A little late after the episode but I do have some (over 1k worth) thoughts on BMF and how they handled the whole sex thing that I need to let out before I even go into the tag.
I'll say this show has been very pleasantly surprising the last few episodes, and I was quite impressed with how they handled and addressed very real queer experiences - if it's Pisaeng's beautiful journey with the gay bar, his mom's "acceptance", and the beautiful beautiful rally with the wonderful speakers discussing queer struggles and more.
That's why I had a tiny bit of hope for an asexual Kawi following his comments about sex (can two people who date never have sex? YEAH!), but I wasn't holding on to it very much because I'm a realistic not delusional leg :') So as much as I LOVE this idea and think it could have been very interesting and important and a great opportunity to explore asexuality and relationships - I will write here under the assumption that Kawi is allo and is meant to be sexually attracted to Pisaeng.
One of my least favorite tropes in bl is "the blushing maiden"- where one character really pushes the other into intimacy and the other is avoiding it. If two characters are in a relationship- let them both be interested in each other!!! (uwma and between us are two of my least favorite bls from those I watched bc of that. Bad Buddy is probably my favorite because they show the mutuality of the relationship very well). Some examples for it being done well are MSP - they're BOTH shy and both do want it, they're just kids. When Tinn asks for kisses Gun is flustered and Tinn does it in a teasing way, and very much respects Gun's wishes. Not to mention, he ends up being even more shy.
I think the most similar to what BMF seems to be trying to show would be The Eclipse. Akk is extremely repressed. He's full of self-loathing and internalized homophobia and every time Aye pushes it's to help him be able to do what he wants without needing to admit it. Credit is definitely due to First's superb acting skills because he's effortlessly able to show the audience how much he's torn inside, how much he's very much into Aye, how he WANTS to touch him and be intimate with him, but he's scared and has a lot holding him back. Of course it's not perfect but it didn't give me the ick as much as uwma did, and not as much as BMF did too.
Which brings me to Kawi and Pisaeng.
Pisaeng made this beautiful journey for self-acceptance and embracing his queerness. We as the audience also know how easily things could have turned different and he would marry Pear without even coming out! So we know how much of a struggle it was, and it's reasonable to think- still is, for him to accept his attraction to men. I think that is part of what makes this dynamic between them so jarring - I want to celebrate Pisaeng's confidence, he's being sweet and romantic and giving his bf positive attention in an unapologetic queer way - but then the way Kawi reacts to it makes me also wants to hate it, to feel like Pisaeng is pressuring him and being predatory, demanding without consent.
But it's not what happens. Because of everything I mentioned about Pisaeng, and because he's charming and cute and has been through all that, I find myself "rooting for him" (why are there sides to be rooting for???) and thinking man Kawi is annoying! Didn't he say he's into Pisaeng?? Why can't he show it too, make him feel loved and wanted like he deserves? But that's a mindset I don't want to fall into.
But what I'm missing to feel more sympathetic towards Kawi is what I found in MSP and in The Eclipse - show me he does want it but he's scared, he's not ready, he's shy, anything! But now what I'm getting from him is that he doesn't actually like Pisaeng at all, and all that changed was their official status.
I was very excited for the chat he had with Max (a little bit because he really did sound like an asexual there and I had hope), because up until now he had very good advice and gave great queer insight.
I loved how he talked about his experiences, and said that yes, sex is an essential part of his relationships but - I was so sure he was gonna say it's different for everyone, that Kawi shouldn't do anything he's not ready for and that he should talk to Pisaeng about it.
Instead, when Kawi said he doesn't find sex to be that important in a relationship (ace Kawi! ace Kawi!!), Max kinda shamed him with "well you're a virgin so you don't know", and basically told him "you're gonna do it eventually so might as well now, you're lucky it's with someone you love". Which is kind of a horrible advice IMO. Another approach they could take is tackle why it is that Kawi is so reluctant, discuss his internalized homophobia that still makes him perceive gay sex as wrong and how he can get over it and embrace this part of himself. But the reasoning for him to do it being "just do it" ugh. No thanks.
Another direction I thought it might take and I would have been happy with is Pisaeng maybe apologizing for pushing and expressing hid sadness that Kawi doesn't want him or isn't into him or something like that, and Kawi would then explain and express how much he DOES want him but he's just not ready. ANYTHING. to make me believe Kawi is into Pisaeng and not just forcing himself because he's told he needs to.
The amusement park analogy was a bit on the nose - if you don't try the rollercoaster it's like you haven't really been here = if we don't have sex our relationship doesn't count. Which, ouch. But yeah "it's ok if you're scared, I'll be with you and hold your hand the whole time".
I was a bit surprised they ended up not going, and then again at the car with the roof, but after further thought I realized it was - Kawi saw Pisaeng respects his wishes and doesn't actually cross his boundaries and so he trusts him enough by the end of the episode. Still, the fact they had sex felt... wrong. After Kawi spent the whole episode being scandalized by anything touch related, his conversation with Max, him being scared shitless to find lube, the theme park and then the dinner - the transition to having sex felt lacking. Them just having sex without any sort of discussion about Kawi's reluctance, talking about how it's actually both of their first times (I assume? at least with a man), how it's ok to take it slow.. Idk, Kawi couldn't bear KISSING Pisaeng up until this point, so now they're having sex? It made it feels like he's forcing himself which is the last thing I want for their relationship. I want to see them both wanting each other :')
There were some great highlights like Kawi staring at Pisaeng in bed or calling his mom but for me it wasn't enough to make me feel like their relationship is built on mutual attraction.
9 notes
·
View notes