#percy vax my guys i totally understand you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mollymauk-teafleak · 5 years

Text

Decaf Coffee

Something very self indulgent I wrote basically for myself and @spiky-lesbian

Part of my modern AU Percildan series, Black Coffee

Warning: discussions of trans male pregnancy

-----------

It started as a series of small realisations. Alone, they were just moments passing by, it was only when Vax thought about them all at once that things made sense.

It was the way Percy would only cry over a film if it included a family, particularly if there was an emotional reunion at the end. It was how he’d linger in the clothes sections of stores, finding an excuse to hang back amongst the children’s clothes, smiling at racks of mini dungarees and shoes that looked impossibly tiny for any feet. It was how he’d eagerly make plans with Molly and Caleb, only to spend the whole time hunkered down on the floor with their son and daughter, happily playing any role they gave him in their imaginary games.

And it dawned on Vax at the most random time, when he was stood in the doorway that lead to the en suite, watching as Percy stretched out across the bed. He just looked so peaceful in that moment, lying on his stomach, hair sticking up from the shower.

Vax just stood there and let it sink in that he had his whole life ahead of him with this man. He’d signed for him and everything; he had the ring to prove it.

And maybe it was that thought, that idea of the future they had together, that knitted those dispirate moments together in a way that made sense.

Still tasting peppermint toothpaste on his tongue, Vax padded over and curled up next to Percy, wrapping his arms around him.

Percy laughed softly as he turned to embrace him, hand slipping down and resting lightly where his oversize college rugby jersey ended and Vax’s thigh began, “Finally come to join me, darling?”

Vax nodded, “I was just thinking.”

“Oh?” Percy’s lips softly met the crown of his head. Vax was notoriously clingy, the way he immediately anchored onto him like a drowning swimmer to a life preserver wasn’t worrying but there was something in his voice, “Would you like to share what you were thinking about?”

His husband seemed to pause, exhaling softly before he murmured, “You want a kid, don’t you, Freddy?”

Percy stopped, his mind running through the long list of things he’d been expecting before that question. And it wasn’t even a question really, it was a statement, a question mark only put at the end for grammatical correctness.

He opened his mouth to say that he’d never thought about having children before, that it wasn’t something that had entered his mind. An oversight, maybe, given that they were approaching their first anniversary but not something that he’d considered.

But the words wouldn’t come. Because it was in that moment that he realised they weren’t true.

“I...I suppose I do,” Percy murmured, after he realised he hadn’t said anything for a very long time, “Though I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Does it... bother you? You seem bothered?”

“I’m not bothered,” Vax didn’t pull away from him, staying tucked up against him like he was a little embarrassed, “I mean, I’m confused. But more about how I feel about it, not about you wanting it.”

Percy’s fingers worked through his hair, enjoying its smoothness after just being brushed, “It’s okay to feel confused. I mean, I didn’t even know I wanted to be a father until now.”

“Really?” Vax looked up then, eyes wide and dark like some nocturnal animal, “I realised before you did?”

“Have you tried to be in my mind, Vax? It’s all blueprints and circuit diagrams up here, I don’t understand emotions,” he rather hoped the joke would undercut the realisation that they were talking about quite serious adult stuff now.

Vax did manage a smile and kissed Percy’s bare shoulder, “I just...I know you and me had shaky relationships with the whole idea of family…”

“Something of an understatement,” Percy said quietly, feeling a very familiar unpleasantness open up in his stomach, the one that followed having emotionally distant parents and difficult siblings for the biggest part of your childhood, only to have them violently ripped away from you and having preserving their legacy be the only thing able to keep you going through your grief. And once that was done, being unsure why you even did it.

Vax had his own trauma. He’d talked about it in the same fits and starts, punctuated by nightmares and sobbing fits, that Percy used talked about his own. Their common language.

He knew he and his twin sister had been taken away from their mother to live with their emotionally abusive father, only to then lose their only source of parental love when their mother passed away. Such a simple way to talk about an event that had shaken Vax so totally, left him unsure of himself, terrified to love anyone for fear they’d be taken away.

Of course the idea of being a father would terrify Vax. As it should terrify Percy.

But it didn’t.

Percy stroked his hand down Vax’s nack, fingers making soothing circles in the tighter curls there, “I know we’ve had some… less than ideal role models. But I think that just makes me want to do it more? I think I want the chance to make some things right. Like it might be a way to heal.”

Vax was quiet for a moment, absorbing that, before he murmured, “I think I want that. Or I want to want that. But I don’t know how to be that brave, I mean I have no idea how to even be a good dad. All I know is… mine. And I couldn’t bear to make someone else go through that?”

Percy shifted down so he and Vax were eye to eye. So close that Vax could see the little indents on his nose where his glasses sat.

“Vax’ildan,” he murmured softly, “You are not your father. You’d never act the way he did because you’re a genuinely good person and you’re kind and brave and brilliant. You’re so good to those around you and you’ve already proven that the things he did haven’t got to you. Part of the reason I’m so sure I want to have a family with you is because I know they’d be getting you for a parent.”

“Oh,” Vax seemed unable to say anything else, doing what he always did when he was confronted with emotions, particularly positive ones about himself, and hiding against Percy.

Percy had to giggle fondly, his own throat a little thick. He rocked his husband gently, waiting until he was ready to unfurl himself and keep talking. Getting through to him when he was curled up so tight like a woodlouse would be impossible.

Eventually he felt him relax a little and Percy immediately took the opportunity to kiss both his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids as delicate as a feather. Soon Vax was grinning in spite of the large red spots of blush on his cheeks.

“Now,” Percy rested his forehead against his husband’s, “I know my words won’t fix everything. And, I do mean this honestly, we absolutely do not have to have a family if you aren’t ready for it. I love what we have right now and if this is what the rest of my life looks like, I’m already the luckiest guy in the world.”

Vax looked tempted to dive again but he managed to just smile thinly and stroke his hand up under Percy’s pyjama shirt, “I… I kind of guess it’s been in the back of my mind when I’ve been watching you brood so much you can see it from space-”

“Kind of an exaggeration…”

“And I guess it’s been...um...what’s that word for the thing coffee does when you leave it a long time?”

“Percolating?”

“Yeah, that’s it. It’s been doing that. And I think I’ve realised I would like to have a kid, even if I’m kind of terrified of the idea. Does that make sense?” he looked at Percy nervously, like he’d just confessed to something horrible.

Percy smiled tenderly, feeling like he really was going to cry before they reached the end of this conversation, “I think that’s exactly how parenthood is supposed to go, actually.”

That seemed to cheer Vax up, he leaned in and kissed Percy happily, a kiss that had a promise held within it.

“And I mean,” Percy hummed, holding Vax close, unwilling to have those lips too far away from his own, “The adoption process can take a really long time. Plenty of time to feel more comfortable with it.”

Vax blinked, “I mean, yeah, that would be nice, I like the idea of giving a kid a home. But… I have all the kit inside me right? I assumed when you were thinking about it you meant… you know, home grown?”

Percy’s eyebrows shot up, “Oh, really? I didn’t know if that was an avenue you’d want to go down?”

Vax shifted, biting his lip, “I don’t know, it’s just… it’s the first thing I pictured? It would be a pretty big change though…”

Percy nodded slowly, getting the sense that this was a time to stay quiet and listen. He was getting better at spotting those rather than jumping in with a million solutions, desperate to help rather than just sharing the weight of problems. Kiki had pointed that out to him.

“I… I want to think I can do it,” Vax’s fingers traced anxious patterns up and down his husband’s spine, “But there’s so many voices in my head saying different things about it and I don’t know how to sort them out.”

“Well…” Percy brightened, realising he could say something useful now, “We could make a list?”

Vax looked at him steadily for a moment before bursting into helpless laughter, “Of course. Of course that’s your answer…”

“Hey!” Percy grinned, cheeks darkening a little but delighted to see his husband laughing, “Don’t knock it until we’ve tried it!”

“Fine, you adorable nerd…”

Five minutes later and Vax was curled up in his duvet on the overstuffed, cracked leather sofa Percy kept in his workshop for those nights before he met Vax when he’d just give into exhaustion and collapse there, ready to rise like a zombie and keep working the next day.

Percy brought his chair over, glasses perched at the end of his prominent nose. He put his legs up beside Vax, resting a pad of paper on his knees. It was meant for sketching design ideas but it would do.

“Okay, so we’ll start with the cons,” Percy drew a line down the middle of the page, “What would be bad about carrying this baby? No wrong answers, just say what’s on your mind.”

Vax sighed and pulled a face, “The dysphoria is the main thing. I’d pretty much be at the mercy of it for nine whole months.”

Percy nodded, adding it to the list.

Once he’d gotten the first one out and realised the sky hadn’t fallen in on him, Vax picked up speed, “I’d be passing on my dad’s genes which is just ugh…childbirth doesn’t look like a whole lot of fun… it would affect my career, I wouldn’t be able to dance for a while and then I’d have to work really hard to get my fitness levels back up… I’d have to come off T for a while, right?”

Percy nodded, tongue poking out a little as he concentrated, pencil flying across the paper, “Anything else?”

Vax looked like he was trying to get more words out but they were fighting him, “I mean...would it, um...gods, this sounds stupid but would it affect how attractive you found me?”

“Oh Vax…” Percy’s eyes softened.

“I know, I know,” the half elf hunched further into his mass of blanket, “I just need to hear it?”

Percy nudged Vax gently with one foot, “Vax’ildan, you are the most gorgeous person I know, you’re beautiful inside and out. Nothing will ever change that.”

The tips of those slightly curved ears went cherry red, “Thanks, babe.”

“Is that all of the cons?” Percy smiles, thinking how badly he wanted to kiss those ears and see if they were as hot to the touch as they looked.

“Yeah,” Vax nodded, “That’s all the ones I could think of.”

“Righty ho,” Percy turned back to the paper, getting very into this now, “Pros. What would be good?”

Vax seemed to relax, eyes drifting far away, “It would be faster than adopting...and adopting would still be a good option in the future. I haven’t had a real bad period of dysphoria in ages and… well, even if I did, you’d be there to help, right?”

Percy smiled gently, “Every step of the way.”

“And that’s another thing, I really like the idea of doing this with you, making a baby with you...oh, the sex! We’d be obligated to have sex every day, that would be cool.”

“We have sex pretty much every day anyway,” Percy grins but he didn’t disagree.

Vax softened, “I’d be holding onto a piece of my mama. That would be special. And…the amount she loved me and Vex’ahlia, feeling a love like that would be incredible...and Vex, of course, she’d love to be an auntie and she’d be an amazing one.”

Percy nodded slowly, thinking the same of Keyleth, who was his sister in all but blood, and Cassandra, how this would bring some light into her life and maybe make the city their family died in less of a nightmare for her.

“And...well…” Vax bit his lip, looking suddenly uncomfortable, “I’m...I’m going to live a lot longer than you, Freddy. If I had a child, they’d...they’d still be with me even after…”

The pencil suddenly slipped on the paper, leaving a streak of grey across the divide between their columns. Percy felt a hollow open up inside him. It was true, as a half elf, Vax’s lifespan far outstripped his but they both hated being reminded of that. It was a darkness that lurked in the back of their minds, able to be beaten back on a daily basis, but every so often it would lurch to the forefront just to remind them it was, and always would be there.

He managed a brave smile, looking up at Vax, “That’s a really good point, darling.”

Vax nodded, sighing softly, “And I mean...we’d have a baby. A beautiful little baby who looked a little like me and a little like you and entirely themselves. And every time I looked at them, I’d know… I’d know I could do anything. I could make something as amazing as that.”

The tears were falling down his face before Percy really realised it, landing on the page and blurring the words a little.

“Don’t cry on our list,” Vax laughed, teary eyed himself, “We worked hard on that!”

Percy gave a damp laugh, wiping under his glasses, “Sorry...is that everything you want to put on the list?”

Vax thought, fingers twisting gently in his hair, “Well...Caduceus makes a really nice decaf coffee.”

Percy’s face split into a wide smile, “That he does.” On the list it went.

“So…” Vax smiled shyly, “I think that means we’re doing this? We’re going to have a baby?”

“Looks that way,” Percy murmured, emotion welling up in his chest. He had the sense that it was going to be a teary year ahead of them.

The list was left on the floor as Vax opened his arms for Percy to move into, crashing together into tear-stained kisses. But it would be picked up later, carefully folded and kept in the drawer by their bed. It would be taken out and reread many times over the next year, mostly the pros column, even added to a few times until it far outweighed the cons. It was badly needed a few times, a lifeline when Vax stopped his hormones, when they struggled to conceive for the first few months, the hectic day when they went to the first scan and realised it was twins, the two of them having forgotten somewhere along the way that this particular genetic quirk ran in both of their families.

And the day Elaina and Johanna de Rolo finally entered their lives.

#black coffee #percildan #Percy de rolo #vax'ildan #percy/vax #please reblog if you like it

30 notes · View notes

vethyourhalflingmother · 5 years

Note

tary & keeping in touch maybe?

Little Elf Girl,

How are you? How are the children? How’s Percival— still handsome and suave as ever, I hope.

I just received your last letter, even though it was dated three months ago. I swear, the postal service gets worse every year. The state of the government is getting shakier and shakier, if you want my honest opinion. Of course, I’m not saying anything treasonous, you know I would never— I quite like the Empire, for the most part, though they could do to focus more on mail and less on pissing off the Xhorhasians.

Enough of that dower talk, though. The hostel is doing well, and Maryanne’s finally starting to enjoy the work. Only took her a decade. The funny thing, Vex’ahlia, is that it seems like my sister’s as queer as I am. She’s taken a hell of a shine to one of the ladies who volunteers to teach the children that pass through. I asked her once, during an argument, if she would like it if I told her she had to marry a man, and she hit me over the head with a dishrag— rightfully so, I’m pretty sure I crossed a line. Even though she tried to get me to marry a woman once.

But, our squabbling aside, I wonder if that’s common for siblings? You’re bisexual, right? And Vax was, too? Your little sister’s seventeen or eighteen now, isn’t she? Ask her what she thinks of women. It’s for science. Ask Percival about his family, too, he never writes me back as quickly as you do. (It’d take me a year to get his answer at the postal service’s speed! But I’m not complaining anymore, I promise!)

Speaking of people’s romantic inclinations, I’m happy to report that it didn’t work out with that guy I was telling you about in my last letter. Why am I happy to report that? He was an absolute tool! Sure, he had a pretty face… a winning smile… great hair… abs I could’ve cut myself on… but his personality? Terrible. Absolutely abhorrent. I tried being shallow, I really did, but it was too much for me, if you can believe it. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again: you’re lucky to have Percy. Obviously, he’s even luckier to have you, but as far as men go, he sets the bar high.

Oh, shit— I hate to cut this letter short, Vex, but I want to get it mailed out quickly so that it gets to you before Winter’s Crest, and my mother needs my help in the kitchen right now, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to want for my usual pages and pages of updates. I don’t know how you’ll ever survive, but you’re the strongest woman I know, so I have faith you’ll manage somehow.

Love you lots,

Taryon Darrington

Tary,

My husband’s as fine as ever, don’t you worry! My children and I are also quite well— it was kind of you to remember to include us in your pleasantries this time!

I’m sorry the postal service is so slow, darling. Percy and Keyleth are combining their expertise to create a quicker messaging system for those of us who are not as gifted in the arcane or the divine arts— and don’t you dare mention Pelor, Taryon, you know my blessing doesn’t include Sending. Anyway, they’re working on something, but with Keyleth leading her people and Percy raising five children? It’s going to take them a few years to finish, I’m afraid. Until then, we’re just going to have to settle with snail mail. We may get a good five, six letters sent between us before they’re done.

I’m glad to hear the path you’ve set for you family is doing well. I remember Maryanne’s protests. But she’s fallen for a teacher, eh? Just like her older brother? Maybe there is something running in the family there.

You remember Vax and I correctly, we both go rogue and ranger, as Scanlan would say. I once joked with Scanlan, I told him that’s why I’d started adding my brother’s rogue skills to my repertoire, and his dirty little eyes almost popped out of his head. Not the best joke I‘ve ever made, retrospectively. Poor phrasing. But it sure made him excited.

Interestingly enough, I’m almost certain that Velora is inclined toward women. When I’ve tried to discuss such matters with her, she’s been vague and cagey… but the way she looks at Cassandra, I think she may have a crush. It’s odd that she won’t talk to me about it, given that I can totally relate to swooning over a de Rolo (it’s a common phenomenon, is it not, Tary? perhaps you should come over and try to relate to her, hmm?), but I’m not about to force the point.

Percy says that all of his siblings were quote “flaming.” He didn’t elaborate much, but he did mention that his older brother used to get in trouble for sleeping around with the stable boys under their parents’ employ. Where have I heard a story like that before?

He also says to tell you that he and his two younger brothers are right-handed. I’m not sure what that means, and I’m not sure I want to, but he said you would understand it.

I’m sorry your date didn’t work out, but it’s good of you to look past all those positively tempting feature and tell yourself that you deserve better. Because you do deserve the absolute best, Taryon. (Also, you can do better than my husband— don’t tell him I said that, you’re right about us being lucky in love and all— but seriously, find a man that doesn’t deal with smoke demons— yes, this is me complaining about how smoke still rises off him when he gets too excited— it’s been fifteen fucking years, Tary, I swear to Pelor—)

I have to go parent now, I’m afraid, but I’ve attached a story that my oldest wrote for you. He’s becoming quite the little musician and storyteller, you’ll have to come over and see him at work sometime. Remember our door’s always open if you get an opportunity to travel across the pond! Please send more letters as soon as you can, I’d like to know how Doty and the Darrington Brigade are, and you know I always want to hear about you.

Love you lots,

Little Elf Girl, Vex’ahlia de Rolo

#i wrote this ages ago and never posted it #it's very weird for me i don't usually write in first person #but here's a small snippet of vex & tary keeping in touch #everyone is queer you can't change my mind #vex #vex'ahlia #taryon darrington #percy de rolo #percival frederickstein von musel klossowski de rolo iii #critical role #cr1 #fanfic #my fanfic #post-campaign #maryanne darrington #the de rolo quarter elves

156 notes · View notes

silver-lily-louise · 5 years

Text

So I’m currently watching Episode 85, ‘A Bard’s Lament’

and HOO BOY. I have a LOT to say about that whole mega-scene with Scanlan waking up and his departure, and this is far too long for a YouTube comment, so here we go. Okay, Part One: Scanlan’s arguments, and how most of them don’t make sense, but I understand entirely where he’s coming from.

Firstly: he’s angry that Kaylie was there. Sure, it makes sense that he didn’t want to upset her, or (more honestly) show himself as weak – but VM weren’t to know he didn’t want her there, and it’s generally the best idea to inform people of that shit ASAP, because finding out later is the WORST. Also, they thought she’d play an important part in the ritual - WHICH SHE DID. Plus, ‘I’d rather she never know’? That’s rarely a good idea, which is why it’s the source of god knows how much TV drama. The other person always, ALWAYS finds out. Surely a deception like that would breed even further mistrust between Scanlan and Kaylie down the line? Also, Percy is kind of a dick when making his argument and I’ll get to that, but he is also kind of right – Scanlan does idealise ‘what could be’ when it comes to his daughter, alternately jumping too far ahead and not doing enough, rather than working on what IS. Fair enough, he’s new at this, but that doesn’t mean he’s right.

Scanlan then goes on a ‘You don’t care about me’ trip – which is a classic, classic sign of someone going through a very bad time. ‘You only like me for the jokes and the mansion etc.’? That’s like saying they only like Keyleth for the transport, or Pike for the resurrections, or Vax for his sneakiness. People valuing your niche, your talents, doesn’t mean they don’t also care about you.

Next, there’s his anger at everyone else having a ‘personal quest’, and his misrepresentation of it being because they care about each other more than him. But if we examine those quests, a very different story appears. 1) Going to get Pike’s armour? Yeah, they did that - to help defeat the Conclave. 2) The Briarwoods? That quest started because of Percy’s need for vengeance, sure – but then it grew to more than that. They ended up saving both Whitestone and Emon (and countless future targets) from some seriously evil people. Before the Conclave, Vax was questioning what the point of VM was, but ‘standing against evil’ is a pretty good start. 3) They fought goliaths “for Grog”? No, not really. That’s not even half the story. They went to gather intel, save Westruun, and defeat Umbrasyl. The goliaths were a coincidence, a problem that arose and that they then dealt with. It would have been the same had anyone else but the Herd taken Westruun. 4) They travelled to the Feywild to ‘fix your fucking daddy issues?’ Again, NO! Fucking hell, what a twisted view of things! They went to the Feywild for a VESTIGE, a powerful weapon to defeat the dragons. Then they went to Syngorn to recruit a fucking army. The twins would rather not have had to see their father at all, and they made that perfectly clear.

Then comes the bitterness that ‘you don’t know anything about me’. That isn’t totally false, but it isn’t totally on them, either. Vax is right, he did ask about his age – several times, if I remember correctly. And as Vex asks later in the argument: ‘How many times have we asked you if you’re all right and you just laugh and joke?’ Not a kindly made point, again, but a realistic one. He IS kind of springing all this bitterness on them, after being a very deliberately closed book on the subjects of both his wellbeing and his past. Furthermore, I don’t see Vax bringing up Thordak to counter this point as a self-centred move – he’s just using his own experience to point out a logical flaw in Scanlan’s argument. Not knowing each other’s pasts is the norm for VM. Personal history has NEVER been a part of their bond, unless someone wants to talk, and then they will be listened to – Vax brings up the sewer example. More could have been done on both sides, sure. But VM not knowing Scanlan’s personal details – or that he was struggling so – is not because they don’t give a shit. That’s Scanlan’s emotional state talking.

Next up, a good ol’ fashioned piece of cognitive dissonance: ‘You aren’t involved with me as a person’ versus ‘Don’t meddle in my affairs’. Granted, that latter could be interpreted as ‘because you don’t know what you’re doing’, but it still seems a bit contradictory of Scanlan to accuse them of not caring about his personal life, and then berate them for involving themselves in the part they do know about when they deemed it necessary. (And it’s not like they could have asked his permission or opinion on whether they should stick their nose in before contacting Kaylie. He was dead.)

Scanlan then essentially tells them ‘You wouldn’t manhandle me if you respected me’. Fair enough – if you’re not okay with that happening to you, tell them. Real simple: ‘Hey, guys, don’t pick me up like that. It makes me super uncomfortable.’ Everyone has the right to set their own boundaries, but you’ve got to remember that the people around you aren’t mind readers. The ‘baseball’ comment is true; VM manhandle each other all the time, explicitly-consensually and not, and no-one’s had a problem with that before. If Scanlan wanted to change that, that’s on him to say. (But of course he didn’t, because I suspect he’s not really annoyed about it – or if he is, not nearly as much as he appears to be during this argument. He’s lashing out, and everything is ammunition to him in the heat of the moment.)

The final point I’d like to counter is when Scanlan devolves from ‘You only like me for my power’ to ‘I’m not powerful, I’m not cut out for this’. He’s flip-flopping like crazy, which just shows his damaged mental state. At this point, VM are clearly struggling to keep up. They’re trying to give him what he needs, so they do now try to incorporate ‘You’re valuable to us’ into their statements. Vax points out how much Scanlan’s done for him – both emotionally and in terms of survival – while Keyleth even brings his ‘I’m only a joker’ put-down back in as perhaps his greatest advantage. The problem is, those two arguments contradict this point of ‘I’m useless to you guys’, but seem to confirm his earlier one of ‘You only like me because I’m useful’! They can’t win, because Scanlan isn’t arguing with facts and logic anymore. He’s arguing purely with fear, and hurt, and anger, and the desire to pick a fight – which is why I personally find myself understanding where his arguments are coming from, but disagreeing with almost every one.

And so on to Part Two: How VM show, through this exchange, that they do care for Scanlan, and how their mistakes play into that.

Immediately after he wakes up and gets upset, they try to reassure him about Kaylie – saying that she won’t think less of him, pointing out his heroism, reminding him that she’s stuck around to look after him. Later, even after heated discussion, they try to advise him on how to proceed; they tell him that he hasn’t ruined his chance with her, but needs to change his tack and ‘Talk to her.’ I’m not cynical enough to see this as ‘interfering’ or ‘continuing to think they know best’. This is the way I see it: despite the argument, Scanlan is their friend, and he’s worried about something, so they want to help him deal with that.

Now, about the pudding thing: fair enough, that was in bad taste. I won’t deny that. They were relieved, drunk and happy, and so tried to make a joke – but he’d had a traumatic experience, and they should have known better. (A mentally healthier Scanlan probably would have laughed it off, swearing revenge.) It was poorly timed, yes – they seriously misjudged how Scanlan’s mental state would be – but it was not malicious in its intent. The execution was terrible, but I think in its intent, this was identical to any number of pranks VM play on each other.

After being accused of not caring about him, VM try to prove they do care. Vax tries to find the most genuine connection to Scanlan he has, something beyond the practical, and says ‘I’ve changed my outlook on life because of you!’ Again, I think it’s overly cynical to call this a selfish argument – he’s trying to highlight Scanlan’s importance, not his usefulness. Vex directly asks ‘What do you want us to do [to prove we care]?’, which is a good question. Then, after Grog asks about Juniper, she asks about Vicou. It comes off slightly ‘too little too late’, of course – but for gods’ sakes, they’re clearly trying to give Scanlan proof of their care. (Albeit in a slightly panicked, ‘don’t know what to do now’ way – but if they didn’t care, they certainly wouldn’t be scrambling around like that to prove that they do.)

Nearer the end of the scene, Vax tells Scanlan to go with Kaylie if he wants – but not to lie to himself while he’s doing it. And though it’s still aggressive and accusatory, like the rest of the conversation, that’s actually a good thing to want for your friend. His point boils down to ‘Do what you want, do what’s right for you – but do it for good reasons, and certainly not because you’re putting yourself down.’ Scanlan’s not there yet (‘I’m a really good liar’), but I do think that Vax’s good intention here gets through – hence the ‘give me time’ comment.

And that brings us nicely to Part Three: How the characters react to each other during this argument, and what that might suggest about each of their personalities and their mental states.

Firstly, going off of Scanlan’s ‘give me time’ comment: I think time is probably exactly what he needs. Everything becomes calmer when he starts talking about what he plans to do – I think that once he has an out, he’s no longer mentally surrounded by the emotions that fuelled the majority of this argument, and so the people left in the room are able to speak more civilly. They’re able to express care without it turning into anger again, and say a slightly better goodbye.

But before that, of course, there’s Percy. Percy handles this in his own realistic, big-picture-thinking way – even through his obvious anger and frustration. An important part of his speech to Scanlan is essentially this sentiment: ‘Yeah, alright, you’re shit. Who cares? We want you around anyway, and Kaylie probably will too.’ It doesn’t work, because that’s not what Scanlan needs to hear at that moment. But I get why Percy said it – I think that this is exactly the sort of ‘Get over it’ sentiment that would pull him through moments of self-doubt. It’s why there’s a strange dissonance when he tries to show Kaylie affection afterwards; if you take Percy’s words as an attack, you’re left asking, ‘What are you doing, trying to hug Kaylie after saying that?’ But looking at it from his perspective, I almost think that this sort of ‘brutal honesty about your flaws’ is the most loving Percy knows how to be – because he’s better than most at viewing the whole of a person/place/situation, instead of idealising them by focusing only on their good side. It’s why he was totally comfortable with Vax not trusting him, but still being friends/brothers (while most people would say those relationships are based on trust). It’s why he says ‘I hate you’ to Cassandra, entirely comfortable in the darker side of sibling rivalry, while the twins – despite their bickering – say ‘I love you’. To Percy, this sort of interaction doesn’t translate to ‘You’re awful, and in this moment of annoyance/anger I don’t know why I bother with you.’ It’s more like, ‘You’re awful, and I’m awful too, which goes to show how much we care about each other because we’re both still sticking around despite our many, many flaws.’

Lastly, there’s the ‘takeaways’ that each of the other characters – but primarily the half-elves – get from this argument. Keyleth latches onto the idea of people needing space sometimes, of separate journeys needing to be taken. That makes sense, given that the Aramente’s clearly on her mind now the Conclave has fallen. Whereas Pike clearly fears further separation, seeking reassurance that the rest of them can stay together (which Vax gives her). To me, this reflects her sadness at already missing so much of VM travelling together – now she’s back with them, she doesn’t want to lose them again.

Then there’s Vax’s reaction. After Scanlan leaves, there’s a sense of desperation – he starts sharing his feelings and fears in a way that definitely seems like he’s going ‘Please, let’s never have this happen again.’ But the situation is still too raw for anyone to be making decent judgements about what to do next, and so he almost makes the same mistake immediately, by urging Vex to share as well. He’s forgetting, again, that not everyone needs the same things, and that what he finds helpful in the moment others won’t – which is exactly the kind of misjudgement they’ve pretty much all just made with Scanlan. It’s a hard line to walk, because ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ is usually good advice – so when that approach goes south, it’s hard to fix, and you can end up digging a pretty deep hole. That’s the part of the argument that clearly stood out clearest to Vex, and so when faced with further uncomfortable conversation, she removes herself from the situation by leaving the room.

Before the summary, a BONUS - Part Four: Grog the philosopher, a wasted opportunity.

Grog’s ‘We did have selfish intentions’ point is interesting, largely because it doesn’t fit with almost anything else here. In an argument that’s mostly between ‘You don’t care, you’re selfish’ and ‘Yes we do care,’ Grog points out that the genuine care they have is almost as selfish as if they brought Scanlan back just for his mansion and jokes, as he practically claims they did. In a way, Grog’s hit upon a complex philosophical conundrum: ‘Do we care for people because we care for them, or just because we care about the emotional power they have over us? How much of grief is about sadness for them, and how much is sadness for us?’ Essentially, this is a more specific version of the grand old debate: ‘Can we ever be truly altruistic, or are we always motivated by what makes us feel good?’

Grog’s point doesn’t just have the potential to spark philosophical crises in the audience, however – it also might be the best reaction possible to Scanlan’s outburst. He acknowledges Scanlan’s feelings, and apologises for what mistakes they HAVE made with regards to their bard (which are existent, if not as numerous as Scanlan is claiming). Unfortunately, everyone else – including Scanlan himself – is caught up in emotional responses by that point, arguing mostly about things that wouldn’t even be issues (like the manhandling, or other peoples’ ‘personal quests’) were it not for the bad feelings already flying around. By the time Grog asks about Juniper, the situation is more of an emotional fistfight than a debate, and it’s a damn shame that Grog’s social/emotional clarity in this moment goes to waste just because it doesn’t fit into the pattern of argument the other six are already embroiled in.

So, to summarise:

Scanlan is clearly going through a very rough time, and his feelings are valid, but often his logic is not. Given that he was hurting, he should have been handled with a bit more empathy here, I think, but VM’s less-than-ideal reactions are also understandable. They didn’t handle the revelation of Scanlan’s misery admirably, but it was realistic – it’s very, very common for a conversation you’re ultimately having because you care about someone (else you wouldn’t BOTHER) to devolve into an argument. Sometimes, when emotions are running high, it feels a little uncontrollable, and you wind up thinking ‘how did we get here?’ (Or, as Vex said: ‘Well, that didn’t go like I thought it would.’) This theme is continued with Grog and Percy joking about sending guards after Scanlan – that moment is a nice metaphor for the whole discussion, I think, symbolising that an argument with someone you love is rarely a question of whether you still care; more often than not, it’s a battle between two different ideas of HOW that care can/should be expressed.

This show is consistently excellent in portraying complex situations where no-one’s totally right or wrong. (And the characters seem to know that things aren’t black and white, too: ‘Fuck him for not saying anything sooner! And fuck us for not asking.’ There’s blame on both sides, and Vex shows here that she understands that.) It’s easy to portray conflict when characters have differing intentions/motivations – but situations like this? Where everyone essentially wants the same good thing (i.e. caring about each other), but it still gets complicated and argumentative, and no-one comes across as a total idiot whose viewpoint makes no fucking sense? Well, this was a particularly well-done – albeit heartbreaking – example of this show presenting that kind of situation brilliantly.

Eighty-five episodes in, Vox Machina continue true to form: strangely competent at saving the world, but absolute experts in doing the wrong things for the right reasons. And damn, is it compelling.

#critical role #cr #cr meta #a bard's lament #vox machina #scanlan shorthalt #mine

106 notes · View notes

wren-hawk · 5 years

Text

Campaign 1, Episode 55

A first time watch and live commentary three years too late.

tl;dr: Vax and Scanlan manage to not be digested, no one plummets to their death, Shale is old and awesome, and Grog fulfills his destiny.

Laura actually forgot her dice. Truly we are on the edge of total collapse. Awww, Travis being the good husband and going to find them/enabling her addiction. Remember this moment three years from now.

Travis is doing the ad read?? This is so wrong. Oh thank God, Sam is here just in time. Dodged a bullet. The bullet being actually hearing about the sponsor.

I can shorten that recap for you Matt: Everything was great. Until it wasn’t.

12, 13, and 13. Great initiative rolls guys. Really boding well for the night.

Oh god, is Umbrasyl trying to shit them out?! Oh no, he’s just going to puke them out and eat them again. Like a dog.

Scanlan as a snake is trying to go into a wound. There’s something really wrong with that and I just can’t put my finger on it.

“Oh, did you want to chase after them?” Really Matt?! That’s a question?! “Eh, fare thee well comrades. We’ll meet again some sunny day.”

Air is queefing out of the slit opened in the dragon. Is this the origin story of Arsequeef?

“I would like to fist the wound.” Amazing. Matt’s face is a landscape of both hatred and giddiness at the same time. I feel like that is a common experience with DMs. Are you fisting or fingering though Sam? Get it right!

Travis’s Nat 1 failure on the chain of returning a turn ago might have saved his life.

Taliesin’s face when he remembers he lost Hex:

Vax is trapped in the wound. My visual is essentially a baby halfway through being birthed.

Well, Scanlan fists the wound once more creating a whole that he leaps through as Bigby’s hand catches him. My favorite thing right now about watching these old episodes is imagining what these scenes could look like animated some day. This whole episode has been a real visual so far.

Travis with his whole bro look this episode talking about his love for Harry Potter fills me with joy.

And now they’re plummeting out of the dragon. Sophie’s Choice for Scanlan. Sophie chooses Grog.

HAHAHAHAHA Grog is smarter as the eagle. That’s amazing.

Good job Keyleth. Way to be on time to the party as she finally is able to gate stone to the party. Marisha is now debating about whether or not to take the fall damage as an earth elemental... Guys, I think we should have seen the Keyfish incident coming.

Chris Perkins! I like that he’s playing an older woman, we don’t really get to see older characters in TTRPGs unless they’re a magic class )or a monk). Probably for obvious reasons as you probably don’t have a long lifespan as an adventurer.

Vax is still tiny. I still don’t understand what the reasoning was for that.

Matt is a liar and a bringer of death and he smiles at you while he does it.

Seriously Travis, you’ve got it at least half damaged, Chris Perkins is here judging you, saddle up chosen one.

Thank god for Pass Without a Trace. These are some low stealth rolls even with that +10.

Pretentious asshole Percy. Schmutz him up Vex!

Only men name their weapons. Testify Shale. Testify.

Shale whacks Vax. I love her.

Vex bemoaning the lack of a plan. To be fair though Vex, your plans fall apart in 2 seconds anyway, so what’s the diff?

Old rocks, as old as Shale. None of those rocks (or magic) you learn in a hoity-toity tower that those damn millennials are so obsessed with.

“He’s a mad little one isn’t he?” Shale says as Vax runs into the invisible Umbrasyl.

Oof, a 20 and a 1 as Percy’s other gun breaks. Bad News broke earlier and Percy right now is kind of screwed.

Oh god, acid bees! This is the worst!!!

“Oh shut up you flying suitcase.” Shale is my old cantankerous French grandma and I love her.

Second Vax/Vex screw up of the night. Sam plans to roll Vix as his next character; I hope Vix is an some sort of weird aunt to Vax and Vex that sells some weird merchandise that’s super eclectic and only 4 people in the world are interested in like fossilized faerie farts or something. Maybe that’s my first ever D&D character.

Ah ha you stupid dragon, I hope you vomit your guts out due to Stinking Cloud farts.

Wow, Sam actually advocating for Trinket to get an attack. We’re in new territory here.

Nat 20 on Pike’s anal probe on the dragon! Spiritual Weapon is good too, but I’m so used to Jester’s chainsaw lollipop that a meathook just doesn’t measure up. Sorry Pike.

Faerie Fire! Yay Keyleth! Underrated spell.

Grog! 64 points with 1 round! Awesome!

Scanlan fingers the wound again. I have closed captioning up and I did originally read it as “anally jams the finger back into the wound” so there’s that.

“Have you ever had sex?” Super awkward pause. Let’s just let that hang for as long as possible.

Holy shit Percy, go to fucking town with this sword! 172 points of damage John Wu style! That’s hot. Even with the smoke. (Especially with the smoke?)

I love when everyone starts to sing along to the inspiration songs. Or in this case, chant the ‘who? who who who?’ for ‘who let the Grogs out?’

Ugh, eye stuff, eye stuff! This sucks!

Everyone is starting to look so tired. Kill this guy!

“Did you add Sneak Attack? Oh no, because nothing hit.” Way to rub salt in the wound Matt.

Just as everyone reminds Laura about Hunter’s Mark, it’s nice to see her reminding Travis about necrotic damage.

Yes!!! HDYWTDT!! And Laura’s reminders about necrotic damage pay off! Jesus, Travis is a poet with these finishing blows.

Good job recovering from that horrible position of last episode. 1 down, 3 to go!

#critical role #vox machina #cr1 spoilers #cr1e55

9 notes · View notes

littlenimart · 7 years

Note

Favorite Critical Role moments and characters so far? I always like hearing opinions from other fans earlier on in the story - though of course, I don't expect you to answer if you don't want to :)

nonono i loveee questions! if i ever don’t respond to one assume it got lost or I saw it, got excited, meant to answer and then forgot and then got embarrassed by how long it’s been.

OK, SPOILERS ABOUND BELOW THE CUT.

as of now (at the start of episode 52!), my favorites:

characters are super hard…. everyone has moments where they realllly shine, and there isn’t anyone I don’t love. I think that Percy and Vex have both become favorites of mine recently. I’m sort of in love with Vex’s general attitude. She’s a rational and businesslike person most of the time, but then can also be a ray of pure joy and wonder. There’s a really sweet dynamic between her and Vax where she’s often trying to cheer him up when he’s in one of his sad moods, and the love between them is so beautiful and definitely one of my favorite parts of the show, and one of the better sibling dynamics in literally anything i’ve ever watched. Vex also has a great character flaw in her general greed and lust for cool flying items- that’s led to a lot of great moments in the show.

Speaking of character flaw, Percy started to intrigue me around episode 20 when the Briarwood’s name popped up, and has only gotten better. He starts out sort of meek, and has gone through a bunch of character shifts in response to the events of the campaign. Taliesen plays Percy so loveably, IMO, that it makes a character who could easily be just the dark n’ edgy guy with the anime backstory into a really interesting and likeable guy. I like that he’s also terrible, in a way- he can be a little too eager for material wealth and magic items as well, he gave Grog a dangerous magic item just to make it not his problem, he has this “ends justify the means” mentality that sometimes scares his friends a little, but at the end of the day they’re all friends and they do love him and he loves them. I’ve loved what’s happened since the Sunken Tomb, in that he used to make Vex cool presents all the time (and it was just taken as given that he would be making things for her), and now his guilt is manifesting in him spending lots of time worrying about Vex, trying to make her happy (while also serving the group, multi-purpose guilt tinkering here!) by making a broom saddle, etc.

I also love Grog, and am so happy that he’s getting a chance to talk and lead right now, since Travis does a great job of playing him. He’s the most morally grey of the group in that he genuinely enjoys smashing people to shit, but he also has an endearingly soft streak in the way that he deals with Pike, and to a lesser degree, the rest of his friends. He’s also just plain funny- he does a lot to lift the mood in tense situations just being himself, and i’m incredibly grateful for that.

As much as I would, I can’t just name the whole group so I wanna just leave it at Percy, Vex and Grog. But I suck so... Honorable mention to Vax because I can’t stop myself. First of all, bisexual character with a lot of feelings, obviously appealing to me. His genuine depth of emotion in every situation is admirable to me. He cares about all of his friends, and feels especially deeply about Keyleth and Gilmore. Don’t even get me started on Vex. The level of “I’d lay down my life for you” he has for his sister is kind of unhealthy, but you know he couldn’t live without her, and it gets to me as someone who has a sister they love a lot. It’s totally understandable that he’d be that way. Also, Liam plays the emotion ALWAYS and it’s a joy to see him act.

For moments, i’m for sure forgetting some, but i’ll rattle off what comes to mind:

-The aftermath of the Sunken Tomb, when Vex is walking around all happy-go-lucky and the rest of them are treating her like a child with a terminal illness. They all feel so terrible after the whole ordeal, are making nice gestures and apologizing for things they said and giving her random stuff, and she’s just like “I don’t even remember any of that! I feel fine!” I loved the succession of Vax giving Percy a serious talking to, Keyleth scrying Westrun, Vex leaving Keyleth crying in the inn, and the mood whiplash-tastic cut to Scanlan playing harmonica outside an outhouse while Grog talks to his cursed sword inside.

-The night watch scenes before the sunken tomb, all of them.

-The scene in episode 50 where the group tries to convince Grog to get rid of Craven edge, and Pike’s opinion is really all that matters to him.

-Scanlan’s mansion.

-Vex inviting herself to help Percy tinker with the broom, and his turnaround from “You don’t have to do this, it might be faster if I do it alone.” to semi-awkwardly “That was actually really productive, you’re a fast learner and we should… do this again sometime?”

-Literally any time Vax or Vex are hurt badly, and the other goes all “mama bear” to get them out of danger.

-Both trips to Victor, the black powder merchant. Especially the exchange between Percy and Vex “Vex? 250 gold, if you’d be so kind!” “That much??” “I’m going to make you something lovely.” “I love you!”

-When they find Gilmore in the bunker under the ruins of his store.

-Vax and Gilmore’s conversation about feelings in the bar after the group returns from Whitestone.

-Kaylie confronting Scanlan in his room.

-The destruction of Pepperbox, from the second Scanlan casts “friends” on Percy.

-All conversations with Craven Edge.

-Lady Kima joining up with the group before the sunken tomb by telling that other paladin to “Back off, this is my turf!”

-EVERYTHING involving Zahra and Kash.

-Vax’s sneak-gone-wrong into the Briarwoods’ room at Uriel’s home.

-Keyleth and Percy’s friendship conversation in the cave outside Whitestone.

-When the party first meets Clarota, and Scanlan sings “Clarota healing”

Sorry for the novel length answer, but I couldn’t resist!!!! ;o; Thank you for giving me the chance to gush, i’m in love with this show…

#critical role #cr #critical role spoilers #ask

23 notes · View notes

eponymous-rose · 7 years

Text

Talks Machina Highlights (Spoilers through E86)

Secret Denise message of the week: “He who sees my face will be cursed for a thousand years.” As you do.

Sam makes his entrance gagged and with his hands tied while the rest of the cast points and yells "shaaame” at him.

Laura thought Scanlan was screwing with them and kept waiting for him to turn around.Travis notes that they can usually talk people out of that kind of choice, and Marisha realized Scanlan was actually leaving when the conversation started going around in circles and there were no easy solutions.

Taryon was not supposed to appear in 85 at all. Midway through the show, Matt called Sam over and told him Taryon was going in tonight. “Why?” Matt: “’Cause... why not?” At that point, Sam had virtually no backstory planned for Taryon and didn’t even have Doty named yet. Matt: “...I can say that was a miscommunication and I thought that was the intent?” Matt told Sam they’d figure out Taryon once the party knew where they were going next, and Sam took that to mean in the next episode, so Matt sort of accidentally threw him in at the deep end.

Sam: “I did not do any of that to hurt you as people or characters, I did not mean any sort of betrayal by it. It just felt like the right thing to do... and the tasty way to do it.” Taliesin notes he’s had e-mails after a break-up that sounded just like that. Matt was tense through the whole thing.

Taliesin: “You’ve proven that we can bring in a new character and it works.” Liam keeps thinking of the pre-stream game and missing Scanlan. Marisha realized she was putting away her d12s because she only ever used them when Scanlan gave her inspiration.

Vex felt like she and Scanlan really understood each other because they both put up fronts, and now she’s starting to doubt that.

Liam notes that Scanlan was the only one who really managed to get through to Vax during his nosedive.

While Scanlan was out, Sam had time to think about how Scanlan would feel when he woke up, and he couldn’t really justify why Scanlan would stick around. He thought it would be really difficult to make it seem believable for Scanlan to stick around when he was that miserable, so a break made sense.

Liam: “With a little space from this, it was brilliant.”

Sam: “Some of the things that Vex said to Scanlan changed his plan. My initial intent was to leave solo, alone, and you guys all convinced me to stay with Kaylie.”

Liam points out that VM doesn’t really keep their guard down anymore, so they’re pretty wary of Taryon, although Grog’s on board now that they’ve beat him up (”I’ve done all the insight checking that’s needed”), and Percy’s on board because he’s excited to have a nerd-buddy and a very useful distraction.

It was Grog’s idea to beat up Tary and Doty, because he was worried about them possibly getting the rest of his friends killed if they weren’t able to hold their own.

Laura points out it was more of an audition than a hazing--they did it to their staff at the Keep. Marisha reminisces that she turned into a giant scorpion for the first time during that scene and scared off a lot of them on the spot. Vex shot an arrow at Jarrett, and he side-stepped and made eye contact, and she knew he’d be sticking around.

Taryon is inspired by the likes of Richard Branson and Tony Stark. The pitch to Matt: “I wanna be a guy with no skill at all who has bought everything he can do, if he has a problem he just throws money at it, and he wants to be a brave, daring adventurer and has no skill to back it up,” and Matt immediately thought of the artificer class. Matt: “In theory, without any of his equipment, he’d be a level 2. The equipment’s what brings him up to level 13.”

Percy stopped feeling threatened by Taryon when he realized he needed magic to build his stuff. “We can do a Bruce Banner-Tony Stark kind of thing.” Sam points out that Taliesin actually knows some of the stuff Percy talks about, whereas the simple machines Taryon talked about so condescendingly were the actual limit of Sam’s technical knowledge.

Marisha leans towards Keyleth mostly just using the elemental spells that she’s completed her Aramente for.

Vex thought of Scanlan as the dad of the group, the one you went to if you didn’t know what else to do. Sam, whispering: “...I’m so sad right now.”

Brian: “The first person who can open a fucking door should be the leader of Vox Machina forever.”

Liam on Vax: he was a total fuck-up, didn’t have a purpose, and that got flipped on its head. Vax thinks another shoe is gonna drop from the Raven Queen, but he’s not rushing towards that; he wants a little private time. “It’s a weird thing, being Fate-Touched in a game of chance.” He’s currently waiting for instruction, but doesn’t really know where to go. From Matt’s perspective, the Raven Queen’s set him on a path and has outlined the general direction, and until that path needs to be corrected, she’ll leave him to keep walking. But without training, Vax doesn’t really know how that connection works.

Travis thinks Grog would do okay one-on-one against Kevdak now.

A fan points out that Matt was silent for 18 minutes during the party’s confrontation with Scanlan. Matt loved it, because it let him become a member of the audience. “That’s the reward for all the hard work.”

Matt re: Keyleth potentially taking on True Resurrection as a ninth-level spell: “There’s an interesting disconnect between the mechanics of the game and a realistic narrative.” He feels that there needs to be a necessary, very important purpose for that person that didn’t get completed. Marisha mentions that there are some spells that Keyleth wouldn’t be comfortable with (same as Pike not using some spells), and that True Resurrection would be difficult. She’s excited about True Polymorph, though.

Matt had to tell Sam that Scanlan did not hear Grog’s contribution to the resurrection ritual--Grog unfortunately failed his contribution. Sam: “I will say as Sam Riegel listening to Travis Willingham’s song... legit tears.”

Doty is not quite as strong as rules-as-written, but is a little smarter so he can read and write. Liam: “But can he love?”

Matt points out that a lot of the show’s narrative stems from relationships, so it seemed natural that romances would start up in the game. Laura: “[Liam and Marisha] had to deal with all of us acting like asshole fucking schoolchildren.” Travis: “I just want the story to be good. I just want nudity and good story. I don’t care where it’s from.”

Marisha and Liam went out to lunch to talk Vax/Keyleth once it looked like things were heading that way to make sure everyone was on board and comfortable with it.

Sam thinks Scanlan would be very skeptical of Taryon and would think he’s an asshole and would be on board with pretty much everything that’s happened.

Liam hopes for a bit of overlap between Scanlan and Taryon. Sam: “Oh god...”

Sam honestly doesn’t know if we’ve seen the last of Scanlan.

Percy does not want to return to Whitestone in a permanent sense at all, but Taliesin notes that it doesn’t matter, because he has to, and he understands that responsibility’s part of being titled. He doesn’t think Percy will ever take power, but if it comes up, he has ideas of how he could be useful.

Brian: “Is there anything special you want to do for episode 100?” Liam: “Wear some pants, please.” Matt: “No. Never.”

Matt sighs heavily when everyone suggests a bodyswapping episode. Sam: “We’re doing it, Matt. Someday.” Matt: “...so hackneyed.”

Brian: “Oh, I forgot about Alpha! Probably because it hasn’t worked for months.”

After-Dark:

Sam would be down for playing both Scanlan and Taryon.

Everyone was pretty okay with Taryon not knowing their names. Marisha: “That seems like something we’d do.”

Brian asks where the giant mug is right now. Sam points out that it’s literally sitting on a shelf behind Brian, in the same shot as him. Sam’s new mug was a gift from Laura ages ago.

At the time, Vex thought hanging onto the deck was the smart thing to do, but after the conversation with Scanlan, she decided it was better to give it back to Grog. Travis had games and games of guilt-trips planned. Percy was planning to build fake magical cards with a bit of flashpowder.

Matt reveals that Fenthras was already Exalted when Vex got it. Laura, slumping dejectedly and extremely dramatically on the couch: “Fucking hell, I’ve got all this fuckin’ shit I’ve been working on!”

Exalted is the next level after Awakened for Vestiges. More info in the campaign guide.

Liam: “What if Pike was hit with love at first sight for Taryon?” Everyone just goes silent while they ponder that.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #long text post

604 notes · View notes

otdderamin · 7 years

Text

Transcript Ep84 1:11:11 Hallway drinking party + analysis of Percy’s current mental health

NOTE: Making conjectures about anyone's mental health from purely observational information is inherently flawed. I emphatically suggest you don't do so for real people. It can cause us to make incorrect assumptions about them, misinterpret their intentions, incorrectly assess their abilities, or invite bias against them. I'm also very wary of psychological assessments for fictional characters. But sometimes a character’s actions only make sense when you understand their psychology, and it is for that reason that I’m sharing my assessment of Percy.

Many people have enough direct or indirect experience with depression and anxiety to empathize with them. They may influence who a person is, but in a mostly reliable way. You expect Vax to be mostly gloomy. You expect Keyleth to over-analyze everything. It's very hard for most people to empathize with bipolar disorder precisely because it can put a person's behavior all over the map. It's harder to spot the signs of since it keeps the person in so much flux. If you start to get a read on someone, and then they do something totally opposite of what you’d expect, it’s easy to doubt that your analysis. That said, this is only a well educated guess, I believe it's a useful guess, but it could be incorrect.

In Talks Machina Ep3 0:56:56, Taliesin says death left Percy, “feeling very committed to his current manic phase that he’s going through. There will probably be a, you know, a depressive phase at the end of this." Those two sentences use psychiatric language implying bipolar disorder, which Percy’s behavior is consistent with (painfully so, at times). He started out the broadcast fairly stable, but rapidly deteriorated into a mixed state (plus PTSD) when the Briarwoods were reintroduced. Mixed affective state is the most unpredictable and dangerous; consider the worst thoughts attached to depression with an abundance of nervous energy and lack of impulse control. He started stabilizing again after Whitestone was restored. But his role in killing Vex in Ep44 sent him into depression. He bottomed out in Ep57. Looking for help from the Raven Queen at all was a sure sign of desperation from a guy that’s largely ignored the gods. But more significant is the walk home. Casting hex on himself is the only deliberate act of self half from any of the characters so far, and he did it directly after talking to death herself. His mood markedly improved after that.

Ep84 is the first time we've seen Percy depressed since Ep64, while showing Vax the Raven Queen's Temple. In those 16 days, Vax has started coming out of his gloom. But that's not what we see in Percy's behavior. In Talks Machina Ep3 (0:56:45, post-Ep76), a fan said Percy "seems in better humors", and Taliesin explicitly referred to it as Percy's "current manic phase" (0:56:56). I think Percy can feel the edges of it in Ep64, anxious distress pushing him to very earnestly ask Vax not to trust him (1:56:32). It starts really showing itself when Ripley came back into the picture (Ep66). His expression of distress, through Ep68, shows classic signs of mania (compounded with PTSD): racing thoughts, rapid talking in Ep67, agitation, trouble focusing on required tasks, and obsessive focus. The way he handles Raishan in Ep70 shows a marked increase in self-esteem and reïnforces the hyper-focus. The way he kissed Vex in Ep72 showed even more marked self-esteem, increase in goal-oriented behavior, and, given his insecurity, increased risk-taking. The most dangerous manifestation was in Ep73 when he asked if they should protect Whitestone (1:37:28), was told no, and then stabbed Raishan (1:45:44). That is squarely in the ranks of a sense of grandiosity, racing thoughts, being overly goal-oriented, and "excessive involvement in activates with a high potential for painful consequences." (DSM-5). Which is also why he came up short explaining his actions. It seemed like a good idea in the high of the moment, but it's obviously a bad idea in hindsight. The mania backed off a bit after that, but it's the restless energy that pervaded his actions under pressure up until now.

But in this scene, we see that mood starting to crash. He’s still showing manic signs. He says he’s very tired in both Ep83 and Ep84 (0:50:11), but still stays up until 3 am. He’s aware that his ideas for pranking Scanlan might be impulsive and poor judgement, so he asks Pike to check him. But we see increasingly more signs of depression. His inflated self-esteem starts crumbling back to self-recrimination. The guilt and hopelessness start crashing in again. His agitation changes from a restlessness to do things into bitterness. We see him struggling to concentrate and be articulate (1:15:24). His preoccupation with death turns back towards his personal relationship with it (rather than outward towards Ripley, Raishan, and Thordak). This is the only episode where it was stated that he drank so heavily he can’t entirely remember the night before. Which could be a worrying symptom, but could also just be the release of that night.

Mania can be exacerbated by intense pressure. The need to react quickly and decisively tends to push the mind that way and keep it there. But once that pressure is gone, one tends to crash. If you think of mood like a wave, shorter cycles and higher amplitudes are both more dangerous and positively reinforce each other. So, if this was a fast and bad cycle up, there's a good chance that his mood will crash down quickly and badly (it might not, and further pressure could influence it). It's also possible that the sheer size of the stakes they've been playing for made Percy's manic cycle look worse than it really was. Any unnecessary risk taking could so easily end in such a huge disaster for them, or pay huge dividends. I do believe Taliesin in Talks Machina Ep3 (0:57:35), when he says that Percy's healthier than he was, but also, and importantly, that he isn't healthy.

Layered on top of his fluctuating mood are important changes in his outlook: he's become more emotionally open with his friends, he's increasingly feeling like he doesn't have control of or choice in the direction of his life, and he's become increasingly mistrustful of things like magic if he can't see how they work.

He was so closed off through the Whitestone arc that his friends could barely help him, even though he was in tremendous distress. Vex was the only one who got through to him at all. In his quiet conversations with Vax (Ep32 2:42:42, Ep44 1:15:21, and Ep64 1:51:03) he held a lot back, though a lot less in Ep64. There's a marked difference in how earnest he was in Ep67 1:36:46 when he tells Vex and Vax his fears about Ripley and himself. His conversation with Vex in the woods in Ep72 is similarly open. But we've never seen him as desperately frank as he is in this hallway (that openness leading to his tirade in Ep85).

Percy has a lot of interesting control issues. He's generally fine letting things, people, or situations be. He doesn't mind things being a mess around him and he has no constant need to bring order to things. But in high-stakes situations, combat, negotiations, and other things that scare him, he "is very much about the idea of creating bubbles of control" (Talks Machina Ep8 Twitch 0:54:58, bottom of the article). Magic has had a huge influence in controlling his life lately, but he has no basis to understand how it works, his way of trusting things, and he has no way to assert control over it. So, his reaction is to push it away entirely.

Rule of Whitestone is weighing more and more heavily on him. In Ep24 (0:20:09), while telling Vox Machina about Whitestone and the coup, he says, "I had nothing in my life other than my family. I was never really going to inherit anything. I wasn't going to run anything. I was idle." Julius and Vesper handled matters of court. Everything he's said about his early history suggest he had no interest in rule and probably not much specific training. His mental disorders make him inherently unreliable. He might learn to manage that better, but he'll never be free of it. Part of Percy's ego is a constant need to prove that he's more clever and capable than other people. So, to find himself in a role he's ill-prepared for would be a tremendous source of anxiety. When Cassandra asks him to commit to helping her run Whitestone (Ep73 52:36), he deflects, and his anxiety is palpable. In Talks Machina Ep5 (Alpha 1:05:55 for Ep78), Taliesin was asked how he felt about Percy and Cassandra's relationship. He says, "[Cassandra] is a representation of everything he's been ignoring while he's been out finding himself. He has been out finding himself, and he has discovered that he really likes that person, and is horrified that he may have to go back. He does not want to go back. He will go back. Probably-Maybe. Probably. Possibly. Who knows? But he's- yeah. She is a stunning example of his guilt, and everything that he has done wrong in his life, and every time he looks at her he is painfully aware of his own weakness, and is so guilty, so guilt ridden. He's not over that at all."

He's thankful to have his home back, but it's also an external reminder of the coup that may be causing him a lot of unspoken pain because of his PTSD (Cassandra as well, and I think he knows that). We don't actually know a lot about the events of that night, so we can't be sure how much of his guilt is appropriate, disproportionate, or delusional. We do know that a component of what he's feeling is survivor's guilt, given that he says, "I just… miss an awful lot of people, that's all. And I don't understand how we get to choose." (1:16:27) Staying in Whitestone, however much he loves the place, means resigning himself to a pained life he has little temperament or experience to do well in. So, it's significant that he sits in this hallway, this night, and says, "I know my life isn't my own. My life is all of yours. My life is my sister's. My life is, this castle's. My life ended." Vox Machina has been an escape from all of this, a chance to live his life on his terms for the first time. Now he's looking down the road and seeing, intellectually, that he'll have to give up that freedom. He's resigned to it, but he hasn't accepted it in any healthy way or he wouldn't say, "My life ended." Not that he'll have to restructure or make accommodations in his life, but that his role in his life is over.

This isn't that that different from Vax first resigning himself to being in the control of the Raven Queen as her champion. Vax was placed in that position by fate rather than will. Vax has been able to learn that that he's quite competent in that mantle, however much trepidation he still holds for his future. But Percy knows enough about what will be required of him to also know that it will never come naturally to him. All he bleakly sees is another mask to put on, to live for years as someone he's not, and never could be. The pain of this resignation is largely why Percy lashes out at Scanlan in Ep85.

If you like this transcript, please consider donating to Critical Role Transcripts, @CRTranscript, to help them provide closed captioning to Critical Role. We'd like to share this wonderful show with as many people as possible, regardless of hearing ability or English language skills.

Transcript method notes: http://otdderamin.tumblr.com/post/153539301510/a-note-on-my-transcription-method

Scene runs: 1:11:12 to 1:31:03 https://youtu.be/KiGoxBJQ_I0?t=4272

[Everyone starts out understandably upset, through the resurrection ritual. When it succeeds, most of their moods lift with relief. Percy's doesn't. He looks more introspective. His words drag, trying to resolve the last details needed to let Scanlan rest and recover.]

0:50:11 Percy: "I am going to go back to the castle, sit down, take this off, and, I think, sleep for a long while."

0:50:20 Marisha: "Yeah, what time of day is it?"

0:50:22 Matt: "At this time… the arrival here… it's pushing past sunset, I'm pretty sure. Or if not, it's probably early night, with the hour it took for the ritual."

…

[Kerrek and Grog started drinking in the hallway outside Scanlan's room, Ker trying to press Grog for information about resurrection rituals. Pike just joined them in the hallway. Ker went to get more alcohol.]

1:11:12 Matt, indicating Taliesin: "So, you wander in."

1:11:13 Taliesin: "Yes."

1:11:14 Matt: "Kerrek wandered away."

1:11:15 Taliesin: "I'm going to wander into the room,"

Percy salutes Grog and Pike sitting in the hallway outside Scanlan's room, drinking.

1:11:16 Taliesin: "with a nod, and just sit for a moment."

1:11:20 Grog, suspiciously pointing at Percy: "Wait! Prove that you're you."

1:11:23 Percy, studies Grog, scrutinizing the idea.

1:11:25 Percy, slowly, wistfully: "No…"

1:11:27 Grog, nodding, satisfied, "It's you."

1:11:27 Percy, slightly relieved: "Thank you."

Percy takes a drink and sighs.

(1:11:39 Taliesin, laughing: "I love you so much.")

1:11:41 Matt: "Alright, so you sit for a bit. Ker eventually returns with a second bottle of matching alcohol. Unopened though. The same-"

1:11:48 Pat, mimicking holding up two bottles: "Two! Two! Two hands!"

1:11:51 Matt: "Oh! So you go for a third bottle as well."

1:11:54 Pat: "Yes."

1:11:54 Matt: "Two unopened bottles of the same brackish liquor."

1:12:00 Percy sighs, clearly reflecting on something.

1:12:01 Pat: "And I'll pass one to both of the people that I was not drinking with before. I'll pass them off."

1:12:11 Matt: "Okay, so, Pike and Percival, you have a fresh bottle jammed into your hand."

1:12:14 Pike, singsong: "One for me!"

1:12:17 Percy: "I'll be passing this around a bit." He takes a drink, and salutes them with the bottle. "Mmm."

1:12:24 Pike, excitedly sitting up and smiling: "Should we all sit on the bed around Scanlan like a slumber party?"

1:12:28 Grog, deliberating in a high voice: "Is that creepy?"

1:12:30 Percy, dispirited: "Honestly, I'm thinking about going through his things. So, no, I don't think it is."

Pike and Grog laugh.

1:12:33 Grog, satisfied: "Well. Okay."

1:12:36 Matt: Makes a fart noise. "Scanlan is definitely alive.

They laugh, most heartily. But Percy falls back to a low mood far before the others stop laughing.

1:12:49 Pike, warmly: "What were you guys talking about, out there? If I can be so rude to ask?"

1:12:53 Grog: "Oh, us?"

1:12:54 Ker: "Uh… The liquor… is has, uh, fabulous brackish notes."

1:12:58 Grog, in his high dishonest voice: "Yep. Notes of brack."

1:13:03 Pike, laughing, seeing through him: "Great. Great."

1:13:05 Percy, without real pride: "Thank you. We make it here."

1:13:07 Grog, excitedly to Pike: "We were, um- I was also- talking about what a great job you do. Apparently, you're really rare."

1:13:16 Pike: "What do you mean?"

1:13:17 Grog, with admiration: "Apparently, you and your resurrections, they don't always work. Which is amazing."

1:13:25 Pike, matter of fact: "They don't always work."

Percy subtly flinches.

1:13:27 Grog, impressed: "I didn't know that!"

1:13:28 Pike: "They don't. We've been very fortunate. We've been very fortunate… What did you- why do you ask, Ker?"

1:13:39 Ker: "I've never actually seen anything like that before. It was quite an experience. Am I still wearing my armor?"

1:13:50 Pat: "I might actually ask that out loud."

1:13:53 Matt: "And he is! He's still wearing his armor, unwashed. A few of you have gotten washed," Taliesin nods, indicating himself, Travis shakes his head "A few or you are still going over the events of the day. Grog is not washed."

1:14:04 Ashley: "Not yet."

1:14:05 Laura: "Grog never washes!"

1:14:06 Matt: "Yeah."

1:14:06 Travis: "Parfum du Grog."

1:14:07 Laura pretends to gag.

1:14:08 Matt: "So yeah, he is still wearing his armor."

1:14:09 Pat: "You get the marvelous spectacle of a slightly older, slightly portly man shrugging out of a full suit of chain mail. It's entertaining. And then just dumps it on the floor, and then the padding underneath."

Kerrek sighs in relief.

1:14:39 Grog: "That's a lot of shit you wear, man."

1:14:42 Ker, deadpan: "You know, what I forgot over all these years? Like, the sweat gathers in your ass."

The others laugh in agreement. Percy barely manages a laugh in contrast. His fidgeting suggests increasing agitation.

1:14:51 Grog: "Right. Yeah."

1:14:53 Pike: "Swamp ass."

1:14:54 Marisha, laughing hard: "Swamp ass."

1:14:55 Pike: "Swamp ass."

1:14:55 Marisha, laughing hard: "Butt crack. Yeah…"

1:14:56 Pike: "It's a thing."

1:14:57 Marisha: "It sucks."

1:14:57 Ker: "You'd think that I would remember, but, no. I had forgotten that."

1:15:04 Pike: "It just drips right in."

1:15:05 Percy, deadpan: "I forget, and then suddenly I remember, that I met you all in a prison cell."

1:15:15 Pike, fondly: "I remember very well.

1:15:16 Percy: laughs mirthlessly.

1:15:19 Percy, sadly, "It's not fair, is it?"

1:15:21 Grog asks, "What?"

1:15:24 Percy, increasingly downcast, struggling for words: "Well, just one day… You lose so many people, and then just one day you just stop. And at what point in your life, it just…? You decide that suddenly, for no reasons, it just… You're just not allowed to die yet. You're just- Your life isn't your own anymore. Suddenly, you've done what you were supposed to do, and now you're back, and… it's just not yours anymore, is it? And what of everybody else? It's not fair. Any of it. … I don't know." He takes another drink, and starts drinking more often.

1:16:04 Grog, puzzled and inquisitive: "What? You don't think your life is your own?"

1:16:07 Percy, emphatically, tinged with distress: "I know my life isn't my own. My life is all of yours. My life is my sister's. My life is, "he looks around like he's feeling trapped, "this castle's." He takes a long drink. "My life ended."

1:16:24 Pike, concerned: "Do you feel-"

1:16:27 Percy, with a pained smile: "I am very glad to be here." He laughs grimly, then continues sadly. "I just… miss an awful lot of people, that's all. And I don't understand how we get to choose."

1:16:42 Grog, with dawning understanding: "Oh…"

1:16:47 Pike, consolingly: "I understand."

1:16:48 Percy: "I know."

1:16:50 Grog, whispering to Pike: "I just got it, too."

1:16:52 Pike, whispering to Grog: "Yeah."

1:16:52 Percy: "I know you don't, Grog. I'm so grateful that you don't."

1:16:57 Percy sighs, staring at the bottle in thought a few moments. Then raises it in a toast.

1:17:00 Percy: "To the unyielding unfairness of the universe."

1:17:03 Grog: "Yep! Raising drinks."

They all raise their drinks.

1:17:04 Liam: "I'm not even here, and I'm raising it."

1:17:06 Marisha: "Yeah, I'll- cheers to that."

1:17:07 Liam: "Fuckin' a."

1:17:08 Ker: "I'll drink."

1:17:12 Percy, taking a long pull: "And that it decided that we get to keep this bastard." With a wry, rueful smile, "Hardly fair."

[Percy instigates pranking Scanlan, his tone one of affection.]

1:18:09 Taliesin: "I don't know if Percy is that… has that much of a lack of propriety. I'm really debating, though. How much have we had to drink?"

1:18:18 Matt: "Well, that's up to you. Other members of this room have gotten quite drunk."

…

[They prank Scanlan, dressing him in one of Pike's nightgowns and smearing pudding on him.]

1:21:48 Taliesin: "I'm going to smear some of [the pudding] on his forehead so he can read it in the mirror, backwards, it's just going to say, 'No. Never.'"

…

[Kerrek helps them tie Scanlan up.]

1:23:23 Matt: "Yeah. Alright. And with the presentation complete, your… diorama con Scanlan, the evening draws late. Now probably a good two thirty, three o'clock in the morning on completion."

1:23:40 Percy: "It is time for sleep."

…

[The next morning.]

1:30:29 Matt: "Kerrek now wanders in, very hungover."

1:30:32 Percy: "Good morning."

1:30:34 Pat: "Yeah… Very… Yeah… I look every bit as old as I am."

1:30:42 Grog: "Yeah! Swamp ass!"

1:30:46 Pike, cheerily: "Hey!"

1:30:48 Grog: "Are we not…?

1:30:52 Keyleth: "Swamp ass?"

1:30:52 Pike: "I remember!"

1:30:52 Percy, looking confused: "I don't remember, what?"

1:30:54 Pike: "He was talking about his butt getting sweaty."

1:30:57 Percy, hazily recalling it: "Oh. That got weird, didn't it?"

1:31:00 Pike: "It happens."

1:31:01 Percy grimaces like he's still trying to come to terms with the morning, and probably hung over.

1:31:03

#critical role #transcript #Ep84 #critical role transcript #critical role ep 84 #CRT-Ep

36 notes · View notes

critrolestats · 7 years

Text

Quick Answers 47

Just a quick correction to the Cabal’s Ruin. If I remember correctly when it awoke when Percy critted it was stated that Percy can add the dice AFTER the hit now instead of requiring to call the charges before the attack. Which is a subtle update but an update.

Nope, it’s always been that way! Matt clarified it in Episode 79 (2:22:27).

Do you have the awakened stats of [vestige]? What about [character attribute]?

Contrary to popular belief, we generally don’t get insider knowledge on character stats or items. Almost everything we know is a result of good old-fashioned detective work. If it’s been confirmed by a cast member, we’ll say so. If an item or ability is never shared or rarely used, well, not much of a trail to go on, right?

What episode is that one Liam O’Brien meme face from?

Episode 60 (2:33:40).

Re: the boots of haste: you say Vax can do more damage when he uses sneak attack, but Vax can only use sneak attack once per turn, and he's always used it at the top of his turn. So sneak attack damage shouldn't factor in, should it?

If he uses his bonus and normal actions to cast a spell and hide and then attacks, he will get Sneak Attack. In the future, if you would like a better chance of receiving a timely response to a question, you will need to ask it non-anonymously.

I know you said you aren’t taking requests that require a full-series rewatch, but--

Good, we’re glad you know that we aren’t taking full-show rewatch requests! Consider asking for a request that could be accomplished in 10 episodes or fewer!

Which guests have been on the most? My friend says Will and Mary, but hasn't Rothfuss been on more now?

By this point, yes, Patrick has been on a total of 6 episodes. For future reference, we make all of that information public on our Running Times chart.

Looking to know what the name of Percy's scarves are.

The long neck scarves weren’t given names. They’re just fancy scarves.

I don't suppose you happen to know what style of coat Percy wears? I want to make a cosplay of him.

The official art by Kit and Wendy are great places to start for inspiration, as is the show intro. Beyond that, check out all the fan art. Taliesin has said that Percy has more than one coat, so you have room for artistic license!

Does Matt allow Grog to use with Great Weapon Master on the Dwarven Thrower?

As was the case with the Firebrand Warhammer, they have house ruled that GWM can be used when he wields the Dwarven Thrower melee, but not when it is thrown (Ep83, 2:46:39).

Just wanted to say the Minor Speculation page could use a bit of updating.

As a note, we do not make a habit of updating prior posts like that one from September. By not updating those, we try to ensure that people who aren’t fully caught up on the show can read posts about the episode that originally aired around that time without worrying about being spoiled.

How many times have you guys at CRStats been referenced on the show or Talks Machina?

We’ll be honest, while the idea entertains us, we’d feel a little weird about tracking mentions of us.

Can you add a new stat? I would like like to know the approximate Alpha + Twitch live viewership for each session.

As we answered previously: We cannot; we’re so busy during the livestream that we can’t track it. We previously reached out to Geek & Sundry, but they, understandably, keep their analytics private.

#critical role #quick answers #quick answers 47 #grog strongjaw #great weapon master #dwarven thrower #percy de rolo #will friedle #mary elizabeth mcglynn #patrick rothfuss #vax'ildan #liam o'brien #60 heredity and hats #cabal's ruin #79 thordak

41 notes · View notes

punkrockgenasiashton · 7 years

Text

random, contradicting, but my opinions about last night’s Critical Role:

- I still am totally of the mind that Vax made the right decision to try to halt Raishan’s ritual with Thordak’s body in Ep 79. We all saw how strong yet weak she was in her diseased form. Diseased or not she’s still a ridiculously strong spell caster, but the soul curse seems to have an impact on her strength and HP, which is why even injured and sorta spell depleted VM was able to push her to the brink in Thordak’s lair. Even if she was just trying to get the cure for her Soul Curse,(which I still think is total bullshit, she definitely wants something else) preventing that was worth the risk, especially with (in Vax’s mind) his allies “10 seconds behind.”

- That said, Scanlan was totally right to call him out for his rash actions. Vax and Vex (and later Keyleth) where undermanned to go into that fight without all their allies present. Scanlan was not there to see that Raishan was attempting to mess with Thordak’s corpse/soul and has every right to be upset that Vax’s actions essentially led Scanlan’s death, Vex’s death, and the near death of many other party members.

- That said though, Scanlan went about it in totally the wrong way. Yes that was a conversation that had to happen, and yes the sooner it happened the better. But to call Vax out in front of everybody like that with such vitriol as misdirection to get everybody away from the fact that he had just passed out from using drugs is...sorta gross. Like, we know Scanlan can be a deceptive and manipulative mother fucker, but up until this point it’s mostly been for laughs or to help VM in some fashion. This time he’s manipulating and deceiving his friends by making one feel like shit and trying to get the rest to be mad at that one friend to hide his own bad decisions.

- Before last night I’ve never had issues with Scanlan’s use of Modify Memory. To my knowledge he’s only cast it 4 times now. 1. To give Percy a false memory of the Feywild so that Vex would be able to retain her title. The memory he planted was funny and played for laughs, but at the end of the day, it was him trying a new spell in a relatively harmless fashion while also helping a friend. 2. To have Tooma forget that VM (and every essential NPC of their campaign) are hiding out at Whitestone and changing it to Emon after slipping and revealing that information. Again, covering his own mistake, but covering a mistake that could’ve cost the lives of 1,000s and covering it in a way that could’ve resulted in Vorugal attacking Emon. 3. Kima. Now this one is the most morally gray for me. One the one hand, Kima is an absolute ally and seemingly good person. On the other, they agreed with Raishan to not tell ANYBODY that Raishan is in Whitestone under threat of anybody told (and possibly the city) being destroyed if Raishan was to find out. So I think trying to erase Kima’s knowledge of a Conclave member in Whitestone was...understandable. Not right, not wrong, but understandable. Kima’s reaction was also completely understandable and appropriate. 4. Jarret last night. Much like my last point (forever ago...shit this got long), this is Scanlan manipulating a friend and ally. Not just manipulating them, but literally changing their mind for his own personal gain. Not just that, but changing Jarret’s mind to make him do something he’s clearly uncomfortable doing. Like attempting to guilt Vax as misdirection to hide his bad decisions that’s just all sorts of fuckign gross.

- If Vax’s letter was about what I think it was about (Vax and Scanlan’s discussion about finding happiness vs dwelling on the shittiness of a situation) Scanlan’s ripping it up at the end of the episode is all sorts of sad. Like, don’t get me wrong, a lot of Scanlan’s actions last night were reprehensible. But I also think they speak of a breaking (or broken) man. Whether he ripped it up because he feels betrayed/mistreated by Vax after Vax’s actions led to his death or because he doesn’t believe what he said to Vax during that initial conversation...Scanlan’s hurting right now and he’s desperate to not be anymore and he’s acting on that desperation in a way that is unacceptable and will lead to somebody getting hurt if he doesn’t stop or if somebody doesn’t help him.

- That brings me to the saddest thing I pulled from last night’s episode...Scanlan’s a really good liar. He’s also very good at hiding his emotions. Hell, I feel like he’s been in this downward spiral since they found Tiberius body (same episode where he had to cast modify memory on Tooma and right before the Fusaka incidents of Marquet) and the only time anybody has noticed it (at least in character) is when he and Vex had that quick little “I’ve had an off city” conversation when Laura rolled really well on an insight check and Sam rolled poorly on a deception. Other than that, outside of metagaming or Jarret going to another member of VM to explain to them that he and Scanlan have come to this agreement where Jarret gets Scanlan a continuous supply of Suude (thanks to the modify memory spell) unless they get really lucky and Sam rolls a 1 on a future deception check to hide it from him, getting Scanlan that help may not happen in time, his behavior may cost them well before they notice it.

- As much as it is a risk, Long Resting was the right decision. Yes, Raishan will get her spells back, but we all remember the Umbersyl fight, Dragons can regain most of their HP over a short rest. Letting a Dragon short rest and attacking them with very limited offensive spells and next to no healing spells is dangerous. With their new flying carpet, capable of carrying Grog apparently, their heaviest melee guy can now get into close combat even if Raishan gets airborne, plus the whole Dancing Sword, so I’m very excited for this showdown.

- Few other small things: Allura in battle you guys (if anybody is still reading). I’m so excited. Allura pounding the Sand Keg like it’s nothing and then slowly slipping into drunkeness while the much larger Ker goes straight to unintelligibility was fantastic. I think Matt missed out on a potentially Gals Being Pal(adin)s scene by not having Kima run and hug tackle Allura “on screen” (we all know it happened “off screen”) Laura Bailey is an improv goddess. The whole bathhouse scene was just phenomenal. I laughed so hard. Same with the Deck of Many Things and Travis/Grog. Oh man, that was so good. He got so lucky it was The Key and not like...The Void or The Idiot or The Fool Finally: Ker really grew on me this episode. I started last night with a (since deleted) post where I said “if I have to hear ‘ya knooow’ one more time when somebody asks Ker/Patrick a direct gameplay/rp question I may scream” but as the game went on and Patrick got more comfortable getting involved in the actual narrative of the game instead of just essentially being an NPC with a player attached to it I immediately changed my opinion of him. More narratively engaged Ker in the future please and thank you.

#Critical Role #CR Spoilers

51 notes · View notes