#obviously its marimos fault!!

[suguruuuuu-chan]

T4t Zosan save me....save me t4t Zosan...

[askkidandzoro-blog]

Thanks a lot. It’s always great to have such cool followers like you. ;)

Now for answering the ask... how about another short story? Maybe I can even get Zoro to throw in some illustrations while I’m at it~

(For bigger versions of the pictures look here: AO3)

“Date idea 63: Go on a double date.“

And while it had not been the worst idea, it certainly had not been the best either.

Maybe it was because Law hated any activity including crowds of people. Maybe it was because Zoro seemed bored by every suggestion not related to physical exercise. Maybe it was because letting Kid loose on most public places could be considered an act of sheer irresponsibility. Maybe it was because Sanji desperately insisted on “something romantic.” Or maybe it even was all those things together. No matter how - in the end the result stayed the same: Just the four of them in the middle of nowhere-woods plus one tent.

They quickly had decided on sharing tasks. Kid and Law would set up the camp while Zoro and Sanji were off collecting firewood and comestibles. It was as simple as that. The definition of “simple“ however is known to lie in the eye of the beholder....

It had been a hot August day so far, draped in a cloudless sky and filled with the chirping of thousands of crickets. In the forest it was cooler though and Sanji was all too eager to leave the aisle behind where their camp was located. One hand wrapped around the handle of a wicker basket, the other dragging Zoro along, who was loaded with every backpack they could muster. After the shower of summer rain the other day - so Sanji thought - the woods had to be stuffed with mushrooms. In fact he could already smell them; amongst all the other damp, soily scents.

“Can’t you let go of my hand?“

Zoro was not too amused about the cook clinging onto him. How was he supposed to collect firewood like that?

“Not happening“, Sanji smiled, following a narrow trail uphill, “I came here for mushroom hunting, not for tracking down lost mossheads.“

“I know the way!“

“As if!“

Laughing Sanji dragged Zoro farther along the path until they reached the top of a small mound. From here the view was breathtaking. Old, gnarly trees watched over the sink in front of them, enclosing it like a protecting cocoon. One side was covered in steep stone, the other in every shade of green possible. A certain magic seemed to fill the place and from underneath branches of fern tiny, yellow dots looked up warily at the two intruders.

“Chanterelles!“

Full of excitement Sanji started to climb down the slope. Those spicy mushrooms were what he had come here for. He even bravely had accepted the possibility of encountering ticks, mosquitoes, deer flies or other vermin in the process.

“Just look at them, marimo! They’re huge! And so many of them!“

He squatted and started to fill his basket to the brim. The smell was irresistible and - oh! - he knew exactly what meal to prepare this evening. After all he had brought along two crates of eggs, which waited for being scrambled. The mushrooms would be a delicious addition and there were more than enough of them to suit their needs. In fact they were so many that he had to use both hands to collect them.

Wait. Both hands?

He stared at them for one moment, then spun around to look back at where he had last seen Zoro.

“Damn it! Marimo!“

Of course he was gone. Lost. Like always. How naïve had Sanji been to expect anything else?

“Oh, you...! Just wait ‘til I’ve found you!“

Angrily he got up again, grabbed his basket and stomped back uphill.

“Oi! Marimo!“

From the top of the mound he already had found him. Which Sanji deemed to be pure luck. Usually Zoro managed to get swallowed up by earth.

“Why did you wander off like that?“, Sanji scolded him while approaching him through waist-high spruce trees, “All on your own!“

Zoro, who had been stuffing branches into his backpacks until now, looked up and furrowed his brows.

“I’m collecting firewood as told, idiot cook!“

“Yeah, but don’t get lost the very moment I’m not keeping an eye on you!“

“I’m not lost!“

“Yes, you a...aaaaaahhhh!“

Sanji had almost reached the spot where Zoro was standing, but then suddenly jumped back fidgeting.

“There! There! There...!“

He pointed at Zoro’s feet, his face the epitome of horror.

“Huh?“

It did take Zoro not too long to realize.

“Oh, that’s why my legs are itching....“

“You’re standing in an anthill, you shitty retard! Get out immediately!“

“Already doing that! Don’t yell at me!“

With a few angry steps Zoro escaped from the tiny insects, which were tirelessly defending their stronghold. It was not all that easy though, as the ants turned out to be clingier than the cook.

“They’re inside my trousers!“, Zoro grunted while wildly shaking his legs and hitting the fabric with his hands. It looked like some silly dance.

Which Sanji did not seem to enjoy watching in any way.

“Stop that, stupid mosshead! You’re getting them everywhere!“, he yelled and even took some more squeamish steps back, “Take off your pants instead!“

“What?“

“Take off your pants!“, Sanji repeated hysterically, “We need to burn them!“

“BURN THEM?“

“At least boil them!“

Zoro stared at Sanji irritated, scratched his leg and then said: “If you really think that’s necessary....“

“I’m pretty sure it is!“

“Okay, okay....“

He knew in which cases resistance was futile. Sanji being afraid of insects was one of those cases. So he took off his shoes and his trousers, then crammed them into one of the backpacks. He shouldered the backpacks again, then stood up straight and looked at Sanji with a grumpy face.

“Satisfied? Can we go back now?“

“I... I guess....“

Undoubtedly Zoro looked hilarious wandering through the woods half naked, and bright red underpants did not help at all to improve that picture.

“You’re looking silly, marimo“, Sanji said as he desperately tried to hold back a giggle.

“Very funny, cook! You know whose fault it is!“

“Ah, come on, let’s check on the others. I’m sure they’ve already put up the tent.“

Little did he know....

The sun burned down at the aisle without any mercy. It were days like these when one could encounter the rare sight of Law in t-shirt and shorts. Any other day he was simply feeling way too cold for what others would describe as proper summer outfit. Today he was feeling way too hot instead. Either way - temperature was just not his thing.

So unsurprisingly he was just sitting on a log right now and skipping through the instruction manual of the tent. It seemed big enough for four people to fit in and even came with its own built-in mosquito net and a canopy in front of the entrance. Sadly though the pictures looked nothing like what Kid was currently struggling with.

“You might be doing this wrong...“, Law said in a bored tone.

“Whatcha sayin’?“

An angry red head appeared from behind a mass of gray tent canvas and mixed up poles.

“It doesn’t even look anything like a tent“, Law added and held the manual in Kid’s line of sight, “And I always thought you were good at engineering.“

“Oh, just shut up and get your own work done!“

“Already finished.“

He pointed at a perfect circle of stones on the ground next to him. It was meant to be the fireplace later on.

“Applause, please....“

Kid rolled his eyes, then vanished behind the tent canvas again. Law only shrugged and went back to reading the manual.

For quite some time none of them said a word. Finally Law sighed and slowly got up from the log.

“Why are you doing this without looking at the manual in the first place?“, he asked and approached that disastrous gray mass.

This time Kid’s head popped up faster than an angry snake.

“You’re such a wiseass, Trafalgar! Why don’t you go on and pitch that bloody tent?“

He kicked some of the helplessly stuck together poles. What only made Law sigh once more, before he almost gently shoved Kid aside.

“We don’t want it broken, Kid. Unless you have the ultimate answer to how to deal with a mosquito-plagued Sanji.“

A grumpy growl was all that could be heard.

“Well, then. Let me see if I can fix this....“

That said Law disappeared somewhere between and under the different layers of canvas. He rumbled and fiddled about, pulled the poles out of their loops, stuck them back in and finally....

“Bwahahaha! Law! Your manual sucks big time!“

“Stop laughing! At least it looks like a tent.“

“It’s upside down!“

Kid was laughing tears, while Law tried to adjust his creation so that it would be a bit more usable. To no avail.

“Forget it, Law! Haha! That’s even worse than mine!“

“You wish. Yours looked like a sick giraffe“, slowly but steadily Law became annoyed, “If I only knew how....“

He grabbed the manual again, comparing it to the thing in front of him.

“A sick giraffe? At least I didn’t forget half of the pieces!“

Kid picked up two parts of an incomplete pole and waved them in front of Law’s face.

“Quit it, Eustass! I’m trying to think!“

“Yeah, obviously you’re not trying hard enough“, he put the two pieces together, then he leaned over the tent to reach some of the loops, “I guess it’s meant to go in here....“

“No, it’s not! Give it to me!“

Still with the manual in one hand Law leaned over the tent from the other side and tried to take the pole away from Kid with the other.

“I won’t! You’re so fucking bad at this...!“

“You’re one to talk!“

Both they were clinging onto the pole in an attempt to wrestle it out of the other’s hand. The tent meanwhile was greatly in their way and not too stable at the same time. In fact it was already tipping, when Law lost his balance and fell face first into the canvas. On top of him landed a cursing Kid and the whole motion finally caused the indefinable structure to overturn.

In uncontrollable wobbles they rolled downhill, still yelling and throwing insults at each other. Somewhere between them gray canvas and an assortment of springing poles.

It was a little stream which ended their journey.

“Fuck that shit! I’m SO done with this tent! I’m wet all over! Law, you’re an asshole!“

“Yeah, you too. Could you please get up? You’re heavy.“

Law was lying on his stomach and seemed to have decided that resignation was the best way to deal with this situation. Underneath him the water was flowing happily, on his back rested a tent and his idiot boyfriend, and to make matters worse the manual in his hand was completely soaked.

Out of all moments this was the one when Zoro and Sanji decided to return from their mushroom hunt.

The sight was not quite what they had expected. For both pairs.

“Are the two of you too stupid to pitch a tent?“, Zoro complained, not knowing if he should be angry or puzzled. Meanwhile Sanji seemed to be frozen stiff in shock.

Kid, who just had crawled to his feet again, stared at them for a second, then he responded: “And you are stupid enough to lose your pants and shoes in the woods? With what were you thinking? Your dick?“

“We didn’t have sex!“

It took them some time to get everything explained.

In the end though Sanji regained his ability to move and shooed wet Law and Kid together with the tent canvas to a sunny spot, so they could dry. After them he sent Zoro, whom he had ordered a treatment from Law against his ant-bites. And while the doctor-in-training applied ointment to the irritated skin, Sanji was happening to the camp. He pitched the tent, lighted the fireplace and prepared four huge servings of scrambled egg with chanterelles. All on his own! So much for teamwork.

Night had settled and an ocean of stars sparkled down from above. The view was exactly what Sanji had wished for when he had decided the hillside to be the best camping spot. Now he sat on one of the logs next to the fireplace and admired the dark velvet sky. On his lap rested Zoro’s head, which he caressed from time to time, both hands deeply sunk into the mossy hair. Zoro himself enjoyed it with closed eyes, but was not yet asleep for a change. Too pleased was he by the cozy atmosphere created by tamely leaping flames, the scent of burned wood and the cool of the night. Calm guitar sounds coming from Law sitting at the other side of the fire rounded everything perfectly off. Although he was just strumming some improvisations, giving Kid next to him rarely seen smiles every now and then.

“You know what?“, Kid said after a while and put a grilled marshmallow into his mouth, “This whole double-date idea certainly wasn’t the best.“

“Yeah, might be“, Zoro answered with a content smile, “But it also wasn’t the worst.“

They all laughed. Yes, this was something they could happily agree on.