#open for everyone tbh. have a sick baker.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi, do you know of any good vamplock fics? I especially like the ones where John realises what Sherlock is and is like, into it. Tbh anything fluffy is good — I do like some angst but preferably nothing too dark. My favourite one ever is ‘An Acquired Taste’ by kinklock on ao3. Thank you as always for doing god’s work!

Hey Nonny!!

AHHHH Okay. I get asked about Vampirelock a lot, and all I ever offer is a REALLY old and ugly list that needs cleaning up. So you know what? I’m going to finally just... post an updated one with stuff people have suggested to me too. I haven’t really read any other ones since 2018, my personal recs are old. Like I’ve only 3 personal recs, LOL. But as I said, I’m going to go through all my past lists and compile them here so I finally have a nice list to point y’all to, LOL. So, it’s not EXACTLY your request... just check out the tags and make the decision to check out the fic! <3

Love you Nonny! 

EDIT: I meant to upload this last month, so... Sorry?? LOL. 

VAMPIRES (Dec 2020)

See also:

Vampirelock (Updated June 10, 2018 || Mine)

Johnlock & Bloodplay (bonus Vampires) (ALEXX LIST)

Vampires (ALEXX LIST)

Longer Vampire fics (ALEXX LIST)

A Study in Black by Reapersun (T, 27 Pages || Vampire AU Webcomic || Vampire Sherlock, Hunter John, Case Story, Supernatural Elements) – A Johnlock vampire AU with a bit of occult stuff.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

Bleed Me Out by antietamfalls (E, 87,987 w., 14 Ch. || Vampire AU || Bonding, Vampire Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, H/C, John Whump, Magical Realism) – John isn’t exactly surprised to discover that Sherlock isn't human. His vampirism doesn't pose a problem, even when their relationship gradually grows into something more. That is, until a deadly revelation about John’s blood sends their lives spinning dangerously out of control.

MARKED FOR LATER

The Art of the Blood by Vulgarweed (E, 6,335 w., 1 Ch. || ACD Canon Vampire AU || Past Sherlock/Historical Character, Blood Drinking, Blood Play, Cutting, Hand Jobs, Frottage, First Time, Vampire Kink, Timeline Jumps) – Watson finds a disturbing, barbaric, medically out-of-fashion item among Holmes’s possessions, and simply cannot let it go. How does Holmes happen to own not just any bloodletting kit, but one that once belonged to a great violin master who died before Holmes was born? The answers revealed will change both their lives - forever. Warning for cutting, but not in a mental illness context.

Pulse by SoftTae (E, 6,620 w., 1 Ch. || Vampire AU || Vampire John, Human Sherlock, Dark John, Dub Con, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Blood Drinking, Anal, Light Bondage, Violent Sex, Biting, Vampire Sex, Angst, Preditor/Prey Dynamic) – This was written for a friend who asked for vampire John, and human Sherlock.

Making History by SaraDobieBauer (M, 8,622 w., 6 Ch. || Vampire AU || Season 1, Vampire John, Dark John, Bondage, Dub Con, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes lay unconscious and handcuffed to John’s bed. John had been waiting for this day ever since he’d first met the consulting detective. He'd been waiting for centuries really.

Let's Say I Let You In by kedgeree (E, 9,972 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Halloween, Costume Kink, Est. Rel., Humour, Smut, Vampire Sherlock, Bloodplay, Biting, Romance) – It's Halloween and Sherlock's vampire costume is turning John on, but Sherlock doesn't quite get the idea of a sexy vampire. At least…not at first. Part 4 of the Holidays series

Between the Tongue and the Taste by philalethia (E, 13,290 w., 1 Ch. || Vampire AU || Blood Drinking, Blood Play, Blood and Gore, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Daddy Kink, Daddy Sherlock, Vampire Sex) – In which John gets turned into a vampire and everything gets a bit weird.

Nine Tenths of the Law by bendingsignpost (M, 18,545 w., 3 Ch. || Modern Vampire AU || Territorial / Possessiveness, Dark John, BAMF!John, Vampire John) – John knows what's his - of course he'll kill for it.

The Halloween Party by XistentialAngst (M, 19,044 w., 3 Ch. || Halloween, Sexy Sherlock, Vampires, Costumes/Disguises, Mutual Masturbation, BAMF John, First Time, Humour, Romance, Frottage, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock and John attend a Halloween party on the trail of a vampire killer -- a man who's been seducing his victims and taking all their blood. Sexy costumes, bad puns, hideous danger, frantic sex in hidden places and some Halloween-flavored fluff are all on hand to "treat" you. Boo.

Still of the Night by michi_thekiller (E, 30,762 w., 22 Ch. || 1950s Dark Vampire Greaser AU || Vampire Sherlock, Greaser Sherlock, Nerd John, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Period-Typical Homophobia, Horror, Seduction) – 1.) Curfew must be obeyed. 2.) Streets must be clear by sundown. 3.) If you find yourself out after curfew, seek shelter at the home of a friend, relative, or neighbor whom you know and trust. 4.) Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should any unknown persons be allowed into the home after curfew.

Sanguineous Serendipity by CarmillaCarmine (E, 34,783 w., 14 Ch. || Vampire AU || Alternate First Meeting, Turning a Character, Vampire Sherlock, Captain John, POV John, Feeding, Blood Drinking, Crossdressing Sherlock, Genderfluid Character, Sherlock in Heels, Transphobic Behaviour, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Soulmates, Romance, Happy Ending) – Vampire Sherlock meets a dying John in a field hospital in Afghanistan and gives him a whole new life.

How to become a (nice) vampire in 10 days by MorganeUK (T, 39,366 w., 17 Ch. || Vampire AU || Mystrade with Side Johnlock, Vampire Holmes Brothers, Developing Relationship, Protective Mycroft, Sick Lestrade, Angst with Happy Ending) – After something bad happened, Mycroft Holmes must help Greg to get his life back. Even if the only way to help him is to open himself like he never did before... Part 2 of the Vampires BBC Sherlock AU series

Soldier of Fortune by Laiquilasse (E, 47,116 w., 25 Ch. || Vampire AU || Soldiers, Vampire Sherlock, Anal Sex, Top Sherlock) – The only vampire working with the military police, Sherlock is sent to investigate a mysterious death in a regiment in Afghanistan. Given Captain John Watson as a go-to man, Sherlock can't work out if the man is distracting him from the case, or aiding him. And in this case, everyone is a suspect. Part 1 of Fighting For Air

The Vampires of London by consultingdetective (E, 72,660 w., 21 Ch. || Dracula AU || Pining Sherlock, Army Doctor John, Sharing a Bed, Porn With Feelings, Plot Twists) –  Over one hundred years after the first battle, a series of murders have caught the attention of London's police force and Sherlock Holmes. While most of the city has forgotten the vampire that once walked its streets, the descendants of the Van Helsing, Harker, and Seward families have not.

Stranger at the Gate by bendingsignpost (E, 85,190 w., 11 Ch. || Vampire AU || Vampire Sherlock, John with a Sword, Hypnotism, Vampire Sex, Dub-Con, Lying Sherlock, Vampire Puberty) -  As far as initiation rites go, kidnapping a human doctor from a defended town ought to seem extreme. When James Moriarty offers him the challenge, Sherlock never considers saying no.

[gordvendomewhore]

can the preps cook?

what’s up losers

i haven’t made a headcanon post in what feels like forever but lately my wifi has been sucking DICK so i pumped this shit out and whoop now we have a post

this isn’t as lengthy as my preps in quarantine post but i’m still putting a whole “keep reading” thingy

this post is pretty plain and nothing real special, but i hope you enjoy anyway

(i say this everytime but these are based on my fanon interpretations of them!! canonically, none of the preps would know how to cook or even how to cut an apple, so take this with a grain of salt LMAO)

derby:

he can’t, and he won’t.

he has servants cook for him 24/7 so like,,,, what’s even the point of cooking for himself LMAOOO

if derby tried to cook, he wouldn’t burn down the kitchen or anything like that, but he wouldn’t make anything half decent and would then blame everyone around him for his own depressing failure

so it’s best to just,,, not let him into the kitchen at all

more for the other preps’ sake than his

3/10. he would have a better score if he weren’t such a bitch. 

bif:

eh, he’s not bad

he certainly doesn’t cook for fun because “what’s fun about doing poor people activities,” but he knows how to do the basics

if he has someone helping him, he can do more intermediate dishes but again, he doesn’t cook for fun

bif only cooks when he or another prep are hungry and he has absolutely nothing better to do

he doesn’t like cooking big family dishes for things like breakfast or dinner, but he’s not completely opposed to it

5/10, he’s mediocre but not horrible

gord:

gord cannot cook. gord cannot cook. do NOT let him in the kitchen.

he likes to brag that he can do everything and anything, including cooking, but that's only ever resulted in the fire department coming to the academy and crabblesnitch getting a few wads of hush money

but while gord does burn water, he is EXCELLENT at plating dishes and he KNOWS what looks good

honestly his cheese platters are a gift from the GODS

1/10 for cooking, but a solid 11/10 for presentation

parker:

he can’t cook, but he’s not completely useless

parker is what i’ll call a “backseat cooker”

like a backseat driver except in the kitchen

he knows his seasonings, kitchenware, and recipes quite well, but he’s just horrible at actually,,,, putting it all together and making something

so he just hands you your tools and ingredients when you need it and advises you on what to do

he’s very cute kitchen help, and probably wears one of those aprons that says “kiss the cook”

he and bif are a pretty good pair in the kitchen

6.5/10, knows what he’s doing but can’t actually do it. his cuteness makes up for it though.

tad:

tad is a baker. not a cooker.

he’s excellent at baking, and it’s a hobby of his he genuinely likes and enjoys (even though it’s not the stereotypical rich activity)

however that doesn’t mean he magically knows how to cook

like bif, tad knows the basics because being a baker means that he knows his way around the kitchen

but overall he avoids cooking as much as he can (which is easy because surprise surprise! he’s fucking rich and servants cook for him)

tbh cooking probably scares him

“if i wanted oil to pop at me i’d go start a spat with the greasers.”

4/10 for cooking, but a good 8/10 for baking!

justin:

only knows how to make egg dishes.

that’s it.

his knowledge ranges from scrambled eggs to avgolemono and everything in between

if you asked justin to fry a fish, he would curse you and your feeble bloodline and probably finish you off by spitting in your mouth

justin doesn’t cook for fun, and only when someone else asks him to

(but that isn’t very often since the preps get sick of eating eggs 24/7)

(tbh they probably gave justin an intervention about this)

10/10 egg skills but 0/10 overall because he literally CANNOT make anything else

chad:

hey, look what we have! someone who can actually cook!!

i have always PREACHED that chad is a completionist and has TONS of hobbies so of course he cooks!

he’s the only prep that cooks for fun, but he never really cooks to,,, eat yknow??

chad is more into cooking really intricate dishes that look expensive enough to be in a food magazine; basically he cooks for the “glamour” of it

he never really eats his own food, he only ever tastes a lil to see if it’s up to his standard

he just gives his cooking to the other preps and is HELLA smug if they like what he made

chad and gord are a good pair in the kitchen, since chad can make fancy food that gord makes look even fancier

9/10!! he’s good at what he does and he knows it!!!

(smh cocky bitch)

bryce:

he doesn’t know,,, how to cook

the other preps that can’t cook (like derby and gord) have attempted to learn before but just,,,, can’t.

but bryce on the other hand hasn’t had the chance to learn at ALL

honestly he’s terrified of failure so he just doesn’t try

even though he thinks cooking is genuinely interesting

(pssst your insecurities are showing bryce)

the only times he’s in the kitchen is when he’s watching the other boys cook

(he watches like an excited child 🥺)

1/10. he would be good if he tried, but we all know he won’t.

pinky:

pinky knows how to cook. however pinky does not LIKE cooking

her parents forced her to take cooking lessons in order to be a fit housewife in the future for derby, but yeah uhhh

pinky is a lesbian and refuses to be a ‘50s housewife.

so whenever you put her in the kitchen she PURPOSELY causes complete mayhem and chaos

if the preps don’t want to die within the ashes of the harrington house, pinky stays OUT of the kitchen.

-10847302/10. she’s a demon.

(but her actual cooking is decent and is a solid 7/10)

feel free to tell me if you think i’m wrong lmaoo but thanks for reading!! 

my asks are open and i know that there’s a 5% chance anyone will but whoop send me an ask if you want to

but yes yes, again, i hope you enjoyed reading and i hope you have a nice day <3

[changji]

Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

-

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

[eggoreviews]

My Top 10 Games of All Time

Just so I’m not talking about Smash Bros for once, here’s my top 10 games of all time that I will always think are perfect and never accept that they have flaws! Enjoy and I hope one of your faves is in here!

Probably spoilers for the games I mention under the cut

10. Kingdom Hearts II (2005)

For those of you unfamiliar with the series, Kingdom Hearts is a big weird crossover between Disney and Final Fantasy. I played this game as a kid and it was mostly exploring the Disney worlds and the really good combat system that kept me interested (I had literally no clue what was happening in the story and still kind of don’t) and I never really lost that sense of nostalgia that became attached to this game for me. And yeah I’m definitely getting Kingdom Hearts 3.

9. Life Is Strange (2015)

Life Is Strange is an emotional, cheesily written episodic series that I got into totally by accident about a teenage girl called Max who does some high school stuff and also has superpowers. What really made this game so memorable for me was the sheer emotion behind a lot of the plot and I will admit I cried several points during, which is what made the game stick with me. Plus this has one of the best soundtracks I’ve heard in a game so yeah. Go play it (and everything on this list).

8. Until Dawn (2015)

This game probably doesn’t belong here but I love it. Until Dawn follows 8 teenagers who go back to a snowy cabin where some shit went down the year before and u have to keep them all alive by making the right choices n stuff. The horror factor is good in this game, but it’s mostly the characters and how strangely attached I was to them by the end (I know they’re all tropes but I still love them). I’ve honestly lost count of the amount of times I’ve replayed this. Still probably gonna do it again.

7. Mass Effect 2 (2010)

The sequel to what is basically the space version of Dragon Age is shamefully my only exposure to the Mass Effect series, but the gameplay and characters left enough of a mark on me to give it a comfortable spot in this list. Mass Effect 2 follows Commander Shepard, overly macho space guy/gal who is a terrible flirt as he attempts to rid the universe of some massive insects. Along the way, you run into a huge cast of memorable, unique characters (and then Jacob as well) and explore a wealth of interesting and varying locations. But what really made the game stick out were the genuine lasting consequences of the frankly huge final mission; if you don’t make the right choices and buy the right upgrades, a lot of your faves are going to die.

6. Dishonored (2012)

This entry in my list is a bit cheaty, as it includes all dlc expansions from the first game as well as Dishonored 2, because all of these are just as good as each other. Dishonored puts you in the shoes of self-righteous arsehole Corvo Attano (I’m kidding btw, he’s only an arse if you make him kill everyone) as he gets framed for the murder of his lover who also happens to be the Empress, as well as the kidnap of his daughter who also happens to be the Empress’ daughter. So kind of a big deal. But all joking aside, Dishonored is one of the finest examples of the first person stealth genre, with arguably its only flaw being that it gives you a sprawling variety of fun and interesting ways to kill people and then makes you feel like a monster at the end of the game for doing it. I played this game and its sequels to death, and became especially invested in the character of Daud (who was totally butchered in Death of the Outsider. Yeah, I really wasn’t a fan of that game. Like, I love Billie Lurk and everything but what the hell were they thinking doing THAT to the Outsider?? Sorry I’m rambling)

5. Dragon Age: Origins (2009)

And now to one of the best RPGs I’ve ever played, Dragon Age is fucking amazing from start to finish. A gripping storyline, characters and companions that are impossible to forget and a combat system that’s fairly easy to get to grips with but becomes a bit of an arse later in the game. As much as I liked Inquisition (despite the fact it butchered Leliana. That’s just my hot take I don’t think anyone else thinks this, she just kind of lost that sense of fun and badassery that made her my fave in Origins. Rambling again), none of the other games in the series really matched up to the original for me.

4. Medievil Resurrection (2005)

I’ve been reliably informed that I am Bad And Naughty for loving this version of the game because it’s apparently rubbish compared to the PS1 version. But I loved this game so much as a kid that I played it to DEATH. Like more than Dishonored. The levels aren’t quite open world, but you get so immersed in them that you think they are. Honestly, I’ve never played a game with such a creative concept behind it, with humour that’s surprisingly meta for an RPG of the time, not to mention the fact that there’s a whole level devoted to carnival minigames. Are you not convinced yet? Well, you should be because Tom Baker is a voice in it and it’s coming out as a remaster for the PS4 at some point (I hope it’s soon. It’s gone eerily quiet)

3. Undertale (2015)

I know this is high for such a recent game, but it really has justified its place. I don’t care how much this game or its following has been ruined by the internet, I still hold it in the same regard I did when I first played it (and then bought all the subsequent ports because I’m a Capitalist Sheep). With an amazing narrative, some spicy retro-era graphics, memorable characters and possibly the best soundtrack I’ve ever heard in a game, there’s no way I’m ever getting sick of Undertale.

2. Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies (2009)

What sets this game apart from the other RPGs on this list was that not only did it have everything I look for in a game (amazing narrative, characters, soundtrack, game design, combat and open world) but it carried it all out with a sense of emotion I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Every single character, every single detail seemed to be something else you immediately became attached to and it all comes together to make a game so immersive I didn’t put it down for a solid 3 years, even after I’d completed it. Basically, if you own a DS, you NEED to play this. Like you will cry many times throughout this game. Sometimes happy crying (I think I just get a bit too invested in these things tbh)

Before I ramble on incessantly about my number 1 pick, here’s some of the best bois I’ve played that didn’t quite make the list:

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (2017) - I’m loving this game to bits so far. I’m only a recent Switch owner so I’m catching up on what I’ve missed and if this game carries on the way it is, it’s going to have to be in my top 10.

Rayman Legends (2013) - Fun, unique and memorable platformer that especially shines in couch co-op. I’ve played this one countless times and I won’t stop until Rayman gets in Smash.

The Walking Dead series (2012-2018) - One of the best sets of decision based games on the market and perfect if you’re looking for a game that tears your heart out and stomps on it!

Fallout 4 (2015) - Amazing open world, characters and combat. Well-designed, genuinely terrifying monsters. The ability to name your weapons ridiculous things. Heck yeah it’s going on this list.

Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo Tales (2006) - A cute lil card based RPG that was a Final Fantasy spin-off no one seemed to like. But hey, I loved it and I’ll never say it’s anything other than perfect because childhood.

1. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (2006)

Oh my god. Ohhh my god. Where do I even begin with this one? Yes, Skyrim was amazing, but Oblivion just beats it due to a combination of a storyline I prefer (oops sorry), nostalgic attachment and a lovely set of glitches and exploits that to me make the game all the more lovable. There’s nothing I’ve played since Oblivion that’s matched the experience of wandering through a forest or one of the cities with THAT MUSIC in the background. And don’t even get me started on the quests. And that Shivering Isles DLC? Big yes. I knew this segment wouldn’t make much sense but I love the game so much that I can’t even begin to tell you all the things that make it my favourite.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far! It was just me rambling about games really but I appreciate u a lot if you made it this far. Have a good day and if you get the time, pick up one or two of the titles on this list! You bigly won’t regret it.

[sicheng-blr]

grocery store baker! sicheng

My first au!! All my future au’s will be in this bullet point format unless I think something will be better off as a scenario. Enjoy!! (p.s: sorry if it seems rusty, i haven’t written a lot since like last year, but i promise i’ll get my touch back)

sicheng was beyond excited when he found a job where he could bake and didn’t have to compete with others that wanted the job too

the plus side was that it was a grocery store that was popular for its bakery and close to his home

when the head baker handed sicheng his nametag, he nearly cried because he was finally doing what he wants

all those years studying law because of his strict parents when he just wanted to bake really came flooding back to him in that moment

not gonna lie most of the staff there are pretty old,, like early 40s to late 50s

so when they saw sicheng they were heart eyes af especially the women,, they just wanted him as a son(-in-law)

on his first day, he was so bubbly and energetic he was saying hi to everyone that passed by the bakery section

some gave him weird looks but he didn’t care because he’s finally !! baking !! for !! a living !!

one day sicheng was kneading the bread and the store wasn’t that busy so he noticed you walked in

honestly, he didn’t pay much attention to you and just went back to kneading the bread

but,,,, then he noticed you kept coming back again,, almost three times a week

and sicheng is like ?? what are they doing here again ?? do they not buy enough food for the month ??

except you do buy enough food, its just that this is your favorite grocery store

all the staff recognize you and know you by name, and vice versa because you’ve gone there since you were little

sicheng once overheard the butcher say,”hello, _____!” while he was placing bread in the glass displays

and he just thought “do they have nothing better to do than visit a grocery store ?? or what ??”

he was just confused tbh

......and a little curious

everyday sicheng became a little bit more giddy to see you walk through the sliding doors and see what they had newly stocked

but then he noticed you never came over to the bakery even once since he was hired

he got a little sad about that, even the other bakers noticed but they didn’t know why

its not your fault you never went to the bakery... you just decided to cut back on pastries, chocolate, and candy when you were seventeen ok so maybe it was your fault

sicheng became hopeless at that point...he hasn’t been able to say a word to you in the 3 months he’s been working there

then the stars finally aligned for him

it was a tuesday when he looked up from decorating a cake that he saw someone looking at the desserts displayed

he set down the frosting and walked over to where they were to help

“good morning! do you need help wi-”

but then you looked up at him and he lost it

“d-do you need...help, or are you,,, lost?”

“umm ?? no, but...do you have dessert platters?”

you were there on a very rare occasion, the only time you bought anything from the bakery was when you were invited to a party

more specifically, forced to go by a friend

this time you had a high school reunion to go to, one filled with people you very much don’t want to see

“we don’t have any, i’m sorry”

sicheng said sorry many times to people before but this time he meant it

you frowned and he took notice in how you pouted just a little

you were about to turn around and leave when-

“but we take custom orders! what would you like in your platter?”

you smiled big at him and he swore his heart flipped a little

“is it possible to make cheesecake, tiramisu, and cookies by friday?”

“sure anything for you”

you didn’t deny to yourself that this baker was cute, his pointed ear made him look like a fairy and so did the way his eyes sparkled naturally

plus,,, he was so excited to be talking to you finally!

“thanks...” you looked at the nametag on his chest,”sicheng, see you friday!”

the name sicheng suddenly sounded like angels singing after you said it

the rest of the day he had a faint smile on his face and complimented everyone who passed by

he highkey got in trouble with the head chef after you left but he didn’t care as long as it was for you

“sicheng, we don’t even do custom orders!”

“well,,,, we do now”

friday couldn’t come sooner for sicheng, he couldn’t wait to see you again

likewise, you couldn’t wait to see him

you spent all friday morning looking through your closet to see what’d be best to wear

when sicheng saw you walk through the entrance, his poor heart couldn’t take it

he physically couldn’t take it; his legs gave out a little

you showed up to the store in a fitted silk baby blue dress, seeing as you were going to the party right after leaving

sicheng rushed to get the platter from the back before you got to the register,,, you didn’t hear it from me but,,,, he slipped on the way from how excited he was

“hello, sicheng...its nice to see you”

both of y’all were blushing so bad and it wasn’t even the first time y’all see each other

“hi, _____”

wait,,,,,

“how do you know my name?”

“oh u-umm,, uhh… you gave it to me for your order”

it was a little awkward tbh, he didn’t know whether to keep talking or just give you the dessert platter already

he just gave you the platter so you can leave and not make him any more flustered than he was lol

“how much is it?”

he thought for a while before saying “you don’t have to pay…it was my pleasure making it for you”

it left you a little shocked,,, this was the first time in your life you ever got something on the house

and it was from someone very cute

thank god you didn’t pay for it, that thing was like $50

“thanks so much sicheng! i’ll pay you back some way for this! see you later then!”

sicheng could only wait for that ‘later’

at the reunion, you only got compliment after compliment on the platter and it gave you butterflies in the stomach

because it would remind you of the baker back at the store, the way he smiled at you, how he looked so handsome in his apron and sleeves rolled up, how cute he was when he had a bit of flour on his cheek and,,, oh shit you almost fell into the pool

the next morning, you went into your trusty store to tell sicheng about all the nice things people said about his platter

of course, he was thrilled when he heard all those compliments, eyes shining even more when you kept talking to him

and you were just trying to take a mental picture of how he was leaning forward, smiling with his cute snaggletooth and all

the other staff were lowkey staring at y’all, seeing how heart eyes y’all were for eachother

they shipped it

“_____, let me make you a special treat… as a thank you for telling me all this when you didn’t have to”

that’s when you knew you’d have to break it to him,, and it already hurt knowing he’d get pouty

“actually,,, i don’t eat...pastries….and stuff”

poor sicheng felt the world stop, in his opinion, this tragedy was worse than romeo and juliet

“you mean... i can’t do what i like….for the person i like?”

it took both sicheng and you a while to realize what he just said

“w-what did you just say?”

“n-nothing,,, oh well look at the time !! my shift is over !! bye !!”

his shift was not over, he just went to the back and sat in the corner, face palming himself for saying that

and boyyyy were the staff shook at the sudden confession

they knew he was shy and all,,,, but they didn’t know he could be so honest,,,, the boy wasn’t even subtle with his confession

and maybe it was the cookie you ate last night when you weren’t supposed to.... but you suddenly felt a sense of confidence wash over you

you didn’t leave the store just yet, taking your time to look for a,,,, certain,,,,, aisle before paying and leaving

at night, sicheng kept reliving that moment and drowning his face in his pillow whenever he remembered what he said

he thought of how stupid he was for excusing himself away when he could’ve had a chance to tell you everything he thought of you

he almost considered calling in sick in the morning, but what if you went to see him ??

sicheng couldn’t stand losing a chance to talk to you no matter how embarrassed he was of yesterday

that morning, you were especially nervous

you arrived at the store, peeking in to see if sicheng was there before going through the sliding doors

with the box in hand, you made your way to him, the path seemed longer than usual

he was in the middle of putting in freshly baked muffins into the displays when he heard the soft thud of a box on the counter next to him

looking up, he made accidental eye contact with you which he wished he hadn’t,,, because now he has muffins on the floor

“oh, do you need help?”

sicheng fumbled with the muffins in his arm,”no, its okay...i’ll just throw these away...”

when he came back from throwing away his muffins, he pointed to the white box in front of you,”what’s that?”

you had forgotten about the box and now you were thinking about how stupid this whole idea was

but still, you opened the lid to reveal to sicheng a wonderfully done cake, frosted white and on top of it,,, a heart

“i might not eat pastries or know how to make them as good as you do, but… i still appreciate what you do… even if it means i can’t come over and buy something for myself...and see you”

sicheng could only smile and tear up a bit from how cute you were, standing there saying the most cheesy thing he’s ever heard,,, although it still made his heart grow by the second

“_____… are you confessing to me right now?”

“...…..maybe…….yes”

he felt so many emotions then and there that all he could do was lean over the counter and hug you

and give you a kiss on the cheek

“how about you go on a date with me… as a way for you to pay back the platter?”

you smiled at him,”of course”

~cue the applause from staff~

on the third date, he invited you to his apartment to watch a movie

you went to the kitchen for some juice but when you opened the fridge,,,,

you saw the cake you made for him in perfect condition and in the same box

[thelonerlife-blog]

13 Reasons Why

So in this post, I’ll talk about my opinions of the characters on the show (Not the book since the book didn’t expand so much on the other characters and  there are major I mean MAJOR differences between the book and the show)

SPOILERS BELOW

Worst to best

Bryce: Sick, Rapist, didn’t think what he did was wrong, believed that every girl wanted to be with him, bully, asshole. I need a dictionary to find every single horrible word in the dictionary to describe him.

Mr. Porter: how the hell is he a guidance counselor, told Hannah to move on after she was raped, He didn’t really care about kids being bullied but he only cares about his job, Do you remember how he told Tyler to figure out what he’s doing that makes the kids pick on him. Who fucking tells a bullied kid to do that!! I can write an essay on why I hate him.

Courtney: Only cares about herself, betrayed Hannah, RAPE APOLOGIST, Wanted to hide the fact that she’s gay even though her parents were gay ??, RAPE APOLOGIST, needed to be slapped every time she opened her mouth, fucking liar and further ruined Hannah’s reputation even though she knew that Hannah’s reputation was a fucking lie, RAPE APOLOGIST

Marcus : Only cares about himself, Tried to use Hannah, Would do anything to cover up his ass (like remember what he did with the Clay and the weed ), humiliated Hannah when she rejected him (fucking asshole), scum bag, selfish, he was always trying to stick with Bryce so he could get what he wanted. didn’t believe what he did was wrong

Justin Foley: He started the rumors and slut shaming that happened to Hannah and ruined her first kiss. Didn’t fucking try hard enough to stop Jessica from being raped, brainwashed Jessica to believe that Hannah was a liar, hid behind Bryce Walker, who fucking raped his girlfriend because he needed his money, who lies about someone being raped in order to protect them. The reason he’s under Courtney and Marcus is that he actually told the truth in the end and cut off his ties with Bryce while the other 2 remained shit.

Tyler: creep, stalker,, betrayed Hannah when he said that he deleted all the pics but actually had one and exposed Hannah and invaded her fucking privacy and made her feel like she was no longer safe. H said that clay was the last  one who  got the tapes which was a fucking dick move ; however, Clay shouldn’t have exposed him like that and the others overly bullied him and no one shouldn’t be bullied like that even if he was a creepy stalker and they drove him to insanity like he might shoot the fucking school because he was bullied and when tried looking for help Mr. Porter was a complete asshole to him. He’s still a fucking creep and stalker but it doesn’t make bullying him okay

Jess: a horrible best friend used the rumors and blamed Hannah for something stupid that Alex Standall did, thought Hannah was an attention whore and a liar on the tapes even though everyone else’s stories on the tapes were true on the tape was true, annoyed me with her excessive wildness. Didn’t deserve to get raped. Loved how she didn’t forgive Justin Liar Foley like you go girl and I really hope she gets better and gets her fucking shit together.

Zach: wants to be a marine biologist which is cute af, star basketball player, tried to make Hannah feel better, actually Kept the letter ; however, he actually hangs out with  the wrong people like BRYCE AND JUSTIN even though they are the reincarnations of the devil, makes stupid decisions like steal people’s compliments, tries to hide the tapes which is stupid as Alex Standall described him, “You’re just an entitled idiot who does, cruel stupid things even though you probably have a decent heart”. Also, he ignored Justin Foley who thought of him as his best friend when he needed a place to stay

Ryan: actual asshole, arrogant af, shouldn’t have published Hannah’s poem without her fucking consent even if he believed that it’s good as it’s her fucking thoughts. He betrayed Hannah's trust. However, his replies actually cracked me up when he reminded everyone how Bryce was a rapist and how he called out Courtney for being a rape apologist

Sheri: responsible for my baby Jeff’s death, didn’t report the accident even though Hannah begged her to report it ; however, in the end, she helped the elderly couple and reported herself to the police which was an amazing move, probably the only one on the tapes who wasn’t conspiring against Clay, lowkey shipped her with Clay.

Alex Standall: seriously wrote Hannah as best ass because he wanted to take revenge on Jessica for not having fucking sex with him, ruined his friendship with both of them; however he felt so fucking guilty about it and tried to be better, relatable character, he called out everyone for their shit, wanted for everyone to know the truth and to expose Bryce  for the fucking rapist he is, NOBODY CAUGHT THE SIGNS AND HE TRIED TO FUCKING COMMIT SUICIDE EVEN THOUGH THE SIGNS WERE SO FUCKING CLEAR. I really hope he survives

Clay Jensen: Took too damn long to finish the fucking tapes, his revenge shit was annoying af, problematic, should have been the better person and not exposed tyler, awkward af (even more than me), felt sorry for him when he listened to his tape, shouldn’t have blamed himself for what happened to Hannah, probably the only person who made Clay happy, felt sorry because he lost his best friend and his crush in the same month, actually believed Hannah and didn’t accuse her of being a liar, LOVED IT WHEN HE CONFRONTED BRYCE AND GOT THE 14TH TAPE LIKE THIS WAS SUCH A GREAT SCENE !!!, Loved how he tried to help Skye at the end of the show, really don’t want Tyler to shoot him, was sweet to many people including Jeff’s parents and Hannah's parents

Hannah Baker : a little over-dramatic, anyone who says that she didn’t resist Bryce enough can fucking fight me (yes, people actually say this ), shows you why slut shaming was wrong, really talented poet , didn’t deserve to die this way, needed to know that many people loved her, I was disappointed when the poetry guy told her to come back and that they missed her and she didn’t realize that people actually loved her and needed to survive, a little annoying tbh, she was surrounded by drama, deserved a proper funeral

TONY: was always there for Clay, followed Clay around to make sure he was okay, so sweet when realized that Clay was about to listen to his tape, respected Hannah’s wish, almost risked his relationship for Hannah, he could have actually ignored the whole thing but he didn’t, sweetheart, I loved his mustang, tolerated Clay’s mood swings, was very helpful to the Bakers, gave the tapes to the Bakers when he realized it was the right thing to do

JEFF ATKINS : He was very sweet to the cute little nerdy Clay Jensen, He deserved better, He wanted to get his grades better,  He deserved better, He wanted to help Clay become more social, He deserved better, He talked about Clay really well to his parents, He deserved better , He was a sweetheart, He deserved better , He was adorable, He deserved better, remember when he carried the drunk guy away from Clay and Hannah so they could have fun together, He deserved better , I needed him as a best friend, He deserved better, He didn’t deserve to die, He deserved better, He didn’t deserve to get blamed for drunk driving,   He deserved better, I loved him so fucking much,  He deserved better, He was the only pure soul on the show,  He deserved better

[that-marshmallow-boy]

Pastry Chef MC

RFA + V/Saeran in a relationship with MC who happens to be a baker/pastry chef. This has nothing to do with the fact that I, the writer, went to culinary school for pastry chef-ery. Nope. (FYI, requests are open, I know this is a newer blog but I’d love some requests. ^^ I’m in the process of moving so they might not be super fast, but! The option is there.)

✦ZEN:

impressed, tbh

he doesn’t normally cook, even though he can, and never bakes, so he thinks it’s cool that you do that for a living

he usually didn’t eat many sweets, bc they aren’t healthy and his health/physique is super important for his job

but he can’t say no to your baking

has to add on an extra workout on days you bring home sweets

suddenly, he’s bringing sweets for everyone during rehearsals, too

he totally brags to all of them about you

his new favorite thing is your cupcakes

especially your Irish Car Bomb cupcakes

there’s Guinness and Irish whiskey and Bailey’s  o h  m y

he likes it even better than your goldfish shaped bread

✦Yoosung:

he’s thrilled!

he loves to cook and bake and always asks for tips to help him be better

asks you to decorate LOLOL themed cookies for him and some of his gaming friends

you love this dork so much

he loves helping you when you bake at home

will legit watch you work as if it’s the most interesting thing ever

“you should be on one of those baking shows!”

decides to surprise you one day by taking one of your recipe books and baking something special

he totally messes up the presentation but it tastes great and you love him for trying

his favorite thing you make is...pretty much anything chocolate

truffles, petit fours, chocolate cupcakes, chocolate frosting all of it

✦Jaehee:

okay but this is PERFECT

i mean she opens a bakery cafe ffs

she handles the coffee and you handle the baked goods

you were super thrilled to be her partner

it wasn’t just her dream, but yours too!

you were able to give extra help in picking out a menu

you two constantly drop off baked goods left over at the end of the day to the rest of the RFA

but also to homeless shelters

she teaches you to roast coffee beans and you teach her some of the more complicated pastries

her favorite thing is your tiramisu

coffee and pastry all in one and it’s perfect for her

✦Jumin:

doesn’t really like sweets that much

but that doesn’t stop him from trying everything you make bc he loves you so much

N O T  a fan of the usual work hours

early mornings and late nights and weekends and holidays

“MC just quit and spend more time with me”

but you want to work bc you love it and you don’t want to be totally dependent on him

so this boy goes and ends up buying you a bakery Sarah and Sugar round can be seen exploding in the distance

“Now you’re the boss and you can come spend time with me and Elizabeth 3rd whenever you want”

even allows you to steal hire Jaehee finally the girl gets some rest and is thrilled

his favorite thing is your scones

not too sweet, and they don’t take you long to make so bonus

✦Saeyoung:

“OMG CAN YOU MAKE HONEY BUDDHA CHIPS” it’s the first thing he asks you

why even, you have a whole warehouse of them jfc

loves to “help” when you’re in the kitchen

which really means “stand around and mess with the cook”

“Is this sharp?” as he RUNS HIS FINGER DOWN THE KNIFE SAEYOUNG WHY it was sharp and now he’s bleeding

banned from “helping” after that but he still yells questions from the other room

you do let him help decorate cat shaped cookies though he has so much fun

ends up reprogramming Catbot to be able to help in the kitchen and it is way more helpful than Saeyoung tbh

“Bringing sugar over meow~” “Oven is preheated meow~”

his favorite thing is this hard candy you make for him which is basically Doctor Pepper and pure sugar

it’s made from one of his favorite things and you always let him break it up WITH A HAMMER what’s not to love

✦V:

doesn’t really have a sweet tooth

but that doesn’t matter bc BREAD

you find out he loves bread and so there’s always a fresh loaf in the bread box

his eyes are bad but he always insists on taking photos of all the things you make

your portfolio has never looked better tbh

he can’t really help very well but he’s always willing to try

barring that, he’ll sometimes just hug you from behind if what you’re making doesn’t require a lot of movement

it still makes it more difficult but you love it so you’ll never tell him

his favorite thing is pain de campagne (country bread) and you make it for him all the time

but to keep him from getting sick of it, you make him new breads he’s never tried before often he loves them all

✦Saeran:

omg

no one has ever really baked him anything before, he’s not used to this kind of treatment

but you bake for him ALL. THE. TIME. my poor deprived bby let me feed you

cookies whenever he wants???

secretly a little jealous when you make things for other people

when he finds out you know how to make ice cream from scratch

he  l o s e s  i t !!

so excited when you teach him how now he can make whatever ice cream he wants

the ice cream machine becomes his favorite new appliance

his favorite thing is when you break up cookies you baked and put them in his ice cream

he loves eating it in the winter while you two are wrapped in a blanket and cuddling

[choujiro]

ph

so i spent 3 weeks at ph and oh gosh

week one: 

the flight wasnt bad at all tbh i got to watch my kdrama & listen to my favorite music

scratch that was kinda annoying because my brother took a xan & instantly knocked out once we were seated, my mom and a flight attendant got extremely worried because he wasn’t really opening his eyes

i told them he was just really tired

he fuckgin drooled and it smelled

i couldnt sleep for like an hour or two because we saved his dinner but on my tray and it bothered me

incheon airport is so nice omfg !!!!! bought a macaron at a starbucks there & i wish we had that here at u.s

my uncles picked us up from the airport and our younger uncle (20 yrs old) got chubbier and said he got really fat so we were like no ur jst thicc

while we were waiting for my mom to fix her phone he was talking to me about kdramas because he saw the iu photocard on my phone LOL but its really interesting because guys arent really into stuff like that

found out his girlfriend makes him watch kdramas lol

found out the portions at jollibee were wayyy smaller so my uncle told me to buy two of the same food yah huge shock to me

the wifi was incredibly slow; we had to buy this portable wifi in which we bought 1gb of connection for idk 300 pesos??? wow first world problems for sure

my mom, brother & i slept on the same bed & it was just so hot i honestly could not sleep (we couldnt really sleep anywhere else)

the next day my cousins and i walked to our other cousins house & the aircon in her home was just fucgkin AMAZING 

we could not stand the heat tbh it ruined us

we went to the next town over to buy stuff at the market because we found out my uncle had fake gucci slippers

i bought fake nike slippers and some of us got the same along with gucci ones lol

went deeper in the market and found hella fake stuff like fake vans and addidas (i was planning to come back to buy them and when i came back to the market we didnt have time to get them so im really bummed esp since they’re cheap like 200 or 300 pesos only)

went to the local mall the following day & found this really cute shop that resembled h&m, i ended up buying this overall dress & used up 800 pesos out of 1000 & didnt have enough to buy anything else lol

went to the supermarket the following day inside another mall & ended up buying a bunch of snacks in BULK (my cousins bought wine & alcohol, ended up tasting really weird)

bought a LARGE ASS bulky bag of corn chips called bawang na bawang & when my auntie found out i called it “bah-wang” instead of “buh-wang” she kept laughing & told everyone else because apparently im saying town instead of garlic

met my other cousins’ family (they live in the same town, a 2 minute drive basically) and ate good food, talked to their uncle about palawan since we were going there soon

attended our parent’s high school reunion and watched them perform this dance line lol

we werent really interested in their reunion, i mean it wasn’t really for us anyways??

i actually got really sick the day before new years, i had a bad fever & had cold sweat. i told my cousins to move the fan away from me despite the weather being 80+ degrees :-(

i took antibiotics & got better several minutes before the new years hit lol

week two:

got sick to the point where i lost my voice 

went to pagasinan and ate rly good sisig & etc

went to the same supermarket from the one back in my family’s hometown and ended up buying more snacks in bulk

my skin got super worse & im just like fuck it dammit

on jan2 we were supposed to go to palawan but our flight was delayed, we were transferred to a super nice hotel nearby, free of charge of course

got a massage with two of my other cousins for the first time, the lady thought i was korean so they were like “oh !!! korean!!”

i couldnt speak so my manang talked for me lol

gosh the massage was both relaxing and hurtful LOL

i understood the lady speaking to her coworkers as she was massaging me as she said she felt sorry for me because my skin has alot of scars

i didnt mind at all, i felt bad that she had to see it tbh

she told me to turn my body facing the ceiling so i did and omfg she pulled the towel and massaged my ..... armpits and boobs (im so ashamed because i shaved before i left the airport and it grew fast oh my god)

my cousins and i were talking about how our butts hella hurt after they massaged that part because FUK it hella hurt oh my god i have never clenched my buttcheeks so hard in my life

my kuya said he was ticklish there so he let out a giggle

we boarded our flight to palawan the next day and went island hopping right away. i felt really bad because my skin got even worse so it made me uncomfortable & i couldnt talk to anyone so yeah bad time lol

island hopping was nice nevertheless, we couldnt explore the cave because the tides were high

my cousins, brother and mom got a massage at the hotel we were staying after finding out we got one in the other hotel

the masseurs come to the room instead of having a separate room

so i couldnt go to sleep right away since the bed was being occupied smh

we went to a place called bakers hill the next day & it was really nice idk how to say it, it was much of a hill tho. lots of places to take pictures there i guess??? theres only one bakery there and its small, the families bought alot of pastillias and hopia to bring back home, basically we left the store with a box full of sweets

went to bagiuo the day we returned back to our town and went to a place called mines view where we had an amazing view of the hills/mountains

its realllly nice and green and man !!!!! gr8 view

went shopping for gifts at the local market and bought a jacket & two wooden keychains shaped as a small ..... dicc

my brother bought a wooden flute and he really used it throughout the whole trip like he played in the house AND during car rides. i think the good part was that it wasnt annoying at all, he actually knew how to play and did some covered a bunch of songs that made all of us laugh (my cousin recorded it and has the videos on her phone so i cant show everyone here)

we went driving at pengbenga park, but not literally driving. we got to drive these plastic race car things and it was sososo fun!!!! i overtook some kids & adults but mostly kids on the driveway & i crashed like only twice

we were given the choice to use a bike/multi-seater bike, race car, & other stuff but yeah race car boi

ate really bomb waffles and pancakes at this pancake house and LORD !! GOOD AMAZING AAAHH OOOOO

went to a small mall the following day and bought 50 peso facemasks and i spent like 15 dollars worth of them??? idk i just bought hella without counting my money lol

drove to manila few days later and went to a place called greenhills (famous for fake brands like nike and gucci) and my cousins and aunties bought alot of gucci, ray bans, louis vuitton (wallet, belts and bags lmao). went to a store called miniso and it was so packed i wasnt able to look around as much, & i really wanted to go here ;___; it was okay tho

so there are basically two malls in one, one small one with a food court and market with the fake items and a REAL mall; they’re connected by a yard which is partially a church lol (there was a tv outside so we assumed it was a concert of some sort, found out there was a priest praying inside the building along with so many others)

next morning, instead of going to another pancake house we were accidentally taken to a coffee house but honestly, it was the best choice ever

it was so fuckgin AESTHETIC I LOVED IT they decorated the place with flowers and it wasnt like overwhelming full of flowers it was just right and the iced latte?? AMAZING and ugh man i loved ittttttt

we went to a museum after and learned so much about jose rizal and the history of philippines before and during spanish colonization and it was super interesting

darn u white ppl go away

it was really ironic to see white people check out the museum too like.. first u colonize us then u wanna check our museum hm

went to eat after at a place similar to pepper lunch, so basically hot sizzling food

i ordered a sizzling tapa and it was so fuckgin AMAZINg gattdamn ugh i love sisig

we went to the mall after hoping to check out another museum inside the place (an ice cream one) but we found out that it was opened until feb 

anyways we checked out the whole mall and ate some aesthetic looking ice cream which was amazing also

dropped off two of our cousins at the airport since they were only here for two weeks (the rest of us dreaded over the fact that we had one more week left when our trip here was originally 2 weeks)

went back to my familys town at la union and didnt do much

spent two days at baguio, day 1: found a kbbq and ate lunch there, it was only 300 pesos per person so we werent complaining

we went to the mall after and i checked out this store that had really amusing shirts, bags and pouches. i ended up buying a shirt with a bunny that said “bunnies like carrots but not this one. this one chose the jacuzzi” it was so amusing omfg

i bought a pouch that said “lechon is my lifeforce” aka pig and my friends were like “thats really amazing”

we left the mall to buy tea and i didnt have enough because i bought the bunny shirt so my uncle bought a drink for me LOL (i felt so bad tho)

watched netflix the whole time till it was time to sleep

the next day my other cousin was dropped at the house and we went to go out for a different kbbq place, it was much better (500 pesos per person too!)

went to the mall again and watched jumanji

watched black mirror when we came back

left the next day & went back to the mall since it connected to the other large buses to go back to town

week three:

next morning i met a faith healer who looked for the cause of my eczema, she cured my mom the day before because someone had cursed her food (she had stomach cancer several months back but she’s better, she occasionally has stomach problems tho)

one of the amazing things i have heard from her was that when she was cleaning my moms body with a white towel, she squeezed out the remaining water & black sand came out. she says the curse has been removed & that she’ll feel better soon

she looked at my skin and proceeded to put a special oil everywhere and said it mightve been the burning of a dwende outside the house when i was kid (when he was hurt, he probably hurt me too)

the next day she came by again and lathered a special oil again and came to the conclusion that when i visited the house when i was about 4-5 years old, the dwendes decided to play with me (which actually hurt me so)

she said to only have faith and keep praying, virgin mary will come by to heal you in the form of a sudden breeze with a nice scent

i know that alot of people might think this is crazy and all, but since i come from a spiritual family and had actual experience with something like this, its really easy to believe 

it seems like the dwendes dont like modern medicine so everytime i put on my creams or ointments, the healing effect didnt last long

the next and final day, she put on oil once more and concluded that the dwendes have been playing with me since i was a kid so it was the root of my eczema. she had personally asked them to stop yesterday so she said they wont play with me anymore

as she was lathering oil on my skin, she said that i had nice legs and hands, the dwendes had played with me because i was “pintas” or pretty

so that kinda shocked me like me? pretty?? lol

but after that she said i will get better, i need to have faith and pray all the time. once you believe, it will happen (i have great faith in both the faith healer and myself healing, my wounds are slowly closing so im really determined to recover from eczema)

the thing about faith healers is that they DONT ask for money. you could donate, but they dont ask for anything at all. i believe that they heal people in the form of good will

my mom & i gave money and clothes, and soap as a payment for her time and faith healing and im sososo thankful for her

she also did this thing where she could figure out things by putting oil and water in a plate and picking out rice grains and letting them either sink or float in another bowl

3 rice grains had floated while the others sank and she concluded that there was something wrong with me, both spiritually and physically?? i couldnt understand quite well since they were speaking in ilocano

but something along the lines of that, she had called me soul in order to protect me so i can heal. and that kinda boggled me like soul? is that always with you? is my soul somewhere else? why was it that my soul had to be called? so yeah interesting

she also found out that my grandpa had visited (he visited last week too, along with my grandma) and he’s just watching the family in the living room

also odd thing but last week a white butterfly came inside the house while my cousins and i were just doing whatever and it landed on the couch my manang and i were sitting on

my kuya said there was a butterfly behind me and i was like fuk imma move couches cuz i just dont like bugs in general (my cousin had entered the back door the other night and felt something crawling on his head so he slapped it away, turns out it was a HUGE spider so yeah FUK that lol i wanted to throw up when i saw it)

so i switched couches and the butterfly followed me and went on my head so i shoo’ed it away

the next day after it had happened a lady who had a third eye/some sort of spiritual power said my grandparents visited last night and i guess i shoo’ed my grandpa away lol

anyways, going back to the rice grain thing, the faith healer knew i couldnt sleep well because my body has been burning for the longest time, so she put those 3 rice grains in a cotton ball and safety pinned it to my shirt

my mom said that her mom would often do the same thing to her sisters back when they were kids, it was really effective in to protecting yourself

i think its really crazy how theres so many spirits and the like in philippines, and also in vietnam and other asian countries as well. i thought it was because it was 3rd world countries or countries that had been colonized

i searched it up and 1) when PH was colonized, the conquestors often scared them with stories about spirits and 2) when the angels had fought lucifer and his army out of heaven, alot of them fell on earth, landing on the islands of PH

we all packed our stuff last minute and my mom was having a hard time since everything could not fit in the luggage, i told her just to put everything in our large balikbayan box and she refused, she eventually gave up (even the stuff barely fit inside the box). we left at 1am that day for the airport at manila and man, i guess i’ll miss ph

our stopover was at incheon again and this time we had more time to buy stuff at the airport. my mom bought her starbucks mug in which she was excited about. i bought another macaron and planned eating it on the airplane but my mom misplaced it & once we came back i found out it was smashed lmfao

i went to the duty free store and looked around for some snacks, the ladies were rly kind in helping me, i tried speaking in korean but had no luck at all lol all i said was kamsamnida after they had helped me

while waiting for our flight, my mom and aunties were telling us about stories about our other auntie since she’s really mean and all lol we were all curious to why she had treated everyone so unkindly basically the their whole lives

my cousins dont like this specific aunt and i dont have a good judgement of her either but my other aunt told us to always be kind despite that. 

i had planned to watch the rest of my kdrama on the plane but i knocked out for 9 out of 11 hours of the flight

the men at the airports where they check our passport were so handsome omfg. the ones both at manila and san francisco like... so... handsome. i told my mom that they’re really good looking and she assumed it was because they were light skinned but even if they werent light, they were SO handsome like i dont discriminate against color man if youre handsome you are HANDSOME

arrived back at SF at 2pm and my manang welcomed us by making us cajun shrimp and it was literally the best meal ever ugh i miss american food

i had school the NEXT day, and i had barely realized that i signed up for a class at UC DAVIS instead of sacramento and oh my god i was truly fucked up lol (ended up fixing it tho)

i checked up on my character on maplesaga and found out that literally everyone had outleveled me like ok fuk 

to summarize the 3 weeks there, my skin did not get better at all lol. although we were originally going to stay for 2 weeks, my mom couldnt fix our flight time and ended up staying there longer. despite it being dreadful at times, im really lucky that i had met a faith healer the 3rd week for my eczema. if i had left the 2nd week, i would not have been healed (the doctors here in u.s were completely useless so...) i was sick 80% of the time of the trip which made me feel bad lol but its my immune systems fault :-/// im really prone to extreme changes in weather, so coming from a 50 degree city to a 80 degree country took a toll on my body. it was the same back at home, during the summer the weather was often bipolar so that also took a toll on my body

anyways its so good to be back home except for the piles of homework stacking up ;__;

[my-edgy-truth-blog]

My past mistake (or should I say... it should've worked)

I know the exact date in which I did it but I'll only refer to the month: April. This year. It was the start of a small break from school. I decided to give up on life. That morning of not having school, I knew my mom was working so I had it prepared and thought out. My dad lived somewhere else but he didn't have the key. I heard him knock in the morning but I didn't answer so he'd think I'm not there. We usually hang out when there isn't school. I had a 7 paged letter on my iPad ready to send to a group chat when I was ready to begin. The group chat included people who were more close than others in my life. But anyway, I set up a playlist to listen to until I black out. I also drank some vodka with a mix of soda and other alcohol. I also downed a half bottle of Nyquil and some Dayquil and some pills to up the toxin in my body. I stopped once I felt woozy and felt like I was going to throw up. Instead I kept it all in and my insides felt like shit. I sent the 7 paged letter and passed out on my bed not long after. I woke up terrified and groggy at the same time when my father was at the front of the house again but this time, he was banging the door and windows, shouting my name which made my head hurt even more. I figured my step sister told him to get me (she was in the group chat, also in another state so she told my dad to save me). I felt like my brain was going to burst if he kept banging and shouting so I eventually opened the door and he asked me what did I take or drink. I replied that I just took medicine.. which was technically true.. but the way I said it was too tired and slurred and my breath gave it away too. He told me to get into his car and I gave in since I was already found out and there was no escaping. I hid my bloody arms behind my back as I got in. The car door was still open and I felt so dizzy and sick to my stomach. My dad was still talking to me but I couldn't make it out as my mind was at the pit of my stomach and I was going to burst. I couldn't keep it in me any longer. I had to let my arms clutch my stomach and let my dad know I needed space as I lowered my head and upper body. He saw the scars and started crying as I threw up so much on the concrete driveway. I heard my dad talking on the phone in which I assumed it was the police or the ambulance or whatever. He first thought I was puking blood but he soon found out it was actually the Nyquil. Police and ambulance arrived 1 second later after I finished throwing up. Police questioned me as to if I was intentionally trying to hurt myself or if this was an accident. I couldn't speak much as I kept choking on my tears and the taste of my vomit. I couldn't really open my eyes as the sun hurt and was very blurred. So I didn't see clearly if the police or other men helped me onto the hospital bed into the ambulance bus. My dad drove in his car to the hospital to see me there. They took my vitals inside the bus. They gave me a vomit bag in case I needed to empty more of my stomach. There was nothing left in my stomach. Instead, I closed my eyes shut the entire ride since I could barely see anything anyway. The inside of my head was bouncing and my stomach still felt like shit even though I couldn't throw up anymore. When I got there, I got into those hospital gowns and room that a nurse helped me with since my limbs felt like sinking most of the time. My dad was beside my hospital bed and crying but subtly and when he was on his phone, I could tell what he was reading. I guess my note would be read by everyone then... it was a note that had a lot of cursing mainly aimed at myself. It also held things like saying to people to be a better person than me and just forget about me and don't worry since I was a bother, etc. Anyway it was mostly quiet in the room because I mostly took naps to calm down. I noticed the hospital didn't give me medicine but only an iv bag maybe because of throwing up all the toxins I've downed. For the time I was awake, my dad just asked me questions, I let the nurse know to not let any of my friends in or rather my dad did but I told him to tell the nurse, and my mom came in from work (crying.. but I stopped crying.... she's one of the reasons why I did this but nowadays she doesn't know that). Eventually in the afternoon, I had to be taken in a van with a police man to go to a baker act facility. (A baker act facility is basically a mental hospital that holds you for a few days if you're a danger to yourself and/or others) I was taken there and I was still in the hospital gown. I had to get checked for vitals and a smuggling search. Regular procedure. It was new to me though since I've never had been caught with hurting myself in general. That's how it works. Even if you cut, you can get sent to baker acting either by your guardians or authorities. That's how it works. My mom already knew I cut but I didn't get sent thankfully. Even though being baker acted was a pain and I mainly wanted to go home and cry in my own comfort and possibly die of grief, I did meet some kids around my age who were kind enough to greet me since tbh I didn't want to speak up or anything until some kid greeted me and I rarely said anything until it evolved into friendships. It was basically nothing ever happened before and we can freely joke about our pain and not have people false pity us since we were all from a similar situation. The only pain was visiting hours in which my parents came and we all just got awkward and ghh. Though I did get a visit from my bro since he got access maybe because he's from the navy. It was a little stressing but it worked out. Anyway I stayed at the facility for 6 days, taking up my break from school. I had to go back though the following Monday. My friends gave me hugs and whatnot. It was nice of course yet my pain would still linger every now and then. So much drama and so much to deal with since what I did. It is my fault. It always had been. Half of me wished I hadn't attempted suicide, the other half wished it worked.

[kgysj-blog]

day 3 - 4/27/17

dear depression, hiya again!! ill just get right into it for the day since im a little late doin my daily post haha okay so i had a cute outfit sat out for school today & i got up at 7:05 & the tardy bell rings at 7:30 so i just threw on the cute outfit & straightened my hair really really fast & i had no time to do my make up so i went to school without that shiz. during first period (english) we watched wuthering heights again & it was super good. idk i just have some weird thing for doomed love stories it's weird idek.. lol. then i went to second period (math) and we got our tests back & i made a frickin 99 bc i forgot to change the sign on one of the problems & it made me hellllllaaaaa mad ugh but its gucci. we went over some more problems but ford made them harder and challenging for the people that don't pay attention i guess bc they weren't hard for me or connor lmao. i was in a great ass mood and i got to break and i was walkin in and chezly was walkin out and this nigga picked me up and took my to a chair & sat me down then patted my head and I ab died hahahahah i love that dude. then i ate two pieces of pizza at break bc it's good as shit. then i went to third period (anatomy) and did this learnsmart thing & i was actually really surprised bc i knew a few of the answers without having to go back and read on it so that was good. i finished w half an hour to just chill so i played the beer pong game on my phone (which im good as frick at might i add). then i went to fourth (economics) and we had an open book test which im pretty sure i most likely failed l o l but it's fine im fine. after that ky was crackin me up the entire time idek why i was laughing like a dumbass the whole time hahahaha but brett kept telling me shit wasn't really funny & all that & he's usually not like that and it really annoyed me tbh. like i can laugh at whatever tf i want, take ya bitter ass and go on somewhere bih. everyone was just in a really good mood i loved it (other than Brett, lol) then i went and sat in bakers w the rest of my buddies and it was like every single thing was funny and i felt happy it was weird idek i was just happy and relaxed & laid back. Andy looked over to me & he was "seriously everyone is in a good mood today" and it made me happy bc i love it when my friends are happy. so anyway, i went to career tech & i made up this test from like 2 weeks ago & i made a 100 on that bit and it put me in a good ass mood. then we had this practice sheet & i was answering correctly left and right & it was just good. then i was walking to the bus & i looked at Ry & i was like "im just really happy right now like im in such a good mood and i have been all day" and she said it makes her happy to see other people happy & that made me happy/sad bc i don't think she is.. i don't like when other people have problems bc i have a ton & it really does suck. well when i got to the bus i had a text from my bud that im not supposed to be talking to. it was just a game request thing but... why are we still talking? i am supposed to be on like my fourth or fifth day without him.. i think he's scared of what ill do if we cut off contact completely idk. he's the one that came up with the idea but now he's the one texting me. i mean im not complaining bc i dont know how id feel or be doing if he wasn't talking to me but ya know im just really confused. we played a few games & he stopped replying which i understand but, like i said, im just v confused. i slept when i got home from like 5-8. it was nice bc no practice. but i actually have some feelings to talk ab now lmao here we go. i think i have an over thinking issue. i mean i know a lot of girls do but for some reason i feel like mine is super bad. i psycho analyze EVERYTHING. its honestly ridiculous. also, i heard this song on the country radio & it reminded me of summer & Peyt and it made me sad so i turned it off bc no sadness :) i just wish i didnt have problems and we could work one day :/ last week its like i had come to the conclusion that he was ready to be done which meant i had to be obviously & i was hella fucking depressed and cried every single day but it wasn't all bc of him. i just have those kinds of problems & for some reason i couldn't control myself last week it was strange. last week it's like i had come to terms w being done w him & then he texts me on friday and tells me we need to talk in person and clarify some things & all that. well i thought what he said ab us needing to distance ourselves meant we were done so i was confused on what else there was to say...? but anyway i was kinda looking forward to closure and all that in person. like finally getting to hear his thoughts face to face so he could get it all out and us be done and learn to move on. well he never texted me back about it and then at like 1 am Sunday morning he tells me we don't have to talk anymore? idk THE WHOLE THING IS A MESS. we talked and said we needed to not talk until i had bettered myself bc my cutting and all that scares the shit out of him (and all my friends) and that he feels he is part of the reason. it made me sick when i read that. i don't want him ever upset or scared or anything when he thinks of me... i felt really bad. but i was like okay ya know we are gonna have to learn to not have each other soon anyway so i guess starting now would be helpful. and i was completely on board. and now we've talked every single day. and its so confusing idek. I just know i still love him and for some mf reason i can't change it and its embarrassing bc i feel like we will never be the same or even be together again. idek i just needed to get it all out :) i have sectionals tomorrow and i am really freaking nervous like REALLY NERVOUS but i need to chill out and focus so i can get top 3. i guess that's all for tonight.. goodnight :) love, g