#please i must learn how to slep

[stupiddumidiot]

So I just learned that Neurotypical people can intentionally just... Not have music stuck in their head at all times? The fuck? People can just put their brain on mute? People can just go about your day without the fuckin Caillou theme turning into ad infinitum turning into discord turning into down to the bone???? People can fall asleep easily????????

The fuck??????????

TEACH ME HOW

[sweetsforhikari]

Happy Birthday, Sakuya 🌸

Without you, there won’t be Mankai Company and our story together wouldn’t have begun. In honor of your birthday and the release of your second solo song, please read the letters that I wrote for you about how the troupe members think about you.

a.n. 

I know the format might be weird, but I wrote this addressing Sakuya, so the ‘you’ here refers to Sakuya. I just thought of writing something for him to read so yes, do take note that you need to read everything below as if you’re Sakuya!

Masumi Usui

Your days of taking care of him as a leader, as a friend, as a brother really made an impact to him. Although Masumi never explicitly reciprocated your love, he has grown to listen and respect you. Allowing you to be involved in his business, hugging him, choosing to depend on you, and taking the time to listen to your words are mere proofs of him considering you as part of his family.

Both you and Masumi never really knew what true family should be like, but I’m sure your time together made both of you understand what it meant to have a brother who would stick by your side no matter what.

Tsuzuru Minagi

He has immense faith in you, Sakuya. All the scripts he had written for your role have definitely been adjusted to suit you and you alone. He would have never written a role where he knew you couldn’t perform in.

Without you as the leader, he would also have gone mad dealing with the antiques of the other members. As much as he acts as the mediator, the middle ground of the chaos ensuing in Spring Troupe from time to time, he appreciates your presence as the leader who has grown so much more dependable throughout the years. 

Dare I say, sometimes, he glances at you and smiles softly, proud you as one of his little brothers that he cherishes deeply.

Itaru Chigasaki

Sure, he might view you as a token of gacha luck to bring that SSR home, but you’re definitely more than that. Him accepting his role as the father of Spring Troupe was his way of committing to the found family that he has now. The family that you have established.

Deep down, he’s eternally grateful for your ceaseless attempts to convince him to stay and perform with the troupe during Romeo and Julius. Without you, he wouldn’t have met this group of people with whom he could drop his mask and completely be his true self.

Citron

He enjoys seeing your face light up with wonder and excitement not because he takes pleasure in teasing you, but I believe he wants to preserve that childlike innocence in you as much as possible.

Despite what others might think, I genuinely believe Citron only wants you to feel happy and ignore the negativity and evil that lie in this world. The greatest pleasure in his days has always been to see you smile right after you wake up and before you fall asleep at night. Don’t you think that’s why he enjoys telling you those magical, bombastic, wonderous stories?

Chikage Utsuki

Admittedly, he still enjoys tricking you during your daily coin toss, but he will stop at nothing to ensure you do not need to worry about a thing in life.

After all, you were the first to not give up on him and still saw him favorably (or should I say objectively without any judgment) despite his actions towards Izumi and Mankai in general.

Putting all the other troupe members under the cut so this won’t get too long! 

Tenma Sumeragi

You do know this child actor genius took the audition for Mankai because of you, right? You, who thought your acting was sub-par, turned out to inspire a veteran to face his fears and took that step.

How could Tenma ever thank you properly for that? That’s why as a fellow troupe leader, he would make sure to practice often with you, giving you acting pointers whenever he could. Not to demean you, but to lift you up so both of you can bloom together on stage as equals.

Yuki Rurikawa

He comments about your naivety, but I dare say he actually envies you for it. Being part of the minority and adopting a cynical approach to life proves to be tiring at times. The positive outlook in life despite your background is definitely something that he has considered to adopt at some point in time.

To him, you’re a reminder that being positive is an option. As much as he seems baffled by your innocence, he is part of the crew that does his best to preserve that side of you.

Muku Sakisaka

You two are angels! I can only imagine both of you continue being the precious babies that you are. Muku adores you and definitely considers you one of his precious older brothers.

His enthusiasm is reciprocated with you around and your presence lifts up his spirit as well. You are each other’s healing spirit in a way. Always be there for each other, and just by being together, both of you remind all of us that staying pure is a choice and such sight heals us on a daily basis.

Misumi Ikaruga

He’s off on scavenging triangles for your birthday! Apparently, he heard the cats sang praises about you the other day. As thanks for being his friend and for being kind to the kitties, he’s going to find a special triangle just for you.

Thank you for being so kind and understanding to him, and for becoming his faithful friend, one of his precious treasures in life.

Kazunari Miyoshi

How many times have you appeared in Kazu’s Inste feed, I wonder. He always seem to find joy in sharing what he found that might be of interest to you.

Both of you are expressive so it’s no surprise either when Kazu wants to hear your opinion on anything. Hope you find those times to be exciting. It is after all, quite rare, to find someone to be candid with these days.

Kumon Hyodo

Both of you are quite literally sunshine in human form. At times too bright for some, but that’s why both of you should continue being you.

Even Kumon admits watching you lifts his spirits, can you imagine the influence you have in improving the mood of those around you? Sakuya, as Kumon said, please stay true to yourself and keep being you. Your smile and positivity radiate and I honestly think we all need someone like you in our lives.

Banri Settsu

Don’t feel bad if he lets you borrow his clothes, or if he buys you stuff! It’s his way of letting you know he cares deeply for you. Please don’t think that you’re not worthy of receiving such gifts or even having his company.

If anything, all he wants is to see you all happy with that beaming smile. Keep being the sunshine that you are because I’m sure that’s what Banri wants for you!

Juza Hyodo

The passionate duo; both of you talk about acting a lot and I’m glad you have someone to share your thoughts and passion with.

Juza considers you as a companion of some sort, he seems to always asking you to practice or do etudes together. Just knowing that both of you can support one another in your endeavours is heartwarming. But, please don’t eat too much sweets if you can’t take it. I’m sure Juza would understand.

Taichi Nanao

He likes to try out new things and he’s grateful that you are always open to his idea and agrees to accompany him whenever he tries them out.

Thank you for being a great friend for Taichi, but please make sure that you guys don’t go overboard and hurt yourselves. Wouldn’t want that to happen when you’re having fun, right?

Omi Fushimi

How’s the Neapolitan that he cooked for you today? It must be delicious! All the love and affection he has for you has always been included in his cooking.

Thank you for being the best at helping him out in the kitchen and actually doing the chores. He appreciates it a lot, especially since the dishes don’t clean themselves and with more hands on deck, he is eternally grateful.

Sakyo Furuichi

Both of you really have come along way, from him being doubtful about your potential until today. You did it, Sakuya! You proved him wrong, alright.

I believe you are his reminder to stay true to what your dreams are. In both of your cases, you both want to be an acknowledged actor. What a long way you two have come. Remember that you have the power to prove people wrong with your earnest determination and always remember that you manage to get Sakyo’s approval on your leadership and acting skills! 

Azami Izumida

This kid needs to learn a lot from you and he knows that even though he doesn’t readily admit to it. Being a leader isn’t a walk in the park, he realises that as soon as he meets the other troupe members.

Although both of you come from an entirely different background, with him being rebellious and all, he is bound to understand that being earnest as Sakyo has said, will benefit him in the long run. You are a great example for him to follow, and don’t need to feel the pressure! You’re fine the way you are, and this kid will soon learn so both of you can bloom together!

Tsumugi Tsukioka

I’m pretty sure the cherry blossoms in the courtyard are well taken care of by Tsumugi because it also reminds him of you.

He looks out for you in the smallest ways which you might not have noticed. I’m pretty sure you realise by now that you can talk to him whenever you’re troubled, right? He will listen and he will be grateful he could be an emotional support for you.

Tasuku Takato

Have you been working out a lot with him? I could start seeing those muscle lines on your arms and legs. Keep up the good work!

He cheers you on by always thinking of training menus for you, knowing that your motivation to be stronger is to build your stamina for better endurance while acting. Tasuku might not say anything, but deep down he appreciates you depending on him for such matters. (Don’t tell him I said this, please. He’ll deny it anyway)

Hisoka Mikage

Being in the Christmas play together must have made you guys closer. Hisoka even mentioned how he looks forward to acting with you again.

Your caring nature did not go unnoticed. I believe he even gave you some marshmallows to try? And if that’s not him accepting you as one of his own, I don’t know what is.

Thank you for always looking out for him. He has you to thank for all the times he slept and was protected by the cold weather. 

Homare Arisugawa

I’m curious whether you actually understand Homare when he’s gushing about an inspiration for his poems. But, you always seem to listen intently and take the time to attempt at digesting the verses. 

Homare adores you for that; not everyone can appreciate his poems, he knows that very well, but those who put in the effort to understand his world will always be remembered. And you, Sakuya, are one of them.

Azuma Yukishiro

Being one of the oldest members of the company also meant that witnessing youth in action is always something that he looks out for everyday. This might explain why he’s a bit sad you’re one year older and more mature now.

His wish for you is simply to let you have no worries in life as you experience youth and the splendour it brings. You’re still young, so many doors of opportunities left to open. With that in mind, feel free to embrace your passion and continue pushing forward to reach your dream, Sakuya. He has your back and nothing will ever get in your way anymore.

Guy

Honestly, please convince him that you enjoy Citron’s company. I’m confident that you never once considered Citron to be a nuisance or burden of any sort.

Just know that Guy is at your service for all the trouble that Citron has caused you. And in times of need, he will always be ready to assist you.

[radi0active-thoughts]

Ghost, Chapter 5 - “Human”

A/N: Hey! So, I want to say that this chapter have been written while listening to Of Monsters and Men’s “Human” on repeat. I decided that the Spotify playlist will be updated by each post, so you’ll try to guess what’s about to happen next. I’ll type it also and put the link in the masterlist.

By the way, taglists for Ghost and Sutra are open! So, if you wanna be tagged in one of those stories, let me know.

Summary: After a rough mission, the debriefing is the most stressful thing of the week for everyone in the team. The reader sees herself trying to raise a gifted child properly, and discovering more of her gifts, whilst facing a challenge she never thought she would face.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, reader being a savage, super protective and caring person (maybe all at once), Steve being a disappointed father, violence, fluff.

Word count: 2529 (I think)

Y/N: your name | Y/LN: your last name 

Masterlist | Spotify Playlist | The Mixtape

Hours later

The Compound

“Mission report?” Nick Fury himself asked to the team assigned for the mission in what seemed like the most exhausting debriefing of the world.

“All of the imprisoned people were saved.” Maria Hill answered. “A few humanitarian groups are doing efforts with CIA to take those people back to their countries as soon as possible."

I don’t really know why in Earth this God blessed debriefing had to begin two hours after an exhaustive mission. I had passed almost two hours conforting the little girl I had saved, and lulling her to sleep, assuring her that I’d be back soon enough.

Now she’s taking a proper nap on my bed, after taking a shower and wearing one of my rock band t-shirts, not that I’m complaining, but I’d like to be on my bed having a few hours of sleep, too.

Is it asking much? I thought and sighed.

“Any inner thoughts, Y/N?” Fury asked and I sighed again.

“When is this debriefing going to end?” I asked. “I have my womanly necessities, like having a decent night of sleep so I can think straight.”

“You have a womanly necessity sleeping on your bed right know, we all know.” Maria Hill said and handed me a mug of coffee, which I thanked with a nod and a generous sip of the strong drink. She also handed me a file, which I opened to see the same face who slept on my bed at that moment.

Her name was Aaliyah Hayek, 8 years old, Lebanese. She lived with her family, her father used to work as a biological engineer, her mother wasn’t registered, she was a ghost. And that’s when I began to realize that had something really fucked up about Aaliyah’s past.

“She needs special attention” I began to say. “The girl.”

“What do you mean?” Fury asked.

“I mean that Aaliyah is a gifted child.” I answered and the whole team seemed to pay more attention on what I was saying. “I know you’ve seen worse and way more powerful gifts, Fury, but she projected a force field in front of me. I saw her eyes change from green to violet and then to green again and it drained her.”

“And then you jumped from a risky distance whilst carrying a child.” Steve said and I could feel his eyes burning my sides. “Do you know how reckless was that?!”

“Have you ever read Machiavelli, Captain?” I asked sarcastically, without looking at him. Fury looked at me and suddenly I knew what he was thinking - Josephine Baker taugh her well. “The ends justify the means.”

“Don’t come with the bullshit right now, Y/N.” He said. “It was meant to be a discreet mission and you almost fucked it up.”

“Language, Steve.” I snickered.

“I’m being serious, Miss “oh-so-reckless”.” Steve retorted. “The girl could have died, those people could have died, you could have died by jumping from the roof to the quinjet with a girl on your arms, and civilians could’ve noticed!”

“Says the World War II’s righteous punk!” I got up whilst looking at him. He was sitting by my side. “The man who holds a fucking giant vibranium CD and never wears a parachute!”

“At least I measure the risks of my actions.” Steve got up, almost hovering above me. “You, on the other hand, are the epitome of recklessness and made mistakes that only an unexperienced rookie would make!”

I don’t really know what came over me. I only know that I took my knife off of my belt and began to charge against Steve, who defended himself. I’d punch him on the face and he’d try to hold me, that was then his back touched the nearest wall, my knife went to his neck.

“Would you call me unexperienced right now, Captain?” I asked, with a accelerated breathing. “I could kill you if I had the chance, which I do.”

“You’re also emotionally unstable.” Steve answered. “And hates listening to the truth. And... even when you wanna prove I’m wrong, you prove I’m right.”

His words made my brain tighten inside my skull and slowly I pulled the knife from his neck. I made a beeline to my chair, stuck the knife on the wooden table and, with no words, I left the meeting room, Steve’s words repeating themselves inside my head over and over.

My next stop was my bathroom and a warm shower after taking the remains of the dress off of my body. I felt the water relax my body and all I thought of doing was slepping inside that warm shower.

As if it was automatic, I went to my closet and put some pajamas on. The queen-sized bed with fluffy matress was there to me, with Aaliyah snoring softly. I left out a warm smile and laid there, so I could sleep all the tiredness I felt.

Many hours later, I began to hear some noises inside my room and they made me remember of electricity. Slowly, I opened my eyes to see Aaliyah trying to control and form the force fields she was able to make.

I streched my body and groaned from the deep sleep that consumed me. It startled her and the field dissipated.

"Don't stop on my behalf, Aaliyah." I said and her eyes went wide. "Yes, I know your name and no, I won't let nothing bad happen to you."

"What is your name?" She asked shyly.

"I'm Y/N." I answered while sitting on the mattress. I heard and felt stomach growls. I looked at her. "Was it all mine?"

"No." She answered with giggles and her hand on her stomach. Pure childish giggles.

"Wanna learn something cool?" I asked and she nodded. "FRIDAY?"

"Yes, Y/N?"

"Can you buy some pizzas for me and this pretty girl by my side?" I asked. "Two pepperoni and one full of cheese, please?"

"I like cheese." Aaliyah said.

"Do we have soda in our cabinets yet?" I asked.

"Yes, we do." FRIDAY asked. "The pizzas will arrive in the compound's kitchen in 30 minutes."

"Thank you, FRIDAY." I said. “What do you wanna do while our dinner doesn’t arrive?”

“Let me?” She asked me when she lifted her hands and approached from my face. I nodded hesitantly and she put her hands on my face. And my mind began to flood with memories.

I felt my eyes close slowly and I saw my 13-year-old me at my grandma’s garden. I was hidden behind a tree, giggling like crazy. That’s when my grandma found me.

“You’re not the most silent rookie, sweetie.” She said. My grandma was fit for someone almost in their 70s. She brushed strands of my hair. “You must stay silent. Your steps, your voice, your breathing. Everything.”

Another flash of memory took my mind, now it was when I was 15. My face was with a few cuts and bruises, and I was leaving school after beating two guys who were pestering a girl from my algebra, chemistry and phisical education classes. She was the stereotype of the nerd, awkward and shy girl.

They were bothering her and I defended her in the middle of the hallway, after lunch. I attacked one of them and the other one tried to hold me. I pulled his body over mine and straddled him, so I could beat him even more. The boy I attacked first had a knife and he opened a tiny cut on my right cheekbone, the guy I was punching on the floor punched my mouth, hard, and it started bleeding.

“We’d go easy on you, (Y/L/N).” one of them said. “But you wanna go the hard way, let’s go for the hard way.”

I grunted, cleaned my mouth with my left arm while getting up and spit blood with one of my teeth. “Too bad now you owe me a tooth, you fucker!”

I hit both of them hard. Since that day, my nickname at school was Toothfairy -  with several kicks and punches, I extracted a tooth from each one of them.

But I went to the principal's office. And when I thought I'd take the worst of talks from my grandma, she surprised me.

"Even though you took a 7-day suspension and got hurt" she began while driving us home with her old truck. "You made the right thing."

"I know, I shouldn't put myself in fi- what?" I got genuinely confused.

"You defended someone, Y/N." She said. "You were brave enough to take a beating for someone else and you didn't need it at all. You defended that girl and you hit two boys bigger than you and took blood from them. The ends justified the means after all."

"I thought you were mad at me." I said. "For being reckless."

"You were reckless, indeed." She said when stopped the truck in front of our home. "But you're more strong and powerful than you think, sweetie. You're a hero."

I returned my conscience soon after, when I saw Aaliyah in front of me. Her hands were no longer on my face.

"What else can you do that you’re hiding?” I asked looking into her eyes.

“I don’t know.” She confessed. “I just do it.”

I was about to say something when FRIDAY interrupted my train of thought. “The pizzas are at the kitchen, Y/N.”

“Thanks, FRIDAY.” I thanked the AI. “We talk about your powers later, let’s eat.”

We went to the elevators laughing soon after she jumped on my arms and held herself like a koala.

“It’s better if you go to my back.” I said and carefully the koala walk turned into a piggy back ride towards the kitchen.

“You better not touch our pizza, Stark.” I entered the kitchen with Aaliyah on my back, when I saw Tony and Sam touching the boxes. “Neither you, Birdie.”

“Why not?” He asked with a whine. “I’m hungry.”

“So are we.” I yawned and Aaliyah jumped from my back. Tony chuckled. “What’s so funny, rusty Coca Cola can?”

“Unless you’re pregnant” He began. “Who are “we”?”

I looked around and didn’t see Aaliyah. But before I could think “damn, where is she?” I felt a tug on my shirt and looked down. I sighed and crunched down to her height.

So she can get invisible too, I thought. Great.

“There is no need to be afraid, Aaliyah.” I said in a reassuring tone, looking at the air in front of me. “They’re my friends, and so are yours. Everyone in this compound will protect you, no matter what.”

Slowly, she got visible and looked at me, with the biggest green orbs, hair in a lazy braid and the AC/DC big shirt as a sleeping gown. 

“I’m hungry, Y/N.” She said and I smiled.

“Me too, sweetie.” I answered. “Koala walk to the kitchen isle?”

She nodded and I got up. She jumped on my arms once again, holding tightly, and I sat her on the marble isle, next to the pizza boxes. I felt eyes burning on me and looked to the direction of them to see the Wanda, Nat, Bucky, Vision and Steve there too, looking at me.

“What?” I asked and averted my gaze from them, focusing on Aaliyah. “You drink soda, right?”

She nodded and I went to the fridge to grab two Coca Cola cans. I put both cans on the kitchen isle and went to Aaliyah again. “Which one of those Godlike good smelling boxes do we open first?”

“Pepperoni.” She giggled and I opened one of the boxes.

“Who’d say you got that fluffy side on you, huh?” Nat said jokingly, not before grabbing a pizza slice. She looked at Aaliyah, who devoured her 2nd slice already. “Hey Aaliyah.”

She looked at Nat while chewing the said pizza slice. “Hey.”

“I’m Natasha, but you can call me Nat, okay?” Nat asked and she nodded.

“What are you waiting for, guys?” I asked looking at the rest of the team. “Suit yourselves, grab a slice.”

“I thought you told us not to touch your pizzas.” Sam said in sarcasm.

“I was joking, you heavy hearted bastard.” I smiled and went to open the other boxes. Sam grabbed a slice of pepperoni. Steve and Bucky shrugged and grabbed slices for themselves.

I was biting on my 2nd slice and sipping on my Coca Cola while I watched Aaliyah being the main focus of a few members of the team. She’d smile while talking or chewing and her laugh would fill my ears, making my heart flutter with joy.

It’s not that I’m ready to be a mother, which I’m definitely not. But suddenly I felt like I’d quit everything if it meant giving Aaliyah a normal life.

“What’s going on inside your head, Doll?” I heard Bucky asking me. He sat on the chair next to me, his human arm pulling my body next to his, my head feeling his pectoral muscle through the black shirt he wore, and both of my legs over his muscular ones.

“Do you know how it feels like you’d quit everything for a single person?” I asked him while I looked at Aaliyah and Wanda showing off their powers to the team and laughing when a pizza slice fell on Steve’s hair. The scene made me smile.

“Why?” He asked. “Would you quit everything for her?”

“If it meant she could live a normal life, I would.” I answered and looked at his blue orbs. “I don’t know why, but I would.”

“Answering your question” Bucky began, with his metal fingers caressing my legs, his eyes wandering while he chose his words. “I’ve been thinking of quitting for my own sake, you know? I did things I never thought I’d do in 70 years.”

“You talk about the Winter Soldier shit?” I asked and he nodded.

Bucky and I grew really close in the past weeks. Not just because of our nightmares and how we’d calm eachother, but because we got to know eachother like the palms of our hands.

It was almost like we’d known eachother for a lifetime.

The silence between us was conforting, but Bucky broke it. “Steve says that you’re reckless and shit, but it’s because he’s the same.”

“Is that so?” I asked. Bucky hummed in agreement.

“He’s a troublemaker since the 40s.” Bucky said with a chuckle. “He’ll take a little longer to apologize about what he said in today’s debriefing though.”

“I don’t need his apologies, James.” I said. “I regret nothing I said or did in my life. My grandmother taught me that way.”

“You’re not your grandmother, Y/N.” He said, grabbing my chin lightly, so I looked into his eyes. “You don’t need to hide in her shadow to be a great agent, a great team member. You already are.”

I began to think about what he had just said. And as if he saw my uneasiness and how insecure I was about that, he sighed.

“Let your guard down, Doll.” Bucky said. “Ou neither of us will see a glimpse of the real you.”

Tags (opened): @ailynalonso15 @witchymarvelspacecase @annabella789 @ladylustitia @theseldomseenkilljoy @wicket-master @purrrcrastination @coal000 @parisss-lilli @luv-what-you-do @s-killian14 @wowspideyholland @curlyhairedlolita @personwhoisntquitesureimalive @barnesdeservestheworld