#oops i meant a fuck ton

[giuseppe-yuki]

ice water

oscar piastri x duck shapeshifter!reader

w.c.: 1.2k

warnings: a singular curse word- other that that, none

part of my shapeshifting!reader series

summary: mclaren hospitality somehow runs out of cold water; you have to get creative.

picture credits from pinterest :)

the weather at the miami circuit was, simply, hot as fuck. as soon as you climbed out of the oscar’s mclaren, clutching your miu miu handbag, you felt a wave of hot and humid florida air wash over you. oscar, ever the gentleman, clocks your discomfort immediately and leads you toward the paddock entrance. keeping one hand on your back protectively, he scans his badge and guides you towards mclaren hospitality.

being able to shapeshift into a duck at will definitely had its perks, but that also meant you gained some of the more negative aspects too. because ducks didn’t have sweat glands, you overheated really easily in extreme heat. 

“oscar!!” “over here!” “please sign my hat!!!”

before you and oscar could reach the motorhome, a crowd of fans spotted the mclaren driver. they surge forward, pens at the ready and cameras turned on. he turns, apologies at the tip of his tongue and mind running fast to think of a quick excuse so he doesn’t need to stay outside a second longer. before he can say anything, you turn to him.

“its okay baby, you can sign their hats and do whatever you need to- i can find some water by myself!" you smile at him reassuringly, then give him a peck on the cheek. those fans probably paid an insane amount of money in order to access the paddock, and it wasn’t every day you saw the insanely talented mclaren driver, oscar piastri, strolling around. to be honest, it still shocked you sometimes, having the privilege to wake up to his adorable sleepy face in the morning. (even though he does get mad at you for leaving your feathers everywhere on the bed)

“alright.” oscar says hesitantly. he then smiles that polite cat smile that he always does, wraps his arms around you, and gives you a kiss on the top of your head. “don’t get lost!” he quips, before he reaches toward a fan’s open sharpie. 

you roll your eyes and head into the team motorhome. 

as you step inside, you immediately bump violently into lando. its actually a wonder that you didn’t notice him, as he is dressed in his bright papaya hoodie and obnoxiously neon yellow bucket hat with his signature black patterns. he looks irritated, although his annoyed look immediately disappears once he notices it’s you. 

“oops- sorry,” you splutter out, “you okay?” 

“yeah i’m fine,” he says, flashing you a smile. the annoyed expression comes back though, and he adds, “except for the fact that its fucking 40 degrees celcius outside and there is not a single drop of cold water in this entire building!” 

“oh!” you exclaim. “that’s actually why i came in here- i really need water because of my…condition.” lando was one of the few people that actually knew of your ability to shapeshift (it involved a long story involving an animal trafficking accusation, bad timing, and a ton of feathers that you had shed), and he often helped cover for you and oscar when people got a little too close to discovering your secret.

a frown crosses lando’s face, but it is soon replaced by a devilish smirk. “why don’t we go over to the red bull motorhome to ask for some water?” he suggests.

“dressed like this?” you exclaim, gesturing at both your orange colored two-piece dress and lando’s brightly colored outfit. “mark my words, if you take a single step in that direction, skysports is going to notice, and is going to have ‘mclaren driver lando norris sneaks into red bull motorhome to steal important strategy documents’ pasted on every headline online!”

“umm…first of all,” lando says haughtily, “i can win a race by myself without needing to steal any red bull documents. second of all, i’m not going into redbull, you are…” he leans forward, and whispers, “...in duck form.”

you glare at him.

as if sensing a problem, oscar appears behind you. “what’s going on?” he questions, running a hand through his hair and wipes a little bit of sweat off of his reddened face. he turns to you for a response, but you’ve slotted yourself behind his back, using him as a barrier from lando. 

“your dumb teammate wants me to turn so i can go over to redbull and beg for water since mclaren ran out of ice water!” you exclaim. "can you believe it?"

20 dollars, persistent begging, and ten minutes later, you left the mclaren motorhome in duck form in oscar’s arms. the fans from earlier, with their newly signed merch and camera roll full of pictures of your boyfriend, again, rush towards oscar. instead of their attention being on him this time though, they all fawn over you, not even asking why in the world oscar jack piastri is holding a duck in front of the mclaren motorhome before the miami gp. you ruffle your feathers and snap your beak at the fans, playing it up and hoping they give you water. you stop to pant a little bit- the heat was really getting to you. luckily, a fan notices, and pushes forward with a cup of ice water.

“oscar, may i give your duck some ice water? i’ve seen clips on tiktok where this lady feeds her duck ice water and she seemed to really like it! your duck is looking mighty parched too.” 

oscar quickly nods his head. “go ahead!”

you dip your beak into the water, and snap up as much water as you could. the water tasted crisp and refreshing, and felt oh-so-good going down your throat, cooling down your internal body temperature. 

oscar thanks the fan, then excuses himself from the horde of people. “erm…i’m kind of have to go-” he gestures vaguely towards the redbull motorhome, “ that way… so er yeah, bye!” 

you got your sip of water, so it was time to steal get some for oscar and lando. you hop out of oscar’s arms, flapping your wings as you land gently on the ground. waddling, you enter the redbull hospitality. Immediately, you almost collide a second time with someone. lo and behold, it was none other than checo perez.

“why,” he says pointedly, “is there a duck in here?” 

not stopping to apologize, you run towards the fridge, quacking wildly and tapping your beak against the smooth metal. 

as if he understood you perfectly, he opens the door to the fridge, and pulls out a water bottle. he poors the water into a plastic cup and puts it on the floor in front of you. he gives you a few pats on your back (oscar probably would have strangled checo if he saw him touching you, albeit in duck form) and walks away. quickly, you grab the cup and hop/waddle your way back outside to oscar and lando, handing them the water.

the team garages bustled with energy, as there was around an hour left until the start of the miami grand prix. everyone seemed to have a job- adjusting cameras, typing on computers, and pulling on race suits- except you. slowly, you walk out of the mclaren garage onto the pavement  in front, straightening your orange skirt and top and smoothing down your hair. out of the corner of your eye, you see checo heading your way. you turn a little pale from fear- why was he coming your way? he waves to you, and starts some small talk. 

“hey you know, funny story- you’ll never believe me, but there was a duck in the red bull motorhome earlier today!”

a/n: my first ever fanfic story! i hope y'all liked it :)

[fictionalcharactersaremypassion]

Uncle Mickey's Hair Braiding Adventure

“Franny!” Debbie called, pouring some coffee in a thermos. “Come here so I can do your hair!” Turning back to the pitcher, she said to Mickey, who was seated at the table, “You want some more?” 

“Nah,” he said, shaking his head. “Already had two. Ian’ll have my balls if he sees me have another.” 

“Thought he already had them?” She said idly, a small smirk peeking out. 

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Fuck you and fuck your brother for being in this health kick. If he tries to take me some fucking yoga class, I’ll knock his teeth out and shove them up his ass.” 

“After he shoves his dick into yours?” She said innocently. 

Mickey held up a clear middle finger. 

“Whatever,” she said, unfazed. Taking another mouthful of coffee, she quickly swallowed. “Franny, let’s go!” 

“I’m coming, Mama!” Franny skipped into the kitchen, her hair loose and flying every which way. 

“Sweetie....” Debbie sighed. “Now I have to comb your hair again.” 

“Oops,” Franny said with a giggle. Mickey couldn't help but grin at his adorable niece. 

Debbie didn't think it was so adorable. “Take a seat and I'll be right back, okay?” 

“Okay, Mommy,” Franny watched her go upstairs, immediately barreling into Mickey with a beam. “Hi, Uncle Mickey!” 

“Hi, Franny,” he scooped her up, letting her sit on his knee, one arm around her so she didn't fall off. 

“Mommy says I have to go to school today but I wanna stay with you and Uncle Ian!” She said enthusiastically. “Can I?” 

“You don’t wanna do that, kid,” he had to chuckle at the face she made. “Your Uncle Ian’s real boring. He'll probably make you read or some shit,” he paused. “Or eat broccoli.” 

“Eww!” Franny said loudly. 

“Ay, not so loud,” Mickey tickled her stomach. She squealed, squirming in his lap. “Your boring uncle’s trying to sleep. Don't wanna wake him, okay?” 

Her laughter tapered off, and she leaned back against his chest. “Okay!” 

This was still kind of surreal for him, not just being married to Ian but to have a family that was actually there for each other. Franny meant a lot to him, and it kind of freaked Mickey out at first when she started coming to him for hugs and shit. Wasn’t like he was used to little kids. There’d been Liam when he was much younger but Mickey didn’t interact with him a ton. Back than, his focus was on Ian and ensuring he was cared for. 

Debbie came back down, her footsteps not so light. “Okay, time to do your hair! Do you want one braid or two?” 

Mickey set Franny back onto the floor. But she was frowning, looking back at him. 

“Can Uncle Mickey braid my hair?” She said to her mother instead. She looked between the two of them with big, hopeful eyes. 

“Huh?” Mickey was caught off guard by the request. 

Franny placed her hands on his knee, smiling wide. “Can you braid my hair, Uncle Mickey? Please?” 

“Oh. I don't know how to braid, Franny,” he said apologetically.

“But it's easy,” Franny insisted. “Mommy can show you!” 

“Maybe some other time,” Debbie said gently. “We have to get you ready for school.” 

Franny complied, though noticeably disappointed. 

Wasn't like he ever needed to know how to braid hair. Mandy never did any of that shit. If he did know, Terry would've sooner called him a faggot and shot him in between the eyes than let him do it again. 

It shouldn't have bothered him. But Mickey kept picturing the smile falling off Franny’s face. 

“Got you a burger,” Ian said when he came back to the ambulance, handing the bag off to him. 

Mickey was watching his phone screen intently, trying his hardest to follow along. He didn't see his husband staring at him with raised eyebrows. 

“What are you watching?” Ian said curiously. 

Mickey was too engrossed to answer. 

“Are you watching porn?” There was no answer. “Because if you are, it better not be those guys that kind of look like us. I’m telling you, Mick, it’s weird-” 

“Would you shut the fuck up?” Mickey said, exasperated. Ian stopped, glancing over at him. 

“Sorry...” Ian muttered. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Silence fell over the vehicle. Mickey’s eyes never wavered from his screen, while his husband chewed on his burger and fries. 

Then, suddenly, Mickey slammed his phone on the dashboard in frustration. 

Ian jumped. “The fuck is wrong with you?” 

“Nothing!” Mickey snapped, snatching the bag with his burger, angrily eating it. 

“Right...” Ian said in disbelief. “Okay...” 

Mickey tapped his foot on the floor, impatiently waiting for his brother to pick up. 

Finally, finally Iggy answered groggily. “What the fuck do you want?” 

“Bout time you answered my calls, fuckwad,” Mickey kept his voice down so no one would hear him. It was early in the morning before either of them had to go on rounds for their deliveries. The kitchen was quiet, dim with only the light over the sink on. 

“It’s early, man,” Iggy whined on the other line. “Couldn’t you have called at noon?” 

“No, I couldn’t call at noon,” Mickey sneered. “Need you to do me a favor, Ig.” 

“What kinda favor?” 

“Don’t start askin’ question. Just do what I tell you,” Mickey said through grit teeth. “I need you to get a few things for me.” 

He heard Iggy taking a drink, probably a beer. “Ay, I’ll do what I can but it’ll cost you.” 

“Let’s not forget you still owe me for those joints-” Iggy protested by exclaiming they were a birthday gift, but Mickey cut in. “Consider us even.” 

Mickey refused to blush when Iggy brought the supplies, his face contorted into a bewildered expression. 

“You know I don’t care if you’re gay,” his brother started, “but this going full fag, Mick.” 

He grabbed the bag away from Iggy. “Fuck off.” 

As per usual, his brother didn’t get the hint, always sure to interject his stupidity. “M’serious. Ian know about this? This what you two are plannin’ on doing before you take his dick?” 

Mickey rolled his eyes, looking through the bag to make sure everything was in there. “Get out,” he motioned towards the door. “I don’t want anyone seeing you.” 

But Iggy, as per usual, is hellbent on ignoring his orders. “Where’s my brother-in-law at, anyway? Haven’t seen him for a while.” 

“None of your rucking business, that’s where he’s at,” Mickey shot him a warning look. “Out, Ig.” 

“Ay, I brought you these-” 

Mickey shoved him out before he could finish that sentence. 

It wasn’t like he intended to get caught. But being in the Gallagher household, secrets weren’t always easy to keep. Mickey could only keep his activity up for so long, approximately two hours, because Ian came home from meeting with Larry and caught him in the act. 

The door to their room opened, which Mickey realized he should have locked, and in came Ian, stopping dead in his tracks upon seeing the mannequin heads Mickey was using so he could follow along while watching the videos. 

Neither one of them broke the dead silence at first. They stared at each other, and this was where, in any other circumstances, Mickey would have killed Ian and hid his body where no one would ever find it. 

But he loved the fucker, unfortunately. 

“What is happening?” Ian said slowly. 

“What’s it look like?” Mickey tried to sound indifferent. “I’m learning how to do hair.” 

“...Why?” Ian said, then joked, “planning on growing your hair out?” 

“No, asshole,” Mickey scoffed, dropping his gaze and coughing. “Franny wanted me to braid her hair the other day.” 

“Oh, yeah. Debs mentioned that,” Ian recalled with a smile. Mickey moved one of the mannequin heads so his husband could sit down on the bed. “She said Franny’s been asking her to teach you.” 

“Yeah, well,” Mickey muttered. “Now she don’t have to.” 

Ian smiled as widely as Franny had, leaning in to kiss him. “You’re so damn hot when you’re in uncle mode,” he whispered. 

Mickey was still not used to being complimented like this. He squirmed. “Just don’t wanna disappoint the kid, is all.” 

Ian stared at him for far too long, his expression was tender and it made him even more uneasy. 

“What?” 

“I told you that you weren’t your dad,” Ian kissed his forehead this time. “You’re so much better than him, Mickey, and you don’t even realize it.” 

“It’s just hair, Ian.” 

“It’s not just hair,” Ian shook his head. “You do a lot for Franny. Freddie too. And Liam-” 

“You gonna get to the point anytime soon, Gallagher?” 

Ian continued as if he hadn’t said anything, “I don't think sixteen year old Mickey would have learned how to braid hair to make his niece happy. He wouldn’t drop everything to help his brother-in-law on a project. And he definitely wouldn’t be excited about showing his baby nephew his favorite action movie.” 

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” Mickey muttered, remembering how he’d talked to Freddie the whole time, pointing out all the best parts of the movie. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Ian shrugged, then smiled again. “Mickey, I don’t care if we never have kids. Watching you with them is enough for me.” 

Ian scooted himself beside Mickey, his back against the wall, one arm over his husband to pull him close. 

“Yeah, well the rugrats ain’t so bad,” Mickey leaned in, feeling Ian kiss the top of his head. “Better than your annoying ass was back than.” 

“Don’t forget you wanted my annoying ass.” 

“Pretty sure it was the other way around,” Mickey quipped. 

They sat there, quiet, just basking in the moment. 

“So, you getting any good?” Ian asked conversationally. 

Mickey blew out a breath. “Nah. It’s harder than I thought. Tried following along to this chick’s video and she goes too fucking fast.” 

“Why don’t I watch it with you?” Ian offered. “We’ll follow along together.” 

“Figured you already knew how to do this shit,” Mickey remarked. 

“Nah. Fiona usually did it. Or Lip.” 

“Course Phllip knows how.” 

“He did it whenever Fi was too busy,” Ian said. “Didn’t you or your brothers ever do Mandy’s hair?” 

Mickey gave him a look like he was crazy. 

“Never mind.” 

Ian did as he suggested; with Mickey’s phone they watched endless tutorials together so he’d have a better grasp at it. Both of them worked on the mannequin heads, going for simple hairstyles that they could get the hang of quickly. It was frustrating at first, whenever Mickey would knot the hair up while trying to get it to twist but eventually, he was able to do it flawlessly. 

That night, while laying in bed side-by-side, Ian said, “Franny’s gonna be really happy tomorrow.” 

“Yeah,” Mickey murmured. 

“Hey, Mick?” 

“What?” 

“Where’d you get the heads anyway?” Ian said, curiously. 

When Mickey said nothing, Ian pressed. “Mickey...” 

“I might’ve had Iggy steal them from Tami’s hair salon....” 

Ian just sighed in exasperation. 

“Franny, come down here,” Debbie called up the stairs the next morning. There was no sound, no movement coming up from there at all. “Uncle Mickey’s going to do your hair if you get down here in the next five minutes.” 

Franny came barreling down the stairs. Debbie was muttering Jesus under her breath, rolling her eyes at the whirlwind her daughter created. 

“Morning, Little Red,” Mickey greeted. “You ready?” 

“Yeah!” Franny exclaimed. 

She jumped into the chair, squealing excitedly. Mickey chuckled, and told her she’d have to sit still so he could work. 

Debbie watched them with faint amusement. “If I knew Uncle Mickey was the answer to keeping you still, I would’ve had him doing it a while ago.” 

Mickey flipped her off above her daughter's head. 

[thecapricunt1616]

Sunflower 🌻

Syd x Carmy one-shot

♡ Summary: A/U where after graduating from the CIA at the top of her class, Syd goes on a food tour in NYC & ends up hooking up with the most talented CDC, at the best restaurant in the world.

♡ W/C: 3,434

♡ Posted Date: 04/12/2024

♡ A/N: This is pure filth I tried adding some plot- I hope it turned out the way I saw it in my head. As always requests are open - for SydCarmy, CarmyxReader as usual! I hope you enjoy :)

♡ Warnings for BTC: Smutsmutsmut nsfw 18+ - Oral (m receiving) , Barely edited bc we die like men.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Sydney Adamu had just graduated top of her class at the Culinary Institute of America. She’d been hunkering down with her dad, for a long four years, she was desperate to get out of there. She already had a plan all set up. 

She’d take the last bit of money her grandfather had given her for college, and make a catering business of her very own. It would be dedicated to her parents, (of course) Syd’s hopeless romanticism was thanks to their perfect, beautiful love story of course. She’d known since sophomore year of culinary school - Sheridan Road would be her baby. 

She’d settled on this idea - with any possible odd’s and ends money she’d made during her CIA training - she’d go out for as long as it would last her. She’d learn, study, and observe, then- create her catering business, with the confidence she’d gotten a taste of the very goal she had, a star. Well - three would be absolutely fucking insanity to her- but one? One she felt like if she had it? Her father would believe she was in a real line of work, instead of just happy she was perusing her own happiness. 

It was the perfect plan in her mind. She’d already set aside the amount of money, with extra safety net, for all of the licensures, and documentation she’d need- as well as her commercial kitchen rental she’d make the food out of. Then - with the extra 5k she had left over, she booked a full food tour of the most prestigious, luxurious restaurants in NYC. 

She’d planned the tour 6 months before she graduated, since the 3 restaurants wouldn’t even accept a reservation if it wasn’t made out any later then that, and when she walked the stage, 3 days later she was on the train into the city. 

She’d be staying at a decent hotel for 12 days. Each day, she’d be having one large meal including an app, two main courses, 2 cocktails, and 1 dessert from a Michelin starred restaurant. She would be staying 4 days for 1 star, 4 for 2 stars, and 4 for 3 stars. 

The schedule was as followed; 

Monday - Hirohisa *

Tuesday - Dirt Candy *

Wednesday - The Musket Room *

Thursday - The Red Paper Clip *

Friday - Atera **

Saturday - Jungsik **

Monday - Saga **

Tuesday - Daniel **

Wednesday - Per Se ***

Thursday - Le Bernadin ***

Friday - Masa ***

Saturday - 11 Madison Park ***

When she’d got off at Penn station- she was nearly vibrating with excitement - she quickly brushed passed people grabbing their obnoxious suitcases in the overhead compartments. 

“Sorry! ‘Scuse me! Fuck- shit sorry- exscuse me!!!- whoops! Sorry- scuse me- aah! Ugh- I Didn’t mean to- oop- oh- Jesus!! Excuse me!!” She rambled, frustration building in her chest. Getting off The L wasn’t this hard- why did Amtrak feel worse?!

She took a deep breath, her nose scrunching. 

Mm. So instead of cow shit - smog, I feel at home already. 

She’d thought to herself as she briskly walks with the crowd towards the exit she meant to take onto fifth. 

She slipped her wired headphones into her ears, texting her father 

‘made it!! Love you daddy!!’

Before opening her Spotify, hitting one of her comfort albums, Broken Clocks, as she walked briskly outside - the crisp city air hitting her like a ton of bricks. 

She leaned against the brick of the McDonald’s next door, avoiding the streams of people going down and up the sidewalk, taking a deep breath. She’d not been to New York before, she’d grown up in Chicago- been to the city more times then she can count, but the suburbs were her home. Being in the city- and let alone- a city like Manhattan versus Chicago- she was looking around, trying to gather her wits - and quickly.  She clicked the maps application on her iPhone 7, tugging her umbrella out of the water bottle pocket of her backpack and tucking it under her arm as she typed the address to her hotel and clicking for the walking directions.

It honestly kind of pissed her off that each day’s food was better than the last. She’d wanted to not give a shit about stars and just focus on giving people an experience to remember - but it was cut & dry that now that she’d tasted this kind of food - she was going to do whatever she could to become as talented as the chefs that made it. 

But - she hadn’t even tried the best yet. 

The best, the best, THE best. 

She honestly couldn’t believe she was going to be trying the food from Eleven Madison Park - but she couldn’t help but be so nervous. Every other Michelin starred restaurant she’d been to - the dress code was Formal attire. But this one? THE best restaurant in the fucking world? Oh- they just say on their website ‘many of our guests dress up for the occasion, but we do not have a dress code’  

Her entire trip, She’d been cycling through 2 very different floor length gowns. One of which she wore to her graduation, and the other she’d found at Windsor on sale but it did the job. She didn’t wear luxury attire often, okay? She was too busy being Culinary school for Christ sakes! And tonight she couldn’t for the life of her choose which one she’d wear. 

This being because she was attending a main dining room tasting, which was ten courses. Easy, luxury dining courses were stupidly small. But- she was also trying their bar tasting menu which was an extra four courses. Sitting at a bar in that stupid fluffy dress for two hours would not be comfortable. But- again- best. restaurant. in. the. WORLD!!! 

She knew for a fact that she would be mad at herself if she got there and everyone around was dressed to the nines, but - for comfortability sake she went with the simple silken red gown. 

The front of house service was literally perfect. She was glad she’d brought a new notebook, because she’d never have had enough space to take all the notes she was taking tonight in the one she’d been using the majority of the trip. Their staff was very casually mannered, and they made it very easy to order. Everything was very calm and comfortable, the furniture felt very luxurious in the sense of comfortability. 

After she just had the best meal of her entire life, she knew she had to speak with the person who made it. Her mind was blown for lack of a better word. The food was fucking incredible. She had a rule to keep herself able to taste as much as possible: she was only allowed one bite of each dish, but here- she couldn’t just limit herself to one. Each dish she was taking 2 even 3 bites- but when she got to the sunflower dish? It was brilliant. She finished every bite, she couldn’t not. It would be sinful to waste it. And the only thing on her mind was that she had to talk to the chef who’d made it.

Her waiter comes back to her table, giving her back her card and receipt. 

“Thank you for dining with us this evening, have a wonderful night” he told her 

“Thank you- Um- may I speak with the chef who made the sunflower plate please? I’d like to pay my compliments in person if possible.” She asked hopefully. 

“Of course, that would be Chef Carmen- give me just a moment I’ll go get him for you” he nodded and headed back to the kitchen. She looked over her notes, remembering the questions she’d wanted to ask about the dish. 

Carmen, she wondered if he’d been named after the saint. His talent was surely straight from the hands of the Mother of Christ. 

Shes interrupted from writing in her notebook by a husky, silvery voice 

“Excuse me- I was told you’d like to speak to me, I’m Chef Carmen, I made your sunflower dish this evening.” 

“Hey- I’m Sydney - that dish was- ” she stood up to face him- and when she realized who was in front of her, her heart began to race. Of course, she’d thought, of course - only a JBA contestant could come up with a dish so ingenious.

 “Oh- um…Hi.. Hello- you’re like -” she blinked a few times, in utter shock. “You’re Carmen Berzatto“ She swallowed thickly. 

Sydney was obsessed with this industry- she stalked the JBA website every year to see who would be nominated, dreaming that some day she’d be on that list. Being even nominated would allow her to die happily feeling as if she’d won a fucking Nobel Prize. That was how much she respected those damn awards. 

“I am” he said and cleared his throat nervously. 

“Well- firstly congratulations on your nomination- you like- if it was up to me you’d win because that sunflower dish was-” they’re interrupted by one of the food runners coming over 

“Chef Carmen- Chef Daemon requests you in back of house now.” she said urgently, the girl looked like she was on the brink of tears as she continued taking the tray of food over to the table it was meant for. 

“So sorry, i’d love to hear what you have to say but uh…” he trailed off. 

“Yeah- yeah- sorry, sorry I wont keep you-” she said and he shook his head a bit 

“No- no- um… I mean -” he wouldnt usually be so bold, but his ass was going to literally be kicked if he didnt get back there in the next 5 seconds. “I’m gonna go out for a smoke at 11:15. If you wanted to keep talkin’ ill be there” he said before heading back to the kitchen.

Sydney was nearly shaking - there were so so many things she wanted to ask him. She also realized he was much - infinitely hotter in person - how that was even possible? She remained unsure. She had reapplied her lipgloss and her perfume, nervously pacing back and forth along the sidewalk. 

She hears the back door open and she looked over, out emerging the greek god incarnate she somehow got so lucky as to run in to tonight. “Hey!” she said with her famous warm smile. 

He didnt return it, actually- he looked pissed. She swallowed thickly, rubbing her lips together nervously “Hey - sorry again I uh- fuckin’ boss” he muttered, fishing his cigarettes out of his pocket. 

“No- don’t apologize please, I totally get it. I mean, you're the CDC at literally the best restaurant in the world. I wouldn’t have bugged you if I knew, I mean- my table, like- I’m not a critic..I guess I should have clarified cause of the notebook thing but they usually are more…low key? I thought? Do they usually just come and whip out a notebook? That would make it easier I think… But nonetheless I’m so so grateful to have been able to eat a meal that-“ she rambled on anxiously but he stops her.

“You talk when y’nervous” he said with a small smirk, lighting the cigarette between his lips and inhaling, leaning against the brick.

“Uh-” she stuttered, her face feeling hot suddenly. “Sorry- I’ve uh… i’ve been told” she chuckled a bit, taking a few steps towards him and leaning on the brick only 2 feet or so between them.

“It’s charming, y’smoke?” he offered her the pack with a red top, she looked down at it.

“I don’t- not- not yet anyways” she joked, crossing a slim arm over her waist. He couldn't help but realize how the action made her breasts more prominent. 

“You’re a chef?” he asked, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Yes! Yes- well.. Just graduated, not working anywhere yet- I’m going home soon to try and start my own catering thing…” she explained and he nodded.

“Where’d y’graduate from?” he asked, exhaling the smoke away from her direction.

“CIA - 2 weeks ago, Valedictorian actually, y’not the only chef around here with street cred” she joked and he chuckled.

“Really? Word. Thats sick, good job. Y’said y’re headed home? Where’s that?” he asked, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“Chicago! Can’t wait to get back, Hudson life is… not for me- I forgot how convenient public transportation was” she said. 

He raised his brows in surprise, “Chicago huh? Thats my old home base.” he said 

“I know! You’re actually… really famous did you know that? Like- they talk all about you during lectures, you’re the new golden child of the culinary world” she teased and he rolled his eyes playfully.

They’d been inching closer and closer without realizing throughout the whole conversation, she was now so close that she could see the barely there scar on his cheek, her focus locked on it. His gaze was locked on her plump lips and he was imagining how they’d feel around his cock.

“I do unfortunately - you’ll learn soon enough that praise means being a target in this industry.” He said 

She bit her lip, meeting his striking blue eyes once again. “I really meant to tell you earlier was that sunflower dish was the best meal i’ve ever had. And i’m not just…sucking your dick because you’re you - I knew that before I knew you made it” she laughed a bit.

He followed suit, “Well if you want to- i’m not gonna say no.” he said and her eyes widened a bit, feeling her core pooling with heat at the idea. Of course he was half joking. It was so sudden and out there he would have never expected her to indulge him. 

“I mean- here? What if your boss comes out?” she asked, a bit quieter as if she was trying to assure they’d not be caught.

He nodded towards the row of 12-wheeler trucks parked 50 or so feet away. “Haven’t moved in 6 weeks” he shrugged casually  “Lead the way Chef”  she motioned with her hand, a frisky smirk on her lips.

“Holy fuuuck” Carmy groaned, pushing his cock deeper into her tight hot mouth. “Y’like takin cock like this mmm? Y’like bein’ my little fuckin slut?” he muttered, thumbing away the warm tear that was gathering in the corner of her right eye. “So fuckin’ good f’me-” he growled, moaning at the wet gurgling noises emitting from her.

She swallowed around him, looking up at him with tear-filled dark lustful brown eyes, widening her jaw further and tonguing over the pulsing vein on the underside of his length, gently squeezing his thighs to urge him further. 

“Y’want me t’fuck y’throat? Mmm? Dirty fuckin girl” he gathered her braids into his fist, wrapping them around his palm and roughly tugging her off. 

She whined hotly, the sensation of his rough hand sending waves of pleasure through her being. “Please” she said wantingly, tonguing over his slit before wrapping her lips around the tip of his head in a sensual kiss.

He took his thumb, pulling her jaw open wide and thrusting into her mouth with a satisfied grunt. “Y’know-shhhit y’know what? I think this is the only way t’shut y’ass up? Mmm?” he inhales sharply as she pushed his foreskin back and spit on his exposed sensitive tip.

“Jesus fuckin-” he sharply inhaled through his teeth as she gently grazed her teeth over the sensitive head, his abs clenching in pleasure and hips quivering from the overstimulation “fuckin-h-aaaa-ahhh-mm-shhhhit-jesus fuckin christ” he whimpered, his head falling back against the metal with a sharp bang as she took the flesh into her mouth, flicking her tongue sharply over the weeping tip before smoothly sucking over the buzzing stimulation. He knew if she kept up the act he’d be filling her mouth with his seed within seconds.

“S-sooo fuckin filthy - y’want my cum in y’throat? Mmm? Little fuckin whore- h-holy-oh god- i-” he nearly suffocated her as he buried his cock further down her throat. He reached down, his fingers rubbing along his thick length buried in her warm tight throat. 

“F-fuuuuuck- ah- oh shhh- mmm- thats it- thaaaaaat’s it- good fuckin girl” he grumbled, roughly and sloppily guiding her head in such a way that the noises being made if it weren’t her he would think theyre overdramatic and disgusting. He also didn’t know where the hell all of this talking was coming from. 

Normally in the bedroom, he was quiet. Very quiet. The only way the women he was with knew he’d enjoyed himself was if he even came at all. Sex usually wasn’t about his own pleasure since in the presence of another he found it so hard to get off - it was more about giving him imagery that would help him later in regards to finishing. 

“You are so fuckin good at that huh? You take my cock so well such a good fuckin girl” his jaw goes slack as she put her hands on his hips to steady him and slowly sinks her mouth all the way down to the hilt, her eyes shut in focus. 

She gently rubbed her thumbs over his hips, swallowing around his length in a way that made whimpers fall past his lips he didn’t know he could make himself. “Holy shit y’fuckin- oh- ohhh fuck” he grunts as she takes one of her hands and begins massaging his balls and looking directly into his eyes, pulling off his length to breathe and gently pushing the foreskin back, kissing over the sensitive flesh with her plump lips. 

“You can fuck my face- but deepthroating after a meal like that is pretty hard, id love if I can keep it down” she said, even with spit running down her chin, teary eyes, and swollen lips - she still looked adorable to him. 

“Sorry- sorry” he muttered, loosening his grip on her hair “keep doin’ that fuck yesss” he breathed out as she swirled her tongue around his head. He thrust in and out of her mouth, gradually moving faster but being careful as to not slam into the back of her throat. 

She stroked the bottom half of his length with her other hand, eyes closing and doing her best to swallow around him all the excess saliva that was dripping down her throat. She hollowed out her cheeks, looking up at him as she slowly and carefully sunk down once again, keeping her eyes locked on his. 

“Mmm-shhhit-I’m fuckin-“ he groaned, his knees nearly going weak and head falling back with a thud. Blood roared in his ears, his hands shook slightly from the tension rolling off him in waves. 

She nearly choked at the amount rolling down her throat. She pulled off slightly, swallowing - more like gulping, assuring to hollow her cheeks and swirl her tongue as she pulled off with a pop as to not waste any of the sweet salty mess. 

“You- you- you are fuckin crazy” he breathed, looking down at her. 

She wiped off her mouth, chin, and neck with a tissue she’d kept in her purse before saying “I’d say you’re crazy, “ she got off her knees, picking up the chefs coat he had thrown down for her to kneel on, to which she insided it out before she did so it wouldn’t show any dirt. “If I had that coat? It would never touch the floor” she shook it off carefully. 

He quickly fixed his pants “he’s a friend it doesn’t matter I can always get a new one” he countered, putting the coat back on and buttoning it. 

Her eyes widened “friends?! How the hell did you run into him?!” She asked. 

“You- y’re into fashion ‘n shit?” He asked and she nodded enthusiastically 

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Thom Browne is insane all his shit Is absolute fire. I wish I could afford one of his jackets like- it’s totally a dream wishlist kinda thing” she took some gum out of her purse. 

“When do you uh…go back?” He asked. 

“Tomorrow. Headed to Chicago on Wednesday” she said and he nods. 

“Oh- yeah okay..It was uh…it was nice t’meet you” he said awkwardly “I should probably um..” he trailed off, clearing his throat nervously.

“Totally- yeah great to um…great to meet you too chef.” She nodded 

“Could I um…” he rubs the back of his neck anxiously “could I maybe get y’r…” he trails off, cheeks pink with embarrassment. 

“My number?” She asked, grabbing her phone out of her purse. 

He nodded, cheeks bright red with embarrassment “yeah sorry-“ he mumbled

“Yeah- if I can get yours” she teased, clicking open the blank contact screen

[nugatorysheep]

Wip Title Game

Tagged by @novantinuum

Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs

I am not tagging 50 million people so @extranuts @flaretheskywing @dragonuva @roseetube post some WIP titles cowards

I have several docs that are just meant to be informative that I'm not listing because there's not much to talk about with them, and a TON of unfinished art that is like pre 2022 that will def not get done ever so its been yeeted into my Untouchables folder and also isn't listed here lmao

For convenience, I've taken out any duplicate files that are the same thing but in a different format

As you can see I have three brands of naming conventions for my files: Objective, Boring Name that just Is What It Is, Song Title and/or Lyric, and Shit Post Cause I Was Tired

Lord help me I have SO many WIPS

(Non-Informational) Writing Wips:

Bad End FOM Fic Beguiler of Wills Burning despair does ache Chapter 9: What does it matter how my heart breaks Drabbles Druidbreak Ficlet FOM WIP Doc Glimpses of life denial WIP IDK what to call this but yeah IEOE stuff idk Intermission XXX: Separate Ways Intermission XXX - Last moments of pure recall Intermission XXX - Look in my eyes she still holds the power Intermission XXX - The way ahead feels lonely Intermission XXX - Loss of want back there Pit AU - Editing Prism R&C Soundtrack Breakdown Six Forty Seven Slug it out Tell Me Something Good

Art Wips (I have a million of these):

[shoves hand in abdomen for the symbolism or some shit].clip ask.psd Axel Sketches.clip baneful bunker.png beat up boys.clip Beyond Bliss Gems Lineup.clip Bliss rose stuff for later.clip break the bank.clip chompers.png Connverse dump.clip Cupid dump.clip Druid x Sven x Sonny.clip Dryad sketches.clip EINF Steven.clip evil boi.clip evil leo doodles.clip Eye contact.clip Fab fly floret.clip failure 01.clip Frame of Mind Sketchbook.clip Fusion Chart.clip gay as fuck to be a test subject. what are you testing, your capacity for homosexual desires.clip (this is one long ass title lol) goober.clip Haven't you noticed I'm a star.clip He can say it cause i said so.clip he yeeteth and yoinknth away.clip HEARTBREAK SPINEL REF.clip homie rolled a nat one on genetics fr.clip HONEY REF.clip i am so fucking hungry bro imma make noodles 1.png (there's 4 it's a comic) I have made a new boy.clip Illustration (2).clip Illustration (3).clip Illustration.clip Illustration2 (2).clip Illustration2.clip Inner Demons.clip it triggered his flight or fight response.clip Karma Sketchbook.clip lazer_eyes-3A4E6.clip Lemme tell you what it's like to be a Zero.clip Loss Dot Jaypeg.png me.clip Mermay HB.clip mermay.clip MINOTUAR MAN.clip mirror_gem_designs.clip ML Stevonnie.clip munchmunch.clip Nova Artfight 2.clip Now that it's raining more than ever.clip old man lizard.clip oops all pain lol.clip open arms.clip Pasture crew.clip rare dizzy art.clip Real.mdp Ref wips.clip Sarkhan's Dragonfire.clip Save a horse ride a cowboy.clip Say that again i dare you.clip Screenshot 2023-09-23 001021.png Senkywenky.clip SFW Sketchbook.clip ShatteredStar.clip Show off those guns.clip Slugman the second coming.clip Snaps and snarls.clip so what's the point of holding tight onto my feet.clip Soap.clip some mtg quote.clip Space faggot.clip spongebob window meme.clip Starnheim_Unleashed.psd STEVEN ON LION.clip SU AU Battle Cuts.clip SUDF page redraw.clip Suneater.clip SUTREK.clip Take A Breath.clip Talking to Myself Redraw 1.clip (there are several of these it's a comic) THE SUN IS GETTING LOW.clip THERE IS NO MANA IN THIS AIR.clip they love each other.clip this was supposed to be shoes idk what happened.png Throwing boys at the wall to see what sticks.clip Tourmaline.clip Tower of boys.clip Trolls bullshit.clip tumblr bait purple rabbit man but the lame version [springtrap did it better].clip uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit idk.clip Union of Love.clip wahho.clip Welcome to the grid user.clip Welcome to the grid user.png Will you be satified.clip wip 02.clip You're MINE.clip zoo doodles.clip ZOOLOGY GEMS REF TWO.clip

[cringedropsaloon]

Part two of the creepy ass event

this part is where it get particularly dark

(sdv 1.6 spoilers under the cut)

SEE WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!

Pam has Catholic guilt

ALEEEX :(((

SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID IT GOT DARK

EVELYN NOOOOOO!!!

WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S SO SAD!!! OMG!!!

At least George is comforting her... In his own weird... Boomer type of way :')

Of course

OF COURSE THIS MAN DOESN'T CARE THAT HIS WIFE IS UPSET.

THERE'S WEIRD GREEN RAIN OUTSIDE AND YOUR WIFE IS UPSET AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS MONEY

I hope his fingers fall off from all the penny pinching

I think it's sweet that Sebastian is worried about Robin here! Also you get free access to Sebastian's room in this event to see the dialogue which is nice :)

OOP—

DEMETRIUUUUUUUSSS!!!

This man don't deserve Robin, shoulda let me wife her up instead ✋🏾🙄

I was expecting Linus to be inside his text, but this man ain't never give a shit fr

This really tall stalk shocked me when I first saw it!!! It's actually a giant fiddlehead fern!!! Breaking it gives you a TON of ferns! It's so cool!!!

There's also dialogue for after the storm ends with some NPCs!

Good God I'm glad Evelyn's feeling better, that dialogue was SO SAD JESUS

Pierre I'm gonna punch you

HAHA THIS FACE SPRITE.

Good for you Linus, good for you.

But actually, I did get a "moss seed' from this event!

It lets the rare trees you see during the rain grow. I hope I get a giant fern, that would be so beautiful on my farm!!!

Welp

That's it from me

If anyone besides my bf is reading this, hi!!! Thanks for reading all the way through!

This was wild but fun!

I hope there's more stuff like this awaiting me in the update!!! So fucking cool!!!

[bixbythemartian]

so, a couple of times in my life, I've gotten job as a low end writer who did basically some level of those seo blog posts/website stuff- a job I loathed, because it was absolutely garbage pay and they expected very specific results (I was making less than minimum wage doing this a lot of the time), and I knew it was contributing to the enshittification of the internet, which was kind of soul crushing.

I did it two separate times in my life, and both times they sucked.

but both times I did this particular job, I wasn't allowed to make claims without citing sources.

There was some content control, someone read everything I wrote. And as frustrating as some of the feedback was- especially when it was clear the thing I wrote was too interesting and unique- it's much more frustrating now, in retrospect, when a quick internet search leads me to tons of fucking incomprehensibly written garbage documents that are clearly vomited predictive text 'ai' crap.

Like we were not paid enough for the work we did, and honestly could have done better stuff if given more leeway to do fun and interesting stuff around the topic, which probably would have been better for people selling tin roofs or mushroom growing kits or whatever. The editors were DEFINITELY not paid enough, either, but also the rules about writing those articles were really frustrating and also not specific- like it was one of those 'I know it when I see it' things, which meant you would have to make judgment calls, and if you fucked up so many times you were just out. You know?

But there was some quality control. I know I had one or two stories sent back because the links I provided didn't back up the claims I made. (Oops! Usually this was because I knew enough about the subject to not need to do research and had skimmed the source and assume it mentioned Thing.)

This wasn't, by the way, all web content ever- there was then and always has been extremely barely comprehensible shit written just to grab SEO tags and throw garbage links into, this isn't new! But with AI it's gotten just SO much more prevalent and harder to avoid.

[jennyandvastraflint]

Xena Reactions S2Ep2

A RIVERRRR

"After all, it's a family thing" Gabrielle is her familyyy

GABRIELLE RIDES CLINGING TO XENAAA

the maiden, the mother, and the crone

"Xena, it's not your fault" T_T

She kebab'd that guy

I know you, you're Xena yes we all know Xena my guy

UHOH. Does she know him? Yeah it is harder when you look at their dead faces, not hidden behind masks

THE THREE FACES OF FATE

"Spill but a drop of blood and it all changes back"

"As a warrior, you can't."

Oh shit. EVERYTHING changed back, from the beginning. From back before she lost him. But she lost Gabrielle now...

She looks so DOMESTIC

Awww, she appyyy

Uuuuhhh.... NOPE DID NOT WANT TO SEE THAT

Ooooh, this is a Name of the Doctor situation where every one of Xena's victories never happened. So instead, a ton of people she would've helped are suffering...

Who...? I don't know this guy

OH HER MUM IS DEAD :c

"I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted that boy's life back."

"The hardest part is losing you and Gabrielle." AAAAAA I AM NOT CRYING YOU ARE

The world is very much nOT a better place without Xena to protect it

Ooooh, they realise something's going on...

Oh no, soldiers being shitteyy

"Good thinking" she's trying to do it peacefully.

GABRIELLE

Xena is SHOOKETH

She seems very uncomfortable...

"Gabri-" AAAAA

"You've gotta go along to get along. That's how the world works."

Argh, this hurts...

AHAHAHA SHE MADE THE DOG LICK THE BREAD

She getting information about when they leave

NOOO THE AMAZONS DEAD OR ENSLAVED...

"It's not your fault the world's the way it is" hhhhhhmmmm...

She hid in hayyy

Sdjdhd a bag of wine

She'll try to get Gabrielle out isn't she

"Yeah I remember. You tried to buy me." OUCH

NOOOOO

I'm trying so hard not to make a comparison to Planetoid 50 audio... Because it's killing Xena that Gabrielle isn't like she knows her

Oh she's fighting without blood...

SHE GOT GABRIELLE OUTTTT <3

"You're right though, there's a reason I'm doing this. You remind me of my friend." AAAA

"The purest, the kindest person I've ever known."

*cough* "Break this enchantment, my love, and remember." *cough*

GABRIELLE MY BABYGIRL I LOVE U SO MUCH 😭😭😭

FUCK THIS GUY. EW. DISGUSTING. I HATE THIS SHITHEAD.

Now they're all locked up :(((

Xena don't you see you're losing everything

"I'd rather die fighting these bastards than live with myself if I don't" ough...

GABRIELLE IS CRYING NOOOO 😭

"If it wasn't for you I'd have never been free again"

"You gave me hope" GABRIELLE SHE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HER

Did whatshisface sneak in to free them. Yes.

YAYYY FREE GABRIELLE and the brother

Maybe these two bois should kiss

Oop the brother runs to be a hero... He's gonna die either way.

I'm guessing her brother will be mortally injured, she draws a small cut later, and everything reverts.

"Where are your table manners" KICK

If she made someone's nose bleed

HOLY SHIT GABRIELLE STABBED HIM

SHE'S BACKKKK, And she saved the boy

It's her brother's token

AAWWWW SHE HOLDS HERRRRRR 🥺

They're so cute 💕🥰

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

Hey :) does anyone have a lpmg spn series fic to binge that you recommend?

Could be a Sam or Dean or Cas fic I don't mind

That could happen in the world of spn but it isn't a show rewrite

Thanks <3

I'm gonna make some assumptions, and if I'm wrong, you're gonna have to send me another ask to clarify. First, I'm guessing that lmpg is a typo and is meant to be long. Second, I'm assuming you're looking for reader inserts and not ship fics. Third, I'm going to assume that you are okay with poly fics, because I hate to choose just one member of TFW, and poly fics are all the bee's erogenous zones, not just the bee's knees. Finally, I'm pretty sure you want canon-compliant fics, not AUs. If any of these assumptions are wrong, send me another ask and I'll change my answers!

Looking for canon-compliant (or at least, world-compliant) epic tales with awesome reader-insert characters who fall in bed (and sometimes in love) with various members of Team Free Will, sometimes all of them. I'll start with my own masterlist because it's what I'm most familiar with. 🤣

Cracker Jack Prize - 87k words - My first ever piece of fiction, and it shows. Not a reader insert, but it reads like one (2nd person POV). Myka gets with everyone in this one! It's very Mary Sue, and it's formatted poorly on AO3, but it has my favorite Cas smut scene I ever wrote.

Oasis - 46k words - My answer to the question, "After Cas freaks out the hooker at the den of iniquity, how would YOU get him to relax and seduce him?" No Sam lovin' in this one, but some super hot Dean, and a threesome scene! (A little dubcon in one scene.)

A Woman of Letters (Getting a Feel For Sam Winchester) - 70k words - After Oasis, I needed some Sam lovin'. And some angst, apparently.

Third Wheel - 64k words - This comes closest to a series rewrite, as it closely follows season 6. I challenged myself to write a fuck ton of fucking. Soulless Sam helped. And then Dean got involved.

Those are all of my epic TFW fics. If you also like John, I've got two more epic tales involving him. Except for one AU fic (Priest!Cas with some Sam on the side - another long fic)), everything else in my masterlist is also canon-compliant, just shorter. 🤣

I tried to search my blog for fics, but discovered that I don't have a tag for series, sadly. So, I went through my AO3 bookmarks. Here are a couple fics from other folks:

Toil and Trouble by @littlegreenplasticsoldier - 70k words - Dean x Reader - It's Cat!Dean and a psychic connection. Need I say more? So much angst and pining and silly Dean as a cat. He knows how to weaponize his ability to lick his own butt. 🤣 (Honestly, just binge-read all of Ally's stuff. It's SO WORTH IT!!)

From The Wreckage by @sp-oops - 22k words - Destiel x reader - I love all of Sp-oops's Destiel x Reader stuff, and I wish there was more of it!!! Set in episode 12x01, with flashbacks to 11x23 and Dean going off to kill Amara.

Collared by @spnexploration - 40 chapters, so it's a long one - Dean x reader - A witch turned you into a mindless slave. Dean and Sam save you.

Tattered by @stusbunker - 11 chapters - Dean x reader, Sam x reader, A/B/O - So much angst!!! Adding the A/B/O world to canon stuff just makes it all so angsty!! And smutty!

I just went looking for Not Unless Sam Says by @spectaculacularsammy and discovered that both the writer and the fic are completely gone and I'm crushed. I'm off to go cry about how the world is a much worse place because of this loss. 😭😭😭

If I think of any others, I'll come back and add them, In the meantime, maybe someone else can add some? I know I'm forgetting some that are here on Tumblr because my brain is Swiss cheese.

[bahamutgames]

ENCHANTED AFTERTHOUGHTS

Game: Enchanted Arms (January 12, 2006)

Console: Xbox 360

Rough day so far. Trying to unwind a little bit by taking care of some non-work related stuff. So I figure this is the perfect time to talk about Enchanted Arms! I beat this game on the first of September, but even 5 days later I can't stop thinking about it. There's something really special about this game and I want to be the one to tell YOU why you should check it out... Although maybe not cause I'll be talking about some spoilers I guess. Oops.

As always, this isn't a review yadda yadda ect ect. I'm just spilling my thoughts about how I felt from playing through it. Not meant to be a guide for if you should play, it's just me talking about video games. Always try ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I talk about here if it interests you at all.

SOME ENCHANTED ARMS SPOILERS AHEAD, IF YOU EVEN CARE U_U

Opening

I'm not 100% sure how I found out about this game. It was on youtube I believe. Either a video for underrated or bad RPGs I genuinely cannot recall lol. But I remember thinking it actually looked really cool! And last year I managed to find a copy for under $10 on ebay and decided, hey why the heck not? And gave it a shot. I made slow progress on it through August but FINALLY managed to wrap it up in September. Like I said earlier, I haven't stopped thinking about it since. It's a janky little game but I think it's a special game too.

Stuff I liked

So, first and foremost. This is an XBOX 360 JRPG. Which is a very odd era for turnbased RPGs to exist in just in general. They tend to be kinda janky and feel a little cheap in some ways? But this just makes them extremely charming in my opinion. They're so few and far in between on 7th generation consoles but ESPECIALLY 360. So I find them all to be extremely charming in spite of their flaws. And this applies to Enchanted Arms as well. All the weirdness and jank just kinda makes it more endearing.

You play as Atsuma, a hot blooded anime-protagonist type guy (who is also an honorary edgy badboy made in a lab! You love to see it.) As he goes on a quest to save his 2 best friends who vanished after a powerful devil golems is freed. He meets new friends and discovers a lot about himself while finding a way to save the world. Kinda basic stuff but the story does manage to do some VERY interesting things. It has a big moral on relying on others, not doing things alone, sticking to what you believe in no matter what, but also some tougher stuff like when helping others just becomes about helping yourself, ect ect. It's a lot of themes I really love and love seeing tackled and I think Enchanted Arms really does a good job with a lot of the ideas! I really loved seeing how the 4 main teammates grow and come to really trust each other. And I thought the whole finale and concept of Infinity was SUPER cool. Infinity was such a freaky and interesting final boss. And while I won't spoil it completely, the way you kill him was very cool.

The characters are certainly a high point in my opinion. Again, I LOVE Atsuma. I'm a huge sucker for protagonists and he has pretty much everything I love. Stupid? Check. Edgy badboy made in a lab? Check. Happy-go-lucky? Check. Has to do some soul searching through the game? Check. Evil fucked up arm that does crazy shit he can't explain? Check check check! But the other characters are good too! I liked Karin is a little annoying but generally I'd say her mean attitude is funny more than it is off putting. Plus the cooking scene was very good. Raigar is cool and I used him a TON during the game. And Yuki is hilarious, she may have been one of the funniest next to Atsuma. And they all have great chemistry, I loved how they tease each other but also help and comfort each other. It's a small party but I think focusing on just 4 teammates really helped the game out in the long run!

Even other things like just the world concept. The lore behind the golem wars is cool, I like the different city concepts and how they're based on real world locations. And even small world building details like how everyone hates Atsuma at school, to the point where there's an afterschool club for hating on him. Or how everyone loves Toya. There's neat concepts like a girl in another city who knows Atsuma, but you don't really know her unless you actually read the tie in comic. There's small world building stuff like that, which you'd expect from an RPG probably. But still! It's neat!

Outside of just the story, the gameplay is really interesting. The overworld is pretty standard walking around dungeons type stuff. But in combat is where it gets really interesting. It's turnbased, but rather than being just regular turnbased combat, it has strategy elements infused into it. So you actually move your characters around a grid, and your attacks only attack certain tiles on the enemy grid (if you've ever played Ikenfell, it's VERY similar to that!) So fights require a little bit more strategy and thinking than just mashing through them. Even basic enemy encounters can topple you if you're not playing smart. While this can make some encounters a total pain, believe me, ultimately I think it benefits the game more than hurts it.

And its not just the combat itself that's unique. The way stats work and characters upgrade is pretty interesting. You have all the usual stats and level ups you'd expect. But where most of your stat increases come from is actually a skill currency you get from battles that you can spend on upgrading stats or learning new moves. It's interesting! And allows you to customize your team how you see fit to match your playstyle! Which is nice! There's some other stuff like friendship points, combos, and overdrive attacks. But I'll be perfectly honest, I never got a grasp on what these were lol. But I think they all play into eachother and helping you build meter for super powerful EX attacks?

And then, something that kinda surprised me about this game. It has a small monster collection aspect to it? As you progress you can find golems to fight in the overworld who will join your team if you beat them, as well as golems you can buy from shops to join you. Golems act as additional teammates who all have their own unique attacks with unique tile layouts they can hit. You can also upgrade them with their skillpoints uniquely. So while they don't learn new skills, they can still be useful and serve to help fill holes in your team composition. For example, I got HUGE use out of the first golem you get in the story, Taigalion, because they can power up 2 teammates without having to waste those teammates turns. Or Eternity, a later game golem, who could use Gravity on some bosses to help me cheese the fights. It's neat!

Outside of all that? I'd say the highlights are the graphics and especially the music! The graphics aren't AMAZING but sometimes I think they can look REALLY good. Particularly in the environments! The Ice Castle, the Marsh, the Woods, even just the overworld field all look INCREDIBLE in my opinion! And relistening to the OST now, it's SO good! I forgot how many good songs were in this. Towards Reconstruction, Day at the Academy, and Reborn are all good ones. And the final boss theme was so haunting. And there's more I could praise about the visuals like the cool menu designs, that equipment shows up on your character (which is always a plus) and how cool all the different golems can look! But I think it might be time to move on!

Stuff I didn't like

Yeah it's not perfect. Starting with smaller stuff, there's a bit to be desired on the characters. Reading the manga that came with the game made me really wish they had opted for a more anime look for the humans than the slightly more realistic approach the game has.

And while I DO like the outfits of the main 4 teammates for the most part. I think Raigar's outfit is a little weird. And Makoto (we'll get to him) and Toya, Atsuma's 2 best friends, are just totally dripless. Toya mostly just cause of his rat tail, a better hair cut to fix it. But Makoto. He wears clogs what more do I gotta say?

Okay I'll go into it really quick cause Makoto is kind of a mess. He's a huge homophobic stereotype, I think having a gay teammates RULES! And having him be in love with another team mate is great. But now like this. He's the one with the blonde hair + exposed midriff on the right on the bottom image if you wanna go peek. But he's like, almost a sexual harasser in some ways and he's ABSOLUTELY played as like "ew gross he's GAY zomg 0_o" Even having a stereotype gay voice and GENUINELY saying "YAAAAAAAAAAAS" super high pitched during some of his attacks which is... So nuts that anyone thought this was a good idea. Spoilers but he returns later in the game with a new disguise that's supposed to be straight but has his chest fully exposed revealing a big scar. You failed this so hard, FromSoftware. Like. How? How did you fuck this up?

ANYWAY! outside of that there's some smaller gripes like the voice acting being not super great. Again a lot of the human designs are kinda meh. Stuff like that. But I think I really need to wrap this up by complaining about some serious gameplay issues I have.

So first off, the golems are totally underused. Once I got 4 teammates I VERY rarely found myself ever pulling out my golems again. Which is a shame cause that's such a big mechanic. While I don't totally mind I think being able to upgrade and customize the golems further would have made me care about them in the second act of the game. But even if I were still using them by that point, I doubt I would have been able to OBTAIN much more. I tried to get every golem I found in the overworld. But partway through the game the fights just become such bullshit. ALWAYS letting the golems go first, then wipe your team with instakill attacks. It's so stupid. So a lot of the golems got left behind in my playthrough anyway.

Then there's the gravity status. This becomes less of an issue later when Karin learns a status ailment curing move. But Gravity is a status ailment that means you can no longer move on the grid. EVER AGAIN. Unless you can cure yourself, status ailments never go away. Meaning if someone gets hit by gravity, even an enemy, they are STUCK until they die. Which is great cause it lets you cheese some fights if you get a boss stuck where they can't hit you. But if that happens to you? You're done! Game over!

But where this game really struggles is with balancing. Some fights are INSANELY easy. Letting you breeze through them with no issues. While some fights are insane slogs that take FOREVER to finish. Some big examples are 1-on-1 fights, which usually devolve into whoever goes first (which is ALWAYS the enemy in these cases) winning so you just have to spam health items. But there are more specific cases of weird balancing too. Such as the Warlord of Earth who randomly deals INSANE damage and takes minimal damage themselves. Dragging the fight out FOREVER. Or the first of 8 (YES 8) final boss phases which can only be hit by Atsuma but also instakills Atsuma? So I had to go grind in the fucking casino for HOURS just to build up the money to buy him enough skill points to raise his health high enough to survive that stupid instakill attack (I did 3000 but people were suggesting 7000 hp. It takes FOREVER to do the casino grind by the way. I won't describe it here but good lord.) And it'll always be just for stupid little reasons that you get totally knee capped during a fight like this. It's frustrating. You wanna save your money for weapons and skills but ultimately you kinda need to spend tons of money on items just to be able to survive tons of bullshit.

Now I will say, for all the bullshit with balancing and just roadblocking you with bullshit. Enchanted Arms does a good job at making sure the enemies play the same game as you. Which is something a lot of games struggle to do. Enemies are all susceptible to status ailments, even most bosses. Enemies ALSO have to manage how many attacks they can do before they must recharge like you do. They're susceptible to the same weaknesses you are. Which is nice. Again a lot of games don't do that. But Enchanted Arms does which makes the game just that tiny bit easier thankfully.

I have some other complaints, like, it's an expensive ass game to clear. Requiring TONS of money to buy everything you need, which leads me to believe the casino is required in a weird way which sucks. Or how there's a weakness system but it kind of makes no sense? (If you're weak to something, it means they're also weak to YOU so it's kind of pointless imo). Or the insane amount of tutorials the game tries to give you which ALL devolve into "go here, press A. Done." It's actually more insane than a Mario & Luigi game lmao. But I think we're done here.

Final Thoughts

As I kept writing more and more things to praise and criticize just kept popping into my brain! There's just SO much to say about Enchanted Arms. I'm kind of shocked. There were times I genuinely wanted to snap the disc in half. But now that all is said and done. I really can't help but look back on the adventure fondly. I still feel like I have more to say. I feel like this game is weirdly influential but no one realizes it cause no one played it. I feel like it's such a good game and deserves more attention (IT WAS REMOVED FROM THE XBOX STORE BOOOOO BRING IT BACK) but at the same time it is a clunky game with a lot of short comings. But I still liked it a lot! I'dunno! It's a game that gave me a lot to think about and I think I'll be thinking about it for a long time coming.

At this point I've played 4 Xbox 360 JRPGs. Blue Dragon, Lost Odyssey, Enchanted Arms, and Tales of Vesperia (which I played the Definitive Version but still it started as a 360 game lol) and honestly excluding Lost Odyssey which I hated despite popular opinion. They've all been VERY good. Even Lost Odyssey had high points when it wanted to. So I'm honestly kind of tempted to try and track down and play every 360 JRPG I can get my hands on. Again, it's just a fascinating era for a genre I love. We'll see!

===

Thank you for reading! This one feels SO messy but my brain is so filled with this game that I really had to write about it and get it out of my head aha. I appreciate you even just skimming through or even just scrolling all the way to the bottom. Look, if you clicked the link, I appreciate it, okay?

I'm having a rough day at the moment, but honestly I'm so fed up and used to "the bullshit" as it were that I'm genuinely struggling to build up the emotions needed to be upset about the constant downpour of nonstop bullshit that keeps happening to me. So I'll just take that as a good sign and just try to ignore it. What happened can be fixed for a fee but like, GOD DAMN why do I ALWAYS have to do such massive clean ups for things just arbitrarily happening to me.

ANYWAY sorry to vent on gaming tumblr. I'm just a little heated like the Hot Blooded Atsuma! Am I right fellow Enchanters? (That's what we Enchanted Arms fans call ourselves.) Well, anyway. As always, you're welcome to follow me on twitter where I talk more about games I'm currently playing and thinking about!

That's all I got for you today! Go out and play a hidden gem!

[nightfallsystem]

Nightfallsystem - Main blog. Plural System. cringe asf autistic and chronic pain haver. giant isopod enthusiast.

READ MY DNI AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST!!!

IF I FOLLOW U / REBLOG FROM U RANDOMLY / ACT LIKE WE'RE MUTUALS U PROBABLY FOLLOWED/INTERACTED ON MY BLOG @qiekz OR @qiekzart

‼️hi guys if ur reading this during october 2023 plz check out @qiekzart rn im doing a thing ✨✨

Check out my etsy plzzz :333 i post adoptables !!

My name is Qiekz, my pronouns are it/its, please use my actual preferred pronouns. For your DNI purposes please know I'm 14 ^_^ also no nsfw interaction or you will fucking die!! im also learning japanese! (please send help.... im dying..... grahh.. ive gone too far to quit its kind of my curse now.)

what to expect from this blog? random shit, this is my personal blog. there may be vents and rants (tagged as #vent and #rant respectively) there may be random shit there will be so many reblogs.

i try to add ids when i can into the alt text, though i have chronic pain so sometimes im too tired to, sorry

Special interests: Giant isopods, Yugioh 💀💀

interests: TBHK, manga and anime, servals, marine animals, suicide boy (critical of it...), made in abyss, (critical of it...) , japanese language ,, ... i forgor

FEEL FREE (i encourage you to!) TAG ME IN SHIT ABOUT MY INTERESTS!!! esp yugioh im really autistic about it o my god

#autistic about this thing tag <- will be me tagging shit im really autistic about!!

not really in discourse anymore other than transgender stuff so if you try to drag me into discourse ill drag you into the pits of hell. i fucking hate syscourse so much.

If i am not speaking and another system member is, the post will be tagged as "- [name]". I tag common triggers, flashing lights and eyestrain, etc, these will be tagged as "TW [topic]". also JSYK i block a fuck ton of people so like, yeah, I block anyone for any reason I want. I will also not unblock you. unless youre liek my friend or smth.

We have so many fictives sooo,, source list: TBHK, Omori, OneShot, Wolf Song the Movie (yknow, that one on youtube.), yugioh..... </3 .. sourcemates r cool to interact n stuff feel free to send an ask im just shy...

anon hate MUST be original no lame "kys" or "[slur]". i will judge you. try better. try harder. get good. if you send anon hate i will judge it and rate it out of 10 so please try your best.

i am weirdo fictionkin heres the list: hooni from suicide boy yayy,, faputa from made in abyss ( I FUCKING HATE THE SORUCE FOR BEING SO WEIRD OMFG AHGHH),, jolteon from pokemon. . im weird and fuckd up . much prefer if u dont rlly seperate me from me in sources. cuz i just am me. sorry. ig. just refer to me as me . thank you

I am critical of all of my interests!!

or more just i hate them agh just be normal omfgggg crying sobbing

if you wanna avoid a common trigger its most likely tagged #tw [topic]. i also tag eyestrain and flashing lights but usually i just tag it as "#eyestrain" or "#flashing". tbh i unfortunately cant be trusted to remember to tag any other specific trigger because of bad memory. i wont tag reclaimed slurs but i will tag slurs used in a mean way

Please do not DM me unless you actually really need to. Send me an ask if you want to DM me and specify that you want it answered privately if you want. but i AM UNCOMFY WITH DMS. unless we're friends or i DMed you first. otherwise i place a curse on you I MUCH prefer asks over DMs

Sideblog list

@omori-addict

@oops-all-traumacore (TW TRAUMACORE)

@sunnymogai (inactive)

@hellhoundmutt (inactive)

@sunnymogai2 (inactive)

@qiekz (EYESTRAIN + FLASHING TW please block if you are affected by that please)

@qiekzart

@tsukasabrainrot

alter blog 4 tasma:

@tazmahell

@tazmaboxed

DNI:

Anti plural, pluralphobe, anti endo, sysmed, against created alters/etc, "dont believe in systems",

Proship, condone or support posting any sexual stuff that includes a child, lolicon/shotacon/etc, someone purposely meant to look like a child, cub.

LGBTQphobic, transmed, transphobe/homophobe/biphobe/panphobe/etc, 'super straight'/variants, anti-ace inclusion, anti-aro inclusion, anti a-spec inclusion, aphobes, anti mspec lesbian/gay/etc, stelliophobic, anti lesboy/turigirl/etc, anti any good faith queer identity, anti neopronouns, anti xenogender, anti mogai.

Ableist, support autism speaks, think "narc abuse" is a thing/demonise people with any disorder including NPD, infantalise people with disorders/disabilities/etc, post/support on subreddits like r/fakedisordercringe or r/systemscringe, use the term "Aspergers" / describe urself as an "aspie" (Hans Asperger was a nazi who killed many disabled people, so shut the fuck up.)

Racist, cultural appropriators.

Radqueers, trans-id/transX, transrace/trace (not adoptee term), support the term transplural, pro-contact/contact-complex/contact-neutral for harmful paraphillia, sway people away from getting help for harmful paraphillia, MAP/Pedo/zoo/necro. (also transspecies is ok if its not used in a transX way)

Fujoshi/variants. fetishize mlm/wlw, etc.

Against traumacore / vent art.

Have minors on ur DNI (no offense im just a minor lol), NSFW-Focused blog

Post stolen art (includes AI images) / trace art without consent

other stuff is im neutral on factkin or kff tbh. and i think id rather stay neutral on tulpas as a term. i just dont fucking care. i dont involve myself in syscourse anymore, i might post more endogenic positivity later but id rather not due to the rampant harassment and infighting in the system community.

[silentreigns]

Actually while we're on this topic, can we mention Daniel and his fans' reactions about him punting Yuki off track — oop I meant "overtaking Yuki" — in Mexico last year? Because that was some hardcore microaggressions against Yuki and nobody ever recognizes it.

Daniel had similar incidents with Magnussen (twice last year) and Sainz. Both got apologies from him immediately after the race, he took accountability for all of those incidents in the media after the race.

He punts Yuki's car off the track trying to overtake him. He doesn't apologize. Claims he does nothing wrong, despite the FIA giving him a penalty for this exact incident. Essentially argues that Yuki was to blame because he was on faster tires so Yuki should have just let him through (embarrassing argument from a literal race car driver to begin with, he's on a better tire strategy and still can't overtake a slower car?). So, Yuki, the only person of an underrepresented race and ethnicity that Daniel has an incident with in 2022, is also the only driver he refuses to apologize to or take accountability for ruining their race. The ONLY one.

Then we get to his fans' reactions. He's voted Driver of the Day for essentially doing nothing but being put on an optimal strategy (new softs while quite literally everyone in front of him was on used hards), and nearly fucks that up almost as soon as his team initiates it by crashing into Yuki. Immediately, there's tons of memes and jokes about how "it was worth sacrificing Yuki for Daniel to get his confidence back." Much like what's happening now, NOBODY recognizes Yuki or what a race he was having up until Daniel fucked it up; instead, Daniel is hailed a hero for essentially doing nothing but being unable to safely overtake a car on an inferior tire strategy.

Personally, I'm really looking forward to Daniel getting some karma and Yuki getting the last laugh here. That race and Daniel and his fans' behavior left a sour taste in my mouth, and I know there's quite a few other Yuki fans who took notice of their behavior then too. (There were also quite a few racist attacks from Dan fans after Daniel blamed Yuki and played victim as per usual in the media too, so buckle up, we're in for a LONG rest of the season).

The Mexican gp 2022 was one of the few races last year that I remember clearly. But I remember it for all of the wrong reasons, because the actual race was boring as hell. RedBull and Mercedes were so far ahead of Ferrari, but Ferrari was so ahead of the midfield that there weren't that many overtakes. ~50 laps had gone by and nobody had DNF'ed yet. That was until Daniel collided with Yuki and got a 10 second penalty. And then Daniel overtook Esteban and everyone was cheering for him like he was on the podium or something like that. Just look at the interactions of the tweet I linked 🤥

Looking back at it, it was very fucked up that people were essentially cheering this nonsense on. I am like 90% sure I was happy for Daniel at the time too, and I wish I could have told my past self that taking a driver out and proceeding to do a "cool" overtake aren't things to celebrate. Barely anyone acknowledged Yuki not being able to finish the race, and he was like close to the points (he was like p11 and had a better weekend than Pierre but all that goes away when someone takes you out through no fault of your own).

Doesn't help that in the next race at Brazil he took out Kevin for a careless mistake in the first lap, after Kevin just had one of the best race weekends of his career by taking pole for the first time. The Brazil incident was very anticlimactic and shows that he wasn't in good form, racing wise. I don't remember how people reacted to his Brazil DNF, but I can assure you they were more sympathetic towards Daniel than to Yuki.

[ot3]

so i see you tweet sometimes about gw2 and im just curious about your thoughts on it like, plot wise.

i think the story of early guild wars is pretty par for the course mmo storytelling where im paying mostly superficial attention to the plot and mainly enjoying how fun the game is. but around the time you get to heart of thorns they start introducing enough interesting concepts that you decide its worth paying slightly more attention to.

there was a huge problem in the way guild wars 2's narrative flowed because of the way they handled the living world stuff. i love the living world in concept when it was unreplayable because its just neat to me to be able to take such large story beats in an mmo. where you literally nuke your entire main city and change its appearance. but i appreciate the fact they decided to retroactively let you play that stuff in the end! however making it, in the case of living world season 2, optional to buy, but then not also doing lws1 in the same way? it just meant that you got the story non completely and non sequentially. if you just go straight to core from HoT you have to do soooo much Inferring Shit About This Plot from it. It's like your character blacked out and lost several years of their life. 'hello? commander? its us. the guys who are totally already your best friends'

anyway once i got through HoT then i found myself going back to lws2 specifically to unlock the luminescent armor and the respective ascended trinkets since back pre-lws3 the only stat selectable ascended trinkets were from raids, i believe. and then once again it was really interesting to get the map meta-events recontexualized to me from going through the story. and then after that i was invested enough in these characters to go watch the howeverlong supercut lws1 movie someone had on youtube for anyone who hadnt been there to play through it.

all this to say i think there was a lot of interesting story stuff here that would have helped hook more people earlier on if it had been freely available to play in its intended order. anyway

hot: i feel like it benefitted a TON from playing through this on a sylvari pc the first time because the custom dialogue they give that taints it like all of the npcs are suspicious you are going to fucking turn evil. like the sort of 'youre the coolest strongest character in the world!' stuff never really does it for me. i'm way more into 'youre a very powerful person in an extremely fraught and complex political situation' and HoT really felt a lot more like that, with i think it doing a good job of setting the mood for being In An Active Warzone. i like dragons stand meta a lot in terms of things where gameplay really makes the story hit in a certain way. the challenging, large-scale metas make a better multiplayer use of a high fantasy war shining than a lot of them do. getting events that genuinely do take several dozen real human beings coordinating in real time to accomplish makes there be a sense of difficulty and scale that would be rather punishing and frustrating as instanced single player combat.

i know i kind of talked more a bout the combat than the story. oops. but to me the sort of positive feedback loop between getting more invested in playing the actual game and then getting more invested in learning about the characters to continue to future expansions.

I wish I could speak more about lws3 and PoF but i will be real with you right now. those years of my life are kind of a blur and i do not remember a lot of the story beats right now. lws4 felt pretty weak to me in a lot of ways, pretty disparate from itself. PoF though i had a hell of a fun time with. joko was a fun villain he was serving necromantic cunt.

lws4 was ok. definitely more cohesive overall and had some cool stuff. lws5 i think on the other hand really suffered from a bit of covid slump in its content which i will absolutely not blame them for. I would much rather they put out slightly subpar content during a massive health crisis than they overwork people.

CANTHA, ON THE OTHER HAND. WAS EXCELLENT. DEFINITELY THEIR BEST STORY WRITING YET. i had a blast of a time with it and i was specifically fond of what they did with mai trin, a character i was well acquainted with via getting my ass kicked in her fractal back when she was scale 100. they gave her some INSANE dyke drama. it was catnip to me. she fucked that asura they had toxic yuri i knowww they did. kelly hu did her voice for EoD, who i immediately clocked as stacy from phineas and ferb and was as such predisposed to be endeared to her. also who doesnt love an ex supervillain pirate captain. mai trin you will always be famous.

anyway. that is my extnesive opinion on the plot of guild wars 2. great game everyone play it i have over 3000 hours in guild wars 2.

[pesterloglog]

Gamzee Makara, John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Jake English, Jade Harley

Candy, page 15

GAMZEE: OoOpS mOtHeRfUcKeRs.

JOHN: oops???

ROXY: its fine gamz

ROXY: accidents happen

ROXY: um

ROXY: hey thx everyone for joining me today

ROXY: wow now that im up here its like

ROXY: idk

ROXY: i have no idea what to say

ROXY: and i guess thats cuz there IS nothing to say

ROXY: theres no words to describe how i felt about dirk strider

ROXY: and even tho he left a note that had hella words in it

ROXY: they might as well have been sayin nothing

ROXY: which is just like dirk i guess

ROXY: to leave us with a load of bullshit and no idea why he did what he did

ROXY: so im just gonna say that

ROXY: im glad that he was in my life

ROXY: and give it over to someone whos way more eloquent than me

DAVE: hey guys

DAVE: wanna apologize in advance cuz this is about to get a lil real

DAVE: realer than that three quarters of a corpse im standing about two feet from right now

DAVE: i mean i totally hate to ruin everyones mood on a day where weve gathered to think deep thoughts about how one of us just went and fucking offed themselves

DAVE: not like were gonna be stumbling through our lives constantly experiencing intrusive thoughts about this specific event or anything

DAVE: hey remember what our good pal dirk looked like with no head

DAVE: p hard to forget since getting decapitated was like his third favorite hobby

DAVE: so its not so much the body thats the problem but the sorta

DAVE: existential realization of finality i guess

DAVE: though i aint gonna lie the bodys starting to stink

DAVE: sorry all that shit i just said was a load of absolute bull meant to deflect from the fact that im pretty shook about this

DAVE: i used to do that a lot

DAVE: like basically every time i opened my mouth

DAVE: most of you know this but i had a kinda shitty childhood

DAVE: not gonna go into details but

DAVE: long story short it was technically my good ol bro-dad heres fault

DAVE: not this specific version of him

DAVE: the one i grew up with was a

DAVE: a

DAVE: he was

DAVE: he was just an absolute bastard no offense to the dead

DAVE: yeah ok sure he taught me a ton of shit that if were being generous was in theory useful

DAVE: but he didnt give a single solitary shit about raising a well adjusted kid

DAVE: or

DAVE: raising a kid in general

DAVE: i was more like his disciple

DAVE: and all that mattered was his grand design or wtf ever

DAVE: and i know dirk struggled with

DAVE: you know

DAVE: the idea that he could eventually become that kind of person

DAVE: or even worse that he was somehow cosmically fated to become that person no matter what he wanted or did to prevent it

DAVE: thats prolly how he managed to off himself in the first place considering how the mechanics of god tier works

DAVE: maybe hed been struggling with that the whole time weve been here on earth c

DAVE: who knows with him

DAVE: he was always so inside his own head i cant even imagine what insane train of thought led him to decide that this was his only option

DAVE: but i dont think hed want us beating ourselves up about it

DAVE: or torturing ourselves trying to figure out what it fucking meant

DAVE: esp jake jane and roxy

DAVE: he loved you guys and wouldnt do anything to hurt you

DAVE: well not intentionally i mean

DAVE: anyway all that shit about my bro

DAVE: im over that

DAVE: like as much as you can get over it

DAVE: theres a subconscious response to certain stimuli you cant exactly rewire

DAVE: but the conscious part of my brain is all like

DAVE: shit dude

DAVE: i feel great

DAVE: wtf is hypervigilance??

DAVE: i love being alive and having all these friends who care about me and dont beat the shit out of me every day of my life

DAVE: etc

DAVE: and part of thats cause i got to be friends with dirk

DAVE: it was great getting to know this rad version of my childhood guardian who wasnt completely batshit insane

DAVE: and like just chill with him

DAVE: shoot the shit and freestyle or debate dumb crap without it being a federal fucking issue

DAVE: and more than that he treated me like i was on the level with him

DAVE: he let me give him shit for being a pretentious blowhard every day of his life

DAVE: which i did

DAVE: but despite that i

DAVE: i looked up to him

DAVE: the way i always felt like i should have been looking up to my bro

DAVE: the way i WANTED to look up to my bro but couldnt

DAVE: dirk taught me so much shit i didnt know i needed from him

DAVE: i mean picking up dirks opinions was unavoidable if you ever hung out with him considering he never shut his fucking mouth

DAVE: but im glad he didnt

DAVE: he taught me about combat

DAVE: philosophy

DAVE: life

DAVE: and im sure had he not killed himself the literal day i was finally gonna ask him romantic advice

DAVE: he wouldve taught me about love too

DAVE: so in the end

DAVE: i really got no idea how the fuck im supposed to feel right now

DAVE: but thats probably ok right

DAVE: like its ok

DAVE: to not know how to feel when someone dies

DAVE: its ok to not have all the answers

DAVE: i wish dirk were still alive so i could tell him that

DAVE: but hes not

DAVE: so

DAVE: i guess thats all i got to say about that

ROXY: anyone else have a eulogy theyd like to give

ROXY: i think the best way we can honor dirks memory at this point

ROXY: is to spew an untold number of words into the void

ROXY: as many as we fuckin can

GAMZEE: WhAt’S uP oN tHiS mOsT rIgHtEoUs AnD fRoWnY Of DaYs My BiTcHeS. :’o(

KARKAT: OH MY GOD

KARKAT: NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY, GAMZEE.

GAMZEE: HaHaHaHa YoU sTiLl GoT iT bRoThEr.

GAMZEE: mY mOtHeRfUcKeR oF cOmEdY’s In ThA pRaYbLoCk! ThAt MiRtHfUl NoIsE yOu HoLlEr StIlL sLaPs My MaNg.

KARKAT: IT’S NOT A FUCKING JOKE.

GAMZEE: NiNjAs AnD gEnTlEhOeS!

GAMZEE: We GaThEr Up At ThIs ShRiNe Of WoRsHiP tO wHaTeVeR fAlSe IdOlS oR mEsSiAhS tHeSe HoMiEs GeT tHeIr DeVoTiOn On FoR.

GAMZEE: BuT tHaT’s Ok, BeCaUsE wE’rE mOtHeRfUcKiN uNiFiEd ToDaY, nO mAtTeR wHaT oUr BaD aNd DiFfErEnT bElIeFs SaY aT uS tO oUr PiEtY pAnS.

GAMZEE: We CoMe In CeLeBrAtIoN oF tHe LiFe! :o)

GAMZEE: aNd DeAtH. :o(

GAMZEE: Of ThE oNe AnD oNlY, a TrUlY cHoIcE pIeCe Of MaN-bItCh WhAt WhOm I hArDlY eVeR kNeW:

GAMZEE: tHe DiRkStEr.

KARKAT: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

GAMZEE: ThEn, YoU mIgHt Be Up AnD wOnDeRiNg, WhAt PlAcE hAvE i GoT aLl OrAtInG oN tHe SuBjEcT oF tHe LeGeNd Of ThIs FiNe FeLlOw?

GAMZEE: tHaT’s A gOoD qUeStIoN mY mIrThFuL bRoThErS.

GAMZEE: i MaY nOt Be AlL uP aNd LeArNeD aBoUt HiS lIfE, bUt I’vE gOt DeEp SpIrItAl CoNnEcTiOnS tO hIs DeAtH.

GAMZEE: It JuSt So HaPpEnEd ThAt FaTe BrOuGhT mE tO hIs DoOrStEp On ThE vErY dAy ThAt He WeNt AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg ChOkEd It OfF aT tHe NeCk.

GAMZEE: oNe Of ThE mOsT sPiRiTuAlLy AwAkEnInG mOmEnTs In My LiFe...

GAMZEE: In SuCh A sHoRt TiMe He TaUgHt Me So MuCh.

GAMZEE: ThIs WaS nO cOiNcIdEnCe. It WaS a HiGhEr PoWeR gUiDiNg My PaTh.

GAMZEE: tHeSe PoWeRs MaDe SuRe ThAt I wOuLd Be ThErE, tO rEcEiVe A gReAt WaRrIoR’s FiNaL mEsSaGe, AnD rElAy It To YoU oN tHiS dArK aNd DrEaRy DaY oF dEaTh.

GAMZEE: HoNk!

GAMZEE: AwWw, ShIzZ. i GuEsS i’Ve GoT tO uP aNd WiNg It!

GAMZEE: YoU eVeR wAkE uP aNd SiT dOwN tO dRoP a FaT oNe In ThE lOaD gApEr, BuT yOuR fLeSh BoDy JuSt AiN’t ReAdY tO gO aNd DoOk It OuT yEt?

GAMZEE: tHaT’s WhAt LiFe WaS lIkE fOr ThE d-MaN.

GAMZEE: A mAn BoRn WiTh A pUrPoSe. A pLaN.

GAMZEE: bUt ThE wIcKeD wAyS oF tHiS wOrLd StOlE tHaT aWaY fRoM hIm...

ROXY: WOW WASNT THAT GREAT FOLKS!

ROXY: WOW JUST WOW I KNEW THIS GUY WOULDNT LET US DOWN

ROXY: BRAVO!!! DAMN I FEEL LIKE IF I NEVER HEARD ANOTHER WORD THIS GUY EVER SAID THATD BE FINE BECAUSE THAT WAS ALL JUST SO *PERFECT*

ROXY: ANYTHING MORE WOULD ONLY DAMPEN THIS PERFECT MEMORY HE GAVE US!

ROXY: TAKE A BOW GAMZEE AND THEN OH YEAH THE EXITS THAT WAY!

GAMZEE: hOoOoOoOoOnK.

ROXY: (hey dude can u get up there and say somethin as like...)

ROXY: (a palate cleanser?)

JAKE: Gulp! Uh...

ROXY: (he was your best bro! come on man surely u got somethin in ur heart to say)

JAKE: Oh... Okay.

ROXY: hay everybody its jakes turn!

ROXY: hes got a few words hed like to say about our dear departed buddy

JOHN: (oh for fuck’s sake.)

JOHN: uhh, hi guys!

DAVE: hey

KARKAT: I SEE THAT EVEN YOU COULDN’T BEAR GAMZEE’S ASININE, BRUTAL AND 100% NONCONSENSUAL ASSAULT ON YOUR LISTEN CRATERS, AND ALSO THE BASIC DECENCY WHICH SAPIENT BEINGS APPARENTLY OWE TO ONE ANOTHER ON THIS PLANET.

JOHN: no, um, actually i listened to the entire thing.

JOHN: i have no idea why i did that. now i have this whole memory in my head that i could have definitely lived without.

JOHN: i was just worried... because you didn’t come back.

JOHN: dave, are you ok?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: well no

DAVE: but its ok to not be ok about this specific thing i think

DAVE: so for once i think im having like

DAVE: a totally unironically normal emotional reaction to a thing

DAVE: which loops around back to being ok

DAVE: in fact im probs the okayest ive ever been objectively

JOHN: are you SURE?

KARKAT: THAT WAS HALF A HUNDRED WORDS TO EXPRESS A THREE LETTER SENTIMENT.

KARKAT: I’D SAY HE’S DOING FINE.

JOHN: hmm.

JOHN: because i was thinking...

JOHN: do you... want me to go back?

DAVE: go

DAVE: back??

JOHN: with my retcon powers.

JOHN: i could go back and stop him.

DAVE: dude

KARKAT: JOHN!

JOHN: what!

KARKAT: DO YOU NOT HAVE AN INCH OF GODDAMN SENSE IN THAT THICK FUCKING SKULL OF YOURS?

JOHN: what!!!

DAVE: john

DAVE: come on what are my powers

JOHN: ummm... time travel?

DAVE: so you dont think i wouldve already done that if i thought it was a good idea

JOHN: well ok yeah, obviously.

JOHN: but if you DID do it we wouldn’t even know right now because it would’ve just made a new timeline where dirk didn’t kill himself. that’s how time travel works, right?

DAVE: ehhh well actually

JOHN: but!

JOHN: if i retcon it...

JOHN: then it’s like it never even happened!

JOHN: we wouldn’t have had this horrible funeral at all.

DAVE: i dunno dude thats

DAVE: a little fucked up actually

JOHN: you think so?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy

DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did

DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision

DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy

JOHN: huh. i... didn’t think about it that way.

JADE: dave!!! roxys wondering where you are

DAVE: oh yeah be right there

JADE: what about you karkat? you coming??

KARKAT: YES! GOD!

KARKAT: CAN’T A MAN STAND ON A MOIST AND DREARY PIECE OF RELIGIOUS PROPERTY TO HELP CONSOLE HIS MAIN BRO?!

KARKAT: JESUS FUCK, GOD FORBID WE UPSET THE CAREFULLY ORCHESTRATED FUNERAL PROGRAMMING WHICH JUST FEATURED A SEGMENT WHEREIN A DEEPLY UNPOPULAR CLOWN PISSED HIMSELF IN FRONT OF THE CLAMORING PAPARAZZI!

JADE: oh lord... you dumb baby

JADE: karkat it looks to ME like youre the one third wheeling dave and johns poignant brotimes

JADE: so why dont you get your butt on over here???

KARKAT: ARGH... FINE!

DAVE: john

DAVE: i get what you were trying to do

DAVE: but

DAVE: its ok dude

DAVE: im ok

JOHN: that’s weird...

JOHN: it was working just the other day.

ROXY: lmao john its just me

ROXY: doin ok up there b?

JOHN: i’m fine!!!

JOHN: wait. b?

ROXY: yea like short for babe

ROXY: cuz ur my babe b

JOHN: oh, haha. right.

ROXY: is dave ok?

JOHN: yeah, i guess.

JOHN: ...

JOHN: are YOU okay?

ROXY: yea

ROXY: yea

ROXY: actually

ROXY: im more than ok

ROXY: cause ive been thinking

JOHN: oh?

ROXY: about you n me

ROXY: and this

ROXY: hey john

ROXY: we should get hitched

JOHN: ummmmmm...

JOHN: um...

JOHN: ...what???

ROXY: um what WHAT?

ROXY: john cmon

ROXY: marry me

JOHN: like...

JOHN: right NOW?

ROXY: lmao totes

ROXY: were already at the church n everything

JOHN: o-oh my god.

JOHN: oh my god!

ROXY: john

JOHN: oh my god, are you serious??

ROXY: no LOL

ROXY: john u take everything so literally

ROXY: its fuckin adorbs

JOHN: is that... why you want to marry me?

ROXY: yea

ROXY: im off the charts with all my jokes n shit

ROXY: and i gotta even all that out

ROXY: with this like HUGE helping of clueless nerd :)

JOHN: roxy...

ROXY: ok but lets be serious here moment

ROXY: i actually do love that youre so earnest

ROXY: its cute as fuck and also

ROXY: i always know where i stand with you

JOHN: roxy...

ROXY: sides this whole

ROXY: THING with dirk

ROXY: its made me realize that even though were immortal

ROXY: were not necessarily gonna live forever

ROXY: lifes too short not to spend every moment with the one u love

JOHN: you...

JOHN: LOVE me??

ROXY: yea john i love you

ROXY: wanna marry u and spend the rest of my life with u and pop out a bunch of cute lil buck toothed babies with you

JOHN: oh, uh. haha, wow. roxy that’s um.

JOHN: that’s a LOT.

ROXY: well you dont gotta answer rn

ROXY: just know its on the table

JOHN: i...

JOHN: i...

JOHN: ok.

JOHN: ok, let’s... let’s do it!

ROXY: ooo u want to do it??

JOHN: yeah!

JOHN: er... i mean...

JOHN: um, yeah. that too.

JOHN: but i meant...

JOHN: about the getting married thing.

JOHN: let’s... do that!

JOHN: let’s totally get married!!

ROXY: omg

ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

[vanoefucks]

ok u want some for el u get some for el! for good, friendship, past, exit, first, future (sorry i rly like the last ones oops jksfhksjfas)

thank u browse!!

For Good: Is there anyone in your OC's life who had an undeniable positive impact on who they are as a person? How did knowing this person improve your OC's life?

It would probably be Roe!! They met a couple of years prior to the events of the game and she is one of his few close friends. The two met at his father's estate one night when el was storming out of the place. El had just decided to cut off all ties with his father & was dealing with a lot and Roe was able to keep him afloat. She's the one person to know who his father is and stayed with him as he tried to rebuild his life after he broke things off with his buisness partner. If he hadn't met Roe El would've fucked off to the forest where he grew up and found himself living a very isolated life that he probably wouldn't have wanted to continue so he owes her a lot. more than that though the two get on well and for once he hs a friend that isn't worried about using him for gold or his connections seeing as she has enough of her own. when they're reunited it lifts his mood a ton and gives him another reason to get the job done

Friendship: What's your OC like as a friend? How are they at making new friends? What are the most important friendships in your OC's life?

El is a good friend to those who earn it! He protects those he cares for and will do almost anything for the people he calls a friend but he's learnt the hard way that he can be too quick to trust. He's often loyal to a fault which is something he learned the hard way and has fallen victim to his friend's own ambitions in the past, enabling them to take advantage of him. He would've called the inner circle of his crew true friends until they betrayed him for some coin and power but now he has Roe & Brandy As the game goes on he slowly becomes cloest with Astarion + Shadowheart. he puts up a shield and lets the others think that they know the real him, the others aren't privy to his whole story until they reach the city.

Past: Does your OC have any past partners? How did the relationship(s) end? Are any of their exes still in their life, and if so, do they get along?

he has one (loser)! Zyl who was the brother of his ex buisness partner (Vana) . The guardian takes a form similar to the both of them as they were twins. (this wasnt fun for el to see and is very ??? to think abt when u remember el fucks the emperor in this form)

The two kept their relationship secret and somehow did for almost a decade, not wanting to complicate work but in the end it fell apart when El was betrayed. he only knew who to blame thanks to Zyl who told him and gave him info on where to find Vana. They broke up around 2 years prior to the game & as far as El knows Zyl is still somewhere in the city.

Exit: Has your OC ever had someone important leave their life in a way that was unremarkable, unintentional, or clumsy? How do they feel about it? Is there any chance they'll meet again?

Think this can be about Zyl again. Their breakup was a very quick thing. The moment Zyl told El that Vana was the one who framed him Zyl asked if it was the end of them. El said yes and left soon after that. El never tried to go looking for him after they said their goodbyes and saw him as a part of a time in his life he wanted to be over. El doesn't hold many negative feelings for Zyl but merely sees it as something that wasn't meant to work out. He realised that he didn't even really fight to keep the relationship going. It was just something that was never going to last. I might have them meet again once the group reach the city but there are others el's going to reunite with first.

First: Has your OC ever been the one to leave first? Why did they go, and who did they leave behind? Do they regret it?

The day El was taken by the mindflayers he had left Roe after an arugment. it was their biggest fight since meeting and the first time el had left something unresolved between them. it started over nothing and blew up into a huge fight that had both of them throwing things. at one point Roe used magic and El said enough was enough and left Roe's estate without another word. El didn't even get time to think about the fight until he had crashed on the beach. he spent most of his downtime over the next few days worrying about Roe and if she was safe as he was taken close to her house. it made him watch his temper but didn't stop him from snapping at the group when he got wound up. He doesnt enjoy being angry and if possible gets it out through fighting but when hes pushed over the edge its nasty and he tends to run before he does something he cant fix.

Future: Is there anyone your OC is looking forward to meeting or to seeing again? Who? What might that meeting or reunion look like?

He wants to see Brandy again. especially after finding out more about shadowheart & the shar scene in the city. as far as he knows she's still in the city but he'll end up finding her at last light. Brandy actively tries to sabotage their attempts at fixing the land surrounding moonrise and after shadowheart spares Aylin, Brandy leaves the group. El doesnt find her again until the confrontation at the sharran cloister. He also wants to pay his father a visit. because with his amount of near death experiences hes done with letting what his fathers done to him slide. at the very least he wants to have a go at the man. its not gonna go well!!

[trenchcoatsbi]

I cant remember how I felt but I think the entire clipped wings is cannon which is AWFUL because they basically took our ability to fly and I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it must be if they tied up our wings its basically like tying up your hands or smth it probably was very uncomfortable {:T

Someone headcanonned how bobby (my little egg child :DDD) would pick up my feathers and try to fix my wings because he knows how upset I was (and probably still am) for the entire clipped wings situation

Which I think its really sweet <333 I really miss my poor son :(( I hope he is around there somewhere I am glad to know he was probably the happiest egg on that forsaken island even after his death

I think I would just pick him up and smother him in forehead kisses and tons of affection a lot of people said how he was pretty much a mama's boy because he acted very different around me (he picked up a lot of humming birds because I liked them and gifted them to me <3)

Oop I didn't meant that to be me only talking how much I love my son FBFBFBFH damm now I am acting like my papa (quackity)

-(cannon divergent llulah anon) jaiden qsmp⭑

-

lmao Bobby sounds really sweet though, it's understandable for ya to talk about him. The only reason I am not constantly shoving stuff about how much I love my kids in everyone's faces is the fact that I just torment my discord friends with my brainrot about them lol.

Anyway ragh uhm yeah clipped wings suck. i fucking hated it when it happened to me but that's an entire mess I can't get into :/

[2bu]

least favorite things about roleplaying communities, in your opinion?

Throwing under the cut because oops I began to rant

I'm sure I've answered this before, but I really do loathe snobs and bullies, especially when they've formed a clique.

This has always been a thing since roleplaying was invented, I'm sure, but it doesn't change how I feel about those kinds of pretentious writers who form a circle around themselves and parade around as self-important, spread malicious gossip or rumours/lies, judge others and either perpetuate drama or get looped into it over petty, trivial reasons. Or, like, it's their only hobby that they take way too seriously and make it miserable for everyone else. I get having boundaries, opinions, and even rules for interactions, of course, sure.

That's fine. I just don't like putting down others and I'm ashamed that sometimes, in order to try and fit in, I'd participate in such behaviour over the course of my years online in roleplaying communities (which literally, as previously mentioned, spans well over a decade). Like, I truly hate what those spaces have done to me and normalized for me! Looking back on it now, I'm genuinely upset that I, a victim of bullying, would have participated in smack talk or gossip about someone I don't even know over really, really REALLY dumb/petty stuff! This was more so back when I was a teenager, but even still, as an adult, I know I'm guilty of having done that and I'm just... not proud of that. No one should be, and I'm definitely working to not only change that but to stop participating in toxic environments that allow these things to take place be it publicly or behind the scenes.

I suppose, of course, it goes without saying that this isn't the biggest issue, no - racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia and transphobia and a lot of real-world stuff is still an issue, and I especially avoid roleplaying communities entirely because of biases writers still very much have against writers of colour such as myself, who refuses to bend and appease anyone else but myself.

I also don't fuck with like, communities that are lead by people who clearly are not handling like, mod positions well or are just not experienced with balancing moderator responsibilities, a story/plot, worlds, assests, guides, etc. I'm not going to join your RP if there's absolutely nothing to show for it, and you're just waiting for people to join. I get that sometimes, these things won't be prepped until people join, but IDK, I'd rather not hold out for something that may never come to fruition, if that makes sense! Even for sandbox RPs and whatnot, I prefer there just be some level of... polish there, if that makes sense? That's just a personal preference, and has saved me tons of heartbreak and frustration in the past.

I think lastly, I'm also not a fan of incompetent mods. Some people are not meant to be moderators, and work best as like, DMs, or vice versa! Being both is great, and kudos to whoever can handle that, but it's rare I've personally found any people who can achieve both. Some mods are too lax on the rules for the sake of personal interests or just don't give a fuck about making the experiences fun and safe for others regardless of age, others are WAY too strict and sometimes cruel towards their members over trivial reasons and rules a reasonable person can't REALLY follow because it makes no sense, is hypocritical, or contradictory, or worse, unclear to begin with. There's no point in joining a community where I don't feel safe or feel like the rules harm me or others more than protect us. Rules vary of course, from community to community, yes - especially once you determine the target age groups you're trying to rope in, but even still, some rules just... aren't it for some of these places, and it bothers me even a whole decade later how some shit flies in certain places, and who gets away with shit.

I lied, this last bit also plays into what I've overall said and definitely said at the beginning, but favoritism. Loathe that shit, especially when it comes to mods allowing just any fucking bitchass nigga get away with breaking rules constantly, fucking around with members, their characters and plots, etc. I have no respect for bitchass mods who are more interested in upkeeping their high school bully cliques than fostering the welcoming environments for everyone involved, even people who they may not like/who plays characters they may not like/whose artists/writers they may not like/prefer. And honestly, maybe close off applications/interactions to people you aren't mutuals, friends with, or people you don't like to avoid taking responsibility like that? This was a big problem in the Mystery Skulls Animated fanbase and by fucking God, was I not there for it nearly a decade ago and I'm certainly not for it now.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk LOL