#our life angst

[differenteagletragedy]

I saw you wrote a couple things about the MC dying. Have you written anything about Baxter finding out the MC died during the five years he was gone?

Haha, I wrote a whole thing about this yesterday then realized that I read what you wrote wrong, so here's another -- tough break, Baxter!

Baxter had gotten along perfectly fine without you for five years. Or, well, not perfectly fine -- he was miserable, riddled with self loathing and he'd isolated himself from anyone that might actually give a damn about him. But he was surviving.

But when he saw Miranda and Terry -- with a "y" now, he'd told him later -- so many memories came flooding back. It became harder to tell himself that he was ok when he just missed you so much.

It was pathetic, he thought, to be so attached to the idea of someone he'd known so long ago, for such a small amount of time, but you'd marked him during your summer together. And now that he'd been reunited with your friends, a small part of him started believing that he could be reunited with you as well.

During that first introduction, or reintroduction, as it turned out, he tried to keep things professional. Jude and Scott, his clients, were letting him meet with Jude's sister and her boyfriend, who were helping them get things together for the wedding. He did see Miranda and Terry exchange a number of glances after seeing him. He assumed it was because they weren't sure how to act around him after he'd cut off all contact after that summer.

Looking back, he wished that had been all it was.

Still, Baxter didn't bring you up during that first meeting. Or the second one. Or the third, or the fourth. There was a tension in the air whenever he interacted with Miranda and Terry, and finally, the night before the wedding when they were all together at Jude and Scott's home, he couldn't take it anymore.

"Terry, a word, if you would be so kind?" he said after wrapping up the wedding talk.

Terry shot another one of those looks at Miranda, but he followed him to the kitchen, then leaned on the counter and looked at him expectantly.

"What's up, Baxter?" he asked in a tone that was more forced than any Baxter had heard from him in the past.

Despite the awkwardness of the situation, he went for it -- he asked Terry if you were going to be at the wedding.

Terry stared at him for a moment, confusion etched on his face. Finally, he began replying.

"Baxter, you don't know?"

"Know what?"

Terry took in a deep breath, but before he could say anything, Baxter held up a hand. He'd gotten scared.

"Please forget I asked, it's really none of my business," he said hastily, so sure that Terry was going to tell him something that would hurt. That you hated him, had gotten married yourself, moved to the other side of the world.

"No, wait," Terry started, but he'd put his walls up firmly. He stepped out of the kitchen, said his goodbyes and gave his well wishes to the others, then left.

It wasn't until the next day, during the reception, that he learned the truth.

When the guests started arriving at the wedding, Baxter kept an eye out as he rushed around, making sure everything was running smoothly. During the ceremony, he stood at the back, scanning the crowd, hoping to get a glimpse of you. Nothing.

After dinner had been served and the guests were finishing up the meal, he spotted Miranda and Terry at a table near the front. Cove was with them. You weren't.

It was strange, seeing your eternal sidekick without you there. Strange enough that he felt bold enough to approach the group.

"Miranda, Terry," he said, greeting the two he'd been reacquainted with already. With a nod and as friendly a smile as he could muster, he nodded toward Cove. "And how have you been?"

"Baxter," Cove said flatly, giving him the glare he'd gotten accustomed to during his time in Sunset Bird. "Hi."

He swallowed, but everything was almost over -- he just had to get through the reception, then he'd never see these people again. You'd gotten stuck in his mind throughout this process, and although he'd made it a point not to look you up in the five years you'd been apart, now he couldn't stand not knowing. So he asked.

Cove stared at him, then looked to his friends. Terry shrugged, and Miranda kept her eyes on the table. Then he told him.

You were dead.

A lifetime of showing a prim and proper exterior to hide the mess that going on inside him prepared him well for the moment. He nodded, gave his condolences, then excused himself. All the while, he had the strangest sensation of existing somewhere that wasn't reality -- it couldn't have been. Not if you were gone.

Throughout the rest of the reception, he stayed focused on his duties, all while his mind tried to reason its way out of this new information. Maybe he'd misheard Cove. Maybe Cove was mistaken. Maybe this was just a nightmare. There had to have been some sort of misunderstanding.

When Jude and Scott had left, as well as most of the guests, Baxter was standing by the window, looking out over the city and trying to reason with what he'd heard. A tap on his shoulder pulled him out of his thoughts.

He turned, and Miranda was there.

"Are you ok?" she asked. "About ... you know."

He considered the question. He could have lied and said he was fine, but that would hardly be believable, given his behavior. He could have admitted that he wasn't ok, but if he wasn't ok, then what was he? Sad? Heartbroken? Angry? Regretful? Ashamed that he had all of these feelings and more when he had no right to them after the way he'd left you?

The hesitation was enough of an answer for her, and she sighed quietly, moving beside him to check out the view.

"What happened?" he asked after a moment.

"Does it make a difference?" she responded, a bit of coolness in her voice.

"No, I suppose it doesn't."

Miranda went to walk away, even getting as far as to make a couple of steps back towards her friends, but then she stopped.

"You really screwed up, you know?" she said quietly, more bite behind her words this time. "Leaving the way you did. It wasn't fair."

"I agree. And that haunts me more than I could possibly say."

Satisfied at that, she left him alone.

Eventually, when there was no work left to be done, he made his way down to his car. But instead of going home, he found himself taking a different route, and before he knew it he was driving into Sunset Bird.

He went past the main street, down to the old neighborhood where he parked his car in his old spot like no time had passed at all. He stepped out, then started making his way down to the beach.

You were gone, he knew that now. No magical reasoning could change that. But here, down by the shore, he could feel you. In the sand, in the water -- here you were everywhere, clear as day.

He slipped his shoes off, then his socks and set them down. He rolled up his pant legs next, and without any of the hesitation that usually accompanied everything he did, he stepped out into the water.

Then he stepped further.

His pants were getting wet, the waves splashing up well past his knees, but he didn't care. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't scared. What did he have to lose?

Baxter watched the water, dark and cold, come up around his waist as he kept going. It wasn't just the loss of you -- though that did hurt like hell. It was what losing you represented. All the wasted moments, all the missed chances, all the happiness that could have been his if he'd just let himself grab onto it.

When the water came up to his chest, he lifted his feet and started moving. There he was, his first time swimming in the ocean, and you weren't there to see it. He took a deep breath, then plunged down, fully submerging himself in the water.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed out there, letting the waves rock him closer to shore, then further away, but he wasn't afraid. And when he finally left the water, walking along the same sand he knew you had to have walked on countless times, he decided that he didn't want to be afraid ever again.

[qwee206]

idk if i can request (IM SO SO SO SO SO SORRY IF I CANT OR THIS IS NOT FOR REQUEST 😭😭😭) But since i recently (months ago) killed my mc (who i ship with baxter :3) can i see the hcs of baxter if the mc died prettyplswithcherrysontop :3

Okay, I haven't played Baxter's route because I don't have his DLC, but I'll try

BAXTER'S REACTION IF MC DIED HEADCANONS (angst)

I feel like Baxter would give plenty of money to your family if their in a though spot

Would go very silent and just joke less, being in some sort of daze

Would not be able to focus on work

Would lose sleep due to nightmares, would be tired all the time

Would stare at photos of you, tear up, then put them down

I feel like baxter would drink less instead of drinking more

Would not try much with his appearance when alone

Would pretend to be fine infront of people, or just not as hurt

He would still try to look his best infront of others despite have constant fluffy hair

Would try to ignore his current feeling, then remember that you wouldn't want him to, then would be upset because he thought of you

Would want to just sleep all day

Would end up buying himself your favorite drinks or food

Would often hug your stuff, clothes, bedding, plushes, stuff like that

Don't think he'd date again for a **while**

I feel like he would try to talk to Cove and Elizabeth more often

Would constantly want to be alone

Why do you people like angst so much????

[sunnydaze4ever]

OC angst!

Angst for my Now and Forever MC Cassiopeia!

——————————

Cassie couldn’t help but feel this emptiness in her chest. It was familiar. It was the feeling as people’s eyes turned away from hers when her words turned from the school day to the stars. The feeling when her words were so clearly ignored. But currently, it was the feeling of knowing her life isn’t the same anymore. She knew it wouldn’t be, didn’t she? She knew her life would change someday. Someday soon even. But now, she wished it was as far away as the sun from the earth. But it’s here. The moment she processed the fact her friends weren’t friends anymore. She was used to her friends leaving her. That was for sure. But she wasn’t used to them leaving each other.

In the back of her head, she wondered if this was worth it. If the times they were friends, and she was happy with them, was worth this period of uncomfort in her heart. Cassie let her eyes squint, forcing tears out. She wanted to be selfish again. She wanted nothing more than to not care about Qiu or tamarack any longer. But she does. And now, it causes her to feel this lump in her throat. It felt like a black hole was sucking any possible words or sobs away from her. She couldn’t have the relief of sobbing, nor the feeling of familiarity in any way good.

[c03lh4]

A soulmate and a twin flame chapter 2

It is funny. Here I am, muddled because my crush is not with another person. It's stupid, funny. I am not the clown, I am the entire circus, and the crowd laughing at me is no one other than myself. "So, you're giving up on Jamie?" … "Yeah…" He softly replied, offering a shrug to console my poor racing mind. I stayed silent. It was hard to believe that after years of trying to sweep him off his feet and eventually giving up on my crush myself. He was supposed to be the one who could get what he wanted out of the two of us. "It really feels that impossible? I mean, this scenario really looks that absurd?" "It does." It was his turn to be silent …

The first weeks, or months (I can't count), were the worst ones. It was the abstinence phase, it was hard. Cove had lost a little of the shine he had on him, he was still glimmering but seemed faded. Fall took many things that particular year, Cove's puppy love was one of those things, he withered like flowers in autumn. Although I was not his Sun, I tried to be at least his little excuse of a sunshine.

"Hey Cove!" I smiled while I sat beside him. "Hey…" He weakly mumbled out. "How are things going?" "The same as always." Small talk was cut off as the teacher walked inside the classroom. It was pretty normal and easygoing for the most part, but Cove still was kind of depressed so I took a few notes for him. … "So, do you want to go out? We could go to the beach and-" "No." He promptly said. "But-" "No." He cut me off again. "Well, okay. Maybe instead of the beach, we can-" "NO, JUST- STOP! I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT IT'S ONLY MAKING ME FEEL WORSE! YOU'RE TERRIBLE AT THIS! It wasn't your heart that broke. Do you know what it is like? The only person who could make me happy doesn't love me."

That… That hurt. Hahah, if he only knew, hahah how funny it would be hahah haha. Hahahah, hahah… ha…

"Cove looked at them, he panicked. "Y-Y/N I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… Sorry, I-" "Ha… I don't know what it is like? Hahah… You know nothing." It was anger, maybe the atrocity, sadness, being unacknowledged, all the bottled-up inside feelings who wanted revenge for being trapped for so long. "YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO PRETEND EVERY DAY AND HIDE IT EVERY DAY AND WATCH THEM EVERY DAY AS THEY FALL FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHO ISN'T YOU! IT'S SO HARD AND DEVASTING AND…" my breath and tears won over my voice. My feelings stormed like a hurricane, everything I always wanted to let out, except for one. "Who?" He asked me I wipe my tears. "It's past, he is long gone, doesn't matter" I don't know how convincing I was, but Cove softened. "We are a pair of broken hearts then, huh?" He smiled with teary eyes, And hugged me.

I cried. I cried. I cried. He cried too. I didn't bother to wipe his or my tears. We were a perfect pair of a disaster of emotions. We made our own gloomy, lugubrious lake of sorrow.

Why did it need to be like that?

[snivel1]

Qiu Qiu Qiu...🤥

[nobieka]

i want to see them get a long so badly u dont even know

[kunimilktea]

Hiii im doodle dumping again heree

And heres some more family au stuff cause i cant get enough of it

Here are the adopted holden twins mer and mar! Have them and a bunch of kai doodles i did

More silly doodles of them

[aoi1dee]

OLNF Week Day 5: Comfort

@olnfweek2024 a short fic is below....

He just can’t handle it any more. Looking at himself in the mirror hurts. It feels like every time he looks, he finds a new thing to hate about himself. His acne seems to be getting worse as time goes on, his stupid fucking hair wont cooperate, the way he stands is off, his facial structure is uneven, every. single. thing. He hates himself. And no matter how many people can tell him that he’s perfect the way he is, he’ll never believe it. He believes that they’re just lying to make him feel better. 

He pulls at his yellow hoodie and opens the bathroom door to head downstairs once he believes that he is ready. Alex doesn’t want to go to school today but when does he ever. But today feels worse, especially since he woke up this morning hating himself more than usual. Ma had already left for work before he had even finished getting dressed so he couldn’t talk to her about this. Whenever he has days like this, talking to his Ma always helps him feel a little better. But the house was more empty than usual when he made it down with his bag. There was no reason to stay any longer, he walks out of the house and locks the door behind him.

When he turns around, he sees someone he doesn’t see often in the morning. 

Qiu closes the door behind them, they take a quick glance at Alex but looks back towards their house. Are they ignoring him? Alex twists his lips up into a smile and begins to walk towards Qiu, “Hey.” he greets as he holds the straps on his bag, “You heading to school?” Alex doesn’t want to bother Qiu with his issues but trying to act like his usual self is so much harder today, everything is so difficult. 

But knowing Qiu, they read his mind easily, “What’s wrong?” They look at him straight in the eyes.

At this point, it doesn’t shock Alex, “I’m alright, just tired.” He responds, “Do you wanna walk to school together?” They squint their eyes holding the stare just a little longer. Alex begins to sweat a little.

“...Sure.” They finally answer looking towards the road. Without notice, they begin walking off. Alex didn’t even realize it but when he does they’re already a foot away.

“Wait!!” He runs after them and slows down when he makes it to them, “Is something wrong? You don’t have to walk with me if you don’t want to…” He’s really hoping that they want to… he doesn’t know if he can handle it if he forced Qiu to walk with him. What if they wanted to walk by themself?

They stop to look at Alex straight in the eyes again, “Sorry, I do want to walk with you.” Their eyes lead down to his hoodie. He started pulling at the hoodie again, was there something wrong with it? Was there a stain? Did he look weird? Oh god he probably dropped something on his shirt when he was making himself lunch! That's probably why they were staring. But they would’ve said something by now… they don’t usually keep those things to themself. After staring for what felt like forever, they begin walking again, Alex follows.

They finally made it to school. The entire walk was filled with an extremely awkward silence. Usually when they walk together, Alex talks about random things and Qiu listens. But Alex couldn’t find his wording today so he’s glad that that walk to school was over… 

Before Alex could even say goodbye to head to class, Qiu grabs his hand, “Do you want to hang out after school?” What. Did they seriously just ASK Alex THEMSELF if he wanted to hang out with them??? They never do that anymore!! Wait a minute, they should have ballet today too… Why are they asking him when they obviously have stuff to do?

“But don’t you have ballet practice?” 

“Screw ballet.” They spit out, “So do you want to hang out?” Well that was obvious, they haven’t been the biggest fan of it recently. But why do they want to hang out? After such an awkward walk to school?

“Sure!” Alex grins, “I’m sure my Ma wouldn’t mind.” 

“Does she ever?” Qiu grins back and slides their hand out of his hand when they begin walking to class, “See you later.”

“See you!” The further they walk away the more Alex’s frown becomes more apparent. His feet stay in place though. 

He doesn’t want to go to class. But he doesn’t want to skip…. So why isn’t he moving? He needs to go. Class starts in 1 minute. It's going to take longer than a minute to make it to class. He doesn’t want to go but he needs to. It’s too late already. He’s already late. The bell hasn’t rung and he’s already late. Was there even a point of going to class? He won’t be able to focus anyways. But if he doesn’t go to class he’ll get in trouble. Why wasn’t he walking? What's wrong with him? He needs to go. He needs to-

The bell rings. And his world crashes. 

He can’t take it anymore. His vision starts to blur as the bell continues ringing. Everything swirls together. Sweat starts dripping down his face, his breathing got harder as his mind filled with every single possibility. His body feels heavier as he starts taking steps to the restroom he needs to hide. Is he going to pass out? His Ma would be so disappointed in him. He shouldn’t be doing this. His Ma has much more important things to be doing. Everything seems so loud. Everything hurts. His head hurts, His footsteps, his breathing. Every touch feels like a hit. He opens the bathroom stall and everything fades away.

-----

The bell rings once again. Alex rests his head on his knees, his red earmuffs muffling the sounds of the halls as students share about their day. The school day had ended. It went by faster than he thought it would. He didn’t go to class, he probably passed out from stress that's why the day went by. He doesn’t want to leave. The entire world is looking for him right now.

Knock Knock. Alex hugs himself closer as he looks down at the shoes beyond the door. Those are Qiu’s.

“Alex? Are you in there?” They knock again. He doesn’t want to answer, but it’s Qiu. He promised them that they would hang out.  

Alex uncurls himself from the seat and opens the door, “Hi” 

Qiu frowns immediately, “Seriously, what's wrong? Your Ma got a call from the school saying that you were missing from your classes. Tam and I have been searching for you everywhere…” 

Tears fell down Alex’s face after holding back for so long, “I’m sorry… I-” he stops for a second, “I didn’t mean to worry you guys… I’m okay.”

“No you’re not.” Qiu grabs onto his hands the same way they did this morning, “Stop acting like your problems are a burden to everyone. I tell you my problems… you can tell me yours.” They squeeze his hands, “Let's go home okay?”

“...Okay.”

Alex’s Ma drives Qiu, Tam, and him back to their houses. Raindrops strike the window covering the view of the neighborhood complimenting Alex’s day. Really shitty. He sits in the middle between his neighbors. They’re both holding his hands. No one was saying anything, the only thing keeping the 4 of them from complete silence was the music playing from the car radio. They make it back to the cul-de-sac and walk into the Morello household. 

“I’m going to cook something up.” His Ma tells the three of them, smiling slightly, “You guys can go upstairs and hang out for a bit.” Immediately the three of them make their way to Alex’s bedroom. Tamarack pushes the door open and they all drop down onto the bed.

Alex holds his face into his hands and sobs, unable to hold the blank stare he has held the entire ride. Qiu wraps their arm around his shoulder and Tam leans against him. The rain continues to hit the window behind them. 

“Alex… what's going on?” Tam sniffles, “You shouldn’t have to be afraid to tell us anything you know?” Tears start rolling down her cheeks, “We care about you just as much as you care about us…” Qiu leans their head against Alex with tears at the corners of their eyes. 

Alex removes his hands from his face and.. everything spills. Every single thought that went through his mind, all of the terrible things that he has been telling himself, everything. Even stuff that wasn’t bothering him today. Why he didn’t go to classes. 

And they listened. They’ve always listened. 

They comforted him. 

(.... this would’ve been so much more if i didn’t say these were supposed to be short fics. Help me)

[that-culdesac-kid]

So I was looking at Tamarack and Qiu's expression sheets a while ago and noticed that they have two versions of blush.

I thought: "Huh. I guess blush 1 is a soft blush and blush 2 is a deep blush?"

And since I was curious, I tried to compare the two by layering the images on top of each other.

That's when I realized...

TAMARACK'S NOSE TURNS RED WHEN SHE BLUSHES DEEPLY

AND QIU DOES THE SAME WITH THEIR EARS

THAT'S SUCH A CUTE DETAIL I-

Fic writers, this is a free real estate. Do what you want with this information.

[disaster-magician]

Looks like you found one of those golden retriever girls! Good luck with that, Tamarack

(Fake screenshots! These are fan made based on incorrect quotes and not in the game)

[an-established-butt-dent]

At home in the shadows. Forgotten dreams.

Solas: Dragon age

Ink on paper

[differenteagletragedy]

Takes place during the wedding/wedding planning with Cove! Derek is your man of honor, but he's a little sad because he's always had feelings for you. Baxter is your wedding planner, but he's a little sad because he was in love with you but then left. Can the sad boys come together? Read on to find out!

DEREK

When you and Cove had called Derek to tell him that you'd gotten engaged, it wasn't a surprise.

Bittersweet? Yes. Shocking? Not even a little.

But when you called him later to ask him to be your best man, well, that was a different matter entirely. He hadn't even thought about it, but if he had he would have been sure you would have picked Liz, or maybe Lee to stand beside you during your wedding. You were good friends, sure, and he considered you and Cove his best friends, but to give him that position? He certainly didn't expect it.

He agreed immediately, of course -- he'd always do anything for you.

It was only after he hung up the phone that he considered what it might truly entail, to be in the wedding party of the person he loved while they married someone else. It would be hard, he knew that, but he'd just have to push aside his feelings and be there for you. That part, at least, was second nature to him.

Throughout the planning process, Derek put everything he had into being the best best man he could be. He researched the traditional duties of the role, kept in close contact with you and the rest of the wedding party to plan any events or dress and tux fittings, that kind of thing. He let himself get so busy that he didn't give himself time to think.

But when it was finally the big day and he stood in the corner of your hotel room, respectfully looking away while your family members helped you get dressed, the thoughts started creeping in.

This was it. The life he'd dreamed of for over a decade, officially out of reach. You were marrying Cove, which was wonderful -- even in the solace of his own mind, he wouldn't let himself think any bad thoughts about Cove -- but he knew this meant that you were going to be with each other forever, and his seat on the sidelines would become permanent.

"Derek, check me out!" you said giddily, done getting ready.

He turned and took in the sight -- you looked absolutely gorgeous.

"Yeah, you're going to knock Cove right out," he told you, trying not to think about how he felt a little weak in the knees himself.

Everything moved quickly from there. You and Cove took off to make your way to the ceremony, and everyone else at the hotel did too. The wedding party was gathered by the beginning of the aisle, and then soft music began, they walked up in groups to the little archway assembled there on the beach. He and Cliff went last, standing closest by the justice of the peace that was officiating the ceremony.

Cove walked down the aisle next, already visibly crying. He felt a pang of affection for his friend, knowing how thrilled he was. He never held anything against him, he never could.

Then it was your turn. It sounded like the music stopped, and felt like the world did right alone with it. With Derek standing there like that, it could have almost been like you were walking to meet him. Your stare laser focused on Cove indicated differently.

He tried to focus solely on what was happening, but it was hard. Derek was a planner, through and through, and when he was 13, you and he had planned to get married yourselves later on if you were still single. You weren't, obviously, and he never would have held you to the deal, but still, the thought that you'd agreed to end up with him, even under those circumstances, had always been a comfort, and something to work towards.

What was he supposed to dream of now?

BAXTER

When he was 19, Baxter spent a summer falling in love with you. It was a lovely time, and then it was over, and as he always did, he'd cut you out of his life completely, certain it was for the best.

It hurt, and if he was honest with himself (which also hurt), he'd never stopped missing you. He didn't pine over you or anything, it was never quite that intense, but more often than he'd like, he was reminded of you and how much fun you'd had together. And yes, he missed it.

So five years later, when he walked into his office to greet his new clients and saw you sitting there with Cove, there was the briefest of moments in which he didn't put together what it all meant. You were here, you'd found each other again, maybe ...

Then he saw Cove's hand on your thigh with yours resting on top of it, and he realized. Of course. You'd gotten your happily ever after with the handsome ocean boy next door, and fate had brought you back together to show Baxter, once again, how meaningless he truly was.

He quickly put on a smile -- most of his smiles were fake anymore anyway, so it only required a little extra effort. He did his best, genuinely, to give you the perfect wedding, no matter how much it hurt when he saw you and Cove share those lovesick little looks.

He really felt like he was doing a good job of handling it until it was time to give you your dance lesson. He'd almost balked when you'd asked, but it was a service he'd said he offered, he couldn't very well back out of it. He gave Cove a lesson just before yours, and hearing how highly he spoke of you, the love so plain on his face, so pure and sweet and not pushed down and made sick by self hatred like his own love for you had been ...

Well, he really didn't feel up to dancing with you after that.

But you came in anyway, looking as beautiful as you always did, and he felt such an interesting mix of excitement and trepidation. He pushed through, turned on some music, and offered you his hand.

There was another split second there where Baxter could almost let himself believe that he stood a chance, holding you again like that. Then you grabbed the chance to remind him of what he'd done to you five years ago. You wanted to know why.

As he explained his feelings, as openly as he could, you listened. Really listened. Even as he put his most pathetic inner thoughts to words, where most people would run, you stayed. Right in his arms.

When the lesson was done and you left, he'd smiled at you, but it crumpled as soon as you closed the door behind you. It was time for him to go home, but he didn't feel safe to drive so instead he went to his office, curled up on his couch and let himself cry. It wasn't often that he granted himself that release.

Throughout the wedding day, he felt a dull ache in his chest that never went away. It was plain to see how much you and Cove belonged together. You fit together in a way never could with you. With anyone.

COMING TOGETHER

When the wedding was over and you and Cove had gone off to begin your night of wedded bliss before embarking on your honeymoon the next day, Baxter was roaming the venue with a handful of employees, finishing the job of cleaning things up and leaving the beach the way it had been that morning.

There were just a few stragglers from the wedding left, and he offered them tight smiles as he moved by them, eager to end the day so he could go home and feel sorry for himself.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Baxter looked up and saw a member of your wedding party -- your man of honor, specifically. They'd been introduced earlier in the planning process, and he'd heard plenty about them during his summer in Sunset Bird.

"That's quite all right, Derek," he said politely, trying for another one of those pained smiles. "You should be enjoying yourself, don't concern yourself with any of this."

When Derek didn't immediately respond, Baxter took a moment to actually look at him. His broad, muscled shoulders were tense, and his hands kept balling themselves into fists that he tried to subtly shake out, only for them to come back. His jaw was clenched, and his expression, to Baxter anyway, read something like "I'm desperate but desperately wanting not to appear desperate.

An odd set of mannerisms for someone whose best friend just married the love of their life, he thought. But he knew desperation, and he was in no shape to push back.

"If you'd like, you could assist in folding the chairs," he offered. He pointed further up the beach, closer to the parking lot. "The plan is to stack them up there and then load them up."

"Sure," Derek said, giving Baxter a grin. "I can help."

The two of them began folding the chairs that had been left out for the wedding guests, in a silence that wasn't uncomfortable. Then, because the wedding was over and Baxter couldn't imagine a scenario in which he'd run into Derek again, he let himself get a little chatty.

"Why is the man of honor staying behind for cleanup duty?" he asked, glancing Derek's way. "If I heard correctly, it sounded as though the rest of the wedding party went to continue the celebration elsewhere."

Derek took a moment to answer - truthfully, he'd wanted to tell Baxter that he didn't feel like celebrating, but that felt mean, and he didn't mean it. At least he didn't want to mean it.

"I just like to keep busy," he said. "I thought you guys could use some help."

"Well, it's very much appreciated," Baxter replied, pretending, for the moment at least, that he couldn't read through those lines.

He thought back to his summer with you and what you'd said about Derek -- how sweet he was, how much he did for you. He remembered idly wondering then if he'd had a crush on you, and he could tell now that he was right. With the way the man seemed laser focused on the task of folding chairs, it might have even been a little more than a crush.

"Why did you leave them?"

Baxter looked up at Derek's words, surprised. Of all the things he'd expected him to say, that certainly wasn't one of them.

"It's ... complicated," he answered, not feeling like diving into the whole sad, sorry story. "Why did you never tell them you love them?"

Derek laughed mirthlessly, then shook his head. "It's complicated."

They both fell silent then, set on completing the task at hand and at least taking solace in the fact that if they were miserable on the happiest day of your life, they weren't alone.

[srenorsomethin9]

I Hate Starlight

This video is inspired by my headcanon based on what we've got in the demo & Qiu's character description/profile. Qiu's is pretty closed off in Step 2 & I imagined them denying their growing feelings for Star because they don't wanna add up more things to think about while they're still struggling with figuring themselves out. I feel like at this stage (in my headcanon lol) they would rather just let their relationship with Star be the same rather than taking the risk of changing it for possibly the worst.

[justalittlelilac]

Four days.

You had four days to tell Qiu Lin you were in love with them, and you just missed your first opportunity.

Part 1

The rickety "hideout" fort creaked mournfully under you as you climbed its weathered wall, pulling yourself toward the top. Pale, sun-bleached wood like dry bones brushed your skin, and you were careful with your hand placement to avoid splinters for the thousandth time.

The fort was a skeleton of your childhood, each wooden beam a brittle rib holding together a heart that beat with memories. The wood was warping in some places, and every nail was colored with rust. At some point over the years, you had to get creative with your foot placement because the rock wall was missing its original number of steps.

You could still hear Mrs. Lin's voice from a year ago, requesting Mr. Lin to tear it down, calling it a "safety hazard." It absolutely was—is—but that didn't stop Qiu, Tamarack, and you from protesting incessantly over keeping it up. The two adults eventually relented, much to your trio's pleasure of keeping a piece of your childhood a bit longer.

As you reached the top, you thought distantly that it'd likely come down now that Qiu wouldn't be here, the true reason for it still standing gone. Nostalgic bitterness coated your throat like a sour film with the understanding that next fall, this yard would likely be empty, and this fort would be nothing but another memory.

"Hey stranger," a familiar voice called, pulling you back from the brink of your common stormy thoughts. Your eyes snapped up, and there they were—Qiu, grinning down at you with that easy, sunlit smile and amused dark eyes, crouched against the post of the opening.

It was like everything else dimmed. Your breath caught, and for a moment, your mind went blank, as if spooked by their very sight, as if you had forgotten why you were here.

They were just as beautiful as you remembered. Even more so. Their hair was half up, dark and loose, a few strands framing their face. Their grin settled into a gentle smile as they reached out a hand to help you up. Schooling your features to be more nonchalant, you readily grasped it, relishing the warmth that spread up your arm from the contact.

"Hey yourself," you replied cooly while climbing into the hideout. Your nose was filled with the scent of old wet wood and earth as you righted yourself and briefly took in the interior. The thing hadn't changed since the last time the three of you were in it—a shrine to simpler days.

The ceiling was bordered with a string of battery-operated twinkle lights—long since burned out, victims of time and the elements. A rouge blanket lay crumpled in the corner abandoned. Some well-worn comics and magazines were scattered around it haphazardly as if the group had left in a hurry and just never returned.

No time travel was involved, yet it felt like only yesterday—this time capsule of youth.

Qiu settled themselves against the far wall, stretching their legs, and you did the same across from them. There was no way the two of you could stand in the space anymore. That ended around age 14, but somehow, you kept coming back, all of you. It was like a touchstone, a headquarters.

Now, the small fort was comfortably cramped with your legs stacked side-by-side. Qiu shoved their hands in their jacket pockets and leaned their head back to look at the ceiling. It was a routine of sorts; no words are needed right away. No expectation of entertainment in the slightest. Just the quiet calm between two people who knew each other better than anyone else.

"Oh, right!" Qiu exclaimed, suddenly remembering, twisting around to reach into the back pocket of their jeans. You couldn't help but smirk; it was so like Qiu to forget why they'd asked you to come in the first place. Even still, you were buzzing with curiosity.

After a moment of fumbling, they produced something, hiding it behind their back, and paused for dramatic effect with a grin. You laughed and nudged their leg.

"Come on, you're killing me here, and it's getting cold!" The sun had already dipped below the tree line, blanketing the world in the blues and purples of twilight. It had also taken the warmth, and you could start to see your breath puff small, visible clouds. As you waited, you could faintly smell smoke on the gentle wind of someone burning leaves. Qiu chuckled in response.

"Okay, okay, I've made you suffer long enough." With a self-assured smirk, they revealed what they'd been hiding. Dangling from their hand was a keychain—a small, smiling dolphin. It spun lazily on its metal ring like a leaf caught in a gentle current.

You blinked, then reached out to take it, turning it over and brushing your thumb over the warm, smooth plastic. The words were engraved in delicate cursive on the dolphin's side: "Prism Vista City."

Where Qiu was attending school.

It had been quite a story of how Qiu ended up there. Last year, seemingly out of the blue, back from the dead, an old childhood friend, Baxter Ward, had reached out to all of you wanting to make amends and reconnect. Somehow, that led Qiu and their parents to California to visit Baxter and see the university there.

Unsurprisingly, Qiu fell in love with the city. With its warm weather, bright lights, and something always going on—ever-changing, it was right up Qiu's alley. Moreover, the university held a highly reputable program that Qiu wanted to study, and they already knew someone in the area.

Of course, they had been accepted. Of course, they had decided to go. You had been happy for them. Thrilled, even. It had seemed like such a grand adventure—a reunion, a new beginning. How could you ever be upset about that?

Your fingers tightened around the dolphin, bending its top fin slightly.

"For your keys!" Qiu said with some pride, crossing their arms. That's right, you had car keys now. At the beginning of summer, your mom relinquished ownership of the old vehicle to you and bought herself a newer one. It had made you feel invincible, like a superhero, driving Qiu and Tamarack around on those late, warm nights with the windows down and music blasting. Another memory you held dear.

"Thanks! It'll be my first one, actually. This was really thoughtful, Qiu. You didn't have to get me anything, though," You gave them a genuine smile, clutching the little gift to your chest.

Qiu beamed at you like they'd just won the lottery. For a moment, that familiar flutter filled your stomach. You could tell them now. You could get it over with and let the words out into the open air, but then what? The thought flickered, and you brushed it aside.

What mattered was that Qiu was here now, and time was slipping through your fingers like water. You could tell them how you felt, risk losing them forever, or stay silent and lose them just the same. You opened your mouth to speak, but Qiu beat you to it.

"I absolutely needed to! I was at the pier with Micah and some of our other friends—you remember me telling you about Micah, right? Well, anyway, it's actually a pretty funny story. We'd all just got out of class, and Kacy said…" The rest of Qiu's story had faded into radio static.

Your eyes trailed down to the dolphin with its mocking smile. Right. Qiu was building a life there. They already had new friends, like you knew they would. Even outside of Golden Grove, they still shined.

They were already building new memories. Memories that didn't include you.

Like watching a movie that you already knew the ending to, you felt yourself drift away from the moment, just like everything else in this damn town.

Just like everything else in your life.

If only you were more like them, brave enough to leave, to chase the unknown. But you weren't. You weren't smart like that, determined—ambitious. You had chosen to stay, to settle, and that's where your life remained buried, while Qiu's only grew like vines reaching for the sun.

"Hey, you okay?" Came Qiu's voice. You finally snapped your head up to look at them, a dull ache forming behind your eyes. They wore an amused smile until it melted off their face at whatever expression they saw on yours.

You tried to school it into something more pleasant and failed miserably. Qiu's face morphed into concern, and they sat up straighter. "What's wrong? You know you can tell me."

You shook your head, shoving the dolphin deep into your coat pocket, where it felt like a lead weight. "It's nothing. I'm just super stressed about this last exam I have to do tonight," you lied.

The words tasted bitter in your mouth. At one point in your adolescence, lying came as naturally to you as breathing. Lying to teachers, parents, and, in one case, the authorities, but never Tamarack and Qiu. Nowadays, lying comes out in 'I'm doing great's and 'Yeah, I love school!'

A rock settled in your stomach, watching Qiu nod in understanding, believing you. "Man, I feel you there. I still have an essay due at midnight," they commiserated.

"How much do you have left to do?" You inquired earnestly, happy to have the shift in conversation. Qiu's eyebrows pinched together, and they winced.

"I, uh, sort of haven't started it yet," they confessed with a sheepish grin. "I wanted to see you first. Plus, there's no way it'll take all night anyway."

"Qiu!" You groaned exasperatedly. Their eyes darted away guiltily, and you reached down to lightly smack their leg, earning another wince. "Well, that settles it." You shuffled towards the exit and began to climb down the rock wall. From behind, you heard Qiu mutter something and then sigh.

"Aw, come on! I just got back. Just a little longer?" they pleaded. Your feet landed with a soft thud on the grass below, and you turned to look up at them, leaning over the rail, just like the first time you met—except you were not as merciful as your ten-year-old self.

"Only one of us gets to be the burnout, Qiu Lin, and that role is already taken so—" you claimed with mock pride while putting your hands on your hips. In the same instance, you jutted a thumb behind you to their house. "Get to it."

Qiu's smile faltered. They never liked it when you joked about that. But it was true—you were the former gifted kid turned crash-out stoner while Qiu was…well, Qiu.

"That's not…" Qiu began, but you cut them off.

"If you don't start now, I'll make sure mom doesn't bring her pumpkin pie tomorrow," you threatened with a devilish smirk. Qiu laughed and narrowed their eyes.

"You wouldn't," they challenged.

"Find out," you shot back. Qiu's eyes widened with panic.

"Alright! Okay!" They gave a resigned sigh. "You know too many of my weaknesses; you've become too powerful." With a final sigh, they swung over the rail and jumped to the ground. You laughed at their antics. The fall wasn't nearly as high as when you were kids, but Qiu still managed to make it look daring.

In the deepening twilight, you stood there, face to face, the stars now bright and clear above you. They seemed closer here, sharper, like little diamonds twinkling in an onyx net. One of the things you loved most about Golden Grove was the minimal light pollution.

You, Qiu, and Tamarack had spent so many nights stargazing. Even more so with just the two of you. It felt like it had been yours and Qiu's thing—a private ritual. Qiu followed your gaze, and their smile grew as they looked up to the heavens.

"Jeez, I forgot how bright the stars are. You don't get that in Prism Vista," they said, almost wistfully.

"Yeah, that's cities for you," you murmured, wondering if they had looked up at the same night sky in those last few months and thought of you.

"True," Qiu replied. "Then again, with so much to do there, who needs stars? We used to stare at them for hours just to keep from going out of our minds with boredom." They chuckled softly, still gazing upward, sounding so casual.

Your heart ached. This thing that had meant so much to you was a distraction to them. For you, it had never been about the stars. It had always been about the person beside you, the one who had put them in the sky.

"…Qiu?" Your voice came out small, almost fragile. They lowered their head from the sky to look down at you, a kind smile gracing their face. Silence stretched thickly between the two of you.

Qiu's brow softened, and their smile shifted into something gentler, sending a flush to your cheeks and making your heart race. You stepped back, wussing out from whatever you were originally going to say. "Uh, we'll be over around three tomorrow," you said instead, stumbling over your words. "Mom wants us to help." Qiu blinked, momentarily thrown off.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I'll let mom know," they nodded, still looking slightly confused. You turned, eager to escape, but Qiu continued. "You don't have to go, though! If you're not busy—I mean, you could help me with this essay?" they asked, hopefully.

You turned back with a tight smile. "No, I need to get back to do that exam, and besides, you know we'd never get anything done, and then my threat would be pointless because I'm the one who distracted you," you laughed, then added, "Thanks again for the gift," You held up the dolphin and quickly shoved it back in your pocket. Qiu nodded, half-smiling.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then." With your own nod, you turned and headed in the direction you came.

"Love you!" Qiu called after you when you were halfway across the yard.

The words flowed through you, brushing delicately against your heart like a breeze, but you didn't answer, letting the crunch of leaves underfoot drown out the silence.

You pretended not to hear as you went, knowing it wasn't that kind of love and you couldn't say it back this time. That was boundary of your lying.

"I love you too," you whispered into your scarf as you went, clutching the keychain harder.

This was going to be the hardest Thanksgiving break of your life.

Part 3

[c03lh4]

BABE WAKE UP, PART TWO OF MY ANGST OL1 FANFIC JUST DROPPED ON AO3 WEWOWWEOWEEEWO

PLEASE READ IT I AM REALLY PROUD OF IT AND I THINK IT’S BETTER THAN TGE FIRST CHAPTER PLEASE DO IT CHAPTER TWO // CHAPTER ONE

[trashpocket]

autumn's song by stephen day </3