#oh god. dont let me cut myself bangs. im trying to grow my hair back out lol. im an emo with no bangs

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I desperately need to be a scene kid for Halloween this year

[axiolotl]

28 questions

i was tagged by @disasterpaladin​!! like a WHILE AGO!! hello! 

Rules: tag the person who tagged you, answer the questions, tag 20 people, love yourself

1. How tall are you?

5′9′’ or 5′10′’ i dont remember

2. What color and what style is your hair?

it’s black (but the black is washing out and showing my natural brown rip) and is currently not a particular style just “i cut my hair really short and then let it grow out and it’s still too short to put into a ponytail but it’s still annoyingly in my face”. also there’s a side bang

3. What color are your eyes?

brown, baby

4. Do you wear glasses?

yes absolutely my eyes are bad

5. Do you wear braces?

i don’t but i did and it was horrible

6. What is your fashion style?

casual emo??? i wear mostly only black most of the time. but then i dress formally and it is also mostly black but i have some colors that are nice. honestly i just want to give cool emo vibes

7. Full name?

my first name is alyssa and i will absolutely not give my last name, what are you, a cop?

8. When were you born?

November 2nd

9. Where are you from and where do you live now?

WHAT ARE YOU A COP! WHAT IS THIS

im from long island and i used to live in nyc but then i went back to long island

10. What school do you go to?

im just gonna say i go to grad school and it’s local don’t kill me 

11. What kind of student are you?

it’s hard because my entire academic life i had undiagnosed ADD and had no coping methods so i just fucked around and did things at the last minute. now that i’m diagnosed and treated and starting grad school im trying to break those habits this semester and become a more planned student who actually knows what’s going on 

12. Do you like school?

i 75% love school, it’s routine and organization it gives me, and if im interested in the topic im absolutely horny on main for it but i also don’t like doing anything ever so i 25% dislike it for the work

13. What are your favorite school subjects?

in undergrad i loved creative writing and my broadcast classes, right now i’m loving my archiving and library science courses 

14. Favorite TV shows?

great british baking show, castlevania, brooklyn 99, the good place, idk i don’t really watch standard tv shows. i love a lot of youtube series, like binging with babish and defunctland and you suck at cooking!

15. Favorite Movies?

pacific rim, arrival, spiderman: into the spiderverse, hot fuzz

16. Favorite Books

uuuuuuuuuuh i’ve read so many so recently but i love the eragon series, the poppy war by rf kuang, hitchhiker’s guide, the prey of gods by nikki drayden is super good

17. Favorite pastime?

tabletop RPGs/d&d (and then thinking about d&d, making pinterest boards and playlists for my characters), hanging out with friends, playing vidya games, baking, crafting stuff, watching overwatch league

18. Do you have any regrets?

i’m sure i have a ton of things but the greatest ones i have are all the times i put myself down and berated myself when i couldn’t see my worth 

19. Dream job?

no job i hate working but uh. i’d love to just sit in a dusty old archive somewhere and do data entry while digitizing everything (you need a degree in that! and im getting it!)

20. Would you like to get married someday?

sure would

21. Would you like to have kids someday?

my answer is almost always no but i don’t know who i’ll be in the upcoming years so it may change but honestly. no

22. How many?

no

23. Do you like shopping?

not really, it depends. if i have enough money and it’s for non-clothes items? hell yeah. clothes shopping is rough because it’s hard to try things on and i’m usually limited to one store but i’m getting better 

24. What countries have you visited?

canada, mexico, the bahamas, germany, italy 

25. What is the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

i had one where my mom did something horrible to me that i would not like to repeat and i dont feel like remembering 

26. Do you have any enemies?

uhhhh i don’t really like spending the energy disliking people, much less declaring them enemies. maybe my old roommate but i don’t see her anymore so it doesn’t matter

oh, wait, i know

using enemy in the loosest and most humorous way possible, a player in my current d&d campaign

27. Do you have a s/o?

no! kinda wish i did but life is good now and i’ll just go on the adventure and see who shows up

28. Do you believe in miracles?

great, unlikely events that happen through a ton of different circumstances that happen to line up and a good outcome happens? sure. is it divine? no

sike! i’m not tagging 20 people! but mutuals do this if you so please

[solarpunksoftie]

Frantic (Too Deep)

Fandoms:

Thomas Sanders

Characters:

Anxiety Sanders Patton Sanders | Morality

Additional Tags:

Crying, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Hurt/Comfort, Wounds, Blood, seriously a lot of blood, this ones messy, this is what happens when you fuck up kids, Whump, gotta hurt the tired boi, it gets fluffy at the end, Self Loathing, Unreliable Narrator

Summary:

Anxiety thinks he's cut too deep. In a panic he runs to Dad for help.

A/N:

this is gonna get really trigger happy. this one is really bloody. read safely kids!

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10967349

Anxiety bit the inside of his cheek as he slid the razor across his thigh for the dozenth time in the last five minutes. The blade had stopped hurting the way he had wanted it to about two cuts ago, but they still bled the same. He always took the numbness as a sign to stop. If he couldn't react to them to the correct degree, there was no telling what kind of damage he'd do.

Heaving a shaky sigh, Anxiety pulled his hand away to admire his handy work. Twelve lines criss-crossed across his right thigh, barely discernible under the pool of blood that was quickly growing tacky on his skin. He felt a wave of disgust at himself as usual. He wasn't sure why he even did this. It never made him feel better. you deserve it you're evil and cruel you should be punished punish yourself because no one else will

Gritting his teeth he dug his fingernails into the mess of cuts. He couldn't stop bleeding yet, he wasn't done yet, he deserved more. moremoremore He felt a ripple of satisfaction as the blood under his fingers went from tacky to slick again, followed once more by disgust.

what am i doing you deserve it i cant believe im doing this to myself there needs to be more i must have some serious issues one more cut cant hurt

one more

Anxiety readied his hand again. this is the last one tonight He bit his cheek as he pressed the razor into his skin. He didn't see new blood spring to the surface through all the blood already smeared across his leg, but he didn't have to. He knew what he was doing.

A loud bang from the hallway made him jump, his head whipping to his door. He sat frozen for a long second before he realized that had come from down the hall. its past midnight, logan and roman must've been up talking. princy probly slammed his door cuz he lost an argument as usual. Anxiety smirked at the prospect of the Royal trait losing a debate with Logan again, and turned back to his leg, only to bite back a shriek.

There was so much more blood than before, pooling, bubbling eagerly out of his skin.

my hand slipped oh god what have i done

His heart hammering in his throat, he lunged for the nearest absorbent material, a thick flannel, off his bed.

theres so much blood theres so much

His breath grew ragged as he pressed the shirt to his leg, watching the black fabric grow darker with blood until it was entirely soaked.

it wont stop why wont it stop

He looked frantically around his room, trying to remember how to care for serious bleeds. But healing wasn't his department. He had no idea.

oh my god im gonna bleed to death

He needed help. His stomach churned just at the thought of letting any of the others see him like this, but he was terrified. He was shaking and getting light headed and he couldn't tell if it was from panicking or blood loss. Probably blood loss; always better to assume the worst with an injury involved.

Anxiety's mind raced through who he could go to. He couldn't go to Logan because he was probably in a foul mood after his argument with Roman, and Anxiety didn't want to ruin his night further. Roman was the same, but Anxiety hadn't really considered him an option in the first place because you can't hope and dream a serious injury away. Roman would be useless no matter what. Thomas was out of the question as well. The host was already onto him, and if he went to Thomas now he'd just get an "I knew it" and he would be insufferably smug. So that left Dad.

Could he live with upsetting Patton with this? Patton was always so happy and sensitive and easily upset by the littlest things. What would showing him this even do to the sunny trait? itd horrify him hed be so devastated you cant do this to- His wound throbbed painfully, making him whimper and snapping him back to the urgency of his decision. i need help NOW

Swallowing his guilt, Anxiety pushed himself to his feet, biting down against a groan of pain as he put weight on his leg.

shit theres probably muscle damage and youre gonna be permanently disabled and everyones gonna know about this and theyll hate you

He stifled his breath in his hoodie sleeve as he limped silently from his room, making sure the coast was clear before pushing out into the hall. Morality was two doors down, he'd have to pass Logan to get there.

h es gonna hear you you need to be quieter dont disturb him DONT USE THE WALL FOR SUPPORT YOULL GET BLOOD ON IT just keep it together youre almost there

It felt like hours before he was at Patton's door, hesitating to knock even as he felt his pants soaking with blood. is this really worth bothering him ab-

The door swung open and Patton nearly crashed into Anxiety standing in the door. "Woah! Hey there kiddo! I was just gonna go down to the kitchen to get a midnight..." Patton's chipper demeanor faltered as he actually looked at the boy standing in front of him. He went white as a sheet. "...snack."

Anxiety's hair was disheveled, the bags under his eyes were darker than usual, and his expression was pinched in pain. Oh and he was covered in blood. There was so much blood. "Hey dad... sorry to bother you." Anxiety was shaking like a leaf and his voice was so small. As he spoke, a couple fat tears rolled down his cheeks. "I fucked up."

Patton instantly became serious. Without a word he stepped aside and guided Anxiety into his room, offering him the comfy arm chair he used for reading. Anxiety just stood and stared at the chair, eyes wide. He opened his mouth to protest but Patton held up a hand to silence him. "Son, sit in the chair. I can't help you if you're standing."

Anxiety hesitated a moment more before nodding and limping over to the chair to sink into its fluffy cushions. Any other time Anxiety would've fought to sit in this chair, but now he felt like he was just ruining it and it made him feel claustrophobic with how plush it was. Morality didn't even have to prompt him to remove his jeans before he was shimmying out of them, holding back from crying out in pain. The tears hadn't stopped flowing down his cheeks, and it was taking a surprising amount of effort to keep from erupting into full out sobbing.

While Anxiety had been fighting with his blood soaked skinny jeans, Morality had gone and produced a first aid kit and was kneeling in front of the chair. He was still white as a sheet, but he was keeping it together.

"Anxiety, how did this happen?"

There it was, the question Anxiety had known was coming the moment he even considered getting help. He swallowed thickly and stared at the wall. "I-I was, um, I did it. To myself. This was me." Shit his voice was shaking hard.

Patton blinked at the younger trait for a moment, brain momentarily short circuiting. "You mean you accidentally slipped with a knife in the kitchen? Cuz I've had some pretty close calls while opening packages and cutting potatoes, let me tell ya!" He smiled soothingly up at Anxiety as he swabbed the extra blood away from the wound, but it fell again when he saw him shake his head. "Were you working on one of those art projects? You know, the little models? I've seen Logan working on a couple of those and he's had to cut some pretty tough materials. Pretty easy to slip up."

Again, Anxiety shook his head. He couldn't look Morality in the eye, so he closed his before he could find his voice. "No, I did this. Intentionally. It was, um. It was on purpose." He swore inwardly as more tears spilled down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, dad." And the first broken sob finally forced its way through. "I didn't mean for it to be this deep, I didn't mean to do this." Anxiety pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes to try to stop the flow of tears as his body shook with more sobs. "Please don't tell the others. It was an accident."

Patton felt his heart break for the boy sitting in front of him. That Anxiety would ever resort to this was shattering news for the empathetic trait, but he swallowed it down. He had to help him through this. He leaned up and took one of Anxiety's hands away from his face, devastated that he thought he had to hide like this. Even when he was right in front of someone he was trying to hide.

"Look at me, son." Anxiety flicked his gaze to meet Patton's before it wandered away and back again. "You're gonna be just fine. I'm not mad at you, and I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. You're gonna be good as new in no time, alright?" He could feel the blood soaking through the gauze he was holding, but he kept his voice soft and his gaze sure until Anxiety nodded. "There ya go, kiddo." He smiled supportively up at the youngest trait before he set about properly staunching the bleeding.

It took a lot of gauze and an ace bandage to keep pressure before the wound stopped bleeding. Anxiety's jaw hurt from gritting his teeth to keep from crying out while pressure was applied, and now he was just tired. He hadn't stopped crying until the bleeding stopped and he felt secure that he was not, in fact, going to bleed to death in Morality's comfy chair.

Now Morality was cleaning himself up and trying to sort out what to say to the injured boy. The boy who called him Dad and was starting to fall asleep in his comfy recliner. The boy who threw insults and jabs as easily as Patton could roll out a pun. His head spun with guilt. How hadn't he noticed that Anxiety was so upset? It was probably his own optimistic nature that had blinded him to any problems. He looked back over at the dozing trait and frowned. He had to fix this.

"Anxiety?"

"Hmm?"

"You know you can come to me, right? About anything?"

Anxiety opened his eyes and looked over at Morality, confused. "Obviously. You're the one I came to, right?"

Morality tried not to grumble at the boy's obliviousness. "Yes you did, and I'm very glad you did. But, you can come to me even if it isn't an emergency. If you just wanna talk or hang out, I'm here. You know that right?"

Anxiety blinked at him a couple times before breaking eye contact. "Yeah, I know. Thanks Dad." The atmosphere had suddenly become too heavy for Anxiety's liking, and he started pushing himself up out of the chair before he felt a hand push him back down into the seat. He blinked at Morality as he lowered back into the cushions.

"I'd be more comfortable if you slept here tonight, Anxiety. You gave me a good scare." It was Patton's turn to avert his gaze this time. He didn't want to ask too much of Anxiety, but he'd be lying if he said he was ok leaving him alone tonight.

Thankfully, Anxiety understood, and simply nodded as he eased back in the chair. "Fair enough. So what's the plan then? Movie marathon?" Anxiety smirked slightly, meaning the suggestion as a joke, but Patton instantly lit up and ran to get a small collection of dog movies from the main room -they'd had a pretty ruff night. Anxiety sighed and let his eyes close. His leg was still throbbing painfully and he was exhausted and really wanted nothing more than to curl up in his own bed. But he understood that he had just scared the crap out of the headspace's father figure and he owed him at least peace of mind.

Anxiety was asleep by the time Patton returned.