#passed out [cos it was 6am] & then spent the next 3 days working on this

[synthshenanigans]

You Sound Like Louis Burdett is a banger song I wish it was real 💔 [looking at you spotify]

skeleton-less & textless versions ✨ wahoo ✨

[lailaliquorice]

some memories never leave your bones

AO3 link

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

It’s angst time babeyyyyyyy

Jane’s turn in the SiX hurt/comfort series. Oh this one hurt my heart at times but it’s so soft, I love writing mother-hen type characters get taken care of themselves. Didn’t expect Aragon to appear in this one but I guess I’m just a sucker for soft Aragon. But Cathy Parr gets all the gold stars <3 Could be interpreted as a bit Seymour/Parr but was intended as just friendship.

To say that Jane was the mother of the Queens’ household was an understatement. The housework chart that Parr had drawn up soon after they all moved in together hadn’t lasted long before Jane ended up doing a bit of everything, though of course the other girls did their bit to help whenever she asked them too. Her days off were always spent catching up on the housework that always got forgotten during with their busy show schedules, and to be perfectly honest she didn’t trust any of the other girls to go food shopping after sending Anne and Kat one time ended up in the pair buying so many sweets that they were on a sugar high for the next 24 hours. They were allowed to come with her, but under no circumstances were they allowed to go alone.

Since it was mostly her in charge of the food, she pretty much trusted blindly that anything in the house was safe to eat. So she didn’t think twice about eating the corner shop sandwich that Anne handed her just before a matinee show upon realising she’d forgotten to bring herself a packed lunch, and it was only after she’d finished it did she catch sight of the package and realise it was three days out of date.

Without thinking she rushed into the other dressing room, waving her hands frantically when she saw Anne just about to tuck into her own sandwich. “Anne, don’t! They’ve gone off!” she shouted.

Anne just blinked at her for a moment, before putting the sandwich down and checking the packaging for herself. “Oh yeah, good save Jane,” she laughed, resealing the wrapper before throwing it across the dressing room into the bin. “I usually stock up on lunches at the start of the week, must’ve not realised they had short dates on them. Guess we’ll have to put up with stealing Cathy’s biscuits ‘til we get home then ‘cos I don’t think we’ve got time to do another food run.”

Jane hummed in agreement, not telling Anne that she hadn’t noticed in time to stop herself from eating it. It would only make the other girl feel guilty, and she was pretty confident that nothing would come of it. She’d read somewhere that most use-by-dates were overly cautious for most foods anyway. If they’d survived before refrigerators in their old lives then a single sandwich wasn’t about to bring her down.

After getting home and eating a proper dinner as normal, she was even surer of her conclusion. And after nearly two days with no symptoms at all she’d pretty much forgotten about it altogether.

When she was woken at 6am by uncomfortable cramps in her abdomen she just assumed that it was an early warning of her period approaching; Anna suffered the same and had described it as ‘her uterus playing the Jaws theme song’, which Jane had thought was a good analogy after Anna explained what the Jaws theme song was. Groaning, she sat up slowly and gave herself a minute of breathing deeply before pulling on her dressing gown to head downstairs. The morning sun was already streaming through her window but there was a chill in the air she couldn’t ignore.

As expected the kitchen was deserted – even on a show day when everyone was awake promptly she was usually the first one up. After shuffling over to the kettle to make herself a coffee to wake herself up and take some painkillers with, she rummaged around the cupboards for a hot water bottle to ease her stomach. It was usually Anne who needed one the most during that time of the month but with six girls living together they were in no short supply. Once armed with caffeine and her hot water bottle she sat down gingerly at the kitchen table to wait for the painkillers to kick in, unable to stop herself from shivering as she pulled her dressing gown tight around herself.

She was feeling no better when the first set of footsteps sounded above her, making no effort to turn towards the door as she tried to work out who it was. “Hey Jane,” said Parr’s voice a moment later.

“Morning love,” Jane said, a tight smile on her face as she looked over at her friend. “You’re up early.”

Cathy shrugged, flicking the kettle back on before leaning against the counter as she talked. “Fell asleep early so woke up early I guess. You know I don’t need much sleep,” she explained, though her yawn a second later did little to support her statement. Her sleepy smile quickly turned into a frown as Jane shivered violently, pressing the hot water bottle as close to her skin as possible. “Are you alright?” she asked, concern in her voice.

Jane nodded, arms wrapped tightly around her stomach. “I’m fine, just woke up with bad cramps that’s all.”

“Ah,” Cathy said, pulling a pitying expression. “Let me make us some breakfast then, since it’s usually you running around whenever one of us is under the weather.”

“Thanks love,” Jane sighed, unwilling to move for as long as she didn’t have to.

Aragon had joined them by the time Parr sat down with two plates of toast, giving Jane a sympathetic smile when she noticed the hot water bottle she was clutching. She was always a little softer first thing in the morning, a side of her that usually only Jane ever got to see. “Not having a good morning huh?” she asked, emptying the kettle to make her typical green tea.

“It’ll pass, don’t worry about me,” Jane said, just about returning the smile as she nibbled on her toast.

But her confidence was short-lived, as she barely managed the first slice before her stomach suddenly churned and she realised with horrible clarity that she was about to be sick. Before Parr or Aragon even had time to react she was on her feet and sprinting, just about making it to the downstairs bathroom before she was throwing up into the toilet.

Gentle hands pulling her hair back alerted her to Parr’s presence beside her, tying it out of the way as Jane continued to heave. When it was over she slumped back into Parr’s arms, breathing heavily and shaking with chills. “You’re alright, I’ve got you,” Parr murmured, taking most of Jane’s weight since she was too weak to hold herself up.

“Try and have some water,” sounded another voice, as Aragon crouched down beside them with a glass in her hands. Jane’s hands were trembling as she reached to take it, grateful for Aragon’s hands either side of hers to support her as she took a few sips.

“Do you think you can stand up?” Parr asked, and when Jane gave a tiny nod she shifted so that one hand was under her arm and the other around her back. Aragon took her other arm and together they managed to get Jane on her feet despite how much she was shaking, exhaustion tugging at her limbs now that the adrenaline had worn off. For a moment she leaned heavily on the sink, glancing briefly at her pale and miserable reflection as Parr continued to speak gently. “That’s it, take it slow. Do you want to lie down on the sofa?”

Jane shook her head, fighting her tiredness to support as much of her own weight as she could. “I’ll just go back to bed, I’ll be fine,” she said quietly.

“Are you sure? We’ll make sure the other girls can’t-“

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Aragon didn’t try to protest again after Jane’s quick interruption, only nodding as Jane took a few shaky steps away from her and Parr. Without their reassuring forms by her side she felt suddenly vulnerable but forced herself to carry on, repeating “I’ll be fine,” as she gave them an empty smile. With that she carried on away from them, clinging onto the banister with a white-knuckled grip as she climbed the stairs towards her bedroom.

The second she was across the threshold she shut the door, fighting the urge to sink to her knees until she was curled up on her mattress. Only then did she give in to the panic that had been creeping up on her since the first feeling of nausea. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she hugged her middle and sobbed silently, shaking from both fever and terror. All she could think about was the last time she could remember feeling like that, when all she wanted was to hold her son but she couldn’t do anything for the fever wracking her body and the pain in her stomach. The same pain she could feel now, twisting her insides every time she moved. In the back of her head she could hear the screams of her son and the pleas of her ladies in waiting, the memories growing stronger as her fever worsened.

It was easy to feign sleep when she heard Kat checking on her before they left for the theatre, as she’d been slipping in and out of consciousness all day and was barely coherent when the younger girl’s voice roused her out of a fitful sleep. She was unconscious again before the front door shut, dreams filled with agony and fear that were hardly lessened upon waking. The room was so hot it was almost suffocating but whenever she kicked the duvet back the air was like ice on her clammy skin. Even sitting up to drink sips of water made her feel nauseatingly dizzy, and all she could do was lie down and pray that the bed would stop spinning. Then she’d end up falling asleep again after fighting it desperately for fear she wouldn’t wake up again, and the hellish cycle would continue.

She had no idea how much time had passed before she heard her door open again, trying to still her shivers so that whoever it was would leave her to sleep again. The thought of hearing her friends crying over her now as they’d done back then was what kept her from making any movement, but as soon as the door shut she couldn’t contain the sobs that shook her frame as she curled up tighter. As much as she didn’t want anyone there she was too scared to be alone in the dark place her mind had gone to.

The mattress dipping hardly registered with her, until she felt someone press up close to her back with one hand on her arm and the other on her forehead. “Breathe with me Jane, I’ve got you,” Parr’s voice said softly, rubbing soothing circles into her shoulder as Jane continued to cry. “You’re here, you’re going to be ok.”

Jane knew she was right deep down, but panic and fear had her shaking her head as she rolled onto her back to look up at Cathy. “But this- this is how I felt when- when I-“ she choked out between frantic breaths, unable to add ‘when I died.’

But she didn’t need to finish those words for Cathy to nod, murmuring sweet nothings as Jane covered her face with her hands and let out another sob. “Shh, I know love, I thought you would,” she murmured. There was a moment of hesitation, so unlike Cathy’s usual self, before she swallowed hard and added “It’s how I died too, so believe me I know.”

The reveal was enough for Jane to look at her properly, struggling to focus her gaze on Cathy’s haunted expression. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, because she didn’t know what else to say. Cathy was the most private of them all by far, keeping secret most of the details from her past life other than what she sang about during the show, so while Jane knew she’d had a daughter and died during her infancy she had never intruded by asking how.

“It’s ok,” Cathy said, the shadows gone from her behind her eyes as if they’d never existed. Gentle fingers swept a few strands of blonde hair from her sweat-slicked forehead, a thumb rubbing over her cheek to wipe away tears as she continued. “Don’t think about that. It’s just a stomach bug, it’ll pass soon and you’re going to be fine. Nothing that happened then can hurt you now.”

That was what Jane always said to Anne and Kat when night terrors left them screaming during the night, the words familiar enough to calm the fear in her racing heart. “Sorry,” she said, sniffing again, “I just feel bad.”

Cathy’s hand disappeared for a moment before it was replaced by a damp flannel, and Jane sighed and closed her eyes with how blissfully cool it was against her fever-hot skin. “I know you do. But it won’t last, I promise.”

Jane nodded slightly. After several moments of quiet other than the sound of Cathy’s breathing, she asked “Can you stay here? I don’t think I want to be alone again.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Cathy said, her hand finding its way into Jane’s and squeezing gently.

With their linked hands anchoring her into the present and her memories banished back to where they belonged, Jane exhaled quietly as she let her friend’s reassuring presence lull her into a peaceful sleep.

[amandaandtheworld]

Universal Studios Orlando

Universal Studios lived on my bucket list for a long time. As a Harry Potter fanatic, who wouldn't want to visit the Wizarding World?? Finally, this past March, my lovely boyfriend was the one who made my dream come true.

We spent 4 days in Universal. Honestly, on day 4, we just laid in bed to recover. 3 days was plenty in the parks for us. If you wake up before park open, get an Express pass, and marathon all day, you could do it in two. They are much smaller than Disney but seriously awesome parks!

Thursday:

We woke up early for our 6am flight. After arriving at our Airbnb, we dropped our bags and headed straight for the parks. There are 2 parks in Universal Resort: Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure. The way it works is you take the Uber to guest drop off, ride up some escalators, go through security and bag check, ride the people mover into what they call City Walk, and there is a park on the right (Universal) and a park on the left (Islands). We opted for Universal on day one and I'll tell you why. The main purpose of going to Universal was to see Harry Potter World. Harry's first introduction to the world of magic was stepping into Diagon Alley, and I wanted to have that same authentic experience. Diagon Alley is on the Universal side, whereas Hogwarts is on the Islands side.

So instead of rushing through the park to Harry Potter world, we took our time admiring everything along the way. We got in line for Shrek 4D first, which was underwhelming. Not a good intro to what was to come. We had a lunch reservation at Lombards Seafood Grille (highly recommend) but we had some time to kill so we wandered our way to the Harry Potter section of the park. I entered through a regular brick building and on the other side.... Wow. What an experience. It literally took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. I can't tell you how magical it is to see that giant dragon breathing fire and people everywhere dressed in full wizards robes doing magic. You feel like you've been emersed into the movies. I never wanted to leave.

After lunch we spent another hour exploring Diagon Alley (you could spend a whole day in there!), and rode a few more rides until we were ready for dinner. After all of my research I knew I had to eat at the new Toothsome Chocolate Emporium. I expected a wait but we were seated right away. The entire ambiance was awesome and the food was incredible. So full but I just had to get one of the infamous Toothsome milkshakes. I went with Nutella, naturally.

After dinner, we were soooo exhausted from our early flight we literally went back to the Airbnb and fell asleep by 8.

Friday:

At 6am I couldn't sleep anymore so we headed to the parks and waited an hour for them to open. We decided to do Islands of Adventure. As soon as the gates opened we booked it to Harry Potter world and we got to be the first people in the park so we enjoyed the magic of Hogsmeade with no one else there, AND we were first in line for the Hogwarts ride! What I will say is it kind of sucked missing out on the Hogwarts experience because we had to run through the castle so fast.

After the ride we explored Honey Dukes, got some epic pictures, and enjoyed our very first Butterbeer! We went for the frozen and I have to say #noregrets. It was delicious!

We went from Harry Potter world to Jurassic Park. Another super cool themed section of the park! I was so impressed by the transition, it felt like a totally new world. We rode the river ride with no wait whatsoever because during that time in the morning, everyone is at Harry Potter World! I can't stress how much I recommend getting to the parks early for this reason alone. Boy, was I glad we brought ponchos! We would have been soaked.

We skipped the water rides in Toon Lagoon and headed to Marvel Superhero Island. They did such a nice job theming each section of the park. I even enjoyed the kid section, Suess' Landing! Who doesn't love Dr. Suess?

We had lunch at Cowfish on City Walk and it was incredible. Kyle wanted to go back for dinner! The food on City Walk was amazing. I would spend the extra money there over the food we had in the parks every time!!

We finished off the night by watching the light show that's displayed on Hogwarts. VERY crowded, but really beautiful. Then we rode the Incredible Hulk Coaster for the third time that day because there was no wait and the coaster is seriously awesome. The express passes came in handy because we got to ride all of the rides with no wait before noon, have lunch, and then ride all of them again with the express passes. They are hella pricey but definitely worth it.

Saturday:

Because we missed out on so much Thursday, we went back to Universal Studios (FYI... Islands of Adventure is the superior park).

We started in Springfield, home of the Simpsons. The ride there was AWFUL. I don't even get motion sickness but seriously felt like I was going to THROW UP. Then we spent some time doing magic in Diagon Alley.

We rode every ride, some twice, and had dinner on City Walk at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. It was really yummy! We got dessert at VooDoo doughnuts on City Walk and it was so hard to decide which ones to get!!

Luckily for us, we were in Universal during Mardi Gras and got lucky enough to see the Mardi Gras parade. Kyle caught me a ton of beads that I still have as our only souvineer from the trip (and they were free!!).

After the parade, we headed home and slept the next morning until it was time to pack and head home. So that was it! Our awesome trip to Universal Studios. I can't wait until the kids are old enough to enjoy it so we can go back!!

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[nekoluvz]

It's a little early but I've been thinking of my new years resolution. About how the past 2 years haven broken me and how I wanted to move on. This story is long but if you want to read go ahead.

It really started about 2 maybe 3 years ago when I started working at a fast food place in my town called roys. At first I was a cashier but later moved to kitchen. They realised that I was really good at it and was able to close kitchen earlier then most of the other workers. So they started making me close... 6 days a week. It was exhausting but I kept at it, even though I really really hated it. I got stressed where I would puke very often, I even had panic attacks that sent me home. Well I complained a lot to my family about it and around January of 2016 my dad got me into his work at a factory ( He is the top engineer ) and I got a place to run a machine.

Well I started off with training 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. 2 months and I was doing 10 hours a day for training. Very annoying but I did it. Well as soon as I passed training and got my schedule ( which was D shift ) my dad was able to get my GF the same job as me so we could work together. The job was a 12 hour shift rotation where I did one month of day shift then one month of night shift and etc.. Well things were fine and dandy, the pay was good and my GF was in training while she was promised to get on the same shift as me... well.. after training she got C shift. Which meant she worked the same days as me BUT I would work day and she would work night. It wasn't ok, in fact I was very mad because they didn't want us to get "distracted". But it was 2000$ per pay check from us and it was good money. So as months went on I started to get very very stressed. Everyone had unusually high expectations of me, like I was friggin monitored all day. I struggled a lot to keep up a good imagine for my dad even though I couldn't handle some things with the machines and would call for help. I often got scolded being told I should know what I'm doing ( there was one machine I wasn't trained on and wasn't shown how to change parts of the 2 machines ). I really hated my job at this point, the stress, the anxiety, the pure FEAR of being fired and the disappointment from my father. I felt like I was being eaten alive by my emotions, every single day I would cry having to work. My days off all I did was sleep because I was always exhausted. I couldn't see my friends, I barely saw my GF and I just felt alone. Trapped at this horrible job.

At that point of being there for nearly a year I broke. My depression got the best of me. One day I fell to the floor sobbing, I couldn't handle being there anymore. I couldn't quit, my dad just guilt tripped me. All i wanted to do is die.. I had plenty of ways of doing so in a dangerous environment but it then hit me hard realizing how terrified I was of dying, having to leave the most important person in my life. I went to my co worker on the next machine begging her to get our supervisor because I was getting suicidal. I was then dragged to office and of course my dad was there. They kept asking if I really felt that way and was there any way I could calm down to go back to work. I said No, I wanted to leave and go to the hospital. Eventually they said ok and let me just drive myself to the hospital ( which in my opinion don't let suicidal ppl drive at this point).

As I was being evaluated my dad, his gf and my GF came to the hospital. At that time I didn't know my GF was there till afterwards. When the evaluation was done I had to be sent to a mental ward because I was under watch. My dad said that my boss is willing to wait for me to come back and I just told him I don't know if I want to go back. Well his gf grabbed my shoulders and practically shook me saying I shouldn't quit and that I "loved my job". At the time I blocked her out because I was just flat out tired. My gf was upset because she wouldn't get to see me for some time from this and I'm pretty sure this situation was very hard on her. In my mind, I felt free from my stress.

While I was in the hospital ward, all I ever did was sleep. I didn't like group sessions because ppl scare me. I didn't want to be awake, I didn't want to deal with the fact I was going to go back to work soon. My dad and his gf visited often, I would call my GF nearly everyday on the little phone they had. She even got to vist with my best friend who I consider as a sister to me. I was slowly getting the help I needed and then my dad told me to live with him to help recover and well dumb me said ok. I eventually left the ward to live with him and his gf while they went to look for a therapist and psychiatrist. During that time I had been sent from the hospital to a group therapy place nearly everyday for 4 some hours. In my opinion it didn't do squat bit the individual therapy helped a lot. Sad thing is that insurance didn't cover it and I paid out of pocket. It was 400$ per session and my dad refused to pay so I spent every penny I had doing these sessions. 3 or 4 months went by, the therapist came around and said i wasn't fit for working and wanted me to do disability. I was happy to know ( tho I didn't know about the hardships of it till later ). I told my dad and he flipped, he said I wasn't going to be lazy and become a bum. He said only the true disabled should have disability and I wanted to use it to be lazy and that I need to be a part of "society".

After that I was taken from that place and forced to see doctors of my dad's choosing. I kept arguing with him I wasn't going back to the factory that it was too much for me. He kept using the argument of good money and I worked less days then most ppl. Well I eventually did win and got to quit BUT I went back to the fast food place... hurrah. Of course of what happened last time repeated itself and not only that but I got sicker, more stressed and I wasn't paid for over a month because they messed up my papers... SO THAT WAS FUN. Not only was all this happening but they got very controlling. I stopped seeing my GF ( only texted ) and I wasn't allowed to have friends over because I was "recovering" and they think I only needed family. Like um ok my GF isn't family??? THEN THEY HAD THE NERVE! They just started sitting in during my sessions and told the doctor about MY problems. I didn't get to speak, they told the doctor things that weren't true. I had medications taken from me and changed. I was suddenly not considered ADHD anymore. The meds I got made me exhausted and I hated it. So my parents got all upset that I'm more sluggish and tired saying the medications are ruining me. They wanted me off them saying it won't "fix the problem" and kept begging my psychiatrist to take me off them even tho he clearly stated I shouldn't be off them.

I started to relapse in server depression. I had to change jobs to one closer to my parents house, well that job was 10x worse. I had no breaks, I couldn't even pee for more then 5 mins a day. I didn't know this and would go to the bathroom to calm my panic attacks down. I didn't want to be a burden at my new job. Well my coworker complained that I left her alone too often, we worked kitchen ( just me and her ) and apparently that's too hard on her to be alone... During the dead hours. I was taken aside and told to get my bladder fixed or I was fired. During all of this I was slowly breaking more, my dad got fed up that I would stay up late talking to me gf till 10pm cause god knows why they HAVE to wake me up at 6am everyday. He started restricting my phone and somehow was able to lock my phone from his??? First the internet went off at 9pm then he would completely lock my phone so I could use it after 10pm. Now mind you that my GF still worked at the factory so it was already hard to communicate with her. At this point I had no one. I was shut off from everyone.

I couldn't do it anymore, I was done. I completely relapsed with suicidal intentions at work again and hide in a corner of a dark room. Remember how I was a kitchen worker? I had giant knife all around me and I felt unsafe. I was terrified of hurting myself or my coworkers. Now at the time I was working with a cool guy that let me go calm down but I couldn't escape the thoughts and feelings so I called a hotline which said I need to go to the hospital. But they wouldn't let me drive and I needed a ride. My dad at this point said hospitals are a waste of time and money and I shouldn't go anymore for my depression. So I did the best thing i could think of and called my mom and well guess what. She didn't know I was suicidal this whole year! My dad never told her and she was livid with him. It was no wonder she didn't visit the mental ward!

She got me, I told my GF who just got off work so she speed 90mph down the highway ( I was an hour away ). I saw an emergency therapist who said I needed to move out and move with someone that can keep me safe. So I chose my GF and well the therapist told my dad off on phone saying he's too controlling and can't keep me at the house anymore. But even tho I moved and such I didn't realize all the harm my dad and his GF had cause to my baby. She argued with them saying they were controlling and abusing me. They even flat out insult me infront of her and called me out on things. They said she couldn't take care of me, they said we shouldn't even be together if I can't take care of myself and that I shouldn't rely on her. They said things like relationships arnt meant to rely on each other but be just partners. They nearly broke our engagement.. They nearly tore us apart. They even went as far as saying that I should be dating someone else or that it's ok if I'm having an affair with my best friend ( on days off I would go to her house to be away from my dad ).

But even so she stuck by my side and I shouldn't feel so blessed having her. I kept seeing my therapist but things got worse. The therapist was nice at first but every time I went I had to repeat the same story to him about my childhood. Of course he ignored that and only focused on what's going on with me and my dad and the fact I was gay? Like more then half of my sessions would be him rambling on how gay ppl are treated and how that causes depression. Of course I'm sitting there telling him my sexuality has nothing to do with my depression but he wouldn't listen. I felt ignored.

No matter how much I said that my whole life wad a struggle with my mental illness he ignored it. He then just had the nerve to say " you don't have depression, you just have self esteem issues" . . . . Excuse me? He rewrote my records with that and saying my meds were pointless. I couldn't even begin to explain how upset I was. So my next session I brought my GF with me and we talked about how terrified she's been with my depression and how much it was hurting her and how much I was hurting. At the end he just looked at me and asked... " do you think your psychotic?" And I was just baffled. I couldn't even think and I just slowly said "..no?" And he just turned to his desk saying "that's what he thought" and said i don't need disability and such. I just shattered that day. I stood up and left completely stunned. My feelings, my emotions and my struggles.. all for this? To be told I'm just having self esteem issues? That my whole life struggle with depression and wanting to die was just a small problem? I felt broken, I felt that all my problem were nothing. I refused to see a new therapist after that, that my problems were stupid and pointless and I can just get over it. I even cut my meds out, because apparently they were pointless. I went through horrible withdraw and my depression went out of control. There were times I get so upset I would just walk outside and leave. Because I felt like I deserve to die on the streets because I felt like a burden. And yet my GF has been fighting to keep me safe and in a good home.. sometime I feel like I don't deserve her. But I made a promise that I would get better. That I would never give up.

So for my new years resolution I want it to be the year I heal. The year I go and get real help because I know I have people who do care. I want to keep the promise I made to Nicole. I know my problems are real and that I should seek help. These past 2 years may have broken me but I'm going to do everything that I can to piece myself back together and be me again. And that is my promise.

[smoothshift]

This past weekend, I picked up a 180k mile '89 Accord that I bought in Denver, CO and drove it home to North Carolina. via /r/cars

This past weekend, I picked up a 180k mile '89 Accord that I bought in Denver, CO and drove it home to North Carolina.

What on earth would compel anyone to do such a thing? Well, the specific configuration I wanted has gotten pretty tough to find, especially in decent shape. I was looking to replace my first car, which was an LX-i coupe with a manual transmission. After months of keeping an eye on eBay, Autotrader, and even browsing major cities' craigslists across the US, I finally found a decent looking one that was reasonably priced at a Mini dealer of all places. It's even the same exterior and interior color as my old one- I couldn't resist. So I called them, worked everything out over a couple of days, and flew out two weeks later to drive it home!

Of course, several pictures were taken. Highlights will be below, but click here for the full album.

My dad was crazy enough to accompany me on this trip. Wonder where I get the inclination to do this sort of thing? Anyway, our flight left Charlotte at 6am. After a stop in Detroit, we landed in Denver shortly before 10am mountain time. The salesman I had dealt with actually picked us up from the airport which was all the way on the other side of the Denver metro from the dealer, so a shout out to them for that! Schomp Mini in Highlands Ranch. Wonderful people to work with.

The car was detailed and ready to go when we arrived. The temp plate was installed and off we went! Mileage at delivery: 182,780

http://ift.tt/2peXOde http://ift.tt/2pztbvP

I had 3 big concerns that could potentially be wrong with the car. * Overheating due to leaky coolant hoses * An alternator that might be on its last legs * Issues with taller gears

1 and 3 were pretty much immediately taken care of- the car ran through all the gears just fine and after warming up to a good level the temp needle didn't budge. And by the time I got home, it was clear that the alternator was fine too! Two small issues we noticed quickly though- the cigarette lighter was not working (no charging anything!) and both ashtrays were missing. Strange for sure. Maybe someone tried to quit smoking at one point- they must've succeeded, because there's no evidence tobacco has ever been in the car.

At the recommendation of my salesman, we took a quick detour to Red Rocks before heading towards Kansas. I had no idea what Red Rocks was, but I'm glad we stopped there! It's an amphitheater on the outskirts of Denver that overlooks the metro area. Absolutely beautiful. And I couldn't resist a quick picture of the car while we were there.

http://ift.tt/2peIUDE http://ift.tt/2pzI9Sy

At this point, the first real issue with the car surfaced. It started right up after we spent some time taking in the Red Rocks view and then immediately died. This happened once more before I gave it some gas for a few seconds after starting. After that, good to go. This would be a recurring issue, so definitely something to look into. But the car never once failed to start without a few seconds of patience.

So we hit the road for Kansas. This part of the trip was uneventful, which is a very good thing. Aside from windmills, there's not much going on in eastern Colorado or Kansas. The dealer had filled the car up with gas before we left, so the first gas stop was in Hays, KS. Mileage at gas stop #1 was 183,168 and it took 11.466 gallons of gas, which comes out to 33.4mpg of mostly windows down, 75mph cruising. I wasn't complaining.

http://ift.tt/2peQVZc

We got to our first overnight stop in Topeka. It was here that we noticed a rather substantial rattling when going over bumps at lower speeds from the front left of the car. It was driving fine and compressing the suspension and shaking the wheel while parked both felt fine, so we decided that this could wait to be addressed.

In the morning, we resumed our journey. I wish we could've stopped for some Kansas City BBQ, but we were too early to do so. As an NFL fan, though, it was cool to see Arrowhead in person as we drove by. Somewhere between KC and St. Louis, we passed someone with South Carolina tags who is probably braver than me!

http://ift.tt/2pzESmn

Shortly after that, we stopped for gas a second time. At 183,505 miles, I put 10.953 gallons in the car, which comes out to just 30.8mpg. Considering the air conditioning (which actually works!) was on for most of this leg, that was alright.

Next stop was St. Louis! We stopped briefly to see the Gateway Arch and grab lunch in Laclede's Landing. The cobblestone streets of Laclede's Landing were quaint, but the left front of the car sure didn't sound like it appreciated them. It was here that we figured out the rattling did not happen if I had any pressure on the brakes. The car was stopping just fine though so we pressed on. If anything, that will make it easier to diagnose.

http://ift.tt/2pf1j30 http://ift.tt/2pzLf9b

We continued all the way to Paducah, KY for the third tank of gas. 183,875 miles, 10.315 gallons, 35.9mpg after more windows down and less air conditioning. That A/C doesn't help things! From there, the next stop was Nashville that night. Very cool town, wish we could have stayed longer. Tons of live music and you can buy a pair of cowboy boots while you're out bar hopping on a Saturday night.

http://ift.tt/2pf1FqJ http://ift.tt/2pzAH9U http://ift.tt/2pf1kEj

The next day, we started the final leg. At the intersection of I-40 and US 321, we stopped for the third tank of gas. 184,176 miles, 9.284 gallons, 32.4mpg. From here we headed south for the only real detour we took- we stopped by Deal's Gap and drove the Tail of the Dragon!

http://ift.tt/2pztdnr

From there, it was a relatively short and uneventful last leg of the trip home to Charlotte.

http://ift.tt/2peVLpr

Also, it was here that I realized I hadn't taken a picture of the interior yet!

http://ift.tt/2pzF0SH

I filled up the tank one last time to calculate mileage- 184,474 miles, 7.797 gallons, 38.2mpg. The trip totaled 1,694 miles and aside from the minor hot start issues the car ran flawlessly the whole time. Couldn't be happier. 33.9mpg over the whole trip.

Things I need to do with the car soon:

OEM keys (already ordered!)

Fix that rattle in the front left

Figure out the hot start issue

Get the cigarette lighter working

Replace the ash trays (I don't smoke, but I'd like everything to be there)

Super excited to be back in one of these cars and the road trip was absolutely worth the time and expense.

[jeremytengsg-blog]

Jeremy Teng the local singer broke up with his boyfriend after some years of dating LGBT.

http://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/eat-drink-man-woman-16/im-guy-who-4yrs-r-s-male-local-singer-i-got-dumped-went-jail-stalking-5547724.html http://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/105823187-post1.html Originally Posted by Reassembledheart My ex-boyfriend is called Jeremy Teng Boon Song 丁文淞. You may recognise him from singing shows like 中国好声音 (The Voice of China where he deferred his NS to represent Singapore in Season 3 of the show), 中国梦想秀, 校园 Superstar (Campus Superstar), 台湾超���偶像 and a Japanese singing show called Nodojiman the World (now rebranded as 'I can sing in Japanese'). His FB fanpage: facebook.com/jeremyteng Personal FB: facebook.com/jeremytengbs His youtube: youtube.com/jeremytengbs And my name is Tan Boon Wah My FB: facebook.com/profile.php?id=688773724 Instagram: instagram.com/reassembledheart/ Re-iterating what I said in the title with more details. I'm a guy who was in a 4 years relationship with Jeremy Teng 丁文淞, a male Chinese local singer. Got dumped in May 2015 a day after my birthday (said he doesn't love me anymore), spent an entire year waiting for him everyday below his house so I can speak to him and ask that he unblock me so I can contact him. But everyday, he'll call the police and ask them to arrest me. Eventually I was sentenced to 6 months just for stalking under the Protection from Harassment Act (which by the way doesn't even have a precedent of 6 months for a first offence under the Act, it's usually just 2-3 months, goes to show*how harsh my sentence was). After I served 4 months of my sentence and was released 2 months early, I looked for him again on my first day of release, got arrested and charged again when all I did was to press his doorbell twice. No one even came to answer the door before I moved away. After getting charged for re-offending during my early release period (for stalking again), I went out on bail, I looked for him once more outside his place, got arrested and was served another charge of stalking (2 current charges now), bail revoked, stayed inside prison for another 21 days until finally the judge offered me bail again. So I'm awaiting sentence now, potentially facing another 4 years of jail. And no, I'm not crazy, they made me stay at IMH for 2 weeks just to get the psychiatrist to certify that I am still of sound mind. I'm posting this not to seek for approval. I won't say what I did was right or not. I simply want him to allow me to be able to contact him. Is 4 years of our relationship together (where we met everyday) not enough to even let me contact him? I just want him to take pity on me and allow me to just be able to contact him. It's nearly 2 years since the breakup now. During all these, never once did I pose any physical threat or violence to him. But his dad did do stuff like splashing hot water on my chest, using a water hose to spray at me numerous times and even his mum pulled my head to bang against the wall. I have no idea what else to do now. I still very much want to be able to contact him.  He has blocked me everywhere, literally every communication platform imaginable, be it phone, facebook, instagram, twitter, wechat, snapchat, weibo, even emails. Which was why I even went to his house because there's really no other channels for me to reach him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If anyone's made it reading this far, below are some links and videos for further context. Acrostic Poems 藏頭詩 + Letter and cards from Jeremy 丁文淞 to me: facebook.com/notes/tan-boon-wah/acrostic-poems-藏頭詩-from-jeremy-丁文淞/10153196974828725 文淞寫給我的一封在電台UFM1003廣播中，被念出來的一封信：**********.co m/tan-boon-wah/letter-wed-0503?utm_source Our Love Story (2013) video: facebook.com/688773724/videos/10154513265868725/ First Anniversary (2012) video: facebook.com/688773724/videos/10154520634868725/ Interview with couple Jeremy Teng 丁文淞 and Tan Boon Wah (2012) video: facebook.com/688773724/videos/10154521460528725/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Compiling below my own replies on this thread: When I was sentenced the first time round for a 6 months sentence, I went to his place like 5am/6am every morning before he left for camp (he was still in NS). Waited for him to come out to try and talk to him. And I finished work in the evening, I would go to his place again to wait for him to come home, which could be like 3am. Sometimes I would just sleep on the stairs overnight when I missed him coming home. On weekends, I would just wait outside his place and if he stays home the entire day, I would wait from basically morning could be 8am till again night, 3am, forgoing my breakfast, lunch, dinner. He has actually changed his phone number 6-7 times because I managed to find out everytime. He changed his phone from an iphone to an android one because iphones couldn't block no caller-id numbers which I was calling him from. Anyway that was for the first case, which took place over a year. Sentenced to 6 months for that. But now for my second case, all I did was to go to his house on my day of release. He called the police, they arrested me. Came out on bail, he was actually nice enough to let me talk to him online, subjected to conditions like I don't look for him at the restaurants he's singing gigs at, to remove my facebook and instagram accounts, and also that he won't meet me, just letting me talk to him online. I was happy to do that as long as I could still talk to him online, even without meeting him. So I talked to him for 2 months while on bail in October and November 2016 (I served my sentence from 1June 2016-1Oct 2016). But I admit I went overboard and annoyed him by messaging him too much. So around the end of Nov last year, he decided to block me off everywhere again, saying he will never let me be able to contact him again, neither in this life nor the next life. I went to look for him and he called the police and arrested me, got my bail revoked and I spent 21 days in prison again, including Christmas from 8-28Dec. So now I'm out on bail again because the judge has decided it's unfair to deny bail to someone who did not even commit something heinous like murder. I am awaiting for sentence which like I said could go up to 4 years and also have to include the 2 months of early release they said I would have to pay back for re-offending during the early release remission period (I was afterall immediately arrested on the same day I was released when I went to look for him on my release day). No it's not my first relationship. I am 27 years old. It's actually my third. I am usually a law-abidding citizen. I had worked in the Singapore Police Force screening criminal records, assessing licences for security officers/agencies and private investigators/agencies. Before that I was a military police during my NS as well. I am familiar with what's right and what's not. Of course now that I've stayed in Changi Prison, Admiralty West Prison, and even IMH, I've seen all sorts of people who are in there for different reasons. A lot of them are just looking for ways to make money without much regards to the consequences. And no, I'm not uneducated, I've actually been to uni twice, in NTU and later in UniSIM. I've worked as a relief teacher before and had also worked in MediaCorp myself because my ex-boyfriend, Jeremy was doing his poly internship there and thus I applied to work there just so we could travel to work every morning together. Well honestly, why can't he allow me to even contact him? I'm not forcing for us to be together again. I just wanna be able to contact him   I did go to jail. Was inside for 4 months and 21 days. And I am facing prospects of going to jail again. There was no violence involved. Just purely for stalking. Well I honestly don't wanna look for anyone else, no one else can compare when I've already known what perfection is like. It's ok if I remain single. And I don't think there have been many people convicted with the Protection from Harassment Act (PoHA) which was enacted only in 2013. Much less get charged twice for it. I was charged with it again after getting released. Also I was charged with access personal data under the Personal Data Protection Act (PDPA) which was also new, passed in 2012. This was solely for calling Singtel and asking them for his new phone number, using his IC number. I was sentenced to 2months just for asking Singtel for his phone number which I didn't even do anything nefarious with. But thankfully they let that charge run concurrently with the 6months charge for stalking so total still just 6 months. Spent 4 months in jail (1June-1Oct), got arrested on release day, went out on bail, got arrested again and stayed inside from 8-28Dec before getting bail out again to wait for sentence. Even the charge about having to pay back my sentence because I re-offended during the early release period was an act under the Remission Order Prison Act introduced only in June 2014. I've been charged with all relatively new laws basically. And the reason they gave me such a harsh sentence for the first time was because I told the psychiatrist very honestly that I would look for Jeremy again. The psychiatrist's actual report was 'The accused was not of unsound mind and is able to plead for himself. However he has admitted that he would look for the victim again, per instanta, upon release. Hence this should be taken in an ominous light.' And the prosecution used this to justify giving me a harsher punishment of 6 months, compared to previous examples of just 2-3months under first offence for harassment law. Originally Posted by Reassembledheart When I was sentenced the first time round for a 6 months sentence, I went to his place like 5am/6am every morning before he left for camp (he was still in NS). Waited for him to come out to try and talk to him. And I finished work in the evening, I would go to his place again to wait for him to come home, which could be like 3am. Sometimes I would just sleep on the stairs overnight when I missed him coming home. On weekends, I would just wait outside his place and if he stays home the entire day, I would wait from basically morning could be 8am till again night, 3am, forgoing my breakfast, lunch, dinner. He has actually changed his phone number 6-7 times because I managed to find out everytime. He changed his phone from an iphone to an android one because iphones couldn't block no caller-id numbers which I was calling him from. Anyway that was for the first case, which took place over a year. Sentenced to 6 months for that. But now for my second case, all I did was to go to his house on my day of release. He called the police, they arrested me. Came out on bail, he was actually nice enough to let me talk to him online, subjected to conditions like I don't look for him at the restaurants he's singing gigs at, to remove my facebook and instagram accounts, and also that he won't meet me, just letting me talk to him online. I was happy to do that as long as I could still talk to him online, even without meeting him. So I talked to him for 2 months while on bail in October and November 2016 (I served my sentence from 1June 2016-1Oct 2016). But I admit I went overboard and annoyed him by messaging him too much. So around the end of Nov last year, he decided to block me off everywhere again, saying he will never let me be able to contact him again, neither in this life nor the next life. I went to look for him and he called the police and arrested me, got my bail revoked and I spent 21 days in prison again, including Christmas from 8-28Dec. So now I'm out on bail again because the judge has decided it's unfair to deny bail to someone who did not even commit something heinous like murder. I am awaiting for sentence which like I said could go up to 4 years and also have to include the 2 months of early release they said I would have to pay back for re-offending during the early release remission period (I was afterall immediately arrested on the same day I was released when I went to look for him on my release day). Originally Posted by Reassembledheart No it's not my first relationship. I am 27 years old. It's actually my third. I am usually a law-abidding citizen. I had worked in the Singapore Police Force screening criminal records, assessing licences for security officers/agencies and private investigators/agencies. Before that I was a military police during my NS as well. I am familiar with what's right and what's not. Of course now that I've stayed in Changi Prison, Admiralty West Prison, and even IMH, I've seen all sorts of people who are in there for different reasons. A lot of them are just looking for ways to make money without much regards to the consequences. And no, I'm not uneducated, I've actually been to uni twice, in NTU and later in UniSIM. I've worked as a relief teacher before and had also worked in MediaCorp myself because my ex-boyfriend, Jeremy was doing his poly internship there and thus I applied to work there just so we could travel to work every morning together. Originally Posted by Reassembledheart well you could check the links I posted. Lots of proof in photos and videos. Why would I be lying with my real facebook identity? I did go to jail. Was inside for 4 months and 21 days. And I am facing prospects of going to jail again. There was no violence involved. Just purely for stalking. Originally Posted by Reassembledheart 我办不到。当你把心全都掏了出来，分享了那么多，共同经历了那么多，很难就这么放啊。I knew him when he was just a poly student, age 17. Since 6 years back up till the point of breakup in 2015, we shared so much experiences together, poured out so much of myself. 怎么连联络都不行吗？Can't I even get to contact him? Originally Posted by Reassembledheart Well I honestly don't wanna look for anyone else, no one else can compare when I've already known what perfection is like. It's ok if I remain single. And I don't think there have been many people convicted with the Protection from Harassment Act (PoHA) which was enacted only in 2013. Much less get charged twice for it. I was charged with it again after getting released. Also I was charged with access personal data under the Personal Data Protection Act (PDPA) which was also new, passed in 2012. This was solely for calling Singtel and asking them for his new phone number, using his IC number. I was sentenced to 2months just for asking Singtel for his phone number which I didn't even do anything nefarious with. But thankfully they let that charge run concurrently with the 6months charge for stalking so total still just 6 months. Spent 4 months in jail (1June-1Oct), got arrested on release day, went out on bail, got arrested again and stayed inside from 8-28Dec before getting bail out again to wait for sentence. Even the charge about having to pay back my sentence because I re-offended during the early release period was an act under the Remission Order Prison Act introduced only in June 2014. I've been charged with all relatively new laws basically. And the reason they gave me such a harsh sentence for the first time was because I told the psychiatrist very honestly that I would look for Jeremy again. The psychiatrist's actual report was 'The accused was not of unsound mind and is able to plead for himself. However he has admitted that he would look for the victim again, per instanta, upon release. Hence this should be taken in an ominous light.' And the prosecution used this to justify giving me a harsher punishment of 6 months, compared to previous examples of just 2-3months under first offence for harassment law. Originally Posted by Reassembledheart Tell me what advice then? Other than asking me to find someone else. I don't want advices like these. I need advice like how to actually have him allow me to be able to contact him. Originally Posted by Reassembledheart What is so important? My need to reach him, that's what is important. Yes, I am a selfish person. And to those saying I deserve jail, no I don't want to go to jail, who in their right mind wants to? I certainly don't want to. But I went in. And will be going in again.