synopsis. you’d always wait for satoru.
tags. JJK CHAP 236 SPOILERS, it’s like fluff and angst but neither at the same time yk
"took you long enough."
satoru blinked twice, those icy lashes fluttering as his blurry gaze focused on the figure next to him. he hadn't heard that voice in so long that it barely felt real, a fragment in his memories.
"i thought you'd be at least a little bit happy to see me," your lips were tilted up in a grin that easily met your eyes. you're eighteen: white blouse tucked into a long skirt and your hair twisted up away from your face. there's a sliver of silver peeking up from below your collar and he didn't need to see the necklace fully to know that the characters on the bottom spelt his name.
you were gorgeous.
"i'm always happy to see you," it was unnatural for satoru's voice to be so quiet and gentle and your laugh created a symphony he'd long forgotten. it had been six excruciating years since he'd last been blessed with your joy.
the last time he had seen you you were twenty-two, a white cloth covering your body. a mission gone wrong. that was what shoko had told him and he just had to accept it, because what else could he do?
he was the strongest until it mattered.
"smile a little for me toru, i've missed you," you were bubbly but there was a tenderness in your tone. you were dead, and now so was he, it wasn't something someone could acknowledge lightly.
but he was here, with you, and so despite it all he did as you wished, the smile he reserved only for you. there was a brief moment, the two of you staring lovingly into the other's eyes as you adjusted to this new reality: one where curses didn't exist and gojo satoru was just gojo satoru.
"you waited for me?" satoru asked, his glasses dropping further down his nose as his blue eyes flicked to your lips - the lips that had once been so familiar to him.
"we all did," you nudged his shoulder lightly and pointed in the direction of a vending machine where haibara and geto were arguing whilst nanami watched in eternal disappointment.
satoru swallowed thickly, blinking quickly like that could stop the tears that wanted to spill down his cheeks.
the gentle touch of your hands against his face redirected his attention back to your pretty face. `'you're safe now, pretty boy. you've done all that you could for them, you can have peace now."
them. megumi, yuji, nobara, yuta, all of his students past and present. it hurt him to know that they were now facing kenjaku and sukuna without him, but death offered him a freedom he'd never had before. the peace you spoke of; not having to constantly be on alert for the next assignment or worry that he would be seeing his students in the morgue, it was a bliss he wanted more than he'd care to admit.
so he wouldn't admit it.
instead, he kissed you, his dead heart beating loudly in his ears as he remembered what it felt like to truly be alive.
a/n. no one talk to me ever again unless you’re saying sike this was all a big practical joke your hubby is alive
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A Princess named Anne
Princess Royal,
The one most loyal,
To the British crown,
You recognize that frown?
That steely glare??
You'd be forgiven to think she doesn't care,
Well the opposite is truth!
For who's stalwart duty skyrockets the roof?
ANNE MAN!
Who else would it be?!
The Olympian, Equestrian, Farmer and Jockey,
Her Father in another formation,
Who squashed the Princess expectation,
Snapped the pristine silver spoon,
To criticism she is wisely immune,
Scoffs at the presses "fairy stories",
Not one to take all the glory,
Slackest working royal...haha!! Nice try!!
Because when all men are down who's the bloody standby?!?!
ANNE GODDAMN!
This timeless muse who can't refuse,
Recycled garments from headwear to shoes,
This devoted Mother, Grandmother and Wife,
Who lives a Tim loving abundant life,
This stoic blessed girlboss,
Who doesn't give a toss,
Yet CLEARLY gives a damn,
There is no one like you Ma'am,
Princess Anne
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One of my favorite recurring themes with the drow-centered novels (including Legend of Drizzt and War of the Spider Queen) is that we repeatedly see a lot of characters we grow attached to realize just how fundamentally lost some of their closest friends and family are.
WARNING: Mild spoilers for WotSQ/heavy spoilers for LoD below the cut
We see it WotSQ with Ryld and Valas, both of whom are betrayed by someone dear to them (I’m being purposely vague here because I don’t want to spoil anything since I know a few people are in the process of reading WotSQ now). We see it with Jarlaxle and Arathis Hune, we see it with Artemis and his mother, we see it with Drizzt and Zaknafein (although Zak later comes around), we see it with Kimmuriel and Rai’gy, and there’s likely a ton more examples I’ve forgotten.
And each of these characters has a different reason for either failing the person they love or a different way of processing and coming to terms with that disappointment.
Ryld becomes more closed off around Pharaun, but is still capable of forming some attachments later on. Still, you can tell that his ability to trust people is damaged and he has lingering trauma over it. Ryld is definitely uncomfortable with certain aspects of drow life, but overall accepts everything stoically.
Valas is devastated but pulls through it and remains loyal to Jarlaxle and Bregan D’aerthe. Otherwise, he doesn’t seem to develop any close attachments that we know of, but he definitely does still care to a certain extend about Pharaun and Ryld. And in all fairness, he basically disappears after WotSQ and only reappears for cameos in LoD here and there. Interestingly, he’s even willing to try and build a friendship with Zaknafein. I find this *super interesting* because Zak indirectly told him that he killed his grandfather after coldly shutting him down, and while there was some tension for a moment, Valas was the one to attempt to make peace and didn’t take his offer for drinks off the table.
Jarlaxle is... well, he’s interesting and complicated in this regard. He doesn’t tend to be very open about his true feelings on things, and while he’s had a LOT of disappointments in life, we don’t see him really dwelling on them. He knew, for example, that Arathis was threatened by Zaknafein’s growing closeness to him, and initially found it almost entertaining before it got to the level that it did. But where I think this could potentially get really interesting is how it affects his relationship to Valas; we don’t see him interacting directly with Valas very many times, but when we do, they are cordial, and Valas seems to have a preference for Jarlaxle over Kimmuriel and is anxious for him to return as a leader in Gauntlgrym.
It honestly makes me wonder just how Jarlaxle perceives him, and what must have been going through his mind when Valas showed up on his doorstep after seeking out Bregan D’earthe following the fall of his house. We DO see that Jarlaxle is particularly attached to Braelin, and as I’ve mentioned before, he and Valas have a ton of things in common. And Braelin at the very least is aware of Valas, per his introduction in Maestro. He’s also roughly two centuries younger. Could Jarlaxle have had Valas train him as a scout? I think it’s pretty likely, and I wonder if part of his motivation for doing so might have been hope that:
a) Braelin, being “a commoner but of more noble heart” as Jarlaxle described him, might be a good influence upon Valas in the event he turned out more like his grandfather in temperament and morality than Jarlaxle hoped.
b) Valas would be a good mentor for Braelin and keep him away from the city, thereby limiting his exposure to the uglier aspects of their society.
c) History would not repeat itself like it did with Arathis, and he’d get two good scouts to replace the one he lost -- and it makes sense, especially since Braelin was rescued by Zaknafein at one point and probably reminded Jarlaxle of him. Maybe this is his way of making up for his perceived failure to keep the peace between Arathis and Zak?
Drizzt on the other hand does NOT take disappointment well at all. I think RAS and his books get shit on a bit more than they deserve, but one major criticism I do actually agree somewhat with is that Zaknafein’s return was handled horribly where Drizzt was concerned and it made Drizzt look like a petulant child.
I say ‘somewhat’ because Drizzt is still mentally pretty damn young by elven standards, and on top of that, he grew up absolutely idolizing Zaknafein and it never even occurred to him that Zak was STILL a product of his environment and had survived in it for far, far longer than Drizzt. Well... okay, it did, but I don’t think he really understood the full weight of it. I still think it could have been done better, but it does help to show how much more growing up Drizzt still has to do.
Artemis as we know took that betrayal VERY hard, but at least he got some closure in the end. Even better, he’s really connecting with other people now and forming strong friendship -- even with people he once hated! Some people are pissed about this, but I actually like it quite a bit.
And then there’s Kimmuriel... yeah, he doesn’t really acknowledge it AT ALL. But if you read between the lines, Rai’gy’s fall clearly had a major impact on him. He became a lot more serious about reigning Jarlaxle in, took over some of Rai’gy’s roles with magical item creation/duplication, and became even more closed off. Like Artemis, he’s starting to take small but meaningful steps in forming bonds with other people, and he’s finally beginning to open up about the traumas he’s been through. He was genuinely heartbroken over the (likely) loss of Jarlaxle and his friends, but not so much so that he was willing to immediately go for the nuclear option of taking Azzudonna to the hivemind despite fucking everyone getting on his ass about taking her there or torturing her directly.
What I also find absolutely fascinating about his development is that while losing Rai’gy was undeniably hard on him, I think it was also necessary for his growth. The Kimmuriel we saw in Servant of the Shard would have brutally and messily murdered Calico Grimm instead of settling for humiliating and sparing him. The Kimmuriel we have now actually defended Doum’welle to Gromph by telling him that his anger against her was misplaced and that she was, in fact, an undeserving victim. He also called out Gromph on his racist double-standards during their conversation about Catti-brie.
It’s taken a long time (as it should, given how extreme Kimmuriel’s tendencies toward cruelty and perceptions of other people once were), but Kimmuriel has come a long way, and I really look forward to seeing where he goes from here.
Anyway, these are my thoughts. I had no real reason for writing all this down other than the fact that I just love these characters and wanted to talk about them.
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You wanna know what hurts?
The fact that it's so clear that Tang cares more about MK, than MK cares about Tang
The fact that Tang sees Mk as a son ("I'm kind of like a father figure") but Mk didn't even realise that Tang was missing
The fact that we have no evidence to say that Tang WASN'T also there for Mk's entire life, yet Mk only thinks of Pigsy as his dad
The fact that they so clearly get along really well and have the same hyperfixation (most likely because of Tang) but Mk forgets the stories Tang tells him (The whole waterfall thing)
The fact that Tang was Mk's original mentor (telling him the jttw stories) but Mk forgot about him when he got Wukong
The fact that Tang so desperately wants to feel like part of the group but Mk side-lines him (Benched, just that entire episode)
The fact that Tang literally fell from the sky after his encounter with Macaque but Mk only cared about the ring
The fact that Tang is incredibly powerful for someone who just got their powers and is literally having to learn about them while searching for their lost friends, but Mk just tells him to do better
Now don't get me wrong, Mk does care about Tang, of course he does, and I don't think for a second that he's even doing it intentionally. I think it's just that he doesn't think of Tang, he's useful until he's not then he keeps his attention on either Wukong, Mei, and/or Pigsy.
I've seen some people think that Tang should become a villain but I really don't think he should. Tang is so protective of his family (considering we know NOTHING about his bio family) that I think it would be ooc if he did. However, I do think he should be separated from the rest of the group at a seemingly calm time, with no way of knowing where he is. I want to see Mk realise how much Tang cares about him without getting nearly as much care in return.
I want Mk to see what happens if the man who is always there, is always reliable, is always happy to help, is always free to defend him, is always taken for granted yet keeps coming back despite not needing to, suddenly isn't there at all
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˚‧º·(˃̣̣̥∩˂̣̣̥)‧º·˚ <- I was like, seconds from a tantrum about an hour ago.
Y'all. I did something so incredibly just, typical inattentive levels of ridiculous. I accidentally deleted my subfolder with all of my up-to-date mods. Since I wasn't really messing with those, I didn't think to back it up like I did with all my CC.
I really get into it re: mental health and while I'm really trying not to be so hard on myself, this set me back somewhat.
It was when I was doing the standard clear all the caches pre-loading-game fare. I must not have realized it was highlighted. I always empty my recycling bin after I do that, just a force of habit that I can trace back to the days I played Sims 3.
I tried to use Windows Recovery, and my last saved PC backup was right when I got sick, in early January. So I know which mods I have to download, but they all need to be updated.
Not all hope is lost. It would have been slightly worse if it were my CC or a saves folder or something. But this has already taken me like 4 entire days of hyperfocus and I just added like 2 hours of busy work because WHY NOT.
I really don't mind being ADHD most of the time. The diagnosis really helped me figure out a lot of important stuff about myself and gave me tools to be more successful with things I previously struggled with a lot. Unfortunately, I've been without my ADHD meds siiiince late January because of the stimulant/ADHD meds shortage that is somehow still a thing.
And when I do finally get them, I'm probably going to need to wait another month and a half for them to kick in. Apparently, a pharmacy a couple of miles from me is getting some in tomorrow so I can go and get it then so this added to it. Plus since I'm in a stage where I'm sort of just doing the same thing over and over again, it's easy to be in autopilot.
Anyways, I'm totally fine now. Got more of an all-business-no-goofin'-back-to-work vibe going on.
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