CANNOT stop thinking about the guest that was like "You're very soft-spoken, what do you do outside of here" like ... Write essays if i am being real with you my man
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to be honest people are always telling me to play it cooler, to stop caring so much, to stop apologizing so much, to stop being so patient, to stop being so ready to take responsibility, to stop always being the bigger person and take it upon myself to fix things instead of letting them lie, even if they aren’t my fault or my problem. And I hate it. I hate the idea of not being myself. I hate the idea of not being as genuine and caring as I want to be. I hate the idea of not telling someone when I love them and hate the idea of saying goodbye to people I care about just because I want to be more right more than I want them to be in my life. I hate the idea of presenting myself as cool and suave and aloof just to get more people to like me. I’d rather be as genuine and honest about who I am and my intent and care than hide who I am as a person. Who cares if I’m less successful that way. I want to be liked for me, not for some other version of myself other people want to see.
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its truly not that i have a problem with ppl continuing to engage with a persons work after theyve been called out for being problematic or whatever but the way m//lanie m//rtinez stans literally just convinced themselves all the allegations were false, called the alleged victim a liar and then proceeded to pretend it all never even happened is frankly chilling to me
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the nice thing about living at work being offline for chunks at a time is the people u used to really dislike seeing on the dash (by no one's fault, promise), it doesn't really bother you anymore when you see them pop up as recs or smth. like. neat. lol. it's nice! it's comforting. i feel like I've def moved on from things, its liberating.
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oh, a fun* thing I'm noticing about when I'm writing something is that there's absolutely no descriptions of what anything looks like ever. not the rooms, not people's clothes, just nothing. everything happens in a blank void and no one... is wearing any clothes? no that's definitely not where I was going with that but now I've forgotten what I really wanted to say.
anyway, it's really not surprising and just mirrors how I read things written by other people too - I completely skip over any descriptions like that. can't do anything with it anyway so it's just unnecessary information to me
*not so fun
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