#person in the red kayak is my mom lol

[sucklett]

pictures taken while I was kayaking yesterday

[hannahwatchesbigbrother]

This has been a worse than average endgame (to say the least), but I want to acknowledge the highlights of bb25. I’ve been watching since bb16 (been a feedster since bb17), and this has truly been the most invested I’ve been. Despite how frustrated I’ve been with production this year, I really think this season has some really stellar stuff in it (especially pre-jury). So here is a (lengthy) list of how I’ll remember this season:

Cirie motherfucking Fields showing up!!

Izzy immediately clocking that Jared was Cirie’s son before the live premiere even ended

Izzy immediately clocking that Cameron gives serial killer vibes

Felicia destroying four mics by the end of the first week

Felicia falling into the hot tub

“Clean that shit up a bit”

Cameron thinking Felicia was related to Denzel Washington

“Izzy Fields” and the beautiful friendship between her and Cirie

Hisam’s villain arc

Cory in Blue’s pink outfit (and later Americas jumpsuit)

(Honestly just Cory being a genuinely good dude who would call out things that crossed a line and fought against toxic masculinity)

The target flipping every other hour for like the first six weeks of the game

Every time Zach Wurtenburger tweeted about BB

The nickname “fucking Bowie Jane” which was then just shortened to fbj

The still of Cory’s mouth wide open while he was saying “what the fuck” when they were thinking of keeping Hisam

Meme’s storage room rants

“If I’m a have not next week, I’ll self-evict” “I’ll be a have not with you” *america leaves* “(to self) Cory, are you the most pathetic person? They were right about you — you’re a pick me”

Felicia yelling at Jag while he was in a chicken suit

Felicia and “Mr. B” (smooches!)

The slow burn Americory showmance (I could write a thesis on how much I love it but I’ll spare you)

The fact they brought the pressure cooker back

Izzy crying about how much she hates being in the same room as Cameron

“Fuck jag and I said that shit” -America Week 4, a prophet

When Matt used the power on jag and even live feeders were shook because we had no idea

The fact that Cameron’s 14 hours in the pressure cooker didn’t matter because jag was just brought back into the game

Blue sucking up to Felicia bc she thought she was Jared’s mom for a solid 24 hours

Felicia’s sleep screaming/singing

The dramatic and out of no where red/Cameron break up

“Cam thinks he’s like a father to me, but really he’s like an absentee father who wants to sleep with my girlfriend”

Blue volunteering jag to go up as a “pawn” during Jared’s hoh

Cam winning hoh after being blindsided by the red vote (hate him but the absolute silence and his thumbs up is so funny)

“Okay Jasmine” “*crying* who’s jasmine?” “*singing* a whole new world”

Cam not telling anyone including production who he was putting up

Matt winning the prize swap veto but choosing the punishment bc he thought he’d get to hang out with the real Josh Duhamel

The Josh Duhamel punishment in general

Izzy’s kick jump during the piggy pals punishment

Jared destroying his game because Cirie was stuck in a kayak with Felicia for 48 hours

THE IZZY FLIP

(The fact the izzy flip happened bc she told Cory that he couldn’t sleep in the same bed as America anymore lol)

The Cory/Jared humiliverse fight

“To all my friends and family, trust I know that they are all liars and snakes… and cowards!”

“See you soon, pig!”

The Cirie/Felicia fight post-Jared’s eviction

Peak Unreliables when Jag fought for Cory’s LIFE against cams plan to backdoor him

People retweeting Meme’s tweets from over ten years ago that were weirdly relevant to the season

America lifting Cory after it was confirmed that they made jury

The musical that Cory got for his zing

The one time all the different stans came together was to celebrate Cams eviction

The “exquisite” bit

America causing Jag to want to shit his pants after telling him to “literally fuck off”

“Literally in this world, I am your biggest fan” 😭😭😭

Felicia being Cirie’s best friend and worst enemy (aka when she shaved her foot on her bed)

Americory saying “I love you” on Cory’s way out the door

Americas shrine to Cory/transforming into him

Cirie’s DR of her flipping off Jag, Matt, and Bowie

Izzy/Paige going as Americory for Halloween

The Americory “cradle robber” Halloween costume

“I’d be more impressed if [the wins] weren’t against two senior citizens, an airhead, and an idiot”

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

1st dream I ever had of JA together was right after I started my new job at the tax spot, and Jay was texting me about a house they wanted to rent and was looking for a roommate to help cut the cost. They showed me this brown house with an upstairs and downstairs, but it was like near the Northside kinda...but near Kettering. I remember looking at the map thinking dang it look kinda rough in the neighborhood, but 800 something month sounded good split between 3 ppl.

The dream that night was us in this small looking house in the forest, but we were happy until we actually went outside towards our backyard and there was the trees. Pine trees to be specific. We started running towards it because we were playing a game,, idk if it was tag or hide and seek...all I know is that it felt like we both were playing, me and Jay running with Ayunna nearby running too, and then all of a sudden we had to start running back to the house cause a bunch of peopl started coming out of the woods chasing us, before we even hit the trees.

We ran for our lives, at almost full speed, but I don't remember who hit the house first and no they didn't look like zombies. It was just a burst of a bunch of people covered in black, from head to toe chasing us, going as fast as we were. I remember when I got to the house I couldn't find everyone and I told my lil sister (idk why she was there) to go check downstairs and low and behold Ayunna was whispering, calling someone on the phone as she was in the living room and I was peeking in on her through the kitchen. She said my name and said it sort of alert, but kept it on hush hush like a teacher calling a student's parent. She said "Kylee's shaking and freaking out about it."

And I think she meant it like I was ready to go home. I thought she was calling her mom, cause I didn't plan on telling my mom about moving out with them at the time.

Because I was scared and paranoid about being far away from home with strangers chasing us from the woods. I didn't see Jay when she made the phone call, Interestingly enough. I remember there was a closet filled with supplies with like an orange kayak, some sports gear, some oars, and some other stuff. I don't remember what I was looking for in the dream, I was just trying make sure nobody from outside got into the house.

Crazy right? And this was in 2019. Had I said anything, I'm sure they would have just thought it was a bad dream. The house in the dream didn't look Nothing like the house Jay had shown me. It looked sorta different, because there wasn't no carpet on the floor except in the living room. The house in the ad had carpet everywhere.

Also, as gross as I'm willing to admit....the 1st sexual dream of Jay happened in January right before we got let go of that bookstore temp job....

Jay was grinding on me fully clothed and kept grunting the words "respect it" with each ride/hump on my..... I woke up wet and confused because I didn't understand why Jay would have said that to me, hovering over me, starting with a serious face, one hand over my left shoulder, the other between my right arm and right side of my body. As if I was supposed to be scared or something....like wayyy too rough.

Now that I see it, I think Jay wanted me to respect their privacy and their body. Because around that time, I was questioning if I was even gay and how I could possibly even like them when I didn't even know if they had a dick or not or nothing at all....I was concerned and confused because Jay was taken and why was I thinking about it so damn hard for like a solid week I didn't see them at work and it drove me nuts not to know, but I couldn't ask cause that's rude. I kept trying to prove myself wrong with counteraccusations like "how can you know you're gay, when you haven't even kissed a girl? We don't know if she or they has boy parts?"

I felt really guilty about liking Jay, someone out of the spectrum and not my normal type....cause they weren't normal. They were like an alien to me, I usually could observe people 1st before talking to them and trusting them to see if we would even be a good fit or so....but in Jay's situation....i needed to do some research before I was the curious George asking too much information that I shouldn't have been interested in knowing but still wanted to know for my own sake. Like how to address non binary ppl, how to say they and use the pronouns, and xr./xrs. or etc...but Jay wanted to be called Mister later on.

I made sure I knew alot more than my coworkers to be prepared for conversation matters so I didn't come off like an ignorant associate who didn't bother to Google it before saying it out loud. Cause with anything new, I always google 1st and look on reddit for unfiltered personal opinions about stuff.

Which is still the reason why I think Jay could actually want to date/have sex with men in the future. after taking hormones so many ftms said once the dysphoria felt like it was gone and they were comfortable being themselves, as a man...they started opening back up that door they once closed towards men. Some even went girls only, to bisexual, to just gay (dating men). And there were a bit more reddit asking why there isn't as many straight ftms and why is there more ftms turning gay after transitioning....which sorta sucked to hear but I needed to know in case I had another panic attack again from being shocked from any more unexpected, extreme news from someone who always acted like they were anti-dick. Even to go as far as declining dick offers from sugarmommas they told me about.

It was gross to hear that they offered me up to that same random sugarmomma without even asking me if I was comfortable or even wanted to have sex with another stranger. Cause I sure as hell didn't. They just offered my name up to her, like they were selling me off as some hoe-sub. Being petty cause I started looking for an actual commitment on tinder.

I hated them for doing stupid, inconsiderate, uncomfortable shit like that, thinking Imma just go along with everything just because I liked them.

I'm still mad about that too. That jealous pig. Man whore themselves. They've slept with more ppl than me and had the nerve to call.me a "bedhopper" when you're the one getting yourself emotionally caught up and cheating on your girl by breaking rules she told you not too. Petty, angsty, stupid bitch with man issues. Didn't want nobody checking them about they behavior cause I guess they thought they were being overdominated.

This idiot thought I was tryna challenge their dominance (red flag #142🚩lol) when I said sarcastically "I wasn't gonna buy you none, anyway" when Jay interrupted me with "oh I don't want any candy." after I said as we waited in the avengers movie line "I should have gone to the dollar party to get some candy, had I known it was gonna be this long of a wait." They thought I was being hostile....when noooo I was just stating the candy wasn't for you, and why should I give a fuck? Lol 😆 I always do that with my sisters and parents at home. That's how we talk to each other, sarcastic assholes and smart jokes. I asked Jay is your masculinity sensitive after they called me out about making that comment that I thought wasn't offensive...but I guess it rubbed then the wrong way?? But like how, cause it was about candy and I wasn't mad at them when I said it.

They took that candy comment way too seriously. Cause even ayunna agreed with Jay that I was challenging their dominance? Like wtffff how can I challenge someone's dominance without even being aggressive, pushing a button, or getting in your face?

I think they thought I was just the nice girl who never talks back. Bullshiiiiittttt I have a mouth. I'm allowed to speak 🤣😅 fucking idiots and they thought I was the sensitive one. Jay sensitive too. Any time they felt less like a man, they took it out on us, like a lil crybaby, like a punk. But I didn't say anything....cause it seemed like anything I said to defend myself they would get into my head too about how it don't make sense.

Truly I think we just came from 2 different backgrounds, one where I was taught to obey but speak my mind. And Jay was taught that control and making others controlled by fear, while they got to be enabled to do so...was their life at home being the oldest. I never like even my own manager for doing that, controlling, poking, and bitching about stress then then taking it out on us because he has anger and commitment issues at biglots.

Jay came from "I'm the man, you're supposed to shut up and be quiet when I say it." I came from a house that woulda whooped yo ass for saying shit like that to my own momma. We don't play that shit around here and I grew up in the south, and southern raised folk. You always respect women just as proper and equal as men too. Yes sir, thank you ma'am, and do you need some napkins, that southern hospitality and respect for other people, friends, and family I was taught that. Jay must have not been taught manners and stuff like I did. My momma and daddy a mind even teachers made me be nice and be a good listener, and a good student always ready, alert, paying attention. You got off task, you fall behind in school, so always pay attention. Dad always was hard on me reminding me to do my best and treat people the way you want to be treated.

[purplesurveys]

812

Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? I'm always civil with everyone, and when I get mad at someone I make sure it’s because they really fucked up on a task, and not just because I don’t like their personality or whatever. I’ve always just felt like butting heads with someone is only going to affect my work, so I try not to clash with people. If I don’t like someone for any reason, I usually just minimize my interactions with them. Have you ever been romantically interested in a coworker? ...Does a classmate count? I started crushing on Gab back in high school lol. Have you ever been romantically involved with a coworker? ^ Same question. Do you have any thoughts on a 14-year age-gap? Not a fan. Age gaps in general scare me away, though I think it’s because I’ve only been with someone of the same age. What is the game you're currently playing most often on your phone? Bitlife. It’s like a simpler Sims.

What is your go-to Starbucks order? MAN OH MAN does this question make me miss coffee shops. I get a grande iced caramel macchiato. I get it as is because having so many customization options just makes me overwhelmed. Do you have any friends that you're drifting apart from? I don’t think so. We all just have to be apart right now but once we can see each other again, I’m 110% sure it’ll only be like we hadn’t seen each other in a day. Are you close to someone who is mentally unwell? I think all my friends aren’t mentally okay to some extent. It’s pretty common in our age group. What phone do you have? iPhone 8. What is the last thing you ordered for delivery? Andrew and I had Chinese food delivered to Skywalk after a particularly brutal verbal beatdown from our thesis adviser who had told us to revise big chunks of our thesis ASAP. I was super stressed so I allowed myself to splurge on the Hong Kong noodles I really liked and I specifically asked for three fucking packets of peanut sauce to drown my noodles in lmao. Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? It’s my preferred way of getting a pet. Adopt and don’t shop, plz. What's your favorite chain restaurant? YABUUUUUUUU. If I reach the point where I only had ₱400 left to my name, I’d still most likely spend it on their katsu.  Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? No...well, Gabie is part Turkish, so kinda? She’s still mostly Filipino though. Have you ever read any of your idol’s books/autobiographies? Out of all the people I fangirl over, only AJ has produced an autobiography and yes, I have her book. Oh I have One Direction’s first book too, but I haven’t been able to buy the next ones that came out. Do you own any succulents? Nope. Can’t take care of plants to save my life. When was the last time you climbed a tree? I’ve never done that, all the trees here have red ants. :/ If you have any pets, how would you describe their personalities? Kimi’s an absolute diva and chooses to follow, listen to, and be sweet with only me. He’ll be super nice when he’s asking for food, but will be quick to stop minding you completely once he’s gotten enough food from you. We give him a pass since he’s a senior dog now, but he’s definitely the snobby type hahaha. What is your phone's background? My home screen is of Hayley Williams; my lock screen is of Beyoncé and Jay-Z on stage. Who played at the last concert you went to? Paramore. Who is playing at the next concert you're attending? I’m really fucking hoping it’s going to be Beyoncé because she’s the only artist left I have yet to see lmao but if not, I’m most likely going to see Paramore again. What's your favorite amusement park ride? I like riding the octopus, but only the one in my high school’s fair. What's your favorite deep-fried food item? Corndogs, for sure. Why were you last pulled over? I got confused with the road rules in Alabang and ended up stopping at a red light albeit over a pedestrian lane. Stilllllll pissed about that instance to this day and I’ve never gotten over how rude the traffic enforcer was towards me. Do you have any friends that own a private lake? I don’t think so, we don’t have a lot of lakes here to begin with. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Take a shower, if I understood this question correctly. Canoeing or kayaking? I kayaked in Palawan when we were there and it was so peaceful and felt like absolute heaven. I’d relive that experience over and over again. What's your favorite lake? Like I said, we don’t really have a lot of lakes here. I don’t even know enough to pick a favorite. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? Sure, why not. Do you have a drone? I don’t. I’m not interested in having one. Do you have a smart watch? Nope. I’d love one but tbh I end up losing every watch I ever try to wear, so buying one would be pointless. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? It’s a bar rather than a restaurant, but Exile was such a fun place to be in. I still don’t understand why they had to close down so suddenly when sooooo many college kids were going there every single day. It’s since been replaced by this random shrimp restaurant, though I think that already closed too since no one ever went there because EVERYONE PREFERS EXILE. It was a very important part of my early college years and it helped me get out from my slump, so I’ll always be grateful that it was around at some point. What do you order from there? I don’t even remember anymore, it shut down two or three years ago. I’ll see if their menu is still up on Zomato... andddd it’s not. It’s like it never existed, sigh. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Cookies and cream. They jack up the prices for Ben & Jerry’s here like CRAZY so even though I’ve wanted to try so many of their flavors, I’ve never gotten to try it. I’m not paying ₱500-₱600 for ice cream. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? Yes, I have a couple of shirts from this local business called Artwork. Their employees, who are also artists, produce original designs on t-shirts, bags, pins, shoes, wallets, etc. every week so every time I visit the store, the selection is almost always completely brand new. What is your prettiest friend's first name? Gabriela, hehe. Who is your favorite comedian? Not really into comedians. I like Andy Samberg’s work, but mostly only for Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What's your favorite Netflix series? Queer Eye or Black Mirror, if we’re talking about original Netflix series. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I regularly tuned in to a morning radio program when I’d drive to school before quarantine started, but that’s it. Do you know anyone who's had their own podcast? Nope, but I have friends and acquaintances who have released other stuff, like vlogs and EPs. Where were you the last time you stayed in a hotel? Cavite. What are you looking forward to, today? Mom bought shawarma so I can’t wait to eat them tonight. What are you looking forward to, in the next few months? For this Covid mess to finally blow over so I can have an actual, tangible graduation and see all my friends again. Are you a dog or a cat person? Dog. Without. A. Doubt. Do you know anyone who is freaked out by cats? Me. They never liked me no matter how nice I am with them, so I can never be around one for more than a minute. There’s only one cat that’s been nice to me – one of the cats that roam around the college, we call him Ginger – but even then, sometimes his claws can get super sharp when we play and it pierces my skin and I get scared, ahuhu. I’m sure cats are super nice and that they make for great pets, but we just can’t ever bond lol. Do you know any with Crohn's disease? No.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? Cingular Wireless. 

What are your 3 favorite internet sites? Tumblr, YouTube, and Twitter. 

Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. I like all my jeans, they’re all dark wash skinny jeans. 

What profession do you respect? Anyone who works with the disadvantaged and is paid pennies for it – social workers, homeless/domestic violence shelter employees, animal rescuers, etc. High-stress jobs with no financial reward, basically. <<< Yes!

Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? No.

Have you ever ate something you’ve dropped on the floor, if so what? Nooo. That 5 second rule is a lie.

Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? I don’t have a car, nor can I drive, which are both kinda necessary. IF I could, I still wouldn’t. I’d be scared to have strangers in my car.

How do you know when you’re in love, what’s the main sign? I actually want to be around the person for long periods of time. <<< Ha, yeah that’s definitely a sign for me as well. 

Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? Jim Carrey, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Drake Bell.

Do you prefer Walmart or Target? Target.

What do you long for? My vacation next year. 

If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? No thanks.

What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? Take better care of myself.  What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? My mind will just start to wander after awhile and if I focus on trying to stay focused, I become too focused on being focused. Did you follow any of that? lol.

Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? I think in some cases people are too quick to attack others. Some people truly may just be ignorant about a topic or accidentally misspoke about something, but people are so quick to attack and make them out to be the worst person in the world. Try educating others instead. Some people act like they know everything and never say the wrong thing ever.

What tragic love story do you relate to? None.

Has your intuition or “gut” served you well? In some cases.

What’s the longest you’ve ever waited in line for something and what was it? Midnight premieres. My friends and I would get there an hour or two early and you just hang around until they start letting people in. It was fun, though. We’d bring blankets and a bunch of snacks. 

Who is your favorite model? I don’t have one.

What have you done that is out of character for you? I used to be the friend everyone could come and talk to. I was dependable. A few years ago I pushed everyone away and became distant and withdrawn. I’m not that dependable person anymore.

Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? I appreciate either one.

Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? Uhhh.

How do you handle a betrayal? I’d be hurt, but I’d also likely blame myself.

What do you feel strong enough to protest about? I’ve never protested before. 

What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? My life.

If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? To play along with your hypothetical game I’d have a cafe. 

What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? Medical supplies and shoes. 

What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? I still haven’t learned how to drive.

What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? I don’t know.

Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? No.

Do you believe in karma? No.

Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? I can worry about both. They are not mutually exclusive. <<< Yeah. They’re not even the same thing. Doing things right can be like following instructions and such, while doing the right thing is like what you think is morally right.

Do you believe in the term “Mother knows best? My mom often does. If I would have just listened to her advice some things would certainly be a lot different. Even now. I’m so damn stubborn. 

Who is your favorite movie action hero? Iron Man, Spiderman, Ant-Man, Star Lord, and Thor.  

What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can’t get elsewhere? Hm. Nothing is coming to mind, honestly. 

How important are looks in someone you’re in a relationship with? I just answered this in another survey. They’re not the most important thing, it’s gotta be deeper than just looks, but I can’t say they don’t matter at all.

What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? Uhhh.

What are you most thankful for? My family.

Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? Well, as far as talk shows go I like to watch Daily Pop and Dr. Phil. Sometimes The Talk as well.

What was the last book you read? Because of Bethlehem by Max Lucado.

What’s your favorite online store? The places I shop online the most are: Hot Topic, BoxLunch, Kohl’s, Amazon, and Etsy.

What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? I don’t wanna do that. I couldn’t handle it.

If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? “Hi.” lol.

Do you have common sense or do you think people are lacking in it? It doesn’t seem to be very common sometimes. You either got it or you don’t, and it does seem to be lacking.

What’s your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Coffee.

How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? Not my thing.

What do you like to put gravy on? Mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, and ham. I love country gravy on my eggs. 

Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? Nope.

What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? Nothing.

What is priceless to you? Time with my family. 

What do you wait for discount sales to buy? I always look for a good sale and use coupon codes whenever I can.

What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? I honestly don’t know a whole lot. I’d really like to do that ancestry test.

What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? It changes.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Hmm. 

Do you keep a budget? I try. 

If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? Nah.

What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Spending time at the beach is the only thing that can make me feel that way.

What is the funniest joke you have ever heard about? I don’t know what I’d say the funniest joke I ever heard was.  Who depends on you the most? No one.

Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Ha, no. I’m very thin, weak, and in a wheelchair. No offense to anyone else who may also be any of those things, but I know I couldn’t protect anyone. I’m also a scardy cat, easily intimidated, and non-confrontational, so... I’d really be of no use at all.

Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yes. And some will eventually... they’re inevitable. :(

Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don’t understand? There’s a lot I don’t understand about people in general.

Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? If so, what were two things you wanted? I only list things like that when asked in a survey. It comes up a lot.

Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? Nope.

What song on your playlist gets played the most? My Spotify wrap up thingy listed all that, but I don’t feel like checking it again right now.

Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? Academic.

Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? No. I have a strong instinct for empathy. <<<

Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? Yes.

Finish the next line in your style: Roses are red, violets are blue… I’m tired, how are you?

What embarrasses you instantly? When I start mixing my words around when I speak. <<< Saaaame. I trip over my words, too. 

Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? Nope. Well, there’s the wheelchair for one.

Do you often read your horoscope? I never do.

What current event are you tired of hearing about? Trump.

Are you a daredevil? Ha, nope.

What common pitfalls do you find yourself dealing with in your work life? I don’t have a job.

Describe your “poker face”. >> My resting face is a poker face. People tend to read all kinds of things into it (usually negative things), because I guess they can’t stand a simple blank slate. <–Me. We’re so misunderstood. Haha. <<< Me, too. 

What do you think should be censored? I don’t see the issue with curse words being censored. I just never understood why you can say some, but not others. 

Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Possibly.

Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? I don’t know.

How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? My relationship with God.

Have you ever fired a gun? Yes. I went to a shooting range once with friends.

Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? I’m not doing anything with my life. :/ I don’t feel like I have much potential, either.

How are you different from most people? I’m different from people I know in a lot of ways. Like, people I know are functioning adults and I’m not.

What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Understanding is definitely one. There’s a lot of things, though.

What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? Dogs.

Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? Yeah. I’ve stayed up for over 30 hours. I honestly don’t know I ever did that. I could never now.

Who is a female role model in your life? My mom.

What childhood dreams have you neglected? The ones where I was doing something with my life.

How often do you reevaluate your life? I don’t. I am aware of what my life looks like at any given time. I don’t need to sit down and think deeply about it to realize I need to change something I’m doing; I am well aware of my faults and negative habits.  <<< Just gonna keep all your answers.

What’s your favorite place just to hang out? My bed.

What gives you a zest for life? This makes me think of this thing I saw on Twitter that said something like, “I thought it would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, not stressed, depressed, lemon zest”, ha.

What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My mind is a jumbled mess. 

What three things do you think of most of each day? God, my health, and my life.

Would you travel to space if possible? Nopeeee. Just the idea of space is terrifying to me. 

Name a famous person you wouldn’t mind for a business partner. I don’t want a business partner. I’m not doing anything in business. 

[eldritchsurveys]

358.

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? >> Kyocera. (Is that brand even still around...?) What are your 3 favorite internet sites? >> I don’t know. tumblr’s pretty cool. Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. >> I only have one pair of blue jeans. They’re... just jeans, I don’t know what to describe. What profession do you respect? >> I can’t think of a profession I don’t respect for some reason or another. Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? >> No.

Have you ever ate something you’ve dropped on the floor, if so what? >> Probably, but it’s not something I generally do (especially nowadays). Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? >> I can’t even drive, dude. How do you know when you’re in love, what’s the main sign? >> I remember when the situation with Wednesday resolved, and for like a week afterwards I would randomly remember that he existed and would feel pretty happy about it for a few minutes. And I literally was like, “omg, is this what people are talking about when they talk about being ‘in love’???” at Can Calah lmao. The moral of that story is that I have no idea what being “in love” means and I often labour under the suspicion that people are just exaggerating or something. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? >> Yeah, I’ve had everything from t-shirts to towels to a copy of Watchmen autographed (the person who autographed the copy of Watchmen was in no way related to that book, I just had no other paper products on me lmao), by various musicians. I don’t have any of those autographs anymore, because I ceased to find them valuable in any way. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? >> I prefer Target. What do you long for? >> I’m good with language but not good enough to put this into words. If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? >> No. What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? >> Me, personally? Not put so much energy into “self-improvement” that I completely lose sight of what I actually want out of life and what kind of person I actually want to be. Everyone’s got a million opinions about how other people should live their lives, but frankly, none of them are living mine, so. Maybe I’m happy the way I am. Maybe self-improvement is a thing that happens organically and I don’t need to be constantly “working at it” like it’s a fucking race or something. Everything’s self-change, bitch, let’s eat some fruit. What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? >> Having a brain that sometimes finds it difficult to focus on things for various reasons. Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? >> I think it really doesn’t even matter anymore. Things will go the way they’ll go and I don’t need to be involved. What tragic love story do you relate to? >> I’m still looking for one. Has your intuition or “gut” served you well? >> More or less, I guess. What’s the longest you’ve ever waited in line for something and what was it? >> I don’t remember. Who is your favorite model? >> --- What have you done that is out of character for you? >> LOL nothing is out of character for me. I’m not that kind of character. Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? >> Either is fine, but I’d rather someone get me a gift card than something I’m not going to have any use for. Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? >> What. How do you handle a betrayal? >> I don’t even know what a betrayal feels like.  What do you feel strong enough to protest about? >> Nothing. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? >> --- If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? >> I wouldn’t want to own a restaurant. What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? >> I don’t use the closet. What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? >> --- What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? >> Continued to live my life the way I do. Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? >> No. Do you believe in karma? >> No. Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? >> I’m honestly not all that concerned about either. Do you believe in the term “Mother knows best?” >> It doesn’t apply to me or my life experience at all, so. Who is your favorite movie action hero? >> *shrug* What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can’t get elsewhere? >> --- How important are looks in someone you’re in a relationship with? >> Important enough, I guess. I don’t think I’d have a good relationship with someone if I can’t even stand to look at them. What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? >> *shrug* ???? What are you most thankful for? >> The internet. LOL Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? >> No. What was the last book you read? >> The last book I finished is Factfulness. What’s your favorite online store? >> I don’t have one. What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? >> I’ve entertained the idea of being a stage tech or something like that, but that’s an extremely impractical and stressful kind of life for someone like me for several reasons.  If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? >> I wouldn’t. Do you have common sense or do you think people are lacking in it? >> I don’t believe in the concept of common sense in the first place. I think people learn stuff and it becomes so practical and useful in their life that they assume that everyone else knows and applies that same knowledge, but that’s not necessarily true. What’s your favorite non-alcoholic drink? >> Jasmine green tea, apparently, considering how much of it I could drink in a day if left to my own devices. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? >> I like the idea of them, but in reality I find them too disorganised and overwhelming for my needs. What do you like to put gravy on? >> Biscuits and gravy is the only gravy-related thing I like. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? >> No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? >> When I think about how much I’ve gone through and how it could have made me worse off, but none of it did. I really do feel as though I am stronger for my trials, so that kind of rhetoric definitely applies to me. What is priceless to you? >> Nothing, I guess. What do you wait for discount sales to buy? >> Video games, oftentimes. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? >> --- What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? >> --- What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for someone? >> I consider some of the leeway I’ve given to people in relationships to be crazy as fuck. Like, people have done and said some flagrant shit to me and I just fucking let them, lmao. And I’m not just talking about in the distant past, I mean just as recently as last fucking year. What kind of madness is that? I hope I’ve learned my lesson, at least.  Do you keep a budget? >> Not a formal one, no. I don’t have many issues with keeping a vague mental record of how much money I’m spending and how much I can afford to spend.  If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? >> I don’t want to cast spells on people. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? >> A good sleep, I guess. What is the funniest joke you have ever heard about? >> --- Who depends on you the most? >> I guess Sparrow depends on me for certain specific things, like my memory lmao. But nothing too big. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? >> I doubt it. Has one of your biggest fears come true? >> No. Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don’t understand? >> --- Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? >> --- Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? >> No. If so, what were two things you wanted? >> --- Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? >> Yep. What I like about the subway is how extensive it is, and the fact that it runs 24/7/365 (although *insert 50 salty memes about MTA service delays and interruptions here*). I miss it a lot, despite its many not-so-awesome features. What song on your playlist gets played the most? >> --- Have you ever received a harsher punishment than you deserved? >> Sure. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? >> --- Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? >> Yeah, doing or feeling or experiencing something myself is the easiest and most reliable way for me to fully grok it. Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? >> --- Finish the next line in your style: Roses are red, violets are blue… >> --- What embarrasses you instantly? >> --- Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? >> No, because 1) I really don’t want to be one, so jot that down, Do you often read your horoscope? >> No. What current event are you tired of hearing about? >> Literally all of them, to be honest. Not necessarily because people are being obnoxious about them or anything, but just because I don’t care nearly as much as the average person does. Are you a daredevil? >> No. What common pitfalls do you find yourself dealing with in your work life? >> --- Describe your “poker face”. >> Er. What do you think should be censored? >> Personally, I don’t want anything in my purview censored. But I don’t speak for all of society, and I don’t believe I should, either. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? >> I wouldn’t know even if I was. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? >> Maybe, but I’d rather just never be faced with that decision. How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? >> I remind myself that they’re temporary and I do shit that I enjoy. Have you ever fired a gun? >> No. Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? >> I don’t believe in this “full potential” nonsense. It usually sounds like code for “how I believe a person should be”, and if that’s what you mean, then at least have the stones to say it. How are you different from most people? >> I’m not different from “most people”. That feeling is just the human brain being a human brain and forgetting how mind-numbingly common most experiences are once you widen your perspective. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? >> The ability to admit to one’s mistakes and learn from them. Because you’re going to make them. A lot of them. Doesn’t matter who you are or how many books or mommy blogs you read or how many other children you’ve had or what you think you know, you’re going to make. a lot. of mistakes. And if you can’t get used to that and do your best to learn from them without punishing yourself or placing blame or getting obsessed, then you’re going to do a lot more damage than good. What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? >> Humans. How do you feel about GMOs? >> I think the whole process is interesting, and I think there are clear benefits to genetic modification, and I think there are clear detriments to genetic modification, and that’s just how it goes. Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? >> Yeah. Because I was on stimulants. Who is a female role model in your life? >> --- What childhood dreams have you neglected? >> --- How often do you reevaluate your life? >> Eh, not often. It doesn’t require a whole lot of scrutiny, to be honest. What’s your favorite place just to hang out? >> My room, lol. What gives you a zest for life? >> Lemons. *rimshot* What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? >> Hmm. I don’t know, man, I think I’m pretty good at visualisation. What three things do you think of most of each day? >> I don’t know. Would you travel to space if possible? >> I sure would love to... Name a famous person you wouldn’t mind for a business partner. >> No.  

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Chapter titles! | June Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

It’s JULY which means we’re due for a June writing update! I honestly didn’t do very much writing in June (was June even a month? did it happen??), so like with May, this update will be pretty short!

FOSTERED #6

I’m kind of at an eh with this book, honestly! This month consisted of stressing over a scene I couldn’t get quite right, until @sarahkelsiwrites gave me some awesome advice while I was mid *sarah help me*. She said “Just end it where you’ve written up to and come back to it later” which is so insanely simple, but helpful. Because I take long breaks between writing scenes sometimes, I tend to lose sight of a lot of details/initial excitement for scenes, which is basically what happened with this scene! So coming back to it later is actually a lot more helpful than trying to piece together words I meant to write weeks prior, if that makes sense. This was actually something I tried to actively avoid, but it seems to be working way better now!

Sarah is my #1 supporter and I dunno man this book wouldn’t have made it past literally the first chapter header if it weren’t for her lol, so bless her patient soul. 

Also, me when I’m writing:

sarahhhhhhhhhh

my kayak is sinkingggggg

sarahhhhHHHAahhh

I did do a thing I REALLY LOVE for this book this month and that’s chapter titles!

A few months ago, I wrote a chapter that I just *knew* needed a chapter title (Table Manners). After writing it, I tried naming the rest of the chapters in this book, and it wasn’t actually as fun as I thought it would be lol. I couldn’t come up with anything I liked, so I dropped the endeavor.

Welllll I came back to it a few days ago and well I have a whole list now:

honestly this book suck but deez titles doeeeeee

I’ve been writing this book for 9 months and this is like the only happiness it has brought me.

For those who can’t read my handwriting lol:

Breathing Room

Catherine

1997

Max

Double Jointed

Paper Negative

Earl Grey

Table Manners

Girl

Fort Tilden

Fluoxetine

Mother

The Garden

these!!!

!!!

I love them !!!!

they are my babies!!!

their content suck but I love them !!!! beautiful !!

Which chapter title is your favourite? I’m rather fond of how the list meshes as a whole because the atmos thooooo but I *love* Catherine, 1997, Girl, and Fluoxetine!

I thought it’d be cool to do a quick run down of why I chose these titles because there was a lot of thought??

PEOPLE YOU WILL NEED TO KNOW:

Reeve 

main character

stressed and tragic

Foster 

love interest ?? kind ? of ??? tofu boi???

?????

he’s hardly in any of these chapters so just imagine him making lentil soup instead??

Lonan 

problematic brother of MC

has picked a fight with Harrison for *no* reason, currently in his first month of being salty (TM)

Harrison 

feisty af but has a big heart

is tired of being walked on by Lonan

hurt af but using that salty energy to help people aw

Darren 

the only morally correct character

doesn’t realize what he’s gotten into

Emily

evasive, acts as a manic pixie dream girl figure throughout the novel, is unfortunately romanticized a lot even though she’s very much just a normal girl

1. Breathing Room

Ch. 1 is set in a very ‘claustrophobic’ time for every character

Gang is very divided after *various conflicts, but somehow manages to be suffocated by each other’s problems?

Both Harrison + Foster need some ‘breathing room’ from Reeve lol me too

how do you take a vacation from your first person narrator

2. Catherine

Reeve tries 2 be Darren’s new friend

Helps him set up his library

Title inspired by Catherine Earnshaw (Wuthering Heights)

Foreshadowing for where Reeve’s character ends up (particularly in her relationship w/ Darren)

Since they’re making a library, Wuthering Heights was *relevant*

3. 1997

“My mom met my dad on a Tuesday morning in 1997.”

that’s basically it

I dont know why this sentence just isn’t my parents met on a Tuesday morning etc etc but ok

lmaooo what is writing

4. Max

The name of Reeve’s father (who has died)

She heads out on a ‘de-stress’ vacay with Darren who is her new father figure ?? yonks

Lots of father references, mostly named Max because of Darren’s paternal-ness

5. Double Jointed

@sarahkelsiwrites gave me this idea lol

let’s just say our girl breaks someone’s fingers ??

and a relationship ??

ouch??

6. Paper Negative

Reeve is looking thru family photos

Lonan shows up and starts being a brat

he’s the negative haaha

7. Earl Grey

Reeve makes Lonan tea and some is subsequently spilled

8. Table Manners

Harrison fights w/ Lonan and Reeve has the audacity to tell him he needs to find some manners lol

9. Girl

Reeve glorifies Emily as being this eccentric but perfect person when in reality she’s just a girl

At the same time, degrades her as a ‘lolita’ figure

Lots of toxic femininity

Highkey not stolen from John Lennon

a giiiiiiiiirl

This excerpt kind of explains the whole unhealthy a) glorification of her and b) judgements Reeve makes (tis long and unedited as a heads up):

She’s perched on the armchair next to him. Her feet, unsocked and half-baked laze atop the teakwood desk. She’s at a beach, maybe. Lost her sandals in the tide, mind in the boardwalk. Her hair is shorter, cut to curl at her chin. Red, as always, like the carmine lacquer chipped off her toenails. Shoulders are thin, her waist edges toward gaunt. But I’m sure he doesn’t tell her that. She’s beautiful to him. Starving herself, or taking turns fondling the new Marlboros he sticks between his lips, she’s still beautiful. A puff from him, trade-off, pivoted elbow, kiss from her. Her ribs stick out beneath her tank top, but he loves her. Size zero, tape measure a noose. With all her flaws, he makes love to her through rings of smoke.   

Smoking kills you. I want to tell her. That smoke goes straight for your throat. You’ll be forty at twenty. What about your beauty regime? Butted out like he’ll do to your heart, to that cigarette you do unspeakable things to. Aren’t you afraid of being ugly?            

I won’t, though. She’s doing nothing wrong. Sat in shorts with her bra leering from under her tank-top, toes flexing, shoulders meager. Guilty, no, garish, yes. I’ve never noticed the gold she wears in her ears until now.            

Somehow, she’s managed to remain on his side. With her body like dust, and temperament like mercury, he sits at his desk with her, lets her look at the findings on his laptop screen. I should get them rings for their left hands, an extra diamond for her. A mantle and a spellbook, a white dress and a bouquet. A four-post bed complete with a chiffon canopy for when he canopies her. Rose petals, and champagne. Congratulations. I’m so happy for you. I’ll save the date. 

She is a girl, like me, but with his attention. A girl who hasn’t asked for the speculation I impale her with. A girl who doesn’t deserve it. I should be ashamed of myself. That’s what my mom would tell me if she heard the vile thoughts I choke Emily with. You should apologize and be friends with her, Reeve. That’s two weeks grounded, until you learn it’s not ladylike to ridicule her because you aren’t her. It’s not ladylike, Reeve, not ladylike. Where are your manners, young lady? 

who doesn't have manners now ???

10. Fort Tilden

A memory about a family reunion at this particular place

11. Fluoxetine

Reeve recounts her mother’s use of antidepressants

Lots of gaslighting in this chapter

12. Mother

The saddest of the titles, recounts a betrayal of a mother figure

Kind of very sad when reflected with the contents of the chapter

13. The Garden

Recounts an experience in a garden with a boy

The setting for the death of a relationship where things are kind of in constant growth? backwards growth?? decay ??

So yes! I rather love these, lol, they bring me very much happiness. 

Onto some book stats:

CURRENT WORD COUNT: 56 449

CURRENT PAGE COUNT: 97

STUFF I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO: Ohhh, I mentioned a few of these in my goals update post, but definitely additions to my shippy playlist: Some Kind of Love by The Killers, Happier (Acoustic) by Ed Sheeran, And I Love Her by The Beatles, Can’t Say No by Conor Maynard (my *personal* favourite)

MEDIA I’VE BEEN DIGGING: 

Sarah drew this GORGEOUS duo portrait of Ris and Reeve:

(yessss Harrison’s nose is so satisfyinggggg) 

I also made a header for Paper Negative w/ this family photo I found in the licensed for reuse w/ modification section on Google:

EXCERPT:

I edited this into the chapter of doom, and you know, I just re-read it and I’m not mad?? I think there are like *adjectives for dayzzzz*, but I think it’s almost where I want it??

His room is warm. Smells of old coffee and cigarette smoke. Emily isn’t here with him. But she’s left her things, yes, her books, and her spells, charms, and crystals. A circle of stones on her dresser, the clamshell rosary looped around the mirror. Set with candles, and beading, a dish of mildewed water. He’s dashed his cigarettes over her incense, and from the look he shoots me when he catches me looking, I figure he’s left them there without her permission. She occupies half of his room, her space bent in a diagonal path from half the door, to the right of the night table. Where she is, her space still breathes, ribbonned and decorated, pinned with dried flowers, and flutes of perfumes. Where he is, his space jitters.

It’s no surprise the left half of the room beams with just his energy. Lighters, and chewed pen caps, posters and pictures and drawings tacked to every breathable inch of the walls, even leaking onto the ceiling. The map, hanging next to his bed, ripped and sewn together again by bits of cellotape. Two opposites under one roof.

And what would I be, then, if I inhabited this room? Not a roommate, or partner, but possibly a lampshade, or chest of drawers. Unimportant enough to not notice every day. Only missed when unavailable. Perhaps I would be of no particular use, too, like Emily’s hanging terrarium, or Harrison’s tossed out marker drawings.

So that’s all for this update, y’all. Hoping July brings back a spark, lol. If not, you can bet I’ll be thoroughly looking for it in the meantime. ;) Thanks for reading!

--Rachel

[armcd73]

Quick Movie Review: “The Circle” (2017)

You know what true irony is? The fact that “The Circle” (2017) is the epitome of unfulfilled potential, despite Mae saying that was her greatest fear.

Spoilers for “The Circle” (2017) Ahead

Just watched this movie for the first time, and this ending was very disappointing. I loved the idea though. I wish they had made a TV show instead, or a miniseries, so that 1) there was more evidence of corruption in The Circle Company, 2) there was more climactic of an ending in bringing down the company, and 3) there was a defined aftermath of the company’s collapse.

Also, I could not exactly make out a clear main theme of this movie. I thought it was going to be that complete transparency was too controlling and invasive and that privacy was a human right, but it turned out in the end to be a mixed message. It turned out to say that complete transparency can unearth corruption and prevent crime, but can also cause literal death as lack of privacy leads to feeling trapped, paranoid and invaded (i.e. Mercer drove off a bridge to avoid being caught by drones and video cameras).

So which is it? Should we be 100% transparent, or not? For me personally, just getting this tumblr account was anxiety-inducing, and the only reason I did it was because I know I’ll probably never get a following; this is more a documentation of my thoughts and memories for myself to look back on later. But imagining my entire life being broadcasted to the world… horrifying. I’d go off the grid. But I DO see the appeal of some of the aspects of the movie: SoulSearch caught a criminal, Circle Accounts could break through all of the bureaucratic red tape (though I don’t like the idea of a private company controlling that - AKA capitalism + control = corruption), and the life saving medical systems seem like a brilliant idea (also convenient since I’m tired of filling out a stupid clipboard every doctor’s visit). So some aspects of transparency are beneficial and make the world a safer place. But when they go too far (finding someone who didn’t want or NEED to be found, capitalism controlling the government, and… well honestly I can’t think of anything wrong with the medical system… that needs to happen), people’s lives could actually be in danger. But see, the movie never established a clear “is this good or bad” statement. It didn’t even say that SOME transparency is good SOMETIMES. It leaves the audience to decide, right?

Wrong. In the end, everything around the world is still being filmed. Mae is being followed by drones while she’s kayaking. Why? When I go on a hike (never been kayaking, so I guess hiking is similar in nature) I like the solace and serenity that comes from being alone. I don’t want a drone following me around! And neither did Mae until it saved her life that one time! But after her friend literally DIED from being involuntarily watched, she’s still cool with being transparent? There is no defined message here. No defined conclusion. “The Circle” simply “continued” (get it?!? My mom actually made that connection, lol) despite the ethical questions and literal DEATH that occurred. And maybe that was the point, but it was just incredibly disappointing and was the opposite of a concrete conclusion.

So, I think that this movie should have been made into a 3 hour long movie or maybe a 6 episode/6ish hour miniseries (anything over 6 might be too excessive plot-wise). This would have been necessary to establish a clear theme at the end and help the audience come to a conclusion about the pros/cons of transparency and the value of privacy. Because this movie could have been GREAT. It was an intriguing and relevant concept seeing as how I just had a conversation with my dad earlier today about how our phones listen to us to decide what content to project (Pinterest especially is nuts about listening in on you). Should we allow that to happen? I, personally, say no. But this movie, despite being a discussion on this very topic, did not answer that question. The only stance that it took was “sometimes transparency is good, mostly it’s bad, but we’re just going to do it anyway because capitalism and plot holes.”

Moral of the story here is I will probably not watch this movie again. I give it maybe a 3/10; it still tackled a great concept, but simply didn’t support it like it should have. It is supported by nothing but a good cast and familiar names (and the acting was actually disappointing for who they had casted). It could have been so much better had it served it’s purpose and ended with more of a “bang.” Turns out this movie was what Mae feared after all: unfulfilled potential.

[szopenhauer]

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? harem pants

When was the last time you laid in bed with someone else? few days ago

Do you ever give things away to your friends? yes but don’t ask me to give you my stuff, that’s just rude :( Does it make you uncomfortable when your parents talk about finding people attractive? they never do that unless my mom tries to tell me how she wished I look like lol Is there anyone’s friendship or relationship, in particular, that makes you jealous? I envy straight priviledge Have you ever made a friendship pact with someone, where you pricked your fingers and became blood-bonded?  creepy, wouldn’t do that

Have you ever been to Pride?  nope If you are a part of a certain fandom, is there a rivalry between your fandom and another one (e.g., Lady Gaga fans vs. Katy Perry fans or Marvel vs. DC)? I don’t feel it personally How many people would you say you are close with?  just a couple Do you ever have smell hallucinations? I believe  If you were told by a professional that you were unable to become pregnant, how would that affect you? Is there something important to you about conceiving a biological child rather than adoption?  I’d be happy  Is there something that you did not used to take seriously, that you either now take seriously or wish that you had in the past (e.g., a relationship that you miss, your education, etc.)? possibly Are you physically affectionate with your friends? nah When you were in middle school and high school, did you witness a lot of bullying? How did the teachers react to name-calling or violence? I was a victim and teachers didn’t care If there is a specific celebrity (or two, or three!) that you dislike, is it because of petty reasons or is it because they’ve done something absolutely damning in your mind? depends Do you ever find yourself making negative comments about other people’s appearances, whether it’s people you dislike or even just people on tv? yep

Have you seen any Tim Burton movies?: sure, his Batman was the best Sleep with just one pillow?: one’s usually not enough

Ever used a dream catcher? If so, did it work? I trashed it Ever woke up crying?: yeah

Do you own a white pair of shorts? my mother found my old jean shorts this week but I don’t plan on wearing them any time soon

When is the person you like birthday? next year, March

Do you like 3D movies? can’t watch them, they make me sick, I only see red and blue around 2D stuff that is going on the screen

How many windows/tabs are open on your computer right now? 6 with this one

Is there someone you wish you were closer with? grandma

^What’s stopping you from being closer with them? personal

Has someone ever accused you of not being creative enough? that happened

Are you listening to music? Prince How are you temperature-wise? 37,3 as I just ate hot food and I feel sick

Do you worry about how you will look when you’re older? not really Will you try to stay youthful for as long as possible? In some ways. What will you think when you look back on your current self? omg How old would you say you act? it varies Who is one person you could never live without? we can live without everybody but I don’t wanna/can not imagine living without my father and my current partner

What are the last three songs you listened to? Royal & the Serpent - Overwhelmed

Steven Wilson - Pariah feat. Ninet Tayeb

Ashnikko - Daisy

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? how...

Do you like sour candy? not a fan

How far away is / was your bus stop for middle school?: it was close so I was walking there 

Do you chew on pencils? Or just the eraser?: neither, yuk

When you were little, did you ever think fog was scary?: I like fog

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? mmm 

Have you held hands with anyone lately? I have

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? they are

Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? don’t feed my paranoia

does the song you’re listening to/last heard evoke any emotion for you?: yep

What profession do you respect? for example - firefighters *I actually don’t respect doctors and nurses, sorry not sorry

Have you ever ate something you’ve dropped on the floor, if so what? when I was in pre-school I was pushed and lost my cucumbers from a sandwich and I picked them up and ate and then I got very ill so... do not recommend

How do you know when you’re in love, what’s the main sign? one of the sings is me being extra patient towards someone I have a crush on

What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? I’m trying!

Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? doing the right thing is more important to me because who cares if I do the wrong thing right? it won’t be right anyway

Do you believe in the term “Mother knows best? umm no sorry mom

If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? not sure

How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? love

Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? no, not my thing

What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? it changes every now and then

If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? can I cast a healing spell on myself?

What is the funniest joke you have ever heard about? Siedzi sobie sroka na sośnie, a tu niespodziewanie do sosny podchodzi krowa i zaczyna się wspinać. Sroka w szoku obserwuje jak krowa powolutku siada koło niej na gałęzi. Wreszcie pyta krowę: - Krowa, co ty robisz? - No przyszłam sobie wisienek pojeść. - Ty Krowa... ale to jest sosna, a nie wiśnia. - Spoko... Wisienki mam w słoiczku! Who depends on you the most? don’t ask me

Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? sexy! if only I was taller

Has one of your biggest fears come true? came true

Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? hard to explain 

What embarrasses you instantly? what doesn’t...

What current event are you tired of hearing about? covid

How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? depends

Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? sadly not

How are you different from most people? in plenty of ways

What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? adopting a baby instead of breeding (not that everyone who adopts is a good parent but it makes you better than having your own kid in my opinion)

[tavarillasgalen]

2017

The year of recovery.

Another year of doing things I’d always wanted to, right from the very start. My first New Year’s party. I rung in 2017 with my first New Year’s kiss. I went to see the ice castles. I officially dropped out of my sorority. I got out of a toxic living situation and moved into my own studio apartment and got my first taste of truly living alone. I quite like it. I got to really experiment in the kitchen for the first time and came up with some dishes I love. I got to decorate, a bit, grocery shop, all of that. It was a dimly lit apartment, but it was a space all mine. 

I went to the Vagina Monologues at Westmini and performed in the one at the U. I conquered my fear of my roommate and didn’t let her presence keep me from performing. And I was good. I was really good.

My boyfriend and I celebrated 1 year of being together and Valentine’s by going out to a fancy restaurant. The bf and I went to the ballet and got insanely good seats. $100 seats for the student price of $15? yes please. We went on a little picnic and then to Benihana for his 21st. We went to the Holi festival. We celebrated his first publication. We went to a Cold War Kids concert. We went to an art show he had pieces in. We went to another art show a mutual friend have pieces in.We went to the Tulip Festival. We went to an underground hotspring at the Homestead Crater with some Westminster friends and all got dinner at Red Rock after. We went out a few times with his friends. We went to my first Pride. We went to a baseball game and mercilessly made fun of the teams the whole time. I celebrated Eid with his family and their Bosnian Muslim community. We went to the Red Butte Gardens. We went paddleboarding/kayaking for the first time. We went to the State Fair and got the ice cream that makes you look like a dragon. We went to see bell hooks talk at UVU and then later to a MUSE concert. We went axe-throwing (he kicked my ass). We went to Antelope Island and got caught in the middle of a giant herd of bison. We went to a Halloween party hosted by the couple who’s wedding we went to last year. So many cute little dates all throughout the year - to the aquarium, to park city, to the mountains, to stargaze, etc. So many movie nights and cuddles and making food together (our lava cakes tho... so bomb). Hanging out while he did research over the summer. When I lived on my own, I texted him whenever I didn’t feel safe, and he’d come right over and just be with me. Seeing Christmas lights. Ice-skating. Him spending more time with my family, building a gingerbread town. 

I went blonde for a few months. The girl who did it first messed up and my roots were white and there was a band of darker blonde, but the salon fixed it for free. I’d always wanted to go blonde, so that was cool.

I started auditioning again, and I got a part in a commercial for a concert for the deaf and hard of hearing! A few months later, I got my first paid role in a workout series. I met with an agency, and whereas the agent told everyone else there for acting to “email me a reel, and I’ll get back to you”, she took one look at my resume and was like “this is impressive, I’ll email you about callbacks.” I went to callbacks, and they said they’d sign me if I cleared my skin, went back to my natural hair color, and brushed up a bit with some acting classes. 

I went down the southern Utah six times this year. Once with my dad and michael. Once with the whole family. Once with my dad and johnny. Once with my mom and my younger brothers. Once with my bf. Once with everyone except for mom and david. Mostly, we stuck around Snow Canyon and the outskirts of Zion. But with my dad and Johnny, we also hit up Bryce Canyon and Capitol Reef. With my bf, we had a romantic bath, and spontaneously went to the Grand Canyon. 

I turned 21, and I have a whole other post about that experience lol. But it’s nice to be able to go to bars and order cocktails when I go out to eat. Amaretto is def my fav. 

I went to the lantern festival and it was as magical as that scene in Tangled made it look.

I went to Pennsylvania with my mom to visit family. We stayed in the house she grew up in, visited with family, got ice cream from my cousin’s work. Had cocktails and talked on the porch. Went out with my cousins and their friends. Went on a coal mine tour. Lots of home-cooked meals and just casually hanging out. Walking around Scranton, my mom reminiscing on her childhood. It was really lovely. 

I did a video shoot with Bella - basically a “day in the life at the stable”. She did so great with the cameras, I was impressed!

I got my tubes tied, and my boyfriend was such a support through it all. Driving me to surgery, taking care of me after, taking me to get acai bowls and play games, helping me around. Being there for me too when my parents found out and were furious. 

I’ve gotten close with Bella again. Moving back in with my parents definitely helped, because then I could see her everyday. It’s still a process, but it’s so much better than it was. Hanging out with her in the pasture. Riding for fun. Just sitting with her in her stall. I feel like I’m still somewhat scared of her after the kicking incident, but I’m slowly getting over that. I love her. I truly do. I am so grateful to have her in my life. She has been so sweet and saucy. And I feel like a good rider most of the time. I’m very grateful for things slowly going back to how they were in this regard; getting my relationship with my horse back.

Classes spring semester were again, a struggle. I just barely passed some and failed others. Mental health things, you know. Hard to pass a class when you can hardly ever go to class. Summer semester, I started off strong, but ended up dropping all my classes and taking the summer off, per my dad’s suggestion. Fall semester, I did all online, and I was able to keep up, for the most part. I passed all my classes and finally got taken off probation and put back into good-standing. For the first time since being at the U, my semester gpa was above a 2.0.

I attempted therapy multiple times, found one I liked, but the commute was 4 hours rt, so I quit fast. I recently found another, and so far, it’s alright. It’s progress, you know? Progress is important. 

I did a summer internship with the Start By Believing campaign in Salt Lake. Such an incredible experience; I felt like I was actually making a difference, and so amazing to be working alongside like-minded and determined people. 

I lost ten pounds, and have reached a point with my body where I don’t feel absolutely terrible if I overeat. I’m only 15 lbs away from my goal weight, something I can easily achieve through working out regularly and eating healthfully. Here’s to that in 2018.

I learned soooooo much about makeup, skin care, and hair care. I started investing in high end makeup. I started actually cleansing my face and exfoliating and moisturizing and all of that. I started using hair oils and the like. I can’t believe I didn’t do all of this before, especially with my dry skin and hair, but now, skin care is one of my favorite things. Sephora’s quickly become my favorite store. My hair is actually soft and silky all the time.

I went on accutane, and it’s finally starting to clear my skin! The only side effect I’ve experienced has been the extreme dryness everyone does. 

After moving back in with my family in July, my relationships with all of them have increasingly gotten better. It’s good. So good. I really regret having grown so distant over the course of college, but I’m doing my best to mend things. Thanksgiving was good; Christmas was even better. I feel like I got everyone great gifts. And I’m grateful things are better. 

I started regaining interest in things I used to love. Reading for fun. Drawing. Writing. I’ve stopped caring so much about what other people think of me. I’ve started caring more about my health. I feel like I’ve made real steps towards recovery and self-betterment this year. I’ve stopped being so tolerant of not being treated as well as I deserve. I’ve started forcing myself to do things, because I know I’ll regret it later if I don’t. I feel like I’ve made real progress as a person this year. Here’s to more of that in 2018. 

[kakooshi]

Know me even MORE

I was tagged by @theredstarassassin (Sorry this took ages, sweetie! *cries* My school work has just been piling up for the past two weeks and I didn’t want to do this on mobile so….here goes!)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (Oh boy, this is gonna be a long one…)

Note: To the people that I have tagged, don’t feel obligated to do this! It’s rather long lol…

Drink: Water Phone Call: My Mom  Text message: My Mom again lulz Song you listened to: There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes Time you cried: Eh…I can’t remember. 

HAVE YOU…

Dated someone twice: I’ve never dated Kissed someone and regretted it: I once kissed a lady’s hand when I was little because I thought it was a polite thing to do. I ended up embarrassing myself instead and I kinda regret it up to this day. Been cheated on: Like I said, I’ve never dated, so I’ve never experienced that. Lost someone special: My dear uncle :’( Been depressed: A little bit Gotten drunk and thrown up: Gotten tipsy but never went beyond that so no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: Blue, Red, Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

Made new friends: Yes Fallen out of love: with Rick Riordan’s books Laughed until you cried: Nah. That would be so weird imo Found out someone was talking about you: Lmao I wish Met someone who changed you: Do my online friends count? Found out who your friends are: Yeah..well some of them. Kissed someone from your Facebook list: Yeah. But only on the cheek, okay?

GENERAL

How many Facebook friends do you know irl: Most of my Facebook friends are actually from my school so I’d say 40+ Do you have any pets: A golden retriever, a Japanese spitz, a pug, and a half-papillon, half-rascal Do you want to change your name: Nah. But the name “Kiara” sounds pretty nice. What did you do for your last Birthday: Had a pizza party with the family What time did you wake up: 5:20 am What were you doing at midnight last night: Chatting on Discord with my homies Name something you can'wait for: Snk Season 3 (especially the Uprising arc)  When was the last time you saw your mom: She’s actually on the couch at the moment hahaha What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: The times when I fucked up, of course. What are you listening to right now: A soap opera ugh  Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No Something that is getting on your nerves: Notifications from Google Classroom Most visited website: Tumblr, Youtube, and AO3

RANDOM INFO

Mole/s: There’s one on my left cheek Mark/s: Let’s see…I got this scar on my forearm back from when I punched a glass casing…and some burn marks from cooking and getting too close to exhaust pipes…yeah…. Childhood dream: To get in the voice acting industry (even tho my voice is so derp) Hair color: Dark Brown Long or short hair: Long (Below shoulder length but above the small of my back) Do you have a crush on someone: Tom Holland What do you like about yourself: My oratory skills…sort of… Piercings: Just on my ear lobes Blood type: O Nickname: Gaby Relationship status: Single and definitely not ready to mingle Zodiac: Aquarius Pronouns: She/Her Favorite TV Show: How I Met Your Mother Tattoos: They’re either fake or painted Right or left hand: Right Surgery: Fortunately no Hair dyed in different color: My hair is untainted

Sport: Tennis, Swimming, Kayaking, Ping-pong, Shotokan Karate (I’m inactive af in everything except the last one) Vacation: US, Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong Pair of trainers: Is this about shoes? If so, then I guess 3.

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: I’ve said kisses before but now I think hugs are better because they feel more wholesome somehow Lips or eyes: Eyes Shorter or taller: Taller Older or younger: Depends on the attitude, really. Nice arms or nice stomach: WHY CANT IT BE BOTH Sensitive or loud: Both lol Hook up or relationship: Relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: A mix in-between

HAVE YOU EVER…

Kissed a Stranger: Hell no Drank hard liquor: I was almost tempted to drink absinthe one time…I’m glad I didn’t. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Do shades count? Turned someone down: Yes. Indirectly. Sex on the first date: Still a virgin. For the third time, I’ve never dated. Broken someone’s heart: My Mom at some point :’( Had your heart broken: Yes. By some friends over the years. Been arrested: Almost Cried when someone died: Yes Fallen for a friend: Yes, but I got over it quickly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Yourself: Maybe Miracles: Yes Love at first sight: FRIENDSHIP FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING Santa Claus: YEAH! (I’m such a child….) Kiss on the first date: As long as it’s a chaste one on the cheek, I’m good. 

OTHER

Current best friend name: Don’t have a best friend Eye color: Dark brown Favorite movie: The Proposal

Tagging: @kageyama-tobiyo @ereri-is-my-aesthetic @bluelemonadejuice @yourneverutterlyalone @mastia @apetitan @azxrae @armoredtiitan @theblueeyed @thatmikasa @luciemiddleford @minorin06 @swaggitarius-potato @isatastrophe @sanspert @comewhatmay-dontgiveafuck @rozarrianne @hazelhime @let-steph-sleep @levi-nyanchou

[bienmoreau]

I was tagged by @andrewminyarrr IDk if you meant for me to do both the games but that’s what I did…

RULES: tag 9 people you want to get to know better

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single FAVOURITE COLOUR: blue or bright yellow LIPSTICK OR CHAPSTICK: lip balm LAST SONG I LISTENED TO: Can You Hold Me - NF LAST MOVIE I WATCHED: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 TOP 3 TV SHOWS: Letterkenny, Black Books and Baccano TOP 3 CHARACTERS: Jean Moraeu, Jeremy Knox and Wylan Van Eck TOP 3 SHIPS: Jerejean, Wylan/Jesper/Kuwei and lailalvarez BOOKS I’M CURRENTLY READING: just(ish) finished Timekeeper (READ IT) and now gonna read Our Dark Duet

rules - you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 (ish) people.
 THE LAST 1. drink: Tea 2. phone call: The vet 3. text message: to Libby about parrots 4. song you listened to: Can you hold me. 5. time you cried: ummm last week sometime cause of stress abt my dog.
6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: lol yeah (Where’s question 8?) 9. lost someone special: yes. 10. been depressed: well damn ain’t that the question 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yeh but not for a long time.

3 favourite colours 12. All the blues 13. Yellows 14. Dark dark red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. made new friends: irl. No. only lost them. On here yes absolutely. 16. fallen out of love: haven’t been in love in years fam. 17. laughed until you cried: oh heck yeh 18. found out someone was talking about you: yeaup. 19. met someone who changed you: I don’t think so. But again I’ve been changed more by people I lost this year 20. found out who your friends are: my who now? (Like people on here tho then hell yeh) 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: not in the last year no

GENERAL 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all but 1 23. do you have any pets: a dog and 2 cats 24. do you want to change your name: nope. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: had a big meal with a bunch of my family members (siblings and my nephews and my cousins and their partners and my parents) 26. what time did you wake up: 7:20 and then 9:15. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: drinking tea and catching up with so v old friend who just got back from traveling 28. name something you can’t wait for: MEETING LIBBY! OMG! 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: bang on a week ago (Where’s question 30?) 31. what are you listening to right now: my brother practice a song for the band he plays piano in. 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: unfortunately 33. something that is getting on your nerves: fandom and people being rude/nasty generally 34. most visited website: This feckin hell site 35. hair colour: mouse brown 36. long or short hair: middleish but I’m contemplating cutting it up to me ears/chin 37. do you have a crush on someone: nope. 38. what do you like about yourself: my practicality 39. piercings: used to have my ears done but they healed up 40. blood type: not a clue my dude 41. nickname: idk. Haze or H sometimes? 42. relationship status: hasn’t changed from the last time this asked. 43. zodiac: Gemini 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: Letterkenny atm. 46. tattoos: no but I think I want two. 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: nope. 49. piercing: see as above. 50. sport: horse riding, swimming, skiing and kayaking 51. vacation: was at Glastonbury Festival a couple weeks ago 52. pair of trainers: ?? My diy galaxy converse?

MORE GENERAL 53. eating: just had spinach soup 54. drinking: tea. 55. i’m about to: go rewatch Bacano with my bro 56. waiting for: not much 57. want: to feel passionate abt something again 58. get married: sure, someday, hopefully 59. career: don’t know yet but hopefully something in New Zealand

WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: HUGS 61. lips or eyes: Eyes 62. shorter or taller: don’t think I really mind but it’s not hard to be taller than me 63. older or younger: same or maybe a little older? Not sure I mind as long at its close tho
64. nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach I think. 65. hook up or relationship: relationship. 66. troublemaker or hesitant: middle ground

HAVE YOU EVER: 67. kissed a stranger: yes 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: dont wear them 70. turned someone down: yup 71. sex on the first date: need to have had a date for that. 72. broken someone’s heart: doubt it. 73. had your heart broken: not in a romantic sense 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: uhh- yeh. 76. fallen for a friend: not properly but I’ve entertained the idea before

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: most of the time 78. miracles: no 79. love at first sight: not really no. 80. santa claus: no 81. kiss on the first date: weird question. And like? Who am I say what’s cool in this hypothetical situation? 82. angels: no

OTHER: 83. current best friend’s name: would need a best friend for that 84. eye colour: Hazel 85. favorite movie: not sure.

And I'ma tag @kaisrchiefs @wesawbears @faintlyglow @cecilyacat @sourpastels and @punkbrenderesa (I miss you bro)

[angelissalivia]

Belajar taat (2).

If I had a pensieve, or if I could bottled up some of my memories like in those Harry Potter movies, i would definitely documented some specific fragments that shaped my life today. i would bottled and stored those memories like in the Inside Out movie and revisited them in my personal pensieve when the hard time came and the only motivation i got was “don’t give up, remember why you started”.

well, instead of imaginary pensieve, bottles of memories and balls of feelings, i will write down some of those important fragments here, in this blog. here we are..

One of the biggest milestones in the 25 years of my life was announced a week ago: i was accepted as Calon Pegawai Negeri Sipil (CPNS) Provinsi DKI Jakarta.

there is this amusing long story behind it, and maybe as a starter you should read my first story here:

http://angelissalivia.tumblr.com/post/158999869372/belajar-taat

after 2 years of working at Bappeda Jakarta with all those questions to God, there was a mass recruitment as civil servants in government agencies in Indonesia, Jakarta included. During those 2 years (2 years and a half now) i was slowly changing my perspective, from a skeptical fresh graduate to a realistic citizen and employee. I registered myself to be a civil servant in Bappeda Provinsi DKI Jakarta. There was an obstacle along the way, but long story short, after 6 months i was accepted as CPNS DKI Jakarta. 

I will surely write about that obstacle in another post in this blog. And for now, i will only summarize the important fragments that shaped me and being the reason i changed my perspective over the years.

1. My boss and colleagues in the office.

I am very lucky to have a boss like Pak Feirully Irzal. He, and also Pak Afan Adriansyah and Bu Tuty Kusumawati (as well as the people around my cubicle), completely changed my initial perspective about the corrupt and lazy PNSes. They are working so hard with so heavy responsibilities, and no sign of corrupt and lazy here. On top of that, Pak Rully was the real MVP in helping me getting through those exhausting time when i had to go back and forth to BKD - BKN - Sekda - BKD - and so on. I am forever grateful.

2. The expectation and trust from the closest ones.

My mother always wants me to be a PNS, and my brother always says “dosen gw bilang, di pemerintahan itu kalo bukan kita mau siapa? mahasiswa2 dari timbuktu sana?”. I was very reluctant at first, especially when i just graduated from college. Around that time, my ex told me “kalo kamu mau benerin sistem, harus dari dalem. aku setuju sama mama kamu, kamu jadi PNS aja”. And even after i started working as Tenaga Ahli in Bappeda, he reassured me by saying “aku gapapa ga kerja sesuai bidang aku, aku fokus kerja cari uang. trus pasangan aku yang jadi pakar di bidangnya. kayak bu Sri Mulyani, alpha woman yang dicari orang di bidangnya”. Even after we live in our separate ways now, i still remember those empowering words from him. I thank him for that. (thank you next? LOL #yousingyoulose)

3. What God told me through my pastor-cousin

This is probably the one reason that strengthen me the most. The one that held my head up, kept me going and not giving up or losing hope. One day, out of the blue, my aunt’s friend, Tante Desy, who is already like my own aunt, invited us to come to her church because there was a guest pastor: Yerry Pattinasary, my cousin. He was preaching about youth and mature-kind of love, but at some point i felt like he spoke directly to me and my mother who was also there with me -- or should I say God spoke directly to us through him. He said “berdua sama Tuhan itu cukup. saat kita merasa kita sendirian, sebenarnya kita ini lagi diangkat sama Tuhan, Tuhan lagi ngulurin tangannya dan Tuhan bilang “ayo nak, tinggal kita berdua”, Tuhan mau buat keajaiban di hidup kita, Dia mau bikin hal-hal luar biasa terjadi di hidup kita”. 

Well that was like a fresh breeze because that was exactly how i felt at the time! I was feeling lonely and starting to doubt myself about the choices i made in life. He even told a story of him losing his father, my uncle, and the lesson he learnt from God when he lost his phone that made him accepting the loss and grieve of losing a father. I was almost screaming to my mom “mom did you hear that? we should too! Look how far God took us since papa passed away: He made me a cumlaude graduate right on the day papa passed, He made you the project manager in those huge projects in your office, He enables you to build those high rise buildings! and so on and so on" (not to mention the blessings He gave me after i broke up haha). 

That, is what calms me. I believe that if God wants me to be a PNS, although there are thousands of obstacles in the way, God will make a way. All i have to do is trust him and do basically whatever i can do: waiting for the announcements, following the red-tape procedures, and letting God do the rest that is out of my hands. Turns out it works!

...

Finally, I believe there is no coincidence in this story, I believe God is shaping me through the people i mentioned above. I really cannot thank them enough for all the cross-paths and the lessons they taught me. I am feeling grateful and blessed.

Let His Name be praised.

.

.

Sincerely,

Your future civil servant.

[theolivechickken]

Game of Turons

May or may not be missing Filipino food at this point..

April 1

Quick day-trip to Mostar. It’s so beautiful here! We had a fresh little taste-tour of homemade and local cheeses paired with bread, paprika spread, and salami. We had the chance to try a bitter cherry drink (I thought it was pretty sweet and tasty) and also this syrupy cookie. Basically a lunch. We weren’t entirely hungry afterwards, so we grabbed a cone of gelato and sat out on the ruins of the original bridge (Stari Most) and watched as bridge jumpers collected money from tourists and took the plunge. Sugar mama Craven also needed to spend those marks, so she treated everyone to some fine souvenirs. We all got matching bracelets (yay friendship) and also got some matching copper earrings (sorry pat). I could finally see the appeal of shopping since I just had money to throw around and get rid of.

Holy hell it is hot out. A toasty 80-ish degrees. How am I going to survive when I come back home to So-Cal and Phoenix?? I used to think anything below 90 degrees was cold and now I’m perfectly warm and comfortable in 45-50 degree weather. We had an afternoon tour to learn about the history of Mostar and visit a mosque and Kajtaz house. We were also able to climb the museum tower next to Stari Most and talk to a local who had been living in Mostar at the time of the wars and helped to rebuild the new bridge despite the fact that he was held captive in the war, used as a human shield, and lost some mobility in his left arm. He was very friendly and open about his experiences.

Uno ruins friendships. We played an almost endless 2 hour game on the bus ride to Dubrovnik and the only reason we stopped (besides the fact that we were already over the game) was because the sun was going down and we couldn’t tell yellow from green anymore.

April 2

Game of thrones who?? Yeah so I still have yet to finish the show. Please no spoilers and I’m sorry that I might not be able to fully understand the settings here that were used in the show. BUT I WILL SOMEDAY.

I’m in love with Dubrovnik. I love the ocean and the sea. Basically any body of natural water. I love the fresh air and the warm sun and the salty breeze. I love the orange rooftops and the FREAKING castle in the middle of town. I love the cliffsides that are inviting us to dive into the freezing cold water.

I got wet. We went down to the rocky cliffs and I wanted to get close enough to dip my toes into the water. Welp, I did. But then the waves were excited to see me too and just whipped my legs, soaking my pants from the knees down. No worries though. There’s still enough time in the day to lie out on the rocks and let them air dry. And that’s what I did.

Please sir let me go kayaking. We still had time to kill and figured why not? It was such a challenge to figure out how to get down from the castle and streets level to the pebble beach area. We finally got down and the guy was like please don’t, I’m trying to close up shop for the day. It was 3:30pm. There’s still plenty of “day” but I guess he’s the boss of his own hours. We sat on the little pier overlooking the water and watched as the last few kayakers paddled back to shore and turned in their gear. We also saw Patrick at the top of the tower across the water! He came down to meet us at our spot. We also saw a youngish teenage boy rowing this girl to shore. Hi can I steal your boat? It was super tiny and could barely fit the two of them in it, but I tried imagining how to fit all four of us into it. We observed as he spent the next 10 minutes helping the girl out of the boat and then rowing to his parking spot, securing his boat to the ropes, and then nimbly climbing out to the pier deck. He made everything look so easy and we enjoyed playing with the idea that we’d all fall in the water or get stranded 5 minutes into rowing.

We took the world’s slowest taxi back up to the hotel, but at least he was a safe (unless driving too slow is dangerous?) driver. We changed into our swimsuits, excited to spend time in the pool at the hotel. I think it was old people hour though? I hope we didn’t disturb them too much. Our plan was to hang out in the hot tub but the water was lukewarm?? We sat in somewhat cool water and had jets attacking our limbs from every angle. Not really a grand time but definitely an interesting one. At one point, we gathered hands and prayed to the jacuzzi gods for the 2 seconds of warmth that would happen when the jets would first start up. 100% worth it for those two seconds.

April 3

I like the long bus rides- they are comfortable and prime time for introspection (#feeling inspired). Today’s extended pitstop is in Zadar. Home of the beautiful sunsets, Monument to the Sun, and Sea Organ. In the early afternoon, Patrick, Raine, Aubree, and I walked to the grocery store to pick up supplies for nutella and banana sandwiches (since there was no jelly). We also met up with Kaya and Sara and joined them at McDonald’s for lunch (fun fact: their cola weirdly tasted like bubblegum??)

We had Sara’s sparknotes cool-aunt version of a tour, which ended with us soaking up the sun, watching the rough waves roll and crash, and listening to the wondrous and unique song of the sea organ. We took a snack break to bring back pizza to eat while watching the red-dot sun set behind the voluptuous blue-purple clouds. The sun honestly seemed to slip away so quickly. Live it in the moment, folks. Sometimes it’s not worth it for the instagram. It’s worth it to be present.

We’re addicted to crazy 8 at this point and itching to head back to the hotel to connect to the wifi and destroy friendships. But first, gelato. Since it was late in the evening, our guy piled scoops into our cones.

April 4

Took a lovely nature stroll through Plitvice Lakes National Park! So many waterfalls gracefully cascading down. Such a pretty sight and I could never get tired of it. I just took my time walking through the paths, and at one point Sara encouraged us to spend 10 minutes sitting by ourselves in the sounds of nature. Blissful.

We had lunch outside and tried to not get dust blown into our food or get blown away from the strong winds. We let our food digest as we took a ride on the world’s slowest boat. It didn’t even feel like we were moving- the ride was almost too smooth.

When we arrived at Hotel Park, SaVanna’s mom (and her mom’s best friend) came out and surprised her in the lobby. We all couldn’t help but feel a little butt-hurt because 1. we were all on our periods (maybe Patrick too) and just emotional wrecks in general and 2. we hadn’t seen any of our loved ones for MONTHS and she had received a lot of love via care packages and letters from friends/family, her boyfriend visited her for spring break, and now her mom was here to surprise her for the weekend. Super happy for her but salty that we got slapped in the face with it.

Anyways, hello Ljubljana! Weird full circle. It’s like a combination of everywhere that I’ve visited. It’s got hints of Salzburg/Vienna/Budapest with its architecture, Amsterdam (with its bikes), Berlin (with it’s energy). Feels hip and fun. Had beers, burgers, and bomb conversations for dinner. Such a great time hanging out with the squad along the river and laughing about some of our most embarrassing stories. Afterwards we went back to the hotel and passed ouuuuut (rip crazy 8, maybe we’ll catch ya next time).

April 5

Ljubljana walking tour with another lovely guide! He was such a warm and welcoming soul, and he was very excited to show us around even though it was a wet and stormy day. I had an umbrella, but I still managed to get wet. Nike? More like yikes. Tried to keep my shoes dry but then the puddles continued to rise and my feet were already wet so might as well just go all out and step in the puddles. At the end of the tour, we had a river cruise, which turned into a champagne (booze) cruise courtesy of Katharina showing up to surprise Sara on her birthday :)

Had the most amazing falafel wraps in my life. Went back to the hotel to rest for a bit. Raine took a nap, but I just relaxed in the comfort of my dry, warm bed and watched youtube videos for a few hours.

Later, we ventured back out for dinner (at the same place that we visited the night before) and ended up staying out with the rest of the crew since they were at the same restaurant as us :)

April 6

Goodbye Ljubljana! At least it’s not raining today. One last stop before we return home: Postojna Cave. This cave is HUGE. We had to ride a little tram into the walkable parts of the cave, and I swear it was a 15 minute ride in a little cart on train tracks. It was jerky and weirdly close to the walls and I felt like I was going to hit my head every 10 seconds. Also got carsick on the ride, so it wasn’t the best tour of my life. Still, the caves were pretty impressive. How can rocks look like paper sometimes?? Our tour guide also had fun surprising us and at one point she went to the generator and turned off the lights and it was PITCH black. I’ve been in darkness before, but nothing compares to those few seconds in complete blackness. Everyone was talking and trying to find each other (even as we were standing next to one another to begin with) and I still felt like I was the only one in the area and everyone else was so far away.

At the end of the tour, we walked into a little cave room area where our photographs were up for sale. So that’s what those people were doing when we entered the tram entrance! They were literally all up in our faces with their flash photography and I thought they were trying to capture some famous person behind me or trying to get a picture of my face to document every individual who enters in case there’s a tragic emergency and they need evidence of who went in and didn’t come out, but turns out they were just trying to catch us as off guard as possible for the worst photos in the world lol

Back on the road again = back in my sleepyhead dreamland

We said our final goodbyes to our lovely bus driver Benny (rip cause these goodbyes were so short too). I’m gonna miss that Mr. Bean soul.

Yay for being home before the sun goes down for once! And hello spring in Salzburg! So excited to be here while the weather gods kindly bless us.

[awkwardlyjin-blog]

92 truths

I was tagged by my amazing friend @philophobia999 to do the 92 truths. Sorry this post is a mess, just like me.

Last

Drink: Water

Phone Call: Mom

Text: Gigi’s (to my mom when she asked where I was)

Song You Listened To: Rumor By: Kard

Time You Cried: Thursday...I think

Have You Ever?

Dated Someone Twice: No

Been Cheated On: No

Kissed Someone and Regretted It: No (I’ve never kissed anyone tho)

Lost Someone Special: Yeah

Been Depressed: Like Right Now

Gotten Drunk and Threw Up: Nope

List Three Favorite Colors

Red, Purple, Green (Black is a shade mhwahahahaa)

In the last year have you?

Made new friends: Yes, I love them dearly!

Fallen Out of Love: No, but I fell hard for these dudes Choi Youngjae and Kim Yugyeom.

Laughed Until You Cried: Yes.

Found out someone was talking about you: My family is so shady. I know they talk about me. rofl.

Met Someone Who Changed You: Chloe has made me talk about butts a whole lot more than I used to. Lol

Kissed Someone on Your Facebook List: Nope

How Many of Your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All but two

Do You Have Any Pets: My fat cuddle kitty Sinatra and king of rbf and loving headbutts kitty Jerry.

Do you want to change your name: I’ve learned to embrace Rain, but I do wish people would spell it right.

What did you do for your last birthday? I went kayaking with my mom and step dad.

What time did you wake up? Eleven a.m. opps.

What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching YouTube

Name something you cannot wait for? Seeing my friends again

When was the last time you saw your mom? A few hours ago.

What is one thing you wish you can change about your life? One particular person I wish wasn’t in it.

What are you listening to right now? Sinatra snoring

Have you talked to a person named Tom? Probably.

Something that is getting on your nerves: That one particular person.

Most Visited Website: YouTube

Elementary: Score

High School: In that

College: Don’t remind me

Hair Color: Darker Brown

Long or Short Hair: Mine is longer.

Do You Have a Crush on Someone: CHOI YOUNGJAE

What do you like about yourself: What do you think I have, self confidence. pfttt.

Piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but one closed and I didn’t find stabbing through my ear pleasant.

Blood Type: Why do you wanna know? Weirdo

Nickname: Literally anything to do with rain, water, or sparks.

Relationship Status: I’m always a hoe for Kim Yugyeom

Zodiac:Cancer

Pronouns: She/Her but call me what you like. I give no shizzz.

Favorite TV Show: Criminal Minds.

Tattoos: None

FIRST...

Surgery: Never had one

Piercings: Ears

Word: I don’t remember

Sport: Hahahahaha who do you think I am. JK I did karate for like six months when I was nine.

Vacation: Tybee Island

Pair of trainers: I don’t know what my first pair of shoes were.

RECENTLY...

Eating: Sunflower seeds

Drinking: Water

I’m About To: Sleep

Listening To: Sinatra Snore

Waiting For: When I can move to Canada.

Want: All idols to be happy and live stress free.

Do you want to

Get Married: Nope

Have a career and if so what: I want a career the so what part is what I’m trying to figure out.

Which is better?

Hugs or Kisses: How should I know.

Lips or Eyes: Eyes

Shorter or Taller: Well if it’s a boy I’d prefer him to be taller (I’m 5′1), but a girl can be any height.

Older or Younger: Doesn’t matter

Spontaneous or Romantic: Why not both?

Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: Who am I to judge?

Sensitive or Loud: Can’t a person be both? I don’t really care. If I fall for you, I fall for you.

Hook Up or Relationship: Relationship

Troublemaker or Hesitant: Hesitant was my automatic response, but it depends on what kind of trouble that trouble maker gets into.

Have You Ever

Kissed a Stranger: Nope

Drank Hard Liquor: That’s called a solid (I’m joking)

Lost Glasses/Contacts: Yup

Turned Someone Down: Nope

Sex On First Date: Nope

Broken Someone’s Heart: Nope

Had Your Heartbroken: Nope

Been Arrested: I got questioned because of bomb threats but everyone knew it wasn’t me.

Cried When Someone Died: Yes

Fallen For a Friend: One of my best friends actually but I got over it because they straight

Do You Believe In

In Yourself: Most of the time no

Miracles: Do you believe in magic in a young girl’s...

Love at First Sight: I’m conflicted

Santa Claus: Yeah, he can do whatever he hopes and dreams of.

Kiss On First Date: Why not

Angels: I mean have you seen Choi Youngjae?

Other...

Current Best Friend: Welp I have three... I love my soulmates Duck, Grim, and Gabs.

Eye Color: Green

Favorite Movie: Ughhhhhhhhh...Tangled???????

TAG: @jinsasleep @tinysnaku @nahjesti388 and anyone else who wants to do it. If I tagged you don’t feel pressured to do it. It’s all fun dude.

[szopenhauer]

Would you consider yourself a good flirt?

What do you like better about yourself: your boobs or butt? neither?

Have you ever been homeless? not yet :x

Have you ever been to a palm reader? If so, what did they say? nah, I can learn myself

What’s your bra size? *shrug*

Is there anybody that you’re glad that they aren’t in your lives anymore? could say so

Has anybody ever fought somebody for you? verbally

What color do you wear most often? not sure

Are you more likely to take the blame, or blame somebody else? I blame myself even when I blame somebody else lol

Do you like your hair? wouldn’t say so

Do you find it irritating when people don’t trust you? why would they trust me or anybody actually?

Would you consider yourself a busy person? as for a person who doesn’t do anything in particular...

Do you hate your phone? sometimes it annoys me but it’s fine

What was the reason for your last hospital visit? I’ve been to ER because of allergy

Have you ever driven while under the influence? I don’t drive nor drink so...

Describe the earrings you’re wearing, if any. my ears aren’t pierced but if they were I would wear tiny hoops or some weird shit like this spider I bought for John and never gave her

Do you know anybody who is studying abroad? used to know some ppl who did

How well can you swim? I can’t

What aren’t you going to miss about summer? mosquitos

Have you ever been kayaking before? no and don’t wanna

Do you ever wish you could go back in time? it’s complicated

Can you reach your back with your arms? not some parts

What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius is my sun sign but Capricorn is my dominant sign

Have you ever played Pac-Man? I don’t recall

What is something that you lack? where should I start...

Have you ever been told that you have a nice boobs? my gf likes them 

When’s the last time you ate a Tic-Tac? ages ago and don’t miss them, completele forgot they exist

Do you own any knick knacks? shitload

Have you ever said that something is “whack”? doubt it

When’s the last time you felt attacked? today

Do you crack your knuckles? Any other parts of your body? omg no, I hate it!

What’s the last thing you had to make a stack of? pile of clothes?

Is it hard for you to keep track of things? hmm...

What’s the last thing you accidentally whacked a body part on? not sure what part of my body I banged last

What does your most recent backpack look like? recently used or bought?

Have you ever crawled through a window? I think so

Is there anything in your past that you’d like to try again? sigh...

Who was the last person to come to your house? Gosia visited me yesterday to pee XD

Do you like winter time? nooooo

Who do you not get along with? majority of society

Have you ever been around someone who was high? yup

Do you like where you live? meh

Are you a jealous person? might be

Do you wish someone would call you? absolutely not, I dread phonecalls, unless hospital then only if they have good news

Wouldn’t it be cool to be able to read minds? not all the time like Buffy had because I would go crazy

Do people ever spell your name wrong? they spell and write my surname wrong and sometimes they use different names than I have like Zosia or Kamila wtf

Is there anyone you want to fix things with? ...

Why do you do these surveys? why not? it’s fun

Where did you last go outside you’re house? second hand and local food store to buy bread

What is the point of violence? depends

Do you like horror movies better or comedy? black comedy :P

You could move somewhere else, would you? yes

Do you like calling or texting better? texting

Night out or night in? in

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back? definitely not on my back

Whens the next time you will see the person you like? we planned to meet today but we’ll see

How do you look right now? not as bad as I feel

What do you think of when you hear the word “meow”? my gf 

where do you see yourself in 5 years? dead

who is the first guy that pops in your head? my father

have you ever read the book “the perks of being a wallflower”? watched a movie, it was nice

do you get dessert normally while out to eat? nope

have you ever let a door slam on someones face on purpose? whaaaat?!

who was your first kiss? my current partner

is there somewhere you’re meant to be right now? not really, nah

name one childhood memory. personal

where is your childhood best friend now? dunno

have you moved in the past 2 years? I never moved in my entire life

how many rooms are in your house? 3

can you see anything red at this moment? hand mirror

do you look at the keyboard when you type? when I start typing 

have you ever dated someone to get someone else jealous? umm...

have you ever been used; and then tossed to the side? more than once

if you look to your left do you see a window? I do indeed

Where do you want to live when you are older?: my own apartment 

When was the last time you were sick?: I’m chronically ill, does that count?

What is the relationship between you and the last person you kissed?: we’re in a relationship

Name something you disliked about the day you had today?: my body is itchy, I have period, my plans got ruined, I’m anxious, it’s cold and my dad isn’t home so I miss him, I regret spending money etc etc etc

Have you had your birthday this year yet?: yeah

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually?: not in details :x

Who was the last person you talked to last night in person before bed?: parent

Do you have clothes that belong to other people?: I don’t borrow clothes

If you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first?: my sister is already married 

What would you name your future daughter?: I’m not having children but I have a whole list of my fav names :D

Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a bed?: I have

Angry at anyone?: just a tiny bit

Is there anyone you would do anything for?: not everything but a lot 

Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?: yep

Is it hard to make you laugh?: to some, it also depends on the moment

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?: pfft

Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single?: *shrug*

Where is the person you last kissed at this moment?: doing her hair

Would you rather pierce your tongue or lip?: lip

Next time you will kiss someone?: today?

Something’s wrong. First person you go to?: parents?

Do you hate it when people smoke around you?: usually, most often

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?: it seems

Ever gotten yourself into a confusing situation?: that’s life

Do you have an attitude?: I guess

Do you know anybody whose last name is a color?: nope

Would you kiss someone to make your ex bf/gf mad?: I’m not single now but if I wasn’t... How was last night?: not good enough

Have you ever dyed your hair?: blue (grey), green, black, red

When someone says “we need to talk,” what runs through your mind?: oh shit oh damn oh fuck I’m screwed what’s going on - so anxious!

Do you know anyone that smokes weed?: used to know

Are your parents still together?: they are

What are you wearing on your feet?: socks and raccoon slippers

Is it awkward when you run into your ex?: would be not only awkward

Who do you blame for your bad mood today?: myself, God, my mom, my gf, maybe even president

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?: not yet

Do you remember names or faces better?: neither

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/ girlfriend drinks?: kinda

Waiting for something?: more than one thing

You find out your ex is having a kid with someone you say?: stupid, gross

When’s the last time you were surprised? positively or negatively?

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? water

Your mom finds used condoms in your room, you tell her? -

Do you find smoking unattractive? the smell and taste and the fact it’s unhealthy and expensive habit

If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for? health for all, forever, not saying about injuries but diseases

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? 100%

Whose bed were you on last? mine duh

When was the last time you changed in front of someone? this day

Last person you kissed, have you cried in front of them? 3 times and counting :x

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice? grrr

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? whatever

Do you believe exes can really ever be “just friends”? there’s a tiny possibility of that

Your ex wants you back? that’s why we’re together

Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships? 1 person

Ever dated someone cute with crappy personality? sadly

Do you want your ex to be happy, even if it means not being with you? I said that

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? that would be a miracle as we’re both women

Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck? neck

Would it hurt seeing the person you last kissed kissing someone else? that would be also disgusting

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? dad

Has the last person you kissed, met your family? she knew my father but yesterday met my mom as well

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? my gf

You’re insanely drunk stumbling through the streets, slurring songs, who are you with? someone who made me drunk and will pay for it 

Do you like to cuddle? when in the mood for that

Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? not everything unless I was dying or smth

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? and I regret that

Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don’t talk to at all? bunch of ppl

Can you have more than one best friend? yas

Are you starting to realize anything? this question bothers me somehow 

Do you hate it when people mispronounce your name? I’m used to it even tho it doesn’t happen that often

Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it ended? it is still going on 

Do you think blondes are stupid, honestly? that ask, really? 

Can you get over people easily? yes and no

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? second hand, it was in children’s section, whoops I have no boobs nor weight nor height

So, what do you want for your birthday? Jughead’s hat

If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you start kissing? obvi

Did you sleep alone last night? I did 

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay? NO

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you because of something you didn’t do? many ppl

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? I have 

How was your weekend? emotional?

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober

Do you think that you’re a good person? am not, I wish I was better

If you could seek revenge on someone would you? I’m not a revengeful person but I laugh when someone I don’t like is punished by life, sorry not sorry?

Do you like your best friend’s boyfriend/​girlfriend?​ my mom or myself? 

Ever been called heartless? smth similar

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? if they’re gay or family members

Are you able to get people to believe you when you are lying? I’m good at lying but I don’t like to lie

How many more minutes until you will next eat? soon Do you have to go to school and/or work today? no job and graduated

Have you read all of the Harry Potter books? not interested

Would you rather no heat in winter or no A/C in the summer? no A/C in the summer is way better

Do you do your own laundry? my mom helps me 

Have you ever read an entire book in one sitting? like twice

Have you ever seen your favorite band live? only Ania Rusowicz 

Do you drink water or soda more often? water, I don’t drink soda at all

Do you like cats?  they’re cool but don’t want to own one

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with M? my gf’s name starts with M :)

If forced to be one, would you rather be bulimic or anorexic? excuse me?... anorexic tho as I hate puking

Wasn’t Heath Ledger the best Joker there ever was? Nicholson was and I didn’t watch the last Joker movie yet with Phoenix

If you found out your friend was smoking weed, would you be disappointed? mhm

Do you find that people don’t really understand you? most of them, most of the time

Do you like the ocean? nah

Have you ever done something that you knew was wrong? I’m never sure?

Are you listening to music currently? am not

Do you read and believe your horoscope? for fun ;) but once in a long time

Does the news depress you? that’s why I avoid it

Can you resist temptation? more than most ppl I know

What do/did you normally get detentions for? other’s fault

Does your alarm clock actually awaken you? it didn’t today, my mom’s voice did when she came to inform me my alarm is yapping huehue

Ever think you might have seen a UFO? with my dad

Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have a cell phone? my niece because she’s 2 

Have you bought any CDs recently? too expensive and I have yt and spotify so why would I?

Do you type fast? very, I was best in school :3

How long are you usually in the shower for? half an hour

Do you know anyone who has their eyebrow pierced? I don’t

What was the last movie you watched? again or for the first time?

When is your birthday? 1st Feb

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? day ago

Have you done anything sexual in the past 12 hours? romantic

Did the last person you kiss have a tattoo? she doesn’t have one

Have you ever liked someone older than you? I thought so

What color are your eyes? hazel? Do you enjoy going through a car wash? never been so no idea

Ever called a person useless? I don’t think so Is there someone you wish you were still close with? grandma 

Did the last person you kiss have piercings? ears only

Do you like the snow? hate, only snowmen are nice but not Olaf from Frozen

Does it bother you when someone lies to you? usually, obviously

Was the last person you kissed cute? was

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? so many times When you trip, do you get embarrassed or just play it off? embarassed af

Would you consider yourself spoiled? in a way? Let’s test your memory, what color shirt were you wearing during your last kiss? white 

Have you ever kissed two people in one night? noooo

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed? not currently but in general we talk

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? too long, like 2 hours 

What would your name be with just the first three letters? Zuz - cute

Where did you sleep last night? my own bed 

Who was the last person to be in your bedroom besides you? family member

Does anyone disgust you? some at all times, some during certain situations

What do you tend to drink a lot of? water