You don’t quite know how to explain it to him, the feeling of feeling everything but also nothing at once. It’s like feeling idle in your life. You try to make yourself feel better by doing things that bring you joy. But they don’t give you that same hit of dopamine you usually feel. The feelgoodness of everything is blocked by some unknown force and it’s frustrating. You want to cry but you can’t. It doesn’t make sense. So you just keep your head on Levi’s lap, both of you watching television while he’s stroking your hair. You’re trying to feel something, anything but this odd feeling. Levi can feel you tensing up and he slowly moves his hand from your head down to your back, rubbing circles on it. He makes sure to put pressure into the rubs, knowing that helps a bit. You don’t have to say anything to him. He just knows. “I love you.” He declares softly as he continues to rub your back. His words help you release some tension. You let out a small sigh as a response, acknowledging what he said. He knows you love him too but right now it’s difficult to speak. You close your eyes, wanting to hear, see or feel nothing but Levi. You can hear him start to hum to himself as he comforts you, his tone low but gentle. You focus on the vibrations his voice emits throughout his body, but most prominent in his chest. You try your best to keep focusing on the comfort Levi is providing you. The discomfort doesn’t go away. You don’t expect it to, but you know you have Levi here to keep you grounded.
Sorey i hhavent been super active recently, alot og my motivation for art or writing has gone dry and ive been dealing with a rough patch for a bit and, woah, it just got worse
Hope yall can understand, ill still be trying to post even if its small
I just wanted to feel pretty, I wanted so bad to be pretty, be gorgeous, beautiful like those hollywood actresses and all the girls at the big city where I live, I just wanted to be perfect
I feel scared and generally isolated tonight like the world is too big for me and I am never moving fast enough or healing deep enough. I feel like I've fallen into a well and water keeps splashing down onto me from where the light is also coming from.