#patch 1.30

[yorkshire-rockchick]

Just sat here, waiting for the painkillers to kick in

[amethystamanda]

More Animal Names

More Names for Object Animals, Their Homes, and Cowplants

I was tired of having most of my chicks want the name Salsa, so I went looking for a mod for that. I found one, but it's very outdated. So I made one myself. This will give you a wider variety of preset names for Goats, Sheep, Chickens and coops, Cows and Llamas and sheds, Rabbits and stumps, Bird Trees, and Cowplants, including modded ones if they use the same tuning.

This is an override mod. You can only have one mod that overrides each of the files I changed. But I don't know of any mods that override the same files. My changes can be seen here.

Any of the names can appear randomly whenever you go to rename one of those things. Some are serious, some are funny, some are terrible puns.

I'm open to suggestions for more, but there's no guarantee that I'll take the suggestions. I'm unlikely to take suggestions for names based on people who are alive or who were alive within the last couple of decades, for food that the animals may get turned into (or restaurants), or for euphemisms (or not euphemisms) for NSFW things or poop (there are a lot of poop names for chickens). Terrible puns are welcome though. Most importantly, I have to like the names, since I made this for myself first and foremost.

Base game compatible, but if you don't have Horse Ranch or Cottage Living, all you'll get is names for Cowplants. It does NOT affect the names of cats, dogs, or horses.

I will not be separating it into different versions.

REQUIRES Lot 51's Core Library Version 1.30 or higher.

Updates:

April 13, 2025: Changed to an injection method, to make it more stable and more patch safe, and also more compatible with other mods. Now requires Lot 51's Core Library Version 1.30, which was updated today. It will not work with an older version (or no Core Library at all). A few more names were added too.

Download: https://www.patreon.com/posts/more-animal-125247835

[cappuccino-bear]

MD Sona

the lore is that they're an urban legend in Outpost 3, a drone who patches themselves up in various other parts of drones, whatever they can scrounge up, like a monstrous amalgamation.... scary campfire story type of deal. Patches is just their "cryptid name", they go by Gale.

they just got left for dead at some point and got creative with how to fix themselves, and then realized they can just attach anything whenever they feel like it. Does it have repercussions on their core? did they accidentally get infected with part of the Solver? Who the hell knows, not them, they just wanna sew more patches on their hoodies and plushies and draw their friends holding hands together.

they're naked here because last time I designed their outfit I hated it lmao I'll draw it later. eventually. it's 1.30 am I need to sleep.

[anatovrocktail]

Saw Myles Kennedy and Devin Townsend in London tonight. Fucking great gig but the whole thing was one error after the other.

1. I went with Kid's dad. He was meant to be going with his partner but they broke up and he offered me the ticket if I didn't mind driving and covering fuel.

2. My car broke. I said I'd still drive but it'd need to be his car.

3. He decides driving to/in London will be "an ADVENTURE"

4. He sits in the middle lane of the motorway, drifts between lanes, hits the rumble strip at least every 90 seconds.

5. I brain fart and direct us to the wrong venue. We park up and walk and he says "isn't that the Roundhouse" me "oh yeah, we're on the wrong side of the road" him "its at Kentish Town Forum"

6. Run back to the car, drive a mile, park up. Get chips in a tiny kebab shop that has laminated newspaper clippings about how they're Taylor Swift's favourite kebab shop.

7. Get into the venue as Devin Townsend takes the stage.

8. Enjoy the gig with a decent view which is a miracle as he's 5'5 and I'm three inches shorter.

9. Drive home. Miss various exits because he can't read signs and drive at the same time and my direction of "stay on the M3" means "do a detour to stonehenge"

10. Hit a patch of thick fog trying to get get back to the M3. Me "put your foglights on" him "I don't know how" *cue me trying to read the car manual by my phone while also keeping an eye out for road signs*

11. Get back to mine at 1.30 am to find our spawn is still awake.

But we did have a good chat about the kid's struggles with school and I got the gossip on his work christmas do which had me howling.

[diana-fortyseven]

HITMAN - THE SEASON OF UNDYING - PATCH NOTES

Patch notes are out!

The Undying release time: The Elusive Target, the Free Starter Pack, and the Undying Pack will all be available after the maintenance period, on the 22nd of March around 1.30 pm UTC. Additionally, we will be releasing a brand new DLC pack to all platforms, The Undying Pack which includes The Oroborous, a three-level Arcade contract featuring The Undying as well as cosmetic items, priced at $4.99/€4.99/£3.99. 

[cleansingreflections]

Version 1.29 "Cinder Burns"

I wanted to compile all info about this version in a post and i might do this with every version so i dont forget anything :3

New Floating Record Chapter: "Cinder Burns"

2. New uniframe "Noan: Arca": - 10% Physical + 90% Lightning - Weapon: Expulsion Blade - Signature: Prometheus

3. New weapon "Expulsion Blade": - 4* Hope of the village: DMG of Basic Attacks increase by 15%; - 5* High Frequency Particle Sword: Increases Signal Orb DMG by 20%; - 6* Prometheus: Increases ATK by 10%. Using Exceed Deduction and Sublimation Strike restores 10 Energy. Doubles Dodge Gauge recovery rate.

4. New coatings: - Dreamweaver: SFX coating for Pulao: Dragontoll, 168 RC; - Red Blossom: Weapon coating for Dragon Axe, 28 RC; - Homecoming: coating for Noan: Arca, 68 RC, 49 Blueprints after patch 1.30. - This version's battle pass weapon coating will be for Camu: Crocotta's Greatsword.

Returning coatings: - Street Rebellion: SFX coating for Luna: Laurel, 168 RC.

5. New memory set "Shelley": - 2-Piece Set: Increases Lightning DMG by 10%. - 4-Piece Set: Gain Super Armor during 3-pings and Exceed Deduction. When performing a 3-ping, DMG received during Exceed Deduction and Sublimation Strike is nullified and Dodge Gauge proportional to the amount of HP lost will be consumed instead. This effect will not occur if there is insufficient Dodge Gauge remaining. - 6-Piece Set: Doubles the base DMG multiplier for Exceed Deduction and Sublimation Strike.

6. Events: - Inner world - Operation uniframe - Immunopolis - Limit Break

7. Uniframe skills: - Qu: Pavo - Noan: Arca

8. Character leap: - Watanabe: Astral

9. Miscellaneous: - Simulated Siege: Added 2 categories of skills, Linked tactics and Solo tactics. After choosing a category, players will obtain one fixed skill and then get to choose 3 more between 6 skills related to the category they picked. Linked tactics favors character swapping, while Solo tactics favors QTEs; - Stronghold: chapters 16, 17 and 18 added; - The maximum amount of skill points that can be kept in inventory has been raised; - More enemies coming in Data simulation; - Voucher store will have a timer to show how much time is left before the next shop refresh; - The skill UI is modified for a better formatting, making it easier to read; - The Ascension tutorial can now be directly accessed from the Ascension interface; - A shortcut that allows you to quickly add artworks to the list of your custom loading screens has been added to the Codex.

[satoshi-mochida]

Master Detective Archives: RAIN CODE DLC schedule announced

Gematsu Source

Publisher Spike Chunsoft and developer Too Kyo Games have released the downloadable content schedule for lucid-noir detective adventure game Master Detective Archives: RAIN CODE, including details and a release date for the first substory, “Ch. Desuhiko: Charisma Killed the Cat.”

Each of the four upcoming downloadable contents with substories featuring Master Detectives will be available individually for $4.99, or as part of the Season Pass for $15.99. The Season Pass is also included as part of the $89.99 Digital Deluxe Edition.

Get the details below.

■ Downloadable Content #1: Ch. Desuhiko: Charisma Killed the Cat

Release Date: July 27, 2023

Price: $5.00

The first of four downloadable contents, “Ch. Desuhiko: Charisma Killed the Cat,” will be released on July 27, 2023. In this substory, players control protagonist Desuhiko Thunderbolt, a detective with the Forensic Forte of Disguise.

◆ Desuhiko Thunderbolt (voiced by Khoi Dao in English, KENN in Japanese)

A young man with a goofball nature who likes hitting on women under the guise of investigation. Desuhiko’s goal is to become famous as a mystery-solving superstar detective. He carries a huge backpack filled with tools necessary for his disguises.

Forensic Forte: Disguise

In addition to disguising his clothes and face, his voice, height, and weight can also be changed, allowing him to match the target of disguise visually and psychologically.

■ Downloadable Content Schedule

Downloadable Content #1: Ch. Desuhiko: Charisma Killed the Cat – July 27, 2023

Downloadable Content #2 – August 2023

Downloadable Content #3 – September 2023

Downloadable Content #4 – October 2023

■ Version 1.30 Update Patch Notes

There will be a Patch available at launch. The latest patch is 1.3.0. Please make sure you have this patch installed for the best experience.

Patch notes:

Minor text fixes

Adjusted voice and sound effects

Adjusted certain maps, characters, and graphics

Adjusted certain events and text overlaps

Various bug fixes

Launch to eShop functionality (note that this is required for downloadable content)

Master Detective Archives: RAIN CODE launched today for Switch worldwide.

Watch the launch trailer below.

Launch Trailer

English

Japanese

[updatecrazy]

A new Chivalry 2 update 1.39 (v2.11.1) is available to download on PS4, PS5(version 1.039.000), PC, and Xbox One. According to the official Chivalry 2 patch notes, the latest update Regicide at Trayan Citadel balance changes, bug fixes, and more. Apart from this, Chivalry 2 version 1.39 also includes general stability fixes. Chivalry 2 Update 1.39 Patch Notes - July 30, 2024 I. Balance Changes - Regicide at Trayan Citadel A. Fuse Stage Fuse Timer reduced from 30 to 25 seconds Reduced delay in Agathian spawn positioning change during second phase of placing powder kegs B. VIP vs VIP Stage Final timer increased by 3 minutes Fixed bug affecting Argon's health Agathian troops spawn delay reduced by 1 second C. Developer Notes Positive reception to Trayan Citadel Adjustments made to assist Argon and Agathian troops in later stages Assurance that defenders still have opportunities to protect Malric II. General Updates Server and Client backend updated Improvements to prevent "Party Creation failed" error Fixed XP display bug during boosted XP times Fixed party timeout bug when host switches matches quickly Fixed scoreboard platform icon bug Fixed client physics hitching issue Updated EOS protections Multiple crash fixes for Servers and Clients III. Combat Fixed spoon item stab attack bug on Trayan Citadel IV. Customization Fixed Rebel Voice bug playing Mason lines for Agathians Corrected name of "Templar Visorless Helmet" Fixed "Painted Maiden Helmet Featherless" purchase option bug V. Map Updates Fixed early access to enemy VIP spawn on Citadel Fixed rare VIP spawn bug on Citadel Fixed Duel Yard spike damage bug Fixed potential Duel Yard crash VI. Unofficial Servers Improved server command protections Fixed map transition kick bug Added visual ban list on Nitrado interface Fixed XP and gold award bug VII. Console/Gamepad Fixed ballista firing bug related to Arrow Cam use Previously, a major Chivalry 2 update 1.30 Reclamation update brings a significant expansion with new maps, modes, weapons, and a multitude of improvements and fixes to enhance gameplay experience across all platforms. Unfortunately, players are still experiencing several issues since the last major patch. Today's Chivalry 2 patch 1.39 will address a few of these errors. Download free Chivalry 2 update 1.39 for PlayStation 4 and Xbox One.

[extremeeastfgc]

🕹🎮🛡️ ⚔️🗡️ Granblue Fantasy Versus: Rising – Vane 『グランブルーファンタジーヴァーサス -ライジング』「ヴェイン 」

Patch notes for the Version 1.30 update have been posted to the official site! In addition to the DLC character, Vane, character balance and Grand Bruise! updates are on the way!

Version 1.30 Patch Notes: https://rising.granbluefantasy.jp/en/news/detail/?id=u0pszn-y2e

【公式サイト更新】 Ver 1.30アップデートに先駆けて、パッチノートを公開しました。 DLCキャラクター「ヴェイン」の追加及びキャラクター調整、「ぐらばとっ！」関連のアップデート等を実施予定です。

■Ver 1.30パッチノート(formerly Twitter) https://x.com/gbvs_official

#GranblueFantasyVersus #グランブルーファンタジーヴァーサス #GBVS #GBVSR #Cygames #ヴェイン #GranblueFantasyVersus #GBVS #GBVSR #Cygames #Vane #GRANBLUEFANTASYVersusRISING #グランブルーファンタジーヴァーサスライジング #fightinggame #FGC #fightinggames #fightinggamecommunity #格闘ゲーム #対戦型格闘ゲーム #格ゲーマー #戦型格闘ゲーム #格ゲー #jogosdeluta #エクストリームイーストエフジーシー #3D武器対戦格闘ゲーム #3D武器格闘アクション #3D格ゲー #eスポーツ #ESPORT #extremeeastfgc

[skyboxeye]

Capturing the ambience of Warcraft 3′s Maps

Warcraft III's deeply-realized fantasy universe offers players an endless variety of virtual lands to explore. Its ambient sound design would undergo a couple of revisions over the years, culminating in all-new tracks for the Reforged remaster. This guide will focus on capturing the final update to classic WC3, v1.26.

Understanding WC3's evolving ambiences

As mentioned, different versions and releases of WC3 implement ambient sounds differently. Early releases (1.26a and below) use MIDI sequences with a custom DLS soundfont to render their soundscapes. From 1.27 to 1.31, WC3 uses simple streams loosely based on the original MIDIs. And from 1.32 onward, these streams were recreated completely to fit Reforged.

From MIDI to streams

The transition from MIDI to stream wasn't smooth for Blizzard. From 1.27 to 1.30, ambience was disabled as the team migrated WC3's sound engine to FMOD (to quote the patch notes, "Disabled ambient sound while a MIDI issue is being resolved"). The MIDIs still exist in the game files of these versions but aren't played in-game.

By abandoning MIDI, the new development team was able to standardize on FMOD and better support Mac clients. It's a minor shame, as those earlier versions' support for MIDI lead to some fun modding possibilities.

The pre-baked WAVs of "modern" often sound qualitatively different than the "classic" MIDI. It's unclear if these differences are intended or simply the result of inaccurate MIDI rendering.

Across modern versions (1.30.4 to 1.36.0), I noticed that the audio team also shifted from the crossfading used by the "classic" MIDIs to simple loops.

From streams to Reforged

Users who purchase Reforged they will gain access to a remastered set of ambient streams which are again qualitatively different from anything that came before. You can still listen to these even if you don't own Reforged - just use CascView v2.4 to open the "HD" archives found starting in version 1.32.

Reforged curiosities

Reforged exclusively has ambient for a "dungeoncave" tileset. Its World Editor's sound editor window lists three LorderonSummerDay assets for some reason.

Rendering MIDI sequences

First, let's export the MIDI sequences and DLS sound fonts. We'll need an MPQ editor like Ladiks MPQ Editor v3.5, as World Editor's sound editor only handles WAV assets.

Best MIDI renderer: Miles Sound Tools

Miles Sound Tools includes an application which can play back a MIDI/DLS pair with seemingly perfect accuracy. This makes sense, as WC3 is built on Miles technology (according to the choices in the game's sound options menu).

However Miles Sound Player cannot direct the results to a WAV file, so we'll need to record its output in real-time. I found the results to be a little quiet, so you may want to boost your recordings.

Next-best renderer: FL Studio

FL Studio's Fruity LSD effect can render MIDI/DLS pairs to a WAV files. Open your MIDI file first, making sure to select MIDI Out with Fruity LSD. Most tracks can be rendered at 100% volume without any artifacts. For some reason, I sometimes found incorrect export results unless I played the MIDI in FL Studio at least once - so I recommend clicking play first.

However, Fruity LSD incorrectly renders situations where a note is repeated during the first note's decay. Rather than let the first note finish fading, it immediately stops it in favor of the second note's attack. This can be heard, for example, in the overlapping wind sounds late into Barrens Day. I tried disabling Cut itself and Cut playing notes for the relevant channels, but it didn't help. I also verified that Polyphony was set to unlimited inside misc channel settings and experimented with Mono and Slide settings.

Manually placing the overlapping notes on separate channels solved it. Create a new MIDI output channel, copy-paste from the channel with overlapping notes, manually copy the volume and panning settings for the channel, assign the correct melodic patch from the DLS, and edit the notes in Piano Roll.

Runner-up: Winamp

Winamp also offers paired MIDI/DLS playback, and can render results directly to WAV files though its Disk Writer output plugin. However, you'll need an older version of the program, as recent ones contain a bug that prevents specifying a DLS file.

Specify the DirectSound (with output) in the MIDI plugin settings in order to support rendering to WAV. Set the sample rate to 44.1kHz for good measure.

Finally, disable all options related to missing instruments. These are good defaults when playing back music, but in our case we strictly want to employ the samples in our DLS font. Otherwise, you'll get random snare drum hits during tracks e.g. Barrens night.

I noticed, however, that even with these settings I still heard random instruments in certain tracks, like Northrend night.

Other options: Foobar2000 and XMPlay

You can add MIDI support to each of these players via the plugins linked above. However, these only support SF2 fonts, so we'll need to convert our DLS using a tool like Awave, Viena, or Extreme Sample Converter. Both plugins expect your MIDI and SF2 files to share a name in order to pair them.

I tried a few combinations of these DLS -> SF2 tools and audio plugins, but I still ended up with errors such as imperfect sample looping in the more challenging sequences e.g. DalaranRuinsNight.

VLC also claims to support MIDI/DLS pairs, configured under FluidSynth in advanced settings. However this crashed when I tried to play WC3's assets.

Recording sound in-game

You can modify MIDISounds.slk (AmbienceSounds.slk controls doodad sounds) to adjust the volume of ambience playback. Just open the file in a text editor and change all volume values to at least K100.

I'm not sure whether there is a maximum value is, or what scale this setting uses (logarithmic?). WC3 seemingly has some built-in protection against clipping s.t. maxing out this value can result in some of the louder samples (e.g. Black Citadel) not being played.

I recommend modifying War3x.mpq's MIDISounds.slk in-place rather than adding an edited MIDISounds.slk to War3Patch.mpq.

WC3's MIDIs engine seems to apply a (low-pass?) filter that's apparently common among MIDI players. Miles has this filter as an option, while Foobar/XMPlay/Winamp seemingly apply it by default. To my ears, WC3 doesn't apply reverb or chorus to its MIDI renders.

Capturing footage

For footage, we can capture the game in an open World Editor window. This tool features correct FoV even in older versions - compared to the main game client which didn't implement widescreen FoVs until v1.28. Be sure to use World Editor v1.31 or below - otherwise your renders will include Reforged graphical changes.

Speaking of graphics, be sure to open WC3 and max out your settings before recording in WE. Toggle View Entire Map to get rid of the viewer's aggressive culling. You'll also want to hide Info display from View settings. If you like, you can lock time of day from scenario settings.

While in World Editor, press Ctrl + right-click and drag to tilt the camera. Right-click and drag to pan. Press shift + right-click and drag to finely adjust zoom, or scroll the mouse wheel to coarsely zoom. Be sure to resizes all editor windows to their minimal size - you should be able to get at least a 1600x900 crop out of a 1080p recording.

World Editor alternatives

HiveWE is a fan-made WC3 editor with a different HUD and feature set. However, unlike the stock World Editor its graphics don't match what players would see in-game: for example, unit animations don't run.

Perhaps we could capture full-screen renders using Warsmash. The creator has demonstrations of alternate HUD layouts on his YouTube channel. I trust this project's rendering solution to be very accurate as it is built atop the best-available community projects for terrain and unit rendering. However, I couldn't get Warsmash running for myself due to an error loading BLPs.

It may be possible to mod away the UI using the vanilla game engine and competent JASS scripting. I'm not sure whether the game world would be rendered underneath the UI areas however.

Managing multiple WC3 installs

WC3 isn't designed to handle multiple installations on the same machine. The different versions will all attempt to read/write to common Windows registry entries, resulting in conflicts. We can try fixing this incoherence by re-installing the game, or by simply deleting registry entries e.g. HKEY_CURRENT_USER\SOFTWARE\Blizzard Entertainment\WorldEdit.

[ets2-mods]

Bus Ikarus 250-59 1.30

Bus Ikarus 250-59 1.30

– Updated all 3D models and rewritten the animation. All the indicators on the dashboard work – Added a real Hungarian searchlight on the roof, a tripcomputer in the cabin and a working LCD TV Sony – Added new slots for accessories on the windshield – Added pneumatic sound signal Ikarus – Fixed Physics Credits: Tornado, Valera_t, knoxx_xss, Koral, Karen Chahelyan DOWNLOAD

[lgwifey]

COUNCIL ESTATE

bff!liam gallagher x fem!reader

90s!alex james x fem!reader

Summary : After getting adopted, y/n looses touch with her best friend but bumps into his years later at her boyfriend's award show. For both of them, everything's changed.

Warning : southerner bashing (?)

MASTERLIST

1987

Black adidas hit the floor of the science block in power filled strides. Ripped tights, a rolled up skirt, an untucked jumper and a blazer smothered in patches and badges of different bands and brands.

Y/n Y/l/n was the rebellion of Barlow Roman Catholic High School. In her cherry red blazer's inside pocket was a walkman, it's headphones infront of her messy bun and on her ears. The sound of I Wanna Be Sedated danced through her ears as she made her way to first period with a Greggs' sausage roll in hand and three more stashed in her messanger bag that swung against her hip.

Two sausage rolls for 50p was going to be the death of her.

Her science teacher, Mr Wright, didn't bother too much about his students excuse making ability and basically worked off students being in school late was better than them being absent, so she didn't have to frey detention.

"Hiya Sir."

Y/n's y/f/c nail polished hand pushed the light wood, possibly oak, door open to reveal the middle aged man trying to teach the room full of teenagers about, she looked to the chalkboard at the front of the class, plant and animal cells. She pulled off her headphones,resting them on her shoulders and pausing the tape. Her body skipped it's way to the back of the room where her friends where sat, originally bored out their brains and now holding their hands out to her for the food.

"Good for you to finally join us y/f/n. Your book's in the box at the back."

She gave a nod at the direction, face screwing up at the use of her christened name. Her bag was discarded on the varnished desk which for some reason was always sticky, ew, and she stretched to the box that sat around a meter away from her to get the yellow workbook.

When her book was opened and the date and title had been scribbled down at the top of the white page in a cheap black biro, the y/h/ced teen looked to her left to find her friend basically staring into her soul.

"What's your issue Liams ?"

"Food ? "

The realisation hit her and she mumbled an 'alreat' as she pulled the two hot sausage rolls and the bottle of coke out of her bag.  As she put the stock down on the table between their books and poundshop pens, Liam past her the £1.30 for the things he'd asked her to buy when she'd ran his house from a phone box and told him she'd missed the bus and was therefore going past the highstreet on her way to school.

She almost immediatly pulled out Anna's stuff and passed the sauage roll bag to the girl sat infront of them, who past three ten pences over in the other hand.

After sorting out everyone elses purchases, Y/n got out her bottle of y/f/d.

Finally she actually started paying attention to the lesson Mr Wright was already on the small halfway pop quiz he did at the begining of a subject.

"And y/f/n, "

He pointed the small sparkly red finger pointer stick, which he used for the quizes to try and make them more fun, at the back of the room. Said fourteen year old jumped up dramatically,

"And the powerhouse of the cell is called ?"

"Mitochondria !"

A running joke in the lesson after Liam had asked if that was a disease in the first sub-topic.

The next period of the day was undoubtable the worst.

Maths.

If the subject alone wasn't enough to make y/n want to claw her eyes out and produce them in a smoothie, the rotten Miss Alans was definatly the thing to top off her hatrid of it.

"She 'as it out f'me Liams, wear down."

"Aye. Well as much as I love yeh Birdy, Imma 'ave to leave yeh to it."

Liam had maths next door to y/n.

Mr Lowton.

He literally gave them sweets if they participated and got the answer wrong !

The younger girl gave a grumble as she entered the room and pulled her chair out to slouch down in. A plastic, uncomfortable seat square front-center of the class.

She was a 'trouble maker' according to the old witch.

Honestly, you miss one mass for a concert. Just one.

That was one of the downsides to going to a catholic school, they made sure you went to mass each weekend.

The class dragged on longer than normal, triganometry really could test time's ability to become a tortoise, and half an hour of 'Mary had a little lamb' could really test your sanity's ability to stay strong.

Mary had a little lamb, whose fur was white as snow.

And everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go.

At least that's what she had been singing in her head for the past twenty odd minutes, she wasn't certain the lyrics where spot on but who'd know ?

Y/n was smacked out of her thoughts by a wooden 30cm ruler striking her fingers.

Pain struck through her hand like lightening to a metal rod and she bit her lip furiously in attempt to muffle the screeched curses.

"Miss y/l/n, will you pay attention in my class !"

The strong southern accent shouted through the room, echoing off the walls.

That was another thing y/n couldn't stand about the victorian woman, bloody thatcherite. The greying fifty-eight year old carried on the lesson as if nothing had happened.

bla, bla, bla

sin, cos, tan

The next ten minutes where filled with y/n's mind picturing graphic ways of murdering, or at the very least seriously injuring, the woman pacing infront of the class of petrified teenagers.

A sharpened ruler to the neck; instant slicing, blood spurting out of little sticking out tubey things. It was her favourate image at the moment.

She occationally looked down to her hands, which hadn't moved since the ruler incident. A violet line had become more prominent through them by now and the pain had subsided a smidge.

Maths was the only lesson she'd ever received physical punishments in. Most would say the canes where hell, but those chalkboard dusters hurt like a bitch, especially when at a velosity from being lobbed at your shoulders with the power of one of those shotputs at the olympics.

By the time the lesson was over, y/n was more than ready to leave. She was the first out of the room, waiting infront of next-door's chipped green paint door for the mouthy arses that where Liam Gallagher and Anna Mallons.

Anna was out already and was munching happily on the now cold sausage roll. Liam however was busy chatting indoors so appeared when y/n did, too with a half-ate sausage roll.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe what Sammy told me."

Sammy was Anna's cousin. He was a year older than Anna and Liam, two years older than y/n seeing how she was the baby of the bunch, unfortunatly born at the end of August. He lived in Ireland still with Anna's aunty and gran.

She didn't leave anytime for either to answer with a question before dramatically whispering an answer, showing whatever was going on in Castledurg.

" Aye well, y'know how his school had a colaboration and now girls go there too ? Well there's this one girl and she's joined the,"

She serveyed the area to check for any eavesdroppers before whispering the final part of the sentence.

", the IRA."

The group two paused.

After a minute, probably only a few seconds, y/n grabbed the top of Anna's arm, the red v-neck jumper scrunching up slightly where she had a hold of.

"Anna, that's not'in to be joking about."

"I'm not jokin' y/n, honest to God."

The group remained silent for a moment before Liam abruptly started, basically shouting, about the newest Stone Roses song.

One way to kill the awkward.

The weekend came round slow as per usual.

Y/n was still hung up on the news that a girl in Tommy's class was apart of the IRA.

Sure, she knew that they recruited teenagers, but the knowledge of someone she was friends with knowing one of them was a slight culture shock. They where the kind of people that gave people like her a bad reputation. Poor little immigrant kids, the reputation of terrorists. One of the reasons she faced so much everyday.

She was slouched on her bed on Saturday. Layed in black joggers and a Man City top, one of the ones Liam had outgrew, whilst This Charming Man played on repeat on the record player in the corner. There was no way she could afford it by herself, it was Anna's old one that she gave her as a present when she got a new one. She was relaxed, reading the latest Girl Talk magazine on her bed without any worry other than being concerned about how dead her ends where. Unfortunatly that relaxation was abruptly destroyed by Sister Mackles opening the door.

Sister Mackles was one of the nicer nuns in the orphanage, well nice as long as you stayed on her good side and lucky for y/n she always managed to keep herself in the nun's good books.

"Morning sister."

"Y/f/n dear, quick there's a family here to see you."

Her rushed voice almost caused y/n's heart to stop.

Had she misheard her ?

She must have, the older kids nearly never got adopted.

You hit eight and all hopes where thrown out the window.

She just needed to check.

" 'm sorry sister, what d'ya just say ?"

"Honestly child, there's a family here to see you. "

The woman turned around from removing the record from the pin and threw a dress at the girl to change into.

"Be downstairs in five minutes, the staff dining room."

Y/n gave a nod as the nun closed the door behind her, quickly jumping up and closing her curtains.

She carefully pulled on a pair of sheer black tights and a bra seeing how she wasn't having to wear one before. The brown and dark turquoise dress that had a sort of peacock pattern on it was pulled over her head and down, it ended just as her thighs began. The collar was brown and so where the short sleeves whilst the main body of the clothing item was the kind of peacock pattern.

As she was about to leave the room, y/n realised she had a minute or two left and so fluffed up her hair, the bird's nest having had a cut the day prior and so rested in the most unnatural way possible.

She pulled it back with a big black headband, pulling a few strands to frame her face a bit before flicking on some mascara and lipgloss.

Before leaving the band merchandised room, she pulled on her pair of black adidas that she usually wore as school shoes.

A soft knock occured when her shaking fist made contact with the brown varnished door.

She cursed herself for giving such a bad first impression, an impression before the first impression.

The door was quickly opened by the head nun of the orphanage, the woman who ruined y/n's world every. single. day. Her face was that of one you always felt a need to punch. A grumpy old woman with the personality of a dead squirrel. Her top lip always drooped of the bottom one, her eyes always showed grey and dead emotion. She had whisps on her top lip and wrinkles on every possible area of her face.

Y/n hated her.

"Good for you to finally join us y/f/n."

cow.

The teenager restrainted herself from scowling at the corpse infront of her, the woman let her in and harshly closed the door behind.

A group of orphans had snuck into hiding spots to try and find out what all the fuss had been about that morning, mainly trying to figure out why y/n y/l/n was wearing an appropriate outfit.

No baggy trousers, no cut up and cropped t-shirts. No black eye makeup or safety pins in her clothes. No band logos or scuffed up boots. A dress without holes on or that didn't show of her body in a manner which they was taught was inappropriate.

A y/n y/l/n who had been de-y/n y/l/n-ed.

When she'd been sat down by Sister Mackles, y/n was able to see the people who had apparently been thinking of adopting her.

Getting this to stage in the adoption process meant that the couple infront of her hadn't been discouraged by her record; the record that showed how y/n was a social misfit and reject, the record that said "Y/f/n finds it difficult to maintain relationships", the quote "not suitable for (...)" used at least ten times amungst the 3 peices of A4.

The record that only showed her bad qualities.

Getting to this stage in the adoption process meant that she wasn't always seen as a negitive thing in life. Sure, they knew she wasn't good at maths already because her detention record was involved in the summary they'd already been shown but she could tell them all about how she could quote Shakespeare off by heart, and that Percy Byshee-Shelley was one of her favourate poets. They knew she failed every science test she was handed, but they didn't know she could correctly answer 89% of her sociology exam.

Getting to this stage in the adoption process meant that she could actually have a chance of getting out of this ditch.

"Hi, you must be y/f/n."

Okay what the actual-

Southeners.

"I'm Clara and this is my husband James."

"God Clars, stop being so formal you're gonna scare the kid off."

The man next to Clara, also a southener, laughted before speaking to the girl sat with an overly confused expression on her face.

"It's nice to finally meet you y/f/n we've been waiting ages to get to introduce ourselves to you."

"And we think you would really fit in with out family."

As Clara spoke again, her husband muttered something with a laugh. Something about being a tad bit too eager.

She looked down at their outfits, Anna always said you could tell near everything about a person by what they wore.

James was in a brown coilderoid suit whilst Clara was in a knee length blue marble skirt and a tucked in, but still baggy, Beatles top. It seamed that she had been wearing a leather jacket, one being over the back of her chair. Y/n had a similar one hung up in her wardrobe, only it had about a hundred studs in it and an accidentaly slightly ripped sleeve.

Okay, maybe they where half decent people.

There was a slightly awkward silence and small talk made but when the extra nuns had left the room to attent to dutys, Mackles being the only one in the room, y/n became more comfortable.

"Urm, so you like the Beatles ?"

She asked the question and nodded slightly to the hard days night top Clara was wearing.

The bleached blonde woman gave a laugh.

"How could I not, they're literally the best band to ever exist."

A small smile ran across y/n's glossed lips, which subquencly brought a smile onto Clara's.

"Me mate Liams would say the same. The guy literally worships John Lennon."

"Oh is he an orphan, we didn't see anyone called Liam on the list here ? If you're more comfortable with him we can always adopt-"

Clara began frantically speaking, worry lacing her facial features.

"Oh urm no, he's just a mate from school. Total nutter but a good heart like ."

At her words y/n had realised that they where planning on her moving down south with them.

She wouldn't be staying in Manchester's borough, nevermind Burnage.

In all honesty she didn't mind moving. Up here there was only Liam and Anna. Plus, bring adopted at 14 was a rare occurance and if she was being given the oppotunity she sure as hell wasn't letting it slip.

They would understand right ?

The chance to have a family, she couldn't leave that just because she'd have to move.

She could always visit, call, letters. It wasn't like she'd become totally alienated from them.

The only thing she wasn't too keen on down south was the southeners.

Growing up in North-West England as an Irish Catholic kid, you where taugh that they're worse than sin. Monsters who where out to reduce you to dust, but Clara and James didn't seem like that so maybe it'd be okay ?

After a few more minutes mindless conversation began, a finally relaxed atmosphere of untopiced talk and a small debate over whether the Cure or the Smiths where better.

"Oh we've actually brought our other two children with us, we just wanted to get to know you first before we bombarded you with Luka and Mauve."

"Alreat, it'd be nice to meet 'em."

Clara gave another beaming smile before leaving the room to get them.

She already knew a bit about the two children of James and Clara, they'd come up in conversation at the begining.

Luka was adopted as well. He was sixteen, two years older than her. He played the drums and was a punk, something that  y/n thought was one of the coolest things since the walkman. Mauve was originally their neice but her parents, James' brother and sister-in-law, had died in a plane crash when she was nine months meaning she'd been living with them for as long as she could remember. She was six and wanted to be an artist when she grew up.

As they waited for her to return with the others, James started the conversation on the Beatles back up.

"So, favourate Beatle ?"

"George Harrison."

"Really ?"

His face filled with surprise,

"Most would say McCatney or Lennon."

"Aye, but did Lennon and McCartney write Here Comes The Sun ?"

"That's your favourate song ?"

"No, but is a good tune like."

"Fair enough."

Before the short conversation carried on, the squeaky door opened to reveal a leather trousers and vest wearing spikey blonde haired teenager. He looked like a teenage version of Billy Idol. He wore an ACDC top with the leather outfit and had smudgy eyeliner on.

She felt so underdressed.

Holding his hand was a small girl with brown pigtails on either side of her head, a plain, pale pink top and high-waised blue jeans with red and pink flowers and a large purple butterfly embroided up the left leg. She had a denim jacket on with a few band pins on.

Okay even a six year old was better dressed than her.

This is depressing.

1996

Y/f/c fabric stroked against the red carpets of Earls Court as y/n made her way back over to Blur's table with a tray of drinks that she'd been asked to go and get for the boys by one of their management team that was attending the event. They where sat on the edge of their seats collecting the award for their third nomination of the night when she'd left. By the time she had made her way back to the seats, they where all sat down and eagerly waiting for their drinks to numb tge pain of yet again being beaten by their mancunian nemises'.

She gave a light tap on her boyfriend's shoulder to tell him not to flinch whilst she put the tray on the table, knowing soneone suddenly appearing from behind him would make him move. Once she had placed the slight dewy tray in the center of the table, she felt a pair of hands rest themselves on her waist and a gentle force pulling her down into the lap of none other than Mr Alex James.

His scent of cigarettes and colone took over her sences as he pulled her in for a short and rough kiss. After a moment, they where deattached by y/n needing her glass of champagne. She took a large sip before moving herself off of his lap and onto her own designated seat right next to him, not without a whine of complain from the brunette.

She gave a small laugh at his pouting face.

Whilst Chris Evans gave two awards for the solo artist catagories, Blur tuned out of the show. They didn't need to listen to them seeing how they weren't involved in them awards.

Graham had busied himself complaining to y/n about how unfair it was and how they where going to get killed by Food if Oasis beat them in the British group catagory, whichcwas next after the female solo artist award.

Alex shushed the pair as the radio host began to speek again, after Annie Lennox had left the stage with the award identical to the three Graham had just told y/n about..

"And the nominees for the British Group award are ; Blur, Lightning Seeds, Radiohead Oasis and Pulp."

Cheers echoed through everyone's hearing, the table growing silent in antisipation. They all knew that if Oasis beat them they'd never hear the end of it from the men's management.

Trying to ease the built up tension, y/n placed a hand on Alex's tensed one, the one which was starting to grip desperatly onto her waist as if not only would he loose the award but also her.

"I bagsy first shoutout when you win and have to do a speech ."

Alex gave her an unamused look, quickly been silenced by Evan's next word.

"Oasis !"

Y/n's mood dropped along with the rest of the table's, the rowdy lot she lratically grew up with swaggering their way to the microphone again.

The second flute of golden champagne was finished off as she slouched in her chair and tipped the glass up over her mouth and nose as the strong accent pounded through the speakers. All she could think of was how much he'd changed since she'd saw him last.

"His accent's so fake."

A mutter under her breath caused confusion amungst the band, she hadn't realised how loud she'd said the words, or that she'd said them outloud at all.

Her boyfriend turned to her, his arms dropping over the head of her chair and his attention being pulled away from the mockery on the stage. Alex gave her a bizzare look.

"How ?"

The girl froze like a deer in headlights for a second, eventually coming up with a believeable answer

"Well, you know. I'd lived in Manchester my whole life up till I was fourteen and i've never heard anyone's accent be that strong."

She shrugged off the question with a simple answer, turning back to the stage to watch the Gallagher brothers walking off, not without Liam catching her eyes and giving a look.

"I'm going to the loo."

She rushed pushing back of her chair back caused a sort of russle from the carpet to sound quietly. Almost robotically, she grabbing her clutch bag and walking off before anyone could say anything.

Y/n walked calmly out of the double doors that led to the fresh air circulated foyé, not going to the toilets but instead waiting for the appearance of the man that she knew would follow her.

A few seconds later, none other than Liam Gallagher strolled through the double doors that had been taunting y/n, acting like he owned the place.

"Well 'ello Birdy. Long time no see 'ey."

A smirk graced his features, she'd never wanted to punch someone in the face so much, not even that witch of a head-nun from the orphanage.

"What do you think you're playing at Liam."

Her hand rested on her hip as she spoke, she didn't need to worry about anyone overhearing the reunion conversation seeing how everyone was in the main hall, like she was suposed to be.

"Oh nothin'. Just wondered if that little boyfriend of yours knew who you really are. Y'know, I don't thing he be too happy if he knew you grew up with us and r'kid."

"Oh shut up."

She scoffed at his comment, anger appearing more distinctivly on her features.

"Nah like, all i'm saying is you use that posh accent like you're not just one of us."

She gave a further look of annoyance at his words.

"Look lad, just 'cause I have pronunciation-"

"You wearing Chanel ?"

At his rude interuption of her point-making, y/n scoffed. She looked down, becoming slightly silenced.

Okay so she was wearing Chanel. Her dress, diamond strapped heels, her crossbody bag, even her stud earings.

"Not that it matters, but yes I happen to be wearing Chanel."

Also, since when did Liam pick up the ability to desyther if a dress was Chanel !

An obnoixious laugh echoed through the empty room at her answer, he was somewhat annoyed with how she was acting while she was down right fuming at how he was behaving.

Y/n furrowed her eyebrows at him.

"What d'you think you're laughing at."

''Ah just, he doesn't know you at all 'ey"

"What are you going on about Liam ?!"

She ran the chipped y/f/c polished nails through her hair.

"Why are you being so bloody difficult right now."

Okay. So genuinly getting emotion right now.

Her old bestfriend, her only bestfriend ever, was shooting a million and a half questions at her but answering none of her's.

She wanted this interaction to be over.

She wanted Alex, but she was starting to crave for Liam's approval all over again, like she always had done as a kid.

She was so annoyed with herself.

"Y'know, you've changed Birdy. I don't know what story you fed them posh southern bastards about your upbringing which made them accept you, or whatever relationships you 'ave goin' on, but all the money in the world can't scrub off the smell of council estate."

With that, he walked off.

His words hurt her.

Liam Gallagher had been her rock growing up, the person who solved all her issues, the one who stopped all the pain and misery.

Someone made fun of her ? Liam stopped it.

She spent her last 30p trying to contact the grandparents she'd found the number of through sneaking through records ?

Liam was always there to tell her how they didn't deserve her.

When she got adopted and moved down south, she lost her bestfriends and her support.

She found a small amount of comfort in music still, a connection to Manchester through Revolver, eventually getting a job as a article writer for Food Records. That's also when she'd met Alex, working for Food at age eighteen.

He was touring, she was working.

Her mind ran back to Liam's stinging comment.

Sure she'd improved herself to be acknowledged in the patriarchle society she worked in, but she hadn't changed per say.

She talked more properly, but that was because people couldn't understand her northen accent.

She wore nicer clothes, more expensive brands. Still that was because she like nice things, not in a egotistical was, just she thought they looked pretty and she could afford them. That wasn't changing, she would've bought them if she lived in Manchester still and could afford them.

Sure Alex didn't know exactly that she'd grew up with the Gallagher brothers, but that just hadn't really popped up in conversation.

He knew she didn't grow up in the nicest of places, but he didn't care for her background's status like he did alot of the time with other people, he just cared about her.

To both y/n and Alex, she was just a normal twenty-three year old. She had a mum and dad and an older brother who was a big part of her life and a little sister who she adored more than everything under the sun. Over the time Clara and James had been her parents, they'd adopted three more children. Two more younger brothers, Finley and Logan, and another little sister, Zoe. She lived for them, even when Zoe threw up over her favourate jumper.

Pulling herself from her memories, y/n sprits some perfume on her wrist and rubbed in it as well as on her neck. She built up some confidence and made her way back to Blur's table.

When she had sat herself back in the comfortable, red cushioned chair, she found Alex looking at her in concern.

"You okay ? You look like you've just seen a ghost Darling."

"I'm fab, don't worry. Want another drink ?"

He gave a hum, handing her the empty glass as she stood up and asked the rest of the group if they wanted refills.

As she walked off something lingered in her mind, a pain stabing her joints.

The smell of council estate lingering around her.

[manty-monster]

buying pre-owned stuff from punks online is like

"this is from one show in 1998, this is the only patch left in existence, the rest were ritualistically burned, The Pope has messaged asking me to sell this patch, he's offering me no hell ever.

1.30 free shipping or DM me to get it free."

[pattie-remembers]

I know George was very "spiritual" and I'm assuming you are also...did you have any strange experiences in your lifetime or maybe things that can't be rationally explained?

Here is the best fanfiction of a very spiritual moment that could have happened between Pattie and George. It's really a wonderfully written piece. Thanks to @justgeorgeharrisonfic

[justgeorgeharrisonfic]

An Unexpected Conversation

The date was the 29th November 2002, and the time was 1.30 in the afternoon. It was hot. Pattie had retreated into a patch of shade and had drawn a scarf over her head and arms to protect her from the heat of the sun. She would not normally have elected to sit on a mountainside in Peru in their summer in the heat of the day, but she had no choice today. The Concert for George was starting right now, a few thousand miles and six hours away, and this was how she had chosen to honour him. Not to sit in the crowded Royal Albert Hall, enduring all the glances of recognition and curiosity from friends and strangers alike, and not to attempt dry-eyed stoicism as each song being played up on the stage ripped at her heart. Here she was alone, and her grief was hers alone.

A sharp breeze riffled the chiffon scarf around her head and she drew it closer as she gazed across the panoramic view which spread out below her feet. She knew she was safe here, she’d chosen her spot well, but nevertheless sat still and careful, her back pressed against the rock behind her; she had never been good with heights. She remembered how George had giggled at her when they first boarded their boat in Tahiti and she’d hung on grimly for fear of falling. She’d got used to it after a day, or maybe two days to be honest, and was soon clambering around the beams like a pro.

The memory brought the familiar sharp stinging to her eyes. The tears were nearly always just below the surface, they came so easily now. As the breeze stroked her cheeks the tears, allowed to fall freely here, now, dried around the creases to the side of her nose and mouth. She embraced the complete luxury of being able to weep with no-one around to try to console her and no-one for whom she had to be brave. Pattie sat on her mountainside and cried and cried for George. She listened to her own sobbing and she cried some more.

The pain seemed unendurable. A year was too long. She wanted him back on this world.

“I am.”

The voice was unmistakable. She’d heard it nearly every night in her dreams. Millions knew that voice as well as their own. Near the end it had lost its quality, its timbre, and the words had rasped through pain. But this…

Her head whipped to one side towards the direction of the voice, with the result that she turned right into the scarf and her face was completely covered. Through the folds of chiffon though she thought she could see something. But she certainly could hear something. It was laughing. It was George laughing. It was George laughing at her.

She thrust the scarf out of the way and blinked at what looked for all the world like George Harrison, sitting next to her. Checked shirt. Hair brushed back. Not her George then…

What on earth…?

“What…?” She could do nothing but gawp. The thing that looked like George grinned.

“What are you laughing at?” She heard herself snap. She was apparently cross at something that wasn’t there. What was happening?

“You. You’re all snotty with a scarf over your face.”

“I’m…” This thing that wasn’t real was now insulting her.

“But you’re still gorgeous.” At that, the… whatever it was…stopped grinning at her and instead looked out over the view, hands clasped and arms wrapped around his upturned knees.

Pattie could do nothing but stare at him. At… it? It couldn’t be real. It obviously wasn’t real. But… what was this sitting and talking to her and looking like George?

And shouldn’t she be terrified? It was some kind of… ghost… sitting in front of her and talking to her.

“Not really.” He turned back to look at her, and said, “I’m not a ghost. I’m not haunting you.” He grinned again. “I’ve just come to see you.”

You’ve…” What could she say? Does she have a normal conversation with this…?

“You might as well,” the ghost who said he wasn’t a ghost interrupted. “Since I’m here.”

Pattie buried her face in her hands and sat for a while, all rational thoughts suspended. All that was going through what was left of her mind was that he sounded just like George. George’s common sense. George’s laugh.

He was right. She might as well. But all she could then think to say was, “You should be in London! It’s your concert.”

At that he burst out laughing again, but then turned once more to face her. “I am,” he said. “I’m there too. I can be in two places at once, you know.”

“How?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. But I can.”

She looked at him, carefully. Fear, or the thought of fear, was gone. As he’d said, she might as well… “Are you alright? I mean…”

“I know what you mean.” The familiar dark eyes regarded her, the familiar piercing and penetrating gaze. The one that always used to make her feel as if he truly understood her. “And, yes. I am.” And he smiled again; she saw the dimple appear in his cheek, just like before.

There were so many questions she could, or should, ask someone who’d just turned up from beyond the grave after a year’s absence. Profound issues. The meaning of life. And death. So she thought, and pondered… and gave up. And simply asked instead, “Why did you come here? Just now? To me? “She searched his face, waited whilst he looked back at her.

“You needed me.”

“I’ve needed you before.”

“You mean since…?”

“Yes. Why here, and now?”

Again, he shrugged. “It seemed like the right thing to do. Here. And now. You were… upset.”

Then Pattie found her heart and her mind stabbed, pierced, by a thought which sounded in her head almost as a scream and the strength and pain of which made her gasp. She wrenched her gaze away from him and stared out at the stunning view which stretched out below her as she grappled with the emotional intensity. Yet, not surprisingly, as he seemed to have the ability to hear her thoughts as clearly as though she’d spoken them aloud, his voice, his dear familiar voice, brought her gaze back to meet his.

“Okay,” he said, his voice gentle. “Say it.” Then he waited.

It was a while before she could speak. All her instincts fought to prevent her from saying what she had thought, what she wanted to say. But that was stupid. She knew it was. Because, it seemed, he already knew it all. She blinked hard to fight back tears. She breathed deeply to give herself courage. He’d told her to say it. So, she said it.

“You didn’t care…” her voice wobbled, so she paused until she could steady it. “You didn’t care about me being upset when… you were alive.”

God, that sounded weird. When you were alive. This was crazy. What was she doing? What was happening? What…

“Go on.” The voice was still calm, still gentle. She looked up at him, something she had never never been able to do when having a harsh conversation before, but she did it and she continued because, unlike ever before, he was inviting her to do so.

“You didn’t care,” she kept her voice even and steady this time and was proud of herself. “You didn’t care when you brought her to the house. And kept her there. All those days.”

“Charlotte.”

“Yes!” And she lost the even and the steady, and heard her own voice shrill and snapping. “Have you any idea…?”

She couldn’t go on, but sat, exhausted now and limp and shaking. She’d never said this to him before.

Why had she never said this to him before?

“Why didn’t you?”

Tears filled her eyes and streamed down her cheeks, and she simply shook her head. But it seemed that he wasn’t going to let it go. Not this time.

“Pattie. Why didn’t you?”

She looked at him, vision blurred. She swallowed. Then said, “Did you come all the way back for me to be having a go at you?”

He smiled. “You’re changing the subject,” he said. “You often did that.”

She thought about that. “Yes. I suppose I did.” She thought some more. “You never picked me up on it. You never followed up.”

“I am now.”

“But…” And paused. He had asked her a question. A good question. Just difficult, as she’d never put the answer into words. Even though people had asked her. Jenny had asked her. Terry.

Eric.

“I was… scared. I didn’t know if I could face what would happen.” She thought a moment more. Waiting for memories of agony to clarify. “If… you’d chosen her. Or any of them. Or…” Now crowds of thoughts began to tumble into her brain and she worried they would overwhelm her, might…

“It’s fine.” The voice was just as gentle, just as reassuring. “Say it,” he said again.

“I didn’t know if I could face the answers.” She blurted it out, and then knew it to be true. She’d been afraid of pushing it, all of it, afraid, in case she’d lost. In case she hadn’t wanted to hear his answers. “I was just… fingers in my ears la la la, until it was all over and I was back with you again and you had your arms around…” And she couldn’t go on because the tears, the keening sobs, erupted with the force of Vesuvius and she could only put her head onto her upturned knees and cry and cry. The sobbing tore at her chest and her throat and her eyes and she wondered if she could bear it. “I loved you so much,” she tried to say but the words were as drowned as her eyes. Yet,

“I know.” He’d heard her. Astonishingly, because she wouldn’t have understood what she’d said, that’s for sure. They both waited for some calm. Eventually,

“Did you love me?”

“You know I did.”

She still couldn’t look up at him. “No I didn’t.”

“Pattie.” He paused, but still her face was buried in the folds of her skirt. “Please look at me.” She breathed deep, swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and fumbled in her bag for something resembling a tissue. Were there any leaves around…? “Look at me.”

She found that she could raise her head and turn towards him, though familiar fear clutched her heart.

“I should have let you know I loved you. I took you for granted. It wasn’t your fault.” He paused, waiting perhaps for her to reply but there were no words so he continued. “I was a shit.”

She, almost, smiled.” “You said that to me, then.”

“I’m saying it again now.”

“The cooking.”

If ghosts, or whatever he was, could look surprised, then he looked surprised. “Cooking??”

Pattie shifted her position so that she could face he more, be more emphatic. “I loved cooking for you. And, that was all you left me. You chanted all the time, you didn’t talk to me for days, but I could still give you food and that was important and then you got… him...that other man, to cook for you and there was nothing left for me to do and it was all gone…” Tears returned. Her head ached. Her eyes burned.

“Why didn’t you say?”

This time she was more ready with the answer; it was, after all, the same answer. “I didn’t want to start a row. I didn’t want to know what you’d say, you’d have said I was being silly, you’d have said I was making it all up, like with Krissie, and I wasn’t…” Now she was shouting.

He… it?...was quiet, still. It gave her time to calm a little and reflect. And a thought popped into her head so she voiced it; another novelty for her, a person whose custom had always been instead to crawl into her room and brood. “You were cross when you found me with Eric that night.”

He nodded.

“Why?”

“Why was I cross?”

“Yes.”

“My wife with another man? Who wouldn’t be?”

She turned to him, as far as she dared on what felt like her precarious ledge. “He was going on and on. And you never spoke to me. You never tried to make it better. It ended up that I couldn’t see any reason not to. You weren’t there, and he was.”

“I know.”

“George!” Even at the distance of a year and a death, she still found herself becoming exasperated and confused. “Why?? Why didn’t you try to get me back? You’ve just said you did love me. So why didn’t you try? Why??”

He looked out over the view again, before turning back towards her. “I was a mess,” he offered.

“Too much coke.”

“Too much everything.”

“But…”

“Pattie, I’m not defending myself here. I’m not here to defend myself.” He smiled, faintly. You remember that song? You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone?”

She nodded.

“That was me. I took you for granted, I was full of what I thought I was at that time - Krishna with all his women – I thought I could get away with anything. And then, you weren’t there. And then, I knew how much I’d loved you all the time.”

“So…” She paused to assemble her words. “What would you have said, what would you have done, if… if I had said it all? If I’d told you to get Charlotte out. What would you have done if I’d said, get her out?”

He smiled at her again, another small and gentle smile. “I don’t know,” he offered eventually. “It never happened, did it. I don’t know.” He paused again. “It would have been good, to find out. What I’d have done. I think…” Another pause, and then, “I think, I’d have got her out.”

Pattie stared at him. “So I should have tried.”

“That’s up to you.”

Pattie sat next to whatever that image of George was and allowed the words and thoughts to absorb into her. She wondered whether she felt better or worse, and decided that it would be a while before she could know that. Yet one thing she knew she needed to say, and she turned towards him again. “Thank you. For coming to talk to me.”

She basked yet again in the beloved George grin. “Pattie, I’m always here.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

“What, on this mountain?”

A peal of laughter. “No, silly! Wherever you are.”

Tears pricked at the back of her eyes again, and she blinked back at him. She nodded. “That’s good. Good to know.”

Her gaze swept across the spectacular view once more, but then another question darted into her mind and she turned back to him. “But…”

She was alone on the mountainside. He’d gone, to wherever he’d come from. The Royal Albert Hall? She smiled to herself amidst the new tears. She wrapped herself more tightly in the folds of her scarf and leaned back against the rock and let her heart go out to him, wherever he was.

“Thanks, George,” she said aloud. And then waited until she felt ready to clamber to her feet and make her way down towards real people, and real life and, at last, some real peace of mind.

[underatedwords]

notes from fp2:

much more representative session as the track had dropped 10°C from fp1 and continued to fall throughout the session

daniel has issues from the get go, having to pit before completing a timed lap to change the rear suspension set up

he then had more issues w the car smoking with mclaren saying everything is fine but he didn't return to the track

mclaren seem to have a slippery patch in their pit box due to some new concrete and are asking the fia if they can have permission to scuff it up

verstappen reporting issues w his brake pedal, perhaps too stiff

mick on the radio recommending they check the floor indicating his ride height was too low

qualy pace as expected, with a 2s spread across the grid

lewis and kevin had a close call, as lewis had drs behind and kevin was going slowly in the racing line

expecting traffic to be an issue in qualy esp as the first flyer seems to be crucial - too much deg by Sector 3 on the second

race pace is between low 1.30s for the rbr and mercedes and down to 1.32s for the haas and williams

most laps - carlos w 31

least laps - daniel w 14, lewis w 22

highest speed - lewis at 224kph

lowest (high) speed - mick at 216kph

here is a post w gaps between teammates