#otherwise we get the boring mushy love story stuff

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

1 - MASK - Would your oc recognise their love interest even if they're fully masked? - for Caldyn *snickers*

6 - ARMOUR - What comforts your oc most? - for Eilis

11 - HERO - What is your oc's greatest dream? - for Finn

Thank you for the ask! From this ask game.

1 - MASK - Would your oc recognise their love interest even if they're fully masked? - for Caldyn *snickers*

😂 Thank you for the ask, Anna, I think chances are pretty good he can! Probably also his friends and acquaintances! I'm sure he'd also recognize his enemies! Perhaps if they're wearing a nice, distinct perfume :)

6 - ARMOUR - What comforts your oc most? - for Eilis

Depends on why she needs comfort. If she had a nightmare, she needs light, and sometimes goes outside, because the walls are too close. If she's nervous in general, she often finds something to do with her hands, creating something with colors and textures she likes. If she's sad or lonely or similar, she'll go find a goat to cuddle.

11 - HERO - What is your oc's greatest dream? - for Finn

A whole different life, he'd say. He doesn't like anything about it. Not possible? Then at least better drugs, so he can forget the shit life he has.

[thequeenofsastiel]

Cupid's Last Wish Series Review

!!This review contains spoilers!!

I liked this a lot more than I expected to.

I was hesitant to watch it for a long time because I heard mixed reviews, and I didn't love the idea of a body swap. But the show managed it really well in my opinion. I had two main concerns. My first was that the main characters wouldn't know each other and that it wouldn't be clear that Earth's character was actually falling in love with Mix's, or the person Mix's character was possessing. The second was that we wouldn't see Mix very often.

However, Win(Mix) and Korn(Earth) DID know each other, had in fact known each other almost their whole lives, and had been in love with each other for a long time. So it didn't remotely feel like Korn was falling for Lin(Win's sister), even though Win's mother convinced Win otherwise. And the show alternated perfectly between Mix and Jan(the actress who played Lin). On top of that, Jan was absolutely EXCELLENT in her role. She mimicked Win's body language, facial expressions, and even tone of voice expertly. As I am trash for good acting, this counted for a lot. So I think this body swap was done about as well as it could have been.

I'll admit that I didn't like Win all that much. He did have his good qualities, and he grew as a person, but he was unfortunately often loud, aggressive, and cruel towards others. He softened as the series progressed, especially towards Korn, but he was a bit much to take a lot of the time. I must confess that my love of Tian from A Tale of a Thousand Stars played no small part in my ability to tolerate him. When Mix smiled or had a soft expression and it reminded me of Tian, I got a little mushy. So I'm not coming from the most objective place here. I think if Win had been played by an actor I was unfamiliar with I would likely not have been able to enjoy him at all.

I also loved Korn, and his clear affection for Win was very helpful. And EarthMix in general have great chemistry, which goes a long way. Their longing expressions when gazing at each other are *chef's kiss*.

I liked the story a lot too. At first I was wondering how the show was going to stretch them going to get water from four different monks over ten episodes, but they did it well. There was enough stuff that happened in between their quest that it didn't feel like it was taking too long. I never got bored.

I was annoyed at the beginning of ep 10, when it was revealed that Lin didn't actually want to marry Korn and was just trying to emotionally manipulate Win into revealing his feelings. However, the fact that it was acknowledged that what she did wasn't okay helped a lot. I was worried that everyone was going to act like she'd done nothing wrong.

The ending was very cute. I feel positively towards all of the characters(except their mother, who can fuck off for trying to separate Win and Korn), and I think Win and Korn ended up having a positive and healthy relationship.

I recommend this, but be aware that if you didn't watch ATOTS it might be hard to tolerate Win. Even if you did, it might still be hard. However, overall, I had a very good time.

8/10

[cienie-isengardu]

K, O, P?

Thank you for the lovely ask, it was fun to write! :D

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Hard to pick the one character, even more since the best of character development I love so much are not tied to one arc but happens through the whole story. But since I’m on OP kick lately, Roronoa Zoro gets all the honor. 

I love how at first he promised to follow Luffy as long as the rubber-man didn't get in the way of his goal (and threatened him with death otherwise) but took his commitment very seriously from day one. And somehow through the relatively short journey, Zoro literally threw away his ambitions, pride, life, everything for Luffy’s sake. And not only for Luffy, but for the crew as a whole, because  Roronoa is always ready to stay behind, to be left behind, to protect nakama at all cost. And the best part of this development is that, Zoro’s priorities changed from carrying the burden of promise and shared ambition with a dead friend being the best to giving everything to Luffy, while it does not change what Zoro is at the core. It doesn’t make him a better man in the sense of an improved attitude or outlook on life. Hell, I would say it makes him more workaholic with the need to get stronger, pushing himself harder than before once he gets to know the wider world better, but Zoro is ruthless and rude as he was. He is born killer and monster in human form that don’t give a fuck about the world, politics, what society thinks while his own moral sense does not budge at all. He was and is willing to kill, he enjoys fighting and drinking, has this ambitious as hell goal of being the best. The development does not change who Zoro is, but what matters to him the most and this growing loyalty and trust can be seen through the whole story and I don’t know what would need to happen for such dedication falter even for a bit.

And like I said, this is not something that happened in one arc, but was happening through the whole story, from earlier little occasional clashes with Luffy to being of one mind with his captain while always ready to carry the burden when Luffy can’t do it, ready to stay behind and protect nakama. What makes the final of Thriller Bark one of the coolest pledge of loyalty but not the best development arc itself, really, because Zoro’s character develops in that direction from day one and the decision made in Thriller Bark is just a result of all the previous adventures.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

I’m going to cheat with that and instead of a random song, I will give you two I have on loop already for several days: Broken Crown and I gave you all by Mumford & Sons, because both suit Donquixote Brothers so well and could tell the same events from two different perspectives. In advance sorry for ranting but these two songs kill me emotionally so much, I must talk in length about them!

Broken Crown is all about Rosi rejecting the “crown” given to him by brother (“I'll never be your chosen one”) and yet… still caring and sadly, knowing it too well he wouldn’t pull the trigger (“but oh my heart, was flawed I knew my weakness. So hold my hand consign me not to darkness“) and the final lines, gosh:

So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down

I'll never wear your broken crown 

I took the road and I fucked it all away 

Now in this twilight, how dare you speak of grace 

So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down 

I'll never wear your broken crown 

I can take the road and I can fuck it all away 

But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate

And then, I gave you all is just so Doffy about Rosinante, it hurts. Seriously. Like, I really believe he never meant to hurt his brother (and maybe never understood he did), and the whole last lines are just so on spot:

But I gave you all 

But you rip it from my hands 

And you swear it's all gone 

And you rip out all I have

Just to say that you've won 

Well now you've won

It’s just so, so about Rosi stealing Law and Opi Opi no Mi even though Doffy already “gave [him] all” what he could. And the most ironic thing? When people usually think about their last meeting, we remember that Doffy killed his younger brother, but in fact, Rosi DID WIN in the long run. He cured Law and saved him from Doffy, he stole Opi Opi no Mi and took away from brother a chance for immortality, even if just for a while. Which is like three main victories in one strike and he did sort of say it to Doffy’s face (“[Law] is already free!!”). 

Just… so many feelings from two songs that fit well two brothers so different from each other. And the regrets and hate, and lack of understanding and spite. Seriously, it makes me think about their last meeting so much :(

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

I have three major growing ideas, but since I’m in a good mood, I will share the happiest AU in which Donquixote Rosinante never played the role of spy and confronted Doflamingo in the open sea as a Marine Officer. 

Or more like: Doffy found out his bro is alive but part of Marine, so of course he couldn’t leave him in peace and like the maniac he is, chased after Rosinante across all the sea to recruit him into the Family - to no avail. So Doffy’s main reason to become Shichibukai was just so he could jump on Rosi’s warship and annoy the fuck of him, like an older brother should. And Rosi can’t kick him overboat, since as a Warlord Doflamingo is untouchable by Marines. Or at least in theory, because Rosi serves under Garp’s command*, and the old Vice-Admiral does not mind to punch some sense into Doffy (and Rosi) with fist of love, cause no punk like Doffy will tell Monkey D. Garp  what he should or shouldn’t do on his own ship and if bros are lucky, Tsuru may save them from this madman… or not). Despite that causing ruckus between sailors is much better than boredom, and Doffy seeks out his younger brother under all excuses and more often than not, visits just to rant about all annoying people and bitching on Kaido or Sengoku or Nobles or really, everything and maybe for a drink or two and napping between one and another business meeting, because there is no better nap than under Rosi’s silencing powers. It is worth, no matter that more often than not Garp is kicking his ass, even when in fact he acts as a good boy should. And maybe, just maybe Doffy is so bored with all his underground business going well that he is actually doing “government dog” work of hunting down random pirates. Or more likely, slaughtering every asshole who dare insult his clumsy brother.

Because no matter what, Rosi is his baby bro and he belongs to Doffy even if the dumbass stubbornly refuses to join the Family. Which is fine, one day Doflamingo will find a way to change his brother's mind and until that day comes, he will mess with Marines as much as he can. Which is all fair, because Rosi too does mess with Doffy’s underground business whenever he has a chance and the klutz set on fire accidentally himself AND so many Doffy’s stuff one may wonder if he really is that clumsy or does he do that on purpose. Trebol thinks the latter, cause somehow Rosi always drops things on him by stumbling or spilt hot tea in his face. Doffy finds that amusing as hell, even more when his little bro uses his devil fruit powers to mute half of the Family just to piss them off. At least, as long as Rosi remembers to unmute them before leaving (sometimes the lil shit does not unmute them on purpose and Doffy is forced to chase him around the sea to undo the damage. Younger brothers can be a really pain in the ass).

So Doffy & Rosi kinda have this I-hate-you-but-I-love-you-dumbass relationship over the years until Law comes into picture and of course, Law stab the younger Donquixote and of course, Rosinante kidnap the kid to find a cure and maybe, just maybe, kidnap his brother along the way, and drag Law and Doffy on forced family vacation that involves burning a few dozens of hospitals, a lot screaming at each other and some terapeutic honest talks that no one really wants but everyone needs. Law gets the Ope Ope Mi, Doffy and Rosi kinda explain to each other all the traumatic shit from childhood and made sort of peace.

So, in the end, Doffy does not take over Dressrosa but is still doing his shady business and just being himself, just with better mental stability (cause Rosi keeps muting Trebol and all his shitty talk about what king can or cannot do on every occasion). Rosi has a brother that is not complete monster but not the good man either, but he isn’t ordered to kill him or lie to, and even though they are on opposite side, Rosinante can always call Doffy on den den mushi and shout at him for hours for all the stupid shit he pulled without any regrets or fear (and sometimes, Doffy does listen). Law is saved but still decides to sail and causing havoc as pirate captain while both Donquixote brothers are doting on him and of course, allying himself with Monkey D. Luffy, while the poor Sengoku just gets constant migraine for dealing with all the nonsense of Monkey D. and Donquixote family drama (but secretly feeling relieved that his son is finally doing fine). Garp on other hand, find it hilarious as hell. The World Government does not find it hilarious at all.

 *Sengoku doesn’t like putting his precious Rosinante under Garp’s command because the Hero of Marines of course drags the poor kid into all possible troubles and chaos, but since Rosi is brother of Doflamingo and Doffy is hated by Nobles, Garp is the best protector for younger Donquixote. He will punch everyone who would dare to hurt the kid of his closest friend, including World Nobles and their armies. The side effect is that Rosi is looking after Ace and Luffy, once they set sails, because they are uncle Garp’s grandkids and he will happily save Ace’s ass before Blackbeard get his hand on him and be even kind enough to give the kid a choice: either he comes back to Whitebeard or Rosi takes him straight to grandpa Garp and so Ace ends safe under pop’s watchful eyes once and for good.

Here, a happy Donquixote Bros AU. You’re welcome!

ask meme

[timelordvictoiouspartyof1]

Rules were made.... Ch7

Summary: It’s been almost a year since you left Bucky for cheating on you. You missed him so much you convinced yourself you could just be friends with him. After having lunch with him in a local diner you made some rules and convinced him too that a friendship was possible.

Words: 6400+

Warnings: Nothing crazy. Kissing. Fingering. Angst and longing.

Pairing: Mob!Bucky x Reader (who I call Maggie, Mags or Magdalene because I don’t like Y/N)

 Ch1    Ch2    Ch3    Ch4    Ch5    Ch6

 Bucky was beyond angry. The speedometer never dropping below a hundred. He hoped he got pulled over. He was looking for a fight. But no, that wouldn’t be smart. Before he blinked again he was in his driveway. Adrenaline pumping he made his way to the top floor. Walking through the gym he pushed play on the iPod, then over to the punching bag and started laying into it. He way still topless, the sweat pouring down his body, but relentlessly punching. Music blaring, he stuck another blow and his fist went through the bag and sand spilled out. He pushed the bag with both hands in anger, it did nothing but continue spilling sand as it swung.

He stood there, head hung, as the music playing on. He hadn’t even turned on all the lights. He noticed when he finally picked his head up. He walked over to one of the benches and sat down, hanging his head again and resting his hands on the back of his head. He was near tears. Whether it was sadness or anger or frustration he didn’t know. He only knew he fucked things up……again. He was selfish and greedy with you. If he had been this way when you were together you wouldn’t be gone now and he knew that. He wouldn’t risk messing up like that again or in any other way.

He growled and jerked up. What was this stupid song that was playing? He grabbed the iPod and pulled it off the player, ending the music. He turned his body to throw it when he realized what he was doing. He could never destroy this. You gave it to him and it was everything. Everything you loved. Everything you thought and felt. Everything you felt about him.  He threw his arm down in a mock throw but clung to the electronic. He growled again and walked out of the room.

He hadn’t reached the bottom of the stairs before he almost walked into Steve.  “There you are.” He exclaimed. He took in Bucky’s disheveled, still shirtless, figure. “How was you, uh, workout?”

Bucky shook his head to clear his thoughts and grunted. “Nothing I want to talk about. What’s going on?” He asked, forcing his voice to be calm.

“We think we got something. Might be nothing, could be big. I don’t know. That’s why they pay you the big bucks, I guess.” He smirked, going to place a hand on Bucky’s shoulder but stopped before he reached bare flesh.

Bucky started down the hall towards the end of the hall to his bedroom and office. He looked down at his watch. 8:45. “Great. Ok, give me fifteen to get showered and changed, then be in the office. Who’s we?”

“Scott actually.” He looked at Bucky’s face trying to gage his reaction. Bucky liked to be in control of everything. Steve knew him better than anyone and usually didn’t make mistakes, but every now and then small things would anger him much more than expected. Bucky gave nothing away. “Well, he was already vetted because he works here. He’s actually worked here for over two years, so, uh, I looked over his file. And, well, he has a master’s degree in electrical engineering, and he spent a few years in jail for-“ He could see Bucky getting impatient. “Anyway, he’s a genius and found stuff our other guys might not have. So, your office, fifteen minutes. You, me, Sam and Scott. Anyone else?”

“Not if that’s everyone. See you in there.” With that he turned and walked into his bedroom closing the door behind him.

He let out a long breath and walked into the bathroom turning on the shower. He started to undress when he noticed the iPod in his hand, he had forgotten all about it. He placed it on the counter. It was time for business now, he couldn’t let his brain get all mushy with thoughts of you. This anger inside him was useful for work. He took his phone out of his pocket, subconsciously checking it for a message from you. There was one! What the hell. She said take a break. His hands were unsteady as he swiped to open.

“Nat’s dark day is tomorrow. We’re taking her out. I don’t know what’s going on with you and me but I already promised Wanda I would get Steve there. You can invite whoever else you want. We can figure us out later. We have time. Goodnight James.”

His grin spread from ear to ear. She had already made plans. He had at least one more chance to prove to her that she shouldn’t discard him, that he had change and they could be friends. He needed her, even if it was just as a friend. She kept him in check, called him on his bullshit, never shy about letting him know when he was doing something stupid. He decided against messaging her back before placing his phone on the counter next to the other electronic. Took off his clothes and stepped in for a quick wash.  Towel wrapped around his waist he walked into his closet and pulled out a sand colored suit and put it on. He walked back into the bathroom and combed his hair back, grabbed his phone and walked out the other side into his office.

He took in the room. Steve and Scott were sitting in the chairs across from his desk. Sam was on the sofa on the other side of the room. Scott had a thick folder in his hand. He was trying to look casual but fear and anxiety has his body tensed, Bucky noticed. He walked behind his desk and sat down pulling the chair in. He cleared his throat, “Scott. Nice to see you inside for a change. I see you met Steve.” Steve sat relaxed, having been in this chair hundreds of times. He leaned back and let Bucky do the grilling.

“Yes sir.” He said a little too formally.

“Then he explained everything to you.” He just left it at that, his steel blue eyes boring into the man.

Scott swallowed hard. “Ye-Yes sir.” He answered as firmly as he could, not knowing exactly what he was agreeing to.

“Once you set foot in this room everything changes. Your life is mine now for all intents and purposes. You can do with your free time whatever you like. But you come when I call, and you do what I say. I know this sounds somewhat cultish but it’s very serious. I don’t trust manly people. Shit, I don’t even trust Sam yet.” He nodded over to Sam who was looking through a book he picked up and Sam threw up two fingers in his direction but didn’t look up. “But I trust Steve, and he says you check out. We have very few rules, we are a criminal organization after all. Show up on time, follow the rules, and don’t do anything stupid. If you think it’s stupid, don’t do it, or ask first at least.”

“I’ve had an eye on your work for a while now too. It usually doesn’t move this quickly. We usually make you do shit work and send you on tedious errands and push you till a breaking point and see if you’re still standing. But things have come up and I’m told you’re the man with answers.” He leaned back in his chair a little but never taking his gaze off the man. Scot was nervous but he sat firm and didn’t drop his gaze. “Pick a room in the house, we work late sometimes. Anything open on the second floor. Pick one and ask Hope for the key. My room and office are off limits unless Steve or I say otherwise. There’s always food, you know where the cars are.” He smirked to himself. “You know which ones are off limits. Women are allowed on the second floor and in any of the outside houses and the pools. This is my housed Scott, respect it. Think you can handle that?”

“Yes sir.” He said a third time, sitting up straighter in the chair. “Thank you, sir. This is such an honor. I’ve such a-“

Steve leaned over and clapped a hand down on his shoulder. “Stop trying so hard, man. You got the job. Just don’t muck it up now.” Scott let out a sigh and relaxed slightly.

“Ok, so tell me genius, what did you find? And just call me Bucky for now. It goes back to Mr. Barnes when you mess up.”

Bucky stopped talking and a long silence fell over the room.  Sam stepped over and sat on the corner of Bucky’s desk.  It took a few minutes for Scott to realize the other three sets of eyes in the room were fixed on him. “Right!” He startled. Leaning forward he placed the folder on Bucky’s desk. “So he’s been hiring men. A lot of men. Some of them he integrated into the dock labor force, or all of them. His work force has increased by forty percent but the weird thing is that the faces change. I wrote a computer program to count the different faces of the workers. He has sixty works on the books but the program counted a hundred and forty six faces. I don’t know what it means, I mean I’m not supposed to. I just gather the information. I’m the computer guy.” He must have realized he was rambling and he quickly moved past. “I have pictures of all the men. I also have work schedules and shift changes. I couldn’t get ahold of any container logs. That’s probably done pen and paper, that’s the smart thing anyway, easier to destroy if need be. But I can count the number of containers docking each day.”

Bucky leaned forward and flipped through the pages of information. Picking out the pages with the pictures on them. Then leaning back going over them meticulously. After a long few minutes he pulled a page out and handed it to Steve. “Look at the guy in the top right corner. Isn’t the Strange. The guy we hired for the Pittsburgh job? And this guy,” handing him another sheet “second row middle, we hire him for uh, uh” snapping his fingers.

“Smuggler. We had that sensitive shipment.” Steve stepping in to jog his memory.

“And his guy,” he pointed to one of the pages on the desk. “I hired him to do security when he took over The Pussycat.”

“If we really picked through this I bet we would find dozens more. So we have over a hundred men for hire working on one payroll. Yeah guys, I’d say this is problem. The question is, what are they planning? I think it’s safe to assume it has something to do with what Drax was spewing that night at the bar. Most likely, it a full hostile takeover. But, before we do anything rash and start a war between families, we need to know one hundred percent.”

He turned his chair to look out the wall that was all glass. At night it looked out over the pool, the moon reflecting off the water. He looked out in silence trying to access all possible outcomes. “Any way to diffuse this before it gets out of hand is my favorite idea.” He turned back around. “Sam, Ears to the ground, get in every bar, every club, and another rat hole these idiots like to hang out and see what’s being said after the drinks start flowing.  Buy rounds, get people talking, I don’t care if it cuts into profits. Take it out of my share. Scott, get techy, I don’t know what that involves but you gotten us this far.  Let me know what you need. We have it all. The door next to the garage door it a storage closet full of whatever tech stuff you need. Just sign out whatever you take. Who have you got at home? Wife? Girlfriend?”

“No sir, no one.” He answered even toned. No sadness in his statement. Just a statement.

“Ok, you’re here then. Go home and get whatever you need and come back. Work out of this house. If you need something we don’t have, which is hard to believe, ask Hope.”

“Yes, sir.” He stood up then hesitated when no one else moved. “Do I go now? I just kind of seemed like that was an order to leave.”

Bucky chuckled. “Yes, you can go. And stop being so formal with all your sirs. If you can’t just be cool be won’t ask your to hang out with us anymore.” He joked.

“Ok,” he perched his lips and nodded his head a few time. “Yeah ok. Bye.” Trying to act cooler than he felt, then he walked out the door.

He spent the next thirty minutes exchanges different ideas with the other two men about outcomes, motives, and precautions. By the time he looked at his watch it was after 11:00. He sighed, “That’s it guys. We aren’t going to figure this out in one sitting and we are about to started talking in circles. “

“Agreed.” They said in unison.

He looked at Steve, “You know Nat’s thing is tomorrow night.” The sound of her name caught him off guard.

“Yeah I know. I’ve been torn between reaching out or not. I haven’t spoken to her since….”

“There’s no need. I’m going to send her something tomorrow morning. I can put your name on it instead of mine if you want.”

“Send her what? Nevermind. I don’t know. She hasn’t reached out to me either. Just leave it alone.” He lowered his head and suddenly found a blemish on the tile very interesting.

“Well I hope you get over it soon cause were seeing her Thursday night.”

“WHAT?!”

“Stop acting like a teenage girl. They’re taking her out tomorrow night to get her mind off things and we got an invite to tag along. Sam can come too. And tell Scott he’s coming. He seemed cool.” He glanced at Sam after making his dig. It felt good to be back in his seat.  He felt like himself. He would kill to have you back, being torn between worlds was wearing on him. “Get some sleep guy, tomorrows a long day and the night will be even longer.” He walked both of them out the door, locking is behind them and retired to his bedroom.

He stripped down to his briefs and flopped into the bed. He wasn’t allowed to make contact with you. He turned off all the lights and rolled over to fall asleep. I was early but he didn’t trust himself. He knew if he was up he would make some excuse to himself to need to message you and fuck up again. You said take the night.  He could do one night. Was the night over at 12:01? He joked to himself before drifting off to sleep.

You drove right home. You knew you should have felt dirty or guilty but you didn’t. Is this what you wanted? Maybe you were just as manipulative as Bucky.  You were having him make all the bad choice so you could blame him if things fell apart again.

You ordered food again before stepping into the shower.  When you took his shirt off the smell of him overwhelmed you again. The sweat had dried and you put it on the counter, not knowing exactly what you wanted to do with it yet. The rest of your clothes dropped on the floor. You had one foot in the shower, “Shit!” you stepped back out. You forgot to tell Buck about Thursday night. You leaned your bare ass against the counter. The cold shocked you. One quick message and then no more.

You tried to keep Bucky out of your thoughts. You showered quickly. Ate your dinner and went right to sleep. Completely forgetting about Oliver.

Wednesday

You woke up early to your phone buzzing on the bed next to you. Your hand fished around the sheets trying to find it. You glanced at the screen. Oliver.

“Shit!” you thought. You had forgotten to text him last night…..again. You picked up and answered right away. “Hey babe.” You tried to sound as casual as possible…..again.

“You didn’t text me again last night. Is everything alright? Should I be worried?” Concern in his voice this time.

“I’m so sorry. I fell asleep early. I think maybe I’m not over being sick.” you lied. Anything to ease him and not have him ask any more questions. “I tried to go for a jog and when I got home and showered I just passed you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” His voice was softer this time. “I just got worried. Look, I know I get busy when I’m out of town like this. I should have called you. I don’t know why you put up with me being inconsiderate when I go away. Stay in bed today babe. Do you need me to come home early and take care of you?”

You almost yelled out a NO! You took a long breath. “I’m ok. Don’t cut your trip early for me. And you’re not inconsiderate. You’re busy over there, I get that. I’ll just stay home today like you said.”

You heard him sigh through the phone. “You always act so tough. Promise me you will let me know if this gets worse and you need me. Or even if you just want me there.”

Guilt ran over you. “I do want you here. But what you are doing is important and I’m not that sick. Let me sleep the next few days and get better. Then we can go out when you get back.”

“Ok babe. I’ll plan something nice. I’ll call you this afternoon to check on you. Get some rest. I love you.”

“Love you too.” He hung up the phone. You flopped back on the bed. That was easier than you expected. But that was the thing about Oliver, he always took you at face value. He never assumed anything. He wasn’t pushy or rough. He was just an honest regular guy. It was annoying.

You stared at the ceiling thinking about what needed to be done today. Probably call Wanda and make sure she didn’t need anything, maybe that girl was still sick. Figure out a place to go, that was usually your job anyway. A run, she needed to keep her days on track, James had a way of getting days and nights turned around, and running was how you kept control. Figure out what to wear tomorrow night, and tell Oliver you were going out in case you forgot to text again. Clean your apartment in case you slept till he got in Friday afternoon.

Ok. Run first. What time was it? You check your phone screen 8:28 and a message from Bucky.

“Morning doll. I hope you slept well with the night off and all. Let me know what’s up.”

Yes.  Definitely a run. To clear your head.

Bucky was used to only getting four to six hours of sleep a night so it didn’t shock him when he was wide awake at quarter to five. He laid in bed staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t text you this early, that wasn’t respectful. He threw on some gym clothes and grabbed his stuff to go work out upstairs.

He started scrolling through the iPod playlist:

Songs To Read To

Songs To Workout To

0Songs To Party To

Songs To Miss Me To

Songs To Feel My Love To

Songs To Murder To

He had never clicked on the last one. He didn’t know if it was serious or not and if it was he was worried what kind of music you think someone murders to. But everything else he had shuffled through countless times.  You love music, more than words, you know how it speaks on every level. He loved that your used this to communicate with him. He had tried to reciprocate. Listening to different artists trying to find words to speak back and move you. He clicked on the workout playlist when he placed it in the player and got to work. He was up there for an hour and a half and felt great when he was done. He loved working out. It started when he was in the military, every morning. After a while he like the way his build look in response to it. And coming back it had become very helpful in his new line of work.

He walked over to end of the room and grabbed a water out of the cooler, and sat on one of the benches. He took in a deep breath trying to steady his breathing. After a few minutes he stood up and grabbed the iPod and walked down stairs. He was headed to his room on the bottom floor when he saw a light on in the garage and heard someone rummaging around. He checked the time. Almost seven. Too early for his house to be up and running. He grabbed a gun from his room peaked his head around the door, ready for anything.

He pulled his gun up and aimed at the back of the strangers head. “Turn Around!” Bucky said with force.

The man put his hands up and turned slowly. “Woah woah woah, Mr. Barnes”

Bucky lowered his gun and smirked. “Scott, you idiot. Put your hands down. What are you doing up so early? Why are you here?” He closed the gap between them some, gun still tightly in his hand.

“Well, I don’t think it’s up early if you never went to sleep. I’m here because I live here now, at least I thought I did. I’m in the garage, more specifically, because I was looking for this.” He held up a small black box, some computer something it looked like.

Bucky slackened his grip and rubbed the back of his neck with the hand the gun was in. “Yeah, man, yeah. Sorry. Just kind of on edge. Not knowing what’s coming and all. And in the years I’ve owned this house I’ve never run into anyone this early. What are you doing anyway?”

Bucky turned to walk out of the garage and Scott followed. “I needed this hard drive. There’s an algorithm on it that I wrote years ago. It takes the data and files it into diff- and I’m boring you. I needed this, I’ve been running data all night. You look fit, been working out? Maybe I can join you some time.”

Bucky chuckled. “You seem a little jittery. You find anything? Maybe you need some sleep man.”

“Yeah, I definitely need some sleep. I’ve been up for a couple days. I think I may have drank too many energy drinks. I’m just trying to impress you man.”

“Ok. Give me fifteen to shower and change and I’ll let you impress me. My office when you’re ready.”

“Yeah yeah great! I’ll get my stuff.”

Bucky stepped into his room and made quick work of getting changed. After his shower he stepped into his closet and looked through his suits. He had way too many suits for one single man. That’s what you told him the first time you were in his room.

He wanted to get you to his house so badly. He wanted to impress you. He had sat at the coffee shop every morning for ten days and run into you twice. You finally gave him your number. He needed an excuse to see you. It took him half a day to figure it out. A party at his house. He got some of his guys to get everyone age appropriate over to his house the next day. It was the end of summer and the weather was perfect for the pool. He text you, trying to sound as casual as possible, and invited you and any of your friends over. You had taken the bait and brought Nat and Wanda along with you.

When you got there you could hear the music from the front of the house. A lady met you at the door and showed you to the back pointing out the pool house if anyone needed to change. Explaining there were extra bathing suits and towels if anyone was unprepared. Letting you know the main house was off limits but everything you could need would be outside.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw you step out of the pool house in your black bikini. He was standing at the bar getting a drink. He tried to will his body to turn around, look away, be cool but his muscles wouldn’t cooperate. He just stood and stared at you. You caught his eye and looked back at him. After a few seconds he tried to play it off and wave like he had just noticed you. You smiled and walked over. Taking every inch of him in. He was already in his trunks with an olive green shirt on. It was the most of his metal arm you had seen. And damn, you liked what you saw.

You motioned to the bartender for one more of whatever he was having. “Pretty amazing place. You party like this all the time.”

He picked up his drink, took a sip and nodded, “Basically.”

“Liar.”

“Why would you say that?”

“You look as uncomfortable here as I do and this is your house.”

“Ok, fine. No I don’t. I work too much.”

“Now that’s the truth. Why the big party now?”

“I thought I’d cut loose and have some fun. Take a break from business.”

“Liar.”

“Fine. I did it to get you over here”

“Liar.” You smiled and pushed his shoulder. You took a sip of you drink and turned to lean your back against the bar. “If you keep this up I’ll never be able to trust you.”

Bucky smiled. You wanted to trust him. He could work with that. “You look beautiful by the way.”

“I was hoping that was the reason you couldn’t stop staring at me.”

“I wasn’t staring at you.”

“Liar.”

“Fine. I was staring, but it wasn’t my fault. My heart stopped and my muscles refused to work.”

“You’re such a liar.” You were blushing and your cheeks hurt from smiling. “Well, if you’re such a party animal, show me how it’s done.”

With that he picked you up around the waist and jumped in the pool. You felt electric for about three seconds having his hands on you before water rushed all around you. When you came up for air you pushed at him softly. He didn’t budge. He arms lingered around you. You laughed and he smiled.

“Let me go.” You playfully demanded.

“Sure thing doll.” His arms dropped and he stayed floating inches from you. “I just wanted to make sure you knew how to swim. I’m a gentleman like that.”

That’s for the day started. Nat and Wanda mingled. That’s the day Nat talked to Steve Rogers for the first time. A few hours in all of you had made it into the shallow end. Leaning against the edge or sitting on the stairs drinking and getting to know each other. You and Bucky had been making eye contact the whole time but most of the conversation stayed within the group and it was light hearted.

“We met in high school,” Nat explained. “Mags and I met freshman year and Wanda started the in tenth.  Not that either of you would have noticed. Only dating cheerleaders and acting like idiot not-jocks.”

“That’s my girl,” you chimed in. “telling it like it is.”

Steve let out a “hey” but he knew it was true and didn’t protest too much.

“I did notice you in high school. Maybe if you had been a little more forward we could have hung out.”

“Oh, you couldn’t have handled her in high school.” Nat said matter of factly, and a resound of ooh’s came from the guys present. “You may not be able to handle her now.” And she took a swig of her beer.

“Like I said ladies and gentleman, my friend Natasha everyone.”

Bucky didn’t let his face falter but he did wonder what she meant. Like she was reading his mind Natasha went on. “I just mean you’re amazing. Your smart and drive and it won’t be just some boy that can keep up with you.”

“And that’s why you’re boo thang, pretty.” You blow her a kiss. “Now stop you’re making me blush.”

Everyone started laughing and the conversation moved on. A few minutes later Bucky moved in few close to you putting a hand on you shoulder and turned you away from everyone else to face him. You chucked and gave him a confused look. He leaned in closely to your ear.

“Your nose is starting to bleed.” Your hand immediately shot up to your face and you felt it. Bucky reached a hand into his pocket and handed you a key. “You can go clean up in my room. That door right there. Second door on the right when you get in. If Hope stops you just tell her ‘James said it’s ok’”

You excused yourself out the pool, grabbed a towel, and found your way to his room. You noticed the bathroom right when you walked and started trying to stop the bleeding.  You sat on the counter for a few minutes not wanting to get anything wet but curiosity got the better of you. You took the tissue out of your nose and to see if it had stopped and started wondering around his room. You didn’t hear him come in when you were in the closet looking around.

“Thinking about robbing me?” he startled you. You jumped a little.

“I don’t if you would even notice. You have way too many suits for one single man.” You giggled. “But no, I have no need for any of these items. No man in my life to give them to anyway and second hand clothes don’t sell for as much as you’d think.”

He closed the gap between you and you tried to step back running into the dresser that was in the middle of the room. “Well,” he said slowly, “do you see anything you like at least?”

With that you reached forwards and grabbed a fist full of his shirt. His body tensed. It had been a long time since anyone touched him that wasn’t paid for. Even longer since anyone actually wanted to touch him and he wanted you to want to want to touch him. With small effort you still pulled him into a kiss. His hands were in your hair instantly and his lips quickly matched your pace, pulling you closer into him. You were already wet but you could feel your heat start to soak into your bathing suit. You felt his hard cock press against your thigh as he pushed into you. You moaned and he took this opportunity to push past your lips and taste you. You wanted more of him. You almost lifted yourself to wrap your legs around him but you were a lady and didn’t want him thinking otherwise.

You unwrap his shirt from your fist and pushed him back lightly, he followed your lead. You were breathing heavy. You licked your swollen lips, “Yes, I did see something I like…..these ties are very nice” you ran your fingers over them as you walked out of the closet. After the shock wore off he followed you out.

He came up behind you when you stopped at the door to open it and pressed his full body against the back of you, putting his hand on top of yours on the door knob. “You’re not getting off that easy pretty girl.” He turned you around, grabbing your ass and lifted you up pressing your back to the door. You wrapped your legs around him as lips came crashing into yours again. He was a great kisser. Firm but not rough and not too quick either. You had been thinking about this since the first time you saw him at the café. You pulled his hair. He was consuming you, your every breath was him. He moved away from your mouth and started kissing down your neck.

“James” you barely breathed his name into his ear. He growled. Fuck that turned him on. That was the first time anyone said his name like that. It drove him crazy. He couldn’t remember the last time some hadn’t called him Bucky. He wanted to hear it again. With the pressure of his hardened cock on your leg and the way you said his name he could have cum right then. He wanted you, He needed to have you. He pulled you off the door and stepped back. Never missing his perfectly placed kisses, you moaned again. He was sucking and nibbling and you were not wearing enough clothing to cover any of it up. He laid you down on the bed and moved his body over yours. Much better he thought, ore room to work with. He ran his flesh hand up your torso, careful not to touch you with his metal hand at all, he didn’t want to scare you. He moved to kiss down the valley of your breast. This was heaven. You squirmed beneath him trying to get friction to your aching clit.

“Ja-“ your breath gave out. “James.” You finally got out. He growled mid kiss. “James, I need-“

He stopped his motions and smiled, climbing up to meet your face, a grin spread across ear to ear. How handsome he was then he was happy, you thought. “Anything for you doll, always. What do you need?”

Your heart fluttered. You wanted to give into him so badly. The smile fell from his face when you didn’t say anything. “Not like this James. Not today. Nat or Wanda are probably going to come looking for me.”

He pulled off of you quickly. Ran his hands through his hair to get it out of his face back in place. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I-” he let out a hard breath. “I shouldn’t have stopped you. I shouldn’t have stopped you when you wanted to leave. I understand.”

“Liar.” You were still sitting on his bed. You shook your head and smirked. You leaned forward and grabbed his hand pulling him to stand in between your legs. You bit your lip before speaking. “You don’t understand anything.” You stood up, his hand still in yours. Your face was level with his as you stood on the ledge of his bed. Your fingers on the back of his hand, thumb pressed into his palm you slide his hand down the front of your bikini bottoms. His middle finger slide down your folds and easily inside you. You leaned you forehead against his and let out a whimper as you licked your lips. “I want you more than everything right now.” He closed his eyes and tried to steady himself. This was more will power than he had right now, he knew it.

There was a knock on the door adding a distraction much to his relief. It was Steve. “Hey, Buck, you in there? Maggie’s friends are getting worried, she disappeared.”

Bucky opened the door about ten inches and stopped it with his foot on the back. Showing Steve he was fully clothed. “Yeah man, uh, she had a bloody nose. Almost done cleaning it up.”

“Ok,” he smiled knowingly, “I’ll let them know she’ll be right out.”

Bucky closed the door and turned back to you. “See?” you raised your eye brows at him. He rushed back to you and you jumped in his arms wrapping your legs around him against. His chest rumbled as he chuckled.

“Fine. You’re right. But this isn’t over. I’m taking you out on a proper date.”

You slide off of him still keeping as much of your body touching his as possible. “You better. Besides, you’re a gentleman, that’s what has we wanting you so badly.”

“Doll, you can have whatever you want from me.” He cupped the back of your head and pulled you in for one more kiss before going back to the party.

Bucky shook the memory from his head, finished dressing and walked out his bedroom door. Scott was leaning against the opposite wall holding his laptop. Bucky was impressed. How long had he been standing there? Scott looked Bucky over. He wonder who gets dressed in full suit this early in the morning to work from home.

He took Scott into the room. They stood opposite on the desk and Scott scattered paper covering the whole of the desk top. Scott explained the layout of the docks, which he knew for the most part. Pointing out which build had Bucky’s office in it and the bulk of this storage warehouses.

“But this one over here,” he pointed to the back corner building. “This one isn’t owned by you and it isn’t owned by the city. In fact, I can’t find any records anywhere of who may own it. And even though our cameras start here,” he pointed again “this is the only access point into the build and there has been a lot of traffic. The face recognition software pulled up almost every guy from our list including these three other guys.” He pulled out another paper and on it Bucky saw the faces of Drax, Mr. Banner, and the other son looking up at him. A low growl rang from his chest barely audible. What were they planning?

“Thanks, good work. Hey, get some sleep. We’re going out tomorrow night and you look a little stretched. I got a girl to impress and looking like that, you’re not helping.” He smiled.

Scott left and Bucky sat down at his desk. This current situation aside he had been neglecting a lot of things lately. He was going to spend the day fixing that. He looked at the time. Right at eight. Ok, that was solid next morning time. He picked up the phone to text you.

Next Chapter

@chipilerendi @pastelxvirgo @fuckthatfeeling @dillpicklesunflowerseed @twintwin125 @thatsokayleigh

[thestudyfeels]

Hello There!

Just a note: This is some real important stuff. ONLY read if you have like 10 min at hand. Otherwise, bookmark this and save it for your Sunday afternoon because this is truly about to change your life. No clickbait here, I promise.

I’ll hands down say that this is the most important thing you will read today. And if you, like most people, spend your time alternating between why does my love life suck ass and whining, “ok, but honestly, climbing Everest would be easier than tackling the mountain of homework Miss Honey assigned” then this is surely the most important thing you’ll have ever read in your life.

In fact, if you blindly stumbled upon my blog and wanted to check out what shit I write, let this article be the lucky one.

Get excited (beat your chest like King Kong, play this song and jump up and down like a bunny) because I’m about to change your life. Or not. Most of it depends upon you making the decision to. Alright, I'll get into the juicy stuff soon, Wilma. First hear me out. I’m about to drag your lazy ass out from your broom closet and out into the sun. I’ll make you feel guilty in this post. Not cuddle you or “understand that you are trying.” I won’t tell you that you’re a champ and “dreams are made of roses.” Because you’re not. At least not yet. And not to be a party pooper, but roses have thorns too. Just saying.

Instead, I'll try my hell best to make you realize that you're simply not doing enough. Caught yourself scrolling through your Insta feed when you’re supposed to be writing an essay? Aha!

In the end, I’ll try to get as brutal as brutal can possibly get, because homie? Life isn’t a joke. Stop living like it’s one.

Ok, So What’s This Bubble Anyway?

In the past 6 months, I’ve read a thousand self help books (Or was it 2500? I mean, legit, each tree in the forest had to die). All of them, yes every single one, had one thing in common that was literally being screamed right in your face. GET OUT OF THAT BUBBLE.

In the self help community, the bubble is known by different names - Ego, The Mist, Big Snooze, that old, grouchy librarian in your high school who particularly hates you for no reason. I like to call it the bubble. Bubbles are cute. Except this one.

The bubble is what locks you in a cage of fear, ignorance, negative friends, and everything else that isn’t shiny. It prevents you from seeing how awesome this world is, how powerful you are, the many opportunities that await, and how good it feels to be alive.

The sad part is that even though we are born free, a beautiful bundle of fearlessness and courage, we get trapped in this bubble as we grow older. The even sadder part of the story is that most people spend their entire lifetime in this bubble. They don’t bother with risks, don’t feel that they deserve to be loved, underestimate their potential, never see their dreams as a reality, and prevent others from doing their own damn thing.

They would rather waste their precious time whining about the horrible beans Mrs. Brown is serving in the cafeteria today.

"Why Get Out? I Like Bubbles."

Hon, if you're into bubbles, you've got stockholm syndrome, but trust me, you DO NOT want to be in it.

Don't you want to push past your limiting beliefs, knowing that everything you want to achieve is possible? Then, you’ve got to come out of the bubble. Don’t you want to let go of your fears, rise above them, and learn to commit to your goals? Then, come out of the bubble.Don't you want to shoot for the stars, become successful and leave a legacy behind? Then, GET OUT OF THE BUBBLE. I want you to create the life you want with the belief and drive that your entire life depends on it.

Because guess what? It does.

If you are still reading, it’s probably ‘cause you're realizing you're more lost than Dory was and maybe some parts of your life aren’t looking too good. Or maybe nothing’s going great. You were probably just heading out to look for free beer and this caught your eye. Well, forget the beer and listen up. Let’s get high on life here.

Everything you want is possible. And no, I’m not an astrologer saying things like “Jupiter hates Saturn. Saturn, however, has a crush on Mars. Therefore, now is the time to poop.”

Here, lemme give an example from my life.

Two years ago, I was living a crappy life. I had a bunch of very sucky friends, I was insecure about myself, seeking validation from those sucky friends again, failing at school (and life), and had self-esteem buried deeper than the Mariana Trench.

Two years later, I have two good ol’ homies for whom I can die for (and they for me) and many other friends who are freaking awesome. I am neither insecure about who I am nor do I take no shit from anyone. I’m not afraid to voice my own opinion and I’m killing it, both at school and at life. My GPA has never been higher, and neither has my self-satisfaction level.

So what changed? I still have the same body, the same bad eyesight (lmao) and the same obsession with One Direction. What changed was my perception about myself and what I can achieve.

But how did it change? I’m going to be that author and say, GET OUT OF THE BUBBLE. It's the evil bubble that's doing sneaky shit. It’s what convinces you that what you dream is impossible and you should choose something “sensible”. Basically, society’s opinion in one sentence. Not yours.

Now I ask you. Is this the life you want to live? Ordinary and boring? Doing what your parents want, what society wants, not what you want? Why should society’s opinion matter? Are your fears more important than what you basically breathe, your dream? In the words of John A. Shedd, “A ship in harbor is safe, but that isn't what ships are built for. They have to face the stormy seas.” In the same way, even though you might have to overcome thousands of struggles and doubts on the way to your dream life, you can’t simply give up and be like “Screw that. I’m okay with this babysitting job. I mean babies puking isn’t even that bad. C’mon.” Every human is meant for greatness. It’s honestly time people realize that. Burst out of the bubble already.

Popping The Bubble

So when do people wake up? It’s only when people find themselves in a near-death experience that they wake up transformed, realizing how every moment is valuable, and every day a chance to pursue their passions. They wonder how they could have led such a shit-ass life a week back and take action asap. This is because it’s only in these events that we realise, humans are mortal, and it’s a blessing to be alive.

Annnnd plot twist. Even then, society’s all like, Wtf Shane, are you really going to quit this really comfortable job to start a bakery? What about that bone chilling debt you are in? What about your two children?? Do you even know wtf you’re doing???

Like hello?! Of course Shane knows that! But he would rather live his dream life than die with you whining about the mushy beans at his funeral.

Fortunately, you don’t have to have a near-death experience to flip the tables. It’s all about making the decision to change. Getting out of the bubble is truly all a mental battle. You're either in it, or not, there's no halfway. Once you choose to make a difference in your life, there's no going back.

And as scary and maybe crazy this might sound, trust me when I say this - It is nowhere as bad as you waking up one fine day, realizing that you wasted years upon years, and still haven’t created a life meaningful to you. The regret will crush you. That, not the struggle for success, will break your heart, but then it’ll be too late. Too late to live your dream life, find true love, meet new people, and leave your mark.

Heck, you'll even feel guilty for 'forgetting' to water the plants, mate. I guess you 'forgot' to live your life too.

The only way of popping the bubble is by killing your past, confining beliefs. By truly believing in your dreams and the fact that they will be a reality one day. When we were kids, our innocent minds believed everything. What, a fat, red (possibly a tomato) man is going to drop down the chimney, eat up my Oreo cookies and leave gifts because I've been nice? Why shouldn’t he? That is how I want you to believe in your dreams now. No matter how crazy they are, just believe in them. Don't lose that conviction, don't listen to others. Blind faith, give me that.

Because you see, so many people today end up regretting their lives. They don’t live it when they have the chance, and in the end, they realize that Shane was right. Now he has a multi-million dollar bakery business and they're stuck at the same high school as the janitor.

[ I’ll tell you how to slay every single thing that comes your way in another post (don’t throw those tomatoes at me, lmao) but for now I want you to simply have faith in yourself. It's been known to move mountains. ]

The End Card

So what’s limiting you? Your lame friends? Leave them. Your stupid fears? Forget them. Your doubts? Drop them. Your life awaits, my darling. Make the choice to live it.

Finally! If you’re ready, here, take this pin (I used it to puncture society’s ego) and burst that bubble. Don't let that pin give this crazy adventure called life a flat tire.

Hopefully, this changed your life. I would like to end with a warning - The worst mistake a person can make is by delaying the good stuff. These are the people who end up with the most regrets. They say they’ll workout when they get done with this big project. They will change their lives radically when they have time, love more and become a better human tomorrow. That’s bullshit in its purest form. You’ll find them making the same excuses the next day.

Point is, time waits for no one. It’s flying by. Your life is happening right now. Tomorrow will be no different. So take action now. Sooner or later, you’ll find yourself as a 50 year old grandma, regretting the opportunities you missed out on, if you don’t give your all today. Is there something you’ve been wanting to do since Ice Age? Start on it today. Now is the time. One last thing. At the end of your life, the only person you’ll be accountable to you will be you. So be sure, be very goddamn sure, to live true to yourself.

I’ll be here cheering for you the loudest.

want to read more? view the other masterposts in the series “get your shit together, you are here to conquer.” :-

general tips for getting your shit together

loving yourself and letting go of negativity

understanding the meaning of your life

taking control of your life: a 3 part series (click here to view)

Well, it’s a wrap! I post new articles every week (the schedule’s up on my blog’s front page) so you can follow me if you are interested in killing the game & conquering life bc I’ll do my best to help you in the tough yet amazing journey called life.

If you want to go thru my blog, I would rec picking your choice of post from my masterpost list! Or, if you want to read something insightful on your cozy Sunday afternoon while chilling under ‘em blankets, I would rec reading one of my interviews. Feeling spoilt for choices? Here’s another! If you want to implement the ideas I share in my masterposts by taking action - take on one of my challenges! + you can also request a blog post! For that, leave your question in my ask box!

I hope you are well, stay strong and conquer life, you conqueror.

- nandini (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[dearinheadlights-archived]

a conversation with myself

“he knows exactly what he’s doing by posting a video of himself in the shower. it doesn’t matter if you can’t see anything.. the way he puts his hands through his hair with the water… ugh.”

“his singing is nice though”

“hah, it’s on his public story. anyone can see it. it bet he still has her on snapchat. she probably loved that. did he even think about that?”

“plus he added HER back on his snapchat recently. that’s the last person i want seeing him in the shower.”

“it doesn’t matter! he doesn’t belong to you! he made that ABUNDANTLY clear.”

“they both saw his video when he was out skating shirtless then too…. ugh.”

“the song was sweet though… was that about me?”

“he probably just likes that song. don’t get your hopes up, idiot.”

“wow, imagine thinking you’re not still under his thumb. you’re pathetic.”

“that was great song choice of him, too. ‘i only think of you?’ ‘i don’t want to be okay without you?’ goodness knows you’ll be more of a wreck now. are you gonna go listen to that and cry over it at two in the morning?”

“shut up… i’ll probably add it to my ‘do not listen’ playlist >:(“

“exactly. you always got emotional when he sang anyways. the songs always reminded you of your relationship… god, you’re down so bad.”

“i am not! i’m setting boundaries!”

“and how’s that working our for you? talking every day? making it incredibly clear that you both still have feelings for each other? or at least you do, and maybe you’re just reading too much into what he says, because you never know what to believe from him anymore? hah, how unfortunate would that be?”

“i wouldn’t let it get that far. he’s being better. he’s showing me that he can be better than he was. as much as it sucked, and it changed our relationship, maybe we learned things… maybe he learned that he actually wants to be with someone specific, and maybe i learned that i can’t be treated like shit (while also gaining a ton of relationship trauma…). i won’t forget what happened, but i can forgive him, someday. maybe i did, already. forgiveness is very…abstract. it’s hard for me to move past what happened when we’re so stuck. we both have a lot going on in our lives, and we aren’t even physically in the same place. we won’t be for two months. so if he keeps doing well in that time.. that would show pretty good persistence. i don’t know, maybe he’ll get bored and move on. but maybe he won’t. i guess i’ll just have to see what happens and go from there. i know i meant what i said, though. i still love someone forever, when i say i love them. i think that changes, when someone is toxic and cheats and stuff like that. it changes the concept of love, and tears it down because it’s, y’know, toxic. it… deteriorates. but, somehow, it’s still here. barely alive. if he manages to maintain a transition to a healthy relationship (friendship or other), between us, then it will be okay. otherwise, that love will just… die out. and that’s how it’ll be.”

“geez, okay. done with your mushy speech? go to bed, idiot.”