#ohhhhhh noooo

[noknowshame]

started reading 1984 today because I realized they never made us read any Orwell in school and it’s giving me some Thoughts

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

hey so. was anyone gonna tell me that last year I wrote *the* most tender lonan & harrison moment in feeding habits ORRRRR (harrison cuts lonan’s hair):

On the floor, Harrison eases Lonan’s skull over his knee and mimics what Suzanna does for him every other month: a modest section between his index and middle finger, then a tentative snip. A section. A snip. As he cuts, chips of Lonan’s hair falling to the tile, he notes the geography of Lonan’s skull, rough with uneven hair. He’s so focused on taming it all to one length that at first, he doesn’t notice when Lonan flushes crimson all the way to his throat. How he blinks rapidly to dislodge the tears netting his eyelashes, and eventually covers his face with his hands. Harrison snips again, and Lonan makes a strangled noise, like an animal’s cry. Tentative at first, like a short clearing of the throat, and then ugly, like a caribou dying. Harrison clenches his jaw, knowing it’ll only be harder to cut Lonan’s hair if he too starts to cry, but that doesn’t matter. Within seconds, his eyes swell, and as he snips, hair scattering like both of their old lives dissipating, he smooths his free thumb over Lonan’s forehead. He doesn’t know what else to do. How to imbue comfort. He’s not like Suzanna who understands that sometimes a person just needs another person to appear with a plate of papas, or a rented chick flick, and just be there. Within minutes, Lonan’s hair is at a new normal: shorter than it’s been in years, but in shape to regrow. Harrison sets the scissors onto the tile. He cups Lonan’s cheek with his palm, brings his forehead so close to his that they nearly touch. And he’s there. A bamboo stake waiting for a strand of ivy to give it new purpose.

[porcelainvino]

i’m hallucinating fanfics againnnnn

[coconut530]

STOP THE TECH CULT 💛⁉️😡🗣️🖤

[sleepy-seal]

oH boy. YOur PEEP remindS me of MY GALE.VERY infuriatING. gueSS somE parts oF OUR kinD of jOURNEY are INEVITABLE.

i wisH you luck, UH.DEALING With That.

but. you Said... ANDREW? yOur Andrew?-UH- DREW? time One? HAMMER?

YeS YES!!!! THAT’S HHER!!! How ddiD YYOU KNOW?

[newdayslinguine]

.

[sillyouhette]

OHHHHHH IM SICK. OHHHH IM SO SICK NOOOO NOOOOO

[istherewifiinhell]

scheduled hopefully for appropriate insanity causing hours

304 cant believe everyone in gin.tama just lives like this. the. speech convictions dramatic childhood flashbacks promises lifestyle. not just for main characters i guess (is this guy the shogun.....)

yay yay yippppppe the guys. yay ayay yippeee flashbacks. DONT DIE.

kaaaaaaruga. always suspected. if i understood her more id be obsessed. Confirmed. 2 second in pulling that. i was waiting for ur weakness bullshit. BEAT UP UR OLDER BROTHER. (<- comma. gay? ) kagura born on this planet.... half a second of taka.gin grappling could sustain me for a life time (gin puts his hands on him to throw him) hey fellas i know this is the Sword Penis show but have u considered going at it meg.op. style. for me?

omg baby flashback leftest infighting. sugi ur not the most oppressed person in the world u know. well u would say that scholarship baby zura. diddddddd they shape each others ideologies like that. where they reading theory together as shitty little kids -> well prob not this show but lets indulge

oh right gin former. ghost eating thing. showing up to the school yard beef with a real sword.

HI SHOU.YOU. HI. his little pogchamps

loveeee how they do the blood in this show looks like velvet, alll dark shimmery. also the editing. wooooo.

bushido speech. this shit is cool actually. also leon.ardo the ninja turtle would love it (03)

zura giving him fooooood oh no. little. verbal redirects of kindness transparency

NOOOO SUGI beats gin for the first time clip NO NONO SUGI LAUGHING SLOW MO CLIP (already tearing up)

ahhhh the position of the school and the attitudes of the backgrounder kids actually very affecting and interesting isnt it.... shou.youuuuuuuu the man(thing) that u are....

ep. 305

theeeeee babies. the babies.... the babiest guys. so so charmedddd by them charmeddd again by how. unexpected? maybe. sugi and zura stick together.... the remainers..... kidtoki why are uuuu such a perfectly cromulent. thing. little. video game character ass look. perfect. shitty cool affect. wanna pinch his little cheeks 10/10 letting this kid be the leader of the playground gang.

shou.youuuuuu shou.youuuuuu. such a. believably. man with his complexities but hes being around children so (friendly voice) 'thats right. what do you think' sooooo. yeah immediately believes 100 thousand percent he means everything he says so truly yeah i probably would get. horrible weird trauma give the givens too

THROW THE SWORDS AWAY YAYYYYYY. flashback. ohhhhhhh sugi. i little. weird bitch (said in. desperate scrambling fondness. i love the things that are wrong with him)

gin boots are so hot...

SOMEONE INTIMATE TO CUT AND CURSE!!!!!!! ohhhhh babes (what could i possible say abt it that hasnt been said) well i hope they fuck themselves to death about it

fightscene styles gt vs tf <- place holder i left for myself. that will be extricated to a diff post.

gin scrambling in the blood and dirt under all the promises he has given his loved one. YES BABE. thats exactly what ur supposed to be going

ohhhhhh godddddddd the fucking beheading scene back to back from both of their perspectives oh jesus fuck oh hell. im going to. cut and curse at someone else. i guess. THANKS HIM. THANKS HIM FOR IT. (crying) cool. thats normal. i feel normal about the man (shou.you)(gin)

what the fuck. oboro real? thats fucked up. THATS WHO TAKES THE EYE? (knew this techincally) WHO THE FUCK IS OBORO. (am seeing him) why is he a grown ass man i thought he was a kicked dog of a boy.

SUGI. SUGI YOU DUMB BITCH (loves him)(loves intractable positions)(loves the emotional incommunicability of reality)(loves an emotional confliction you can never resolve and just have to die about) he did it to save u fucking losers. cause his fucking teacher dad man asked him too. and thanked him for the service. ohhhhh u miserable fucks

why did you SAVE US. say it like that. damn.

oh youd do anything. youd kill shou.you. youd kill sugi himself. just to save the student your teacher loved. okay. okay. jesus. so you are the same. so your exactly the same person. your saying things that dont even make sense youve both lost any plane of reality cause you cant separate the things youve lost from the things you have. the very people youve saved are now reflected in those youve lost and youll both kill them to keep them alive. okay. no yeah thats fine cool lol.

(i guess sugis version would technically be said in reverse, you cant separate what youve have from what youve lost and the very person you lost are reflect in the one who saved you. and to keep him alive (crying gin.toki) youd kill him)

and MOST IMPORTANTLY. because you are the same person. you see yourself in him and him in yourself and u cant figure out where you end and he begins and your diametric opposed mirror reflection goals that lead you to taking. the exact same actions. okay. lol. OKAY. lol.

WHO THE FUCK IS OBORO. GET OUT OF HERE FREAK. i was talking.

id alt. im always saying this. or even just. Why is Oboro.

ep 306

heyyyyyy kagura! hiiiiii. youre not dead yay! hi. older brother. youre still here.

squints ohhhh these are. the cops? mayo man and. is this the other canonical gay sex haver or. (only has the normalest of second hand knowledge)

'if im just gonna end up as fertilizer anyway, i dont care if my path there is paved by roses or thorns.' damn dude. get out of the fucking. whatever ur in. and go become a metal music lyricist. what the fuck

oh shin.pachi. ur in this show.

googling. cant figure it out. whoever this green zombie bitch is sounds familiar. wish he had a name or smth.

damn there really is space in this show huh. thats crazy thats crazy. planet of the big hats vs planet of. umbrellas? anyone wanna watch space military anime.....

shogun 'i will protect the country were my friends live' what kagura said abt the planet. 'and to fulfill that goal, you'll even endure the deaths of your friends here?' gestures at the shou.you trolley problem. wow. that is tidy. good job recursive gin.tama

why do you grip that broken sword. you killed your teacher. you battled your friend. - my enemy is right here. WEVE NEVER CHANGED. weve all been fighting our own selves. ill stop him. even if it means having to kill him. but im also the one who understands how he feels better than anyone else

ohhhhhh gin. tama. ohhhhh gin. toki. i love u. i love u so much for just. saying insane thesis shit. like. yeah! YEAH OKAY! yeah thats. making out sloppy style with the narrative theming <- what do i mean by that.

be it killing him or protecting him. their both my job (gets so hard i pass out)

gin: says the most homoerotic twisted identity shit ive ever heard in my life that rests solely on. how unextractable gin. and sugi both are from each other due to. their love of shou.you. and thus. reflectionally. each other. oboro: his students are burning with hatred. <- IS HE STUPID?

and second question. upon reflection, looking at this grown ass man thing. do we have a classic ninja turtles adult beefing with teenagers situation. please tell me yes i will roast this man to shit.

(sugi also say gay twisted identity shit) [impact image font] we are. we are going to beat you to death.

[ending bumper comedy thing] u cannot deny their commitment to the bittism. need this shit for my annoying nitpick continuity fandoms. yeah no it was cause he pooped his pants. he shitted and farted.

[artdcnaldson]

aaaurrrrr i’m back to make stepbro patrick suffer <333

thinking about the fact that patrick called art in the first place for the same reason you showed up at his door, to get close to the one person who’s had both of you because you’re so convinced you can’t have that with each other. thinking about the aftermath of patrick staying on that call, listening to art fuck you, the object of his deepest desire, while you begged for him. he can’t even be upset with art for touching what isn’t his (he chooses not to unpack who his brain thinks you belong to) because for a second he could almost imagine he was the one fucking you, that you lived in some distant universe where no lines existed between you to cross. he’s not even angry when art calls him the next day, after you’ve run back to your dorm with your tail between your legs, and pretends like it didn’t happen… patrick would like to think art is giving him an out, not being a smug little bastard (he is), when he says, “shit i must have answered in my sleep… why’d you stay on the call for so long, pat?”

and patrick fucking caves. it’s his turn to beg now. to ask how you felt, what you tasted like, what you looked like when you cried out his name as you came on art’s cock. he can’t help it, it’s like the dam has broken and art, ever the good friend that he is, spares no detail. he relays all the gory details, even lets himself get worked up again at the memory. because you really were so good. “you’re stronger than me, man. her pussy is fucking perfect, i don’t know how you’ve stayed out of it for so long.” he’s already breathless as he says it, fishing his dick out of his boxers. “i’ll tell you everything, but on one condition.”

“fuck- anything! what do you want?”

“touch yourself with me. fuck your fist like you want to fuck her and I’ll tell you everything you wanna know.”

shame fills a pit in patrick’s stomach, coils around his neck and chokes the air from his lungs, but he can’t stop himself from fisting his cock as art speaks. they stay on the phone for even longer than the night before, until they’ve both rubbed their dicks raw and covered their hands and stomachs in cum. art thinks that’s the end of his middle man duties, that he’s finally broken the seal, but then patrick doesn’t call you for two weeks. he’s wracked with guilt, can’t even think about you without getting hard, let alone talk to you. he thinks distance will help, that he can move on, he’s gotten it out of his system. it’s torture. he’s fucking up his matches, he’s going insane not being able to talk to you and hear your comforting voice telling him it’ll be okay.

he doesn’t cave until you leave him a teary voicemail asking why he won’t answer, if you did something wrong. you apologize for whatever it is you’ve done and he can practically see the look on your face. he calls you back immediately and you pick up, but you don’t say anything. all he hears are your soft sniffles and hiccuped sobs on the other end of the line, as he tries to apologize without saying why he avoided you in the first place. he’s hurt you and it makes him want to die. despite his better judgement screaming at him not to, he says he’ll visit soon. what could go wrong with a little visit… right?

(alternate ending: you Don’t pick up the phone when he calls you back…. ohhh the painful possibilities…. oh noooo) <333

OHHHHHH

Patrick wants to die a little bit after he hears you fuck Art. It was good, really, that you were with someone else, wasn’t it? But god, you’d been moaning for him, crying for his cock, wishing it was Patrick fucking you.

He just needs to know what you’re like. Needs to know how you feel when your pussy is clamping down on Art’s cock, how wet you felt, how wet you sounded. How does your skin taste? He’s licked your hand before, when you clamp a hand over his mouth, he’s bpitten down on your arm while you were playfighting— he thinks he knows— the salt of your skin, the way you naturally taste sweet on his tongue.

Of course Art wants to help— wants him to jerk his cock to the thought of you, wants to corrupt the last bit of innocence Patrick associates with you in his brain. Wants wires crossed and feelings muddled. Patrick’s cock is overstimulated, aches to the touch but he keeps going as Art mindlessly babbles about how tight you are, how you clenched around him any time he said Patrick’s name, how you got to his dorm soaking wet after just a fucking phone call.

Imagine what she’ll be like once you have her for yourself, man. Fucking dripping for it.

His night ends with cum splattered all the way up to his chest, matting his chest hair as it dries. Art’s panting, mumbling about how much he misses Patrick, how much better it would be if they were together again. Everyone. That Pat should just come to Stanford, that you both miss him so much, that you really need him here. “When are you coming home, Patrick?”

Home is a funny word. It used to mean the big sprawling estate in New England and quietly shutting himself off in his room. Then it was wherever Art was— their messy, cluttered dorm at the tennis academy or a shitty hotel at one of their tournaments. He hated going home, especially after the divorce, and then when his siblings moved out for college, to fit into the perfect mold that the Zweig family expected of him. They felt like strangers anyway— they all grew up in different schools in different states, barely even talking when their lives intersected for holidays.

And then you were there— in the hallway down the room that used to be a guest room. You painted the walls pale pink all by yourself— lugged the gallons of paint up, dragged all your shit into the hallways and just fucking did it. And he wanted to hate you so bad— you were a stranger in his home, bugging him constantly, like a fucking gnat in his ear. Stealing his cigarettes, stealing his clothes, squeezing your presence into every facet of his life until you just Were his life.

He couldn’t look at your room when you were gone, when your things were packed for school and it just left a fucking shell of you behind— pretty pink walls, posters of movies and bands you like wilting like dying flowers. The first night you left, when he still hadn’t left for the tour, he slept in your bed. It smelled so sweet, like you, like your shampoo and perfume, and he breathed it in until he felt dizzy.

He misses Art. He misses You. Home stopped being in New England, and it probably never had been to begin with. It was always going to be wherever the two of you were. He can have Art. He can always have Art, but he can never have you. Even though he wants you, even though you want him. How can he risk ruining something so good? How can he expect you to be with him when it’s wrong, and it’s bad, and no one would fucking get it?

When are you coming home, Patrick?

“I, uh… I don’t know—“ Patrick hangs up the phone and stares at the ceiling, passes out in his own sticky mess.

His entire being craves you. He wants to fuck you the way he heard Art get to— the way Art had described. Needs your legs wrapped around him, tugging him in closer, deeper. He wants to kiss you so bad, like he had in the pantry during Thanksgiving, only better. Wants to feel you open up for him, soft and pliant, wants you to have him in every way you shouldn’t.

Distance. He needs distance. He’s more than an ocean away, it shouldn’t be that hard. He stops calling and he feels that tie severed like a stab wound, constantly aching and bleeding out. Two weeks passes of him replying to your texts with one word, if he even does at all. He doesn’t call, doesn’t try to talk to you. It’s torture. He keeps losing matches, and he just wants to call you, to hear you tell him that he’s not a horrible fuckup, that he isn’t going to waste his life playing tennis, that you’re proud of him.

The Friday after the tournament ends, after he’s fucked it up in the quarterfinals and blew his shot of actually winning something, he gets a call from you. Ignores it like he usually does, even though it makes his chest ache. But this time you leave a voicemail, and he has to tuck himself away in an alleyway outside of a bar to hear your voice.

And you’re crying, of course you are. All sniffly and upset, asking if you did something to make him mad at you. “Did Art tell you something?” You ask over the phone, all watery and through tears. “I thought you— I don’t understand, Patrick. Help me understand. Just stop ignoring me, please.” The line clicks, goes dead.

He has a week and a half before his next tournament begins. A chunk of time he should be spending training, getting himself ready to go in and dominate the competition. That’s how things were supposed to go— he was top ranked in the junior boys division, so why the fuck was he so terrible now?

He should be focusing on the game. His dad let him know that with each call telling him the direct deposit into his account cleared. He’s distracted, he’s sloppy, he’s so fucking disappointing.

“If you need incentive, Patrick, this money can dry up fast. You may have something to win for when you don’t know where you’re going to sleep if you don’t.”

You don’t answer when he calls you back. In the morning, you text back and apologize for the voicemail and explain that you’d been drinking with Art and you couldn’t even remember what you’d said. He didn’t believe you.

He books his flight back home.

[zombielesbean]

I know bronies were a thing and all but how come every time I watch a my little pony video it's just by like. some guy

also I just watched one of said videos and it was about how like, G5 seems to have been prematurely cancelled and they're making new plans for 2026, so they were like "that could mean no new pony content for an entire year... which will suck" and I can't help but just be like... ohhhhhh noooo

not the ponieeees

how will we ever live??

just the one two combo of the video being by an incredibly generic guy and acting like not getting more generation 5 MLP for a whole year is some kind of tragedy was a hell of a thing to me lol

[nortism]

doctor who liveblog pt 39

s7 ep13 nightmare in silver

- classic heads poking out the door one by one

- i’ve not seen classic who but that guy looks the amalgamation of all their doctors

- always the fucking cybermen

- hello warwick davis

- obviously they’re gonna wander off

- uh oh cyberman

- uh oh cyberbugs

- uh oh the cyberman got the little kid

- no blowing up this planet is good advice tbh

- uh oh half cybermen.

- uh oh he got cybered

- they really need a new companion handbook so clara can get how serious cybermen are

- oh that is quite a few cybermen

- oh no the most thing didn’t work

- porridge is the emperor?!

- i think i would have taken him on up on the marriage proposal

s7 ep14 the name of the doctor

- ayyy gallifrey

- oh the first doctor hello

- omg all the classic doctors

- impossible girl lets go

- MADAME VASTRA!!

- RIVER!! i’ve been wondering where she got to

- trenzalore sounds like an anti depressant

- JENNY?!!?!::)/£ NOOOOOO

- oh i don’t like these guys

- what do u mean an ex, u guys just got married??

- uh oh he’s crying, this is unsettling

- oh shit we’re going to the doctor’s grave

- the tardis always the most sensible person around

- oh giant tardis

- hello river

- RIVER’S GRAVE?!

- yay jenny

- oh this fucking guy again

- this is not good

- JENNY NOOOO

- strax omg

- omg clara no

- oh she said the line

- goodbye river

- ohhh the leaf

- this whole name business feels very much like a trans allegory

- hello john hurt as the doctor

mini episode - the night of the doctor

- i’ve been told there’s other mini episodes but this is the one that’s on iplayer

- not sure i got that but crazy stuff

the day of the doctor

- ooh the old intro

- she’s a teacher now??

- WITH BILLIE PIPER???

- also hello david tennant or whatever

- hello billie piper??

- is this meant to be rose?!

- wait she’s the conscience??

- ohhhhhh

- i forgot he married elizabeth i

- oh hello painted david tennant

- david what has happen to your hair?!?

- this is so silly

- uh oh zygons

- jack harkness mention!!

- NO CLARA!!

- yes then clara !!

- that’s a lot of dead children

- ofc the door was unlocked

- ALLLL THIRTEENNNNNN

- oh this is hype as hell

- ohhh the war doctor turning into nine

- i think i supposed to know who the curator is but i don’t

- that was a crazy crossover, i loved it. i just wish eccelston didn’t hate being the doctor bc i would have liked it if all three of them showed up

the time of the doctor

- oh yes fake dating subplot

- ohhh gallifrey

- oh great the silence

- the tardis should work by remote

- oh great the wall crack

- shitttt trenzalore

- oh he pulled a the parting of ways on clara

- how has he aged??

- oh he’s only got a finite number of lives, like a cat

- not again, poor clara

- oh he’s old old

- oh bonus regeneration power

- that’s not peter capaldi??

- oh he’s still cooking

- aww amelia

- AMY 😭😭

- oh the bow tie

- PETER CAPALDI!! i hope he treats clara better bc my girl has been through the wars

- tragic we didn’t get to see him looking awkward in the bow tie, that’s always my favourite part of each regeneration

[gothighunicorntolerance]

My TADC reactions (under the cut):

WHY SHE WIBBLY

OH FUCK????? Girl has attachment issues holy shit

Ragatha bisexual fingerguns

They’re going to Canada?

Bubble is a FREAK

“So our entire existence is just LARPing?” Pomni is a ficking NEEEEERD

Bubble nicotine addiction?

Caine is god seems like it’s played for jokes but I feel like there’s crazy lore implications here

Oh that key is absolutely falling into the wrong hands

Uhoh we’re having moral dilemmas with maple syrup?

SUBMISSIVE AND AGREEABLE??????

Oh these gummy gators are delightful

Oh Ragatha does NOT deserve this impaling

Kinger is once again so scrimblo I love him

Hey what the fuck where is this poor gummy gator being sent to

Ohhhhh poor gummy gator is getting Magnus Archive’d

Why does Jax know all these references? Like Augustus Gloop?

The Fudge is just your average tumblr user I love this guy he’s such a freak

OHHHHHH GUMMY GATOR

YEAAAHAHHHHHH CATAPULT TIME WHATS WITH ALL THE TEAPOTS

NOOOOOOOOO THE FUDGE :((((((((

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GUMMIGOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO FUUUUUCK NOOOO

reminding us to stay hydrated at least :’)

Rip Kaufmo I bet you were a real one

[catnipaddictt]

BABY BABY BABY OHHH LIKE BABY BABY BABY NOOOO LIKE BABY BABY BABY OHHHH THOUGHT YOU'D ALWAYS BE MINEEEEE BABY BABY BABY OHHHHHH

You are my favorite Justin Bieber fan 🫶🫶 BABY BABY BABY OHHHHHH

[restlesschilled]

TMagP 010 reaction

Note: I am a backer, so this was originally written on March 12, and posted on March 14

without further ado

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

TITLE

is this a Saturday night live situation of more of a Saturday night fever

DEDICATION

ah the good old talking about the magnus archives to people who dont listen and sounding insane... absolute mood

IM SO FUCKING EXCITED

CASE

BONZO

BONZO BONZO BONZO

nigels sos

Mr.Six sounds like a fun bit EXCEPT IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS SHOW

Berried/buried

the laugh track is so unnerving

this is horrifying

IM SORRY HE BROKE HIS ARM???

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HAZING RITUAL

TORMENTORS IN THE DUNGEON

the music

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THE BONZO BUTCHER

BONZO SKIN SUIT????

IM SHAKING

"in the edgier parts of the internet" Gwen lol

3 murders

POST CASE

colin

dont hurt celia

celia call lena

hes not suppose to be there

ALICE AND SAM DOING A THING IN A PLACE

raining... lovely and ominous

"its saturday night and im choosing to hang out in a hole with you"

"a wet hole and not the good kind either" ALICE MY LOVE

key

GWEN

HERE WE GO

gwen please be safe

WHATY

WHAT

GWEN

BONZO

GWEN

BABY GIRL

OMG HES COMMITING THE MURDERS

FOR THE OIAR

GWEN MY POOR BABY

GET OUT OF HIS HOUSE

CUT BACK TO SAM AND ALICE

samama "noodle arms" khalid

"little baby shrimp sam routine"

"well we tried come on"

ARE YOU TELLING ME IT WAS MUFFLED CAUSE IT WAS BEHIND THE DOOR

someones office i guess

ARCHIE

"archipelago"... sam

SHE SAID IT

SHE SAID THE THING

"ARCHITECT.... ARCHIVE"

WORMTRACKS

SYMBOLS OF ANCIENT OTHERWORLDLY POWER

ALICE

SHE HAS TO KNOW... AT LEAST SUBLIMINALLY

SOMEWHERE IN HER MIND SHE KNOW

"theres my baby shrimp"

THE PINNING

BANG

DOOR

OH NOOO

OHHHHHH NOOOO

I THINK WE FOUND RED CANARY

OR JONAH

OR THE ARCHIVIST

CREDITS

Beth Eyre Played [ERROR]

Mr Bonzo was uncredited

[the-nysh]

Trigunbookclub vol1-2 reread and OHHHHHH god this one's gonna Hurt ;o; (spoiler alert: I already feel DISTRAUGHT like I've been hit by a truck; here we go again with the incoming Emotional Damage~)

See, because if in vol1 Vash asked Rem in his dreams his ongoing existential question: how people in such a terribly dry world aka his waking reality found reasons (hope) to keep on living

"...Rem. I had this dream. Everything was so terribly dry...even people's hearts. In a world like that...I kept asking myself, why people would go on living."

And then after experiencing the Sand Steamer incident, where everyone's Doomed 'ticket' on that ship could be changed and course-corrected with the help of people working together to survive this, he feels a closer understanding towards her beliefs in humanity's hope & potential, and more of those answers towards what it means for people to go on living.

"Maybe...this is what it means for people to go on living. This must be what she believed...why she traded her life for everyone else's."

...But then in vol2 we suddenly violently understand WHY he kept on asking himself that question....

BECAUSE, for all this time, his ONLY reason that's kept HIM going so far (driven with one purpose despite how Hard and dry it's been to live) has been to find & settle his score with Knives. ;o; THAT fiercely angry & resentful, too.

"[Finding Knives is] the the one thing that has kept me living for so long. I must send him to hell! That monster killed Rem! It's time for him to pay for his sins! He's mine!"

But whoaaaaa there, oh noooo Vash sweetie....just what would Rem think of that? Surely her sentiment and sacrifice for the chance that Everyone else could even have a 'blank ticket' future applies to both you and Knives too, right?

"I made a promise. And if I put out the light of even one life, I don't think [Rem] would forgive me."

Because now! Wouldn't Vash's promise to Rem be broken, and wouldn't she become terribly sad (including her whole belief & legacy she's left behind), IF either he or Knives were excluded from that? Would she even be happy if her boys died or ended up killing each other TOO? D:

OR can Vash absolutely not even See Himself (& Knives) as part of that same equation as those (other people humans) whose lives are Worth saving----

"Rem...we were no good...right from the start... [Maybe] we...I...should never have been...born..."

...!!!!!!!! ;A; *gasp* OH MY GOD VASH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!! Aaaa, that's the painful extent of how little he values himself and his life's worth--hating that of what he is, with the terrible destructive power he's capable of and does not want, so much to the point he regrets ever being born.

Bonus: and then all of a sudden his daily pondering at breakfast (vol2 omake: 'Day In Day Out'), where he thinks he can't ever really live like a normal person, hits with terribly upsetting clarity:

[cr4zyoosh]

Oh… My… God…

Spoilers Ahead for EverymanHYBRID.

I just finished the fourth video of Night Minds Explaination of EverymanHYBRID…

I am… absolutely… FLABBERGASTED. If you know… you very much KNOW. ABSOLUTELY. I’ll say two words… for one of EMH’s videos…

“WAKE UP”

BUT NOT ONLY THAT…

THE VIDEOS AS WELL SUCH AS

“:D” & “MOVING IN”

OH MY GOD.

I KNEW… ABOUT YA KNOW… EATING CHILD THING BUT SEEING IT, HEARING IT, KNOWING IT WAS STEPHANIES AND EVANS… OHHHHHH MY GOD. GUT-WRENCHING. ABSOLUTELY HAD MY JAW DROPPED, I COULDNT EVEN SOB.

NEXT THING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS QUITE LITERALLY WHY DOESNT THIS SERIES HAVE A OCSAR? GENUINELY. MAYBE NOT A OCSAR, AN AWARD. PLEASE.

I have NEVER EVER felt so… horrified, anxious, etc. while watching this series, yet felt so damn Mesmerized, so damn… what’s the word… absolutely shocked at how creative this fucking was. I HAVE NO LITERAL WORDS.

SAME ABSOLUTELY GOES FOR MARBLE HORNETS, ALL OF THEM BOTH FROM THE SERIES KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND HOW JUST SHSHSHSHHSSHSHSHSHSSHSH IT IS.

BUT EMH HITS ME SO MUCH DIFFERENT NOW AND I HAD NOOOO INTENTION TO WATCH IT YET. UNTIL NOW. OH MY FUCK.

Absolutely shocked, absolutely flabbergasted. I love it. SO MUCH.

I cannot wait, to be finished with it THEN watch the slenderverse documentaries. Like truly, truly this gives me more and more creativity and motivation. Oh my god.