#not gonna bother tagging all bc theres too many lol

[wildflower-otome]

[sirsapling]

MORE TAGGED POSTS

I got tagged in a bunch more things I didn't respond to fast enough, so UNDER THE CUT THEY GO. 

I have too many things to respond to, so I won't be tagging, but consider yourself tagged if you want to do any.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

Tagged by the wonderful @bardingbeedle​

Pass the happy!🌻🌿 When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications!

Lying in warm blankets in an cold room. Bonus points for snow outside.

A fresh Buzz cut

Talking to @bardingbeedle​

Having long, passionate rambles about the Marvel Ultimates

Hashbrowns, bacon, maple syrup, maybe a pancake, and a sausage too.

Tagged by the chaotic @s-hylor​

top 3 cities you want to visit: Toronto, again. Colorado (I know its a state not a city I just want to visit ashes AND GET SNOW). And I would like to go back to Italy again. (I also want to visit, just, all of my fandom friends but I don't want to drop all their locations lol)

favorite marvel character: Ults!Steve Rogers and then Ults!Tony Stark. Not counting stony, Anthony the brain tumor, and not counting clones, Gregory Stark.

white chocolate - yay or nay?: Love it, love it, love it.

favourite board game: God Save The Queens- A board game about Bees I invented with 3 other people at University last year for a project.

how many countries have you been to: 10, I have been very luckily graced with the ability to travel to Europe with school a lot.

(Wales, France, Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, America [Florida, Boston, New York], Spain, Portugal, Italy, and finally Canada.)

favorite thing to do on a rainy day: Anything indoors I might usually feel guilty about doing when its sunny. Tv or games particularly

favorite holiday: Christmas. I am a Christmas slut, call me festive sapling I LOVE Christmas.

pen or pencil: Pen. I once bought 7 in lisbon at the same time bc they were perfect and I didn't want to run out.

favourite kind of soup: Cupasoup Chicken noodle, I don't really like soups tbh, I like broths, and gravy type things I make too much of and eat like a soup (like golden Currys or korma sauces)

your typical order at a cafe or coffee shop: Caramel Frappucino or an iced Mocha. If I'm gonna pay a fuck tonne for coffee I'm gonna get a drinkable dessert.

favorite ride at an amusement park: Any slow rides that show you shit, like spaceship earth at EPCOT. I’m not really a speed dude.

the color of your sneakers: RED, red shoes are the shit folks, a good pair of red converse goes with everything.

favorite pbs show (or little kids show if you didn’t have pbs):  Uh I used to watch pokemon then winnie the pooh every single night. But little little kids show I used to watch a show called 64 zoo lane with my grandma so I have fond memories

Rules: name your favorite female characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by the wonderful @ashes0909​

Natasha Romanov - Marvel Cinematic Universe

Carol Danvers - Marvel 616

Janet Van Dyne - Marvel Ultimates

Izumi Curtis - Full Metal Alchemist

Martha Jones - Doctor Who

Garnet - Steven Universe (if she doesn't count bc, space rock, Connie)

Rosa Diaz - Brooklyn 99

Ann Perkins  - Parks and Rec

Princess Caroline - Bojack Horseman

Pam Poovey - Archer

LOOK I know there was a lot of cheating here, but I don't have non marvel fandoms really, and I have a hard time remembering a lot of the TV I enjoyed.

Rules: Share your top 10 AO3 additional tags. Tagged by the mysterious @nigmuff​

look I don't know if I have enough tags to make this a justified representation, but the ones shown are v much on brand.

Fanfic trope meme

I was tagged by the delightful @capnstars​ and @crownofstardustandbone​

slowburn or love at first sight // fake dating or !!!secret dating!!! // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt/comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut AND fluff // canon-compliant or fix-it  // reincarnation or character death // one-shot or multi-chapter // kid fic or road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or !!!!middle-aged romance!!! // time travel or isolated together // neighbours or roommates  // sci-fi or magic au // body swap or genderbend  // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane

Look guys, I’m boring. I like domestic 30-40 year olds in secret relationships. We knew this.

And now buckle the fuck down folks because I'm about to answer 50 questions about me no one is gonna stick around and read.

tagged by @bardingbeedle​ the only person who would put up with reading this much about me.

What is the colour of your hairbrush?

I have a buzz cut, I don't have a hair brush anymore.

Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too warm. I have been warmer than most people my whole life, and I often need to sleep with a fan on.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Working on a sketch for an MTH fill (update from the end of this: I have spent an hour doing this fuckin thing)

What is your favourite candy bar?

Bounty. My favourite candy is Reese’s Pieces but I like a bounty. Or like, and chocolate without fruit in it tbh.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Yes, one of my parents referees Championship Football here in the UK. I have been to a few of his games. I also went to the London 2012 Paralympic closing ceremony, if that counts.

What is the last thing you said out loud?

‘Oh, this will last me a few days’ I was talking to my mother about 1/2 a can of pringles, I was lying.

What is your favourite ice cream?

Vanilla. I am boring. But the best ice cream i’ve had was a cream/milk flavoured gelato in Florence, that shit slapped. I also like cheap strawberry ice cream when no one is trying to put strawberry bits in it.

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Dinner. A spinach, banana, summer fruits and coconut yoghurt smoothie (with extra raspberries). Its my nightly dinner to cheat more veg into my body.

Do you like your wallet?

Very much. It’s about 7-8 years old, it is faded to hell but it has spiderman and a pony ride stony pin

What was the last thing you ate?

See above smoothie comment, but if that doesn't count, a sugar free mint polo.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Nope. I don't buy as many clothes as I want to, bc mens clothes in larger sizes are hard to find or expensive here.

The last sporting event you watched?

F1, I don't keep up but I watch a little with my dad every now and then.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn?

BUTTER. They don't really have it here, and I don't go to movies much when in the states. But @festiveferret​ introduced me to it when we saw Ant-man and the Wasp, and much like poutine and Tim Hortons, I still crave it.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

My dad. 

Ever go camping?

Yes, I was a Scout. I have done enough camping to not want to do more, it was fun when I wasn't organising it.

Do you take vitamins?

Yes, but not as often as I should, and as much as my mother bothers me too.

Do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope, not even when I considered myself christian. I go only go to church for other peoples events, and I’m an agnostic now.

Do you have a tan?

I cannot tan. I just can't, I burn lobster red in 5 minutes outside without literal sun cream for BABIES

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Chinese food, It was easily what taught me to like more foods also, I don't eat tomato so I can't have most pizza. I love a good garlic base/bechamel, but you can't really get that here easily (yes yes I could make my own but that ruins half the point of pizza)

Do you drink your soda with a straw?

I don't drink carbonated drinks, because its like drinking pain. The fuck is wrong with all of you.

What colour socks do you usually wear?

Various colours, but I consider red on the left, blue on the right, my lucky socks. No I don't know why, but I take all exams and interviews wearing them. It’s just a thing.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don't drive, but if I did, No. Theres a lot of questionable laws out there but Traffic laws aren't one of them.

What terrifies you?

Pfft, most things from spiders to rollercoasters. But more seriously, Being shouted at. Shout at me and I start hyperventilating, its a thing. Also not knowing if someone is mad at me. I’m not good at reading people,

Look to your left, what do you see?

The wallet shown earlier, and the sugar free polos mentioned after that.

What chore do you hate?

Vacuuming. It makes everything in my body hurt. I would rather clean toilets.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

@s-hylor​

What’s your favourite soda?

See above. I do not like your pain liquid. Apple juice for life.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?

Either delivery or kiosk, I don't like talking to people where possible, I often need tweaks I don't want to have to remember to repeat.

Who’s the last person you talked to?

@downeyhills​

Favourite cut of beef?

I don't generally eat beef, lamb, or most red meats. I love crispy chilly beef, but as anyone can point out its bc your generally don't feel the texture of the beef.

Last song you listened to?

Everybody Wants to Rule the World | Tears for Fears | Pomplamoose

I’m on a Pomplamoose kick, and I also just love this song anyway.

Last book you read?

Understanding Comics (The invisible Art) - Scott McCloud

Favourite day of the week?

Friday nights. The weekend is ahead and @loraneldin​ and I take to wrangling our beloved usual suspects through another week of Ults Book Club.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I can barely say it forwards.

How do you like your coffee?

With milk and sugar, or ultimately, in a Caramel Frappuccino bc I'm a bitch like that.

Favourite pair of shoes?

I have walking boots that don't make my flat ass feet feel like they’re dying. OR my black and green crocs (Fight me, they’re useful).

The time you normally go to sleep?

9-10 is what I'm working on, but I fluctuate depending on if I'm working on something or not.

The time you normally get up?

5-6 If I have a choice in the matter, but often 7-8 if I didn't get to bed at the right time. I’m more about getting the right hours in for my diet than time specifically.

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

Sunset is the prettiest, but I like to be awake to see the sun rise.

How many blankets on your bed?

One big thick comforter, because that's the uk standard, and I get too hot otherwise.

Describe your kitchen plates

Two types, big wide white ones with a navy blue rim. They are so large I never use them, and little Navy saucer plates I use a lot.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

I don't drink, so no. I drink apple juice or Shirley temples when I'm in pubs/bars

Do you play cards?

Sometimes, I like to teach people to play Old Maid. It’s the monopoly of card games.

What colour is your car?

Again, I do not drive. 

Can you change a tire?

I am aware I just said I don't have a car, but I do know how to change a tire. Everyone should go learn its pretty simple.

Favourite job you’ve ever had?

I have only had one job really and two job experience jobs. I did experience in a school library for a week and that was v fun and chill. I did all the jobs they had prepared for me in 2 days so I alphabetically reorganised their fiction section for the rest of the week. I LIKE ORDERING.

How did you get your biggest scar?

I no longer have a gallbladder, so I have 3 scars across my torso from that, the biggest right in the middle of my ribs. Non surgical wise I have matching scars on my knees from ripping holes in them when tripping. I have weak ankles and also I got both of those at different times.

What did you do today that made someone else happy?

I gave my spare animal crossing Iguanodon skull to a wicked artist I follow on twitter so he could complete his dino park. 

[theatreakasuna-store]

⊰  “ I literally read all your discourse stuff in the tags and OMG... I couldn't agree with you more. The making Sasori into an emotionless person is one that particularly gets on my nerves. And when they make him seem worse than he really is. I don't know if there is a term for that. Like doing the opposite of woob. But it's just really nice to see someone else on the same wavelength.”  ⊱

I’m  gonna  put  this  under  a  read  more  bc  boy  I  never  shut  up ! 

Thanks  anon  I’m  glad  you  agree  its  always  nice  to  open  the  IB  to  an  anon  whos  not  tying  to  have  beef  KGKDKGJdG.  I  mean  yeah  Sasori’s  totally  a  stoic  but  the  thing  is  thats  all  he  is.  Its  a  facade.  A  very  good  one  which  was  ingrained  into  him  by  the  teachings  of  his  village  &  his  own  pain  but  its  just  an  ‘act’  so  to  speak. 

 Sasori  is  VERY  capable  of  emotion  &  very  much  experiences  emotion. He  may  not  express  it  openly  or  even  deny  it  but  its  absolutely  a  thing.   He  is  not  emotionless.  He  is  not  unable  to  truly  feel. ( Hes  not  even  unable  to  form  connections  with  others.  Sasori’s  loneliness  up  to  a  point  was  NOT  his  own  doing.  Its  made  clear  Sasori  wasn’t  a  ‘loner’  because  of  being  an  edgy  little  prick  or  anything  like  that.  He  was  a  loner  because  of  his  Prodigy  status  &  his  reputation.  He  was  not  even  ten  years  old  &  he  was  already  renowned &  infamous  throughout  the  war,  they  were  calling  him  Sasori  of  the  red  sand.  Suna’s  enemies  out  of  fear  &  suna  itself  out  of  lionising  his  proficiency  as  their  solider &  weapon.  It  was  claimed  he  soaked  the  desert  sands  red  in  blood  hence  the  moniker.  Its  not  that  he  wanted  that.  He  just  did  what  he  was  trained  to  do.  Its  not  that  he  wanted  to  be  alone.  His  loneliness  &  desire  for  human  affection  is....  a  big  part  of  him.  )   Its  really  sad  actually  because  Sasori  himself  doesn’t  seem  to  fully  understand  his  own  trauma (  I  dont  expect  him  to  of  course,  like. . .  theres  a  lot  )  &  not  only  that  but  it  was... Idealised  to  him.  

He  ‘feels  numb”.  Its  a  heavy  result  of  his  obvious  depression  which  started  when  he  was  only  5  &  lost  his  parents.  But  he  explains  it  as  being  like  a  puppet  &  embraces  it  as  such  because  not  only  is  Sasoris  literal  coping  method  puppets &  this  is  his  way  of  comforting  himself   but  this  “numbness”  was  taught  to  him  as  ideal  by  his  village.  So  instead  of  understanding  an  issue  he  can  work  on  &  improve  just  thinks  its  how  shinobi  are  suppose  to  be. 

THOUGH  AT  THE  SAME  TIME....  Sasori’s  incredibly  intelligent  ( Scarily  so,  hes  literally  a  high-level  genius )   &  I’m  pretty  sure  one  of  the  many   key  elements  of  his  story  was  his  own  realisation  that  his  villages  teachings  were  flawed  &  they  were  using  him  &  other  shihobi  as  mere  instruments  of  this  flawed  idea  which  was  wildly  inhumane &  unfair,  particularly  when  they  came  to  try  &  blame  him  for  the  death  of  his  only  friend  (  noted   as  the  only  person  who  treated  him  as  a  person )  when  he  was  actually  trying  to  help  said  friend.  Sasori  fashioned  himself  entirely  as  a  big  old  fuck  you  to  his  village  surrounded  by &  using   the  only  happy  place  he  knew.  The  only  things  he  found  reliable  &  safe.  Relating  humans &  puppets  became  so  easy  for  him,  idealising  puppets  in  place  of  people  was  second  nature  especially  due  to  his  village  treating  people  as  puppets.

That  said  Sasori  knows  what  hes  doing.  While  theres  a  break  in  reality  there  for  sure  Sasori  knows  the  whole  human  puppet  thing  is  morbid  per se.  He  knows  its  going  against  ‘morality’ &  ‘humanity’ &  all  that  kinda  thing  but  thats  one  of  the  appeals  of  it.  Hes  making  a  statement  in  that  way.  shinobi  dont  like  to  admit  it  but  Sasori  emphasises  that  theyre  all  just  puppets.  Toy  soldiers.  However  by  making  them  human  puppets  Sasori  in  a  way  thinks  hes  improved  them  as  well,  helped  them,  preserved  them,  because  now  they’re  eternal.  Like  this  is  definitely  not  a  one  dimensional  thing.  Its  extremely  compound.  

SO  YEAH!!  Big  time  agree  with  you  I  know  people  seem  to  take  pointing  out  the  tragic  nature  of  any  villain  is  woobifying  but...  Its  not.  Its  not  when  A)  its  canon  facts,  its  what  the  character  is  SUPPOSE  to  be  &  B)  pointing  out  these  facts  are  not  being  used  as  absolute  excuses  for  the  ‘bad  things’  the  character  has  done  /  is  doing  or  being  used  to  demonise  any  other  character  to  make  that  character  look  better. ( Huge  example  being  the  Loki  vs  Thor  situation  in  the  marvel  fandom  back  in  the  day )

The  reverse-woobifying  thing  is  definitely  something  I’ve  encountered  multiple  times  &  it  annoys  me  too,  just  as  much  as  woobifing  itself  does. It  seems  in  general  tumblr  has  an  issue  with  moderation  because  I  guess  people  hate  dimension &  also  like.  Your  villain  doesn’t  need  the  Most  Tragic  of  backstories  to  be  a  good  one.  I  personally  believe  ALL  villains  have  a  reason  to  be  what  they  are  but  they  don’t  have  to  be  particularly  traumatic  like  some  people  seem  to  think.  Nuance  is  nice.  Its  good  to  have  some  villains  that  are  relatable  but  not  because  their  stories  are  overwhelmingly  sad.  Because  the  thing  is...  Pain &  suffering  doesnt  come  in  one  shade &  what  someone  else  might  overcome  another  person  might  not  &  so  on . ..   Plus  its  also  good  to  have  villains  who  just  arent  really  sympathetic  at  all.   But  like  like...  as  a  whole  tumblrs  not  as  big  into  diversity  as  it  always  claims  in  ANY  way.   I  DIGRESS  tho.   In  particular  I’ve  found  characters  who  are  either  explicitly  LGBT  confirmed  or  HUGELY  LGBT  coded  are  a  huuuge  target  for  the  reverse-woobie  & thats  a....  massive  problem  which  was  largely  why  I  was  being  feral  in  my  tags  gjkdkgkkdg.

The  fact  that  still  the  only  characters  who  are  LGBT  &  particularly  dimensional  that  we  get  are  typically  villains  is  a  problem  to  start  with  but  thats  another  topic.  Its  fine  to  love  &  support  lgbt  villains  but... Definitely  something  wrong  with  the  reverse-woobie  being  so  predominate  when  it  comes  to  them.   The  reverse-woobie  in  this  instance  is  so  replusive  for  me  bc  it  enforces  the  idea  that  LGBT  people  are  not  sympathetic  or  relatable  &  when  they  ARE  then  its  ok  to  pretend  theyre  not  LGBT  &  effectively  erase  that  part  of  them.  Like  I  have  had  people  in  another  fandom  explain  to  me  that  their  reason  for  erasing  a characters  sexuality  as  gay  was  because  they  found  him  to  be  relatable  &  sympathetic  to  them  &  they  were  not  gay  so  they  preferred  to  see  him  as  bi  or  het  more  like  themselves  all  the  while  trying  to  claim  hetero  or  biphobia  if  you  attempted  to  explain  how  wrong  &  inherently  homophobic  that  is.   ( lol @ “”Heterophobia”” in general tho )  This  character  was  also  a  HUGE  target  for  reverse  woobifying  from  the  fandom  despite  the  fact  he  was  the  FURTHEST  thing  from  a  candidate  for  that  imaginable.  He  was  in  fact  canonly  more  an  anti-hero  than  an  outright  villain.  The  fandom  also  liked  to  ‘harass’  people  who  they  deemed  were  ‘woobifying’  him  which  essentially  related  to  like... Liking  the  character  &  defending  him  from  droves  of  homophobes  in  any  way.  Which  was  major  awkward  because  theyd  throw  explicit  tantrums  about  people  calling  him  a  “gay  icon”  in  any  way  but  weirdly  enough  this  “anti-woobie”  thing  with  him  ONLY  came  into  existence  when  he  was  confirmed  gay.  Prior  all  the  straight  fangirls  making  him  their  extra  deluxe  perfect  lover  boy  husbando  for  their  reader  x  him  fanfics  were  never  bothered  about  ‘woobifying’  in  any  way.

Dont  get  me  wrong  I  think  some  people  have  genuine  good  intentions  in  mind  for  the  reverse -woobie  in  fandom  in  regard  to  this,  an  idea  of  pointing  out  that  lgbt  ppl  are  capable  of  being  horrendously  evil  too  ect,  which  is  fine  &  all  but  it’ll  always  leave  a  bad  taste  in  my  mouth  if  the  villain  in  question  is  literally  a  canonically  tragic  one.   Especially  when  the  justification is  playing  on  tropes  particularly  used  to  demonise  lgbt  people.  Like  I  mentioned  as  an  example  for  Sasori  treating  him  as  an  entirely  emotionless  monster  while  simultaneously  empathises  hes  a-spec  or  whatever  given  emotionless /  unfeeling   /  inhuman   ect  are  huge  tropes  used  against  a-spec  people  to  dehumanise  &  demonise  us. 

Its  every  bit  as  awkward, & in  fact  I  would  argue  far  more  awkward  than  people  trying  to  woobify  villains  who  lack  “proper”  motive.  I  wish  people  would  be  more  careful  about  what  characters  they’re  reverse-woobing   n  why. 

[teachers-are-nerds]

why does my brain keep saying very loudly and rapidly “i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to fucking die” even though i absolutely do not want to die right now i dont even have the motivation to scream but i wonder if a solid scream would be cathartic

theres just so many things i need to complain about my heart is pounding so hard im in pain and im shaking and everything feels bad and i cant change my meds bc i cant contact my psychiatrist from france or like... more importantly figure out the logistics

i dont wanna go back to the states though bc gburg is probably gonna be hella toxic for me again even though my schedule for next year is super good and im super looking forward to it

why did i send home all of my sheet music and why didnt i send home my jackets holy wow that’s gonna be a lot of weight i cant pay for with the luggage on my way home

what if im not mentally ill enough for meds i know i have to change them bc at this moment i am NOT feeling helped by them but what if another med will make me even worse and what if i am actually just shitty at managing symptoms and how come everyone else seems to be able to manage or hide or work through their shit and i have to go and make a big fucking deal out of it all and i literally even wrote my prof like “hi btw ive been suicidal thats why i havent been in class” and that’s just using mental health as a fucking excuse it’s not like an hour and a half of sitting through a class from which i glean approximately nothing would actually kill me, as it were lol

i have to get the key to christine but that means 20 min walk home and 20 min walk back and maybe the sunlight will be good for me but i also need to write the other two pages of my paper that im obviously not doing now since im complaining and making a bajillion zillion posts all over social media lol it is a cry for help how come i cant make myself do the things i need to do im literally in physical pain because i cant make myself do the paper that was due an entire week ago !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how the actual fuck did i even graduate high school how did i fucking survive

well i mean i didnt drink in high school but i also got apx 3h of sleep a night so idk

im not drinking today though like i refuse to do that today bc money and also i need to just uhh not drink for a while because that’s what healthy people do. not day drink on weekdays.

i thought i was better abt that this year than last year but i guess not as much as i thought but at least im not sleeping in my friend’s bed every other night?? which is an improvement

god i fucking hate that i cut myself out of the queermmunity like that even though it’s better for me i just wish i did it in a more mature way im so fucking angry at myself im not even homesick at all i miss like 4 or 5 people from the states in total and i feel fucking awful that theres a bunch of people who will message me like “omg miss u” and i know i miss them too but like i feel like im lying when i respond “miss u 2″ and that isnt fair at all and i hate it i hate feeling like im lying to my friends i hate that i dont miss them i hate that this semester is supposedly the best semester of my life and i still have to convince myself not to step in front of a bus sometimes and i hate that The Brain Demons are clawing my stomach out from the inside but at least i havent purged in a while so there’s that and usually i can talk myself out of other self harm shit

and putting the content of my complaining post in the tags is to warn people if they read it but also it’s gonna make some people like OH NO UR IN DANGER LET ME READ THIS and i dont ?? i dont want that???????? but i also do???? good fucking lord i hate being such an attention whore

i hate that im a whore in general

like i dont regret any sexploits ive had whatever but i hate that i feel jealous of some people because i dont want to monopolize their lives and i dont want to prevent them from sharing love w other people i jsut want people to cuddle and kiss and be romantic with and it hurts but i also cant ocmplain abt it with my friends bc they also are like dammit i want a partner and me i have a few consistent sex partners but i want romantic partners but i need to change the people with whom i spend my time because they are not great for my mental health and i hate that bc i love them dearly but im destroying myself just in a different way from last year

the people i loved last year are driving me up a goddamn wall and i hate that i hate that i hate that so much bc i still care about them but im such an idiot i cant stand up for what feels right or against what feels wrong to me bc ill jsut get yelled at and i know that means i shouldnt be close to them im so hurting today

everything feels like too much and im shaking and still avoiding responsibilities and idk if writing this post is gonna get it out of my head enough bc on one hand i might tire myself out and not feel the need to write about it more to people and not have to bother them or like idk continue distracting conversations or maybe having people worry and try to talk to me will give me something to ignore so i can make myself write my paper idfk!!!!!!!!! but on the other hand uhh what if this is just going to make me fixate even more on my problems im screaming in sid e

oh ps im realizing that my family dynamic, while much much miuchn much much better than so fuckin many other people (feels conceited to say but im grateful for it and feel i cant or shouldnt talk abt it in case it triggers something in those with shitty home situations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) im recognizing that smth about the dynamic feels unstable as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what if i finish my paper, turn it in, sit for 20 minutes of class, go breathe, come back for the end

idfk othe rstudents need to talk to the prof too i cant monopolize him with the same content from my email to him and the same “i need help but idk what help i need” statement from last week or whatever

idk

idk idk idk will summer help me at all? will i live at home? will that be better or worse for me? can i remove all the materialism from my life? obv no but i feel i need to get rid of everything i own to cleanse myself of whatever and also i feel like cutting my own stomach and other organs out of myself but i obv cant and promise i wont try that lol

what work will i have or internships i dont have money i feel trapped will i hate myself forever will i be stuck in loops forever i will absolutely live long enough to find out and i will overcome things but like jesus chriiiiiiiiiiiiist im Not Good rn im sorry

yells

[yehetingxing]

tagged by @holyxingsdick <33333

rules: answer 20 questions and tag 20 followers

- Nicknames: Pandi, .... thats kind of it... 

- Zodiac sign: aries

- Height: 166cm/5′4

- Orientation: straight

- Nationality: french

- Favorite fruit: mmmmh.... pears?? i guess??? idk... i like most fruits....

- Favorite season: WINTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! AND AUTUMN!!!!!

- Favorite book: once again i dont rlly read so like :((( but i guess yixings book

- Favorite flower: ummm... all flowers r beautiful i dont discriminate 😂

- Favorite scent: coffee!!!! (high five blossomie) and umm... any...perfumes...that i like....

- Favorite animal: .... pandas... i dont think this rlly comes as a surprise since my nickname is pandi. i also love cats :))) i have 3 and theyre my children, dont touch them

- Favorite colour: greeeeeeeeeeeeeeen but every colour is fine tbh 

- Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa?: HOT CHOCOLATE ALLLLLL THE WAYYYY

- Average sleep hours: ~4-5h on school days (i got muuuchhh better c:) and like 1328748h on weekends

- Cat or dog: cats obv :) but i still love dogs :)))) esp vivi

- Favorite fictional character: LUFFYYYYY, chopper, every manga character :(

- # of blankets: 2 and 3 during winter

- Dream trip: GO BACK TO CHINA, korea (obv), japan, hk+macau+singapore, malaysia, thailand and visit more of canada BUT THATS WAY TOO MUCH ISNT IT

- Blog created: wow... umm i have no clue... like a year and a half ago??

- Favorite song at the moment: .... bOI, THE WHOLE OF BTS’S HER, power -exo, what u need +lose control - king of china (yes im getting back into these song), company -  tinashe, just u - jeong sewoo, vixx lr - whisper, vvip - jo wuchan ft sikk & gaeko, we are - woo wonjae and moar but once again that will be too much :(

- Number of followers: like 5

- Favorite bands: this is quite obvious but EXOOOOO & BTSSSS those r my main but as u noticed i listen to a variety of artists and groups (and im multi fandom af but theres so many that i cant be bothered to write it down eventho theres like 5 more groups only but anywhoo)

- Favorite solo artists: ....help... welllll theres the whole china line of exo :)))))), i also rlly like offonoff, zico, zion ttttt!!!!!, dean!!!!!!, crush, sik k, heize, amber hehe,  and last but not leastttttttt JUNG HOSEOK WHENEVER HE’LL RELEASE HIS GOD DAMN FUCKING HIXTAPE!!!!!!!!!! (theres actually more but.... ye)

- Song stuck in my head: rn its what you like - lee gikwang (but it changes every 10 mins so)

- Last movie i watched: valerian... WU FCKNG YIFAN!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SDJKASKJFBKDJFBKBKWRUFBSHABF I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS IN THERE AND I CHOKED ON MY POPCORN AND ENDED UP SOBBING IN MY FRIEND’S ARMS AT THE END OF THE MOVIE (thank u @bakinglover73 for handling the emotional mess that i am :( )

- Last tv show i watched: cheese in the trap (i already read the webtoon so its not that interesting for me tbh... i already know everything thats going to happen)

- What stuff do you post: bts & exo mostly, ull see some cats passing by and some aesthetic skies, a lot of different kpop groups and eventually some shitpost of me crying over sehun and hobi :))

- When did your blog reach its peak: lol it still hasnt and probs never will :)))

- Do you have any other blogs: ..ha..haha... ha.. yeah.... not gonna share them cos one is just a blog made for a friend and i post shit abt her haha (she also has one for me :(( ), one is just where i reblog random recipes i should try one day if i ever wanna do smth with my life which will never happen, and one is where i reblog language stuff (mostly mandarin bc yes, i learn mandarin)

- do you get asks regularly: nooooo ahaha i wish :(( if u wanna ask random shit, hello :) im here :)

- why did you choose your url: cos yehet is sehun and hes my ub, xing is yixing and hes my other exo bias (along with bbh and pcy), i thought abt adding hobi since hes my scnd ub but idk.. my love wasnt as strong as it is now. also xing can mean star in madarin so i thought itd be funny to make yehet a verb describing a star... anyway my brain goes to weird places just go with it (also thanks to @holyxingsdick  for helping me choose that url)

- following: too many :( 573...

- posts: 7, 516 (less than expected tbh)

- hogwarts house: no fckng clue lemme go take a test. welp it says im mostly  gryffindor but i honestly have no clue :(

- pokemon team: IDKKKKKKKKK

- favourite colours: wasnt this q already asked?????

- lucky numbers: 94, 4, 9, 12, 7, 21, 88, 10, 6 (thats a lot IK!)

- what are you wearing rn: oversized black nintendo shirt and black sweatpants

- dream job: noooo clueeee, i guess u could say dancer but idk... maybe web designer if i continue liking it as much as i do rn :) but i keep my options open since i rlly dk.

i tag @bakinglover73 @jongin-trash @haneuuls @yerkezhanberkembayeva (r u even alive on tumblr? 😂) @ijustwantjongintobehappy @bias-yixing @anyone who reads this idk who to tag anymore :(

[chekovsphaser]

so @boyjadzia tagged me to do this super long tag game. I’m probably not gonna tag anyone because its way long but I love a good oversharing moment

tagging: no one

last text sent: “and to u”

list three favourite colours: Red, Black, Teal

what time did u wake up at today: 10:45 am

what were u doing last night at midnight: playing the Sims 4

name something you can’t wait for: I hate to be that guy but I can’t wait to be okay again

when was the last time u saw ur mother: Like two weeks ago, or last weekend on skype

one thing u wish u could change abt ur life: My mental illnesses would be gone. 

whats getting on ur nerves rn: My horrid father

favourite tv shows: STAR TREK, X files, Brooklyn 99

first best friend: My older brother definitely. 

listening to rn: random comedy playing on Netflix in the background

3 fears: Being abandoned and secretly hated by my friends, becoming homeless, being locked up like in a hospital or jail.

4 turn ons: Funny, Agrees with me on sociopolitical stuff, doesn’t need to be sexual, Aware and Good With mental illness

4 turn offs: Right-wing, boring, bossy, generally insensitive

sexual orientation: Bisexual 

senior year quote in my year book: “So long and thanks for all the fish”

first thing i notice in a person: whatever is brightest in colour? like hair or a shirt or shoes. 

shoe size: 35 or 5

eye colour: Brown

hair colour: Dark Brown

favourite item of clothing: Currently my LIGHT UP SHOES

what colour of underwear i’m wearing rn: Bright pink

favourite season: I like wet season when theres a nice rain sound when you’re indoors. As for the 4-seasons thing, I guess spring - jacket weather!

how much time i spent on designing my blog: not. I just used a theme someone else made. 

the reason i joined tumblr: I wanted to enter the community of disability stuff I noticed and it just went from there

do i ever get “good morning” or “goodnight” texts: my mum sends me good morning texts when she gets up, usually sometime in the afternoon bc timezones. Plus I also talk to people before falling asleep so a lot of goodnight convos 

when did i last hold hands: like a few days ago I held hands with a friend

how long does it take me to get ready in the morning: I mean, I can and have been out the door in 2 minutes flat but usually it takes at least 30 minutes to get out bed so 1 hr ish. 

have i shaved my legs in the past 3 days: LOL no

where am i rn: in bed

do i like music loud or at a reasonable level: rI like music at normal volume but I don’t hear very well so I guess it’s pretty loud

3 things i love: my friends, shiny things, space

how i feel rn: a little drunk. I mean im not actually drunk but i feel kind of wack

something i rlly, rlly want: mental health

3 things that upset me: mean people, drama/discourse, world suffering

what i find attractive in other ppl: Wasn’t this question already asked? Personality is everything

3 habits i have: biting stuff, drinking too much soda, sleeping weird patterns

something i fantasize abt: Entering Starfleet and going to space 

something im talented at: ~creativity~

the blog i give the most notes to: i have literally 0 idea

last person re-blogged sth from me: boyjadzia

do  i smoke/drink: Nope, neither

my favourite food: depends on my mood? sometimes white chocolate, sometimes sushi, sometimes kebab, sometimes beef? mashed potatoes?

my favourite dessert: Brigadeiros - they’re a brazilian sweet made with chocolate and butter and condensed milk

what i did yesterday: skipped first lecture, went to second lecture, grocery shopping, watched a lot of netflix, played the sims. 

number of kids i want: 0

number of siblings i have: 2

something thats constantly on my mind: That vine where the dude is playing piano in a parking lot and screaming “everybody loves shit fuck”

last person i messaged on tumblr: my buddy ryanepstein

can i drive: nope

what state or part of the world do i live in: London, UK

am i in school: 3rd year undergrad

do i get grossed out easily: yeah. like I have a lot of stuff like textures and things that gross me out so yeah

somewhere i would like to visit for a week: Really good question. I’m not a fan of travel but I’d like to go to someplace in east Asia or Oceania bc those are the 2 continents I’ve not been to

i’ll love u if: you are kind to me. That’s it. I’m a real sad person. 

last show i binge-watched: Brooklyn 99. I rewatched it for the 10th time last week. 

what words upset me the most: like slur-type words pretty much?

what words make me feel best abt myself: I have no idea? Any nice words basically. 

a wish that i’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: I usually do a “I hope this turns out okay” of whatever thing I am struggling with that day

who i would switch lives with for a day: IDK. Maybe some cis dude who isn’t mentally ill just so I could see what it was like

my favourite ice cream: i dont like ice cream it’s cold and hurts my teeth. 

allergies: Mint, dairy, capsicum peppers, something that’s used in preservatives and I can’t figure out which one and it makes me throw up.

sexiest person to come to mind immediately: yeah no i can’t? I’m too tired to think?

my childhood career choice: I literally used to say “no one knows what they will be when they grow up so why bother” when I was a child. I was a sassy child. 

one of my insecurities: that I will die alone because I look like a child and that makes any potential dates uncomfortable.

how many blogs am i following: 386

how many tabs/different windows do i have open at this very moment: 2 windows, one tab each. One plays netflix the other is on tumblr

coke or pepsi: coke

tea or coffee: coffee but cold

movie or book: movie probably, I love a good book but unless it’s an audiobook I can’t read for long periods of time in one go because ADHD and stuff. 

a sense i would be willing to lose: smell. I have a very poor sense of smell as is (turns out it’s bc thyroid stuff), and have at several points not had any sense of smell. It really doesn’t hurt to lose at all. 

quote i live by: I do not. 

type of accessory i wear the most: JACKET, or like, spinny rinng?

last awkward situation i found myself in: I straight up asked a girl to her face what her name was because I forgot and she was like “You don’t know my name?” and I was like “I’m sorry??” and it was awkward.  turns out she was drunk but I was awkward

what time is it rn: 23:40

a song that made me cry: many songs. Recessional is probably the last one I cried at?

first song u ever sang at karaoke: At like legit karaoke it was that frigging Coldplay song the one with the ruling the world? I don’t remember the title anymore.