#or pre parental panic over baby number five?

[lindyloosims]

Shawn’s new thing is to burst into song out of the blue. Hallie has tolerated it for a while but it’s starting to get on her nerves now!

SHAWN: Lalalalalalalala...

HALLIE: Fucking hell give it a rest!

SHAWN: *sighs* I’ll just couch dance then!

HALLIE: Whatever, just do it quietly!

[starbornvalkyrie]

what we could be | part three

catch up here.

trigger warnings: depictions of anxiety, panic attacks

“Hellooo?” The sultry female voice repeated.

At least Aelin is sure she doesn’t need to get her ears checked--it was definitely a woman who answered. She pulled the phone from her ear to double check the name she dialed. Indeed, Rowan, bird emoji, in bold white letters stares back at her.

In the background, Aelin heard the rustle of sheets. A mumbled male voice.

Aelin immediately hung up and threw her phone to the other side of her bed. She pulled her knees to chest, tucked her head between them, and forced herself to breathe in and out. In and out. In. Out.

The pounding in her ears threatened to pull her into the oblivion she always tries so hard to avoid. Aelin’s anxiety started showing face after her parents died, only to worsen after her Uncle Gavriel. Her first night in Arobynn’s foster care was also the first time she had a panic attack.

For Aelin, they come in the form of water. She starts in a room, which is more like a glorified box. The walls are either made of glass or a clear plastic, she can never get close enough to tell, and although there is no ceiling, the walls run farther and higher than her eyes can see. Her room-box is on a beach somewhere with wet sand at her feet. In the beginning, she tried to dig her way out, only to give up when each handful of sand was replaced by twice that. Until the sand was up to her knees, trapping her. It’s always night time, the sky starless. The only light is provided by the sliver of a waning moon over the horizon.

Then the tide begins to rise. There are no waves yet, just a gradual increase in water. It reaches her feet first, naturally, and by the time the water reaches the opposite wall of her room-box, it’s at her knees. Then the water bounces off the wall, creating ripples in the water that threaten to throw her off-balance.

The force of the waves intensifies as the water reaches her waist. And then she’s tumbling. The first few times, she can still reach the bottom to push herself to the surface. She’s been through this so much, she knows that after her third push she needs to try and take the deepest breath she can manage before she’s pulled under for good.

That happens next. She’s unsure which way is up or down, right or left. She tries to swim in whichever direction feels right, but the water is endless and she’s no longer in the room-box. She’s in the depths of the ocean, too far below to where there is no current to guide her, only nothing.

All too soon, she runs out of breath, but she would rather suffocate herself than inhale water. Either way, her panic wins. Aelin is never the target, without her they cease to exist. It’s that fire in her heart that the panic is after because without that fire, Aelin is no more. Her attacks are smart because they know there are two ways to extinguish a fire: deprive it of oxygen or get it wet.

Aelin is about to release the hold she has on her lungs when she feels something in her hand. In the water, she can’t tell what it is until another set of fingers interlace with hers. 

Then she’s being pulled. Pulled and pulled, up and up, until the black of the water fades to blue. She never knows when it happens, but when she finally breaks the surface, there’s sunlight.

Slowly, she becomes more aware of her surroundings. Below her, she feels the fabric of her bedsheets, not the grains of sand. Her skin is damp from sweat, not soaked with sea water. Her breathing, while still shallow, is beginning to even out. 

Her years of going to the university’s wellness center kicked in after a minute, and she began to list foods in alphabetical order in her head. Apples, bananas, cake. She wiggles her toes. French fries, grapes, hamburgers. She stretches her legs. Kiwi, lasagna, mangoes. She flexes her fingers, her arms. Oranges, popsicles, quesadillas.

In. Out.

Spaghetti, tacos, udon noodles.

Aelin lifts her head and opens her eyes. She blinks a few times and is finally able to focus on the soft forest green eyes staring back at her. They are so similar to yet completely different from the bright emeralds she longs to see.

Her best friend just sat there, holding her sweaty hand in hers until Aelin was ready to speak. She had to clear her throat a few times before she rasped, “A woman answered his phone.”

Lysandra’s eyes widened ever so slightly, but her face revealed nothing as she grabbed a glass of water she must have brought with her. Wordlessly, she handed it to Aelin. She downed half the glass in one go, then finished it in two more. She kept the glass in her hands, spinning it mindlessly as they talked.

“I don’t think you need me to tell you that it might not mean anything,” she said.

Aelin sighed. “I don’t think you need me to tell you that my mind isn’t exactly in the right place to be thinking of silver linings.”

“I know, I do, but we don’t need to freak out about it quite yet. I mean, you were going to go on a date with Chaol, right?” Aelin nodded weakly, seeing where she was going with this. “And he doesn’t actually know about the baby yet. So truly, he hasn’t done anything wrong, yeah?”

“I really hate when you’re right.”

“I think you secretly love it.”

The corner of Aelin’s mouth quirked up for a split second. “You’re as insufferable as my cousin.”

Lysandra barked out a laugh that made Aelin giggle. The sound was short-lived as the best friends were enveloped by silence once again.

Aelin contemplated what to do next, knowing Lysandra was exactly right. She was going to go on a date with someone else. So why did the thought of Rowan with another woman freak her out so badly? Gods, she was a mess. She really wants to blame it on the baby.

The baby.

Aelin touched a hand to her still-flat stomach and picked up her phone, knowing she needed to just rip the band-aid off. Her phone showed no new messages from Rowan, but why would he call his ex when he can be tangled in the sheets with the sexy-voiced woman? Not the point, Aelin. Right. She opened her text messages, scrolling to her conversation with Rowan.

Her heart clenched and silver lined her eyes when she saw that the last message he had sent her was on New Year’s Day. It read, Here’s to you and me in 2020, baby. I love you. Within 24 hours of that message, their relationship went to shit. Aelin doesn’t even remember what really happened, but next thing she knew, she was standing in an airport terminal crying, single, and unknowingly with child.

Aelin took a deep breath to calm her nerves and typed out a simple, Hey Rowan. I know we haven’t talked since you left, but I was wondering if you could call me when you’re free? Just let me know, thanks.

She locked her phone and crawled back under the covers. Effectively drained from her panic, the fire that was burning so bright when she woke up was barely an ember.

The sound of Lysandra moving about her apartment lulled her back into a dreamless sleep.

----------

Rowan Whitethorn was tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally. He was so gods damned tired. His old friend, Vaughan, told him that if he took just one really easy study abroad class, he’ll essentially get a semester long vacation paid for completely by financial aid.

Rowan had a free elective left in his crazy pre-law schedule, so he chose photography. Just taking pictures of random shit, right?

Wrong.

His brain is overflowing with random information about aperture and lighting and exposure, and if someone tells him his angles are wrong one more time, he’s going to lose it. On top of that, he was assigned a partner to work with this whole semester. And because there really must be a god out there whose sole purpose is to spite him, his partner is his unbearable ex, Remelle.

He and Remelle are from the same hometown and went to the same middle and high school. They started dating the summer before they left for college and decided to stay together at the University of Terrasen.

He wasn’t sure what it was exactly that made him realize Remelle was a Grade A Bitch, but by the end of fall semester, he ended it with her. Then he met Aelin through Fenrys, and - well, he doesn’t want to think about her right now.

Rowan has been in Wendlyn for about two months now, running around the city finding subjects for their project. Wendlyn is one of the biggest cities he’s ever been to, and even if he commutes everywhere he’s trying to go, it takes him a whole day to barely cover sixteenth of the land.

It wouldn’t be so bad if he had someone else to split the city with, but Remelle usually spends her whole day seducing whatever poor bastard she can get to take her to bed that night instead. He’d drag Fenrys along if he could, but he opted to take an Old Language class and is stuck in a classroom at Mistward Tech.

The weather in Wendlyn was finally beginning to warm up after weeks of blizzards and freezing temperatures that put Terrasen winters to shame, so Rowan chose to wander on foot. He spends most of the morning taking practice shots of Wendlyn architecture and anything else that might look nice for the project.

Rowan had to admit this was a nice excuse to go sightseeing.

By noon, he was feeling good about the progress he made and planned to reward himself with whatever delicious spread their hosts had prepared for lunch. He figured he was about an hour walk away from their housing, so he opted to call an Uber.

It took him about five minutes of rummaging through the camera bag before he finally found his phone. The sun was so bright at this time of day that the only thing he could see was that his facial recognition wasn’t working. Using muscle memory, he typed in his passcode when the faint lines of numbers appeared. That didn’t work either.

Growing more and more frustrated and hungry by the minute, Rowan walked until he found an awning to use as shade. Blinking away the blinding spots from his eyes, his frustration morphed into anger.

This wasn’t his fucking phone.

Since when did he and Remelle have the same phone? With almost identical cases? He cursed her for whatever plot she’s probably scheming by switching their phones. He cursed her again for being the reason he’s way too exhausted to realize the phone he packed that morning wasn’t even his.

Rowan decided to order a sandwich and water from a shop nearby - using Remelle’s card from the wallet attached to her phone, because fuck you, Remelle - and walk back.

As he walked, Rowan let his mind wander to the golden haired beauty with turquoise eyes across the sea - the source of his emotional exhaustion. He loved her, would go as far as saying he was in love with her. But something about their chemistry had exploded in the weeks leading up to his study abroad program, and not in a good way.

For lack of a better explanation, he was confused. From the moment he met her in his own apartment with Fenrys, he knew they were going to be something. Not even a month later, they went on their first date and the rest was history. Not only was their friendship instantaneously synchronous, but when they finally crossed that intimate threshold, their chemistry was like no other.

Fast forward two years later, and they were better than ever. Aelin fit in with his friend group so perfectly she officially dubbed them “the Cadre” and herself as their “Queen”. Rowan was starting to take his future with her seriously.

But then Lyria transferred to the University of Terrasen.

Rowan never told Aelin about her. He didn’t think he had to. They were childhood to middle school sweethearts, hardly anything substantial. She moved before they got to high school when her dad was transferred to the Air Force base in Eyllwe. They kept in touch as best they could, but it was high school. Remelle was there and Lyria wasn’t. When Aelin came along, he forgot about her altogether.

His first week of senior year, he was waiting for his comparative law class to start, when she sat down next to him. His emerald green eyes met startlingly familiar chestnut ones, and Rowan felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was lucky it was the first day of syllabus week - it didn’t matter if he paid attention or not.

They caught up over coffee and started studying together throughout the semester. He told her all about Aelin, and when he finally introduced the two women, they were fast friends. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but at some point, Aelin’s demeanor began to change.

She was usually so confident with herself and her place in the world, but every time Lyria was mentioned, her eyes shuttered for a brief second. If he wasn’t constantly enamoured with the constant shift from turquoise to gold in her eyes, he would have never noticed.

Then her jealousy began to show, along with her possessiveness. It was unbecoming of her. But every time he brought it up, her pride took over and she denied all of his accusations. Every time he tried to explain that he loved Aelin and a romantic relationship with Lyria was a thing of the past, she brushed it off with an I know but continued to act like a stranger.

When he felt he couldn’t take it anymore, he used his study abroad as an excuse to take a break. He thought it would be a good idea for the two of them to spend some time apart and re-evaluate when he was back in Terrasen. At this point in time, if she hasn’t figured out that he has been faithful to her this whole time, he isn’t sure he will want to fight for them.

It was that thought that brought him back to the housing campus right outside of Mistward Tech. He marched himself straight to Remelle’s room, knowing that even though it was well into the afternoon, she was most definitely still tangled in the sheets with a stranger.

After a minute of incessant knocking, Remelle opened the door with an irritated, “What?”

Rowan didn’t bother being pleasant. “Give me my phone.”

“What are you talking about?” The glint in her eye told him she knew exactly what he was talking about, and Rowan was not having it.

“I honestly don’t give a fuck about what game you’re playing, but I’m exhausted, hungry, and need my phone back.”

“Why do you need it? Expecting a call from someone?”

“No? I just want it back?” Remelle stared at him with a look he couldn’t quite decipher before turning back into her room to retrieve his phone.

When they traded, she said, “You got a weird call this morning. I obviously thought it was my phone so I didn’t bother checking the caller ID, but the other person hung up without saying anything.”

Rowan mumbled a thanks then went to the kitchen to grab a snack to eat in his bed. As soon as he flopped on the bed, all he wanted to do was take a nap, but he managed to stay awake long enough to check his notifications.

Other than a few likes on a post he uploaded a few days ago, there was nothing interesting. He plugged his phone into the charger by the night stand and was about to close his eyes when the sound of an incoming text made him alert. It wasn’t just any sound, though. It was the first few notes of Fur Elise. Aelin’s favorite piano piece.

He quickly sat up on the side of the bed and unlocked his phone. What he read made his heart rate increase as if he was running up the side of one of the mountains near Mistward. She wrote, Hey Rowan. I know we haven’t talked since you left, but I was wondering if you could call me when you’re free? Just let me know, thanks.

He didn’t need to think twice about tapping her name on his favorites list and lifting the phone to his ear. It rang and rang and rang for so long, he thought she wasn’t going to answer. But then she did. And his heart skipped a beat at the sound of her voice.

“Rowan?” She sounded hesitant, like she wasn’t sure it was him on the other end.

“Yeah, it’s me. Um, how are you, Aelin?”

He could hear her heavy breathing, trying to steady herself. It made Rowan nervous. “I think so? It depends on the day, really. I, um, I actually have something I need to talk to you about. I had a whole speech planned out, but I don’t know if there’s a best way to tell you this.”

Rowan waited with bated breath. What could she possibly have to tell him? He wondered if she started dating someone else already. The thought made his stomach drop. But what else could it be?

Aelin took a deep breath with a forceful exhale. The next words that came out of her mouth made his heart join his stomach on the floor.

“Rowan. I’m pregnant.”

---

tag list:

@maddymelv​ || @lucy617​ || @tillyrubes10​ || @faerie-queen-fireheart​ || @tottenhamboys20​ || @the-third-me​ || @superspiritfestival​ || @rolltide7​ || @courtofjurdan​ || @sleeping-and-books​ || @aelinchocolatelover​

[squirrelly831]

Holding His Child for the First Time [Kihyun and Hyungwon]

Enjoy~

Kihyun

Phoebe and Kihyun were only just married for a couple of months when Phoebe had found out she was pregnant again. They had pushed back their marriage after the first miscarriage that took them both time to heal from. It was almost their undoing if it wasn’t for Kihyun’s parents and hers.

Kihyun didn’t feel okay with Phoebe going through the next five months alone without him around, but she insisted that it was fine. She knew the fans would want him and that the group needed him. It took a lot of time to convince him, but Kihyun eventually caved in and went on the tour.

However, when Kihyun returned, Phoebe was two months to her due date. Instead of a joyous greeting, the two found themselves in a heated argument that had been on going for weeks via texts and calls.

“Kihyun, seriously fuck off! You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do” Phoebe shouted.

Kihyun pulled at his hair and his face reddened, “You’re going to hurt yourself and our child! Why are you being so difficult about this?”

“Unlike you, I’m not an idol who makes a shit ton of money. I actually have to work to pay bills. How do you expect me to help pay for this place if I have no job?” This was the second time Phoebe had this argument with Kihyun. She understood why he was concerned. Her work required a lot of mental and physical energy. Phoebe made sure to take any precautions to make sure she didn’t overdo it. Since marrying, Phoebe didn’t feel like Kihyun’s wife as he barely spoke to her through the entire tour. She had a joint account with Kihyun, but she also had her own. Yes, she knew she had Kihyun’s money to rely on, but she didn’t feel like it was hers to touch while he was away to approve the payments.

“You have access to our bank account so you didn’t have to worry about the bills or groceries! I make plenty of money. You’re not alone in this, you know!”

“Then why does it feel like I’m doing this all by myself!” Phoebe snapped. “I know I said it was fine and at first it was, but you could never find the time to contact me. You barely asked about how I felt. Sure, you’re there financially, but where are you emotionally? I’ve been scared shitless going through each month in fear that I’d lose her like I did our last one. And you were ALWAYS busy with Monsta X. All you seem to care about is Monsta X! ”

“That’s not true!”

Phoebe scoffed as she picked up her cellphone, “How’s the baby?… K… Look I’m busy…” She flipped through his texts and read them aloud to him.

Kihyun’s eyes widened. He honestly never realized just how short he had been with Phoebe. Had he really treated her like she wasn’t a priority to him? From all the texts she read, none asked about Phoebe’s well-being or a simple I love you. “Jagiya…” He took the phone from her and tossed it on the couch behind her. “I’m sorry…” She could hear the guilt in his voice. “I love you both. I’m sorry I never showed you that. I love you… You are my entire world. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you weren’t important to me.” He wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks. “I’ve been scared too… That if something happened to you or Hayoon, I don’t know what I would do…” He hugged her tightly and rubbed her back as her tears continued to fall. “I’m sorry” he repeated. “I’ll be here for the rest of the pregnancy. Just please… Can you please just take off work the rest of the pregnancy and rest?”

“Fine…” Once they were calm, Kihyun bent down and kissed her passionately. Phoebe kissed him back, but when she felt a pop she jumped back from him in shock.

Kihyun saw your blown-out eye he knew there was something wrong, “Love, what’s wrong?”

“My water… I think it broke” her breath quickened as she looked up at Kihyun in fear as he mirrored her shock. “Hayoon’s not due for two months. Why is she—Is there something—” She began to panic as liquid slid down her leg. She hiccuped her words as she held her stomach.

Kihyun grabbed her shoulders to keep her steady, “Hey. Look at me, love” his calm voice got Phoebe’s attention her eye twitched as tears began to form. He squeezed her shoulders to soothe her, “She’s fine. We’ll go to the hospital, okay? Do you have a bag of your clothes already?” She told him where it was and he went to get it, grabbed his key with shaky hands, and took Phoebe to the car. Once in the car, Phoebe’s hand clung to his as she tried to hold back her tears as she looked down at her stomach. Kihyun pressed a kiss to her hand, “She’ll be okay. I promise.” Their hands shook the entire way to the hospital.

14 hours later, Hayoon entered the world a perfectly healthy 6 pounds. Phoebe broke down in tears when she was handed her little girl. She kissed her head as she let out a shaky breath.

“Look” he whispered with excitement laced in his voice as he rubbed his wife’s shoulder “She has your smile.” Phoebe handed Hayoon off to him and he leaned back in his chair cooing at Hayoon. She twisted and turned in his arms. Phoebe grabbed his phone and snapped some pictures of the two of them before she sent them to his group members and their families. Kihyun wore a permanent smile as he watched Hayoon in his arms. He intertwined his other hand with Phoebe’s as he rocked Hayoon. “I’ll do better” he promised. “You and Hayoon are my family… I’ll do better to make you remember that.” Kihyun knew he needed to prioritize his work and family better and he was going to take the steps to be a better husband and father.

Hyungwon

Hyungwon and Amanda took each week at a time fearful for the next. Amanda feared that this pregnancy, the last she’d ever want to have, would fall through. She couldn’t handle being so far along to lose either of her babies that grew inside her. It was something Amanda feared the most.

Hyungwon’s fear was to watch his wife dissolve before his eyes if she had another miscarriage. After the last miscarriage, Hyungwon had to beg Amanda not to leave him and he didn’t know if his begs or pleads would work again.

Hyungwon took off time from Monsta X not wanting Amanda to be alone during any part of the pregnancy once he found out about it. Every doctor appointment, he attended and watched as their two boys grew bigger and bigger inside their mom. Due to the complications of the pregnancy, Hyungwon and Amanda agreed that she would opt for a c-section as it seemed to be the safest route than a natural birth.

Everything seemed to go well through the pregnancy until week 32 when Amanda’s water broke unexpectedly. Hyungwon rushed her to the hospital with a silent prayer that everything would be fine.

He was in the room with Amanda and the hospital staff, but was behind a screen when they delivered Seojun and Minjun. Seojun came out crying and moving around a lot which made Hyungwon smile. However, he noticed how more nurses were retrieved and different equipment was brought in. A nurse informed him that the youngest twin, Minjun, was breathing a lot faster than he should be. The NICU nurses took Minjun immediately and went off to help him. Hyungwon just watched as they took his youngest son with tear-filled eyes as he worried about him.

Once situated in a hospital room, a nurse brought in Seojun and he was in Amanda’s arms as soon as he was washed up and checked out. She rocked him in her arms with a small smile on her face as she tried not to work herself up over Minjun.

While Amanda was with Seojun, Hyungwon spent time by Minjun’s incubator. He stared at the ventilator and wires that were attached to his son. Hyungwon couldn’t believe the number of wired that were on his son. He wanted nothing more than to hold Minjun in his arms. Hyungwon touched the incubator in a failed attempt to touch him and he squeezed his eyes shut.

It would be another three and a half weeks when they were sure he was in good health. Amanda didn’t tell Hyungwon the news as she picked up her little boy from the hospital. She got him in a little onesie and tucked him into his car seat, “Now let’s go see daddy, boys” she smiled widely as she shut the door and got in the car.

Amanda drove to Hyungwon’s work after she texted Hyunwoo she was heading out there. She found the guys in the lounge as she pushed the door with her side, “Hey guys!”

Hyungwon’s ears perked as he looked over at her and grinned, “Hey love, what are you doing here?”

Minhyuk opened the door before Hyungwon could get up and Amanda pulled the stroller inside, “The boys and I wanted to say hi?”

“Boys?” He approached the strolled and pulled back the sun-protector. When he saw both of the boys he let out a laugh as he ran his hand through his hair, “They released Minjun.”

“Yup, he can come home.”

Hyungwon knelt in front of the two boys who were just waking up and kissed their heads. The two simultaneously began to cry and Amanda pulled Seojun from the stroller as she went to retrieve two pre-made bottles. Hyungwon carefully picked up Minjun and rocked him in his arms to try to stop his crying. Holding him felt so surreal. Minjun was in his arms. He was awake and staring back at him with his big brown eyes. Hyungwon could hold him and kiss him without the incubator stopping him. Hyungwon refused to give up Minjun to his members as he sat down with a bottle Amanda handed him. Hyungwon sang to Minjun as he fed him. He couldn’t believe his family was finally together. Hyungwon couldn’t stop smiling. He didn’t even care that the members teased him for it.

Part I | Part III

Credit to gif owners

Written & revamped by Squirrelly831

♕ REQUEST

☮ MONSTA X MASTERLIST

∞ ULTIMATE MASTERLIST

[tonystarkbingo]

TSB MIV Week 16 Roundup!

Title: Is This Love? Collaborator: ceealaina Card Number: 4008 Link: AO3 Square Filled: A2 - Pining Ship: IronHusbands, pre-SamSteve Rating: Teen Major Tags: Mutual Pining, Fluff and Humor Summary: 'Tony wasn’t looking at him though, or at the speaker. His gaze was fixed through the glass windows and into the hallway beyond where the military delegation had just arrived, among them Colonel Rhodes. “Oh my god,” Tony breathed, staring at him. “He’s so hot.”

'Steve's stuck in the world's longest debrief and, to make matters worse, he's stuck beside Tony who won't stop waxing poetic about his husband. Word Count: 1531

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Title: Love Inside This Madness Collaborator: ralsbecket Card Number: 4056 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: T4 - Kink: Bondage Ship: WinterIron Rating: Mature Major Tags: Art, Naked cuddling, light rope bondage Summary: Tony asking if he trusts him is like asking Bucky if he needs air. The answer is always going to be a resounding, “Yes.”  Word Count: N/A

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Title: No Rescue Needed Collaborator: Dracusfyre Card Number: 4032 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S2 - Merpeople Ship: WinterIron Rating: Gen Major Tags: Meet Cute, Polyamory, Established Relationship, Pre-relationship, Alternate Universe-Fantasy  Summary: Steve makes an awkward first impression when he tries to rescue Tony but ends up cock-blocking him instead. To be fair, it wasn’t all Steve’s fault - he couldn’t have known that when Tony disappeared under the surface of the ocean and didn’t come back up for air, it was because he didn’t need air in the first place. Word Count: 1768

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Title: wake up call Collaborator: peachy Card Number: 4017 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Interrogation Ship: Stony Rating: G Major Tags: fluff, feelings realizations, oblivious steve Summary: All Steve wanted was a cup of coffee, but a conversation with Natasha leaves him with a lot more than he bargained for. Word Count: 594

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Title: Medical Suite Collaborator: MagicaDraconia16 Card Number: 4019 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Cheesy Ship: James “Rhodey” Rhodes & Tony Stark Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff, crack (treated seriously), magic-induced hallucinations, TV dramas, medical AU, medical inaccuracies Summary: In today's episode: Tony Stark wakes up from his coma; Doctor Rhodes and Nurse Romanoff share a stolen moment of passion; and Wanda makes a mysterious phone call.

Er, wait, that's not right... Word Count: 2173

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Title: Baby Let Me Swallow You~ Collaborator: J_gun_i Card Number: 4004 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S4 - Kink: Deep Throating Ship: IronHusbands Rating: E Major Tags: Deep throating, porn with feelings, Rhodey wearing his uniform, office sex Summary: Rhodey finally is seeing his boyfriend again. He had made plenty of plans, which got derailed the moment they eagerly pressed against each other.

Or-

Tony enjoys himself, especially with Rhodey kneeling in front of him. Word Count: 966

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Title: Send Me a Kiss by Wire Collaborator: BennyBatch Card Number: 4005 Link: AO3 Square Filled: R5 - Kink: Phone Sex Ship: FrostIron Rating: E Major Tags: praise kink, orgasm denial, dom/sub undertones Summary: Tony needed help testing his newly developed interstellar phone and Loki was more than happy to offer his assistance (and maybe a little more). Word Count: Tony needed help testing his newly developed interstellar phone and Loki was more than happy to offer his assistance (and maybe a little more).

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Title: I Don’t Need Saving Collaborator: Nicnac Card Number: 4048 Link: Tumblr Square Filled: T1 - Abducted Ship: IronWidow Rating: Mature Major Tags: kidnapping, mild injury, mentions of torture, blood, mild threat Summary: Natasha is abducted on her anniversary night with Tony. Her kidnappers try to get information out of her about SHIELD secrets but she turns the tables on them long before Tony comes to rescue her.  Word Count: 2277

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Title: Crisis (Momentarily) Averted Collaborator: PoliZ Card Number: 4007 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K5 - Hindsight Ship: Natasha & Tony  Rating: General Major Tags: Iron Man 2 compliant; deleted scene, Natasha POV Summary: Natasha realizes that Natalie’s glib suggestion to Tony to ‘do whatever he wanted’ for his birthday was ill-advised and potentially dangerous. Word Count: 797

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Title: The Day Rhodey Met the Captain Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Card Number: 4004 Link: AO3 Square Filled: T3 - First Time Ship: IronHusbands, Janto Rating: Teen Major Tags: None Summary: When Rhodey came home, he was perplexed to say the least.

Tony explained his sudden brust of cleaning away with a simple phone call and some guests coming over. 

No wonder that Rhodey was cautious when two men knocked on their door.

After all, someone that managed to get his boyfriend in a frenzy was in a position to hurt him. Word Count: 1849

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Title: I’m Here for You Collaborator: Fighting_for_Creativity Card Number: 4004 Link: AO3 Square Filled: A1 - James “Rhodey” Rhodes/War Machine Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Mature Major Tags: Child Abuse, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, child neglect, verbal abuse Summary: Rhodey knew that not all was good and dandy in the Stark household. Hell Rhodey saw the evident in the fall of Tony’s face after a call one too many times, in the way Tony sometimes wouldn’t sleep until something for SI was finished. But what happened on Tony’s sixteenth birthday took the icing of the cake. Word Count: 1963

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Title: Together Under This Roomful Sky Collaborator: deehellcat Card Number: 4028 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K1 - Confessions Under the Influence Ship: Pepperony Rating: Gen Major Tags: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Accidental Illness, Medicinal Drug Use, with adverse reactions, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Socks, Confessions Under the Influence, Consent Issues, Love, Flashbacks, Mention of Panic Attacks Summary: Bruce smothered an obvious snicker. “So, kick-ass doses of antihistamines act as truth serum on him. Good to know.”“Out!” Tony sputtered and flung a hand toward the elevator. “False friend, laughin’ at th’ invalid. Dishonor on you, dishonor on y’r cow—”Bruce was openly laughing as he left, but Tony slumped back into a heap, his momentary burst of energy gone. “I didn’t mean that,” he said mournfully. “You don’t think he’ll think I meant it, do you?”“No, he won’t,” Pepper comforted him. “Let’s get you to bed, hm? Let you sleep that bender off.” Word Count: 3028

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Title: To Break and To Mend Collaborator: deehellcat Card Number: 4028 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S5 - Major Injuries Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Teen Major Tags: Break Up, Break Up and Make Up, (not the same pair), Secret Relationship, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Major Character Injury, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Ironhusbands Summary: hey say, whenever one door closes, another opens. Sometimes, though, one door may close so that another can be reopened. Word Count: 520

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Title: Spinnerets Collaborator: deehellcat Card Number: 4028 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K2 - Horror Movie AU Ship: None Rating: Teen Major Tags: Supernatural Creatures, Kidfic, Kid Tony Stark, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, seriously he deserves everything he gets, Spider Mama Natasha Romanoff, literal spider mama, Arachnes, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Transformation, Adoption Summary: A drunken Howard’s abuse of his son is interrupted by a strange intruder. Word Count: 6363

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Title: a moment in between Collaborator: ohjustpeachy Card Number: 4017 Link: AO3 Square Filled:  S5 - Fears appear in reality Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Gen Major Tags: hurt/comfort, angst Summary: Those few blissful seconds right before he regains complete consciousness sometimes feel like all he has left. Then, of course, the realization hits, and Rhodey feels the loss all over again, hears the words anew every time. Complete paralysis. Tonight is one of those nights. Or, Rhodey wakes from a nightmare and Tony does what he can. Word Count: 1203

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Title: Missing you Collaborator: gottalovev Card Number: 4077 Link: AO3 Square Filled:  T1 - abandonment issues Ship: Stony Rating: Teen Major Tags: no archive warning applies. Long distance relationship, insecurity Summary: Five ways a long distance relationship with Steve is hard on Tony, and the moment it gets better. (Non-powered college AU) Word Count: 614

[tiemeupspidey]

I’m OVER it mom...

Series: Tom Holland Dad Imagines

Request from @confusedascas : Can you write a fic about tom having a daughter who’s 11-12 and she’s upset about him being gone all the time for filming and one day she cries and he comes home and surprises her and he apologizes and cuddles please!!

Warnings: Swearing,Sadness,Cute Tom Dad

Word Count: 1,700+

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get to this, had other imagines to finish and my migraines have been killing me to the point where it hurts to look at anything bright :,( Sorry love xx

[Reader’s POV] (NOV 18th)

“Shae love you can’t get mad at him..” you sigh following your upset daughter. She’s been in an awful mood since her father called while we were in the car. 

    Tom has been gone for five months and called today saying he would be gone for another month. Shae was devastated and swore in the car. Tom got after her and she yelled back “You’re barely here, are you even my dad anymore?” which made Tom become silent then hang up. Shae doesn’t know how hard of a toll it takes on Tom not being able to come home. 

    Her birthday is in three days and all she wanted was Tom to come home like he promised. My lovely daughter is a Scorpio and takes promises very seriously. Tom tried apologizing but she told him to “fuck off.” Hence why tension rose in the Holland household.

“Shae Leanne Holland come here right now” you shout as she runs up the stairs to her room.

“No! He promised he would be back by my birthday.. I’m not coming out of my room!” her voice fills the air with the door slamming right after. 

    Letting out a defeated sigh you run your fingers through your hair. You hear feet coming down the stairs catching your attention. It was you seven year old son Zander and Tessa. His glasses falling down the bridge of his nose making him push it back up. Tessa walks over to you giving your hand a lick.

“Hi Tessa bear, how are you darling..” you give her head a rub as she licks your leg.

“Mumma, is Shae going to stay in her room forever?” he asks tilting his head to the side pulling the book he had to his chest.

“I don’t know Zander… She’s just really upset daddy isn’t coming home like he said”  you explain pulling your sweater sleeves down as a chill runs through your body.

“Daddy can’t control it though..She’s a drama queen sometimes” Zander rolls his eyes at the situation. Sometimes you wonder if he really is seven.

“Do you want to help me make dinner love?” you ask Zander while walking towards the kitchen. Him and Tessa following right behind you.

“Yes Mumma, as long as I get to read the instructions!” He smiles setting down his book on the dining room table. His excitement making you laugh from the cuteness.

“Yes you can read the instructions my little genius”

-

[Zander’s POV]

“Tom, you need to calm down baby” 

“She’s just a little ma- I know she swore at you.. maybe if you didn’t swear so muc- I know I do too but you’re worse” Mumma’s laughter fills the air as she talks to Daddy on the phone.

    She was talking to Daddy in the living room on the couch. We ate dinner a while ago together while Shae stayed in her room. Mumma tried convincing her but she’s so stubborn. With all of our attempts shut down she stayed in her room. 

    Walking over to the cabinet I open it up. Finding my hidden sweets box I pull it out quietly. Making sure mumma was still talking I sneak some sweets into my pockets. Putting it back I hide it behind some of dad’s snacks.

    Sneaking out of the kitchen I walk quickly towards the stairs. Tessa spots me from her bed and gets up. She follows me sticking her nose to my pockets making me panic. Running up the stairs with her chasing me quickly.

Dammit I have little legs!

    Heading down the hallway I end up in front of Shae’s room that was across from mine. Knocking on the door I wait for her to open it. Tessa sits next to me as I wait for her to open it up. Knocking on the door again I heard her groan.

“What do you want? I’m not coming out mom!” Shae’s voice comes through the door.

“It’s me, Zander and Tessa” I say with a smile on my face pushing my glasses back up. The door opens to reveal my sister with a red nose and puffed cheeks.

“What’s up Zander,do you need another book?” she asks eyeing the one she leant me. I held the book to my chest shaking my head no.

“I brought you some chocolate.. you didn’t eat dinner so I thought I would bring you something sweet to pick you up…” I say pulling out the sweets from my pocket. I picked her favorite kinds out of my stash so she could be happy.

     A smile forms on Shae’s mouth as she eyes the chocolate. Placing the sweets in her hand she puts them in the pouch of her jumper. Her arms engulf me into a hug, my arms holding her tight. I didn’t like seeing Shae sad..

“Thank you Zander.. Now go and try to finish that book” She pulls back giving me a smile. Nodding I walk across opening my door to walk in. Tessa comes in shortly after I open it. 

“I know those are your favorites so enjoy sis” I smile closing the door to my room. Glad I could bring a smile to her face while she’s sad.

-

[Reader’s POV] (NOV 19th)

“Shae you have to come down to eat.. you can’t starve yourself forever.. I’m leaving this plate of food outside your door,better get it before Tessa does cause then you won’t have anything till lunch” you groan glaring at the wood door that was separating you from your angry pre-teen.

     She would get tired of being in her room at some point. We didn’t put a tv in her room, and she doesn’t have a cellphone. She has two bookshelf on either side of her bed. At some point she will get tired of reading..

     Setting the tray of food down on the ground outside her door. Shae’s door opens enough for her to grab the tray and slide it in. The door quickly closing right after. Sighing you walk off towards your bedroom. Frustration, anger, sadness all hit you at once as your body flops onto the bed. 

“God dammit Tom.. this is getting harder and harder each day you’re gone” tears slip down your cheeks staining the pillow under your head. Grabbing my phone out of my pocket I dial Tom’s phone number. Pressing the phone to my ear I wait for him to answer.

“Ello darling, how are you?” Tom’s voice making you smile instantly.

“I miss you so much.. I’m feeling so overwhelmed with Shae, I think I might go insane” tears start to form in your eyes again. You thought you had this parenting thing down but it wasn’t easy. 

“Please love don’t cry, I wish I could hold you right now.. Everything is going to be okay want to know why? Its because you’re my beautiful wife and a wonderful mother”

“It’s so hard without you here.. I wish you were coming home like you were supposed to now I can’t see your handsome face” you laugh slightly trying not to put a damper on the mood of the conversation.

“I’ll be home sooner than you know it, I know it’s hard baby but the Holland family will get through it like we always do” 

“I love you babe, I heard something downstairs in the kitchen I gotta go” Getting off the bed you wipe your tears away with the sleeve of Tom’s pullover.

“I love you more darling, talk to you soon.. keep that smile on your beautiful face for me please” you knew he was smiling at this point.

“Will do, bye baby” pressing end I stick my phone in the pocket of my jeans.

-

“What time are you going to be home darling?” Tom asks as you pull out of the parking lot.

“Well Zander is currently with Paddy and I’ll be home in a few minutes, Shae is still in her room..” you explain turning the blinker on to make a right turn.

“Why is Zander with Paddy? Excuse me sir, thank you”  you could hear shuffling in the background and voices.

“He is currently teaching Paddy on something he learned from a book recently.. What are you doing babe?” you ask listening to the background sound from his end of the line.

“N-nothing love, but I gotta go.. I love you so much”  

“I love you more, goodbye” you smile ending the line by clicking the button on your steering wheel.

[Reader’s POV] (NOV 20th Shae’s birthday)

“Happy Birthday Shaeeee… Happy Birthday to youuuu!” Flashes go off from Nikki’s camera as Shae blows out her candles.

“Alright everyone who wants cake?” I ask holding up the cake knife.

“Me!” Sam and Harry say simultaneously then looking at each other with a smile.

“C’mon little dove, I know he would have wanted to be here” you set down the knife on the table. Seeing your daughters tears spill down her cheeks breaks your heart. Pulling her into a hug she cries into the crook of your neck. Dom takes over cutting her cake and passing out pieces.

“I just miss him so much mumma” she whimpers making another crack in your heart happen. She hasn’t called you that since she was little.

“Sorry I’m late everyone, did I miss cake?” a familiar voice fills the air. Looking over to see Tom in a black jumper, jeans, a beanie on and a suitcase beside him.

“D-Daddy?” Shae gasps looking over at him, her curls falling down her back. Her eyes opened in shock as she looked at her father standing in the doorway.

“Do you think I would miss my daughter’s thirteenth birthday?” Tom’s smile could have lit up the room,he looked so happy to be home. Shae gets up from her chair taking off and jumping into her father’s arms. The moment so pure and sweet, thankfully Nikki captured the moment.

“Happy Birthday Shae” Tom says giving her head a kiss.

“My wish came true” she cries into his chest as he ran his fingers through her curls. He swayed them side hugging her tightly. Tears were falling from your eyes watching the two of them. You were still in shock because he didn’t even fucking tell you he was coming home… Handsome bastard.

A/N: How did everyone like Zander, he’s so damn adorable :,)

[aboriginalnewswire]

Cults That Never Were: The Satanic Ritual Abuse Scare (SRAS) > Introduction The satanic ritual abuse scare was a moral panic that began in the 1980’s in North America and lasted throughout much of the 1990’s. It was fueled by claims of Satan worship made up of several components: Child and sexual abuse Human ritual sacrifice Teenage abduction rumors Animal Mutilation Claims of actual Satanists (The Church of Satan and Temple of Set) Heavy metal rock and horrorcore music Violent and fantasy games During its time, the SRAS led to many criminal investigations based on little or no evidence of an actual occurrence of satanic activity or any criminal activity whatsoever. Although there are many components to the satanic ritual abuse scare, the incidents of sexual child abuse and abduction related to rumors of satanic cult activity will be the focus of this review. History and Evidence Since there were several components that led to the satanic ritual abuse scare, it is important to explore their individual histories in order to understand how they jointly created a moral panic in North America. History of the Church of Satan 1930 - Anton LaVey is born in Chicago, Illinois on 11 April. 1966 - Anton LaVey founds the church of Satan in San Francisco, California, and proclaims that the year 1966 is “the year one,” or Anno Satanas- the first year of the Age of Satan. 1967 - The Church of Satan performs a wedding ceremony for journalist, John Raymond, and socialite Judith Case, which prompts media interest in the group. 1969 - LaVey writes the Satanic Bible, which outlines the principles of LaVeyan Satanism and rituals. 1970 - LaVey appears in the documentary, Satanis: The Devil’s Mass, provoking more media attention and providing a vision of “Satanic rituals.” History of the Temple of Set 1975 - Michael Aquino, former member of the Church of Satan, founded the Temple of Set based on organizational and philosophical differences with Anton LaVey and the Church of Satan. The Church of Satan and Temple of Set provided evidence of actual “Satanists” living in North America. Although the actions of these groups did not qualify as Satanic Ritual Abuse, their mere association with devil worship made them a contributor to the Satanic Ritual Abuse Scare. History and Evidence of Animal Mutilation For the past several decades, animal mutilations have occurred all over North America. In the past, the mutilations were sometimes attributed to UFO’s. With the rise of all other contributing factors of the SRAS, conspiracy theories of animal mutilation began to become more frequent and were now attributed to satanic activity. Listed are only a couple of towns in the United States where animal mutilations were recorded. 1984 - Rumors of animal sacrifices in Edinburg, Illinois are attributed to teenage “devil worshipping” cult. 1986 - Mutilated animals found in Modesto, California are attributed to “devil worshipping” cult. History and Evidence of Satanic Rock Music 1985 - Police raid a suspected “cult house” in Holland, Ohio and confiscate rock music records, claiming they promote satanic activity. Rock musicians such as Ozzy Osbourne and ACDC are accused of contributing to satanic activity. History and Evidence of Violent or Fantasy Games 1988 - Teenage Dungeons and Dragons participants in Lancaster, Wisconsin are accused of animal mutilation and planned baby sacrifices in satanic ritual context. History and Evidence of “Recovered Memories” of Sexual/Child Abuse and Ritual Sacrifice Claims of sexual and child abuse are seen throughout history. Rumors of the abduction of a young female are classic urban legends. With the 1980’s, several other components contributed to this type of abuse being attributed to Satanism: The appearance of the child abuse industry The idea of posttraumatic stress disorder With the advent of the 1980’s, a change in home life occurred in the United States when both parents in a household began working full time. This left more children in daycare centers than there ever had been prior to this generation. For the first time, many children were left under the care of strangers. 1980 - Michelle Remembers, a supposedly true account of a young girl's torture at the hands of a secret coven of Satanists in Victoria, BC, is published. Michelle Smith "recovered" her memories while in therapy and under hypnosis by a therapist whom she later married. 1982 - Mary Ann Barbour believed her two young step-granddaughters were being sexually abused and eventually the children accused their father, Alvin McCuan. The girls were placed in the Barbour's care. Relentlessly grilling her two charges, Mary Ann Barbour reported that they had been used in prostitution and pornography, tortured, made to watch snuff films, and forced to allow animals to eat pet food out of their vaginas. Rumors in Victoria, BC spread about the planned kidnapping of a newborn baby by Satanists for sacrifice. 1983 - Judy Johnson accuses Ray Buckey – a 25-year-old worker at the McMartin preschool in Manhattan Beach, California – of sodomizing her two-year-old pre-verbal son. 1984- 208 counts of child abuse involving 40 children are laid against Ray Buckey, the owners of the McMartin School, and four teachers. Preschool children in a Miami daycare accused Frank Fuster and his 17-year-old wife of abusing them. Allegations included pornography, the drinking of urine, eating of feces, etc. Clinton attorney-General Janet Reno was involved in this case. Frank Fuster is still in prison. | Two children in Richmond, Virginia accuse family members of killing a child and cannibalizing it during a satanic rite. 1985- Daycare operator Sandra Craig is accused of assaulting children with a screwdriver and a stick, animal torture and taking nude photographs. She is sentenced to ten years in prison. James Rodriguez and five others are charged and convicted of sexual abuse of two young brothers in California. Accusations include infanticide. 1986 - James Watt goes on trial charged with multiple counts of child abuse at a private daycare. 18 children testified to various acts of abuse. Defense lawyers said that children initially denied abuse but told "bizarre" stories after repeated interviews. Watt is sentenced to 165 years. Daycare workers in Carson City are accused of abusing 14 children. Children told of the murders of adults, animal killings, drinking blood and other rituals. 1987 - A workshop about the dangers of Satanism is presented in City of Rockford, Illinois after a son is accused of murdering his father and fellow teenager in a satanic ritual. 1989 - Little Rascals Daycare in Edonton, NC becomes one of the most famous ritual abuse cases in North America when several of the daycare’s employees were charged with several counts of sexual child abuse. Paul Ingram of Washington is accused by his two daughters of satanic ritual abuse. Devoutly religious, he believes he must have been influenced by Satan and repressed the memories of what he'd done. He pleads guilty, and then retracts his confession when he begins to doubt the truth of the accusations. Two teenage girls are murdered in Pennsylvania, and teenage boy accused of murders is suspected of doing so due to satanic cult activity. Rumor panic spreads throughout state, with many children being kept home from school. The Creation of the Satanic Cult With allegations of so many “evil” acts throughout the country, they all became attributed to a hypothetical “satanic cult.” All of these rumors merged in order to form one elaborate story. The social condition that emerged in the 1980’s produced an environment for these very different rumors to create one plausible story about an underground Satanic Cult that was operating secretly throughout the nation. Through media involvement and growing panic among concerned citizens, the “Satanic cult panic” grew into a North American pandemic. Several criminal charges were brought upon those accused of involvement in satanic cult activity, provoking national media coverage with a salacious position. By the mid-1990’s, skepticism grew concerning the realities of these allegations, and the rumors were eventually proven false. Myth The existence of a Satanic Cult was the biggest component of the myth. The cult was comprised of Satan worshippers who operate in underground networks and perform sacrificial rituals. The rituals and organization were the major components of the cult’s myth. Ritual The killing ritual is central to the idea of the Satanic Cult. Rituals of human and animal sacrifice are most prevalent. The abduction of newborn babies, usually from hospitals, for the purpose of ritually sacrificing a pure human being. The abduction of a blonde, blue-eyed virgin for the purpose of ritual sacrifice usually performed on Halloween or Friday the 13th. Animal mutilation and sacrifice, with body parts used in offerings for Satan. The sexual abuse of young children. The consumption of sacrificial blood from humans and animals. Organization and Leadership Tightly structured and secretive underground organization of Satanists throughout North America. The highest and most affluent members of society were accused of being involved in a Satanic Cult. Numbers of members are thought to be in the thousands, inferred from the number of alleged victims. Clergy members are often thought to be leaders of cult. Police implicated as members of cult. Because of this type of organization, the plausibility of Satanic Cult activity being able to occur in secret is accepted. The Rise and Fall of the Satanic Ritual Abuse Scare The Rise - Controversies and Media Coverage The establishment of Fundamental Christianity in North America and the Moral Majority political organization contributed to the growing controversy of the existence of a Satanic Cult. Also, several prominent figures in the media contributed to the rumor panic, creating more controversy than any of the alleged accusations. Adding to the controversy, citizens across the nation banded together to create organizations with an effort to stop the supposed satanic cult activity. 1983 - Dr. Roland Summit publishes an article about Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome, which convinces many therapists and prosecutors that if a child denies that anything happened to him or her, they are hiding the truth. Geraldo Rivera's special, "Satanic Cults and Children," airs on television. 1985 - 20/20 segment "The Devil Worshippers" airs. 1988 - Journalists Tom Charlier and Shirley Downing write a series of articles for the Memphis Commercial-Appeal, documenting over 100 ritual abuse cases across the country. Geraldo Rivera's special, "Devil Worship: Exploring Satan's Underground", airs on television. The “Lost Child Network” is established in Kansas City to investigate satanic cult activity. 1989 - Oprah Winfrey hosts a show on “Child sacrifice,” feeding into the SRAS. Sally Jesse Raphael airs a story on “Baby Breeders.” 1991 - Sally Jesse Raphael airs a story on “Devil Babies.” 1992 - Police patrol the streets of Martensville, Saskatchewan, Canada, with assault rifles because of rumors that Satanists are coming to attack the town. 1993 - HBO’s "Search for Deadly Memories" airs, a documentary that shows techniques used in efforts to find memories that are unknown to the patient. The program features many doctors and “experts,” who provide credibility for the notions. The Fall- Skepticism and Conclusions Although some skepticism of the Satanic Ritual Abuse Scare and the idea of a “Satanic Cult” began during its highest panic in the 1980’s, it was not until the mid-1990’s that skeptics became more frequent than believers. There were several SRA criminal trials in which those accused were acquitted of all charges due to lack of evidence. Many previous convictions were also overturned at this time. Toward the middle of the 1990’s, there was a shift in media coverage from that which supported the rumor panic to that which was skeptical of all SRA. Public media figures that had previously supported the rumor panics and contributed to their spread began apologizing for such oversights. 1987 - Journalist Debbie Nathan publishes "The Making of a Modern Witch Trial," in The Village Voice about a daycare case in El Paso, Texas. Nathan is the first prominent journalist to raise the national alarm about the injustices resulting from the daycare witch hunts. 1990 - After three years of testimony and nine weeks of deliberation (the longest and most expensive criminal trial in US history, costing California taxpayers 15 million dollars) the jury in the McMartin case acquits Peggy Buckey and her son Ray. The prosecution decides to retry Ray Buckey. District Attorney Alan Rubenstein, conducting an independent investigation of ritual abuse allegations against the staff of Breezy Point Day Care in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, concludes that "none of this ever happened," and drops all charges. 1992 - The FBI writes a formal report discrediting the Satanic Ritual Abuse Scare. 1993 - 20/20 show on suggestibility of children in accepting and believing stories. 1994- 60 Minutes looks at false/recovered memories. A jury awards damages to Gary Ramona, who sued his daughter's therapists for accusing them of implanting false memories of sexual abuse in her when she went to them for counseling for her eating disorder. 1995- Geraldo Rivera apologizes for promoting the satanic ritual abuse and recovered memory panics: "I want to announce publicly that as a firm believer of the 'Believe The Children' movement of the 1980's, that started with the McMartin trials in CA, but NOW I am convinced that I was terribly wrong... and many innocent people were convicted and went to prison as a result....AND I am equally positive [that the] 'Repressed Memory Therapy Movement' is also a bunch of CRAP..." HBO produces Indictment: The McMartin Trial, painting Ray Buckey as the victim of a rumor panic for the first time. Skepticism of allegations in the SRAS began with this film. 1997 - A long-buried tape recording of a child's interview with social worker Velda Murillo, in which Murillo pressures the little girl to accuse her relatives of molesting her, is turned over to the defense team for Jeff Modahl in Bakersfield, California. The tape establishes what the defense said all along -- that children had been coerced into making accusations. 1999 - All charges in the Little Rascals Daycare case were dropped. 2004 - The two boys whose accusations sent James Rodriguez and five others to prison recant their testimony, saying they were forced to make false accusations by their aunt. 2005- Kyle Zirpolo, one of the children in the infamous McMartin Preschool case, comes forward as an adult and says that his testimony was a lie. Zirpolo told journalist Debbie Nathan in the Los Angeles Times that he was pressured to make false accusations of ritual abuse. Virtually no evidence was ever discovered to support the allegations of satanic cult activity by the components that made up the SRAS. hat constituted “satanic ritual abuse” was never clearly defined in North America. By the mid-1990’s, those previously portrayed as criminals during the SRAS were now portrayed as victims of a severe rumor panic. The idea of a “Satanic Cult” created a much scarier threat for the nation than individual incidents that were not connected to Satanism. After almost two decades of allegations of satanic cult ritual abuse, the SRAS seemed to be completely fabricated in the end. Throughout the rumor panic, many lives were ruined through false accusations, and many still remain in prison for crimes that were never committed. The SRAS created a “cult that never was” in the form of satanic activity.

[thought-corner-blog]

The Problem with Adolescence

This essay goes out to John Ford, literature teacher at QSI International School of Astana, who inspired me to write this essay. It is the goal of this essay to illustrate the fact that the concept of “the teenager” has lead to a widespread hypocrisy in American culture, and that the concept of adulthood beginning near the age of 12 which predated 1950s urbanization in the United States should be recognized as the superior ethos surrounding entrance into adulthood.

THE HISTORY

Noted author Andrew Cherlin explains in a documentary series that adolescence is a concept which resulted from World War II veterans reacting to the trauma of war and the Great Depression by “going inward” and “marrying young.” Focusing on family values and middle class stability. Professor Doug McAdam at Stanford University adds onto this in the same documentary series, explaining that the economic prosperity of the sixties allowed older generations to focus on their children, making youth the center of suburban life. McAdam goes on to further illustrate that things like little league games and PTA meetings cemented the “uniqueness” and “generational potency” of teenagers. It was also after the Great Depression that agricultural workers began representing an increasingly small percentage of the American population. According to the US Department of Agriculture, the number of farms began to decrease from 1935 until present day, but the size of farms increased. This trend not only represents the growing industrialism of the modern age, but it also represents the growth of urbanization and the obsolescence of small farms. According to this graph, the number of small farms was cut in half between 1930 and 1950, and has been decreasing ever since. This growing trend of modern, middle class life and economic prosperity, in addition to the societal response to the traumas of war and poverty, lead to the formation of the culture surrounding “teenagers.”

This was a sudden and extreme change that took place over just twenty years. A snapshot of the era pre-dating the formation of “teenagers” is illustrated in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. For example, in chapter 12 Jem becomes 12 years old. In this chapter Jem is described as acquiring a “maddening air of wisdom” (155). In the next few chapters, Scout describes Jem’s journey into manhood in which he casts away childish things and begins taking on more adult-like characteristics. The adults in this story react to this positively, explaining that this is a natural process which everyone must go through. Calpurnia explains that Jem has gotten old enough to be called “mister Jem” (153). This entry into adulthood is also illustrated when Jem says that things are “different with grown folks, we-” before being interrupted (184). The word “we” is integral to Jem’s perception of himself and how the adults in his life perceive him. It shows that during this time there was a strict dichotomy between “grown folks” and children, and Jem falls into the former category. Assuming that To Kill a Mockingbird is representative of the culture of this time, adulthood started during pubescence. Of course, Jem is still told what to do by Atticus and Calpurnia, but he is given more respect and responsibility, and the severity and strictness from Atticus begins to diminish. John Ford, the previously cited English teacher at my old school, theorizes that when the dominance of small farms began to diminish, the idea of 12-20 year olds being adults was also abandoned.

The previously cited graph showing the number of small farms over time in the United States shows that the number of small farms peaked during the 1930s, and had yet to be revolutionized by 1950s economic prosperity. It follows that the culture and ethos of small farms would be at its most dominant during this peak, and To Kill a Mockingbird takes place during this peak. The necessity of farmhands during this time led to an increased level of expectation, respect, and responsibility for spry young sons and daughters who would be able to carry out daily functions more effectively than their aged parents. It is apparent that Atticus’s parental methods are influenced by this pre-World War II culture.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the first known use of the word “teenage” was in 1912, and according to the Google Ngram viewer, the use of the word “teenager” did not pick up until around 1960, increasing exponentially between then and 1980 before decreasing slightly and then levelling off. The word “teenager,” like the concept, is comparatively new.

THE PROBLEM

Michael Stevens, American educator and creator of the renowned YouTube channel “Vsauce,” cites numerous examples to help illustrate his point that the disappointment or concern from older generations, or “Juvenoia,” is nothing new (Juvenoia). Stevens cites George Orwell, who says “every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that came before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.”

One might ask, then, “what exactly is the problem?” If people saying “kids these days” is par for the course, why should the idea of being a teenager, or the problems facing today’s youth be considered especially disconcerting? Stevens addresses this by stating that, while Juvenoia is not a new concept, the magnitude and nature of it has changed drastically along with the formation of teenhood. While there were scraps of concern and distaste for younger generations throughout history, juvenoia turned into more of a “widespread panic” once the term teenager became more rigidly defined. Once the concept of teenhood became more precise, the societal anxiety became much more acute and severe.

The concept of adolescence fuels the direction and magnitude of juvenoia coming from previous generations, which leads to a cognitive dissonance which permeates American culture. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines cognitive dissonance as “psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously.” In other words, holding two beliefs that directly contradict the other. These two beliefs regarding teenagers can be summarised as perceptions of teenagers and expectations of teenagers.

As previously illustrated, the perceptions of teenagers are widely negative, with a few exceptions. The aforementioned acute and widespread juvenoia is based off of views held by a majority of Baby Boomers and previous generations that Gen-Z teenagers are, on average, lazy, fiscally irresponsible, disrespectful, ignorant, arrogant, and insufferable. It is a rarely disputed claim that a large amount of people who are middle aged or older are extremely critical of younger generations, and Michael Stevens claims that in recent years this phenomena of “juvenoia” has grown as a result of the formation of adolescence.

This perception directly contradicts the expectations and pressures placed on teenagers. Teenagers must get good grades, wake up at 6 am every school day, and attend school for 6 hours every weekday. They are expected to complete all homework assignments on time at home, adding several hours to the work day. They are expected to cope with the social pressures of high school every weekday. They are expected to submit to all authorities unflinchingly, formulate well informed opinions and perceptions about the world, and treat their peers and superiors with the utmost respect. They are expected to do all of these things unpaid, and they are also expected to leave the house and enter into a higher education without accruing too much debt, which is impossible to do without first having a job, so many teenagers are also expected to do all of these things while also holding down a job (most likely a retail job which pays $8.50-$9.50 an hour). The list goes on, and is comparable to the list of responsibilities held by an adult with a middle-class job. A generous comparison would say teenagers have almost as many responsibilities and pressures as the average adult, but it seems as though the magnitude of the social, psychological, and intellectual strain of succeeding as a teenager is practically the same as the social, psychological, and intellectual strain of succeeding as an adult. The responsibilities for teenagers are different, but they even out to be roughly equal to, or marginally less than the responsibilities of an average adult. One should see the contradiction here. Many adults hold the belief that teenagers can fulfil these emotionally and psychologically draining tasks all day, five days a week, but they also hold the belief that teenagers are lazy, stupid, ignorant, and crude. If teenagers were, on average, lazy, stupid, ignorant, and crude, they would not be equipped to handle the responsibilities given to them. These two beliefs exist in stark contradiction to one another, yet they permeate American culture on an unprecedented scale. Thus the cognitive dissonance. This cognitive dissonance should be considered a problem solely because it exists, and widespread hypocrisy should be identified and addressed on any level, but this contradiction of beliefs leads to problems which are much more severe than people simply being wrong.

This contradiction of attitude and expectation leads to a contradiction of expectation and treatment. While teenagers are expected to fulfil all of these duties efficiently and effectively, the treatment they receive is not representative of this. The current culture of juvenoia acts as a tool for parents to marginalize and disregard the feelings and concerns of younger generations. Another example of this contradiction is in where autonomy lies. Teenagers are allowed the autonomy to decide a long term plan for their life, to determine where they will go to college, and to determine how to get good grades in school, but their rights are curbed in many other areas such as the political and religious spheres. Teenagers are given the expectations and pressures of adulthood without enjoying the benefits that should come with it.

This leads to even more problems for teenagers, because if teenagers are not allowed a voice in the political sphere, they are allowed very little influence over policies which directly affect them, such as educational reform and gun control. This is important, because teenagers know a lot more about how different policies directly affect them than do many adults. Wealthy bureaucrats who have not experienced high school in over 20 years should not have more say in educational reform than students who are being directly affected by ineffective educational policies. The belief that “all men are created equal” is not being represented if younger generations do not have an equal voice. If all perspectives are not represented in the area of political discourse, Americans are failing to represent the democracy their culture was founded upon.

THE SOLUTION

The solution is simple. Stop treating teenagers like their own subspecies. Laurel Taub comments in a David Hoffman documentary that teenagers in the 1950s weren’t “treated as if [they] were people. [they] were another species.” In my own experience, this is very true today. Teenagers are not treated as though they are adults and they aren’t treated as though they are children, because they aren’t given the respect that adults receive and they are not given the lack of responsibility that children receive. If teenagers are taken more seriously and treated more like adults than children, this will alleviate tension in the household and in society at large, and it will also condition teenagers to act more like adults. In addition to all of this, it will improve the emotional and psychological well-being of teenagers. This has to take place on an individual level, because it is unlikely that some sort of cultural revolution will take place. It’s more likely that the cycle of teenagers becoming adults and then adults becoming vindictive will continue, but it is important that we make a conscious decision to avoid doing this. It should go without saying that being a self-righteous and bitter person about any topic should be avoided, but this is rarely applied to the area of generational conflicts.

Works Cited

“Cognitive Dissonance.” Merriam Webster, www.merriam-webster.com, 2019.

“Farming and Farm Income.” United States Department of Agriculture, 6 March 2019, www.ers.usda.gov/data-products/ag-and-food-statistics-charting-the-essentials/farming-and-farm-income/.

“How 1950s Parents Felt About Their Children.” YouTube, Uploaded by David Hoffman, 4 June 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUorVXJ8MZE.

“In the 1950s there Were Lots of Rules.” YouTube, Uploaded by David Hoffman, 4 April 2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrYX9j3Tqzw.

“Juvenoia.” YouTube, Uploaded by Vsauce, 1 Nov 2015, www.youtube.com/watch?v=LD0x7ho_IYc&t=1078s.

Lee, Harper. To Kill a Mockingbird, Grand Central Publishing, 2010.

“Teenage.” Merriam Webster, www.merriam-webster.com, 2019.

“Teenager.” Google Ngram Viewer, Google, books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=Teenager&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CTeenager%3B%2Cc0#t1%3B%2CTeenager%3B%2Cc0.

[theliterateape]

Our Weekend with Michael Jackson and R. Kelly

By David Himmel

The first rule of moving into a new place is to set up, even in a temporary location, the stereo. Good music sets the beat for organizing your new digs and allows for mini-dance parties as you determine which cabinet the coffee mugs will call home. This is what I did when Katie and I moved into our first and current apartment together.

Katie came with a record player. I had planned on buying one for myself just about the time we got serious, so when we moved in together, hers became mine, and I was Don Hall-excited about it. I could finally dust off my vinyl collection and give the discs a spin. The first one I chose was my original pressing of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. At about the third track, the Paul McCartney duet “The Girl is Mine,” Katie asked, “Who is this?”

“Who is this!?” I responded, astounded and slightly confused. “It’s Michael Jackson. It’s Thriller — the second best-selling album of all time.”

“Oh, I don’t like Michael Jackson.”

I immediately questioned our entire relationship and my taste in women. “What!? How can you not like Michael Jackson?”

“He’s super creepy.”

 “Okay. But what about his music? You like his music, right?”

“Eh. It’s okay.”

Once my wave of panic broke, I realized why Katie’s opinion was what it was. She’s six years younger than me. She was born in 1986, a year before Bad was released. By the time she was old enough to purposefully consume music, MJ was well past the mercurial and eccentric pop god the majority of the world adored. Balancing the art and the artist wasn’t an issue for Katie because she never experienced Michael at his best, before the cracks in his façade began to show.

She admitted that his influence in pop music was undeniable and that she didn’t dislike his music, so I happily let the rest of the album play. As it did, I age-splained what Michael Jackson was like before the pedophilia stories broke and he dangled his child over a balcony and his face and skin looked like Vincent Price’s nightmares and he painfully French kissed Lisa Marie Presley on TV. I told her how I, like millions of children and adults, copied his dance moves as best we could, and how I listened to my Bad tape so much that I eventually wore it out and had to have my parents buy me a new one. I told her how we — the fans — let slide the strangeness of carrying Emanuel Lewis like a baby at the 1984 AMAs because, well, geniuses do strange things. Michael Jackson fandom was completely lost on her. And it makes perfect sense as to why. She was, ironically, too young to have been pulled in by the magnificence of Michael’s magnetism.

 ✶

In the late 1980s and early 1990s, I was a huge fan of hip-hop, R&B, and rap music. I sought that music out and consumed it ferociously and almost exclusively.

Throughout my pre-teen and early teenage years, I was so into the music that my bedroom walls were plastered in magazine clipping photos of my favorite artists: Bell Biv DeVoe, Boyz II Men, Father MC, En Vogue, TLC, Tony Terry, Tony! Toni! Toné!, Mary J. Blige, Postive K, R. Kelly, New Edition, 2Pac, etc. My father, standing with me in my room, once asked me, “Are you gay?”

“No. Why”

“You have all these pictures of men hanging up.”

 “I like their music.”

 “Do you want to be black?”

 “I’ve never thought of that.”

I would rush home from junior high school every day (when I didn’t have band or spring musical rehearsal, or Hebrew school) to watch BET’s half-hour music video show. It played a lot of my music and a lot of music that wasn’t being played on radio. It introduced me to artists that were under the radar compared to what the rest of my friends were listening to. I reveled in knowing about music they didn’t. One artist, early on in his career, was R. Kelly.

The video for “She’s Got That Vibe” wowed me. The song was New Jack Swing perfection. The video was early ’90s cool. I wanted that CD. I needed that CD. Since I was only twelve years old and there was no internet, I was at the mercy of my parents driving me to the mall and other record stores to find the CD. No place we knew of carried it. One desk clerk at the Lincoln mall Sam Goody almost laughed at me when I asked him if they had R. Kelly’s album.

“Never heard of it.”

Oh, you will, I thought.

Soon after, a mailer from Columbia House arrived in our mailbox. “12 CDs for a Penny!” it advertised. I flipped through the pamphlet to see what they were offering and there it was: R. Kelly and the Public Announcement’s Born Into the ‘90s. I was sold. I told my parents I wanted to do it.

“It’s a scam,” my parents told me. I didn’t care. I wanted that album, and eleven other albums Columbia House had available for my listening pleasure. After the twelve CDs for a penny, I’d be locked in to purchase another set number of CDs at their price within a certain time period. I don’t remember what that was exactly, but I told my parents that I’d assume all financial responsibility. They decided to let me go forward on it, and in what may well be my most successful moment of money management, I met my requirements with no problem. Babysitting, cutting grass and saving my allowance money afforded me the ability to score stacks of amazing CDs.

When Born Into the ’90s arrived, I devoured it. Every single track was incredible. I couldn’t get enough of it. I loved that R. Kelly was from Chicago. I loved that his voice sounded unique against everything else out there. I loved that his songs were all about girls because I was all about girls.

Not long after I memorized every lyric on the album, I discovered the first clue that R. Kelly was a little odd. It had been there, right in my ears the whole time. Toward the end of “She’s Got that Vibe,” R. Kelly starts listing all the girls who “got that vibe.”

“… Stephanie's got it And Sabrina's got it Rachelle has got it yeah Gladys got it Fontina's got it Little cute Aaliyah's got it Ooh Stacy's got it I tell ya Tita's got it I tell ya Rita's got it Oh Laurel's got it And Kim's got it, yeah”

“Little cute Aaliyah’s got it.” Harmless the first few hundred times I heard it, but once Aaliyah came onto the scene, I had to pause. Aaliyah was my age — five months older. She was a child. Why would he be singing about a child having that vibe? I knew it had to have been that Aaliyah because I knew R. Kelly wrote and produced her first hit, “Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number.” Weird, I thought. But that was the extent of it. Because what did I know? I was twelve.

When R. Kelly’s second album, 12 Play dropped, I bought it immediately. This time Sam Goody had it. The songs were a whole lot sexier. While still a great album, I didn’t really understand why he was so fixated on screwing. Where was the romance I thought I heard on Born Into the ’90s? By the time his third album, R. Kelly was released, I had lost interest. In part because I had discovered punk rock and also because I couldn’t relate to much of what he was singing about. I was fifteen years old and horny as hell, but I couldn’t understand why R. Kelly seemed to be so incredibly horny. It was extreme.

I moved on. But I still would go back to those first two albums and play them. When the accusations about more inappropriate sexual activity and molestation and predatory behavior came to the surface, I wasn’t surprised at all. R. Kelly was a dangerous pervert from the very beginning and he’d been telling us about it every step of the way.

 ✶ 

In January, Katie and I watched the Lifetime documentary Surviving R, Kelly. It was, of course, disturbing and disgusting but it was hardly shocking. Similar to her experience with Michael Jackson, Katie never got into R. Kelly’s music, and though I told her of my love for the guy in the early ’90s, I was not inclined to promote his impact on music or make any case for separating the art from the artist because, for one, R. Kelly’s art was chock-full of his disgusting behavior and two, because while some have called R. Kelly a genius, he’s not. R. Kelly is no Michael Jackson. 

As more stories about Jackson’s alleged pedophilia came to surface, I never once denied that it was wrong. But I never thought he was a predator. I always figured — like so many of us — that he was a product of his wonky childhood and was a broken man who didn’t know appropriate social behavior. He was the proverbial man-child — a little, lonely boy stuck in the body of a grown man. I believed that he did some inappropriate things like sleeping in the same bed with his boy fans and playing odd, pervy little kid games that kids might play when they’re just figuring out what their penises are for. But I never thought he was a rapist, a pedophile, a predator. He was just a really, really weird dude. The whole thing struck me as sad, and yes, gross.

When we watched Leaving Neverland, I did so with ever-increasing discomfort as the indisputable stories of rape, manipulation, and the twisted workings of a predator unfolded. When it was over, Katie asked me, “What do you think about Michael Jackson now?”

“He’s a fucking monster,” I said.

✶

I’ll still go back to Born Into the ’90s and 12 Play because when I do, I’m brought back to where I was at the time when they were new music. At this point, I now I’ll enjoy them even more once the sonofabitch is in jail. Proper justice makes everything sweeter. But is there still enough salt in R. Kelly’s music when I think about the damage he caused all of those girls and their families? Damn right.

Michael’s music doesn’t gross me out as much. It’s too much a part of my DNA. It’s too much a part of the world’s DNA. The influence of 1980s Michael Jackson is a through line in almost every single pop song since and will likely continue to be. My son is almost a year old and Thriller gets him dancing every single time. (I haven’t played any R. Kelly for him yet, so I’m not sure how he’ll like that stuff.) And when he’s old enough, I’m sure I’ll have to have The Talk with him. I imagine it’ll go something like this:

“Harry, Michael Jackson’s music is incredible. Appreciate that. But know that Michael Jackson was a horrifying person. He hurt people while singing about healing the world. People are complicated. His music may inspire you, but please don’t let the man behind the music inspire you. Unless we’re talking about Quincy Jones. Because as far as we know, Quincy Jones is still a stand-up guy.

I loved Michael Jackson growing up. And I can’t forgive him for what he did. It’s not really my place to forgive him because he didn’t hurt me or my family, but I still feel slighted by his foul behavior. So keep on dancing, my son. Get up off the wall, shake your body down to the ground, moonwalk, if you can, but know that even the greatest artists, our heroes, can be hideous monsters.”

Like so many of us who are or were Michael Jackson fans, I’ve been pouring over my relationship with him and his music. I’m not ashamed that I wasn’t fully committed to thinking he was a pedophile rapist. I needed the facts laid out before me.

But I’ll tell you this: even at the height of my adoration for the King of Pop, I never thought Captain EO was anything but wretchedly uncomfortable. Worse than kissing Lisa Marie.

[shotguns-and-socialites]

Corner Drug Store

Bargain Express, a chain of convenience stores and pharmacies owned by Bargain Barn, has over 5,000 locations in over 30 countries. They provide a wide variety of ready to eat meals and over the counter drugs.

Ready-to-Eat Meals

SandwichToGo™ Microwaveable Turnovers

Item, Meal

Cost: $2

Item Level: 1st

Comes in six delicious flavors: Bacon & Broccoli Quiche, Pepperoni Pizza, Spicy Lamb Stew, Chicken Pot Pie, Pork Cemita, and Cheesesteak. Contains 2 servings per package. Restores 1 HP, plus additional HP equal to an attribute based on the flavor:

Bacon & Broccoli Quiche: Acuity

Pepperoni Pizza: Brawn

Spicy Lamb Stew: Charisma

Chicken Pot Pie: Dexterity

Pork Cemita: Enthusiasm

Cheesesteak: Fury

Mountain’s Reach

Item, Consumable

Cost: $6

Item Level: 1st

A six pack of citrus-flavored soda with high amounts of caffeine. Restores 1 PP. Characters cannot recover more PP than their level each day from caffeine.

Fortune Cookie

Item, Consumable

Cost: $1

Item Level: 1st

A single cookie, flavored with super-culinary grade vanilla and sesame. Each cookie cures curses. Roll a d20 to generate a random fortune, or the GM can invent their own. Like an ordinary fortune cookie, these are merely slips of paper.

Qb abg sbetrg gb qevax Pubpbzvyx!

You will travel to many exotic places in your lifetime.

Adversity is the parent of virtue.

Meeting you double means certain death.

Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.

Conceive and not posses; act and not dwell; lead and not dictate. These are the intricacies of Virtue.

Keep your eye out for someone special.

Asking about monsters may be very useful.

Your best days are behind you.

If you feel you are right, stand firmly by your convictions.

Good news will soon be smiling your way.

Now is the time to try something new.

A grand reward awaits you just around the corner.

You are about to be crushed by a giant corn.

A stranger is a friend you have not spoken to yet.

Serious trouble will bypass you.

Aleuromancy doesn't work.

Your ability for accomplishment will follow with success.

Sometimes violence is not the answer. This is not one of those times.

Sorry, no fortune this time. Better luck next cookie!

Pudding Frosteez

Item, Meal

Cost: $1

Item Level: 1st

A single serving of either vanilla or strawberry-flavored frozen pudding on a stick. Vanilla frosteez increase physical defense by +1, and strawberry frosteez increase mental defense by +1. Effects last for 1 hour.

Poppin’ Crisps™

Item, Meal

Cost: $1

Item Level: 1st

A single serving of fried potato chips. Offers 1 protection against a single damage type, based on the flavor of the chip. Effects last for 1 hour.

Horse Radish: anger

Salt & Vinegar: sorrow

Plain: ennui

Jalapeño & Cheese: fire

Wild Celery: water

Green Onion: electric

Tomato & Garlic: poison

Chili & Lime: cut

BBQ: crush

Cheeseburger: pierce

Lozenges

Item, Consumable

Item Level: 1st

Cost: $15

A roll of 15 cough drops, containing honey, artificial honey flavor, benzocaine, eucalyptus oil, and clove oil. Contains 15 doses. Each dose gives +1 damage to voice and book attacks for 15 minutes.

Bubblegum

Item, Consumable

Item Level: 1st

Cost: $15

A pack of 15 sticks of obnoxiously pink gum, flavored like strawberries and bananas. Contains 15 doses. Each dose gives +1 damage to toy attacks for 15 minutes.

OTC Drugs

Cigarettes

Item, Consumable

Item Level: 1st

Cost: $15

A pack of 15 cigarettes. You should really quit smoking. Contains 15 doses. Each dose gives +1 damage to gun and artillery attacks for 15 minutes.

First Aid Kit

Item, Consumable

Cost: $120

Item Level: 0

A first aid kit, with 10 charges. As a full round action, a character may make a Medicine roll to spend any number of charges to produce the following effects in a single character within 1 yd, with the roll TN equaling 5 plus the number of charges spent.

1 charges: They recover 1d8 HP.

2 charges:  They are cured of curse, daze, nausea, outrage, panic, slow, and immolation.

3 charges: if they are reduced to 0 or less HP before your next turn, they recover 2d8 HP. If this damage was enough to kill them, and the healing is enough to restore them to 1 or more HP, they come back to life.

Milky Plastic Pillbox

Item, Accessory

Cost: $11

Item Level: 1st

Effect: Holds up to seven individual doses of consumable items of item level 3rd or lower. Once a round as a free action, the wearer can consume one of the items.

Oil of Carmine

Item, Consumable

Cost: $35

Item Level: 1st

A deep red essential oil derived from the destructive distillation of the cochineal scale. As the therapeutic dose is very small, it is normally diluted in sunflower oil, giving the whole solution a honey color. Restores 1 EP.

Oil of Bergamot

Item, Consumable

Cost: $35

Item Level: 1st

A mixture of essential oils derived from bergamot, mint, and bitter orange, diluted in sunflower oil. Has a nice, relaxing scent. Restores 1 FP.

Felicium

Item, Consumable

Cost: $55

Item Level: 1st

A powerful nootropic originally derived from king’s foil petals. It would take 15 pounds of petals to make one dose of the stuff. One package contains 4 blue gel capsules. One capsule restores 1d4-1 point of PP. If it restores no PP, it deals 1d4 poison damage to you.

Pink Bismuth

Item, Consumable

Cost: $10

Item Level: 1st

Ten pink, chewable tablets containing bismuth subsalicylate. Each tablet cures nausea.

Diphen

Item, Consumable

Cost: $10

Item Level: 1st

Ten white pills containing diphenhydramine. Each pill cures slowness.

Valor

Item, Consumable

Cost: $10

Item Level: 1st

Ten white pills containing valerenic acid and valine. Each pill cures panic.

Mint

Item, Consumable

Cost: $10

Item Level: 1st

A small bottle of dried, super-culinary grade mint. Enough mint for 10 doses. Each dose cures outrage.

Henamine

Item, Consumable

Cost: $10

Item Level: 1st

Ten blue pills containing hyoscyamine sulfate. Each pill cures daze.

Eye Drops

Item, Consumable

Cost: $10

Item Level: 2nd

A small bottle of tetryzoline, diluted in saline. Enough drops for 5 doses. Each dose cures temporary blindness.

Ear Drops

Item, Consumable

Cost: $10

Item Level: 2nd

A small bottle of super-culinary grade vinegar, diluted in grain alcohol. Enough drops for 5 doses. Each dose cures temporary deafness.

Lavel

Item, Consumable

Cost: $10

Item Level: 2nd

Five brown and white capsules containing very small quantities of lavellanin hydrochloride, a salt form of lavellan venom. Each pill cures distraction.

DNA Cleaner

Item, Consumable

Cost: $35

Item Level: 3rd

A single bottle of DNA cleaner contains 120 soft gel capsules. Taking a number of these pills with a large amount of water (at least a minute long action) causes all supernatural effects on you to end within the hour, with the magical residues being passed in your urine. Only effects with an item or power level less than or equal to the number of pills taken can be removed this way. Only up to 10 pills can be taken at once; additional pills have no effect.

Other Items

Lotto Ticket

Item, Miscellaneous

Item Level: -

Cost: $5

Scratch off cards sold by the state. Must be redeemed the next session. Roll a d100:

1: Nothing

2-51: $1

52-76: $2

77-86: $5

87-96: $10

97: $20

98: $50

99: $100

100: Roll again. You gain 10 times the rolled amount. Multiple rolls of 100 stack.

Baby Oil

Item, Consumable

Item Level: 1st

Cost: $15

A bottle of clear and greasy baby oil. Contains 15 doses. Each dose gives +1 damage to unarmed and pre-modern attacks for 15 minutes.

Lube

Item, Consumable

Item Level: 1st

Cost: $15

A metal tube of black, oily, industrial lubricant. Contains 15 doses. Each dose gives +1 damage to tool attacks for 15 minutes.

Instrument Kit

Item, Consumable

Item Level: 1st

Cost: $30

A small kit of everything you need to keep your instrument in tiptop shape. Contains 15 uses. Each use gives +1 damage to instrument attacks for 15 minutes. After all 15 uses are used up, the empty kit may be used in place of $7 worth of raw materials for making a new kit.

Super Scrub

Item, Consumable

Item Level: 2nd

Cost: $8

A melamine sponge packaged with a small spray bottle of ammonium hydroxide. Can be applied to people or objects, and contains enough material for 4 uses. Each use prevents the target from leaving any trace of their passage, providing advantage on Stealth rolls and preventing it from being tracked by non-magical means. These effects last an hour.

[arcanakrp-blog]

AHN JAEYONG – THE HANGED MAN. AGENT 12.

                                                   [   FILE TYPE: CLASSIFIED   ]

//: LOADING PROFILE: AHN JAEYONG ...

international age: 23 birthplace: seoul, south korea arcana: the hanged man team number: two

//: LOADING MUTATION: FEAR MANIPULATION ...

application one: phobia manifestation — perhaps the core of jaeyong’s abilities lies in the fact that he can evoke extreme fear in others by creating phobias that the target might not have had before. for example, someone could be apathetic towards spiders, but jaeyong could manipulate their brain’s fear center such that if there were spiders around, they would suddenly react with intense fear as if they’ve always had arachnophobia. often, it’s easier for him to manifest commonly known fears (heights, closed spaces, spiders, death) because most people already at least have some sort of dislike towards them, allowing him to simply elevate that dislike into a phobia.

application two: fear augmentation — as the name suggests, jaeyong’s able to amplify the amount of fear a target feels. this, of course, requires them to currently be in a state of fear. while seemingly simple, this power is perhaps his most dangerous one, the one he has most difficulty controlling (at least when he originally became part of arc). augmenting someone’s fear can, and will if he doesn’t control it, cause extreme anxiety and stress, the rapid increase and irregularity of one’s heartbeat, the shortness of breath, the temporary spike in blood pressure, and the increased likeliness of a heart-attack or, in very extreme cases, death, in that order.

as a whole, fear augmentation kicks the body’s flight-response into high gear and responds as needed until he no longer augments it. this is where control becomes important, and, for jaeyong, difficult since he feeds off and gets stronger from fear.

application three: fear empowerment — while he’s normally physically human in that he lacks superhuman strength, speed, or stamina, jaeyong can feed off of fear to temporarily become a bit stronger than he really is. the amount of strength he gains is highly dependent on the level of fear he’s feeding from (i.e. if someone’s only mildly afraid, there won’t be a noticeable difference in his strength, but if someone’s having a panic attack, the gained strength will be very clear).

but even at its greatest, he doesn’t quite gain superhuman strength, meaning he can’t lift a car or several bodies at once, but when he punches someone it will certainly feel like he’s been training as a boxer for a few months. overall, drawing from fear enhances his condition (though not to the level of the emperor), giving him more stamina and speed than he’s normally capable of, allowing him to last longer in physical fights.

overall strengths and weaknesses: — while in theory jaeyong can manifest a phobia out of thin air, it’s incredibly difficult to make a target have a phobia of something mundane or something that isn’t normally terrifying in any volume to begin with. meaning, it’s much easier for him to manifest a phobia of snakes in someone that at least has a base-level dislike of them, but it’d be much more difficult (if not impossible at this moment) for him to cause a target to have a phobia of trees.

the strength of his phobia manifestation, however, comes with the fact that he can cause a target to have some hallucinations of whatever phobia he creates. for example, if he manifests arachnophobia in someone, he can also cause them to hallucinate that there are hundreds of spiders crawling around the room, triggering their fear response. currently, this is his weakest power and he’s only able to cause basic hallucinations that have things appear, but not directly do anything to the target. moreover, hallucinations are hallucinations. if the target is aware of that everything’s an illusion, they can break out of it and the manifested phobia is thus rendered useless because the stimuli is no longer there. because of this, he typically prefers to manifest a phobia of himself, because even if the target manages to break out of the hallucinations that twist his features into something darker, cynical, almost monster-like, jaeyong himself is still there and the phobia persists.

his fear augmentation is, of course, limited in that the target must already be afraid. the augmentation is relative, so if the target’s only mildly afraid, it will take longer for him to augment the fear to the level of increasing blood pressure, but if the target’s already intensely afraid, it only takes a small amount of time before he can cause a heart attack. the range of this power is, currently, very limited. he can only augment those that are within a few feet, no more than 5, and the closer they are, the better he can augment. it is also greatly enhanced if he’s physically touching the target, but as of recent developments he no longer requires touch and can augment by intensely focusing on the target.

in theory, augmentation doesn’t require too much control to stop. it takes more focus to begin than it does to stop considering that simply requires him to, well, stop focusing. but because he feeds off fear, and because jaeyong has grown somewhat dependent, addicted even, to the strength and mental fortitude that fear gives him, sometimes he gets out of personal control and cannot stop himself until someone snaps him out. in a mission setting, this is dangerous as he’s typically meant to interrogate rather than kill. and, well, it’s difficult to interrogate someone if they’ve fainted or died.

overall, he is not wholly immune to fear, nor to his own powers. he can augment his own fear or manifest a phobia within himself, also allowing him to feed off his own fear. he was taught by the arc how to do this, but he hated the feeling, felt completely powerless despite the empowerment, and so he prefers to use others as his source. given how much he hates that feeling, he’s also now learned how to control his fear center, allowing him to, while conscious and focused, manipulate his fear response such that it appears as if he’s not afraid of anything.

again, this doesn’t mean he’s immune to it and ever since his powers manifested, he’s had nightmares every night that consists of all his greatest fears amplified three times over.

playing with fear comes with a price, after all.

//: LOADING HISTORY .. 

PRE-MUTATION

tw: suicide mention

jaeyong’s story begins before he’s even born.

picture two high school sweethearts fresh out of college because they somehow manage to pull through it together, still very much in love. picture the joy on their faces when they get married and the pregnancy test turns up positive, just as planned. picture that joy slowly draining from their faces over the years when they learn their little baby, the son that’s supposed to be their shining light is anything but. that ahn jaemin… he’s a little strange, don’t you think? it’s what everyone says, anyway. and maybe they’re right. they see the disregard for others, the eerie apathy, the way he sits silently in his little back corner desk, scribbling away until it’s time to leave. and what they don’t see are the insects he burns on his way home, the stray cats that now limp and hiss when they see his face.

his parents see everything, though, and it breaks them down. they don’t know how to deal with him, so, for the most part, they don’t. they feed him, buy him clothes and other necessities, but otherwise jaemin might as well be a stranger to them. they don’t know the first thing about their son, and the scary part is that they believe it’s better that way. it’s a terrible thing to think, that you’re better off not loving your only child, but they cope with it through alcohol and nights spent outside of the apartment.

they never plan on having another child after jaemin, why would they afterall? but life never goes as planned, and so jaeyong’s story continues after a drunken night finds his parents disappointed by the positive pregnancy test and dreading the day of his birth.

he’s a second chance for his parents, a sweet little baby boy that appears to be normal, but they’ve long lost their dream of a perfect family by then. and so he grows up with absent parents and a very present brother who plays hide and seek with him only to leave jaeyong hiding for hours and a threat that if he moves without being found first, he’ll twist his finger. five year old jaeyong doesn’t believe it at first, but after he spends one night bawling from the agonizing pain, he believes his every threat (of which there are many).

maybe if jaeyong had been his parents first and only child, he could have grown up normal. could stress out about school grades and college admissions like everyone else, but he wasn’t, so he doesn’t. he grows up anxious, weak, untrusting, and antisocial because he thinks everyone is as manipulative and terrifying as jaemin. he grows up watching the back of his closet door instead of tv, feels fear when he peaks out the little crack and sees his brother staring back with anger in his voice telling him to not look. he grows up unsure of himself, unsure of his own sanity all before he’s twelve years old because when his brother lets him get out of the closet and jaeyong swears that his bedsheets changed, or that he’s missing some clothes, or what have you, jaemin says that none of that happened, that he’s simply imagining things. the words spill out so easily, so weirdly charismatic and convincing from jaemin’s lips that jaeyong begins doubting himself and his mental stability plummets.

not that it was very stable to begin with.

at thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, jaeyong starts avoiding home when he can. he sightsees around seoul, spends afternoons at the arcade, at the park, on the rooftop of their building. he tries to create some semblance of a normal, teenage life, but even at the arcade, loss screens plummet his self-esteem; at the park, he can never escape the flashbacks of his brother saying he’ll be back with ice cream, only to be left there until dark where he got lost trying to find his way back home; and on the rooftop, he wonders what might be different now if he didn’t stop his brother from jumping off just to make jaeyong watch.

everything always goes back to jaemin. jaemin, jaemin, jaemin. and by sixteen jaeyong is sick of it. he tries to grow a backbone, tries to tell his brother to fuck off when he tries to threaten him again, only for it to backfire when jaemin follows through with his threat and burns down the hagwon nearby and pins it on jaeyong.

two people dead and one underage culprit currently being investigated, the news says. impossible, jaeyong laughs bitter while he’s at the station, because jaemin’s already of age at twenty-one then. he tries to tell them they’ve got the wrong guy, but his brother’s a wordsmith, a natural born charmer (or, in other words, a liar) who convinces the police that jaeyong’s always been a bit unstable, that it breaks his heart to rat his brother out but he definitely saw him walk into that hagwon with gasoline and lighter in hand. and just like that, jaeyong’s detained at a juvenile corrections facility.

it’s strange but he feels freer there, no longer under his brother’s thumb. it allows him to get angry, to realize he’s been manipulated this entire time, to plan for revenge when he gets out, to wish his brother dead. only, when he’s almost eighteen, just about to be released, and hears news that his brother died (suicide, they tell him), jaeyong’s heart sinks six feet under and guilt weighs heavy on him for even wishing he would die.

from there, when he’s released from corrections into court-mandated therapy sessions twice a week instead, his story changes from jaeyong’s to yong’s.

yong isn’t weak, at least not outwardly. he is charismatic, convincing, smug smiles and the idle slide of his thumb against your hand. he’s cocky despite having no reason to be, manipulative and selfish. it’s awkward at first, this transformation, and he stumbles over his lies more than he should, but not for long because it’s amazing how much one can learn when you experience something for sixteen years straight.

he replaces his guilt this way, by assuming his brother’s position. he always did envy jaemin to begin with when he wasn’t anxious out of his mind, always wanted that level of control he had, the power he wielded, the odd charm, the intensity. so he takes it all and calls it his, shows up to therapy with a smile and lies. at home, he plays with his brother’s old lighter, flicks it on and off, holds it to the end of paper and watches it burn. he’s still under surveillance, or at least he believes, so he can only be his brother so an extent. he can act like he owns the damn school and that everyone owes him, but he can’t act out on the strange desire to burn his school desk while everyone’s out at lunch, just to see what would happen.

for years, even after he’s out of high school and of age, he feels like he’s always being watched. he can never tell if it’s just paranoia, but it always hinders him, has him temporarily revert back to jaeyong the afraid.

until the meteor shower falls and yong prevails.

POST-MUTATION

the last pleasant, if one could call it that, dream yong ever has is the meteor shower one. he walks through the forest, finds a meteor, and wakes up the next day feeling a bit strange. nothing really hits him, though, until he falls asleep that night and has a terrifying nightmare that has him waking up in a cold sweat and his heart racing a mile a minute, then has another nightmare the following night, then the next, and the next, and the next…

the nightmares shake him up a bit, has his fake confidence wavering, has him paranoid and afraid of what the hell is happening, until he realizes that all the while he’s afraid, he also feels oddly powerful. he tests his instincts with a punch to the wall, and when it cracks with ease, he’s confused. 

his confusion then only heightens when a customer at the convenience store looks at him shifty-eyed and screams at him to just leave her the fuck alone, drops her stuff on the ground and runs out of the shop when he asks if she needs any help. similar incidents start occurring around him almost daily, many acting as if they’re afraid of him, some acting like they’re deathly afraid of spiders, swiping at their arms frantically as if there are a few crawling around. 

the ARC knocks at his door not too long after this, promising him answers and passing him paperwork that shows he’s no longer under government watch, that he’s no longer a patient of the therapist he’s been lying to for nearly three years by then. they offer him safety and protection in a roundabout way, as if nudging him to go nuts, to do what got him in juvie in the first place (which is hilarious, he thinks, since he did nothing). but yong sees this as his opportunity to really fulfill his brother’s shoes without worrying about getting caught, and so he packs his bags and joins them with no hesitation. 

there’s no one in seoul who will miss him, anyway.

yangyang is freeing, at least in the beginning. it is his playground. when they tell him he has fear manipulation, he almost thinks it’s hilarious because he’s spent so much of his life in fear, and developing many of them (the fear of tight spaces, fear of being forgotten, fear of getting lost, fear of jaemin, and the irrational fear of being accused of his death). and he thinks it’s even more hilarious, ironic, that he can give people hallucinations when he’s spent half of his life wondering if something really was an illusion or if jaemin was just trying to fuck with him again (to this day, he’s still never really sure). 

and maybe his powers are some joke at his expense, some reminder by the universe that he may be powerful now, but don’t forget he used to be the guy on the other side of it, the guy squirming in his seat on the brink of a panic attack. if it’s supposed to remind him of himself, it succeeds every time, but the longer he trains at yangyang, the stronger he gets, the more people he manipulates, the less it does so and the less he feels. 

perhaps it’s fitting, then, that they pair him with someone so susceptible to his manipulation. that they make him part of a team where it’s important to not feel so much remorse, or at least don’t act on it. he’s given missions that jaeyong would’ve flinched at, but yong takes with open arms and a smirk on his face when he sees the horror on everyone else’s and revels in the power, physical and mental, that it grants him. he quickly becomes addicted to that power, has failed a few too many test missions due to augmenting fear to the point of fainting, and at one time death.

he almost falters when that incident occurs, his cocky facade wavering when he tries to shake the researcher’s shoulder to no avail. but the other researchers look on with what can only be described as intrigue on their faces, he receives no punishment, no reprimand other than a warning to “at least make sure to extract all needed information from someone before augmenting them to that point, and we’ll take care of the rest. just, try not to make it frequent,” before sending him off to lunch like one of their colleagues didn’t just die before their eyes. 

and maybe this is when he reaches the point of no return. because now? he squelches jaeyong and finds it better to have no moral compass to speak of, to turn a blind eye to the fact that he’s become a monster