#one second we were making out another she's hyperventilating on the floor i'm fucking dying the party ended at 11pm

[jaennie]

i was supposed to have a lit party with my bestie but we haven't had such a flop since we were teenagers i think i'm laughing we mutually agreed to ignore the fact she almost died and that i almost had sleep paralysis imagining that it was her who touched me when in fact she slept with her hands up. we usually last until 6am and it ended at 11pm i'm fucking crying

[elisaphoenix13]

You headcanoned beautifully, I'm so excited to read the story.

(AT) Some Things Aren't Worth The Risk

"Peter..." A small voice whispers. "Please wake up..."

Peter groans when someone shakes his shoulder and he blinks heavy eyelids open. He heard the kids more than he saw them first. His senses told him all of the Avengers kids were with him and they were definitely not home. The room they were in was dark so it took the teen's eyes a couple of seconds to adjust before he saw the kids huddled on a single mattress in the corner of the windowless room. Mainly Clint's kids and...fuck...Diana. She could barely sit up by herself and she was mainly on a bottle and pureed food still. Tony and Stephen were still introducing solids to her, and Peter had no idea how long they had been there.

Based on the smell, either she or Nathaniel needed a diaper change.

Cassie was the one that had woken him up though. Peter groans again when he tries to move, and his entire body screams at him to take it slow. He cracks his neck and stumbles to his feet as Cassie moves away and looks around the room to look for any cameras or mics. There weren't many places to hide those things since the mattress was the only piece of 'furniture' in the room, and once he confirms there's no cameras or mics, he turns to the kids.

Cooper, Lila, and Nathaniel were in their own little huddle. Diana was sitting up next to them surprisingly not too upset with their current predicament (small mercies, Peter thought; though it wouldn't last long), and Cassie had returned to the teen's sister to make sure she didn't fall down. Which answered his question of who had taken care of her when he was unconscious.

"Does whoever took us know I'm Spiderman?" Peter asks them.

Cassie shakes her head. "I don't think so. They took your bracelet though and broke it."

"Damn it." The teen mutters under his breath.

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The bracelet would have at least been able to tell FRIDAY and Victor his location, but they somehow managed to break his nanotech? He couldn't try breaking them out either because he had no idea how many people he was dealing with and if they had guns. He wouldn't be the reason one of the kids got hurt. He had no choice but to wait and hope his parents and the rest of the team would find them. Peter would have to make sure the kids were safe and taken care of.

As if on cue, the door is cracked open just enough to throw in some food and baby supplies before closing again, and the lock turning back into place echoes loudly in the nearly bare room. Peter didn't waste any time to go through the small amount they were given. Their captors didn't seem to want them dead so the teen figured the food was safe to eat as he evenly distributed granola bars to the older kids, before making quick work of both Diana's and Nathaniel's dirty diapers.

For once, he was glad his parents had the mind to show him how to do it.

Once those were thrown in a bag and tied as tightly as possibly, he throws the bag near the door, and hands Cooper a jar of baby food. "Can you feed your brother?"

"Yeah." The boy says quietly. "Sometimes I help Mom and Dad."

"Good. That's your job right now."

"Why can't you get us out Peter?" Lila asks and the teen sighs.

"I don't know anything about who has us or where we are, and I don't want to risk getting you guys hurt if I try something. We'll just have to sit and wait for our parents to come get us."

Thankfully, the kids accepted his answer and ate their food in silence as Peter fed Diana. He didn't want to mention guns. That would only scare them more, and they were probably only staying calm because Peter was with them. It went without saying that he wouldn't let anything happen to them as long as he was able, but that was another problem he didn't voice. Granola bars would not hold the teen over. His metabolism was too fast and in the likely event he and the kids would be here for more than a couple of days, it would be a problem. Unfortunately, he would have to at least tell Cassie of the possibility that he would get very weak, very fast. She had a good head on her shoulders. For now though, he would play it by ear. It was all he could do.

______________________

Alarms blare throughout the tower, scaring both Tony and Stephen into consciousness, and both parents jump out if bed, only for their knees to buckle and their heads spin. Both men grab onto the nearest piece of furniture to steady themselves and wait for the dizzy spell to pass and Tony waves his hand in the air to get FRIDAY to turn off the alarms.

Once the floor goes quiet again, Tony shakes the last of the dizzy fog from his head. "Wh-what's going on?!" He croaks out.

"Boss! All of the children are missing!" The AI responds with a hint of distress.

"What?! Why wasn't anyone warned?!" Tony yells.

"A virus was released into my programming. It took me until now to destroy it and fix it. Victor is still offline." FRIDAY says.

Tony and Stephen rush out of the room and separately check Peter's and Diana's bedrooms, and the sorcerer comes out of Peter's with a hand over his mouth. Tony joins him moments later and anxiously combs his hand through his hair as the elevator hisses open and both Clint and Scott rush in. Their words die on the tips of their tongues when they notice the anguish on the couple's faces and the archer swears loudly.

"Peter and Diana are gone too." Scott says.

"Did you both wake up dizzy?" Stephen asks quietly.

Clint nods and Tony rubs his eyes. "FRIDAY, any explanation?"

"I'm sensing traces of sleeping gas in the vents."

"Flush out the tower and track Peter."

"I've already tried Boss. Karen is offline. I believe Peter's suit has been destroyed."

Tony snarls. "Find my kids FRI. I don't care how you do it."

Stephen storms into Peter's room and has to hold himself back from tearing his and Diana's room apart to find a strand of hair. Someone took his cubs and he was furious. Mama Bear had pushed back the doctor and the sorcerer. Clint and Scott quickly caught onto what Stephen was doing and left to hopefully find hair strands from their own kids on their own floors while the rest of the Avengers came up a few minutes later, tired but alert. The alarms had woken them up as well and Stephen could only guess that they had to fight through the side effects of the sleeping gas. While he tore apart the family floor, Tony filled them in on the situation, and half of them decided that a blind search was better than nothing before leaving. The other half stayed to help look for hair or through the city's cameras.

Unfortunately, Scott and Clint came back empty handed, and it triggered an anxiety attack in Stephen. His breathes came in short gasps. He froze in the middle of the living room, hands shaking, and Tony had to ignore his own terror to get his husband to sit on the couch and calm down.

"Stephen, listen to me. We'll find them. Peter's probably with all of them and he'll take care of the kids until we do."

"They might know he's Spiderman. His bracelet--" Stephen starts, his voice quivering.

"Can be mistaken as a tracker. It doesn't mean they know." Tony grabs one of the sorcerer's trembling hands and places it over his heart. "Right now, just focus on breathing. You're hyperventilating."

Stephen focuses on Tony's heartbeat and matches his breathing with the engineer's until he feels himself calm down. He buries his face into his hands once he pulls away and slouches forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and Wanda walks over to rub his back. Stephen couldn't help but think of worst case scenarios and it took a lot just to beat those thoughts away before they gave him another panic attack. He felt powerless. He had no way of searching for his kids. They had to hope that they caught some kind of glimpse of anything in cameras and that was already failing based on the negative mumbles coming from the remaining part of the team.

Stephen resists when he feels himself being tugged down, but the other person doesn't relent until he finally allows himself to be guided down. To his surprise, his head didn't land on Tony's lap, but Wanda's. She must have taken the billioanire's place to help keep him calm while Tony went back to help look for the missing kids.

It made him feel pathetic, but at the same time, he needed it. He would continue to be useless if he didn't rest and kept panicking. He had no choice but to wait unless someone came across a hairbrush or something.

______________________

A couple of days had passed, and Peter only knew that because their captors fed them three times a day. It was always dry, non-perishable foods, and just enough to keep the other kids stomachs from growling. All but him of course. His stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself, and just yesterday he was feeling extremely tired and sluggish. Now? He could barely move. It was a good thing he told Cassie what was going to happen, and made sure she could take over his duties because he was now completely unfunctional. Cooper and Lila had noticed, and he could tell they were trying really hard to stay calm. If they started freaking out, the babies would follow, and Peter was the only one in the room that would be able to soothe Diana if she started crying. Cassie had done an amazing job so far in keeping the babies happy, only leaving them to Cooper and Lila when she tried to help Peter at least drink some water. He was beyond food at this point. He tried to eat this morning but it took too much energy that he didn't have.

"Peter." The teen slowly opens his eyes and Cassie holds up a bottle of water to his mouth so he can take a few gulps. She had learned quickly to read his facial expressions and Peter hated that she had to do this. She was ten for crying out loud! He glances toward the kids on the mattress and Cassie pulls the water away. "They're asleep." She puts the lid back on the water bottle before looking down at the floor. "You're dying aren't you?"

Oh god. She wasn't supposed to be this attentive. Peter couldn't even lie and tell her no or at least shake his head...but he was. He honestly didn't know how much longer his body could go without proper sustenance. He was probably dragging out the inevitable with the water, but no matter how miserable he felt, he would cling for as long as he could for the other kids. If he died, they would definitely panic.

"Daddy will help find us. So you have to stay alive."

He was trying. He was hanging on by his fingertips, and he never wanted to be held by his parents so badly until now. He was cold, his limbs were heavy, he was beyond starving, and he was dehydrated. He wished he could at least make his way over to Diana so he could cuddle with her but even that was impossible.

He would die here.

Peter was only comforted by the fact that when he did, Stephen and Tony still had Diana.

The thought pushed a single tear out of the corner of his eye and down his cheek, something Cassie noticed and gently wiped away. She then grabbed her blanket and laid it over Peter's shoulders. A small comfort. It was thin and barely kept the cold out but it was nice all the same.

Cassie and the other kids jump when the door flies open, and one if their kidnappers steps in with a flashlight and surveys the room before settling on Peter. The teen squints until Cassie holds her hand in front of his eyes, and Peter begs his limbs to move when the man steps in closer.

"What's wrong with him?" 

Cassie squares her shoulders and looks up at the kidnapper. "He's sick! He needs a hospital!"

"Not happening." Diana starts crying from being loudly disturbed from her nap. "Shut her up before I do."

"Only he can do it and he's too weak!" Cassie yells as she points to Peter. For a ten year old she was very brave.

"Fine."

Peter's eyes widen in pure, unadulterated terror when the man approaches the mattress and crying baby. He fought his body and another tear rolls down his cheek when his limbs betray him yet again. He was supposed to protect his sister and he couldn't even do that. He would have to watch this man kill her. He would have sobbed when the man pulls a knife out, but the fear was soon replace with relief when a golden whip lashes out and wraps around the kidnapper's wrist.

"If you hurt any of them, I will renounce my oath and kill you." Stephen says with a menacing growl from the open doorway.

Peter watches as the man is suddenly thrown onto his back, away from the children on the mattress, and Levi wraps itself around the man to restrain him. Scott grows back from his ant-size and rushes over to Cassie, gently cupping her cheeks, and Stephen gathers Diana into his arms.

"Oh peanut...are you okay?"

Cassie's lower lip quivers but she holds back her tears as she looks at Peter. "He's sick Daddy. Really sick."

Scott looks over at the teen and swears when he takes in the boy's ashen skin and dulling eyes. "Strange! Something's wrong with Peter!"

Stephen's head snaps in their direction and he moves away from Clint's kids when the man himself enters the room, and crouches next to Scott. He reaches out with a free hand to lift his son's chin and his heart plummets.

"Were you fed?" He asks Cassie.

"Yeah...but Peter said it wasn't enough for him. They only gave us some granola bars, water, and baby food."

Stephen was starting to panic again. "When did he stop eating?"

"Last night."

The sorcerer hands Diana to Scott and turns to open a portal straight to the tower's med-bay. Clint and Scott waste no time going through with the other kids, and Stephen scoops Peter up into his arms.

"Victor, send a message to Tony that we have the kids and we're back at the tower!"

"Yes doctor."

Stephen steps through the portal, letting it close behind him and leaving the team behind in the house Cassie's hair had led them to, and carefully lays Peter on a vacant bed. When he finds the teen's eyes closed and the boy unresponsive, he yells for Bruce who moves from Lila's side to join the sorcerer.

"His body is shutting down."

_____________________

Peter had slipped into a coma and his parents were devastated. He was hooked up to so many machines, a feeding tube being one of his many attachments, and his survival was still questionable. The other kids were reasonably healthy and were just sent to bed after a proper meal, showers, and their parents...except for Cassie. She finally let her brave face fall away and she cried. Not because of what they went through, but because Peter had made sacrifices to keep them safe and fed and could die because of it. Tony and Stephen almost never left Peter's side until both Clint and Scott made them. They promised to help take turns watching over the teen since it was the least they could do for him after what he did for their kids, and that was where Scott was two weeks after they recovered the kids.

Peter still showed no signs of waking.

"You sleep any longer shortstack, your parents will be in here next." The ex-con mumbles.

"Bruce says he's getting better." Rhodey says as he enters the room. "It's up to Peter whether to wake up or not."

"Then he should wake up soon right? We know this kid, he wouldn't worry Mom and Dad anymore if he can help it."

"That's the hope. You need a break?"

"Nah...I just got here. Thanks though." Scott says with a flippant wave and picks up the tv remote to put on a show as Rhodey gently takes one of Peter's hand in his.

They both sit back in their uncomfortable chairs to watch tv and Scott's shift goes by uneventfully. At least until Clint walks in. Then Rhodey physically jumped out if his seat and looked down at Peter when his hand was squeezed lightly. Scott jumps out of his own as Clint rushes over to join them, and they all find brown eyes looking up at them groggily. Peter lifts his free hand to fuss with the feeding tube but Scott quickly stops him and keeps the teen's hand in his, much like Rhodey.

"Hang on kiddo. I'll get Bruce and your parents." Clint says before running out of the room.

"Two squeezes for yes, and one for no. I know you probably feel miserable, but are you okay otherwise?" Rhodey asks. Peter squeezes his hand twice, and pretty quickly much to the colonel's satisfaction. "Need Mama Bear cuddles?" He asks and smiles when the teen squeezes his hand hard twice. "I'll take that as an enthusiastic yes."

Bruce barges into the room and looks over Peter, before telling the adults on either side of the bed that he was going to remove the tube. It was probably going to be uncomfortable for Peter so they were to stay and give him some support. The teen squirms briefly as Bruce removes the tube as carefully as possible and then coughs to get the foreign feeling out of his throat.

"Mum...and Dad..." Peter wheezes.

"They'll be here any second kiddo." Scott reassures him. "I'll probably be kicked out when they do, so I wanted to say thank you for what you did. Cassie's really worried."

Peter nods, still a little groggy and weak, and almost instantly releases Scott and Rhodey to raise his arms when Stephen is the first to run into the room. He didn't care if he looked childish. He just knew he wanted to collect on those hugs he so desperately wanted while in captivity, and even now when he was feeling weak. Scott barely had enough time to move out of the way when the sorcerer rushed over to sit on the side of the bed and answer his son's silent request and pull him into his arms.

"You're okay. You're safe."

He wasn't even sure if the words were for him or for Stephen. Both probably. Peter tugs the sorcerer down and the man understands immediately, making himself as comfortable as possible on the small bed so the teen can curl into him as much as possible. Peter let himself drown in Stephen's natural scent and was only soothed further when the smell motor oil and coffee filled the room. He didn't have to look up to know Tony was there too. A calloused hand brushes his hair away from his forehead long enough for the engineer to plant a gentle kiss on it before letting his hair flop back down and making the bed dip in the small area left open.

"Normally I would yell at you for being stupid-"

Peter frowns and curls into Stephen even more, and the sorcerer glares up at his husband. "Tony!"

"Buy you were far from stupid Underoos. You decided to sit and wait instead of risking the other kids lives by trying to fight your way out, and I am so proud of you. You scared the shit out of me and Mama Bear but you did the right thing." Tony finishes.

His words were what brought on the teen's tears. He had been scared since his body started to shut down on him and made his one of his fears a reality, not being able to protect others. Especially Diana, and was upset with himself because he had to force Cassie into a position she shouldn't have been in in the first place. He had felt like he did everything wrong, and Tony came and broke down his wall of doubts with just a few words.

"Kid, Laura and I are so grateful that you were there. Things could have been a lot worse, but my kids came home unharmed and only a little bit hungry." Clint adds.

Peter's tears slow and he fists the front of Stephen's shirt. "I couldn't help Diana. I tried but--"

Tony stops him by brushing his hair back again. "Dia's fine. We don't blame you. You were sick and Mama Bear got there in time. There are some things you can't help or control."

"Cassie had to--" Peter starts again but Scott interrupts.

"Cas is fine. She was more worried about you."

Peter turns his head to look up at Scott. "I'm pretty sure she saved my life. I want to thank her before she goes back to her mom's."

The ex-con grins. "Sure thing shortstack. Get some rest though."

Scott pats the teens leg and Clint gently ruffles his hair before the two leave, leaving Tony, Stephen, Rhodey, Bruce with Peter. He was getting tired again, still weak, but he could move and talk and that was already enough to relieve some of anxiety. Once he saw with his own eyes that all of the kids were safe and healthy, that would help with the rest of it.

Getting to cuddle Mama Bear was a huge plus.

"Looks like I'm not needed anymore. I'll be upstairs." Rhodey squeezes Peter's shoulder. "I'm glad to see you awake kid."

"He can try something solid, just not too much. Call if you need me." Bruce says before following the colonel out of the room.

"You wanna try to eat something Underoos?"

Peter shakes his head. "Just wanna go back to sleep."

"Do you want us to stay?" Stephen asks softly.

"At least until Dia needs you." Peter says before burying his face into the sorcerer's neck.

Tony chuckles. "I don't think Nat will mind babysitting. We'll be here when you wake up again."

"Okay..." The teen mumbles. "Love you."

Tony and Stephen smile. "Love you too kid."

[phan-of-the-pen]

I Dare You To Stay: Chapter 16

Look at that! A regular update!! :D 

Tags for chapter: major angst, talk of therapy/mental illness, talk of being kicked out, aphobia, minor language, minor fluff

Words for chapter: ~2.7

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3!)

<– Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~

"Dan, you're not even listening."

Dan snapped back to reality, his gaze focusing back on Katie sitting across from him. She was frowning, her eyebrows pinched and arms crossed. She still looked pretty even when she was pissed as hell, and Dan found that completely unfair.

"I am, I'm sorry I'm just really tired. I haven't been sleeping well." It was the truth, but Dan also hoped that it was enough to derail their conversation.

Katie rolled her eyes. "Dan, you're not getting out of this just because you're tired. I'm sorry to hear that you've been missing sleep, but we seriously need to talk."

"Okay," Dan said, mentally bracing himself for what he knew was about to happen, "go ahead. You have all of my attention."

"Thank you," Katie responded, her posture relaxing a little. "The bottom line is that I don't think this is working out anymore."

Oh.

Oh...fuck.

Dan's mouth fell open and his heart lurched in his chest. He had thought that this "talk" they were going to have would have been about Dan's mental health or their sex life, but he'd never even imagined it would be about this.

Is she breaking up with me?

"What? Why?" Dan breathed, helplessly searching Katie's eyes for proof that a breakup hadn't been what she meant. They'd been dating for so long...how could she look so unaffected?

"Danny, you know I love you. But I can't help but feel like you don't love me."

"Katie that's insane, of course I love you! How could you ever think that?" Dan asked. He reached forward to lace his fingers with his girlfriend's hand. It was something he did all the time when she got anxious to help calm her down. But instead of smiling gratefully at him she only scowled.

"Insane? Really Dan? You've been pulling away from me for months, you've been making obvious excuses to get out of sex, hell, you've barely even glanced at me in weeks!" Katie slipped her hand from Dan's, and somehow that action hurt more than her accusatory tone. "Am I even your girlfriend anymore?"

Dan winced, knowing that what she was saying was true.

"You're right, and you deserve better, I know, but-"

"No, no buts. I've had enough of your bullshit, Dan. What's going on with you?" Dan swallowed thickly. He had the answer that she was looking for, but that didn't mean that he wanted to tell her. The information felt so new and fragile, he was sure that the faintest pressure would cause it and himself to shatter.

But….

This was Katie, his girlfriend of over a year and a half, his best friend. She's supported him through his depression and anxiety, why does this have to be different?

Katie kept her eyes on him, waiting. His resolution solidified and he took a deep breath, knowing that she deserved to know.

Their eyes met, and Dan traced her green ones with his own. This was Katie. This was Katie. This was Katie.

"You're right. I've been treating you unfairly, and it's been because I've been struggling with something, but regardless that's not an excuse. Anyways…" Dan trailed off, digging his fingernails into his palm hard enough to surely leave little crescent moons behind.

The silence stretched, and Katie didn't make a move to fill it.

"I'm…"

Dan felt sweat prickle at the back of his neck and the rosey patch on his cheek bloom.

"I'm asexual."

~~~~~

"Dan, oh my god, are you alright? David, come here!" Dan's mum cried when Dan stepped through the door. He had tried to be quiet, but their front door was ridiculously creaky and Dan's hiccuping sobs were much too loud to muffle. His mum had him in an embrace before he could do anything about it, but he was pulling out of it before she could even properly settle her arms around him.

The hurt and worried look on his mum's face tore Dan apart, but he needed to self destruct in peace. Dan's father, who had come running at his wife's cry, rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Katie an-and I a-are done." Dan gasped between sobs before turning to the steps and running up them. He didn't miss his mum's gasp of shock.

"Get out of my fucking house Daniel! I never want to see your fucking face again!"

They were definitely done.

~~~~~

Hands grabbed at Dan's body, shoving him against the gym lockers and holding him there. Faces snarled at him as Dan thrashed against their grips.

"How about this, Howell?" Liam asked, pressing his naked chest up against Dan's. He clasped his hands onto Dan's hips and rolled both of their torsos together. "Katie told us how much you hated sex with her. Do you like men instead?" Liam backed Dan impossibly closer to the lockers, a sadistic grin on his face as he watched Dan panic and fight helplessly against all of the hands holding him in place. He thrust their hips together once more and leaned in close, bringing his mouth right up against Dan's ear. "Do you feel sick yet, Howell?"

Liam released him and back away laughing. Instantly the hands collectively released a hyperventilating Dan. Liam pulled his shirt back over his head and with his gang of cronies following him, moved to leave.

"Don't be late for gym, Howell!" he mocked as he exited. Someone shoved Dan to the floor of the locker room as they left.

As soon as it began, it had ended.

Dan stayed on the cold floor, shaking from a panic attack. He peeled himself up from the tiles just in time to rush to the bathroom before throwing up what little he had had for breakfast this morning.

There he stayed, crying against the bathroom stall.

~~~~~

"David, there's no need to rush things."

"I'm not rushing anything. It's been months since he and Katie have broken up, and I was just wondering if he had met someone else yet, that's all. It was an innocent question."

Dan picked at his food, happy to let his mum talk for him. She rolled her eyes and huffed before taking her and her husband's plates to the kitchen to clean them.

Dan stayed, watching the sunset cast oranges, reds, blues, and eventually nothing onto the tablecloth.

~~~~~

"Samantha, would you stay out of this? This is a conversation between a father and his son." Dan's father bit back. Dan shrunk back down further in the shadows.

"There's no need for it! He'll find someone when he finds someone, and you getting on his case won't do anything for anyone!" Dan's mum retorted.

"He hasn't been the same since Katie broke up with him. It's getting ridiculous! He needs to find himself another girl to forget about her." 

"David, I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason as to why Dan isn't dating anyone right now, but you need to-"

"Why aren't you dating anyone? You still haven't answered that question for me, Daniel." Dan's father said, turning his attention back to him. Dan swallowed, briefly looking at his mum for help, but feeling his heart sink when she only shook her head at her husband.

"Well?" Dan's father prompted, his voice gaining a hard edge. It made Dan jump, eyes going a little bit more wide.

Dan weighed his options as fast as he could. He's been giving his father bullshit excuses for months, and they both knew it. If Dan lied it would be easy to tell. Besides, he was out of excuses and his secret was wearing him down to the bone.

His heart in his throat, Dan summarized why his long-term girlfriend had broken up with him, and how he didn't experience sexual attraction as quickly as he could.

And watched as his life was obliterated.

~~~~~

Dan pulled the hood down lower over his face in a horrifically feeble attempt at keeping the stinging rain out of his eyes. He grit his chattering teeth against the wind and hugged his arms tighter around his soaked body.

His ears were still ringing with the words of his parents even though it had been a week since he had last seen them, and he doubted that he would be rid of them for a while still.

Dan ducked under an overhang to catch his breath against the wind, his whole body shaking from the cold. He sneezed violently and cursed; he couldn't get sick now of all times.

The wind blew a monstrous sheet of rain nearly sideways, hitting Dan even with his cover. Dan cursed himself once again for being so stupid and telling his parents for one, but for also being the way he was.

If he wasn't so fucked and wrong he'd be watching the rain from his warm bedroom window right now.

Dan pressed his fingernails into his palms to focus himself and stepped back out into the rain. He needed to find a place to stay, a job, and needed to find somewhere to cry.

~~~~~

"Can I please get the cheapest sandwich money can buy?" Dan asked the barista, eyeing the more expensive ones in the case but knowing that he couldn't afford them even if his stomach felt hollowed out.

The barista sized him up and nodded before disappearing to surely find Dan the most disappointing meal he'd ever have.

Dan leaned against the counter and tried to rub away a slowly forming migraine even though he knew that it would be no use. He really shouldn't have been out in the storm a few nights ago, but he didn't really have that many choices being homeless and disowned.

The barista returned with one of the sandwiches Dan had been looking at earlier as well as a bag of crisps and a bottle of water. She didn't even try to ring him up—only flicked her dyed-red hair and pushed the food forward for Dan to take. Dan was already starting to protest, but she cut him off.

"Look, don't even worry about paying for it. This is on the house, alright? You look pretty down on your luck and I know what that's like, so let me help you out. You can stay here as long as you like, and the booth all the way in the corner is easily the comfiest if you want to camp out until closing." She smiled at him, and it was the first genuine smile Dan had seen in a while. He felt tears prick at his eyes and threaten to spill over, and a baseball sized lump settle in his throat, but he got a hold of himself just in time. He gave the barista—her name tag read Jaime—the most thankful expression he could muster and nodded before getting out of the way of other customers.

Dan relished every bite of his sandwich and nearly cried over the simple comfort of a bag of crisps.

He followed her advice and staked his claim on the booth in the corner. She hadn't been lying when she had said it was comfortable, and after tucking his few valuables away on his person, he laid down and took a much needed nap.

The plan had been for a half an hour of rest to recharge, but when Dan woke back up the sun was low in the sky, and it was just beginning to get dark. Apparently he had needed sleep more than he thought.

Dan checked his belongings and smiled in relief when he found none of them missing.

About half an hour later, he slid out of the booth to leave. He'd need to find a place to hole up for the night, and it would be much easier with the sun still out.

Jaime—the barista—stopped him however. Dan instinctively tensed at her gentle hand on his arm and worried that she had changed his mind on giving him that sandwich, but she only smiled and pressed a paper and pen to his hand.

"It's a job application. You can think on it if you want, and don't worry about filling out stuff like a billing address or phone if you don't have one—I'll take care of them. And if you don't want a job, that's okay. You can always come back here as long as you want."

Jaime gave his arm a squeeze and let go of him so she could return to the counter where there were a few people waiting for their coffees.

Dan couldn't even say thank you with how tight with emotion his throat was.

Later that night, under the shelter of a alley overhang, Dan filled out the application as thoroughly as he could in the light of the moon. When he was done he tucked it safely in his backpack to return to Jaime. He drew his sweatshirt tighter around his body and felt himself relax for the first time since he had been kicked out.

He didn't have a place to stay or a family to love, but he was alive, he had a job, and hopefully, a friend.

Dan couldn't help the grin that spread over his face.

~~~~~

Dan watched as Gina studied him.

He hadn't gone into extreme detail over his past—especially the finer parts the hurt the most—but he had taken the whole hour to explain a vague outline of everything that had happened to him in the past few years. It was good to let his walls against the past slip, even just a little.

It was also the most he had talked about his past to anyone, including Phil, but he hoped that was a good thing. Gina was his therapist, however, so he supposed that it wasn't abnormal that she knew more about his past than his boyfriend.

"Dan, first I want to thank you for explaining your story to me. This session was much different than our last," she said with a smile. Dan sheepishly averted his eyes. This was his second therapy appointment, and his first hadn't gone over too well. He had divulged few details and was overly closed off and snappish for the whole hour he had with this woman.

"I think that we have a lot of work to do to turn around those cynical, negative thoughts of yours, but there's no doubt in my mind that you can do it." Her face softened. "I'm proud of you for telling me so much on only your second appointment. I'm sure you still have plenty of secrets, but that's alright. You'll get better, Dan. I promise."

Gina left him with a few tips on how to spot his negative thoughts, and strict instructions to start working on stopping them. He thanked her and left, pushing open the door and stepping outside soon enough.

It was a week until Christmas, and even though that meant that it was cold enough for the air to sting his lungs, he took a deep breath and started for his flat.

A week ago when he had gotten home after his first appointment and called Phil to complain how he didn't need this, Phil had talked him down from the rash decision of cancelling the rest of his appointments.

Dan had ended up thinking long and hard about why he was so opposed to therapy for himself, and he was certain that it was because he was still in denial that he needed help.

The thing was, he did. He needed help. He wanted to be happy and enjoy life, and more importantly, to move on. But the first step was to take away the power his parents and ex-girlfriend still unknowingly had over him. The only problem was that it was a bigger step than he could take on his own, and it's impossibility made the action daunting.

Dan was now trying to change that, however.

He needed to face his insecurities about himself and his sexuality, and understand that they were wrong and that he deserved better from himself. He needed to accept that he struggled with things like depression, and make changes to combat his mental illness.

It was a big first step, but that's what Gina was here for. She was helping him to learn how to walk.

Dan just couldn't wait until he knew how to run.