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ayakashiz · 2 months

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Alien Stage R6 Analysis

VERY LONG compilation of my interpretations, impressions and unanswered questions about Round 6 of Alien Stage. I just wanted to write this to put all my thoughts in one place so I can finally rest (in pieces). TW for mentions of suic*de/suic*dal ideation.

The most debated is no doubt the kiss/choking scene and Ivan’s motivation for doing so in the first place.

I think from the very beginning, even before R3, Ivan was planning to go out with a bang. That’s the immediate impression I got from the comic where he mocks/criticizes Sua for planning to “selfishly” die for Mizi and feel good being the “heroine” rather than having to deal with the trauma of being the one left behind.

(I'm too lazy to edit the whole translation as of now, but might do so when I have more time.)

Ivan tells her how he’s “relieved that he’s not the only who’s that twisted” = He’s comparing himself to Sua. He thinks they’re both ‘twisted’ for planning to do the same thing, but from Ivan’s perspective, he at least isn’t fooling himself into thinking his motives are altruistic. He tasted the feeling of being ‘abandoned’, and he knows he doesn’t want to experience it twice.

He also probably thought that his death wouldn’t be as impactful on Till as Sua’s death on Mizi, and therefore his own selfishness is more justified in his mind. This most likely plays a role in how cold and biting his words are towards Sua –he’s jealous of that difference between them.

I hadn’t noticed this detail the first time I watched the video: Not only did Till look absolutely miserable and defeated from the get go, but he completely gave up and stopped singing at some point. If you look at the video, we can hear the audio that was supposed to be sung, but Till is quiet and still, and THIS is the moment Ivan chooses to act.

Although they do not show the votes at that particular moment, stopping mid song would have definitely taken a hit to Till’s score as it’s basically forfeiting –a huge contrast to his previous match where he didn’t even let his opponent utter a single line.

In response, Ivan doesn’t just walk towards him but throws his microphone to the ground, explicitly forfeiting as well in order to then pull a drastic move like it was foreshadowed in his interview.

The kiss itself imo was the less calculated/arguably unplanned part. He could have just choked Till from the start and it would have gotten him the same if not better results (since it was the act of violence against another contestant that ultimately lowered his score and got the counter to stop).

That kiss was authentic and for himself entirely, both as a last desperate attempt at conveying his feelings and a selfish way of leaving a strong impression on Till that he wouldn’t be able to forget (a hypocritical move going back to how he criticized Sua). In that sense, I don’t think Ivan was seriously trying to take Till down with him –although that’s up to interpretation. As I see it, that would contradict his actions up until that point.

Till was VERY CLEARLY suic*dal (once again, he gave up singing), and after the initial shock of Ivan squeezing his neck, this fiery, rebellious man who is KNOWN to fight tooth and nail, simply closed his eyes and relaxed his body, waiting for Ivan to end him without fighting at all.

The thing is, no matter how suic*dal one may be, the fighting response when being actually suffocated is automatic and completely involuntary. People mention there not being marks on Till’s neck but I think the most telling sign is him not going red, not squirming, not struggling or holding onto Ivan’s wrists (again, expected involuntary responses), his eyes not watering or having blurry vision while we see Ivan from his POV, not opening his mouth even a little to gasp for air and not coughing or gasping either when he was finally released.

Ivan definitely had him in a strong grip, might have even made him a bit lightheaded, but the reason why Till could look so relaxed in the first place is because he had given up and was waiting for Ivan to go ahead. If his closed eyes and limp posture were due to the choking itself, he would have fallen or stumbled when being let go, but we see that his eyes open as soon as he feels Ivan’s hands slipping away and he looks shocked instead.

So then what was Ivan’s motivation, if not to kill him? Yes, there’s the already discussed plan to get himself disqualified. But Ivan glances at the screen only a few seconds after he starts the choking, confirming that the voting had in fact stopped with Till having the higher score. He then goes for one last ‘goodbye’ kiss before continuing to choke him, holding his grip even as he starts getting shot.

We see a closeup of him, his eyes and hands trembling, looking more frustrated/emotional than in Till’s first POV where he looks rather stoic. It makes me think that the reason he refused to let go was simply because he wanted Till to look at him.

They strongly imply throughout the whole video that being annoying or mean or violent was the only way Ivan learnt how to make Till focus his full attention on him, but now even as he’s threatening his life, even as he himself is dying, even after that kiss, Till wouldn’t look.

It took him getting fatally wounded and realizing there was no turning back to reach a state of acceptance. His bittersweet expression here reminds me A LOT of his smile after Till runs back during the meteor scene, although this one seems a lot more tender. He seems to accept the fact that Till will never love him back, but Ivan cannot stop loving him anyways and he at least got to put his feelings out there.

(The parallels here are driving me insane. The way there is light in his eyes in both instances as he looks at Till even while 'losing him' in a way. The struggle between wanting to posses him yet realizing his free spirit/strong will is part of what he loves about him. That last genuine gaze from a character who spent his whole life putting on a mask. Yes I am very normal about this.)

Until then, Ivan’s more tender/vulnerable side is only shown while Till is unconscious or looking away.

(That soft, loving nuzzle to Till's face has me in SHAMBLES.)

But ironically, it’s only when he releases him and shows him this vulnerability without a mask that Till really looks at him for the first time. I’d go as far as to say that it was this moment, and not the kiss, that finally made Till understand Ivan’s feelings. And in turn Ivan gets that little shot of euphoria as he falls to the ground.

Going back to the survivor’s guilt… I can only imagine it’ll go completely downhill for Till from now on. Not only does he already think Mizi might be dead and is angry at himself that he couldn’t save her (as seen in the shot where he punches his own picture), but now he has most likely realized that Ivan intentionally fumbled their match for his sake –which would lead to the realization that he was the reason why Ivan chose to run back to Anakt Garden after him in the first place, and that choice ultimately lead to his death.

Even though we see them fighting a lot as children through the videos and comics, it’s also implied that they were always together and they shared some quiet moments –the “Mizi didn’t play with you, I played with you” art, all that art of the main 4 playing together, those bright smiles as they ran away together during the meteor shower scene and Till looking so guilty when he let go of his hand.

There are a few cute doodles of them for those who are on Patreon, and some more lore in the Anakt Garden kit –so they were at the very least friends in their own way (as best as 2 very traumatized and abused children could), constantly fighting and making up. Which God… it shows that despite appearances Till must have actually had the patience of a saint when they were little lmao.

But what I’m trying to say is that despite what Ivan may have thought, his death will most definitely have an impact on Till and the narrative going forward, and I’m excited to find out how that reflects in the final round (if the resistance doesn’t manage to get back up in time to disrupt it).

Despite how much I adored (and SUFFERED WITH) this round, I still have MANY questions that were left unanswered, both about Ivan and Till, and the lore in general, and I wonder if there’ll be time to answer them all, as I can imagine the next MV will be focused on Luka’s perspective, the only one we haven’t been presented with.

One of the most pressing questions being: What’s the relationship between Ivan and that alien dog? Did he tame it? It is implied that it was Ivan who somehow led Till and Mizi to it in the first place in that one scene, and if so I wonder what his motivation was? Normally jealousy would be the first thing to come to mind but Ivan wasn’t interested in Till until AFTER he saw him stand up to the beast to protect Mizi, so it couldn’t have been that.

This is something that was also teased on Patreon and I was looking forward to the explanation on the MV, but it never came, and now Ivan is dead, so the next video will most likely not be too concerned with his backstory any longer. (Which, also, I was really curious about his life in the slums before being captured, auctioned and brought to Anakt, as that would have played a huge role in his twisted personality/dark tendencies –once again teased on Patreon very briefly, but not explained beyond that frame of him looking famished.)

The second is, how is Ivan able to open Till’s collar/muzzle so easily? This is a question I’ve been having since R3, but chalked it up to Ivan being sneaky and figuring out some kind of code to the cell door and that somehow automatically deactivating the locks on the restraints… or something. But with how many times he does it in R6 with just a touch it’s very clear that that isn’t the case and also imo they’re trying to point this out as a significant detail.

It may turn out that I’m just looking too much into it, but I find it really curious and interesting. Not only is he the only child without a collar (Mizi and Sua still had them despite being just as well behaved as him), but he seems to be the only one able to take them off –or at least Till’s. I’m pretty sure the children wouldn’t normally be able to remove them by themselves as it seems to be a control mechanism. So how can Ivan? This might explain a lot about how they were able to escape, and also add a layer of tragedy knowing that Ivan could have chosen to escape by himself at any point, but refused to leave Till behind.

Last but not least there’s all the human experimentation Till was subjected to, which was the main topic of the teaser and we see the same images show up in the very beginning of the MV. They help emphasize Till’s suffering and distressed state of mind, but then they’re never expanded on or mentioned at all for the rest of the video. That’s a huge piece of lore that I also hope isn’t forgotten.

I mean, I really doubt it will. So far VIVINOS & co. have been incredible with their ability to hold back information and release it at the moment where it’s the most impactful, which is refreshing to see. So I trust we’ll get some answers eventually.

Really curious to know why they would experiment on an ALNST contestant in the first place, especially one that is undoubtedly talented and described as a musical genius (aka. has good odds of doing well on stage and earning the segyein revenue). A very plausible theory might just be that he was just getting constantly drugged to make him less of a threat/more submissive –like we see on the karaoke room scene. But it might as well be something bigger.

As for my expectations for the next round… I’m still just trying to process this one, as you can see by the sheer amount of text. There are many things left to address, and the Hyuna/Luka confrontation has been strongly teased. I wonder also, if the round goes on without interruption, what would Luka’s strategy against Till be? Would he go for provocation again, trying to imitate Mizi/hint to his recent trauma with Ivan? It probably won’t be that simple.

I mean, VIVINOS has been known for subverting our expectations with each round:

The ominous/callous framing that was given to Ivan by the end of Black Sorrow and the art that followed, making us suspicious of his intentions, only to have him die for love. The lifeless/doll-like framing given to Luka, vulnerable and cornered by flashing lights, only to have him be the cruelest/most calculating one (that we know so far). The rebellious, rowdy, willing to do anything to survive framing given to Till, only to have his fighting spirit completely break and willingly waiting to die by Ivan’s hands. The naive, complacent and passive image given to Mizi, only to have her snap, beat the shit out of Luka and join the rebellion –and with how things are going (and her being the protagonist) I wouldn’t be surprised if she, and not Hyuna (the one who was framed as the most strong and reliable, giving us a false sense of security going into R6), is who will have to try and rescue Till (and Luka???).

There are still a ton of things that keep me awake at night about R6 –my favorite character dying aside. I could talk about it forever, but I’ll leave it here.

Feel free to share your theories, delusions, interpretations or any detail I might have missed with me. God knows we need group therapy after this as the cute chibi keychains can only heal us so far. Thanks for reading my rambles if you made it this far. :’)

#alien stage #alnst #에이스테 #ivantill #vivinos #ivan alnst #till alnst #im GOING INSANE idk if you can tell... hahah #the only reason i didn't flood this with more videos and pictures is cause tumblr gave me a limit of 30 :')

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beomie3 · 10 months

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shoong! - choi yeonjun

pairing: boyfriend idol! yeonjun x fem!reader

summary: an upcoming dance challenge video with one of yeonjun’s role models has him nervous, overworking himself with the tricky choreo. but you’re by his side, there to relax him in more ways than one ;)

wc: 3.9k

warnings: smut, cursing, heavy make out, oral (both giving/receiving), unprotected sex, yeonjun is down bad (so are you), also tons of fluff too!<3

title track: shoong! - taeyang

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

"stop! start again," the choreographer's voice echoes throughout the dance studio for the tenth time tonight, biting your nails as you watch yeonjun hang his head in frustration.

his black tank top was beginning to pool with sweat, occasionally lifting it to wipe his forehead as beads formed near his hairline. to say he was tired was an understatement.

after practicing all day for an upcoming tour, he also had to master a solo dance for a challenge video promotion he would be filming soon. you could practically feel his exhaustion from afar when he shot you a tired glance.

you lifted your fist in a "fighting" gesture, being the only form of support fueling him. because right now, the choreographer was on his case and it angered you, if you were being completely honest. you wished she would tone it down a bit. but yeonjun found her harsh orders a helpful form of guidance, always pushing himself to the extreme.

the choreographer cued the music and it began echoing throughout the mirrored studio, the only sound booming other than yeonjun's sneakers squeaking onto the wood floor and her shouting down from five.

he began to move fluidly with the music like he was one with it, moving his hips and arms and legs perfectly, even better than what the choreography called for. he was the best dancer you'd ever seen, and damn was he passionate in what he did.

the song came to its end and he had to lay on the cold, wood floor for a moment to catch his breath, standing up immediately when the choreographer approached him.

"great, now with better visuals." she almost scolded him, noticeably bringing him down with her backhanded compliment. more visuals? but lady, he is the visual. it took everything in you to restrain yourself from walking over there and saying just that. but doing that will probably do more bad than good, ultimately having to painfully retract yourself.

you furrowed your brows, fingernails aching as you watched your boyfriend get into position again, somehow mustering a natural and sultry smile as he did the dance over, body flowing perfectly with the deep bass of the song.

your heart ached for him, already thinking of all the ways you would take care of him after he was done practicing, wanting to give him all the love and care in the world after getting through such a physically draining day.

yeonjun doubled over after the song ended and the choreographer signaled he had "passed" with a few claps and a thumbs up from the staff room, dismissing him for the night as he chugged water and wiped sweat from his face.

he sluggishly made his way over to where you stood by the changing room, melting into your arms as soon as he reached you. it felt as he had just gone for a swim, damp from head to toe with sweat.

"you're gonna kill it tomorrow with taeyang," you assured him, gently rubbing his wet back as he breathed you in. you knew yeonjun was nervous for this, he had worked his ass off perfecting the choreo because he always looked up to taeyang even since his trainee days. and now, he was going to film a promo with him, how surreal.

"i know," he whispered into your hair, the small smile on his face obvious because of his tone. you looked up at his flushed face, plump lips tugged into a sweet open-mouthed smile as he still caught his breath, running a hand through his dark, wet locks.

"c'mon, let's go home," you patted his hip and he nodded sluggishly, quickly slipping on the fresh hoodie you brought him before wrapping an arm around you, exiting the dance studio together.

once you returned to your apartment, you ran junie a shower like you always did after a long, hard practice; either joining him to wash up or staying back in the kitchen to make him his favorite soup while he showered.

today, you made his soup faster than usual, leaving it covered on the stove to retain its warmth while you went to go check on him in the shower.

steam escaped the bathroom as you opened the door, knocking on its wooden frame to advise him you were entering. his head poked out from the shower curtain, black hair slicked back from the water; a heavy glint of worry in his eyes, lips slightly downturned. baby :(

you felt a pang at your heart, immediately entering the steaming room and wrapping your arms around his wet body from where you stood, not caring that you were still fully clothed. you could sense that look from a mile away; he just wanted to be held. to be told everything will be okay.

"i'm just...really worried about tomorrow. what if i mess up? i can't do that in front of taeyang, i just can't." his voice was frail and he sunk his face into your neck and sighed, melting into you as your shirt quickly became soaked from his wet head of hair.

"yeonjun, you're the best dancer i've ever known. the best person i've ever known. you'll do amazing. you are amazing." you lightly massaged his shoulder with your palms, feeling him melt deeper into the hug. his face softened at your kind words, but he still struggled to even fake a smile.

"get in with me?" he didn't even let you respond before he was pulling you in, helping your clothes off and throwing them off next to his on the bathroom floor. he hugged you even tighter now, both of you silent under the running water, just holding him there as he breathed you in, sighing as you stroked his damp hair.

"it's all going to be okay," you whispered into his skin, gently pressing loving kisses to his neck. you wanted to relax him, give him all of your physical affection to remind him of just how much you love him. to calm his nerves before the big day tomorrow which you knew he sure as hell would kill.

trailing your kisses up his neck, under his jaw, and meeting your lips with his pillowy ones, he kissed you back softly.

"don't worry junie." you whispered against his plush lips. this was what he needed; your kisses and your reassurance. the warmth of your body pressed to his in a tight embrace. like you were an angel, coming to save him of all of the harshness of the world.

"it'll all be okay," you trailed your fingers to the tops of his shoulders, lightly rubbing the sore muscles while pressing tender kisses to his collarbones, sensing him lean his head back to the shower wall, relaxing under your touch.

you gently squeezed the muscles of his arms all the way down to his hands, following with the trail of your lips across his chest, working your way down to his lower stomach, where his abdomen slightly tensed in sensitivity. you knelt in front of him, looking up at him with kind eyes, and he looked down at you with a half-lidded gaze, neediness clearly present.

"just relax," you smiled up at him, and he gave you a small nod, the corner of his lip slightly upturned and sucked between his teeth, savoring your delicious touch. his member had already grown helplessly erect since you first started showering his neck in gentle kisses; pressed flush against his stomach and just waiting for your magical touch.

you gently trailed your fingers over his flushed tip, deriving a small shudder from your boyfriend as he leaned back onto the shower wall, eyes closed, just enjoying the moment. you took his heavy hardness into your hand, gently stroking him, kitten-licking the pre-cum off of his tip just the way he needed it.

he sucked air between his teeth at the sensation of your warm tongue on his sensitive tip, a low moan escaping his lips when you licked up and down his length, swirling your tongue on the sensitive skin. you were just too good.

his hand fell to your hair, tangling his fingers between the wet locks as you took him entirely into your mouth, tip hitting the back of your throat and slightly making you gag, the feeling fucking fantastic to him.

the way you looked up at him with tears pooling in your eyes from sucking him off so good made all worries flee his head immediately, only thing he could do was watch you, enjoying the insane pleasure you gave him.

his groans grew louder, echoing throughout the bathroom, spewing your name as you quickened your pace, doing everything so perfectly he could just bust at any moment. the way you trailed your fingers up and down his thighs, tracing his hip bones and running them across his abs had him going insane, pleasure through the roof as he released a loud moan, back arching against the shower wall.

"you're so good baby," his voice was low, tongue emerging to wet his lips as you began stroking and sucking simultaneously, getting a good rhythm going before he was a moaning mess, bucking his hips into your hand, rutting himself deeper into your mouth.

"i'm so so close," he pressed his head back onto the wall, slightly pulling at your hair, still gentle with you. but when you quickly flicked your tongue on his tip, it was over; inviting hot cum to shoot all over your mouth, licking your lips clean of it.

he huffed out of breath, eyes half open as he gave you a lazy grin, fucked out of his mind. helping you to your feet as you hugged his waist, he pressed kisses to the crown of your wet hair. the sound of his chuckle brought warmth to your heart; that's all you wanted, was to see your boyfriend happy and worry free.

"your soup is warm and waiting for you in the kitchen," you stroked his cheek, smiling when he placed a small kiss to your lips. he couldn't quite find the right words to thank you, so he pecked your lips repeatedly, holding you so tight. he even forgot exactly what he'd been stressing over, thanks to you. just knowing you'd be by his side tomorrow was all he needed.

and there he was again- next day in the studio, examining his outfit in front of the large mirrors, and you were too; checking out the beige, designer sweater he sported along with some baggy pants and black shoes. he was already absolutely killing it and taeyang had yet to arrive.

you noticed his slightly uneasy posture when he looked over at you, the hint of nervousness in his expression. you beckoned him over quickly.

jogging to over you when the staff weren't looking, you handed him a small napkin, holding the weight of his favorite cookie you had baked him this morning before you drove over to watch his big filming day.

he unraveled it, revealing the small sugar cookie with "yj fighting<3!!" piped onto it perfectly with baby blue frosting, bringing a blushing smile to his cheeks which he failed to hide with his other hand, finding it the cutest thing ever.

he slipped the cookie between his lips, smiling even bigger when the sweet flavor soothed his nerves. "you're the best," he praised your baking skills with a full mouth, chewing quickly and giving you a quick peck on the lips before running off to the dance floor when the choreographer emerged from the staff room.

the minutes went by of watching your boyfriend gain more and more confidence during his warm ups, rehearsing the song thoroughly before the arrival of the other idol.

you almost wanted to kick your feet at watching yeonjun's reaction to meeting taeyang; their interaction was professional yet so wholesome, bowing every second they could and you smiled, so happy to see your boyfriend enjoying himself with one of his role models. you were beyond proud of him, and you're sure many other moas felt the same.

after some small talk, it was time to begin filming, and you dialed in on yeonjun, praying that he would find his confidence through it all. and boy did he ever; moving so in tune with the music that he practically became it, mesmerizing you.

and damn was he sexy, moving his body carefully yet rhythmically with each beat, giving it his all when it came to his solo in front of the camera. he gave the camera a few winks and he looked over at you after each take, shooting you the same wink. you simply melted in your little spot by the changing room.

the sound of shoong! by taeyang was long engraved in your ears by now as it was probably the hundredth time hearing it over the span of two days. but you could never get tired of watching your man dance, eyes trailing his every slick move; every subtle rut and roll of his hips and flick of his tongue over his lips. feeling so lucky that such a man was yours.

you felt yourself slightly hold your breath during each take, fingers crossed that yeonjun would be happy with his performance and not too hard on himself, and every time he shot you a satisfied smile after each monitoring period, you brimmed with happiness, so glad he could see himself shine the same way you did.

after several hours of watching your boyfriend and taeyang dance professionally through the choreography countless times, getting takes with every angle possible, they said their goodbyes and he was dismissed for the night.

a large smile grew on junie's cute face as he ran over to you like an excited puppy, wrapping his arms around you tightly, nearly picking you up.

"see!! i knew you could do it! i'm so proud of you." your words simply meant the world to yeonjun, gazing into your sparkling eyes as you both brimmed with contentment. his love for you grew in this moment, wanting to repay you for being so amazing.

you weren't even halfway through the front door of your apartment before you had to come up for a breath amidst your heavy make out with yeonjun, his hands trailing everywhere imaginable on your body as you stumbled past the door.

shutting it with his foot, yeonjun scooped you up, wrapping your legs around his hips as he pressed you against the wall of the living room, decorating your neck with kisses and love bites.

"we deserve a little celebration don't we?" he mumbled already out of breath against your ear, and you nodded, basking in the excitement of the moment.

"you actually did so good junie," you kissed his neck softly as he carried you to the bedroom, hearing his small giggle as he set you down on the bed.

"only because of my #1 cheerleader," he leaned down, pressing his hips in between your legs and reuniting his lips with yours. the kisses were hot and passion-filled, making him begin to sweat even after all of the dancing he had done tonight.

he helped your shirt off of you, throwing it off to the side where your shoes were also kicked off, kissing a trail in between your breasts and down to your pants, undoing the button with a swift tug.

you could already feel wetness pooling in your underwear from the moment he was playing with the hem of your waistband in the taxi on the way home, occasionally slipping his pinky under and tickling the skin, hinting at you of what he wanted to do tonight.

and here you two were, not even home for three minutes and already a whimpering, moaning mess as you made out half naked on the bed, lips swollen from his nibbles as he lightly circled your clit through your panties.

you pulled his sweater off and threw it aside, running your fingers across his damp skin as he shivered, smirk widening against your lips. his lips ghosted down to your waistband, leaving a trail of kisses and goosebumps behind as he slowly peeled your underwear from your throbbing wetness, just begging to be touched by the handsome man in front of you.

teasing you with a few thigh kisses, he spread your legs far apart, hooking them under his elbows and then over his shoulders as he got a good look at you, licking his lips at how delicious you looked glistening in the dim lighting of the bedroom.

"thank you for being there for me, always," he flicked his eyes up at you with a warm smile, diving in between your legs before you could even say anything back but the moan that escaped your throat, arching your back at the sheer pleasure as he licked up and down your folds gratefully, savoring every bit of your essence.

yeonjun knew what the hell he was doing in many different aspects. in this one, he for sure knew how to make you scream his name and have you coming all over his face in a matter of minutes.

curling his fingers up to hit your jackpot, hot pleasure dispersing throughout your body, eyes rolling back as he fucked his fingers into you, flicking his tongue against your bundle of nerves deliciously.

one loud moan of his name and your legs were shaking on his shoulders, giving out when you rode out your wave of absolute pleasure, leaving your juices on his fingers which he licked clean.

he was quick to kiss you again while you caught your breath and recovered from the pulsations of your orgasm, helping him unbuckle his pants and dropping them to the floor; every vein visible on the imprint of his rock hard member through his underwear.

you were already soaking wet again when you helped him peel his underwear off of his hips; the sight of his dick springing out had your mouth practically watering again, just needing to lick off the bead of precum that formed at his tip.

but that was all he allowed you to do, wanting to take care of you this time, considering last night only he had finished and not you. in his eyes, you deserved to come even twenty times if you were up to it.

he took control, pressing you back down onto the bed as he kissed you, his warm member nudging against your stomach, so hard you just wanted to be stuffed full already.

taking your legs in either of his hands, he held them up in the air, tapping his tip against your entrance and then entering slowly to give you time to adjust, easing in so effortlessly due to how drenched you were.

he threw his head back at your warmth that engulfed him to no end, walls sucking him in perfectly. he threw your legs onto his shoulders so that they bent at the knees, hands on the plush of your hips to support each of his thrusts as he began to slowly and deeply pound into you, your moans echoing though the room with slaps of skin.

his hips snapped rhythmically against your own, which after all, yeonjun knew how to use his hips considering how amazing of a dancer he was; leaving you mesmerized with them more so after watching him dance tonight. and now you were getting to see him use them up close and personal, grinding skin to skin against you with every twitch inside of you, practically wanting to scream.

he fucked you slow and deep, then hard and fast; knowing exactly when to speed up or slow down. not to mention, he liked to switch positions frequently, flipping you so easily around like you were putty in his hands.

he had you on all fours now, ass in the air as he pounded into you from behind; doggy being the best angle to spank you in, because he knew you loved it.

"fuuuckkkk," he drew out his words, a groan in his throat as he watched your ass bounce back onto his thighs, kneading the plush of your skin with a firm grasp and slapping it gently.

you were already about to come again and he could sense it by the way you tightened around him, growing louder as he reached around to palm your breasts, fingers circling your sensitive nipples.

"jun-" you could only moan half of his name, chanting it over and over like a prayer, sheets messy with sweat and some drool as you buried your face into the pillows.

"wanna come on my cock y/n? yeah? give it to me." he spoke through gritted teeth, giving it to you so good you were on the brink of exploding.

you spasmed violently all over him, doing everything in his power not to finish quite yet; thrusting into you slower to let you catch you breath, gently turning your face with his fingers to kiss your lips, warm chest pressed to your back.

before you knew it, he flipped you over again, his body weight melting on top of you as his cock was still buried deep inside, subtly twitching as you fluttered around him. he went slow, kissing you in what felt like slow motion as he hit the deepest parts of you, splitting you open with each of his thrusts.

his face was flushed, even more than when he dances, eyes half-lidded and sultry and gazing deeply into yours, lips plump and dark middle part messy over his wet forehead. he was sexy as ever.

his hips stuttered and you decided you wanted to give him a break after doing all the hard work, maneuvering him so that he lay on his back, you on top.

he got a beautiful view from this angle, well, you each did. but he smiled, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he gently palmed your tits, trailing his fingers down your waist and over the plush or your ass.

you rode him steadily, watching his dick stretch you perfectly from where he was laying. you thought maybe you could last a little longer for him, but the moment his thumb rhythmically massaged your clit, it was over. there you were bouncing on him, getting yourself off to the friction of his tip against your g-spot and nearly crying at how amazing he felt.

sensing you were so close and tired, he began rutting his hips up and into you, fucking you so hard you were almost dizzy, fisting the sheets in your hands as he pulled them from you and interlaced your fingers with his instead.

"you're so fucking good," you moaned at the last second before he was finishing inside of you, the warmth spreading around your core and pushing you to the edge as well as you collapsed to his chest in a sweaty heap.

you both breathed heavily, your head rising and falling on his chest as he caught his breath, pushing his wet bangs out of his face before hugging you tight.

you both lay there, pressing kisses to one another, talking about the events of the day and how excited he was to see how the promotion would turn out.

"tell me why that song is still stuck in my head," you weakly laughed on his chest, envisioning the smooth choreography in your head and how well he danced to it today.

"maybe i'll teach you?" he smiled down at you and you happily nodded, knowing that you two would probably end up back in this bed because dancing with yeonjun always gets you heated.

he kissed you again, so satisfied with everything in his life; knowing that if he had his #1 supporter next to him, he could conquer any hard choreo.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

a/n: if you made it this far, tysm for reading! <3 this is inspired by the t:time ep of yeonjun’s behind the scenes shooting of shoong! and i’ve also been trying to learn this choreo so why not write a fic!😭 hope you enjoyed <33

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makoodles · 1 year

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ミ tìtunu

i'm so excited to be posting for my man tsu'tey, because he is criminally under-rated. (look at that gif! i'm going feral).

🍓pairing: tsu'tey x fem human reader

🍓word count: 4k

🍓tags: she/her pronouns for reader, alien courting rituals, misunderstandings, mentions of vomiting (not too graphic, but a warning all the same!)

masterlist

part one | part two | part three (nsfw) | part four (nsfw)

reblogs are always enormously appreciated!

Life is not going how Tsu’tey had intended.

It starts with the arrival of Jakesully, the demon’s acceptance into the clan, the ensuing war against the Sky People, and Tsu’tey’s own uncomfortably close brush with death after falling from the human’s large flying machine. His whole life has been disrupted, his plans and motivations, his hopes and his expectations. Jakesully is a moron, but he is Tsu’tey’s brother now. Bonds have been forged in fire and blood as they fought together against the demon invaders from the sky, and Tsu’tey has no choice but to accept his fate. It will take time to become accustomed to his new role within the clan, no longer as a future leader but always as a protector, but he is adjusting as well as he can.

While he has suffered many blows to his pride in recent months, not least his grievous injury that has prevented him from taking part in his usual routine with the rest of the clan’s warriors, he is still a blooded male of the clan. Now that Neytiri has mated with Jakesully, Tsu’tey himself is free to pick a mate of his own, unburdened by the expectations of leadership. It’s both a liberating and humiliating thought, and he has to admit that it does his wounded pride some good to be on the receiving end of mating interest from so many attractive prospects within the clan.

Any of the Omaticayan women that have shown interest in him so far would be perfectly respectable choices. Txisma is one of the best weavers among the People, her creations sturdy and reliable while also colourful and beautiful. Ninat is the best singer of the clan, her voice bright and clear as her songs bring joy to all who listen. Even Saeyla, ever so consistently loyal despite the fact that he has already rejected her, would be a perfectly respectable choice as a mate.

But the real, ultimate indignity of it all is that Tsu’tey can’t manage to drum up any interest in any of them. No matter how much they smile at him so coyly and prettily, no matter how impressive their displays of skill are, no matter how quick and deadly and proficient they are at fighting, he can’t manage to force himself to look at them with anything more than detached appreciation.

Perhaps the Sky People had injured him beyond repair when they had hurt him and pushed him from their enormous metal bird.

That is the only reason he can think of to explain why the one person who has captured his thoughts so wholly is you, the little human demon that is constantly lurking around the Omaticaya camp.

In the beginning, his fixation is driven by aggravation and fury. After the destruction of Hometree, the People move as one to a spot just south of the Well of Souls and set up a temporary encampment there. When the humans that remain after the RDA have left his planet are invited by Jakesully to their new settlement to spend time with them in a show of tentative co-operation, Tsu’tey spends the whole time scowling in your direction. Jakesully had proven himself a good leader and has earned Tsu’tey’s respect, which is perhaps the only reason that he initially accepted the presence of these Sky People in their new home. Even with his reluctant acceptance, he meets the tiny demons with suspicion and hostility. You, especially.

You infuriate him. Too small, terribly soft and squishy, unable to hold a bow or wield a spear or do anything useful. You came here with the rest of the Sky People, but you are not a warrior like Jakesully. Instead you spend all of your time reading books and studying the plants of his planet. But you don’t even study them in any useful way! You sketch them and take notes, and make frequent exclamations about how wonderful it all is, but you don’t do anything useful, at least as far as Tsu’tey can see.

It had taken him a terribly long time to realise what was happening.

In the beginning, his eyes had cut towards you with animosity and mistrust – your interest in the plant life and the world around you had seemed so odd after the destruction the rest of your people had caused, and he watched you intently for any signs that you meant to cause harm to the People. But those signs never come.

You were polite, interested in his culture, and awed by nature and Eywa all around. You even learned the language of the People, though admittedly with a heavy accent. It’s… more endearing than it should be.

It takes a while for him to realise that he’s watching you far more than he watches the other little demons that study his people. It gets even worse when you decide to practise your clumsy language skills with the clan – somehow, it leads to you targeting him. Not even his fiercest scowls seem to discourage your attempts to converse with him, and soon he finds himself honestly looking forward to seeing you, to speaking with you.

It is an illness. Some sort of infection that has taken hold in him since his injury in the war against the Sky People. That can be the only reason that he is more preoccupied with you than with the very real mating prospects he has among the People.

He has come to terms with it. At first, he kept his shameful little fixation to himself, but he’s never been the most subtle of men. Others soon notice the direction of his stares, the amount of time he spends with you, the way his ears flick and his tail coils whenever he’s around you.

Everyone, it seems, except you.

“Hello, little demon,” He murmurs as he approaches you one afternoon, his tail coiled low around his ankles.

You’re sitting close to the edge of the forest, beside one of the large anìheyu plants. All your silly little notebooks are surrounding you, and though your head is ducked as you sketch its likeness in your book, you look up when you hear his voice.

You laugh at his customary greeting, as unbothered by his gruff demeanour as ever. He is grateful that you are not offended; he has never been good at being soft, though he tries.

“Hey, big guy.” You call back, a wide smile beginning to spread across your face. “What are you up to?”

Tsu’tey’s fingers twitch. Your face may be alien, but your features are not so dissimilar from that of the Na’vi. He finds you… attractive, in your own way, though it pains him a little to admit it.

“I wished to join in on the hunt today,” He murmurs as he comes to a stop in front of you, “But Mo’at has forbidden it.”

He is still recovering from his wounds, and he has found himself with an enormous amount of free time to spend; courtesy of Mo’at, who has been borderline vicious in her vehemence that he rests from his duties to heal. It stings his pride, but he respects the Tsa’hik too much to question her orders.

Your eyes drop to his battle scars, and he finds himself flexing subconsciously under your gaze.

“That’s probably fair, right?” You ask, tilting your head. “You’re still healing-”

“I am still strong.” He interrupts, a little more forcefully than he had intended to. It’s important that you know that.

You just smile, little white teeth poking out as you bite at your lower lip. “I know that.”

That pleases him, and he rolls his shoulders back before sinking down into a crouch in front of you. Your eyes dart from his face to his torso to his legs and then back up again, and he feels his stung pride inflate under the weight of your shy gaze.

“I will not join the rest of the warriors on their hunt,” He murmurs, his gaze resting on your face as he tries to read every expression that flickers across it, “But I still wish to go on a hunt of my own. You.. are welcome to join me.”

You are difficult to read. You do not respond to his more coy flirtations; you never seem to notice when he communicates micro-expressions, his ears flicking back or the playful movements of his tail. And yet you perk up at his invitation, your eyes bright and interested as you carefully set your notes aside.

“Really?” You ask cautiously, your eyes flickering towards the longbow resting across his back.

When Tsu’tey just nods, you shove yourself to your feet with an eager little laugh. It feels like a weight is lifted off his shoulders at your acceptance of his offer – though he manages to keep his expression neutral, he can’t control the anticipatory little flick of his tail.

This is an opportunity he is eager to take advantage of; as he leads the way into the forest, he makes a point of keeping you in his sights at all times. You’re so small and useless, and it’s good to feel as though he can protect someone after his close brush with death.

Marching through the jungle is slow-going. You insist on stopping several times to peer at some of the plants that you’re curious about, and Tsu’tey just stands and waits each time. He wants to display his patience, though it’s admittedly never been one of his strongest virtues.

“Come, small one.” He says, his tail flicking impatiently even as he tries to accommodate your curiosity. Patience, he thinks to himself.

“What is this?” You ask in your broken Na’vi, your accent heavy and clumsy.

Tsu’tey’s ears twitch. He likes the sound of your stupid accent more than he should.

“Utral utu mauti,” He murmurs, stepping closer to you before saying in his own accented English, “Type of fruit tree.”

You make a soft sound of understanding, before nodding. “I’ve read about these! They grow utumauti fruit, right?”

Tsu’tey hums confirmation, though he’s not looking at the plant. He’s too busy watching your face.

“Come,” He murmurs, “You will watch me hunt.”

The two of you continue on through the jungle. Tsu’tey tracks prints, and you watch him. He adds more flourishes to his tracking and stalking than are entirely necessary; he is hyper-conscious under your curious eyes.

You are so much smaller than him, barely reaching his navel, so he keeps his pace slow and even to ensure you can keep up with him.

When the two of you finally catch up to a wild yerik, luckily separated from the herd, Tsu’tey feels his heart beating eagerly in his chest. This is a chance to display his physical prowess. To prove that even injured, he is a fearsome warrior and hunter.

Your eyes are trained on him as he nocks an arrow and prepares to loose. Your gaze trails along his bicep and his chest, and he feels his pride flare all over again. When he looses the arrow, it finds its mark with ease.

He leaps from the cover of the trees and rushes to the fallen animal, snatching his knife from his waist and bending by the yerik’s head to murmur the customary words of thanks before ending the creature’s pain.

Cautiously, you step out after him and stare with wide eyes.

“Wow,” You murmur, stepping close to him. “It’s so big.”

The yerik is not so large or impressive as other prey, such as a talioang, yet your awe pleases Tsu’tey greatly. He can’t suppress the smug expression that grows across his face as he secures his prey with a rope to prepare to haul it back to the village.

He pauses halfway through tying a knot around the yerik’s middle so that he can look up to you, a self-satisfied sort of lazy smirk curling around his mouth. “I told you I am still strong.”

A surprised laugh bursts out of your mouth, and you avert your eyes all of a sudden. You’re staring down at your feet, your fingers fidgeting together, but he can see that your mouth is smiling.

“Yes,” You say quietly, “Very strong.”

That night, Tsu’tey’s catch is prepared and roasted over the cook fire alongside the catch from the larger hunt. The village is alight with celebration – the People sing and dance, children running around screaming with laughter and younglings leaping about together. The light-natured atmosphere is infectious, and Tsu’tey finds himself feeling more cautiously upbeat than he has in a while now.

“I should probably head back to the science outpost,” You mention at some point as the village fills with laughter and chat and the smell of succulent meat cooking. “I don’t want to intrude on-”

“Stay.” Tsu’tey interrupts without thinking.

You pause, obviously surprised. He’s been most outspoken about how the small demons should not be allowed to intrude upon the People’s customs or private rituals. No doubt you’re confused by his sudden change of heart – he can’t explain it himself.

But you agree, a tentative smile blooming across your face.

Tsu’tey is not oblivious to the glances that the two of you get as he settles next to you – you’ve chosen to sit a little bit away from the large fire around which the rest of the tribe gathers. No doubt you feel self-conscious of the fact that you don’t belong here, but Tsu’tey is feeling bold tonight. He is content as he settles next to you, despite the curious glances he receives from his People.

In his hands, he carries two portions of yerik meat from his kill wrapped in a leaf – it is a wholesome, healthy meal, and he hands a portion to you with a pleased flick of his tail.

You accept your portion politely, but he notices that you don’t immediately move to eat it. Instead, you spend a moment peering at it as though inspecting the meat carefully.

The longer you go without trying the food he has caught for you, the more antsy he becomes. He bites into his own dinner, casting frequent sideways glances your way as he chews. Was it not cooked to your taste? Did you not like the way it was wrapped in the leaf? Was it the meat itself that was the problem? Perhaps you didn’t even like yerik meat. Was this your way of turning him down?

“You do not like it?” He asks at last, unable to contain himself any longer.

You look up at that, apparently a little startled. “No! I mean, yes! I like it just fine!”

And yet, you haven’t touched it.

Too late, Tsu’tey realises that you’re still wearing your strange face covering that you need to breathe. Ah, how foolish of him. You aren’t able to take it off to eat.

Embarrassed now, Tsu’tey feels his ears flatten back. It was an obvious oversight on his part, a stupid mistake. How could he not have anticipated this problem? Such a mistake makes him look inconsiderate.

“Ah. Your face covering-” He begins, but he doesn’t get the chance to finish.

“No big deal!” You blurt hastily, sitting up straighter.

You’re so much smaller than him, dwarfed by his stature as you blink up at him. The size difference is going to Tsu’tey’s head – he can’t stop looking at the way your much smaller hands are wrapped around your food, at the way you’ve pressed a little closer to him.

He watches as you rip some of the meat out with your fingers, before taking a deep breath. You push the mask up for just a second, just long enough to push the food into your mouth before quickly reattaching the mask over your face again. Through the strange clear material protecting your face, Tsu’tey watches as you chew. The sight settles something inside of him, and some of the tension leaks out of his shoulders as he watches you eat his offering.

He’s not the only one watching you eat. The sight of him offering you food, and of you accepting it, has caught the attention of several members of the clan. The connotations are obvious, whether Tsu’tey chooses to think about them or not – if the sight of one of the clan’s foremost warriors participating in tentative courtship rituals with a Sky Person is shocking or disturbing in any way, they hide it well. It’s mainly surprised curiosity in the eyes of their observers.

“It’s good.” You murmur, sending him a quick smile. “The spices are different from anything I’m used to – it’s interesting.”

Tsu’tey’s tail lashes with gratification, satisfied with your acceptance of his advances. He should have known you would be interested in the spices used to cook the food, too. You’re such a curious little thing, always wanting to learn more. Your intelligence is commendable, and sets you apart from the rest of the tawtute.

You take another few bites of food, stuffing little handfuls under your mask quickly before replacing it back. Tsu’tey feels his chest puff the more you eat, his pride assuaged by the sight.

“You are hungry?” He asks, ducking his head a little closer to you. “You would like more?”

“No,” You murmur, but you give him a soft smile to soften your refusal. “Thank you. This is plenty.”

Tsu’tey settles back, his tail flicking in contentment. You may be a little demon that came from the sky, but having you sit huddled at his side eases the knot in his stomach that’s been present since his injury. He tries not to think too much about it.

A quick glance around shows that the eyes that had been watching them have shifted away, and he relaxes a little further. It’s mortifying enough to be offering such advances to a tawtute without the eyes of the clan watching.

You cough, and clear your throat. The sound draws his attention back to you, his eyes flickering carefully over your face. You appear a little flustered, and his brow draws down in a frown.

“What is wrong?” He asks carefully, narrowing his eyes as he watches you.

“Nothing.” You say hastily, but he sees the way you shift next to him. Your expression has changed a little, but he can’t quite interpret it. You lack the long ears and tail of the Na’vi, and so he finds it difficult to analyse your micro-expressions, but even still he can tell that something has changed.

“Tell me.” He demands, shifting to face you head on. “I will fix.”

You smile at him again, but this one seems more forced. It’s almost a grimace. Your hand moves to your stomach, and he follows the motion with a frown.

“It’s nothing, I just…” You wince. “It didn’t occur to me before, but.. I’m not sure how well humans can digest Pandoran meat.”

Tsu’tey’s frown only deepens. “I do not know this word. Digest. What does it mean?”

“It-” You begin, but you cut yourself off as an odd tremor moves across your face.

In a move that startles him into rearing back, you leap to your feet and make a run for the woods. It only takes a moment for Tsu’tey to recover from his surprise, and then he pushes himself up to his feet too. Ignoring the heads that have turned in his direction thanks to the commotion, he takes off after you.

It doesn’t take much effort to catch up to you, considering the difference in the size of your legs. You’ve only just managed to reach the treeline before falling to your knees, and by the time he catches up to you, you’ve torn your breathing mask off to allow you to retch into the vegetation.

Tsu’tey’s ears flick back, watching uneasily as you vomit. He has never been very good at providing comfort, but he reaches out to touch your shoulder all the same.

You retch again, then fumble to put your mask back on so you can breathe.

“Oh no, don’t look at me,” You practically wail, ducking your head down so he can’t see your face. “This is so humiliating.”

“What is wrong?” Tsu’tey asks insistently, lowering himself to crouch beside you as his tail twitches anxiously. “I will call for Mo’at-”

“Don’t you dare!” You gasp, reaching back blindly to grab at him even as you gag again.

Tsu’tey bares his teeth in frustration, growing increasingly more restless. He hates feeling helpless, and he doesn’t understand what is happening with you. “You are sick.”

“No,” You gasp. The worst of the gagging seems to be over, and you push yourself back to sit clumsily on your behind. “No, it was just… I don’t think Pandoran food is compatible with human digestive systems.”

His tail flicks again as he watches you, growing uneasy. “What does this mean?”

“I can’t eat the same food as you.” You say, before ducking your head and groaning a little as another wave of nausea hits you.

Tsu’tey goes still, watching you close your eyes and wince. The food he had provided you with has made you ill. Humiliation settles low in his stomach. So this is why you were reluctant to try it – you were unsure if it was safe for you to eat.

His attempt to impress you has ended up making you sick. The only thing that saves him from total disgrace is the fact that you’re very visibly flustered and apologetic about it.

“I’m sorry,” You insist, clearly mortified as you raise your head to squint at him through streaming eyes. “Really, it was very nice-!”

His ears twitch low and his tail wrapped tightly around his leg in contrition. “I did not know-”

“I know you didn’t,” You interrupt hastily. It’s clear that you feel thoroughly embarrassed about the situation – you can hardly meet his eyes. “Please, don’t worry about it.”

Your reassurance helps, but only slightly. He still feels entirely humiliated, and he watches with dismay as you finally push yourself to your feet.

“I think,” You begin without making eye contact, “That I should probably get back to the outpost.”

His stomach plummets, and his pride with it. This has gone so terribly wrong. He’s not even really sure what he was trying to do here – what was he even thinking?

“Yes.” He says stiffly. “You should.”

Your expression shifts a little, and you nod. The air between you both has changed slightly; gone was the easy camaraderie that you have both worked so hard on for the past few months, to be replaced with an awkward tension.

“I’m sorry,” You say again, your voice low and embarrassed. “I.. the meat was very nice. Thank you. I’m sorry about… you know.”

That… is slightly more promising.

Tsu’tey stands, then reaches down to offer his hand to help you. For a moment, you just stare at his outstretched hand as though you can’t figure out what he’s doing. He draws on his patience, and is rewarded for it when you reach out and take his hand, allowing him to guide you back to your feet. Your palm is warm and dry against his, your hand so small and soft that he gets momentarily distracted.

You smile at him again, and finally this one seems more genuine, though it’s a little abashed. Tsu’tey’s ears flick towards you cautiously, testingly, and you keep smiling.The knot in his stomach loosens a little.

Perhaps his chances aren’t entirely decimated after all. Next time, he will try gift-giving instead.

#tsu'tey x reader #tsu'tey #tsu'tey imagines #avatar #avatar x reader #avatar way of water #na'vi x reader #na'vi x human #terato #avatar 2009

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mammonsrockstargf · 29 days

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The Brothers x Ghibli Movies

What Ghibli movie reminds me of each of the brothers.

Lucifer ⭑ Princess Mononoke

“This is what hatred looks like! This is what it does when it catches hold of you! It’s eating me alive and very soon it will kill me.”

I considered that this movie fits well with Belphegor also, but ultimately I decided to go with Lucifer because I think there’s a big theme of pride and how it corrupts the forest and the humans. I love this movie and the relationship between Ashitaka and Mononoke also reminds me of MC and Lucifer where there’s initially a lot of distrust but it eventually turns into love.

Mammon ⭑ Castle in the Sky

“He who turns and runs away can steal the treasure another day!”

There are sky pirates and treasure hunting. Also, Pazu kind of takes a protecting role of Sheeta and helps her get where she needs to be, much like Mammon with MC! (At least he tries to.) Despite that, I think if Mammon was in this movie he’d be a part of the pirate squad. Do y’all see the vision?

Leviathan ⭑ Ponyo

“I love Ponyo whether she’s a fish, a human, or something in between.”

Firstly, there’s the whole fish thing, Ponyo is a fish and Levi has fish-like qualities, his best friend Henry is a fish but I also think there's a parallel between Ponyo desperately wanting to be human and Sosuke helping her and Levi desperately wanting to be accepted by his brothers and MC helping him. (More with realizing he already is accepted, but alas.)

Satan ⭑ Whisper of the Heart

“You know, you read too many books”

This movie was what originally prompted me to make this post because it is just so Satan coded. A girl begins to notice a boy has always read the books before her at the library so she tracks him down only to find out the reason he reads all of these books is because he wanted to get her attention. What a nerd, I love it. Also, there are a lot of cats in this one as well as big themes of identity and finding yourself.

Asmodeus ⭑ Howl’s Moving Castle

“I give up. I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful.”

Obviously, there’s the whole factor that Howl is vain as fuck and eventually learns that beauty isn’t everything to life, but I also think that Calficer and Howl sort of remind me of Asmo and Solomon? They both made a pact when they were young and didn’t really know what they were getting into and now they’re just kind of stuck with each other but they don’t mind. (I might have a WIP about this, wink wonk. >:D)

Beelzebub ⭑ My Neighbor Totoro

“Try laughing. Then whatever scares you will go away.”

This is a little silly but Totoro kind of reminds me of Beel. They both have that gentle giant thing going on for them. Besides that, the movie has some underlying themes and subtext about grief and loss which especially season 1 of OM has as well with Beelzebub feeling responsible for Lillith and Belphie.

Belphegor ⭑ Spirited Away

“I’ve gotta get out of this place. Someday I’m getting on that train.”

Spirited Away is a coming-of-age movie about big changes in your life and likewise, Belphie deals with a lot of changes throughout the game. He goes from being a bitter little shit to being, well… less bitter but still a little shit. (I say this affectionately.)

All graphic dividers are by @/cafekitsune

#headcanons #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me swd #obey me brothers #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie

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butterscotchpiesandguys · 1 month

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Acting The Part

I was a film student, that means I had to play a lot of roles. Mostly, however, I remained the one behind the cameras. Why? Well it was simply because I was pretty humble... in my own words, others would call me shy and reserved.

I had a project coming up, a final film for the semester. Had to be within the genre we were working for an unfortunately for me that was romance. I was not good with romance, obviously of course. I was shy. So... that was why I partnered up with a few buddies, Chris, Tony, Danielle, and Skylar. It was an optional group project due to how big it was. Unfortunately one guy who was left out was Brian. A total douche, called himself a sigma and everything. Totally full of himself.

Saw himself being the star too, always was in the movies... although with his ripped abs, jawline, and general physique... it was obvious why he thought he would be in the group... so we started scripting. It went well at first, that was until Brian started butting in. Asked if his girlfriend could be the love interest. This was supposed to be a group project and so we said no, Danielle would be covering that part. He whined about it until Skylar came up to me to ask something. "Do we need Brian here?" He asked softly, so he didn't actually hear. He was off arguing with Tony again, Go figure.

"Well... I did have an idea..." I admitted. Of course this idea was also a bit rude. We would simply do the script without him. Meetup some times, make excuses. It worked for a while until he started to get suspicious. He was stupid but he wasn't that stupid.

About a week into scripting, everything was coming out well. We almost had it done and we even had a role for Brian! Now we weren't going to tell him until the day of, and seeing how he needed this for a good grade... he'd have to go along with it. Well that was what I thought until he stopped me on the way to a class. "Hey [Y/N], how's it hangin." He put his hand beside my head as I leaned against the wall. He asked a simple question, quite friendly too... if it wasn't for his threatening tone. "Been a while, started to think my film partner died. That would have been bad." He chuckled and let up a bit. "Why don't we talk about the script for a bit. "I uh..." I tried to speak up but he put his hand on my back as he walked me away from the class I had next.

"You say somethin? No? Okay well good, we're goin someplace nice and comfortable." He started to walk me out of the building and through the campus. Some people stared at us, I mean a star football player and some film student would draw some eyes. Eventually we got to the bleachers of the football stadium. It was super empty and due to Brian having a part time job cleaning the place he had keys.

We sat down on some metal bleachers near the announcer's box and he had me get out my laptop. "So, run me through the script. Last I heard I was going to be the star?" He smirked a bit. This would be hard to break.

"Well uh... I'll just uh... we made some changes but everything's still very flexible!" I tried to assure him. I started at where it would begin, a nerd getting bullied. The bully was played by... Brian. he wasn't too happy but was willing to hear me out. Then I went through the story slower, more cautiously to not offend the giant oaf. Stuff about the nerds banding together... having a fun time and ultimately the nerd getting the nerdy chick. Danielle was supposed to play the nerdy girl, Skylar wanted to be the main character. I would be the camera man and director. Brian looked annoyed. "So... this sucks."

"Wait what? What about it sucks? Is it just because you're not the main star? You know what'd be weird." I tried to fight back. It was partially my script.

"Lemme guess, your buddy Skylar wrote a lot of it." I looked down and did have to agree... so I nodded, Skylar was a great writer though! "Look man, I know you don't like being in front of the camera and stuff but this might be your last little movie, why not have fun with it? How is this fair to you at all?" Wait was Brian sticking up for me?

"I uh... I guess it's not... But I don't really like being the star." I looked at the bigger guy who was now being oddly nice.

He sighed. "Yeah, and I'm not sayin you have to be. I mean you gave me a pretty raw deal." Brian looked oddly sad.

I was always the one to make peace... god damn it... would I really do this? I had to... "Well uh... what would you propose to change that stuff?" I asked, nervous to what he would propose.

"Well, here's my idea. We swap some roles around. Make it better for all of us. Skylar can run the camera this time, he always gets to be in front of it." I nodded, Skylar could be a competent camera man... "Glad you agree, then I can take his role as a nerd and you can be the rival... hell maybe you can get your own babe out of it."

"Wait, what?" I looked at the big guy confused. Him? The nerd? No way. And me as the rival? How the hell would I do that? "I don't think that'll work. I mean we should cast for what we're good at and..."

Brian cut me off, "Yeah and I'm pretty nice, right?" I looked at him, he was looking me right in the eyes. I nodded, not wanting to be rude. "Exactly! So I should be given the chance to play a fun nice guy!" His smile was reassuring but I still had issues.

"Yeah but I really don't think people will buy me as a douchebag..." I sighed and scratched my head. It was true. I was smaller, weaker, and dorky as hell.

"Well, sure, right now you don't but trust me! I got some ideas that can help you! But it's what someone would call... method acting. Probably heard of it."

"That sounds like a dumb idea, I'll be honest. I mean... that'll just get me bullied.... more than usual at least." I sighed, feeling like this was going nowhere.

"Nah, trust me bro. I mean if you stick with me I'll vouch."

"But I barely have any classes with you aside from film related ones." I looked a bit confused. How would that work.

"Well here's the deal. I can talk to my professors, tell them you wanna do some stuff and I'm sure with a little flexing of my status... we can get you in for the few more weeks or months we have left of class this semester. It's not gonna be much, mister straight As." He was going to do that for me?

"I guess... I could see how this goes... I could use a break before my other finals..." I chuckled a bit nervously, which made him pat my back, almost flinging me out of my seat.

"There we go! Here's my phone number and..." He grabbed my phone and put his number and contacts in, "We should be good to go, send me a link to the script btw! Gotta work on that thing!

That night I sent him the link, and felt oddly nervous about this. I mean... it was like starting a whole new life! I hadn't been in front of the cameras in a while so that would be nerve racking too! Brian's advice was to "Not think about it." Seemed he could go his whole life without thinking about much.

The next day we spent working out, and working on attitude. His girlfriend Tori came over during some of it and Brian said it would be a great time to practice confidence. I didn't nail it. He had a good laugh though and she took it in stride. Overall a good Saturday.

The day after that we worked on some more muscle, while also just hanging out again... this time some of his douchey friends came over. He was saying this was both confidence and some experience training. Like being in job training. Eventually I somewhat grew accustomed to them. They all were charismatic and handsome too. I felt oddly at home near some of them, hell I even threw some insults back at them when they came my way. I wasn't great at it yet.

Day three of this shit and I was now walking around with Brian and his little group. Seemed most of them had the same classes. I got stopped in the hall though by a classmate. He tried to direct me to class but... as per a whispered instruction... I mocked him and his shit haircut. After classes we worked out, seemed like this was something I had to do... Brian and Tanner, one of Brian's friends who was more in on it, said this was to make me not sound like a dork when referencing sports and shit. Good reason...

My the next week I was already feeling the burn. Skylar and the others were a bit pissed at me for blowing off our group meetings for hangouts with Brian and his crew. I told him I was method acting and he should get off my case. Well he didn't take it too well. "Well maybe you should stop being in our fucking shit if you like Brian that much!" That was a bad insult.

I yelled back. "Well, maybe if you didn't try to hog the limelight all the time I wouldn't be doing this shit!" It kind of just came out of me. For some reason... Skylar looked a bit... weaker and smaller than me. "Besides, not like you could even carry a movie with that fuckin acne." I may have went too far, he looked pissed and I felt awful. He stormed off leaving me alone...

I had a party that night, at the frat. Brian noticed me looking down the entire time. Came to comfort me. "Bro, trust me. He deserved it. I mean he's always been pushing you back and the moment you try and get out there and have fun he tries to put you back down? Not cool, you know that."

"Yeah but... I don't wanna fuck shit up with my friends and all that." I said with a red solocup in my hand.

"Well... maybe you're better off without them. I mean the only one I see potential in is maybe Danielle." I nodded.

"Yeah, Tony is a nobody, Skylar is a pussy... And I was both. Still feel bad for Danielle." I had a crush on her before.

"Well don't go around pussyfooting. I'm sure we can change the script and as her to method act too! I mean how much fun has it been for you, Oliver."

"Oliver?" I laughed and looked at Brian, "Why'd you call me that?"

"Oh! Well I had an idea. Just a small one. I mean why not go by your character's name? You are supposed to be method acting!"

"Yeah... Oliver... that... works well." I smiled. I mean I did look like an Oliver now... or at least the character! I didn't know how but in retrospect god my body was wimpy. Now I looked fire as hell!

The next few days would be painfully awkward. Skylar would try and salvage the script, much to the annoyance of Brian and I. There were two sides clashing and I knew which one sounded better, Skylar was just doing this for himself. Eventually Brian and I started a secret document, included Danielle in there too. Got them over Discord on a call to talk about the newer idea. By now we had enough of the nice guy act. Brian thought it was way too soft... he pitched the new idea. "Why don't we, instead of doing whatever that little soy boy wants, do our own thing. Like... Why don't we do something where the bullies got some character."

Danielle was hesitant. "Well what about the others? And what would my role be?"

I had an answer already. "Well we need a camera man and Tony, by far, is the best of Skylar and him. I mean I could do it but I've worked pretty hard."

"[Y/N]..." Danielle sighed, She was getting tired of this.

"Dani, it's Oliver or Ollie. I'm taking it pretty serious as you can see." I smiled. into the webcam which I never used before... hell my whole profile changed. Near daily pics of me were my banner and icon instead of some anime boy.

Brian nodded a bit. "So, we want you in this film too Dani, you're a great actress but we want you to practice your new role. You'll be Ollie's bitchy GF, like a mean girl kinda thing."

"But that isn't...." She got cut off by me again.

"Look, Dani... I know it ain't your style but this isn't mine either. To be a star you have to make sacrifices, and playing the part is the thing. I already asked and Tori can help you get into role. And hey, we can hang more if you do... I mean if you want my place is pretty open." It was an invite to fuck. By now I was still a virgin, even if Brian tried to change that many times.

"Okay..." She finally agreed. Thank god this was getting annoying.

Eventually we got our crew together. Some guys from the soccer team for scrawnier nerds, some guys from Brian's crew to be our friends and... Danielle was coming along fine. My type had shifted a bit, especially now that I could have options... they were molding her real nicely.

Skylar soon got wind of our plan but by now it was too late to stop. I was getting ready for the first day of filming. I had my body in peak performance, all done up by one of Tori's friends. And he came over to yell at me. Not congratulate me. By this point I just had Alex, one of Brian and I's friends walk him off the little set we staged. Students would be happy to actually get in this film. I mean we were big stars around campus and we knew it.

People loved how I changed. I became a star. I mean... with my now blonde hair, scuffy facial hair, ripped abs, giant body... who wouldn't. Brian helped me realize something. I was made to be in front of the cameras. I was made to be a star. Danielle would realize that in time too.

As for the filming... it went spectacular. We all got great grades, hell... we started helping Tony out with getting better himself! I mean... we'd need it if we wanted to make more of these. It was a fun parody film... even if it was meant to be serious. The audience didn't get it but whateves. Wasn't my problem. I just didn't have to think too hard about it.

Within months I asked out Danielle, she said yes... of course. We became a new power couple. I urged her to join a sports team like I was doing. I started football like Brian. We did well as a team... also started power lifting and by god I was great! Danielle did gymnastics and by god was she flexible. Eventually I had my name changed. I was welcomed into Brian's family pretty easily too... so I adopted his last name. We were the Greene brothers.... started small with acting and sports but soon, through some modeling and commercials... we started getting big.

As for Skylar... who knows what became of that no name wannabe. He didn't take his shot. Maybe if he was more eager he could have ended up as a male model like Tony. Eh, not my problem. I just played my part and helped everyone around me. That's what being a star is for... you play your part and you like it... And I love it.

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yamayuandadu · 8 months

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The most important deity you've never heard of: the 3000 years long history of Nanaya

Being a major deity is not necessarily a guarantee of being remembered. Nanaya survived for longer than any other Mesopotamian deity, spread further away from her original home than any of her peers, and even briefly competed with both Buddha and Jesus for relevance. At the same time, even in scholarship she is often treated as unworthy of study. She has no popculture presence save for an atrocious, ill-informed SCP story which can’t get the most basic details right. Her claims to fame include starring in fairly explicit love poetry and appearing where nobody would expect her. Therefore, she is the ideal topic to discuss on this blog. This is actually the longest article I published here, the culmination of over two years of research. By now, the overwhelming majority of Nanaya-related articles on wikipedia are my work, and what you can find under the cut is essentially a synthesis of what I have learned while getting there. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed working on it. Under the cut, you will learn everything there is to know about Nanaya: her origin, character, connections with other Mesopotamian deities, her role in literature, her cult centers… Since her history does not end with cuneiform, naturally the later text corpora - Aramaic, Bactrian, Sogdian and even Chinese - are discussed too. The article concludes with a short explanation why I see the study of Nanaya as crucial.

Dubious origins and scribal wordplays: from na-na to Nanaya Long ago Samuel Noah Kramer said that “history begins in Sumer”. While the core sentiment was not wrong in many regards, in this case it might actually begin in Akkad, specifically in Gasur, close to modern Kirkuk. The oldest possible attestation of Nanaya are personal names from this city with the element na-na, dated roughly to the reign of Naram-Sin of Akkad, so to around 2250 BCE. It’s not marked in the way names of deities in personal names would usually be, but this would not be an isolated case.

The evidence is ultimately mixed. On one hand, reduplicated names like Nana are not unusual in early Akkadian sources, and -ya can plausibly be explained as a hypocoristic suffix. On the other hand, there is not much evidence for Nanaya being worshiped specifically in the far northeast of Mesopotamia in other periods. Yet another issue is that there is seemingly no root nan- in Akkadian, at least in any attested words.

The main competing proposal is that Nanaya originally arose as a hypostasis of Inanna but eventually split off through metaphorical mitosis, like a few other goddesses did, for example Annunitum. This is not entirely implausible either, but ultimately direct evidence is lacking, and when Nanaya pops up for the first time in history she is clearly a distinct goddess.

There are a few other proposals regarding Nanaya’s origin, but they are considerably weaker. Elamite has the promising term nan, “day” or “morning”, but Nanaya is entirely absent from the Old Elamite sources you’d expect to find her in if Mesopotamians imported her from the east. Therefore, very few authors adhere to this view. The hypothesis that she was an Aramaic goddess in origin does not really work chronologically, since Aramaic is not attested in the third millennium BCE at all. The less said about attempts to connect her to anything “Proto-Indo-European”, the better.

Like many other names of deities, Nanaya’s was already a subject of etymological speculation in antiquity. A late annotated version of the Weidner god list, tablet BM 62741, preserves a scribe’s speculative attempt at deriving it from the basic meaning of the sign NA, “to call”, furnished with a feminine suffix, A. Needless to say, like other such examples of scribal speculation, some of which are closer to playful word play than linguistics, it is unlikely to reflect the actual origin of the name.

Early history: Shulgi-simti, Nanaya’s earliest recorded #1 fan

A typical Ur III administrative tablet listing offerings to various deities (wikimedia commons)

The first absolutely certain attestations of Nanaya, now firmly under her full name, have been identified in texts from the famous archive from Puzrish-Dagan, modern Drehem, dated to around 2100 BCE. Much can be written about this site, but here it will suffice to say that it was a center of the royal administration of the Third Dynasty of Ur ("Ur III") responsible for the distribution of sacrificial animals. Nanaya appears there in a rather unique context - she was one of the deities whose cults were patronized by queen Shulgi-simti, one of the wives of Shulgi, the successor of the dynasty’s founder Ur-Namma. We do not know much about Shulgi-simti as a person - she did not write any official inscriptions announcing her preferred foreign policy or letters to relatives or poetry or anything else that typically can be used to gain a glimpse into the personal lives of Mesopotamian royalty. We’re not really sure where she came from, though Eshnunna is often suggested as her hometown. We actually do not even know what her original name was, as it is assumed she only came to be known as Shulgi-simti after becoming a member of the royal family. Tonia Sharlach suggested that the absence of information about her personal life might indicate that she was a commoner, and that her marriage to Shulgi was not politically motivated The one sphere of Shulgi-simti’s life which we are incredibly familiar with are her religious ventures. She evidently had an eye for minor, foreign or otherwise unusual goddesses, such as Belet-Terraban or Nanaya. She apparently ran what Sharlach in her “biography” of her has characterized as a foundation. It was tasked with sponsoring various religious celebrations. Since Shulgi-simti seemingly had no estate to speak of, most of the relevant documents indicate she procured offerings from a variety of unexpected sources, including courtiers and other members of the royal family. The scale of her operations was tiny: while the more official religious organizations dealt with hundreds or thousands of sacrificial animals, up to fifty or even seventy thousand sheep and goats in the case of royal administration, the highest recorded number at her disposal seems to be eight oxen and fifty nine sheep. A further peculiarity of the “foundation” is that apparently there was a huge turnover rate among the officials tasked with maintaining it. It seems nobody really lasted there for much more than four years. There are two possible explanations: either Shulgi-simti was unusually difficult to work with, or the position was not considered particularly prestigious and was, at the absolute best, viewed as a stepping stone. While the Shulgi-simti texts are the earliest evidence for worship of Nanaya in the Ur III court, they are actually not isolated. When all the evidence from the reigns of Shulgi and his successors is summarized, it turns out that she quickly attained a prominent role, as she is among the twelve deities who received the most offerings. However, her worship was seemingly limited to Uruk (in her own sanctuary), Nippur (in the temple of Enlil, Ekur) and Ur. Granted, these were coincidentally three of the most important cities in the entire empire, so that’s a pretty solid early section of a divine resume. She chiefly appears in two types of ceremonies: these tied to the royal court, or these mostly performed by or for women. Notably, a festival involving lamentations (girrānum) was held in her honor in Uruk. To understand Nanaya’s presence in the two aforementioned contexts, and by extension her persistence in Mesopotamian religion in later periods, we need to first look into her character.

The character of Nanaya: eroticism, kingship, and disputed astral ventures

Corona Borealis (wikimedia commons)

Nanaya’s character is reasonably well defined in primary sources, but surprisingly she was almost entirely ignored in scholarship quite recently. The first study of her which holds up to scrutiny is probably Joan Goodnick Westenholz’s article Nanaya, Lady of Mystery from 1997. The core issue is the alleged interchangeability of goddesses. From the early days of Assyriology basically up to the 1980s, Nanaya was held to be basically fully interchangeable with Inanna. This obviously put her in a tough spot. Still, over the course of the past three decades the overwhelming majority of studies came to recognize Nanaya as a distinct goddess worthy of study in her own right. You will still stumble upon the occasional “Nanaya is basically Inanna”, but now this is a minority position. Tragically it’s not extinct yet, most recently I’ve seen it in a monograph published earlier this year. With these methodological and ideological issues out of the way, let’s actually look into Nanaya’s character, as promised by the title of this section. Her original role was that of a goddess of love. It is already attested for her at the dawn of her history, in the Ur III period. Her primary quality was described with a term rendered as ḫili in Sumerian and kuzbu in Akkadian. It can be variously translated as “charm”, “luxuriance”, “voluptuousness”, “sensuality” or “sexual attractiveness”. This characteristic was highlighted by her epithet bēlet kuzbi (“lady of kuzbu”) and by the name of her cella in the Eanna, Eḫilianna. The connection was so strong that this term appears basically in every single royal inscription praising her. She was also called bēlet râmi, “lady of love”. Nanaya’s role as a love goddess is often paired with describing her as a “joyful” or “charming” deity. It needs to be stressed that Nanaya was by no metric the goddess of some abstract, cosmic love or anything like that. Love incantations and prayers related to love are quite common, and give us a solid glimpse into this matter. Nanaya’s range of activity in them is defined pretty directly: she deals with relationships (and by extension also with matters like one-sided crushes or arguments between spouses), romance and with strictly sexual matters. For an example of a hymn highlighting her qualifications when it comes to the last category, see here. The text is explicit, obviously. We can go deeper, though. There is also an incantation whose incipit at first glance leaves little to imagination:

However, the translator, Giole Zisa, notes there is some debate over whether it’s actually about having sex with Nanaya or merely about invoking her (and other deities) while having sex with someone else. A distinct third possibility is that she’s not even properly invoked but that “oh, Nanaya” is simply an exclamation of excitement meant to fit the atmosphere, like a specialized version of the mainstay of modern erotica dialogue, “oh god”.

While this romantic and sexual aspect of Nanaya’s character is obviously impossible to overlook, this is not all there was to her. She was also associated with kingship, as already documented in the Ur III period. She was invoked during coronations and mourning of deceased kings. In the Old Babylonian period she was linked to investiture by rulers of newly independent Uruk. A topic which has stirred some controversy in scholarship is Nanaya’s supposed astral role. Modern authors who try to present Nanaya as a Venus deity fall back on rather faulty reasoning, namely asserting that if Nanaya was associated with Inanna and Inanna personified Venus, clearly Nanaya did too. Of course, being associated with Inanna does not guarantee the same traits. Shaushka was associated with her so closely her name was written with the logogram representing her counterpart quite often, and lacked astral aspects altogether. No primary sources which discuss Nanaya as a distinct, actively worshiped deity actually link her with Venus. If you stretch it you will find some tidbits like an entry in a dictionary prepared by the 10th century bishop Hasan bar Bahlul, who inexplicably asserted Nanaya was the Arabic name of the planet Venus. As you will see soon, there isn’t even a possibility that this reflected a relic of interpretatio graeca. The early Mandaean sources, many of which were written when at least remnants of ancient Mesopotamian religion were still extant, also do not link Nanaya with Venus. Despite at best ambivalent attitude towards Mesopotamian deities, they show remarkable attention to detail when it comes to listing their cult centers, and on top of that Mesopotamian astronomy had a considerable impact on Mandaeism, so there is no reason not to prioritize them, as far as I am concerned. As far as the ancient Mesopotamian sources themselves go, the only astral object with a direct connection to Nanaya was Corona Borealis (BAL.TÉŠ.A, “Dignity”), as attested in the astronomical compendium MUL.APIN. Note that this is a work which assigns astral counterparts to virtually any deity possible, though, and there is no indication this was a major part of Nanaya’s character. Save for this single instance, she is entirely absent from astronomical texts. A further astral possibility is that Nanaya was associated with the moon. The earliest evidence is highly ambiguous: in the Ur III period festivals held in her honor might have been tied to phases of the moon, while in the Old Babylonian period a sanctuary dedicated to her located in Larsa was known under the ceremonial name Eitida, “house of the month”. A poem in which looking at her is compared to looking at the moon is also known. That’s not all, though. Starting with the Old Babylonian period, she could also be compared with the sun. Possibly such comparisons were meant to present her as an astral deity, without necessarily identifying her with a specific astral body. Michael P. Streck and Nathan Wasserman suggest that it might be optimal to simply refer to her as a “luminous” deity in this context. However, as you will see later it nonetheless does seem she eventually came to be firmly associated both with the sun and the moon. Last but not least, Nanaya occasionally displayed warlike traits. It’s hardly major in her case, and if you tried hard enough you could turn any deity into a war deity depending on your political goals, though. I’d also place the incantation which casts her as one of the deities responsible for keeping the demon Lamashtu at bay here.

Nanaya in art

The oldest known depiction of Nanaya (wikimedia commons)

While Nanaya’s roles are pretty well defined, there surprisingly isn’t much to say about her iconography in Mesopotamian art.The oldest certain surviving depiction of her is rather indistinct: she’s wearing a tall headdress and a flounced robe. It dates to the late Kassite period (so roughly to 1200 BCE), and shows her alongside king Meli-Shipak (or maybe Meli-Shihu, reading remains uncertain) and his daughter Hunnubat-Nanaya. Nanaya is apparently invoked to guarantee that the prebend granted to the princess will be under divine protection. This is not really some unique prerogative of hers, perhaps she was just the most appropriate choice because Hunnubat-Nanaya’s name obviously reflects devotion to her. The relief discussed above is actually the only depiction of Nanaya identified with certainty from before the Hellenistic period, surprisingly. We know that statues representing her existed, and it is hard to imagine that a popular, commonly worshiped deity was not depicted on objects like terracotta decorations and cylinder seals, but even if some of these were discovered, there’s no way to identify them with certainty. This is not unusual though, and ultimately there aren’t many Mesopotamian deities who can be identified in art without any ambiguity.

Nanaya in literature

As I highlighted in the section dealing with Nanaya’s character, she is reasonably well attested in love poetry. However, this is not the only genre in which she played a role. A true testament to Nanaya’s prominence is a bilingual (Sumero-Akkadian) hymn composed in her honor in the first millennium BCE. It is written in the first person, and presents various other goddesses as her alternate identities. It is hardly unique, and similar compositions dedicated to Ishtar (Inanna), Gula, Ninurta and Marduk are also known. Each strophe describes a different deity and location, but ends with Nanaya reasserting her actual identity with the words “still I am Nanaya”. Among the claimed identities included are both major goddesses in their own right (Inanna plus closely associated Annunitum and Ishara, Gula, Bau, Ninlil), goddesses relevant due to their spousal roles first and foremost (Damkina, Shala, Mammitum etc) and some truly unexpected, picks, the notoriously elusive personified rainbow Manzat being the prime example. Most of them had very little in common with Nanaya, so this might be less an attempt at syncretism, and more an elevation of her position through comparisons to those of other goddesses. An additional possible literary curiosity is a poorly preserved myth which Wilfred G. Lambert referred to as “The murder of Anshar”. He argues that Nanaya is one of the two deities responsible for the eponymous act. I don't quite follow the logic, though: the goddess is actually named Ninamakalamma (“Lady mother of the land”), and her sole connection with Nanaya is that they occur in sequence in the unique god list from Sultantepe. Lambert saw this as a possible indication they are identical. There are no other attestations of this name, but ama kalamma does occur as an epithet of various goddesses, most notably Ninshubur. Given her juxtaposition with Nanaya in the Weidner god list - more on that later - wouldn’t it make more sense to assume it’s her? Due to obscurity of the text as far as I am aware nobody has questioned Lambert’s tentative proposal yet, though.

There isn’t much to say about the plot: Anshar, literally “whole heaven”, the father of Anu, presumably gets overthrown and might be subsequently killed. Something that needs to be stressed here to avoid misinterpretation: primordial deities such as Anshar were borderline irrelevant, and weren't really worshiped. They exist to fade away in myths and to be speculated about in elaborate lexical texts. There was no deposed cult of Anshar. Same goes for all the Tiamats and Enmesharras and so on.

Inanna and beyond: Nanaya and friends in Mesopotamian sources

Inanna on a cylinder seal from the second half of the third millennium BCE (wikimedia commons)

Of course, Nanaya’s single most important connection was that to Inanna, no matter if we are to accept the view that she was effectively a hypostasis gone rogue or not. The relationship between them could be represented in many different ways. Quite commonly she was understood as a courtier or protegee of Inanna. A hymn from the reign of Ishbi-Erra calls her the “ornament of Eanna” (Inanna’s main temple in Uruk) and states she was appointed by Inanna to her position. References to Inanna as Nanaya’s mother are also known, though they are rare, and might be metaphorical. To my best knowledge nothing changed since Olga Drewnowska-Rymarz’s monograph, in which she notes she only found three examples of texts preserving this tradition. I would personally abstain from trying to read too deep into it, given this scarcity. Other traditions regarding Nanaya’s parentage are better attested. In multiple cases, she “borrows” Inanna’s conventional genealogy, and as a result is addressed as a daughter of Sin (Nanna), the moon god. However, she was never addressed as Inanna’s sister: it seems that in cases where Sin and Nanaya are connected, she effectively “usurps” Inanna’s own status as his daughter (and as the sister of Shamash, while at it). Alternatively, she could be viewed as a daughter of Anu. Finally, there is a peculiar tradition which was the default in laments: in this case, Nanaya was described as a daughter of Urash. The name in this context does not refer to the wife of Anu, though. The deity meant is instead a small time farmer god from Dilbat. To my best knowledge no sources place Nanaya in the proximity of other members of Urash’s family, though some do specify she was his firstborn daughter. To my best knowledge Urash had at least two other children, Lagamal (“no mercy”, an underworld deity whose gender is a matter of debate) and Ipte-bitam (“he opened the house”, as you can probably guess a divine doorkeeper). Nanaya’s mother by extension would presumably be Urash’s wife Ninegal, the tutelary goddess of royal palaces. There is actually a ritual text listing these three together. In the Weidner god list Nanaya appears after Ninshubur. Sadly, I found no evidence for a direct association between these two. For what it’s worth, they did share a highly specific role, that of a deity responsible for ordering around lamma. This term referred to a class of minor deities who can be understood as analogous to “guardian angels” in contemporary Christianity, except places and even deities had their own lamma too, not just people. Lamma can also be understood at once as a class of distinct minor deities, as the given name of individual members of it, and as a title of major deities. In an inscription of Gudea the main members of the official pantheon are addressed as “lamma of all nations”, by far one of my favorite collective terms of deities in Mesopotamian literature. A second important aspect of the Weidner god list is placing Nanaya right in front of Bizilla. The two also appear side by side in some offering lists and in the astronomical compendium MUL.APIN, where they are curiously listed as members of the court of Enlil. It seems that like Nanaya, she was a goddess of love, which is presumably reflected by her name. It has been variously translated as “pleasing”, “loving” or as a derivative of the verb “to strip”. An argument can be made that Bizilla was to Nanaya what Nanaya was to Inanna. However, she also had a few roles of her own. Most notably, she was regarded as the sukkal of Ninlil. She may or may not also have had some sort of connection to Nungal, the goddess of prisons, though it remains a matter of debate if it’s really her or yet another, accidentally similarly named, goddess.

An indistinct Hurro-Hittite depiction of Ishara from the Yazilikaya sanctuary (wikimedia commons)

In love incantations, Nanaya belonged to an informal group which also included Inanna, Ishara, Kanisurra and Gazbaba. I do not think Inanna’s presence needs to be explained. Ishara had an independent connection with Inanna and was a multi-purpose deity to put it very lightly; in the realm of love she was particularly strongly connected with weddings and wedding nights. Kanisurra and Gazbaba warrant a bit more discussion, because they are arguably Nanaya’s supporting cast first and foremost. Gazbaba is, at the core, seemingly simply the personification of kuzbu. Her name had pretty inconsistent orthography, and variants such as Kazba or Gazbaya can be found in primary sources too. The last of them pretty clearly reflects an attempt at making her name resemble Nanaya’s. Not much can be said about her individual character beyond the fact she was doubtlessly related to love and/or sex. She is described as the “grinning one” in an incantation which might be a sexual allusion too, seeing as such expressions are a mainstay of Akkadian erotic poetry. Kanisurra would probably win the award for the fakest sounding Mesopotamian goddess, if such a competition existed. Her name most likely originated as a designation of the gate of the underworld, ganzer. Her default epithet was “lady of the witches” (bēlet kaššāp��ti). And on top of that, like Nanaya and Gazbaba she was associated with sex. She certainly sounds more like a contemporary edgy oc of the Enoby Dimentia Raven Way variety than a bronze age goddess - and yet, she is completely genuine. It is commonly argued Kanisurra and Gazbaba were regarded as Nanaya’s daughters, but there is actually no direct evidence for this. In the only text where their relation to Nanaya is clearly defined they are described as her hairdressers, rather than children. While in some cases the love goddesses appear in love incantations in company of each other almost as if they were some sort of disastrous polycule, occasionally Nanaya is accompanied in them by an anonymous spouse. Together they occur in parallel with Inanna and Dumuzi and Ishara and Almanu, apparently a (accidental?) deification of a term referring to someone without family obligations. There is only one Old Babylonian source which actually assigns a specific identity to Nanaya’s spouse, a hymn dedicated to king Abi-eshuh of Babylon. An otherwise largely unknown god Muati (I patched up his wiki article just for the sake of this blog post) plays this role here. The text presents a curious case of reversal of gender roles: Muati is asked to intercede with Nanaya on behalf of petitioners. Usually this was the role of the wife - the best known case is Aya, the wife of Shamash, who is implored to do just that by Ninsun in the standard edition of the Epic of Gilgamesh. It’s also attested for goddesses such as Laz, Shala, Ninegal or Ninmug… and in the case of Inanna, for Ninshubur.

A Neo-Assyrian statue of Nabu on display in the Iraq Museum (wikimedia commons)

Marten Stol seems to treat Muati and Nabu as virtually the same deity, and on this basis states that Nanaya was already associated with the latter in the Old Babylonian period, but this seems to be a minority position. Other authors pretty consistently assume that Muati was a distinct deity at some point “absorbed” by Nabu. The oldest example of pairing Nanaya with Nabu I am aware of is an inscription dated to the reign of Marduk-apla-iddina I, so roughly to the first half of the twelfth century BCE. The rise of this tradition in the first millennium BCE was less theological and more political. With Babylon once again emerging as a preeminent power, local theologies were supposed to be subordinated to the one followed in the dominant city. Which, at the time, was focused on Nabu, Marduk and Zarpanit. Worth noting that Nabu also had a spouse before, Tashmetum (“reconciliation”). In the long run she was more or less ousted by Nanaya from some locations, though she retained popularity in the north, in Assyria. She is not exactly the most thrilling deity to discuss. I will confess I do not find the developments tied to Nanaya and Nabu to be particularly interesting to cover, but in the long run they might have resulted in Nanaya acquiring probably the single most interesting “supporting cast member” she did not share with Inanna, so we’ll come back to this later. Save for Bizilla, Nanaya generally was not provided with “equivalents” in god lists. I am only aware of one exception, and it’s a very recent discovery. Last year the first ever Akkadian-Amorite bilingual lists were published. This is obviously a breakthrough discovery, as before Amorite was largely known just from personal names despite being a vernacular language over much of the region in the bronze age, but only one line is ultimately of note here. In a section of one of the lists dealing with deities, Nanaya’s Amorite counterpart is said to be Pidray. This goddess is otherwise almost exclusively known from Ugarit. This of course fits very well with the new evidence: recent research generally stresses that Ugarit was quintessentially an Amorite city (the ruling house even claimed descent from mythical Ditanu, who is best known from the grandiose fictional genealogies of Shamshi-Adad I and the First Dynasty of Babylon). Sadly, we do not know how the inhabitants of Ugarit viewed Nanaya. A trilingual version of the Weidner list, with the original version furnished with columns listing Ugaritic and Hurrian counterparts of each deity, was in circulation, but the available copies are too heavily damaged to restore it fully. And to make things worse, much of it seems to boil down to scribal wordplay and there is no guarantee all of the correspondences are motivated theologically. For instance, the minor Mesopotamian goddess Imzuanna is presented as the counterpart of Ugaritic weather god Baal because her name contains a sign used as a shortened logographic writing of the latter. An even funnier case is the awkward attempt at making it clear the Ugaritic sun deity Shapash, who was female, is not a lesbian… by making Aya male. Just astonishing, really.

The worship of Nanaya

A speculative reconstruction of Ur III Uruk with the Eanna temple visible in the center (Artefacts — Scientific Illustration & Archaeological Reconstruction; reproduced here for educational purposes only, as permitted)

Rather fittingly, as a deity associated with Inanna, Nanaya was worshiped chiefly in Uruk. She is also reasonably well attested in the inscriptions of the short-lived local dynasty which regained independence near the end of the period of domination of Larsa over Lower Mesopotamia. A priest named after her, a certain Iddin-Nanaya, for a time served as the administrator of her temple, the Enmeurur, “house which gathers all the me,” me being a difficult to translate term, something like “divine powers”. The acquisition of new me is a common topic in Mesopotamian literature, and in compositions focused on Inanna in particular, so it should not be surprising to anyone that her peculiar double seemingly had similar interests. In addition to Uruk, as well as Nippur and Ur, after the Ur III period Nanaya spread to multiple other cities, including Isin, Mari, Babylon and Kish. However, she is probably by far the best attested in Larsa, where she rose to the rank of one of the main deities, next to Utu, Inanna, Ishkur and Nergal. She had her own temple, the Eshahulla, “house of a happy heart”. In local tradition Inanna got to keep her role as an “universal” major goddess and her military prerogatives, but Nanaya overtook the role of a goddess of love almost fully. Inanna’s astral aspect was also locally downplayed, since Venus was instead represented in the local pantheon by closely associated, but firmly distinct, Ninsianna. This deity warrants some more discussion in the future just due to having a solid claim to being one of the first genderfluid literary figures in history, but due to space constraints this cannot be covered in detail here. A later inscription from the same city differentiates between Nanaya and Inanna by giving them different epithets: Nanaya is the “queen of Uruk and Eanna” (effectively usurping Nanaya’s role) while Inanna is the “queen of Nippur” (that’s actually a well documented hypostasis of her, not to be confused with the unrelated “lady of Nippur”). Uruk was temporarily abandoned in the late Old Babylonian period, but that did not end Nanaya’s career. Like Inanna, she came to be temporarily relocated to Kish. It has been suggested that a reference to her residence in “Kiššina” in a Hurro-Hittite literary text, the Tale of Appu, reflects her temporary stay there. The next centuries of Nanaya are difficult to reconstruct due to scarce evidence, but it is clear she continued to be worshiped in Uruk. By the Neo-Babylonian period she was recognized as a member of an informal pentad of the main deities of the city, next to Inanna, Urkayitu, Usur-amassu and Beltu-sa-Resh. Two of them warrant no further discussion: Urkayitu was most likely a personification of the city, and Beltu-sa-Resh despite her position is still a mystery to researchers. Usur-amassu, on the contrary, is herself a fascinating topic. First attestations of this deity, who was seemingly associated with law and justice (a pretty standard concern), come back to the Old Babylonian period. At this point, Usur-amassu was clearly male, which is reflected by the name. He appears in the god list An = Anum as a son of the weather deity couple par excellence, Adad (Ishkur) and Shala. However, by the early first millennium BCE Usur-amassu instead came to be regarded as female - without losing the connection to her parents. She did however gain a connection to Inanna, Nanaya and Kanisurra, which she lacked earlier. How come remains unknown. Most curiously her name was not modified to reflect her new gender, though she could be provided with a determinative indicating it. This recalls the case of Lagamal in the kingdom of Mari some 800 years earlier.

The end of the beginning: Nanaya under Achaemenids and Seleucids

Trilingual (Persian, Elamite and Akkadian) inscription of the first Achamenid ruler of Mesopotamia, Cyrus (wikimedia commons)

After the fall of the Neo-Babylonian Empire Mesopotamia ended up under Achaemenid control, which in turn was replaced by the Seleucids. Nanaya flourished through both of these periods. In particular, she attained considerable popularity among Arameans. While they almost definitely first encountered her in Uruk, she quickly came to be venerated by them in many distant locations, like Palmyra, Hatra and Dura Europos in Syria. She even appears in a single Achaemenid Aramaic papyrus discovered in Elephantine in Egypt. It indicates that she was worshiped there by a community which originated in Rash, an area east to the Tigris. As a curiosity it’s worth mentioning the same source is one of the only attestations of Pidray from outside Ugarit. I do not think this has anything to do with the recently discovered connection between her and Nanaya… but you may never know. Under the Seleucids, Nanaya went through a particularly puzzling process of partial syncretism. Through interpretatio graeca she was identified with… Artemis. How did this work? The key to understanding this is the fact Seleucids actually had a somewhat limited interest in local deities. All that was necessary was to find relatively major members of the local pantheon who could roughly correspond to the tutelary deities of their dynasty: Zeus, Apollo and Artemis. Zeus found an obvious counterpart in Marduk (even though Marduk was hardly a weather god). Since Nabu was Marduk’s son, he got to be Apollo. And since Nanaya was the most major goddess connected to Nabu, she got to be Artemis. It really doesn’t go deeper than that. For what it’s worth, despite the clear difference in character this newfound association did impact Nanaya in at least one way: she started to be depicted with attributes borrowed from Artemis, namely a bow and a crescent. Or perhaps these attributes were already associated with her, but came to the forefront because of the new role. The Artemis-like image of Nanaya as an archer is attested on coins, especially in Susa, yet another city where she attained considerable popularity.

Leaving Mesopotamia: Nanaya and the death of cuneiform

A Parthian statue of Nanaya with a crescent diadem (Louvre; reproduced here for educational purposes only. Identification follows Andrea Sinclair's proposal)

The Seleucid dynasty was eventually replaced by the Parthians. This period is often considered a symbolic end of ancient Mesopotamian religion in the strict sense. Traditional religious institutions were already slowly collapsing in Achaemenid and Seleucid times as the new dynasties had limited interest in royal patronage. Additionally, cuneiform fell out of use, and by the end of the first half of the first millennium CE the art of reading and writing it was entirely lost. This process did not happen equally quickly everywhere, obviously, and some deities fared better than others in the transitional period before the rise of Christianity and Islam as the dominant religions across the region. Nanaya was definitely one of them, at least for a time. In Parthian art Nanaya might have developed a distinct iconography: it has been argued she was portrayed as a nude figure wearing only some jewelry (including what appears to be a navel piercing and a diadem with a crescent. The best known example is probably this standing figure, one of my all time favorite works of Mesopotamian art:

Parthian Nanaya (wikimedia commons; identification courtesy of the Louvre website and J. G. Westenholz)

For years Wikipedia had this statue mislabeled as “Astarte” which makes little sense considering it comes from a necropolis near Babylon. There was also a viral horny tweet which labeled it as “Asherah” a few months ago (I won’t link it but I will point out in addition to getting the name wrong op also severely underestimated the size). This is obviously even worse nonsense both on spatial and temporal grounds. Even if the biblical Asherah was ever an actual deity like Ugaritic Athirat and Mesopotamian Ashratum, it is highly dubious she would still be worshiped by the time this statue was made. It’s not even certain she ever was a deity, though. Cognate of a theonym is not automatically a theonym itself, and the Ugaritic texts and the Bible, even if they share some topoi, are separated by centuries and a considerable distance. This is not an Asherah post though, so if this is a topic which interests you I recommend downloading Steve A. Wiggins’ excellent monograph A Reassessment of Asherah: With Further Considerations of the Goddess.

The last evidence for the worship of Nanaya in Mesopotamia is a Mandaean spell from Nippur, dated to the fifth or sixth century CE. However, at this point Nanaya must have been a very faint memory around these parts, since the figure designated by this name is evidently male in this formula. That was not the end of her career, though. The system of beliefs she originated and thrived in was on its way out, but there were new frontiers to explore. A small disgression is in order here: be INCREDIBLY wary of claims about the survival of Mesopotamian tradition in Mesopotamia itself past the early middle ages. Most if not all of these come from the writing of Simo Parpola, who is a 19th century style hyperdiffusionist driven by personal religious beliefs based on gnostic christianity, which he believes was based on Neo-Assyrian state religion, which he misinterprets as monotheism, or rather proto-christianity specifically (I wish I was making this up). I personally do not think a person like that should be tolerated in serious academia, but for some incomprehensible reason that isn’t the case.

New frontiers: Nanaya in Bactria

The key to Nanaya’s extraordinarily long survival wasn’t the dedication to her in Mesopotamia, surprisingly. It was instead her introduction to Bactria, a historical area in Central Asia roughly corresponding to parts of modern Afghanistan, Tajikistan and Uzbekistan. The early history of this area is still poorly known, though it is known that it was one of the “cradles of civilization” not unlike Mesopotamia, the Indus Valley or Mesoamerica. The so-called “Oxus civilization” or “Bactria-Margiana Archaeological Complex” flourished around 2500-1950 BCE (so roughly contemporarily with the Akkadian and Ur III empires in Mesopotamia). It left behind no written records, but their art and architecture are highly distinctive and reflect great social complexity. I sadly can’t spent much time discussing them here though, as they are completely irrelevant to the history of Nanaya (there is a theory that she was already introduced to the east when BMAC was extant but it is incredibly implausible), so I will limit myself to showing you my favorite related work of art, the “Bactrian princess”:

Photo courtesy of Louvre Abu Dhabi, reproduced here for educational purposes only.

By late antiquity, which is the period we are concerned with here, BMAC was long gone, and most of the inhabitants of Bactria spoke Bactrian, an extinct Iranian language. How exactly they were related to their BMAC forerunners is uncertain. Their religious beliefs can be compared to Zoroastrianism, or rather with its less formalized forerunners followed by most speakers of Iranian languages before the rise of Zoroaster. However, there were many local peculiarities. For example, the main deity was the personified river Oxus, not Ahura Mazda. Whether this was a relic of BMAC religion is impossible to tell.We do not know exactly when the eastward transfer of Nanaya to Bactria happened. The first clear evidence for her presence in central Asia comes from the late first century BCE, from the coins of local rulers, Sapadbizes and Agesiles. It is possible that her depictions on coinage of Mesopotamian and Persian rulers facilitated her spread. Of course, it’s also important to remember that the Aramaic script and language spread far to the east in the Achaemenid period already, and that many of the now extinct Central Asian scripts were derived from it (Bactrian was written with the Greek script, though). Doubtlessly many now lost Aramaic texts were transferred to the east. There’s an emerging view that for unclear reasons, under the Achaemenids Mesopotamian culture as a whole had unparalleled impact on Bactria. The key piece of evidence are Bactrian temples, which often resemble Mesopotamian ones. Therefore, perhaps we should be wondering not why Nanaya spread from Mesopotamia to Central Asia, but rather why there were no other deities who did, for the most part. That is sadly a question I cannot answer. Something about Nanaya simply made her uniquely appealing to many groups at once. While much about the early history of Nanaya in Central Asia is a mystery, it is evident that with time she ceased to be viewed as a foreign deity. For the inhabitants of Bactria she wasn’t any less “authentically Iranian” than the personified Oxus or their versions of the conventional yazatas like Sraosha. Frequently arguments are made that Nanaya’s widespread adoption and popularity could only be the result of identification between her and another deity.Anahita in particular is commonly held to be a candidate. However, as stressed by recent studies there’s actually no evidence for this. What is true is that Anahita is notably missing from the eastern Iranian sources, despite being prominent in the west from the reign of the Achaemenid emperor Artaxerxes II onward. However, it is clear that not all yazatas were equally popular in each area - pantheons will inevitably be localized in each culture. Furthermore, Anahita’s character has very little in common with Nanaya save for gender. Whether we are discussing her early not quite Zoroastrian form the Achaemenid public was familiar with or the contemporary yazata still relevant in modern Zoroastrianism, the connection to water is the most important feature of her. Nanaya didn’t have such a role in any culture. Recently some authors suggested a much more obvious explanation for Anahita’s absence from the eastern Iranian pantheon(s). As I said, eastern Iranian communities venerated the river Oxus as a deity (or as a yazata, if you will). He was the water god par excellence, and in Bactria also the king of the gods. It is therefore quite possible that Anahita, despite royal backing from the west, simply couldn’t compete with him. Their roles overlapped more than the roles of Anahita and Nanaya. I am repeating myself but the notion of interchangeability of goddesses really needs to be distrusted almost automatically, no matter how entrenched it wouldn’t be. While we’re at it, the notion of alleged interchangeability between Anahita and Ishtar is also highly dubious, but that’s a topic for another time.

Nana (Nanaya) on a coin of Kanishka (wikimedia commons)

Nanaya experienced a period of almost unparalleled prosperity with the rise of the Kushan dynasty in Bactria. The Kushans were one of the groups which following Chinese sources are referred to as Yuezhi. They probably did not speak any Iranian language originally, and their origin is a matter of debate. However, they came to rule over a kingdom which consisted largely of areas inhabited by speakers of various Iranian languages, chiefly Bactrian. Their pantheon, documented in royal inscriptions and on coinage, was an eerie combination of mainstays of Iranian beliefs like Sraosha and Mithra and some unique figures, like Oesho, who was seemingly the reflection of Hindu Shiva. Obviously, Nanaya was there too, typically under the shortened name Nana. The most famous Kushan ruler, emperor Kanishka, in his inscription from Rabatak states that kingship was bestowed upon him by “Nana and all the gods”. However, we do not know if the rank assigned to her indicates she was the head of the dynastic pantheon, the local pantheon in the surrounding area, or if she was just the favorite deity of Kanishka. Same goes for the rank of numerous other deities mentioned in the rest of the inscription. Her apparent popularity during Kanishka’s reign and beyond indicates her role should not be downplayed, though. The coins of Kanishka and other Bactrian art indicate that a new image of Nanaya developed in Central Asia. The Artemis-like portrayals typical for Hellenistic times continue to appear, but she also started to be depicted on the back of a lion. There is only one possible example of such an image from the west, a fragmentary relief from Susa, and it’s roughly contemporary with the depictions from Bactria. While it is not impossible Nanaya originally adopted the lion association from one of her Mesopotamian peers, it is not certain how exactly this specific type of depictions originally developed, and there is a case to be made that it owed more to the Hellenistic diffusion of iconography of deities such as Cybele and Dionysus, who were often depicted riding on the back of large felines. The lunar symbols are well attested in the Kushan art of Nanaya too. Most commonly, she’s depicted wearing a diadem with a crescent. However, in a single case the symbol is placed behind her back. This is an iconographic type which was mostly associated with Selene at first, but in the east it was adopted for Mah, the Iranian personification of the moon. I’d hazard a guess that’s where Nanaya borrowed it from - more on that later. The worship of Nanaya survived the fall of the Kushan dynasty, and might have continued in Bactria as late as in the eighth century. However, the evidence is relatively scarce, especially compared with yet another area where she was introduced in the meanwhile.

Nanaya in Sogdia: new home and new friends

A Sogdian depiction of Nanaya from Bunjikat (wikimedia commons)

Presumably from Bactria, Nanaya was eventually introduced to Sogdia, its northern neighbor. I think it’s safe to say this area effectively became her new home for the rest of her history. Like Bactrians, the Sogdians also spoke an eastern Iranian language, Sogdian. It has a direct modern descendant, Yaghnobi, spoken by a small minority in Tajikistan. The religions Sogdians adhered to is often described as a form of Zoroastrianism, especially in older sources, but it would appear that Ahura Mazda was not exactly the most popular deity. Their pantheon was seemingly actually headed by Nanaya. Or, at the very least, the version of it typical for Samarkand and Panijkant, since there’s a solid case to be made for local variety in the individual city-states which made up Sogdia. It seems that much like Mesopotamians and Greeks centuries before them, Sogdians associated specific deities with specific cities, and not every settlement necessarily venerated each deity equally (or at all). Nanaya's remarkable popularity is reflected by the fact the name Nanaivandak, "servant of Nanaya", is one of the most common Sogdian names in general. It is agreed that among the Sogdians Panjikant was regarded as Nanaya’s cult center. She was referred to as “lady” of this city. At one point, her temple located there was responsible for minting the local currency. By the eighth century, coins minted there were adorned with dedications to her - something unparalleled in Sogdian culture, as the rest of coinage was firmly secular. This might have been an attempt at reasserting Sogdian religious identity in the wake of the arrival of Islam in Central Asia. Sogdians adopted the Kushan iconography of Nanaya, though only the lion-mounted version. The connection between her and this animal was incredibly strong in Sogdian art, with no other deity being portrayed on a similar mount. There were also innovations - Nanaya came to be frequently portrayed with four arms. This reflects the spread of Buddhism through central Asia, which brought new artistic conventions from India. While the crescent symbol can still be found on her headwear, she was also portrayed holding representations of the moon and the sun in two of her hands. Sometimes the solar disc and lunar orb are decorated with faces, which has been argued to be evidence that Nanaya effectively took over the domains of Mah and Mithra, who would be the expected divine identities of these two astral bodies. She might have been understood as controlling the passage of night and day. It has also been pointed out that this new iconographic type is the natural end point of the evolution of her astral role. Curiously, while no such a function is attested for Nanaya in Bactria, in Sogdia she could be sometimes regarded as a warlike deity. This is presumably reflected in a painting showing her and an unidentified charioteer fighting demons.

The "Sogdian Deities" painting from Dunhuang, a possible depiction of Nanaya and her presumed spouse Tish (wikimedia commons)

Probably the most fascinating development regarding Nanaya in Sogdia was the development of an apparent connection between her and Tish. This deity was the Sogdian counterpart of one of the best known Zoroastrian yazatas, Tishtrya, the personification of Sirius. As described in the Tištar Yašt, the latter is a rainmaking figure and a warlike protector who keeps various nefarious forces, such as Apaosha, Duzyariya and the malign “worm stars” (comets), at bay. Presumably his Sogdian counterpart had a similar role. While this is not absolutely certain, it is generally agreed that Nanaya and Tish were regarded as a couple in central Asia (there’s a minority position she was instead linked with Oesho, though). Most likely the fact that in Achaemenid Persia Tishtrya was linked with Nabu (and by extension with scribal arts) has something to do with this. There is a twist to this, though. While both Nabu and the Avestan Tishtrya are consistently male, in Bactria and Sogdia the corresponding deity’s gender actually shows a degree of ambiguity. On a unique coin of Kanishka, Tish is already portrayed as a feminine figure distinctly similar to Greek Artemis - an iconographic type which normally would be recycled for Nanaya. There’s also a possibility that a feminine, or at least crossdressing, version of Tish is portrayed alongside Nanaya on a painting from Dunhuang conventionally referred to as “Sogdian Daēnās” or “Sogdian Deities”, but this remains uncertain. If this identification is correct, it indicates outright interchange of attributes between them and Nanaya was possible.

The final frontier: Nanaya and the Sogdian diaspora in China Sogdians also brought Nanaya with them to China, where many of them settled in the Six Dynasties and Tang periods. An obviously Sinicized version of her, accompanied by two attendants of unknown identity, is portrayed on a Sogdian funerary couch presently displayed in the Miho Museum.

Nanaya (top) on a relief from the Miho funerary couch (Miho Museum; reproduced here for educational purposes only)

For the most part the evidence is limited to theophoric names, though. Due to unfamiliarity with Sogdian religious traditions and phonetic differences between the languages there was no consistent Chinese transcription of Nanaya’s name. I have no clue if Chinese contemporaries of the Sogdians were always aware of these elements in personal names referred to a deity. There is a fringe theory that Nanaya was referred to as Nantaihou (那那女主, “queen Nana”) in Chinese. However, the evidence is apparently not compelling, and as I understand the theory depends in no small part on the assertion that a hitherto unattested alternate reading of one of the signs was in use on the western frontiers of China in the early first millennium CE. The alleged Nantaihou is therefore most likely a misreading of a reference to a deceased unnamed empress dowager venerated through conventional ancestor worship, as opposed to Nanaya. Among members of the Sogdian diaspora, in terms of popularity Nanaya was going head to head with Jesus and Buddha. The presence of the latter two reflected the adoption of, respectively, Manichaeism and Buddhism. Manicheans seemingly were not fond of Nanaya, though, and fragments of a polemic against her cult have been identified. It seems ceremonies focused on lamentations were the main issue for the Manichaeans. Sadly there doesn’t seem to be any worthwhile study of possible Mesopotamian influence on that - the only one I found is old and confuses Nanaya with Inanna. We do not have much of an idea how Buddhists viewed Nanaya, though it is worth noting a number of other Sogdian deities were incorporated into the local form of Mahayana (unexpectedly, one of them was Zurvan). It has also been argued that a Buddhist figure, Vreshman (Vaisravana) was incorporated into Nanaya’s entourage. Nanaya might additionally be depicted in a painting showing Buddha’s triumph over Mara from Dunhuang. Presumably her inclusion would reflect the well attested motif of local deities converting to Buddhism. It was a part of the Buddhist repertoire from the early days of this religion and can be found in virtually every area where this religion ever spread. Nanaya is once again in elevated company here, since other figures near her have been tentatively interpreted as Shiva, Vishnu, Kartikeya and… Zoroaster.

Buddha conquering Mara (maravijaya) on a painting from Dunhuang (wikimedia commons)

zoom in on a possible depiction of Nanaya next to a demon suspiciously similar to Tove Jansson’s Fillyjonk

To my best knowledge, the last absolutely certain attestation of Nanaya as an actively worshiped deity also comes from the western frontier of China. A painting from Dandan Oilik belonging to the artistic tradition of the kingdom of Khotan shows three deities from the Sogdian pantheon: the enigmatic Āδβāγ (“highest god”; interpreted as either Indra, Ahura Mazda or a combination of them both) on the left, Weshparkar (a later version of Kushan Oesho) on the right and Nanaya in the center. It dates to the ninth or tenth century.

Nanaya (center) on the Dandan Oilik painting (wikimedia commons)

We will probably never know what Nanaya’s last days were like, though it is hard to imagine she retained much relevance with the gradual disappearance of Sogdian culture both in Sogdia and in China in the wake of, respectively, the rise of Islam in Central Asia and the An Lushan rebellion respectively. Her history ultimately most likely ended with a whimper rather than a bang. Conclusions and reflections Obviously, not everything about Nanaya could be covered in this article - there is enough material to warrant not one, but two wiki articles (and I don't even think they are extensive enough yet). I hope I did nonetheless manage to convey what matters: she was the single most enduring Mesopotamian deity who continued to be actually worshiped. She somehow outlived Enlil, Marduk, Nergal and even Inanna, and spread further than any of them ever did. It does not seem like her persistence was caused by some uniquely transcendent quality, and more to a mix of factors we will never really fully understand and pure luck. She is a far cry from the imaginary everlasting universal goddesses such longevity was attributed to by many highly questionable authors in the past, from Frazer to Gimbutas. Quite the opposite, once you look into the texts focused on her she comes across as sort of pathetic. After all, most of them are effectively ancient purple prose. And yet, this is precisely why I think Nanaya matters. To see how an author approaches her is basically a litmus test of trustworthiness - I wish I was kidding but this “Nanaya method” works every time. To even be able to study her history, let alone understand it properly, one has to cast away most of the dreadful trends which often hindered scholarship of ancient deities, and goddesses in particular, in the past. The interchangeability of goddesses; the Victorian mores and resulting notion that eroticism must be tied to fertility; the weird paradigms about languages neatly corresponding to religions; and many others. And if nothing else, this warrants keeping the memory of her 3000 years long history alive through scholarship (and, perhaps, some media appearances). Bibliography

Julia M. Asher-Greve & Joan Goodnick Westenholz, Goddesses in Context: On Divine Powers, Roles, Relationships and Gender in Mesopotamian Textual and Visual Sources (2013)

Paul-Alain Beaulieu, The Pantheon of Uruk During the Neo-Babylonian Period (2003)

idem, Nabû and Apollo: The Two Faces of Seleucid Religious Policy in: Orient und Okzident in Hellenistischer Zeit (2014)

Matteo Compareti, Nana and Tish in Sogdiana (2017)

idem, The So-Called "Pelliot Chinois 4518.24". Illustrated Document from Dunhuang and Sino-Sogdian Iconographical Contacts (2021)

Olga Drewnowska-Rymarz, Mesopotamian Goddess Nanāja (2008)

Benjamin R. Foster, Before the Muses: an Anthology of Akkadian Literature (2005)

Andrew R. George & Manfred Krebernik, Two Remarkable Vocabularies: Amorite-Akkadian Bilinguals! (2022)

Valerie Hansen, Kageyama Etsuko & Yutaka Yoshida, The Impact of the Silk Road Trade on a Local Community: The Turfan Oasis, 500-800 in: Les sogdiens en Chine (2005)

Wilfred G. Lambert, Babylonian Creation Myths (2013)

Enrico Marcato, An Aramaic Incantation Bowl and the Fall of Hatra (2020)

Christa Müller-Kessler & Karlheinz Kessler, Spätbabylonische Gottheiten in spätantiken mandäischen Texten (1999)

Lilla Russel-Smith, Uygur Patronage in Dunhuang. Regional Art Centres on the Northern Silk Road in the Tenth and Eleventh Centuries (2005)

idem, The 'Sogdian Deities' Twenty Years on: A Reconsideration of a Small Painting from Dunhuang in: Buddhism in Central Asia II. Practices and Rituals, Visual and Material Transfer (2022)

Tonia M. Sharlach, An Ox of One's Own. Royal Wives and Religion at the Court of the Third Dynasty of Ur (2017)

Michael Shenkar, Intangible Spirits and Graven Images: The Iconography of Deities in the Pre-Islamic Iranian World (2014)

idem, The Religion and the Pantheon of the Sogdians (5th-8th Centuries CE) in Light of their Sociopolitical Structures (2017)

idem, The So-Called "Fravašis" and the "Heaven and Hell" Paintings, and the Cult of Nana in Panjikent (2022)

Marten Stol, Nanaja in: Reallexikon der Assyriologie, vol. 9 (1998)

Michael P. Streck & Nathan Wasserman, More Light on Nanāya (2013)

Aaron Tugendhaft, Gods on Clay: Ancient Near Eastern Scholarly Practices and the History of Religions in: Canonical Texts and Scholarly Practices. A Global Comparative Approach (2016)

Joan Goodnick Westenholz, Nanaya, Lady of Mystery in: Sumerian Gods and Their Representations (1997)

idem, Trading the Symbols of the Goddess Nanaya in: Religions and Trade. Religious Formation, Transformation and Cross-Cultural Exchange between East and West (2014)

Xinjiang Rong, The Colophon of the Manuscript of the Golden Light Sutra Excavated in Turfan and the Transmission of Zoroastrianism to Gaochang in: The Silk Road and Cultural Exchanges between East and West (2022)

Gioele Zisa, The Loss of Male Sexual Desire in Ancient Mesopotamia. ›Nīš Libbi‹ Therapies (2021)

#mesopotamian mythology #sumerian mythology #mythology #bactrian mythology #sogdian mythology #sogdia #nanaya

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zapreportsblog · 9 months

Note

If you write for fem black readers can I request Carlisle with a werewolf wife, since wolves are mostly always shirtless sometimes he has to remind her to wear a shirt bc she’s so used to being shirtless that it’s become a bad habit for her? Sometimes she’ll try to warm him up when they’re laying in bed tg by going to bed without a shirt and just some shorts on?

❝warm bodies❞

✭ pairing : carlilse cullen x reader

✭ fandom : twilight

✭ summary : sometimes (y/n) forgets to wear a shirt, it’s a real bad habit of hers that even her husband Carlisle has to remind her almost every day to put one on but it’s a habit that can’t be helped, after all her body runs too damn hot

✭ twilight masterlist 2

The moon hung low in the inky sky, casting eerie shadows through the dense forest. In the heart of the woods, (Y/N) moved stealthily, her senses heightened as she prowled through the night. She wasn't alone, surrounded by her pack, led by the enigmatic Alpha, Sam Uley. As a shapeshifter, (Y/N) had embraced her identity, shifting between her human and wolf forms with ease.

For years, she had belonged to Sam's pack, and they had become her family, her sanctuary. Her life was filled with the howls of her fellow wolves, the thrill of the hunt, and the camaraderie that came with being part of a pack. Yet, destiny had something else in store for her.

One fateful day, while on a routine patrol, (Y/N) had an encounter that would change her life forever. As she ventured deeper into the woods, her senses suddenly overloaded with an intoxicating scent – a scent she had never experienced before. It was like nothing else, drawing her in, and she followed it, her heart pounding with anticipation.

There, standing in a small clearing, was Carlisle Cullen. He was a man of unearthly beauty, his skin as pale as alabaster and his eyes a striking golden hue. The realization struck her like a lightning bolt – he was a vampire. But instead of fear, she felt an overwhelming sense of calm and belonging.

Their eyes met, and in that moment, time seemed to stand still. (Y/N) had heard of imprints, the unbreakable bonds that formed between shifters and their destined mates. She had never believed in such tales, but now she was living one. Carlisle was her imprint, and she was his.

Their connection deepened as they spent more time together, learning about each other's worlds, and falling in love against all odds. However, (Y/N) knew that leaving Sam's pack would not be easy. She had grown close to her fellow wolves, and her departure would surely leave a void.

But destiny had a way of guiding her path. Over the years, she gradually distanced herself from the pack, her bond with Carlisle growing stronger. She began to feel a new sense of purpose, one that extended beyond the boundaries of her old life.

(Y/N) found herself drawn to the Olympic clan, a coven of vampires who were unlike any others she had encountered. Edward, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper welcomed her with open arms, seeing her as a mother figure, a source of guidance and protection. In her, they found the maternal love they had longed for.

As the years passed, (Y/N) and Carlisle's love deepened, and they decided to take the ultimate step – to get married. It was a ceremony unlike any other, uniting a shapeshifter and a vampire in eternal love.

The day she left Sam's pack was bittersweet, but she knew she was following her heart, forging a new path with the family she had chosen. She embraced her role as a mother figure to the Olympic clan, guiding them with wisdom and love.

As she stood by Carlisle's side, their hands intertwined, (Y/N) knew that her life had taken a remarkable turn. She had gone from being a member of a wolf pack to becoming the matriarch of a vampire coven. Her journey was just beginning, and she was ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead with the love of her life and her newfound family by her side.

Several years had passed since (Y/N) had left Sam's pack and embraced her new life as a member of the Olympic clan. Time had been kind to her, and her bond with Carlisle had only deepened with each passing day. Yet, some things remained unchanged.

One of those things was (Y/N)'s unique trait as a shifter – her body ran hot. It was a characteristic shared by most of Sam's pack, a constant reminder of their supernatural nature. This meant that (Y/N) had a tendency to walk around shirtless, often sporting a sports bra, especially in the scorching summer months.

It was a habit she had picked up during her time with the pack, and it had become second nature to her. To her, it was simply a way to stay cool in the heat, and she never thought twice about it. However, it did raise a few eyebrows among the Cullens, who were accustomed to a more modest way of dressing.

Carlisle, in particular, found himself constantly reminding (Y/N) to put on a shirt before she left the house. It had become a playful ritual between them, one that never failed to make him smile.

"(Y/N), darling, please remember to put on a shirt," Carlisle would say with a gentle smile as he kissed her goodbye in the morning.

She would roll her eyes, grinning mischievously. "You worry too much, Carlisle. It's not like I'm going to walk into town like this."

But sometimes, she did. (Y/N) was known for her fearless spirit and her love of the outdoors. She would often go on long hikes or runs through the dense forests surrounding their home, and occasionally, she'd forget to change into more conventional attire.

One sunny afternoon, as (Y/N) was about to head out for a run, Carlisle caught her at the door wearing only a sports bra and shorts. He raised an amused eyebrow, a fond smile playing on his lips.

"(Y/N), you promised," he teased, though there was a hint of concern in his eyes.

She chuckled and walked over to him, planting a soft kiss on his lips. "I know, I know. I'll put on a shirt when I get back, I promise."

Carlisle couldn't help but shake his head, both exasperated and enchanted by the fiery spirit of his mate. "Just be careful, my love."

As she bounded into the woods, (Y/N) couldn't help but feel grateful for the life she had found with Carlisle and the Cullens. They were her family now, and she cherished every moment with them. She knew that her unique habits might raise a few eyebrows, but she had no intention of changing who she was. After all, it was just one more way her bond with Carlisle remained as sizzling as ever.

1. The Morning Ritual :

Every morning, like clockwork, Carlisle would gently remind (Y/N) to put on a shirt before she left for her day. It had become their little routine, a loving and teasing exchange that began their day on a warm note.

2. The Hike :

One sunny weekend, (Y/N) decided to go on a hike with Rosalie and Emmett. As they set out on the trail, Carlisle couldn't help but shake his head and laugh, reminding her one more time to put on a shirt. She reluctantly agreed but ended up tying her shirt around her waist after the first mile.

3. The Family Gathering :

During a family gathering at their home, (Y/N) casually strolled into the living room in just a sports bra and shorts, prompting a chorus of raised eyebrows from the Cullens. Carlisle cleared his throat and whispered a reminder to her, causing her to blush and quickly fetch a shirt.

4. The Run to Town :

One day, (Y/N) decided to run into town for some supplies. Carlisle, noticing her attire, leaned in and reminded her with a playful smirk. She laughed and assured him she'd grab a shirt from the car, though she didn't see the point in town.

5. The Surprise Visit :

Alice had a tendency to surprise (Y/N) with impromptu visits. One such day, she burst into the house, only to find (Y/N) relaxing on the couch in her usual sports bra and shorts. Carlisle and Alice exchanged a knowing look, and Carlisle discreetly nudged his wife to put on a shirt.

6. The Midnight Craving :

Late one night, (Y/N) had an insatiable craving for ice cream. In her haste to get a bowl from the kitchen, she forgot to put on a shirt. As she scooped the ice cream, Carlisle entered the kitchen, chuckling softly, and gently reminded her. She blushed but shrugged it off, savoring her late-night treat.

7. The Family Football Game :

The Cullens decided to have a family football game in their backyard. (Y/N) was an enthusiastic participant, but her choice of attire, or lack thereof, raised a few eyebrows. Carlisle took her aside with a grin and whispered his familiar reminder. She laughed and grabbed a jersey this time, joining the game with even more energy.

And the One Time She Remembered To Wear One Herself :

It was a beautiful, sunny day, and (Y/N) decided to spend some quiet time in the garden. As she got up from her chair to tend to the flowers, she suddenly stopped in her tracks, realizing she was still wearing her shirt. With a triumphant grin, she slipped into her favorite gardening shirt and sunglasses, surprising Carlisle when she walked back into the house fully clothed. He beamed at her, impressed by her newfound initiative, and they shared a loving, shirt-wearing moment.

The night was calm, the moonlight spilling through the curtains and casting a gentle glow in the room. (Y/N) and Carlisle lay intertwined on their bed, cocooned in a sea of blankets. It was a rare moment of serenity for the couple, a precious oasis of peace in their immortal lives.

Carlisle, being a vampire, had long lost the capacity to feel cold or warmth in the way humans did. Yet, he cherished the sensation of (Y/N)'s warm skin against his own. Her body radiated heat, a constant reminder of her shifter nature, and he found himself drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

As they lay there, (Y/N) shifted closer to Carlisle, nuzzling her face against his chest. His cool skin provided a stark contrast to her warmth, and she relished the feeling of his arms around her. Even though he didn't feel cold, Carlisle embraced her with a gentle, protective hold, savoring the intimate connection they shared.

Her fingers traced soothing patterns on his skin, and he closed his eyes, reveling in the tranquility of the moment. They didn't need words to communicate; their closeness spoke volumes. It was a testament to their deep love and understanding of each other, a love that transcended the boundaries of their supernatural existences.

Carlisle pressed a soft kiss to (Y/N)'s forehead, his lips brushing against her skin. "You're my source of warmth, my love," he whispered, his voice a soft melody in the quiet room.

(Y/N) smiled against his chest, her heart swelling with affection. "And you're my eternal light in the darkness," she replied, her words a testament to the enduring bond they shared.

In the stillness of the night, they continued to cuddle, finding solace and contentment in the simple act of being together. For (Y/N) and Carlisle, their love was a beacon, a guiding star that illuminated the path of their immortal existence, and in each other's arms, they found their sanctuary.

#x reader #x reader one shot #x reader oneshot #twilight imagine #twilight imagines #twilight x reader #twilight masterlist #carlisle x reader #carlisle cullen #carlisle imagine #carlisle imagines #twilight carlisle #carlisle cullen x reader #carlisle cullen imagine #twilight x you #twilight x shifter reader #twilight x y/n

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enhaheeseung · 2 months

Text

Toxic - L. Heeseung

Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!

Warning: oral male receiving, suggestive, cursing, crying, mentions of cheating, angst.

Genre: ex's, toxic relationship, smut, mdni!

WC: 2,924k

After heeseung left, you sat in your bed wondering where it all went wrong.

If you were being honest, it has always been somewhat wrong.

Your relationship with heeseung was far from perfect, not to say you needed it to be perfect, but there were a lot of grey areas that you tried to address but couldn’t fully, especially when he was always saying one thing and doing the opposite.

There were many instances where looking back at it, you should have maybe evaluated things more properly, but at the time, you brushed it off, thinking that it was kinda normal for your boyfriend to be jealous or a little insecure sometimes, and since his possessive side flattered you you just let it go and assured him he was all you ever wanted.

But you soon came to realize there was nothing normal about his reactions to certain situations.

It got increasingly worse, but it happened very slowly and subtly, and by the time you noticed it, it was already full-on affecting your relationship to the point of you both ultimately separating, causing his inability to believe that he was enough for you.

Thinking back on it, there were so many times his behavior was downright toxic, and now you can’t help but wonder if you played a role in it or not.

In the beginning, you were sure you didn’t, but after the way he talked to you just now, a part of you was searching deep inside yourself for answers that maybe could have changed the outcome of your guy's relationship.

Flashback 1

“Hee, which one do you like best?” You and your boyfriend were currently shopping at a clothing outlet in the mall, and you had invited him to help you find a few new outfits for summer.

“Whatever shows the most skin” he replied dryly while shoving his hands in his pocket with an annoyed expression.

You let out an airy laugh, wondering where this snotty comment came from. “Okay, is there something I’m missing?” You took it lightly cause he had been acting strange all day today, so maybe he just wasn’t feeling like shopping and said the first thing that came to mind. “You don’t seem like yourself.” You put the two dresses down and cupped his cheek in your palm.

He nuzzled his face into your touch his eyes falling shut with a deep sigh. “Baby, it’s just everyone is looking at you today, and I can’t stand it. Even the cashier can’t take his eyes off you. Why didn’t you wear something less revealing?” He complains.

“Oh hee,” you pecked his lips shortly. “I haven’t even noticed 'cause I’m with the best man on the planet.” he smiles at your words, his heart rate turning back to normal, at least for now, but your shopping trip was far from over.

You didn’t bother to address his other comment cause you were dressed fine. You chalked it up to him being jealous and moved on quickly to finish shopping.

And just when he thought the trip was going somewhat okay when you both got to the register, he finally lost it.

“Thank you. Please come again!” The male cashier says with a bright smile, handing you your bag of clothes.

Heeseung was already annoyed by how the worker kept smiling at you, but when you smiled back, it just enraged him even further.

“You looked like you were two seconds away from running behind the cash register and dropping to your knees to suck him off” he roughly intertwined his fingers with yours, taking the bag from you so you wouldn’t have to hold it the rest of the trip.

“Hee, not this again.” You laughed because you had no idea what he was even going on about, but you kinda liked this jealous side of him.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t see the way he was looking at you,” he scoffs and squeezes your hand a little tighter while surveying the mall that was full of other guys that he deemed were more attractive than him.

“Well, you’re not entirely wrong,” you giggle.

“What do you mean?” He says with worry.

“I do want to suck someone off, just not him,” you say with a mischievous smile as you squeeze his hand and lead him to the nearest clothing store with a fitting room in it.

“Y/n, why are we-“You push him inside the open dressing room, quickly locking the door behind the two of you as you start to fiddle with the button on his jeans.

“Why are you shocked, baby?” You say and place your hands on his chest, pushing him to sit on the small bench in the corner. He drops your shopping bags to the floor, obediently sitting down for you.

“I- ummm.” he stops himself, knowing that anything that came out of his mouth was going to sound incoherent and ridiculous at this point.

You don’t bother exchanging any more words since you are in a public place. After all, you both had to be quick. besides, talking could wait till later. You had better things to do with your mouth right now.

Gripping the waist of his pants, you tug them down around his ankles with the help of him raising his hips.

Smiling at the sight of his semi-hardened bulge through his underwear, you place your hand over it, rubbing his length under his clothing. “Fuck” he sighs and rests his head on the wall behind him spreading his legs open wider.

Slipping his boxers to the side, you pull his cock out through the hole in the front, marveling at the sight of precum running from his pink tip.

Without another second passing by, you stick your tongue out, tracing the tip of his cock, teasing him but just a little.

“You taste so good” he twitches at your words, his cock pathetically throbbing in your hand from the smallest touch.

After the first taste, you go back for another and another until his tip is clean of precum, and of course, that wasn’t enough for you or him, so you sink down on his dick, your mouth working his shaft up and down until your slick saliva wets his entire dick. “Baby…” the pet name hangs in the air while you suck him off, your right hand tugging and occasionally squeezing his base while the other takes care of his full balls.

You looked up at him with nothing but desire filling your eyes while lapping at the underside of his cock.

He places his hand on the back of your head, gently guiding you. “Oh my god,” quick pants replace the once steady breaths he let out, and by the way, he’s twitching on your tongue. You know it’s only a matter of time before you get your creamy dessert.

You pull off of him for a quick breather, but your mouth covers him again in less than a second, taking his breath away completely. “Y/n, fuck, fuck me, it feels so good,” he moans, biting on his lip as he digs his nails into the wooden bench, definitely leaving marks in its glossy finish.

You hum around his girth cock, creating a little tingly sensation on his sensitive dick tipping him over the edge easily. “I’m gonna cum” he whines lowly and fills your mouth with hot seed. You can feel every last little squirt until there is nothing but a few little drops left to coat your tongue. You swallow it all and slow the movement of your hands carefully so as not to overstimulate him or make him uncomfortable.

He was breathing heavily, eyes barely open as you showed him your tongue.

He smirks tiredly and pats your head. “Too bad for everyone else. You’re all mine.” he pulls you into a kiss, not caring about tasting himself on your tongue.

“Yeah, too bad,” you tell him playfully with a smirk on your face.

Flashback 2

“You really have to go out tonight?” Heeseung says into your ear, his arms wrapped around your waist as you put the finishing touches on your outfit for your night out.

“Baby, what do you mean tonight? I haven’t gone out in months.” You turn around in his hold, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“It’s still too often” he kissed you back. “You need to be with me at all times, not at some party.”

“It’s one night for a few hours. I’ll be back soon.” You break away from him, going to the front door to get some shoes on.

“Hours?! Who’s gonna be there?” He follows you to the living room.

“Jay-“You don’t even get to list any more names before he cuts off.

“Nope, you can’t go. I see the way he looks at you, and with the way you’re dressed, no, that definitely can’t happen,” he says sternly.

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” You pout you were fully dressed from head to toe, so you didn’t see what the problem was. “And what’s wrong with Jay? He always treats me like family.”

“Family? He’s been wanting to fuck you since we started dating, and what isn’t wrong with this?” He traces his hands over your outfit, shaping every curve of your body. “Leaves nothing to the imagination of what you look like naked.”

“Hee, I think you’re overreacting,” you mumble, feeling a bit disappointed with his response.

“Baby, no, hey.” he grabs your chin and tilts it upward, looking into your eyes. “I’m just looking out for you, okay? Unless you don’t want me to.”

“It’s not that it’s jus-“

“Then stay home for me, yeah? Boyfriend knows best; besides, you got me. There’s no need to party.” he smiles and leads to the couch but notices your grumpy figure slouched beside him. “What’s wrong?” He asks, stroking your shoulder.

“It’s nothing,” you tell him to end potential conflict.

“You want to go out still, is that it?” He says, and he sounds a bit irritated this time, and this is exactly what you have been trying to avoid. “Then go,” he said, pops his mouth, and takes his arm off your shoulder. “Fuck off with Jay. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you dressed like you want to be railed.”

“What are you talking about?” You raised your voice slightly, wondering where any of this was coming from. You knew he was a little jealous at times, but he was taking it way too far tonight.

“Don’t yell.” his eyes softened as he whispered. “I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to upset you; I just was trying to look out for you.” he shrinks back onto the couch, and now you feel bad for talking to him the way you did. “But I guess I’m failing at that too.”

“Hee” you go back to the couch sitting next to him. “Wait, I’m sorry too.” You rubbed his back in slow, soothing circles. “You’re aren’t failing. You’re doing a great job of looking out for me.”

“Really?” He mumbles a small pout on his lips, and it always confused you how fast he was able to change moods.

“Really, baby, I won’t go. I’ll go get changed into something comfortable, and we can cuddle and watch movies all night, okay?” You kissed his nose.

“Yeah?” his smile returns, and you’re happy about that cause the last thing you ever wanted to do was hurt him or make him sad.

“Yeah, you’re right. Who needs a party when you have the bestest boyfriend in the world?” you left the living room, called your friends and, canceled all your plans and stayed in with heeseung for the rest of the night.

Flashback 3

“Why were you two alone in the kitchen?” Heeseung asked you.

You had both just gotten home from hanging out at Jake’s place. He had invited you both, and a few other friends, and you were all having a good time until you and Jake left to get a drink and popcorn refills together.

“Hee, please, not right now. We had a good night, and I’m tired,” you all but whined.

“Okay, so then just tell me, it’s that simple.” he folds his arms, obviously not taking no for an answer.

“We just got refills and snacks for everyone, that’s it.” You trudge up the stairs, not in the mood for yet another accusation. It had been more and more frequent. At first, you liked him being the protective boyfriend, but it just started going overboard and more so possessive and controlling than “protective,” as he put it.

“It took that long?” He questions, still not happy after getting an answer, and that’s what finally made you snap.

“You know what? Fine, I cheated on you. I let him bend me over the counter and fuck my brains out. Is that what you want to hear? Are you happy now?!” You finally got frustrated with him, and you couldn’t control your anger anymore. Constantly being accused of cheating felt like shit, especially when it was coming from the love of your life.

“That’s not true, right? You’d never do that to me,” he whispers softly, feeling tears prick his eyes.

“No, hee,” you crumbled upon seeing his broken expression, and you quickly wrapped him up in your arms, hugging him close to your body. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so sorry, baby. I’d never ever do anything to hurt you.” You cup his cheeks, wiping away his tears. “Okay? I love you so much, and you’ll always be the only man I want. No one else even comes close to comparing to you. You’re my perfect boyfriend, Lee heeseung. You’re my everything, and nothing will ever change my mind, not Jay, not Jake, not a cashier, absolutely nobody.”

“So you didn’t cheat?” You wag your head as a no. “And you mean all of what you just said?”

“All of it.” You look back and forth between his eyes, doing your best to show him you mean every last word and you’d never do something so horrible like that to him.

“Thank goodness I thought I lost you for a sec.” he reaches his arms around your back, hugging you so tightly as if he’s afraid you’d disappear. “I just get a little anxious when you’re around other guys.”

“I can tell,” you giggle, making light of the situation as you brush your nose against his softly. “But you’re the only guy that matters. Id never let anyone lay a finger on what’s yours,” you whisper, your face just inches away from his as you guide his hands till they rest on your lower back.

“What’s mine?” He smirks and takes the lead pressing your body against his as his hands drop lower, giving your ass a firm squeeze.

“Yes,” you moan breathlessly against his lips. “I’m all yours, hee.”

“That you are.” he easily picks you up and carries you to the bed, laying you down softly as he hovers over you. “And I’ll make sure you never forget” Those are the last words that leave his glossy lips before he devours you touching and kissing every single square inch of your body, filling you up with every last inch until you see stars and no matter how late in the morning it is or how many times you clench around his cock with orgasm after orgasm he still can’t stop not until your walls are molded perfectly to the shape of his big cock and your hole is so stuffed with cum that even when you wake up in the morning, it will still be leaking from your hole.

End of flashbacks

After replaying all those memories in your head, you can see clearly that you should have never got back with him after he accused you of cheating.

The other things were bad, too, but cheating was just the last straw cause, ultimately, it meant he thought lowly of you and didn’t trust you enough to be left alone for three minutes with his friend while you both made popcorn.

After breaking up with him just a few months after that situation, you wonder how you let him back in so easily.

Yes, you still loved him, but why?

He called you every foul thing in the book, including a cheater and a slut, yet you still wanted him back.

Even up to this point, he was still accusing you of cheating on him and saying that you thought he was never enough for you.

So why do you kiss him? Why are you even still thinking of him?

Hours after thinking about the entirety of your guy's relationship and what it used to be, you still can’t pinpoint why it went the way it did, especially when he wasn’t accusing you of such nasty things. He was the perfect boyfriend.

Holding doors for you, paying for every meal, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, texting you every morning and every night, sometimes even throughout the day, just to tell you what he was up to, introducing you to his friends and family, everything about him was your ideal type.

You even imagined getting married and spending the rest of your life with him.

But after the last few months of being with him, you just couldn’t take it as many upsides as there were.

There were just as many downsides, but he wasn’t good for your wellbeing, and that’s exactly why you broke it off.

Yet that still wasn’t the answer cause even though you and him are long over, you’re here left with a broken heart, just like on the day that you left him.

#enhypen heeseung #heeseung #enhypen #lee heeseung #enha heeseung #engene #heeseung smut #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #heeseung hard thoughts #lee heeseung angst #enhypen lee heeseung smut #lee heeseung smut

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starsofteal · 3 months

Text

A Lesson and Love

Halsin x Tav // Halsin x Reader (GN) Summary: An accident in the forest leads to an injured child and a rattled Tav—cue daddy Halsin to the rescue. A/N: One of my favorite things to imagine are these little vignettes of life after the events of the game, when Halsin and Tav and all the children build a life for themselves in Thaniel’s realm. I love the idea of Tav coming into a more parental role after a life of high adventure, and how out of their depth they feel, especially when it appears to come to naturally to Halsin. And, of course, I’m a sucker for Daddy Halsin just as a concept. Warnings: broken arm (not graphic), fluff (is it hurt/comfort if it’s just physical pain and not emotional angst lol?)

The sun filters through the tree canopy of the forest just outside Moonrise Towers. The echoes of children’s laughter surrounds you as you relax against a sturdy tree trunk, catching your breath.

You had coaxed the children into their favorite game of chase—not that it took much convincing on your part—in a desperate attempt to rid the children of as much energy as possible, hoping it would make for an easier bed time tonight—a foolish hope considering how endless their energy seemed to be these days.

Not that you mind the extra energy. No, in fact, after everything you had been through, nothing brings you more joy than this life you’ve carved out for yourself: surrounded by children and their boisterous laughter, in a safe haven serving to provide hope and safety to all who need it, and then, of course, there’s Halsin.

Halsin, who you had forged such a deep and lasting connection with over your journey, who shows you the true definition of love and selflessness every day. The love you had found with Halsin will always be the greatest treasure to come out of your ordeal. You’d go through it all a thousand times over again just to end up here, in Thaniel’s Realm, with Halsin, and all the many charges you gained along the way.

The very charges who seemed determined to send you to an early grave.

“Nathaniel, be careful!” You admonish from your spot on the forest floor. The young boy, hardly more than six, makes his way up an oak tree, climbing onto a limb with a carefree dexterity that could only come from a child who had been spending far too much time out in the forest with Halsin.

“I am being careful,” Nathaniel quips back, slowly rising to his feet to grab onto an even higher branch and lifting himself up on it.

“That’s high enough.” Your voice has a final note of warning in it as you rise to your feet. “Come down from there, now.”

“Aww, that’s no fun.” Nathaniel pouts, but ultimately acquiesces, turning his body and kicking his feet over the edge of the branch to begin his decent.

The accident unfolds before you as if in slow motion, but you’re utterly helpless to intervene; feet frozen in place. Nathaniel releases his grip, but his foot just barely misses the lower branch, sending him barreling towards the ground. Your heart stops. A sickening crunch sounds out as he hits the ground, arms out trying to break his fall. There’s a heartbeat of silence before Nathaniel’s wail pierces the air.

You’re at his side in seconds, crouching low to the ground. The other children swarm in around you, their cries of concern and fear adding to the din.

“Back up, now please,” you order, not unkindly, assessing the damage in front of you while also trying to maintain an aura of calmness. A quick observation tells you that Nathaniel’s arm is definitely broken, the crunch you heard earlier serving as its own confirmation, but other than that, plus a few bumps and bruises, he seems okay. The relief is overwhelming.

“Nathaniel, sweet, come here,” your voice has a soft, calming tone to it that seems to have an instantaneous effect. The small boy doesn’t need to be asked twice, scrambling into your lap and holding his injured arm close to his chest. You hold him close, pressing a kiss to his temple, as his cries quiet to low whimpers.

“Cana and Ava,” you call out to the two eldest girls in the group. “I need you two to go find daddy Halsin, okay? Be quick, but be safe.” The pair nod eagerly before dashing off, and you send up a quick prayer to the Oak Father they hurry.

The rest of the children watch on as you continue to soothe Nathaniel, rocking back and forth. More than a few are shedding sympathy tears, the rest in various shades of distress.

“He’ll be okay,” you soothe the group. “But this is an important reason we have to follow rules, even when they’re not very fun. They’re there to help keep you safe.” A ripple of nods tells you they’ve more than learned the lesson and its one they won't be quick to forget.

“Go on,” you nod to the clearing, “go play. Daddy Halsin will be here soon.”

The children reluctantly sulk back to the playing area, though their spirits are too down to continue the game of tag with the same ferocity.

“You’re being very brave right now, Nathaniel,” you murmur, looking down at the child in your arms. He looks so small, and you feel your heart break in two. Nathaniel presses his head up against your chest and sniffs, wiping his nose on his tunic with his good shoulder.

“I’m sorry I climbed up high,” he whimpers, fresh tears falling from his thick eyelashes.

“Oh hush, hush, hush, none of that,” you refute. “The important thing is that you’re safe. A fall from not much higher could have been far worse. Daddy Halsin will be here soon, okay? Just keep being brave, can you do that for me?” You feel Nathaniel’s nod against your chest, and you continue your rocking.

Finally, you hear the thunder of footsteps running through the forest. You turn your head just as a large brown bear bursts into the clearing, two children atop its back. With practiced ease, they slide off, landing softly on the grass and joining the rest of the children who watch in awe as a burst of bright, magical light erupts. The bear disappears, Halsin standing in its place.

“My heart, what happened? Are you okay?” Halsin’s eyes are wide with panic as he takes in the sight of you on the ground, Nathaniel curled around his injured arm in your lap.

At the sight of daddy Halsin, Nathaniel’s tears start up again with vigor. “Daddy Halsin,” he wails. “My arm.” His sobs wrack his tiny body, and you wrap gentle arms around him, starting your soothing rocking again.

Halsin crouches low, getting on one knee. “Now, now, my little adventurer,” his voice is low and gentle. “Let me have a look.”

Nathaniel leans back against you, carefully exposing the broken and swollen limb, a deep bruise already blooming across the surface. Halsin hums in acknowledgement as he examines the limb.

“Hold very still for me,” he warns before closing his eyes and raising a hand sheathed in golden magic. His hand hovers above Nathaniel’s arm, causing Nathaniel to bury his head in your chest. “You’re doing such a good job,” you whisper to the boy, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

The glow of Halsin’s magic fades. “There, how does that feel?”

Nathaniel perks his head up and gives his arm a tentative wiggle. “Wow,” he marvels, his eyes growing wide. “It doesn’t hurt anymore!” Jumping up off your lap, he throws both arms around Halsin’s neck. “Thank you daddy Halsin!”

Halsin’s strong arms wrap around the child, and the sight nearly brings tears to your eyes. “Of course, my boy,” he replies. “Try to be more careful now, promise?”

“I will, I promise I will,” Nathaniel hastily replies, already wiggling out of Halsin’s arms and eagerly chasing off towards his adopted siblings.

Halsin chuckles as he takes a seat next to you in the grass.

“Well, he got over that quickly,” you joke, leaning into his side as he wraps a strong arm around your waist.

“These children are strong, resilient. They’ve been through so much at such a young age. It’ll take more than a broken bone to keep them down, I’d wager.”

You hum in agreement, absentmindedly picking at a few blades of grass. “Thank you for coming so quickly,” you murmur.

Halsin says nothing, just pulls you closer, holding you even tighter. “I’ll always be here, my heart.” His warm lips press against your temple.

“You’re so good with them, Halsin. You always know what do to, how to act, what to say.” You can’t stop the sigh that escapes your lips, rustling the small pile of grass blades you’d compiled.

Halsin’s brows furrow. “What is it, my heart?”

“It’s nothing,” you attempt to shrug off his concern, but he knows you all too well.

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” he urges. “Please.”

One look in those green eyes has you giving in. With another sigh, you pull your knees up to your chest, resting your chin atop them. You keep your eyes on the children playing ahead of you as you attempt to sparse apart your thoughts and feelings.

“When Nathaniel fell, there was a moment where I just…” you pause, gathering your breath. “I just froze. I didn’t know what to do. I was terrified. And then I heard him cry and my heart broke into a thousand pieces. There was nothing I could do. I failed him.” You bury your face against your knees.

Halsin nods his head in understanding, letting your words sit in the air for a moment before nudging you with his shoulder. “Would you like to hear my perspective?”

You pause for a beat, before giving a slight shrug of your shoulders.

"I saw you taking charge of the situation. Your fearless heart, your sharp mind, willing to do whatever it takes to take care of the people you care for. You’re relentless in the heat of the moment, whether it’s on the battlefield or here in our home. I saw Nathaniel in your arms; I saw you providing a sense of safety and comfort at a time when he was scared and in pain. You were everything he needed in that moment.”

Halsin’s words of confidence stir you and you raise your head up to look at him.

“I was so scared,” your words are barely above a whisper, a confession. “After everything we’ve been through, I thought I was beyond ever being scared again. But he looked so small crumpled up on the ground.”

“You’re not alone with those feelings, my love.”

At that, you offer Halsin a quizzical expression. “You? I feel like fear isn’t even in your vocabulary.”

“Me? A stranger to fear?” Halsin chuckles. “My heart, as soon as the girls told me there was an accident here in the forest…” He trails off, his voice taking on a somber pitch. “There aren’t words for the way my heart stopped.”

You place a comforting hand against his arm, the thick bands of muscle briefly tensing and relaxing at your subtle encouragement.

“I raced here as fast as I could. It wasn’t until I had you and the children in my sights that I felt I could finally breathe again.”

Halsin covers your hand with his own, a soft smile on his face. “I think perhaps the drawback to living such an idyllic and wondrous life such as this, is that we have so much more to lose now than we ever had before. And there is a fear in that. But I know that this magnificent journey of ours is only just beginning. There is so much more joy to come.” With that final sentiment, Halsin presses a kiss to your forehead. The warmth of his lips against your skin radiates through your entire body, and you tilt your head up to meet his lips with your own.

A chorus of “ewwws” and “yucks” erupts from the herd of children now gawking at the two of you, and Halsin doesn’t bother to hold back his howling laughter.

“To be continued at a later time, my heart,” he murmurs in your ear before pressing another kiss to your cheek and rising to his feet to join the children in play. His grabs two of the closest children in his arms, lifting them up high off the ground. Their squeals of delight pierce the air, and the rest of the children clamber over one another for their own turn.

You smile, leaning back against the oak tree, letting the warm rays of the setting sun graze your face, as you take in the beautiful view before you.

#halsin #halsin silverbough #halsin x reader #halsin x tav #halsin x oc #halsin bg3

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