#or no maybe you can only work with him after working with another abno | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

your-daily-biaswrecking · 4 years ago

Text

Serva me, Servabo te

save me and I will save you

pairing: photographer!Taehyung x f.reader

genre: angst, some fluff, slight enemies to lovers

word count: 9.1k | reading time: 55 min

chapter summary: you leave the Manor after all and have to suffer the consequences (of being away from Taehyung)

warnings: bitch [affectionate], this is just an emotional rollercoaster and that is all

A/N: Title from the song Truth is by Sabrina Claudio. Also, this is the last proper chapter of this story. An epilogue is all there is left. Thank you for reading this far:)

All chapters | Masterlist | Read on AO3

Chapter 8: Truth is I'm dishonest

It was only the second time it happened, yet it felt so natural -to be pressed up against his body, to feel his hot breath fan the back of your neck, his arms wrapped securely around your torso- that you feared you had already become accustomed to waking up next to Taehyung. As if it was something that you’ve been doing for years, or perhaps something you’ve been missing out for just as much. In a state between sleep and wakefulness, you nuzzled closer to him, your dreams and reality merging since they both were starring this man, anyway. You took in his scent and the warmth of his company, willing to stay drowsing just a little longer. Because if you had to open your eyes, you would have to face more than you were ready for. But just the act of trying not to wake up is bound to wake you up faster.

“Ames?” you heard the whisper behind your ear, the man that had obviously woken up long ago and had stayed still and silent just to enjoy you in his embrace for as long as he could, had noticed you move, or even your breathing change.

Your eyes shut tighter as if something like that would get you back where you wanted to be. But there was no point; you exhaled through your nose and turned around to bury your face in the photographer’s neck. Your eyes still closed but the privilege of sleep clearly gone.

A hand started rubbing your back, warming you up and you were certain you would be purring like a kitten if you could. “Did you sleep alright?” he asked you, still whispering, even though he had determined you were awake. You could hear the smile in his voice.

You nodded slightly, your nose rubbing against his skin. Your hand traveled around the back of his head and dipped in his hair, feeling like that meant he was even closer to you than before. He took it as a sign to snuggle into you as well, lowering his head in a similar way as your own. You could hear the deep breath he took as to drink you in. You didn’t want to pull away. What if you pulled away, and then you had to leave like you had said last night you would? What if you left and never got a chance to hold him like this again?

Maybe Taehyung could read your mind, or it just so happened that he was thinking of the same thing, because he didn’t move back; not for long. And you said nothing. What could you ever say? The only thing the two of you seemed to be speaking, in any case, was arguments, mockery, or small talk. None fit the moment. Right now you would need something a lot more substantial, something with an expression of true emotion or such. But you’ve both been hiding those well since the beginning, you wouldn’t cave now.

“The housekeepers must be here,” Taehyung told you after he decided he had to be the first to acknowledge the fact that you would eventually need to get out of that bed.

“Right,” you finally spoked your first words for the day, keeping your face yet unseen. “If there are any.”

The boy chuckled before he gently pulled you away to be able to look at you properly. You were taken a little aback by his image; it wasn’t the regular, bright expression, whether that was a teasing or a serious one. Taehyung had just woken up and yet looked somewhat tired; somewhat pale. His small smile on his lips, for sure, but it didn’t reach his eyes exactly. It made you instinctively want to kiss him in an attempt to fix him, which in return scared you into not doing it. Any time you felt the impulse to be loving to him, it scared you, since it was the opposite of your usual compulsions.

His eyes raked all over your person, expression getting even more bittersweet. “I’m sure there are. We can go see for ourselves.”

There it was: the suggestion you were avoiding. Did you really need to uncover the true state of this Manor? Was it more important than staying in this bed with him just some more, even if it was a matter of the supernatural or not? Almost like the answer was no, you buried your face back into his chest. His arms instantly tightening around you, as if to let you know he supported you in your choice. And you would have remained in that position till the end of time if it weren’t for that knocking on the door.

You both jumped. Looking towards the exit was only your second thought- the first being to look at him. But he was already staring at the door wide-eyed.

“You heard that, right?” you whispered.

He nodded, never taking his eyes off the door. Then he moved, releasing you in order to get up, and you almost reached for him, to pull him back.

“Hello?” he asked in a cold voice as he started throwing on whatever clothes were close-by and walking closer to the entrance.

“Uh- hello. Good morning, sir.” It was a woman’s voice that came muffled through the door. A melodic voice, probably belonging to someone young and even pretty. “I’m the housekeeper. Mrs. Kim told me you wanted to talk to me?”

Taehyung looked over his shoulder to meet your eyes, and you both kind of shrugged. Then he pushed the dresser out of the way and unlocked the door, because perhaps he wasn’t sure what would happen, but there was only one way to find out. And what you found was a tall, slim woman in her thirties, wearing a black and white uniform that resembled that of a french maid’s but was clearly different. With her hands fidgeting in front of her hips, she looked at the man in front of her and only glanced at you, not wanting her eyes to invade the private space of the room.

“I apologize if I woke you up, I thought I heard you talk,” she mumbled, lowering her head.

Taehyung quickly shook his head, stretching a hand out for added effect, too. “No, not at all.” He gave you another glance with his lips pressed together before turning back to her. “Do you work here?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Right…” It was clear that all Taehyung wanted to do was look at the woman with his own eyes, just to make sure there were no doubts of her existence, and now he didn’t know what else to do. His eyes running to the side, chacing you like they needed your help. “Well, we just-” he stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck, “-I guess we just wanted to meet you. Since we hadn’t seen you all this time at all.”

The woman’s eyes widened just a tiny bit. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I should have properly introduced myself.”

That was nice and all, but there was still one question left to be answered. “Yesterday-” you spoke, very lowly, voice almost unable to reach the pair by the doorway. But Taehyung heard you loud and clear, all of his attention and senses already attached to you.

“Oh, that’s right!” he called out. “We wanted to ask you about yesterday. Someone was at the bathroom in the west wing while my friend here was taking a shower. Was that you?”

The girl turned her eyes to the side as she thought about the previous day’s events. “I think so,” she finally said. “I’m sorry, I try not to enter rooms you are already occupying but sometimes I misjudge the situation. I think I only realized someone was taking a shower a little too late.”

Having heard what you wanted to, you lied further down the mattress, trying to keep out of sight under the covers. Because now that the case had been solved, it seemed all that more ridiculous and embarrassing. You felt the need to hide. Even though Taehyung never gave you any reason to feel that way. He just smiled at the housekeeper, thanking her, giving her a joke as an excuse for the awkward conversation, and then let her leave. He chewed his lip when he turned back to you. His mind was troubled, perhaps more than before. Should he get back in that bed with you, or was this your cue to leave? You had already expressed your wish to get out of that house. Could he ask you to stay one more night, or would that give away more than he wanted to show?

There was only one thing he could offer at that moment, that you couldn’t refuse. “Breakfast?”

Even though it had been undeniably established that there were more people there, you still were unable to see any of them as you walked down the corridor to reach your room. The touch of another human was obvious, however, in the little things all over the place: the clothes put away nicely, the made covers of the bed, the smell of cleanness in the air. You changed and moved downstairs to find the photographer making the promised meal. A simple plate of bread and toppings to spread over it with a mug of coffee.

You weren’t in the mood for food but munched on a slice of bread silently as you contemplated your next words, or actions. And Taehyung stayed silent as well, not because there wasn’t anything to speak of, but probably because he was curious to see you try and do that first. And he watched you as you ate, as you kept looking around the kitchen to avoid his eyes, as if that meant you could avoid him.

“So…” you sighed eventually. You had to, eventually, say something, right? You looked at him and thought about how you couldn’t read his expression; eyebrows frown like he was mad, eyes wide like he was begging of something, a smirk on his lips like he was indifferent to anything you had to say. You sighed again. “I guess the Manor isn’t haunted then?”

He chuckled. “I guess not.”

“I mean… you never know.”

“Right, no. We’ll probably never know the truth of what actually happens here.”

He quickly raised an eyebrow before he looked down to take a sip from his coffee. His words felt like they weren’t actually referring to anything abnormal that had occurred. Then again, everything that had happened, and especially between the two of you, was abnormal. So, so abnormal… Perhaps it was you and your relationship who made this vacation metaphysical.

“And what happens here…”

“Stays here,” he finished your sentence. “I remember. Don’t worry.”

This conversation felt so much like a goodbye, and you hadn’t even made up your mind on what to do yet. Maybe Taehyung already knew; maybe he knew you better than yourself. You had told him you would leave first thing in the morning, and even though the housekeeper had shown up, it was in no way assurance for you to stay another night. Would it even be worth it? Who could predict what kind of chaos would ensue and if you would end up scared and wired one more time, just so that you can spend one more day with the photographer you were supposed to hate?

“The sky has cleared up,” he mumbled, looking out the window when you had stayed too long in silence.

You followed his gaze as if it was your first time noticing that the rain had stopped- and perhaps it was. “That’s nice.”

One might think this was an awkward type of small talk, when in reality it was a sad disguise of what was really being said: it was now safe to leave this place. There were now no more excuses to keep you there. If you wanted to stay, you would have to admit it first. You would have to admit that this man was the only reason you wouldn’t leave. Basically, saying you will stay after all was just as bad as saying you had feelings for the man.

And now, you couldn’t do that, could you?

“When are we supposed to check out?” you asked him, even though you knew the answer to that. Perhaps you hoped he would answer something more, perhaps what you were doing was giving him a chance to ask you to stay.

“Tomorrow morning,” he mumbled. His fingertips running along the mouth of his mug. “You can leave whenever you want to, though.”

Great, he did the exact opposite of asking you to stay; he basically told you to leave. No… you knew that’s not what he actually meant. He wanted you to stay, you could feel that he did in a hard-to-explain way. But he would never say that out loud. And how could he expect you to do that when he couldn’t either?

“I…” you murmured. It was hard to decide what the rest of that sentence would be, but now that you had started it, you had to finish it. You had to hurry up and make up your mind, even when your mind was a mess. “I…” I’ll stay, just say it. How much will he really judge you for it? “I will…” stay one more day, it’s not too scandalous. He watched you with a blank face, a face that seemed uninterested when in reality he was burning up inside just as much as you were. And he licked his lips, ready to speak for you. Ready to say what he was really thinking about this.

“I will leave in an hour.” The words surprised you when they reached your ears, as if they hadn’t just left your own mouth. And if Taehyung was surprised too, he hid it well. Simply took in a deep breath and looked away, nodding sharply.

“Very well…” he whispered, his voice almost breaking from how low it was, before clearing his throat.

The way he dismissed you so quickly, got up and left the kitchen, let you know you had made the right choice. Why stay there one more night just for him? Hadn’t you both specified how you felt about each other? How this was nothing but a means to survive this week, and it would be over the moment you stepped through that front door? You would go back to being enemies- or even worse, strangers. And it was what you wanted, wasn’t it? What you truly wanted was to never see him again, not spend a few more hours in his arms. Right?

The fire was out. When you walked into the sitting room to check if you had any books forgotten in there, it was cold and empty. The fireplace was for the first time unlit. So, that wasn’t a magic fireplace. Or if it was, if that fire was really the heart of this living house that had to keep burning in order to stay alive, it had been left to die out. You weren’t sure what that meant, but you did notice the way the hair on your skin stood and the way you immediately left the room as if by instinct.

You didn’t see Taehyung as you got back to your room to start packing up. The longer you didn’t see him, the more certain you were of your choice. You were only confused and acting weird when he was around, to stare at you and put you on the spot, unable to think straight. When he was gone, you could think clearly; and you knew that staying one more night in this Manor for a man you should have nothing to do with wasn’t worth it. Not when he didn't even have to balls to ask you to.

But still, you dragged everything out. You packed your clothes at the slowest pace you could muster. You paused all the time just to stare at the door. You stalled even your breathing as you stalled everything else you could think of. But no Taehyung appeared to stop you. And in the end, you had to drag your suitcase down the stairs and toward the front door. The action alone made your heart race and you weren’t sure if it was excitement for finally leaving the haunted place, nervousness of your last chance to change your mind, or pain of parting from something you had kind of liked. You opened the door and stilled there, looking over your shoulder around the hall, thinking about whether you were forgetting anything.

Kiss him.

The little voice inside your head took you off guard. You were forgetting to kiss him one last time, while you were still in that house where the rules would allow it.

You shook your head. Ridiculous. You did not need to kiss Kim Taehyung goodbye! He isn’t your boyfriend, Amy, get that through your thick skull already. Do you think people kiss their hook-ups before kicking them out of the house? Do you think he is interested in, I don’t know, giving you a big hug and telling you to drive safe? Pulling you back in to beg you not to go? He wasn’t even around. Lost in one of the many rooms of the Manor and avoiding your presence, just like it had all started.

This place had infected you with a disease called Kim Taehyung and you had to get out of there as quickly as possible to get better. You closed the door and didn’t even look back.

But even as you were in your car, on your way far from there, your mind was still tainted. Scenes of the boy and you constantly repeating in front of your eyes, almost making it impossible to pay attention to the road ahead of you. Images innocent, like the ones when you were cooking together or reading by the fireplace, as well as sinful ones. Like the ones where instead of cooking, you were making out on that kitchen counter with his fingers knuckle deep inside of you. And the ones where instead of reading, you were shouting and pulling his hair, about to burst not from the warmth of the fire but something more.

Perhaps it would take a little longer to recover from this affliction.

The way back home seemed shorter than when you were originally going to the Manor. Maybe it just seemed that way because you already knew the route, or maybe you had completely dissociated, barely even realizing you were driving, your mind undeniably elsewhere, and you didn’t notice when or how you finally got there. In front of your house.

You pushed the door open with your back, hands full of your luggage, any kind of focus missing, and it didn’t even cross your mind that you were about to face more people once again, until you heard Yoonji scream. It pulled you out of your trance and your head whipped towards the source of the sound, immediately turning back, your eyes shutting tightly when you registered the naked limbs interweaved together.

“Gosh, Yoonji!” you groaned, shaking your head and closing your eyes even harder, like that would make you unsee things.

“Ames!” she exclaimed, her voice out of breath. “You’re back!”

You sighed and dropped your suitcase. “What have I told you about sex on our couch?” you complained.

“We thought you were coming back tomorrow…” the girl sniffed.

“That doesn’t make it- Is that Jimin?”

“Hello…” his sweet, high-pitched voice ringed through the room. Of course it was.

“Hey, Minnie,” you sighed. “Are you guys decent now?” When they agreed, you turned around to find Yoonji with just a white shirt on that barely covered her butt and Jimin with his black boxers and nothing else. You rolled your eyes. “That’s not what decent means.”

Your roommate ignored your words and ran to you, her arms wrapping you in a big hug. “Bitch, I missed you so much!” You let her rock you side to side, your body limp, and not because you didn’t reciprocate the sentiment. You just had an immense feeling of fatigue and hunger, and perhaps even something you wouldn’t admit, and you thought you would either crack up or sink down.

“How was it?” Jimin called from the couch.

“Put a damn shirt on, then I’ll talk to you!” Not that the view wasn’t pretty or anything, but you knew your roommate you flick your forehead any time you looked at her man, and that didn’t seem fair when he was basically naked there.

“Why are you back today?” Yoonji asked you after she pulled away and guided you to the living room. “I was expecting you tomorrow.”

You groaned. “Uh, right. Long story.”

“I know,” Jimin chirped and your blood ran cold. “I bet she fought with Tae.” Oh, okay, no he had no idea.

But Yoonji took one look at your pained expression and thought she knew, too. “I told you she hated the guy!” she exclaimed, addressing the boy over her shoulder. Excited as if she had just won a bet.

That reminded you of your conversation with the photographer the previous night, about the rumors you had spread. You pointed a finger at her face. “You… you say too much, twit!”

Jimin, now properly dressed, came and sat next to you. “So, what happened? You really couldn’t last another day with him in the same house? He’s an asshole, I know… But, like, did something happen? Should I be worried about what I’ll face when I meet him?”

You sighed. “Nah… Nothing happened. I don’t think he’ll have anything extraordinary to tell you.” At least so you hoped. And as you watched the pair talk back and forth about what they guessed your relationship with Taehyung was the past few days -both of them nowhere near the truth- you decided to change the subject. “So, you two back together I assume?”

“Ah!” Yoonji exclaimed like she had just realized herself. “Yes, what’d you think? Also, you’d know that already if you actually answered your phone, you bitch!” she scoffed at you with her chin raised high.

“I had no signal!”

“You fucking ignored me and you know it!”

You shared an understanding look with Jimin before he started rubbing his girlfriend’s back and giving her some sweet talk to excuse you. And Yoonji immediately succumbed to his touch. They were really cute together, perfectly complementing and balancing each other out, and you were happy to see them like this again. You were always happy to see them together. Although at the moment your smile conveyed something more than pride; something sad. And you almost didn’t want to look at them too long.

“Is that what you wanted to tell me?” you asked Yoonji to bring them back to earth. “With all those dramatic texts and missed calls. That you got back together?”

"Oh,” they both said rather at the same time. And then they glanced between them, communicating with their eyes something you were left out of. You didn’t care, but as I said earlier, you were tired and hungry and you just kind of wanted to be over with this welcoming conversation with the couple, as mean as that sounds.

But they turned to you with rosy cheeks and smiles they were trying to control. It made you worried, really. “We have an announcement to make,” Jimin said.

“Oh, no.”

“We’re moving in together!” Yoonji shrilled.

You were frozen, not knowing how to respond. You really couldn’t do this right now, you already had too much on your mind. You simply didn’t have the mental capacity to process her words. But the two of them stayed staring at you, with their toothy smiles that turned more uneasy the longer it took you to react. So you had to say something, and what you said was a plain: “Why?”

She puffed, her mouth dropping. “Girl, what do you mean why?”

That was the wrong reaction, apparently. “Uh-”

“I asked her to move in with me,” Jimin chimed in with a shy smile. “My new apartment has plenty of room for both of us, there is no reason for you to be squeezing into this tiny place together.”

“Okay…” you grunted. It sounded wrong, like it was happening too fast. But if you think about it they have been together for three years. This is what normally happens with relationships. Just because you have never been in a serious one long enough and still have the maturity of a high schooler doesn’t mean your friends aren’t allowed to grow. “Okay,” you repeated more confidently. “But what are y'all gonna do when you break up every other week, huh? You’ll just be back here half the time, Yoon?”

They both laughed, either because they predicted the question or because they had the same one themselves. But the girl shook her head. “No, no… We won’t break up anymore.” You just raised an incredulous eyebrow at her. “No, I promise! You don’t think we can do it? It’s not like we ever broke up seriously. We can stop whenever we want to.”

It seemed like there was nothing left for you to do but be happy and supportive. Because even if what Yoonji was promising doesn’t happen, it was obvious they both wanted to try. And frankly, that alone was a big deal. That alone was a lot more responsible and brave than anything you had to show for. And she wasn’t wrong by the fact that their break-ups have been a joke up until now, anyway. If they wanted to stop, then you were optimistic they could.

It was a good distraction, too. A whole week of packing Yoonji’s things up, or talking about packing up, helping her move, or talking about moving. It was good. Because that way you didn’t have to talk about anything else. You didn’t have to think about anyone else. Well, you didn’t have to… but that didn’t mean you didn’t. It was hard when everything reminded you of him. Ramen- like what you ate on your first day there. Cards- like the games you played that brought you so much closer. Vogue magazine, cameras, candles, windows, sweater vests, music, coffee… Okay, perhaps some of them were a stretch. But you couldn’t help the fact that your mind searched for and found him in every little thing.

You hadn’t heard from him at all, not even really knowing if he even got back home or vanished in that Manor, but you assumed that you would have known if it was the latter. The silence ached you, yet what did you expect? You had been the one to ask to forget about everything once back in your normal lives, and he was just keeping his promise. Why were you mad he was keeping a promise you made him make? Then again, he is such a dickhead, always doing whatever he wants; if he wanted to break a promise he would. And perhaps that’s why you were mad- because his silence meant he didn’t want to.

If your emotions were a complicated mess, it became obvious on Yoonji’s last day in your apartment. You had decided to make it a girls’ night as a farewell. Very quickly, it turned into a drunken confessions’ time.

“I don’t want you to leave,” you whined at your not-for-much-longer roommate.

She gave you a pout. “Baby, you know we’ll still see each other every day.”

But you shook your head. “No, it’s not the same. I’ll be living alone. You’ll leave me all alone.” You didn’t want to tell her why you hated that so much right now.

“Think of it this way: you’ll have the whole place to yourself! And you won’t have to run into Jimin and I fucking on the couch anymore.”

You laughed before regaining your grumpy expression. “You don’t understand… I love you and I want to spend all my time with you.”

Yoonji frowned at you, chuckling at your weird choice of words. Sure, it was no secret you loved each other very dearly, but what with the alcohol, tears, and all, you sounded different. “Girl… Are you confessing to me?”

You turned to look at the girl as if you had forgotten she was there. And then you cried, throwing a whole tantrum right in front of her. “Ow, come on! Don’t go! Like, you guys fight all the time, anyway. We don’t fight though. We live together in this house so nicely, don’t we Yoon?”

The girl’s face got more serious; not in a bad way. She looked more like a mum or a teacher ready to give you a life lesson. She wrapped her arms around your body and pulled you closer, cuddling you and stroking you lovingly. “You’re worried about how I’ll be…” she mumbled.

You sniffed. “No, I’m only worried about me.”

“I know it looks like that to other people; that we fight a lot and that’s bad,” Yoonji continued, because she knew you were not emotionally strong enough to express what you actually felt right then. And she wanted to console you. “But in reality, if the other person does or says something that hurts you, fighting about it is the best option. Grudging, or pouting, or making a scene is good because you show that this offended you. You establish your boundaries and teach the other person how you want to be treated. And you give them a chance to make things right.”

Up until now, you thought Jimin and Yoonji only fought for the attention. That it was never that deep. Something annoys Yoonji, she makes a scene, they “break up” and then get back together again. Again and again. You could never be like that; if you broke up once with someone, you’d stay broken up out of spite. Even if you didn’t want to.

“But isn’t it always better if you don’t have to fight in the first place?” you mumbled. Isn’t the ideal relationship supposed to be perfect, where your partner never does anything to hurt you?”

But Yoonji shook her head. “People always make mistakes. If you don’t react or say anything, that doesn’t make you cooler than someone who complains. Because their words or actions won’t have hurt you any less. You are still offended and hurt, it’s just that this way, instead of letting it all out and allowing the other person to learn and fix their mistake, you keep it all bottled up. And you suffer in silence, and things that didn’t have the chance to get fixed keep piling up, until one day all those little mistakes become a big one that can no longer be fixed.”

You sniffed, then buried your face in her neck. You hated when Yoonji started being all serious, talking nothing but the truth. She was supposed to be the crazy one between the two of you. If she had reached the point that she was giving you advice, how far down must have you fallen into a close-minded pit?

You sniffed again. “And… that works?” you said, your voice barely over a whisper. “If you just say what bugs you every time, nothing but honesty, that won’t make everybody just tired of you? They won’t just leave you?”

Yoonji chuckled. “Are you tired of me?”

You immediately held her tighter. “Never!” you shouted. And she laughed even more.

“And has Jimin left me?” You quickly shook your head. “I may have had many, many little problems with my boyfriend, but I have never had a big one.”

At that point, it would just be lying if you said she wasn’t right. And anyhow, she was the one with an amazing boyfriend who just asked her to live with him, not you. You keep making fun of Yoonji for always fighting with Jimin, yet right now, between the two of you, who is really happy and who is miserable? She must be doing something right that you aren't. And perhaps that was it; the fact that Yoonji never, ever let something that she didn’t like simply go, whereas you never, ever admitted to having your feelings hurt. If somebody did something you didn’t like, you acted like it was your fault, and it was your duty to endure it with no complaints. But if you never tell the other that what they were doing is hurting you, how do you expect them to change? Time and time again, you get disappointed at people for not changing things you never asked them to.

When Taehyung hurt you by having a girlfriend while trying to get with you, instead of showing that, you avoided him for three years. You pretended you were fine; just didn’t like his character. And when you kissed again, after all this time, you ran away instead of explaining how you were too afraid to trust him as before. And instead of revealing it pained you that he didn’t make any effort to turn what you had into something more, instead of confessing you liked him, you left the Manor.

Even right now… you stay upset that he isn’t contacting you -when that’s what he thinks you want in the first place- instead of contacting him first.

“Fuck it,” you blurt out. “You’re right. You should tell people what hurts you.”

“Yeah, you should,” Yoonji chimed in, raising her beer to you.

“And you shouldn’t hide your feelings, you should just be honest.”

“Exactly! Now you get it!”

Even though it was clearly the alcohol talking, you didn’t back out of your decision. The next day you woke up determined to actually give this a try. You would do whatever you wanted to; what was the worst that could happen? Well, I guess that would be rejection. But, man, who cares? Rejection sounded better than waiting another three years until you get stuck in another haunted house with him for some progress.

In the morning, you drove Yoonji to her officially new house with the very last bag of her things. Which, in and of itself, was heartbreaking. Knowing that you could only hang around for a little while before you had to go back to an empty house, was even worse. Your friends let you stay for lunch, messing around just like the three of you always used to do. The only thing that had changed was the setting. And you guessed that wasn’t that bad after all. You had never seen them happier, and that was enough to make you happy for them while at the same time fidget around with a bit of jealousy.

You didn’t want to go back home alone… And it wasn’t even Yoonji that you missed.

The couple remained in the kitchen to do the dishes -they insisted there was no room for you to help- while you sat in the living room, watching TV. You thought about asking Jimin about his friend, but you weren’t ready for them to know. You had barely decided to talk to him, let alone the people who still thought you hated him.

You eyed Jimin’s phone on the coffee table instead. Then you glanced toward the kitchen; you couldn’t see them, but you could hear them giggling along with the running water. And even though you knew going through someone's phone was shitty, you swore it was for a good cause. So you grabbed it and punched in the password (obviously, it was their anniversary) and found the contacts’ app. Still checking over your shoulder like a paranoid, you quickly searched Taehyung’s name. But come back with nothing. You rolled your eyes when you realized there was no way Jimin would have his so-called soulmate with just his name. And when you took a look at his favorites, the beginning of the list was something like this: “Cutie Pie”, “Honey Bun”, “Ames”.

“Oh, thank God I’m just Ames,” you let out. Then looked at the first two names again. “What the fuck, Jimin? Which one is your girlfriend and which one your best friend? This isn’t right.” You unlocked your phone in your other hand. There was some silence from the couple, which made you sweat as you quickly compared Yoonji’s contact on your phone and Jimin’s. It matched with Cutie Pie. So, Honey Bun it was…

Step one of your plan was acquired successfully. Now all you needed to do was actually use that number.

You put it away, ignoring it for a good half of the rest of your day. Perhaps you had changed your mind. Although the silence of your home was so loud it made your skin crawl. You almost called him. Then you backed away again, opting for another beer instead. And you almost texted him, but you didn’t know what to write. Maybe you were just overreacting to Yoonji moving away and if you just waited a couple of days to get used to the new lifestyle, you wouldn’t even miss him anymore. Or maybe the longer you waited, the more chances you had to get rejected. If he ever did feel something, it might have been already gone. When you left him, or any second after that.

You called him. Your hands literally shaking as you pressed your phone to your ear. One beep and you were wondering if you were making a mistake. Another and you were almost certain of it. You went to lower your phone, ready to hung up, when you noticed you could hear more than the beeping from your end; you could hear a ringing, too. You paused, hesitated, your mind trying to put two and two together. And the call was ended before you had the chance to do it yourself. And the ringing stopped.

It’s not that you actually knew what you would find when you opened your front door; you hadn’t exactly gone through the whole thought process. But you weren’t surprised when you saw the exact man you were looking for only a couple of steps away.

“Tae?” you wondered with your eyebrows frowned.

He was facing away, hunched over his phone in his panicked attempt to silence it, frozen when he heard the door open, and especially so when he heard your voice. But his curiosity got the best of him and he turned around to face you. He knew his phone ringing had given his location away, but he hadn’t exactly expected you to get out because of it. I mean, the sound could have come from anywhere. Were you always this nosy?

But the phone in your hand gave him another idea. “Were you calling me?” he muttered.

You got flustered at his question. Took in a sharp breath, widening your eyes. “Were you waiting outside my door?” you shot back. Two can play this game.

You saw his eyes move around nervously, his expression admitting defeat. Then he licked his lips and dropped his head low. “I was— I came here because I wanted to give you something.”

Your mind raced with about a million different things he could be referring to, but couldn’t decide on one that seemed plausible. “Oh,” you simply mumbled. It suited you well, right? There was no need for an awkward phone call since he was already there; that way you could cut straight to the awkward declaration. “Okay. Come in.”

You pulled to the side, opening the door more for him to pass next to you. Which he did with a small nod and his arms stuck to his sides as if he was afraid he’d get burned if he accidentally touched you. And then he was standing in the middle of your house, looking out of place. Which is when it really hit you; and you burned after all. Your entire body itching in his presence, your stomach in shambles, and you couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or excitement. Or both.

“So… What did you want to give me?” you asked after clearing your throat and determining he wasn’t about to speak first.

He looked you up and down. “Why were you calling me?”

His words had an instant impact on you as your nostrils flared and your cheeks blazed even harder. “I- I asked you first!”

“Uh…” He dipped his hand in the pocket of his jacket, jerking his head to the side like a nervous tic. And he pulled out a white envelope. “This…” he whispered as he slowly extended his hand to you.

That was the last thing you expected. So you frowned at his offering. “What is that?” you wondered, rightfully so. It was light in your hands and you couldn't even have a guess. Taehyung didn’t answer you, waiting for you to see for yourself. So you walked back to the couch and sat down before opening it, letting him follow you.

“These are yours,” he mumbled again.

Photos. The photos he had taken of you. The ones on your picnic, where you were shy at first, then all smiles and blushes after all that wine. The ones where he was hovering above you to capture the way you looked up at him; a view prettier than anything you had seen all day. Your eyes glowed and reflected more than you wanted to show -it was so obvious through his lens- and you asked yourself if he had always been able to see you in that way. The pictures he took of you in the garden. Pictures that seemed so much more mature, as if within just a couple of days you had become a veteran of the sport. They weren’t meek or suggestive like the previous ones; these were just beautiful. Poetic.

“Look,” Taehyung told you with a small smile he was trying to bite back, pointing at one of the pictures where you were crouched on the ground, looking at the camera over your shoulder. “We caught the fairies!” He was pointing at two bright dots blended in your hair. Overexposure of the light and the old machine resulting in the sun being trapped on the film like stars.

When you looked up, you met his eyes. And his face was close, just as much as you would have liked. You couldn’t help but smile, and once he saw your reaction, he revealed the brightest, biggest grin as well.

“You’re really talented, Tae.”

He seemed to get a bit flustered. “It’s easy when you’re that pretty.”

You matched his shy stance. It wasn’t the first time he had called you pretty, but it certainly felt different outside that Manor. It felt different when it was just in your regular home, on that crappy couch, with nothing romantic setting the mood. It was rawer, perhaps even more real.

“Thank you,” you replied, referring to everything. And you spread the pictures out of the coffee table.

Taehyung cleared his throat. “So? I think it’s your turn to tell me why you were calling me now.”

“Oh.” That was a hard question since you hardly knew the answer yourself. You didn’t have a specific reason like he did; mostly just wanted to hear his voice again. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About?”

You gulped. “Lots.” You found the courage to turn and look at him again, and his eyes were watching you like a soft touch. “I wanted to tell you, well- everything.” His tongue darted out, wetting his lips and catching your attention, as he scooted a bit closer, till his thigh was pressed against yours. Your mind got distracted, looking at his body and almost forgetting what you were talking about. “I have decided that hiding your feelings is lame—” you continued before losing your train of thought, “—and we should speak truthfully; straightforward; no holding back; word for word, exactly what we are thinking.”

Taehyung watched you carefully for a couple of seconds, but you didn’t notice any major changes in his expression. He met your eyes steadily and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay…” you breathed as well. And you looked at each other for a few seconds as your worry continued to grow, and you felt like you were already making a mistake, and you couldn’t think of a single thing out of the many you wanted to share. “You start!” you blabbed.

The photographer didn’t back down. He bit his lip, frowning as he reflected on the situation. And he hummed in the back of his throat. “Very well…” He thought about it a little longer. “Truth, huh? Well, truthfully… The photos were just an excuse for me to come here. I knew you’d be alone. I wanted to see you.”

He said it all so confidently. And it’s not like it was something that would have never crossed your mind; if you read between the lines it was obvious. But hearing it coming from him was different. It was so much better. Just because something goes without saying doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good to say it nevertheless. You liked that he admitted it; you liked that you weren’t hiding it anymore. Yoonji was right about being honest.

“Your turn,” he rasped, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Right.” You didn’t know what to say first, not wanting to dive right into the deep stuff. So you picked from where he left you. “I’m glad you came. It’s been a week and I was beginning to think you didn’t want to see me anymore.” Took in a breath, watched his eyes as he blinked at you. “I wanted you to want to see me again.”

Taehyung hummed, nodding along with your words. He scratched his chin. “I didn’t like that you left,” he came clean. “Not so much because one more day there would make any real difference, but I wanted you to choose to stay. I wanted you to want to stay with me.”

You gulped. And suddenly you remembered why you never did that whole honesty thing with people; it hurt when you were the one being held accountable. But you had started it and you weren’t going to back down now. So you nodded to his words as well, looking away for more comfort. “I understand,” you mumbled. “I wanted you to ask me to stay.”

Taehyung shifted in his place, leaning back to lay on the couch with a position that would normally look snugger, but at the moment looked more loaded with pressure. The palms of his hands rubbed his thighs. “Well, I guess then that’s on both of us for not communicating properly, huh?”

You chuckled- it was more of an attempt to relieve some stress from your voice. “This is why I said we needed to talk.”

He was immediately leaning forward again, right in your face. “Okay, what else do you have to say?” You balked. “What about when you said you wanted to pretend what happened there, never happened, and to forget about it right after we left… but now you’re telling me you were waiting for me to come to find you?”

Your lips stuck out in a pout. Why were you being attacked like this? And what were you even supposed to reply to that? You didn’t know either! “I-” you stammered. “I don’t know. I say a lot of things.” Then you looked down between your thighs where your hands were having a fight with each other. “I mean, I even said I hated you so many times. Did you believe that, too?”

It didn’t sound like your best answer, but when you heard the boy laugh, you relaxed a bit. “No, I didn’t,” he confessed. One hand landed on your knee to rub you sweetly. “But it’s hard to always know what you mean and what you don’t.” You chewed on your lip, not taking the liberty to keep the conversation going, mostly just focused on his hold on you. You knew he was trying to meet your eyes, but wouldn’t let him. And then he sighed. “So, what you’re telling me… is that… You don’t want to pretend nothing ever happened? You don’t want to let this go?”

Your eyes flew to the side, trying to find him, but you turned back down before exposing yourself. “When I said that, I meant it… I didn’t want this to be a thing.”

“And what about now?”

But you found the spite to turn the question toward him. “What about you?” you asked as you finally raised your head to look at him. “You said you don’t do relationships. Don’t you want to leave it all behind?”

His eyebrows twitched into a frown. “Are you saying you want to be in a relationship with me?”

“No!” you were quick to counter. And once again, your eyes fell on the floor. Spite short lived.

He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “I thought we agreed to be honest.”

You huffed, rolling your eyes because he was right but you hated it. “All I’m saying is that…” You felt like you were on the spot, didn’t like admitting to feelings even after you had made up your mind that it was the best way to go about it. You were really trying, it’s just that this wasn’t something you were used to. So you squirmed around, seeking to put your chaotic thoughts into a sentence. “Well, I don’t know what I want. But I do know that it hurt me when you basically said you could never see this more seriously.”

The photographer hurried to shake his head, his hand on your knee gripping you tighter. “I never said I don’t see this seriously. It’s always been serious to me, Amy. From day one.” His words caused your stomach to flip. And you dared look into his eyes one more time. And they were glistening. “Even if it was just having some meals with you, being your friend, kissing you, or even more, I always treated it with seriousness.”

You pressed your lips together. “But you don’t do relationships,” you reminded him of his own words. “It’s only serious for a couple of days that it lasts?”

“I don’t- I don’t do relationships because I’m not good at them, Amy,” he let out with a sigh. And he looked at you with hurt in his stare. “You of all people know that very well. You’ve been a good reminder of the fact.”

“Me?” It was a rhetorical question since you knew exactly what he was referring to. And you chewed on your lip, nervous about the conversation and about how you didn’t know how to react. Taehyung just kept staring at you, his expression not much changed, as if he had come to terms with this a long time ago. But you hadn’t. “That… I didn’t…” You really didn’t know what to say.

“It’s fine, I get it,” Taehyung relieved you of your duty to reply. “I’m not the best boyfriend. I try to improve, as we all do, but I know I have no right to ask you to give me a chance like that. I still try though, perhaps for the next person in my life that hasn’t heard about my terrible reputation by some miracle. Perhaps I can one day woo someone like that, and perhaps I can even be a decent partner for them, too. I know I won’t make the same mistakes again.” The hand that was lying on your knee moved to touch your own, holding it slightly, as if he was too scared to hold it more. “Just because I say I can’t be your boyfriend doesn’t mean I don’t take you seriously, or that I don’t like you, or even that I don’t want to. I liked every second we spent in that Manor together. But I’m willing to leave it all behind if that is what you want.”

There was a deep frown set on your features as you took in all that he said. Word after word, you analyzed it while you stared right where your hands were linked. And then you looked at him and spoke with the sweetest voice you could muster. “Taehyung, that’s all bullshit.”

It was almost funny how his whole jaw dropped. “What?”

“I asked you to tell me exactly what you’re thinking, exactly how you feel,” you began to explain with a louder, more confident voice than before. “You haven’t said one thing that is actually about you; just keep saying what you assume I think of you or I want to hear.” He closed his mouth then, perhaps because he saw truth in your statement. “When I say I want you to tell me what you want, I mean it. Tell me exactly what you want right now.”

There was a low growl in the back of his throat before he looked up to the ceiling and released your hand. He exhaled deeply. Because he had always been better with words than you, but that didn’t mean he was any better at showing his true feelings. “Well-” he finally began when you guessed he put his own messy mind into some order, “-just like you, I guess I don’t know what I want, either.” He turned to look at you and had a tiny smile on his lips. Perhaps from satisfaction he would say it out loud. “I don’t know how I want this to go from here on, not exactly. For now, all I know is that I would like to kiss you again. Right this moment, even. And after that, I guess I’ll find out.”

Even though you got flustered, you somehow managed not to look away. Keeping your eyes in his to take in all of the rest of his emotions that he wasn’t saying, but much like you in those pictures, he still couldn’t hide. And it was clear it was now your turn to speak. You sighed with a smile that had started to grow and was hard to fight back on your lips. “I get that,” you told him with a whisper. “I think I feel the same way. I’m not sure how I want this to end, but I know I don’t want it to end just yet.”

Both of his hands found yours right away, turning his body until he was facing you more properly. And in classic Taehyung manner, he smirked at you. “So… Does that mean I have permission to kiss you even outside that old Manor?”

Your smile reached its peek, giggling slightly as you leaned in and placed your lips softly on his. Both of your eyes fluttering closed. Taehyung’s hands coming up to cup your cheeks. And the butterflies in your stomach throwing a whole ass rave at his mouth on yours once again. But you pulled back before it got too heated. He searched your face worriedly, afraid he had done something wrong. Though you just wanted to say your thoughts out loud, like you had promised you would.

“Fuck that Manor and the rules we had in there. You have permission to do anything you want to me, Kim Taehyung,” you purred, before throwing yourself back in his embrace.

Epilogue

40 notes · View notes