#ok now i sleep i think but am too anxious about shit So hm

[elytrafemme]

girlfriend :)

[oblxvion]

euphoric | eren jaeger (1)

-> pairing: eren jaeger x f!reader

-> wc: 5.4k

-> warnings: use of marijuana, smut, praise kink, degradation kink, spit kink, oral (f and m receiving), fluff

you were stressed. it was almost the end of the term, and you had spent the past two weeks studying and prepping for your exams because you needed those grades. you had been slipping a lot in your classes but you managed to bring your grades up with the help of your good friend armin. he was extremely smart and honestly, without him, you didn't even want to think about what your grades would be.

“ugh, sasha, i can’t study any more.” you groaned, bringing you head down to into the vast sea of review that you had been going over as per armin’s request. “i need a break, i feel like my brain is going to fucking explode.”

sasha looked over up from her phone and laughed. “it’s gonna be worth it, i promise. once you finish these exams, you’ll be able to relax for a bit. do you wanna smoke later ‘cause we’re all getting together later at eren’s, i forgot to tell you.”

you hadn’t checked your phone in the past few hours so you didn't know that there were plans that had been made. 

you didn’t move your head as you contemplated the thought, it sounded like fun to see everyone and ignore the work you had for at least a bit. exams weren’t for another week and a half, so you should be fine.

“yeah, i'll come.”

“yay! i’ll text the group chat and let them know that we’re gonna leave at around 6.” she squeals as she grabs her phone and starts typing away a text that you soon receive as well.

“ok, i need to nap first. plus it’s like 4 so i’m gonna pass out for a bit.” you got up from the kitchen table and made your way over to your bedroom, beginning to get comfortable. “wake me up at 5.” you yelled so she could hear from her room.

“you got it.” sasha yelled back. you could tell that she said that with food in her mouth. 

“typical.” you chuckled as you felt your body drift off to sleep.

“y/n! hey! wake up! it’s 5:30. i lost track of the time.” sasha tried to shake you awake in which you grumbled in response. 

“ugh, ur so timely.” you joked as you made your way out of your room, and into the shared bathroom. wow i look like shit you thought to yourself as you turned from side to side trying to see all of what you looked like in your oversized sweatshirt and shorts.

there was not enough time for you to get ready to look at least presentable, but you felt gross so you turned on the shower and threw your clothes into your hamper. you put on some music because who showers without music and you made sure to shave because it had been awhile since you had and you wanted to feel clean.

once you had finished, you grabbed a towel and checked the time on your phone. 5:40. perfect.

“y/n, we have like 20 minutes,” sasha called from her room. “do you think you can be ready by then?”

“yeah, i just need to dry my hair and throw on some clothes and i should be good.” you said as you walked into her room, she was pretty much ready to go, and dressed in shorts and a baggy t-shirt. no one really dressed up for these sessions because everyone was already super comfortable with each other.

“ok i’m gonna go change, i don't know if i’ll have enough time to dry my hair though.” 

“you’ll be fine. plus, we can be a bit late, they wouldn’t start without us anyways.” she says with a smile as she puts on a sweatshirt.

you made your way back to your room and threw on a pair of sweatpants, a loose fitting tank top and your favorite pullover. as you made your way back to the bathroom to dry your hair, you found yourself stressing once again about your exams to which you took a deep breathe and reminded yourself that you needed to relax and this was a well deserved break. 

after you finished drying your hair, you quickly ran a brush through it, and put on some deodorant along with your favorite perfume.

“ok sash, i’m ready.” you called from the bathroom as you fixed your appearance for the last time. 

“perfect! i ordered us an uber because i don’t really wanna drive and i know you don't like driving high.” she says as she grabs the last of her things and we make our way out the door and to the bottom of our apartment complex.

“soooo...” 

you look at her as the uber pulls over to the side of the road. “so what?”

“have u been seeing anyone recently?” sasha looks over to you as she gets into the uber after you. 

“how could i? i’ve literally been studying nonstop. i wish though.” you say with a sigh. you had been so preoccupied with studying and getting your grades up that you haven’t had the time to see anyone except friends. “why do you ask?”

“oh, it’s nothing really. i was just curious, you know, being your roommate and all.” somethings up, she’s clearly trying to pick at something and this does not go unnoticed by you.

“ok,” you laughed and shook your head. “whatever you say.”

before you knew it, you both arrived at eren’s apartment complex. for some reason, you felt anxious. you knew the boys that were going to be there but you had this gut feeling that something was going to happen.

the two of you made your way up to his floor and knocked on his door which was opened almost instantly as if he were waiting.

“sasha!” connie exclaimed, embracing the girl into a bear hug. “hey y/n.” 

“hey connie.” you smiled in response. it was really cute how the two of them were so close, it’s almost like they were twins. you made your way into the apartment and saw jean and eren, arguing over god knows what.

“hey guys!” you say as you walked over to the two of them, hugging them both. 

“y/n! it’s been a while. how’s studying with armin?” jean asks as he pulls away from the hug.

“god. don't even get me started. i am in hell. armin’s being so helpful though.” you chuckle as you walked over to eren, who was looking at something on his phone but quickly shoved it away when he saw you coming towards him.

“hey y/n.” he says with his boyish smile as he pulls you into a side hug and you notice that his hand lingers for a bit longer than normal but you smile in response.

“so, can we smoke now that they’re finally here?” connie asks as it was very clear that he was getting impatient. 

“yeah, yeah, let’s go to the deck.” eren’s apartment had a deck with was extremely nice and over time, it had become the signature smoke spot for you guys. it had an outdoor couch and a few chairs along with a small table which was perfect.

you made your way to your favorite spot which was the right corner of the couch so you could be close to the edge of the balcony and look out at the view of the city. everyone had their signature spots, it was like an unspoken rule but everyone followed it. eren next to you on the couch, sasha, jean and connie in the three chairs on the opposite side of the table.

there were some blankets already outside along with a speaker that eren played some music on to set the vibe. 

“since you guys were taking too long, i rolled us a joint so we could smoke sooner.” eren said as he sat down next to you.

“aw, how kind.” you tease him as you nudge yourself against his shoulder, earning a chuckle from him. “dibs on first hit.” 

“aw, c’mon!” jean whined, knowing that you always give the blunt to eren right after you hit. 

“i get priority since eren is my best friend.” you smirk and wait for eren to say anything but he just laughs and shakes his head. 

you and eren had always been close ever since you started school. he even introduced you to everyone, which was the reason why you were here with them now.

eren took out his lighter and lit the joint and passed it to you. you took it between your pointer finger and thumb and took a long drag. 

oh how you had missed this feeling. the feeling of being high with your friends. you passed the blunt back to eren as he took a hit himself and you exhaled the smoke.

the joint was passed around the circle until everyone had gotten a good amount of hits and it was finished. you felt your high and you leaned back into the couch as you closed your eyes.

“tired?” 

you opened your eyes and looked over to eren who’s eyes were red, just like yours. “no, just relaxing. this is nice. i needed this.”

“yeah, i noticed. armin told me that you’d been really stressed lately so i texted asking if people wanted to smoke but you didn't respond so i assumed you were studying,” he says as he stretched his arms and placed them just behind your shoulders.

“thanks,” you laughed as you stared into his turquoise eyes only now noticing how pretty they were. you had looked him in the eyes before but this time it felt different and he felt it too. but your staring was soon broken by sasha’s wails of being hungry.

“there’s food in the fridge, i had takeout last night so there’s probably some leftovers.” eren nods his head towards the inside of his apartment. sasha stood up and made her way towards the food as connie followed her.

“hey! save some for me!” he yelled as he chased after her. all that was left was you, eren and jean. there was clearly some tension in the air but you decided to ignore it.

“ain’t no way i’m gonna be third wheeling right now.” jean huffed quietly and joined the two inside. 

third wheeling? you ignored it because jean obviously knows that you and eren are close friends, nothing more.

oh, how you were wrong.

eren looked over to make sure that there was no way for the others to see the deck and he moved his arm down towards your shoulder. you were shocked by this, but in a way, it was comforting. 

“y/n?” he asked staring off into the distance.

“hm?” 

he didn't respond so you took it upon yourself to look up at him.

“what’s up?”

no response once again.

your lidded eyes becoming heavy as he looked down at you with a tender look on his face. he leaned his face closer to yours until your noses were touching.

“eren?”

his lips connected with yours, igniting a feeling inside your chest that you had pushed away when you first became close. you melted into the kiss and kissed him back in a slow and sensual kiss. eren pulled back and tucked your hair behind your ear as he went back in for another kiss. you didn’t know what to do but the feeling that this gave you, it wasn’t like any other kiss you had before.

“wanted to do this for a long time.” he whispers and rests his nose on yours. 

you didn’t know what to say in response so you pulled him back for another kiss that was interrupted by the three of them coming back out onto the deck. you pulled away quickly, hoping that no one had seen what just happened. eren kept his hand on your shoulder, but no one had asked about it so you just let it slide.

it had been a few days since you had last seen eren. everyone was texting in the group chat about plans for the upcoming days but you had to study, or at least try to study. the kiss that you and eren shared had been replaying in your head ever since it had happened. you knew that he was high and he may not remember it, but it still bugged you and you had to know.

but most importantly, this kiss had sparked feelings inside you that you had pushed away so long ago and it was beginning to get hard to consume them. eren was constantly on your mind, and you couldn’t focus on your work. 

you needed to talk to him but you didn't know how because you didn't know that he had these feelings for you and you didn't know that you still had those feelings for him. you realized that you were ignoring these feelings that you had for him because he was your close friend and you didn’t want that to ruin your relationship.

it was driving you crazy. you needed to talk to him. 

you grabbed your phone and clicked on eren’s contact and called him. it didn’t even finish the first ring.

“hey y/n! what’s up? how’s studying?” he said and you felt your heart swell at him saying your name, which never happened before until now.

“hey, can you come over later? i need to talk to you,” you sigh. this is it, you need to know if he truly had those feelings or he was just playing with you.

“yeah, of course,” he stammered. “is everything ok?”

“yeah, everything's fine, i just wanna talk to you.”

“ok, i can get a ride now if you want me to.” is he eager?

you looked at the time and remembered that sasha was out with connie and jean so she would probably not be coming back tonight.

“actually, yeah, that sounds fine. see you soon, eren.”

“ok, i’ll text you when i’m close.”

“ok,” you ended the call and placed your phone down, taking your head in your hands. you’re overreacting right? he definitely feels for you, why else would he kiss you?

“i need to shower.” you said to yourself, trying to ignore the thoughts in your head.

as you got out of the shower, you heard your phone get a text, which you assumed to be eren. walking back to your room, you heard a knock at the door and you froze. you were still in a towel and debating whether or not you should open the door for him, which you did because you didn't want to leave him standing out there.

“hey y/n, oh,” he stops and looks you up and down. 

“sorry, i just got out of the shower.” you say as you open the door and motion for him to come inside. “can you just wait a sec while i go put some clothes on?”

“oh, uh, yeah. i’ll wait in the kitchen.” he looks around and scratches the back of his head nervously. his hair was tied back into a messy bun like usual and wearing gray sweatpants with a black shirt and his chain peeking out from under it. “you good?” he asked as he took off his shoes.

oh my god, was i staring?

“oh, yeah, i'm fine. i just spaced out a bit, sorry.” you chuckle nervously, tucking a piece of your wet hair behind your ear. “i’ll be right back.”

“take your time.”

you made your way back to your room and threw hung your town on your closet door as you looked for clothes to wear. you opted for a pair of pajama shorts and an oversized t-shirt that was sasha’s but for some reason, it was in your closet. once you had finished changing, you made your way over to the mirror that was across for your bed to make sure that you looked fine.

“ok, breathe.” you exhaled and opened your door calling for eren to come into your room.

he came into your room, still clearly feeling awkward about your interaction from before. “nice room, i like the led lights you have.” 

“thanks,” you laughed and sat on the bed, motioning for him to come sit next to you, which he did.

“so, what's on your mind y/n?” he asks, leaning up against the headboard and trying to get comfortable. 

“i don’t know, i've just been thinking about some things recently, and i can't seem to get them out of my head.” ok, good start.

“like what?” he looks over at you. oh no, don't look at me like that.

“the kiss we shared a few days ago, it’s been in my head on repeat.”

eren looks confused and looks towards your mirror, “is that a bad thing?”

“huh? i mean no, it’s not, i just don’t know what to do because these feelings have come back that i pushed away from when we became close because i didn’t want to ruin our friendship. but right now, it’s consuming me and i don’t know what to do.”

“well, i wouldn’t have kissed you without having feelings for you, y/n. i don’t know how you didn't notice it. i’ve been kinda bad at hiding it.” he said calmly as his gaze remained in front of the two of you. “but if you didn’t like it, we can just forget about it. i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” he turns to look at you once again. 

“no, i enjoyed it actually, but...” you trail off nervously, feeling your face becoming hot. you tried to turn away but his hand grabbed your chin and turned you back to face him. 

“but what?” he says softly, looking into your eyes which caused your heart beat to pick up. he thought it was so cute how you were getting so flustered by him.

“but i don’t want to be played...” you averted his gaze.

“y/n, i would never play you.”

you look back at him, now knowing the answer that had been bothering you for the past few days. it took all your strength to not kiss him right there but he beat you to it, closing the gap between the two of you. in that moment, all your worries had washed away, feeling content and glad that you had this conversation with him. the kiss soon escalated into you and eren sliding your tongues into the others mouth. you felt yourself getting hot once again but this time, a completely different reason. eren brought his hand that was on your chin behind your head, pulling you deeper into the kiss as you melted into his mouth once again, whimpering at the feeling. eren could feel it go straight to his dick that was now straining in his pants, trying to contain himself because he didn't know whether you wanted this or not.

“let me show you how much i care for you, yeah?” he says as he pulls away for a brief second. 

“eren, please,” you whimper as his lips met yours once again but this time with more passion. eren then moved so he was on top of you, caging you in his arms as he continued to kiss you. “i want you.”

“’want you too, baby.” the pet name going straight to your core. eren moaned as he moved from your lips down to your neck, gently kissing and sucking to leave a mark. he then placed his hands at the bottom of your shirt, looking at you as if he was asking with his eyes for permission to undress you, you nodded your head vigorously and lifted your hands up so he could take it off. 

“no bra? it’s like you’re begging me to fuck you, angel.” he then brought his lips down to your left nipple, gently sucking on it while taking the other between his fingers, moving it around earning a moan from you at the feeling. he then moved over to the right and did the same action. “you’re so beautiful.”

“ohmygod please, please,” you knew you sounded desperate, but you couldn't help yourself. you had been denying the fact that you had wanted this for so long.

“use your words, tell me what you want.” he groaned and came back up to kiss you, relishing in the feeling of your lips against his.

“’wanna feel you,”

“where, pretty girl?” he sat up at looked down at you with a smirk on his face, he knew where you wanted him but he wanted, no needed to hear you say it. 

“’want you inside me eren, please,” you whined arching your back so he could get the message. he chuckled and brought himself back down towards your sternum, placing wet kisses as he made his way down to the waistband of your shorts. 

“can i?” he looked up at you and immediately saw the approval in your eyes. “you don’t know what you do to me, do you?” you whimper at his remark, lifting your hips up in the process so he could take your shorts off easier to reveal your thong and the painfully obvious wet spot. he placed a finger on your slit, dragging it down slowly, teasing you.

“stop teasing me,” you whined, trying to prop yourself on your elbows but to caught up with the euphoric feeling that you couldn't. eren slowly took off your panties to tease you even more, and threw them behind him onto the floor.

“fuck, baby. this all for me?” he looked up at you with his jade green eyes meeting your e/c ones. he could feel the precum running down his shaft, struggling to keep his composure.

“yes eren, all for you.” your breath hitched as he spit onto your needy heat, bringing his tongue down to your clit, giving it a few kitten licks before he quickened his pace and wrapped his left arm around your leg to keep you in place, not once breaking eye contact. “fuck, keep doing that, holy shit!” you could feel him smirk against your core, and if it couldn't get any better, you felt a finger at your entrance before sliding in. “eren!” he felt so embarrassed to be rutting his cock against the bed but the noises you were making were sinful and he couldn’t help himself.

you began to feel your stomach tighten as he added another finger into your hole and picked up the pace. the sensation was incredible, the feeling of his tongue on your clit and the pace of his fingers going in and out of your pussy. your slick was dripping down his fingers, it was driving him crazy. he felt you tighten around his fingers, you were close.

“’gonna, ‘m gonna cum eren, please,” your release was so close, you just needed one more push.

“c’mon baby, cum for me.” he groaned against your pussy, sending vibrations throughout your whole body and you felt the coil snap. the moan you let out was pure sin and eren thought he was going to cum on the spot. “that’s it baby, good fucking girl.” as you got down from your high, you realized that he didn’t stop, you were sensitive, eren knew that but he needed one more from you.

“eren it’s too much, fuck,” you cry out as he brings his mouth back down to your heat and you can already feel yourself getting close again, and he could tell. you came even quicker this time, your juices gushing all over eren’s tongue. he lapped all of it up, not letting a single drop go to waste, and then taking his fingers covered in your slick into his mouth.

“you taste so good, i couldn’t get enough of you.” he whispers as he comes back up to kiss you. you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue. you reach down towards his throbbing cock, but he shook his head. “this is about you, baby.”

“please?” you look up at him and he couldn’t say no. he knew that he would not last long if you did as much as place your tongue on his tip. noticing that he didn't say anything, you took this as your chance. you flipped him over so that you were on top, and you could feel how hard he was. you grabbed the bottom of his shirt and helped him take it off, revealing his perfectly toned chest with chiseled abs. he threw the shirt to another place in the room, pulling you into another kiss shortly after. you moved from his lips down to his neck and down his chest stopping at his sweatpants to pull them down along with his boxers, revealing his swollen tip leaking with precum. he was larger than average and it excited you every bit. you smirked to yourself, and placed your lips on his tip, his breath hitched at the feeling.

you began to slowly drag your tongue down his shaft, maintaining eye contact with him, just like he did with you. you then took him in your mouth seeing how his legs tensed, you began to go even further. 

eren was trying so hard not to grab your head and push you onto his dick, afraid that he was going to ruin the moment with you and be too aggressive. you then took your mouth off with saliva connecting from his tip to your lips and then went back down taking him all in your throat before bobbing your head up and down, coming up for air while jerking him off. the sounds he was making went straight to your warmth, making you wetter by the minute.

“keep doing that, fuck y/n,” he groaned as his will vanished and he took your hair in his hands beginning to help guide you on his dick. he ran his hand through his hair and looked back at you, knowing that this image will forever be imprinted in his head. his legs tensed and you felt it, he was close. “fuck, i’m gonna cum, i’m gonna fucking cum.” he groaned as he shot thick white ropes of cum down your throat, you gladly took all of it and opened your mouth to show him that you did. 

“fuck, you did so good, so good.” he pulled you up towards him as you laughed into the kiss, and suddenly you were back on the bottom. “but now i’m gonna fuck this pretty little pussy, yeah?” he aligned himself with your entrance and your mind became fuzzy with the feeling of his tip right where you needed him most. he slowly pushes himself in but you didn’t need to adjust, and he began to move at a steady pace.

“oh fuck,” eren threw his head back at the sensation of finally being inside of you, the way your walls grazed his dick, pulling him back him. it was addictive, and he couldn’t get enough of it. “you feel so fucking good y/n.”

“fuckfuckfuck, ’m gonna cum eren.” the feeling came back embarrassingly quick but you didn’t care, the feeling was amazing.

“yeah? you’re gonna fucking cum? cum on my cock. cum on my fucking cock.” eren growled as his chain was in your face. hearing him be so demanding and aggressive set something off and you felt yourself release but this time it was different, arching your back at the feeling. eren was taken aback by the fact that he made you squirt, it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“that’s it, squirt all over my fucking cock.” he rode you out of your orgasm and continued to plow you into the mattress, picking up his pace. he was close but not quite there yet. you had taken into account that eren was aggressive in bed but he was being gentle with you at first, and you loved every bit of it. you wanted to make it more interesting. before you could even think, your hand met his cheek, and eren looked at you with a shocked expression but his eyes grew dark with lust. 

“fuck me like you mean it, jaeger.” you growled, hoping to get a reaction out of him. and oh boy, did it get a reaction.

“yeah? fuck you like i mean it?” he slapped you across the face, and then grabbed your cheeks and spit into your mouth. “swallow it.” if you thought you couldn’t get turned on anymore, you were so wrong. you rutted your hips against his, moaning at the sensation. this side of you was so different, and eren fucking loved it. he grabbed your throat, squeezing it and making you look him in the eyes as he fucked you with force.

“look at you, never knew you could be such a slut.” the name made you clench around him like a vice, earning a groan from him. “taking my cock so fucking well.” the feeling of you tightening around his cock for the 2nd time that night was making him lose his mind, he wasn’t going to last any longer and he knew that you weren’t either. he brought his hand that was around your neck down to your neglected clit and began rubbing circles as his pace became erratic. he was so close and so were you, but he needed you to come with him, he had to feel that feeling again. 

“fuck, i’m so close baby. fucking cum with me,” he moaned as he brought his head to your neck, you brought your arms and wrapped them around him, bringing him closer to you. before you could even comprehend, you released your juices, spraying all over his pelvis as he came shortly after you, painting your insides white. he stilled, trying to catch his breath but to his shock, you flipped him so that you were on top once again.

“not done yet.” you moaned as you began to grind yourself onto his cock. eren still so sensitive from his past orgasm that he was barely holding on by a string. seeing you on top of him, the way your breasts bounce and the way you look from this angle is driving him insane. he knows that he’s not going to last like this, the way you’re riding him, he grabs onto your hips and guides you.

you’re so overstimulated, you can’t even think straight. eren is trying so hard not to cum before you, but your pussy is milking him dry and before he knew it, he came inside you once again, legs shaking from the overstimulation. you lifted yourself off him and began to frantically rub your clit as you squirted all over his chest and pelvis. eren stared at you in awe, the way you looked like when you came and knowing that it was from him was a huge boost to his ego.

you finally collapsed onto his chest, trying to calm your breathing as he wrapped his arms around you. the both of you basked in this silence, thinking about the sex you just had.

“hope i wasn’t too rough, i kinda got carried away.” eren chuckled as he ran his fingers down your back, earning a laugh from you.

“no not at all, i really liked it actually.” you looked up at him, placing your chinos his chest. 

“I'm glad, been wanting to do that for a while,” he paused, as if he was looking for the right words to say. “i really like you, y/n.”

your heartbeat quickened, and you gave him a quick peck on the lips. “i really like you too, eren.” you blushed, “stay the night.” you didn't have class the following morning, so it was fine.

“ok, will do.” he squeezed you tighter, and you utterly being exhausted, you felt yourself drift off to sleep. eren gently moved you over and walked into the bathroom, finding a small towel and cleaning you and himself up. he grabbed you a new pair of underwear from your closet and the his shirt on the floor, dressing you before he put his sweatpants back on.

you felt the bed dip and a pair of arms bring your back to his chest and press a kiss to your cheek.

“’night y/n.”

© all content belongs to oblxvion 2021, do not repost or change.

[lazycheesecakeee]

Stray kids as love languages

Ok so I started thinking and that’s never good and somehow this got CHUNKY AF :))) But I hope you enjoy reading my messy thoughts about skz expressing love :)

Bang Chan

Giving: Gifts/Words of affirmation

Yeah SO… we all know how he always seems to always give the closest people to him, like everything, including the moon and a fucking rocket to the moon as well, and build it too, that before he gets anything at all? He is definitely a giver. He buys food, drinks, anything.

Anything you would accomplish, no matter how small would be an excuse for him to go out and buy you a meal and while you are there, if you only happen to glance at something twice, you already have it? Yeah you might feel bad and try to pay or say “stop giving me things all the time” but he would not stop and he would buy you the thing and shower you with praises for how well you did, even if you think it is not such a big deal.

You have a normal day when nothing happened? You go to the store together, he pays. He comes to visit you randomly. On the way he buys a flower and a random chocolate or a drink because he remembers somehow that you said you wanted to try it like 3 months ago. And the list never ends. He has a good sense for what people want too. So if you are close to him he gives you EVERYTHING. Showers of praises and all of his fucking money :)))) BOY HAS NO LIMITS.

Receiving: words of affirmation

Listennnn, as much as he gives and never stops, like NEVER. (Take his credit card away lmaoooo), when you acknowledge his little appreciations and thank him sweetly or give him a hug to let him know you are grateful, he gets immense satisfaction. I feel like he is the one to give but if he feels like he is used in the slightest he definetly cuts the rope short real FUCKING FAST.

I feel like he def is SUCH a sucker for appreciation and words of affirmation AND COMPLIMETS. He wants to feel needed and like his efforts are worth it. And giving him the verbal queue that his efforts don’t go unnoticed, that despite his busy schedule you appreciate the time with him, that his hard work and struggles to be the best are worth it, that the nights in the studio are fruitful and he is doing a good job, THAT would really make his entire day and his anxieties dissipate. Let him know he is wanted. Poor baby someone give him a sleep schedule too and some melatonin :)))))

Lee Know/Minho

Giving: Acts of service

He def strikes as one weird cranky, moody, annoying bitch with his behaviour but if you pay closer attention he is actually so observant and thoughtful/caring. He seems like you would not want to go to him for things but I actually think that if you take the time and grow close to him he is one of the most caring and protective people tbh.

Like it’s in his nature to pay attention to what close ones are doing, their schedules, interests and habits. He is the kind of person to never purposefully say or make a fuss out of doing something but somehow he knows you need something or you want something. And he buys the thing and puts it in the fridge. Or changes the sheets because he feels you are too sad and unmotivated and that would be good. Or buys something definitely because “he wanted it” but gets more, and a side of the thing you like a lot, because “it was there”, definitely not because he thought of you and that it would bring you joy. Or he would like pick a prescription for you or refill your water bottle before leaving or tell you to bring band-aids because you complained those shoes hurt you. Or tell me this boy would not chop the onions for the pasta sauce so you don’t ruin your mascara (I am not sobbing you are).  And he somehow fits himself in and things add up so well and your life is so much easier despite him claiming he „did nothing”.

Receiving: Words of affirmation

Although it doesn’t seem like it, something tells me it’s true. I read on an internet thing that people that seem cold and don’t want/seem to have the need for verbal affirmation and validation from strangers get actually more satisfaction from it than people who say it explicitly.

He also def strikes me like he was raised to be tough, to recover fast, to not be a cry baby and just get up and do the job, suck it up, be strong and independent. A little bit of trust issues into the mix as well ☹ You can actually kinda see a sort of anxious behaviour type of thing in him. So I feel like if you actually grow closer to him (ahem Jisung), acknowledging his efforts and how he makes your life easier, THAT would bring out the asshole being like “oh really? Hm interesting you think I do so much for you huh?” but he actually does thooo and you saying it would bring him like so much joy and make his heart happy.

Like each time you give him a compliment TM he would act like “yeah I know” or act disgusted but high key it soothes his spirit and ego when you say such things. He just loooves to hear how much you loved something he cooked or how attractive he was while dancing or how he was really thoughtful, and you appreciate it sm. He seems to have the nature to give, and he seems to expect to go unnoticed but when and if you do acknowledge his heart is actually swooning over it.

Changbin

Giving: Physical touch/Gifts

I think he would be the type to bring weird things to you for no reason along with 1000 kisses and a hug that is a bit too tight you know? Like his mind gets occupied with you if you are close.

And like he saw this weird card at the store or a little figurine or something which has a weird patters and he thought “Hm they must see this. They would like this strange ass thing I bought which was overpriced”. And when he gives you the thing you give like an odd smile and in your eyes is a „love you but wtf is this” and he would take your hands and look down and kiss them and say “I don’t know i thought you might like it?” And you would tease each other and he would start doing ayego and get really shy and just hug you again and place his head in your neck to avoid the eye contact, then lift you up and spin you and from there you have no chances of escaping the embrace TM.

Receiving: Physical touch

I feel like he would be a sucker for physical touch as your love language as well. If you reciprocate hugs, kisses and stuff. You know he seems like the kind to find comfort in holding you for no reason, like a hand on the knee or on your waist and if you two are comfy and give him little pets, stroke his hair, place your hand on his shoulder or biceps or take his hand with both yours or grab his middle randomly, he would swoon. Also you clinging to him and letting him cling to you I think is like thing he wishes for most tbh:) I feel like he feels safety and love by holding onto you and you onto him like he can protect you. He would like to know you trust him with that, ya know? Like he is a strong bitch ready to fight anyone coming at you and can protect you but is also your smol koala child which you can never escape.

Hyunjin

Giving: physical touch

Now this might seem weird to you BUT. He seems like he touches people out of nowhere sometimes and kinda clings. Not like all the time but enough. Like he likes being really close to you if he is close to you, you know?. He would be all up in your face with his weird ass mannerisms and humour but if they are reciprocated and he feels safe and good around you he naturally starts to cling if that makes sense? Like in a way a sort of telling others: “mine, you cannot have them before me” but also in the sense that you know he would do anything for you if you ask in those instances. Like YO, you have me, soul and body next to you, I am here :)))

Like he doesn’t seem like the type to buy things a lot (cheap ass I see you :)))) although he would sometimes) But he makes up by being there and encouraging you despite not knowing how to act or what to say all the time, he lets you know you can count on him and he is there. I feel like his touch expresses appreciation.

Receiving: words of affirmation/quality time

He strikes me as attention demanding lmao:)) OH I am yours pay attention to me I am your baby I require love and affection, undivided.

So if you make time to have lunch with him or have conversations before bed in peace (my dude seems like his thoughts overwhelm him all the time and honestly same :/ it’s kinda yikes tbh), or watch a movie/tv show, or just be in his presence when he is both excited or down, and listen to him rant and give him solutions or rant with him about random subjects and jumping around between them subjects, you would get all the uwus and he would probably be ready to dedicate his entire existence to your well being and desires.

He is just like that, a dramatic ass with overly changing emotions who wants a good connection, like a genuine one, where hours go by and someone truly understands him and things flow, ya know? (seems like the type to believe in fate type of love, which I find interesting)

Han Jisung

Giving: Physical touch/ Words of affirmation

He seems really touchyyyyy TM. But like in the way that shows physical affection because he seems a little insecure? That is kinda what he strikes me as. Like he wants to hold you. He wants to show you have him. He wants to be appreciated :( my child (and bias) help me I am sobbing:))) and he wants to make sure you know he appreciates you just as much.

Like he would hold your hand, hug you a lot or place random kisses and linger in those places? An he would compliment you and tell you your work is amazing and that he is proud and he would make lots of idiotic jokes to cheer you up, no matter the mood (we stan crackhead humour in this household) and he would tell you the most random shit he likes about you. Like “I like your socks” or “you changed your bag” or “the perfume is oddly floral just like your shirt and I like it”.

And he would make random short freestyle raps (kill me now I am in too deep) about you or a random thing you are doing. And he would just linger around you when you are busy and can’t give him attention. He wants to show trust and love through little gestures and trusts you to see them as a sign of his love because you make him happy and all.

Receiving: ALSO Physical touch/words of affirmation idk

I feel like he would like physical touch back? Like he would be fine if you didn’t like it, but like since he is like anxious and (to me) seems like a little overly aware of his “flaws and deficiencies”, he would like to know he has your “hold”. Like some sort of security type of thing.

Like small gestures, your hand on him, a little kiss, a hug, a squish :))), a little grip of reassurance and a nod of “you are doing good”. I think he would be a sucker for that. And also despite him lowkey rejecting your compliments like “yeah I know I am the best”, giving it to him would boost his self-esteem a lot, as I think he has many insecurities and quite a few complexes that are hard to express for him. So that, along with your touch and words to reassure him, he would love and get the idea that you want him close too, that he’s desired enough for you to seek his love, something like “you my dude are seen and loved for who you are”.

Felix

Giving: Giving gifts/Physical touch

He is defiantly a giver. He literally seems like he is so thoughtful and cares so much. Like we all know how his fellow members said he is great at gifts. Well duh. I feel like his gifts are not always big but like a small food or drink he brings because he knows you always love it, a flower he saw in the front of a flower shop he thought was pretty. Something you said you needed (or you didn’t say) but he knows you do need it because he just pays that much attention. A pendant necklace. A ring. A small ice-cream because the day is hot so why not. A donut that had flower sprinkles because you like to post aesthetic foods and so on. You name it. They would not be obnoxious, but it would sure show how much you are occupying his thoughts.

We also always know how he is attached to the hip to the people he is close to and he loves skinship. He said he loves back hugs, hugs, kisses he wants it all:)) So he gives plenty of cuddles for sure. You can never escape the octupus arms as you go to sleep each night, so might as well set up the air conditioning in your house as it’s about to get warm but affection and love above all, right? :)))))))

Receiving: Words of affirmation/Physical touch

I think he thrives if you return his little ministrations of affection. Does it matter? A hug, a kiss, holding him, a little massage, hand size comparison, throwing yourself on top of him on the couch or the bed at the end of the day. He LOVES it. You are also competing with Chan lol but no worries, he has plenty affections for all:))

Also I think he needs reassurance and a sense that people that are closest are proud of what he is doing(wipe your tears bitch). So I think acknowledging his hard work and the fact that he pulls through despite certain mental heath problems and telling him he does an amazing job and complementing his work would definitely mean a lot to him.

But give the boy your affection, A VerY tOucHy BoI. It makes his heart swell with joy knowing you pull him close and feel so much love for him that you don’t hold back from giving. Be an octopus with him tambien😊

Seungmin

Giving: Acts of service

Another one for acts of service. Our smol good boi which somehow does not seem smol at all because he exudes maturity and rationality lmao.

He would be such a servant if he loves you. AND YOU WOULD NOT EVEN NOTICE at first. Like I feel like he does stuff in a way similar to Minho where he makes sure your life is as easy as can be. Like puts your shoes out of the way, checks the weather so you don’t leave dressed inappropriately (forces you to take the puffier jacket despite it not going with your outfit, because “do you want to catch a cold, hm?”), gives you an umbrella. Fixes a random necklace which you broke by accident because he knows it will sit there for like 3 years if it’s in your care, and you like the necklace 😊. Makes sure you eat something healthy too(would definitely bring you washed and cut-up fruits after going out to eat at mcdonalds). And he for sure does not expect you to really notice, but if you do he is getting flustered and runs out the room with a big smile😊 what a baby tm.

Receiving: Acts pf service

I feel like he would appreciate most if you also took time out of your day to ease his life too. I feel like he would feel such relief and happiness and his heart would swell with affection and appreciation if you took on one of his (no matter how insignificant) tasks. Like he would be in a rush to leave and you woke up earlier before work to make him a coffee. Or when he comes home late you already put his clothes on the bed and prepared a bath. Or getting up and asking for extra napkins if he was not given any, or simply asking how can you make his day better. I feel like being helpful and listening and paying close attention to him would be what makes him happiest.

I.N./Jeongin:

Giving: Quality time/Gifts

He gets awkward when he tries to express feelings with words and is def not the most fond of skinship. However, I think if you were close he would be an amazing listener and sit with you and you could both share and grow together so much. He would give you the feeling he is ready to listen and be with you if you need him. 

That and also I feel like when you are out and about it makes him feel good to know he can buy you things you can enjoy, and you are appreciative of them and he has that power to brighten your day and be a mature adult by buying you things, despite not really needing them sometimes.

Receiving: Quality time/Words

You know how he struggled a bit with the dancing at first and you know how the other members say that he does nothing when someone criticizes him, he just goes out of his way to fix his “mistakes”? And also in Vlive when he said he doesn’t like to watch his own fancams because all he sees are his mistakes? My baby seems to have a bit (quite some) of an imposter syndrome and since he is young and everyone teases him, although with love, I feel like it gets a bit uncomfortable and tough. He seems he just wants to keep up, and be the best at what he does but it gets tough when you have to catch up with people who have been doing the thing for many more years than you and you are struggling with your feelings and figuring things out as you grow within a demanding contract. So I think someone to listen to his worries and give him undivided attention without judgement and put in their input without being intrusive would be the most amazing thing to him. That, along with compliments and acknowledgement of his efforts, telling him that he is doing GOOD and you are proud (although he might think that you are just saying it, since he seems to only see ways he needs to improve) would be good at raising his self esteem and encourage him to continue with his hard efforts.

[ayellowcurtain]

Can you write something with Max (Deja vu), Sander and Robbe

Robbe looks at Milan’s hands, holding his phone, searching for the picture that might pull Robbe back down to the worst time of his life. He hasn’t seen it yet but somehow, he’s sure he’ll see the man he’s so afraid of meeting again. Milan is also very nervous so Robbe tries to calm him down, rubbing his hand up and down his friend’s back.

“Here.” Milan finally finds it, sitting back to meet Robbe on the couch, showing him the picture. It was dark and he saw the men that attacked him and Sander only for a brief moment but he knows he would recognize any of them anywhere.

His heart starts beating fast and loud, making him dizzy and deaf for a long, painful second. He feels himself spiraling and he rests against the back of the couch to try and calm himself.

“Yeah, hm, it’s him.” Robbe swallows or tries to even though his mouth is dry and bitter.

“Really?” Milan looks at him with his eyes wide open, and Robbe sees the hand on his knee but he can’t feel anything, not a single inch of his body. He nods his head, feeling it heavy.

Milan puts his phone down and rushes out of the living room, saying something about grabbing some water for him. He really needs it but he doesn’t say it, holding Milan’s phone to look at the picture again. He’s arrested already, at least one, and Robbe wonders if he was alone this time, if the others are arrested too.

Milan comes back with the water and he helps Robbe hold the glass at first until Robbe can actually hold it, drinking everything at once. It doesn’t fix everything right away but at least he feels a little more aware.

“Your friend is at the station?” Milan nods his head, his eyebrows up in the middle and Robbe wishes he wasn’t so transparent about how this is affecting him. Milan already had a shitty night with the news from his friend and Robbe doesn’t want to be another problem for him to deal with.

“So let’s go there.”

“Robbe...are you sure?” Milan holds the glass back when Robbe gives it back to him and he nods his head, tapping his jacket to find his own phone.

“Yeah. Just need to tell Sander.”

Milan says he’ll grab his things, rushing out of the room, still as scared as Robbe, and Robbe is alone again, grabbing his phone, staring at their conversation for a moment while breathing in and out, knowing this won't be easy.

It’s never easy to talk about that night because they can never really talk about it. He and Sander have very different opinions about how they should have dealt with everything and they can never settle for the middle ground, they’re both sure of their opinions.

Robbe wishes he had the courage to go to the police then and he can’t believe he’s having another chance of doing right, of doing what he wanted to do but couldn’t do alone.

To Sander: I’m going to the police

He bites his nails, anxiously waiting for Sander to answer already. Nothing he says will change his mind but Robbe just needs to tell him and to know what he thinks.

To Robbe: What?

What happened?

Are you ok?

To Sander: Yeah

Some of Milan’s friends were attacked…

And a few guys were arrested

I recognized one, Sander

Milan appears at the door, ready to go already, and Robbe gets up too, not sure how he’ll be able to walk but he thinks about the first step only, and the rest will follow. He’s about to lock his phone, putting the anxiety for Sander’s reaction in the back of his mind when Sander’s photo appears on his screen, calling him.

“Hi…” He lets Milan lead the way so he and Sander can have some privacy, this won’t be an easy conversation.

“Robbe, you can’t do this!”

Sander is not upset but he’s very mad. Robbe can imagine him pacing around his bedroom, not caring if his parents can hear them talk.

“I’ve decided, Sander. You don’t have to get involved. I’ll tell the police I was alone.”

“Robbe, what the fuck! Don’t go to the fucking police, for god’s sake! They won’t do shit about this! And then you’ll be in danger for no stupid reason! Don’t be dumb!”

Robbe lets Milan go inside their uber first, not wanting to drag the whole conversation now. He just needed to tell Sander and they’ll talk about it once it’s done.

“Sander, you won’t change my mind. I have to go, we’re at the station…”

“Robbe! Please!”

“I have to go, I’ll call you when I get home.”

And he hangs up before Sander can argue again. Milan holds his hand, sometimes squeezes even, the whole car ride.

In the back of his mind he kept thinking he would accidentally run into the guy, that he would recognize him and try something, anything but it doesn’t happen. The station is basically empty and they don’t even have to sit and wait. Milan’s friend is already there and Milan stays with Robbe while he tells the officers what happened over two years ago. He doesn’t feel as helpless as he thought he would because it’s been so long. The police officer seems to write every word he tells him, and he listens carefully and reassures Robbe that he can go home and go on with his life.

Milan asks if he needs anything when they leave, a distraction, to go out to eat something fancy to get their minds off of what happened, or to just go home.

Robbe prefers to go home and rest. He didn’t do much but it feels like he ran a marathon.

He would call Sander and ask him to come sleep with him, hold him tight while he sleeps - and cries - but he can’t tonight. Sander is probably too angry and triggered. As they step outside, he finds a familiar face instantly but it’s not the one he so desperately wants to see.

“Hey…” Max comes closer, both his hands deep inside his khaki pants pockets. His eyes are worried, and going from Milan to Robbe, looking at him for longer, like he’s checking if Robbe is still in one piece.

Robbe feels guilty for him being here so late. Even if he and Sander are twins, Max looks like a baby, and he’s so extremely calm and naive and Robbe thinks he should be in bed by now, drinking his bottle or something.

“Hi...did your brother send you here?”

“No, no, not at all. But he was pretty upset, and he wasn’t exactly hiding your conversation so I decided to come and check if everything was okay.”

“I’m okay but I need my bed, so I can sleep for like a day or two.”

Max smiles and nods his head, finally saying hi to Milan. They’ve met each other a couple of times, and if Max wasn’t exactly like his boyfriend, Robbe would love for these two to date. But Robbe also doesn’t know what type of person is Max’s type of person so he doesn’t want to pressure anything. It’s just odd with Sander having his hair back to its natural color. They have a very different style but they look the same, apart from the clothes and shoes.

“Come on, Max, join us! I’ll cook us some pasta…” Milan walks to the sidewalk, looking for the car that’ll take them home.

“Like you know how to cook.” Robbe tries to make a joke to show the other two he’s doing okay.

Max smiles and accepts the invitation, and they all get inside the car, Max squished in between them and Robbe finally grabs his phone, seeing the missed calls from Sander as soon as they finished their call earlier.

To Sander: I just finished at the station

Am going home now

If you wanna call…

I love you

He bites his cheek, thinking of his desperate need to see Sander, to be held by him for a whole night. He doesn’t want to argue, doesn’t want to talk about it or have to explain why he did what he did.

“Hm…” Max starts next to him and Robbe looks at him, not sure if he was reading the messages too, “Sander doesn’t know I came tonight so if you could just...not tell him that part.”

Of course Sander wouldn’t know. He and Max get along most of the time but sometimes it also happens that Sander thinks his brother is overstepping. Thinking about it now, Robbe is sure Sander won’t like to know his brother rushed to the police station when Sander himself wasn’t there. Robbe gets both of them, and he really gets Sander being a little bit jealous about it.

He nods his head because of course he won’t tell. If Sander talks to him any time soon. If he’s being completely honest, Max is the last thing he’s worrying about.

If he was alone in the car, he would call Sander, not ashamed to ask if he could put their differences aside just for tonight because he needs Sander. And he knows Sander would listen and would do as he would be told. But he doesn’t have it in him to be like that when Milan and Max are there, able to see him that vulnerable.

It’s hard to pay attention to the small talk happening between Max and Milan because Robbe feels so drained. He can barely keep his eyes open, anxious to be home, in his bed and alone so he can cry without feeling guilty for worrying his friends. Sander doesn’t want to talk to him either so he’s alone for the night. He doesn’t even know what he’ll tell his boyfriend tomorrow.

He slips out of the car, angry thinking about the flight of stairs in between him and his bed.

“What are you doing here?” He would recognize that voice anywhere. He looks up, finding Sander at his door, looking at his brother coming out of the car too.

“I invited him for dinner! And then with tonight’s events, I didn’t have time to cancel so we met him on our way home.” Milan intervenes before Max or Robbe can find a good enough excuse at the top of their heads.

Sander doesn’t argue for once, looking at Robbe again, still a little hurt but mostly worried and Robbe moves closer to him like magnets, hugging him quietly.

He takes a deep breath, squeezing Sander’s jacket, sighing when he finally feels heavy arms hugging him back, keeping him safe. Sander kisses his temple and keeps them still for as long as Robbe needs him to.

It feels inappropriate to have any conversation out on the street tonight, where anyone can see them, recognize them. After everything Robbe had to remember, and tell a stranger about, the last thing he wants is to be exposed on the street but he also needs Sander to understand why he did it without him.

“I’m sorry…” Sander whispers, a little too low for the windy night, “for everything.”

“I’m sorry too. For going without you.”

Sander looks away, stepping back so they can see each other more clearly, “When I met you, I wasn’t doing well. It got worse after the attack and with Britt. But I wasn’t doing well for some time. I was at my lowest suddenly during that night at the hotel. It was like suddenly the rope that was holding me snapped and I fell instantly, suddenly, like a switch turning off. I was at my bottom when I met you. I was there, in the dark and alone for some time and then you came unexpectedly and you rescued me.”

Robbe clenches his jaw, struggling not to start crying, worrying Sander even more.

“I am constantly afraid of losing you, of you getting hurt so badly by anyone, even me, that I see you at the bottom that I was when I met you. It was horrible, Robbe, and I don’t wish it to anyone, especially not you.”

Robbe puts his hands around Sander’s neck, still needing him closer, wrapping his arms around him when he stands closer, his hands on Robbe’s forehead, brushing his hair back, looking at him so immersively Robbe finally feels less drained, wanting to look deep inside Sander’s eyes for a couple of hours before falling asleep.

“We deal with trauma so differently. And with everything else too. And that’s what makes us so good, perfect for each other. We compliment each other and I love you even more when you try to understand me, to protect me. And I fucking love understanding you, protecting you. I’m sorry for not going with you. I won’t do that ever again. Whenever you need me, even if we disagree, I’ll try to always be there for you, to hold your hand.”

Sander leans down, resting his forehead against Robbe’s, still looking at him, pressing their lips together.

“I love you.”

“I love you. Can you stay for the night?” Sander nods his head, putting his arms down, taking Robbe off the floor for a few inches, carrying him to the front door, and Robbe climbs on his back once they’re inside, not needing to ask for Sander to take him home.

[imagines-r-s]

this is home (JJ Maybank x OC)

JJ Maybank x AJ Flynn (OC)

Summary: all the times AJ Flynn was JJ’s home and all the times he was hers

Warnings: violence, underage drinking, and marijuana use, domestic violence

also, my requests are open

I honestly really want to write more for my girl, Anastasia Julia Flynn.

--just to clarify, I am in no way trying to romanticize parental abuse and if it triggers you in any way, please don’t read --

JJ Maybank and AJ Flynn had a very interesting relationship. Both of them would make fun of the other until their last breath, but they’d also defend the other until their last breath. The two had so much in common, it was almost comical.  John B and JJ had met in the third grade, both of them meeting AJ a few years later. The three had been there for each other’s best and worst times. Pope and Kie joined the group, sometime during middle school. 

Big John had just gone missing and JB was the only one still holding on hope after a while. But everyone still supported him. 

Kie was the only other girl in the group, which helped a lot in terms of having to deal with all the testosterone in the air. So when she mentioned that she was leaving for her kook year, everyone --especially AJ-- was hurt. 

“What do you- what do you mean you’re leaving?” she was trying not to show the hurt on her face as she stood in front of the boys. 

“AJ, I’m just tired of being a pogue, sometimes people bail, get used to it,” AJ was seething at this point, taking her time to walk closer to Kiara. “AJ, don’t do something you’ll regret,” she heard John B say behind her. 

JJ was just waiting for AJ to explode, her history was just as violent as his, and he knew she’d act on impulses because he was trying hard not to. “So you mean to tell me after we were the ones here for you, that you’re just up and leaving. You’re not just leaving me, you’re leaving all of us. And your justification is ‘people bail, get used to it.”

“AJ-,” she tried to interrupt. 

“No, if you plan on leaving, don’t ever plan on showing your face here again, you backstabbing bit-” she was interrupted by a palm hitting my cheek. “Ok, that’s it.” 

“AJ, stop-”

“AJ, no.”

She heard the boys yelling behind her before she ran up to Kie and tackled her. “You want things to be like that? Ok.” Before she could throw the punch, she felt JJ pull her back and off of Kie. “JJ, let me go.” JJ looked at Kie, quickly telling her that if she’s leaving to leave now. JJ pulled her back into the chateau, almost struggling to keep a hold of her as she was flailing. 

He quickly took her into the spare room, that the two basically shared. He watched as she went to sit on the bed. “You need to calm down.” He couldn’t read the expression on her face like he usually could. She kept her eyes trained on the ground. “AJ, look at me. Look at me,” her eyes finally met his, and he could see the unshed tears,” you got to tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours,” he said poking her forehead, in an effort to make her smile. When he saw her roll her eyes, she knew there was a lot she needed to discuss. 

“How am I supposed to calm down, when she just up and left? Especially with the dumbass reason of people bail.” She ran her hands through her hair, an anxious habit she’d picked up over the years. “I just don’t get it.”

“Hey, I know it won’t help, but do you want to go on the water? How does that sound?”

“The boys can come, too, if they want.” 

The four of them spent the rest of the night on the HMS Pogue, trying to forget about the events that happened a few hours prior. The chaotic duo of JJ and AJ, sat next to each other smoking while the other two sat drinking on the other side of the boat. 

“So, AJ, you’ve never told us what AJ stands for,” John B asked, before taking a drink of his beer. “Yeah, I would like to keep it that way. Why don’t you ask your boy, JJ, what his name means?”

“Well, then it’s a question for both of you,” Pope interjected.

There were only a few people that knew your full name, not that she really kept it a secret, no one ever asked. “Anastasia Julia Flynn, AJ Flynn,” she took another hit of the blunt. JJ chuckled right next to her, to which she elbowed him in response. “I don’t want to hear shit from you, Mr. I was named after a criminal.”

“Wait, you guys know each other’s name and didn’t tell us,” Pope said. 

“Also, you’re named after a criminal?” John B said after.

“Jesse James Maybank, the one and only. But don’t ignore that AJ is named after a fucking princess.” 

“The names are really fitting, in all honesty,” Pope interjected to which the both of you simply shrugged. “You hear that princess, he likes your name,” JJ said with that stupid smirk on his face. “Shut up, criminal.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The next few months went by fairly quickly. The parties, the work, everything else. The chaotic duo kept up with the chaos, as usual. Both of them stayed at the chateau, not just for JB but also for their own well being away from their parents. The two of them knew that when the bruises were showing up on each other, it wasn’t because they were clumsy, or they fell, or any other excuse they would muster up. The two were used to cleaning the others scrapes and bruises anytime they came back from home or just when they were in fights, both occurred often. 

The group of four were hanging out on the hammocks, JJ had fallen asleep, basically laying on top of AJ, his arms wrapped around her waist. “When are you two finally going to admit your feelings for each other?” John B was the one to break the silence. “You know it’s not that simple, both of us are way too unstable for that.”

“That boy is whipped for you, plain and simple. He’s just too scared to admit it and so are you.” Pope did have a point, but she’d never admit that he was right. “I mean, you’re not necessarily wrong, but I’m not going to say that you’re right.” The two boys simply hummed in response, he opened his mouth to respond, but before he could respond, her phone started ringing. 

“Hey….yeah...uh, no I just got caught up at John B’s…I know...mhm...I know...yeah, I’ll head home…yeah..bye,” she hung up and sighed. Knowing that 1.) she would have to leave and 2.) she would have to wake JJ up. “Well looks like I will have to get going, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” 

“JJ,” she gently pushed him,” I have to go home, you have to move.” She heard him grumble, “Princess, no stay here.” Luckily, the blush on her cheeks was hidden by the lack of light outside. “Come on, Jay, I have to go.” When he finally moved, she was able to make her way towards her car, so that she could rough back home. 

“You calling her princess now?” John B asked after seeing AJ drive away. “It was just a joke b-because of her name, you know. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

“Aww, is JJ Maybank flustered over a girl?” Pope teased. “No, no, of course not. Where’s she going anyways?”

“You didn’t hear her say she was going home.” JJ was wide awake as soon as he heard those words leave Pope’s mouth. “Shit, okay. I’m going to head inside, but don’t lock up tonight.”

The other two boys were left worried but simply shrugged. JJ went back into their shared room, anxiously waiting for her to come back to him. 

AJ pulled into her driveway, shortly after leaving the chateau. She opened the door to see her father sitting in the living room. “ Anastasia, I’m glad that you could actually come home for once.” She was making her way over to the stairs that would lead her upstairs, “hey dad, I’m sorry, I lost track of time while I was hanging out with the boys.”

“You mean whoring it up with them?”

“No, that’s not what happened, I promise. We just hung out as always.” Before she could register anything, he had already brought his hand across her face with so much force that she was knocked on the ground. “Don’t lie to me, bitch.” 

AJ easily disassociated away from the harsh words, losing count of how many times she was hit, and trying to think of better times. She finally noticed when he had walked back to his room to which she made her way to the kitchen to pick up her keys and take some pain medications. She took note that a few hours had passed, seeing the clock saying it was almost 2:30 am when she left the chateau the clock read 10 pm. She only stayed longer to make sure her dad had fallen asleep before leaving to head back to what she considered her home. 

She stumbled into the chateau holding onto her side, hoping that JJ would be in their shared room, only to see him sitting on the couch. “Omg, AJ,” he made his way over to her, “love, are you ok?” He noticed her lip quivering to which he enveloped her in his arms. “I’m sorry if I woke you up or anything, I just couldn’t-”

“AJ, you don’t have to apologize for any of this. Come on let’s get you cleaned up,” he led her quietly towards the bathroom. She sat on the counter while he grabbed the first aid kit. “He thinks I’m whoring it up with you guys. And when I told him I wasn’t he-he did this.” JJ looked at her empathetically, not with pity, but the look that he could easily relate to whatever was going on. He had finished cleaning her cuts as gently as he could, which prompted her to ask, “can I sleep in your hoodie, tonight?”

“Yeah, of course,” he walked over to get her favorite hoodies of hers, making her smile, “c’mon bub, let’s get some sleep.” She quickly got situated on their bed, laying on JJ’s chest. JJ listened as her breathing evened out and her quiet snores filled the room.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The boneyard was filled with bodies as teens drunkenly moved around the boneyard. The pogues were all sitting around the fire, mostly just watching other people and drinking on their own time. JJ felt the girl beside him stiffen, he followed where her eyes were, seeing the ex-pogue making her way over to the group of pogues, with her new group of friends. “Princess, don’t start anything,” JJ whispered into her ear. 

“Hey, pogues,” Rafe Cameron said, glancing at those around the fire. 

“Hey, stuck up, entitled assholes,” AJ shot back. 

“Ooh, wouldn’t want your dad to hear that you’re talking to his best friend’s son with that mouth of yours, Anastasia,” Rafe shot back. “Don’t call me that,” she said, quickly standing up. “Rafe, come on dude,” Kie interjected. “Don’t defend us now, bitch,” she shot back. “Woah, back at it again with that mouth. Once daddy dearest finds out you’ll be black and blue, again.”

That was all it took for JJ to lunge forward and punch Rafe square in the jaw, over and over again. “JJ, stop,” AJ tried to yell over all the noise. JJ didn’t stop until Pope and John B had pulled him off, even then he was still thrashing in hopes that they would let go. “Hey, hey, hey, look at me. JJ. Look at me,” AJ had put her hands on JJ’s face, to ground him. “We can go back to the chateau and smoke, but you need to calm down now. Okay, bub?” She didn’t move until he nodded and took her hand in his. 

“I’m sorry, he just shouldn’t have brought that up,” JJ interrupted the silence. “You’re right, but you can’t let him win by doing that. It shows that he has an effect on you.” JJ chuckled in response to what the girl said, “Ma’am, you should really take your own advice.” The girl beside him stayed silent.

Once they reached the chateau, she jumped up in the hammock first, waiting for JJ to find his usual spot of laying on top of AJ, and wrapping his arms around her waist. “I think I’m in love with you,” JJ said, in a whisper to where only she could hear. “What?” AJ quickly leaned up to look to see if he was being honest. “I said, I think I’m in love with you.”

She couldn’t even fathom the idea that he was in love with her. “JJ, I- I can’t. I need to go.” JJ didn’t fight her to stay, but he instantly regretted his choice of saying how he felt. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

AJ didn’t show up to the chateau for a few days, she had to take time to think about what her best friend had told her. She knew she reciprocated, but she was scared. She was scared that once she admitted it, things would fall apart. Or that she’d lose her favorite person. Or things would get much worse for her and she’d continue pushing him away. 

AJ hadn’t planned on returning back to the chateau until she got a call from John B, “What is it?”

“It’s JJ.”

AJ left her house at a record-breaking speed, speeding quickly to get to her boy. She had walked up to her house seeing John B and Pope on the porch. “Where is he and what happened?”

“After you left, he went back home, stealing all the alcohol from his dad, and he just now started drinking it all, he’s crossed right now, and won’t let anyone near him.”

AJ sighed, she blamed herself. She should have talked with him, before leaving, but now she had to help her broken boy. “Jay, it’s me.”

“What do you want?” she heard from the kitchen. 

“I missed you and I came to talk.”

“Oh, how rich, that you want to talk now,” the boy slurred. 

“Whatever, JJ. Just please hear me out.”

“I’m in love with you, too-”

“Then, why the fuck did you leave?”

“Because I was scared, ok?” she didn’t mean to yell, but her voice had raised,” I was scared.” JJ looked like he didn’t know how to respond. “Look, I was just scared because what if I lost you, what if you didn’t want to deal with me and all my family issues. What if, shit, I can’t lose you J.”

“Anastasia, stop.” JJ had sobered up as much as he could. 

“JJ, I didn’t mean to make it seem like I didn’t-” She was forced to look up when JJ’s hand tilted her chin to force her to look at him. She visibly gulped, which made him smirk. “Anastasia Julia Flynn, you need to stop rambling. It’s adorable, but slow down. I love you and I’m not leaving.” His lips met hers hungrily, taking the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth when she gasped. The kiss was sloppy, but it was necessary after so long. 

When the two broke apart, their foreheads stayed together. “I love you, too, Jesse James Maybank.”

“I’m really tired, can we cuddle?”

“You’re such a softy, but yeah.” JJ pulled the girl into the spare room, making his way to his closet to grab her favorite cut-off shirt, “here you go, love.” For all the times, AJ felt lost, she was glad she had a home to come back to. 

Jesse James Maybank was her home.

[saradiasz]

Pairing: Lin Manuel X Reader

Note: Hi, this is my first Fanfic here, i hope you enjoy it!

Warning: Cursing, Teenager Lin, Lin's accent in Spanish, Smut, Fluff, Lin's baby pictures.

Word Count: 5.001

1998- Summer Vacations

I can't wait to meet my new neighbors, it's pretty lonely here since Cameron that lived nextdoor had to go to live in another country with her parents, she was my best friend and maybe my only one, she said that we will still be friends but...it's different, she's going to find new ones and I'm going to be here alone as always...Fuck that, I have to focus on the new neighbors now, maybe they have a daughter...Well, nobody compares to Cam...Ok, ok I'm forgetting that for now. Anyway, my mom is baking a cake to the neighbors when they arrive, I'm so nervous and anxious for...some reason, so I go downstairs to talk to my mom and see if the cake is ready.

 — Hey mom, how it's going there?  — I said looking to the oven and seeing the chocolate cake inside.

 — Right on time honey, I'm going to take it out in 5 minutes, wanna help me with the frosting?  — She said giving me a spatula that i take with enthusiasm.

 — Sure mom.  — I smile to her and she start to pouring condensed milk slowly in the wipped cream that I was stirring.

After that she put the frosting on the fridge and take the cake of the oven and put it on the table to rest, we talk for some time about nothing important until the cake was cold enough for the frosting. Is between spread frosting on the cake and put it on a plate that we heard a knock at the door.

 — Can you see who is for me Y/N? 

 — Sure.  — I said with a bored face, it's impossible that anyone liked to host people at your door, impossible.

I open the door and I see a latin little man, or a big kid... I'm not sure yet, he is wearing a Star Wars t-shirt way too big with large, large pants that another person could fit there with him comfortably, there's a hat laying on his head too, very fancy. He just stay there starring at me with his big brown eyes and then say:

 — Hi I'm Lin son of the new neighbors, my mom is throwing a party tonight and she's inviting your family, nothing fancy just some foods and a lot of dancing, there's none dress code or those shit, we just want to have a good time with everyone and make new friends.  — He said in one breathe with a lot of hand gestures, impressive...He dresses like a kid and talk as much as one.

 — Okay.  — I said slowly.  — I'm gonna say to my mom, actually she's baking a welcome cake for your family, we can take with us tonight then.

 — That would be perfect, thank you so much. — He said gesturing with his hands again. — Bye.  — He turn around and go in the way to the next house as I close the door.

 — Okay, mom you won't belie... What are you looking at?  — She look at me with a weird smile and say:

 — He likes you honey, did you saw the look on his eyes and how he was literally throwing words at you?  — She said giving me a malicious face.

 — What are you saying, of course he don't like me, we talk for 2 minutes...Well he talked for 2 minutes I just listened. — I said rolling my eyes.

 — Well, think what you want, and about the party...we are definitely going, so find a good dress. 

 — Why mom? Let me stay home, please. — I said with fake tears in my eyes.

 — I know you, don't fake a face for me, we are going and period. — Damnit, she know me too well.

 — Ugh, okay okay.

After we both get ready, I take the cake and we go to Lin's house, i can hear music from a far, we get there and knock, a woman full of energy open the door and hug me and my mom tightly at the same time what almost caused a cake accident.

 — Wepa, I'm so happy you maded, come in, come in. — She said with a heavy accent and then pushed us into her house.

 — And we are very happy that you invited us, I baked a cake for you, take it. — My mom said giving her the cake that was in my arms.

 — Mas no precisava, you didn't need too. I'm going to place this with the rest of the food, thank you...I don't even asked your name honey, what am I thinking... — Own, like mom, like son. She said as fast as Lin did before.

 — It's Y/M/N and what's yours? If I may ask. — Okay, so I'm probably gonna be here for a while, it's always like that when my mom finds another "talkative" mom. 

 — It's Luz, and this is your hija? Uh tan hermosa... — She said giving me a look — Lin has a good taste...

 — Mama, ¿Qué estás diciendo? Excuse us ladies — A blushed Lin appears of nowhere almost screaming and then he leaves with his mother.

 — That was... — My mom start thinking in a word.

 — Freaking weird? Yeah, I know. I told you so, if you excuse me I'm going to find food.  — I go right to the place that's probably the kitchen, there's some latin people talking, probably Lin's family or something, I found a table with some snacks in the corner and go straight to them taking one bowl of... something that I don't know what it is but tastes good. I go to find somewhere safe to eat alone, what's not very complicated since they don't unpacked almost anything, I go upstairs and enter a room with some furniture, I turn the light on and then sit on the floor behind some boxes trying to hide for a while. I really didn't wanted to came here in the first place, don't get me wrong, the people aren't the problem, I am...I just don't like parties, and parties with my mom are even worse. The door opens interrupting my monologue about how much I hate parties. I see Lin talking on the phone entering the room like a thunder, closing the door and laying on the carpet.

 — Tú no entiendes, ella es la cosa más linda que yo ví en toda mi vida...obviamente no consegui hablar com ela Carlos, I'm too shy for that... — He finally realize that I'm in the room and say almost choking on the phone. — Oh fuck, yo tengo que ir bye. Hi, what're you doing here? The party isn't in my bedroom.  — He said with a...smile? Or he's dying? 

 — Your what? Oh I'm sorry I was just... scaping for my mom, I didn't realized that this was your room. — Oh fuck, of course it's his bedroom.

 — It's okay, it's nothing yet actually just a bunch of boxes and I relate with the mom thing, my mom drives me crazy sometimes too.  — He opens a beautiful smile, I never took a deep look at him but he's not that bad actually, even kinda cute with a goofy smile. 

 — Mothers hun. — We both laugh looking at the floor.

 — Did you understood what I was talking on the phone? — He asked nervous.

 — Not even a word. — He's relief came hard.

 — Oh, nice.

 — What you were saying, though? — That's really weird, he start to panic.

 — Ah, uh...porn — That's a bad liar over here my friends.

 — Sure...

 — Yeah. — Awkward silence, yummy...

 — So...

 — What's your name again? I don't think you never said to me actually.  — He said with a question mark all over his face.

 — Well, you never gave me the chance. — He start to blush because of my words and then he whisper an sorry. — It's okay Lin, and my name is Y/N at your service sir. 

 — Yeah, this name suits you. — He said now smiling. 

 — Do you want some?  — I said pointing the bowl to him. — I don't know what this is but is pretty damn good.

 — Sure. — He said taking some of the bowl and then sitting next to me, his leg touching mine. — It's tostones, basically fried plantain, it's a Puerto Rican thing, well latin thing but this one my aunt brought from Puerto Rico. — He said with his eyes glowing. 

 — You used to live there? 

 — No, actually. My parents came to here and then they meet on college so i was born here too, but I love Puerto Rico it's my happy place you know. — He said with a half smile.

 — That's so sweet Lin.  — His eyes finds mine and we stare each other for a minute, but then I look away...This boy is like...affecting me? 

 — So, did you want to get back there? It's dinner time.  — He stand up and offers me his hand.

 — We really have to? — I said forcing a sad face.

 — Of course we do, but if you get uncomfortable I promise that we can stay here okay? — His hand still waiting for mine.

 — Okay then.  — I take his hand leaving the empty bowl behind, we get out of the room still holding hands, until I see my mom, in that moment I go crazy and i walk in her direction leaving Lin.

 — Hm, very strange that you were together inside a room, did you wear protection honey? I don't want a...

 — MOM, we were just talking.  — I said interrupting her before she said something even crazier.

 — I'm just saying...Well, let's go to get dinner, this are really nice people doll you're gonna love them. — She said leading me to the backyard where a big table was full of food, hell yes, that's what I'm talking about, don't like parties who?

I sit with my mom by my right side, Lin appears and sit in front of me, after everybody was at the table we start to eat, people asking food, pouring juice, telling jokes, Lin's look finding mine between conversations, was all really nice, I even forgot why I was so worried at the first place. 

We are at home now, I'm looking at the sky from my window, there's a lot of stars and is a full moon day. The curtains of the other house in front of my window opens all of sudden, of course Lin's window is there, how I didn't noticed that? He don't seems to see me, what makes sense since my lights are off, he's shirtless and writing something on the desk that places below the window, there's a lamp on the desk and the only thing that's on at the room. He seems so relaxed, his mouth is moving fast what means he's probably singing, maybe writing music? I don't know but it's a beautiful view, wait...is this creepy? I'm feeling like a stalker right now, i try to hide but he see me for my own despair. He smile and wave his hand to me, I do the same with a Awkward smile. Crap, I'm so dumb...he take a paper and write "Hi, can't sleep either?", i write fast in a old piece of paper a big "No", he smile and write another thing and then show me "Meet me in 10?" Oh fuck, why he want to see me? he's totally going to report me to the police for harassment. I raise my thumb to him and he closes his curtains, I look at the mirror and remember that I was in my pajamas but who cares, I go downstairs slowly so my mom couldn't hear me, the door make a noise when I open it...damnit, hope she didn't hear this, I close the door and turn to Lin's house, he's standing right in front sadly with clothes now, wait, why am I disappointed? He has a little smile in his face until he reaches me.

 — I'm sorry, I wasn't stalking you I swear, please don't sue me...

 — What're you talking about?  — He said confused, crap crap crap, a thousand times crap, I fell my cheeks hot so I close my eyes so I won't be able to see his face.

 — Nice pajamas by the way... Wait, are this pineapples? — He said with a stupid smirk on his face.

 — Oh shut up, you're wearing Star Wars clothes all day and I never said a word about it. — I try to say this mad but my smile wins the battle on my face.

 — Yo, Star Wars is a classic but I never see a movie about pineapples. — Why do I didn't changed my clothes again? Right, laziness.

 — Uh, rude. — I hit his arm weakly.

 — Au. — He smile and take my hand. — Let's go, we can lay down in the garden and look at the stars and...talk.

 — Okay Yoda. — He laugh a little as we go to the background of his house. 

We lay on the ground with our bodies almost touching, the stars really look beautiful tonight... He turn his head in my direction...We both know what's going to happen but the wait make all better, I turn to him and his laches are beating slowly, the light of the stars make his face glow, he put one hand on my face and start to make little circles around my cheek and say that my eyes are more shining than the stars, his face is literally one inch far from mine. I'm the one who kisses first, his lips are soft and warm, he put his hand in my wrist and push me closer to him, his tongue is touching mine now in a sweet kiss, we end the kiss but we stay closer as possible.

 — That was unexpected. — I said breaking the silence.

 — Well, not for me. I was hoping to do that since I meet you. — He says letting small kisses on my face.

 — So my mom was right this time. — He goes a little far laughing.

 — I was that obvious?

 — I don't think so, but in the moment you walked away she said that you liked me, what I thought that was craziness until now.  — I said with one hand in his soft hair. — No that I'm saying that you like me i just... — He stop me pressing our lips together.

 — Mothers hun... — He said quoting me and then opening one of those beautiful smiles.

The sun is rising when we go back to home, I say a last goodbye to him from the window before jumping on the bed, my back are in pain but I don't care...This was one of the best days of my life, I sleep and my dreams are full of dancing and laughing. 

I wake up with a knock at my door, I look to the clock next to my bed and it's almost 12 o'clock, after a little battle against myself I get up and open the door, Lin is with a big smile in his face, the large clothes now are just a cargo shorts and a light white shirt showing his shoulders and a lot of skin, so much skin...

 — Good morning Sleepyhead. — He said still smiling.

 — How you're up after last night? And smiling... — I said outraged giving room for him get inside.

 — Actually I barely sleep, no i can't get inside. Your mother only let me in when I promised not to enter your room.

 — Of course she did, by the way what are you doing here? — I ask him. — No that I didn't liked, I do, I really do. — I said fast.

 — Really? — He's cheeks are turning red, how he can be this cute?

 — Yeah. — I get closer to him and I let a little kiss into his lips. 

 — So, I was thinking that we could go to somewhere today, I know a place in the woods that's perfect for do absolutely nothing, it's not far so we can walk a little bit and since you didn't eat breakfast, we can do a picnic and no one else goes there so we can stay together in peace. — He said showing me the basket in his hand.

 — That sounds perfect, I just have to take a shower, I see you in 30? — He nodd his head in affirmation and I kiss him more deeply this time.

 — See ya. — He said in the middle of the kiss and then goes away...God I could live in his lips forever...

I take a quick bath and go downstairs, Lin is talking to my mother, he's drinking a cup of coffee and they're... Laughing? Weird...I say a hi to my mom and we go to Lin's place. It's really a perfect place, there's a lot of trees and a little lake in the middle, we rest on a big towel under a tree for some time, we eat a lot, it's a perfect afternoon...

  — Thank you Lin, this is so nice. — My head is resting on his shoulder.

 — You know what would be nicer? — He said standing up and slowly taking his shirt off and running into the lake direction. I take my dress off and follow him with a goofy smile on my face. We jump into the almost warm water together, he start to splashing water in my face and I do it back, he came closer and kiss me, his shy hands are laying in my lower back, i surround his waist with my legs and I feel something getting harder under his belly, he stop the kiss looking at me with his big eyes, his laches are moving fast. 

 — I...it's... — He tries to talk but he doesn't have words for this.

 — Shhhh, kiss me Lin. — I whisper into his ear and he does what i ask, then i take his hand and guide him to where we were before.

 — I never done this before. — He said with his voice shaking. We lay on the towel and I kiss him, i run my hand through his wet soft hair and feel them between my fingers, meanwhile his hands is caressing my back, making little circles.

— We don't have to do it if you aren't ready yet. — He's looking at me with those big brown puppy eyes, I'm losing all control that i have. — I never done this with someone that i just meet either, but you're making me crazy without doing anything.

— I want you, i just don't know...how... — He gaze up avoiding my eyes with his cheeks all red now, did i mention how cute he's with red cheeks? 

— Hey, look at me. — I said touching his face and making he look at mine — I'll not say that i didn't do it before, but i can lead you...if you let me. — He don't say anything, just came closer and kiss me taking all the breath of my lungs.

— Okay...— He said more whispering than really talking. 

— If you want to stop anytime just say, okay? — He nodd his head in confirmation. I stay on top of him and take my bra and throw in the floor next to us, he look at my breasts with his eyes wide open then look to my face like he was asking for permission, what was really cute, i take his warm hands and put them in there and he squeeze very softly, i feel him getting even harder under me, i kiss him urgently like i never kissed someone before, he turn our positions and now he's on top of me going down to my lips and kissing my neck and collarbone, a little noise come out of my mouth when i feel his lips on my nipple pressing it softly and letting small kisses. I hear he saying all the time how soft my skin is and how sweet i taste in his mouth, our underwear go out of our body in some point.

I said that i would lead him but he's doing a great job from himself, driving me crazy with all the wait and his kisses in my body, i can feel everything, every part of our body that's touching, every drop of sweat that roll in our body. The beautiful things that came out of his mouth are like a melody, i never felt so loved when i feel him inside me, filling me whole.

— Am i hurting you baby? — He ask with the most beautiful face of concern.

— Just a little, but it's normal don't worry my love. — He nodd and then lay his forehead in mine starting to move inside me, our bodies colliding softly, his lips is barely pressing mine, he's not moving fast what make all feel even better, he's saying how gorgeous i am and i how i make him feel the luckiest guy in the whole world for let him be with me in his arms, my name come out of his mouth like a poem, we are moaning together and it's together that we come too, my eyes are out of orbit, i can't feel anything else than the goosebumps all over my body, he's head is resting in my chest and he's hugging me tight in his arms.

— You're so amazing Y/N...I'm really happy that my first time was with you. — He said softly looking deep in my eyes after we recover and lay on the ground side by side with our bodys tangled. — I never felt like this before for anyone else.

— Me neither Lin, i love how you make me feel... — I said and i feel the cold wind in my naked body what make me shiver for a moment but Lin hold me closer to his body. — I think we should put our clothes on and go back now, it's starting to get cold and the sun is going down, my mom will kill me if I get home late.

— Yeah, let's go doll. — He said throwing my clothes on me and getting up.

At home i take a shower but Lin's taste and smell are still in my body, i still can feel his arms wrapping me. I touch my lips remembering of when he was kissing me slowly, savouring my mouth. I think about check the window just to see if he's there but before I came into a conclusion my mom calls me for dinner. It's 9am when i sleep, all that i didn't slept the night before mixed with all the "exercise" from the afternoon make me sleep 10 hours uninterrupted. I get up really excited for the day, the sun is rised and it's a beautiful day, i take a quick shower and go catch some breakfast before knock at Lin's door.

— Good morning mom. — I said almost singing.

— Good Morning honey, why you're so happy? You're never like this in the morning. — She said looking at me suspiciously.

— I'm just happy mom, i can't be happy anymore? Jesus

— Of course you can, but it's strange. Let me guess, Lin is the reason of your happiness? — She ask smirking for me.

— Maybe, why? — I ask drinking my coffee 

— Nothing... i like him, he's a very good boy and he's super respectful and I think he really really likes you. 

— I really like him too mom...

— I can see, your eyes glow when you talk about him, i'm really glad that you found each other honey. — She said cupping my face.

— Me too mom, i have to go now. — I kiss her face and go out listening to her voice saying for me not to came home late. I knock at his door and his mom open for me.

— Good morning Mrs. Miranda, is Lin at home? 

— Good morning Y/N, he's in shower but come in, you can wait for him here, and don't call me that, I'm just Luz for you— She said all too happy, probably Lin told her about us.

— Okay Luz. — She guide me to the couch, i look around and everything is in place, just one or two boxes in the corner now, the decoration in very happy with a lot of color everywhere. — This is so pretty Luz.

— Thank you, i really liked how turned too. Come here let me show you a thing. — We get up and she show me trophys and some papers that belongs to Lin, there's some more things but are from a girl, maybe a sister? He didn't told me he had a sister. She takes a big album and we sit on the couch again, that's the good stuff, the blackmail material.

— This is when he born, tan precioso. — She show me a photo in white and black with a baby Lin in it, so cute. — I never thought that he would became this writing machine that never sleep properly, i blame his father they're exactly the same. — She show me a lot of another photos, in graduations, in piano recitals what apparently he was really good at, in family reunions. He appears when we're almost done, he smile when he see me but then he panic when he realize that his mom is with his kid album.

— Mami, i can't believe you're embarrassing me again. — He said hiding his face with his hands.

— I'm just showing to her como tú eras pequeño e precioso mi hijo. — She said standing up and pinching his red cheek, then she put the album where it was before and go out of the room.

— Stop laughing at me. — He said with the most adorable angry face when i start to laugh. I stand up and kiss his cheek as he touch my back and bring me close pressing his lips against mine. — What are we going to do today baby? 

— Movie? My mom's going to shop what will probably take a while so we can watch it in my house. — He smirk at me. — God, you barely discovered sex and you're already addicted? — What i said make him laugh loudly.

— I'm sorry, so...just a movie. I will just say to my mom so she won't be crazy that I'm not home — He kiss my cheek and go talk to his mom.

After we fight for 10 minutes we finally agree in watch the Ghostbusters, we both have watched it one hundred times but it's just too good. My mom finally go to work and we go to the kitchen to do popcorn and take some snacks. After that we lay on the carpet to watch the movie.

— You never told me that you had a sister. — I said playing with his hair in my finger, his head resting in my lap.

— I thought that i did, anyway she's the best, she prefer to be in our aunt's house for the summer, that's why she isn't here.

— I always wanted to have a sister, but my dad died when I was young and my mom never was the same. 

— I'm so sorry Y/N. — He said cupping my face.

— I'm okay now, was a really long time ago. — I put my hand over his. — What about your father, why i didn't meet him yet? 

— He's in New Jersey for work, he'll probably be here in the weekend, I'll make sure that he meet my girl. — He said pressing our lips quickly.

— Your girl? You didn't even asked me yet. — I said throwing a popcorn in his face.

— I have to? — He said confused.

— No, but it won't harm if you do it.

— Okay, Okay. — He said sitting in front of me and taking my hands, i can't believe he'll really do that. I burst into laughter

— I'm just kidding...

— Shh... I'm concentrating. — He put a finger in my lips and then clean his throat and start...rapping?. — I know I'm not much but my heart belongs to you, even more when I remember of that afternoon, baby I can't take you out of my mind, here holding your hands i ask you, will you be mine? 

— You just made that out of nowhere? Cool

— It's that a yes? 

— Of course it's your dummy. — I said jumping into him kissing his lips, the popcorn that was in my lap spreads to everywhere.

I never thought that I would find love in such a young age and so fast, but i couldn't imagine my life without Lin, he's the only man I loved and will always be, and the felling is mutual by what he say every morning that we wake up together, side by side, i never felt so loved in someone's arms before and i hope this felling last until the day I die. This is the end but not our end, we'll last forever.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #335

“on my forehead, a birthmark  /  remove it with the kiss of a knife  /  even if it causes me to die”

Do you recover well from surgery? Judging by the two surgeries I've had, oh yeah. I was hyper as hell when I came home from getting tubes put in my ears as a little kid, even though the doctor said I'd be very sleepy. Then, after my cyst removal, I was put on very strong painkillers but was still warned it was going to be a painful recovery, when it totally wasn't. I literally only took painkillers the first day. What addictions have you had? Caffeine, technology. Would you change your name if you became famous? Nah. If Cupid were real, would you hire him to make someone love you? No. I don't want somebody forced to love me. Ever been to an auction? No. Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy”) It kinda varies with gender. Women I tend to call "beautiful" or "gorgeous," sometimes "hot" or "cute," while men I usually refer to as "handsome" or "hot"/"sexy." The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you? She's a bit younger. When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? Hm. I dunno. I have a hard time saying "no," so. When was the last time you had Pop Tarts? What flavour were they? Many months ago; I kinda stopped eating them because they're truly not filling and just a load of sugar that veils itself as an actual breakfast choice. But anyway, I liked the chocolate sundae ones. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Did you ever play Spyro? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! SPYRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those games were my CHILDHOOD, and it's half the reason I'm dying for a PS4 to play the remastered trilogy. Speaking of which, it'd be awesome if they remade the The Legend of Spyro trilogy as well. I might just like those games more than the originals, but that's a bold statement I'm unsure about. Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? I dated a Hispanic guy for less than a day. Have you ever read any of your idols’ books/autobiographies? Ozzy Osbourne's, yes. I'm just fucking waiting for Mark to write one, but he's always said he has so little interest in writing about his life. DO IT, YOU FUCK. Do you own any succulents? No. I think they're pretty, though. Do you have a drone? No. What’s your favorite Netflix series? *shrug* What is something a lot of people like but you don’t? Summertime. The heat, the humidity (at least here), the sunburn from just standing outside for ten minutes... I hate all of it. The ONLY two things I enjoy about summer is swimming and then flowers, though spring is the more floral season here anyway. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? They've... happened. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Pretty sure forever. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Once upon a time, that was the plan. Now, nah. I'd just want to be in a healthy, stable, and long-term relationship. What do you think about divorce? It's sad, but necessary for some people in order to be happy, which everyone has the right to be. I used to be very firmly against divorce except in extreme cases like abuse, etc., and I'm still definitely no fan of it and think couples should do their best to work things out, but it's incredibly unfair to believe that someone should be stuck for the rest of their life with a person they just don't love anymore. Getting married can be a mistake; don't damn people forever to be chained to their bad decisions. Do you remember the first time your heart broke? What was the reason? It was probably when Dad just abandoned us. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? I don't think anyone's ever pulled a sick joke on me. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes; my little sister deadass tried to walk outside late at night. Thank God I was on the computer in the living room and stopped her. What song are you listening to right now? I just turned "Mutter" by Rammstein on. When is the last time you cursed? I'm not re-reading, but I have probably cursed fifty times in this survey already. It's so deeply ingrained into my vocabulary. Are there any words on your shirt? No; it's just a plain gray tank top. Why do you forward forwards? I never do because they annoy the fuck out of me. How many people are you interested in at the moment? Just one in a healthy and logical way. I can't be truly interested in Jason because like come on I haven't spoken to him in four whole years. My PTSD just ensures I never forget the memory of who he was, who probably no longer even exists. I mean, look how much I'VE changed in four years. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nnnnope. Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Apart from family, I have no idea. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Venus never does, but Roman can get on my nerves sometimes when I don't let him lay on me when I'm on the laptop in bed. He's a large cat (not overweight, just a big male cat) and blocks the screen big time unless he lies down properly, which he doesn't always do. He still tends to win when he tries to come over, but sometimes I'll block him with my arm, and this spoiled brat will actually slap it a few times before walking away lmao. Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Absolutely a pool. I want one badly. Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Especially lately, I don't get nearly enough. Like at the time I'm answering this question, it's 4 AM, and I've been up for almost a couple hours. I struggle with falling asleep, I will ALWAYS wake up at least once in the night, and I jerk awake from nightmares regularly still. It's a big reason why I pretty much require naps. Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We only have an attic. Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? No. I'm way too timid of a driver to get that outwardly pissy about stupid people. I'd just judge them in silence, haha. What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? Because of just how common they are, I'm going to assume this excludes birds, in which case it was probably a squirrel? Yeah, the normal brown ones are common. Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Since I was fucking stupid enough to post a suicide note on Facebook (I don't want to hear a goddamn thing about "attention seeking," I genuinely wanted to say goodbye), I almost never, ever, share things about my personal life. Even before, it was rare for me to actually share what's going on with me. All I really do now is share relatable, wholesome, or funny shit I find, as well as political things I'm in firm agreement with. What are some habits you have in common with your parents? I pace like my dad, and it drives people crazy because it apparently makes them anxious? I can't think of an obvious one I have with Mom, but I'm sure one exists. Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? I feel safest and most clean in a pool, but c'mon, swimming in the ocean is so much fun. When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? It depends on the book, it seems. Especially if someone else owns it, like in school or something. Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? My legs always hurt. I've shared enough as to why; it wasn't an actual, singular "incident." What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? OH MY FUCKING GOD. So in group therapy the other day, one of the girls had her bearded dragon out, and he was being aggressive. I think he tried to bite her aND SHE SAID WITHOUT REALIZING HER MIC WAS ON, "fucking dickhead," and everyone d i e d. She's a really cool chick, I'll miss her when I'm finished with PHP. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, surprisingly enough. I barely ever sing. Do you bite your lips a lot? Yes, especially when they're dry. .-. What part of your body would you never get pierced? Anyone who gets a piercing "down there" has a greater pain tolerance than this bitch right here. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? Juan had quite a few. I don't remember if Tyler did... but I think maybe a The Legend of Zelda-related one? Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? No; I love dogs. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Man, idk, I'm a little bitch when it comes to emotional movies. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is high up there, as is of course Johnny Got His Gun. Old Yeller, too. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Sara's gonna write a fuckin book series ok you can't convince me otherwise. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? Damn dude, what an ungrateful question. I'm just appreciative someone even thought TO give me something. Do you shave your arms? My armpits, yes, but not my arms themselves. How many people have you dated? I only count three as even remotely serious: Jason, Sara, and Girt. Have you ever performed in a play? I remember back in Sunday school as a tiny kid I played Mother Mary in one we did in class. Do you chew gum? I have been more lately since my doc upped the dosage of one of my mood stabilizers (which I think is actually helping); I mention that because apparently a side effect is dry mouth, and it's the fucking Sahara in there. He advises those who deal with it to always carry around hard candy or something like that for the sake of forcing salivation, so gum works for me. How old were you when you first started dating? I was in the 7th grade when I had my first "boyfriend," but it was total puppydog love. I started dating my first "real" bf when I was just shy of 16. Are/were your parents strict? Dad, no. Mom, only to a degree that I feel was pretty reasonable. She only ever wanted to prepare us to be functional, independent adults. Didn't work so well on me though, ha... Do you wear glasses? Yes. God, I need new ones. I'm blind as hell. What do you miss most about your childhood? Being so outgoing and happy to just be weird lil me. Do you write “To-Do” lists? Not really, no, but I do have notes on my phone about a couple things, like a bulleted list of planned monetary investments by importance, as well as a list of drawing ideas. Do you have a favorite quote? What is it? I don't, really. There's loads I like, but no one favorite. Could you survive as a vegetarian? I pretty desperately want to, but I don't know if it's realistic. I am so, SO picky, and without meat, it's very questionable as to where I'd get an adequate source of protein. I still want to try again though once I'm at my goal weight. Has anyone ever asked you for your autograph? Lol no. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah, but that was a looong time ago when I was actually some semblance of pretty. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? I used to be someone who firmly stood by nighttime showers, but now I'm all about them in the morning. It's a nice way to wake up and start the day with productivity. Could you handle living with a male roommate? I mean, I lived with my then-boyfriend once, but I'm going to assume you'd consider him more than a "roommate." We lived with our two other friends, though, also a couple, and I was totally fine with living with them. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes. Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is very scary, but all the movies I've seen bits of have always been super cheesy. Which do you prefer, Naruto or One Piece? I haven't seen either and really aren't interested. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I've never really watched his movies, but I'm a fan of his music. What’s you fetish? I don't have one. Have you ever been in the “friend zone?" Well, what I'd call a "fake" one with Jason after the breakup until I was blocked on Facebook. I know now he absolutely did not want to be friends; he was trying to appease me. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? Definitely conservative. Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Yeah, me. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm certain Mom was, but idk about Dad. I think so. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. What was the last thing that you recorded? I think Mom and I singing "happy birthday" to my late dog Teddy; we knew it would be his last. Do you like the show Futurama? Not really. Have you ever been in a choir class? I was in the elementary school chorus, as well as the choir at my childhood church. Are you ashamed of any of your family members? No, only myself. Were you a chubby child? No. Did you ever have senior photos done? No, even though I wanted them. Who is the person you dislike the most? God, this is so petty... but it's the girl Jason dated after me. I know it's childish as hell to feel like she "took" him from me, and I just feel this horrible hatred towards her that is entirely uncalled for. I just can't get myself to move past it. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, as I'm unemployed and also don't have disability, so I literally can't. How do you usually celebrate New Years? I really don't do much. Sometimes Mom will grab a pack of daiquiris, but that's pretty much the extent of it. Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? N/A What was the last job interview you went to? At a local grocery store to work in the deli. Got the job, lasted there for not even two hours. :^) Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Autism and mood disorders, yes. I myself may have high-functioning Asperger's (yes, I know that term doesn't technically exist anymore, it's just the umbrella term of "autism," but w/e). Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, and it's pretty much guaranteed that, unless there's some sudden accident, my mom will die of cancer, too. Hers got too bad to entirely eliminate every trace of cancer cells, so it will inevitably re-emerge at some point, just obviously some place else given that she had a total hysterectomy. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? Office. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? I enjoy all of those, but sour I think tops the list.

[cate-geo]

Camp Pining Gays

(This has nothing to do with camp, or Steven Universe, or Camp Pining Hearts...but it does have something to do with gays who are pining so GOOD ENOUGH)

(Romantic Moxiety College AU with background Logince, and Platonic Prinxiety, Royality, Analogical, and Logicality.)

(Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of food, some suggestive teasing. Tell me if there’s any more.)

(Tags: @ab-artist, @vigilantprotector)

Words: 3,634 (oof, I don’t usually write that much)

Virgil ran his fingers lightly down Patton’s cheek, getting the softest smile in return before he started leaning in. Was this really about to happen?

“Mr. Storm!” Virgil snapped back into reality. Damn it.

“Yeah, Prof.”

“Honestly if you’re going to listen to music during my lecture you could at least pretend to hide it. Instead of wearing obvious headphones.”

Virgil rolled his eyes “Why bother with the stress of trying not to get caught? It’s just easier to tell the truth.”

“Please, just try to pay attention.”

Virgil nodded and completely zoned out the professor the second they weren’t giving him any attention. He fucking knew he shouldn’t have gone to class today. No, wait. He had to turn in the essay. Fuck, why couldn’t he just do that electronically?

The rest of the class was so grueling. He wanted so badly to put his headphones back on, but the idea of being called out again made him want to vomit. God he just wanted to go back to bed, but leaving early would just bring attention to him. At least it was his last class of the day.

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The second the Professor started saying “Alright, I think that’s all for today.” Virgil was out the door in a flash. All earlier hopes of studying in the library were crushed by his need to hide under his blankets. He tried to convince himself that he would study in his room, but he was most likely just gonna pass out.

He walked into his apartment to find his roommate. It wasn’t that he hated Roman, but he really wanted to be alone right now. Luckily Roman seemed to notice.

“Hey bud. Tough day?”

“Yep.” Virgil plopped his bag down and kicked off his shoes before climbing into bed.

“Gonna take a nap?”

“Yep.”

“Don’t worry. I was just about to head out. Gotta rehearse with Patton.”

Virgil immediately shot up “What?” He cleared his throat “Who?” Was he fantasizing again? 

“Patton. He’s in my drama class this semester. Sweet kid.”

“He works at the library, right?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Roman stopped, and Virgil dreaded the gleam growing in his eyes “You know him?”

“I’ve seen him around.”

Roman leaned in close, trying to read Virgil, who was trying to be as unreadable as possible. “Do you like him?” “I don’t just get a crush on every cute guy I see like you do.”

“It doesn’t have to be every cute guy. Just one cute guy.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and hid his head under the covers “I’m napping.”

“Alright alright. I’ll do you a favor and try to get his sexual orientation.”

“Whatever.” Virgil sighed in relief when the door finally opened and closed.

Then he shot up.

“Wait no! Don’t fucking do that!” Roman was not subtle at all. God, Virgil was so glad he wasn’t actually gonna be present for that conversation. Although his imagination wasn’t much better. He groaned and shut his eyes tight. Trying to let sleep overtake him.

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Virgil didn’t really remember falling asleep, but he must have since he was waking up now and it was dark outside. He looked around and noticed Roman wasn’t back yet. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. He should probably make dinner.

He pondered whether or not he should make Roman some food too. Maybe he could poison it for the stunt Roman was trying to pull. Before he could decide though, he heard the door open.

“Heeeeey Virgil~”

“Hey Roman. How was rehea-”

Roman had the hugest shit-eating grin on his face, and coming in behind him was Patton.

Yep. Virgil was definitely gonna poison Roman’s food.

Virgil didn’t know if he should yell at Roman or try to make a good impression. Although, it wasn’t as if he was capable of speech at the moment.

“Hi. Sorry to intrude. Roman said he just needed to grab something real quick. Then we’ll head out.”

“Yeah. We were gonna get something to eat. Wanna join us?” Roman was still grinning.

God Virgil wished he had the idea to make dinner 60 seconds earlier. Then he would have an excuse. “I uh...don’t want to interrupt any rehearsing.”

“Oh, it would be good to have a test audience” Roman wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulder, his eyes telling him that he wasn’t getting out of this one, so he should just tag along.

“Yeah. It could really help to have a fresh set of eyes. You should come.”

Patton was asking Virgil to dinner. Ok so...it wasn’t exactly how he imagined it. But he was too lovestruck to stop himself from saying yes.

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Despite the fear in Virgil’s chest, the dinner wasn’t so bad. The skit they were doing was cute. And it definitely helped with payback giving Roman so much constructive criticism.

Although Roman retaliated quickly. “Oh wow. Sorry. Cute guy alert. Gotta get his number. Be back in a jiff.”

Virgil tried to say ‘Don’t you fucking dare leave me’ with his eyes, but Roman was already gone.

“Wow. I could never ask for a random guy’s number.”

“Yeah. That’s Roman. Extra in absolutely everything he does.” Virgil stared at his drink “Uh...so you work at the library, right?”

“Uh-huh. I’ve seen you around.”

Virgil felt his heart beat faster. Patton noticed him. “Yeah well, it’s a good place to study.” God, why was this so awkward?

“Mhm.” Patton must be finding it awkward too “Roman mentioned you two have Disney movie nights on Saturdays. That must be so much fun.”

“Uh...yeah. When he doesn’t have a date. Which is actually pretty often despite the amount of guys he hits on. Do you want to join us this weekend?” shitshitshit. Did that just come out of his mouth? Shit.

“Wait really?”

“Sorry. That sounds creepy. You hardly know me-us...and I’m inviting you to our apartment at night and-”

“No that sounds nice actually. I just don’t want to intrude on you two.”

“It’s no intrusion. It’s mostly just Roman singing along. It’d be nice to mix things up a bit.” Mix things up a bit? Mixing things up a bit made Virgil panic. So did inviting a cute boy to his place. What the fuck did Roman do to him?

Speak of the devil, Roman sat back down with them, slapping down a piece of paper with numbers scrawled on it “Boom. That’s how you do it.”

Virgil looked down at his lap “Uh...is it cool if Patton joins us for Disney night?” He wasn’t looking at him, but he could feel Roman’s eyes get bigger

“Of course. The more the merrier. We can make it a pajama party.”

“That sounds like so much fun!” Patton had the biggest smile.

Virgil nodded, ready to die.

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Virgil wasn’t going to get super dressed up. It was a pajama party after all, not like he could wear a suit or makeup. Well, any more makeup than his usual eye shadow. But....he didn’t want to smell bad or anything.

“Virge that is the fifth time you’ve brushed your teeth. Are you planning on kissing him?”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, well I’m your wingman, whether you like it or not.”

“Well you suck at it. You never did find out his orientation.”

“Oh. He’s pan.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He has a pan pin on his backpack, I thought you saw it, with how much you stare at him.”

“I don’t stare at him!”

“Yeah, ok”

“I just zone out. It’s a thousand-yard stare. It’s not about who I’m looking at. It just happens.”

“So you can fantasize about him.”

“I am going to stab you with your own sword.”

“So this is a really bad time to tell you I have a date with the guy from the restaurant tonight and I’ll be joining you two later, huh?”

Virgil just noticed how gussied up Roman was. “What? You’re gonna leave me alone with him in the apartment.”

“Hey, you’re the one who invited him here.”

“Roman, please. I beg of you. It was so awkward when you left us.”

“You’ll be watching movies. You don’t have to make small talk. And it couldn’t have been that awkward. You literally asked him on a date.”

Virgil groaned but couldn’t say anything else because there was a knock on the door. Roman placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “It’ll be fine. Don’t stress out too much. Patton is a sweet little puffball. He’ll understand if you’re a bit anxious.”

Virgil sighed and went into his room as Roman answered the door. Part of him wanted to lock himself in there forever, but he couldn’t just leave Patton all alone. So he grabbed his blanket and some pillows before walking into the living room and freezing.

Footie pajamas.

Cat footie pajamas.

Fuck he’s adorable.

It kinda made Virgil feel dull just wearing a plain black t-shirt, plain black sweatpants, and his usual hoodie. His hoodie wasn’t exactly dull, but he always wore it so the shock factor was gone.

“Hey, Virgil! Roman just told me he’s gotta head out. It’s a bit of a shame. But we’ll have fun together.”

“Uh yeah. Romeo here can’t turn off his charm for one night.”

“It’s a gift and a curse. I’ll be back late, so have fun you two. As much fun as you want.” Roman winked at Virgil and immediately got a pillow to the face.

“Ugh you’re just as bad as your brother.”

Roman clutched his chest in mock hurt before wiggling his fingers goodbye and walking out the door.

Virgil picked up the pillow he tossed and dropped everything in front of the tv. “Go ahead and choose the first movie. You want popcorn?”

“Yes please.”

Virgil stared at the microwave as the popcorn popped. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Sure he was so close to vomiting, but...it could actually be nice.

He poured the popcorn into the biggest bowl he could find and walked back to find Patton had picked Winnie the Pooh. “Heh. Cute.”

“Hm?”

“Nothing.” He placed the bowl in-between them and hit play.

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It was actually a really nice time. Although Virgil put a ton of attention into not accidentally grazing Patton’s fingers in the popcorn bowl. He wanted to. But he knew if he did he would immediately die, and that might dampen the mood a bit. So Virgil was honestly relieved when the popcorn was gone.

Except his relief was short-lived, because Patton had moved the bowl out of the way and now there was nothing in-between them and they were under the same blanket and worrying about finger grazes was a lot less stressful than worrying about cuddling up to each other.

Besides that, it was nice.

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After a few movies, Virgil noticed Patton’s head bobbing and his eyes drooping. He really was the cutest thing in the world, wasn’t he?

He was trying not to stare, but he probably should have because the next thing he knew, Patton had fallen asleep. On. His. LAP! And Virgil was pretty sure his heart had stopped beating.

What was the normal person response? He didn’t want to wake Patton by moving him. So he tried to play it cool and slowly ran his fingers through his hair. It was so soft. God, why was everything about him so soft?

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A few hours later he heard the door open.

“Awwwww.”

“Shut it.” Virgil hissed.

Patton rubbed his eyes “Oh hey Roman. You’re back. How was your date?”

“Magical~ How was your…” Virgil glared at him “Night.”

“Pretty chill. I guess I kinda passed out. Sorry for falling asleep on you Virgil.”

“Nah it’s fine.”

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The three of them were able to watch a movie and get into about a third of another one before Roman and Patton fell asleep.

Virgil felt his eyes getting heavy so he turned off the tv and curled up in the blanket before drifting off.

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Virgil opened his eyes to a face full of hair. He didn’t remember cuddling up to Patton, but he must have.

He smiled and pulled Patton closer, nuzzling his nose into the back of his neck, hearing giggles coming from Patton.

“Morning Virgil.”

“Mmmm. Morning Pat.” He started pressing soft kisses on Patton’s shoulder blade, relishing in how he could see his blush reach the tips of his ears.

And then he woke up for real.

Virgil looked around. Patton wasn’t anywhere near. He wasn’t even on the ground anymore. This made Virgill sit up with a start. Where was he? Was he hurt? Did he get kidnapped? Did he-

The smell of eggs and bacon coming from the kitchen and the sound of two voices chatting calmed him down. He found his phone and saw it was just after 10. He wasn’t usually up this early on the weekends. Unless he stayed up this late.

Virgil stretched and got up, heading towards the kitchen.

“Oh! Good morning Virgil. I’m almost done making breakfast.”

“Isn’t he great Virge? Real husband material if you ask me.” Roman grinned knowing he deserved the punch in the arm.

“You two should take a seat. It’ll be done any second now.”

Roman obliged, but Virgil stayed. Staring at Patton cooking, he imagined wrapping his arms around his waist and leaning his chin on his shoulder. 

Patton turned around “Oh kiddo. Did you need something?”

“I can...uh...help.”

“Aw. Thank you. Here. This is yours and this is Roman’s.” Patton handed him two plates before turning back to the stove.

Virgil nodded and brought out the plates to a grinning Roman “What?”

“Just a nice save is all”

“Maybe be snarky after I’m not holding your food.”

“Ok ok ok.” Roman grabbed his plate “Still a nice save.”

Virgil growled and sat down.

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A few months had passed. Patton and Roman had kept pairing up for scenes, and Roman kept insisting to Virgil it was because they had become friends and had nothing at all to do with the fact that he was the ultimate wingman.

Roman’s date started hanging around more and more. Virgil learned his name was Logan, and he had started to really like his presence.

Virgil liked Roman and he was in love with Patton, but...they were really easily excitable and rambunctious. And when Virgil got overloaded, it was nice to find Logan in a different room just quietly reading a book. It was calming. To hang out with someone without needing to do anything. Allowed to listen to his headphones and just...be.

Logan was also a giant nerd, which comes in real handy with finals just around the corner.

Virgil also couldn’t help but notice how happy he made Roman. He had noticed that Roman’s flirty eyes had turned to more loving with stars in them every time he looked at Logan. It was really nice to see his friend in love and happy. He also finally had some retaliation to every single time Roman teased him about his crush on Patton. Although it didn’t hit as hard because Roman wasn’t keeping any of his feelings a secret.

Speaking of which, Virgil was still too nervous to ask Patton out. Still would fantasize about him. And still felt this weird feeling in his stomach whenever they hung out. Besides all that, the two of them had actually become close friends. Patton would always greet him with a hug, and Virgil wasn’t always the hugging type, but Patton was soft and warm and felt safe and always smells like vanilla, so he was the one exception.

Many nights the two of them had stayed up late talking. Virgil started to trust him, and tell him about all of his anxieties. Except for the ones that involved his crush of course. And the night that Patton told him that he usually bottles up his feelings and tries so hard to be happy even when he isn’t, Virgil almost felt honored with how much Patton trusted him back. It was also really nice to pull Patton into his lap and let him cry in his chest.Virgil hated himself for liking this when Pattion was so upset. But they were so close...it was nice. Despite the topic.

Then one night, Patton told Virgil that he had a crush on somebody and Virgil felt his heart crack into two pieces.

He knew he should have made a move sooner.

“That’s great Pat.”

“Yeah. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to ask them out.”

“Uh...Roman’s usually better at the whole love advice thing. You should ask him.”

“I did, but I’m pretty sure this person wouldn’t want the big romantic extravaganza Roman suggested. I also don’t have the money to rent a hot air balloon.” Vigil snorted “I wanna keep it simple. Like how would you want to be asked out?”

There was no way Patton could have known, but that hurt just as much as finding out about his crush. Having to tell Patton all the fantasies Virgil has had about him, without being able to make them come true. “Uh...I guess I just want to be asked to hang out. Well, not just hang out. Knowing my anxieties, I wouldn’t know if it was a romantic or a platonic thing. I would want you...or well...one...to actually say the words “as a romantic date”. No room for confusion, you know?”

“Got it. Just straight to the point. Thanks, Virgil!”

“Yeah, no problem.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------There was no way Virgil could sleep that night. He looked at Patton laying on his chest and despite how much it stung that he liked somebody else, this wasn’t so bad. Patton was his best friend. He was a great best friend. Crushes come and go. Maybe one day he would stop fantasizing about kissing him and he would be perfectly happy with the relationship they had.

Maybe.

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“Hey Virge, you haven’t talked all day. Something bugging you?” Roman leaned against Virgil and got shoved off.

“I’m fine.”

“Come on, you can tell me.”

“You already know.”

“What do I already know?”

“About Patton’s…” Nope, he was not about to cry “About Patton’s crush”

Roman gasped “He told you?” Why did he sound so excited?

“Yeah. He told me about his crush and wanted more chill advice than what you gave him and I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Roman blinked “What?”

“Don’t play dumb. It’s fine. Patton’s a good friend. I’ll get over him. Eventually.”

Roman sighed deeply and muttered something under his breath.

“What?”

“Nothing. Nothing. Don’t worry. I promise I’ll fix this.”

“No. Don’t interfere. He has his own feelings and emotions and is his own person. He likes someone else. It’s not his fault I’m too much of a coward to ask him out.”

“Virge-”

“It’s fine. I have class.”

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Virgil came back from class to see Patton in his apartment talking with Roman. This wasn’t all that surprising, but it still stung. And the fact Patton didn’t hug him was worrisome.

“Ah. You’re home.” Roman crossed his arms “Go on”

“What are you talking about?”

“Heh. I think he means me kiddo…”

“Huh”

“Well...I didn’t really want to put you on the spot with Roman’s suggestion, and when I asked Logan for advice, he told me I should get some information from the source. So I wanted to gather information and then ask you when the time was right. But your advice was literally to be direct, and this was completely not that. But I panicked and didn’t know how you felt. Roman was just telling me how I should have just confessed then and there and that I was making your anxiety worse…and I’m really sorry.”

“What?”

“Oh...uh...my crush is...you Virgil.”

Dreaming. He was dreaming. Daydreaming? Fantasizing? In a coma?

“Ah. Fucking finally!” Roman shouted “Do you know how stressful it’s been keeping both of your secrets for this long?”

Holy shit. This was reality.

“You like me?”

“Yeah.”

“Months of just watching you two together but not together.” Roman collapsed on the couch “It was probably more emotionally draining for me than for the two of you combined.”

“I like you too.”

“Eeee” Patton pounced onto Virgil and hugged him tightly.

Virgil staggered a bit but was able to keep them both up, holding Patton tight.

“Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss”

“Roman, can you shut the fuck up for 5 seconds of your life?”

“Come on you know you want to.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and landed them on Patton “Uh...is it...o...k?”

“Mhm. Very much so.”

Virgil ran his fingers lightly down Patton’s cheek, getting the softest smile in return before he started leaning in. Was this really about to happen?

Holy shit. This time it really did happen.

“Aw. You guys are adorable.”

Virgil flipped Roman off “I’m not adorable”

“Yeah ok, buddy” Roman suddenly gasped making Virgil jump “We should have a double date!”

Patton squealed “YES!” He dragged Virgil over to the couch and he and Roman started prattling on about where they would go.

Usually, Virgil would leave when the two got this excited, but he was kind of excited too. In his own chill and calmer way. Besides, he had a boyfriend now. And it was really nice to finally wrap an arm around his shoulder and kiss him on the cheek while he was talking instead of just fantasizing about it.

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Later that night, Patton was sleeping on Virgil’s chest, and Virgil was too excited to sleep. He leaned down and kissed the top of Patton’s head and heard a giggle.

“You aren’t sleeping.”

“I can’t. Too happy.”

Virgil hid his blush, despite it being dark.

“Yeah...me too.”

[cherry-slushie-cosplay-blog]

Freshman Year Quotes

Ok so I did a list of all the stupid shit I heard in my Freshman year of high school. Enjoy.

(T) - Teacher (AP) - Freshman Assistant Principal

FRESHMAN YEAR ----

"Any weeb brethren, see me after class I want to be friends." *class is totally silent* "*loudly* I have a seven inch penis." "I'm a farmer bitch I will throw my crops at you." "You can teach tiny cil- chilr- chilud- chiluden, wait what?" "I'm telling Jesus!" "Jesus already knows." "(T) Use your 5 sols! Haha, get it? Like soul?" "Bold of you to assume I have any at all." "HE CALLED ME THE N-WORD, HE CALLED- oh shit you're a girl my bad I'm just messing around trying to get someone in trouble. Have a nice weekend!" "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...FUCK!" "How do you make an equilateral square?" "I think my back has scoliosis." "I've got a bag of chicken." "Why do you have a bag of chicken?" "Because. Why do you have a bottle with mangos on it?" "This- this is mango-flavored tea!" "AND THIS IS CHICKEN-FLAVORED BAG" "...and some condoms have spermicide which kills off the sperm. Don't ask me how I know all that, Mrs. ********." "Are you from Russian?" "Sit your ADHD-filled ass down." "If we were in hell, do you really think I would be here?" "(T) Yes." (T) "Is stupid written on your forehead?" "I don't know, is it written on yours?" "His forehead's big enough for it." "That looks like an orgy pile over there." "Why do you guys always sit behind me?" "If we want to kill you, you won't see it coming." "Is this what Julius Caesar felt like?" "You're so tiny! You look like a doll!" "And you look like a cock-riding motherfucker." " Technically, time is a construct." "Technically, none of this matters and we're all gonna die soon." "Will you two shut up please?" (T) "My 2019 has been completed, I made a student cry." (This was January 10th btw) (T) "As long as you do your best and turn that in, you'll be fine." "What if my best sucks and I get a bad grade?" "Ok that was good I'm gonna give you that." "I'm gonna put on black lipstick and go to sleep." *Aggressively singing Dream Daddy For Me* "What's that?" "A grapefruit." "Bitch that ain't a grape." "No, grapeFRUIT." "It looks like you put Kool Aid in an orange." "Dude it's called a grapefruit." "No, fuck you and your Kool Aid orange." "I ate a mouse dongle." "Why the fuck would you do that?" "I don't know, I just did." "Racism is my bitch. I bend racism over and take it from behind." "A function is an input and a function...oh wait hold on I messed up- stop laughing at me I got this." "James Charles did one of Bob Ross's tutorials on his forehead." "So he has a big forehead-" "Shut the hell up ***** no one cares." "The answer was D! D as in 'Dinosaur chicken nuggets'!" (T) "What are the first ten amendments?" "I know the ten COMMANDments." "No one cares, we're not in Christian school." "YES WE ARE HAIL MARY" (T) "Do your work or the Lord may strike you." *this was at the religious girl from the previous quote* "What time is it?" "It's fuckin uhhhhh noon o 5." "Noon o 5?" "I forgot the word twelve." "I SEE HEADLIGHTS" "Hm?" "Headlights is nipples." "If this is a test I'm gonna throw myself out the window. I was about to go to the hospital this weekend and I'm still gonna make it happen." "I won't T-Pose for dominance but I will screech and make your eardrums bleed." "Does anyone remember Llamas With Hats?" 4 people: "caAAARRLLLLL" "Pagans terrify me." "Why?" "Every pagan I know of is a furry." "sKeDaDdLe SkAdOoDlE yOuR dIcK iS nOw A nOoDlE" "NO NOT IN MATH CLASS" "Doodlebops." "shUT THE FUCK UP" "I watched that yesterday, I have it on DVD." "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE DOODLEBOPS ON DVD" (T) *random Chewbacca noise* "My brain is smaller than my dick." "If you feel stupid, you should." "What about King Solomon?" (T) "What has Solomon ever done for America?" "What have YOU ever done for America?" "Nothing should be in your mouth unless it's a banana." "What type of banana?" "A yellow one, duh." *laughter* "Or a green one, whichever you like more." (T) "For the people who I'm signing these for: are you going to the farm-" "YES WE FINNA BE COWBOYS" (T) "What y'all playing over there?" "Chess." (T) "I hope you lose." (T) "If you're stupid, it's your fault." (T) "Let's go guys!" "hoLD ON I'M SAVING MY POKEMON GAME" "There's people taking pictures down there - should I pour Monster on them?" "When you gave me my pencil I was like 'I like Zoe, she's nice' in my brain and then my brain somehow connected that to 'You tryna smash?' and another part of my brain said 'No, stop, she'd cut your dick off'." "That's the strangest intrusive thought I've ever heard from a friend." "How many of y'all think I'm gay?" *about 6 people raise their hands* "Ok then." "May I please go to the bathroom?" (T) "You just have to get out of here at any chance you get, don't you?" "I'm serious, I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" "I have lotion." "Fuck you." (T) "OH MY GOD SHE HAS TAP SHOES CAN YOU DANCE???" "...no" (T) "YOU STILL LOOK GOOD" *watching Sorcerer's Stone* "Who's at the window?" *ta-da it's Malfoy* "Oh it's a blonde-headed lesbian." "Shit fuck goddammit bitch pussy fucking Jesus Christ." "I have ibuprofen, you know." "Nah, I'm good." "I'm a lil loli short and flat~ My head is for pat- wait fuck what was it" "Hello~ my fuCKING HIP OW" "Are you ok?" "I popped my hip...Hello, my name is Elder Price~" (T) "Here, it's legal to marry your 2nd cousin twice removed." "I'm doing it." (T) "******** no-" "Fuck (insert name of school district), man. On my mom." "I wanna fucking die I hate this class." "No. I look like Jesus, I'm telling you no. Therefore, Jesus says no and you're not allowed to die." (T) "How else could we have solved this?" "With a calculator." "Did Diego steal his money from Dora?" (T) "I don't know, moving on." "All y'all talking about how your souls are dark black, mine is baby blue. It's brighter than your hair." "uwu my stomach hurts" "I'm serious I'm not on my phone." (T) "Oh really?" "I swear to GOD she wasn't!" (T) "Oooooohhh" "Holy shit Zoe you're gonna send **** to hell." "You were staring at me for like 20 seconds before calling on me!" (T) "No, my glass eye was staring at you. My real eye was over there seeing that stuff, and over here I didn't see sHIT." "I heard there's G-Spots in your ass, why don't you shove it up there and have some fun." "How about no?" "Suit yourself." "I don't like raw fish — it makes me sad." "100 senators!! Come ON, Sen - a - tors!" "Shut up go stick your head in a dick." "I want that Mormon Milk." "I'm begging you to stop talking." "I'm salivating for that salvation." "Shut the fuck up."

BONUS: SCHOOL'S POWER OUT

"My god that sun is brighter than Kirishima's smile." "Zoe is turning into Trina." "I'm breaking down~" "Come over here anyone who wants to take 'Golden-Hour Mental Breakdown' selfies and/or get Pocky." "Anyone who refuses to let their anxious child come home will be personally smacked by me with Zoe's copy of 'Half-Blood Prince'."

NORMAL SCHOOL

"Stab me in the ovary or whatever you said." "CORRODED ARTERY YOU ARE MALE" "Same difference." "Perfect boy lookin-ass- no homo." "What the fuck" "People think that Sherlock Holmes isn't real because he was written in a book. God was too but you don't see people denying HE exists, do you?" "Ok do a burpee." *burps loudly* "No a- you're a fucking idiot." "Heyyyyy Zoe, can we- holy shit is that Pornhub?" "How do you make a baby crawl in a circle?" "I don't fucking know." "Ok...do you know how to make one stop?" "When did you get here!?" "Couple minutes ago." "???" "I'm quiet and people generally don't notice I'm here." "...do you need a hug?" (T) "What'd you do this weekend?" "Some sewing." (T) "What'd you sew?" "Robes…" (T) "For what?" "*increasingly embarrassed* A costume." "From what?" "*very red by now* Harry Potter…" "Which character?" "*wanting to crawl into a hole* Draco Malfoy…" "*polite clapping from entire class*" (T) "He's on the road to alcoholism." "I'm doing a 21-Day challenge of not talking, if I do - punch me." (T) "Oooohhh this is gonna be fun." *knock at door* (T) "*presses face against door window* What's the password?" "bitCH GIVE ME BACK MY CAPRI-SUN" "It's not Capri-S-" "IT'S BOOTLEG CAPRI-SUN GIVE IT BACK" "Holy shit you turned the Jesus-freak gay." "What happens if you don't deletus the fetus?" "Then the abortion isn't completus." (T) Can you see where I'm going?" "To hell." "Oh look, a wasp." "KILL THAT SHIT" "Oh man I can't hear my eardrums." "How the fuck would you hear your eardrums?" "That's the POINT." "I like a p p l e s ~I like 'em big and juicy-" (T) "NO." "Everyone raise your hand if you want Mr. **** out of the room." *80% raises their hands* (T) "Even you?" "What do you mean 'even me'!?!?" "******? ******!!" "What?" "If I ask you a question will you be a douche?" "Probably." "Understandable." "What the hell am I reading?" "Words." "Mr. **** do you like donkey ducks?" (T) "I'm not even going to answer you." "I'm scared of homophobes." "Homophobophobia." "If gay is a slur does that mean that African American is a slur?" "Who has my mcfreaking phone? WHOMST HAS MY PHONE" (T) "Ooh free charger! *wraps cord around neck like a scarf*" "Whee whee mone me jam apple laff-yeti" "If someone is being homophobic, give them dyslexia." "Troom Troom life hack: if someone is harassing you — eat them." "Troom Troom banana hack: if someone is harassing you — shove a banana up their ass." (T) "Take that hat off." "I'm a gangsta." "I'm never gonna use this shit. Do you think I'm gonna go to McDonald's and say something like, I don't know, 'Oh riddle me dubious'? NO." "I'm gonna meticulate you until you get dyslexia." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "I'm gonna meticulate your rectum." "Please stop." (T) "See that girl? She likes bad boys." (T) "Ask her, she has tape." "What the hell has made you think I have tape?!?" "I don't care if you have 106% in this class, you can kiss my fat ass!" "No, PICasso." "I like Costco-" "No." "Holy shit *points at red train in movie watched in class* it's the Hogwarts Express." "Stop it." "Choo choo bitch we goin' to magic school." (T) "Guys Mr. ***** is in here, quick make it look like you're doing math." "3 + 7 = 9!!!" "Are you serious?" "MOVE IT, MUNCHKINS!" *shoves us apart and runs off* "Excuse-moi, I'm gonna beat her ass." "Oh my god someone's weave is on the floor." "Only at (insert school name here)." "THERE'S MORE THEY THREW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW" "*handing out books* Take this dick, *throws book on student's desk next to me* and here you go. *places book gently on my desk*" "waIT TAKE THAT BACK I WANT A 'HERE YOU GO' WTF" (T) "-and so the corn salsa would be 20...thaaaat's not one of the answers oh no." "You fucking whore, happy birthday." (T) "How do you know you are college and career ready?" "Because Jesus loves me." "Last time I shit my pants was in middle school." "rePEAT THAT?" "I'm gonna show up tomorrow with AIDS." "Did you just say you'd show up with AIDS?" "Yeah." "Why??" "Cause HE put his spit on me." "I'm borrowing your chair. To sleep." "I'm straight as a line." "Oh? *makes loop-de-loops in the air* You mean THIS line?" (T) "I will decimate you. I will wipe your name from the earth." "Is the government making us take this test?" (T) "No, the district is making us take it." "Well the district can suck my ass." *calling every white person in a certain scene of Ernest Green a toothpick* "Is it just me or does ******** seem like he'd end up having a job at Chuck and Dale's?" "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE I WANNA WATCH MERLIN" (T) "You boys don't know how to chop down a tree, do you? You wouldn't be able to do that." "Yes I would, I do it in Minecraft all the time!" (T) "Ok, remember to put your name on your paper." "No. I have no name. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemordita." "Stop it." "Shut up, both y'all gay, always smackin' each other's asses in class." (T) "Easy, Luigi, we're not watching a movie." (This was a sub for Civics class and he had just walked in 2 minutes prior. The student's name was not Luigi) "Hold on I'm gonna be Oprah: YOU GET A CALCULATOR, YOU GET A CALCULATOR!" "Y'know ***** still needs one." "F R I C K" *girl walks into a desk* "There's a desk there ****." "I KNOW fuck OFF" "I feel like we need to warn her about everything when she walks." "Watch out for life, ****." "Can we do it on paper?" (T) "No, this is not Burger King." *leaving the room* "Remember, cocaine is not your friend. I'll kick your ass." (T) "Wow! It's Good Friday, and you're talking about your baptism and stuff like that, and you said 'oh my fricking god'? For shame." (T) "I'm on a lot of drugs and alcohol right now and I can't feel anything." "Oh my GOD USE A YARDSTICK" "No." "MR. ******** I'M GONNA HURT HER" "Gonna stab her with the yardstick?" "I need bail money." "I need money PERIOD." "DRAW. A STRAIGHT.  L I N E." "NO, FUCK YOU" "You know you're gay when it takes you 3 tries to draw a straight line." "DON'T TAKE MY JOKE" "You definitely know you're gay if it still isn't straight after 3 tries." (T) "What would you do if someone came into your neighborhood?" "Who's neighborhood? Mr. Rodger's?" "I have 15 pets." "I have 13 siblings, does that count?" "No but it does mean that your parents need to learn how to use a fucking condom." "Hi my name is J. Michael Tater Tot welcome to the Dairy Dome." "Dyslexia? I thought you said...cannibalistic tendencies." "What?" "I couldn't think of anything that rhymed." "You need to flex seal your anus closed." "If you don't fucking shut up I will shave off your eyebrows using my toenail as a razor you cunt." "Sippy Cup looks depressed." "Sippy Cup, you going through some shit?" "Hit or Miss, I guess they never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend-" "Yep." "I bet he doesn't kiss ya!" "Haha nope." "Ew I look like Casper." (T) "...and we're going to write a paragraph." "Oh you're FUNNY." "I think I'm switch. Like, I'm good with being sub, but I'd like to dominate my bitch too. Like F.B.I get on the ground open your legs." "Ms. ******* that's really bright-" (T) "YOU'RE bright." Video: *talking about how important this song is to them* (T) "I don't care stop talking." "I peed on the desk again." "Key word: AGAIN???" "You should send ****** and I to get them." "That is a HORRIBLE idea." "What do you mean it's a horrible idea? You don't know me!" "What do you mean 'I don't know you?' We have gone to school together for almost 4 years." (T) "Look, I know you're obsessed with me, GET TO WORK." "He's harassing me." "You harassed me first. It's not harassment if you do it in self-defense." "You can have the benefit of my middle finger." "It's the progression of the climb of the rocket." (T) "Oh my GOOODDDD JUST SAY IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING" "Fine. The speed." (T) "ExACTLY." "Oh look a firetruck's outside." "Whee whoo whee whoo- oh my god you're serious. Oh god it's (crappy fire department) jesus christ." "I think we need to potty train our classmates again." "AGAIN???" "Well, yeah. They're supposed to be." "'Supposed to' and 'are' are two different things." "Mr. **** can I put mascara on you?" (T) "No." "Whyyyyy?" (T) "Do I look like a Barbie doll?" (T) "Mascara girl is the one who's talking." "You act like I don't have a name!!!" "Do you?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It makes your eyelashes look nicer." "Yeah; easy, breezy, beautiful: Covergirl. Get with the program." "James Charles is QUAKING." "Sister shook." "Give me my paper." "Bitch I'm gluing my fingers together, I didn't fucking take it." "Do you have a charger?" "No, but I have a notebook full of English notes." "I don't have any round characters, all of mine are gay and sad."

BONUS 2: BIRTHDAY

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you for your birthday all I have is Reese's and duct tape." "Wait it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-" "NO STOP SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT" "Thank you." "You're welcome." (T) "Pay attention my dudes." *collective groaning from entire class* "*asking for tampons*" (T) "*holding a marker* I can throw another red one at you." "I don't get it. *sudden realization*" (T) "***** pick your jaw up off the floor, I was joking." "I'm tired of the word 'domain'." "Oh yeahhhh me too, cause we hear it a lot in physics now." "Domain, domain, domain; I hate it." "I'm in a domain of hating myself." "I'm joking, I love you." "I'm not joking, but I love you too anyways." "**** don't lose your Crocs again." (T) "Get that earbud out of your ear." "No, this is keeping me sane." "Why is my name 'desire'??? I put it as 'pee pee poo poo'!"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I've finally done a fraction! I flipped it over, turned it around, smacked its ass and had it call me daddy." "PARDON???" "What?" (in Physics talking about electricity) "Ok positive top, negative bottom-" "ME?" "He said you can't learn if you burn but you do learn. You learn fire is hot. Also the sensation of being burned alive as you are consumed by flames." "*shows Thanos smut* Spoilers for Endgame that no one asked for." "Legend has it that if you work at the Dairy Dome, you get free tickets to Domegame." Have a marvelous Monday, a Terrific Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday, a...Thesis Thursday. I couldn't think of anything." "You look like a frog." (T) "And you look like a squid." "Someone today said I looked like a drug dealer magician. Would you like *sweeps off hat* MARIJUANA??? Or...*pretends to pull something out of hat* COKE??? Perhaps some *flourishes* *whispers* acid???" "I'm gonna Detroit Smash him to hell." "LGBT, let's get this bread." "My hero academia as in Aizawa can shove my ass up his head- wait hold on" "*talking about Ariel* She's hot but that doesn't excuse the fact that she put her entire species in jeopardy for some dick." (T) "Does anyone not have medicine in their bag that ******* cannot have while I look down at the floor because I dropped my pen?" (T) "*reaches for paper*" "Ah ah **** no swipin'." *in science class* "Nothing's happening but I saw that bitch SPARK and I'm terrified." "I'm basically teacher today, your assignment is to do nothing. YOU get an A." "SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER I'LL EAT YOUR ANUS THEY DON'T CALL ME RECTUMUS PRIME FOR NOTHING" "EXCUSE ME" "What was the word again?" "David Hasselhoff?" "What, no???" "This is why you shouldn't scratch yourself, here." "*instantly shoves necklace in mouth*" "I wouldn't use that as a chew fidget, I got it off the ground in Louisiana." "*chews even more aggressively*" (T) "Don't mess with me I will throw something at you, I played softball for 14 years." "Really???" (T) "Yeah. I was the captain biatch." "James Charles looks like the dragon from Shrek." "***'s touching my wenis." "Gay fantasies don't really matter." "Yeah, I mean, did you see the way that Tony and Cap looked at each other in Endgame?" "When he was, a young boy, his father, took him to the dark lord, to kill the principalofawizardachool" "He said son when, you grow up, will you b-" "HE SAID WILL YOU, GETSHANKEDINABATHROOM-" "Watch out: I have peanut butter and a knife!" (T) "All you need is at least a 60% to pass the test-" "BOI I GET 40S AND 30S IN YOUR CLASS AND YOU KNOW IT" (T) "So you used to go to (other school name)?" "Yeah. But people growling and barking at me was a little much." (T) "Were they furries?" "Dude, tornadoes in Kansas are no joke." "But you go to Oz." "THERE AIN'T NO YELLOW BRICK ROAD AFTER A TORNADO" "Uh, yeah! Yellow brick road to HEAVEN." "Toto isn't god” "You awakened something you didn't want to awaken." "Is it god??? Is it Totoro? Remember to pay your taxes or Hong Kong will come eat you." "Today's weather is cloudy with a chance of rectal prolapse." (T) "Who's at the door?" "It's ***." (T) "Who's ***?" "***. Your student." (T) "*opens door* Who are you?" "I'm nobody." "Who is commander in chief of the military? My  p e n i s" "Are those grandma shoes??? Can I  e a t  them???" "She sounds like a fetus screaming for extra guac at Chik-Fil-A." "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN" "*singing the Boku No Pico theme off-key in a loli voice*" "I will hit you." "I'd feel bad for you but you have a 69% and that causes you to get a D and I can't look that over." "Do you ever wonder where babies come from? Cause I don't. All you have to do is pee into a lady's Digornio." "rePEAT THAT??" "Don't forget to degrade your dog." "Imagine a world: where you have 2 fetuses hanging from your eyebrow."

BONUS 3: GIANT, END-OF-THE-YEAR CIVICS TEST

"Why the fuck is Christmas a national holiday???" (T) "Ok, the president during WWII was...Roose-" "-A PARKS" (T) "Are you even paying attention?" (T) "What happened on September 11th, 2001?" "9/11!" (T) "We're gonna need you to be a little more specific, buddy." (T) "What's a state that borders Canada?" "I deadass was about to say Arizona, I need sleep." "WHAT is your name?" "*****." "WHAT is your quest?" "To clap the best pussy out there." "*through laughter* What is your favorite color?" "The color of the next pussy I'm gonna crunch." "I got a Voltage from the ROTC room, and I dropped it and someone said 'OOH', picked it up and yeeted with it." "WHAT THE FUCK I'D SHIT ON THEIR HOUSE" "Can we play a song after our presentation?" (T) "As long as it's not like 20 minutes like an Allman Brothers song." "Huh?" (T) "You know how when you have an acid trip, people tell you to listen to the Allman Brothers?" "..." (T) "I'm old." (T) "If this eye starts drooping, there was something in the brownie." (T) "*teaching us Piccolo Mini*" "You just made me feel dyslexic." "YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THE TEA??? I'M THE REAL HOE" *applause from class* "BITCH WE BEEN KNEW" "*unintelligible*" (T) "What?" "*still unintelligible*" (T) "I still didn't hear you." "You talk like your handwriting." "I WILL THROW THIS CROC AT YOU" "I will literally pay a dollar for one." "I will literally eat these." "Petunia is not a phone." "Electronic device, then." "She's not an electronic device, I gave birth to her." (T) "**** that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "My dingaling is messed up." "Mine too." (T) "Ok so say you wanted aides-" "I DON'T WANT AIDS WHAT THE HELL" (T) "IN THE CLASSROOM. CLASSROOM AIDES. HELPERS. "Can we talk while doing this?" (T) "No, this isn't Burger King." "What is your obsession with Burger King????" "HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S PUTTING THE WHITE NECTAR ON THE RAMEN SINK" "Have you ever seen a 14 year old looking badass?" "Have you ever seen a beaver chomping down on a carrot? Cause I wanna see that." "I don't wanna go to Papa Louie's Arcade, Papa Louie can pop a cap in your ass." "Micheal does a Thanos Snap in season 14." "Cas, I don't feel so good." "NO" "Your Crocs are in sport mode." "My cock is hard." "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID" "It's ok lil diglett I'm gonna evolve you." (T) "Stop it." "I'm gonna evolve you it's fine, you're weak but you're gonna get better. *throws stress ball at teacher*" (T) "******* looks like Ted Bundy" (T) "He's falling asleep. Hey, ****, are you sad you can't have an abortion?" "What???" (T) "If you don't like high school relationships, who's that guy you keep making out with in the hallway?" "*pointing at random places on the map in the civics classroom, threatening to deport each other to random places*" "You're jiggling my titties." "*half the class is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies*" "I love you!" "Shut it, I'm doing a presentation." "I love you!!" "Stop." "I love you!!!" "God damnit, *******, I'm gonna hit you." (T) "If you drop any f-bombs during the presentation, I'm gonna kill you." "Bottom, take the apple." "I'm not black, I'm O.J." "Balls. That was the word." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'BALLS' FROM 'THE BUCKS ARE WINNING THE FINALS'??" "Who's this? Tom? No I don't wanna streak with you. Stranger danger." "Why is it called Field Day if it's only 2 periods?" (AP) "I- That's actually a good question." "ALRIGHT THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO-" "*gets literally kissing distance from him* *salutes* Yes sir?" "We're playing cornhole." "Stop laughing, how is cornhole inappropriate?" "Mr. **** this is the type of yardstick that could take your kneecaps. Do you want me to take yours?" (T) "I'd like to see you try." "Is that Ratatouille?" "Ratatouille isn't the rat. That's Remy, you insolent fuck." "I'm gonna call you the 'G' word." "What's the 'G' word?" "Jew." "That's…porny." "...send it to me." "Where you going?" "To hell." "WHY" "*shrugs* Seems fun." "You see, this is why I need to work with you. I'm your insurance."

BONUS 4: FIELD DAY

(T) "Are you part 1 or part 2?" "Uh…" (T) "Top line or bottom line?" "Bottom- no, top- uhhhhh…" "He looks like a top." "I still don't understand why we fucking dropped Bohemian Rhapsody for a song from fucking  T W I L I G H T." (T) "*throws a marker at the Assistant Principal*" *various cheers and "OHHHHHH"s from the class* (AP) "Are you actually serious." Not a quote but in the 2nd to last week of school, we spent almost the entirety of 4th period Algebra (including the teacher — he started it) throwing dry-erase markers at each other and didn't even stop when the AP (seen above) came in. (T) "*walks through the middle of the room*" "FIRE" *8 people pelt markers at him* "Wait you guys realize he's gonna throw all of those back, right?" "I have a D I'm hanging on the edge my dudes." "I did a math? I did a math!!!" "You did meth?" "YES!!!" "*gets head shoved out of window* OW! FUCK, ****** MY TIT" "You exude strong Kenny energy." "Why?" "Cause you die a lot? Cause your heart was replaced with a baked potato? Cause your family's poor?" "*laughing so hard we can't breathe*" "*leaves the cafeteria to calm down from laughing too hard*" "I'm having elementary school flashbacks." "Shut your social justice warrior ass up." "You ok?" "I stabbed myself." "Sorry, only girls get it. Also, this is my last customer today." "Hold on, if it's only girls, why does HE get it?" "Hi." "OH SHIT YOU'RE A GIRL MY BAD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

“Did I just witness a drug deal?” "Why do you look like a dad?" "I need some weed in my system again, I'm fucking drained." "There's a fucking big-ass run in my tights — I'm gonna eat my own ass and then some." "Hi I'm ***** and Mr. **** can suck my 13 inch dong. My Long John Silver." "This ignorant pickle of a person can die." "This cashew of a long dong. Cashews look like telephones." "A shirt says Mr. **** can suck my magnum horse, my stallion." "His mom should've fucking swallowed." "Spit his ass in a Dixie cup." "I will tattoo my eyes shut." "I'm talking about this mongoose man that's called Mr. ****." "Can you speak some Spanish?" "Hola, como estas, sugma." "Sugma?" "Suck my fuckin' balls lmao" "It's your sugar daddy. *shows picture of Andrew Jackson*" "It's Mr. **** as a woman." "That's fucking Christopher Columbus." "*howling laughter*" "I was just thinking 'have it stop raining so that I don't have to walk in it', but then I remembered I have work today so it should keep pouring. The more the sky cries, the less I cry. Unless I'm on drive." "Excuse me sir, *raises leg* my penis has fallen off." "I pray you get AIDS." (T) "Please throw away your sheet music, it's illegal to copy sheet music and I don't wanna go to jail." "*loud smack* I am so sorry, I didn't mean it to be that loud! Come here baby boy, let me give you the sweet taste of my mother milk." "It's not mother anymore, it's daddy now." "Dude what if you were born with a set of words that if said, would implode your testicles." "Bomb go boom, Mormons go extinct." "MR. **** YOU TOOK OUR NOODS" "DON'T TAKE THE NOODS" "NOT THE NOODS!!!" "****, I thought you were Catholic." "The pencil's black." "Like my ass-cheeks." "Someone stole it!!!!" "Like ****'s virginity."

BONUS 5: WATCHING INSIDIOUS (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON)

*kid falls off ladder* *various banshee screeches from students* "They're kissing AGAIN. This movie is NOT appropriate." "I'm hearding weeeesssst~ I don't know what to dooooo~ " That's not how you make a superpowered baby. You kill the mother and put her on the ceiling." "Wait, pause. What the hell?" "F.B.I, open up." "IT'S DALTON." "PUT A CHAIR ON THE DAMN DOOR" "HOW WOULD A CHAIR WORK AGAINST THE DEMON" "He's in a deep sleep. Wake him up with true love's kiss." "It's a pedo-demon! Everyone run!" "He's cheating on her." "What if this was linked to Supernatural?" "Ooh she's echoing now." "My legs are shaking bruh." "Is that blood on the window?" "No, it's a tree." "SMACK THE CHILD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I figured out why I'm so quiet today." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, *shows trembling hands* I'm on vibrate." "I can't wait to go to church."

BONUS 6: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

"The first thing I ate when I came to this country, it was in the airport and it was Doritos." (T) "They gave me the shortest teachers' gown they had. I have a baby gown." "That isn't a happy little bush." "IT'S. TREE." "Hello ladies, *winks* *blows kiss*" "I'm GAY." *I Will Survive playing really loudly* "******* you're not in our friend group so get the FUCK OUT." "Now I can swear! FUCK Y'ALL BITCHES I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR KNEECAPS" "Oh shit it's an end of the year fight!" Four kids got into a fight at the same time and one got tazed."

[honeysweetpsii-blog]

[LOG] A Father Son Chat

Mituna | Deuce

ft. @gotahatfullofbomb

Mituna

>> Mituna takes a deep breath while waiting for his dad. Knowing the meeting was about to end he stops tidying up and rubs his eyes, the use of his psiioniics making them itch. He spins around in his wheelchair and opens the door to peak out, nervous. The conversation he planned to have was a heavy to light, always end with the nicest thing, right? >> With a anxious churr he wheels back into his room and starts biting the knuckle of his pointer finger while he waited for his father. Wouldn't be too much longer now. >> He pushes up his glasses and rubs at his face again, he had much more confidence with this earlier.

Deuce

Deuce was already tired with all this drama and honestly was hoping for some more , but he couldn't just go sleep all day again, at least not when it comes to his kids so he drags himself to Mituna's room to have yet another talk. >knock on the door. "tuna? can i come in ?"

Mituna

Mituna looks up at the door and doesn't answer for a little bit before he goes up to the door and opens it, smiling slightly. "Yeah, come on in." He pushes the wheelchair back, getting out of Deuce's way. "You can sit on my bed, if you want I mean.. heh. Get all comfy after that meeting and what ever happened yesterday." Get your maximum comfort on. He slides a pillow off of the bed for himself. This is a feelings jam.

Deuce

Oh bless this lovely child because he doesn't want anything other right now than to  jump on the bed and be a potato . "Thank you" So he does exactly that hmm comfy comfy good choice of fluffy pillows my son. "Hmmm i like this talk already , more talks should involve pillows like this"

Mituna

Mituna laughs and nods, "Hell yeah, nothing is better than pillows and chatting. Like a teen sleepover, who's the girl you like dude?" He sighs and watches CD snuggle in and get all comfortable. "There's multiple subjects I'd like to uh, cover before reaching the bomb part. If that's alright?"

Deuce

"OH BOY!" He acts surprised and start playing with his hair . "I think Boxcars is the coolest guy at school i want to ask him out to prom". He laughs and rolls in bed to a chinhands position to look at Mituna. "DID YOU SAY BOMB? you got my undivided attention boy, SPEAK"

Mituna

He snickers and grins, okay this is going way better than expected. Lets do this. "Well to start, I wanted to talk to you about Sollux's migraine. I let him sleep in here last night but he collapsed out side my room from the pain. I fell before that though, I think I was trying to get up and go to his room because I thought he was drunk but I guess it was the pain instead?" Mituna leans back in the wheelchair and hugs the pillow to his chest. "I thought it was cause his psiioniics but he isn't going overboard with them so.. I don't know if he is stressing about something but I can't figure it out."

Deuce

Oh no back to worrying again?. The bombs got him excited for a nice talk but looks like it's just kill your dad of worry week. "It was that bad? why didn't you call me Tuna?..." he sinks into the pillow "  I guess i will have to talk to him later hu?..."

Mituna

He swears it's gonna end good. Heavy things first because suspense. "I don't know, didn't think to? I was worried and my brain can't function that much shit at one time. I looked after him all night, he slept well. Said he was proud of me, kinda cried about that. I would of called you and the hospital if it got to bad for me to handle.... Yeah I think you should. I don't know if he genuinely doesn't know why he has this migraine or if he's keeping it from me."

Deuce

"Let's hope it's nothing bad" sigh "Thank you for taking care of him, i'm also proud of you. He used to be the one taking care of you when you got episodes and now tables have turned"

Mituna

"You're gonna make me cry again, I'm just trying to look out for peeps. Bee a good bee for once." He nods and rubs at the side of his neck, "So.. last thing to ask about before the bomb part of this conversation." He shoves his face into the pillow and sighs. "What is that Psiioniic dude like, I know he's my brother or something like that but I don't remember him. I think I seen him when I was a kid? But I don't know him. I think I made him upset last night because he wanted to come into my room last night as well but that made me uneasy and I said no in a really vague and probably rude way but.. I don't.. Mm." Heavy bee frowns. "Can you fill me in on what he's like so I can talk to him easier?"

Deuce

CD pulls the pillows under his chin and thinks for a moment. "He is your ancestor...i guess you could call him father instead of brother? it's...weird i mean i adopted him as my son long time ago when i found him. Though instead on the street the fucker landed on my armory on the desert and almost blow up everything with his psiionics" He laughs "He pulled a brave move of escaping a battleship he was being held in as a slave but had to fall face first on the ground...as always. It's ok if you don't remember him much, you were too small anyway, but he helped me out with you and your bother." He taps his chin while thinking. "What he is like?....he is very funny, very cheerful most of the time you know , memes and all that. He cares a lot for the people he love, a really good man."

Mituna

"Hm.. Definitely got the wrong impression of him then with that fight thing I heard about. I was nervous he was gonna start something, make Sollux mad, I mean... Gamzee is Sol's matesprite after all, so what I heard from Sol wasn't really good. I'm glad I got two sides before my mind decided to be judgey. I'll have to talk with him about things, get to know him again. I'm glad he helped you with us but.. You will always be my dad Deuce. Not him, not anyone else. You and Sol are the ones that were there for me through everything. Especially you when Sol left so.. You are my family, I love you dad." Mituna smiles wide and leans forward to pap his dad's shoulder.

Deuce

He appreciates the dad part a lot. Above all that has happened he started thinking what if the kids now decide they rather call him dad?... It lifts a bit of weight off his shoulders. “What happened yesterday was...dumb. Psii was way out of line. Hopefully after the talk we had today it won’t happen again. At least not the way it went down yesterday...Just please don’t judge his entire persona based on one stupid decision he made, he is better than this”

Mituna

"I won't, I won't. I know I can do dumb shit too, that's why I wanted to ask you about him. I mean, who better to ask than you." He leans forward and whispers, "I could ask him about himself but we bee's are full of crisis so I didn't want to spark nothing bad in his head." With a snicker Mituna leans back and hugs his pillow tight again. "Honestly this is passing faster and better than I thought it would. Are you sure you are ready for the bomb part?"

Deuce

"Mituna Captor being careful? more likely than you think!. I can't believe you are being the responsible one around this days" he jokes and hugs his pillow excited to the mention of bombs again. "YEAH i'm always ready like a damn bomb scout"

Mituna

Mituna grins wide, scoots forward and grasps his dads hands. After a long pause he laughs, ears flicking. "I've thought about this for a while, and super thought about it after those anons called Psii my dad." Another pause, "I'd like for you to officially adopt me, name change and all. I want to legally bee your son, beecause I am." He rubs at his eyes an laughs again. "You are the one who raised me, you're the only one that will ever bee my father."

Deuce

"Oh tuna don't make a grown ass man cry like this" he says as he start to tear up "We can make all the paperwork tomorrow!". He rubs his eyes and get off bed to hug his bee son. "I'm so happy!"

Mituna

Mituna hugs Deuce tightly, burying his face in his dad's shoulder. "I'm so happy too Dad. I can't wait to get started an shit. I love you, Dad. I love you so much." He hugs him tighter, not wanting to let go at all.

Deuce

"I love you too my little bee." very happy dersite noises "I can't wait either , we gotta go early tomorrow so try to not sleep too late tonight ok?"

[altruistic-meme]

alright my dudes, this post is going to go deep. in it, I'm going to talk about some rather triggering content. under the cut I'm going to tell you about my personal experiences with the mental illnesses I have and just basically try and give you an understanding as to why I sometimes act the way I do. so if you care to read, and reading won't in any way negatively affect you, then click that read more. if not, feel free to scroll on, no hard feelings. sometimes you aren't feeling up to reading dark shit and I can respect that, I get that way too. now, with minimal further preamble, the undercut and what lies beneath...

(potentially triggering content includes: discussion of depression and anxiety and  mentions of self-harm and suicide.)

well hello there, and welcome to the undercut. I'm about to take you on a journey through the messed up part of my mind. I'm gonna try and keep this short and to the point mostly.

A QUICK THING; it's probably going to be very incoherent, and if you are confused about something or would like more information about something, do feel free to visit my inbox or messages and ask! a lot of people are very uncomfortable talking about this stuff and lbr, I kinda am too, but I'm making an effort to speak up more about it, and to reach out a hand to those who need it, as I never really had one put forth for me. so do not be shy to ask about anything, that's what this post is about, hm?

let's just jump right into this, shall we?

HERE WE GO; I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER AND MILD-SEVERE DEPRESSION.

neither of which are fun, lemme tell ya. (and I am totally in awe of people who have either or BOTH and are out there, working and being an adult in general like damn. u strong. go u.)

a disclaimer before I continue: this post is about MY PERSONAL experiences with these illnesses. this is NOT a post about the general symptoms of these illnesses. if you relate to anything I say in this post, I'm v v sorry that you are going through this, bc it's hell, not gonna lie. anywho, I had better see 0 bullshit about "oh, you don't have x bc you don't do/feel blah blah blah" not everyone goes through the same stuff, dipshit.

moving on.

symptoms yayyyy;

Anxiety: -I am extremely socially anxious. -this means going up to the counter to ask for a take-out container for leftover food at a restaurant? u m no. -talking to strangers? no. -it is also really hard for me to talk to little kids or older folks. -and then there is also; feeling anxious (wow) -having 209745 worst-case scenario's go through my head. -trying to sleep and instead having my brain interrupt and tell me "hey ya know what's cool? thinking about how you could mess up x" -actually that happens a lot. -a general thought process for me; "am i good enough? do I look okay? do I act like an idiot? am I charming or stupid? am I cool or a know-it-all? I talk about myself too much. what else can I talk about? them, talk about them. but that doesn't work either. I don't know what to say." -not fun. -and that is just what came immediately to mind. there are lots and lots of different variations. -don't even get me started on how doing my school makes me feel. -and a metric fuckton of second-guessing. -no panic attacks yet but I have felt like I was close to having one often.

Depression: -just. suicidal thoughts. let that sink in a minute. -also thoughts of self-harm. -like there are days where looking at a knife will make me want to cut and I have to hold knives on a daily basis pretty much so not fun. -can we see that self-deprecation?? yeah we can. -constantly wondering if my family loves me. -don't even get me started on my friends. -hiding in my room bc it's literally the only place where I feel kinda safe from myself -except for when I remember that I have scissors in here. -enjoying things I used to love whom?? -times where I have to take a minute to psych myself up for little tasks like carrying my dishes to the sink. -i n s o m n i a. all over. -some days I lose all will to eat, or just my appetite as a whole. -motivation?? don't know her. lack of motivation is the only one here.

ah, yeah, let's stop there for now.

another interrupty thingy!!: bc I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume at least some of my friends will read this, there are two things to assure you of; YES I know you love me but depressions goggles make it hard to remember that sometimes. and PLEASE don't freak out over the first 3 items on the depression symptom list I'm fine. I will explain in just a sec.

okie? okie.

so now ya know! not fun! kinda terrifying actually!

"oh, well, Ac, why don't you just try sleeping more? or going outside more? or drinking water? or eating regularly? doing yoga?"

all very good suggestions. yes, they CAN help improve mood, but at the point I am at, they aren't going to help much.

and for the sleep part, lemme tell you, I KNOW FULL WELL that I should sleep more. but guess what? I can't. like, I can. not. sleep. I want to sleep. I enjoy sleeping, I enjoy being fully awake during the day and I enjoy not feeling and looking like a fucking zombie. but you know what? Anxiety and Depression by themselves usually make it harder for people to sleep. combined? I'm fucked. sometimes, yes, I get a regular amount of sleep. but also sometimes I don't. I'm not yet sure what it is that triggers me into either cycle, but they can last from two months to four days.

and OK. I get that you have your ways of making yourself sleep. but you don't understand. I have had to sit through the same speech from my mother about "just picture a blank wall" 6. TIMES. your methods are yours, and while I'm very glad they work for you, it is highly unlikely they will work for me.

okay now, if you got worried when you saw the first 3 symptoms under Depression: I really do appreciate your concern, and I am touched that you care. I'm not going to say it's ok bc of course it's not, it's very not ok, but it is something that I am and have been working on. the first time most of these thoughts hit and hit hard was November 2017, and immediately after I calmed down from them I decided that I had to talk to my mum about going to therapy.

this started a kinda long process including telling my gf, my friend, and my sister before telling my mum. and then of course when I did tell her in December we weren't able to actually try and setup an appointment until January due to being out of insurance. and ofc after that we find out that the recommendation I had gotten the previous year for anxiety was expired and this resulted in me having to go back to the doctor, then to the ER bc that was the only way to get their on-hand therapist to come that day, and then I had to spend 2 hours there bc they were v v concerned and I was almost admitted for a few days bc of my thoughts.

and yeah, it was a mess.

but I do now have a therapist who I've been seeing for a few weeks, and we have a safety plan in place, and he was v v impressed with my knowledge on coping mechanisms and just my symptoms as a general.

random story: when I was maybe 14 I had already self-diagnosed that I had some sort of Anxiety disorder, and I mentioned it out loud in front of my two sisters and one, who had had panic attacks that had sent her to the ER before, was like ah, yeah. and the other one, who as far as I know STILL doesn't have an anxiety disorder let alone had one back then, said basically "no you don't. god. like, I believe that you have anxiety bc everyone does but you don't have REALY anxiety" which is, ya know, why she didn't know why I was going to therapy until my mum told her several weeks in (and even then idk if she evens knows the full reason, but she hasn't asked me so fuck that)

anyway, i'mma try and wrap this up now!

tl;dr, basically; I have Anxiety and Depression. I have had suicidal thoughts (in the past and recently) but I am working to get rid of them, and until such a time occurs, I do have a plan for if they show up that will result in me being protected and safe. I have coping mechanisms and I use them whenever I feel like I need to, and sometimes when I don't simply bc I enjoy them. I'm currently in once a week therapy with someone who let's me talk and laughs with me when I crack a joke and listens to my stances on issues. I know that you have your methods for things, and I'm very glad they work for you, but do NOT try and force them on me.

I hope you now understand a little bit more about me and why I sometimes react to things the way I do.

have a great day, month, year, life.

~Ac

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Getting Married”

Getting married with The Joker would include:

– He is nervous as hell, but wouldn’t admit even if it kills him. Sometimes at night, J has second thoughts but then he looks at you sleeping and takes a deep breath, thinking: “Shit, I guess I’m doing this.”

– You have fights about the color of your wedding dress: The Joker wants to see you in white, but you would prefer purple, one of his favorite colors. You break up and call off the weeding for about…4 hours, before starting to speak to each other again because now you have to fight about the color of his tuxedo. You want him to wear the classic black and J wants to wear green.

You call off the wedding again for about…5 hours before bumping into each other in the living room. He growls and you pout, telling him to come to bed because it’s late. J follows you to the bedroom muttering and complaining until he falls asleep.

–But you can’t doze off. You are so anxious about the upcoming event that you have second thoughts. But then you watch him dream and scoot over, forgetting you are mad at him. You snuggle to his chest and he squeezes you tight in his arms, kissing your forehead. I guess J wasn’t really asleep, he was just waiting to see if you would make the move before he does.

– The King of Gotham buys you all these little wedding gifts he hides all over the place for you to find. When you discover something you don’t remember you had before, he doesn’t admit to it since he doesn’t want you to think he cares too much:

“Of course you had that diamond necklace, I saw you wear it on our last date.”

“Are you kidding me? That dress has been in there for ages.”

“Ummm, those earrings have been in your jewelry box for at least 5 years.” (But, you know… you’ve been together for 2 years…)

“Come on, now, those stilettos have been in that box for at least a year.”

“Seriously, you don’t remember this car?!”

–So smooth, you smile to yourself, aware of what your future husband is doing but pretend not to have a clue and play along. It’s more fun this way.

– J wants to invite Batsy to the weeding. You believe it’s a great idea so tonight you blew up Gotham Bank and sprayed a nice graffiti on the only wall still standing: “ Come to the wedding” with the Batsy logo under. “P.S.  No people were hurt in the making of this wedding invitation. You’re welcome.” Of course he saw it but there is no address, no date, no nothing. “Lunatics,” Bruce Wayne thinks, “how am I supposed to know what’s going on if there’s no info?!”

– You are afraid he will get bored with you after getting married. What if it doesn’t work and it all goes down in flames? What are you going to do without your green haired nightmare? The Joker notices you are stressed out and it only makes him even more nervous: I mean, what if he doesn’t work out and you get bored with him afterwards? What if ends up badly and you leave him? What is he going to do without his pain in the ass?

– One day, J finds you crying your eyes out on the balcony and you finally tell him why. Well, thank God because he didn’t want to bring that up, but what a relief to find out you share the same concern.

“Of course I’m going to divorce you in a couple of years: you’ll be too old for my standards,” he teases, spanking your butt.

“You’re already too old for my standards but I plan to stay married,” you whimper, blowing your nose in a tissue so loud it makes him cringe.

“Ewww, that’s it, the weeding is off!” and instead of laughing at his joke you bawl harder because the whole thing has been an emotional roller-coaster so far. “Ugghhh,” he rolls his eyes and lifts you in his arms, while you rub your eyes, upset. “Hug me,” and you don’t react. The threat follows: “Your arms better go around my neck really, really tight in the next 3 seconds or the ceremony is off for reals!”

– You don’t remember being so fast in obeying.

“I guess we’re still on,” your fiancée huffs and the teary smile gives him such an unexpected feeling of bliss. J wants to say something sweet for once but ends up mumbling a few words you don’t understand.

“What was that?” you ask, not sure if he really said anything.

“Mind your own business, woman!” but he doesn’t look mad and it makes you happy.

– Conflict arises when the subject of kids is brought up again: The Joker wants 3 and you want none. Huge fight and J leaves, slamming the door and yelling a bunch of stuff that makes you hate him for 30 minutes before you have a change of heart and text him:

“I am willing to compromise for 2.”

– He actually makes you sign a treaty stipulating your little truce. J types the text and prints it, bringing over the piece of paper.

“I agree to let my husband knock me up at least twice,” you read out loud, ready to sign. “Baby, I don’t like that ‘at least’ in there’ –it’s misleading,” you complain but The Clown Prince of Crime won’t have any of this crap.

“Just flippin’ scribble your name on the bottom of the page and stop whining!”

You take a deep breath and sign: “Y/N.”

“Wrong name, Pumpkin,” The Joker points out. “It should be Mrs. J since we are basically married !”

You giggle and cross a line on top of “Y/N”, correcting the mistake.

“Sucker!” J smirks, yanking the page away and folding it as soon as you are done. “Now I can have as many kids as I want. You’re so easy to trick, Princess,” and the paper gets carefully placed in his seif and locked away.

You sulk, aware you stepped right into this one.

– The Joker wants to have the most opulent, luxurious and lavish wedding ever in the history of mankind. You want a more private ceremony, not necessarily less posh, but 1000 guests seem too much for your taste. You want…950 guests and would love to get rid of that extra 50 people, but J is threatening with no sex until after the wedding if you don’t agree to his list.

– You panic. How are you supposed to survive with no sex with The Joker for so long???!! It’s one week away, a whole eternity for Heaven’s sake! So you say yes.

“Sucker!” he maliciously laughs. “Can’t stay away from Daddy, hm?”

“The wedding is off!” you have a comeback at his sassiness, yet J has some sane logic for once:

“Then there will be no sex, obviously.”

“OK, the wedding is on!” you shout, irritated and rush out of the living room, defeated and pissed.

– You never had a first date so you will have one tonight before the wedding. Things between the two of you just kind of happened and you are the one that wants to fix that. J was totally against it but he gave in, renting your favorite restaurant for the night.

– You just started the evening and barely had an appetizer when he already had enough of romance:

“Come on, Doll, get naked, I wanna have you here on the table.”

“What?! On our first date?!” you reply, blushing a bit.

“Don’t make me wait!” J growls and you are disappointed; that’s why you never had a first proper date, he’s so impatient.

“I don’t sleep with anybody at a first date!” you conclude and he’s lost.

“Huh?”

“Let’s enjoy our early evening and then we can go home and sleep. Tomorrow is a big day,” you try to convince him. “You know you can’t see the bride before the wedding anyway, so tonight it’s perfect for us to have a first date and have the tradition taken care of too.”

He just stares at you, grinding his teeth.

“This is bullshit; take your dress off!”

“No! “ you fight back and he slams his fist on the table, getting up to leave, enraged at your nonsense.

“Where are you going?”

“To find somebody else for the night since I am being refused on my apparent first date!” and he storms out, abandoning his bride- to- be at the restaurant.

– You called Frost and he brought you back to the Penthouse. You are nervous to see if he’s home after all he said. Of course he’s home, locked inside one of the bedrooms upstairs. Not that you thought J would cheat, but…you never know.

You are still furious though and debate if you should show up for the wedding tomorrow. You have no clue he is thinking the same.

– You linger in front of his door, debating and turn around to leave when The Joker suddenly opens the door:

“What do you want?” he snaps.

“Nothing…” you scratch your shoulder and stare at each other.

“Then why are you here?”

You lift your shoulders up, not answering.

“It’s bad luck to see the bride before the weeding so disappear!” he mocks, slowly closing the door. You are fast to sneak in before he does it, not that he tries to stop you.

“If you don’t want to see the bride then close your eyes,” you flutter your long eyelashes, biting on your lip.

“That’s stupid,” he whispers but closes his eyes and heads towards the bed. You silently follow and get under the sheets, making sure to say:

“But we can’t have sex, it’s the tradition.”

“Pfft, you already hurt my pride tonight and I don’t forgive that. EVER,” and slides towards you, groping your butt in the process.

Needless to say that was the best sex you had all week.

– His heart stopps when he sees how beautiful you look in the white dress. Yes, you decided on what he wanted.

–Your heart stops when you see him wear the black tuxedo, a very handsome devil. Yes, he decided on what you wanted.

– The Joker almost shoots the priest because things aren’t moving too fast. He’s not a patient man. You calm him down and the ceremony continues without any further death threats.  

– The big letdown for the special occasion is the fact that Batsy didn’t show up. You invited him, right?! Both of you are bummed about it; maybe he was busy or something…Oh, but maybe he will like to be the Godfather of your first child or occasionally babysit…And then again maybe not since he ditched the groom and bride on such an important day. The fact that he didn’t have an address or date has nothing to do with it.

– But he would have probably used the opportunity to bring the SWAT team over and catch you so…a blessing in disguise Gotham’s Vigilante didn’t show up.

– Unexpectedly, for the wedding night, J decides to be romantic.

“Allright, Mrs. J, this is special,” he winks, kissing you roughly and you just can’t wait to take your dress off. ‘”We will use our weeding night as a first date and we won’t have sex, just like you wanted. Surprise!” he grins, soooo proud of his romantic skills.

Your jaw drops to the ground.

“What?!”

“This is my remarkable wedding gift to you: can’t say I am insensitive to your needs,” he dramatically gestures, full of himself.

“And NOW you want to do this??!!”

“No better time.”

“That’s… that’s… preposterous !!!!! There is no way I’m not getting laid on my wedding night!!!” you scream and start yanking at his clothes, eager to get him out of the dammed tuxedo.

“Jeez, Mrs. J, calm down. You’re so desperate it’s embarrassing. I am doing this for you; we’ll just talk,” he yawns  and crushes on the bed, stretching on top of the purple sheets.

“Fine, fine, whatever,” you utter, distressed, admitting in your mind you actually asked for this…last night. You collapse by him, glaring at the ceiling, frustrated.

“On the other hand…” J gets on his elbow, “we can maybe postpone this for another time.”

“Really?” you get on your elbow too, full of hope.

“Sucker, I totally got you!!!!” he chuckles when you crawl on top of him, kissing him in frenzy.

“You’re such a jerk!”

– Needless to say it was the best sex you had all month.

 Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[orange8886]

Muscles

(Dadsona x Hugo Vega fic because Hugo deserves more content 💖)

(AO3 LINK)

So here’s the thing – I’ve always been slim. I was a slim kid, then a slim teenager, then a slim adult. Always slim. And that means that in the muscles department, well… I’m not that great. Sure, I’ve put on some muscles in my late adolescence and a bit more in my adulthood. So I’m not super slim. But still somewhat slim. The point is, I’m not muscular, ok? And I’ve never been bothered by it, to be honest. Actually, I generally like my body.

But! Here comes… I started dating Hugo Vega, Amanda’s ex-teacher. Yeah, I went there. And then the dating grew into a relationship. And I’m very happy with that development. I really like the man. Well, I wouldn’t have started the relationship if I didn’t really like him but the point is – I want this to work out. And I want him to be as happy with me as I’m happy with him.

So here’s the thing - I remembered something about Hugo’s Dadbook profile a couple of weeks ago and since then it’s been eating at me. I’m talking about the “Turn Ons” section. It literally says “muscles”.

You see my problem now, right? The man’s turn on is muscles and I don’t have impressive ones. So, here comes the surprise - I’ve started working out. Well, I started jogging because of Craig. And it’s been good for my legs because they’re more toned now. But the upper body’s a bit neglected. Okay, very neglected.

So I started working out. I just want to point out that this is not one of those “change yourself because your significant other wants you to change” things, but rather a “change a bit in hope it’ll make your significant other happy because you love them so much and you want to make them happy”.

Did I say… love…?

Shit, I’m in too deep now…

Anyway… ahem, back to working out. It’s horrible! It’s tough and exhausting and I don’t recommend it to anyone! And I can’t even tell if there’s a result. I like to think there is because I’m in so much pain but that’s just wishful thinking probably?

The workout itself is horrible but the walk home from the gym is the worst. And there’s not a single bench. Can you believe this? Not a single damn bench! I try not to push myself to my limits in the gym because then I’ll just lie down on the ground and not care. Just sleep on the ground in the middle of the sidewalk.

So, anyway, I’m now walking home from the gym, sweaty and disgusting because I’d rather shower at home than at the communal showers in the gym. It’s just the way I am, ok! And who knew a person can sweat so much? And the smell, oh, the smell! Don’t get me started! I hope I won’t meet anyone I know.

I wish I haven’t said that because of course I’ll meet someone I know! Not just anyone! It’s Hugo, he’s waving at me from across the street. And now he’s crossing the street! I’m usually so good at avoiding people and I feel so betrayed by myself now.

And here comes Hugo. He’s smiling at me. I love his smile. Damn I’m really in too deep.

“Hi!” He beams at me and goes for a kiss and I can’t not kiss him but I’m also very sweaty, smelly, and probably look like shit. But I kiss him back and it’s great as usual. He doesn’t seem grossed out. Or maybe he’s just good at hiding it. He’s probably not, though.

“Have you been to the gym? I didn’t peg you for a gym enthusiast.” He says amused.

“It’s a recent development.” I say, and for once it’s a smooth reply. I congratulate myself.

“Oh? Did Craig finally managed to convert you to his healthy but exhausting lifestyle?”

“Eh, not exactly, no.”

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ME?!? HUGO JUST GAVE YOU THE PERFECT EXCUSE THAT WOULDN’T INVOLVE WEIRD EXPLANATIONS FOR YOUR BEHAVIOUR AND YOU JUST IGNORED IT???

But I feel compelled to tell the truth. Hugo has that impact on me – I feel so safe I just have to share and share, instead of bottling it up and hiding it away. It’s relieving and at the same time I’m having a mild panic attack every time. I’m such a mess.

So, the truth…

“I… actually Craig doesn’t have much to do with it. He helped me with my workout routine and gives me tips but he’s not the reason I started.”

“Then what prompted this? I was under the impressing that you don’t really like going to the gym.” He says honestly and I make a face which he seems to notice because he looks anxious. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way! It’s just that you told me you were wondering how anyone can be as enthusiastic about working out as Craig is, so I just assumed…” he trailed weakly.

It is adorable – he is blushing and adjusting his glasses nervously. I have to bite my lip as not to smile. But I better put him out of his misery.

“It’s fine, Hugo, really. And you’re right - I’m not a gym person in the slightest. And the reason I… actually, do you remember what you wrote in your Dadbook profile?” I ask and it takes him by surprise. He looks a little lost and it’s so cute! I mean… Okay, fine, I just really like him and everything he does is adorable so you’ll have to bear with me!

“I remember, vaguely. Which part are you referring to? And what does my Dadbook profile have to do with you going to the gym?”

“The “Turn Ons” part.” I blurt out, not really answering his second question. Well, at least it’s in the open now.

Hugo looks confused for a few moments the realization hits him. He looks uneasy now. Good job, Me, you’ve distressed your boyfriend. I honestly can’t tell which one of us is more uncomfortable now.

“I don’t-“ Hugo starts. “It’s just a social media profile. It’s not like it’s my only turn on.” He says that a little louder and immediately looks around to see if anyone’s noticed. There’s no one around. “I mean, it was just a thing I picked. It was actually more of an allude to wrestling. Not that muscles are not a turn on, but I don’t necessary want my partner to be very muscular. I meant to say that I don’t choose my partners based on that one criteria so I don’t want you to think that you have to go to the gym when you obviously don’t like it just because of something I wrote on Dadbook years ago.” Hugo finishes breathlessly.

I’m floored, speechless. He looks so genuine and concerned. I’ve chosen right again.

It seems my silence hasn’t done Hugo any favours because he continues to be agitated.

“I mean, you can continue going to the gym if you want but I don’t want you to do something you don’t like just becau-“

I kiss him. I can’t help it. And I know I’m still sticky with sweat and smell horrible but I just can’t help winding my arms around his neck and kissing him like my life depends on it. He’s clearly surprised for a second but he returns the kiss enthusiastically. I feel his body relaxing. Ah, it’s bliss.

When we finally part, Hugo is beaming at me again. I feel so blessed.

“I have to say that I’m really flattered. But I do like you just the way you are.” He says and a second later I see his cheeks reddening again and he looks away.

He’s not telling me something and now I just must know. Last time he behaved like this, I found out he liked wrestling. So I wonder what will be this time. We’re still embracing so I squeeze his shoulders a little and give him an encouraging smile.

“What is it, Hugo? Whatever it is, you can tell me.” I purr. Yes, I still got it.

He blushes even more. “I… well, since you’re after my turn ons… it was really hot when you let me show you some of the wrestling moves. I mean, I enjoyed that a lot. Probably more than I should have. I hoped you wouldn’t notice exactly how much I enjoyed it.”

Oh. My. God.

“Honestly, I enjoyed it more than I probably should have as well.” I admit with a grin.

He finally focuses his eyes on mine again and the stare is so intense. I love it. His hold on my waist tightens just a little bit and I get the best idea I’ve had all week.

“So, since I obviously don’t mind you showing me all of your wrestling moves, how about you come to my house and show me a selected few, hm?”

Damn, I’m smooth. It’s clearly my day. And I haven’t seen Hugo so enthusiastic since we went to the Power Slam. Then I remember I’m still sweaty and smelly.

“After I take a shower though!”

“You know, we can help the environment and shower together.” He then laughs at his bad pick up line.

But it’s super effective so I take his hand in mine and drag him towards my house. All of a sudden I don’t feel exhausted at all. It’s a miracle. I tell you!

[wearethegladiators]

ok i’ve been willing to rant about lily for weeks mdr, and here i got mY TRIGGER (hello elo) (i don’t why you say goodbye i say hello ♪) (sorry) (i hope you’re doing all good COURAAAGE i’ve gotta send you a message aaaaah) (luv)

ok so lily. we stan a traumatized kid ™

first, i wanted to keep on ranting about the concentration camp episode like the old senile grandma that i am. i’m glad you got the idea hihi cause it may actually turn out to be a very defining moment for Lils

because she’s gonna end with i don’t know how many people in the nature and will call the rebellion for help but they’re like so numerous?? and they may be a threat, i mean we don’t know them and they may be highly fucked-up after months in death camp?? i’m not sure the rebellion would take the risk of saving them all? like i may be wrong about it but as much as i think the order would have come for them, the rebellion seems to be as more pragmatic, especially after all the losses they faced?

i’m sorry about all the question marks my mind is just one big question mark mdr

idk but i can see Nathan telling Lily to save herself, maybe take that Ryder kid with her but just let the others behind? and yeah you called it that’s the emergence of the whole “my people” thing. like that would make sense

i also don’t think the evading happened all peacefully? like it may have been the plan but i see it more like when the 100 revolted against the mountain men. and that would be my second point: that’s probably the first time Lily killed someone

like she mercy-killed Fenugreek and she recklessly-killed a deatheater during her dark/burnout period but killing someone in cold-blood? #NotMyLily

yet someone would have to do it, like it would be a guard or something. and she’d be super reluctant but “someone has to save our skins/i bear so they don’t have to”. and she does it. and that’s the beginning of a new era for Lily

plus she ends up being sort of a leader after that? that’s like a lot

and then there’s her brother and there’s the virus. she accepts the leadership because she thinks she has to, and also because she thinks she’ll better be able to protect Aron this way (plot twist: he’s gonna stay in the rebellion anyway mdr)

ah yeah btw Aron joined the rebellion pretty early on, when Lily brought her family back to the U.K (how bad of an idea was this my bby). and he also canonically tried to end his life in the very headquarters of the rebellion and Lily felt like no one cared, like he didn’t fit in here, so when she started organizing the  muggleborn community she also (mostly??) did it because she felt that was the right thing to do for Aron

her brother is the motivation behind like 90% of her actions (which may also explain why she’s taking so many bad decisions because she loses all rationality when it comes to her family)

escalation of violence and radicalization blablabla

also Lily and braids!!!! i read something about Daenerys and how she added one more braid to her hair each time she won a battle. Lily would add a braid each time she killed someone/someone died because of her. and at that one point, with the virus and all... well there’s no more room on her head haha, so she cuts it short thinking it will make the hurt go away (#relatable)

so she’d keep the braids for a while even after she turned to a more “muggle style” (leather jackets and the like, gaelic tattoos!!...)

what else did i want to rant about

han yeah, like i thought a loooot about what would happen to Lily after Aron’s death (because as much as it’s breaking my heart we know it’s gonna happen :’()

will she go rogue? it happened for a few weeks when she was 18 and she was manipulated into thinking Aron was dead, but it did not last, was highly traumatizing, and so-not-Lily

cause my girl is all about drastic self-control. remember how she used to talk in her sleep and shit?? that’s not a thing anymore. she is constantly using occlumencia, to the point it’s starting to damage her a bit (like memory losses, confusion/paranoia, frequent nosebleeds...). it’s messing with her health but control has become an obsession

actually i like a lot how you brought up Les Ames Mortes into that cause!! so relevant!! anyway i’ll go back to that in a second post but yeah ever since that time she was always anxious (even though people didn’t seem notice??) like biting her nails and shit, she’s even that type of person having to deal with trichotillomania (is that how we call it)

anyway so no rogue!Lily, but this doesn’t mean no evenmoreradicalized!Lily

the more i think about it the more i can see her being stuck in an unhealthy position surrounded by unhealthy people putting all the burden on her and fetishizing her. like i’m probably too much into Far Cry 5 and Faith but Lily, especially after everything she’s been through, is the perfect candidate for desperate muggleborns in need of a heroic/mystic figure :’)

and at first it’s a marginal thing, like the matter of a few persons and Lily is digusted by it and tries to ignore it or just go like “hahahaha very fun Michel, thank you. nOW BACK TO THE PLAN” whenever someone brings that up. but then Aron dies and everything changes, cause everything she’s done over the last years was thought for him, her main purpose was to protect him (and make him proud!!) and it all failed and what is she left with now?? what’s her goal, what’s her drive?? why should she keep on fighting

and then there’s all these people counting on her and she’s got to save them right? maybe this didn’t work out for Aron because she didn’t try hard enough. who is she without the fight anyway? she’s desperate and wants to save her people so bad. like she’s legit terrified she’ll be the last one of her kind (just like her brother was btw mdr)

can you imagine how much of a terrible situation this must be

and like i said, Lily is obsessed with control. originally with self-control, but now?? she’s kind of becoming convinced that she’s the only one capable of saving them all, buying into that rhetoric and kind of embracing it, and thus taking measures to fulfil it. like executing traitors in public (when she always advocated for Oubliettes spell, probably repeatedly stood up against torture, etc.) i don’t know wHY I HAD THIS DREAM OF HER BOMBING THE BLACKBIRD RANCH???? hm. anyway, some bombings probably. embodying the harsh, blind, neutral justice. (and also having this aura of death around her yayyy)

i’m really proud of her pinterest board on that dynamic btw hihihi sorry

how do you destroy a monster without becoming one? are you a monster when you’re doing the right things, or the wrong things for the right reasons? it’s all about survival now, it’s about who has the guts to make the hard choices.

i have no idea how this would impact her relationship with Nathan?? can anyone save her/can she be saved/should she be saved?

“i’m not too gone to be healed, am I?”

why don’t I have more positive references??? my girl is never gonna make it like this

plus are you actually giving me dead!Lily vibes???? not like she’s not dying mais??? i’ll come back to this gngngn

wsh I hope she’s not gonna become an Octavia Blake hé (no)

anyway that’s just my girl that cannot even access positions of power properly mdr

not like she’s a leader anyway. i mean she may have the qualities to be one (she must be such a great public speaker hihi), but she just doesn’t want to?? she’s a survivor and a tough-ass person that just wants to save everyone but never asked to be put in that position, like she would have kept following Nathan her entire life and would have been fine with that only if she did have a choice

T R A G I C

ok i’ll be baaaack

[justalittlemango]

Entry #17 - 28/01/2020

Well it’s been a few days since I posted again. It’s currently Tuesday 7am, 3 hours before my lecture is due to start :’D Tho, I’m unsure if I’ll be able to attend as I’ve been badly ill for the past week which has pissed me off. I say badly ill, but it’s not been too bad, just tedious and a variety of changing symptoms. It started off with a sore throat, heavy headache to coughing fits, blocked nose and disorientation. Oh, and i’m coughing up gunk every like 5 mins. I’m unsure if there’s any point in me going to see a doctor about it... I feel like I’m recovering.. but at the same time I don’t. I feel ok now, but by morning my head will hurt like fuck from not getting much sleep.

My insomnia has been nuts too. My sleep schedule has been a mess, e.g. I will fall asleep and then something will instantly take me back out. It’s almost like a groan that I do and then it wakes me up. I think that’s due to the cough, but then I lie on my back and then I get sleep paralysis... so that ain’t working either. Then I try and lie on my right side and then I’m having coughing fits again! I just can’t win with these shit fevers

Annnnyway. Enough about that. Mentally how have I been? Ok I think... my health anxiety has been a bit in the air with me being ill again, as I’ve been getting my heart palpitations back (I assume due to it being more effort to breathe with being ill and whatnot) and also random areas of my body feeling achey/stingy and going numb. So, health anxiety has been bad. But happiness wise, I’ve been relatively good despite all this going on. I’m still seeming positive.

I’ve been waking up mostly cranky due to the fact that my illness just keeps disrupting shit for me, but I guess I should be grateful that this isn’t some life-affecting illness. For the past week I’ve been ill I’ve been thinking about the things i want to do for this year and how i want me as a person to change, for the better of course!

This includes helping out my bf a bit more. He does quite a lot of things for me and I don’t want to appear ungrateful by not assisting him when he needs it. Issue is the shared kitchen and generally I just get anxious when people pop in and out, however it’s time for me to overcome that, to help make my bf’s life a bit easier and keep him company. I think stepping out my comfort zone everyday for a small amount of time would definitely be beneficial for my anxiety overall. 

I’ve also wanted to change a few of my desires... uh, yeah. desires. i’m not really gonna mention what they are as they’re embarrassing to me, but basically I always feel guilty/ashamed after desiring such things so i just want to avoid those as much as possible. I’ve replaced them with alternative “desires” that i feel less ashamed about so i’m quite happy about that. I hope i can stick to it.

I’ve also decided to limit my use on twitter. I spend way too much time on it browsing endlessly through people’s shitty problems (lol ironic right?) and generally it drains me mentally. I just don’t think i need to use that account anymore, it was mainly known in one fandom and that’s it, and i’m not really part of that fandom anymore so i think it’s best if i just slightly fade out of the spotlight, i guess to put it simply.

Anyway! those are my goals I want to work on to make me feel like a better person. I still got way more to do this year, but those are ones I am starting off with, nice and relatively easy ones so I don’t have to sink into all this stuff so quickly. 

Things i’ve been up to today? woke up at 7pm after issues with sleeping, did my part of the group project that’s due in tomorrow’s lecture... or the lecture that’s in 3 hours... hm. So I felt good after working on that for a bit. Mainly because all the work I did from last year’s assignment has stuck with me fairly well, which I didn’t expect. It felt nice to do a lot of work that i don’t have to refer to tutorials for anymore.

Other than that, not much!  My bf made me some lovely wraps so I kept him company in the kitchen again. Not sure what’s going to happen tomorrow, depends how I feel, I’m still coughing quite a lot and I don’t really want to spread this fever to others but... idk. I will probably spend tomorrow on recovering even more.

~a slightly miserable mangie but also still staying positive :3