#phos in misery

[alolaconato]

[fatalglitter]

I rewatched Land of the Lustrous a couple days ago, and (unlike the first time I saw it like 5 years ago) I began reading the manga as well. I just finished chapter 70 and.

I did not know.

How sad this manga was.

Anyways go read it Now.

[megane-sama]

The entirety of HnK chapter 96 had my chest clenched up in this tight knot. We asked and Ichikawa delivered a nice healthy dose of misery. And it wasn't because all the moon gems were happy or whatever, it was that none of them had even a bit of thought for Phos (with the exception of Euclase, Cinnabar ans Antarc, gems that are obviously not in a really good mental headspace like Yellow, also Padpa cause i want to have that much faith in them). I really dont think I've felt such a visceral dislike for the gems till now and i think it's cause through all Phos did, no matter how bad, they geninuely always wanted to help, even tho most of these gems never acknowledged them or dare i say even liked them they wanted to be of help to every one, no matter what they did they always thought they were doing the right thing and look where it got them, a pawn in this entire gigantic *extremely thought out like wow Achmea really planned this out* galactic plan, drowing in misery and replaying Kongo's thoughts over and over again. Personally i don't even think the moon gems "forgiveness" amounts to anything, i just want them to realize they all have a hand in what has happened, they are all somewhat responsible for what Phos became, a reason for their desperation to be of service and prove their worth. Anyways I hope when Phos does get that power fully downloaded and installed, when they are asked to pray, they will say no.

Anyways this is my favourite panel in the chapter ITS SO PRETTY AND SORTA MELANCHOLIC AND UGHHHH.

Also omg padpa scraps.

[lilibee]

Every once in a while I catch up with Houseki no Kuni and it creates a type of sadness in me that I did not know existed

[sunoorintarou]

Catharsis: Something only we know.

Phos!Reader x (Platonic) Getou Suguru

Warnings: Mentions of mental health, brief implications of child abuse, reader blames herself for everything, self loathing, mentions of health and eating disorders, Getou is still Getou, very angsty to somewhat comfort, Getou sees himself in reader

Notes: Hoo boy, this was alot. I love Getou tho so in this au, he will still be himself, but anyways pls prepare yourself for angst!!

"Getou - San?" You asked, finally finding the courage to voice your concerns. It was a hot day at the beach, as usual. Mahito was terrorising Jogo and Hanami while Getou rested with you in the shade.

"Yes, Y/n - chan?" Getou looked up from the book he was reading. It was unusual for you to suddenly speak to him, so he decided to give you his full attention when he did.

"Can- can I tell you, about my cursed technique? Is it OK, just, for insurance sake?" You stutter. You had been wanting to speak to Getou about your Cursed Technique since you met him but hadn't gotten the guts to till now.

"Of course, Y/n - chan, what is it?" Getou had been anticipating this conversation. He had been equally curious about your cursed technique, wanting to see the limits and advantages it held. But he didn't want to scare you off. You were the most closed off member of his 'family', and he knew you'd need time to tell him these things.

"Basically, my cursed technique... I can turn curses into various precious gems and alloys by touching them and absorbing them..." You started, knowing full well this wasn't what you wanted to say most.

Getou hummed, this was the basic information about it you had told him, but you were hesitating, clearly having something weighing on your mind. So he stayed patient, nodding along gently.

"The thing is... when I absorb curses... I feel sick, in here." You pointed to your chest, hands trembling ever so slightly.

"It's like, they become a part of me. Not in the soul way, but in the way where I can feel all the misery and pain, all those disgusting emotions that they held in me, I really feel it, in my bones and it makes me feel so so sick. I just-" You brought your knees to your chest, gently leaning your forehead against them.

For the longest time, you felt as if you were drowning. You had been physically sick for the longest time after the incident with your legs. You had nose bleeds so often the scent of blood seemed to linger around you. You could barely hold down your food, skipping meals or rushing to the bathroom, to expel the contents of your stomach.

It only got worse after what happened to your arms and Yukio. Although it seemed like your body had accepted the alloy immediately. It hadn't. You started vomiting blood, feeling such excruciating pain when the alloy started to spread into your bones, through your veins, forming it's own nervous and muscular system. There were days you couldn't even leave your bed, head spinning to the point you couldn't tell reality from dreams.

Those were the days you had simply locked your door, knowing the others would be worried and accept your mourning. Yet, it was so much deeper than that because a part of you felt as if you deserved this for what had happened to Yukio.

You were scared. What if he wrote you off or laughed at you? For being so weak? You couldn't even take absorbing a couple curses? What if they were right, everyone else, your past friends, your parents, what if you really were just pathetic and weak-

You froze when you felt Getou's hand on your head, looking up at him with eyes glazed over in gold.

If there was one person you understood your feelings better than anyone else, it was Getou. The feeling of swallowing curses was so disgusting to him. He despised it more than anything. Even worse when absorbing them into your being. He knew how you felt first hand. The only difference was that he could get rid of that feeling by releasing them and you... could not. They were truly a part of you.

"Ah, right, right, I need to, to say something else. My body- has a built-in network of gems and gold. I don't know how to explain it but it's like a, a nervous system. It covers my bones and everything, then it crystallises to stop bleeding- that's why-" you decided showing him was better than trying to explain.

You grabbed your finger in one hand, taking in a deep breath when you snapped it off. Getou's eyes widened, watching how the previously exposed muscle and bone was covered with gold in a split second to stop the bleeding.

You then chipped away the thing layer of gold before placing your hand back against your hand. Immediately, liquid gold repaired the crack. You moved your finger, tilting your head to look at Getou.

"Doesn't it hurt? Doesn't it have any negative effects?" Getou asked, looking at it in surprise.

"I- if, if it's a lot of my body and I can't get it back- like, my consciousness, I think, I don't know, but it lives in the crystal. So whenever I lose parts of my body, I lose parts of myself, I- I start to forget things, names, people, places, I- it does hurt. Alot." Your voice went soft, a tear running down your cheek before you could stop it.

"Then don't use it. You're powerful enough without using that part of your Cursed Technique, and if it's hurting you, then stop. Even if you're fighting and feel like that's the only way to win, ask for help. One of us will always be with you. Because if you do use it, even if you win, it won't make up for what you lose."

As you looked at Getou, although his voice was gentle, you could tell he wasn't actually there with you. He seemed to be reliving something in that mind of his. Eyes out of focus as he gently patted your hair.

Getou was saying to you, things he wished someone could have said to him all those years ago. Not those exact words, heck, maybe not even anything close to that. But all he wished for at that time was for someone to hear him and tell him it would be OK. It wouldn't fix anything. The path Getou was to walk on was fixed, predestined from the second he was born into this cruel world. But perhaps, it could have delayed the inevitable or helped him enough to not blame himself.

"Getou - san..." Tears built up in your eyes, gold trailing down your cheeks, and that seemed to bring Getou back.

"There, there, it's OK. We'll just be careful, Phosphophyllite only has a hardness of 3.5 after all." He teased, gently patting your hair. He couldn't change the past, but he could choose his future, and that's all that mattered.

[squidokja]

happy valentine's day phos!! would you be the one to stop my sword from reaching the neck of my younger self by sacrificing my own hand? would you hold me back as i lunge in blind rage out of anger and misery and guilt? i know i'd do the same for you <3 hope you have a great valentine's day!

Hi hello. Starting from today I will be tagging you in this post every.single.week. to remind you of your sins and what you wrote. To inflict the pain back on you the way you wrote it here. To make it worse. To ruin your day. To make you suffer in agony as you wish you had never written this in your life. I hope black boxes haunt you down to the end of times. I hope you never save your singular reader. I hope the side stories will damage the last bits of your sanity. Please suffer. (Affectionate)(Genuine)(Serious)

[theephemeralflow]

some thoughts about the ending of land of the lustrous and why I think it’s good

Spoilers ahead for Land of the Lustrous/Houseki no Kuni up to Chapter 100 (as of now that is the most recent chapter) and also (potentially) long post ahead (idk i haven’t written it yet)

A take i see often is “Phos shouldn’t have prayed for the Lunarians, fuck all of them” you know that kinda bitter revenge move, but I don’t think that while that’s the most cathartic (at least for the audience) move Phos could’ve made, I don’t think that it would’ve been the right one, and one that makes sense for HnK. HnK has never been a revenge story, it’s been a story about cycles and change. The three species have all had their own twisted form of humanity, echoing some of it’s worst aspects. The admirabilis willingly gave up their criminals to the lunarians, leaving them to whatever fate would befall them upon the moon. The Lunarians started an endless war. The Lustrous are the furthest from human of the three, immortal rocks, and not as in the immortal remnants of a soul. They would have no reason to even pack bond, to even talk to one another, it is only through Kongo’s influence that they developed as they did, he gave them eyes to see and a human’s education. The threat of the lunarians, plus the influence of a machine built by humans is what developed the Lustrous society and Culture, and we all know how well that is. In Lustrous society, what you are at birth decides what you’ll be forever. The strong will remain at the top, the weak will be left at the bottom, and this is how it must be to survive the onslaught that is the endless war the Lunarians wage. They are naturally unchanging, and of course they are they’re rocks, an inorganic material brought to life, now forced to fight for their lives. They don’t cope well, and how could they when their only fate is to learn and fight and lose, the legacy of humans screwing them over well past the point they were even relevant, but it’s okay, you may lose the battle but the war will never end, because new lustrous will be born and the cycle will continue. You are fighting for a future that is the same as the present but with different actors. And this can’t foster unconditional love, because you can only ever be what you started out as. If you were born weak you are looked down upon, you are dead weight, and you can never change. the only source of love you will get is from Kongo, but that won’t change the fact that you are unloved as a whole by the rest of your brethren. But Phos, might just be the best the lustrous could have hoped for, because they’re empathetic when they don’t have to be, to Cinnabar to Ventricosus. They want things to change for the better. And by the end of the story, when they are once again at the beginning, that has not changed. Phos has both changed immensely and not changed at all. “At last we understand eachother” and empathy: “ the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Phos has been once described by Aechmea as having nothing which made Phos the perfect candidate for a human, but if Phos had still been feeling the most human emotion, revenge, then they wouldn’t have prayed them away. The final prayer isn’t about revenge or forgiveness. It’s not about Phos forgiving everyone it’s about an act of empathy for themselves, Phos has never known what they’ve wanted to do besides being “useful” but now they know. Phos’s own desire for nothingness as well, in the beginning they had their own form of nothingness through the lack of bonds, and through this act they can go back to that state. And so they burn the bridge the professor told them to by praying. And the old cycle is ended, all the misery it brought has ended, and now something new can start, it’s the Beginning again and Phos is at that same starting point. And it thrives, new life comes and goes and it is content, Phos meets a rock less capable they were in their first form but this rock is content, and this simplicity, has been what Phos has been missing, the ability to just exist as you are and find happiness in that. If you don’t first love yourself as you are how can you take any other’s love as it is, especially when that love is conditional. And what if Phos hadn’t prayed? What then? Nothing changes, everything stays the same, old wounds fester and hurt remains. Kongo couldn’t pray because he loved like a human, Phos couldn’t pray because they hated like a human. Revenge isn’t the ultimate form of self love, and letting go isn’t the same as forgiving those who hurt you, I think the ultimate form of self love is knowing when to let go of grief, of hurt, not to excuse others, but to give yourself space to change for the better and for yourself. We the audience wanted Phos to not pray, we wanted revenge for Phos, because we are human because we feel revenge and empathy and it’s amazing that those two emotions are the catalyst for such changes within HnK, but it makes sense. It’s an ending that reminds me of a burnt down forest, everything is gone, burnt to ashes, but that doesn’t mean new things can grow. Everything happened, but it’s okay now. Phos has new connections and they have themselves. They are loved for being themselves, not for what they can provide. And I think that’s the best ending for a story filled with self loathing and hate.

[faethornicons]

Coloured some Phos in celebration of the hiatus ending. Recent update has me in misery

free to use, credit not required but really, really appreciated.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1122: Worrisome Phone Call (Persona 5 X SSBU)

8:54 p.m. at Niijima Apartment.......

Makoto: (Finishes her Assignment While Sitting on her Couch) ('Sigh') Okay. There's a three more questions to answer left. ('Starts Yawning a Bit') Might be more trickier than the last, but-

'Cellphone Ringtone of Makoto's Theme Song'

Makoto: (Picks her Phone Up From the Coffee and Answers the Call) Hello?

???: (Calling From the Other Line) Makoto?

Makoto: (Immediately Recognizes the Voice) Oh hi sis. How's it going? (Smirks a Tad Bit Playfully) Is your date night with Dr. Takemi-san going well so far?~

Sae: ('Sigh') It went as well as we hoped. (Rolls her Eyes) 'Till a certain Ren-Ren came by the café, covered in bruises.

Makoto: (Eyes Widened in Complete Shock as She Quickly Gets Up From her Seat) WHAT!? HOW!? WHY!? W-WHAT HAPPENED!!?

Sae: He got himself into a bar fight. Apparently some..he.. big demon guy came in and punched him out of nowhere.

Ren: (Voice is Heard on the Other Line) Don't forget he has horns!

Sae: ('Sigh') Big demon guy with horns, punched him.

Makoto: ('Sighs in a Bit of Relief') I take it he's doing okay right now, huh?

Sae: Yep. His injuries will take a little while to heal properly though. Wanna talk to him?

Makoto: Yes, please.

Sae: (Gives Ren her Phone) Ren, here. And please refrain yourself from making my little sister worry more than she already is right now.

Ren: When have I ever made your sister more worried about me?

Sae: .........................

Ren: N-Nevermind. I see your point. (Starts Speaking to Makoto Thru the Phone) Hey, honey. How are you tonight?

Makoto: (Sits Back Down on the Couch) Worried about you as always. Was what sis told me just now is true?

Ren: ('Sigh') Yeah, I got my ass handed to me earlie-AHHAHA! (Suddenly Winces in Pain)

Tae: (Speaking on the Other Line) I can't treat your wounds properly if you gonna keep jumping around like that, Guinea Pig.

Ren: Well, maybe WARN me before you start rubbing that on my cheeks! It stings like hell!

Tae: Well, using 91% of Rubbing Alcohol could do that to ya. Best you can do is wise up and take it like a man. (Continues Rubbing a Alcohol Filled Cotton onto Ren's Bruised Cheeks as She Snickers a Bit at the Sound of his Pain Enduced Pain) You baby.

Makoto: Best to listen to the doctor, Ren. You can do it~

Ren: You're laughing at my misery too, aren't you?

Makoto: (Trying Her Hardest Not to Expose Herself in her Laughing) N-No! No, of course not, I would never. ('Clears Throat') I'm just happy hear you speaking.

Ren: (Smiles Softly) Good. I'm sorry I made you worried for like the hundreth time now.

Makoto: Actually, you've made me worried one hundred and thirty seventh time in the row thus far.

Ren: (Sounds Surprised) Oh god. It's THAT many?

Makoto: (Snickers Again) No, I just made those numbers up. But it is close to that. But in all seriousness though, for real this time, how are you feeling right now?

Ren: Well, other than exhaustion and stingy amount of- PAIN! (Felt an Alcohol Filled Cotton Touched his Cheek Again)

Tae: Sorry. Forgot to warn that time.

Ren: (Let's Out a Heavy Sigh) I'm just glad to be home right now.......

Makoto: ('Sigh') You and me both. I always figured going to college would be an advanced challenge, but I didn't imagine it would be this tiring....

Ren: Yeah, it tends to do that to your psyche. But don't give in just yet. I know you have what it takes to make it big one day.

Makoto: (Happily Nodded to Ren's Words) I never planned on it. Do you....still want to work at the bar after what happened earlier?

Ren: Yeah, I think so. The bar fight sucked, but I'm not gonna let it get to me forever. I'm more worried for Uncle Rodin if anything.

Makoto: Oh right, Mr. Rodin! How is he? Is he okay?

Ren: Last time I saw him, he was pulverizing the big, horns guy to a pulp hard enough to transform into his Devil form. No way in hell I'm getting near that crossfire.

Omega: Ren, your mothers are calling you on your portable phone. Shall I answer and give them the update of the current situation?

Ren: No! Omega, whatever you do, don't answer that call! Just let it ring.

Makoto: (Eyes Begins to Widened Again) What!?

Sae: Ren Amimaya, are you planning on keeping this under wraps from your own mothers?

Ren: Not forever! Just for tonight. And maybe in the morning too.....

Makoto: (Sighs While Pinching the Bridge of her Nose) Oh my god, Ren.....

Sae: ('Sigh') Dear lord......

Tae: Wait, time out. You have moms now, Guinea Pig?

Ren: Yep. A witch and a goddess. My actual parents disowned me long while ago, so they decided to adopt me as their own. You should need 'em sometime they're great

Makoto: How about meeting them right now, Doctor?

Ren: ('Sigh') Makoto-

Makoto: Nonono. Don't you "Makoto" me, mister. You know as well as I do that not telling them will only lead to more problems.

Ren: I know that! But they're on their anniversary date right now and the last I want to do is ruin it by making them worry. And possibly killing Uncle Rodin.

Omega: Phone is still calling!

Ren: Keep letting it ring, big guy! They'll quit eventually.

Makoto: Highly doubt it.

Sae: You realize you're delaying inevitable, right?

Ren: The inevitability for me to fall asleep?

Sae: ..........You know what I'm talking about.

Tae: You are really poking a hornet's nest here, aren't you, Guinea Pig?

Ren: Just being cautious here. It's not like they're gonna drop everything and come over-

Futuba: (Downstairs) OH REN!~ YOU GOT SOME COMPANY!~

Ren: ......It's.....probably Ryuji or-

Bayonetta: RENNYYYYYYYYYYYY!~

Palutena: WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUU!?~

Sae: You were saying?~

Ren: ('Sighs in Defeat') Already standing corrected. Omega, tell them I'm upstairs, will ya?

Omega: Affirmative.

Omega's footsteps echoes through Makoto's phone a bit.

Makoto: (Smirks Playfully) I'm guessing it's time for you see to see your mommies now, hm?~

Ren ('Sigh') Seems like it.....Congrats, Doc, it looks like you'll be meeting them after al- AH! SERIOUSLY!?

Tae: Apologies. The excitement got best of me there.

Ren: LIAR!

Sae: Ren Amimaya, are you accusing my girlfriend of lying!?

Ren: YES I-

Sae: ........................

Ren: No! Nope....I-I'm not accusing anyone.

Sae: You better not.

Makoto: (Giggles Softly at Her Love One's Banters Between One Another) As much as I would love to hear more of your banters, I really have to get back and finish up my assignments for the night. But I'll come by and visit you first thing tomorrow morning, okay?

Ren: Sure thing. Make you get some sleep afterwards, alright?

Makoto: (Giggles Softly) Worrying about me now, aren't we?~

Ren: Can't have you looking out for my well being and not do the same, you know?

Makoto: I suppose not. I love you so much, Ren-Ren~

Ren: I love you too, my queen~

'Ahem'

Makoto: ('Sigh') And I love you as well, sis. Thank you so much for looking out for my boyfriend this evening.

Sae: Don't mention it. Your Ren-Ren has been a pain in a neck as always-

Ren: Hey!

Sae: But he's still a good boy regardless.

Tae: You forgot the reckless part, 'hon.

Sae: Ah, yes sorry. He's a good, reckless boy, I mean.

Ren: I hate you two so- AH!

Tae: Okay, that one was actually on purpose this time~

Ren: (Gritting his Teeth) I can see that, Doc.......

Makoto: (Syarts Giggling Once More) Okay~ I see you three are clearly busy now, so I'll leave you be then. Have a goodnight!~

As the phone call finally ends, Makoto begins to let out a huge sigh of relief before going back to her assignment studies for the rest of the nest.

@keyenuta

@princekirijo

@cyber-wildcat

@albion-93

@caleb13frede

[alolaconato]

[rutilation]

A Brief Meditation on Being Your Own Grandma and Drinking Your Own Blood

.

.

.

Well… that turned out to be a lie.  Guess all you need to reel me back in is reincarnation drama and a weird grandma.

In my July essay, I laid out the elements of the story I found frustrating, and had tentatively hoped that said elements might have… mellowed out?  Following the break?  I’d say this chapter actually doubled down on all of my gripes.  That lingering aftertaste of misanthropy is spelled out plain, Ayumu’s curt dismissal of her former allies feels like it’s also being directed at the supporting cast in the present, and Phos is still the only person motivated enough to make decisions or affect the story at all, and that was apparently the case long before they were even born.

As such, while I found this chapter to be captivating, and honestly a breath of fresh air… I’m not sure if I actually liked it or not?  Galling and intriguing in equal measure—that about sums up my experience reading HnK from the moon arc onward.

But, one thing that I do know I like?  How this adds an extra layer of ambivalence to Phos and Kongou’s relationship.  When Ayumu talks about her arrogance, I believe she’s referring to the path she set Kongou on.  Thanks to her prophetic dreams, she now knows she’s saddled him with an impossible task that will bring him terrible misery—and all for the sake of her own insecurity, her desire to leave a mark on the better world she’s banking her hopes on.  But by the time she knows enough to regret her choice, it’s far too late to change course.  All she can do is apologize to him in her final moments, and implore her future self to clean up the mess she will leave behind.

I think one of the most compellingly tragic aspects of Phos and Kongou’s relationship has been their ability to keep hurting each other all while neither one of them is truly more at fault.  That being the case, I didn’t like how the last arc ended with Kongou being put decisively in the wrong; it just felt out of character.  But, this chapter recontexualizes his complicity in Phos’s grizzly fate as… him faithfully honoring the wishes of Phos’s past self at the expense of their present self.  How do you even begin to untangle that?  This whole situation is messed up and completely unfair to both of them, which is exactly the kind of food I want when I eat out at The Sad Rock Buffet.

One could even argue there’s a certain cosmic justice in Ayumu paying for her hubris by growing up in the shadow of the generational trauma that she precipitated.  On one hand, I find the concept interesting, but on the other, it feels too late in the story to start ascribing justice or meaning to the slings and arrows of Phos’s life.

That covers the grandma part, but with regard to drinking your own blood…

A lot of the thoughts I had this month were about the story’s attitude towards relationships, about the love you give yourself vs the love you get from others.  I feel like the story’s perspective is that community is a powerful and uplifting force… for other people.  But outcasts like us, it seems to say, are up shit creek without a paddle.  Indeed, the story doesn’t seem to believe in honor amongst thieves, or solidarity amongst the marginalized.  Even someone who could conceivably empathize with your situation will always sell you out to better themselves when the chips are down.  Whatever love anyone else has to offer you is shallow and contingent.  Therefore, the only love fit to be called transcendent or divine is the love you show yourself after you’ve struggled through the mire of self-hatred.

It’s cynical and bleak, to an unrealistic extent, in my opinion.  But as I contemplated the story’s perspective, I started to interrogate my own. How do I feel about love, and the places it might come from?  Like many who give any thought to the matter, I think that the platitude “You can’t expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself,” is wrong, and a terrible thing to tell someone struggling with depression.  It’s through the perspective of others, after all, that we escape the quagmire of our own thought patterns, that our inner world opens up, and we come to acknowledge the possibility that others can see something in ourselves that we cannot.  That said, I don’t think inverse is true either.  Or at least, I don’t want it to be true because it’s scary and hopeless in its own way: “There’s no way to love yourself without the love of others.” There’s a million different ways in this life to fall through the cracks of society, or community, or family, and end up with no one to rely on but oneself.  For such people, they can’t afford to wait for self-love to blossom in its own time, nourished by the love of others.  It’s imperative to create that love ex nihilo, because the alternative is to look on helplessly as their emotional self dies.

After mulling it over, the conclusion I arrived at is that while people probably need each other in order to truly flourish, I do think it’s possible to at least subsist off of the love you give yourself.  But, I considered, it’s kind of analogous to drinking your own urine after you’ve spent weeks lost in the wilderness: you really never want things to get that bad.  But, you do what you must when your survival is at stake, whether that survival is physical or emotional.  As I was thinking this to myself it hit me: that’s the meaning behind Ayumu drinking her own blood. 

You pop an artery out of your heart, drain out your own lifeblood before putting it right back in via martini glass.  You’ve watched as your future self becomes just as alienated and miserable as you.  So, as you apologize to the son whose life you’ve ruined, you brush back your own hair, give yourself a tender kiss on the forehead, and tell them to burn everything down.  What exactly does burning everything down mean?  Can’t wait to find out.  Whatever it is though, I hope it pisses off Aechmea.

Some other stray thoughts:

That master scholar joke from chapter one hits different now, doesn’t it?  So does Kongou tasking Phos with an encyclopedia, for that matter.  Even if he probably didn’t put two-and-two together until Phos received the pearl eye, they quite possibly reminded him of Ayumu long before that point.

In light of all this blood symbolism, I’m of the opinion that a vampire Phos AU would be kinda hot, and I think the fandom should milk it for all its worth.

As heavily implied as it is, the concept of Phos being Ayumu’s reincarnation technically exists only in the realm of subtext.  But there’s one aspect of this chapter that makes me 100% sure that, at the very least, Ayumu knew she was speaking to Phos: she brushes their hair back before kissing their forehead—a pointless gesture when the person who’s physically in front of her is bald.  She would only have taken the time to do that if she knew that someone else was also there. Someone with greasy emo bangs.

I want my Wolf’s Rain ending to be real.  I want Phos to be like: “Sorry.  No dice.  Try again.” And then they send everyone’s souls back into the earth.  And then we cut to 50 million years later when the dominant species on the planet is sapient carpets of marine bacterial slime.  We all know that’s who you really want to write about, Ichikawa.

And the cutest slime of them all?  Phos.

I’ve seen people speculate that Phos’s pearl eye is the exact same one Ayumu used, but after looking closely at the panels, I don’t believe that to be the case: the pupil in Ayumu’s replacement eye is black, whereas the whole of the pearl in white.

There’s probably an additional metaphor to be found in the fact that a meal of potato chips and one’s own blood has to be the most efficient method for dehydration ever devised.  Truly, only someone Phos or Phos-adjacent could come up with it. 

Speaking of additional symbolism, I’ve seen people point out that this scene is possibly a reference to the Last Supper.  If so, it figures that while most people who didn’t grow up with the religion find the concept behind Catholic communion to be off-putting, Ichikawa apparently just… started taking notes.  “Hmm, this is nice.  But how can I make it even weirder and grosser?” she asked herself.  Queen shit.

I was curious as to whether there was any significance to Ayumu’s name.  After a little googling, I think that it’s quite apt.

Back a few years ago, I saw quite a few Fist of the North Star fans complaining about losing the hnk tag to our beloved manga.  These days, when I search hnk on twitter, I find myself assailed by posts about some kpop dude.  Truly, samsara comes for us all.

[obligatoryidolblog]

Crybaby (On the Phone) - Chan, Stray Kids Drabble

Genre: angst

Pairing: Chan/Female!Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: Based on the song Crybaby (On the Phone) by Mom Jeans. I will be doing a series of drabbles based on this group's discography.

A/N: I've not written in ages, so don't expect much. This is super short for my usual writing, and kinda shit, but I had the slightest bit of inspiration, so here we go, I guess. I love Mom Jeans. so I will be writing several stories based on their music, as I find the lyrics super inspiring. I don't expect anyone will actually read them, but hey, here we are.

Masterlist

“Hey, where’s _____,” Chan heard filter through the noise of the party around him. 

The question wasn’t directed at him. Why would it be? You weren’t his anymore. A clammy palm distantly tightened around a silent phone. Swallowing, he felt himself push to his feet, shoving his way out of the crowded frat house and into the crisp cold of the night air. No invading questions here. No one to remind him. 

No one to witness his shame. 

Taking a deep breath, feeling his head spin from the shots he’d downed earlier in the night, Chan lifted the back screen to his face. Trying to bring it into focus, he sighed at the many notifications, none from you. He knew you wouldn’t contact him. You’d ‘moved on,’ leaving him alone, lost in the misery that had driven you away in the end.

The ever-present tears welled up, as he once more opened his contacts, finger hovering over your name. You weren’t going to answer, he knew that. You hadn’t answered since that night. The moment he pulled away from your apartment with all his belongings stuffed into Felix’s SUV, you’d erased him from your life. The image of your silhouette in the doorway as you closed the door in finality haunted his every moment. 

Swiping to close the contacts, he quickly tapped on the text app, and opened the one-sided conversation he’d been having with your number. Pausing, he collected his scattered, alcohol soaked thoughts as much as he could, then typed. 

“i miss you”

The text sent, and he watched again as no bubble indicating a response was underway popped up. Swallowing thickly, he dropped to sit on the steps leading up to the noisy frat house, and distantly he heard someone laughing wildly. Shaking his head in a futile attempt to clear his thoughts, he inhaled the cold air and gave in again to the need to hear your voice. 

Tears blurring his eyes again, he called, hearing the ringing of your phone. It was almost a comfort to know that he could at least still hear the proof that his calls were going through to your phone. That you would have to acknowledge in some way that he still lived. That he still loved you. That he was in pain, and missed you. Even if it was just through seeing his name on your screen. 

Finally, voicemail picked up. Sniffling back the sound of tears, attempting in vain to hide how pathetic and unlovable he was in that moment, he listened to the robotic voice ask him to leave his message after the beep. 

Inhaling, he mumbled, “Sorry, I know you said not to call, but…”

Chan attempted to control the waver in his voice, remembering your harsh words, telling him to move on, not to cry, that you were done with him. Luckily, voicemail couldn’t show the tears streaming down his face. 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For whatever, I don’t even know what the hell I did wrong, _____,” he went on, his voice raising, becoming more frantic as the alcohol-fused emotion became evident in his tone.

“I just… I miss you,” he finished lamely, the emotion draining from him. 

You wouldn’t listen to it. He knew that, somewhere deep inside. You’d cut him out of your life with precision. Jabbing at the screen, he ended the call, then threw the phone with all his might, dropping his head into his hands. All he wanted was some closure, but he knew it wasn’t coming. You were gone, and he was left alone, just a crybaby on the fucking phone.

[semi-imaginary-place]

hnk 93-95

yup all the foreshadowing, the empty lotus pod, phos' remaining eye being achemea's pearl implant, he never got all the treasures. after the fight with cinnabar phos is a mess and this mental instability is shown physically. he seems to have assimilated shinsha's mercury and you can see the metals filling in what had been jagged holes to form a smooth human face. thoughout the chapter more metal covers phos' face like a skin.

and phos is drowning so much in his own misery and has lost so many parts of himself that he cant remember what or why he is doing anything there's just the pain of existing and he lashes out. and cinnabar (as the smart one) was right because of phos cinnabar found a purpose outside of night patrol, cinnabar was included and valued after phos started invading. and cinnabar remembered phos' promise to get him a new job, but phos has like so many other things forgotten this too.

as shown with their dealings with the lunarians and ice floes the only thing that can damage adaman is adaman (fracturing their hand and shooting small chunks of themself). if phos has truly become human than there is no longer a need for a praying machine. Adaman leaving their eye for phos is incredibly important i just haven't quite figured it out yet. for one finally its not just aechemea influence, now one eye is adaman and one eye is pearl. and the first thing phos does after merging the new eye is try and put all the gems back together after spending the last 5? 10? chapters screaming about how he's going to pulverize everyone. and after fusing the adamant eye phos sees through the pearl eye the destruction of humanity long ago by meteorites.

everyone is happy to become lunarians but all they did was erase their differences instead of working them out. since smashing cinnabar phos' alloy has begun covering them almost like a skin and here by the end little of their gem surface is visible anymore

and then ichikawa went on hiatus to enjoy her ps5 and let us the readers too experience 10,000 years

hmm so adamant's creator wasn't trying to save humanity's souls or anything, she was trying to pave the way for a new species and to stop humanity's survival.

[soul333ater]

today i drank a large iced coffee and smoked a menthol on an empty stomach. i saw a lot of butterflies and bumble bees outside but afterwards i got sick, i threw up so much my nose burnt. i ate a plain cold tortilla and sat writhing in misery on my living room sofa. i then spent almost $30 door dashing pho. nice

[cominy-kiwami]

let it be known this was a pretty good day the misery is only coming back now. did some christmas shopping with my friends and got a really nice pho with extra tripe. like i still would occasionally see a couple or some other convoluted reminder of my own solitude and reflexively think i need to kill myself immediately but overall it didn't debilitate me today.

i was thinking about how girls in video games were getting graphically realistic enough to have the little tiny hairs on like their sideburns and how the right wing ideologues were getting mad at that which only revealed that they didn't know women at all. so then i touched the sides of my own face and felt those same tiny hairs and then i had the thought that nobody would ever be close enough to me to notice the small details of who i am. if you wanna know the kind of overthinking im performing to keep myself in this state

[mostspecialgirl]

nyahallo everynyan my phone fucking died today so. Uh. Might not be posting that frequently. Fuck dude holy shit i lost my custom ibis brushes fuck i should have backed those up how the hell am i gonna art now

i also lost like. All my canvases from this year. So. Should have backed those up when i said i was gonna back those up a few weeks ago. I just feel like one big clump of misery many fuck that was everything i did this year. That was all of my video files OH MY GOD THAT WAS MY ANIMATION FILESSSSSSNAAAAAUGHHHHGHHHHGHHHH whatever. Whatever! I have half assembled video files backed up for those! But. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! MY PHONE,,,!,,,,!,,,! MY PHO,E,,,,,,! NnGAAAAUUGHH,

Icant lie i feel like such shit right now ive been trying to get it alive or connect to a pc all day but girl is fucking fried. I dont even know what happened. I’m a little devastated to say the least. All of my creative and social stuffs are pretty much on hold for the time being seeing as my life revolves around my phone. How am i going to sleep without my tiktoks. At least that means i can finish reading thousand autumns now. Whatever. See u guys in a a month or something i guess dude. Fuck