#or hummus

[xensilverquill]

The silver lily moonwalker (Lunambulans argenti) is a large insectoflorid native to the cold steppe of the Sunken Continent. Moonwalkers spent most of their lives buried up to their shoulders in mud or sandy soils in loose, semi-social groups known as bouquets. It displays a distinctly heliotropic behavior with its facial disk constantly trained on the sun through the course of the day. For approximately one week around the full moon, entire bouquets will travel by night to find new and more fertile rooting grounds.

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[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

[gillipop-plus]

edit: i meant bug lollipops im sorry T^T

[blorbocedes]

at this point I think at a personal level we need to look at the BDS movement carefully and try to implement it in our lives. your local cafe can make a starbucks quality caramel macchiato without co-signing genocide. learn how to pirate if you wanna watch Disney+ shows. lots of other shoe brands than puma! you've never needed a sodastream water in your life. instead of hungover mcdo beef grease fries, order some delicious latkes. and so on and so forth....... the power of the US dollar, and the euro/pound is quite unparalleled. so use it! make it publicly embarrassing to be seen with these brands, for influencers to advertise it, force their hand until they publicly cut ties with an apartheid regime, or watch their stock price plummet.

[gothhabiba]

Good morning, white food writer. I hope you had a pleasant nap... Let's play a game.

You will find, on the table in front of you, several plates of appetizers and main courses commonly associated with Egypt and the Levant; also a typewriter, provided for your convenience. Your task is to write a description and assessment of the food in front of you.

You may have also noticed a small metal ring around the base of your tongue. Pardon me for the liberty, but you will soon understand why it was necessary... every time you use any of the following words—pay attention, I will repeat them only once—the ring will tighten just a little. I hope your tongue isn't that important to you.

Ahem. The words are: "exotic"; "oriental"; "heady"; "eastern"; "traditional"; "sheikh"; "lusty"; "carpet"; "hookah"; "decadent"; "intoxicating"; "ancient"; "colourful"; "debauchery"; "luxurious"; "oasis."

Good luck...

[julieterbang]

mxriyum

[visualsine]

no my dad is not the same one from the goddamn reddit post. he is not fucking the hummus either .

[lvl100hummuswarrior]

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[eat-well-hydrate-work-out-sleep]

[daily-deliciousness]

Chicken souvlaki

[hummusklok]

this was only meant to be a doodle but the unyielding force of pickles in a maid dress overtook me and now here we are

i have so many of these stupid images saved for mtl memes vhdjbdbjbjfd just u waiT

[fatty-food]

(via Instagram)

[loganslowdown4]

Guys do you know what day it is????

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

That’s right, it’s the DAY BEFORE HUMMUS DAY!!!!

[visenyaism]

the years of therapy necessary for me to be alive happy in a string bikini and absolutely housing this massive fucking sandwich on the beach right now kind of paying exponential dividends ngl

[panelshowsource]

♥ happy valentine's day ♥

[boudicca]

(this hummus recipe also includes a recipe for dagga, a spicy/garlicky topping from palestine) (this is a link to a rotating list of gaza evac fundraisers)