#it again 6am. i have not slept so i will go do that now

[synthshenanigans]

You Sound Like Louis Burdett is a banger song I wish it was real 💔 [looking at you spotify]

skeleton-less & textless versions ✨ wahoo ✨

[basslinegrave]

im feeling so antsy i have like nothing that i specifically Have to do like yes i have to work on a fursuit but im missing something for it so i would have to wait either way so its ok to slow down on it (i at least sewed some parts today) and i got enough money for rent and all so i dont need to rush it so idk if its that but i also have a dentist appointment next week which might be the cause of me being so nervous because i Hate it there and i hate how its now gonna ruin my weekend cause im just gonna be thinking about it

[tamagotchikgs]

i am still so weak dude even just using the trackpad on my laptop for a minute or maybe even less to scroll on tumblr was enough to make my arm tingly nd numb

[newtness532]

i should go to sleep but because i let myself close my eyes for literally 30 seconds 4 hours ago im not that tired anymore

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

The farmer is a pretty heavy sleeper if even a meteor landing on their farm won't get them up before 6am but what about their spouse? How would they all (sve included if you'd like) react to not only a whole space rock hitting the farm but the farmer reacting with nothin more than a sleepy "oh was probably just a meteor... I'll check that in the mornin."

I had a lot of fun with this scenario, really liked the idea itself. Thank you so much for the ask, and enjoy! 💕

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SDV/SVE bachelors:

Sam said quietly, "Oh, okay," and laid his head back on the pillow, falling asleep again. When morning came, the young guitarist would consider his vague recollection of this conversation a dream. What will be his surprise when he sees an actual meteorite lying not far from their house. "Babe, that could have ended badly..." "No worries, Sammy, but if you want, we'll check it out next time." ...Next time?????

"Did you hear that?!" "Relax, dear, it's just a meteorite..." "Ah, alright... It's a WHAT?!" And the slogan of this Harvey's headcanon: "A meteorite is the best alarm clock! You'll wake up right away!" Although in Farmer's case - they woke up to a fuss made by their worried husband. But you can understand the Pelican Town doctor, too - a bloody piece of cosmic rock fell right into your yard, it's hard to stay calm.

Elliott literally fell out of bed from such a loud sound outside the window, and Farmer continued to snore quietly??? The writer was so confused, he didn't know if he should wake up Farmer or not. "Mmmm... Did'a meteorit fal' again... I'll deal with it tmorrw... 💤" Farmer mumbled, leaving Elliott even more confused. Meteorite? Wha- again? They mean... it's happened before and it's going to happen again?! What is happening?!

"Hon, what the fuck." At first Shane's reaction to Farmer's words wasn't too violent, because he's still sleepy. But after a couple of seconds the meaning of the words reached him, the gyrus in his brain started working and he shrieked: "The coop! Charlie!" The realisation that the animals might have been hit by the meteorite instantly brought Farmer to their feet.

No matter how hard Alex tried - his spouse slept like a dead man, muttering that they would check the source of the noise tomorrow. What do they mean, tomorrow?! They need to check it now! Alex can't just leave it alone, so he goes to check it out, with or without Farmer. Whoa, a real meteorite... Erm, shouldn't they tell Lewis or someone about this?

Meteorite or not, Sebastian remained surprisingly calm. He gave up trying to wake Farmer and went to the window to see what was out there. They were right - it was in fact a meteorite, a real one. And there's light coming from it. So cool. "Sure you don't want to come with me, dear?" Farmer mumbled something incomprehensible in response, and the emo decided to go alone, to look at the cool sky rock. Because why not.

Lance sensed something was wrong before the meteorite touched the ground. Fortunately, the far-sighted gallant adventurer had put up a magical barrier that prevented the space rock from crashing into his and Farmer's house or barns. The meteorite had fallen, all was well. "I take it this phenomenon is not new to you?" He smiled as his spouse mumbled "tomorrow..." in their sleep. Well then, they both can look at the meteorite later.

"Razor!" Magnus jumped up sharply from the bed, casting the spell on automatic. The trajectory of the falling meteorite was reversed, and the celestial stone plummeted into the water, no longer posing a danger to the forest. "Farmer, meteorite." "Mhmm, five more minutes.... I'll look at the meteorite tomorrow...." Magnus wondered how his dearest spouse could even survive as an adventurer with no sense of self-preservation. It's a damn meteorite!

A whole palette of emotions was bubbling up inside Victor, awake from the noise. What was that! A meteorite? A real one! It's probably incredibly hot right now, he shouldn't go near it.... But it's a meteorite! It's so scary, and so interesting! Farmer, don't hide your head under the pillow, but get a flashlight. Victor's taking them out to see the space rock! Well, and make sure everything's okay and no animals are hurt, too.

SDV/SVE bachelorettes:

A meteorite?! A real rock of cosmic origin fell right on the farm? Maru immediately jumps out of bed and wakes up Farmer. It's unclear, however, whether this reaction of hers is simple worry about putting out the fire from the meteorite fall or that the young inventor is thrilled that she and her spouse will see the meteorite up close! Probably both. Either way, Farmer won't sleep well tonight...

"What makes you think it's a meteorite? Maybe it's aliens? Oh, that's so cool! Get up quick or we'll miss the whole thing! And grab a sword, just in case." The force with which Abigail was prancing poor Farmer made them realise at once that their wife was not going to let them finish their beauty sleep. Unlikely aliens in there, but they'd have to check anyway. Ugh...

Poor Penny is in complete shock at how calmly Farmer has reacted to everything. Don't they care what happens to the farm? What if what fell down caused a fire and everything could burn? There's a forest nearby, it would be a huge fire! Penny tearfully begged her sleepy spouse to check it out before it's too late. Farmer had to get up (they hate to see their lovely wife crying).

"Did you hear that, Farmer?" "Yep, meteorite hit again, I'll look tomorrow..." Leah can already see the fire that has travelled from the glowing space rock to the dry summer grass. Oh no, there's going to be a fire now... She wakes Farmer up with one mighty shove and shouts an emergency. And as much as Farmer grumbled over their interrupted sleep - the artist was right. A forest fire is a very dangerous.☝️

The sound of a meteorite falling may not have been able to wake Farmer, but the shriek of terror of their wife Haley sure knocked them out of dreamland. "Shh, Haley, it's only a meteorite..." JUST A METEORITE?! Is Farmer laughing at her? Oh no, they can't go back to the dream realm now - Haley wakes them up again and tells them to look at that fallen meteorite before something else happens. Haley's half asleep herself, but she's scared, so she'll insist on checking it out now.

Before going to bed, Emily read a daily horoscope in a magazine that she would soon "be given a big sign, so make your decision at once." Nowhere, however, did it say that this "sign" was a huge rock from the sky. But at least she made the decision right away, (and the right one) - getting Farmer out if bed, despite their protests, to make sure the falling meteorite didn't destroy anything. No "tomorrow", it had to be now. She hopes no animals were! Her heart couldn't take it...

Claire jumped up in bed, as if scalded by boiling water, at the rattling of window glass and the vibrations throughout the house. Something had fallen on the farm - and that 'something' is very big. She woke and woke her spouse to no avail, who only responded to the terrifying sound with a louder snore. How did they even manage not to wake up from such a noise? And how could they mumbling so calmly about the meteorite?!

Poor Sophia, frightened by a scary sound outside , immediately pressed herself against Farmer, trying to hide. Farmer kissed her gently and told her that it was just a meteorite, that everything was fine and they would protect her. After saying "it's okay" and "I will protect you" the panic inside Sophia was extinguished and she fell asleep again in the arms of her spouse. The meteorite in the morning would definitely be a shock to her (she thought she had dreamed the whole thing).

After that horrible sound, Olivia not only wakes Farmer up, but also gets almost half the town up, making one call to Lewis and claiming that something terrible has happened on her and Farmer's property. Farmer sleepily tried to convince Olivia that a fallen meteorite was no big deal, but she wasn't convinced. How is that - a huge, dangerous rock from outer space - and not dangerous!

[yallthemwitches]

Bad Moon Rising

James comes back from a full moon outing with the marauders to find someone in his bed. NSFW—-Canon Compliant Oneshot

I used two of my NSFW headcanons as inspiration. Also had some visual help from the always talented @daiziesssart and @blvnk-art who draw NSFW jily so good it makes me want to cry.

NSFW Headcanons here: https://www.tumblr.com/yallthemwitches/755352465115889664/jily-headcanon-nsfw-edition?source=share

AO3 Link here!: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57563776

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The sun was coming up on the other side of the mountains when the boys finally made it back inside the castle. They shuffled quietly together under the invisibility cloak. James and Sirius were now in human form while Peter rode in rat-form on James’ shoulder. By the time they had left Remus, he had curled himself into a corner in the shrieking shack and his transformation was starting to dissipate; Mme. Pomfrey would be there soon with some much needed tea and biscuits and they couldn’t have her catching wind of them. 

They stumbled through the portrait hole and ripped off the cloak. Peter transformed into human form and slumped against the nearest couch.

“The last day of the cycle is always the worst,” he groaned while covering his face with his forearms. They had been out till nearly 6am every day for the past week in order to tend to Remus and were starting to feel the effects of lost sleep. 

James trudged himself into the boys bathroom and threw some water on his face. He had dark circles under his eyes but was feeling wired. Despite exhaustion, he always had trouble getting to sleep after an outing. 

The boys climbed the steps to their dorms and Sirius flung open the door before stopping in his tracks. He looked over his shoulder at James with a smirk.

“We have an intruder again, Prongsy.”

James pushed past Sirius to see his bed curtains had been opened in his absence. Laying half covered by his duvet was Lily, seemingly sound asleep.

She had begun doing this more and more during the full moon. James had not told her the full story about Remus yet, nor about his illegal animangi form, but she wasn’t dumb. She had seemed to sort out pretty quickly that sometimes the marauders' antics were more dangerous than others.  On other nights when the boys wanted to faff about for a laugh, James was much more susceptible to folding when Lily seduced him into staying in, but on the full moon, there was no convincing him. They could be mid snog and he would pull away to leave, giving her one last meaningful kiss as he went.

“When Remus is back we need to talk to him about telling her,” James said. “I don’t think its going to be a surprise anyhow.”

Sirius and Peter both nodded and went to their respective beds. James sat on the edge of his and looked down at Lily who was still fast asleep. Hair strewn around and hugging a pillow to her body, she sighed softly in her sleep and curled her knees up.

He couldn’t deny it. He loved it when she slept in his bed. Despite knowing that she was there tonight because she was worried he wouldn’t come back or get hurt, it made her confession of love just last week seem more real than ever. If you would have asked him over a year ago, he would have never believed that Lily would have said “I love you” to him, much less crawl her way into his bed to make sure he came home safely. 

He pulled off his clothes and glasses and carefully moved Lily’s arm over to make room. From across the room, Sirius whispered from his bed.

“Oi, Prongs. Be a dear and use a muffaliato charm—-just in case.” He could hear sniggering come from Peter’s bed. 

“Don’t be jealous,” James retorted and shoved his curtains shut.

He laid down and Lily stirred. He wrapped his arm around her and she curled into his body, laying her torso on his side. 

“You’re back,” she whispered into his neck, clearly half-asleep. Her fingers reached up and curled around his lower wisps of hair. 

“I am,” James whispered back. “What a nice surprise to see you here.” She rolled herself until she was practically on top of him. Her arms snaked around his neck and she pushed her head into his chest. Despite being intimate with her many times before tonight, the feel of her body on his still made his heart race. 

“You smell like the forest,” She said as she nuzzled her face into him. “You smell like you have been up to no good.”

He could tell she had woken up a bit more. She put her chin on his chest and looked up at him with a smirk. He could see her eyes in the dark waiting for some sort of explanation. 

“Aren’t I always,” He offered in response and her eyes turned to slits. He prayed she would let that suffice for now. 

Seeing she wasn’t going to get him to crack, she wiggled her body on top of his playfully and pulled one leg to lazily wrap around his waist. 

“Well, glad to see you cheated death again,” she whispered and pulled herself up to kiss him. She deepened the kiss rapidly, nipping at his lip and pushing his mouth open to welcome the softness of her tongue. He groaned into her mouth.

She kissed her way along his jaw and stopped just below his ear to suck lightly at the skin. James hummed and let his hand wander down to her bum. He hadn’t noticed it before, but she had been sleeping in only a night shirt and knickers. He began to wonder how she had made it to the boys’ dorm completely pantsless, but became distracted by the work Lily was making of his neck. She leaned up and gave a nip at his earlobe. 

“Still don’t want to tell me what you were up to?” James shivered. Merlin, she’s trying to torture me. 

She wiggled her bum underneath his hands, making sure to push her pelvis forward into his lower half. Feeling his growing arousal, she looked up at him with a smirk before starting to kiss down his throat and towards his chest. Her hands wandered up and down his torso and arms while he laid there like he had been stunned into submission.

God, you’re so fit. Fuck… She seemed to have said it to herself, but James let out a chuckle. Ever since she had finally admitted that she had been eyeing him all this time on the Quidditch Pitch, he had become completely turned on by how turned on she was of him. 

Lily kept a steady descent downwards, stopping every once in a while to give a small nip at his skin. Once she got to his boxers, she bit at them playfully and looked back up at him with a mischievous smile. He let out a groan. She is actually trying to kill me. 

“Hmmm. If only my boyfriend wouldn’t keep secrets from me.” Her voice sounded heavy and slow. She crouched between his legs; her back arching into a U shape with her bum in the air. Her face hovered around his groin and he could feel her breath going through the cloth of his boxers. His heart pounded. It was taking all of his strength not to take her head in his hands and push her face into him. 

She slid a hand up his thigh then hovered it for a second over him before placing it over his covered erection, curling her fingers around the cloth separating them. James let out a hiss.  

“Merlin, Lils. I want you so bad. Please don’t make me beg.” He was whimpering. Lily let out a giggle, clearly enjoying herself. While she often preferred to be submissive and doted on during their shagging, she loved watching him melt under her whenever she took charge. Who knew Mr. Quidditch Captain could be reduced to nothing so easily.

Giving one last look at his blown-out eyes and his erratic breathing, she gave in. She pulled his boxers down and he lifted himself up to help her slide them off of him. Even in the dark, she could see his naked form begging for her. He propped himself up on one arm and looked down at her. Watching was always his favorite part. 

She slid both hands up his thighs again then circled his arousal. Giving him one last smile she placed a kiss on his tip before opening her mouth and taking him in. His eyes deepend and he let out a raspy moan as she slipped up and down, feeling her way around with her tongue. He took one hand and placed it softly on the back of her head and guided her in a rhythm. 

“Oh Merlin, Fuck,” he hissed. He twisted his fingers into her hair and cautiously used more pressure from his hand to guide her. Her eyes twinkled up at him, watching him moan with his mouth hanging open and eyes following her lips travel. She took one hand and wrapped it around, lightly cupping him. He let out a long hiss and his body leaned forward. 

“Godric, Lils. Your mouth. It's too good. You’re so beautiful.” He continued to rasp out affections as she continued her pattern.

She smiled a bit around him before breaking her rhythm and plunging down, taking him entirely into her mouth. She had only done this once before: during heads’ patrols with him leaning against an empty classroom table and her on her knees. Then, she had taken his hand and placed it on her neck so he could feel exactly how deep he was—-it was all it took to make him finish. 

“Lily, I’m gonna—-“ but right as he said it, she leaned back up on her heels, removing herself from him with a soft pop as she released her lips off his tip. 

She leaned all the way back and propped herself up on her elbows with her legs open to him. Despite the dark, he could see that her knickers were already wet. 

Ever since they had begun properly shagging, he had picked up on her preferences. Before, she would be perfectly happy with him finishing in her mouth or somewhere on her body. But once she felt him finish inside her for the first time, she was sold. It didn’t matter if they were pushed up against a wall in a broom closet or strewn on the floor of the Honeydukes cellar; she wanted to feel him release inside her and only there. 

James breathed sharp jagged breaths. He knew he should have expected it, but it tortured him all the same. She stared up at him expectantly . It was almost like he could hear her say come and get it.

But instead of pulling off her knickers and sliding inside her, he flipped himself to face her on his forearms and without any preamble pushed the scrap of fabric to the side and licked up her center. She dropped her head back and let out a deep moan. He continued to lick his way up and down her, stopping at the top of her clit to suck lightly. It was Lily’s turn to curl her fingers through his hair; bucking her hips up to his mouth as he continued to stroke her with his tongue. 

“Oh James, god. You always feel so good,” she breathed out, barely above a whisper. He dragged his tongue down over her opening and continued behind. She lifted her hips for him to get a better reach and gave her a swift nip on the soft curve of her bum. She let out a choking giggle before guiding his head with her hands back to her center. 

She pushed her head into the mattress, making a soft humming sound. Her mouth hung open and her hair was now splayed off the foot of the bed. James yanked the fabric of her knickers farther away as he made his way back to her clit, leaving light kisses on the inside of her thighs. 

He could feel her body start to shake a bit. Her hips started to move in a circular pattern against his face and he moved his tongue to match her. He knew she would be coming soon. Right when he felt her hand curl tighter into his hair, he pulled back, giving her one last kiss on her pelvic bone before rolling up on top of her to kiss her.

“No fair, I was so close,” She whined into his mouth. She could taste herself on him. She knew how much that turned him on. 

“You did it to me,” he countered. 

“Well then, will you at least shag me?” 

They both simultaneously clawed at her knickers until they slid off her legs and she ripped her sleeping top off, revealing she had nothing underneath. Immediately latching on to her breast with his mouth, he thrusted into her. She let out a small gasp that melted into a moan as he started pumping into her. 

He brought her knees up to his sides and they both watched where he entered her for a while; both of them with their jaws hanging open and making their own hums of desire. 

James placed a hand on one of her breasts and rubbed his thumb and forefinger around the blunt tip, the other hand held both of Lily’s up over her head in a barely bonding position. 

Lily spouted affirmations under her breath with every thrust. 

“Oh James, it feels so good. Please—-harder.” He complied and she let out small shrieks of delight. James placed a hand over her mouth to muffle her sounds—-it wasn’t completely lost on him that they were still in a room full of his mates. 

Lily started to shake again underneath him. Despite wanting to throw her head back, she forced herself to stare deep into his eyes, cheeks flushed and mouth agape. 

“James, I’m going to cum.” She barely gasped out. 

“Keep looking at me, I want to see you,” he growled. He thrust harder. 

She released with a gasp. She clenched at his shoulders and her eyes widened; flooding from her orgasm. 

She fell limp on the bed for a moment, chest heaving and flushed, before picking herself back up and catching James’ mouth with hers. 

James sat back on his heels, out of breath. “Merlin, you are so beautiful. If you are tired we can sto—-,”but Lily cut him off with a kiss. 

“I want to watch you come now,” She whispered and then pushed past him to get to the top of the bed. Positioning her hands on the backboard, she put herself into a tabletop position and looked over her shoulder at him expectantly. 

Fuck. Fuck.

They had only just started doing this position and they both knew it wouldn’t be long for him to come. He turned himself around until he was lined up with her, and swooped down to give her a kiss on her spine before pushing into her again. 

He almost immediately collapsed on her by how good it felt. 

“Oh god. Lily. You are so tight.” Lily chuckled a bit and sat up slightly to reach around and grab his neck. He held her torso up while thrusting into her. She arched her back, pushing her bum into him and giving him a better entryway. 

He didn’t hold back. He thrust hard and fast, feeling his body race towards release. Lily’s whispers got louder as he went deeper, finally reaching a questionable speaking tone.

“I’m so close,” he choked out. 

“Come inside me. I want to feel you cum, Prongs.”

She had never called him that before. He made a loud moan and he released inside of her. Still holding her torso against him, his body twitched around her as she peppered kisses onto his face. No longer able to hold both of them, he collapsed on top of her, both on their stomachs. 

After a moment of heavy breathing, he spoke. 

“You’ve never called me Prongs before.” Lily smiled against the mattress. 

“Thought you would like it,” she said. He placed a few kisses between her shoulders. 

“Like is an understatement.”

______________________________________________

The sun was already up when they had fallen asleep, so it couldn’t have been but a few hours later when Lily started tugging at the back of James’ hair. 

“My love—James—-we have class…” James growled in response and turned farther away.

Lily kissed his shoulder and tugged at his ear. 

“At least make an effort. You are head boy after all.” He groaned and turned over, grabbing her waist and throwing her back on the bed.

“If you stay here we can shag again and then say we had important Heads’ duties to do.” He raised his eyebrows at her.

She laughed and pushed him off of her. “You wish, Potter. Besides, all your mates wouldn’t believe it.”

She reached over the bed and pulled her clothes from off the ground, including the missing pair of pants James had been curious about the night before. She poked her head out of the curtains before throwing them open. 

“Good, they’ve already left. See you at breakfast.” She stuck her tongue out at him before closing the door behind her. 

James threw his head back on the pillow and groaned. 

James sat down next to Lily at the breakfast table with a huff. Sirius and Peter sat across from them looking downright wrecked—-all three boys had dark circles under their eyes and none of them dared to so much as crack a joke for the first 10 minutes. 

Sipping his cup of tea, Sirius finally broke the silence.

“James, I have a question.” James groaned dramatically. 

“I’m too tired for it, Pads.” Sirius continued.

“What is your grade in charms?” James rolled his eyes and took another bite of toast. 

“Dunno—-my last Charms NEWT score was an O…” Sirius put his cup down gingerly on its saucer before leaning back in his seat with his arms folded. 

“Interesting—-then why in the bloody fuck can you not perform a muffaliato charm—-again.” Lily smashed her tea cup onto her saucer and stood up quickly. Her face was bright red. 

“I-I got to go to class,” she said, turning swiftly and striding toward the door. James stared at his mate who, despite feigning a stern attitude, was clearly getting too much enjoyment from embarrassing the couple. 

After a beat, James collected himself.

“I told you not to be jealous.” Despite wanting to play it cool, James was having a hard time looking at his mates. 

Sirius barked out a laugh. 

“And to use your nickname--to get off. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Please don’t bring it up—I just keep hearing her say it over and over again,” Peter squeaked. “Don’t think I can ever call you Prongs again without hearing her say it.”

Sirius patted Peter on the back in consolation. 

“Oh fuck off, mates,” James retorted, but when Sirius began again, Lupin trudged his way up to the group and slumped down at the table. Besides looking a bit peaky, he overall seemed back to his normal self. 

“What did I miss?” He looked around at his mates who all looked like they had spent the night with a dementor.

“We need to tell Lily about you,” Sirius blurted out. Lupin squinted at him. 

“Ok—-I mean, I’m ok with that—as long as we all agree. But why exactly is this coming up so suddenly?” He lit a cigarette and conjured some tea his way. 

James opened his mouth to speak but Sirius put a hand out to stop him. 

“Because James is using the secret as some kinky shag tactic and he’s much too happy to share it with us.”

Lupin didn’t look up from his tea. He took a drag of his cigarette and blew it out before very carefully standing up from the table. 

“I’m going to go back to sleep now in the dorms—away from whatever the fuck you all are up to.” And turned to walk away. 

“Make sure Lily is not there—-or it will happen to you!” Sirius yelled, causing students from other tables to turn. James placed his head into his plate with a groan. So much for having Lily sleepover more often.

[natashaslesbian]

We Saved Each Other (Part Five)

Summary: you’re continuing to grow everyday with Natasha, facing all kinds of challenges both new and old

Word Count: 4.1k

Parings: (Natasha Romanoff x Kid!Reader) (Maria, Clint and Fury appear)

Warnings: Red room references, abusive father references, nightmares, shouting, crying, but the fluffiest ending

————

Natasha was amazed at your progress. It had been a long 2 months but you were continuing to grow every day. You were starting to get more comfortable around the avengers but there was still some bonding to be done and many more mountains to be climbed.

-5 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

“So” Fury said as he settled into his chair “how are the two of you settling in?” The director asked. Natasha glanced over to you through the glass, you were always scared when you couldn’t see her and truth being told Nat didn’t ever want to let you out of her sight either “we’re okay” she said “ok, and the truth?” Nick smirked “it’s been hard I guess” the widow wasn’t yet used to allowing her emotions to show “she doesn’t know any different” Natasha said, eyes still glued to you “we don’t know any different” she corrected.

“Woah y/n look at this one!” Maria said as reached right to the bottom of the box of brand new toys Clint had sent for you “what is it?” You asked as you waddled over “it’s a doll house” Maria said “do you wanna open it up and put it together?” Your eyes lit up, you had never had your own doll house “yes please” you said. It was a challenge for Maria, this whole situation was. The agent had her walls built so high and watching over you, playing with you, it brought a lot of memories back for her. “What are you going to name this one?” Maria said as she passed you the brand new doll “I can name it anything?” You asked “of course” Maria said.

“We can’t keep her here without a guardian much longer Romanoff” Nick coughed “what does that mean? Where are you gonna send her?” The panic ran up through Natasha’s spine “we don’t want to send her anywhere, but she needs a guardian” Nats blood settled again “are you asking me to do that?” She asked “I’m not asking you to do anything, in all honesty you can’t, you haven’t been a US citizen long enough” Nick said “you need to have been here at least 12 months” Natasha sighed “that’s another 2 months away” the red head said. She would be damed if these people just shipped you off somewhere new “why can’t she just stay here until I can be her guardian” Natasha asked “I didn’t know that’s what you wanted” Nick said, falling back into his chair. Shit. She was letting her guard down again, letting some stranger see her emotions “well I don’t want her just thrown into the care of someone else” the widow said “we can take care of her, I can take care of her. Please Fury, let me help her”

“Hey y/n” Nat said as she opened the door “you wanna get some lunch?” She asked, you shrunk into yourself again, still wanting to play but not wanting to get into trouble “okay” you nodded your head. Natasha picked up on your discomfort “would you like to stay and play a bit longer?” The red head asked “yes please” you timidly said. Maria said her goodbyes and Natasha came to join you on the carpet “what’s your dolly’s name?” She asked, your cheeks grew a certain red and you giggled “Natasha” you smiled “you named her Natasha? After me?” The agent asked “yeah” you shyly said “why did you do that?” Nat asked again “because you’re my best friend” you smiled up with your y/e/c “you’re my best friend too y/n” Natasha said, feeling her heart open more than it ever had.

-6 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

You were so exhausted. Each time you slept your mind was plagued with demons, running around and throwing very bad memory into your consciousness. Right now was no different .“Y/n?” Natasha cooed “you’re okay y/n, wake up for me sweetheart” she pleaded. You had finally settled at 6am after a night of tears and no sleep. It was 8:30 now, things were going so well, Natasha was thrilled that you were getting some rest at last. “Y/n sweetheart, it’s Natty can you hear me?” She asked. You could hear her calling you but she was too far away, your father dragging you even further and pushing you into the arms of a strange man. Natasha cradled you in her lap, wiling you to wake through her thoughts “I’ve got you darling. It’s okay you’re safe” she continued to say.

Finally the darkness had gone and the overhead light stung your eyes slightly as you rolled away from it, further into Nat’s grip “Natty” you cried out “I’m here baby, I’m here” she said as she gently stoked your hair behind your ear “d- Dreykov” you whispered “its alright y/n. I won’t let him hurt you, he can’t get to you okay” Natasha said to you, and herself. “Do you want sprinkles?” Natasha asked, you nodded your head at the mention of your beloved stuffed bunny. The widow had bought if for you after your first nightmare, she had always wanted a stuffy and she was honoured to gift your first ever one to you.

You wrapped Sprinkles arms around your own while Natasha tucked you back into the soft sheets. “Get some sleep okay sweetheart” she said, bringing her hand back to your forehead, trailing her fingertips across your hair line “okay” you yawned “Natty?” You peered up at her “yeah?” She said as she sat on the plush mattress next to you. “can you sing me a song?” You asked “a song?” Nat asked in return, slightly terrified at the prospect of singing “yeah” you said sleepily “daddy used to sing me lullabies. Be-before he turned scary” you frowned and Natasha lent down to leave a kiss on your forehead, the action taking both of you by surprise “what did daddy used to sing for you?” The widow asked. You hummed in thought for a moment “I don’t remember” you said “how about I sing you one that my mommy used to sing to me?” Natasha smiled at the brief memory “where is your mommy?” You questioned as you rubbed your sore eyes “I don’t know, I haven’t seen her in 15 years” Nat believed Melina had died many years ago but she didn’t want to put that in your head “that’s a long time” you said “it is” Nat nodded “are you going to leave me for 15 years?” You quietly asked, afraid of the answer. Natasha couldn’t promise you anything, her future was just as unclear as yours but she was sure of one thing “I’m not going anywhere y/n” she said “now you close those eyes” her Russian accent filled your ears with a beautiful tune as she began to sing. Her comforting warmth lulling you into a deep slumber.

-7 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

“No.” Natasha firmly said “I’m not going on this mission!” she slammed her hands on the wall “Romanoff” Fury warned, Maria cutting him off “the whole point of you coming here was that you would work under S.H.I.E.L.D” she said “well things have changed!” Natasha yelled “I need you for this mission Natasha” Fury boomed “I have to be here for y/n” Natasha said, scratching at her palms to calm her anger “you can’t stay glued to her side forever” Maria sighed. “You don’t get it!” The widow screamed, loosing all control “then explain it to us!” Fury said, mirroring Nat’s anger. “This is the safest place y/n has ever been but she doesn’t feel it yet.” Natasha began “she won’t feel safe for a long time and I may not be the perfect role model but I am the only one she trusts, the only one who will ever understand the hell she has been through!” Natasha’s voice was cracking, the tears threatening to spill “you both went through it” Maria said, catching the halls attention “they need time Nick” she said looking at her superior “a month is long enough” he said “no it’s not” Maria shot back “only Natasha and y/n can tell us when they’re ready” the brunette came to stand by Nats side, a silent promise that she was there for her. “So what do you need?” Nick asked “time” Natasha said.

“Natty?” You quietly called from the bedroom door, the three adults in the corridor turned their attention to you “hey y/n, are you okay?” Nat asked “why are you shouting?” You mumbled “sorry sweetheart we were just having a little disagreement” the red head said as she came to pick you up. She stopped immediately when you backed away from her “its okay no one’s angry” she cooed coming down to your level “I don’t like it” you sniffled “you sound like daddy” Natasha’s heart sank, she wanted to make a different impact on your life. “I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to scare you” Nat said trying to defuse the situation. Her efforts fell short when Fury announced his exit with the slam of the corridor doors. You flinched and pushed past the red head into Maria’s legs, breaking Natasha’s heart without knowing it. She couldn’t hold it back this time, big strong Nat, the tears started to fall. She quickly stood and turned on her heels walking past you and Maria, intertwined together. “Natasha” the agent called after the widow, her sobs fading and allowing her to hear yours. “It’s alright y/n, let’s go and get a hot chocolate okay”

Natasha caught the faint red stain in the mirror as she turned on her feet, the blood beginning to seep through her pointe shoes. This was the only way to let it all out. She had cried enough, spent too long feeling sorry for herself. Now she needed to make up for her mistake, and she needed to forget the look on your little face. The balletic music filled her head enough that Natasha didn’t notice when Clint came into the studio, only realising he was there when she caught his frame landing from a leap. She continued to twirl until Clint stopped the music “that looks painful” he said as he pointed to Natasha’s shoes, she simply shrugged. “Maria called” Clint began “told me what happened earlier. Why are you punishing yourself?” He asked. There it was again, the feeling of her tears creeping up on her “because I’m a monster” she whispered “No. you’re not” the spy said as he handed his teammate a fresh water bottle. He tilted his gaze to the bench and Natasha understood the message. “You’re allowed to be hurt too you know” Clint said as he passed nat a first aid kit, understanding that she would probably want to tend to her own wounds herself. “This has been a huge scary change for you, and for y/n. It’s not always going to be easy” Clint settled on the bench close to Natasha “she got scared Nat, but she won’t stay scared. I see it in her face, she trusts you, you just reminded her of a time I’m sure she’d rather forget” Nat looked over to her fellow agent every few seconds, in between placing her sneakers back onto her bruised feet “do you remember your second week here?” Clint asked “we were training in the gym. You dodged my right hook and I took you straight to the floor, and you stayed there for an hour. You were afraid, because I reminded you of a time you would rather forget” Natasha thought about the memory in detail, imagining that’s how you must have felt today “but here you are now, sat here with me. And I know you’ll never admit it, but I see it on your face too; I see that you trust me” the two shared a glance, accompanied with a small smile. Feeling content that Natasha was safe to be on her own, Clint left her to ponder. Ponder about you.

When Natasha found you, you were watching finding nemo. You and nat had watched it together for the first time last week. Maria was close by and Natasha wished it was her next to you instead of sprinkles. “Hey y/n” she quietly said, not wanting to startle you “mind if I join you?” She asked from a safe distance, thrilled when you nodded. She sat on the armchair next to the couch and you instantly knew that she was too far away for your liking. Shuffling down of the cushions you made your way over to Natasha and slotted your hand into hers, a large smile forming on her face. You pulled her to her feet and dragged her back to your mountain of blankets, silently asking her to join you, which she of course did. After a while of content movie watching, Maria excused herself, leaving you and Natasha to talk. “Y/n” Nat said, drawing your focus to her “I’m so sorry I scared you today” you looked up to her emerald eyes and saw nothing but regret, a look your father never had. He had never told you he was sorry after shouting and he definitely didn’t after he had thrown you around the house. You knew Natasha was different, every touch to your skin was gentle and every sentence was soft. “I forgive you” you said noticing a tear forming in the corner of Natasha’s eye “don’t cry Natty” you said as you came to your knees and crawled to wipe away her stray tear. “I promise you I will never hurt you y/n, you don’t have to be scared of me” Natasha sniffled “‘M not scared of you” you sat back on your heels “but I am scared of daddy” you admitted “and I’m scared of Dreykov, and the red room. I don’t wanna go back there” Natasha broke hearing you say the very same words she had once pleaded. “You don’t ever have to go back there baby” the red head cried with you “not to the red room and not to daddy, you can stay with me forever” you collapsed into Nats arms and held on tight, you knew you were never letting go “look at me y/n” Natasha said as she lifted your chin with her pinky “it’s okay to be afraid. I’m afraid too sometimes, but me and you are gonna stick together and I will always look after you” he sniffled “I’ll look after you too Natty”

-Week 8 at S.H.I.E.L.D-

Waking up next to Natasha felt safe. She was warm and always had one arm holding you close. The widow had tried to coax you into your own bed, adjacent to her own on the other side of the room. Each night, however, you would always end up cuddled together. Natasha understood it was where you felt most comfortable but still dealing with her own nightmares at the same time was hard, thankfully you were a heavy sleeper but Nat always feared she would startle you awake too.

Today was a big day. You hadn’t been outside of the S.H.I.E.L.D grounds since you arrived, the outside world seeming too scary. Natasha had seen you though, staring up at the city through the fencing. Your little mind was so curious and you had yet to explore the world outside of an abusive environment. You were excitedly nervous when Natasha told you she needed to take a trip to the store, you had never been to one of those before. The red head didn’t really need to go but it was a good excuse to get you out of HQ. She had agreed with Fury that a car of specialist agents would follow close behind, dressed in everyday clothes as to not frighten you although they were ultimately there to protect you. Fury accepted Natasha’s many requests, despite not fully understanding why he needed 10 members of his team watching the surrounding areas.

“Good morning Natty” you said as you gently laid your weight over her stomach, you were clingiest in the morning and Natasha loved it. Thinking back to the first few weeks you were here, it was remarkable that you accepted her loving touch so easily now. “Are you looking forward to our trip out today?” Nat asked “yeah. But ‘M a little nervous” you mumbled behind a yawn “that’s alright sweetheart” Natasha said as she pushed your baby hairs to the side “I’ll keep you safe y/n” she smiled, and you smiled back. The redhead considered asking you if you wanted to go to a cafe for breakfast but thought that might be too much for todays adventure.

“Okay, other foot darling” Natasha said as reached for the laces on your right shoe. “Alright, I think we’re ready to go!” She finished with a gentle pat to your shoe clad foot. You followed Natasha through the building towards the garage area, reaching for her hand every now and then but deciding against it. “Woah!” You said as you helped the redhead push open the door “would you like to pick a car? We’re allowed to take any one that we want!” She said “yes please” you excitedly giggled and instantly moved towards the convertible Volkswagen Beatle. “You wanna take the bug y/n?” Nat asked, you nodded with anticipation and the widow helped you into the car seat Maria had gotten for you.

You were amazed. The trees swaying so freely, all the colours in the bushes just filled with flowers. You couldn’t keep still the entire journey, every corner filling your little mind with wonder. As curious as you were, you failed to catch the unmarked S.H.I.E.L.D car trailing you. Natasha however, was glancing in the mirror every few moments to make sure they were still there, your safety being her number one priority. You got excited when the tall buildings of the city came into view but were immediately disappointed when Natasha took a left turn into a car park. “Ok here we are!” Nat said “do you have the list I gave you sweetheart?” You held up the notepad high to show Natasha you had taken good care of it.

When you reached for Natasha’s hand this time, just outside the shop doors, she obliged straight away. Keeping a tight grip on you and the basket in her other hand, she asked you what was the first item on the list. Natasha didn’t actually need any of the things she had written down but they were basic necessities so would one day become useful. You stayed close to your best friend the entire time, starting to feel slightly overwhelmed as the store filled up with customers. The lights were getting to bright and the mixed sent from each department was too much but as long as Natasha was beside you, you knew you would be okay. “Ok I think we’re all done darling” the redhead said “shall we double check?” She continued as she put down the heavy basket. You began to list of every item on your piece of paper “toothpaste” you said “check” Natasha answered “shampoo”

“Check”

“Soap”

“Check”

“Lotion”

“Check! I think we’re all good!” Natasha finally said after you had ticked of every item. “You’ve been so helpful y/n, how about we go and pick you out a new outfit?” Truth be told you were ready to leave but you had been eyeing up the clothes every time you wandered past “okay” you said and retook Nat’s hand.

You didn’t like this section anymore, at first it had been fun all these bright colours and pretty dresses, but each time you picked something out Natasha would let go of your hand to pull it off the rail. Eventually both your hands were so full of clothes that you had no way to connect, thankfully Natasha had suggested that it was time to leave so you followed close by to the checkout making sure you could see her red locks the entire time. A group of teenagers came charging towards you both, taking you by surprise and causing you drop your new sneakers. You quickly lent down to grab them but when you looked up again Natasha’s red hair was no where to be seen. You immediately panicked, not being able to see the widow, dropping everything in your grasp to run ahead and catch up to her. You expected she would be just around the corner but when you shuffled around on the slippery floor, she wasn’t there. A gentlemen came up behind you with your discarded items “here you go y/n” the man said, causing you to let out a squeal at the unwelcome touch “no go away!” You screamed and ran in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Natasha was frantically searching for you in every isle and around every bend. “Y/n?” She called at every corner. All your shopping was long gone by now, nothing mattered more to Natasha than you did. She ran through the store, halting when she saw agent Carlos holding the clothes and shoes you had picked out. She came crashing into him demanding to know where you were “she got frightened and ran off agent Romanoff” he timidly said, fearing the darkness in the red heads eyes. “Well contact everyone else! Find her!” She demanded and began to race the store in search for you again.

The toy isle seemed a great place to hide, you knocked the boxes of the bottom shelf causing quite a commotion. While pushing the remaining toys out of your way, agent Hill had caught you in the corner of her eye “Romanoff I’ve got her, the toy section” she said into the cuff of her sleeves drawing questioning looks from other customers. Just before you could climb into your hidden safe space, an arm interlocked with your own “no!” You yelled “let me go!” You kicked as Maria pulled you towards her “it’s alright y/n it’s me” she pleaded. Through your teary eyes, you couldn’t quite make out her face and although you recognised her voice she wasn’t who you wanted “no! I want mama! Where’s my mama!” You cried out.

Natasha came speeding down the shop floor, scanning every isle despite knowing where you were. A huddle of onlookers had appeared, Nat simply pushed through them ignoring their huffs of disapproval. She rounded the corner to see you backing away from Maria screaming for your mom, how Natasha’s heart broke, knowing she could never bring her back to you. “Y/n?” The widow said, your head immediately whipping to her direction, your screams stopped for a moment but your howling increased as your eyes met Natasha’s “mama!” You cried as your feet picked up and you ran straight for her. Natasha’s world fell still, you were calling for her. Calling a name she had only dreamed of one day hearing and knew she never would. “Mommy!” you cried once more as Natasha’s world came back to life, her own feet leading her towards you. “Come here baby girl!” She said, and moments later your bodies collided into the most loving embrace the two of you had ever witnessed “mommy’s here y/n” she said into your ear as you cried into her shoulder “please don’t leave me mommy!” You sobbed “I’m not going anywhere y/n, I promise” Natasha said “mama’s got you. Let’s go home baby”

That night, Natasha welcomed you into her bed, wanting to hold you close. You had spent all evening trying on your new clothes (Maria had made sure they were purchased along with the toys you had accidentally broken) you had put on a fashion show for your new mama and required her validation for every outfit, not that you needed it. You had worn yourself out before your usual bedtime and Natasha had decided the two of you would have a movie night. Your eyes had fell closed no more than 30 minutes into the first film. Nat turned off the lights, leaving just the one on her bedside table, you shifted as the redhead pulled the duvet up to cover you both “mh” you whined “mama” you huffed as you cuddled into her side “I’m here sweetheart” your mommy said, holding you tightly in her arms. You fell soundly asleep in the arms of your mom, the woman you love most in the world. As for Natasha, she fell asleep holding in her hands what had only ever been a dream. A dream the red room had tried to take away from her, yet here she was holding her daughter, holding you.

————

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written so I apologise if there’s any mistakes I tried my best to get it done quickly as well and with my dyslexic ass there’s probably mistakes all over it

Happy new year guys🩷

[stayandot8]

Caught In The Blast

Genre: angsty mess

Relationship type: exes

Important Contents: slight swearing, gahd dayum this hurt to write but enjoy the fruits of my 2-6am labor

WC: 2.1k

mastrlist

The fight was a bad one. The worst one we’d ever had. 

He hadn’t slept, I didn’t either. We were both in bad head spaces, I know that now. It was a conversation that never should have happened. It was a perfect storm of everything that could have gone wrong, did. 

He had just come back from tour, which explained why he had his bags wih him. He came straight from the airport to my apartment, where I had been up waiting for him. He was four hours late, which he swore up and down wasn’t his fault. I tried to believe him, but there was a voice in the back of my head that told me he was lying for some reason. I had no grain of evidence for this accusation, yet I had convinced myself that this anthill was indeed the mountain I would die on. 

He came in the door in a bad mood. The air around him was just exhausted and defeated, not normal to how he would come home from previous tour months. He almost threw his luggage down when he entered and sighed so loud I heard it across the room. Already irritated with how late he was, I checked the clock for the fourth time that hour and said the worst thing imaginable to start a conversation with your boyfriend that you haven’t seen in six months when you can already tell he’s in a bad mood. 

“You’re late again.”

A great start.

“I know. I told you I was gonna be.” 

“I just wasn’t expecting you to be four fucking hours late, Chris. That’s all.”

“Well I didn’t fly the plane, I don’t know what you would’ve wanted me to do.”

“Did you come straight from the airport or did you sneak off to the studio again? You have a tendency to do that.”

“Really? This again? Come on, I literally have my bags with me. I wanted to see you, so I came straight here. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yeah, it is actually when we haven’t talked on the phone since you were in Japan. Especially when we talked every night before that.” I said that last part under my breath, not quite hoping he wouldn’t hear it, but rather just in case the pang in my chest that I would regret it later was right. 

“Well, shit got busy, I don’t know what you want me to say. The closer we got to the end, the more tired I was.” Or was it because you didn’t miss me? 

“A text telling me that wasn’t too much to do, was it? I just don’t see what would’ve been so hard about-”

“Look. I just landed, I came straight here, and all I want to do is sleep.” He dragged his bags into my room and left me alone in the living room, seething. I wasn’t about to let him off the hook like that, no. My innermost need to win any argument, a quality I got from my mother, wouldn’t let me. So I followed him into the bedroom to see him packing up some of his stuff into his bags.

“What are you doing?”

“I came here to be with my girlfriend after being away for months but if you’re going to be like this, then I’m going back to mine. I know I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

“When I’M being like this? Like what? I’m just being honest. A text isn’t too much to ask for, is it Chris? I feel like I haven’t talked to you in what feels like years and you come back and act like you don’t even want to be here! How am I supposed to react to that? What would you like me to say? I missed you so excuse me for wanting to know-”

“What am I supposed to say? ‘I’m sorry for being busy’? ‘I’m sorry that my job keeps me fucking exhausted all the time and I’m sorry that I can’t be there for you all the time’? This is my job, this is my life. This is what I signed up for. I have no room to complain about anything to anyone. Just,” He turned away from me to make for the connected bathroom. “Let me grab my stuff and I’ll be out of here.” 

“Maybe when you eventually get back, I’ll be a happy, normal person again who never questions you and will always just be happy to see you whenever you grace me with your presence.” I turned to grab my stuff to storm out, ever the drama queen. “And if you see my boyfriend anywhere, let me know. Tell him to call me.”

“And when you find my girlfriend, tell her when she stops being a bitch for no reason, to come and find me.” He’d never called me that before. I don’t think he’d ever called anyone that before. It had come out of nowhere, seemingly from the depths of his chest with how much vigor he said it with. It was such a surprise that I dropped my coat and shoes on the floor. And then the rage hit. 

“What did you just say?” I said to the door, not wanting to turn around. I couldn’t believe my ears. 

“I knew I would regret that as soon as I said it.” I heard his voice come closer, but he knew better than to try and touch me. “I’m sorry.” The first apology of the night. “I shouldn’t have let my anger get the better of me. I haven’t slept and I’m not in my right mind.”

“You’re damn right you’re not in your right mind. And if this is what your ‘job’ has turned you into after this long, I’m not sure I can keep up. The man I know would never do that, no matter how stressed or how tired he was. He wouldn’t act like this.”

“This isn’t me, you know that.”

“I’m not sure what I know anymore.” I finally turned to him, my cheeks wet with my silent tears and my things forgotten on the floor. “What happened to you?” 

“It’s too much to explain, you wouldn’t understand it all.”

“Then help me understand! I want to, so please just help me. Help me see the world of your profession through your eyes.”

“That’s just it! I can't! It’s not just a profession at this point. It has turned into my whole life. My whole life is under the control of people who don’t know me unless I make myself heard. I have to fight for my voice and sometimes even that isn’t enough. I’m not just fighting for me, I have seven other people I need to make sure whose voices are heard.” 

“I know that, Chan. I know it’s not just you. But there comes a time when you have to put yourself first or else there won’t be anything left for you to fight with.”

“If you think that I wouldn’t fight until I have nothing left, then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” 

“That kind of talk is self-destructive, Chan. You’re going to implode. There will be pieces of you on the walls of the JYP building. And you’re going to take me down with you.”

“If there are pieces of me left, then at least I will have made my mark on something. And I wouldn’t want my ‘self-destructive talk’ to infect anyone else, so I guess there should be as much distance between us as possible.” He pushed past me to get into my room, his empty bags in his hands. He started gathering his stuff and throwing it on my bed to pack it. “Wouldn’t want you to get caught in the blast.” 

“Oh yeah, because I wouldn’t be there to pick them up like I have a dozen times before. Because everytime you call I’m there. Whenever you need me, I ran to you. But when I need you, where are you? I know you love to make everyone feel loved but when it counts? You feel like you’re being pulled in a thousand directions but why is that? Do you not put yourself there? You don’t help yourself! To the point where no one else can help either because we don’t know how!”

“Like you’ve ever asked how you can help me! You’re so focused on what’s wrong that you don’t see what’s right in front of you. I’m withering away and there’s nothing I can do! Nothing anyone can do…”

He collapsed onto the floor, in the middle of his half-packed bags, and curled into himself. Just like I had said, there was nothing I could do for him now. I had no ideas, no suggestions, no solutions for him. 

I loved him. I knew in that moment I did. I knew it from the moment I met him and from that point on I would for as long as I lived. But I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn’t watch him self-destruct. If this was what it took for him to realize what he was doing to himself, then maybe it had to be done. 

He grabbed his zip-up Mahagrid hoodie he used to wear for his lives that he had to do while he was at my house. I slept in it every night when he wasn’t here, which had been often nowadays.

“Can you at least leave that?”

“Why?” His tone was dead. 

“You barely wear it anymore and you know it's my favorite. You’ve seen how often I sleep in it. Are you that bitter that you wouldn't let me have it?”

“Yeah, actually. It’s mine and I’m keeping it.” And he shoved it into his bag and zipped it up. “You’ll be fine.” There wasn’t any malice in his tone there, more like… remorse, if I had to put a name to it. Like he didn’t want to do it but had to to soothe some inner turmoil he was currently going through. He gathered his bags and gently shoved past me in the doorway. I think he believed I would try and stop him. One more disappointment to give him and on his way out, no less. He slowed when he got to the door and stopped when his hand had reached the door handle. It was like he didn't want to leave because he knew there was no coming back. In some way, I think he knew that this was the last straw and this…this would be the last time he knew that he would be on this side of that door. So I said the only thing I could think of that I knew was still true and would be until the day I stopped breathing.

“I love you, Chris.”

“I know.” And he closed the door gently behind him. 

That was three days ago. My apartment was now littered with used tissues and empty cups of whatever I had in the fridge because it was the only thing I could keep down. I knew I did the right thing. That didn’t make it any easier. And honestly, I expected a text at the very least by now, but my phone was still black across the counter in the kitchen. I felt like I had been staring at it everyday when I woke up until the moment I fell asleep. I spent the last 72 hours moping around my apartment, doing nothing but avoiding the calls from my parents, friends, and anyone whose name wasn’t Chris Bang. Which never came. 

Staring at the contents of my fridge, I couldn’t help the chill that shot down my spine. I had to settle for one of my own hoodies, not nearly giving the sense of home that I had been very dearly missing for the past three days. The fuzz of this sweatshirt just wasn’t cutting it and to be real with myself, I missed him. I fucking missed him a lot. 

God damnit. 

There was nothing in this fridge. Who was I kidding, I hadn’t gone shopping in a week and it was starting to show. The shelves were empty and for the first time, I was actually starting to feel the hunger. Swallowing what little self-respect I had, I put on my shoes, grabbed my keys, and opened my front door.

And there it was, in its black and white lettering glory. Sitting in a cardboard box was his zip-up hoodie. No letter, nothing else in the box, just this. The last piece of him that I would have, thanks to him. 

He would always love me. Just like I would always love him. Nothing would ever change that. Maybe later in life, we could come back together. There was always that hope. But until then, we would have to settle for this; deep down, I knew that promise to always root for each other still stood. I knew he would keep up his end. 

I never took it off.

[serene-starss]

𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙

Pairing: jutty Taylor & Tobias forge & GN reader & Cosmo sylvan

Warnings: sleep paralysis, nightmares, comfort lol. Requests are open!

Summary: reader recently joined the band and suffers from sleep paralysis, only a certain action can help them get out of it.

It’s 3:21 am on a Sunday night in London, the band had gotten home from the venue and was long past everyone’s showers and phone calls to their loved ones.

It was 3:21 am, on a Sunday night, in London, and there were 2 more hours untill everyone would wake up for the days activities.

5am. Wake up, get ready, pack

5:30am. Breakfast and boarding the bus

6am. Leave the hotel and go to next city or to the venue

It was the same thing every morning and honestly it was fine for you, simple schedules that didn’t make things harder. Currently it was the second week of tour and you were running on only 1 and a half hours of sleep a night.

Your sleeping issues plagued you ever hotel and bus…sleep paralysis taking over when the foggy mindset rested your eyes and relaxed your bones. Freezing like a statue, turning into a corpse and figures swarming you. Words and thoughts in your mind, nightmares that made you feel…real unreal things.

“Just take melatonin!” People suggested before you joined the band, but they didn’t know that it made it worse.

It wasn’t that you were mentally ill- oh no it sure wasn’t- it was just one of the things that stuck with you as you got older

When you first joined you had to give a contract to the manger as well as medical records and such that proved you were fit to be in the group. Now that the bands manager was Tobias, it was honestly more nerve wracking to hand over all your personal information to your future boss.

He didn’t really care, Tobias was a good person they didn’t judge others nevertheless what they were dealing with. It was really just to be sure you weren’t going to put yourself or others in danger on the tour or have condition like a tumor that kept you from flying.

Tobias never mentioned it again, he did ask what it was for you- you assumed it was so he wouldn’t freak out if you started doing some weird shit in the middle of the night.

You explained what it was and how it affected you, even sugaring it up to not sound so pitiful. After all, it was ghost, one of the best bands in your opinion. He was shocked when he heard you, he naturally asked what you do to help it and what he could do as a friend. You greatly admired his sense of friendship and care towards everyone, he really was a “tender father”.

“Sometimes it helps bring me back to this sort of world by tapping or rubbing my limb or back in a rhythm I know that I can focus on.” You say, “it helps me focus on what’s real.”

After that, you shook hands and joined the band. Months later and many practices after you started tour.

You had put up with the terrors every night so far, by not going to sleep or very…very…embarrassingly petting a small shark plushie you had since you were a child. It was embarrassing but it was better than sobbing more than usual to sleep.

Another thing, you literally cried every night due to them. Rather it be in the terrors or after and before, you tried to muffle it to not wake up whoever you were sharing a hard hotel bed with or whoever was around your bunk on the bus.

But this night, it was worse…perhaps from bottling it all up and the lack of sleep wrecking your corpse feeling form.

3:36 in the morning, and it’s hard to contain sobs as you can’t move your arms or mouth. Holding breath…only makes the gasp for air after louder each time. You can feel the bed shaking and you pray to everything that exists that the guy beside you doesn’t wake up.

Now that you think about it, you forgot who was paired with you, it swapped every night. You couldn’t care who slept with you, the fact that it wasn’t even gender based told you enough that everyone trusted each other life family to not get freaky in the middle of the night.

In your peripherals you see jutty soundly asleep, “of all nights….” You think as he softly snores with his mouth agape.

He was the lightest sleeper in the group, of all night…and to think the most energetic guy on stage was the hardest sleeper baffled you.

They all had traits of sleep, not that you watched, it’s just being up all night you had nothing else to do but notice their presence.

Jutty, light sleeper and sometimes talks.

Per, sleeps like a log and doesn’t move once, he also sleeps with a hoodie on including the hood and thick pajama pants.

Randy, didn’t know what sharing leg room was.

Cosmo, he also must’ve forgotten that there was only one blanket.

Hayden, snores like the devil…

The girls? They all were perfect to share a bed with!

Tobias? He went to bed three hours after the unassigned assigned curfew and often passed out from the amount of melatonin he takes but is up an hour before alarms dressed for breakfast with a smile.

Whatever luck had gotten light sleeper boy in this bed obviously hated you.

More tears soaked into the pillows on your side, and when you finally got out of it you quickly gasped and rolled over facing the wall.

“Shit…” you hope it didn’t wake him up, you softly sniffle, broken cries muffled by your hands and T shirt.

“Are you alright?” A soft and groggy voice says quietly as a hand sets on your shoulder.

With a slight jump, you pretend to be asleep.

“Dude…I know your awake?” He says a little dramatically.

His hand softly rubs your back as he notices the tear stains on the pillows, “everything…alright?” He asks again

You sniffle, giving away more that you were crying, “I’m ok.”

“Why are you crying?” He whispers, he doesn’t sound nosey but genuinely concerned.

“Uhm…” you sigh, “just uh, I have sleep paralysis…”

He makes a knowing sound, “ohh, I’m sorry jack,” he pats your shoulder

“You can go back to sleep…” you say awkwardly,

“Do you need anything? Water? Crackers? Fresh air?” He asks a little worried

“No I just..” you sigh, giving up on not worrying him, “I just sometimes need help getting out of it.”

Jutty is too kind of a person to not care, being mean to each other was the popular sarcastic humor but his personality always shined through.

“How do you do that?” He asks curiously

You tell him about the tapping back you do, and explain how focusing on a rhythm helps.

“Oh…well….i get that, I’ll try if you have it again. Wake me up if you have it again.” He says sweetly

Besides the fact the whole point was that you couldn’t move, you nodded with a smile.

The next day, everyone exhaustedly climbs into their bunks as they get back from dinner.

After a few hours of sitting in the couched area of the bus as it departs, you head to your bunk. You knew you needed to turn off your work laptop, to not wake others with the light as Tobias himself headed to his bunk. You kept yourself busy every night with school, trying to finish an online course for your own education.

Hours later, you are stuck in another possession moment.

Can’t move.

Can’t speak.

Can’t communicate.

Can barely think…

This one’s worse than the previous one, this time the things in your nightmare are even more realistic. You want to be awake. You are awake. You are aware. But you can’t do anything to protect yourself. In this moment you need someone to wake you, you need someone to help you out of this hell.

And suddenly there is a tap on your shoulder, it feels- tap tap, tap tap tap tap, tap tap, tap tap tap a soft stroke of a tune that you can feel. Noticing it as the bass line for absolution.

You focus, on whoever was helping you as you stared into the top of the bunk.

After a minute and a half you escape the hellish realm you were stuck in and rub your eyes. Your breathing shutters as you struggle for air.

“Are you out?” Cosmos tiered voice says across from you, his hand still on your arm.

“Cosmo?” You roll over, “how did you know, to do that?” Your croaking exhausted voice asks

“Jutty told me and per at dinner, I don’t think he meant too,” he says as he props himself on an elbow.

“Oh, that’s alright…I suppose it’s helpful…” you say

“Sorry you have to deal with that,” Cosmo said again, “perhaps listening to something to sleep will help?” He suggests

“Maybe, but thank you, I’ll try it.” You say softly as he retracts his arm from across the narrow bus hallway.

“Get some rest.”

[ghoststyles]

Fairway to Heaven - Part 6

WC: 8.8K

Part 1| Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

_________________________________________________________________

Instead of hurt, betrayal or disgust, Briar feels heartbroken. Heartbroken Harry had to endure that. She moves closer, embracing him in a hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he violently cries into her shoulder. She rubs circles on his back, letting him get out his upset and frustration. 

“You didn’t deserve that. At all,” Briar says softly. Harry nods, just thankful she’s not upset at him. It took him years of therapy to be able to openly speak about his situation. 

“Do you know his name?”

“Oliver,” Harry rasps. 

“That’s beautiful. I bet he looks so much like you. I bet he has your kind eyes. Your charm. Your ability to make anyone feel special. I bet he’s clumsy like you. And I bet he’d like to meet you, too,” Briar says slowly. 

Harry cries harder, the sobs wracking his body.

They sit there for over an hour before Harry finally calms down. He musters up the courage to look at her. His eyes are so puffy and red, and snot is dripping from his nose.

“I understand if you’re upset with me, and if you never want to see me again,” he sighs in defeat. 

“Harry, look at me,” Briar grabs his face and runs her thumb along his cheek. “I’m absolutely not mad. I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone. I want to help you deal with this, whatever way you need to.”

“Thank you,” he whispers. “I think I want to sleep for a while.” 

“Of course, let’s go up.”

~

“Harry, baby. Wake up,” Briar whispers, gently waking Harry from his sleep. It’s well past 11AM. She called Niall to let him know Harry isn’t feeling well. 

Harry stirs, the memories of last night flooding his mind. He’s not even sure if he slept. Briar runs her finger nails along his back, gently soothing him.

“I called us both out of work today, so we’re going to spend it how you want to.”

Harry exhales. He can’t even think of the last time he took a day off. Or the last time he had a panic attack. The two probably coincide.

When Camille left him, he buried himself in work. He quickly rose to the top as an associate, eventually becoming a manager. Now that his predecessors are retiring, Harry sometimes works from 6AM until 8PM. Even on Christmas Day. 

He takes some labored deep breaths.

“Can we go get breakfast?” 

Briar scrunches her eyebrows, not expecting his answer.

“Of course. Take your time getting dressed.” 

Briar leaves the room, already having been up and dressed for hours. She tossed and turned wondering how anyone could treat him that way. Harry loves so strongly and so deeply. She already knows he’d be an incredible father, based on his love for Gus. But, she didn’t know him in his 20’s and 30’s. Maybe he wasn’t as mature as he his now.

Her heart broke again watching him sleep. He looked sad, even when unconscious.

Harry eventually comes downstairs, slowly and solemnly. He pets Gus, reveling in his fluff. He is truly their emotional support dog.

“C-can we go to this place to get a full English? You’ve had it before, right?”

“Yes, when I went to London in high school. Will you eat my beans?”

Harry laughs softly, “Yes, I’ll eat your beans.”

She guides him out to her car, knowing he’s probably not in a state to drive. She’s too nervous to drive his nice car. It’s a beautiful day, so she took the top of her jeep off. She can’t wait to see his hair flying in the wind.

They pull up to his requested breakfast spot. The parking lot is a little deserted. She is relieved, because if he needs to cry a little he can do so without judgement.

The waitress greets them with a chipper tone, but quickly adjusts based on their sad demeanor. Briar orders them both a coffee and full English breakfasts. 

They sit in silence for a while.

“I know I don’t know her, but, should you call your mom? Is this something you’d talk to her about?” 

“I did in the beginning; my sister, too. But then it just became a cycle of discussing the same thing over and over. So I just stopped bringing it up.”

Briar nods, knowing the feeling. After her dad died, she was enrolled in therapy. As a 6 year old, she didn’t have much else to talk about. 

“I saw a therapist for a while. I was a little unwilling to talk about any of my other issues, so after a while they just gave me a prescription and sent me on my way. I felt like I got kicked out.” 

Briar grabs his hand across the table, squeezing it. “That’s the tough part of it; they give you the tools and you’re supposed to just figure out how to use them. There were so many times I just wished my therapist had told me what to do and what to say.”

Harry hums. The food arrives a few minutes later. He gently breaks his egg yolk, “I’d really like you to meet my mum and sister.”

She smiles, “Aw, yes, I’d love to. It didn’t even cross my mind since you met mine so early on. Well, not my mom, I guess.”

“When was the last time you saw her?” He asks, happy to move onto a different topic.

Briar blows air out of her mouth as she tries to recall the last time she saw her mother. 

“Christmas, I guess.” 

“Can I meet her? Or do you just want to wait until it happens organically?” 

“No, no. I should call her soon, anyway. I’ll try and set something up,” Briar says, pushing her food around. She supposes they're both facing their demons head-on today. “Do you mind if my brothers come? They usually need to be coerced into seeing her.”

“Of course not. Whatever is most comfortable for you guys.” 

They eat in silence, only speaking up when the waitress returns to the table every so often.

“I send him birthday cards,” Harry says, staring at his hands.

Briar lifts her head, giving him a look to continue his thought.

“Every year around Christmas time. I’m not even really sure when his birthday is. I’ve never written a note, or anything. I just sign my name ‘Harry’. For all I know, she’s never even told him about me. Or even given him the cards.”

Briar’s sadness returns, evident in her facial expression. 

“H-have you tried contacting your mutual friend? The one that introduced you?”

“I did, years ago. Everything was kind of fresh at that point, and I definitely think he took sides. I’m pretty sure they’re together now. His parents own an art gallery and are involved in high-society over there,” he coughs. “I just look  like a schmuck in comparison. The craziest part of it all, I don’t know what I did to deserve no contact. I’m scared I’ll die never knowing.” 

Briar closes her eyes, willing herself not to cry, “Did you ever fly to France to try and find her? Or her family?” 

“I did. Once. I’d say about 6 months later. I drank whiskey the entire flight to Paris. I didn’t even have any luggage with me. I just marched off the plane and went to where I last knew she lived. I should’ve known her keeping her Paris apartment meant something.” 

“You couldn’t have known,” Briar says softly. 

“I knocked on the door. She opened it so quickly. I think she was expecting someone else. Her jaw dropped, and she tried to close the door on me. I was able to get inside, but she started throwing bottles at me. Then she threatened to get a restraining order against me. She was really showing at that point, so I didn’t want it the police to get involved.” 

Briar is horrified the more he tells her. 

“I went home to my mum’s for a while. Then flew back to the US and just went back to work. I can’t say I’ve done anything substantial since then.” 

“Oh, stop. You renovated a gorgeous house. You started going back to Wynnewood. You’ve become your own boss,” Briar rattles off his accomplishments.

“I just thought I’d be married by now,” Harry chokes up a bit. She moves to his side of the table, leaning her head on his shoulder. 

“I know this is ironic coming from a 23 year old; but, there’s no timeline on life, baby. You faced adversity and are moving on from it. That takes a lot of courage.” 

Harry chuckles, wiping away a stray tear. Briar is so emotionally intelligent for a 23 year old. 

They leave the café, opting to go back to Harry’s house. They grab books from his shelf and read them outside on his comfy lounge chair under the cabana, hoping the sunshine heals them both. Harry eventually dozes off, finally achieving deep sleep after a rocky 24 hours. 

Briar massages his head, twirling his curls in between her fingers. As much as she wants to comfort him, she can’t help her tendencies to meddle. 

She visits Niall’s Instagram, immediately checking his following list. She scrolls, closely examining every profile to find even a tiny breadcrumb that could lead her to Camille. Harry never said her last name, so she’ll have to pull out the big guns of internet stalking.

Nothing stands out tremendously; He doesn’t follow many people. Just a few OnlyFans models, golf companies and Barstool Sports. She spots a familiar name, Lydia…Where does she know that name from?

Briar’s thumb gives one last ditch effort scroll, when she lands on an account: @Fingermonkey

She clicks on it, and her heart immediately stops. Camille. The woman who made her boyfriend lose sight of who he was. The account is public, so she cautiously proceeds. 

She’s a striking woman; she can see why Harry fell for her. She exudes beauty and class. It’s almost palpable.

Briar shudders, unsure if she should continue. She’s on her page for selfish reasons; to see Harry’s son. Her curiosity gets the best of her. She scrolls some more, before stopping at a photo of a tiny hand. Briar bites her lip, staring back down at Harry.

“No going back,” she whispers to herself.

After another few scrolls, she finds what she’s looking for. It’s from around 5 years ago. Camille is holding a tiny boy with dark brown curls and green eyes, bright as day. They’re on the swings, bright smiles adorning their faces. 

Briar feels like she’s been sucker punched in the stomach. He’s a beautiful little boy. A boy Harry never even got the chance to love and help raise. She takes several deep breaths and scrolls back even further to 8 years prior. 

Another blow. The engagement photos.

Briar winces, zooming in. They seem to be taken in California, just as the sun is setting. Camille is holding Harry’s face as she kisses him, the ring being the main focal point. She reads the caption:

J'ai trouvé mon éternité.

I found my forever.

She clicks off Camille’s page, rolling her eyes. She clears the search history, knowing she’s been caught stalking in the past.

Briar has so many questions. 

Does she want Harry to find her? Why is Niall still following her? 

~

Briar is physically at Wynnewood, but mentally elsewhere. After her stalking session, Harry woke up feeling better, so they decided she should go home. As much as he loves her company, he always needs alone time to process things. She was happy to oblige, needing her own time to breathe.

Briar is taking inventory after her shift when she spots Niall on the practice green. A lump forms in her throat, but she knows she needs to confide in him. He smiles, waving her over. 

“Hey, Briar. I heard about the other day. I was up in the clubhouse already when everything went down. How’re you doing?” He asks, pulling her in for a hug.

“I’m good, thanks for asking. Everything was taken care of, so I just needed some time to shake it off.” 

He nods, fiddling with his putter. Niall looks around, not really sure what else to say.

“Hey, Niall, can I ask you something?”

His eyes go wide, clearing his throat, “Listen, if it’s about Lydia and I…”

Finally, it clicks. Lydia from the party. Lydia who told her she’s also dating someone from the club. Briar gasps, “I, uh, what?” 

“Fuck.”

Briar crosses her arms in front of herself, “Um, I was just going to tell you that Harry told me about Camille, and about the baby.”

“Fuuuuck,” Niall scratches the back of his head. “Can you ignore what I said before?”

Briar laughs, “For now. We can talk about that later. I just wanted to see if you had other insight. It was obviously a very emotionally charged conversation.”

“Yeah. Are you off now? Do you want to go inside for a drink?”

She nods and waits for him to clean up his stuff. They walk back to the clubhouse in silence, so Briar grabs a table outside while Niall changes in the locker room. The club is empty enough, so she’s not worried about members seeing them together.

He sits down, sighing, “I-I don’t really know how to proceed. Do you just want to tell me what he’s told you?”

“Sure,” she says quietly. Briar begins filling him in about their dinner at Ashmont and Jonathan revealing more than Harry was willing to share. Her heart races as she shares more details.

“That’s tough, darling. I know he was going to tell you eventually. The situation absolutely wrecked him. It took years to feel like I had my friend back.” 

She nods, biting her lip, staring down at her shoes. Harry bought her a pair of lavender and white New Balances; her initials stitched in the tongue. 

“You’re a very rational person, even at your age,” he smiles, leaning to put his elbows on his knees. “So, I know you’ll both work through it. But, what are your feelings?”

Briar sucks in a breath. “I’m not angry, and I want to support him, of course. But, I can’t help but have this sinking feeling in my stomach. I did some Instagram stalking.”

“You found Camille on there?”

“Yeah, through your account,” she waits for Niall to look back up at her.

He meets her eyes, “I keep a distance. I don’t speak to her or our mutual friends from study abroad. But I like to keep tabs. He’s my mate and I want to protect him.” 

Briar nods, picking the skin at her cuticles. 

“He’s a cute kid, isn’t he?” Niall smiles. 

“Yeah, he is. Harry didn’t deserve that. At all,” she says, sitting back in her seat. “Should I meddle? Or just stay out of it?”

“I would hate to see this kid get any older without meeting his father. And, if you think you’ll be,” he trails off, smiling to himself. “Sticking around for a while, I think you have the influence on him to face it head on.”

“I hope I’ll be sticking around for a while,” she smiles.

~

Briar feels slightly better after talking to Niall. She has to remember to ask Harry if he knew about Lydia. 

Briar was in need of some cathartic release. If Harry was willing to face this obstacle, she’s willing to face hers. She sits in the driver’s seat of her Jeep and scrolls her list of contacts before landing on Catherine Barlowe. 

She dials, going through several cycles before finally being answered on the final ring. 

“Hi, Bri. How are you, sweetheart?”

“Hi, Mom. I’m good, how are you?”

“I’m so good, honey. I’m so happy to hear from you. Dean and I are actually getting ready to move in a few weeks.”

“Oh? Where are you going?” Briar scrunches her eyebrows. That means her mom is selling the house she bought with her dad. The house she lived her first 9 years in before her mother’s addiction led to the 5 of them being placed with her aunt and uncle. 

“I thought your brother may have told you. We’re going to California, honey.”

“Who? I thought the last time we all saw you was at Christmas time? And why California?” 

“Jasper. He comes to see me. A lot more recently. The other boys only contact me when you do. I don’t think I’ll ever hear from Welles on his own,” Catherine sighs. “Dean is from California. He has young daughters, so we’re moving there to be closer to them. You remember? I told you about them.”

Tears begin welling in Briar’s eyes. Her mother, now 4 years sober and remarried gets to go play house with Dean’s young children. Instead of tending to her own.

“Yeah, I remember. There’s three of them, right? But they weren’t at the wedding,” Briar says quietly, remembering the rushed ceremony that took place the week after they finished their program together. Welles was furious, Jasper and Callum didn’t say a word, and Cormac cried the entire time. Patrick couldn’t bear to go. Meredith went in support of the siblings. 

“Yes, he didn’t have custody rights at the time. But, that’s all settled now. We’re so happy, Bri.”

“I’m glad, Mom. Listen, I have to go, but I wanted to see if you’d be interested in going out to lunch soon. I’d like you to meet my boyfriend,” she rasps out.

“That sounds great, honey. Just text me the details. Talk soon.”

“Bye,” Briar chokes, throwing her phone into the passenger seat. She takes a few deep breaths to regulate her breathing. The tears continue to fall as she pulls out of the parking lot of Wynnewood. 

Her phone begins to buzz, seeing Harry’s contact photo pop up.

“Hi,” she says solemnly before placing the phone between her shoulder and ear. 

“Hi, Birdie. Are you okay?” He asks, sensing her tone.

“Yeah, yep, I’m good. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I figured you’re leaving Wynnewood. Was gonna see if you want to grab Gus and come over. I can make us dinner.”

“Um, I’m kind of tired. Think I’m just gonna go home, if that’s alright.”

“No, yeah, of course, love. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes, I promise. I’ll text you when I get home, okay?”

“Okay,” he says softly. “Bye.”

She hangs up, not even bothering to say bye. Briar knows she shouldn’t take it out on Harry, but she’s struggling to hold herself together. She hears a crack of thunder before feeling thick rain drops hit her face.

“Fuck!” 

Briar never put her Wrangler’s roof back on the other day. The droplets get more intense as she nears her apartment. Pulling into her spot, she frantically runs to her storage area to grab her roof parts. 

It’s down pouring now, but she charges forward with her parts, lining them against the car. Her biceps are burning trying to lift the piece on top of the car. Tears are starting to roll down her face, her hair beginning to stick to her neck.

Briar squeezes her eyes closed, defeated as she feels two arms wrap around her. She whips her head around, startled by her boyfriend. 

“What’s going on, love? Let me help,” Harry says, pulling her down from the step of her Jeep. She steps to the side under her apartment’s overhang, watching him effortlessly put the roof of her Jeep back together. He’s absolutely soaked, his gray sweatpants now a charcoal color. She watches the way his back muscles move under his white t-shirt. 

He fastens the parts from the inside of the car before grabbing her backpack in one hand, and her hand in the other. He guides her to her apartment while fumbling with her keys. Gus greets them at the door, unsure who to go to first. 

Harry sits Briar down on her ottoman before grabbing the fuzzy blanket from her sofa.

“What’s going on? I’m a little scared,” Harry says, his eyes full of concern. 

She takes a shaky breath before sobs take over her whole body. She folds in on herself, burrowing into the blanket.

“I-I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she wails. Harry is stunned, unsure what she’s apologizing for.

“I should be supporting you and here I am getting so overwhelmed and then trying to deal with my own bullshit,” Briar cries. He places his hand gently on her back.

“Baby, I’m lost. Did something happen today?”

“I called my mom. She’s moving to California to raise her new husband’s kids,” Briar cries, snot pouring from her nose. “I should’ve fucking known. I don’t even know why I called.”

Harry can’t help but feel a little guilty. He mentioned it at their breakfast to get himself out of the hot seat. She took his bait. 

“And because I can’t stop meddling, I looked up Camille online,” she confesses. “I even talked to Niall about it all.” 

Harry freezes. He figured she would confide in Niall. But he didn’t think she’d look Camille up. He’s too afraid to ask what she found. 

Harry guides her to sit up. He grabs her cheeks with one hand and makes her face him, “Hey. Hey. I need you to breathe, Briar.”

Briar cries harder at his use of her name. She can feel herself start to hyperventilate. He wraps himself around her tight. He holds her until she stops shaking. Gus has brought them 5 of his toys to try and lighten the mood. 

“Gus, go to your bed,” Harry commands, voice deep. Briar flinches. 

She lifts her head, taking in a deep breath.

“I hurt my own feelings today. I went looking for information I shouldn’t’ve,” she admits quietly.

“I think we all do that sometimes. Which part do you want to talk about first?”

Briar loves how diplomatic Harry is. Even when they have their spats, he always makes her feel like an equal partner. She also loves when he completely dominates her in the bed right after.

“W-we can talk about my mom,” she says, assuming that’s the easier of the two. “Her husband has 3 young daughters. So, now my mom gets a do-over. Poof. Our family is just out of the picture.”

Harry sighs. His father did something similar after his parents divorced. It stung for years, and took time to mend. Now they’re very close. 

“That’s awful, Birdie. I’m so sorry. Are you going to see her before she leaves?”

She nods, wiping her nose on his chest, “Yeah, told her about you. Apparently my brother has been visiting her in secret. I’m so angry.”

He smiles lightly, “I’m happy to come along. Or not. Whichever makes you more comfortable. Don’t hold it against him. You all have to deal with things differently.”

“Thank you,” she says.

“Of course, baby. Now, do you want to tell me about the other situation?”

“Only if you want to. I crossed a line,” she starts to cry again.

She wraps her hand within his, squeezing tightly. Comfortable silence is usually never an issue for them, but the tension could be cut with a knife. 

“Well, social media is public information, baby. I could’ve done it years ago, but never did.”

“I saw him,” Briar blurts out. It was now or never.

Harry closes his eyes, feeling nauseous. He takes a deep breath through his nostrils, “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. He’s gorgeous, Harry. Really,” she sniffles. “You shouldn’t give up. She’s wrong for what she did. And I want to help you fight for this.”

He can’t help but feel his heart swell with pride. His tough girl is ready to sit in the trenches with him. To fight the biggest demon holding him back from his happiness.

“I wrote a letter years ago,” Harry starts. “Let’s send it.”

Briar gasps, sitting up to face him, “I don’t want you to feel pressured by me.”

“I’m not. I’m not sure if this is too soon, but I already know I want to keep you around for a long, long time. This will help me get over my last hurdle.”

Briar cradles his face, kissing him gently.

“I’m yours, if you’ll have me.”

They huddle together.

Briar starts to snicker, “Did you have any idea that Niall and Lydia, the server from the club, are dating?”

Harry’s head shoots up, “Huh?” 

“Okay, good. I would’ve been pissed if you hid that from me."

“How’d you find out?”

Briar laughs, “I said, ‘Hey, Niall, can I ask you something?’ And he confessed immediately.” 

Harry throws his head back laughing.

~

Harry is in his study, silently reading his letter from years ago. His tears are falling onto the paper, dotting and blurring the ink. He was 32 when he wrote this. It sounds old, but he was a kid. It was hard to keep him at home. He had access to disposable income, so he used it to its fullest.

Camille lived a simple life, finding pleasure in gardening, reading and going to cafés. Her job always came first, which kept her busy traveling around the world. Harry was restless; always chasing the next big thing, and partying until his body physically shut down. 

It didn’t help that he was a touchy person. Even though Camille had his whole heart, he shamelessly flirted with other women. He let them hang on him at bars, on yachts, and anywhere he could get attention. People in their circle talk; leaving Harry in the hot seat more than once.

He’d be naïve to blame it on Camille’s attachment style. She was generally cold, not showing him much affection. But, nonetheless he pursued her, absolutely enamored by her beauty and grace. 

He was dumb enough to suggest an open relationship one time; about 6 years into the relationship. His needs in bed became too much for Camille. She didn’t understand his need to get off and dominate her. He slept at a hotel every night that week. She gave him an out, but he couldn’t take it. 

When Camille left, he started hooking up with women more regularly. His heart hurt so bad, but he was finally getting his physical needs met. None of them lasted, until Briar. 

Over the course of 8 years, his heart slowly healed. It’s not ideal that Briar is so much younger, and an employee of his country club. There’s a strange power dynamic there. He loved how flustered she got when he looked at her; she still does sometimes, but he can feel the difference. 

They bring encourage each other’s confidence. They drive each other to be a better version of themselves. They feed each other’s deepest desires; scratching every itch that had been culminating over several years. 

Harry begins rewriting the letter; changing the tone from blinding rage, to one of neutrality. He wishes her well. He hopes she’s healed.

From what? He’s not sure. He hopes she understands his point of view, and will consider letting Harry meet his child. He’d do anything at this point. 

He seals up the letter, addressing it to Camille. Not even sure she still lives at this address, he walks it out to his mailbox anyway, lifting the red flag to signal the post man. 

He feels weight lift from his chest that had been there since the day he met Camille.

~

Briar and Harry are sitting at a nice restaurant on the water. She sips gingerly at her mojito while they wait for her mother to arrive. Briar extended the invite to her brothers, but received radio silence from them all. 

She’s anxiously bouncing her leg, to which Harry firmly grasps her thigh as he locks his jaw. She inhales sharply, closing her eyes. After the emotional turmoil they’ve experienced over the last few weeks, their sex life has toned down immensely. She misses his hand around her neck and his dirty whispers. 

“Relax. I’m right here,” Harry whispers in her ear lowly.

Briar gasps when three of her brothers appear from the restaurant’s entryway. Jasper must’ve picked up Callum and Cormac from Patrick’s.

Briar stands to hug her older brothers, while Harry pulls Cormac in for a hug.

“Where’s Welles?”

“Not sure. I haven’t heard from him,” Callum says simply. 

She rolls her eyes. He’s 28, but he is the most immature out of all of them. 

They sit, easing into a conversation with Harry. She’s grateful she can entertain them while she’s somewhere else in her head. He reaches over to lock pinkies. 

Her mother walks in, looking stunning. That’s one thing that Briar has always been jealous of. It’s why her addiction flew under the radar for so long. She was always put together and exuding happiness. But in secret, she was struggling. 

Her strawberry blonde hair is longer than when she saw her last, loose waves falling over her shoulders. She’s in a floor length floral gown, a sweater over her shoulders to fight the chill of the restaurant. 

She spots them after speaking with the hostess, her smile lighting up the room. 

“Hi, my babies!”

Jasper stands to greet her, while her other brothers hold in a groan. She walks around the circular table to press a kiss to Briar’s head, before turning her attention to Harry.

“And who’s this? Don’t think I popped him out,” she laughs, waiting for Harry to stand up.

“Mom, seriously?” Briar grimaces. 

“Hi, I’m Harry. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Harry says smiling, pulling out the chair for her. 

“Pleasure is all mine, Harry. I’m Catherine. Isn’t my daughter incredible?”

Harry smiles, nodding. He can sense Briar’s discomfort. He assumes this praise is just for show. 

Her mother brings up every topic under the sun, effectively avoiding topics regarding Briar’s father, the move, and her new husband.

They eat, letting Cormac talk about school, Callum talk about grad school and his new girlfriend, and Jasper about his new job. Briar realizes she’s done a shit job at talking to her brothers lately. She doesn’t know any of this.

“Where’s Wellie, Briar? Didn’t you invite him?”

“I did. Didn’t hear from him.”

“It would’ve been nice for you to follow up with him,” Catherine snipes. “It’s not everyday I get to see all five of you.”

“Really? How about you? When was the last time you talked to him?” Briar crosses her arms at her mother.

“It doesn’t matter. This is family time,” Catherine raises her eyebrows, waiting for Briar to snap.

“You know all about that, don’t you mom? Just counting down the minutes until you can go play house with Dean’s kids in California.”

Callum and Cormac look between the two women, stunned. Jasper’s eyes widen.

“California?” Callum questions. “Mom, what is she talking about?”

Catherine looks around, “I thought Jasper would’ve filled you all in. I’m moving to California with Dean to be closer to his kids. They’re younger.”

Jasper looks down, pushing the vegetables around on his plate. Callum shakes his head, throwing his napkin on the table before storming off. Cormac starts to cry, to which Harry puts a hand on his back. 

“Mom, how can you leave?” Cormac asks, his lip quivering. 

“Baby, you’re all adults. You don’t need me anymore.”

“I’m only 17, Mom,” Cormac chokes. 

Briar has tears streaking down her face. Briar hasn’t needed her mother since she was 12 years old, hoping and praying for her to come back. Cormac barely knew her; only fantasizing what their relationship could’ve been. 

Harry pays the bill before suggesting Catherine leaves. She nods, standing to grab her purse. She silently looks each of her children in the eye before walking out of the restaurant. 

“I’m sorry, Bri. I thought she changed,” Jasper says solemnly. 

“It’s okay. You deserve to handle your relationship with her however you want.”

Harry and Briar walk out hand in hand after spending 20 minutes consoling her brothers. 

They climb into Harry’s car, silently staring ahead. Harry grabs her hand again.

“That was rough, pup. I’m sorry,” Harry says softly.

“Can we just go home? I miss you, Daddy.”

Harry clears his throat as his cock twitches.

“You have me, Birdie. Let’s go home.”

~

“Be rough with me,” Briar pleads from the bed. “I want it so bad.”

Harry chuckles as he pulls his belt from the loops on his pants. She’s completely bare, her wrists fastened to each corner of the bed. He opts to leave her feet out of the restraints, hoping he can toss her around a bit. 

“Daddy’s been taking it easy on his Birdie for the last couple weeks,” Harry says, trailing his knuckle along her rib cage. She keens, shivering from the light touch. “But don’t think I forgot about your stunt at Ashmont.”

Briar freezes, remembering their escapades. She taunted him, removing her panties in the stall, waiting for him to come after her. It’s a shame the night turned into a disaster soon after. She whines, not sure what else to do.

“Hm? Remember that, Birdie? Words,” he stares straight into her eyes.

“Yes, Daddy. I was naughty,” she bites her lip. 

He doesn’t like that. He shoves his middle and ring fingers into her mouth, choking her a little. “Leave that lip alone. I bite that.”

She purrs around his digits, goosebumps rising on her skin. He removes them from her mouth before sticking them at her core. He barely grazes her folds, seeing how she’ll react. She jerks around, slightly moving her pelvis to meet his hand. 

“Ah, ah. No. You’ll be taken care of how I decide.” 

She nods, swallowing thickly. She’s eating up everything he throws at her.

“Think I’m gonna take my time tonight,” Harry let’s out an exaggerated sigh. Briar whines, pushing her face into her shoulder. “Mm-mm. None of that.” 

Harry pushes Briar’s legs in the air, holding her ankles together, so the lips of her vagina are peaking out between her thighs. He growls at the sight.

“This little pussy is so used to getting what she wants. What does she want tonight, Birdie?”

“Your mouth, Daddy! Please!” Briar balls her fists, wiggling slightly.

Harry spits, watching the liquid drip down her thighs and cunt, “Nah, I’m good.”

Briar’s jaw locks in frustration. She watches as he walks to his closet grabbing her plug and vibrator. He generously applies lube to the plug, gently circling her ass. Briar closes her eyes, laying her head back. 

He gently pushes the plug in past the tight muscle, moving it in and out a little. 

“Oh my godddd,” Briar exhales. Her chest is rising and dropping fast. 

“I think tonight’s the night, baby.”

Briar whines, half out of horniness and the other out of nervousness. He flicks the vibrator on, pressing it firmly on her clit. She throws her head to the side. 

“Look at me. Don’t look over there,” Harry threatens, increasing the speed. 

She wills her eyes open, staring into his, her mouth opening slightly. The tension is building in her pelvis. She’s sure to come once he starts circling the vibrator on her clit; his signature move. Within seconds of him doing that, she’s crumbling. 

Harry shuts off the vibrator and adjusts her leg position so her legs are open wide, one resting on his shoulder.

“Wanna see your pretty face when I fuck your ass,” He says, peppering kisses on her face and neck.

“Please,” Briar whispers. 

Harry reaches between them and pulls the plug out and tosses it on the floor. He’ll clean it later. He extends his hand to rest in front of her face. 

“Spit.”

She spits on his fingertips, a line of spit connecting them to her lips. He lowers his hand to lightly touch her hole before inserting his middle finger. Briar groans, pulling on her restraints. He quickly inserts another, rocking them in and out of her gently. 

Harry’s cock is neglected, standing tall and proud, nearly touching the tip to his torso. Briar begins to panic, unsure if his girth will fit in there.

“Relax, baby. I got you. Do you remember your word?” He says, petting her cheek.

“Bogey,” she says softly. 

“Good girl,” he kisses her again. Harry has never withheld kisses, even in her worst punishments. “One more and then we’ll go for it, okay?”

“Mhm,” she nods, a single tear escaping her eye. She trusts her boyfriend with her entire being, but her heart rate is skyrocketing. 

The third digit enters her, eliciting a whine. Harry flexes his fingers, giving her a delicious stretch. A thick layer of sweat has formed behind her knees and on her forehead. 

Harry kisses her forehead, licking the saltiness from his lips, “All good, Birdie. Doing so well for me.”

After a few more minutes of stretching her out, Harry pulls his fingers out and lowers himself to be eye level with her ass. He licks a long stripe over the now open hole. Briar shivers, pulling on the restraints.

Harry rises from his spot on the bed to pull his underwear all the way off, his cock bobbing as he moves. He grips his length firmly, giving himself a few generous pumps. He kneels over her, undoing her right hand’s restraint. She looks at him curiously, but understands when he entwines their hands. 

He uses his right hand to line himself up at her delicate center. Briar sucks in a breath in anticipation. Harry presses the bulbous head of his dick in, groaning as he moves. His pace is painstaking, taking in every facial expression from the angel below him. 

“Such a good girl. Letting Daddy be the only one to fuck this little hole,” he pants, nostrils flaring. His forehead is starting to drip with sweat.

“Only you,” she whines as he pushes in little by little.

“Let me know if you need me to stop and take a break, lovie.”

She furiously shakes her head, still holding in a breath. Harry is finally working his way up to full thrusts.

“Breathe with me,” Harry pleads. “1,2,3, exhale.”

Briar feels high. That breath sent her senses all the way to her pussy.

“Daddy,” Briar breathes heavily. 

“What do you need, baby?”

“Fingers. I-In my pussy,” she cries. “Please.” 

“Okay, baby. I know y’empty in there,” he smiles down at her lovingly as he untangles their fingers so he can stick them inside. “So wet f’me.”

The sensations are too much once he starts petting her g-spot with his fingers.

“Coming, Daddy,” she babbles.

“Go ahead, Birdie. So fucking proud of you.”

She squeezes her eyes closed, letting out a cry of relief as she hits her wall. 

Harry chuckles at her babbling. She is fucked out to high heaven. He wants one more out of her before he comes. He alternates thrusting into her ass and fingering her pussy. He releases her other hand from the restraint. She’s too distracted, so her hand remains in the same spot.

“Rub your little clit, baby. One more f’me.”

“Ugggghnnnn,” Briar whines, drool coming out of her mouth. She circles her clit three more times before she’s clenching hard on his fingers and cock.

The squeeze of her ass pushes Harry into his own orgasm, a ringing forming in his ear. He gives two last lazy thrusts, emptying himself into her. He closes his eyes and hangs his head low before slowly pulling out.

Briar squawks, so he shushes her gently. Harry could come again at the sight in front of him. His come is leaking out of her ass hole, dripping onto the sheets below. He picks some up with his finger, smearing it on her pussy. She mewls, her head lolling to the side. 

“So fucking good for me. Gorgeous, baby.”

Harry takes a mental image before hustling to the bathroom. He starts the bath, making sure to throw some epsom salt and lavender oil in there. He wets a towel with warm water for Briar, and throws two towels into his towel warmer. 

He reenters the bedroom to find his girl curled up, her back to him. He runs his knuckles down her protruding spine. Harry gently dabs the towel along her labias and ass to clean up.

“Birdie, I ran us a bath. Gonna lift you,” Harry coos. Her eyelashes flutter as she looks up at him with moony eyes.

Harry lifts her from her armpits and knees, and swiftly carries her to the tub. Her eyes are shut, but she rests her head on his chest. He’s become a pro at maneuvering themselves into the tub.

Harry positions Briar at the front of the tub, before finding his seat at the back. He leans forward to pull her body to his chest. Harry closes his eyes and rolls his neck along the edge of the porcelain tub, listening to their uneven breaths.

He plays with Briar’s hair; twirling the long pieces between his fingers. She hasn’t said a word, but he knows she’s elsewhere right now. He moves his fingertips to her scalp, gently scratching around the nape of her neck, hoping she’ll come back to him soon.

“Mmmmm,” Briar hums, smiling to herself.

Harry smiles, increasing the pressure and speed like he’s petting Gus.

“Stop,” Briar whines, her hair now in her face.

“Sorry, Birdie. How do you feel?” 

“Good. Sleepy,” Briar yawns.

“Hungry? I can order us something,” Harry taps her sides.

“Can we have Caesar salads and Diet Cokes?” She cranes her neck to look back at him.

Harry laughs, “Sure, baby.”

“And french fries.”

“You got it,” Harry leans down and kisses her.

~

Briar is staying at Harry’s while he’s in the city for a few in-person meetings. It’s been nice; she does yoga outside in the mornings, takes Gus for walks around the picturesque neighborhood, and cooks using his expensive appliances.

🦊: Hi, Birdie.

🐥: Hi Daddy

🦊: Miss me yet? 

🐥: I like being able to lay sideways in your bed

🦊: You can do that when I’m there.

🐥: You’re too hard

🦊: How’d you know? Send me a picture.

🐥: It’s 10AM. Pay attention to your meeting

🦊: I’m not asking. 

Though Harry isn’t home, Briar still walks around his house scantily clad. An idea to terrorize her boyfriend pops into her head. Bolting up the stairs, Briar grabs her plug from Harry’s special area in his closet. She smirks to herself, feeling the cool metal in her hand. She walks outside, peering over Maureen’s fence to ensure no one will witness what she’s about to do.

She gathers spit in her mouth before lubricating the plug. She places one foot on the lounge chair for leverage, before nudging the plug past her entrance. Waddling around, she moves two lounge chairs to face one another. Propping her phone up on one, she shuffles to the other to get into position. She removes her sleep tank top and silk shorts, staring up into the sky to get some sun on her face.

She kneels, making sure to pop her ass out more. The phone is set to video so she can take screen shots of the poses she likes best. Or just send the whole damn video to him.

She makes sure to twist her body to fake some curves, looking over her shoulder and touching her hair. She fiddles with the plug, making her whine. 

Yup, she’s sending the video.

After a few minutes, she gets up from the lounge chair, being sure to flash the camera. She grabs the phone, scanning it over her body before blowing a kiss.

Delivered

Looking around again, she quickly throws her clothes back on, opting to leave the plug in for the day. Gus joins her outside, laying on the chair opposite hers. She has an urge to shut her phone off completely, just to push Harry’s buttons a little more.

Her quiet morning is interrupted by her ringtone blaring. She picks up without saying anything.

“Do you think you’re funny?”

“Who is this?” Briar is holding back laughter.

“I am in a meeting, little girl. You sent that video when all I told you to send was a photo.”

“So are you jerking yourself in the bathroom?”

“What a fucking mouth on you, huh? And yeah, your little video is causing a problem,” Harry grits.

Briar whines, “Don’t you wish it was my little hand, Daddy? Or my mouth?”

Harry slams his fist against the bathroom stall. His neck vein is protruding as he growls.

Briar is full on smiling to herself. She’s not particularly horny right now, but she’s happy to aid Harry with his issue. She can hear his panting increase before a clattering of the phone. 

“Harry?”

“Fuck, I dropped my phone,” he laughs incredulously.

“Oh my, well, maybe I should let you go,” Briar trails off.

“No, baby. Almost done. Just tell Daddy how much you love,” he groans. “Love him.”

“I love you, Daddy. So much. Come for me,” Briar says, leaning into her chair.

Harry releases into the toilet with a strangled moan. He prays to God the conference room walls are thick. He grabs a wad of toilet paper to wipe down his misfires before flushing.

“Thanks, Birdie. You’re in so much trouble when I’m home. Love you.”

“Okay, bye.”

She hangs up, shaking her head. She looks over her shoulder to see Maureen standing at the fence, watering her plants. Briar gives her a tight smile and wave, to which Maureen grimaces in response.

Briar lounges for a few hours before feeling intense boredom. She cleans a little bit, making sure to dust Harry’s various trinkets from his travels. She lightly wipes a ceramic elephant he got in Thailand, a Russian nesting doll from his time in St. Petersburg, and a clay shark from South Africa. While Harry has been all over the globe, the two share a desire to one day back back in South America. She hopes a llama trinket will one day sit on this shelf. 

It’s been a few weeks since the lunch with Briar’s mom and since Harry sent the letter to Camille. While she’s happy Harry is attempting to get to know his son, Briar can’t help but feel extreme anxiety. Why hasn’t Camille responded? 

The shrill sound of the doorbell and Gus’s subsequent bark breaks Briar’s train of thought. She can see a figure through the frosted glass of Harry’s front door, lingering at the table of snacks designated for delivery drivers. 

Briar can see the UPS logo on the man’s shirt, so she lets him pick his goodies before opening the door. She waved to him as he drives away, looking down at the package at her feet. She wonders if Harry sent her something for when he returns. 

Bending over, she’s surprised at the package’s weight. If it were new lingerie, it’d be light. She bends at the knees, inhaling when she lifts the package. Shooing Gus away, she manages to get the package to Harry’s long kitchen table. 

She’s wracking her brain what it could be. The entire package is wrapped in brown paper. She flips it over to see the label. Harry’s name written in cursive letters using a Sharpie. Her eyes are drawn to the left hand side; the sender.

C. Rowe 4 Rue Dupetit-Thouars Paris, France 75003

A lump forms in Briar’s throat. It’s been a few hours since she talked to Harry this morning. Her fingers start to dial his number.

“If you’re calling for a follow-up to this morning, I have to let you know that Niall is right next to me.”

She hears Niall groan in the background. When she doesn’t laugh or respond, Harry tries again. “Birdie?”

“Hi, I-I wanted to tell you that a package came f-for you,” Briar chokes out. 

Harry scrunches his eyebrows, “Okay, just leave it with the others. Anything else?”

He wants to be sweet with her, but she knows not to call about random things while he’s in meetings.

“I-it’s from Camille.”

Silence. Briar closes her eyes. 

Harry sighs, “I see. Okay, thanks for letting me know, pup. I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon. Are you going to be okay until then?”

“Y-yes, I’ll be fine. I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I’m so nervous.” 

“It’s okay. This whole thing is a little odd. Just try to take your mind off it. Throw it in my office if you don’t feel like seeing it.” 

“Okay, I will. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”

“Love you.”

Harry sighs. Niall looks over at him empathetically. 

“So when were you gonna tell me you’re dating one of the servers?”

Niall’s eyes go wide before rubbing his temples, “She told you?”

“What? Why wouldn’t she? She’s my girlfriend.” 

“We’re not dating. We hooked up once...twice.”

“Mhm,” Harry laughs. “Better nip that in the bud, then.”

Niall groans again just as their next meeting begins.

~

The anticipation is killing Briar. Harry is due home any minute, so she’s pacing between his kitchen and living room. Sitting on the sofa, sitting on the stool, sitting on the chair, standing by the window. She can’t keep still.

She joins Gus in his outburst of barking and running from window to window when they hear Harry’s car pull into the garage. She pokes her head into the garage to see Harry unloading his bags from the back.

She walks over to him, pressing her hands into his chest. 

“Hi, Birdie. Missed you,” Harry says, pressing a kiss to her mouth.

“Welcome home,” she smiles back at him.

She grabs the wheeled suitcase, lifting it over the threshold of the door. 

“Let me change and we can open it,” Harry says simply. Briar’s stomach drops.

“Okay.”

Briar corrals Gus to the sofa, the two of them perching in the corner seat. Harry changed into colorful sweatpants and a t-shirt that says ‘vote vote vote’. He grabbed the package from his office on his way back into the main living room. 

He places the package on the coffee table. The two of them stare at it silently. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to do this alone?”

“Mm, no, it’s okay. If there’s a letter, then I’ll read that on my own.”

Briar nods, waiting for him to open the box.

Harry peels the brown paper from the edges, tearing straight through his and Camille’s names.

He removes the paper in its entirety, examining the oversized shoe box before pulling the lid off. He places it off to the side while peering at the contents. From first glance, it looks like junk. 

He scrunches his eyebrows when he spots one of his old shirts. Did Camille really use this as an opportunity to send his shit back?

He moves the shirt to reveal a few envelopes, a baby rattle, a small pair of vans, a stuffed dog, and drawings. 

Harry opens one of the envelopes to find a stack of Polaroid pictures. He can feel his eyes start to sting. They’re in chronological order, showing his son grow from a tiny baby to an excited 7 year old. Briar has her head on his shoulder, silently viewing the photos. The birth photo has words scribbled in Sharpie at the bottom.

Oliver Styles Rowe  18-11-2016 3.3kgs | 53 cm

Harry is crying now. Briar rubs his back, trying to encourage him to keep going. 

He flips through the photo, feeling vomit bubble up his throat. This kid looks like a lot of fun. Fun that’s killing him to not have been a part of. Camille keeps him well travelled; there are photos from Tokyo, Australia and Mexico. 

Unlike most babies, Harry’s had his signature curls from the start. Briar gasps at the photos as they get closer to present day. Oliver is Harry’s twin. 

Oliver receives great marks in school; he’s pictured with several certificates and trophies. He even seems to be a footballer. 

Harry puts the stack on the coffee table, turning to face Briar. 

“Wow,” Harry says, wiping a tear from his eye.

“What’re you thinking?” 

“Just heartbroken all over again.” 

~

Harry went into his office to read the letter. He stops at his bar cart to pour himself some tequila.

It’s short, but gives Harry some closure. Over the last 8 years, Camille embraced motherhood by focusing less on work. She meditates, volunteers regularly, and is extremely involved at school activities.

She and Theo, their mutual friend from study abroad, have been together since she moved back. That sends a pang to Harry’s heart. They got married about 5 years ago, and have a little girl named Amélie. She only talks a little about Oliver, saying how much he reminds her of Harry. 

Camille apologizes, which Harry didn’t expect. She recognizes cutting him off from his son was wrong. She also left her contact information, followed by the last line. 

He would love to meet you. I think it’s time. 

C

Tears are fully falling on Harry’s cheeks as the heaviness of the last 8 years hits him. His son has Styles in his name. He smiles to himself, feeling the butterflies in his stomach. 

He shoves the letter in his desk drawer before wiping his eyes. He joins Briar and Gus back in the living room cozied up by the fire.

____________________________________________________________________

OHM YGOD. SOMEONE PLZ TALK TO ME AB BIRDIE AND HARRY I AM LIVINGGGGG

Taglist:

@daphnesutton​ @pandeebearstyles​ @anxiouswaterss​ @gem1712 @stylesfever​ @awesomenavy​ @crazygirlinthisworld​ @butdaddyilovehim-hs​ @luxiorchive​ @alchemxx @narry-heart 

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

A Day Off | Modern!AU Fluff Drabble

✧ word count ➼ ~600 ✧ notes ➼ just overall sweetness 💕, I think I originally meant to write this for Levi Week but the writing gremlin wasn't cooperating

Levi wasn't used to having days off. It just wasn't a thing for him. Sure, he'd have the occasional day in which he didn't have as much to do when compared to some of the busier ones that required him to be moving on his feet 100% of the time.

It was only 6am. In typical Levi fashion, he was wide awake. The concept of time didn't really matter to him. His sleep was on and off. It didn't matter if it was the morning, afternoon, or night. He never got more than 2 hours of sleep at a time.

Normally, he'd be out of the house and in his office by now. If he couldn't sleep, he might as well work. However, the office was closed today for a holiday and he even finished all of his remote work the previous day. There was literally nothing he could do other than to lie in bed.

Plus, moving wasn't really a realistic option.

Levi tilted his head as he looked down at you. Your head was resting on his chest, breathing gently as you peacefully slept. Your hair was slightly ruffled from rolling around in bed throughout the night and you had bunched up the blanket around your feet after getting too warm. His arm was wrapped around your shoulders, with his hand gently resting on your waist.

He'd have to move you if he wanted to get up. He didn't want to move you. Levi knew that you occasionally struggled with sleep as well, so waking you was the last thing he wanted to do.

He knew it was futile, but he tried anyway. He slowly unwrapped his arm from around you and gently began moving towards the side of the bed, hoping to get out from under you without fully waking you.

Almost immediately, your arm that was wrapped around his waist tightened as you squeezed, forming a firm grip around him, trapping him in bed unless he wanted to physically pry you off him.

Being too sleepy to fully form words, a soft whine escaped your lips before you further dug your face into his bare chest.

Although he knew this was going to happen, he still let out an annoyed sigh.

"It's only 6am," you eventually protested, your voice hoarse from just waking up, being able to vaguely tell the time from the small amount of sunlight peeking above the horizon and into the room from the windows. Your bottom lip stuck out into a pout.

"And I'm usually already up by now," he reasoned, trying once more to get up.

"It's your day off," you countered, further tightening your grip on him, determined to keep him in bed.

"Doesn't mean shit," he grumbled, which prompted you to finally open your eyes and frown at him.

Levi knew you were going to be reluctant to let him get up. His attention had been primarily taken up with work for the past week and a half. Even your weekly date night had to get moved because he was drowning in work.

He realistically knew that he wasn't going to be getting out of bed anytime soon. Sure, he could force you off him, but that sounded like a pain in the ass to deal with because he knew that you would just get all bratty about it.

"You're such a little shit," he grumbled as he finally laid back down, wrapping his arm around your back again, pulling you in, fighting against his temptation to smile once he saw you happily snuggling up against him again.

Sometimes days off weren't so bad.

#: @chaotic-on-main @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @moonmalice @averysmolbear @cathybarn @tclbts @emiwhore @bejewelledd @sad-darksoul @ackermendick @aomi04 @apolloshaiku @laraackerman @pulpolicia @raenacreates @nube55 @roseofdarknessblog @saenora @noctemys @sixpennydame @sleepyfairyxo @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @catskze @nixie-writes-aot @la-undercover-latina @v4mp-wife @darkstarlight82 @professorweezy join my taglist!

[brighter-by-the-daly]

Rachel Daly x Reader

Part Nineteen - Surrounded

You’d never been on such a long flight before, Florida had been the furthest you’ve traveled but that was when you were young and barely within memory. A feeling of dread sunk into you the night before - over 30 hours of travelling in a flying tin tube can do that to a person. The thought of exciting spontaneity had drifted away in the early hours of the morning and had been replaced with stomach churning anxiety. Unable to sleep as Rach snored loudly next to you, the more she breathed the more you were getting frustrated; knowing that if you’re not well slept you get grumpy and that’s the last impression you want to make in front of everyone.. although you’re sure that you won’t be the only nervous flyer on the plane tomorrow, well today seeing as it’s 2am now. Putting up with Rachel’s snoring was getting hard to bare, every breath was a reminder that she was asleep and you were not. You’re used to falling asleep first and being a deep sleeper the snoring never usually bothers you but tonight it felt like world war three was boiling up in your stomach. In a desperate attempt not to project your frustrations onto your girlfriend you decided to get up and run on the treadmill for a while - you’d been working out a lot more now there’s a gym in the house. You ran until your body felt tired then had a warm shower but that was a mistake as it only woke you up again. Moving into the lounge where your suitcases were waiting you sat and stared at them for a while until something took over your body and made you pull everything out of them. Convinced you’d forgotten something and your mind beyond able to listen to reasoning made your arms frantically unpack everything you’d squeezed in, albeit most of the stuff probably unnecessary. The words of your girlfriend “if we forget something, we can just buy it” far off in the distance. You’re not used to having spare money to spend on stuff needlessly, if you have it already it’s coming. Unfortunately half way through packing everything back into it’s place, you fell asleep.

Awakening to a slight shake of your body you opened one eye to see Rach staring down at you from above “what’s happened here then?” her soft morning voice broke the silence. Grunting in realisation you’d fallen asleep surrounded by your belongings and were using them as a blanket, you wedged your eyes shut determined to get more zzz’s. “I couldn’t sleep” you mumbled trying to force her to stop talking and leave you alone. “What’s the time?” you asked hoping beyond anything that you’d at least got a few hours but when Rach said it was 6am you could not control your disappointment that she’d woken you up. “Just leave me, I’ll tidy this up later” pulling a pair of shorts over your eyes to block out the sun. “I’m not leaving you in the middle of the floor (y/n/n), come on” Rach bent down and scooped your tired body into her arms to carry you upstairs, laying you gently on the bed she sat with you for a while stroking your hair until you fell back to sleep.

Rachel’s morning hadn’t started quite the way she’d expected it to, making herself a cuppa tea and sitting cross legged on the floor to pack up your suitcase again. She wasn’t angry, she knew this was out of the ordinary for you and had wondered when the anxiety was going to kick in. A few hours passed when she heard you stirring so flicked the kettle on then crawled back into bed with you. “Are you okay baby?” she asked as her arms wrapped around your body making you the little spoon. “How did I get here?” your voice croaky and your eyes still shut but comforted by your lady’s hold on you. “You don’t remember?” with a shake of your head Rachel filled you in on your early morning antics. Groaning in annoyance at yourself that you’ve now go to pack your entire suitcase again, something you’ve done every day for the past two weeks. “Don’t worry darlin’, I’ve sorted it” she kissed your cheek “you didn’t have to do that doll” shuffling around so you were facing her, eyes squinting from the light coming through the curtains. “I know how big of a thing this is for you, I just wish you’d have woken me up” she said gazing into your tired eyes. You laughed softly to yourself remembering how mad you were at Rachel’s snoring and told her that. “I’m dreading this flight Rach” pushing your face into her chest so your words were barely audible. You don’t like admitting when you’re scared but a worry shared and all that. “Hey it could be worse, you could be on a public plane! You’ve always wanted to go to Australia, you’ve got me and Millie and all the others, I’m sure Mary will keep you busy with TikToks! All the snacks you could want, leg room for miles, beds; we’re gonna have a great time. You won’t even realise we’ll be flying for so long. And we stop off for a whole day in Dubai, have you ever been there?” Shaking your head with mild amusement, “do I look like the type of person that’s ever been to Dubai before?” your eyebrow raised in an unsurprising fashion. “Well, we get to have an adventure there too! Another magnet for your mum’s fridge!” she smiled squeezing you tightly. Rach always knew what to say - never called you silly or your feelings stupid, always validated your emotions and made them feel normal. Rachel was the most supportive person you’d ever had in your life, never questioning or demeaning and you were starting to realise what a healthy relationship truly was.

Gathering at SGP you were greeted excitedly by some of the others, Millie and Mary came bounding over to see you both the second they noticed your car pull up. Jordan came over with her arms out shouting “look who’s here!” The days of watching Villa together on the sidelines while she was injured ran through your mind. She’d talked about her worries about making the team and you were so happy to see her here. “I’m so proud of you!!” screaming as you scooped her up, “I told you you’d do it!” Soon it was 5pm and everyone boarded the coach which included a lot of karaoke that you were urged to join in with. Checking in at the airport made everything suddenly seem real, the nerves were starting to set in and it wasn’t going unnoticed. The girls linked your arms and lead you on board the flight - Rach in the middle and you and Mill either side of her. The plane was like nothing you’d ever seen before, there were even cabins with beds at the front! Food was served and you watched films together, they then entertained themselves by interviewing you on how it felt to be on your way to your first ever World Cup. After they both fell asleep you listened to music before trying to get some shut eye yourself until the lights came back on. You’ve never been able to sleep on flights but you had never been on a private plane with so much room before so you quickly drifted off and stayed that way for hours.

Part 20 - On Top of the World

[barachiki]

Here's a story because I mentioned the coffee I had:

In university, I used to be really addicted to caffeine. Like full blown shakes and teeth grinding and migraines and anxiety if I didn't get it. I had my own espresso machine, and I had a café right below my dorm where I'd get cheap triple shot lattes every day before class. I was so bad that I usually needed at least a little coffee to calm me down enough to sleep.

There was this class I took, Psychology of Adjustment. I have no idea what it was about anymore, but I do remember this one assignment. We had to break a habit using a method we had learned about, scientifically describe the process, write out the successes, failures and if you were using positive or negative reinforcement. We had three weeks to do this.

My friend Tony did his study on stretches. If he did his physio stretches before noon, then he'd get a piece of Halloween candy as a treat. A simple positive reinforcement.

Sleeping in was the habit I wanted to break, so my plan was that each day I slept in, I wouldn't be allowed my favourite thing: coffee. It was supposed to be a negative reinforcement study.

The thing is, I didn't know how addicted I was to coffee/caffeine. As well, I was horrifically depressed and I've been an insomniac since I was a kid, so I never got the sleep I needed. The task was impossible.

First thing I did was sleep in the first two days. So no coffee for me. I did the negative reinforcement for those two days... but by the third day, I was so beyond irritable, nauseous and headachy and shaky that I snuck some coffee even though I still slept in. Then over the next week, I was practically hallucinating without the caffeine, so I was shaking and making stupid bargains ('I only slept in a half hour so I should get half the coffee', 'Maybe I can just try again tomorrow and have a mocha tonight,' that kind of thing). With classes going until 9pm and trying to get up for 6am, I was fighting a losing battle with both sides of the study.

I quit even trying after nine days.

By the time I had to write up the study, I had no data, no results and nothing to show other than my failure. So I lied. I made up data, I fabricated these tables, notes and explained how I broke my habit and now only take coffee occasionally and I wake up on time cheerfully every morning blah blah blah.

My prof, who was not an idiot, asked me for my handwritten notes. I panicked and said I kept my laptop by my bed and wrote down the notes on my computer. I know he didn't buy it. He was a Psychology prof, who has seen a million of these assignments. But my writeup said all the right things, and it showed that I understood the concept, so I got a C instead of an F.

I realized later that not everyone was 'successful' with their studies, but still got good grades. I knew then that if I had explained how badly I failed my study in the assignment and why (discovering I had a caffeine addiction), I probably would have aced the assignment. After all, it wasn't about breaking the habit, but the process.

I think of this every once in a while, that it is possible to be perfect and still fail, but also it is possible to fail and still be perfect, if you take my meaning (or some other philosophical garbage like that...)

I also know now that denying an insomniac university student her coffee was ambitious and idiotic. I should have just done the stupid Halloween candy thing.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

London Will Burn - Chapter Sixteen.

Here it is, besties. The final chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read and offer such warm words of encouragement along the way. They mean the world to me! :)

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen

Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed

Words - 3,910

Warnings - 18+ content throughout. Minors DNI.

“So, where has the ginger twat taken my granddaughter today, then?” 

Rin closed her eyes, counting to ten in her head. “Woburn Safari Park. She told him how much she was missing all the animals back in Africa, so he said he’d take her to where she could see a few of the same.”  

It was becoming tiresome, her mother’s unchanged attitude regarding the father of her child. “Mum, you honestly have to stop being so hostile towards him. It shan’t be good, going forward, with him being in our lives to the extent that he will be. I’m not asking you to like him, but a little civility wouldn’t go amiss.”  

Diane was resolute, crispy turning the next page in the copy of Hello magazine before her on the island. “I will never be anything close to civil with that piece of shit.”  

This did not bode well. Not since she and Sean were... well, Rin wasn’t entirely sure what they were, exactly. Dating? Co-parenting with extras until he earned her trust? They’d been out a couple of times by that point, two dates the week before, one that had ended up in a sleepover at his place. Not that they’d slept much. God, he’d given her such a thorough shagging, she was still glowing from it four days on.  

Yes. It was dating, she had to admit that it was. Furthermore, she was enjoying every second of it, when her guard slipped enough for her to do so.  

“It’s a pity that you can’t put your own feelings aside for Tiger’s sake,” she spoke, continuing to do her stretches. She and Sokoro were off for a run, Rin glad to have a Saturday morning to herself to do it at a reasonable hour for once, enjoying a blissful lie in until 8am that morning as opposed to being out of the house by 6am.  

Her mother viewed her through shrewd eyes, cocking her head slightly. “Is it purely for Tiger’s sake, Catherine?” The slight colouring of her daughter’s cheeks sealed it, though Rin did not utter a single word. “Oh, for heaven’s sake! You’re not, are you? With him?” 

She was not in the mood for verbal combat that morning, but it looked like she was about to foray into it all the same. “I am, yes. I’m seeing how it goes with him. He’s genuinely sorry, mum, and I do see that. I need to get to a place of trust with him, though, and he told me he intends to prove himself there.” 

“But what he did to you!” 

“Is seven years in the past,” she interjected with, lifting her leg to the stool before her to tighten her shoelaces. “He would have absolutely nothing to gain from trying to be nefarious all over again. He has what he wants. I elevated him, made him rich and powerful once more, and he knows only too well what would happen to him, should he attempt to upset the apple cart. I do believe he is earnest, but I want to see if for myself.” 

Diane snorted, lifting her coffee cup to her lips. “I think you’re barmy.” 

“Yeah?” Lifting her chin, she pulled the laces sharply, double knotting the bow. “And I think, mum, with all the respect in the world, it’s none of your bloody business. Look how far I’ve come under my own merit and judgement. I am not an eighteen-year-old any longer who fell in love with a man she shouldn’t have, a man who had the agenda of his father pressing upon him. Finn is gone; it’s just Sean now. Believe me, he isn’t his dad.”  

“Wouldn’t have lost it all in the first place if he was.” Rin realised that she wasn’t going to get anywhere with her mother, so simply kissed her cheek and told her she’d be back later, heading out to find Sokoro in the courtyard, lightly jogging in place.  

“Let us depart now, eh, boss? Let’s run past the palace, wave to the King and Queen on our way!” Ever since arriving in London, her dear friend had been hellbent on getting a glimpse of the royal family. He’d scared a poor woman half to death one time while in Waitrose, asking very loudly if she was the Princess of Wales. She had not been, merely bearing a very uncanny resemblance to Princess Catherine. 

“So, I hear you and your mother having shouting's this morning before we leave, eh?”  

Having shouting’s. How she loved his turns of phrase. “We were, yes. We indeed had words with one another.”  

“Over the ging... over Sean, yes?”  

She liked that, that at least Sokoro was trying hard not to be hostile towards the father of her child, no matter how protective he was of her and Tiger. “Yes, over Sean. She’s very hardheaded, my mother. What kills me is the fact I think even my dad would have softened by now, and you know how ferocious he could be.” 

Sokoro raised his eyebrows, wiping his clammy forehead on the back of his arm. “Kevin was nothing if not a force to be reckoned with, eh?” Pausing as they turned the corner, beginning to run down The Mall approaching Buckingham Palace, he then continued. “But I do agree, eh, I think that he would see how much he has taken to the role of Tiger’s father and not condemn him as your mother does. He ah, he did say something to me, back when she was a baby.”  

Immediately, she slowed, jogging in place. “What?” 

Sokoro looked uncomfortable, like he wished he’d have thought on his last sentence prior to its delivery. “Ah, I should probably not say, eh. Even though he is gone, I do not want to betray your father’s confidentiality.” 

“Bollocks,” she spoke strongly, her eyes widened a fraction. “I’m here, he’s not. Tell me.” 

Sokoro shook his head, his own in place jogging coming to a halt. “Okay, okay. We break here. It has been five kilometres.” Moving to a bench at the side of The Mall, he took a seat, swigging from his bottle of water.  

“Your father, after Tiger was born, he pull me aside and he tell me all about it, how she came to be, how Sean betrayed you, etcetera. He tell me he was not only heartbroken for you because he know you love the man who got you pregnant despite what you tell him to the contrary, but because he always like Sean.  

“He tell me he see him as perfect suitor for you, before all the shit with the sex video, eh. He tell me that if he ever could see you with anyone, it was Sean Wallace, because you are both so similar. But he say most of all, he see you with him because Sean would never stop you from being who you are. We stood outside of the lodge and I remember, he say he wanted to tell him about the baby, because he thought it might change him for the better, make him a good man for you again, but he would not do that to you, not ever. But he say it, Catherine.”  

His words hit her square in the chest, the opinion her father held in secret. He’d wanted them to be together, but for the sake of her heart in all its damage done by Sean, never told anyone that other than Sokoro. It left her feeling like something was opening up within her, letting the light in to where she had been shadowed and jaded for the last seven years.  

Her father, as it happened, was not as hardened as she’d thought. He’d seen the true Sean too at some point. He’d known that the man he was, and the one he was moulded into by Finn were truly not the same person.  

“Did he say anything else?” she pressed with, Sokoro shrugging lightly. 

“He say he hate him for what he did to you, this is natural of course, eh. But he also say he know he put him between a rock and a hard place, and with the weight of Finn Wallace bearing down on him, he know, and I quote, “the kid cracked under the pressure, and made my Catherine the fall when I doubt he really wanted to.” I think your dad, he see the same you do in Sean. A man who did what he did so he did not sink under the greater weight.”  

It was hard to take in, the enormity of what Sokoro was telling her. Part of her wanted to shred him to pieces verbally for keeping it from her for so long, but most of her saw clearly that he was simply being a man of his word. Her father had shared his thoughts in secret with him, and Sokoro was nothing if not a bona fide confidant.  

In all of this, her father’s opinion was something she had desperately wished she could call upon, to know if she was doing the right thing. Now, she had it. It wasn’t first hand, but she knew now that should her dear dad have still been with them, he’d have likely welcomed her and Sean finding a way back to one another. 

“Are you okay?”  

Sokoro’s question roused her from the daze she’d fallen into, Rin shaking herself with a small smile as she turned to him. “I am, you know. I really am.” 

“Come on, let us continue. I feel Queen Camilla at the windows waiting for my jolly smile and wave!” He nudged her with a soft elbow as she got up, laughing and sipping her water before on they continued towards the palace. Their jog landed them back at Mulford Hall just before 10:30am, both immediately heading upstairs to take a shower each, Rin returning to hear the usual Kenyan merriment in the kitchen. 

“What are you lot giggling about?” she asked, moving to the fridge to get out some fruit and yogurt, Sokoro, Marcus and Silas all sitting around the island, huge grins fixed in place. 

“We are discussing the slang of your motherland, boss,” Marcus spoke, still partially hissing with laughter. “We see on Twitter somebody call Donald Trump a fuck billed twattypus and we all say, it could have been you! It sounds like something you say!” 

“We learn so many British cusses from you. Knob, shit bag, twat, bloody fucking bastard,” Silas then weighed in with, counting them off on his fingers as he chuckled with glee.  

“Or when she call you twat waffles and you thought it is some kind of British breakfast cereal,” Sokoro chimed, Marcus waving his hands in dismissal as the men roared.  

“It sounds like it, though! I had no idea that twat was slang for the female anatomy until we met Catherine!” he laughed, Rin in absolute stitches as she closed the fridge door. They kept her entertained as she went about preparing her breakfast, Sokoro sorting himself and the other guys with gigantic vegetable omelettes and toast.  

With a day to herself, she decided to relax before her masseuse arrived, Jenna giving her a much-needed rub down and easing of tension from her locked up back, several knots clicking and cracking under her expert hands. It was a day of pure bliss, her child not arriving back until 7pm, Sean stating that he was also taking her to the museum and out for dinner as well, carrying a very sleepy Tiger into the house. He looked completely shattered himself.  

“I’ll take her,” Diane bustled coldly, fixing him with a glare. No, Rin’s words hadn’t sunk in any further. Luckily, Sean didn’t react with any negativity whatsoever. 

“Thank you, Diane. It’s nice to see you again, you’re looking very well.”  

She turned away from him, her lips slightly pursed. “I wish I could say the same.”  

He winced. “Ouch.”  

Rin reached for his face, giving him a kiss. “Maybe one day she might finally thaw.” While he expected as much from her mother, he did note that Rin seemed to be behaving more freely with him, making the first move to offer affection. “So, did you and our baby have a good day?”  

Right on cue, he yawned. “A tiring one. I’ve been up since 5am, she decided she couldn’t sleep so we took Butch for a walk for an hour, one I ended up carrying her on my back for half of before dropping him off with Minnie for the day.” Hugging her, he rested his chin on her head, Rin laughing softly at the fake snoring noises he began making. “She has abundant energy, though. I don’t know how you cope full time.” 

Emerging from beneath his chin, she smoothed her hands down his chest. “I’m used to it, as you’ll become, too. Can I get you a coffee before you fall asleep on me?” 

He nodded, kissing her forehead. “Please.”  

“Alright, go and rest your weary bones.” He moved to the sitting room and she the kitchen, taking a seat on the sofa and beginning to browse his phone. It might have been a Saturday night, he might have been shattered, but he had a few work-related emails he needed to at least check in with, planning on putting in some time the following morning in his office at home to be nicely ahead for the coming working week.  

“Oh, you’re here.” Looking up, he met the narrowed eyes of Diane, the matriarch of the Cavanaugh household taking a seat on the adjacent sofa, eyeing him with her usual level of distain. 

“Hello again, Diane,” he smiled, attempting to at least be cordial with the woman. The truth was, he had little to no issue with her, but goodness, she certainly gripped tightly upon the grudge she held towards him. “How are you?” 

“I’d be much better if you weren’t here.”  

He expected little less than such hostility, but knew he couldn’t meet it like for like. “I understand that, I do. I will be here, though, in your lives. Your daughter and granddaughter are very important to me.” 

She picked up a copy of Tatler magazine from the coffee table, huffing as the pages were flicked through with mild irritation. “Until the next chance to use her in your quest for power presents itself. Men like you don’t change, Sean.”  

He felt his temper flicker into life, the corner of his mouth twitching. He wouldn’t let her spark it into roaring flame, though. She was probably trying deliberately to wheedle such a response from him, purely so she could point her finger. “As I explained to Catherine, I am in no position to do that. Your daughter has elevated me to my former status, more so, in fact. I have my company, I have my standing, and I have a hell of a lucrative income because of her. I don’t truly have what I want the most, though. Trust me, fucking her over would not be conducive to me attaining it.” 

“Oh, wouldn’t it?” she spoke, each word biting in its chilly delivery.  

“No,” he spoke with a shrug, his smile widening, “because what I want most is her. I love your daughter, perhaps the most honestly and genuinely I have ever loved anyone. Trust me, my intentions towards her are not what you assume them to be. Far from it.” 

He didn’t know, but out in the corridor, Rin stood, coffee in hand, grinning like an idiot to hear him coolly standing up to her mother. She might have known it already, but hearing him state that what he wanted most was her almost provoked a squeak of pure joy.  

“Well, I shan’t be doing that any time soon, Sean,” she bustled, just as Rin walked in. 

“That’s up to you, I suppose,” he replied, taking the coffee from Rin. “Thank you, darling. I think I might need three more just to stay awake. So, are you still coming with me when I go back up to Manchester on Thursday? We could take Tiger too, make a weekend of it once I am done with Friday’s meetings. We could take her to the art gallery, with her flair for the artistic I’m sure she’d enjoy it.” 

She beamed widely. “Yes, great idea, I’d love to. It’ll mean getting her out of her pit early, I suppose. I was surprised you told me she’s been up since five this morning, that child loves her kip.” 

“Isn’t this all so very cosy,” Diane muttered sarcastically, shaking her head. “Forgetting conveniently what that vile shit of a man did to you.” 

Rin’s hand clenched into a fist where she rested it upon Sean’s thigh, her eyebrows knitting as she sighed. “Which is a mistake he both admits and apologises for, mum. I’ve let it go. You need to as well.” 

“I can’t! Not when...” she began, the Tatler magazine cast aside. She didn’t get very far in her retort, though.  

“Enough, mum,” her daughter spoke, with quiet firmness as she stared at her. “That’s seriously enough, now. I’m sick of dealing with your attitude. What happens between Sean and I is honestly none of your business, and I am fucking tired of you making it just that. This is my life, you need to but out and stop treating me like a child. That’s the end of it. Sean, come on. Let's move locations.”  

He stood gladly, taking his coffee and following her out without further word, Diane sitting there floundering at being shot down so efficiently by her eldest child. “We both stood our ground with her, and didn’t raise our voices once,” he observed, moving up the grand staircase beside her, pausing to gulp back a little more coffee, save it spilling and Diane becoming furtherly vexed towards him.  

Rin raised her eyebrows. “We must be growing up, at last.” Arriving in her bedroom, she swung the door open, walking through to where she’d had a little bit of a makeover of the large room, the former section dedicated to her desk and workout items over at the far side by her window now containing a small sofa and television set on the mantle above the fireplace. The space most definitely had more of a grown up feel to it than it had when Sean had been in there last. 

Sitting down beside her, he finished his coffee while they chatted on how best to handle her mother, both agreeing to be staunch without rising to her need to argue the toss constantly. The coffee was sadly no match for his tiredness, though, Sean waking with a start hours later to darkness, finding himself draped in a comfortable throw. The bed his sleeping love occupied looked much more comfortable.  

“I was wondering if I’d have a companion at some point,” she murmured, turning to cuddle up to his nakedness after he’d undressed and gotten under the covers. “What time is it?” 

“Half past two. I’d say time to go back to sleep, but I’m wide awake.” 

She grinned into the darkness as his hands felt their way to her, pulling her even closer, lifting her leg to rest over his hip. “Mmm,” she hummed, feeling the hard of his cock press against her abdomen. “Yes, you definitely are, aren’t you?” Her hand reached between them, curling around his cock, working him lazily as she felt the sleepiness slipping away, ducking her head to begin placing hot, open-mouthed kisses upon his neck.  

He lay there in a daze of sexual fog clouding him for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of what her hand evoked within before his own reached for her, stroking her softly, feeling her begin to dampen his fingers. Pushing them inside her, his mouth then founds hers, her teeth crushing a soft bite upon his lower lip. Those kisses, all sugared embers and need, began to gain rapid heat, hands working upon one another with more vigour until Sean turned her, slotting himself between her legs and arrowing into her fully with one fluid motion. 

She swallowed back his moans as their tongues swirled, her groin prickling pleasantly, nerve endings singing their bliss against the thick swell of his cock as he dragged her walls deftly. It was heavenly, wet velvet softly flexing around hot steel, their veins warming, Rin crying out softly at feeling him burying himself within her again and again.   

With his mouth at her neck, consuming her with such all-encompassing force, all that existed was him, that moment, the sound of his groans in her ear as his tongue glided across the column of her throat. Him, just him. He was all she wanted, and to hell with what her mother thought of that. 

Trembling against the lean bulk of his chest, the lightning bounced beneath her skin, the weight of him centring, driving himself into her plush wetness, causing moans she barely recognised to be hers. How she had longed for a lover with this kind of skill while they’d been parted, but beneath him there in her bed, she realised she could look forever but never find in a single other person what she had with Sean. 

His hips arrowed down purposefully, giving way to a slight rotation that had her floating in the stars, her fingers raking through his hair as she arched up against him, teeth nipping his thick shoulder as her nails grazed his back, digging in and clawing when he began to gain momentum.   

She was molten beneath him, singed by the wildfire of his fuck, her walls beginning to flutter around him as his soaking cock pounded her hard, mouth lowering to suck at her nipples, making her come apart beneath him with surging force, Sean coming just moments after her.  

They fell asleep that night entangled, swathed in the blanket of one another, Rin awaking early the following morning. The sunlight streamed in, the sound of the Westminster bells softly tolling, yawning as she stretched. Looking up, she was greeted by the sight of smiling blue eyes, shifting up a little to place a soft kiss upon his lips.  

There they were again, just as they had been seven years before. Sunday morning, bell song and sunshine.  

“I love you.”  

He smiled, kissing the tip of her nose. “Finally.”  

Finally, indeed.  

Finally, they had everything they’d been looking for. Finally, they had love and peace, and finally, although it took her almost two years after that morning to see that Sean was entirely genuine, they had Diane’s support. After all, the mother of the bride couldn’t very well have a sour face on at the wedding of her eldest daughter. Not after she’d bared witness to seeing just how happy the man waiting for her at the altar had truly made her.  

In fact, Diane’s tears of joy as they were pronounced husband and wife were the greatest of all the guests, watching Rin held tightly by her new husband, and the complete and utter adoration they viewed one another with. Neither noticed it, though, lost in one another as they kissed, Sean stroking her face with his thumbs as he rested his forehead to hers, repeating the word he had spoken two years prior, when they had truly reconnected. 

“Finally.” 

The End.  

[catboydan]

god my queue process has evolved over the years. ill give you too much information now because i do have a method to my madness: originally (when i treated this like a full time job in 2020) it started with 20+ posts from midnight to 6am to cover me while i slept, but that is a lot on posts to do. So it became a 24/7 queue, and I wouldn’t let it falll below 100 posts, then I hit the queue limit (300 at the time) and would have to draft posts (I’d have about 50 in there) to queue and wouldnt let it fall below that. Now they’ve raised it to a 1000 limit and I don’t let it go below 300, but because of the dapg revival it’s at about 400 now. i also used to have a gif, art, gif, art pattern but again, im no longer as intense about it

in terms of finding stuff to queue. it was easier before tumblrs UI update cause id use the blogs archive and be able to queue from there with x kit, but then tumblr made it difficult so now i just use the horrible search tool for blogs. I had a notes app with a list of blogs that were abandoned so id rummage around in. id fall down a rabbit hole of just finding gif makers/artists and reblogging their entire portfolio of posts. now i typically pick a random blog weekly and add stuff until i am back around 350 posts. i also add any and all gifs/art that’s newly posted into my queue as well as reblogging it at the time, because i find immediately after a video there’s a flood of new stuff and it can get lost in the sea of content. i want those new ones to pop up again after a month or so. and yeah that’s my process🫡

i'm gonna come after the tumblr staff just specifically to bully them for making this harder for u tbh

[whiskey-bumblebee]

12 days of winter: day five

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Reader

Word Count: 620

Prompt: Snowfall

A/N: I think this one is gender neutral! Please let me know if I’ve overlooked anything, though. All fluff!

It had been freezing last night (well, below freezing, if you were being technical about it), and you and Aaron were sleeping as close to each other as you possibly could. You could feel the soft fabric of his joggers against your bare legs, his chest hair under your palm. Your face was tucked into his neck, and his arms were wrapped loosely around you.

His breathing was still slow and deep, his heartbeat steady. You’d woken up before him somehow. You craned your neck to peek at the alarm clock. It was a Sunday, so you weren’t anticipating Aaron having to go to work, but he was usually awake by 6am. It was 7am now, still pitch black outside, the winter sun not yet penetrating the thick clouds. 

You swung your legs out of bed, and walked around to the ensuite. You blinked a few times, looking out of the window. The vintage street lamp in the backyard glowed with a warm yellow light, small clusters of snow visible in the halo of light it cast into the darkness. They were thick snowflakes, but not falling too heavily, so they wouldn’t stick to the ground if you were lucky. 

You crept into the kitchen and brewed a coffee for Aaron, and a drink for yourself. You set them down on your nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed, stroking your boyfriend’s arm so he could wake up gently. If it was up to you, you would have let him sleep in, but he’d let you know a while ago that if he woke up too late, it put him in a bad mood for the rest of the day, feeling like he’d stumbled on the starting blocks.

“It’s snowing,” You whispered. 

He mumbled something, bringing a hand to his face and rubbing at his eyes. 

“Hey, handsome. How about a kiss?” You leaned in, pressing kisses to his cheeks. 

He smiled, closing his eyes again and pressing his lips to yours, his large hand cupping the back of your head. It was short, you could tell he was self-conscious about his morning breath.

“Snowing?” He asked, yawning as he sat upright.

You hummed affirmatively, and extended him the cup of coffee. He accepted it gratefully and rested his head on your shoulder as you came to sit beside him, your backs against the headboard. You stroked your hand through his soft hair, free of gel, as it was ever so rarely.

“Do you want to read and watch the snow? I can make breakfast.”

You rubbed your nose against his, and he laughed lightly, pressing his nose into yours too. 

“I’m so glad we remodeled the kitchen to add that reading nook. It’s so much nicer than the breakfast table we had.”

He hummed agreeably. “I’ll put on the Frank Sinatra christmas album if you want.”

“A Jolly Christmas?” You beamed. “That’s perfect. We can make some apple cider, eat some gingerbread...”

You were interrupted by the sound of his soft snoring, his face turned into the side of your neck as his breath tickled your skin.

 “Or we can have a sleepy morning. You deserve it,” You whispered, careful to take the coffee out of his hands and set it safely aside. You were able to slide under the covers fairly easily, Aaron’s head coming to rest on your chest as he slept soundly.

He’d mentioned that the last case had taken a toll on him, some young people on a college campus, and the jetlag wouldn’t be helping anything. 

“I love you,” You whispered, stroking his hair. “Sweet dreams, baby.”

His arms tightened almost imperceptibly around you, and he nestled his nose further into you.