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chesacakeripper · 1 year

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vent post incoming because I am not sure if I'm having a proportional reaction to this or not and throwing it out into the void might help...

So. For context.

My mum's side of the family is very Organised. Particularly my aunt, who is queen of the Itinerary, but this also comes from primarily my grandad (in his 80s but pretty fucking healthy & ex-navy). I love them to bits, they're the Most Sane extended family I have (father's side has all sorts of weird interfamilial politics going on (which I shan't get into but jfc) and my stepdad's family is very nice but also Very Religious.

Bearing this in mind, they have this tradition of these big family holidays around special occasions - these have been the only family holidays I've ever been on barring boating with just my father and grandma when I was a kid - and they are always like. A big affair. Domestic, not abroad, but it's always Rent A Big House in an Area for a Time and then have extremely itinerised activities and have lots of Family Fun (usually whilst me and my mum quietly seethe about it because my aunt has Money and we have historically been very poor, so it's always been more of a burden for us but we just have to suck it up and deal.)

Anyway, this was Tolerable when I was a kid or a teenager and, ya know, in school and living at home.

I am now a 26 year old adult with a Real Job that has a fucked up rota of unsociable hours, that I often don't get until weeks before I'm due to start shifts, and runs year-to-year on the academic year calendar August to August. I also live several hundred miles away from my family.

Last year, there was a Big Family Holiday planned months in advance that I told them from the outset I was unlikely to be able to attend, because the date of it fell on my rotational week from one speciality to another, on a completely different site, and I would either not be able to take leave during that week due to mandatory induction or simply not *want* to due to learning how a new job works. So I didn't go.

My grandad evidently missed me being there (and is feeling his age a bit) so wanted to do another Big Family Holiday this year. Which I was asked about via a message from my mum. Initial planned date was september time 2023 which I said, yo that's way too far ahead for me to even know if I'll have a training post or even know where in the damn country I'll be working - this year I'm taking a year out of training to work ad-hoc shifts and have a break from the Relentlessness of Covid Pandemic Medicine, so like, before August would be good! Because I'm choosing my own hours!

Okay, mum said, are there any dates that are a solid no for you right now?

Ah, I said. Not during the week of Glastonbury Festival. Because we're trying to get tickets this year as it might be my only chance to definitely go and it's my partner's favourite place in the whole world.

This was. All the input I had. In the planning of this family holiday.

I received confirmation a bit later (this was in september 2022) to say that IT'S BEEN BOOKED! Family Holiday is GO!

For EIGHT ENTIRE DAYS in early July, like literally five days after Glasto is done.

Okay, I say, pissed off that I didn't get any input in how fucking long this holiday was, or, crucially, where it was. I got sent a link to a holiday house that I had a skim through but didn't think more about it other than, fuck me, a bit rude not to include me in literally any other part of the planning.

Skip ahead to now - May 2023 - I have secured a training post in a nearby city starting in August, which is excellent news, but still means I have to move house.

So I sit down with my partner as we try and run logistics on getting packing materials and looking at leadtimes on renting, and looking at quotes on storage units and the like.

I get my calendar up and check dates and when things are going to be best planned.

And I realise I have this fucking 8 day chunk of July blacked out for this family holiday that I absolutely have to attend this year because my grandparents are getting old and it might be The Last Big Family Gathering before something happens to their health, right. And I missed the one last year, so I gotta be at this one, otherwise shame on me.

This 8 day chunk of July that's right smack bang in between Glasto and When We Need to Be Moving House.

And then I double check where the fuck in the country this holiday is supposed to be, again.

*Dartmouth*. It's in. Fucking Dartmouth. Which if you are unaware of the British Isles Geography is right in the southwest corner of the fucking country. And is approximately a 5.5 hour no stops drive away from where I live.

Readers, if you've gotten this far I need to tell you something. I don't yet have a driving licence. I'm in the process of doing lessons and have my test booked for the 20th June. Which is the day before we leave for glasto, right. So even if I pass my test first time (I might not, pass-rates are about 50% here), the only chance I will have to practice driving on motorways etc will be on the 4.5 hour drive to glasto, and then possibly on the way back.

Partner can and does drive, right, but probably can't come to Big Family Holiday because he'll either still be in work that week OR will be sorting the moving house stuff out in my absence.

So if I pass my driving test, I might have to do a 5.5hour solo drive cross country completely alone on big fucking motorways less than two weeks after passing my test. Not fucking ideal.

Alternatively, I could take the train. which costs (with a railcard) nearly £120 for a return and takes approximately EIGHT HOURS each way.

Other options would be to travel even earlier (still also via train, as it's also a 5 hour drive to where they live) to my parents and accompany them on the 4.5 hour drive from where they live to Holiday Destination, because my family decided to choose a place to go on holiday that is pretty much an equal distance from both of our locations but NOT IN A HELPFUL WAY. We'll still all have to travel the same fucking amount to the far corner of the damn cross country triangle between us.

Third option is to beg my friend who lives near glastonbury to let me stay with her or in her parent's house for the inbetween five days and then travel the 2 hours to Holiday Destination from there, but this isn't ideal because 1) I'd need to pack clothes for three weeks, 2) we only have one vehicle so how would partner get home, and 3) due to moving house I do actually need to be back at home in that inbetween time.

Anyway. I'm pissed off. Because I'm an adult with a job and none of the planning for this family holiday other than *avoid this one specific week* was done with any kind of consideration toward me. It feels like I'm still being treated as a child that can just Drop Everything and Attend an event I'm not even particularly thrilled to be going on (for eight entire fucking days) and if I don't or can't go I'm in the wrong.

/scream

#my life and stuff #personal shit #rantttt

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quoteoftheweekblog · 3 months

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…

1/7/24 - URSULA LE GUIN (AND ‘THE DISPOSSESSED’ AND ‘CARRIE’ AND ‘POIROT’S EARLY CASES’)

‘ “I’m going to make a speech.” ‘ (Le Guin, 2015, p.250).

REFERENCE

Le Guin, U. (2015 [1974] ) 'The dispossessed'. Amazon.com [E-book]. Available at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dispossessed-S-F-MASTERWORKS-Ursula-Guin-ebook/dp/B0151Q54OE/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= (Accessed 29 June 2024).

*****

HE DID

VOTE LABOUR

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LUKE MURPHY FOR BASINGSTOKE

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GENERAL ELECTION 2024

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL WEEK 6

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LOOKING GOOD

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SEE ALSO

' " The one thing everybody knows about the Odonians ... is that you don't drink alcohol. Is it true ... ?" ' (Le Guin, 2015, p.79).

…

LUKE MURPHY IN OUR LOCAL ON X

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ONE DAY AT A TIME 2

XXXX

THE GENERAL ELECTION HAS KNOCKED GLASTONBURY OF THE TOP SPOT THIS WEEK BUT DUA LIPA

…

WORKS

FOR URSULA

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home On no, no, no (Meredith, Meecham, Taupin, Littlemore, N., Littlemore, S., Mayes, John, 2021).

youtube

…

FOR LUKE

I’ve always supported Labour, so that’s where I’ll always stand … (Lipa in Harman, 2024).

VOTE LABOUR

… ‘There is only one choice.’ (John in PA Media, 2024).

VOTE LABOUR

REFERENCES

Harman, L. (2024) ‘Glastonbury headliner proud to support Gaza and is willing to “take the backlash” ‘, ‘Metro’ 18 June [Online]. Available at: https://metro.co.uk/2024/06/18/glastonbury-headliner-proud-support-gaza-willing-take-backlash-21057292/ (Accessed 30 June 2024).

Meredith, D.J., Meecham, J.A., Taupin, B.J.P., Littlemore, N.G., Littlmore, S.D., Mayes, P.B. and John, E. (2021) in AZLrics ‘Cold Heart(PNAU Remix)’. Available at: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/eltonjohn/coldheartpnauremix.html (Accessed 30 June 2024).

PA Media (2024) ‘Elton John among stars pledging support for Labour in general election’, Guardian 29 June [Online]. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/music/article/2024/jun/29/sir-elton-john-among-stars-pledging-support-for-labour-in-general-election (Accessed 30 June 2024).

*****

GLASTO

*****

CONGRATULATIONS 2024

…

2024 IS THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE PUBLICATION OF

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NEWS COMMENT

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NEWS COMMENT

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WIKIPEDIA

*****

CONGRATULATIONS

*****

FOR BOOK GROUP JUNE 2024

20 (90) GLORIOUS YEARS

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' ... books were explosives.’ (Le Guin, 2015, p.105).

LAST MONTH I ALSO READ

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THE ROAD TO WIGAN PIER

EXPLOSIVE

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LAST MONTH OUR MEMBERS ALSO READ OR ARE STILL READING …

TOP MEMBER

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MOON DOG

… a good read.

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THE COAST ROAD

… reasonably entertaining.

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THE FORGOTTEN SUMMER

… very enjoyable.

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THE DEVIL’S NOVICE

… re-reading …

…

HEADS YOU WIN

… once I got into it, I am really enjoying.

📚📚📚📚📚

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THE ANARCHY - THE RELENTLESS RISE OF THE EAST INDIA COMPANY

I’m half way through now and at the beginning of the unravelling of India.

📚📚📚📚📚

…

THE GREAT ZOO OF CHINA

It was very gory and fast paced but quite clever with a lot of pseudo science descriptions.

📚📚📚📚📚

…

A TIME OF LOVE AND TARTAN

It's in the 44 Scotland Street series, so some of the characters are familiar eg Bertie and his awful mother. It seemed appropriate as we had not long returned from Scotland and I knew it would be light-hearted.

MEANWHILE THE OTHER HALF

…

NORMANDY ‘44 - D-DAY AND THE BATTLE FOR FRANCE

… finished the D-Day '44 book with a sigh of relief and passed it on to a friend.

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A TIME OF LOVE AND TARTAN

… now reading …

📚📚📚📚📚

AND OUR READER LEADER

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SWING TIME

… finished … enjoyed very much.

…

DEMON COPPERHEAD

… half way through …

…

THE MEANING IN THE MIRACLES

… also reading …

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…

BOOK GROUP

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URSULA LE GUIN

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK 2011 - 2024

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12 EPIC YEARS

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FROM THE ARCHIVE

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25/1/21

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jesuisgourde · 2 years

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there’s that one segment of an interview in molotov cocktails zine which was published in december 94 but as far as i can tell the interview occurred during glasto at the end of june 94 and like richey is a) clearly in a bad mood/bad place and b) obviously mentally a disaster and literally less than a month away from a breakdown, but taking a step back and looking at what he’s saying is actually really interesting.

the interviewer keeps asking him about like individual political movements or activist things and stuff like that and he keeps throwing it back and it’s really fascinating because it’s not that he doesn’t agree with it outright

but he keeps talking big-picture when the interviewer is more zoomed in on more manageable aspects. it’s obvious richey’s not interested in looking at one thing at a time, he’s so goddamn zoomed out he’s looking at the big picture from space and it’s too big. like, he keeps talking in greys and nuances, saying he hates it when people make easy solutions, and saying x or y charitable cause or movement is pretty much useless because it only addresses a fraction of a problem. he talks about how individual choices in terms of activism mean nothing because the little people don’t have as much influence as the rich and powerful and/or they’re so affected by poverty they can’t participate in certain things (like buying organic veg). it’s like he’s so zoomed out that the only way he can imagine solving the world’s problems is by finding some sort of universal solution that fixes everything at once (or at least many things at once), but that’s impossible, but he can’t seem to zoom back in and see how smaller actions build upon each other. he can only see the way that when looking at the big picture which is more grey and nuanced, the smaller actions seem to be acting in black and white. which is not true but would look that way if you were too zoomed out.

nicky’s comment about the pulitzer prize is so applicable here. like this wt book keeps talking about how richey did all this stuff because he wanted to secure himself in rock n roll mythology but reading this interview it seems far less about the music industry and more like richey wanting to take on history and current events and his own knowledge and Solve Them all by himself not for the rock n roll myth (as in, music myth) but to make an impression on the world and a statement in general about being “above nature.” especially because he seems to imply that only science can make a worldwide impact while the person is still living, and lumps other bands like take that in with the immediate but shallow impact of culture (sex and violence) and seems to lump himself or the manics in with delayed impact of art (death). the “above nature” comment is also interesting in context with his simon price interview from november 1994 where he talks about self-harm as control of mind over body and his suicide attempt as the failure of his body to be as strong as his mind (although in part i think that was him being deliberately vague because he didn’t want people to know what happened).

really looking at the lyrics for jfpl and the little journal/manifesto tidbits in the deluxe edition plus the few other scraps that have been made available over the years and the way everything is so compounded in all those words like he’s trying to condense so much stuff onto one page and in so few words, it really seems like he mentally bit off more than he could chew. not about trying to be a rock myth or whatever more like trying to somehow conquer modernity.

#wt writeup #sort of more like an observation while doing research but it's not really about the book #richey was in a fucking state #it's like the exact opposite of ego death like a total attachment of the self to the state of the world #that's the thing this book says richey's story reflects the hero's journey and blah blah #but i don't think he reached ego death in a campbellian sense #as in i think so much of his self worth and everything as an artist was so wrapped up in his Self and his ego #that when he started to doubt everything around him there was no way he could handle the doubt of self #and come out the other side in a positive sense #reading what he has to say is like watching him slowly doubt everything to death #but then there's nothing left to support him when he turns it on himself #and his relation to everything else was so tangled up with his Self & the importance he lent to his mind #so turning doubt back onto himself by the end just unraveled it completely since he'd already gotten rid of anything to grasp onto #like in old looney tunes where the character climbs all the way up a tree and keeps climbing the air #even after he's surpassed the tree #and then when he finally realises there's no tree under him he falls and splats on the ground #oops didn't mean to write a second essay in the tags

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aliceaddellheidde · 4 years

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His Celtic girl

A/N: This one is for @youbloodymadgenius 1K celebration. It´s first time I´m doing something like that. I lost my grandfather and bunny while writing so I´m sorry if it sucks.

Prompts in bold.

WORDS: 4869

WARNINGS: 18+, angst, smut & violence (graphic), blood, swearing, death

PAIRING: Ivar x OC (Moko)

DISCLAIMERS: I tried to be historically accurate as much as possible. I don’t hate Christians. English isn´t my first language.

Moodboard by me; pics from internet.

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Moko from Mokosh – Slavic goddess of fertility & water.

Ivar awakes from his long sleep. His head is hurting like Thor hit him with his hammer. He remembers fighting. Saxon's soldier with dagger. Hvitserk in tears. Grey sky. And then dark.

When he opens his eyes he sees wooden ceiling and small window on his left. „You are finally up.” says voice from his right with foreign accent and when he turns his head that way he sees young woman sitting on a chair by fire, mixing something in kettle. He tries to sit but agonizing pain stops him. „If I was you I wouldn't move. I bet your body still hurts.” It does but he will not tell it to that girl. With clenched teeth he pushes himself up, leaning against wall. „Who … ?” he tries to say - his throat dry, voice raspy. „Who are you?” he asks after few moments. „Moko.” She smiles a little, handing him cup. He watches it suspiciously before he takes it and drinks small gulps. „You have weird name.” he snorts. „Says nameless man whose I found on battle field almost dead. With no one around. Forgotten.” „I'm the king of the world! You stupid bitch knows nothing!” he screams, throwing cup her way, his calmness turning into anger in mere seconds. „Don’t look like king to me.” she shrugs and turns to kettle again. He´s fuming, looking for something to throw at her. All he finds is fur over his legs. Fuck. Did she see them? „Why am I here anyway? You said I was dead. How I could be when I'm here, hm?” he asks with scorn. She said nothing. „Answer me! Where am I? Where is my brother!” He punches wooden bed under him. „I don’t know. My dog found you and I took you to my home. Now I think it was a mistake.” She was standing with hands on her hips. „I don’t need your help! I can take care of myself!” „Go then! I don’t give damn if you do!” she screams, stepping closer to him. He sees red. „At least I will not have to take care of crippled idiot!” He throws himself onto her but she just swiftly moves away from him, hand on sword. He almost screams from pain as his body hit the floor. Yet he stops himself, spitting blood her way. Then he finally looks at her properly.

She is short, long dark hair falling to her waist, dressed in light yellow dress with golden armoured corset, belt around hips with few small pouches and sword scabbard. Her widen eyes watching him like falcon. He moves again and she unsheathes her weapon. ,,You are not gonna kill me.” he smirks. ,,No, but I can still hurt you.” They are watching each other for few more minutes before she puts sword away, takes cloth from table and cautiously sits next to him on the floor. He flinches when her hand moves to his face to wipe blood away. „Look, I took you here to take care of you. Once you are healed, you can leave. But until then it's better for you to stay with me.” She smiles when he lowers his head to avoid her gaze. ,,Ivar.” he whispers. ,,I'm sorry?” „My name is Ivar.” ,,You have weird name.” He only chuckled. ,,How about you take bath and I finish food? Then we can talk.” He looks at his useless legs and back at her. ,,Oh, I will give you some privacy.” She turns away with flushed face but he stops her. ,,Wait. I ... I need your help.” He already hates idea of her touching him or seeing him naked but he has no other choice. ,,So now you need my help?” she teases. ,,Shut up.”

She goes for water while he is looking around her home. There is big fire pit in the middle of room, on right side of room is wooden table with different knives, daggers, food, plates, bowls and cups. Next to it is longer lower table with wooden benches and flowers on it. On left side is his bed and then hutch with different herbs, flowers, books and bottles. Ivar never saw material like that.

„It´s glastos. Or how they call it here in Anglia – glass.” says Moko when she comes back with two buckets of water. „We are still in Wessex?” „Sussex. But I always wanted to travel around the world. Meet new people and try new things.” „So are you Christian then?” „Oh Gods, no!” she laughs. „You are not Viking either. Then what are you?” He watches her as she is moving around house. She takes few herbs and puts them into tub and then fills it with boiling water. „I'm from old Celtic tribe called Anartes. We lived in Europe. But one day my family decided that we should move and so we did. I lived here with my parents and brother. But they are all dead. And now it´s my purpose to keep our legacy alive. And what about you Ivar?” „I'm Viking.” „Rus´ Viking?” „No. I´m from Norway. How do you know about the Rus?” „My people had deals with them. We exchanged animals, food and other stuff.” „Have you ever been in Kiev or Novgorod?” „No. But my father was there once.” „They are Christians now.” „Poor people. How do you know them?” „I had to r… . I travelled there with my friend. But then my brother came for me to fight king Alfred. We had some unfinished business.” „You were talking about you brothers in your dreams. Asking one of them for forgiveness. His name is Hvitserk. Am I right?” Ivar is quiet. „I don’t know what happened to him. Maybe they imprisoned him or he died.” „My brother is not dead!” he screams and she jumps a bit. „You don’t know that.” „I have to save him. Like he saved me.” „You are so stubborn! When I found you I thought you were dead but you were breathing still. I took care of you for three bloody days and you are still wounded. Yet you want to go to Winchester and be hero for your brother?” she wasn't screaming but she was angry. „That´s exactly what I want to do.” he half-smiled. „And how? You don’t have an army. You will never break through their defence.” His upper lip twitches in indignation because she is right. „I can´t leave him there. What would you do if it was your brother?” „Saved him.” „See?” „But not if I was hurt and with no warriors.” „Then we will find some.” „Ivar, these people are Christians and they love Alfred because he won over The great heathen army. They will never defraud him.” „We will see about it.” „In few days I´m going to Chichester. I can ask if someone knows what happened to survived Vikings.” „I'll go with you.” She sighted and checked water temperature. „I have few conditions if you want to go with me.” Ivar rolls his eyes. „What do you want from me?” „You will sit on your arse and will not try to investigate on your own or try to kill anybody. Deal?” „Deal.” „Great. Now come and have a bath.”

„Earlier you said I´m crippled idiot. How did you know?” Ivar asks while he takes his tunic off. „Well, I had to take your braces off of your legs and I saw them.” He frowns at her. „Help me with trousers. But keep your eyes on my face.” he growls. „Is there a problem I saw them?” she asks as her small hands untie strand from around his hips. „They are hideous.” „I don’t really care about it.” Her brown-green eyes bore into his blue ones. „What do you care about then?” „If I and my animals will be healthy and if we will have enough food, water and home. And overall if I will have long, happy life.” „That´s so deep.” Ivar rolls his eyes. „Stop mocking me. I like simple life.” She helps him into tub, avoiding looking at him, gives him cloth and walk back to kettle. „Have you ever been with a man?” he asks suddenly. „Why?” „You are shy. Can´t even look at me when I´m naked. So I assumes you are still virgin.” he has wicked smile on his face. „That´s not something you need to know.” „Hm, maybe.” he smirks. „I also want to know what is all that.” He points on herbal hutch. „That´s my work. I´m making potions, herbal remedies and different things from it for other people.” „Clever girl.” „Yes, I´m.” She straightens her back and he laughs at her. „What did you put in bath?” „Lavender. You can make oil from it and eat it.” Ivar thoughtfully takes herb from water and bits a small bite. And second later she smacks his head. „Not from that dirty water! That´s disgusting.” „I don’t like the taste anyway.” he frowns. „You didn’t try my lavender cake.” „I need proper food. Meat. Not some stupid cakes.” „It´s almost ready. Better wash your hair and come eat.” When he goes out of the tub she hands him clean towel and clothes, averting looking at him again. „Virgin.” he murmurs for himself.

Over lunch – deer with plum sauce – they get to know each other. He tells her about his life, family and wars, hiding some details he´s ashamed of, and is pleasantly surprised how excited she is. „My parents taught me and my brother how to fight. My mother was warrior alongside my father.” „I usually had few my the most trustworthy warriors for my protection. I can´t really move on legs but in hand-to-hand combat I´m perfect.” „Maybe we can learn from one another.” „Maybe.”

After food Ivar meets all her animals and she shows him her gardens. Few metres from them is river with small boat. „It´s yours?” „Yes.” „It looks funny. I was on massive ones. My friend Floki built them. This one here is just joke.” „Ivar I swear that if you make any more stupid comments about my things I´ll leave you outside!” „Oh come on darling. You wouldn't do that. Not after your hard work.” He twirls slowly around his stick and bows. „You even put lavender oil into my hair.” He tosses his braids over shoulder. She laughs so much that she misses how he´s looking at her with goofy smile.

*few days later*

Ivar feels movement next to him and sits with dagger in hand. „It´s just me, you idiot.” says Moko, ruffling his hair on way down. „It´s still dark! Can´t we sleep a bit longer?” he shouts after her. „No. Today we´re going to Chichester so you better come for breakfast.”

In those couple of days he lived with Moko he learnt a lot about her, her people and culture. She was teaching him how to speak in her language, she showed him all her herbs and flowers and her knowledge in fighting, manufacture and farming. He wasn´t really fond of all of those things but he liked how excited she was when she was speaking about them or doing them. And if he tries those things too, oh gods, she even hugs him. It felt good.

Ivar is seating in covered carriage, petting her dog and listening to her singing. They travels for hours now with only one break and Ivar needs to sleep but he can´t. He somehow wants to protect her even when he doesn’t know why and how. „We will settle down here. Tomorrow morning we are in Chichester.” Her voice interrupts him from his thoughts. He looks out from carriage into darkening countryside. „Don´t just stare. Bring the chicken and make fire. If your puny regal ass can do that.” she smirks and starts to build a tent. Ivar is used to it by now, nonetheless he is surprised with how much ease she´s talking to him. He did what he could but that damn fire not and not to burst to life. „I thought you Vikings are fearful people and you can´t even make fire. Want some help?” He blames his shaking hands on cold not her presence. She makes fire in mere moments and then put kettle on it. „We will have chicken stew with vegetable and mushrooms. Is it ok?” He nods and watches with dilated pupils when she knocks off the poor bird. „It´s the last time I can have chicken or rabbit before Ostara.” „Then what?” „Bath in spring water, sacrifice hare and chicken but leave eggs for altar. We will have flower crowns and we will sow few seeds.” „Oh no, no. Leave me out of this. I will not have flowers in my hair.” „It will be fun.” „I doubt it.” „Shush and cut this please.”

Ivar sees stone towers and soldiers guarding big gate into Chichester. They are watching them suspiciously until Moko asks them for direction to market. „Don´t forget your name.” she warns him when she´s helping him out of carriage. „Leofric. I know.” he rolls his eyes. „Try to be more nice. Smile.” He turns to her and smile. Then smirks when she blushes. „I will find us room to sleep and you can put things on table. And leave your hood on.” „Gods woman! I´m not a child.” She giggles and walks away.

„We have room for three nights … Leofric, let him go!” Moko rushes to him and tries to separate him from another young man. „He tried to steal!” says Ivar. „I just wanted to see it better.” protests the other man, still with Ivar´s hand around neck. Moko smacks it and he growls at her but let go. „Thank you milady.” The other man tries to kiss her hand but she turns it palm up. „Return that bottle you stole. You may hurt yourself with it.” She waits few seconds and when nothing happens she jumps at poor man, turns his arm behind his back and yanks bottle from his hand. Ivar watches her with awe on his face. „Get off, idiot.” she spat at pathetic man and they both laugh when he runs away.

„That´s not funny Moko.” says Saxon soldier, walking to them. „Osgar, welcome.” „I see you keep up with tradition.” he snickers. „Every year someone tries something. They knows I can protect myself and my stuff but still.” „And you brought some friend.” He looks at Ivar sitting on stool. „That´s Leofric. I´m taking care of him.” „What happened?” „Bear in forest.” Ivar snorts. „I can say God is with him when he found the best healer in whole Anglia.” „Stop it Osgar!” Moko blushes again. „Rather tell me what happened after battle. Last time you didn’t have time.” „There is not much to say. We captured survivors and turned them into Christians. They live in their settlements. Our king trusts them.” „And you don’t?” He smirks. „I kind of envy those whose ran away. You knows my parents were Vikings, right? I live for day I will leave this land and will live like them.” he says quieter and looks around if someone hears him. „Adventurous Osgar. Any news about their kings?” „As far as I know Harald and Ivar are dead. But one son of Ragnar lives with Alfred in Winchester. I don’t know his real name. But his given one is Athelstan.” „Thank you. And what about your family?” „Good. My little girl is fighting with everyone and my wife isn´t very happy about it. My son still has mark on his face. He´s on guard now and I should replace him. See you later.” Day goes well, some of Moko´s customers comes and after sunset they goes to tavern for good night sleep.

„There is only one bed!” Ivar exclaims when they enter the bedroom. „Afraid of sleeping with me?” „What? No!” He puts their belongings on table, trying to calm down his too loud beating heart. „I'm going to have a bath. You will be ok here?” He nods. She disappeared behind the curtain and he´s listening to her movements and noises she makes when she dives into warm water.

Moko feels water in the tub move. When she opens her eyes she sees Ivar sitting next to it. „What are you doing?” she squeaks. Ivar chuckles. „What does it look like? I have to wash as well. Or you want me dirty in bed?” She sinks more into water, only her head visible. He puts his hands into water again and his fingers brush her calf. She freezes and he smirks. „Your skin is so soft.” And she's blushing again. But both can play this game. „Will you wash my hair, please?” she asks innocently and his hand pauses in the middle of his face, eyes wide, shining. „Are you sure? I never done this.” Moko moves to him. „Please.” She turns her back to him and he clumsily takes her hair in one hand while the other is putting soap on it. Then he moves to her scalp. „That fells nice.” When he's done he smooths it on her back, his fingers lightly touching her skin. „Thank you. Give me a minute and you can go in as well.” She quickly rinses her head. „Close your eyes.” „Why?” „I have to go out and you can´t see me.” „I saw many naked women.” She glares at him over shoulder. „Fine.” But of course he cheated. He watches as she stands up and puts on linen tunic. After that she helps him in tub, she washes his hair and gives him his clothes.

„I said to the owner of this tavern that you are my husband.” says Moko nonchalantly when they are tuck in bed under warm duvet. „What!?” He sits up and frowns. „So we can have same room” ,,You are little minx.” he laughs and move closer to her. ,,What are you doing?” ,,Keeping us warm.” She turns her back to him, hiding her face into pillow. ,,Good night little minx.” he smiles into dark.

They wake up tangled at each other limbs. Moko tries to get up but Ivar´s arms around her are too strong. He nuzzles her hair and murmurs something. ,,Ivar, we have to go and sell otherwise we will have no money.” He groans when he opens his eyes. ,,I'll come later and brings you breakfast.” ,,You better be quick.” She kisses his cheek, throws her clothes on and she's gone. Ivar is still frozen on the bed processing what just happened.

,,I have bread, meat and wine.” ,,Oh, you are saviour! I'm starving.” He gives her plate with a cup on it. ,,Where is your food?” ,,I ate. Have only one hand free.” He waves with his right one and she grins at him. ,,Is it ok if you work until I finish?” ,,Sure.” He sells few pots and potions already when Osgar comes to them. ,,Hello you two.” ,,Good morning. Do you need something?” Moko asks. ,,Just to say you the news.” ,,What news?” ,,King Alfred will come here in five days to deal with Vikings in prison.” Moko sees Ivar stiffs. ,,Thank you. What do you think he will do to them?” ,,Probably gives them an option between conversion or death.” „And do you know if Viking´s prince will come too? I would like to see him.” He shrugs and goes back doing his work. „We need a plan how to get my brother and leave this stupid country.” „You don’t wanna kill Alfred?” „Of course I want! But as you said, I need an army. I avenged death of my father on his grandfather and now I´ll avenge my own death on him.” „And rule Wessex?” „Maybe?” „Good luck then.” „You will not stay with me?” „I want to explore the world.” „If you will help me with Alfred I´ll give more treasure than you will ever need for fulfil your dream.” She looks at him sceptically. „Really?” „Word of the prince.” „I will think about it.”

„That one next to king on left is my brother Hvitserk.” Ivar whispers into her ear when Alfred comes to Chichester. „You remember our plan?” „Yes.”

They have to wait until next day but when Hvitserk comes to Moko´s stall she's nervous. He's handsome as Ivar but with lighter hair. They talk about different herbs for his problems and then she takes small dagger from her sleeve. „Prince Hvitserk, your brother Ivar wants you to have this.” „My brother is dead. I saw him fall in battle.” „I can assure you he's alive.” „How can I trust you?” „Because she's telling you the truth my brother.” says Ivar from shadow behind her. Hvitserk flinches a bit and can´t believe his eyes. „You are a witch! This is some stupid trick. My brother is dead!” „You see he's not.” Hvitserk slowly walks to Ivar and then he suddenly hugs him with teary eyes. „You fucking idiot! How comes gods saved you?” „They sent Moko. She took care of me.” Hvitserk looks at her and she smiles at him. „Nice to meet you.”

*month later in Winchester*

Ivar is excited all morning as helps Moko with selling. He sees men Hvitserk told him they are their allies when they walks around courtyard. They planned everything carefully. It took some time to collect enough men for attack to Winchester royal villa.

Once the night falls they moves. Quietly under veil of darkness their backups shoots guards on walls and at the gate and they are inside dim corridor. Hvitserk comes out from his hiding spot in kitchen with few warriors and silently they go forward to king´s chambers. His legs hurt and he's cursing on himself because Moko told him to rest during day but he didn’t listen. He sees her in the front of the group with plaited hair, sword ready for fight, serious look on painted face. Beautiful, clever and dangerous. That's what she is. Hvitserk is next to her eating something he stole from kitchen.

Villa is suspiciously soundless and Ivar is suspicious. He feels it in his bones. It´s several minutes after they killed guards and until now they didn’t meet any more nor there was horn signal. For sure someone found bodies. But they have to do it. Even if it´s trap.

They reach their destination and Osgar goes first. The room is dark, only light from candles elucidate it. Ivar gives signal to his men and they encircle bed. Another signal and they are penetrating it with their swords. At same moment all other three doors of the room open and Alfred runs in with his soldiers, attacking mercilessly. Ivar watches as his warriors die one by one, outnumbered. „Fight! Fight!” he screams, killing Saxons on his way to Alfred. Then everything freezes as he watches Moko moving between soldiers like air, sword and axe wet from their blood. One of Alfred´s bodyguards cuts her cheek and she stabs him in the neck, decapitating another one with other hand. Now she's face to face with king. What nobody awaits is Elsewith with sword assaulting Moko. English woman cuts her deep into hip when axe, thrown by Ivar, cuts through her back right after. His raging scream encourages his men. He assaults Alfred with blazing fury, maniac urge in the eyes. He effectively disarms young king, cuts his neck, fresh blood splashes him. Ivar throws himself onto Alfred stabbing him with all his power, shouting in old Norse, breathing heavy air with smell of sweat, dead bodies and taste of iron. Surviving Saxons watch in disbelieve and fear before they meet same fate from his fellow Vikings.

Things happens so quickly after that. One moment he is in king´s chamber, then he´s fighting his way from villa and in carriage fleeing into safety. He can feel adrenaline flows through his veins. Hvitserk sits opposite him, covered in blood too. They smile at each other. Moko´s next to him, patching her wound. „We did it.” he says victoriously and suddenly kisses her. She doesn’t protest and he's happy.

Following three months they are travelling and stealing all over Anglia. After that they build boats for way home. Night before their departure Ivar and Hvitserk are sitting by fire, enjoying peaceful quiet. „Will you go back to Norway or you´ll stay with Moko?” asks Hvitserk. „I don’t know what are you talking about brother. Of course I´m going with you!” „Are you sure Ivar? I see how you are looking at her.” Ivar glares at his laughing brother. „She doesn’t want to stay with me. She wants to travel.” „Then I´m gonna tell her i´ll accompanish her.” He turns to leave when a cup hits his head. „Don´t you dare!” Ivar screams. „Why not? She's free woman. Maybe I´ll ask her to marry me.” Hvitserk walks slowly backward with smirk, watching Ivar crawling on the ground as fast as he can to Moko´s tent.

She walks out of it at same time as they show up. „Hello boys. Can I help you?” „Ivar wants to speak with you.” Hvitserk blurts out and Ivar hits him in the ankle. „Sure. I just need to get some food.” „I will get it. You two have fun.” „Come in then.” Moko smiles at Ivar.

„What you wanna talk about?” she asks, sitting next to him on bed. „Are you really sure you want to leave Anglia? And travel by yourself?” he asks straight away. „We spoke about it. I have small crew, you know.” „I know. It´s just … I don’t trust them that much. I would like to have you next to me more.” „As your friend, bodyguard or …?” „My right hand.” He looks at her. „And as my queen too, maybe?” She´s quietly staring at him and in next moment her lips are on his, her soft body collides with his hard one as they fall on bed.

His hands are on her hips, pushing her more and more against his prick. She takes off his tunic, her fingers grazing his tattoos. „You like them?” She nods and kisses him again. „Have you ever done this?” „No.” „Let me make you feel good then.” He is nervous like never before but also determined to do it right, to show her he really cares about her. His fingers are trembling when he unties her dress and takes it off. She tries to hide from his curious eyes but he catches her hands, kissing them and putting them next to her. „You are beautiful.” He kisses her whole shivering body until he reaches her warm core. When he looks back at her she's watching him already with flushed cheeks. They hold their gaze when his tongue touches her and she lifts a bit from bed. He's not stopping her, only diving his head deeper. She's making those small noises he knew were good sign. „Ivar.” she moans his name. „I want more.” He hovers over her, kissing her. „If it hurts too much, you have to stop me, ok? I might not be able to control myself.” „Ok.” „Do you trust me?” „Yes.” He pushes slowly in her tight hole and kisses her tears away. „I'm sorry my Queen.” Her nails scratches his back, leaving bloody marks when he bottoms up. He waits few moments, then moves slowly, searching for any clues of her discomfort. None appears. She even smiles at him slightly. „Feels good?” „Yeah, it´s nice.” „Should I move faster, or is this fine?” „I have no idea!” she laughs. „You are the one with experiences.” „Yeah, right.” He nuzzle into her neck, his hips hitting hers as he quickens and she surprisingly pushes against him.

They are lost in their own pleasurable world, they didn’t even notice Hvitserk when he comes with food. He smirks proudly and walks away.

***

„I never thought I will love someone again but it happened.” Ivar smiles in Moko´s hair as they lies under warm furs, her head on his chest. „You love me?” „Yes. You have bewitched me, body and soul. My Celtic girl.” „I love you too Ivar.”

*next day*

A storm comes from nowhere and Moko´s watching as ship with Vikings is burning from lightning strike. „Can´t we help them somehow?” „I'm sorry my love. They are probably all dead by now.” But much to his own surprise he can see some men jumping into the sea. „If I´ll die saving those idiots, I´m going to annoy you in Valhalla forever.” „And I will enjoy every second of it, my king. Now go and be a hero.” He kisses her briefly and then shuts orders. At the end they saves ten men but loose control over own boat.

***

„Land! Land!” Ivar hears shouting and stands up to see if it´s really true. „Not really how I imagined my travels but it´s still new land to explore.” Moko says next to him, hugging him. „Our new start my Queen.”

She turns in his embrace as they are looking towards their new adventures.

#Youbloodymadgenius1kCelebration #ivar #ivar the boneless #vikings #history vikings #hvitserk #imagine vikings #imagine ivar #vikings fanfic #ivar ragnarsson #his #celtic #girl

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dex-xe · 4 years

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37, 41 and 70 :)))

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

I read tons cause I’m a student and the reading list never stops XD But my favourite book is im not entirely sure,, idk where that sentence was going I just hoped I’d come up with an answer before reaching the end XD really basic but I’d probably say Orwell’s 1984,, just because its probably the only book I could ever pick up and ALWAYS be able to read it the whole way through.

41. top 10 favorite songs

Bro this question is impossible!! I love too many songs but here I’ll try and list 10: El Manana - Gorillaz, Bros - Wolf Alice, Anything from Head on the Door - The Cure, Melody X - Bonaparte, Old Money - Lana Del Rey, Lipgloss - Pulp, To Be Human - MARINA, Just - Radiohead, Let’s Fall In Love - Mother Mother, William It Was Really Nothing - The Sm*ths (this blog remains a M*rrisey-free zone for obvious reasons but I do still really love The Sm*ths unfortunately)

70. what was the last concert you saw?

Oh god its been so long since I’ve been to a concert obviously but boy I cannot wait to start going again. All the concerts I was meant to go to last year got cancelled :( No Billie Eilish, MCR, No Leeds or Glasto. I think the last thing I went to was at the beginning of 2020 and it was a little local gig with a ton of local bands and oh god I miss it DX

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londoncityroleplay · 4 years

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First Name: Naomi

Last Name: Clark

Gender/Pro-nouns: Female, she/her

Date of Birth: Nov. 15, 1993

Place of Birth: Hammersmith, London, England

Current Residence: Primrose Hill

Length of Residence: since June 2013

Occupation: Manager/bookseller at Gaunt Books

Faceclaim: Lily Collins

BIOGRAPHY

trigger warnings: none

A rebel without a cause, her father would call her, or in his precise words, ‘a rebel with bugger-all to rebel against’. It wasn’t often that Ross Clark, onetime member of the wildly popular 80’s punk rock band The Guillotines, would reprimand his only daughter, but sometimes the moment called for it. Indeed the girl had as free and unrestricted a childhood one could have, rubbing shoulders with England’s musicians, artists, and bohemian elite since she could walk. But both mother and father were busy wrapped up in their own projects, her dad managing an up-and-coming band, and her mother, once an actress, now a supremely busy and constantly worn out theatre director. Family outings were few and far in between, and Naomi was often left to her own devices. She was described as something of a terror in her all-girls boarding school, getting into fights, scrapes, all manner of mischief and constantly in the headmistress’s office. Questioning authority came easy to her, especially when she had such prime examples to take after. She felt an air of superiority over the other girls, and why wouldn’t she: her dad would come to pick her up in his gleaming red Jag convertible a fortnight early to take her to Glasto. Though her bored antics amused her, Naomi’s parents weren’t too pleased with them, especially when one particular stunt involving horses from the school stables had the headmaster calling them in a very stern voice. But fame was easily escapable for Naomi, especially when one’s primary residence is a sprawling cottage in Surrey. She had her own string of rocker boyfriends and was in the press for a while, but the novelty of sliding in and out of clubs half drunk with the paparazzi under her skirt got tiring after a while, too. Bored of that life and wanting nothing to do with it, she pulled a disappearing act in all her social media, and the world quickly forgot her name, too. Much better that way. She tried uni but it wasn’t for her, a degree in music journalism quickly abandoned when she realised her passions didn’t lie in that direction. It was back to the family home, but things got quickly dreary there, her dad living with his new wife in New York and her mother still never at home. She packed her belongings and made a permanent move to London, hoping to find something there that she couldn’t elsewhere. Now, six years on, she works at Gaunt Books, managing things behind the scenes and also acting as front of the shop (it’s a small five-employee affair that she is in charge of). It pays the bills at the Primrose Hill apartment her father left for her, and that’s about all she wants out of life currently.

Penned by Violet, find them here.

#naomi clark #lily collins #primrose hill #all #taken female

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zot3-flopped · 2 years

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Hilarious. Larries really psyched themselves up for nothing. Minutes into Billie’s set there was a convenient “spotting” of Louis in the crowd lol right on time huh? Only for a video of Louis watching Little Sims at a totally different set to also come out. Harry would never show up just to be a guest, it’s not his thing. And this is no slight to Billie, but she’s not important enough for him to do that. If it was Sir Paul tonight, I could maybe see it! Harry, Olivia and the rest of his team probably left Ireland late afternoon today and he just wanted to go home and rest so he can travel to Germany on Saturday

Larries always lose! Forget all about Harry appearing as a special guest at someone else's Glasto set. He'll only set foot in that festival as a headliner on the Pyramid Stage. I think he's already been booked for Saturday June 24th, 2023.

#harry styles glastonbury

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daishannigans · 7 years

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What are all the moments we get with Eggsy and Tilde from the novelization?

I’m so glad you asked!

Eggsy thinks her accent is “adorable”

Tilde and Michelle get on so well -- like sickeningly well -- and Eggsy is so happy the “...two most important women in his life love each other...” (scratch that, he thinks -- it’s three, including ole Daisy) (I still can’t believe we, as a collective, managed to make Daisy a canon name?)

When they’re heading over to Brandon’s party, he sees her in the hoodie and pants and he just thinks that even when she’s dressed down, she still looks like royalty. (’He supposed she always would.’)

Tilde makes a comment about how beautiful the architecture is at his old estate and he’s a little taken aback because he ‘...doesn’t detect a hint of sarcasm in her voice...’ She’s so genuine! And wants to see the beauty in everything!

Their cover-story for how they met goes as follows: Tilde came into the Kingsman shop one day to find a new tailor for her father and Eggsy was the “...lucky bastard who got to help her...” Sparks flew, and they’ve been together ever since. What. A. Dream.

Eggsy constantly worries (in his head) that he’s not good enough to be with her, especially long-term. He’s like, how can a guy who grew up on a London council estate ever be good enough for a princess?

Eggsy is so stressed the morning of meeting her parents. They’re waiting outside by a cab and Brandon rolls up late and Eggsy’s snapping at him a little bit from the stress and Tilde shoots him looks like, “We’re so thankful you could dog-sit JB, Brandon. Aren’t we, Eggsy?” And Eggsy just murmurs, “Yeah, thanks,” before handing over the keys to his flat.

Eggsy actually didn’t pick the orange dinner jacket! Tilde did! He does love the jacket but he’s self-conscious in it because he doesn’t know if it’s appropriate or not but she tells him how handsome he looks in it and he immediately -- immediately -- starts feeling better about it.

Eggsy’s in such awe when he enters the palace for the first time. He murmurs, “Fuck me,” and she leans in and whispers, “I will. Later. Maybe in the throne room.” And they both giggle. (She’s a freak! Love her!)

When the attacks begin to happen, Eggsy darts out of the dining room, desperately trying to get someone on the comms. She follows, trying to catch up with him as he stumbles through the halls. Then, he turns around, stumbling over his words and not being too coherent -- “Stay here, I have to go. It’s safe here.” She wraps her arms around him, and at first he tries to move away -- he has to go -- but then he melts into it, accepting this one comfort. Softly, she tells him to do what he has to.

(Later, we find out that she told her parents the reason he freaked out was because some of his friends were caught in the “London Bombings” -- and assures him later that, despite that, her parents loved him.)

Remember when Eggsy tells Whiskey he got his Glasto tickets from his contact? His contact is literally Tilde. He told Whiskey to stay out in the car while he got the tickets -- he literally made Jack wait outside while he had a rigorous Welcome Home shag with Tilde. #Goals.

They’re having a “...post-coital cuddle...” and Tilde is tracing patterns into his chest and Eggsy tells her, in Swedish, that he loves her and Tilde smiles and kisses him and sighs, “God, I’ve missed you so much.”

She asks him if, after he’s done with everything, he wants to go house-hunting with her. And he thinks about how much it’ll hurt now Harry’s flat is gone, but decides it’ll be really good for them to have their own place.

Tilde, mischievously: “Do you want your present now?” / Eggsy: “I thought getting to see you was my present. There ain’t nothing I want more.” She then hops out of bed and gets the puppy from the bathroom.

Eggsy leaves the hotel, returning to Whiskey. Immediately, Whiskey says, “Do you always sleep with your contacts?” Nodding down to Eggsy’s shirt, “Your shirt was tucked in when you went in.”

Before they leave, they hear tapping from above. Looking up, there’s Tilde, in a bathrobe and the puppy in her arms. She smiles, broadly, and waves down at the boys. She’s so fucking cute - GOD.

(Bless her, she accidentally got them the wrong Glasto tickets.)

When Eggsy rings her up, he’s dreading it. He doesn’t want to tell her about the Clara stuff. He’d rather ask her how her day’s been, if she’s eaten. If she has, what did she have? Was it any good, babe?

Tilde, upon hearing Eggsy has to sleep with someone, immediately thinks it’s Whiskey. “Who?” She asks, “The old guy with you?”

Tilde: “Is she pretty?” / Eggsy: “Nowhere near as pretty as you.”

She asks for a photo of this girl he has to sleep with, and he actually sends her a really pretty photo of her and of course she’s not gonna be happy about it, dude! Oh, my God.

The thing that gets me the most is that when Eggsy sees Clara undress, he thinks about how the old Eggsy -- the Eggsy before he met Tilde -- would’ve already been shucking off his clothes and pulling Clara onto the bed but he can’t now. He only ‘...finds her attractive in the abstract...’ ‘...Nothing stirred in him.’

I really love her POV chapter, during the part where she’s sprawled out in bed, miserable, smoking a fat-ass joint (same, sister). She’s not even that upset that he has to sleep with someone else. It’s the fact she thought he wanted to be with her, have a future with her.Their relationship felt so good, and worked for as long as it did, because they were able to overlook each other’s upbringings, the labels -- these things that they can’t help -- and love each other anyway; share a life, in spite of all those things that would otherwise drive people away. But they can’t. She’s a public princess and he’s a secret agent and it’ll compromise the both of them if they made a big, public lifetime commitment to one another, and she begins to wonder if he ever even meant it when he said he wanted to spend his life with her. Why say it if he knows they can’t be public? Why say it if it’s a danger with the job? Why even begin a relationship like theirs if it wasn’t going to work out?

On the plane coming back from Glasto. Eggsy is desperately texting Tilde, trying to get a response. She does, telling him to stop texting her. She needs time to think. Eggsy to Whiskey: “Is the wifi working in here?” / Whiskey, casually playing pool as Eggsy’s life falls apart: “Yup. It’s your relationship that ain’t working.” / Eggsy: “She’s never ignored my texts before.” / Whiskey: “You never told her you didn’t have a future before.” (Sorry, divergent. But this is a really, really good scene that was cut and is supposed to parallel the martini scene with Harry and Eggsy. Here, Whiskey basically tells Eggsy that he should forget about Tilde. He’s a spy! They get to travel the world, fuck and chuck. They shouldn’t worry themselves with attachments. Whiskey: “Your friend Harry probably would’ve told you the same,” and Eggsy supposes he’s right about that. But then, of course, later on in the movie, Harry tells him the opposite. Which is probably why Eggsy looks so taken aback when Harry tells him that no, love as much as you can. Love is what makes life worth living.)

Eggsy sits at the bar, miserable, and checks his voicemail, just to see if Tilde called him and he missed it. She hadn’t. That No New Messages voice makes him feel cold. He stares at the photo of them with JB, which is his wallpaper, and is just absolutely wrecked. (TW: Suicide idealisation.) With losing Tilde, and everyone else, he leaves the bar and wishes some drunk sod would run him over so all this could be over. He wonders what’s the point of going on if he, a spy, can’t protect everyone and everything he loves? What’s the point when it’s all taken away from you? Jesus Christ, this book gets fucking dark sometimes.

Moving forward. Eggsy gets a text from Tilde: HAPPY CLOUD HAT. FROG BUNS! GOT SOME NICE WATERED-DOWN DRINKS FROM AMAZON? ;) She immediately rings him. He picks up, “Tilde?” But she doesn’t know who he is. Tilde: “Who is this?” / Eggsy: “What? You called me?” She hangs up. He calls her again, this time on FaceTime, and sees her face covered in the rash, like the movie. He freaks out, she’s talking a load of hysterical rubbish. Then, she freezes. Her father steps into shot, snatching the phone from her hands. “She’s in the third stage. Maybe if you hadn’t had broken her heart--” and then throws the phone onto the bed. All Eggsy can see is her in the distance, limbs bent at an awkward angle, her eyes glazed over but looking terrified (You’re conscious the whole time you’re stuck. The moment stage-three happens, the mania wears off.) Their new puppy skitters around on the bed, just as terrified. And Eggsy can’t do a thing about it.

Later, her parents have a room full of doctors surrounding her, trying to figure out how to help her. But they’re useless. Tilde, conscious, sees the puppy, scared, and wants to comfort him. She thinks of Eggsy, and wishes she could kick everyone out of her apartment and have him there instead. She wants to take him in her arms, she wants to touch him, hold his face. She wants to hear his voice, wants to tell him how much she loves him, how much she misses him. She wants to fix things.

They give her a cure. Then, as if on cue, her phone rings. Her father grabs it, and Tilde can see from afar that it’s Eggsy calling. She runs -- sprints -- to the phone and snatches it out of his hand to take the call. For a woman who was just paralysed, they all think, she sure can move.

Oh, Eggsy thinks she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life when he sees her walking down the aisle. He thinks that, from now on, beauty is gonna be measured and compared to this, to her in that dress. His eyes brim with tears, his heart feels full. Daisy follows closely behind her and Tilde’s father, in this adorable little dress (she’s a bridesmaid!), with Tilde’s ring clutched in her little, toddler hand, and with “...a grin a mile-wide.” She’s so happy for her big brother!

The priest begins to do the ritual and Eggsy is so busy looking at her that he can’t hear a single thing the priest is saying. The both of them smile at each other, bursting with pride and happiness and love.

Daisy has Tilde’s ring, and Harry has Eggsy’s. Should I add that the dogs are at the wedding too? Harry names his Yorkie, Hamish, after Merlin. And Eggsy names his new pug after JB (JB2)

A little extra. The wedding hall is divided. One side is Tilde’s relatives, and the other is Eggsy’s. Tilde’s side is very reserved, very regal, whereas Eggsy’s are a lot more boisterous and energetic. Champ begins to heckle Tilde’s side as the pair kiss. Champ: “Hey! Lighten up, guys! This ain’t a goddamn funeral! Champagne’s on me!” Then: “Hit it, Elton!” And Elton breaks out into song: “Kiss the Bride”.(It doesn’t take long for the Bop to liven up Tilde’s side of the church)TBH... wedding of the year.

#kingsman 2 spoilers #tilwin #eggsy unwin #princess tilde #tilwinning #cool-and-creative #ask

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floraexplorer · 7 years

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Doune the Rabbit Hole: The Best Music Festival You’ve Never Heard Of

We’re going ‘Doune The Rabbit Hole’…

Up in the Scottish Highlands, close to the city of Stirling and down the road from the Lake of Mentieth, is a place called the Cardross Estate.

And every summer, it plays host to a music festival called Doune the Rabbit Hole.

My music festival history (so far)

I’ve been to a fair few music festivals in my time. The first was Exit festival in Novi Sad, Serbia, held inside a medieval fort; then I headed out to the infamous fields of Glastonbury in 2011, followed by the fancy Wilderness festival a few years ago (and again last weekend for the second time!).

I even visited my first Scottish music festival recently, which fulfilled all my expectations by featuring a wandering group of brass band players in full-on kilts.

But like most festival-lovers, I’ve never been involved with the inner workings of a festival.

Who actually runs them? How on earth do they manage to set one up and pull it off?

Arriving at the Cardross Estate

I first visited the site of Doune the Rabbit Hole one afternoon in May. The lord and lady who own the Cardross Estate invited us into their cosy kitchen, and over a bottle of red wine we chatted about festival preparations while a collection of dogs chased each other under the table.

Afterwards we walked through the fields outside the estate house and down to the riverbank amongst the sheep. So much space, and such stunning views.

I was hooked.

For each of my subsequent visits to the Cardross Estate since then, I’ve watched the place grow ever closer towards the third weekend in August – towards ‘The Festival’ – and I’ve unapologetically developed a case of festival fever.

I’ve wandered the stunning fields at Cardross, tracing in my mind’s eye where each stage and stall would eventually sit.

I’ve wandered down the tree-lined paths in the setting sun, and imagined groups of festival goers chilling out between performances.

I’ve spent evenings chatting with the folks who are building the festival up from scratch – and I’ve made immediate friendships with the estate’s resident dogs.

And the more festival-related people I meet, the more I feel sure of just how special Doune the Rabbit Hole really is.

The story of Doune

Doune the Rabbit Hole first started in 2010 as an intimate music-festival-slash-tea-party in the Scottish town of Doune (hence the puntastic name), and for the last seven years they’ve been celebrating the very best of Scotland’s independent arts scene with a number of unique factors…

A smaller capacity = more intimate performances

Doune the Rabbit Hole occupies a modest amount of land, and there’s a maximum capacity of a few thousand people – making it one of the UK’s smallest festivals. It’s worlds apart from the hundreds of thousands swarming the Glasto fields, and due to the small size it’s easy to recognise the same faces and start making friends.

The entire Doune experience becomes much more community-driven, much more quickly.

The homegrown ethos behind Doune is also really inspiring. It’s not a commercial festival at all: the focus is predominantly about fostering and promoting local Scottish talent and celebrating what this country has to offer in terms of arts and music.

Plus the joy of such a small audience capacity means you’re treated to virtually private performances from a stellar line up.

Who could ask for more?!

Doune’s decor is like a wonderland

Alice in Wonderland, eat your heart out: Doune is one arty place to spend a weekend.

The festival’s Wonderland vibe runs through the entire site: from the Jabberwocky stage to the props and decorations (and even an occasional surprise tea party), there’s a beautiful sense that something magical is happening around every corner.

The thousand year old oak trees may have something to do with it, too.

Everyone’s welcome – from families to dogs

There’s a strong focus on being inclusive at Doune, and every member of the family is welcome.

Camping areas are segregated, so families with young children can sleep away from the late night festivalers; all the food vendors have a £1 children’s portion on offer; and all the kids activities are meticulously planned and scheduled, making the site like one large playground.

Doune is also infamously dog-friendly – not least because lots of the organisers and on-site workers own dogs and want their furry friends to enjoy the festivities too!

The food and drink are locally sourced

All the food and drink served at Doune the Rabbit Hole comes from local vendors and suppliers, like cider from Thistly Cross, locally brewed beers from Williams Brothers, and food ranging from crepes and woodfired pizzas to locally sourced game and meat.

Yet the festival itself is wonderfully international

The primary focus of most festivals is the music – and Doune has a blindingly good line-up on offer for 2017, with many of the artists coming from as far afield as Norway, the US, Canada and Mali.

There’s a host of Scottish acts, including Idlewild’s Roddy Woomble, Meursault, PAWS, Pronto Mama and The Vegan Leather.

Liars: the New York art punks open the festival’s headlining slot on Friday night.

Songhoy Blues: a punk band from Mali who played a storming set at this year’s Glastonbury and BBC 6Music Festival in Glasgow, are headlining Doune as their ONLY Scottish gig.

Start to End: this covers collective who tackle a wide range of genres are performing Daft Punk’s Discovery on Sunday night.

Steve Davis: the six time World Snooker Champion – moonlighting as a Snookerstar DJ – will be putting his considerable DJ skills to the test when headlining the Baino stage on Friday night.

Holy Fuck: a group of Canadian electro-punks who toured with MIA.

Jenny Hval: an avant-garde Norwegian who plays electronic & melancholic pop.

The other artistic offerings are equally exciting

From comedy and film to spoken word, there’s a huge amount on offer at Doune. Here’s just a few of the folks I’m most excited to see:

Neil Hilborn

A heartfelt and honest spoken word performer from the USA, whose piece ‘OCD’ went viral online recently. Have a watch here:

youtube

Petit Prance

Luke will write a story for you about anything you ask for. He writes stories for strangers in the street, in parks, on beaches and at festivals around the world using his typewriter: just give him a subject and he’ll type your own custom story for you right there on the spot!

Fail Better

This poetry, music film and spoken word event runs in Glasgow each month – and the Fail Better crew will be working their literary magic throughout the weekend at Doune.

CineMor77

CineMorr are a social enterprise bringing people together through cinema & film making, and they have a special cinema yurt to show their screenings.

The ‘NoMansLanding’ Dome

Initially devised to portray the experiences of soldiers during World War One, this incredible interactive artwork was first installed in the waters of Sydney Harbour in 2015.

It then journeyed around the world via a shipping container to end up in Scotland – and the crew at Doune will be re-purposing the acoustic abilities of the Dome for a musical experience like no other…

vimeo

NoMansLanding from Turpin + Crawford Studio on Vimeo.

And then there’s everything else!

If the above isn’t quite enough, Doune the Rabbit Hole has a ton of extras on offer.

In the words of Jamie Murray, the festival’s founder: “It’s not just a music festival! We’ve got a huge kids space with multiple activities, amazing caterers, Williams Bros. and Thistly Cross, workshops for adults and kids, and glamping in yurts. This year we’ll also be hosting axe-throwing tournaments and getting some wild swimming on the go – adjacent to our mobile sauna, of course!”

Of course, there are also the moments which nobody can predict. Occurrences I’ve merely heard mention of – like the late night campfires, the tribal drumming circles, the early riser who wanders the grounds playing the bagpipes, and stories of a legendary chai tea tent.

I’ll keep my eyes peeled for the naturally hollowed-out oak tree filled with fairy lights, and the secret leafy glen hidden beside the river which serves as the entrance to a music tent too.

You’ll leave as part of the Doune community

From the lord and lady who own the estate, to the festival crew who work tirelessly throughout the weekend to make sure everything runs smoothly, everyone is welcome at Doune the Rabbit Hole, and everyone belongs. It’s a community which may only be visible for one August weekend – but it’ll get under your skin.

As Jamie says, “It’s pretty rare to find an event that embraces a family-friendly culture. There is a real sense of community-spirit at Doune the Rabbit Hole, and I guarantee you make friends for life.”

So although I don’t know what will happen at this year’s Doune the Rabbit Hole, I’m going to be there to find out.

See you at the festival!

How do you buy tickets?

All the Doune festival tickets can be bought online through Eventbrite, BookItBee and SeeTickets.com. The booking fees change depending on which site you use, so make sure to check first!

Adult weekend tickets: £125 (plus online booking fee)

Adult Friday tickets: £50 (plus booking fee)

Adult Saturday tickets: £80 (plus online booking fee)

Adult Sunday tickets: £65 (plus online booking fee)

Children aged 5 and under: £4

Weekend car parking: £16

Day car parking (Fri/Sat/Sun): £10.50

Live-in Vehicle plot (party zone or quiet zone): £26

How to get to/from the festival?

There are multiple Doune Buses arriving at the site from Stirling train station, all of which are timed to meet popular trains from Glasgow, Edinburgh, and Perth. There are also direct buses from and to Glasgow.

Bus costs differ depending on timings, so check out the options here!

If you’re driving to the festival, the SatNav code is FK8 3JY.

How to follow on social media:

Doune the Rabbit Hole will be publicised live on various channels throughout the weekend, using the hashtags #DTRH17 and #DouneTheRabbitHole.

If all goes to plan, I’ll also be commandeering the festival’s Instagram account to film some IG Stories, so keep an eye out!

DTRH Facebook

DTRH Instagram

DTRH Twitter

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#IFTTT #WordPress

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silveredglass · 7 years

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RULES

· Always post the rules

· Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

· Write 11 questions of your own

· Tag 11 people (or however many you want)

Hello. @dictacontrion tagged me in this, (thank you love!) And can I just say - I love this particular tag thing? It’s different and everyone’s questions and answers are great. It gets long so I will put a cut in, but everyone and anyone come have a chat if you like. <3

1. If you could have one billion dollars or the not (or only incidentally) profitable superpower of your choosing, which would you choose and why?

I suppose one billion dollars because I could do a lot with that.. Fund a lot of shelters, healthcare. Give a lot away to indigenous peoples to make their own choices. I could get myself elected. Possibly buy a two bedroom terrace in the city I live in (although real estate is crazy here so that would eat up a chunk 😉 But yeah, I mean you’d go for the money and the ability to change lives.

2. What article of clothing makes you feel most awesome?

My under-boob-body-suit-spanx-thingy? Also, I have this amazing navy matt sequin skirt and it’s, uh, well it’s amazing. It comes to about my knees and it twirls (!) and did I mention it’s made of matt navy sequins.

3. How did you get into your most recent fandom?

I don’t really have a ‘recent’ fandom as such. Relating this to my blog and fic stuff, I guess for me I have always had just one blog that everything went on; I was never good at separating interests or interested/good at ‘curating’ something. I did for many reasons discourse and theories and lies people tell and a whole damn hot mess delete my old blog and start again, but I literally had about 5 people I spoke to on that and 4 of them have left tumblr. That said, it’s always been Harry Potter and 1d and music in general and pretty pictures and sometimes a boob or two.

4. What’s your least favorite/most hated book, and why?

Ahh. Jesus. There are books I hate that I have never read – like The Da Vinci Code. But for something that I have read, probably anything by Brett Easton Ellis. I’ll focus on American Psycho.

I spent a lot of time in my late teens and early twenties either at school or uni reading books written by men about male experiences (presented as seminal works for ALL humans which eye-roll they are not) and often feeling very uncomfortable about them, but because they were deemed ‘cool’ or ‘good’ by people I respected I never spoke up about my issues with them. AP is honestly just the pinnacle of this. It’s not that I think the book is poorly written, or that it doesn’t have a place as such, or even that I have a problem with the shocking the elements of it – but it gets away with so much horrid misogyny in the name of art and really the violence actually takes away from the theme of the novel and so just ends up being sensationalist bullshit.

I am not sure if this makes sense, but basically I hate it because it is misogynistic and bad and also because of what it represents about me not speaking up when I wanted too.

5. Describe a fanwork you’d love to read/see/watch, but don’t want to create yourself, please?

Hahaha, @charlotte-bird’s Glasto fic. (Although I want to write a festival one shot myself, I love her sketched out plot idea and this art work a lot.)

6. What would be the lineup of your ideal music festival?

OK. I ended up with a spreadsheet which involved a fantasy festival lasting three and a half days, over three stages and two tents, and I was negotiating set times with myself because I wouldn’t be able to see all the bands I had programmed for myself at my fantasy festival? It was a mess. SO, I have gone for a nice one day-er featuring artists who I have not yet seen live, and for most, will of course never get that opportunity.

The Go-Betweens. Manic Street Preachers. Pulp. Amy Winehouse. Fleetwood Mac. David Bowie. The Beatles (cos you would if you could.) and then The Supremes to dance the night away…

7. You’re given the power to unilaterally create one law or policy in one country - what is it?

Fark. I don’t live there but straight away I thought of health care in the US. It’s unfathomable that people go broke because they break a leg? But closer to home and for personal (selfish?) motivations I would create federal policy around domestic violence, sentencing and parole conditions for offenders and proper long-term funding for short and long term effects of domestic violence. And leading from that a reformative framework for addressing crime that is primarly committed against women and children as a whole.

8. If you had to commit to living in one place for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I think near a river on the NSW South Coast. Or maybe Edinburgh. But I’d probably want to stay in Australia. We have a fair amount of problems and douchebag conservatives, but it’s a very lucky place to live.

9. Thinking about your life a year from now, what’s one thing that you hope will be different?

I’d like to have some proper travel plans for a long trip overseas & the other missed connection stuff relating to that.

10. What’s one thing that you hope will be the same?

My family are all healthy.

11. What’s the last thing that made you laugh?

Emily’s Cartoon this week , I just saw it reblogged again on my dash and lmso – the sky badger kills me.

OK. I’m tagging @charlotte-bird, @serpensthesia, @devinesis, @dddraconis, @slowestdive, @kiwisinnewyork, @thebluepeninsula, @jadepresley um @dictacontrion want to do this again !? (totally do not have to at all) @blamebrampton?

I know you’re all busy, so no pressure. And I know everyone always says 'anyone else who sees this and wants to please do’ - but I mean it, honestly I love this one, it’s like having a great chat.

My questions are:

1. Have you ever had something happen to yourself (not as a baby) that you didn’t remember until someone else told you about it?

2. Best food combination that shouldn’t work but does that you have ‘invented’?

3. Do you like live theatre? Art exhibits? If so tell me about something you’ve seen that made an impact.

4. Do you have an accessory or jewellery or makeup that you wear almost always?

5. What is your strongest olfactory memory?

6. What album that has been released in the past two years should I go buy?

7. When you were a kid did you have a favourite make believe game you’d play? Or dress up you’d wear?

8. Tell me something that made you feel proper chuffed with yourself. In a nice quietly contented way.

10. Have you ever had a scary or very odd animal encounter?

11. Share a link to a fic or fan art that you love?

#I need a tag for personal rabbiting on #lets chat if you like

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eelpiepete · 5 years

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Saturday

6 Days Retired:

Ahhhh, so nice being able to relax now I have finally given up playing.

Saturday team are short we only have 10 though so like a phoenix from the flames I shall rise majestically and no doubt miss a couple of easy catches and do my bit for the trees by not wearing anyone’s pencils out in the score book - hey at least I’m consistent.

Picked up a handful of new players this week for the Saturday team - and one for my Sunday team too - happy days - another bunch of youngsters to show me up even more in the field #loveitnoreally

Pre-match warm up consists of me catching up with a bit of Glasto from last night - blimey that Stormzy lad he’s energetic isn’t he? What I wouldnt give for a bit of that these days. I suspect he may have a touch of tourettes but he seems a very likeable chap. Didnt understand a lot of what he says mind - even the BBC subtitle gang did their best I suspect but clearly struggled.

Still looking forward to dropping some new phrases I’ve learnt on the lads later #Merky

Really ought to pull his trousers up a bit though

#cricketysticks #quackquack #cricket

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callumskeltoneco · 5 years

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Photographer that analyses/discusses plastic

Andy Hughes

http://www.andyhughes.net/site/projects-2-2/

site use for all images and info

DOMINANT WAVE THEORY

“In 1991 Hughes began photographing the plastic waste he observed on the beach, after surfing along the coast of south wales. For over 25 years he has studied and photographed along the coastal zone. In the late in 90′s he started photographing various items of trash along the intertidal zone. As a young student Hughes recalls seeing the exhibition Rubbish and Recollections, by Keith Arnett, co-organised by a renascent Oriel Mostyn, Llandudno and the Photographers’ Gallery, London. The content both inspired him and connected to his experiences living and surfing in South Wales. Between 1999 and 2006 Hughes was consumed by making images of the plastic waste matter that came to rest along the beaches where he surfed, the results of his project were published in this book.”

Plastigomerate

“In 1990 Andy Hughes discovered an unusual material, it felt and looked like ‘plastic rock’. These forms were integrated in a number of his early photographic works. The images displayed here to the right (made on 5×4 Fuji Transparency film) formed part of his graduating exhibition in 1991 at the RCA, Gulbenkian Gallery, London. Recently he has re-developed a number of works using this material. Work from 1990 is displayed here alongside newer works, each its titled and dated.

A claim to the discovery of something new, something undiscovered can be made only as a formal requirement regarding the language in which the proposition itself is expressed. Is it not a paradox that the material we have come to ‘know’ recently as Plastiglomerate as described on Wikipedia may have surfaced much earlier?”

GLASTO OPUS 1

“These selected images come from his Glastonbury Opus series. They explore tensions between the seductive depiction of colour, sculptural forms with an underlying narrative that describes the environmental degradation that results from a large festival event. Gatherings like this where tens of thousands of people congregate generate huge quantities of waste, they attempt to raise questions about wider human behavior and mass consumption rather than any specific criticism of the festivals itself. These photographs do not attempt to simply use the rhetoric of documentary photography, when seen in the wider context of Hughes previous work they form part of his multidisciplinary practice.”

CIRCULARITY

“These works were created for the project Gyre: The Plastic Ocean.

Anchorage Museum, 2014

The cyclic narrative of the Pacific Gyre is driven by immense oceanic global systems much greater in time span than human industrial processes. Our cognition of the disposal and dispersal of human debris is founded partly by photographic recorded evidence and that of narratives based upon systematic scientific investigation.

Oceanic currents disperse our petrochemical utilitarian objects of desire ultimately making their way back to the shoreline. The forces at work shift and move huge volumes of water and waste materials around the globe. Circulatory systems such as those in the human body, as well as patterns seen in nature and mathematics have inspired artists for centuries.Virgin wilderness as once explored by artists and scientists now seems lost, the post Darwinian world seems perhaps by some as devoid of mystery, whilst for others there is still much beauty to experience in a complex and varied world in which we exist along with other forms of life on earth.

The objects observed in the works by Hughes avoid metaphors associated with spewing, destruction, dystopian and over consumptive scenarios, rather he attempts to displace these with new ones, plastic objects become religious orbs which float and inhabit both sky and earth, beach and sea. These floating objects might bring to mind ‘UFO’ sightings, are they visionary objects from the past, present or the future ? For many of us they are clearly recognisable as food and drink containers, fishing debris, maybe play objects or toys, or any item from the cacophony of millions of plastic products.

Rejected material is made visible and set against majestic landscape and seascapes.Plastic is a creation of human beings, Hughes photographs speak of this beauty of creativity and directs one to consider the notion of our relationships with its materiality. These images combine works created on the Gyre Expedition and data collected via 3-D and mapping applications along the coastline of Cornwall, England, thereby connecting the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean.”

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midnightiscoming-kasabian · 7 years

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Kasabian: Why Serge Pizzorno is the new Tinkerman

Former Chelsea and, for the purposes of this interview, Leicester City manager Claudio Ranieri's constant experimentation with his starting 11, earned him the nickname 'The Tinkerman'. Now, Sergio Pizzorno - guitarist, professional Leicester City fan and creative force behind Kasabian could stake a claim to the moniker.

"Just a couple of days ago, I was like, 'I've changed one thing,' and they were like, 'You can't'. And I was like, 'Can you please make this happen because I need it,' and they said, 'OK'.

Keep reading

The "they" in this anecdote are his record label Sony and the "thing" he changed was a track on the band's new album For Crying Out Loud.

"I'm terrible," he admits. And the source of his frustration?

"I sped up a track by 1 bpm (beat per minute) because it was doing my head in and I couldn't figure out why. Maybe it's just madness, I can't even decide for myself.

"I get pretty obsessed making albums. I think a lot of people I respect are probably the same, I think it's what binds us."

While for many, this kind of attention to detail could reek of some kind of music megalomania, or even a bit of rock star posturing designed to prove his self-importance, it's this kind of attention to detail which, to the consternation of hipster tastemakers and serious muso critics, have made the lad-rockers one of the biggest bands in the UK.

Fewer than 10 years after playing second fiddle to Razorlight (where are they now?) on the Other Stage at Glastonbury, Kasabian joined Arcade Fire and Metallica as the top billing artists on the Pyramid Stage.

That was three years ago and for many British bands, could be considered the peak of their career.

"It was like completing Mario," says Pizzorno. "I didn't get a lull afterwards, I just thought, 'What does this mean, getting from rehearsing in a shed to headlining Glasto?' It was a long old journey."

For anyone who has ever witnessed the raucous, sing-a-long atmosphere of a Kasabian gig - midway between a rock show and a football terrace - it would come as a surprise that it's only recently the 36-year-old has begun enjoying their live shows.

"Performing, for me, well I've always been a studio man but I got into the performing thing. Now, I feel excited about performing which is a new thing."

Which is just as well as the band are currently in the middle of a UK and European tour which will also see them headline this summer's Reading and Leeds festivals.

It also sees them on the verge of releasing their sixth album since 2004's self-titled debut album. In the band's Wikipedia page ("It's all rubbish, I don't know how they get away with it," says the musician), one fact which Serge says is correct is that they have now been together for more than two decades.

"Twenty years is a long time," he admits. "What keeps me going, is I'm obsessed with tunes and you can see it in the eye of other people with the same addiction. Even though you've got a bag of new songs that are ok - you always want one more."

The new songs, which the band have already played live, at a three-night residency in London's Kentish Town Forum include Comeback Kid, God Bless This Acid House and the already controversial You're in Love with a Psychowith its nonsensical lyrics - "The doctors say I'm crazy, that I'm eight miles thick / I'm like the taste of macaroni on a seafood stick."

"It's not the shower scene from Hitchcock," explains Serge. "I think in any relationship there are moments when one of you will do something and the other will think, 'Whoa... that was a bit weird, I only forgot to put the bins out, come on, is it that bad?'

"It made me laugh and originally it was, 'I'm in love...' but I looked at my wife and thought I can't do that. It could be about anyone but I have had a few texts from my mates asking is that about my missus?"

So, in that spirit, what do the new song titles from For Crying Out Loud tell us about Serge, we decided to have a gentle probe...

The first song is Ill Ray (The King) in it you sing about being king for a day but what would you do if you did indeed reign for 24 hours.

You know what, I'd abdicate and I'd go to a desert island with all the money that I'd stashed away and I'd go with a record player and a case of rum and sit there with no one else. That would be my day. I'd take a crate and have my favourite albums but then I'd have a mystery crate so I could dig away at that.

You're in Love with A Psycho - who is your favourite on-screen monster?

Paddy Considine in Dead Man's Shoes, that is the epitome. He's the best.

Twentyfourseven - what is the longest you have ever stayed up and how much do you still regret it?

The longest would have been going out Friday and going to bed Sunday night, which is not bad, two and a half days.

Actually, it did go into Monday so three days-ish but I would never do it again. The Friday was great and it carried on and the Saturday was okay but the Sunday was not good and it wasn't for want of trying to go to bed.

Good Fight - who would win in a fight between you and Tom?

In a fight, it would be horrendous. Tom would win, well it depends. I think if Tom got in early, he'd get the knockout but if it went past eight rounds, I think I've got the stamina. But if he went in early, I think he'd do it. I'd probably do him on points.

Wasted - what is the most drunk you have ever been and what's your hangover cure?

One year, it was the Champions League when Arsenal played Barcelona and I went round the corner to watch it with Noel Gallagher and I had to catch a train and I was with Tom and so we got there before the game and I think we had maybe five or six pints of [generic beer brand] over the period, I mean it was ridiculous because we had to catch a train and I have never been so out of mind mind trying to catch a train and when we arrived in Leicester, there were a couple of coppers waiting for us. We weren't in trouble but it was just bad. I was so drunk but then an hour later, I wasn't too bad, it was this weird concentrated period.

And hangover cure? I wish I knew, I don't have one. There isn't one is there? It's your punishment for having such a good time.

Comeback Kid - who would you most like to see reunite?

There's the obvious one of course (we think he means Oasis) but I'm going to go for something else. It would be nice for the Floyd to get back together. So, Pink Floyd.

The Party Never Ends - what are the best (and worst) parties you have ever been to?

The best one, just because of the ridiculous situation, not because it was the best party but on the first album when we were kids, we got invited to Philip Green's yacht in Monte Carlo and it was just full of what you would imagine. Like, Bon Jovi were there. It was the oddest group ever and, as you can imagine, we were like 20, 23 so were trying to get into his helicopter and turn it on. It was just mad.

The worst? I can't remember. I've never had a bad party, I'd have a great party in here with just me and you.

Are You Looking For Action - we probably know this one - but what is your favourite sporting moment?

Us (Leicester City) winning the Premier League. We were playing two shows in the stadium in the summer and I remember leaving a game against Swansea and spoke to our manager and said, 'We've got to move those gigs'. It was impossible because we had six weeks to turn it around but we did. Every day, just taking the kids to school, it was just everywhere and it's one of those things in 20 years you'll be on a programme as one of these talking heads, talking about it. It's still too soon to understand what happened.

All Through The Night - have you ever suffered from insomnia and how did you beat it?

Yeah quite a lot actually and I figured it out. I used to really struggle but audio books are my thing. It's annoying because you fall asleep and can't remember where you got to, so you listen to the same chapter over and over but that's the thing. I need not to think, silence doesn't work and music is terrible because I start writing notes. I'm on podcasts right now. Adam Buxton, he's so good.

Sixteen Blocks - what is your other favourite song with a number in the title?

Oh man. Do you know what, I'm gonna say Seven Nation Army because it's the first thing that came into my head. How he's managed to write the sporting anthem of the world is hilarious because he had no idea that it would be.

When Italy won the world cup I think, and I could be wrong, but I think it started with the Italian fans because that was their song and they won the cup, which was amazing. If I hadn't said Leicester winning the league, I would have said that, so that song brings back happy memories.

Bless This Acid House - the UK has a housing crisis, we are short of social housing while young people can't afford to get on the ladder - how do we solve it?

Man, I could write a soundtrack but I don't know if I have the answers for that.

Put Your Life On It - what is the most expensive thing (apart from a house) that you own?

I don't really have anything worth much, I don't really go in for that. Probably my synthesizer collection and I had no idea. Apparently I made a good investment and, at the time, people asked, 'Why are you buying all this old gear that doesn't work?'. But over the years, it's better than buying red wine, I was told.

For Crying Out Loud is out now.

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#kasabian #interviews #interviews 2017

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