#on second thought maybe he won't get another angst fic

[merakiui]

Okay speaking of magical girls.... Evil villain tako that has a crush on the cute magical girl at NRC but he doesnt know shes the magical girl that's trying to thwart his evil plan of taking over sage's island mwhaha

YES YES YES. And every week he gets his ass handed to him. You're determined to keep Sage's Island safe!!!! He's trying to get to know you through the fights. The (one-sided) sexual/romantic tension is too much. Tako who flirts at every chance during your fights... you genuinely want to take him out (defeat him), but he wants to take you out (on a date). And it's so obvious he's down bad for you, but you have no idea he's Azul Ashengrotto (your fellow classmate) and he has no idea of your identity either. Azul's trying to balance his love for the magical girl he fights on weekends and his darling classmate who he sees during the week hehe. How fortuitous that they are the same person.

Please imagine that trope where the villain ensnares the hero in tentacles, but it ends up looking more erotic than threatening....... orz evil villain tako whose tentacle is holding you upside down by the ankle and he's monologuing about how he'll take over the island and you'll get to watch, powerless against him. But then he looks at you and your skirt has flipped up and he's granted a gratuitous panty shot!!!!!!! Tako who gets a nosebleed on the spot. He's such a loser pervert. <3

Omg omg or you're squirming in the tentacles and ranting about how you'll get him for this, but Azul's trying so hard not to give into the horny thoughts because the way the tentacles are looped around you and squeezing is so attractive to him.

Like that one scene where Stocking's fighting the octopus ghost LOL.

[nickfowlerrr]

so inviting, i almost jump in.

pairing: neighbor!bucky barnes x curvy!reader

warnings: fluff. pining. idiots in love? fake dating...kinda lol. a lil bit of angst but not too much.

words: 4.5k

notes: happy new year! i tried so hard to finish this last night but just couldn’t do it lol. this is part of the ciwywt universe, but i think it can be read as a standalone, too.

also - coherent, consistent timelines? sorry, don’t know her. idk where this fits in their story but it does bc i say it does. 😌 i really love these two and i hope you enjoy this lil fic as much as i do. thank you in advance for reading. as always, comments and reblogs are more than welcome, and so appreciated! 💞

"Ow,” you wince, “damn it," you grumble to yourself as you set your eyeliner pencil down, blinking rapidly to quell the tears you could feel about to form in your eye. You huff and turn to look down at the cause of your distraction, your phone ringing loudly as it lays on the counter. You see the caller and preemptively roll your eyes. Not this again.

You swipe to answer the call and his voice immediately floats into your ear, giving you no time to even utter a 'hello'.

"Before you say anything-"

"No," you state firmly, annoyance clear in your tone as you stop him before he can begin.

"Doll,"

"Bucky, I said no," you cut him off again. "It's a no. No. No, no, no. Not gonna happen," you continue despite his pathetic huff sounding on the other end.

"I know you said no..." he says before trailing off for a second, "but, doll, I really need you."

Damn him. You sigh heavily into the phone, putting a hand to your forehead to stop the headache you know is coming. He's really trying to pull on your heart strings... unfortunately for him, it's not gonna work.

"You don't need me, Bucky. You're gonna be fine. They're your friends, if you just tell them what you told me, they'll understand. You have nothing to worry about."

"That's not," he huffs, stopping himself, and you can almost hear him shake his head, "Will you at least try to come by?"

You know you won't, but you don't want to upset him any more than he already is.

"Yeah, I'll try. And stop worrying so much. You'll have a good time, I know it," you smile, the thought of him and his friends enjoying their New Year's Eve tugging at your lips.

"Yeah," he responds, sounding a little unsure. "Okay, well, I'll see you later?"

"Mhm...maybe," you say.

"Doll," he groans, causing an unbidden laugh to slip from you at his dramatics.

"I said I'd try, no promises! But I do have to go now, so, talk later. Bye," you finish, hanging up on him before he can try and talk you into making a promise you have no intention of keeping.

You sigh heavily as you set your phone back down, returning to your almost finished makeup. Just because you aren't going out doesn't mean you can't look good.

You're still so surprised he asked you to be his fake date to his New Year's Eve party. Both because you were surprised he was hosting a party to begin with, and because he needed a fake date.

But that was just it, he didn't need a fake date. He wanted to get his friends off his back with the constant set ups and double dates they'd plan for him. What he really needed to do was tell them the truth, just like he told you. He didn't want to date, at least not right now. He said his mind was on other things. That was understandable, so you weren't sure why he couldn't just tell them that...

A part of you feels bad for not helping Bucky out, but the other part of you knows you'd feel like a total outsider at a small party being attended by the avengers.

Like, the real-life superhero team, The Avengers.

That was an immediate 'no thank you'.

You were content to spend the night alone; just you, your grapes, and some apple cider to cheers to the new year.

--

The television plays on, another episode of a show you've seen ten times before just starting up, as a knock sounds at your door.

You furrow a brow as your head shoots in its direction. It only takes a second for you to come to the conclusion that it must be Bucky. You set your drink down and stand from where you were sitting cozily on your couch.

You fix your dress, and for no reason at all, check yourself in the mirror before you near the door, making sure your makeup isn't smudged and your hair still looks nice as you do.

There's another knock as you get to it and you open your door with a bit of attitude at his impatience.

"Bucky, how many times-" you're stopped short as you quickly see that the man before you is, in fact, not Bucky. "Oh, uhm, sorry, can I help you?" you ask.

"Yeah," the man laughs, "I'm here for the party. This is the right apartment, isn't it? Bucky Barnes?" he asks, looking at you quizically.

"No," you answer, "no, wrong apartment. He's just," again you're cut off, but this time by the door right down the hall opening, none other than Bucky peeking out to look down at you and - oh my god wait...is this - this is - holy shit you're talking to Captain America. Your eyes round as you look from Bucky back over to the man before you. "Oh, gosh, you, you're,"

"Sam Wilson," he smiles brightly at you, extending a hand. You shake hands as he continues, "and you must be-"

He is cut off from saying your name as it comes out of Bucky's mouth, almost frantically. You look from Sam back over to Bucky, your eyes still wide.

"I know you're still getting ready, but would you come here for just a second," he nods at you. You look once more between Sam and Bucky, your eyes narrowing as they land back on your own personal pain in the ass. What the hell is he up to... You and Sam go to walk over to him but Bucky speaks again. "Not you, Sam. You stay there," he says in a fuss. Sam puts his hands up, a look of confusion clear on his face at Bucky's demand.

You continue toward him and as soon as you're close enough to touch, he pulls you to him, turning you both so Sam can't see what you're saying. It's a hushed conversation, a whispered argument, really.

"You have to come over."

"No, I really don't."

"You do."

"I don't."

"You're staying."

"No, I'm not."

"You're staying. I'm not letting you leave," he says, trying to corral you into his apartment as you swipe at him, a back and forth of swats ensuing between the two of you.

"Bucky!" you finally whisper yell, stopping the battle as you ball your fists, almost stomping like a toddler in your annoyance. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I lied."

"Huh? To me? About what?"

"To all of you. But mostly them. I told them you'd be here. Because I thought you would be. But then you said you weren't coming, but I couldn't tell them that or they'd think I was just making up another lie about you..."

"Another lie?"

"I...may have... told my friends that we're dating and have been for a few weeks," he murmurs under his breath, so quiet you can barely hear his confession.

"You what?" you balk, trying your hardest to squash the stupid butterflies that are fluttering around in your stomach now at the idea of not only dating Bucky, but of being someone he brings up in conversation to other people.

"Alright, love birds, cute as this is, are one of you gonna invite me in or am I just supposed to stand here awkwardly in your hallway all night?" Sam interjects, walking to you both as you turn your heads to look at him.

Bucky turns entirely, moving closer to you, slipping his arm behind your back and resting his hand on your hip, "Yeah, welcome in. Steve said he'd be here with beer in a few minutes," Bucky says, an annoyed edge to his voice as he lets Sam through the door. Sam raises a brow at you and you force a smile. As soon as he's inside, Bucky snaps the door shut behind him, leaving you both in the hallway still.

"What the hell," Sam says, loud enough for you to hear through the door.

"Look, it started as a lie to get out of a date, but then I just kept using you an excuse to not go to things I didn't wanna go to. And ya know, more than half the time I wasn't really lying because I was with you," he tries to excuse himself.

"Are you insane?" you ask him plainly.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I really need you to be here tonight, please," he begs, his puppy eyes starting to get to you.

"You had only asked me to be your fake date."

"Yeah, once you said yes, I was gonna work the girlfriend thing in," he smiles wryly, rubbing the back of his neck in his anxiousness.

"You're ridiculous, you know that?"

"Is that a yes?"

You roll your eyes before acquiescing, "Fine. But you've gotta come clean tomorrow. You can't start the new year with secrets, it doesn't bode well for anyone."

"Deal," he smiles his real smile this time. Then his eyes drift down to your outfit and you warm, like you always do, under his attention. "You look good," he says softly, sincerity in his voice.

"Thanks," you accept quickly. You will not let him fluster you so easily. Not tonight.

--

More of Bucky's friends arrive soon after you get back from your apartment, your bag of grapes and bottle of unopened cider in hand. Bucky introduces you to each of them and you're now unsurprised that they know your name and exactly who you are. And you, for your part, are in awe of each and every one of them. Though you like to think you don't make it obvious.

And it's surprising how normal it all feels.

You for sure thought you'd be a nervous wreck around these people, but, especially with Bucky by your side, you've never felt so calm and comfortable, and at a party of all places. Though you suppose it helps that you're already so comfortable around his apartment. Still, it's nice. They're nice. And fun!

Card games are played, karaoke sung, and stories told as you all snack and chat the evening away.

You're all laughing as Sam talks about how everyone was sure Bucky had been making you up like a summer camp girlfriend after the fifth time he claimed you were sick or out of town so you couldn't show up to the events they had invited you to. Of course, you had no idea about any of them, but you do know where you were each and every night they brought up.

You were here.

With Bucky.

So, he wasn't completely lying. You smile and look to Bucky who stands right next to you. Your eyes instantly meet his, a smile of his own already gracing his face. You look back down, bashful despite yourself.

The night has passed so quickly and it's already nearing midnight. You're about to go get your grapes ready, but Steve's voice stops you, catching your attention.

"Ya know, I can't even remember the last time I've seen you look so happy, Buck," Steve smiles as he looks at the two of you. "I'm really happy for you, both of you,” he adds. “It's obvious how much you two care about each other. It's good to see."

You don't know what to say, and you're too scared to look at Bucky. You just force another smile, feeling a bit sad more than anything. Because this isn't real. Whether you'd like it to be or not. It isn't. You have to remind yourself of that.

Bucky's hand squeezing your waist, and the feeling of his admiring gaze on you as he pulls you closer to his side, doesn't help. It just makes that pit in your stomach grow deeper.

This is easy for him because it means nothing.

This is killing you because it means everything. It’s everything you never give yourself permission to dream about. Everything you want. And it’s what you know isn’t for you. It couldn’t be.

Just a few more minutes, you breathe, and then you'll go back to normal. No dating, just friends...just friends? Whatever it is you are to him...

You're lost in thought as the conversation continues around you, Bucky's hand never leaving you and his gaze never wavering. Even as he engages in the conversation, his attention is solely on you.

"Oo, countdown is going!"

The yell pulls you out of your head as your eyes snap to the television. What the hell! How did you just lose eight minutes? Damn Bucky always taking up your thoughts and distracting you.

You don't have the time to get to the fridge for your grapes as the kitchen is crowded, flutes of cider and champagne being passed out among the group.

You tsk, oh well. At least you have on your red underwear.

As the count gets lower, Bucky gets closer, and you mindlessly lean back into him as you watch the live broadcast from Time Square. Ten seconds hits and you all count along, Bucky's other arm comes around as he holds you from behind. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Bucky turns you around in his arms, catching you off guard as you look up at him, your hands coming to rest on his chest.

Two.

He leans in, and you're frozen. His nose brushes yours, as his lips brush against your own. Oh.

One.

"Happy New Year," he whispers against you, cheers and exclamations of the same sentiment shared all around the living room, between everyone else.

"Happy New Year," you whisper back breathily before you unthinkingly press closer to him.

His lips meet yours as he leans in ever closer and kisses you, so softly. Your eyes flutter closed as you return his affection, kissing back harder than you intend before you break away. It feels like magic, it feels like home. And you want nothing more than to do it again. To lose yourself in him so delightfully…

You remember yourself then and almost shy away completely before Bucky takes your face in his hand, turning you back to him. You lock eyes once more and you feel like you can't breathe at what you see in his. You don't have time to think on it before his eyes flick down to your lips and then he's kissing you again. His lips press harder against yours, still moving just as gently but somehow it feels much more intimate. Sincere. Real.

You deepen the kiss and then suddenly the whooping and claps around you both bring you back to reality.

You pull away, taking a sobering breath, blinking away the haze of longing as Bucky's delicate touch remains on your cheek. You gingerly reach to take his hand, slowly pulling it off of you. You hold it for a second, squeezing his hand before letting it drop.

The celebration continues all around but you need to get yourself together. Alone.

"'M gonna use the bathroom," you whisper to him, knowing he can hear you even through the din.

You exchange 'Happy New Year' exclamations with everyone you pass on your way to his bathroom and bid goodnight to the people already getting ready to head home. A lot of them have early mornings at the tower, so you get it.

There are only a few people in the living room with Bucky as you look back before you escape to the bathroom, taking your time to decompress.

Sam, Steve, and Nat were talking with him, but his eyes were on you when you looked at them.

You knew this was a bad idea. You knew you'd get caught up in the fantasy. And somehow, he still got you to do it. You curse yourself in the mirror and then notice your smudged lipstick.

The thought of your lipstick staining Bucky's lips right out there has you in a flurry of emotions...

He kissed you. Twice. That actually happened. But did it really mean anything?

Your heart twists as you refuse to believe it could have. You just need to... God, you don't know what you need. All you know is right now you can't stop thinking about Bucky's hands on you. You can't stop thinking of how soft and supple his lips are. And how damn good of a kisser he is.

You look at yourself once more in the mirror.

Fucking hell. What are you gonna do? You sigh, eyes squeezing shut before you shake your head at yourself.

You turn back to the door, opening it right when someone's knock hits.

You're somehow surprised, and yet not at all, to see Bucky staring back at you as you pull it open wider.

"Hey," you say, raising a brow and shoving every fuzzy feeling threatening to strangle you back down.

"Hey," he started. "Everyone left. I just, uh. Wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah, I'm good," you nod.

"I'm sorry. About kissing you."

"Oh," you utter - sounding more dejected than you wanted to. "Yeah, no. Don't, don't even worry about it." You muster a shamefully see through smile.

His stare is near invasive as he really looks at you, analyzing you. He opens his mouth to speak, but thinks better of it, instead giving you a tight lipped smile in return.

He nods, then looks to the floor, "Okay," he accepts.

You nibble your lip, crossing your arms as he still stands in front of you.

He notices and moves out of your way, offering a small sorry and a huff of a laugh.

You walk back out into the living room as he follows.

"Wow, this place is a mess,” you breathe a laugh, hoping to keep the subject change.

"Yeah," he agrees, "I'll be having fun tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" you question. "Are you busy now?"

"... I guess not."

"Then grab a garbage bag, Barnes. We've got work to do."

He laughs, "Oh, yeah? You're gonna stay and help me clean up?"

"What are friends for if not clean up?"

He smiles at you as his mind replays his conversation with Sam, Steve and Nat just minutes ago.

He told them the truth about you, and their reaction wasn't what he expected, but definitely what he needed.

"Wait, sorry, you're not dating her?" Nat asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, I'm confused, too," Sam added. "You guys act more like a couple than most couples I know."

"And she's cute, you seem perfect together."

"Well, we're not. Not, not perfect together," he amended, "I mean we're just not together. We're friends. Nothing more."

"Looks like a hell of a lot more, if you ask me..."

"So," Steve finally chimed in, "you spend all that time together, you talk about her constantly, and I saw the way you kissed her at midnight, Buck, but you're telling us it's nothing more than friendship?"

Bucky didn't know what to say. But he knew Steve knew what he was really feeling. He knew exactly what he wasn't saying.

"Do you want it to be more?" he asked. "Because from an outsider's perspective, it seems like you have everything with her but the label."

"I..." Bucky looked around, making sure you hadn't snuck back out of the bathroom yet, "yeah. I do want it to be more. She's, fuckin' perfect," he breathed a laugh as his thoughts, as they always do, strayed back to you. That familiar warmth that fills his chest anytime you're near, or hell, anytime he so much as thinks your name, returned to him. And suddenly his thoughts went back to the softness of your cheek as he held you close earlier. How pliant and perfectly your lips moved against his as you kissed him back. Not once, but twice.

Even still, he thinks back to when he told you why he was so reluctant to go on the dates his friends kept setting up for him. It was a lie when he said it was because he didn't want to date right now... well, partially. He really didn't want to date around. And his mind was focus on other things.

Other things, of course, being you.

When you nodded and told him you got it, that you felt the same way, his heart felt like it deflated by ten.

He was getting ready to finally make his move and ask you out, for real this time. But how could he do that now? He didn't want to be another guy you had to swat away, he couldn't be another one of your rejections. And you gave out plenty, always to his selfish delight if he was being honest. In fact, he can't remember the last time you actually went out on a date. It's been months...

Most of your nights are spent together. Just the two of you. But if you weren't wanting to date anyone right now, and he asked you, he couldn't be sure what you'd say. More importantly, where it'd leave you.

Bucky wasn't stupid, he wasn't blind, and he wasn't deaf. He had every confirmation he could ever want that you liked him the same way he liked you. But he didn't want to chase you away by pressuring a relationship, especially if that's not what you want.

"It's clear she likes you, too, ya know," Steve pointed out what he thought was the obvious.

"I know, I just. I don't wanna push her away by moving too fast. I don't think she's looking to date anybody right now,"

"If you don't ask, you'll never know."

He knew they were right. He needed to just bite the bullet and ask you outright. And he would.

But as he watches you glide around his kitchen, so at home, putting things back in their rightful places and throwing away the random garbage left behind, he thinks maybe not tonight… He doesn’t want to ask a question that might make you leave. But then again…what if it makes you stay?

"Chop chop, supersoldier," you admonish him as he continues to watch, staring dreamily at you. Your back is to him so you can't see his face, but you can feel the weight of his gaze.

Bucky follows your lead, tossing away the empty cups and putting away the leftover food and drinks while you wipe down the counter.

It really wasn't that much of a mess, but you're glad to get it cleaned now, so you won't have to worry about it tomorrow.

Wait...why would you be worried about it tomorrow? This isn't your apartment. God, you really are always over here, aren't you...

You turn to Bucky as he ties off the bag of trash.

You just look at him for a minute. Admiring him from mere feet away while he does the same to you. It's quiet between the two of you, but you can feel the charged silence as it brims with words unsaid.

You know what you want to do right now. But you do what you think you should instead.

"I guess I'll head out, then."

"Oh," he breathes.

"Oh?"

"I just, uh,” he shakes his head, "Never mind."

"No, what is it?" you prod, now entirely curious.

Bucky's bright eyes flash back up to yours and you see him search for what to say instead of saying what was on his mind.

"Your grapes," he remembers, turning to the fridge to get them for you, "you didn't eat them."

"Oh, yeah, well, too late now," you laugh softly.

"What's your resolution?" he asks.

"That's not how the grapes work, Bucky."

"Come on," he goads. "What's your resolution? I wanna know."

"Hmm. Well, good question," you think for a moment, watching him as he rinses off a bunch, then pulls two grapes from their stems. You mindlessly purse your lips as you think. "I want to be less scared," you start quietly, eyes meeting his intent gaze, when he looks back at you, "More confident," you add with a little nod.

"You, more confident?" he asks. "You're one of the most confident people I know. And I know Thor," he adds, getting the laugh he was hoping for from you.

You shrug, "Fake it til you make it." You give a soft, almost sad smile. It physically hurts him to see that hint of sadness in your eyes, and he wants nothing more than to do whatever he can to take it away. He hands you one of the two grapes and you raise a brow as you take it.

"And you?"

Your heart rate kicks up as he steps close, invading your space and standing right before you.

"I…would like to communicate better."

You huff a laugh, tittering, "Yeah, that's a good one."

"Let's both start right now," he says, holding up his grape.

"Okay. Let's," you hold up your own grape, bumping it into Bucky's as if you were toasting before you both pop your own grape into your mouth, stupid smiles on both of your faces.

As you finish, Bucky takes a step closer, surprising you as you look up to him. A bit of deja vu coming over you as you swallow hard. You wait a long breath for him to say something. And then he finally does.

"So. This is me, trying to communicate better: I'm not really sorry that I kissed you. Either time. And if I'm being entirely honest, I'd really like to kiss you again right now."

You're stunned silent and you think you can hear your blood rushing in your ears as you blink up at him.

It takes you a moment before you think you can respond, but Bucky speaks again before you do.

"But I'm not going to do that. Because I want to do this right. In fact, I've been wanting to do this right for months."

"Bucky?" you murmur quietly.

"Doll, will you do me the pleasure of accompanying me to dinner and a movie this Friday?" he asks sincerely.

Your mouth is dry and you have to force yourself to swallow hard again so you can speak. "We always do dinner and movies on Fridays," you point out.

"I mean as a date," he clarifies, holding himself to his resolution.

You stare at him, unsure of what to say. Well, that's not true. You know what you want to say. You know what you want to do. You want to say yes, and you want to lean into him again and indulge him in one more kiss, because you want to kiss him as badly as he wants to kiss you. But that terrified voice in the back of your head is currently telling you to make a run for home as fast as you can. You want to fight the fear, really you do.

Bucky is keeping his resolution already, you're just not sure if you can do the same.

"Uhm," you drone awkwardly.

He laughs that nervous laugh you rarely get to hear...the one you love.

"Is that a yes?" he asks with a hopeful wince.

It takes you a second and then your mouth moves before your brain does as you respond to him.

You stand there, a bit shocked at your own answer, and not entirely sure where to go from here...

[bluebeary-jay]

scattered thoughts / sharp focus

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel is taken away from you and upon finding him almost-dead... something in you snaps ((kinda part 2 to clouded judgment / clear mind, but you don't necessarily need to read that one))

Tags: ANGST, angst with happy ending, near death experiences, Joel has surprisingly little screen time but you'll see he was there in spirit

Warnings: REALLY graphic descriptions of violence, small panic attacks, KINDA torture(?) 😳, choking, lemme know if i missed something

Word count: 7.5K

A/N: i can't believe i've finally finished it! i aimed for a worthy successor to cj/cm aaand i hope i managed but jeez was it hard. also i told myself i won't be writing sth like that again but i kinda have an idea for the final part (would be hurt/comfort 🤭) so let me know if it's sth you'd like to read. anyway as always happy reading!! 💕🥰 comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, i absolutely love seeing what you think of my fics!

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You swallowed your tears and rested the chin on your hands, trying to push back the wave of panic threatening to drown you.

“Tell me again.”

Tommy sighed, his own eyes empty and worried.

“I don’t know who those guys were, but they obviously knew Joel. There was a dark man leadin’ them, and I think he had somethin’ wrong with his lip, but it was too far for me to take a good look. The group consisted of five, maybe six people? And I shot one of them, but he appeared to still be alive when they were leavin’.”

You were silent for a couple of seconds, trying to make sense of it all.

“And where did they take him?”

“I reckon to the old ski resort on the top of the mountain. We ventured pretty far from here to investigate these tracks.”

You nodded and steeled yourself, taking a deep, trembling breath and quickly drying your tears.

“Okay. I’m going.”

“You’re not.” Maria leaned over the table, her expression unyielding. “The decision is final.”

“I am going,” you repeated fiercely, slamming the flat of your hand against the tabletop, but Tommy gave you a stern look, which made you bite your tongue. “Look, I get that you don’t want to lose even more people in a rescue mission–”

“This is not what it’s about,” Maria retorted, almost looking hurt by your words. “Believe me, if I wasn’t carrying another human being inside me, I’d already be going after them. But you have to take other things into consideration.”

“She’s right,” Tommy spoke up quietly, though equally irritably, and you turned sharply to look at him in disbelief. “The route to the resort is very advantageous to fall into an ambush. They could shoot us off like ducks and we’d have nowhere to hide.”

“I don’t care,” you ground out, looking from one to the other. “We can’t leave Joel. He’s your family, for goddamn–”

“You think I don’t know that?!” shouted Tommy abruptly, bringing his hand down onto the table, too. “He’s my fucking brother and was family way before you were even born!”

“Tommy.” Maria kicked him under the table, keeping one hand on her belly. Her husband flared his nostrils, clearly agitated by your words, but you were too angry yourself to care right now. You two glared at each other for some time before Tommy clenched his fists and turned around.

“M’goin’ to get some air,” he said gloomily over his shoulder, already at the door leading outside. Maria sighed and looked at you again.

“Please. Don’t do anything stupid, and I swear I’ll send a group out as soon as this blizzard ends.”

“He can be long dead by then,” you answered gravely, really set off by Tommy’s reaction and his words. You tried to will your tear ducts to hold any signs of stress and worry, not wanting to show your friend how broken and helpless you felt inside. “If it was me, he’d already be halfway there to save me, Maria.”

“I know. But just think about it. If something happens to you…” She shook her head. “How do you think I’d be able to look Joel in the eyes and explain why… how…”

She genuinely seemed at a loss of words, and you sighed, rubbing your eyes tiredly.

“I understand where you’re coming from, I really do. But I need to get him home, Maria. I have to.”

With that, you stood up, feeling like you were going to suffocate if you stayed in the room any longer. You didn’t look back even when you heard Maria calling your name softly.

There wasn’t any sense in discussing the matter with any of them – you made up your mind to go and save Joel and there was no way anyone would make you stay. He wouldn’t hesitate to go and get you if anyone dared to lay a hand on you.

You remembered that one time when he killed a group of men who wanted to use you as a bargaining chip to gain entry to Jackson. And how afterward you told him you’d do the same for him, unable to bear the painful and guilty expression on his face.

Now you planned on doing just that.

You were scared – of course you were, you weren’t stupid – and the nerves were practically eating you alive, gnawing at your bones and hurting your muscles from the inside out.

But the worst was the fear of never seeing Joel again. Of something happening to him. And you couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t at least try…

“I’m coming with you.”

Your head snapped to the side. There stood Ellie – dressed in a warm jacket and a hat that didn’t cover her ears. Her eyes were full of fire, and you recognized the anger and determination in her expression as the same which were almost suffocating you.

Of course she was eavesdropping on the conversation. It was Joel that it was about, after all, her dad in all but one sense.

And suddenly you understood what Maria meant by not being able to look Joel in the eyes if something happened to you.

“No,” you said curtly, walking past her and out onto the street in the direction of your house.

“I’m not asking for permission.” Ellie was right behind you, and the force of her steps showed just how angry and frustrated she was – just like you felt. “I know you’re gonna go after those guys, and I’m coming with you.”

“You’re not,” you repeated more sternly, not turning around to face her. You reached your house and fumbled to open the door. “You’re staying and that’s fina–”

You stopped yourself and sighed, pressing your forehead against the wooden surface.

It was unfair. You were unfair. If those exact words spoken by Maria have set you off so much, you wouldn’t be surprised if Ellie…

“You’re not my fucking mom, remember?” the girl barked angrily, and you let out a shuddering breath, stressed to your limits with everything that happened in the last few hours. “You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do just because you’re older!”

It’s okay. It’s gonna be fine. Everything is gonna be okay.

“I know,” you whispered after a couple of seconds of silence, still not turning around. “I’m sorry.”

Ellie didn’t answer. You repeated your quiet mantra and glanced over your shoulder at her. “But Ellie, I… I can’t let you go. Joel would never forgive me if something happened to you.”

Jesus. Exactly like Maria.

Ellie still looked pissed at your earlier words, and she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Well, you’re not the only one who cares about him, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. But you’re the one he cares about the most.”

Ellie opened her mouth. Closed it and furrowed her eyebrows, but the irritation in her eyes dimmed. You gave her a small, apologetic smile, trying not to burst into tears.

“He’s gonna be fine, you know,” you lied smoothly, opening the door. “And Maria said she’ll send a group to retrieve him as soon as the storm eases up a bit.”

You didn’t even need to look to know that she didn’t believe you. To be honest, you wouldn’t believe yourself either in this situation.

You waited several seconds to see if the girl wanted to say something else, but after a few moments she spun on her heel and went back, not saying anything. You stared after her, but when the thick snow made her figure just a fuzzy shape, you gently closed the door and pressed the heels of your hands to your eyes.

It’s going to be fine. You’ll get Joel back and all will be okay.

You took a couple of deep – albeit shaky – breaths to pull yourself together, and when you were pretty sure you weren’t about to start crying, you made your way into the kitchen. And stopped short.

At your table sat Tommy, fiddling with his thumbs.

“Fuck, Tommy,” you mumbled, trying to calm down your pounding heart. “You scared the crap out of me.”

The younger Miller looked up, but stayed silent. You looked at each other for a few tense moments, but ultimately you sighed and left him in the kitchen, going to your room to get a backpack and another, more fitting, set of clothes.

He was still there when you returned to the kitchen with your stuff, but you didn’t even pretend you weren’t preparing to head out. The man watched silently as you put the backpack down by the door, went to retrieve and reload your gun, and gathered some essentials on the table, not once glancing in his direction.

You were persistent in ignoring Tommy’s presence, but then he finally spoke up.

“We can go before dawn. I’ll get the horses ready and we will take the fourth gate.”

You froze and stopped what you were doing, then turned around and placed your hand on your hip.

“We can’t take horses up there. Not in this weather.”

“We’ll leave them at the fifteenth checkmark. That place in the East where there are so many swallows durin’ spring.”

You nodded, and your gaze softened when you looked him over. Tommy was just as worried about Joel as you were, you knew it. He was just better at hiding it.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” you murmured, feeling terrible that in such a short amount of time, it was a second person you were apologizing to. “But you know I have to go after him. You know that.”

“Fuck,” he swore quietly, sighing. “Yeah, I know. There’s no way I ain’t goin’ either. Just… I just hate doing somethin’ behind Maria’s back.”

You didn’t answer – because what could you say? That he didn’t have to go with you? As much as you wanted to save Joel, pretending not to care about the dangers or anyone’s opinion, you knew you’d probably die if you went alone. But it didn’t mean you were going to ignore all that Tommy was risking by coming along with you.

“You don’t have to, Tommy,” you whispered. “You have your wife to think about, after all. And your–”

“I know,” he interrupted glumly. “Don’t worry. All of us will come back.”

You nodded. You really hoped he was right.

*****

At first, everything was going according to plan.

At least, until Ellie decided to show up.

She surprised both you and Tommy a couple of miles outside of Jackson, probably thinking that it was far enough that you won’t try to send her away.

You tried anyway. You were understandably furious, not only because she didn’t listen to you, but also that she trailed after you both for so long in this weather. Her reveal caused a short screaming match and a couple of nervous tears shed by you, but eventually you and Tommy decided it’d be more dangerous to make Ellie go back to Jackson alone. So she continued with you to the house where you left your horses, then past it and in the direction of the ski resort.

You didn’t know how many people were at the resort, and there were only the two of you – well, three, counting Ellie, but no matter her stubbornness, you weren’t going to let her go in – and an attack was too risky in this situation.

So you decided to sneak in. To distract and draw the kidnappers’ attention long enough for you to get Joel out.  It was still stupidly risky, but it wasn’t like there were much more options that wouldn’t end in those guys killing all of you. The plan was that Tommy would find a vantage point and be on guard to take down any threats with his sniper rifle if you were noticed, while you go get Joel.

Ellie… Ellie didn’t take no for an answer. And as much as you hated that she tagged along on this dangerous rescue mission, you had to admit that she came prepared. Apparently some time ago Joel taught her how to make trap mines and she pitched the idea of planting some up the mountain to create an avalanche.

Well, you and Tommy were both very much against setting off a full-blown avalanche, but it wasn’t a bad idea per se. So it was agreed that Tommy will help her set the bombs in some strategic places while you wait for a signal to go in.

The sneaking in part was surprisingly easy. The people staying there didn’t leave any guards outside, probably because they didn’t expect that someone would actually look for them in this weather, and it seemed that there weren’t that many of them inside like you feared. You had a vague idea where Joel might be, based on the positioning of the people present, so you reckoned it’ll be the wisest to wait nearby.

It took about an hour of hiding in one of the empty rooms (you had to change your hiding spot once, because someone decided to randomly sweep the perimeter) before you heard distant explosions and panicked, angry yells, and then a rumble of the mountain. You suspected a fair amount of snow was falling down the slope, and you prayed that Ellie and Tommy were in a safe place when that happened.

You heard the sound of footsteps getting further away. Then more of it. It was eerily silent, and you counted to ten in your head, before slowly exiting your hiding spot.

Just as you suspected, Joel was held in the lobby, tied to one of the decorative columns, and even though his back was to you, you’d recognize him anywhere, even by hands or the back of his head alone. A quick glance around the room confirmed that there was no one around, but still you preferred to stay on guard. You silently tip-toed to where he was sitting on the floor, mindful of all the debris scattered on the floor and keeping your head low, and breathed a sigh of relief when you finally reached him.

“Don’t move,” you whispered, barely moving your lips. Your fingers touched his wrist and he budged slightly. You angled your face closer to the left side of his head, hoping he’ll hear you better this way. “It’s me, Joel. I’m gonna get these off you, okay?”

Not waiting for the reply, you took out your knife and started to cut the thick, coarse rope binding Joel’s wrists. You winced at the burns underneath, but you managed not to cut him, which was a feat with how tight the ropes were. He was very still, probably not wanting to handicap you.

“Okay,” you whispered when the last of the thick strands were cut through, and you carefully slid the remnants of the rope from his wrists. “Now follow me, Tommy is…”

Your voice died down when Joel’s arms loosely slumped down, along with his head, and a second later his torso started tilting to the side before heavily hitting the ground.

Your heart stopped in your chest.

“No.” The whispered word escaped you when you hurried around him, now not caring about staying hidden. “No, no, no, please…”

You rolled Joel onto his back and only now saw the damage done to him – his nose broken, face covered in blood, a gash under his left ear, and a still bleeding gunshot wound in his arm. He didn’t look dead, didn’t have that lifeless emptiness around him, but his eyes were closed and his chest was still. You put your ear to his mouth, desperate to feel his breath on your skin, but…

No, it can’t be, it can’t…

You couldn’t feel anything.

“Joel,” you said quietly, taking his face between your hands, but tears were blurring your vision. “Come on, please open your eyes.” A choked sob broke out of your throat and you shook your head when he still didn’t even as much as stir. “Love, please…”

That’s when your eyes landed on a small, glass vial lying discarded some feet away. You looked from it to Joel, tears clouding your vision, and scrambled forward to check it out.

As you suspected, the syringe – because that’s what it turned out to be – had the traces of a thick, translucent liquid in it left. There wasn’t any writing on it, but the glass was clean, unlike various other bottles and wrappings scattered throughout the facility. You stared at it for a couple of seconds, then fixed your gaze on Joel again.

Just as the sound of footsteps started to echo down the hall.

You froze and strained your ears to make sure you didn’t imagine it, then took a look around the room. The doors were slightly ajar, but whoever was coming here, they couldn’t see you just yet. Panic seized your insides and you turned to Joel again.

“Sweetheart, please wake up,” you whispered pleadingly, shaking his shoulders and slapping his cheek lightly. “Come on, look at me, open your eyes…"

The steps were getting louder by the second. You tore the glove off your hand with your teeth and tried to very quickly check Joel’s pulse, but either in your panic you couldn’t find it, or the heartbeat was too slow for you to pick up.

You didn’t consider any other option.

There wasn’t much time left, so finally you left him and quietly went to hide behind the door, waiting for the incomer to walk in. Your hand reached for the gun on your belt.

And paused.

There couldn’t be any other option… right? Joel was alive, you just failed to find his pulse. He…

He was lying, still in the place you left him, and you couldn’t see his chest moving. The blood was flowing from the wound in his arm, staining his jacket and the floor… Your hand, the one holding the pistol, was covered in it, too…

Then you did something you never expected of yourself.

The gun stayed in its holster, and you went to grab from the ground one of the heavier pieces of debris you noticed before, a long metal pipe. Your hands tightened on the metal, and your eyes stayed on Joel’s lifeless form. You took a stifled, nervous breath. Then a deep, steadying one.

The person in the hall was really close now. Joel still didn’t appear to be moving or breathing, and it made your own chest feel tight and painful.

He couldn’t be dead. He couldn’t.

But if they did this, if… if he won’t ever open his beautiful brown eyes again, say your name in that entricing raspy drawl…

The doors to your right opened and your face twisted in rage and resentment. Your muscles tensed and focus sharpened.

The man who walked through the door made a noise of surprise at the sight of Joel lying on the floor – and that inhaling sound, that maddening noise seemed to taunt you, because how dared he breathe when Joel’s own breath was stolen from him, when you weren’t sure if it was still there – right before you stepped forward and swung the pipe with all your might.

The man – dark skin, with short hair – fell down with a loud cry when the harsh metal hit him right in the temple. Your eyes scanned his figure for a weapon, and you hit him again, this time somewhere near his stomach, when he made a move to reach for his knife.

“What did you give him?!” you asked with malice and venom that were so alien to you, you almost didn’t recognize your voice. The man’s eyes focused on you for the first time when you kicked his blade away, and his confusion turned to anger.

“Crazy bitch!” he spat, heaving for air, and lunged at you, but the open wound in his skull must’ve slowed him down, because without any problem you managed to raise your makeshift weapon before he could grab you.

Since you met him so many years ago, you always had Joel to watch your back. Now you were alone, but somehow that thought didn’t scare you. It exhilarated you.

An unpleasant, hair-rising crack echoed in the room, followed by the stranger’s scream, when the heavy metal smashed the bones in the forearm.

“I asked… a simple, fucking, question!” you snarled at the man, bringing the pipe down again, aiming for his hand this time. He moved it away at the last second, which enraged you even more, so with a mad, frustrated scream, you smashed his knee, using the pipe’s momentum when it bounced off the floor. “What the fuck did you do to him?!!”

He screamed, loudly and terribly, cursing at you with every shaky breath he took, and–

You felt so unlike you, so… out of your skin, somehow… but you wanted to make him suffer. You wanted to know this inhuman cry of pain that was reverberating through the walls of the resort was your doing and your power over this bastard. Because of what they did to Joel.

Then a loud bang rang out in the air, and you instinctively ducked your head when a part of the door to your side was shot off. You dropped the pipe – no use for it now – and drew your gun, noticing with surprise that your heart was steady and your breath even, as if you didn’t almost get shot just now.

Another bullet was sent in your direction, and a woman’s voice yelled something inaudible, while you stood still and counted the seconds.

Three, two…

In a rapid movement, you came out of cover and aimed at the person standing in the hall, firing twice. The first bullet hit the woman in the arm while the second seemed to burrow itself in her stomach. She fell backwards with a curt cry, and the man lying at your feet roared with rage.

“No! You fucking bitch, leave her alone!!”

Your motions were almost automatic as you put your gun away and picked up the metal pipe again, its end splattered with blood. The man in front of you had to see something in your eyes – despair? emptiness? hatred? – because his face fell and he started quietly begging for you to stop and let him go. At least that’s what you assumed he was saying, because you didn’t listen to him one bit.

“Do not…” you started, unexpectedly calmly, bringing the end of the blunt weapon down. The impact caused his shinbone to break, and you lingered for just a moment to hear the bitter cracks of the shattered bones, “fucking… go anywhere. Don’t you dare move, hear me?”

The man didn’t answer, just cursed and wept in pain. The sound was horrible, but you almost didn’t notice it – or more accurately, didn’t care. Which would be even more concerning if you weren’t aware of the woman lying injured in the hall behind the door, and Joel, still unmoving and cold to the touch on the other side of the room.

Slowly, not hearing the black man’s cries or distant gunshots from where Tommy probably was taking down the enemies, and not caring about the blood of a stranger covering your jacket and pants, you dropped the pipe and took out your gun again. Then you made your way down the corridor, your eyes locked on the woman who shot at you.

She was groaning in pain, clutching at her stomach. When she noticed you, her hand reached for the pistol which lay discarded next to her, but you quickly lifted your own and aimed at her before she touched it.

“Don’t move,” you murmured, which would sound almost soft if it weren’t for the empty look in your eyes. The woman scanned you up and down, and slowly lifted her hands.

“Who are you?”

“What did you give him?” you asked like you didn’t hear her, coming closer to kick away her gun to the far end of the hall. The woman’s eyes followed the weapon, then shifted to you.

“Do you even know what that man did? What is he guilty of?”

“I know. Now answer the damn question. What did you give–”

The door on your left slammed open and you only had time to turn your head before a heavy body collided with you, pushing you to the wall. Your head hit the bricks with an echoing crack, knocking the breath out of you. A man who surprised you grabbed the material of your jacket and slammed you into the wall again, but you managed to grab his hair and yank it hard, which allowed you to step to the side and away from the point of disadvantage that being trapped against the wall was.

The man – taller than you, with a black eye and without one of the front teeth – was quick to recover, however, and catched the wrist of your hand that held the gun, pushing it to the side when you pulled the trigger. From the corner of your eye you could see the woman you shot curling up and covering her head, then trying to scamper away, but the wound in her stomach was a significant impediment.

You fired again, trying to wrestle the gun from the man, but his grip was strong and after a few seconds of struggle he managed to knock the weapon out of your grasp, sending it flying to where you kicked off the woman’s one earlier.

Not sooner than your hands were empty, his elbow collided with your face, hard, and you cried when a gush of blood started pouring from the broken nose and a cut on your lip. Fear washed over you, and sheer luck caused you to duck to the side in time, avoiding a fist to the temple.

You stumbled backwards a few unstable steps, breathing heavily. The guy was smirking, acting like he already won – but you weren’t about to die in this sleazy, stinky place, leaving Ellie all alone and never knowing why they abducted Joel in the first place.

Joel…

“You’ve made a huge mistake,” said the man quietly, taking one, then two steps forward and swinging again. You backed away a second time, feeling your heart pounding in panic and knowing you didn’t stand a chance against a man of his stature.

Finally your luck ran out, and the man managed to hit you in the jaw, making you taste blood on your tongue. Before you could recover, one of his hands shot forward and grabbed you by the throat, and then, still keeping his big hand on your neck, he brought your entire torso down, slamming you to the ground. You hit your head hard and the glass shards on the floor embedded themselves in your skin, but in the next moment the sound of your painful scream was cut short. The grip the man had on your throat tightened, and you started to have difficulty breathing.

Your eyes budged in fear as realization of what was happening dawned on you, and you started to kick and struggle wildly, reaching for your attacker’s face, but he moved out of reach, still putting his whole weight down on you.

Your fists were hitting his forearms, your nails scratching his cheeks, whatever to make him let go. But he didn’t, his hands still squeezing your throat so strongly and crushing your esophagus.

“After I kill you, I’ll go kill your friend,” your attacker snickered, smiling viciously as he watched ice-cold panic enveloping you. “He’s not worthy of keeping him alive that long, anyway.”

Something ignited inside you at his words.

Joel.

You suddenly remembered the many self-defense lessons Joel had given you, so that whenever he wasn’t there to protect you, you could do it yourself. He was always so afraid for your life…

Slowly and with great effort, your fingers crept down, searching for the handle of your hunting knife, while dark spots started to appear before your vision, partially covering the sneering face of the man crushing your windpipe. He said something else – something you didn’t even hear because of the ringing in your ears…

And then with the last bit of your strength, you yanked the knife out of its sheath and buried the blade in the side of his neck.

Several things happened simultaneously: the man cried in surprise and let you go, the woman shouted a warning – too late – and you swung your leg over him, straddling and stabbing the man over and over again. His neck, his chest, his face, you didn’t even see what you were hitting. Screaming your lungs out and burying the blade in him again, and again, and again.

And again.

With an outraged, desperate cry, the woman lunged at you, but the adrenaline coursing through your system made you not even register something cutting deeply the skin of your arm, your veins and muscles giving way. You spun around, tumbling with her to the ground, but quickly managed to pin her down, blocking her arms in place with your knees, and pressing the tip of your knife to her chest.

She immediately stopped moving.

“Last fucking chance,” you croaked with difficulty, your neck bruised and swollen. “What… did you give him?”

You didn’t know if it was the sight of you, bloodied and wounded, the fact that you just violently killed her friend, or something else entirely – but now the woman looked scared.

“Okay,” she whispered, trying not to breathe too deeply, and glanced nervously at the blade pressed against her skin. “Okay, I’ll tell you, just don’t… It was a tranquilizer. Nothing dangerous, we just put him to sleep for a couple of hours. He was putting up quite a fight and the guys were getting antsy that he’ll pull something off before–”

“He’s not breathing,” you rasped viciously, sputtering blood onto her face. The woman flinched and took a shaky breath.

“His heart rate is slowed down, but it doesn’t– it shouldn’t kill him.”

You clenched your teeth, then exhaled. Inhaled.

You have to take a grip of yourself. He is alive. He has to be…

Should be.

The weight with which you had pinned her to the ground became lighter, and the woman sighed with relief when you removed the sharp end from her chest.

“It shouldn’t… kill him?” you repeated emptily, trying to dismiss the pain in your throat when you were speaking.

“No.”

Your head was still buzzing, but you tried to push it to the side, to focus on what was important right now.

“Why… did you take him?”

And just with that one, quiet question, the woman’s expression changed. You were considering letting her go, since you already hurt her pretty badly, but the sudden shift in her behavior set off alarm bells in your head once more.

“He’s a murderer,” the woman said, as if it was the most obvious answer. “A monster that would do everyone a favor if he got put down.”

White, blinding fury flooded your veins and it felt almost as if electricity was cracking above your skin. Your hand held the knife tighter.

‘Put down’, like… like an animal. She was talking about the man you loved–

You weren’t able to stop the hatred and rage flowing out of every pore of your skin. In one swift motion you plunged the knife into the woman’s chest, making her choke and gasp in surprise.

“You cannot call him that,” you spluttered, barely able to speak from the pain. “You…”

And then your hand forced its way lower down, still holding the handle of your weapon. Cutting through the woman’s – now struggling and screaming in agony – abdomen and guts.

They went so far as to abduct Joel, they took him from you, hurt and shot him, wanted to torture him, to make him suffer before they ultimately kill him…

But they didn’t, he can’t be dead, he can’t–

The woman was conscious the entire time as you were ripping her insides apart, and her screams died down only after you reached the navel.

Your vision was blurry and faltering when you stood up, but your heart was still beating steadily. There was an echo of a scream in your ears, though you couldn’t tell if it was your or the dead woman’s voice.

There wasn’t anyone else in the hallway. In the back of your mind you hoped that Tommy took care of any remaining enemies, because if they’d come running here, you didn’t think you’d be able to hear them in time.

Clutching your injured arm, you slowly made your way to the room where you left Joel and the man who attacked you first. Your gun was lying near the entrance and you picked it up before pushing the door open and staggering inside.

The man wasn’t where you left him. Instead there was a big pool of blood, forming into a wide, smeared path leading further into the lobby. At the end of it you saw him, groaning and crawling to the exit.

You reloaded the gun and walked closer. At the sound, the man turned his head and his eyes widened when he saw you.

“You fucking psycho!” he spat, bracing himself on the elbow of his left arm – the only one still working. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! When she sees it, they’ll come for you, and they’ll make sure that the two of you will fucking pay for it!”

His words were flowing through you as you struggled to keep your vision focused. You felt weird – almost like waking up way too early and finding your body not listening to you entirely.

Then you realized. The hungry, burning anger was gone, the embers of hatred slowly dying out. There was only smoke and emptiness left inside you.

“I don’t care,” you mumbled, not loud enough for the man to hear you, but that didn’t matter – two seconds later he was dead, his brain splattered all over the floor behind him.

Your hand was shaking. Cold crept up your limbs, embracing and almost choking you as you breathed in, out, faster and faster as you finally comprehended what you did.

Your eyes moved down to the man’s indented knee, completely smashed into a bloody mess. The other limb was all wrong, his foot sticking in the opposite direction and no wonder he had to crawl to get away from you, you destroyed his legs, you…

You staggered backwards, your pupils darting to the hallway just for a second before returning to the battered corpse in front of you. The back of his skull was gone now, but how did he stay conscious for so long after you smashed his head with a metal pipe? There was so much blood on it… How much pain he must have felt after you left him?

And that woman… He begged you to leave her alone, and you… you ripped her open…

You moved back, back and further away, before tripping and falling to the floor. Your breaths were fast and shallow, and you reached for your neck, sore and swollen from almost being strangled, trying to will your lungs to work.

They were bad people. They took and hurt Joel, and planned to kill him. You had to kill them, they’d kill you in a heartbeat, they…

It wasn’t like you’ve never taken a life before, but it was the first time that you inflicted pain on somebody on purpose – not in self-defense, but because you wanted to retaliate. It was done in revenge.

You didn’t know for how long you had sat there when you heard someone saying your name. It sounded like… No, it couldn’t have been his voice, he was unconscious, he wasn’t breathing…

Suddenly, Tommy’s face appeared in your blurry field of vision – of course it was him, their voices were so similar, after all – and there was a deep crease between his brows. He looked worried and fearful, and–

“Snap out of it,” he said firmly, shaking your shoulders harder than he should have. Your name fell from his lips when you didn’t answer, and his eyes followed yours to a battered body on the floor. “Look at me. Look at me.” Tommy forcefully turned your chin in his direction, and his eyes were full of sorrow and pain. “You did what you had to do.”

You shook your head, swallowing the tears that streamed down your face. He didn’t know what you did. He didn’t understand what happened here, what happened with you… You yourself didn’t know what happened to you.

Tommy brought you closer to his chest, enveloping you in his strong embrace and the smell of leather and gunpowder. You choked on air, unable to stop the sobs racking your body, and deaf to his words, for the only thing you could hear were cracks of bones, screams of pain, and your own vengeful cries.

It was so loud in your mind that you almost missed a quiet grunt coming from behind you.

*****

Joel slowly opened his eye, then groaned and closed it again. He felt like shit and it was so hard to breathe, but he pushed through the pain and discomfort from the wound in his side, and tried again.

The first thing he saw was the greenish curtain, hiding the rest of the room from him, but judging by the fact that he was lying in bed, alive, with apparently all his wounds dressed, he figured it wasn’t the same place that group of angry youngsters took him to.

Lifting his head and turning it to the other side was a tremendous task, but it was so worth it – because there was you. Sitting in a chair next to him, asleep and with your head lying on folded arms on his bed. Joel smiled softly, but then furrowed his brows as a pang of anxiety shot right through him.

Your face was a mess, with cuts and bruises healing, your brow was split, and one of your forearms had a bandage wrapped around it, now a little dirty around the edges. Joel couldn’t see clearly, but your neck seemed… dark, as if the skin was bruised there, too.

What the hell happened?

He lifted his arm – the tingles and needles pierced his stiff limb – and brushed your cheek lightly, trying to wake you.

“Darlin’...” he murmured, and you stirred. He tried to say it again, louder this time, but his throat was scratchy and he winced at the feeling. There was no need for it, however, because in the next moment your eyes fluttered open and then widened when you took in the sight of him, realizing he’s awake.

“Joel!” Your hands – God, he missed the feeling of them – cupped his face gently, and your eyes filled with tears in the matter of seconds. “Oh my god, baby…”

“Hey, hey, I’m fine,” he breathed out quickly, not wanting to see you cry. “It’s okay, darlin’... I’m here.”

You sobbed with a dazzling smile, your beautiful eyes dancing across his features before you darted forward and pressed your lips to his firmly. Joel could almost taste the desperation and worry in your shaky breaths and tears that fell from your eyes and onto his tongue. He wanted to tangle his fingers in your hair and bring you in closer, but a sudden, sharp pain pierced his arm when he tried to move it, and he hissed into your mouth.

“Sorry,” you whispered and moved away quickly, letting out a broken laugh and brushing the unruly strands of hair away from his forehead. “I’m just so happy you’re okay.”

Joel wanted to ask what exactly had happened while he was out, but before he got a chance, you leaned in again and started softly peppering his face in kisses – first his cheek, then his forehead, then the tip of his nose and his chin. And Joel didn’t have the heart to stop you.

And that’s how Ellie found you both. She gagged when she saw the display of affection, but there was a grin on her face when he looked over at her.

“Gross,” she scrunched her nose. “But I’m glad to see you awake.”

“Yeah, well, I still feel pretty shitty,” he grunted, scanning the kid for any injuries, but she didn’t look any worse for the wear. His eyes strayed to your neck again, and the concern came back double-barreled. “What happened to you, sweetheart? Where–”

“I’ll… go get the doctor.” You stood up abruptly before he could finish, and looked over at Ellie. “Will you stay with him?”

“Yeah. Sure.” The teen shrugged, but now was avoiding Joel’s eyes, and he felt more uneasy and agitated by the second.

“Okay. Be right back, love. Gonna grab you some water, too.” You squeezed his hand and smiled. Joel’s eyes escorted you, and when he made sure you were out of the earshot, he turned to Ellie.

“What happened?”

“Well.” The teen blew out her cheeks and went to take a seat you previously occupied. “You were attacked during the patrol…”

“Yeah, no, that I remember,” Joel interrupted quietly. “They shot me, took me to that ski resort. But how am I here? Did she…”

He trailed off. Ellie looked at the curtain you disappeared behind, then back at Joel. “Listen, I wasn’t there, so m’not sure,” she mumbled quietly. “But after she and Tommy got you out, she was sorta… different.”

“Different how?” he asked sharply. Ellie bit the inside of her cheek, looking away. “Ellie.”

“I don’t know, okay?” she answered in a sudden burst. “She looked like hell. You saw her neck, I think someone tried to choke her, and she had an ugly cut on her leg, a fuckton of cuts and bruises… And the doctor spent hours getting all the glass shards out of her.”

Joel got up as much as he could, feeling a pit of anxiety rising in his chest. Ellie was silent for a while before she spoke again, this time surprisingly softly.

“Remember when you beat the shit out of that soldier when we were escaping QZ in Boston?” Joel nodded slightly – she did, too. “Yeah. She had a similar… kind of look on her face, and it looked… not exactly scary, but alien.” The teen looked up. “My guess is she did some fucked up shit to get to you. Tommy said she’s been having real bad nightmares since then, but he doesn’t want to tell me–”

Ellie snapped her mouth shut at the sound of footsteps, and a few seconds later you emerged from behind the curtain. You had a tall glass of water in your hand and a small, hopeful smile that grew when your eyes fell on Joel’s face.

“I know you’d probably prefer something stronger, but water will do you good,” you said, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they were just talking about you. Joel watched as you carefully sat down at the edge of his bed and put down the glass onto the table to his side. “One of the nurses will come here in a couple of minutes. You were unconscious for a couple of days so they want to make sure everything is okay.”

“I told you I’m fine, darlin’...”

“Please.” You gently took his hand in both of yours, staring at him with concern. “For me?”

Joel looked you over, his eyes lingering on your bruised neck and the bandage around your thigh which he didn’t notice before. Then he glanced at Ellie with worry, not knowing how to approach this problem or ask what exactly happened to you.

Your eyes were a little red and puffy, and he briefly thought about what the kid said: that you have had terrible nightmares, that apparently you went through some sort of hell to save him. It seemed that whatever you had done, it took its heavy toll on you. And he couldn’t bear it.

Joel hated the thought of you risking your life for him, of the experience branding you so deeply that you lost sleep because of it.

Because of him.

The only thing he could do right now was to be there for you. And maybe – just maybe, if he tried hard enough – to do something about those of your scars that he couldn’t see.

He lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it, keeping his eyes on yours the entire time.

“Okay,” came his soft answer, to which you smiled with relief. “Whatever you wish, darlin’.”

No snarky remark, no groaning or muttering could be heard from Ellie, and that worried Joel much more than he’d ever admit. He exchanged a worried look with her while you were distracted, drawing patterns on the back of his hand with tender fingers.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he heard you say quietly, though it was unclear whether you were talking to him or yourself.

Either way, Joel squeezed your hand tighter, now feeling oddly afraid of letting go.

“Yes, darlin’,” he confirmed in a soothing manner. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

[mikobeautifulheart]

Hiii, can I request a fic of nanami(established relationship) if he caught to in the act of trying to kill yourself. I get it if you won't do it though..❤

There is like nothing I won't write for I'm that desperate. Plus I have so many ideas.

Tw: self harm, destructive tendencies and depression (angst to ig)

They say you can tell when someone is going to commit. Obviously it isn't true.

You were the brightest person in the room, every morning when you were all getting assigned missions you would smile and greet everybody.

Nanami didn't know how you did it, always smiling when your job puts you to the dirtiest work of the world. Hell the day you stopped smiling was the day the world ended.

Maybe that's why he was so in love with you, you had so much affection to give him as he had for you, you could always smile brighter for him, laugh louder for him, all you ever did was make him happy.

"Y/n?" He said knocking on the bathroom door.

"Are you okay in there?" he said with little to no concern.

He had come home an hour ago and thought you must have still been on your mission because of how quiet the house was. That was until he heard noises in the bathroom.

"Mmmm" he heard muffled mumbles through the door, not even close to a proper response.

"Y/n i'm coming in okay?" He turns the handle but the door wont budge.

Another sound came from the other side of the door but it was louder like glass smashing on the tile floors.

"Stay away from the door, Do you hear me y/n? I'm going to knock it down"

He wastes no time before he takes a step back before kicking it the first time.

The door makes a splitting sound but dosen't open.

Second Kick.

Again, its more likely he's going to put a hole in the door before he breaks it down.

This time he slams his shoulder into it ripping the hinges off the wall and finally making the door weak enough to rip off the frame.

He pulls the door toward him so he dosen't hit you, and looks into the bathroom to see you on the floor, red around your torso, hair in your face.

He nearly took a step back in shock to see the horror infront of him. Still he went in and lifted your upper half off the ground to see where the blood was coming from.

As his eyes scanned you body you let out a groan.

"Sorry..." You said before quickly shutting your eyes in pain when he touched your arm.

"I didn't want you to be the one who found me..." You said before your mind gave out and your body went limp.

"Y/n? You have to keep your eyes open okay, can you hear me, Y/N" The longer he stayed the more of his composure he lost.

There it was, two long lines of red down both your arms. He rolled your sleeves up to get a better look.

"I'm going to get you to Shoko okay? Just hold out for me, please." He said scattering things all over the floor and pulling out things from the draws until he found bandages, if he didn't stop the bleeding now you would get to Shoko dead.

Carefully he starts wrapping your arms tightly, becoming worried but relived when you hissed in pain. He hated to see you in pain but at least he knew you were alive, alive enough to feel.

When the bandages were secure he carried you down to his car where he dialed Shoko right as he placed you along the passenger seats in the back. Even though it was late at night he knew Shoko would come in and save you.

He rushed you in watching to see if you were still breathing before laying you down in Shoko's clinic.

He waited out side and next to your bed all night, playing with the ring on your left hand.

As the sun came up the warm beams of light made your eyes open slowly.

''Morning" He said.

Nanami did'nt really know how to approach this, dose he ask questions now? Comfort you? Pretend it didn't even happen?

"Kento..." You said, voice groggy.

"Yes"

You reached your arm up to caress his face, a shooting pain ran down your arm and you gasped slightly before feeling tears prick the corner of your eyes.

"You shouldn't really use your arms right now" He said holding your hand to his face.

"Ken...I'm sorry I didn't want you to find me like that, I never wanted tou to suffer because of me I-im so sorry." You said letting the tears go.

"Shhh, you don't have to think about that right now, your being put on a break. No working for 2 weeks, then we can talk okay?"

You nodded trying to hold back your tears as he pressed a kiss you your cheek.

But really he felt more insecure. Was he not enough? No. He just kept taking. Your smile, your laughter and your happiness.

From this day on he would give you everything he could, anything for your happiness.

THANK YOU FOR READING ♡

AUTHOURS NOTE: If you don't like he ending that's cool because I have a similar fic here with a sadder ending, it's appart of my 5 stages of greife series.

[vbecker10]

My Best Friend...

(Part 1 of 2 - Part 2)

Pairing: Loki x plus size female reader (y/n)

Warnings: angst (of course, not sorry), self depreciating thoughts, feeling inadequate, issues with self image, low self worth, annoying friends... but I promise lots and lots of fluff so just hold on until the end - let me know if I forgot anything 💚

Summary: What you thought would be a relaxing girls night quickly turns into an interrogation by Nat and Wanda about your non-existent relationship with Loki. After denying you are anything other then friends for as long as you can, you finally tell them how you really feel about him... and why you know he will never feel the same. The night goes from bad to worse when you realize Loki overheard you talking to them and you try to hide from him.

A/N: Loki is talked about in this part a lot but he doesn't really show up until the very end, don't worry he is going to be in the whole second part though. Also, I was going to make this one very long fic but @michelleleewise suggested breaking it into two parts so you can thank her for all the angst being in the first half and having to wait another few days for the fluff - love you @michelleleewise 💚

Dividers by: @harlequin-hangout

"Oh, come on Y/N," Natasha laughs as she sets the pizza box on the coffee table. "Just admit it and we can all move on with our lives."

"I can't cause it's not true," you tell her, looking down to avoid eye contact with the spy. You sit on one end of the couch and she sits next to you, you pass her and Wanda plates. "I'm disappointed, I thought you would be better at reading situations then this," you say sarcastically and she let's out a dramatic gasp, pretending to be offended.

"I think the real problem is you are worse at hiding your relationship with Loki then you think you are," Wanda says as she grabs a slice of pizza. "And since you won't just admit it, how about we review the facts?" Wanda asks with a wide smile before sitting cross legged on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

"Oh, I can't wait to hear all of these supposed facts," you roll your eyes.

"Exhibit A, breakfast," Wanda says too excitedly for your liking, "Loki brings you coffee and something to eat every single morning. How do you explain that if the two of you aren't dating, hmm?"

You decide maybe it would be better to just play along with your friends this time, hoping you might be able to convince them they were both wrong once and for all. Wanda and Nat had recently become obsessed with the idea that you and Loki were secretly dating but it had really picked up over the last week.

"I'm telling you, we aren't dating. He just knows I have a lot of early meetings so it's easy for me to get distracted and then I forget to eat," you tell them.

"I don't know," Natasha shakes her head, "Worrying that you're skipping meals seems like good boyfriend behavior."

"It is not, it's good friend behavior," you correct her, "Maybe the two of you don't worry about me enough." You cross your arms and stare at Nat then Wanda, causing them to giggle.

"Still, it's impressive. I don't think Loki even knows if Thor drinks coffee, forget about him ever bringing his brother or anyone else on the team anything," Nat says, picking up right where she left off before the minor laughing fit.

"I don't know what to tell you," you shrug. "Maybe he knows I'm less grumpy when I eat. Those mission report meetings we have are brutal if I'm not fully caffeinated," you suggest another reason.

"Nice try Y/N, but those meetings are only once a week," Nat reminds you and practically wince, how did you ever think the best spy on the planet would let that detail slip past her. "Care to explain away the coffee he brings you the other four days?"

You don't answer, pretending to be interested in reading the label on your drink instead. You remember when Loki started doing it roughly three months ago. One Friday while you were watching a movie together, you complained to him that you had missed breakfast three days in a row that week due to your tight meeting schedule. You hadn't meant for him to do anything about it, you were just venting. The following Monday and every morning since, Loki would stop by your office before he trained with Thor. He brought you a large coffee exactly the way you liked it, even though you don't remember him asking how you took it, and something to eat. You offered to pay him back after the first couple of days but he just smiled and told you not to worry about it.

Wanda laughs at your lack of response, pulling you from your thoughts and asks, "I think it's time for exhibit B, don't you?"

"Oh, of course," Nat smiles and you groan, quickly realizing this was a bad idea.

"Exhibit B, your weekends," Wanda says.

"There is nothing weird about our weekends," you tell them defensively. "What are you talking about?"

"Really Y/N?" Wanda says. "You're going to pretend you and Loki aren't going on dates all the time?"

"We aren't dating," you respond, this time you don't bother to force a smile. "We just like going to the same places."

"The two of you spend every minute of the weekend together," Nat chimes in. "I don't think Wanda spends as much time with Viz as you spend with Loki."

"It's not my fault Loki is more interesting than Vision," you reply quickly, earning a loud laugh from Nat and an eye roll from Wanda.

Natasha wasn't exactly wrong though. Over the last four months you and Loki had gone to art galleries, museums, plays and parks all across the city. These outings would have been truly amazing dates... if you were dating but you weren't. You think back to last weekend when you took him to the Winter Village at Bryant Park for the first time. Your fingers begin to play with the necklace you bought from one of the many artists who had set up stalls there. You were wearing gloves so Loki offered to put it on you, gently sweeping your hair away from your neck as he stood behind you to fasten the clasp. You hadn't been able to stop blushing when his fingers brushed against your skin but thankfully you could blame your red cheeks on the sudden cold breeze.

"Y/N," Wanda says, tossing a balled up napkin at you to get your attention. "Thinking about your next date night?"

You sigh and shake your head no. "Can't you both just let this go? We're going to waste the whole night on this."

"I only have one more exhibit to prove that you are dating, then we will leave you alone," Wanda says and you reluctantly agree to hear it, knowing she will tell you either way. "Exhibit C, you sleep in his apartment way too often. I mean really Y/N, I don't know why you pay rent at your place when you sleep with him two or three times a week."

"Ah, remember two weeks ago?" Nat asks Wanda and she nods. "How many nights in a row did you sleep with Loki?" she asks you with a smirk.

You sigh, "First off, stop saying it like that. I'm not sleeping with him, I sleep at his place. Secondly..." you pause not wanting to answer her question. "Five but you know that was because of the weather."

"Once in a while I get, but that many times in a row and you are practically living with him. I would bet you even have your own toothbrush and a drawer or two at his place," Wanda jokes.

You bite your lip before you respond, you did have a toothbrush and a few things stored in Loki's apartment. He had suggested you leave some items there so you were more comfortable since you slept over so often.

"I only sleep there cause he worries about me getting home safe if it's after a certain time, like if we are out until midnight on the weekends or I work really late during the week," you explain truthfully then add, "And sometimes I accidentally fall asleep at his place if we're watching a movie and he just lets me sleep. It's really not a big deal."

"Mmhmm..." Nat nods.

"I know that look Nat so don't even say it. I've already told you, nothing happens. Loki always offers me his bed and he takes the couch in his living area," you add quickly.

"Damn," Nat laughs and pretends to look disappointed.

"Now, you've finished with your 'facts' that prove nothing. He's just my best friend, that's it," you say, desperately trying to avoid talking about Loki any longer. "Can we please move onto something else?"

"Come on, what else do we need to do to get you to just tell us the truth," Wanda says.

"We aren't together," you tell them for what feels like the hundredth time.

"You can't lie to us," Nat says as if she didn't hear you, "Out with it."

"He's not mine!" you hear yourself say loudly and the smiles fall from their faces.

You look at them both silently, suddenly feeling too exposed as you finally give up on pretending you were unbothered by their constant questions and accusations. You slowly shift so you are sitting with your legs tucked underneath you, pressing your back into the couch. Picking up one of the pillows from between you and Nat, you hold it against your chest almost as if you are trying to hide yourself.

"He's not... he's not mine," you repeat again, a bit quieter this time. "He never was and he never will be. I'm just his best friend," you say.

"Wait... no, you really aren't together?" Nat asks almost in disbelief and you nod.

"I- we honestly thought you were just trying to keep it a really bad secret. I had no idea... I'm so sorry," Wanda says softly. "We never should have pushed you so hard."

"I'm sorry too Y/N but why aren't you two dating?" Nat asks. "The two of you seem so perfect for each other."

You shake your head then lower your face into the pillow to hide the gathering tears. "What did you say?" Wanda asks when you mumble something in response to Nat. You can feel her sitting on the arm of the couch as she gently tries to pull the pillow away from your face.

You cling to it tightly but allow her to lower it a bit. "I said... he would never want to date me," you tell them without looking up. "I'm not his type," you feel the first few tears slip free and fall down your cheeks.

You pull the sleeves of your sweater down over your hands and wipe your eyes. "Loki is a freaking prince and a God. Why would he want someone like me?" you ask them the question you had been asking yourself since you realized you were in love with him.

"Someone like you?" Nat repeats your question. "Because you are amazing Y/N. You're incredibly funny, clever and-"

You interrupt Nat, "But I'm not beautiful."

"What?" Wanda asks. "Y/N, of course you are."

"No, I'm not beautiful," you tell them. "I know what I look like, I'm short and I'm significantly overweight... I could lose a hundred pounds and I would still be nothing like the women Loki dates. They have all been tall and thin, perfect just like he is," you say, keeping your head down. "He's been with models, socialites, actresses and literal princesses when he lived on Asgard. Why would he ever want me when he could have them?"

You put one hand over your face as you lose the battle to hold back your tears. "I'm such an idiot," you say more to yourself than your friends. "I let myself fall in love with my best friend even though I know he will never love me back," you grip the pillow tighter to your body and keep your eyes closed behind your other hand.

You feel a hand gently settle on your knee, squeezing lightly to comfort you. You appreciate the gesture until you realize you no longer feel Nat and Wanda sitting on either side of you. You sniffle and wipe your eyes, your heart beginning to race as you recognize your favorite smell, Loki's cologne.

"Y/N," Loki says almost in a whisper. He looks up at you as he kneels on the carpet in front of you.

"No," you say in disbelief as you stand up, tossing aside the pillow.

"Wait-" he says but you ignore him, desperately avoiding his gaze.

"No, no, no," you repeat as you realize Loki heard you say you loved him. If he heard that, what else had he heard? Before he can say anything else you grab your phone off the coffee table and leave the common area as quickly as possible.

Please let me know if you want to be added or taken off the tag list 💚💚

@michelleleewise @soubi001 @ace-of-gay @tessathechild @misunderstoodself @coldnique @lokiprompts @thomase1 @mochie85 @fi-recs-fics @huntress-artemiss @sititran @xorpsbane @kkdvkyya @lokisgoodgirl @harlequin-hangout @muddyorbs @holdmytesseract @kats72 @avoliax @peaches1958 @peachyjinx @loopsisloops @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @high-functioning-lokipath @psychospore @dukes2581 @buttercupcookies-blog @animnerd @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @laufeyson-16 @lonadane @loki-laufeyson-1054 @pics-and-fanfics

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated 💚💚

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 6 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: mentions of sex/hot tub scene. hickey. angst (oops), might be a curse somewhere in there?

☆word count: 5.8k

☆series masterpost here

☆a/n: I am very sorry for all the angst that is to follow. Please don't hate me and please enjoy reading still haha! Thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Sunday, July 8th

                Waking up next to Jungkook feels weird. You reckon it might be because you haven’t slept a lot, and people are already moving around the cottage. You’ve refused to open your eyes so far, just because you’ve heard Jiho and Hobi whispering about you and Jungkook and you feel too much of a coward to admit you probably fucked things up with him already.

You think Jiho has taken a picture. Knowing her, she definitely has, and you wish you could just disappear for a time. You eventually force yourself to get up though, before Jungkook who is still dead asleep when you move to the kitchen. You suffer through Jiho’s questioning, but she quickly notices that you’re shut off, lost in thought and maybe even dabbling in a little regret too.

From there she shuts down everyone that asks questions, and by the time Jungkook gets up, everyone is just pretending they haven’t noticed that something definitely happened between the two of you.

Jungkook doesn’t really look at you. He eats breakfast chatting with Taehyung and Jin, avoiding you like the plague. You can tell you’ve hurt him, but you don’t know how to fix it. After all, you’ve never really been acquainted with feelings yourself. Especially not after your parents’ divorce.

The day feels heavy. It’s still warm outside, far too much, and a veil of dark clouds is looming over the horizon by the time you have to leave the cottage. Your mood imitates the weather, and you find yourself brooding more than you usually do.

You haven’t been able to talk to Jungkook yet. Mostly because he’s been avoiding you, yes. But also because you don’t know what to tell him.

“Hey, I’m shit at relationships and feelings, yesterday felt too real” sounds like too much of a confession. Even though it is the truth, you’re a coward, through and through.

Jiho’s been trying to get your mind off things. Texting you random stupid things, sending you memes as Hobi drives the four of you home. Heather is riding with Chaeyeon, Lance and Bridget this time around, so there’s a space between you and Jungkook. This time, when he falls asleep, he falls asleep with his head resting against the window, and not on your shoulder.

It starts raining halfway home, and Hobi drives slower, windshield wiper going on full blast. Jiho sends you yet another meme – something absurd you can’t bring yourself to find funny. It earns you a frown from your best friend, and a second later your phone vibrates in your hand.

[1:23 pm] Jiho❣️: u’re supposed to laugh☹️ [1:23 pm] You: i want to talk to Jungkook but idk what to tell him🫠 [1:25 pm] Jiho❣️: what really happened yesterday? i wanna help but it’s hard if idk [1:26 pm] You: we made out in the hot tub then fucked when we were supposed to sleep🤡 [1:26 pm] Jiho❣️: bruh i wish i had a make-out session in the hot tub [1:27 pm] You: 🙄🙄 [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: sorry [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: pretty sure more than just fucking happened considering both of you are upset [1:30 pm] You: i told him we shouldn’t have fucked after and he got upset [1:31 pm] Jiho❣️: bitch he’s into u ofc he’ll be upset [1:31 pm] You: u’re not helping [1:32 pm] Jiho❣️: are u into him?

You don’t know the answer. You ask yourself that question for the rest of the day, and you reckon you really don’t know. A lot changed between you and Jungkook over the weekend, but it’s hard to ignore the fact you have never really liked him. Because he was a dick and a bully to you for years.

It’s not something you think you can just forget because you’ve had sex with him once. And you don’t even know if you’d be interested in a relationship with him anyway. You’ve never been in a relationship before at all, and the thought of it terrifies you.

The thought of Jungkook being upset with you terrifies you in equal measures, but you refuse to admit it to yourself. Maybe because you’re trying to protect yourself. It’s hard to tell. You feel like you won’t be able to go through your feelings by yourself – they’re overwhelming, all of them.

Thinking about Jungkook is overwhelming. Thinking about dancing under the stars, about his scar, about the way he held onto you after he finished. Everything is overwhelming, and it makes you anxious. Jumpy, even, as you’re sitting in your room in your mother’s empty house later at night.

You’re halfway through a Studio Ghibli movie that was supposed to help you relax when you decide to text your therapist to schedule an appointment this week. It feels like the right thing to do – you know Mary has always been able to help you sort through your thoughts, even though you haven’t seen her in months.

You don’t expect her to reply tonight considering it’s late in the evening, but you linger on your messaging app. You can’t resist but scroll down a little, down to where Jungkook’s name lies on the screen. You click on the conversation, rereading the last messages he sent you from when he was drunk a little over a week ago. It makes your heart squeeze in your chest a little, and you scroll all the way up to the first time he texted you in April. You haven’t talked much at all, so it’s not like there’s a lot, but you can’t help yourself. You reread everything, entirely ignoring the movie playing on your laptop.

When you’re done reading, you find yourself typing a text even though you don’t know what to say. It seems your fingers know, because a moment later you find yourself staring at a fully formed sentence. It looks as if it’s taunting you, and you reread it so many times the words start to lose their meaning.

[9:47 pm] You: hey, i really enjoyed the weekend with u and i’m genuinely really sorry about yesterday…

It takes you all the courage your body can conjure up to press send. You immediately turn off your phone to focus on your laptop and on the movie, though it doesn’t really work at all. The anxiety the message has brought up in you makes the story of Totoro way too hard to follow, and you’re merely watching the scenes, barely even blinking.

When the movie ends, you get ready for bed. You haven’t dared check your phone yet, but a little bit of anticipation has been steadily building inside of you. Because you hope he’ll answer. You hope you won’t have to explain why you are the way that you are for things to go back to normal with him. Maybe because offering him your vulnerability feels like too much of a commitment for someone that doesn’t do commitments at all.

You know you’ll hate yourself at your internship the next day, but you can’t really sleep after you’ve settled under the comforter in your bed. It’s way past midnight when you finally gather the courage to look at your phone, teeth worrying at your bottom lip.

Your empty notification screen stares back at you, as if to say ‘you really thought that would change anything?’

You sigh, putting your phone away on your night table before turning on your side, grabbing a pillow to hold. It’s still raining outside, and your brain focuses on the splattering of rain on the panes of the window. You think maybe Jungkook went to bed early, considering you didn’t get a lot of sleep in the last two days. Maybe he’s asleep and will reply tomorrow…

You cling onto that hope as the sound of the rain finally lulls you to a troubled sleep.

Tuesday, July 10th

                Jungkook has been in a shit mood. He knows why, and it’s strange to think that it’s not his leg for once. What makes it worse is that everyone around him knows too, thanks to the hickey on his neck.

And it’s only worse when you don’t show up to dance practice. Jiho mentions something about you being stuck at your internship, but Jungkook doesn’t ask. He feels like maybe he could text you to make sure you’re okay. His heart wants him to do it, but his mind is stronger.

And his mind has been winning the war against his heart so far. He won’t cave in now. But he’s still in a shit mood when he gets home after practice. It feels even worse when he sees Taehyung and Jo cuddled up on the couch, and Jimin sprawled up on the floor.

Jimin’s texting away on his phone, and Taehyung meets Jungkook’s gaze where he stopped by the door.

“Practice is already done?” Taehyung asks.

It brings Jimin and Jo’s attention to Jungkook. He just stands there for a time, not knowing what to say.

Not wanting to admit he wrapped dance practice earlier because he was pissed that you weren’t there.

“Yeah,” Jungkook lets out flatly. He finally starts moving again, aiming straight to the kitchen.

He misses the way Jo and Taehyung exchange a concerned look when he passes in front of them, or maybe he just ignores it. He’s been ignoring Jo since the weekend, because it feels like too much pressure to admit that her plan worked and failed in the same night.

Yes, he got to sleep with you, but he’d take it back if he could. Just so it wouldn’t lead to where you’re standing now. Because he’s never replied to your text on Sunday night. Maybe because it was too early, and seeing it just pissed him off more.

Or maybe he’s just trying to preserve himself because he’s realized being with you might be a lot more complicated than previously thought.

He’s pouring cereal in a bowl when he receives a text. He fears that he’s conjured you up for a few seconds, but then he reads the name at the head of the notification. Laura. He furrows his brows, reading her text a few times over to make sure he’s read well. On his fifth reading he reckons the words won’t change even if he keeps glaring at them.

And Laura doesn’t deserve him being upset with her too. Actually, he realizes she might be just what he needs – a distraction, perhaps. Because all he wants is to forget how it felt to be with you last Saturday. And it’s not even about the sex. No, the part that’s been sticking with him is the moment between the hot tub and the sex. When he laid his heart on the table for you.

Had he known you were going to step on it a little under an hour later, Jungkook knows he would have never asked you to dance. It was a stupid request, one that made everything too real.

He can’t really blame you for getting scared. Because he knows that’s what it is. You got scared when he told you you should have slept together before, and he’s been embarrassed since then. Because he said the words in the heat of the action, and even though he meant them – means them – he’d rather not have told you.

Because now when he thinks of you he’s embarrassed, upset, and of course he’s pissed. He’s been in a shit mood after all.

He sighs, pushing his hair back before moving to the fridge to grab the milk. He pours some in the bowl, before grabbing a spoon in the drawer and making his way to the table, where he sits to eat the cereals. He’s halfway through his bowl when he finally decides to open his phone and reply to Laura.

[9:01 pm] Laura: Hey, I gotta admit… I’d like to see you sometime this week? If you’re up for it ofc [9:08 pm] Jungkook: yes ofc! i’m free tmrw evening if u want😌

He doesn’t even know if he actually wants to see her. It makes him think of when he helped her with her camera last week. Laura is sweet. Cute and shy. She’s his type, he can’t deny it. But she’s nice, and he doesn’t think she deserves him using her as a distraction.

He reckons he’s a mess. You’ve been messing with his head far too much, and he doesn’t like that you have that power over him. He doesn’t want anyone to have that power over him.

Yet it’s relieving that for once his mind isn’t clouded with dark thoughts related to the accident. Because he can’t really think about the accident when you’re there whenever he closes his eyes. When he can almost feel your warmth lingering under his fingers, along his body. When he thinks he can still smell your shampoo, and feel your soft skin.

The way that he feels disgusts him. It makes him scoff, and he’s frowning as he finishes eating his cereals. The frown only relaxes when Laura texts him again.

[9:12 pm] Laura: I’m available too! There’s a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try? Is that something you’d like to do?

The way that she texts sounds formal. It makes him laugh, and he finds himself replying,

[9:13 pm] Jungkook: wait, so then it’s a date date uh? [9:16 pm] Laura: Maybe?☺️ [9:17 pm] Jungkook: is 7 o’clock good for u?

He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He doesn’t usually do real dates, preferring hanging out at the girl’s place or inviting her over for one of the many parties they usually host. But he needs the distraction, right?

And when he’s texting Laura, he realizes he’s not thinking about you as much. It’s relieving after the last few days, and really, maybe he should just give her a chance.

Wednesday, July 11th

                Your therapist works in a building that’s surprisingly not too far from your internship. You were able to schedule an appointment for tonight, which is a relief.

You’ve been thinking about this weekend so much you haven’t been able to focus at the internship. So much so that you were stuck at the office later yesterday. You didn’t mind having to skip the dance practice though – you were glad you didn’t have to see Jungkook.

But now, it’s time for you to sort out your thoughts about the whole situation. As much as pretending that everything is fine can be fun, you also hate the way your mind wanders every night. Especially considering Jungkook never replied to your text last Sunday.

You feel like he’s slipping through your fingers. And maybe he is, and maybe all of this will be for nothing.

Well, not necessarily nothing, since it’s always good to get a grip of yourself.

You sigh, and you walk into the building right before a rain shower starts. You’re relieved you were able to avoid getting wet, and you walk to the front desk to give your name to the lady. She puts you in the computer and then tells you to sit in the waiting room. You thank her, and you’ve barely had time to sit when Mary comes to get you.

Mary’s office hasn’t changed one bit since the last time you sought her help in February. You sit on the same couch, and she offers you a glass of water as she greets you. And then she asks what brings you there.

At that you still. You freeze, like a deer in headlights, because for a moment you’re terrified of having to say the words aloud. Terrified to admit you felt something last Saturday, and you think you’ve already screwed it all up. She listens to you intently, and you watch her scribble on her pad as you do so. You’re tempted to read what she’s written; you’ve always wondered what it is that therapists write on that notebook of theirs.

Is she piecing out your soul the way that you feel like she is?

You tell her everything. You tell her about how Jungkook came back into your life, differently this time. You tell her about the dance practices, and about your internship too. You tell her about last weekend, and you reveal every little dirty thought your brain dared to think. Mary doesn’t judge, and when you’re done, the only thing she says is, “You’re really good at psycho-analyzing yourself”.

You reckon she’s right. Because you know exactly why you acted the way that you did – with the example your parents gave you of love growing up, it’s hard to actually love. It’s even harder to deconstruct it, to deconstruct the fear until you can build yourself back into someone that can love.

It’s not that you think you can’t. You love Jiho, Jisung and their family plenty. But it’s different when it’s love with a big L. It’s always been, and you’ve never once really wanted to change it.

But now you do. You’ve been using your fears to protect yourself from others for far too long.

Mary makes a plan with you. Nothing too big, but she does suggest scheduling another appointment next week. Because you knowing what you need to do is half of the work, yes, but you still need to put it into practice. You agree with her, and you leave her office feeling lighter than you’ve felt in days.

The plan is for you to ask Jungkook if you can talk. You have the option to wait until tomorrow at dance practice, or to text him tonight, just so he knows in advance that you want to talk to him. Mary favoured the latter, saying that it’d give him time to prepare if he has things to tell you too.

You have no idea if he does, but the moment on Saturday felt heavy. You doubt there’s been nothing on his mind since then… because you were there. You know how it felt like, under the stars and after that. And the whole weekend, if you’re honest to yourself. You doubt he was immune to it.

You decide to wait a little before you text him. Just to make sure you really are going to do this. Because it feels like you’re standing at the top of a cliff, and you’ve never been a cliff diver. No, you’re far too afraid of heights. But the fact that you haven’t been able to get Jungkook off your mind tells you enough: you’d jump off the highest cliff for him.

Because if you don’t risk it, what is there to win?

So it’s later that night, when you’re rewatching your favourite anime, that you find yourself pausing the show. You go to your messaging app, and heart beating out of your chest you type a message. Something simple, something straight to the point. Because the fact he ignored your last message says enough: Jungkook won’t cave in for apologies, especially not over text.

You settle on,

[9:31 pm] You: hey jk! can we talk tmrw after practice?😌

You press send before you can convince yourself that this is not a good idea, and anxiety blooms in every inch of you. It’s a foreign feeling: you’ve never been so anxious when it came to someone else before in your life.

Watching your favourite anime after that has never been so hard.

Thursday, July 12th

                You don’t want to go to practice. Everything feels like it’s going too fast and too slow at the same time: waiting for Jungkook to reply is excruciatingly long, and having to head to the dance studio is coming far too quickly.

Jungkook hasn’t replied. You texted Mary about it – she said to see in person if Jungkook wants to talk, but to also respect it if he doesn’t. It makes you far less hopeful than you were when you got out of her office yesterday, but you know she is right.

If this is his way of setting a boundary, you will have to respect. No matter how much it upsets you.

So it’s in an anxious state of mind that you make your way to the studio. You run into Jiho on the way, and you’re worrying at your bottom lip when she asks, “What’s wrong?”

Your steps falter a little, and you throw her a side glance. “Uh?”

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks.

She knows that you used to see a therapist. But telling her that you saw Mary again about Jungkook feels like too big of a confession. It gives him too much power, and you’re not sure you’re ready for that. But you can tell some parts of the truth, can you?

“I’m going to try and talk to Jungkook tonight.”

Jiho remains suspiciously silent for a time. “Are you sure you want to talk to him?”

“I guess,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “I just feel bad about this weekend.” Jiho offers you a sad smile, as your eyes fall to the concrete in front of you. “It’s just like, I don’t know, I liked where last weekend was going and I don’t want it to go back to the way things were before.” You pause, already feeling a little lighter now that you’ve started talking to your best friend. “Like I know I got scared and all, but he’s actually pretty decent?”

Now, Jiho’s smile has turned knowing, and she nudges you with her elbow. “I think I saw that coming from miles away but I didn’t want you to kill me.”

“Uh?” you let out, feeling a little confused.

“Everyone always thought you two were into each other,” she admits, and she laughs loudly when you push her. “Exactly why I didn’t want to tell you,” she says when her laughter subsides as you offer her a fake glare, lips jutting out in a small pout.

“I mean, I don’t even know if that’s where things are going,” you say. Your fear returns, and you’re back to nibbling on your lower lip. “Like, maybe I just fucked up too bad?”

“Did you talk since then?” Jiho asks.

You refuse to look at her when you reply. “No. He ignored my texts.”

From the corner of your eyes you see Jiho wince. Because she knows just as well as you what it probably means, and you don’t want to hear her say it.

“What did you tell him?”

You shrug your shoulders, trying to act as indifferent as possible. “Sunday I said that I was sorry, and I asked him if we could talk after dance practice yesterday.”

“And he said nothing?”

It’s rhetorical, so you remain silent. You’re reaching the bridge, and you know the conversation will soon come to an obligated end anyway.

“Babe…”  Jiho lets out carefully. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk to him.”

It makes you scoff. “I’ll be chill, don’t worry.”

“I’m not saying you won’t be,” Jiho says. She grabs your arm to make you stop. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk.”

You free your arm from her grip, though she was already letting you go. “I’ll ask. We’ll see. I just want to clear the air.”

Jiho holds your defiant gaze for a while, before nodding once. “Alright. Sounds good. You let me know what he says.” She pauses for a few seconds, before adding, “And we’re still on for Thirsty Thursdays after that.”

Of course you are, and of course you’ll tell her. She’s your best friend after all, and you don’t remember a time when you really hid anything from her.

It doesn’t stop your heart from aching in your chest as you near the studio.

*****

                Dance practice feels weird. You can’t help your eyes from diverting to Jungkook where he’s standing, next to the mirrors. He’s good at pretending he doesn’t feel your gaze on him, yet more than once you catch him already looking.

He looks good. He’s in paler clothes than his usual today – light blue jeans with an oversized white t-shirt – and his hair is ruffled by the way he keeps running his hands through it. He looks like he doesn’t care, almost. Because you can tell he’s anxious about something whenever you catch him pulling at his piercing, eyebrows slightly furrowed over his eyes.

You don’t know when you started being able to read him so well, but you surely can now.

He calls dance practice off earlier than his usual, and he still hasn’t really looked at you. You’re pretty sure everyone has noticed by now, especially considering the fact Jiho hasn’t really been subtle about it. She’s glaring at Jungkook most of the time, and he just shrugs his shoulders to her.

It’s weird. Something is off, but if you’re going to do this, you’ll do it, right?

It’s in that anxious state of mind that you approach him as everyone filters out. His hands are buried in his pockets and he’s leaning against the mirror. It’s like he’s waiting for you, and you figure maybe he did read your message after all.

The first few seconds of standing in front of him are far more awkward than anything you’ve ever experienced in your entire life. You don’t know what to say, don’t know where to start, and Jungkook’s head is hanging too low for you to be able to catch his gaze without invading his personal space. So you stay rooted in your spot, and you wait for him to look at you. It takes a while, but he eventually looks up.

You’re taken aback by the bitter annoyance his features hold. “What?”

You’ve written in your notes app what you wanted to say. You’ve even practiced it, but now you don’t remember a single word.

His eyes are sad. It’s the only thing that feels different on his features. The rest is all annoyed: his eyebrows are furrowed, the corners of his lips are pointing downwards. His shoulders are low, defeated, and he seems to realize it because he straightens and folds his arms on his chest.

“Uh,” you choke out against the anxiety that’s building up inside of you. “I just…”

“If you want to apologize again, I received your message last Sunday.”

You brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, before folding your arms on your chest too. “Why did you ignore me?”

He shrugs, shaking his head a little as he looks away. “I have nothing to tell you.”

“Jungkook, can you please not? We’re adults.”

“Yeah, and I’m choosing to not be talking with you. I’m sure you can respect that?”

You can. You definitely can. But at the same time you can’t. Not when he says it like that, like it’s some sort of an insult.

“Why are you overreacting like that?”

“Because I’m fucking embarrassed about last weekend!” he bursts. “I wish it never happened.”

It hurts. It stings and burns, and you hold your arms tighter against you. “You’re embarrassed? Is that why you said you wished we did it earlier?”

His gaze turns vicious, like he’s a viper waiting to strike. “See, that’s exactly why I do not want to talk to you. I don’t think we can be friends either. We’ve never been friends, like you oh so kindly reminded me, and that won’t change.”

You close your eyes, taking a deep breath to relax, because this is not where you want this conversation to be going. “Listen,” you say after a few seconds of silence, “I really don’t want to be fighting with you. I just want to clear the air.”

“The air is cleared,” he says as you open your eyes to meet his fiery gaze again. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to do.”

You’re struck then. You feel like you either have the choice to confess or to stick to your anger. And you try to confess, you really do. It’s not like with Jiho – Jungkook was part of the moment Saturday, he was there with you under the stars. So it shouldn’t be too hard to tell him, to say you got scared.

You open your mouth to say the words, and shut it immediately as he scoffs.

“See, I don’t even think we should be speaking at all,” he says. There’s a fraction of a second when you’re convinced you can read pain in his gaze before he continues, “I’m actually seeing Laura, and I don’t want to fuck that up.”

Every word you’ve ever known vanishes from your mind. You just stand there for a moment, mouth hanging open, ears ringing as you look at him. You feel like you’re falling, or maybe you’re getting crushed. It’s hard to tell. It’s equally as hard to breathe, and your lungs burn as oxygen fills them.

“What?”

“I went on a date with Laura and I actually like the girl, I don’t want to fuck things up by talking to you,” he says, slowly, as if he needs to hammer every word into your head.

Laura? The girl from his class?

“Isn’t that the girl you told me you don’t care about?”

Your voice is somehow flat. Empty of the emotions it held just a few seconds ago.

“I went on a date with her and I like her,” he repeats as if you’re stupid and didn’t understand the first time around. As if your heart is not breaking in your chest, infinitely so.

You didn’t know how big your heart is until this moment, when every beat just breaks a little more, and all you can think to do is hold yourself tighter. As if it’ll stop the breaking.

“When?”

“Why do you want to know?” he asks, and his eyes fall shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You really do feel stupid then, stupid and foolish and everything in between. Like you’re a five-years-old that keeps messing her right from her left.

“I… how the fuck did you go on a date with her already, it’s been four days?”

“A lot can change in four days, Y/n,” he drawls.

You think your nails might be digging in your palms from how hard you’re clenching your fists. “Wow.”

The studio falls silent. It’s heavy, and maybe the silence is what’s been crushing you. Because you were expecting it – the moment you and Jungkook wouldn’t have anything else to tell each other. Because for everything you were willing to confess, now there’s just an empty spot inside of you.

You hold his gaze. He doesn’t look all that infuriated anymore. Defeated, yes, and maybe a little deflated. He looks like he didn’t expect the conversation to go there.

But you were right. Turns out you were right and you are too late. You can’t help but hate him for it.

“You don’t waste your time, do you?” you ask, and you scoff bitterly. “You fuck one girl and then another in just a few days. Suits you well.”

He rolls his eyes. “As I said, I wish we didn’t sleep together. If I could take last weekend back I would.” He shrugs then, shaking his head a little. “I’m sure you understand.”

You purse your lips, trying to keep them from trembling as you feel a lump form in your throat. “I can’t believe you’re already fucking some other girl.”

“Okay, Y/n, as if that’s going to change anything.”

You nod, and you find yourself fleeing his gaze. Because you don’t want him to see how you’re breaking inside. How every piece of you turns inside out, until you’re bleeding out standing there in front of him.

“Just…”

You think about the stars. You think about the way he led you in that dance, the way his eyes shone as he looked at you.

Jungkook is cataclysmic. He really is. And cataclysms are rarely good, are they? They can create, yes, the way the universe was once created, but they destroy. They destroy and destroy until nothing remains, until you just feel like you’re drowning and burning all at once.

“Save your breath,” he says. You think his gaze is shining again, and you don’t think it’s shining for the same reason that it was under the stars. “And I mean that in the most respectful way.”

“Right. As if that would ever sound respectful.”

He rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, whatever. I’m done here.”

It occurs to you that you’re about to watch someone you care about walk out of your life again. You want to reach out and hold him, to tell him how you feel, to say how everything has started to hurt, but you can’t. You can just look at him, hold his gaze until he makes the decision to go.

He’s gone before you’ve truly assimilated just how bad everything went. Just how far south things went, and how fiercely everything burns. And you stand there for a long time, holding yourself, waiting for the heartbreak to stop. But the thing with heartbreak is that it never fully stops, does it? You just learn to deal with it better.

It’s weird. You never thought you could be cold and burning at the same time. But if this is hell, then hell has frozen over because you’re shivering, just holding yourself.

You feel like you’re sixteen again, like you watched your dad walk out of your life again. Maybe because Jungkook really was the cataclysm to you, and now you’re stuck with the aftermath.

But you don’t cry. No, you hold the tears in. Force them to dry without having rolled on your cheeks, convince them that you don’t care. It’s something you’re good at. Pretending. Because maybe you’ve been pretending you hate Jungkook for a lot longer than you thought. Maybe that’s the reason why it hurts so bad.

But you won’t cry, no. You won’t cry for Jeon Jungkook.

You get home later that night, after having walked through a daze for the whole evening. You’re drunk, and you’re still aching from the inside out. Your phone is in your hand, and you’ve been on Jungkook’s conversation for so long without blinking that your eyes have fully gone dry.

You watch the text you’ve just sent, the only proof that you ever cared about Jungkook.

[2:31 am] You: i reall y wish things ddn’t go so bad

It takes you three days to realize it never delivered.

Friday, July 20th

                It takes Jungkook a little under two weeks to officialise things with Laura. It’s moving quickly, he’s aware of it, but he’s been trying to ignore the way he saw your heart break in your eyes. It seems the best way to do it is to watch feelings swell in someone else’s gaze, and so he asks Laura to be his girlfriend after their third date.

She says yes, beaming like she’s the sun personified.

Still, when Jungkook closes his eyes at night, all he sees is your heart breaking in your eyes.

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☆☆☆☆☆

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh.. my bad. I really went far with this angst uh? What do we think? What's going to happen next?

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you):

@chimchimmarierie | @pamzn | @sugaluvmyg | @tearyjjeonon | @jkclouds | @libra04 | @parkinglot-nights | @ggukieasy | @omnomnomtron | @jichimx | @synnfulqt | @leedoesntknaur | @pornichett | @melodiesforari | @oopscoop | @nadzzzblog | @amylouisecullen | @sunwooful | @parkethereal | @jeonhvvrs | @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs

[crappymixtape]

🍦 steve harrington masterlist

( LONGER, SERIALIZED OR MULTI–PART FICS, NOTED IF COMPLETE OR IN–PROGRESS, STEVE x YOU // mature content marked appropriately )

🦇 COME BACK TO ME – COMPLETE ( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) 🎶 playlist on spotify 🎶 REQUEST -> after steve gets his heart broken by nancy, tommy dares him to try something different as a rebound, someone who isn’t his type at all, and at first he’s doing it to prove a point, but when the upside down gets involved he realizes just how he really feels • 18+ | ( 5.4k – violence / upside down, lots of angst, some fluff, enemies to lovers-ish, steve x reader, king!steve x reader )

🧢 YOU'RE NEVER FAR BEHIND – COMPLETE ( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) 🎶 playlist on spotify 🎶 REQUEST -> when your dad calls and needs your help at home in hawkins you can't say no, but when you arrive back in town you uncover a friendship you thought you'd lost a long time ago | ( 10.5k, angst, fluff, best friends to strangers to friends to lovers, steve x reader, steve x you )

💫 SOMETHING INFINITE – CURRENT IN-PROGRESS 🎶 playlist on spotify 🎶 your mom is out of town for the summer on business and she sends you to live with your aunt joyce and her husband jim in hawkins while she’s gone. joyce works at the library and jim is the town sheriff – the kids, will, jonathan and el slowly warm up to you and it’s after you get in with them that you really start to feel at home, but there’s one person who just annoys you to no end. one person you’d love to just boot off a cliff – steve fucking harrington.

"part one : maybe the world won't end" – steve steals a car and somehow you wind up in hawkins, indiana, a meet cute without the cute  *18+ only |  ( 2.8k, angst, verbal abuse, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"part two: perfect on the surface" –  you start your summer job at the library with your aunt only to find your new coworker is someone, an annoying someone, you’ve met before | ( 2k, angst, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"part three: just wanna see you" –  finally a day off and you’re all heading to the lake to fish and swim and drink and it feels like summer and fresh starts and you’re surprised to find you get one of your own ( 3.3k, angst, tiny bit of fluff if you squint, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"part four: the house that built me" – a history of you and steve and your families, all the broken pieces you’re both trying to gather up and put back together are more similar than you think *18+ | ( 2.3k, angst, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader ) // warning note: the themes written about in this piece can be especially triggering – brief mentions of loss of a parent, neglect, unplanned pregnancy, and other heavy content – read with caution please and be gentle with yourselves!

"part five: easier to pretend" – part five of something infinite – are you and steve finally figuring each other out? it’s obvious you drive each other crazy, but is it possible you’re starting to like it? | ( 3k, angsty fluff, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"part six: and it's such a shame" – ferris wheel at 8 and another chance to see where this thing with steve is taking you, but when his friends find out will he be able to handle it?  | ( 4k, fluff, lots of angst, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"part seven: i'll promise i'll pinky swear" – steve tries to decide what it is he wants, to keep burying everything down deep and keep it locked away or crack open his chest and trust you with his heart | ( 4.1k, angst, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"part eight: say you'll stay" steve did what he thought was right and you're giving him a second chance, but can you both finally open up and be honest with one another? *18+ only | ( 6k, smut, a little angst, a little fluff, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader ).

"part nine: you could have mine" you were unafraid to face steve head on when he fucked up, but now it’s your turn to face the music and it scares you | ( 2k, tiny angst, lil fluff, enemies to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

( LONGER FICS, OVER 10K, BONUS CONTENT INCLUDED OCCASIONALLY, STEVE x YOU //  mature content marked appropriately )

"laugh like lovers, kiss like friends" – you’re getting married – steve’s in town for the ceremony and it dredges up old memories, ones you thought you’d forgotten, but they still burn bright and you have to decide – will you say ‘i do’ or will your heart realize what you really want has been there all along?  | (  9.1k, angst, fluff, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

( SMALLER, ONE-SHOTS / BLURBS, STEVE x YOU // mature content marked appropriately )

"tell you when" – steve’s had a type for more than a while, all soft and cute and nancy wheeler and not you, but you’re around each other all the time lately it feels like, have been with each other before and in the heat of the moment it slips out – you ask him to be a little rough with it and it surprises steve how much he wants to please you… | ( 431 words – smut, sprinkle of fluff, friends with benefits to something more? steve x you, steve x reader )

"don't make me say it" – 500 celebration request, you make me want things I can’t have prompt | ( 2k – mostly angst, dumb boi steve, and a little fluff right at the end to take you home, steve x reader )

"i hate you ( not )" – 500 celebration request, love a good enemies to lovers smutty fic – anything works, just lots of sarcasm and name calling to build up the tension • 18+  | ( 3.6k – a nice lil mountain of angst that rolls down into a big ol’ valley of smut, steve x reader )

"good love makes you hesitate" – 500 celebration request, don’t do this here prompt | ( 2.2k – all of the angst, tiny bit of fluff, best friends to lovers, steve x bff!reader )

"eyes half shut" – hawkins high alumni always run the end of year carnival to help raise funds for the school and steve is always in charge of the alumni basketball game, but this year they’re trying out a kissing booth and who better to headline than steve harrington? | ( 3.9k – a little angst, a little fluff, kinda enemies to kinda lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"you gotta help me, baby" – REQUEST -> fluffy one about you having a summer job babysitting and Steve always coming over to keep you company...idc just Steve being a massive simp as always | (  2.3k, modern!day au, fluff, established relationship, steve x you, steve x reader )

"shut up and kiss me" – REQUEST -> fluff prompt #25 "shut up and kiss me” • you get laid off and go back to hawkins for the weekend to wallow with your friends and the gang seizes the opportunity to try and get you two dummies to figure it out | ( 5.7k – fluff, a little angst, mostly fluff, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"this is how it ends" – you went with everyone to kill vecna, into the upside down, and you knew the risks, but none of you thought it would go this far – will you get to tell steve how you really feel before it’s too late? • *18+ only  | (  2.8k, angst, trauma, mentions of blood and violence, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"hold your breath" – you take steve to see eddie and corroded coffin at a little hole in the wall venue, just the two of you, and you find yourselves getting lost in the music…and each other • *18+ only | (  2.2k, smut, fingering in public, tiny bits of fluff, established relationship, steve x you, steve x reader )

"all i want for christmas" – steve got you what he hopes is the best christmas gift of all time, but he's nervous and afraid of being soft and vulnerable in front of everyone and what if you hate it, but you don't and it's perfect | (  1.5k, fluff, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"i'll hold you together" – Steve goes to a party without you because Tommy’s there and he wouldn’t let Robin and Eddie go alone, but when they get home something’s clearly wrong •  *18+ only  | (  2k, angst, trauma, mentions of blood, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"smoke and glitter" – robin’s been begging you to throw a party down by the lake on your uncle’s farm, like on another level, so you finally give in and who does she drag along? some coworker from the mall and he’s a total dork…right? | (  2k, fluff, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"move like water" – it took so damn long, but finally you saved up enough to get your own place, and while it’s nothing fancy it’s yours, all yours, just like steve  •  *18+ only  | (  1.7k, smut all the smut, a sprinkle of fluff, established relationship, steve x you, steve x reader )

"where you go i go too" – everyone’s home for christmas break, so steve drags you to a party, but tommy’s there being a creep – steve has to confront an 'old friend' | ( 2.3k, fluff, angst, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"endless summer" – steve’s pool is always full during the indiana summers and he loves his friends, but he just wants you • *18+ only  | (  2.8k, smut, fluff, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader  )

"lovesick" – during your shift at family video steve notices something’s off about you, you’re not looking too good, so he closes up a little early to take care of you | ( 1.3k, pure fluff, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"have yourself a merry little christmas" – christmas is hard for steve, he hates it, any memories he has are of his parents out of town and spending it with his grandma or alone after she passed when he was 16, but with you it’s different | (  1.2k, sad, fluff, angst, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

🛠 COMING SOON!

🌻 NOBODY GETS ME, YOU DO – UNDER CONSTRUCTION when steve started dating nancy and got pulled into the upside down you fell in with tommy hagan after carol leaves for college, but it sucks and tommy sucks and you hate it and you're only doing it because it makes not being with steve hurt less. a friends to lovers line filled with plenty of drama / angst / fluff and smut – smut marked appropriately

"nobody puts baby in the corner" – steve has always been your best friend, nothing more, but when you have a falling out with tommy he finally realizes what’s been there all along •  *18+ only  | (  3.2k, fighting / physical violence, sad, fluff, angst, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

"this is how it ends begins" – everything between you and tommy comes to a head after you discover what he’s been doing behind your back, will steve be there to catch you? or will he just make it worse? | (  2.4k, angst, friends to lovers, steve x you, steve x reader )

[mysticalsoot]

miscommunications and mistakes

another fic of my self-indulgent boarding school au

A/N; this was fully based off a dream I had like under a week ago and in all honesty- also reader now has a sister in this au and said sister is dating Tom (don't ask questions okay-)

summary; reader harbours strong feelings for Wil but is too afraid to admit them due to the fear he won't see them for who they are. after they make a slip up after an evening out with him, Wilbur hatches a plan with reader's sister.

tw// swearing, use of bunny as a nickname (reader bounces when excited lol), uses of boy regarding the reader, kissing, lowkey a makeout, dude IDK-- it's like fluff central with dashes of angst..and I wrote Wil as gay in this fic- not making assumptions Abt irl wil- this is just fiction and like super super niche

words; 4.2k

pairings; cc!wilbur x transmale!reader (could be read as nb/non fem presenting, just avoid the uses of boy!)

pronouns; none really! but uses of boy, and uses of y/n!

masterlist

---------------------------------------------------------

Normally on weekends, you'd be back in the dorms, stay on campus and revel in what little alone time you had. The peace of silence draped over the halls. Only broken by a few dorm doors slamming from other levels. 

But nothing was normal with Wilbur. He came prancing into the dorm, practically skipping when he dipped his head into your bunk and gave you the cheekiest grin he could.

"Heyyy, bunny-" You lifted your head immediately at the sound, lifting your attention from your book to his face and your annoyance at the interruption immediately fizzled out when you saw him. He took away all of your worries and anxieties when he looked at you, and you so desperately wanted him more than a friend--

"Hello to you too, bee," You smiled softly at him as you pulled up your legs to give him room to sit at the end of your bunk, "What's got you all giddy this fine Saturday afternoon, hm?" You knew you were smiling so wide that anyone who wasn't as oblivious as Wilbur would've clocked immediately. But Wil doesn't notice the romantic feelings that seep into your gracious smile or the way your eyes sparkle at the idea of getting more time around him.

"Sooo…" He trailed off, leaning to rest his cheek on your knees as he spoke, "I asked your dad if I could take you with me and go out for the day. Like around mid-city? Go to a couple of different craft shops maybe...You know, do what kids usually do these days-" He lifts his head and cuts himself off, a playful smirk replacing his grin.

"Wilbur, I adore you, but I don't think you have the best idea of what 'kids do these days'," You chuckle softly as you meet his eyes and they crinkle at the corners as he leans his head back against the wall, shaking his head and chuckling with you.

"Fine- but would you still like to go?" He asks, his voice soft, only meant for you despite how the question was one that wouldn't hurt if it graced another's ears. It was for you nonetheless but he made sure it was said just for you and god-- if you didn't know better, you'd say there was a reason.

He's straight, Y/N. Get a grip. You thought, like you always did. At this point the phrase was a mantra, said mentally anytime he did something that could even just barely come off as more than platonic. It was a reminder to you that he couldn't feel the same unless he didn't see you as you were. And he made sure you knew he saw you as nothing but a boy. Just as you are.

"Yes, I'd love to," Your smile was soft, warm and you set aside your book and pulled off your covers just to snake out of your bunk. If you'd look in his direction, you would've noticed Wilbur's sweet and soft smile and his eyes big and wide. But you didn't, and so you lived in ignorance any time he gazed at you for longer than a few seconds--which was every time.

"Wonderful.." The word was mumbled under his breath as you put on your shoes, tying them and hopping up afterwards to grab your wallet.

You walked over to the door and waved with your hand, giggling, "Well come on then! We have craft stores to venture into!" 

Your words brought a bright smile to his face as he slunk out of your bunk and followed you, the reminder of his towering height now a thought on the tip of your minds.

"Yes, sir!" He giggles as he follows you, and you feel his hand ghost over your waist from behind, as if he was trying to guide you. Your breath hitches in your throat and stays stuck until his hand is moved back to his side and you let out a small breath, not of relief but you can't entirely tell what feeling lies underneath it.

It wasn't long until you were both outside of Hab 1, exiting into the parking lot and you started walking over to the bus stop. Wilbur grabbed you gently by your wrist and smiled. You turned back to face him, tilting your head to the side as you give him a quizzical look.

He lifted his other hand and dangled your dad's car keys in his palm and your eyes went wide, his hand letting go of your wrist.

"Wil- How?!" Your tone was more surprised as you stepped forward, grasping at the keys almost as if to assure yourself they were real.

"Apparently you're not the only one he favors-" He smiles mischievously and giggles as you grab the keys, before handing them back.

"He trusts you to drive his car? With his child as the passenger?" Your jaw might as well be on the ground with how you gape at Wilbur, at the idea your father trusts him this much. He won't even let Grace drive his car, but then again, she is fifteen and just got her permit so in reality, trusting a sixteen almost seventeen year old with a driver's license a year old actually isn't the worst.

"Yep, he does. I didn't even ask, he just offered. I tried to say no but- Your dad can be scary when he's determined. It also seemed like he wanted to get back to talking to Andy and I'd rather take the offer and let him…talk, than be at the receiving end of his annoyance," He giggles softly as he leads you along across the parking lot to your father's car.

"You mean flirting?" You chuckle softly at the mental image of your dad trying to flirt and falling short repeatedly, even though all he has to do is look Andy's way--

"Okay, that is what I mean-" Wilbur smiles as he scoffs, opening the passenger door and letting you step in before walking to the driver's side and getting in his seat.

The car ride is uneventful after that, music playing in the background as you both hum along to it. Wilbur's eyes intently focused on the road in front of him, more cautious than you've ever seen him before. He was so careful with every move he made, clearly he knew how scary your dad could be when his child is hurt. He could care less about his car getting a scratch or a dent, it's replaceable, expensive, but replaceable. You and your two siblings were not and if you asked any person he passed by through life, he thought the world of you three. You guys are his world and have been since the moment he adopted you. Who knew a mid 20s grad student could find such joy in raising three pre teens into adulthood? The three of you are not pre teens by any means now, and the thought in itself was daunting to him but he found great pride in his kids. Sometimes impulsive decisions you make when you're freshly an adult, pay off.

When Wilbur pulled the car gently into a parking spot, putting it in park and putting the emergency break on--just in case--he sighed and rested his head against the headrest, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. You smiled softly and chuckled along with it as you dipped your head to meet his eyes.

"You okay there, Wil?" He shook his head, as he smiled worriedly.

"Uhh, besides the fact I just drove one of my closest friends in his dad's car, ten minutes away from campus, I'm fine-" He took a few deep breaths as he took the keys out of the ignition and stepped out of the car. You started to follow suit, unlocking your side when he shook his head, "Nope, wait for me."

The words made a dusting of pink crawl up your cheeks as you looked down, smiling to yourself. Wilbur practically ran around the car to your side and he opened the door, "Such a gentleman," You giggled as you stepped out of the car, his hand held out for you and you take it. He closes the door behind you and holds onto your hand for a few seconds longer than what is platonically acceptable--

He's straight, stop it. Another thought, another mantra and you take a deep breath, walking with him onto the sidewalk. You smiled over at him as he smiled back, his eyes on you for a split second before refocusing on the concrete of the walkway and you felt his arm ghost around your waist again, hovering ever so slightly. It's there, but it isn't and you two walked into the first shop, a small bookstore combined with a bakery.

Your eyes lit up at the scents that wafted up your nose immediately, assaulting your senses with warm pastries and the smell of old books despite most of the books being sold are brand new. Wilbur noticed your glowing expression and giggled, the two of you finding a spot out of the way to look at the menu. He leaned down closer to you and spoke by your ear, "Get anything you want, okay? I'm paying, so don't even try to pull out your wallet." He smiled as he pulled back, readjusting his attention to the large menu board on the wall, his arm going back to his side.

You knew not to argue, you wouldn't win anyways, and he'd go as far as taking your wallet and hiding it from you if you even dared to pay. So you shrugged and tried to find a pastry that piqued your interest and it wasn't hard to--it was still before noon and while you ate breakfast with your sister in the cafeteria, you still had a hankering for something breakfast-y. 

You told Wilbur your order and he guided you with him to the counter, him taking control of ordering and getting you what you ordered a long with a crossiant for himself. He was smiling politely during the interaction and you watched him the whole time, how he nodded at the cashier, bounced his head a slight bit as his card got rung up. The slight frustration in his eyes when the card wouldn't read the first time--every bit. It wasn't unusual for you to notice all of the small things about him, but to watch him do something like this, somehow felt domestic and just made the happy feelings erupt and flutter in your stomach.

He's straight, why can't you see that? Another thought and you're looking away, trying to hide the small frown that crawls onto your lips.

His arm ghosts again, your lower back now, and then his hand is on your side. You were zoned out, didn't notice the small smile on his lips as he nodded to something the cashier said and then he smiled over at you before guiding you to a table by a window.

He pulls out the chair to the left, smiling and waving for you to take a seat, you do with a soft smile on your lips and he takes his seat across from you. This feels so…nice. But misleading. It almost feels wrong to even imagine the possibility of this being more than a close platonic friendship. Anything more than the obvious.

He breaks the silence with a soft smile, resting his chin on his palm while his other hand rests on the table. You catch his fingers twitching, almost like he was going to reach out to you, but restrained himself, "So after this, craft store?"

"I need yarn anyways, it's dad's birthday soon-" You chuckle softly and Wilbur shakes his head with a smile, scoffing playfully.

"When do you not need yarn?" A small and teasing smirk crawls up on his lips as he folds his arms on the table, leaning forward just a hair.

"When I'm dead," Despite the monotone aura of your delivery, you're smiling widely, a playfulness held in your eyes.

Wilbur laughs softly at you, his eyes crinkling like they always do and his nose scrunching up while he smiles warmly, "Let's hope that isn't soon, alright?" His tone has a genuine warmth to it, like a part of him means what he says and you swear the way he says 'alright?' will be the death of you.

"Well, if I do die soon, Andy is going to have a handful with my father," You scoff slightly, shaking your head at the thought, the conversation topic is dark but your smiles and your playful tone makes it softer.

The moment you finished speaking, your order was called and when you went to stand and get it--Wilbur stopped you by placing his hand on yours for a brief moment, his eyes glancing at yours with a gentle warning in them. So he stood up and walked over, grabbing the two drinks and pastries he ordered for you both, and found his spot back across from you. He rested an arm on the table as he ate his pastry, watching as you eat yours with a happy sway.

"You like it?" Wilbur giggled as he watched you, putting down his pastry so he could rest his chin on his palm, and admire you with a soft smile.

You nodded your head excitedly, smiling wide as you chew. Wilbur smiles as he shakes his head in awe before he finishes his own pastry, you following suit.

The both of you had gotten up afterward, taking your drinks and wandering around the bookshop, picking out books or trinkets for one another. You found a space pen for your dad, Wilbur smiling at your thoughtfulness when you saw it, immediately going on about how much your dad would love it-- how he needed one after Evan stole all of his favorite ones. Wilbur found the moment endearing, seeing you so excited about getting something so small but meaningful for your father. You weren't even there for him, but you managed to think of him anyways.

The rest of your afternoon was spent together, walking around mid-city, going to different shops and making jokes, and sharing glances that should be a tell of mutual feelings but you both were much too oblivious. And afraid.

You feared he was straight or rather, you knew he was straight, whilst Wilbur feared that if you knew he liked you, you'd think he thought that way because he saw you as a girl. Which was not true by any means but he knew you too well, he knew how your mind worked, how those negative thoughts would seep in and infest anything positive.

It was inching closer and closer to dinner time for that evening, and you both promised that you'd be back beforehand, even if it was the weekend, neither of you liked being late for things. Regardless of if lunch times were flexible and merely a suggestion, it still bothered you both to be there past time.

"So, did you enjoy your day?" Wilbur asked softly as he looked down at you, a sweet smile on his lips as he admired you. You didn't notice the glint in his eyes or the way he bit his lip gently when he looked at you. How would you notice?

"I loved it, Wil," Your own smile matched his and as you went to open the passenger side door, Wilbur tsked and immediately opened it for you. You groan at him, in playful annoyance as you roll your eyes, "Seriously, Wilbur?" 

"Yes, seriously. I am a gentleman, am I not?" The boy smiles softly, eyes crinkling and glowing with…appreciation and platonic love--which is what you decided to call it and you hoped it was something more.

“If I argue, I'm not going to get anywhere, am I?” You tilt your head to the side slightly, a teasing and playful smirk on your lips as you fold your arms over your chest. You lean against the side of the car door, chin up to meet his eyes. He looked away for a moment, smiling as a blush crawled onto his cheeks, and when he looked back at you, his lips curled into a coy smile.

“You’ll never win, darling,” He smirked softly as he dipped his head close to yours, not so far as to insinuate anything more than teasing, platonic banter, but enough to toe the line just a hair.

“Okay- Fine.”

You tried to ignore the way your voice cracked at the end, how your blush showed on your face, and how your voice entirely deceived you. Wilbur won't notice, you thought, he’s too oblivious.

He did, but he simply smiled to himself as he shut the passenger side door and walked around the car to the driver’s side. The drive was decently silent, a comment here and there but the drive back to campus was short anyhow so there wasn’t much you could say anyhow. Once he pulled into a parking space, he leaned against the headrest, turning his head to face you, a small smile on his lips.

You smiled back and as you looked at him, he felt too distracting. Everything about him, his stupid fuzzy curls, those puppy eyes--the way his dimples and smile lines showed ever so slightly. How his lips were so pink, curled into such a small and sweet smile--his cheeks softly dusted with pink- You wanted to kiss him right then and there, it was stupid but you weren’t sure how much longer you could let yourself hold back. And it wasn’t like you were the one to make impulsive decisions by any means. You weren't someone to let your feelings overtake your logical thinking but god…he looked too pretty to think about it. So you kissed him. You leaned over the central console and you kissed him, it was just a simple peck but it was enough to spark fireworks in your stomach. It felt like an eternity that you had your lips on his when it was mere moments before you pulled back and reality rushed in. How stupid you felt and now how embarrassed you were.

"God-- Wil, I'm sorry just-- Sorry." You mutter out, turning a deep shade of red and feeling that burning feeling of guilt build in your gut. You reached over and opened the car door just moments later and Wilbur did the same on his side, not saying anything in response. You wished he would just yell at you, it's better than painful silence like this.

He stopped at the gate, stumbling over his words, “Uh, I promised Tech I would hang out with him- like over in the Davidson Center so I- I’ll see you later, yeah?”

You nodded, trying to give a soft smile but ultimately failing and walking the other way.

You are an idiot, or at least that’s the conclusion you’re coming to. It isn’t greatly beneficial but neither is impulsively kissing your probably straight best friend, now is it?

You tried to shrug off every negative and intrusive thought, walking up the stairs to your dorm so you could vent and complain to your sister, and that plan couldn’t be spoiled at this point. A few more steps and you were swinging open the dorm door, sighing from relief when you find Grace entirely alone in the dorm.

“Jesus- knock next time!” She jumped in her place, nearly screaming as she got spooked from reading peacefully in her bunk. Her face was written in a slight scowl but her expression softened the moment you met her eyes, “What’s wrong?”

“I fucked up,” You run your hands down your face as you find a seat on the bench, leaning against the desk.

“How..so?” Grace’s voice was unsure as she climbed down the ladder of her bunk, walking over to you, and sitting next to you.

“I kissed him-”

“Wait really? Finally!” She was beaming with excitement and you shoot a glare at her, her demeanor changes immediately, “How bad?”

“Okay well for starters- after he didn't even say anything until we got to the gate and then he told me he was going to see Tech- and that’s fine honestly it could’ve gone worse but I really think I messed up big time now- I mean, he’s straight for fucksake!” You speak all in one breath, taking a deep breath afterward and leaning your head on your sister's shoulder.

She holds back a laugh as she whispers, “Did he kiss back?”

“Yeah-” She was about to cut you off when you spoke again, “But it doesn’t mean anything. It could’ve just been instinct,” You screw your eyes shut, the guilt building up into your throat, burning your insides.

“You’re not going to listen to what I have to say so I’ll say this; give him time to process and you won’t feel like such shit anymore, okay? Now, I think you should go lay under the Saturn V and decompress, yeah? It’s your spot,” Grace smiles softly as she ushers you up to stand, nearly pushing you out of the dorm.

“Fine- Fine- I get it, Tom is coming over isn't he?” You throw a playful smirk as you chuckle softly at the way your sister is acting. She scowls softly and a slight pink tint crawls up her cheeks.

“No- absolutely n- okay maybe. Now, go!” You roll your eyes playfully as you walk away.

A bit of fresh air wouldn’t hurt.

The thing is, the Davidson Center, which is where the decoy Saturn V sits outside, is on the other side of campus. So while it was mid-October and decently chilly, you still managed to break a sweat and be a bit out of breath. The hilly paths and the heat leftover from the day radiating from the asphalt also did not help. A few minutes passed and you were through the gate and under the large rocket.

You sighed a breath of relief at how cool it was underneath, not a single drop of sunlight as the sun began to set behind the hills and trees. So you found a seat underneath, closing your eyes and letting the wind rake through your hair and fan over your face, silence draping your being in a meditative comfort.

And then it was broken, “Hey, bunny,” Your eyes shot open at the sound of the familiar voice, the nickname processing only afterward, and the voice was quickly identified as Wilbur.

“I thought you had plans with your brother?” You ask softly, moving to stand from your spot on the concrete. You didn’t take any steps forward, but he took them towards you.

“I did, he had a meeting with his crew trainer that got in the way,” He shrugs, smiling soft and sweet as he took a few more steps towards you, the space between both of you, now gone.

You smile back, memories of fear and guilt so far gone that all you feel is that usual hoard of butterflies in your gut. He puts his hands gently on your upper arms, his thumbs rubbing softly as he looks down, shuffling his feet. Part of you wants to freeze at his touch, but you instead melt, letting out a soft and satisfied sigh.

“I need to tell you something,” Wilbur starts, his feet stopping their shuffles as he moves his eyes to meet yours.

“Yeah?” Your voice is soft and small, eyes widened only slightly as you search his face for any inkling of what he may need to say--and you come up with nothing.

“I think…” He trails off as his eyes dart from yours down to your lips and back to your eyes, “I think it would be better if I speak with action,” And so, he drops his hands to your sides, letting himself wear a small smirk on his lips before he leans down and captures you in a deep and passionate kiss. One that if it goes on too long, lips will be left pink and swollen from how much love gets poured into it. Wilbur then moves a hand up to cup your cheek, and then his other on your other cheek, thumbs rubbing the soft skin gently as you reach your arms up and drape them over his neck. You pull him down slightly, opening your mouth just a hair more to somehow deepen the kiss even more than it already is. His body presses on yours as you press yours upwards onto his. Soft sighs and sounds of excitement slip out, swallowed by one another as sweet smiles curl up on both of your lips. It’s only when you’re both desperate for air that he pulls back, running his thumb over your lips, admiring how pink they are. And he smirks, “Oh, I’m gay by the way,” He chuckles softly as you swat at his arm, smiling wide from euphoria.

“No fucking shit, Sherlock!” You both giggle and he drops his head down onto your shoulder, pulling you close into a hug.

“I’m sorry about earlier- I was… kind of shocked and I didn’t know how to react. I just- I hope this makes up for it,” He sighs against your shoulder before turning his face against your neck, rubbing your back as he smiles, “I like you, like, a lot. And in the gay way.”

You giggle in response, “You know, I like you too,”

taglist; @sleepyburs @lillylvjy @ella-fella-bo-bella

[hongcherry]

pretty please (stay with me) || c.sc | 6 (m)

“After being assigned a fashion show for your big senior project, you set off to find volunteers to make it successful. However, when you meet Choi Seungcheol and his unfriendly clique through your volunteers, you realize they’re an unwanted package deal you can’t escape from. Can you handle Seungcheol’s obnoxious friends, and can he handle your brash behavior?”

🍒 Pairing: businessMajor!Seungcheol x fashionMajor!Reader (afab)

🍒 Rating/Genres/AUs: M(18+); Slice of life (!!!), slow burn, drama, fluff, angst, smut; Unrequited enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, college au

🍒 Warnings: General tws + the big talk 🫣, mentions of slut-shaming and degradation (not in bed) -> plz lmk if im missing any! | [Smut warnings] protected sex, oral (f.), multiple orgasms, fingering, cum play, cum swallowing

🍒 WC: 12.6k

🍒 Betas: Sarah, Indi, Kelly, Freya 😻

🍒 Author’s Note: It's always so exciting and saddening when a series ends! It's been over a month since this series started! Special appreciation and thanks to those who have given me feedback and/or were here from the beginning! I really enjoy reading your reactions and analysis!

As I said before, this is the longest fic I've ever written, so this fic holds a special place in my heart for that reason alone. Anyway, thank you again (no this won't be the last time I say it!). Please enjoy the last chapter of "pretty please (stay with me)" 🥹❣️

also read here: AO3 | Wattpad

seventeen masterlist | main masterlist

previous chapter \\ series masterpost // the end

You haven’t stood still in the past hour—buzzing around to everyone in the dressing room to make sure everything is being executed correctly. From last-minute wardrobe alterations to doing makeup and hair touches, you’ve been moving non-stop. Overseeing a fashion show is not easy, or maybe you’re just overthinking the tiniest details.

You aren’t getting a second chance at this, so you want to reduce the possibility of mistakes.

“Everything looks great; take a rest,” Mingyu tells you gently.

You glance up from your clipboard, having printed your to-do list and notes prior. Mingyu stands next to you with a kind smile. Your eyes scan him briefly. You reach forward to fix his outfit for the nth time, but he carefully grabs your wrists.

“It looks fine,” he chuckles.

“Exactly. It looks fine. I need it to be perfect,” you huff.

“You have twenty minutes before the show starts. Let’s go get some fresh air,” he says.

Despite your several headshakes, Mingyu pulls you out of the dressing room and toward the lobby.

“…doing here?”

“You weren’t answering my text or calls. I’d figure you’d be here.”

“We should talk another time.”

You strain your hearing when the voices register in your head. Mingyu glances at you and slows in his steps. From how clear their voices are, you figure Hajun and Seungcheol are around the corner.

“Let’s go out the other way,” Mingyu says, stepping in the other direction. You put a hand on his arm to stop him. You’re too curious to not eavesdrop.

“I’ll be quick,” you hear Hajun say.

Seungcheol sighs. “I already told you over the phone that I didn’t want to be around you when you’re being disrespectful.”

“I know, I know,” she says. “I’m sorry I said all those things to her. I just…I just wanted to look out for you.”

You have no doubt who she’s talking about. If she wants to apologize, she should apologize to you.

“I appreciate the thought, but I’m fine. She’s fine. She’s not as bad as you think,” Seungcheol replies.

“I think you’re just too kind, Cheollie,” she says. “She’s not very nice. She’s not been a good influence on you.”

“That grade wasn’t because of her,” he reasons as if he knows what she’s referring to.

Your eyebrows scrunch at that. What is he talking about? What grade?

“No? Then why have you been so distracted in class? Or why do you show up exhausted?” 

“Those have all been my choices, though,” Seungcheol argues.

“Perhaps, but does she know the world doesn’t revolve around her? She should be considerate and stop being so clingy,” Hajun explains. 

Maybe if you viewed her neutrally, you would think she genuinely has his best interest at heart. But with how she’s treated you, it’s difficult to believe that. 

Mingyu tugs on your arm gently.

“You have ten minutes until showtime,” he whispers in your ear.

You close your eyes, listening to Hajun give more reasons for why you aren’t fit for Seungcheol. You want to stay and hear it all. You want to know if he will keep defending you. However, you’re not about to let all your hard work go to waste.

You nod, tearing yourself away and striding back to the room. You roll your shoulders back, head held high as you channel your attention on doing another round of adjustments.

When it’s three minutes until the show, you discreetly peep your head around the curtains. The theatre is packed, mostly with faces you don’t know. Though on one side, you can see your dad and sister. On the other side, are your new friends. Though the one person you are hoping to see isn’t there.

Seungcheol’s seat is empty.

You know he’s here. You hate how your mind starts forming negative thoughts. Perhaps Hajun has succeeded in making him hate you. Maybe he left with her.

You move away from the curtains and stare at the floor. There’s a tightening in your chest that’s a painful discomfort. After the argument, you were prepared not to see him here. Yet after the brief conversation and learning he had still gotten tickets, hope had risen. Even if it was just a sliver, you wanted to believe you could go back to where you were. Part of you even wished you were blissfully ignorant of his assumptions of you—even though they’re wrong and a “joke” to him.

You have the sudden urge to stand him up tomorrow. You don’t want to see him knowing he was here for you but left with her. However, you need to stop running away. You know you will be happier in the future if you have closure.

Before you can take another glance at the audience, Dr. Lim’s voice sounds.

“Alright, everyone, you’ve all been working hard this semester, and I’m very proud of you all,” he starts, “Remember, you’ll all give a quick introduction of your collection, and then once all your models have walked, you’ll give a final statement.”

You feel a hand on your arm. You turn to see Dae beside you. She’s smiling at you, wiggling your arm as if to say, “We did it!”

You offer a small one, trying to focus on the show again. Too much is going through your mind, and you need to narrow it down.

“You look nervous,” Dae whispers in your ear while Dr. Lim keeps speaking.

“I am, a little,” you answer.

“Don’t worry, I am too. At least we’re done, though. Well, we will be in a few hours,” she giggles.

“Okay, everyone is free to watch from anywhere backstage except for the person on deck. If you’re next, you must be here and ready to go. Everyone ready?”

You nod along with the rest of your class.

“Great, George, you’re first. Siwon, you’re on deck. Don’t forget your order, everyone!”

With that, people start moving. Dae guides you to a corner backstage that has a decent view. It’s angled so you can see your family more than your friends. You crane your neck to check the seats again. This time, two seats are missing. Jeonghan isn’t there anymore. Odd.

“Good evening, all,” Dr. Lim greets as he walks onto the stage. There’s faint music playing in the background, and your heart starts to race knowing there’s no going back now.

“Thank you for coming to support our designers. I am eager to show you the student’s work. Please keep in mind that each student was in charge of their theme, hair, makeup, music, lighting, promotion, and of course, their clothes,” he explains. 

“There won’t be an intermission as the show is rather short, so if you need to go, please exit quietly. With that, also please turn off your cellular devices. Now that I’ve rambled long enough, let’s get started!”

The audience claps as the lights dim. You and Dae watch your peers conduct their shows, both commenting on them quietly every so often. The themes range from specific colors, to movies, to holidays. Although you don’t like most of your classmates, it’s nice to see the variety of art being presented. Soon, it’s yours and Dae’s turn. You wish each other good luck before tending to your models.

You’re on deck, going down the line of your models as you listen to Dae’s introduction. 

“Hello everyone, I’m Dae, and my collection is titled, ‘Limitless’.”

You smile when you hear a few familiar hollers. You’re glad she befriended all your new friends too.

“My theme is space as I want to learn and grow endlessly. Although our space is dark, I want to be one of the stars that shine.”

Dae’s voice fades out as you continue your inspection.

“Take deep breaths,” Mingyu says when you approach him. You reach up and shift a few pieces of his outfit. He stands still as you do so.

“Thanks,” you murmur. “No funny business out there, okay?”

Mingyu smiles. “Of course. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Good, because I know where you live,” you threaten. It’s meant to be told jokingly, but you both know you’re serious.

“Always so charming,” he laughs.

“So I’ve been told,” you smile and pat his chest. “Thanks for agreeing to do this, Mingyu.”

“I could never say no to showing off my handsome features,” he replies, tilting his chin up with confidence.

“Maybe I should have asked Jeonghan instead,” you tease.

Mingyu scoffs playfully, opening his mouth to reply but stops when Dr. Lim appears.

“Yn, ready?”

You face him and nod. “I’m good to go.”

“Excellent,” he pauses, “It was nice having you in class again. I’m wishing you a bright future. You have talent, and I’m excited to see what you do with it.”

“Thank you, Dr. Lim,” you reply. He gives you a grin before leaving again.

Mingyu’s thumbs raise in encouragement when you glance at him. The small smile you offer fails to hide your nervousness.

“People are going to love your designs,” Mingyu reassures. “Now, go get yourself ready.”

“R-right,” you say.

You make your way to the front of your model’s line as you hear Dae give her ending speech. You want to listen to what she’s saying, but you’re too anxious. You glance at yourself in the mirror that is situated backstage, quickly adjusting the outfit you made yourself.

It’s all red—not because of Seungcheol, you tell yourself, but because you needed to match the fabric Jeonghan had bought you—with the top being covered in rhinestones and fading out. The dress hugs your torso and then flares into a flowy bottom with a slit. Over your neck and shoulder blades is red lace that is attached to the fabric Jeonghan got you, giving you a cape that pools on the floor a little. The space between your dress and the cape shows enough skin to be sexy but not overly so to be inappropriate for a school event. 

Although the fabric was meant to be used for one of your model’s outfits, it wasn’t the blue you wanted, and you had already switched your design after Tori took the original from you. You had already planned to make your own dress for the event but hadn’t decided on the design. Since you didn’t want Jeonghan’s fabric to go to waste, you created a design based on it—using your original idea meant for the blue fabric but tweaking it.

Applause erupts, cueing you that you are next. Although you aren’t able to watch Dae’s show, you know Seoah is recording, upon your request, so you can watch it later.

Dae walks backstage as Dr. Lim goes to introduce you.

Dae is beaming, eyes crinkling and mouth open in utter happiness. She goes to you and wraps her arms around you.

“What a rush! That was so fun,” she gushes. “You’re going to do great.”

You return the hug quickly. Her energy bleeds into yours, and your heart races with nervousness. After years of being a spectator of the show, it’s finally your turn to be a participant. You feel all your years at the university have led to this moment. 

“Please welcome Yn,” Dr. Lim says.

Dae gives you an encouraging pat on the back before she steps away. You take a moment to inhale a deep breath, rolling back your shoulders and stepping out onto the stage.

The stage lights are blinding, making it difficult to see out into the entire crowd. You take the mic from your professor and curl your fingers around the object a little tighter than you should. Your eyes dart across unfamiliar faces as your eyes try to adjust to the lights.

“Good evening. My name is Yn, and my collection is titled, ‘Pinwheel’,” you start, voice wavering to show how anxious you are. As you take a quick second to recollect yourself, your eyes snag on a face you’re keen to see.

Seungcheol.

He didn’t leave.

Normally, you would question why he took so long to be seated, but you’re too jittery with the show. You don’t have the energy. Rather you focus on his eyes. They watch you fondly. His hair is pushed from his face like he put some product in it. You feel honored he dressed up for you.

He tilts his head and stretches his lips into a reassuring smile. Although it makes your heart pump quicker, it also gives you the push you need to continue.

“You’ll see an array of colors and designs that represent the four elements—air, water, earth, and fire. I wanted to try different styles that still coordinated together in some way. I hope you all enjoy,” you continue.

The crowd applauds, and amongst the noise, you can make out a few hollers from your friends. It eases your nervousness as you walk off stage. The lights adjust, and the track Jihoon created begins to play.

You motion for the first model to begin walking. You stay in the same spot as your volunteers ascend the runway. You fall into a rhythm as you time your models. When it comes to Mingyu, you expect him to sneak in a joke. However, his face is set in stone and is serious. You smile softly and lightly touch his arm to signal him. 

You glance beyond the curtain to watch him for a second. As Mingyu promised, he doesn’t do anything to ruin your show. If you didn’t know he was a photography major, you would suspect he was an actual model. A goofy part of your brain wonders if he practiced his walk in his apartment.

Two models left and then everyone will do one more walk. That’s all you have left. Despite the already short time of your portion of the show, it feels a lot shorter. Everything has been going well so far. No models slip, your outfits stay intact, and there aren't any technical difficulties.

You appear in front of the audience again as your models finish their last trip around the stage. Your models stay on the stage, allowing the audience to associate the designs with the designer.

“As you’ve heard many times tonight, thank you for coming. This project was challenging, but the reward was worth it. If you have any questions about my collection, please don’t hesitate to ask me after the show. Thank you,” you conclude, giving a bow.

Each clap from the audience chips away at the weight on your shoulders. You can breathe easier knowing that that is it. The project you’ve been waiting to do since before your freshman year has finally come and gone. And gone well nonetheless.

You watch as your friends and family stand, big smiles on all their faces. Although they all mean a lot to you, you can’t help but look for Seungcheol out of all of them.

He stands tall, hands clapping together, with a huge grin on his handsome face. His eyes shine with pride, and you can feel that familiar warmth spreading across your chest again. It feels like you’ve just given your first fashion show as a big-name designer, but in reality, it’s simply a senior project. Seungcheol makes it feel more than it is. And that makes you feel all the more confident.

There are only three more students after you. You and Dae go back to you where you were originally seated, this time accompanied by Mingyu—now dressed in his own clothes. As the show ends, all the students file onto the stage.

“It was a joy to witness the progression of the student’s works. Thank you for another successful show. Seniors, you should all be proud of your work,” Dr. Lim pauses to glance at you all. “Please enjoy the refreshments in the lobby. You’re welcome to mingle and network for at least another hour. Now, please give another round of applause for our talented students.”

The sound fills your chest with a bittersweet feeling as you take your final bow.

“Your designs were gorgeous!” Seoah exclaims when she finds you in the lobby. She runs into you, wrapping her arms around you in a tight hug. Your father comes next, joining in a three-way embrace.

“You did amazing, sweetheart,” he compliments. Your heart is swelling from their kind words. They have seen some of your past designs, but this is different. Even though it’s a school production, it’s still the biggest fashion show you’ve ever been a part of.

“I need you to make me that green one! The one that looked like it was made of leaves and vines. That was my favorite. You get to keep your clothes, right?” Seoah speaks quickly in excitement.

You laugh softly, nodding. “I’m afraid family relations only grant you a five-percent discount.”

“What?” she huffs. “I should get it for free for being the best sister.”

“You’re my only sister,” you argue.

“Which makes me more special!”

“Alright, girls. We can arrange a business deal at home. I’m going to take Seoah to get some ice cream. We’ll see you later,” your father says. You give them each a last hug before waving them goodbye.

You don’t even get a minute break before you feel arms wrap around you.

“I told you you would do great!”

Soonyoung’s loud voice rings in your ear, causing you to flinch. He tears himself from you with a big smile. Your friends gather around in a semicircle, all showering you with praises and words of encouragement. However, like before, one face is missing from the crowd.

“Even though I just met you this semester, I’m proud of you,” Yejun says. You thank him before watching as he leaves to go to Dae. He’s more her friend than yours, but you’re still grateful for his words.

“Does Mingyu get to keep his outfit?” Vernon questions.

You shake your head.

“Good,” Seungkwan chimes in. “He doesn’t deserve such nice clothes.”

“Hey!” Mingyu gasps, offended.

“Excuse me?” an unfamiliar voice interrupts your crowd. All heads turn to see an older woman, dressed professionally. “Yn, right?”

You turn away from your friends to greet the stranger. “Yes, hello.”

“My name’s Park Quinn. I work for a local agency and wanted to give you my contact information. I loved your collection,” she says.

Your eyes widen. “Oh, that’d be great.”

You take the card she gives you.

“I don’t want to take time away from your friends, so please contact me whenever you can. We can try to arrange something if you’re interested.”

You nod, trying not to seem too enthusiastic and eager at the proposal.

“Of course. Thank you, Ms. Park.”

She smiles and then turns away. Before you can dive back into your friend’s bickering, which you can hear faintly in the background, more people come up to greet you. Many of whom you don’t know. Some are prospective students; others are more recruiters.

You’re talking to different people for what feels like ages before the crowd finally slows down. Your friends left a few minutes ago, telling you they’ll arrange a time you can all hang out. 

You’re backstage to gather your belongings and clothes when there’s a soft knock on the open door.

“I’m almost done,” you announce, figuring it’s Dr. Lim coming to tell you to hurry so he can lock the theatre.

“Take your time, Cherry.”

Your hands pause in reaching for a garment bag, gaze whizzing to see the person.

Seungcheol stands in the doorway with a small bouquet of flowers. They’re a mix of reds, pinks, and greens. It’s beautiful. 

Too nervous about the show earlier, you finally take in his attire. He’s wearing an all-black suit, the undershirt being a turtleneck. You saw his new hairstyle while on stage, but it still surprises you to see it up close. 

He looks stunning.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, a little shocked to see him.

He smiles, walking farther into the room. “I wanted to give you these.”

He holds out the bouquet. You stare at it a little too long because Seungcheol starts to chuckle.

“Not the ones you like?” he teases. He begins to set them down on a nearby table, but you stop him. You take it in your free hand, the other occupied with other items.

“They’re pretty,” you reassure. “Thank you.”

He grins when you finally accept them. In exchange, he grabs your belongings from you. You tilt the flowers to your face, breathing in their fresh smell and grinning slightly.

“Your collection was incredible,” he says.

“You think so?” you hum, eyes glancing at the clothes which are hanging in bags. 

“The best out there.”

You smile. “You sound a little biased, Seungcheol.”

“Maybe,” he shrugs, “but I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

Silence fills the room as you both stare at each other. His eyes drift to your body. You feel a little shy, and the need to fill the silence grows. You want to ask what took him so long to come into the theatre, but that would mean you were actively looking for him. It would also mean Hajun would most likely be mentioned if he decided to go into detail. That topic could wait until tomorrow. You’re enjoying being able to talk to him like you used to, albeit a little more consciously.

“D-do you like it?” you ask in lieu.

Seungcheol’s eyes move back to yours.

“You made this?” he asks, gesturing to your dress.

You nod.

“You’re very talented,” he praises. “Though that was evident earlier… You look beautiful, Yn.”

Something about hearing your real name from his mouth has the compliment’s meaning more impactful.

“I do?” you ask, shifting your weight.

“I’ve never heard you so doubtful before,” he observes with a gentle grin. “First about your designs, and now about your looks.”

He reaches out to you, and for a split second, you think he’s going to caress your face. Instead, he grazes his fingers over the cape’s fabric.

“You do look pretty,” he hums. His eyes scan the material, gaze softening as if recalling something bittersweet.

“Jeonghan bought it for me,” you state. You’re not sure why you disclose that information. Why does it matter to Seungcheol if Jeonghan gifted the fabric to you? He probably doesn’t care. The air just felt too suffocating to stay silent. 

“That’s nice of him,” he mutters before pulling away. Maybe you’re imagining it, but he sounds more monotone than before.

“Y-yeah.”

Another pause.

“Actually, I should probably change out of it. Do you mind?” you ask. You expect him to make a joke of “having seen it all already,” but he doesn’t.

“Oh, yeah. Of c-course,” he answers, turning around.

You wait a few seconds to ensure he isn’t going to peek before finding your bag with your spare clothes. The dress you don is too long to wear outside. You don’t want it to get snagged on anything; plus, you’ll probably get your foot tangled in the fabric in the car later.

You quickly change into a simple dress and sneakers, stuffing your red dress in another garment bag.

“Okay, I’m done,” you announce.

Seungcheol turns slowly. He takes in your new outfit, and if you didn’t squirm and look away, you would’ve spotted the little smile on his lips.

“Do you need help cleaning up?” he asks, glancing around the room. It’s mostly empty. You just need to carry the clothes back to your car.

“You don’t have to stay. Thank you for the flowers,” you say.

“Well, I’m not letting you walk to your car alone,” he replies.

“I’ll be fine. The campus is well-lit.”

Seungcheol eyes you, mouth pursing to tell you he doesn’t care.

You sigh and hold out the bouquet, knowing he isn’t going to leave. “Hold these.”

He does so and watches as you drape the garment bags over a table. You start to dissemble the clothing rack.

“I could’ve done that,” Seungcheol says.

“I’m sure you’re capable, but it’s quicker if I do it. I know how to take it apart,” you reason. You place the pieces in the bag they came in, zipping it and placing the strap on your shoulder.

“Let me,” Seungcheol offers.

“I don’t know,” you say slowly, stepping away. “You look awfully pretty holding those flowers.”

And he does. 

His dark clothes and hair contrasting with the bright colors of the flowers, create a pleasing sight. 

Upon hearing your teasing tone, he grins. “You look prettier with them, so take them.”

He holds out the object, but you shake your head. You hang the clothes over your arms despite his second protest.

“I need a good view on our walk to my car,” you explain and start to move to the door. He follows reluctantly.

Somehow along the journey, you end up swapping items anyway. You now hold the bouquet, unable to stop taking several whiffs. You can’t remember if you’ve ever gotten flowers before. Maybe one or two, but never a whole bouquet.

Seungcheol packs your car carefully, ensuring he doesn’t accidentally destroy any of your outfits. They’re all protected in bags, but that doesn’t make them invincible.

“Are we still meeting tomorrow?” he asks when you’re seated in your car; your window is rolled down to talk to him. He has one hand resting on the roof of your car as he peers in.

“If you’re still willing to,” you reply.

“I am,” he answers.

“Okay.”

A pause.

“Will you text me when you get home?” he asks.

“You don’t need—”

“Or I can tail you. It’s your choice, Cherry.”

You exhale audibly.

“I’ll text you,” you decide.

He smiles. “I thought so.”

He stands up to leave, telling you a goodbye you barely register as you debate something in your head.

“Wait, Ch-Seungcheol,” you call and peek your head out.

He pauses in his steps to look back.

“Will you… text me when you get home, too?” you ask hesitantly. The question shouldn’t make you nervous, but it does. Maybe because it’s a hint that you still care about him. 

The corner of Seungcheol’s mouth rises, a gentle chuckle escaping into the night.

“Yes.”

The simple word has you reflecting your own grin, giving him a final wave as he walks to his car, which is easily visible due to the nearly-empty lot. You wait for him to get into his vehicle before you leave.

You [10:48 PM]: Home.

Choi Seungcheol [10:56 PM]: good

You [10:57 PM]: Are you texting and driving, or are you home as well?

Choi Seungcheol [10:57 PM]: home (:

You [10:58 PM]: Did you forget to tell me?

Choi Seungcheol [10:59 PM]: no i just got home

You [10:59 PM]: Okay.

You [10: 59 PM]: Thank you for coming and for the flowers.

Choi Seungcheol [11:00 PM]: u dont need to thank me. i enjoyed it

You [11:01 PM]: Still… Goodnight, Seungcheol.

Choi Seungcheol [11:01 PM]: sweet dreams cherry

The trek to Seungcheol’s apartment door is grave.

As much as you try to push away the last memories you had here, they’re difficult to ignore. Each step makes the feelings resurface. You just wish this visit won’t end in the same way. His words from that day still sting, but you’re tired of staying in the past. The short interaction with him last night reminds you of how nice it is to be around him when you aren’t fending off his business friends. It spurs the hope you once felt that you could somehow make it work with him.

Seungcheol had messaged you earlier that something had come up and asked to meet at his apartment instead of the café. You were hesitant at first, but he reassured you he wasn’t going to offer a ride. It’s a bit silly that the decision is based on whether he is driving you, but you feel more comfortable knowing you don’t have to rely on him if things go awry.

Seungcheol opens the door with a kind smile.

“Come in,” he greets, stepping to the side.

You move past him and take off your shoes while he shuts and locks the door.

“I’m sorry about the change in plans, I—”

Your scream has him halting.

You hastily push yourself behind Seungcheol, shoving your back against the wall and clutching his shirt roughly. 

The abrupt yank on his clothes has Seungcheol stumbling backward. His hands come up to steady himself on the wall, trying not to crush you. 

You hold him close to your body as a shield.

“Get it away! Please, Cheol! Make it leave!” you yelp frantically.

“W-what? What’s wrong?!” Seungcheol asks, completely startled by your sudden outburst. He tries to turn to face you, but your strong grip on his shirt limits his range of motion. “It’s only… Oh.”

Seungcheol laughs.

A chorus of “ha’s” that has you hitting his back in frustration.

“Cheol!” you whine when a loud woof sounds in the room.

“I didn’t know you were scared of dogs,” he muses.

In front of Seungcheol is a big, furry dog. The breed is unknown to you, but that’s the least of your worries. You truly don’t give a fuck. You just need it gone.

“Well, I am, so make it go away!” you cry and give his muscular back another thud. 

“Okay, okay. Let go, Cherry,” he chuckles. You slowly release him, keeping your body one with the wall.

“Come on, Cho, let’s give Cherry some space,” he says cheerfully to the dog; the pitch is higher than before. Why does the beast get to hear that tone from him?

“It’s staring at me,” you huff, eyes on the animal carefully.

“He’s just interested in you,” Seungcheol chuckles, hand rubbing the dog’s head. He moves away and tries to call the dog to him, but it doesn't listen.

Another yelp comes from your lips when it starts to walk toward you again. Seungcheol kneels down and holds onto its chest instead, almost as if he’s hugging it.

“Go to my bedroom; I’ll be there in a second,” he instructs kindly.

“It’s going to chase me,” you say.

He laughs softly. “I’m holding onto him. You’re safe.”

“Are you sure?” you ask cautiously.

“Yes. Go on,” he smiles encouragingly, nodding in the direction of his room.

Slowly, you push away from the wall. You stay a good distance from the beast in Seungcheol’s arms. As if it wants to tease you, it barks at you. That lights a fire under your ass that makes you break out into a sprint.

You shut his door in a hurry.

You step away from the entry in case the dog decides to knock it down. As you unwind, your eyes scan his room. Nothing has really changed—not that it should’ve. While his bathroom door is ajar, his closet is on full display. You don’t think anything of it, but then your eyes catch on to something red. He has red in his closet, so the color isn’t what intrigues you. What catches your attention is that it’s a dress.

A red dress in Seungcheol’s closet.

You shouldn’t be touching his stuff without his permission, but your hand reaches out on its own. You carefully graze your fingers over the material. The silk is smooth under your touch. It feels good against your skin.

There’s a bag hanging off the hanger. You should stop while you can—snooping never ends well for anyone. Yet, that doesn’t halt your hands from removing the bag and peering inside. It’s empty except for a receipt.

You figure it’s for the dress; however, the name of the place at the top isn’t a clothing store.

It’s a fabric store.

Seungcheol’s door suddenly opens, jolting you from your spot, paper still in hand.

“Are you okay? I would’ve put him in another room if I had known you were scar—”

His eyes fall onto your hand. They grow slightly, and he stands still.

You take the moment to look back at it, scanning the item to try to figure out what it’s for. Before you can examine it for long, it’s pulled from your grasp.

“What’s that for?” you ask as he stuffs it in the pocket of his jeans.

“Nothing. Why are you looking through my stuff?” he questions back. His tone isn’t unkind, but it’s not as cordial as it was before.

You can lie about it, but it was in a bag you deliberately opened. Unless he forgot where he put it, he would know the truth.

“I was curious,” you answer truthfully.

“It’s not polite to look through people’s things,” he scolds and walks to his closet door. He starts to shut it, but you can’t move past the mysterious dress.

“Are you seeing someone?” you wonder. There’s something sharp prodding your heart at the possibility. Perhaps it shouldn’t matter. Maybe you’re just here to mend a broken platonic friendship rather than a romantic one. You were never his to begin with, but something breaks in your chest at the idea of the opportunity being taken from you.

Suddenly, “Are you dating Hajun?”

All those times you pushed him away… Were you pushing him into her arms instead? Is that why he never let go of her? But he didn’t sound like her boyfriend in the theatre’s lobby.

Seungcheol finishes shutting his closet door before he focuses on you. His eyes dance across your face for a moment. You can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“What makes you think that?” he asks. He moves to sit on the bed, patting the space beside him, but you shake your head. You don’t want to be close to him right now.

“The dress,” you trail off, “in your closet.”

He releases a dispirited exhale.

“It’s not hers,” he says.

The grip around your heart loosens an inch but still holds on tightly.

“Hana’s?”

“No.”

“Then?”

“Let’s resolve our other issues before we get into another, okay?” he suggests.

Your eyebrows furrow. “So, the dress would cause another issue?”

“Hasn’t it already?” he sighs. “You weren’t meant to see that.”

You scoff, arms crossing. “I would’ve never guessed.”

Seungcheol frowns at your sarcasm.

“We can talk about it later.”

“Why dance around the topic? Just tell me if you’re seeing someone,” you argue.

“Why?” he replies, eyebrow quirking.

“Because—” I want to know if there’s a chance for us. “—that would explain the dress.”

“Just dro—”

“What’s the big deal?”

“It’s—”

“Just tell me.”

“Cherry,” Seungcheol groans.

“Yes or no. It’s simple.”

“No.”

“No, you’re not dating, or no, you don’t want to answer me?”

“No, I’m not dating anyone.”

You narrow your eyes at him. Some relief floods in your chest, but there’s still something odd about the wardrobe addition.

“Then—”

“It’s yours,” he finally huffs out, irritation laced in his tone.

That shuts you up successfully.

“It’s for you,” he sighs, voice softer, and stands up. “Or, it was for you.”

He pulls open his closet and takes the garment off its hanger. He grabs one of your hands and places the item in it. Before you can get a proper grip on it, Seungcheol lets go which forces you to clutch it quickly. 

“Wha-What do you mean? I-I didn’t leave this here. I’ve never worn this. I—”

Seungcheol shakes his head. “It’s new. I got it before… before our fight. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.”

Your eyes drift to the dress in your hands, lifting it up to see it better. It’s nothing too flashy, but it’s still beautiful with its simplicity.

That pang in your heart comes back but for a different reason.

“You’re not just saying this as an excuse, right?” you ask, the thought bubbling in your mind.

He gently takes the dress from you, laying it out on one side of the bed while guiding you to the other. He sits you down.

“No,” he answers. “I’m telling you the truth. It’s yours if you want it—no strings attached. If not, I can donate it.”

Your eyes move back to the clothing item.

“Why did you get it for me?” you ask and look at him.

Seungcheol rakes a hand through his hair, ears turning a light pink. “I was going to ask you on a date.”

“Y-you were?” you stammer, eyes wide. You’ve always wondered if what he told you while you were crying in his arms was true or if it was all just said in the heat of the moment. Your heart races knowing he meant them. He really did like you then.

“And I was going to ask you to wear this,” he explains, eyes moving from yours.

You continue to stare at him, flabbergasted. His plan was sweet, and part of you feels bad for having ruined it. Though, that wasn’t entirely your fault.

You’re not sure how to respond. You feel utterly honored that he got you a dress for your potential first date with him. However, you don’t know where you stand right now. Unresolved issues still hang in the air.

“Let’s talk about something else, then get back to this, alright?” he tries again.

This time, you nod.

“I know I already apologized, but I truly am sorry for what I said here last time,” he begins.

“Were you really just joking?” you wonder.

“It was a mix, honestly. I was a little shocked at the thought of you never having sex before.”

You frown but try to keep your emotions in control. “Why?”

“Because I’ve heard you’ve gotten around.” He winces as the words come out. You glance in your lap for a second, grabbing the hem of your skirt to play with it.

“From who?”

You aren’t too surprised to hear this information. You have plenty of “enemies” on campus. One of them was bound to start rumors. Hell, you have a few exes that go to the university, so they could’ve spread false information too.

“Several people,” he speaks softly so he doesn’t hurt your feelings. “I actually knew about you before we met at Jeonghan’s.”

“Really?” you question and look at him again. 

“Yeah, but I heard about you a lot more when Hajun and Hana realized who you were,” he explains. “I guess their words stuck without me knowing.”

Your lips dip down. “Did you believe them?”

You hold your breath as you wait for his reply. You already have a feeling Hajun and Hana have talked enough shit about you to fill two whole toilets, but their opinion of you isn’t the one that matters.

Seungcheol sighs, gaze drifting from you and then away.

“I’ve never seen you act the way they described, so not completely,” he answers.

“Not completely?” you repeat.

“There was always that thought in the back of my head… Wondering if you just wanted to sleep with me.”

A scoff. “You thought that even when I kept pushing you away at the start?”

“Maybe you were playing hard to get,” he attempts to reason.

“No, I was genuinely annoyed,” you say.

“Ouch,” he frowns.

“Also, need I remind you that you were the one that kept approaching me?” you add.

Seungcheol leans back on one hand, the other running through his hair again.

“I know,” he says. “I think I just heard Hajun and Hana talk so much that the thought was just always there because of them. I never saw the person I heard about… Well, you weren’t always nice, which I also heard.”

You roll your eyes, not truly irritated at his last comment since it isn’t entirely false. “I’m not one to play along if I don’t like you.”

“I’m aware,” he answers, a small smile on his lips.

“Why did you stay friends with them when they said bad things about me?” you question next.

“Like I said that day, I had known them a long time, and we were in a project together.”

You recall his reasoning, but you still want to ask. “That’s it?”

“Why do you think I did it?”

“Because you agreed with their views on me,” then you mutter, “or maybe because you liked Hajun.”

Seungcheol’s eyebrows angle downward. “I’ve never felt anything romantic toward Hajun, and I didn’t believe them.”

“Did it not bother you when they said that stuff?” you ask.

“It did. I really did tell them to stop when you weren’t around,” he answers. “It’s not easy to let go of people you’ve known for years.”

“I beg to differ,” you huff.

“Would you ditch Dae if she spoke badly about me constantly?” he questions.

You tilt your head. “That would mean I have to care about you a lot.”

“Don’t you?” he teases lightly, leaning toward you.

You smile small. “More than her? No.”

“Breaking my heart, Cherry,” he chuckles and pulls away. He inhales deeply and then continues. “I was hoping something would change, and you would all get along.”

“I told you it would never have worked out,” you reply.

“Wishful thinking,” he shrugs.

You nod, moving your gaze again. An important question lingers in your mind. You want to ask, but you’re truly nervous about his answer. At one point, you would’ve found a way for it to work, but now, you don’t know if you can.

“Ask me,” Seungcheol coaxes softly. You glance at him, wondering how he knows you have a question for him.

He chuckles. “I know there’s more running in that pretty head of yours.”

Taking a deep breath, you nod.

“Are you still talking to them?”

He was just talking to Hajun yesterday, so you aren’t going to be surprised if he says yes.

“No, I’m not,” he answers sternly.

That shocks you more.

“Y-you’re not?”

He chuckles, shaking his head.

“I realized I care about you more than I do them,” he says, echoing your earlier words. “I choose you. I’ve always chosen you in the end—even if it didn’t feel like it.“

You’re on the edge of inwardly celebrating. It’s relieving to finally hear he has cut ties with the people who made your life miserable.

“I-I saw you… I mean, I heard you yesterday with Hajun at the theatre,” you confess.

It’s his turn for his eyes to open bigger. “Nothing happened between us.”

“What was she talking about with your grades?” you ask, recalling how she used that against you.

Seungcheol rubs his temples. “I just got a low test score. It really isn’t a big deal.”

“Because of me?” You frown.

“No,” he’s quick to reassure, “it had nothing to do with you.”

“But Hajun said—”

“She was just finding excuses for me not to be there,” he explains. “Her words didn’t mean anything. I’ve gotten low grades before.”

“She seemed serious,” you argue.

“Because she was,” he sighs.

“Do you really think she was looking out for you?”

Seungcheol rubs at the back of his neck. “Sort of, but I also think she was exaggerating things to make you seem worse.”

“I’m sorry if I distracted you from your studies. I should’ve left you alone,” you apologize, averting your gaze.

Seungcheol reaches out to grab one of your hands. You look at him when you feel his touch.

“Even if you tried, I would’ve kept bugging you,” he replies. His words make you feel a little better, but you still feel guilty despite him saying it isn’t your fault.

“Why would you have?” you ask.

He smiles kindly, eyes softening at the thought of his reply.

“Because I liked you and wanted to get to know you more.”

Your face heats at his words, or maybe it’s because your body is tingling with his skin against yours. Regardless, you feel the butterflies awaken in your stomach.

“Do you—do you still,” you trail off, feeling anxious at the question.

“Do I what?” he presses gently. His thumb glides against the top of your hand.

You stare at his floor when you continue slowly, “Do you still like me?”

There’s a moment of silence before you feel his fingers against your chin. He guides you to look at him; he’s staring at you as if he cherishes and adores you. 

It’s the same look he had when he was watching both of your friends at the restaurant. It’s difficult to believe he’s giving that gaze to you now. 

You can’t tear your eyes from him.

“I like you very much,” he declares confidently.

Your mouth twitches as you try to suppress your smile, but it’s pointless. Your lips stretch until they hurt.

Seungcheol mimics your grin. “Do you like me?”

At one point, you would’ve profusely denied it. You’ve been pushing away those tempting thoughts for so long that you can’t do it anymore. There is something about Seungcheol that you can’t shake off.

It could be the way he always holds the door open for you. It could be that he always takes care of you—carrying you so you won’t hurt your feet, offering his home when you need it, holding your belongings so you have to lift as few fingers as possible. Or perhaps it could be the way he makes you feel like your head is in the clouds. 

You always thought you’d want a partner who you didn’t constantly argue with, but you found the light bantering between you two entertaining. Sure, it does get under your skin at times, but you never stay truly mad at him.

Seungcheol makes you feel special. He makes you feel wanted.

He makes you feel loved.

So, with the smile still etched on your face, you answer, “Yes. I like you.”

Seungcheol’s eyes go from quarter moons to waxing crescents. Small wrinkles form as his mouth widens to a gummy smile. The happiness on his face has your heart skipping.

“May I kiss you?” he asks, eyes hopeful.

You nod without hesitation. “Please.”

Seungcheol’s lips still have the same effect as before. It takes your breath away and makes you giddy.

He moves a hand to the back of your neck, pulling you closer until you are nearly on his lap. The position doesn’t offer you much balance since you’re trying not to knee him in the jewels.

You start to pull away when you feel your body slipping off the edge of the mattress.

“Wait, Cheol—” you try to warn, but it’s too late.

You tumble to the floor, dragging him with you.

You both land with a thump as you’re pulled from each other.

Seungcheol’s booming laugh echoes in his room, causing your own stomach to hurt from giggling.

“Are you okay?” he asks between breaths while sitting up. You stand from the floor, straightening out your clothes. He follows you up.

“Yeah,” you reply. “You?”

“I’m fine,” he reassures.

You jump when the dog outside barks at the noise. Seungcheol smiles at you and reaches out to give you a comforting pat.

“Relax, Cherry. Cho isn’t going to hurt you. He’s a big baby,” Seungcheol soothes.

“It didn’t look like one,” you huff, recalling the size of the animal.

Seungcheol guides you back to the bed.

“Do you have any more questions for me?” he asks, easing back into the somber conversation.

You pause as you think. When nothing comes up, you shake your head.

“Do you?” you offer.

“Three,” he answers.

You breathe slowly, preparing yourself for them. “Okay, what’s your first?”

“What else did Hajun tell you by the restroom?” he wonders.

“Oh,” you mumble, not expecting that. You go back to that memory in your head. “A-are you sure you want to know?”

Seungcheol's face grows serious, head nodding curtly.

“She said you left me because I was a slut. She told me you said I was the ‘worst fuck you’ve ever had,’ and she called me worthless,” you pause as Seungcheol’s jaw clenches and eyes narrow. If you weren’t talking about someone else, you would be worried to see such an intense stare. 

“She said you were trying to get rid of me, and the only way you could do that was to sleep with me… Since you know, I just need ‘something between my legs to be satisfied’.”

He’s quiet for a moment. Usually, it doesn’t bother you, but combined with his stare makes you shift uncomfortably.

“I didn’t say any of that. I hope you know that. She made that up,” he says, expression easing when he speaks to you. “I wasn’t even going to say anything, but she kept wondering why you weren’t around. I just told her we had a falling out, and that’s it.”

From the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice, you believe him.

“I believe you,” you voice aloud.

His once-tensed shoulders relax at your words. “I never wanted you to leave. I never wanted to hurt you. You’re not any of the names she called you.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. Although you’ve been trying to ignore Hajun’s words the past few days, you feel better knowing Seungcheol’s true feelings.

“I’m still sorry,” he says.

“I know. I forgive you,” you respond, hand resting on his thigh.

“You don’t have to. I know what I said was disgusting and rude.”

“It was,” you concur, “but I’m willing to forgive you because I don’t think you mean what you said.”

And now he won’t have those toxic people whispering lies in his ears.

“I don’t,” he repeats. “I think people are intimidated by your confidence. You know what you want, and you know your identity, while some people don’t. It scares them, so they take it out on you. They’re jealous of you.”

“It sounds like you're buttering my biscuits, Mr. Choi,” you hum as you listen to him analyze the people who dislike you.

“I’m just being honest,” he says, a slight frown on his lips.

“I appreciate it,” you reply more earnestly. You’re grateful he confirmed he didn’t think those negative thoughts about you. You feel you can circle around the topic for hours, so you ask for the second question.

“Do you like Jeonghan?” Seungcheol asks.

That takes you by surprise. “No, why do you ask?”

You almost laugh at the idea of dating Jeonghan, but you refrain from it. You don’t want Seungcheol to think his question is stupid even if it is.

“You two just seem close,” he says.

“I tolerate him more,” you explain. “I only like you. Now, next question.”

“Wait, I want to make sure you don’t like hi—Hmph!”

Your lips meet his to stop his sentence. He melts quickly against your mouth, a hand reaching out to your waist. You pull away before it can go any further.

“I would never kiss Jeonghan like that,” you smile.

Seungcheol grimaces at the image you put in his head. “That doesn’t mean you don’t like him.”

“So, I would like that fool, but not kiss him?” you wonder. “Okay. Then I like you, but we can’t kiss anymore.”

“What?” he asks, startled.

“If I can like Jeonghan and not kiss him, then I can like you and not kiss you.”

The corner of Seungcheol’s mouth pushes down. His lips purse slightly when he speaks, “Alright, I get it. I believe you. Kiss me.”

“No,” you say defiantly.

“If you like me, then you’ll kiss me,” he explains.

“But you just said—”

“I lied. You have to kiss the people you like,” he corrects quickly, leaning toward you.

“Is that so?” you ask, a mischievous smirk forming on your lips.

Not having a good feeling with the look on your face, Seungcheol sulks, “You only like me, so that means you can only kiss me.”

You smile at hearing his dragged-out words.

“Is that the rule?” you tease.

“Yes,” he huffs.

“Then I guess I can kiss you,” you say. However, you don’t move from your spot.

Seungcheol fusses, “Now, baby.”

“Oh,” you giggle. “Fine.”

You move in closer, smiling when he meets you halfway. The kiss doesn’t last long as you pull away to ask for his third question.

His tongue darts across his bottom lip as he stares at you. His gaze is solemn, and you mentally prepare yourself for what he has to ask.

“It hurt me to know I caused you pain,” he starts slowly. “I never wanted you to think I believed the rumors about you, but I guess they had an effect on me that I wasn’t conscious of. I regretted everything I told you that day the second it came from my mouth. I was so desperate to fix my mistakes that I didn’t take the moment to think.”

You watch him intently. Each word is taken in with great care, trying to push aside the initial feelings of anger and hurt to hear him objectively.

“I know I made a mistake by keeping them my friends for so long. I just wanted things to work out, and I wanted you all to see the good in each other. I know that sounds a little cliché, but it’s true… Maybe I just didn’t want to choose between you all,” he pauses to take a breath.

“Though, most of all, I wanted to know you more. Despite not having the best first impression, I realized quickly you weren’t what people made you out to be. Along the way, I started to see you as more than a friend, but I had trouble finding the right moment to see things through. Then I fucked it up, and I didn’t think I could fix it… but you’re here now. And we’ve talked things through.”

You nod to show you understand what he’s saying.

“So, where do we stand?” he finally asks.

“I’m sure we could go around each other for days, but I’m ready to move on. I was fully prepared to never talk to you again, but I couldn’t,” you stop gradually, not sure if you want to disclose your next thoughts.

“You couldn’t talk to me?” he asks, confused.

Sighing, “No. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Oh,” he replies, a small smile on his lips.

“Don’t get too happy now. They weren’t all good thoughts.”

“I know,” his smile faltering, “but there were some good ones?”

“Yeah… There were good ones too,” you reply softly.

Seungcheol takes your hands in his, shuffling closer.

“What were they about?” he ponders.

You squeeze his hands. “Your smile.”

At your answer, his lips begin to lift again.

“How you held me,” you continue.

Seungcheol takes that as an invitation to push you back against his pillows. You smile, raising your arms to wrap around his neck as he presses his body against yours. One of his hands snakes under your back while the other rests on the mattress so he doesn’t squish you completely.

“How you kissed me,” you whisper.

The man above you grins wider, pecking your lips tenderly. You chase his lips, and he grants you a lingering kiss before pulling away.

“And most importantly, how you made me feel.”

Seungcheol rubs your back gently. “And how did I make you feel?”

“Like I was yours,” you murmur as your face warms at the confession.

“Will you be mine? Officially?” he asks, gaze darting back and forth between your eyes.

You wonder if he can feel your racing heart against his chest.

“Yes,” you say. “Officially.”

He chuckles, pressing his mouth on yours as if to really make it official.

Your mouths move languidly. You can feel his hair fall around your face, tickling your cheeks. Smiling, you tuck the strands behind his ears and then keep your palms cupping his cheeks.

When you adjust a leg to wrap around his lower back, he moves the hand under you to rub your bare thigh—exposed by your skirt. His hand trails up and down your skin for a moment until it goes lower. He grabs your ass, massaging it over your panties. His lips slip from yours to kiss along your jawline until he finds your neck. You have no doubt that you’ll end up having to hide a purple mark later.

Both your clothes are off in a matter of seconds. Seungcheol’s hands move across your body, exploring each bump and crevice as if it’s his first time. However, you’re no different. You feel like you’ve touched every part of him, yet you still want more.

Your soft moans fill the room when he scatters kisses down your body before latching his mouth on your clit. His hair quickly becomes tangled as you grab it. Your hips roll against his face, chest rising and falling as you get closer to your high. 

His fingers accompany his mouth, pumping and scissoring in your wet hole. His raspy voice sounds sexy as he praises you when you come, but his moans are sexier. His eyes are hooded, drinking up everything you give him until you lax on his mattress.

You don’t even realize he put away your new red dress and slipped on a condom until a dip in the bed catches your attention. Your vision is coming back to you gradually. Seeing Seungcheol with messy hair and his lower face covered in your juices has you pouncing on him. 

His laughter rings out, grabbing your face and slotting his mouth against yours while you straddle him. You don’t care that you can taste yourself on his tongue. You just need him to fill you.

You slide your dripping folds along his thick length, making sure it’s coated so he can sink into you easily. And easy it is.

Both your sighs and strangled moans permeate his room. You stare down at him, mouth open as you move your hips. His brows meet; he’s trying to control his breathing. Each drag of his cock against your walls feels heavenly. Although the pace is similar to the first time, it feels different. There’s more meaning with every circle and rock of your hips. Maybe you’re making it up all in your head, but when Seungcheol pulls you down on top of him to hold you as he begins to thrust his hips up, you know you aren’t.

The way he kisses you tells you he feels the same.

There’s less desperation in his movements now. You don’t have to worry about this being the last time. You don’t have to worry about him hooking up with another person. He isn’t available to anyone anymore. He’s loyal. He’s kind.

He’s yours.

Your legs press against his sides, a loud cry tearing from your throat as he pushes you over the edge. Your walls flutter around his cock that’s still gliding inside you.

“Just for me,” he pants. “You’re just for me.”

You nod, spewing a variation of agreements as you cling to him. Your body rubs against his while he keeps thrusting up. Mewls fall from your mouth as you start to become overstimulated.

Seungcheol coos in your ear, telling you he’s close and that you’re a good girl for letting him use you for his pleasure. His hips stutter each time you clench your walls around him.

By the time Seungcheol pulls out, you are a moaning mess. He flips you over, pulls off the condom, then comes onto your stomach and breasts. You’re sure the sight arouses Seungcheol as he fixates on your body.

His fingers run through his seed, spreading it more across your skin. His tongue darts out against your breast. You watch as he trails the wet muscle along your skin, his cum gathering on it until it’s full. Before you understand what he’s doing, he brings his mouth to yours. You open your mouth, greedily drinking what he’s giving to you. You don’t even stop to think how filthy the act is.

Even though you can tell Seungcheol is spent, he still cleans you with a damp towel before snuggling back in bed. You both fall into slumber a few minutes after.

You wake to a sudden cold breeze.

Whining in your sleep, you roll over to snuggle closer to Seungcheol; however, you’re met with empty space. You peel your eyes open reluctantly, leaning up on an elbow to see where he is.

Seungcheol sits on the edge of the bed with a sweatshirt and sweatpants over his body.

You crawl closer until he’s in arm's reach.

“Where are you going?” you murmur as you snake your arms around his wide frame.

He jolts at your abrupt touch but quickly relaxes once he realizes it’s you. He places his arms over yours, craning his neck to see you.

He pecks your lips. “I have to go walk Cho.”

“Can’t it wait?” you ask.

“He,” Seungcheol corrects, to which you roll your eyes. “And unless you want to clean his pee or poop, then no.”

He carefully pulls your arms from around him and stands, leaving you shivering as the cold air hits your bare body.

Seungcheol pauses by the bed when his eyes see your naked torso.

“You do make it hard to leave, though,” he sighs.

You smile and put a hand out for him to grab. He does, and you instantly tug him back onto the bed.

You kiss him quickly, bringing his hands to your chest, covering them so he can’t move away.

“Stay,” you say between kisses.

“Baby,” he protests while squeezing your breasts. His lips purse every time you lean in for another kiss. You grin in hopes you’re convincing him.

“I have,” a kiss, “to go,” a second kiss, “walk the dog.”

You finally stop your torrent of smooches to pout at him.

He chuckles at your expression. “You’re welcome to join.”

“I rather not get mauled,” you scoff and try to pull him closer, but he resists you this time.

“Why are you scared of them?” he wonders.

“I got attacked by one as a kid, and they never are friendly to me.”

“My poor baby,” he coos as he brushes your cheek. “Don’t worry, Cho is really sweet. Why don’t you meet him? Let him sniff you and then I’ll go walk him quickly.”

You shake your head frantically. “I don’t want it—him anywhere near me.”

“I promise you’ll be fine, but I understand. Maybe another time, okay?” he replies. 

You nod and let your arms fall when he pushes off the bed.

“I’ll just be a few minutes,” he informs while walking to the door.

“Okay,” you mutter and pull the covers over your body. He smiles at you before pushing open the door. Your body freezes when you see black fur at the entrance.

“Hey, sweet boy,” Seungcheol greets the animal happily. He stops the dog from coming inside the room, giving him a few pats and ruffles of the fur before easing him backward. “No, she’s not ready to say hi yet. Come on, let’s go out. You wanna go for a walk?”

Your body relaxes at hearing Seungcheol’s light voice. You’ve never heard it before, and you realize there’s still more to learn about the man.

The door shuts softly. The last thing you see is the dog jumping excitedly as he runs out of view. You hear Seungcheol laugh.

It dawns on you that you don’t know when he got the animal. He definitely wasn’t here the last time you were here. Does this mean you’ll have to stop coming to his apartment now? He spoke highly of the dog, and you trusted Seungcheol to keep you safe, but animals can be unpredictable. Still, you can tell how much Seungcheol likes him.

As instructed, Seungcheol comes back ten minutes later.

“So, how much did you miss me?” he teases while raking a hand through his hair. He takes off his sweatshirt, giving your eyes something to stare at as he walks toward you.

You stop him when he begins to climb into the bed. “Wait.”

“Did something happen while I was gone?” he questions, playfulness replaced with concern.

“No, I just,” you breathe in slowly, “I’d like to meet your dog.”

His eyes grow. “There’s no pressure to do so.”

“I don’t want to be run off by your dog anytime I come here,” you grumble. “Just a quick sniff; that’s all he gets.”

Seungcheol laughs and raises a hand to rub circles against your back. “I forgot to tell you that Cho isn’t mine. My brother had an emergency and needed me to look after him for a few days.”

“Oh,” you hum.

“So, you want to come back here?” he asks, recalling that part of your sentence.

“If you want me here,” you bashfully answer.

He leans down to kiss your forehead, easing your nerves.

“You can come over whenever you want,” he offers. “I would prefer it actually.”

“Why?”

You expect a sweet response, but instead, he just smirks and says, “Because I need someone to clean the place.”

You scoff, smacking at his chest and rolling your eyes.

“Kidding, kidding,” he laughs. He grabs your hand when you go to hit him again. He tugs you closer for a playful kiss, nipping at your bottom lip. “Do you still want to meet Cho?”

“Are you sure he won’t bite off my hand?” you ask.

“I’m sure,” he replies confidently.

Hesitantly, you nod. “Okay then.”

Seungcheol smiles and leaves you with a kiss on the cheek. Like before, the dog greets Seungcheol as soon as the door opens. His tail is wagging, and his mouth is open as he breathes.

“Cherry wants to say hello,” he tells the dog, slowly guiding the animal closer to the bed. Your body is rigid, and you clutch the sheets to your chest. You just hope this isn’t going to be your end.

“Sit,” Seungcheol commands. You watch as Cho does so.

“Okay, hold out your hand, palm down. Yes, just like that. Breathe, baby, it’s okay,” Seungcheol instructs you softly. You glance away but quickly look back. Maybe you can pull your hand away quickly enough before he chomps.

The dog leans his head close, nose wiggling as he sniffs your hand. The few seconds it takes feels like half an hour. Suddenly, the dog’s tongue sticks out. The act coats your hand in slobber, and you screech as you tug your hand to your chest hastily, thinking he bit you.

“It’s okay, Cherry. You’re okay,” Seungcheol soothes you, sitting on the bed. He puts the dog between his legs as he rubs your arm softly. You pull your hand back, sighing with relief when you see it still intact.

“Cho just licked you,” Seungcheol explains.

“S-sorry,” you say, eyes searching for the dog. He sits staring up at Seungcheol with his tail wagging. The pet isn’t lunging at Seungcheol or nibbling off his flesh.

“It’s okay. You did good, baby,” Seungcheol praises, giving you a kiss on the cheek as a reward. “I’m going to take him out, okay?”

You place a hand on his arm. “Has he ever bit you?”

Seungcheol glances at Cho and shakes his head. He gives the pup a loving head rub. “He’s just a big baby. He’s well-behaved. He’s even good with kids.”

“Has he ever bit your brother?”

“I don’t believe so,” he replies.

You peer down at Cho once more. You’re still scared of him, but seeing how much he likes being around Seungcheol, you feel a little bad kicking him out again; especially, since he doesn’t have anybody out there to keep him company.

“H-he can stay if he doesn’t come close to me,” you say cautiously.

“He’ll be fine out, it’s okay,” Seungcheol reassures.

“I trust what you say about him. He seems… okay.”

Seungcheol grins, slowly letting the dog go before climbing into bed. “He is.”

The dog stands, shakes out his fur, and then does something that has you clutching onto Seungcheol. Cho jumps on the bed.

“Oh god, he’s going to eat me,” you cry. Seungcheol wraps an arm around your body, pulling you close. He rubs your arm tenderly.

“No, he’s not,” he laughs. You watch as the dog walks around himself once before plopping down. Luckily, he’s on Seungcheol’s side. Cho rests his head on the bed, watching you both. His tail wags a little, but not as much as before.

“He just wanted to sleep up here. Is that okay?” Seungcheol asks you.

“You let him up here?” you question, knowing some people don’t like their pets on their beds.

Seungcheol shrugs. “The covers are dirty anyway. Might as well let him have a comfy place to nap. Speaking of, do you want to stay the night?”

“That’d be nice,” you smile at him.

You reach for the purse you brought when you first ran from Cho. You tap on your phone to see it’s nearly four in the evening. You didn’t realize how long it’s been since you arrived at eleven.

“Unfortunately, I’m not the best cook, so we may have to do takeout,” Seungcheol says shyly.

You giggle, sending a quick message to your sister that you won’t be home tonight.

“I can cook,” you offer.

Seungcheol looks at you sadly, hand coming up to rub at his neck. “Actually, I only have ramen. I haven’t gotten groceries yet.”

“Oh. I like ramen,” you reply and put your phone down once Seoah replies. Your phone keeps buzzing as she tries to get more information from you, but you simply put the device on Do Not Disturb and place it back in your bag.

“I wanted to treat you to something better than ramen,” Seungcheol says. There’s a faint frown on his lips.

“I don’t mind,” you reassure. “Now, can we sleep a little longer?”

You carefully guide Seungcheol down until his back hits the mattress. After pulling the covers over the both of you, you snuggle against his body.

“I guess I don’t have a choice,” he chuckles as he lets you lay him down. He holds you close, eyes staring at the ceiling as he rubs your back.

“Hm.” You close your eyes, letting the gentle rise and fall of his chest hypnotize you.

“Baby?” Seungcheol asks. You’re on the verge of sleep, but you hum again to let him know you heard him.

“Will you go on a date with me?”

You smile, forcing your eyes open to peer at him. “Can I still wear the dress you got me?”

“You can wear whatever you want, Cherry.”

“Can I pick out an outfit for you, too?” you ask.

“While you have great fashion sense, I’m not sure—” he stops when you begin to plead with your eyes.

“Fuck,” he curses more to himself.

“Please, Cheol?” you ask, voice soft and lips pouting.

“You know I’ll eventually become immune to this, right?” he grumbles. 

The way he words it makes it seem like you’ll be around long enough for that possibility to occur. You nuzzle closer at the thought.  

“Maybe, but right now you’re not,” you smile wickedly. “What do you say?”

“Fine, alright,” he caves.

You lean up, giving him a big kiss as a thank you. He hums against your mouth. You feel his hands go south, but you quickly stop him.

“It’s sleepy time, not sexy time,” you scold light-heartedly when you pull away.

Seungcheol sighs dramatically but yields. “Hurry and sleep then.”

“You’re not going to run away, are you?” You narrow your eyes.

“Never,” Seungcheol smiles down at you.

Your gaze lingers on his eyes, quickly scanning his face. Finally, you let your mind wander freely. You let yourself indulge in how comfortable you feel around him. You don’t have to ignore those illusions you had produced, nor do you have to convince yourself that you only see him as a friend. You can fulfill those fantasies little by little. You don’t have to hide from your emotions. You already feel lighter at letting go of those conflicting thoughts.

Although Seungcheol jokes about keeping you around to clean, you wind up doing it without being asked. You suppose he knows you won’t be able to handle the clutter.

You’re picking up his discarded jeans when something flutters to the floor when you do so. You bend down to grab it.

It’s the receipt from earlier.

While Seungcheol is in the bathroom, you finally have the chance to examine it.

You notice the fabric store name, having only been there a few times since it isn’t local. Your eyes trail down to the item's name. Although it’s a shortened version of the name, you know what it is. 

That brat.

The sound of the bathroom door opening has your eyes snapping up and hand lowering to your side.

“Why did Jeonghan lie to me?” you ask him before he can take two full steps.

Seungcheol looks at you, head tilting and eyebrows knitting.

“What did he lie about?” he questions.

“He didn’t buy that fabric for me,” you scoff and hold out the receipt. “You did.”

Seungcheol’s gaze drops to the paper in your hand. He releases a small exhale.

“It’s not a big deal,” he replies.

“You always say that,” you huff. Your eyes fall back to the receipt, glancing at the price. That makes more sense as to how Jeonghan got it.

“Because it’s true,” he says. He moves to stand in front of you. He carefully takes the receipt from your hand. “I just wanted to give you something you wanted.”

“Why? How’d you even know?”

He folds the paper as he answers, “Dae mentioned it at dinner that one time and Jeonghan told me about it.”

“You didn’t answer the first part,” you call out.

He chuckles softly. “That’s because it should be obvious. It’s because I liked you… I still do.”

“You can like me without buying me expensive things,” you reason.

“I know,” he says. His eyes fall down to the sweater that you wear—it’s his. Your legs are bare and have ankle socks on. “But I still wanted to. So, deal with it, Cherry.”

He gives you a smile before walking away and into the living room. You follow, still weary of Cho and huddling against Seungcheol if he gets too close.

“Hey, wait, you didn’t tell me why Jeonghan lied to me.”

Seungcheol takes two glasses from a cabinet and then shuffles to the fridge. “I asked him to.”

“You? He didn’t steal it or something?” Although you know Jeonghan likes to con others, he isn’t one to steal. Yet, you still want to ask since the whole situation puzzles you.

He laughs, filling the cups with ice as he replies, “No, he’s not like that. I wanted you to have it before the show, but I knew you wouldn’t take it after our fight.”

“You let me think he got it for me,” you state; your lips begin to dip down as you ponder on the thought. 

You remember feeling so thankful to Jeonghan for getting it for you. There’s a pang of guilt knowing you were thanking the wrong person. You finally understand the look on Jeonghan’s face when he gifted it to you.

Seungcheol sets the glasses on the counter, grabbing your chin gently to make you look at him. His fingers are chilly, but they feel good against your warm skin.

“I’m just glad you used it, baby,” he says kindly. He lets go of your chin with a smile.

“Cheol,” you call, a hand reaching out for his bicep. He pauses in turning back to the fridge.

Once he is staring at you, you speak, “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry it wasn’t the blue you wanted. It was out of stock, and it would’ve taken too long to ship,” he explains.

You shake your head. “It was perfect. I liked the red more.”

Seungcheol smiles, though one side is lifted as if it’s a borderline smirk.

“I did too. Red looks good on you,” he compliments. One that takes you back to that cursed poetry lounge night. It was the first time he called you Cherry, and you called him Cheol. The first time you were alone with him for longer than fifteen minutes. The first time your body reacted in ways that went beyond the line of friendship.

“So I’ve been told,” you murmur.

“Have you?” he teases. “Whoever said that must be really smart.”

“Yeah, sure—” you begin, only to jump and knock into Seungcheol when Cho unexpectedly rubs his nose against your leg. 

Seungcheol’s laugh doesn’t drown out the sound of your thudding heart in your ears, but at least it offers some (annoying) comfort. Cho is going to take some getting used to.

previous chapter \\ series masterpost // the end

A/N: Although the series is over, I would love to continue writing this couple in the future! Please look forward to some bonus scenes... Perhaps from Cheol's POV? My ask box is open for any questions or comments about this series! Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭 omg *trying not to freak out that it's over* (also wattpad says this fic's read time is 6 hours and 11 minutes LOLOLOLOL... nice 😅 but if you're a slow reader like me, that time is prob way more haha. this being said, ty for ur time while reading!)

For my “shy/silent” readers, I’ve created a feedback form where you can share your thoughts on my fics in a more anonymous and private way. ^-^

taglist: @iammisstora, @christinewithluv, @lithelust, @musingsofananxiouspotato, @yoozuku, @lockburn-castle, @mystikhal-blog, @oncloudvii23 (cant tag :c), @cheolcherries, @mingyublues, @maknae00, @morklee02, @kittyhui, @comounlunar(cant tag :c), @minhui896, @doom-fics

©️hongcherry // DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY Please consider reblogging if you liked this work to show your support. Feedback/commentary is always welcomed.

[royal-ruin]

red, white, and royal blue fanfic rec (part 3)

other rwrb fic recs here personal favorites are starred, by the way. everything is complete unless stated otherwise.

the too much that you aren't by DemonPoxHerondale (~2k)

Henry has always been an introvert. High energy situations can get overwhelming, and as much as he loves his boyfriend, it's impossible to deny that he's high energy. Back when they were sneaking around to see each other, the short bursts of interaction meant that they never really clashed. But now that they're living together, well, it's another story.

as an introvert, i get it

champagne problems by alec_rhee (~3k)

Henry’s eyes are otherwise occupied as he closes them, planting a kiss to Alex’s head, but Alex sees Benjamin’s eyes move to Henry’s lap. Where they stay for at least five seconds.  Alex knows; he’s counted. “Look, Benjamin,” Alex begins. “I know we just met but if you look at my man like that one more time I will not hesitate to punch you in your fucking face.” “Alex!” Henry yelps, withdrawing his lips from Alex’s curls. “What on God’s earth are you doing?” “Look,” He says again, his attention still focused on Benjamin. “He’s damn gorgeous. I don’t blame you for looking. I truly don’t, but he’s taken. Happily.” OR Jealous!Alex

jealous/protective alex made my entire day

don't go where i can't follow by coffeecatsme (~4k

Henry turns away, hair silvery under the moonlight. He doesn’t even bother to look at Alex, and something like anger flashes in Alex’s gut when he sees him reach for his backpack, like it’s that easy to abandon Alex, like Alex didn’t bare his heart to him just a day ago. “You could’ve fucking said goodbye,” he whispers before he can think about it; his voice is quiet through the knot in his throat, yet it echoes in the room like a gunshot, stopping Henry in his tracks. Alex wakes up at the lakehouse before Henry leaves.

angsty, but i swear it gets better

in violent symphonies by saltfics (~16k) part 2 of a series (doesn't need to be read)

“So that’ll be a fun surprise. Any chance your brother’s friends are actually… you know… any fun?” Henry halts to a stop halfway out the door, his mind screeching like a shaken record. He can feel the pull of his memory towards things he doesn’t want to think of, feels the heavy weight of it as he forces himself to focus on something else, fast so he won't acknowledge towards which twice locked door his thoughts are wandering.  Sequel to In White (but could potentially be read without it).  When Henry and Alex return to England for the christening of the new baby prince, Henry finds out his nephew's new godfather might be a terribly familiar face.  Sometimes it doesn't matter how deep you lock away a memory if it insists on showing up at your door. (But maybe you can ask for help to keep it out.)

i love henry angst :)

those markings on your skin by saltfics (~62k) incomplete

Originally a collection of one-shots based on Tumblr Prompts, but now a series of interconnected prompt-based chapters regarding a series of assassination attempts towards HRH Prince Henry, and the effect on their relationships with each other that comes with it, featuring most of the main cast. (Plus a few standalones in between).

fair warning, i haven't read it all, so i don't know everything it contains. please beware of the tags.

Home Safe by HMS_Chill (~2k)

Alex is out later than normal, and Henry is left home to worry.

as you can see, after i read God Save the Blessed American President Mom by zipadeea i got just a little obsessed. no mcd here though.

*lifelines by indomitablelove (~27k

Shaan is told by a woman from the press office. Zahra is asleep when he calls her. She calls Ellen. Liam is in the library. Oscar finds out from Twitter. Catherine hears it from her equerry when she gets the morning papers. It's Leo who tells June. --- or, the emails. From everyone else's point of view.

Lockdown by bibliosoph (~4k)

Alex and Henry have a fight before Henry leaves to go to England for a bit. While in England, there is an attempted assassination and Alex loses his mind because he can't get in touch with anyone and he left things with Henry up in the air.

don't worry, there's no mcd, just alex angst.

*Soon You'll Get Better (Because You Have To) by wafflesandkruge  (~4k)

Two nights after the shooting, Henry receives an email with a pre-recorded video from Alex. He gets one every night, and although it breaks his heart to see Alex happy and alive, he's terrified of when they'll stop coming.

i wasn't lying when i said i was obsessed. no mcd.

[mikeysbabygirl]

DEAD GIRLS TELL NO TALES

Masterlist-

Previous chapter-

Next chapter-

Pairing: Bonten! Rindou Haitani x reader. Bonten! Ran Haitani x reader.

Synopsis : " 'cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead"

" heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. "

What if their first love came back ? What if everything they thought they knew about that night was a lie ?

WARNING : 18+, minors DNI. This fic will contain explicit smut. This chapter contains description of violence, torture ( slightly ), dirty talk, curses, angst with comfort.

Tag-list : @rans-baby @trashmemebitch @inuiskitten @fantasyismyreality @bontensbabygirl @mydream-synopsis @crown5 @redhood278 @glxar @owensuitcase @qualitygiantshoepsychic @Bontenswh0re @akemiixx01 @mutandis-extremis993 @blueanthology @notacandy @moodyhuesworld2 @agos997 @slylittlebutterfly

Please let me know if you wanna be added in the tag-list.

What is written in bold and italics are flashbacks.

CHAPTER 06:

Why are paper cuts so painful ?

They're small, tiny details which could be a great bother. And perhaps you never realize how paper-thin your plans are until you get those paper cuts.

You were always so focused on details, how could you have missed that one ? Maybe you were too focused on the words you'd be saying to Alaya that you didn't paid attention to the shadows hiding in the dark.

-" I knew at some point you'd end up here " she stated, back still facing you while pouring herself a glass of wine, you frowned.

-" Yet I don't see any police car. "

-" Huh, why would I do that ?" She turned, a glimpse of surprise could've been spotted in her eyes. She remembered your face, sure she would, it has been on the news for weeks, four years ago. " We might not be in the same team, but we got the same enemies. "

-" right, the soon to come elections" you chuckled, the journalist tilted her head to the side.

-" I believe we both don't want the governor to serve a second term. "

She barely had time to stretch her hands before the USB key you threw reached her, she eyed it curiously.

-" It's all there. From the highest ranks to the lowest dirty cops." Her pupils expanded. " Understand that if you do this, they'll put a target on your head. "

Oh she knew that, and though fear was a constant shadow over her head someone had to do something.

-" I know that very well-"

-" And understand that " you paused. " They won't lay a hand on you as long as I'm breathing. Not another woman will be hurt in my lifetime. "

She smiled, she knew was not staring at a woman, but a kingdom.

-" Right, the hunter only comes for men " you snorted at her joke, already making your way to the front door.

-" They portray me as a misandrist, I'm not. " holding the doorknob, you turned slightly to look at her. " I may be a vigilante, a rebel, a criminal, but not a misandrist. "

-" just happened that from everyone who wanted to ruin me, there was not any single woman. "

Few words exchanged between the two of you were enough, you needed no befriending when you shared the same hatred.

That's when things started to get weird, back in the parking lot.

It was quiet, almost too quiet. And maybe that day the silence was too loud, screaming for you to notice the silencer, the bullet piercing the air.

•••

One breath at the time.

He will remain calm, he needed to keep his head in the game, no matter how hard it seemed.

-" He doesn't answer his phone since hours. " Ran stated through the phone, his other hand gripping the steering wheel tightly. " I'm gonna kill him Rin, I'm gonna so fucking kill him. "

He heard his brother cursing at the other end of the line, Rindou who was standing tall in front of a tied up Conor eyed the pretty beaten up government agent before answering.

- " Go to that damn reporter's house, this bastard says she might be the last person to see her".

-" God Fuck- if I'm late and she already left... "

No more words were needed, hearing his younger brother sighing through the phone, Ran hung up and threw his phone on the passenger's seat.

No matter how hard he tried reaching the mole that Mikey had successfully placed amongst Hiroto Mori's organization, the latter was no where to be found. In other words, their only chance of knowing what might be La compagnie's next move against you was gone.

The cages seemed to shrunk, hopes getting lost in the turmoil of the mess around. There's gotta be another way out, you three always ended up finding a way, right ?

He pressed the pedal harder, ever increasing the speed to get to Alaya's house. God keep her there.

The landscape through the window getting blurrier, trees molding with each other into a huge fog, where only fragmented memories shone through.

And you were there to sketch a picture of yourself all in his head, and then colour the linings of the dull reality as easily as you filled his thoughts.

A thousand years ago.

A thousand tears ago.

How strong they thought they were back then, teenagers wearing their fists like the heaviest machine guns. He remembered how they took down all that gang by their own, with his faithful Rindou standing in the chaos of the afterwards. Of the after-war.

-" You'll need more men to take over Roppongi" his brother scoffed, laying down a kick on one of the guy's stomach.

-" C'mon Rin', I'm starting to get hungry. " How pretentious has he been, swirling his baton around one of his braids.

His brother's attention was stolen from him, the second a broken chuckle left one of the injured men's mouth.

-" Now now what's so funny ? Mind to share ?" Ran stretched a smile, peering down at the latter.

- " bold of you to assume we'd send all our-" he paused to spit blood, Rindou's nose wrinkled from disgust. " We'd send all our men in a platter to you. "

-" Without a B plan. " Another voice echoed as one of the guys hardly stood up, Ran tilted his head to the side, stretching his arms above his head as Rindou's eyes bored into them.

-" You pussies really wanna die " he chuckled, standing in position.

-" Oh no, I'm way too spent up to be the plan B " the one who just stood up leaned against the alleyway wall.

Ran's smile was soon to fall. And Rindou's heart.

Because at the end of the alleyway, three new shapes were making their way toward them.

And as the sunshine got dimmer, the walls around began caving in, just like the tears on your face.

If not both the men's arms holding yours from each side, the ground would be scratching your knees, under the skirt of your school uniform. Through your teary eyes could be seen a gut devouring terror, one they would've preferred to never see on your face.

Their face.

-" Gentleman, the plan B. "

Your eyes widened, as one of the men holding you pressed the cold metal of the knife under your throat, a broken sob falling from your lips like glass cutting through their skins.

Lavender twin eyes found each other, no smile no words could be heard only the beasts roaring louder than ever.

Ran stared blankly at both the men, straightening his body. The words falling from his lips with his eyes on them were bloodcurdlingly low.

-" You're dead. "

•••

But paper cuts hurt.

And missing the sound of that bullet was like a hundred cuts through your skin.

You couldn't make up anything before your body was propelled in the air, hitting the ground only seconds later and waiting for the pain to spread.

It didn't spread.

It didn't spread.

And your eyes widened, feeling the heavy weight on you.

And he shifted slightly from on top of you.

Lavender.

And he found you. Not in soulless pictures, nor in restless dreams.

Ran found you in erratic heart beats, in wide-eyed gazes, and in stunned whispers of your name that shook your core.

-" Ran... "

Your voice, it was here, you were there. And after many lifetimes where he'd look for you in every empty face, in crowded streets and every whiskey bottle, his heart found yours.

It felt ethereal... As a grasp of water, temporary, fear of that moment slipping between his fingers likewise. As ephemeral as a dream, desperately blinking away reality's heart crushing attempts, he could not believe his eyes.

Your name flew out of his mouth as a prayer, a curse or a bullet, and when your eyes widened and your hands grabbed his arms, Ran Haitani finally put down all the burden and collapsed against you, head buried in your neck.

-" Fuck, you're here, you're... " Your hands wrapped around him, holding him so tightly that you couldn't tell where you began and where he ended. As your scent invaded his nostrils, he smelled love, touched a feeling, and suddenly all the time that flight by faded in an embrace.

-" Ran, Ran you're bleeding !" You urged him, trying to hide both of you deeper in the alleyway.

Yes, he felt the numbness in his arm, along with the hot liquid pouring out of it. He felt it. Yet he couldn't care less, because for the first time his own heart was not a dead weight to carry, truth is, his chest never felt so light.

-" give me a minute " he whispered against your skin, as you went to object his arms tightened around you. " ... Jus' a minute to make sure... You're real "

And how could you say anything with your heart in your throat ? Choking you filling your eyes with salty bullets ? Your hands ran through his ever so smooth hair, and just like that, it didn't mattered anymore.

Whether you died next or not, whether your soul left your body because your whole world was in your arms currently, and his meer crumbs were enough after years of craving him.

Pulling away felt as ripping his own skin off of himself, because out of your embrace he felt incomplete, as if he was art drawn by your own love, but soon your face smiled at him and he found solace.

-" I missed you, so, so much. God, words can never... " A broken sob threatened to escape your lips, your hand flew to your mouth to keep you quiet, the last thing both of you needed was to be spotted by the one who aimed the bullet at you.

-" hey angel, don't cry on me now, yeah ? I'll- shit" hearing sound of footsteps coming, Ran tried moving his arm but soon felt how numb and heavy it was. Panic started stirring his guts, he had to operate with one arm.

-" Don't move " you commanded, right before tearing a piece of your shirt. He hissed and you shushed him, straddling him to wrap the tourniquet around his bleeding arm. " I can fight, I can do it for both of us-"

-" won't you just show up already ?" The unknown voice reaching both your ears shout, you two froze hearing how close the voice was to the alley, too close...

-" We want no war with Bonten, c'mon just give us the girl already !"

You gulped down, eyeing Ran's gaze which never has been so dark. The voice was different, there were many footsteps, too much...

-" Holy shit... " Ran cursed under his breath, pulling you closer against him in an attempt to hide both of you. You closed your eyes slightly, It was unfair, you suffered their absence for so many years just in order to keep them away from your shit, all for what ?

Yes you two had guns, but you were two, they were very much, and Ran was injured... Walls crumbled down brick by brick, a falling hope, a sinking ship. You both knew, and the words no one dared to speak poisoned the air in between.

-" Listen " he cupped your cheeks in his warm hands, lifting his injured arm as best as he could. " They're... They're going to take you. "

No, those were not words, but swords. Sinking in his guts and slicing his throat, jaw clenched, you've never witnessed such a scary look on his face.

-" I know, Ran. I knew what I was getting myself into from-"

-" Silence. "

You froze, no matter how hard you've grown to be, Ran's authoritative voice would always cut you sharper than any knife.

-" They'll take you away from me. But God fucking knows I'd give my whole life. I'd rock heaven and earth to find ya, 'kay ?"

As your heart sunk in your chest, your throat tightened, your eyes burned with tears you fought to not shed.

-" Please, stay away from this. " Your voice broke, you couldn't contain your sobs anymore. " Stay away from me, please don't... "

-" Shhh, y'know I'll do it whatever. If death couldn't do us apart, nothing alive will. "

In his eyes, you read the unspoken words and unshed tears of four years, and yes you knew, there was nothing you could ever say to keep them from following you.

Both you attentions were stolen from each other to the small sound that echoed through the alleyway, and before you could make up anything, you found yourself pressing Ran's body against the floor, hiding his face in your chest as the gas bomb began spreading smoke around you.

-" Shit, shit shit ! " You cursed, Ran's arms tightened around you the best he could, he probably should be closing his eyes but how to ? When he knew the second he would close them, you would disappear.

Again.

The fog around drawed patterns of old scars, how sadistic was fate,how heart breaking was it to lose each other right after being reunited.

And for once, as he was holding you in the middle of the chaos, Ran allowed his eyes to cry, he allowed his heart to bleed again, past's ghosts nipping at their old favorite dish, his skin.

Except this time, he would watch the life snatch you away from his arms, rip you away from his heart. Rip the life out of his breathing lungs.

-" We'll come back for ya... "

-" Ran, don't- don't speak!" You coughed, feeling your head becoming dizzier. But he ignored you, burying his head in your neck.

-" I'll bring you back home. I promise... "

Could the sky fall or the fires burn, nothing would stop him from uttering the words engraved in his tongue since four years. Not again.

-" 'cause I... " and though he coughed, he believed nothing would burn his lungs more than the unspoken feelings. "Won't lose the love 'f my life to death. Not again".

And as his words rocked you to faint, your grasping reflex never released his shoulders. His image started getting blurry, yours too, and as much as he tried to keep them open, gas around you was too heavy to even distinguish anything.

So you both let go of your fears, closed your eyes, and surrendered.

Because when even the reaper's scythe couldn't keep your hearts away, you'll always find your way back home.

And I lost you. I lost you with my arms around you.

•••

-" Where the fuck is she ?"

Crestfallen was an euphemism to describe how Ran got back to the Bonten headquarters under all his co-workers eyes, no he did not only came back with empty hands, but holding his bleeding heart in them.

He woke up a dead man, in that empty alleyway. He couldn't tell how much time has passed after they left with you, but he could count the roars of devils inside his mind. And so he stood up, uncaring about the dizziness of his head, of his bleeding arm, or his broken heart. Drove to the headquarters and there he was.

He stared blankly at Rindou's eyes, who was clearly upset from his expression and how disheveled he was.

-" How did you know I found her ?" He wearily asked, throwing himself on the couch as Kakucho sighed and started checking the state of his arm. " I removed the bullet when I woke up".

-" When you woke up ?" His younger brother inquired, he chose to ignore him and focus on Kakucho's words.

-" The mole finally called. " Kakucho's words fell on his shoulders as a thousand tons, Ran straightened in his seat, suddenly eyes wide. " He couldn't speak a lot, said everyone's on the lookout there, but he gave the address of a medical practice. "

-" The damn doctor " he hissed while Kakucho took of the tourniquet. " They might've took her-"

-" They what ?" Rindou's voice never been sharper. And for the first time, Ran couldn't even look into his brother's eyes, shame was a too heavy burden for his heart.

He was supposed to protect you both, he was the elder, he failed you, and failed Rindou...

-" What do you mean, they took her ?"

Making a step toward him, Kakucho tried stopping the younger brother but was quickly shoved away, as the latter grabbed his elder by the collar and made him stand up, facing him directly.

-" Speak. What do you mean they fucking took her ?"

He still could find nothing to say, and he knew Rindou was losing it from how tight he was clenching his jaw, anything he'll give him he would take it, fist, spit, curse, he deserved it.

-" Enough. "

As much as the temperature increased between the two brothers, Mikey's voice was enough to drop it. Rindou didn't flinched, still holding his brother by the collar until Sanzu and Kakucho separated them.

-" Mikey said enough " Sanzu pushed Rindou away from Ran, which got him a pretty glare from the youngest.

-" What if we tried figuring out something instead of acting like animals ?" Takeomi offered, Ran peered at him curiously, then at Mikey who just had a blank stare.

-" so you mean... "

-" Mikey will help us find her. "

The elder stared curiously at his brother, then at his boss who seemed galaxies away from them despite everything.

-" shit, you're not messing with me ? What's in it for you ?"

Sanzu cleared his throat, signaling him to watch his mouth but Ran couldn't care less, as Mikey shrugged.

-" Don't be stupid, Haitani. This the reason why you two joined Bonten in the first place, right ?"

That was true, but he never thought he would actually help them directly.

Ran's lavender hues found his brother's one when the latter kneeled next to him with an alcohol bottle, in order to disinfect his wound. Though he would never utter it, it could be read in Rindou's face that after the anger dropped down, he regretted the attitude he gave him.

- " Kakucho and Sanzu will come with us. But first, we need to talk to the Blondie" his brother explained, as he started cleaning the wound.

-" D'ya managed to get anything from him ?"

-" crumbs. Government shits are trained to resist investigations. " And as much as jealousy tightened his throat, Rindou swallowed it and added. " But he cares about her. I'm sure he'll talk if we tell him they got her. "

Ran clenched his jaw, as much as he didn't liked it, Conor was a necessary step to get to you, though he couldn't bring himself to trust a guy who kept you hidden away from them for years.

-" I'm fine" he moved Rin's hand away when that one began wrapping a bandaid around his arm. Standing up, he nodded toward his boss after Rindou stood up too. " Let's not waste more time. "

•••

-" You better not pass out on me yet, we still got so much fun to have !"

Amidst the aching of your body from your restrained limbs, and the stabbing pain his scalpel left here and there on your skin, his darkly cheerful voice reached your ears.

-" You, pretty, gave us a pretty hard time. We lost a lot of money because of you, daddy's gonna be so mad at his little girl... "

A giddy sensation took over you as soon as his blood stained glove reached for yet another instrument, a huge, rusty pair of pliers. A whimper left your dry lips, clenching your fist because you could do no more with how your hands and feet were tied to that operating table.

-" Cause oh yes ! Did I mention he'll be here soon ? " His sadistic smile only accentuated your hatred, while his hand seized your fist to open it by force. " Until then... "

-" Wait- No ! No, stop, stop !"

But he looked already so far gone, slipping those pliers between your cuticules. The next thing you know, your finger tingles, even the blood dripping out of where your nail used to be hurts, your visions gets blurry, his proud smile is blurred by your own tears. Screams of pain escape your lips along with shallow breaths, and you're none but an aching, crying, sweating mess of blood.

-" Your cries are music to my ear, darling. But I'm sure I can get more out of you. Like what in hell was a Bonten member doing with you ?"

-" Go-" a broken sob cut through your words, the pain lacerating on almost every inch of your skin making it hard to stay awake. " Go to hell..."

-" What a brave girl we have here !" Caged-animal grunts escaped your lips, his devilish grin was nothing but bad news. " You make me crave your begging, sweetheart. Why won't you beg for me ? "

Threatening, he went for your second nail. Your toes curled, heart beating so slowly you thought you would faint anytime, you pressed your lips together as tight as possible to muffle your cries.

-" I'm sure they left you for dead, who helped you? You couldn't have done this by yourself... " For nothing came out of your mouth, he pressed the pliers harder in between your cuticules, making you whimper and bite your lip. " So you're not speaking, eh ?"

- " Do your tricks, if you must... I'm- I'm not speaking a word. "

He seemed not the less bothered by your statement, and as he ripped the second nail, you felt as if your soul has been ripped off of you, scream probably reaching miles and miles away from the medical practice you two were in. Tears overflowed from your eyes, which you closed, shaking your head from left to right.

-" Fuck you... I'll kill you, I'll fucking k-" nausea made it hard for you to even speak, whilst he ignored your threats and moved at the end of the table.

-" God have mercy on me, pain looks so good on you " the disgusting old doctor grunt, white coat splattered with blood as his gloved hand rested on your bare thigh. You shivered to the spine, through the mind striking pain, he started sliding the plier up your thigh, smoldered pupils focused under the hospital gown you woke up in.

And then, when he looked up at your eyes, he knew he got the best of you, he knew he succeeded into slipping under your skin, into the darkest roads of your numb mind where your old demons were still hardly breathing.

Though your nails hurt, you dug them as deep as you could in your palms, closing your eyes and praying. Praying because you had no other hope.

-" Kill me. " The words sliced your throat. " You won't get anything from me. Just kill me. "

-" I'd be screwed to disobey your dad. Boss said he had a special bullet for your pretty skull " Tilting his head with a faux sympathy tone, he gripped your thigh to part them open, sliding his pliers upper. " But I really, really want to hear the cute sounds you can make, begging for me. "

You did expect no more.

So was this the end ? Endless nightmare like a broken record would be repeating ?

Except this time, you would not let it happen.

Opening your eyes again, soulless. Numb. You abruptly lifted your head, again, and again making your neckless bounce until it reached your mouth. And as you went for biting the pendant...

Hours ago...

-" Huh... So you brought... You brought big brother to make me talk ?" Conor smiled, head still hanging low while both the Haitani entered the room where he was tied to the chair.

Only greeted by silence, he lifted his head and his gaze fell on stone cold faces, a stoic Rindou Haitani and his unmoved brother putting on his brass knuckles. He looked in pain, arm bandaged but wore a determined face. The blond gulped down, cursing under his breath.

-" So you didn't found her... "

The elder ignored him, directly making his way to him and kneeling down in front of the bleeding man.

-" Enough. "

Conor's inner cheek skin met his teeth in a frightening scream, Ran's fist putting him through unbearable pain as blood began dripping from his lips and little cuts adorned his skin.

-" Normally, I would've took my time roasting you american fucker's skin. "

Another punch, Conor spat blood, grunting from pain and throwing a death glare toward his assaulter.

-" But I'm afraid we're running out of time. " He grabbed his collar, lifting him, and the chair he was tied to, to meet his gaze. " so you're gonna tell me everything you know 'bout that doctor fucking Endo. And I might just put an end to your suffering, and life. "

Through his hatred stuffed green hues, Ran watched doubt widening them the next seconds.

-" Wait... Wait shit, he got her ?"

Rindou clenched his jaw, meeting his brother's gaze. Both stayed silent, eyeing the man who understood the lack of words.

-" Fuck... " His chest tightened as if going up in altitude, panic could be clearly seen in his eyes. " You gotta find her, quick, please... I- I can help, I ca-"

-" Who the hell do you think you are ?" Rindou, making a step toward them inquired, while Ran was focused on the blond's reaction.

Something was off, he knew.

-" think you want her back more than we do ?"

-" Stop ! That's not what I freaking meant !" For the first time, he lost his composure. "We got some... Last resort plan, for cases like this... "

Silence, the brother's eyes met in an agonizingly long second, their faces growing scarier and closer to the government agent.

-" What do you mean. Last resort ?" Ran uttered every word in a bloodcurdling low voice, Conor closed his eyes.

-" We were... Pretty aware we could get caught, by La Compagnie guys. We both have a necklace... "

-" Speak. " In a split second, Rindou pressed his gun to the tied man's head.

-" All she has to do is bite the pendant, there's cyanide powder... A suicid pill. "

.

.

.

.

Hound-like grunting fury, beast roaring car's engine, that highway probably never knew such a speed. They drove with the weight of the world on their shoulders, not fast enough, never enough.

-" Go ahead, we'll take care of it " Kakucho's voice reached Rindou, who nodded and started running along the medical practice, while Sanzu and Kakucho distracted the security guards and began taking them down one by one.

And with each step he made, opening every damn door there ,a star died in his sky, his heartbeats were a countdown, erratic when he kicked one more door, expecting another empty room.

It was not.

There stood the filthy old man, and Rindou's grip tightened around his gun.

-" The fuck ! Security-"

But his bullet was faster, piercing the atmosphere fiercely to settle in the doctor's chest who fell down directly.

His lungs seemed filled with salty water, each foot of him weighted a ton within the seconds he made his way toward you on the table. Necklace in your mouth. Feeling those tons under his feets trying to bring him down on his knees, suffocating on the salty water.

Then you dropped the pendant, closed, and intact. And he could finally breath again.

-" Thanks fucking god " he threw his head back, breathing heavily. Your eyes widened, heart beating faster at the sight of him.

-" R... Rindou ? "

Yes, life has effortlessly been breathed in him upon hearing your voice, bringing him back to reality. To a reality where you were there, alive, breathing. not yet another dream, you were real.

-" Lemme help you with this " he managed to free your hands, ignoring the unpleasant rage shaking his guts when he saw the blood on your nails, then moved to your right foot as you untied the left.

-" Oh god, Rin. You're here, you're doing fine ... Is Ran okay ? " He helped you to your feet, making sure you could stand up then nodded, making you sigh in relief.

-" Let's go, we gotta be quick " you nodded, tugging at your hospital gown and quickly grabbing the doctor's gun on the table, but frowned when he stopped you. His hand reached for your necklace and ripped it, throwing it somewhere in the room. "I'm not losing you again. Never again. "

God, it was really not the time for blushing. Rindou took your hand in his and you both began running down the corridor. His hand in yours felt warm, and although the years, familiar. No matter how skilled and trained you grew up to be, only his touch could make you feel so safe.

Deep in thoughts while running, you had barely the time to pull him inside a random room before the bullets started flying from the end of the corridor, closing the door behind you two.

-" Shit... It's Hiroto's men... " You explained, locking the door of the closet you two stepped in, remembering the doctor's words. You turned toward him and found his lilac gaze only inches away from yours, drinking in your face and getting high on memories.

Not now, he had to remind himself, nothing to do, no way to scar when your eyes were still broken glass embedded in his skin.

-" Rin... "

But there's no room in war for feelings, and you two could've testified it when the first kick on the door echoed, making you both startle.

-" back off, I'm in charge now. " He shoved you behind him, reaching for his gun.

-" Rin, I'm begging you to leave- I... I can handle myself, you could get injured like Ran, they're not gonna let me go now that they found-"

-" They'll have to get through me before they get to you. " he wearily loaded his gun with bullets and determination, you grunt desperately tugging at his sleeve.

-" for god's sake Rin please !"

When those amethyst eyes landed on you, you knew trying to convince him was a lost battle, since he was hell bent on fighting by your side.

He quickly gripped your face, squeezing your cheeks with his ever-bored expression, cold voice reached your ears.

-" Shhh, love ? It's my life over yours, dontcha get that ? " His eyes quickly drifted toward your lips, before getting back to your eyes. " Now be my pretty good girl and back off. "

-" No. "

Freezing, he turned toward you as another kick nearly threw the door open.

- " What do you mean, no ?"

You gulped down. no need to fear him, you were not a teenager anymore.

Back then, with your school uniform on and a knife pressed to your throat, your tears stained your cheeks as you called for the boys.

-" I'm- I'm sorry " your sobs knife-like, cutting through their flesh. " If I had been more careful, you... You two wouldn't be in trouble... "

Strange right ? Until making both of them clench their jaws, you were the one with the reaper's scythe pressed to your flesh because of them, and you were apologizing. For putting them in trouble.

How could they possibly not willingly give their lives for you ?

-" That's really, really not smart from you. " Ran began, making a step toward both the guys, until one of them pressed you to him and yelled at Ran to stop.

-" One move, and your bitch dies " he threatened, Rindou's eyes studied the distance between you five, how much time it would take if he raced, if he threw himself on them, would they have enough time to hurt you ? Anxiety ate his brain alive, the enemy's caged seemingly closing in around him.

- " Now we can talk about who can take over Roppongi. "

-" Rin, if we go down, we go down together, remember ?" You uttered, tightening your hands around the gun you stole from doctor Endo. He stared at your blood stained face, stared at the past right in the eyes.

Teenage himself watched it in slow motion, as your hand insidiously slipped in your school bag hanging from your shoulder. Everything was too slow until both the guys holding you got their eyes spread with perfume, screaming and dropping down the knife. It was their chance, he realized, launching himself toward you.

-" You bitch-" your assaulter hissed toward you once the brothers took care of them. Ran's foot hit his rib, while the other brother approached him, pulling his head up by his hair.

-" Yes she is. The bitch two brothers would burn down this town for. "

There, that's when you brought him from the prison of his own pride, he realized he never was meant to fight on his own, neither were you, or Ran. And when the door finally gave in under the enemy's kicks, they knew you three came in a package deal.

Too starstruck to even realize, the bullets flew through both the men's bodies, making of them your own horror canevas.

-" Quick !" He yelled, pulling you from your wrist, running down those stairs and corridors again. Back to the reception, you avoided the dead bodies on the ground, blood splattered everywhere and Rindou seemed to look for something but just pulled you outside the practice when he found no body. Stepping finally outside, as the adrenaline started coming down, your wounds and all the blood you lost along with the tiredness came back with force, almost dropping you on your knees if not for Rindou's arm to grab your waist.

-" Wow, stay with me, 'kay ? We're almost there " he held you close to him, you nodded and tried chasing the dizziness of your head away, blinking quickly before he cupped your face, analyzing your unfocused eyes.

-" Hey, live f'me until we're done with this shit, and I swear I'm putting a damn ring on your finger, yeah ?"

His voice reached your ears in broken words, muffled by the roaring sound of an engine coming from behind.

-" And I swear I'll always step in between " was it Ran's voice ? You really could not tell, hours of grueling torture finally getting to you. " C'mon Rinnie, ya really think it's time for the mushy shit ? "

Rindou grunt, opening the door and bringing you with him, on his lap in the passenger seat.

-" You took your fucking time. Where's Kakucho and the druggy ?"

-" Taking care of the bodies. Close the door, we don't want more La compagnie men glued to our ass."

He made a point, making his brother quickly close the car's door. Lavender hair fainted in a blur, words making their way to you in slow, too far voices, your eyelids weighted a ton and soon your grip on Rindou's shirt was the only thing holding you to reality, while you dived deep into unconsciousness.

Ran's lazy smile made his way back to his face, eyes dropping into your sleeping form in his brother's arms.

There is it, home. Where the heart is in peace, not anymore in a million piece.

You whimpered in your sleep, moving slightly in Rindou's arms before his hand reached your cheek.

-" Feel this? This my hand on ya, you're never going anywhere again."

Ran winced, stretching his painful arm to rest on your thigh, feeling the warmth of your skin and grinning lazily.

-" Welcome home, angel. "

Network : @tokyo-ballroom @downtown-roponggi

Reblogs and comments are appreciated!thanks for reading <3

[my-soupy-brain]

Just wanted to let you know, I enjoy all your fics! Constantly reading them all. ❤️ If you feel up for it could you write one with Jason/reader. Could be anything that comes to mind. Smut, soft, angst. I just can't get enough!!

You are WONDERFUL - thank you for the kind words and all you're lovely support. I'd love to write some more Jason so let's just see where this goes. I'm literally going into this with NO direction. This'll be fun. Let's gooo!

---

Relationship: Jason Sudeikis x reader

Warnings: I have no clue, writing blind. Probably smut and angst.

---

You weren't sure what dating Jason would be like. You were crazy about each other, that much was true.

But being in the spotlight, trailed by paparazzi, dealing with the flash of cameras at events -- it was a lot.

And there was self-doubt. Because of course, there was.

His ex-girlfriends were models, actresses. He worked with some of the most beautiful women in the world on sets.

And you were...well, you.

He wasn't untrue. You trusted him. You just didn't trust you could sustain his interest. And that was on you. Which made it worse.

At an event afterparty -- Jason's hand around your waist -- you can't help looking around the room at the beautiful, leggy cocktail waitresses and models who had been invited.

Your arm around his waist tightened as you smiled up at him.

Maybe if I grip him harder he won't float away, you always thought, as if you were still living in a dream.

The two of you met by happenstance, at an event like this. You got to talking, hit it off, and the rest is history.

You smiled and nodded, joining the conversation. Laughed at his jokes, because they always make you laugh. You always threw your head back and laughed with your whole body -- it wasn't a dainty cute laugh, but he loved it.

"I'll be right back, you want another drink?" he asks you, holding up his empty glass. You nod. "Yeah, that'd be great. Vodka tonic, thanks, babe."

When he moves to the bar, your eyes follow the women in the room who are watching him. His handsome waistcoat and dress slacks make you purr...

RED. YOU SEE RED.

A tall, thin, honey-skinned blonde puts her dainty little hand on his shoulder and introduces herself, batting her big eyelash extensions at him.

You're trying to pay attention to his friends who are still chatting away, but your stomach is in your throat.

Take a breath, take a breath, take a breath...

"Will you excuse me for a second?" you ask his friends, who nod and smile.

"Hi, babe, need help with those drinks?" you ask, sidling up to his side. He smiles down at you and kisses your lips quickly.

"Yeah, here ya go. Just as ordered for my lady," he jokes. "Y/N this is Alex. Alex this is Y/N."

She gives you a half-hearted smile and returns her full attention to Jason. You're zoning out, trying to think of a way out of this woman's tractor beam.

"So are you two serious?" she asks, waking you out of your daze. Jason laughs and puts his arm around you.

"I mean, I'd say so, right, babe?" he asks you, looking into your eyes. You nod enthusiastically, painting on a big smile.

"Absolutely! You're my guy! My person, I can't let you go," you answer, leaning into his lips to kiss him.

Suck on that, Alex.

Alex gives up her attempted robbery of your boyfriend, and as the night winds down, Jason is still chatting with a few people, taking selfies with the wait staff.

"I need to use the ladies room, I'll be right back," you say, walking into the bathroom to wash your hands and fix your hair.

Of course she's here. Of course.

"Hi, again," you offer Alex, who's reapplying a glop of lipgloss to her puffy lips. She barely even looks at you. She gives you a sarcastic smirk.

"I'm kinda shocked to meet you," Alex says with a patronizing tone. "I didn't think you were Jason's type."

You smile, reapplying your own lipstick.

"I met him a couple years ago through mutual friends. He, ah, goes for much prettier women usually..." Alex says, smacking her lips together.

"Is that so?"

She nods. "I mean, look at you and then look at me. If you were a guy, who would you choose?" She grins with her mouth tightly closed. "He'll realize it eventually."

It happened in an instant. You don't even remember.

First, you stepped closer to her, politely asking her to leave you alone.

And next, she's scratching your neck and pushing you out the door of the bathroom and into the hallway.

"Get the fuck off me!" you shout, Alex's slender frame straddling your legs as she tries to pull your hair.

This is where your not-model frame has an advantage. As you get up move her off you, she grabs the strap of your dress, ripping it off, your red lace bra hanging out one side.

A crowd is gathering, some tipsy patrons cheering on the girl-on-girl fight.

When you flip over to pin her down, you're gritting your teeth.

"Listen, crazy train. He's not interested, stay away from us!" you shout.

"He'll be mine soon enough!" she's screaming, and now Jason is there.

"Babe! Oh my God," he says, putting his drink down to pull you up, but before he can, Alex takes you back down holding your ankles, rolling around with you, slapping, pulling your hair.

"Get the fuck off me!" you shout, pushing her away before finally, the right people get involved to pull her off you.

Your breath is heaving, your chest scratched, your face red from a slap she managed to sneak in, your bra hanging out of one side of your dress. And you're missing a shoe.

This is like coming home from a rough party in college. What the hell just happened?!

Jason holds your face in his hands as he tries to get your attention.

"Are you OK?!" he asks, his eyes bunched and worried.

You nod, looking down at your dress, your missing shoe. The scratches on your neck bleed a little.

"What the hell happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened," Alex shouts. "This bitch thinks she's good enough for you!"

Jason looks over at her and is completely perplexed. Two women fighting over him? What is happening?

You motion your thumb behind your shoulder.

"That. That's what happened. Wrong place, wrong time. She came in swingin'."

The staff escorts her off the property, asking you if you'd like to press charges, to which you deny. You don't need any bad press, and you certainly don't want Jason attached to it.

Jason takes you in his arm and walks you out and back to the car, the party is now officially over.

In the back of the car while at a stop light, he looks over at you where you're blotting the scratches with a napkin and fixing your makeup and hair.

"Are you sure you're OK?" he asks. You look at him and smile. "I'm fine, babe. I can hold my own." He nods.

"I know you can," he whispers, leaning over to kiss you. "It's...kinda sexy you got in a fight over me. Not that I want it to become a habit..."

You flip your compact mirror close and smile.

But Alex's words - about you not being his type - are rolling around your head. He can sense it immediately as you approach his front door where he pulls you in.

"Talk to me."

Your eyes are wide. He can read it on your face. You try to shake your head, and he touches your chin with his thumb and finger, tilting your eyes to his.

"Talk to me, sweetheart."

Your eyes cast down. "She said something that got me thinking..."

He takes a deep breath.

"That I'm not your type. I know we're crazy about each other, but..."

He starts to shake his head.

"No, but listen. I'm not. If I look at your track record, I don't fit the mold. That's all. Maybe I was a novelty, but what if the novelty wears off?"

Jason chuckles and takes another deep breath, stepping closer and his dark hazel eyes look deep into yours -- despite the running mascara.

"Do you know why I love you?" he asks. You chuckle and start, "Because..."

"Because you broke the goddamn mold."

"But I'm..."

"I know what you're going to say. Comparing your looks and all that," he says, waving it off. "You. You broke the mold."

“That goddamn laugh, your smile. Your brain, your sense of humor. I’ve never laughed as hard as I do with you,” he says, smiling, his dimple making you swoon.

You smile in return, his fingers caressing your shoulder where your black dress strap hangs, ripped apart, your red bra strap hanging out.

"I mean, listen. Seeing this beautiful, curvey, strong body in action -- defending you, defending me -- she didn't stand a chance..." he mutters, kissing your neck.

His hands go around your waist, running up and down the hills and valleys of your waist, hips, and ass, then up higher to your ribcage and breasts...

"Jesus Christ," he murmurs against your hair, his cock tenting in his pants as his hands continue their journey around your body. You palm him and make him moan your name, low and husky in your ear.

Your kiss connects gently at first, then you tease his lips with your tongue, and he cups your face with one hand and pulls you closer with the other, leading you both to the couch and pulling you on top of him.

His hands skate up your dress, to your thighs, then behind you to your zipper, which he tugs down while you kiss.

"You may as well rip the rest of it, baby," you whisper to his lips, making him smile. He wastes no time, ripping the other strap of the dress and groaning at how it feels to claim you.

He pulls your hair down from its updo and tangles his fingers in it while he kisses you deeper, his lips trailing down your neck, now to your collarbone and breasts where the dress hangs off your body.

"I only want you, sweetheart," he murmurs to your skin. "Let me show you how much I want you, how much I love you..."

You nod, your lips parted and plump from kissing, your cheeks blushed and eyes glassy. You nod.

"Please."

His pants get kicked off and his shirt is thrown over his head on the way to his bedroom.

Once there, he lays you gently on the bed and like a fine piece of art, touches your body and smiles, his eyes roaming every inch. You almost feel embarrassed under his gaze like this, until he crawls between your legs and dips his lips to yours again.

"Perfect," he mutters. "You're perfect."

---

I don't know where this came from. I'm feeling feisty and wanna start a fight? I don't know. Alex is my target. I totally just invented her and now I really hate her. She's gonna be where I direct my kickboxing anger from now on. Thursdays, man. Thursdays. THANKS FOR THE PROMPT, FRIEND! I hope you enjoyed it. I wanna do more with reader x Jason. These are so fun...

[aggressivenesswhilecrying]

The meaning of red

Summery:

Grian had fallen, and after the months of near death, he gets better, but sadly, scar wasn't home fast enough. And this is just the monologing of a ghost.

TRIGGER WARNING, UH, DEATH, THIS IS VERY DEAD, LIKE, THE MAIN PLOT POINT IS DEATH, ANGST, BLOOD, YOU GET THE POINT, I THOUGHT "WHATS THE SCARIEST THING NATURAL TO HUMANS" ITS DEATH

Not proof read or edited

(This is another fic for the @mcyt-halloween event!! I might be a little crazy, cuz I read the message about possibly writing this one not even 12 hours ago, and this is for @skydoesthings my wifffeee<<<3333)

(If you could please tell me your ao3 username, I would love to gift this to you on there<3333)

The air was cool, like a comforting blanket, the desert nights are always cool, wrapping around you with a chill to your very bones. Grian knows it well. Griam has lived here his entire life. That the truth, he was born, raised, and killed, in this desert. it was almost stupid. Standing above his still young body. Which laid wrapped in blankets, skin still red with fever, he knows the color will be gone soon. 

He knows that there was no light.

He knows that there has still been no reaper to take his soul.

His last moments had been spent coughing, and coughing, then, he felt it rise. He had no idea it was well, possible to vomit so God damn hard that it was red. Straight pure red. But. He knew, the second he saw it, the red. The *blood*. That this was the end. He tried to reach for his phone, he really did.

Maybe tell his mom he's sorry she has to go to his funeral instead of the other way around. Or call his sister, tell pearl he's sorry he never got to go to her wedding. He heard her and cleo are engaged now. Tell mumbo that he hopes his next Redstone machine will win at that competition. Maybe call Scott and tell him he won't be there for the next mcc.

No. He reached for the hpone to tell scar. Just One more time. That he loves him. that the cacti farm idea wasn't that stupid. That he's been feeding jellie more treats then scar wanted. That his monical his in grains underwear drawer, he didn't lose it, grian just hid it. That he loves scar, but gods did he hate those cookies.

He wanted to tell him a lot. He really did. But he started to cough again. He was light headed. And then he couldnt breath. every gasping breath barely last long enough. His world got fuzzy around the sides. Then it was red. Everything was red. 

Standing back, grian doesn't know how to feel. Looking at his corpse. It's. Well. It's red. His sweater and pajam pants were already red, he wanted to wear something matching. His skin bright red with sickness. Then of course, the blood. His dripped down his chin. It covered his blankets. He was red. A violent color. A loving color. A bold color. He really was red.

Scar is at work. If he didn't go in, he would have gotten fired. And they financially couldn't afford for scar to lose his job. Grian already lost his a few weeks in. 

He has been getting better when scar left. His temp was going down, he hadn't thrown up. But then, he'd taken a nap. And it just...grian didn't have the time. He's glad scar didn't have to see it happen, but still, he knows the man will feel beyond guilty. 

He didn't know what to do. He's a ghost in a living house. 

The house felt beyond alive, everything around him felt to be breathing. But him. But, that might be the remains of sick hallucinating. He isn't sure.

He refuses to look in a mirror, he doesn't think he'd be able to see himself. And even if he did,, he doesn't want to see the same, pale, red, sick face. Red. Red. Red. 

The door to home open, and stuck in place, grian watches scar. 

"Hey gri!! I'm b…..back….." the cheerful scar opened the door, his work clothes for the bank on, skin tight, and he had a large grin on his face as he rolled in. That was untill he caught sight of grian.

Grian didn't want to watch anymore. Grian didn't want to watch as scar hurried over, checking his pulse before tears started to pour heavily when there was nothing there. Grian didn't want to watch as scar pulled the dead body off the the couch and sobbed. Grian didn't want to see scar covered in red. He didn't half to watch, he could hear it all.

Scar was green. Scar will always be green. His 3yes are green, his nails are painted green. Scar is green. Green is alive. Green is growth. Green means go, go fourth, red won't stop you anymore. Green means the red fire is gone, green means it can grow from the ashes red left. Green is calm, green is good. Green is the color of when scar throws up his lunch.  Scar is green. And now grians dirty, dirty red, is getting all over him.

He heard scar call the cops, a blabbering mess. Grain decided to float off. Curling up into his bed knees to his chest. He could see his through his knees. He doesn't remember the last time he had been in his room. it had been far too long ago.

Old mirror and clocks, and paintings hung the walls. Silly radios and casset recorders and VHS tapes and type writers, and books, and jusr, so much, surrounded him, drowning h8m in memories and joy. Scar had gotten him a TV with a VHS player in it. Big and bulky, but he loved it. Pearl didn't know what to get him for his birthday, but she had gotten him an old falling apart coocoo clock. He had fixed it up and hung it right by his door and cried. So many stupid memories. He guesses he's apart of those memories now.

Around his the room exhoed and singed of memories that arent his. Everything whispered of joy of having been loved again. Everything, once again. Was alive but him.

A poor, helpless ghost, in a house so alive. He heard some people leave the rooms of loved ones as they are when they pass. He wonders if scar will do that. Or if scar wont be able to handle it here, won't be able to imagine living here any longer, and move out. He almost hopes scar leaves. Maybe then scars green won't be dirtied with his red. 

STOP.

STOP.

RED MEANS STOP.

Months had passed. 7 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days to be exact. Grian was pronounced dead at 6:42pm on the 26th of June. The house was at 68 Fahrenheit becuase of the cooling temp outside. Jellie had gotten out through a window. And grian was already dead. With his sickly state. He looked almost like he died days ago. They say he died only an hour or less before scar had gotten there. scar had gotten home at 6:25pm, it took ambulance 15 minutes to get there. Grian was dead long ago. 

Scar is infront of grians door. His wheelchair at a full stop. He bit his lip as his body seemed to shake with an empty feeling in his chest. He opened the door for the first time in a year. 

A red, sickly ghost sits on grians bed. Blonde hair having grown out, looking shaggy. Empty, red, beautiful eyes look at him. Scars breath stops right in its fast and uneven place. 

Red is a sad color. And green is for mouring what's still there. Apparently.

Grian and scar are brown now aparently. A sick. Gross brown. Red and green mixed. 

[davyjoneslockr]

Yes yes I'm sending more playlist related questions because these are fun. So The Rain The Park And The Other Things on the Fugio playlist caught my eye..ear? And it reminded me of the song Send me no flowers by Doris Day and I like that a lot.

Everybody says that Strawberry Blonde is very them coded but nobody explains why. I'm curious about your interpretation :D

Also does the Naramis playlist tackle the sad side of their relationship? How, you know, Narancia isn't there anymore. I appreciate that a lot about this ship- losing someone you love but still needing to move on. I think that's very realistic and I hope Mista finds peace again.

HI I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THIS sorry for the wait!!

Just listened to Send Me No Flowers and it's really lovely, I think I could also see it being Fugio-y in a way? Specifically postcanon pre-PHF from Giorno's POV. Something something he has all the tangible things he wants but not Fugo. But maybe that's just because my brain loves to make songs about wanting someone back + flowers about Fugio lol.

I won't lie, Strawberry Blond is a holdover from when I started making this playlist four years ago, when Strawberry Blond was considered the Fugio song and was on everyone's playlists lol. But listening to it now, I actually think it aligns with my Fugio vision more than I initially thought.

I think a lot of people take it as a Fugo -> Giorno song, but I much prefer imagining it the other way around. Again, imagery of someone leaving and the other aching over it, and the line "I love everybody because I love you" makes me think of Giorno basically getting his whole worldview tossed up because of Fugo, who's so completely different from him in every way. But also, I really really like to imagine that Giorno's feelings are unrequited at first. I think I've explained the Fugonara -> Fugio pipeline before, but Fugio during canon to me is more like. Giorno is very infatuated with Fugo, and Fugo doesn't notice because he's still hung up over his own one-sided feelings for Narancia. So the second verse kinda fits that, too, I think. The thing with "all I ever wanted was a life in your shape" also could have a lot of different connotations with them, too - Fugo had, and still has, a lot of privilege Giorno doesn't (Fugo grew up rich, never had to face xenophobia/racism, had a strong and well-funded education that is clearly shown to still give him a huge advantage even after he's disowned), and on the headcanon side of things, I do usually hc Giorno as trans and Fugo as cis, so there's that, too. But it could also be how Giorno has always repressed emotions/feelings, and Fugo isn't really able to, but also derives power from those emotions (even if they're harmful) - maybe a tiny bit of subconscious envy that Fugo's able to feel, to cry, so on and so forth? Idk. Something like that.

As for the Naramis playlist, I actually don't have a ton of angsty stuff on there, because I did originally envision it as a happier vibes sort of playlist (even I need a break from Naramis angst sometimes hehe). But I did start including a few sadder ones as of late!!

This song is super postcanon Mista to me and that's why I used it as the title for the second part of my fic :] "Once my heart was filled with the love of a girl/I held her close, but she faded in the night/Like a poem I meant to write" specifically.

Another postcanon one. The airplane metaphors really sell it for me. I think Mista sometimes plays this one on his guitar and thinks of Narancia :)))

And slightly different, but I actually think of this one from Narancia's POV!! He's been let down and betrayed a lot in his life, he can't envision a better life for himself than being a criminal, and his best friend ends up leaving him out of cowardice, so he hopes that he can at least have one person he can trust and rely on - ie Mista.

Thank you again for the ask, I love talking about my tunes (and Fugio and Naramis) ^_^

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

❤ Love me like you 

Summary; Y/n tries to move on after her breakup with Eddie but things don't go to plan.

Warnings; Talks of break up, fwb situation. Angst with a happy ending. 💞💫 18+

Song lyrics from Little Mix - Love me Like You 💞💫

I posted this last night but wasn't 100% happy with it so I took it down and changed a few things. 💖 As always thank you to anyone who reblogs, comments, and interacts with this fic. It's very much appreciated.

💞💫💞💫💫💞💫

Aaron from the basketball team asked her out on Friday, he took her to her fancy restaurant and it was lovely.

But she missed cooking at home with Eddie by her side or milkshakes at the diners her and Eddie both loved.

She missed Eddie, more than anything. It had been a month since they had broken up...

Well if that's what you could call the relationship in the first place, at first it was purely based on sex, a friends with benefits type thing.

Of course, like the whole cliche, she fell in love with him and confessed her feelings.

He broke her heart when he said they should end things.

"I've fallen in love with you too princess but fuck, We're so different, you deserve better than me.

"The freak and the school sweetheart? People would have a field day."

"I won't let you get any shit thrown your way because of me, I couldn't bare it, baby".

That was almost a month ago and her heart was still shattered. Sometimes she wonders if Eddie did love her or if he was just saying it because he hardly looks broken up about it.

He still acts the same and she's left picking up the pieces of a broken heart. Left still loving him, trying to move on and failing. Perhaps he's even moved on to some other girl now?

The thought makes her feel nauseous.

Maybe if she was Chrissy or some other popular, pretty cheerleader he would have fought harder.

She knows he used to crush hard on Chrissy and maybe that's always been what he's vying for. Perfection.

Maybe she was good enough to fuck but that's it. Groaning she chastises herself, it's no good thinking about this, making herself feel so empty.

If Eddie truly doesn't care then she needs to move on for good but how can she when he has such a hold on her heart?

Aaron grins at her and kisses her, she feels nothing. He smacks her backside and shouts out obscene jokes to his friends which makes them laugh she shrugs away from him disgusted.

"Babe, Aaron calls. Come on, it was a joke lighten the fuck up". She doesn't listen and keeps walking away.

Eddie treated her like a princess even if they were just sex. Never like that, like she was some piece of meat. Her heart aches because she misses him even more.

She misses waking up in his arms in the morning, riding in his van and feeling so safe and content, she misses the way he called her his princess and sweetheart.

If she only stayed a few seconds longer then maybe she would have seen the longing in Eddie's eyes as he watched her go.

💞💫

Aaron was still acting like an ass the next day, she had tried telling him numerous times that she did not want another date.

"Why the hell would you not want to date me? Do you know how lucky you are that I even gave you a chance?". He hisses as she tells him for the umpteenth time that she had a nice time but she's not interested.

"Aaron, you're making a scene will you stop please, I'm sorry I've hurt you. I hope you can find what you're looking for but it's not me".

She attempts to move past him and he grabs her arm so hard that it's painful.

"What the hell? Back off". He sneers and she struggles out of his grip. Robin approaches at the same time as she hears a very familiar shout.

"Hey, asshole, leave her alone. Now". Eddie gets in between them and wrenches her free of Aaron's grip.

"Fuck off freak! What you going to fight me now?". Eddie stares him down brown eyes burning with rage and Aaron stalks away muttering to himself.

She rubs her arm trying to stop the tears from falling, Robin pats her shoulder sympathetic and she smiles up at Eddie trying to keep it together.

"Thanks, god he's an asshole".

Eddie strokes her cheek and takes her arm so gently and tender, he checks it for any bruising. It's the first time she's truly seen him up close and he looks like how she feels.

Broken and lost.

"I miss you, fuck I miss you, baby". She leans into his touch and his arms wrap around hers, she wants to give into this but she's still hesitant.

"You broke my heart Eddie, I fell so in love with you and when you ended things it devastated me". His face crumples in agony and he swallows.

"I meant what I said, I was trying to protect you, sweetheart, but fuck this last month has been hell. Being with you is the happiest I've been in my whole life, I'm tired of pretending I'm fine because I'm not, I'm so fucking sorry".

His hand caresses her cheek.

"I'll do anything to make it up to you and for us to be together again".

Robin is watching them in awe. "It's like something out of a romance film". She gushes and then makes a zipping motion to her mouth when they both look at her torn between amusement and sheer exasperation.

"Yup, got it. Shutting up now".

She turns back to Eddie. "I thought maybe you didn't love me, maybe you wanted someone like Chrissy instead, I know you used to like her".

He shakes his head. "That was ages and ages ago baby, I dont want Chrissy or anyone else. I only want you. It killed me inside watching you with that prick Aaron".

Last night I lay in bed so blue 🎶

She gives into her want and cuddles into his chest. His familiar scent is so comforting and safe. He holds her tight, gently kissing her forehead.

He feels like home. This is where she belongs.

"He was an ass, it was one date and he was nothing like you, he could never ever love me like you. You're all I want Eddie, I love you so much".

Cause I realised the truth, they can't love me like you 🎶

His beaming smile warms her heart.

"I'm never, ever letting you go again angel, you're mine forever. I've never loved any woman until I met you. I love you so much, princess, so much"

I've tried to find somebody new but baby they ain't got a clue 🎶

They kiss and she feels her heart fill with love, happiness.

Can't love me like you 💞

[neyswxrld]

the thief

99 & Reader (platonic)

summary: When you decide to catch the thief of your office, you never thought about 99. You're even more surprised when you find out about his secret.

warnings: maybe a bit angst

word count: ~1090

advent calendar masterlist

a/n: this is the last fic for my advent calendar! i hope you enjoy! i can't believe this is over already, hehe. i hope you have a few wonderful days and wish you a merry christmas!

Quietly, you are sitting in the small closet of your office on Kamino.

The doors were almost closed. Only a small slit allows you to observe the quiet room.

It all started a few days ago, when you couldn't find your sticky tape. At first, you thought that maybe you misplaced it, but then various other things started to disappear.

Your sissors, glue, paper, another roll of sticky tape.

You figured that someone is stealing your stuff. The question is just who.

So you decided not to go to the mess hall or to your quarters just now, but to hide and reveal your thief.

You don't even have to wait for that long. It is about ten minutes after the official end of your shift when you hear someone entering the code on the door.

The door slides open, and you can hear someone walking in. Irregular steps, followed by the sound of small wheels rolling over the floor. 

That could just be one special person-

You can't even finish your whole thought, as the exact person walks in your field of view.

99.

He's the thief?

Just as you want to shrug it off, you see how he grabs the perforater on your desk. He puts it in his small rolling container with all the cleaning stuff and casually walks out again, after cleaning your desk.

Perpleed, you can just watch him. Only in the last second, you jump out of your hiding place.

"99?" you ask.

Startled, he turns around, his right eye getting as big as a ball.

"Y-Yes, Ma'am?" he asks, as innocent as ever.

"Did you... Are you... Have you been stealing my stuff?" you ask him, a bit worried. Why would he do that?

"Oh- Ah-... Yes, I- I did," he answers a little bit reluctant, but honest. "I wanted to give it back to- to you. Sorry, for not asking first," he explains, shuffling on his feet a little.

"It's- uuuh... It's okay, because it's you," you nod, already forgiving him. "What are you doing with all that stuff?" you ask him, coming closer a little bit. You almost feel like you're cooing a hurt tooka out of the corner.

"All the cadets. It's almost Christmas and they deserve something for- for this special occasion," he explains, rubbing his neck, looking down on the floor.

"So you're gifting them my utensils?" You're still so confused about hus actions.

"No, no! I- I'm wrapping some presents. I'm sorry I didn't ask you," he says again.

Your heart warm at the confession a little bit.

"You're wrapping presents for the little ones? All alone?" you want to know, just to make sure.

99 just nods.

"Well, okay. Can I-... Would you like some help? There are a lot of presents to wrap if you want to give one of them to anyone," you say.

99 thinks about it for a minute, before nodding.

"Okay. Come with me, but you have to- have to promise me you won't tell anyone anything," he agrees, pulling a promise from your lips at the same time.

"My lips are sealed," you assure him, slowly following him through the bright halls of Tipoca City.

"What are you gifting to them?" you ask him quietly after some time.

He looks at you with big eyes again, before answering: "Sweets and Cookies. Some of the older Generation have brought some and- and I thought I could make the smaller one's happy."

A small, sad smile appears on your lips.

On one side, you're absolutely touched by 99's thoughtfulness and his love for his brothers. On the other side, it hits you all over again, that the only single for those childrens is to become soldiers. They weren't allowed to life their own free life and all the single things that were guaranteed for you as you grew up, are rarities for them. If 99's plan will work out, it's going to be the first time for many of the small cadets to try their first sweet food.

As you reach an unintrusive door, 99 looks around a few times, before entering a code.

The door swings open and you shuffle into the small storage room.

Inside, there was a small table with different things on top - all stuff from your office. Around the room were some crates, filled with colorful candies.

"I made those tiny boxes,"  99 explains and shows you said thing. It was made out of paper and had a small smiling face painted on it.

In a corner was a huge mountain, made out of several other paper boxes with different things painted on them.

"I can show you how to fold one... And then we fill it up. One goody for every cadet, otherwise it won't be enough for- for everyone," he explains, waving you over already.

You're a bit speechless. When you thought about the thief you expected someone of your colleagues who was too lazy to order new stuff, but you didn't count on 99, doing such a heartwarming thing for his little brothers.

You swallow the lump that forms in your throat, coming over to him and letting him show you how to help him.

After that afternoon, you spend the majority of your free time together with 99 in that little room.

Day after day, you help him prepare for his surprises, trying to support him in every way and providing him with different supplies.

When Christmas finally arrives, you two wait at the mess hall for all the small cadets, giving everyone of them a small package.

You've never seen them that happy.

When the night comes around, you and 99 visit the cadets in the large sleeping hall. Most of them are very excited, thanking him again for his gesture.

Af the evening goes on and on, you start telling some Christmas tales and share some other traditions you did with your family.

Even though there is a relatively big turmoil, you are never interrupted by any Kaminoans or other authorities.

While 99 starts to believe it was a little wonder no one noticed, you know better.

Maybe, just maybe, you updated some schedules in the morning, taking care of that problem, and kept away said people from the barraks for the evening.

Everyone here deserves an event full of carefree fun and joy, and when you could help in any way regarding that, you would.

Over and over again.

You've never seen 99 that happy, either.

TAGLIST:

@isthereanechoinhere96 @trixie2023 @freesia-writes