#outerbanks angst

[xveenusx]

Guilty

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: it didn't matter that she did everything for him. it didn't matter that she loved him. insecurities ruin a great thing, love can't fix these problems

Authors note: angsty angsty angsty, bad JJ

Song rec: grave by tate mccrae

Part 2: Wanted

Perfect.

Everything had to be perfect. 

The perfect dress. The perfect makeup. The perfect boy. 

The past several days were borderline catastrophic with JJ getting arrested for sinking Topper’s boat. I begged and pleaded with my parents to help me get him out, promising them anything they wanted. They asked for the one thing I couldn’t give them. JJ. 

And yet, I said yes. I said yes because the thought of him sitting in a cell all alone, stuck with nothing but his thoughts made my stomach turn. He’s always thought that nobody needed him. Maybe that was something his drunken father drilled into him but it was far from the truth. I needed him.

Everything had spun out of control and it all started the minute I met JJ Maybank. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being with him was like walking for the first time. Nerve wracking yet exhilarating--freeing.  

My life before him was just that, a life. Everything revolved around being the perfect little daughter to my parents. Debutantes, charity dinners, polo matches, and country clubs filled my schedule to the brim but they were rarely there. My mother was running a successful fashion line, working on her latest release while my father was a shark in the courtroom. While I loved every second of splurging on clothes, lavish trips to Europe, brunch at my favorite restaurant, I was missing something. I always felt like something was missing in a world where I had everything. 

That’s not to say I’m ungrateful for every opportunity my position and family has afforded me. But when you spend enough time with people you realize are only conversing with you for money or to step on you to increase their social capital, nothing seems genuine. 

Everything interaction was superficial and it became isolating. But with JJ, each and every moment we shared was intimate and unfeigned. 

He taught me how to surf the swells he spent hours in daily. I learned the slight touch of hand in the art of being a mild kleptomaniac. After several failed attempts and many loud complaints, I could finally balance on his dirt bike. 

None of these moments could be bought with money and maybe that’s why I cherished them so much. I cherished them so greatly that I refused to let them go.

And in turn, I couldn’t let him go. Despite the ever growing distance that's wedged itself between us the moment he was released from jail. Maybe it was a pride thing, or maybe it could have been the condescending jabs my dad threw his way, but JJ had pulled away. 

My father's threats to revoke the bail money hung heavy above our heads. So tonight, I was going to try and change that. I needed to bridge the gap that had us so far apart. Midsummers was how I was going to achieve that.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and held it for several seconds to calm my racing heart. I open them slowly, dragging my gaze along my reflection on the floor length mirror at the entrance to the club. A silky number drapes my dainty figure in the softest brush of yellow with threaded pearls as straps. Ivory satin Jimmy Choo heels from their latest collection decorated my feet. 

The familiar rumble of a truck had a grin pulling at the corners of my lips. My parents were somewhere in the building, having been on the board and needed to sign off on some last minute details. 

I didn’t mind the constant abandonment. The loneliness that once clung to me had slowly evaporated the moment JJ entered my world. 

Grabbing my Chrsitian Dior clutch, I headed for the entrance of the Island Club. A familiar mass of shaggy blonde hair had my feet moving quicker. The minute his face came into view I knew something was wrong. 

His lips were tight in a grim line as he continuously shook his head. I quickened my steps, apologizing swiftly to several people who were trying to get my attention. 

“I’m sorry, sir. Are you a member here?”

“Well, no, but my girlfriend-.” 

“Then I’m afraid you're going to have to turn back around. This is a private club.”

“Listen dude, my girlfriend invited me and-”

“Sir, you need to get back into your vehicle before I call security.” The coordinator, who went by Ryan, dismissed JJ without a second glance.

JJ’s eyes narrowed. “If you’d let me speak-”

“This is private property.”

“Bro, calm down. You’re not protecting the president.” JJ huffed, shoving his hands into his pocket. His cheeks tinted a slight red which had my blood boiling. 

He was person. Period. One that didn't deserve to be treated like that especially in such a public setting. I was livid at the thought of Ryan managing to make JJ feel embarrassed. 

“You’re not a member-”

“No, but I am.” I snapped coming to a stop beside him, causing the event coordinator to rear his head back in surprise.

“Hey, baby. ” The familiar pull of his voice coated me like the warmest honey. A smirk tugged at his lips at the obvious irritation on my face. 

Pausing to give JJ my attention, I placed a soft kiss on his lips and pushed back a wild strand of blonde hair. “Hi.”

The smile he gave me was like a sudden beam of light that hit me square in the chest. 

“I am so sorry. I didn’t realize he was with you-”

“Add JJ Maybank to my member account,” My words were sharp and left little room for argument, though they were dripping with the sickeningly sweet tone I mastered at the young age of twelve. “Consider yourself up to date.”

“I’ll get it done.” With that, Ryan tipped his head and left quickly. 

I bristled once more, muttering under my breath, ”Dick.” My chest was heavy with guilt at his treatment, wondering if this was actually a good idea. I gnawed at my bottom lip nervously.  

This was not how I wanted our night to start. 

“I’ve never been a member before.”

Not bothering to conceal my giggle, I turned around and allowed my eyes to drift over every inch of JJ. The black suit I bought him was fitted and hugged every muscle in a way that had my stomach clenching. 

Sun kissed hands reached for me the moment I was within his reach. My arms wrap around the mass of lean muscles, my nose buried in his neck. Taking a deep breath, salt and sex wax filled my senses and I let myself relax. 

Home. He felt like home.

“You look very handsome.”

A rumble left his chest. “My sugar mama bought it for me.”

Hiding my face in his chest, a loud laugh slipped past my lips. JJ shushed me almost immediately, “People are looking. We can’t have them thinking we’re together.”

I pulled away, trying to keep a straight face at his antics. “We are together.”

“Shit, we are?” He held out his hand, amusement and mischief dancing in his eyes. “My sugar mama can’t find out or she’ll cut me off.”

How could I not love him when he made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt?

I hit his arm with my purse in mock outrage before taking his hand while his other touched my bare back. The feel of his rough calloused hands from all his hard work has me suck in a breath. Those rough hard hands knew my body intimately, inside and out. 

“Do that again and I’m finding the nearest bathroom.” JJ leaned down, his lips brushing against the top of my ear. 

A clearing of the throat had us both turning our heads. My father stood there with a stoic face, his eyes promising retribution later. 

Looking at my father directly in the eye, I place my arm in the crook of his, lacing us together. 

“I see you brought a friend.” The last word is spoken with clear disdain. 

My grip on JJ’s arm tightened. “I brought my boyfriend.”

“We’ll talk about this later.” 

As if they’d actually be home, I thought but decided to keep that to myself.

Deciding that this entire conversation was pointless, I was dragging JJ away from the pair when my father grabbed JJ, whispering something in his ear.

My stomach shrunk and apprehension filled me as the light look of JJ’s face fell, replaced with a flat look and hardened eyes. 

“Duly noted, sir.” His mouth curled in a sarcastic snark. 

I shot my father a disappointed look. Curling myself into JJ’s side, my arm wrapped around his waist and I tugged us into the party. “Ignore him, please.”

“Already forgotten, princess.”

My eyes watch his face for any sign of distress, but find nothing. Guilt ebbed aways at my walls.

“Let’s go find Mr. Adams. He owns a chain of surf shops. I’m sure if we schmooze him, we can get you a solid job or maybe even a board.” I tossed him a wink that had him grinning. 

“I like the way you think. Lead the way, gorgeous.”

Despite his hand on my back, all the warmth we had a mere moments ago was gone. I couldn’t help but notice the small distance he kept between us. One that didn’t exist until my father opened his mouth. 

Several hours later, the sun had begun to set and a cool breeze now caressed my bare back. I embraced the cool breeze due to the several glasses of champagne I had. 

Despite my love for the warm buzz it gave me, it did little for my bladder. “I’ll be right back.”

His eyes widened in alarm. “You can’t leave me here with these people.”

I smothered my laugh with my hand. “Did you want to come with me?”

“To the bathroom? Kinky, I’m in.” JJ responded, clutching my hand in his before expertly pulling us through the crowd. 

Nothing could peel off the cheesy smile that bore my face. Despite the slight hiccup at the beginning of the night, JJ charmed most of the members with his charm and humor. I was hoping with some networking, I could help JJ get some security. I believed he was capable of doing just about anything. He had such determination and never let failure keep him down. 

JJ knew how to hussle and I wanted everyone to see his potential, even if at times he didn’t see it himself. 

My heels clicked along the granite floor, our hands swinging in the air. A shriek escaped my lips as JJ twirls me around, my dress swishing around my ankles. “Gorgeous.” He puffed out his cheeks, his gaze boring into mine.

Our matching grins were nothing short of radiant. Being with him was easy in a world filled with difficult people. 

“Well this is disgusting.”

JJ went rigid. That wouldn’t have concerned me if he hadn’t muttered panicked curses under his breath. “If someone says one more thing to me..”

JJ never let Rafe intimidate him before but for some reason JJ seemed a little more hesitant with this exchange. Realization dawned on me. The boat. Fuck. 

I let my hands fall while rolling my eyes and turning to face Rafe. There he stood in all his stuck up glory, not a hair out of place and his suit neatly pressed. He looked every bit of a country member as one could possibly be with the light blue suit paired with a white undershirt and blue bow tie, brown dress shoes on his feet. 

“Don’t you have another line to snort?” I asked.

Sure, Rafe was conventionally attractive, if you didn’t pay attention to the blown pupils and the constant brush of his nose or the foggy look in his eyes. 

JJ snickered beside me, his hand softly tapping my ass twice in support. 

“JJ, go get me a drink.” Rafe cocked his head.

“I’m actually a member here now.” JJ responded, his hand caressed my cheek softly.

Shocked painted Rafe’s face. “That’s not poss-”

Kelce and Topper stood beside him, both in colored pressed suits as well. They kind of looked like the-”You powerpuff girls have fun.” JJ said with a crooked smile and a tip of the hat.

He seized me by the wrist and strode over to the exit. Relief at his plan to avoid a fight was fleeting at Rafe’s next words.

“If I knew a trailer home and food stamps was all it took for you to open your legs, I would have tried a long time ago.”

JJ jerked around in seconds, ripping out of my grip. He stalked towards Rafe, drawing his arm back before connecting with his jaw. 

A shout passed my lips, my hands covering my mouth in horror as JJ struck Rafe twice more, one blow hitting him directly on the nose. Blood began to gush out of Rafe’s nose, staining his dress shirt a deep crimson. “Say that shit again. Say it.”

Rafe let out a mirthless laugh, his lips pulled at the sides revealing his red stained teeth. “Once a pogue, always a pogue. Isn’t that right, JJ?”

Kelce jumped into action, his arm wrapping around JJ’s neck, pulling him off a Rafe into an effective headlock. That’s when I noticed two more hulking figures and suddenly we were surrounded. 

“Five on one, Rafe? Really?” JJ choked out, tugging at Kelce’s arm. 

Without thinking, I walked behind Kelce and slammed the metal clasp of the bag against the side of his head. Once. Twice. Three times. “Let go of him!” 

Kelce let out a yelp and jerked back, causing his grip on JJ to loosen just enough for him to get free. I went towards him in an instant, but he pushed me behind him as he surveyed the remaining men in front of us. 

Whispers dragged my attention from the scene in front of me as I locked eyes with several members who had poked their heads into the locker area. Shit, this really wasn’t good. I needed to get JJ out of here as soon as possible. I didn’t want to give my father any more ammunition against him. 

Clutching his arm, I tugged him once more towards the exit. I could hear more activity outside the locker room which had me pulling at him harder. I wasn’t going to let Rafe make him look bad in front of all these influential people. Over my dead body. 

“People are coming. We have to go.”

His chest rose and fell with quick breaths, his steele blue gaze not leaving Rafe’s.

“I’m serious. For me, JJ, please?” My final plea seemed to have pulled him out of his angry haze. Without wasting a second, he let me pull him further and further away from the group. Lacing his hand in mine, I made quick work of fixing his suit and his hair, pressing soft kisses as I went. 

“Whenever you’re done slumming it, you know where I am.” Rafe called out from behind us, earning us enough leers from fellow members. 

He tore his hand from mine. “Fuck this.” 

Apprehension coursed through me.

I could feel the storm brewing with each step he took. I trailed behind, my small steps nothing to his long strides. Rafe hit a nerve. One that JJ refused to acknowledge and let fester for months now. It was the elephant in the room any time I offered to pay anything at all. It bothered him, all the money my family had.

“Ignore him, Jayj.” I called out from behind him but his steps never faltered. “Rafe was just trying to get a reaction out of you.”

I could hear the soft melody of the music drifting over the wind from the party that was supposed to fix all our problems. Perhaps I was sticking a bandaid on a gaping wound. 

His shoulders were tense as he stopped a couple feet in front of me, shaking his head. Nerves had my stomach in knots. I only had one shot at trying to fix this. Feelings were never JJ’s thing. He spent months fighting our attraction before he finally gave in. Dating a Kook was never something JJ considered. 

Unfortunately, it was something others thought as well because they never failed to remind him. My father included. 

So here we are. JJ was backed into a corner and like any wounded animal, he had two choices. He could concede or attack and I knew JJ like the back of my hand. He would never give up, so instead he’d go for the throat. 

Too bad it was my throat he went for. 

“I understand-” I stopped speaking the moment JJ whipped around, his eyes cutting me deeply.

“You don’t.” I didn’t respond. My eyes lingered on his busted lip and bruised chiseled face. “You don’t understand so please don’t try to make me feel better by pretending that you do.” 

I pursed my lips. JJ was right, I didn’t understand what it was like to be in his position, but that didn’t mean I didn’t care. That I didn’t want to take away every ounce of pain if it meant he would be happy. 

“You’re right. But Jayj, it’s Rafe.” I argued softly, not wanting to draw attention to us. “He always says shit like that to rile you up but you’ve never let it bother you before. Why now?”

JJ’s face flushed. “Because he’s fucking right. That’s why it bothers me.”

My lips wobbled and I pressed them together. I had gone out of my way to ensure he’d never feel this way. I guess I failed. 

I moved closer, my steps unsure and clumsy. “You never said anything.”

My hand rested against his chest, and I could feel the familiar pounding of his heart. 

“That’s nothing new.” He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.

That did little to ease the emotional storm brewing within me. Every interaction since he was little was nothing short of violent and negligent. 

He wasn’t used to softness and kindness. We were trying to navigate in uncharted waters but we’re thrown off the boat every time the water got choppy. 

“We can go. Let’s just go, baby. Let me just say bye to my parents-“

“Stop.” He demanded, his tone serve. So unlike JJ. 

I dropped my hand and instead chose to focus on the sound of our breathing. I had to keep my head on straight, because I could tell he was already building up his wall so high, making his fortress impenetrable. 

JJ had never had a consistent thing in his life and I’ll be damned if I let that happen to us. 

Squaring my shoulders back, I faced his heated gaze head on. If he wanted an argument, he’d get one, but we’d both be leaving together. 

I had no intention of going anywhere. 

“Stop?” I echoed, raising my brow.

His eyes were as cold and hard as obsidian. “Yes, stop. How is leaving going to solve any of this?” 

“You’re picking a fight with me for no reason. I’m not the one you’re mad at.”

JJ raked his fingers through the sun bleached golden strands causing them to fall along his forehead. “Maybe I am.”

My eyes widened at his words. What had I done? He’d shared every bit of his world with me and I only wanted to do the same. 

Was that not what people do when they’re in love? Aren’t you supposed to share your interests with your partner and aren’t they supposed to want to know them? 

“For what?” 

He tugged at his shirt collar. “Why am I here?”

My brows furrowed in confusion. Why would he even ask that? 

“Why am I here, at this Midsummer's bullshit?” 

“Because I wanted you to be.” I smoothed out my hair to give my trembling hands something to do. “It’s something that matters to me, it’s not bullshit.”

I had spent months planning this party since my parents were on the board. I wanted everything to be perfect for them and for him. It all seemed silly now. A part of that stung deep in my soul. Bullshit was never a word I used to describe any of the interests he showed me, yet he so easily spouted it at me.

JJ stayed quiet but continued to fidget with the silver ring on his finger. I wanted to close the distance between us but didn’t know how. 

“Don’t let Rafe of all people ruin this. His opinion means nothing.” 

He lifted his chin. “It matters to your dad.”

I barely held back my wince. “He doesn’t get a say in who I date, JJ.”

“Oh, are we lying to each other now?”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Are we going to pretend that you don’t care about what your parents think?”

I took a step back as though he hit me. “Stop talking before you say something you’ll regret.”

“Everything you do is to get their attention. You’d die without their approval.”

In a manner of speaking, he was right. My parents barely paid me an ounce of attention and it was hard not to think it had to do with me. There must have been something wrong with me for my parents to not want to spend time with me. I spent the majority of my life trying to live up to their expectations hoping to be the daughter they always wanted, but nothing worked. I couldn’t get them to love me.

And he threw it all in my face.

I stared at him with tears in my eyes, hurt and stricken. 

At the sight of my tears, he looked away with his jaw clenched. 

“Why are you with me?” He hissed, holding out his arms. “It’s not like I can take you to dinner in Paris or buy you the clothes you like so much.”

Insecurity was a cruel thing. It had the power to turn someone as confident and sure as JJ into a puddle of irate nerves. And as his insecurity continued to dig its hooks further into his skin, he continued to rip into me, piece by piece.

“Because I love you. Because you make me laugh.” My voice raised, my hands clenched into fists by my sides. “Where is this coming from?”

Anxiety wound its way up my throat clocking off my air. 

“You’re fucking shoes are four grand. Do you know what I could do with four grand? I could get the power turned on in my house, or better yet, pay for the house.” The look he shot me had me wanting to be six feet under. He’d never looked at me like that before. He made me sound vapid and superficial. Like I didn’t spend most of my time on his side of the island. 

The guilt I felt early came back tenfold. Guilt for my position. Guilt for the money my family had. Guilt for the things I enjoyed buying, both for him and myself. 

Maybe I was just as bad as Rafe. 

Pain sliced my chest as his gaze continued to penetrate me like bullets.

“The other side of the island is starving and everyone here is drinking champagne and gambling a mortgage for fun. It’s disgusting.” JJ began to pace, shaking his head in disbelief. “You had me kissing ass to all these people, and for what? A job? Stop trying to turn me into something that I’m not.”

I wrapped my arms around my waist. “That wasn’t what I was doing. I was trying to open doors for you so you had options. All I wanted was to help give you a fighting chance.”

“I didn’t ask for your help.” The words continued to pelt at me, hitting my heart every time. The pressure in my chest only tightened further.

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for the person you love?” My voice shook, matching the trembling of my body. “It never mattered before.”

I'd never been in love before him. I didn't have anything to compare it too since the most affection I get from my parents is a card on my birthday. I thought by doing everything they didn't do for me, supporting and comforting and physical touch, would somehow translate into love.

“Of course it mattered. You’re a fucking Kook.” The raw and angry words seeped into my veins, the audible crack of my heart echoing for all to hear.

My throat constricted. Enough, I couldn’t hear anymore. No, no, no. But JJ seemed to have other plans.

“I mean, I’m standing here in a custom Tom Ford whatever that could have fed me for months. I’m out of my element and it makes my skin fucking crawl. John B is getting sent to CPS and Pope is getting jumped and I’m here at some stupid dinner with the people that did it to him. What does that make me?”

My chest cracked open and my heart caved in. I finally saw the broken boy in front of me. Bruised and broken, completely uncomfortable and unsure of himself. 

“Kiara’s a kook.”

“Kiara’s different and you know that.” It remained unsaid but I knew what he was referring to. Kie was a hippie rich chick who didn’t enjoy all the things I did: designer clothes, luxury dinners, expensive food. In other words, I was a self absorbed kook princess that didn’t care for those around me. 

It didn’t matter that I spent most of the summer with JJ helping him fix homes in the cut. It didn’t matter that I donated to charities or helped send care kits to those on the cut after the hurricane. It didn’t matter that I spent almost all my free time with him and the pogues just as Kiara did. 

To him, I represented everything he hated. It didn’t matter that I loved him so deeply I defied my parents. It didn’t matter that I upended my life and chose to be with him. He could never see past the money, something I had no control over.  

I may have been standing in custom Christian Dior and Jimmy Choo, but I’ve never felt more cheap as JJ continued to cut me down with each word. 

“Do you want me to apologize?” My pulse spiked as a burst of adrenaline had me spouting the truth. “I had just as much a choice of being born on figure eight than you did on the cut.”

He looked at me like he hated me. “I don’t know how we deluded ourselves into thinking this could ever work.”

“You don’t get to stand there and make me feel guilty for who I am. Just because I have money and like nice things, doesn’t make me an asshole. I’ve treated everyone in my life with kindness. Don't group me with them.” 

JJ scoffs, pointing at the crowd on the dance floor. “Them? Them--means your parents, baby”.

“I’ve never treated you less than me.” It was a last ditch effort.

“At least I know what Kook pussy tastes like.” He went for the kill. “Money and daddy issues.”

I stilled. The world stilled. Vicious hurt curled its way into my soul, etching every bit of it until I no longer existed. 

Like I said before, I had no intention of going anywhere. But, I guess to JJ, he always had one foot out the door.

I think I stopped breathing. I blinked at him, hoping cameras would pop out and the whole thing came out as a prank. But, no cameras appeared. 

Just him and I stood, in a field, an arms length apart but a universe away. 

“You don’t mean that.” The words came out strangled. “Take it back.” 

He said nothing. I had to bring a fist to my mouth to try and block out the harsh sob that threatened to escape.

“JJ, please.” I begged, my hands catching his arm. “Let’s just go.”

His normal vibrant eyes regard me coldly, a muscle jumping his jaw. I was drowning in my emotions. Everything had escalated to a level I couldn’t fix, because he wouldn’t let me. The bathroom seemed forever ago in the scheme of things. I can see the battle in his eyes of whether to give into his self destructive behavior or to come back to me. 

Any hope I had of him coming back to me dissolved in a matter of seconds. A security guard came up behind him, gripping JJ by the forearm and tugging us towards the front of the party. My eyes widened in horror as I realized they were going to parade him around in front of everyone which would just humiliate him more.

“Jeez Daryl, could you loosen up your grip,” JJ complained, attempting to jerk out of the large man’s grip. He didn’t so much as flinch at each of JJ’s gripes either.

"What do you think you're doing?" I snapped, "Let him go, Darryl."

Darryl shook his head and gave me an apologetic look. "No can do. Mr. Cameron complained."

JJ Scoffed. “I can let myself out. I have two legs.”

“JJ, please stop.”

“I appreciate the discretion, Daryl.”

He self-destructed right in front of me. JJ grabbed a drink off an unsuspecting member and chugged it down before tossing the glass on the floor.

In the end, JJ was always going to be JJ. I saw the moment he decided to destroy everything we had. It was a slight shift in his body and that penetrating gaze of his hardened into a cruel amusement. JJ shrugged my hand off his, before his eyes flitter across the crowd as though he's looking for someone. Then I watched as they landed on a familiar brunette. 

“Hey, let him go. I’m a member of this club and I invited him.” Kie shouted at Darryl who paused for a brief moment. I could see her parents trying to discreetly get her to stop but Kiara refused. At the sound of her words, an appreciative grin tugged at JJ’s lips.

It didn’t matter that I had said the same thing hours ago. It didn’t matter that I not only defended him but made him a member. I liked shiny flashy things and she didn’t. Apparently, that made her better than me.

“Mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie.” He shouted, pointing at where she stood in front of her parent’s. “Pope, you as well, alright?”

I had a disposition for loving people too much, no matter how they treated me. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t care that I wasn’t presentable. I didn’t care that tears were falling down my face or that my hair was a mess. I didn’t want to be left behind. He promised.

“Let me come-”

Exasperation filled his features. "Take a fucking hint. You can go be with someone like Rafe now. You two deserve each other."

“Alright, Kie c’mon.” He didn’t spare me a second glance. I had to watch as Kie took off running towards him with Pope in tow. JJ held out his arms to catch her, arms she happily jumped into. John B lets out a humored shout while JJ spins Kiara around and they take off.

Leaving me all by myself. My parents nowhere in sight. 

And suddenly everything hit me at once. My dress was too tight, my heels were pinching at the skin on my feet, the music was too loud, my hair was a mess. Nothing I did was right. Once again, I was left alone. Abandoned by the one person I thought would never leave. All because I loved him too much and he hated everything I couldn’t control.

I stood there, feeling like a silly little girl in a silly little dress I spent hours looking for, urging him to look back. He never did. 

Authors note: I hope I hurt your feelings because I hurt my own writing this :) pls let me know what u think!!! I love hearing from you guys

Tagging my favs: @maybankslover @sipsthecoffee @alyisdead

[fandomxpreferences]

Now Your Mess Is Mine

Masterlist

Pairing: JJ Maybank x female!reader (both over 18)

TW:angst, mentions of abuse, fluff, I think thats it

Summary: In which JJ is touch starved and you take care of him.

Word Count:2.7k

A/N: this was supposed to be short and fluffy but as per usual, it took on a life of its own

JJ doesn't have a lot of things going for him in life as far as he's concerned. He's practically an orphan, he gets fired from every job, and he never has more than twenty dollars to his name. He hasn't done a lot right in his life, but the best decision he's ever made is choosing you. 

He's never felt a touch or a love as gentle as yours. Hell, for the first seventeen years of his life, he doesn't recall feeling anything but a fist. Then you came along, bright as the sun and radiating the most beautiful and intoxicating energy he's ever felt. 

You're always gentle with him, soft hands grazing his body whenever you get a chance. JJ didn't know that he craved physical affection until he felt your small supple hand in his large calloused one. 

He had no idea he loved cuddling until he was surrounded by you as you wrapped around him like a koala, an aroma of tanning lotion and saltwater overwhelming his senses.

He would've never imagined himself the type to take lavender-scented baths until you pulled him into the bubbles with a bright smile, giving him a beard as your loud giggles seeped into his soul and lit him up from the inside out.

Everything about you is pure and wholesome. Light radiates from you, casting away any semblance of darkness that once cast itself over him. You make him a better man, your face popping into his head before he makes a decision. 

He wants to make you proud, to honor and respect you. He wants to be someone you can call yours loudly, shouting it from the rooftops with no shame. He doesn't understand how or why you love him, but he chalks it up to you being some sort of angel.

The rest of the Pogues used to make fun of you two, but they've come to appreciate the way you even JJ out. The two of you are never more than a few feet apart, your bodies always touching in some capacity. 

It makes him feel safe and peaceful. It's the only thing he can think about as he lays on the HMS Pogue with you between his legs and his closest friends laughing around him.

JJ's eyes flutter closed as your nails rake across his scalp and he revels in the sun's rays as they warm his tan skin. He finds himself drifting off when your bubbly laughter floats to his ears and your belly shakes his head as it rests against you. 

It causes a large smile to split his face and he shifts to look up at you. There's nothing but pure child-like joy on your features with your head thrown back, your mouth open and the corner of your eyes creased. 

It's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and he presses a kiss to your hip bone while squeezing your calf lovingly. It draws your attention back to him and you look down at him with a bright smile. 

"Hi." He whispers and you lean down to kiss the tip of his nose. 

"Hi, handsome." 

You hear Sarah say aww while John B gags dramatically and lift your hand to flip him off. 

"Are you having fun?" You ask and JJ nods with a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

You squint down at him and before you can ask what he's about to do, he's jumping to his feet and scooping you up in his arms. You let out a loud squeal and flail around as your laughter echoes off the water. 

"JJ Maybank don't you dare!" You shriek through loud giggles, but it's too late. 

His feet are already leaving the side of the boat and the two of you plunge into the ocean. You kick your legs as you resurface, wiping at your face and hair while JJ grins like a little boy. 

It's only a matter of seconds before you hear a chorus of splashes and the rest of the group joins in. Before you can blink, there's an all-out splash fight, the six of you laughing and having the time of your lives. 

You're just dodging an attack from John B when you feel strong arms wrap around your waist and JJ takes the brunt of the water being sent your way. 

You turn and wrap your legs around his waist, your arms moving up to hug around his neck. 

"What are you doing, mister?" You ask with a quirked eyebrow and he leans in to give you a sweet kiss. 

"I was starting to have withdrawals, baby. You know I can't go more than a few minutes without feeling you." 

You almost laugh, but the sentiment goes straight to your heart and your features soften. 

"I love you." 

He nuzzles his head into your neck, hugging you tightly against his chest, and places a kiss on your collarbone. 

"I love you too." 

That night as everyone is sitting around a bonfire, you feel worry start to itch at you. JJ went home to get some things, but it's been almost three hours. 

You know better than anyone what his home life looks like, he's collapsed into your arms weeping more times than you can count. 

There's an unsettling feeling in your gut screaming that something is wrong, and with each second that passes it only gets louder. JJ never goes home for longer than necessary, and he promised he'd be quick. 

You're just about to get in your car and go look for him when you hear the rumbling of his dirt bike as he screeches to a halt. The group shares a confused look and you rise to your feet, ready to be near your boyfriend again. 

You stop cold in your tracks when he kicks the bike over, anger clearly clouding his usual light-hearted personality. JJ is like a golden retriever and loyal to a fault, so when he's like this it sends everybody reeling. 

You watch as he knocks over a few more things in a fit of rage before storming inside and you decide to follow. You can hear footsteps behind you and turn to shake your head, instructing your friends to let you handle it.

Your steps are light as your feet carry you up the steps and into the bathroom where you hear the shower running. You open the door as gently as possible, JJ's back greeting you as he stares into the mirror with tears streaming. 

"Hey, sweet boy. You okay?" Your voice is soft as you ask the question you already know the answer to and it sends a pang of hurt through his chest. He hates when you see him like this, weak and vulnerable. 

He wants to be the strong one, your rock, yet more often than not the roles get reversed. You watch him silently, allowing him space to open up if wants to. 

He doesn't say anything as his head drops and you already know what happened. You step into the room fully and close the door behind you, moving tentatively in his direction as if he'll shatter if you move any faster. 

"Let's take a shower, okay?" 

You're so gentle and kind as you say it, and it causes fresh hot tears to gather on his lash line. You know that JJ is touch starved on a good day, but moments like these are when he really needs you. 

You can almost read his mind, aware that he's fighting the urge to put up his walls and shut you out. 

He doesn't want to though. He wants you, he wants your sweet touches and quiet whispers as you take care of him. 

He feels selfish, but he's well aware that while you're fragile as a butterfly around him, you have zero qualms about tearing through his armor like a knife through butter. 

Your touch is featherlight as your hands work diligently to remove his jewelry. You start with his bracelets, carefully slipping them off his wrists before moving on. 

Next, you work on his rings, delicately pulling them off and kissing the pad of each finger when you're done. 

You finally get to his necklace, your breath tickling the back of his neck as you focus on unclasping it and setting it on the countertop. 

He watches in the mirror as you work, feeling an inescapable amount of love weighing down his heart and mind in the best way. 

You slowly turn him around to face you, your eyes meeting his to ask for permission as your hands fiddle with the hem of his shirt. 

He hesitates before nodding, his eyes squeezing shut and lungs stopping as you glide it up his torso and over his head.

He can't stand to open them and see the look on your face. It's not that he thinks you'll be giving him a sympathetic expression, no it's not that. 

It's that he knows you'll have an understanding look, completely devoid of any surprise. He hates it. He hates that you're so familiar with this that it doesn't even elicit a normal reaction anymore. 

The first time it happened, you gasped and tried to conceal the tears that welled up at the sight. The second and third times you still seemed somewhat shocked, but by six months in you were desensitized. 

Though Luke has never hurt you directly, he hurts you every time he sends JJ back to you in this state and he hates his father for it. Hates him for it more than he does for hitting him, for stealing from him, for neglecting him. 

He shudders as your fingers ghost over the fresh bruises on his stomach and ribs, the contact leaving electricity buzzing right under the surface. 

"Oh, JJ. Baby, I'm so sorry." 

Your voice is barely above a whisper and he chokes down a sob. He despises everything about this. 

He wants to throw up whenever you apologize as if any of this is your fault. As if you're not the one thing that single-handedly makes it better. 

He keeps his eyes shut as your lips press delicate kisses to each mark. They're still fresh; swollen but not quite darkened. 

You can see the faint beginnings of bruising, and you know the dark hues of black and purple will spread in the days to come. 

You make a mental note to ice the injuries before continuing on with getting him undressed. 

You're methodical as you go through the motions, stripping him down to nothing before removing your own clothing as well. 

He steps into the water first, and you take his outstretched hand to keep your balance as you follow suit. 

It's silent as the water washes over the two of you, no words need to be said. There's an unspoken understanding for times like this, and you do what you do best. 

You shower him in love and affection, gently washing his body before lathering shampoo in his blonde hair. 

You see the tension dissolve from his body when his shoulders drop as you massage his head, and take your time. You know he needs this. 

You press sporadic kisses to his skin as you follow his routine, and he melts into you. Your lips press right between his shoulder blades, then the back of his neck, then his cheek as he turns to wrap you in his arms. 

He returns the favor, washing you up lovingly and letting you rinse off. You reach to turn off the water like usual, but stop when his hand catches your wrist. 

You turn back to look up at him and your heart shatters at the sight of his bloodshot eyes. 

"Do you think I'm like him? Do you think if I have kids one day I'll treat them the way he treats me?" 

His voice is so meek, and your heart squeezes painfully. This is new. 

Usually, you spend the night drowning him in your presence and the next day, it's like nothing happened. He's never actually opened up about it, and you're taken aback. 

You study his face for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond. Your hands reach up to cup his face and you force him to look you in the eyes. 

"JJ, you are nothing like Luke and you never will be. You love your friends, and you've shown time and time again that you'll do anything for them. You love me in a way I never thought possible. You are the best person I have ever known, and I don't ever want to hear you speak about yourself like that again." 

Your voice is kind but firm, and he sucks in a breath as you continue. 

"If you have kids, they will be the luckiest little shits to ever walk the earth. I know how much love you have to give, and if how you treat me is any indication, your kids would be so loved they wouldn't even know what to do." 

You finish with a searing kiss and when you pull away, his eyes are still shut in bliss. His fingers are digging into your hips, and he loosens up just enough to let you shut off the now-cold water and open the shower curtain. 

"Let's get dried off and go to bed, okay?" You suggest and he doesn't answer, instead just following you into the cold air. 

The two of you dry off and throw on the change of clothes that are now sitting on the counter. 

You assume Sarah or Kie put them there, and remind yourself to thank them later. Once you're dressed, JJ makes his way to the guest room and you shuffle into the kitchen. 

You start rummaging through the freezer to find something you can use as a compress, your hands finally landing on some frozen peas. When you shut the door, John B and Sarah are watching you with sad eyes. 

You give them a small smile and John B nods knowingly. You turn to leave when the man's voice rings out. 

"Hey, thank you." He says and you look at him with nothing short of confusion. 

He recognizes this and takes a step forward. 

"I overheard a bit when I put the clothes in there. You're really good for him, and I just want you to know how much I- we- appreciate you being there for him. He's been better since he met you." 

You swallow thickly and give him a quick hug, muttering a short 'thanks'. You know he knows what you're thanking him for. Partly for the clothes, but mostly for the kind words. 

He squeezes you back and you pull away, heading off to tend to your sweet boyfriend. When you step into the room he's leaning back against the headboard, his eyes fixated on the small tv that's playing some football game. 

His gaze darts to you when he notices you and he gives a heart-stopping smile. You crawl up next to him and place the cold bag on the spot that looks the worst. 

Your pressure is light and that's another thing that eats at him. 

The fact that icing his battered body is second nature to you now makes him ill, but he still lets you do it. Part of him wonders if he should have hidden this side of his life from you, sheltered you from the grim reality. 

A bigger part of him is glad he didn't. He went through this alone for so long and it's nice to have someone that loves him just the same, even after finding out the ugly truth.

He doesn't shy away from the sensation and it breaks your heart all over again. 

You're painfully aware that it's because he's used to this, and you want nothing more than to take him away from all this and give him the life he so deserves. 

The two of you just lay there for a while as you take care of him and he absentmindedly runs his hand through your hair. 

When the bag starts to get warm, you settle down under the comforter, and JJ curls into you. His head rests on your chest and he lets the steady beat of your heart lull him to sleep. 

"I love you." You whisper and JJ tangles his legs with yours. 

"I love you too."

[sugarcoatedstarkey]

Tear stained pillow case

Pairings- Drew Starkey x Fem!reader

Summary- reader is in a long distance relationship with Drew and the constant shipping of him with his cast mate (Odessa) and hate get to her.

Warnings- Angst, yelling, swearing, a smidge of domestic abuse, cheating.

A/n: to the anon who requested a sad Drew fic, I’m sorry this isn’t the best. I hope I kind of got what you were looking for but I need to work on my angst! Please send me a message when you read this xxx

“YOU, you can’t keep going on like this?!” You shouted; anger bled through your veins. You felt sick, the bile rising in your throat. “You’ve got to be fucking joking me!”.

The nerve of your boyfriend, he spends months away from home. Spends every waking minute with his co-star Odessa, he kisses his co-star off screen and he’s the one who can’t keep going on?!

“Yes Y/N” Drew begins to argue, you cut him off by throwing his pillow at him. He doesn't even flinch, his face screwed up in anger. “No Drew, I’m not fucking done” you yell, you look crazy.

You look like the crazy jealous girlfriend his fans had painted you out to be, and you had every right to be.

“You don’t get to put this shit on me Drew, YOU KISSED HER!”.

-Previously-

You couldn’t take it anymore; his face was all over your FYP. You were stupid enough to create a TikTok account, scrolling endlessly and searching the tags for your boyfriend Drew.

You knew what you would see, thirst traps and edits of him and his cast mate Odessa. Edits of the sex scenes they had to film, everyone shipping them together. You were trying to make yourself hurt, you sat there reading the comments. Reading the hateful things they said about you, the words cutting you like tiny knives.

Ugly

Not good enough for Drew

She’s not even famous

Fat

You were ugly crying at this point, unsure why you put yourself through the pain day in day out. Drew had told you a handful of times not to go searching for these things, to pretend like the fans didn’t exist.

But how could he expect you to pretend? He was famous and there was no hiding it. He had been away for 3 months now; you had a routine of face timing every night around 6pm, but tonight was different. He had an event. An event with Odessa.

“GOD Y/N! What are you doing?!” You shouted, staring up at the ceiling. You roughly rubbed your face, your mascara smearing under your eyes. The tears didn’t stop falling down your cheeks. “STOP!” You ordered yourself, but it only made it worse.

Hyperventilating at this stage, gripping the blankets under you. Pressing your face into the white pillowcase, you were pathetic. A pathetic mess. You were so glad Drew was 12 hours away, there was no chance he’d walk through the doors and see you right now.

You hated that you were being so jealous, you knew he loved you. He adored you. Whenever someone tries to hint at him and Odessa in interviews, he always mentions you, you’re all over his Instagram.

You had never met Odessa; you never had the opportunity to. You did think that meeting her might make you feel less jealous, seeing how they act together in person and not from stupid TikTok clips that were edited purely to make people think they were together.

Your phone ringing cuts your crying short, you sit up quickly and reached for your phone. Seeing his face flash on the screen had you nervous, your skin clammy and heart racing.

You wiped away as much mascara as possible and dimmed the bedside lamp, pressing answer on the screen. His smile appearing on your screen moments later, he was in dark room with a small yellow overhead light.

“Hi baby” he grinned; you could see the glimmer in his eyes. You wanted to burst out crying again but instead you dig your fingernails in your thigh and gave him a fake smile. “Hey baby” you whispered, worried your voice would be husky from all the screaming and crying.

“Why is it so dark?” He questioned, his eyes darting around the screen as though he was trying to look over your shoulder. You shrugged and moved to lay on your stomach. “Going to bed early” your voice cracked, and you quickly hid it behind a cough, you could see a shift in his face.

“What’s wrong babe?” He questions, his eyebrows crease together. He looks over his phone for a second and mouths ‘hold on’ and his eyes dart back to you on the screen. “Nothing, I’m okay. You need to go babe, we can talk later” you smile, brushing him off, you wanted to go back to your sob fess.

“Your lying” he states, his features have hardened. You know he doesn’t like it when you keep things from him, he likes you to be open about your feelings. But right now, you didn’t have the energy to discuss why you were spending your Saturday night crying in bed at 6pm.

“Babe, we can talk about it when your home” “No, tell me now”

“Drew!” His eyes dart over his phone again and he lets out an exasperated sigh, he runs his hand over his face and squeezes the bridge of him nose.

It’s as though you can see the tension building in his shoulder blades, you so badly wanted to be there to offer him comfort. You wanted to be the one to rub his shoulders and whisper ‘you got this’

“Okay, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you tomorrow”.

He ends the call without an I love you, that just sets you off again and you spend the next 2 hours crying your eyes out until you pass out against his pillow.

—-

When you awaken the next morning, you’ve rolled over onto Drew’s side of the bed. Squeezing his pillow tightly against your body. Breathing in his scent that barely lingered anymore.

“Such a loser” you mumble to yourself; you reach for your phone that’s hidden under the blankets.

No notifications

You let out a defeated sigh and make yourself get ready for the day; you had planned to clean the apartment. Drew would be home in a few days, and you wanted him to come home to some normality.

And that’s exactly how you spent your Sunday, cleaning and staying off your phone. It was much harder to do the latter, you were itching to call Drew.

You usually sent texts back and forth every day, sent a couple of pics and just tried not to go crazy without one another. You had hoped listening to music and keeping you busy would stop the incessant thoughts that were flying around your head.

But you found yourself battling with your thoughts more than listening to the music. By the time nightfall came you had scrubbed every corner of the apartment. You had lit a candle in the living room and taken a seat when your phone lit up, the music travelling through the empty room.

You answer, plastering a smile on your face. He gives you a soft smile, he’s dressed in a green button up. The button up you had brought him for his birthday, you loved that colour oh him.

“Hey babe” you both say at the same time, letting out a chuckle at the two of you being awkward around each other. “How are you?” You ask, eyes flickering around the screen.

You can’t see much from where he is sat, you can hear voices and assume he’s just got back from the poguelandia event. You don’t even realise he hasn’t answered, too focused on who’s voice you can hear so close to the phone.

That’s when you look back at him, he’s not even looking at the phone. He’s looking over it again, mourning something and rolling his eyes.

“Why are you acting strange?”

“I’m not?”

“Okay.. why do you keep looking over the phone?”

“Oh, just watching something”

I’m that moment you knew something was going on, Drew always gave you his undivided attention even when he was mad. You didn’t like this, it made you feel sick again.

You were so sick of feeling unwell and anxious. “I’m going to bed”

Drew nods his head and finally looks at you, you press the end call button. You didn’t want to look at his face, you didn’t want to hear his voice. You wouldn’t be able to handle not hearing I love you back. It was easier this way.

You don’t know why you do it, but you don’t go to bed. Instead, you go searching on tiktok again. And that’s where you see it, the videos from poguelandia.

How close he and Odessa are, the way she dances with him. The whispering, the walking close together. You knew it, you just needed confirmation. He liked her, he didn’t want to be with you anymore and that’s why he’s distancing himself.

The tears don’t come though, your body seems to go into denial. Your stomach still unsettled, and your mouth feels dry but you place your phone on the counter and stare at the wall.

- 2 days dater -

“Hey, babe” you’re aroused from sleep, somebody shaking your arms. You jump, gripping the blankets around your chest. “Oh, it’s you”.

“Don’t seem so happy to see me?”

You don’t answer him, instead you stare at him. He takes a seat at the edge of the bed; he smells like the cologne you had brought him for his birthday.

He showered and is dressed in jeans and an oversized white shirt, hair a little messy since he’s growing it out for a project. “I missed you” Drew smiles, it’s a fake smile. You can tell them apart now.

He moves to give you a kiss, but you press your palm to his shoulder, giving your head a small shake.

You’re not dressed for an argument, so you pull yourself to stand and grab an oversized shirt. Not really sure if it’s one of yours or Drew’s but it really didn’t matter at the time.

“What’s wrong babe?” He questions, pulling himself to stand. He towers over you, making you feel small. The tough exterior you had been working on, crumbling slowly.

“Stop calling me babe... just, tell me the truth Drew”.

You don’t even need to clarify what you’re talking about; he runs a palm down his face. He begins to pace the bedroom floor; you had hoped he would deny it.

“I knew it”.

“It was a kiss” Drew states, your heart breaks. You feel as though you can physically hear the cracking of your heart, the bile rises in your throat and the tears pierce your tear ducts begging to be released.

“W-what?” You whisper, your voice wobbles. Your hands shaking as you move to hold yourself against the desk chair. You needed stability or you’d fall to your knees.

“I kissed Odessa, the night of poguelandia”

Your nails carve deep crescent moons into the wooden chair, your chest rising and falling heavier as you try to calm yourself down.

You can’t let yourself fall apart in front of him, he didn’t deserve to see you crumble.

“What the fuck Drew?” You yell, but your voice cracks and you slam your palm over your mouth to stop the hysterics from starting.

Turning your body so you’re not looking at him as the tears cascade down the apples of your cheeks, biting harshly on the skin of your lip. The familiar metallic taste fill your senses.

“It meant nothing”

“FUCK OFF with it meant nothing, why did you do it then?!”

This just seems to set him off, igniting something inside of him that he’s been holding onto for a long time. He’s stepping towards you and you’re taking steps back.

You’re back meeting the wall as he towers over you once more, making you feel smaller than you were. “Because Y/N, you’ve been acting weird. You’ve been distant and quiet; you’ve been making me feel bad for having a career”.

His voice is low and threatening, his hand hits at the wall behind you. You push on his chest, making him stumble back slightly.

“No Drew, I would NEVER make you feel bad for your career choice. However, I would distance myself so that I wasn’t sitting at home crying over you every night, missing you. Wishing I was with you, do you know how hard it is for me?!” You cry, you poke at his chest with your pointer finger. His larger hand grabbing yours to stop you from doing it.

You fight against him until he drops your hand, and you step away from him, your cheeks burnt red with frustration.

“How hard you’ve got it? What about me Y/N? Why is it always about you? I’m the one having to leave, do you know how hard that is on me?”

You shake your head, of course he was turning this all back around to the two of your issues. Acting as though kissing Odessa was okay, that it was just something he needed to do to forget about the issue at home.

“Don’t, don’t bring up all this. You kissed another woman; this is on you. Yea we have problems, every couple does. Yeah, we all have it hard, doesn’t make it okay for you to kiss your co-star” you shout.

You grab your phone; you don’t know why you want to add fuel to the fire. You’re on tiktok before you can rationalise with your brain, the second you’re on the app. The videos are there waiting.

“You see the shit that I have to deal with, go on, watch it”.

You throw the phone across the bed, his eyes falling to the screen of the iPhone. The video loops over the two of them dancing and whispering at the event, you can see him swallow harshly.

“This is a fan editing videos- “Drew begins to argue, and you let out a grunt of frustration, running your hands through your messy bed head.

“I can’t keep going on like this”

“YOU, you can’t keep going on like this?!” You shouted; anger bled through your veins. You felt sick, the bile rising in your throat. “You’ve got to be fucking joking me!”.

The nerve of your boyfriend, he spends months away from home. Spends every waking minute with his co-star Odessa, he kisses his co-star off screen and he’s the one who can’t keep going on?!

“Yes Y/N” Drew begins to argue, you cut him off by throwing his pillow at him. He doesn't even flinch, his face screwed up in anger. “No Drew, I’m not fucking done” you yell, you look crazy.

You knew you looked like the crazy jealous girlfriend his fans had painted you out to be, and you had every right to be. Your boyfriend of three years had kissed someone who wasn’t you and it wasn’t for a movie.

“You don’t get to put this shit on me Drew, YOU KISSED HER!” You cry, you can’t stop the tears now. You’re hyperventilating again, pressing the palms of your hands into your eyes.

He’s stepping around the bed and pulling you against his chest, you want to fight against him. You want to tell him to get out of the apartment.

But you also want to beg him to stay, beg him to stop seeing Odessa. Beg him to start fresh with you, move on and be happy.

“This is the end, isn’t it?” He questions, you pull away from him slightly. Mascara pooling in your lower lashes, you probably should have washed that off before you went to bed.

“It has to be” you breath, tears begin to fall from his own eyes. This only makes you hysterical, sobbing into his chest as he holds you tighter. You don’t even want him to let go.

“I’ll always love you Y/N, I’ll always think about you when I walk past a bookstore or see those fancy chocolate donuts in the bakery down town” he whispers, his lips are pressed against your hair. His grip is tight around your body, he doesn’t want to let go either.

“I was lucky enough to love you, I’ll always remember that” You whisper, tears fall harder as you look at one another.

“Oh.. if we are doing the right thing, why does it hurt so much?”

“I don’t know”

His thumb wipes away the tears on your cheek, pressing his forehead to yours. You let him kiss you one last time. His lips are soft, and they feel like they always do, they were made for you.

“I should go... I’m so sorry Y/N, truly so sorry”.

You watch him leave, you wait for the front door to close and that’s when you let yourself fall. Knees meeting the hardwood floor, the draft from under the bedroom door kiss your toes. You let out a gut-wrenching sob, praying he would come back and fight.

Taglist- @novxturient @kookypogue111

Part 2

[sunraies]

hey hun, could you writes a fluff with rafe where you’ve had an argument with a friend and he comforts you x

Of course! I hope this is ok. I think I ran with the argument more than the comfort, but I hope Rafe gives enough. If you need more Rafe and less plot, please let me know x

Tear-stained Cheeks

Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader

Warnings - Fluff and angst. Reader has the nickname, Bug.

After an argument with Sarah, that is so big it could be friendship breaking. You find comfort and shoulder to cry on, in Rafe.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

It started over a pair of shoes Sarah had borrowed. It wasn't even about the shoes, but it spiralled as quickly as it started, and soon, you were hurling the most spiteful things at each other.

Using your years of friendship and deepest insecurities to hit each other were you knew it would hurt.

Ever since she started dating John B, your friendship slowly started to fray. It wasn't like you had experienced in with her past relationships, she throw herself completely into them, and you were always there to pick up the pieces.

This time, you weren't prepared to be a broken piece.

That's how you ended up pushing your bike down the long drive of Tanneyhill. Shoes in the basket and tears threatening to spill. You breathed in through your nose, desperately trying not to break before you were away from a place you used to see as a second home.

You focused on the warmth of the sun on your face, the sound of the bike wheels spinning, anything to stop yourself spiralling.

"Hey!" You closed your eyes at the sound of his voice as his truck pulled up beside you. "Where you going, Bug?"

Of course, Rafe came home at that exact moment. The teasing tone of his voice, you couldn't deal with. Bug was something he'd always called you. It was meant to be an insult when you were children, and it just stuck.

You didn't respond and kept walking, causing him to frown. Normally you’d have some sassy remark or a come back to make him smile.

Rafe was just as much a part of your life as Sarah was. The annoying but unfairly gorgeous best friend's older brother. Your relationship was built on teasing, hating, and loving each other. As you grow, so did new feelings, and a few stolen kisses had been shared through the years, but nothing ever came of them.

"Bug?" His voice sounded more concerned.

You sniffed and straight your back, hoping your voice wouldn't break when you finally spoke to him.

"I'm going home." You had no such luck as your voice cracked.

"With your parents away? Weren't you staying here?"

"Well, plans change. Maybe I could throw a massive party. Who knows?" The only party you actually planned was a pity party for one, with your bed.

Rafe actually laughed. "You having a house party? Never thought I'd see that day." He tilted his head, looking you up and down. "Was it Sarah's idea?"

Of course, he would think Sarah was the one who would make you have a party in your parents' artefact filled house. They were both archaeologists. The funny part was that before the argument, she had been suggesting it. A pogue and kook party in your parents' manor style home.

Her name pierced your heart, and all you could do was shake your head as the tears that had been threatening to finally fall.

"Hey, whoa whoa whoa." Rafe quickly stumbled out of the truck, leaving the engine running and door wide open.

He gently took your face in his hands as your nose wrinkled, a tiny sob heaved from your chest. You dropped your bike on the grass as you held onto his wrists. Everything suddenly came crushing down. The weight of every hurtful word feeling like a brick on your chest.

His thumbs brushed the tears away as they kept falling. "Breathe for me, baby." He got you to copy his steady breaths as his blue, concerned, filled eyes searched your face.

Rafe checked quickly for any physical injury before pulling you into his chest. You could hear his heart beating just as rapidly as yours as his arms circled your shoulders and hands cradled your head. Calming shushes uttered from his lips as your sobs turned to slient hiccups.

"Can you tell me what happened?" He needed to know who the fuck made you cry and who to kill.

"Sarah," you sighed into his chest, your tears having soaked his shirt.

"Sarah's a bitch" He said without missing a beat.

"Then I'm a bitch too. We both said some pretty fucked up things" You still clung to the back of his shirt as you muttered.

"You can be," He admitted, but his tone was completely teasing. "The difference is, I like you"

You laughed, unable to help it as you let go, pulling back after he placed a kiss on your head. You wiped your eyes roughly and rubbed your nose with the back of your hand as you sniffed. "I'm sorry about the shirt"

He pulled it out to look at the watermark you left behind and shrugged before looking back at you, "Even with tear-stained cheeks and snort, your beautiful"

"Shut up." you hit his shoulder but still smiled at him as he held your hand in place.

Sarah appeared in the doorway. "Can we talk?" She asked. You turned to look at her as Rafe threw a protective arm over your shoulders.

Your smile immediately dropped, and Rafe shot Sarah a look so deadly that if looks could kill, she'd be laying stone cold right there.

"Not right now, Sarah." Rafe called over to her. "I'm taking Bug to get ice cream"

"How does ice cream sound, baby?" He glanced down at you as you nodded.

"Ice cream sounds perfect"

Rafe drove you to the ice cream parlour, his hand in your lap as Sarah was left watching you take comfort from her brother while your bike lay abandoned on the grass. The shoes long forgotten.

[probably-writing-x]

Curtains Closed

Summary:

Warnings: Heartbreaking angst I’m so sorry, cursing but I think that’s everything

Author’s Note: I am so sorry this is so sad fhskghs but i loved writing this request !! Please send me any more that you may be thinking of and I’ll do my best

The set is bustling by the time you get there, crew and cast dotted around everywhere all preparing to film and refilm scenes. This was the first time that you’d been able to make the visit, and yet Drew had been filming here for at least a month. It was a new film he was working on, but with you filming recently too, it felt like your paths just weren’t crossing.

“Hey (Y/N)!” One of the assistants smiles when she sees you, “His trailer is just over there.”

You thank her and turn in the direction of Drew’s trailer, where his character’s name is printed on a sheet of paper in the window. You knock and wait, almost nervously, for the door to open. You always felt nervous when you went weeks without seeing him properly, even a year into your relationship, that hadn’t changed.

It takes a few seconds before he comes to the door, swinging it open exaggeratively. His hair is messy and his top splashed with patches of water, a grin on his face.

“Hey baby!” Drew grins, though the moment stops quickly when he’s shot at with another spray of water, “You bitch!”

Your heart feels like it sinks for just a second, enough for you to notice. He hadn’t thought to kiss you when he saw you, not even reach out and wrap you in his arms.

“Sorry, sorry, come in,” He encourages, stepping out of the way for you to step through.

In the trailer, he’s joined by his costar, who you knew was called Emily. She was a beautiful girl, being a model before she’d become an actress, and she played his love interest in the film.

“Hey, you must be (Y/N) right?” Emily grins, holding a water gun in her hand that is still pointed at Drew.

“Yeah, it’s nice to meet you Emily.”

She doesn’t respond to you, instead squealing as Drew shoots her back, spraying her hair on either side of her face.

“So, how’s filming going?” You ask, sitting on the sofa across from Emily.

When Drew sits down, he takes the seat next to her.

“It’s good,” Drew nods, “We finished pretty early today, always easy doing scenes with Emily, you know?”

“Yeah, of course,” Emily grins, “We’re like a dream team on set.”

Your words seem to fail you, and you’re not sure why your chest feels so tight. This was stupid, right? They worked together, they were friends, it was good that Drew was working with someone that he got on well with. But that’s how it was when you two first got together, and part of you felt a sinking feeling that your instincts hadn’t failed you here.

“So where were you thinking of going tonight?” Drew asks, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table between the two couches.

You swallow the lump in your throat to respond but Emily cuts in quickly.

“Ooh why don’t you go to that Thai place we went to?” She suggests, and you’re sure that she has shuffled closer to Drew on the sofa.

“Yeah, we could do, it was so good,” Drew nods, “Me and Em went last week, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much in my life.”

The lump is back in your throat, “Yeah, sure, whatever you fancy.”

~~~

That night, you and Drew decided to order food in instead of going out, after you’d told him that you didn’t feel well. He’d eaten three slices of your pizza when you told him that you couldn’t finish it. And he had believed you when you told him there was nothing else that was wrong.

You were both in the kitchen now, washing up the plates you’d used for your food.

“So, Emily seems nice,” You nod, dragging the kitchen towel over your plate.

“Yeah, she’s great, right?” Drew smiles, “We just have such a laugh on set, genuinely I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much.”

You felt like you could cry in that moment, not just from that comment but from the way his eyes seemed so bright when he spoke about her, the way you felt like his eyes hadn’t been on yours as much as normal.

He hands you the last plate and shakes his hands off into the water, taking one side of the towel in your hands to dry his off.

“Hey,” He takes it out of your hands and sets it down, wrapping his arms around your waist, “It’s good to properly see you again.”

You force yourself to smile, setting a hand on his chest.

“I mean it, I feel like we’ve both been way too busy recently,” He nods, “It’s good for us to have days like this.”

You still can’t force your body to bring out any words, just looking at the boy in front of you like you’d never seen him before.

“Hey?” Drew dips his tall figure down to try and catch your eyes, “This is good, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” You smile and he kisses your cheek, releasing his arms from around you.

Your heart feels heavy and empty all at once, your mind running a thousand thoughts and thinking of nothing at all. When he walks off to disappear into the lounge, you feel like a part of you disappears with him.

~~~

That night, you both get ready for bed like you normally do. You brush your teeth together and he goes into the bedroom whilst you’re washing your face. It’s all the routine that you’re used to, and when you shut off the ensuite light, he’s already sat propped up against the headboard, scrolling through his phone. You’re still wearing one of his tops to bed, another piece of normality that it felt comforting to keep.

“Drew, can I ask you something?” You ask cautiously, hovering by the side of the bed like you’re worried about getting in.

“Sure, what is it?” He shuts off his phone screen and puts it on the bedside table.

“Do you think things are still the same between us when we don’t see each other as much? You know, like when we’re both so busy?”

You watch the way his face drops a little, “What are you talking about?”

“I mean… we’ve just both been so busy recently.”

“Yeah, and we make it work,” He continues, “We still text, we call, and it’s only been a few weeks, we’ve done worse.”

You drag a hand through your hair, pulling out one of the tangles to distract yourself, “I don’t-“

“What is this (Y/N)?” He shakes his head, “Is there something you need to tell me?”

“I just,” You take a deep breath, if you don’t say it now you never will, “I saw you with Emily today and I-“

“This is about Emily?” He sits up straighter, “Are you kidding?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you two went to dinner together?”

His words fail him and it’s like you can see the confidence crumble just a little, “I don’t-“

“Is it because you knew that it would look weird? For you two to just be going out together?” You continue, a new sense of confidence fuelling your words, “If you didn’t think it was weird, you would’ve told me. We talk everyday Drew. What excuse did you come out with?Or did you just hope that I wouldn’t ask?”

“I just told you I was going out with the cast, it was last Friday,” He admits, as if he’s just been caught in the act completely.

Your heart sinks, “So you lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie to you, I mean, it wasn’t like that,” He scrambles, standing up now so that both of you were on either side of the bed now, too much and too little space between you all at once, “I just knew how you’d think it looked, and we hadn’t seen each other in a couple of weeks, and you were busy with work, and I just didn’t want you to worry.”

“So I’m busy working, and you’re out on dates with a girl I hadn’t even met before?!”

“No, no, no, don’t be like that!” He seems more aggressive now, “It wasn’t a fucking date, okay? We’re friends.”

“Friends? Because she’s just so funny, and you’re fighting in your trailer, and you’re sat next to her, and you’re doing everything with her?”

“I’m sat next to her?” He half-laughs, “So you’re noting down where I sit now?”

“But it’s not just that, is it, Drew? I haven’t seen you in weeks and you didn’t even care! It could’ve been anyone walking through the door and you’d have had the same reaction! It’s like I was fucking interrupting!” You are waving your arms around as you speak, the way Drew knew you only did when you were getting angrier.

“You weren’t fucking interrupting,” He shakes his head, “But if you don’t trust me in that then maybe this is more of an issue than just Emily. What else, (Y/N)?”

You look at him there, his features darkened by the lack of light in your bedroom. He’s more toned than ever for this role, the muscles of his abs dipping in and out of his stomach and casting small shadows over his torso, his arms larger and his shoulders broader. If you looked for long enough, it felt like he was completely different. But his eyes were still yours, in the way they creased when you made him laugh, and the way his dimples hooked either side of his lips when he saw you happy. But this time it felt tainted, your mind overloading with thoughts of him giving the same eyes, the same smile, the same dimples to her.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Drew,” You whisper the words, uncertain of how they’ll sit in the air between you.

“What does that mean?” He shakes his head, the fury in him settling down into worry.

You’re silent, complete silence between the two of you.

“Let’s just go to bed, okay? We’re just tired,” Drew states, convincing himself along with you, “We’re not thinking straight, this isn’t us. Let’s just go to sleep, and we’ll wake up, and we’ll be fine, okay?”

You don’t reply.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice, okay?”

“Okay,” You croak out, your eyes threatening to spill unforgiving tears.

He takes a deep breath and gets back into bed, pulling down the sheets on your side. You follow suit, climbing in beside him and pulling the sheets high up over you as if a shield from the argument that still lingered in the air. Drew dips an arm beneath your back and pulls you into him, another piece of normality he seemed reluctant to give up. His body is warm but it feels too warm beneath your skin, burning into you just a little. His chest rises and falls but it’s not in the same rhythm, his heart slowing down as yours still felt like it was racing.

Eventually, you’re sure that he has fallen asleep, and you stay awake for far too much time after, your eyes staring at the closed curtains on the other side of the room, willing for the light to come through.

~~~

The following morning, you’re awake before he is, though you’re sure that you hadn’t had more than a couple of hours sleep the night before.

It’s cold in the apartment, like an air of the inevitable had settled over everything that the two of you had. When Drew wakes up, you’re sat with your feet and knees tucked up to you on the sofa, your hands around yourself.

“Morning,” He says, his voice still sleepy and thick, joggers hanging low on his hips, forcing the V-line of his torso to poke out.

You look up and offer him a small smile, the biggest that your lack of energy can muster.

“Did you sleep okay?”

He regrets the question almost as soon as it is said, as if he’d just asked you the worst thing possible in the moment. Instead, he walks over the short distance to you and sits down, close to you on the sofa like he wants to draw you into him.

“Listen, (Y/N),” He begins, “I know things aren’t ideal. We’re both busy, we’re working in different places, different hours, and it’s not going to end any time soon. But we can make this work, okay? We can change things. I’m going to tell you everything, I’m not going to lie to you, I’ll make sure I have more days off and I can come and visit you, and we can facetime more instead of just calling,” He pauses to take a breath, “We can fight for this (Y/N).”

“I don’t know how much longer I can just keep fighting, Drew,” Your voice is croaky, threatening to break.

“But this is us, baby, we can’t lose this,” He sits himself closer to you, though avoiding contact like he is afraid you’ll shatter in front of his eyes.

“Drew, listen,” You let yourself breathe for a moment, “This has worked for us, it has. We’ve always made it work. But, right now, it doesn’t feel like that anymore. We’re in different places, and this time it was only weeks, next time it might be a couple of months. You’ll go on press for the film, I’ll be here. I don’t know how much we can keep doing that.”

“We can try, can’t we?”

“I’ve never seen you with anyone and felt the way I did yesterday, I saw you with Emily and I felt like a completely different person, like I was this jealous and overthinking version of myself, and I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to see you after weeks and just argue with you,” You’re speaking through tears that you are fighting back, “This isn’t us, you said it last night. But if we stay together now, this is what we’re going to be, and I don’t want you to be someone I end up hating.”

Drew’s silent, staring at you like he’s hoping he’ll wake up from a nightmare.

“So I think we need to break up,” You choke through the words, though they feel cold as they leave your lips.

“(Y/N) please,” He whispers, tears spilling over his eyelashes.

“I can’t fight for this anymore Drew,” You shake your head and your tears fall too now, staining your cheeks as they do.

He moves forward and grips your hands, pulling them into the middle of his larger palms and bringing them to his lips. You drop your head forward and press your forehead to his. His tears drop down and mix with yours over your tangle of hands, neither of you wanting to move as if moving would solidify what had just been finalised already.

“I’m never not going to love you, (Y/N).”

You nod against his chest, “Then you’ll go, and I’ll stay, and we’ll find our way back.”

(((Adding a normal people reference so that you don’t all hate me for breaking your hearts xoxo)))

[boysssofthemonth]

Cardigan

JJ Maybank Series: Teenage Love Triangle Masterlist

Genre: Angst Warnings: None Words: 1700

JJ makes the biggest mistake of his life, and you have the rest of your life to pay for it.

Vintage tee, brand new phone High heels on cobblestones When you are young, they assume you know nothing Sequined smile, black lipstick Sensual politics When you are young, they assume you know nothing

For much of your life, it had been ingrained that hate was a strong word. It would be best practice to refrain from carelessly applying it to your vocabulary. 

But from a young age you were confronted with life lessons prompting you to learn just how much more weight the word love carried. And without careful consideration, the overuse of the word could wear out its substance. Throwing around the word could do more damage than good. 

Your parents were never the role model for what love was supposed to be - they were everything that it shouldn’t be. 

You were determined to be careful of who you chose to love, and to do so with caution. And most importantly, don’t trust boys who say they love you. 

But, as much as your life was predetermined the same way everybody else’s was. You were young and inexperienced. The road ahead longer than what was behind you. 

An essential part of an individual’s young life is ignorance, and despite the wisdom of those older, the best way to learn a lesson is through exposure. 

Your biggest life lesson?

JJ. 

Your history dated back in elementary school but your first actual interaction did not occur until freshman year in highschool. You spent your childhood shying away from the crowd, and JJ had his friends. He always had friends. 

But the world was your oyster, and in freshman year, your life changed when JJ sat beside you one lunch time - which continued on for the next few years. JJ with his big toothy grin, sharp comebacks and boyish appearance. Who could not fall in love with his charming personality?

Eventually you became that duo and the school was well aware of your relationship. There no longer was a Y/n and no longer a JJ. It became Y/n and JJ. 

Where’s Y/n? Probably with JJ.

I’m gonna invite JJ to the party. Y/n will probably come too.

It began romantically - but messy - just as every high school love story goes. When your inexperiences catch up to you, and you both come to an understanding that being in a relationship wasn’t just holding hands and being seen around each other or calling each other cute names. 

A relationship was a bond, requiring commitment and change. There was now a link between two individuals and through life's greatest challenges, you were to stand strong together. 

But JJ was young, and she was always there.

But I knew you Dancin' in your Levi's Drunk under a streetlight, I I knew you Hand under my sweatshirt Baby, kiss it better, I

You and JJ came up against many trials that were critical to the development of both your individual selves but also your relationship. Your love and fondness of each other blossomed like an elegant rose, envied by others for its beauty and passion. A love overflowing with romance and childish dreams.

Your time was well spent in each others company and you shared many firsts. Like the much anticipated first kiss, first dance, first party, first drink. The firsts for everything was with JJ. And throughout it all he was caring and understanding.

JJ showed you what love was and could be. He was the role model that you needed growing up to show you how to be loved.

But JJ was also surrounded by all his friends. Everybody that he loved.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan Under someone's bed You put me on and said I was your favorite

When family ties loosened and friendships failed. JJ became the one constant in your life, readily available whenever you needed him. 

When you felt unsafe in your own home, you found solace in JJ. He provided you a home in his heart, the same as you providing him a place in your heart. Nobody could understand the pain you were going through the way JJ did. In a way, you both lived similar lives - having parents who were never really there. 

When you felt like you were another hole in the wall, ignored but a silent burden, JJ patched you up and made you feel beautiful again. 

He would always, without ever a single doubt, pick you,

That’s what you thought, anyway. 

A friend to all is a friend to none Chase two girls, lose the one When you are young, they assume you know nothing

Your first warning from the very beginning should have been his kindness. 

JJ was the life of the party and was constantly surrounded by people. But your entire relationship he showed up, and his loyalty never once wavered. 

But you were seventeen, and everybody tells you that you’re too young and naive. Too immature. Life throws you obstacles so that you can learn from them.

First loves never last, but their impact will remain throughout the rest of your life. 

She was always there too. Sharing laughter, attending the parties, going to the school dances, riding out the waves of life the same as you and JJ. And JJ was kind to everyone, so JJ was kind to her.

But I knew you, Playing hide and seek and Giving me your weekends, I I knew you Your heartbeat on the High Line Once in twenty lifetimes, I

Roses are beautiful, they signify love and passion. But with everything beautiful, a dark side is concealed until eventually something forces it to come out of hiding. 

The signs became clearer and the thorns became sharper. 

She was only supposed to be a friend - that’s what he assured you - and you were supposed to understand. But she became a more frequent character in your life. 

You were the old cardigan again, shoved under the bed, no longer remembered. She was new, the latest style and perfect proportions. Only you could dream to be like her. 

All it took was one summer away from Kildare, away from JJ, to change everything. 

To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'

You reminisce on the days being with JJ. How love made you feel. How JJ himself made you feel.

Running around town, not giving a care in the world. It was you and him, against everybody else.

Trying out all the new cafes, ordering new items that you both had never tried before, and JJ offering you his drink if you didn't like your choice.

Competing on regular bowling dates, with JJ never giving you the chance to beat him (that's just his nature, JJ always had to win). But making it up to you by buying whatever you wanted at the ice cream store.

Reading your favorite book and JJ taking the time out of his day to listen to your review, providing you with just the right amount of responses so that you knew he was really listening.

Watching tv shows together, laughing at the corny jokes, gagging at the love scenes. But also seeing your love portrayed in the films you watched.

If he had just been with you, maybe she would have never had the chance.

When it returns to your mind, the wounds that never healed are reopened and you are reminded of your loss. You lost your love, guardian and believer.

The one who could console you in your darkest days.

JJ had you believe that no other man, besides your father, could harm you. But they were lies, because the very boy that those words came out from, was the very same boy that hurt you. The wounds much more painful and deeper than your fathers. Because at least you grew up not knowing any better, that was your father and it was expected.

But JJ? He tricked you. He made you believe that he would always protect you.

'Cause I knew you Steppin' on the last train Marked me like a bloodstain, I I knew you

JJ’s disloyalty was the cause of the end of your relationship, but more than that, his treatment towards you as the relationship began to crash down. He chose that road, filled with lies, betrayal and dishonesty. He chose a life that he could not come back from when he willingly put her above you.

JJ proved to you that he was just a boy and you had more self-respect than to stay with a boy. You learnt first hand from your own mother what staying could do. 

Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy, I I knew you

You loved JJ, and love was enough for you to allow JJ into your heart in the first place. Although it did take some time. But you opened up to him. Nevertheless, deep down, you were aware of the dangerous path you had chosen for yourself. 

You knew the risks of getting involved with a boy, and that first relationships usually never last. But despite that, you gave him a chance. 

JJ was young and he was a boy still navigating life blindly. He was disappointed in himself, and ashamed of what he had done. 

The moment he found out that you knew what happened, he was quick to apologise, and begged you to forgive him.

You could see it in his eyes, the regret and shame. You knew this would have a lasting impact on him. But his mistakes were irreversible.

Leavin' like a father Running like water, I And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

The betrayal stained you, like red wine on a white dress. 

You reminded yourself that life was filled with lessons, and this was just a part of that, but the hurt remained a constant in your life. 

JJ promised you many things, but he had other plans. 

You were used to people entering and leaving your life, but this hurt the most.

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long 'Cause I knew everything when I was young I knew I'd curse you for the longest time Chasin' shadows in the grocery line I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired And you'd be standin' in my front porch light And I knew you'd come back to me You'd come back to me And you'd com*e back to me And you'd come back

Despite the break up, JJ was still there, haunting you at every corner of your life. 

You explored the town together and now every lamp post and every ice cream store were just reminders of his betrayal. Of everything that you lost. Every book you read had never felt the same again. 

You knew that you had to endure this pain endlessly, and your love for JJ, in spite of the circumstances, would never waver. 

But you were angry. Angry and shameful. 

Angry at JJ for what he did, lying to you and proposing empty promises. 

You felt shameful, that you allowed a boy to get so close to you and grant him the power to hurt you tremendously. Because all along you knew things could never stay blissful, but you still allowed him access to your heart and rip it apart. Leaving you with nothing but broken promises, tears of blood and a wilted rose. 

But he came back, knocking on your door, begging to be let in again and show you that love did exist in the midst of his infidelity. 

But how could you let him in again?

Taglist: @fals3-g0d

[whyareyouhere66]

JJ Maybank x Male Reader - Safe With Me

JJ Maybank x Male !kook! Reader

Request [shortened, it was very in depth and I don’t want to spoil too much] : “male reader is a popular kook…and best friends with Sarah and Kie…and he has a rough family they are super rich but his dad doesn't like him to being gay…also JJ and the reader act like a couple and they like each other but don’t realize it cause they like what they got…[main event you’ll have to read]…then they make it official.”

CW: hurt/comfort, homophobia/homophobic family, the slightest mentions of drinking, kinda cheesy towards the end, y/n’s dad sucks

x

Love;

[noun]

An intense feeling of deep affection

“Y’think we can make a quick pit stop before we go and do, well, whatever this is?”

The voice woke Y/n up before the sun even could, though his eyes were still close to shutting. It was Pope’s voice, of course- his sarcasm leaking through his words.

On the couch, Y/n had one arm stretched out next to his face to act as a pillow, shielding his eyes from the early morning sun just enough for him to not be blinded. 

A few feet behind the couch, Pope walked over to the small round table where John B sat with Sarah. Papers were scattered across the wooden surface, the girl’s feet propped up on the edge. 

“Eh, sure why not- hey, pass me a beer, will you?” John B said, nodding towards the fridge behind Pope’s chair. 

“It’s 7 in the morning.”

“Oh c’mon, never too early to get a little drink.”

Pope rolled his eyes, but sure enough got up again to open the fridge.

The sound of a can being tossed, and the rattle of the fridge door closing made Y/n groan. He just wanted to sleep, he was comfortable on the lumpy couch with JJ’s warmth beside him. 

The night before they’d fallen asleep side by side, nothing new for either of them. JJ’s head was settled just below Y/n’s arm-pillow, just slightly pressed against his chest while their legs overlapped. When the sound continued on, his friends still talking across the room, he shifted in his spot and let his free arm fall on JJ’s shoulders.

Y/n would’ve smiled at the sight of the blonde settled so close to him, but the voices that rang out behind him were so loud. 

He just wanted to go back to sleep-

“Aw, did we interrupt your sleep?” Y/n’s eyebrows furrowed.

 ‘Wonderful’

Sarah was grinning at him, seeing how his face had changed. 

“Let’s go, up and at ‘em.” John B joined right in, drumming on the table just loud enough to force Y/n’s eyes open, and stir JJ just a bit.

It was then when the sun finally hit him, groaning again and rubbing his eyes. “You guys are so loud.” Y/n complained, lifting his head and looking around the room. 

Kiara lay sprawled out on the arm chair across from the couch, rubbing her eyes and glaring at Pope and John B. “Seriously guys? This early?” She asked  sleepily, falling against the chair again. 

It was clear the other 3 couldn’t care less, Pope ignoring the sleeping teens while John b and Sarah were getting up from the table to bug them some more. 

The blonde girl walked to the chair, standing over Kie and grinning widely. Back at the couch, John B walked past the half asleep pair, drummed against their legs once, before looping around back to the kitchen.

The slaps to their calves caused both Y/n and JJ to jerk, the latter doing so more loudly as he was only then waking up. 

“What the fuck dude.” he grumbled, shoving his face back against the couch while Y/n rolled over onto his back. 

At that point, all 6 of them were awake- whether it be willingly or not. It was simply a part of the Chateau’s morning routine, something you sign up for when falling asleep at John B’s. The alarm would be just as obnoxious as the host. 

Y/n pressed the heel of his free hand into his eyes, hiding them from the sun. The other arm was still stuck under JJ’s neck. “What time is it?” He asked, to which Pope responded.

“7:32.”

 Y/n groaned. 

“Shit,” he mumbled, clumsily sitting up from his spot on the couch. 

“Pops’ll be mad?” JJ sighed sarcastically, and watched Y/n’s figure as the boy stumbled off the couch to grab his shoes. 

“Don’t leave me man-“ he gasped out dramatically, and Y/n couldn’t help but smile. Reaching over the couch, he ruffled the blonde hair on JJ’s head.

“Oh, this is heartbreaking.” Kie faked a frown and put a hand over her heart.

 The two boys had always been close, everyone knew that. They each cared for each other in a way that neither could truly describe, any words used felt wrong, or perhaps too soon for them to say. 

So they didn’t try the words, they stuck to their bond even if it got them the “idiot-boyfriends-who-aren’t-even-boyfriends” label in the group.

Y/n himself felt the smile growing, opening the door that lead out to the porch.

“Bye, JJ” he called jokingly, getting a “bye Y/n” right back, the words holding the same tone that his had. 

It wasn’t until he was entirely out of the house that he let his mind wander, only having 10 minutes time before his car would reach his drive way- where the smile he wore would disappear. 

****

Greed; 

[noun]

Intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food.

A day had passed since Y/n unfortunately had to leave the Chateau early, and it wouldn’t be long before he was back in the car with his closest friends, with JJ.

The h/c teen sat on his scratchy, leather couch- it’s black color popping out against the light walls. 

He sat there, leaned against the armrest scrolling through his phone as he waited for the Pogues to come and pick up him and Sarah. Across the room, his father- D/n L/n sat at the dining room table.

The man’s face was very stern, lips formed into a  thin line as he stared holes into his computer screen. A few papers were in a pile, his hand resting on top - the focus leaking from his eyes leaving no breathing room, no space for him or Y/n to talk. 

The latter looked up from his phone, glancing at the stairs where Sarah left for the bathroom 5-ish minutes ago. The sooner she came down, the sooner he’d have an excuse to leave the room. 

Slowly, he let his gaze wander. 

It shifted from the long staircase, over the walls until it was set on the man at the table. His eyes narrowed.

Greed and love. 

It was a relationship never fit to work, though it can still find itself intertwined into bloodline. Two opposing forces sitting on the same branch of the family tree, living in the same house. One on the couch, one at the table. 

Y/n always preferred to differentiate himself from greed.

Being born a Kook, he accepted his privilege. But he saw what greed looked like, he lived with it. And he knew, from the nasty snarl worn on his father’s skin, that it was something he never wanted to be.

The boy stared at his father until the edges of his vision began to dance. So, he looked away, eyes going back to his phone screen. He didn’t want to think about it anymore than he had to. 

The time read 12:09, him and Sarah were to get picked up at 12:15. Y/n stood up, tucking his phone into his pocket so while Sarah took her time upstairs, he could at least get some of the stuff he needed. 

Starting with his keys, he grabbed them from the coffee table and stuck them into his pocket. He moved towards the fridge next- but the noise that had come from his key chain caught his fathers attention. 

“Going somewhere?” D/n asked, just as Y/n had opened the fridge door. 

“…yeah.” The h/c looked straight forward, the blue-ish light flooding his face as he grabbed a water bottle. 

“And where would that be?” 

Y/n’s father hadn’t looked away from his work, though Y/n couldn’t tell either way as he was staring straight into the fridges’s shelves.

“Just out, nothing special.”

He  eventually had to draw away from the fridge where he’d been hiding. The silver door closed after him, and Y/n turned to see his father looking right at him. 

“Just you and Sarah?” The man asked, raising an eyebrow and resting his elbow on the back of his chair. 

Y/n’s face faltered. He knew who his father was referencing, what he was getting at. 

“No” he thought, saying it in his head over and over until maybe, he could say it out loud.

“Doesn’t matter.”

…or not. 

Admittedly, he didn’t want his father to know. He selfishly wanted his friends to be his own thing- because when his father even caught sight of them, it would become a disruption. 

D/n had the belief that Kooks and Pogues shouldn’t interact unless absolutely necessary- he was just “too good” for them, after all. He worked so life ran on his own personal railroad, and Y/n’s friends were nothing but roadblocks. 

“Oh, but I think it does.” D/n narrowed his eyes at his son, who looked away with his head tilted towards the floor. Y/n fidgeted with the bottle in his hands- his father was onto him. They each had one specific boy in mind at that current moment, and by the look in each others eyes, they each knew it.

“Hey! Sorry about that, Wheezie called me.”

 Sarah landed on the last step just as Y/n was released in from his father’s stare. She looked up from her phone, not catching how D/n had to adjust to return to his computer screen. 

Y/n quickly walked to her, giving her a smile when she quirked her eyebrow. 

“Hey, took you long enough.” He joked, sitting back on the couch. Sarah rolled her eyes and shrugged. 

“Just say you missed me, it takes less time.” She says, plopping down onto the chair. 

Y/n laughed, letting his shoulders relax as Sarah had joined him in the room. He opened his mouth to reply, fire some sort of comeback, but a small ding came from his phone.

‘We’re here, hurry up JJ’s about to rob your neighbor.’

The text came from Kie. Y/n peered over his phone and caught a glimpse of her car outside the window, catching a small smile on his face. Sarah followed his eyes and saw the car, grinning and nodding at the boy to get up. 

Sparing one last glance to his father, Y/n followed Sarah out the door. 

“Hey hey!” 

As soon as Y/n stepped foot outside his door, JJ was jumping right out of the parked car- of course. With a grin, Y/n hopped down the stairs and jogged to meet him in the middle.

“What’s up JJ-“ he said, his voice almost giddy, and he wrapped his arms around him. There was a slight slap on his back as JJ hugged him back, and a tickle in his neck as that’s where JJ buried his nose. 

“Waiting for you, I was about to hop the fence and visit old Richie over there-“ JJ’s voice turned breathy at the end of the sentence, spinning on his heel and bringing the boy in his arms right with him. Y/n’s eyes widened, and a laugh rumbled from his throat. His arms tightened around the boy, securing himself when his feet left the ground. 

“Holy shit dude-“

“JJ, put him down.” John B sounded tired, managing no more than an eye roll when JJ only laughed. Though, he did drop Y/n onto the sidewalk right next to him. The boy, with his feet finally planted on the ground, patted the back of the blondes back.

“C’mon, let’s head out-“

“Y/n.” 

The deep voice sent chills down the teen’s spines, each of them recognizing who it was. The joyful feeling that tainted the air only seconds ago suddenly faded into tension.  Y/n himself was forced to hesitantly turn, and meet his fathers cold eyes. 

“Come here.” The glare that emitted off D/n’s stern figure made his son shudder- the boy really just wanted to leave. 

“Dad, we’re going somewhere-“ 

“I thought we talked about this?” One eyebrow raised, turning D/n’s face into one of judgement. Y/n swallowed.

“I mean, there was never really an agreement, so-“

The next look that came from D/n was one of warning. 

A small lump formed in Y/n’s throat, swallowing it down and air huffed from his nose. 

“Mr. L/n, we were really just-“ Kiara, bold as always, tried and failed to reassure her friends father. Her words got cut off before she could even finish, the deep voice replacing them. “No, no I know. And it’s not happening.” 

Y/n felt his skin itch, why was his father doing this in front of his friends?  Before he would go out of his way to avoid them, but now he talked freely. Y/n’s eyes flickered to the car, having half a mind to run and jump into the back seat before another word could spill. 

“Dad-“

“Y/n, look at the neighbors,” his fathers voice rose, “their son is your age, what about that?” He gestured towards the large, nearly identical house across the garden. His other hand gripped the door handle tightly, as if he was prepared to storm back inside at any moment. 

The group tensed, they knew what his father meant, even if he hadn’t said it directly. Though while John B and Pope bit their tongue, Kiara stepped forward with a deadly glare imprinted onto her face. 

“What are you implying?” She asked, clearly having taken offense. Y/n looked at her, battling with himself in his head as to whether or not he should stop her. John B’s hand landed on her shoulder, urging her to step back.

Y/n’s eyes are torn away when he suddenly felt the familiar warmth of JJ’s hand grabbing his. His eyes widen. 

“Shit.”

He nearly pulled away, but something made him stay, something in him wanted to. Though the second his fathers cold stare landed on their tangled fingers, he questioned that decision. 

JJ glared harshly at Y/n’s father- but no words fell, as he still was trying to decide if he should say anything at all. But in that moment, it was better that he didn’t.

Y/n was frozen in his place, head tilted down to stare at his hand and JJ’s, too scared to look up. 

“And what’s this, huh?”

‘No.’

“Are we still on this, are you serious?”

The words tugged the strings of Y/n’s heart, hearing such words from his own father, being watched by all his friends, by the boy he could only secretly love. He glared at the ground, shaking his head. 

“It’s-“

“You just-“ D/n turned, facing the wooden frame of the door and rubbing his eyes, “this is not how I wanted to raise you.”

The words ran Y/n’s throat dry, like a river drowned into soil by hot sun. JJ felt the way his hand tightened, heard the shaky sigh that escaped him.

Kiara, once more, stepped forward boldly. “You can’t say that to him!” She rasped, eyebrows pulled into a deep furrow. JJ too found his voice quickly, barking out a “hey!” 

“Mr L/n,” Sarah’s whisper barely scraped past the lump in her throat, only heard by her boyfriend. 

As Y/n stood there on his own walkway, all the words of his friends fizzled against his ears in an echo. He stared at the ground until he became dizzy, nothing but his fathers voice reaching past his ears. 

He didn’t want to fit his fathers description. But it still hurt. 

He snapped out of the daze when JJ began moving, their joined hands swaying. 

“The fuck is your problem, man?” JJ’s voice was heavy with anger, challenging D/n with his voice. Y/n’s eyes darted to JJ’s face.

“Excuse me, young man?” The authority that rattled from Y/n’s father would’ve made anyone else back away, but JJ only seemed to move closer. Y/n watched on with wide eyes. 

“JJ,” he tried, suddenly becoming aware of what exactly was happening right next to him. 

“You talk to him like that then wonder why he likes hanging with us? Man you must be joking-“ the blonde seethes. 

“Do not talk to me like that,”

“You’re a real piece of shit.” 

John B pulled JJ back, giving him a stern look. Pope, backing towards the car, mouthed at him to shut up. 

Y/n’s heart pounded, staring only at JJ. What was he doing?

D/n’s head snapped to his son’s.

“If this is how you’re going to be, dont try coming home.”

Y/n reeled back, shocked. JJ stomped forward. 

“Good, he’ll stay with me. You’re only helping me here, man.” 

It got quiet for a moment after that. 

Angrily, Y/n’s father looked at him expectantly, telling him to choose with nothing more than his eyes.

Y/n’s lips were parted, staring right back at his father for the first time that whole argument. JJ’s arm snakes around his shoulder.

“He’ll be safe with me.”

Those last words are what settled it for Y/n, the only thing he needed to hear before he knew. He knew exactly what, who, he wanted. 

Wordlessly, he turned away from his father and pulled JJ into a tight hug. No hesitation followed as JJ pulled him even closer. 

Behind them, the door slammed shut, and Y/n knew that was it. Yet for just a moment, when JJ pulled away and held his face in his hands, he pushed the thought away. 

“I promise.” The blonde whispered with a small smile . Y/n smiled back, unable to stop himself for he knew what he truly meant by those words. 

The smile broke into a sniffle and a chuckle, feeling Kiara attacking him from behind with a strong hug. Sarah followed.

“Fuck, guys, I don’t know what to do now-“ he kept the smile through his teary eyes. 

“We’ll figure it out, man.” Pope told him from the car. “We always do.”

[littlementalpolaroids]

guys send me the most toxic ass fic about rafe with angst from here to the moon i need feel something

[loveharlow]

rafe cameron p. links ⌦ .｡.:*♡

WARNING(S)‧₊˚  literal porn. these are porn links. if it takes you to a web page and nothing is there, press the 'open in app' button. 💋

rafe fucking you first thing in the morning

he doesn't want to see your face 'cause he's mad

he fucks you at a house party

rafe tries to fuck you quietly while ward & rose are home

he eats you out for the first time and can't get enough

reverse cowgirl in the back of his truck

fucking in his truck in the club parking lot

he tries not to cum inside of you but fails

he gets tired of fucking with red lights on

he posts y'all fucking on his snap story

rafe loves your new back tattoo

let me know if any of these links appear broken!

[mariespen]

Never Alone ₊✩ˎˊ˗

rafe x reader angst/comfort ⊹˚.⋆ Summary: Rafe goes to sleep alone after reader doesn't listen to him, but something's missing. Warnings: arguing/yelling, reader being in the wrong, insults and some stronger language

⊹˚.⋆︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵⊹˚.⋆

“I can’t believe this.. I can’t believe you.” Rafe said, pointing an accusatory finger and shaking his head in disappointment.

You stood there, any bit of attitude that you walked in with had left your body the moment you saw the look in his eyes.

“Rafe, I just lost track of time!” You protested, unintentionally sounding whiny.

“You don’t fucking listen!” His voice raised and you stood smaller as he continued his rant, “Everything I say is in and out with you.” His eyes narrowed at your face.

There was only one thing that pushed Rafe off the edge; not listening to what he tells you. Months ago he had told you not to hang out with the pogues. Since then, you’d been sneaking around with them to not piss off your short-tempered boyfriend. 

It’s proving to be true that you also should’ve listened to him when he told you to be ready for a gala by 6pm sharp tonight. The Cameron family was being honored at the country club for being generous contributors after a particularly large donation made by Rafe’s father.  Of course, you found yourself adventuring with the pogues, stained with dirt and very far from home at 6pm. 

According to him, Rafe had been covering for you all night, saying that you had the flu and wouldn’t be able to make it. Your arrival was heavily anticipated because your grandfather was a big name in the country club. In turn, Rafe needed you there to make conversation and for a good excuse to leave early. He was beyond livid when he stormed into the house at 9pm and realized that you still weren’t home. When you finally tried to sneak into the bedroom thirty minutes later, praying Rafe was still away and racking your brain for believable excuses, he was waiting with an angry red face.

It didn’t help your case at all when Rafe saw JJ Maybank and Kiara Carrera driving away from his house.

“Rafe m’sorry-'' you tried to apologize again, but he cut you off.

“I don’t care!” He stared at you for a moment, taking in your expression before starting again, “Jesus, s’like you’re a child.” he mumbled, ready to end the night angry.

Until you rolled your eyes right as he turned around to face you again.

“Rolling your eyes at me, hm?” He said, the anger coming back into his tone, “y’know what? If you want to hang out with those assholes so bad, go on. S’where you belong.” He said, his tone biting into you as he turned again.

Tears welled in your eyes. You knew Rafe had brought you this kook lifestyle when you were struggling after your mother left the island. You thanked him for two weeks after you moved in with him, then the two of you didn’t speak about it. It’s been a year since then and this was the first time he had brought it up. You didn't think he'd hold it above you.

A sob escaped the confines of your throat when he slammed the door behind him. You let your body crumble, crying into your hands. He had barely let you get a word out and you hated him for it. You knew you were in the wrong, but his words kicked you in the gut.

You picked your own sobbing body up, quieting down and making your way to change from your dirty clothes. You could hear Rafe’s pacing steps and occasional annoyed sighs from downstairs. After wiping the dirt off of your body and getting changed, you laid in the huge bed the two of you shared, trying to distract yourself. You already knew that Rafe planned to sleep in a guest room downstairs and you told yourself it was fine. 

An hour passed and turned into two, the clock ticking as you eventually watched three hours pass. You were restless, just like how you always were without Rafe. You both couldn’t sleep without the other’s company. You were going to lay awake all night until a soft knock on the door sounded around the room and an exhausted Rafe tried to quietly walk in. You sat up, looking at his hooded eyes.

“Rafe, I’m so sorry..” You took in a breath as you prepared to spit all of your reasons out at once.

“No, m’sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He breathed out, sitting on the bed next to you.

“No, Rafe. I was irresponsible, baby please.. please forgive me.” You whispered your last words, tears forming again, “I’ll listen. I promise I’ll listen.”

“Shh baby..” He cooed, laying down and holding you to him, “we can talk in the morning. Js need you..” He muttered.

You meekly smiled into him, happy to know that his soft spot for you hadn’t worn thin.

“I love you.” You whispered into his chest, but the only response you got back were his small snores.

⊹˚.⋆︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵⊹˚.⋆

[cute-sucker]

EX HUSBAND RAFE HEADCANONS !!

ex-husband!rafe will continuously come to your house telling you it's only to check up on your baby girl

ex-husband!rafe will catch himself calling you sweetheart and honey, and them stop himself before it gets out of hand, iching his head and tilting his head in that endearing way

ex-husband!rafe is in tune with your cycle, and you swear the man knows the exact day to send you chocolate and sweet things to handle your sweet tooth

ex-husband!rafe will sleep on the couch with a sheepish smile, but then will soon later join you in your bed, cradling you in the way that made your breath catch whispering "what's the master bed for then, huh?"

ex-husband!rafe will know everything about your dating life/borderline which may seen creepy but somehow you know it's for your health and somehow you understand it all

ex-husband!rafe will let the goddamn pretentious expensive preschool know that his daughter is worth the world and the last thing they want to do is piss the cameron's off

ex-husband!rafe would find himself desperately cracking an inside in an attempt to reminisce about times before your split

ex-husband!rafe will still introduce you as his wife in business outings, a sharp smile on his face while his hand wanders possessively low at the small part of your back, and sometimes you liked how he took stake of what was his

ex-husband!rafe would always attend school events for their daughter, cheering their daughter at the soccer match, and making decisions over coffee

ex-husband!rafe would have you a new bouquet every single time he comes to your house- almost as if to make up for every single one he didn't give you when the two of you were together

ex-husband!rafe still glances at you in that way where dull sparks travel up into your heart, and you feel the testament of time and the feeling that you would never forget the imprint he has on your mind

ex-husband!rafe always compliments you, and sometimes he kisses your forehead, and when you're crying too hard he bundles you in his arms and tells you everything

ex-husband!rafe watches cheesy romance movies with you, both of your legs entwined, and he watches you during those rom coms all teary eyed and telling him it was the best time for romance

ex-husband!rafe lets you know everything that happens in his life, if it's for a little chat or a ride in his car- and his car? he still drives you everywhere. who knows the types of sickos there are in the world? that's what he says to say as he rants furiously

ex-husband!rafe is still the first emergency contact in your phone, and when you get in trouble - he's running to you, arms open to cradle you in his warmth. he always knows how to handle the situation

ex-husband!rafe starts baking for you, and sometimes he leaves a few cupcakes or muffins every single he comes. at this point you feel the sudden urge to grab his face and kiss him every single time he cheekily leaves more loafs of bread for you

ex-husband!rafe loves your daughter and you to the moon and back, and he calls the two of you, "his girls," and you swear sometimes you feel your heart break when you see the wary look on his face

ex-husband!rafe always avoids the question regarding why you split up, because he sees the way hot tears well up in your eyes, and the way your hands shake underneath the table and the last time a bastard asked that question--rafe almost punched him in the face

ex-husband!rafe curses himself every single day for signing those papers and letting the best goddamn thing he ever had go.

[xveenusx]

Indifference

Paring(s): Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Summary: Two people who are in love, well he used to be

Authors note: you guys like when I make you cry

Rating: angsty

Warnings: it'll hurt :)

__________________

He was late.

Time was a funny thing. Minutes turned to hours which rolled into days then suddenly months began to blur into years. In that time, people tend to go out and experience things, falling in and out of love, enjoying everything life had to offer.

Yet, I somehow found myself motionless, the spark that once ignited my core had been stifled to a small ember. Life continued to pass by while I remained glued in one place, watching as everyone around me attempted to achieve some form of happiness.

I was once like that. Filled with some much hope for a life with someone I loved, who showed up to support me and believed in my capability, because at one time in my life that was exactly what Rafe was.

Like I said, time was a funny thing. The more time passes with your partner, the more comfortable they seem to get. They stop trying. However, at what point does being comfortable become almost negligent?

Dates were canceled, appointments missed, and important accomplishments forgotten the more time went on. Rafe’s priorities shifted and I went from being the center of his world to being a planet merely circling his gravitational pull.

In his mind, we were forever, so a couple of cancellations here and there and bouts of forgetfulness were nothing in the span of things. I would have agreed had the cancellations not doubled with time or our conversations going from intimate and deep to surface level at best.

He was never home. It was always just me in this large house on figure 8.  Suddenly, he went from being the moon and the stars to just a bleak, unforgivable starless night. Cold and dark.

We had met when we were 16 and he was every bit a spoiled little rich boy that had extreme daddy issues, but there was more to him than that. I picked at his defenses until finally they shattered, and I was engulfed by all of him.

He was just different around me and that fact alone left me delighted. It made me feel special, almost stupidly so.

Things between Rafe and his father were already tense enough since Rafe bought a motorbike with the money he was supposed to spend on the generator. Then everything began to snowball out of control from there. He threw himself into his father’s work and when he wasn’t doing that, he was with Kells and Topper doing god knows what and snorting anything he could find.

Despite all of this, Rafe always kept me close and always let me in. 

Last year, when Ward had gone with Sarah and John B to South America, and didn’t return, something shifted inside him. His defenses were rebuilt, only this time he left me on the outside, and no matter how hard I tried to break him down brick by brick, nothing worked. He became obsessed with running Ward’s real estate empire better than he ever did.

Rafe was a cold and calculated legacy with a large chip on his shoulder that made him lethal against competing firms. He chewed them up and spit them out.

With every major milestone, it was never enough for him, and like a man possessed he continued to ruthlessly target anyone that had done him wrong. We had everything and yet the bitterness seemed to consume him. He was someone I saw once a day if I was lucky. He always left before I woke up and was never home by the time I went to bed and suddenly we were glorified roommates.

Once upon a time, I would stay up waiting for him with my heart in my hand, hoping to connect in any way. Even if I only had a few minutes to spend with him before he went to sleep, it was enough for me. But, 10 pm became 11 pm which turned into 12 am and so I gave up. My sleep schedule was already a mess as thoughts and insecurities pestered my mind of another woman.

“Any word from him yet? Some of the donors are asking for him?” The question pulls me out of my thoughts and I turn to face my assistant, Rai.

Her question is innocent enough, but I can hear the slight concern in her voice and I know she has her doubts which only serves as another humiliating reminder that Rafe has done this to me repeatedly.

But this was different. He knew how important this charity dinner was to the shelter I opened up for women and children who suffered from domestic violence.

As someone who came from the cut, it was everywhere and so many didn’t have the means to flee and so they were forced to stay and in the most severe instances, die.

Rafe gave me the start-up money as a gift and it was a huge success that I opened several more as well as fund for scholarships for both the mothers and kids. Which is what brings me to now, a charity dinner and auction to help fund said scholarships and pay for all the shelter necessities.

He promised he would be here. It’s important for the donors to see him here seeing as though he donated a huge sum once more and could ease the minds of those who are teetering on the edge. It’s also important to me. This project is mine, something I created and shared with the world and I want to share it with him too.

I want him to celebrate this accomplishment with me and he is nowhere to be found.

“He’ll be here. Rafe promised.” I clear my throat, “He knows how important this is to me.”

Rai gave me a doubtful look and I know that I couldn’t convince her anymore than I could convince myself. The engagement ring that bore my finger instantly weighed a ton.

Glancing down at the large diamond that once meant the promise of everything, stared back at me as nothing more than a simple accessory.

Rafe had proposed and foolishly I believed that it would save us so I said yes.

I stayed and time and time again, the disappointment slowly began to etch away at the childish hope I tried to cling onto until only a dull ache remained.

“Don’t you look lovely?” Plastering a fake smile onto my face, I let out a sheepish laugh as I take in Kiara’s parents. 

“Thank you guys so much for coming.” The words ring true but I couldn’t help but feel like I was underwater. My focus is shot and I find myself hardly listening with my eyes darting to the front door every minute or so, desperate to see the man I used to think would never stop loving me. 

I float around the room, committed to being a gracious host, because I would not let him take this from me too. Not when he’s taken everything else already. This is the only piece left of me. 

My cheeks hurt two hours later from all the fake smiles and my throat burns from the feigned laughing. The sound of my own voice makes me wince. 

In those two hours, I felt my confidence slowly get chipped piece by piece as everyone questioned where my fiancé was. And for a moment, I hated him. I truly hated him because even this small piece of heaven I made for myself is tied into him. 

Honey, I need to run some numbers with Rafe. Where is he hiding? 

Where is the biggest investor? Surely, he’s here, right?

I haven't seen Mr. Cameron. Has he stepped out? 

With which I responded,” Work emergency, you know how it is. He’s nothing if not committed.” Considering most of these possible donors run their own large companies, they completely understand but it’s their partners reactions that seem to leave me stunned. 

Each had a warm look of understanding dancing in their eyes as I’m sure they’ve used the same excuse time and time again.

I can only take so much. So I excuse myself and glance at the small gold heart shaped watch on my delicate wrist and take note of the time.

There was only 30 minutes left and I haven't gotten so much as a text from him. 

A pit began to form where my stomach used to be as I realized once more that he wasn’t coming. As I stood in a packed room, filled with a flurry of activity, surrounded by people, I’ve never felt more alone.

Then my eyes connect with Mrs. Dune, the wife of a finance guru that works alongside Rafe. She was much older than I, having been with her husband for 30 years but she looked even older. 

It’s almost as though she can read my thoughts, because she sends me a sad smile as she lets her eyes go to where her husband stands talking to other donors. I haven't seen him talk to her the whole night, instead she’s been standing at his side saying nothing. 

I take an uneven breath and my eyes widen in realization. Was this what I had to look forward to? A life sentence of loneliness vacant of any warmth and attention? 

Swallowing hard, I force my eyes away and stare at the door. Begging whoever will listen to please, this once, let me be wrong. I’m so in my thoughts that I’m startled when a soft hand lands on my arm.

“You get used to it. Eventually, you’ll feel nothing.” Mrs. Dune says quietly, her eyes moving back to her husband, with a look I can only describe as longing. 

That’s the thing. I don't want to get used to it. This isn’t how I want to be loved.

“What you’ve accomplished is amazing. Don’t let him take that away from you.” Was her parting words and she left, not sparing her husband another glance. 

When I turn to see if he noticed she left, he’s still engaged in conversations and doesn’t spare her a glance. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you. This is Amy Park.” Rai looks ecstatic as she introduces me to the stunning tall woman next to her. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Park.” The words come out on instinct.

“I wanted to discuss how open you would be to expanding shelters nationwide?”

And for the first time in awhile, a real smile graces my face as I answer her question. 

_____________________

The first thing I notice when I pull into our driveway is the plethora of cars that fill it. The second thing I pick up on is familiar vibrations of music with each step I take along our pathway. 

My front door is wide open as people come in and out, clearly under the influence of something and my chest constricts. 

This is what he’s been doing? This was more important than me? 

Clutching my keys tightly, I welcome the familiar biting against my skin. I recognize many of the faces, most of them having gone to school with Rafe. 

If it was any other night, I would have joined them. We were only 22 and yet have lived what seems to be a hundred lives. But, this is different. He’s different. 

Climbing up the staircase, I head to the balcony where I hear a familiar boast of laughter. 

I cleared my throat. “What’s so funny?”

Heads snap in my direction but my eyes are only on one. One that currently has a short black haired girl nearly in his lap. I recognize her as a bartender at one of the local grills/bars we frequent. 

“Don’t you look gorgeous-“ Topper attempts to run interference, but it’s too late. I raise my hand to silence him. I’ve already seen everything I needed too. 

His body is positioned slightly in front of them as if I was going to body slam them. I might actually. 

“Hey, wait! How did the donor dinner go?” Topper's eyes dart to Rafe’s. “That was tonight right?”

I see the moment everything clicks. His eyes rake down from my newly styled hair to the louboutins in my feet. Everything I wore from the jewelry on my body to the shoes on my feet he bought me, and I’ve never felt more sick.

Rafe clenches his eyes shut as he shakes his head. “Fuck.”

Fuck, indeed.

“Get out of my way, Topper.”

He throws a worried glance to Rafe. “I think maybe-“

“Top, give us a second.” Rafe mutters tensely. He keeps his hard set gaze on me, drilling into me, almost as though he’s daring me to move. 

Kelce stands up giving me an apologetic look. “Rafe, man, there’s a bunch of people here.”

I force myself to look away. 

“Not right now, Kells.” 

He wasn’t wrong. This house was full of people, but the only difference being that none of them matter. Not to me and not to Rafe. 

Steady. Keep steady and just breathe. 

“So what should I do-“

I look at him. Me or them? It was unsaid but he knew what I was asking him. 

“Back the fuck off and give me a fucking second with my girl.” Rafe barks out, running a rough hand through the short cropped strands that brush against his forehead. 

Both hold their hands up in mock surrender before shuffling off to the side. The girl doesn’t get up. 

Topper coughs. “Sophia.” 

Her eyes take me in with clear distaste. Her hand is still dangerously close to Rafe’s waistband. I raise a single eyebrow giving her one last opportunity to move. 

She doesn’t. Not when Kelce calls out for her either.

Sophia made her bed. Setting my bag down, I take three big steps before I’m roughly shoving her off the couch sending her sprawling on the floor. 

Rafe let’s out a curse but makes no move to help her. At least he’s not stupid.

“Get out.” The words leave no room for negotiation.

The glare she sends me is filled with ice. “I was invited.”

Kelce lets out a groan before whispering,”Is she serious?”

The fake smile I’ve perfected over the years decorated my face as I bent down to her height on the floor. 

Flashing my engagement ring in her face. “Get out of my fucking house.”

That seems to shut her up and I watch with narrowed eyes as she struts away, Topper and Kelce in tow.

I can hear my heart pounding in my ears while my chest feels like it’s going to explode. I turn around slowly to face my damnation. 

My heels click against the marble floor and with each step I take, the more the ache in my chest grows. Marching up to Rafe, I grab his chin and force him to look at me. Those familiar glacial blue eyes are red. His pupils are blown wide and my chest cracks wide open. 

He’s high. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

This is what he wanted to do instead of being there for me. Instead of supporting me. Instead of loving me. 

Dying would be less painful.

 I stare directly into those eyes, searching for an answer, wondering when the love he felt for me slowly became indifference.

I’d almost rather there be a mistress rather than this cold indifference.

“Did you have fun at least?” My words are soft but the intention is anything but. 

He says nothing. Instead Rafe studies me like I’m a wounded animal. 

Dark. Beautiful. Cruel. 

Those are the words I’d use to describe the man in front of me. The gaze that once felt like a soft caress on my skin now felt clinical. 

“It seems like you’re having fun.” I quip, flicking the small bag filled with familiar white powder. 

I thought I could fix him. I will not make that mistake again.

“I completely forgot-“

“How?” I ask. 

His eyes narrow like he’s trying to figure me out. “Work got insanely busy. You know how it is. Even if I own the place, I’m young and the older guys don’t respect me.”

“It was in your work calendar.” 

“No, it wasn’t-“

“It was also on your personal calendar and our joint one. I had your assistant send you a reminder email. So my question is how?” My voice wobbled and it was only by a small miracle that I didn’t throw something in his face. “How did you forget the only thing I’ve asked you for?” 

Something flickered in his eyes. “It wasn’t intentional. It slipped my mind.”

“Something I worked so hard to accomplish just slipped your mind?” Exhaustion has finally got the better of me and I finally let him see just how much he’s managed to chip away. 

“I should have been there for you and I’m so sorry,” His throat flexed a hard swallow. “But there will be other dinners.” 

The dull ache in my chest thrummed harder. Rafe was brushing this off, just like he always did. My skin flushed. 

At my silence, he braces his elbows on his knees and leans forward, tracking my every move. “I feel like you’re not understanding me.”

“No, I understand you just fine. It just wasn’t important enough for you.”

He stilled. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Of course it wasn’t what he meant but he’s managed to make me feel so insignificant. So small. 

“I know that you’ve canceled most of our dates for work. Even an anniversary once. I know that you missed the grand opening of the shelter that I spent a year and half planning.” I force the words out, each breath I take feeling like needles. “I asked for this one thing, Rafe and you couldn’t even give me that.” 

“What about everything I have given you? This house, the car you drive in, the clothes on your back, the boat?”

It’s like I’m staring at 16 year old Rafe again. To him, material things were the equivalent to love. He couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I find that I was much happier when I had little to nothing, than I am now, sitting here with everything, in my gown and jewels. 

“I didn't ask for any of those things.” By the stubborn gleam in his eyes, I knew he was going to fight me on everything. 

Lately, his tactic was always combative and it was easier to give in or to not say anything at all. 

 “No, but you took them all the same. I fucked up, I get that. I know what this shelter means to you, but that doesn’t change the fact that you wouldn’t even have it if it weren’t for me.”

A familiar buzzing filled my ears. His words were ugly but they weren’t a lie. Even my project was his. I had nothing of my own.

I wonder how many other people came to the same revelation. Maybe that’s why so many of them asked where he was? Because this accomplishment wasn’t mine, no clearly it was his.

There is not enough room in my chest for the ache he caused. 

Words can’t seem to make it to my lips. I think my brain has finally broken and realizes that no words I say will get him to change. 

Smoothing out my dress, I stand on shaky legs before kicking off my heels. He can keep them. With that, I leave him out on the porch and make a beeline towards our his room. 

Opening the closet doors, I reach for the suitcase before setting it on the bed. I wasn’t going to be like Mrs. Dune and waste away beside a man that used to love me, hoping that one day he will once more. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” The words are hard and low. 

Rafe stands at the door, his arms crossed over his chest. His face is brewing with several emotions I can't quite place. 

It was funny. I haven't seen this much emotion from him in months.

I ignore him and toss some clothes from my dresser into the open suitcase, making sure to grab only the clothes I needed.

I slowly take off each piece of jewelry and set it on my vanity. He can keep everything he so gloriously mentioned he bought. 

“You loved me once.” I state, tilting my head to the side. I rake over every detail of his face, knowing I’ll never forget it. 

I loved him once too. 

His face morphed to one of confusion before disbelief. “I still love you. That’s never changed.” 

I shake my head. “Yes, it has.”

Rafe stalks towards me, his hand reaching to burl around my neck while the other pulls me to him by my waist. Familiar cologne fills my lungs and I count to ten mentally. It was the same cologne I bought him when we first started dating. 

“I work too much, I know. That’s my fault and I’ll cut back. I’ll be home more and we can spend time together. I’ll do better.” Taking my chin between two fingers, he forces my eyes to his. I see the sincerity in his eyes but I know how this goes. 

The same way it’s gone the last two times. He’ll beg me to stay, promise to change, and things will be good for a month before he slowly starts missing dates or canceling trips we’ve planned months before. Then the cycle repeats. 

“No.” It was time to love myself. Since he clearly couldn’t do it. I will not allow myself to get lost in him again. 

“Baby, just wait. Will you wait-“ He huffs as I try to move around him. No such success as his towering body has me moving back and suddenly I’m caged in by his arms. “Just give me a second, okay?”

“I’ve given you years. I won’t give you another second.” 

“Talk to me.” His voice breaks. “Please just talk to me.”

Longing filled my body. Words I’ve been waiting to hear for months come so easily to him, but only when I already have one foot out the door.

 “I’m alone.” The words come out strangled. “ I’m alone in this. I have been for a long time.”

“What do you mean? Baby, I’m right here.” Rafe’s gripping onto me tighter, almost like he’s ensuring I don’t leave. “I’m right here.”

“You're never here. That’s exactly my point.” 

Rafe’s eyes widen before he shakes his head wildly, staring at me like I’m speaking another language. “That’s not true-“

“What’s today?”

“What?” 

“What’s today?” I repeat, my eyes never leaving his. I want to see every emotion that storms in his eyes, just to remind myself that he is capable of emotion after all. 

“Friday.” 

I smile at him sadly. Exactly my point. “I haven't seen you since Tuesday.” 

“No, that can’t be right. I was with you when we had lunch with-“ He breaks off, reaching for his phone in his pocket. I watch as he pulls up his calendar, an action that mortifies me, and confirms our scheduled date.

 “Tuesday.” He whispers, shocked even. 

I wasn’t. Rafe had to check his calendar to confirm that last time he’s seen his fiancé. 

“You used to come bring me lunch. If you were more than a couple hours, you always found your way to me or gave me a call that you’ll be late.” I shrugged, blinking back the tears stinging my eyes. “Now, I don’t think I’d get a call if you were in the hospital.”

The buzzing in my ears intensifies.

 “You didn’t tell me any of this. None of how you were feeling and you're ready to walk out the door without so much as an argument.” A spark of my old Rafe appears as frustration dances across his face.

“I should have-“

“You’re giving up.” He states, shaking his head in anger. 

Maybe I was. “I’m tired of fighting for us. You gave up a long time ago.” 

Large hands curl around my cheeks, pulling me towards his face. Rafe rests his forehead on mine, his piercing blue eyes darting across my face in panic. 

“I love you. I love you.” He knows he’s grasping at straws, but we feel like strangers now. The words don’t feel like they used to. “You know I love you.”

 “This isn’t how I want to be loved, Rafe. I see you every couple days, the only time we’re ever together is when we have sex.” We lost sight of how we once were. The only thing that remained good between us was sex. 

That alone isn’t healthy. He goes to open his mouth but I cut him off.

“We never talk and when we do, you don’t even listen to me. Your brain is always somewhere else.” 

“I’m in a relationship with a ghost. I’m not letting you suck the life out of me anymore.” My eyes catch the sparkling ring that once brought me such happiness. Now, it simply feels like a ball and chain. 

Before I can convince myself otherwise, I start to tug it off my finger when Rafe truly begins to panic. 

“Don’t do that. Please don’t do that.” I try to hand it to him but Rafe jolts back like he’s been burned. The look he gives my empty hand is nothing short of destroyed.

I think I’m going to throw up. His words are laced with raw grief that makes it hard for me to breathe.

“Put it back on.” I hear the slight tremble in his voice.

“No.” My lips wobble. 

“Please put it back on because if you don’t that means we’re over. That’s not us. We aren’t supposed to end.”

“Rafe, don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“You’re ripping my fucking heart out of my chest. This isn’t anywhere near hard, it’s excruciating.” Rafe’s hand is notably shaking, but he tries to hide it by clenching and unclenching his palms. 

“Welcome to the last year of my life.” The words are brutal but he needs to hear them. 

“You promised me we’d never end.” 

“You promised to change. I guess we both lied.”

Rafe raises his voice, his arms thrown up in the air in clear distress, “How can you just stand there?”

It was a miracle I haven’t collapsed on my shaky legs yet. The adrenaline pumping though my veins was the only thing getting me through this torture. “Rafe, stop it.”

“You talk about indifference?” Rafe lets out a humorless laugh, shaking his head up at the ceiling. “Who’s heartless now, baby?”

“You don’t get to put this on me. I’ve given you years of my life, showered you with nothing but love and support. I asked for one night, one fucking night, in your busy schedule and you didn’t bother to show up, or send a simple text.” I intake a sharp breath, pushing the hair out of my face with a shaky hand. “Instead, you threw a party in our home and got high.”

I point a finger at his chest, staring at him with open heartbreak. “I needed you,” The tightness in my chest finally pops as I choke on a loud sob, “I needed you and you weren’t there.”

“I lost sight of what’s important to me. I’m just trying to give you everything-” I cut him off. 

Grabbing the clothes I haphazardly tossed in the suitcase, ”You want this? Take it,” I shove them into his chest, “Take all of it. I don’t want it. I’d give this all away in a heartbeat if it meant I could have you back.”

I meant every word. I wanted my best friend back, the person I confided in and depended on. I wanted our late nights back watching trashy reality TV. We used to sit in the bathtub together basking in each other's company. Went on walks along the beach or took the boat out for hours, fucking on the deck, not caring that anyone could see. 

It used to be simple. He loved me and I loved him. 

“I’m angry, baby.I’m so damn angry all the time. At my fucking dad for always having these impossible expections. Then he goes and dies, leaving me without a clue on how to manage everything.” Rafe sags against the wall, exhaustion marring his features, his blue eyes pleading for me to understand. “I feel like I’m drowning all the time.”

I had no idea this was how he was feeling. But, he never let me in. “You could have told me, we’re supposed to be partners in this. You asked me to marry you!”

I think deep down I know that he felt me slipping through his fingers at one point. He could see clearly how unhappy I’ve become and that’s why he proposed. And maybe just like him, I thought the proposal could fix us. This proposal was being manipulated on both ends, it was doomed from the start.

You can’t fix what’s already broken. 

“My head has basically been a war zone and I’m losing. The only thing keeping me sane is that I know, when I walk through that door,” he points to our bedroom door, “I’m going to find you in our bed. Every. Single. Night.” 

“I can’t let the ugly touch you.” My heart splits into two at his words. Words I know feel like acid leaving his mouth. “You’re the only thing I have left.”

“Then you should have taken better care of me. You should have let me take care of you.” 

“Fuck,” He screams, bending down and swiping the lamp clean of the nightstand. The lamp goes flying into the wall, shattering into hundreds of pieces and my eyes are drawn to them. I can’t help but think it reminds me of us.

Dragging my eyes back to his, I fight the urge to wrap him in my arms. Seeing him in pain has never brought me joy, but this was brutal. His eyes shined with unmistakable tears, realizing the strength of my resolve. 

There was no going back this time. There was no trying again. I didn’t have another try in me. 

I grip onto the fabric of my dress moving towards him, my heart pounding out of my chest. He moves instantly, holding out his hand to guide me over the shattered lamp. Why couldn’t he be like this months ago?

Why did he let it get this bad? Why couldn’t he love me?

Now, standing in front of him, I let myself one deep breath, basking in the comforting smell of him. A large hand curls around my neck, his grip strong and firm, demanding my attention. His blue eyes are daunting and so intense, I find myself fighting the urge to look away.

“I’m going to get you back.”

”Take it, Rafe.” I whisper, uncurling his limp hand, “Take it. It doesn’t mean what I want it to.”

Tears blur my vision as I fumble with the ring he refuses to take.

 Rafe shakes his head, clenching his jaw tightly. “There’s no point in taking it off if it’s gonna go right back there in a couple weeks. ”

I can’t help but smile at the determination in his voice. He sounds like the old Rafe and for a second I see a glimmer of who he used to be.

 He had me. Then he lost me. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

“If spending the next few months without you means that I get to spend a lifetime with you, I can manage. I’ll do whatever I have to.  But don’t think for a second that there is anyone else on this entire fucking planet meant for you.”

That’s how I want to be loved. Too little too late.

I drop the ring.

[fandomxpreferences]

Two Lines, Two Idiots Chapter One: Knock, Knock. You Knocked Me Up

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Twin Brother JJ! x Maybank! Reader, rafe Cameron! x maybank!reader (all over 18)

TW:unplanned pregnancy, angst, violence, drugs, I think thats it

Summary: You should have listened better in health class.

Word Count:1.4k

A/N: New series alert! Love that for me

There are a lot of worst-case scenarios that you're prepared for. It comes with the territory of being a Maybank. You tend to overthink and plan for things to go sideways. But this? This is nowhere close to being on that list. 

Not only are you staring down at two pink lines, but the father is quite possibly the last person on the planet you thought you would do this with. Perhaps he should be the first person you think about, but the only man on your mind is JJ.

He's going to be livid; it's bad enough his twin sister is knocked up. Who you got knocked up by is flat-out traitorous. He doesn't even know you've been seeing somebody, which is hurtful in its own right.

You excused your secret by convincing yourself there's nothing to tell; it's nothing serious. A friends with benefits situation, nothing more. At least it was.

Now, you don't know what it's going to be. You know for certain he's not ready to have a kid, and most definitely not with you.

You toss the test in the trash and wipe your eyes, deciding it's best to keep this to yourself until you know what you want to do. You aren't sure how far along you are, but if you had to guess you'd say about eight weeks.

Usually, you're careful, but one night in the Twinkie you threw caution to the wind, and now you're paying the price. 

You rejoin JJ, Sarah, and Kie by the hot tub, scrunching up your nose at the pungent scent of marijuana. You figure you probably shouldn't be around it anymore, but you can't really come out and say that. Instead, you try to keep your distance and breathe in as much fresh air as possible. 

Pope and John B are off doing something for Heyward and you're glad. JJ knows you well, but being your brother clouds his sight sometimes. John B on the other hand is your best friend and would know something is up immediately. 

You politely refuse when your brother tries to hand you the joint and he frowns. 

"Since when do you refuse getting high?"

You momentarily panic before smoothing out your features and recovering. 

"Just don't feel well."

It's a lame excuse and JJ rolls his eyes. 

"Well, weed will help. Here."

He pushes it toward you again and you lurch back, nearly tumbling off the edge of the tub in the process. 

"What are you pregnant or something? Just take a hit so he'll leave you alone."

Kie laughs as she says it, but falls silent when she notices the way your eyes widen slightly. So much for keeping it a secret.

Sarah seems to notice as well, shock covering her features as her eyes dart to your stomach. 

"Wait.."

Your mouth gapes as you try to come up with a lie, but your mind goes blank and you know there's no way out of this. 

Based on JJ's lack of reaction, you know he wasn't listening and you silently plead with the girls not to push it. They're too far gone, their minds hazy and reeling at the newfound information. 

"Y/N, are you pregnant?"

This seems to catch your brother's attention, and his head whips to look at you. 

His eyebrows furrow as he mistakes your panicked expression for one of confusion and he turns to face the girls. 

"Come on, Sarah. Give her some credit. My sister is stupid but she isn't dumb. Right, sis?"

He's looking at you again, and you can't help the tears that burn your waterline. 

"I-um.."

You watch as realization washes over him, his high dissipating as the secret is revealed.

"Oh my god. By who?!"

He's one octave below yelling, and you shush him harshly. 

"He doesn't know yet, okay? Just don't tell anyone, especially John B."

They all share a look at your request, the wheels turning as they all come to the same conclusion. John B is the father. 

JJ wants to press for more information, but the tears slipping down your cheeks stop him in his tracks. He pulls you into him, whispering sweet reassurances in your ear as he thinks about how he's going to beat the shit out of his best friend. 

In a sick joke from the universe, you hear the Twinkie pull up and aggressively dry your face. John B is laughing as he approaches, but his expression falls when he sees your swollen eyes. 

"What's going on?" 

His voice is laced with genuine concern, and it makes your stomach turn. You feel terrible keeping this from him, you're just not ready to face it yet. 

He ignores the way Sarah and Kie avoid eye contact, and does his best not to ask what the fuck JJ's problem is as he stares daggers at the side of his face. His attention is solely on you, a gentle hand coming up to cup your cheek. 

"What's wrong, sunshine?" 

You almost wince at the sweet nickname he reserves just for you, and despite your efforts to cover it up, he notices anyway. Hurt flashes in his eyes and he drops his hand, unsure what the sudden change in attitude is.

You've never once shied away from him, and he wracks his brain trying to figure out what he did wrong. He doesn't get the chance, watching as you stand abruptly and head inside. 

You stop suddenly and turn to face him.

"Can I borrow the Twinkie?"

He hands you the keys without hesitation, deciding it's best not to push his luck with questions. They all watch as you stalk off toward the van, and as soon as you're out of sight, JJ's hand is ripping him backward. 

He barely registers the violent movement before a fist is colliding with his cheek. He stumbles back and stares at JJ in shock.

"What the fuck was that for?!"

JJ is about to swing again when Kie pulls him back.

"J, don't."

John B is rubbing his face, still recovering from the blow, as his wild eyes dart between his three friends. 

"What the fuck is going on?!"

This only seems to anger JJ more and he lunges forward, barely restrained by Sarah and Kie. 

"My sister? Really, John B?"

His voice cracks from the sheer volume of his scream and John B takes a step back. 

"What about her?"

He's genuinely never been more lost than he is at this moment. Between your tears and JJ's rage, he's clueless.

"You got her fucking pregnant!"

John B's face contorts as he processes the statement and Sarah shoves JJ back. 

"JJ! That's not your place to tell him!"

John B runs a hand through his hair, only half the information sinking in. 

"Sunshine is pregnant?" 

JJ growls and takes a step forward, Pope now assisting in holding him back.

"Don't fucking call her that."

It takes a minute for him to catch up, but when he does, John B scowls. 

"Wait, did you say I got her pregnant?"

JJ laughs humorlessly, unamused by his friend's act of innocence. 

"Yeah, dickhead."

John B takes a step forward with his hands out, and JJ falters at the honesty in his friend's eyes. 

"JJ, man listen to me. I swear on my life, I have never even looked at her that way, let alone slept with her. She's like a sister. So unless she's the virgin Mary, it's not mine."

Everyone looks at each other as JJ goes lax, and they loosen their hold. 

"Then who's the father? If two plus two is four, and four plus four is eight, then what the fuck is this? The math isn't mathing."

Meanwhile, you're sweating bullets as your heart pounds in your chest. You weren't planning on doing this so soon, but with JJ knowing, it won't be long until he figures it out. 

You take a deep breath, doing your best not to puke as you turn into the long driveway. You pray no one else is home; the last thing you need is more people's opinions right now. 

Your legs tremble beneath you as they carry you to the front door and you take a deep breath as you knock twice. Your knees are seconds from giving out when the door swings open to reveal those blue eyes and that cocky smirk. 

"Back for more?"

His face drops when he sees the state you're in, and he ushers you inside. 

"What's wrong? Did someone hurt you? I'll kill them." 

You cut off his rambling with a featherlight grip on his forearm and he turns to face you. 

"No one hurt me, Rafe. Can we talk?"

[sugarcoatedstarkey]

Tear Stained Pillow Case - p3

Pairings - Drew Starkey x Fem!reader

Summary- reader tries to move on.

Warnings- language, over the clothes grinding, female orgasm. (18+)

Part 2 Incase you missed it

You had your first date, it was strange. The guy was nice but he wasn’t special, his touch didn’t send shivers down your spine. His lips were rough and sloppy against yours, you found yourself thinking back to the way Drew kissed.

He put his whole body into it, his hands would cradle the back of your head and his lips would mold against yours, goosebumps would litter your skin when his tongue slipped between your lips. You’d taste him on your tongue for weeks after he left.

You tried not to think back to Drew during the date but it was hard, you were so used to the way he did things. Pulling your chair out for you, offering you his jacket, rubbing his thumb against your hand. You missed it.

You never spoke to the guy you went on a date with again, 4 weeks had gone by and you had been set up on another date by a friend. Pushing the negative thoughts to the back of your mind, you need to move on.

You found yourself bored, tapping your fingers on your knee as you listened to the man in front of you talk about his job. Who knew being an accountant was such a bore.

Your eyes wandered over his shoulder, your breath catching in your throat as you made eye contact with Drew. He gives you a soft smile, pulling himself to stand.

Panic bubbles in your chest as your eyes fall back on your date and then back to Drew who was walking towards you now, grabbing the edge of the table to stop yourself from getting up.

“What’s wrong?” Your date questions, reaching his hand over to pat your own.

“Hi y/n”

Both your eyes look up to Drew who towers over the small candlelit table, your date looks back to you for a brief second. “I thought you two were over?”

“Wait… how did you know about him?”

“Bella said that you two broke up… I did some research”

“You looked us up online?” Drew questioned, brows creased together at your date. You shot him a look, as though to tell him to shut up.

“We are broken up”

“About that”

“Drew!”

“I think… I’m just going to leave, here mate” your date pulls himself to stand and grabs his jacket. “Take my seat”.

You watch your date leave, turning your attention back to Drew who sat opposite you with a grin. “I’m leaving”.

You go to stand as your waiter steps to your table, placing down both plates. “Enjoy”.

“Come on y/n… eat first”

He gives you puppy dog eyes, the eyes that could make a girl weak at the knees. You take a seat again and stare down at your pasta, you are hungry. You would eat your meal and then leave.

“You look good”

“Thanks”

“I’ve missed you”

“Drew… please”

“Okay okay… let’s eat”

You both sit in silence, the sound of the chatter around you buzzed through your ear drums. Chewing on your pasta, you can feel his eyes on you every so often. Your own eyes gliding over his body, taking in the purple shadowing under his eyes. He looked thinner, tired.

“Drew” he looks up at you, mouth full of salad. “Are you okay?”. You didn’t want to know the answer truthfully, worried he was unwell.

“Not really” your heart begins to race, every possible scenario running through your head. Gulping down the food you had been chewing on. “y/n please come back to our place, I need to speak to you”.

The mention of your home has goosebumps rising on your skin, you grabbed the napkin and wiped your mouth. Reaching for your bag, you couldn’t do this.

“Please… please don’t leave” he begs, he’s already standing. Grasping your hand that clenched around your purse, taking a deep breath you meet his eyes.

“I don-“

He cuts you off, tucking the loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Please”

You find yourself nodding, letting him pull you out of the restaurant not before passing a hundred dollar bill to the waiter. Silence followed you both, walking towards his car.

He does what he has done a million times before and opens the door for you, the familiar butterflies swarm your belly. You offer him a soft smile and step into the car.

A sudden wave of nervous nausea hits you, gripping the seatbelt that hugged your body. You weren’t sure this was the right thing to do, still torn between forgiving him and cutting all contact with him.

You still loved him, loved him so much your heart physically cried for him at night. But him kissing Odessa really fucked you up, you dreamt about the two of them together for months.

“Hey”

Your head snaps to his direction, all negative thoughts out of the window. His eyes are soft, lips quirked into a smile. You watch as he hops out of the car, turning your head to take in your old neighborhood .

Memories punch you in the face, tears welling behind your eyes. You bit down on your tongue to stop yourself from crying, stepping out of the car when Drew held it open for you.

Luckily the street was empty, you both were able to get inside without the old lady next door noticing the two of you. No doubt having a lot of questions of where you had been.

It still smelt the same, ornaments still in the same place. Photos scattered on several bookcases untouched, your blanket still placed on the sofa.

“I haven’t been here since…” Drew’s voice brings you back to the present, you nod your head, unable to trust your words. “I’ll get us some water”.

You find yourself taking a seat on the sofa, running your hands against the material, breathing in the scent of your once happy home. “I get someone in to clean the place every fortnight, so the dust doesn’t accumulate”.

“Drew”

“I’m not selling the place, it’s ours”

You cast your eyes down to the water that has appeared in your hands, staring at the cup you always drank from. Biting your lip you look up at Drew, he’s watching you intently.

“y/n… I’m so sorry, I should have fought for us, I should have been a better boyfriend…”

His hand has grasped yours now, pulling your body closer to his. He’s holding you, breathing in your scent. Your own nose buried into his neck, your favorite cologne invading your nostrils.

“Please, please forgive me… I will do anything, I will-“

You cut him off, pulling away from him and distance yourself by stretching your arms out, palms pressed firmly to his chest.

“How did you know where I was tonight?”

“I didn’t”

“So why were you there?”

You expect him to say meeting him with Odessa, everything always goes back to her.

“I’ve been going every Saturday since we broke up…. It’s your favorite place, I was hoping you’d turn up one day”

“What”

“y/n… I’ve been going to all your favorite places, hoping we would run into each other. You wouldn’t answer my calls, I wasn’t going to turn up at your parents… I wasn’t going to bring drama into your sisters life”

“Drew”

Your heart warms, you let him pull you back into his chest. His fingers stroking your back, your lips press to his collarbone, you feel him tense for a moment.

He kisses your hair, tightening his arms around you. “I promise, I will do better.. I will never work with Odessa again, I will quit acting”

“Drew! No… you will not quit.”

“If it means I can have you back… I’ll quit”

You're holding his head between your hands and kissing him, ignoring the nagging in the back of your mind not to jump back into things. You missed the taste of him, the familiar ache you hadn’t felt in so long settles in your lower belly.

His fingers run through your hair, your legs have a mind of their own as they wrap around his waist. Settling your bum into his lap, he pulls you in closer until your chest touches his. “I’ve missed this” he mumbled against your lips.

You kiss for what feels like hours, but really it’s only been a few minutes. You pull away, breathless, lips tingling from his stubble. “You're so beautiful”.

You're kissing again, this time your hips move against his. Causing a delicious friction between the two of you, his throbbing cock presses against his jeans.

You let out a gasp when your clit nudges it, his fingers grip your hips. Pulling you down against him, you don’t stop your movements. Letting that tingle bleed through your veins, his hands help you move slower but harder, your fingernails digging into the flesh of his neck.

You find yourself reaching for the bottom of his shirt but his hands stop you. “Let’s not rush this..”

“Oh”

Your movements stop, embarrassment floods you. Cheeks tinting a shade of cherry red, you fumble to pull yourself away but he holds you tighter. “Hey, hey pretty girl… that’s not what I meant. Let me help you another way”

He brings you back to his lap, moving your hips against his once again, he shuffles himself so his hard cock pressed firmly against your mound. “Oh!”

“Like that baby girl” he lets out a groan, his cock aching to feel your around him. His fingers pressed harder into your hips.

You hold onto his shoulders and let your hips move against him, he continues to guide you along. Staring up at your scrunched nose, he pulls you down to kiss you again. “You like that?”

“Mhm!”

Your panties are soaked, pussy clenching around nothing as your swollen clit rubs against him. You want to pull the material away, feel his throbbing cock against your folds. But he’s right, you shouldn’t rush into anything.

“Oh god” you cry, your head feels hot and that tingle spreads throughout your body. Hips meeting him a bit rougher now, chasing that familiar high you hadn’t felt in months. “Let go baby… cum in those pretty panties of yours”

His words edge you closer, dropping your forehead to his. He kisses you again, tongue nudging into your mouth. Your arms wrap around his neck as he grinds up against your mound, your crying out into his mouth.

Euphoria, there is a buzzing in your ear. Toes curled as your orgasm hits you, you don’t want this feeling to end. Grinding your hips into his rougher and faster until the pleasure fades and your left feeling embarrassed again.

“Oh god”

You're jumping off him and running to the bathroom, locking it behind you, tears fall from your eyes when you see all of your things scattered in the bathroom still, just how you left it.

“y/n”

His knuckles tap softly in the wooden door, you don’t want to open it. You don’t want to face him.

“Please baby… open the door”

You splash water on your face and turn to unlock the door, he steps in and closes it behind him. Wrapping his arms around your waist, the two of you stare at each other in the mirror.

“Please let me show you how much I need you.. I’m so sorry for everything… let me work for it, please take me back, I can’t live without you, you're my everything, the reason I breathe, the reason I live.”

You stare at him for a moment, you can’t live without him either. But could you trust him, could you forgive him and move forward.

“Okay” you whisper, his arms tighten around you. Pulling you closer to his chest, a sigh of relief emits from his lips. He leaves a soft peck to your shoulder.

“I will be better, I will show you how much I love you, I will make this better”.

🏷️- @vigilanteshitposting @pedrisgatorade @drewstarkeysleftfoot @cameronmedia @users09 @teresalesbian @outerbankspov @bbycowboi @stuffyownswrld @ietss @tastycakee @maybankslover @loverofdrewstarkey @wpdailyminimeta @willowpains @littlefirefly08 @brooklynscherry-z @imnotapretzelsstuff @ijustwanttoreadlols @its-ria-07 (I tagged a few people who commented on the last part, lmk if you don’t want me to tag you in the next part)

(If you’d like to be added to the taglist for this series please lmk otherwise here is where you can be added to my general taglist for all fics)

[rafeysbafey]

Happy Valentine’s Day!<3

pogue!readerxrafe

you sat on your bed flipping through magazines as you hummed a random tune, eyes skimming through the pages as you waited patiently for your boyfriend to get back.

you guys were in a heated make out session when all of a sudden his phone pinged, causing him to leave abruptly claiming he’d be right back.

you felt a knot in your stomach form, your insecurities getting the best of you as you nervously thought of all the ways rafe could be cheating on you.

you were a pogue living on the cut, the unlikely dynamic between you and the kook king shocking pretty much everyone.

but through all your worries, rafe was always there to assure you he only wanted one thing and one thing only, and that was you.

all of a sudden you heard the front door open and close, footsteps coming up the stairs as you quickly tossed your magazine to the side.

the door opened to reveal your smiling boyfriend, hands behind his back as he made his way into your room.

“that was quick,” you commented, moving your legs to sit criss cross as you approached you, stopping at the edge of the bed.

“close your eyes,” he said, catching you off guard but nonetheless you still did as told.

you felt him take your hand before wrapping a cold material around it, not taking you long to figure out it was a bracelet.

when he told you to open your eyes, you were surprised to see your favorite flowers in his hand.

“rafe, what’s going on?” you asked, confusion in your voice but the smile on your face was telling a different story.

you suddenly remembered what he put on your wrist and looked down to see a dainty bracelet with the letter ‘r’ looped in.

“will you be my valentine?”

you looked up to see a nervous smile on his face, which caught you off guard considering how rafe was never nervous.

unbeknownst to you, this was the first time rafe had done this.

you were the first serious relationship he’s had, everyone else being hookups and random flings that he couldn’t care less for.

“of course, rafey,” you smiled, trying to fight back the tears since this was the first time you’ve been asked to be someone’s valentine.

“oh thank god,” he huffed out in relief, causing you to giggle as he placed the flowers down gently on your night stand.

he then took you by the legs and picked you up to straddle his waist while standing, his lips kissing yours ever so softly as you melted into his touch.

“i love the bracelet,” you smiled against him, leaning back to run your hands through his messy hair.

“i would hope so, i got the text earlier that it was ready and couldn’t wait to pick it up.”

so that explains it, you thought, relief washing over you as you brought him into another kiss.

[boysssofthemonth]

Unavoidable tragedy | Rafe Cameron

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader Genre: Angst, angst angst Warnings: Some light swearing Words: 2000

"Rafe.." you said carefully watching as the boy before you paced back forth. Hands holding his head up as the posture he so strongly attempted to retain crumbled into pieces. Nothing could prepare you for the storm that was about to strike.

A cold breeze drifted through the four walls of his bedroom. You were unsure whether you had actually felt the breeze, having observed no open windows or doors, or simply the atmosphere dropping had something to do with chills running up and down your spine.

Rafe continued to grumble under his breath, unmistakably, in an anxious condition. You could make out a few of his words, as if he'd been muttering "this isn't how it was supposed to go".

"Rafe," you tried again. This time more firm and the shakiness of the previous attempt hidden behind your false bravery. Rafe whipped his head towards you, his arms fell to his sides, but he continued the pacing he had been doing the past five minutes.

"What?" he snapped, one jab at your heart, "what, y/n." He said your name with such disdain. Another jab at your heart.

"Please, sit down. Let's talk this out," you pleaded. Rafe stood still, but your heart reached out to him, as you watched his body tremble. He was right, this was not how it was supposed to go. None of this was planned, or even a part of the life you envisioned for yourself.

Falling in love? Yes, that was always a dream. As a little girl, witnessing the tremendous affection and plentiful joy that your mother received from your father was enough to have you yearning for such divine love. But falling in love with Rafe Cameron? The man most feared, but most envied in town. The man, who just seven months ago, was terrorising civilians who lived on the same side of town as you. The man who wouldn't even dare bat an eye in your direction, let alone confess his undying love to you.

None of this was supposed to happen, and yet it did.

Somehow, somewhere in the universe, your stars alined. Your paths crossed, and Rafe fell so madly, and deeply in love with the girl who had little but so much to give to the broken and battered boy.

"Talk this out?" Rafe's body turned towards you. His eyes filled with tears, something you, nor anybody for that matter, could say they would have ever witness.

"What else can you possibly say? You want to end things? Okay. We're done. That's it." His voice was charged with so much hatred and poison, every bit of despise striking you.

"The door is that way, you know the way out," Rafe pointed towards the door and gulped as a bead of sweat fell down his forehead. Despite the shivers, your hands begun to sweat.

"Rafe,"

"Don't. You broke up with me, and that's it. There's nothing else for us to say."

"This isn't how I want to end things, Rafe."

"Are you crazy? Is everything about you?" He looked at you exasperatedly. "What about me? Huh? You've been feeling like this for weeks and you don't tell me about it, yet you have the nerve to break up with me and want to talk about it now? That's honestly fucked up, and you're crazy to think I'd want to speak to you about this."

He was right. Rafe was always right about things. Rafe was nothing but sweet and affectionate towards you throughout the four months you were together. You were finally receiving the love that you dreamt of since being a child.

Rafe took you out to fancy dinners, and bought you nice gifts. But Rafe never complained when you wanted to sit at the beach and read for hours. He never complained when your ideal date meant going for walks through the town and people watching. Or ditching his friends at the island club so that he could help you take care of your sick mother.

Rafe was every bit of the lover and gentleman that you had always envisioned in a life partner. Despite his past, and the stories you had heard about him, you continued to see him through the tough demeanour. You broke through his walls, cracked every bit of defence he installed, and found the broken boy. A boy who had so much love to give, but nobody there to give it to. A boy who envied his little sister because the only person he'd ever really wanted to see him, and really see him, was his father. But even he felt that he could never be good enough, because his father only worried about his sisters.

But he met you, and something inside of him changed. He no longer pursued his father's attention. Because now he could show somebody who he really was, and have that warmth and closeness reciprocated.

After some time, the rumours and the disappointment from the people living in figure 8 had begun to circle your mind. Every day you found yourself comparing appearances and monetary value to those who were just like Rafe. You noticed the differences in your lives, and every day you felt yourself become more and more distant.

You were very much aware of what people thought of you, and your relationship with Rafe. His father and step-mother were no different to those against your relationship. You aspired to be liked and someone that Rafe could be proud to show to his peers. But if his own family struggled to even look you in the eyes, then the future was not looking to be in your favor.

It was an everyday struggle, trying to live up to the unattainable expectations of Rafe's family. Never truly acquiring their approval. Supposedly, you were just like Rafe. Pining after the approval and validation from his father, but that in itself had proven to be an unachievable task.

Rafe knew first-hand just how strict and narrow-minded his father and step-mother were. But just as he was determined to express his endearment and deep affection to you, he was set on proving to his family that you belonged. Rafe was always understanding of how you felt, but you promised him that the opinions of others could never influence how you felt for him.

Until a couple of weeks ago, after overhearing Rafe's father and step-mother talking about you. Words that you could never say to anybody yourself as you knew just how hurtful they could be. They talked down on you, your family and how much you had changed Rafe, who was supposed to take over the family company.

Rafe had confessed to you, on multiple occasions, that taking over the company was the last thing he'd ever want. Going to college, getting a degree in something unrelated to business, and living out his life just like every other normal boy his age. That's what he yearned. Time and time again he would contest with his father over his own future.

But Ward blamed you for this change. Although you had only ever supported Rafe in his ambitions, never once having had any influence on his future endeavours.

It was too much. Life on figure 8 was not for you, and whilst you struggled on the cut, at least you felt at home. You were accepted.

You knew you'd never be the girl that Rafe could take home to his parents proudly. You couldn't be the girl that Rafe could parade in town without the dirty looks from others.

But Rafe never cared about that. His love for you was infinite and all he could ever ask for was to have you by his side. He didn't care if his parents never approved, as long as you were with him.

"I'm not trying to make it about myself, Rafe, but can you just hear me out?" your voice cracked, your raw emotions spilling out through every syllable. Rafe sat on a nearby chair hunched over and elbows rested on his knees. His eyes shot straight at yours. His chest heaving up and down, as if he'd just ran a mile. You could see the barriers had begun to reassemble. All your hard work to have him trust you slowly deteriorating in front of your eyes.

You took his silence as an opportunity to speak, "you have got to understand how incredibly difficult this is for me. I wish we could have worked out, and forget this all ever happened, but I can't, Rafe. Your parents despise me, the whole town looks at me like I'm an alien. I can't bear it anymore. Every day I think about how much life would be so much easier for you if I wasn't around. You and Ward would not have to constantly fight over me and you could join your family dinners again without it being so awkward and tense."

Somewhere in the middle of your spiel, a river of tears burst through your barriers. Rafe's eyes softened but you couldn't miss the intensity of his stare. It was physically painful to watch him slowly reeling into himself, shutting himself out from you.

"You think that if you weren't around my dad and I wouldn't be fighting? We fight every single day, even before you, if it's not about you it's about my schooling, it's about my friends, it's about what I'm wearing, what I'm saying, what I didn't say or do." Rafe stood up again, walking closer to you, his hands moving around as he spoke.

"My dad and I have never seen eye to eye, and yes that bothered me before, but after I met you I stopped caring. I thought that you didn't care about what they said, or anyone for that matter, and that gave me motivation to do the same. To stop caring about what my parents thought of me, I thought we were on the same boat. Why didn't you fucking tell me you were feeling this way?" Rafe was now bellowing at this point. You weren't certain if his family were around, but if they were then they for sure could hear every bit of this argument. They'd probably be celebrating your break up.

"Rafe-"

"Why didn't you fucking say anything? I trusted you to tell me, I trusted you enough to tell you what the fuck goes on in my head, and you can't do the same? We could have worked this out, we could have done something. I could have fucking reassured you, but you're fucking selfish and you only think for yourself. You don't think this is hard for me too? I hear them and I see them every day, y/n."

"I'm so sorry, Rafe," you croaked out, a river of tears flowing down your face. Rafe's face was contorted in pain and in anger. His face an angry red tone and a scowl etched onto his features.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't let what they say go, I'm sorry I didn't speak sooner. I'm sorry that I'm putting you through all of this. But if this is being selfish, then I'm sorry too. I have never felt so damn insignificant and unworthy until I step foot on figure 8. You have been so good to me, you have never been at fault, Rafe. But I can't stay here. They're brutal, and I just might not be as strong as you thought I was."

You stood up, and wiped the tears on your cheeks. Rafe looked down at you, whatever trust he had in you, completely dead and buried deep down. You waited for him to respond, but you realised that he was done. Your relationship was done. You turned your back and head straight for the exit.

Rafe's resolve collapsed the moment you closed the door. His life falling away at his very feet, and there was nothing he could do about it.

What upset him the most was that he was willing to fight, to work through the issues and get through this together. But after you so effortlessly ended things, with little to no fight, he grasped just how useless it would have been. You were set on your decision, and there was no changing that. Even if he wanted to reach out to you, to hold you close again. To feel you against his skin and have you soothe his aching heart. He couldn't do anything.