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lazycats-stuff · 7 months

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Chapter 5

Lets go!

Word count: 3k

Warnings: Jason Todd bonding, Bruce is investigating, sad Elias,

Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9

Bruce didn't tell anything to Elias about Aseel's disappearance. He didn't know how Elias could take it and right now it's important for him to stay stable as much as possible. And besides, how is he going to explain the fake business travels?

Aseel is a staple in Elias' life and there is a chance that Elias won't even believe him at all. Bruce saw how smart Elias was and how calm he could be, but this is something that could break his mind. And more so, it was obvious that Elias cares a lot about him.

The thing that made Bruce worried was the fact that Damian has said that he has seen Aseel somewhere. Damian knew that it wasn't in front of the school because he would have remembered him. Elias slept in the next morning because he won't be going to school.

The first night didn't went well for Elias. He couldn't fall asleep after hours and once he did, he woke up in cold sweat. Everything felt like a nightmare and he cried softly into the night. He looked at the necklace that was shining with the moonlight on his nightstand.

It felt suffocating. The last gift from her and probably the last thing that his father had given her. How did they even meet? Where did they meet? Does he have anymore siblings?

His mom was a bit older for the average mom of his peers, but that wasn't a bad thing. But it made him wonder from time to time if he had any siblings. Did he have a sister maybe? Or a brother? It would be nice to not be an only child.

But all the answers went missing with his mom. He sat up in the bed after some hours, seeing that it was dark and it wasn't even 6 am yet. He rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted beyond belief and he walked like a zombie to the bathroom.

After brushing his teeth and washing his face, he changed into the clothes he got yesterday. He went downstairs, trying to remember where the kitchen and the living room was. He needed some water and he needs to clear his mind.

He quietly walked to the kitchen, turning on the lights before entering, somehow remembering where the glasses have been put. He took one and pour some cold water. He was just leaning against the counter, drinking cold water.

The water felt heavenly against his throat. Elias put the glass into the sink, hands shaking. He has never felt this afraid before. Never had been so afraid that his hands shook. And his mind has never went into a such dark place. One of the thoughts that wormed into his mind is did Bruce took him in for sympathy and publicity?

He took a deep breath to calm himself down. He gripped the edge of the sink to tightly that his knuckles became white. He took a deep breath once more, looking up. He turned his head when he heard someone coming.

It was Tim. Tim stopped dead in his tracks, eyeing Elias.

" Are you okay? You are shaking. " Tim said, walking closer to him.

" I had a nightmare. " Elias said quietly, straightening his back. He watched as Tim took a cold water bottle from the fridge.

" Do you want to talk about it? It could help you. " Tim suggested and Elias pondered. Does he really want to? He doesn't know Tim that well... But maybe opening up will help.

" I just had a nightmare and I didn't sleep well and I just cried for hours. " Elias opened up, blinking at Tim. Tim gave him a small smile.

" What are you doing up so early? " Elias asked him and Tim shrugged. " I had to pull an all-nighter. " Tim said and Elias nodded.

" Oh. Morning gentlemen. " Alfred said, hesitating for a moment. He didn't expect these two in the kitchen.

The two boys murmured good morning and moved to let Alfred go the the cabinets.

" A nightmare? " Alfred asked and Elias nodded, exhausted.

" Would you like some tea? I have one that can help you go to sleep. " Alfred suggested and Elias shrugged.

" Maybe in the evening. But now, my mind doesn't want to sleep. I just can't now. " Elias said, moving to just sit next to Tim at the table. Elias rested his head on his arm, looking at the clock. It's not even 6 yet and it was dark outside.

" I know that feeling Master Elias. Was it a bad nightmare? " Alfred pressed on as he made some coffee for himself.

" I mean... I don't really remember much of it, but I woke up in cold sweat. " Elias explained, trying to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes.

" I know you have said no to the tea, but you can drink it during breakfast and then go to sleep after breakfast. You will need your sleep. " Alfred said, taking a sip of his hot black coffee.

" I will see about that. " Elias said, trying to smile, but he felt like he just grimaced. The kitchen fell into a comfortable silence, only broken when Alfred turned the radio on.

" Did master Bruce tell you anything about going to school? " Alfred asked Elias, turning to face him after flipping the pancake.

" I don't think he did, but I don't think I will be able to go. " Elias said, looking at the entrance when he heard people coming. Bruce entered first, then Damian, Jason and Dick, all in that order. Damian took in Elias's appearance, but choose not to say anything as he sat across from him. Bruce also glanced at him and he knows what has happened.

Bruce chose not to comment and the others choose too. They all knew that look in his eyes.

Nightmares.

" Elias, I wanted to let you know that you won't be going to school today. You went through a lot yesterday and you need to rest. " Bruce said, breaking the silence.

" Thanks. " Elias said, rubbing his eyes once more.

" I know we say this a lot, but if you need to talk to us, you can. To me or Damian or with just anybody. We are all here for you. " Bruce said with a small smile and Elias looked back down at his clasped hands.

One thought that has made its way into his mind just earlier is the fact that Bruce might have taken him in for sympathy and charity points. He didn't want to believe it, but there was always a possibility.

" Now, is everyone ready? " Alfred said, putting the plates in front of everyone. Elias knew that he couldn't eat all of that and Alfred seemed to know this and instead giving him pancakes, bacon and eggs, he got yogurt with granola and fruit.

" Again, I know you probably you don't have an appetite for something heavy in the morning, so I made you something light. " Alfred said and Elias wanted to hug the man.

" Thank you Alfred. " Elias said quietly as he dug in his meal. It felt nice for his stomach too. He should start eating more light in the morning.

Bruce has been sitting in front of the Batcomputer, looking into Aseel. Ever since Damian has said that he was familiar, Bruce refused to let it go. He won't go to bed until he gets rid of this feeling in his mind.

He crossed referenced the name and the picture with his normal databases in Gotham. Nothing. Then a lightbulb went above his head. What if he cross referenced Aseel's name with the criminal databases? He had plenty to choose from anyway.

And if Damian said he was familiar, then he will start with the League of Assassins. Damian wouldn't say that the picture of Aseel is familiar without a reason.

Bruce did so rather unwillingly. He wanted to know the truth, but what is he going to find out? What if Aseel is connected to LOA? What if Natalia was in one? Natalia is a perceptive person and you can't hide being an assassin.

But they aren't together, they are just good friends. Maybe he just found her? Bruce rubbed his eyes, sighing quietly as he waited for the results to pop up.

Should he cross reference Natalia too?

He clicked his tongue, closing his eyes for a moment. He could only hope not. He didn't want to suspect that all of this is a ploy for Elias to gather information as a spy, but there is always a possibility. But if it is true, then Elias is one hell of an actor.

Bruce looked at the screen when he heard a sound on the computer. Aseel is a LOA member. Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose.

This is not good. This is so not good.

He put Natalia's name into the system, at the moment praying that he didn't get a hit. Probably he wouldn't. How did she even come in contact with Aseel? When?

More importantly, how is he going to break these news to Elias? He needs to confirm the suspicions first before telling Elias. He is in a fragile state now.

There is no way he is going to allow him to be broken down even more.

Bruce knew that a press conference is inevitable for his mother. Elias would need to speak for his mother, he needs to be the voice. Whoever took Natalia needs to see what they have done to this poor boy. They absolutely needed to see it.

Bruce just didn't know how to rip the Band-Aid off. Should he ease Elias into it? Should he just say it outright? Either way, he needs to get it out of the way. One way or another.

That's why he led Elias outside to talk about this in the garden. All of them needed some fresh air for this conversation. Elias was confused as to what it might be, but still sat down with Bruce outside in the garden.

Bruce didn't need to be a detective to be able to tell that Elias is nervous. His hands shook a little bit and he was completely restless.

" Now, the reason I called you here is because I wanted to talk to you about a press conference for your mother. The media has slowly been getting a whiff of you being here and if you feel comfortable, I would like you to speak on her behalf, you know what I mean. " Bruce said and Elias looked down for a moment, tears welling up in his eyes.

" I mean... I would like to do it, maybe someone has seen it, but I don't think I will be able to hold it together long enough. " Elias said and Bruce smiled softly. Oh this poor kid.

" I will be right behind you. If you choose to do it of course. " Bruce encouraged and Elias gripped the ring that was hanging on a chain.

" I will have to think about it. " Elias said and Bruce nodded in understanding.

" Will it have any impact? On the investigation I mean? " Elias clarified and Bruce nodded.

" It could have. Somebody can come forward and give the police the information. " Bruce said and Elias nodded tears more obvious now. Bruce brought him into a hug, allowing him to hide his face from the outside world.

" I'm scared. " Elias admitted and Bruce squeezed him a bit tighter.

" That's okay Elias. It's normal to be afraid in this situation. You are allowed to be afraid. " Bruce said, holding a quietly sobbing Elias. And the boy didn't want to be anywhere rather than Bruce's chest. It made him feel safe and it gave him something that he didn't have.

A father figure.

His mom couldn't provide what a father figure could provide. Sure, he had Aseel, his beloved uncle who is nowhere to be found and some could consider Aseel to be a father figure, but he wasn't there enough to help Natalia. His work took him all over the world and he was only in Gotham for a week at most.

That is nowhere near enough for somebody to raise a boy.

Bruce knew that Elias didn't have a father figure. An uncle who travels a lot and is only back for a few days at most is not an adequate father figure to a growing boy. Bruce is more than happy to be the father figure that Elias needs.

" I really have to think about it. " Elias said after sitting up more straight, wiping his eyes.

" And that is okay. Just give an answer by tomorrow. " Bruce said and Elias stood up.

" I'm going back to my room. I will try to go back to sleep until lunch. " Elias announced and Bruce nodded, watching Elias walk off inside.

Elias was now bored as he walked through the manor. Everyone was home, but he was just in the mood to look around. He has tried to sleep, but couldn't.

So what better than to do then investigate? And besides, he had a lot to investigate. Manor is a huge home, almost like a castle and Elias knew that this adventurous spirit he has gotten made him a little bit more energetic than usual.

It was nice to get his mind off of things. Everyone was already home from school and it was more livelier. Elias also talked to Theo today over the phone and Theo was happy to hear that his friend was doing well.

Elias didn't tell Theo about his panic attack and he didn't tell him what he really saw in his apartment. He didn't want to worry Theo even more and he didn't want to worry himself even more.

Theo promised to help with school and the two agree that they would talk or text as much as they could. Now Elias entered what looked like a shooting range, but it didn't really look like your usual targets.

The normal shooting range has paper targets and these were very much wooden and there were still knives stuck into it. Elias was confused as to who throws knifes in this house.

And the answered had walked in the form of Jason Todd.

If Jason has been surprised to find Elias here, he hid it quickly. Elias saw a small bundle in his hands and Jason chuckled.

" I see you have found my range as I call it. " Jason said, moving past Elias to put the bundle on the table on the side of the range. He uncovered it to show of more knives.

Elias had no doubt in his mind that these are sharp beyond belief.

" I'm sor- " Elias started, but Jason quickly jumped in. " Oh no, don't worry. I don't mind it. It's not just mine, but I use it the most. I just love throwing knives and it's nice to let out some steam sometimes. " Jason said, glancing down at his knives. There was a small smile too as his finger glided over the sides of the knives.

" Have you ever thrown knives Elias? " Jason asked turning his head.

Elias shook his head. " No. Never. "

" Would you like to learn how to? " Jason asked and Elias had to nod. It was an interesting thing to him, but he never had a chance.

" I would. " Elias said and Jason waived his hand to summon him closer.

Elias walked closer to the table, looking at the blades.

" Now, here you have balanced knife. This is great for you as a beginner. You also have blade- heavy and handle-heavy. But for now, you need these. We will move on when you move from a beginner to a pro. " Jason said, taking the said blade by the handle, letting Elias take it.

Elias took it gingerly, afraid to cut himself. " Don't worry, these are dulled down. These are the same ones I used to practice. " Jason said, a warm glint in his eyes, seemingly remembering those times.

" Now. What you need to have is a stance. Move here. " Jason said and he moved Elias to a good stance. He also moved Elias' arm. " Now, there are different way of throwing for different ranges. " There is close-range, medium - range and long - range. For now, we will do close range.

After showing Elias different ways to hold a knife, Elias was allowed to throw the knives at the targets. Jason gave him a preview and Elias tried to follow but the knife didn't seem like going into the wood.

Elias would cringe at the sight of the knife bouncing back. Jason had nothing but support for Elias and would correct him when he saw something wrong.

They have been going for an hour and Elias' right arm was hurting.

" One last time. " Jason said and Elias huffed.

He looked at the target and threw the knife. He was prepared for a fail.

But it stuck. Elias did it.

Jason's mouth dropped a little and Elias let out a cheer.

" I did it! " Elias cheered for himself and Jason clapped for him.

" Good job Elias. " Jason said and Elias gave him a quick hug before leaving. Jason watched as Elias left. He couldn't help but smile a little bit. He had to admit, he was a little bit skeptical of Elias, but now he saw how genuine Elias is.

And it was nice to see Elias happy. After the disappearance of his mother, Jason was happy to see him happy, even just for a little bit.

#dc comics #dc comics x oc #batman x oc #bruce wayne x oc #red hood x oc #jason todd x oc #tim drake x oc character #red robin x oc #damian wayne x oc #robin x oc #dick grayson x oc #nightwing x oc

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ghostintheheadset · 5 months

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watchmojo's top five headphones_haver fics of 2023 (not clickbait)

I'm looking at my 2023 stats on ao3 and fandom disparities are really funny to me lmao, my main fandom at the moment is fe3h, and of the 22 fics I posted this year, 19 of them were fe3h.

All three of the non-fe3h fics are my top three most kudos'ed fics of the year:

It goes without saying ofc that these numbers don't really matter, if I was only doing this for the kudos I'd be writing m/m genshin fic, and it's not really surprising why the numbers are the way they are- both my Pokemon and Zelda fics were posted within a few months of the game coming, and gwitch is also relatively new and I was writing for far and away the most popular ship. Meanwhile, 3h is now past the 4 year mark, and largely m/m dominated while the majority of my fics are f/f. While I would certainly enjoy all my fics getting popular, seeing the numbers like this makes it easy to remember that engagement isn't a metric of quality.

(In that vein, Falling is probably the fic I spent the least amount of time on this year, being impulse-written in about 2 hours. Sometimes niche fics you pour your heart and soul into can't reach the same level of popularity as wider-appeal stories you wrote much more quickly, and that's okay)

That said, though, I am happy with the fics that made top 2. There's something satisfying about my first and last fics of the year being the most popular, and I am very happy with how the both of them turned out. They're both representative of the themes I like writing about and are both wholesome yuri, so I think they "belong" in the top 5 as much as any fic could be said to.

Numbers 4 and 5 are kind of a surprise to me- Pegasus Knight Dysphoria is a gen fic about a trans girl and Someday is an f/f rarepair. Of the 19 (wow) 3h fics I've written over 2023, these are not the two I'd expect to break into the top 5, but it's a pleasant surprise that they did!

Anyway, none of that actually matters beyond being mildly interesting to me specifically. Onward to 2024:

According to my stats page, I posted 126k words of fic in 2023, which averaged out to a little over 10k words a month or about 345 words a day. Not bad! Looking to get those numbers up next year though. If I don't, then that'll be okay, but 126k is the Word Count To Beat if possible.

I would also like to do some more fandom events! Apparently there's a FE rarepair week happening literally right now that I wasn't aware of until yesterday. Hoooopefully I'll be able to see more of that kind of thing now that I'm here, as they've always been a lot of fun when I could participate. I'm not leaving 3h just yet, but I would like to branch out a bit more- I definitely have more gwitch fics lined up, and I'd like to also branch out a bit and write for some other fandoms I haven't gotten around to yet.

Big writing goal is to finish Together We Ride, and also work on it more consistently. I was putting off starting it for a while because I wanted to "wait for a good time", but I realized if I kept that up it would never get started. Considering I started it in April and there's currently 7 chapters, it was in fact "not a good time", but! I am committed to seeing it through in the upcoming year.

That's about it I think. It's been lovely writing fic over the past year (and a great way to unwind from the Grad School Stress), and I'm very much looking forward to exploring more next year.

(might do a roundup later today of some fics from this year I really liked we'll see)

#ramblings

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sidekick-hero · 1 year

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15 questions, 15 tags

i was tagged by the lovely @hammity-hammer thank you darling! <33 It was SO interesting to read your answers and getting to know you better. I don't have a piercing yet but I would def get one at your shop, if you ever open one!! <3

Gonna put this under a read more so I don't clutter anyone's dash :)

1. Are you named after anyone? Not really. My mom was watching a lot of American movies when she had been pregnant with me, looking for a name and that one came up in the credits. To be fair, she wanted to give me a different name but my father vetoed that one, so my name is their compromise.

2. When was the last time you cried? Depends a bit on how we define crying. Work has been really hard the last few months and I did not get a lot of sleep and I was really exhausted. So, when 2 weeks ago my boss called me after I worked 8 hours already to tell me she had some issues with a text I wrote and then we talked this through for almost 3h and then I realized I would need to rewrite the whole text that same night I had tears spring to my eyes. In front of my boss (video call). Not my best moment. But real crying? No idea, actually. I don't cry a lot tbh.

3. Do you have kids? Nope, and I also don't want them. Never have. I like my friend's kids and being the cool auntie, but that's it.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? the more tired I am, the more sarcastic I get. I try to tone it down usually because while it can be amusing at times it's also kind of a negative kind of humour and a downer if you use it too much. Also very easy to hurt people with it.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people? Varies a lot. Their general appearance I guess, like height, figure, hair. It's not like I single out a certain feature. And from there it depends on the context, the person, my mood etc.

6. What's your eye color? Hard to describe. It's green, but not like grass. More a faded kind of green, grey-green but with specks of brown when you get really close.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? there are scary movies with happy endings ;) But yeah, as a kid/teenager I was a sucker for horror movies, I watched them all. Then I moved out and started living alone. Horror movies lost their charm then so now I have to go with happy endings. Life sucks enough as it is, give me some escapism.

8. Any special talents? At parties I always impressed people by being able to fit my whole fist into my mouth lol but I wouldn't say that's a special talent, just a flexible jaw. I'm very good with numbers, and patterns, and logic? I have a very analytical mind. Oh, and I'm a very good runner.

9. Where were you born? A very small town smack in the middle of nowhere in Germany. I played in cow dung as a kid.

10. What are your hobbies? Running, working out, taking long walks and hikes in the woods (yeah I'm one of these outdoorsy people you've been warned about). If getting tattooes counts as a hobby then tattooes lol.

11. Do you have any pets? My beloved dog Bella (the floof, as Jen would say). She's the light of my life. Huge ass snow white dog, cuddly as fuck at home, more of a Cujo outside. She has a very strong distrust of other people. She's bred for protection and takes this very serious.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? Outside of PE I never really "played" a sport. I run since I am 17, I train at the gym regularly, I go for really long walks (record is 60km in one go) and I did KravMaga for about 2 years. I want to start MMA but it's expensive as fuck.

13. How tall are you? A very average 5'7'' (170cm)

14. Favorite subject in school? Philosophy, history, politics as well as German and English (those two had been my advanced classes)

15. Dream job? I always wanted to become a profiler. I find serial killers and offenders endlessly fascinating. It speaks to the analytical part of me but also to my love for being active and to work with my body. So yeah, dream job. Sadly, it never worked out. But I love my current job, too :))

i'm gonna tag the last 15 people in my notes, as I tend to do ;) And as usual, please feel free to ignore this <3

@yournowheregirl, @baronsamediswife, @hedwigs-art, @aftershocked, @princess-josephina (hellooo new follower, nice to meet you!), @demonbitchesnearyou,@dogblogbog, @silentdescant, @kaspurrcat, @gooodtoast (love the URL lol), @supernaturalvikingwhore, @wastedonyoursmile, @legitcookie, @fearlessjones and @letmeplaytheliontoo

#about me #tag game

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clonesupport · 1 year

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thank you @strangefable for tagging me!💕

1. are you named after anyone?

i was named after a movie if that counts

2. when was the last time you cried?

….like thirty minutes ago AHAHAHAHA—

3. do you have kids?

hell no

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

ahahaha….haha…….yeah probably a bit too much..

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

my intuition about their general vibe/character, but physically? their eyes i suppose, it’s where i look first

6. what’s your eyes colour?

shit brown lol

7. scary movies or happy endings?

how about both🥴

8. any special talents?

uuhhh idk man i guess i can draw, write a bit, my ability to binge any kind of content for hours/days straight, my ability to hyper fixate on something and move onto a new hyper fixation within the week-, soccer even if it’s been a while, my food knowledge TwT (don’t ask, my parents are both obsessed with cooking and food in general and so their knowledge rubbed off on me) and my music knowledge if that counts

9. where were you born?

downtown vancouver, women’s hospital if you want the specifics, can’t give you the room number though, i was too young to remember that

10. what are your hobbies?

uuuhhh gaming, listening to music, watching tv/movies, crying-, uhh eating?, drawing

11. have you had any pets?

yeah, had a cat that passed when i was 12, my dog who’s now 10 and lives with my parents so i never see anymore TTTT

12. what sports do you play/have played?

did ten years of soccer, skating, some ski, played some basket ball and hockey here and there, did track too and cross country, ok looking back on this i was a jock oh god wtf—-

13. how tall are you?

a boring average of 5’7”🥴

14. favourite subject in school?

science, any kind, i loved it all even if i wasn’t smart enough to do well lol, favourite class i ever took was grade 12 geology, but that might be cuz i wanted my teacher to blow my back out in the staff room—— but the subject was really fun that’s no lie-

15. dream job?

unrealistically? rockstar, or mocap/game actor. realistically? idk lol i never did, nor do i now or really care lol i just want a job that isn’t too tasking and pays good and i’ll be happy

i tag @captastra @confidentandgood @sstewyhosseini @detectivelokis @roofgeese @gayafsatan @galaxycunt @moonlit-jellies @kyber-infinitygems @incognito-insomniac and anyone wanting to play along!

#tagged #about me #mr lewis hmu plz #i know you got a wife and you talked about her birth stone being garnet all the time #but i would still risk it all—#he didn’t make it easy on us either istg😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

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turnips-creates · 1 year

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15 Questions!!! (or in this case -> 25)

Thankie to both @carrotblr , @legiomiam , and @awritingcaitlinfor the tags!

I'm doing this all in one go bc if I don't, I'm gonna completely forget

Carrot's 15 ->

Are you named after anyone? yep! my middle name references my great gran

When was the last time you cried? hahahahaaaAAAAAAAA

Do you have kids? depends? none of my own genetics, but more OCs than i can list… plus a couple of pseudo-adopted kiddos i became con-parent to

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Noooooo, never in my life have i ever 🥰

What’s the first thing you notice about people? vibes or hair color

What’s your eye color? 👓

Scary movies or happy endings? i really don’t do well with suspense, sooooo typical horror ain’t my strong suit??? lets just say my friends don’t take me to those anymore, but if we’re talking just my preference in endings, i’m only care if it was a satisfying conclusion that goes with the storyline. [by satisfying i mean did the story go through a full arc]

Any special talents? i’ve been told i do??? a current list includes but apparently isn’t limited to: archery, socializing [apparently???], having a random assortment of facts on any given hyperfixation i’ve had, tripping over royalty, and reading really fast while being slow as shit at typing

Where were you born? hell, not quite sure which lvl tho… 4 maybe?

What are your hobbies? what do i not have as a hobby? rn it’s renaissance recreation that is NOT ren faire and embroidery/textiles

Have you any pets? 3 cats, 1 doggo, and a fish

What sports do you play/have played? swimming, volleyball, and period archery are/were the ones i compete(d) in, but i also did boffer fighting as a kid

How tall are you? high end of average??? i grew really fast at a young age tho, so i towered over my elementary/middle school classmates. kept getting mistaken for an adult at 12 y/o

Favorite subject in school? SCIENCE

Dream job? i also would love to be a bestselling author, but becoming a novel editor would be fun too. the one i’m currently thinking of switching my major to - as i’m currently in the english dep with a focus in creative writing - is psychiatric neurology??? it’s always been fascinating to me especially after my way late audhd diagnosis

Legiom & Caitlyn's 10 ->

1. Do you prefer owls, capybaras, or flamingos?

OWLS! SKY CATS! i totally didn’t have a hyperfixation on ornithology with a focus in raptors as a kid… did you know an owl’s feathers are different from a hawks? the hawk’s wing feathers have ‘hooks’ that hold their feathers together? most birds have that feature in their feathers - it’s why the strands of individual flight feathers can be hard to break up, but owls don’t have such strong ones! owls also have small structures fluffing up from their flight feathers, and both of these features breaks up the air currents around their wings, not only allowing for near silent flight but also incredibly slow speeds - barn owls can glide as slow as 2 miles or 3.22 km per hour! there are variations of course —

2. What is your favorite soup?

uuuuhhh, does stew count as a soup??? if so, then there was this really great guinness based lamb stew i had in a small hole in the wall in ireland during my semester there

3. What is your favorite…rock (idfk)?

carnelian? or jade? the real pale kind?

4. Choose a familiar:

- very dumb, very loving disobedient dog. He loves you but will never listen to you ever

- a raven that speaks but it only ever shrieks the name of various fast food restaurants

- a toad that screams like a teenage boy instead of croaks

BIRB

5. Which planet do you feel like would be kind of an asshole if you met them?

Jupiter. definitely.

[i totally wasn’t going to make a uranus joke, nope, not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee]

6. if you were a worm would you love me? (ah yes me I did this)

depends on what kind of worm you became and whether or not i know it’s you

7. Least favorite type of clothing?

itchy ones.

8. You are now in a horror movie—so sorry. Chance of survival?

50/50 cause i’m an absolute dumbass. i’d either die immediately or out-dumb the villain.

9. Would you rather: the ability to instantly grow a perfect mustache, or ability to talk to vegetables?

mustache. a) it’s prime comedy and disguise material and b) i could not eat any veggies if i could hear them.

10. What do you think of whales?

THE BABIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Feel free to answer any combination of the above questions! Sorry, if you've already been tagged:

@clockworkgalaxies @faelanvance @saltwaterbells @saphoblin @moonscribbler

Have fun!!!

#tag games #not writing #15 questions #well #more like 25

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godtears · 8 months

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I can't stop thinking about like. How my body just does not like me. It hates me.

> Walked almost every day to and from school about 2 and a half miles, sometimes rode a bike, with a heavy backpack

> Only ate 1-2 a day, no snacks

> Diet consisted of water, hand picked veggies, fresh fruits, and healthy homemade meals with very little meat (and no meat at all in my vegan period), sometimes a small juice with chia seeds, and very very rarely a soda or chips (talking like 3 times a month max)

> Went to the gym with my mom some weekends

> During the summer my mom and I would go for 5 mile walks

> I would do a lot of physical activities like walking around outdoor concerts and state fairs or the park with my friends

> I sometimes walked from my house to the mall which was 5 miles.

> Every. Single. Day. I was doing something active because if I wasn't, I'd start having a panic attack at how stagnant I felt. Autism maybe.

> I WAS STILL OVERWEIGHT.

> Went out of high school

> Was still daily active between concerts, events, hanging out with friends (especially my sister), etc. Was never not spending the day walking around, running around, hiking, and all sorts of weird as fuck parkor. I did a lot of various things

> Diet was the same up until 2017

> 2017 is when I started eating less than I already did, only eating 1 every other day (and in between that I ate nothing at all)

> Diet still consisted of the same foods

> I started smoking weed

> I fucking lost a shit ton of weight????

> Broke up with my ex and started dating someone who was a culinary student and working chef

> Got pregnant

> Gave birth

> Went on birth control and mental health medications

> Exercise went down due to complications

> Diet went back to 1-2 times a day still healthy foods

> Gained weight back

> Now I go for 3 hour walks like 3-4 times a week, sometimes play squash, swim a lot in the summer

> Diet is same

> Off my meds

> Still on birth control

> Counting calories and I on average do not eat enough calories even for a toddler (my average is 700 cal max, even yesterday I only had 655 calories)

> Try to do squats and stretches as much as I can remember

> Take edibles occasionally for stress and anxiety

> Constantly up and moving doing housework and chores

> STILL GAINING WEIGHT????????????

Genuinely I do not understand. The secret to me losing weight was having a worsening eating disorder and never being home I guess.

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luposlip · 1 year

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Real world battery life: Samsung Galaxy S23

or: Samsung Galaxy S23 vs. Samsung Galaxy S22 Ultra

NB: Due to popular demand, I'll update this daily for the first 2 weeks!

Wednesday the 1st of February Samsung presented their new lineup of Galaxy devices. The day after I bought the Samsung Galaxy S23.

The last year, I've had the Galaxy S22 Ultra, and before that the Galaxy S21 Ultra.

I've been really happy about the Ultras, because of:

their cameras, and

their battery life (especially the S21 Ultra!)

But I got tired of having such a huge phone. Would the battery life of the smallest phone in the lineup disappoint me?

Day 0: Thursday

I bought the phone Thursday afternoon, and spent the rest of the day transferring data to it from my previous phone. I have lots of data, so it took quite a while, even though the Samsung Smart Switch makes it very easy. But this day doesn't really count.

Day 1: Friday

My normal weekday comes with a few morning standup meetings using Teams, which is known to be really power hungry. During the day I've used my phone as internet connection, old school dialing, a fair share of messaging (primarily via Signal and old school SMS), reading news in the breaks and in the evening.

And my Fridays are even more power hungry than the rest of the weekdays, because I usually have around 1.5 hours of Teams meetings, the first part while commuting (thus using cell data).

The first full day with the new Galaxy S23 was a Friday, so I was really curious about the battery life (the S22 didn't really get great reviews on this account, but the S23 has slightly bigger battery pack, and according to specs a more power efficient processor).

By the way - I always turn on the battery saver function on my smartphones, to ensure the battery works for as many years as possible. This means the Galaxies only charge to 85%.

After the full workday - the S23 still had 40% left. And I spent more power than a normal Friday, because I had to post-install and setup 5-10 apps which I didn't auto-install via the Smart Switch app.

I got up at 7am, and before I went to bed at around 1am there were a little more than 20% left (I spent some time in the evening playing Chess.com).

My S22 Ultra usually had around 40-45% left in the evening - but perhaps 30% after heavy usage. For my usage, 20% vs. 30% after a day of heavy usage is fine - as long as it lasts a full day (and again - I don't charge to 100%).

Result Day 1

18 hours of above normal daily usage, 65% battery juice spent. This means I could use it for around 27 hours on a charge, if I charged it to 100%.

Day 2: Saturday

I've used my phone around what I normally do a weekend day, perhaps a tiny bit less.

I disconnected it from the charger 8 hours ago, and it still has 70% left. This means less than 2% battery usage per hour (15%/8h)!!

That's pretty awesome!

Turned off the phone at 1:30am with 47% left, that's 38% during more than 16 hours. I played a chess app for around 1 hour before going to sleep. Around 42 hours on a full charge.

Day 3: Sunday

Didn't use the phone much today, just some messaging, reading news, checking weather forecasts, a bit of googling, looking at old photos and playing a couple of games of chess.

Stopped using the S23 after 14 hours of no charging. Still 64% on the battery, which means 21% down, which again means 1.5% down per hour, and would mean that it could be turned on for more than 60 hours with this light usage, if charged to 100%.

Very acceptable!

Day 4: Monday

Off the charger at 7am. Checking a bit of news and messages.

Teams meetings using the phone from 8:45am until 10am around 30 minutes of these while commuting. At 10am the battery drained from 85% to 73%.

Leaving the phone in the charger until tomorrow, after around 16 1/4 hours, and battery is at 49%. Except from the above average Teams meetings in the morning, I've used it just like any other normal day.

36%/16h is approximately 2.25% per hour, giving around 44 hours on a full charge.

Until now I'm actually quite impressed!

Day 5: Tuesday

Started the day with 1h 15mins of Teams meetings, the first 35 minutes using cellular. 1h of the meetings was with video and/or screen sharing.

Then came a day of what is for me normal usage. Messaging, news, a short chess game.

During the day and afternoon I had some phone calls.

In the evening I had 57% left, before I attended a meetup via Zoom. The zoom meeting had video (mine was turned off most of the time though). The meeting was 1 hour, and half of that was over cellular.

After that I played a bit more chess and did a bit more messaging.

Now that I'll soon head to bed, the phone still has 41%, and has been on battery for 16.75 hours. That's 44%/16.75h = 2.63% per hour (38 hours on a full charge).

A good pattern is showing!

Day 6: Wednesday

Today was a day of a somewhat normal usage for me. Perhaps a tiny bit less than normal via Teams.

Had my daily standups, approximately 30 minutes in Teams via cellular. Then a couple of phone calls, Signal-calls, recorded some video, then another phone call on my way back home. Plus normal messaging use (remember that I'm not a teenager, so I don't snap 5 times every 5 minutes ;)).

I played a couple of chess games, and read a bit on the phone in the evening.

Now it's been on battery for almost 17 hours, and it still has 50% left, meaning 35% down, which is around 2.1% per hour. That totals around 47 hours on a full charge.

Sweetness.

Oh yeah - and today I picked up one of the original Samsung silicone cases. It's really nice and snug looking, super simple and clean. And now the phone doesn't rock at all when laying on a flat surface :)

Day 7: Thursday (again)

Today was super busy one, working, hosting a meetup and coming home late in the evening. So not much time to use the phone.

Not that I didn't use it - I used it for some meetings, phone calls, messaging, a bit of chess in the morning, emails during the day. A couple of photos and a video. But not much.

It's been detached from a charger for 17.5 hours, and has decharged merely 25% from 85% down to 60%. That's around 70 hours of light runtime on a 100% charge!

Day 8: Friday (again)

As usually I had lots of Teams meetings, first while communiting, then (still from the phone) from the office. Around 1.5 hours in total.

I had a meeting over Signal, heard some podcasts from Spotify and saw some tutorials from youtube.

Not a super busy phone-day, but just some heavy usage of screen and cellular/wireless.

This reflects on the consumption, but still quite good for a small(ish) phone: 35% left on the battery after 18 hours, which is 50% down. Giving a total of 36 hours of on-battery usage on a full charge. Much better than last Friday, but it's difficult to make a 1:1 comparison, since last Friday was my first full day of usage.

Day 9: Saturday (again)

Sort of normal Saturday today, normal usage, no meetings, but some streaming (of podcast/radio/music and a bit on youtube).

56% left after 14 hours of usage, 29% down, which equals around 48 hours on a full charge. Better than last Saturday!

Day 10: Sunday (again)

Long story short, probably pretty standard for a Sunday. 31% down in 14.5 hours, meaning around 46 hours on a full charge. It was better last Sunday, but I was on cellular all day today, which is probably the cause for the higher battery usage.

Day 11: Monday (again)

I didn't charge it last night. And now it's 24.25 hours later than yesterday. Used it a bit less than normally for Teams, but S bit more fif photos.

38.75 hours, and it's on 15%. That's 70% down, giving 55 hours on a full charge. Not bad at all (actually ver impressive)!

Day 12: Tuesday (again)

Long story short - it's now on 57% after 17 hours. That's around 60 hours on a full charge.

Day 13: Wednesday (again)

Long story short - didn't charge overnight.

After around 39 hours there's still 29% left. Which means around 69 hours on a full charge.

Day 14: Thursday (again)

I haven't used my phone as much as I usually do for the last couple of days. But for 2 nights in a row, I haven't charged it at all. Now 63 hours after pulling the plug to the charger, there's still 7% left on the battery. And remember - it's down from 85%!

That adds up to around 80 hours on a full charge.

If my usage the last days had been normal, it would be a bit less, which also reflects on the battery status, as shown here:

My Fortnight Conclusion:

The Galaxy S23 has amazing battery life for it's size! I'm very pleased with the results :)

It can easily last for 2 days (which in reality is just around 16+24 hours) - very nice if you can't find a charger if you need to crash at a friends place, work late hours or similar.

Just remember - before you compare my numbers with your own - that I'm _not_ a teenager looking at my phone and sending snaps every now and then! ;)

I can use my Galaxy S23 at least as long as my previous Galaxy S22 Ultra.

Oh yeah, you may have noticed, that I have the Power Saving feature turned on, on the screenshot above. That was also turned on, on my Galaxy S22 Ultra. This makes the comparison more accurate.

This is the settings of my Power Saving features:

If you have any questions/comments, let me know via Twitter - @luposlip.

NB: Why did I write this?

I thought I'd write this up, because I'd have been really interested in this myself, if I didn't already buy the new phone.

I really liked the cameras from the Galaxy S22 Ultra, and the new S23 Ultra is probably even better. But after many years being a user of "the biggest phone" from the Galaxy lineup, I really wanted something smaller, lighter, more discrete.

I chose the green S23 by the way - it looks awesome. And it's super nice to hold in the hand. I'm happy about the switch, and the smaller form factor is probably a perfect fit for me.

NB: I'm not in any way affiliated with Samsung, I just like their Galaxy phones (I've also had iPhones and Android phones from other vendors). I'd probably have considered an iPhone 14 Mini if it existed.. I really hope the smartphone manufacturers will stop making every generation bigger. The S23 has a perfect size IMO, and with good battery life and a nice camera lineup, there really is no need for bigger sizes. Don't make the next generation bigger!

#withgalaxy #samsung #galaxy #galaxy s23 #galaxy s22 ultra #less is more

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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1/26/23

Today kinda felt like a counterpoint to yesterday. It started off with yoga that was surprisingly difficult. I guess the poses I did today must be on par with the other ones for other people, but these really took some work for me today. A lot of work around where the lower back meets the hips, which is a big problem area for me. Very good getting through it and I always feel like it ends too early... Still have no idea what I'm going to do when this 30 day thing is over, it's like day 24 already. I guess... go to a real in-person class. It's about time to order some comfy pants, I don't think they're going to take kindly to me showing up in boxers like I do at home...

I worked on stream stuff for most of the day. I poked around in the Twitch settings to explore options with the whole channel points thing. I really need people to feel at home there, and the one thing that has been most gratifying and successful in pretty much every stream I've been in... unfortunately... is Channel Point "Predictions". Why unfortunately? It's literally gambling. It's like... literally the act of gambling without using real money. It's just using your time to generate a currency... I mean... "time is money" so... wait, no don't think about this too much... XD It feels really uncomfortable for me because half of my former audience (who will likely return) were still in high school. And I really don't like the idea of like... training these kids to gamble. Getting them enticed and rewarded by the act of gambling. Showing them how fun it can be, and oh geez, imagine how much more of a RUSH you would get if you won real money instead of these valueless points? How cool would that be?

It's... a moral issue, to be frank. The same goes for like... the fact that a lot of the viewerbase for Twitch is younger. But honestly, it's not like YouTube is gonna average older... So it makes me really feel like I should watch my language, or put an 18+ disclaimer... or get rid of people when I find out they're underage... Like... It's just an element that I really don't feel like should be my job. Like... it should 100% be Twitch's job to make sure that the people that they are giving accounts to on their website are of appropriate age to be interacting with my stream. Imagine if I had like 3 or 4 digit viewer counts, I can't be held responsible for checking IDs. I guess what's popping into my head now was the last stream I did where I did modded Minecraft and I was going to build an abbey with a mechanized quarry nearby to source stone. And it was another bullshit silent night where this high school kid was just talking about the mods he wants to play and really didn't give too much of a shit what I was up to in the game. And then silence after he dipped out. Then... a person jumped in and started chatting and told me they were 12. That's 1/3 of my age. And I just... I'm like 90% sure I banned them. Like... let's be honest... they're not going to subscribe. They're going to go into this stream with like a 3 viewer count, treat it like fucking Omegle, and then dip out. A lot of people do that with lower-viewcount streams. They treat it like it's a private chatroom or something, like a low-member discord group or something. And, to be completely honest, I do not really feel like hanging out one-on-one with a 12 year old. Especially if I'm not being paid for that. Like... if I'm giving an art or music lesson and I'm being compensated for my time, sure. But I'm not streaming just "for fun". This is like... I put a lot of fucking work into what I do. I really try to treat it professionally. I don't just buy a webcam and some trendy gear - the Twitch Starter Kit - turn the camera on, fire up Warzone and broadcast the side of my head to chat for 5 hours for no reason. I narrate, I explain what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, why things are happening, I explain concepts, I explore reasons behind things. I'm a presenter, a storyteller, a host. So yeah, if they want to just talk to a random streamer because they are bored, they can hit random again. If they want to --- god, my mood really took a turn there, didn't it?

I haven't been thinking like this... at all today. Like... at all. I sank an entire day into throwing together an intro video which is pretty cool and funny. Then redesigning my brb screen, which is really sick now, it has that blooming mandala animation I did last winter superimposed over a super zoomed in high res picture of the cells in a leaf as a background texture, saturated with light pink. And I found a nice sleek new font I like for my lettering. Then I learned how to add my chat into a Source in OBS so I can make a sorta Splash/Idle screen where I can just chill and chat and have chat on the screen, for Just Chatting type stuff. I had to learn CSS for that one, that was... tough when I'm not 100% engaged with it. And I put one of these endless nature loops in the background. And it inspired me to do some hand-drawn animation stuff as the background, like infinite loop animations in either Krita or Blender, or a combo of both. Maybe I should just do that on stream, honestly.

Like... I've been positive about that all day. All the prep, all the creative excitement and inspiration. And then I think about the reality of streaming. Night after night of playing Overwatch, high as shit with zero viewers. Where I didn't even have friends or viewers to tell me that Xbox doesn't let you broadcast voice chat of other people in your party, so I'm just broadcasting myself and no responses from my team. For like... weeks. I would be embarrassed about that if I weren't so angry that like... it costs like absolutely nothing for someone to troubleshoot that with me. Nothing. Like an hour of literally anyone's time. Like I just need a friend to drop by one stream and they'll immediately go "who are you talking to", then we go figure out why we can't hear my team and voila, figured out. But... well I guess that leads me to the other landmark in my day. My therapy session.

I hit the reverse lottery with friends. And with family. Like... my therapist, this dude is a saint, I mean it. Such a nice dude, and very good at his job. So I really do trust that he is being bluntly honest with me, because he like... specifically asks my permission to be that direct with me. Which is a habit I would like to adopt, honestly. But he was very clear that like... my family is not healthy, and likely never really has been, and it has really fucked up my perception of humanity. And I immediately agreed and elaborated, saying that I still can't figure out if it was coincidence, if I am attracted towards these kinds of people because of familiarity, or if they are attracted to me in some predatory way... but I just rolled nat 1's on most of my friends. And romantic partners. Like honestly, I think the best girlfriend I had was my first girlfriend, and I dumped her because she wasn't moving fast enough or something? Or she was just not into the same kind of shit as me or something? I was like 14, I don't remember, it was some stupid facepalm dumb kid thing. But she was very sweet and romantic, and I was getting into hardcore and metal and skateboarding and Jackass/CKY and shit. It was just... probably for the best for her sake. I doubt she would've followed me down that path. But for real, I just... in hindsight? I've had some pretty horrific friends. Very self-centered. Very few actually wanted to hear any of my insight or have me involved in their life at all, now that I look at it. Like I was a supporting character, a guest star that would come on their show and crack jokes and entertain them, and ogle over their music taste and listen completely when they told stories, who would just gush with compassion and reassurance.

For so long, I have prided myself on my ability to see the best in people. I still do believe it's one of my better traits. I could legit find a way to be compassionate towards a Great White Shark while it's tugging me under the waves. I would be terrified and deeply sad and likely in shock too, but I'd find a way to express compassion. It's like... automatic now. "They've gotta eat too, man. This is just what sharks do." My fascination with study, learning... it's expanded my world view to the point where a lot of Buddhist teachings I used to roll my eyes at as being "melodramatic" or "too dark for me" are actually very core to my beliefs. I'd honestly say, with my limited understanding of Buddhism, that it's probably closest to the beliefs that I've naturally formed. This idea that all of our shitty traits come from our suffering. Which, in turn, is caused by the suffering of others, and so on and so on. And that viewpoint is just like... default... for the most part. I never see someone as like... being a dick for no reason anymore. The dude who honks at me in traffic likely had a bad day at work, or has a bad relationship, or has a ton of repressed stress that's coming out, or was raised in a family where that's just... what you do when things don't go your way... There's always a reason. And that's a point me and my therapist diverge on, causality. I truly believe that everything since the Big Bang is cause and effect; that random - true random - is a myth. I don't know how I feel about fate or destiny, I'm a huge proponent of free will. But I do not believe that the Dalai Lama just wakes up one day and snaps at his... monk-mates? XD I don't know who the Dalai Lama chills with. But I really don't think he just randomly does that, just... because something misfired or something? I mean, even a misfire is a reason!! ANYWAY...

Through the crucible of... I'm struggling to find a kind way to phrase this... going through a LOT of shit. And being raised in an environment that is not "normal" aka not healthy. I have managed to evolve compassion and kindness towards those that are actively hurting me. Maybe as a survival mechanism, like how we use humor to cope with difficult, painful things. Maybe as a way to avoid worse damage? To mitigate damage? We touched on that briefly and I might as well mention it. I think the reason I have 5-6 hour fights regularly... is because I don't leave. I don't walk away. When literally every other living person on Earth would have walked away. I've had this realization a lot. It's weird because my staying is viewed as aggressive, but... historically... I have believed storming out or running away or yelling is the aggressive route. Like, obviously yelling is. Leaving a conflict feels like a mic drop. Like "hey, we're not talking about this anymore, peace." The same with running, in different ways, it's like "we're not talking about this anymore". It's like... controlling, to me. And I really don't like doing it. I feel like it makes me the bad guy, the one cutting off lines of communication, the one hanging up on someone. Like if I trip someone's bullshit and they start flipping out on me... I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not guilty of that, I'm still innocent. And I'm getting to the point where I can clearly believe that in the moment. "I did not do anything wrong, I just triggered someone's poorly wired defense system." But me deliberately hanging up on them? Walking away and ghosting them if they call back? That feels like deliberately being anti-social.

I'm still trying to sort through this and make sense of it practically. I may be going a bit too saintly. And I feel like I need to practice just... communicating that I need to leave for my mental health, and then committing to walking away. And finding compassionate, kind ways to do that. That feels like a good goal. That way I can be kind towards myself by keeping myself safe from people... let's not mince words here... abusing me, but at the same time, I can still fulfill that ethical imperative to be compassionate towards them. "Forgive them, for they know not what they are doing." Right?

So I guess that's the theme here this evening. Conflict resolution. Not just sitting there and taking it. I need to be assertive with people in my chat, even if they're the only ones there. I need to be okay banning people who are being shitheads. I have to be okay kicking out people who are acting like children. That's how you cultivate a healthy community. Not by changing people. But by setting a standard, a boundary, and enforcing it. "In this room, we're here to learn." "In this room, we let the streamer play the game." "This is a radio show, not Omegle." And with friends? And family? And romantic partners? "These are my boundaries that you may not cross. If you cross them, I will have to go." It's hard for me to even type that, even when it's not directed towards anyone in particular.

Wasn't expecting tonight to be so intense. Cat is drugged up, wobbly on her feet. I'm gonna get her carried up to bed, she has her appointment in the afternoon. I'm actually considering just sleeping in the beanbag chair so I don't have to worry about her eating shit down the stairs at some point in the night and maybe I can sleep better not worrying. It's a hard call. I'll figure it out. Fingers crossed her blood levels look a bit better.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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seeking-knowledge · 4 years

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Pros of studying from home: i feel like I’m doing so much because every day is as if i had a very productive weekend.

Cons of studying from home: i feel like I’m doing SO much and I’m big exhausted.

#studyblr #usually i do two (2) things in the afternoon at home #if im productive #now i do in average 4 or 5 counting school hours #which i previously wouldnt count #studying #university #uni experience

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alluringjae · 3 years

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queen of hearts - sjn

summary: for the first time, one of your star students hasn’t been fetched right after class. but when she finally does, you weren’t expecting such a fine man to be her father.

pairing: johnny x female reader

word count: 5.5k

genre: fluff, romance, comedy | ceo and single dad!johnny + ballerina!reader + modern day!au

warnings: mentions of an absent parent, johnny being an overthinker, sexual innuendos (ten saying dilf hehe), slight explicit language, technical terms of ballet, a mini reference to mean girls

author’s note: sooo i came in touch with my former dance life, which led me to write this. there are links for the variations i used; their names are underlined when they’re mentioned. i am going to get technical with ballet terms here (even when my ballet knowledge decreased), so to any dancers reading, i really did my best, so please don’t come for me or do correct me for any mistakes.

although one character and her dance background, plus the name of the setting, are real, everything else about it is still a work of fiction.

i miss dancing, no cap.

leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!

Ballet student and teacher by day, a soloist of the Korean National Ballet at night.

This was your daily routine, and it wasn’t the typical 8-5. But it’s debatable whether or not it was worse, because you’re always going overtime. That’s the thing when you’re an overachiever. Nonetheless, you loved what you do. It’s the lifestyle you gradually built since your preschool days.

Mornings on the weekdays were mostly vacant since all the kids were still in school. You’d start at 10 am for a warm-up class for the company. Before you delved into teaching and assisting, you’d train right after your lunch break. Partnering class, en pointe class, 1-on-1 sessions with choreographers, self-practice, then the company night class, that’s the organization of your week.

Now adding the teacher title, you mostly handled kindergartners to 5th graders in the academy aspect of the company. Your first teaching class would start at 1 pm. It’s when the younger students who finished their morning classes zoom into your assigned dance studio. One class would last an hour and a half, then you have a 30-minute break in between another class with the older kids. Their lesson repertoire was more strenuous due to the added across-the-floor lessons and jumps. Water was always your best friend, water refilling stations located everywhere in the company building.

You wouldn’t say you’re a strict teacher, but you weren’t shy to correct anyone from wherever you stood. You’d lightly align their arms or back properly so your students were working on the correct body parts. Compared to the other teachers, a lot of students enjoyed your kind yet frank approaches. Your former students, who’ve already gone to the higher levels, missed your lively presence and wished repeatedly that they want you back as their teacher.

“Teacher (Y/N), I miss you so much! Teacher Ten is so intense. I get the jitters especially when we’re en pointe on the floor.”

“Teacher (Y/N), Teacher Sicheng and Teacher Seulgi scare the heck out of me during partnering class. Especially when I tried to lift my partner, I keep losing focus because of Teacher Sicheng’s never-ending comments!”

Not to be sadistic, but you’d simply laugh at their minuscule complaints. Even if they’re struggling in the academy, those comments were directed to fix their techniques if they wanted to breakthrough.

“Kids, you’re going to be fine! They wouldn’t say or do those things just because they wanted to. They’re here to push you to the next level, like how I used to do with you. It’s a cut-throat industry after all.”

This was always your reply, bittersweet and truthful. Not everyone makes it, unfortunately, so if you’re really striving, you’d do whatever it takes. Throughout your career, you’re relatively impressed with how far you’ve come.

Trainee at 17, Corps de Ballet at 18, Demi-Soloist at 21, and Soloist at 23.

You’ve been a soloist for 4 years. The final stage, which was to become a principal dancer, is your running goal. Becoming a soloist was praiseworthy enough because you’ve seen so many give up in the Corps, but claiming a spot as a principal dancer has been the ultimate dream. Since you’ve watched Swan Lake for the first time at 4 years old with your parents, that’s where you found a passion for dancing and the stage. Here you are years later, practicing numerous variations daily, performing in opera houses, and mentoring all these gifted kids.

Your last class with elementary kids, which began around 5 pm, reached its end once all the students curtsied in front of you and scurried to their mothers or their nannies. The remaining plan on your agenda today was the company class at 7:30 pm, which exceeds the average hour and a half. It’s worse during show season. There have been times everyone went beyond midnight to polish every scene from head to toe.

Currently, there’s no upcoming show for the public, though the annual summer recital for the students was around the corner. Selected members of the company were chosen to perform individually in it, which was both exciting and intense. It’s also because it’s an evaluation on whether you’d get promoted in status or staying put. You’ve partaken in 3 recitals in the past, two of which elevated you from the corps and demi-soloist ranks. The recent one, however, didn’t change your soloist ranking.

It was a major first in your career in ballet, and after finding out the result of the latter, it emotionally pained you. Recalling how much soul you put into that piece, the rejection from your artistic director clenched your heart. Though in time, you moved on from it and viewed it as a stepping stone. Also, Sicheng and Ten personally stormed your apartment to pull yourself together with wine and pizza after going on a short leave.

Since you were trainees, Sicheng and Ten were your best friends in and outside the company. Working daily to occasional barhopping, that’s your youth summed up. It wasn’t because you didn’t like the girls you’ve worked with (though a lot of them were fake and bitchy), but these two were frank and humorous as hell. Together, you’d help each other with your goals rather than be competitive. Over time, Ten leveled up to a principal dancer for 2 years running while you and Sicheng were still soloists. The way you’d watch Ten take all the big roles, that’s where you want to be one day.

Back in your last teaching class, the entire dance room was vacant. Since it’s mainly used for ballet classes, you’d either run through anything you’ve practiced from the company classes and polish it or warm up a little bit more.

Except for today, this was the only free time to sew a new pair of pointe shoes because your current ones were dead. Dead in a sense that the hard shell turned soft, which won’t be able to support you when you’re up on your toes. You’re not taking any risks of minor injuries especially when you’re in the current lineup of company members performing for this upcoming recital again. You have to prove to everyone that you deserve a position as a principal dancer.

As your legs sprawled in a half middle split, your sewing equipment laid in front of you like you’re about to perform surgery, a tiny girl stood by the ajar studio doors. In her neat bun and holding on to her small duffel bag, you’re convinced everyone has gone home already since it’s quite late.

You may have your priorities as a company member, but she was still your student.

“Minji!” You shouted her name, speedily waving your hand. You’re not one to have favorites, though you couldn’t help wonder how extraordinary she was. She’s always taking charge in demonstrating the lessons to everyone and improving every session in the 3 years she’s joined the academy. “Come in! Come in!”

At age 7, she’s gotten taller through the years, above the average from how you see it. She must have amazing genetics. Her legs sauntered in seconds to you. Sitting down across you, she marveled at your setup. Specifically, at the fresh pointe shoes.

“Are those yours, Teacher (Y/N)?” She perked up, caressing its soft fabric and playing with the mini bows of the drawstrings.

“Yes, it is, Minji!” You answered while trying to insert the thin thread through the small eye of the needle. “Why are you still here? Is your nanny stuck in traffic or something?”

“My nanny went on sudden leave, so my dad’s the one fetching me. But I think he’s running late from his job.”

Oh, this was a first to know about her father. In all the years she’s been your student, you rarely caught sight of him, even in recitals. Maybe he sat in an unknown section, but you’re pretty much acquainted with all the parents of your students. Even if some were snobbier than the rest because they wanted their child to have more stage time, you still got to know them out of respect. Quite odd, if you said so yourself.

After deep concentration, the thread triumphantly passed through the eye so you tied the two ends of the thread in a double knot. Seeing as Minji attentively watched you, you tasked her to cut the ribbons of your shoes according to the trail of pencil marks. This was so she wouldn’t cut it too short or too long. While she did that, you hammered your shoes against the floor to soften the hard front, bending the shank back and forth so the arch of your feet could move without difficulty later.

Minji wasn’t expecting such loud sounds, her entire body shaken awake. Her facial expression was priceless, explaining to her, “Once you get your first pointe shoes in a few years, this is one of the basic things you need to do so your feet won’t hurt too much while dancing.”

“Will you be there to teach me how to make my pointe shoes?”

“Absolutely! Come to me first then I’ll mentor you all that I know.”

The process of sewing and breaking new pointe shoes engraved your mind since your adolescent years, with changes along the way. Inspired by some tricks from your former teachers, but there were some differing rituals you followed. There’s no definite process of it, just as long you’re comfortable to dance after.

With your feet, you stepped on the hard boxes of the shoes to soften it more, creating a popping sound. Followed by sewing your elastic bands in. For your ribbons, you liked to burn the edges with a lighter so the thread of it won’t run. Kindly asking your cute assistant for the lighter beside her, you scanned the edges back and forth the flame. In seconds, the edges had a distinct mark, fully closed. From there, you slid your feet to your shoes to make final sewing adjustments. Sewing your ribbons took you another few minutes, plus adding superglue inside the shoe so the shoe won’t collapse when it unstiffens and scratching the shank with a cutter so you won’t slip later while dancing.

Voila, the final product is done! Hopefully, it can last you a week at least.

“Wow, Teacher (Y/N), it looks pretty!” Minji applauded, collecting the mess you’ve both made to dispose of later. You, on the other hand, gave her your thanks once you applied some bandages on your big toes and put on your toe pads. Slipping inside the shoes and tying them, you rose up back to your feet and headed to the bar to break them in. From plies-relevésto forced arches, the shoes gave you the sensation that they were an extension of your feet. The ease flowed through, meaning you were ready to practice your variations.

While you stepped your shoes in rosin for friction, your curious student moved to the front where the mirror lied to watch what you’ve prepared.

“What variation are you dancing to?”

“This is the Gamzatti variation from La Bayadere.” You replied, tapping the play button on your phone and racing to your position on the side. Talking a short ballet walk, you strongly prepared your arms before the music of the orchestra takes off.

This variation consisted of a lot of jumps and turns. Grand jetés, attitude turns, chaîné turns, you needed a lot of core control and proper spotting so you won’t get dizzy. The thrilling music lessened your nerves because you enjoyed learning this piece from one of the principal dancers, smiling and letting the music guide your legs. Once you nailed 3 consecutive grand jetés, the variation ended with a sus-sous and the wrists of your hands flicking upwards.

Holding it for 5 more seconds, you landed back on your feet with heavy breathing and a need for water. But before you could, small claps and cheers from Minji in front erupted. Momentarily, you’ve forgotten her presence because dancing solo puts you in your own space. You’d never let anyone take you away from it.

“Teacher (Y/N), that was wonderful! Are you performing that in the summer recital?”

Yikes, she’s right but she wasn’t meant to see it yet. Solo performances from the company members for the recital were top secret, only unveiled during the production rehearsal. Well, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t mind.

“Can you keep a secret?”

Time ticked a lot faster today, only 10 minutes left until the company class on the ground floor whereas you were in the second. Just a few steps down the stairs away, yet Minji was still here. You only presumed that within your hour break, her father could’ve made it already. But maybe he’s stuck in traffic or at work.

“Minji, my class starts soon. Have you contacted your father?”

“I already texted him earlier, but he hasn’t responded. This happens often, he’s a busy man.” She bowed in front of you suddenly. “I’m sorry, Teacher (Y/N) for the hassle.”

“Oh no, please!” You shook your hands so she’d stop. Because this situation was relatively new, you were unsure of how to handle it. Or that was until you remembered what Ten texted you earlier. “Minji, the blinds of the main studio are going to be lifted so anyone from the outside can view us practicing. Would you like to watch until your dad gets here?”

With her insistent nodding, she situated herself in one of the seats in the front row. When you entered the main studio, your two close companions already carried a metal barre to the center and leaned towards it while observing you walking to them in your flat shoes.

“I see we have a bit of an audience here.” Ten glimpsed at the young girl, astonished by the many dancers prepping and chatting away with their cliques from the glass barrier.

“Her dad isn’t here yet, and you did say the blinds were up today. Might as well give her a show while she waits, you know.” You lifted your right leg to the top barre, stretching it with your arms.

“Hmmm, shouldn’t her dad be more cautious though? It’s getting late and it’s a Thursday. Doesn’t she have school or something?” Sicheng pointed out, discarding his muscle tee to straighten out his leotard.

“That’s not my business though. She’s just my student, and since she’s still here, I have to entertain her while she waits.”

Before your friends said anything back, the artistic director of the ballet company strutted her way to the center of the room. It’s a common rule here that once she entered, everyone must be silent to listen and race to any free spot in the numerous barres spread out if they haven’t.

“Alright, everyone. We’ll do the typical barre, then before doing across the floor exercises, I’ll be requesting those performing solos already in the recital to dance any variation tonight as another evaluation on who deserves to perform twice.” She eyed the pianist directly beside her. “Proceed first with two demi-pliés then one grand plié. Don’t forget to do the port de bras of each position.”

As the live piano music played, your focus was divided. Partly properly executing the exercise while your artistic director roamed each barre area, partly thinking about what variation to perform. This was a first for the company, and everyone was just stunned to hear the breaking news. It’d be nice to get an extra opportunity to showcase to people your potential.

30-40 minutes flew by quickly. As the guys carried the bars to the side to clear out the floor and the girls changed to their pointe shoes, the artistic director ordered all the performers of the recitals to stand in a line in front of her. Everyone else was seated around the room, so the interested eyes of everyone were on you. There were 10 performers, half are from the corps and the other half are either demi-soloists or soloists. You and Sicheng stood beside each other, internally shaking with nerves under the intimidating eyes of the artistic director. She used to be a principal dancer for the Stuttgart Ballet in Germany before moving back to Seoul, making her undeniably capable of leading all of you.

“Okay,” From her seated position observing the 10 performers, her finger pointed at you directly. “Ms. (Y/L/N) (Y/N), you perform first.”

Your nerves intensified and more sweat streamed out your upper body. Even if going first felt more relieving, no one was ever brave enough to perform individually in front of the esteemed artistic director. Principal dancers aside from Ten that you’re close with were intimidated when they have 1-on-1 or partnering sessions with her. But anyhow, in less than 2 minutes, you’d be done. This wasn’t the first time she’s had your full attention either, so you’ll treat it like the other individual performances you’ve had.

You smiled to yourself when the other soloists left you alone, while you gave the name of the variation you’re dancing to the pianist. Running to the side to put on a practice tutu, the artistic director asked, “What will you be dancing for us tonight, (Y/N)?”

“I’ll be dancing Queen of the Dryads from Don Quixote.”

The last time you did this variation was 3 years ago during the recital that didn’t change your position as a soloist. Even if this variation hurt to think about for a while, it was still one of your favorites to watch and do. Moving on, you could only muse how powerful and beautiful you felt at that time. This isn’t an easy piece to perform in your opinion. Yet according to the members of the company, this was their favorite solo of yours.

As the starting notes unfolded, you took a deep breath and elegantly walked into the frame. You only wished you wore your fake crown again for this. Minimal smiling and light arms, you imagined yourself as an actual queen who captured the eyes of many. In this case, your fellow seniors and juniors held their breaths at the captivating sight of you.

Off you go into a series of glissade jeté developpé on relevé at elevating heights, then a fouetté arabesque and another arabesque on relevé before ballet walking again to the side to dance across the stage. Sissonne to the front, right developpé to the front on relevé, pique to prepare for a single pirouette, you gracefully did a chassé to the front twice and stood on your toes with a sus-sous.

Doing it a few more times, the climax of the entire variation was nearing. Returning to the center, you took another deep breath and lifted your left leg for the Italian fouettés. Spotting to the front and back while maintaining your balance, the variation approached its end with lame duck turns, posing with your arms were positioned at a 45-degree angle, your back slightly arched and your left leg doing a tendu derriére. Your eyes reflected at the mirror in front, surveying your alignment. Once your 5-second hold was finished, you properly put your arms down and closed your back leg into 5th position.

The applause from everyone in the room roared, Ten and Sicheng wolf-whistling even for more support. It’s a usual thing every time any of you perform individually, and no one minded it. The artistic director grinned, giving a quiet clap from the front before calling out the next performer, who was from the corps. Bowing to everyone hastily, you paid more attention to spot your student by the window. She was smiling ear to ear, waving both hands at you.

“You did amazing, Teacher!” She mouthed. Hearing words of praise from members was one thing, but hearing them from students was another. You’re so used to watching them and giving them your compliments that you often forget that you’re a dancer first before a teacher. Seeing them all delighted, saying that it motivates them more, showed that you’re doing a great job teaching them. You’re a reflection of what you pass down, and all you want was for them to be the best they could be.

From her jolly expression, a tall masculine silhouette hovered a part of the window. Her instinct of giving a brighter smile when the hand of said silhouette patted her head then carried her duffel bag again, that could only mean one thing. Excusing yourself to the artistic director, you stepped out to bid your goodbye and maybe meet her father. Minji and the tall man were about to leave the building if it weren’t for your breathy voice calling them out.

“Seo Minji and Mr. Seo?”

They stopped their tracks. Minji was fast to react, familiar with your voice and racing towards you for a sweaty hug. Meanwhile, your focus shifted once the masculine silhouette came into full view. You finally understood why Minji’s growth spurt spiked up, noticing that he was taller than Sicheng.

The top buttons of his shirt were off, yet he kept his formal blazer on. His hair was a bit tousled, some strands falling in front of his forehead. He must’ve run here. Peeking through were some roots of his scruff growing. His eyebags were almost as dark as his brown hair. Yet by the way his Rolex remained spotless, you blatantly assumed that he was more than well-off. Especially when the ballet academy was one of the most prestigious ones in Seoul.

Out of all the parents you’ve met, none of them appeared youthful like him.

“Teacher (Y/N)?” Thanks to Minji, you moved your staring eyes away from him. This was another first, since meeting only the fathers of your students wasn’t your norm. Meeting young-looking fathers, to be specific.

“O-Oh,” You ate your words, suddenly blanking out. “You’re leaving me without saying goodbye, Minji? Not polite of you.”

“My father was rushing right after watching your performance, and I don’t know why.” She responded, her finger scratching the top of her head in confusion. Speaking of said father, his strong presence appeared right in front of you. The wrinkles of his forehead creased while his eyes barely looked at yours.

“Uhm,” His fingers toyed with his Rolex. “I apologize for my tardiness. I got caught up in work and all, plus her nanny le-”

“Mr. Seo.” You halted his rambling, already aware of the situation. Like father, like daughter. “It’s fine. Minji loved watching us practice while waiting, and she wasn’t a bother either. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Phew.” He swiped an imaginative bead of sweat from his forehead, displaying his relief with his playful nature.

At age 23, Johnny Seo started his own company in the fashion scene and it grew internationally in the coming years. Then when Minji unexpectedly joined the picture, he’s been multi-tasking to make ends meet. Lately, as a CEO, he has had meetings and conferences on a daily. So, his position as a single father was always tested. It worsened when he rarely has proper time to spend any time with Minji unless it’s the weekend or late in the evening. Breaking it down, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to meet you. It was more like he couldn’t when his schedules were packed from head to toe.

Having the guilt of taking your precious time, “Seriously though, I am sorry for being late. Her nanny resigned suddenly, and I have no time to find her replacement.”

“Mr. Seo, again, don’t worry about it. As her teacher and a company member, I am practically here 24/7 so it won’t be a nuisance at all if this happens again.”

“Thank you so much, Teacher (Y/N). That is your name, right?” He planted his palm on his forehead, stressed. “Being a single parent is hard. I am always forgetting things.”

A part of you couldn’t restrain from feeling sorry for his struggle. Taking care of a child should be the work of both the mother and father, not one of them being absent. You’ve feared this would harm Minji, but she’s a strong girl.

“The fact you didn’t forget to fetch Minji despite the late time is still something to be happy over. I’m not a parent or anything, but parenting, in general, is a challenge.” You added an insight, patting the head of the young girl beside you. “Cut yourself some slack, Mr. Seo. I’m sure Minji still loves you, right?”

Minji shouted a big yes, now clinging to the leg of her father. “It’s okay, dad. Really.”

Over the years, Johnny has been doubtful of his parenting skills. He was an only child, and he struggled to ask for guidance from his own parents due to the shame of having a kid at a young age. So, he’d ask for help from his other friends and co-workers. No matter how many times they’ve reassured him that he’s doing well, he’s an overthinker who always reflected on the bad scenarios. There’s also that pressure to find someone who can fill that absent position not just for Minji, but for himself too. No matter how many girls he’s asked out or been set up with, he failed in the love department badly.

It’s the soothing way you voiced out your truth that made all these negative thoughts running through his head freeze briefly. Over the past 3 years since Minji started ballet, she always had a great story about you to share. One of them was how ballet made her a lot happier because of your influence. If he had at least an hour of his day to meet any of his daughter’s mentors, it would’ve been you.

“Do feel free to call me Johnny instead.” He casually introduced himself, taking his hand out for you to shake. “Mr. Seo makes me feel like I’m at work right now.”

Despite his informal approach, you understood his intentions and returned the action with a promising smile. “Pleasure to finally meet you, Johnny.”

“Pleasure is all mine, Teacher (Y/N).”

Earlier, the nerves from performing in front of the artistic director died down fast. But for some reason, they rose back up when you’ve spoken to this man in a matter of minutes. As someone whose feelings don’t flourish in a single glance, why did this man specifically deliver you such a strong effect?

If it weren’t for Ten calling for your name by the door, you would’ve held on to Johnny’s hand longer, which would’ve been inappropriate. Letting go first, this was your cue to return to your class.

“I must head back inside, Johnny. Don’t sweat on fetching your daughter late, though she is still a student with school the following day. Right, Minji?”

Minji nodded as Johnny kept that mind, knowing where he has to improve next. “Yes, Teacher (Y/N). Thank you again, sincerely. I’ll definitely see you again in the coming days until Minji has a new nanny.”

“That’s no problem with me at all, Johnny.”

Soon as Johnny held his daughter’s hand to exit the studio and you were re-entering the studio with an impatient Ten, he swerved swiftly as if he forgot something.

“Oh by the way Teacher (Y/N), I saw your whole performance awhile ago. I was blown away, you deserved the applause.”

Although you could only distinguish his silhouette, you didn’t suppose he watched you from head to toe. Most parents or nannies would’ve dragged their kids out of the studio once they find them like they were on a tight schedule, so this was novel to experience. That performance showed your prime too.

“Thank you, Johnny. See you again soon.”

Giving a final nod, you led yourself back to the studio, not bothering to acknowledge the erupting heat on your cheeks and entire body. Not to sound narcissistic, but compliments weren’t foreign to you. You’re conscious of the hard work that you put in your talent and if they pointed out your greatness, why would you deny it? However, receiving one from Johnny was like gearing your engine with new fuel.

Before you could try to reject these harboring feelings, Ten was fast to pick up on it. You cannot hide anything from this man at all because body language was like another language he’s fluent in (aside from the other 5). Unlucky for you, the saga continued.

“You’re so into dilfs, (Y/N)!” He shrieked in your ear, nudging your shoulder repetitively. He placed things in his own way, yet they always shocked you because it was so inappropriate. Typical Ten for you.

“Shut up, Ten!” You objected, watching the other performers. You’ve improved in ignoring his remarks over time. That was until Sicheng sat down beside you after his solo and got up in your business. That placed you in the middle of boys from the water sign clan of astrology. They just loved getting down to your love life, going raunchy and whatnot.

“Who’s into dilfs, Ten?”

“A Miss (Y/N) beside you, who met Minji’s dad awhile ago, was basically eye-fucking him.” Ten elaborated, planting his elbows on your leg and gave you a sneaky glare. “Minji’s dad is fine as fuck, guys! I’m telling you, like a literal god! I’m surprised this is the first time he showed up here after 2-3 years?”

“How come (Y/N) is always getting students with good-looking parents? Especially the single moms.” Sicheng slumped his shoulders, attempting to get your attention too. “Is he that hot, (Y/N)?”

“Yah.” Sighing with annoyance, you’ve given up trying to appreciate one of the corps dancers with her rendition of Dulcinea from Don Quixote. “Don’t speak of Johnny like that. You barely know the man, yet you talk about him so unprofessionally."

“Oh, Johnny is his name, huh?” Sicheng sing-songed, bobbing his head. He’s certainly going to stalk him later on social media, you felt it in your chest. Like it was ESPN or something.

“Talking about being unprofessional, yet you’re here referring him as Johnny, not Mr. Seo.” Ten barked back, his lips pursed and one eyebrow lifted.

Just as soon as you could retaliate, the artistic director’s velvety voice boomed the room.

“Alright, thank you to the performers. I will deliberate with the staff and principal dancers over the weekend, and let you know the results on Monday. Now please, let’s proceed to the center.”

Everyone began to spread out on the wide floor, snatching a good position so they could monitor themselves in the mirror. Maybe you’ll defend yourself later after class because now, you needed to beat everyone else and have a crystal-clear view of yourself doing these following exercises.

In the meantime, Johnny was in the middle of driving Minji home. He had a designated chauffeur, but he gave him the night off because he wanted to spend time with Minji. Around this time, she’d be sleeping soundly, but instead, she’s boosting with so much life. She hasn’t even eaten dinner yet, which was the first thing on Johnny’s agenda now.

Playing Coldplay in the car, Minji belted some lyrics from her favorite songs while Johnny smiled to himself while listening to her attentively. Taking a breath, her thoughts reverted to her fantastic ballet teacher and shared them with her father.

“Dad! Don’t you just think Teacher (Y/N) is so cool? Ugh, I want to be just like her when I grow up.”

“Oh, to become a ballerina like her, you have to work hard every day and memorize lessons fast. Are you up for it, Minji?”

“Absolutely, dad! I want to pull off perfect jumps and turns like her one day!”

In the other after-school activities Johnny enrolled Minji in the past, none of them compared to the passion she had for ballet. Her work ethic was alike to Johnny’s: if they want something, they’ll do whatever it takes to make it possible.

Aside from being a star student in her school, she’s aiming to be a star ballerina. Being the supportive father he is, Johnny was on board to do what it takes to make it happen. Unlike his parents trying to mold him into the next heir of their company, he’s all ears to the dreams of his daughter. His only dream for her was to be live long and happy, not to merely pass on anything.

Johnny lost so much in his young life, so he doesn’t want to lose Minji in any way. As much as he loves his profession, he wanted to be an active father as much as time allowed it. He mostly received complaints from others that he’s not prioritizing his time well, but after hearing your kind words, this heavy weight on his shoulders decreased. All this doubt started to vanish after meeting you for the first time.

“Dad! Isn’t Teacher (Y/N) so beautiful?” Minji honored whilst gazing at the twinkling night sky. “She loves what she does and shines at it.”

Johnny was accustomed to his female co-workers throwing themselves at him due to his attractiveness, more than flattered even to have them feeling weak for him. Yes, there were times he used it to his advantage, some he frankly turned down.

However, the radiance you carried whether you’re dancing or not was something Johnny couldn’t cease wondering about. Unknown to him, he’s the one getting weak. Behold, an unlocked first for the confident CEO.

“Yes, Minji. I do think Teacher (Y/N) is absolutely beautiful.”

470 notes · View notes

newtonsheffield · 3 years

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Any chance of getting some spicy royals content on this fine Sunday? After they’re married/during their engagement, I have a vision of them doing their events and then going back to palace and just like tearing each other’s clothes off and doing it on any and all available surfaces.

My friend, you understand the Royals vibe.

Their whole romance started because essentially they couldn't keep their hands off one another. That's not going to change when they're together, in fact, it makes it all a little worse. The young queen and her future husband are well known for probably being too in love.

Kate wasn't stupid, she knew what the entire country was saying about her when rumours of her relationship with Anthony started leaking from the palace as these things often did. And she supposed she was a good part to blame. People couldn't help but notice the Security that lined the corridor outside Anthony's flat, and really that meant there had to be someone of note inside, and there was, of course, the very public way Anthony had gone about things. It didn't take long for the rumours to start.

She called off the wedding for him

It was all arranged for publicity

The Queen Regent demanded she marry him if not Stirling

He's a traitor and so must she be.

It was vaguely amusing honestly, the idea that Mary of all people would be encouraging Kate to do anything to Anthony that wasn't punching him in the stomach. The palace PR team had practically begged her not to acknowledge Anthony publicly

"All due respect Your Highness, This will be a disaster." Jenkins had said, the bridge of his nose pinched in his fingers, barely 2 days into her relationship with Anthony,

Kate had bristled, "What are you suggesting, Mr Jenkins?"

"I'm suggesting, that publicly, Our new Queen has no consort, whatever you do in private is of course your own business."

Kate had frowned, "And what about when we get married." A small hiss escaped several people in the room and Kate had pretended not to see the way Mary stiffened beside her, plowing ahead. "Surely eventually I'll have to marry someone, what do you suggest then?"

And no one had really seemed to have an answer for her, which of course meant the answer was clear.

Hopefully you'll come to your senses before then!

But it hadn't been necessary in the end. Sophie had sent them to a primary school, and aided by a rather adorable Hyacinth Bridgerton, Kate and Anthony (Kathony as they'd been dubbed) had emerged as they country's new it couple. Requests poured in for comment, the were star crossed lovers people that certainly weren't supposed t fall in love but couldn't resist the pull. And allegedly, everyone could see it. Just from the way they looked at one another.

It seemed every day in those first few months blurry pictures emerged of them, Anthony's head resting on her shoulder on a street corner, Kate's legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her through the garden on his back, Anthony crowding her against a tree their lips nearly touching. It was relentless, and rather than sullying the image of the royal family, it seemed to make public opinion soar. Yes, their new queen was young, beautiful, and very much besotted with her grouchy boyfriend. It really was quite the narrative, and not very far from the truth. Before long reports of them slipping away at public events seemed to emerge, and this the palace could not abide.

"Kate, please, please do not sneak out of this event." Sophie was practically begging, looking sternly between her and Anthony. "I mean it, "I get it, you just got engaged, and it's adorable that you're so happy but Can we stay to the end of one event this month?"

"Ahh Sophie, when you look this good, lady's are bound to drag you behind a topiary animal for a quickie." Anthony had said, with that insufferable smirk on his face."

Kate had scoffed. "Won't be a problem, Sophie, Anthony won't be getting any for a while."

As it turns out, it was a problem. Before they'd even left the palace Kate was warm. Anthony had been sitting in the small living area attached to her suite by the time her styling team had finished flitting around her, and honestly, the sight of him made her mouth go dry.

He was wearing a light grey suit, the waistcoat of which had a light checked pattern through it, cut tightly across his broad shoulders, his red tie and pocket square in stark contrast. She didn't really need to look at them, she'd known before she even walked in what colour they would be, they always matched, Anthony insisted upon it. Insisted on her crest being neatly embroidered into them, and it was a little unflattering but it aways sent a little possessive thrill through her.

She'd cleared her throat and he'd looked up from his phone, smile already in place though it turned just slightly predatory at the sight of her.

"Well, well, your majesty, don't you look lovely this evening?" His fingertips had trailed over her bare back a little delightfully.

Kate had scoffed, her cheeks burning, "we promised hands to ourselves tonight."

Anthony laughed, "There's almost no way you're going to be able to manage that, Darling. I look delectable this evening."

God his arrogance was startling, even if he wasn't far off the mark. "You look average."

He wasn't deterred. "I'll make you a deal, Princess" She'd been the queen for months but he still called her by her original title, his eyes shining at her. "If we stay until 11:30, I'll give you a reward."

A shiver had run down her spine as she'd thought about last night when he'd bent her over the back of the sofa, his hands hot against her. "Won't be a problem. Prepare to get on your knees for me."

"It would be my pleasure."

By the time they'd been there an hour, Kate was struggling, Anthony's hand was hot on her back, his eyes burning into hers as he laughed and smiled, his glasses shining in the dim lighting, and it didn't help that she was sure the air conditioning was broken.

And he wouldn't leave her alone. Usually at these events after a while they were tugged in different directions, mingling with this lord and that, as directed by their teams. But tonight Anthony shrugged off all of his instructions, keeping his arm like a vice around her, the smell of his cologne a little overwhelming, his deep voice rumbling through the both of them, his finger tapping his watch every time her own hand slipped under his jacket or to the edge of his trousers, a stupid smirk on his face. God he was absolutely unbearable, and she wanted him so fucking much, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

Her eyes didn't leave his watch from 11:28, counting down the seconds as they slipped by, clearing her throat as soon as 11:30 ticked around.

"Can you have the car brought around Steve?"

Anthony's smirk intensified into something like a wolfish grin as they waved once more to the assembled party before they slipped out the side doors.

"Well, Your majesty, very impressive restraint shown tonight." his voice was like gravel in her ear, both hands on her waist now, one on either side, his teeth already nipping at her neck, it was all she could do not to groan loudly.

As soon as the car door was opened, Kate had tugged Anthony inside, her hand wrapped around his tie, his hips bucking against her at the sharp tug she gave it.

"What are you doing?" Her own voice was rough as Anthony attempted to settle into the seat beside her, his eyebrows raised.

"Sitting down so we can go home and fuck?" There was something so innocent about the way he said it, that made her heart flutter with love for him, his hand fiddling nervously with his glasses.

Kate clucked her tongue, tugging on his tie until his knees were resting on the floor of the limousine in front of her. "But we have such a long drive home, Lord Bridgerton, you better get to work."

Anthony's eyes darkened immediately, his hands tugging roughly at the hem of her dress, calming as he slipped underneath it, his lips trailing up her thighs, hands forcing her legs apart.

"Fucking hell I wanted to crawl under this dress the minute I saw you, wanted to do it right there in that fucking room again."

Kate tried to force her voice into something like nonchalance, failing miserably as she shifted her hips a little desperately "Well it would have certainly given the Lords something to tut about, you know how they like that."

His chuckle was slight muffled through the layers of her dress. "They're just jealous, they don't get to have you."

And then his mouth started moving over her, hard and relentless, and fuck she couldn't breathe. The privacy partition was thankfully already up as it always was on the way home from events, but still, Kate knew the driver, and Steve who always rode in the front of her car could hear her, and there was something oddly thrilling about it. Oddly thrilling about the obscene noises that were pulled from her chest, about the soft sound of Anthony's mouth on her, the soft moans falling from his lips at the taste of her, his voice coaxing against her.

"That's it, Kate, you've been such a good girl for Daddy."

Her eyes rolled back in her head, unable to help herself as her hips bucked against him helplessly, desperately seeking just a little more friction.

"Please, Anthony, Please."

He chuckled again and then he started moving impossibly faster, his fingers joining his tongue, forcing her higher and higher, she could see the reflection of them in the window as the streetlights passed, th obscene image of them branded on the back of her eyelids, And everything shattered. A soft scream tore through her chest, Anthony humming happily in response as her chest heaved, her breathing erratic.

Anthony's head popped out from under her dress, checking his watch a little dramatically.

"Well that took 5 minutes so I think I can probably do that another 3 times before we get home."

He managed another 4, one rolling against the other like an endless wave, her screams getting louder and louder, condensation covering the windows in the back of the car. And Anthony's smug smile as he tugged her boneless from the car, really was absolutely insufferable.

#royals #spicy sunday🌶#kathony #anthony x kate #anthony bridgerton #kate sheffield #kate sharma #molly's asks and answers

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wonderlandhatter · 3 years

Text

Reminds me you’re there.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x SSAReader (I'm pretty sure it can be read as GN)

Summary: You've always done it , and at this point you've kind of forgotten about it, until Spencer points it out after a case and you get embarrassed, so he comforts and reassures you.

Word count: 1054

Warnings: I don't think there are any, high school kids being mean but it is very brief and not detailed. just a load of fluff because what else e do I write lol. Spencer calls you cute which isn't a warning but it should be because if he ever me cute I will have a heart attack.

A/N: AHSMVHL OK so this was my first request which I was so excited to get, I posted asking for requests and then deleted the post because I got scared of getting requests which is dumb i know but I'm really happy I got this one. I'm really sorry it took me so long to complete this I have a lot of school work atm. i hope this is ok I'm sorry if it isn't what you were looking for feel free to message me if you would like a different request. Hope you enjoy.

A/N2: My old account got deleted so I'm just reposting my fics I would appreciate if you could bust this so i could get back to where my account was thank you for your time.

Tagged: @pinkdiamond1016

It was just something you’ve always done, as you grew up it happened less and since you’ve done it for so long you don’t even notice it anymore. Now that doesn’t mean other people don’t.

Highschool had been the worst for it, kids can really be mean for no reasons. Teachers would also get really annoyed with you for whistling during their lessons thinking you were taking the piss, you didn’t mean to, it just kind of happened and when you were nervous it seemed to happen more, it was just vicious cycle.

Now that you were older it didn’t really bother you, it didn’t happen often and when it did, no one made a big deal out of it, because as shocking as it may be to some, people can be respectful grown-ups and not make fun of people for the littlest things, amazing I know. Besides, you were good at hiding it and if they did notice it happening nobody in the team mentioned it. So, it was fine.

Right now, you were all working a case in Texas, it was a tough one, you weren’t getting any breaks and you were all frustrated, also it is so freaking hot. You are sweaty and stressed, not a good combination.

You were staring at the conference board, desperately trying to find a connection between the victims while Spencer was working on a geographical profile. You were doing the whistling thing it wasn’t frequent, but Spencer had counted 5 in the past 2 hours, it wasn’t bothering him, he liked it, it reminded him of your presence there which he found comforting.

You two had been dating for the past year, and boy was it a wonderful year, you both loved each other so much, which was a word you had only recently allowed yourselves to utter to each other, and it felt so good. You never stopped saying those words to each other that night (and moaning them).

That’s 6 Spencer smiled to himself as you whistled again, he was broken out of his peaceful state as you quite loudly and dramatically gasped. “oh my god I found it”.

After that the case was still tough, all cases are but you caught the guys, it turned out to have been partners, one was shot during take down, he didn’t die only injured, you weren’t too torn up about it to be honest he did horrible things to those women and threw you a punch which left you with a bruised eye, prick.

Now you were in the jet doing what you always did on the jet after a case, sharing the couch with Spencer. He was sitting across it with his back to the wall and you were between his legs with your back to his chest. He was holding a book with his left hand and you were holding onto his right absentmindedly playing with his fingers.

Everyone else was asleep apart from Hotch who never seemed to sleep, maybe he’s a vampire you thought, and giggled at the absurdity of it.

You were nearly asleep and totally blissed out, when Spencer piped up quietly. “that was 8, you’ve never done it this many times in this amount of time”, you scrunched up your brows in confusion and tilted your head slightly so you could see his face, “what?”, “whistling, you’ve done it 8 times this case, and that’s more than you normally do”, he stated simply.

Your felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment, you hadn’t even realised you just did it never mind so many times. Spencer didn’t seem to notice your reaction and kept going still quietly as to not wake anybody up. “Since I’ve known you, you do it on average once a week, when we don’t have cases or when they are fairly easy ones and about 3 to 4 times on harder cases or when you are very stressed but never this many times”.

This time after he was done he noticed how you were hiding your face in his chest and how the visible part of it was completely red, this saddened him somewhat he never meant to upset you, he knew you didn’t always notice the whistling and that it wasn’t voluntary but he didn’t think it bothered you.

He started playing with your hair because he knew it calmed you and made you feel better when you were upset, “I didn’t mean to upset you bug, I’m sorry”, “its ok I’m not upset just really embarrassed” you replied with your face still in his chest, “you don’t need to be, there’s nothing embarrassing about it,”, you looked up at him and deadpanned at his statement, “yes there is, it’s annoying and weird and “, “and incredibly cute” Spencer interrupted, you just looked at him really confused, “no it isn’t Spencer, you don’t have to lie”, “I’m not lying” he answered immediately “I find it endearing, and cute, and I absolutely love it,” you tried to bury your face in his chest again but he used one hand and placed it on your cheek so you would keep eye contact.

“This is something that makes you special bug, and not something you should be embarrassed or ashamed over, you shouldn’t worry over something like this”. He rubbed your cheek with his thumb and almost as a reflex your eyes closed as you leaned further into his hand. Now with a sheepish tone he added “and as I’ve already mentioned I find it incredibly cute and adorable”, you couldn’t supress your smile at this statement as your cheeks tinted pink.

“Thank you Spence”, he smiled at you and replied “you don’t need to thank me bug” with that he leaned down and kissed your temple and as he pulled back whispered an I love you which you returned without hesitation.

With that you got comfortable oh his chest again and took his hand once again to play with it until you fell asleep, while Spencer didn’t return to his reading instead he played with your hair with his other hand and admired the woman he loved and who he had the privilege to have lie with him.

Boy did he love you, every part of you, even the ones you didn’t appreciate quite as much.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fluff #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #spencer x reader

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tomhiddelstonandzaynmalik · 3 years

Text

Love at first sight?

Chapter 8

Note: im using Celsius instead of Farenheit bc I get confused anddd for the fics purpose I made the reader from Arizona bc it's hot, sorry hehe.

prologue chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4 chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Warren Worthington III x reader

Word count: 1300 words

Warnings: language

"Worthington! Wait up". Warren stopped walking for his friend to catch up. "Yes, Monroe?". Ororo rushed from the main entrance to the end of the hall, where Warren was waiting for her. "So? Spit the beans!". She was referring to the meeting with The Professor, which had just ended a few minutes ago.

"Hell no! I'm starving, thanks to you! As far as I can recall, you did say you were going stop by the infirmary to bring me my breakfast, but you never came". Warren said resentfully. "Oh! Forgive me for trying to give you some privacy! I DID go over! but when I realized you were having a blast with "ms. mystery", I left!." Warren's mouth turned into a big "O" surprised by the girl's comment. "Shit, sorry I'm an ass. I should have known better than t-". Although Warren was showing great remorse for his actions, Ororo, on the other hand, seemed unbothered as he had cut his ramblings off. "Whatever, man. Listen up! Why don't I fix you something to eat in the kitchen while you tell me everything that happened, and not just with Charles". Her big brown eyes were beaming at him with mischief. After all, it wasn't likely of him to speak more than five consecutive words with strangers.

"Fine by me". The blond said, already walking to the kitchen. "Oh, by the way, her name is Y/N". He informed with a small smile creeping on his lips.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"For real?" You said in amazement as the man with glasses who went by the name of Hank explained to you some medical facts about your mutation you've been oblivious to your entire life. "Are you telling me my hydrokinesis has been the reason behind why I'm always cold?". Your face in awe had made the man chuckle. "Indeed, Y/N. Your connection with water goes beyond expected. Your body temperature resembles the ocean's, which means, unlike the rest of us who have an average temperature of 35.5 C° to 37 C°. Yours can go as low as -2 C° with its highest in 35 C° ". You turned to your left side, inspecting the monitor showing your vitals, where you read the big bright numbers. "So, does 20 C° mean... ". "Just fine". The doctor said.

"No need to remind you about staying clear from desserts or, you know, fires". "Damn it, just when I was considering moving to Egipt". You had meant for the man to laugh at your joke. Instead, he shot you a disapproving look. "I'm serious, Y/N. You could die. The body can endure temperatures up to 50 C° before death, but you, anywhere up to 39 C° can be fatal".

Those last words were bringing back the multiple times you'd fainted without any apparent reason. Even during a spring day back in your natal Arizona, you could end up in E.R. The doctors had always told your mother it was a heatstroke, yet it never made sense. Yes, it was warm but not blazingly hot like it should have to suffer one. To your mom, you were only doing it for the attention. And after moving to Washington, when you were 5, the faintings stopped, making her believe more in her assumptions.

It also made you remember those winter days when you were little, where all your friends would be covered head to toe with fuzzy clothing whilst you had nothing more than some jeans and a crewneck. People always believed your mother had sucked at parenting for leaving you so exposed to the weather, but for the first time, they were wrong. Yes, she sucked at being a mother, but at least this time, what seemed to be a lack of caring coming from her was just you not being affected by the freezing air like everyone else.

You were about to ask furthermore questions the tall man with the glasses he could perhaps be able to answer when a bald man in his late forties wheeled in. "How is our patient doing, Hank?". He asked. "Better than expected, Charles. Although I would suggest staying in here for observation another 24 hours, just to be sure". Hank replied, straightening his posture as the older man came further inside the room. But why? Just as you were seeking an answer, he spoke. "Because I am the headmaster, young lady. Charles Xavier, at your service". What the actual fuck, how could he have- "Telepathy, that is how, dear". A foreign voice explained inside your mind as the bald man stared at you with knowing eyes. "Please, don't do that ever again! Not without a heads-up at least!". You yelled fearfully. The idea of having somebody else inside your head unexpectedly had to be the scariest thing you could think of, and after having seen your frightened self, the man spoke ordinarily once again.

"Certainly! But, before we continue, how should I call you, dear?". The man, Charles, asked you with a tender voice. " Y/N".

"Very well, Y/N. Now, has Hank told you anything about what we do in here?". "Not much. That this is kinda like a boarding school but for weirdos like us and that some are of you like to run around the city wearing matching bodysuits playing heroes". You said while sitting down crisscrossed on the medical bed. "Well, you are not so wrong, but we are more than that". With that, the conversation about a brighter future for you began.

You had been brought to Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters by luck, without any clue of what could be there to come for you. When you woke up, you'd thought for that place to be nothing but a fancy hospital and nothing else. Now, after your interaction with the headmaster, you were left with a lingering feeling of something you had never experienced before, hope.

Hope for a future away from the streets you've called home for almost a decade. A possibility to become someone you could be proud of being. To form bonds that could last more than a weak or two. Most importantly, the chance of not being so lonely anymore.

In conclusion, Charles Xavier gave you hope for making your wildest dream come true. Stay here, and you will live a normal life.

Both Charles and Hank left the infirmary wing for you to process the information at peace before accepting his offer of prolonging your stay. You'd been so concentrated thinking about all of it. You missed the moment your angel came in.

"By the expression on your face, I'm guessing Charles already asked you to stay in here". He spoke to you as he was reaching for the stool next to your side.

"How do you know that, Angel?". You asked, squinting your eyes in a questioning look.

"He told me after proposing to me the very same thing". Warren said.

"Well, are you?". You eagerly said.

"I don't know, are you?". If you were honest, everything about living at Xavier's sounded perfect to you. You would have accepted right away if it hadn't been for Charles himself who stopped you and made you think about it. After all, it was a 180° lifestyle change.

"Hell fucking yes! Why wouldn't I? It's not like you're allowed to live in a mansion every day" This was the answer which caused the mutant next to you to chuckle slightly. "Is that the only reason you're staying?". You would have said everything you'd been thinking about before warren showed up. Yet something in you told you. If you didn't, you could have plenty of time to do so.

"Not really, but if you decide to stay here, I might tell you all about them, Angel". You told Warren, who had now his eyes fixated on yours, those piercing blue eyes which seemed to be searching for something, what? You didn't know.

"Seems like we got a deal, Y/N".

#warren worthington x reader #warren worthington iii #archangel x reader #xmen x reader #xmen #hank mccoy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy #peter maximoff #ororo munroe #jean grey #jubilee #kurt wagner #scott summers

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anne---dromeda · 2 years

Text

march productivity challenge update :)

been busy with school, so here I am catching up on the questions for march 4-14

march 4: what's your usual cafe order? is it always the same or do you try new things?

my go-to order got updated a few months ago! it used to be london fogs, but now I get a vanilla rooibos chai latte from my favourite local cafe. sometimes I’ll switch it up with different kinds of tea ☕

march 5: what are your favourite shows? Is there anything specific you like about them?

I recently watched Derry Girls on netflix and it’s so funny! it’s about high school girls in Ireland in the 80s and it’s so fun to watch them be typical girls getting into trouble and causing a ruckus- highly recommend

march 6: do you have a favourite movie in particular or do you like them by genre? what's your favourite movie and/or genre?

not sure about a favourite genre, but my top 3 movies of all time are Tangled, Ratatouille and the Princess Bride. I guess stories about love and family and creating your own adventure are my favourite

march 7: do you read fanfics? what's your favourite trope? which fandom do you read most for?

not in years. I can’t even remember most of what I read

march 8: if someone saw you across the street what do you think their passing thoughts be?

“wow that’s a cute sweater! I bet her earrings match”

march 9: do you know how to cook? what's your favourite thing to make? on that note, what's your favourite thing to eat?

I’m a great cook but I hate cooking lmao. my favourite thing to make is desserts to share with my friends and I love eating soups and stews! anything in a bowl!

march 10: do you believe in the supernatural? have you had any spooky experiences?

I think it’s fun to believe in that sort of thing, I enjoyed watching buzzfeed unsolved supernatural, but I’ve never had any experiences and I don’t think I’d go looking for one

march 11: have you been sleeping well lately? what has been your average sleep hours for the last few days?

of course not 😴 I try to go to bed around 11:30 but it usually ends up being around 12:30 :( I get about 6.5-7 hours of sleep on average though

march 12: did you have an imaginary friend in your childhood? what were they like?

does you and a friend pretending that a friendly shark lived in the sewers by your house count?

march 13: what's your favourite seasoning on food? are you picky about seasonings?

not usually and I’m pretty bad at guessing what spices are in food

march 14: what's an act of a kind stranger that's been with you?

one time I left a high school textbook at my bus stop, and a student who had already graduated recognized it and dropped it off at the school for me

march 15: how do you deal with academic/work stress? do you have a coping system/mechanism?

mostly by reading. escapism is a very powerful tool for me. I also like to go for walks, listen to music, talking to my friends, and remembering that I’ve gotten through stress before, I can do it again

hopefully I’m back on track to finish this challenge for the rest of the month!

#march productivity challenge #annesdromeda #studyblr #studying #study inspo

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horansqueen · 3 years

Text

Stuck With You - Chapter 25

Chapter 25: The Only Exception

🡪chapter 1 🡪chapter 2 🡪chapter 3 🡪chapter 4 🡪chapter 5 🡪chapter 6 🡪chapter 7 🡪chapter 8 🡪chapter 9 🡪chapter 10 🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling, you are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception

And up until now I had sworn to myself That I'm content with loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

The first hour of the ride was pretty silent. Devon kept playing with the buttons of the radio, switching channels and humming a few of the songs. I knew she was nervous but I also knew she wanted to be away from here. She had taken the time to get changed into jeans and a t-shirt, and she also took her make up off, and when she sent me a smile with her bags on her shoulders, I realized she was just as pretty than she was with a dress and red lipstick. We had also stopped by the art department to grab a few canvas and it made me wonder if she would let me watch her paint or if she'd lock herself in a room of my apartment.

"Are you ever gonna let me listen to one of the songs you wrote?" she finally asked after a while, taking me out of my thoughts.

I glanced at her and raised my eyebrows up in surprise before looking back at the road. "I don't know, I don't usually do that." I admitted, not sure if it was a good idea. "Why would you like to hear?"

She shrugged a shoulder and looking down at her hands as she played nervously with her fingers. I didn't know why my question stressed her but now I was even more interested in the answer.

"You saw one of my paintings, so it would be fair." she just pointed out without really answering. "I heard you were really good at that, too."

"Who said that? Louis?" I raised my eyebrows again with a chuckle. "It doesn't count, he's always rooting for me."

"Him and others." she quickly replied, looking up. "You're not so modest normally."

I turned my head to her again, noticing she was sending me a cheeky half-smile and I chuckled.

"I didn't say he was not right." I corrected her with a smirk.

This time, she started laughing and I joined her but when she stopped, she turned her head my way and leaned it again the bench. I wanted to stop on the side of the road to look at her too. I wanted to just stare at her for hours and I couldn't wait to arrive at our destination.

"Louis really loves you, you know." she expressed in a low tone with emotions. "Whenever he talks about you, it's with kindness and love in his voice. And also regrets and guilt."

I didn't expect her to go there but my smile fell and I breathed in before sighing.

"I know."

"I know why you're mad at him and, honestly, what he did was horrible, especially for a friend. But I want you to know he's sincere when he says he's sorry and he regrets what he did." she continued before licking her lips. "He didn't ask me to talk to you, by the way. And-And.. you obviously don't have to forgive him, but I wanted you to know that."

It took me a while to answer. I tried to keep track of the emotions it brought in me but I was not sure how I felt. I wanted to make Devon happy and tell her that Louis and I were okay, but I knew it was because she was the one asking me. I didn't know how I felt about Louis. I still considered him one of my best friends, and I couldn't pretend that he hadn't been an amazing friend to me in the past few years. On the other hand, it didn't erase the pain inside me. I didn't have feelings for my ex girlfriend anymore, but he had still hurt me, and I didn't know how I could really trust him again. Maybe it would take time, maybe it would never go back to the way it was, I didn't know and I didn't want to force myself to anything.

"I thought she was the love of my life, you know." I explained slowly after a few minutes of silence. "And he knew that, and he slept with her anyway. I know he was drunk, I know she insisted... but it doesn't change anything. My trust is shaken. They both made me suspicious of everyone. I was not even a jealous person and now I can barely control it. It fucked me up in more ways than I thought it would."

I couldn't remember the last time I had opened up to someone like that but I was glad it was with her. Perhaps I did that unconciously because I had feeling for her, or maybe it was because I knew she could understand how I felt. Either way, the fond smile she sent me made my heart twist and I sent it back.

"I'm pretty fucked up myself." she chuckled, turning her head back and tilting her chin up with a sigh. "I can't blame you."

Silence came back between us but it was not heavy. In fact, it was light and knowing, as if we understood each other and we accepted each other the way we were without question. I enjoyed this atmosphere and I realized I had never felt like that with anyone else in my life.

"I knew he was not the love of my life." Devon replied, bringing one of her feet on the bench to lean her cheek on her knee. "Deep down I even knew he didn't really love me. But I didn't want to face it. I wanted to keep pretending I was special for him. I just wanted to feel special for someone. I want someone who wants me, who thinks I'm pretty, who genuinely love me. I know it's not happening but I wanted to dream. I know what people see when they look at me."

"What do you think people see when they look at you?"

She was not answering and I dared turning to look at her. My heart broke when I saw tears coming out of her eyes and she sniffed before closing them. "A below average girl. Someone who's not physically attractive and most people stop there. And the very few who actually give me a chance? They see a broken person with no self-esteem, a naive girl who was so in need of affection that she let a man play with her and now she's can't get over it. Tell me, Niall, who the fuck would want to start something with someone like that?"

I saw my apartment appear on the road and I remained silent until I was parked. We both remained silent and motionless, sitting in my car. I knew I should have replied 'me', because it was true. I should have told her that I would want to start something with her if she gave me a chance, but I felt like saying that would be the equivalent to tell her that I was the only one who could ever be interested in her, and it was not true.

"Can you help me with my bags?" she asked, wiping her eyes quickly without looking at me.

She reached for the handle and opened the door slightly when I grabbed her free wrist.

"Devie." she stopped but it took her a few seconds to turn her head and look in my eyes. "Many people, trust me."

---

"The guest room is on your left." I pointed out when we walked in.

She walked slowly inside, her eyes moving everywhere in my living room. She turned slowly on herself to make sure she saw everything and it made me chuckle. She finally got out of her thoughts and blinked a few times before frowning.

"The-The guest room?" her face changed and she cleared her throat. "Oh you have a guest room."

"Yea," I chuckled again. "You didn't think I'd let you sleep on the couch, did you?"

I helped her bring her stuff to the room but she kept quiet the whole time and when I finally grabbed my phone to order, I noticed she was sitting in front of my piano. I joined her, sitting next to her on the small bench, and started playing an old song of mine but decided not to sing.

"It's pretty." she just pointed out, letting her fingertips slip on the keys without making any sound.

"I wrote it about Abby a few years ago." I admitted, staring at her fingers. "The lyrics don't mean anything anymore but back then, I really felt them."

"If you want to sing me a song you wrote, I think you should sing one that's not about her."

I turned my head slightly to look at her but she was too focused on her own fingers on the piano to notice. I wanted to tell her that I would sing a song about her instead but I didn't want things to be awkward with her after only an hour at my apartment.

"Good idea."

We decided to eat pizza while watching a movie and I told myself I'd need to go grocery shopping the next day to make sure we wouldn't have to order every single meal we'd eat. The movie was funny and every time she laughed, I'd turn my head to look at her. It was crazy how much better she seemed to be now that we were away from school and her bad memories. I ended up making tea and we sat at the kitchen's table to drink it while looking by the window in silence. I didn't know silence could be so comfortable with someone. I was used to be by myself and I liked it that way, but when Devon was there, it was like being alone but better. I didn't know how to explain it but I knew I'd need to write a song about it.

"Why did you bring me here, Niall?" she finally asked after half an hour of comfortable silence.

I turned to her and she was already looking at me. "You asked me to take you as far away as possible and this is the first place that came to my mind." I admitted, shrugging a shoulder.

She didn't say anything and we kept quiet for an other few minutes.

"Niall, I don't-" she stopped herself and sighed, closing her eyes. "Niall, I don't want to sleep in your guest room. I would prefer to be in your room, with you."

It took me by surprise but it also made my heart jump high in my chest and my whole body started throbbing. We had never really slept in the same bed, not for more than a few minutes, and It never even crossed my mind that she would want to share a bed with me.

"I'm scared to wake up and panic if I'm alone." she added when she realized I wasn’t answering.

"What did you do when you lived with Lewis?" I asked gently.

"Most of the time I fell asleep in the living room. When he realized what I was doing, he fell asleep with me on the other couch so when I woke up he was there. Or sometimes, I'd invite Louis over." she explained while looking down. It seemed like she was ashamed of it and I was not sure why. "It's okay if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay, you can sleep with me in my bed, it's big enough."

She looked up and her eyes met mine as a small smile appeared on her lips. Why did she make me feel like that? Why did everything she did make me feel like a teenager in love? A kid who couldn't control his feelings and his hormones?

"Can I take a shower?"

I leaned against the door the whole time she took a shower, my eyes closed, wondering what she was doing exactly, how she was feeling... Somehow, I could feel that her mind was still on Henry and Cammy who had both betrayed her but selfishly, I hoped she was also thinking about me. When the shower stopped, I sighed and walked to my room, ready to take her place. I told her I would be quick and when I walked back into my room, she was laying on my bed, under the covers. I normally only sleep in my boxers but I put a t-shirt this time, just to make sure she was not uncomfortable. I kept the lights on and lied down next to her in silence for a while. It was not awkward but for some odd reason, my heart was beating harder and faster than usual. It was ridiculous. I was in bed with a girl I had feelings for, something I thought would never happen again, and I was scared of what could happen between us.

"How do you feel?" I finally asked, turning my body completely her way.

"I don't know. I thought I was healed but I guess it takes time." she admitted low. "I feel.. I feel worthless."

"They don't decide of your value." I pointed out in a whisper. "You're a million times better than them. You're special, Devie. You just can't see it."

"You don't have to say these things, Niall." she murmured, licking her lips before glancing at mine. "It's not your job to make me feel better about myself."

"I'm not just saying it, okay? I mean it." I insisted gently just as low. "Devie, you're anything but average."

"I'm below that."

"No, you're not." I quickly argued, bringing my hand to her cheek and running my thumb slowly on her face. "So you got your heart broken and it fucking hurts, I know. Someone played with your feelings and it's horrible, I know that feeling. But you? You as a person, you as a woman... you are not to blame. And it doesn't make you worthless. It just makes them assholes."

She swallowed hard and I saw her tear up as my heart kept thumping hard in my chest.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she breathed but I could still hear her voice crack slightly. "I thought you hated me."

"I never hated you. Not a second."

I felt a sudden rush invade my whole body as I admitted that to her. She blinked a few times and I brought my face closer to hers, pressing my lips against hers as my body started throbbing hard. I could feel her vibrate near me and I couldn't push the thought away, the one that told me she felt for me exactly the way I did for her.

"Why are you doing that, Niall?" she asked against my mouth, her lips brushing against mine.

"I just want to make you feel better." I explained, my eyes never leaving hers.

"How?"

I stared at her for a minute or two and she did the same. So many things came to my mind but I swallowed most words I wanted to let out. I had many ideas but I was not sure it would really make her feel better or if it would make me feel good. Was I doing that for myself? I wanted it to be exclusively about her, if only to show her I meant every word I had told her.

"When's the last time you had someone between your legs?"

Her face changed into surprise and something else I couldn't decipher. Was it lust? She squirmed slightly in bed and I could swear she had squeezed her thighs together but I didn't dare looking. I just let my eyes roam on her face from up close, waiting for her answer.

"I don't... I don't know." she confessed, licking her lips. "Henry was not so much into that."

"Henry is a fucking loser."

Silence invaded the room once again. It was pure torture waiting for her decision but at the same time, It gave me time to just stare at her the way I wanted to do it back when I was driving. She had a little scar barely visible near her mouth and I couldn't believe I had never noticed before.

"Nothing will have changed tomorrow morning, you know?" she pointed out with a small frown. "I will still be against love and romantic relationships."

"I know."

I couldn't say I didn't expect it but it still hurt me a bit. I knew it would take time and I was not even sure she would ever give me an other chance, but it didn't make me change my mind. I would still wait for her because there was no one I was ready to be with anyway, no one else I wanted or cared for.

"I just want to make you feel good."

She nodded so lightly I barely saw but I was suddenly impatient to taste her. I wanted to slip my hand in her sweatpants and touch her but that's not what I had mentioned and slowly, I brought my hand under the sheets, pulling gently on her pants. She moved her butt up and helped me until her pants fell in a light thud on the floor. Knowing she was naked from the waist down laying right next to me was exciting but I tried to focus on what I was about to do instead of all the other thoughts rushing to my brain.

I slid down before disappearing under the sheets and was glad that I had left the lights on, making it possible to see what I was doing through the white sheets of my bed. She brought her knees up, placing her feet flat on the mattress and exposing her pussy to me. I muttered a low 'fuck', barely believing what was happening and what I was lucky enough to see. I licked my lips without thinking at the sight of her inner thighs and breathed in, trying to bring my heartbeats back to normal.

Slowly, I ran two fingers on her slit and she tensed a bit before relaxing again. It was my cue to bring my mouth closer and press my tongue on her clit.

"Oh. Fuck." she let out, grinding a bit my way.

I stopped what I was doing and brought my mouth to her left thigh, sometimes leaving a trail of small kisses on it, sometimes brushing my lips against her skin before doing the same with the right one. I felt her squirm a bit and she seemed impatient but I didn't want to go too fast, especially if she hadn't had someone between her legs in a long time. I ran my tongue on one of her lips slowly, tilting my head slightly to suck on it gently and finally pushed my tongue inside her.

"Oh my.. god."

I started going slowly, moving my tongue in and out of her, and the faster I went, the more her hips met with my movements. She tasted amazing, the bitter-sweet flavor reaching my buds and making me slightly dizzy. She started whimpering and let out a few curse words but it's only when she moaned my name that I realized how hard I was.

"Fuck, Niall." her voice was low, in a mix of a whisper and a whimper, and my hard cock started throbbing against the mattress. I couldn't let that distract me and i brought my mouth to her clit, alternating between sucking it and flicking my tongue on it until I felt her squirm more.

She pushed the covers off my head and I pressed my cock harder on the bed, grinding a bit as I noticed she had moved her shirt up and was running one of her hands on her breasts. It reminded me of that time in the elevator when I had barely touched her and I just wanted to move back up to touch them. I fought against that urge and her free hand slipped in my hair, gripping it tightly and holding me down on her.

"Niall, please don't stop I'm gonna cum."

Her words brought a rush to my brain and I sucked harder, rubbing myself against the mattress at the same time as both my hands gripping her thighs tight, my fingers sinking in her skin. Her eyes were closed, her back was arching, and I knew it was a matter of seconds before I would see her cum.

"Fuck fuck fuck..." she let out and suddenly stopped moving.

He lips parted and an expression of intense pleasure appeared on her face as I kept going, trying to make her orgasm last as long as possible. She started shaking against me and I felt her gush on my lips and chin, almost bringing me to my own orgasm. It took a bit longer than I thought before her body relaxed and her grip in my hair loosened but when she did, her knees fell on the sides and she let out a satisfied whimper, making me smile against her pussy. I kissed her clit and it gave her a spasm before I ran my tongue again but very slowly between her legs, gathering her orgasm to taste her some more. She played with my hair, her fingers slipping in it before she scratched my head gently. I moved back up very slowly on top of her, leaving kisses on her stomach and letting my eyes linger a bit on her tits before moving up to her face. I could feel how hard her nipples were against my chest and her eyes fluttered open to meet mine. She sent me a fond smile until it suddenly turned into an amused one.

"That turned you on?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as I realized she probably felt how hard I was between her legs.

It was crazy but I could swear I could still feel her pussy throb against me, but it was probably just the throbbing of my cock against it. She reached for my face gently, biting her bottom lip, and wiped the vestige of her orgasm on my chin.

"Do you want me to-"

"No, no." I cut her quickly, shaking my head but still looking in her eyes. "I just wanted to make you feel better."

Her smile fell and she studied me for a while, her eyes slightly smaller. I remained motionless, letting her look at me, and when she brought one of her hands on my back, I held my breath. Her fingertips ran under my shirt, up and down my spine, and I licked my lips.

"How was it?" I wondered, sending her a small smile. "Better than Bob?"

She chuckled and shook her head with a grin. "I don't know a Bob."

We both chuckled again and I waited for my brain to form a coherent but not too intense thought before talking again.

"How about we try something else tomorrow?"

Her smile faltered and she started nibbling on her bottom lip. I knew she was hesitating but I counted on her post-orgasm feeling to help her agree to my proposition. I had never felt closer than anyone else in general, but it was the same thing sexually, and even if I shouldn't be surprised that Devon and I connected on everything, sex included, I couldn't help but be amazed by it. Was that what it felt like to meet someone that was perfect for you? Could that be qualified as 'soulmates'?

"Yea, we should."

Her answer made my lips curl into a big smile despite myself and I chuckled again.

"I thought we were not the kind of friends who have sex?" I teased with a grin, making her smile too and shrug.

"What happens here, stays here."

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