#of them there were 1000 babies born in fucking jails within the past years

[ienvieu]

me searching up my emotional support kpop boy's name on youtube after crying the absolute shit out of my lungs bc a student from a place i used to go to drowned and died on a trip to italy where they were all supposed to have fun in being like

[brookenasty]

Update. This past year has been a journey. Filled with growth and transformation. I found out I was pregnant in January and I didn’t know what the hell to do. I was in a drug fueled, abusive relationship ....that was toxic in every way, I was homeless, alone and afraid. I didn’t think it was possible for me to get pregnant. With all my drug use and unhealthy way of living , i didn’t think my body was capable of being a vessel to procreate life. But it turns out it was. I kept the news of my pregnancy to myself for awhile. I was happy when I was told but quickly found myself extremely sad that I didn’t have a single person I could share the news with. Yeah I was with my baby dad but it just wasn’t something to be happy about at the time. We were strung out and living in an abandon building. Even after he found out, nothing changed. He continued to get drugs , continued to not give a fuck and I hated myself for the life I had chose. Being that my family is in Hawaii and Texas and I was on the run with felony warrants I had no where to go. Eventually the cops came to our spot and arrested us both. I was so relieved. I knew I had a guaranteed safe place to sleep. three meals a day, a shower, and most importantly proper prenatal care. I did three months and when I got out I put all my faith in hoping baby dad had the same drive and determination to break the chain, change our life and live for our child. We moved into his mothers house and in no time he brought the drugs home , we broke all trust, I was being hatefully judged because I didn’t have the strength to say no even though I was carrying a child. I still beat myself up every fucking day thinking about how horrible of a person I was to make the decision to put poison In my body when my body was no longer just mine. We were back on the streets and soon enough he was back in jail. We have a stay away order because of domestic violence and by law he isn’t supposed to be within 1000 yards of me for five years. So every time we have police contact, he goes to jail. I was left on the strong streets of Escondido. Alone, four months pregnant, with the clothes on my back. Even then my stubborn ass refused to reach out and ask for help from anyone so I aimlessly roamed the streets day and night. Stealing food to eat, sleeping behind motel 6 off the freeway off ramp and just so exhausted from everything. Days, weeks passed by and he was still in jail and family tried to reach out only advising me to get an abortion. So I told them all to fuck off. About two months into my homeless life, I gave up. I was six months pregnant, belly showing, starving my ass off and didn’t even know the sex of my child. I called my dad who lives in Texas and told him my situation. I had not a single form of ID so we took our chance and bought me a greyhound ticket. 8 hours later I was on a bus with the clothes on my back and twenty dollars for food. I traveled 48 hours across three states , tired beyond belief and arrived in Texas to my dad and new step mother. It was the hardest , best decision I have ever made in my life and I don’t know what my reality would be had I not came here. Shit was uncomfortable for awhile. A new place. A new home. New family. I felt like I was being judged like no other. I was skinny, frail, vulnerable. I had a new step sister, step mother that I quickly acclimated to. I was blessed with my own room. A fully stocked fridge and finally I was around people who actually care. People who were excited and happy about this baby coming. Over the next three months I got healthy, fat, and nurtured my body in every was possible. On September 25th at 5:31 pm My daughter , my best friend, and the love of my life Aria Anona Fierro was born. Weighing in at 8lbs 13 ozs and 20.5 inches long. That day my life was changed. She is the most precious, beautiful person I have ever encountered and I will live my life for her.