#pens lb

[psyduc]

pasta a la erik karlsson

THE INGREDIENTS: pasta. alfredo. meat sauce. raw (red) onion. hot sauce (cholula, judging by the video). ketchup (heinz, i think?). a little salt and pepper.

THE RECIPE: boil pasta, chop the onion, serve with all sauces. eat and not die.

hi my name is emily and welcome to jackass

instead of liveblogging this process, i'm just going to add my thoughts to one big post to make it cleaner <3

6:48 pm: the pasta is boiling. i keep looking over at the Pile of Sauces and giggling. i have whispered "what the fuck" to myself a few times now. i'm cooking the whole box, because we're all having spaghetti tonight, but i'm the only one brave enough to try... This

6:54 pm: erik did not mention this as part of the meal but i poured myself a glass of rose. the onion has been chopped. i tried to get them chunky to match the video but that's like too much man, at least have your onions DICED why are they in CHUNKS ERIK

7:05 pm: writing these time stamps i'm realizing i'm a slow cooker because i keep getting distracted by my playlist (rn it's rebel rebel by david bowie). i am starting the alfredo sauce and it's sinking in that i'm about to actually. eat this. like a few bites, there's no way i'm eating this whole plate (this is NOT foreshadowing)

7:07 pm: i almost panicked because i didn't think i had enough milk for the alfredo but surprise, i had EXACTLY enough. this is a good omen.

7:15 pm: everything is done, i am just waiting for the meat sauce to warm up. i'm still whispering "what the fuck to myself".

7:21 pm: it's time. to assemble.

i grabbed a small plate, but i'm realizing. maybe i should have grabbed less. this is revolting. and i'm not even done adding things

added and mixed. i'm laughing. erik eats this. before every game? it overwhelmingly smells like cholula which is fine but oh my god. oh my god? no. no. this poor man's stomach. oh my god

7:30 pm: i've put it off. it's time to take a bite

IT'S JUST. IT'S JUST A LOT OKAY. THIS IS A LOT OF FLAVOR AND NONE OF IT REALLY GOES TOGETHER? it's like way too acidic. biting into a red onion is a terrible surprise. it's too saucy and it doesn't feel Good in my stomach, like i have taken two bites and it's settled so heavily already. okay no three bites. it's... it's just upsetting. this is an upsetting experience. what the fuck is wrong with you erik karlsson. you eat this and then you go and play professional hockey?

FOUR BITES IN AND IT DOES NOT GET BETTER. why does he do this to himself like can we send someone to check on him fr i am genuinely concerned about this man like i made this meal for the bit but he willingly does this to himself?????? 82 games a season???????

IN CONCLUSION: i managed five (5) bites. they were all bad. don't make this. someone arrest erik karlsson immediately i am so serious.

[nedeljkovicsaysno]

I’m gonna need 5-7 business days to process this video

[idontlikeem]

Ok so in the comments of this post someone said Geno didn’t look happy about his custom skates (which are sick and I wonder who else on the team is gonna get customs), and the company replies that he was “injured and in a lot of pain”. I had twigged him for hurt in the middle of the season because of how poorly he was doing and the fact that he was skipping optional gameday skates more often than not (he always goes), but then he picked up his play and started showing up to skate again so I thought maybe he’d healed? But good lord was this yet again an example of him elevating his play to superhuman levels despite being badly injured, he did this in 2021 during the islanders series too, watching him you wouldn’t have been able to tell he was about to get major knee surgery.

Him and Sid have this rare ability to elevate their games to extremes when they need to. I’m never going to condone playing through injury, I think it’s stupid and reckless and hurts more long-term, but there’s a mentality that they have (Draisaitl and McDavid and MacKinnon have it too) that pushes them beyond already exemplary performance to new heights when the team needs them to be clutch, and we’ve seen them do it again and again, year in and year out, and I think as a fandom it would be good for us to take a beat to appreciate that and notice it when it happens, because not all teams have stars capable of it, and sometimes that killer mentality is what a series win hinges on in the postseason.

They really are special. We’ve been so lucky to have them as co-captains for so long.

[nowitsturbo]

i watched this in slow motion ten times

[badangle]

the h in nhl stands for hole

[hunterrrs]

“i want to say thank you to my girlfriend. she’s too young to remember when i played in pittsburgh”… at least we have this. the boys giggling on the bench at jagr’s joke about his 22-years-younger girlfriend

[tysonhos]

mama and papa malkin in tears after his second goal

[goatisbetheres]

he said LOVE WINS

[v4d4v4d4]

so no one is gonna say anything about that trumpet huh

[sidsthekid]

since when is it a crime to be pretty?

[cornerihaunt]

no literally 💀💀💀💀💀

[nedeljkovicsaysno]

tortilla in the face with PO and OC

[jeanomalkin]

the loyalty and devotion… the king and lionheart of it all. they’re both going to go down with this sinking ship 😔

[nowitsturbo]

real life penguin struggles: getting dressed

[badangle]

three unhinged old men who are LOSING IT

[hunterrrs]

HE IS HIM