#not to mention this therapy thing has me so anxious bc this really isnt what i wanted like its not traditional therapy bc we cant fucking

[peanutbutterandoreos]

<3

[mare-the-silly-scroingle]

MARE if possible could you elaborate a bit on how your teacher is letting you sing surface pressure at a concert :O cause dude... that is. Fucking amazing?? HOW 😭😭 i remember i almost got a solo in my old orchestra class but i backed out cause i was so damn scared... LIKE

I'M SO GLAD U SAW THAT POST BC I WAS THINKING OF U WHEN I MADE IT :D

so basically my voice teacher works thru my school but isnt like an employed staff member she just has an agreement w the choir teacher that she can use the classroom space and has cheaper prices for lessons and obv offers them to students at my school ETC. and she's really chill and ive known her for a while so she always sort of starts the semester of lessons (they run by semester) asking ppl for what their goals are and what they want to sing. so usually she's taking students who have like some sort of audition coming up (thats not a rigid rule but a lot of ppl who do lessons are musical theatre kids etc so) which means she has to focus on like preparing pieces for auditions and everything

for me though i like. don't do jack all auditions wise for singing so im like Yeah lets just go funky and sing whatever. preferably songs in lower registers tho i need to expand that part of my voice

we talked and i mentioned that i was into six the musical which is why im singing that song all you wanna do but if you don't know the song its um. Very heavy and also. explicit 😭but she's letting me sing it the thing is Um. we have a concert so i told her at voice lessons today Hey if we do a concert with all the kids in the lessons i CANNOT sing that in front of my mother

so she was like oh yes of course okay we can get u a second piece and she played me a bunch of songs and at some point she scrolled past "we don't talk about bruno" so she started singing it and i told her "I've never watched Encanto but i have a friend who LOVES it so I listened to the soundtrack and Surface Pressure always makes me cry" (guess who the friend i was referring to was :D ) and she was like "YES okay. Do you want to sing it." and i was like. holy shit YES

and it works well bc (1) mare's mother approved aka not explicit (2) character piece and in musical theatre so it works for what i was trying to do for voice lessons (3) has a lot of low notes which is entirely what i wanted to go for (4) very cathartic to sing

so yeah :D i used to get TERRIBLE anxiety with singing like. thats what made me realize i was Quite a worrier by nature was cos i could not do it but. kind of forced myself to many times over the years and like i don't recommend brute forcing everything exposure therapy is a delicate thing 😭😭😭 but now like. im not the best eprformer or anything im still awkward and anxious as hell BUT im way more confident so ya :D

TLDR some miraculous combined effort between my mother, you, and bootleg exposure therapy

[botheredbuck]

it seems all i can contribute right now are hcs because my brain isnt functioning properly (pls be patient with me,,, i have little to no motivation for replying to anything or like making posts :// sorry) so here have another edition of ✨random hcs because i have an overactive imagination and these idiot boys have taken over my life✨

au where callum owns a dog rescue and ben finally agrees to let lexi get a dog so they go to the rescue and ben literally falls in love with callum on sight because look at the stupid look on his stupid fucking face when he looks at the dogs he's so fucking adorable

callum also ends up spending loads of time talking to lexi about dogs and she's just so happy and it makes ben so soft to see someone making his daughter so happy

in this au callum also has a therapy dog called parker (he's a golden lab) and a grumpy grey cat called milo

milo's the undisputed queen of callum's apartment and it amuses ben to no end when he meets her

also in this callum's an ex soldier and got medical discharge and animals were a big part of his recovery which is why he ends up opening a dog rescue because it just makes him happy and being around the animals makes him less anxious or helps when he's having flashbacks

(also ive decided that lexi ends up choosing a brown lab-poodle cross called teddy bc why not)

basically im soft about animals right now for no fucking reason so im fixating on this

also here's another one, very underdeveloped but like ive been slipping back into my marvel obsession lately and i cannot stop thinking about callum as peter parker and all the similarities between them

like the if you can do the things that i can and you don't, and then the bad things happen... they happen because of you line, you literally cannot tell me thats not exactly what callum would say in that situation

im thinking like,,, stark kid!ben as well, like ben is tony's son and tony finds out about spiderman/callum how he does in civil war and whatever and then starts sort of mentoring callum and ben finds out and tony introduces them and boom

callum doesn't really like ben at first as well bc he's a cocky shit so it's almost like an emenies to lovers thing and then callum gets hurt on a mission and ben gets worried and they admit feelings and yey idiot boys in luv

i mentioned this last time i did one of these but,,, scandal au pls. i wrote about 1k of it in like a fit of productivity earlier this week and its literally just emotional ben oops

but then spoilers for scandal s2 ending

second warning

going into the end of s2 bc i finished it earlier this week the hope that ben gets when callum's thinking about choosing him, even though it'll be the death of his career and its like, it feels so selfish to want it but ben's in love, in a way that he's absolutely never been before and he finds himself just wishing things could be different

like, he knows it could never happen because at the end of the day he wants the best for callum and that absolutely isn't him, but that doesn't stop him blindly wishing for something else, some other option where they could be together and callum could keep his job and everything could be okay

and in the end its painful watching callum doing the press conference saying he's going to run again but it's bittersweet, because theres that pride there of everything this man has done but there's deep longing too, of the life that he knows he could never have with callum

oof that just,,, kinda came out oops

but yeah that's what's been going on in my mind im sorry for being kinda absent thank u for being patient