piercing eyes that always seem as if they can look right into Remus’s soul and sift through all his points of diffidence. Sirius who’s always been there for Remus in ways Remus never even expected, even knew how to ask for. The boy who brings him hot chocolate on days his migraines are especially awful, and who always begs the Matron to stay over on the nights Remus is just forced to stay in the hospital wing when he has a flare up, and who always knows to ask the caretaker for a spare blanket at the start of every term because he knows Remus is always cold but would never dare ask himself. And God, just why does it have to be Sirius!

Strangely enough, it’s Sirius who answers the question in a non direct sort of way at the end of their fourth year when Remus asks him why he broke up with Isidora so publicly and a bit callously while they’re sitting on the balcony of the astronomy tower, trading their flask of gin that Sirius snuck away from his parent’s house over easter, staring down at the grounds and the lake and it’s a beautiful night, and Remus only sorta feels it how his heart twists while Sirius sits so close. And once the question spills out his lips, Sirius peers down at him in a very subdued, very weighty sort of way and he simply says, “she’s not you Moons.”

And it’s like Remus’s heart just freezes, refuses to continue beating with the shock, with the somber words spoken without an ounce of humor. And part of him is just waiting for the joke, for the other shoe to drop. He’s just  waiting for the overdone hand to his chest, and lips pretending to pucker for a smooch. He’s waiting for the ground to return but Sirius doesn’t move, and maybe this means that this is real, that it isn’t just in Remus’s head. so all he says is a simple, “oh” and the next thing he knows is that Sirius kisses him right then and there, and it’s beginning to shower from above,  and the kiss is a bit hard for his liking— more teeth than lips and a tongue that slips in with fervor— but Remus wouldn’t stop it for all the money in the world. Wouldn’t ever let go of his grip on Sirius’s broad shoulders, or move away from where Sirius’s arms are snaking around his narrow waste. Would pay anything just to constantly feel the weight of Sirius over him like this for forever.

He doesn’t know for how long they lied their in the pouring rain, just exchanging slow, lingering snogs, and tender touches that feel like a thousand flames. But Remus probably should’ve expected that the next morning, while they’re all preparing to board the train, Sirius doesn’t catch his eye or ever really speak to him. And that’s fine. Remus has been questioning his sexuality for a while now. Maybe Sirius is just confused or just nervous because they’ve been friends for so long. So he doesn’t mind. Ends up splitting his time on the train with the boys and with Lily and it’s all alright. When he gets home, he types Sirius a letter explaining to him that it’s fine, that they can take things slow, that they don’t have to call it anything yet, and he toys with that patch on his neck that’s still purple from Sirius’s mouth and he’s actually elated with the idea of it.

Sirius doesn’t answer the email

And he doesn’t answer the one after that either, or the ones that follow. And Remus eventually takes the hint when he gets a email from Peter who’s holidaying in France and asks Remus how hard he laughed from Sirius’s story about how he nearly pulled the mum of the latest London bird he’s shagging that he wrote them about. And Remus is equal parts embarrassed and self rebuking. Because he’s such an idiot, Sirius was probably annoyed from his constant emails like he’s some jilted ex lover, like the girls he pulls along. And Remus is really a fucking idiot. So he rings Lily and they meet at a pub that’s equidistant from both of them, and he didn’t have to tell her what happened because she’s really just a genius, so they drink the night away and he swears off love and she swears to kick James in the Bollocks at least once this year, and it’s the first time all summer Remus laughed.

By the time they got to fifth year, Remus had ranted enough to Lily that he was over it— well erm, mostly at least. It still hurt like nothing else when he first spotted Sirius on the train, looking taller and leaner and tanner and just sexier as all get out. ANd it makes something ugly twist in his gut, laughing at himself over thinking  that a practical demigod would be interested in someone who prefers books to most people and who has to wear charity shop clothes when he’s not in his school uniform and just— He’s an idiot. So when Sirius steps into the cart with Remus, James and Peter, and his look of contrition tosses to Remus  a beat passes. And  it’s quickly willed away when Remus just smiles warmly, tries to silently tell him not to worry about it, and asks out loud if he’d like a chocolate frog.

And it’s normal, it’s fine, the first weeks of term are typical as ever for the boys. They commit pranks on the creepy wankers like Snape and Avery. And they laugh at James’s latest failed attempt to woo Lily. And they spend all nighters in the library and celebrate with pickup games of footie. And it’s pretty bloody brilliant, but then Sirius’s birthday hits, and they plan a surprise for him on the astronomy tower in the middle of the night, filled with food and drinks  and friends. ANd Remus gets the key as prefect, and Peter sneaks in the booze with his free afternoon off and James make sure that everyone they like is there to celebrate the greatest git they all know. And Sirius is so, so happy when he sees it. Wich of course he is, Remus knows how difficult his parents are, how lonely he can get over the breaks without the lads. So he’s so, so happy to see that look of mirth twinkling in Sirius’s pale eyes, and he does everything he can to make it so Sirius is laughing all night long.

But towards the end, no matter how much he wants to make it the best night for Sirius, he just has to get away from the sight of Sirius dancing obscenely with Florence Whittemore. Because he doesn’t have to be a damn martyr. 

He goes to a private nook on the rooftop, and pulls out the pre-rolled spliff to light up, only sorta surprised when Sirius makes his way to him— far away from the crowd and away from the music. And he plops down on the step right  under his, obviously loaded and smiling like the sun, crooning “Moony,” over and over again and Remus can only dimple down  indulgently at him, carding his hand through Sirius’s hair gently, spurred on by the drinks and the weed and just by that quiet, unassuming love he has held for him like a torch all these years.

“Did you wear my favorite sweater on purpose?” Sirius asks, a bit slurred, tilting his head so it rests on Remus’s shoulder and he can feel the tendrils of his warm breath brushing against his neck, and Remus suddenly feels like he’s on fire again. 

And he looks down at the green sweater he’s got on, a gift from his Mam for his fifteenth last year and the one that he was wearing the first night Sirius kissed him. So, yeah maybe Remus wore it subconsciously precisely because of that. But he’d never tell him.

And neither of them could say who leaned forward first, but they were kissing again and it still feels like everything splendid and like Remus’s mind is melting right out of his head and it’s so fucking miraculous.

But then they hear a coughing and they spring apart in panic, only to meet Lily’s shrewd, green eyes and she’s glaring at Sirius like she could scorch a whole right through him. And she tells them that there’s a Filch sighting and they need to get to the dorms pronto. 

Sirius scrambles up, looking at them panicky like he doesn’t know what to say, but then Remus tells him to hurry along because he and Lily—as Prefects— are the only ones who won’t get in trouble for being out. And Sirius looks at Remus like there’s a thousand things he’d like to say, but nods soberly and sprints away, and Remus is objected to Lily’s silent, judgmental worrying for their entire track back downstairs.

Remus isn’t surprised when Sirius tells them all that he’s dating Florence now over breakfast, and Peter gazes at him in aw at pulling the fittest girl in their year, and James claps his back hardily and talks about the double dates they can go on now since he’s still dating Jeanette. As if James isn’t glancing back at Lily even as he’s speaking it, and as if Sirius isn’t peering over apologetically to Remus as if there was ever anything between them.

However, what does surprise Remus is when late that night, Sirius pads over to his bed in the middle of the night like they haven’t done since they were both 14, and they’re lying down, not looking at each other before Sirius kisses him again and Remus lets himself enjoy it, let himself melt into him. But then he remembers the pretty blonde girl who he’s actually dating and it hurts like nothing else when he tells him the next night when Sirius makes the same track to his bed that they can’t do anything because they’re going to ruin their friendship and he has a girlfriend and Remus just can’t. So Sirius nods, tells him he’s always been the best of them, and kisses his forehead before returning to his own bed. And Remus silently refutes the comment because he hates not letting himself even get the scraps.

So Sirius dates Florence for the next month or so, and Remus puts up with it because of course he does. Because if it’s Sirius’s friendship or nothing at all, he’d always pick the former. Would always want Sirius to be with him in anyway possible. But then over winter break he officially runaways from his barmy ancestral home and goes off to James’s house in the countryside. And he texts Remus, begging him to come visit for New Year’s Eve. So Remus does, even gets Lily to tag along.

And once they get there, Sirius just smacks a big one on him in front of literally a whole house of people— including James and James’s Parents and all the Potters’ friends— and he tells him that he loves him and that he doesn’t want to pretend they’re only friends anymore, and Remus is blushing and grinning, and he thinks that Sirius is the maddest bloke he knows and he loves him to.

And it’s good between them, it’s remarkable. Sirius is passionate about every aspect in his life so it’s no surprise how remarkable of a boyfriend he is, how his every splendid gesture is large and vivacious and vibrant in ways Remus can’t even describe.

But the thing is that Remus is just simply not like that, has never been loud or commanding a presence. When he’s the leader of something like a prank execution or a school project, he prefers to get input from the others, make them think they did an equal amount of work even if Remus was the one behind it all. He’s always been reserved, quiet. And it’s not that he’s shy, it’s just he doesn’t ever see a reason to make a big show out of everything. And Sirius has known him for over half a decade now, so Remus assumes that he gets it.

But then it’s apparent that sometimes he doesn’t think that Remus loves him as much— which is so bloody bonkers Remus can’t even fathom it. or he thinks that Remus is just going with the motions, dating Sirius just because Sirius asked him too. And that gets Remus mad, absolutely fucking furious. The idea that Sirius can doubt his emotions like that.

“Get your cocky head out your arse and think about how not everyone has to be as ruddy loud as you are.” Remus had yelled one night in the common room in early February when Sirius tried giving him a ridiculous teddy bear holding a heart as if he’s an actual sodding bird and he refused it and Sirius got tetchy. But then Sirius had laughed like the mad man he is and then snogged him within an inch of his life and Remus thinks he got his point across.

Their one, really huge blow out, is on Remus’s birthday when he gets to his birthday dinner with his parents who came up to celebrate. And Sirius was visibly, painfully drunk and he spluttered the whole three hours and Remus was secretly thankful that his parents only thought he was a friend and not his sodding boyfriend and by the time they got to the dorm Remus had shouted, really fucking shouted at him. Had screamed things that he would regret just as soon as they came out. But it was ridiculous and Sirius could be such an arse sometimes. And Sirius had yelled back about how fucking stuffy Remus is about everything and claiming that they didn’t even notice and who the fuck cares. And Remus was shaking so hard, grabbed his pillow and blankets to sleep in the common room instead.

But of course, he knew that Sirius would follow him, that Sirius always prodded whenever Remus wanted to just runaway, that he could never leave well enough alone. And they argue again but it quickly became them rutting up against each other in the middle of the night, atop the sofa where anyone could walk down an catch them an Remus didn’t care, just needed to feel Sirius, feel him all over.

Remus only found out the next day by a red faced and quiet Sirius that he was nervous, that he didn’t mean to get so sloshed but he’s already failed with his parents and he didn’t want Remus’s to know how much of a fucking screw up he is and Remus just kissed him gently and called him an idiot and they never spoke about it again.

A few weeks later, Sirius goes off to holiday with the Potters on the Moroccan coast and Remus was only sorta jealous, but he understood that Sirius has always starved for a family, a real family, and that this is good for him. And the Potters are lovely people, and nearly as wealthy as the Blacks— well erm, as close as can be possible for ordinary folks. And James is Sirius’s brother in all but blood. Of course Sirius wouldn’t want to spend the week in Remus’s sleepy hometown with his bookish father and somewhat smothering Mam. But then he gets a call at two in the morning— so three in the morning by them— and It’s a pissed Sirius screaming into the phone over the music of some club and Remus hears a girl’s voice crowing his name and he hangs up in the middle fo Sirius trying to tell him some story about a boat or llama or what the fuck ever. And then Sirius storms to their shared dormitory when they all got back, yelling at Remus for not answering his calls for the rest of the week, and then Remus screamed back that he didn’t want to keep him from his haram of girls. And Sirius snarled out that he didn’t kiss or even bloody flirt with any of them and that Remus needs to start trusting him or pull that stick out his ass. And Remus was just so taken aback he had no idea what to say, so he just shook his head, discarded words and pounced on him for them to snog instead— James and Peter rolling their eyes as they slowly exited the room.

And there entire relationship is a bit like that, firecrackers that simmer to something tender because their foundation has always been the purest, most important friendship and even though the sex is fucking miraculous and mind-blowing and maddeningly delicious, they’ll always be friends. 

So that’s why Remus gets so angry that Sirius is acting so blasé when Snape finds out about them and threatens to tell the whole school. “It’s not a big deal Moons, practically everyone who isn’t an idiot already knows.”

And Remus swears he saw red, felt his blood pressure pulse. “Well my parents don’t know, and I’d rather be the one to tell them instead of them hearing it from the gossip mill from one of the other students parents!”

And Sirius’s expression got very stoney right then, his shoulders drawn back and brows furrowed. “So what? You’re ashamed that you’re dating a bloke? Or a bloke who’s own parents didn’t want him?”

And Remus is so fucking gobsmacked, so disbelieving that this is still such a point of sensitivity for him. That he still isn’t quite comprehensive just how much and how thoroughly and how desperately Remus loves him, and all that comes out is “You’re a bloody pillock.” And Sirius doesn’t give him enough time to explain himself and before he knows it they’re on the train home and Sirius isn’t even talking to him and he’s home in Wales once more.

He tries messaging Sirius all summer long, tries explaining himself. He even tells his parents that he’s as gay as the day is long, and they were so supportive that it gave him hope. But then Remus goes to Lily’s house one night for a movie, and her phone pins with a snap notification from James, and she tells him to open it for her while she tries pulling out the biscuits from the oven, and Remus Sees a dorky looking James, a London night club’s logo on the bottom of the filter and it’s all innocent until he really looks and he sees Sirius— clear as day, and he’s kissing another bloke. A blonde, good looking bloke that Remus could never be and one that Sirius deserves. And he feels so empty, so exhausted, so tired of it all as he numbly hands it over to a anxious looking Lily.

And Remus decides right then that he and Sirius really need to end this. 

They need to cut all the strings of this ill-fated romance, because they’re both too volatile and too sporadic. They can’t risk their friendship over this. Remus can’t lose Sirius just because Remus never deserved him as a boyfriend.

So when they get back to classes for their sixth year, Remus pretends nothing had ever happened between them.

He acts cordial, and companionable and like the friend he was to Sirius before he let his bloody emotions get in the way. And Sirius is suspicious but cautious and sometimes he looks like he does when he wanted to kiss him, so Remus would have to race off and he’d stay out late as possible in the library so to get back to their room after they’ve all fallen asleep. And he’s thankful he does the one time he finds that Sirius had ended up falling asleep in Remus’s bed while waiting up for him.

On one of those nights out to the library he begins speaking with Ezra.

Ezra is a prefect also, and he’s a year above them in classes so he gladly helps Remus with the questions he has for the course work. He’s extremely handsome, and Remus doesn’t feel so guilty when he recognizes the fact. He’s got brown hair numerous shades darker from Remus’s tawny color, and he’s got very lovely green eyes and he smiles at Remus shyly. So it’s not a surprise when he kisses him softly for the first time in early October, and it’s nice. It’s not fire licking up his insides like Sirius’s kisses are, but it’s sweet. And he’s sweet. 

They go out on casual dates to the city on allotted weekends and they drink coco by the fire. He tells Remus about growing up right outside Edinburgh and Remus tells him about the sea glass his Mam taught him to find by the ocean, and his collection of shells and his favorite peer to watch the sunset and Ezra listens like he is so very interested. And They’re a quiet pair, even the first time he gives Remus a blow job behind the greenhouses. And it’s good, because it’s fucking sex of course its good. But he doesn’t know how to use his tongue like Sirius learned how, or how to squeeze just a bit too tightly around his shaft when he’s lapping the head. But it’s not Ezra’s fault. Sirius and Remus had plenty of practice, the one thing they did more than laugh or argue was fuck. And that’s because it was always fun, always good. They stumbled through it together and learned what they liked and what they didn’t and how amazing it felt whenever they were intwined like that— When Sirius was on top of him, underneath him, deep inside of him and all around him.

But that’s not a fair comparison. Sirius has always excelled in everything, has always been a supernova. And Remus needs to learn how to be his friend again, and stop remembering all those times between the sheets or hidden behind the greenhouses or sometimes even in closets between classes.

And they’re getting there. Sirius has stopped trying to wait up for him, and he laughs at his jokes easily again. He doesn’t touch Remus, not really, not ever. And he looks like a flicker has been blown out behind his disarmingly handsome face, but they’re getting closer.

And Ezra is great, Ezra is so amazing. He’s sweet and he texts Remus a good night and good morning message every day. He walks him to class and they kiss softly goodbye. He buys Remus cherry filled brownies even tho that’s possibly the one type of chocolate he doesn’t like. But he eats them anyways because he knows they’re expensive. And he steadfastly ignores the box of his favorite caramel ones that are left on his bed the morning after Ezra got them for him.

And when Ezra comes over their house for Christmas he’s perfect in front of his parents. He complements the dinner Lyall made and how lovely Hope’s necklace is. And he gets along seamlessly with Lily when they met up nearly every night to go out to the tree in the center of her hometown or ice skating or to take pictures by the lights.

But when he leaves, Remus just feels empty. He stays up all night thinking about it, about why he can’t love Ezra the way he loved— the way he’s always loved and continues to love Sirius. How he will forever love Sirius. And he ends up cursing Sirius’s name a thousand times over throughout  the span of one night.

And it’s back to the start of the story with Remus and Lily lounging in his living room and looking at the photo and Remus feels his eyes watering and Lily kissing his cheek while silently handing him his phone.

They exchange a smile.

And Remus decides he’ll talk to Ezra in person, explain how he’s a great guy and how lucky Remus was to be with him. But now— well now he needs to slide open his phone because he can hardly breathe anymore.

And when he hears Sirius’s familiar, golden baritone answering tentatively, “Hiya Moons.”

And Remus swallows down the emotion in his throat, and he just loves him so much.

“Can you drive up here? Preferably not with the bike.”

“James’s Dad left us his car.” Sirius retorts, and Remus can hear the smile in his voice. “But, are you sure?”

And Remus wants to scream it to the clouds and the ocean and the mountain tops that of course he is, that this— the emotions he has for Sirius, the way he loves him— is the one sure thing in his life.

“I love you Pads.”

A silence beats between them before he hears Sirius answer back, buoyant and vivid and so much him that it aches.

“I love you to Moony. I love you so much.”