#period anon shenanigans

[bobfloydsbabe]

so you’re telling me anon has a problem with you talking about your oc’s periods but didn’t have a single complaint regarding the source material for them, which happens to be a military propaganda movie with confirmed kills AND a character disobeying orders time and time again, when military folks have already said they think said character shouldn’t even have his wings by this point? that is what does it for you, anon? the only type of blood shed with no violence whatsoever? something we, people with uteruses, have to deal with monthly? something helena, the owner of this blog, has to go through several days a month, very painfully so? do yourself a favor and go touch some grass, anon.

lyra

Right? Make it make sense. I understand that not everyone is comfortable discussing or reading about periods, which is fine. I went back and added a trigger and content warning in the tags for that specific reason, but coming into my inbox to police what I write about my OCs is not okay. Get the fuck out of here with that.

Periods aren't disgusting, unnatural, or something to be kept a secret. They happen to people with uteruses monthly, and like you said, I get really bad periods myself. If I want to talk about them, I will. Also, I answered by talking about birth control and the side effects of having your period, not the actual thing.

This is not the turn I thought this would take, but here we are. I hope you know that you didn't make me uncomfortable and that you're always welcome to talk to me about anything related to periods.

[kadythethief]

go outside and find ur dad who doesnt love u

y-you too <3

[janeyseymour]

Fix This Mess Before You Lose Me

hello! an anon asked for this!

summary: your harbored feelings for a certain redhead make themselves known. she flat out rejects you, but she realizes how egregiously she's screwed up once you start distancing yourself from her. she has to fix this mess.

WC: ~3.95k

You’ve been working at Willard R. Abbott Elementary for the last… three years. And genuinely, you love teaching here. 

The kids are… well, they’re kids. They have their moments of being little shits, as all kids are from time to time, but they have a rich appreciation for what you teachers provide, and they understand just how hard you all work to keep them afloat. You go above and beyond to make sure that they are well cared for both inside and outside of the school, and that does not get past them. You’ve had kids tell you that you are their hero, that you’re like a second parent to them, that they hope to be like you when you grow up. You know you made the right choice teaching in an underfunded district and area because you are genuinely making the biggest difference in some of these kiddos’ lives- and that is all you could’ve ever hoped for. 

But aside from the kids, you absolutely adore your colleagues. Ava, although she’s always up to some sort of shenanigans that you have to help get her out of, truly does what she thinks is best for these kids- even if it’s not necessarily something you would take out of the principal handbook. Mr. Johnson, one of history’s biggest enigmas as far as you and most of your coworkers are concerned, is a giant part of Abbott’s history and culture. Jacob Hill, the dorky middle grades teacher who has somehow made his way into the elementary group, is always the first to offer you something when you aren’t feeling well- as long as it’s natural and herbal. Gregory Eddie, although perhaps the most quiet of the group, has a kind soul and shows you that he cares for you rather than speaking it. Janine Teagues, the upbeat second grade teacher who practically bounces everywhere she goes, is always so excited to see you and makes you feel seen and heard. Barbara Howard, perhaps the classiest lady that you have ever met, is always there to pick you up when you need it. And Melissa Schemmenti? While she loves to give off that she is a hard ass, mob-like woman, she has a heart of gold underneath all of the leather and eyeliner. She made you prove yourself upon signing your contract with the district, but once she deemed you worthy, you were stuck to her like glue. She makes sure you are well fed (providing you with a homemade Schemmenti meal almost every day), she is always asking if you need any copies made (under the guise of getting Ashley out of her room), there’s always a fresh cup of coffee for you when you need it (she’ll always claim that she needed it too, just a coincidence), and you genuinely think that if it came to it she would take a bullet for you.

If you’re being really honest with yourself, you find yourself attracted to the second grade teacher that you share a wall with. Sure, she’s hot as hell- you can’t deny that- but what you’re really attracted to is her personality. You love when you both have your doors open and you can hear her praising her students. You love when you both come out and simply stand next to each other, both with steaming hot mugs of coffee in your hands, to greet your children in the morning. You swoon when she leans against your doorframe and knocks with her signature knock to get your attention during prep periods. It’s the way that she always seems to know when you need a break, because she can hear the tension in your voice when one of your kids is testing you, and she comes over to ‘ask for a cup of coffee’ and tells you that she’ll stand in between both doorframes if you wouldn’t mind running down and getting it for her. You love the way that she is fiercely protective over those who are in her circle, and you are included in that.

So yeah, it’s safe to say that the feelings that you harbor for the fiery redheaded second grade teacher are quite strong. And for the most part, she seems to reciprocate them. The relationship that the two of you have isn’t at all like her and Barbara, who are like two peas in a pod and are as Ava puts it, “heterosexual work wives for life”. It isn’t the like her relationship with Janine in the way that she is like the chaotic wine aunt with Barbara being Janine’s mother. She’s much like Jacob’s aunt too. And it isn’t like her relationship with Gregory, which you don’t see much of but you know is a strong one. It’s more… domestic, soft, loving.

And it’s gotten to a point that you see her outside of school now too- she enjoys going shopping with you- something that she apparently only used to do with Barbara. You and the redhead lesson plan together at local coffee shops because you’re on the same team, but those coffee shop dates never have Janine involved despite the fact that she’s also on your team. She loves making dinner with you while the two of you split a bottle of wine. 

And that’s exactly where you’re at now: on her front step, clad in a pair of joggers and a frumpy jean jacket with a bottle of champagne in your hand to celebrate the fact that you were both able to complete your report cards for the marking period in time. There are butterflies in your stomach as she opens the door, and you can’t help but smile as she wears an outfit that is similar to yours.

“Hey, hun,” she smiles at you as she nods her head. Her eyes go up and down at your figure. “C’mon in. I have the stroganoff started, so all you have to do is sit your pretty little self down while I make you a fantastic meal.”

You playfully roll your eyes at her comment but follow her inside. She sets the champagne flutes next to you as you expertly pop it and pour the glasses. You raise yours up, as does she.

“To a weekend of no grading and worrying about getting report cards in,” you sigh happily.

“To us,” is all she says, but it makes your heart absolutely melt.

She finishes up dinner while the two of you chat about your days and the absolutely ridiculous things that your kids said and did today.

(“Dylan said, ‘Oh, what the fuck?’ when he was trying to read his book and sounding out the word wasn’t helping,” you snort.

“You think that’s bad?” Melissa turns to you. “Kenneth decided he needed a haircut as we were packing up. It’s a miracle I got home in time to make dinner.”)

It’s plated before you know it, and the meal in front of you smells absolutely delicious. Once you’ve both cleared your plates, you find yourself on the couch again- the one that you got her to finally take the ridiculously uncomfortable plastic cover off of- as she feeds you cannolis.

It’s so warm and soft… and with the bit of liquid courage that you have from the champagne, you lean in and kiss her.

But when you expect her to kiss back, she doesn’t. You pull away, and she’s frozen, eyes wide with shock.

“Y/N?”

“I-” you blush. “I thought that- I- I have feelings for you, and I thought that with everything that we’ve been doing, you had feelings for me, and I- I’m sorry. I guess I misinterpreted.”

“Uh, yeah,” she states rather bluntly. “You did.”

You sigh and stand. “I’ll see myself out.”

“No, hun, you don’t have-”

“No, I know when my presence isn’t wanted or when I need to head out, and now is one of those moments,” you state as you grab your things and practically run for the door. You close it and are in your car before she can do anything. She’s about to reach for the door knob when she sees you peel out of her driveway.

You don’t know how you make it home. It’s pouring buckets outside, and the tears that started to fall once you pulled out of your coworker’s driveway only continue to flow. You curl up in bed after mixing yourself a rather strong drink, and you cry. You mourn the loss of a wonderful friendship and a rejection from possibly the most beautiful person on the planet.

You spend the weekend in bed, ignoring any and all communication from the outside world- including the text from Melissa apologizing for her reaction, and she hopes nothing changes between the two of you.

Come Monday, you entirely pull back, changing your morning routines as much as you hate to do that. You do not want to have to see the second grade teacher who practically laughed in your face when you told her you had feelings for her. You show up to work as early as possible, throw your lunch in the refrigerator and head out as soon as you can to just narrowly avoid the redhead. You forgo hanging out in the staff lounge to catch up on some work that you would usually do in the comfort of Melissa’s home while she makes you dinner. You keep your door closed and your lights off while you prepare for the students, and when it’s time for them to start trickling in is when you finally open your door. You usually stand outside your door to greet your kids, but doing that means you would see the woman that you are actively avoiding- so you stay inside. You don’t dare to head out of your classroom until you see her class pass you for special, and then when you make your way back to your classroom, you close and lock the door. During your lunch period, you absolutely book it in and out of the room, acting as though you’re on the phone to avoid any sort of confrontation from the other teachers. And you’re out of the building at the end of the day before anyone can find you or say anything.

“Have you seen Y/N?” Barbara asks her best friend.

“No,” the redhead shrugs. “She’s been pretty out of sight today.” She isn’t willing to admit just yet that she’s the reason you are avoiding everyone. She isn’t ready for the speech that Barbara will no doubt give her about how she should’ve been more sensitive towards you and your feelings- she’s well aware that she didn’t handle the situation properly. She also knows that sometimes you need a day when your feelings are too big for your body to handle. So she doesn’t seek you out. 

She half-expects you to show up at dinner that night, and she does end up making extra in case you do show. You don’t. For the first time on a Monday in a long time, she ends up eating dinner alone. And it’s… not a pleasant feeling. She finds that she misses being able to decompress with you like she usually does. She really misses it.

Melissa has a half a mind to text you, but you hadn’t answered her text over the weekend. She doubts you’ll answer this one.

Still, she sends, Missed having you over for dinner tonight.

You see that text and wonder why she’s taunting you. She rejected you, especially the way that she did, and she still expected you over for dinner? You knew she was crazy, but not that crazy. 

That week passes, and you do everything in your power to avoid her and her friends. It just hurts too much. 

Finally, the following week, Janine seeks you out while you’re putting your lunch away- or rather, she stumbles upon you. She has her hands filled, but that doesn’t stop her from smiling in your direction.

“Hey, Y/N!” the second grade teacher that didn’t reject you grins. “Where have you been lately?”

You shrug. “Just have a lot of stuff going on at the moment.”

“Well, when it starts to dwindle down, you should really start hanging out with us again! We miss you and all the spunk you bring to the group.”

You have to laugh at that. You don’t know what spunk she’s talking about. You hardly say anything when you’re with them because you can’t get a word in between her and Jacob. You mostly just take it all in, and occasionally you add a snarky comment, getting head nods of approvals or full out belly laughs from the two veteran teachers that you used to love spending time with. 

“Yeah,” you hum noncommittally. You know you won’t ever be a part of that group again. “Well, I gotta go get some work done.”

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday pass as the prior week had for you. But on Wednesday, as you’re leaving, Barbara corners you.

“Sweetheart, where on Earth have you been?”

“Busy,” you tell her quietly as you continue to gather your various bags. 

She raises a brow. “Doing?”

“Schoolwoork really started piling up on me,” you say softly. “And I’ve been applying to graduate schools… and other jobs.”

“Other jobs?” she asks you, clearly shocked. “I thought you loved it here.”

“I do,” you mumble. “But I don’t know how much longer I can work here.”

“And why would that be?”

You purse your lips, but you don’t respond. You just simply give her a shrug of your shoulders as you avoid eye contact.

“Y/N, can I tell you what I’ve been observing?” at your nod, she continues. “Something happened last weekend… between you and Melissa, I’m assuming?”

You nod slowly.

“So you’ve been avoiding all of us,” the kindergarten teacher states. “Because you believe that we are Melissa���s friends and not yours. You assume that leaving her alone and distancing yourself from her will be better than continuing on as you have.”

Again, you nod.

“But what I’ve observed from my work wife is that she’s angry. She’s upset that you’re avoiding her. She misses you.”

“Maybe she shouldn’t have laughed in my face when I told her I had feelings for her,” you mutter, not thinking the veteran teacher heard you. You clear your throat before speaking more clearly. “I’m sorry- I’ve just been busy. I haven’t been avoiding her.”

“You have, and we both know it,” Barbara clicks her tongue. “She and I spoke about what happened at lunch today, and-”

“She told the group?”

“She only told me when I cornered her to ask her why you haven’t been around and why she’s been pitching a damn fit at Janine lately.”

“What do you mean she’s pitching a fit at Janine?” you furrow a brow.

Barbara smirks and crosses her arms over her chest. “It means that Janine mentioned talking to you the other day, and Melissa is jealous she caught you before she could.”

“She can get over it,” you sigh. “I have to go, Barb. Have a nice night.” You brush past her as she flounders for her words, and then she’s heading into Melissa’s room.

“Why did you reject her?” Barbara asks softly.

Melissa shrugs. “I- I’m me… I’m a none-your-business year old woman, and she’s so young. She’s gorgeous- and I know I tell everyone I’m a Philly eleven, but you and I both know that’s me hiding my insecurities about my looks and body. I just… if I thought if I gave into my feelings for her and then she left, I would be a wreck- it’s just not worth the risk.”

“Tell me something,” the kindergarten teacher asks. “Do you really think she would leave you? That girl practically worships the ground that you walk on and follows you around with puppy dog eyes.”

“I don’t know,” the redhead sighs quietly. “I just… don’t have much to offer. She has the rest of her life ahead of her to settle down, get married, have kids if she wants. I can only offer her two of those things.”

“I know for a fact Y/N isn’t deadset on getting married or having kids, and I know she would want to settle down with you,” Barbara tuts. “I think she’s worth the risk for you, Melissa. And if you don’t come to a conclusion quick, you may lose her anyway and be a wreck anyway.”

“I don’t know,” the second grade teacher mumbles. “All I’ll tell you is if you don’t act quick, she’s going to transfer, and you’ll lose her forever.” And then Barb turns on her heel and exits the classroom. “Think about it!” she calls over her shoulder.

Of course, those words throw Melissa for a loop. The redhead doesn’t want to lose you forever. She grabs her bags and books it to her car. She knows what she has to do. She stops at the wine store and picks up your favorite bottle before heading to the grocery store and picking up a beautiful bouquet of flowers. She’s pulling up to your townhouse before she knows it. With shaking hands, she grabs the flowers and wine and knocks on your front door. 

You open it, not quite sure who to expect- it might be Barbara, it could even just be the mailman. But no. It’s Melissa.

You sniffle quietly, refusing to make eye contact with her. “You come to laugh in my face some more?”

“No,” she says softly as she holds out the flowers and wine for you. “I came to apologize and grovel, and beg you to stop avoiding me.”

“I’m not avoiding you,” you sigh as you lean against the door, folding your arms over you chest- you won’t take the bouquet and bottle. “I’m just… slowly fading myself out of the school.”

“Please don’t do that,” she whispers, and you swear you hear the low voice crack just slightly. “Please. You’re the best we have at Abbott.”

“I can go be the best at another local school,” you breathe. “I love the kids, but I know I’ll love the kids anywhere I go, and I won’t feel terrible with my coworkers like I do right now.”

“Y/N,” Melissa pleads. “Please.”

“What?” you bite back, and you can’t help but feel a little bad at the way she flinches at your sharp voice. “Why would I stay and feel the awful rejection everyday? Please explain to me why I would stay and grovel when I could go somewhere else where I won’t feel like an absolute idiot for falling for-”

She cuts you off, throwing the bottle of wine and the bouquet of flowers on your couch by the front door, before grabbing you and kissing you deeply.

You push her away. “Don’t. You already rejected me, and I made my peace with it. Don’t do this because you want me to stay at Abbott.”

“Y/N, hun,” Melissa starts, but you cut her off.

“I’m sorry, but you don’t get to call me hun anymore,” you state. 

She nods dejectedly. “Y/N, I’m not doing this because I just want you to stay at Abbott… I mean, I do want you to stay at Abbott, but that’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why are you?”

“Because… I was an idiot to reject you the other night, and I was rude the way I did it. The truth is…” she scratches the back of her head as she tries to think of how she’s going to confess her feelings to you. “The truth is: I have feelings for you too. I always have. But I buried them so far down because I thought that you would never reciprocate those feelings-”

“So when I kissed you and told you that I had feelings for you, that wasn’t clear enough?” you raise a brow.

“-I thought that you would never reciprocate those feelings,” she repeats. “I also thought that if we ever did decide to date, because of my track record with relationships, it would end in flames. And I would never want anything with you to end up in flames.”

“I’d say this past week did,” you retort. 

“Will you stop with the snarky comments and just let me try to explain myself?!” the redhead snaps a little.

You roll your eyes but gesture for her to continue.

“I would be destroyed if whatever we have between us was ruined,” she says softly. “And… if I’m being honest, I was hesitant because of my own self-doubt. I- I haven’t had great relationships in the past- ended up in divorce and a failed proposal. I know I say that I’m a Philly Eleven, but I’m masking the insecurities I have over my looks when I know that you are the true Philly Eleven at Abbott. I- I don’t have much to offer. I don’t go out and party, I don’t want to get married, I’m past the age of having kids of my own… but you? You’re a gorgeous woman with a good head on your shoulders and your whole life ahead of you. All I can offer is some damn good food and wine, and maybe a trivia night here or there if I’m not exhausted and overstimulated from my kids.”

“So you came here to tell me why you could never date me?” you ask.

“I came here to swallow my pride and tell you that even with all of my hesitations and doubts, I’m willing to take the risk and jump… for you,” she bites her lip and looks to you nervously. “If you’re still willing to have me.”

“I-” you unfold your arms and open them. She’s embracing you immediately, and you cling to her as though she’s all that’s holding you to this earth. When you pull back though, you’re frowning.

“So… I guess this is where I accept that after I rejected you, you reject-”

You roll your eyes and press your lips to hers gently. When you pull away, you tell her what you’ve been up to for the past week and a half. “I did apply to other schools in the area… I have an interview tomorrow after work.”

“Cancel it. Stay at Abbott where you belong. Stay with me,” she says quickly. “Please.”

You nod. “Well, come in,” you tell her. “If I’m going to be cancelling this interview, I’m gonna need a nice Schemmenti meal and some wine to get up the courage to email them a ‘regretful’ apology that I’ve decided that I’m right where I belong.”

Come the next day, Melissa drives the two of you into work. You resume what you missed so much the last week- your usual morning routine. You make the coffee while she puts your lunches away, and then she fixes the coffee as you turn on the television to watch the morning news. When everyone else trickles in, they’re delighted to be graced with your presence again. 

“All caught up on your work?” Janine grins as she takes a seat on one of the couches.

You smile back at her from your place next to Melissa. “Yeah, something like that.”

Only Barbara knows the real reason that you’re back to hanging out with your school crew- and she can’t wait to hear about all of the juicy gossip after school today when her and Melissa go shopping in the clearance section of the mall. She smiles to herself as she sips her coffee and gives her work wife a head nod in approval of her decisions.

[merakiui]

MERAAAAAA 😇😇😇

IVE BEEN ENGRAVING THIS IDEA OF EBB AND FLOW SEQUEL BUT WITH JADES PART!??!?!?!?!?×?×?@?@?×@?!!?! AND ALSO READER KIND OF GETTING ALONG WITH HER STEPBROS SHENANIGANS AND COMPLETELY FORGETS AZULS EXISTENCE.

Like who needs azul when your big bros are there to help you with your womanly things that happens monthly like omg

*sobs violently*

ANON....... anon, please don't tempt me...... the urge to write a part two with Jade's side is so strong omg,,,, illustrating the lore between Jade and Reader. >:D while Floyd was being a brat and a bully, Jade was being his strange, whimsical self. T_T ooooo sleepover with your stepbrothers and Azul, and you all get high and watch movies. Floyd and Azul end up falling asleep, but you and Jade are still awake,,,, maybe you're on your period and it leads to Jade eating you out beneath the covers while you're digging your nails into his scalp to keep him between your legs!!!!! orz poor Azul who wakes up and has to lie still and pretend like he isn't listening to his crush of 10+ years getting fucked by her stepbrother. >_<

Aaaaa but it's cute to think about the Reader x Azul romance. 🥺 you were there when Azul was chubby and being bullied, and you always stood up for him. Maybe he developed a slight crush because you were one of the few people in his class who didn't look at him like he was utter garbage, but he forced it to go away because he was certain you'd never like him. AAAAAA OTL meanwhile you're head over heels for him, but you never say anything because you're too shy and also your annoying stepbrothers get in the way. Maybe you and Azul could have been high school sweethearts if it wasn't for the twins' meddling.

I also think it's so yummy to imagine the twins matching jewelry with you now that you have your navel pierced, but it will only be for their eyes. >:D Azul who sees your piercing for the first time and just knows it's the twins subtly leaving their mark on you.

There are so many silly things that can happen when your weird stepbrothers are pining for you versus Azul whose love is just so sweet (albeit very overwhelming). Spending the day studying in your room with Azul and the twins want to join, but you lock them out. Floyd quite literally kicks the door down because there is no way they're leaving you and Azul alone in a locked room for hours on end. Papa Leech gave him an earful for that. >:/

The layers to the ebb and flow universe are essentially:

Floyb -> thinks he's going to be your first time.

Jade -> was actually your first time (in fact, he probably took most of your firsts before Floyd did and neither of you are aware of this).

Azul -> just trying to hold your hand and have a real date with you without the twins' annoying interference.

Reader -> wants one chance with Azul, but your stepbrothers aren't going to allow that.

[sgiandubh]

He's a grown man, not a boy. He also didn't do anything. Blaming him for being manipulative is unnecessary. He posted nothing, and he said nothing. This was not Hawaii 2.0. If those across the street had something going on in their life, instead of spending all their time searching across the internet for women he's acquainted with to harrass, we'd all be better off. In a lot of ways, some shippers are just as bad as antis, always at the ready to call him names and tell him to grow up. As old timers around here say time and time again: wait awhile, and things make sense.

Dear Blaming Anon,

I hope you realize I call S The Boy with my very own & personal brand of sarcastic (but deep) tenderness. Perhaps I was unclear or you have not seen the pictures of myself I have repeatedly posted around (one of my best decisions ever!), but unlike many in here, I am just two years older than S. That allows me to have a completely chilled out perspective (really!) and a less alarmist eye on some shenanigans (nothing I have not heard of people, well, our age, LOL).

Why would you infer I blamed him for anything is beyond me. I was merely stating the obvious: a clearly staged away match, with a script delivered via Inbox by PR and spun by the Chorus. Might I remind you, comfortable watcher, that Anon who tried to intimidate me, because I clearly hit many nerves around?

You can only blame someone if you consider he or she owes you something. Unlike many people here, I do not think These Two owe us anything at all. They do owe many things to Themselves, but that is another story and not mine to tell: I am not here for this, sorry.

It is true, he said nothing of his whereabouts. But he did post, may I remind you, the MPC Instalive that started the whole long-scripted ballet of humming, and shuffling and going to the dentist's (every time there is something to 'disclose') and delaying posting for US primetime (every time there is something to 'disclose'). I mean, LOL - the French call it comédie boulevardière and the Anglo-Saxons, vaudeville. In 2024, we call it Tumblr. By saying nothing, he conveniently let it flow and grow. Why? Because busy hands are happy hands.

Just like you, I am watching from the sidelines and find the plot wanting.

And that is all I will say for the moment. As I already suggested, I keep my little assassin ironies for the dénouement of this Jedi Duel in the making.

This difference between old timers and newbies will always make me smile. It reminds me of the internecine Communist skirmishes between the Illegals (many of the Eastern European Communist Parties were outlawed, in the Interwar period, primarily because they were infested with Soviet spies) and the Reformers (people born in the 1930s and 1940s and thus, lacking those 'aristocratic' credentials). If History serves, they both lost the propaganda war. Let's not make this same #silly mistake and keep united.

[schrodinger-swriter]

Platonic fizz(maybe some Ozzie if you want) x clown reader?

Platonic Fizz x Clown!Reader

Another Fizz request, hooray! I think him and Ozzie are probably my favorite characters from Helluva Boss.. I love their relationship, I love how they are on their own. House of Asmodeus is such a good song... their designs itch my brain in a good way. Chefs kiss.

I hope you enjoy, Anon!

You guys get to... some shenanigans that is for sure! He it because you think to do something funny while you two are out and about, or because Fizz was being harassed by a fan which led to you.. getting rather defensive...

There's never a dull moment when you two are together, is what I mean!

As stated in a similar post you and Fizz tend to gossip about things. He talks about some of the juicy drama he's heard of the other Sins through Ozzie, or some bullshit that went down at the club... Oh you know a few regulars by name, particularly the ones that cause issues after a few drinks..

You guys make bets. Who can juggle the most objects? Who can tell the best jokes? Who makes the best balloon animals? Things like that! Sometimes it might lead to you guys getting a little wild, but ultimately someone brings you two back down. That person usually being Ozzie.

You sometimes run into Fizz when he's out and about, inviting yourself to join him if he's not doing any work related thing. Sometimes you two can go for a long period of time without talking, juggling between Mammon's demands and spending his time with his partner, Fizz's time is crunched. It does get better after he quits, though.

You... don't act surprised when he tells you he and Ozzie are a couple. He really thought they were being stealthy...! Was it really that obvious?

[charlotte-official]

4/1/24 - 4/4/24.

a/n: salutations from the team working at the Steambird~ We're back with another issue, recounting all your favorite stories from April 1st to April 4th in the Teyvat space~

WELCOME OUR NEWEST TEAMMEMBER ARIAN!!! WOOHOO!!!! (@charnverite)

heyyy :333 teheehee.. new editor... i hope you like this.... rrrrr (also yes i think we're late on this one again) welcome @steambird-editor to the team,,? -Arian

“An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.”

This is a saying that most people would interpret as eating healthy foods(such as apples) prevent the need to have to visit a physician. However, it was proven that this saying can take on.. mildly different meaning.

  Tartaglia, 11th and last of the 11 Fatui Harbingers threw an apple at the 2nd Fatui Harbinger, il Dottore, otherwise known as “The Doctor.” Having seen the apple catapulting his way, Dottore accepted his fate, screaming, “AH FU-“

  Those were his last words before he evaporated.

  That’s right, 2nd of the Fatui Harbingers evaporated from having an apple thrown at him. You know what the “an apple a day, keeps The Doctor away.” One of the Doctor’s segments, Webttore, happened to be at the scene of crime, so the two simply stared at where Dottore once stood.

  Tartaglia soon turned to Webttore, asking if they would hold a funeral or throw a rock named after him into the sea. Webttore waved these suggestions off, and instead said that they’d name a bug after him and feed that bug to a lizard. And they do.

ft: @webttore-official @dottore-official @snezhnayain-carrot-top

  CERTAIN HAT WEARING VAHUMANA SCHOLAR BOMBARDED WITH BOOPS. (MUCH TO HIS DISMAY)

  While the overall reception towards the temporary function added for April Fool’s Day(booping) was widely well received, naturally there was some negative reaction. Hat Guy, a Vahumana Scholar who participated in Sumeru’s Interdarshan tournament, was one of which who was strongly against it. Upon receiving various boops, the scholar posted a statement demanding that the boops being directed towards him cease.

  In response, an anonymous user daringly enough sent him a simple “no <3”. The Akedemiya scholar was upset and threatened the user to stop, but the user continued to decline. Additionally, another anonymous user began booping Hat Guy as well through his ask inbox rather than via the literal button. As the scholar gradually lost anger, he dejectedly(though still upset) responded, continuously telling the anonymous users to get lost.

  Of course, it would’ve never been that easy, so the anons continued to reject the proposition of halting their shenanigans. In the end, one of the two ceased after 10 boops, while the other anon, who dubbed themself “no <3 anon”, continued to argue with the Vahumana scholar. What really got on Hat Guy’s nerves, however, was when no<3 anon decided to begin addressing him with sorts of pet names like “darls”.

  In the end, Hat Guy gave the anon a reminder of who really had the upper hand, as it was the anon who was delivering anonymous notes in HIS blog’s inbox. When the anon rejected the idea, Hat Guy kept the ask stuck in his inbox for a certain period of time rather than answering it, rather smugly commenting that the sound of someone being silenced was quite poetic.

ft: @the-wanderer-official (various anons)

  HARAVATAT SENIOR SCHOLAR AND VAHUMANA STUDENT: BACK TO BICKERING

  In the online Teyvatian space, old faces will remember the duo of Madam Faruzan and Hat Guy of Vahumana for their endless bickering. The two recently were found to have prolonged absences, but funnily enough, they both returned online at the same time. Upon return, the Haravatat senior announced her coming back.

  In response to Madam Faruzan’s announcement, the Vahumana student commented on her “tendency to be nosy and stick her head into situations which she is not part of,” and he asked her to take his “pesky” anons off of his hands, who were consistently “booping” him, as per the temporary feature for April 1st(much to his annoyance). Faruzan was not pleased with the snide comment and upsetedly asked if he had just called her nosy, and told him to keep his “problem children.” Hat Guy called her dense for having needing clarification for such.

  Later, feeling petty, Madam Faruzan would use the boop function as a way to annoy the Vahumana scholar. When Hat Guy confronted Faruzan for her obnoxious activity, saying that he wasn’t surprised but certainly curious, Madam Faruzan simply replied that she annoyed back those who annoyed her.

  ft: the-wanderer-official @faruzxn

  ANON DUBS SCHOLAR A TURKEY.

  Most people wouldn’t go up to strangers and call them turkeys. Scary anon would, though. An anon, whose roots come from nagging at a certain blonde architect to stay hydrated and healthy(refer to past steambird issues), called the senior scholar Madam Faruzan a Turkey.

  Madam Faruzan saw it incredibly unwarranted and was surprised that this anon she had never interacted with was suddenly referring to her as “a fat bird” as she put it. Mysteriously enough, Scary said she allegedly knew what she did. Madam Faruzan continued to deny as such.

  (All jokes, it turned out that it was Faruzan mod who was repeatedly using the boop mechanism for April fools and booping Scary.)

ft: faruzxn @scary-anon

  LIGHT OF KSHAREWAR HAS A REVELATION AFTER BEING ATTACKED BY BOOPS

  With the light of the April Fools boop function, another victim of serial booping just so happens to be the famed architect known for designing the Palace of Alcazarzaray. The architect, Kaveh, Light of Ksharewar, has quite the presence in the online space and is bombarded with boops.

  With the excessive quantity of boops he was receiving, the architect was naturally intimidated and pointed out a certain user who had been repetitively booping him(in fear). Perhaps surprised at the sudden shout out, the user admitted to being excited to interact with the architect.

  Kaveh, despite his prior frightened demeanor, was flattered by the user’s excitement who told him they loved his blog. In a moment of realization, the Light of Ksharewar came to the revelation that the user, and probably the rest of his blog’s followers preferred seeing him interact with Sumeru’s inhabitants and scream. This was incredibly depressing to the architect, who became mildly annoyed. The user sheepishly could only reply “Welllllllll…” Kaveh could only dramatically sigh and quickly ramble in between coughs, “PALACE OF ALCAZARZARAY COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THE PEOPLE CARE.”

  The user started to feel bad.

  ft: @kaveh-official (user in question ~ @just-sarah-xx)

  RESIDENT ELDRITCH HORROR THAT USUALLY TAKES ON THE FORM OF A BLACK CAT AND FAMOUS SUMERIAN ARCHITECT BOOP EACHOTHER.

  Adi though now commonly known as the Eldritch horror of a void cat, actually shares a history with the light of Ksharewar(refer to prior Steambird issues) and the two share a silly friendship. Heartwarmingly enough, despite the void cat being entangled in various conflicts and being relatively serious, Adi still is able to be silly with their friends. (As displayed by Adi and Kaveh following.)

  With the temporary addition of the booping mechanism presented for April Fools Day, Kaveh sent Adi various boops, and the two friends exchanged and shot back boops to eachother. In the end, Adi did end up strangling(metaphorically) the Light of Ksharewar with too many boops to counter, but the interaction was wholesome overall.

ft: @adi-cat-anon kaveh-official

  WOW, THE FATUI MUST DEFINITELY LIKE GIVING OUT BOOPS.

article written by team member arian(@steambird-editor) and edited by charlotte~

During the surge perhaps now being able to be formally labeled as "the booping incident", the overall reception was positive, feelings towards the mechanism being that of silliness and enjoyment of being able to boop friends and otherwise.

Addition to the positive reactions, there must also be negative but unsuspecting reactions to the "booping". Just like how the Light Of Ksharawar was alarmed and frightened upon the booping. We'll gladly share some quotations from [April 1st] from The Light of Ksharawar.

"Hey- What- UH. What are.. boops..?? AND WHY DID I GET SO MANY."

"AAAAAAAAAAH (screaming out of fear of the boops)".

"THE FATUI ARE GIVING ME BOOPS. THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER".

As the light of Ksharawar gets booped somewhere else in Sumeru, Hat guy (who refers himself as 'Wanderer') gets booped aswell. By the Fatui just like the other. He does not seem to enjoy it very much. But who would? It is the fatui afterall. (He basically yells at them to get out)

I would mention some of his quotations, but I believe they would be.. too threatening for this article, so I will refrain to add those quotations.

"You people would be better off spending your short time in this life doing anything else"

"Your tenacity is concerning and an annoyance"

"FATUI GET OUT OF MY NOTIFICATIONS"

  ft: the-wanderer-official, kaveh-official, @fatui-subordinates-official

[bobfloydsbabe]

Thank you for taking onboard my suggestion and for agreeing to implement it in future. It's nice of you x

Hi again, Anon. Just so we're clear, you asked me to stop writing/talking about periods, which I absolutely will not do. I'll continue to talk about it because it's normal and not too much information, as you said. I'd argue there's not enough accurate period info, but that's a discussion for another day.

I will use trigger and content warnings in the future, so people who have those tags blocked won't see that content from me.

[gabessquishytum]

Water spirit Dream anon here. Just wanna say Im LOVING the yes anding on that one it feels amazing like when people love your dish at a potluck. Anyway Ive just had the most Week of all time punctuated by my period coming and I would like to wallow so lemme just sneak in here.

After Hob's return to the Dream Pool or whatever, he's like holy shit I have children! And a spouse? And they live fucking outside!!!! I haven't cooked one meal!! Haven't changed a single diaper!! Haven't rubbed even a single sore foot! I'm a terrible husband and provider ;-; he's so upset bc he's basically by his own definition a deadbeat and he always wanted to be the BEST dad and husband. And Dream is like I am a spirit. Your children are half spirit. We are literally nature elementals. We belong outside. We do not eat meals as such. And as for bad husband, well. Coming home to fuck and then fucking off to do your thing is kind of the divine relationship norm. And Hob is like well theyre also half human so we need a HOUSE. And good luck getting rid of me now bc I'm not leaving for the rest of forever, I'm gonna make up for lost time with my babies. What are their names.

So Hob builds a small house to live in near Dream and enjoys very much his new family. The kids are indeed half spirit, so they grow faster and a little stranger than Hob's used to with Human kids, but they're his, and he loves them. He's also absolutely smitten with Dream, now that he's actually gotten to know him. His little house expands into a large temple built into the mountainside, with a large courtyard and Dream's pool in the center of it. Eventually Dream asks Hob if he really meant what he said about staying forever. He could share his divinity with him and tie him to Dream's pool, only able to drink from there and nowhere else. He'd live forever, with Dream. And of course that sounds wonderful :)

Long after their progeny are grown and out upholding their fathers' legacies, Hob stays as the priest and caretaker of Dream's temple. They fuck happily for forever after.

Ahhh water spirit anon! So glad you've been enjoying all the shenanigans <3

I looove Hob being a stand up dude, a provider, a Good Dad. I think that's very sexy of him. So of course he's upset and worried when he finds out that he's got kids and he hasn't contributed anything to their lives except his stinky human dna!! He feels terrible because if his kids are half human then surely they need someone to help them learn human things, and he hasn't even started doing that! Dream is amused and rather confused by Hob’s stress but tries to soothe him as best he can. There's plenty of time to teach the children. They're still basically babies, they don't need to learn how to light fires or anything yet.

Still, Hob essentially stays up for 24 hours to build a house. And Dream has admit that it's nice and cozy, while still being close enough to the water for his comfort. Hob makes tables and chairs and a bed (Dream is very interested in this) and toys for the little ones, and becomes a very happy stay at home dad. The kids are weird and beautiful but very much Hob’s kids (they drive Dream mad with their stubbornness and knack for getting into trouble). And they are also so loved.

Hob is more in love with Dream than ever by the time they get around to getting officially "married" - Hob gets the immortality and the responsibility of taking care of Dream’s temple, which he was doing anyway. He still can't believe that Dream chose him. Occasionally they relive the first time by fucking in the pool, and Hob will bounce Dream on his cock and praise every aspect of him: mind, body, soul. Sometimes Dream pretends like he's a human and they go to bed in the house Hob built. Dream wants to wait a couple of centuries before he bears more children, and Hob will wait patiently - next time, he'll be there to watch Dream’s pregnancy. Probably a good thing he's immortal now, because seeing Dream full of his baby(s) might be enough to kill him <3

[ronkeyroo]

Hi! I'm the amalgamation of every soul who ever left any positive comment or piece of support on your art; past present or future. You had something you wanted to tell us?

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE ANON HNGHFN, You've left a conflicted, yet all the more warm smile on my face.

Each and every kind soul that shared their support and love with me throughout my struggles is an individual i want to cherish and thank personally ;_;) To cover everything with a blanket Thank you is always something I can do, and if im blessed by an abundance of people far greater in realistic measure to be able to thank individually - I will. But right now, i want to focus on recovering from my blockage, to learn to experience how its like to communicate with people again; Granted, i am going through such a hectic, stressful period in my life - That even that still proves to be a slow process, but its one im willing to put my heart and effort into whenever the time and energy rises for it ;A;

But alright alright, I WILL take the opportunity still!

Everyone, if there's anything I could tell you right now: Please... Imagine me extending out my dumb werewolf arms to hoist you all into a warm hug; my eyes starry and my lip quivering...MAKE SURE YOU STAY WARM THIS WINTER OKAY ITS FUCKING COLD ,GET YOURSELF A HEATBAG AND A CUTE PAIR OF FLUFFY SOCKS, DRINK PLENTY AND PISS PLENTY TOO OKAY, WHEN YOU DONT DRINK IT LITERALLY CREATES A STRESS RESPONSE IN THE BODY YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN BE AWARE OF AND THAT MESS FUCKS WITH YOU ESP IF YOU ALREADY DEALIN WITH SOMETHIN. I KNOW ITS TEDIOUS TO DRINK WATER ALL THE TIME SO JUST MIX IT UP WITH THINLY SLICED CUCUMBERS, MINT LEAVES, AND LEMON AND LEAVE THAT GOODINESS IN A BOTTLE OVERNIGHT, IT COMES OUT HELLA REFRESHING, TASTY, AND YOU GET DEM H20 INTO YOUR BODY WITHOUT IT BEING BORING. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BY BEING KIND TO YOUR BODY AND UR INNER SELF , nONE OF THAT SELF SACRIFICIAL/BERATING SHIT, YOU DON NEED THAT. And lastly - Thank you, thank you for being here to share in the joy, for loving my work and hyping me up whenever I upload ;_;) I keep repeating myself like that one red vox song from my spotify wrapped but i screw it ill say it again; I love being here with you all so much, and i couldn't have asked for a better platform for all of our silly, heartful and disastrous wonderful shenanigans ♥

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Dear Sex Witch, I have a rather embarrassing question. Back on Monday, I masturbated, which involved putting 4 silicone eggs up my vulva. I have been bleeding very lightly since. Is it possible that this heinous act of self-indulgence kickstarted my period? I have an IUD in, so my periods are irregular and light, and this could be it.

hi anon,

nope! your uterus doesn't know or care about what kind of sexual shenanigans you're getting up to; the only way your sex life can impact your menstrual cycle is if you get pregnant and it stops. if your period starts up right after sex that's a complete coincidence; the only correlation could lie in the fact that many people find their sex drive gets higher before and during menstruation, meaning the cause and effect is actually the other way around.

I do want to quickly touch on the idea that it's possible this isn't menstrual blood, and if that is the case I do have some concerns. I have no idea if 4 eggs is a lot for you, although your use of the phrase "heinous act of self indulgence" suggests that it might be. it's possible that some tearing could have taken place in your vaginal lining, which can happen during any kind of penetrative intercourse and usually heals itself. but since Monday is a long time, so if you're experiencing any unusual pains or the bleeding goes on longer than an irregular IUD period usually would, it may be a good idea to consult with a healthcare professional to make sure nothing is amiss.

[i-write-boop-spoops]

Volo as an expecting father! headcanons

Some more Volo for the blog! Thanks for the anon who requested this (though it was months ago so you probably forgot lol)

I decided to go with the more conventional route with this, instead of using god! Volo. Let's say this takes place post main story but pre-evil volo shenanigans

gn! reader, mild reference to sex (that baby had to happen somehow 👀), non-descript birth, angst if you really squint, pla spoilers, mentions of periods and pregnancy symptoms. Not proofread!

You start to feel ill one day in the spring

First you just thought it was some bug going around the village

But the puking, the aches, the tiredness, didn’t cease after a few days

The nurses in the galaxy hall were perplexed

Until one, with her cheeks a little pink and her gaze averted, asks when you had last bled

Nearly two and half months ago was your answer

The nurses all shared a glance

And it was then you knew

It’s not a total surprise

Your bond with Volo, was deep, intimate

You had given yourselves fully to each other, in every way possible

Except in marriage

And while you had tried to be careful

Your methods of avoiding such a fate… were not the best

Unfortunately, during this hectic time, Volo was off travelling, trading

Searching for plates, unbeknownst to you

So for those few frantic days

You keep to yourself, trying your best to take it easy

Unable to stop worrying about your uncertain future

When Volo returns to the village, he heads to your home first

A habit he has picked up since courting you

Immediately, he knows something is up

You’re nervous, a touch sickly, exhausted and afraid as you meet him at your door and lead him inside

He takes you into his arms and asks

“What’s troubling you my dear?”

Your eyes widen, and you look down at your feet

Shaking as you gather the courage to tell him the truth

“I’m… I’m with child Volo… your child,”

It’s his eyes’ turn to widen

He steps back, utterly shocked

He’s going to be a father?

Of course, he has imagined this before

Imagined you carrying his child, birthing them, raising them with love and care

In the world he has crafted to be beautiful and peaceful and happy

What does this development mean for his plan?

Agh, that’s not important right now

What is important is you, and your baby

He breaks into a big smile and hugs you tight

“That’s wonderful news!”

His (admittedly belated) positive reaction reassures you

And you embrace him in return

Those tears you expected to cry in sadness, now fall in tears of relief and excitement

Though you had already intended to

Getting married was now a top priority

Things were getting better, but a child out of wedlock was still somewhat of a taboo

So, not long after your announcement to Volo

You two are wed at the ancient retreat by Cogita

Your bump hidden under your kimono

It was a small, intimate, but tender ceremony

Enamorous was even present

Sure, upon your baby’s birth, some do the math to discover the scandalous date of conception

But seeing your sweet little family together, nobody minds

Volo continues traveling

After all, he still needs a way to support you

It’s difficult without him

Especially in the later months

Towards the end, you beg of him to stay in the village with you

Say you don’t know how you’ll cope without his presence

What if he misses the birth?

He’s hesitant at first

But if he is to be a father

And a good one at that

Sacrifices must be made

He takes to settling the affairs of the Ginkgo guild in the village

Overseeing shipments and trade

Still selling sometimes too

Knowing he is closeby is comfortimg

He smiles whenever he sees you walk past in the village

Grinning whenever you come up to him and pretend to be a customer

And tell him about your wonderful husband and your baby

He showers you with gifts

Always, always he has something for you or baby

Flowers, sweet food, clothing, a stuffed toy, even furniture

The moment you begin to show

He becomes ceaselessly more possessive and protective

His arm always around you, always supporting you when out together

He can’t lie, it fills him with an immense sense of satisfaction and masculine pride, seeing you so contently swollen with his child

As your bump grows, your due-date comes nearer

This world is so cruel, so dangerous

And yet, when he holds you close at night

Hand caressing your bump ever so gently

Feels your baby kick

He can’t imagine not raising your child here, with you

The village… it’s changing

It’s bigger, better

A strong community has formed

Soulmates have been found here

Other children are being born here too

The region itself is changing

Wearing a new-

No, returning to its old name

Pokemon… they’re not savages, not tools

He imagines your baby would find friendship in one

Maybe, if you’re here

If your baby is here

Everything will be okay?

The birth, it’s not easy on you

But still, you are strong

You power through

And in the middle of the night

Your son is born

Perfect, like Arceus intended

When Volo holds him for the first time

And beholds him as he cries

He shushes him gently

Rocking him back and fourth

Until he quickly settles in the arms of his papa

In that moment, Volo can’t even imagine any other world, than the one he’s in with you and your son

[good-beanswrites]

Hello hello! It's me again! (That one Anon who requested Lies with Kazui & Yuno, but I've set up my account now so no need to ask anonymously again lol) Thank you for satisfying my previous request, it was such a delight to read. I keep rereading it every now and then and I'm still always left in awe with it like jesus christ you didn't have to go all in on that im sobbing with the 0207 friendship dynamic.

I've also seen your latest post and drabble asks. I'd like to request from the Drabble List#1 - #5 “Idiots. They are all idiots.” with Es themselves!

Let the prisoners have fun and Es just stares at them nonchalantly, silently judging their idiocy from afar, hell, maybe even let Yuno/Mikoto convince them to join. You can do anything as long as you think it'll fit, they're all just a little silly (minus the fact they're in prison lol).

With all that said, take your time and no rush! I can always wait. Thanks a lot! ...now back to rereading my previous request for the nth time,, i love it so much,, thankyouagain

Ah thank you so much, that means so much!! I'm so glad you liked it, that one was really nice to write :'D And yesss thank you for the request -- this was such a blast to do as well! (though I also made myself emotional over Es' lost childhood, that was less fun ;___;) I debated on several activities within the prison but thought this was plausible and fun for some mid-T1 shenanigans

Es had a job to do. They had many eyes watching them. They had several lives in their hands. They had heavy responsibilities. They didn’t have time for something as silly as ‘video game night’, regardless of the laughter that bubbled up from the common room as they passed by. They were not way tempted to join, regardless of how much fun the group seemed to be having when they peered their head in.

Fuuta had whined that Es had replaced all his requests with completely outdated consoles and games, confirming they had been successful in choosing things without any access to the internet or outside world. Plus, they thought, this gave the older prisoners a fighting chance with some of the games.

Not that they cared whether or not the prisoners had a good time. That wasn’t any concern of theirs. Even in these long periods of rest between their more eventful duties, they must remain focused.

The laughter crescendoed into delighted screaming.

Es figured one more look inside wouldn’t hurt. They were supposed to be keeping an eye on everyone, after all. 

The prisoners had gathered various chairs and bedding material, creating makeshift couches. Some piled onto the new seating, some splayed out on the ground, others stood in excitement. The television was so small, the two players needed to lean all the way forward to see. 

Mahiru bounced in her seat as Yuno whipped around her remote. Fuuta was demanding Kazui play better, gesturing wildly at the screen. Shidou chucked to himself as the others grew more intense. Haruka kept asking questions about the game, receiving an answer only about half the time. 

As the match got closer, Yuno leapt to her feet. She tried to shimmy in front of Kazui and block his view. He stood to prod her out of the way. Muu called foul play, though she said it with a thrill rather than accusation. Fuuta repeated it -- with quite a lot of accusation -- and tried to push Yuno out of the way. Mikoto tried to hold him back, voicing his support of Yuno’s methods. 

The others got caught up in the yelling. Amane’s eyes were wide in anticipation. Kotoko pumped her fist as the battle got even closer. The room erupted in movement and shoving and tripping and remote pulling -- until they yanked the tiny television forward. 

The thick cord came free, and the screen went black just before a winner was announced. Ten voices chorused their outrage.

Es shook their head. “Idiots. They are all idiots.”

They turned away as the prisoners hurried to set everything up again. They were just about to turn the corner into the panopticon when Yuno’s voice called from behind.

“Hey!” She ran up, taking advantage of their brief pause. “I saw you passing by. Why don’t you come join us?”

Not for the first time, Es wished they had enough height to look down on all the prisoners. “I’m your warden. I’m not some child here to play games with you all.”

She pursed her lips. “I’m not a kid either. But I’m still down for a night to unwind.”

“You’re lucky to have the luxury to relax. I, on the other hand, am busy right now.”  

Yuno made a show of looking left, then right, across the empty hallway. “And what exactly are you doing right now?”

“I’m working.”

She frowned. “Uh-huh…”

“I am!” They fumbled for more, coming up blank. They should have known the moment she came skipping over to them that it would be impossible to fool her. There was no need for this routine check of the prison; everyone was gathered in the common room except them. Yuno had known this before uttering a single word.

Her hands fluttered in a dismissive gesture. “Too much work is never good for you. It doesn’t matter how mature you are -- if you get too caught up in your job it’ll drive you to some crazy things.” She smirked. “Just look at Shidou. Or Mikoto!”

“I could look at you…”

Though surprise flickered across her face, she kept grinning. “Exactly! So let’s get you in here.” She tugged on their arm. Prisoners couldn’t physically move Es against their will. 

They huffed as they found themselves inching closer and closer to the entryway.

“I suppose I can come and watch,” they muttered, “and still keep an eye on you all.”

“No! No more working!” She managed to get them into the room. “Here, you can take my spot in the next round.”

Kazui looked over. “Who said you were getting the next spot?”

“Oh come on, I was clearly going to win that one.”

“Clearly? I'm pretty sure was seconds away from beating you.”

“Well then, I guess Es can take your spot.”

“Es is playing?” Haruka looked up excitedly. 

“I haven’t agreed to anything yet.”

It was as if they hadn’t said anything at all. The others launched into a discussion of who would give their remote to Es? Who would they’d face off against? Were they resetting the bracket they’d begun? Which game would they return to? The ten argued in circles for a while. For a group of murderers, they were insistent on a fair tournament. After breaking up some bickering that could have become physical, Es once again wondered how they ended up watching over a mess like this. 

At length the game was chosen, and a rematch was slated for Yuno and Kazui later in the night. To save themself time and sanity, Es went ahead and picked their opponent.

“I’ll play Fuuta.” 

He had been the obvious choice: he could supply enough chatter for the both of them, so Es could remain silent. Also, he was guaranteed to win and free them from an obligation to play more than one round. They flashed a look at some of the more observant prisoners, hoping they didn’t tip them off.

However, no one was really watching them too keenly. Mahiru clapped in joy. Yuno beamed. Mikoto shoved a remote into their hands. Haruka started rapidly explaining the rules to them. Shidou directed Es to their seat in the center. Kotoko gave them an encouraging nod. As expected, Fuuta was already deep into trash talk as he sat next to them.

They really were simple-minded people, more focused on this silly game than the fact their warden had just sat amongst them. It was dangerous to let one’s guard down in a place like this, Es reminded themself. 

With a little jingle, the match began. 

Their fingers flew across the controls. Though they had a rocky start, some sort of muscle memory kicked in. Surely this game had come out before they were born, and there was no way they’d played it regularly. None of that mattered much. Their little avatar was obviously gaining the lead.

Their eyes stayed fixed on the screen as they received slaps on the back and nudges. Their guard's cap was knocked off in the shuffling, but they couldn't risk picking it up. Voices called all around them.

“Aw, don’t just let the kid win!” Mikoto said.

“I’m not!” Fuuta was desperate. “They fucking tricked me! They’re a pro!”

Es felt energy run through their entire body. Their original plan already slipping away, they wondered if they could actually beat Fuuta. It would be fun to see… They leaned forward, holding their breath. The audience continued cheering the pair on. Once again, the room was swept up in shouts.

The match ended. A little banner flashed across the screen to name Es victorious. They jumped up, a small whoop escaping them. 

They would’ve melted in shame right then and there, if the sound weren’t already drowned out by the surrounding chaos. The others laughed and shook Es in amazement. Fuuta let out a string of colorful language.

“That was incredible!”

“Holy shit!”

“How’d you do that?”

Es placed the cap back on their head, pulling it over their eyes. “I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter. I’m done for the night.” They tried to pass off the remote, but Mikoto pushed it back into their hands. 

“Nuh-uh. I want to see this for myself.” He grabbed the other one from a dejected Fuuta. “Same game. Same characters. Lemme see what you’ve got.”

Es wasn’t meant to play one round, much less get caught up in their ridiculous tournament.

Don’t be an idiot, they told themself.

“Bring it on,” they told Mikoto.

[002yb]

I absolutely adore your DickJay fics, scenarios, and thoughts! They're so fun. I am curious, though. What are your headcanons on the other Bats reaction/opinions on their relationship? What members are supportive? Do any of them disapprove?

Oh, anon. The way my thoughts scattered every which way with this hahaha. We've got a little bit of everything here; vibes separated by bullet points. ٩(๑ơలơ)۶♡

Bruce

Simultaneously overprotective and aggressively supportive; wars with himself over how his dear boy is defiling his darling baby boy and like, he doesn't know how he feels about it. On the one hand, fuck Dick. On the other, there's no one that Bruce trusts more with Jason. So. Both earnest and begrudging acceptance.

'Don't get weird about it,' Jason says. Only Bruce gets weird about it anyway. Just so intense that it's embarrassing. Fuck forbid Bruce remembers his own anniversaries, but he'll send reminder texts to them both and send them congratulatory flowers or champagne the day of. Just weirdly involved despite keeping to the fringes.

Forever oblivious. Doesn't matter what precarious situation he catches dickjay in, it never registers. 'World's greatest detective' title revoked.

Pragmatic. Uncaring so long as it doesn't impact work. Seemingly indifferent, but would capitalize on what relationship can mean for his mission. Would probably try to use Dick to manipulate Jason.

Not supportive. No blessings given. Unfortunately this sort of situation feels more like Bruce holding onto grievances with Jason and not trusting him to not corrupt Dick's morals (though like, lbr; Dick doing a lot of corruption/defilement in his own right lol).

Tim

Accepting, supportive, but also very done with these two morons because dickjay harass him with their shenanigans (intentional and not); so tired.

The above, but Tim is sort of into it (freaky freaky (*°∀°)=3)

Pragmatic. Would play their feelings for each other to his favor. Not usually in a negative way, but not above it. Generally indifferent to the feels, just sees the utility in it.

Damian

Protective of Dick (but supportive)

Protective of Jason (begrudgingly supportive after a period of failed attempts to sabotage Dick hahaha; just a whole jealousy thing because Jason is Damian's and Dick is infringing on what isn't his and Damian's patience is short and his tolerance at the end of its rope so help him Grayson, Damian will fuck him up if he fucks Jason - sorry, fucks up Jason in any way).

Protective of both and at a standstill because of it (still supportive, but too many shovel talks too little time).

Oblivious. Just oblivious.

The above would be fun in a fic where father dearest, world's greatest detective, is also oblivious lol. It runs in the family.

Devastated, but bears the heartache well (unrequited crush on Jason)

Have I made it apparent that I really like Damian crushing on Jason? Because I do. Weird place to ask but if anyone has a fic rec with this premise (bottom!Jason if anything veers that way lol) then like, yes please??

Adamant supporter because it's like his second dad/mom are hooking up. Dick and Jason are the only people worthy of each other in Damian's eye, so it works. This Damian is having a good time, given Bruce won't make an honest woman out of Talia (alternatively, Talia isn't making an honest man out of Bruce either so lol)

Cass

Supportive, no doubt or question to it

Teasing (specifically of Jason hahahah she can fluster him so easy; she sees why Dick enjoys it).

Alfred

Supportive. Content. Pleased.

Concerned, given both boys are dear to him and both are moderate disasters. He doesn't want any heartbreaks. ):

Exasperation because he finds them all over the manor, without fail.

=======

Thank you so much, by the way!! It makes me all sorts of happy that you enjoy my stories and the little informal things I put out there. (´⌣`ʃƪ)♥ Thank you for the engagement, too! This was a lot of fun. Have a lovely weekend, anon~ ♥♥♥

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Hi Em, I wanted to take some time to truly bring out my thoughts and all I have to say is, Em you don't owe anything to anyone. The fact that these people feel so entitled to just go badmouthing or spreading negativity to you or your friends honestly just disgusts me to my core. They have no courage to come off of anon and say it because they know they are absolute morons and that people wouldn't stand for it.

I'm happy that you were able to take time off for yourself and honestly even if you thought of taking more time it's honestly understable. I would rather you be happy and be with a peace of mind, rather than constantly surrounded by these buffoons who know nothing and just decide they have no life not job other than to berate others.

I still absolutely love you, your series and just your blog in general. All I want to say is there are people that are there for you, myself included. So please keep you head high and be happy ! 🩷

-🧇

HELLO MY WAFFLE FRIEND!

Thank you so much for your nice words. Actually, thank you everyone for your nice words. Though I like to joke about spite keeping the cogs running on this thing, I’m not actually here to entertain the creeps and the losers. I’m here to write and share stories, and if I can be part of making someone’s day just a little brighter, then YAY. I love that I’ve been able to do that here - I’m going to continue to do that!

I’m mostly responding to the anons because it was hurtful at first, but now it’s just sad. They’re desperate and pathetic, and it’s so funny that I’m their #1 villain. Hope that version of me is scarier than the IRL one, lol!

Honestly, some of the funniest posts I’ve seen on Tumblr have been quippy responses to hate anons. If I can make someone snort by answering some of mine, I’ll do so. The truly hurtful ones I might just screenshot and save for a ‘monthly roundup’ or something. Kinda like a diary entry of fuckery, haha!

In other news - I’m making edits to my typeset and attempting to create a rounded spine for my next bookbinding go. Might even try making one to give away! Dunno yet. Also got the next chapter in the works, currently at 2000 words and not quite sure where it ends. I’m also not totally confident that it’s the chronological start of the next fic… IDK, it seems kinda like a third-chapter vibe? I’ll probably post it and then rejig the order later, rather than try to backtrack and write all the preceding chaps before posting in order. Y’all are used to my shit by now, haha!

Most of my stressors have been removed; my work project has been pushed WAY back (at no detriment to me or my role), and I’ve just concluded the yearly reporting period. Smooth sailing from here on out, which means MORE INTERNET TIME YAAAAAY! And more FRENDS!

I’m so excited to be back. Here’s to A MILLION YEARS OF EM SHENANIGANS! PRAISE BE THE DAEMON CULT!

[bobfloydsbabe]

do you think jas and abby still get their periods or are they on some sort of birth control that prevents them? if they do, what are the boys like whenever their periods is bothering then?

yes, i have some nasty cramps going on lmao

lyra

Aw, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well! I get really bad cramps as well, so I feel for you.

Jas has an IUD, so her periods are light, and she barely experiences cramping anymore. She’s used IUDs since she was eighteen, finding them easy and convenient. She gets a new one every 5-8 years depending on the brand of IUD.

Abby takes hormonal birth control pills and is extremely uptight about taking them. Her mom was just 20 years old when she had Abby, so making sure she stays safe is important to her. Taking the pill has helped alleviate the cramps and PMS she experienced before then.

Sending you hugs. Thank you for indulging me, babes 🤍