#oh but point is i think they could work but love cant truly bloom on a battlefield + also frank's just too immature n selfish n mentally il

[queenoftheworldisdead]

Unbetrothed

Summary: Let me just say I am an American with no idea of how royal hierarchies work. Just made something up.

Governors are basically kings of the states they run with their own armies and mayors are dukes. Women are not allowed to work, only marry.

Dark MCU royal AU [but not really grey at best]

Sam Wilson x reader, dark Thor x reader [not really i don’t think. more like grey Thor]

Warning: attempted suicide, sex

----

"She's old Margret" your father huffed.

"Dear no I think you're being harsh" your mother defended.

You sat in the kitchen peeling potatoes for tonight’s dinner as you listened to him complain.

"I most certainly am not! She is old. Way past her prime. Am I supposed to work myself to death to  support her?" He grumbled.

"Her brothers have long sense left this house. Started families of their own. Making their own way about the world."

"Dear they are men. Made to labor. What would you have her do? You refused her education. She has little options"

Women were with few exception not allowed to work. If you were not aiming to be a nurse, maid, or teacher. Most girls stopped their education after they learned to read or their parents stopped paying for tuition.

"Well, I would have assumed she would have been long sense married by now. What would be the point in wasting the money on education?"

He would often complain after doing his monthly expenses. Paying for the loan on the house, paying to feed himself and his wife, but the extra cost of the spare mouth of a daughter drove him up the wall. He actually calculated how much extra money he would have if you were not there draining his savings. As if it would by him a cottage on a beach in the state.

A popper he was not but a frugal bastard he was indeed. Only spending extra if he could come out ahead in the end.

It was like this most days, the only time it wasn't were when your father stayed out to drink. Pouring his sorrows into a pint and from your mothers presumption whores.

"Joseph, from work, told me that the Governor's having a ball. Says that his son told him that they send all the army boys there, most bachelors the lot of them. You know those army folks are quick to wed." He told your mother. He had planned this out thoroughly it would seem. "Lets put some lipstick on this pig and send her off"

"She is not a cow you sell at market!" Your mother was outraged out the notion.

"Well Moo Moo Margret. She is going. If she doesn't find a suitor then she is out on the streets. Have the state worry for her."

"Dear you cant mean that. She is our blood." Your mother would do nothing more than speak of her disapproval.

"It's my mother's fault." He said as he walked to his favorite sitting chair. "She was a bit misshapen. Got her damn jeans from me. Swear if she didn't look like her I would deny her my name" your mother gasped loudly at the insult.

"She tried to marry the Wilson boy and you denied her! Now look at him, second in command of the states army."

"Well, I thought when she...uh" he paused to find the right word to say. "Bloomed she would bring better prospects."

When you were 14 you fell in love with Sam Wilson and he with you. Children of the same age, same culture and you two had become fast friends. He had always made you laugh and it was not uncommon to be betrothed at such a young age.

One day while playing by the creek he had pushed you against the old oak tree and kissed you. So innocent and sweet, but it only lasted a fraction of a second. You had stared at him with your eyes wide with shock and surprise.

"Y/N I love you. Marry me?" He had no ring just a wild daffodil half ruined from being hid within his pants pocket. You had hugged him so tight he teased that you almost broke his bones. You had loved him for ages and to have your best friend love you back was truly a delight any girl could ask for.

The day felt like a dream as you two lay in the field and talked of your future. How many children, where the house should be, what the wedding would be like. You hadn't even noticed that the sun was setting as the euphoria of your love took over.

Kissing him on the cheek with a promise to meet again tomorrow you rushed home. With a smile that would not falter.

"Mom! Mom!" You burst through the door.

"What is it girl? You're so loud. What is it?"

"Sam! He asked me to be his wife!" Barely able to catch your breath as you retell the events.

Your mother's sweet smile showed of her approval in the union. The excitement of telling your father made the hands on the clock drag. When you saw the cart finally drop him off you exploded through the door and rushed to tell him your joyous news.

But your joy was short lived. Sam's family was not the status that he wanted for you. He gambled that when you were to hit puberty you would attract hire quality suitors. To hedged his bets he pulled you from school and refused you out to see Sam.

The decision crushing you completely, your home had become your prison for over a decade. Only allowing out into the world to join your mother for her weekly shopping.

He broke you back then and thought nothing of it. Unmoved by your constant tears and sorrow. Eventually you cared not for the fancy things in life. Your hair unkept, your clothes unpressed and makeup was as foreign to you as the neighboring states. Your mother would often scold you for not putting out your best as to catch the eyes of a suitor. But what was the point?

You lived only in the fading memories of Sam. Replaying ways to have made things different. Your mother took pity allowing you stationary upon which to write. Sending him love letters, but sadly with no replies.

"Well I buying her a ticket to the governors ball. We have enough for a decent enough dress so get her ready." Plopping down he opened his smoking box to take out his pipe. Lighting it up with long puff signaling to your mother that the final word had been spoken.

Your mother with your fathers pocket book went all out. When he saw the receipts he almost had a stroke. He swore never again to make that mistake with your mother again.

Your hair, makeup and dress were all done for the affair. When she showed you the results in the mirror before you left with your father you swore someone had bewitched the mirror.

When you two arrived at the Governors estate your father pushed you to mingle. But you had not the heart for music and fun. Walking aimlessly about the crowded event until you spotted him.

It couldn't be could it?

Walking up to the man you presumed to be your long lost love you call out.

"Sam?"

It was him, adorn in his formal military uniform.

"Y/N?"

Your heart felt like it beat for the first time in ages. Swelling with joy tears almost fell from your eyes at the sight of your long lost love.

You hugged him instantly, but it took a moment before his arms reciprocated the gesture.

"I always wondered what happened to you. I even went to your house but I was always turned away"

"It was all my fathers doing. Did you receive my letters? My mother made sure to mail them daily, but I never got word back."

Even through your despair you had never stopped writing. Everyday even when your mind tried to insert logic you still wrote. You could barely spell and your mother was of no use in that matter, but that did not stop you.

"What letters?" He was at a loss and that is when your heart began to hurt a little at the betrayal of you're only ally.

Every shopping day your mother would buy you the most gorgeous letter paper to write to him with, only to never send them. But why?

"I wrote to you every day Sam I swear it" you were in denial. She wouldn't have done that. No never her. Not your mother.

"Honey who is this?" A beautiful woman appeared from his side.

"This is an old friend. Wanda this is Y/N"

She was so striking and much younger than you. "Oh hello he talks much about his youth here in this state, but I'm sorry I don't recall you." You could see her trying to recall a memory and even with the scrunch of her brow she was a sight.

What would you say to her? That you were his first love, first kiss, that he had proposed to you. That you still had the daffodil he gave. Now pressed in the holy book on the page that would have held your vows.

"I.." You looked at him. His smile was for her now. You were nothing, but a ghost playing among the living. "I went to school with him when I was much younger, but never completed." She smiled at you so pure and overflowing with love for him that it made you sick, but you forced yourself to mirror her.

"Well it was nice meeting you, Y/N.." She said through the loud music."but if you will excuse me I would love to dance with my fiancé." Pulling him away. As they departed what was left of your heart felt as if it had rolled in glass.

Every breath brought a pain and as your vision began to blur you saw your father approached with that look. That look that you had not the energy to deal with. So you took off. Walking swiftly through the crowded ballroom zigging and zagging not knowing where to go. You were boiling over, but you didn't want the world to see. For Sam to see.

As you scanned the massive room filled with people you spot a staircase that wrapped along the wall. You don't know why you went to it, but you did. Ascending the stairs as quickly as you could in your full dress. Tripping only twice on the petty coat underneath, but still able to stand up right. There were fewer people on this level, each in their own conversation of this or that. Taking a deep breath you decide to turn left. Passing awkwardly by the smaller groups of people before stopping at the door at the end of the hall.

The massive wooden door was unlocked when you tried the handle. Pushing it open you could see no lights. Entering the darkness of the room, the blackness poured over you then the tears fall before you could close it behind you. With your back pressed to it you slid down the door and on to the floor. The sound of the booming music from the band hiding you're sobbing from the world.

As you cried you felt the cold breeze of the night prickle your skin. Looking you see the sheer curtain dance in the wind the color of the moon light giving it a soft ghostly hue. Standing up you walked to it. Opening the curtain you found the window to actually be a small balcony.

Walking out to the banister at the end you stare up at the moon and the sight of it filled you with loneliness. A small part of you had held out hope that Sam still loved you, would come for you and you two would live out those childhood wishes from long ago. But he wasn't and your father would surely be tossing you out by the morrow.

You didn't know how, but somehow you had climbed over the railing. Staring at the earth below.

What was the point? You couldn't work, too old to marry. Born to be nothing.

"You shouldn't be here." A voice came out from behind the ghostly veil.

Turning your head you look back to see, but when you spotted him you only stared through him.

Holding on to the steel frame of the balcony you lean forward. Hoping that when you fall and kiss the ground that the pain would be swift. So you let go.

"No you don't"

He was fast. Catching your wrist before you descended. Looking up at him you could see him clearly now. The strain on his face had his veins busting through his flesh as he pulls you back up and over the banister.

He had pulled you so hard that he lost balance and landed on the  floor with you on top of him.

Pushing yourself off his chest you straddled him. Your dress almost swallowing him whole. When he sat up he rubbed the back of his head and hissed. As he straightened himself, his height could not be ignored.

"Are you mad wo.." His words were cut off by the crashing of your lips to his. You just pressed them hard into his, your eyes shut tight as your fingers clasped the fabric of his formal uniform.

His hands came on to your shoulders and pushed you back. "They had told me these events were to be a prudish affair. Had I known women of this state were made of fire we would have united our states long ago." His strange accent had you gawking at him.

Your eyes fell to his uniform, the colors were all wrong. It was not of your state's formal wear, but anothers.

He kissed you this time, his tongue tickled your bottom lip the sudden wetness of it made you gasp and he took that opportunity to invade. Yours sat frozen in your mouth bewildered by the intrusion.

When his hands fell on your hip you yelped in his mouth. "Move for me" he said as his hands guided you back and forth on his lap. The friction of his pants on your bloomers was delightful. Moaning in his mouth your eyes shot open wide. Embarrassed by the foreign noise, but the man only chuckled on your lips.

Your hands released his clothes and wrapped around his neck. When he bit your bottom lip you bit his, when his tongue flicked yours you flicked his in turn. You let him guide you to every move. His hands fell from your hip, but you still kept the pace as the warm fuzziness of the feeling building in your core wanted more.

Placing his arms on your back he pushed you backwards on to the  cold balcony floor while never breaking his kiss. Your heart beat hard in your chest as you felt him press you into the unforgiving floor with your dress the only bit of comfort to it.

He pulled away again making you whimper. His smile looked so devilish as he stared down at you. "Your pure aren't you girl."

Your ears felt hot as his eyes looked upon you. "Yes" it came out almost as a whisper.

He bit his lip almost fighting off a bigger grin. Moving his hands from your back one hand glided atop your dress. Grazing both breasts before hooking his in it. Pulling the fabric down allowing your breast to bounce free in the night air. His warm palm overtaking the circumference of one breast filling your body with more fire.

Bending down you closed your eyes to receive a kiss, but it never came. His wet mouth latched onto your exposed bosom, making you pant. The flicking of his tongue drove you mad with wanting. His soft lips kissed each breast before sucking your nipple into his mouth. "Your flesh is sweeter than any honey I've ever tasted." His rugged voice sent you soaring to the heavens.

Bunching up your dress his hand moved slowly up your thigh. Stopping at your bloomers. "What do you want little dove?" He looked down at you again. Waiting for your answer.

Was this what Sam does to Wanda?

For whatever reason your mind could not picture him this way. So your mind drifted, thinking of the women of the night. The women that lived for the night as you are now. Your mother had spoke often about loose women. Whores she would call them. Good for nothings seen as no more than the corrupters of men souls. That’s why she never blamed your father for his misdeeds. You wanted to be a corrupter of men, to hold a power over them. Seeing as giving them power had brought you no joy in this world.

"I want to be a whore" at your words his smile dropped and a hunger unfamiliar to you grew upon his face.

Hurriedly pulling your bloomers down you could hear a growl from him. As if by the moon he would change into a wolf right before your eyes. His focus strayed from you but for only a brief moment as he fiddled with his own attire.

He lay between your spread legs poking at your muff with a rod harder than the floor that ached your back. "Then my whore you shall be" without another word he forced himself into you.

The pain and discomfort had you screaming into the night. Pushing him off, but he held steadfast deep in you up to his hilt. Tears prickled your eyes as the pain felt unbearable. Lifting your legs onto his shoulder allowed him deeper still and you felt too full.

"Please sir it hurts" you hissed. Your eyes pleading up at him.

"Not for long my dove" His hips slammed against you with such forced that you tried to crawl backwards away. But with his hands on your shoulder he locked you in place. Each time his hips slapped yours it sent jolts throughout your body.

Your mewls mixing with his groans while the music played from the ball down stairs. "It hurts!" Your voice quakes as he continued his punishing thrust. Your breasts jerking harshly from his movements while your legs try and force him off, but he went on undeterred.

"My..dove.. sing for me" and you did with every thrust.

Your back arched off the unforgiving ground as you felt your cunt stretched beyond its limits to receive him. Your nails dragged along his coat sleeves, snagging on badges here and there.

The pain of him faded into a wave of ecstasy. "More please" you panted.

"Does..my..dove..love.. my..cock" he teased as he watched your face transform from pain to pleasure. Hitting your core harder with each word, moaning deeply as he filled you.

"Mmm so-so good." You moaned. The pressure from him electrified your whole body. You could feel every inch of him and you wanted more.

"A whore..only for...me" he groaned. His chest pressed into your legs as his movements grew wilder. Your body felt a buzz, your flower so alive, clenching feverishly around him. His member started twitching, flexing inside of you and filling you with more warmth and wetness.

"Such a good little dove" he praised.

When he stopped he gave your lips one last kiss before falling over to your side. Your legs flopped to the floor landing with a thud shaking like a leaf in the wind. Turning your head to him, you examined the glistening features of his face.

"Who are you?" You panted out half exhausted.

As he began to speak the door creaked open in the distance.

"Y/N!" Your fathers voice shouted out. You sat up with a cold splash of reality hitting you.

When your father came into the room he had only seen the aftermath. A compromising position that sent him into a tizzy. Racing over to you he grabbed your for arm pulling you from your savior.

Pulling up your top and cleaning off your dress you prayed he had not noticed your very bare chest in the confusion.

"What are you doing who is that?" He roared furiously. "Speak"

*Smack

His slap faded into the nights air. He must be getting older, much more older than you thought him to be. His strikes barely fazed you now, but you held your face as if it still held the same power as they used to have.

"What were you thinking you stupid girl? Your chastity is you're only saving grace." He was furious. "I can't believe my own daughter a whore."

"Ah heeeehhhmmmm" the stranger cleared his throat behind you. His height towering over you and your father.

"Excuse me sir, but in my state we do not take Kindly to the striking of innocent women."

"And who are you to speak to me in such a ways army boy?"

"I'm lieutenant Governor Thor Odinson of the Asgardian state. New allies of your Governor's state."

Your father's eyes widened in shock as did yours.

"We were just admiring the constellations as we are ought to do in my state. Isn't that right milady?"

Your father looked to you to answer while Thor shot you a knowing wink.

"Well if you would excuse her intrusion sir, but she is supposed to be finding a suitor not laying about star gazing" he spoke nervously.

Pulling you out of the room by your arm as Thor faded into the darkness.

"What happened to your face girl you look a sight?" He said annoyed. "Go to the mirror and fix yourself" he pointed to a mirror along the wall right before the entrance to the room. "Had someone else spotted you, you would have been thought a harlot for sure" he huffed.

Hurrying away you rush to the mirror all the while you felt Thor's seed snake down your leg.

[srbachchan]

DAY 4451

Jalsa, Mumbai                       May 14,  2020                      Thu 11:27 PM

Birthday  EF - Brinda Shah ..  Pawan Randhawa .. Friday, May 15 .. and our wishes go out to the birthdays of the two .. may you remain safe in these times and be happy .. .. love from the Ef

Old times of the past times .. remembrances of the School times .. moments of the lasting times .. of class mates and dormitories .. of theatre plays and farewell concerts .. of singing ditties .. of humour among all .. of a recapture of the events of the year .. of still knowing the moments that went by then in 1956-58 .. names , pet names, and the happiest days of our lives ..

..a picture from the School records .. the School play of 1957 .. The Government Inspector by Nikolai Gogol .. I played the Mayor of the city .. this picture is after the play finished and our Principal the Rev R C Llewelyn , the tall collared on the right reading the results of the Best Actor Kendal Cup results .. and  .. yooo hooo .. its moi .. and I am dumbfounded and cannot move .. Ma and Babuji in the audience .. especially come up to see me during our Founders Week .. 

find me .. found me .. our Drama teacher Mr Berry the tall figure right in the middle .. well just behind him with a smile on my face .. uniformed ..

moment of pride for Parents .. when you achieve they are filled with a most peculiar emotion .. its tears and happiness .. happens often .. see a film where you appreciate your sons work and you cannot speak for quite a while .. just choked with emotion .. the Hall is Milman Hall , named after an important contributor to the School .. the Hall where we held all our theatre and farewell concerts .. where the odd film was shown on an 8mm projector .. where we all recovered when the flu of 1957 hit the nation and the world .. the Hall where our prize distribution took place .. the Hall where we were instructed at the prize giving ceremony to look into the face of the dignitary giving the award .. the Hall where on the class of ‘58 get together after 50 years , yours truly is made the Chief Guest and does what he has been witnessing when in School as a student ... time and life brings so many changes and challenges ..

.. and this new challenge .. looms large now .. a DIGITAL release ..

.. Amazon Prime .. June 12, world wide release .. 200 plus country’s .. a first for many reasons .. a situation that cannot be altered .. theatres opening could take time .. or not open at all .. uncertainty .. 4 complete films in line for release .. must do in this year .. contracts severe .. finances and other contractual obligations need consideration .. not just my films there are other artists too .. they also need to space out their films .. recovery of investment .. cannot take forever .. if the digital price is amicable then they go for it .. it is the future .. the option to release in theatres later always open .. that contained in the terms .. so yes in time there could be theatre  release as well .. others wait for the results of digital release to make decisions on their films .. will find out by June 12, 2020 .. some complain why on Amazon only and not of Netflix .. but the deal has been struck with Amazon .. so Amazon .. cant have two different distributors of the same film in the same city .. yes imagery is reduced to the mobile or TV screen .. but most of the stuff these days is seen thus is it not .. patience then .. a few more days and we shall see ..

gosh !!!  almost started putting down the words of our School farewell song :

“ a few more days and we shall be .. rejoicing at our liberty .. and when the moment comes to scram .. we’ll trundle down to Kathgodam .. “

‘then the bells will ring .. and the boys will sing .. as the boxes are being taken away ..

‘and the girls will cry .. as we bid them goodbye .. and we wish them a happy holiday ..’

Goodness ... never ever imagined that I would remember the words of the singing .. that was 1956 .. its 2020 now .. 64 years .. !!! 64 .. thats a life time !!

brought to tune by our Vice Principal Mr Thomson, and written by him too .. he would also write the farewell ditties too .. a compilation of all the events that had taken place and were of some importance .. put together in a humorous manner .. and the students involved in that moment had to come up and sing their portions on stage .. such fun .. still remember my lines ..

the matter was somewhat .. err.. dubious .. breaking bounds .. the girls sister school had come for a picnic on the hill above Sherwood, on Dorothy Seat .. thats the name of that location on the hill, at the edge of a spur, where a young girl named Dorothy used to sit and paint the Himalayas that could be seen from there  .. she fell over tragically and died and the Hill was named after her ..

So some of us enterprising Lotharios during our lunch break broke bounds, stealthily went out from behind the School up the Hill to simply get a glimpse of the girls and return in time before the bell rang for class .. as we were negotiating some bushes on reaching the top of the location, one of us saw a Teacher of the girls School, coming across in our direction .. we , thinking that she had noticed us panicked and scrambled down the hill, in some velocity, making a lot of noise in the rubble and stones that came our way  .. the Teacher we came to know later had not actually seen us but was coming to pick up a pullover of one of the girls which was lying close to or vantage point .. but because of the scramble she reported the matter to our Principal who at dinner when the entire School sits for their meal in one Hall , came and announced that some boys had been seen going up to Dorothy Seat and to own up and stand up .. all of us stood up, much to our embarrassment .. for the rest of the School boys had not known of or escapade .. 

It was 6 of the best for us .. 6 cuts of the cane , from the Principal, a Tennis Blue from Cambridge or Oxford .. had a most devastating forehand .. we were taken into a side room in his office as was the drill with all these cases and were given the cane .. a wheel barrow lay in one corner, we were made to bend down and hold the handles so our posteriors were nice and tight .. and then .. whack .. 6 cuts from the well oiled bamboo canes safely kept in a separate drawer .. dark black bruises, lines of the cuts, would appear on our backsides despite the frantic rubbing to ease the pain, we would indulge in .. the morning baths were a site for us all .. for the entire dormitory bathed together under showers in a line and the rest of the guys would giggle and laugh at our black bruised stripes on the skin of our behinds .. !!!!

ahhhhh .. the happiest days of our lives ..

oh  .. heck .. so .. forgot to mention what was written for us in the concert .. there was a piano ditty played by Mr Thomson .. and each of us that had a verse written for us came up on the stage in rhythm and said our line and went back .. mine and another co artist that broke bounds with me had this . .. after the description of the event that took place was sung out in tune , ours was ..: like a culmination of what we did on that day and what the end result was .. of getting caught and being punished .. so we had to sing :

‘we’re now confirmed misogynists, and worthy of the name .. we’d rather run a thousand miles than meet a blooming dame ..’

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

the innocence of those times and the factor of fun and enjoyment even in the most adverse conditions .. not a care, not a concern .. never again to be relived .. which is why they be the happiest days of our life !!

Amitabh Bachchan

[houseofhurricane]

ACOTAR Fic: Bloom & Bone (6/32) | Elain x Tamlin, Lucien x Vassa

Summary: Elain lies about a vision and winds up as the Night Court’s emissary to the Spring Court, trying to prevent the Dread Trove from falling into the wrong hands and wrestling with the gifts the Cauldron imparted when she was Made. Lucien, asked to join her, must contend with secrets about his mating bond. Meanwhile, Tamlin struggles to lead the Spring Court in the aftermath of the war with Hybern. And Vassa, the human queen in their midst, wrestles with the enchantment that turns her into a firebird by day, robbing her of the power of speech and human thought. Looming over all of them is uniquet peace in Prythian and the threat of Koschei, the death-god with unimaginable power. With powers both magical and monstrous, the quartet at the Spring Court will have to wrestle with their own natures and the evil that surrounds them. Will the struggle save their world, or doom it?

A/N: This chapter is from Vassa's perspective and I truly loved writing it. A fair amount of research went into figuring out how she might see the world in firebird form, and as a result, everybody in my life now knows about the wonders of bird vision. Thanks to them for putting up with me, and thanks to you for reading! You can read early previews of the next chapter every Tuesday by following @house.of.hurricane on Instagram. And as always, you can read all chapters at AO3 if you prefer. You can find all chapters here.

-

The world is alive in this form, more than Vassa can ever explain, even to Lucien. She is not sure if this is the result of magic or her firebird eyes, but by day, the world is filled with a million colors that humans have no words to describe, colors that are bright and subtle and mark every being indistinguishably. When Vassa is the firebird, there is never any mistaking one individual for another.

When Koschei first bound her, Vassa could not focus on her lost country or her lost freedom for whole days at a time, so magnificent was the sight of the water on his lake, the way the droplets spangled when struck with her wings, the play of the fire upon the water.

Eventually she became acquainted with the splendor of her view, though her thoughts move differently in this form, at times swift and darting past her human powers to parse, and at times so lugubriously working through a problem or story that Vassa aches for the setting sun, the moment when her mind will return to her.

Always, she misses the power of speech, the workings of her human mind, and company. Koschei might have other prisoners, but Vassa was held alone on his lake. Even now, during the days she spends with Lucien, she can only watch him, the play of light on hair that in this form is as alive as the fire itself, transfigured by each play of light and shadow, or the subtle changes of expression on his face. She knows Lucien has been loved before, and deeply, but she has enough pride in her to think that nobody has ever watched him as she has, knowing the topography of him that’s subtler than even faerie eyes can detect.

After a week touring the lakes on Tamlin’s lands, Vassa tells Lucien to stay at the estate until the afternoon. She has watched the darkness bloom under his eyes, the silences that stretch between him and Tamlin and Elain, and she wants to soothe them. She will stay at the lake closest to the manor house, she tells him, where she can quickly fly to safety if she detects an intrusion.

She does not tell him that she feels Koschei’s tether on her, stronger now than it ever has been. Since Master Archeron bargained her way from the lake, there has always been this invisible binding on her neck and shoulders, a spell even Helion, famous for such things, could not detect, though Vassa chose not to tell him of her fetter when he sought to free her. She wanted to test his mettle. And at the time she was practically drunk on the newness of her almost-freedom that the very mention of her invisible chains seemed its own abomination.

In the past week, it feels as if Koschei has applied both fists to the chain that connects him to Vassa and pulled with all his might. She wakes from sleeping on the easternmost corner of the bed, fingertips grazing the floor. Her shoulders pinch from the strain of holding herself in one place. At times she finds breathing to be difficult, as she is being pressed by boulders.

She is certain that Koschei is done biding his time. He will soon come to claim her.

For all his reassurances to the contrary, she knows that Rhysand has no plan to save her. Oh, his court has gleaned certain insights and may think they have the upper hand against the death-lord, but while Koschei is still alive in this world, Vassa knows he will return for her. She doesn't know why he is so determined to claim her, can only guess at why she is essential.

Alone and without speech, she is free to follow these thoughts where they lead, caught between mourning and contemplation and the wariness alive in each beast.

Which is why she spots Elain’s hair glinting in the dappled forest light before the girl is near enough for her slippered steps can break a twig.

Vassa studies the girl as she draws closer to the lake. Elain’s eyes become more dazzled, shaded by her hand, so that Vassa is certain that the girl left her gardens and came searching for the firebird.

If Elain Archeron is lovely to Vassa’s human eyes, the girl the firebird sees is stunning, her hair a shining riot of color, her eyes deep and glinting, all of her glowing and alive with the subtle movements of her body as she makes her way through the trees. Her gown, perhaps a drab fabric to other eyes, is all the colors of the spring flowers, the hopeful entreaty that winter end its grip. There is a sadness to this girl, but now especially Vassa wants to shake her, frustrated with the idea that such a beauty could find anything lacking in this world.

Of course, Vassa was known as a beauty to her people, a beloved queen. She knows these gifts are no assurance and yet Elain still bothers her, a vision of discontentment and wasted gifts. She knows she should feel pity towards her, but she does not. If Lucien is her mate, then she is unbound. She could be anything at all.

When Elain approaches the lake, Vassa glides toward her, head unbowed, her magic eyes unflinching, until the girl blinks and looks away, focused on the waters that sparkle with Vassa’s fire.

“Things have been awkward between us,” Elain says. “I saw Lucien at breakfast and I thought it might be my chance to speak with you. I thought, maybe you do not know how it is for the High Fae, when they find mates.”

Vassa cants her head to the side, although she wants to scoff. Let the girl continue in her folly.

“I confess that I’m newly acquainted with all of this myself. And I’ve never felt -- my point is, I admire you and I wish that we could be better companions.”

She is looking down the length and breadth of Vassa’s body, and then Elain pulls out her skirts, settles herself on the rock where Lucien sits. In her hands, there is a book.

“I know you cannot speak and so I will not try and settle things between us. I only want to say that I wonder if you understand how it feels to be wanted by someone whose attention or admiration you have never desired. Someone who was forced upon you by fate. And that someone might be wonderful, but the forcing itself makes him more than a little repulsive.”

Elain looks up from the water, as if she’s worried that Vassa will fly at her in a blaze of fury. But Vassa learned early that there is value in letting a person tell their entire story without interruption, and frankly she is curious to learn what caused Elain to make herself into a little doll, beautiful but hardly useful.

“I was about to be married when I was captured by Hybern. My betrothed, I think you know him, he has little regard for faeries. He did not want me when he saw how I had changed. And then Lucien was there, always there, watching me with longing eyes, and I felt as if I had to perform for him, all the happiness and wanting I’d felt for Greyson so naturally. But there was another person, another male, who helped me to heal. He was kind and quiet with me, and I never thought about what I had to be to him, what I had to be for him, until it was too late. Because we couldn’t… and then he fell in love with someone else. And they discovered shortly after that they were mates. Do you know, I think that this whole idea of mates is awful. To have that looming over you. I thought I loved Greyson because I loved him. Even if we were fated to fall in love, I thought that I’d met all of the people I’d met in my life and I’d chosen him. And with this other male, it was always forbidden. Lucien had claimed me as his mate. It was a matter of political significance. But I thought, even if I find him a little repulsive, at some point in the many centuries in which I’m now to live, maybe I would feel as if fate had given me a gift. Maybe I would look at him longingly, the way he looked at me. Instead he found someone he liked better. And you seem wonderful, but to look at you that night, to smell his scent on you, the scent of this faerie who had been chosen for me irrevocably, was as if there was suddenly no reason for me to be in this world.”

Elain lets out a long breath and Vassa circles the lake, averting her eyes for a few moments to give the girl her privacy. The small muscles of her face will reveal too much.

When Vassa comes back to Elain’s rock, those brown eyes sparkle with tears, bright as topaz, and she understands how Lucien could have loved her at first sight. She looks like a princess in need of rescue, the ordeal and the reward completely intertwined.

“I know that I have hurt you,” Elain says, when Vassa is settled before her, “and I am sorry for that. I have been awkward and I should have apologized sooner. I hope that we can be friends. Or at least that you can tell me, I don’t have the word exactly, but how it is to be you.”

The word Elain looks for is grown or queenly or powerful, and Vassa longs for a miracle of speech so that she could suggest each, impart a lesson. Though she would start by telling Elain the truth, the secret she now begins to regret knowing, that she has been free all along. Instead, making sure she’s far enough to avoid singing Elain’s skirts, she lays her head upon the rock where the girl is seated, splays her wings. She lays down her power for just a moment.

When Vassa returns to her turns about the lake, to her contemplation of the forest, Elain begins to read her book. Vassa would have expected a trifling novel, a melodrama full of powerful men and swooning women, but Elain has found a book that tells the history and myths of Prythian, and her voice does not stumble as she reads.

One day, decades from now, when she’s a wrinkled crone and Elain’s eyes are still exactly this wide, Vassa will tell her that she’s read this book before.

&

&

&

That night, at dinner, the silence is as thick as usual, so that when Vassa, seated at the foot of the long table, turns to Elain, on her left, she feels as if she’s moving underwater, the very air resisting her gestures.

“I wonder if you’d walk in the garden with me after dessert,” she says, raising her glass of wine to her lips. “I’ve been told you’ve been hard at work.”

Vassa feels Tamlin and Lucien staring at her, tense, and for a second, Elain’s mouth is a perfect pink circle, but it’s quickly replaced by a smile.

“I’d love to show you around, your majesty. The jasmine should be lovely at night.”

“You’ve imported some Night Court favorites, then?” Every person from that land carries a hint of jasmine in their scent, so that Vassa sometimes wonders if it’s naturally occurring in their water.

“I think it is important for a garden to be as beautiful as possible at all times. In each season, there should be blooms. My time in the Night Court has shown me that there can be flowers at every hour. The climate here is perfectly suited.” Suddenly the girl has vanished. Elain sounds like the people who have surrounded Vassa all her life: queens.

Vassa asks a few more questions about what it’s like to garden in a land that’s perpetually spring, and the color rises in Elain’s cheeks as she answers, praising the quality of the soil and the talent of the Spring Court gardeners, so that Tamlin eventually joins the conversation. When he compliments the new arrangements Elain has made in her garden, her face flushes, and for a second Vassa wonders -- but she pushes the thought aside, tries not to think about Lucien’s lingering silence, the wariness in his posture. One thing at a time. Her mission tonight is a diplomatic one, and since she was a little girl, Vassa has very rarely failed.

When she walks into the garden with Elain, the air is sweet with lilac and jasmine, and Vassa can’t help but smile. The girl may be wasting many of her gifts, but she is a talented gardener.

“That was a pretty speech you gave this morning,” she says, and Elain’s breath catches. “Though you were foolish to trust me with so much information.”

“I’m sure Lucien has told you most of it already.”

This is the first moment when Vassa could tell Elain the truth and it rises up in her, a bubble of fire in her chest. She forces it down by imagining Lucien’s face, his fingers working at the buttons of his shirt, the way he is in the evenings when he can finally release the cares of the day. She will not be the one to take that from him.

“Your gardens are beautiful. I would never have thought there was such a tempest inside you,” she says instead, another version of the truth.

“I have a habit of hiding in the garden and working until all my rogue emotions are beaten out of me.”

“Until you are perfectly ladylike?”

“My tutors often said I was most lovable after I’d had the sun on my face. And later -- but that is an unpleasant story, your majesty.”

“Often the most entertaining kind. Why do you not call me Vassa?”

“I never thought a queen would be asking me for gossip.”

“Your father was known even in my country. Your sister is High Lady of the Night Court. You are not such a bumpkin as you pretend.”

“I was told that a lady should be demure.”

“Do you think you will be happy playing in your gardens for all eternity?”

Elain turns to her, skin glowing blue-white in the moonlight, the exact color at the center of a flame, and her face is stricken. Vassa draws in a deep and silent breath through her nose. She needed to ask the question, she tells herself. For all that Elain could possibly be.

“I think that there is more to life than war and politics. You all play at death all day long and consider your time spent well.”

“Is this what you imagine your sister does in her court?”

Elain turns toward a cherry tree, pulls a drooping branch toward her, fat with blossoms, and the air fills with their perfume, blocking Vassa from getting closer in the guise of admiring her own handiwork.

“My sisters are warriors. This has never been my talent. I watched the legions on the battlefield and I could pick out the details of each face, and I thought, each of these people has a family waiting for them. I could not be the one to ensure they never returned.”

“You killed the king of Hybern.”

Elain’s eyes skitter once more towards the flowers. Vassa places her own hand on the branch, pressing it away, so that she’s standing close to the girl, can tell she’s about to lie.

“Nesta killed the king of Hybern. I only -- I had the knife in my hands.”

“You think your sisters wanted to go into battle?”

“Will you tell me whatever it is you want to tell me?”

Vassa has to bite back a smile. It’s like hearing a kitten issue a rebuke.

“You have such mandates in you about what you must be as a lady, but it seems they only apply to you. Do you believe you were born only to be ornamental? I hear you speak about these gardens, and you assume the voice of a ruler. There are tales that you were blessed by the Cauldron with gifts. And yet I think you are afraid.”

“You’re angry at me for this?”

“I have lost my kingdom and I am imprisoned inside the firebird all day. I cannot save my people from the wrath of weak and terrible rulers.” Vassa lets go of the branch in her hand, so that it thwacks upward and showers them in petals. “I think you could be anything at all, and you’ve decided to become nothing.”

Elain works her fingers in a tight knot, looks at her delicate rings instead of Vassa, the long and graceful digits. Even the hands of the High Fae are too beautiful to be human. She’s mostly grown to accept this, but sometimes Vassa finds herself a little jealous.

“I was supposed to marry somebody,” Elain says, finally, and the words are raw, as if they were dredged up from the very marrow of her. “Nobody ever thought I’d be anybody, all on my own.”

“I can show you, if you’d like.”

Even before Elain’s head nods at the top of her lovely neck, Vassa’s begun planning her lessons.

&

&

&

After that night, they fall into an easier pattern: once dinner has ended, Vassa teaches Elain about court life and diplomacy, all the ways a human woman can be a queen and how they might apply to the faerie courts. Elain listens attentively, and asks questions that show Vassa that she’s reading the histories in Tamlin’s library. Her voice takes on a certain gravity, and in Vassa’s presence, she rarely blushes. In exchange, Vassa talks about her people, her dreams for Scythia. She knows that men suppose that women’s deepest secrets involve their emotions toward men, but her own secrets have been her wishes for her country, what she might achieve with and for them. She tells Elain a few of these secrets, the lesser ones which wouldn’t cause particular harm in the telling, and when Tamlin and Lucien do not bring them up, when the servants do not comment, Vassa decides that she’s found a worthy confidante.

After her lesson with Elain has ended, Vassa spends the rest of the night with Lucien. As he promised, he still goes out to the lakes with her in the mornings, even sometimes taking her to far-off but beautiful vistas that require hours of walking through the darkness, his fingers always twitching for his sword. But now that she’s survived without his constant supervision, he returns to Tamlin’s estate after a few hours, and at night he fills her in on the comings and goings: the Night Court visitors who laugh with Elain and ask him questions about Koschei and the human realms, the stilted conversations with Tamlin, the visits to the village which dispirit him more than anything. He tells her about how the Spring Court used to be, the way the people felt safe with their warrior High Lord, and though they did not love him, necessarily, they trusted him enough to die for him. She nestles herself against him, braiding his long hair until he realizes what she’s doing and chases her around the room, the two of them breathless with laughter, each throwing a bouquet of curses until his mouth is on hers and she doesn’t feel like saying anything else.

Sometimes, Vassa is startled to think that this is perhaps the happiest she’s ever been. Even the weight of Koschei’s claiming lightens.

Two weeks into this routine, Tamlin turns to Lucien at dinner and asks if he’d like to take a ride into the village. Vassa knows it’s not anatomically possible, but she swears she feels her heart twist at the light in Lucien’s eyes when he agrees.

“I think you made that happen,” Elain says later, when they’re walking through the gardens. Her eyes are bright and eager. “How?”

“I would claim the credit if I could, but I believe the credit goes to you. Your speech at the lake. Your wanting to make friends. You held a mirror up to Tamlin and his reflection looked extremely small.”

“I’m sure you’re exaggerating,” Elain says, but her cheeks have flushed. Vassa stops walking and places her hands on the girl’s shoulders.

“What do you want your legacy to be?” Vassa asks, the kind of question that has become habitual between them.

For a long moment, there is silence between them, only the rustling of leaves in the fragrant breeze, the whirling of Elain’s mind, which works faster than Vassa ever expected, faster than Elain has ever allowed anybody to see.

“A peace that is nurtured by beauty,” she breathes, the words hardly audible. “A world where nobody has to worry about war.”

“Then I think we are ready to begin,” Vassa says, turning toward the estate, the library inside. Tamlin’s collection is relatively meager, even compared to the human realms, but she knows he has some relevant volumes.

“Didn’t we begin weeks ago?” Elain’s skirts rustle has she tries to keep up.

“I’ve given you some very rudimentary tools. Now we start working on your legacy.”

There’s a pull at Vassa’s chest and shoulders right as she makes the statement, and when she looks over her shoulder, certain that Koschei has escaped his lake, has found her latest hiding spot, Elain is the one who reaches for her arm, pulling her to a different entrance.

“Tria said she’d have extra chocolate cake. Let’s celebrate our little victory first.” Her smile is a little sly, and Vassa can’t tell if she’d sensed the spell or was experiencing a moment of oblivious good luck. “You never told me if you had sisters or brothers.”

Vassa thinks of her cousin Leda, willful and gorgeous, heir to Scythia if Vassa herself cannot return. She rubs at her chest, where the enchantment weighs heaviest.

“I was my parents’ only child,” she says, finally, her voice high in her ears. A child’s voice, one she banished long ago.

“Well, your majesty, as it happens, I have two sisters, and we have a custom of celebration with sweets. Surely even a queen can spare a few hours for chocolate.”

Vassa intends to save a slice for Lucien, but within an hour, she and Elain have devoured all that remains of the cake and have started drinking wine, and before she knows it, Vassa is laughing uproariously at Elain’s theory that Tamlin was never hugged as a child.

When Lucien runs into the kitchen, eyes wide and worried, Elain offers him a glass and lingers while Vassa recounts their evening.

“I’ll leave the two of you to raid the larder,” she says, after a while, giving an exaggerated stretch that is obviously faked, aiming a smile at Vassa as she leaves the kitchens.

Vassa never wanted to leave Scythia or her people, but as she raises her glass to her lips, the faerie wine heady on her tongue, she thinks that maybe it would be all right if she was stuck in Prythian a bit longer.

[absentlyabbie]

“Not the best with words, but I’m told I’m great with a hug.” - Family and (mis)fortune fic 😊 if that's okay, i love this au so so much haha

thanks for this prompt, anon! sorry it’s a month late in the filling, but i’ve been working at it the whole time, i promise. i hope this satisfies what you wanted, and thanks so much for loving this self-indulgent crack au with me <3

a family and (mis)fortune fic

on ao3

moments growing up in the life of tommy merlyn, part-time wayne foster child. (four)

—————

Bruce was at a loss.

For reasons beyond comprehension, it hadn’t been nearly this difficult to bring Dick into his home; maybe they had just grieved too much the same, raged too much the same. Bruce had understood Dick all too well. Not that that had made things easy at the very beginning, but it meant Bruce had something to start with.

Tommy was nothing like that.

He was certainly angry, and undoubtedly grieving. But everything he did was an attempt to hide or subvert those things. He was either bright and animated like a boy who didn’t know a fraction of his loss and hurt, or he was shut down and silent.

“He’ll open up,” Alfred had assured him after the boys had gone upstairs. “You were rather a closed fist yourself in his position.”

“That was different,” Bruce replied, lips pressed in thought. “And I was never in his position.”

“No?” Alfred questioned, that one challenging eyebrow arched. “Alone in all the world, too full of things too large for that age?”

Bruce shook his head, the tilt of his smile wry. “I wasn’t truly alone. I had you.”

Alfred only hummed at that. Nevertheless, his point was made.

Huffing a laugh, Bruce nodded. “Alright. Fine. I’m going.”

Up the stairs and down the hall, past Dick’s room, down two doors and across the hall. The door was open, the boys’ voices spilling into the hall all chatter and laughter. It made Bruce breathe a little sigh of relief; he hadn’t known for sure if they would get along. He had of course thought it likely, the factors enough in favor of that outcome it had helped make the decision for him. But they were five years apart in age, and Bruce knew so little about Tommy and how he was likely to react that he was pretty much a wildcard.

He paused just outside the door, eavesdropping shamelessly.

“Oh cool, I’ve seen this movie. How come this one’s in your suitcase and not with the rest of your stuff?” Dick was asking.

“It’s my favorite,” Tommy answered, more solemnly than the context seemed to justify.

Dick’s cheer took on a valiant, striving edge. “Yeah? I get that. Robin Williams is hilarious. And man, Rufio, so cool right?”

“Yeah, Rufio’s awesome.”

There was a pause, then Dick asked, carefully lightly. “I guess that’s not why it’s your favorite though?”

A rustle of cloth, maybe a shrug. “My Mom got it for me. It was the last thing she gave me, before she…”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, if you ever wanna watch it, I’m in. Or not, if that’s better?”

“No,” Tommy hurried to reply. “No, that’d be cool.”

“Cool,” Dick echoed. “Wait’ll you see the entertainment room, it’s almost like being at the theater. Bruce almost never uses it, but I guess he figured if you’ve got a bazillion dollars and you’re gonna take in feral acrobats as a new and eccentric hobby, you gotta trick out one room with stuff kids like.” He paused, his voice dropping to a teasing stage whisper that might as well have been an elbow in Bruce’s ribs; his presence had been noted. “Honestly, it was probably Alfred, I’d bet.”

“Yeah? I mean, home was…” Tommy’s pause was less a hesitation than a sinkhole in the middle of his sentence. “I mean, we’re rich. Were rich. But this place is bigger. We didn’t have like a movie theater in the house or anything. Dad would’ve—”

Bruce held his breath, but Dick didn’t break into the sudden anger of that bitten-off phrase.

Anger banked to bitter, and Tommy forged through the end of the sentence. “Dad would’ve said something like that was a waste for just me.”

There was another pause, but it seemed like Dick was just letting that moment breathe for a second, letting the hurt bleed a little, bleed off a little. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet and so sincere Bruce was struck with gratitude that his protege was not merely clever and insightful, but so genuinely kind.

“Well, there’s two of us here. We’ll do movie nights, make sure we make good use of it.”

Tommy’s answer was quiet, shyly pleased. “Okay. That sounds good.”

Bruce figured he’d better make this his opportunity, otherwise the eavesdropping would stretch to a point that was just awkward. He stepped into the doorway, leaning against the jamb as he rapped his knuckles gently against the polished mahogany. “How’s it going in here?”

Dick turned to him with an amused raise of his brows, seated on Tommy’s bed with a plastic VHS case next to him. Tommy was standing next to him, his suitcase open on the foot of the bed, contents in the process of untidily transferring to the chest of drawers against the wall. It hit Bruce like a punch to the chest—and he’d know—the way Tommy visibly closed up at the sight of him.

He’d need to address that, and soon. At least try.

In fact…

Bruce cleared his throat and canted his head towards the hall. “Dick, can you give me a minute with Tommy? I’m sure Alfred could use some help with dinner.”

Dick launched gracefully to his feet with a melodramatic sigh and accompanying eyeroll. “Fine. I mean, it’s not like we can let you do it. I want dinner to be edible, and Alfred doesn’t deserve that kind of stress.”

Bruce just rolled his eyes towards the ceiling as if his patience were perhaps hidden in the attic. Dick snickered. He passed Bruce and out the door, squawking indignantly as Bruce took mild revenge by ruffling his hair. Dick bobbed away and stampeded down the hall.

Bruce smiled fondly after him a moment before turning to Tommy.

The younger boy wasn’t looking at him, head bent as he sloppily folded a pair of jeans that had been more neatly folded before he began. His movements were slow and clumsy, and Bruce knew he was paying less attention to his task than he was to appearing to not pay attention to Bruce.

Inhaling deeply, Bruce reached for somewhere to begin. “Mind if I come in?”

Tommy looked up at him, first with surprise, then muted skepticism. “It’s your house.”

“And your room,” Bruce pointed out mildly, inclining his head. Tommy blinked at him and he let his smile show just a little more. “Hopefully you’ll think of this as your house, too, someday.”

That statement struck.

Bruce’s chest clenched in surprise and a tinge of regret at the way Tommy’s face flickered—first with shock, then a longing so piercing it howled, then a cynical misery he wasn’t nearly old enough for—before blanking entirely.

Tommy’s only answer, in the end, was a shrug.

Wincing, Bruce scratched idly at the back of his neck. “You don’t have to, of course. I don’t want to pressure you, Tommy. I know this is all sudden, and very far from home, and you don’t know me well.”

Tommy stared at him, jeans forgotten in his hands and brows pulling together with each word in a dubious frown. “Well. Yeah.”

Bruce chuckled a little awkwardly, at himself. He wasn’t exactly sticking this landing. “I’m just trying to say that I hope you can feel comfortable here. I want you to feel like this is home. Like you have a place here.”

Tommy worried his upper lip with his teeth, brows still knotted over that steady gaze. For a moment, he looked like he might actually show Bruce how he was really feeling, like they might actually, really connect.

His thin chest expanded on a deep breath, and Bruce waited, hopeful.

But then Tommy’s face twisted in a duh expression Dick would have been proud to pull off. He smirked in that ridiculing way only children manage, but his tone wasn’t mean so much as teasing when he said, “That’s what you were trying to say?”

Bruce wished he could take back the laugh that startled out of him. He genuinely did. It only encouraged Tommy to push that fake humor further.

Tommy’s smirk bloomed into a grin that would have been brilliant if it hadn’t been paper thin. “You’re not very good with words, are you.”

Bruce arched his brows at the sling of that sass. God, if he and Dick ever ganged up on him, he was in deep shit.

Worse, he was about to have to squash it.

He couldn’t just let this go on. Let Tommy keep tumbling into whatever role he thought would play best to his new audience whenever he didn’t want to feel what he was feeling, or was afraid how it would be used against him.

(It made the fist in his pocket clench, to think of who must have taught him that survival mechanism. He was a little boy. No nine-year-old should be this attuned to the moods of the adults around them. Too many, too many of those adults had shaped Tommy this way when he was too young and too malleable, and if the first to do it weren’t already dead, Bruce would be hunting down Malcolm Merlyn under cape and cowl for a reckoning.)

“You don’t have to do that, Tommy.”

He said it softly, but Tommy still flinched. Barely visible, too consciously suppressed for Bruce’s comfort.

His chin briefly wobbling, Tommy widened his eyes and stiffened his upper lip, looking down at his half empty suitcase and deflecting, “It seems rude to make that Alfred guy do it. They’re my underwear.”

Bruce sighed. “You know I’m not talking about your clothes.” Finally, he moved into the room, stopping a couple feet on the opposite side of the bed, both hands in his pockets, shoulders in a posture intended not to intimidate. Tommy hunched anyways. “You don’t have to make me laugh to stay here. You don’t have to be anything to stay here. Just you. I know you’ve been shuffled around and left waiting to know where you were allowed to be. So I’ll just say it. You’re allowed to be here.”

Tommy’s head jerked up and he stared, eyes round and tense, that betraying wobble back in his chin. His breath hissed too rapidly from his nose, knuckles going white on the edge of his open suitcase. Quiet but heated, he whispered, “For now.”

Bruce felt his own face betray him, saw Tommy’s sharp eyes clock the devastated twitch of his brows, the parting of his lips.

Immediately, reflexively, Tommy’s mouth split in another grin bright and false as tinted foil. “I mean. You said I’m going back to Starling for school, right? So. For—for now. Then, I’m back at school. I’ve never been in the dorms. It’ll probably be… cool.”

Bruce firmed his jaw and tucked his chin, meeting Tommy’s fevered eyes seriously. He ignored the entire tumble of words, cutting through the panic, through the act. Direct, Bruce Wayne could do. “You belong here. Not just now. Yes, you’ll go back to school. And when school is out, you’ll be back. Because you’ll still belong here.”

Tommy’s defenses—too well built, too resilient—finally cracked. His grin faltered, slipped. And when it dropped entirely, tears spilled sudden as a faucet over Tommy’s cheeks. He jerked, wiped frantically at his face, and when the tears kept coming and his breath hitched in a sob, he turned sharply away, putting his back to Bruce.

“I-I’m fine,” he stammered damply. “I’m fine. Sorry. I’m fine.”

Bruce’s heart clenched so tightly he thought it might implode from the pain of seeing how disposable this child had been made to feel. “No. You’re not. And that’s okay. Even if you’re not fine, you still belong here.” He paused as Tommy glanced at him over his shoulder, face red, tears still coming, shoulders shaking. “I probably should have said that in the first place.”

Maybe it was time to stop waiting on Tommy. Maybe it was time to reach towards him first for once. Bruce moved around the foot of the bed, stopping and sitting gingerly beside the suitcase when Tommy whirled towards him, tripping back a step over his own feet.

Bruce tried a smile for him as Tommy just stared at him and cried. He still hadn’t responded to being told he belonged. Bruce suspected he was afraid to.

Sighing, he nodded, smile rueful. “You were right, I’m not very good with words.”

This surprised a wet laugh out of Tommy, a muffled giggle that made him sound more his actual age. “Told you.”

Bruce’s eyes crinkled back at Tommy, and Tommy tried to fist the wet tracks off his red cheeks.

Lifting his head higher, Bruce pushed the suitcase towards the pillows and patted the comforter beside him. “Well. I may not be the best with words, but I’m told I’m great with a hug.” He held an arm out to the side, an offer. “If that’s alright?”

Tommy hesitated, biting his lip so hard Bruce worried it would bleed. Finally, haltingly, Tommy closed the steps to the bed and sat next to Bruce. Meeting him halfway. Bruce’s heart soared in triumph and relief and he wrapped his arm around Tommy’s shoulders—too thin, small for his age—and squeezed him gently against his side.

Letting his head fall against his shoulder, Tommy tsked. “Great with a hug, huh?” Bruce looked down at him with a raised eyebrow and caught the edge of Tommy’s smirk, the boy’s head angled down. This smile, at least, looked real. “Somebody lied to you.”

Bruce didn’t try not to laugh this time, and Tommy’s joined his, filling the room.

He hoped it was a sound they’d all get used to.

—————

@memcjo @klaus-hargreeves-katz @its-a-pygmy-puffle @keabbs @princesssarcastia @obscure-sentimentalist @icannotbelieveiamhere @p0cketw0tch @andyouweremine @storiesofimagination @acheaptrickandacheesyoneline @cronusamporaofficial @batsonthebrain @adeusminhacolombina @relevanttosomeone

[rairahime]

Fenrir x MC | “Hide and Seek”

☆ Ikemen Revolution Fanfic ☆

I did it! I wrote a fic that im kinda okay with!! I hope you guys like it and I hope I did Fenrir justice lol 

Also, i’m sorry if the formatting is weird, but Tumblr really wont let me change it?? I hope its just a glitch on my end or something and it looks okay for you guys!!

General idea: Fenrir and mc go on a day trip out of the city and discover an abandoned building with a cool tower (OoooOoo) and they have a lil fun LOL

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

Word Count: 1,783

Genre: Fluff

Warning: none at all:)

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

While exploring the outskirts of the city on a rare day off, Fenrir and I stumbled upon an abandoned building. It was quite beautiful, with a large gate that had winding flowers around each bar that reminded me a lot of the designs back in my world.

The building itself was not very large, but its main redeeming feature is a tall tower with what seemed like an open air balcony and a concave roof. I thought about how the stairs up the tower would probably be completely unstable, but Fenrir insisted it probably would be fine, and in the end he convinced me to check it out as curiosity got the best of me.

These past few weeks have been quite busy for both Fenrir and I. He’s been training with the black army nearly everyday, and I’ve still been trying to get everything in order after deciding to stay in Cradle. Free days such as these were rare, so when Fenrir saw that both of us could free up our schedule today, he suggested we both go on a day trip exploring the outskirts of Cradle, which I gladly agreed with. I’ve really missed Fenrir’s Cradle tours, and would never skip out on a chance to go another one.

We both walked through the gates to find an unkept garden inside. The grass is completely overgrown, leaving the ground extremely soft to each step we took. Past the gates, the view was surreal. Hundreds of flowers were blooming, some I recognized and others I’ve never seen before. Within the thousands of dandelions, I spotted lilies, tulips, gardenias, and even some lily of the night’s. At the farthest corner by the structure I could see a pond with what seemed like lily pads delicately swaying with the soft breeze. Everything together looked like it was straight out of a picture book.

While admiring the view, a certain group of shrubs keep grabbing my attention. The leaves were a dull green and strangely large for a shrub, but what was truly interesting were the specks of pink and blue that, after blinking a few times, I figure out they’re actually glowing. I can’t tell exactly what they were, but I think they may be a berry of sorts.

Glowing berries, huh? Cradle never stops amazing me

As I continued to take in in the garden around me and the freeing open field, joy filled my heart and I impulsively started running through the grass and flowers, dragging Fenrir by the hand.

“Woah woah woah, we’ve got a runner here,” Fenrir exclaimed between bursts of laughter, his voice filling the air. Even to this day, hearing his laughter still makes my heart squeal.

“I just couldn’t help it, its so beautiful here Fenrir! Its like a rule: when you see an open field, you GOTTA run through it,” I said after stopping and twirling around, looking at the afternoon sky.

The sky is painted all sorts of colours today, with the softest lilac enveloping the sky as a vibrant peachy tone forms on the horizon. Soft, large clouds turned a vibrant pink when kissed by the sun’s rays, and it all looks so beautiful you could wish to reach out your hand and give it the gentlest touch.

“Yeah, we really did stumble upon a gem, how lucky are we??” Fenrir exclaimed, snapping my attention away from the sky. and as I stole a look at him, I could see that his eyes zoned in on the tower, and a mischievous smile crept to his lips.

“Pretty lucky,” I answered, pausing and turning around to look at Fenrir. His face was glowing under the peachy tones of the sun, his hair tinted into an even deeper magenta.

Oh to be the sun right now, gently kissing his skin like that…

I caught my train of thought before it choo-chooed far away.

Fenrir looked back at me, and suddenly scooped me up into his arms and started spinning. I squealed as he began to sing a tune, and I remembered our walk in the rain in the first days we’ve known each other, oh how time flies.

Eventually, we both collapsed on the ground from laughter, watching the floating clouds above, giggling every once in a while just by being in each others presence.

“C’mon, we gotta see the inside of this place, and we GOTTA go up that cool looking tower- i’m sure the view from there would be amazing,” Fenrir trumpeted while getting up.

I agreed, and followed him up before we both walk into the building, hand in hand.

When inside, I could really tell how magnificent this building once used to be. The ceiling is painted a scene of clouds and a starry sky, and when I squint, I made out out what looks like a delicate placement of encrusted crystals. After finally peeling my eyes away from the ceiling, I noticed the stained glass windows lining the walls, and the grand staircase right in the middle of the building that leads to the second floor. While the paint seemed somewhat dusty and dull now, this whole place would have been a vibrant work of art. Something is weird though, for a place that seems to have been abandoned for a long time, it’s quite clean.

“Weird how it’s not so dusty and icky in here,” I mentioned to Fenrir, “for a place that seemed to not have had any visitors in years.”

“Huh, good point… weird,” Fenrir replied.

Fenrir let go of my hand, suddenly filled with excitement.

“I’ve got an idea! Let’s make this even more fun and play a lil hide and seek, okay? Cmon, i’ll hide first, count to thirty okay! And no peeking!” He exclaimed

Fenrir left me no time to protest, dashing away.

Guess I better start counting then…

Placing my hands on top of your eyes, I started loudly counting

“1....2....3.....”

Finally at thirty, I let my hands fall to my sides and scanned the area. Knowing Fenrir, he probably went straight upstairs, or maybe even to the tower, but I think I’ll scan the first floor first, just in case.

After walking through vacant hallways and opening empty wardrobes, it was clear Fenrir wasn’t hiding here, and nothing of interest was around anyways.

Guess it’s time to go upstairs now.

The main staircase was made of marble, with the base of the handrails featured delicate carvings of rabbits and grape vines. The more I spend time here, the more I wonder why such a lovely place was left forgotten, or who it used to belong to in the first place.

Turning left, I quickly found a staircase that could only be leading to the top of the tower. The stairs were quite stable and safe, just as Fenrir insisted they would be, and after some debate, I decided I’ll just go up now.

Half way through and I already regret my decision to go up as my calfs began to cry in pain.

Fenrir BETTER be up this tower, or I would have gone up this freaking mountain of a staircase for NOTHING

Finally reaching the top, exhausted, I push the heavy wooden door to unveil a sight I would never forget. Not in a million years.

There are lit candles all over, with rose petals dusted on the ground, some even forming a path to the middle, where a picnic is set up. In the middle of it all, is Fenrir grinning like a maniac. He’s laid sideways on top of the blanket, with one arm propping his head up with his elbows, and the other holding what looked like a bottle of champagne.

Gobsmacked, I stare at Fenrir, when he comically spoke, “alas, the gorgeous woman reunites with the charming man once more,” proceeding to pull the cork off the bottle with his teeth, and raising his eyebrows.

While he was quite funny, everything together was just mesmerizing. I quickly realize that this whole day must have been prearranged by Fenrir. The trip, the “discovery” of the building, why the building happened to be so clean, and oh my god…hide and seek! Thinking of how much thought and effort Fenrir must have put into organizing all this, my heart melt.

“Oh my god, Fenrir. This is so beautiful.. wow...” your voice trailed off, as no words can really describe how you’re feeling right then and there.

“You like it?” Fenrir asked, nervousness showing in his face.

“Like it?!? I more than like it Fenrir! I love it! This is just so freakin’ beautiful! I don’t know what to say...”

“Then don’t say anything,” he said, smiling, “just come and enjoy this moment with me”

I simply nodded, taking a seat next to him as he sat up.

I scanned the picnic that he has set up and thought of how delicious everything looks.

“It all looks so good Fenrir!” I burst out

“I made it all myself, ya’know... i mean, Luka gave me a few notes- but it’s all hand made by yours truly, i promise,” Fenrir explained, “and no guns were involved in the making,” he added with a wink.

The fact that this was all made by him just made everything ten times better. The time he must have spent to get everything right!

Among the fruit skewers, pb&j sandwiches, scones, and strawberry sandwiches, a little bag caught my eye. Peering inside, I could see that it contains what looks exactly like the glowing berries I saw outside. Fenrir noticed my attention to them, and quickly enlightened me on what they are

“Ah yes, i knew you’d be into these! These are a Cradle exclusive, ya know? They’re the juiciest, sweetest, most perfect berries you’ll ever have in your life!”

“They’re glowing, Fenrir! They seem too beautiful to eat”

“I hear ya, but let me tell you this: they taste even better than they look, i promise”

I glanced back at the berries and picked one up and popped it right into my mouth.

He was right, they did somehow taste even better than they looked.

“Oh Fenrir, you’re right, they’re delicious”

“I just cant help being right sometimes” he answered back with a shrug, grinning.

A soft smile formed on my face, and I thought about how full of excitement and joy my days with Fenrir always seem to be.

We both just sat next to each other in a comfortable silence, and munched on the carefully made snacks, appreciating the time we have together and admiring the sky and setting sun.

This must be the best end of a game of hide and seek to ever happen…

[an-anxious-turtle]

Hey hey! More OC asks for @thenerdcommander. Slowly chugging through it with this next batch of questions.

1.       Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Fen: Fenris! I said it to her before she went to bed n’ I went on watch, cuz its true! She’s kinda like a mom to me. I love everyone else too, but she was the only one awake when I said it.

Lisha: I’d say it was my sister Fen, but that was so long ago now. There has to have been something more recent right? Or am I truly that isolated?

Jolea: Eld, of course. He’s the only one that deserves it.

Kali: It was kind of awkward but probably that one drunk person in a tavern who was getting really aggressive with people. He came up to me at some point and just started yelling all shorts of hostile nonsense. Why he wasn’t kicked out right away goodness knows. But he paused, probably because he needed to breathe and I was like “Oh yes, I love you too”, then left because it was getting too noisy in there anyway. Plus I thought he might punch me the second I finished speaking.

Esca: My refection. A good pep talk before a performance. Plus I love me, so I make sure to tell me that often.

N: …..*no response*

 2.       Have you ever broken someone’s heart? If so, how did you do it? Have you ever stopped yourself before you broke someone’s heart?

Fen: Have I broke a heart? Well I think I probably have? I mean I’ve fired an awful lotta arrows an I probably got a few in the heart before? Dunno if it broke. Do holes count as breaking? An’ yeah! Mosta the time I don’t gotta STOP myself cuz I’m not gonna do it anyway, unless they wanna hurt me first. I never really like it but I gotta do it sometimes.

Lisha: Maybe once. I suppose I did. Merely by leaving and not coming back. It was the one and only though, so I don’t have a lot of experience in stopping myself’. I do feel terrible, but feel even more terrible about my sister. I cannot go home yet.

Jolea: Oh I assume so, but who cares really. I mean, if its not meant to be then its not. No need to be all upset over something that’s over. You, or I can miss someone though. But missing someone is hardly being broken, right?

Kali: Oh I doubt it. Anything I ever do I go into with the explicit terms that anything that happens is purely casual. Nothing has ever developed far enough for broken hearts to occur. Though I suppose this isn’t all about romance is it? I wish I could remember. I wonder if I broke the heart of my family. Maybe that’s why they never came back for me.

Esca: Oh hundreds! The hearts of all who see me and know they cannot be with me. Its tragic really. I feel for them but what can I do? I can’t cancel my existence

N: *has not broken any hearts, yet. But she can think of a few who will be. Literally. As soon as she gets out of here.*

3.  How many people have you had sex with this year? Details not necessary but feel free to divulge if you want.

Fen: Ah…oh that’s the naked thing rig- *cue adult intervention please*

Lisha: *a single index finger is all you get*

Jolea: *shrugs* Probably about three? Does it really matter?

Kali: I think….I think I’ve probably not been counting? Last month was about two…

Esca: No one. Not yet.

N: *has left the conversation*

4. Would you consider yourself strong and/or powerful? If so, why? If not, why not?

Fen: Probably not really no…I cant barely even use my hand so goin’ and doing strong people stuff is real hard. But I do gots magic! And some of it can be real blasty an powerful! So maybe I’m not powerful but the magic is!

Lisha: I’d be deluding myself if I said I thought I wasn’t. I’m one of the strongest in the clan. Biggest and strongest and that’s basically what I’m known for. I can use the heaviest weapons, take out the biggest enemies…ect…So yeah physically I am strong. Emotionally not so much. I do tend to bottle things up quite intensely. Which is probably not very healthy. I’m lucky my battle rage give me an outlet, but there has to be a better way to handle this.

Jolea: Of course I’m strong. Its not like I’d even have all the skills I do now if I wasn’t I worked HARD. I trained for hours, learned by observation, challenged myself, all so I could be the best I could be. Without magic. I am proof to the clan I can be stronger, and a more powerful leader then my sister, even lacking the magic they all hold so dear.

Kali: Uuh…no? Look at these arms. *flops around an arm a bit* I’d say limp and floppy as an eel but those things are actually pure muscle so bad analogy there. I can’t even credit myself with being powerful. That, my friends is all my god. I channel it but the power is theirs borrowed. So basically I’m a useless hunk of moss that can occasionally do really sweet things because my god is the most powerful, most generous, and probably most handsome god out there and he lets me.

Esca: Am *I* strong? Did you seriously just ask me that? After I just finished my very strength based circus performance that takes many hours weekly to keep up the strength for? I mean all you even have to do it look at me. I have…the perfect…physical form for what I have to do…and pretty much everything else to. And seeing as I am so strong I am obviously powerful too. I’ve got this mysterious magic I’m still figuring out but once I do…watch out world.

N: *as usual says nothing, but shrugs, and raises her hands, and all the little potted plants and such seem to brighten up and bloom to twice their former size. She shrugs again and looks curious about what you think*

5. Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

Fen: ?? Why would anyone be seein’ me in my underwear?

Lisha: In the last three months, no.

Jolea: If this is relating back to that other awkward, intrusive question, then obviously yes. Move on now please.

Kali: I don’t even wear underwear

Esca: Just my roommate. It’s not on purpose but it happens sometimes in a communal living situation where no one has any freaking privacy ever.

N: ? D8<

[rami-writes-blog]

Someone like... Me? - Part 2 (Fem reader  x Rami Malek + Gwilym Lee)

You've done make-up for lots of movies and shows but being in charge for the make-up for the guys from Bohemian Rhapsody has been the coolest job ever. You always have a blast with the boys on set and you often stay longer than you actually need to. Romance blooms and shatters but is it the romance you first thought? Or hoped for? Friendship.. Love.. Forgiveness.. Actions often speak louder than words. God works in mysterious ways.. And maybe, you should open up to things your heart tells you, not your mind?

——————

PART 2.

Will Rami take step up in your relationship? Or does he have other plans? You may just have to look closely, because actions sometimes speak louder than words. Is there someone with an hidden agenda? Don't forget, every coin has two sides. And most importantly, will you figure out what happened in that trailer with Rami and Lucy?

Wordcount: + 2,2K.

Warnings: none.

X

(feel free to DM me or anything - love to hear feedback or just get ideas and everything !)

------

I just got out of the shower when I hear my doorbell ring. Fuck. I quickly wrap a towel around my hair and put my bathrope on. I open the door, kind of hoping it's Rami but to my surprise it's Gwil already. He's like 45 minutes early. I sarcasticly look on my watch (I don't even have on). ''I'm sorry but – I didn't know you meant English time''. I can't help but laugh and he rolls his eyes .''I was ready already and you know me – I'd rather be on time''. I give him a kiss on his cheek like I always do and let him in, ''don't mind me – I'm still getting ready''.. 

''No problem Amy – take your sweet time. I'll just grab a beer if that's ok''. He knows he doesn't need to ask but still always does. ''Sure - you know where everything is. Just make yourself at home'' . I just picked out an outfit and I'm trying to find the right shoes when I can hear Gwil playing my guitar - how didn't I know he could play guitar? 

Ofcourse. He plays Brian May and knowing Bri he'll surely taught him to do so. The melody he's playing.. – it's like – It's so beautiful and I'm sure I recognize it. I'm completely astonished when I hear his voice, so beautiful and pure.. Hearing the first words I finally recognize the song –

♪ ,We'll do it all, everything, on our own' ♪, I decide to peek through the crack of the door..  

♪  If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?' ♪

When I walk towards him he finally looks up but doesn't stops playing – I sit down next to him. He never takes his eyes off of me and even if I wanted to, I can't stop admiring him, so I just sit there, not breathing, not blinking, nothing – just watching him. He has such an beautiful voice.. When he when he finishes the song I just – I keep staring at him ,,Liked it?'' he asks.

''Oh my God, Gwil. What the fuck. That was literally the most beautiful thing that has ever blessed my ears''. His cheeks turn a bit red and he just tries to wave it away. He quickly tries to revert the attention from him to me. ''do you play?'' He asks me. ''Hmm. I've been practicing this song I absolutely love but..''.. ''well let's hear it then'' he says genuinely being curious. I really don't want to but he insists. So I take the guitar from him, try to find the right notes and when I finally do, I make myself comfortable on the couch and start playing.

♪ Hey there, Delilah, what's it like in New York city? I'm a thousand miles away, but girl tonight you look so pretty.. Yes, you do.. Times Square can't shine as bright as you..I swear, it's true' ♪

With my eyes closed, enjoying the music. Focussing on playing and singin, he suddenly starts singing along quietly to the chords. Making it a beautiful duet. We were jamming and just sipping wine like this for what felt like only a couple of minutes but when we finally got out of our own world and got track of time again – it already was 11 p.m. It probably was one of the best nights I had in a very long time.

''Are you hu-'' I lift my eyebrow as he says it and he starts laughing ''ofcourse- why do I even bother to ask? You're always hungry''. I'm surprised by how good he knows me - even though we only know each other for a few months now. ''Get your coat on – we're going for your favorite'' he says.  My mouth forms an 'O' as if I can't believe what he just said .. ''MCDONALDS!!!!'' I scream being tipsy and happy at the same time. Before walking out of the door I remember I'm not even wearing make-up, ''wait I-m not even ready I mean I don't even wear make-up or anything I can't walk around like this''. He stands still in his trace ''looking like what?'' I point towards my face and he doesn't seem to care ''well in my opinion you don't even need make-up but.. If you rather put on make-up than eat a burger, it's fine b-''. Before even finishing his sentence I walk past him, ''lets go then!''. He laughs. ''it works every time'''.

Gwil is such a douche and even though we haven't been friends that long – there's something familiar about him. I feel safe with him and I trust him. He's one of the people most close to me in my life. Someone who'd do anything for you and you can just be yourself with.. Sometimes you just find yourself having an instant connection with someone and Gwil definitely one of those people.

After we've eaten something we decide we're both still far from tired in a way too good mood to go back home and to bed, so we go for a beer at the cafetaria two blocks down.  I love these nights out with him. I've never been a girl that has lots of girl-friends. I find dealing with boys much less drama. Also - I'm not a barbie girl like all the other girls so our interest would be way different. Boys are so down to earth and not bitchy (over all then).

As we toast to a fun night out, I see the look in his eyes change. He now looks really serious and.. Sad? Angry? What is it.... ''What's wrong?'' I ask with a sincere tone. ''No nothing I-'' but before he can finish his sentence I look behind me. Gwil tries to stop me but he doesn't succeed.

I can't believe my eyes when I see Rami standing a few feet away from me. I want to walk towards him to greet him but before I can even make my fifth step I'm pinned to the ground. Lucy is with him and I don't know why but I can't stop staring at them. He leans towards her and  she kisses him– like I exptected it to happen or something. It feels like minutes and at that very moment it was like I lost sence of reality. My glass of beer falls on the ground, I turn around and run away.

 ''AMY'' Gwil yelled, just above talking volume. He stands there for another second until his gaze meets Rami's, so he'd know damn well he fucked up - and then chases after me. Rami behind him. Both yelling my name as we're running down the street, trying to keep up with me. Luckily I used to play soccer so they didn't have an easy time doing so.

But Gwil does marathon, plus he has long legs so after two streets he was able to stop me. I give him an agry look ''you and your long ass legs'' , but he doesn't care, he sees I'm crying so he puts his hands on my shoulder. ''I'm so sorry Amelia'' and the wraps his arms around me and I swear I can feel his pity but I don't want it so I wrestle myself out of his hug. At that moment Rami has caught up too. Totally out of breath. ''Amelia... P. Please... It.. Wasn't....What...It..Looked...Like'' He can't even make a proper sentence, being so out of breath.

A: ''You mean  just like you and her in your trailer won't look 'what it looked' like??'' His gaze now serious. ,,Yeah.. That's right. I came back to say goodbye to you but apparently you were 'busy' I said while making the quotation mark with my fingers.

R: ''You think really I'd ch-'' A: ''That's some balls you have there, asking that while you JUST FUCKING DID'' R: ''Baby she- it really wasn't what it looked like'' A: ''Rami, just.. Just leave'' R: ''Amy- I-'' A: ''RAMI LEAVE''. R: ''Please let me explain'' A: ''Just go.. You clearly have made your choice and I hope you'll be happy. I truly do'' Tears streaming down my face, I can't even look at him. R: ''Baby, no - please..'' ''...Please.. I'm so sorry'' ''.... Amelia, please say something''

When I finally gather the courage to look up, tears still blurring my vision.. He takes a few step towards me and I take one back. Gwil is sharp-eyed – watching Rami's every move. ''Don't e- just don't.' I warn him. I can see tears burning in his eyes, words he wants to say but it's like he's paralyzed - his hands wanting to hold me but holding himself back..  I know he wants to touch me but he also knows I won't let him.

Finally I'm able to bring some words out, ''Rami, I-..'' my gaze focusses down.. ''We're done''.. I turn around and walk away, leaving Rami calling my name - wanting to follow me, chase me, talk to me..  But before he gets the chance, Gwil step towards him, stopping him with his hand. ''You better not mate. Not now''.. Rami wants to get furious at Gwil, but before he lets him, Gwil just says: ''Cant you see you broke her heart.. And the worst thing is - she saw it coming''. Gwil puts his hand down and walks away too.. following me. Chasing me. All the way home.

I don't say a word and when I'm home I immediately go up to my roof – I always go there for some thinking. I take my guitar with me. I smoke a cigarette and drink a beer. It's my best company at times like this. The doorbell rings for a few times and I can hear Gwil arguing with someone. I bet it's Rami. I can't hear what they're saying but to be honest I don't even care.

------------------------ Gwil's POV

''Mate, leave. Now.''.. Rami tries to push me away to speak to her. But compared to him I'm a big guy so tough luck for him.

''AMELIA'' . He keeps yelling her name hoping she'll come to him. ''We have neighbors mate.. She wants to be alone, leave''. Rami tries convincing me he needs to talk to her. ''Just go home man. You fucked up and there's nothing you can do but give her time''. When I'm doing my best to get rid of him I can hear her playing her guitar.

♪ , Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes, but it's the only thing.. that I know ' ♪

I see Rami's look turn to complete sadness. ''I did this to her''. ''You sure did'' I agree with him. I'm not planning on making him feel better than he needs to and I decide he needs to go and if he doesn't want to listen to me, he'll have to find out the hard way. ''Rami, you're leaving. NOW.'' I  push him and shut the door. Locking it. He knocks on it a few times but I leave him be. He'll get tired eventually and leave.

I decide to grab two more beers and get up to the roof too. She stops playing when I sit down next to her. ''Are you okay?.. I know it's a dumb question, I want to know anyway'' I worry about her. ''Can't say I didn't see it coming'' she confesses. I agree with her because I saw it too. I think we all did. ''Sometimes your heart just needs time to realise that very thing that your mind already realised'' I hope she doesn't think it's her fault.  I'm not sure if Rami still loves Lucy at this point, but he sure is still hurting because of her and people who're hurting and had a few drinks can make decisions they come to regret.

We just sit there with the two of us, drinking some more drinks until it's well past 3 am. I go inside to grab her a blanket. Is chilly outside. She lays it over our shoulders, just sitting next to each other, her head on my shoulder. We've had way too much by now but honestly we both don't care. We  talk a bit, sing a bit, laugh a bit..– about everything and nothing but most of all I try taking her mind off of things. She deserves so much better than a douche like Rami – someone who gives her the world and doesn't cheat on her.. Someone like.. me.

,I'm tired' she says while yawning. Me too, it has been a long day. So we go back inside to get ready for bed. ''You take my bed, I can take the couch'' she says while grabbing her pillow. I can't hide my confusion.  ''You're not driving home when you've had this much to drink'' she explains to me. Well I wasn't planning on doing so but I it's not what I meant by my confused look "I didn't mean driving home – I just don't want you to be alone tonight, so if you're ok with it I'll just stay with you tonight''. She raises an eyebrow ''not like that'' I roll my eyes at her. The corners of her lips curl up a bit, giving me a weak but sweet smile.

I take off my clothes and before going to bed I brush my teeth and wash my face a bit. I'll just take a shower tomorrow morning. I had lots of missed calls, voicemails and texts from the guys, Lucy and Rami – all being worried sick. I'm way too pissed to text Rami – so I decide to text Joe that she's with me. The rest will surely get the message from Joe. I just decide to activate silence-mode and put my phone on her night-cabine.

---

I close the curtains and check my phone for messages.

[16] Missed calls from 'Rawme'

[4] Missed calls from 'Luce'

[9] Voicemails from 'Rawme'

[13] Texts from 'Rawme'

[1] Text from 'Luce' : ''Amelia- I'm so sorry pl....'

I don't bother reading nor replying to any of it and just shut off my phone. I just sit on the side of my bed for a few moments. I take off my jeans and bra. I don't even bother changing into my PJ's. ''It will be ok, Amy. You deserve someone who gives you the world'' Gwil reassures me. And he's right. I mean it's not really helping but I appreciate him trying. Gwil gets into bed, waiting for me to come in so he can dim the lights. I take out my contact lenses and get in bed. All curled up.

''Goodnight Gwil. Thank you.. this really means so much to me''.. '',Goodnight Amy''. He falls asleep right away, I lay there for a few more hours. I never got an answer on what happened in his trailer. He kissed her. My mind is all over the place, except for with the sleep I really need. eventually I tire myself enough to fall asleep.

-------------------

The next morning we both get woken up by the doorbell at around 6am. I get out of bed and open the door to avoid it wakes up Gwil. It's Rami and he looks terrible. He starts talking right away but I'm totally not in the mood. ''Did you sleep here or something?''.. he looks a bit guilty, ''I actually did yeah'' he says. The bags under his eyes tell me he probably got as much sleep as me. ''Come back tonight or whatever – we're sleeping'' and I shut the door before he can even say anything to it.

I crawl into bed and position myself onto my left side. I'm not sure what Gwil's dreaming about but when I'm back in the bed again, he turns around and wraps one arm around me, pulling me close and sniffing my hair. ''Who was it'' he asks. ''Rami'' I say. ''well, tell him to fuck off ''.. I reassure him ''I already did''. ''Good. The douche already stole you once - he'd better not try again'' he says in a really sleepy voice. He's clearly dreaming but boy - what is he talking about? What does he mean? Is he even talking about me? Am I.. Am I like it??? What the hell?

I can't help but smile myself through this shit at this moment, and now I'm dying to know what the story is behind it – so I'll be sure to ask it when we're eating breakfast later. I  know I shouldn't but - for now – I'm enjoying this way too much.

[joonbird]

Fire & Desire | 1

➭ “Kim Seokjin is everything you don’t want in a man. Cocky, full of himself and oh so annoying. And that’s what makes him the perfect fuck buddy. Because it’s not like you could ever see him as anything more than a heartless player... right?”

pairing: seokjin x reader

genre: smut, fuckboy!jin, dom!Jin

wordcount: 10.1k

a/n: *that* shower scene → inspired by this picture!

part one | two | three

You have a crush. 

It seems a bit silly to use the word crush, but really – it’s the most fitting word to describe how you feel when you’re around him. Your chest squeezes when you think about how he smiles with his eyes first lips second, your heartbeat rutting at a rapid pace when imagine him directing one of those smiles at you. Yep, definitely a crush. You have a crush, a big, embarrassing, painful crush, on no other than Kim Namjoon.

Kim Namjoon. Kim Namjoon is known to most as the newly promoted junior partner of your firm, a man with a sharp brain and an even sharper tongue. You however, know him as the man who has you thinking ‘oh my god he’s looking at me don’t blush don’t you dare fucking blush’ on an all too regular basis.

Of course, it’s not like he notices you. He’s your type to a tee, the kind of man you always imagined yourself ending up with. But his gaze always scans right past you -  when all you want is for it to linger. 

That is, until now.

“Hey,” Namjoon hovers above your desk and his eyes meet yours. Your breath leaps in your throat and you immediately pin your shoulders back, hoping that you look poised, elegant. A blush colours your cheeks when you realize you’re overthinking your actions, as if good posture will somehow make him wildly attracted to you.

Still, you pull your shoulders back and smile at him.

“…” 

A long silence stretches between the two of you, he clears his throat with an embarrassed tilt of his head, and you realize that he doesn’t even remember your name.

“Y/N,” You stammer out quickly and Namjoon nods. 

“Of course. Y/N. I was wondering…” His voice dips and for a wild moment you fantasize about the words that are about to come out of his mouth.

“… Do you mind photocopying this file? I would ask that new intern, but he’s already left for the day.” He adds a little smile at the end of his words and you can’t help but melt, like butter over a stack of pancakes. 

You’ve been working at this firm for nearly a year and you didn’t suffer through the hellish ordeal of law school to merely photocopy... but still, you find yourself nodding. The file is well over 200 pages and going to take a year to photocopy, but you grab it like it’s a god damn golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. 

Namjoon doesn’t notice the blush spreading across your cheeks and he’s already glancing down at his phone, and with an absentminded ‘Thanks’, he strolls away.

You’re bent over the photocopier, trying to figure out how you’re supposed to change the ink cartridges when the machine doesn’t seem to have any clear instructions whatsoever, when you hear voices.

You recognize them immediately – Namjoon’s calm voice melodic against the deeper, huskier voice of Kang Minho. Minho is one of the associates in your firm, an older man whose default mode is one of condescension. Particularly towards the few women employed at your firm. Needless to say, you aren’t a fan. 

They’ve clearly stopped in your office’s large break room to grab a coffee, and you wave at them, but neither men notice.

“…So tonight’s the big night, huh?” Minho’s voice floats down and you pause, intrigued. 

You wonder if you should say something, reveal that you’re down here on the ground grappling with ink cartridges. However, a morbid curiosity shushes the words before they can leave your lips. You duck down so they cant spot you, feeling somewhat like a fugitive.

“Yeah,” You hear Namjoon answer, followed by a chuckle. “Man, I’m fucking rusty. I haven’t been laid in months. I haven’t even talked to a woman in months.” He laughs ruefully and your eyes widen. 

“I know what you mean,” Minho sighs. “When are we gonna get some better looking ladies in here? I could use a hot little PA, not an old fucking crone. Have you seen Beth? I wouldn’t fuck her if you paid me.” 

Namjoon just laughs in response and you wrinkle your nose at the crudeness the two men are exuding.

“Although,” Minho muses. “There’s Y/N, that new lawyer, right? She’s pretty hot.” 

Your eyes widen when you hear your name, and you realize you’re holding your breath when you hear Namjoon make a noise that can be best described as the vocalization of an ‘ehhhh’.

“She doesn’t count,” Namjoon says finally, and you blink. “She’s like another guy.” 

Minho laughs loudly in response. “True.”

Fuck! You’re squeezing the ink cartridge and it explodes in your hands, sending black ink all over your palms. The sound of the cartridge clattering to the floor causes you to jump, and cringing, you scrabble to duck lower behind the photocopy machine. 

“What was that?” You hear Namjoon question, and you pray to all the divinities out there to stop him from rounding the corner.

“Dunno man. It’s probably nothing. Come on, let’s bounce.” Minho responds, and you breathe out a sigh of relief when you hear the sound of their footsteps retreating. 

You stay still for a moment, crouched over, your hands covered in ink. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, suddenly all too aware of the horrible sensation in your your chest. You want to cry. And not just a few tears, a big, ugly, chest-pain cry.

She doesn’t count? Like another guy? 

You ball up your fists and will yourself to be strong. You hate this- the sharp whip of rejection swelling in your chest. He’s an asshole, you chant internally, who cares what he thinks, you add to the chant. The need to cry subsides, but the sting doesn’t.

You finally stand up and walk to the bathroom, you scrub your hands one, twice, three times, the routine calming you down. By the time your hands are relatively clean, you’re feeling better. 

You leave the bathroom and walk down the hallway of cubicles, past the symphony of clacking keyboards and tired sighs. It’s already late, the sun melting into the skyline, and yet half of your team is still hard at work. Any other night and you would be working away alongside them. 

It’s the price you have to pay if you want to climb up the career ladder in this profession. You have to give up any semblance of a life, let alone a love life. How long has it since you’ve gone on a date, had sex, or even interacted with a guy? Aside from photocopying files for a man like you’re a nameless, voiceless intern, you think to yourself bitterly. 

You reach your tiny cubicle and stare miserably at the stack of papers on your desk, the open laptop, the cup of coffee. It’s Friday night and your plans were to finish your work, go home, cuddle your cat and sleep. 

Some Friday night.

Maybe it’s the frustration blooming in your chest, or the wooden feeling from being reduced to ‘she’s pretty hot/she doesn’t count’ by two of your colleagues.

Whatever it is, it ignites in your chest as you slam your laptop closed and swipe your wallet off of your table. 

“It’s Friday fucking night,” You mutter to yourself. “And I need a drink.”

“He’s an ass.” Irene says, authority lacing her voice. “Truly. An ass.” 

You’re sitting at a dive bar around the corner from your house, a nearly empty bottle of wine sitting in front of you. It’s getting late, and you’ve been complaining to your best friend for hours. The more alcohol you consume the more you feel fired up, it feels like annoyance is running through your veins. Annoyance and red wine, that is.

“I’m the ass.” You mutter. “I’m done with men. I’m done with feelings. I’m done with being passive and not taking charge of my own life.” You end your sentence with emphasis, lifting your glass to your lips. Irene just laughs, pointing her glass at you. 

“Don’t be like that, you’ll meet the right guy. I did.” She punctuates her words with an angelic smile and you just shake your head at her words. 

“I don’t want to meet the right guy. Seriously,” You whine. “I’m done with feelings. I’m done with caring so much. What’s the point? You get invested and you get burned. Fuck that!” 

Irene just shrugs. “I mean-”

A loud laugh cuts through Irene’s voice- an obnoxious laugh, one that immediately annoys you. 

Your eyes fall straight on him, and to be completely honest- it’s hard not to, because he’s the kind of man the demands attention. He’s standing at the centre of the bar, leaning against the damn thing like he owns the place. 

He’s handsome- and you can tell he knows he’s handsome. You can see it in the way he carries himself, you can sense it in the lines of his shoulders- he is exuding the kind of easy confidence that only truly beautiful people have. 

He’s in conversation with a woman- she’s gorgeous, clad in a black dress that is molded to her curves like hot fudge dripping off a sundae. She’s simpering at him, her eyes wide and hopeful. 

Curiousity piqued, you watch as he laughs again –such an unattractive laugh for such an attractive man- and you’re amazed by how the woman continues to stare at him like he’s God’s gift to man. Complete and utter doe eyes. 

Even though he has most of his attention on her, he’s still glancing around the room, giving other women moments of eye contact, little smirks. He’s keeping his options open, you realize. He’s eyefucking half the room.

“Seokjin,” You hear her voice ring out, she pouts at him. “That’s such an amazing story. You’re so brave.”

He leans in closer to her and nods somberly. “I try to be,” You can hear him say in a serious tone. “I mean I have to be a brave guy, right? To talk to a woman as beautiful and out of my league as yourself?”

Ugh, what a fucking line. You roll your eyes, expecting the woman to see straight through him. Instead, her eyes light up and her cheeks blush pink.

You can’t believe she doesn’t spot how him he switches from spinning lines like a K-drama actor to being completely bored, the second she glances away. He’s a player, and a good one. A very good one. 

He’s charming, handsome, the textbook definition of princely. He works the sweet ‘I want to date you’ card to the right woman… and, you bet, he can flip it and become a complete asshole before that some woman can even blink.

“Pathetic,” You mumble under your breath. 

Almost as if he hears you, he glances up, his eyes meeting yours. 

Looking at him front on, you’re disarmed momentarily by how beautiful he is. Full lips, wavy hair, and piercing eyes… eyes that are staring right into yours, with no subtlety whatsoever. He’s trying to figure you out and when you give him absolutely nothing, his lips curl into a smirk. 

His gaze is focused and appreciative, as if he’s undressing you and he likes what he sees. You roll your eyes and tear your eyes away from him, forcing yourself to look at something else, anything else. 

“That guy won’t stop staring at you,” Irene hisses under her breath. 

You glance up at her with a deadpan expression. 

“Are you sure he isn’t staring at you?”

She sighs impatiently. “Yes I’m sure! Oh my god, he’s so hot. I’m wet just looking at him.”

You laugh, swatting your friend. “Too much information Irene… which guy?”

“The one who looks like a model!”

You glance up surreptitiously to see that same guy, still staring straight at you. The woman he was chatting up earlier is still by his side, batting her eyelashes at him, but he’s not even facing her. 

His eyes are on you.

“Please,” You roll your eyes. “He’s the kind of guy who’s too in love with himself to pay any attention to the girl he’s with. Probably gets off to his own photos.”

Irene sighs dreamily. “And I don’t blame him if he does. I would too. He’s seriously so- Oh my God, I think he’s walking over…”

You glance up in mild panic, seeing him sauntering over to you.

“Hi,” He says, stopping right in front of your table and offering you a smile. “I’m sorry for staring, it’s just… you’re the most beautiful woman here. Did you know that?”

You hear Irene let out a little sigh and you just purse your lips, unimpressed.

“And you’re the most obvious guy here, did you know that?” You retort icily. 

He’s unbothered by your comment, instead, he just lifts an eyebrow.

“You ladies out for some drinks?” He asks, glancing from you to your friend. 

“No, we’re here to raise sheep. What do you think we’re doing?” You snapback, holding up your glass of wine and waving it in his face. 

He just cocks his head to one side, a smile dancing on his lips. 

“You’re funny,” He comments. “I like that in a woman.” He gives you a slow, charming smile and you just stare at him with an uninterested expression.

“Sure you do,” You respond sarcastically. His grin widens.

“Kim Seokjin. My friends call me Jin.” He introduces, holding out his hand, and you ignore him.

“This is Y/N,” You hear Irene scrambling, you shoot her a death stare and she just grins innocently at you. “I should head home,” She announces, grabbing her purse and standing up. “Tae’s waiting for me.” 

Seokjin is still staring at you, he doesn’t even turn his head to look at Irene. 

You shoot her a warning glance and she just grins at you, mouthing, He’s cute! You give her a look that says, I’m going to kill you.

“Irene-” You begin but she just chirps out, “Bye!” And flounces off. 

Great.

“Y/N,” Seokjin says thoughtfully. “Pretty name.”

You put your wine glass down and glare at him. “Please. Stop. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re painfully obvious. I’m not interested.”

Surprise darts over his face.

“I’m not trying to do-”

“Like I said! Cut it,” You interrupt him, you hold his gaze for a long moment before he shakes his head, laughing. 

“Bad day?” He answers simply, you give him a withering stare in response.

“What, you think the only reason for me not falling all over you could be that I’m having a bad day?”

Seokjin just grins. “No, I can just read you like a book. Tell me I’m wrong then. That you’re not having a bad day.”

You let out a little huff. Seokjin just smirks at you. 

“You’re so tense,” He comments lightly, carelessly. “I can see it in your shoulders.” His eyes linger on your body and you let out a scoff.

“I’m tense because you’re here.” You snap at him, and Seokjin leans in closer.

He’s so brash and so confident that you’re momentarily taken aback.

“I can help you get rid of some of that tension, if you like.”

“Not a chance in hell,” You growl, shaking your head at him. Seokjin pauses, surveying you thoughtfully.

“Look, I meant what I said. You’re the hottest woman here. And I’m the hottest guy here.” He finishes his sentence with a nonchalant grin and a wink.

Your jaw drops a little at the sheer audacity of what he’s suggesting, narrowing your eyes. 

“You’re so-” You begin, irritation prickling over your skin, and he just grins, cutting you off smoothly. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re attracted to me, right?” He leans in closer as he speaks and you feel your breath catch in your throat. He smells good, he’s wearing cologne but he also smells like something else, like fresh linen.

This close, you’re practically swimming in his eyes and you can’t help but feel a buzz of heat in your body.

“I…” Your voice stammers out and a confident smirk settles over Seokijn’s face. You stare at him up and down. He’s confident, so damn confident, like you’ve already said yes, and you suppose for a moment that maybe you have. He’s attractive. Really, really attractive.

You grab your wine glass in an attempt to down it all in one gulp. Instead, your hand collides with the glass and sends it flying... straight on Jin’s lap.

He lets out a small yelp and jumps in surprise as the dark burgundy liquid soaks straight through his cream coloured jumper. 

“Oh my God!” Your hands fly to your mouth and you feel your cheeks burn scarlet as you fumble around on your table for a napkin. You twist your body around and your elbow collides with Jin’s drink.

The second drink topples onto Jin and then onto the floor with a loud crash, the glass splintering into crystalline pieces. 

Your jaw drops and you see Jin grimace. 

“I’m sorry, that was an accident, I swear,” You babble and Jin just lifts his eyes to meet yours. 

“I have to say, I’ve had women throw drinks at me before but never like that.” He says drily. 

“It wasn’t-” You begin but Jin just shoots you a look of faint irritation. 

“Next time just say ‘no thanks’ and leave it at that.” He mutters. 

Your jaw drops and you feel a spike of annoyance flare up inside of you, but before you can bite back a retort, one of the bartenders marches over, irritation creasing his face.

“Time to go,” He says bluntly. Both you and Jin’s heads snap to look at the man, whose arms are folded, lips pressed in a firm line.

“I’m sorry, it was an accident-”

“I don’t care,” He interrupts in a short, tight voice. “We’re nearly at a full capacity and you just broke two glasses. Now I’ve gotta vacuum and sweep this entire area. Out.” 

The protest dies from your lips when you see all of the broken glass littering the floor. You nod meekly, turning and slinking out of the bar, Jin following suit. 

“Ugh,” Jin mutters in annoyance as you step outside. He looks down at himself pointedly. “I’m all wet and sticky now. Thanks a lot.”

“Sticky?” You echo. “What the hell were you drinking?”

Jin lifts his chin defiantly. “Peach mojito.” He says in a pert voice and you can’t help the giggle that spills out of your mouth. He narrows his eyes at you.

“A peach mojito?” You repeat, giggling. 

“They’re delicious and high in alcohol content, for your information.”

You laugh again, once again slightly taken aback by how upfront he is. He wears everything on his sleeve, you realize- not his heart, because you’re pretty sure he doesn’t have one. But he’s not hiding anything. He may be an A-grade player, but he owns it, at least. Oddly enough you appreciate it. 

“Whatever you say, Seokjin.”

Jin narrows his eyes at you. “Hey! I’ve been kicked out of a bar and my clothes are ruined. I should be getting laid right now. Instead… I’m here. It’s just great.” He’s speaking with a hint of sarcasm and you watch as he runs a hand through his hair, letting out a sulky sigh.

“Sorry,” You try again. “Really.” 

Seokjin eyes you suspiciously for a moment before he shrugs. “S’alright. I’ll live. I’d just kill for a shower or something God, I feel gross.” He shudders and you feel a twinge of guilt.

“If you want,” You begin with a sigh. “My place is right around the corner. You can shower there and try get some of that out of your clothes.” You eye the humongous red stain on the front of his jumper and he glances at you.

“Your place?” He repeats, and you cut him off before that now familiar smirk makes another appearance.

“Just because I feel bad for you.” You clarify. “There’s no chance in hell. I’m honestly not that attracted to you. You don’t affect me.”

He just smiles at you. “That’s called denial, babe.”

“Nope,” You fire back. “It’s called honesty.”

Jin just laughs and shakes his head. “Okay okay,” He shrugs. “If you say I don’t affect you then I won’t try anything, promise. I’m a man of my word.” He raises his hand solemnly at you, like he’s reciting an oath, and you roll your eyes.

“Please stop talking. Are you coming or not?” 

“Alright,” He sighs. “Lead the way.”

You arrive at your place in five minutes. As you switch the light on and close the front door, Jin steps inside, gazing around gingerly.

You gesture at the door up on your right. “Bathroom’s over there.”

Seokjin nods at you and walks over as you check your phone. 1AM. 

“Hey,” Jin calls out from inside the bathroom, “What’s with your shower?”

You pad down the hallway and into the bathroom. Your eyes widen as you realize he’s standing there shirtless, in just his jeans.

“Uh,” You stammer, averting your eyes and coughing. Jin, unfazed by your awkward reaction to his half naked body, gazes around your bathroom. 

“So fancy,” He comments. “There’s a seat and everything.” 

He nods at the small bench tucked against one wall of the shower and you shrug, still not making eye contact with his torso.

“Yeah, the old owners were big time into new age renovations, and I guess a bench in the shower was one of them,” You clear your throat after you speak and Jin just nods slowly. He’s still looking around your spacious bathroom, an intrigued expression on his face.

“What the hell do you do for a living?” He asks in curiosity, and you flush.

“Lawyer,” You mumble. “You?” 

Seokjin just smirks at you. “Wouldn’t you like to know. Anyway. How do I turn on the tap in this fancy-ass shower?” He eyes the huge chrome tap in the centre of your shower dubiously. 

“Ah,” You start, leaning against the shower door. “Yeah it’s a bit different, you’ve gotta press the tap inwards with pressure and then turn it to the left.” 

Jin nods, frowning at the tap, for a moment before he leans in past you to grasp the tap. He’s close, his face pinched slightly in concentration. You draw in your breath involuntarily as he steps closer, but luckily the sharp intake of your breath is lost in the sound of the water hitting the shower floor. 

His shoulders flex as he adjusts the water pressure, and your eyes fall on the slopes of his shoulders, your stare lingering on his neck. You’ve never been a neck person but God, he has a nice neck.

“Huh.” Jin says lightly, but you barely register what he’s saying. The glass walls of your shower are slowly starting to mist up with steam and you’re still staring at Jin’s back. He has such a broad back, with a trim waist and strong shoulders. His skin is smooth, and you suddenly wonder what his shoulder blades would feel like if you dug your fingernails into them.

Jin turns his head to glance at you, catching your dumbfounded stare.

“What?” He huffs, and you open your mouth to say something, anything... but words evade you. 

You’re suddenly hyperaware of the fact that he’s nearly naked, and your eyes fall from his eyes down to his chest. 

He raises an eyebrow and smirks to himself when he notices your stare. It’s getting hot in the room, and you draw in your breath with a shuddery gasp as he dips his head down to you. 

His lips are mere inches away from yours, but he pauses. His eyes darken as his gaze trickles down from your eyes to your neck, skimming over your breasts. His eyes rake over your entire body, and his stare is pure heat. 

It’s like you can feel him lingering over every inch of you, and you swallow, absorbed in the way his neck tenses with arousal, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. Like earlier, isn’t subtle, and he’s not gazing at you with adoration. Quite the contrary – he’s looking at you with hungry, lust filled eyes. He’s blatant, and you can’t help but glance down, seeing the tent in his pants. You tilt your chin up, staring into his eyes. Willing him to kiss you.

Like he can read your mind, his lips inch closer to yours, and you don’t know whether it’s him or you who closes the distance first. Either way, you meet his lips in a fevered kiss. 

There’s nothing gentle about it, it isn’t tender, his lips slam into yours with an urgency that immediately gratifies you. You gasp into his mouth and feel your body tense, but he’s like liquid, smooth, assured, his hand reaching up to cup the back of your head, his other palm sliding down past your shoulder blades to settle on your lower back. 

The gratification doesn’t last long, because you want more, and you let out a low moan as his tongue licks your bottom lip. You tilt your head back, feeling your heart start to jackhammer in your chest as he kisses you long and deep.

He’s good at this- at kissing, he kisses with just as much confidence as you would expect, his hand cupping the back of your head, his tongue is deep and demanding. Your mind is racing, and just when you think you can’t feel more full of want, red hot, unadulterated want… Seokjin lets out a low, sweet moan into your mouth.

Jin steps away from you and his fingers grasp the metallic zipper of his jeans, and he pulls them off and steps out of them. Your eyes glide over his thighs, thick and strong, at the small V lines that slope inward to his dick. His dick, which is big, thicker than you anticipated, and completely erect. Your breath catches in your throat as he straightens, a smirk on his face.

“Join me?” He asks and he turns, stepping into the shower. Your breath locks in your throat and comes out as a strangled sound as your eyes land straight on his ass, he has a great ass. Scratch that, he has a great everything.

Your body is moving before your mind has fully registered what is going on, your fingers gripping at the bottom of your dress and yanking it over your head, your hands frantically curving around your back to unclip your bra. Heat and desperation is throbbing through you, your eyes locked on Jin, who is standing under the pouring water. 

He turns his head and his eyes meet yours, his eyes linger over the curve of your breasts and on your legs and he bites his lip, and you feel yourself start to unravel with desire. 

Your underwear are off, flung to the floor with the kind of carelessness that would normally make you cringe but to be quite honest you couldn’t care less.

You step into your shower and Jin is staring down at you with a smirk on his lips.

“Y/N,” He says your name and it rolls of his tongue and you feel a quiver of hunger deep in your core.

“Seokjin.” You say his name, you attempt to say it confidently but it comes out as a breathy groan. At the sound of your voice, Seokjin moves closer.

He doesn’t kiss you. Instead, he turns you around in one smooth movement so that your palms are flat against the shower wall. The tiles are cold against your skin, the steam swirling around the air, and you let out a shuddery gasp.

“You’re so annoying,” He leans in and murmurs in your ear, you feel his lips brushing teasingly against your earlobe and a shiver runs through your body.

“You are,” You breathe back, and his fingers latch firmly around your wrist. He has your arms pinned against the wall, and his neck crooked as his body locks yours in place. You feel weak from arousal, at feeling his body, so much larger than yours, curved around you like this. 

Jin lets go of one of your wrists, his hand trails over your arm and then down your spine. Your toes curl and you can’t help but arch your body back into his, the way he’s touching you has you entirely on edge. His fingers work quick patterns on your lower waist, right by the fleshy part of your hip. 

“I thought you said I don’t affect you,” He continues, his voice low.

“You don’t,” You reply, but your legs tremble and your words come out as a moan. Jin just hums, massaging his thumb into your hip. You’re aware of how you’re pushing off of the wall with your hands, it’s unlike you to be this needy, this desperate so fast but you can’t help yourself. 

Jin’s palm skims over your ass before he cups it in his hand, squeezing you.

“I think I do. As much as you don’t want to admit it…” He punctuates his words, massaging your ass in his hands before both of his hands are at your waist, spinning you around. You gasp again as you come face to face with him, he has an easy, confident smile on his face. 

“I think you are affected by me.”

You feel momentarily taken aback, this close he’s so handsome that it hurts, his eyes piercing into yours. And the confidence! He’s oozing with it, and as much as it annoyed you back in the bar, you can’t help but feel turned on by it body now. He skims the pad of his thumb over your pussy, right over your now throbbing slit, and you hiss in a breath. He pulls his hand away.

“And there’s my answer,” He murmurs in satisfaction. You feel a flash of sexual frustration, mingled with irritation. Your core is aching for him, a heavy thud between your legs, and you’re annoyed that he’s right. You are affected by him.

“Yeah, you’re hot. Is that what you wanted to hear, you ass?” You mutter, but the irritation drains out of your body when he presses his body against you. You can feel his erection against your ass and his hands grip your hips, pulling them against him. 

He lets out a small moan and you’re filled with a stirring of confidence from the fact that he seems to be just as turned on as you are.

“I’m so hard right now.” Jin mutters, and your feel a rush of arousal and pride at his words. 

“Good,” You respond, it’s all you can manage to say. Jin pushes you firmly against the shower wall, and once again the cool slick of the tile makes you gasp aloud. You see Jin’s eyes flash as he smirks, one hand pinning your hips down in place. 

He reaches up and runs his fingers through your hair, wrapping some strands in his hand before he tugs. It’s a firm tug and you let out an involuntary moan. He has you immobilized, locked against the wall, and you are completely in his grip. 

“Fuck,” You grit out, staring up at him from under your eyelashes. “Please,” The word comes out before you can stop it. You’re desperate for him, your entire body is buzzing with need.  

The shower is full of steam now, the air thick, and you have to crane your neck back to meet Jin’s gaze. You’re trembling in arousal, the heavy weight of his hand in your hair, and that arousal only heightens when you see the look in Jin’s eyes. The easy confidence is still there, he looks pleased with himself, cocky as ever. And it turns you on so much you can hardly stand it.

“I told you,” Jin says in a low, teasing voice. “I’m good.”

“You haven’t even touched me yet, stop thinking so highly of yourself.” You pant out in retaliation, Jin growls, and you let out a gasp, enjoying the way Jin tightens his grip on your hair. 

He lets go, his hand curls around the base of your neck near your jawline, his fingers gripping your chin. He stares directly into your eyes and you can’t help the small moan that rips from your throat. His smirk grows at the sound.

“You’re so needy,” He observes with a cock of his head. “In such a rush.”

Before you can respond, he slips a hand between your thighs and brushes a finger against your clit. 

You hiss in for breath, his fingertips are damp from the steam in the shower and his hand is still keeping your face forward, locked on his. His touch lasts only a moment on your soaking wet, needy slit, and you feel a spike of desperation when he pulls away. 

You’re faintly aware of how your breath is becoming erratic, and that the more out of control you get, the more Jin’s smirk grows. The thought occurs to you that Jin is right… he is good. You don’t know how but he seems to read your body and touch you in spots that have you practically mewling out his name.

“Please Jin,” You beg. Your pride is starting to give way to your neediness for his touch and frankly, you couldn’t care less.

His eyes flash and his fingers dart against your pussy again, this you can’t help but tip your head back against the tile and let out a cry. Jin lets out a little groan and you feel his fingers push inside of you. He slips his long slender finger inside of you, working up into your wet walls and arching.

Fuck, when he crooks his finger your entire lower back stiffens and your eyes widen. You let out a choked breath, Jin’s eyes are on you the whole time, his dark eyes hypnotic and amused as he slides another finger in. 

The second one he slips in slowly, teasingly, before the full length of his fingers are inside of you.

He makes slow, agonizing thrusts inside of you and you’re filled to the brim with lust. It feels like you’re spinning, the air in the shower is thick with steam and the water is still running behind you, but all you can concentrate on is Jin fucking you out with his fingers.

“Oh my God,” You whimper and Jin’s eyes flash in satisfaction, as he slowly pulls his fingers out of you and brings them to his full lips. You watch as he sucks both fingers clean, his eyes locked on you, catching the way your mouth falls open. Fuck, he’s dirty, but he’s good, so damn good. 

“You taste pretty good.” Jin says in an offhand way and with a shrug of his broad shoulders, and you’re filled with a flash of annoyance. 

“Asshole,” You mutter and the irritation you feel fuels your arousal, your lips finding his in a frenzied kiss.

Jin’s lips are full and his tongue darts into your mouth with a dominance that you’re not used to. His kisses are rushed and intense in a way that has your whole body keening into him. 

He’s so good at this. It’s the one thought that slips through your hazy state at arousal. Perhaps too good at this. Jin doesn’t just kiss- his hands are roaming over your body, his fingers massaging at a sensitive spot on your inner thigh and making you moan. 

You’re barely aware of what you’re doing in response to his touches. While everything he is doing is full of intent and purpose, your hands are fluttering in his hair, roaming down his back, cupping his ass in your hands. 

You’re a mess, and at one point you stagger under the streaming water of the showerhead. The water pours over you and makes you gasp, before he pulls you back out of the stream, your wet skin gliding against his.

“Fuck,” You mumble in between his kisses. “You have a great ass.”

He just smirks. “I know.” 

He reaches down and grabs your ass, smacking one of your cheeks playfully. “You have a great ass too.” He murmurs sweetly, and before you can say anything he’s captured your lips in another hungry kiss. 

You respond eagerly, and he’s pulling you by your waist, you’re following. He sits down on the ledge in your shower with his legs apart and pulls you down on top of him. Immediately you oblige, swinging your legs into a straddling position. 

His cock is hard, you glance down at it and swallow, he’s bigger than what you’re used to. He has a nice cock too, straight, long, and thick. You wonder if it will be able to even fit inside of you. Judging by the smirk on Jin’s face, he can read the brief uncertainty that crosses over your face from taking in his size.

You take his length in your hands, wrapping your fingers around his shaft and enjoying the way his Adams apple bobs in his throat from your touch. Carefully, you pump your hand up and down his cock, your eyes flickering up to catch the way his tongue darts out over his lips. 

His lips are unfairly pillowy, you think to yourself, so full, like a pornstar’s lips. And with that thought, you’re suddenly struck with inspiration. 

You push yourself off of him, bending down so that you’re on your knees. Jin’s eyes widen a little before he smiles, stretching his arms out and interlacing his palms behind his head.

The shower floor is hard and painful on your knees, but it just turns you on more. This whole encounter is turning you on like crazy, you on your knees in your shower with a guy you met at a bar. A guy unlike anyone you would normally ever go for. 

With that thought in mind, you run your palms along his thighs and glance up at him. Seokjin’s lips are parted slightly and he cranes his neck forward, you can see the arousal written all over his face as his gaze trails over your waist, taking in the way your feet are tucked under your ass. 

You continue working his cock with your hand and slowly bend forward, keeping your eyes on him. 

“Tease,” Jin groans out. You can see it on his face- utter anticipation, and seeing the oh-so cocky Jin waiting impatiently for you to put your lips around his cock floods you with heat.

You run your tongue slowly down his shaft, toying with him before you dart the your tongue over his tip. His legs tense under your palms and he lets out a barely decipherable grunt of approval. You smile to yourself before you swirl your tongue over his tip again. Jin lets out an even louder groan.

“Stop teasing,” He mutters, but you ignore him, enjoying the loss of control on his face as he clenches his jaw. 

Finally, you take his cock into your mouth. You take a moment to adjust, to wetten his dick with your mouth, before you slowly take him in deeper. Jin moans and you see his fingers clench at the bench. 

His hands hover forward and entangle in your hair. You take him in until his cock hits the back of your throat. Jin is moaning louder, your eyes spring with tears but you’re so turned on by the noises. He’s vocal, surprisingly vocal- he’s letting out dark growls and moans, as you start fucking him with your mouth.

“God I never would’ve thought that you’d be this good with your mouth,” Jin sighs out and his words have your chest swelling with an odd sense of pride.

“You look so hot, your pretty mouth around my cock… fuck, how do you, oh Jesus, how do you do that?” His voice is strained as you take him even deeper, ignoring the will to gag. You lift your eyes to see his face, contorted in pleasure.

You hum against his dick, his full length in your mouth and your throat. His eyes open and he glances down at you and you give a tiny nod. A smile dissolves over Jin’s face before lifts his hips up with his palms against the bench, and begins to carefully thrust into you. 

“God, you’re deepthroating me like a fucking slut, it’s so fucking hot!” Jin groans as he bucks his hips, your eyes fill with tears. 

You take each thrust, his moans filling the air, before he pulls out of your mouth, hoisting you up. Before you can say anything he’s pulling you on top of him, his fingers grabbing at your thighs and pulling them around his waist so that you’re straddling him again.

“I want to fuck your brains out, princess,” He tells you in a husky voice. “Have you got a…?” He raises and eyebrow and you nod. 

“One sec,” You stammer out and you hop off him, the bottoms of your feet leaving wet footprints on your bathroom floor as you yank open one of your drawers and rip open a condom. 

Jin grins as you return, rolling the condom onto his length. 

“C’mere,” He murmurs when you’re done, pulling you firmly on top of him. His fingers are finding their way between your legs, he’s not slow and teasing like before but desperate. His fingers work against your clit and you let out a loud whimper. He looks so good- his damp hair is pushed off his forehead, lips are full and red from him biting them while you were fucking him with your mouth.

“You’re already so wet for me aren’t you?” He mutters. “God, you’re so hot… my lucky day.” He smirks at you and you feel his cock twitch between your legs. He pulls his fingers out of you and gazes at you, you answer his unspoken question as you wrap your fingers around his cock.

You lift your hips and ease yourself onto him. You’re careful, knowing that he’s thicker and bigger than what you’re used to, but you’re so wet and so aching for him that you sink down around him easily. 

The feeling of him stretching you out is immense and overwhelming, your eyes roll back and you let out a choked cry. 

“Fuuuuuuck. Your pussy feels even better than your mouth,” Jin half laughs, his fingers gripping around your hips. 

As you adjust, you feel satisfaction and relief wash over you. You have been craving this from the moment he slammed you against the shower wall. You begin rocking against him, his fingers curve around from your hip to your ass.

He cups your ass and squeezes you. He’s leaned back against the wall of the shower, and you tip your head back. There’s something about Seokjin, you’ve realized- perhaps the way his eyes rake over yours hungrily while you ride him. Or maybe it’s the cocky smirk that seems to always be on his lips. Whatever it is, it drives you God damn crazy. 

“You sure can take my dick well,” He murmurs into your mouth right before he kisses you, another wet hungry kiss. He keeps his hands on your ass, guiding your motions as you rock into him deeper, harder. 

You’re reaching your climax, it feels like you’ve been on edge ever since the water started running in the shower, and seeing Jin like this- swallowing heavily, his jaw clenching, it’s almost enough to take you to the edge. It’s the shower too, you think, the thick steam and the sound of the water running behind you as you sit on his cock.

“I’m going to cum soon,” You hiss and Jin reaches up with one hand and grips your hair again. 

“You have nice hair,” He comments, completely ignoring you. His voice is strained with lust. “Next time I’m going to fuck you from behind, like this.” His other hand flutters up and he tugs firmly on your hair with both hands, and the burn on your scalp has you moaning out. 

“Next time?” You pant out and Jin nods, his jaw clenching. 

“Yes. I’m going to have you on your pretty stomach with your ass in the air. And then I’m going to cum all over your back.” He says his words with his usual confidence and it pushes you over the edge. 

“Fuck!” You collapse forward slightly and your eyes squeeze shut as you feel your orgasm sweep over you in shuddery, desperate waves. 

Seokjin doesn’t stop- he just lets go of your hair and rests his palms flat on the bench beside him so he can tilt his hips up. He keeps fucking into you. 

Your palms fall forward on his chest to support yourself, and your orgasm has already started to ebb away, it was intense and quick. But the feeling of him still fucking into you, harder, has your walls clenching again. 

Seokjin thrusts up into you with rapid, sloppy, desperate movements, and you let out a cry as your second orgasm chases the first. 

The second is more languid, a slow, intense one that seems to grip around you like a vice. The tension drains out of your body and you moan out his name incoherently, it feels like your entire core is about to melt in bliss. 

Jin lets go and wraps his palms around your lower back to support you, your body is weak, your fingernails digging into his chest.

“Fuck,” He mutters at the feeling of your walls tightening around him, and he lets out a guttural grunt, pressing his face against your chest as he moans out against your skin. 

His orgasm is akin to your first, desperate and frenzied, his body shakes under yours. Jin moans out your name and the sound of hearing him cum like that, so vocally, has you shivering in pleasure.

You stay there for a moment, his forehead pressed against your chest before he moves, leaning his head back against the shower wall. 

The only sound is the water still hitting the shower floor. 

Your whole body is numb, euphoric.

“That was…” Jin’s voice trails off and his eyes meet yours, and you know what he’s thinking. Insane. 

Carefully, you ease yourself off of his dick and wince. You’re going to be sore tomorrow, you think. 

Seokjin is still leaned back against the wall watching you, a lazy, slow smile spreading over his face. 

You sway a little as you stand up, you hover for a moment as the throb in your body slowly starts to fade. 

Finally, you step into the stream of water, letting it wash away the sweat and his cum. You stand there for a moment before you grab your shampoo from where it sits on the floor, squeezing a small amount into your palm and massaging it into your scalp.

After a beat Jin stands up and his thighs tremble, he leans against the wall for support.  He takes the condom off of his length and opens the shower door, tossing it into the bin before stepping back under the water. 

“Pass the shampoo,” He says, holding out his hand and you turn, nodding mutely and passing him the bottle. You quickly rinse the shampoo from your hair, suddenly feeling uncertain. Jin doesn’t notice, he’s too busy showering beside you and his eyes are still closed. 

You figure he’s in post-orgasm bliss like you are. Gingerly, you step out of the shower, grabbing a fresh towel and wrapping it around you.

“Thank you,” Jin says suddenly, you glance at him. He’s smirking at you, and you admit to yourself that he looks good. The curve of his back, his tight ass, his wet hair. 

“You too,” You respond honestly. “It’s late, you can stay here tonight if you want, there’s a blanket on the couch.” You say lightly.

“Cool, thanks.” He responds and you nod, turning and letting yourself out of the bathroom.

Once you’re out of the steam filled room, the cool fresh air hitting you, you lean against the wall. 

You’re surprised at the feeling in your chest. You had a great, no, a spectacular fuck, and you feel no lingering attachment after. 

You feel nothing but euphoria from your orgasm. 

No feelings, no doubts, just a warm, satisfied ache throughout your body.

You wake up feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks. 

You let out a yawn, your body curling in a lazy stretch. You smile when you realize you can feel the afterglow from your two consecutive orgasms still simmering in the pit of your stomach, and you allow yourself a moment to bask in that feeling. 

Finally, you force yourself out of bed. It isn’t that it hits you exactly how tired your body is – your thighs are sore, your core is aching, your head a little woozy. Still, your mind flashes back to how good it felt to have Seokjin’s hips slamming into you, and a flutter stirs in your belly.

Wincing a little, you get up and head to the bathroom, wriggling into an old tee.

Your cat Kale meows a hello at you as you shuffle down your hallway, and you pause to bend down and give him a cuddle.

“I got laid last night,” You tell your cat in a serious voice. He just stares up at you and then meows loudly, like he’s cheering you on. You laugh. 

Your house is silent, that nice calm that only the weekend can bring. You haven’t felt this relaxed in weeks. In fact, most weekends you can’t even sleep in properly, feeling too highly strung to sleep past 8am. But this morning… your eyes flicker to the clock hanging in your hallway and a tiny, giddy smile settles on your lips. It’s 11AM. 

You push open your bathroom door, still smiling. 

“Oh my GOD!” 

The exclamation spills out of your mouth when you spot Seokjin standing at your sink. He’s shirtless, dressed in just his tight black Calvin Klein briefs, rummaging through your drawer with a determined look on his face.

“You’re still here?” You ask in disbelief. “Are you going through my skincare? What the hell?” 

Seokjin glances up when he hears the commotion, not at all fazed.

“Yeah, do you have any facial cleanser? A better brand than this, preferably.” He gazes down in distaste at your drugstore brand cleanser. You’re momentarily shocked before you walk towards him, snatching the cleanser out of his hand.

“Not for you I don’t!” You snap, and Seokjin shrugs, unbothered. 

“Whatever. I’ll just cleanse at home then.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Speaking of home,” You begin, putting your cleanser back in its place. “When are you going to you know, go home? It’s nearly midday!”

Jin stares at you, his face serious. “What are you talking about?” he says. “This is my home now.”

Your jaw drops and Jin bursts out into a loud laugh- that same windshield wiper laugh that you first heard in the bar.  

“You should’ve seen your face,” He sighs, pleased with himself before he returns his attention back to your skincare drawer, rifling through it.

“Stop! Going through my skincare,” You mutter, closing the drawer shut. “And you’re not funny, not even in the slightest.”

“Please,” Jin sniffs. “I’m hilarious.”

You give him a withering stare. “Quite the contrary,” You mutter. “You’re disgusting.” You eye him up and down critically, irritated that even after waking up he looks this good. He’s practically naked in your bathroom, his hair a ruffled mess from his sleep, a pillow crease marring one cheek, but he still manages to look good. It’s unfair.

Jin just shoots you an angelic smile. “You didn’t seem to find me quite so disgusting when I was fucking you right there last night.” He nods over at your shower and smirks triumphantly at the pink flush that spreads across your cheeks.

“Yeah well you didn’t seem like such a know it all hotshot when I had your dick in my mouth.”

Jin just smirks, you seethe. 

“Yeah you were pretty good with that actually. It’s nice to meet a woman who can handle all of this.” He nods down at his package.

“Did you just refer to your dick as ‘all of this’?” You ask scathingly, scrunching your nose in distaste. Jin just shrugs nonchalantly and you roll your eyes. 

Kale wanders into the bathroom, winding around Seokjin’s legs, meowing loudly. 

“Kale likes you,” You comment in surprise. Seokjin glances up, smirking. “What can I say, I attract all kinds of puss-”

“Do not even think about finishing that sentence.” You interrupt, shooting Jin a withering stare. Kale meows again, rubbing his head against Jin’s calf affectionately.

“Why am I not surprised that you’re a cat person,” Jin mutters. “Dogs are much superior to cats. My dog Adam can-”

“Wait,” You cut him off. “You named your dog Adam?”

Jin just folds his arms stubbornly. “Yes. He’s British.” 

You stare at him in disbelief before you laugh. “That’s such a weird name for a dog.”

Jin’s jaw drops, an offended look flashing across his face.

“How can you make fun of my dog’s name when you named your cat after the worst vegetable ever?”

You open your mouth to retort when you suddenly realize how close you’re standing to him. The tension is crackling off your body in waves, and before you can help yourself, your eyes fall on his lips. 

A long, heavy beat hangs between the two of you, and you realize that your entire body is humming in anticipation. Kale is still sitting by Jin’s legs. The bizarreness of the situation has you suddenly suppressing a giggle.

“… So do you wanna go for round two-”

“NO!” You yell stubbornly, whirling around. “Get out, I need to use the bathroom, and for God’s sake put on some clothes!” 

You shove him out of the bathroom and turn to face your reflection, letting out a sigh. 

The last thing you expected was for him to actually stick around.

After you’re finished in the bathroom, you walk outside only to see a fully dressed Jin waiting for you.

“Look,” Jin says hastily, stepping towards you. “I was thinking last night. We were good.” He says the words with a completely serious expression. “Really good. Like, I’m probably gonna get off to the thought of you over the next few days good.” 

You wrinkle your nose at him. “Ew.”

“Seriously,” Jin continues. “I have needs. I get horny. And to be completely honest with you, not a lot of girls know how to handle me and my cock.”

You glare at him. “You are so full of yourself.”

Jin shrugs. “It’s true. I mean, that was the best blowjob of my life,” He grins at you. “And honestly? I wanted you from the second I saw you last night. You looked damn good,” His voice lowers into a murmur, his eyes intent on yours. You feel your resolve tremble. “And you are damn good.” 

A little tingle of pride eases its way up your spine from his words, causing your ego to flare. You attempt to suppress it, giving Seokjin a hard look.  

“Your point is?” 

“I was thinking… we should make this a thing. We can sleep with each other if we’re in need of a good fuck. We don’t have to call each other, we don’t even have to pretend that we care about each other… we’ll just you know. Help each other out when we need it.” He grins. You just raise an eyebrow at him. 

“What, friends with benefits?”

Jin just gives you a dry look. “That requires us to be friends, and…”

“No chance I’d ever be friends with someone like you.” You finish bluntly. Jin nods. “And vice versa.”

You stare at him suspiciously, biting your lip. “You’re serious,” You say slowly. “We call each other up when we need sex. Just sex… and…” 

“No obligations. It doesn’t even have to be regular if you don’t want it to be. Fuck buddies. Minus the buddies. I mean… it was good. Right?” He leans in a little closer and you breathe in sharply. Your mind flashes back to him, how it felt to have his hands and his mouth on your lips, on your skin. Your eyes fall on his full lips, the sincerity in his eyes… and you can’t help but wonder what that handsome face would look like between your thighs. 

“Yep,” You admit, swallowing. Jin’s face stretches out into a smile, his gaze unwavering.

“Okay,” You mutter, grabbing his wrist. “C’mere.” You drag him to your kitchen, ignoring Jin’s yelps of protest. You stop in front of your kitchen bench, grabbing the notepad and pen you keep there. Jin’s rubbing his wrist and muttering to himself but you ignore him, scribbling on the yellow lined paper.

“Alright.” You say, shoving the notepad at him and propping your hands on your hips. “Read that.”

Jin raises an eyebrow. “What’s this?” He glances down at the paper. “Hereby is the contract for Kim Seokjin and Y/N.” He recites, pausing. 

“That’s your last name?” His nose wrinkles. “It’s weird.”

Your jaw drops. “Weird – it’s a name!”

Jin shrugs. “It’s weird.” 

You force yourself to calm down and you sigh. “That is not the point. Keep reading it.”

Jin shrugs and continues. “…Jin and Y/N will have a purely physically relationship. They will not get involved with one another beyond the act of sex. They have no obligations to one another and can withdraw from the agreement at any given time.” He glances up and looks at you with disbelief. “Did you make a fuck buddy contract? Are you serious?”

You nod. “Yep. Keep reading.”

He sighs and continues.

“They can sleep with other people and do what they want. Protection is to be used at all times. No cuddling, no pet names, no dates, just sex. Y/N did you really write this whole thing in third person-” 

“Yes! That is not the point!”

“God, you are such a lawyer. Can I add a bit of my own?” 

You shrug, and he grabs the pen, scribbling something on the bottom of the pad.

“Okay…” You nibble your lip as you read what he’s written. “God you have messy handwriting… ‘no texting, no calling’.” You look up at him questioningly.

“I hate all that stuff,” He explains with a shrug. “How’s your day been? All that shit. No thank you. No texts, no calls. Unless they’re of the booty call variety.”

You think it over and nod. 

“No texting or calling sounds good to me. In fact, let’s just minimize the contact as much as possible. If we want to have sex, we should send each other like one word, and it’s either a thumbs up or thumbs down response. That’s it.”

“What, like an emoji as a code for a booty call?”

You shrug. “Yeah, whatever.”

Jin nods slowly, his eyebrows creased in thought before he grabs at the paper again, writing something. You glance over his shoulder.

“No texting, no calling. Except for texting the eggplant emoji, which will mean, do you want to bang- Oh my god!” You glare at Jin. “You’re. So. Gross.”

“The eggplant makes sense, I mean…” Jin glances down at his crotch and you make an impatient noise and grab the notepad.

“Okay, okay, whatever. Let’s move on. Eggplant emoji it is. Does this sound good to you?” You wave the paper in the air and he nods. 

“Well I mean it all sounds good to me.” Jin says confidently, snatching the paper and signing it. 

He passes it back to you.

“Your move.” 

You’re a little taken aback, a small part of you you hadn’t really expected him to go ahead and sign it. 

You stare at him for a beat, wondering if you can really go through with this. Have an arrangement like this with a guy like him. 

But then again, what else have you got to lose? It’s so easy- the promise of sending one emoji and getting laid, easy as that. You still have freedom, and he has his. No feelings, no risk of getting burned by a guy. No secondguessing all his words and actions, no getting hurt by aforementioned words and actions.

Just lots of nights like yesterday’s- great sex, a deep sleep, and absolutely no emotions.

You glance at Jin uncertainly. 

It’s not like you could ever fall for him. You don’t even like him. 

And so, you put pen to paper, signing your name with a flourish. You whirl around and whack the makeshift contract on your fridge, pinning it in place with a magnet. 

Jin’s watching you, a mildly amused expression on his face.

“Done.” You say, turning and outstretching your hand confidently.

Jin gives you that familiar, easy smirk, before he grips your hand.

“Done.”

A/N: pls anticipate more Kale in future chapters

[jikooksgirl]

happy birthday to the love of my life🐣💘

to my forever true love, mi angelito de amor, my moon, sun, stars and constellations: 

im really the worst w words specially bc im just so in love w you i feel like my heart is gonna burst and i really cant organize my feelings, i’ve been so excited for his bday but now i can’t even think properly and words are just!!!! not enough they dont even come close not even a bit to what i want to express bc what i feel for you is beyond imagination and beyond any explanation this love is truly out of this world i never imagined i could feel something this strong but as always you’re surprising me making me feel every single feeling existing and not existing at once w just a little giggle you can make my world go crazy!!!! i fall in love w you over and over again like the first time every single second of my life. 

it’s already the 2nd bday i spend by your side and i couldn’t be happier, i still can’t believe how you completely changed my life and changed myself, i totally could separate my life in two periods: when i wasn’t in love w you and when i fell in love w park jimin. loving you has become the most natural thing in the world i literally look forward to every single day bc i get to love you and support you another day, you’re my home you’re the place i always come back to and where i feel safe, loved, appreciated, where i feel like nothing’s wrong, where my happiness is. i’ve been going through a lot, i’ve been feeling lonely and scared most of the time and by living so far away from my family im not even sure of what’s home anymore but just by thinking about your smile i just feel??? so so safe?? so welcomed?? it’s like every time i think about you smiling i feel like you’re hugging me and telling me everything is gonna be ok and i realized that’s truly home. it doesn’t have to be physical, it’s just the place where i feel the most safe and loved in the entire world, and that place is by your side. i cant even remember what was not loving you what was not being completely and absolutely in love w you and i dont want to bc you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, my most beautiful blessing and treasure and i just cant believe how was i even able to breathe without having you by my side.

i love everything about you, there’s really nothing about you i don’t love w every inch of my being, from your small angel dimple that is there bc the moon came and kissed you so many times and loved you so much that she decided to leave a cute crater on your cheek to remind you you’re her moonchild, to how big and beautiful your heart of gold is!!! you’re the one that teaches me 3849325235829 king of feelings i didn’t even know they existed, the one that made me believe in love again the one that broke my heart’s shell and showed me what true, pure and wholesome love feels like. you’re the one that makes me a better person, and inspires me to be the best version of myself. all i want to do is to learn to love you better, to deserve all the happiness you give me every single day of my life and every single action of yours is such an inspiration for me my love, you softened my heart you made me a kinder, more loving, more gentle person w every single thing you did you truly changed me and saved me and i’ll be forever thankful for that. 

i’m just incredibly and unbelievably proud of who you are, of how much you’ve grown and of who you aspire to be. you’re always working so hard, so incredibly hard i can’t help but worry about you but i know how passionate and how dedicated you are, and that’s one of the things i admire the most and i aspire to be like that one day too. you’re just so so talented, every single time you amaze me more and more. your voice is really the most beautiful voice ive ever heard and im not exaggerating, i can see how hard you’ve worked bc you’re always aiming perfection and even tho you think you’re still lacking when it comes to vocals, god jimin every time i hear your voice…wow. wow wow wow wo wow wo wowwwwww it has such an effect such a power over me, i feel such a beautiful and calming peace filling my body and i feel like im floating and flying in the sky, your voice is truly gifted by angels and you change so many lives just by singing my love and you don’t even realize it. 

you’re the human being w the biggest heart of gold i’ve ever seen, always caring so much about your loved ones, always giving all of your support, your love, your kindness, your gentleness, it just amazes me how much you’re always willing to give bc of love, and i hope one day i can be like that. but you’ve showed me that ppl gets happier if someone tells them they love them, if someone compliments them, that it’s not bad to expose your feelings for the ppl you love, that kindness is key, and you just make me want to do better in every single aspect of my life. honestly, if the person you love inspiring you to be the best version of yourself isn’t what true and pure love is, idk what it is. you’ve showed me that if i work really hard to achieve my dreams, if i truly want them and dedicate myself to achieve them, i can make them come true w my effort. you really are the most beautiful thing in this world my baby angel, you make so many ppl feel loved, feel safe, feel cared about, you’re always giving so much and sometimes i feel like i dont deserve all of this love you give me, but im so thankful for it. 

i just want you to be always surrounded by love and happiness, to be always healthy and to never doubt about the light in your heart, about how talented you are and about how precious, how loved, how incredibly important you are in this world. you’re irreplaceable jimin, you’re truly one in a million and i cant believe im this lucky to be able to love you and to see you growing up more. thank you for saving me, thank you for being my light when everything is dark, thank you for being my strength when i think i cant anymore, thank you for being the one, the one my heart wants to love forever and the one that shows me that the world isn’t that bad, that there’s still a reason to keep going, i dont know what would have been of me if i hadn’t ever found you. i never thought i could love someone i dont know irl this much, to the point of saying you’re the love of my life. i didn’t even know i was able to love this strongly, this wholesomely, this purely and intensely. it seems ridiculous right? but this is truly how i feel.

i feel like since i saw that gif of you smiling, my heart saw you and said “there he is, the one im gonna love for the rest of my life. my true forever love” and she was so revealed, bc she finally found you, she finally was at home. she wants to thank you for your smiles, bc oh your smile…SHE GETS ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every time you smile that could outshine the brightest stars, every time your soft cheeks puff up and blush and your chocolate eyes crinkle up and disappear like crescent moons, when you’re laughing so hard your laugh squeaks and its the most beautiful sound in the entire world, how you hide your face w your baby hands when you’re shy, god everything about you mi amor, everything makes my heart go completely insane!!!! she started beating differently since i met you, there’s constant galaxies and constellations exploding inside her and flowers blooming in her bc of being in love w you. i swear i could look into your eyes until the sun comes up listen to your voice until all the music existing in the world played on a non-stop loop and feel the touch of your skin until all the oceans in the world ran dry and i would still not get enough of you!!!! there’s never too much when it comes to you!!!

i really could write a whole novel about how much i love you gdsogngksnkjndsh IM JUST SO SO SO SO SO SO SO IN LOVE W YOU AND I CANT STOP CRYING BC MY HEART IS ABOUT TO BURST. i just hope you’ll have the best birthday of your life, 100000 times better than the last one but not better than the next one!!! i just hope you have the happiest bday every single year and every time it gets better and better. i hope you receive lots of love, kind words, love letters, compliments, kisses, gifts, hugs nd you smile so hard and be so happy that your stomach hurts and you feel like your heart is gonna explode bc all of the love!!!! i just want you!!!! to be the happiest birthday boy in the world to not worry about anything else than your happiness today and to realize once again how loved you are and how incredibly important you are for so many ppl around you. i hope the members will spoil you a lot and will make you have such an amazing and fun time, i can trust them on that bc i know you mean so much to them. you mean the entire world to me mi angelito de amor, you mean everything and more i have never felt  a love like this and i NEVER want it to go away!!!! i want to keep learning to love you better i wanna feel this forever, i wanna stay by your side forever. i’d do anything for you i’d do anything to see your lovely soft smile and hear your cute giggles today i’d grab every single star in the sky i’d do anything to make you feel safe, special and loved!!!! i just wish that on the days you can’t love yourself and you feel like you aren’t enough and you hate yourself, my love would be enough for the both of us i really wish everything you knew was happiness and love!!! i hope everything you dream of, everything you wish of, will become real. i dream of seeing you succeed in every single one of your passions, and i can’t wait to keep supporting you on your way there. 

i’m just so glad you’re getting more confident these past days, and i hope you will be even more and more w the time, i hope you realize you can do everything, bc w a heart and talent like yours my prince, i firmly believe you’re able to do anything. you’re so brave baby, so brave and capable of everything, you’ve worked so so so hard and you’ve done so much to be the person you’re today. the future has so many more amazing things prepared for you, i believe that you will become so much bigger, so so big and appreciated and you will finally be content w your achievements. i will never stop telling you how proud i am of you, of your achievements, of who you are, of everything you do. i’ll keep supporting you, i’ll keep rooting for you, and we’ll keep going together side by side until we achieve everything we want. bc i also firmly believe, that if i have you in my life, i can do anything. 

thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so so much for being in my life, thank you thank you thank you i could thank you an infinite amount of times but it would never be enough!!!!!! i just have so many things to tell you, so many feelings im trying to express but words aren’t enough i just wished i could give you the biggest hug and fill your cheeks and whole face w all the kisses in the world i just LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH MY LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN!!!!! thank you so so so so much for saving me, for encouraging me to keep going and to be strong, thank you for keep saving me every single time thank you for being so endearing, so luminous, so enchanting, so radiant and lighting up my world more than any star in the sky!!! you’re truly like a dream, the most beautiful dream i’ve ever had and i never want to wake up. loving you is truly the best thing i’ve chosen to do, i’m just the luckiest person ever, the odds were for once in my favor bc i could find you. i just want to spend the rest of my life telling you how beautiful, precious and important you are!! i just want to hang stars and moons each night like love letters above your bed to remind you of how much i love you!!! because i love you more than words could ever explain, and im always going to be here loving every piece of you w everything. 

thank you for making me fall in love w you all over again every single day, thank you for making my world so much beautiful, thank you for making me the happiest person in the world, i sincerely thank the sky for your life, you truly changed mine for the better and now i can say im genuinely happy after all this time bc of you. felices 22 años mi amor, te amo más que a nada en este mundo!!!!!!!!!!!

forever yours, 

- lina🌹

[pywriting]

Tide of Fate IX

The evening was thick with warning, and it was no more apparent than in the corner of the wood where the Hawk held court. The wagons were arrayed between the trees in manner most strange, a small village of wood and dyed cloth. In the heart of the space, was the trio of wagons of the Lady of the Hawk; they were more resplendent, more intense, and more grand than any other. A great bonfire roared there, unattended. Eerily so. There was a notable lack of people in the carts; in fact, it was silent, save a discordant humming that turned sweet by turns.

Nesrin Thori’thal was slow walking through these foreign woods, never once betraying his discomfort to the surrounding emptiness. The eerie feeling was thick to him, causing him to feel more as if he were wading through a deep pond than anything. The sweet song was only adding to this rather discomforting scene he'd found himself in. Yet where else had he to go? There was no solution for the trouble he faced, and so he would turn to these skeptical, alternative moves. Witchcraft of more shady business... Someone who could produce the results that he wanted... that he needed.

He stopped as he came to this central place. Looking over the great bonfire, it reflected off the fine gold hues that he'd traveled in. His stature was thin, yet intimidating, those intense eyes peeking over a cloth that held the bottom half of his face more a mystery.

He waited... he did not call, for that is what the man who directed him here said to do. Whomever this woman was that could work miracles, he was certain she would be arriving soon enough... Just given the time.... Time that he could wait still.

Abruptly, a figure came forth through the bright hues of the bonfire, as if it spit her out before him itself, the flames licking at her heels. The sweet song seemed to die away and quiet in anticipation for the honeyed voice that would soon follow her appearance.

“Welcome, traveller.” The soothing tones lilted on, “Do you come for a meal and rest from your vigors?”

Nesrin had no time for this play, cutting straight to the point with an even tone that set forth his business clearly, “You are the woman by the name of Dasia, are you not?”

There was a cant to the woman’s head, a slight tinkle of jewels knocking against others as she moved to emphasize the movement itself before she asked, “I am the woman you seek, if you seek…help.” She stepped forward, her form fully coming to focus.

She was a beautiful woman of a full figure, soft as a mother, yet her hips swayed like a maiden in her first bloom. The man, though, was not distracted as she continued on, “And what can I assist you with…my Lord?”

He adjusted his stance, facing her completely to let his attention set only on the woman now before him. He studied her, like a specimen in glass, judging and measuring to set forth any signs to what her game truly was, to discern any more knowledge before he fell too deep into a belief of a fraud.

“I hear you are a woman that can get me the results I need. A woman that can craft some change that will get me to my desired ends.” He spoke in a cool, even tone.

Quick as ever, she replied, “Anything can happen, if you know the ways and have the means. What do you want, My Lord? Tell me your heart’s desire.”

“My wife-to-be has a knack for disappearing, of losing focus on what matters the most. For such, I want to not only find her, but be assured that I will not lose her once again.” He stated, “To anyone.”

The words were hiding the venom in his veins, the frustration of a prize that kept slipping away that lead him to such extremes as to believe in some woman in the woods to give him what he wanted.

Dasia’s smile held the promises that he had known to expect. “Oh, a matter of the heart-- I do so love those.” Her eyes, a deep amethyst, seemed to glint like metal as she matched his harsh stare for one of her own.

“A binding, a finding…easy, easy, but harder to make her want it. Does she love but wander far, or should I find means to make her see only you?” The woman swayed herself forward, like the rock of sea waves coming around rocky shores, her hands opened and welcoming him to her ideas. The man did not move from his spot.

Nesrin found no need for lies, and he knew Taliorinth honestly. She did not love him…not completely. No matter what he would say or do, there was always a distance between them, where all he gave was complete devotion to her.

“Clarity…of who it is that is most devoted to her would be an added bonus,” he said simply.

“Delightful.” She laughed softly, a sweet sound that wrapped about the pair. “I can do this for you, easily. The heart is so easily won, and lost, and won forever. I will need a price fulfilled…but for a token of my kindness and a promise for better things to come, I can offer you something to prove my worth.”

Nesrin was a man of proof, of action. The offer was a pleasant idea, something to prove that this whispered lead would come to something worthwhile in the end. He asked, “And what is that?”

Dasia’s lashes lowered, and she spoke on. “A root for a rambling rose, but what else.” She hummed, “Rosehip root, soaked in moonlight, dried in autumn wind, sweetened with honey and liqueur…and sealed in a peach.”

Nesrin refrained from allowing himself a snort at her poetic words and how they matched to those sisters so sweetly. “So you can do research. You’ve eyes and ears. What is that to prove of your worth to me? That you know how to listen well?”

Dasia bowed her head demurely. “That I know what it is you want and can offer it.” From her skirts, she brought forth a peach, hard yet but on the cusp of ripeness.

The man focused on such, especially as it was tossed towards him with an easy throw.

She continued, “Give this to your girl, and find me again if you like what you see. You are a business man, my Lord, and I will not ask for payment, for what I cannot provide. I warn you though-- this peach may be used once, and upon the morning after you shall lose the taste of it-- and her the memory of the gift at all. You will see but a glimpse of what I can make for you with the right tools…and payment.”

Nesrin would hum, inspecting this mystical fruit he’d been given as an offering. “A single day of a gift. To prove your worth,” he summarized, looking back to the woman. “And how is it to work, then. Explain to me this gift. You say I may like what I see, but what is it that I shall expect in change?”

Dasia opened her hands. “A bite of a peach, and she will remember your smile when you look at her. A half-dozen, and she shall forget the smiles of others, for all will pale in comparison to the hue of your eyes. If she licks it down to that pebbled pit…” She licked her lips. “She will forget any name but yours, and crave for nothing more than the wholeness of your attentions.”

“This is but a night. I can offer more, and you shall see it. Do not attempt to tarry in her graces after dawn, however-- the spell is short. Purposefully, short.”

“Merely a taste, I understand such.” Nesrin let out a slow breath through his nose. “And must I be in her presence when this peach is first eaten? I fear questions may arise if I would simply offer such a thing to her in these current times.”

Dasia beamed. “Oh no, this was made without you, and only needs a hint of you to seal it’s magics.” She turned to face the fire then, tossing something into the flames. The flames roared, the hue of their fierceness changing to pink, like petals of a rose.

She continued on with her dramatics, speaking again, “Kiss but the skin of it, and it will be marked. And she will never know such love as she feels for you that night.”

Nesrin looked to the fruit once more. “And this will cost me nothing in return. This one gift.”

The woman lifted her hands to the flames. “Consider it a promise to be fulfilled-- one night is nothing, compared to a lifetime.”

“This is true.” He agreed, thinking of just the what-if’s of this small promise. All that it could potentially bring and the joy it would bring him.

“You will return when you see what I have to offer. After all, what good is a business woman, if she refuses to give a sample of her wares?” There was an almost teasing tone in her voice, one he’d think was more akin to that eldest rose than he’d like.

He looked back to Dasia, curling his fingers around the fruit protectively. “And if I do like what is offered, what is this price I may have to pay? Can you tell me that now?”

Dasia turned back to face him, all smiles. “I can. I shall need things to make the charm, and things to buy my skills. I need from you, a lump of gold, thick as your finger and half as long, rose quartz that has come from a thief's hands, three roses-- in red, and black, and white. I will need a thorn stabbed with her blood, and then left to sit in noontide for three days.”

She hummed again, going on, “In payment, I wish for a feather from a bird that has never touched the ground, silk spun by a holy woman, and--” She paused. “Well, the last of my requests will wait until you see the peach at work and return to me with a Deal. When you wish to see me, drop a coin marked with a drop of your blood into the loam and leaf litter; I will find you.”

Nesrin raised his brows as she spoke of her list of needs and her payments. He thought over it only for a moment, passing it over to memory soon after. He took in a breath, continuing on, “Then we shall see how things end and if I shall return. If what you say of this fruit is true, then you will surely see me soon again. If not…then I would not hold your breath for my arrival once more. No need to waste time for something unwanted, after all.”

He’d place the fruit to his pocket, assuring it would be safe before he stated, “There is nothing more you need from me, yes?”

“Not a thing. I do not give gifts idly, My Lord, but I think you will enjoy what you see.”

“We shall see.” He would not feed into the act of this too far, “With nothing more, I shall be on my way then. Ih ope for both of our sakes, that you will see me soon again.”

Dasia smiled, looking back to him from her fires, “I know I shall, Lord Thori’thal. May your rose bloom-- or not-- eternal, as you wish it.”

Nesrin’s eyes never left her, the words stabbing closer to the truth of matters unspoken and hidden then he would have liked. She was a woman who gathered her whispers well, it seemed, and he would make note of such to be wary in the future.

Without another word, he turned, leaving her presence at the same pace as he arrived, listening as that humming slowly started up again, the woman’s voice trailing him as he left.

Tide of Fate Story Index Here 

@stormandozone 

[vonseal]

what im weak for this week

SOOOOO i haven’t done one of these in almost a month! i think it’s high-time to get back on track again! hopefully i can come out with the next one on the 11th instead of a month later.

this is long. like srsly long. like wow. it took me an hour. i could’ve written a whole fic.

call me maybe by shinigamibutter

i’ve got this weird thing with library aus. i love them. maybe it's because libraries are elusive and mysterious to me now (i checked out a book back in middle school, i still have it on my bookshelf and im too scared to return it), but they’re something so nice about libraries. also there’s something so nice about SOCKY and MYUNGJIN and BINU all in one lil fic, holla for a dolla! this is really nice and cute and i loved reading it! <3

out of my league by koutarous

BINU!!! DRINKING TOO MUCH (bad bin)!!! i loved this prompt and @shouldveheldon did it so much justice, it’s unbelievable how good it is (but i’ve never been disappointed from her writing). the set-up is good and even if bin should lay off on the alcohol a bit, at least it got him a cute guy’s number, AMIRITE.

i’ll pick the white and fluffy clouds from the sky for you by spaceviolet (vividplum)

did you guys know im a fan of the cute fluff? did you guys know im a fan of the socky? did you guys know im a fan if you combine both those things? heck yes man, this combination was so amazing and perfect. ALSO, ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP??? im in, im so in.

Does Lonileness Ever Truly End? by MidnightsDeath

i should stop writing angsty stuff bc people take it as inspiration to make even angstier stuff and then im all sad and depressed lol. especially WHEN I STARTS HELLA CUTE WITH MYUNGJIN. thank you for writing this, and thank you for making me cry and ruin my makeup haha.

(my) hot antagonist by rubanrose

we’ve been getting this nice influx of moonrock here lately, and seal approves. i mean, tbc was basically moonrock (did you see the way bin smiled when he brought up rocky???). ALSO ANOTHER ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP, YES. and just moonbin and rocky being cute dorks together and making my heart die of fluff, wow <3

you captured my heart by binubin

some people say that the fake boyfriend au is overdone. i say it’s UNDERdone. like, seriously, i love the idea of people pretending to date and then legit falling in love (the proposal is one of my favorite movies if you guys wanted to know), and WOW IM SO HAPPY THIS ONE EXISTS! bin is a photographer and dongmin is a (un?)willing subject, and i just want you guys to read it. it’ll be six chapters of awesome sauce.

home is wherever the heart is by diametrical

NO GUYS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THAT DOMESTIC AUS ARE JUST THE GREATEST!!!! AND MYUNGJIN???? DOMESTIC???? wow, just shoot me now, @leedeermin, bc you stole my heart already. i thought nothing could top binu domestic au, BUT THIS DID (mostly bc myungjin > everything for me, im trash, send help). thank youuuu for this, it’s all i needed in life 

i get to love you by asteraa

aka, lanna still tryin to make up for making me sob over trains to busan au. well it worked. it worked so so so well. and the song choice for the end I HAVE IT ON MY PHONE BC OF THIS NOW WOW i get emo over it thank you so much. this is all around just funny and cute and heart-wrenching and fluffy and perfect.

moving on by slaymyseoul

your username conveys perfectly what you’ve done to me, @slaymyseoul: you slayed my soul. slayed it hard. slayed it nasty. and then you acted all happy in the end notes like you didn’t just slaughter a thousand hearts all at once. this binu just...all 700 words of it just ruined me for the rest of my life. you’re such a good author and it shows in my tears.

baby by beifomg

tbh now all i can think in my head is BABY whenever they call each other that, bless astro and their bitchin tunes. NAH BUT THIS FIC is so pure??? so so so pure and i just wanted to touch the screen and somehow lengthen the story with nothing but this pure moment between eunwoo and binnie. at least im so happy this was created, it’s perfection.

Let's go on an adventure! by Rach4040

BINU!!! CUTE BINUUUU!!! also rulebreaker binnie and SUDDEN RULEBREAKER EUNWOO??? i love the idea of cute, romantic teens going off in the middle of the night just to be cute and pure and getting back home in the morning and knowing they won’t get any sleep and will be utterly exhausted all day, but it’s worth it because they love each other AND THATS WHAT THIS IS!!! it’s so cute, gosh golly.

rock show by roobix

i know a few people wanted bartender jinwoo, which i might still write, but i think this one is even better than what i could ever do. it was so short and i longed for more BUT MAN what we did get was fantastic (and made me imagine bartender jinwoo, haha yessss)

oh, the stars shine by parkjinchu

the stars shine for @parkjinchu and HER BEAUTIFUL FICS!!! i missed her writing in the lull after the year we met (go check it out, go check it out on her page, wow i cry), but she’s back with DOMESTICCCCC (im so happy with all this domestic we’re getting) JINCHA!!! why is there not more jincha, they work so well together. (i’d write it but also im myungjin trash, i cant escape my hell). also cute new parents peeking over a bed at their fragile baby just warms my heart (also, relatable, how do you touch a baby without breaking him)

summer paradise by aseuteuro

nopenopenopenope. i shouldnt recommend this, so dont read it unless you want to cry at work like seal did (not safe for work, bc you CRY). it’s binu and i sorta expected it to be happy despite the angst warning in the tags (im not smart, i dont claim to be intelligent) but it WASNT, it just RIPPED MY HEART OUT, HOW DARE

colour me by heybinnie

i will be honest, i dont normally read reader-insert fics like this, but i thought, “it’s @heybinnie and she’s perfect so i bet it will be perfect.” guess what? it was. it was so dreamy and beautiful and breathtaking, and i seriously cannot wait to figure it all out! (JINWOO SELLS DRUGS, PASS IT ON)

flytrap by tinytaeil

MYUNGJIN, i thought. METAPHORS, i thought again. BEAUTIFUL WRITING WOW IM JEALOUS, i thought once more. and then it ends with my cries, why can’t jinwoo just LOVE and have HAPPINESS, why this, why the poor fly, why the amazing description and flowing narrative??? tbh, i think this fic was a flytrap.

forbidden love by jiminaddiction

MORE MOONROCK! look at us getting blessed with all this moonrock. i love this one a lot bc minhyuk is deaf and bin is colorblind, but WOW they’re so adorable and blushy around each other! each chapter that comes out makes me so happy and excited, and i can’t wait for more of it!

Loop by ContraryNonsense

WOW MAN THIS IS SO INTRIGUING!!! i dont read tags, tbh, i just click at this point when i see the description, so i didn’t expect the ending to the first chapter (then i read the tags and thought, “gotta trudge past the angst to get to the happy ending.”) and we’re ALMOST THERE!!! ONE MORE CHAPTER!!! definitely read this, pls do so, it deserve so much more hits than it’s got.

where soil lies, a new beginning blooms by @vocalpmh

THIS WAS INSPIRED BY WITCHCRAFT WHICH>????? how did i do anything to deserve this amazing piece of perfection??? i still read it a lot, it’s one of my go-tos when im feeling down, and im so blessed you gifted it to me, i just absolutely ADORE this fic. pls pls pls read, it’s pure and perfect myungjin (also butt groping, my legacy spreads)

breadtrayed by @glowingjinjin

that pun. get in my home, lanna, i need your puns. i think we had a discussion bc i actually dont like bread all that much but NO WHAT HAS BREAD EVER DONE TO ME??? or to eunwoo, who apparently can find time to bag up a bunch of bread, what a great boyfriend.

a love stronger than furniture by @glowingjinjin

stop writing funny fics to make up for train to busan, you can’t replace my broken heart. IDK THO THIS CAME CLOSE TO DOING SO!!! everything about it was perfect, and you’re so amazing with writing these cutsie fics??? (and then you’ll turn around and rip out my heart, i know you will)

witch coven au by @astrofireworks

i still havent read the newest addition, but i have it up right now to read after i post this. i love your imagination. i love your ideas, i just need to tap into your brain and steal some of this brilliance, thank you very much

UPDATED FICS FROM LAST WEEK MONTH??? -

because of hani by gachigallae - have i mentioned how much i love these kids and domestic stuff??? because i do, i truly seriously do, and i love this fic and bin’s affection for dongmin’s daughter is so cute

5+1 by heybinnie - this makes my heart wrench, but in a good way, and makes me realize how fantastic of a leader jinwoo is to these boys.

stray romance by alette - @alette-stars done did it again, stole my heart and made binnie and dongmin both all so jealous, wow this is cute

medley by sassysavagesanha (RedJusticeLibra) - QUEEN OF SOCKY!!! MORE SOCKY FOR ME!!! more socky for you if you click right now, guaranteed you’ll enjoy it

short moments by Mieun (snowsketch) - i love these cute little movements, and new chapters always make me so happy, especially the myungjin in the last chapter!

inked by jinwoosmile - i figured you out, @jinwoosmile. you tryin to get me to cry. and you succeeded, congrats, you can stop bashing my heart apart now.

leave me dreaming by desiderate - im hooked. im so so so so hooked and idk how it’ll end but im so anticipating whatever happens because it’s such good writing so i know it’ll be fantastic (even if i’ve been so sad with this lol)

the language of flowers by birdbrainberke - I LOVED THIS PROMPT so obvs i love this fic, especially bc it’s @payneinthearsenal, who really knows how to write amazing fics.!!!

and if you ever have anything you think i need to check out, hit me up with that fic, fams. i dont even care if it’s your own. i check a03 regularly, so if it’s something posted elsewhere, pls let me know!

[rantsbymiriam]

Nightmares

I had a terrible nightmare last night. It was so bad that im still thinking about it today....so vivid in my memory as if it actually happened to me. Thats the thing about dreams, you actually feel all the emotions when you dream. And when you have a bad dream, you feel it as though it was real.

I dreamt I was in a school bus filled with school children and we all got into a major accident. We crashed into the river..but it wasn’t a river..it was a river filled with oil. You cant swim in it. (gila climate change dream)

I survived. The bus driver managed to haul me out. The children died. I cried so much. The bus driver told me that we should leave the area immediately and act like nothing happened so no one would find out. I was appalled at his suggestion but I was too much in shock to be able to process his suggestion. Then suddenly im back at home trying to tell an ex of mine what happened to me with the accident and all. And he just ignored me. 

Then I woke up. 

How many layers of trauma can you point out in this very dream? So many! I dreamt abt dying chlidren!!

 I have a bajillion things to do at work today and all I can think about is 

1- The children died. I can hear their cries. 2- wtf is wrong with the bus driver 3- wtf is my ex boyfriend of 10 years ago doing in my dream ignoring me? Seriously wtf. dah dah la tu. 

Obviously whatever thats going on in your dreams is a reflection of your reality.  Howver, my reality is not so bad now though. Work is work. I should feel pretty excited about whats to come for work stuff (murals and new projects and shit) but I think at this point of my life i cant derive happiness from work anymore. In the beginning I could because everything was new and exciting and now everything is just work...blerghhh..

You know what I need to get? A life. Thats what I need to get. I spent the whole of 2018,2019 focusing all my energy and time on work and figuring out the business....but its already the end of 2019...and im legit dying for something new. I also think I need to start dating again. You know, be a normal 31 year old single woman.

I just dont know how to anymore. All the things I used to like a few years ago...before I left for London in 2016...going to bars, clubbing, partying...im just not into anymore. Whenever I am invited to go, or think about going, my head immediately feels heavy...like my entire body refuses to do all these things...

So i’ve been trying out new activities...like THRIFTING. I am a natural thrifter. It gives me so much satisfaction if I find something I love for RM2. I went last weekend with some friends and we found a RM2 MARIMEKKO PLATE WHAT WHATTTTTT. If thats not a steal I dunno what is. I used to sell these plates at Janine and they’re like RM50. 

I said in my last post that i’ve been getting back into my music.....which is really playing the guitar again..playing my ukelele....writing music..singing to myself. Why did I even stop doing this? I loveeeee music. But for the longest time, ive had the weirdest most complicated relationship with all the music I love. (to cut the story short, a lot of bands trigger my PTSD LOL) I’ve been trying to deal with all these triggers and FORCE myself to listen to the songs and create new memories attached to it. 

I notice this abt myself. When I go through a bad experience in life... when im out of it... I avoid everything to do with that time of my life like THE PLAGUE. Even when the experience also had good stuff in it, I still avoid. I don’t think this is a good way fo navigating life.

For example, last night I went to watch Last Christmas with my mom and my sister (#romcomnight) and the movie was shot in London. I legit had so many WEIRD flashbacks of my time in London. It was non stop. Good and bad memories. mostly bittersweet.  I couldn’t bring myself to really get into the movie because THE ENTIRE MOVIE TRIGGERED ME. I need to deal with this. I WONT allow just a shitty time in London make me hate an entire city that I used to love. Ahh.. London...what a weird time of my life. Thats the moment I realize you can get what you want in life, but still be unhappy about other shit. It never stops. More on that later. 

You know another city that triggers me? Singapore. Oh my god. Now I have 2 freaking countries that make me have the hibbyjibbies when I go there. 

Anyway, this year, I plan to stop getting triggered with crap that doesn’t even directly affect my day to day life. Like music, movies and entire cities that i’ve been completely avoiding because it triggers me so much. As you can obviously guess by now, relationship memories trigger me. I now know that it isn’t the relationship per se that triggers me, it isn’t even the person im seeing. It is just me being overly sentimental and having all these childhood traumas that come back to haunt me when I date people.

And it only comes out when I start getting intimate with people. All my emotional baggage from being abandoned and neglected as a child comes back tenfolds with any guy I date. He could be the nicest guy in the world and I would still have to deal with my baggage. I know my nightmare last night is probably a reflection of all these experiences i’ve had as a child.

It took me a looooongggg ass time to accept and forgive all the people who had hurt me as a child. If you dont know yet, childhood trauma is one of the main reasons why people behave / do / believe in what they do / have unhealthy coping mechanisms...and it can REALLY affect relationships and how you are in a relationship if one does not deal with these traumas properly. It also affects how you deal with stress and stressful situations. It affects everything really. For me it affects EVERY SINGLE THING abt my life, except work related stuff .People always assume I have my shit together because when its work related im almost always on the good side of things. My personal life is the opposite of my work life. It used to be a disaster area. Literally a hurricane went through it and nobody rebuilt it. It was just left there in shambles...Theres a rave happening in the middle of it.....Not really a happy rave...more like a rave happening out of desperation, like “fuck we live in a hell hole. LET’s RAVE!!!” Instead of cleaning up the mess, I chose to rave. Omg. Thats totally me and my life haha. Anyway, that was back then. Currently my personal life is a beautiful garden straight out of a Monet painting..theres a beautiful cottage right by the river.....flowers are blooming everywhere...Its pretty scenic...fantabulous...level boleh masuk Architectural Digest (welcome to my crib)...... The only problem is that its completely EMPTY.... More on that later. 

Back to childhood traumas, I am not the only one in the world with childhood traumas. EVERYONE has childhood traumas in one way or another. EVERYONE has baggage.  You reading my blog here. You have traumas. It’s only a matter of being AWARE of ones trauma or not. Thats your own journey to find out. Some people are lucky to have been born into mentally healthy and happy families, GOOD FOR YOU BRO.

Im not special at all. I hear stories front left and centre about relationships falling apart because of they haven’t properly dealt with all their mommy and daddy issues...and issues regarding the self....

Anyway I dont even know why im talking about this right now..I guess the dream last night made me realize that ive totally been avoiding dating or having relationships (or even meeting new people) and using work as an excuse to not have to deal.

Then again, its not like TINDER has the best quality of men in the world Lol so I know im not missing out on much. But I know I must. 

For the sake of my “art” and creativity. I’ve never been a full time artist AND be in a relationship at the same time. I always wondered all these artists and their “muses” - being inspired by another person to create your art....I find it fascinating. 

If you read about Frida Kahlo’s life and her artist boyfriend...whoa..thats like ART TELENOVELA....Artists are so passionate when it comes to love. I scare myself when I think about it. Artists have no chill honestly. When they feel, THEY TRULY FEEL. Im sure many artists are able to properly regulate their emotions and are just normal ass people...but the artists I know are all super mad in some way....

Which is why, I believe this is the best profession for me. There was no way I could work in an office and be a robot...churn out report after report and new marketing strategies when there is so much ABOUT LIFE out there to get inspired by...I guess this is a topic for another time which I really wanna talk about. Basically how I came into “myself” when I made the change to do what I really want in life. I changed my hair and dressing too.....I suddenly realized “Why am I wearing all this 9-5 bullshit? Why TF am I wearing an A line skirt” I can wear whatever the hell I want I dont have a boss or have to be “professional” and I can get away with wearing a plastic bag on my head if I wanted to. And here I thought I was a “non-conformist” There was so much more I was subconsciously “conforming” to and didn’t realize. Dressing and hair are just surface level stuff....Theres a whole lotta “lifestyle” choices that ive been re-thinking too....Also the sacrifices i’ve made to do the business...I had to do a whole entire LIFESTYLE rehaul for me to be able to afford doing my business......(this is something that I REALLY want to share. Cause chasing your dreams ain’t easy. People only see the glamorous parts of it)

Thats a post for another time. For now, I really gotta go back to work and FINISH UP SOME REALLY EXCITING PROJECTS....

(I tried to do this in caps lock to hype myself, but it didn’t work. im dreading work today....oh well) Im human. some days we get nightmares and it fucks up our entire day.