#or they’re put in a situation where they realize they need to be serious? what makes them cry? what makes them angry?

[cheesiedomino]

RentABoyfriend.com ꙳ ੭ * ‧

synopsis: you’re tired of being single so you to take an unusual route in helping with that— but what happens when you start catching real romantic feelings for your rental boyfriend?

genre: seo changbin x fem!reader | fake relationship/dating au wc: 5.1k tags/warnings: fluff, v minor angst, mild cursing, (kinda) nerdy changbin, use of pet names, mentions of alcohol usage, just overall very cute story dw <33

[this is part of my valentine’s series where i write a short story for each member surrounding themes of love, newfound romance, relationship hardships & more.]

“I have a date tomorrow guys.”

Everyone’s head instantly lifts up from their phones at this sudden announcement, collectively drawing their attention at you. You weren’t expecting all of them to gasp and swap such looks of genuine confusion. It’s starting to make you think maybe this situation was a lot more serious than you’ve bargained it out to be.

You couldn’t fathom it either honestly, the realization of you going out with someone probably won’t settle in until you’re physically on the date. Based on their initial responses though, you might regret everything you’re about to say, but it’s far too late to retract any of your statements now.

“No way.. with who??” Danielle is the first out of everyone to ask.

Taehyung chimes in as well, “Yeah, who’s the lucky person? They’ve gotta be something seriously special to be talking to you.”

Well, you suppose you could put it that way.

You already have a preconceived notion of what they’re going to think of this “idea”. Mentally preparing yourself to receive a flood of questions and critique from your close friends.

“Actually… I rented him. For the week.”

Now they’re all looking at you like you’ve officially lost it. The room got scarily quiet, no one wanted to be the first to speak. You should’ve anticipated on their reactions being like this, it isn’t everyday someone just openly admits to buying a partner online. Nowadays there’s a lucrative market for just about anything, when you stumbled upon an ad for this service called ‘RentABoyfriend.com’ you didn’t think much of it. You laughed the concept off at first, thinking how lonely people must be to buy someone else’s time.

But the ads kept popping up, they wouldn’t stop showing in almost every YouTube video you were watching— even one of your favorite YouTubers promoted them before! So one day you finally decided to check this website out, you wanted to see what the hype’s all about so you signed up just for shits and giggles. You weren’t expecting to actually be somewhat interested in trying this thing out, but after going through a couple different profiles and reading hundreds of positive reviews you were practically sold.

“You rented out a boyfriend..? Seriously ___? I mean, I’m not judging but you’re a gorgeous girl you can easily get a boyfriend without paying for someone’s companionship, I don’t see why you need to rent one.” Mark bluntly expressed his opinion, he was probably the most outspoken out of all of you guys.

Taehyung and Danielle both agreed in unison, it’s practically 3 against 1 at this point. You knew you should’ve waited to tell them but you weren’t anticipating on them being this judgmental about it. You were hoping for a little more support, as they’re all way more experienced than you in the dating scene and could lend some helpful advice about your first date, ever.

See, the thing is you’ve never tried dating before so you wouldn’t know the first thing about it or what to expect from your future partner. You’ve never had a boyfriend, let alone held hands or kissed someone of the opposite sex. Being in your twenties it’s kind of embarrassing to say you’ve never done those things, but you thought what better way to try it out than renting a full-on experience that can give you just that? Well minus the kissing part, but you can make it work.

You were skeptical of doing this whole ‘rent-a-boyfriend’ thing at first because you didn’t think there’d be anyone you’d find suitable enough. A big part of the reason that you’re still single is because you’re extremely picky, you want to date a guy who’s so perfect that he must’ve came straight out of an indie romance film. Your friends would tease you for having such unrealistic standards when it came to dating but you were the all-or-nothing type, you’ll be single with fifty cats before you settle for less. Renting a boyfriend is definitely an unconventional idea of easing into dating but you thought it might be worth a try anyway.

What’s the worse that could happen?

( 1 day earlier )

Hovering your cursor over the bold red text of the website, you read over the main rules before going on to select the person you want for your date.

‘The rules are simple:

You are allowed to see only ONE person at a time, if you want to switch boyfriends you’ll have to pay a $50 fee.

MUST be over 18 to rent a boyfriend, we have implemented an age verification system before the date as we do not tolerate anyone under this age to use our services.

NO kissing, or sexual intimacy allowed. If this is found out later on by our agency we will terminate your contract and ban you from using our services in the future.

Remember to have fun !! ^_^ Our services are great for people who are new to dating or have never been in a relationship. We provide the ~ultimate~ boyfriend experience to all our clients. Customer satisfaction is 100% guaranteed ! (NO REFUNDS)’

Well jeez… they seemed a bit strict but you can deal with those rules and restrictions for the most part.

After hours of skimming through hundreds of profiles, you have a hard time choosing which you like most. Did you want an artsy, shy kind of guy? The tattooed, bad boy aesthetic type? You really couldn’t pick one until you stumble upon a particular profile that catches your eye almost immediately.

SEO CHANGBIN | 168 CM | PART-TIME LIFEGUARD | 24 | *POPULAR ↝

5 Facts About Me: I’ve traveled to over 50+ different countries and counting (ask me which my favorites are), I can speak 4 languages (working on my fifth), love to sing and used to have a rap trio with my buddies from college, I can & will easily lift you up ;) also have a secret talent for cooking, there’s nothing I can’t do!

Why Choose Me? First of all, why not choose me? I’m the best candidate for whatever kind of date you need, something casual, social gatherings, weddings, you name it! I’m very social and can make most people laugh (unless they’re the literal Grinch reincarnated), I’m able to get along well with anyone and just love to have a good time. I hope we can get to know each other and make great memories in the future :)

Going through his pictures you couldn’t believe someone was capable of being this humanely attractive. Don’t even get started on those impeccable muscles either… He really had to sport them in every other one of his photos, wearing the tightest shirts to show the outline of his insanely sculpted frame. You might have just been mesmerized from his godlike visuals alone. They even had a Valentine’s Day deluxe package that comes with seven dates in total for half the price, which they specified was for a limited time only.

$600 later you’ve got a full week of dates lined up with the hottest guy you’ve ever seen in all your years of living. You should’ve definitely went shopping before considering all this because now you actually have a reason to get dolled up for someone.

You were so nervous about going on this date you almost cancelled last minute out of fear. Typing out several different elaborate paragraphs to Changbin on why you couldn’t make it. You didn’t have his real phone number, it was all through an app facilitated by the rental company that was included in the package. Even though you were feeling overwhelmed and practically shaking with anxiety about meeting up with a guy, you still forced yourself to go anyway. You didn’t just dish out all that money just to not show up and waste his time on top of all that.

Your rental boyfriend texted you the location to meet at, it was near a train station so you both could see each other out in a public open space. The outfit you wore was fairly simple, a black mini skirt with warm tights underneath and a cropped turtleneck sweater. You accessorized the look with some dainty jewelry, a thin scarf, and knee high boots to pull everything together. It wasn’t something you usually wore but you had certain clothes you saved for a special occasion like this.

Upon your arrival, you notice him standing near a vending machine and waves over at you with the biggest smile plastered on his face. You awkwardly wave back, giving a soft smile as you slowly walk up to him. He looks even better in person, you don’t even feel adequate enough to be in such a gorgeous man’s presence. No wonder he’s so popular on the site, he’s practically unreal.

“Hi, you must be ___. It’s so nice to finally meet you, might I add you look really beautiful today, I think you’re making my heart race just by looking at you. Happy Valentine’s Day!” Changbin introduces himself, buttering you up with some sweet compliments before handing you the most insane bouquet of roses you’ve ever seen.

You take the flowers and almost stumble backwards from how heavy they were, “Wow, thank you!” Changbin prevents you from falling, quickly coming up behind you to get your balance back.

“Careful honey, can’t have you injured on our first date!” He voices with concern, “I hope you love the idea I came up with, I’ve only been to this place once before but I’m sure it’s still as fun as I remember it, let’s go!” Eagerly grabbing your hand to begin the journey, he turns around again to examine your body language.

“You seem a little tense babe? Do you need a massage?” He asks in a concerned tone again, this is all really beginning to freak you out. You know this is what you signed up for but this was all starting to feel a bit too personal, all the nicknames and sweet talk he’s giving is just something you aren’t used to.

“Uh, no! It’s o-okay.” You shook your head, denying anything suspicious going on. Truth be told you were barely able to contain your composure right now.

Changbin keeps on insisting, “The massage is included in the package so you don’t have to worry about getting charged extra.”

“N-no it’s okay, really. I’m just nervous that’s all, sorry I just don’t meet up with guys…” you shyly admit, finding it hard to look him in the eye.

He nods in understanding, “No need to be nervous with me sweetheart. I’m here to make you feel as comfortable as possible.” The smile he flashes at you instantly makes you warm on the inside, he seems like a genuine, caring person. You think things might go well for you after all.

The rest of the night was full of only good vibes and laughter by the end of it all. Changbin took you to an adult arcade that had old video games like Pac-Man, Super Mario, and Space Invaders, the other side was a bar where people could sit, drink, and socialize. He bought all your drinks that night, let you use up most of his tokens and overall had the most fun you could’ve ever had with someone. He was so easygoing but also knew when to act super caring and would be all lovey dovey with you. He was gentle, nurturing, and could have conversations about anything. You loved that he’d randomly drop some interesting fact you never knew about, or talked about a certain niche topic that he’d go on multiple rants over. It didn’t feel like you were renting someone out to date you, it felt natural— like you’ve known him for longer than a couple hours. Changbin walked you home and held your hand the entire time, along with the flowers he provided a teddy bear and a heart shaped box of chocolates. If that didn’t scream boyfriend goals then you don’t know what does.

The next day you wake up to Changbin blowing your phone up this morning. You had over 26 messages from him, which was pretty excessive in your humble opinion. The first thing he said was good morning then he goes on to express how fun yesterday was and he can’t wait to do it again. He even sent a couple mirror selfies of him at the gym, ‘conceited much?’ You thought. But then again, if you were Seo Changbin you’d probably be full of yourself too.

For today’s date you wore a pretty red sundress that made your skin glow in the sunlight. It’ll definitely get him to compliment you even more— which you secretly love when he does. Changbin calls you before he heads out to the date, letting you know how excited he is to see you again. You couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot on the train as you made your way to the destination, thinking about what he’s planned for you two next. This time you’ll be meeting up at a park but you still have no clue what you’re doing.

Changbin texts you where exactly he is in the park, it was pretty huge so it took you a while to get to him. As you get closer you see him sitting on a large blanket by the lake, on top of it were a bunch of different foods and snacks scattered all around that came out of a huge picnic basket. You were speed walking at this point trying to get to him. His arms opened out for a hug and you lean right into him, what you didn’t expect was for him to suddenly stand up and lift you in his arms to swing around you like a doll.

“Put me down I’m scared of heights!” You squeal out in fear of being too high up in the air. Maybe you really should’ve taken the bio on his profile more seriously when he mentioned certain things.

Finally putting you down after minutes go by of you protesting, Changbin sits you back onto the blanket. He brought an assortment of breads, cheese, fruits, lemonade that he made himself and a couple seltzers. You’ve never seen anyone put such time and effort into a date before, even being here with him is like living in a daydream. He was definitely succeeding in making you feel comfortable, which is something you never thought was possible with men. He actually took his time getting to know you and didn’t sound arrogant whenever he talked about himself, Changbin was so different than other guys who’ve tried hitting on you in the past. He was actually respectful, intelligent, and could easily carry a conversation without long, awkward pauses.

He was literally everything you’re looking for in a guy. But you’ll be seeing him for this week only then it’s bye bye forever. That revelation makes you a little upset, but you try pushing those thoughts in the back of your mind. It’s irrelevant and unnecessary to think about. Yet you can’t help but wonder about certain things though, wanting to know more about his job and what it’s like on a daily basis for him.

“Can I ask you something? I need you to answer it honestly.” You say out of nowhere, hoping that didn’t come out as weird as you thought.

Changbin nods, “of course, shoot.”

“How many clients do you usually get?”

This question definitely catches him off guard, he’s never really been asked this before and he’s debating on if he should as it might be a breach of privacy.

“I don’t think I can answer that, sorry.” He responds in the nicest way possible, but deep down he wants to know why you’d want to know how many other people he sees a day.

You were going to push him a bit more to try and get an answer but you decide to let it go and just enjoy the rest of the picnic. You didn’t want to bring the mood down with your odd questions and/or end up making him feel so uncomfortable that he won’t want to see you anymore. It was definitely something you shouldn’t have asked but you were curious to know anyway. Overall besides that small incident, you had another wonderful time with Changbin and couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come any faster.

Changbin had a foolproof way of getting you to blush like a giddy high school teen whenever he texted you. He’d always refer to you as ‘pretty girl’ or ‘princess’ which gave you insane amount of butterflies. You loved how clingy he could get and would double text when you don’t reply fast enough, always needing constant attention from you which you never minded giving.

He texted you at around three in the afternoon, proposing his next plan for today’s date.

‘Let’s go out for drinks tonight, it’s all on me ;)’

You liked his message, replying that you’ll be there and put a series of hearts at the end. Speaking of hearts, yours is fluttering at high altitudes from the way you can’t stop thinking about your “boyfriend” Changbin. This has been better than anything you could’ve expected, you never want this week to come to an end. It’s only been three days but you’ve begun to grow feelings for him, they weren’t too strong just yet but they were most definitely there. You couldn’t let that halt you from having a good time tonight, you’ll have to accept it soon enough he’s not your actual boyfriend. He’s doing this because you paid him to, if it wasn’t for your money he wouldn’t be here right now.

‘This relationship is purely transactional’ you unfortunately keep reminding yourself of the reality you’re in. Psyching yourself out of this sudden somber mood that’s consuming you, distracting your pessimism by raiding your closet for some cute clothes to wear tonight’s date. After what seemed like hours of tearing your entire room apart, you decide to settle on this sparkly black mini tube dress, pairing it with a leather jacket and more platform shoes because you’re obsessed with feeling tall. Once it’s 7 PM you head out to the bar you’re seeing Changbin at, he was already waiting for you inside the place. Eyes instantly lighting up when he sees you coming towards him, just like he always does he motions for a hug, pulling you in tightly like he hasn’t seen you in years.

His hugs felt so cozy, like sitting in front of the fireplace on a crisp, snowy winter’s evening. You never wanted to escape the warmth of his arms, it was one of those forms of physical touch that felt so overly personal to you. The thought of him hugging someone the same way he hugs you slightly enrages something in your spirit but again, it isn’t your place to get genuinely upset over him doing his job. You’re not entitled to him exclusively, but you feel like if you keep this up feelings will only continue to develop. This wasn’t something you considered when going into this and now you feel like you’ve just made a huge mistake.

“You okay babe?” Changbin notices you acting a bit strange, choosing not to pursue it after telling him you’re fine. He knows something’s wrong but doesn’t want to mess up the flow of the date, instead he orders a drink for the both of you and switches on to a lighter subject. “Let’s go shopping tomorrow at that new centre that just opened last week. I need to buy some new AirPods, I accidentally lost one of them in a taxi..”

“Sure,” you nod at his suggestion, in desperate need of some new clothes anyway. “Sorry about your AirPods, that sucks!”

He takes a sip of his bubbly drink that’s now on the table, “Eh, it’s okay this is probably the fourth time this has happened so far.” This has pretty much become a regular occurrence for him by now.

As the date progresses, things continue getting better. You’re both laughing, engaging in much deeper conversation than ever before. You definitely had more than enough alcohol in your system by now, feeling congested and claustrophobic as more people came into the bar. Changbin takes note of your discomfort and asks if you want to get some fresh air outside, you wasted absolutely no time to agree.

While you two were outside continuing your chat about some wild conspiracy he read about online, Changbin’s attention was soon drawn to a different building nearby. Gazing up in confusion at his sudden outburst of excitement, you wonder where he could be leading you next.

“Noraebang!” He shouts loud enough anyone miles away could’ve heard that, he’s now grabbing your hand to frantically drag you along with him.

You were never one to carry a tune but Changbin was actually very good at karaoke and singing in general, he had such a lovely voice. You could seriously listen to him sing all night— which you basically did since you kept begging for an encore until it hit 4 am. That’s when you both decided to finally call it a night, you wanted to pay for the Uber since he’s paid for all the drinks and every other expenses for today. You felt bad because you were the one renting him to be your boyfriend yet he’s constantly shelling out money left and right. He still insisted on paying and ultimately won the whole debacle, making you swallow your pride and get into the Uber with him. Changbin’s definitely not just someone you’re going to forget about after this week is over. You dread the day this all comes to an end, wishing there was a way to relive these moments again and again.

“I’m a little under the weather today, sorry I can’t make it Binnie.” Your voice is hoarse from coughing and unbearable throat pain. You’ve already consumed half a bag of cough drops, throat lozenges, and random cold medicine you’ve found in your cabinets.

He sounds mildly disappointed, but springs back up with a new proposal, “I can come over and bring some soup if you’d like!”

You appreciate his gesture but still refuse, you know he’s only saying all this because he has to, not because he wants to. “N-no you don’t have to, I’m sure you can go see other clients today. One less person to worry about right?”

The call went silent for a minute, he wasn’t quite sure how to respond to such a deprecating comment.

“I don’t want to see other clients, I want to see you ___.” He sighs, unwilling to give up so easily, “I’ll be at your place soon, m’kay?” He hangs up before you could even respond or say no again.

You had no choice but to wait for Changbin to show up now. Before you got sick, the last two dates you went on were debatably the best so far. You had gone out shopping together, accidentally wearing almost the same kind of outfit. Changbin was wearing a white graphic tee with blue baggy jeans and you wore something practically identical. The two of you looked like a real, official couple and people would stare as you walked hand in hand, it really did seem like the perfect relationship on the outside.

You got even closer when he came over the following day, resulting in you two cuddling while watching movies and baking cookies. He’s expressed that he’s never been to another client’s home before but it wasn’t “technically” against any rules. The more you kept hanging out together, the harder it was coming to terms with the fact you’re actually falling for Changbin. He made every experience with you more exciting than the last, which he did exactly that night. When the cookies were done you fed a piece to him, making little airplane sounds as you do it, he eagerly takes a bite of the chewy treat and compliments both your efforts.

“These taste way better than I thought, oh my god they literally melt in your mouth. Try it!” He takes another cookie from the tray and feeds it to you this time.

There was something so overly domestic about that moment you couldn’t shake the feelings of wanting to kiss him right then and there. But you can’t. If you did such a thing you’d never be allowed to see him again, plus you don’t want to be known as that one creepy client who just couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. As you were cuddling on the couch though, things may have taken a turn for the better… or worse?

Changbin would “yawn” at the movie and subtly wrap his arm around you, he’d subconsciously pull you in closer and it didn’t make it any better that you were under the same blanket. You weren’t complaining at any of this though, you were pretty much in heaven. It took everything in you not to look up and stare, gluing your eyes to the movie that was displayed on the TV. But as the night progressed you were practically snuggling up with him like he was your real boyfriend. The way he’d run his fingers gently down your back, soothing you in a way that could lull you asleep. His touch was the most relaxing thing ever, you were so calm with him and loved how he brought a side of you that’s never been shown. After this encounter you can no longer deny the way you feel— you are officially falling deeply in love your rental boyfriend, Seo Changbin.

The sound of your doorbell ringing alarms you of a new visitor, who was none other than your “boyfriend” waiting patiently outside the door for you. You feel and look like death itself, coming downstairs to answer the door still in your PJ’s and hair a disheveled mess. Every five seconds was interrupted with you coughing your lungs out, barely able to speak above a whisper. Changbin looks thrilled as ever to see you, even when you clearly don’t look your best he’s still coming up to hug you tightly. His hugs are always blocking off your airways from the way his muscles squeeze you, it’s even worse when you’re sick— practically gasping for air.

“Sorry babyy, I just missed you so much. I couldn’t stop thinking about you all day and soon as you said you’re sick I dropped everything to go make you this soup. It’s a specialty I make whenever my friends are sick, the perfect remedy to cure my princess.” He goes into your kitchen to heat up the soup in your microwave, making you wait patiently on the couch as you’re wrapped up in multiple blankets.

Your body feels like it’s -2 degrees, you were freezing. The crazy thing is your thermostat was set to 80 degrees, it was definitely you that was the problem. He propped your feet up on the table, rested a tray in your lap and set the bowl of soup on top. Brushing a couple strands of hair out your face he looks at you intently, examining your symptoms as if he’s a doctor.

“It’ll be okay soon love, I’m here to nurse you back to health again. Can’t see my pretty baby sick like this, makes me all sad.” He pouts, giving you a soft head pat like you’re a delicate kitten.

He takes a spoonful of the hot soup, slightly blowing on it before telling you to open up so you can eat. You don’t know what’s gotten into you but you feel like he’s gone too far with all this. It’s not fair for you to continue on if it’s just become torture now. He’s practically dangling in your face that you’ll never have a partner as perfect as him in your life.

“I- I can’t do this anymore Changbin..” you say lowly, refusing to eat the soup he made.

“What do you mean? I’m just feeding you soup, it’s my duty as your boyfriend to-”

“This isn’t real… none of it is. I’m stupid for even doing this but I was lonely.. I’m sorry but I’d prefer something that isn’t temporary.” You cut him off to express your pent up frustrations, ready to be let down and rejected by him as gently as possible.

“Then let’s make it real,” he proposes without any hesitation, “honestly I stopped faking it around our third date, it was all me after that. I never said anything because well… this is my job and I’ve never fallen for a client before so this is still all very new to me..”

You’d be screaming right now if you weren’t sick, instead you’re internally freaking out at this confession, it feels like your hearts doing cartwheels and somersaults.

“Seriously?” Eyes widening as you look at him, suddenly your body heat rises and you know it’s not because of the soup or the layers of blankets that’s covering you.

He nods, “I thought it was kinda obvious when we kissed yesterday..”

Oh yeah… you forgot that did happen. You thought it was another fever dream you might’ve just made up in your head. You shared your first kiss with someone you deemed so special and important to you, someone you never would’ve guessed could come into your life and shift the entirety of your world like magic. There was no one else in existence you wanted more than Changbin.

“Doesn’t that mean you’ll have to quit your job? I don’t want to be the reason you stop making such good income.. I’ll feel so bad.” You knew deep down you didn’t feel that badly about him quitting to date you instead. It was just the thought of him leaving something he’s been doing for years behind all for some girl he’s known for simply a week.

He shrugs at your comment, “I’ll be just fine, I was planning on finding a new job soon anyway. It gets kinda old after a while, I felt like I was on autopilot most of the time. You were able to get me to open up and show my true self, I could never thank you enough for that ___.” Changbin couldn’t resist the urge to plant a kiss to your forehead.

After everything that’s been said and done. What you’ve come to understand is that love is learned, a development that takes time to grow and blossom into something extraordinary. Just like learning a new language or a musical instrument, we learn love from society and cultures we’re raised in, it’s a beautiful thing once we know how to cherish it. Your newfound romance with Changbin is something you’ll learn to cherish forever and ever.

[End <3].

[shadowdaddies]

Heyyyy I feel like we’re besties at this point😭 could I request, yet again, an Azriel story. Maybe one where they’re best friends and they get into a serious argument and maybe it ends with a confession and the bond snaps into place but one of them panics and leaves. And ends up having a panic attack while the other one is super worried and is searching for them. When they find them they calm them down and have some cute fluff with like “look at me” or “breathe with Me” something cute idk and then it ends with smut of them finally being mated and it’s all sweet and stuff. (Maybe with some wing play because holy- that’s hot) THANK YOUUUU

hey bestie! love this request, it's been a hectic week to say the least so I'm catching up on requests but I've been so excited about this one. Love your prompts, hope you love this story as much as I do💜

Laid Bare

Azriel x Reader

Warnings: this is angst, fluff, and eventually smut below the cut, wing play, shadow play, p in v sex, minors dni

You followed Azriel through the door to the House of Wind, slamming it behind you as you yelled at him. The two of you never raised your voices at each other, but your emotions got the better of you as you held back tears, shaking with anger and fear for your mate. 

You had known that Azriel was your mate for a long time now, but you knew that he had so much he needed to work through, and you’d decided it would be better to be there for him as a friend while he worked through his trauma, without the added complication of the mating bond. 

Tonight, however, you had hit your limit with Azriel’s refusal to accept help and love from others. It wasn’t only you - Azriel had always kept even his brothers at an arm’s length, only opening up to Cass and Rhys when he deemed it necessary. While others were willing to accept his distance, the bond pulled you closer to him, and day-by-day your love and desire to be there for him grew. 

Azriel stopped in the kitchen, sipping on tea in his faux-stoic manner that drove you crazy as you stormed over to him. “What the Hel, Az? You put yourself in so much danger, so much unnecessary hurt, and for what? You think you’re a burden to people by letting them be there for you, but it’s a burden.... it really hurts me, Azriel, when you won’t let me be there for you. I love you, all I want to do for the rest of my life is love you, and I just wish you would let me.” 

The words poured out before you even realized what you were saying, tears streaming down your face as you dared to make eye contact with Azriel. The moment those hazel eyes locked with yours, Azriel dropped the cup from which he’d been drinking, his steely expression shattering into one of shock, and you knew what had happened. The mating bond snapped for him - at the worst time, when you were yelling at him over something that now felt so trivial. 

You began sobbing so hard you were shaking, hyperventilating as you began to panic. Before Azriel could say anything else, you winnowed away. You appeared on the outskirts of Velaris - a quiet place where the mountains met the sea - and vomited everything from your system. You heaved for breath, trying to ground yourself in your surroundings. You went to a nearby brook, splashing water on your face and cleansing your mouth with the fresh water. 

The sun had nearly set at this point, and you leaned against a tree as you took in the various shades of the sky, the bright Night Court stars already visible at dusk. Mind reeling with how to address the situation with Azriel, you didn’t hear him approach.

You startled at first, watching him carefully as he sat down to lean against the tree beside you. It was no surprise that he would know where to find you. Azriel let out a long sigh, staring down at his hands folded in his lap. “How long have you known about the bond?” he asked quietly. Chewing your lip, you murmured back, “Some time now, almost a year.” He nodded, taking a moment before he said anything.

He at last turned to you, taking one of your hands in his as he gave it a squeeze, as though he was finding his own strength through that touch. “You were right. Everything you said back there... I’ve always felt like a burden if I were to show weakness or ask for help. But you are always there for me, even when I don’t know what I need, you do.”

Azriel pulled you into his lap at this point, you straddling his hips as he wiped his thumb across your cheek, observing you as he confessed, “I love you, too, by the way. I have for a long time. If there’s anyone I trust, that I feel I can open up to, it’s you. I am damaged, and it will take time, but I want to love you, and be loved by you, if you’ll have me.”

You smiled, turning your face to kiss Azriel’s palm, holding it against your face. “Azriel, I have waited my entire life for you, and I would wait one hundred more lifetimes for you. We will grow and learn how to love and be loved together. That’s what this is.” At that, Azriel pulled you in, your lips barely brushing each other as he looked to you for consent. You smiled, throwing yourself into him as you kissed him how you’d been longing to for so long.

Azriel squeezed your backside, causing you to gasp so he could slip his tongue in your mouth. You ground against him, drawing a groan while you ran your hands through his inky black hair, tugging at the strands. When he thrust his tongue into your mouth next, you sucked on it, earning a surprised gasp and a groan from him as he gripped your hips, grinding his own against you.

You mewled at the contact, desperate for more from him. You pulled back, gasping as you opened your mouth to tell Azriel you needed more, only for him to say so first. A thought occurred to you as you noticed his desperation, and you leaned back, studying Azriel as you ran a finger down his chest. With as much confidence as you could muster, you tilted your head, giving Azriel a mischievous smile as you proposed your deal. “I’ll give you more tonight, Azriel, if you let me take care of you. I want to make love to you, how I’ve been waiting to for so long now.” 

At your words, Azriel’s cheeks blushed in that way that you loved as he nodded. You leaned forward, giving him a chaste kiss as you promised in a whisper, “we’ll take this slow - nothing you are uncomfortable with.” With that, you began removing his shirt, guiding him to lay down in the grass as you admired his body in what was now bright moonlight. You removed your own dress, now bare above him, feeling no shyness or shame in your body as your mate gazed at you in awe, running his hands along your sides, palming your breasts as he toyed with your nipples.

You let out a high-pitched moan at the contact, writhing against his touch as you struggled to maintain dominance in the situation. You forced yourself to look down at Azriel, feeling how your own appearance must mirror his own, pupils blown out, cheeks flushed, hair wild as you ravished each other under the stars. You leaned down, rolling your naked body against Azriel’s bare chest as you kissed down his neck to his collarbone, moving one hand to the side for support. 

Your finger accidentally touched the edge of his wing, causing Azriel to let out a hiss as he bucked wildly up into you. Immediately pulling back, you frantically searching Azriel’s face for discomfort. “I’m so sorry, Az. I didn’t mean to touch your wing without permission. Please tell me I didn’t hurt you.” 

To your surprise, Azriel laughed. It was a loud, joyous laugh like bells, louder than you’d ever heard from him. He looked up at you with a beautiful, full smile as he shook his head and grabbed your hand, guiding it back to his wing. You looked at him questioningly, “are you sure you are okay with this? You want me to touch your wings?” Azriel nodded, kissing your palm before guiding it back to his wing. “Yes, I want you. Only you. All of you.”

Your heart melted at his words, eyes never leaving his as you experimentally traced your fingers lightly across the veins of his wing, watching as he groaned and panted beneath you at your touch. “Fuck,” Az finally huffed out, “if you keep doing that, I’m going to finish in my pants.” You smirked, taking that as your cue to pull away, kissing down his chest and stomach, giving extra attention to each scar as you worshipped Azriel.

You were working your way down to the waistband of his pants when Azriel gracefully flipped you over, laid on your back against the grass with your hair splayed out. The two of you simply admired each other for a moment, memorizing the feeling of an intimacy you’d never felt before. You helped Azriel remove his pants, eager to have him inside of you, fully one with your mate.

He leaned down, kissing you sweetly as he pushed into you, your eyes rolling and back arching as he entered you, his large size a stretch for you. Azriel kissed all over your face and neck as he settled inside of you, only moving once you had given him permission. Every thrust hit a perfect spot within you, the sex like nothing you had felt before - it was apparent, Azriel was made for you, and you for him. 

You could sense that you were nearing your high, stomach tightening as you attempted to mumble to Az that you were close. He understood, licking his thumb before bringing it down to your clit, rubbing circles in tandem with shadows that appeared around your nipples. The sudden stimulation sent you barreling over the edge with a scream, Azriel following closely behind. 

He hung his head, resting his nose in your neck as the two of you caught your breath. After several moments, Azriel collapsed into the grass beside you, pulling you into his side as the two of you watched the night sky, laid bare to each other in every sense.

[alwaysmoncheri]

summary: you wake up in major john egan’s bed and remember he drunkenly kissed you the night prior—you wonder what that means for your relationship.

cw: fem!reader, mentions of sex, fluff, kissing, confessions, mentions of alcohol, mentions of drunkenness, cuteness, but also cheesiness, 1k words

<3

It’s quiet when you wake, the sun peaks through the curtains, creating a ray of light that just misses your face. The sheets are comfortable, warm with your own body heat, but they’re not yours. You sit up with a start, the realization as to where you are washing over you. You were in Major John Egan’s bed, oh my god, what were you thinking? You whip your head around, desperately searching for the man you spent the night with. Throwing one of the pillows off the bed, you hear a quiet grunt from the floor, causing you to scramble over to the edge of the bed. Carefully leaning over with a cautious gaze, you see Bucky laying on the ground, a blanket half covering his bare torso and the pillow you previously threw next to him. Heat rises to your cheeks as your eyes find his. His arms are behind his head and there’s an agonizingly charming smile on his face as he looks back at you.

“Good morning.” Bucky’s voice reaches your ears and you feel weak. Your lips part and you draw in a nervous breath, blinking a few too many times, you struggle to gather your thoughts before finally managing to speak.

“You’re on the floor.” you state simply, chasating yourself for the obvious observation.

“It appears so, yes.” Bucky responds with a hint of amusement in his tone, his smile grows wider and you grow more nervous under his gaze, so you look away.

“You don’t need to be.” you offer softly, a gentle invitation hanging in the air as you lean back onto the plush comfort of the bed. Bucky, catching the subtle implication in your words, lifts himself onto his elbows, his expression curious. With a simple nod, you confirm your desire for him to join you on the bed.

Without a word, Bucky rises, his movements fluid and controlled, as he gathers the scattered pillows and blanket, the fabric rustling softly in the quiet room. With practiced ease, he arranges them on the bed before settling himself beside you, his presence a comforting weight against the mattress. As he sits next to you, the warmth of his body radiates, drawing you closer. You catch the scent of his cologne, a subtle blend of musk and cedarwood, mingling with the faint aroma of lingering alcohol from the night before. The mattress dips slightly under his weight, a silent invitation for you to move closer. You shift, your shoulder brushing against his as you settle into a comfortable position beside him.

For a moment the two of you sit in silence, the memories of what happened last night weighing on your conscious. You’re overwhelmed, confused, and attempting to put the pieces together.

“You were drunk.” you remind him, the words a hesitant admission of the truth. “I was drunk.”

“That is also true,” Bucky acknowledges with a nod, his gaze softening as he senses the rising panic in your voice. Your breath quickens, and your eyes widen, “Look, honey—” Bucky begins, his voice gentle and reassuring, but before he can finish, your words tumble out in a rush of desperation.

“Oh my god.” you gasp, leaning closer to Bucky, your voice barely above a whisper as you say your next few words, “Did we have sex?”

Bucky's laughter fills the air, a warm, affectionate sound that doesn't quite match the gravity of the situation. Your reaction is immediate, confusion and annoyance contort your features.

“It's not funny,” you insist, your voice tinged with frustration as you search his expression for answers.

“Honestly, honey, I couldn’t tell you.” Bucky replies with a shrug, his demeanor nonchalant despite your obvious distress.

“John,” you whine, the plea in your voice betraying your need for him to be serious and clarity of the situation. As your words dissolve into incoherent mumbles, Bucky reaches out, his hand gently squeezing yours in a gesture of reassurance.

“Hey, I’m sure nothing happened,” he interjects, making an attempt to alleviate your worries, “if we had sex, you probably wouldn’t be wearing anything right now.” Bucky adds, with a playful wiggle of his eyebrows and a smirk.

The implications of his words send a shiver down your spine, mingling with the warmth of his touch as you recall the kiss shared between the two of you the night before, “You kissed me last night.” you say with a hint of uncertainty, searching his face for confirmation.

“And you didn’t stop me.” Bucky counters, his gaze unwavering as he meets your eyes.

“Why would I?” you admit softly, “You’re all I think about.”

Bucky's smiles, that adorable smile that never fails to make your heart skip a beat. You watch as his gaze flickers to your lips and back up to your eyes. A giggle bubbles up from your throat, a nervous sound expressing your uncertainty of the moment.

“What?” you ask in response to Bucky’s wordless expression. Your heart pounds in your chest as he reaches out to tuck a stray hair behind your ear, before leaning in to whisper.

“I’m so in love with you.” Bucky confesses in your ear before leaning back with a wide smile, eager to see your reaction. A smile spreads across your face and you turn to slowly wrap your arms around his shoulders.

“If you don’t kiss me—”

Before you can finish, Bucky leans in, closing the distance between you, pressing his lips to yours. A hand holds your cheek, while the other rests on your waist, pulling you closer. He kisses you like he needs you and he knows he does. You melt into his touch, surrendering to the warmth and intensity of the kiss. Before you know it, you're straddling his lap, your hands tangling in his hair as you deepen the kiss.

“I love you more.” you murmur against his lips when you pull away and Bucky chuckles, his airy laugh fanning across your face.

“That’s not possible, honey.” he replies, his voice filled with adoration as he leans his forehead against yours.

“Why don’t you kiss me again and find out?” you tease, a playful glint dancing in your eyes, leaning in to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Yes, ma’am.” Bucky says with a grin before capturing your lips once more, sealing your love in a sweet, lingering kiss.

<3

masterlist . john "bucky" egan masterlist . taglist

thank you for reading, my darling! remember to like! reblog! and comment! i’ll give you a smooch if you do, ily! send requests to my inbox!

alwaysmoncheri © ─ all rights reserved. please do not repost/translate/copy any of my work.

[musings-of-a-college-dork]

Hear me out. HEAR ME OUT.

Some angst…but like fluff idk OKAY.

Say the reader and Eddie are in the upside down and the reader gets separated from everyone and is presumed dead, but had escaped through another way. Ya know all sad etc cause eddie thinks he’s lost his soulmate, but when the fundraiser at the end of the show happens it could be he’s placing posters up of them…then BOOM reader appears and it’s all tooth rotting fluff etc

I Thought I Lost You

Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

Word count: roughly 1.5K

Eddie lost his partner in the Upside Down and his friends convince him to put up a Missing Person flyer.

Warnings: SEASON FOUR SPOILERS, angstyyyy but fluffy at the end, mainly just spoilers, and serious divergence from canonical plotline

Author’s note: So sorry this one took me so long to write but I love a good piece of angst melted to fluff!

The past two days had felt like years. After the world had literally cracked open many citizens of Hawkins had begun evacuating but many stayed. They stayed out of hope. Hope that those they thought were lost may come back.

Eddie was one of those such people. When he had returned along with Dustin to meet up with the rest of the group, Steve was the one who had to gently break the news that Y/N…they had gotten separated and…well...

Presumed dead. Those had been the words people had been saying about them. About everyone who had been lost. Of course, Eddie knew it made sense. Most of the people missing had to be…but Y/N… He had been inconsolable. When Steve had broken the news there had been no reaction. None. None whatsoever. He hadn’t cried or yelled or broken down. He had just gone quiet which for Eddie was scarier than any of the other things combined. He knew they couldn’t go back to find them. He knew that. And so he had simply said nothing and shut himself away in what was left of the trailer without a word to another soul.

Dustin had come by the check on him a couple of times and each time Wayne said he wasn’t eating, sleeping, or speaking - he hadn’t even had any music on. Eddie truly felt like the world was crashing down. He couldn’t explain it but it was so much worse than when his mom had died. He was young then and it was a disease. There wasn’t anything he could do about it. But here. With Y/N. You could have been with them, his mind reminded him for the thousandth time, you could have stayed with them and not let them out of your sight. You could have protected them. But you didn’t. You had to go and play hero with Dustin. And now they’re dead because of you.

On top of all of that, people were still blaming him for the murders that had happened. The police had been by several times and had asked Wayne to speak to Eddie. Wayne had explained the situation and had begged for time. The department surprisingly gave him to his request and he figured it was solely because they had so many other things going on and Eddie truly hadn’t moved since the day of the split.

When Wayne told Eddie the police had been by, he hadn’t said a word. Merely nodded to Wayne and turned his focus back to the polaroids he had of Y/N, the same ones he had been flipping through for days as if looking at their photo would bring them back. And in that moment, Wayne felt fear. Fear because he realized without his soulmate, Eddie was starting to not care what happened to him. “I lost them,” He had told Dustin when the teen had finally coaxed him into speaking at Wayne’s insistence, “I lost Y/N, and now…Dustin, they were my world. What’s the point when my life has already been lost?”

After Dustin had told Steve about Eddie’s complete collapse, Steve had talked to Robin who had somehow managed to convince Eddie to come with her and Steve and Dustin to help out at the high school where everyone had basically created a shelter. Anyone who had lost their homes, or family members, or needed food, supplies, or medical attention was there. It was the bulletin board of Missing Persons Robin mentioned that was ultimately what convinced Eddie to go. Along with his friends, he had managed to create a missing poster for Y/N, convinced that maybe, maybe if he made the poster someone would find them and they'd come back to him. His friends had been silent as they helped him, knowing the chances of them coming back from the Upside Down were…well…

But he had done it anyway and it had gotten him out of bed and that in and of itself was something to be grateful for.

The nerves had boiled up in Eddie’s stomach as they had arrived at the high school. The four of them had taken Steve’s car along with a few boxes of items to donate - sheets, clothes, toys - and the flyer for Y/N. The drive had been silent and so was the walk in. Eddie tried his best to ignore the stares he received as the group passed by, holding his head up high…well as high as he could with the sinking feeling that had taken up permanent residence in his chest.

“Hey,” Robin had whispered when she watched him get caught up in his own mind. “We’re gonna put up the poster for Y/N, drop this stuff, and then we can go-”

“No,” he shook his head, “I…I want to stay. To…help.” She had gone silent after that and Steve and Dustin didn’t protest. As they walked in though, Eddie couldn’t keep his eyes from the missing person’s board. Dustin watched as his focus totally shifted, turning his attention to Robin and Steve.

“You two go on ahead,” Dustin said with a nod. The other two teens hesitated for a moment but Dustin shooed them along as Eddie continued to stare at the board.

“You wanna go put it up?” Dustin said as he looked at the flyer Eddie was clutching in his hand.

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, his voice barely audible, “But…” Dustin watched as his gaze shifted to the police officers.

“Eddie, man,” Dustin placed a hand on his DM’s shoulder, turning Eddie to face him, “You didn’t do it. You’re just gonna go over there and put up the flyer,” He still seemed unsure leading Dustin to sigh, “Here I’ll come with you. Ok?” Eddie nodded again and took a deep breath before following Dustin’s lead and heading over to the board.

“Uh hi,” Dustin greeted the officer who looked between him and Eddie for a moment but didn’t say anything, “We have a missing person poster to put up.” The officer eyed them both once more and went to say something before clearly thinking better of it.

“When did this person go missing?” The officer asked as he held his hand out for the poster. Eddie hesitated to hand it over but with some urging from Dustin, he did.

“The day of the earthquakes,” Dustin said, not quite sure what else to call them. “They were near one of the sites so…we…yeah.” The officer let out a little hum before turning his focus to the paper. His eyes narrowed as he squinted at the photo before they went wide.

“Something the matter?” Dustin asked, “Have you…do you know anything about-” The officer cut Dustin off with a point as he gestured to one of the medical stations. Dustin and Eddie both turned at the speed of light to find a figure sitting in a chair that the cop had pointed to. They were chatting with the nurse who seemed to be checking their vitals, a soft smile on their face as they seemed to make conversation. They looked worse for wear, still in the clothes they had been wearing when they went to the Upside Down. Bruises and scrapes as well as a ton of dirt littered their skin…but they were there. Dustin could watch all the blood drain out of Eddie’s face. It was like he had seen a ghost. And in Eddie’s mind, his fear was that he had.

“Y/N,” was all he said before he began to take slow steps toward the figure. They didn’t notice him as he approached but the nurse did, looking at him with a confused gaze. Y/N must have caught her glance as they turned to look and…

They had the same dumbfounded look. They took a moment to just stare at him, mouth opening and closing as he approached, step by step. This continued for a moment before they stood up on shaky legs as if they could have been blown away by the wind.

“Eddie?” They asked in a cautious tone, their voice shaking as they spoke.

“Oh my god,” he murmured before they were in his arms, holding them with everything they had in them.

“Eddie I thought-”

“But you were-”

“We lost-”

“Y/N we thought you-”

“I know but I was-”

“Where have you-”

“How is-”

The pair couldn’t form full thoughts and the nurse simply backed away to allow the pair a moment as tears brimmed in both of their eyes.

“Y/N, we thought you were…” Eddie couldn’t finish the thought as he felt Y/N squeeze him even tighter.

“I know,” they nodded as they pulled him in, “But I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

And Eddie knew they spoke the truth at that moment. He knew whatever came next was going to be a hard battle. The fight to prove his innocence wasn’t going to be easy. But with them by his side, his life and his soulmate restored, for the first time since Chrissy’s death, he thought he may have a fighting chance.

And she's done! Again so sorry this took so long but I hope it's sorta what you were looking for!!!!

[wonbriiize]

pairing; wonbin x reader

genre; fluff

warnings; none (? i think,, a kiss at the end tho)

note; it‘s my first time writing something like this but i tried my best,, let me know if there’s anything that i can do better next time !! + it‘s a bit long oops

one condition

in which you’re playing monopoly with your friends and everything is going well until wonbin, your best friend (who has a crush on you but you don’t know that) steals your money and runs away with it…

“i‘m buying this street!” sungchan announces while he takes out the street card from the box, not letting sohee do his job since he‘s supposed to be the bank and the person who gives out all the cards.

“hey, you need to pay for it first!”

“chill, here‘s your money,” sungchan throws it to sohee who starts counting it once he has it in his hands. “okay, it’s the right amount. *y/n* it’s your turn.”

you roll the dices and see that you have to take 10 steps. once you land on the final street, you decide to buy it since no one has done it. the second you want to grab your money, you notice that it’s not on the table. where did it go? you could have sworn that you’ve put it on the left side, right next to wonbin‘s bought streets.

wonbin is enjoying this whole situation because he knows exactly where your money is. he can’t hold himself back from snickering silently. sadly, his silent wasn’t quiet enough because your eyes wander over to wonbin. ”give me back my money!” he throws his arms up. ”who says that i have it?” ”oh, stop lying wonbin!”

you grab after his hands and search them. it’s not there.. but where is it then?

your eyes move towards the pocket of his sweatshirt and before you can grab into them, wonbin stands up and runs away.

he‘s not serious right now, is he? you think.

sungchan and sohee seem to be enjoying it since they’re laughing their asses off. you glare at them before you stand up and run after wonbin. knowing wonbin, he probably ran into his room. it’s his safe place.

“wonbin stop being so annoying and give it back!” you yell, running towards his room. once you arrive, you notice that his door is widely open. he should have closed it.

you walk into the room, looking around to find wonbin. thump! the door behind you closes. you turn around and see wonbin leaning against it with the biggest grin on his face, holding up the money in his hands. your money.

“this is so childish wonbin! just give it back.”

”come and get it yourself,” he grins.

glaring at him doesn’t help because his grin just keeps getting wider and wider while he’s stretching his arm up super high. launching yourself at him, you start holding down his upper body (which is very defined as you can feel) with one hand and with the other you’re trying to bring down the arm but it’s not working.

“guess you’re too short to reach it,” wonbin smirks.

“guess you can’t play a game without cheating,” you say and look at his face.

in this moment, you notice how close you both are standing to each other. his face is only a few inches apart and you stare at him, noticing not one single imperfection.

wonbin notices you staring which just makes him smile even more. that’s what he wants, he wants you this close to him, always. he has been wanting this since the day he saw you tripping over your own shoelaces and helped you up. this was the start of your friendship.

that was three years ago.

“okay, i‘m going to give it back to you,” he gives in. for him, it’s now or never. this is the perfect moment.

”as you should,” those words just come out of you like a whisper because you’re still so mesmerized by him. this is the first time you’ve ever been this close to wonbin and honestly, you don’t mind. you’re actually enjoying this.

”under one condition. we go on a date.”

”what?” this throws you offguard.

”i want to take you out on a date.”

”wait, why? so suddenly?”

wonbin takes his arm down so now you’re holding both of his shoulders. after realizing this, you let go.

”not suddenly. i have been wanting to ask you this since forever, i just never had the guts to do it.. until now,” wonbin scratches the back of his head, avoiding your gaze. this is the first time in the three years of friendship that you’ve seen him act like this.. so shy. it’s cute.

”basically all it took for you to ask me this was stealing my monopoly money, running away and luring me into your room. why not just.. ask?” now you’re finding this situation hilarious, but in a very good way.

“it’s funnier like that,” wonbin steps closer to you, the big smile being back on his face.

”so, *y/n*, will you go on a date with me?”

he looks directly into your eyes and it’s like he’s staring right into your soul, that’s how intense this feels. but you’re loving it. you’re feeling something weird in your stomach. maybe it’s those butterflies that everyone talks about when they have a crush on someone. you’re getting the urge to get more of this feeling.. more of wonbin.

“okay, i will,” you can’t hold back a little smile when you see how happy wonbin is after hearing this. ”under one condition,” you add and take a step closer to wonbin.

“i want you to kiss me,” you say, taking another step towards him.

wonbin starts smiling so brightly but once he notices that he’s losing his cool persona like that, he tries to hold it back a little.

“as you wish,” he says, closing the distance between the two of you.

when your lips touch, you feel chills all over your body. in the best way possible.

the feeling in your stomach only grows and grows the longer the two of you kiss.

yeah, you think. it’s definitely butterflies.

[writeroutoftime]

I saw that your requests are open so I wanted to ask if you could please do something with Jamie Tartt where the reader plays for Arsenal women’s team, and he and some of the lads go to watch the CL semi at the Emirates against Wolfsburg, the reader is playing everything is fine until she has a nasty tackle put on her and she tears her ACL and Jamie goes into protective bf mode and then try to comfort her because she's going to miss the world cup. Thank you so much 🩷

words: 0.9k

a/n: hey lovely anon, thanks for sending this my way! hopefully, this is what you were looking for - please enjoy!!

oOoOo

Jamie loved moments like this. When he was the one sat in the stands, surrounded by his mates, snack in his hand, and cheering for his favorite team. Well, more like cheering for his favorite player - you.

It was a tense match between Arsenal (your team, which Jamie's was proudly sporting a jersey for) and Wolfsburg. Jamie and the rest of Richmond were on their feet watching as you dribbled the ball down the field, so close to being able to take a shot on goal. But, at the last second, one of the opposing team’s defenders came swooping in and knocked you harshly to the ground.

Time seemed to stand still as Jamie watched you tumble, his arms outstretched, and your name on his lips. “Referee!” he cried out, like many other onlookers. It was moments like this that Jamie wished the players you went up against were a bunch of blokes he could pummel for hurting you. Yes, it was unrealistic to believe you would never get a bump or a bruise, but that didn’t mean it hurt Jamie any less when it happened.

But Jamie quickly realized this was much more serious than a simple shove, and blood rushed in his ear. It didn't matter though as there was nothing else to hear as the entire stadium fell silent when they noticed the way you clutched your knee to your body, not yet having jumped back to your feet.

The referee blew her whistle, and your coach and team physio came rushing onto the field, kneeling next to you. Even though he was up in the stands, Jamie watched the way your face contoured in shades of pain as the physio gentle poked and prodded your injury, trying to determine the extent of your injury. Jamie ached to storm the field and take your hand, but Issac’s grip on his shoulder kept him ground.

After what seemed like a lifetime, a stretcher was brought out and you were taken off the field to a storm of claps from the stadium. Though the match continued, Jamie pushed away from his teammates, throwing some mumble of a goodbye over his shoulder, and ran down to the locker room. He was stopped from bursting into the locker room but caught one of your coaches.

“Please, where is y/n? I need to see her.” Jamie begged, tears blurring his own vision. While, realistically, he knew you were going to be okay, the thought of you alone and in pain tore away at his heart.

“The ambulance is outside ready to take her to the hospital. She just asked me to come and find you.” your coach reported.

Barley seconds after finishing her second, Jamie tore off towards the parking lot and saw the opened ambulance, you laying in the back, tears streaking your cheeks. “Babe.” Jamie called out, jumping into the ambulance bay, ignoring the nearby EMTs.

“Jamie.” you whimpered, reaching a hand for him to take, knowing the weight of his presence was the only thing that could comfort you in that moment.

“What did they say, love? They gonna have to chop it off?” he teased, trying to lighten the situation and his carefully brushed away the tears.

The smallest shake of your head told him this was much more serious than a sprain or a bruised muscle. “T-they’re pretty sure it’s a torn ACL.” you whispered, burying your face into Jamie’s chest as much as the situation allowed.

“Oh, love.” Jamie said, holding onto you even tighter as the EMTs locked the ambulance doors and began to drive to the hospital.

There was nothing Jamie could think of to make this moment any better. With the World Cup only a few short months away, there was no hope you would be cleared to play by that time. One looked at you and Jamie could see all the self-destructive thoughts that ran through your head because he knew the same thoughts would be running through his if the roles were reversed. He also knew if the roles were reversed, you would have already thought of ten perfect things to say to Jamie and he knew he needed to speak out.

“Look at me, babe.” he encouraged, gently cupping your cheek in his hand. “This doesn’t make you any less of a fucking outstanding player. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, a supposedly outstanding player who’s gonna miss out on her one shot of playing in the world cup.”

Jamie frowned, hating to hear you talk about yourself that way. “What makes you think this was your only chance?”

“Don’t be dense, Jamie. I know I’m replaceable, and this is just the start.” you pouted.

“Or, you take this time, get better, go back out there, and show them what a fucking star you are.” he countered. “I know it, and I know you do too, deep down. This doesn’t have to be the end, y/n. You gonna come back from this and make sure everyone knows that y/n fucking y/l/n is a name they’ll never forget.” he tells you, so passionately you can see the sparkle in his eyes.

Your heart is flooded with warmth as his words wash over you. Unconsciouly, you snuggled deeper against Jamie, grateful for his presence. And it was then you knew that even if you never played again, it wouldn't matter as long as you had Jamie by your side.

[jellojelli]

Hi! I hope you’re well❤️

Would you mind writing how Luocha and Welt (and anyone else you want to include) would react to the reader seeming like they’re having a hard time but trying to hide it?

I crave the angst 🤌

*a/n: ah a fellow angst enjoyer*

Luocha

Luocha is an observant man, it comes with being a merchant he thinks. So he could easily see your late nights, the tower of responsibilities, and expectations slowly, but surely, consuming and crushing you under their weight. And no amount of I'm fine's and don't worry about it's were easing his concern for you

It was easy to see in your paling complexion, the bags under your eyes, and the overall feeling of exhaustion that surrounded you, that you were most definitely not as okay as you claimed to be. Luocha hates to be a worrywart about you, hates hovering and feeling like he's taking your freedom and peace away when he tries to subtly pester you about your health. But everyday that you keep your burdens to yourself and he sees you add more on, Luocha is closer to intervening and putting a stop to whatever it is that you're doing to yourself.

He hates that you’re not relying on him. Luocha thought he made it clear that he would always make himself available for you. Especially if you needed him to care for you or help when you couldn’t handle things anymore. He won’t say anything, again he hates hovering, but he wants you to run into his arms and admit you need help, that he can help you. But he lets it go so he doesn’t hurt your pride

It's only when he passes by your room one night that he realizes he should have stepped in the moment he noticed you overworking yourself

He could hear your broken sobs from behind the door to your room for the night. Luocha has never reacted so quickly than in that moment. He practically launched himself into the room and took you in his arms, his normally calm and placid demeanor gone as he tries to calm both you and himself down

He holds you as close as he can to himself, stroking your back to try and calm your cries. His heart hurts as you choke out sobs and small apologies. When you finally calm down he pulls away just enough to grab a tissue to help clean you up

Luocha will take it upon himself to nurse you back to health and finally let go of his hesitance and step in to stop you on your path to self destruction. He will be incredibly straightforward with you after you've had a good nights rest and a proper breakfast. He's deadly serious when he says you are going to rest up and not do a single chore, errand, or anything regarding work until he, a somewhat medical professional, deems you healthy enough to go back. And if you even try to lift a finger Luocha will wrestle you back into the bed and monitor you until you learn to take it easy

Luocha also makes you promise two things to him. No more taking on more than you realistically can, and no more trying to hide your pain and struggles from him. He wouldn't know what he would do if you ever got seriously ill because of your habits, or aeon's forbid, pass out or collapse because of it. He's sure he can nurse you back to health, but he would rather have his lover always healthy and never be in a situation where he has to see you in such a way

Welt

Welt is also quite the observant man. I'd even say he is the most observant man when it comes to those closest to him. He can see that you're struggling with something. The last planet you adventured on with the express seemed to have taken it's toll on you mentally and physically, but even at the time you claimed that it was nothing and wouldn't let himself or anyone else on the express examine you or look into your mental health.

It was really worrying him as he saw just how bad your condition had become now. You looked sick, you were often sick these days too. Often not leaving your room after you moved back into it so Welt wouldn't get sick too. He could see you were thinning out, you weren't sleeping because of nightmares, but you just kept going like nothing was wrong. You kept smiling at everyone, doing your duties, helping Pom Pom manage the express, and helping with whatever you could when you weren't busy doing something else

I say Welt would let this go on for about a month. A month of hoping that you would come to him before you got worse, a long month of watching you slowly becoming a shell of yourself. He has to step in, it's in his nature, and not only that you are his lover, his one and only, he can't let this go on another second. Even if that means he has to corner you and treat you like a child or a cornered animal to get you to talk to him.

He would very casually ask you to come with him and lead you to his room, your supposed to be shared room, and sit you down. Welt, with his years of wisdom and compassion, tells you to confide in him like he does you, that he will do whatever he can to make you feel better, feel safer, but he has to know what happened so that he can help, because he wants to help you

Once the tears start Welt will guide you to the him and hold onto you until you calm down, listening to your every word and reassuring you with gentle squeezes and soft kisses to your head. He stays silent the whole time you talk, only speaking when he's sure you've let it all out. He will make sure you know that he's going to fix whatever the issue is and make sure you are the most comfortable you've ever been

Please know that he is using his authority to make you get plenty of bed rest, in your shared room, and that if you need anything at all, even if it seems silly, that you will call him at any hour of the day to come and help you

Gepard

Gepard is a bit slow on noticing your struggles. He is observant, you can't make it to Captain of the Silvermane Guards without being good at observing and making logical and smart decisions. But, because he's captain of the guards, he's never home to see you or how much you're struggling with life in the overworld. He doesn't notice how lonely you've been and how depression has taken it's hold on you since he's been away

It takes a call from Serval and several concerned and disbelieving paragraphs from Lynx before he realizes that he's been away and blind to your problems for longer than he should've been. You can bet he feels like a piece of garbage on his way back to you and begging the Aeons that you wouldn’t leave him for neglecting you like he had

When he enters your shared home he expected to see you maybe moping, lacking energy, and maybe even seeing that you hadn’t been getting sleep since he’s been gone. He wasn’t expecting to see you crying you heart out in the kitchen with your head in your hands. Gepard can feel his heart literally breaking in two

Gepard has never removed his armor more quickly than in that moment. You can bet as soon as the chest piece is off he’s crushing you to his chest and letting a string of apologies fall from his mouth. He’s cursing himself, apologizing, and almost begging you to forgive him for not being there for you or asking someone to check up on you

When he’s done rambling and you stop crying he’ll take a good look at you. He can see it in your eyes how lonely you’d been and how hard it’s been on you since coming to live in the city with him. He feels so bad and like a monster for not being there for you when you needed him the most. Gepard will promise to spend more time with you and properly introduce you to the city he loves.

And he is a man of his word. It causes quite the uproar in the Silvermane Guards and with his family that Gepard, a man who didn’t seem to know what a break even was, took time off of work to be at home with you

[pansy-picnics]

Sorry but your recent artwork has me thinking about parent Varigo and I have to dump my thoughts somewhere. I feel like, if they actually had a kid it would be really emotional for them but in different ways. Varian finds out he’s pregnant and is a little scared at first, but he actually adjusts to the idea pretty fast and is excited about it, because he’s in a good place now and has a good support system. He doesn’t have to worry about his family judging him, he knows they’ll still see him for who he is. Hugo on the other hand is terrified. But not because he doesn’t wanna be a dad, he’s pretty excited about that, he’s just really scared that Varian is going to get sick from the pregnancy, or that the whole experience is gonna be too much for him. He feels like this is just another thing he’s “putting Varian through” because he’s still not quite over the guilt of his betrayal years ago, and now it’s coming back to haunt him. They work it out of course and Hugo realizes that it’s gonna be okay and that he also can depend on Varian’s family for support because they’re his family too. Now I’m emotional. Anyway I love your art <3

AUGHHHH YEAH YEAH THIS IS SO REAL!!!!! i love plots like that fr, their characters are so fun to explore😭😭😭 Honestly? i think in the right circumstances hugo could be a deadbeat dad. like he could just straight up leave bc he’s paranoid varian or the kid would get hurt or he’d put them in danger or something. he’s the kind of guy who’s always Running! like i could think of scenarios where he’d run away on their wedding day too. those are both horrible extremes SORRY FOR THE ANGST I JUST THINK IT’S NEAT.

i think hugo’s always WANTED a family but its something she’s always viewed as unachievable, mostly bc of the shitty living situation hes been in for most of his life. she could barely survive on her own and she’d never want to drag someone else into that yk? and she’s still scared of that commitment even after she moves into the castle, bc what if she DID have a kid and then something happened and she couldn’t take care of them anymore, or she ends up on the streets again….and what if she just ends up abandoning them? what if she’s no better than the parents she never even knew? it’s like, obviously she wouldn’t do any of those things or be in those situations but she has….a Lot of anxiety around it for sure. but i also think that she tries to adopt literally every orphan she and varian see. she LOVES kids as much as she pretends she doesn’t and its very obvious….she just hasn’t really had the privilege to be able to think about it until now.

varian…i think he goes either way, he doesn’t really plan to have kids but he’ll kinda learn to adjust to whatever, he’s also just a very family oriented guy so he’s definitely not opposed to that kind of role. in my head they usually adopt bc i think varian like, Hates anything related to the human body at all so even disregarding the gender dysphoria pregnancy is SO gross to him. idk why i just think he’s silly like that. hell make bombs and poisonous chemicals but he remembers people have organs and he wants to throw up. i’m not opposed to the idea of them having biological kids at all though…especially considering all the art i’ve already drawn for it’s us against the world LOL. personally i think even if he weren’t opposed to the idea he’d be miserable the entire time, and not even like in a serious way necessarily he’s just REALLY mad that he can’t work in the lab anymore. he’s pissed about EVERYTHING, actually. he’s bored and he’s tired and he can’t work and he feels like shit and he doesn’t really have any other hobbies either. his whole life and routine has been completely fucked over for nine months and SURE he loves the kid and he’s excited but like why does it need to be in there that long. why can’t it just come from the stork or something. 🙄/j

i think he might pick a few fights with hugo bc of it, just because he’s so overwhelmed and emotional and doesn’t know how to handle it, but hugo’s really understanding; also they’ll honestly take any kind of treatment from him because they’re like, “Yeah i probably deserved that”. which varian does NOT like btw and always gets on his ass later to stick up for himself more while also in tears apologizing for yelling at him

idk i just think them as parents would be Sooo silly. neither of them have any clue what they’re doing. dude if those two had a baby? Dude can you imagine? varian’s sooo fucking sheltered i think he’s only interacted with like, 2 babies in his entire life. quirin stays with them for tje first few weeks bc varian literally just has NO clue what he’s doing and is crying to him all the time. and hugo like, has an idea of what to do but he’s also SUPER paranoid. they’re both just staring at the kid while they sleep not so much out of adoration but because they’re just terrified they’ll stop breathing at any moment. you cant convince me that either of them know how to change a diaper. They’re gonna bring out like full lab gear. like the gag where the dads will pull out full hazmat suits for the diaper change. That’s them idc

ruddiger is also SO protective of their kids from the moment they’re born, like he jumps up into the crib and snuggles up with them and they always IMMEDIATELY stop crying. olivia is the opposite. she’s kinda like a toddler who just got a new sibling she didn’t want. shes pissed that she isn’t getting hugo’s full attention and keeps being a brat about it. hugo’s just trying to calm down his baby and olivias glaring at him while she’s about to push a glass off the table

yeah idk i. have a lot of thoughts abt them too they’re so beloved to me

[panikkar]

thinking about how the three of the biggest relationships in bucks life are pretty significantly tied to helicopters/helicopter crashes,,, (partially inspired by this post by @maygrcnt)

taylor kelly: met her when her news helicopter crash. not the first person he seriously dated but definitely is the most serious romantic relationship he had yknow. can’t forget the whole couch metaphor arc.

eddie: i mean it’s pretty self explanatory but eddie’s helicopter crash when he was in the army caused him to be discharged and forced to be reliant on his family again, which is what made him move to la, where, of course, he met buck. they’re literally thee most important person in each others lives. they’re besties. coparents (when the only help eddie’s had as a coparent is shannon, who left (no hate to her it’s complicated shit and she did die but still she did), and his parents, who were controlling and not what either of them needed and also just generally really shitty to eddie at the time (ESPECIALLY re his parenting). and then buck comes along and like within a year he’s like i trust you with my life and my son and my sons life! after everything!! and puts buck as chris’ legal guardian in his will—) n e ways yeah that but also eddie’s ptsd related to the whole helicopter crash incident was super significant later in their relationship too bc eddie was at his lowest point (a place he’d been before but back then, his wife left him and his parents actively made everything worse instead of helping) and buck just like. steps in WITH eddie and gives him what he needs and like takes care of eddie and chris in they way they both need instead of forcing them into what he thinks they need like eddie’s parents did. yeah. and eddie actually did some healing then unlike the last time. so eddie is easily the most important and serious and intimate (like platonically but also Not) relationship buck has ever had, more so than any of bucks gfs.

and then tommy comes around!!! a fuckin helicopter pilot. he and buck first meet not necessarily in a helicopter crash but in a helicopter. in an emergency situation. and they draw SO MANY parallels between tommy and eddie and taylor (he and eddie have a lot in common like with the whole army and martial arts stuff and they get really close really fast and then BUCK HIMSELF drawing the taylor parallels. literally biting at my enclosure.) and wow! look at that! they kiss (and soon start a relationship) and tommy is literally not only the first man buck has ever kissed, but also the catalyst for buck realizing he’s bi. (or, at least, that those feelings bucks had for men in the past (cough cough eddie) are like mushy romantic/sexual/Very Not Platonic things.) literally even if they just kissed that once and had no relationship past that it’s still a massively impactful (non)relationship for buck!!!

and somehow. somehow the most important relationships in bucks life are all connected to helicopter crashes/emergencies. and they’re only characters who have such big connections to said helicopter crashes/emergencies. and they all have relationships that are incredibly important and impactful to buck. this is literally canon.

[riddle-me-ri]

Well, your last NSFW alphabet gave me the idea that I will not give up NSFW alphabet with BTAS Scarecrow ^^ Keep it up, you write well

a/n: asdfgh thank you so much! And another NSFW alphabet in the books, like I said with HQTAS Scarecrow, I was working on this one as well and it’s finally done lol. I will say while these seem simple to do, it’s actually fairly time consuming and hard to come up with answers sometimes, so sorry if it seems like I repeated anything lol may need to take a break from these lol

Content Warning: minor sexual content including; mention of various kinks (bdsm/mirrors), jacking off, sex positions, and genitals.

BTAS Scarecrow - NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Jonathan is exhausted. His pale skin is flushed red. Jon’s heart is still pounding but he’s in absolute bliss. He’s also very…sentimental as he realized how lucky he is to have a partner.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Jonathan has never exactly been a fan of his body. He never quite cared for his physique as he does his brain…he supposes if had to chose one it would likely be his diligent and ambidextrous hands. 

For his partner, his favorite body part may also be their hands. Just even the slightest touch from them seems to put his body at ease. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Jonathan is rather indifferent to it, especially his own. Whenever he found himself giving in to touching himself he found it to be a nuisance to clean when he was finished. However, with a partner he has learned to appreciate it more, especially how it falls and covers their partner’s face or fills them up to where some spills out. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

While Jonathan won't admit it and he hopes his partner will never find out…but he has definitely undressed his partner or who he is interested in with his eyes. As well as fantasized with what his eyes have imagined. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Jonathan is aware of sex and what it entails. However, knowing and doing are two entirely different things. He isn’t very experienced at all, he has a notion of what to do…but doesn’t have the experience or confidence to fully commit. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Jon is fairly vanilla at first and is pretty comfortable with missionary for the most part but he can be open to cowgirl/cowboy especially if his partner is in a particular mood to dominate him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He is a fairly serious person in general. Not wanting to make a fool of himself and I feel the same would go for the bedroom. However, if he is comfortable with a partner, you can find him teasing or chuckling if things get awkward. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Extremely well-groomed, with a decent bush. He has a small hint of a happy trail just above his belly button and pubic hair is a slightly darker auburn color.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Jonathan is very intimate. It goes hand in hand with his seriousness for the situation at hand. Every sexual encounter with his partner, planned or not, is a testament to his love for them which means adoring them from the beginning, middle, and end.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Much like with his experiments with others fears, whenever Jonathan jacks off he lets his imagination run wild. He has masturbated in his youth, but more or less as a means to be rid of his hard on. When he has a partner, he often resorts to this when he’s away from them in Arkham and often imagines them while doing it. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise, some bdsm, especially with ropes/restraints, (I dunno why, but I pin several Scarecrows being into tying up their partner or vice versa), and mirrors (he enjoys observing his partner moreso than anything, almost like a test subject in a way) 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Jon is more comfortable to do the deed in the confines of either his, his partner’s, or the shared home of him and his partner. He knows there’s a slim chance of being caught or interrupted and he gets to take his time. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Nothing motivates him more than his partner praising him. Telling him how smart he is, how powerful he has and can be with his fear gas…how it turns them on to be so close to such an influential figure. The way they touch him, caress him, squeeze his shoulders, arms, and lower appendages. It leaves him an absolute yearning mess every time. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Jonathan is definitely one of the Scarecrows that isn’t into the idea of having his partner under the influence of fear toxin. The idea of hearing his partner screaming and crying in fear…makes Jonathan shudder in discomfort. Even if you were to ask for it as a means of experimenting–it’s a hard no for him. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

At first, Jonathan isn’t all that skilled in giving, much like how he isn’t exactly skilled in sex in general. However, with enough guidance and patience from his partner, he gets to learn what renders his partner speechless. He does prefer recieving moreso though, he’s not used to having so much attention on him and he relishes in it. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Jonathan usually opts for a more slow and sensual pace, he feels it’s less chaotic and doesn’t entirely enjoy the idea of rushing something so intimate and pleasurable.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not very often, Jon doesn’t want to make mistakes and he wants to take his time and enjoy this intimate moment with his partner. He does understand the…neccessity of relief however, and if his partner manages to talk him into it, he can be up for it. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Jon is content with a rather vanilla sex life, occassionally drabbling in some kinks like bondage or mirrors, but he isn’t crazy about taking too many risks. Risks leaves room for error and mistakes to be made. He will need a lot of reassurance and motivation from his partner that come what may, it won’t change the dynamic or turn them off from him. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Jonathan could go for a couple rounds, with three likely being the max just do to not being quite used to the physical toll. It will take some time to build his stamina, but with experience and practice he can last a couple of hours.   

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Jonathan doesn’t own any toys nor use them. If he does, it’s likely through his partner, and nine times out of ten his partner uses those toys on Jonathan. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

While Jonathan tries to tease, his partner is likely the one that’s the most unfair. He tries to hold himself together and not give into his partner’s cruel teasings, but he isn’t always successful. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Jonathan isn’t very loud at all. The few sounds he does make are soft and shaky, like his whimpers or deep pants. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Jonathan has had a crush and fantasized about another faculty member during his time at Gotham University. He’s under the impression that the member didn’t know and once he took on the Scarecrow alias the feelings dissipated. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Given his tall and lanky stature, I’d imagine the same would go for his cock. It may not be the thickest or girthest, but it is long and has prominent veins alongside it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Fairly normal, unless he’s been away at Arkham for a considerably long time. He gets more irritable, frustrated, and forlorn. Absence absolutely makes the heart grow fonder, and makes him yearn for his partner more and more every day they’re apart. Whenever he finally does manage to escape it’s like a pot boiling over and he no longer just wants his partner it’s a need.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Jonathan dozes off rather quickly, albeit he doesn’t always mean to. He tries to stay conscious long enough to be present for his partner if needed, but if it’s been a while or a particularly intense session, he’s likely to fall asleep quickly.

[cupidjyu]

hi there! i have a request for you 🤗 could you write something about eating late night ramyeon in the dorm w eric and trying to stay quiet to keep the members from waking up but failing? tysm have a lovely day╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

step after step

eric x reader (request!! have a lovely day too!)

genre: sneaky late night ramen eating, slow dancing, falling down LOL, tbz member cameos, angry sunwoo notes: LOL this prompt is so funny yet so cute, it definitely fits erics chaotic sort of vibe, especially when he would always drop his food on lives ... word count: 0.7k

“this flavor isn’t even spicy!” eric exclaimed, slurping up the ramyeon loudly from its bowl. you immediately panicked, pressing a finger to his lips to silence him. the light flickered, making you flinch as you looked around to make sure none of his fellow members would be disturbed.

he stared at you with wide, surprised eyes. “if you wanted me to kiss you, you could have said so,” he stared dumbly. 

you smacked him on the shoulder, glaring at him like he was the most ridiculous boyfriend in the world. “no, it’s because the rest of the members are asleep! keep quiet.” then, with a tissue, you wiped his lips, making him stare at you like he was lovesick. which he is. 

“ah,” he nodded in realization before smiling secretly. “so we’re like spies?”

“we’re literally just eating ramyeon.”

“same thing,” he muttered, scowling. “and how’s your ramyeon?” he asked, whispering quietly this time.

“pretty good,” you whispered back. he giggled, thinking that this whole situation was funny. and then he was quiet. he set his chin in the palm of his hands, staring at you with tender eyes. he was watching you eat, making you feel a bit shy. “can you not stare?”

“not when you look so cute like this,” he tilted his head like an innocent puppy, making you stammer. “with your cute sweater, your cute hair, and your cute face…”

“eric…” you were speechless as you tried to cover your face with your hands.

“i’m so serious right now,” he whispered. you batted him away with your hands, making him smile charmingly. as he waited for you to finish your own food. when you were done, he stood up, looking at you lovingly. “wanna slow dance?”

you stared at him for a bit before laughing, “but we can’t put music on or they’ll wake up.”

“who needs music?” he jested, shrugging playfully. and so he took your hand in his, leading you to the middle of the kitchen where there was the most space. the yellowish light illuminating the room and the dirty dishes in the sink weren’t romantic at all but you didn’t care. as long as you were with him.

“step after step…” he murmured, gently leading you around, across the floor as his large hand rested on your waist and his other hand’s fingers were intertwined with yours. it was quiet, with only the sound of your pulse and the shuffling of your feet. it was peaceful. you felt your heart thump as he grasped your hand so, so gently, and as he smiled down at you like he would do anything for you.

“you lead now,” he smiled. you tried but ended up stumbling over his feet. with a yelp, he tried to catch you but failed miserably, instead making the two of you fall, with you on top of him.

“ow,” he winced.

“i-i’m sorry!” you panicked, trying to get off as quickly as you could but his hands fell back to your waist, keeping you still. you blushed at the sudden contact and he was about to say something when sangyeon, jacob, and sunwoo walked in, rubbing their eyes sleepily. you glanced at the time. it was two in the morning. 

and then their eyes widened at the sight of you on top of him as he lay on the floor in slight pain.

“what’s going on here…” sangyeon questioned, eyeing the both of you weirdly. you scrambled to explain but were interrupted by sunwoo storming closer. his hair was messy and he looked incredibly grumpy.

“you!” he exclaimed. “can’t you keep it down a bit?”

“aw but,” jacob cooed, smiling sweetly. “they’re so cute!”

“they’re lying on the kitchen floor,” sangyeon deadpanned, his expression not mad, but still exhausted.

eric groaned, covering his face with red cheeks.

“this is embarrassing,” he avoided eye contact with you. “all i wanted to do was spend more time with you…”

“maybe if you stopped slurping your ramyeon…” you teased.

“that was a one-time thing!”

you could only giggle, pinching his cheek. jacob couldn’t help but coo at the two of you once more much to sunwoo’s despair.

“they’re so cheesy,” sunwoo complained.

“like you’re any better..."

[kustas]

Sorry for the incoming long rant.

I just rediscovered your blog, and I always enjoyed your thoughts on WHA and wanted to rant a little bit. I found a post of yours talking about how WHA is getting less nuanced and I feel the same way. I feel like in an effort to make every character feel like a person, the manga treats everyone’s issues as if they’re on the same level. I’m not sure if that entirely makes sense, but it feels like the manga is trying to make you sympathize with everyone to some extent, even though that doesn’t really work. For example, there is a chapter that pissed me off so much that I had to put the manga on pause. It’s the chapter where Coco shows off a spell that can clean water, and the townspeople are uninterested because they don’t need it. And the moral of the chapter is that Coco should make her spell for everyone. No. No no no. These people need to learn some damn compassion and realize that they need to help end what suffering that they are able to. The moral of the chapter should’ve been that these people need to stop thinking of only themselves. Everything else was aimed at them, so Coco’s spell didn’t need to be for them. It shouldn’t have been for them. There is also the situation with the knights. You went into this already but who gives a shit if they are offended by a grieving husband taking out his anger in them when they are a part of the system that caused his grief. The manga wants you to sympathize with everyone, and while I don’t think these people should be one dimensional their issues should not be treated on the same level as others. Anyway, sorry for the weird long rant, it’s just everyone treats this manga like it is The Most Flawlessly Progressive Manga Ever and your one of the few I’ve found who acknowledges is flaws without devaluing its strengths

Thank you for your ask! I agree with what you're saying and think you worded it very well. It's a bit of a shame it's so rare to find people openly critiquing the series in the community, while it's nothing serious (and minimized by being a bit of a hermit, lol) I've seen some animosity for doing it, I assume because many assume critiquing art means you don't like it or are opposed to what it's trying to do! Which isn't true. Granted Witch Hat Atelier contains many an obvious fantasy metaphor for real life social issues it should be under more scrutiny than normal if you ask me, because those are serious topics that affect people's real lives. I do have faith in the author's serious handling of touchy topics, but in the execution there are things I'd do differently for sure...

The manga wants you to sympathize with everyone, and while I don’t think these people should be one dimensional their issues should not be treated on the same level as others.

WHA has in its writing strong expectations from the reader regarding how you think of its cast I find hard to read through a lot - the latest arc in particular, comparatively, has much of its character based moments revolve around if they're good or bad in a way that implies it'll change how you think of a character and it disturbs me. Qifrey and Sasaran are two early examples of characters that do *not* play into that - Qifrey's beginning arcs simultaneously show him as a shady manipulator and genuinely good teacher who betters the life of his students, and it participates so much to the dramatic tension. Sasaran is a villain of the week who while shown to be a huge cunt, has a backstory that implies his original motives were not nefarious ones, and his life was not easy.

Compare this to a character like Dean who, as much as I'm a fan of his concept, falls rather flat because he's, depending on the chapter, pushed as good/bad to the reader, regarding his moral alignment. Characters who are just meant to be despicable don't have the same level of attention placed to their writing which is a similar issue. It feels insecure, like if the story was saying: we have those important characters, their role is to bring up difficult situations, please don't hate them, like them, see, they're nice too! And giving them chosen positive traits. People don't work like that and it feels cheap. Fandom's obsession with villains should show well a character being despicable doesn't make them unlikeable, and I'd like WHA's characters to be less "good"/"likeable" myself to make them a bit more human. This would detonate a fandom nuke given I still regularly see passionate debates about how mean and terrible characters like Agott or Custas are but hey

As for priorities in the depicted suffering of characters in universe - yeah, it's true some scenes feel a bit off in that department...the water cleaning scene you mention did not rub me the wrong way too hard, because it's centered around Coco, who's our main character, the story bending to give her a central role makes sense, and her unique position in witch society and how it relates to helping others are, with the responsibilities of witches, very important to the story. The apprentice backstories are an earlier example I had trouble taking too seriously because while they're all terrible, tiny silly Riche and her brother's experience with physical child abuse felt drawn with the same intensity as Agott being pushed to mental disarray by her rich fancy perfectionist family. It's all hard to complain about and might sting less if the writing was a bit less dramatic and preachy, but that might just be a me issue, I've seen many fans praise WHA's writing wholeheartedly, so...

What I am hoping is that the latest arc will conclude and lead to the shorter previous structure and we'll get individual attention brought to character stories, one after the other, instead of the all at once formula going on right now... We'll see!

[sednonamoris]

violence and timing

Pairing: John Price x gn!reader

Summary: Price is captured by Makarov’s men. It’s difficult to grapple with your feelings for him while mounting a rescue operation - thankfully you learned from the best.

Warnings: Torture + waterboarding (not intensively detailed), canon-typical violence, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, strong language, not really a warning but dual POV

Word count: 2,526

A/N: Takes place after call off the dogs (and come home to me) and let me love the lonely out of you, but you don’t have to have read either for this to make sense!! You can also find this story on AO3

—

Price has always had a knack for knowing things he shouldn’t.

When he was a little boy he knew something in their house scared his mother despite the brave face she put on. As a young man he knew there was an ugly price to pay to keep the world right despite what everyone said on the news. Right now, he knows he’s being held underground despite his captors’ best efforts to disorient him. Knows there’s one light source in this room despite the bag over his head. Knows his team will come for him despite their inevitable orders not to. 

No one fights alone, he can hear their voices chorus.

But he is alone, behind enemy lines and waiting for the creak of rusty hinges to signal the next round of torture. It’s been mostly waterboarding, so far - nothing creative. His stoic silences and rasped insults have been met with poorly concealed impatience and base violence. Apparently Makarov never bothered to tell his men that you can’t break someone who’s already broken; They’ll get nothing from him. Bloody amateurs.

If anything, he’s more occupied with the frustration that these people managed to get the drop on him at all. He could’ve kicked himself the second he realized exactly how many of them were swarming his overwatch position, but at least it was him and not his team. Not Ghost, who’s been through enough hardship already. Not Gaz, so young and burning so bright. Not Soap, with enough heart for all of them and then some. Not Hound, who—

Not Hound. 

Anyone but Hound. 

He lets himself wonder, distantly, wistfully, if he’ll ever get to see that fierce face he’s grown to love so much again. Then the door screams open. Heavy footsteps approach. His captors laugh and exchange cruel jabs in Russian. A faint, grim smile twists his lips before they pull the hood off. 

—

These have been the worst seventy-two hours of your life. Too long for a hostage, but still not enough time to separate you from seeing Price brutalized by Makarov’s men, from hearing the sickening crunch as his audio cut out over comms, from watching helplessly while they carried him away from you.

“Hound, get everyone out of--!” plays in your head on a loop. The desperation, the fear, the crack in his voice as he shouted those words as loud as his wartorn lungs could. You nearly took Ghost’s head off for holding you back upon hearing them. 

His last words.

You hope to God they’re not his last words. Setting your jaw, you promise yourself that they won’t be. 

“You doing alright, mate?” Gaz asks. His voice is so much softer than usual. Serious. 

“No.” The admission burns on your tongue. “We need to move fast if we don’t want to be bringing home a bleedin’ body bag.” 

He clasps a warm hand to your shoulder and squeezes. “Cap’s tough. We’ll get him back in one piece.” 

You offer a nod, but can’t bring yourself to say anything more. Pulling anything out of you has been like pulling teeth since he was taken. 

After explaining the bare bones of the situation, Nik agreed to pilot you all out to where Price is being held - some abandoned gulag in The-Middle-of-Fucking-Nowhere, Russia. Anything for a friend, Tserber, he’d said over the phone, and you could have cried in relief. The helo ride has been uncharacteristically quiet. Even Soap struggles to lighten the mood. 

The Russian landscape passes beneath you, snow-capped forests and wide open tundra in turn. You find yourself wondering if he’s cold, of all things. Trapped in some tiny cell, no food or water, certainly nothing to ward off the subzero temperatures of an unheated, underground facility.

Fuck.

You both knew that being together would cause more problems than it solved, at the end of the day, but you’ve never taken a moment to consider how strange your circumstances truly are until now. Most people worry about their partners driving in slippery conditions getting back from the grocery store - something dangerous, sure, but also achingly mundane. Here you are worried about yours overnighting as a hostage in an off-the-grid prison facility. 

Nik sets down three klicks out, give or take. Hoofing it to Price will be the easy part. You just have to hope he can make the trek back. There’s a small comfort in knowing that any one of you would rather carry him the whole way than leave him behind. 

Nik makes a move to grab a gun but you stop him with a shake of your head. “We need you here on stand-by so we can take off straight away. I’ll radio you the moment we have him.”

His eyes soften a fraction at the look on your face. “Good luck, my friend.”

“Spasibo,” you offer a grim smile, then turn to face the rest of your team. Their somber faces are turned to you, waiting. “We’ve got a hike ahead of us, lads, and a load of cunts waiting to get their brains blown out. Silencers on every gun, knives when you can - let’s keep this quiet as long as possible. When we breach I want radio silence ‘til someone grabs Price.”

“Hound and I will go for the Captain,” Ghost adds. “Johnny, Gaz, you two keep the exit clear. Anything goes wrong, you bail and head back to Nikolai. Hound and I will sort out alternative exfil if needed. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“Rog’,” they chorus. They won’t bail, you know, or at the very least they’ll put up a fight, but they both know better than to argue that right now.

You nod gratefully towards them all before heading out. It’s a long, cold journey ahead and you need to haul ass if you’re going to get in and out before nightfall.

—

“Tell us what you know!” The demand is punctuated with a heavy blow across his face.

Price bares his teeth through a mouth full of blood. “Fuck you.”

“Let me say again,” his captor leans down close to his face with violence on his breath. “You will tell us what you know, SAS. It might be now, it might be later, but I will get it out of you.”

He doesn’t speak another word, but the unmasked hatred written across his face says everything.

—

It’s easy for you and Ghost to slip into a deadly rhythm after working together so long. Crouch, sneak, crunch; slow, fast, slice. His throwing knives whisper death into the cracked concrete halls. Your longer close-combat ones sing an old, bloody song in tandem when you sink them into enemy soldiers - each just one more obstacle between you and Price. You let them bite into the soft flesh between armor plating, right at the junction where their neck meets their shoulder, and think about the way John kisses you there in soft morning light, his whiskers ticklish, his sleepy smile pressed into your skin. 

The prison is in bad shape. Metal bars on cramped cells are composed more of rust than iron, flaking off in a toxic shade of orange-brown. The floor is sturdy concrete but even it has seen better days. Bloodstains. Miscellaneous debris. Most of it looks old, at least a decade just sitting and wasting. There are newer scuff marks in the dust, fresher blood that leads you down, down, and further down the echoing halls. You try not to think about the struggle Price must have put up. Or worse, if he hadn’t put one up at all - the drag of his unconscious body behind masked men; faceless, nameless thugs working to further Makarov’s sick machinations. 

“We should have found him already,” you mutter.

“Easy, Hound. Can’t be far now.” Simon’s reassurance is about as kind as it gets from him, especially in the field. Your frayed nerves must be getting to him. 

It’s reasonable, though, to be so worried. At least to your mind; You should have encountered more resistance. A handful of soldiers are hardly the force you’d expected to reckon with, and the only other place they might be is wherever Price is, doing all manner of terrible things to get information out of him that you know he’ll never give up. Not for anything. 

Then you find the basement staircase.

You creep down silent as the grave. When you tuck yourselves into cover, scant though it is, each breath is kept deep and quiet so the guards ahead don’t hear.

Simon signals the plan of attack, but so close to the objective - to Price - it’s all peripheral. Distantly, you’re aware of your body lurching forward at his mark, but over the roar in your ears you can hear no sound and past the tunnel of your vision you see only red. 

—

Price chokes and gasps for breath. He takes his mind far, far away from the water pouring over his face. Lists through rifle specs like a soldier, then sheep like a child. 

He wants it to stop.

He knows it won’t. 

Then something bursts through the door with all the force of a hurricane and it does.

—

“Drop your fucking weapons!”

“Put your bloody hands up, now!”

You hit them so hard and so fast that not one has a chance to reach for his weapon. The few that were holding them already either obey your shouted commands on instinct or are so cowed by disbelief they forget what’s in their hands before you have them dead on the ground. 

“Clear,” Simon sounds relieved when the last one drops. 

Amidst the carnage, Price sits tied to a metal folding chair. It’s directly beneath a single, swinging lightbulb that emits a frantic and fluttering fluorescence. His hands and feet are bound, too-tight and raw, and even in bad lighting you can see his face is beat to a bloody pulp. It’s all you have time to register before you fly forward to cut the bonds and cradle his face in your hands. 

Blue eyes blink through the water and the blood and the confusion that clumps his eyelashes to drink in your features with pain and wonderment. 

“Hound,” he rasps. “How—?”

“Violence and timing.” Your grin is a savage punctuation of the statement, too-wide and speckled with his captors’ blood. “Now let’s get you out of here.”

—

Past his initial rescue his mind is lost to a fog of pain, but even through that Price remembers the musicality of your voice cussing out the entire hospital staff for not being ready for him. He tries to laugh but it only comes out a painful wheeze. 

—

You hate hospitals almost as much as hospitals hate you. The staff all either shrink away or glare when they see you on your way to monopolize Price’s visiting hours each day. If they just did their jobs maybe you wouldn’t have to fight with them so often, but there’s always something.

His room is too cold. Blankets too few. It’s cramped. Dark. Don’t they know he just came from a place like that? And how would they like to wake up to a dark, miserable little room, huh? And would it kill them to open the blinds and let some fucking sunlight in, little that there is in bleedin’ England? And Jesus, do you have to do everything around here? 

You’ve brought flowers, this time.

Yellow daffodils you’re sure the staff will neglect on his bedside table until they’re sad and wilting, but the splash of colour ought to do him some good. You hope it does him some good.

Three light knocks on the door announce your entrance. There’s a nurse checking his vitals whose eyes widen upon realizing who you are. He scurries away as quickly as he can, and you snort a derisive laugh after him.

“You’re a bloody menace,” Price says with enough fondness in his voice you could burst. John, now that it’s just the two of you. “Do you know the staff draw straws when you’re here?” 

“You say that like you’re not an awful patient,” you tease. It’s half-hearted at best, and even on the equivalent of horse tranquilizers you know he notices.

You busy your hands arranging his flowers in a clear plastic vase, but your eyes cut over to assess his condition today. His eyes are just as clear and sharp as ever, and the swelling on his face has gone down. The cracked ribs hurt like a bitch, you know from experience, but they don’t stop him from sitting up straighter every time you walk through the door. He had been unconscious for four days after his rescue and still all you can think is how much worse everything could have been. How cracked ribs and a broken nose and a fractured eye socket and every carefully catalogued cut and bruise could have been worse.

How he might not have come home at all. 

“You’re staring.”

Your eyes quickly dart back down to the flowers. Flower arranging is at the bottom of your list of skills, but they’re about as bright and cheerful as you could hope, if a little over-cut and crooked in places.

As you turn to set them gently at his bedside he heaves a sigh, heavy between you.

“Now you won’t look at me.” He sounds tired. There’s a twinge of pain at the end of each syllable, but worse than that he sounds like he’s trying so hard to be careful with you. Like you’re the fragile one right now. “What’s wrong, love?”

You scoff past the sudden lump in your throat and finally meet the depths of those blue, blue eyes. “Nothing. I’m being silly.”

“I doubt that very much.” His face creases, warm and a little sad. 

“Fine,” you say. You seat yourself on the edge of his bed and grasp his warm, calloused hand in yours. Stroking a reverent thumb along his knuckles gives you a measure of courage. “I love you.”

He sucks a sharp breath in. 

“I don’t expect you to say it back - you know I won’t ever ask for anything you can’t give - but fuck me, John, when they took you all I could think about was how much I love you and that I hadn’t told you and that you might die and not know.” You dare a glace up at his face with a sheepish smile made of shards of glass. “So, now you know. Don’t go dying on me about it, please and thanks.”

The glacial blue of his eyes warms to Mediterranean Sea, and the smile he gives you damn near breaks your heart. “Darling,” he says, “for the life of me I’ll never know what I did to deserve it, but you’re the kind of person a man could live for.”

I love you, too.

He raises his hand, still in yours, to his mouth. His unshaven whiskers tickle your skin. The kiss he presses to the inside of your wrist is reverent and warm, full of everything he’s never said and is still scared to say out loud. 

I love you, too.

[lillie98]

I headcannon Mike Wheeler as autistic (because we share the exact same strain) and I have a theory regarding Season 5. Many autistic people, including myself, have a warped sense of inherent danger. We will throw ourselves into dangerous situations not fully understanding the risks involved. It’s a dangerous situation, sure, but not so dangerous we should avoid it. Mike also has this problem, what with him diving head-first into every fight. He wants desperately to be a hero, to prove his worth and might as a person—to be remembered. If that means doing something stupid like getting himself killed, then that’s what it takes. It’s heartbreaking, but that’s the world he lives in. Hopper, Eleven, Will, they’ve all sacrificed their lives in some capacity to save the world, now it’s his turn.

Eddie touched on this concept with his “Don’t try to be heroes, not today. There is no shame in running,” but Mike doesn’t see it that way. In his mind, those who run are cowards, afraid to face their fears and fight for what they believe in. Has Mike been a bit cowardly these past two seasons by avoiding his feelings for Will? Yes, absolutely. But that’s his arc. Mike has to understand his actions, why he’s hiding, and the serious danger everyone is in. He has to face the music. Where does this lack of inherent danger come in? Glad you asked.

We all know Mike wants to be a hero. He wants to go down in history as someone good, someone who put others before themselves and saves the world. The Brave Knight, The Paladin. Paladins swear an oath of bravery and loyalty, vowing to avenge any threat that dares harm their allegiance (Byler anyone?). Something will threaten to harm/kill Will in Season 5, and Mike will have none of it. They’re not doing this again. Thus, Mike will throw himself in front of Vecna/Demogorgon/Brenner, etc. to protect Will, not fully comprehending the danger of the situation. He’ll be a hero. Unfortunately, this risky act will most likely cost him his life (temporarily). He doesn’t have to die. He’s the heart.

Lucas says, in the Season 4 hospital, that Max’s heart stopped for over a minute, but it miraculously started again. She is alive. El’s love for her conquered death itself. If we go on the “Will Has Powers” theory, then his love for Mike will conquer death and revive him. Mike only needs to be presumed dead, to be out long enough for Will and El to feel the effects of his death and consider joining Vecna. Because without their HEART, they’d fall apart. Both of them.

Back to what Eddie said, there really is no shame in running. Will doesn’t need Mike to do some egregious, knightly act of sacrifice to prove his love for him. His love is already enough. Will loves Mike for EXACTLY WHO HE IS. He always has, and THAT is the real heart of this story. Mike is not a hero because of what he does, but because of who he is. The way he loves, the way he stands up for what he believes in, the way he treasures his friends and protects them. The way he makes Will feel safe just by being there. That’s what Will fell in love with, not some fantastical DnD character that never actually existed.

Like Mike said in Season 2, “this isn’t DnD, this is real life.” DnD characters are fun, and it’s exciting to dream about slaying dragons or exploding orcs with your Magic Missiles, but that’s not real. It’s a game and it will end. Hit Points don’t magically restore you after a Long Rest and Healing Potions don’t deal 2d4+2 Healing. Actions have consequences and danger is real, even if your brain tells you it’s not. Paladins, Clerics, Bards, Rangers, their not real people. But Mike Wheeler is (in this context) and Mike Wheeler is enough. He is so enough. It’s time he wakes up and realizes he doesn’t have to be the Hero, slay the dragon, and make everything better, because it was NEVER HIS FAULT. Bad things happen and, sometimes, we can’t fix them. All we can do is stand beside our partner, hold their hand, and fight along with them—to remind them they are never alone. That, in and of itself, is truly heroic.

[dreadfutures]

Loving LUMO: 2018 to Present :)

Just up in my feelings about my dog today. He's doing great! I love my dog! I just wanna talk about him. A lot. :) Like this is looooong.

I got my dog at the end of my senior year of undergrad, after I knew I got into a PhD program. I knew I couldn't make it through alone so I wanted a dog.

When I was young, I wanted a wolf! I wanted big fluffy scary looking dogs. Then I wanted a pretty, fluffy, exotic dog. But as I grew older and actually MET dogs (I didn't have a lot of them in my life before), I realized that those weren't the dog breeds for me. I wanted a dog that fit my lifestyle, but also a dog that NEEDED a home, and love. And I wanted to make an impact, rescuing a breed that was often found in overflowing shelters in the US.

Why coonhounds? **mentions of animal abuse, skip to the next section

In California, shelters are primarily full of huskies, chihuahuas, german shepherds, and pitbulls. Since I didn't know where I was going to live or what the ordinances would be, I reluctantly decided I couldn't get a pitty. Many of the chihuahuas, huskues, and GSDs in shelters have serious health problems, probably coming from puppy mills and unethical breeding situations. I knew that any dog could develop an expensive health condition (foreshadowing) but I wanted to find a breed where that was less likely to happen.

I had read that the less "pretty" working dogs are usually better bred. They're smart, learn quickly, and (many hunting dogs) are content with long lazy seasons on the couch. I also learned that hunting dogs are abused and abandoned after hunting season, especially when people get "hunting breeds" and assume all the complex training of hunting is instinctive--it's not, it must be trained. But these "Defective"/"Failed" hunting dogs are let go to freeze and starve, and shelters can't take all of them. Someone called them the chihuahua of the south lol.

“It is sad when they treat these dogs as ‘tools’ they can throw away, instead of treating them like family members.”

Whether dumped or lost, these hunting dogs end up in local shelters, if they’re lucky. Many times they end up shot, hit by cars, or die of starvation or disease.

Believe me I read up on all the downsides of adopting a rescue vs. getting a purebred puppy from a breeder. I read up on all the downsides of hunting breeds. And even so I knew this was probably going to be a good fit.

I also found Maddie on instagram, who is a gorgeous redtick coonhound and possibly the most well-trained dog in the world. I was convinced and turned to a national Coonhound Rescue that takes coonhounds from the south and moves them across the country to be loved in places where they're not so common.

Finding Lu

I originally did want a female redtick that looked like Maddie, so I put in an application for one. The rescue called me and said they had another dog in mind for me and my lifestyle, "But he has a lot of skin! That means he drools A LOT."

His name was Dallas.

Dallas is a handsome 2 year old American English Coonhound being fostered in [city]. He enjoys the simple life and loves nothing more than a warm, comfy place to sleep. He is housetrained, cratetrained and leashtrained; also good in the car. He would do well in a home with slightly older children and would make an excellent companion. This boy wants a loving and consistent family or person to show him how great his life can be. He weighs about 55 lbs and also does well with cats and other dogs.

This is the photo I was sent. :) I fell in love. This was going to be my dog! MY DOG. My first dog. Mine.

I was told he had been found on the streets, emaciated and sick, and that he had become an absolute counter surfer and couch potato in his foster home. And he could climb 10 ft fences if he saw a cat lol. They said he had "anxiety," but as I learned it was severe, severe PTSD from abuse.

I was originally going to name him Mo. For "Mopey." He had the saddest brown eyes and emo eyeliner, it seemed to fit. But "Mo" sounds a lot like "No!" and I soon realized they weren't kidding about hounds being independent and strong-willed. I still wanted "Mo" to be part of his name, but decided on LUMO as a chemistry reference since it was very relevant to my subfield I was going into. So he became "Lu."

The very first day I took him home, he had explosive diarrhea all over the car and there were no dog bathing places taking walk ins, so I had to haul his 35 pounds of skin and bones into the bath. Intense bonding experience to be sure.

He was so, so skinny. You can see in the photos how knobby his tail is, and how you can count his spine, and how all his ribs and his hips stick out. People would come up to me at restaurants and YELL at me "don't you FEED YOUR DOG?????? how can you be so cruel?" as if there wasn't a possibility that I was rescuing an emaciated and abused dog?

I thought he was skinny because of his past on the streets, and I think that was part of it for sure. But what I learned was that he wasn't just having digestive issues because he was "adjusting to his kibble" -- he's actually allergic to chicken, and he was on a chicken diet.

He was losing a lot of weight from the diarrhea, and he was SO itchy, and he had constant infections in those big, soft ears. We did a lot of elimination to figure out his allergies and he's actually allergic to a lot of things, but chicken is by far the worst.

As soon as I switched him to salmon, he started gaining weight really well, shooting up to a healthy 50 pounds. He also stopped getting constant ear infections!

The trauma

So the thing about Lu is that he isn't just "anxious." Anxious doesn't describe him:

He was terrified of blond men with sunglasses. Like just wanted to melt into the ground and phase through walls levels of terrified. My best friend and room mate was a blond man who wore sunglasses all the time. Fortunately he had grown up on an Estate with a whole bunch of working dogs and was so good at helping me get him over his fear. He was afraid of strangers in general, but none as much as blond and bald guys.

He was GREAT on leash from the start! But randomly, he would just...stop. Freeze, plant his feet, stare glassy-eyed into the distance at nothing at all. Nothing in particular triggered it. Not sounds, not anything I could identify in common. Just sometimes...he'd just freeze and shut down. I had to carry him sometimes as far as a football field to get home. Often it was right in the middle of the street. :( After ten or so minutes of staring, he would come-to, and he would sit down and look around all disoriented.

Also I had been warned about how some dogs "pull" on leash. It turns out that most people are talking about pulling...ahead. And training a dog who pulls ahead is WAY different than a dog who tries to pull backwards. Lu was so skinny that he could slip out of his harness, no matter what size of his harness. I quickly learned there was no tying him off and going into restaurants by myself, because he could EASILY chew through any leash in a few seconds, and he could slip right out of his harness and just DIP. But even on walks, during his PTSD flashback moments, he could pull back so hard his arms would come up by his head and he'd just noodle out of his harness.

He was terrified of stairs. Going up and down. My bedroom was on the second floor. The beach was down a steep flight of stairs.

He had no idea how to play with other dogs at all.

He was scared of grass. It was as if he had never stepped on grass before and thought it was lava. I'm suspicious that he might have been trapped in a concrete outdoor dog run or kennel for most of his young life.

He had persistent UTIs... and he counter surfed and ate a whole stick of butter, and went into acute pancreatic failure.

He had some sort of paw trauma. it was impossible to touch his paws, let alone clip his nails. No matter how skinny and weak he was, it took more than 5 people to hold him down long enough to clip his nails. He was terrible at the groomers. Dremels weren't any betters.

Pretty early on I had to settle for "progress" over "perfect."

We took baby steps together. From May to August, he became so much more outgoing. He fell in love with my two tall blond sunglasses guy friends. He started learning to get excited about toys. And we developed a routine so he wouldn't destroy my room when I left him alone.

I had to respect that he definitely, 100%, always knew what I wanted him to do when I gave him commands. And when he refused and said "No," there was no food, no toy, no incentive I could give him to get him to do it. At least not that time.

When I first moved to grad school that September, I had a lot of people in my cohort come over to my apartment. Lu hid under my bed the whole time and wouldn't take any treats to coax him out. We lay a whole pack of turkey in front of him and he wouldn't come out. :(

But within a few months, he had a growing circle of human friends that he was comfortable with. And honestly even by October of that year, if a new stranger came to the apartment, all they had to do was get up on the couch and offer him a Merrick toothbrush treat and he'd be in their lap.

Here he is with his companion cube in early 2019. He loved that suede couch lol.

Health issues :(

So because he ate a whole stick of butter and went into acute pancreatitis, we started monitoring his blood levels. They got better after treatment--but never back to "normal." They remained at the "hmm this looks like renal failure, Cirrhosis, or hepatopathy" levels, which was weird, because he was constantly getting happier and acting healthier every day!!

Eventually a vet suggested we see an internal medicine specialist. Turns out.... Lu's liver is like. Tiny. Like puppy sized. He has had this disease since he was a baby, which is why he's never known he was sick lol.

After about 9k of imaging and stains and biopsies, we learned:

He has copper hepatopathy, which today my new vet's jaw dropped as a like "WOW we HEARD about this in vet school but I've NEVER actually seen it! It's so rare!"

His liver is tiny, full of fibrosis, cirrhotic, tons of remodeling (in the bad way). His liver is ORANGE from how much copper is in it. The damage is completely irreversible. I have a copy of the biopsy & lab results and I can just imagine the scientist at the research institute they sent the samples off to, their voice as they wrote this report. It screams "HOW IS THIS DOG ALIVE?"

I just find it so funny, as another analytical scientist.

The other funny thing is that they prescribed him chelation therapy to help him get better (it didn't help and he doesn't get worse without it, so we have since stopped that; it was expensive). My PhD thesis is in metal chelation lolololol of Ni, Co, Cu. lololol

So that was an expensive process. He has to have a prescription low-copper diet, which has stopped most of his symptoms of this disease, and we have to do expensive blood tests to make sure he doesn't get worse.

And then he became a sock eater.

He passed the first few. Then he got sick. With the vet's help, he was able to pass it without surgery. And then the next time, it was life or death.

The vet I went to was so unethical and immoral but it was my only fucking option. I wouldn't have my dog here if my best friend at the time hadn't been wealthy enough to give me the 13k I needed on the spot, in cash, to save my dog's life with surgery.

In the hospital, the fucking awful vets:

claimed to use dissolving stitches. I don't think they did; I still feel them! 4 years later!!!

let him get a skin infection all over his body that made his paws swell up and bleed, and his paw pads fall off and bleed. It was terrifying. And cost me more money of course. It was so evil. He still has scarring all over his legs from it where fur hasn't grown back :(

He has bad teeth but according to the vet "not the worst! :)"

He expresses his glands in his sleep sometimes. UGHHHH they don't tell you that about dogs lol.

He still is terrible for claws. It's been worse and worse lately, to the point where I worry about how long his nails are and whether it will be bad for his joints. But it's the only thing he's really ever been aggressive for. :( I really worry about him. I have trained him to scratch a board of sandpaper to file them down, but they get sharp that way too lol.

Progress, not perfect. He lets me give him paw massages and check his nails and manhandle him, but just. Not clippers or dremel. :( Not there yet.

Anyway, he has been super healthy for many years now. He's got lumps and bumps and skin tags. The vet thinks he's about 9 years old, and definitely a senior. ;_; <3

Things I Love about LUMO

His ears are, I'm not kidding, the softest material in the world. And so warm. He loves it when I stick my finger in his ear and tickle his brain. He loves an armpit scratch. His tail used to be like, stuck, in such a sad position and I never thought he'd wag his tail and now it waves high all the time.

They told me he would probably never be a dog who plays. But when I got him, within a few weeks, I found the puppy inside of him. He runs like a silly rocking horse, completely uncoordinated and flopsy. He'll do fetch. He loves surgically disemboweling stuffed animals. He throws around his XTREME CHEW PLASTIC ANTLER and plays fetch with it with me.

He has several "spots" where I can get his leg thumping when I scratch him. He loves to be wrapped up in a burrito of blankets and sit in a sunbeam.

He leans on me and looks up at me with those big brown eyes and there's no fear or sadness in them anymore it's just sweetness and silliness.

He is so smart. He's attended a bunch of PhD level classes, and he's developed his own language. He's so smart. He knows how to tell me what he wants, he knows the rules and knows how to push them right up to the limit. He loves his sweaters. He will tell me what he wants by tapping on things with his paw. He knows that if I hold out my left hand it's to hold his paw and do a shake. If I hold out my right hand it means wait. He knows that the camera I have can see him and he'll knock it over so he can do mischief.

He loves his velvet chaise lounge. He loves his memory foam ultrasoft velvet bed. He loves his goose down comforter. He loves to sit on my pillow and fart. He basks in sunbeams and curls up in a tiny tiny little ball and he shrimps and sucks on his toes. He's basically a cat. He doesn't really want to go on walks, he pulls me back inside as soon as he's done his business. Except for when we have company--he loves walking with a pack of people.

When he talks to me, like just having a conversation, he sounds like a seal. Like a tortured seal. Or like a crying baby. He's never really figured out how to be a dog or sound like a real dog but we understand each other that's what matters.

He absolutely takes advantage of this to complain when I am not giving him what he wants. He'll roll over on the ground like a drama queen and wail and cry like I'm abusing him and it's because I'm across the room holding a pork chop that's just for me.

Today in the car he was WAILING like a seal, which usually means "LET ME OUT I NEED TO POOP" but after 3 or 4 tries to walk him, he made it clear that what he ACTUALLY meant was "PEDAL TO THE METAL GIRLS LET'S GO WHY AREN'T WE MOVING WHY IS THERE NO WIND ON MY FACE OR FLAPPING IN MY EARS MOOOOOOOOOVE."

For a while he was 69 pounds (NICE) but he's back to 64 lol. He stays between 63-70 pretty much depending on how active he is.

Anyway I have been reminiscing a lot because I figured it was time to add him to the "happy endings" page on the rescue website and I was going down memory lane.

Looking at the photo I took on the day I brought him home, and a photo I took last month, you can see his white face is spreading.

The defined white bit on his nose that whispers between his eyes has now spread to both his eyebrows, and his cheeks are getting quite white. But his eyes are bright and his ears are perked up and he is safe and warm and loved and stinky and soft. He gets fresh treats all the time (he loooooves celery, and pears, and sometimes carrots and sweet potatoes. and tortilla chips. and salmon oil.). He loves his prescription kibble and our routine. He has lovely friends and lovely car rides and he is just the best dog I could have asked for in my life when I got him and every day.

I've had to be so patient and calm and kind even when I was scared and angry, with his stress and his ptsd and his destructiveness and messiness. All he deserves and needs is love and he knows what's wrong and what isn't, sometimes he just can't help himself, and we move on together. He made sure I had a reason to come home and not sleep in lab during my PhD. He made sure I had a reason to get out of bed during my PhD.

And now we're just living our best lives together. :)

[noirsisterhood]

Would you agree that divestment was the 4B for Black women ? However, black women did not want to listen during the 2010s to the information that was given to them during the time

Kind of yes and no. Black women and especially younger Black women are very behind and always in a game of catch up for a variety of reasons.

So when other races of women are at the point where they’re talking about all males, Black women (are very segregated and don’t pay attention to other communities) are stuck on Black only and just now starting to see why they shouldn’t have been race loyal. That was something Black males realized since forever it’s everyone for themselves and it’s 160 years later after slavery, Black women just now looking around and realizing the situation they’re in. Everyone knows how unaware and brainwashed Black women are right now and takes advantage by getting them wrapped up in repetitive arguments about things that really don’t matter. So I like 4B because it SHOULD cut out the arguments and it’s straight to the point. I do think Black women need to stop using the name 4B, not post about it, and just participate from the sidelines quietly. 4B is a good message and lifestyle for Black women to live. It’s very direct and to the point. Korean women did it very well by moving in silence, and unfortunately western media got ahold of it and taking advantage of Black women never wanting to be quiet and strategic.

I think Black women generally have to have things explained very directly and clearly and it’s possible divestment’s message of “put yourself first” is too broad for Black women to know what to do. They basically need step by step directions and divestment just left a lot of room open for anything to come in unfortunately. I tag divestment and I am divested but I don’t feel strongly about using the word since it’s been intentionally co-opted.

Yes it’s a mix of Black women being hardheaded and not listening in 2010s and Black women being ignorant about the position they’re in and the intentions of others. Black women have a lot of power they don’t know about and have allowed literally EVERYONE to eat off them and wield that power for themselves and against us.

Like I said in that last rant of mine 😂 I really think Black women are lying about why they are clinging so hard onto that 4B name. They’ve been going at other races of women with their pro-blackness and really I would say out of jealousy because BM put them on a pedestal. Now that they’re being publicly attacked by the males they caped for, they’re hoping other races of women will also be in the same position so they have “women” to fall back on. It’s not gonna work because those women are already 3 steps ahead of Black women and setting them up for serious backlash. That’s why Black women need to be quiet and do their own thing and practice it from behind the scenes. There’s more going on than just dating issues for staying in those spaces and constantly talking about the same issues over and over is keeping Black women distracted from important topics like our history being erased, our resources being attacked, how they try to brainwash us, etc.