#or to answering messages either. I hope you all understand I’m not avoiding you but that I’m trying to help fix a bump in the road for my

[withmytailtotheworld]

im so going to puke from all of this stress and anxieties im getting it’s not even funny

[spicynoodles789]

Katsuki Bakugo 𖤓 The Wrong Idea

𖤓 Where y/n likes Bakugo, but can’t father the courage to tell him

Cw: Fic + Smau, swearing, a little angst, set in third yearish (I'm so bad with timelines), reader is refereed to as she/ her, happy ending, kinda ooc Ochaco and Bakugo, y/n is kinda a pick me near the end

Notes: I’m sorry to any Bakugo x Ochaco shippers, but she was just the first person who came to mind 😅. Also, this is my first time posting something that’s partially a fic (not a smau), so I hope you all enjoy! 😊

Ochaco and Bakugou have been acting weird. They’d been hanging out together a lot more than usual. Always in either one's dorm, the door closed and almost always silent. 

Normally it wouldn’t bother you. In fact, you’d be happy that the boy you like and your best friend are spending time together…

But they’re so secretive about it. 

Questions are answered with nothing but murmurs of ‘mind your own business’ or complete avoidance of the matter. 

Ochaco knew how much you liked Katsuki. She knew how anxious you were that some other girl would snatch him up. 

And you were so sure that Katsuki felt the same way. That he liked you too. 

But now they were meeting behind closed doors, and you just couldn’t shake that feeling of dread, nor ignore the questions swirling around your head. 

What if this whole time, they’ve been laughing at you?

What if they’re together?

What if they’ve been playing you a fool?

Your gaze drifted to the box on your desk, full of the small notes and letters you found tucked under your dorm room door some mornings. Some were simple little reminders, while others were compliments. Most of the time, the compliments were on things you were insecure about the previous day, voicing your concern to only your close friends. 

But the handwriting didn’t match theirs. It didn’t match the writing of anyone in class. 

But some small part of you was sure that it was Katsuki’s handwriting. You were so sure you could smell the faint traces of his cologne on the paper. 

But if it was him writing those notes, then why is he suddenly being so secretive with Ochaco? 

You couldn’t stand the questions. You couldn’t stand the wondering. 

You stand up from your bed, finally deciding to do something about your inner turmoil. 

The walk to Katsuki’s dorm was agony. Ochaco had said earlier that she was busy at this time, so you knew they would be together. 

As you knocked on the door, you could hear the rustle of fabric and the soft thud of someone's footsteps. As the door opened, and Katsuki’s figure appeared before you, you felt your heart beat faster. Red eyes that normally made you feel flustered, now made you feel ill with a pang of betrayal. Because past those eyes, and into the bedroom, you could see Ochaco sitting guiltily on Katsuki’s bed. 

There was a ringing in your ears as you walked away, blocking out any and all noise as the two called out to you.

He liked you. Katsuki Bakugou liked you. 

You had to pinch yourself to ensure you weren’t dreaming. 

He liked you. 

You still couldn’t believe it. Not even as you're standing in front of his dorm door, knocking on the wood once again. 

You couldn’t hear the soft thump of his footsteps over the beat of your heart. But the tension in the air was thick as Bakugou opened the door, your eyes meeting. 

Just a few hours ago, you’d stormed away from his dorm in anger. But now…

Now you know the truth. 

“Y/n…” Katsuki’s voice was uncharacteristically soft. 

“I got your messages.” You said with the same softness, almost as if it were a mutual understanding between you too. He nodded his head and gestured for you to enter, which you accepted. 

The tension in the room was thick as the door clicked closed behind you. The two of you awkwardly shuffled on the spot, neither one knowing how to start. 

With a sigh, Katsuki spoke. “Look, about before-” 

“I spoke to Ochaco.” But you cut him off, your mouth moving quicker than your brain. “She told me everything.” 

A small grunt escaped from the ash-blonde. “Everything?”

“Everything.”

“Tch. Damn it round cheeks.” You could hear him mutter under his breath. A small silence followed, the repeated notion of either of you not knowing what to say. 

Katsuki’s room was always neat whenever you came over. The idea that he cleaned it just for you made your heart flutter. It was plainly decorated, with the small slither of All Might memorabilia scattered through. You always forget that Katsuki’s love for All Might rivals Midoriyas. He just wasn’t as out and loud about it. 

“I wanted to tell you.” Katsuki’s voice cuts through your thoughts, pulling your attention back to him. “I meant to tell you that I… y’know.” 

“Right.” You nodded, unsure of what to say. You were always so good with your words, but Bakugou seemed to rid you of that skill. He always did. 

“It’s just… I’ve always been focused on one thing, y’know? I’ve always wanted to be the number one hero, it’s the only thing I ever had my mind set on.” His eyes drifted to you. “Then you came along, Y/n, and you just had to complicate things. For the past two damned years, every time you spoke to me or even just looked at me, my mind would go blank and my heart would speed up. I can barely think around you. At night, I can only think of you. You drive me crazy. You’ve been torturing me for the last two years.” As he spoke, he migrated over to the edge of his bed, sitting down and resting his head in his hands. 

“So what you're saying is that I… distract you?” You ask as you carefully sit down next to him. 

“Tch, yeah. A big fucking distraction.” He muttered, but there was no hint of aggression in his tone. 

You swallowed, tilting your head slightly as you looked at Bakugou. “So you went to Ochaco for help. You didn’t know how to tell me, so you got her to help.” 

“Yeah, something like that.” He grunted, his red eyes meeting yours. “Then you had to go ahead and get the wrong idea, thinking we were hooking up or something.” 

“Yeah, not my proudest moment.” You chuckled softly, your posture slouching. 

“You’re such an idiot.” 

“I know.” 

There was another best of comfortable silence, the two of you just enjoying one another’s company. 

“I like you, too.” You said softly, a small pink tinge on your cheeks as your eyes met him once more. 

“I know.” He smirked that same cocky smirk that made your knees weak. “Round Cheeks spilled her guts.” 

You groan and dramatically flop backwards onto the bed. “Of course she did.” 

Katsuki chuckled at your dramatised misery. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear her. She was practically screaming in my ear.”

“Typical Ochaco.” You say as you prop yourself up onto your elbows. “I’ve gotta know. Was it you who's been sliding those notes under my dorm?”

“Tch, of course it was, idiot.” He scoffed, although you swore you could see a pink hue on his cheeks. 

“Thank god. I thought I had a stalker.”

“Yeah right. As if anyone would be dumb enough to stalk you.”

“Hey!” You protest, sitting up properly. “I’m an interesting person. I could have a-”

You were cut off by Katsuki’s lips meeting yours. It was sudden, but gentle. His lips were soft, and you slowly melted into them as your eyes fluttered shut.

When the kiss finally broke, you looked at Katsuki with a dumb grin. 

“What?”

“You kissed me.”

“Tch. Whatever.” 

“You kissed meee!” You teased him, getting close to his face. He put a sweaty palm to your cheek and pushed you away.

“Shut up idiot.”

You giggled and put your hands up in surrender. “Alright alright. But I gotta ask one question: Does this mean we’re dating?” 

After a careful, two second consideration, Katsuki nodded his head. 

“Yeah, sure. Just don’t get the wrong idea, y/n.”

[kikyoupdates]

Infatuated ⭑˚💌⭑ ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑

yandere!bnha x reader

yandere, reverse harem, bnha x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

Your Quirk is rather unique. It plays out almost like a game, giving you missions and goals that help you become stronger. On top of that, you also have the ability to charm those around you. It sounds innocent enough on paper, and you can’t help but revel in the attention everyone keeps showering you with. But what happens when their feelings give way to something more sinister?

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News spreads around the neighborhood, and before you realize it, you’ve built up quite a reputation for yourself.  

“That’s [Name]! If you’re not careful, she’ll kiss you and make you faint with her Quirk!” 

“You’ll end up getting cooties too!”  

Obviously, you understand where they're coming from, but it isn't like you want to make anyone pass out. You're still doing your best to come to terms with your powers, and the fact that most people are now hellbent on avoiding you doesn't really feel that great.  

You wait and wait, hoping to receive more missions so that you can progress and get a better hang on your Quirk, but a new message never comes. It's either entirely random, or there is perhaps some way of triggering new missions that you haven't yet discovered.

For the time being, there isn't really much you can do, so you decide to focus on playing with your friends and let fate run its course.  

But even that doesn't really go as planned.  

“Are you going to use your Quirk on me again?” Katsuki grits out. “What you did the other day was total bullshit. You snuck up on me, so it wasn’t fair! It’s not like you won or anything. I’m way stronger than you are.”  

“I know,” you acknowledge. “I doubt I’ll ever be as strong as you, Katsuki. I just wanted to make you stop. You were saying some really mean things to Izuku, and... I didn’t like it.”  

Katsuki balls his hands into fists. “Do you think you’re Deku’s guardian angel or something? Just forget about him already. He’s a loser. The longer you stick up for him, the more you’re just embarrassing yourself.”  

“Izuku.” 

“What?” 

“His name is Izuku,” you correct with a frown. “Why are you acting like this all of a sudden? You never used to make fun of him before. I liked it when all of us played together and got along. Can’t we keep doing that?”  

The vicious glare Katsuki gives you is pretty much an answer in itself.

“He’s Quirkless and lame,” he insists. “And it’s kind of annoying that you’re always taking his side. Do you like him better than me or something? There’s no way you actually think he’s better than I am. Right?”  

You're awfully young, and so the nuances of his words are completely lost on you. To you, it just seems like Katsuki is annoyed that you are actively opposing him and siding with Izuku, but his tone actually conveys so much more than that.  

Jealousy, paranoia, and even slight desperation... all of it goes over your head.  

Which is why you simply smile at him. “I don’t think either one of you is better. I like you both a lot. You’re my best friends. That’s why I don’t want you guys to fight anymore.”  

Clearly, that isn't the answer Katsuki was hoping for.  

“Whatever,” he scowls. “You’re really getting on my nerves now. Ugh. I should’ve known better than to let a girl join our group.”  

Even though you know you have to stand your ground and protest against Izuku’s bullying, it definitely doesn't feel good to be at odds with Katsuki. He's acting a lot differently than what you're used to, but despite that, you still care about him and idolize him. You really hope this is just a phase and that it will pass soon.  

You shamefully bow your head. “I’m sorry, Katsuki. I don’t want you to be angry. Just please try to be nicer to Izuku from now on... okay?”

“Shut it. You’re so annoying.” He turns to leave, but before he actually walks away, he pauses to give you a sideways glare. “Did you... ugh. Never mind.”  

“Did I what?” you blink. 

He blushes, suddenly unwilling to look you in the eye. “Your Quirk,” he mumbles. “You have to kiss people before you can use your powers on them, right? So... did you ever use it on Deku? And don’t bullshit me. I want the truth.”  

Katsuki is urging you to be honest, and you don't really see a point in lying anyways, so you just nod.  

“I did,” you affirm. “I was curious to try and use it again, and I wanted to figure out how it worked. Izuku let me practice on him. I was hoping it wouldn’t make him faint, but unfortunately, it still did.”  

Once again, Katsuki looks none too pleased with your answer.  

“Ew,” he grimaces, outright mashing his teeth at you. “I can’t believe you seriously kissed that Quirkless nerd. You’re gross, [Name]. I don’t want to see you for a while.”  

Your brows shoot up in a panic. “Huh? Katsuki, wait—!”  

He doesn't wait, and from that day onward, the dynamic between the two of you changes for the worse.

[𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍: 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧.]

Sure took long enough.

After what feels like literal eons, you’ve finally gotten a new mission. It's similar to what you’ve already done: use your charm ability on someone, except you apparently have to try it out on someone completely new. Which is kind of a problem, because you’ve already exhausted all your options when it comes to your friend group.

The idea of kissing a total stranger, even as a five-year-old, doesn't really appeal to you. There's also the matter of making that person faint, which is another thing you aren't all that thrilled about.  

Thankfully, the system seems to have more information for you this time.  

[Certain targets, including young children, may be especially vulnerable to your Charm ability. In order to keep your target from being overwhelmed, you will need to fine-tune your power output. Fainting can be avoided if you focus hard and use less power. After a target is successfully charmed, they will be momentarily put under your influence, and you can control them into doing or saying certain things.]  

Huh. So, that's the purpose of your ability. It isn't just to make people faint left and right. Clearly, you haven't been using it properly so far, but that's to be expected, since you still have a lot to learn.  

“Um, can I ask a question?” you try, but unsurprisingly, receive no response. Communication really doesn't seem possible. It kind of sucks, especially since there's so much you still don't understand.  

Whatever. At least you know that one day, you can actually charm someone without making them pass out. You aren't sure when exactly you’ll be able to pull it off, but you're choosing to remain optimistic.  

Some more time passes, and Katsuki is unfortunately still acting like a total ass. If he's in a good mood, he sometimes lets you hang around him and his underlings, but if you ever dare to try and bring Izuku so that they can rekindle their friendship, it quickly turns into a rather nasty altercation, and you are almost always forced to break it up. 

It isn't really something you take much note of, but lately, Izuku has been sticking to your side like glue. You're pretty much the only friend he has left, so it makes sense that he would want to be with you.  

Unfortunately, neither you nor he seems to realize that he is starting to become almost entirely dependent on you. It isn't just that Izuku enjoys being around you—he is gradually growing clingier by the day, and he can't seem to shake the fear that at some point, you’ll kick him aside, just like Katsuki has done.  

“[Name],” he whimpers, squeezing your little hand tightly in his. “Y-You still want to be friends, right? You don’t hate me just because I’m Quirkless, do you?”

Every time he asks that question, you never fail to respond with a bright grin. 

“Silly Izuku,” you muse. “We’re best friends for life. I’m not going anywhere. Katsuki’s acting like a real butthead lately, but he’ll change his mind. Things will get better soon. Just wait and see.”  

Izuku doesn't smile back. Instead, he squeezes your hand even tighter. He's afraid to let go. Afraid that he might lose you for good.

“Do you promise?” he mumbles. His voice is faint; barely a whisper.  

“I promise, Izuku. We’ll always be friends.”  

“And you’ll never leave me behind?”  

“Of course not. That’s part of what being friends means, right? That we’ll always look out for each other.”  

Izuku is going through a rough patch in his life. Even though your Quirk is tricky to figure out and is by no means all sunshine and rainbows, at least you have a Quirk. You can only imagine just how heartbroken Izuku must be. He’s wanted to have an amazing power more desperately than anyone else you know, so that he can become a hero and protect countless people.  

He needs you, and you are going to do everything you can to support him. 

“I have to go home now,” you say. “It’s late, and my parents want me to be back in time for dinner.”  

When you try to pull your hand away from his, Izuku lets out a panicked gasp and flings his arms around you.  

“N-Not yet!” he insists. “You can stay a bit longer... can’t you?”  

“I’m sorry, Izuku.” You gently pat his pack to try and calm him down. “I promised my parents I wouldn’t stay out so late today. We can play more tomorrow, though. And we’ll see each other at daycare too.” 

You try to pull away a second time, but Izuku still refuses to let you leave.  

“No,” he repeats. His voice trembles slightly, but it's a lot firmer than before. A wobbly smile rises to his lips. “Oh, I know. You can just have dinner at my place instead! Tell your parents that you’re coming over. My mom always cooks really yummy food.”

“Izuku,” you frown. It isn't like him to be so stubborn. You know he doesn't like it when you have to say goodbye, but it's not like you'll be apart for very long. “I really have to go now,” you insist. “We’ll play together again tomorrow, okay?”  

This time, you are able to lightly push him back, but you don't make it very far.  

“I said no!” Izuku screams. “I don’t want you to leave!”  

You're too shocked to muster up a response. It's the first time you’ve ever heard Izuku yell at anyone, let alone you.  

To be honest... it's kind of scary.  

“O-Oh my god.” After a few moments of heavy silence, the realization of what he just did finally sinks in. Izuku’s palms cover his mouth in a hurry, and you can already see tears forming in his big eyes. “I-I’m so sorry. [Name], I didn’t mean to yell. I really didn’t mean to. Please, please don’t hate me...” 

It doesn't take long for him to start sobbing, so of course your first instinct is to hug him and try to get him to calm down. He sobs loudly and unrestrained, burying his face in the crook of your neck while he braces his body against yours.  

Poor Izuku. He’s dealing with so much. I should be more considerate of him... 

“It’s going to be okay,” you reassure. After a few moments, you pull back to grin. “Alright, you win. I guess having dinner at your place does sound pretty fun. I promised my parents I would eat with them tonight, but I’m sure they’ll understand.”  

The second you utter the words, Izuku stops crying.  

“R-Really?” he splutters. “So... you’re not leaving me?”  

“Nope! We can hang out for a while longer.”  

Izuku hastily wipes his tears away, then lets out a happy giggle. “Yay! Thank you so much, [Name]. Everything’s always so much better when you’re around. D-Do you think you could maybe sleep over tonight? We did it once before... and it was a lot of fun.”  

“I’ll call my parents while I’m at your place and try to convince them,” you nod.  

“You don’t need to call them. Just tell my mom you already got their permission.”  

“But won’t my parents get worried if I don’t tell them in advance?”  

“It’ll be okay,” Izuku beams. He is by no means a rule-breaker, and in the back of his mind, he supposes he does know it's best to get your parents’ permission for stuff like this, but in the moment, all of that is secondary.  

He just wants to be with you for as long as possible. 

So, you stay. You stay for dinner at his house, without alerting your parents even though you were supposed to be home a long time ago. You even try to stay for a sleepover, like Izuku suggested, but at some point, Inko receives a very frantic phone call, and you are forced to leave.  

Izuku doesn't let it show while he waves you off, but he isn't happy about it in the slightest.  

“Sweetie, you can’t just invite your friends over for the night without checking if they’ve gotten permission first,” Inko frowns, crouching down to pat his head. “I know you like [Name], but her parents were worried sick, so make sure she’s spoken to her family first, alright?”  

“[Name] is the only one who still likes me,” Izuku sniffles. “I want to be with her all the time. She’s so much nicer than everyone else. I really wanted her to spend the night... why are her parents being so unfair?”  

“They’re not being unfair, Izuku. They just worry for her, that’s all. I’m sure you two can have a sleepover some other time, so long as her parents are given enough of a heads-up.”  

Izuku furrows his brows, tiny little hands clenching into fists. “I hate [Name]’s parents,” he grits out.  

“Izuku!” Inko gasps. “You don’t mean that!”

“I hate them, hate them, super-duper hate them!”  

He runs to his room and slams the door shut, then promptly buries himself under his blankets, hugging one of his All Might plushies against his chest. Everything is just so awful. He doesn't have a Quirk, so becoming a hero will be infinitely more difficult than he ever imagined. After receiving the diagnosis from the doctor, his own mother sobbed while hugging him, apologizing over and over again, as if telling him that she should give up on his dream.  

But you still believe in him. You don't make fun of him the way everyone else does, and you're always encouraging him to try his best and become a hero no matter what.  

Also... it's embarrassing to admit, but lately, he finds himself wishing that you would use your Quirk on him again. He just can't get that warm fluttery feeling out of his mind, especially knowing that he got to kiss you.  

That night, he dreams of a world where he does have a Quirk. One where you are by his side every minute of the day.

“Okay, sweetheart. We just need to go buy a few more things, so please wait right here for us, okay?”

You are in the middle of a shopping trip with your parents. It's fun to tag along with them from time to time, especially since they usually let you pick out a few goodies for yourself. While they go to look for the last few items on their list, you are tasked with the responsibility of watching over the shopping cart.  

You're a good kid, so you have every intention of listening to your parents and staying put.  

At least, until you see him.  

He catches your attention almost immediately. With his striking dual-colored hair, he stands out like a sore thumb. That still isn't the most noticeable thing about him, though. 

It's the fact that he has a bandage covering the entirety of his left eye.

The boy looks to be around your age, so probably no older than five or so. He's trudging down the aisle with a vacant expression, and your chest throbs while watching him. The bandage across his eye is no doubt concealing quite a big injury. You really hope it isn't as painful as it looks.

Out of sheer concern, you can't help but call out to him. 

“Um,” you frown. “Are you... okay?”  

The boy glances in your direction, still with that same hollow expression. He doesn't say anything back, and you're starting to regret speaking to him, especially when it looks like he wants to be left alone.  

But then he starts crying.

“No,” he whimpers, crumpling to his knees and burying his face in his hands. “I-I’m not okay. I hate this. I just hate it... why did this have to happen? It isn’t fair. I’m so sick and tired of everything. I can’t stand it anymore...”  

It seems that his previously stoic demeanor was no more than a facade, and he can't stop his tears from pouring down his cheeks. You don't know anything about this boy, but whatever is going on in his life, it's clear that he needs help.

Before you can even think it through, you're already hugging him. 

“I’m sorry that you’re suffering,” you frown. You honestly don't know what else to say, and you doubt you can possibly begin to imagine what he's going through. All you can do is hold him in your arms and show him that despite being a stranger, you still care.

He seems taken aback by the suddenness of your touch, but is far too distraught to try and push you away. Countless tears fall from his eyes, and the bandage across the left side of his face is starting to grow damp from all the crying.  

“I hate him,” the boy just keeps on sobbing. “I hate my dad! He always ruins everything!”  

You nibble on your bottom lip. He's in so much pain, and it hurts to know that you can't do anything to help. 

Unless... 

What if I charm him?  

The system said that it's possible to control people’s actions while they're under your control, so maybe you can use your powers to try and calm him down. You definitely don't want to make him faint, but you're hoping to ease his pain, if only a little.

Besides, you have a new mission to complete anyways. You plan on doing things right this time and using your Quirk to help someone out.  

Feeling a bit hesitant, you quickly kiss the boy on the cheek. He stops crying for a few moments, just from the confusion of it all. His right eye, which is a warm gray hue, stares back at you in utter bewilderment, and his cheeks are even starting to get a bit red.  

[𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨?]

>>[𝐘𝐄𝐒]

This time, you focus as hard as you possibly can to manage the output of your ability. You want to help this boy—whose name is Shouto, apparently. You want to help him feel better and forget his worries, at least for a little while.  

“It’s okay,” you say, using your hands to cup his damp cheeks. You smile warmly. “I know it hurts, but you’re going to be alright. Just keep breathing. Try to relax. I’m here for you. I promise things will get better.”  

Your Quirk takes effect, and you can feel him softening under your touch. His breathing becomes less labored, and it looks like his tears have finally stopped falling.  

“I’m going to be... okay,” Shouto mumbles hazily.  

“Yes. Just be strong. Can you do that for me?”  

It takes a few moments, but Shouto eventually nods. You can tell that he isn't anywhere near as tightly-wound as he was a few moments prior. Your reassuring words, coupled with the effects of your Quirk, seem to be somewhat therapeutic.

“I can do it,” Shouto insists, small arms reaching around to hug you back. 

You smile, relieved that for once, your Quirk hasn't made someone faint. Not only that, but you’ve been able to stop him from having a panic attack. If used correctly, it looks like your powers are able to influence not just a person’s actions, but their emotions as well.

Of course, at the time, you don't realize that this line of thinking also applies to negative emotions.  

You pat Shouto’s head for a while longer, unwilling to pull away from the hug, lest he start crying again. “Are you here all alone?” you can't help but ask.  

Shouto nods slowly. “I ran away from home. I really didn’t want to be there anymore. My dad is awful... but I’m sure he’ll find me soon enough. I guess I’m not doing a very good job of hiding, but I didn’t know where else to go.”  

“Does your dad hurt you?” you ask, even though you're honestly afraid to hear the answer.  

“I guess... sometimes. But it’s mostly just during training. I can handle it, though. I don’t care about that. But he hurts my mom. He’s always being mean to my mom and making her cry,” Shouto grits out, trembling furiously. “And now, she’s been sent away. I won’t get to see her anymore.”

You don't know what you can possibly say in response. You're still only a kid, and definitely not equipped to tackle heavy subjects like domestic abuse. It sounds awful, though. Your parents are lovely and kind. The thought of having to share a home with someone like Shouto’s father is absolutely terrifying. 

The most you can do is hug him even tighter.  

“You’re amazing,” you mumble. “It must be so scary, but you’re still staying strong. I’m really sorry. I wish I could do more to help.” 

Shouto doesn't say anything. He feels fuzzy and warm, still under the influence of your powers. Even though he despises his father and everything he’s put the family through, in this moment, he feels like he could take on the whole world. You've just brought out a bravery in him that he didn’t even know he had.

“[Name]? Oh! What’s this? Did you make a new friend?”  

The moment doesn't last much longer, because your parents eventually return with the stuff they went to grab. 

Blushing, you break away from the hug, not noticing the disappointed little gasp Shouto lets out.  

“He looked sad, so I was just trying to cheer him up,” you say. 

Your mother smiles. “That’s very nice of you, darling. Hello there, little boy. Are your parents around? You didn’t get lost, did you?”

At the mention of parents, Shouto flinches a bit, and his earlier sadness seems to return. “I’m fine,” he says stiffly, and before you can even protest, he’s already run away.  

Your shoulders slump. Well, that's a bummer. You didn't even get to introduce yourself to him. 

“Alright, we’ve got everything we need now,” your father says, placing the items inside the shopping cart. “All ready to go?”  

Honestly, you don't want to go. You're worried about Shouto. You just hope that your words will encourage him going forward, and if things ever get extra tough, he'll reach out to someone else and get the help he needs.   

[Congratulations on completing your mission! As a reward, your speed has increased slightly.] 

Just like last time, your body starts glowing a bit. If your parents notice, though, they certainly don't make any mention of it. Perhaps just like the system, this is a phenomenon that only you can observe.

You soon leave the store, and no matter how hard you try to look around and spot Shouto again, you don't see any sign of him.

To you, it's just another good deed. Helping out a person in need seems like the natural thing to do. After all, just like Izuku and Katsuki, you've also been inspired to one day become a hero. That's why, as much as you worry about Shouto’s condition, you don't dwell too much on this simple act of kindness. 

Little do you know that Shouto will never forget what you’ve done for him.

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[tarotbyopal]

What you need to hear right now

 Welcome to my newest PAC reading! Thank you so much for being here, for liking and for reblogging this reading!

🖤Piles: 1-2-3

🖤Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Calm your breath and remove all of the thoughts from your mind. When you try to focus on the reading at hand which number or image comes to mind? That is your pile

Paid readings | Memberships

Pile 1 “Tomorrow is another day”

 Temperance,  of pentacles, 5 of pentacles, 7 of swords, knight of swords

Pile 1 time is not running out, I can guarantee this. You need to be a bit more patient and easier on yourself right now. You may currently be undergoing a lot of change - this could be a new job role, a new relationship, even a whole new city and the world is asking you to take things as they come and to above all enjoy yourself and enjoy your time. Time is not running out, make the best out of the time that you have in the present whether this means to work harder, learn a new skill or rest (because pile 1 you guys are hard workers and you need to rest!!!)

Try not to stress out about things out of your control - most things do not need to be done today and it is fine to leave certain things for tomorrow. You are not a failure. No matter what you may think or what others may say. You are incredible.

Be more direct and say no to things that you can’t take on. It is time to work more on your boundaries. This is much better than you being overwhelmed by things that you could have helped and sorted before. Pile 1 you can do this, I’m cheering you on!

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

Pile 2 “Everything will be alright”

The sun, 5 of cups, page of cups, the devil

Don’t let your doubts get in the way of your dreams pile 2 - no matter what your dreams may be. I feel like a lot of you are happy on the outside but numb on the inside. You may be numb to your own feelings or things happening to you. You…are struggling to understand these feelings and emotions though. Why do you feel this way? You may struggle to cry or cry too easily but why feel numb? 

A lot of you pile 2 may suffer from childhood trauma or your childhood is unfortunately still negatively affecting your life and choices. The world wants you to have a look at how you are living life - are you being honest with yourself? Are you living the way that you want to live? What’s missing and how can you get there? 

It is time for you to fall back in love with life, this may take you a while but it is important that you start this journey sooner rather than later. That you face your fears and addiction directly instead of going around and around the issue. It may be time to message that person you have been avoiding.

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

Pile 3 “Have you been crying lately?”

Blood, sweat and tears pile 3, that’s how hard you are currently working. You are focused more so than any other pile and you are not taking a “no” for an answer right now. Pile 3, I am proud of you and your dedication. Are you proud of yourself? How hard are you working?...I really hope that you are because you should be! So many people look up to you and admire your strength silently. 

You value independence and having your own luxuries (by the way you may marry someone who has more money than you).

It is important right now that you find a better balance between your home life and your work life without compromising either. But at times sacrifices need to be made and you shouldn’t feel like you are alone in these because you aren’t.

The world is asking you to find that light that you have within and allow it to shine now more than ever - this may start with a meditation or simply the decision to allow the light to shine

❥ Personal readings available via Ko-fi

All he love x

[the-oblivious-writer]

Pretty Girl |3|

Tara Carpenter x Fem!Reader

Chapter Three: Unspoken Words

Summary: You and Tara have been avoiding each other for a while now until you decide enough is enough

Warning(s): Swearing, R can be just as confusing as Tara sometimes and oh so stupid & avoiding confrontation

Notes: Chad's the best wingman out there and that's canon, I hope this doesn't feel rushed. Past few days have been a bit busy but I'm glad I was able to get this out for you all! This series isn't over just yet

Previous Part|Next Part

It. Had. Been. Fucking. Weeks. You and Tara were still not talking. Geez you two were so stubborn. It was frustrating. At least it was for her friends. Tara would talk about you constantly which would make it even more frustrating for the people around her.

 Buying a drink? Y/N would like that

Watching a movie? Y/N loves this part

They needed you two to talk or else it was going to be the death of them. You were still not sure how to approach the whole thing. You definitely didn’t want to be the first to give in but you also couldn’t stand the distance. You missed her but no way could you admit that. 

Either she was going to give in or neither of you would ever talk again it seems. That was until you found yourself knocking on the younger Carpenter’s window.

Tara hadn’t gotten a message from you in weeks so you best believe when she saw your contact name appear on her phone she scrambled to get it. 

‘open your window’

Tara furrowed her eyebrows before turning to her window and seeing you outside. You gave a slight wave and gestured for her to open the window. She took out her headphones and did as asked. When you climbed in she stared you down. It was confusing, part of her knew exactly what to say and the other didn’t. 

“What are you doing here?” Was all she managed to get out. This caused you to let out a frustrated huff. She was acting as if you weren't totally ignoring each other for weeks!

“Just popping by. Was in the neighborhood so why not, right? Oh and while I’m here just wondering..what the actual fuck, Carpenter?” You catch Tara off guard, she definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“Excuse me?” You let out a laugh to her response before replying, you couldn’t believe her right now. 

“You heard me. How about we start off with that blow up from three weeks ago. What was that? Cause I’d really like to know” You cross your arms waiting for a response from the shorter girl.

She fiddled with her hands while trying to find her words. “I’m- sorry” Tara irritatedly sighed, being the first to give in. Her gaze met the floor so she didn’t see your amused smile. Tara took a seat on her bed and crossed her legs, still avoiding your stare.

“Still doesn’t answer my question but I’ll take it. And uh I guess I’m sorry too” You take a seat next to Tara, your hand lands in a spot that’s less than an inch away from hers.

“You weren’t the only one being a stubborn ass. The phone works both ways” She gives a small smile and finally looks up at you.

“How about a truce?” You propose. “A truce?” Tara repeats. 

“Correct, a truce. Next time we get into an argument-”

“I don’t want there to be a next time..” Tara interrupts, saying it so low as if she was scared for you to hear you.

“We’re human Tara, it’s bound to happen again” Your hand lays on Tara’s in an attempt to comfort her. “But how about when it does, next time we won’t just ignore each other for weeks at a time. We can give each other room but..” You look down,”That was too much room, Tar.” 

She looks at you in understanding and nods followed by an “ok.” Tara rubs your hand, signaling for you to look back at her. The Carpenter smiled when you finally met her gaze. 

You both stared at each other, her eyes fell to your lips as yours did the same to her. “I never told you why I lashed out that night” Tara started as you both slowly leaned closer.

“Oh yeah? And what about it” Tara tilted her head and leaned in closer, your lips were so close to touching. All you had to do was-

The door slammed wide open. “Tara! Check it ou- Oh sorry did I interrupt something?” Chad asked genuinely with a Nintendo switch in his hand. He had no idea you were even here. He thought Tara was just in here studying with her headphones in.

You and Tara had pulled away from each other quickly and shook your heads. “Nope we were just talking, what’s up?” Chad had finally finished the level he and Ethan have been trying to beat for months! You liked Chad. He was a cool dude and you even hung out with him sometimes.

You talked about a few things, Mario kart, football, Spider-man and the occasional random shit. He was also a pretty good wingman. But unfortunately he was as oblivious as you could be sometimes. A girl was flirting with you? Sure, go for it dude. A guy wanted to get to know you? That’s awesome! 

He’s the hype man everybody needs in life but he’d get so caught up in it that he didn’t notice the glares Tara sent him. Still confused as to why Mindy hit him in the shoulder when things like this happened. What’s wrong with being a supportive wingman? 

Mindy and Anika really need to sit him down and have him filled in on the two love birds. Even Ethan knew! 

—

A couple days have passed and you end up hanging out with Tara and her friends. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little nervous. You mostly just talked with Chad and sometimes Ethan since they were a package deal. Anika seemed nice but you were still nervous because you haven’t really talked much so you weren’t sure what she thought of you. 

Then there was her girlfriend, Mindy. Twin sister of Chad and much more intimidating. On the outside it should’ve been the opposite of that but for some reason you just got the hunch she didn’t like you. You knew she was a protective friend but you couldn’t help but wonder how that persuaded her thoughts of you. 

You were all sitting comfortably in the living room with a show playing, Tara on the couch while you laid between her legs. Your back faced her as you laid against her chest, her legs wrapped around you as she gently played with your hair. Pretty cozy for a couple of friends. 

“So,” Mindy spoke up. “You two made up?” Anika gave Mindy a look but the twin just shrugged. 

“Yeah. We’re good now” Tara answered so you wouldn’t have to. Mindy hummed in response. You and Tara weren’t one hundred percent sure where she was going with this but you knew she wasn’t done.

Before Mindy could interrogate any further your phone rang. “Who is it?” Tara asked curiously, you lifted it slightly to see who it was before turning off the ringer. “No one important. Just going to let it ring.” Tara replied with an unconvinced hum but didn’t press any further. 

Sam entered the apartment with take out in hand, “Hey guys.” Everybody responded with ‘Heys’ and ‘Hi’s’ before she sat the food down. “Got some food on my way home so eat up. I’m gonna head out in a few” Sam said before walking to her room. Okay..that was strange. She only sent a single glare and no snarky comment about you being over.

Must be warming up to me or just really tired you thought. Tara looked down to you, not wanting to move out of her current position. Oh how the turned tables. “Are you going to eat something?” She eventually asked. You only shook your head and continued to stare at the TV. She could wait to eat, she didn’t mind. Tara had gotten too used to you being in her arms. It gave her a feeling of warmth that was too good to let go of just yet. 

The two of you made up and you were finally back in her arms. Everything was back to the way it was before. Nothing could ruin this.

An hour had passed and you fell asleep on Tara, not that she was complaining. She held onto you and enjoyed having you there in her arms. Suddenly you start to open your eyes as you slowly start waking up.

“What time is it?” You ask tiredly while rubbing your eyes. “Eight forty-two” Ethan responded, causing you to scramble out of Tara’s arms. The action caused the younger Carpenter to furrow her eyebrows in confusion. “What’s wrong?” Tara asked, her tone laced with a bit of worry.  

“I’m late for a date but we’ll do a rain check!” You reply before rushing out the door leaving Tara to process what you just said. 

“What the actual fu-”

You had a what?!

-----------

[kkurokitty]

so, i’m sure by now (since most, if not all, of you who follow both of my accounts follow @melobin as well) have seen the “drama” surrounding melody and another user. it just rubs me the wrong way so i have to point out a few things that don’t sit right with me. this is going to be a long one. sorry y’all.

what started this was @/riize119 making a “callout” post accusing melo of being ot6 and soft blocking/breaking their mutual because she posted about seunghan. this is not true. anyone who knows and follows melo knows this; she still posts about seunghan and she has never spoken ill of him. ever.

melo reached out to her as soon as she was made aware of the post via dms, (pictured below) but when she realized she was being avoided, she tried to state her stance in the replies of the original post. all of which were suspiciously removed. an anon pointed this out (also pictured below) and she claimed that melo was blocked, which is why the replies were hidden. but if that were true, how could she have messaged her privately or reblogged the post in response?

as you can see above, she has emphasized that she has melody blocked twice now. was this before or after she started getting push back for her post accusing her of something she’s very clearly not?

and below, she accuses melo of sending her hate asks. something that melo hasn’t done and wouldn’t do. melo tried to handle this with you privately, you brought the issue public and ignored her attempts at speaking to you, and she posted publicly just like you did. i find it extremely unfair of you to pin the negative reception against her and not let her defend herself. rather immature, no?

as for 01zfan, you also accused her of being ot6 and hating seunghan. which, again, is false. as you can see here, she actually has a post detailing why she doesn’t write for seunghan. and, shocker, none of it indicates that she hates seunghan. i’ve included a screenshot of that post as well.

her post very clearly stated that she got into riize and then his hiatus began, she supports him and would support his return in riize if sm goes that direction, but she just can’t see herself writing for him when his future in the group is so uncertain. which is valid.

another problem i can’t seem to get to make sense is the fact that a) you either have been sitting on that screenshot for months to try to have some sort of gotcha moment or b) you stalked melody’s blog trying to find something. that ask was answered all the way back in march, and quite frankly? she said nothing wrong. it’s sad that seunghan has been blocked from so many releases since november, but we’re always holding out hope that sm gets their shit together the next time. if you see that as her not wanting to talk about him, that’s your perception. but as someone who has had many, many, many private conversations about seunghan and our hope for his return, i can assure you that’s not the case.

i just find this whole situation so weird and i’m trying to understand the motive behind a post like this and ignoring every attempt to talk to you as an adult.

[stevebabey]

Hi hi hi!! Congratulations so much on your milestone! I haven’t been following for very long but you are one of my favorite Steve writers, bar none. Thanks for sharing your writing with the internet 💖

📽 If I may step behind the beaded curtain of Family Video…

Post-battle, one of the many you’ve shared with Steve, and you just want to stop thinking. Thinking hurts, especially when you think about the fact that you almost just lost each other!! Steve is being lovey and sweet and altogether way too nice while you make out so you bite his lip, ruck your hands through his hair, roll your hips a little harder. He lets you flip him underneath you, but it’s still not enough, so you’re pulling at his mouth and fisting his shirt in ur hands and avoiding eye contact bc if you cry that’s it, it’s over, he won’t fuck you like you want it. But of course he notices, and tries to soothe you, “baby baby honey. Please. Shhhh. Talk to me” with kisses on your cheeks and petting at your hair and worry creasing his brow. And godammit if he doesn’t make you talk to him like a healthy adult who processes their feelings 🙄 before eating you out while holding ur hands for comfort. And maybe he doesn’t fuck you like you want it, but definitely how you NEED it. He always knows 🥺

(I’m sorry if that’s too long I just got so excited to share this and talk with you and if it’s not your style I totally understand and congrats regardless!!!!)

anon u came to the RIGHT place for some tender loving sex i am ALL for that shit!!! also hello!!!! i’m so very pleased to have u here!! u make me blush honey, and yes indeed come behind da beaded curtain hehe - also DAMN i do not know how to shut up apparently, i sat down to write this, fixed myself a g&t and clearly went a bit insane <3 hope u love! 18+ content below the cut MDNI

maybe it’s a bit too much of a close call this time, or it’s just that you’ve been here too many times but either way your nerves are frayed tonight— and the solution lies in steve’s arms. there’s something bout the skin-to-skin that soothes one part of you entirely while setting another part aflame- you love him and you nearly lost him tonight and it sets you about with a burning desire, nearly delirious in how his lips feel against yours, how he feels pressed against you when you grind in his lap and clutch at his shirt- you’re tugging at the fabric but don’t even pause your kisses for a moment, just try to tug it up and off. it’s the first sign to steve that tonight is different, that you’re needier than usual. he murmurs his assurances of love, soft and low, “it’s alright, honey,” he mumbles between the heated kisses, “we’re both alright, we made it out,” and he gives what you want, his shirt off and then your own

but he’s being soft, all delicate and caring with you and normally you adore that- the sweet lovebites scattered along your neck that’ll be gone by morning- tonight, instead it feels like you’re treated like glass, like in your mind maybe he’s still preparing to say goodbye in some twisted final way — so you use your hands to press him down, knees straddling his waist and try your best to let the message sink in; if he fucks you rough, it’s like none of the hurt of tonight happened, like the shit you went through didn’t happen at all. hands in his hair, hips rolling down sinfully and pulling groans from his throat, you reattach your mouths and desperation pours from your lips- you don’t want to slow down, to think about what you’ve both barely escaped and agonisingly, steve can tell — his hands grasp your face and halt your kisses but the moment you pause, you won’t look at him, can’t look at him. suddenly you’re embarrassed and steve is all quiet murmurs, “hey, hey, honey, what’s this? what’s going on with my girl?” and his nose nudges against yours, encouraging u to answer and your voice is smaller than ever as you give some pititful excuse, some line that usually riles him up, “just wanna feel you, stevie, just wanna fuck you,” and you grind down on him

steve knows you better than that though and though he hisses, pleasure spiking at the grind you give, he moves his hands to stop your hips- the movement they pause, his hands climb up and cradle your face as his features give away his worry. there’s a terrible furrow in his brown, eyes pooled with concern and he pulls you close, dozens of kisses against your cheeks, your nose, your forehead as he murmurs to you, “honey, please, talk to me,” and you do exactly what you’d been trying to avoid, fat tears welling in your eyes and shit, now you’re crying but it’s like it’s exactly what steve’s expecting — his arms are ready to hold every piece of you together while you cry shakily, whispered fears and confessions of love he’s already heard before and steve listens to it all- his kisses take your tears and when you calm, fear finally taking the back burner in your mind and breathing normal, he’s ready n waiting for you. “d’you want to just sleep?” he checks, lovingly and your shaking your head no quickly; you weren’t lying before, there’s an itch under your skin that can be sated only by his touch. steve doesn’t seem surprised but rolls the both of you over, kissing you with a bit more fervour now that he knows you’re truly alright - then he’s moving down the bed, kisses against your collarbones, down your sternum and when you voice your confusion steve’s raspy voice just says, “shh, it’s alright, lemme take care of my girl, yeah? you gonna let me take care of you?” his rough hands are already teasing the inside of your thighs so you can’t help but sigh out a yes

and he does take good care of you, one hand intertwined with yours as the heat of his mouth works your cunt, drawing whines and whimpers out- you’re clutching his hair and feeling hot in your skin, squeezing his hand as steve whispers his praise to you, “that’s it, so good f’me, doing so well,” until you’re spilling over the edge and quivering beneath his touch- but steve’s not done and he can tell you aren’t from the look in your eye. he’s somehow managed to melt away an extra layer of stress that you only notice in its absence so when he kisses back up your tummy and stretches you nice on his cock, you keen and melt into him, completely unwound— steve’s just as he was in the beginning, soft and sweet, all i love you’s scattered between the moans but you can tell know this is exactly what you need. you’re chest to chest and only trying to get closer, fingernails clawing at his back- you’d crawl into his skin if you could- and steve fucks you through it perfectly and you somehow come apart at how he just knows — he knows you, knows what you need and when to give it to you and that’s a kind of love you don’t think you’ll ever get used to- it’s a flurry of rushed kisses and sweet words, steve urging you with a rasp to cum with him, pleading and whimpering into your neck until you both come undone. you fall asleep in his arms to the ghost of a kiss in your hair

[galedekarios]

1/2 hi!! your answer was helpful to me! thank you so much ~~ If you don’t mind, i’m still going to bother you with a question or two. i’ve seen some reports of people failing to trigger gale’s romance scene during the party after saving halsin bc gale turned them down even though they did get the weave scene. (Sorry, this message is going to be in two part as well!)

2/2 so the question number one is the following: is getting the new? in essence? loss scene/convo still required if you wanna trigger the romance? the other question is that is it even possible to get that scene before the party? that's all! to avoid spoilers you can be as vague as you want! yes/no answer is enough ~ i'm fine with spoilers btw but i can understand if you want to avoid giving them!

i'm glad i could help you!

let me try to answer that as far as i can at the moment:

you can get that scene before the party and do his romance, which has been 'slowed down'. i rather like it that way, personally. it suits gale.

my friend is playing the game, too, and they did get the scene after the party, but were still able to progress the romance.

i hope this is as vague as it can be to not spoil you either, anon, but is still somewhat helpful!

i think the only thing to keep in mind really is to take gale along across the entire map and do as much as you can. pay attention when he has the !.

another good thing to keep in mind is to just click on him sometimes in camp or when you are travelling whether or not he's asking for a convo.

🖤

all in all -- so far at least -- i've had the experience that you can't really miss it or mess it up in act i.

i'm unsure so far how act ii is going, but that is because it's brandnew to me.

again, i hope i could help you at least a little bit!

[broomsick]

I am a very, very new Pagan. I've been interested in it for awhile but have finally taken the dive to start actively participating. It's nerve-wracking and exciting all at once! Are there any tips or words you have for someone like me? Part of me loves the freedom that one's path is so personal but also there's a part of me that is almost overwhelmed by that concept? There's so many things I can do or learn about and I almost don't know where to begin or where to continue. Again just so many nerves but so much excitement as well.

Thank you in advance for your time of reading this, and answering.

Hi there! Welcome to this path! The few tips I’d give you are thus: always fact-check your stuff. Don’t take in every piece of information you find without asking questions! There’s loads and loads of contradictory claims out there, so take your time to figure out what you believe and what feels right. Most importantly, don’t instantly believe everything someone tells you, especially if they claim to speak for a God/spirit. Always stay skeptical to this type of behavior. It’s sad to say but there are a few people out there who either want to be praised for their supposed spiritual skill or to rob people of their money, and they will claim anything to make that happen. You are the judge and you’re the one who’s best indicated to interpret your deities’ messages. Also, remember that there isn’t a right way to practice and neither is there a right way to believe: as long as you avoid appropriating from closed practices, you’re free to build your own spiritual path from scratch and you don’t need anybody’s approval for that.

Now, I really hope you find a good circle of friends, in here! You’ll see we’re quite a warm and welcoming community! You can ask questions, even if you think they’re “dumb”: it’s like high school teachers say, there are no dumb questions, ahaha! I wish for this path to be extremely comfortable and fulfilling to you. As for the place where you should start? There are loads of different options, so I understand why you might feel a little lost. But there’s no “wrong” place for you to start, so you don’t have to worry about taking a wrong step. What’s a pagan topic that interests you more? Folklore? Practice? Holidays? Mythology? Just pick something that intrigues you a lot and start from there. Look into it and I’m sure it’ll give you loads of great ideas to build you beliefs and practices. Don’t let the freedom of paganism overwhelm you, because you have lots and lots of time to figure things out step by step, at your own pace.

[etherealspacejelly]

Hi! I hope I’m not bothering you with this but I have an issue and I don’t know who else to ask. I’m pretty sure I have adhd and realizing this has helped me rationalize a lot of my actions and feelings. However, I’m still having lots of trouble ti RSD. These days I’ve been crying a lot over a friend of mine who seems to not really want to speak with me? We’re long distance and she’s one of the ppl I like the most because we have long conversations usually and understand each other. This year though it seems different. I understand being busy (we’re both in highschool) but she told me herself that she avoids opening my texts bc i send a lot and she couldn’t be bothered and then I just send more and that makes it worse? (i’m paraphrasing here because i’m also translating, she said it less harshly). I don’t understand because I like when she texts me a lot? It’s honestly a delight. When she replies it’s basically a fluke and then she’s back to being mia for another week, we basically can’t have a conversation most of the time. I’d have gotten the hint, believe me, but then for a week I didn’t text her and she complained about it. She also says often she wants to call me. Last Friday I asked her if she wanted to call and she still hasn’t replied. She must’ve seen the text unless she deactivated notifications from me. One time we were set on a call time and she forgot and didn’t open my texts. This was after she’d complained to me once that I couldn’t do a call one day because I had to go out with my friends. When I told her about the call she’d forgotten she said sorry but that I’d sent too many texts (I swear it’s like one or two per day? She doesn’t want to listen to long vocal texts either but I think that just means she doesn’t want to hear from me because it’s not like we talk in real life? I think that if she doesn’t like what I have to say or to hear from me then we should not talk at all?) When we talk on the phone we talk for hours though and when we’re together we have lots of fun and can spend hours having deep conversations. Sorry for the long ask but this is a thing that’s been bothering me for months now and I have no one to ask. I’m trying to understand if it’s the adhd or a real issue? I’ve had moments in the past in which I had a strong frustration and once I’d made it the other person’s problem I realized that it was kind of stupid? This has just been making me tear up a lot every time I think about it and I’m confused on what I should do.

i think the only thing you can do is talk it out with her. i dont know her side of the story here. it might be that shes just going through a tough time and receiving lots of messages is overwhelming.

i know from personal experience that sometimes, no matter how much you like someone and like talking to them, answering a message just feels too exhausting.

my boyfriend is a serial multi-texter. im talking on average 5-7 messages in a row when i open my phone. i love talking to him, of course i do, and i love him very much, but sometimes that can be very overwhelming and i have to mute his notifications for a bit. that doesnt mean i suddenly hate him, i just need a bit of space sometimes. and he knows that if he has an emergency and im not responding he can send me a message on normal text instead of dm and that will definitely get through.

it might be that your friend is feeling the same way. she loves you, she loves talking to you, but at times she gets overwhelmed and needs some space. ask her if she would like to set some boundaries around this to make her more comfortable, and if she does please make sure to respect those boundaries.

she might feel that if she tells you how shes feeling she will upset you, and she doesnt want to hurt your feelings.

but then again, this is all speculation. i dont know you or your friend. talk to her, communication is key to any relationship.

good luck, anon! i hope you get things sorted out :]

[eyes-on-jesus]

Hi Caroline! ❤️ I am SO sorry because this might be long so take your time to answer please don’t rush!

This is embarrassing and difficult for me to admit but you always make me feel like I can come here to find peace with Jesus and because it’s anon here haha!

My ex boyfriend made me doubt my own faith by constantly telling me that if I was having a bad day or felt a bit sad or tried to talk to him about something he would either tell me I was ‘talking too much’ or acted uninterested or told me that I clearly was not Christian enough or walked with Jesus if I had a bad day yet would then tell me that he’d been sinning the same day he was constantly patronising me. I still felt like he was somehow ‘superior’ at points because of my own human nature and also things he would say to me that would generally make me feel like I would never be good enough (even though for ages my point was to say to him that I believe none of us are and that’s why Jesus died and why we need him) but it was like my own morals and understanding. Anyway, he ended up breaking up with me out of nowhere and blamed me for ‘my’ problems whilst constantly reminding me of things in my past that I gave to Jesus. He did this in public and then told his friends my personal business.

We ended up working things out as friends because we go to the same church and have some of the same friends at church and things actually felt good like I was glad I wasn’t in a relationship with him but like working things out / being civil was at peace. THEN, he tells me again out of nowhere that he doesn’t even want to speak to me or really be around me the day before just the 5 of us from the church were on a trip. He basically said that if I went he wouldn’t and I ended up telling him to just go and I wouldn’t. Jesus has done amazing, wonderful and incredible things in my life - I owe everything to him and right now I feel like I don’t think about this guy *too* much other than seeing him at church etc because he makes a big deal to act ‘holier than thou’ too… I hate that when I see him I honestly feel so angry and sometimes I just don’t want the best for him which is so horrible I know and I cried at my own heart that the very fact I want people to be ok but yet I don’t want the best for him after all of this, it’s like I want him to have some consequences for his actions and it’s horrible that I even think that but also part of me still does care deeply and even after we broke up initially I would have done anything to help him and I did time and time again and he even admitted that he used me and would be toying around with the idea of being close to me or not for his own enjoyment I guess :(

I’m at the point where I appreciate the people (leaders and worship team) at my church SO much beyond anything with how they have helped me. But I also don’t know if I should try to change churches for a while if this is how I feel or if I should even try to stay and deal with it but yeah. I guess any advice you have would be amazing and prayer if you would like to angel 🙏❤️ thank you if you took the time to read this and I hope God blesses your day beyond measure!

Hello dear. Thank you for taking the time to message me all this, I love getting messages and feeling needed so I really appreciate you taking the time.

First I wanna say, your Ex is abusive. What you are describing is literally emotional abuse and it breaks my heart that this happened to you. So many things that you were describing are so messed up on his behalf and it even makes me angry for you reading this.

My opinion is, that you should distance yourself from him and his friends at church and find a group of girls to hang out with that understand you and support you. I would not do group activities with your Ex if it's avoidable in any way. You guys need to grow apart and not be involved in each others lives anymore. It's not healthy for yall to be friends and still have contact. You need to be able to move on and be free from his influence. And have the chance to meet someone new, away from him. I can't stress this enough, stay away from him completely.

About changing churches: Don't. This is your community. These are your people. Do not let an abusive man destroy your life and your love towards all these important connections at church if it's avoidable. If there is real distance between yall and you are in different circles than him, I think you should be ok. I think your most important challenge rn is to find a new group of people to hang with and to entrust yourself to. The only way I would actually switch churches is if He keeps being abusive from afar and ruins your whole experience at church and you don't feel happy there anymore. But that would be so sad. I hope you find solutions.

About mental health: Having a bad day or a rough time does NEVER mean that your relationship with Christ is not strong enough. That's an old fashioned, outdated myth for christians who are not educated about mental health.

About not wishing the best for your ex: I totally understand. I think forgiveness is important but in order to forgive an abuser, there needs to be distance. If He is still active, it's very difficult to not be super angry and resentful, even if that's a bad thing. You need space to forgive. That's normal. Forgiveness doesn't mean staying in each others life and rekindeling relazionship.

I pray that you will find a new friend group at church. That you will create lots and lots of distance between you and your Ex and that you will find people to confide in that support you and that church will be a safe place for you. I pray that you find a group of girls that will become very very close friends. And that if things don't change and Jesus tells you it's time to leave, you will without looking back. I pray for you to be open to love again when it's time and that you will never be with someone abusive again. In Jesus name, Amen ♡

If you want to be friends and talk more, feel free to DM me any time ♡

[wednak]

A Message for Weddud

Dear Weddud,

My god have I mulled over this, trying to figure out what to say, how to behave or whether or not to just let it all go. The truth is that regardless of how hard I’ve been trying, I don’t have any answers.

I’ve spent so many hours trying to reflect and analyze so I could come to a place where I feel like I know the right path of thought or of action, with any sense of surety or finality. And at the end of it all, what I keep coming back to is that I do not know. Maybe it’s okay to not know and maybe that is an answer in itself but either way those are not the reason I am writing this today.

Because one thing that I do know is that every time I said I cared more about your well-being than my ego and selfish desire to have you in my life, I truly meant it.

There was a time when I thought that meant I had to let you reap the natural consequences of your actions. So that maybe you could have the same aha moment I did one day and break free of your trauma in way similar to how I did. I still kinda think that in a way. But not entirely.

I remember one of the things I thought over and over again last year was “If he cared about me as much as he does his gym goals, he wouldn’t be acting this way.” I thought that if you couldn’t care about keeping me in your life with the same dedication and commitment that you had for achieving your PRs then you didn’t care about me enough to deserve having me. And so I very intentionally decided to take a step back and instead let you show me where we stood.

But one of the few things that I actually have come to realize is that maybe you physically can’t care about me or anyone else the same way you care about the gym for example. The gym is your safe space, your place of refuge, the thing that kept you alive and pulled you out of the darkness that threatened to overtake you, maybe even still does. The gym has never hurt and scarred you, the same way people have. You can control the gym, trust it and be it’s master. Of course you wouldn’t be able to do this with people. People are the very thing that caused your trauma in the first place so of course you wouldn’t be able to care about and trust them in the same way, even if you really wanted to.

So I shouldn’t be able to blame you or be resentful for something that you did not choose out of your own accord. None of the things that have happened to you and have shaped who you are today are things that you chose to experience.

I went into writing this with the intention of not making any assumptions about you and then I’ve just gone ahead and made a whole lot of assumptions. But I’ve thought about it for a bit and I think that perhaps, after everything we’ve been through, I might be “entitled” to make at at least a couple. They could very well be wrong anyway, I’m not naive enough to think I understand you to any degree of accuracy, especially now, but I do hope when you get to the end of this, you’ll understand why I’ve decided to make them and that there is a purposeful intention behind everything I‘m saying.

I know deep down behind that avoidant and cold facade of yours, there is someone who was abandoned and disregarded and ridiculed over and over again, to the point where you’ve become lost and trapped in a wrongful self-perception that never should have been yours in the first place. A deeply-engrained and self-perpetuating cycle of self-sabotage and stuckness that keeps you misaligned on such a fundamental level.

I’ve thought long and hard about what the point of writing this is and how to make it all sound like it isn‘t just platitudes. I think maybe the point of it is this: It doesn’t have to be like this EG. You can break out of the cycle of constantly running away from your ghosts, feeling like you can never slow down and everything you hold dear always seems to be slipping through your fingers. Life doesn’t have to be so heavy that you only find refuge in the gym or in reckless, dangerous and self-sabotaging behavior. You don‘t have to be so numb that the only time you feel alive is when you‘re going too fast on your motorbike. Life can be processed and dealt with and FELT without having the pain overcome you. It can be tragic in all its entirety but also beautiful and magical. You aren’t doomed to some fate just because of your genetics, your childhood, a diagnosis or the decisions you’ve made since. And you never have been. You can find the light again and feel the meaning and grace in experiencing a life that encompasses ALL the emotions, not just the good ones.

But the truth is, you have to be willing to make that change and work for it. I won’t ever be able to pull you out of it with my care and my patience and my understanding, regardless of how badly I may have wanted to try. Nor will anybody else. You can’t drown it out of existence or rationalize it away. And it won’t eventually go away just because you’ve “gotten it out of your system”. It’s not just a phase or a habit that can be broken. Trauma is real, every part of it. It is deep and all-encompassing and it is not something that anyone chooses to experience or even to perpetuate. And it’s not something anybody should ever be ashamed of. It’s like the devil that possesses the best of us and is nearly impossible to shake. I understand that it might be the scariest thing to even just think about facing the darkness that once threatened to engulf you.

But it can be faced. And it can be shaken.

I’m not gonna sit here and lecture you about how all of it can just go away and you’ll live happily ever after. It’ll never go away completely. But trauma CAN be healed enough in order to get to a place where you can control it, not have it control you.

I’ve experienced it myself and I’ve seen countless stories of people doing it. Change is possible if you give yourself the chance to actually pursue it and not just put it off by saying “behavior change takes time”.

I made you a promise once that regardless of what you and I did to sabotage and destroy our presence in each other’s lives, I would never abandon you the way everyone else has. Now I don’t mean that in the romantic sense because quite frankly, I could write 5 of these essays and still not have come any closer to making any sort of conclusion as to our compatibility and dysfunction. After everything we’ve been through there is so much of our own shared trauma that we’ve created that it would take significant effort on both our parts to work through it together. And that isn’t the topic of this essay anyway nor is it reason I’m finally writing. Because your priority needs to be you, and only you. Not self-prioritization masked as continuing self-sabotage and self-abandonment. Real prioritization because you too, deserve to break free from the life you think you are doomed to live.

Like I said before, I started writing the essay saying I wasn’t going to speculate on your experiences or make any assumptions. I realized halfway through that I am most definitely making many of those. I am making assumptions based on the years of having known you. I am making assumptions based on having watched you play the part of tortured soul for so long and default to distrust everyone you meet. I have watched you surround yourself with unworthy people that I know you hate, just so you could perpetuate a narrative and belief that insists you also are unworthy. I have seen you say one thing and then do the complete opposite, over and over and over again. Trapped in cycles of wanting and pushing away. Slaving away towards a better future but all the while just running in one spot and never actually moving forward in any meaningful way. I have watched you create the most beautiful mind with an extraordinary value system for yourself over the years, but never have I actually seen you operate your life and make choices based on that value system at all.

Behaviors like this exist for a reason. They are coping mechanisms and trauma reactions that are designed to protect you from pain. But if held on too long, they actually become the chains that bind you and cause more suffering and pain than you ever experienced in the first place. I know you have what it takes to break out of these chains EG. You’re the most determined mf 🐐 I‘ve ever known. You’ve broken every gym goal you’ve ever set for yourself. If you actually tried with the same kind of commitment, you could break this too.

Even if everyone in your life (including you) may have abandoned hope for you, I will never do so because I continue to see who you could become and I’ll spend my life trying to push you to become that person.

Even if everyone and everything in your life is trying to pull you deeper into the dysfunction or to abandon you to it, I’m never gonna give into either of those things. I know what the darkness and the agony and the self-hatred feel like. I’ve swam in those waters for so many years and I understand their allure. How it becomes an addiction to loathe yourself while pretending everything is fine. As with any addiction, your brain tricks you into WANTING to hold onto it and fearing to let it go because for some fucked up reason, the self-loathing feels GOOD.

It has the devil’s name written all over it.

It’s hell on earth.

And there is an entire religion founded on the principles of mastering the devil‘s attempts at possession so that you can learn how to truly be free and experience heaven in all its glory.

So start surrendering yourself to God, not just in your mind but in your actions.

Or look up EMDR. Or Dr. Gabor Mate (!!). Or commit to learning about Weddud the same way you commit to the gym. Don’t hide behind labels and diagnoses as if they were irreversible and start to learn about how every decision you make is a learned coping mechanism that can be unlearned. Stop neglecting yourself with willful ignorance and watch how your entire sense of self starts to transform.

There are many, many things you could do to allow yourself to create the life that you deserve to be living. It doesn’t have to just be religion or just be therapy. It doesn’t matter what you do or where you start as long as you don’t give up.

Everything we have been through has made my heart break in more ways than I ever could have imagined possible when we first met in 2017. But I mean it from the bottom of my beautiful patchwork heart, letting yourself be dragged to hell by the devil and never even trying to fight it, that will break my heart more than any mount of loss or earthly separation ever could.

Interestingly, this essay feels very similar in energy to the last one I wrote on here. But I think what happened then is that even though we might have had the best of intentions, perhaps we both fell back into patterns of using each other as emotional crutches that continue to perpetuate the same cycles. I’m no longer interested in recreating cycles like that. Both of our behavior may be understood in the context of our past but that doesn’t mean they have to be excused.

What I am interested in however, is offering you the support and encouragement that anyone of us may need when embarking on such a journey. Helping you to safety, the way you did me, with real and meaningful actions and accountability, not with meaningless sweet talk about an imagined future that just vanishes from one moment to the next.

If you ever get to the point where you hate yourself so much you cannot continue to bare it; if everything in your life disgusts you to the point that it hurts, if you understand that the only way forward is to actually start to change; or if you ever just need extra support in holding you accountable because you do not trust yourself to do it, please know that I always am (and will continue to be) right here.

And if you are reading all of this and it does not resonate with you right now, that is okay too dear Weddud. Just because it was the right point in my timeline for me to say it, does not mean it needs to be the right time for you to hear it just yet.

I started this off by saying that I do not have any answers to the questions I‘ve been asking myself day in and day out for the last few months. Sometimes I don’t know if I haven’t gone mad. What is the purpose of this bond that I have so blindly stumbled into? This thing that neither of us actually chose to create. Why is it that regardless of all the hurt and the pain and how hard I may try, I cannot escape it? Why has god shackled me to this bond with you? Why won’t he release me from it, even though when we try, we cannot be together without imploding? Why won’t he release me from being faithful to a man who has betrayed me over and over and over again since the very first day that we met? How can this thing that feels like heaven on earth also feel like absolute hell? Is this divinity or is it just another trauma addiction? Am I grossly misunderstanding the role we are supposed to be playing in each other’s lives or am I just too afraid to fulfill the role that feels so obvious?

Look. I said before that I do not have the answers to any of these questions. I do not know why this world has shackled me to someone who resides in hell and whose fire continues to burn me and set me aflame. The only reason I can think of is because I have a role to play in helping you extinguish your fire. The same way you had a role to play in helping me extinguish mine.

I don’t know what will happen when our fires are out. If that is when this bond is released or when it only begins. I guess that is for God to know and for us to find out. So the last thing I want to say is this:

We all get tried in the fire EG but that does not mean we have to reside there. So if you ever find yourself wanting to find your way out of hell, I will be here and pass along all of the water I have.

————

Alrighti, for the fact that I have written to you again and again for nearly a year, always deleting or stacking away the papers, racking my brain as to what to say or if to say anything at all, procrastinating out of fear of taking any sort of action or even as much as knocking on a door that was very intentionally closed, all of these words really just flowed out of me without any previous planning or overanalyzing whatsoever.

One might call them careless whispers. But I actually think they are pretty care-full ;)

Non refert ubi es, ego semper est tecum,

Niknak

[hassedah]

How would boys react to MC wanting a child with them ?

Request posted under the message Request Open.

Hi ! ^^

I hope you are well ! Here is the headcanon you requested ^^ I hope you like it.

Have a nice day and take care of yourself ^^

Mention of death in Ethan and Neil's section.

Vladimir :

It takes him a while to understand the question. He looked at you for several seconds in total silence, so much so that you thought he would refuse. Then he finally opened his mouth to mumble.

"It's not that I'm against it but... are you sure you want a baby with me?"

"Of course with you" You answer not without surprise as the question seems ridiculous.

He looks so surprised that it is unsettling. He even doubts a little that what is happening is real. He feels that the world around him is extremely distant and he even has a little trouble hearing your voice. You want a baby... with him! Your question is repeated over and over in his head and it makes him dizzy. He needs to sit down to avoid falling.

To be honest, he always dreamed of it. As a child, he imagined himself being as good a father as his father. He could see himself looking after his little ones, telling them stories, teaching them lots of things, playing with them, growing old with his partner in his little mansion watching his grandchildren play in the living room. He imagined his ideal life during the first ten years of his life when he could not go out to play.

Unfortunately, he realised as he got older that this would never be something for him. Already women were not after him, despite what he told Beliath. None of them wanted to risk being seen as a potential partner, let alone risk having a child like him. And when he tried to inherit his father's factory, to prove that he could have a future and provide an income for his family, it was quickly made clear that no one would want him here either. And... with his transformation, he gave up the idea altogether.

He would never have dared to propose the idea himself and he is really afraid that it is a joke. If you want a child with him he is more than willing to accept it, many of them if you want it. He might even cry about it, and he will. He feels his eyes sting and his chest swells with happiness. However, he still hasn't answered you and you're about to go looking for Ethan because you're now afraid he's going to pass out.

His life is finally beginning to take the turn he has always dreamed of. You hug him when you see his eyes shining with tears and you don't understand what is happening to him at all. It takes him a while to calm down, as he feels like he is floating on a cloud.

So after several long minutes he finally speaks again and you are more than relieved to see him move again. He accepts of course you couldn't please him more.

Béliath :

He looked at you for several seconds after your question, waiting to see if it was a joke or a real proposal. He said it in jest the first time he proposed it, he didn't expect you to take him seriously enough to propose it back. Don't get me wrong, he does want to have a child... but he doesn't know how to take care of a green plant, so a baby...

"That's a lot of responsibility isn't it?" he finally mutters.

“I think that we can do it.”

He does not accept immediately. Far be it from him to slow you down in your idea, but he doesn't know if he can do it. He's just having a bit of trouble imagining himself as a dad. He should probably slow down on his evenings at the Moondance, you're not going to look after your child alone. Besides, he doesn't know how to look after a baby. He's never been around one...

And how can I put it... his mother probably killed his father and his only example of a "responsible" adult during his entire childhood was his sister. He's not going to complain about Léandra, he clearly couldn't have dreamt of a better sister, especially compared to the other succubi, she loved and protected him throughout his childhood. The big problem is that he has no idea what it's like to be a father. He's really afraid of screwing up completely and making his baby as miserable as the stones.

On the other hand, he knew that Vladimir had already taken care of children, yet the mere idea of asking him for advice already makes him tongue-tied.  He could also ask Aaron but... he doesn't want to offend the poor wolf, but Aaron is a bully and he'd prefer his baby to be raised with a little more delicacy and not come home covered in mud every night... Anyway, he doubts he can count on Ethan for this one, he can see the horrified look on the doctor's face when a child passes by them.

Also, your child would be a quarter incubus or succubus. He's afraid it won't be easy either and... no he'll have to ask his sister for advice there's no doubt about it. Could it have wings or horns? He doesn't know, it scares him a bit and what will he eat? Will we have to go and get some blood for it? And will it sleep during the day or night?

And a child is fragile. Well, now the Asmodeus problem is solved, but there will be other dangers and some of them could be lurking for your baby. And what are you going to do if he gets sick ? Well, there's Ethan, but what if Ethan can't do anything? What will happen?

You will probably have to reassure him a little before he accepts. Because finally, he wants this child with you, he wants it, but for the moment he is too afraid of making mistakes to take the step. Despite what Vladimir says, Beliath is far from being as irresponsible as that, especially on such an important subject. 

He will probably accept after a few days of questions and hesitation. He is still not fully reassured, but he decides to trust you.

Ivan :

When you asked him, he stopped functioning altogether. You could see him blink several times as if his soul had suddenly left his body. You had to call out to him several times before he could speak again and exclaim.

"Huh! What?!"

He is still a child himself! How could he handle a baby?! Seriously, Aaron doesn't dare let him go out alone and he feels incapable of taking care of a child. Vladimir doesn't even dare to give him a cactus to look after!

He'll probably go and ask Aaron for his opinion before he gives you his answer. Spoiler: Aaron thinks it's a terrible idea (he almost fell off his chair when he heard it). He will also ask Raphael and Vladimir. Raphael encourages him to agree because he's not as responsible as you'd think and Vladimir chokes on his tea when Ivan brings up the idea (Seriously, he's afraid Ivan isn't responsible enough). When Ethan and Beliath hear about your idea, the doctor immediately comes to you both and calls you irresponsible before swearing that he won't take care of your baby if there's a problem (Not true of course). Beliath is totally against the idea too and is very keen to strangle Raphael when he sees him encouraging you in your idea.

The advantage is that you quickly get everyone's opinion on the matter, even those you haven't asked... The disadvantage is that they think they know everything better than you do about what to do or not to do. In the end, you send them all packing, making it clear that what happens between you and Ivan is nobody's business but yours.

And with all his opinions Ivan doesn't know what to do. One night he thinks yes, the next he says no. He asks you several times why you would want a child with a loser like him and sincerely thinks that the other boys are right. He is far too irresponsible to take care of a baby.

You reassure him as best you can by pointing out that they are all single and childless and that most of them have probably never been around a child for more than a few minutes. Furthermore, you point out that given the times they come from, you clearly don't want their old-fashioned parenting advice, let alone their opinion. This reassures him a little but not enough to accept. 

It takes him a few weeks to consider the idea and finally accept it. He's mostly worried that he won't be up to the task. He's already had a hard time adjusting to his new life as a vampire, so raising a baby vampire with you seems like an extremely difficult task. He doesn't even know how a baby vampire works, he already doesn't know how to take care of a human baby.

Aaron :

He remained silent for a short while, looking thoughtful, when you suggested the idea before finally answering you.

"It's a lot of responsibility.“

He would like to discuss it further first. If you do end up having a child a lot of things will have to change in the manor. The chimneys will have to be closed, it's far too dangerous to leave them open with a baby running around the manor, and the staircases will have to be gated.

He is not against the idea. But he never imagined himself as a father, after his life as a mercenary and the monstrosities he may have committed or seen during his life. He doesn't know if he will be gentle enough with the baby. He knows that he was never a very good social person and in his time babies were not looked after as much as in yours. He is afraid of not knowing how to do it, of hurting him, or of hurting you by leaving you with too much work.

And he doesn't know how a vampire/werewolf hybrid baby would react. He knows that the first transformation for cubs happens at the second or third full moon depending on the baby and he is very afraid of the situation. He's going to have to go hunting with a cub, and he doesn't need to leave Saint-Cyr to know that you're going to be worried, and secondly, he hasn't had to deal with many werewolf babies in his life.

And for the vampire side, he really has no idea how a baby vampire works. It's so rare that he's never met one, and the only one he knows who was born a vampire and Beliath, and he doesn't really want to ask the chaotic incubus who is his friend for advice.

And even if he agreed, he would have to find a room for the baby, toys, time. He has to go out hunting in the forest every day and he has to keep looking after Ivan... and the others... So a baby that will really need his presence. It's a big responsibility. But, as the weeks go by, he starts to get used to the idea.

But he is in no hurry to tell the others about your project. He can already hear Raphael and Vladimir rejoicing, and Ethan complaining. Well, at least the advantage is that your child won't be short of company.

He has bought a few books on parenting to get an idea of how to raise a child in your time. He finds it very complicated, and comes back to discuss it with you several times.

He finally agrees after a few weeks of discussion. You seem convinced and he has no real argument against it. After all, he wants this child too and he has no doubt that between the two of you you will be able to protect your child and make him happy.

Raphaël :

He was silent for about the first ten seconds before his face suddenly lit up. You want a child with him, clearly, this is the best night of his life.

“Yes! Yes, of course I do!"

He's as excited about it as you are. No, he's more excited,He's been babbling since you proposed your idea. It only takes a few minutes for everyone to know that you want a child.

Seriously, he's going to have to put the brakes on because he's already on the verge of buying all the equipment he needs to look after it, right down to the latest pushchair that costs a fortune. The worst thing is that Vladimir is encouraging him. Your baby is not yet born but already exists in their minds.

He talks about moving the furniture in your room to make room for a cot. The baby will be able to sleep with you for the first few month, and he can't imagine leaving him alone in the pink room when it's so far from yours. 

Raphael is always ready to discuss this with you. Whether it's about education or the layout of the room and the manor. And it's best to discuss it with him. He's so happy that he can hardly see the negative aspects of having a child. At the moment everything is just happiness for him, he is flying on a little cloud miles above the ground.

He doesn't really know how to take care of a child, let alone a baby. He feels ready to try it with you. He's not even afraid of potential difficulties at the moment. He'll probably think about it a bit later when he has the baby on his hands and realises that he has no idea how his strange little things work...

His happiness is so infectious that even Ethan has stopped sighing at the mention of your unborn child, he now just looks at you with a mixture of despair and fatality. And Aaron has promised to build a cot for your child if he stops nagging him about it every night.

Raphael is already suggesting names and you cringe at most of them because they are so old-fashioned and completely out of fashion. Fortunately, Beliath and Ivan never fail to criticise them and you manage to make him forget most of them.

After the euphoria of the first few weeks, he finally starts to worry a little. A baby is fragile after all, Ethan keeps reminding anyone who will listen. And he sometimes doubts he's strong enough to protect him and make him happy. 

He talks to you about it often enough, but you always manage to reassure him. So he goes back to his euphoria, telling you how much he is looking forward to having a child with you. He just hopes he will be a good father.

Ethan :

Ethan paled when you asked him. He doesn't really feel up to it. He almost immediately refuses your proposal in the most anxious voice you've ever heard him use.

It's too much responsibility and he still has his PTSD eating away at him. He is also terrified that he will not be able to protect him. Of course, you reassure him that there is little chance of your child being in mortal danger, but he doesn't have enough faith in humanity to believe it. Clearly, he is afraid that he will not survive if you lose him, and worse, he is afraid that it is his fault. He has never been able to forget the lifeless body of that child, let alone the promise he made to his mother.

It will take some time before he even considers the idea and even longer before he accepts it. At first, he doesn't talk much about it with you, he even actively avoids it. You prefer not to bring up the subject until he does so on his own and it is only after several months that he finally comes back to you to discuss it. He still doesn't feel ready to have a child, but he feels secure enough with the idea to talk to you about it.

The discussions are rather short, especially at the beginning, he quickly interrupts them to change the subject. He remembers that when he was still human, he had this desire to start a family and have children.

He ends up telling Beliath about your idea. And he finds ihm far too enthusiastic for his liking. But in the end Beliath reassures him a little, because it is true that your child will not be in danger at the manor. There will be more than enough people to protect him and he will be constantly surrounded, even if you or Ethan are not there. After this discussion with the incubus, he feels a little better. And he is beginning to entertain the idea of having a child with you.

When he discusses it with you he seems a little more confident. Although he still hasn't agreed. He talks about things like education and the layout of the manor. He can see that you have enough confidence in him to take the idea seriously, you often have answers to all his concerns and you think he will make a good father. This helps to reassure him.

Finally, you give him time to make a decision without rushing him and he accepts your proposal after several months of discussion. He feels relieved that you did not try to force his hand and that you have confidence in him. He is still not completely reassured and he will still be afraid that something will happen to your child, but more because he wants to have this child with you and for him to be happy than because of his PTSD.

Neil :

After your proposal, he looks at you for a moment without saying anything before speaking.

"Do you want a baby?" He feels compelled to ask because he is not sure he understands what you have just asked him.

He has already had many children in his life and he doesn't know if he is ready to do it again.

He is very defeatist by nature, but imagine if the baby died... It's never nice to lose a child, even when you think it's stupid and useless (he thought many of his children were stupid and useless).

And it's a lot of maintenance. Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a small dog or a cat? It's less maintenance and it's independent more quickly. And a baby, you are doomed for at least twenty years. He may have lived for centuries, but he knows that twenty years can be a very long time.

And imagine if your baby is ill, it will need care - you can't really go out during the day to treat it. These are very fragile little things, a simple stomach bug can take it away in a few days. It's happened to him before, you can't plan for that.

And not everything in pregnancy goes well. You could have a problem even if you are perfectly healthy. What if your body can't handle childbirth? What if you leave it alone with the baby? He doesn't think he could forgive your child.

And frankly he's never been a very... effective, gentle... reassuring father... Well, his father was a jerk so he clearly didn't have an example to follow, but he recognises that he clearly doesn't have a good example of fatherhood either. He's sure he'll break him, and he's not sure he'll be able to appreciate him if his child doesn't live up to his expectations. He always has a bit of trouble with the... weak and the stupid.

He doesn't believe you at all when you tell him that he will love him. He's convinced that he won't. How could you possibly know that? He's not really an empathetic person, and he spends more time thinking about killing people than thinking about helping them.

And he knows that he has no patience with the weak, he will be unable to teach him anything if he does not learn quickly!

Clearly, he will discuss it with you several times, because after you have floated the idea, it is still in his head. He has even caught himself dreaming about having a baby. He still doesn't know if it was a nightmare or a dream, but he did dream about it.

When he comes back to the discussion, he is usually rather vague. He listens to you talk about it more than he talks about it.

Finally, it takes him several months to start to slowly change his mind. Of course, he is not empathetic, but you trust him, although he has a little trouble understanding why, but it is a fact. You are seriously thinking of having a child with him and have been for some time. Maybe he could finally try...

[just-jordie-things]

A Lover And A Fighter - Richie Tozier

word count: 3122 warnings: swearing, sight sexual harassment summary: Richie promised (y/n) that he wouldn’t get into fights anymore, but sometimes he just can’t help himself.  Especially when it comes to protecting her.

___

It was an understatement to say that Richie was protective of you.  The boy was downright insane about it.  Everyone in Derry knew not to fuck with (y/n), not unless they wanted Richie Tozier tracking them down and beating them half to death.

You’d given him a talk numerous times.  But not once did they work, it always went in one ear and out the other..

He’d beaten up three ex boyfriends, a couple guys that looked at you the wrong way, and Greta Keene.  He was proud of that amount.

But he’d promised that he would try his best not to act out on your behalf anymore.  And you made him pinky promise.  That’s a big deal.  And he didn’t want to break your trust or your promise.

However… once he walked past Henry Bowers and his dumbass friends, and heard your name being mentioned, he couldn’t stop himself from getting involved.

“What was that?” He spoke before he could think things through.

The boys turned to him, each bearing a scowl that wasn’t out of character.

“I said, (y/n’s) not fucking worth it,” Henry practically growled out.  “Now why don’t you fuck off, Tozier?”

“Your damn fucking right it’s not worth it,” Richie spat back, turning away, doing the right thing.  “I’d break your goddamn nose” He muttered under his breath.

“It’s not worth it to try and get in her pants,” Henry called out before Richie could walk far enough away.

He stopped in his tracks.

“Cause she’s such a slut anyways, it’s not a real victory to fuck-”

Richie had never whipped around so fast.  And with the punch he delivered went all common sense, and all the promises and reassurances he’d given you to prove he was going to ‘mature’ as you’d begged him to do. ___

“Hey, Richie,” You held your phone between your ear and shoulder as you painted your toes.  “This is like, my fifth message… so… call me back, I guess.  Okay, bye”

You sighed as you set the phone back on it’s holster.  Richie wasn’t the type of guy to stand you up, especially on taco tuesday.  And even if something came up, he always always, called.  But now he couldn’t even bother to return one of your calls, leaving you to assume that he was upset with you for some reason, and therefore ignoring you.

You weren’t sure what you did, and at this point, you also weren’t sure that he was going to tell you either.

When Richie didn’t want to talk to someone, he was the damn best at avoiding them.

But he’d never given you the cold shoulder.  And there was a time that you’d thought he never would.  Richie was your best friend, you trusted and confided in him more than anyone else, even the other Losers.  And in the last seven years of being his best friend, he’d never treated you this way.  In fact, he always treated you amazingly, like a princess, it was very surprising actually, the way he cared about you.

It was that care that always led him to picking fights where he shouldn’t be, though.  It started with your ex boyfriend.  He broke up with you once a ‘better, prettier’ girl showed interest (his words), and the next thing you knew, Richie was throwing him against the lockers.

When your next boyfriend straight up cheated on you, Richie took care of him too.

He broke the third one’s nose.

And then there was the Greta Keene incident… Beverly may have let it slip that Greta had been writing nasty rumors about you in the girls bathrooms.  And Richie declared that he didn’t have a problem beating up a girl if it was justified (and if that girl had man arms).  That was when you drew the line, and made Richie swear to try and control his anger.  And he pinkie promised to work on it, and that he wouldn’t get into any more fights over you.

You weren’t sure why he got so enraged over these things.  It was just drama, and you found it pointless that he tried to bring you justice, since he was so reckless about it.

It was getting late, and you knew that Richie wasn’t going to return your calls.  So you finished painting your toenails blue, and decided to spend the night in your room, reading, alone.

Even though you should have been eating a bunch of tacos and gossiping with Richie.

Just as you got situated in bed, and had turned off the overhead light in exchange for the soft glow of your lamp on the bedside table, there was a knock on the window.

When you glanced over, you could tell it was Richie by his silhouette, and you frowned slightly.

Nonetheless, you got up and unlocked the window, before sliding it open.

“Where the hell have you been?” You asked.

He could tell that you couldn’t see his face very well.

“Busy, you gonna let me in?” He grinned.

“Richie, it’s-” You glanced over your shoulder to the alarm clock on your table, before glaring back at him.  “-midnight.  Are you kidding me? Did I do something to piss you off?”

“What? (y/n/n), no-”

“Then how come you were dodging all my calls? And you’re seven hours late?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest..

Richie crawled in through the window, even though you hadn’t invited him in yet.  But he figured it was only a matter of time before you cave anyways.

Your distressed face disappeared as you caught sight of him now that he was in the light.  His left eye was bruising, and so was his right cheekbone.  Along with a split lip and a bloody nose, it was clear what had happened.

“Oh, Richie…” You mumbled, hand reaching up to cover your mouth as your eyes widened at the sight of him.  “Tell me you didn’t-”

“Look it’s not what you think-” Richie tried to protest.

“Don’t give me that shit”

He knew he fucked up, because you weren’t yelling.  Your voice was soft, and low.  You were heartbroken.

He stared down at the ground, too anxious to look at you anymore.  Not when you looked so disappointed in him.  

“You promised- you-you pinky promised me-”

“I know-! I know and I’m sorry, really, I’m really fucking sorry” He told you, desperately hoping that you’d forgive him.

You shook your head at him, and gestured for him to sit before you left the room.  Richie was the most frustratingly complicated person that you knew, and it drove you insane.  Why he couldn’t just walk away and not beat the shit out of people… you weren’t sure.  But it really hurt you that he didn’t even seem to try, and he broke his promise.

Richie was sitting on the side of your bed when you came back into the room.  He chuckled as he eyed the first aid kit in your hands, the same one that you’ve used the last four or five times you dealt with the aftermath of his episodes of rages.

“You don’t have t-”

“Yes I do” You cut him off and unpacked what you’d need.

You were upset, you were fuming, actually.  It angered you that Richie broke his promise, not even a month after making it.  That promise was important to you, because he was important to you.  And now here he was, waiting to be fixed up by you once again after he so stupidly, so recklessly got himself beaten to a pulp.

But no matter how angry you were, you remained silent.  Dabbing at the excess blood under his nose, which at least wasn’t bleeding anymore.  And when you were finished with his cheek, you moved on to rubbing cream over the bruise on his cheek.  Richie’s eyes fell shut as he sighed in relief at the feeling of the cool lotion, and your gentle fingers.

He knew your silence wasn’t a good thing.  In fact, it was the worst thing.  It meant he messed up beyond redemption.  And he’d never fucked up that bad before.  Sure, he’d pissed you off and frustrated you on the daily, but that was just the hallmark of his friendship, and it was never anything serious.  Just when he dragged you out in the middle of the night for slushies, or got you in trouble in class because he was running his mouth.  He’d never made you this genuinely upset before.

“(y/n)-”

“Save it” You muttered before he could even start with the apologies.

That was another hallmark of his friendship.  You knew what came next.  The apologies, the excuses, the begging for your forgiveness, followed by a playful ‘you know you love me, you need me’ and puppy dog eyes that you couldn’t refuse.  Except tonight, you might just be able to.

He took you by surprise when he didn’t protest, and snapped his mouth shut.  Your eyes met his for a moment, before you started applying a smaller amount of lotion on the bruise surrounding his eye.  It was going to look a lot worse in the morning, but this would help with the pain now.

You hated that your heart ached for him right now.  You hated that you wanted to cry and hold him and make him feel better.  Because you were so fucking mad-

“I don’t understand,” The words suddenly spilled out of your mouth, as if your mind just couldn’t take them swimming around in your head anymore.  “I just- I- I don’t fucking get it”

He nodded, ducking his head down, only for you to lift it back up by his chin and continue with the lotion.

“I care about you, dumbass, and all I asked, which I thought was simple, all I asked was for you to stop with the fighting-”

“I know” He mumbled back.

You stared at him skeptically, wondering if he really did know, or if he’d show up again in a few weeks with the same battered face and guilty look in his eyes.  Richie didn’t look back at you.  He couldn’t.

“Who?” You asked, trying to soften your voice so he wouldn’t whither away from you like he was doing right now.

“You’re not gonna like it” Richie answered, fingers pinching at your bedsheets in an attempt to distract himself.  From the pain that burned across his whole face, or from the intensity in your eyes, he wasn’t sure, but he needed the distraction.

He hadn’t had a smoke in months, but it sounded pretty damn good right now.

“Well, newsflash, I don’t like any of this,” You told him.  “But I think I deserve to at least know what happened”

Of course you do, Richie hung his head in his hands.  You deserve so, so much better.

You watched as he rubbed his palms over his eyes, and it took everything in your power not to take his hands and hold them in yours, to tell him it was okay and you forgave him.

“Bowers”

He muttered the single word without even looking at you.  But he didn’t have to look at you to know exactly what you looked like in that moment.  You probably had a dropped jaw and furrowed brows.  Disappointment, disgust, anger, all displayed in one heartbreaking look.

“Richie…” You murmured without meaning to.  “Why? Why would you-”

“I had to, okay?” He shot up suddenly.  “I know that you hate it, and as soon as I swung I- I knew I fucked up, but I had to”

You wanted to argue it, argue that there’s always another option, that he can always walk away.  But you bit your tongue.  Something about the way he spoke told you that there was more to this than his stupidity.

“I’m sorry, (y/n/n), I am.  But I… I don’t regret it”

Your heart sunk all the way down to your stomach.  Richie had such a toll on your emotions and he didn’t even know it.

“Tell me what happened” You said quietly, and shifted closer to him.

You wanted him to know he had your undivided attention, and that he should have the chance to at least explain what happened.  You pulled your leg up to rest on the mattress, and turned your body to face him.

Richie looked at you before looking back down at his hand, which was now fisted in your blankets.

“Richie,” You hummed, brows furrowing as you saw how reluctant he was to opening up.  “Tell me” The words were so soft, it was almost inaudible.

You wondered what Henry could have done that Richie didn’t want to tell you about.  He must have really outdone himself.

“He was just talking shit-”

“Richie,” You cut off his bullshit before he could even start.  “Come on, the truth”  

“It’s not-”

“I deserve to know, Tozier! Whatever it is, I don’t care, okay? Just tell me-”

“He said you weren’t worth sleeping with!”

Just like that, you’d gotten him to snap.

And you shut up instantly, shocked by the outburst.  His words processed slowly in your head.

“He said it wasn’t worth trying because you’re- because you’re a slut, and it wasn’t fucking true!” Richie continued to yell.  Not at you, he just couldn’t contain his own anger anymore.

And you thought you were pissed.

“Motherfucker had your name in his nasty fucking mouth and he was telling his buddies fucking lies and I couldn’t- fuck I couldn’t walk away.  I should’ve fucking killed him”

You were staring at him, speechless.  You should’ve known it was about you, Richie was always so fiercely protective of you.  And Henry’s wouldn’t be the first nose that he’d broken protecting you.  But this wasn’t like before.  He’d beaten on your ex boyfriends after they broke your heart.  Henry hadn’t said or done anything to you, he was just doing what boys do.  (Make shit up because they think it makes them impressive when really they’re even shittier than they look)

“I didn’t mean to break your promise,” Richie huffed.  His face was slightly flushed after his mini tantrum.  His hands grabbed both of yours, holding them close to him.  “I’m so sorry I put you through this again”

You were still silent, but he knew this wasn’t a bad silence.  You were still processing, still trying to figure out how to forgive him while making sure this was the last time he crawls through your window looking like this.

“I hope you know that it came from a place of- of caring about you,” He added.  “Caring about you too much, I guess” He mumbled as an afterthought.

Your stupid lovesick heart skipped a beat at the sweet words.  Richie wasn’t one for words, at all, but he somehow managed to say the most loving things without even realizing it.

“I can’t promise it won’t happen again, that much is clear.  And if Bowers says one more goddamn thing about your ass I’ll fucking string him up- I will- but I can promise I’ll try, okay? I will, I’ll really try”

He squeezed your hands a little bit, hoping you believed him, hoping you trusted him.

Your eyes flickered between his for a moment, and you could see in them that he was being sincere, and that he was broken up over hurting you.

“You…” He started to speak, but trailed off unsurely.  “You deserve better” He finished.

His eyes flickered to yours for a brief moment, before he turned away.

You shake your head, before you let go of one of his hands, and took his chin between your thumb and index finger, turning him to look back at you.

“(y/n/n)-”

You cut him off when you leaned in and gently kissed him, trying to be mindful of his split lip.

Richie’s eyes remained focused on your closed ones, too stunned to close them, or really kiss her back.

He wanted to kick himself when you pulled away.  He managed to miss his fucking chance because he was too slow to do anything about it.

Your eyes fluttered open in such a beautiful way Richie swore you were holding his heart in your perfect little hands.

His brows were furrowed like you’d confused him, and you absolutely had.  He hadn’t expected you to kiss him.

“Why’d you do that?” He asked breathlessly, and your cheeks burned pink.

Your shoulders raised a bit in a shrug, and you had to bite your lip to keep from smiling too much.

“I just… wanted to” You whispered.

A smile twitched on the corner of Richie’s lips before his hand cupped your cheek, and he pulled you in again, so he could kiss you right this time.

Your lips were just as soft, if not softer, than he’d imagined they’d be.  And he’d imagined countless times what they’d feel like.  Daydreaming in class, before he fell asleep, and being right by your side for the last seven years.

Kissing you was bliss.

He did it again, taking your face in both of his hands and pulling you impossibly closer.  He could feel your lips smiling against his own, and once again, his heart was beating out of his chest trying to get to yours.

“I’m in love with you, (y/n/n)” He murmured when you parted, and you laughed softly.

“That makes sense,” You replied, reaching a hand up to play with the curls on the back of his neck.  “And… I love you too”

Richie gave you a sunshine smile, which you couldn’t help but return.

“I’m still upset, by the way,” You told him, still playing with the curls.  “But only cause I’m tired of seeing you covered in bruises, okay?”

He nodded, and you leaned your cheek further against the palm of his hand.

“I promise to try” He said, and then raised his pinky.

You looked from his hand and then back to him, a slight glare in your eyes.

“Come on, just do it,” He urged, you rolled your eyes, but he was persistent.  “Just link fuckin’ pinkies with me”

With a giggle you hooked your pinky with his, and held it for a moment.

“You want to go get tacos now?” He asked, and you grinned, nodding your head.

“You read my mind” You answered, and followed him back out the window.

It dawned on you that Richie was both your lover and your fighter.  And he held those titles proudly.

As he took your hand and walked alongside you down the street, he decided there were no other title he’d want to be labeled, besides yours. ___

taglist: @thegr8kush​

xoxo ~ jordie

[soulwillower]

semi-charming •  bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader smut)

requested:  Do you have any bill denbrough x reader’s that you have finished that can be posted? I really love your work I re read it like everyday lol :)    +      AKANSHAKAKMA U SHOULD POST THE BILL DENBROUGH HATE SMUT AHHHH     +     don’t be shy post the b.d hate smut 😀🔫🥰🌝

i haven’t posted a fic in well over several months but i hope u guys like it :) im here and around still so send me something if u wanna chat <3 i also have re opened my requests lkajsdlkaj

also - i gained a lot of new followers while i was gone and im sure some ppl want to be removed from my taglist SO: i am gonna start a new taglist!!! pls send me a message and let me know if you want to be on it bc after this post im starting fresh  !!!!!!!!!

warnings: drinking, mentions of weed, dorm living, almost-strangers hooking up, smut, choking (light), light spitting, a tiny bit of dirty talk, switch!bill, its kinda fluffy smut tbh, enemies-to-lovers but its so lowkey, kinda cute guys, neighbor-ish au, 

(losers + reader are 19+.)

4.1k words

♡

the first time it happened, you wrote it off as unintentional. 

it's happened to everyone: you're joking around with your roommate, or reaching over to grab your laptop, and you fall off your bed to the floor. you knock over your lamp or someone knocks over the handle that was sitting half-empty on the mini-fridge. the tile on the ground of the dorm rooms are hard and cold and don't do much to quiet the noise of anything, so you get that. 

but whatever the hell was going on in the room above you was not that. it was three in the morning, and your head was spinning in that sickening way that only happens when you take too many drinks in a short time and find your way to bed for a few hours before being startled awake. 

a loud thump made you jump in your bed, heart racing as you woke in surprise. 

it was around twenty more loud thuds from your ceiling (in a span of barely two minutes) that you gathered the energy to slide out of your bed, sliding on your dorm slides and throwing on a shirt to cover your near naked body before storming into the hallway to climb the most challenging single story of stairs in your life, right to your upstairs neighbors' door. 

your hand was banging on the door for a mere five seconds before the door swung open and a terribly confusing sight fell onto your eyes. 

three boys who you've only ever seen in passing before in your dorm, all shirtless and heaving breaths. the one who answered the door, possibly bill or mike (judging by the stupid name tags on their door), has bright eyes and dark auburn hair that reflects in the dim light of the hall, backlit by the neon purple from inside the room. his sweaty bare abdomen made your eyes twitch as you glared at him, suddenly more irritated because he's kind of really hot and stupid and annoying, and you needed to sleep.

"hi.” he said casually, and you could tell he wasn’t entirely sober, either. 

“so what is your fucking problem?" you said in lieu of a greeting, half-asleep and pissed beyond belief (also still drunk). the boy who answered the door raised his brows, head turning with a brow raised, as if to ask his buddies 'are they for real?' before turning back with a large, cocky smile, "pardon you? we already turned down the music." 

you blinked, knowing you must have seemed so rude and looked insane but it was a weeknight and you had class in the morning, "wh- what, no- i'm not here about music. it's like three, you're slamming on the floor and i can hear it like i'm in a fucking tornado in my room below you so you need to knock it off." 

then the other boy, further back with foggy glasses, started laughing. the other one laughed too, rubbing his neck sheepishly, still breathing heavy. "what the hell are you guys even doing in there?" you added, running a hand through your hair in exasperation. 

"they were trying to bench press me. but then bill decided to start doing squat jumps onto his bed." the boy with glasses explained as he rubbed his chest, still concealed by the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the stupid LED neon lights that every single person in the dorms had lining their rooms. that explained the thudding. 

"why." you'd deadpanned. you were too tired for this, but you'd wanted them to understand that it was keeping people up. "richie got us kicked out of Pike for stealing their doorknobs and pledge class photos." the third boy says, elbowing the boy, richie. "we felt like working out, but then richie said we couldnt press him, so..." he trails off at the look you give. 

"you want my workout routine or something?" richie asks you. you sharply inhale and bill smiles, "well, if that's all, we'll be going. i've got one more rep to get in." 

your eyes widened, jaw dropping at his words. he'd laughed, then, and your eyes couldn't stop as you stared at his sculpted abs flex in the light. god damn it. 

"chill out, neighbor. sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep." he said as he noticed your look, and you wanted to fucking hit him. 

you rolled your eyes, picking up on his facetious tone. "whatever. just knock it off. thanks," you'd griped, sarcastically smiling at them before trudging away towards the stairwell. and you'd caught it when bill muttered, "is now a bad time to assemble my ikea desk with my drill?" 

you'd run into bill once again a few days after when you'd gone to use the bathroom on the floor above you where your friend lived, washing out the bowl you'd used for lunch. a 'shh!' had made your brows furrow as you'd walked in, not paying attention as you'd heard a shower stop and a girl laugh from the other side of the bathrooms. 

but a deep voice grunting 'ow, fuck' made you freeze and then feel hot, wondering what kind of luck you have to be in the bathroom when some people were hooking up in the shower. but you're reminded that you had the worst luck when you go to leave the bathroom and two figures round the corner, hair soaking wet and hoods pulled over their heads. making eye contact with him, he must've seen how flustered and irritated you were, because he cracked a grin, "good to see you again, neighbor. you sleeping well these days?" 

that was only a few days ago. you'd seen him in passing at a party at one of the frats, but had avoided any interaction with him after you saw him and his friend with the glasses snickering to themselves after sneaking looks to you. god, you didn't want to face them again - they were so mocking, so cocky.... so rude, and they made you feel like you were being insane just for wanting to have peaceful sleep. bill was not your favorite person. 

but as bad as the first two experiences were, the third time you had the misfortune of interacting with bill, it was the worst. 

your roommate was out for the weekend, and you'd found yourself stuck with your leg and ankle pinned between your heavy file cabinet under your bed and your bedframe, unable to scoot it over on your own to free your leg. 

you were planning on relaxing tonight, after being stood up from a booty call hook up. you’re mad, frustrated, horny, and close to tears now that you’ve gotten yourself stuck pinned to your bed.

it’s nearly one in the morning, and nobody’s in the hall. 

but then, bill walked past your open door as you struggled, and desperately you called, "hey!" 

his double-take into your room, his head poking in, would have been charming if the face was anybody but him. 

"what?" he asks, suddenly noticing it’s you. his voice is not charming and calm as you've seen him be with other peers, but in your stubborn mind, you convince yourself it’s fine; you don’t like him, either. 

"i'm stuck, can you help?" you say despite your thoughts. 

he sighs, dropping his backpack next to your bed and then tugging to try and move the cabinet. 

"how did you do this?" he mutters as he pulls as hard as he can to pull it, but your shoe is too wedged diagonally against the floor, cabinet and frame. you sigh, "thought i could nudge it to the side with my toes, i dropped my dab through the crack." 

he chuckles, trying to instead shove it backwards instead; to no avail. "smart girl." he says sarcastically, and you roll your eyes, trying to help him shove it. "what was the point of you keeping me up all fucking night if you aren't strong enough to move this shit?" you say, exasperated because it's starting to dig into your calf. 

he stops, rolling his eyes at you. "has anyone ever told you that you can be a bit rude?" he asks, moving closer to you to try and push it away. you look down at him from where you stand, elbows on your mattress. "no. you're just a dick. fight fire with fire, or whatever." you mutter, face feeling hot. 

you can't stop staring at his shoulders, his arms - they're so hot, the veins popping out of his hands and forearms, the smell of his aftershave wafting into your nose from where he kneels next to you. 

he just hums. "i'm going to try to push your leg forward and then push the cabinet away." he states, and you nod, just wanted this nightmare to be over. you're still terribly embarrassed and the proximity to such a hot and confusingly irritating boy is making you lose your grip. 

it takes a lot in you to not jolt when his warm hand wraps around your bare leg and starts to pull you, his strong hold on you making you tingle. "what's your name?" he asks, and you almost laugh as his grip on your thigh tightens, the feeling of his fingers wrapped around your skin making you hot. this is insane.  "y/n." you struggle out, throat feeling dry - there's no reason his hand needs to be so high up on your leg, but some part of you really wants it. "it says that on my door." you say breathlessly. 

whatever he was going to reply with is cut off as he tries to readjust his grip on you and the cabinet, but his hand slides up and grazes the skin near the apex of your thigh, coaxing a sharp gasp to fall from your mouth. 

he turns red, looking up at you, "god, sorry." he mutters, and you bite your lip, unable to look away. 

you kind of forget to say anything, stuck staring at him, heart thumping as wetness pools between your legs just from this boy's touch. god, you've got to get laid. 

his arm is wrapped around the onside of your leg, thumb reaching higher on your thigh than his other fingers, and for a moment you hesitate before deciding to go for it: you drop your hand hand to his hair, pulling lightly as you 'steady yourself,' smirking as you feel his shaky breath against your thigh. 

you don't even care about getting unstuck now, all you can think about is being fucked into the mattress by this asshole boy from the fourth floor. you’re not sure where this feeling came from. 

when he finally pushes the cabinet away, causing you to stumble to catch your ground. he helps you get the cart and then push the cabinet back, awkward small talk making you want to die. "why were you down here anyways?" you ask, rubbing your leg. "mike kicked me out to be with a girl and all my friends are out for tonight." he sighs, rubbing his neck. "i have to do homework tonight, just going to find somewhere quiet to get it done." 

"that's surprisingly responsible." you say, looking at him wearily. he gives you an annoyed look, "what's that supposed to mean?" you roll your eyes, "you don't seem particularly academically motivated." you state, unsure if you're coming across as flirtatious or just a dick. he gives you a look as he moves to grab his things from next to your bed. "you seem more pleasure motivated." 

you catch your mistake immediately - and he does, too, smirking. you stutter to fix it, "don't be gross." you defend weakly. 

he's biting his lip and something rumbles in your chest, flames in your abdomen. it's hard to gauge if you don't like him or if you do. maybe you're just horny.

"i thought you were cute, you know, until you showed up at three in the morning to chew me out." he mutters, eyebrows raised, "i get that that was annoying, but it was a saturday. everyone was drunk, i don't get why you are still being a bitch." his face drops when he says that, as if he didn't mean to say it at all, but he doesn't take it back. you shrug, not too offended. he kind of has a point, "i don't get why you have to make everything so much harder than it has to be. doesn't matter how hot you are,  i don't have to like you, you know." you say, crossing your arms with a smirk. 

"believe me, i'd rather you not like me." he says, smile on his face troubling. you look at him, trying to gauge why you're feeling so flustered, why you want to jump his bones right now no matter how annoying he is. "then why haven't you left yet?" you challenge. you figure if you're reading his actions wrong, this gives him an out. 

"because i kind of want to fuck you now." he says boldly. you just smirk, walking towards where he sits on your desk chair, lowering yourself to straddle him. he looks up at you, eyes large and mischievous as he pulls you down on him all the way, your hips grinding lightly. "i think you want to fuck me always." you whisper, lips hovering above his, teasing. you're eating up all his attention, soaking it up and savoring the way he watches you. 

you boldly snake your hand down between the two of you, lips still refusing to touch his, your hand starting to tease his clothed cock as it hardens under your palm. you stroke him as you lean, almost kissing him before pulling away. he glares at you. 

then you move your hips, the tension in your room killing you. he lets out a half-moan, causing you to buck your hips again, relishing in the pleasure it gives you. he leans forward, trying to catch your lips, but your hand catches his chest, your lips just centimeters from his own.  "fuck you, y/n." he says, fed up with your teasing as his hands squeeze your ass, moving to the bottom of your thighs and then rising with surprising ease, holding you against him and making your heart thump in shock. he takes four long strides towards your bed, tossing you on it. you grin, expecting for him to climb onto you, but instead he's walking towards your door, making your heart quicken. is he leaving? 

he slams your door shut, though, and it makes you smirk as he clicks the lock. you're on your back, the sight of him upside down making you bite your lip, eyes nearly even with the bulge in his sweatpants. 

he walks up to you, and you eye him as he bends forward, hand catching your chin, holding your head forward with a strength you didn't expect. "look at me." he says suddenly. you blink, feeling hot as you stare into his eyes. 

"don't tease me." he says, and you swallow, heart racing in excitement. "okay." you croak, and it seems to satisfy him because he tilts your neck from here he holds your neck and chin, kissing you soundly on your lips. you feel on fire at his touch, squirming as you slip your hands into his hair - it's making you so needy that he's holding you, almost trapped on the mattress, kissing him upside down. 

he pulls away and you flip around, allowing for him to climb onto the bed, barely enough time before you pull him in for another kiss, this one heated and desperate. 

he bites marks on your neck as your hands palm him, pushing your own thighs together in need. slowly, you push him down against your mattress and sling a leg over his hip, moving to straddle him. his hands find your hips easily, looking at you like you're the only thing ever worth looking at; your breath leaves your lungs and you steady yourself, the reality of how fucking beautiful bill is hitting you at once. 

you pull his shirt off, yours coming off, leaving you in just your shorts and underwear. he palms your tits, pinching your nipple as you grind down against his cock, whimpering at the feeling of his pants against your clothed clit. "if only you'd come up to my room like this." he says, and you snap your eyes to his, seeing the teasing grin but glaring at him. "maybe you would've been nicer to me if you knew how good i'd make you feel." he whispers as you resume your hip's movement, "shut up, bill." you hiss. he laughs, his thumb making contact with your clit takes you by surprise and you jump a bit, moaning quietly as your eyes close in pleasure. 

"take these off." he mutters into your mouth as you bite his bottom lip. you take off your shorts, quickly resuming your spot straddling him, his lips trailing from your breasts to your throat and then your mouth again, grinding against him in need. he toys with your slit over your panties before he pulls them slowly to the side, spreading your juices on his long fingers, humming as he brings his fingers to his lips, watching you as he licks his fingers. you nearly moan, impatient enough that you kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips faintly; "do you want me?" you whisper against his lips.

"i wish i didn't," he says, "but yes. do you want to do this?" 

you're breathless, beside yourself with need, "yes." you say quickly, tugging his sweats off and tossing them to the floor. "fuck you, by the way." you spit, flipping him off. he grins and it's fucking beautiful, his smirk, his red cheeks, heaving chest. budding hickeys bloom over his neck and chest as he catches your hand, tugging you forward over him, whispering, "you're about to." 

you roll your eyes, ignoring the butterflies in your chest, hand falling over his as he pumps himself. your thumb swipes over his tip, spreading his precum before opening the condom he'd pulled out of his pocket (you don't even want to know why he brought one with him to study) and roll it onto his cock. 

and then you’re pushing aside your panties and stabilizing yourself on bill’s chest. you line yourself up on him and look to him for one last confirmation. he nods, “quick fucking around, babe.” he says, but his voice sounds desperate and his cheeks are flushed and you let out a strangled moan as you sink onto him, the nickname making your stomach flutter. you have to stay and give yourself time to adjust to his size, his moans swallowed by your own mouth as your tongue swipes his. his hands roam your body, squeezing your hips, your ass, your breasts and then rising to cup your neck and back. 

“shit, bill.” you whimper as you slowly start to move up and down. his eyes fall shut in pleasure and his head tilts back, exposing the entire expanse of his throat for you to claim, his hands falling to your hips. your eyes watch his thin necklace shine in the faint light from your lamp and he's filling you up perfectly. 

he looks like fucking heaven.

you kiss his neck lightly as you pick up the pace, bouncing on him steadily as his fingers grip the sides of your thighs.

“fuck, y/n.” he whispers, staring at you with his lips caught between his teeth. the feeling of him stretching inside you and hitting the perfect spot has your legs shaking already, breathing heavily. he’s soon surging up, kissing you deeply as groans fall from his lips, his arms rising to your waist to hold you as you move.

"you're much better when you're not talking." you mutter as you fuck yourself on him, moving your hips as you bounce. he rolls his eyes, "i'd fuck you every day if it meant you wouldn't come ruin my fun every night." he quips back, eyes challenging. and your hand rises to squeeze around his throat, at first as a joke, but then he smiles brightly, a smirk that stirs something in you and you squeeze ever so slightly, the feeling of his pulse making you moan. 

his smirk sends butterflies through your stomach, pleasure swirling in your core. but then his own hand rises to your own throat, squeezing lightly.

you moan, unable to keep it together. "you think two can't play this game, y/n? it's like you don't know me." he tuts, seemingly pleased as you're flushing, gasping as your legs stutter, his hips moving up to meet yours, strokes hitting you deep. “i don’t,” you whisper, and he hums. 

your legs stutter after one particularly satisfying thrust and he grabs your hips, lifting slightly and biting his lip as he starts to thrust up into you. “oh, my god,” you moan as he hits your g spot and he curses under his breath.

your hand comes up to rest on the wall behind him as you meet each other half way, hitting a spot deep inside you that has you moaning his name loud enough for anyone to hear. you hope to god your next door neighbors are out. 

he presses his lips to yours and you know its to get you to stop being so loud - it makes your toes curl in pleasure. then his thumb snakes its way to your lips, his grin widening when your lips immediately part and suck on the finger, humming around it as your hand rests on his neck, the other over his abs as you bounce. 

"so pretty like this, y/n." he leans up, then, sitting up more and changing the angle, making you gasp with a moan as his hand snakes around your waist, pulling you closer to his face with the hand on your face. he pulls his thumb from your mouth with a light pop, your legs barely riding him at your proximity, instead steady on his hips, his cock warm and stretching you. "do you think you'd look pretty under me?" he asks. you swallow, moving your hips again and sliding on his cock, movements making you stare at him, pleasure building. 

"i think you would." he whispers, hand still on your neck. you whimper a bit, sliding off of him, allowing him to climb over you, kissing you soundly before pulling you to the edge of your bed, legs hanging off as he stands in front of you. lifting one leg, he kisses your knee and holds it up as he teases your slit with his cock before sliding into you again, causing you to let out a loud moan, his own melding with yours. 

your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh. “wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down.

 "you think you're gonna make me cum?" you bite, knowing no man you've been with has been able to. 

you watch as his eyes admire the half-lids of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already. 

he says nothing in response to you, but pulls your leg further open, spitting down onto your cunt, making you moan lightly, the action being terribly sexy. his thumb finds your clit and starts to rub perfectly in counteraction to his thrusts, his lips finding your nipple. 

you gasp in pleasure, panting as you start to wonder if he really is going to make you cum. then his thumb rubs circles on your clit and as he presses lightly, you can’t hold off any longer. “fuck,” you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. you can’t help it, gasping and bucking your hips as you clench against his cock in bliss, your orgasm causing you to tug his hair in ecstasy. “so pretty.” he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back. "so good, cumming for me." he says cockily. you're panting as you whisper, "shut up," his hips still pounding into yours. 

“god, you're such a sweet talker.” he mutters sarcastically as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips, you can tell he's close. 

"and you're such a gentleman." you jest back, pulling him closer by his shoulders, eyes shutting in bliss. he hums, strokes getting sloppier, "i let you cum first, didn't i?" he counters. 

you huff a laugh, something in your heart twinging in affection. you kiss him so you don't say something stupid, moving your hips with his. a few strokes and he's pulling you closer to him by your back, whimpering into your mouth, “y/n, fuck.” beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he cums, and you just stare at him in awe, surprised by how hot it is as he says your name. he rides his high and then falls off of you, onto the mattress between you and the wall. 

"hey," he says after a few moments of you both catching your breaths, your hands overlapping on your stomach but not nearly holding hands. it makes you feel warm in a weird way. excited, nervous. 

"what?" you ask, turning to stare into his eyes. he smirks, "you think we woke up the downstairs neighbors?" he whispers, eyes alight with tease. 

you shove him, smothering him with a pillow while he laughs, pulling you onto him. 

tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby  @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @groovybimbo @deepestofwaters @unfortu-nate-ly @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter @babytortie  @decafcoffeew

[clairecrive]

"it’s been months since we broke up and i just found one of your old sweatshirts in my wardrobe and it’s making me miss you" nikolai x reader with a happy ending pls?

A/n: I can't help myself but give my best man a happy ending, sorry not sorry. Hope you like it x

Warnings: angst, confrontation, happy ending

Word count: 2K

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofshield, @for-bebbanburg, @randomoutsiders, @pansysgirlfriend, @hannaxmaria, @vintagebitc, @story-scribbler, @crowssixof, @odetostep, @lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

A knock on the door in the middle of the night wasn't something you were expecting to happen. Merely because you were not expecting anyone. Even though, to be fair, it wasn't that late. And considering how everyone's so busy these days, with the Darkling threat looming over your heads, everyone is required to put in some work to plan a strategy that will assure our victory. Or at least, to contain the damage that surely the Shadow Summoner had planned to inflict upon those who had betrayed him.

Sleep was a luxury these days, so really, you shouldn't have been surprised by someone calling for you. Sighing, you walked to the door wrapping your robe around your body.

When your eyes fell onto the person behind the door, you froze. Now this, was a surprise.

You definitely weren't expecting your ex-boyfriend to knock on your door in the middle of the night a month after your break up.

"Nikolai?" the surprise was clear in your voice as well as weariness. If he was here that meant that something terrible must have happened.

"Were you sleeping?" he shuffled on his feet. As if seeing at your door after all this time wasn't baffling enough, his insecurity certainly was.

You shook your head. "Has something happened?"

"Yes," he said rolling his shoulders back. You stood taller as well, bracing for the bad news. "it’s been months since we broke up and I just found one of your old sweatshirts in my wardrobe and it’s making me miss you," he added and pulled something from behind his back.

It was your sweatshirt indeed, one of your favourites, certainly the most comfortable one. One that you usually used to sleep but it was also the one that you had left in his rooms. The break-up had been sudden in the sense that it had been a long time in the making but the bubble had broken abruptly, leaving you no time to retrieve your stuff.

Well, you could have gone to him and ask for your things but you had spent the last month trying to avoid him.

"Nikolai-" now your words were tentative, a slight warning in them. There was a reason why things had ended, after all.

"No, please, just hear me out." There was no insecurity in his voice anymore, nor in his body language. You knew the man in front of him, painfully aware of how stubborn he was. And the truth was that you had missed him too. Being so close to him and yet so far away had been one of the hardest things you had to do.

So you relented. With a nod, you let him in your room.

You closed the door and when you turned around you saw him sitting on your bed. You took a couple of step towards him but decided to stand at a safe distance from him. Nikolai's eyes were on you and you shifted on your feet under his gaze.

"What's there left to say?" You spoke since he didn't. His presence was unnerving enough on its own, embarrassing silence wasn't a surplus you needed.

"I'm aware of why we broke up, what you think. But I need you to know that it was a huge misunderstanding." He said, squaring his shoulders.

You scoffed, crossing your arms on your chest. "Really? And you waited a month to clear the air?"

"It wouldn't have been fair to you for me to have this conversation before." He stated as if he was during one of his diplomatic meetings.

"Because all this time, you've still been flirting with her."

"I wouldn't put it like that..." He slightly grimaced, his eyes leaving yours for the first time to move to his hands.

"Courting, wooing, pursuing, whatever Nikolai. I don't care how you'd put it. I don't care about what you do with her either." Gesturing with your hands, you sneered at his audacity. He wasn't going to get out of this on semantics. Nonetheless, it was over and you didn't want to show just how aggravated seeing him with Alina made you. "It's none of my business." You shook your head and moved towards your window, giving him your back.

"Well, maybe you don't care but I do. Maybe what I have to tell you won't change a thing but I need to at least try." He raised his voice, frustration clear in his words for your attitude. But you couldn't care less, you had just started. "Because this past month without you has been hell and I don't want to spend another day without you." His voice trembled a bit at the end and you knew that it wasn't easy for him to be this vulnerable with you.

"Don't tell Alina that." You teased him in a neutral tone. Back still to him.

"Alina doesn't care, y/n. And neither do I."

"Could have me fooled."

"It would have been a political union." Frustrated, he pointed out. You turned around this time, scoffing at the implicit insult.

"That much I had guessed, Nikolai." You weren't stupid. And you knew Nikolai. As soon as the first wave of pain and betrayal passed, you realized that it must have been a strategic move on his part. Not that it made anything better.

"You...did?" He almost stammered, eyes widening in surprise.

"Of course," you sighed, "but it doesn't make anything better. So if this is all you had to say, I'm afraid it doesn't change anything."

"But- it changes everything. I don't love Alina, I never have." He insisted, standing up from the bed and taking a step in your direction.

"You would have still married her though, wouldn't you?" You pointed out with a rhetorical question that he still felt like answering.

"Well, I-"

"And you didn't tell me anything, did you?" You continued this time without giving him time to speak. "So yes, maybe you didn't love her. Maybe you loved me but would that matter once you were married to her?"

"I'll tell you: no it wouldn't have. Because as much as I loved you, I wouldn't have let you made me your mistress. And you and Alina are good friends, I'm sure you'd grow to love her with time." Your voice has hardened, failing at carelessly exposing an eventual love blooming between them. But Nikolai didn't notice. He was still at the second sentence.

"Loved?"He whispered. Past tense.

"Did you expect me to hold a torch forever?" Your voice softened at his reaction but still- you weren't going to be around forever. He had made his choice, after all.

"Of course not," Nikolai mumbled as he sat down on the bed again and looked down at your sweatshirt still in his hands. You couldn't see his face and you knew that it was a deliberate move. Never had you seen him to defeated and crestfallen. His shoulders slumped, his fingers fisted the material in his hands.

Sighing, you closed the distance between you and sat beside him on the bed. Maybe you had been too harsh but it was an instinct for you to be so defensive. Even though his betrayal had hurt you immensely, hurting him back was never your intention.

"I don't think I could ever stop loving you." You whispered. Eyes latched on your fumbling fingers, you heave a sigh. This felt like the confession it was.

"But you can't expect me to be fine just because you explained Nikolai. It doesn't excuse the lies or the betrayal." You continued, wanting him to understand. Now that everything was out in the open, it was best to speak heart to heart.

"Indeed it doesn't. And I'm sorry I've hurt you, it was never my intention." He agreed and apologised but you shook your head. What good was it an apology now? It wasn't a matter of forgiveness anymore. There was now a lack of trust and you didn't know how to handle it.

"How do you think I would have reacted? What if she said yes, uh? What then, Nikolai? Would an "I love you" fix everything?" Speaking no matter the lump of your throat, you turned to face him. His eyes were already on you. They were glossy and one of his hands reached out to yours to hold it.

"I knew she was going to say no. And I knew that it was a low move on my part considering that you're my whole heart but I couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't at least try," he confessed. You nodded because you knew how much he cared for Ravka's future and having Alina on the throne would no doubt have a positive impact on all fronts.

"Because having her on the throne would have been advantageous for us, for Ravka. It would benefit us in so many ways that I had to try, at least. No matter the sacrifice." The last word came out as a whisper, his eyes flickering between yours and you understood the underlying message. But that was exactly the problem.

"What hurt me the most, Nikolai was that you made the decision for both of us."

"I'm not a strategist but I understand the power Alina holds. It would have still hurt but if you had told me, it would have been different." You explained as his eyes filled with an emotion that you recognized as regret.

"I'm sorry, y/n. I never wanted you to feel like you don't matter to me. Because you do. You have no idea how much you do. And I love you, I really do." His hold on your hands tightened and you were surprised to see how his lower lip trembled a bit.

"I love you too, Kolya." You confessed, unable to pretend the contrary. "But I don't know where to go from here."

"You don't owe me anything, my sweet. I wanted you to know and now you do. That's more than I deserve." One of his hands came up to caress your cheek as he gave you a small smile. You actually leaned to him, missing the touch, the closeness.

You missed him.

And yes, he had made a mistake. Yes, he had hurt you. But was it to the point of no return? To be fair, you knew that nothing had actually happened between him and Alina besides the proposal. And sure, that was certainly enough on its own but in a way that meant that it hadn't actually cheated.

He had surely betrayed your trust and lied to you. But trust could be regained. And work could be done on your relationships so as not to have these communication problems again.

The question is: were you willing to put yourself through that? Because it was not going to be easy. And there was a chance that it wasn't going to work.

His eyes boring on yours, you hoped to convey your insecurity to him. You knew he loved you. And you dearly loved him too. Maybe you could give him a second chance. If love was there maybe it was worth it to put in the effort to make it work.

Scratch that- it definitely was.

"What about what I deserve?" You whispered as your hands wrapped around his on your face.

"Everything and more, my love." His eyes flickered between yours hopefully. Trying to see if he could find the confirmation in them of what your words implied.

"Well, I think that I deserve a prince." You stated with a small smile.

"Even if he's unworthy of you?" He insisted, raising an eyebrow but mirroring your smile.

"I guess I can give him another chance to prove himself."

"He'd be most grateful, my dear. But I'm afraid he'll never deserve you." His face got closer to yours, nose almost touching. He cradled your face in his hands, his thumb stroking your cheeks.

"Enough with the charming, Kolya, I'm already yours. Come and get me." You chuckled with a roll of your eyes before eagerly tugging him closer to you.

"As you wish." He said before he kissed you. Slowly at first, almost as if he couldn't still believe that it was happening. Then with the hold on your face, he pulled you closer angling your face so as to deepen the kiss.

Your old sweatshirt laid discarded on your bedroom floor. Forgotten for the moment as you caught up on your lost time together.