#ok now off to bed for me i have physio at 12

[capn-twitchery]

ok i dropped it for a while but we are now 3/4 poses done on the month late feast of the rose art🎉

i just gotta render the last one and do all the text + finishing bits and i can finally call it done >:3

[daisydoctor13]

First Lines Meme

Thank you to @ktlsyrtis, @fortytworedvines and @slightlyintimidating (every time i saw a tag I thought about doing it and just.....never got round to it, its been a busy week haha)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!

This is the first line of the latest 20 posts on AO3, which includes collections (because I don’t have enough individual stories on there) but not the first line of each story within the collection (if that makes sense? I’m going to stop rambling now) 

1. You’re here tonight (and that’s enough) - “Bernie, I’m sorry there’s clearly been a mix up with the rota,” Serena approaches her with a concerned look on her face, her brow furrowed.

2. First Impressions - “OK Mum don’t freak out,” Elinor started as she closed, no, slammed the front door, announcing her arrival in the house.

3. Itchy Feet, Soothing Hands - Bernie had been discharged from the physio with a stern, but fond, word of warning.

4. Between the dames and the horses - “If you want to ask me something, you should try words instead of Morse code.”

5. The weather outside is frightful (as long as you love me so) - “And people taking to the skies for travel this weekend are advised to check their flights as services are facing cancellations due to this unexpected bad weather.”

6. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine - “Hi Auntie Bernie. Is it okay if I still call you that? I know you’re not technically my Auntie and you weren’t married to Auntie Serena but I still called you that, but now you’re not together anymore I don’t know if I should.”

7. Cold Hands, Warm Hearts - Serena scowled as she took a sip from her flask, almost wishing she had added a little something extra to the coffee.

8. Our Love Was Made for Movie Screens (Collection) - Serena eyed Bernie warily as she slid into bed.

9. Wonderful Fic-mastime (Collection) - “What on earth has been happening here?!” Serena exclaimed as she entered her house.

10. How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given - Serena was glad they’d decided to go out for a meal at the weekend when they both had the day off.

11. Fragments of Eternity (Collection) - He hears murmurs around the hospital, the advantage of being able to sneak up on people despite being conspicuous.

12. The Power of Two (Collection, Kate Stewart) - Kate blinked through the sleep in her eyes, frowning as she realised it was still dark.

13. Something Old, Something New - After thirty years in medicine Bernie felt she had become immune to most things.

14. Another Roll of the Dice - Serena leant against the railings of the balcony, observing the city below her and absorbing the atmosphere.

15. The Wrong Side of Fifty - “You know what she needs?” Fletch commented to Morven as Serena’s office door had just been slammed so thoroughly that the blinds shook, “a new flame to get over Robbie the Bobby.”

16. Tibia your valentine (Zoe Evans) - "You doing anything nice later, doc?" Mr Carter asks as he shrugs on his coat.

17. Hey, Soul Sister - “Come on Auntie Serena, or we’ll be late picking up Auntie Bernie from the airport!”

18. This is the sound of my soul - “You’ve got to go Serena you’re the head girl. What head girl doesn’t go to the prom? It’s right up your street: music, dancing, smuggling alcohol in and having your wicked way with half the boys at St Cuthbert’s.”

19. What lasts forever can’t be rushed - Bernie checked her watch for about the 10th time in an hour, groaning.

20. A Silver of Hope - Bernie paced up and down on the platform, checking her watch and the announcement board every few seconds, desperate for the time to be going quicker.

Ohhhh so much dialogue! It’s what I expected really because I don’t always find it easy to set a scene, I find myself going straight into action. As @ktlsyrtis said it’s a great point about fanfic because you don’t need to introduce characters but lord I use a lot of speech to do that haha.

I think number 7 is my favourite because I could really picture that first scene and I’m hoping it just brings up an immediate sense of Serena and how she is feeling. Also I do like 15 as well for similar reasons (but also I’m just proud that it was my first ever thing posted)

everyone seems to have been tagged while i’ve got round to this oops 

[new-to-this123]

River Love

As Per Requested

could you please do a imagine where the reader and Bryce have been best friends since they were little and the reader sees Bryce in the river and saves him? maybe they end up dating at the end or something? thank you :)

Bryce Walker X Reader 

Warning: swearing, fluff, season 3 spoilers

Word Count: 1642

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Text: 

Bryce: Hey after the game meet me at the pier

Y/N: ok. I miss you brycey!! 

Bryce: :) i miss you too. That's why I wanna see you. 

Y/N: ill be there :P 

Y/N was sitting in the crowd waiting to watch the Liberty/Hillcrest football game. It had been a very anticipated game, since this would be the first game all the boys from Liberty would play against their former captain and friend, bryce walker. 

Y/N had been friends with bryce since kindergarten and nothing could come between them. Y/N knew that Bryce had done some questionable things but Bryce had always been good to her. In freshman year, he even stopped a senior from raping her. 

Jessica and her HO buddies ran onto the field cheering “Hey hey ho ho Rape Culture has to go”, then Carter from HIllcrest grabbed her boobs and the riot started. All the boys from liberty and hillcrest were fighting each other. The coaches and the police tried to break the boys up. Y/N ran onto the sidelines trying to see if she could see Bryce. By then the police and staff had managed to break up the fighting and she decided to head to the parking lot. Bryce wasn't there either. 

Y/N drove down near the pier and parked. She never saw Bryce drive by nor did she see zach come and go. But she did notice ALex and Jessica drive by her. She got out her car and followed. She arrived at the pier and saw Bryce on the ground with alex in front of him and jessica not far behind. She tried to listen to their conversation but she was too far away and didn't want to get caught. She was slowly moving closer to the three when bryce's voice got louder and she heard 

“For fuck sake you guys. Please”  jessica and alex exchanged a few words that Y/N couldn't hear and JEssica walked away and Y/N heard Bryce say to alex

“Please, i don't want to die out here. Alex! Alex, please” and bryce's voice got quieter and Y/N couldn't hear but Alex walked towards him and helped him up. As he helped Bryce up, Bryce screamed in pain, causing Y/N to start crying quietly. Suddenly bryce was yelling again. 

“FUUCK! Fucking Zach! Im gonna fuck up his other knee and wreck his fucking life” 

Alex answered “you're not going to do anything to zach.” 

“Im gonna fucking destroy him” bryce yelled in pain. Then he looked at jessica and said angrily 

“You! You set me up” 

Alex yelled back “ She did not set you up” to which bryce yelled back 

“She fucking set me up!” 

Y/N stood up from where she was and saw bryce and alex stumbling around. When they stopped alex said something to bryce and started pushing him over the edge of the pier. Bryce tried to fight back but with his legs broken he couldn't do much. As Alex pushed Bryce over the edge Y/N ran up to Alex and jessica, looked at alex and yelled 

“WHAT THE FUCK ALEX”  before jumping into the cold river after her best fried. 

Bryce couldn't keep his head above water with both his legs broken and was panicking. Y/N had a hard time reaching him because of his panicked state but when she did she swam  to shore with bryce in tow and called 911. 

The ambulance arrived and brought both teenagers to the hospital. Y/N was brought to a room and made to wait to be taken by police while bryce was rushed into surgery.

Once the sheriff arrived at the hospital they took Y/N to the station to be questioned. 

“Y/N please don't lie to us, i know you know what happened so tell me” officer standall told Y/N. 

“I told you I didn't see who it was, all i know is that alex and jessica got there and bryce was already beaten up, alex helped bryce up, bryce got defensive alex got mad and pushed him in the river, I jumped in to save him. I swear it's the truth.” 

“Alex pushed him in?” officer standall asked again. 

“Yes!” 

“OK you can go” officer standall told Y/N 

Y/N rushed back to the hospital, ran in and talked to the desk clerk in the emergency room. 

“My friend was brought in by ambulance all beat up and thrown into the river, i need to know if he's ok” 

“He’s still in surgery, you'll have to wait in the waiting room.” the clerk told Y/N. 

Y/N walked towards the waiting room and saw bryce's mom. 

“Oh Y/N the doctors told me that you saved him”

“Ya i jumped in after him and pulled him out. You know I never understood why they made waterproof phones till now” Y/N told Nora Walker with a half smile. 

Nora started crying and hugged Y/N and said 

“Thank you so much Y/N! Thank you! I know he's done bad things but i swear he's getting better. I know he's trying.” 

“He is getting better Nora. he's been doing so well!! He knows he messed up and he knows he needs help. And porter is really helping him!” 

Y/N and Nora sat in the waiting room for a few hours before the doctor came out. 

“Well i got some good news for you, he's going to be ok.  It's a good thing you were there to pull him out because he wouldn't have been able to save himself. He's got a severe concussion, a dislocated shoulder blade, and in both of his legs his tibia, fibula and patella are broken . With lots of patience and physiotherapy he’ll be able to walk again, and maybe even play sports again.” 

“I don't care about sports as long as he's ok.” Nora said crying happy tears

“Yes he’ll be alright. You guys can come see him if you want” the doctor said leading the way to bryce's room. 

As soon as Nora and Y/N walked into the room they started crying seeing bryce all bandaged up and with both legs in casts. About an hour of being in the room he was slowly waking up from the anesthesia. 

“Mom” bryce whispered 

“I'm here honey. And so is Y/N” Nora answered. 

“Y/N” bryce whispered. 

Y/N held onto his hand. Bryce patted the bed beside him, signinling Y/N to come lay beside him. 

“I'm so happy your ok brycey” Y/N said hugging bryce, tears falling down her eyes. 

Everyday day after school Y/N would go see bryce and on weekends she was there from morning till night time. She never left his side. 

It was saturday morning and Bryce had been in the hospital for two weeks now. Y/N was sitting in bryce's bed with him just talking and helping Y/N with some of her homework, when the physiotherapist walked in. 

“Good morning bryce. Good morning Y/N. How are we this morning?” she asked 

“Y/N is giving me my daily dose of gossip and were catching up on some school work.” bryce laughed 

“Alright well now it's time for me to give you your daily dose of arm physio” the physiotherapist laughed. 

Bryce had just recently started doing physio for his dislocated shoulder. The doctors had told him that he could take the sling off as of two weeks and that it would be 4-12 weeks before he was 100% better. His tibia, fibula and patella fracture would probably take another 6-8 months to heal completely. None of that stopped Y/N from being there everyday and being by Bryce's side to support his recovery. 

Three months in the hospital and Bryce was finally being released. He was wheelchair bound until his legs could support his weight. Y/N Drive to the hospital to pick up her best friend. 

"Y/N you're here!!" Bryce said as the nurse pushed him outside. 

"Of course I am silly" 

Bryce got into the car and Y/N Drive off. 

"So you remember what I told you about a month in to the hospital?" Bryce asked grabbing Y/N hand

Y/N smiled looked over at Bryce and replied 

"Of course I do! You told me you were taking me on a date the day you were released!" 

"Good you remembered!!" Bryce smiled " since I can't drive, I was hoping you wouldn't mind driving, maybe we can do Rosie's or Monet's or wherever you wanted?" Bryce said shyly.

"Is Bryce walker blushing?" Y/N laughed as she saw her best friend blushing.

"I choose Rosie's!" Y/N said driving towards Rosie's. 

Y/N parked and helped Bryce out of car and they sat at Rosie's. 

They enjoyed their night. They talked and reminisced about all the things they've done together and all the boys and girls they've dated over the years. 

By the time they left Rosie's it was almost 2 am. 

"I've missed the outside world so much" Bryce said to Y/N as she pushed his wheelchair outside. 

"Ya I'm happy I finally get you outside the hospital" 

Y/N helped Bryce into her car and drove him home. The whole car ride the teens held hands. As Y/N pulled up to Bryce's house Bryce looked over at the young girl and smiled. 

"You know Y/N, You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on. And, I really like you, actually I love you. Do you maybe want to be my girlfriend?" 

"Awwwe bryyyyyyce. I love you too!! And yes yes I do!" 

Y/N leaned over her the middle console in her car and kissed bryce.

[hymn2000]

Chiquitita - MCU AU fanfic - C32

Story summary: Something strange is happening. Someone from space has made their way to Earth, armed with a strange weapon. Targeting teenagers, their ray gun, when fired, turns the victim into a toddler. The Avengers set out to stop this, and find a way to reverse the effects. However, they don’t all come out of the battle unscathed.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22   23 24  25  26 27 28 29 30 31

Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: de-aging, family stuff, corporal punishment (early chapters only), mental health stuff, hurt/comfort, hospital/medical stuff

Chapter 32 - Chiquitita

-

Loki watched Peter closely the next day. He was still feeling very mixed up and upset about everything, but after the very frank chat Tony had had with him after Peter had gone to bed, he realised he had been a bit out of order staying away from their son the way he had. He needed to make up for lost time, and make sure Peter knew he cared.

Peter was definitely struggling. He seemed very mixed up too, which was understandable. More than that, walking - or more, staying on his feet - was definitely an issue.

“Peter, my darling?” Loki said, stopping Peter in the kitchen. “Is it ok if I take a little look at you? More specifically, at your legs?”

“Um...” Peter swallowed, and nodded. “Ok”

Loki scooped him up bridal-style. He took him to the back room where there was more space, and carefully lay him down on the futon.

“Are they still hurting?”

“Yeah” Peter said. “Not as much as yesterday, but they still ache”

“Maybe we should take your jeans off”

“I’d rather we didn’t” Peter said. “I... sorry”

“Don’t be. It’s ok” Loki said, starting to check him over anyway. “Your poor legs are still shaking. Can you try to settle them?”

“I am trying. They take a minute or two to stop”

“I see. Do they feel weak?”

“Not really; just shaky. Even when my knees give out, they don’t really feel weak. It kinda feels like a jolt when it happens, y’know? Kinda like someone’s just hit them”

“I understand” Loki said. “Does it feel like you can’t balance?”

“No. I can balance, when my legs let me. Like, I can walk and stand and stuff, but then my legs go all funny”

“Funny how?”

“Well, you know. The shaking and stuff. I can’t go for very long”

“I’ve watched you, chick, and I’m not sure it’s a strength thing. Do you mind if I just-”

“Daddy, I trust you, and I’m not saying this to be rude” Peter said. “But this isn’t exactly your area of expertise”

Loki laughed slightly. “I’ve had some experience in physio, chick”

“Mostly personal experience though, right?”

Loki stopped for a moment. “...It’s not really the same thing, honey. Now, I want you to push against my hand with your foot, ok?”

Peter did as he was asked. It felt a little funny: he wasn’t sure how he felt about being on his back being given a consult by his father. But he supposed it couldn’t do any harm. Loki was a nurse, after all.

“Well” Loki said, letting go of Peter and letting him lay his legs back down. “You’re definitely not lacking any strength there”

“So I’m just still adjusting? Kinda like when you were in hospital?”

“Peter, stop” Loki said, firmly. “We’re not talking about me”

Peter sighed. “I think it was worse for us at first”

“Peter, I told you to stop. I don’t want to talk about that”

“Sorry...”

Loki sighed and sat Peter up so he could check his reflexes. He didn’t have a reflex hammer, so he had to make do with his phone.

“Is your lockscreen still a picture of me as a toddler?”

“Yes” Loki said. “Your reflexes seem ok. I think perhaps we should have a bit of a workout and see if we can’t push you a little bit”

“Isn’t that a bit dangerous?”

“No, I don’t think so. A bit of proper exercise would do you good” he thought for a moment. “Why don’t we go down to the pool? Swimming is good for you, and you enjoy that”

“If I can’t walk, I’m not gonna be able to swim” Peter frowned.

“Well, perhaps not as well as usual” Loki said. “But never mind. The water will be good for you, and I’ll keep hold of you so you’re not going to be in any danger”

“But daddy, you can’t swim”

“That’s what you think” Loki said, prodding him in the chest. “Jo Jo is a very good teacher, and he’s very discreet”

“Wow”

“Mm, wow indeed” Loki said. “So, shall we?”

“What about dad?”

“I think he’s very busy in the lab today”

“Can we ask him anyway?”

Loki nodded. “Of course”

-

Tony was very tied up and said he couldn’t really afford to get away. He was relieved to see Loki was seemingly back to his normal self thought, and he secretly wanted them to spend as much time together without him as possible.

Loki and Peter went downstairs to the pool changing rooms.

“Um, daddy?” Peter said once he and Loki had gotten changed. “My legs have gone all funny. Can you, um..?”

Loki hoicked Peter up onto his hip. “I’m got you, chick. You just hold onto me”

“We went swimming while I was a toddler” Peter said. “You held me up so I could say hello to the seal”

“You loved that seal... We spent hours there. You loved the little whale slide. You were so cute” Loki said. “We didn’t quite get you swimming: you were happy enough splashing around”

“You taught me to read, though”

“Yes, I taught you to read. You enjoyed it...”

“Mm... Can you really swim now? You never tried before. Why did you change your mind?”

“Yes, I can swim now. Never you mind about the reasons why” Loki said loftily. “Let’s get you into the pool”

Peter clung to Loki. “I’m a bit nervous. I can’t walk for long, so... Swimming was my good thing, right? Even though I don’t really like competing. But if I can’t do it...”

“It’s ok. Don’t worry about that; you’ll get back on your game eventually” Loki said. “I’ve got you now. We can go slow”

Peter looked down at the pool. “Um...”

Loki sat down on the edge of the pool with Peter on his lap.

“Um, daddy? I think I’ve changed my mind”

“Too late” Loki said, slipping into the pool.

Peter squeaked and clung to Loki’s arm, squeezing his eyes shut. Loki kept one arm round Peter’s chest, and rested his free hand on the boys head.

“You’re ok, chick. Open your eyes”

Peter slowly opened his eyes. He looked at the water, feeling it lapping against his skin. It was comfortably warm, as usual, and Loki’s arm was securely round him. He was safe. He kicked his legs a little, testing the water.

“Is it the resistance that helps?” he asked.

“It’s part of it” Loki said. “You have to work harder in water. But I think it’s also the heat. You know, like a hot bath. It can help relax your muscles”

“Oh yeah... Do you know where my box of bath salts went? Those expensive ones? I asked dad and he said he didn’t know”

“You ruined them” Loki said. “It was the next night after... After you got hit with Kindsprengen’s gun... You decided to make a potion by way of a bottle of shower gel mixed into a box of bath salts in the early hours of the morning”

“Oh right” the corner of Peter’s mouth turned down. “That was silly of me”

“I’ll buy you some more if you’d like some”

“I don’t know” Peter put his hands in the water. “My legs don’t really hurt any more”

“That’s good. Does it hurt all over, or is it just the backs of your knees?”

“Usually just the backs of my knees” Peter said. “I don’t feel very stable”

“Physically?”

Peter nodded. “It feels weird”

Loki turned Peter round and tried to hold him at arms length. Peter squeaked and clung to him.

“Don’t let go! I might sink!”

“You won’t sink” Loki said. “You’ve had more medals and trophies for swimming than you’ve had hot dinners. I’m not going to let go of you completely, I promise. I’ll keep hold of your hands, and you can just try kicking your legs and keeping yourself afloat as best you can”

“I’m scared”

“I know. We’ll go slow. In your own time”

Peter took a deep breath and slowly let go of Loki. Loki kept hold of Peter’s hands.

“There we are! You’re ok” Loki said.

Peter kept his eyes down, trying to focus. He held tight to Loki’s hands and tried kicking his legs like Loki had suggested.

“There, good boy” Loki said. “You’re doing really well”

“It feels weird. Like wading through custard”

Loki laughed slightly. “I understand. Believe it or not, I did a little bit of hydrotherapy while I was in hospital. I remember how strange it felt the first time”

“Oh, I didn’t know that” Peter said. “Um... Am I gonna have to go to physio because of this?”

“I shouldn’t think so. We’ll work through it together. I think you’ll be ok in a few days. I think- oh! I’ve had a thought”

“Oh. What?”

“I think we need to build your strength up a bit. You’ve been eating as a toddler for so long” Loki said. “Maybe your body had a bit of a shock. After all, if we gave you toddler portions now, it wouldn’t be enough to sustain you, would it?”

“Interesting theory” Peter said. “...Remember that day we went out and I asked to go on the bus, and you said no, and I asked why, and you said because we haven’t got a ticket? And I just kinda accepted that as an answer?”

Loki smiled slightly. “Well, I didn’t lie to you”

“I really wanted to go on that bus, you know. It just seemed so exciting. My rocket- um... I though my rocket would have liked it”

“You were so attached to that rocket. I notice you had it with you yesterday, and at breakfast this morning”

“Mm... I remember getting it. It was the first day, wasn’t it?”

“That’s right. You threw a fit when dad told you no” Loki said. “You had a proper tantrum and he just gave in to shut you up”

“Was I a nightmare? I can kinda remember having tantrums, but like, was I a nightmare generally?”

“No” Loki said. “You were wonderful. You were sweet and quiet and happy and precious. You had your moments, but generally, you were really good. You were incredibly well behaved”

“Oh” Peter said. “I remember getting into trouble a few times. Aunt Nat rescued me from the naughty chair on the landing”

“Mm... Can I ask you something?”

Peter nodded.

“What was going through your head when you had a tantrum?”

“Oh” Peter looked at him. “Um... It depended. I just kinda remember being really, really angry or upset or frustrated and feeling like no one was listening. So like, because people weren’t listening, I had to make them listen. So I got loud. I guess I just had to let all that emotion out”

“Can I ask you something else?”

Peter nodded.

“Do you remember those days when you got fussy because you didn’t want your coat on?”

Peter nodded again.

“How did you feel when we put you in your coat anyway, even though you were saying no?”

Peter went quiet, thinking and trying to remember properly. He looked at his and Loki’s hands.

“It was kinda scary sometimes. Like, I kept saying no and I couldn’t struggle away because everyone was so much bigger than me. I guess I felt kinda helpless”

“I tried to explain to you why we were doing it anyway”

“I know” Peter said. “I remember you telling me you could hear me saying no, but you had to do it to look after me, or something like that”

“Did it help?” Loki asked. “Compared to people who just forced you wordlessly?”

Peter shrugged. “I don’t really know. I think you were less scary than dad, because you talked to me gently even when I was shouting. Dad just kinda told me to be quiet and then didn’t say anything else until I was all zipped up in my coat”

“We both tried our best”

“I know” Peter said. “Do you wanna know what was scary?”

Loki looked at him with interest. “Ok?”

“Getting my booster jabs”

“Oh sweetheart” Loki sighed sadly. “Dad said you absolutely howled. He said he nearly cried too”

“It was one in each arm and each leg” Peter said. “Dad had to hold me still; I remember that. It felt like it went on forever, like the doctor just kept stabbing things into me. It was so scary. I didn’t like the doctor much after that. Didn’t really like dad either, ‘cos I started asking him to get the doctor to stop, and he didn’t... I did get gummy bears afterwards though”

“Poor little boy. Was there any talk at the doctors of doing more boosters now that you’ve been, uh, turned back?”

“I don’t know; I wasn’t really listening while we were there: I was too cross”

“Yes, I was told about that appointment. Not to mention the way you talked to dads friends”

“Yeah... I should probably apologise”

“Perhaps” Loki said, taking him further from the edge of the pool. “I think they’re all very understanding though”

“Do you wanna know something else that was scary?”

“If there’s something else you want to tell me, yes”

“All the crowds. People used to crowd us when we were out, y’know, because of dad? That could be pretty scary, especially when it was men, and especially when they were loud”

“Well, I understand that. You’ve been a little funny with crowds for a long time. I can imagine it must have been very scary when you were so little”

“Mm... Daddy, my legs are getting kinda tired”

“Come and hold onto me properly again” Loki said, pulling him close and enabling him to do so. “You’re doing really well. We’ll get you there”

-

Tony emerged from the lab and found Loki and Peter cuddled up spooning in the reading nook in their fluffy dressing gowns. Loki had a book in his hands, which he put down when Tony entered the room.

“Hey, you two” Tony said softly. “Did you have a good swim?”

“It was tiring” Peter said. “But daddy said we should keep at it and I managed to do half a length, which I thought was ok”

“That’s good! How are your legs?”

“They ache a bit, but I think it’s because of the exercise” Peter said. “We spent a while in the hot tub too, and that kinda helped”

“He got tired out” Loki said. “I didn’t want to push him too hard just yet”

“Did you have a little look at him?”

“I don’t think there’s anything to worry about just yet. I’ll work on exercise with him, and if you keep him well fed, and we do the rest of it together, we’ll get him back up and running soon enough” Loki said.

“Is it ok if I join you?”

Loki nodded, and Tony sat down on the armchair by the reading nook.

“Daddy?” Peter said. “Where’s my phone? And my laptop? I had a look, but...”

“I’ll dig them out for you, chick” Loki said.

“I wanna see my friends. And I need to send a few sorry messages to people”

“There’s no rush, chick” Tony said. “Don’t push yourself”

“I feel a bit like they will have forgotten about me. It’s gonna be weird going back to school... I don’t have to go yet, do I?”

“No, not until you’re ready” Tony said. “If you’re ready in two days, you can go in two days. If you’re ready in two weeks, you can go in two weeks. If you’re ready in a month- well, you get the idea”

“It’s scary to think about it. Daddy and I were talking about some of the toddler stuff earlier” Peter said. “I feel all fuzzy. I’m still trying to understand the whole changeover. I think I’m gonna call uncle Steve at some point and talk to him”

Tony smiled slightly. “Yeah, that might be a nice idea... Have you had lunch?”

Peter nodded.

“What did you have?”

“Broth” Peter pulled a face. “Yuck”

Tony and Loki both laughed slightly.

“He needed something full of goodness” Loki said, in all seriousness. “Broth and a smoothie. It made a good, nutritious lunch”

“Not exactly a tasty one though” Tony said, raising an eyebrow.

“The smoothie was good” Peter said in Loki’s defence.

“Well, anyway” Tony said. “Darling, can I be a little bit selfish for a moment?”

Peter gave him a look, as did Loki.

“You’ve had a morning with daddy, and feel free to say no, but I was wondering if we could spend the afternoon together?” Tony said. “We need to sort out all your toddler stuff, and I was thinking we could do it together”

“If it’s ok with you two” Loki said. “There are a few things I’d like to keep for myself. For my box”

Tony nodded. “Sure... Peter?”

“Ok. I’m gonna go and put some clothes on first, though” he wriggled away from Loki and stood up. “I won’t be long”

“Are you alright walking?” Loki asked, sitting up.

“I’ll manage” Peter said. “My legs are only shaking a little bit”

Tony watched him go, and turned to Loki. He reached out and took his hand.

“Thank you”

“No, thank you” Loki said. “I needed you to kick me into action, and you did. I shouldn’t have avoided you and Peter, and I definitely shouldn’t have taken on those shifts as an excuse to do so. It was very wrong of me. I’m sorry”

“Thank you” Tony squeezed his hand. “You’ve done a very swift u-turn. It’s a relief to see, and I love that you went down to the pool and helped him there. I know how much you hate swimming. How did it go, really?”

“It went well. It did tire him out, and it did hurt his legs, but that was just to be expected. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. He just needs to build his strength up. I’ll keep up with it. I’ve talked to Jo Jo a bit, an-”

“Jo Jo? Why him?”

“He did a rotation on physio, and his housemate works in the department. He’s got some knowledge that I don’t have” Loki said. “He was helpful”

“I see. Well, I trust you with the medical side of this” Tony said. “I’ll let you get on with that, but keep me updated. I’ll help him sort out all the kiddie stuff today, and then we’ll do everything else as a family. Ok?”

Loki nodded. “Ok”

-

Peter sat looking at all of the little clothes on his bedroom floor. A large cardboard box sat beside him. Some clothes were already folded in it, mainly plain clothes.

“There’s a lot here” Peter said. “There’s so much stuff”

“You needed lots. We didn’t know how long you were gonna be little for, and we kinda thought, like, generally, little kids get through more clothes than like, older people. Getting them dirty and stuff. Although, you were generally ok. Sometimes the spare set Loki shoved in the bag came in very useful though”

“Like the time I wet myself at the supermarket?”

“Oh yeah. It was a clown, right?”

“It came out of nowhere and just jumped at me! That’d terrify me even now! I couldn’t stop crying for ages” Peter shook his head slightly. “Daddy shouted at him for scaring me”

Tony chuckled. “Oh yes, he was furious when he told me. He said you were very upset”

“Well yeah. I mean, I was terrified, and then I got upset because I wet myself. It was kinda traumatising”

Tony shook his head. “Poor little Peter”

Peter looked back at the piles of clothes, picking up the teddy bear onesie.

“This is cute”

“I think daddy wants to keep that one” Tony said gently. “Why don’t you set it aside?”

Peter nodded and did so. “There’s a lot of cute stuff here. I think it’d be a bit weird for me to keep any of it, though. Maybe a pair of shoes though, for daddy’s box...”

“Well, that’s up to you” Tony said. “You’ve got those socks Liz sent; they’re good to keep. There’s a few things I’d be tempted to keep, but we’ve got photos of you in all the cutest stuff, so I’m happy with those. Even though it feels a bit strange having the sudden age shift. I think you understand that better than we do”

Peter nodded. “All this stuff is in good condition. I think the charity box will appreciate them”

-

Sorting the clothes was easy, and sorting the kitchen wasn’t too bad either. There were a few kiddie snacks left, but it was all stuff that Peter imagined he’d eat at some point. He did spend a while looking at all of his sippy cups and dining sets. Eventually they decided to keep the cutlery set from Steve, and a couple of the nicest cups. Everything else went into the charity box.

“So, uh, the toys” Peter said. “Will they go to the hospital if we donate them?”

“No” Tony said. “Loki’s already warned me against that one. He said they’re constantly overflowing with donations, to the point where they have to turn them away. No, whatever - if anything - you decide to donate, will just go to the same place as the other stuff”

Peter nodded slowly. “I’ve got some toys in my room. We should sort those ones out first”

-

Peter had already suspected that the toys were going to be the hardest bit, and his suspicions were proved correct. Tony suggested he might like the keep all of the soft toys. There weren’t all that many, and Peter nodded at Tony’s suggestion. However, he took the scarf and monkey from his big Steiff elephant, and threw them in the charity box. He hated monkeys, so he didn’t really know why he’d chosen it. He picked up the little dog in its plastic carry cage and the toy horse and set them on the cabinet beside his Steiff bear and penguin. He hadn’t really cuddled them much, so he felt they were better on his technically-toys-but-definitely-more-ornamental shelf.

“I don’t think I could ever part with my rocket now” Peter said, tucking it under his arm. “I kinda like carrying it around. Is that weird?”

“Maybe it’s just a bit of leftover attachment” Tony said. “You carry it around as much as you like, honey”

They spent a while in the en suite. The unopened kiddie toiletries were put in the box, and they decided they could use the last bits of the opened stuff, so those stayed where they were. If Peter decided he didn’t want to use them, there was always the option of binning them. His toddler toothbrush and toothpaste were binned. The little stepping stool was pushed to the corner of the bathroom, under the radiator. They supposed it could come in useful in the future. The towel and flannel from Steve, and the kids sponges were all kept.

The bath toys were harder. Peter threw everything he hadn’t really liked or played with as a toddler into the box, but it still left - amongst other things - all of his boats, his water wheel, and a whole flock of rubber ducks. He sat on the floor lining everything up. He held the water wheel in his hands, flicking it so that it spun.

“What are you thinking, bambino?”

“I loved this thing”

“Remember what I said, honey” Tony said. “I’m not going to force you to give anything away”

Peter looked round the bathroom. He’d chosen some lovely pictures for the walls, but his shelves were fairly empty, aside from his free-standing little unit where he kept his unopened toiletries. He knelt up and pressed the water wheel to the inner side of the bath.

“I want it”

“Ok”

Peter looked at his boats and rubber toys and ducks. He set the duck that quacked in water on top of the cistern. He lined up his bigger ducks on the ledge by the toilet, and the smaller ones along the edge of the bath. He picked up his boats and put them back in the little toy basket. He put everything else in the charity box. He took a deep breath.

“That’s the bathroom done”

Tony gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Well done. Living room next, chick. You’ve got some big decisions to make”

-

Peter was quiet for a long time, looking through all of his toys.

“I feel bad” he said eventually. “Especially about the stuff my uncles and people bought me. I can’t really get rid of all that, can I?”

“It really is up to you, chonk. You can keep whatever you want to keep”

Peter pushed the toy buggy back and forth a little. He looked at the baby doll strapped into it.

“I loved this little doll”

“You spent hours walking round and round the house pushing that little buggy with your baby doll. You liked getting me to help you bath it and feed it and put it to bed too”

“I remember... I think I wanna keep the baby for now, but only with the buggy. Is that ok?”

“Of course. Like I keep saying; it’s entirely your choice”

Peter had a think, and found everything the Avengers had bought him, separating them from the rest of the toys. He looked at the toy till and all the toy groceries. He looked at the wooden toy food set with the velcro so you could ‘slice’ it with the wooden toy knife. He looked at the tin tea set, at the building blocks and the Stickle Bricks. He looked at marble run.

“Uncle Steve got me a big fairy tale book, right?”

Tony nodded. “Loki thought you might end up tearing it by accident, so it’s in the reading nook. I think your flash cards are in there, too”

Peter emptied out one of the small toy boxes and refilled it with all of the presents from the Avengers.

“These are important” he said. “I can’t let go of these”

Tony nodded. He understood. Truth be told, these were all very successful gifts: Peter had played with each of those toys a lot, and Steve’s practical presents had been very useful too. He was glad Peter was keeping them.

-

Sorting through the rest of the boxes was hard, and time-consuming. Peter looked at all of his toys and play-sets, and he just remembered all of the great games he’d had with them. He felt selfish, like a child who didn’t want to share, but he couldn’t help not wanting to let go.

“Is it selfish of me to want to keep more than I want to give away?”

“It’s your stuff, kiddo”

Peter looked at the piles again and had a really good think, reevaluating the situation. He was happy to part with the various sized toy cars (including the remote control one) and his big train set and his action man van and all the action men and Barbies that went with it. He was happy to part with his jigsaw puzzles and his foam puzzle play mat. He was happy to part with his shape-sorter and doctor set and builder set, not to mention his bucket of letter magnets, his Mr Potato Head, his little basketball hoop, doodle board, and fuzzy felts. After some more thought, he pushed a toy digger, toy phone, a barely-used Play-Doh pack, and a bundle of plastic animals into the ‘donate pile’.

“I was really spoilt” he said, looking at everything.

“I don’t think so” Tony said, picking up a plastic dinosaur. “Kids need a lot of toys. Loki said it’s healthy to have a lot of options. Compared to a lot of kids, this isn’t really a huge amount”

“This is my donate pile” Peter said. “And that’s my keep pile”

“Alright, well, do you wanna have a last look through and make sure you know what’s going where, then?”

Peter had another look, and nodded. “I think I’m sure. I’m definitely keeping these dinosaurs and the dolls house and stuff. I can always change my mind and give them away some other time, right?”

Tony put an arm round Peter’s shoulder. “How do you feel?”

“Like I’m about to cry”

“Do you wanna take a little break?”

Peter took a deep breath and nodded. Tony gave him a little squeeze.

“I thought so. Let’s get a drink, and then we’ll finish up”

-

Peter did have a bit of a cry. Tony was very understanding, and he gave him a cuddle and reiterated that it was all his decision, and that he knew it was a strange situation, but that things did need to be sorted. Peter appreciated his honesty and sentiment, and it helped.

Tony helped pack all of the toys in the ‘donate’ pile into big cardboard boxes. He handed Peter a roll of brown tape.

“Care to do the honours?”

Peter took the roll. He hesitated a moment before closing the boxes and taping them securely shut. He took a deep breath.

“This feels weird. Like a loss”

“I know” Tony said, squeezing his shoulder. “But it’s gotta be done. This is all good stuff, and you’ve been really generous. Now, you need to box up your other pile”

“Can you help?”

“Of course”

Tony helped Peter tidy everything he was keeping into the big toy chest. It all fit neatly, with room to spare. Peter looked at the empty toy boxes beside it.

“What do we do with these?”

“Keep them. We can stick them in the back room for now: they’re bound to come in useful at some point”

“Ok” Peter nodded. “What do we do with the toy chest?”

“Leave it in here, if you want to” Tony said. “It’s neat enough, and there’s more room in here for if you want to get things out again at any point”

“What about the charity boxes?”

“We’ll put them all by the door to the garage” Tony said. “We’ll take them to a drop off point another day”

“Why not today?”

“Well, in case you change your mind about anything over the next couple of days... Sweetheart, there’s something I need to talk to you about”

“What?”

“It’s about... May”

“I didn’t remember her when I was a toddler. You said that”

“Yeah... It’s not that”

Peter looked at him. “Then what?”

“Well, daddy and I kept visiting, of course, like always. But we’ve gone more because... Well, we got talking, and we saw the way other people’s, uh, resting places were set out” he swallowed. “We kinda... upgraded everything”

Peter blinked at him, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“We kept the headstone, because you chose that. But we kinda got it integrated with other stuff, kinda made it... Kinda like some of the ones we saw. Listen, I can explain and describe it till the cows come home, but it’s probably better for you to just...”

“See it?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah. If you don’t like it, we can always change it back, but we talked about it a lot and it felt right, and we got it all sorted. But yeah, if you don’t like it...”

“I don’t wanna see just yet” Peter said. “I wanna wait, and do it the same day we drop all these boxes off. Is that ok?”

“Of course it’s ok. It’s your decision”

Peter looked at him, considering. “...You’re my dad”

Tony blinked a bit. “Uh, yeah, I’m your dad...”

“Daddy told me about your argument, y’know, about the reversal and stuff. I understand both of your points of view, but I don’t really know what I would’ve chosen if I were you. It’s hard to figure it out”

“I get that. At the end of the day, most of us just kinda thought that if you were turned into a child by accident, there was no right to keep you as one on purpose. Like, it shouldn’t’ve happened. We would’ve prevented it if we could’ve, so of course we were gonna reverse it when we could. Does that make sense?”

“I think so. I think you were working on logic, and daddy was working on... Not logic”

“It’s all over and done with now” Tony hugged him close. “You don’t need to think about the why’s and what-ifs. We just need to get back to normal”

“Daddy’s still annoyed at you”

“Don’t be silly, chicken. What makes you think that?”

“He’s calling you Anthony. He only does that when he’s upset with you”

Tony sighed. “Don’t worry about all that, chick. We’ll work through things. We always do”

-

Peter felt a lot more relaxed that evening, and he didn’t feel smothered or like he wanted to avoid people anymore. He sat on Tony’s lap, their chests pressed together, and Tony held him tight and rocked him gently. Loki sat at the other side of the sofa, his nose in a book.

“We should start thinking about tea” Tony said, rubbing Peter’s back. “We’ve been a bit slack the last few days. Maybe we could order something in”

“What kinda something?” Peter asked.

“Whatever you like” Tony said. “Call it a treat. It’d be nice”

Peter turned his head, looking at Loki. “Daddy?”

Loki looked up from his book. “Yes?”

“What do you want for tea?”

“I’m not fussy” Loki said. “You can choose”

Peter settled back against Tony, thinking. He wasn’t sure how hungry he was. He didn’t really want to order pizza, because he had a feeling he wouldn’t finish it. He didn’t really like Indian, and every time they had a Chinese there was always loads left over that usually ended up going to waste. He didn’t want a kebab or a chicken burger or any of the usual greasy takeaway stuff. 

“I don’t really know what I want” he said eventually. 

“Well, if you don’t want a takeaway, we could always go out to eat?” Tony suggested. “We could-”

“Halloumi” Peter said suddenly. “Do you remember that fancy looking place we went to on holiday, and I had that burger that was like, halloumi sticks and hummus and lettuce and tomato, and I had a macaroni cheese fritter added? That was so nice”

“I think that’s a little above my area of expertise, chick”

“What about goats cheese? Like, when it’s all warm and breaded, and you have it in a salad?”

“Ah, well that’s something I know how to do! Is that what you want?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, and I want that chocolate fried brioche thing for pudding”

“Uuh, I don’t think we’ve got any brioche, chick”

“We have” Loki said. “It’s a loaf though”

“Oh. That’ll probably work just as well” Tony said. “Alright then, chick, I’m gonna have to move you: I need to go and play at being Gordon Ramsay”

-

After tea, Peter curled up on Tony’s bed with his parents. He didn’t go into Tony’s room very often at all, so it felt a little odd - but not in a bad way. He felt good, cuddled between his dads, his rocket in his arms and a blanket round him. 

“Do you miss toddler me?”

“Yes” Loki said.

“A bit” Tony admitted. “But I’m really glad to have you back. I missed you a lot while you were tiny”

“It’s a little bit strange” Loki said. “Because you were always there, but you’re very different now to how you were as a toddler, so it was a little bit like you were a different person altogether”

“I’m still getting used to it” Peter said. “I can’t believe I spent four months as a toddler. It’s super weird”

“You’ll get your head round it eventually” Tony said. “We can talk about it as much a you like. Or as little. Whatever. We’ll work though it together”

“At least... Kindsprengen’s gun wasn’t exactly dangerous. At least it was a gun that just made me little, and not a gun that could’ve killed me, right? At least I didn’t get hurt”

“Exactly” Loki said. “You didn’t remember being big while you were little, but you weren’t hurt or negatively affected. It wasn’t an easy or ideal situation, but at least you were safe”

“There’s something I don’t understand” Peter said. “I got a bit hurt that day, while we were out fighting, like these cuts on my head and stuff. But why were they still there when I got turned big again? It’s weird, isn’t it? Surely they would’ve healed?”

“Well” Tony exchanged a look with Loki. “When you turned little, all those cuts and stuff were gone. We didn’t understand that either. Maybe it’s just one of those things”

“Maybe... Wait! This means that the world hasn’t seen Spiderman for four months! What if-”

“Don’t worry about that” Tony said quickly. “You father is very talented with his illusions. As far as the world knows, Spiderman has still been out and about. There’s some videos knocking about that I can show you”

“Oh” Peter said, visibly relaxing. “That was a cool idea. I didn’t think you’d consider it”

“Dad asked me to do it” Loki said. “He said you’d worry about it otherwise”

Peter went quiet for a moment. He looked down at his tummy, where either parent had rested an arm. He put his hands on theirs. 

“You know how some people ask if you feel like you missed out because you adopted me when I was older? Well, now you can truthfully say you knew me when I was a toddler”

Tony laughed slightly. “Well, you’re not wrong”

“You’re really good parents, you know” Peter said. “I really was happy as a toddler. But I’m happy now, too. That’s kinda because of you two, right?”

“You know we always want to do our best by you” Loki said. “We’ll always be your parents”

“Exactly” Tony said. “We’ll work through everything with you, no matter what”

“And do you want to know another thing?” Loki said. “Just because you’re big again, there’s one thing that doesn’t change”

Peter looked at him. “What?”

Loki and Tony looked at each other, and smiled.

“You’ll always be our baby boy”

*

*

[piano-and-voice]

November 28, 2017.

It’s 6:22 pm.

I’m waiting for Steve to come home so we can cook dinner together (things have been pretty fucking rough for us the last few weeks with his mother’s cancer surgery, his terrible time with his boss, my restlessness) so this is a good time to start posting.

I’m really unsatisfied with my job in so many ways. Some of my clients bore me, some are just fucking irritating and so frozen/stuck I get so frustrated at their seeming-helplessness. I’m bored about reading about psychology, trauma, therapeutic work, new research blah blah fucking blah. One of the things I was most looking forward to in this career was how much learning/reading/upgrading is necessary, but holy fuck. Some of it is so repetitive, and honestly? So much suffering comes simply from capitalism/colonialism. Without those, there would be very little mental health issues in this world. Anyway, this is all to say that I really need a change, and it might be a pretty significant one. And that terrifies me. Steve has a lot of trauma-shit around money, and since I’m not making a ton, he pays for all the household stuff - the mortgage, bills, groceries, everything. Dude almost makes six figures, and I moved to this 30,000-person town for him, so that feels pretty fair, especially while building up a practice.

But if I change course now, I feel guilty. The agreement was for him to do this while I work on building up my practice again. Also, being financially dependent on someone at 40 feels fucking terrible. So, I still want to make my own money, which at this point is paying off my visa that somehow ballooned to $3,000, as well as the $1,800 I still owe our line of credit for my piano. Stopping working is not an option. I want to buy a car after learning to drive, I want to be able to have some autonomy. My job as it is at this point is an absolute necessity.

How I spend my time beyond that is what I have control over. My schedule is embarrassingly sweet. Here it is:

Mondays: off Tuesdays: 1:00-6-ish (4 clients max) Wednesdays: sometimes a 10:00 client, a lesson at 12:00, then clients from 2:30-6-ish (4 clients max) Thursdays: 12:00-6ish (sometimes! Sometimes it’s a 1:15 client, then a 3:30 client, and that’s it!) (4 clients max) Fridays: 12:00-6-ish (4 clients max) Saturdays: off Sundays: off

Wednesdays are a day when I really can’t do much else than what I already do. So, I’m going to just leave that day alone. Every other weekday though, I have until noon free. Here is how I mostly spend it at this point (god damn this accountability shit STINGS):

- sleeping in until 9-ish - having some breakfast - puttering online - tumblr, facebook, twitter trifecta and now animal crossing as well - eating some lunch

Here is how I’m spending my evenings:

- having/making some kind of dinner - same as before online - having a tub - feeling deeply guilty and ashamed of not doing anything

I’m not okay with most of this (eating is necessary as is making the food, having a bath is nice). For a while (and I’m still trying to do this) I had a list of things to do on google calendar on my phone and for every day I did all of them, I got to put $5 towards another dress on eshakti. I have $15 so far, that’s it.

One of my issues is having somewhat unrealistic expectations for a single day. Another issue is then doing none of it. Another issue may be having too many things I want to do - as in, even if I had a realistic idea of what I could do on any given day, I have too many things I want to do, so none of them are done often enough to gain traction.

Here are the things I have been saying I need to do, daily:

- nose care - skin care - do physio/chiro exercises - practice piano - practice singing - read about either music theory, music therapy, or work on the paper I’m supposed to be working on to get published, based on my thesis

I also want to go to the gym/go swimming three times a week. My body just has to do this in order to keep functioning at this point.

When I look at this list, it doesn’t seem unreasonable in the schedule I have? Does this seem unreasonable?Like I said, maybe on Wednesdays it might be a big much (my only 10-6, 8-hour day)

As I’m writing this out, I’m reminded that I recently have stopped really watching TV or movies. We only put something on once we’re in bed, to fall asleep to. Steve needs the TV on all night or he has terrible nightmares, I wear ear plugs, so I only hear about half a show before I roll over and stuff them in my ears. This has freed up a lot of time, but the internet I think has eaten it up. I try to change my internet habits and they slide right on back to where they were. Sometimes in a day, sometimes in a few weeks, but so far, nothing has worked to change them. And I think that, plus an earlier wake up time are necessary for making more room.

I also have this thing about feeling like I don’t have enough time to do something. If I work in two hours? Then I believe I don’t have enough time to practice. But, I’m only practicing singing for about a half an hour, and at this point with piano, I can’t practice more than that either. That’s an hour. And I leave for work about twenty minutes before I start. That would still leave me with 40 minutes. I have this brain fizzle/shut down/not exactly panic, but I can maybe feel my the fear-induced limbic “stay with your old habits” system kick in. Why couldn’t my parents have been less crazy/intense about getting places on time? I absolutely learned this from them - my sister was able to unlearn, so I can too.

When I try to make new systems, this is what I do: I make it, and I make it un-moveable. If it fails, I abandon it. Sometimes I abandon it before it can fail. What I need to do: create a schedule and treat it like a hypothesis. The hypothesis being: this system will work. Like any science, failure is ok and is just information. But, you have to see it through for a long enough length of time to see if it is a) effective, and b) doable (effective here being “does it create the gains I want” and do-able being “can I stick with it/is it sustainable”) If it needs tinkering, try again, change a variable, but not more than one or then you won’t know what works.

Ok, this is what I’m going to do tonight:

1. Create a schedule for two weeks and stick to it as best as possible, noting where shit goes sideways and for what reason I think it might be doing so 2. Practice singing for half an hour because I have a lesson tomorrow at noon.

[lexiewrites]

2016 Meme

1:What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? I tried a bunch of new things in 2016 - went to a bunch of YA book events alone, which was a big deal for me. Mostly, I just tried to get out of my routine and rut. Explore and enjoy that I live in the city.

2:Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope, I’m done with idea of resolutions, that you can only improve yourself at a certain time. I’m embracing the idea that I can start something new whenever I want. 

3:Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope.

4:Did anyone close to you die? Nope, I fear 2017 is the year that I’ll be losing some people, though.

5:What countries did you visit? Didn’t leave Australia.

6:What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016: Better health, mental and physical. Weightloss. A degree, lol. A path forward doing something I love. 

7: What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I can’t think of any specific ones. 

8:What was your biggest achievement of the year? I absolutely smacked like 5/6 of my classes out of the park with really good marks. I’m so happy my marks are finally beginning to reflect the work I put in and the lessons I’ve learnt. 

9:What was your biggest failure? My weight is still bad. My anxiety is off the charts. That really sucks. 

10:Did you suffer illness or injury? Does fucking up my neck/shoulder to the tune of 1k in treatment count, due to uni stress? And the crippling anxiety? 

11:What was the best thing you bought? I’m pretty stoked by some of my Gorman purchases on FB and eBay. Unless you’re ‘into’ Gorman, it doesn’t sound like much, but I snagged most of the pieces from the Walala collab that I didn’t buy in Summer 15/16 in-store through eBay and FB and that made me very happy; I think I ended up paying less than retail for all but two pieces. I also got an ottoman that folds into a bed for guests that I named Otto from the Ottoman Empire that I’m very fond of. 

12:Whose behaviour merited celebration? No one I know. 

13:Whose behaviour made you appalled? Lots of family members, almost every politician I can think of, and a few celebrities. 

14:Where did most of your money go? Food, physio for my neck/shoulder, Gorman. 

15:What did you get really, really, really excited about? YAFest, Civil War, Avengers Academy App XD

16:What song will always remind you of 2016? Maybe ‘Youngblood’ from the Jem and the Holograms movie? Wait, according to Spotify, it was ‘Upside Down and Inside Out’ by OK Go

17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? © richer or poorer? Sadder, the same, richer in that I’ve leant my parents a lot of money they’ll pay me back - it’s like a savings account ;)

18:What do you wish you’d done more of? Exercise and write. 

19:What do you wish you’d done less of? Worried. 

20:How did you spend Christmas? At home. My father brought my grandparents over for lunch. It’s not a particularly festive or memorable way to spend the holidays, tbh. 

21:Did you fall in love in 2016? Not with people. 

22:What was your favourite TV program? Well, Archer has to be up there because I discovered that, watched all the episodes in like 3 days, and then watched it on a loop for like 4 months. And Agent Carter’s second season was awesome, and I enjoyed most of Luke Cage. 

23:Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No one specific. I have a general ‘people irritate me’ policy at the best of times, but no one agitated me enough for me to devote the energy to ‘hating’ them. 

24:What was the best book you read? Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake. Girl knows how to world build. 

25:What was your greatest musical discovery? I don’t think I really made any artist discoveries, just kind of curated a good collection of songs. 

26:What did you want and get? Good marks at uni; Gorman x Walala Rice Dress, Arcade Raincoat & Shorts, Rice Tote; Gorman Harlequin Rice Dress; Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake; and an adorable hair cut.  

27:What did you want and not get? A slim body, rainbow hair, a bedside table, a puppy, freedom from mental illness, Gorman Circus skirt, and one of Massimo’s mini black forest cakes. 

28:What was your favourite film of this year? A few. Deadpool was amazing, I actually really liked Alice: Through the Looking Glass, and Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. 

29:What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Finally getting the marks that I knew I could get at uni, and not suffering because of a shit computer or a breakdown in communication between departments. 

30:How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? Neat, practical and feminine. 

31:What kept you sane? Archer on a continual loop and fan fiction. 

32:Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Sebastian Stan or Chris Evans. I’m not even embarrassed anymore.

33:What political issue stirred you the most? Any time an Australian politician tries to take on mental illness or the publishing industry, I get pretty riled. I don’t talk about Australian politics much, simply because I think all of the parties are fairly despicable and impractical (at best), and a lot of people I know are incredibly strong supporters of a certain party. 

34:Who did you miss? I miss times and places, but none of the people who are necessary were absent from my life, which was good. 

35:Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016. Everything looks better in an InDesign presentation.

36:Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Is there ever a time when this question isn’t the worst-sounding cliche?

If I can light the world up for just one day Watch this madness, colorful charade No one can be just like me any way

- Pink, Just Like Fire