#ok but i cant wait to make more gay people art next year with you guys

[c10v3r]

happy new years ii community !!!!!!! my new years resolution is to be more silly

[gontagokuhara]

WAIT WAIT WAIT BEFORE THE UPDATE HITS CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE MAKOTO AND JUNKO "LORE" BECAUSEEE💀💀 EVAN CAPTORVATING MADE THE JOKE(?) TOO AND I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS 💀💀💀 LIKE WYDMM

OKAY ISTG THIS IS MY LAST "LORE ME UP" ASK BC I CANNOT KEEP CONSUMING YOUR CONTENT W/O GIVING YOU MY MONEY FOR IT I LITERALLY NEED YOUR COMMISSIONS TO OPEN BUT IM WAITUNG UNTIL THE END OF POINTY OBJECTS💀🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 (there's not a flag to wave for the pointy objects nation so I'm just waving the gay flag it's basically the same thing)

THIS MADE ME GIGGLE SO BAD IN THE MIDDLE OF WORK HELP 😭😭😭 oh i’m so excited for this chapter to go up EXPLANATIONS BELOW ‼️

ok. so. generally i’ve had the finer plot details of pointy objects nailed down and mostly unchanging though i Will add or go into more detail on certain things if i get the inspiration. so like pointy objects is Locked In. but sometimes the opportunity for shenanigans presents itself (and evan beckons me successfully to the dark side)

he is my Kokichi Correspondent but as the previously posted chapter makes abundantly clear. there’s another character that evan is a Knower Of that i humbly request his massive brain’s opinions on. enter junko enoshima. i will have very much more to say AFTER chapter twenty-seven goes up but for the sake of addressing the messy ex naejunko allegations:

…it started as a joke. still Mostly is one. but i have spent HOURS in recent months watching and listening and playing junko’s voice lines over the course of the series to get a Feel for her and her preoccupation with makoto intrigued me. evan’s art of the two of them cosplaying as their rival ocs also tipped me in this direction. they’re just so sillayyyyy makoto wants to fix her and junko wants to make her worse and they kiss about it until they start slap-fighting. it’s deeply unserious to me and i love it

so in terms of pointy objects: this is of the more Open-ended things, and i’m thinking the next couple chapters will allow people to come to their own conclusions. i, personally, think it’s very funny and silly to imagine po!naejunko are very, VERY distant exes who still have some major tension. i also think joking about all of the big five being messy whores and passing makoto around like a blunt (<- creds to evan for this one) is SUPER funny. it is equally acceptable to me to 1) consider this canon thousands of years in the past or 2) ignore this entirely and think of them how you see them presented in the text of pointy objects itself. MUCH more can be said on this next time <3

which i DO ENCOURAGE (though do not pressure) ALWAYS AND FOREVER i am obsessed with this fic. these characters this lore the story Etc Etc. its my baby in the same (if not more intense) way that my first big hitter fic ‘jump’ is. and if given the chance i will talk about it forever so comments/asks/questions/theories about pointy objects always make my day i love people being invested in something i am really proud of and love very deeply

so cider SNIFFS!!!!! i’ve told u over and over how grateful i am for you and your support and your engagement and all around loveliness and you are not even the first person to bring up paying for pointy objects and it makes me WEEP EVERY TIME!!!!! I’VE BEEN SOOOOO NEGLIGENT OF COMMISSIONS I WANT TO SO BAD I’VE JUST BEEN BUSY AND KEPT PUTTING IT OFF 💔💔💔 i snuck this into my faq a little while ago but to Anyone interested commission-wise in the meantime while i get my shit together. dm me 😏 i do need to get commission info finalized and OUT it’s not even funny. inshallah it will happen eventually

[quackspot]

i started thinking about that gay bastard oc of yours. platano. can u tell me about him

omg u wer thinkgin about platano..... mr banana man... mr 4011. i am obsessed with the banana code srry i just got back from work (it was good :-D)

any way. um. im going below the cut. he kidnaps people and he murders people and i hate him because he’s also a massive weeb so. hm

HISTORY OF PLATANO... yea his name is spanish for banana

his father, pablo, will probably get a name change someday but i literally never think of his father since the only thing he did in platano’s backstory was disappear 

since platano’s world has characters based off like. fruits and vegetables (there aren’t really any limit to what the characters are based off of. it was in my lazy google translate name phase so we have like... a gay character named arcenciel who becomes dadlike through my powerful canon-changing touch. also arcenciel wears the colors of the rainbow as often as he can i haven’t figured out a good design for him since i’m not used to using more than 5 colors. he also owns a hat factory)

i think arcenciel and platano are friends they met when platano was like. 17 probably and arcenciel would be around uhhhhh ummmmmmm 21??? idk man but in canon he’s probably around 30 . yes i m saying “in canon” because i wrote a really dumb and horrible story back in 2018 arcenciel used to have HUGE internalized homophobia and i turned that into a running joke and i dislike that so that’s a reason why i’m not sharing the fun little story i wrote for my friends

(the best part of that story is when arcenciel threw his light-up rainbow heelies at platano, thus starting the boss fight which the main cast LOST.)

ok back to the topic at hand. platano.

i have a whole doc named platano where i just wrote drabbles about him so i’m going to summarize them

the first one was his friend, percisi (my only cishet oc he’s very short and very aggressive while also dressing in a soft-colored turtleneck since he’s based off of peaches) using a misunderstood form of satanism to summon satan. guess what percisi and platano summoned satan for. it was a manga update! wow

i won’t say the mangas name it was an inside joke

so platano was like “hey satan can i have this manga now please please” and satan went “sure just kill people for me” 

that determined platanos job for the next 7 or so years <3 wonderful. 

(it was basically me writing a backstory for a scene to happen in the main writing i wrote for my friends. he killed someone because someone else in the building was trying to summon satan. very confusing but okay i guess.)

i think right after that i wrote about platano meeting his boyfriend, sage, for the first time. i have horribly mixed feelings about their relationship since it’s very. Hm.

so platano kidnaps people to watch anime with him because all his friends left him and his best friend, mangue, is too busy being a dictator over the Land of the Fruits. i shit you not fruits oppressed the vegetables. i wrote that dynamic between the two because i was learning about the revolutionary war in US History. something like that at least

(the Land of the Fruits is not the official name)

on the topic of kidnapping people. guess who his favorite person was. sage. it was sage. so he tried to take sage often but they probably discussed Proper boundaries since everyone else tried to run away. hmm i am now going to write a bit right now 

“Platano,” Sage started. “Why do you keep kidnapping me? It’s rude and I hate it.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” The yellow-haired fool leaned on his sword, digging the tip deeper into the ground. 

“ASK ME IF I WANT TO HANG OUT??” 

“I can do that?”

“You keep making my dads worried.” Sage looked around the area, fidgeting with his hands. 

“Oh. Okay. Want to hang out? Watch some anime?” Platano paused for a moment, but managed to say “Maybe kiss?” before Sage got to answer.

“I- KISS??? We can watch anime together. We can go now.” 

Sage ushered Platano through a portal as fast as he could. 

His dads were never worried.

hmmm maybe that’s alright idk i’m a little tired so it’s probably a little out of character. sage probably isn’t that loud but i think it was trying to be the dynamic of “oh, we’re not dating” when they kiss every sunday at 5 pm by a romantic river scene 

he’s a character who is, at his very core, horrible and bad. he is portrayed in a way i DESPISE but i’m too lazy to correct it. his interest in sage actually started with me going “hmm i think platano would draw sage like this” then sauce giving me fun facts about his oc, sage, yea sage is sauce’s oc <3 epic win . so sauce gave me fun facts about sage and i was like “time to doodle these in platanos ‘art style’” when in reality it’s just the mockery of people just getting into an anime art style, with the chin so pointy it could cut a cake 

i might reread my old writing from 2018. i gotta agree with the judges for that year i did not write very well

it mightve actually been made in 2017 which would be FUCKIN CRAZY im gonna check rn 

yea it was started in 2018. february 14th... huh . finished it completely in june of that year it was 41 pages total and it’s not even double spaced how did i write something without double spacing it

OH MY GOD BOB IS GOING TO HIJACK THIS RANT JUST FOR A LITTLE

so bob is a fluffy little anthro cloud with a grey top hat and bowtie. he is amazing. i love bob. bob is another one of sauce’s character and mangue (mentioned earlier) was made by my friend jamie 

(you can always ask for their tumblrs but i’d ask them if its okay to share their tumblrs. i might just look at them and reblog their stuff cuz i like their art!!! maybe jamie posted a drawing she made recently on her blog but tbh i don’t think she would she’s more of a twitter user)

ok so im skimming thru UMG which is the story it stands for “Universe of Magic Gardens” and it was originally made for a prank on ponytown so people would go “what’s UMG” and my friends and i would be like “ur mom gay xDDDDDD” or something like that . horrible but i’m glad i’ve changed from . that.

here’s a bit i actually like AKLJFISJFIO

“What the actual FUCK, Ilkie?!” Arcenciel cringed in fear. “Put it back- it’s too ugly.” He pointed at Platano, whose arms were crossed. 

why is it bolded. anyway.

i just saw a part where eau used y’all... water cowboy moments <333 i really need to make refs for all of those old characters. all of my umg-related characters have to be my oldest-living ocs. 

i cant believe this is making me genuinely reread my old writing just to go “WJHFSIDAJKSFIOJ WTF????” 

some of the lines on it sound like something you would hear on like. a school bus or somethin 

looking at umg like “wtf how did i add so much Meat to this writing” bc most of my writing now is mostly quotations to progress the story (like the quickie i wrote earlier. i could add meat to it but im  tired lol)

OK THIS IS MORE GENERAL BUT MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS WAS WRITING HAIKUS FOR PORTALS. after you visit a place enough times it’s kind of just an instinct to open a portal there so you don’t have to recite a haiku 

uhh ok here’s another bit becuase im feeling like living la vida loca.  ur biggest regret should be “can you tell me about him” by this point bc i’ve written too much to go back now

He landed on his face once he was outside of the hat. Meko quickly walked over to the guest room, opened the Portals for Dummies book, and flipped to a page. It looked devious.

“Banana, mango,

Each tasting amazingly.

A taste of evil.” 

Meko did the dance on the page, it consisted of something that looks like it’s from an anime. A portal opened, the familiar scent of bananas and mangoes coming from it. With some hesitation, Meko stepped in. He quickly made it so only his head peeked in.

it wasnt bolded this time but i like it bolded. ok i understand how i added meat it was just shitty expired meat ALKFSJSHDAIUJKFEIODSJAK . it wasnt even that much meat DAMN. it just looked like more.

actually that’s all i will write. i could  do more w platano but yea at his base he is a blonde twink who kills people because he wanted a manga but now he’s friends with a dictator. woo! wow. amazing character writing. i cant wait to get motivation to rewrite everything and make platano a good villain (he will still be very interested in anime sadly. idk why around that time i liked making characters who were obsessed with anime i didn’t even watch it much myself. i think it was because i wanted to put capes on them)

[natto-axolotl]

everyone's dojng this so

@aquatic-turquoise - BRO IM NEVER FONNA FORGET JULY WHERE YOU SAID HEWWOW TO ME. YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE THAT FALKED TO ME IN SHMEEPS AND IM NEVER GONNA FORGET THAG. YOURE SO FUNNY AND AWESOME AND JUST A GREAT FRIEND OVER ALL GODSPEED YOU FUNKY KATSUMA

@jackie-from-the-seafloor - BRO BRO VRO VRO VRO!!!!!!!!! I LOOKED HP TO YOU REALLY EARLY ON AND NOW THAT WERE IN THE GC AND GOOFING OFF IT FEELS LIKE A FEVER DREAM!!!!!!! YOURE SO NICE AND FUNNY AND I REMEMVER BRINGING UP SCP AND TALKING WITH OUT ABOUT IT!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT UCKING NEW YEAR YOU TIMETRAVELLING LOBSTER

@jsab-fujii - YOU :thot:. BRO IM NEVER GONNA FORGET WHEN I POSTED TAYLOR AND YOU REACTED THAT WAY YOU MOTIVATE ME TO KEEP DRAWING JSAB SHIT AND GOOFING OFF YOURE SO FUNNY AND CHILL AND YOURE ALWAYS A SHOULDER TO CRY ON ITS INSANE HOW AWESOME TOU ARE SO HAVE A HAPPY FUKEING NEW YEAR YA SWUARE (hugs you)

@pixxstix - PIXSTIX YOU WONDERFUO GREMLIN (HIGHFIVES AND GIVES YOU CANDLE) PLAYING SKY WITH YOU IS SO FUCKING CALMING AND NICE AND EVEN AFTERR SHIT WENT DOWN THE SQUAD'S STILL TOGETHER AND WERE GONNA BE OKAY!!!!! YOUR ORIGINAL SHIT IS SO INTERESTING AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHERE IT GOES!!! SO (holds your hand and jumps into GW spiral) HAPPPPY NEWW YEAAAARRRRRRE

@pure-innocent-disaster-two - KATE KATE KATE KATE KATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR JSAB SHIT IS SO FUCKING INTERESTING ANF COOL AND EVEN THEOUFH THE AAAU IS PROBABLY DEAD IT WAS STILL SO COOL ANDDRAGGED ME INO ACE ATTORNEY!!!!!!! PLAYING SKY WI TY YOU IS ALSO JUST SO CALMING AND NICE AND FLOAING ABOUT GW.....SHIT MAY HAVR GONE DOWN BUT WERE STILL IN ONE PIECE AND THAT'S WHAF MATTERS!!! SO GO, ONWARDS TA LITTLE MUSIC NOTE!!!! HAPOY 2020!!!!! (hands u a candle)

@myserbale - MYS YOU FERAL GREMLIN,,,,,,YOUR ART IS HONESYLY SO GOOD AND MAKES ME GO HHHHHHHH AND IM STILL IN SHOCK YOURE A PART OF THE SKYSQUAD,,,,,,YOURE AMAZING AN HILARIOUS AND (HANDS YOU A CANDLE) WE ARE BROS....ONWARDS FLOOFBALLL

@nontoxic-markers - KNIGHT (GRABS YOU) BRO YOURE SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!! IVE SAID THIS IN MY RB BUT ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I FIRST DISCOVERED JSAB AND I CANNOT VELIECE THAG SIMPLY FINDING A FUNKY GAMR WOULD LEAD TO BEING INA GC WITH YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE JSUT HHHHHHHHAGAFSGAFSGAFSGSVSVS BRO YOURE AMAZING.,,,,,,NEVER EVER EVER FUCKING FORGET THAT!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS TWINK

@nebulanudibranch - NEBI WHERE THE FUCK DO I EVEN BEGIN I ONLY GOT TO KNOW YOU RECENTLY BUT HOLY SHIT YOURE SO NICE.....WATCING EPITHET ERASED WAS THE BEST CHOICE IVR EVER MADE AND WE JUST GOOFED OFF AND DRAGGED EVERYONE ELSE INTO IT!!!! YOUR ART IS SO PRETTY AND ICONIC AND ID JUST CRY BC YOU'RE SO NICE AND THE ANON ASK HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU FUNKY NUDIVEANCH!!!!!

@sol4r-eclips3 - BRO YOUR ART AND CHARACTER DESIGN IS SLAPPING AND THEYRE SO FUNA ND UNIQUE I LOVE THEM ALL SM,,,,,,,,,YOURE REALLY FUNNY AND ID REALLY LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER!!!! HAPPY MEW YEAR YOU SHAPESHIFTING VOID CREACGER

@hexaforce678 - HEXAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRO YOUR COMICS ARE SO COOL AND UNIQUE AND YOURE JUST SO FUN TO HANG OUT AROUND AND TALK TO AND ID LAY MY LIFE DOWN FOR KEVIN!!!!!!!!!! I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU NEXT DECADE MAN!!!!!!!

@charmed-wonder - CHARMED TOU FERAL WONDER!!!!!!!!!! YOUR ORIGINAL STORY IS SO COOL AND I REALLY WANNA SEE MORE OF IT!!!!! YOURE AN ABSOLUTE CRACKHEAD IN THE GOOD WAY AND SO FUNNY AND WONDERFUL TO TALK TO SO HUA!!!!!!

@rhyth5 - RAYNE FIRST OFF YOUR ASKBLOG WAS ALSO ONE IF THE FIRST AND IT WAS AWESOME,,,,,,YOURE SO FUNNY AND GREAT TO TALK TO AND ID DIE FOR NEXUS!!!!!! SO HAPPY NEW YEAR KING KNIGHT KINNIE!!!!!!!

@horned-slime - PHALANX!!!!! BRO THANK YOU DO FUCKING MUCH FOR DRAGGING ME INTO GAY ROCK HELL MAN!!!! YOUR ORIGINAL SERIES IS SO DETAILED AND INTERESTING AND HEARING YOU BLAB ABOUT IT US AWESOME!!!!! SO HAPPY NEW YEAR (hands u sourdough loaf)

@mother-of-thots-returns - MOT IVE ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR LIKE A MONTH BUT YOURE SO FUCKIJG SWEET AND NICE AND FULL OF POSITIVITY I CRY!!!!!!!! YOU LIFT RVERYONE UP AND YOURE JUST SO FUCKJGG NF NICE ALRIGHT (SHOVES MY APPRECIATION TOWARD GOU) HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

@dibphobic - PUR!!!!!! IVE TALKED TO YOU ABOUT OW AND LOL BEFORE AND NOW THAT WERE BOTH NECKDEEP IN SOUPDAD HELL IVE GOTTEN TO KNOW YOU A LOT BETTER AND YOURE JUST SO FUCIJG AWESOME,,,,MPUSE ART SKILLS OK FLEEK!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

@krys-lil-corner - DRAGON MOM DRAGON MOM!!!!!!!! BRO YOURE ALWAYS A RELIABLE SHOULDER TO CRY ON AND I CANT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THAT ;;W;; I CANT WAIT FOR NEXT DECADE AND WHAT IT HAS FOR US!!!!!

LIGHTNING ROUND: @maybeheir @tokyosorbet @apollysabyss @chiramire @tiny-airman @bihet-trendrr @dolleroo @iscaredspider , THE ENTIRE HELL SERVER I OWE YOU MY FUCKING LIFE, ENTIRETY OF NTM Y'ALL ARE CRACKHEADS AND ILY, SHAPES AND PEETS EVERYONE THERE IS HELLA AWESOME, ISCA'S SPIDERWEB, AND THE EPITHET ERASED FAN DISCORD

IM SO SO SO SORRY IF I MISSED YOU, BUT JUST KNOW THAT YALL ARE THE NICEST FUCKING PEOPLE IVE EVER MET AND IDK WHERE I'D BE WITHOUT YALL,

SO HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! TO A NEW START IN 2020!!!!

[the-sanders-sides]

inidan american (desi) logan

a sequel to this post because people asked for more and i decided that they shall receive (and also i love writing these)

fair warning, logans a bitter kid, and this isnt as positive and happy as romans post. ive experienced two different ways of being desi, one where i lived in fully asian and indian community and didnt even think id ever feel alone, and another where i moved to a place where i havent met another desi in like 7 years of living here in a 3 hour driving radius. in romans post i played into my first experience and how at home i felt. in the second experience, the one im in right now, i am much more bitter about who i am and not really knowing anyone who gets it anymore. so i play into that A LOT in this. so keep that in mind. (and he will get happier in a future part. m planning on making this into a series)

ok so first off. his name is logan sanders. people (mostly other indians) dont believe him when he tells them. he tells them they dont know indian history. they say they do. he tells them that the british fucked around (quite literally) in india for four centuries so of course english names would stick with that precise wording

sometimes when he’s annoyed enough and doesnt want to explain this for the millionth he defends himself with this russel peters skit (watch it, it’s hilarious) because it describes his family. to a T. 

he grew up in a community with not very many asians, and knew no indians outside his family so he felt a sort of disconnect to his culture

while his grandparents and parents would teach him about indian culture, he felt so distant from it since he knew no one outside his family who was indian, and since he didnt have any siblings or any nearby cousins to hang around with

he had visited india once but he was too young to remember it properly or too remember his cousins

the closest mandir was an hour away so that also limited the amount of indian kids/people he knew

he barely knew hindi because everyone in his family spoke english, especially in public

he felt guilty over the disconnect he felt and would always try to bridge it but would never accomplish this because it he kept losing passion since he rarely saw other people like him in the real world and in the media and he didnt see the point of trying

this all changed in eight grade when he moved next door to the Kumar family in a north indian street of some south asian blocks in an asian community

when his family first moved, the Kumar family invited the Sanders over to welcome them

it turns out the Kumar’s had a son who was the same age as logan

“hi logan! im rohan kumar! but i like going by roman instead of rohan!” 

this introduction pissed logan off 

he was seething because why would this kid who got to have an indian first AND last name change his name to an english one! why didnt he see the value of his name!

he knew right away that such a difference meant they could never be friends 

“im logan sanders, but thats all youll get to know about me because i see no use associating myself with someone as... well, ignorant, as you”

roman decides to whip out one of the swears his cousins taught him and whisper shouts “who are you calling ignorant, bhenchod?” 

 it became clear to him that this was new turf, and people on this new turf must be speaking hindi. and that he was the ignorant one if he couldnt talk in hindi. he made a vow to learn it as fast as he could to make sure this roman kid wasnt better than him

but, logan grits his teeth and says “you, and i know it must be true because you were too dumb to understand me the first time”

this evidently struck a sore spot in roman because he didnt fight back but just stalked away. logan smiled slightly, happy to have won that argument

logan asks his grandpa to teach him hindi and his grandpa gets super excited

they start lessons immediately and despite barely hearing it growing up, it’s as if his brain was made for this because he picks the language up amazingly fast and in a months time, while not able to speak back yet, he can understand most casual conversation

his first diwali in basically little india is the most magical thing ever

diwali at his old home was very quiet because there wasnt anyone around to celebrate with

everyone is so happy in this new home however. everyone is dressed up and all the houses are lit up and there are diyas everywhere and he doesnt want to admit it but the kumar’s have the best rangoli on the street and it’s because of roman and he knows roman did it because sometimes he’d stare out of his bedroom window while doing homework and have a perfect view of roman delicately working on it for two weeks

(the kumar’s front porch had been covered with tarp waiting for diwali to make sure romans precious rangoli wasnt stepped on or ruined. when it’s finally let up, everywhere where there could be art, there is. it’s insane how good at colors roman is, logan thinks)

diwali morning: 

he fights his parents because he doesnt want to miss school for diwali because americans dont have a day off for it. his parents set the clocks in the house ahead to make him think he overslept so he would skip school. (logan didnt know that his parents had submitted an excused absence form for religious reasons and that the school was very understanding. he thought it would be like his old school where he wouldnteven bother trying since he wasnt christain and the school was lkinda discriminatory)

they spend the morning in mandir and it’s nice. for once he doesnt feel different from his peers because he goes to mandir and not church or synagogue. he feels at home.

diwali afternoon:

the afternoon is spent with frantic cleaning and cooking and digging around for the diya’s that were still in boxes, packed away from when they moved

logan offered to find them all to continue with a diya science experiment he started two years prior. his theory was that the diya’s were multiplying and there were more each year despite no one buying anymore

this held true, because even though he could only find half of their diya collection, it was somehow more than the entire diya collection of two years prior. 

diwali evening:

theres a big potluck and everyone in the neighborhood is out talking to each other, looking at the decorations at everyones houses, eating samosas, and playing with sparklers. 

logan feels content

he makes a new resolve to learn more about hinduism. if this is what ti was supposed to be, then he never wanted to be away from hinduism. 

he looked at the metaphors and symbolism in everything and finally understood what his dad meant he told logan that hinduism is just science written in poetry and that string theory is written in the ancient texts

middle school in this new town is so much better than middle school in his old home. why?

a. doesnt get bullied for being a nerd

b. doesnt get called gay slurs 

c. the classes are harder 

d. much less racism

e. all of the above

soon enough, logans asking his grandpa to teach him how to cook Indian food

Logan spends the day burning dosas and making lopsided rotis

(eventually he gets the hang of it, and a he'll be cooking food for an infuriating Indian boy ;) ;) psst it's roman)

Speaking of boys

Coming out isn't an option for logan

He knows that his parents arent really religious enough to really look into hinduism and see that no, gays are not bad

But they are traditional and conservative enough to be homophobic

not homophobic as in spewing hate with the westboro baptist church at a pride parade

But homophobic as in "the gays are fine as long as they don't do it in front of me" kinda thing

So Logan stays quiet

the closet kinda sucks but i mean what can he do

it’s safer inside, and he as illogical as wishing is, he wishes that people would use their brains and realize there’s nothing wrong with gay

anyway

in school logan makes his first desi friend, who was dubbed as anxiety years ago and cant seem to get rid of the nickname and now has a whole complex about his name so logan doesnt know his name

logan and anxiety meet in the school library: logan studying and anxiety hiding

people dont like anxiety

especially non-indian kids

surprise surprise it’s an old buddy called racism, but anxiety’s story is for another time

(but even though no one really likes anxiety, whenever racist shit goes down, it has to go through roman)

so logan and anxiety become fast friends

and they make fun of roman (a+ bonding)

logan claims that roman is a hypocrite for changing his name to an english one while being so immersed in indian culture

anxiety doesnt dispute this, but says he has a past with roman

a past that involved getting stuck with the name anxiety

again, another story for another time

one day, when logan and anxiety are eating lunch they see roman destroy some homophobes who throw around the word f*g and keep calling caitlyn jenner, bruce jenner

logans chest surges

he’s all like “what?? emotions?? pride at roman?? is he better than me for being so open and standing up for what he believes in??”

gay panic basically

but logan masked it well and pushed it away

the next day roman comes to school with a pride patch on his jean jacket

logan feels like he cant breathe

logan is supremely jealous of roman.

he can be gay in peace

he can pretend not to be indian in a way that benefits him

and he’s not affected by stereotypes in the same way?? like what does this kid not have

and by stereotypes i mean

roman is the complete opposite of all indian and desi stereotypes: loud, flamboyant, theatrical

logan’s personality is exactly how the stereotypes are. he’s nerdy and likes science and math and it seems like he cant escape the stereotypes. they follow him. and he feels guilty that he likes science and math and is nerdy. 

as illogical as it is, he wishes he was different from how he is

but logan later learns that there are more than just his perspective on being desi and that every desi kid growing up faces challenges about it that are different than his, causing them to experience being desi differently

and logan will accept that, in another story at another time

for now, he’s just bitter. and as illogical as it is, he wishes the world was better

and now, i shall tag some people who asked to be tagged and some other desi’s who loved this because i feel like you guys might appreciate this too. also i love u. desi famders squad up.

@sssixeyedrunt @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @caterpiller-tea @xxxbladeangelxxx @snufflesthegrim227 @cloudchaser7 @thelowlysatsuma 

[sunfish999]

if y’all ever wanted to know anything about me... i tried

hm I’m bored (i say this as i should be doing geometry homework

1. read: probably the paladin prophecy, or the finisher (just books i’ve read like 500 times, idk about understanding but--) watch: the vampire diaries? (idk i watched the entire series in 7th grade wygonnad) or aquamarine movie? listen to: XYLO, LUME, more specifically Need Nothing by Verite 

2. bro i have no idea who they are actually but I’ve seen like 2 fanfic writers who write exactly like me and seem to think exactly like me i love that. also a reg writer? uh probably mark frost? i aspire to write like f scott fitzgerald but it never gonna happen hun (cos i wanna major in physics not literature lmao)

3. holy fuck lets pick like 3 fandoms, aight? uh first lets go w my hero academia? tokoyami ofc? next... percy jackson bich-- nico LMAO no maybe bianca? hm HARRY POTTER -- ginny prolly although i dont want to date harry (oops) The maze runner? tommy actually ;; naruto? fucKINH ROCK LEE BABE uhhhsdfhh star wars is anakin and voltron is lance (or pidge actually) i should stop buuuut yeao ok

4. i think my name is fine but i aint gonna share it here (also kinda wish my nickname was charly though thats all im gonna say ALSO yes laurel is a faux name yes 

5. human being because i do nothing. lol but yes i think that who i am as a person should be based off my actions, for it is how i act that shows other people who i am, not ‘who i am inside’ dont make fucking excuses for your actions people 

6. yea i believe in 1 god and i was raised as a catholic christian but i am accepting of all religions and views

7. i mean kinda??? idk im very polish and so i eat lotta polish food (gr8 stuff right there) but im just american so yea 

8. muscial artists, well bitch i only started actively listening to lots of music (aka spotify) like last year but i listened to ari grande when i was young ofc but i dont rlly feel connected to her. maybe like, adele? probably her yea 

9. yes i am a visual artist (preferred medium is watercolor) i looooove singing although i suck so i just do it for fun, i played the french horn for 2 years (also suck so not really lol) um i also write for fun and im good at writing informative essays (my school is big in the english program lol) i was also in 3 plays but i dislike theatre so no. also i like clothes i am a fashion artist wow

10. tf? idk? i have like 3 mottos: “if you want something done right, do it yourself” “the answer to existence is not why we are here, but how we affected others during our time here” “jack at all trades, master at none, better than a master at one “ “you don’t have to speak to be present” “consider how hard it is to change yourself and realize what little chance you have in trying to change others” “do the scary thing first, and get scared afterwards” “the very fact that you're actively looking for ways to become kinder, and attempting to understand your flaws and change them for the better is fair proof that you as a person, are kind.” OK YEA MAYBE I HAVE A CREED SO WHAT 

11. ideal day lol art, reading, and binge watching tv in bed while eating. otherwise spending the day meditating in a forest in spring where its warm but not too warm and just not speaking the entire day 

12. both. i have 3 cats and 2 dogs. love all of them dearly though i’d consider myself a human puppy vs a human kitty (im not a furry calm tf down)

13. outdoors, if you mean nature. if you just mean social activity, then indoors 

14. as i said before, i like singing even though i suck, in grade school i learned the ukelele, piano, and french horn. i remember none of that now 

15. influential books my ass. LETS GO: 1. into the wild (krakauer) 2. Fahrenheit 451 (cant remember author name but its fucking iconic and a classic and it made me think) 3. just gonna go an put harry potter because that shit changed my life 4. the hobbit? idk, iconic 5. i wanna read more literature-y books soon but whatever, i feel like i should say the great gatsby but honestly with writing my essay and everything i just dont give a shit anymore

16. ok i feel like if my parents werent as strict when i was younger id have less depression and be less stressed but then i would also care less about my grades and being kind and i like that about myself sooooo 

17. lol this is EXACTLY me guys because its fucking anonymous as hell because i know none of you (except for like 2 mutuals but ive never met them irl but they’re cool) i dont trust my friends. or family, for that matter

18. my patronus is a wolf thanks for asking; and my power animal: symbolizes instinct, intelligence, and an appetite for freedom. embody personal power and balance between self-control and animal instincts. a guide to inspire you to live more freely

19. im a gryffindor, i took the pottermore test twice and got it both times, also, i took it doing the opposite and got slytherin, so i aint them (but i love slytherin sooo)

20. fuck are you serious? honestly hogwarts would be awesome as hell but probably middle earth because it still got the magic but it gorgeous as hell 

21. yea i’d probably say i love easily since i like barely talk to my crushes and yet i think i really really like them because GODDAMN 

22. school. daydreaming. eating. phone. drawing. 

23. i feel like once i move out for college i’d like em a heck of a lot more, so probably like at least once a month? when i’m older? like at least once every 2 months? i love my extended fam though

24. oh fuck my friend from school and i fucking liked chinchillas when we were little, we always text each other the same thing at the same time, i always know what shes thinking and what the basis for her actions is. shes the bff that doesnt always act like it all the time 

25. fuck yes 

26. pansexual and PROUD but still in the closet except for the whole internet and 3 friends 

27. ok honestly i feel like i dress kinda like a basic girl just more minimalistic and modest but i kinda totally want the gays to recognize me and also i fucking want those patterned polos because hell to the yes. and also i want bangs but i do sports and i feel like id look ugly because everyone says they would (waiting til college, naturally) otherwise love my freckles and real dark eyes

28. honestly, probably like a 2-3. i don’t care SO much about what people think, but i’m fucking annoyed by really dumb things super easily. i’m just really good at hiding it so no one ever knows 

29. why music wtf OK: 1. need nothing - verite, 2. lover like me - off bloom 3. strapped - FOOL 

30. why the FUCK all my quotes are in my creed bitch lemme search :

“growing up is giving up” 

thanks for listening to my TED ED talk aaaaand i hope you know me a bit better and i hope i didn’t accidentally give away too much info and someone will come kill me ok BYE 

[heyitslapis]

Ok let's see... its been about 3 weeks since i posted last, give or take a few days. And I'll just say its been an interesting and exhausting few weeks.

Still trying to completely get over my dumbf*ck feelings for Alex. I'm not really doing a super great job at that, and still get random depressive moments that last a varying amount of time, but usually i just push my pity party to the side after about 2 minutes.

On the 3rd of June, Alex went up to see part of her family and join them on a cruise to Columbia. She said wont be back until maybe the 3rd or 4th of July at the earliest. I kinda miss her, but I feel like spending a month physically apart from her will do me some good. Her and i still snap back and fourth to save our streak and to day good morning. Whenever she cant find wifi, she turns on her dad's personal hotspot so she can send me at least one snap to keep our streak rolling (we are the longest streak we have with anyone on our snapchats, and it stands currently at 261 days.) The day after she left the streak sorta died for the day, but she was able to save it cause she was in a different time zone.

Since she's been gone, we've hired several new people at work, many if which being new hosts (thank God tbh, cause this means after theyre all done training and get a couple weeks to get used to everything i can train as a server and hopefully make a little more money). One of them is Giovanni's sister (Gio is a guy that works there. Mostly does dish, sometimes hosts.) And apparently she likes me? About a week before she started they came in to eat with their mom and after they left Gio was like "Dude, i think my sister likes you."

Hey, some random girl actually has a crush on me for the first time in my life? That's cool! Right? It would be, if she weren't 17. If i were still 18 or 19, i wouldnt really care. But now that im 20, even though we only have a 2 year and almost 6 month age difference, i still feel like its weird. I feel like im in a whole new age threshold now that ive hit that 2 decade mark, and she just seems to me like a kid. Anyway, Sammy (thats her) is bi with a preference for girls. She's very forward about asking the girls at work about their sexuality (she'll be mid convo and just be like "wait; you straight?") She makes a hobby of flirting with the straight girls, because as she says it, she can easily flirt with straight girls bc she knows she wont have a chance. As soon as she knows theyre bi or gay, she cant even really talk to them. Sammy flirts with me in excess, has asked me 3 times if im straight, or if im sure that i am (homegirl has only been here like two weeks), and the reason why is because she would happily let me break her heart, and has said thats its too bad im not gay bc if i was she would let me crush her. Also has told me that i remind her of her ex girlfriend, and when i said idk if thats supposed to be a compliment or not, she said "well i really liked her, so..." Oh and btw all 3 times shes asked, I've told her im straight (yknow, bc im not out to the irl general public) and I'll just say that having to lie outloud about my sexuality does not feel that great. Thats not something ive ever had to verbally do before, and now i understand. Tbh i dont really lie, or at least i very rarely do, bc i dont like it, and i want to be seen as trustworthy. i have told my share of lies in my day, but i feel like that was in the top 3 worst lies ive ever told. Simply because i know thats not who i am, yet im saying it anyway.

Besides that, in these last couple weeks ive:

Gotten my computer hacked and almost got scamed out of the piddly $120 dollars total that is in my bank account for me to try to live off of until next Fridays paycheck, and almost got my brother's bank account hacked (looong f*ckin story. Short version, im a gotdang fool, and people are absolute bastards), so now i cant use my computer until i get it looked at, which means no art (sucks bc i wanted to draw myself a bi pride icon)

Put in 103 hours at work in the last 2 weeks

Had our only available car break down twice

Got about half of our kitchen painted. Still need to find time to finish it

Purchased tickets for a convention, and bought almost everything i need to finish my cosplay.

Have a sore in the back of my mouth thats been plaguing me for over a week (finally starting to heal. Its been hurting to do so much as talk, much less eat or drink)

Had to deal with everyone's attitudes at work (some sh*ts going on with the moon and everyones been a pissy ass lately, and im so over it)

The pain in the ass girl at work that we've been trying to get rid of for over a year called in and quit 15 minutes before her literal last shift (Father's day) and our proprietary manager told her "its bullshit that you just found out that your other job scheduled you to work today 15 minutes before you had to come here" and "dont try to come back to this store again". Im ecstatic about it tbqh and feel a small sense of victory about the whole thing.

One of my favorite gays from work had his last shift Saturday night and im still sad about it.

It may not seem like much but its just all around every other day something else small happened to add to the weird and crazy smorgasbord that is my life.

Also bless Sammy bc yesterday was Father's Day, and because of that, i was in the building of my work at 9:45am, started working to get set up at 10, opened around 10:50, and didnt stop until about 8:50pm, 10 minutes before we closed. Our proprietary manager bought us tons of pizza and snacks in the middle of our shift so that we could all take turns having a 10 minute breather, but other than that it was non-stop work and dedication to the customer. At 9:50am my brother went to the Duncan Donuts down the road from us to get the handful of morning people either coffee or bagels or whatever they asked for. I told my brother to get me the english muffin with egg and cheese, and if they had the option, to add sausage to it. Also to tell Sammy i said hi (because she works at that Duncan also, and was there yesterday morning). My brother comes back with breakfast, hands me my food and said that Sammy made it especially for me. (At that time i was also in a bad mood bc i was tired from working four open doubles in a row, and was stressed, so that really lifted my spirits a bit. The food, and the thought that someone made it especially for me.) And i'll just say she just earned my love for the next week at least.

Anyway i think thats all for now loves. I dont have a very eventful life, but i sure do have a busy one.

[incendavery]

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

:0

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you! 

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

HA 

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits. 

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️ 

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty! 

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu​ or @wheremyscalesslither​!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk​‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!!  ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!) 

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad! 

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player! 

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be! 

hell yeah!!!! 

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh??? 

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :> 

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away! 

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you! 

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t  a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing. 

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

[mugler88]

Every Single Rupauls Drag Race Queen Ranked from 1 to 100 by David Mason You will notice as thece list goes it runs from HARSH to KIND being that we go from people who are wasting our time and perhaps not living an honest fantasy but trying to be something they FEEL they're SUPPOSED to be and talented artists who capture us as they reveal beautifully honest selves which bloom from their unconscious. The Top 25 are ICONIC GOLD and are identities who hold their own amongst all the queens. They are APEX PREDATORS and each could arguably be made number one depending on each persons values. This is MY list and therefore it reflects my values and needs. 100. Phi Phi O’Hara Shes actually the worst for being a horrible person who cant figure out why shes terrible and thats the worst part. I actually BOOED her in public when I saw her. Is it wrong to not like someone just because they were born??? I think it probably is BUT I dont like Phi-Phi because when they showed her mom her mom was like 26 and I just thought YUCK, unplanned pregnancy is just TACKY and I wouldnt have to deal with you if your mom just had the balls to own her own body and be responsible and kind to the Earth and abort you but apparently the apple doesnt fall far from the (say this in Goldie Hawn from Overboard voice) “short, fat, slut" and you come from a long line of short selfish inconsiderate people. Phi-phi is the best case as to why Planned Parenthood should be next to every McDonalds. 99. Kenya Michaels : Oh god Im disturbed by her. She was like that little doll from Trilogy of terror. I found her strong sexual identity so uncomfortable as it was just too obviously a defense mechanism from being a tiny rapeable person from a third world territory. Thats AWFUL to say but Im sorry its just what I saw. I didnt find it funny or sexy. I found it awful and cringy. Its NOT a reason to not like a person but it is a reason as to why I dont want to see her on my tv bending over and WAGGING HER TWAT at me. I dont want to celebrate her complex attempt at molestation management, Im sorry. Lets hope this is me just projecting. I know this is too much for the SECOND entry but Im just saying what I felt. I wish shed read a book instead of just GOING WITH THE SEX THING. 98. Kandy Ho: What gross name, what a skank not even a good skank like Samantha Fox, just a shitty skank. 97. Phoenix: Who? I really have to speed through this list I have to go to the gym. 96. Madame LaQueer: Id put her at 99 but I feel bad for her. Im a nice person. 95. Alisa Summers: i have no idea who this person is 94. Penny Tration: Oh fuck you for that stupid name. Get the fuck outta here. 93.Vivienne Pinay: Why did she think she was pretty or passable or fishy or WHAT? All I saw was “Hi, Can I get the lunch special? I’ll have tai Iced tea with Rad Prik Chicken and coconut soup. Thank you.” 92. Venus D-Lite: Venus is who I think of when I think of queens that dont matter. I didnt even say that to be mean. She just is. 91. Jaidynn Diore Fierce: ??? oh she was the one I think should be named PEANUT. 90. Naysha Lopez: What plane of consciousness thought this person needed to be seen? 89. Sasha Belle: Awkward entry! Rip off Mugler Chimera dress. HERES A TIP PEOPLE, dont try and copy the most amazing well made dress in the world that cost 300k to make and 900 years of 900 year old Parisian couturiers to make. I PROMISE YOUR VERSION WONT BE AS GOOD. If youre going to copy something also make sure said reference has a TEENSY bit of wiggly room for either styling OR improvement. The Mugler Chimeira dress does NOT. Stop looking at it, you cant have it. 88. Akashia: Maybe the first person to fall on the runway??? I dont know? I dont remember her exactly 87. Rebecca Glasscock: I went shopping with Ru once at Saks and a sales girl came up and said “Rebecca works here now!” Ru went from Cafe au lait to FISHBELLY faster than she could mutter... “Rebecca is here?…....now?” thank god the girl was like “Not today”… Cocoa pallor regenerated, shopping recommenced. Rebecca must have been INSANE. 86. Honey Mahogany: Who and Why and whatever…. 85. Derrick Barry: Nope. 84. Robbie Turner: I wish you were Tina Turner 83.Cynthia Lee Fontaine:The cowboy look was like a THANKSGIVING revelation that GRANPA IS A CROSS DRESSER?!?! 82. Darienne Lake: Dip into the cool water of Darienne Lake was the best thing about her and that was Rus doing so.. BYE and shes from like Rochester or some shit. YUCK mid/western New York is SKANK. 81. Ginger Minj: Just everything I don't appreciate. 80. BeBe Zahara Benet: She won season one and I think the prize was 10k and it shoulda gone to Nina. 79. Bob the Drag Queen: After the extraordinarily beautiful Violet won. The audience of sheep were put off by their inability to relate to her because they just arent as good as her so the next season they wrote the season about having a “peoples princess” win and that why we have SHITTY BOB the person who shouldnt have ever been invited. Whats WORSE and MORE ANNOYING is the LATENT worship of Violet after they realized JUST HOW GOOD SHE WAS ONCE THEY SAW BOB and Im sitting here with my fists clenched screaming YOU IDIOTS THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT?!?!?! Bobs season was the worst. 78. Delta Work: Shes the drag queens drag queen. Shes too bitter for tv though. Same reason as to why Jackie Beat isnt on tv, too sour for tv, but thats ok. There is certainly somethig to have the cache of being the type of queen you have to go out to see. When she botched the comedy challenge I felt for her. I could really relate. She has the comic ability and you could just hear the inner dialogue of self sabotage running in her mind. It sucked. Thats one of my challenges too. 77. Thorgy Thor: Funny smart queen that I like. Tv isnt a format that suits her. 76. Sahara Davenport : A sweet soul. 75. Yara Sofia: Ick… The best example of LEARN TO EDIT. Her styling is THE GOOP SHOW. You know how some people just have BAD VIBES? I just dont want her around me. I dont see her vibes swirling in a direction I wanna head towards. I kinda hate dreads, Id lie and not say it to sound cool but there just unsavory to me. Patchouli.. thats what I smell when I see them in my minds eye.They just make me ask.. Why do you deliberately choose to be kinda not so clean? Its some romantic notion I don't prescribe too. Im not earthy in that way. Im Earthy in a watermelons are fierce kinda way. 74. Kelly Mantle: This person is not Christine Baranski! Why are you telling me youre related to a baseball player like Im supposed to care? 73. Magnolia Crawford: ahahahahahahahahahah... that poor homosexual. He MIGHT be more disliked than phi-phi. THAT NOSE gets points.. it HAD to be a critique on nose contour right?! Does anyone ACTUALLY know her?! I feel like this might be some weird dare that a straight guy did and made it on the show. It was all so WEIRD?! 72. Jade. I really dont remember a damn thing but kinda thought she was a nice person maybe??? errr ummmm I just shrugged my shoulders to myself. 71. Lanaysha Sparks: She was quite lovely and even surprisingly talented on the craft contest but not knowing who Diana Ross is and your a drag queen is SATANISM. Poor bitch is from Puerto Rico, do you now Puerto Rico is twice as poor as the poorest state? That sucks. 70.Laila McQueen: Is this an OSBORNE CHILD?? Had she been on previous seasons she would have faired better. Seemed like a kid Id hire as an intern and could trust. 69. Serena ChaCha Oh my god Serena snook right by me?!?! AHAHAHAHAH Serena! Worst look of ALL TIME. how was SHE an art school student?! I cringed when she said that as Im an art school kiid and was like NO NO NOPE TAKE IT BACK CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! Serena was the victim of QUEEN ON QUEEN GANG BULLYING and what was worse is AMERICA BACKED THE GANG RAPE. It was like that scene in The Dark Crystal when the Skeksi looses the sword challenge and they all tear the clothes of him and banish him! Alyssa WENT IN on her….Coco even got a piece of Serena that day! Serena is lucky to be alive. 68. Jasmine Masters: Im disturbed by my own ability to impersonate Jasmine Masters. Its not THAT GOOD but its better than a 225lb Pollock should be able to do. Her Slinky worm routine makes me GIGGLE. She is ANGRY…...BLACK RAGE which I kinda appreciate in a way. I get it. I have gay rage so why cant she have BLACK RAGE?! 67. Tempest DuJour awww tempest.. We all like Tempest. Kinda funny shes a costume design teacher though no? She gave my husband a shirt and my husband wore it for her all day in Provincetown because my husband is like the sweetest person ever. I mean people were like “TEMPEST DU JOUR?!” they practically SPIT on him and he still wore it and he tagged her in the photo and she didnt even regram lolololol My poor husband, I love him so much. 66. The Princess: I made a comment about the Princess' look being shitty on Instagram once and all her fans went APESHIT. It was the two nastiest messages I ever deleted. 65. Monica Beverly Hillz I shoulda put her farther back. She was not so great. 64. Vivacious: Awwww the old battle axe of drag. I support her endaevor but her looks were so dated. I do however respect her respect for the art so… 63. Lashauwn Beyond: That name is so real. You can say she sucks but you can also say shes the spirit of drag taking you “up" so let her be. 62. Mrs. Kasha Davis: WOAH boy did she sneak by me?! She must have got here EARLY and just WAITED. She sucked so hard you kinda loved her for being honest. Kasha was like your olde gay neighbor whos taste level sucks but you respect her because she went through the AIDS crisis and is still smiling. Not even kidding. 61. BenDeLaCreme: I just did not like her. 60. Pandora Boxx: Oh god Pandora. Did you see that Unicorn video she made… bless this bitch. 59. Shangela Laquifa Wadley: Shangela was just cheap. Shangela is like the same taste level as like Paula Abdul, Mad Tv, Khols, a Sketchers Sneaker… I just never like what she does. I dont need it. Its poor person humor. Just because you say something LOUDLY doesnt make it more funny. ( as I type in CAPS) 58. Roxxxy Andrews: This poor bitch dug a damn hole… You know shes not likeable because she was shadey but she was more talented then anticipated in the creative challeges, and I thought she had nice skin. My husband HATES HER. 57. Kim Chi: One note. Refrigerator being pushed down a runway. I actually dont like her for not having the courage to be out to her parents. Its insulting to the rest of us. Buck up bitch, your mom already knows, shes known since you were 2. The fact you think she doesnt know is INSANE. Your non outness renders any talent moot. 56. Adore Delano: Thanks but Ive been to Hot Topic, NEXT. 55: Acid Betty: I don't remember much about the 00S BUT I STILL REMEMBER THOSE WIGS. 54. Courtney Act: Ok sure, but wheres the interesting part???? Her finale dress that was like rainbow hologram acetate was cool and nobody even mentioned it. 53. Trixie Mattel: I tried so hard to be nice to her in Provincetown and she was a cunt. Why are you a cunt to someone being NICE to you? 52. Coco Montrese : I could say mean shit but I wont. shes worked long and hard and deserves a clap. Shes not even a cunt. shes out of touch but shes from another world. Respect your elders. 51. Dida Ritz: Talk about out of touch. Her weird self loathing “Im a white girl” routine turned me into Jasmine Masters?! Like EWWW NO, learn to love yourself BITCH. We all know she did one of the best lip synchs ever. 50. Stacy Layne Matthews: Wait shes NOT black?!??? She was from BACK SWAMP, that gets TREMENDOUS "SWAMP CRED" She was so fat her hormones were just like "WHATEVER.. theres simply "NOT ENOUGH of us to go around?! WE DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO.. What do you wanna be today??? When was the last time youve seen your genitals because are you SURE youre still a male?? We dont know and could use some DIRECTION?!” and I appreciate that. I like people who are just like IM WHATEVER. Not everyone has to be a male or a female you know. 49. Jade Jolie: Jade is surprisingly the fishiest queen in my opinion. I saw her at the premiere party before her season started and we honestly thought she might be BIOLOGICAL. This holds some cache in an art of trying to be a woman at least SOMEWHAT. She made the unfortunate mistake of becoming Alyssas ENEMY which at the time was ACTUALLY kinda necessary because if you remember when Alyssa first started she was not the Alyssa we know and love and was kinda of a cunt who needed to get CLOCKED. BACK ROLLS has now been mutters a million times by ME ALONE and lets be honest WERE ALL now VERY CONSCIOUS of our back rolls now. I even got COOL SCULPTING and yes it worked. It works if youre like semi normal with a slight love handle or backroll but not if you have a spare tire because then its just like removing a brick from a wall, and no it didnt hurt, but get it done in Florida because procedures are cheaper there. Florida is basically LAWLESS, they also gave me a VITAMIN DRIP as I did it. That is not legal in NYC. Jade had horrible style and made what looked like NAZI MATRIX PORN but dont imagine that in a good sorta Night Porter chic Nazi way. Imagine it as a black vinyl raincoat that that greasy haired kid in high school who wasnt allowed to be a faggot because you already had that role and did it better so he sorta segued into FETISH GOTH would have and now imagine him filming himself masturbating with a NON APPLE iPhone to a Marilyn Mason poster… That was her porn. 48. Sonique: Sonique is responsible for one of the wisest self realizations to ever surface on RPDR to me. After getting the chop she said something along the lines of “Well I guess theres more to life than being better than everyone.” YUP. Stop competing, life isnt a competition. You do you and thats your challenge, forget about everyone elses storyline. 47. Mystique Summers Madison: DANGEROUS PERSON but such good TV. To me it seems Mystique has the kind of tongue that can only tell lies, which is sad because that means she thinks whatever the truth is is so terrible she has to come up with an alternative. Thats unfortunate. That said I dont want her in my home. If she lies to herself and others this means she feels she doesnt have to play by the rules and probably steals. Did I just imagine her a thief? Yes, I did. I imagined her at a party at my house slipping one of my Versace candy dishes in her pocket WITH THE SOUR PATCH KIDS STILL IN IT. 46. Gia Gunn: Gia to me really is the sorta line between the queens you care about and the queens you take the opportunity to go get a drink while they come on stage. I took my two assistants on that Drag Cruise as a present and I cant remember what exactly happened but somebodies sneakers were TEMPORARILY ABDUCTED and Gia was UNNFUCKED and SURLY ABOUT IT. Gia on the show was half gross and half awesome. I feel shed LIKE to be nice but has so much DEFENSIVE ANGER she can't. Its a mistake as shed be much more successful if she got over that. She really feels herself despite having a wonky eye, really short legs, and likening herself to Talapia and aligning herself to TIM GUNN??? Your fashion references are from TV????!… OH GURL… NO!.… I like her though. Shes a talented performer. I feel like Gia is that friend you have thats sorta like a bad dog on leash. You have to be careful with them when around kind people but theyre also helpful because theyre more than eager to be the bad guy if someone is bugging you. We all have that friend and theyre kinda fierce. 45. Mariah. Mariah walked into the room first episode and I thought DAMN shes FIERCE... and then she never looked that good again. If I was just going by tv, which Im 98% going by shed be placed lower BUT I saw her on that drag cruise and her performance was PERFECT. It was CLASSIC DRAG but executed flawlessly and she was nice when we got stuck in the elevator with her. I feel like she thinks she has to be mean or fierce or whatever when shed actually be more well received if she was the person I saw on the cruise who was down to Earth and chill. 44. Milan: Milan is one of the few New York Queens that Ive ACTUALLY SEEN OUT. These other queens im always like NEW YORK? NEW YORK WHERE?!? Im a third generation new Yorker who has lived here 18 years on my own and Ive never seen most of these queens who claim to be from NYC. Milan is nice and a talented performer. I was never into her drag because shes real STAGE oriented and real JULIARD STYLE ( I dunno if she actually went there) and thats just not my interest but she at least TRIED. 43. Dax ExclamationPoint: I feel Dax sorta made a mistake pigeon holing herself as “Queen of the nerds”, as soon as someone claims identity of something on camera queens for some reason HATE IT. I imagine its some kind of projected self loathing as gays are trained to hate themselves. Like how dare YOU assert yourself as something, you CANT do that youre a faggot. I seriously think this is the unconscious voice in 98 percent of gay guys heads and its why so many are self sabotaging or drug addicts and why there is no such thing as a gay gay icon and even kinda why DRAG EXISTS AT ALL. We cant like ourselves because straight society taught us to hate ourselves so we put it all onto a fantastic woman. Dax seems like a nice person who doesnt have that insane person need to “win” and therefore really shouldnt have been on the show as she just got used as sacrifice for hungrier queens. 42. Kennedy Davenport: Wait did I already do Kennedy Davenport because I really didnt like her??? huh I guess I didnt. Well maybe my unconscious mind liked her more than my reptile ego did and she got placed higher than anticipated. How can you hate on a hard working talent who has a retarded sister she has to support?! Jesus christ give the bitch a tip and never do less than a FIVE when tipping queens people A DOLLAR IS THE SAME THING AS A QUARTER! 41. India Ferrah: Oh god I worry saying mean things about India because I dont want to hurt her feelings as worry that she TEETERS ON SANITY but she to me is what drag is WHEN I DONT LIKE DRAG. Her “combat contour” is brutalist to the point of being vulgar. To me her styling concept is PUT EVERYTHING YOU OWN ON NOW BECAUSE MAYBE WE NEED TO RUN OUT THE DOOR AFTERWARD. I mean its the 8 foot braid with a giant bow, and the top hat, and the body stocking, and the thigh high boot, and the breast plate, now a giant necklace to cover the edge of the fake boobs, now put a spider SUCKLING THE TIT of the breastplate, oh wait I have TWO BOOBS and I NEED ANOTHER SPIDER, now add a couple jewels to the eyes of the spider OH WAIT spiders have six eyes so add four more… now what about belts, I only have TWELVE…. 40. Mimi Imfurst: OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?! She fucking CAPTURED India ferrah like some kind of MOUNTAIN TROLL?!?!? That was one of the most amazingly insane moments on TV ever! Then when Raven WENT IN on her in All Stars …omg I have that segment saved on my phone and just watch it when I need to feel “myself” again. Mimi on the cruise actually did the best read on the Michelle Visage roast. Shes smart but lets her inner voices get the best of her. We all have inner voices but I feel chubby people are chubby because the voices are louder. Im not even saying it to be a dick but it seems like with people who suffer from body issues LIKE ME the inner voices are so LOUD you can see them reacting to them on their face. Hang around me long enough and you'll totally see this. This is called being a function insane person! 39. Morgan McMichaels: Ahhh the Morgan McMonkey! Did you know shes actually Scottish, like from Scotland? That didnt come off on the show. Ok Morgan to me is interesting because as a person Morgan is just not my kinda person, she even has a SUPERMAN TATTOO and you know how much I hate Superman as to me he is the OPPOSITE OF CREATIVITY and a HERO TO SHEEP but that does NOT discount her talents. Ive seen her perform live and shes VERY good. Do I want to hang with her NO, is she a solid talent YES. I met her once and she tried to tell me she doesnt eat pork because PIGS DONT HAVE KIDNEYS. She said this while chain smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily… hmmmm. I dont even know how to organize the judgements I have. All this said I feel if Morgan was your friend you could trust her and shed definitely not be afraid of taking a hit to defend you. 38. April Carrion: She is the best example of being chopped too soon. Shes very talented and pretty and makes her own looks and I respect her abilities. She had more to offer as Ive seen other looks of hers and they were good. Too much of a shrinking violet to survive a comepetition. Shes quite lovely Im surprised she hasnt got some rich old benefactor. 37. Nicole Paige Brooks Oh my fuckin god Nicole Paige Brooks?!?!? Nicole is so important as she is SO MANY THINGS. Nicole is the ESSENCE OF REGIONAL TALENT. She is THE small town coke head faggot drag queen WE ALL KNOW. My mom would have had her on PROBATION. The spirit that has possessed Nicoles body is an ancient spirit which haunts every rural gay bar! Remember how she had the hots for Raven and also had FRECH TIP TOENAILS?!…That BODY built EXCLUSIVELY by COCAINE. Ugh.. Ive never even seen Nicole but I know her sooo well. Nicole has that IVE BEEN TO PRISON and ALSO HAVE CHILDREN and ALSO HAVE A CLOSETED BLACK BOYFRIEND vibe that is SO PURE. Nicole is the queen who marches in the regional gay pride parade wearing flat sandals and a bikini and ACCEPTS TIPS while she does it! Nicole might also work at BEST BUY when “O.D” (out of drag). and when in drag theres also the worry that she might ACTUALLY O.D. Nicole is important. 36. Carmen Carrera: Ok Carmen is from Jersey where its NOT EASY to be a gay soul. Carmen once tried to tell me its ok that straight guys call you a faggot there because its not an isult its just what you are… EEEESSSSHKKK That is some HARDCORE Stockholm Syndrome. I could say more but its none of my damn business. Im not crazy about Carmen because I think shes made some choices based on where shes from but thats none of my damn business so I’ll shut the fuck up. To me Carmen is an example of an unfortunate situation. Ive had to deal with those hardened Jersey boys as a kid and as a tender gay boy its NOT A NICE THING and it would have been easier for me if I was just a girl too. Yes shes pretty, I wish her happiness. If I was raised where she was maybe I would have killed myself. In a way she sorta did I guess but also rebirthed herself.. maybe I need to give her more credit. Im going to add this. Most of us have to deal with being a "faggot" in a straight world and deal with it however we choose. I for example fetishisize it as for me its a safe place thats at least exciting as its FIERCE to have your hot husband call you a faggot as he bangs your puss hole out. At least that way youre dealing with the anxiety in a safe place and its HOT its also a lot easier than getting a sex change, pretending it never happened, and siding with your abusers in an effort to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe Ive made the wrong choice, see instead of siding with them and changing my sex I went punk and just write horrible things about them on St Patricks day and work out a lot so I can intimidate them on the street. SIDENOTE I have NEVER had someone make an anti gay comment to me when they're by themselves, have you ever noticed that? The comments are only made when youre out numbered... fuckin pussies. 35. Jiggly Caliente: Jiggly is real. 34. Victoria "Porkchop” Parker: Porkchop must be worshipped as she was sacrificed for all our sins. 32. Ivy Winters: Nobody ever put it together that Ivy Winters looks almost identical to Grace Jones AND Jean Kasem. That is POWERFUL MAGIC. Too bad she didnt know it either because if she channeled that spirit she could have won this thing so damn easy. 31. Pearl: 31. Tatiana: The day Tati steps away from low brow nineties references and learns to kick is the day Tati advances much farther. She NEVER uses her legs and her legs are AMAZING?! I wish she woulda had the self confidence to get tougher on Raven when Raven attacked her on her season because it was so clear that Raven was operating out of total jealousy being both have great beauty but for Tati it was effortless and for Raven its four hours of incredibly skilled painting. Tati was too green to have that wisdom. If she had it…ooooohhhhh it woulda been FUHEEEEIRCE! 30. Laganja Estranja: Oh god… I dont have the mental capacity at this point to go into the psyche of Laganja…Laganja is so important. Laganja is the litmus for bad faggotry because shes ACTUALLY TALENTED, shes got an amazing body, but OH GOD shes a nightmare. You can tell her parents felt guilty and coddled and spoiled their baby gay into a place where the only way she now knows how to operate is to be a needy indulged victim. Her comedy routine with the old people was a SURREALIST MASTER PIECE. Get off drugs laganja, they dont make you cool and needing the crutch of a vice does not a personality make. 29: Jinkx Monsoon: Does anyone else remember how bad she was at the beginning of her season??? She got the ONLY edit and they spun her into a storyline where theres was no way she could loose. Ive seen this storyline somewhere and it was called PRETTY IN PINK. They basically realized she both Molly Ringwalds character AND the Ducky character at the same time and spun a storyline for her to win because they hadnt a queen like her yet. She is talented, not my kinda talent but whatevs, to me shes the MACARONI ART of drag. She woulda been my friend first year of art school but then you have to change schools because you find out she has a crush thats a touch much on you and its weird because you thought you were just good friends. 28. Tyra Sanchez: In person I think Tyra might be the most beautiful of all the queens actually. You won't believe this but its true, she's a stunner. Too bad she just wants to be the best Beyonce, and not the best Tyra. Tyra, you be TYRA because Trinity K already does a waaaaaaaaay better Beyonce to be honest and youre actually so good on your own if you just owned YOURSELF youd be extraordinary. Its a shame she doesnt have the insight or desire to be HERSELF. Isnt that INSANE??? Its why nobody likes her, because SHE doesnt like her?! 27. Alexis Mateo: When you read her name do you also read it with a lisp? I do! Alexis is a sweet person whom I really appreciate and is also a victim of the pageant system. Pageant girls suffer from not fully grasping why the pageant system is bad. Ladies, we dont think YOU are bad, we think youre victims of a horrible oppressive system that wishes to put women into a structure of something like a DOG show. THIS IS DEGRADING NOT ONLY TO YOU BUT TO ALL FEMALES. It attempts to organize the female sex into ONE SINGULAR IDEAL based on the values of MEN and thats FUCKED UP. To organize females into ONE SINGULAR IDEAL is HORRIBLE and ROTTEN. It DEVALUES any ability that men might see as something THEY have to deal with and DENIES ABILITIES and STRENGTH to women creating an oppressive structure for females to operate in. Its GROSS, dont buy into it, its not cool! 26. Shannel: I know you dont agree but Shannel is important. Shannel wears VON DUTCH HATS. Shannels best friend is the WHISPERING FACE in the mirror that tells her to believe insane things. Shannel has THE BEST EYES of all contestants. Shannel belongs to a mentally ill race of people known as SHOW FOLK. Shannel thought JUGGLING while walking down the runway would be IMPRESSIVE. Shannel paid FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS for that garment and Shannel paid TOO MUCH. Shannel WAS NOT ELIMINATED... SHE CHOSE TO LEAVE!….. Shannel is important. OK the TOP TWENTY FIVE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. These are the APEX PREDATORS!!! Have you noticed as the list has gone on the comments have gone from VENOMOUS and PUNISHING to RESPECTFUL ACCOLADE and thats because as the list goes the talent increases and Im grateful that these people are inspiring, not wasting my time, and are championing values that need to be championed! When I typed this I just got so excited I moved my ENTIRE BODY on top of my little clear desk chair and Im sitting here typing like a GARGOYLE! Every single one of these queens are a WINNER and I mean that. Im not just saying this shit, each one of these queens is a SOLID ARCHETYPE and depending on your own values you could place most of them in the top five and have a SOLID ARGUMENT. This list however is MY opinion and MY VALUES so this is much more about ME than THEM of course. Honestly every single queen on this entire list is a talent and deserves respect for making the effort!... yes even Phi-phi. To be in the top twenty five however means you can STAND YOUR GROUND AND OWN YOUR OWN CROWN. Remember this is MY list. Youll understand reading this list I value creativity and HEIGHT more than anything. Being fishy doesnt count for much to me and if youre dumb and dishonest it aint gonna work out…. Here are THE MOST IMPORTANT QUEENS OF RUPAULS DRAG RACE!!! 25. Jessica Wild: AHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAH How the FUCK did Jessica Wild make the top list?! FUCK YES MISS JESSICA you MADE IT!! Ahahah this is WONDERFUl. I secretly admit I LOVE Jessica. Ill go so far to say shes almost like a KINDER EN ESPAñOL version of Alyssa! Jessica live is FUN and shes VERY KIND. I met her and she was a doll. Jessica is GOOD VIBES. I can totally hang with Jessy. Is she creative? NOPE. Is she Edgy? NOPE. Is she fierce… actually she kinda is???!. Shes a good person who you can tell HONESTLY LOVES DRAG and has fun doing it and THAT is why she made top 25! Shes a pure soul who enjoys what she does and that its the SPIRIT and HONESTY rarely found on EARTH! 24. Max: Max CLEARLY is really into Kristen Mcnemany. Max served us upper middle class white privilege. She was NOT bound by the oppressive low class moral standards of gender and sexuality! Max allowed herself to be flat chested and have GREY hair and this says IM WEALTHY AND EDUCATED ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE TO PLAY BY A MANS RULES AND BE A BIMBO YOU POOR PEOPLE?! Max was well read and Max is probably the most well travelled person in the semi mid west sorta shitty small to medium sized city in which I imagine she is from NEXT TO HER SISTER that was in THE PEACE CORPS (I imagine). I bet Max went to a college that was previously ONLY FOR GIRLS. Off the show Max really gave some fantastic editorial moments. I appreciated Max, she was refreshing. 23. Naomi Smalls: The Praying Mantis of drag! Naomis skeleton is the best of all the girls and thats why shes here. TALL and THIN is SO IMPORTANT. She actually was a nice person and very creative too. I don't like how people discounted her, she was far more creative than most of these people. 22. Milk: Milk is kinda like Max but not as annoying as a person and more “boy aware". Like I imagine sitting on train with Max might be tedious as her affectations are what got her chopped, and Milk though shes a touch WASPY for my tastes is actually cool and smart and you could share and laugh with her. Milk was MY club name in the 90s so thats interesting as were both tall white people I guess that name just gets handed to you. Milk is sorta the Sandra Bernhardt of RPDR to me but maybe its just the STRONG NOSE. I liked Milks Pinnochio A LOT but if I remember correctly she used the same wig or a pair of shoes a few times and that DOES get a deduction. She was REAL "I have a mom who went to college and shes tall and for my birthday she bought me an AFGHAN (the dog)." . SMART WHITE PEOPLE LIFE… basically everyone I went to college with. 21. Joslyn Fox: Jossy Fox is not trying to be anything she isnt and that is her refreshing appeal. Jossy shops at Tj Maxx and has lunch at Panera because she used to work there and still gets a discount because her fag hag never left despite making a lot of lateral moves that took her nowhere. If I had kids Id hire Jossy to babysit them. Jossy asked to have my husband visit her at her dining table on the drag cruise, BUT NOT ME. 20. Willam: I really should have put Willam at a higher ranking place simply because shes a class act and one of the only queens whos never asked for a discount and buys my clothes. She is the one queen who decided to play by her own rules which sorta bit her in the ass ALMOST, but shes also one of the only queens who has her own career outside of RPDR. I like Willam, shes distant and calculating, but so am I. 19. Ongina: Ongina is important because shes the first one to show that to be successful on the show its not about your elaborately constructed artifice that you might THINK is what makes people like you, but about the REAL YOU you fear to show others that is what makes people like you and this TEENY BEING had the balls to do it. Ongina is all about the live performance as shes a total charmer. She can dance in the palm of your hand and sleeps in a walnut shell at night. Her charm is her human connection that you dont get from most performers and you can't really get from TV. 18. Manila Luzon: Manilla gives the best costumes in drag styling. Her puppet faces are great, but ONE TIME USE, so shes a little for the kiddies and straight people who only see her once and dont follow drag so thats why she isnt higher for me. Remember if youre top 25 youre iconic! Im just organizing MY VALUES here so its not about these queens abilities but more about MY PERSONAL AGENDA and how I would ORGANIZE WORLD VALUES should I be given the chance…. (echoing Skeletor laugh) 17. Latrice Royale: Latrice is the spirit of America. If you dont like Latrice YOU ARE ISIS. Watch her performance at the season finale where Violet wins, its sooo darn good. Id love to put her farther up but I cant because she only wears THE SAME PAIR OF SHOES with every look. Lady… lay out some coins stop “living poor”. The moment you spend the dough to move yourself forward YOU ACTUALLY MOVE FORWARD. Stop living in a world where you cant afford shoes, break out of that mindset where youre worried to spend a little cash because you might not have it. LIVE RICHLY…YOU CAN AFFORD SHOES. That said remember CREDIT IS NOT CASH BITCH, do NOT use a credit card pretend you have the fantasy of the security of wealth, but I KNOW you at least have 49.99 for a plus size pair of PLEASERS! 16. Katya. The first time I saw Katya I thought TOTAL FORMER COKE HEAD... and I was right. Thats not a read its just the vibes. I think shes very smart and funny and her finale “read ya” was the best of al of them BUT she got a TOTAL SWEETHEART EDIT BECAUSE ALASKA WAS SLAUGHTERING EVERYONE so they needed to make it seem at least a LITTLE like a competition (though detox was like on another level) but I REALLY dont like that FORCED self deprecation and FAKE NICE LAUGH she gives people ESPECIALLY Trixie.. Stop GIFTING her that reaction, we all see right through it! It comes off like less of a laugh and more of an APOLOGY for existing and you dont need to do it youre fierce, just stop. Before you get too big a head though I have to be a good person and let you know your finale look on All Stars was the THIRD worst look ever to go down the runway behind Serena and Cynthia. Don't believe me???.. check out the hemline. 15 Jujubee: Out of all the queens I think if I had to spend an extended period of time with them Id choose Juju. Shes smart and funny and hopefully that would give me the opportunity to teach her about STYLING because she needs some help. Damn your looks are CHEAP woman. They sell Vogue at the GROCERY STORE!? Im not even asking for the far superior Italian Vogue, Im just saying SHITTY COMMERCIAL GROCERY STORE FASHION MAGAZINE VOGUE. Pick it up and then look at your clothes and figure out the difference. I actually think Juju might be the funniest queen even over Bianca. Shes certainly one of the smartest, and dont forget her library reading was really good. 14. Trinity K. Bonet: I imagine youre suprised at Trinity ranking so high up. Trinity is something I respect.. QUIET CONFIDENCE. Trinity was too damn well mannered to get as far as she should have in the competition and the reason why is Trinity K is the personality type I really respect who is someone who is QUIET and TALENTED. She lets her talents do the talking and unfortunately for good tv you cant just sit there and wait to slay on the runway, you have to have provide soundbytes and dramtic facial gestures for gifs etc. Trinity respectfully minded her own damn business and let her abilities do the talking and I REALLY like that. I went on that nightmarish drag cruise and hands down the best performance was Trinity it was about a ten minute Beyonce number and it was BETTER than Beyonce. It was FANTASTIC and im not even a Beyonce fan. I also think shes very beautiful and has a total Angela Basset quality to her which Im charmed by. Trinity was well mannered and polite and I kinda wanted to be her friend because someone like that benefits from someone like me who isnt afraid to maybe NOT be so polite should the rare occasion call for it. I guess Bianca kinda saw that too. I kinda think for some weird reason Im sweet on her because Tina Turner was my first concert at 8 years old, which I won the tickets to answering Tina Turner Triva on the radio, and that remeinds me of my mom who I went to the concert with and so therefor I want to protect this “good woman”. 13. Nina Flowers: Speaking of good women the next is Nina Flowers. I have NEVER heard ONE person say ONE bad thing about Nina and the multiple times Ive met her she is KIND AND LOVELY. Nina endured that entire CONFLAMA of SEASON 1 and DIDNT EVEN GET THE PALTRY 10k she deserved?! THEN Nina got CURSED with being paired with RAVING MAD WOMAN TAMMIE BROWN and ROLLED WITH IT without complaint. In fact if you watch All Stars 1 instead of complaining Nina handles her like a loving mother who has a RETARDED CHILD who YELLS A LOT. Speaking of YELLING RETARDED PEOPLE one time my husband and I were in Miami and we bought BAD PILLS (is there any other kind in Miami) and were TWACKED OUT ASSHOLES and ran into her and we COULD NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP and she was SO TOLERANT, AND SO NICE, AND SO UNBOTHERED that we almost wondered if we PASSED FOR SANE. Looking back WE DID NOT, Nina was just really nice. Nina is also a great Dj who really gets that CUNT FACTOR and makes for a great night out. 12 Miss Fame: Drag being an art form that relies so heavily on the magic of transformation being the best make up artist of all the queens certainly gets you TOP THREE placement. Too bad Miss Fame is the SECOND BEST MAKE UP ARTIST of Rupauls drag race. If this was a BIOLOGICAL female make-up challenge Fame would be the best, but DRAG MAKE UP is a VERY different art form. Fame had fantastic looks and a greatly appreciate her. I just wish the brains matched the visuals because theyre SO sharp. She really is the Linda of RPDR. Linda was my SECOND choice of the Supermodels, my first was Nadja so you can see where Im coming from. To me alien proportions and snowgress fantasies trump “classic fashion perfection”. 11. Chi Chi DeVayne : Chi Chi Devayne is THE SPIRIT OF DRAG. Chi chi is POOR AS FUCK and still managed to teach herself how to do BACKFLIPS IN HEELS. THERE IS NO REASON FOR ALL OF US NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME BUT WE CANNOT! She is THE DRAG ASSASSIN. I respect her SO much. Imagine if she was given the same opportunities any of us in the North East of the United States were given?! When I was a little kid I wasnt rich either but I feel in North Eastern America you can receive a great education and you dont have to be wealthy at all. A good education is just kind of built into the psyche just like our PURITANICAL JUDGEMENT. I mean as a kid I grew up in a tiny single parent home next to a pond and it certainly wasnt GLAMOROUS but if I felt like it my 8 year old self could wander over to the neighbors house which was basically THE ADDAMS FAMILY MANSION to me which belonged to the professor who established the local community college and Id just sit there in his living room while he and his wife watched JULIA CHILD Id point at the random objects hed collected from around the world and ask “Whats that?!” and hed reply “That is a TURKISH BULLWHIP!” FIERCE?! ..with that information alone not only did I learn of exotic locations I never heard of I knew I TOO wanted to go there AND had the ability too. Something tells me being from Louisianna Chi Chi didnt have the opportunity to learn how to cook LONDON BROIL (I still remember Julia saying “Ooh this roast is SPITTING at me) while sitting in the dark at a baby grand piano while a Grandfather clock gonged in the background like these people did. It would be VERY EASY to be an angry bitter person coming from her situation and instead Chi Chi took it upon herself to excel to the best of her abilities and BOY HAS SHE. I feel Chi Chi was THE BEST when it came to Lipsynch for your life. All she needs is 12 months, a handful of those McDonalds gift certificates you got at Halloween, a stack of VHS tapes of STYLE with ELSA KLENSCH, 6 National Geographic magazines, and everyone dies. Chi Chi is FIERCE. 10 Chad Michaels: Being the number one Cher impersonator in the world gets you top ten placement forever. Its not debatable its DRAG LAW. 9.Tammie Brown: Tammie Brown is an UNCONTROLLABLE FORCE OF NATURE. Tammy is the SWIRLING POWER OF CHAOS. GRAVITY DECIDES TO LEAVE WHEN TAMMIE IS AROUND! Tammies superpower is that she holds no power unto her own but EVERYONE ELSES POWERS ARE RENDERED USELESS WHEN SHE WALKS IN THE ROOM. NO QUEEN has any power over Tammie and for THAT ALONE she gets top ten placement. Have you ever seen those crazy cat videos of cats reacting to people who throw a cucumber on the ground? If you havent, check them out, but in a nut shell cats are for some reason TOTALLY FREAKED OUT by a cucumber sitting on the ground. They go from acting relatively sane to COMPLETELY BIZARRE at the toss of a cucumber... well TAMMY IS THAT CUCUMBER. 8. Bianca Del Rio: Bianca is a hard working professional and a talent and Im glad we have her on “our” side as I cant think of any straight comedian who could beat her in a "read off". She doesnt particularly check any of my boxes as what she is Im not super into but you cant deny her abilities. Shes the sharpest tack. My friend Bradford hired her for a dinner and it was fine and fun and all and as she was walking out the door my NUMB NUT husband brings up “but what about the movie youre making?” this of course lead her to go on about how shes raising money etc so then BRADFORD THE ASSHOLE makes everyone say how much theyre going to donate to her film putting me on the spot to donate 500 dollars to the fucking crappy movie?! It was well shot but UGH LADY wheres the funny? I paid FIVE HUNDRED GOD DAMN DOLLARS FOR THAT MOVIE?!?! FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS….. FUCK.... thats TWO tickets to see CHER?!?!?!? 7.Sharon Needles: When Sharon first came out I BOUGHT IT, literally, I bought the t shirt which was secrelty packed as a GLITTER BOMB.. FUCKING CUNT…She really gave us hope and spoke to so many and was a creative and funny star. Shes a great talent who has done some amazing looks. Unfortunately shes become super sour and nasty and nobody wants to work with her and former fans are made uncomfortable to be around her. Sharon Needles is THE BEST DRAG QUEEN nobody wants to be around. 6. Violet Chachki: Im pretty sure Violet was trained by a SITH LORD or something. Shes CURIOUSLY YOUNG to be so professional and SO on point and just soooo good. God I hated the idiot RPDR fan base who talked shit about her simply because they couldnt relate to her because she was confident in her abilities. A wolf does NOT consult the sheep as to what to have for dinner!?! Im sorry but thats NOT something to make apologies for and its CERTAINLY not something you need to change. Nobody should have to dumb themselves down for the masses and Violet has not. She consistently DOMINATES THEM with her BITCH GODDESS self and Im SOOOO THANKFUL FOR THAT. This icy goddess holds the title for the number one AND number two AND number three best gowns on RPDR history. Dont go against Violet you WILL loose. 5. Alaska: Alaska broke all the rules by being HER OWN CREATURE. You cant pin down Alaska as one specific thing. Shes is an entity unto her own and that is so important to recognize. Shes also maybe the smartest queen of all of them. Her drag is a critique of drag itself which makes her a more evolved creature compared to “lesser” queens. Like all these top five shes really carved out PERSONALITY in her drag persona. Shes maybe made me laugh more than any other queen.The only “negative” I can think of is I dont like her interest in nails, seems like something India Ferra would be into. Its sorta weird that she named herself Alaska when the biggest gay icon in Spain and many other Spanish speaking nations is Alaska but shes from Pittsburg, not Madrid. 4. Alyssa Edwards: Oh fuck is Alyssa Edwards important! The DON KNOTSS of Drag Alyssa is sorta just like Texas from which she hails… BIG AND WEIRD THINKING AND despite being the essence of AMERICA its also ITS OWN ENTITY and by its own design is flawless and also VERY FLAWED! Remember when ALyssa first started and she was mean and people did not like her?! This is important to recognize because Alyssa HOOKED US with a very special chemistry of herself as a real person and this SWIRLY KOOKOO TOWN that her psyche exists in where shes the MAYOR, THE RICHEST LADY, THE NOSEY NEIGHBOR, AND THE BEAUTY QUEEN! Shes all those things and we get to see them all exist in every gesture. The gif of her negotiating a sip on an extra long straw was just as responsible for us falling in love with her as was her UNSELFAWARNESS (is that a word?) upon the HARD REVEAL of her BACKROLLS. Those lips and eyes are insanely MAGNETIC but all of it would be only half as magnetic if we didnt know what a LOOSEY GOOSEY she is?! You KNOW that Alyssa PERFORMS FOR NOBODY when shes by herself…. OFTEN. Alyssa I think is the only queen Ive ever hired and she got out of a cab by herself in FULL DRAG wearing like a TEDDY and a SHEER DRESSING GOWN and walked down the street in broad daylight asking my assistant if the MEXICAN RESTAURANT ON THE CORNER was where she was PERFORMING?!?! Alyssas personal styling is: “Dress, not particularly expensive shoe, AND PIECE OF THING ON HER HEAD- but NOT a complete thing on her head just a PART of something on her head! Its the VAGUE ALLUSION that this is part of MAYBE SOMETHING GREATER, or maybe shes been to SPAIN, or maybe she shoplifts at CLAIRES BOUTIQUE?! Alyssa is an America treasure! 3. Raven: Raven is JEALOUS BEAUTY. RAVEN IS EVERY FIERCE VILLAINESS THAT EVER EXISTED. Raven VERY EASILY could be my number one BUT IM LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF and Im not going to SIT HERE and WAIT to be loved by someone I adore as they DENY MY EXISTENCE simply because THEY THEMSELVES are incapable of being loved. I already DID THAT SHOW its called ME AND MY DAD and thanks but over a lifetime as a child I sat there on the couch waiting for him to show up, which he often DID NOT, as I hoped that MAGICALLY ONE DAY this person you adore is suddenly going to take interest in you. GUESS WHAT… IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN!!! I might love Raven but RAVEN CANT LOVE BACK and instead of being MAD (like I was for a lifetime with my own dad) Im going to recognize that I dont hate this person at all, in fact this VILLAIN is a HERO to me and though I wish theyd be capable of liking me back theyre NOT and THATS OK. Im not the bad guy for that, and neither is Raven, and neither is my dad. Its something they cant do and MAYBE someday they will and if so THATS GREAT but until then Im gonna love myself and put interest in people who reciprocate my feelings.This all may sound like I had some kind of ACTUAL relationsship with Raven WHICH I HAVE NOT but Ravens entire DRAG CONCEPT HER VERY DRAG BEING is that story line to me. The even more twisted part is we love Raven BECAUSE shes cruel?!?! I think shes TREMENDOUS! Raven is THE EVIL QUEEN from Snow White, shes Alexis from Dynasty, shes Katra from She-ra. Raven IS jealous beauty. Raven is a cruel and powerful goddess and I LIVE for her. We have tried SO MANY times to hire her and it falls on dead ears. Shes cannot be bothered. She needs to GET BOTHERED because the reason why shes not an All Star is because she cant be. I mean I think its really because shes had a couple DUIs and theres no way a liquor company was gonna give 100k to a person who has 2 DUIS but you know what I mean.... Raven is also THE BEST DRAG MAKEUP ARTIST. All these future queens stand on Ravens trompe l’oeil bone structure. Ravens one word comments on fashion photo Ruview make me HOWL. Ravens astute observations are as sharp as her nose contour. Raven has the teeniest room for evolution spiritually I think JUST A TEENY BIT, like DONT CHANGE, but MAYBE get a LITTLE kind and Raven will be my number one and OH GOD I want her to be number one SO BAD. 2. Raja. Ok, now Im back to sitting on my tiny clear desk chair like a Gargoyle because its THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUEENS?!!?!? VERY SIMPLY without Raja Rupauls Drag Race would be MEXICAN TELEVISION! The show would be an FAR less elevated and be a GOOPEY SUNDAE of WIGS AND BOOBS AND WELL WORN DRESSES THAT SMELL LIKE B.O and ANGEL! Raja brings in references that lift the entire competition UP. Alyssa is Cosmopolitan but Raja is ITALIAN VOGUE AND NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC. Shes still the best runway walker of all the queens which is like MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING. In her single season she gave us gold robot, amazon tribes person, Marie Antoinette, and when she walked in first episode it was the most obvious time someone was CLEARLY the winner from MINUTE ONE. Raja is the PUBLIC TELEVISION OF DRAG RACE! A FUNDAMENTAL NECESSITY to the CLASS LEVEL of Rupauls Drag Race and without her the floor would drop out. LETS IMAGINE AN AFRICAN WATERING HOLE with baboons squeeling, zebras making their weirdo sounds that you would never expect to come from a horse, hippos eating, hyenas laughing and all of a sudden the GIRAFFE enters the scene and everyone SHUTS UP AND STARES… Well RAJA IS THAT GIRAFFE... and yes Shangela and Yarra Sofia are the babbons. We need LESS BABOONS and MORE GIRAFFES. If I HAD to make a negative critque Id say Id just like to see LESS POT and WINE references on her facebook page because when I read that I think she might be mildly depressed and I dont want that from this creative talent whom I adore! 1. Detox. DETOX IS CHARISMA. Detox IS the MUGLER woman. Thierry Mugler is what saved me in college. Mugler is clearly what has saved Detox as well. The first time I saw Thierry Muglers work was at a newsstand in VALENCIA CALIFORNIA at CalArts and his robot suit was on the cover of STERN magazine and I grabbed it, and some suburban TWAT MOM shot me side eye because the robot suit shows nipple and of course she disapproved that because she was JUDGEY UNTRAVELED TRASH. I looked inside at his work and I thought I WANT TO BE WHERE THESE PEOPLE EXIST?!?!? I actually brought the magazine to my mentor and said "I NEED TO BE HERE." Well Detox takes me to that place! I can relate to Detox. Were really similar in many ways, both of us have tried to manefest that Mugler construct as best as possible and through ANY means necessary. If Raven is the Evil Queen from Disneys Snow White, Detox is Maleficent! Both are SO MAJOR how do you pick?! Well I will tell you how! Remember how in my Raven rant I was saying I was going to learn to love myself well putting Detox first is learning to love myself! Why?! Because Detox is the EVIL QUEEN who MAKES GOOD. When Alvaro offered to pay both Detox and Raven to send me a little happy 40th birthday message Raven didnt respond, and DETOX DID and REFUSED TO TAKE MONEY. You know when Skeletor feels the spirit of Christmas in the Heman Christmas special?? Well SKELETOR DETOX. Shes the VILLAIN we all love with A HEART thats open to be loved. Detox is the DAD WHO SHOWS UP. Detox takes great measures to embody the values that mean so much to me. Its actually HARD to be this GOOD. She is SOFT AS NAILS but you still wanna FUCK HER?! She had TREMENDOUS sex appeal without being soft, amazing style without being trend driven, and shes a bitch goddess without being bitter. Detox is number one, Detox is the good mommy.

[ficdirectory]

Disuphere (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Missing: 3 years, 7 months and 5 days

Seventh grade had been the actual worst.  Josh was almost failing everything, except for art and gym where he had steady As.  The only reason he wasn’t actually failing was because Dad would kill him.  No joke.  So he was barely passing the academic stuff, but whatever.  If this was gonna be his life, what would he need an education for?

In study hall, he borrowed Alexa Chen’s phone.  She reminded him of Mariana, even though, in Josh’s mind, she never aged, and was still nine.  Alexa was nice and smart and sharp.  Josh admired her.  Pretty much everybody thought they should have a thing, but Josh wasn’t interested.

He ignored the taunts that he must be gay.  (They were “sure” it must be true because of the not dating thing and his long hair - as if that meant anything - except that he was being forced to never cut his hair, and messed with so he never wanted to get close to anybody…)

Josh signed into his Facebook.  (He turned 13 last month, and basically promised Dad to be His slave forever if He kept His word and let Josh get a Facebook like the rest of the world.)  At home, He monitored Josh online like the CIA or some crap, but He couldn’t control whose phone he borrowed at school.

At Dad’s insistence, Josh had zero Facebook friends and his profile pic was of one of his shoes.  But without Dad literally looking over his shoulder, Josh could actually search for people instead of playing Cookie Land for 20 minutes a day.

Josh typed in Stefanie Foster San Diego and found zip.  Lena Adams Anchor Beach Charter School?  The same nothing.  (Seriously what was up with them that they weren’t on social media?)  Josh glanced at the clock.  Still time for one more search:

Brandon Foster San Diego Anchor Beach.

Holy shit.  There he was.  His profile pic shows him with some girl Josh didn’t know.  He scrolled down the page, shocked.  Brandon’s page had zero privacy settings - everything was set to public.  There were a billion selfies of Brandon making the same face, and 12 billion pics of him and the girl. Josh’s heart sank.  No pics of Moms.  None of Mari.  But then Josh saw the status update:

Brandon Foster

at 10:55am

Moms bday in 2 days hmu w ideas.  Srsly.  Desperate to stay off the shit list.

Josh swallowed.  He’d forgotten it was almost Mom’s birthday.  Did that make him horrible?  Or realistic?  (Why think about the birthday of a person you’re never gonna see again?)  Still, Josh always thought of Mariana on hers.  What kind of son did that make him?

Glancing at the clock, Josh saw he was down to five minutes left of study hall.  So, he didn’t let himself think, just typed:

Cant go wrong w a pic of you and any sibs.  Take a new one or frame an old one.

The response came in seconds:

Ok idek who you are and idc. You just saved my ass Josh Mitchell.  Genius.

Not really, he thought.  This many years away, and he ached for a picture of his family.  

He could only imagine Stef might want the same.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Missing: 4 years and 1 month

If nobody noticed how Josh came into elementary school half-dead those couple of times...if nobody noticed the happy kid act in 6th grade was a mask...if nobody noticed his silent slide into depression last year....then why the hell should he be surprised now?

At least once a quarter some idiot pulled the fire alarm at school - either that or they were required to be sure the kids get the shit scared out of them regularly - it sure worked on Josh.)  Every time, all of them had to go stand outside and wait for LAPD to show up, and say they were safe from the imaginary fire.

Every time, Josh made sure to stand at the front of the crowds of kids (so they could see his short ass) pulling back his Biblically long hair with a rubber band so his face was in plain view.  It was everything he dared to do without actually screaming his other name out….which was only okay, he knew, if he had a death wish.

(With the new kid around, Josh knew He wouldn’t need much reason to just off him and be done with it.  Josh couldn’t take the risk.)

Josh stood as close to the closest cop car as he could, willing the cops to make eye contact.  He didn’t trust cops as far as he could throw them, but as an alternative to certain death?  Josh knew he had to try.

So he walked out in front of a car preparing to move.  The officer honked and yelled at him to get out of the street.

For the rest of the day, Josh’s nerves were destroyed and he had a massive headache.  He didn’t do anything in class.

Let him fail.

Let him fail every damn thing.

Who would care anyway?

Level 1 was there like an old friend, and Josh stayed blank until the end of the day.  No one noticed.  Why would they?

Brandon’s voice tried to butt into his distant haze on Josh’s walk back to His house:  “Seriously?  If you fail on purpose, Moms are going to kill you.”

Josh saw the house - nothing special on the outside - and shivered: “Not if He kills me first,” he said out loud to no one.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Home: 2 months and 23 days

Walking back into Anchor Beach four years later, as an eighth grader, Jesus felt like a time machine had dropped him off.  All his friends were huge.  Mariana was way taller than him so they looked weird walking down the hall together.  Twins, but not really twins.  It bummed Jesus out.

At least the press had died down and no news people cared he was here.

“Jesus!  Where you been?” a senior asked.  He looked friendly enough but was the size of a California Redwood. Then he said, “Totally thought you died.  You’re back, though. Awesome.”

“Shut up, Sam!” Mariana said, like Sam couldn’t snap her like a twig.

“What?” Sam said.  “It’s a good thing.  I mean I’m glad to see him!”

Jesus couldn’t move.  His heart was about to hammer through his chest and he really felt like puking.

“Jesus?  It’s okay.  He’s gone,” Mariana reassured.  

Blinking, he focused in, and saw they were the only ones left in the hall.  He must’ve zoned out for longer than he thought.

“Mama put you in a lot of my classes, remember?  And if we’re not together, and you need me?  Text me.”

“Yeah…” Jesus answered.  But Sam’s words were still in his head.

Classes passed in a blur and Jesus couldn’t concentrate on anything.  But when anybody asked about Then, it was like Jesus had to listen:

“So, was it awful?” Lexi asked, sidling up to him in the hall like no time had passed since he was chasing her and Mariana on the playground.  (Lexi’s family had just gotten back from spending winter break in Honduras.  She hadn’t seen him yet, but Mariana must’ve given her a heads-up.)

Jesus shrugged.  Dr. Hitchens said he could always say he wasn’t comfortable answering, but that would just give them more to gossip about.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Oh, I’m so sorry…” she said, wrapping her arms around him.  She was taller, like Mariana, so her arm came around his neck and squeezed.  It felt like he was choking.

He couldn’t feel his body.

Lexi didn’t let go right away.  And Jesus stood there, his arms at his sides.  When she pulled back, Jesus wasn’t listening.

He only came back when he smelled Mariana’s perfume - something light and flowery - she was looking concerned - offering her sweatshirt.  He stared, not understanding.

“Put this around your waist, okay.  So it covers you.”  (Why did she look so worried?)

But then Jesus glanced down, and saw.  It was just like That Day.  When he was so scared in that duffel bag that he couldn’t hold it.

His ears burned.

“It’s okay.  I don’t think anyone saw.  Come with me.  We’ll find Mama.”

“I’ll just go to the nurse?” he asked, because he did not want to show up looking like a damn toddler at Mama’s office.

Mariana hesitated.  “Can I text her at least?”

Jesus didn’t even know she was asking him until she said it again.  

He thought of Then.  Of his fear.  Of being humiliated.  And then he heard Mama in his head from last month:

I don’t make fun of people.  That’s not kind.

“Yeah,” Jesus nodded.  

Mama took him home. Let him change.  Asked if he was okay.  What he needed.

“Can we just sit on the couch?” he asked.

“Sure.”

So, they sat.

Jesus inched closer and closer until he was right next to her.  He laid his head on her shoulder.  “I’m not sure I can do school.  I might be too dumb.”

Mama paused and thought.  “If you can’t go to Anchor Beach, we can figure something out. You’re not dumb, my love, you’re stressed.  It makes sense.”

“Does it?” he asked.

“It does.  Let’s call Dr. Hitchens.  See if she’s got an earlier opening today.  What do you think?”

Jesus bristled.  “I don’t want to…”

Mama only spoke after another long pause.  “How about we keep your 3:30 then?  That way nothing has to change.”

“I guess,” he muttered.  Even if Mama didn’t talk about it directly, it was still so embarrassing.  “Can I tell you something?  Maybe it’ll make you mad…”

“You can tell me anything.” Mama reassures.

“I really hate school.”

“I understand.” Mama said.  “And I’m not mad.  In fact, can I tell you something?” she echoed.

Jesus nodded.

“Sometimes I really hate school, too.  It reminds me of losing you.  And I hate that feeling.”

Carefully, Jesus put his arms around her, and laid his head back down on her shoulder.  “I’m right here.  I can’t be lost if I’m right here.”

“I love you, Jesus.”

He stiffened, but relaxed again.  “Yeah,” he whispered.  “I think I know that.”

[inkytsuki]

in celebration for kish’s birthday i’m rereading the annotated version of the original illu so here it is for ya’ll!!

Includes my annotations from the stream and all the mistakes i made when i was twelve. its horrible. you are welcome

tw for furry bashing (i actually love furries i just hate myself)

Prologue (cara literally wrote that monologue from the hangover about being a lone wolf

at the bottom of the page)

The name Illusien has a history. A special name, on Glacitoria. It means Illumination. The name has always been given to a young woman; never a man or boy. The woman would receive her powers on her 16tth birthday; from that moment on, she became the light of Glacitoria.    The name was only given every 110 years. The name was a promise, a promise of life. She would live 100 years (????), then ten more years later, she would be reborn. Each time a different woman, a different power, a brighter light.    Each reincarnation stronger than the last. The ruler of all, lover of all, protector, savior, queen……….

Chapter 1: Illusien

The bright sun shone in her eyes. She winced and squinted as she got up and closed the curtains. Amber slowly opened her eyes. She looked around the room searching from her stuff. Tommorrow (aces thats literally how i spelled it) would be her 16th birthday. She couldn’t stand waiting.    When all Glacitorian’s turn 16, they can have their genes tested, giving them the ability to obtain their powers, and move into the above ground planet with a real sun and sky. The artificial sky and sun we so annoying to Amber.    She slipped downstairs and ran out the front door.    "It’s so dirty down here,“ she thought (kill me). "All you can smell is dirt. I wonder if Alex is awake.” (still kill me) Her brown hair glowed red in the sunlight, her freckles lit up her face and her green eyes, murky green and swamplike, shone in the artificial sun. (this is so homoerotic i was so gay)    She wondered what it would be like above ground. She hoped it would be much more lovely than this. The thought of only having to be underground for 24 more hours was unbearable. She walked on back to the orphanage. Living in an orphange (FUCKING HELL KATIE CORRECTED THIS TO ORPHANGE) was not odd because after your 16th birthday you were sent up.    But, there were in fact squibs (robbed terminology from harry potter), whose (I CANT BELIEVE I USED THE RIGHT FORM OF WHOSE) genes did not match anything but human DNA. So they were not able to go above and were doomed to live underground. Most children did not know their parents.    Being so excited, Amber did not know what time it was. She looked at the clock. It was 9:30 pm. And then she drifted to sleep. (LEGENDARY)

—

Amber woke up. Happy birthday to me, she thought. She stood up and looked around her room. Lauren was still asleep. (who the fuck is lauren) Wearily, she quietly walked out of the room.    She slipped downstairs. Andrea, the squib owner, caretaker, was waiting for her.    "Are you ready Amber,“ she asked.    "Yes and no, and Andrea?”    "Yes Amber,“    "Is Alex comming?”    "Yes, Celia is bringing him,“    And they left.

—

Amber looked at Alex, her twin brother. He had her hair, but not her face nor eyes. He looked nothing like her. (he was ugly)    Knowing soon they would pass into the real Glacitoria, was hard. (not this shit again. ALSO RANDOM COMMA FTW) It was a heavy weight. Soon, they reached a large cave. Andrea and Celia stopped.    "We cannot go any farther,” said Andrea.    "You must complete the journey,“ this time the voice was from Celia. (??????)    Amber hugged Andrea good-bye. Alex walked on. They entered the cave. this cave was dingy and weathered. There was a trickle of water running down through the cave.    Amber and Alex kept on and the water grew stronger.    "I see light!” Amber exclaimed.    They crawled out. It was loud. The rumbling of voices filled the air. (WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE GO. THEY LITERALLY ARE IN THE WOODS ALONE FOR MONTHS OK) They walked towards a door-like arch.    "Name.“ A short man boomed from a window (HOW DOES SHE KNOW HES SHORT)    "Age.”    "Sixteen.“    "Today?”    "Today.“    He told her to step into the arch. She did so. A green light flashed around her. (Daisy??? is that you………??) She saw a tail pop out on her back and felt ears sprout on her head. Her hair turned dark red and she felt a warmth.    A spark. It landed on her finger tips and went inside her. Pop! (pop yep. i used the word pop. sound effects. slay.) A green (surprise) outfit surrounded her. Black gloves popped (ugh) on her hands.    A whisper. More whispers. Then she started to float down, the light drifted away. The whispers ceased.    The dwarf (NOW HES A DWARF APPARENTLY) seemed to be in a daze. But one word stayed on her mind.    Illusien.

Chapter 2: The Newest Light

"I’m afraid I’m gonig to have to tell you,” the dwarf (ah…continuity) said, “you’re goig to start to forget who you are. Then you will become someone new.” (DEMENTIA)    "Sir,“ said the girl (???? transition????) "does this have anything to do with that word, Illusien, I believe it was?”    "I’m afraid it does,“ the (very afraid) dwarf said in reply. "That is now your name. You are the new light for Glacitoria.”    It stuck in her head like chewing gum on a desk. ( i like this analogy katie said it was stupid) “You are the newest light for Glacitoria.” She had heard that name before. Illusien.        She thanked him and left. She hadn’t seen her brother (bother was accurate tbh) cross through. Her fox ears and tail twitched. (it pains me to write that.) She stood up. Maybe her brother was a squib.    The beauty of Glacitoria is more than I would ever imagined, with undisturbed nature, the girl thought, much better than underground.    The fresh air smelled and tasted good to Illusien. She closed her green, cat-like (shes a fox tho) eyes to take a deep breath. She felt herself bump into something. (SPOILER: IT KISH)    She opened her eyes and looked up. The soft hazel eyes that looked back at her calmed her. His dark hair gleamed in the sunlight (moonlight was written over this but im so confused)    Real sun(moon)light, she thought, no artifical stuff.    He looked at her with his soft gaze. (hes actually batshit and a brat haha) It made her want to melt. She couldn’t look away.    "H-hi-um i-urr,“ she stammered. (ATTRACTIVE)    "Hello, my name is Mikish,” he said (awkwardly) cooly. “You can call me Kish.”    "Hi, my name is Am–I mean Illusien (theres a little :) next to illusien),“ Illusien said. (cause…we needed…to…hear…her…name…again…)    "You know, you’re a legend,.” Kish replied, “( I ca nt believe i ha ve to ty pe this) A (ew) beautiful one at that,” he said looking her dead in the eyes.    She blushed. (cause thats what u do when a guy is creeping on you) Wait! Mikish, she thought, the words suddenly creeping into her head; he’s a legend himself!    "You know,“ said she (why), "your a legend too.”    "Really? I wondered why they acted all weird when I went through two years ago!“ he said sarcastically. (ive used all my exclaimation points for the rest of my life and its only page like 6)    She laughed. She couldn’t help it. (ew ew ewewewwe WHY DO I HAVE TO TYPE THIS) He was so (…………………) handsome, he made her (???? what is) want to sing Amazing Grace at the top of her lungs. (?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????)    "You tell my story (??),” Kish said, “And I’ll tell you yours.” (I love how there is always a break in the dialogue)

—

As Kish told her of her past, she watched him. All of his movents (?) so perfect, so smooth, so natural (i would fuckin hope so). He was a work of art.    She looked into his hazel eyes. They were so beautiful. He must be an angel, she thought. Only an angel could be so beautiful. (evan peters is actually weirdly attractive but lol)    Suddenly (obligatory anime faint) she was feeling super dizzy.    "Are you okay?!“ exclaimed Kish.    "Kish…” (jfc)    She closed her eyes and fainted. (why) (actually theres a reason but i didnt do this for that reason unfortunately)

–

(I do not want to type this part like no why WHY WHY DID I WRITE THIS. I LET PEOPLE READ THIS) It was dark. Illusien could hear the crackling of fire. She rolled over. Kish! Where was Kish? Kish came through the trees, carrying firewood. (another little :) )    "Well, you’re finally awake!“ Kish said.    "What happened?” asked Illusien, rubbing her head.    "You fainted!“ (he said mockingly as he laughed at her. he kept laughing. what a fucking idiot)    Oh no! (please dont make me do this) (this is literally right out of tokyo mew mew a la mode) I (plz) fainted in front of this (no plz) cute guy? (sigh) say it isnt so!

–

The fire was warm. Kish (sorry i changed POVs. now its in Kish’s pov????) looked up at her. She saw him and he averted his gaze. Her tail twitched as she sat across from him.    She pulled her hair back into (god fucking damn it. why why why why why why) ribboned (no) pigtails. Her bangs and (rolls eyes into the abyss) frames (anime hair sugoii desu) hung down. Her swamplike eyes lit up in the firelight.    His looked gray in the light. It made him look more handsome (so beautiful everyones so beautiful and white). If that was possible. (ew)    "Illusien.”    "Yes, Kish?“ (addressing one another by name so that the deer arent confused)    "You should get some rest. I’ll show you around in the morning. Don’t worry. (oh no  here we go with the white boy bull shit) I’ll always be around to protect you. Always. (haha nope)”    The words hung in her ears. (which ones) She smiled.    "Good night kish.“    "Good night, my light.” (next to it “awwwww how sweet” more like barf)

Chapter 3: Kish

“Good morning! ( :) )”    "Whaa!! (oh my god) Oh, kish!“    "Get up we must get going.”    "Kish (it looks like kush right here) what are you talking about? You sound worried!“    "I’ll tell you when we get there.”    "Okay. I trust you.“ (yoU ARE TOO TRUSTING) –

Her dark red hair bounced as they treaded through the woods. Her orange red ears stood straight up and her eyes on Kish.    The evergreen forest around her sent chills up her spine. She decided to follow behind Kish closer. She heard a stick crack. (ACTION)    "Kish! Get down!”    "What?!“    "Someone’s following us.”    They laid down behind a large log. Kish, she thought, where is he? (hes a fast little fucker apparently) Kish was gone. She heard a crack. Kish shot an arrow at their attacker. (apparently hes ann excellent marksman)    Illusien got up. She looked older now. (is this really the time for this) She didn’t think as she used to. (its been one fucking day) She walked over to Mikish, who was standing over the body. (who he killed with one shot. with a normal bow and arrow)    He picked up an amulet. “This belongs to Xalador (lmfao),” he thought. “This is what I feared!”

–

“Kish are we there yet? ( :) )”    "Almost.“    They stopped at a stream with a great water fall crashing down. (streams dont get great waterfalls…..like…no. just nope). It’s beautiful, thought Illusien, like nothing ive every seen!    "We’re here, Illusien.”    "Now tell me what we’re doing.“ –

"We are in danger. Mostly you. Do you know who Xalador is?”    "No.“ (why the fuck. she doesnt know anything shit head)    "He is a sorcerer (?). His power is greater than mine and has the ability to drain the power from you. That’s what he wants. Your power. He wants to destroy you

once and for all. If you are destroyed in your youth and not before your 100 years are up the light of Glacitoria will be extinguished forever.” (???????? okay whatever)    Illusien looked into his gray eyes. They had looked hazel the night before. His hair wasnt as dark either. It was sandyish. (jfc)    He looked at her with piercing eyes. (as piercing as an awkward 15 year old virgins eyes can be) She knew he was serious.

—

As she sat listening she had an eerie feeling as the words seemed to creep into her head:

“Mikish, the controller of mind (originally his power was water). King of all. Caretaker of Illusien. Always born two years earlier. He would follow Illusien through her journey.

Forever, until his destruction.” (too trusting)

–

They picked berries until the sun started to fade. They found their way back as it was almost sunset. Kish went to find firewood. (after sunset probably hes an idiot)    Illusien (being a fucking furry) started to play with a mouse. She got bored and killed it. (a symptom of both psychopathy and being a furry) She was about to eat it (?>>>????? fuckin furry) when Kish came back.    Kish was going to find some stones to start a fire with. He tried to strike a fire

with stones. (but he fuckin sucks so here we are) Illusien snapped her fingers and the logs burst into flames. (showy littl e cunt)    Kish looked at her. (he does that a lottttT) She smiled, proud of herself. She looked at him. She shivered.    "Good night Kish.“    "Good night Illusien.” Chapter 4: “What do we do?” (slay me already okay. also this chapter is literally 1 page front and back. thats it)

Illusien woke up. Kish wasn’t there. (this is a reoccuring theme)    "Kish?!“ (immediate panic. someone help her)    Kish was sitting on the cliff by the water fall. (okay so i have no idea why this is her immediate thought) "I wonder if I can fly or float or something like Kish,” she thought. (HOW DO WE KNOW HE FLIES??? THIS IS THE FIRST EXAMPLE AND LITERALLY NO ONE SAW HIM DO IT) She concentrated. The she floated up. She opened her eyes and flew foward slowly. She tapped down gently beside Kish. (nice to know she magically learned how to fly and is instantly incredible at it)    "Kish?“    "Yes, Illusien,”    (get ready for it. PREPARE YOUR SELF) “What do we do?” —

(OH GOD. OH GOD YES OH YES LMFAO YES)    "Lord?“    "Yes, Malaki?”    "We’ve located her.“    "Good. (fave fav e fave) Destroy her not. Lead her to me.”    "Lord, what shall we do about the boy?“    ”(THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE) Bring to me him. I want to see the light leave their eyes.“ (?????????????? im like what cause thats not right but ok) —

Illusien waited for a reply from Kish. It was hard for Kish to say what to do. He did want to go through with it. (with what i m)    Kish thought a moment and then realized it had to be done.    "Illusien, we have to kill Xalador. If he doesn’t die, we surely will and the whole world will be under his control for all eternity. (i m laughing so hard rn)” Kish couldn’t look her in the eyes. He knew it was dangerous. But so was the rest of her life.    One mistake and all of Glacitoria will be gone forever, he thought. Or at least as we know it.    "Okay. But one question. How do we kill him?“ (illusien asking the important questions)

—

(wtf is this and why did i change povs and shit)    All of her past lives, thought Kish,she has defeated her enemies. Throughout all her reincarations she hasn’t failed. But what if this time, she doesn’t suceed??

—

Illusien looked around. Crack. Another crack. Something was out there. A dark shadow. It came closer. Then everything went black. (THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR A NARCOLEPTIC EPISODE)

—

Chapter 5: Captivity (?)

Kish woke up. He looked around. Illusien was gone.    "Illusien!”    No answer. He waitied, she didn’t come back. He started on his way. He decided to fly up to see where was. No movement. He couldn’t see anything in the dense forest. He realized he had to track her, (this was good until this point right her) or lose her forever. (F ucKin)

—

Illusien startled. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Kish, she thought. She opened her eyes. She was not by the stream anymore. (THE WRITING IS SO LIGHT RIGHT HERE JFC)    Illusien felt the tears well up in her eyes. (shes a cryer unfortunately)She didn’t know where she was. A figure appeared in front of her. He smelled charred. (HE SMELLED OF BURNING FLESH. WHAT A FUCKING GREAT DESCRIPTION 12 YR OL D ME BYE) And dingy. (nice. a real man) He leaned down and gave her a hand. (like a real anime gentleman) When she stood her green eyes met his equally murky eyes.    His dark hair blew in the wind (fuck) as he looked down at her. (wait i lied this is my favorite line) He didn’t look like a kidnapper.    "Hello.“ He said with a (totally sugoi) bow. (who the fuck does this little shit think he is.) ("I just met you and this is crazy. But i just kidnapped you. so fuck me maybe”)    Illusien though for a moment, then said, “Hello.” though “why did you kidnap me” would have been more appropriate. (narcolepsy man)    His murky eyes glistened (ANIME). Suddenly, she (sighhh) felt weak in the knees. She couldn’t move, she couldnt run, she couldnt (fucking stop making run on sentences?) do anything. (its the GHB in your system, honey. hes a creep.)    He was (no good god why did) even more handsome that Kish. (not rly tbh) He was hypnotising. Finally, he spoke up. (did they just stare at each other for like 2 minutes bc)    "My name is Luke. I have saved you.“

—

"My lord, we have lost her.”    "Well, then Malaki, find HER!“    "Lord Xalador.:    "Yes Jesse”    "Malaki you tell him.“ (pussy)    "Lord, we think she has found the boy.”    "Do NOT (underlined very heavily) let them get away!!“ (they already…ok) —

Illusien sat across from Luke. It was all confusing to her. (you are too trusting. he could be anyone. he could be a serial killer. a rapist. i mean. you faint all the time. you  need to g et away) The journey had not yet begun (what mother fuckin journey are you prattling about) and where was Kish? "I have saved you” From what?    She took a bite of the delicious (why was i such a fuckin weeb) rice cake, it was delicious (SLAY Me). Then she looked at Luke. (she looked at look is what i wrote the first time lmao) He stood. She stood too.    "Luke?“ (she always addressed people by their name like theres someone else there)    "Yes?”    "What have you saved me from?“    (DRUMFUCKInrOLL) "Mikish.”    "Mikish?“    "Yes. You must not believe him. He is a deciever!” (did i just watch spy kids 3)    "Kish?“ Illusien said. "He just doesn’t seem the type.” (what exactly is the type? since….theyre decieving you???)    "Oh but he is. He works for Xalador!“ (zaxbys he works at zaxbys)    "What can you tell me about Xalador ?( :D)”    "He is new to Glacitoria. Very young. In the four months you have been in Glacitoria he have been rising, plotting your downfall.“ (it has literally been like 3 days max. MAX)    "Why was I chosen?”    "You will find out. Illusien, you are the light. You are our queen, and our savior. Now, you should be worried about destroying Xalador.“ (he dont know. cryptic little shi.t)    Illusien looked up. She didn’t remember who she was anymore. (??) She turned to face Luke, who was standing behind her.    "Luke, I don’t know who to trust, anymore.”    "You can trust me.“    "Well. That’s exactly what Kish said.” (SASS)

—

Lord Xalador stood. He was ready to destroy all surrounding him.    "Malaki (i cant wait till i ge t to the glorious mispelling of his name), why is it the simple things I ask of you and Jesse, never get done!“    "Sir, we try our best.”    "Your best is not suitable!“ (wreckd)    "Lord, may we add that–”    "Jesse, fetch me Mikish.“ —

Illusien looked up (she does that a fuckin lot) throught the trees. The tall oak she was under glistened with dew. "You can trust me.” Can I really trust him? she pondered. Is he right about Kish?    Luke walked around the tree to where Illusien was sitting. He looked at her. She caught his gaze and he looked away. (ahh. romance.)    "Illusien?“    "Yes?”    He reached around his neck. He took off his necklace. It had a ruby on the end.    "I want you to have this.“ (white boy gift)    "Your pendant?” (fuckin wait for it)    "No. My promise. ( :) )“

Chapter 6: Lessons

She let her hair down. (god damn it) She brushed through it. (katies annotation on the page: "WHERE IN THE HELL DID SHE GET A BRUSH?”) Luke, it bounced through her head, Luke. (new hotter boy instant crush) She clutched the pendant with one hand. She closed her eyes. (was this it? was this the boy she was going to give her virginity to? was this love? she had his necklace, a part of him, a symbol of his affection. theyd only known each other a day, and he hadnt even asked her to be his girlfriend….but still…the necklace had to mean something….right????)    She looked over at Luke. He was still sleeping. She stood, put out the fire, and went to sleep. Luke opened his eyes (like a fuckin creeper), snapped his fingers and the log burst back into flames. (WHHHHAAAT)

— (HOLY SHIT THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD AND I LOVE THIS PART BYE) The sun shone through the trees. Kish was on his way to Xalador’s castle. He was upset with himself. He thought, why did I let her get away? Lord, oh god, the Lord will probably kill me, I wasn’t (best spelling mistake ever) supposeded to let her go.    He shook his head. I didn’t want to bring her in the first place. (!!!!) No use fighting emotions now. He couldn’t believe he let himself fall in love with her. (in 3 days nonetheless. impressive)    He looked up, the castle was just up ahead. He took a deep breath and pushed her out of his head for a moment, and headed inside. (this isnt the part i thought it was)

—

“So who is this Xalador guy any ways? I mean seriously, no one will tell me anything.”    "When the time comes, you will know.“ (this guy is useless. he aint know shit from dirt)    "Why does everyone keep saying that?” (because i was twelve and hadn’t actually come up with anything yet. i literally sat in my prealgebra class and wrote you)    "Because it’s true. You will know the horrible truth when the time comes,“ he paused, "and that is a promise.” (grOSS LITTLE SHIT STOP SAYING THAT)    Illusien looked away. (b-baka!!) She knew he would keep his promise. She clutched her necklace, closed her eyes, and turned to face him.    "What about my brother?“ —

"Mikish, your late.” (a wizard is never late, frodo baggins. nor is he early. he arrives precisely when he means to)    "Yes, my lord, I know, I apologize.“ ("I brought starbucks tho.” “You asshole! I only drink coffee from joe muggs! the cafe inside books a million!! sarah is my favorite barista!1” “OH NO SORRY MY LORD”)    "Where is the girl?“ (he asked, stroking his hairless face. he was a dark lord. why could he not grow facial hair.)    "Lord, you must understand, I, I…I lost her. She was kidnapped in the night.”    "Useless! Everyone of you. Malaki, Jesse, and you, of all people, Mikish I trusted you to bring her to me!“    "My lord! I really,  please I beg of you, one more chance.”    "Fine, Mikish. Get out of my sight.“

—

"Your brother, made it through, that’s true. But I say with a heavy heart, I cannot tell you what has happened to him.”    There was a brief silence between them. She (surprise) looked up at him.    "Teach me. Teach me to control my powers, Luke. I know you have the power of fire just like me. So teach me.“    He hesitated, "Okay Illusien, I promise.” (shuuuuut uppppp) —

(OKAY I LOVE THIS PART LMAO) How could I be so stupid? Kish kicked a tree. I can’t believe I did this. (from this point on katie is writing the scene and im helpingokay sorry. this is us together.) She probobly is sitting with the rebel boy, and he is telling her who i really am. He pulled at his hair in frustration. Lord Xalador expected Kish to bring Illusien to him.    How did Xalador talk me into this? If only I’d known……… (katie wrote: “how much of a slut she is…..” jfc man we were so brutal to this poor narcoleptic furry) Luke looked at Illusien. Her breathing was soft and light. She looked so much beautiful when she slept. (lmfao im dying rn so much beautiful) She was peaceful. The questioning look on her face was gone. (im always so confused by the weird out of context things katie wrote. like wtf was she talking about.)    He could see the damage Kish had done. (da…mag..e…??/) She stirred slightly. He wondered what she dreamt about. Kish had put through her head so many lies. Luke could see she didn’t want to believe him about Kish. (reasonable…since she doesn’t even know you dude.)    Her gentle nature was greater than he had ever seen. (oh not this fucking bullshit again comE ON) Her radiance and beauty were equal to her personality. (nonexistant??? cause really shes kind of like a brick.) (katie wrote: “bullshit! :)”)    Illusien shivered in her sleep. He walked over and covered her with his blanket. She calmed. He wouldn’t need it anyway because he wouldn’t be sleeping anyway. (…..what he gonna do bc,)    Kish would be on his way to find her at anytime and he had to be alert. (right. cause kish is the biggest threat in the whole forest. im laughing too har d omg)

—

Kish wandered through the forest. He couldn’t find her. It’s no use, he thought, the rebel boy has probably taken her out of the woods by now any way. (neg. also THE REBEL BOY WHY DID WE CALL HIM THAT IM GONNA PEE.)    Kish was confused. He wanted to be with her but he wanted her to be safe. (be…with…her……..youve known her like 4 days, kiddo. you just…want…other things ok)    He knew this was impossible, but he couldn’t think clearly anymore.    The other night he had read into her thoughts. He implanted false thoughts and sensed where she was. (sensed where she was?? ok katie PLEASE explain this to me i do not understand your reasoning behind this.) HE COULD DO THAT AGAIN!!! DUH!!!! (i dont think m y commentary is necessary on this lmao) The answer was right there! But did he want to put her in jeporady? (thats how its spelled) (katie loved loved loved the word jeopardy) As soon as they were together again, she would be in trouble. (understatement of the generation. TROUBLE. HA. more like mildly mortal peril)    If he could just decide! Thoughts kept whirling through his head. If he sacrificed her safety for his pleasure (WOW. WOW. WOW. THATS HIGHLY INNAPPROPRIATE WORDING FOR A TWELVE YEAR OLD. WOWZA) he would be a jerk. If he didn’t look for her, he would be killed.    Maybe they just weren’t meant to be………….

—

Illusien stirred. She slowly opened her eyes. It was morning. (WILL LUKE BE THERE.) She looked down and realized that Luke had given her his blanket in the night. The fire had long since gone out.    She wondered where Luke was. She hadn’t seen him since last night. (OH NO)    As hard as the truth is to realize, Illusien said to herself, I’m starting to believe Luke. (under what basis? you’ve hardly spoken to the guy, and the only thing you really know about him is that he’s kinda cute and he smells bad. he told you that the last guy you were with was the bad guy but you didn’t really have any stock yourself that made it fit and you have absolutely no reference that can tell you if thE MAN WHO KIDNAPPED YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IS TELLING YOU THE TRUTH) (like sorry that birdman jr told you no flamingos when it came to kish but like you dont really know either of these guys) I mean, if kish was really that worried about me, wouldn’t he come looking for me? (girl)    And waht about when I brought up the subject of Xalador? He spoke hesitantly and always seemed to be hiding something. (did he??) Luke, wouldn’t lie to me, would he? (YOU DONT KNOW THAT.)    Luke, she was starting to fall for him. (YOUVE DECIDED THIS IN LESS THAN 3 PAGES) He was handsome and charming. (not the word i would use) But still, she still was getting over how Kish had built up her trust and was going to turn her over to the “Lord Xalador”. (but still she still)    She sensed Luke in the near distance, heading back. (her furry senses were tingling) Illusien quickly made sure her hair was in place, her ears neat, her tail shiny, and that she had nothing on her face. (picturing her grooming herself was the least attractive thing and im sure luke is not into furries either…however…..birdman jr)    Luke approached her. “Good morning.”    "Good morning, Luke,“ she blushed.    "I assume you’re ready for your lessons today.”    Lessons! Shoot! (shoot. shoot. i said shoot) I had forgotten about those. Of course I’m not ready! But I can’t let him know that!!    (katie wrote most of this scene lmao)“Okay, first, Illusien, you need to stand on that rock.”    "Okay, now what?“    "Incenerate that tree!!!” (god)    "What? OH!“ She snapped her fingers and pointed at the tree.    "It didn’t work, Luke.”    "You have to concentrate Illusien.“    She tried again. She thought only of what she was doing. (thats kind of shitty??/ like you have super powers but theyre INCREDIBLY difficult to use. like if you get mildly distracted they don’t work anymore) She snapped her fingers and the tree bust into blue flames. (i wrote that the flames were blue bc blue/white is REALLY HOT FIRE. but….then katie picked up after this paragraph.)    "Luke, why did it burst into BLUE flames?”    "Because the tree posed no threat to you. Your powers are enhanced when you are angry or scared. I am also holding back your power. (HOW IS HE DOING THAT. THATS SO FUCKING RANDOM) If I didn’t, you would probobly set the whole forest on fire.“ She gave him a questioning look. (ME TOO ILLU. What he’s describing as what he’s doing: holding back your power, sounds an awful lot like xalador’s power. because xalador drains the power from others. If Luke has the ability to siphon off her power, that would most definitely point to an ulterior motive in this plot. so thanks for making shit up katie. congrats on being 12)    "Illusien, your power is so great, so powerful, that you have enough to light Glacitoria. So, you could easily set fire to this forest. Your powers need to be controlled. This is what I’m trying to teach you.” She nodded and hopped off the rock.    "As long as you are with me Luke, I think I’ll be just fine.“ (my face right now. just imagine it. like ew no stop jfc) Illusien stared deep into Luke’s eyes (fidskfvcmdcx vfv) . Luke took her hand. (hand is darkened and underlined like 13 times and im so disappointed in katie rn. i trusted her) (thank god i write the next tiny little section)

—

Kish’s anger was getting worse. There was nothing to hold him back. He hated Xalador, but he knew this is what Xalador wanted, but he felt he must find her. (OOPS. NOT FINGER HER OMFG.) (ALSO THAT SENTENCE MADE NO SENSE) The conseqences were great, but he wanted to be with her more than l fe (thats what it says??) itself, and nothing was about to stop him. (oh gross, me. wtg. thats just. no. save me from myself)

—

Luke (was is scratched out) is incredible! He has taught me to control and use my powers. (literally no he didnt. you stood on a rock and he talked about how you were so stupid that you were going to burn the whole world down. which is actually probably right) But what would I do without him, she throught. (IM PISSING @ THROUGHT)    I’m just taking a quick break, but still. I wonder how he knew where I was the other night. (a little thing called stalking..?) Never mind that. (NEVERMIND THAT???? YES MIND THAT. YES MIND THAT WITH EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING) Oh Luke’s calling me. I wonder what I’ll have to do now. Oh well as long as I’m with him. I know I’m safe. (YOU DONT KNOW THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT. I REALLY WANT TO HOLD YOU AND TEACH YOU SELF DEFENSE. AND IDK TEACH YOU ANYTHING ABOUT  ANYTHING OKAY IM A CONCERNED MOMMY)

—

Luke looked at Illusien. (he couldn’t believe she was this niave. It was far too easy to get her alone. Insert creepy thoughts here bc that hair is not the scariest thing about him ok) She seemed ready to start again.    "Okay, Illusien, stand on the rock again.”    Illusien stood upon the rock. (fun fact, this whole thing still takes place in my old back yard in my head bye)    "All right, now concentrate, (NO NO NONONONONOONNOONNOONONNONNNNOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO) (WHY WAS I SUCH A FUCKIKNG IDIOT. THIS IS THE MOST EMBARASSING THIHNG WHY DO I HGAVE TOT TYPE IT) think a feeling, a wonderful feeling, a time or place or thing that makes you feel such a way. Let it fill you. Now fly.“ (JUST KIDDING. LUKE IS ACTUALLY PETER FUCKING PAN GOOD BYE)    She did as he said. She let it fill her. She started to rise. Up higher and higher. She was flying!

—

Kish was still looking for Illusien. He looked up. Illusien, he thought. Now’s my chance!    "Illusien!” —

Illusien opened her eyes, she was falling. The ground was getting closer. (I LITERALLY JUST REALIZED THAT I WROTE THIS EXACT FUCKING SCENE IN VIOLETS THING A YEAR LATER THATS HOW ROMANTIC AND GREAT I THOUGHT IT WAS. BYE) She closed her eyes and braced herself. She felt something catch her and break her fall.    She opened one eye. Luke, had caught her. (unnecessary commas FTW) She blinked.    "Luke,“ her cheeks flushed. (WHY DOES THE TOP OF LITERALLY ALMOST EVERY SINGLE PAGE JUST HAVE "Ichigo” WRITTEN THERE.)    Luke let her down. (she was grateful for that. She would have been much more grateful, however, if Luke would take a god forsaken bath. He smelled so rancid as their bodies pressed against one another. It was off putting.) Illusien stared deep into his eyes. Luke pulled her into a kiss. They were so close she could feel his heart beat. (wow)    It was long and slow. (cool) Illusien finally pulled away at the sound of a rustling in the bushes.

—

Kish stepped out of the bushes. (Sniveling, he tried to look like he hadn’t started to cry, but his eyes were telling all sorts of tales, brimming over with salty liquid. Not tears. They most definitely were not tears. He wasn’t crying.) He had a look of anger on his face. (But it wasn’t anything more than a facade. He was hurt, hurt right down to his core.) Luke stepped out in front of Illusien.    "You stay away from her, Mikish! You’ve done enough damage already!“    (He clenched his jaw, his hatred of Luke allowing him a new strength. His voice came out in a growl, his loathing dripping out the way an angry dog drools, throwing its barks directly at what’s pissing it off.) "Fool. (the best insult in the world) You don’t know who you’re messing with, Rebel. Now step aside, Rebel, she’s mine.”    "No. I won’t. You’re selfish and evil ways won’t prevail. (oh god why did i) Eat fire! (eat. fir re. good by ee. RIP in piss @ me) Luke shot a fireball at Kish. Kish stood. (aflame. He was aflame, burning alive in his own homosexuality) (seriously tho he just stands up like nah u cant burn me bitch )    "I see. But this won’t be the last you see of me. Illusien, I’ll be waiting.“ (thats…it?? wow way to be a man mikish) He took one, longing look at Illusien. She was staring at him with a blank look, her cheeks still flushed from kissing Luke. He shook his head and walked away. He could feel the both of their gazes on him. He just kept on walking. (oh, bae.)

— Chapter 7: Love and HATE

"Luke, ”    "Illusien, we have to be careful now.“    "I know, I just don’t know what to do.” Her tears stained her cheeks. (are they ink bc thats not how that works.) Luke put his arms around her.    "I just worry for your safety, Luke.“ —    (YES MORE ANGRY KISH HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIT) I should have known! Kish hit his head with his hand. How could I be so stupid? She doesn’t love me; she loves the rebel.    He kicked himself. She’d either be his or die at the hand of Xalador. He would take care of the rebel himself.    Oh, how he hated the rebel. He envied him for stealing her heart before he had a chance. Before…….(oops! wait)… Before……….. (before kish was able to lose his virginity?? is that what we’re getting at bc………….. lol)

—-

Luke could’t believe what had just happened. He and Illusien finally had a moment to themselves, what he had be wanting for such a long time, and he couldn’t enjoy it. (you have literally been alone together this whole time i’m/)    Mikish had ruined everything. They had to move on. Mikish would surely tell Lord Xalador their whereabouts.    He hated to see the tears in Illusiens eyes. The look of terror on her face had startled him.    He would do anything for her, even sacrifice himself. (plz do. right now) Her beautiful face had been twisted with fear and he kept replaying in his mind.    He was (god fucking damn it) truly in love with Illusien. (do they live on a planet where love is just constant and always in your face bc) He had never been this way toward anyone else. Now that Kish had been angered (Aangered. lmfao), he would be attacking Illusien’s thoughts more often. (WHY DID I NOT DEVELOP ON THIS. okay its very important to note JUST HOW OVER POWERED KISH IS. Kish literally has the ability to read peoples mind/change their thoughts/manipulate them/possess peoples minds/detatch his own soul from him body. BU T THATS NEVER COVERED. KISH LITERALLY IS SO FUCKING POWERFUL)    And Luke could not see this happen to her anymore. Illusien gentle touched her fingers to her lips. She couldn’t believe Luke had kissed her. (good fucking god no this is some bull) She rememebered seeing Kish and his anger and jealosly (scratched out and corrected to jeluosly and then jealosy. are either of those correct even ) and the hatred in his eyes.    His words would haunt her forever. She flushed at the thought of Mikish. (what)    Luke was right. Kish is just a deciever. What was I thinking trusting him? He was just thinking of himself. She hated Kish. (wow) There were not many she hated. (IM HOWLING RN LMAO)    She leaned against the tree. Still in shock over what had just happened. (thats not a sentence.) She needed Luke more than she knew. (ew good lord, abraham help little me. some force go back in time and just delete this sentence from existence.)    (top of the page reads: “KATHERINE JANE PARR LUVVS THIS BLUE PEN!!!!”) An eerie feeling crept over her. She stood motionless.    "Luke?“ (OH FUCK WHERE IS HE)    Silence.    "Luke?” (UH Oh)    Silence. She (FUCKING HELL THIS TYPO IM LAUGHING SO HARD) turened around. A dark figure appeared behind her. (i hope its luke)    "(man fuck 12 year old me) How dare you deny me. Illusien, (MAN FUCK 12 YEAR OLD ME) oh yes, you shall now have to choose between me and death!“ (bye im dead)    "Kish?” She backed up. “Luke! Help!” (damn it) (this scene is so)    He darted at her. She flew up. She shot a burst of flames at Kish. Luke appeared below her. He shot a burst as well. (this aint a scene) (its a goddamn cry for help)    "Go back to the shadows Mikish.“ (didnt i already say this shit? it was stupid the first time)    "Not without her, Rebel.” (why did we call him that its not cool)    "She’s not going anywhere.“ (why dont we let the lady decide?)    "Then I’ll kill you.” (WHOOOOAAAAAA. WHOAAA. DUDE CHILL.)    Illusien stepped out in front of Luke. “You will not Kish. (why nottttttt its turkey season) I don’t plan on going anywhere with you anytime soon.” The tears poured down her face as she said this. (bitch y u cryin)    "I’m not going with out you Illusien!“ (normally this would be when he became a weird 3rd wheel companion and they became his parents lmao but)    "I’m not going with you, I plan on staying with Luke.”    "I could make you (ew wwww ui dont wanna type this part) b(ereeewwwww) my (fjkldsadhfldjfkldjfkdjkfjdk) pup (py he sai d puppy) pet if I wanted to.“    "But you won’t. So if you would kindly leave.” (WHOA. FIRE QUEEN ICE COLD SIR)    "This isn’t the end. I will never surrender.“ (im so glad i learned how to write dialogue) And he left.    Illusien dropped to her knees. Luke picked her up in his (sighs forever) strong arms. He carried her back to the campsite. (thank god this sce ne is over)

—

Luke laid Illusien down. He looked at her. (way to be a creep. just stare at her. im sure she doesnt mind) He knew it was hard for her. Her first battle, it must have been rough. I’m starting to worry about her though. (random shift into first person ok)    She’s scared of what will happen next. I can honestly say I don’t blame her. (this next part was written so light that i thought the chapter was over)    He kissed her gently on the lips. She smiled back at him. She dropped her head and fell unconscious. (SLAY ME) (BURY ME IN SATIN) (NARCOLEPTIC FURRY MAN)    He covered up. (a gentleman) They could move in the morning. She needed to sleep. Her first battle would be the worst. (I HIGHLY FUCKING DOUBT THAT. THERE WERE LIKE 3 MOVES MADE???? i mean like yeah the first gym leader is harder to beat but like then you get a solid team going an shit but like the elite four??? ok)

—

Kish stomped off. (surprise) If only he could lure the rebel and Illusien somewhere towards the castle. Or at least get them away from each other. But Illusien wasn’t ready fight yet and Killing the rebel with her alive would cause her to hate him, although she already did. (what is happening)    He sat down. He had to come up with a plan. Just what would he do? (who knows man)

—

"Jesse, has he found them again?”    "Yes my lord. He had told us where they are.“ (how ???HOW YALL BITCHES AINT GOT PHONES????????????????????? TELL MEE. like i just came up with a way literally right now but i was 12 so)    "Good. If Kish has fought them–”    "He has.“ (imagine Xaladors face at being interrupted. imagine the angry egg salad)    "Then she will be weak. She will have to rejuvinate the entire night.” (ooooohhhhhhhhh so tough to do??? like go to sleep shes really good at that)    "Yes sir, that is correct.“    "Malaki, send some troops (this is where the random troll army comes in???) in. I want to capture her while she’s weak.”

—

Illusien opened her eyes. She was feeling better. Luke was sitting by the fire. (INCREDIBLE. HALFWAY THROUGH THE NOVEL WE SEE SOME INCREDIBLE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. LUKE IS THERE WHEN SHE WAKES UP FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.) She stood. She walked over to Luke. She sat next to him. (good sweet bagel bread wtf is this bullshit why )    "Luke we have to do something soon.“ (damn not even a good morning)    "I know. But I don’t want to lose you.” (bitch aint no one said shit about losing no one?? chill)    "Luke, you won’t. And that is MY promise.“ (deep fry me and put chocolate sauce on me because im so fucking done)

—

(this whole next page is scratched out. who knows what it holds but im gonna decipher it) Luke looked at Illusien. she was worried and knew they had to move soon. He looked into her murky green eyes, then looked away. (jfc man. youre so pathetic)    "If anything happened to you, I’d never forgive myself.”    "And I’d never blame you, Luke. I love you.“ (BYE FELICIA. IM DONE WITH U)    He pulled her close. she buried her face in his chest. She looked up at him.    "We have to kill him soon.” (NOW WE’RE TALKING. THIS IS WAHT I CARE ABOUT GIRL)    Illusien looked at Luke. (they do that so much) (also looked at look. ive always done that so muc h lmao) She held her breath.    "I know we’ll head there soon. Just not yet. You’re not ready.“    "Luke will I ever be read? Of course I won’t. But I know what I must do and I intend to do it.” She pulled away from Luke.    "At least rest the night you’ll need your strenghth (lmao). Promise me this.“    Her cheeks flushed.  "Fine, but we’ll head tomorrow.”    Luke pulled her into another kiss and her flush disappeared. She didn’t pull away. He broke away and kissed her forehead. “Good night.” Chapter 8: Destiny’s light

(at the the top of this page i wrote: “IM CHECKING OUT AT 11:30!!!!!” and katie wrote underneath it: “YOU GAY CRACK MONKEY” good lord) “Illusien must die now. Jesse, I cannot wait any longer. Malaki’s troups (is that the correct spelling i dont think so) should have found them by now.”    "Yes, my lord, we understand.“    "Hurry, we don’t have all night.” — “Luke I can’t sleep anymore.”    "It’s alright then. Just sleep as much as you can.“ (when the narcoleptic furry cant sleep)    (this whole part is scratched out, but as the rules say, i have to type it) Illusien scooted closer to Luke. (lol no wonder. Katie wrote like this whole page) He looked away.    "Illusien.”    "Yes, Luke?“    "Maybe it’s best if we…..”    "Yes?“    "Nevermind, Illusien. It isn’t right.” (is he askin to fuck bc)    "Okay…..“ She gave him a quesitoning look. He shook his head. (HE WAS)    Illusien took his hand. He brushed it off and got up. ("That’s not helping my boner, Illu.”)    "What is wrong, Luke?“    "Nothing.”    "Don’t say that. I know something is wrong. You don’t brush me away from you for no reason.“ (???? im lost af tbh.)    "Alright, it’s just that I keep thinking that you and me together are bring Mikish here. He seems to be drawn to us.”    "I don’t think so. It’s just his jealousy of you.“ (okay so disregard everything in that blurb because it makes no sense)    "I just can’t help feeling you know if he’s watching our every move.” (??? what does this even mean or say) `    "I know I get the same feeling.“ She looked at him dead in the eyes. (notice she didn’t look him dead in the eyes. she was dead in the eye in this sentence. amazing what one word can change)    "And that’s why I seek your comfort.” (they fuckin yall) —

Why did I tell them where they are? Kish felt like a total idiot. Now she will die. This massacre of my own heart, killing itself and all others in its path. (THERE I AM. LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL METAPHOR. I WAS IN THERE SOMEHWERE)    Hot tears streamed down his angry face. He hated her, he loved her. He hated the rebel, the rebel loved her, she loved the rebel back. He hated himself. (man this is good. of course i could write angst)    He looked to the sky. A cloudy night. Ugly, he said to himself, just like the rest of this world, all of the world, (especially Luke. Goddamn that fucker was ugly), except her.

—

Illusien sat away from Luke. She closed her eyes. She turned away from him. After their conversation she could bear to look at him. She knew he was trying to protect her but of ocurse she wished they didn’t have to worry about each other’s safety. (healthy relationships normally don’t have that element)    Illusien wiped the tears from her eyes. If Luke hadn’t saved her she would be dead. But of course, now he pushed her away. The tears came again. (GIRL YOU DONT NEED A MAN. MAYBE A HOSPICE NURSE, BUT NOT SPECIFICALLY A MAN)    She heard a nose. (not a noise. a nose) Then a rustling in the bushes. She looked, the movement stopped. (this part is so ?/?) Her hair had grown long. She picked at it. The rustling resumed. (the fuck was that about lulu. why was that a necessary detail @ 12 yr oldme)    Luke stood. Illusien looked at him. (THIS PART IS SO WTF WHY DID I DO THIS BECAUSE IT AINT MAKE A LICK OF SENSE) Then thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands (thats a v big jump in numbers) of Malaki’s troups poured in.

—

“My lord, I have good news.”    "What is it Jesse?“    "Malaki has found them and the ambush is in process as we speak.” (UHM HOW DOES HE KNOW HOMIE)    "Good. Tell Malaki to kill no one. Bring them all to me.“

–

Illusien let out a scream as she was quickly aprehended. It all seemed like it was in slow motion to Luke.    (this is my favorite part) "ILLUSIEN!!!!!”    He fought the troups. He made his way to Illusien. He was in arms reach of her hand. He went for it, but just grazed her fingers.    "I’m sorry,“ he called back. He looked at the face of the one holding her. Maliki himself. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MALIKI) The scar across his face contrasted her beauty. He was pulled away. Tears stained his eyes. (inky ass tears) He was trampled, and that was the last thing he saw, troll feet. — “Illusien.”    She blinked awake.    "Illusien.“    Her dream faded. She was alone. (yet another kink coming guys. i do not disappoint.) The rusty bars gave away her location. Xalador’s dungeon. A gruff voice mumbled behind her. (and to the end of the line we have <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3)    (And here, I blatantly stole shit from Aladdin, a movie that Im not even fond of) She turned. An old man (????/??) sat behind her. He saw the tears on her face. (i wish yall could see my face right now because i am looking so concerned for this b)    "What’s the matter with you?”    "I just want to see them one last time.“ (girl chill dont be laying it all on this brother. YOU AINT KNOW HIM)    "Who?”    "Luke and my brother.“    "Ah the love of your life and the brother you miss dearly.” (yeah, martha stewart we don’t need your commentary)    "Yes.“    "Well, I can’t promise you’ll see this Luke person again, but you will see your brother again.”    Then he seemed to disappear. She was once again alone. (WHERE DID HE GO. WHAT HAPPENED. WHAT SIGNIFICANCE DID THAT HOLD)

—

“Lord, she’s in the castle dungeons."        "Good job, Malaki. Now resume your post.” (which is?)    "Yes, sir.“    "Jesse, go check on our other prisoner. He might like to see Mikish,” he said with an evil smile. (THE TRIFECTA)

—

Luke woke to a great darkness. The silence was eerie and there was little light. (theres little light in this story anyway. as in little hope that its ever going to get better.) (I JUST REALIZED WHAT PART THIS IS AND IM GOING TO VOMIT) A red crystal appeared in the distance. It light up the darkness. There seemed to be no ground. He seemed to be floating between life and death. (how does that seem exactly)    A slight humming noise accompanied the crystal. It was growling (i think i meant growing) closer. A sound was comming from the crystal, getting louder as it grew closer. A heartbeat.    It grew closer and closer until it shattered. The beating still growing louder and louder. then he realized it was the beating (blehgggg) of (ew) her broken heart. (????/ she aight actually.)

—

Kish was in pieces. He had been called to see Lord Xalador again. He knew that they had found Illusien and the rebel boy. (scratched out bc i was literally about to PUT IN ANOTHER GUY BECAUSE LULULUKE WASNT WORKING: “He had never even found the chosen boy”) He himself had failed his task. As soon as Xalador released him, Malaki would kill Kish.    Either way, he was dead. Now, he had to make a decision; to run or face his fears.

—

Illusien sat alone. She kept thinking about how she would die and never see Luke or her brother again.    "Amber?“    "That name sounds familiar.”    "Amber is that you?“    "I don’t know you! I don’t know any Ambers!” (poor narcoleptic furry with amnesia)    Then she saw the face, the familiar face, but then it disappeared. she cried. (surprise) The tears came without control. Then she stopped, a glimmer of hope. She felt it come over her. She would see her brother again and she would see Luke. She didn’t know how, but she would.

—

Luke’s dream faded. (look at my amazing dictation that definitely never repeats itself.) His breathing was heavy. (he had a good dream apparently lmao) Sweat rolled down his face. He saw the bars. He had been captured.    What about Illusien? (written in my secret code with katie that we used through middle school is this guys name: jake, its spelled star-of-david, comma, backward k, e with a tilda over it. nice) She couldn’t be dead yet! He remembered his dream. Then he rememebered how he had treated her. (dude shut up. that was like the newlywed version of an argument and im not even sure why you started it)    "Lord, let her be alive!“    Footsteps echoed throughout the dungeons. He sat up straight. The solemn face that looked back at him was none other than (the bae) Jesse.    "You all set?”    "No.“    "Tough luck.”    "Tell me.“    "Tell you what?”    Luke grabbed Jesse by the collar of his shirt. (i guess through the bars)    "You know what I mean Jesse.“    "Oh! The girl. Yes. She’s alive. Not for much longer though.” (sass)    "My brother, you’re making a huge MISTAKE. I can’t believe you w—“ (katie was like "whore amiright” and i was like “would do this???”)    "Jesse, the guest is here.“    Kish walked in. He didn’t show any emotion on his face. Luke walked away to the other side of the cell.    "Now Kish, you realize my brother is here on your account.”    "Yes I do.“    "Well I’ll leave you two alone to talk.” Jesse walked away.    More footsteps sounded, then a door closed.    "Look rebel, I didn’t want to hurt her. But you on the other hand–“    "It’s your fault. She’ll DIE because of you. Your selfish ways have once again left another to die. If she dies, we all die. Me AND you.” Kish looked away.    Kish said nothing more and turned and left. Luke knew he had to save Illusien soon or they would both perish.

—

Illusien startled. The clanking of metal and the jingle of keys.    "The time has come.“

—

Jesse came back. This time he unlocked the door. Then pulled Lukes arms around his back. (that sounds way different than its meant. it sounds like he made luke hug him)    "I’m sorry, Luke, but now is your time.”

—

(sexual tension oooooo) Malaki forcibly pulled Illusien out. (more kink from me. im so fucking sorry im so sorry) He pulled her against him. “My, my, what a beautiful girl in such an ugly dungeon.” (KATIE ACTUALLY WROTE THAT DIALOGUE LMAO)    "It’s people like you that put me in this position.“ (SASS FROM LULU) Malaki slapped her across the face. Her cheek grew red. A sly smile ran across his scarred face.    The anger seared inside her. She felt the flames enclose her. Everything came naturally. (NEVER HIT SOMEONE FOR NO REASON DICK HEAD) She sent all her force at him. He was knocked down. He laughed. (he fire proof too??? this some bullshit)    Her grabbed her once again and took her out of the cell. (you aint run or nothing lulu????) Chapter 9: Betrayal

Luke had seen and heard what Malaki had done to Illusien. (goddamn it shut up) Thankfully, she was alive, when she passed by him he was relieved. But, then again, Malaki was so cruel to her. (CRUEL MALIKI)    Luke was drug along behind her. Being so close to her was hard for Luke. (why? can u not control ur bonerz?) He thought back on what he had said. Mikish was the least of their problems now.    He walked on. Being held by Jesse was one of the worst experiences. His own brother was leading him and the most beautiful woman he had ever met (is that really an important detail at this point in the plot????) to their death. (their singular death. they are one)    He stood strong and fought the tears (lmao be a man fight those tears birdman jr)  for he feared her life more than his. (noble tbh)

—

Illusien walked with her head down. How had Malaki absorbed her attack? (tbh i wanna know) She was scared. (A FUCKING UNDERSTATEMENT SHE IS ABOUT TO DIE TO SAY SHE IS ONLY SCARED IS A BUNCH OF B-O-L-O-G-N-A: bullSHIT)    She daren’t look at Luke. (bye. kill me) The pain she felt inside was more than she had ever felt. She loved Luke more than anyone or anything. (please get counselling illu im concerned)    She (oh god this is tHE WORST SENTENCE IN THE WHOLE THING) left a trail of tears (like the one native americans were murdered on hell yeah) as she walked. She said nothing. No sound could be heard but the sound of footsteps on the stone ground. The came to an arch. It was golden, studded with precision. The jewels glimmered.    Past and through the arch, sat a shadowy figure sat on a throne. Xalador, Illusien knew right away. This moment she had dreaded for so long was now happening.    She caught Luke’s gaze. She looked at him with longingness. (please)    "I’m sorry, Illusien.“

–

Finally the moment is here, the moment of my triumph. Xalador grinned. He would soon rule all.    He saw (weesnaw) them walk in. He felt another energy as strong as Illusien. Where was it coming from? (where tho)

—

Kish stood next to Lord Xalador. He looked at Illusien but he said nothing. Luke looked upon him hatefully.    Xalador sighed dreamfully.    "Thank you, Mikish, for making all this possible.” He saw Illusien’s gaze shift to Kish and back again.    Kish said nothing and just stood attentively.

—

Illusien directed her eyes in the direction of the shadowed Xalador. Why was he holding back his identity?    The moonlight was shining through the glass in the roof in the center of the room. They stopped under the light.    Illusien looked up, a full moon. Jesse and Malaki walked away to let them stand. Neither Luke or Illusien had enough courage to move at this point.    Suddenly, a familiar voice rang through the room.    "Well, well, well, this is Illusien? What a disgrace. A puny girl, what an opponent. But then again, looks are decieving.“ Illusien let out a laugh.    Xalador stood. He took a few steps. Then stopped.    "Mikish, follow me.” Mikish did so, obviously in fear for his life. Xalador resumed his leisurely walk. Growing closer and closer to Illusien. He finally stopped.    She could see his face. She then knew why he had hidden his identity.    "Hello, sister.“ A cold shimmery wave was sent down her spine.    "Hello, Alex.” The fear inside her was overtaken by her anger. Hot tears streamed down her face. “Tell me why.”

—

“You, that’s why. Ever since our birth you’ve been better at everything. That’s why when you passed through the arch, and you became the most powerful being on Glacitoria something had to be done. (he h8 u)    "So I created an army and moved into this abandoned caste, rightfully yours, of course. I sent Mikish after you,” Kish looked down in shame. “And sent men and trolls (TROLLS THO WHY TROLLS) after you. And now you are mine to dispose of.” He had a look of pure glee on his face. (the original shitlord)

—

Luke looked at Illusien. The truth was hard for her to grasp. He had never seen such a look on her face before. Fear had disappeared from her face and anger seared inside of her.    He had been silent for too long. He had been still too long. It was too much to bear.    "So you became a tyrant because your own flesh and blood–who would never do anything to hurt you–is a little better than you?“ (PREACH LUCANTHROS)  (wait i made that joke too early) He walked over to Illusien, "What guts that takes.” Luke grasped Illusien’s arms.    "Who’s the wimp?“ (nice)

—

(in parenthesis katie wrote: something about illusien remembering childhood here? GENIUS!!! nah tbh) Kish watched them. Illusien was soon to be dead and it would devastate him. He saw Xalador move closer. He could feel Illusien’s pulse quicken. Luke stood up to him, why couldn’t he?    He ran in front of Illusien. He blocked her the best he could.    "Kish, get out of the way,” Luke said.    "No,“ said Mikish.    "What are you doing?”    "Saving your life.“

—

Illusien was dumbstruck. There she was ready to die, when the reason she was here, decided to save her life.    "Get out of my way Mikish.”    "No.“ (thats so funny to me "do the dishes” “no” “get out my way” “no”) (“get out me car” “no” “get off me train” “i cant”)    "I will kill you too if I must.“    "Then do it.” Xalador grabbed Mikish at the base of his neck. Mikish struggled. The blue bolts of electricity that shot from Xalador’s hands were blinding. Illusien looked away. She heard a loud thump. She opened her eyes. There Kish was lying on the floor, pale, face down.    Dead. (im crying tbh im sorry im weak)    Suddenly he came after Illusien. Luke jumped in front of her. Xalador knocked him across the room.    "Luke!!“

– (this part is so stupid) There was darkness. It seemed to Luke there was no ground. The silence around him sent chills up and down his spine. A red crystal in the distance slowly crept toward him. The beating of a heart gradually getting louder: The crystal and the heart beat growing closer and closer.    Whispers:     LUCANTHROS. lucanthros LUCANTHROS (THATS WHAT LUKE IS SHORT FOR APPARENTLY GUYS. PLEASE BEAT ME UP) (katie wrote: "this is gay. no”)    Realize your strength, your power. Save her, let destiny take it’s path. Let fate decide this battle’s outcome. Do not leave her alone. Take your place as king. (shes right. its pretty homo and not in a good way)

(okay tbh im laughing because kish is way more powerful than all these fuckers. he should be king without illu bye)

—

Luke stood. Xalador had cornered Illusien. The anger seared from him. (illu you can fly and you have fire powers please do something. do not make this pussy save you) Xalador didn’t look away.    "Xalador, put her down.“    "Who are you to tell me what to do?”    "Lucanthros, and I’m ready to take back what’s mine.“    "Oh, ha, another being of ‘power’,” Xalador snickered. “It’s like having your cake and eating it too.” (plz explain what i meant to me)    Luke sent a bolt of flame at him. (A BOLT OF FLAME???? “zip ur lip like a padlock”) Xalador sent a blue jolt (looking for new words to use obviously. im digging in the trenches trying to create some variety up in this bitch) of electricity at him. This carried on, never touching. Illusien could do nothing she just sat there.( like a fucking pussy ass bitch will you plz get the fuck up and aCTUALLY DO SOMETHING YOURE ONLY THE MOST POWERFUL FUCKING THING ON THIS GODDAMN SHIT PLANET WILL YOU PLEASE FIGHT FOR ONCE) She stood to try and help. (FINALLY DUMB CUNT)    Malaki grabbed her from behind. (im so fucking done with this damsel nonsense. ive had it up to my meatballs.) Let alone watching this horrible fight she was now being held by an ugly moron.    She turned to face him.    "Malaki, put me down.“    "No” (NO PUNCTUATION. JUST NO)    "Okay then.“ She kicked him in the (dick plz say in the dick) knee (dammit) as hard as she could. He dropped to his knees. She punched him hard in the mouth (only really succeeding in nearly breaking her hand and getting her hand cut up by his teeth im sure) then grabbed his knife and stabbed him through the heart. (DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO STAB SOMEONE ILLU. ITS REALLY FUCKING HARD)    She wiped the blood on his shirt and grabbed the knife and pulled it out. Malaki’s breathing turned to gasps for air. Then he became silent.    Illusien turned. She thought back on what she had done. (it literally just happened. you need to) She shook it off. She had to help Luke. (HONEY YOU NEED TO HELP YOURSELF MAMA *demyx voice* RUN RUN AWAY)

—

Luke was dodging Xalador’s attacks the best he could. His strength was depleting. He sent one last blast at Xalador. He gasped for air. Xalador was closing in on him. Closer and closer yet. (kill him alex)    Xalador stopped. His eyes went blank. He fell limp to the floor. Malaki’s knife stuck out of his back. (thats it? literally that is so weak.YOU HAVE FUCKING FIRE POWERS. YOU GUYS COULD HAVE ROASTED HIS ASS LIKE CHARLIE SHEEN) Illusien wept into her hands. Luke ran over to comfort her.    "Why? I killed them, I killed them both.” (you are the worst character i have ever made) Illusien wept harder, “I spent all this time looking for him, and he just wanted to kill me.” (bitch you were not looking very carefully. you were busy wandering in the woods pointing out woodland creatures and trying to find the D where ever you could get it tbh. smh)    "I’m sorry. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you.“ (BECAUSE YOU FUCKING KNEW THAT SHE WOULDNT BELIEVE YOU. AND IF SHE DID SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE FOLLOWED YOU, SHE WOULD HAVE NEVER FOUGHT HIM. SHE WOULD HAVE HIDDEN.) (ITS A FUCKED UP SITUATION LUKE BIRD)    "It’s alright. (IT IS NOT) I just can’t believe I killed him.” Luke put his arms around her. She opened her eyes. Kish!    She broke away from Luke. Kish, he was dead. (THATS ALSO A FUCKED UP SITUATION) She held him close to her. She let him down and sat there. Luke sat next to her. He took her hand.

— (I JUST ABOUT PISSED MY PANTS THIS PART IS WAY TOO FUNNY WHY) Jesse walked back into the room. He realized what he just missed. (like did he go get some popcorn??) There were three bodies on the floor. Only one of them was suppose to be dead. (…that means they were going to kill Kish anyway…thats really)    He grabbed his knife from his hip. He started on his way to Luke. Luke stood and caught his hand. (dude)    "What now, Jesse?“    "Why aren’t you dead?” (“cause we won duh”)    (this part please help me) “Cause I’m smart like that.” (i)    "Oh really? Well I’ll show you smart.“    "Stop Jesse you don’t know what you’re doing.” (that is the most monotone sentence)    "I know pretty damn (KATIE SCRIBBLED DAMN ALL THE WAY OUT) well what I’m doing. Taking care of the problem in my life!“ (jesse. this literally did not work half a second ago. chil l) Jesse dove at Luke, he dodged. (hes fuckin untouchable.) (SPEAKING OF WHICH I LITERALLY NEVER ELABORATED ON WHY MALAKI WAS COMPLETELY IMMUNE TO FIRE)    "Trust me you have no idea what your doing.”    "I know what I’m doing so just give up!“    "No.” (lmao)    "Fine, I’ll kill you both. And don’t argue with me. Since I’m the only one left, you’ll either (??/?) become my slaves (????? dude chill a sec) or die, your choice.“    "As welcoming as that sounds, no thank you. We don’t do evil.” Illusien said with a smirk. (bitch you gotta go.)    "No body asked you bitch.“ (WOW JESSUP I NEED TO WASH UR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP) Jesse pointed at her. (ok what pointing going to do cause you cant do anything unless bitches asleep) Luke shot him an evil look.    "I’ll give you ten seconds to get out of here. As long as you stay in a hole and leave everyone alone, we won’t have a problem. 1, 2, 3…”    Jesse made a sour face. Then turned to leave (????? man you give up way too easy) but Luke grabbed him from behind. (incEST)    "I actually have a better idea.“

Chapter 10: Secret Emotions

(why did i write this chapter is actually the title) (jessup immediately makes me angry lmao) I can see why Luke loves her. You can see all of her emotions plainly. She’s beautiful and sees the good in people even when there is none. (NAME ONE INSTANCE PLEASE JESSUP) She even hesitated to killl Malaki (no she didnt) and Xalador when they only wanted to see her die slowly and painfully.    Of course she loves HIM. (she actually knows him better than you so yeah that acTUALLY MAKES MORE SENSE THAN HER LOVING YOU DUMB ASS) She would never love me. (cause you’ve been a little shit so far) How I envy Luke. And how did I end up here?! Seriously, the dungeon?    I hate Luke. He has everything I never could have. Including her. (you NEED TO TAKE A CHILL PILL AND RE-EVALUATE)

—

Illusien looked up at Luke. (she had literally been sucking his dick for like an hour. when was he going to finish) (im sorry) (SHE LOOKS AT HIM ALL THE TIME) She wanted to sleep and never wake up. She had killed two men. (wow) One of which had been her own brother. She looked at her hands. They were blood stained.    She didn’t feel like crying anymore. You know, she never even cared that much about Alex. (ARE YOU SURE?)  But still, even so, it was like killing herself inside. (emo narcoleptic furry) Malaki deserved what he got tho. (preach)    Jesse was in the dungeons. She was sort of glad Luke hadn’t killed him. (why) Sure she had killed Malaki and Xalador, but she had watched them and Kish die and she didn’t want to see anyone else.    "So I created an army and moved into this abandoned castle, rightfully yours of course,” she remembered that. Xalador had said that in his monologue. (BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL IM PISSING)    "So this castle is mine? Oh, I’m sorry ours?“ (im making a stinky face right now this is so unnecessary i did not sign up for this)    "Yes.  You can kick me out whenever you want…..” (plz stop)    She pushed him, “Shut up!” He laughed. (his laughter echoed through the halls. the dead bodies did not laugh.)    "Like I could ever get rid of you.“ She gave a playful smile.    "Oh and your highness, what do we do with the bodies?” (totally a question you ask in a playful, flirtatious manner.)    "Give them a proper burial, at least Kish anyway,“ she paused. "And don’t call me that!” (this is all katie get ready lmao) (this was written in the dark by the light of my alarm clock after my parents told us to go the fuck to sleep)    "Did you love him?“ (BUT DID YOU DIE?)    "I thought I did, but i could never love somebody who decieved me and lied straight to my face.”1    "He loved you, Illusien. Very much.  I could see it written all over his face everytime he looked at you.“    "I know I saw that too.”    "To be honest with you, I was worried. When I first rescued you, I could see the fear in your eyes when I told you Kish was an imposter. You didn’t want to believe me. (well duh) I saw the look in your eyes when I said his name. The same look as when you look at me now.“ (how quaint) (recycled love)    "It was hard for me but….”    "Let me finish please? (IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT. KISH WAS THE BEST LOVER BOY OF ALL TIME. JS) The moment I saw you, I knew I loved you. (ew?) At first, I thought you wouldn’t love me back because of Kish. You thought you owed him something when in reality he owed you his life. (OH SO HE DESERVED TO DIE. THATS WHAT YOU JUST SAID. THIS IS SUCH A DICK CONVO) The day when you had flying lessons with me and you fell, he saw your face when I kissed you. Sorry, but your facial expressions give everything away. (get ready for a katie-ism) Your face is a whiteboard of emotions. (the fuck that mean) He realized what was happening and he resorted to anger.“    "I felt guilty because I kissed you in front of his eyes. He was so angry, it scared me.”    "It scared me too. I think the kiss is what drove him to tell Xalador where we were. I could see that he later regretted his decision. He hated me but couldn’t do anything about it. If he killed me, you would be in jeporady. (lmao) If he took you away from me, you would be taken to Lord Xalador. He was torn between you and Xalador. The only reason he served Xalador was so he could live. He only wanted to live, to see you. Kish was a complex person. (???) It was too bad that he misleaded you. But now I’m here to love and protect you (from nothing now lmao) and nothing can stop that.“ He looked at her. Her face was distorted with tears. (NOT A GOOD WORD TO USE WOW) She looked up at Luke.    "That was so sweet, Luke.” (NO IT WASNT)

—

Luke saw the tears in Illusien’s green eyes. He didn’t aim for this. Now was supposed to be a happy time for the both of them. (uh no its not.)    But now, he made Illusien cry. Come on stupid, think! he thought.    "I’m sorry Illusien. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I–I….“ she stopped him.    "Don’t be Luke.” He stopped talking. She seemed to bend reality with her beauty. (NOT A GOOD TIME FOR THIS) They stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed forever. (quit)    "May I Illusien?“ (may you what)    "Yes Luke”    And they kissed. (ew) Luke looked at Illusien’s face. All her emotions showed on her face. She was relaxed now. He held on to the back of her head. (THAT SOUNDS REALLY VIOLENT LIKE HES GRIPPING HER BY HER HAIR) She broke off as if she had remembered something.    "What about your brother, Jesse? (“I’m gonna make torture porn with him and sell it online”) Where is he going to go now?“ She looked worried. He wondered why.    "For all I care he can rot in the dungeon.”    "Well we have to go down to him.“    "Why?”    "Just because he is evil, doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve any mercy. He is your brother after all.“    "That’s one thing I hate but, love about you, you can see the good in everyone, even my brother.”

—

Jesse was listening. He could hear every word they were saying.    "Well I choose to see good things and not bad,“ she said with a flip of her hair. Luke gave her a sly smile.    "Let’s at least check on him.”    "Fine.“ Jesse sat as if he knew nothing. (how do you do that) The door opened. Footsteps sounded.    "Okay, we’ve checked on him. Let’s go.”    "No, please, Luke, you promised.“    "Fine.”    They walked to him.    "How you doing Jesse?“    "Horrible.”    "So sorry,“ said Luke. "Let’s go please.”    "Stop nagging.“    "Jesse I’m very sorry your down here. But, it’s your ch–” Illusien grabbed Luke without turning around to pull him back. “–ildish actions that caused this.”    "Jesse, I really don’t want to talk to you at this moment,“ Luke let the words escape from his mouth.    "Too bad,” Jesse looked at Illusien, “I’m sorry, it’s just that I really think I can be good now (lmao me tbh) let me out?”    Illusien scooted closer to Luke. “Not on your life, sport.”

—

Luke put a protective arm around Illusien. She smiled up at him.    Oh come on, Jesse thought, do they have to do all this in front me? Are they just torturing me before they kill me? (me too jesse. me too)    "All right Luke, I’m going to look around the castle. You STAY HERE and TALK to your brother.“ Luke opened his mouth to say something.    "Please, Luke?” Illusien motioned to Luke to talk while she was gone. Without another word, she walked out of the room.    Jesse watched her go. (dat ass ma) So beautiful, he thought. Jesse was rammed against the wall. (howd luke get inside the cell) He looked at who rammed him. (cause it could be anyone else only bird man is there) Luke was holding him against the wall.    "Don’t get your hopes up, Jesse. Your heart will get broken faster than you can say 'I’m sorrry.’ (yes with 3 rs) Besides, Illusien is mine. I love her and she loves me. It’s odd. When we were growing up all the other girls liked you. (all the other girls had eyes, luke) But the one girl that actually matters likes me and NOT you.“ He paused a moment. "I wonder why.”    "I don’t care what you say,“ Jesse spat. "I can have anything and anyone I want. (katie really grossly mischaracterizes him) If they don’t cooperate, I’ll MAKE them. I’m far more powerful than Xalador ever was, and you know it.” (thats not true by a long shot sport)    "I know for a fact that if you had half of the brains he had, you would know that you can’t MAKE someone love you.“    "I can if I want to.”    "Well obviously you must NOT have the brains. Perhaps I judged you too fairly.“ (you simple)    "You know that this isn’t a game Luke. You can cheat. And I promise you if you play fair you’ll come in last.” Luke turned to go.    "And Luke, you might want to watch Illusien’s back. Just a fair warning.“ Luke started back toward Jesse but stopped himself. Luke shook his head and walked upstairs.

—

Illusien was worried. She had been heading downstairs when she had heard what Jesse said to Luke.    She quickly ran up the stairs. Luke came up soon afterwards.    "What’s the matter with you?”    "Nothing, its nothing!“    "It’s something. I know something’s wrong.”    "I’m just worried thats all. I’m going up to my room. I’m beat.“    "Your room?”    "Yeah it jas my name on it.“ She walked up stairs and turned the key in the lock. She took out the key and walked into the room.    It was beautiful, light blue walls were decked with tapestries. She saw the bed. She crawled in. She didn’t care what it felt like. She was bushed.

—

Luke turned down the corridor. He saw Illusien’s room. He reached to turn the door knob, but then changed his mind. He walked to the next corridor. Another room sat. He opened the door. He saw Illusien sleeping. (????????????????????????????????)    He closed the door lightly and went down the next corridor and finally found an empty room.    Once he got in, he sat on the bed and lit the candle besides the bed. He buried his head in his hands. What was he going to do about Jesse? What if he carried out his threat?    Illusien must have heard him. She sounded worried. Then again she had a pretty hard day.    He blew out the candle and went to sleep.

—

Illusien sat at Kish’s grave. She was silent. Luke came and sat next to her and put his arm around her.    "Thank you , Kish. You brought her to me, and now she’s safe. You finally got it right.”