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inspector-montoya-fox · 4 years

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here’s why Thieves in Time is a bad game

before y’all try it, i just want to say that i’ll be as unapologetically petty and sarcastic as i want and fucking rip this game to shreds. yes, this is how i’ve spent my days since Thieves in Time came out. sitting alone in my room, staring at the wall, crying and complaining. because it has since been my life’s aim and dream to think about it every day, state the negative things about it, and become an evil essay witch on this half-dead website. *evil laugh*

Story:

References: i want to start with the smallest problem, but one that annoys me to this day. in the original trilogy, there weren’t a lot of references but the ones that were included were meticulously researched and well thought-out (i’m specifically referring to that Neil Diamond Carmelita vinyl gag, but can’t find the original post). the references in Thieves in Time however, were obviously just the creators’ interests. Turning Japanese, Clan of the Cave Bear and Bentley’s “hacksona” presented as Rambo just scream 1980s (which i’m assuming is the decade the creators grew up in), and Of Mice and Men is classic literature about the Great Depression, which subsequently started being taught in school in the US during the 1980s. it feels like the creators just went ‘let’s discuss what our lives had in common during our teen years and put that in’ instead of researching it first. and, here’s the thing: when you’re adding references, in order to make them funny or interesting, they have to fit in with the property or the character that’s connected to them in some way. Don Octavio was an opera aficionado so his episode’s title card pays homage to the Phantom of the Opera, young Muggshot was influenced by the movie “The Dogfather” because he’s a gangster, etc. these were funny because they were so spot-on with these characters. if every character in the Sly Cooper universe references the same type of stuff (from the 1980s) and shares the same interests, it’s just claustrophobic and uninteresting. i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one who had to look up these ultra-hetero, scrotum references when the game came out. that’s because they were specifically tailored to be funny to them, and not their target demographic which were kids in 2013.

Narrative: now that we got that out of the way, let’s look at the narrative. at the end of Sly 3, Bentley says he’s building a time machine. Sanzaru took that joke and decided to run with it as the premise for their game. ok, not the best idea, but i get it - you’re literally picking up where the last game left off. since all the storylines were wrapped up, they could’ve done something different like Sly’s kids or Bentley and Murray’s families, but this isn’t an essay about suggestions so...... time travel (i want to say that it’s, again, an 80s reference but whatever) was pretty ‘out there’ in 2013. i mean, even Plants vs Zombies 2, which was released that year, had to do with time travel (yes, i’m referencing an app). but Sanzaru had the advantage of applying this premise onto already established mythos and lore. the story had definite potential: someone is threatening Sly’s lineage so he has to travel back in time to save the day. the player would get to explore new locations and iconic eras in history, and, of course, the main selling point: playable ancestors. how could you screw that up? welp.... let’s think about the plot holes here for a sec. Bentley’s device would take the gang back in time when given an item from the specific era. stop. this right here is called ‘over-complicating’. how did they know the items would take them directly to the point where the specific ancestor was in danger? the Feudal Japan period lasted for 700 years: how did the machine know when and where to drop them off? and if the gang could return to the present at any time, why didn’t they do so when they were in trouble? oh right, the machine was broken. so how did they return the baddies to the present after they defeated them? i mean, why did they use the Grizz’s crown to travel to Medieval England if they went back to the present to drop him off to Interpol first? and on that note, how did they drop the baddies off to jail without getting caught and without Carmelita being around? i can already hear you thinking but these are total details that aren’t important, you jerk! well, yea, they truly are details and i truly am overthinking it. and yes, i truly am a jerk. but let me tell you something: when Sanzaru chose to make a new Sly game, did they not think ‘oh we’ll have to follow up Sly 2 and Sly 3′s stories’ which were well thought-out narratives with depth and various themes and didn’t have huge plot holes (as seen by my analysis through the episode project) ???? and did they also not think that their game would come out eight years after the last one, having expectations at an all-time high???? yea, that’s what i thought.

Characters: i’ll make a different section for Sucker Punch’s characters, so this is for Sanzaru’s original ones. name one iconic original character from Thieves in Time. i’ll wait... nope. not one. that’s because all of them were absolute shit. and here’s where i want to touch upon Sanzaru’s over-reliance on the trilogy. Ms Decibel (perhaps the most obvious copy) is a mix between Don Octavio, Miz Ruby, and the Contessa. El Jefe is Rajan if he went to the gym. Toothpick has Sir Raleigh’s temper and tendency to grow in size. and the Grizz is... whatever the fuck he is. (don’t worry i didn’t forget Le Paradox and Bob). there’s a difference between studying & creating similar characters and blatantly plagiarizing older characters because you lack the creativity. oh, boo-hoo this evil jerk’s telling it how it is. this set of villains is so lacklustre, i don’t even know where to begin. El Jefe is a tiger, even though we’ve already had two major tiger villains and one tiger flashlight guard. ok. Rajan could summon lightning because of the Clockwerk heart but El Jefe can do the same, how exactly? Toothpick is an armadillo (good) from Russia (better) with an obsession with the West (excellent) who can also grow huge (very bad). it’s never explained how or why. why?????? just tell me why. i want to know. i really want to know. Ms Decibel is an elephant who got into a tragic accident which left her with the power of hypnosis. music and hypnosis have already been done, but ok, i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. so how do we use this character? spend the entirety of her screen time making jokes about... wait for it... her weight !!! this is top-notch comedy... really? like... really? the creators’ humor is a crime, at best. fart jokes and fat jokes all around. oh, and then there’s the Grizz. what the fuck where they thinking? just, what the fuck. i guess the guys at Sanzaru thought black people speak in rap? is that it? apart from it being extremely offensive, it’s also a blatant copy of Dimitri’s backstory. like, his introductory cutscene even has his paintings thrown at him and into the trash, like the intro cutscene for The Black Chateau. honestly, all of these villains caused me several types of pain, but not as much as...

Bob & Le Paradox: the absolute worst. i can just imagine the meeting going something like this: Sly’s ancestors are awesome! i wish we could fit them all in the game... here’s an amazing idea! what if we use one of the game’s few levels to introduce a brand new ancestor! yea! let’s make him dumb as fuck, strip him of any athletic prowess, and retcon the entire lineage by having him be the first Cooper ever! the kids will love a prehistoric level! ..... could you kindly point out where and when did ANYONE ask for this? i remember @ironicsnap saying something like the game is good until Bob. no, it was already bad - Bob just lowered the standard. like, a lot. people love Murray and his gameplay is neat, but no one ever thought ‘oh i wish we had a Cooper character with Murray’s game style’. why would they waste the opportunity to bring in Henriette, Thaddeus, Otto, literally any ancestor? why??? but they went ahead and created their own Cooper, and that wasn’t even the end of it. they had to make him dumb. they had to make him unbearable. they had to ruin the Cooper ancestry by adding this mess to the lineage. Sucker Punch made sure that all the ancestors were unique, but at the same time made all of them suave and funny and slick and you wish you could be them! well, fuck that. also, his name is Bob. Bob Cooper. it’s been 7 fucking years and i still can’t wrap my head around it.... so now, let’s talk about Le Paradox. i don’t have to mention the previous main villains, but i will. Clockwerk killed Sly’s ancestors and father, and was seemingly an eternal threat. Neyla was a psychopath who fooled everyone on her journey to becoming immortal by resurrecting Clockwerk. Dr M opened up the possibility for Sly’s dad to be a jerk instead of a hero, and died trying to unlock the Coopers’ legacy. how does Le Paradox compare? well, he’s a sleazebag skunk who was mad because of his dad’s downfall to the Coopers. that’s it. no twist, no depth, no clever dialogue. nothing. there’s nothing there. this is a new character, unfamiliar to everyone, who was hyped up for 5 levels and defeated in the conclusion. why was he a match for Sly? i don’t know. how did he fight for his life and ultimately tricked Sly into helping him? i don’t know. how the hell did he kidnap Carmelita? i don’t know. was it the power of persuasion? no, he’s revolting. so i literally don’t know. there’s no backstory, no fleshing-out the character, nothing. all we’re given to work with is a brief info-dump about his dad and how he escaped prison. i don’t know what else to say apart from how big a humiliation this was for Sanzaru and their team of writers. you had 8 years to work on something and this is what you came up with? anything would be better. anything would best this utter cliché of a villain, a distasteful misogynist, crybaby, idiot with an accent. literally anything.

Arcs & Themes: let’s take a look at the formulaic subplots for the gang’s members. apart from dealing with Le Paradox, everyone had a small arc. Sly had to deal with his break-up with Carmelita. Bentley had to deal with his break-up with Penelope. Murray had to deal with playing second fiddle to Bob. Carmelita was a damsel in distress and sex bait for the ancestors. the ancestors had their own mini storylines along with reacting to Sly’s presence. there you have it. i summarised it all for you, nice and neatly. are there any themes like in the previous games? nope. i promise you i’m not lying when i say that i tried hard to come up with something, even some speck of a detail i could use to over-analyse the story and come up with some ideas on themes. nothing. there are no themes. the subplots are character-driven and the player gives it 0 emotional investment. there is nothing to analyse, nothing to talk about. maybe even a theme for each level, like a spooky level or something? nope. the levels are dependent on eras and historical periods. the variation here is ok. Feudal Japan, Wild West, Prehistoric Australia, Medieval England and Ancient Arabia - pretty good selection. i’ll give them credit for it. but that’s it. due to the absence of themes, the hubs feel empty. there’s no replayability factor. after you collect the bottles and masks and treasures, there’s nothing. i would spend hours revisiting the trilogy’s hubs, just roaming around. the hubs here are huge and empty. there’s nothing to reminisce about. nothing to recall. oh that’s where this mission went down. no, nothing like that. the aforementioned subplots are resolved during mission cutscenes and then they’re gone. you don’t have to explore spooky Prague alone as Bentley to have him overcome his fears, you don’t have to find out miners abducted Murray’s beloved Guru and search the Australian outback for him, you don’t have to hold back your tears when you’ve reached the end of the Cooper Vault and Sly asks his dad for help. nothing.

Gameplay:

Controls: as soon as i laid my hands on the controller the first time i played the game, that fateful afternoon, i knew something was up. Sly would respond 1 second late after you pushed something on the controller. it felt clunky, is what i’m trying to say or, as my sister put it, it felt heavy. and she was right. the controls were clunky and heavy and didn’t feel light, like playing as a thief should feel. i don’t know shit about game mechanics but this definitely didn’t feel right. the hubs are also chunky in design, the cliffs are huge and so cyclical or hexagonal, that when you parachute your way to them and are just an inch close, Sly will automatically just drop because he can’t grab onto them. running as Sly doesn’t feel fast, silently obliterating guards from behind feels slow, and swinging, grabbing, pickpocketting, and hanging aren’t fun anymore. presentation-wise, @designraccoon goes into detail here, in an absolute gem of a post. in short, the gameplay animations make Sly look less sneaky. Sanzaru didn’t even consider a thief’s movements.

Missions: why the fuck would you remove the player’s option to choose between which mission to do first? why would you do that? the game lays out what goes first, sometimes having only one mission available in the hub. and the missions aren’t even enjoyable. firstly, the loading screens take up to 5 minutes, maybe even 7-8. secondly, there’s hacking every 2 missions. the missions don’t have any dialogue to make them fun, lack in interesting puzzles, what more can i say? they’re overly easy and lack any challenge whatsoever. at least there’s variation in gameplay (hacking, RC car, fishing, costumes, ancestors, turret etc.) but because of the controls, even these get tiresome. the missions are solely there to progress the story and that’s why the operations are merely ‘storm the main baddie’. the trilogy had some pretty interesting missions which made sure to complete jobs required to take down the big bad. e.g. kidnap General Clawfoot to take down the security, hack Contessa’s computer to make sure Carmelita will be freed, steal voices to tempt Neyla, and then take down the Contessa. the missions in Thieves in Time lack substance and variety. and the hacking (all three styles) sucks.

Collectibles: here’s another fantastic idea: have players collect costumes in order to collect bottles in order to collect treasures in order to collect masks in order to unlock funky Sanzaru logo-themed merch! what was the reason for the collectibles? in previous games, collecting all bottles would unlock special abilities. that was it. it’s the same thing here too, but there’s less incentive? i mean when you have to collect 1000 things, what’s the point? the treasures are random and very few are references to the trilogy, so whatever. and the masks unlock... superhero costumes for what reason exactly? oh, and then there’s also the achievements for your Playstation account, like ‘open the map in every single location you visit’. what fun! if the reason for collecting the treasures is to play godawful hacking minigames in order to get masks, what’s the point? decorate your paraglider with the Sanzaru logo? or have Bentley dress up as discount Robocop? i mean including masks in the interior locations was cool, but the bottles were always supposed to be something you could do whenever your soul desired. sometimes i left them last before the operation, sometimes i collected them before the first mission. so i was pissed when i found out that, in some cases, you had to unlock the episode’s costume in order to get the all the bottles. so, fuck off.

Animation: i’ll keep this short. the animation was terrible. do you remember that tumblr blog from a while back, where she dedicated the posts to pointing out the mistakes in the animated cutscenes? yeah. point is, there were lots of them. the animation style was bad, the character design was ugly, the characters’ movements were unnatural. everything about it was shit. looking past the bad decision to drop the trilogy’s comicbook-style animated cutscenes, couldn’t they have hired someone better? someone with more experience? their concept art was awesome. couldn’t they hire that guy and have it be comicbook style if he wasn’t trained in animation?

Legacy:

The Players: let me ask a genuine question: who was this game made for? kids growing up in 2013? maybe so. because it feels like Sanzaru didn’t even consider the fans of the trilogy. actually, it felt like a huge fuck you. Sucker Punch made their trilogy for whoever. there were great stuff for kids, but adults would pick up and appreciate the references, the real-life setting (e.g. tobacco use, existence of nightclubs, spice instead of drugs, etc.). that’s why all three games are timeless classics. judging by Thieves in Time’s humor, the game wasn’t targeted for adults. so, it doesn’t make sense to use an already established property, beloved by its fans, to attract a new audience consisting of nine year-olds who’d laugh at Murray dressing up as a woman. if they really wanted to appeal to the fans of the original, why retcon everything? why change who the first Cooper was? when the gang’s stranded in Saudi Arabia, why have Sly say ‘i couldn't remember a time since we've teamed up that we felt so defeated’? the gang’s been in way deeper shit before. why the ‘Sly’s dad vs Le Paradox’s dad’ deus ex machina? Sly’s dad wasn’t famous because of stealing the world’s largest diamond, what the fuck are you even talking about? do the guys at Sanzaru have such big egos and bravado that they needed to change the original games’ lore? were they so preoccupied with leaving their signature on a property which was never their own? i don’t know who needs to read this, but i’m stating FACTS.

Characters: now let’s talk about Sanzaru’s treatment of the Cooper gang and the ancestors (female characters will get their own section). why would you change the characters like that? if it wasn’t for the voice acting, i’d say this is a completely different Cooper gang. there’s no wise-cracking band of best friends, going on heists and being proud of their brotherhood and bond. all that is replaced with the formulaic story arcs for each member. the trilogy’s cutscenes and dialogues made sure to establish how Sly, Bentley and Murray have lived together since they met at the orphanage, play videogames all day and order chinese food and pizza and whatever. through missions and their adventures, they face obstacles they have to overcome as a gang, and when Sly 3 came around, their friendship was put to the ultimate test when they almost disbanded. Thieves in Time was too lazy to add to this. Sanzaru thought ‘oh the trilogy showed how they’re best friends so we might as well have them focus on their own stories separately’ and if this is truly the case then i ask again: who was this game made for? because new fans would never know how tight the gang was just by playing Thieves in Time. there’s a lack of genuine friendship moments. like, what happened when Sly came back after faking his amnesia? that’s completely ignored. where’s the witty banter? the ‘wizard & sitting duck’ type of jokes? nothing of the sort. what we get is fart jokes and Murray wanting to dress up as a woman. on that note, what was that all about? ok, have him dress up as a geisha to get in. fine. have El Jefe slap his ass, have him perform in a painfully lengthy dance sequence, have him dress like that during the rest of the episode, and then have him be persistent about getting the belly-dancing gig? the hell? Murray was always kinda goofy but this just feels kinda homophobic? it feels dragged out and unfunny. and then there’s the ancestors. i said it once before and i’ll say it again, Sanzaru deprived me of a buff Arab daddy Salim Al Kupar and gave us that elderly shit instead. all jokes aside, the redesigns were uninteresting. why take away Tennessee Kid’s facial hair and give it to Galleth? i legitimately think all the ancestors were boring. i mean, their gameplay was cool, especially Tennessee Kid’s guns, but in terms of character, they were just some dudes. did they believe that Sly was their descendant from the future? maybe. did they care? nope. they all had the same storyline of dealing with Sly’s arrival, flirting with Carmelita and getting their canes stolen. that was it. the fans waited for so long to get even a glimpse of the ancestors in action, and Sanzaru downplayed all of them. they reduced them to useless idiots too occupied with women and food, incapable of getting their canes back from stupid Le Paradox. and they didn’t even stick to the lore. no ma’am. let’s make Rioichi the inventor of sushi !! because that makes total sense and would defo fit in with the character and the property! why. just, why. you were handed the lore !!! you were given all this rich backstory and you threw it all away to replace it with trash !!! complete trash.

Changes & Inconsistency: i want to briefly mention some changes that pissed me off. where’s the laser glide move? it was an important turning point at the end of Sly 3, so why did they get rid of it? Sly is a master thief who’s traveling back in time, so you’d think they’d actually make him a master thief. also, the changes in the binocucom and Bentley’s slideshows in order to modernise them. if Sucker Punch managed to place the mission starting points at locations where the binocucom would show the objective clearly, so could Sanzaru. instead, they chose to have it be a moving camera, floating around the hub. and Bentley’s slideshows were absolute classics, opportunities to include gags and have Bentley show off in his own way. you just had to change it into a tablet, didn’t you. omg you’re still looking at small details like these? yes sweetie, i consider the details because i think they shape the game more than anything. if i didn’t consider the details, then my opinion on the game would be incomplete. when i praise the trilogy i don’t only look at story and gameplay. because i’m unbiased like that. here, i’d also like the mention Dimitri. what a fucking waste. you either include him in the game or you don’t. but don’t give me some half-baked shit on how he’s working for the gang back in present day. Dimitri staying home, waiting on the gang to call him in order for him to give them details on the villains. how does that even slightly resemble anything about Dimitri’s character? they didn’t even include his voice, some greasy sweet Raccoonus Doodus dialogue.

Female Characters: you know it’s all been leading up to this. this is the crux of the Thieves in Time hate. i don’t want to say the game is misogynistic so i’ll call it anti-feminist. why? just answer me. why? why did you have to disrespect Carmelita like that? right off the bat, they swapped the pants for the skirt. in what world does an active inspector who’s always on the scene wear a skirt? Carmelita now wears a skirt because her only role in the game is to be the love interest. Carmelita now wears bright red lipstick and has a new hairstyle, which would be ok if only it wasn’t Carmelita. Carmelita now plays up her inner sassy Latina because she’s pigeonholed into the ‘angry ex girlfriend’ role. they compartmentalised her, tried to sexualise her because she couldn’t possibly be one of the boys. nope. let’s take a respected woman, high in rank and as physically able as Sly, and turn her into a cliché, an angry ex girlfriend for comedic relief, strip her of her abilities and have her be kidnapped twice, have every exchange with her be about how attractive she is, have almost every male character in the game flirt with her, have her boyfriend be jealous of his own ancestors because they’re flirting with her in order to create purposeless love triangles, and then, after all that, dress her up as a belly dancer and distract some guards while the rest of the gang do the heavy lifting. that last one was really the nail on the coffin. did Bentley have other ways to enter that door? absolutely. so, what the fuck? why did i come back for a good Sly game 8 years later and receive a game where you have to shake your controller to have Carmelita shake her ass? why did they have the guards’ eyes pop like that? why did no one stop them? and it isn’t just Carmelita. it’s Penelope too. god forbid we have a female character who doesn’t have a waist smaller than my finger, and a voluptuous physique. why was the redesign so drastic? the story stuff is also nonsensical. why did she leave? wasn’t she happy with Bentley? i watched her speech about turning on the gang about a thousand times and it still doesn’t make any sense. like, i literally don’t understand. what was her motive? and why reverse her story of overcoming the Black Baron persona and the connotations of a meek woman hiding behind a man’s disguise? why repeat it, shamelessly? do the guys at Sanzaru only know women who have recently broken up? why does Carmelita, Penelope and Ms Decibel all go through break-ups during the game? why does Penelope go against Bentley before they even break up? why waste the opportunity to introduce a new, well-written villain and use it to repeat something already done? why???? no woman is safe from Sanzaru because Ms Decibel... boy, did i feel bad for her. apart from continuously reminding us that she’s haha fat!! she’s also presented as a blind lovefool. love? what a silly concept only women believe in! Ms Decibel had a crush on Le Paradox (for some reason i can’t even fathom) and for that she must pay by being utterly humiliated. and what do ALL women do when a guy breaks up with them? they get so angry! yikes, stay clear guys! ....why does Sanzaru hate female characters? i’m genuinely curious. i mean, what forced them to depict women like this? i’m sorry, i can’t take much more of this.

Ending: and how do you end a disappointment that came 8 years late and didn’t even have a sequel guaranteed? yeap, you guessed it! a cliffhanger. but not just any cliffhanger - a total fuck you to anyone and everyone. with a single move Sanzaru instantly screwed over the franchise. the fans, the creators, the characters, anyone looking to continue the series. everyone. WHY would you trap the protagonist in the past? WHY? did you feel defensive about something that wasn’t even yours and went ‘well you can continue the series but the sequel will have to do with time travel’. why did you think it was a good idea? how does it even slightly resemble a good ending? someone fill me in please. because i don’t think i’m being unreasonable, i’m just telling it how it is.

Conclusion:

i did it. i fucking wrote it in all its motherfucking glory. the idiots at Sanzaru could’ve given us an amazing game but instead of working on how to make it better or including extra levels, they wasted their time on deciding what killable baby animal to include in each hub or what the backstory for each treasure should be. how fucking distasteful. and to think i’m an idiot myself for trying to force myself to like it because i was so in denial about how bad it was. i’ve just outlined everything wrong with that cursed game. i’m exhausted.

#yOu'Re rEaLLy pEttY ! sOrRy hAd tO UnFoLLoW #i think i covered everything #THIS IS AN AMAZING ESSAY #this is the crown jewel of my time on tumblr #i love myself so much #sly cooper #anyone who even remotely comes for me because of this WILL get blocked #the birds really think i care about my rep on this fucking hellsite #HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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OK K.O.! Let’s Be Heroes!: You’re Everybody’s Sidekick Review

OK KO was easily one of the best animated series of the 2010′s and i’ll stand by those words. The brainchild of Ian Jones Quartlery, voice of Wallow in Bravest Warriors and more importantly former head writer for Steven Universe, and current longtime romantic partner of that series creator Rebecca Sugar. That part isn’t AS important, but I still find it sweet. Anyways OK KO was the story of K.O., a 6-11, not my own laziness for once but the show’s own way of doing age, year old boy who wants to be the best like no one ever was. In this case i’ts being a hero in a world that’s basically like if someone took the marvel universe and smashed a retro game collection and a pile of manga on top of it and then blended up the result and shot it full of gamma rays. Full of heroes of all kinds ranging from those fighitng crime to those who just want to loiter outside strip malls or cut hair. To achieve this goal KO gets a job at Gar’s Bodega, the combination of your average bodega (for those unfamiliar with the term, i’ts a convience store) and a video game item shop, so the slurpee machine is right next to the power ups and ninja stars, and everything from skateboard polish to Spread Guns is avaliable. The bodega is owned by Mr.Gar, a mustachiosed muscle man whose basically a shoutier mexican version of MIke Haggar but with shades and a mustache. So a somehow better version of him, though with him being busy watching over the plaza itself, doing secret hero missions and what not the day to day operations are left to two teens: Rad, a muscle bound dude bro alien with telekenisis and a secret heart of gold and Enid, a cynical, slacker ninja whose also bilogically a witch because her parents are a vampire and a werewolf. So the series follows these three as they run the boedega, grow as people and fight the robots that frequently attack the plaza sent by the evil Lord Boxman who hates the place literally because it’s there and it’s existance annoys him. This is the canon explination and it is utterly hilarious. The series was funny, had great character work, decent ongoing stories, great jokes and a fun tone that could go from meaningful and well thorught ot utterly batshit from episode to episode and was sadly canceled after 3 seasons because Cartoon Network is kinda stupid right now and dosen’t know how to handle a superhero show that still makes action a priority, but it did get a solid ending, a slew of great crossovers and a decent amount of representation under i’ts belt. WHich brings us to today and the start of RED ACTION WEEK: A week dedicated to the series most prominent gay character and the bisexual ninja witch who loves her. I’m covering all 5 of Red’s more prominent apperances... I was just going to do the red/enid episodes but decided this was a better introduction to the series itself, as well as the fact it allows her character arc to better tie together by her final episode, which directly uses this one as a major plot point. I also threw Plaza Prom in there since, even if she’s only a supporting character, it’s still one of her few major apperances, is part of her final major episode, is one of my faviorites, and the climactic dance fights is one of the most intentionally homoerotic fight scenes i’ve seen in some time. With all that out of the way, let’s do this after the cut.

We start at Gar’s Bodega, just after the opening two parter, with KO starting his first day of work, part of the reason this episode is a fairly smooth introduction into the show. Not even in the door he accidently shoryukyn’s joe cuppa, a stand up comedian with a cup of coffee in the big time for a head... I told you anything goes and I meants it. After that accident, we find Enid at the counter, ignoring the customers before shooing them away and when KO asks for work, plays along with his enthusasim and tells him to clean the store.. which he does in minutes, before being told to sort the penny dish, and while he does the two discuss KO’s love of helping people: KO just genuinely thinks that’s part of his job, the right thing to do and feels good while Enid.. dosen’t feel it’s worth the effort and people are just generally ungreatful and not worth it. I really like this scene for showing off their character dynamic beautifully: It starts showing that while at this stage Enid is largely an asshole, she does care about K.O. and while he’s cleaning, despite usually turning customers away, still let’s Ginger, an elderly patron and one of KO’s mom’s dojo customers, not only check out but pay in freaking pennies. It shows that try as she might, Enid really isn’t a cyncial or heartlesss as she claims. It’s also nice setup for later in the season as, and as i’m sure Ian Jones Quartlery and crew were preparing for, we later DO see why Enid hates people so much: her best friend, possibly more, Elodie, who i’ll certainly be covering eventually, betrayed her for a spot at Point Prep, basically UHA or Xavier’s for this world and claimed their friendship was just a ploy (It wasn’t, but again, story for another time), while her one date with Rad went terribly due to him acting like a huge jackass at the advice of his even bigger jackasses of friends. It’s easy to see why she stopped carring: When she opened up in the past it only lead to her being hurt and alone. K.O.... is the opposite. He genuinely belivies in everyone and tries to help them because, as said above, it’s just what he does and what he belivies a hero should be... he hasn’t been hurt or influenced by assholes like his friends, and thus is able to get them to open up. It’s a wonderful dynamic and I love it. And naturally, KO is determined to help Enid see the light, with Enid responding with the wonderful line “You’ll never melt my icy heart”... give him a few more episodes Enid, give him a few more episodes. So K.O. Decides to set out helping people, shouting about it to enid back at the store as he does because he’s 6-11 and kids in that age range are many things, but subtle is not one of them. He starts with Geoff and Nick Army, a monk and gay duke nukem reflectivity who despite having polar oppositie personalities, are both a couple, as confirmed by the creative team and then the finale, and a crime fighting duo who are having a dispute over opening a pickle jar with the good old ultra violence or non violence, which KO solves by letting both do it once, which results in a pickle jar explosion, both men in their underwear and everyone happy, especially the shippers. KO continues his quest, going to Logical Cuts where we meet Mr.Logic, a robot who has a rather moving and well done backstory we’ll certainly get to, and is voice by James Urabanik, aka the voice of Rusty Venture on the venture bros, to my utter delight. And yes i’ll be covering the venture bros eventually, and might be this month. His customer, another one of KO’s mom’s regulars, is upset because her haircut isn’t right while Mr.Logic is upset, well as upset as a monotone robot can convey, that his usually 100% mathmatically perfect haircuts are off. KO pitches in and the new result is perfect, with both being greatful.

KO’s next stop on his good will help people crying for help tour, after the above bit of wonderful art shift as that version of ko moveds like a south park character for some reason. Anyways, it turns out best friends, co workers and the dante and randal of this show, i.e.two best friends working a dead end job who despite arguing a lot need each other, A Real Magical Skeleton, self explaintory and Greg, a bear, are having an argument because RMS is trying to do their job and frame a baseball for a guy while Greg is being a dickhead and playing the drums constantly. As you can probably wager, I do not like Greg, probably more than rusty, partly because a future episode has him making KO doubt his macaroni art gift for his mom so he can eat it, yes really,and partly because he’s less intresting than his buddy and yet the two are shipped frequently despite my honest assumption they’d kill each other.. much like if dante and randall finally banged. However if you do ship them, I have no hostility with you. Unlike say loudcest or shipping sam with lincoln over at the loud hosue, there's nothing wrong with RMS X Brandon, it’s just not for me. Anywho KO solves it in the hilarious and awesome manner of just putting Brandon inside one of those baseball cube things... it’s a shame he apparently gave him air holes but whatever. Proud of himself, K.O. plans to head back when he runs into the Ally Teens: Red Action, rude teen warrior from the future who just had a bad haircut, Drupe, a sentient strawberry because of course, and Greg, Drupe’s nonbinary best friend and combination of one of the bone cousins and Woodstock. K.O. offers to help and , with the trio being huge steaming bowls of elephant piss at this point, they instead trick him into waiting in a lava flow and then have drupe whip him every time the lava causes him to cartoonishily jump in the air. Yeah despite both Red Action and Drupe going on to having supporting roles, like our good pal tom, who I will get back to this month, there isn’t nearly as much wiggle room in their first apperance. With Tom Lucitor, he was a dick.. but you could make the case, even just off that ep that he genuinely dosen’t know HOW to be a good person or that what he’s doing is sketchy at best. Here, it’s fairly obvious the ally teens know setting a child on fire and using vine whip on him super effectively is wrong, that’s why their doing it. Red, being that special brand of asshole, posts it on social media. I mean posting a video of yourself hurting a child, that’s Tucker Carlson level’s of dickery right there. Stone cold. Enid sees it and is understandably concerned, and goes over to see if KO’s allright when he returns and is forced to explain to him that no they weren’t laughing with him, they were laughing at him and were just being dicks. Also he wasn’t in lava, it was magma. It was above ground.

K.O. glumly wonders why and Enid reitrates this kind of shit is why she dosen’t help people. K.O. also wonders how she saw it and we find out Enid is basically facebook stalking red action on her social media, as you do, and that Red’s been on a bit of a tear lately, smashing up shit and farting in Geoff’s face all because she got a bad haircut, with K.O. , likely going thorugh more of her posts, realizing theirs a pattern: When bad things happen to her she lashes out at others.. just like Enid. I do like the parallel there: Enid likely has a crush on her because the two are fairly similar.. but Enid runs cold and tens to be standoffish as a result of her past, while Red tens to take out her anger and frustration on everyone else and runs red hot. But they come together because opposities attract... it’s what noble laurite MC Scat Kat taaught us after all. K.O. however, having Steven Universe level’s of empahty and an equal sense of wanting to help, and just as few boundries as he had as a tween, decides that it’s clear the ally teens have underlying issues to adress and gets Enid help to look at their social media. Returning to the ally,and seemingly unphased by earlier, K.O. sets out helping them, starting by helping red get her haircut fixed by Mr. Logic. Red is adorably delighted. Moving on K.O. notes that Drupe basically just follows Red’s lead but has a fashion blog and clearly an identiy of her own and we soon learn she believes no one reads it. K.O. showed it to the not at all ambigiously gay duo and Geoff and Nick thank her> That’s two blushes and two wins in K.O.’s court. Finishing up, K.O. realizes Gregg stays quiet because they have low self esteem and feel they have nothing to be proud of. K.O. however found lots to be proud of and framed Gregg’s valdectorian certificate for him, again with some help from earlier. Instead of graditude red just calls him weird and leaves and KO slumps back depressed. I’ts a good lesson though: people DON’T change just because you did one weirdly kind thing for them. That takes time.. as we’ll see with Red and as we see with Drupe, who has less of an ons creen journey but is far nicer after her next apperance. While Enid is grossed out over having helped someone, Gregg comes in.. and after some great deranged animation thanks K.O. and Enid admits after some prodding that it does feel good to help, and K.O. is happy to have helped her int he process. The two playfully mess around as the episode ends. Final Thoughts: This was a really good one. Reaching back this far into the series, I didn’t think it’d would be nearly as good as it ended up: It serves both as a good proper introduction for a lot of the plaza regulars, a good setup for Enid’s character arc, and was also really funny with great animation. LIke Tom, I don’t think the creators knew exactly what they were going to do with the Alley Teens and thus take the two they end up focusing on in opposite directon: Red keeps her assholishness for her next apperance and grows from it, while Drupe’s drops off by the end of this season, likely due to her fashion blog taking off, but we’ll get into Red more in a review or so and Drupe more later this month.For now this episode was good and next up we have their next apperance in Plaza Prom. Until then, follow this blog for more reviews and nonsense, like and reblog it if you enjoyed this, hit me up with asks for review suggestions or comssions and until next time, later days!

#ok ko let's be heroes #you're everybody's sidekick #enid #red action #rednid #drupe #gregg #ko #geoff #nick army #mr.logic #ginger #lbgtq+#pride month #happy pride

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hhhongseok · 5 years

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PENTAGON: First Impressions VS Now!

since it's ptg's 3rd anniversary, and i've been an uni for over a year now, i thought it would be a fun idea to compare my first thoughts about all the members to how i think of them now! i got the idea from i got7 inspirits on youtube, so check them out if you're interested!

OT10

then:

I first heard "gorilla" back when it released, but since i avoided stanning rookies at the time- i decided to give it some time before stanning. flash foward to august 2018 where my interest is piqued again. at that time last year, i had thought that they were pretty cute but having literally only heard gorilla and then shine, i was caught off guard by their sound change. It wasn't bad per say- just different. overall, i knew pentagon would be a group that i'd like- but more along the lines of a casual thing.

now:

y'all already know how whipped i am for these idiots!!! their music and videos and even choreos are my style completely, especially their cute concepts!! we love dancing infants! and also, they're all such throughly good people which makes me so happy. this isn't a casual stan thing in the slightest, and it's funny to think I ever believed it would be.

Hui:

then:

when i saw him in shine, i thought he was a d o r k. i think it was the way they styled his hair, but i was just very convinced that he was pretty lame lmao. after that though, i saw how cute he was and he became my bias for a while. i remember thinking at one point that he seemed like an exasperated dad?? i didn't really have any basis for it but that observation was there nonetheless.

now:

exasperated dad? more like hyper 3 year old. hes literally one of the loudest and most energetic. what was i on. but i think hes the most precious and clingiest little toddler now!! i was right about the dork thing though, but its super cute how goofy and lame he is. also!! talent for days!! his dancing, singing (his falsetto is !!), composing is all incredible. the most important thing though? a godly leader. he's so caring and kind and full of love for his members it hurts me. we don't really see a serious leader hui, but thats okay because i think it means he tries to keep uni and ptg in good spirits by showing them cheerfulness. and that's amazing to me.

Jinho:

then:

my most notable thought about jinho in shine was "how is he that small". i remember thinking it was cute how he pushed the giant one too, lmao. i didn't think much else of him beyond that, other than noticing how adorable he can be.

now:

ok yeah, jinho is cute and tiny and whatever- but now i Understand the power that he holds. how he looks with his hair pushed back for example. or how about that bruno mars cover he did with hui. (hhhhnngg). also?? he's not even That small. the ones that make him look itty bitty are Literally just giants. but aside from his appearance, jinho is probably my favorite vocalist like!! i appreciate him s o much. (listen to his cover of gethsemane and last night of october for clear skin) of course jinho is also very cute though!! so i was right about that at least! he just also has many other great sides to him that i worry are overlooked!

Hongseok:

then:

i didn't,,,notice him. at ALL. like i just glossed over his existence completely when i first saw shine. and even after that- it took me a minute to pay him any mind. when i did finally notice him though, i noticed his smile. i remember i was watching videos with my girlfriend and i pointed him out to her! that was mostly because i felt bad for not really having any strong opinion on him though oops. anyways i ended up just thinking he was a mom. and i was really impressed by his english and strength.

now:

real talk, it pained me to write all of that out!! bc now?? omg hong is my everything- but thats kind of obvious. anyways!! hes so f u nn y !!! its absolutely a stupid kind of funny and hes definitely annoying but i adore it. also the mom thing is only kind of true. he has the capacity to be maternal and take care of them, but he's way more likely to make fun of literally every single member. he's more like an older brother that never leaves his siblings alone and thinks he's funnier than he is. and we hate him for it. anyways, his voice is So underrated im. angery. he has such a beautiful voice, just in general, and on top of that- his singing is lovely. like yes, more hong solo please.

Hyojong:

then:

i definitely took note of him immediately! his voice is very distinctive, and he stands out a lot in shine. which is really saying something. i thought he was really talented for sure! and i almost felt he was too cool for me to be looking at. i kind of got the vibe he'd be pretty icy i guess?

now:

he's not intimidating at all. like not even a little bit. bc he's not taking himself as seriously as i thought he was lmao. also hes so l o u d . and a plant man. but i think the best thing about edawn is his unpredictability! i never really know what to expect from him and i like that.

Shinwon:

then:

i thought he was HOT. i already thought he was handsome in the 0.3 seconds of screentime he got in shine. but a friend of mine showed me clips of him from that couples game video and. o o f. i really couldn't get over how pretty he was. it didn't help that this was the same video where him and kino were doing that dance. personality wise, i don't remember much standing out to me. other than how easily scared he is.

now:

shinwon is soooo embarrassing. i wouldn't say hes completely shameless about it though, but he's shameless to the point of actually doing the stupid shit so im. still enraged about it. he legitimately makes me physically look away sometimes when im watching a video and he's being weird. theyre all my kids, and i love them. but he's the child im ashamed of lmao. moving on, hes a real cutie pie. that fact that he gets so scared so easily is both really funny and super endearing. but he's just a playful baby and im honestly glad that hes has so much fun.

Changgu:

then:

i noticed him less than hongseok. like i dont think i had a single notable first impression of him.

now:

past dess was one entire Doofus huh. like changgu is a whole ass blessing to this planet and you mean to tell me that she overlooked him??!! anyways, though, he has an elephant heart for sure. such a genuinely empathetic and truly kind person!! he never fails to warm my heart with his sincerity and i love that about him. he's also part of the idiot squad though, with how he goes along with hong's antics. we hate that. and all his impressions + dumb faces. speaking of faces though,,, his acting?? i love it!! he's really talented, like when i watch pretty pretty i kind of forget that changgu is even playing a role. and his d a n c i n g!! underrated dance king! underrated king in general, how about that.

Yanan:

then:

my first bias in ptg!!! i fell in love with him instantly! i loved how tall he is, and the white hair and his i c o n i c "my baby"!! like i was whipped from the gate. i remember liking his duality back then too!!

now:

ok so, since he was bias immediately, i noticed more about him than anyone else. which means i have less to write oops. but thats okay because at least i had a bit of taste back then. but, yanan is hilarious. he's so clever and funny and you can tell how effortless it is. most iconic ptg sayings are something from yanan and thats just amazing. the big thing i notice now that i didn't really before, though, is that fact that his duality is so shocking because he's literally just as unpredictable as hyojong. its impossible to really tell what hes going to do next, and i think it catches people off guard more with yanan because even that aspect of him is unexpected.

Yuto:

then:

i thought he was kinda scary!! idk he seemed so cold and i couldn't really relate to that so i didn't grow very attached to him.

now:

he's so pure!!! hes said that he has a hard time expressing his feelings but i don't really see it? because he always seems so happy to be around ptg and having fun with them even if he isn't usually the one playing around!! he loves them so much tbh and its the sweetest thing :( everything about yuto is so sweet, because he cares a lot about the people around him and doesn't want anyone to get hurt- even if its fake or a joke. and like, he's really hardworking too!! ptg have said multiple times that he works the hardest, and that really is saying something imo! and like, you can just see it even without being told that. whether its his workout journey pentory or the fact that he's literally been learning guitar. also!! omg the lyrics he writes?? heartwarming, romantic and life changing!! seasons and cosmo made me a different person. but yeah, he's such an amazing, warm person and i cant believe i found him scary.

Kino:

then:

i thought he was the main vocal. like no joke, he was so charismatic and flaunting so much in shine that i was like "ah yes. the main vocalist" hhhggg. i remember thinking he was pretty though, and that his stage name was super cute. but i wasn't very interested in learning about him, despite how he really caught my eye. for some reason, though, i eventually got the thought that he was really pure.

now:

main vocal hdzfhh kino relax you're confusing ppl. of course he has an amazing voice and it always sounds incredible but!! what amuses me is the way he sings always sounds kinda like he's trying to be sexy and?? its so funny in ballads and stuff imo. but yeah, that "sensual"?? singing is what threw me off back then. buf more importantly, i just wanna mention the pure thing- because its a confusing situation. on one hand, kino has a heart of gold that not only adores uni but is also accepting. as well as how he's constantly bringing light into the world with his words and truly bright outlook. but on the other hand he's a demon that dances like That and is so dangerous when he wants to be!! so!! what's it gonna be kino, make up your mind :( anyways, listen to knnovations. esp bad timing and 224.12!!

Wooseok:

then:

i loved him instantly. he looked like an overgrown 10 year old in my eyes and that's just. precious. i thought he was pretty funny too!!

now:

if i took off my hong glasses for long enough, id be able to say that i think he's the funniest in ptg. because he's so hilarious in my eyes like? he makes me do an ugly wheeze laugh, and a lot of my favorite ptg moments involve him in some way lmao. but he is actually a baby, so i was onto something there with the overgrown 10 y/o thing. despite being really funny though, i do think he tends to be quiet more often than like hui or shinwon and he hardly ever smiles, unless he's like laughing and thats makes me think that he's kind of awkward?? not in like a bad way, but i just kind of see that i guess. but!! something that i think is passed over a lot with woo is the fact that he usually has a hand in composing, and also that he writes his raps?? like that's so cool, we love that!!

ok! so that was my lame little essay lmao. i hoped you liked if you read it all! im just glad to say that i really appreciate pentagon as a whole, and how much joy they bring into my life nowadays!! i feel like ive found a place to call my own with uni and with pentagon :)

#text: bouquet #universechallenge #wow this took forever and its kinda dumb but it was fun #i wouldnt be satisfied if i drew anything tbh

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kpopbopz · 5 years

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kim yugyeom | best friend imagine

request: Maybe I have a request. Something simple and fluffy with Yugyeom please. Maybe a best friend day or he cheers up the reader after a bad day. I leave that up to you ♡ I want to say that I really love your Nice Guys Breaks Heart AU ♡♡♡

a/n: thank you so much for your support uwu ♥♥

♡.

Kim Yugyeom was sweet

goofy

annoying

funny

a dork

a goddamn actual giraffe

talented

and overall...your best friend

you guys always had your traditions

whenever you both would have time

you’d go someplace nice together

most often it was the beach or to a park to play on the playground like you were both still kids

he’d be the number one person you would come to whenever you had problems or wanted advice or just a good laugh

he’d bring you your favorite snacks as a surprise whenever he had the opportunity

people would honestly always mistake you guys for dating

but in reality,

you both were completely platonically in love with each other

he was always making sure that you were happy

if he found you sad

he’d do everything in his power to cheer you up because he didn’t like seeing you sad

he’d goof around or

if you wanted to go someplace

he’d be sure to take you if he could

like the time you wanted to go to the zoo

so he took you

bought you a stuffed tiger

took pictures with the elephants

don’t even get me started too,

he was basically your own personal paparazzi

because he took the best pictures of you

always hyping you before you posted it

and then when you did post it

hyped you even more

“That’s my best friend!!!!”

but don’t get it twisted

because he would also find a way to embarrass you

pulling pranks

and posting the ugly pictures he’d take

you would have to beat him to take them down ㅠㅠ

but that was ok

because at the end of the day

there’s no other person

you’d rather have as your best friend

please like & reblog!

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thong-in-the-twist · 7 years

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Cutting The Deck 1/3

Summary: in which Jisoo tricks his way into your heart (pants), theatre!au

How amazing is that that I managed to actually write something that I finished before even posting? I am so proud of myself. And Jisoo needs our love!

2/3 3/3

It’s out.

It’s out and you can’t do anything about it. You can feel horror dawning on you, as your limbs grow cold.

It feels like the whole room is still shaking, damned word still resonating between four walls. You can nearly feel the overbearing presence of witches and horrified screams of those, who perished before you, fill your ears.

You don’t need to look around to know that everybody is staring at you not even trying to conceal their horror. Your legs are wobbly, when you raise from your chair, breaking the perfect circle, your silhouette casting shadow on the old wooden parquet. Your shadow is longer than those of your peers, it sticks out, it’s renounced by others for being concocted by a person that has just transgressed the bound of decency.

And you can’t even blame them. Whether it was a brief lapse in your judgment or heavens wrath channeled through your mouth – you don’t know, it doesn’t matter. You’ve committed grave sin against your community – the gravest one of them all.

“You know what to do?” It’s half question, half order. You nod, not having enough courage to look the speaker in the eyes. You don’t want to face their the disappointment.

Especially since it’s been only a week since you joined this particular club. Which means you saw this gathering, this room only twice.

And you allowed yourself to utter blasphemy.

“Wait, what?” You can hear confused exclamation to your far right, but you don’t bother turning around, and you just walk down the stage, to reach stairs. “Why are you kicking her out? She only said that Macbeth is…”

It’s an immediate pandemonium. Chairs are screeching, everybody turning to the speaker to shush him. The director drops her notes, and they scatter all over the circle, few of the sheets reaching your shoes. You stopped walking when you heard him utter The Scottish Play’s name, as you mistakenly did barely a minute ago, and you turned around in disbelief.

You can see lack of understanding in his eyes, you can see his eyebrows furrowing, and you can see how he looks around the room, not realizing what has he done. He shrugs, his jacket shimming, and he moves down to pick up one of the pages.

Once again you can feel yourself growing cold, and you just shout don’t thinking about it:

“Stop!” His hand stops a breath away from the page, and he looks up at you. You keep talking, as if you were talking to a wild animal.” Don’t touch it. Just. Leave. It.” He seems surprised, but as nobody is saying anything, opting for staring at him in bewilderment, he slowly straightens in his chair. He didn’t touch the page. You motion for him to come. “Come here. We have. To go. We have to go out. Now.”

Once again his eyes slide around the circle, but again nobody is speaking so he shrugs once again and stands up. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and looking indifferent walks to you, taking special care not to step on the pages.

“Step on the pages.” You snap. You didn’t think about it, it has just escaped you. He looks at you as if you were completely mad, but he says nothing and walks over the last few pages, his sneakers leaving dusty prints.

You exhale and turn around, searching for the stairs in dim light. You lead him out of the hall, into the hallway. You don’t say anything until you reach the sidewalk in front of the building. There you turn around, putting your hands on your hips in your fiercest pose and you wait for the other offender.

He looks reserved and cautious, stopping in front of you, but way out of your personal space, hands still stuffed defiantly in his pockets. He is taller than you, his oversized bomber jacket making him appear bigger and more threatening. His face is just scornful.

“Spin around.” You order with all the authority you can muster. He looks at you deftly, longer than it’s needed, and you school yourself for the fight, but he finally spins around – in a manner that reminds you of an adolescent that was made to do something he doesn’t want to do, his feet hitting pavement quickly, making him look like a penguin impersonator.

“Brush yourself off.” You say, and he brushes off his arms. He is still annoyed, but you can feel his curiosity raising.

“Say the name of The Scottish Play three times.”

“What?”

“Say the name of that play, you said inside, three times!” It’s a burst of annoyance, but it gets job done. He quickly repeats the name three times, and you focus on your own cleansing ritual. You turn around, brush your arms, and mutter the name three times under your nose.

Only then you can feel the pressure lifting.

You exhale and stretch, completely forgetting about the other offender.

“Now what?” He asks and you look at him, his hands back in his pockets.

You smile at him, for the first time and shrug.

“Now we wait.” You say looking around to find some place to sit on, there is no bench close enough, so you settle on the stairs. He moves to stand in front of you, but doesn’t sit down.

“Wait for what?” He presses.

“For the troupe to invite us back.” It’s such an obvious thing to you that you have problem understanding how he could not know that.

“Troupe? Ah, you mean to members of the club.” He states and you nod with indulgent smile like a teacher does when their pupil finally get something right. He shifts to put the weight on his other leg and speaks again. “So… What was it all about?”

You squint your eyes, but that’s only because now that he moved you are no longer protected from sun.

“You really know nothing about theater, do you?” You ask rhetorically, and mover forward to find shelter in his shadow. “Theater folk is the most superstitious bunch you could get. So if you want to live a peaceful life with them, remember few basic rules: never, under no circumstances say the name of The Scottish Play. Never whistle on the stage. Never wish luck before performance, say “break the leg” instead. Never turn off all the lights when leaving theatre. If script falls to the ground, step on the pages before picking them up.”

You count on your fingers, and when you finish you look up at him. He has his eyebrows raised, and you can see the perspiration just under his hairline.

“Woah… Ok, that is a lot.” You shrug. It’s not really. It’s basic if you’ve been in the industry long enough.

“Anyway, why did you join the club?” The fact that he wasn’t in the acting before is quite obvious. Everybody involved knows at least the “The Scottish Play” thing.

“I just wanted to try, I guess? It’s probably my last opportunity to do so anyway.” Right. University. Last opportunity for many things.

“Good enough.” You comment and extend your hand.” Nice to meet you.”

He takes your hand, and his fingers are surprisingly cool considering the sweat appearing on his neck.

“Jisoo. Kim Jisoo.”

“Aren’t you hot, Kim Jisoo?” You ask matter-of-factly.

“Well, I am hot, thanks for noticing.” You have to admit you are confused for a second. It takes you a moment, but when you see his playful smile you understand that you just got played. But you don’t get to clarify your line of thought, because they are calling for you.

“And now imagine the animal. Any animal.” Lights are dimmed yet again, director sitting on the audience, quietly talking to troupe. You are laying on the stage, ragdoll-like having shed your usual quirks and moves. You are ready to transform into another being. An animal. “Can you see it in your mind?”

You can. You can see small, but nimble animal. Standing back on its rear legs. You can see its pointy face, you can see black dots of eyes, and little whiskers.

“Can you see how it moves? Can you see whether it’s a predator or prey? Can you see whether it owns the place or slides into shadows not to be seen?”

Yes, you can see it. You can see how it runs, to stand abruptly, to sit up and scan its surroundings.

“Now that you can clearly see the animal, the power of your mind allows you to slowly mold your body. Can you feel it? Can you feel that your toes are no longer human? Move them, just like your animal would. Can you feel it? Then turn your feet, are they covered in scales or maybe fur?”

In your mind you are slowly shifting into animal, acquiring it’s moves, acquiring it quirks. Slowly, so slowly, your troupe starts moving, sitting up, every single one of you starts to acquaint themselves with the environment as an animal.

You are a fully shifted meerkat, and you are trying to get around elephant, when your director calls.

“Ok, guys, stop!” All the animals look at her, startled by a sudden sound. “Good job, but… Jisoo? Can you explain what are you doing?”

Jisoo.

You can all agree that he is quite good. If he gets a role to play he is believable. He has also quite good improv – so overall he should be doing good. But he is not. Because of his misplaced… You don’t even know what, but you can all say, that he is not giving it his all, and he finds half of the exercises stupid, and he just fools around, when the rest of the group is serious.

All the animals turn to Jisoo, and you see him still laying on the ground, on his stomach legs and arms splayed.

He doesn’t react.

“Jisoo?” Calls your director again, now clearly irritated.

There is a silence, and then really slow:

“Sloth.”

You are embarrassed to say, but during that accident meerkat sounded very like laughing human. That was the problem, the troupe was walking around irritated at Jisoo, and yet no one could really get mad at him. He was just… Jisoo. The funny guy. He is usually the last one to arrive (late more often than not), the first one to leave (usually skipping cleaning up), but when improv comes he is simply the best. Even though no one wants to admit that.

He has the best ideas, and he can pull the off.

And be so fucking annoying while he does that. One time he was supposed to play a shop owner, who was being asked for donations to support far right candidate for government in one of the etudes, and he ended playing gay florist. Other time he was supposed to use any song’s lyrics to tell the story that was not connected to the lyrics in reality and he played pregnant women going into labor with Justin Bieber’s Baby. He could randomly decide to just start speaking in verse, and he would do it impeccably. Pissing the shit out of everybody, but he was brilliant.

Perfect smart, but naughty boy, and that was a charm no one could refuse.

“Today we are choosing our play.” You find him sitting in the back row, shuffling a deck of cards. He looks up at you, cutting the deck with only one hand and you are impressed.

“Which means?” He asks tossing cards from one hand to the other one. You stare at his hands, until he finishes.

“Show off.” You say not really answering his question, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He flashes you a big smile and fixes the deck. Once again your eyes fall to his hands, because they look really nice on those cards. Jisoo answers to not pronounced plea, and spins the first card on the deck in such a beautiful manner you can help but send him stinky eye. But even after that you can’t stop yourself from asking. “Do you know any tricks?”

“Not really.” He answers simply bending the deck with one hand. He slides down in his chair, spreading his legs slightly, in this clearly macho way and you immediately know he is full of shit. “But I know some magic.”

I bet you do.

“Wanna see?” You look at the stage to check whether you still have time. It’s also quite unusual – Jisoo being here before it starts? But you are still in the clear, so you go further into the row, resting against armchair in the lower row to face him.

There is a triumphant air about him.

He shows you the deck.

“As you can see I have normal deck. Want to check if every card is different?” He asks quickly, spreading cards in his hands into nice fan, showing you different colors. Instant change that you see is amazing.

“I will believe you.” You say jokingly.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” He says and spreads the cards once again, this time with their backs up. “Choose one – and, I am sure you know the rules, don’t show it to me but remember what it is.”

You smile and choose one, making sure not to flash him with the card. He does a whole show of not looking at you, and you got nine of spades.

“What now?”

He cuts a deck and makes you place your card on top of lower half. He then puts the other half on top, and your card is concealed in the deck.

He looks up at you, with this utterly playful expression on his face.

“So… let’s get to shuffle!” He starts shuffling cards around. Once, twice, you follow his fingers, not wanting to miss any part of the show. But you are also not the one to go easy.

“Can I shuffle?” You ask, and he stops, fixing the deck. He scrunches his face, but reluctantly hands you the deck.

“Well that could actually disturb my sorcery, but I think you are a quite good witch. Are you a witch?”

“Of course I am.” You answer and shuffle the deck. You are not nearly as skillful, but you do your job, while he stares at your hands. When you are done, you give it back to him.

“Ok, m’lady.” He says, and grabs your hand turning it up. “Let’s search for your card.”

“But you shouldn’t be searching for it…?” You tease, but he is already putting cards from the deck on your hand, one by one, face up.

“Oh, I know where it is, but I should make it worthwhile, right?” He says, and suddenly you see nine of spades on your hand. You are an actress, you’ve been practicing for a moment like that for years, so you don’t show it. Four of clubs lands on your card, and as of clubs as well. That’s when he stops. You look up, already feeling bad for him, but also quite happy with yourself.

“How about we really make it worthwhile?” He asks.

“You mean?” He smiles brightly, as if you’ve fallen into his trap.

“I am sure that next card I pick will be yours. If I am right, you’ll have to kiss me.” You wet your lips with your tongue, more to conceal your smile then anything. You can agree, but you can’t be too ready to do it – you don’t want him to realize that he won’t get your card.

“That is harassment…” You muse, but he shakes his head.

“No, it’s not. It just a way for you to show appreciation for my magic.”

“You are quite confident.”

“Oh, I am hundred percent sure.” He says with a killer smile, and, boy, does he have a prefect smile.

“Ok. I will.” You say, and ready yourself for what is about to come. You fully expect him to grab the card from the deck in his hand – but no. His fingers touch the nine of spades, still visible from under two other cards, and he fishes it out from your deck, and shows it to you.

“Is that… Your card?” His left eyebrow is perched high, and you are dumbfounded. But not dumbfounded enough not to realize that you’ve been played. You’ve fallen into his trap, without any, slightest even, suspicion.

You shake your head, but you laugh.

“Does it always work?” You ask, quite sure that you are not the first girl that has fallen for that.

“Every single time.” He answers bashfully, and gathers the deck and taps his lower lip with a finger. You give him a stinky eye, but deal is a deal, and you are not the one to back out. So you lean forward, pecking his lips. When you straighten he is sitting with this blissful expression and eye closed.

“Nice.” He says. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

“Because that’s the thing you should tell girl after being kissed.”

“I know right?”

“Everybody! Let’s start, we have so much to do today!” Director’s call brings you back to reality.

And to think that Jisoo was the one that managed to get you away from it.

If you were a synesthete, you’d say that you could hear Jisoo smile behind you, as you were walking down to join the rest of the troupe on the stage.

#kim jisoo #kim jisoo scenario #kim jisoo scenarios #jisoo #actor jisoo #kdrama scenarios #kdrama scenario #kdrama imagine #kdrama imagines

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neverisalongtime-ja-blog · 7 years

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Chapter 29: 90’s babe

I know I'm uploading super late today but the internet connection has been so bad the whole day. But here it is: chapter 29!

Thank you so much to everyone who write me here and on Instagram! It makes my heart so happy!

Remember to visit Anastasia’s IG profile:

Anastasia_Truman ❤️️

Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥

Read chapter 28

Before the show in San Diego, Anastasia discovered a sweet surprise at her dressing room in the Valley View Casino Center. It was filled with red roses, at least five huge bouquets. She was thrilled, although she didn’t like roses. She walked to the flowers and spotted a small card, she read it was actually Peyton who sent them to Mandy. Anastasia couldn’t help but smile like an idiot, she was feeling so happy by the relationship her friend had until she heard a voice behind her that brought her back to earth.

- Wow, what’s all this? – Josh asked entering the room.

- Someone sent flowers – She said trying to ignore him and hiding part of the story.

- But… roses? You hate roses – He said making Anastasia remember how well he knew her – You only like wild flowers, you always say that roses are basic and…

- Yes, Josh, I know what I said before – She cut him off – But this is a nice thing.

- Are you seeing someone? – He went straight forward.

- Well… you could say so – She said lying and not knowing why.

- Well, this guy doesn’t know you at all. He didn’t investigate you like I did.

- What?! Investigate me? – She asked kind of annoyed.

- Yeah, and one of the first things I learned about you is that you hate roses – Josh said smiling and Anastasia was confused by the direction of this conversation – By the way I didn’t have the chance to ask you, but what did you think about Dot Hacker’s new record?

- I liked it so much I destroyed my turntable listening to it – She said even more confused by the question.

- How come?

- Because of the messages in the songs. I was angry – Maybe this was the moment for them to talk straight.

- Sorry to hear that – Was all that Josh managed to say – Your turntable was a historic piece.

- Josh, you wrote songs about feeling bad in our relationship, about how it wasn’t working, but you never talked to me about it! – There she was, giving her attention to the white elephant in the room.

- I know and I can’t apologize to you enough – Josh said looking to the floor like he always did when he was ashamed. - But of all the people in the world, you know how great it is to put your feelings in a song. I wrote about loving you too.

- I know and it made everything much more confusing – Anastasia said angry.

- I’m sorry… - Josh couldn’t finish his sentence because Mandy entered the room screaming.

- Oh my God! What is this? – She asked looking at the flowers and realizing Josh’s presence

- It wasn’t me – He said looking at Mandy.

- It’s obvious – She said taking the card from Anastasia’s hands. Now Josh would know the truth – They are from Peyton! – Mandy said overly excited – Oh my God! That little fucker! I love him so much! – She screamed.

Anastasia saw Josh smiling wide, almost laughing, and then leaving. She felt so stupid.

- Josh thought they were for me – Anastasia told Mandy.

- Sweetie! Oh God! Sorry! – Mandy said checking the roses – I would have followed the lead.

- Don’t worry, that would have been childish – Anastasia said laughing.

After the show that night everyone was ready for a long break. They’d be out for about three weeks. Anastasia was going to be busy for the next few days, her birthday was coming up and she was preparing a big party to turn 28. She followed Mandy’s advice and invited Alex but he respectfully declined saying that he needed to go back to Miami for work. She felt disappointed but totally understood; that’s a doctor’s lifestyle.

One Friday in Los Angeles, with the party a week away, Nick invited Anastasia to a bar where he, Eric and some friends were going to see a local band play. Mandy joined her as Peyton was extremely busy with the start of the baseball season. It was a nice bar in Pasadena and the band played a soft rock kind of music, they were good and Anastasia realized they could be a great add to her label. The night was being fun and she was chatting with Eric’s friends including Clint and Jonathan. Hannah was there too and suddenly all the happiness went to hell when she saw Josh entering the place holding hands with Lauren; she was wearing the tightest pony tail in history and a pair of black leather pants with a pink crop top and, again, she thought how despair the two looked together. She felt Mandy’s arms around her as they walked away to avoid them.

- How can she be so tacky? – Mandy said while ordering two mojitos at the bar.

- I don’t wanna make this sound like I’m jealous but they aren’t meant for each other! – Anastasia said.

- I know and you are jealous anyway – Mandy said giving Anastasia her glass.

- What?! – Anastasia asked.

- It’s normal – Mandy said – I know you are over it, but it’s normal to have those feelings.

- I’m not jealous! – Anastasia screamed as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see Josh and Lauren standing there and that made her furious.

- Hi! – Josh said. How dare he flaunt Lauren in Anastasia’s face?

- How are you? – Anastasia asked without any emotion.

- We wanted to say hi! – Lauren said with her annoying voice – Because I’m a huge fan and I think I already told you that and I’m so happy you are friends with Josh – Anastasia could hear Mandy burst into laughter behind her.

- Oh well… hi! – Anastasia said.

- Do you want something to drink? – Mandy asked Lauren to be polite.

- Oh no. I’m on an alcohol-free diet – Lauren asked as Josh turned to talk with one of his friends leaving them in this awkward conversation.

- Is that the Pre-Euthanasia Diet? – Anastasia asked finding her sarcastic spot - ‘Cuz that would be the only way I’ll be alcohol free. If I was going to die.

- Be real, not even in that moment would you knock off alcohol – Mandy said to Anastasia laughing.

- Do you have any idea how many calories alcohol has? – Lauren asked really concerned, demonstrating she didn’t understand sarcasm.

- Lauren, my friend, you are funny – Anastasia put a hand on Lauren’s right shoulder - and I’m pretty sure you don’t even know what euthanasia is. Live life! Have fun! Drink the alcohol! Practice euthanasia! – She and Mandy laughed hard and Lauren tried to follow them laughing too but not knowing what about.

- Ok, we’ll see you around, girls – Josh said realizing the situation and taking Lauren far.

- That was so epic! – A voice said behind Anastasia and she saw Kelly.

- Your fucking hair! – Anastasia screamed touching Kelly’s hair which was lavender now.

- Welcome to the cool hair color club! – Mandy said hugging Kelly.

- I need one of those mojitos because I’m not on the Pre-Euthanasia Diet – The three friends burst into a hard and loud laugh.

The party was almost set and Anastasia’s birthday – April 1st – was a Saturday which made everything more perfect. The theme of the night was the 90’s and everyone should dress according to that decade. Mark prepared a bunch of amazing 90’s mixes and Barbara took care of the food and the drinks. The party was going to be held at Anastasia’s home in Beverly Hills, she hasn’t thrown a party there since she was in college. She and Mandy were really excited for their outfits: plaid miniskirts, tight sweaters, thigh-high socks and heeled ankle boots, combat style, an outfit that would had made Cher Horowitz burn with envy.

When Anastasia got downstairs a nice group of friends and family were already there: her dad, Mark and Stephanie (who was looking amazing with a long spaghetti-strap dress with a daisy print), Barbara and even Chad, his wife and Anthony made it to the party. Flea couldn’t go but Clara could make it, she brought her boyfriend with her; many high school friends were there too and some from college and in a corner of her backyard she saw a lavender head and next to her she spotted Josh, joined by Nick, Eric, Hannah and thankfully no Lauren to be seen. That would have been a slap in her face (seeing Lauren there), but Josh didn’t play that low.

Everyone greeted Anastasia and praised her outfit choice, especially Josh who couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. That made her feel powerful but she didn’t let it go to her head. She was having too much fun singing TLC songs with Mandy and Kelly while Josh recorded them with his phone. Everyone was having a nice time. But suddenly, she found herself alone with Josh in a corner of the backyard. She felt nervous so she started to talk about anything.

- I wanted to wear a cute Stones’ t-shirt I own but then I remember I left it at your house. I never went to pick up my stuff from your place, sorry about that – Anastasia said.

- Don’t worry, they’re still there for whenever you want to come by – Josh said – Do you have the stuff I left here?

- No. I threw it away – Anastasia said and Josh looked surprised – Joking, Mandy put it in a box in the basement and that’s how I knew I had a basement!

- What? – Josh laughed.

- I always knew there was one extra door in this house – She was barely sober by that moment.

- You’re crazy – Josh was laughing hard – Hey, come with me so I can give you your gifts.

And just like that, without any warning, Josh took her right hand and walked her out of the house to his car: He opened the trunk and two big boxes laid there, wrapped in black wrapping paper with a silver moon print and silver bows on top.

- You need to open them now – Josh said – I want you to do it here, with no one around.

- Really? – She looked at him.

He nodded as she proceeded to open the boxes. She chose the small one first, even though it was still big, tearing the paper like a small kid on Christmas, it was a new turntable, all crystal clear, perfect size.

- It was my fault you destroyed yours, so… - Josh said scratching his head with his free hand (he had his drink in the other) – It’s the same I have at home, it sounds like heaven.

She smiled and looked at the other box, it was larger and she destroyed the paper with little patience. It was a guitar case. Josh helped put it near her on the trunk so she could open it. It was dark outside but she could see that the case was made in dark blue synthetic leather and had a pattern of half-moons all over.

- I know you like moons – He said smiling.

Anastasia’s chin went straight to the floor when she opened the case. It was a custom made Fender Stratocaster guitar, with a mirror finish and a bird and a flower print. The scratch plate was made in mother-of-pearl. It was the most beautiful guitar she had ever seen.

- Look at this – Josh said pointing at the head were her name was engraved in gold.

- Josh, this is beautiful! – She picked the guitar, the strap had moons all over too – I have no words.

- Just say thanks and let’s go back to the party – Josh took the guitar and placed it on the case, but Anastasia couldn’t take it anymore and hugged him. She hugged him so tightly while tears started to run from her eyes – Don’t cry!

- It’s just that this is so beautiful! – She said – When did you have it made?

- Around October – He answered.

- Is this because I gave you a custom made guitar too?

- No! Not at all. I just thought that it was going to be something you would appreciate. I wanted it to be ready for Christmas, but the team couldn’t do it so I saved it for your birthday.

- This is so special! – She was feeling all kinds of things inside her brain by that moment and mixed with alcohol it made more tears run down her face.

- You are special – He said and took her by her chin to wipe her tears away.

They locked eyes and stared at each other for what it seemed an eternity. Anastasia wanted to kiss Josh but she knew it wasn’t the most intelligent thing to do. However, he surprised her coming closer and joining his lips with her. She missed him, she missed that. Josh gave her the most sweet, caring kiss she had had in a long time. Not even when they were a couple did he kiss her that way. It was slow but full of passion. Josh broke away and ran his thumb over Anastasia’s lips, looking into her eyes with desire.

- I think we should go back inside – He was the first to talk, breaking the spell.

- Yes – She agreed, breathing heavily. She attempted to grab her gifts but Josh stopped her.

- Don’t worry, I’ll carry them inside before I leave, later.

Anastasia smiled and walked back to the house without even noticing if Josh was following her. She was shocked, smiling like she hadn’t smiled in weeks. She decided to not say anything to anyone, to keep the surprise for later but she was the one about to be surprised again that night.

Later, when most of the guest had already left, she was inside the living room when her father approached her.

- Come with me – An’s dad said – I have a surprise for you.

He walked with her to the garden where she saw Mark, Stephanie, Nick, Eric, Hannah, Kelly, Josh, Barbara, Anthony, Mandy, Peyton, Clara and her boyfriend, Chad and his wife and a blond lady in the middle of them. Anastasia recognized her and stood still abruptly. She couldn’t believe it, it was Stevie Nicks, wearing the most gorgeous blue shawl she had ever seen, with fringes all over. Anastasia looked at his father who laughed because she must have the most stupid look on her face by now. Stevie walked towards her and gave the birthday girl a warm hug; it was just how she imagined it would be. Anastasia wasn’t a girl with idols and she wasn’t a fan of anything, but Stevie Nicks was in a whole other level. She touched Stevie’s face, then regretted it and said sorry, but the “White Witch,” as some called Nicks, just laughed.

- Mister Nick here told me it was your birthday – Stevie said – And I wanted to come and say hi since I heard you are a big fan.

- The biggest! – She said without thinking about it and everyone laughed. Anastasia could see Mandy was crying and smiling.

- I must admit that I’m your fan too – Stevie said – I love your music, it’s so pure and the way you sing it is magical.

- I can’t believe you are saying this – Anastasia said – Have you listened to us?

- All your records – Stevie answered smiling.

- Shut up! – Anastasia smiled wider.

- I think we should go inside and play some music – Anastasia’s dad said – Would you like that? – She didn’t answer; instead she jumped into his arms giving him a big hug.

Once everyone found a place in the living room, Nick handle a guitar to Stevie and Anastasia sat next to her in the big central couch. Stevie started to play the first notes of “Landslide” and the midnight-blue-haired girl looked at Josh instantly, he smiled tenderly at her. Both singers recited every word on that song. After that “Dreams” followed, then it was the turn for “Sara,” in “Gypsy” Stevie gave the guitar to An, she played and they finished with everyone singing along to “The Chain.”

That was the best birthday Anastasia could have had, without a doubt. She went to sleep that night with the biggest smile on her face and next morning when she walked downstairs and saw Josh’s gifts near her kitchen that smile became wider.

But, above all, she wasn’t going to get over that fact that Stevie “Dame” Nicks had been at her place the night before to serenade her on her birthday. That was the best gift of all without a doubt.

Read chapter 30

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sadrien · 8 years

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me and my friends watched more miraculous. it continued to be a wild ride

part one

stuff that’s not in quotes is me, anything in quotes is one of my friends

(note: some nsfw stuff, including sex mentions this time)

copycat

“i think alya’s my favorite so far”

“alya’s thicc”

i like how she hides “that’s what i would do”

“i hope he hears it”

[if he does i’ll die of shame] “me”

“[adrien]’s a sexy beast”

[it’s locked!] “no SHIT it’s called a LOCKer”

[what does ladybug see in him?] “god only knows”

“i love how i relate to the butterflies because they’re all like on the ground around him, but when they see the harsh light of day they all *hisses*”

[the thought makes me puuurrrr] “*shudders* can we NOT”

[of course adrien would own a high tech phone] mari you do too “pfff yeah it’s right there”

“why won’t this thing come off? because it’s extra”

[transforms] “extra”

“*points to chat* yellow”

(more copycat, as well as dark cupid, pixelator, animan, darkblade, the pharaoh, timebreaker, and the gamer under the cut)

[police hit shields] “*snorts* why was that necessary?” “they’re french”

“*to her pet cat* you are a cat. but you are not a black cat. you are a cat i love very much.”

“BUGABOO! that was so cute”

“[chat]’s so golden”

[gets handcuffed] “rough life”

(i can’t believe they didn’t comment more on the handcuffs honestly)

“i feel like i’m watching power rangers”

“hey siobhan. adrien’s pretty flexible” “sexy beast” “and marinette’s pretty flexible.” “kinky sex.” both of you need to stop

“now it’s pokemon”

“chat noir is my favorite pokemon”

“awww chAT LOVES HER” “SADRIEN”

“i’m so invested in this show it’s not even funny.”

dark cupid

“i didn’t know mario characters were in this”

god he is really yellow “i told you. he has like a golden glow”

“i love that little bean” [tikki]

“i love that cat” [plagg] “i love adrien he needs a hug” “i love everyone in this show. except chloe”

“bitch” “[chloe]’s so meaaaaaan. why do people have to be so mean”

“look it’s mothman” “mothman! i don’t even know his real name anymore” hawk moth “mothman!”

“i hate that word [evilize]” you told us. several times. “good cause i hate it.”

“HAH!” “HAH! miraculous is my favorite anime” “she sounds like when tortoises have sex”

[chat gets hit] “NO” “uh oh” “NO NO THEY’RE IN LOVE”

“tea you know how sensitive i am i’m tearing up”

“adrien is sad enough hE DOESN’T NEED THIS”

“they’re in love you can’t do this to them”

“tea you don’t understand how hard i’m try not to cry right now. i’m not kidding”

“this is a show for six year olds and i’m crying”

“did [chloe] just scream daddy? how about we don’t”

“tea if they kiss i’m gonna actually cry”

[get back you savage] “ME” “me when my boyfriend’s trying to kiss me”

[chloe falls] “don’t hurt her. i hate her but— don’t hurt her” “literally just kill her”

[ladybug ties chat to lamppost] “christian gray?” “spiderman?”

“me trying to get a boy to kiss me”

[bugeyes] “THATS REALLY SAD BECAUSE HE CALLS HER BUGABOO I HATE THIS SHOW”

“tea this is really sad because i’m going to go home and read fanfiction about this” uh funny story

“let’s play a game called let’s guess tea’s fan fiction”

[and now for the pussycat] “and now for the pussy” “stop”

[kiss] “WAHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHHHAHAAAAAAAA”

“he doesn’t remember and i’m upset”

“*crying* they’re in lOVE”

“alright tea that’s fine. just get me into a show for six year olds and make me cry”

“tea does he not remember” nope “fuckING”

[pound it] “pound each other”

[ladybug leaves before chat tells her he loves her] “nooooo NOOOO he was gonna tell her that he loves her. i hate everything”

they’re like fifteen “they’re CUTE”

[the card isn’t signed] “ARE YOU KIDDING ME” “*disappointed sigh*” “ARE YOU KIDDING ME. SHHHFFFFFF *face down on floor crying*”

hey look it’s the kiss “SIOBHAN YOU’RE MISSING IT” “*looks up and screams*”

“i wanna die. i hate you tea”

“looks to me with tears in eyes* THIS IS AS BAD AS TINKERBELL. I’M LITERALLY CRYING. I’M ACTUALLY CRYING. TEA”

“tea i hate you this SUCKS”

“they’re like victor and yuuri but straight” “*in a terrible russian accent* HELLO YUURI”

(they literally won’t stop crying)

pixelator

“caitlyn shut up” “i’m not kidding actual tears are coming out of my eyes”

[daddyyyyy] “stop saying that”

[jagged stone appears] “oh my GOD”

“tea i’m never gonna forgive you”

“i love that crocodile. can i have a crocodile” no “FANG HAS A CROCODILE” FANG IS THE CROCODILE

“EAT HIM”

“for some reason [stalker person] kind of reminds me of markiplier”

his outfit’s interesting, but whose isn’t? “you mean the condom man?”

“ohhhhh i get it. gopher. go FOR. i’m so smart”

“can i have one of those small children [kwami]” no??? “why not look at it’s little face!”

“now he REALLY looks like markiplier”

“ok [chloe]’s hair changes color like every episode”

[adrien gets zapped] “dammit. no. NO”

“he’s goLDEN”

[to chloe] “stoP TOUCHING HIM”

“[tikki] has a small tail. i love that”

“i love that— why can’t i have a crocodile”

“i love owl man” [the principal]

“you’re safe with owl man”

[chloe speaks] “shut up. stop touching ADRIEN”

[friend’s mom: what the hell?] “it’s a show for six year olds

“i love that crocodile”

“look that BEAN” [plagg]

“i love that. i’ve never actually watched his transformation but he goes like that and his ears pop up and love that”

“the fans mess everything up”

[plays piano] “brendon urie is that you”

animan

“LOOK ANIMAN! miraculous is my favorite anime”

“please tell me [nino]’s going up to alya” nope “*disappointed sigh*”

“this is literally midsummer night’s dream”

[mari and adrien bump heads] “KISS”

“i feel like there are just people hiding in the showers— i mean—“ “hiding in the showers?” “yes the shadows”

“i love that, every time she talks there’s a little emoji”

“oh my god i love [max and kim]. they’re in love”

“i love this so much”

“once my brother almost got eaten by a panther”

[tell her that i love you marinette] “WAHHHHHHH”

“is that an elephant? what the fuck?”

why is this show so extra “why is your life so extra?”

they’re locked in a cage together “sex” “christian gray” “christian gray is that you” i hate you both

[ladybug scratches under chat’s chin] “yes.....YES”

“neither of [her parents] have blue eyes” “yeah that’s a little annoying” *science talk*

“i love him. i want to marry chat.”

[chat: couldn’t he have chosen a slower moving animal?] “ME”

“if i had an animorph, i’d be a platypus” “i hate you so much. ....i think i’d be a wolf. a lone wolf. because i hate people.”

apparently i’d be a koala

“it’s gonna be tight *wiggles eyebrows*”

i can’t believe she pulled down a dinosaur “same”

“i feel like….adrien has been traumatized by that”

*friend misses hug* “awww yoU YOU MISSED IT!” “what happened to your—“ “REWIND YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

[hug] “AWWWWWW he loves her”

darkblade

remember when i was going to be productive today? *both turn to stare at me* ok stop judging me

[knights people] “YES”

“that was extra”

“he sounds like a really bad shakespeare actor”

[chat falls backwards off bridge] “me” me “me too chat”

“what is his name? darkbrain?”

“yes, take [chat]. and bring him to me”

“there are literally windows they could smash through”

“until the barricaaaades arriiiiiiive”

[dark blade stars destroying paris] “that’s cute” “that’s my life”

“when you realize that’s probably the best visual representation of depression you can get”

(after this we watched the pharaoh but we kept the commentary to a minimal because we’d been watching a lot and were tired. also they were getting really into it)

timebreaker

(mostly soft and quiet commentary for this one)

“this poor woman who just wanted her stupid cake. like honestly? she just needed a cake”

[chat gets hit] “uh oh. NOOOOOO BABY. BAAAABBBYYYYYY”

“this show makes me want to die”

“the only thing i don’t like about this show is the transformations. and the fact that it makes me want to cry”

the gamer

“did he just say inconceivable”

“PAPA PAPA I DO NOT UNDERSTAND”

he’s literally just a triangle “who’s just a triangle? oh him? what the hell?”

“*whispers* they’re on a date”

“did he just say do a barrel roll? i hate him”

“this reminds me of the thing from the incredibles”

“this is my type of episode. but like really extra”

“the height difference between them is my happiness”

(obviously we talked less toward the end as we lost steam and got more invested. but they said they wouldn’t watch anymore without me, so i’ll be there when they watch origins....)

#bon and cat react to ladybug #miraculous ladybug #why are they like this

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journeyintowriting · 7 years

Text

Movie Reviews

Because my allergies has kept me on house arrest curled up with my air purifier, and I’m spring break for the next two weeks; I’m catching up with some movies I haven’t gotten to see yet and a few I thought I would never watch because Netflix has them and I��m bored.

First things: I now have a love/hate relationship with Supernatural. I finally caved in and watched it, and now I’m impatiently waiting for Netflix to put season 12 up because I’m NOT paying $30 on Amazon to watch it. I pay for Amazon Prime, I should be able to stream anything without paying crazy amounts. I have a love/hate relationship with Dean, Sam is kind of cute in a puppy way, Castiel is kind of annoying, the damsel of the week is REALLY annoying, their total lack of research on just about anything supernatural or myth related is EVEN MORE ANNOYING, the Impala is my favorite character, Mark Sheppard is amazing/adorable, Jim Beaver can be my grumpy Uncle, and my favorite episodes are (that I can remember): the one where Dean is afraid of everything, Swan Song, the one from the Impala’s POV, where Dean is Death for a day, where Sam tries to communicate with Dean’s spirit, a day in the life of Bobby, the arch where Sam is coming off the demon blood, where Dean dies and the last shot is of him opening his eyes, where Dean faces Cain, and the one where Sam keeps reliving the same day over and over again and Dean keeps dying in comical ways. OK Netflix, please put up season 12!

Right, movies.

The Jungle Book (the new one)- better than I expected. I really like the attention to detail with the animation of the animal characters and Mowgli was much better and a lot less annoying than the cartoon version. I also like how they went with the darker and grittier elements of the book rather than a straight copy of the cartoon version. While Jim Cummings is a better Kaa and the change to the songs was jarring, I enjoyed this version. Mowgli’s relationship with the animals, especially his pack, was better, and they didn’t shy away from Khan’s violent aggressiveness (his visit to the wolf pack was, unexpected) when they could have easily made him like his charming cartoon version. What I REALLY enjoyed was the move from the British Colonialism as depicted in the animated version to touching on and embracing the spirit of the Indian culture and Hinduism. Using the elephants not as a representation of British occupation but as the spiritual element in the film had me jumping off my couch I was so excited. I also enjoyed the touches of the original score sprinkled here and there. Also, Mama wolf taking charge of the pack and not putting up with Khan’s shit was breath taking. Lupita does amazing work and she didn’t fail! 3.5 out of 5

The Giver- I was worried about this one. It didn’t do well in the box office and reviews were spotty. As someone who loves that book, it added to my wariness. But, there were many times it followed the book, or was changed to add a new perspective on the message of the book that I enjoyed. I didn’t like the ending, as the book’s ending has a distinct purpose and message. But then I remembered that I was getting it confused with Fahrenheit 451′s ending and I was OK with it. Same idea, similar message, different books. The acting was better than I expected. Though it’s often difficult for actors to not show emotion when it’s something they’re trained to do. Jeff Bridges and Meryl Strepp were great at their roles. I was wondering when I wasn’t liking Rosemary (The Giver’s daughter), then I found out Taylor Swift was the one acting her. Mystery solved. What I loved most besides Jonas’s actor’s acting (say that five times fast!) was the choices in cinematography. Having it start off in black and white then moving to colors as Jonas is able to see color was beautiful. It was all crafted so well and it’s not often I praise cinematography. Overall, a faithful adaptation of the book. 4.5 out of 5

Kubo and the Two Strings- Holy cow stop animation has come a long way! Breathtaking to watch. It felt computer generated but it was all done by hand. If you’re familiar with how folk stories and myths go, the story line is a little predictable. There is a lot of symbolism, and once you catch on to it it’s pretty easy to find out what happens next. I’m not as familiar with Japanese mythology and folklore, so the material was new to me. Construction, all myth/folk stories are the same formula. But the story was fantastic. It also featured an instrument that is often heard but not often seen in Western culture. So it was great to see this particular instrument featured to educate. Some of the voices were odd choices (looking at you Beetle/Matthew), but overall it was a fantastic movie and a fresh look at non-Western stories. 4.5 out of 5.

Sky High- Yeah, I’m a bit behind on this one. Cheesy movie, stilted acting, bad costumes; I’ve been avoiding this one. It turned out OK. Not the best superhero movie, and I KNOW that’s not teenagers act, but it did something our modern superhero movies tend to shy away from or do badly. What I appreciated were the kids who had seemingly lame powers or were the outcasts were put in the spotlight to show their creativeness. And in no way were damsels being rescued. Pushed to the side or antagonized a bit, but they were right there saving the day. Cheesy, but entertaining. 3 out of 5.

Goosebumps- It was much funnier than I expected. Also had the fun twists and turns that you would expect out of a Stine book. Now, after meeting and talking with the real RL Stine, Jack Black’s version of the author was way funnier than the average film watcher would see it. Jack Black is hysterical in his own right, but his `mannerisms and dry wit and the sudden twists were very much in character of the author. What I didn’t like was the stereotypical nerdy kid and the Aunt, as they were both annoying and not really needed. What I loved was that it didn’t shy away from the scary element. Besides being funny, Stine has a way of scaring the living daylights out of you. The screenwriters did a great job of taking all of these monsters and nightmares and bringing them to life. If you’re an 80s/90s kid like me who grew up with these books, it brings back childhood fears in an anxiety-inducing way. OMG SLAPPY. That terrifying dummy still scares me. If you are a fan of Stine and his Goosebump series, or want to laugh while getting a scare, this is a good movie to watch. And, yes, Stine in his cameo is exactly how he is in real life. 4 out of 5.

Alice Through the Looking Glass- I’ve been putting this off due to the whole mess with Depp, but I love Mia and Elfman so I watched it. Here’s the problem with time travel movies. Unless you’re HG Wells or Doctor Who, time travel is often used as a bad plot devise and is often mishandled. I’m not as familiar with the book Thought the Looking Glass, so I can’t tell you how faithful it is. However, for a Wonderland story, it was weird and trying too hard. You could tell that the live actors were just kind of there, except Mia who was much more comfortable in her role and acting in general (Crimson Peak did her good!). It all seemed hurried and aimless in storytelling, which was disappointing because I enjoyed the first film and I’m not a huge Alice fan. Andrew Scott’s cameo was great, and I loved the character development in Alice’s Mom. However there was a cute man with Hamish’s group that the camera seemed to favor but he didn’t really have a purpose except to give Alice heart eyes. He looked interesting, focus on him! If they hadn’t messed with the time travel but use time in some other manner (running out of time for something) I think it would have worked better. 2.5 out of 5. 4 out of 5 for Mia.

I have Moana and Home to catch up on tomorrow. Maybe something else if it catches my eye.

#movie reviews #The Jungle Book #Sky High #The Giver #Goosebumps #Alice In Wonderland #RL Stine #Jack Black #Kubo

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