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#past life regression sydney
awarenesshealing · 9 months
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invisiblerambler · 3 months
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Carmy doesn't deserve to be left and Sydney doesn't deserve to leave
None of the relationship between the two of them is about what one or the other deserves.
Fundamentally they have never interacted in a way that could be that transactional.
Thinking about this in terms of what Carmy or Syd deserves is such a flattening of both of their characters.
No one (mostly) deserves to have bad things happen to them, and despite all his many many bad coping mechanisms and lash-outs Carmy doesn't deserve to be abandoned again.
He will not recover if Syd leaves him. Do you think he's going to treat anyone better by her deepening his most fundamental trauma wound?
There is whether he realizes it or not a part of Carmy that thinks Syd was sent by Michael to carry out what he could not.
In a more immediate sense he believes this about Claire. I know her character is forced and awkward, but there is an element of realism to the way that Carmy had to regress back into past versions of himself in that environment.
Carm tells Sydney his sister doesn't think he's a genius, but more than that none of his family see him for who he was in New York or Napa or Cophenhagen. They understand he is extremely talented but that doesn't cancel out the fact that they also knew him as a snot-nosed kid.
Carmy feels like he has to complete something by dating Claire. Mikey forced him to come back to Chicago be a part of the restaurant he never wanted Carm to be a part of, but if he has to be here he might as well be with the girl Michael wanted him to be with. Fundamentally Mikey just wanted Carm to be happy fulfilled and safe but Carm doesn't understand Claire was just the stand in for that.
ANYWAYS back to Sydney, Sydney represents the evolved version of that idea. It has always felt like this subtext that Carmy wishes she could have met Mikey and some part of him feels incomplete because of that, but I think he also wants to believe Mikey sent Sydney, not to save him because she is not his babysitter, but like I said to carry out what Mikey couldn't. A true partner in all senses of the word, and I think Richie eventually warming up to Syd is in a way Mikey approving of her by proxy.
Back to the point I was making 5 paragraphs ago, Carmy will not get better or be encouraged to get better if one of the people he is the most emotionally intimate with in his whole life leaves him.
Yes, Syd is fair to demand more out of Carmy and to require better treatment and boundaries and all of the things that would make it a healthy partnership. But that doesn't mean Carm deserves to be dealt a mortal emotional wound in the process. Yes this is a TV show and these people aren't real, but if we start treating life like a chess game like this...
Sydney does not actually need to leave in order for Carm to realize what he needs to realize. He already learned that lesson with Mikey, and by showing that Carm can learn that lesson before the relationship is fully beyond the point of repair (obviously because of death in Mikey's case) is the most profound growth the show could give him.
No he will not be all the way there, he has a lot of work he needs to do, but one of his biggest problems is the way he refuses to let anyone be excellent alongside him. The ultimate growth for him is realizing that greatness doesn't mean anything when you're alone. Jess echoes this when she says she's around great people when she's not at work.
So much of this show is about the way that ambitious and creative people fundamentally cannot survive when they are cut off from everyone else. Carmy is the antithesis of the tortured creative genius because at every point where he cuts everyone else off he fails. That's why I don't think the review can be a pan, because even with him cutting off Syd at every turn she is still the bones of that restaurant.
So Carm does not deserve to be dealt more emotional trauma. Syd deserves to be happy in whatever way that looks like.
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chefkids · 3 months
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Hi, apparently Molly and Jeremy were spotted in Copenhagen beginning of June filming season 4. They wrapped the season soon after. Do you think it means Carmy is taking her to Noma? As some sort of grand gesture for the finale? I'm worried😭 why would they start season 3 with the recipient of the only dish that he put his own touch on being Syd and said dish ending up being the best meal of her life if they want him to end up with Cl*ire bear 🤐
I think people need to remember that Chris had three seasons of the show mapped out from the very start. Season 2 Carmy was all about being distracted from The Bear by Claire. Meaning that he knew Claire was going to be a character introduced in Season 2. If he wanted to sell the viewers on the truly being Carmy's long lost love of his life he would've started planting the seeds since season one. He planted seeds of Syd and Carmy's invisible string with the best meal she ever had comment she made to Marcus. He planted seeds about Donna's Christmas meltdown with a comment Carmy made to Tina. He knew what was going to happen in Part I, II, and III of The Bear since season 1. They are capable of writing well rounded interesting dynamic women. They chose to leave Claire as generic as they could. They chose to have their relationship in both season 2 and 3 be only based longing looks and kissing and virtually no deep conversations that felt truly emotionally vulnerable and like they led to anything.
Carmy taking Claire to Noma would mean he by some miracle gets back together with her, which I doubt she wants. She already expressed to the Fak's that she feels like it's done. But say she does get back with him. It would also imply he has regressed back to the point of continuing to impose Sydney onto Claire. Because Claire really doesn't give a fuck about Noma. And Carmy has already spent plenty of time there. It's Sydney who wanted to go there and look for inspiration.
So either Sydney will leave him and he'll find a way to convince Claire to be with him again and take her there as an "inspiration trip" and maybe in the process realize what he's doing is stupid af and that he's not finding inspiration without Sydney, because at the end of the day she is his muse now. And he'll realize he can't just keep pretending that Claire is Sydney and he'll finally stop regressing and stop using Claire as an avoidance tactic for dealing with his feelings about Sydney.
Or Molly being there probably had nothing to do with what they filmed and she as just there for fun and support. There were many others from the cast and crew there, so who knows. We'll see.
Either way I do not have doubt that Claire and Carmy will be done by the end of the series. She is not his future. She was only really seen as his past in season 3, and in Season 2 when they were in the present, she was only seen as a stand in Sydney for Carmy.
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slashermilf · 3 months
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the theme of the bear is how it’s bad to try and hold onto the past and how you should embrace change and that life goes on and you just have to accept it as best you can, and maybe even grow along with it.
for example … in SEASON 1 richie and tina refusing to let go of the past and clinging onto what it all used to be—the beef & mikey—but eventually embracing change and learning to grow along with the restaurant. and the start of that change happened when sydney showed up …
then, when sugar called carmy to tell him mikey died … he refused to accept it, shoved his feelings down, and put all his focus and attention into his work/cooking in new york. he refused to accept reality and that things changed bc mikey not only DIED but K*LLED HIMSELF … that’s a HARD thing to accept/acknowledge.
and now in SEASON 3, SYDNEY is the one who’s clinging onto the past … she’s the one who’s missing the beef. but she doesn’t miss mikey like richie, carmy, or tina did … but rather she misses CARMY. or, who he once was.
she misses the partner/coworker/boss/etc she once knew and admired deeply. she was inspired by him. she looked up to him. she trusted him and confided in him.
now it’s like she’s a ghost to him. and he’s a shell of a man she once knew but is now gone. she can’t tell him anything out of fear of how he’ll react. and, deep down, she’s still holding out hope that s1-2a!carmy is gonna come back and she’s gonna be able to trust him again … but, so far, it’s not looking like that.
and, sydney believes that she’s to blame bc she wants a star. and carmy knows that. and, so, he’s getting it for her. but that comes with the cost of his progression/development. he regressed and sacrificed all that he did/could in order to be “perfect” enough for sydney and her dreams of getting a star.
sydney’s panic attack in 3.10 perfectly displayed her hopes of s1!carmy coming back to her slowly fading away, and her fear of leaving all that she’s grown to know and love behind.
and that’s why that final scene of sydney is so heartbreaking to me, but is also the most telling about her character. (and also ayo’s acting??? TOP KNOTCH FOR SURE.)
the lesson of the show is that things change that you can’t control. there are parts of/moments in your life that you won’t have control of, and you have to accept that. you have to just let these things happen, and try and let it help you grow because that’s what the world is made up of. change. growth. new beginnings. ups and downs.
anyways. apologies for my ramblings. i was just talking to a moot about this earlier and i haven’t stopped thinking about it since then.
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cooki3face · 1 year
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💌~ new moon solar eclipse reading: April 20,2023
“What will it bring you”
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Pile two 💌:
Affirmation: "I can trust that all things will get better for me with time & that there is always solutions.
Someone may not want this message to get to you pile two. This has deleted like so many times lol. I’m fed up but but let’s hope it works this time. I immediately channeled “How you gonna” by Sydney Renae, specially her version because I know the original is by Tyrese. If you’ve never heard the song please listen to it, it might resonate with you.
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There’s something here about courage or independence coming through for you pile two or even self respect and re-establishing yourself in some way shape or form. There’s some type of change that could be taking place or has taken place already within your life at this time pile two. Something very sudden and quick or maybe even something unexpected. This all has to do with alignment though and plenty of things around you could be being moved around in your favor even though it doesn’t seem like it at the moment. Something wasn’t meant for you or your spirit guides knew it wasn’t meant for you and is simply saying that they no longer felt the need to allow this person, this situation or whatever it was to continue to be in your orbit or around you in your energy the way that it has before. Two of cups in reverse here, there’s an energy of breakups and disharmony or distrust within your relationships or connections. There’s also something coming through about self-love. You could be in a connection that was placed within your life to shake you up so you can learn what it truly meant to have self love. You could have past life karma or may even be in need of a past life regression or guided meditation.
⭐️~ there are plenty of guided past life regressions on YouTube and I would recommend that for you pile two. This may answer many questions about your life, about your experiences and about how you feel currently and what you’re going through.
You are set to learn a very large lesson within this lifetime about self love and about your self worth. There could be aspects of your life that have been very traumatic or have very violently affected your self esteem or your self concept or your idea of self worth or your ability to love yourself. And a lot of the times when we’re put on this earth to live a life there are certain circumstances and experiences that are chosen for the greater good or so that you can be able to fully ascend or grow the way you are meant to, finally, and once and for all. Even if those experiences are traumatic or aren’t beautiful or desirable or ideal.
This new moon, the month of April, have been leading up to this resolution of some type of pattern within your life rearing it’s end or flaring up to the point where it must be addressed or it just be seemed clearly and honestly. You may have a lot of self limiting beliefs, you may suffer from anxiety, you may be your own biggest critic, you may suffer from an eating disorder or an entrapment of the mind that causes you to see yourself in a way that isn’t really real. But this is a time of being open to new perspectives and for new perspectives to come to you. There’s patterns within your life, within your behaviors, within your relationships, within the relationship or connection you’re dealing with currently, within your household, etc. sooo many patterns and I think it’s now time you start to be awakened to those things and make proactive choices.
There is also a very strong possibility for manifestation at this time. Deciding what you want is a very powerful thing and people underestimate it often. By being proactive, by taking tiny steps towards putting yourself first or allowing things that are apart of your life that kept you down to not have access to you anymore you are manifesting something, manifesting a new life, manifesting healing, manifesting peace and better days. You are someone who may need to learn a lot of lessons within your life pile two, you are someone who may have had to learn things by repetition when it comes to life experiences, you may be someone who has to repeatedly go through hard things to finally have a breakthrough and make a change, and you’ve had your cycle and now it’s time to break it and move forward.
I keep hearing “you have to grow up” you may be entering adulthood or entering a part of your life that requires some maturity or some sort of proactive thinking or behavior or some type of self discipline and awareness regarding many things even things such as relationships and behaviors. There’s something coming up that I’m channeling about accountability to, you could be in the process of practicing accountability or practicing holding yourself and holding others accountable but it may be taking you some practice to truly gauge what accountability truly means. What it means to take accountability for the right things and not carry burdens or responsibility that does not belong to you, what it means to take accountability for your actions and show yourself grace and respect at the same time, etc.
Mental clarity and the truth is coming for you pile two it’s very violently and clearly on its way lol. You have to find authority within yourself. There’s something here about being a leader or taking the initiative or taking responsibility or being the person within your life to break generational curses, to break through barriers or to make conscious decisions and choices to live better and do better. For a long time you may have considering yourself to be someone who sort of goes with the grain, goes the way that other people wants to them to go, or someone who tries not to rock the boat or cause disturbances for fear of rejection, being mistreated or rejected, etc. but it’s time for you to really shake shit up, it’s time for you to be the leader, it’s time for you to be the advocate and to move to the best of your own drum.
You may even feel the urge to really take over and move things around the way you like them and do as you need to do for yourself but there is many distractions and delays within your life right now. And there’s a large need to cut them out. If there is a lack of direction I encourage you to find some and you may do that by cutting out things within your life that bring confusion, bring lack of direction, bring uncertainty, bring frustration or bring upon you emotions that don’t serve you or cause you to feel stagnant, depressed or stuck. Sit with yourself for a moment and find some inner clarity or be open and honest about the people and the situations in your life, this is a good moment to hold people around you accountable for their actions and to act upon it as well. There is no need to keep around people or keep around things that cause you distress, cause you pain or are not kind or good to you within your life. It feels as though there is a reason but those are really just excuses and that is the truth. Things will improve for you if you welcome change and welcome the idea of accepting people and situations for their actions/circumstances , for who/what they are, and even for their “mistakes”/ or for their unfortunate events and identifying that you no longer would like to put up for those things.
Someone apart of your spirit team is asking “why don’t you care about yourself more?” And that is a good question. There’s something here about giving and receiving and one sided situations or connections. A lack of boundaries or understanding. Situations that aren’t serving you that you’re in denial about… I’m hearing that you’ll miss out on opportunities or the chance to have a good life or live a better life if you continue to make the decisions your making or a lack thereof. Or if you continue to move in the direction that you’re moving in at this time. There is still this big emphasis on “you need to grow up.” Coming from your spirit team and it is not in a negative or harmful way but really truthfully saying that you need to learn to make good choices and be the energy that you’d like to receive or see in life and start making decisions about people and situations in your life. Accountability is coming up again. You may not be holding yourself accountable for your part in your own misfortune, in your own hurt feelings or your own pain. Repetition is coming up again, someone or something has revealed itself to you as it is repeatedly and you’ve not fully listened or have not listened at all or refuse to make the choice to really be done and over with it and move forward because it makes you uncomfortable to a certain extent but discomfort is necessary.
I hear, “I’m tired of watching you hurt.” To. You need to start trusting your intuition, you need to start stepping into your divine feminine energy and putting yourself first and practicing being in the energy of receiving good things and not allowing bad things to continue to play around in your energy. The subconscious mind is very significant and a past life regression may truly be something you need or something that will set forth a good amount of change within you.
You’ve dealt with a lot of betrayal and deception in the past from the people around you. Maybe even from the people closest to you, family, lovers and friends and it’s about time you stop letting people get away with these things and continue to be in your life after doing them. You could try to see the best in everyone or try to give people chances or the opportunity to change but sometimes even change isn’t enough to excuse those things. Nor does change mean that those people deserve to be in your life again, you may have to learn lessons about leaving people where they are indefinitely and that may be very hard for you.
You may need to stop being so forgiving here pile two. You need to find some balance and some moderation in your need to see the good in others or allow people space for change. There is a possibility to respect people or respect the possibility of change within someone and wish them growth and peace from a distance without ever involving yourself with them again. You need to understand that you can forgive someone without forgetting what they’ve done and continuing to give them access to you so you can let things go when it’s time instead of holding onto them pile two. You’re being unfair to yourself, you’re not holding people accountable especially the people who cause you the most pain, you’re being dishonest with yourself and probably being dishonest with others about where you stand and how you feel about their choices and actions. And you may be heart broken for a while having to move away or distance yourself from situations and people who’ve played these parts within your life but you will heal. That is what we all are sent down to live the human experience and do.
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nomanwalksalone · 3 years
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ALTERNATIVE STYLE ICON: JIMMY WANG YU IN THE MAN FROM HONG KONG
by Réginald-Jérôme de Mans
There are things we always want to reclaim from our past, even from its most confused, bittersweet moments. In my case, the thoughtful moments driving home late at night down Santa Monica Boulevard decades ago from an essay-writing extension class at UCLA. With the top down on my coincidentally Australian-built convertible (a deathtrap, a future girlfriend would call it, and refuse to get in), those summer evenings seemed flower-scented, ripe with potential that would go wasted, still and quiet and beautiful in a city that was not mine.
I was taking this after-work class after feeling like I was losing my marbles, wanting to find a way to collect myself after college. College had beaten any confidence in my ability to write for personal expression out of me. I would not rediscover that in that class, in fact not for decades until blogs like No Man Walks Alone reached out to me and I could process and piece back together parts of myself, those disjointed, uncalm, uncollected pieces of myself. At the time, I was young and unmoored, and the station at the lower end of the dial I’d listen to on those drives back reflected that feeling of unreality and detachment. It played everything, ironically or not, everything from the Laverne and Shirley theme to what would have at the time been cutting-edge electronica. And one-hit wonder Jigsaw’s strange “Sky High”, whose refrain “You’ve blown it all sky high” was sung altogether too casually for someone to be expressing the upheaval of their entire life.
I was pleased to rediscover the song playing as the main theme to 1975’s The Man From Hong Kong, whose star Jimmy Wang Yu is today’s Alternative Style Icon. The song’s strangely flip attitude towards destruction works perfectly in this bizarre, bizarrely interesting movie, which ends on the climax of Wang Yu blowing former James Bond George Lazenby and an entire floor of Lazenby’s apartment building to kingdom come. After setting Lazenby (yes, Lazenby himself, in a practical effect that actually did leave him with burns) on fire by kicking him into his open-plan 1970s fireplace…
Lazenby had blown his own career sky high by walking away from a multi-picture Bond film deal to instead star in 1971’s Universal Soldier, a confounding mashup of Easy Rider and The Dogs of War whose chief point of interest is that feminist writer Germaine Greer plays a minor role. Lazenby claims that his friend Bruce Lee was set to star with him in The Man From Hong Kong until Bruce met his mysterious end at the hands of either a Dim Mak death touch or a medication allergy. Jimmy Wang Yu stepped into the role and Lee’s vacant shoes and acquits himself well in all respects except the unfair and unwinnable one of being in the shadow of a deceased legend, deceased so very much larger than life.
The Man From Hong Kong showed how exploitation films could be strangely liberating, indeed subversive. It was a so-called Ozploitation film by dint of its Australian production, going so far as to have its first scene a fight atop sacred landmark Ayers Rock, where a future Mad Max actor actually beats legendary martial artist and fight choreographer Sammo Hung. It also exploited many other period trends:  the Kung Fu, international thriller, and loose cannon cop fads, with Wang Yu a polished Hong Kong police inspector able to charm very white Australian beauties out of their hang-gliding pants and bikinis. Nearly a half century later, moviemaking still is rightfully criticized for emasculating Asian men, yet in this 1970s exploitation film an Asian man got to carry out the old seduction tropes of the regressive, lily-white British spy movie, even if (as Alice Caldwell-Kelly has observed) the characters do engage in racist banter about it.
This is very much a Jimmy Wang Yu showcase. It’s certainly not Lazenby’s fits that stand out in this movie. As my friend Matt Spaiser of The Suits of James Bond has pointed out, Lazenby has to dress the part of a playboy bigwig villain, and wears old playboy clichés like gold-buttoned blazers with draggy 1970s long collars and fat ties, all in combination with the long sideburns and Zapata ‘stache that make him look like a more butch Peter Wyngarde. Wang Yu, instead, makes a deep blue his theme color, first in a rollneck with light salt-and-pepper tweed jacket in his suave arrival scenes in Australia, then as the color of the jumpsuit he wears in a viciously violent car chase and final fight where, as agent of the most chaotic good, he smashes through the windows of Laz’s penthouse apartment. That jumpsuit could have been iconic, were it not eclipsed by the yellow jumpsuit that would turn up in Bruce’s boss fights in Game of Death, released infamously long after Lee had died. In the shadow of the legend, shadows of legend. In contrast, Wang Yu’s dark green corduroy suit that he wears for his first confrontation with Lazenby is iconic and uneclipsed. Despite its 1970s exaggerations of style and details, its material, color and dash are very much contemporary, corduroy being one of the casual materials in which suit designers are trying to lure us out, even if might wear a bit warm for hot girl summer or whatever the current name of this current uncertain, tentative summer is. Perhaps hang gliding should make a comeback, although not in Sydney airspace.
Uncertain and tentative, you do what you can to collect yourself, invest at the time in what you can of yourself, and decades later maybe, maybe, you get somewhere, even if you can never stop looking back.
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mypearchive · 4 years
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PHILIP ETTINGER
                                                                                     in HBO Series I Know This Much Is True

PHOTOGRAPHY Mark Squires FASHION EDITOR Deborah Ferguson 
Interview by Sydney Nash

Philip Ettinger is an American actor, whose credits include starring alongside Ethan Hawke and Amanda Seyfried in “First Reformed” and “The Evening Hour,” which debuted at this year’s Sundance Film Festival. Ettinger’s most recent project is HBO’s “I Know This Much is True,” helmed by director Derek Cianfrance and starring Mark Ruffalo. Based on Wally Lamb’s acclaimed novel by the same name, it tells the story of the complicated relationship of two brothers (twins), one of which lives with paranoid schizophrenia. Ruffalo stars as the older iteration of the twins, while Ettinger inhabits the two characters in their youth. ContentMode spoke to the actor about the limited series and arguably, his best performance yet. 

Q: Before we dive into questions about I Know This Much Is True, I must first say, bravo. This show is visceral, heart-wrenching, and achingly beautiful. It was a very emotional experience watching, I must say. I’m curious as to the type of feedback you’ve been hearing from viewers and the people around you about the show. 

A: Thanks for saying that. This project is so close to my heart. It felt super emotional shooting it… it’s been really special. You know we’re going through such a fucking crazy time right now. You make a thing and have that whole experience of shooting it, and then you never really know how it might connect in the time of when it’s finally released. When I’m working on something, I’m so much in the state of not even thinking of it as being a product. Then, when it’s time for it to come out, it’s a bit of a mind fuck and scary.  And this in particular was such a vulnerable experience. Everyone gave so much of their heart to it. It’s being released in a really crazy and heavy time, and the show deals with a lot of real and heavy things. But what’s been amazing is the people who have reached out to me to tell me how important it’s been to them. And how much of an emotional balm it’s been. People have vulnerably shared with me how this show has made them feel less alone in their own unique situations and emotions. Honestly, it’s been fucking beautiful to see how much we all can relate and share in the really difficult work of being a human being.

We’re all connected. It’s been a nice reminder for me personally in this isolating time of quarantine.

Q: Tell me about how this role came about. I know you’ve been a long admirer of Mark Ruffalo’s work, so this must have been a dream project.

A: The whole thing just feels kind of kismet. One day, I get a random email from a friend of mine who was going in to audition for young Dessa (younger Kathryn Hahn). This was before I really knew anything about it. She forwarded me her appointment with the script and said, “You should be young Dominick/Thomas.” All of young Dessa’s scenes were with young Dominick/Thomas, so I was able to see what it was like.

I’ve always looked up to Mark and have been compared to him in the past. I even wrote him a letter when I was in acting school and doing This Is Our Youth, which was the play he did in New York, and I expressed to him how much I connect to his work. He was doing Awake and Sing! on Broadway at the time and I went to see the play and gave him the letter. On top of that, I grew up with a brother who dealt with schizophrenic symptoms. I felt a really strong purpose to tell this story as real and accurately as possible. It’s rare when it happens, but sometimes things come along where it’s much deeper than it just being a job. The purpose for doing it is so strong and instinctual that I’m able to move through any fears or insecurities to do it. I went into this audition with a really strong sense that I was the person who was meant to help tell this story.

Q: Did you and Mark ever prep for the role together? I’ve read that you and him took a long walk around the Upper West Side before shooting started.

A: Yeah we did. The way it worked was Mark shot all of Dominick first and then took a month and a half off to gain about 50 pounds in order to play Thomas. During that time off is when I shot most of my stuff. We would text back and forth with ideas and before shooting began we hung out and read each other’s scenes together. Then Mark went off to shoot his Dominick side. Derek Cianfrance our director showed me a bunch of Mark’s dailies for me to kind of get a sense of what Mark was doing with Dominick, but when it came to Thomas, I was the first one to introduce what he’d be like. It was fucking scary because I wanted to be as instinctual as possible and to make my own unique choices. At the same time, I didn’t want to paint Mark into a corner because he’d have to evolve whatever I was doing into older Thomas.
About a week before I went to shoot, I met Mark on the Upper West Side at a diner. We talked for hours. I had been waiting in the wings for months, getting ready to take over when he took his break. I can be a pretty obsessive thinker, so at that point, I was pretty much bursting holding these two distinctly different characters inside of me, ready to express myself and let my Dominick and Thomas out. At the same time, I was absolutely terrified because the thing I’d been obsessing about and literally having intense symbolic dreams about was finally going to happen. Mark encouraged me to make it my own, and on the way out of the diner, I started to tell him about these crazy and intense dreams I was having that were kind of informing me who these guys were. He said, “I’ve been having dreams too. Let’s take a walk,” and then we just walked like 50 city blocks. We were just meshing our energies, ideas and physicalities, as well as sharing stories and quickly connecting on a really vulnerable level to each other. We were having very similar dreams. It was crazy and beautiful and a night I’ll always remember. Talking about it now makes me yearn to get back into more collaborative experiences again.

Q: If you don’t mind me asking, how emotionally intense was performing the roles of both Dominick and Thomas? Did you find one character more challenging than the other and were you able to separate the two performances, or were they always informing the other?
A: It’s hard to really describe it using words. The whole thing was one big instinctual and emotional experiment. It was kind of impossible to anticipate the best way to make it all work.
First day was completely trial and error. Mark shot each character separately with a lot of time apart, but I was having to do every scene going back and forth. The whole thing was very out of body and cathartic. Or more like in my body and out of my head.

It’s interesting, I’ve been doing therapy in quarantine and have worked a bit with childhood regression exercises and going back to a time when I was four or five. I’ll go back on impulse and really connect to the feelings I was feeling without too much awareness of social rules and insecurities and ideas of how I needed to be and act. Then, doing the same thing, but going back to the thirteen year old version of me, who at that point had been knocked around a bit and was very insecure and shut down and scared and had less trust and freedom of emotion. Both of them are very alive inside of me. Shooting every scene, I’d be Dominick and feel really repressed and kind of locked up and angry and insecure in my feelings. Then when I’d switch over to Thomas, I got to rip off the shield and filter that I’ve created to personally protect myself in my life and just feel my feelings and pain and fear and anger and fully be on my impulse in a safe environment. It was freeing and painful and blissful, and all of the feelings. I gave myself permission not to judge myself. Then, I’d go back into Dominick and the shield went back up. It was a lot of back and forth of that.

Honestly, it’s impossible to really explain it in retrospect. It was like one giant therapeutic experiment. It definitely changed me and gave me some different perspectives.

Q: Did you ever feel like your acting influenced Mark’s performance or vice versa?

A: It felt like one ongoing collaboration. We were taking from each other from the preparation through the shooting. But there was an ease to it all, which just shows how generous Mark is as a human being and artist. He didn’t have to invite me in the way he did. I’m very grateful for that.

Q: What was it like working with director Derek Cianfrance? Did Derek allow you to bring your own experiences and POV to your characters?

A: Derek is my emotional soul brother. The guy has so much fucking heart and just sets up an atmosphere of trust and love and challenges you to go deeper than any ideas you may have and to find the truth of every moment. He wants you to bring all of your heart and soul to the part. He’s done so much work and has thought so deeply about the characters and the scenes, but then challenges and almost expects you to surprise him. It’s all about, as he says, ‘trying to capture Halley’s Comet in every scene.’ Something that’s straight from impulse and truth and surprising and spontaneous and can never be exactly recreated. It’s all a big experiment and diving into the truth of every dynamic and relationship.
That’s exactly the way I love to work, so it was just a fucking dream to play like that.

But in order to work at that level, you need to have such trust in the leader and it needs to be such a safe environment. With Derek, I just felt so safe.

Q: Tell me a little bit about how filming two characters on-screen at the same time worked. How much of what the audience sees when Dominick and Thomas are together is CGI?

A: It’s crazy. The editing is incredible. Other than a few connecting shots, many of the scenes the two brothers are never in the same shot together. I think Derek wanted to make it feel as natural and un-CGI as possible, so he relied on the performances to connect the dots. The response has been that it feels pretty seamless and not a distraction, which is great to hear. We all definitely tried to avoid the trick of it all and really cared about making each brother his own three dimensional being.

Q: The show was shot on film as compared to digitally. What’s the difference that shooting on film makes to the final product and the audience experience?

A: It’s awesome. It was my first time shooting on film. There’s a heightened intensity to it all, because there’s a limited amount of time before the film rolls out. It’s exciting. I tend to work best and am able to commit more when adrenaline is a little higher and there’s a little more pressure. There’s also something more tactile about it all. It feels more activated and felt like we were shooting a movie instead of a TV show.

Q: I’ve read in other interviews where you’ve spoken about how your relationship with your own brother (who has a history with schizophrenic symptoms) influenced your performance. Can you tell me a little bit about this (if you don’t mind sharing)? How important was authenticity to you?

A: My brother is doing great now. It’s amazing. But there was a long time when I was growing up where he was suffering. I watched him struggle through a lot of thoughts and emotions inside of his head. On the flip side, he was probably the most honest, empathetic and connected-to-the-energy-around-him person that I knew. And has deeply affected how I see things in a really special way. I also watched my parents try and understand and protect and deal with it and help. And do the best that they possibly could under the circumstances. They were amazing. But I also watched them struggle and make questionable decisions in order to help in the only ways they knew how. I was also having my own experience.

What was so important to me about this show was to be able to express all sides of the situation and the nuance to it all. Often, when there’s mental illness in a family, everyone is doing the best that they can with the tools that they have. Sometimes the “crazy” one is the most tapped in and actually present and intuitive and available. Sometimes the ones, who on the surface have their shit together, have no idea what they are doing.

I think this was a way for me to express myself and better understand what repressed feelings I had having a brother with mental illness. One thing’s for certain: I don’t think anyone involved was interested in anything but navigating the truths and realities of these situations.

Q: Based on your own experiences with your brother, the director Derek added in a scene to one of the episodes. Can you elaborate on what this scene was?

A: Yeah, I told Derek a bunch of stories about me and my brother. There was a period of time when he was around 22 and in the midst of a mental break. I was around 9, and we shared a room. Some of the stories were scary, but a lot of them were really funny and beautiful. I observed my brother be so present and tapped in to the energy and people around him. Sometimes his thoughts would get away from him, but almost always, the impulse of the thought and the intuition he would have was so on point. It made me feel like he was often more present and truthful and sane than so many other people around me who seemed to be repressing, overlooking and complying to the rules of society and the pressures of fitting in and saying and doing the right and popular thing. I felt like he really took me in and saw me better than anyone else.

I told Derek about how often my brother’s energy felt so expansive and truthful to his feelings that it would be infectious to the people around him and magical to me. And then Derek added a scene in episode 4 where Thomas is feeling a lot of emotions and the best way he’s able to express himself is through unadulterated dance. It’s a moment that Dominick watches on and knows he’d never be able to be so free in his emotions to express himself like that. [Derek] told me he added that scene inspired by the stories I told him about my brother.

Q: At its core, the show is about the relationship between two brothers, but the show touches on so many different enduring themes. What about the story speaks most strongly to you?

A: We’re all trying to get through life in the best ways that we know how. We all have unique family situations, life expectations, and struggles and pains on different levels. The show and Wally Lamb’s novel just touches on what it’s like to be human and the possibility for growth and change when it may feel like it’s impossible. As he says, “But what are our stories if not the mirrors we hold up to our fears.” And another quote that seems to resonate more than ever: “With destructions comes renovations.”

Q: You must be very proud of this show and the reception it’s receiving. How did you feel seeing the finished product?

A: It feels a little surreal to watch. It’s hard for me to fully take in my own stuff or to judge it good and bad, but what I will say is that there’s so much heart in the show and I’m forever proud and grateful to be a part of it. And to watch Mark and Rosie and Kathryn and John and Melissa and Archie and everyone else and feel so connected to them. And to have my family watch it and have it inspire new conversations between us. It feels very healing in a lot of ways. 

Q: Moving forward, what types of roles are you hoping to pursue? What’s the most important aspect of a project to you?

A: I don’t really know. I want to continue to work with people who inspire me and to feel a purpose with what I’m doing beyond ego and expectation. And to keep doing stuff that really scares me and to ultimately just find things that will help me evolve and gain some different perspectives. To continue to do things that make me feel connected and out of my own head.
I’ve been lucky to be a part of a few things where everyone involved is connected and on the same page and doing it for the right reasons, and the material is strong and every once in a while, when all those stars are aligned you can have moments of transcendence absent of ego and fear and judgement and you’re just riding on your impulse and intuition and heart. I want to keep chasing that.

Q: With the world in the midst of a pandemic and social unrest, what are you most hopeful for?

A: How connected we all really are even though the world feels divided right now. There’s so much pain and fear and anger right now, but there’s also a lot of change happening. And beauty. If there’s any silver lining to all of this loss, pain and suffering, I think it’s that it’s forced us to be more present with our families and loved ones. And maybe break some habits that we’d never be able to break on our own. And slowed things down a bit. And forced us all to look inward and to take a pause from all the fast and constant external validation so many of us think we want or need. I’ve witnessed thousands of people coming together to support each other and to stand up to injustice. This time has been traumatic on many levels for everyone, and I’m sure there will be long term effects of that, but also I’m excited to see the positive effects and positive changes this time may cause. In a way, it felt like we needed a bit of a reset and recalibration to really make some changes.
Quick Qs

Q: If you weren’t an actor, what would you be?
A: Maybe a therapist? I’m endlessly fascinated in why people do what they do and how they do it. And don’t do things. And why. And the relationship between our conscious and unconscious bodies and minds. And the potential of evolving our thought patterns past or through our blocks and pain and traumas. I’ve also spent a lot of time working one-on-one with autistic kids and adults, so maybe that. Something to do with human behavior and connection and growth and expression. Or if I was taller and more athletically gifted, it would be pretty damn cool to be an NBA basketball player.

Q: Role model?

A: Literally anyone who’s able to get through life with continued kindness, open-heartedness, positivity and evolution.
Q: Pet peeve?
A: People giving advice to other people based on what they would want or how they would act or react, instead of taking in the other person’s perspective.
Q: Most slept-on movie?

A: This is not particularly slept on, but this conversation and question is making me think of The Devil and Daniel Johnston. 

Q: The last thing you binged?

A: I’m a novice TV watcher. This past year and during quarantine is the first time I’ve really caught up on shows. Recently I’ve gone through Mad Men, The Affair – Maura Tierney’s so good in that. I just watched Normal People. I thought Paul Mescal was such a subtle and good actor in that. Oh, and In Treatment. I love In Treatment. I just heard that they may be bringing it back, which is exciting to hear. The nuances of two people in a room talking for a long time really does it for me.

Q: Dream role?

A: Hamlet? Even though that scares the shit out of me and seems to be a cliche’d answer for an actor my age.
Q: What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

A: To try easier. It’s not necessarily the amount of time spent working, but more the quality and headspace of that time. 
Also, to stop trying to control the outcome of what and how I think I want something to go. Because guaranteed it won’t go exactly as planned and trying to force what I think is the best thing is quantifying and limiting the possibilities of what it could be. 
And something that I saved that Mark actually said to me:
  Hang tough, stay real, make your shots count when you get them and no matter what, keep moving. Just keep moving.

_______________________________________________

For remaining photographs from the Content Mode article, scroll down to the next post. 

(I am archiving this entire article here, because I have no idea whether or not the Content Mode site will continue to host the Ettinger interview in the future, as more is published there in time. No copyright infringement is intended.)
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curohypnosis-blog · 4 years
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Hypnotherapy - Past Life Regressions
"The Reincarnation Experiments, a dazzling TV narrative wherein four housewives from Sydney, Australia, gave subtleties of previous existences under entrancing and afterward checked the proof - before TV cameras and free observers - by venturing out a great many miles to the areas of these past lives, was screened before the Australian open in March, 1983. Indeed, even skeptical watchers were constrained to concede that rebirth gave off an impression of being the main intelligent clarification for these noteworthy excursions through time which followed mesmerizing relapse led by Hypnotherapist Peter Ramster." Fisher (1984:978).
In the wake of perusing Fisher's statement, hypnotherapy toronto  we may think about how we get the opportunity to encounter a previous existence relapse meeting.
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In spellbinding, we sidestep the basic cognizant mind and enter the psyche to make the way for old recollections. The daze is a changed perspective which we consequently enter commonly every day. Sitting in front of the TV or driving a vehicle is particularly similar to an entrancing daze since we concentrate and permit the inner mind psyche to open up. How frequently have we driven from A to B to show up at B without truly knowing how we arrived? We put ourselves in a daze to close the outside world and all its commotion out. Competitors call it being in the "zone".
What occurs in the cerebrum to permit the cognizant, expository piece of our psyche to float separated and permit the past live recollections of our inner mind to surface? Our psyche works on various mind wave frequencies throughout the day moving between the cognizant and subliminal state. The cognizant state, called the Beta state, capacities with a mind wave recurrence of fourteen cycles for every second and higher with a normal of around 22 cycles for every second for most exercises. At the point when we permit our mind waves to back off by resting, by concentrating or by wandering off in fantasy land, we enter the Alpha state, likewise called the entrancing state.
All people enter a sleep inducing stupor at any rate 10 times each day by floating into the Alpha state, which works with a mind wave recurrence of 7 to 14 cycles for every second. Fast Eye Movement (REM) begins at 10 cycles for each second and permits us to dream around evening time. The inner mind surfaces and speaks with our cognizant psyche by utilizing its own language, the fantasies, to break down every day occasions. Hindering further, the psyche enters the Theta state. "The Theta scope of mind action is around four to seven cycles for each second. This is viewed as the mystic scope of the brain and the territory where clairvoyant encounters happen. Delta has a recurrence scope of zero to four roughly cycles for every second. This is the scope of all out obviousness." (William W. Hewitt 1996).
It is in this condition of profound mesmerizing that we can open entryways that have been shut. On the off chance that we don't convey any squares or fears, we can take advantage of subliminal recollections of different occasions and different spots.
Throughout the years, I have led numerous past live relapse meetings. Despite the fact that my job as a facilitator is to control through the meetings, I never give any heading or counsel, and my customers follow their own characteristic way. Their previous existence venture is their own understanding and my duty is to ensure that they have a sense of security and ensured consistently.
A few customers slip into previous existences without deliberately deciding to. They come to see me for different reasons, not having faith in rebirth and "incidentally" take the excursion to previous existences to subliminally tackle or manage issues that have been built up before this live, however shipped into it. When they discover the reason for their issue, they are regularly ready to determine it rather rapidly.
We are accepted to have somewhere in the range of 200 and 600 previous existences. Our inner mind permits us to recall those lives that furnish us with the shrewdness and information that we are prepared for at the hour of the meeting. The experience itself feels like a fantasy that we deliberately observe, feel and hear in a condition of absolute mindfulness. The great part is that we quite often recollect the entire meeting and can take from it whatever we need in the years to come. All the meetings that I have ever done by and by remain in my brain and help me to comprehend troublesome circumstances in all parts of my life.
The meetings start with a serene unwinding acceptance which permits every individual to gradually go into a sleep inducing stupor. When the psyche mind has opened up in the Alpha state, it can give significant data that permits the review of past live recollections. In a previous existence relapse, the condition of mindfulness isn't equivalent to in an ordinary spellbinding meeting. Winafred Lucas expresses that "individuals' cerebrum waves change when they are in a previous existence relapse, and they are not quite the same as the mind rushes of some other mental state we are aware of (typical alertness, rest, dreaming, entrancing alone)", Lucas (1996, web article).
The review starts by observing, detecting or feeling yourself standing some place new in an alternate situation, time and spot. A few recollections are clear, distinctive and nitty gritty, some are unclear and progressively like minds. It doesn't generally make a difference how one sees the data. It is imperative to permit the inner mind to pass on the astuteness and information that is required at the hour of the meeting.
Subsequent to encountering a couple of occasions in that life and getting subtleties, for example, names, locations and dates, the meeting prompts the finish of that life and the passing experience. As I would see it, the passing experience is the most great piece of the meeting since it feels freeing, invigorating and totally quiet. Regardless of what the conditions of the passing experience are, the second the spirit leaves the body is mind blowing. One wants to venture into the Universe, turning out to be free and boundless once more. All concerns, agony and egocentric sentiments are gone, and one reunites with the Universal Consciousness. It wants to glide, floating, flying high like a hawk.
The substance of the meeting starts in that condition of gliding, feeling weightless and being associated with Oneself. Despite the fact that the customer is in an underground government of entrancing, the person in question can impart and talk. It wants to be in two distinct universes on the double. The cognizant mindfulness is sitting in the seat in the room where the meeting is occurring while the inner mind centers around the impressions of the previous existence.
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awarenesshealing · 9 months
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seoteam1 · 5 years
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You can join a Home Meditation Program only at kaywilson.love that provides a complete strength in your body and you can meditate that makes you feel stronger health always
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pandithvalmiki-blog · 6 years
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At a certain age, people feel like, now it’s time for them to get married. But they face some problems in their life which don’t allow them to marry. These problems can be anything like either the Kundali is not getting matched, or there may be some kind of dosha present in the person’s life, or it can be Manglik dosha also, for every such kind of problems only one person can get you out, Pandith Valmiki JI.
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pastlife11 · 4 years
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Energy Healing in Sydney - Past Life Regression Hypnosis
Feel lighter, peaceful and clear out the negative energy from your mind and soul with our energy healing modalities. Professionals at Past Life Regression Hypnosis provide sessions on energy healing in Sydney that clear outdated soul contracts, genetic programs, and assist in release of past life pain. Book your session online today.
Website: https://www.pastliferegressionhypnosis.com.au/energy-healing
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lynccycling · 6 years
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The NUMBER ONE FITNESS CLASS IN DFW by Classpass, CORE, has people chatting. You’ve heard it’s challenging in more ways than one, so how do you stay mindful in the heat of the struggle and keep coming back for more? Our CORE Instructors weigh in on how they stay mindful in class & include some of their favorite CORE burning moves that they love to incorporate into their classes. Learn a little bit about them and book your next CORE class!
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TELL US YOUR FAVORITE CORE MOVE “Any oblique combo series! Love giving the sides of the body some attention, especially when it means I can get creative and try some new sequences.”
HOW DO YOU STAY MINDFUL IN CLASS? “When I’m taking: paying attention to your body is the name of the game, so being aware of distractions. When I catch myself thinking about what happened earlier in the day, my to do list, or what someone else is doing in class, I start from my toes and work my way up bringing awareness back to each part of my body and placing an emphasis on how I would describe my feelings to someone else. It usually helps me recognize what it is I need to hear and tell myself to keep moving.
When I’m teaching: Not thinking ahead! I try to forget what’s coming up, talking too much about what’s left, or how much time is left in class. It takes me and the class out of the moment when I get ahead of myself, and doesn’t allow for concentration on the task at hand. Just like the class itself, practice is everything, and I don’t always teach exactly how I want. I make notes for how I can be more present after each class!”
WHAT IS KELSEY’S CORE CLASS LIKE ? “Challenging. On purpose. And both mentally and physically. I try to always incorporate very simple moves we’ve done before with something new that will remind you what kind of progress can be made. I hope that people become motivated not because I’m motivating or because I’m asking them to do something, but because they start to realize over time they are capable of the work and capable of doing the hard thing. It’s an empowering feeling to do something you’re scared of, and I try to get you to that place in class. Sydney told me it’s “humbling but extremely motivating.” I’ll take that as a compliment, haha.”
HOW HAS CORE MADE YOU BETTER & STRONGER? “How much time do you have? Haha, really it’s changed me in more ways than I can count. For years I’ve thought about a class like CORE, and to be able to create my vision, see it come to life at the studio, and hear how it impacts people has been one of the most amazing things I’ve accomplished. It’s been a really good reminder to me that follow through is as important as the dream itself, and your own power lies in your uniqueness, so trust your instincts. It’s made me feel so much more confident in my abilities as a leader and as a fitness professional in the Dallas market. As for the class itself, it’s improved my stability and stamina more than anything I’ve ever done. I’m a better runner, cycling instructor, and athlete because of the varied movements in class. It’s even brought back some of my flexibility from ice skating and dance days. I’m able to push myself further in other workouts because of my core strength from the body weight exercises. I know I’m biased, but truly the best workout to create real change in your body. Just be consistent!”
BOOK CLASS WITH KELSEY
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TELL US YOUR FAVORITE CORE MOVE “No one favorite but I love flow work on the mat, all the oblique business and a good multi-part move.”
HOW DO YOU STAY MINDFUL IN CLASS? “Breath!!! It’s funny because the whole point of coming to a workout, at least for me, is to check out of my day and tune into me- yet I find myself (and I know others do too) trying to distract myself from the workout when it gets tough. Don’t do that! Tune into your breath, into your thoughts (whatever they may be), into the beat and stay aware and connected.”
WHAT IS LIZ’S CORE CLASS LIKE ? “I really want MY class to be YOUR class. At the end of the day, this is your workout. Your choices. Your journey. Your body. Etc. I want to give you the platform to realize how much deeper you can dig, how much harder you can push, and help you realize that you DO have the control to do so. I hope it’s a great sweat and heavy burn, but most importantly I hope you walk out feeling proud, resilient and like you’re carrying a little less weight on your shoulders than when you walked in.”
HOW HAS CORE MADE YOU BETTER & STRONGER? “Communication- not just with others (although talking on a mic has definitely given me strength in that area) but with myself. I feel like class can do one of two things for me: 1. Help me learn how to process what I’m feeling and talk myself through it/learn from it. 2. Teach me to hone into a silent mind and just breathe. Both of these lessons I use frequently off the mat.”
BOOK CLASS WITH LIZ
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TELL US YOUR FAVORITE CORE MOVE “Starting in Plank: One knee comes into chest, place on floor and rotate knee,  side crunch up, reverse!”
HOW DO YOU STAY MINDFUL IN CLASS? “I still actively take a lot of classes and I always try to remember the things that resonated with me from other classes. I will change it around it make it my own but the feeling is what I want to achieve for my clients. I also love listening to inspirational podcasts before class to get me in the right mindset.”
WHAT IS GRACE’S CORE CLASS LIKE ? “I like to keep every class different, with lots of combo moves. It's going to be tough and challenging but you'll feel extremely powerful and strong after it's over! I always hear that class goes by super quick.”
HOW HAS CORE MADE YOU BETTER & STRONGER? “Obviously, the physical movement has made my body stronger but what I love is that it's made me train a lot of mental muscles. By nature, I'm a pretty introverted person but teaching CORE has allowed to step out of my comfort zone in such a natural, organic way!”
BOOK CLASS WITH GRACE
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TELL US YOUR FAVORITE CORE MOVE “I love a simple move that pushes you to fight through some fire. One of my favs is plank to pike, plank to bear. Nonstop movement that makes you dig deep and push past the discomfort.”
HOW DO YOU STAY MINDFUL IN CLASS? “I try to play music that keeps me in the zone with lyrics that keep me focused on my theme for that class. Some classes are a little more light hearted and some are more intense.”
WHAT IS SYDNEY’S CORE CLASS LIKE ? “My class is a lot like me I think, we work hard but I don’t want it to be overly serious. I want it to be 45 mins that you enjoy and can escape into. I want you to push past the limits you have set in your head. And I want you to be proud of yourself when you walk out of the door.”
HOW HAS CORE MADE YOU BETTER & STRONGER? “Core has pushed me to become a better instructor. I was nervous at first when I first started teaching core. It’s so different than cycling. But teaching core has made me a better cycling instructor too. I feel more focused in class. I love being about to teach both cycling and core. It makes me a well rounded instructor.”
BOOK CLASS WITH SYDNEY
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TELL US YOUR FAVORITE CORE MOVE “You can’t go wrong with a good plank series that burns from the inside out BUT one of my favorite aspects of CORE is the cardio at the end. It really ties the entire class together and makes you feel completely spent at the end of the 45 minutes. I love that we can take something so simple like jumping jacks and completely burn ourselves out (in a good way) from something we used to do for fun as kids.”
HOW DO YOU STAY MINDFUL IN CLASS? “When I’m taking class–its hard HA! No joke. But I try to stay focused and actually listen to what the instructors are telling my mind. I also remind myself that I’m still breathing and that if I’m breathing, I can keep moving.
When I’m teaching: before class I like to either look for a quote that stands out to me or listen to one of my many youtube motivational mantras and find a theme that I want to cover in class. Whether it be patience or letting go of perfection, overcoming fear or learning to have fun when we’re uncomfortable. Then I like to write down the quote or a few keywords on a post-it and put it on my laptop for class to refer back to when I am feeling like I’m being pulled from being present.”
WHAT IS KAYLA’S CORE CLASS LIKE ? “My nickname is the ‘Energizer Bunny’ so that’s pretty much what it’s like haha! A little more upbeat & funky. Fun and also motivating! I like to keep the moves simple but killer. If I can make you laugh during class then that really makes my day. You’ve GOT TO have fun during your workout or you won’t be motivated to keep doing it. It has to appeal to you in more ways than simply physical. I encourage you to keep thinking even though a lot of us tend to workout to escape everything us. In the end, it’s your mind that is going to continue to make your body move.”
HOW HAS CORE MADE YOU BETTER & STRONGER? “Wow. CORE has really made me step outside of my norm. From teaching, I had to take a step back from my normal instructing style & adapt to a unique format with different challenges. CORE has helped me overcome some personal fears & intimidations that held me back in order to get stronger mentally. From taking class... wow. It’s been humbling. I was so used to being a rockstar on my bike that it felt like a huge regression going to a bodyweight strength based class. I struggled and still struggle but CORE has taught me to let go of some perfectionist qualities and accept my body for what it has to give that day while also completely surprising myself on others. I’ve also learned to deal with my feelings. A LOT of feelings come up when you’re trying to push yourself physically. It’s been an eye-opening experience realizing I have so many feelings that need to be dealt with.”
BOOK CLASS WITH KAYLA
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TELL US YOUR FAVORITE CORE MOVE “Warrior 2 flow OR jump squats!”
HOW DO YOU STAY MINDFUL IN CLASS? “Allowing the energy of the room to dictate the flow of the class. Being constantly aware of what people need as they move through the workout and giving it to them as we progress.”
WHAT IS OLIVIA’S CORE CLASS LIKE ? “A constant full body burn where we work really hard to really cool music. I try to pass along little nuggets of personal insight that I hope will translate to everyone individually as we sweat.”
HOW HAS CORE MADE YOU BETTER & STRONGER? “I have never been more aware of my mind and body before. I use core as an outlet for any pent up emotions (stress, anger, fear, etc) and it has really helped me move through so many challenges in my personal life. I am currently in a pretty intense internship environment and I don't think I would have made it through the constant stress of that without the 30+ people that show up to work out with me on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I teach them, but they allow me to feel and be in a way that I can't during my internship.”
BOOK CLASS WITH OLIVIA
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allaroundmelbourne · 6 years
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How Elizabeth Broderick is taking soft-power feminism to the world
Normal text sizeLarger text sizeVery large text size Elizabeth Broderick, women's rights campaigner, UN rapporteur, 2016 Australian of the Year and in the words of one of her more indignant detractors "incompetent vagina", is making her way to the speaker's podium. She glides more than she walks, weaving through the tables of the Members' Dining Room at NSW Parliament, elegant in a tasteful black jacket, checked trousers and low heels. The audience is largely comprised of female lawyers, here to commemorate the 100th anniversary of women being permitted, by our mutton-chopped male forebears, to practise law in NSW and to run for state parliament. Broderick is a former lawyer, too, and these are well and truly her people, in some cases literally her daughter and her niece, both law students, are seated at a table in the front. She places her rectangular-shaped spectacles on her nose and begins her speech. "While the Women's Legal Status Act was passed into law in 1918, voting on this by the men in the NSW Legislative Council was far from unanimous," she says. " The Hon Dr Nash MLC remarked, 'There are many things not within the province of a woman I look upon the whole thing as a joke but we will pass the bill and have the experiment.'" The audience is the result of the experiment, and they love this. The women laugh loudly at the joke, although probably not in the spirit intended by Dr Nash. "And so, the NSW Parliament did." Broderick continues, sweeping through history to show how far we've come from the days of Dr Nash, recounting personal recollections of her time as a young mother at a big law firm (where she pushed for flexible work long before it was fashionable), and sounding a warning about the global backlash against women's rights she sees in her role as United Nations Special Rapporteur on discrimination against women and girls. "There are forces determined to bring men and women back to traditional gender roles, to adopt a regressive stance in the name of tradition," she says. Advertisement Remember when female public figures were counselled to deepen their voices to augment their authority? Broderick never got that memo her voice is soft and she lisps. She peppers her speech, both formal and informal, with feminine tics: she speaks of "joys" and "collaborations", she calls the people she works with "beautiful", whether they are CEOs or factory workers, and she maintains a refreshingly adolescent use of the idiom "Hello!?" and even the occasional, excitable "Holy shit!" in relation to her new role at the UN. But her softness in style should not be misinterpreted. Broderick, or Liz, as she is known to the lawyers, prime ministers, community activists, rape victims, military personnel and recalcitrant misogynists with whom she has softly negotiated during her 35-year career, is on a mission. She wants, she tells me when we meet weeks after the dinner at parliament, "a world where men and women are paid equally, where domestic work is shared, where there is no violence or harassment where all human beings are valued and treated equally". "I am the keeper of thousands of stories, and I think that as I've aged I've grown less tolerant of unequal treatment," she says. Since finishing up as Australia's Sex Discrimination Commissioner in 2015, and fulfilling her 2016 Australian of the Year duties, Broderick, 58, has established her own consultancy specialising in diversity, gender equality and cultural change. More recently, this woman who has been such a strong agent of change in Australia has taken her brand of collaborative, empathic feminism global: in 2017 she was appointed by the UN as an Independent Expert (Special Rapporteur) for the Working Group on Discrimination against Women and Girls, and in 2018 she launched her Male Champions of Change initiative globally. Her travel schedule of the past few months tells the story: in October she was in New York for a meeting with her fellow UN Special Rapporteurs, then she hopped over to Pakistan to convene the first meeting of her Male Champions of Change in that country. After a holiday to Namibia with her dad, sisters and their kids, she came home to work on the report her consultancy is doing for the NSW Police, which has few women at its senior levels. She convened a meeting of the Male Champions of Change in sport, to get them cracking on pay equality for female athletes, and was made a fellow of the Australian Academy of Technology, Science and Engineering. She celebrated Christmas with her family and headed off on a road trip to Broken Hill with her twin sister and their husbands (they do a different Australian road trip every year), then left for Davos, Switzerland, to convene a group of Male Champions of Change in the global tech industry. From there, she flew back to New York for another meeting with her fellow rapporteurs. The UN role, in particular, is a big deal, and because Broderick lives what she preaches, naturally she came down with a bad case of imposter syndrome when applying for it. "I thought, 'Look, there's no chance I would possibly get this role. I'm not qualified enough.'" When she was shortlisted for interview, "that was exciting, but I never thought for a minute I would get the actual role". She was interviewed by a panel of men ("You've got to love that, for women's rights," she says drily) but performed poorly in her estimation. "I said to my husband, 'Well that's it, we can forget about that.'" Advertisement When she was eventually selected for the pro-bono role, there was jubilation, but as Broderick boarded the plane to Geneva for her induction in late 2017, she struggled again. "'Oh my god, what have I done?' 'Am I going to have the skills necessary to do the job well?' 'I don't know what the Istanbul Convention says or what this or that convention says,'" she thought. But then Broderick reminded herself of her other, non-legal expertise. None of the other rapporteurs had worked closely with the military, as she had, when she led the 2011 review into the treatment of women in the Australian Defence Force. Few had worked so closely with the private sector. None had created an initiative like Male Champions of Change, which brought male business leaders together to address gender inequality in corporate Australia. I ask Broderick if she thinks UN Secretary-General Antnio Guterres gives himself stern lectures about leaning in. "Probably not," she laughs. "Do you think any of them do? No, probably not." Hard experience aside, Broderick believes her main skills are her so-called "soft" ones. Her ability to listen sympathetically and without judgement. Her knack for bringing together people with wild differences. Her skill for getting people to find common ground. "I can agree with one small bit of what you're saying somewhere, and if I can do that I can open up a chink," she says, "because if I demolish your view right off the bat, I demolish the life experiences that have shaped you to hold that view." Empathy, compromise, listening: such unshowy, traditionally feminine skills are rare, and even unfashionable, in contemporary public discourse, which seems increasingly shouty, confrontational and divisive. "I try to explore why you hold your view." One view she hears "over and over again" is that we are promoting incompetent women over meritorious men. "I hear that put in really problematic ways," she says like by the guy who emailed her when she was Sex Discrimination Commissioner to tell her she was "an incompetent vagina". You should put that on your business card, I say. Then Broderick swears, ever so sweetly. "Most of them, I do find funny the inside of me is saying, not, 'What the f?', but something like, 'Shoot me now'." She laughs. "I do try to bring us to a deeply human conversation right off the bat." Broderick may be soft in style and discreet in manner. She may wear well-cut suits and live in a leafy Sydney suburb. But in her quiet-but-daring mission to emphasise what we share, rather than what we disagree on, she may just be the greatest counter-cultural warrior Australia has right now.
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"It's just something I have always gravitated towards that deep desire to do something at the heart of shared humanity."Credit:Tim Bauer. Hair and make-up by Giorgia Skye using Charlotte Tilbury. Some weeks after her NSW Parliament House speech, I meet Broderick in the well-appointed downtown Sydney offices of her consultancy. She immediately asks after me: I'm recovering from a child-borne virus and Broderick can talk croup as easily as she can human rights (she has two adult children, Tom, 22 and Lucy, 21). She references a few pieces I have recently written (I learn later she is meticulous in her research), and we fall easily into a chat about my daughter. With Broderick, family infuses every conversation, and she seems generally interested in yours, and in you. Advertisement It strikes me that this is a kind of soft-power superpower. Her own family is close, literally her father, her sisters and their families live within a few blocks of her and husband, Hunter Southwick, in Sydney's north-west. Her identical twin sister, Jane Latimer, a Sydney University professor specialising in musculoskeletal health, does some work at her consultancy. It's early summer, and a blockbuster news week in terms of gender politics. Actress Yael Stone has just given thoughtful interviews to The New York Times and on ABC TV's 7.30 saying actor Geoffrey Rush behaved inappropriately towards her when they worked together on a play. Federal Nationals MP Andrew Broad has resigned following a "sugar daddy" scandal. Federal Liberal MP Julia Banks has recently quit and moved to the crossbench, and the conversation about sexist bullying in politics continues. I ask Broderick what she thinks about Australia's political culture. "I look at it and say it's a culture I wouldn't want my daughter to be part of," she says. "I don't think it's good enough. I don't think the culture should be a political issue, either. It should be a human issue. It is a workplace where we need men and women to thrive equally. How do we get to that place in an institution which is founded on an adversarial system? I don't know. There are no easy answers. How do we bring respect and dignity back into our political process? Even asking the question would be a good first step." Of the Liberal Party, which has low numbers of female MPs, she says, matter-of-factly: "They need a target." Broderick's passion for gender equality does not lie in past injustices done to her. She has led what seems to be a lucky life, one of three daughters to devoted parents who ran a small medical practice together in Caringbah in Sydney's south. Her father was a nuclear medicine physician; her mother (who passed away in 2003, aged 69), a physiotherapist and "real activist". Broderick's father was "a man before his time", she says, and "very much involved in the running of the house and the caring of the kids". Now 88, he hosted the family's recent Namibia trip. Broderick shows me photos on her phone, smiling broadly. "Gender stereotypes imprison men as much as women," she says. "That's to society's detriment."
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Elizabeth Broderick with her husband, Hunter Southwick, and children, Tom and Lucy.Credit:Courtesy of Elizabeth Broderick From the age of about four, Broderick and Jane helped out in the family business, ferrying X-rays and cups of tea. Later, when Broderick and her sisters (Broderick also has a younger sister, Carolyn Broderick, who is the chief medical officer for Tennis Australia) learnt to drive, they were tasked with picking up patients at hospital and bringing them to the surgery. This early experience formed Broderick in two ways: first, it acclimatised her to the world of work, and the integration of work with family. This made it natural for her to lead the way in bringing work/life balance into her legal career in a way that was unthinkable in corporate circles at the time. Second, it honed her empathy: the patients in the surgery were often waiting for a big diagnostic result cancer, or some other disease. "It's probably the one skill I have, is to sit with people who are going through traumatic events, or sit with human suffering, just be with them," she says. "It's just something I have always gravitated towards. So maybe it's that side of it, rather than having a direct experience early on in my life of discrimination that deep desire to do something at the heart of shared humanity." Advertisement Broderick went on to study IT/law at the University of NSW, and it was here that she experienced gender imbalance firsthand. She remembers turning up to one class where she was the only woman. "Assembler programming and digital logic," she recounts. "I realised on day one that if I was to have a chance to pass this course, I needed to help the boys do their essays and they would help me write my programming." After university Broderick followed the graduate trail to London, where she met Southwick, a fellow Aussie, at a Mental As Anything concert. An accountant-turned-financial services consultant with flexible hours, Southwick is the family cook, and Broderick is upfront in saying she could not have had her career without a husband who took an equal role in caring for their kids and running the household. They celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary this year. On her return to Australia, she started as a lawyer at Blake Dawson Waldron (now Ashurst) in the Sydney CBD. She decided to specialise in technology law, which, in the early 1990s, was an emerging practice area and not well regarded by the "real lawyers" of the litigation and commercial departments. By 1991 she was the head of Blake's Legal Technology Group which wasn't as grand as it sounds, she says, as she was the only lawyer in it. Over the next few years, she grew the practice to a staff of eight lawyers. She was made partner in 1994, after being knocked back on her first nomination. In 1996, three of her team members visited over the course of a few weeks to tell her they were pregnant. She hadn't announced it yet, but so was Broderick, with her first child. That meant half the team, including its leader, would be on maternity leave at the same time. Broderick responded by creating a stealth policy of flexible work. The mothers would work part-time, phoning into the office regularly. "We did it under the radar. If the wheels were falling off at work, we could bring the baby in and remedy the situation," she says. "We were absolutely committed to making it work. We wanted to show that it was possible. We didn't ask for permission. We decided we would ask for forgiveness if the wheels fell off." In a stroke of genius, she also hired a former nanny as secretary to the group, who helped out when the babies were in the office. "She was just beautiful, wonderful," says Broderick. When Broderick returned to work after three months' maternity leave, she was the first partner to do so part-time revolutionary in those days. She had her daughter Lucy 18 months later, and took four months' leave, then worked three days a week until both kids were in high school. "I didn't want to just go back to work in the way I had prior to giving birth," she says. "It needed to be different and if it was going to be different, we needed to come up with the solution." Broderick believes the next frontier is getting men more involved in childcare: she believes men should be given four weeks, not two, under the paid parental leave scheme, and that it should be on a "use it or lose it" basis. "Over time, we should move to the equal sharing of care between men and women," Broderick says. "Children do better if dads are involved right from the beginning in their baby's care. But we also need to make sure people who don't have children are given the same opportunities, because you may need flexibility for a whole bunch of reasons." While at Blakes, Broderick began a mentoring program for female university and school students from less-advantaged backgrounds, and initiated female partners' dinners a few times a year. She also ran lunchtime forums for staff on issues like postnatal depression, fertility and career. In the 1990s, discussion of such matters in a big corporate firm was not considered a career-enhancing strategy, says Jane Southward, managing editor of Company Director magazine, who has known Broderick for 15 years. "A lot of men would come to these sessions," Southward says. "Liz had this ability to be really warm and open with men and women about issues that weren't being talked about that openly in the workplace at that time." Southward says that while many women of Broderick's generation instinctually kept quiet about their family life, for fear of harming their professional reputation, "Liz was like, 'Well this is me. Work, life, it's got be merged.'" She credits Broderick with teaching her to speak positively about work in front of her children, instead of beating herself up about missing school assembly because of a meeting, or vice versa. "Her ability to be open about failings or challenges makes it more likely that you'll open up yourself," says Southward. "It's that personal style that makes it unsurprising she is a national and international success." Advertisement
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With her twin sister Jane Latimer.Credit:James Brickwood In 2007, John Howard appointed Broderick Sex Discrimination Commissioner. Her term was renewed twice, once by the Rudd government, once by the Abbott government, so she ended up serving until 2015. "She wasn't a political pick," says Pip Dargan, deputy director of the Asia Pacific Forum of National Human Rights Organisations, who came to know Broderick as commissioner. "Nobody really knew Liz. She was a partner in a law firm. She wasn't hanging out with the Libs or Labor." During her term, Broderick initiated her Male Champions strategy, led a review into gendered discrimination in the defence force following the notorious 2011 Skype incident at the Australian Defence Force Academy, where a cadet secretly filmed a sexual encounter and broadcast it to his mates, and joined with ACTU leader Sharan Burrow, and Australian Industry Group leader Heather Ridout, to build consensus for a national paid parental leave scheme (introduced in 2011 by the Labor government). Dargan, who counts Broderick as a friend, was particularly impressed when she convinced then-Army chief David Morrison to address the annual UN Commission on the Status of Women, in 2012. "Chiefs of army don't go to UN stuff for women. It was like a rock star event in that world." When she commenced the role, Broderick embarked on a "listening tour" which involved meeting a group of Indigenous women in Western Australia's Fitzroy Valley. They included June Oscar, now the first Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Social Justice Commissioner. "Picture the Kimberley in north Western Australia Windjana Gorge, Tunnel Creek, red soil, bright blue sky some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen," Broderick says. "But in the early 2000s, it was an area ravaged by alcohol and violence, including domestic and sexual violence." The women were on a campaign to get alcohol restrictions in the area, and in 2009 they travelled with Broderick to the UN to tell their story of rebuilding their community to the world. "June opened her presentation by speaking in the Bunuba language, her native language, saying, 'This is the first time that the peoples of the world will have ever heard the language of my people', and went on to tell the story of the women of Fitzroy Crossing," Broderick recounts. "It was one of the magical moments of my career. I still remember it was snowing when we arrived in New York in March 2009; it was the first time the women had seen snow." Says June Oscar: "I admire Liz greatly and her commitment is genuine. She was very open to being educated and informed by us as Indigenous women. She established a relationship with us so she could become a champion for Indigenous women in remote Australia. She used her influence and her networks to draw attention to our issues." Oscar says her relationship with Broderick is "life-long".
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Elizabeth Broderick with some of Australias top corporate leaders at a Male Champions of Change event in Sydney in 2013.Credit:Louie Douvis Redressing the global suffering of women and girls: it's quite a big job. Broderick and her fellow UN Special Rapporteurs four other female experts of diverse backgrounds from Croatia, Costa Rica, Nepal and Ethiopia report to the Human Rights Council in Geneva on discrimination against more than half the world's population. A shopping list of the abuses they've reported on so far includes the rape and assault of women in refugee camps, kidnapping of schoolgirls by Boko Haram, inhumane prison conditions for women in Chad (where they're often imprisoned while awaiting a court decision), the jailing in Catholic El Salvador of women who have miscarried (they're accused of aborting their babies), African women who die from the lack of basic obstetric care, and laws seeking to introduce a total ban on abortion in Poland. Then there are the horrors of Islamic State: rape, murder, sexual subjugation. In March, Broderick begins global consultations for her first big UN report, on women's rights at work, then in April she'll embark on her first country visit, to Greece, which is experiencing an influx of asylum seekers fleeing conflict in the Middle East. She'll spend two weeks on the ground visiting government officials, women's rights advocates and asylum-seekers, focusing on the vulnerability of female refugees to assault, and their lack of access to reproductive health services.
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With Hillary Clinton at a Womens Empowerment Principles Leadership Group event in 2015.Credit:Courtesy of Elizabeth Broderick Part of the rapporteurs' work is to write "Official Communications" to heads of state, letting them know the UN is aware of human rights violations. Recently, Broderick had to write one to the government of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, asking questions about the arrest and detention in 2018 of Saudi university student and women's rights activist Noha Al-Balawi. "The guy on the hook for the murder of the journalist, Jamal Khashoggi?" I ask. "Yeah, that one," she says. Would someone like him read, let alone take note of, such a letter? "I kind of had this, 'Why am I even bothering?' Like, hello?' " Broderick concedes with a laugh, before getting serious. "Then I thought, 'I have to reframe how I think about impact, because if I am expecting to take a particular action and have an immediate and direct response, that's actually an illusion at the level at which I am now working, a global systems level.'" So Broderick came up with a more positive way to perceive the work. "There may be a moment in the history of that nation when that leader wants to move the nation forward, and they will link onto something," she says. "It may be this letter they will use to do that. Our letter will matter." How much does an activist engage with the systems of power she is trying to tear down? It is a question Broderick had already confronted, when she created the Male Champions of Change initiative as Sex Discrimination Commissioner. The program was, and is, controversial, some arguing that it elevates men as heroes for doing what they should have done years ago, namely, appointing women to boards and executive positions. Nareen Young, a professor of Indigenous policy at the University of Technology Sydney, was CEO of the Diversity Council Australia during Broderick's tenure as Sex Discrimination Commissioner. She is complimentary of Broderick but sceptical of the Male Champions strategy. "I'm not sure it's anything more than window dressing, and elevating men for the sake of it, in a discussion that should be led by women," she says. "I was [also] very concerned as a long-term activist around women and work issues, that [Broderick's] focus as Sex Discrimination Commissioner seemed to be women on boards. That applies to a minute number of women in the workforce. I was very surprised there wasn't more push-back around her focus on the top end of town." Broderick is aware of the criticism and rejects it: politely, of course. "I hear what Nareen says," she says. "I think she has a valid point. Male Champions of Change is focused on the top end of town, but it's focused there for a reason, because it's about shifting power, and opening up space to share it equally with women. It is just one strategy." Giam Swiegers was one of the first men Broderick nervously cold-called on her hunt for Male Champions (there are now more than 200 of them, from corporate Australia through to the military, sport and public service, and it's now a not-for-profit organisation with its own CEO and board). At the time, in 2011, Swiegers was CEO of Deloitte Australia (he now heads Aurecon). Their conversation, he recounts, "was all of 30 seconds. She is very persuasive." Swiegers signed up, which means paying membership fees and attending meetings four times a year, taking the "panel pledge" of not speaking on all-male panels or calling it out if you found yourself on one, and making your company's gender-equality data transparent. Swiegers encountered internal criticism from his female employees. "A lot of our women said, 'This is so arrogant, men wanting to fix women.' But we were never seeking the silver bullet. We realised that what we were doing was very hard. The hardest part was trying to work out why it wasn't working." Broderick says the Male Champions would lament how quickly their percentages would drop off when senior women resigned, and would go into "group therapy mode" about it. "I'm convinced that, if one day this problem of reaching true gender equality is solved, there is no person in Australia who has played a more important role than Liz," says Swiegers.
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Elizabeth Broderick in Papua New Guinea last September, during the launch of an initiative to tackle family and sexual violence. Credit:Courtesy of Elizabeth Broderick It's easy to forget that, just a decade ago, the F-word was not popular in high-level business circles. David Thodey, former CEO of Telstra, was another early member. "I can still remember a time when I thought I should not continue, as our gender leadership metrics were not changing quickly enough and we were not meeting our targets," he recounts. Broderick persuaded him to stay, arguing that it was "important for male leaders to show tenacity and be leaders, despite the challenges". Last November the program launched in Pakistan, with 10 CEOs and a female advisory panel with "some of those amazing Pakistani feminists", the latter "to see that it's all about action, not talking". Leaders in India and the Philippines have also expressed interest, and in January Broderick jetted to Davos in Switzerland to chair a Male Champions meeting of global tech CEOs, including Federico Marchetti from YOOX Net-a-Porter Group, Jonathan Newhouse from Cond Nast and Lord Tony Hall from the BBC. The men made the panel pledge, committed to lifting the number of female leaders in the tech sector, and published in the Financial Times a full-page "open letter to every male leader in the tech sector" to join them. "We will work in any nation where there is a strong patriarchy," says Broderick. "Well, hello?!" she says. "That would have to be every nation in the world."
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Elizabeth Broderick at the UN speaking on behalf of the Working Group on Discrimination against Women and Girls.Credit:Courtesy of Elizabeth Broderick Broderick is excited by #MeToo and the global flowering of feminism that brought it forth. When I mention it, she leaps delightedly on her notes; she has just this morning written down a quotation from Tarana Burke, the African-American grassroots activist who began the movement. She reads it to me reverentially. But she sees clouds on the horizon, too. "How safe is it for women to attach their names to it?" she asks. "When [Burke] conceived it, it was about transformation of the system that allowed sexual violence to occur but where #MeToo has come to is the individuals." In focusing on the "white, wealthy Harvey Weinsteins", we risk ignoring hospitality and domestic workers, she says, or women in residential university colleges, like the ones at Sydney University Broderick reported on, as a private consultant, in 2018 (some have criticised this report as a whitewash which didn't include enough testimony from assault victims. Broderick says she could not include detailed victims' stories without identifying them). Broderick believes men are trapped by traditional roles. "I was part of a generation of girls who was told, 'You can do anything,' but I don't think a corresponding message was given to boys about having a strong role in caring. Most men have been forced to choose." Many men have nevertheless been "imperfect allies" to women, she says, and need to examine their own past behaviour. "They need to listen to the stories of women and talk to them about what action they can take." She worries that men's fear of mis-stepping in the current climate will lead to a shutting-down of the "informal sponsorship of women" that can be so crucial to careers. "When I look back on my own career, it was decent, beautiful men who informally sponsored me. They showed me the rules of the game. That's what helped me build my career. It wasn't the only thing but it helped me. And if that's shut down, women are more excluded from power than they were before." We discuss the experiences of Catherine Marriott, who accused former Nationals MP Barnaby Joyce of sexual harassment, and Eryn Jane Norvill, who made a confidential complaint of inappropriate conduct against actor Geoffrey Rush, and Ashleigh Raper, the ABC journalist who said former NSW Opposition leader Luke Foley touched her inappropriately at a function. "None chose to tell their story," Broderick says. "When I speak to less high-profile women and ask them to speak up, they say, 'Liz, not only would I be the victim of the incident, I would be the victim of not bringing it to the attention of management.'"
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Elizabeth Broderick in her home.Credit:Tim Bauer. Hair and make-up by Giorgia Skye using Charlotte Tilbury. Broderick does ponder how real change can happen within the unwieldy global bureaucracy of the UN. A friend recently remarked to her that "it must feel a bit like stirring wet cement with your eyelashes" and she says "there are days when that's absolutely the case". But her natural optimism always wins out. "There will be push-back, times when it seems no one is listening, when it seems no one cares, times when I start to lose hope. And that can seem overwhelming. But I also believe this is my work to do. I know Australia has much to offer. We come with new ideas, new energy and an absolute determination. That's the change I want to be part of." To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times. Jacqueline is a senior journalist, columnist and former Canberra press gallery sketch writer for The Sydney Morning Herald. https://www.theage.com.au/national/how-elizabeth-broderick-is-taking-soft-power-feminism-to-the-world-20190204-p50vko.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed
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This is not a Sci-fi novel, this is an experimental short story.
  Take all notion of time or possible dating out of it!! IT should just be, time has become timeless, no more history. Fukyama.
 This story is about 9/11, this story is about conspiracy, collective unconscious, genetics, memetics, humanism, nihilism, the universal, neo liberalism, primeval regression, death drive.
 Add segment about the solar economy ( bataille), this is absolutely necessary, linked to the two collective unconscious segments, one relatively recent, 9/11, and one thee deepest of primeval, the sun, the universe etc.
 9/11 is the main point of this story. The deep trauma, the sleep walkers, turning up outside peoples houses, realatives of those involved, relatives of victims and perpetrators. Their young menstruating daughters then taken under hypnosis, their psyches filtered and deciphered, fragments of 9/11 found in them. All of them menstruate at the same time, all try and walk to 9/11, all walk to different clues in the lie. WRT 9/11 the subconscious just knows something’s not right, because the people that perpetrated the killings are still alive and thus are still effecting the group collective consciousness. Without being able to control it a guilty partys unconscious will project it to those around him, and they in turn will know that something is not right, they will then pass this message on, until it eventually travels from human to human. The lie is known, we unconsciously know the truth. That is why we cant stop making the 9/11 memes, cant stop revisiting the trauma , the scene of the crime. The perpetrators start to try and avoid society, kill off any unnecessary members of the group, lead line their clothing, lead line their house, use special creams to interfere with the collective unconscious transferring from person to person.
           This could also be linked to the collective unconscious of all people in all time and more specifically ancestors in your own lineage. My grt grt grt grt grt grt grt….. caveman grandfather was a passionate killer and his conscious will cannot stand the idea of such a bastard thing happening, so much so he causes these unconscious take overs of the self .
           Perhaps people who want to uncover the truth, drug themselves, hypnotise themselves to find out what the collective is trying to tell them.
 Perhaps these sleep walkers become more and more aggressive, start to have the characteristics of zombies.
 Free will needs to be fully explained as in where it stands right now, peter watts. should be pushed more, Varley should be more representative of the madness of humanity, its obsession with dominance over collective unconscious, genetics, memetics and eventually even consciousness itself.
 Varleys character should be unrecognisable perhaps? Unhuman, everything that we think of as human is gone, cut up, sectioned off. All that’s left is a slither of conscious thought, which is then useless on its own, what could be the purpose of life after that?
     The guttering woke Varley, water spilling over the edge, louder and louder. It had been coming away from the brickwork, it spilled out onto the dustbin 2 floors below.
 All the fastenings coming loose form the house, mortar now rotten, just sand, washed away by the heavy showers. 400 year old house, polymer upgrades would be expensive, and none of the tradesmen would want to touch it. The display systems flickered, audio splitting with cracks and stutters. The bricks glowed slightly, something about the clay, about the nature in them. It seemed to effect the wattage to pieces of hardware, increasing in areas, only a fraction, seemed to change the way things were processed, things take the long way round, a certain unpredictability within the cores.
 Not a bad time to wake, Varley prayed, forearm fizzed, leaped out of bed, the bedding, completely shocked, flung itself across the room. Its materiality, suddenly becoming strange as it crumpled against the wall, falling to the floor it resumed its regular physical properties. Stopping in the landing, placed their hand on the wooden balustrade and felt its vibrations. There was noise, the bin room, back of the building, the sound drifted up, stillness now, right hand against the plaster board wall, resident moisture met the specks from the skin.
 Varley switched on the Articles, started where they’d left off, volume 569, 4.5 billion years of natural, cosmological, cultural history shuffled and on loop.
 Article 8437:3894.1 Birdsong deciphered, 17 year research programme at the U.C.L.A COMA Institute of Animal Welfare. 97% of their language is directly translated as verbal abuse (bigoted, racist, death and rape threats), 3% is used to talk about shitting and the colour of shit. Their social structures seem to be some of the most bigoted and brutal to have been discovered. The Common Sparrow inspects its young within 3 minutes of birth, checking for ‘weak’ or ‘disloyal’ features. A male with the wrong shade of brown, the father will scream ‘Faggot’, the mother will push her beak into its soft chest to crush its heart. The father will scream ‘Faggot’ again before tossing it out the nest. Females deemed ‘un-sexy’, the mother will scream ‘Cunt Faggot’, the chick’s eyes gouged, raped by father, womb ripped out by mother before being thrown out the nest. The sparrow community is enraptured by these birthing rituals, adult females are raped repeatedly, and many males are killed in a frenzy of fights.
 Varley pushed off wall and banister, padded down the stairs, information was arriving, the monitor clicked on, messages piling up. Varley sat, chair towards the glass, a plane passing, 8 miles out. Its image starting and stopping.
 Second monitor clicked, dimmed as they focused. 1 pending job, Governmental, Financial, Swansea Council, Welfare and Pensions, 60mb/s, a Latency of 478, CPU share of 17%, a minimum 25% partition and an hourly of £73. Accepted, share was high but money was good, sat back to adjust to the new measures, prayed to account for increased latency, skin in between fingers itched. Via Sydney took a look at the work, data transfer, 7,643 seeds, so boring it had to be legitimate, disconnected and burnt the trail through the proxy. Head lolled from side to side. Four hours was worth it, you don’t even notice.
 Tingling in the groin and gut, designated a subconscious porn loop to restrain, tingling stopped, looked for nutrient levels, all fine, a spluttering hiss as the plankton paste regulated itself.
 Closed eyes, shallow in the animal brain, echo of an orgasm and breakfast, barely started. Gone now, pray, face washed in basin. Ever soft features. Neat teeth, tongue soft purple, gums grey. Micro genitalia, a clitoral penis, vaginal opening, universal anus. A prayer, tingling in the belly, soft colours around the tips of the ears, left eye shaking.
 The universal arsehole, the cosmic leveller, the purity of the squirting little squid in your pants, make me some putty now. Come brother come sister, stare at the sun, clean your retinas. Crouch, bend forward and shit, heels lifting out of our shoes, hands clasped to one another. The democracy of the arse hole, the point at which we can all meet, I know you a bit better because I know my own arse hole. Our best kept secret, we’re all the same, we all have a horrid little squirmer in our pants, let’s hold hands now.
 Noise from the bins, swivelled towards the doorway, palm up, sends a push down the hallway. Push loped round the corner, down the passage, through the larder and hitting the back door, dissipating in ripples through it. A cat, the cat pushes back, Varley prays, the cat pushes again, this time softer, watching as its colours tumbled and died away in the hall.
 Varley closed both eyes as the sun broke through the clouds, irritated at first, then thankful for the warmth and the delicate pink light making its way through the lids. Each nano second an eternity, you are here forever. An ever-dying eternity of the sun. Eternal entropic existence, warm and fuzzy. The solar economy, one way in, one way out. In between things, between states of entropic dissolvent, no fighting.
 Self cauterising laser surgery. Swivelled, legs outstretched, Stood, pulled a length of tissue from the roller. Covering the mattress with it, pulled the wheely from the corner. Laying down, starting scan, 0.25% growth, minor subcutaneous tissue near hip. Awkward ruptures between Tibia and Fibula on right leg. Display stutters, showing a helix of calcium spiralling up out of the bone, Varley could suddenly feel it. Fatty growth around the liver as usual.
 8.40am, a third of the way though the Swansea seeding, Varley paused the Governmental partition, always recommended full CPU when self cleansing.
 Room temperature boosted 5 degrees, undressed, reached for wipes and prepped the work areas. The wipe dissolving the hair and colouring the skin bright white, white for clean and white for display pickups. Liquid gathered between the fingers, painted their calf, around the liver entry, checking the display, painted left hip also. Droplets gathered and dripped, tracing down the leg, a glowing trail, speeding down the side of the foot and staining the floor. Liver area a patchwork of bleach, the skin especially soft from all the attention would split in funny ways, elastic mesh to keep the skin together. Petroleum lubed skin, hooked up pressure pads on calf, liver and hip, hissing blood pushed out of tissue.
 Article 4588:9379.6. Proven links in underground gene/meme warfare that leave the human suffering in the middle, hurt by both parties. The gene, the original replicator, the maker of the survival machine that is human, the maker of the brain. The brain, the birth place of a new, more efficient evolutionary force, the meme, each with it’s own blind agenda, each their own stubborn will to live. The human left confused between their blind squabbles, each pulling in a different direction, always towards suffering.
           The genes role was to best adapt to it’s physical surroundings, this in no longer necessary. The meme has created culture and society, a new environment for evolutionary survival. The pace of adaptation and change reached dizzying speeds. The parasites that are meme and gene fighting over the body and damaging it in the meantime. The body is just the vessel, the vessels only purpose is to carry the genes , it’s purpose now is to propagate memes as well as partially genes. Consciousness and the ffeling of self, agency, is just a mistaken by product created in the conquests of meme and gene. It has been allowed to stay as long as it is behaved. Consciousness, a transitional product between gene survival and the birth of memes stuck in the middle.
           Consciousness became involved in the mess, the growth of memes invading consciousness, the rejection of religion, the  fear of death, the adoption of memes that tried to comfort one of that reality.
           Part of the weaponry created by this mix up was cancer, a fumbled offspring of two blind, deaf and dumb mad scientists, part gene, part meme and part consciously willed. The gene losing the fight, the  meme wanting immortality, the gene responding, adapting as fast at it could, started to propagate cancerous cells, cells that were in blind short term understanding immortal. Constant reproduction, constant growth, but with the unforeseen consequence of killing the host.
 It began by redoubling it’s efforts to squash both, increasing violence, sex drive, selfishness in a bid to destroy culture and society. Trying to push humans back into small tribal pockets, back into the dark ages where they can forget their memetic pararsites and the plague of consciousness that had infected the brain. But memes and consciousness fought back, vying to stay alive and the cancer war began. It lead to millennia of backward stagnation, the strange hypocritical, contradictory projects, capitalism, communism etc etc. Strange societies, run on contradiction and obfuscation, fuled by memes counsness and a voracious genetic code. The war had begun and it was a foul state to witness. Memetics and genetics only know the primeval, they only know the brutality of the universe, the systems they make are ones of blunt trauma and self serving vice, this is what human society had followed for thousands of years. Society became a ritualistic place of genetic and memetic role-play, a strange stage for us to express our memetic and genetic desires, to enact our unconscious drives.
This war created conditions experienced in the 21st century, this bizarre unstable situation, 2 blind megalomaniacs and a scared confused consciousness. The ‘self’, believing it was in control of its actions, believing that free will existed, when really it had nothing, no say in anything, pulled this way and that by it’s unconscious masters. Until it was all revealed, genetic behavioural code revealed, consciousness becoming aware of what its master were. Fooling us all along, unconscious areas of the brain making decisions well in advance of any conscious process, the feeling of free will and ‘agency’ produced is a retroactive construction, protecting the mind from the feeling of helplessness. A key feature in genetic and memetic survival, the vessel must understand little to nothing of it’s actions while believing they are in full control.
 Cancer was a desperate attempt for the gene to take back control of the situation. It had started to feel the presence of the invaders, consciousness and the memes. Now the genes were turning on their own creation, desperately trying to pare it back. Cancer was it’s weapon, the body need not live that long anyway, only for enough time to reproduce and protect the family. The life cycle needed to be addressed, too much time for consciousness and memetics to start interfering in matters.  
 Memes and genes however lacked one thing, that was foresight, the ability to imagine. This allowed humans to retake control of the body, the brain. To regulate both gene and meme and allow consciousness to take back territory. Humanity unified by consciousness, the one true leveller that is shared by all, everything else is just memetic or genetic behavioural systems, race, gender, class, sexuality.
 Laying down on the bed, face to the paper towel. Turning over, best to do the calf muscle last. Scanned again, local anaesthetic injected around entry point, Varley began the clean at the liver, using hands, head to the side at wheely’s monitor, small claws pinching the skin, tension, pressure pad off, skin quickly parted, no blood. Pushing stomach out the way, fascia snipped, parted just enough to allow access to bottom of liver, 0.18mm shave, fat sucked and vaporised, liver shines, light colour of new cells, quickly pared back to the darker red. Exits, sealing partitions and skin, rearranging stomach, skin pulled together sealed, 1 inch opening when the clamps let go, final seal. Second cut at hip, cells on inside of subcutaneous tissue, more anaesthetic, pressure pad removed, small skin door opened, shaved and sealed, no longer than a minute. Unclips screen, flips over, drops pressure pad into sterilising bucket, suction skin, the layers peeling back, new pads sucking and holding. Small robotic arms from the wheely work calmly, anaesthetic, muscle split, calcium spiral bored out, bone saturated with inert solution, sealed, exits, layers back in place, sealed and finished. Varley flips over, reattaches screen, a pink droplet runs from the liver stitch, wraps midriff with surgical compress. Sits on edge of bed, flushes guts into bucket and wipes down body. Skin tingles, some potential energy. Varley prays and fingers itch.
 Washes face, features so soft, nose barely rising out of skull, soft dome eyes, wide slits, tiny lashes, hairless body, micro genitalia
  Article 4588:9379.6 Genetic code regulation, neurochemical inhibitors and digital brain stem attachments were now the standard. Consciousness was now the unifying factor for humanity, consciousness was the only way out of this ruinous situation that genes and memes and lead us. It was discovered that consciousness comes in and out of human society, sometimes it is necessary for both evolutionary parties, other times it is a hindrance and must be stamped out. The process of genes removing consciousness could be done in as little as 5 generations. This didn’t leave the world governments much time to act to try and save consciousness.
 The understanding of our genetic sequencing enabled society to quickly back some control of the genes. Reproduction for a time became a state controlled procedure, given the circumstance people were relieved, the current position being that 38% of the population was dying before the age of 45, with the age decreasing year on year. No one wanted the genes to be in control anymore.
 The memes were dealt with brain stem attachments, the aim being to overload the brain with information and then while it is distracted to try and let consciousness make unencumbered decisions. Artifical free will. Brain stem attachments developed, to confuse and hinder the animal brain, to lead it into a complete state of confusion. Just background noise. The Brain stem attachments, digital hyper loops for media projection techniques. The unit running constantly, updated remotely if more effective loops found. The loops floods the memetic holding areas of the brain, leading to saturation, this saturation temporarily dissipates the ability for memes to hijack consciousness and propagate themselves. The synthesised loop using imagery, sound, music, many different sensory devices. This part of the brain has been partitioned so they are not noticed by the user. It did cause headaches on some of the earlier models. The loops are updated and refreshed daily, the memetic receptors quickly learn the loops and began to operate outside them, refreshing them never gives them this option. The saturation of this part of the brain gives consciousness a chance to respond to reality without the constant pull of the memetic agenda.
 When first experienced, users felt rather empty, especially after v.2293747 of the genetic code, with many genetic behaviours removed. People’s heads all of a sudden felt empty, this feeling was worrying for many. Used to the comforting totalitarian drives of the gene and meme, now suddenly alone, left with no one to guide. People felt empty and life became very abstract, many suicides, it took a long time to get used to. Life suddenly, became a quite bizzare experience, where as before ‘things made sense’ but for no reason apart from delusion of agency and delusion of purpose.
 Artifical Free will, free will is never possible because synapses can never fire on their own. Need to stress this! One media loopto saturate the memetic ares of the brains. One part of the brain stem attachment fire synapse’ in the brain. When firing, the brain would be active and then thoughts upon this platform are slightly freeer than previously. We are reactive beings, we take information from the outside world and then respond to it, we are not proactive, we cannot create thoughts out of nothing. Our brains can only react to what we feed it, it cannot create anything of its own.
 Neurochemical brain levellers, brain chemicals regulated, remove all fluctuations, to reduce the chances of acting based on genetic hormone releases. Everything was flattened out to give consciousness the best chance.
 The cancer though was a continued problem, genes had seemingly become more sophisticated, something hidden to us was going on and the labs were in a constant battle to irradicate its cancer spreading, age of death had bee rescued and now stood at 85, still 45 years off what was once the average age of death, 135.
 Then go into brain rape, brain stem attachments, articial free will and the conscious trying to outplay genetics and memetics to gain some sort of control over their reality, this is the purpose of genetic control and brain stem attachments, to forcibly take control. How to supress memes? Overloading the brain with ideas and then from that point of total knowing make a ‘free’ choice, not allowing any one meme to take control, not enough space for all memes, just a little taster of each to create artificial free will.
 A reminder pops up as Varley is towelling the last of the pink saline droplets leaking from the incisions. All surgical rinsed at the wheely, then placed in it’s central autoclave for sterilisation. Wheely pushed under the mantle piece where a fire place would have been.
           The reminder was a Rotation notification, Varley stepped into stores and found the freeze dried samples. Once every 3 months sperm and eggs samples were given, for research and also reproduction.
           The door buzzed as Varley padded back down the stairs towards the front door. Opening as they neared it, the bright light pouring in, Varley moving feet to avoid it’s heat. There was an awkward whirring outside, the wheeled drone, stuck on the upturned bin lid. Taking a black umbrella from the hall, Varley slipped on some flip flops, opening the umbrella as they stepped out, the heat of the sun still making it through the shield. Being out in the sun all morning the bin lid was hot, it’s shiny surface reflecting the light back onto the pale legs, skin itching from the irritation.
Varley soon freed the wheel, unable to pick the lid up, kicked it to one side of the path. Indifferent to Varley’s presence, the buggy carried on it’s journey to the front door where it tooted it’s chirping electronic horn. The mother drone waiting in the middle of the street, the little bays opening up for its returning kids. Varley made their way back inside, scanning the packages on the front sensor then placing them into the open hatch, its cooled interior air a huge contrast to outside atmosphere. The lid closed and the buggy whirred back through the front gate, down the curb and back into its designated bay in the mother drone. Last back the mother drone now sped off, back to the regional facility. The facility will process the specimens, apply any new updates to the genetic code (normally 10-20 alterations found made a month), some samples kept for research, viable stabilised code sent on to a randomised facility, where all the worlds modified genes were kept. There the lottery would begin, the whole worlds sperm and eggs, randomly chosen to create the next generations. V.8402893 was the current genetic base, our own gene pool, now consciously controlled. No parents, no tribes apart from humanity at large. (platos republic idea?, Sparta’s societal structure). Becoming a sole agent within society.
             Varley was back upstairs, already had a universal credit payment from the Reproduction centre. Sat down at the screens,
   Perhaps adding something to say that games were the future of all social interaction and experience.
      Sleep walker 9/11 article. The weaving of the collective conscious and unconscious into video form, film editors, the new order of priest soothsayers. Reconstructed from hive mind footage, which is exctracted from collective consciousness, sleep, hypnosis, young girls on mentrals cycles. A girls first period (girls monitored for this, as first period arrives they are examined for fresh collective memoris, passed down from generations, secrets, loves, stories, horrors.
 Collective conscious starts to get heavy, get saturated, starts to obsess over traumas, over guilt. The consciousness becoming more sensitive and more powerful. Sleepwalking was the first instant, people would begin walking, end up at ground zero, massed outside people houses (guilty people).
  Article 4588:9379.6. Senen Cove, 14th March 2014
 Without disturbing the covers, her bare legs slipped out of the bed, her feet instinctively finding the slippers. Her husband snorted at the slight disturbance, turning over awkwardly, his t-shirt catching in such a way that would eventually lead to his arm going numb, upon waking he would realise his wife had gone.
           Her feet had pushed all the way into the faux fur slippers, her night gown falling to just below the knee. She was now seated on the side of the bed, hands massaging the mattress, all the muscles in the face relaxed, eyes shut, still sleeping. She stood and made her way across the room, she crossed the landing, walked slowly down the stairs, hand on the bannister, at the bottom she slowly unlocked the door.
           Senen Cove was a small village, deep south west, Lands End, England, it was 4.12am and dark. The wind was blowing bitterly as Claire walked down the central road through the village. She turned sharply, through the pub car park, over the knee high timber bar and down the shingle embankment.
           Halfway down the slope she twisted her ankle, falling head first into the loose rocks. An automatic groan as the wind was knocked out of her, rolled onto her back and stood, carrying on her journey towards the sea. She hobbled down the rest of the embankment, clearing the shingle and out onto the sandy beach.
The sun was just pushing up over the land behind her as her slippers touched the cold water. Her pace unchanged as she proceeded into the sea. The blue black darkness calling her forward, her head held transfixed on the horizon, her eyes shut, still sleeping.
The dark water was now chest height, breathing now short, her footing lost where the sea bed fell abruptly away. Her head underwater, she breathed in, filling her lungs, the cold salty sea funnelled into her lungs. Chest convulsed, partly retching the water back up, with her head still under the next breath drew in more water, this continued until she was unconscious, each convulsion gentler than the last.
   Were part of the unearthing of the 9/11 myth, through a hive mind, collective conscious investigation. Groups have started to investigate the past, freedom of information of the past, the agencies tried to disrupt this but the hive minds managed to stop this. (think of Peter Watts at the beginning of that book, the government systematically killing the hive minds, against anything that goes up against them). They were able to contact spirits within the atmosphere, or troubled spirits from the actual locations of these traumatic events, these investigations are recorded, fragments of memories stored. Different spirit perspectives brought together, edited to work out what happened, moment by moment. Video editors, are now almost soothsayers, spiritual, their practice is magical as well as technical.
 The spirits are haunting the world, not being released into the cosmos where they are meant to join the flux/wind of the universal, the universal. The guilt plagues the spirit, and is spat out upon death only to travel within 8 km of where the death took place, given the size of the universe, 8km is like being stuck in a shoe. As you can imagine, in New york this was difficult, given it’s size and a human propensity to trauma and guilt.
 They unearthed the memories from the people, not only could they interact with the spiritual they could also tap into relatives of the people, particularly the daughters, particularly while menstruating. They did this with the help of drug inducement and hypnotherapy, stored memories deep in their unconscious.
 They also find fidden footage of the actual event, the inside of these rooms and the stair wells as they were being boarded up. Gassed, sleeping gas. They find this buried in the back garden of someone home, he never knew what his father had done in his life. He had himself always had an inexplicable fear of the garden. The package was sealed, and secured in special containers. It seems we never want to die with these things, we always want to leave some sort of trace, some way that the truth can still be got at somehow.
 The hive minds and Editor Shaman have got together with surveillance to set up detection posts across the lands. To detect these restless, ‘Grounded’ spirits.
 They depend on these conspiracy theories, they depend on terrorism, they depend on prejudice, cold war, racism, sexism. They depend on all forms of bigotry and self interest. All of these Narratives have helped the retainment of the status quo and the oppression of the masses for the world over, everyone has been fucked by this, everyone. Everything is a smokescreen for economic oppression, there’s no way that without these things people would put up with the lack of social mobility etc etc etc etc. The more the consciousness of the people grow, the more desperate the agencies get. Greater amounts of force is necessary, greater spectacles, the more outrageous, the more unthinkable the more believable and also the more open to conspiracy theories. They actually aim to make the false flag scenarios as complicated and outlandish as possible, of course they could have just blown up the twin towers on that day, but that would have been to easy, not enough of a spectacle, they needed the whole world to tune it, the whole world to see the fantastic display of badly masked planes supposedly hitting the towers. If it wasn’t so unbelievable no one would have believed it.
           They left too many clues though, the money, the bonds, the hijackers, the drills, that amateur masking.
 This was all revealed by a secret silicone valley group The Hive minds ended up unearthing all of this. Elon Musk  managed to get one up on the world agencies and set up an independent bureau of investigation.
Elon Musk is himself the centre of a conspiracy theory, he tactically nuked himself apparently after writing a digital suicide note. The tactical nuke became a favourite of the authorities as it handily enough vaporised all evidence and made the crime scene un-investigable for many months. I wonder what lengths someone such as Musk must go through not to be assassinated by the authorities, how careful does he have to be not to be framed, self suicide etc. What securities does he have to build up, personal, physical, technical, governmental, international. etc etc.
 There are some who say this has been planned for a long time, and that for years it has been forced into our collective conscience. Through imagery, 911 emergency, all these things, so when it does happen we’re already comfortable with the idea, we’re already halfway to believing it. ( talk about precognitional memory, the shadow government already have a deep understanding of this, they know that propaganda just needs to be maintained through ought the present and into the future to make us believe it right now, they know it’s a 300 year old plan that started yesterday.
 There are now inbuilt programs that can detect possible precognition patterns, like an antivirus. Every person now has their own defences, their only checks on everything, food, water, information, everything is checked, double checked.
   Need More Varley -Varley Gaming here, alternative economy, brain power used to organise economy (like bit coin harvesting). Neo liberal capitalism modelled on 3.5 billion year old genetic survival, need an economy for the future.
  Conscious Rape , started with the hyperfrontality epidemic, all forms of stimulation. This brought about the unification of the sexes, the unification of gender, sexuality, classes, nations. We were all suddenly seen as one thing, one being, slight human consciousness. The forever misguided human consciousness, forced, coerced into nearly all actions. Consciousness became the unifying force in all of this, all of us,
This first led to big crack downs on all visual, audio, media stimulation that could be seen as collaborating with either genetic or memetic survival at the detriment to the human subject. For billions of years the human consciousnessn the human being had always come second, now with memes on the scene, it was trailing in third place. There needed to be a rebalancing.
The brain was deemed woefully out of date, out of touch with the new world. The Brain is a 3.5 billion year old piece of hardware, only getting a firmware update every million or so years, it could not keep up with the alter, alien devices that proliferated around the world. Consciousness Rape clauses aimed to stop companies and media preying on us. Sex, Fear, Violence, Death, all these things were part of the problem. The populations of the Centro Western States came together and agreed to try and limit the constant inseccessant attacks on the struggling consciousness. All sexualities, all genders, all classes came together for this.
           Devices were developed to single out animal, or knee jerk brain responses. People were notified in real time when they were making decisions based on a limited free will or their animal instincts. There can never be free will, but the closest thing to it. Discuss free will, Peter Watts, how can there be free will when everything is a reaction, you can only ever react you can never assert yourself, you can’t make yourself think, full stop.
   Genetic Code roleplaying as humans, memes also roleyplaying as humans, consciousness stuck in the middle of these blind , waring factions. Memes and Genes also trying to get rid of consciousness, it wan’t good for either of them.
 Culture is a tool for genes and memes inject the illusion of agency upon a being. Culture/society as stage for us to role play within. Memes and genes needs consciousness in order to survive, it holds this consciousness, maintains it through culture. Society/ Culture is all an unconscious creation of these survival systems.
           All areas of human life just a performance to enhance reproduction of these entities. Different genes and meme sets , with different skills put together different showcase areas to highlight their skills in order to impress mates and engender themselves within the social structure. Sciences, arts, government, money, banking, finances, nature, these are all tribes that are vying with each other in order to promote their gene/meme sets.
  Reciepts (gang of murderers)
Gang of people murdering high ranking officials on their death bed, 40 years after their offence. The list of damned people is public, so they know it’s coming. Will kill you 5 years before your estimated death.
       End on the sun, the solar exchange, varley looking again at the outside world, the hot rays, perhaps he decides to spend the rest of the day on the roof sunbathing, building up his relationship with the mother of existence, his true parent. The Sun is our immediate provider, our immediate creator, we are her offspring, she is our mum. We can only learn from her example, for ever giving like the sun, even unto our own destruction.
 Perhaps elaborate on the idea that once we leave this we become part of the universal, then the universe dies and becomes a part of something else, then that dies and becomes part of something else. Where is the end point of this? Ballard, voices of time!!
  Fish all fucking the wrong types of fish. Both chemical and sound pollution began interfering with fish migration and breeding patterns. The high levels of mercury inducing bouts of clinical schizophrenia and mass hysteria amongst many species of fish. Oceanic disturbances first reported off the Costa Rican coast, the Gulf of Nicoya’s beaches and inlets clogged with rotting fish carcasses. A group of marine biologists with the help of local fisherman soon found the source. A shoal of cod, 850,000 in number, a gluttonous whirlpool, its exterior surrounded by adult males, the interior a prison to females and the young. At night the shoal would surface, their furious circular swimming creating a whirlpool capable of dragging under smaller vessels.
            The Cod seemed to be systematically dismantling the oceanic ecosystems. When their prey was bigger than them they’d devour it, when it was smaller than them they’d rape it. The death of 37 researchers over 4 years led to many countries not allowing scientists in the water. The swarm had developed a society of constant hysteria and manic bloodlust.
They came to have a semi religious cult following by some fringes of society. People thought it was the end of the world, hundreds sacrificed themselves to the shoal, large boats, full of sacrificials would head out after nightfall. Cutting off the engines upon approaching the shoal, the sacrificals would then enter the water, the current from the whirlpool drawing them slowly in. Satilite images of whole families sucked into the swarm of fish, the blood swirling round, in the anti-clockwise motion of the swarming fish. Simultaneously drowned and eaten alive. Underwater footage of these mass suicides were often leaked from military vessels monitoring the swarm. The fish passing the sacrifices down the walls of the shoal to the bottom of the tornado of fish, the limp bodies, clothes delicately stripped off, cartwheeling down the outside of the throbbing structure, pushed and pulled downwards. The bodies were almost completely  stripped by the time they reach the bottom the structure. The flesh prepared perfectly for the young of the shoal at the bottom, meant tender, ripped into manageable strips. The fish were seen as Satanic, the coming of the apocalypse, their steely dead eyes, looking into the camera, indifferent to existence.
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