#oh also ashton could be a woman or a lesbian he/they. that is not my personal headcanon but he could do that. many such cases!

[astralleywright]

ngl i think ashton is treated the same as beau was. people laud their character development of becoming nicer when it's really a cover for "finally, they're not a hysterical angry bitch anymore!" which you can tell because a vast swath of post-campaign content assigns beau the role of "background lesbian". obviously ashton is not a woman nor a lesbian but i do remember people more or less ignored them until they started to be nicer, and thus more palatable and shippable with laudna or orym

yeah lol i mean i remember seeing so many "oh i like Ashton now???" posts in the tag in the last 15 or so eps, especially after their post-reunion sea change. which like on one hand, fine! i cannot blame anyone for not vibing with someone clearly meant to be caustic and offputting, both on a character creation level and also as an intentional front in-character, even if Ashton and i are similar enough that it's like, i do not think you'd like me in real life, or at least me from 5 years ago. and i think it's based and epic to like characters who suck so bad, and i think some people just refuse to engage further with a character who is unlikeable or overtly flawed, which is how we get people who stan the Only Sane Man Moral Compass Hero's Journey version of Orym. but i also get that there’s a difference between a character being unlikeable in a way that's appealing and a character being unlikeable in a way that one personally finds fucking unbearable. it's a noble and difficult goal to enjoy and analyze a character in the latter category (this is a grand experiment i'm trying with FCG), so like if ppl can't do it i prefer them not saying anything until they have something nice to say, i guess.

But with all that being said, there are still big obvious chunks of Ashton's story that ppl mostly ignore or brush over. Namely their recent antipathy towards the gods, interest in the primordials not just for backstory reasons but as a source of identity and meaning, and reclaiming of Hishari imagery. i think there's this assumption that the ideas and beliefs Ashton is embracing right now are a temporary stop to his real destination as like, Champion of the Luxon Who Thinks The Gods Are Alright? or at least, if not a response to where they think he's going, then one to where they want him to go, because they think the persepctives he's currently embracing are Inherently Bad and Incorrect and that the narrative should/will correct him. (shoutout to the post i saw that suggested Ashton's hero arc was a reaction to them realizing they did the wrong thing in Hearthdell but not wanting to admit it lol. amazingly bad post)

[pixiegrl]

Oo more, um, 32, 37 and 19?

~no clue who

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

Uh it’s 50/50. I do try to read or edit everything after I write but soemtimes I miss things and then I’ll be reading it after post and have to edit the errors.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

Top 3?? These are in no way all my favs, but they’re some of the ones I’m proud of rn. Uh okay here’s the ones I can think of off hand:

From Bloodied up in a bar fight:

“Because you wouldn’t listen to me! You never want to listen to me! The great Ashton Irwin can’t be bothered to consider anything his boyfriend says or wants because he knows best.”

“Ex-boyfriend.”

“Fuck you,” Luke snaps.

From You’re The Best I’ve Ever Had:

“I could never outgrow you Ash. How could I outgrow your love and support? I get to be this open and free because of you. You’ve always encouraged me to be true and authentic to myself. I just wish I was more comfortable being open about myself with other people.”

From Let Me Love You Like A Woman:

Oh god, KayKay’s touching her boob. This is a horrible day to be a lesbian working with lingerie models

37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you don’t have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write.

So I’m actually in the home stretch of a WIP! I have one last scene to write and then it’s like 98% ready. It’s a Lashton AU and without giving too much away, it’s about bartender Luke and struggling musician Ashton in the summer of 1996. It’s fully indulgent for @daydadahlias, bc we were talking about yellow beanie Ashton and I said “coffee shop struggling musician” she said “I don’t like coffee shop” and I said “bar AU” bc I was thinking about inside Llewelyn Davis and now we have this fic. Jess has really been a driving force for it bc she yells whenever I send snippets and I’m actually very proud of this fic. It also has a side Kierra piece and an Ashton one.

Here’s a little snippet:

“Can’t soundcheck without a song. You get to put a request in. Free of charge.”

“Anything but Nirvana,” Luke calls back. The guy lets out a startled laugh, almost like he’s surprised at himself for being able to do that, rusty sounding when it comes from his lungs. He shakes his head, smiling deeply, dimples popping on his cheeks as he tunes his guitar again. Privately, Luke considers all musicians to be Kurt Cobain wannabes and if Luke has to hear one more version of <i>Come As You Are</i> he’s going to convince Michael to ban open mic nights, despite Michael claiming it’s the best way to meet other closeted gay men. No music is worth that slight chance.

“What’s that? <i>Heart Shaped Box</i>?” he says, mirth in his voice.

[takottais-oc-askblog]

Oc bullshittery pt.6

--------------------------------------------

Ashton: The devil whispered in my ear “your not strong enough to withstand the storm” I whispered back “you’re”

Flesh: [clapping] the inspiration is outstanding

--------------------------------------------

sibling relationships be like:

Flesh: can I use your charger?

Bei: I’d give you a kidney, but you aren’t borrowing my charger.

Chii: he’d give him a kidney, maybe not his, but a kidney

--------------------------------------------

Dax: at this point if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Paston: [cocks gun] not in my mother fuckin’ lobby!

--------------------------------------------

Flesh: [watching their ex across the club]

Bei: [knocks back shot] what the hells’ up with you ??

Flesh: asshole who broke my heart at 12 o’clock...

Bei: [glances]

Bei: heeey listen and listen good [grabs flesh's face] thou shall not let low vibin’ sketchy ass energy penetrate thy aura!

Bei: [knocks back flesh’s untouched drink] now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date with a certain asshole at 12 o’clock, [wobbles to flesh's ex] HEY WISEGUY, HEARD THAT YA HIT AND QUIT MY LITTLE BRO—

Flesh: oh god…

--------------------------------------------

Quinncie: [points a finger at everyone] Do you little punks wanna know why I’m so bad at parking ??! HUH ?! why I refuse to listen to your bullshit when I’m trying to focus !? well DO YA ?!! It’s because men are always constantly lying to me about what 8 fuckin inches is !

Rico: imma go out on a limb here and say that that wasn’t directed at me and somehow was a slap in Elliott’s face.

Peach: ouch.

Coccoh: well god damn!

Elliott: bAbE!?!

Paston: this is so going on my blog

--------------------------------------------

Bei: dream job; Karma Delivery Service.

--------------------------------------------

Coccoh: what’s the mead sis........ the wenches are squabbling .......

--------------------------------------------

Rico: Elliott, I cant believe I'm saying this. But we need you to do what you do best.

Elliott: What’s that?

Rico: Tear. Them. To. Shreds!

--------------------------------------------

Chii: Have you ever considered not being a dumb ass?

Dax: I’m morally, politically, and religiously opposed to any form of self criticism, so no.

--------------------------------------------

Elliott: I, for one, didn’t want to start my day with slaughter… which really goes to show how much I’ve grown.

--------------------------------------------

Dax: I promised Ashton we wouldn’t do anything illegal!

Paston: Why would you lie to your fiancee like that?!

--------------------------------------------

Coccoh: What are you doing?

Peak Lilly: It's called a hug!

Coccoh: Oh. I don't know if I like it. But continue.

--------------------------------------------

Peach: at this point I don’t even know if i’m breathing correctly..

--------------------------------------------

Dax: [drunk as fuck as a Christmas party trying to hit on Ashton]

Dax: yo who’s that shawty over there in the red button up?

Peach: that’s your fiance.

Dax: shiiiiit imma go hollar at him real quick!

--------------------------------------------

Camie brown: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol and you treat an inside wound by drinking alcohol. It’s science!

--------------------------------------------

Bei: Of course, I name all my weapons.

Chii: Seriously? Isnt that kind of stupid?

Bei: I don’t think so. My Axe is named after the man who gave it to me, he left it to me so I can protect myself and his kids, and then he sacrificed himself to buy us escape time. I named my gun after the dead police officer I pulled it from. My dagger is named after the brave women who ended her own life so she wouldnt turn. Every weapon I have is named after someone that I failed to save, I name them to remind myself of the past, so that I can be better in the future. I failed to save them, but now they can help me save others.

--------------------------------------------

In bei's camp during the apocalypse:

Rico: So, whose the big leader around here?

Eva: [points at Bei] That one, right there.

Quinncie: Them? The person sitting in the grass over there making daisy-chain crowns for the little kids?

Peach: Yupp, that’s them.

--------------------------------------------

Quinncie: I like your coat.

Eva: Thank you, I got it 50% off.

Quinncie: I'd like it 100% off.

Eva: The store can't just give out free stuff.

Quinncie: That's not what I-

Eva: That's a terrible way to run a business, quinn.

--------------------------------------------

Dax: [sits next to bei]

Bei: you smell like drama and a headache please get away from me.

Dax: …

Dax: [pulls bei into his lap]

Bei: [flailing]

Dax: [kissing their face]

Bei: PLEASEnOOooOOoOOI’VEBEENINFECTED—!

--------------------------------------------

Rico: [standing there with coffee]

Quinncie:

Rico: 

Rico: look do you want your iced coffee or are you still being a bitch?

Elliott: and who says romance is dead?

--------------------------------------------

Dax: i’m breaking up with you

Paston: 260 million dogs in the world and you think I need you. Ha think again foolish fool~!

Dax: ....?

--------------------------------------------

Chii: [feeling down]

Bei: suck it up

Chii: and what if I broke your legs and told you to walk it off?

Bei: .....

Bei: then i would question your slightly swaying morals.

--------------------------------------------

Peach: what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger–

Diel: [cuts peach off]

Peach: bItCh i will FITE—

Diel: …

--------------------------------------------

Chii's first time eating human food:

Peak Lilly: Are you okay?

Chii, tangled in spaghetti: help me..

--------------------------------------------

Peach: Doesn’t look safe for a mortal.

Chii: if you sit there you belong to the fae.

Quinncie: That’s the fae’s problem.

Paston: That is such a strong, bold, confident statement and I respect you for it.

--------------------------------------------

[when Bei gets mad at Diel and says ‘Go have fun with that other guy’ like it’s a threat]

Diel: first of all ima have a blast!

--------------------------------------------

Cake: You call it death I call it shedding your meatsuit!

--------------------------------------------

Poppet: Keep a memory of me,

not as a queen,

nor a hero but as a woman.

Fallible and flawed.

--------------------------------------------

Quinncie trying to explain to his therapist the way his death should be executed, like it makes total sense:

Quinncie: -and then the police pull my lifeless body from a lake, but I’m wearing the funniest hat they’ve ever seen, and they can’t stop laughing and keep dropping me back into the water.

--------------------------------------------

Rico: Hey Bei, do you think flesh thinks in Spanish or in English?

Bei: Bold of you to assume his dumbass thinks in general.

--------------------------------------------

Rico: [wearing something nice for their date] do you like it?

Quinncie: [starts crying]

Rico: quinn stop crying you’ll ruin your makeup–

Quinncie: LET ME! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!

--------------------------------------------

Charlie: Pin...

Pin, in tears: That’s what chii used to call me...

Charlie: That’s because it’s your fucking name, numb-nuts!

--------------------------------------------

Camie brown: G, look! it’s the good kush!

Peak Lilly: This is the dollar store how good could it possibly be?

--------------------------------------------

Eva, about Rico's boss: He probably owes you money, huh? i'll ask him!

Rico: he's dead. he can't talk..

Eva: whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. it just so happens that your boss here is only MOSTLY dead. there’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. mostly dead is slightly alive. with all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do!

Rico: what's that?

Eva: go through his clothes and look for loose change.

--------------------------------------------

Pin: Speaking of folks I can do without, poppet is back.

Cake: That explains why blood was pouring from all my faucets this morning.

--------------------------------------------

Quinncie: What can I say? I'm charming and irresponsible

Paston: Uhh...Don't you mean Irresistible?

Quinncie: Nope.

--------------------------------------------

Elliott: It's odd how a woman's purse looks good on me, a man.

Peach: Exactly! Unisex!

Elliott: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.

Peach: No...no... Elliott. U-N-I-sex.

Elliott: well I ain't going to say no to that.

--------------------------------------------

Ashton: What are your answers for this problem?

Paston: I got 25!

Rico: I got 67.

Dax: I got George Washington… for some reason??

--------------------------------------------

Peach, to Peak Lilly: Hey, so G, I'm lesbian.

Peak Lilly, half asleep: I thought you were American.

--------------------------------------------

Flesh: I would do a lot more things if I didn't have to stand up to do said things.

--------------------------------------------

Pin: It's not "bacon", it's a pig.

Pin: It's not "veal", it's a calf.

Pin: It's not "steak", it's a cow.

Pin: It's not "meat", it's an animal.

Ashton: It's not "fruit", it's dividing cells that accumulate fructose.

Dax: It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno.

Paston: Maybe it's Maybelline.

Camie brown: THIS IS SPARTA!

--------------------------------------------

Chii: Bold words for a high school reject.

Flesh: Hey, high school DROPOUT, actually. They let me in, I let myself out.

--------------------------------------------

Chii: It’s very important that i’m both gay and powerful.

--------------------------------------------

Paston: IDK is the most mysterious acronym.

Ashton: Literally everyone knows what it means?

Paston: Then what does it mean?

Ashton: I don't know.

Paston: See? No one does!

--------------------------------------------

How Peach and Charlie fell in love:

Peach: [idly singing 'Her Sweet Kiss']

Charlie: Wait

Charlie: ...

Charlie: Wait are you in love with me?

Peach: have been for the last two decades but thanks for noticing.

--------------------------------------------

(this one also got hella long, but thank you all for patiently waiting for this one to get finished!

Tag list: @nansblockit @ask-the-amazing-greenland @slasher-beware @ticket-to-ride13 @illwaitinthisplace

If you want to be tagged just comment on this post or shoot me an ask/message, have a wonderful day!\(•↓•)/♡)

[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends ~ I Passed Motherfuckers (part 34)

A/N: Sorry it’s out so late, ive been working on a Calum imagine, which should be out sometime this weekend

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she  friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

Warnings: language and some fluff

***

It’s been 2 months and things are finally getting back on track, some things have changed but for the better. Erika hasn’t put a lable on what she is, but has got a partner of the same gender. She said that she probably won’t put a lable on what she is, she’ll just say that she’s into girls. Can’t fault her on that, right?

Erika’s girlfriend is called Maddie, she is really nice, really pretty, and is gay. We’ve accepted her into our friendship group, the first person in 2 or 3 years. Everyone gets along with her well, she can play bass guitar so Calum and Maddie bonded over that, which made them become close quite quickly. I really like her, she is really caring towards Erika, we get along well. Maddie doesn’t go to our school, she goes to the one on the other side of town. She’s also the youngest out of all of us, turning 18 in October.

I’ve been having therapy sessions twice a week, one of the best in the city, really expensive but totally worth it. My therapist is called Dr Yasmina, really weird, short, Asian woman, but she has really helped me. The building is quite close to boulevard view, so I often go there on my way there or on my way back. Which has caused me to create some really happy music, and I’m really proud of the songs I’ve made.

Luke and I are stronger than ever, it’s going great between us, I’m still deeply in love with him, hopefully he feels the same way. I wrote a song called Not Over You, it’s a really cute song about us, I really like it.

I take my driving test in a couple of weeks and I’m taking my theory test today. I’m quite nervous about it, everyone has told me that I’ll do well at it, but my anxiety levels are high.  

I bought a car, it’s a Tesla model s, and it’s a fucking great car. The boy’s jaws dropped when I showed them, and the people who can drive, dived for the keys when I threw them at them.

We’re all at Luke’s house, I’m sitting on Luke’s lap, Erika and Maddie are cuddling together, stealing kisses every now and then, the other boys are either on the floor or on the other sofas.

“When is your test?” Maddie asks.

“An hour from now.” I sigh.

“You’ll do great.” Luke smiles.

“I hope.” I chuckle.

“You should reward yourself when you pass your driving test.” Ashton suggests.

“With what?” Calum asks.

“An orgasm, because Luke is bad at doing that.” Michael laughs.

“Dude, what the fuck? I’ve always succeeded at that. Right Harp?” Luke asks the last part nervously.

“Of course, you’re very talented. Suck on that, Clifford.” I smirk.

“Thanks babe.” Luke grins and kisses my cheek.

“But seriously what are you gonna do?” Ashton asks.

I think for ideas but nothing comes to mind, until a certain long over due one comes into mind.

“Why don’t we all go on holiday together?” I suggest.

“Yes! Bora Bora or the Maldives.” Erika chimes in.

“Oh my God, yes, let’s totally do this.” I start to get excited.

“Babygirl, you’ve got school.” Luke reminds us as he pushes my hair over my shoulder.

“Wow, Hemmings ruining the fun.” Maddie laughs.

“Just thinking realistically.” He shrugs.

“I’m pretty sure we have half term soon. I don’t even take my drivers test for a month and a bit.” I tell them.

“That’s true.” Michael nods.

“How come I didn’t get any of this when I learnt how to drive?” Erika asks with a pout.

“Because you’re not as important as Harper.” Ashton mocks Erika pout.

“Well we should go on holiday together soon. We haven’t done that in ages, plus this time we’ll be on our own, without any parents.” Calum says.

“Harper and Luke go on holiday together all the time.” Ashton groans.

“And what? It’s fun.” I say.

“What was your favourite?” Luke asks.

“Dubai is probably up there and so is Greece, they’ve all been great to be honest.” “What’s so special about Dubai and Greece?” Maddie questions.

“Dubai is where Harper and I had our first kiss and everything started there. Greece was just really fun.” Luke explains.

“Aww how sweet.” Michael sarcastically smiles.

“Just because you’ve never been in love before.” I stick my tongue out at him.

“Shut up.” He laughs. “I’m in love with Calum, oh and Erika.”

“Don’t wanna be.” Calum and Erika say in unison causing everyone to laugh.

“I should get going now, by the time I get there it’ll be time.” I tell everyone.

I get off Luke’s lap and pick up my bag, collecting my phone off the table. “Good luck kiss?” Luke offers and I laugh.

“Sure.”

I press my lips to his, a little more than just a peck. “Good luck, you’ll do great.” He smiles as he presses his forehead against mine.

“Thanks. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.” I kiss him one more time before waving to the others.

***

Me: where are you?

L: my house

Walking up Luke’s driveway and putting my key into the lock. I had Lauren post my keys back to me, since I left them in England. Twisting left, I push the door open.

I make my way towards the lounge.

“I PASSED MOTHERFUCKERS.” I shout as I walk through the doorway.

“Woo!” Luke grins.

“Congratulations.” Erika smiles and hugs me.

Soon enough they’ve all hugged and congratulated me. Shrugging off my leather jacket and slinging it over the arm of the sofa. 3 pieces of paper fall out of the pockets. Picking them I find some train tickets and my results, passing my results to Luke.

Picking up the rectangle, which is orange at the top and bottom. London to Brighton. This must be the train ticket from when I went to England the other month. Reading the other, it says Brighton to London. So my to and from tickets.

“I don’t know what any of this means, but you passed so well done.” Luke chuckles. “What’s that?” He asks and motions to the tickets in my hand.

“Oh some old train tickets, London to Brighton.” I shrug.

“So this is what an English ticket looks like.”

“UK actually.” I correct him.

“You could so take someone’s eye out with this.” Luke laughs.

“Don’t do it Luke.” I warn.

“We got you a cake.” Calum laughs as he brings in a cake which has the words you tried iced on it.

“Oh my God, you guys had so much faith in me.” I sarcastically say.

I run my finger along the top and put it in my mouth. Mmmm, vanilla. “Why is there a candle in this?” I question.

“I don’t know, Maddie stuck it in there.” Michael laughs.

“Well if it’s gonna be there, at least light it for me.” I claim.

Calum pulls a lighter out and brings it to the wick, until it catches. “What do we sing?” Erika questions.

“Uh, we can’t exactly sing happy birthday.” Luke giggles.

Ashton passes Michael Luke’s guitar and they create a stupid song about cars, tests and me.

I hold my hair back and they cheer as I blow out the single candle. We always have been so extra. “Congrats Harp, knew you would do it.” Erika says and pulls me into a hug.

“Really? It doesn’t look lile it.” I gesture to the cake.

Swiping my finger along the cake and wiping it on Erika’s nose.

“Don’t you dare start this, Harper.” Erika warns and I just smirk.

Erika wipes the icing off of her nose and wipes it on my cheek. “You bitch!” I laugh.

Soon enough we’re wrestling each other and part of the cakes icing is missing. Luckily I’m on top, so I have the upper hand. “As much as this is very arousing, I kinda want to eat.” Luke says.

I smear the last of the icing that is on my hand on her stomach. Bursting out laughing and rolling off her and onto the floor. Erika squeals and immediately strips her shirt off, running off and into the bathroom. I stand up and go into the kitchen, getting some kitchen roll and putting it under the tap to clean my face up.

“Could you bring a knife out please.” I hear Ashton shout.

Taking a knife out of the knife block and bringing it to the living room. “Thank you.” Ashton smiles.

“I won’t be havin-” Maddie starts.

“Because I’m vegan.” Michael mocks

“Hey, leave my girlfriend alone, Clifford.” Erika tells him as she wraps her arm around Maddie’s frame.

“Ugh, lesbians are so hot.” Michael mutters and I giggle.

I cut myself a piece as no one seems to be doing it and grab a fork, before leaning back on the sofa. Luke sits next to me and places his hand on my thigh. “You wanna piece?” I ask Luke and he nods, opening his mouth.  

Scooping a bit onto my fork and into Luke’s mouth. “Thanks.” He smiles once he swallowed.

“Where did you get this? It tastes like cardboard.” I question.

“How do you know what cardboard tastes like?” Calum asks.

“Casual hobby.” I shrug.

“You’re so weird, the weirdest out of all of us by far.” Ashton giggles.

“Harper is one of those people that has loads of secrets yet you spend so much time with her. They aren’t bad secrets just weird, like we’d find out you go bungee jumping every Sunday and you’d just shrug.” Michael claims.

“No, I go parachuteing every Sunday, get it right.” I mutter. “I don’t know whether to be offended or not.”

“Now that you say that, I can totally see that.” Ashton agrees.

“I don’t.” Luke says.

“Of course you don’t because you know everything about her.” Calum tells him.

That’s where you are wrong.

“I’m not weird, I’m just different.” I claim.

“That’s like saying I’m not ginger, I’m strawberry blonde. No offense to gingers.” Michael laughs.

“I hate you guys sometimes.” I pout. “Luke, they’re being mean to me.” I whine and rest my chin on his chest, he looks down at me with a small smirk.

“Aww, baby.” He cooes, pushing my hair out of my face.

Luke presses his lips to mine and I smile into it, Luke places his hand on the side of my face. “Better?” He asks.

“Yeah.” I chuckle.

“Ew.” Calum says.

“Are you ever sad that you’ve never been in love with someone or had a serious relationship with anyone?” I ask.

“I used to, but I then realised that I don’t have time for a partner right now. I’ve only had hookups, I think the last time I had a girlfriend was sometime last year. Of course I’ve liked girls before, but nothing came out of it, the longest relationship I’ve I had was 6 months but it wasn’t that serious. It was one of those year 9 ones.” Calum confesses. “ Remember when you went out with Bradley Payne?”

“You went out with him?” Luke questions.

“I needed to pass a test.” I say.

“Oh right.” I laugh.

“Who did you lose your virginity to?” Michael asks everyone.

“Tyler King.” Erika admits.

“Maisie Wilder.” Ashton says.

“Gemma Lange.” Calum chimes in.

“This is gonna be awkward for the couple.” Maddie laughs.

“Alec.” I say and I feel Luke tense up.

“Really? You only lost it then?” Ashton asks.

“It’s not like I wanted to. He kinda came on to me and I just couldn’t bring myself to say no.” I explain.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Luke asks.

“There was nothing to tell.” I shrug.

“Um, who is Alec?” Maddie asks.

“Harper’s dick of an ex-boyfriend.” Calum fills her in.

“I lost it to Jennifer Lawrence.” Luke jokes.

“You wish.” Erika laughs.

“No, but her name was Jennifer, I just can’t remember her last name. I was 15, 16 one of those.”

“Must’ve been so good that you can’t remember her name.” I joke.

“No, the best I’ve ever had is you.” He smirks.

“Really? What about Hannah Craig?” I question.

“I think you’re unaware of your sexual abilities. She was good, but it wasn’t you.” “Can we not talk about Luke and Harper’s sex life.” Ashton begs.

“How often do you guys have sex?” Calum ignores Ashton’s request.

“I’m not telling you that!” I tell him

“A couple of times a week.” Luke says, causing me to glare at him.

“Luke!” I exclaim. “This conversation is over.” I huff and stand up.

“Where are you going?” Luke questions.

“I need to edit our video.”

“What kind of video?” Calum asks.

“A porno.” I tell them.

“You filmed that?” Erika acts offended.

***

I’m currently on Skype with Laura and Delilah. We’re just messing around, acting like 12 year olds.

“So I passed my theory test this morning and my friends got me a cake which said you tried.” I chuckle.

“Oh congratulations. Wow, some friends.” Laura laughs.

“When are you taking your driving test?” Delilah asks.

“In a couple of weeks, we’re planning on doing something when I pass. I suggested going on holiday, but we don’t have any time off any time soon.”

“Where would you go?” Delilah asks.

“Maldives or Bora Bora is what I suggested.” I say.

“I’d go to the Maldives.” Laura claims.

“I’d go to Bora Bora.”

“Classic Laura and Delilah moves.” I laugh.

“We used to argue about the stupidest things.” Delilah giggles.

We continue to reminisce about old times and I keep laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I hear someone ask.

“Jesus Christ,” I clutch onto my heart. “I’m talking to Laura and Delilah.”

“Okay.” Calum says.

I wipe under my eyes to collect my tears from laughing so much. “Be right back.” I tell Laura and Delilah.

“I’ll be down in minute, I need to talk about some stuff.” I say and they make their way down the stairs. I close my door before going back to my laptop.

“Sorry, the guys and the girls came over.” I apologise.

“I had to open up the door to get Elliot.” Delilah claims and pulls him into frame.

“Oh my God, hi, I’ve missed you.” I comment.

“Missed you too.” He smiles. “You said you’d text me, you lied.” He laughs.

“Sorry about that, I’ll text you this afternoon, I promise.”

15 minutes later I end the call and head down the stairs, phone in hand, beginning to type out a text to Elliot.

“Sorry, got caught up, I’m all yours now.” I smile and press send, locking my phone and placing it on the coffee table.

“Apparently not.” Ashton mutters as my phone vibrates. I lean forward to see who is texting me, Elliot is who.

E: well hey there ;)

Me: hello, I said I’ll text you by the afternoon, I didn’t think this early.

E: eager 😂

Me: evidently

I spend the next 10 minutes talking to Elliot, whilst the others talk to each other. I’m physically here but not mentally.

“Who are you texting? Because you’re smiling like an idiot.” Luke asks.

“Elliot.” I answer.

“And who is that?” He question.

“Delilah’s boyfriend.”

“Is he nice?” Erika asks.

“Yeah, he i- shit, I have a therapy session in 30 minutes.” I realise.

“Do you wanna lift?” Ashton offers.

“Uh, no thanks, I’ll just walk. Thanks for the offer though.” I decline. “Erika could you finish editing the video we made? I didn’t get a chance to finish.”

“Yeah, of course.” She smiles.

“Thanks, my laptop is upstairs.”

Luke’s p.o.v.

“I have so many secrets right now.” Erika laughs as she comes down with Harper’s laptop. “History, how to cheat on your boyfriend.”

“Don’t wanna be.” I mutter.

“Ugh, Harper is so innocent.” Erika pouts.

“Is she though?” Calum asks.

“I don’t think she is.” I comment.

“Has Harper got any kinks?” Ashton questions.

“Why do all our questions end up about Harper and I’s sex life?” I deadpan.

“Because we’re weird, so has she?” Michael asks.

“She is super kinky. Loves being tied up, daddy kink, likes to dress up, spanking, handcuffs are a big thing, acts very innocent, just to name a few.”

“Really?” They all say with wide eyes.

“No, I’m kidding. We’re very vanilla, but then again, I could be lieing.”

“I’m kind of disappointed now.” Maddie sighs.

“This is too weird talking about sex with you guys, especially about Harper.” I tell them and get up.

“Where are you going?” Ashton asks.

“To our sex room,” I joke. “I’m going home.”

“To be in your sex room.” Calum laughs.

I flip them off and walk out the door.

It’s a while later and Harper should be back from her therapy session by now, so we’re all going round again.

Putting my key into the lock and opening the door, walking in and being met by the sound of music. Not from a speaker but from Harper.

Quietly walking up the stairs and stand inside the door way. Harper is on her ukulele singing All Star, on her laptop, and the other person is playing the kuzo.

She gets to the last line and just bursts out laughing. “That was good!” The other person cheers.

“I liked it. I should probably go now, the boys and stuff will be round in a minute. I’ll speak to you tomorrow or something, bye.” She smiles and then ends the call.

Harper turns around a screams. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” She breathlessly says.

“I haven’t heard that song in a while.” Calum ignores her statement.

“I was just on Skype to Laura and we just decided to play it.” She shrugs.

“It was good, you should unload it to our YouTube channel.” Erika chimes in.

“I don’t know… at least not on my own.” She trails off.

“Maddie can sing, why don’t you do it with her.” Erika suggests.

“You up for that?” She asks.

“Sure.” She shrugs.

Next thing I know, the camera and lights are all set up.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kMia4eRZR64

Everyone claps when they finish and I laugh. “I’m gonna have this song stuck in my head all day now.” I claim.

“I’m gonna make a sandwich and watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.” Harper says and makes her way downstairs.

We all follow her down and sit in the lounge, whilst listening to Harper recite the whole theme tune.

I clap when she comes in and she giggles, sitting next to me. “This is such a good show.” Maddie says.

***

“I feel awful.” Harper whines.

It’s a while later now and Harper isn’t feeling well, slight cramping, feeling sick and has a headache.

“Are you due your period any time soon?” Erika asks.

“Not for a week.” She groans whilst covering her eyes with her arm.

“Maybe you have some early period symptoms.” Maddie tells her.

“My boobs hurt like a bitch too.” She adds.

“Probably your period or something.” Erika concludes.

“Guess who’s not having sex anytime soon.” Michael sings songs.

“Do you want me to give you a head massage?” I offer.

“What a babe.” She smiles and positions her head on my lap.

I start massaging her forehead gently and slowly going into her scalp causing Harper’s eyes to flutter shut.

“This is boring, I’m gonna spice this up and get some alcohol.” Ashton says.

“I’ve got some vodka in my wardrobe, there’s probably some cranberry juice in the fridge.” Harper tiredly informs.

“Why is it in your wardrobe?” I question.

“Needed to hide it from my um parents.”

“But your eighteen now.” Calum furrows his eyebrows.

“I know but they still think I’m 5.”

“I have alcohol!” Ashton claims as he comes down the stairs. “And I have cranberry juice.” He adds as walks in with glasses, cranberry juice, vodka, ice and lime. He pours 1 2/3 parts of vodka, then 5 parts cranberry juice, slipping in a couple ice cubes and then putting a wedge of lime in there.

He repeats this 7 times for each of us. “Have you ever thought about being a bartender?” I ask.

“It’s crossed my mind.” He chuckles.

“I don’t really feel like drinking tonight.” Harper says.

“That’s a first.” Calum laughs.

“So Harper is really sick if she is refusing an alcoholic drink.” Erika comments.

I rub my hand up and down her stomach as she groans. “You’ll be alright by the morning baby, get some sleep for now.” I tell her.

She rolls onto her side and nuzzles into me.

Harper’s p.o.v.

I’m woken up by my phone ringing, pulling it out of my pocket and not even opening my eyes when I answer it.

“My favourite sister!” Angus exclaims.

“What do you want?”

“I’m very well, thanks for asking.” Sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Shut up, why did you wake me up?” I ask.

“I don’t believe that you’re sleeping, I bet you’re making out with Luke, because he’s your boyfriend.” He teases.

“No, I’m sleeping on him, at least I think, I haven’t opened my eyes yet.” I say.

“Sleeping on him or with him?”

“Angus, shut the fuck up, what do you want?” I snap.

“Oh, I broke my finger.”

“Why on earth are you calling me?” I ask.

“I don’t know, but that’s not my main problem. You’re a girl right?” He questions.

“Well if I’m not I’ve been buying the wrong underwear.”

“Okay good, I’ve got a girlfriend, before you start teasing me and shit, stop now. It’s our 3 month anniversary coming up and I don’t know what to get her.” He explains.

“Why didn’t you tell me when I was over there?” I question.

“Not the problem Sharpie.”

“Don’t call me that, it barely has any relation to me.” I claim.

“I used to call you Harpy and that rhymes with Sharpie, which you used to draw all over my bedroom walls.”

“I know the reason you call Sharpie.” I snap.

“Whatever, I need ideas.”

“Why didn’t you ask Evie?” I question.

“Because she would want to meet her, and I can’t be arsed to do all that shit, plus she’ll suggest something really expensive and if you don’t know, I’m on student funds.”

“Okay I didn’t need a bloody novel. Flowers are more of a one month thing, you should buy her a car.” I suggest.

“This isn’t a time for jokes, Harper.”

“Why don’t you take her out for dinner, not a KFC or Nandos but a fancy one, but not too fancy, because that’ll seem like you’re coming on too strong, unless you really like this girl.”  I suggest.

“What did you and Luke do?”

“I think we took a break around that time, we don’t really celebrate those, we did for a week, but I wanted to punch both of us in the face.”

“Oh. I’ll probably take her out for dinner, do I get her a present as well?” He asks.

“Maybe some flowers, depends how much you like her. It sounds like you’re really into her.” I comment.

“I am, I think she is the one. I know it’s far too early to tell, but I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. How did you know Luke was the one?” He asks.

“Aww, I feel like a big sister right now.” I laugh. “Who said he is the one?”

“Don’t you think that?” He questions.

“Of course I do, he’s the only person I’ve ever truly loved.” I confess.

“Isn’t that cute. I should probably get going now, I need to find a place. I’ll speak to you soon. Love you lil’ sis.”

“Okay, I love you too, speak to you later.”

Ending the call and shoving my phone back into my pocket. I roll onto my back and rub my eyes. “How are you feeling?” Someone asks.

“Like shit, I feel so nauseous.” I say and finally open my eyes.

“Who was on the phone?” Luke asks.

“My brother Angus, he has girlfriend issues.”

“So now he’s taken off the market? He was a fine piece of ass.” Erika comments, earning Maddie to hit her.

“Apparently so, for 3 months it’s been going on. Don’t talk about him like that, it’s disgusting because it’s my brother.”

“Just stating the truth.” Erika laughs.

“Anyway, he wanted to know what he should do for their 3 month anniversary.”

“Why does your brother call you Sharpie?” Michael asks.

“Before I tell you, you have to promise you won’t start doing it. It’s annoying already.”

“I promise.” He says.

“He used to call me Harpy and it rhymes with Sharpie, and I drew all over his walls with a Sharpie when I was younger.. Don’t you fucking dare call me that, Clifford.” I warn.

“Okay Sharpie.” He smirks.

“Luke.” I whine and nuzzle into his stomach.

“Harper.” He whines.

“Michael’s being mean to me.” I pout.

“Michael, could you leave Sharpie alone, please?” Luke laughs and Michael and him high-five.

“I hate you guys.”

“Love you too.” They say in unison

“I’m going with the girls.” I say and sit with Erika and Maddie.

***

It’s the next day now and I’m still in bed, feeling so sick. Almost at the point where I need to get out of bed and sit by the toilet.

I’m not gonna take any risks, so I fling my duvet off me and rush towards the toilet.

Being my a toilet must of triggered something, because I start to throw up last night’s dinner.

[wiremagazine]

SPOTLIGHT FILMS: 24 OF THE BEST 2017 MIFO LGBT FILM FESTIVAL MIAMI EDITION MOVIES

Photos provided by MiFo LGBT Film Festival

A CHANGE OF HEART (U.S., 2017) Director: Kenny Ortega Cast: Jim Belushi, Virginia Madsen, Aimee Teegarden, Gloria Estefan 

Frustrated with his life, Hank (Jim Belushi) is man whose circumstances have driven him to fear diversity, yet his Central Florida town is adhering less and less to the white, straight profile with which he's comfortable. After suffering a heart attack, Hank's life is saved by a transplant… from a Puerto Rican drag queen? Playing on both the literal and symbolic significance of that most treasured of organs, A Change of Heart reminds us that even the most hardened among us can learn to embrace difference, accept love, and move on with life.

APRICOT GROVES (Armenia, 2016) Director: Pouria Heidary Oureh Cast: Hovhannes Azoyan, Narbe Vartan, Samvel Sarkisyan 

Aram, an Iranian-Armenian trans man living in the U.S. since childhood, returns to Armenia to meet his girlfriend's conservative family. Over the course of the day-long journey, Aram's brother helps him prepare for the meeting, while also coming to terms with his transition. Aram sees many cultural, religious, and national differences on the one-day trip, but harder obstacles are ahead. Apricot Groves is a quiet and introspective film which beautifully illustrates the bittersweet notion of reconnecting with a culture that may not be accepting of who you've become.

B&B (UK, 2017) Director: Joe Ahearne Cast: Sean Teale, Paul McGann, Tom Bateman

Handsome gay Londoners Marc and Fred plan a weekend of mischief, returning to bait the owner of a remote B&B who they successfully sued a year prior for not allowing them to share a bed. Events take a deadly turn when another guest, with far more sinister intentions, arrives. Marc and Fred's weekend of fun turns into a suspenseful battle for survival in this smart, comedic dark thriller. B&B will keep you guessing 'til the end.

BOYS IN THE TREES (Australia, 2016) Director: Nicholas Verso Cast: Toby Wallace, Gulliver McGrath, Mitzi Ruhlmann

It's Halloween 1997 – the last night of high school for Corey, Jango and the rest of their skater gang. When Corey encounters Jonah, a former childhood friend now victimized by Jango's cruel streak, Corey takes pity on him and agrees to walk him home for old time's sake. What starts off as a normal walk through empty suburban streets descends into something darker and magical. On the night of the grave's delight, even the most buried truths will surface.

CENTER OF MY WORLD (Germany/Austria, 2016) Director: Jakob M. Erwa Cast: Inka Friedrich, Sascha Alexander Gersak, Thomas Goritzki

After a summer spent with his best friend Kat to escape his family, Phil goes back to school and starts to question his feelings towards Nicholas, a new classmate.

HANDSOME DEVIL (Ireland, 2016) Director: John Butler Cast: Fionn O'Shea, Nicholas Galitzine, Andrew Scott

This hilarious coming-of-age comedy follows Ned, a willowy, rebellious music-loving outcast forced to share a room with mysterious star athlete Conor, after being sent away to a rugby-obsessed all-boys boarding school. Opposites in almost every way, the pair form an unlikely bond over the course of the school year as they navigate the trials and tribulations of being teenage misfits. When a new English teacher arrives at the school, the oddball friends finally begin to see a way to have their voices heard.

KEPT BOY (U.S., 2017) Director: George Bamber Cast: Jon Paul Phillips, Thure Riefenstein, Greg Audino

Interior designer/reality show star Farleigh Knock has a knack for keeping beautiful things around his home – like Dennis. So when Fairleigh gives him the unthinkable ultimatum for his 30th birthday to get a job or get out, Dennis goes from kept boy to lost man. Based on a novel by Robert Rodi who specializes in gay satires on queer archetypes, George Bamber directs this dark gay comedy that shows life with a sugar daddy is bittersweet and poses the question, what is love and what is the price to keep it?

LIKE FOAM (Spain, 2017) Director: Roberto Perez Toledo Cast: Sara Sálamo, Diego Martínez, Daniel Muriel

An emotional journey of lost human beings trying to find themselves takes place in what could be considered a fairly strange place – an orgy in a Spanish mansion. A message circulates from mobile phone to mobile phone and it is started! All at once, a diverse range of strangers get together, searching for sex, and in doing so they expose their funny, sexy and profound sides. Like Foam shows that things are not always what they seem and never has an orgy been so funny and full of love.

POLITICAL ANIMALS (U.S., 2016) Directors: Jonah Markowitz and Tracy Wares Cast: Jackie Goldberg, Christine Kehoe, Sheila Kuehl 

Political Animals tells the story of one of the largest civil rights struggles of this century – the gay rights movement – through the eyes of four elected women, often left out of LGBT histories until now. An emotionally charged film, it follows four groundbreaking lesbians who took the fight for the causes most personal to them and their communities off the streets and into the halls of government. Fierce, determined, focused and passionate, these women had the courage and foresight to begin the critical work of legal rights for the LGBT community. 

PROM KING, 2010 (U.S., 2017) Director: Christopher Schaap Cast: Julia Weldon, Mikaela Izquierdo, Lionel Thomas 

Charlie is a college student who loves love. He loves the way James Dean and Natalie Wood passionately kiss with the sublime punctuation of a swelling orchestra and Laurence Olivier's vow to take Joan Fontaine behind a tree and make "violent love" to her. But when Charlie finds his romantic pursuits leading to icky online encounters, seedy back rooms in leather bars, and the unexpected tears of cute freshmen who aren't "really out," Charlie starts to worry that his homosexuality is an incompatible factor with the classic, Hollywood romance he's always aspired towards.

REBELS ON POINTE (Canada, 2016) Director: Bobbi Jo Hart 

Exploring universal themes of identity, dreams, family and love, Rebels on Pointe is a film celebrating the famous Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo. The all-male, comic ballet company was founded in the '70s on the heels of New York's Stonewall riots and has a huge worldwide cult following. The film juxtaposes behind-the-scenes access, rich archives and history, intimate character-driven stories, and amazing dance performances. It's a story which ultimately proves that a ballerina is not only a woman dancing, but an act of revolution in a tutu. 

SEAT IN SHADOW (UK, 2016) Director: Henry Coombes Cast: Henry Coombes, Ross Hunter, Jonathan Leslie

Out of the imagination of acclaimed artist-filmmaker Henry Coombes comes Albert, an eccentric, aging painter doubling as an unconventional, Jung-inspired psychotherapist. When Albert's friend asks him to counsel her lethargic grandson Ben, whose ongoing boyfriend problems are rapidly fueling an already deep depression, their subsequent therapy sessions reveal as much about Albert as they do about the troubled young man. Coombes' debut feature is a witty, perceptive study of social mores, sexual excess and the bizarre, symbiotic relationship between doctor and patient; teacher and pupil; artist and muse.

SOMETHING LIKE SUMMER (U.S., 2017) Director: David Berry Cast: Grant Davis, Davi Santos, Ben Baur 

Benjamin is the only guy at his high school with the courage to come out of the closet. Putting up with the bullies and his classmates' whispered condemnations keeps him from pursuing his dream of being a singer. Instead, Ben spends his summer vacation stalking Tim, the handsome athlete who just moved to town. Something Like Summer follows the course of true love over the span of a dozen years, from awkward adolescence through challenging adulthood, featuring seven original musical numbers and the artwork of a talented young artist.

THE LAVENDER SCARE (U.S., 2017) Director: Josh Howard 

With the United States gripped in the panic of the Cold War, President Dwight D. Eisenhower deems homosexuals to be "security risks" and orders the immediate firing of any government employee discovered to be gay or lesbian. It triggers a vicious witch hunt that ruins tens of thousands of lives and thrusts an unlikely hero into the forefront of what would become the modern LGBT rights movement. The Lavender Scare shines a light on a chapter of American history that has never received the attention it deserves.

THE PASS (UK, 2016) Director: Ben A. Williams Cast: Russell Tovey, Arinzé Kene, Lisa McGrillis 

Nineteen-year-olds Jason (Russell Tovey) and Ade have been preparing themselves for a lifetime in professional football for as long as they can remember. On the evening before their first big match, the two of them play out their insecurities in a Romanian hotel room; mock-fighting, preparing their kit, slinging insults, and then one of them kisses the other. The ramifications of this 'pass' reverberate throughout their careers. In a profession where image is everything, fame and fortune comes closely tied with secrets and lies.

VARICHINA: THE TRUE STORY OF THE FAKE LIFE OF LORENZO DE SANTIS (Italy, 2017) Director: Mariangela Barbanente and Antonio Palumbo Cast: Totò Onnis, Federica Torchetti, Ketty Volpe

Varichina was the first openly out homosexual man in Bari in the '70s. Ugly, flashy and campy, he was well known for making coarse advances to every man he saw. He was gay, had nothing to hide, and lived a life of celebration! Funny and heartwarming, Varichina: The True Story of the Fake Life of Lorenzo de Santis is a documentary/fiction hybrid looking at someone who was way out, long before it was socially acceptable.

MEN'S SHORTS: MAN, OH MAN

FAW Director: Dany Campos, Spain, 22 mins.

 IN THE PAINT Director: Ashton Pina, U.S., 7 mins.

JOHNNY IS GAY Director: Pablo Tobon-Gallo, Spain, 11 mins.

LIGHTRIPPING Director: Marcio Miranda Perez, Brazil, 22 mins.

MARZ Directors: Bobby Yan, U.S., 11 mins. 

MY SUGAR DADDY Director: Dawid Ullgren, Sweden, 13 mins.

ONE DAY TO THE NEXT Directors: Julio Montesino & Alexis Bosch, U.S., 16 mins.

THE NIGHT CLEANER Director: Blair Fukumura, Canada, 6 mins.

This was originally published in Wire Magazine Issue 16.2017