#ok on a kind of related note. so i kinda disappeared from socials for a while which i think y'all have noticed

[drowsydregon]

i can't wait to make my epix comeback (<<< has been sitting on like. 13 minifigure redesigns bc i still have abt. 11-13 more to do)

[asterlark]

ok. samwell college of music au. i wrote all four years let's go babey

eric bittle is this lovely southern tenor (sounds kinda like mitch grassi or ben j pierce) who posts covers (& sometimes originals, but always with neutral or no pronouns because he can't post anything that says he or him ☹) on his youtube channel and has major stage fright but is very talented; he also plays ukulele

he got into samwell college of music on a voice scholarship and his dad doesn’t exactly approve but eric was never the 6′2″ masculine football player he wanted anyway so why not go for his dreams

he auditions for the very competitive samwell men’s contemporary chorus (there’s like 20 choirs; chamber choir, jazz choir, a cappella groups (lax bros do a cappella), combined choirs, etc- smcc does contemporary pop/rock music) and while he’s very very nervous and shaky as he auditions, directors hall & murray see a lot of potential in him (with major grumbling from student director jack)

(the rest of this ridiculously long au under the cut)

the group is small, for a chorus, because the point of the group is not a wall of sound but a focus on all of the very talented guys’ voices coming together in these gorgeous harmonies and basically they’re like one of the best choruses on campus and all the male singers want in

so there’s jack zimmermann, who of course eric knows because everyone knows who he is, he’s the son of bob and alicia zimmermann, both incredibly talented and famous musicians, and basically those genes were in his favor because he’s mega fucking talented

(jack was supposed to sign a recording contract to be in a band with his best friend kent parson when he was 17 but something happened between them and the pressure was too much and jack overdosed on something- there’s so many rumors no one knows what’s real- and kent signed solo in LA & went on to win grammys for his albums about a mysterious ex and jack disappeared for a few years to be a counselor at a music camp and reappears at samwell, knocking everyone’s socks off again like he’d never left, except with a renewed vigor and intenseness that freaks everyone out)

jack is a contemporary writing & production major, freaky talented and sings like a modern day frank sinatra, and he plays like 20 instruments and can read music like breathing air and writes songs like if he stopped he’d die; his music is folksy and mournful and he plays all the instruments on his tracks himself- guitar, piano, strings, drums- it sounds like a full band but nope. just jack. he’s intense

“we all get nicknames in this choir,” justin informs eric on his first day, “we’re those kinda guys.” so he’s bitty, which he finds vaguely offensive (bc he’s not that short!) but still cute, & the rest of the group is introduced to him:

“shitty” knight (voice like colyer) is a musical education major and an enigma of a singer with this awesome, earthy, raspy voice that’s really interesting to listen to and a very.... unique style & look; he writes cheesy but shockingly good raps about social justice topics and he will sing-lecture you if you’ve said something offensive (he also plays banjo)

justin “ransom” oluransi is a music business & management major with an angelic voice you can’t help but listen to; he’s sultry and has an incredible range and does runs like nobody’s business (with a voice like daniel caesar or leslie odom jr UGH)

adam “holster” birkholtz is a voice performance major, wants to be on broadway and it’s all he ever goddamn talks about basically, he’s a belter and has a lot of charisma and starpower and he’ll charm the pants off of you within one note; can also play piano and irritates everyone constantly because his regular volume is like a level 11 (voice like the frontman of my brothers and i combined w/ x ambassadors lead singer)

larissa “lardo” duan is at the local art institute because performing arts is not her jam and she’d much rather paint; she’s a barista at annie’s and supervises open mic nights and keeps the annoying choir dudes from driving away all her patrons

“i’m not even in your dumbass choir,” she says when the group gave her her nickname. holster just told her that she was an honorary member and then started sing-shouting a song at her about how good she is

bitty’s first year is hard because he’s talented and he works hard but he shies away when anyone asks him to sing outside the group and like, he can sing to a camera by himself but being on a stage with everyone looking at you and the sole responsibility of the song on your shoulders is terrifying and no thanks

jack does not. understand this. he’s been performing practically since he came out of the womb and he doesn’t really get performance nerves (what he gets is anxiety about how he did after he gets off stage that follows him home and makes it so he can’t sleep) - so he bothers bitty about it constantly like “you just need practice, you just have to sing by yourself a lot and then you’ll get over it” which like.... that’s true but it’s also hella scary and bitty’s like “no thanks!!!!”

but jack’s annoying and intense so he makes bitty do open mic with him every saturday night and it’s going okay and bitty loves his choir and loves his school and these new friends he’s making and he finally feels comfortable enough to come out to them during his second term

then during their spring choral showcase at the end of his freshman year bitty has a solo and he’s worked really hard on it and he’s feeling good- okay he’s completely freaked out but he’s trying to feel good- but when he gets up on stage there’s so many people and the stage lights are so hot on his face and he flips out a little and maybe he passes out from anxiety and stress right on stage and it’s terrible and he’s so embarrassed and ashamed that he ruined their set at the showcase

of course jack blames himself because “we shouldn’t have given you a solo before you were ready, i misjudged it, i’m sorry” - and they all feel kinda bad bc holy fuck they didn’t know his stage fright was that bad like they didn’t know someone could pass out just by being anxious to sing

he practices all the time over the summer and goes to his local open mic at jack’s insistence and it actually helps a lot because instead of a sea of strangers judging him it’s a bunch of people he knows and they’re all smiling at him and when he finishes his song they cheer for him and it boosts his self-confidence a lot

his sophomore year they have three new members- chris ”chowder” chow (voice like ieuan), an excitable music education major with impressive rapping skills, derek "nursey" nurse (frank ocean or leon bridges type), a songwriting major who can also play violin and guitar, and will ”dex” poindexter (like tom west), a production & engineering major who tried out with chowder bc he needed moral support and didn't expect to get in but impressed the directors with his voice

the year’s going pretty good, bitty’s still pretty scared of singing alone but more confident now and the open mic nights with jack haven’t stopped, so he’s getting better. and one night they’re hanging out at annie’s after closing waiting for lardo to be done so they can walk her home, and bitty suggests that jack sing with him one of these nights, and jack says he doesn’t know any of bitty’s songs and bitty says they can write one together half jokingly but then jack is like “yes.” with that Intense Look

SO they get together a couple days later in jack’s room at the house they all live in together (bitty moved in at the beginning of the year after previous smcc member john johnson called him- how’d he get his number?- and told him he could take his room if he wanted), jack with his guitar and bitty with his ukulele, and it’s a little awkward until bitty says jack should play him one of his songs

and, okay, he doesn’t really know what to expect because the only music jack ever released to the public was that one single he did with kent parson when they were 17 so bitty doesn’t even know if he has anything to play him, but he does- he starts playing these soft, sad notes on the guitar and opens his mouth and sings about being lonely and scared and unsure, about false starts and shaky ground and not knowing where you stand with someone, about expectations and lying awake at night and wishing so hard you were someone else, and bitty watches him sing and just kind of... realizes he’s head over heels for this boy and internally Freaks Out a little

he tries to put that aside and they start to write this song, at first it’s weird because jack’s like “all your songs are love songs i can’t really relate to happy love songs” and bitty’s like “listen... i’ve never even had a boyfriend i just write a bunch of sappy love stuff because it’s not about me it’s about whoever’s listening to it, they’re gonna project their own experiences on my music anyway so it doesn’t matter if it’s my real life or not” and jack’s like “alright while fake af that’s smart and i respect you” (what bitty doesn't say is that he writes about what he really wants which is to fall in love & be in a happy relationship)

they say they’re just gonna write this kinda vague sad song but they both secretly write lines about their actual lives so it ends up being really personal and real and raw for the both of them

they sing the song at open mic that saturday and the crowd at annie’s is never that big but they’ve never got a standing ovation here before, and some girl shouts “MAKE AN ALBUM” (it may or may not be lardo) and they both blush furiously and bitty’s like “... that was really nice, jack” and jack’s like “... yeah it was good good job you’re really getting some confidence out there nice work” (bitty: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AAAAH”)

around this time jack’s really thinking about what he’s gonna do when he’s done at samwell, talking with his parents and his agent and looking into different record companies and deciding if he wants to sign with anyone or possibly start his own company- the head of a small company called falcon records in rhode island has been talking to him a lot, and jack talks to bitty about how he thinks it’d be nice to start small, and the record exec georgia and the producer marty had both been really nice and welcoming, and bitty’s so happy for him but also just... sad that he won’t be around jack every day after he graduates

THEN at a haus party celebrating their win of a local choral competition, who shows up but none other than pop star kent parson to Ruin The Fun

bitty sees the way jack pales when kent walks in, notices them disappear upstairs together and feels a little sick worrying about jack but chalks it up to the highly alcoholic concoction shitty and lardo had cooked up but nonetheless decides he’s sick of the party and goes up to his room and hears.... a little too much

and YIKES he’s standing right there and kent parson, pop star, two-time grammy winner, is looking a little rumpled and staring right at him and he puts his hat on and clears his throat and snaps at jack- “hey. well. call me if you reconsider. but good luck with rhode island. ...i’m sure that’ll make your parents proud.” and jack’s shaking, and bitty doesn’t know what to do but jack goes back into his room and bitty’s just kind of standing there like What The Fuck

so.... he kind of stews over winter break but tries not to think about it too much and he and jack text a bit and jack tells him to practice and bitty’s like “oh, you” and jack’s like “im serious” and bitty’s like “>:( it’s christmas”

spring semester starts and they're doing well in competitions and they go to semifinals and then finals for a prestigious collegiate choir competition and the pressure is mounting but they all are so optimistic and really feel like they're on the same page and bitty’s confidence is better than ever and then.... they don't win

jack especially takes it very hard, but then he also has signing to worry about, which everyone helps him with and he decides to sign with falcon records and start work on an album after graduation

speaking of graduation, shitty and jack graduate and it's hard for them but harder for bitty who feels like he's losing jack in a way, he knows how intense jack gets when he's making music and it doesn't feel like he'll have any time for bitty anymore so when they say goodbye bitty goes back to the haus and listens to his and jack's song and just cries

but, like in canon, dadbob has words of wisdom to impart and jack has an "oh" moment and races across campus to kiss bitty

they get together and the next few months are spent with jack working nonstop on his album (which tbh, he'd had many of the songs written already so it's mostly recording and producing) and texting bitty constantly and coming to visit him and playing him demos of all the songs

jack also asks bitty if they can record the song they wrote together & have it as a bonus track on his album & bitty says of course, so when jack visits they set up an impromptu studio and record vocals in the guest bedroom and this deeply personal song they wrote before they were ever together means so much more to them now

and bitty is so happy but so scared and sad too because jack is playing him these songs telling him "they're all for you bits, & a lot of them are about you" and he just doesn't know how he's going to keep all this love inside even though it feels like jack's career is at stake

he tries to shove it down and stay strong though, especially since he's now an upperclassman and they're taking on new members- connor "whiskey" whisk (voice like finneas or the male singer in valley), a music business/ management major who seems to hate bitty's guts and tony "tango" tangredi (like chaz cardigan), a jazz composition major who astounds everybody with his endless questions but also his ridiculously impressive composition skills & naturally perfect pitch (he can also play saxophone??)

i want ford in this au so fuck it she is a composition major with dreams to write scores for musicals and she stars training as a barista at annie's (aka training to corral the smcc)

the pressure of it all proves to be a lot and bitty and jack have their hi, honey moment where bitty's like i can't be this deep in the closet!!! and so they tell the smcc and also jack's label that they're together and that eases things a bit

jack's album comes out to much critical acclaim and shouting in the groupchat ("#1 ON ITUNES BRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!") and several months later, when smcc has already been eliminated from choral competition in an earlier round, jack is nominated for SEVERAL grammys including best album, song of the year, and best new artist

when the time comes he takes his parents and bitty on the red carpet which, everyone keeps being like "who are you here with jack?" and he's like "my family and my good friend :)" and yes it is awkward

jack wins... all three awards. it's the comeback everyone is stoked to see and when his third win is announced, he and bitty are so elated that they kiss before he goes to accept the award

his speech is basically just "um... wow. thank you. i just kissed my boyfriend on live tv. this is amazing and i'm so humbled. i'd like to thank my boyfriend and georgia and marty and my parents and my friends and my boyfriend"

obviously the press has a FIELD DAY with this but bitty & jack are honestly vibing and so happy that it doesn't matter untiiiillll bitty's mom calls and he has to tell her "mama i'm gay and i'm going on tour with jack this summer okloveyoubye"

the last few months of bitty's junior year pass quickly and he's voted student director which is a huge honor considering how much he struggled with stage fright and confidence & how he'll now be stepping into ransom & holster's shoes

r&h and lardo all graduate (the smcc basically crashes the art school graduation and all scream when lardo gets her diploma lmao), which is a bittersweet occasion and they all do a bit of tearing up

that summer bitty goes on tour across the u.s. & canada with jack and his touring band (snowy is a bassist, tater is a drummer and poots does backing guitar, he also brings nursey to play violin on a few songs) as well as georgia who's there to manage logistics

and tour is so fun & chaotic with many bi and rainbow flags in the audience that end up thrown on stage and draped around jack's neck and they spend so many nights in the bus drinking and laughing and fooling around on the guitars and bitty's uke and exploring new cities bitty has never been to before and it's the freest bitty has felt in a long time

summer ends though, and jack leaves for the uk/europe leg of the tour, and with the new school year brings a few new members- river "bully" bullard (voice like gregory alan isakov), a music therapy major who draws his own cover art for his songs, lukas "louis" landmann (like jr jr), an electronic production and design major with a penchant for EDM, and johnathan "hops" hopper (like keiynan lonsdale), a film scoring major who wants to write music for movies and video games

bitty meets and befriends some of the other student directors- shruti, sd of the women’s contemporary chorus; sharon, sd of the chamber choir; and edgar, sd of jazz ensemble (even chad l., sd of the all-male a cappella group)

senior year passes similarly to the comic; coach visits and sees one of bitty’s competitions, jack comes to madison for christmas, smcc does well in competition and goes to regionals etc

however… bitty keeps putting off and putting off gathering the songs for his senior recital

he has a hard time doing that because he’s so focused on the group and making sure they’re performing well and as they advance in competition, everything else starts to fall away

eventually the rest of the smcc has to lock away his uke and change his youtube password and FORCE him to choose songs for it and start preparing because he cannot graduate without doing this recital and doing well on it

he chooses (of course) a beyonce song, a few of his own songs, an ellie goulding song, and an adele song

with all that his breath hitches and his hands shake before he goes on stage, he does really well and his voice instructor prof atley tears up a little in the audience as does his mom

meanwhile smcc goes to semifinals, then finals, of the national collegiate choral competition they participate in

and i imagine bitty faces somewhat less homophobia in this au because i mean, he’s in the performing arts, but i think it’s still there and he also faces a good amount of classism from richer students and performers who think they’re better because they had the resources and money to be performing professionally from a very young age, and he has been practicing via filming himself on a shitty camcorder and posting it to youtube

but they still get there! and the national finals are fucking HUGE and a big deal and a little overwhelming

bitty’s stage fright is Present because this is the biggest stage and the biggest stakes he's ever had and he has a big solo in one of their songs so if he fucks up, he fucks up a national championship for his whole group and school

luckily though, when he steps on the stage with his best friends and sees his boyfriend and family and smcc alums in the audience and they perform their first song, a high-energy pop medley that always gets the crowd going, everything seems to melt away and it's just him living in this moment and singing his heart out

when it gets to the next song and his solo, he forgets to be nervous and belts it out, getting screams of approval from the audience when he finishes

(dex and nursey do have a duet together that they had to practice for many long nights in the practice rooms alone but that's neither here nor there)

their time on stage seems to last both hours and no time at all and then they're done, the crowd gives them a standing ovation and it's at least 30% r&h & shitty's hooting and hollering and jack's enthusiastic clapping that makes bitty & the others beam with pride

then it's just waiting, giddy and nervous beyond belief in their green room, for the judging to be over

after what feels like forever they're back on stage, arms linked together waiting and hoping for their name to be called and it is, they win and it feels like years have built up to this moment, and bitty tears up because years ago when he was fainting from anxiety at having to perform in front of people he never could've imagined that he'd do this, that he'd be the student director that led them to a championship

they get the trophy and a ridiculous amount of flowers from their loved ones and they all are just in giddy disbelief that this is happening, they're national champs!!! they are the best choir boys in the nation!!

they come home and the rest of the school year passes by so quickly that it's very suddenly graduation and bitty can't believe his college career at samwell is over 😢

(he and ollie and wicky take pictures together, o&w talk about how excited they are to devote full time attention to their band & wedding planning and bitty's just like wait you're gay??)

bitty got plenty of offers from record companies but he likes his freedom of creativity and he has a built in fanbase from doing youtube all these years so he decides to make an album independently (jack helps him produce & master it 🥰)

when bitty's album comes out about a year later, full of bops about being gay and in love and having struggled but come out the other side more confident than ever, it doesn't get any grammy nominations- and he didn't expect or need that.

what it does do is it resonates. it makes the rounds in youtube and queer internet circles; people his age reach out to him saying this is the music they wish they had as a kid and kids reach out to him saying he's a role model and they're so glad to have his music to listen to. his album is written about as an underrated gem that shines with queer brilliance and is sure to start a party when it comes on.

his parents may not fully understand the road he's chosen for himself but they're still so proud and promote the album as hard as any of his loyal fans (especially the one country-inspired song on the album that he wrote and dedicated to them).

and jack, jack who saw this album from its infancy to its release date, who took the film photo that ended up being the album cover, who worked with bitty to make sure his vision was realized exactly how he wanted it to be, is proud beyond words.

jack starts using his semi-abandoned twitter again to tweet "stream [album name]" every day and bitty retweets them sometimes, with just a "this boy. ❤"

and they're happy. they're good. they have come so far and they are reaping the rewards of all the hard work they put in to make the music that they truly love.

the end :)

[lightanddarklove]

SU: Future - The Best Mother and Doctor I can be Ch 1

First thing to note, I don't think Dr. Maheswaran let Greg leave the hospital without giving Greg a stern talking to about not having insurance or healthcare for Steven, which led to talking about Greg's situation as a new parent, and his parents. So that comes up when they talk.

Secondly, to make things easier, Greg had previously used some of the money he got after purchasing the Dondai to get Steven's citizenship in order. With that kind of money, you can make citizen issues disappear, which allows for Steven to have a legal license as of Steven Universe The Movie. The reason Steven's medical history has no social security number is Steven had no reason to know it. Greg got all of the DMV paperwork taken care of for him, and since Steven has never had a normal job, he has no paperwork he has to fill it out which would require it. So its simply a lack of knowledge on Steven's part. This is just to make the idea of Greg getting Steven insured less complicated. Feel free to use this HC if you like but if you wanna send me a recommendation from your readers, I'd super appreciate it.

Thirdly, I am no medical professional so Steven’s diagnosis is not to be treated as 100% accurate, he is going to be diagnosed by experts and Priyanka is the first step to getting him what he needs. The diagnoses are based on other people’s meta and what was discussed in the show.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

Content Warnings: Depression, PTSD, Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, Self-Esteem Issues, Car Accident, Childhood Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Sleep Issues, Canon-Typical Violence Discussions

Dr. Maheswaran would consider Greg Universe a friend. Before the whole truth of what happened to Steven came to light, she had considered him a good parent. At this point, she is fuming; Steven has a gaggle of family and not one of them saw fit to take care of him the way in he needed. She is stepping in to give this boy a fighting chance of some normalcy.

Priyanka centric. Angst with eventual comfort.

It had been 6 days since Dr. Maheswaran had seen Steven Universe in the hospital. It was surprising to not have heard anything from Greg or the Gems, especially since the doctor had given Greg an earful regarding Steven’s healthcare, but Connie texted her mother that day with cause for concern.

I’m going over to his house. I finally talked to him and I think there’s something wrong. I don’t think he’s being honest with me, her text read.

Not being honest with her? I don’t like the sound of that, the doctor thought. She was lucky she had a break in her shift when the text came in and she replied right away.

What do you mean? Dr. Maheswaran replied. Please keep me posted, and no going out into space overnight without coming home first.

Ok mom, Connie’s response read. I just mean he was being dodgy when I asked him some things. I’m worried and I’m going to get to the bottom of it.

Dr. Maheswaran stared at her daughter’s reply, frowning. That’s incredibly vague, she thought. Either he’s seeing other people after proposing to Connie, or my diagnosis needs a follow-up immediately. She put those thoughts aside before continuing her shift, but her concern lingered, listening out for any pages over the hospital’s loudspeaker that mentioned the name Universe.

Once the workday was over, Dr. Maheswaran checked her phone again. Connie’s reply came in about an hour before, reading: I’m staying over. He’s had a really rough day. Dr. Maheswaran was astonished at her daughter’s bold reply. All the gems and his dad are here. You don’t have to worry about anything happening.

What in the world is going on? The doctor thought. She’s not asking permission; she’s assuming that this is ok to disregard the rules because of extenuating circumstances, and she isn’t telling me why. How can she expect me to just say yes? Dr. Maheswaran furrowed her brow as she walked to her car and unlocked the door. Before immediately jumping to conclusions, she decided to check her other messages to ensure that the Gems or Greg didn’t send over any more pertinent details that would make this at all less disconcerting. Her texts read mostly normally: an invite to a dinner party next week, a reminder for a seminar that she had signed up for, political spam message, and a text from Doug, that started Honey, don’t get too worked up...

Oh yes Doug, perfect way to make me worry less, she thought sarcastically. She opened the text, frowning as she sat in the driver’s seat.

Honey, don’t get too worked up but Connie asked if she could stay over Steven’s house tonight, and I said ok. Now I know you’re worried since they’re teenagers, but she assured me that she wouldn’t be alone with him for any extended period of time since all the gems are there and apparently they’re nervous to let him out of their sight. Something gem related happened and although I didn’t get all the details it took a toll on him. The message continued in a second text. Greg said Steven was exhausted. I wouldn’t trust it if Greg hadn’t assured me there would be no funny business and Connie would be sleeping on the couch. She already has a plan for which of her classmates would bring her notes and assignments after school tomorrow and she’s stopping by the house to pick up her books as soon as Steven’s asleep. See you when you get home, Priya.

Priyanka looked over both texts a second time, making sure she wasn’t missing something. It seemed like the orderly structure as parents she and Doug had planned for was being shelved for some still unknown reason. Connie, don’t you see this is a big ask, she thought, and Doug, how can you just roll over on this? What is going on? She closed her messages and opened her contacts. She selected Connie from her favorites and brought the phone to her ear. Dr. Maheswaran anxiously tapped on the steering wheel as the phone rang, looking around the parking lot to ensure she was not being watched. She let out an agitated huff as the call went to voicemail. She glared at the phone as she brought the receiver from her ear and hung up.

We need to talk about this young lady. Dr. Maheswaran texted. Pick up your phone. Connie’s reply was nearly immediate, which only annoyed her mother further.

I’m still in the room with him and he’s trying to sleep.

I want more details, Connie. The doctor answered. What happened? I know your father said it was gem related, but I am not satisfied with that answer. Was it the swelling? Was there an attack from a rogue gem?

It’s complicated. Connie replied. The typing indicator went on for a moment and Dr. Maheswaran waited. It’s related to the swelling, he had another bout of that but it was more extreme than that. He’s been keeping things from the gems, they didn’t know he went to the hospital, and apparently a lot happened in the past few days. We’ve all been comparing notes, trying to figure this out, but I don’t know how much he wants me to say. He didn’t want to ask for help when he needed to and he was trying to avoid making anybody worry because he felt bad about it. Dr. Maheswaran stared at the screen for a moment, trying to read between the lines and finding herself frustrated at the lack of detail in what Connie said.

What do you mean, more extreme than the swelling? Dr. Maheswaran asked. She waited two minutes with no reply, fiddling with the radio and drumming on the wheel impatiently. Connie, answer me or I’m calling Greg. Frustratingly, that still didn’t get an answer from her daughter. After another two minutes ticked by, with no indication Connie was typing, Dr. Maheswaran closed her messages and opened her contacts. She called Greg, as she had promised, shutting the car off as it rang. After three rings Greg picked up.

“Dr. Maheswaran, hi.” He answered, his voice tight but trying to sound pleasant. “How are you?”

“Greg, I’m not calling to exchange pleasantries.” She replied bitterly. “Connie won’t answer her phone. I know she’s there. I know something gem related happened to Steven and she said it was ‘more extreme’ than the swelling.” Her voice began to raise in volume as she spoke. “She wouldn’t tell me anything else. I know that whatever happened is the reason she’s staying over. What I want to know is exactly why. Now are you going to give me details or am I going to have to come there myself to get answers?”

Greg was stunned for a moment but he sighed before responding. “It’s a lot of things, Priyanka. A lot happened since the hospital. Are you… are you sitting down? Cause this might take a while.”

“Yes.” She answered sternly. “Firstly, was Connie hurt?”

“No,” he replied quickly. “I can’t say this whole thing was easy on any of us, but she didn’t come to any harm.”

“Good. And Steven?” her voice softened slightly, in the back of her mind she suspected the answer.

“Physically, he’s ok now. But he got hurt before. And this is going to be a lot to deal with.” Greg answered. He paused before continuing. “When he was discussing his trauma with you, did he mention anything about his shapeshifting powers?”

“Yes,” she replied, “he said ‘I almost turned so old I died’ and ‘I lost control of my body and turned into a blob of cats’… does that have anything to do with swelling? Or what happened today?”

“Yes,” he replied shakily, “at least we think so.” A beat of silence passed between both parents. “He had another bout of swelling when I came over earlier today, but this one was more… uniform. He looked like he grew into his early twenties. He was broader than I’ve ever seen him, more muscular, and taller than Garnet. We were trying to get him to tell us what was going on with him, we kinda had to corner him to get him to talk-“

“Greg!” she bit back. “What were you thinking? Cornering a child with trauma often leads to panic, or lashing out.” Greg didn’t answer immediately. She paused, voice quieting. “What happened?”

“He was frustrated.” Greg answered. “He snapped at us; he started talking about all of the things that happened since the hospital and how he could make mistakes and fix them. How we didn’t have to know about any of it.” He paused again. “He called himself a fraud and a monster and that’s when his powers started to react. He grew spines out of his back and started looking and acting like a corrupted gem.” He swallowed before continuing. “He was huge, bigger than the hillside the temple is on. I’m sure anyone who was in town saw him. It took a while to reach him, but thanks to Connie we all got through to him. She helped us all pull our collective heads out of our a- rears,” he corrected before stopping.

“Greg,” Dr. Maheswaran started, “it sounds like he’s struggling with his trauma more than he’s let on before. You all need to step up and give him support and professional help. He can’t be left to deal with this on his own. I’m sure this incident is weighing on him from what little Connie told me.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. I’m ready to take whatever steps we need to, to help him through this.”

“But Connie can’t be his primary support here, you are his caregivers and she needs to take care of herself, her studies, her future aspirations.”

“I don’t think it’s just that Steven wants her here. I think she’s not ready to leave yet either. If you came here to pick her up right now I’m pretty sure she’d fight you on it.”

“I’ve been texting her and she is pretty insistent that she’s staying tonight.” Dr. Maheswaran agreed. “My daughter has a mile-wide stubborn streak. Even if I forced her to come home, she’d probably sneak out. I’ve caught her doing it twice before this, and Doug has caught her trying to sneak back into her room three times.”

Greg chuckled, “Ah, well, I definitely did that when I was her age, and for less noble reasons. I wasn’t saving the world.”

“Four out of the five times it was just to see Steven.”

“Considering everything that’s come to light, he’s been going through a lot. I’m glad that they’re always there for each other.”

“Your choice of words is interesting, considering what Connie told me about what happened before the hospital.”

“Oh,” Greg answered nervously, voice cracking. “We probably need to address the whole proposing thing at some point, huh?”

“Connie said that she told him ‘Not now, Steven.’ That’s not a no. So yes, I will want that to be addressed in the future if our children are planning on getting married. However, that isn’t a pressing issue right now.”

“Ok,” Greg replied. “So what are our next steps, Doctor?”

“Firstly, have you gotten him into the insurance system like I suggested last week?”

“Yes, he’ll have coverage starting tomorrow.”

“Good. The next steps are him seeing a specialist for his mental health. I’ll be coming tomorrow to give him a follow-up assessment and to pick up Connie. I have a feeling if you tried to bring him to me he’d at the very least be hesitant.”

“Yeah. We’re going to do whatever he needs. He’s exhausted right now, but tomorrow sounds good. I hope this hasn’t put you out, Priyanka. This is a big help.” The doctor smiled.

“I’m here for my patients. Unless I’m unable, I’m going to do what I can to get them the help they need.”

“Thank you,” Greg replied, his voice warm with gratitude. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Greg.” Dr. Maheswaran hung up, and started her car to make her way back home.

The following afternoon Priyanka finished her shift and drove down to costal Beach City to visit the Universe family. The weather was pleasant, warm and partly cloudy as she followed the winding streets with her window half-down. She noticed the town itself didn’t seem to have any damage, whatever destruction Steven’s corruption caused had left Little Homeworld and Beach City proper unmarred. Once she pulled up to the house, however, she could see construction was in the process on Steven’s front door and siding.

She parked next to Greg’s van, shutting the car off. Once she got out of her car she saw Garnet and Greg sitting by the outdoor furniture on the porch. Garnet waved the doctor over as she came up the porch stairs. Seeing Garnet waving caught the attention of Amethyst and Pearl, who quickly made their way outside.

“Have a seat,” Greg said, his voice tired but friendly.

“Who’s with Steven right now?” Dr. Maheswaran asked.

“Connie, Bismuth and Lion.” Pearl answered, her air somewhat strained. “Lapis and Peridot are on a supply run. They’ll be back soon.”

Dr. Maheswaran sat and folded her hands in her lap. Garnet leaned on the porch railing, one hand hanging relaxed by her hip and the other supporting her on the banister. Amethyst hopped up on the railing to sit next to the fusion. Greg sat on the lawn chair opposite the doctor. Pearl was the only one of the five remaining standing, standing a few feet from the table with her fingers interlaced in front of her.

“How has Steven been today?” Dr. Maheswaran asked.

“Low energy,” Garnet answered quietly. “He woke up after eleven, which is very unusual for him.”

“How is his appetite?” The doctor continued.

“He’s had two meals today,” Pearl replied, “Brunch was Eggs, fake bacon, and a quarter of a cantaloupe. Late lunch was veggie soup. He hasn’t wanted anything else. He came down for brunch, but he asked us to bring the soup upstairs.”

“He apologized for it too,” Amethyst interjected, her tone unusually glum. “Connie’s been trying to get him to see that he doesn’t have to apologize for needing help, but it’s slow going.”

“Did he finish both of his meals?” Dr. Maheswaran probed.

“Yeah,” Amethyst answered. “That’s a good thing, right?”

“It’s important that he keeps his strength up.” The doctor replied. “What happened yesterday may have taken a toll on his mind, and very likely his body. It’s possible that kind of extreme strain will affect not only his appetite, but his mood and sleep patterns as well. He should be under observation for at least a few days, and any significant changes should be brought to his doctors’ attention.”

“What other doctors is he going to need to see?” Pearl asked gently.

“That’s partially why I’m here to assess him.” Dr. Maheswaran answered. “Based on my previous appointment he likely should see a child trauma specialist, but he may need someone who deals in other specialties as well. There’s a considerable department in the hospital I work at that may be the right fit in this case, however, there are other facilities all over the state if ours isn’t what he needs.”

“Would the hospital only treat him as an inpatient?” Greg prodded nervously. “Or would he be able to get treatment on an outpatient basis?”

“I believe its inpatient only,” she replied, one of her hands going to rub at her chin, before resting back in her lap. “Are you concerned about him having an overnight stay or that he may be uncomfortable spending time away from his support system?”

“Well, the second one would be true for any inpatient support,” Greg answered solemnly, “but for your hospital specifically, I think he would be especially uncomfortable considering his swell-up was there. I don’t want to put him in a position to have the experience be more anxiety inducing.”

“Ah, I understand.” The doctor regarded him sympathetically. “I’ll find a facility that does both in and outpatient treatment. They only would admit him as inpatient if they truly think he needs it, and any paperwork I forward will have noted he should be considered for outpatient preferably.”

“We want what’s best for Steven; however this needs to be handled, we will offer our support.” Garnet affirmed, her tone notably somber. The gems nodded.

“Can you tell me more about yesterday’s incident? And are you using any specific terms to refer to it?” Dr. Maheswaran asked.

“Ronaldo’s been calling it ‘Pink-zilla’ on his blog, according to Connie.” Amethyst answered, folding one of her arms across her chest. “Though no one but us knows it was Steven, well us and the Diamonds and Spinel.” The purple gem jerked her thumb over her shoulder to where the Diamond’s ship rested a distance away on the beach.

“We told Ronaldo not to release any more information regarding yesterday’s attack,” Pearl added, “and that we will have a statement be released through the mayor’s office no later than tomorrow. If Steven’s feeling up to it tonight, we were going to discuss how he wants to handle telling the town what happened. This isn’t something that the public needs all the details on, and if he wants it to stay private we will enforce that.” She paused closing her eyes. “Regarding your first question, I think it would be easier to show you the moments before ‘Pink-zilla,’” her tone slightly disparaging on the mocking name of the incident. Pearl’s gem glowed and began to show a hologram of Steven, Greg and Connie.

‘We are worried!’ Connie’s holo-double said, voice wavering.

‘Steven, you know you can tell us anything.’ Holo-Greg pleaded.

Frowning, holo-double Steven’s enlarged form snarled,‘It's not that easy. You know what? I don't have to deal with this.’ Holo-Pearl, Holo-Amethyst and Holo-Garnet moved into view, preventing him from leaving.

Priyanka tried to keep her face neutral as the group surrounded Steven in the hologram played on but she felt her stomach ache with discomfort.

'Hold up, dude.' Holo-Amethyst said.

'Steven! You have to stop running.' Holo-Garnet implored.

'Please,' urges Holo-Greg.

Holo-Steven froze with a shudder and the irregular swelling returned on his face.

'Steven, we should get you back to the hospital.' Holo-Connie warned.

'HOSPITAL?!' Holo-Pearl and Holo-Amethyst shouted together.

Holo-Pearl continued, 'When were you in the hospital?!'

'You didn't tell them?' Connie's holo-double reprimanded.

Priyanka’s stomach gave another uncomfortable turn and she swallowed. This scene became increasingly more worrisome as it continued but she fought to keep it out of her expression.

Holo-Steven's form distorted more and he groaned. As the swelling balanced out with a few unsteady breaths he replied, voice strained, 'it wasn't that important, you guys.’ His voice began to sound more confident, face showing a pained smile, ‘You're making a big deal out of nothing. Have I done some things wrong? Sure! I trashed the house today. I broke an anvil. What teenager hasn't?  Dad and I had a little disagreement. That's practically a rite of passage!'

The holo-versions of the gem trio and Connie turned their attention to holo-Greg and he shruged with an unnerved grimace. Holo-Steven seems not to notice this as he continues, ' I mean, it would be weird if we didn't, right? And maybe, I've had a not-so-nice thought or two about, like, you know, slamming White Diamond's head through a pillar ,’ he makes a gesture of doing that with his own face, ‘but it's not like I actually went through with it! I only actually shattered Jasper!'

Holo-Connie, Holo-Greg, Holo-Pearl, and Holo-Garnet all gasped, whole Holo-Amethyst shrieked 'WHAT?!'

Nervously, Holo-Connie stuttered, 'you're- you're joking, right?

'Oh, don’t worry,’ Steven’s holo-double replied, ‘I fixed that too! I can fix anything! I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever, and you'll never have to know or think about any of it!’

‘Steven,’ Holo-Garnet called, voice desperate.

Holo-Steven’s expression turned to a hollow frown and let out a shuddering breath before continuing. ‘How messed up is that? That I've gotten away with this for so long. You have no idea how bad I am.’ Holo-Pearl raised a fist to her mouth. Holo-Connie and Holo-Greg’s expressions were stunned speechless. Holo-Amethyst and Holo-Garnet both grimace, guilt plastered on all of the gems’ features. Holo-Steven’s frown turned to a withering scowl. ‘You-you think I'm so great, and I'm so mature, and I always know what to do, but that's not true! I haven't learned a thing from my problems! They've all just made me worse! You think of me as some angel, but, I'm not that kid anymore!’

He paused, voice dropped to a despondent degree. ‘I’m a fraud.’

Priyanka felt her hands shudder in her lap as she fisted the cloth of her pants. She cannot tear her gaze away from the boy she has come to know have his insecurities laid bare for his family to see. It made her heart ache that he felt this way about himself.

Holo-Steven’s knees gave out, collapsing to hands and knees in the center of his family. He sobbed, inhaling deeply before repeating, ‘I’m a fraud!’ Palms push from the ground as he set his elbows beneath him and hands tangled into his curls.

Priyanka’s lip quivered and she can’t force herself to care that she isn’t able to be objective anymore. Why are they saying nothing? Why aren’t they doing anything? How could you all let this happen! He was hurting, and all of you stood back and watched!

‘I’m a monster!’ he shouted as his body trembles violently. Painful looking spines burst forward from the holo-double of the boy, shooting upward as the group stepped back. The spines stretched out forty-feet, laying behind him as his hands shifted to claws and the rest of his form began to distort. Muscles swelled, arms became elongated and his mouth distorted to accommodate sharp teeth and tusks with a horrified inhuman screech. His curls vanished, and in their place a row of five horns broke through skin, which began to look hard and scaly. His features resemble a bipedal lizard with massive arms that appeared gorilla-like as they supported most of his weight.

‘STEVEN!’ the group shouted as he continued to grow, neck elongating and he shot forward, loping over the group that blocked the front door and crashing through the front of the house, bellowing loudly.

Priyanka shut her eyes, and said, “that’s enough.” The holo-vision disappears and the group looked to her with concern. She opened her eyes and met Pearl’s gaze first, followed by Greg’s. “I know that this is an extreme situation, and you all probably are going to need some time to process this, but he’s the one that went through that. You have to step up and put him first.” She paused and let that command settle. “If any of you can’t do that, you have to let others step in. For his health and safety, you must prioritize his needs.” She paused again, looking around and getting a nod of confirmation from the Gems and Greg. “Children and teenagers who go through significant trauma without proper treatment often turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as avoidant behavior, which seems to me what he’s been doing up until now, but also lashing out, self-harm, substance abuse, other addictive behaviors…” she trailed off as she sees Greg curl his fist and his face shift with discomfort.

It’s probable he’s had some experience with one or more of those, Priyanka thought and her expression softens. “I would like to discuss more some of the things he said and family history which would be helpful in finding the best treatment options, but I’m going to step away for a moment.” She stood, and walked toward the stairs and back to her car. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She called as she steps onto the sand. She managed a deep breath as she sat down in her car and closed the door. She fought the urge to scream.

I can’t understand how these people could let it get so bad, she thought as she leaned her elbows forward on the top of her steering wheel, resting her head in her hands. And Connie is now in the middle of this. I have to figure out how to tackle this. They all love him, they want what’s best for him, but they are so utterly helpless at this point. He deserves better- stop it, you know that line of thinking isn’t constructive. He needs guidance, structure, and if they can’t give it to him I will have to have him admitted until they can get their act together. She let out a shuttering sigh.

His symptoms are presenting in worrying ways. Imposter Syndrome is very likely, clear self-loathing, intrusive thoughts of violence, what else has been keeping in? I have to make some calls when I’m done here, he should be seen by specialists tomorrow if possible. The University of Delmarva is two and a half hours away but may be the best fit. Perhaps someone at work has a connection with East Shore Trauma Center, that’s only a little over an hour away if I can get my foot in the door. I have to make sure he’s getting the care he needs. Someone has to stop this spiraling. She took a few more centering breaths to calm herself and opened her car door to return to the group.

She saw Lapis along with two water clones soaring in onto the porch, arms laden with construction material as they landed. Peridot was not far behind, floating in on metal supports bound with wire and touched down on the beach before jogging up the stairs. Once Lapis set down her load of siding, Peridot extended her hands. As Dr. Maheswaran approached, she could see the lithe blue gem shrug several reusable grocery bags from her shoulder and hand them off to her smaller companion as the pair talked with Steven’s family. After a moment, Peridot nodded at the doctor and carried the groceries inside. With a wave, Lapis walked around to the back of the house and out of sight.

Pearl was the first of the group to turn her attention back to Dr. Maheswaran. “You said you had more questions for us, right?”

“Yes,” the doctor answered, and all eyes turned back to her as she took her seat. “Firstly, what did he mean when he said, ‘I trashed the house today’?”

“His voice,” Pearl answered quietly. “When he has been getting too emotional and isn’t controlling his voice, it can cause damage. It cracked the glass door in his room. That was one of the first things we fixed while he had his meal downstairs. So he wouldn’t have to look at it.” She paused. “It happened a few times before, too. His mother also had the same power, she used it before she came to earth.”

Greg interjected sadly, “That’s why she spoke so softly all the time. She probably was afraid of raising her voice.” Priyanka nodded.

“So before the meltdown, his damage to the house was accidental?”

“Yeah,” Amethyst answered. “Wait, meltdown?”

“His argument with you before he changed.” Dr. Maheswaran replied. “If he isn’t comfortable calling this incident Pink-zilla, that’s the best human way to describe what happened. It may make him feel more comfortable talking about it as I can imagine having it relate to a human problem may make it more bearable to tackle. Now, what about him and Greg having a disagreement? How recent was it?” She focused her gaze on Steven’s father.

The man clenched his jaw before answering, voice worn and gravely. “Two days after the hospital, I took him to my childhood home in West Keystone. He saw pictures and mementos from me growing up. I went there to get an old music CD and to tell him about how I really found myself through music. But when we were talking about it, he was angry, angry that he never knew his grandparents or had normalcy.” The man rubbed his arm with discomfort. “I said that he had it better off not living life feeling imprisoned, having freedom but I realize now that was definitely the wrong thing to say.” Priyanka regarded him incredulously. “He said ‘you’re just like mom.’ We kept arguing and he went pink, and dislodged the steering wheel. The van went out of control, but luckily we didn’t hit anyone.” The doctor stared in stunned silence, eyes wide. “The worst of it was the car flipped onto its side. I pulled him out. We both made it out without being hurt. I got a tow truck to bring us back to Beach City, but he barely talked to me after that until yesterday. He was acting very distant. I really fouled that whole situation up. But I’m gonna do everything I can to make it better.”

Dr. Maheswaran leaned forward on her elbows to the picnic table. She steepled her fingers and touched her pointers to the bridge of her nose. “Greg,” she started, hesitating. “I know you don’t have a good relationship to your parents. But you made something he was struggling with, feeling out of place, too much about your own parental issues. That wasn’t fair to him. And you said you pulled him out of the car? Was he knocked unconscious by the crash?”

“He briefly wasn’t responding,” he replied regretfully, “the van flipped onto the driver’s side so I unbuckled him and hauled him out through the passenger’s side. Once we were both out on the ground, he came to. It really scared me.”

“If that happened two days after the hospital, what happened the day before that?”

“He wasn’t up for much.” Greg answered. “He slept in, but it wasn’t very restful sleep. We talked a little, watched some movies and I got us take-out.” Priyanka sat back up straight, face turning stern.

“So after the accident, why didn’t you schedule any follow-up?” she asked before turning her attention to the gems. “And why weren’t you all here for all of this?”

“I don’t have a very good excuse,” Greg answered, looking at his hands in his lap. “It was late when we got back from West Keystone, but I could have called you in the morning.”

“And he didn’t call you after that because after getting into an argument with us over the accident, Steven ran away from home,” Garnet answered solemnly. Dr. Maheswaran jumped to her feet.

“WHAT?!” she yelled, slamming her hands on the table. Greg flinched, while Pearl and Amethyst stared in shock. Garnet’s expression was unreadable. “I don’t understand how that wasn’t the first thing you could tell me about how this whole thing started! How many days was he missing? Where did he go? How did he get back?”

“He was gone for three days,” Pearl choked out, looking away.

“He went into the woods, he didn’t want to be found,” Amethyst murmured.

“He came back on his own,” Garnet answered. “He came back because he shattered Jasper and needed the diamond essence to fix it. We still don’t know how it happened. He won’t talk about it with us.”

“We weren’t there for him when he needed us, after the whole proposal and hospital thing, because we were on a Little Homeschool field trip with no cell service,” Amethyst said, keeping Dr. Maheswaran’s gaze.

“We had no idea,” Pearl continued, “the first thing Greg told us about was the car accident and we were most concerned about the pink power causing himself or others to get hurt.”

“I should have told them after he went missing,” Greg added, “but I was just focused on finding him, and I didn’t really think about the why.”

“We all screwed this up.” Amethyst concluded. “We’ve been trying to put together what’s been going on with him for the past few months so we can figure out how we went wrong. We want to be better for him. Connie helped us see that when she talked him down.”

“You don’t have any other option,” Dr. Maheswaran said resolutely. “If you want him to get better, you have to recognize your missteps and be better for him. I’ll ask about his family history later, I want to hear his side of things.” She stepped away from the table and marched through the Beach House’s broken doorway, scowling.

[purplesurveys]

459

Ok I’m sorry but these name surveys have turned out to be loadsa fun for me so let me just take another one lmaooooo. 

I honestly find it therapeutic since it allows me to reflect and look back on all of the people I’ve crossed paths with before, whether for better or for worse :) Sorry if I’ll repeat names/explanations, I’ll do my best to remember more stuff about them!

aaron: Already mentioned this in the last survey, but he’s a part of my high school friend group. He was one of my first guy friends ever and he was very nice to me from the very beginning; always made sure I felt like I belonged in a crowd. Also studies in UP and I think he is taking up sports science because he wants to go on to med school. abby/abbey: This is my mom’s name. She goes by the first spelling. I know an Abby from high school; she studies in La Salle now. adam: I don’t know him personally but there used to be a dude from WhatCulture Wrestling (a popular YouTube channel) named Adam – he was my favorite to watch until he got caught in a major fuck-up and was booted from the group. adel adrienne ajee

ajla alan: I have an uncle named Allan. He was part of my dad’s friend group in college; they met each other in their org. He was in every birthday party when I was a kid, but I don’t see him anymore now because his family already migrated somewhere else. alex: Broad comm student who plays the guitar and sings well; I haven’t talked to her. I also knew an Alex from 6th grade and she was just...not a very bright student. She had to move because I don’t think her grades reached the standard in my school, and now I think she lives in California. If not there, then somewhere else in the States. Alex is a fairly common name here, though, and I know I’ve missed out on a bunch of other Alexes.

alexa: Again, another girl from high school. Was a cool girl and a party girl from the very start. Like I said in my past survey, she lives in Australia now. alexis alexzandria alicia: My friend Alliyah’s boss, who she has a huge crush on, is named Alicia but she goes by Alice. alisa allie/ally: Gossiping fake loser from our rival journ org who does nothing but spread black propaganda about our org to keep people from joining ours – when she talks to us, though, she’s super nice. I’m so fucking happy she’s graduating because she has such a toxic personality :(  allison: Former prof in Comm 100. Wasn’t very good but I had a crush on her from the very first lecture. She had a serious car accident in the middle of the sem and had to wear like a nose brace thing for the rest of the sem. alycea/alycia alyssa: I rode the school bus with a girl named Alyssa but I was much closer to her older sister Alex. There’s also an Alyssa from broad comm and I was classmates with her in my political science, history, and broad comm classes for this semester. She’s the niiiiiiiicest girl and would always help me out if I have missing notes or whatever. amanda: Girl from my org who’s taking up engineering. I was her VP last semester, but she had personal problems and so she wasn’t able to work much under me. Whenever she did, though, she was always reliable. Quiet girl, a little socially awkward. amari amber andrew: I first met him at a rally/protest I attended in 2017. Hit it off well right from the start because I saw that he was wearing a wrestling shirt, so we bonded over WWE that day. He plays the guitar and has released his own EP, is a junior DJ at one of the hip radio stations in Manila, and has done his fair share of hosting gigs. He used to take up engineering but shifted to journalism as he likes it better. Is very adventurous and amiable but tends to get too friendly; some might find it tiring but I honestly think it’s just his personality. He was my groupmate in communication research and I thought he was decent. angela: My best friend’s name is Angela. We first met each other in Grade 1 when we were 7, and we became friends after I stabbed her palm with a newly-sharpened pencil. She still has the pencil mark today. anna: Anna is a popular secondary name in the Philippines, but no one actually uses it as their main name. anne: Same with Anne. annie: My grandma’s best friend who used to come over the house every Sunday. Like I said in the past survey, I’m honestly not sure if she’s still alive lol. She was already pretty old when I was still very young. anthony aasad ashley: I *think* I have a distant cousin named Ashley that I first met at a family reunion last year. But let’s be real, Filipino families are huge and I don’t even know if I remember her name correctly, if she’s even an Ashley. aubri: One of my closest friends in high school was Aubrey. We were very, very close in junior year until she dropped a bomb on me that her family was migrating to California by the time we start senior year. We don’t talk anymore because of the distance and the timezones, but I’ll always be there for her no matter what. Incredibly talented dancer and figure skater. She’s in UCLA right now and as far as I know she is killing it over there. austin autumn: I know an Autumn from my wrestling fandom days. I think she was a redhead, but I don’t remember anything else. barbara becca: A girl from broad comm. She was one of the principal actors in one of the productions we did for BC and she has a really cute laugh. Super elegant; she reminded me a little bit of Audrey Hepburn because she was really graceful. She’s the older sister of my orgmate Rita, who’s from psych. ben beth bethany betty: I have a friend-ish named Bettina. Betty’s kind of like a goofy nickname; she actually doesn’t use it but I think it still counts. I’ve known her since first grade; she peed her skirt in our first day of Grade 1 and I remember her crying a lot. She had a wild TV show phase starting from Grade 5 and she was into Nicole Kidman, Paula Abdul, Kara DioGuardi, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Stana Katic, Kate Walsh, etc etc etc and a bunch of shows like Private Practice, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle, Suits etc etc etc. She was super shy, very awkward in person so I’m glad her love of TV shows and actresses sprung her into life for the most part. She’s in UP Manila and I think too busy to get into fandoms now. bijan bobby bram brandon brandy breanna/brianna: Brianna is my friend Pat’s middle name. I honestly used to be so envious of this name of hers because I thought it sounded really nice, but now I think it kinda sounds like a bratty name hahaha. brendan brian: I have an uncle named Bryan, but we aren’t related. He’s my mom’s cousin’s husband. He’s VERY shy and likes to keep to himself or his kids at family gatherings but turns really cool when he’s had a little to drink. brittany/brittney/brittni brock brooke bruce buck cameron camille: Nice girl from my childhood school bus. There’s an unofficial norm in private schools in that when you’re older, you get to be mean to the younger kids. Not her. She was always nice and include us second graders in her antics in the bus, even though she was several years older. I was bummed when I found out they moved to the States. candy carina: I used to ride the school bus with a Carina but she was much younger. I was already in high school when she was in kindergarten. She’s the younger sister of Carissa, who I always found to be pretty weird. Anyway, these girls were clearly rich and pampered; they had a nanny ride with us in the bus. carly: I had an Internet friend named Carley; she was my first online best friend. We met here on Tumblr in like 2012 and got close because we were both huge fans of Stephanie McMahon at the time haha. We would video-call EVERY afternoon when I would come home from school while she would get ready for school (she’s from Pennsylvania). Eventually she’d disappear off the face of the earth and stopped talking to me but resurfaced a few months later. She’d continue to do this like 10 other times until I got tired of getting my hopes up of having her back. She’s tried reconnecting with me again on DMs but I just ignored it cos I knew there was a good chance she’d just cut off our communication again. We’re still Facebook friends and she’d pop up on my news feed from time to time, but that’s it. carol: I have a great-aunt named Carol. But my grandma has so many sisters that I honestly do not remember which one she is. carrie cassandra: I had a batchmate named Kassandra, who went by Kasey. Really bright, sweet, intelligent girl. She moved to Singapore in 7th grade. She was very, very simple and very kind to everyone and you wouldn’t be able to tell that she’s crazy rich. Her dad’s a top exec for a famous food and drink company and she lives in the same village I do–their house is guarded 24/7. cassidy chantel charlotta chelsie: Chelsea’s part of our high school friend group and is also crazy rich. We always hung out at her place because her house is huge. She’s very maarte, which I cannot really translate to English...the closest term is probably high maintenance hahaha; but she’s very sweet and generous and kind too. cheryl chris: One of Gabie’s best friend is a Kris. Other than liking outdoorsy stuff like going to the beach and hiking which is all I know about her, I think she’s also half-American. christopher: I have an uncle with this name but like I said his nickname is Perry. He works abroad like my dad (his brother-in-law) and my dad’s sister (his sister-in-law). cienna clare: Guidance counselor for several grade school levels. Understandably, she is very maternal. I once had a nasty fight with another girl and we had to be sent to her office. clarissa: Went to school with a Clarisa. We first met in Grade 4 because she rode my school bus, and instantly clicked. She was very nice, very sweet; she was simple to the point that, like Kasey, you’d have no clue how rich she was. She lives in a huge mansion now but she lived in a huge house before that as well, it’s crazy. Really, really sweet and she would give the best hugs. I played table tennis a lot with her in high school too. She studies in Miriam now but I’m not so sure about her course. claudia: Already said a lot about her in the last survey. Popular girl her whole life. She still goes to a bunch of parties but she is so much nicer now than she was when we were younger. cody cole collin corey corinne: One of my former teachers named her daughter Corinne. I think she’s 8 this year. courtney crissy: Chrissy was one of my very best friends in preschool and grade school. She looked Chinese even though she had a Filipino-sounding surname, and I was never sure if she had Chinese blood or not. She was boyish so she was very rowdy, liked to play rough, and punched other girls if she got pissed; but other than that she was very quiet and shy. She was constantly on the basketball team too. Eventually her family moved to Canada. crystal dallas dan danielle danika: An orgmate that worked under my committee two semesters ago. She’s from business ad and was juggling another org so she wasn’t very active at all to begin with. Her performance just plummeted every month and she ended up ghosting my org last semester–never replied to anyone when we tried to check up on her. I was very mad at her until she restarted contact with us recently and explained how tumultuous stuff suddenly got in her personal life and mental health that she had to take care of herself for a while, which we all understood immediately. She’s coming back to the org this year and we’re more than ready to welcome her. She’s very charming, goofy, and kind. She has a very life-of-the-party personality haha. danny: I have a friend-ish named Dani that I met through Angela. We all sat at the same table during the senior ball at Ateneo in 2016 so we got to talk then. She played volleyball in high school and she studies in San Beda now. She wants to take up law school so I think her course is in political science.  darious david: Pat’s boyfriend from Serbia and Patrice’s boyfriend from economics HAHAHAHA. Also a sucky groupmate from my comm res class who did absolutely nothing to contribute in the final paper that Hannah and I worked our asses so hard for. dean deanglo derrick destiny devin dillon donna dwayne [Random survey-taker note: these are all very Western names...] emie emily eric: My godfather is an Eric. Like my Tito Allan, he also met my dad through their college org. He’s an exec in a bank now and is suuuuuuper rich. Has a daughter named Arya which he could’ve named after the GoT character but am not really sure about that. everette felicia gabby: Wildly popular name. 1) My girlfriend’s name is Gabie; 2) there was another Gaby in my high school batch. 3) I have a friend from the Tumblr wrestling fandom named Gabbie who was really good in Photoshop – we study in the same school but have never met each other. 4) I have a high school batchmate whose little sister is a Gaby, annnnnddd I also just remembered that 5) there was another Gabbi in the wrestling fandom who also made good edits at the time. gerald gina guliana gloria: Do last names count? Hahaha. Gloria is the surname of my instructor in my class in international relations just this past sem. He’s a new faculty member but is craaaazy good at teaching; clearly knows what he’s talking about. He was passionate about his subject and I always admired that about him. I was really sad when class had to end. grace: I have a great-aunt named Grace; he’s my late grandpa’s sister. She’s really...quite fabulous; she has connections with super prestigious people and has a fancy wardrobe. She’s the only Filipino grandmother I know who goes by ‘Nana’ to her grandkids, which I note because Nana is like a super Western thing afaik. She has drama queen tendencies though and can be sensitive to a lot of things lmao. gracie hannah: One of the close friends I’ve made in college so far! Our first meeting was when she and Macy moved from UP Los Banos to the Diliman campus (where I study) and the three of us enrolled in our classes together. I was closer to Macy first, but eventually me and Hannah got a stronger friendship. Best groupmate, workmate, and David Archuleta fan I know. Sings great and plays the piano great. An absolute angel. hasan hawa hayley: I only know a dog named Hailey lol. heather: Someone from my high school batch is a Heather! We were never in the same cliques but she is one of the friendliest people I know. She knows how to talk to anyone which I appreciated. We bonded over One Direction in high school and she also confided in me a few times about her relationship and how her parents forbade her from seeing her boyfriend because he was trans. She also studies in my school now, taking up business economics. We barely see each other but say hi whenever we do. holly hunter ibro isaac isaiah jack jackie: One of my aunts has a relative named Jackie and I literally only found this out earlier when we met up and caught up with each other. jacob jacquelin jaden: A kid of my mom’s best friend is a Jaden. He was named after Jaden Smith because he was born during the time the Karate Kid remake made big waves. jake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I had a garbage instructor with this name. This dude was in charge of my weekly crying binges and panic attacks because I was never sure if I was gonna pass his class. He seemed to enjoy giving all of us failing marks too which made me hate his piece of shit ass more. He’s supposed to be really good at what he does but I guess knowledge just does not always translate well in the classroom. Ended up passing his class, but now I’m cursing his ass forever. james: I have a younger cousin named James. I’ve only met him twice; once when he was a newborn, and then when he celebrated Christmas 2018 with us. His family’s lived in New Zealand and Vietnam since 2008, which is why we never get to see him, and why he does not remember me at all. janai janveia jared jason jay: My uncle is a Jay; he’s my mom’s brother. I disowned him as my uncle many years ago. He’s a terrible drunk, a disgusting smoker, and an annoying freeloader. I tried giving him a chance before, but after I found out that he drunkenly punched a cat once, I ignored him forever. Sometimes my mom and grandmother would ask me to acknowledge him at family gatherings, so I’d have to begrudingly do so; but other than that he’s out of my life. jazmine: There was a Jasmin from my old school. She’d always been very artistic and she was into K-Pop very early on. She’s taking up linguistics in my school now. jeana jeanette jen: Girl from the now-ancient Tumblr wrestling fandom. She’s probably the biggest and most passionate wrestling fan I know as she would follow both the mainstream and indie promotions the last time I checked up on her. She was kinda vain and kept on taking selfies while captioning each one as ‘ugly.’ I remember that she has a dog she really loves, and that she lives in Boston. jeralyn jerry jesse jessica: Meh, annoying girl from high school. I’m sure she’s nice(?) but her personality just didn’t click with me. She was too vibrant and too friendly that it almost seemed fake; but what do I know, I never really made the effort to know her better other than bonding over 1D here and there. jim jocelyn jodi: I know a Jodee from my old school. Spoke straight English, is intelligent, but is a huge goofball and very mischievous/rebellious. She was a smartass and liked testing the teachers’ patience whenever she can, but she always did it in a very funny way I think. She was often called to the guidance counselor’s office for having relationships with other students (I went to a Catholic all-girls’ private school, so this was obviously not allowed) but she always stood her ground about it and was never afraid to fight back. She had a phase of unhooking our bras in like 5th grade. joey: My blockmate has a younger sister named Joey. I think she is also studying in UP. john: The cousin I’m closest to is named John, but it’s not his preferred name. jonathan jordan josh: I know two Joshes, but only because they are boyfriends of a couple of acquaintances. jossie julia julie junior justin: I went to school with a girl who initially went by Justinn, but like she all wanted to start calling her by her other name, Ria, as we grew older. I also briefly rode the school bus with a girl named Justine, but we didn’t talk much. kailyn kaitlyn kaleb: Chelsea’s brother is named Caleb. kali karrie karli kasey: Oh, I guess Kasey (under Cassandra) falls under this too lmao. kasahwn katarina: Not exact, but Katrina’s a fairly popular name where I live. My cousin’s boyfriend is named Katrina, my aunt is a Katrina (but she goes by Bianca), and I also went to school with a Katrina even though her nickname is Cheenie. kate: Already talked about this in the last name survey. I met Kate through my org; she’s a huge joker/goofball, is naturally very friendly, and has an awesome wardrobe. When she’s bored and we both aren’t doing anything, she puts makeup on me. Works very well but is also a huge partier HAHAHAHA. katie: This is my nickname for Kate, if that counts. kayla: There’s a Kayla in my college, but her course is in broad(cast) comm(unication). I remember her very well because she is the first person I EVER talked to when we had our freshman orientation in UP. We didn’t become close after that. She’s pretty, has nice clothes and hair, is part of the popular circle, and she’s part of streetdance which is like one of the cooler orgs on campus. kelli kent: I have a younger cousin who’s a Kent. We used to be close when we were both kids, but now we’re shy towards each other. He was obsessed with dinosaurs when he was younger, like 5 or 6. kerna kevin kiana: I have an orgmate named Kiana! SOOOOO pretty and has like the clearest skin. Very simple and down-to-earth. Is nice but can kick your ass because she has a black belt in taekwondo. She’s smart as hell and I’m pretty sure she’s graduating as magna cum laude, besides the fact that she’s going to UP Law right after. kiley kim: I also have an orgmate named Kim :) He’s the sweetest guy ever, and is just so easy to talk to. He has a really cute relationship with one of the org’s alumni. I didn’t get to bond with him much but am sad all the same that he’s graduating this year :( kimberly: Went to my old school with a Kimberly but she went by Kim. Was one of the rougher, lesser-behaved kids. She was a demon in grade school. Not quite sure how she’s doing now. She’s my friend on Facebook but can’t really care less about her life updates. kirsten kristy kyle: Kyelle is a kinda good friend of mine. He’s from the same circle, but we aren’t close in particular. He’s very nice though, very silly and likes to goof around. laila lain: I used to have an orgmate named Laine. She was our VP for External Affairs two years ago. She’s now in law school. leah: Cheenie’s mom is a Lea. She’s probably the best mom friend my mom made from my school hahaha; she’s known me since I was 4. lexi: I have a high school batchmate named Alexa but I think she goes by Lexi, judging from her Twitter name. Is naturally quiet but gets very friendly when you get her to open up. Easy to talk to. liam: Liam is my youngest cousin, I think. He was born in 2014 or 2015. I’ve never seen him, because he and his family lives in New York. I’ve only ever met his big sister. :( lilly: This girl I was classmates with for a journ elective. I found her to be verrrrry pretty and she had the biggest, most piercing eyes; until I found out that she was one of those die-hard Catholics who are vehemently pro-life. She once defended a fraternity whose members were confirmed to be misogynist, sexist, racist, homophobic and transphobic pieces of shit in a leaked groupchat simply because she believes in ‘forgiveness.’ She caused another ruckus two weeks ago when she made known her pro-life views well known. I wanna unfriend her ass so bad but she just keeps making all the wrong opinions that I just wanna stay and watch her get schooled by my less-than-thrilled college mates hahaha. lina liz: If I remember correctly, there was an Elizabeth from my wrestling fandom who went by Liz. She lives somewhere in the UK, had reddish hair, and was in love with John Cena lmao. She would sometimes make edits too. loren: Other than the Lauren I mentioned in the previous survey, I also had a friend named Lauren from the Tumblr wrestling community too. She was one of the first friends I made. She was two years older than me, fancied Andy Samberg earlier than anyone else, had a cool room, was obsessed with cats, and loved tie-dye stuff. lydia lyndsey lynnette macaila mack: JM’s dad goes by Mackey, if that counts hahahaha. He’s a lawyer and a college professor. mckenzi macey: I went to high school with a Macy and now she’s in college with me too. She used to study in UPLB but moved to Diliman after a year, since she always planned to take up journalism (she didn’t pass the cutoff initially, so she had to stay in LB for a year before she moved). I was very close with her throughout high school, but idk, she’s just never been in a good place mentally so our friendship is very up-down-up-down. I tried to reconnect when we were reunited in college, but she’s found her crowd now so I’m happy for her nonetheless.

There’s also a Macy in my org who worked under my committee for a year before she moved to finance. Quiet girl but was always nice to everyone. She’s also graduating this semester :( maddie madison margo: Went to elementary school with a Margo but she preferred to spell it as Margauxe lmao. We became close for a while because we rode the school bus together and she would lend me the other half of her earbuds so we can listen to Ashley Tisdale’s Headstong and Vanessa Hudgens’ V every day (this was when High School Musical was peak popular). She sort of had a tumultuous family life here until she moved to Hawaii a few years ago. I think she may have moved to California now too. maria: Again, this is like the base name for like half of all Filipina girls. It’s so common that it’s just simply shortened to ‘Ma.’ because everyone knows what it stands for. marina marisa: Kayla’s middle name is Marissa. marquis mary: Macy’s first name is Mary. mathew: I know a bunch of Matthews from both high school and college but they all go by Matt. The one I remember the most is Matthew from another high school friend group who was close with my group. Our group was invited to their Christmas party, and they had a gimmick that each member of their group was gonna be paired with someone from ours, and it was gonna be a costume party. I was paired up with Matthew (but they called him Cho), but I never went to the party so I never got to meet him. I’m sure he’s nice, though. matt: See Mathew. maura mechelle: I have an orgmate named Michelle. She’s clumsy, kinda awkward, but she does it in a very cute way and we all love her because she’s so funny haha. She passed the toughest med school program in the COUNTRY but chose journ in the end. Is the most Chinese Chinese-Filipino girl I know. megan: I know someone whose middle name is Megan but she goes by a different name. melissa: Hahahahaha. I knew a Melissa all right. Freeloader. meredith mersadies micah: I was classmates and friends with a Micah in grade school. My parents and hers were close, so we became close too. She was very smart but I remember her to be deathly afraid of walking on beams when we had to do it in PE. She moved schools in the fifth grade, and she studies in UST now. michael: His full name is Michael, but Mike is a guy I almost went out with in high school. Wasn’t really attracted to him, but he’s like super smart so it was a huge plus point for me lol. I also have an orgmate named Michael but we all call him Elis. He’s unreliable. miranda: If surnames count, Gabie’s best friend’s last name is this haha. molly monica: Some girl who went to my old school but transferred schools early on, like in 2nd or 3rd grade. She was Gabie’s childhood friend though so I still hear from her from time to time. She’s in UP now too, but I don’t know what course she’s taking. morgan nashid natasha: I went to high school with a girl named Natasha, but she goes by Tashie. Huge girl and a beast at softball. Can be a big softie but she has weird mood swings too (and when she’s mad, she’s quite violent) so I just tried not to piss her off while we were still in school together lol. nate: Yeah he’s in the same college as me but I know zilch about him other than he’s supposed to be really good in making films. nathan neema nichole: Annoying younger busmate who graduated high school this year. nick: Nick is the codename I gave to one of my first crushes. Obviously not his legit name so I don’t think this counts. nicholas olivia paige preasia preme prisilla: When I was still applying for AIESEC, Priscilla was assigned as one of my groupmates. I was originally iffy because she didn’t get online to work until like 11 PM, but when I did see her start working, she was a GODDAMN BEAST. Amazing. Did everything I assigned to her. When I met her in person the next day, she spoke very well and was very put-together. My respect for her soared even more after that. I dropped my application soon after for unrelated reasons but it was a pleasure working with her. Last I heard, she’s a councilor-elect in her local college’s student council. rachel: My math teacher in Grade 1 was a Rachel. I don’t remember her at all, except for the fact that when she found our class noisy one day, she completely stopped talking and mimed everything for the rest of the 45-minute period. raheim raven: Creepy, weird dude from my org who’s always looking for a dick to suck. I’m not even trying to insult him, he’s just perpetually thirsty and makes sure the whole world knows it for some reason. ray renee: Sweet, intelligent, hilarious girl from my high school. She’s very makwela, which in English means zany/funny. Her dad is a national basketball coach so it’s no surprise she followed in his footsteps. richard riley rita: Sweet, sweet girl from my org. We all just kinda naturally flock to protect her from bad influences or creepy people because she just has such a sweet soul. She’s my successor VP in my committee. robby: I have an Uncle Rob, but he doesn’t go by Robby. He’s the husband of my aunt (my mom’s cousin). He’s from New Zealand and has a Masters or a PhD in film theory, I don’t actually remember which. ryan: I used to see him a lot at a relative’s house until I was like 8. I’ve never seen him since and don’t actually know how he’s related to us or me lmfao. sabrina samantha: I have a younger cousin named Samantha. Sam was born and raised in New York but visited the Philippines last year and I was primarily in charge of taking care of her. She’s just the cutest darling I’ve seen and has the most perfect accent ahuhuhuhuhuhu. She likes My Little Pony. sara sarica sean: Someone from a lower batch in high school has this name. I never knew her but we follow each other on Twitter loooooool. secilia seliena: My older cousin’s first name is Selina but she goes by her second name, Bianca or Bia for short. We were inseperable as kids but we grew shyer as we grew older :( shannon shauna: Gabie’s orgmate. That’s all I know. She liked my tweets in the past but that’s the most contact we’ve made. shayna shelby sherry seirra skylar spencer steven stevey susan: I have an Aunt Susan. She took care of me my whole childhood; fed me, gave me baths, all that stuff when my mom was too busy with work. She got run over by a hit-and-run motorcycle when I was 9 and she was never the same after. She was crankier and had violent outbursts. tamara: I went to school with a Tamara; her nickname was Tammy. She was a gentle giant; like she was a naturally big girl but was very soft-spoken and SUPER shy. We got close for a while in 4th grade but her paths differed not long after. tashryha taylor tayshaun terrell tiffany: I had a batchmate named Tiffany. She was kinda mean in grade school but got nicer as we got older. I never really got the chance to know her well. tori trevor trisha: Another high school batchmate. All I remember was that she would cheat on tests by changing her wrong answers when the teachers would give our results back so they could correct it for her. Also a big Justin Bieber fan lol. trista tylik vanessa: There was a Vanessa in an older HS batch but she went by Via; she just graduated college yesterday but that’s all I know. There’s also a Vanessa in my sister’s HS batch; she’s half-German and that’s also all I know. victoria: Some girl I had a class with was named Victoria but it’s her middle name; we all called her Kristine. wally will wyatt zach: Another guy from the wrestling group I was in. He was one of the older dudes so I was more scared of him than the rest. zachary: Same answer as Zach. I think this was his whole name. zoey

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)

I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.

Next morning

With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol

ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.

Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.

I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out

Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!

Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.

I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!

I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think!  The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.

I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger.  I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.

Hopefully we don't have to worry about it.  I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe.  I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.

I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.

16 minutes later

OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???

He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...

I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.

my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.

Ugh.....I need to get it together.

I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that

Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page

WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!

"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."

Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service

im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye

I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork.  I also love that we are SAFE!

I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!

Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena  or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it

bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh

Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol

Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!

The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!

let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah

Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.

I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.

it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....

lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D

So here is the summary of what has happened since last time

We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.

We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.

We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.

Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!

Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.

woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah

Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.

Now we’ll lose every challenge

10 minutes later

This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!

HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING

CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —

Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.

Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.

I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.

I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.

Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!

x nick

Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal

[starryseo]

high schooler!jaemin

my pRECIOUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSS

im sososo excited to write this because i loVE NANA sosososo much,, i miss him terribly but i hope that if and when he returns he is super happy and healthy so he can carry on making m e m o r i e s. sm need to update us more on him :((

sOO0o0oO0O0o0oooo0OOOO0o

ok so ma boi na jaemin

is literally loved by everyone in that school

and they all know him as the Smiley Kid™

like they may not even be in a class with him

mAY NOT even be in his year

but they have seen him around school

and i GUARANTEE he was smiling so everyone just knows who he is

they also know him bc he once started this petition

initially, the school didnt have a badminton club

and nana was just like ???/ badminton is love what the heck????

so he b e g g e d the sports teacher to start a club

and the teacher loves nana bc he’s always so active and supportive and just amaZING in their class,,,,, so they give him a chance

but they cant just start a club outta nowhere yknow?

so they’re like, if you get enough people to support you then i’ll talk to the head teacher and see what we can do ok?

so thIS BOI RAN OUT and started just asking literally e v e r y o n e in the school to sign this paper so the club would happen

and like who can say no to his smile??? it literally makes my heart weAK

the dreamies were the first to sign obviously

even donghyuck

but he only done it after nana said he’d post the old baby photos of hyuck everywhere aha love this boy

those baby photos??? he got them from hyuck’s mum lmao

yeah hes the kinda kid to talk with the other dreamies’ parents - mainly the mums because hes just such ??? a darling? ???

obviously he got enough signatures and he did not stop smiling for like a week bc badminton club!!!!! is finally a thing!!!!

he and mark are always the first to turn up and honestly some ppl just go to watch the two of them have a match

when hes not sparring w/ mark hes super kind and helps out others that are playing but struggling

which just makes everyone love him even more

he and jeno always get lockers full of confessions

and hes such a cutie he has the notes all saved in a shoe box under his bed

i say “a shoe box” but like he has so many notes there are like 20 boxes lmao rip

and whenever he gets chocolates or smth he always shares them with the dreamies

he also tries to help the others out whenever he can

like,, running lines with jeno for his auditions,,,,, helping out jisung and chenle with their homework etc.

he also encouraged mark the first time he wrote a poem to get it published in the school paper,, mark was heckin’ nervous so nana suggested sending it in anonymously, and mark just continued with it

also!!!!! this boy!!! i know i said renjun has like the bEST food in his lunch boxes, but jaemin is a close second

he always packs fruit with him and like its so ?? cute???

he spends the previous night chopping up the fruit - apples, bananas, mangoes, pomegranates, grapes, oranges, you name it - and then puts it in the fridge so it’s all fresh for lunch tomorrow.

uses a separate container for it and theres just s o  m u c h fruit

he brings in 7 forks as well because he kNOWS !!!!1 the others are gonna take some from him

alsooo he is The Hoverboard Master™

lowkey gets frustrated when jisung challenges him

but is highkey supeeerrrr !! happy!!! when he beats jisung

insert the dreamies just disappointingly head shaking as jisung fake cries

“youre seriously not gonna let the kid win??” - mark

“even im not that cruel” - hyuck

but nana #dontgiveafuck bc he just won hAH TAKE THAT @JISUNG [had to make sure i didnt tag a blog there lmao rip]

mm so yall prolly met bc of a mutual dislike for sociology

ok so this part may be rubbish bc i know nothing abt sociology lmao so idk bare with me

yall were in the same class and the teacher set a partner project for the last term which she would test you on

1) ew partner projects #amirite 2) ew sociology #amiriteagain

cliche move: yall got paired up together

the project was basically one where you guys could freely talk about any topic relating to modern day society

you guys had to prepare a powerpoint expressing contrasting views to the topic and then also include your own

didnt seem hard enough, but since you were being graded on this you had to put in 110% effort overachievers ayyyy

so yall got to work, tryna think of what topic you could write about

and after much debate and thinking you both eventually agreed on writing about how social media portray young men

first yall were gonna do women but felt that others may do that,,,, and also that the expectations men had werent spoken of as much so this would be interesting

in lesson you made a quick plan about how you were gonna go about this

decided that it’d be best if you both worked on the powerpoint together, but done research separately so you could just merge the two when making the powerpoint. like, nana would find bad views and you would find good ones.

so you went your separate ways after that lesson and met up the next day

yall chilled out in the library after school and started your individual researching

and after like the first hour the cuTIE asks if youre hungry and youre like yeah a lil’ bit, so you guys pack up your stuff and head down the street to the cafe and eat a bit there

he pays even tho you had previously agreed to split it :(((

and youre just like “hey we should just base our project on you-”

jaemin: “a nice young man that pays the bills?”

you: “a lying young man who said we’d split but stole the bill before i could do anything. im writing bad things about you now”

jaemin: “YOURE BEING BIASED, THATS UNFAIR–”

you: “idc :))))”

yall were just kidding obvs

after eating you guys head back to the cafe for like another hour of researching

and you decided that tomorrow you’d make a start on the powerpoint

so yall say bye, meet up tomorrow after school bc theres no sociology lesson, and do the same thing as yesterday

including the cafe dateeeee ;))))) 

you make a start on the powerpoint and like hes such a perfectionist

like “no, no, no y/n move the title a bit to the right. no no ! your other right,,,, aaa no youve moved it too much !!!!”

“um,,,,, im not really feeling this navy blue, use that green instead,,, actuallyyyyy, what about that purple over there????”

after he starts shouting out hex codes to use you give up and just let him take the mouse

he ends up keeping the initial navy blue lmao

so after that hectic day and jaemin’s complaining youve managed to do just. your. first. slide.

but it has a super c00l background and animations so yeah very productive !!!

this basically continues for the next 3 weeks, with you guys presenting in the 4th week.

when it comes to the presentation day yall were vvvv nervous going up bc you get graded on how you present it as well, not just the info :’))))

but the whole thing runs super smoothly bc na jaemin flashed thAT SMILE @ YOU AND ALL YOUR WORRIES DISAPPEARED BEFORE YOU GUYS EVEN INTRODUCED THE TOPIC

the whole thing went really well, you guys took turn answering questions your peers and the teacher threw at you and when yall were done he sMILED AGAIN !!!!! and like yall felt super confident bc that went hecking well

when you got your results back it was an A*/ A+ and nana sent a message to you like “OMGGGGGGG WE DID IT!!! YESSSS!!!! MY AMAZING HARD WORK PAID OFF”

“***ouR AMAZING HARD WORK,,, BUT LIKE IM PRETTY SURE IT WAS MY AMAZING HEX CODES THAT SEALED THE DEAL”

yall decided to celebrate at the cafe that you frequented

the old lady that owned the place knew you guys really well bc of the project

she’d be constantly refuelling you guys so she knew about the project too LMAO

and so when you guys told her that you guys aced the project she was super happy too and she was like “your food is on the house ily !!!!”

so like whoop whoop !! free food !

and you guys kept up that tradition during the summer holidays, meeting up at the cafe

and like the employees there knew you both so well

they started a bet like “how long until they walk in here holding hands one day and start dating???”

jaemin accidentally calls you sweetie or smth and you both just hear the old lady scream “yeSSSS!!! I WON!!!!! PAY UP WORKERSsss!!!! FREE FOOD FOR YOU, JAEMIN + Y/N!!!”

yall were confused as heck buT FREE FOOD !!!

i aint even surprised this was my longest one i love na jaemin