#now its like.....oh they just like me fr
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rereading the shadowhunter chronicles freak me out because WHAT DO YOU MEAN CLARY IS 15 AT THE BEGINNING OF CITY OF BONES??????????????
#why is everyone 16????????????????????#they are too young to be going thru it like this😭😭😭#like when i read this when i was like 10 i was like wow they are mature#now its like.....oh they just like me fr#im actually older than some of them now which is crazy??????????????? tf you mean im older than tessa when she first arrives in london??????#bye#the shadowhunter chronicles#the infernal devices#the mortal instruments#clary fairchild#clary fray#clary morgenstern
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here's some tidbits from the Laughingstock Misunderstanding fic outline, just 'cause i got mild amusement outta them and thought y'all might too <3
#THESE AREN'T BLURRY I SWEAR TUMBLR JUST KILLS THE QUALITY TILL YA CLICK ON EM#hopefully it provides some Entertainment during this dry spell. this Drought#im slowly chipping away at the outline whenever the Feels hit me#it... amuses me#i am both the king and the jester in my court#but no fr the funniest part of this lil plot To Me#is how frank/julie/poppy have no clue about the drama thats been going on in their tiny neighborhood#like... literally everyone else is so Involved#poppy: oh howdy seemed so mellow this morning i wonder whats wrong#frank: yes... come to think of it i havent been bothered by barnaby in a while#julie: well that just doesnt sound like either of them!#and then they all hum and sip tea and change the conversation topic#absolutely unprompted#outlining my beloved....#its writing without having to write. diet writing#and room to throw in memes to my hearts content#so that i can have a Chuckle while i go through the arduous torture of actually writing <3#mannnnnn i wanna write this fic so bad#i will get there i will get there Eventually#for now it will live in my brain in my tags in my outline
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life went forward and the world moved on but I never got over among us (2018)
#but no one:(( will play it:(( with me:((#i miss amogus with my ex best friend and all her friends#she was just like me fr she loved introducing all her friends to each other its another reason i loved her so much#and why i struggled so much when my high school best friend started making friends outside of me who didnt like me#one of them even gave me this long ass lecture on KAVYA YOU DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS YOU KNOW#oh and you cAnt jUst Ask pEoPle tO bE yOuR fRiEnd (jokes on her we're friends now. kind of ive been ghosting her for a while but not the po#Int 💀)#and look i learned that. sort of. but i still struggle with it sometimes#like at least with my best friends i always wanted to know about and be involved with everyone in their lives you know#which ive realized now is not practical#but im still this hopeless romantic who wants to be friends with all my friends friends and all my friends to be friends#even if i barely have the energy for it anymore. i guess losing her drilled that in#also another thing i realized is. its good to keep your friends separate sometimes because if the chain breaks you dont lose a whole system#which wasnt even a point of consideration for me back then because like i said. hopeless romantic. why would we ever fall out#but yeah it was hard having to accept that sometimes the whole world doesnt want to be friends. and people are allowed to dislike each othe#shocking i know#anyway what am i even talking about how did i get here#girlblogging.pdf
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me: ahaaha pshh i'd never have kids :/
Also me: what if i adopted all of my friends and mutuals
spamming tags tag spam story time shoopy lore
#its very different fr fr#me and my wife actively talk about how#i have a really really hard time interacting with#lil kids#theyre just like 'HEY do you like fairy godmothers'#and im like 'y yeah...'#and theyre like 'YEAAAah'#but we also have a joke that one of my long time friends#about eight years now#is our daughter bc she's two years younger LMAO#i just think its funny#annnd uhh ig i don't mind being a bis sister figure in some senses#i like giving advice and helping ppl and stuff#but also sometimes im just like 'oh yeah. anarchy is the solution.'#and i stand by that#be gay do crimes#*big#boopshoopsramblings
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they could not have chosen ANY MORE different games to make this point
#snap chats#IM CRYING THO 1.) KIRBY AND KIRYU IN THE SAME PICTURE YIPPEEEEE#2.) I JUST SNORTED BEING REMINDED OF THE TIME I SPECIFICALLY REFERENCE KIRBY BEING ANGRIER#IN RESPONSE TO THAT ONE ASK MASU SENT ABOUT SAWASHIRO#AND HOW HE WAS PORTRAYED MORE AGGRESSIVELY IN THE STATES LIKE JAER JERLKAJ#also omg y3... hi lovr...#idc i love the Unreasoanbly Edgy USification of box art it appeals to the shadow the hedgehog lover in me#oh yeah. also. i got here in the first place cause my desperate ass WAS looking up how much itd cost to buy physical discs#and i stumbled on the jp box art of y7 and its so fuckin funny but like i also get it but also lol#CAUSE YK ON THE ART YOUVE GOT NANBA/ARAKAWA/SAWASHIRO LIKE. SPECIFICALLY FRAMED YEAH#on one hand i get it from the approach of 'oh hey you guys know these actors right check it'#and then theres also the approach of 'these three characters will cause SOME form of major conflict for ichi'#BUT ITS JSUT SO FUNNY LIKE nanba so tf are you doing there. come back here.#like at least for most of the game arakawa's suspicious but nanba chills with us for like. ok only like four chapters BUT STILL#the cover also makes me laugh cause of arakawa cause like. Perpetual Peepaw Syndrome IM SORRY HE JUST LOOKS CUTE#like pops you are not fooling anyone.. you cannot intimidate me im sorry.... ily...#funny as hell...#ok im gonna try drawing now fr bye#i hope my bitchass friend gets back to me soon i wanna play y3 on stream so bad...#i could try from my laptop but its SOOO slow. like its consistent but its like playing in slow motion#so id prefer to see if i could play it on my ps4 and then use my capture card to stream it to computer yk..#ok im rambling again BYE
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thing i drew on one of my schools ipads instead of working on my actual art project 👍
#i hate procreate so much how does anyone use this#i feel like this is super jank in part cuz of that but Oh Well#scribbles#furry tag#help this has been in my drafts fr like two weeks now#oops#aforementioned project is allllmostttt done but also its literally the last week of school#im two whole projects behind btw 💀#to be fair this ones really far out of my comfort zone nd our teacher loves making us work on the biggest possible canvases#so its like adding even more to how long its been taking me ( i put off starting it for like a whole week cuz i couldnt come up w anything)#i can maybe probbaly just do the watercolor project at home nd the oil pastels one should be fast im pretty good w them#shes letting ppl go much smaller with it too cuz she just wants ppl to finish stuff up already XD
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My thoughts will follow you
#ariart#omori#tw beheading#i think??? i dunno how to do tw but that sure looks like a beheading to me#well... her head is still there its just... detached#omori mari#i was supposed to be sleeping alrdy but i got hit with an inspo after i saw someone#drew mari with a halo-like rope and i was like: oh thats a great idea actually#and i wanted to make mine like... horror-ish. this is mostly a doodle tho#cuz i just wanna get my idea out there so i just went fuck it we ball and drew wtv#time to fr sleep now its like... 9 am...#also like i just noticed that cuz of the way i drew the other half of her body#it lools like she just fused with a tree and like-- i didnt intend that one at all--
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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https://youtu.be/GnndBPn77zM
So this is going straight the fuck away in like ten minutes but i made a chase brody inspired short film for a project i was assigned(im a film student) and i just thought it might be nice to share that with the communuty that inspired it, right?
Its nothing special, just me experimenting with filmaking elements and attempting a one-man-crew project just to strengthen my skills(cinematography, lighting, scripting, location recce, pre-production paperwork etc) so thats all to say the moment you start cringing click the fuck away please thank you
#please i beg of you dont say anything mean about it because the more time goes on the less and less i like it#im putting it here because i finnished the final edit today and im shoving it up before i have the chance to hate it too badly#also my face my face i dont like putting my face in this place i dont like violating my privacy like this too often so dont focus on my#face please thank you id apreciate a lack of speculation about me personally#my anxiety is going through the roof fr right now please be good to me#also yes my nose is huge and my face is a bit of a travesty its true#kinda wish id done my hair better on the days i filmed this#oh well#hopefully 5000 FUCKING POUND STERLING WORTH OF FILMING EQUIPMENT PAID OFF HUH#5000 POUNDS WORTH JUST SITTING WITH ME ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND RIPE FOR A MUGGING#jacksepticeye#chase brody kids#chase brody#fan film
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i guess Eddie is just a gay as fuck name. who would'a thunk
#1st we have eddie diaz from 911#then eddie munson from stranger things#and now eddie dear from welcome home#the only reason im not including nygma from gotham(fox) is because he went by ed.#but. oh my fucking god its four isnt it. four queer-coded eddies. a queer quartet. FUCK LMFAO-#(and yes. yes i know eddie is canon not coded. However he technically fits and the others arent canon so Sh. shshshshs hush)#stg next time a character is named 'eddie' in whatever i watch/read#im Immediately gonna be side-eyeing them. I Know What You Are.#scribble salad#absolutely unprompted#im getting way too attached to eddie dear tho#i just know something bad is gonna happen to him#if it Hasnt Already yk#and after what happened to munson... idk if i can take it#(jk i can. my favorites always die so i go into enjoying a character Expecting Their Death)#its just... dear is just like me fr (blatantly lying)#i just sympathize with him real hard. having memory issues sucks ass!!!#and i lowkey hope that plays into a big part of his personal horror! bc it Is scary! very fuckin scary!#anyway three queer-coded eddies. lets goooooo#*four. fuck. sorry.#i cant believe its four eds....
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keep seeing ship hate on twitter and I'm actively hiding my alabaster ships in a box because they would EAT ME ALIVE if they saw me shipping him with percy 💀
#also maybe w annabeth and jason#i dont think theyd give a shit about me shipping him with ethan and chris#they probably dont even KNOW who he is#i can see it now#“did they even meet”#“but he hates percy”#“but percabeth”#me when i ignore canon as a profession#sure al hates percy but its KINDA gay to hate someone THAT much are we sure its not just internalized homophobia#im joking#mostly#he doesnt know shit about percy and thats why he hates him so much💀#like he hates percy bc he sees percy as the root of his issues because he HASNT REALIZED THAT ITS KRONOS#he thinks percy is some big bad when hes fr just a guy#sorry i did not mean to ramble about them in the tags HELP#oh i could go ON about percybaster and how their dynamic and relationship could work tbh#alabaster torrington#pjo#pjo twt#moral of the story here#LET PEOPLE SHIP WHAT THEY WANT🗣‼️#as long as its legal :)#if you dont like it ignore it its not gonna hurt you#theyre fictional characters i promise the art/fic/media isnt going to show up in ur room and eat u#or try and rob you#its just a ship
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i can never get over roses symbolizing secrets kept in mondstadt
#handing someone a rose in mondstadt except it means you know their secret/secrets if its a bouquet#and the fact they have to be imported bc they dont grow in mond#how important are those secrets???#ouuughj#oh also kaebedo lovers albedo using alchemy to make kaeya a rose and kaeya pretends to go by the love definition and play it off#even when they both know it means i know youre just like me fr#i dont even like them that much but its come to me so now you have it#kaebedo#anyway roses in mond....hnjnng#lisa is the witch of the purple rose also#what secrets does she have????#her entire theme is more rose than noelle
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#another vent post cause i just fucking hate my life lol&lmao#that's it actually. cant even sh since im singing tomorrow and my arms will be on display 🤡#frankly the sole thought of getting up on that stage is making me wanna throw up#i dont want people to fucking look at me. i hate my body so much its making me physically nauseous. that last tHeRaPy only made it worse lo#i really really really dont wanna be alive rn and i dont want to have to keep talking to people like jesus fucking christ leave me alone#this whole fucking uni experience ruined me as a person lol like it wasnt great before but i really feel like im actually worse now#and there's no way out and tbh i dont even want a way out i just want everyone to let me be and to stop expecting shit from me#also if i have to hear about one more man who's obsessed with her and is flirting with her because she's so perfect in every way#im gonna snap like fr. why do i ever even open up to her lol every time the outcome is the exact same. we end up talking about her#everything is always about her.#i hate everything about this whole situation. i hate my body i hate my life i hate the fact that i no longer feel like it's even fully mine#because now im my mother's 'only reason to live' so i cant even really calm myself by fantasizing about suicide lol because im not Allowed#everyone's already fed up with my bullshit. me most of all. god i fucking despise having to live like this. there's nothing i want more rn#than to just like. not only stop existing but to never have existed at all.#im not fucking doing okay at all and im so tired of this everyday stupid fucking game#like to be hit with a 'oh you're such an open book one can always see when you're upset' right after i just had a panic attack#babygirl. do you know how many times i was highkey suicidal going through a mental breakdown literally dissociating right in front of you#while you were yapping on about how uwu teehee quirky and Not Like Other Girls you are and how everyone's obsessed with you#like my god you always have to be Better dont you. one-upping everyone but me especially. the fact that you dare assume you're the only one#with a traumatic childhood and abusive parents and you get to downplay my experiences just because *i* dont fucking tell you#about what my mother said and did and because she 'seems so nice and cool' is fucking vile. fucking trauma olympics.#the fact that SHE's the one telling ME im toxic is crazy. like yeah at least im aware of that. guess fucking what though#idk why i do this. why i just stand there and take it and never bite back. its cause its always said in a fucking joky manner#and saying anything would be ruining the mood ig. anyway this is not about her. its about how much i hate everything about my body#to the point where i just dont wanna leave the house cause i dont want other people to see me cause its making me more and more insane#there is something so fucking wrong with me and its unfixable at this point. my life is not mine but its still my responsibility. wtf.#also i dont feel like a woman at all. i want to. desperately. but i feel like i dont deserve to call myself one because of how my body look
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it’s finally getting cold enough that i can bring my cardigan collection back into rotation without feeling like i’m gonna melt into a puddle the second i step outside!!!
#Seven.txt#my face#i have rematerialized back out of the void to once again make my once-in-a-blue-moon selfie & life update post#i’m running on 4 hours of restless sleep and the single banana i ate for lunch earlier today. let’s do this#hrrrrg i hate the lighting in my bathroom but i refuse to take pictures in the absolute Mental Illness Disaster Zone™️ that is my bedroom#anyways. got diagnosed with Mystery Pain Syndrome at the dentist today. so now i take ✨steroids✨#the less funny explanation is that my tooth still hurts with pressure nearly a month post-root canal and That’s Not Good#so we’re trying some new medications to see if that fixes it. and if not then who knows. root canal pt.2 the sequel. or extraction. sigh#and so the Dental Saga continues. todays visit went quite well in spite of the unforeseen mystery pain delaying the tooth-shaving plans#we had some time to kill so he managed to fill some of my other tiny cavities while i was there today so that’s good#okay moving on. what else. uhh. OH they finally came out and ran the fiber to the house last week!!! now i’m just waiting on one more-#-guy to come and finish the interior install and the long awaited fast internet will finally be mine eheheheheeeee#now i can feel my hours upon hours of unedited gameplay footage breathing down my neck :)#man i’ve got so much stuff piled up right now. i’m drowning in Tasks and it’s a lil overwhelming but i’ll handle it all! eventually#uhhhhm my current writing project is coming along well! i’ve never put so much time and effort into a oneshot before in my life#its a labor of love though and i think i’m gonna be really proud of myself (and the fic) once it’s complete#even if no one reads it bc it’s so goddamn self indulgent and kinda lowkey throws canon out the window but like. fuck it!#if i want Astarion to write a song on piano and perform it for me while mentally taking me on a trip down memory lane. then so be it#fr though i’ve never written anything quite like this and i rlly want to do it justice. even if its unrealistic i still want it to be Good#in other news i received word that one of the chickens i sponsor at my local Gentle Barn has passed away so i had a lil cry abt that#i feel so bad for his little tiny chicken wife. they obviously loved each other and it’s like. so sad when one half of an old couple dies#like. she pulled him out of his depression after his 1st wife died. now who’s gonna be there to pull Her out…#anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!!#after that huge stray dog chased her into the woods i thought we’d never find or see her again#but then the morning after i started grieving her she showed back up hungry as hell yet completely unharmed like the enigma that she is#so that’s one definite highlight from earlier this month. uhh what else. rapid fire summary of the past few weeks let’s go-#Jersey turned 10! Bullet turned 10! my 6 year Veganniversary happened! i’m approaching 700 days on DuoLingo!#i’ve written more than 20 thousand words! i’ve been facing some fears! fighting my OCD! taking care of myself! (kinda!)#anyways things are far from being all sunshine and roses around here but i’m trying to focus on the good stuff for the most part#for now tho i have a headache and have reached 30 tags so it’s time to go shovel some mashed potatoes into my mouth :)
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…
Shoutout to the person who apparently thought it would be fun to start pride month by telling a bunch of people in our program and me that a close friend’s ex (both he and his ex are also in the program) thinks he and I are fucking and have been since before they broke up and trying to get everyone to talk about it & weigh in.
#if it’s not obvious from the post we super aren’t and it’s super not even on the table#we literally. like I don’t think our sexualities even overlap in a way where that could even theoretically be happening.#i have specifically avoided any kind of dating/situationship with anyone in my program bc of how messy it gets#so the fact that other (also queer!!) people are still somehow pulling me into the mess and spreading shit is just 🙃#friend in question and I are also working on a massive project rn that is like genuinely a career-changing opportunity if it goes well#and like. literally bc we’re working together and friends. apparently we must be fucking.#and I’m now genuinely terrified they’re gonna hurt the opportunities I’m trying to get in the next year bc of BS beyond my control#and that no matter how well this project turns out it literally won’t matter bc it’s gonna get overshadowed#by the rumors of oh those two started fucking while working on this and that’s why [redacted] and his gf broke up#like. fr. are we in high school. are we 14#love being the bad guy for *checks notes*…having a close friend???#we are grown ass adults and still these two people are like oh AMAB & AFAB person who are close?? must be fucking.#AND ITS LITERALLY OTHER QUEER PEOPLE STARTING THIS SHIT LIKE WTF DO BETTER#it speaks
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#HELPP ok i have thoughts.my thinking cap back on#LOVEE the ending as far as the actual direction goes yk.like people seeing (literally) the pain&plight of plants#and vowing to protect and look after them w utmost care#loved that knives technically survived the fall and the aftermath esp in recruiting someone to care for vash#BUTTT i dont know how i feel ab his death ;___; the symbolism w the apple tree and him using the last of his energy is sweet#and i dont think i would dislike it necessarily if we just had more time#to marinate in his story.i think... the ending does not give u a lot of time to reach the full conclusion#i think that theres a whole side to his story i WISHH nightow explored and i wish we had seen knives turmoil and vashs acceptance of his#experiences more than the select few scenes we got beforehand. its soo rushed T_T DONT GET ME WRONG im still more or less satisfied that#we didnt get an ending like.. oh everyones dead and miserable and vash killed knives and ppl never learn to coexist right#like it could actually be so thematically worse BUTT im just like. THATS ITTT??? THATS ALL..sitting here twiddling my thumbs#waiting for a complete resolution thatll never come to be.and it sucks bc i wish i could look towards stampede to get that neat wrap up#but stampede completely altered knives' story and fell into the nasty horrid pittrap of aligning him with reprehensible values#so no conclusion of theres will ever touch on max!knives' conclusion and i think that is the thing im looking 4 the most#no conclusion of theirs* sry LAWL#also read some posts (by trigum LUVV ur analyses btw i need to rb some now that i finished) that the max ending#doesnt give vash an ACTUAL ending. we reach the climax in his confrontation with legato and then his commitment to save knives#but anything beyond that just doesnt exist. MY GODD imagining a reality where we got like 5 more chapters at LEAST to#give it a hearty ending#anyways. the reporter bit is so cute im bummed they went straight to that in stamp :sob: best like... cute ending fr#trigun spoilers#trigun maximum#trigun#vash
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