#plus teddy did art for this chapter! check it out!!!

[yorkmas]

Things May Not Have Come to This - Chapter 9 is up! Read it here!

York seems to be acting differently this time around. Thomas tries to get to the bottom of things.

[lovemesomesurveys]

“The rest of your life” Are you independent or dependent? Both, but definitely more dependent. Even more so these past few years.

If you could put your life into a category, where would it go? I feel like this would be easier to answer if you gave a list of categories. I don’t know what kind of insight you’re looking for. <<< Yeah, I have no idea how to answer this.

How many animals do you have? I have one doggo. <3

Are you popular? Nope. Never was and that’s perfectly fine.

What time were you born? Around 430PM.

Have you had any candy this week? Nope.

Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? I’ve never experienced either one, but they both sound terrifying.

Do you like those nerd glasses? I don’t know what “nerd glasses” you’re referring to.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nope. Or any kind of physical fight.

What color is your house? Beige.

When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hmm. I don’t remember.

Have you ever ate a crayon? Nope.

Ever rode in a helicopter? Yes, after my accident I had to be flown to another hospital.

Do you like rabbits? Sure.

Do you like mushrooms? Nope.

“It’s like you step into the room and just press play” What was the last movie you cried at? On Halloween I rewatched It Chapter 2 and the ending always gets me in the feels with what happens to Eddie, when it shows the loser’s club as kids and then adults, and the letter from Stanley.

What ice cream flavor best describes your personality? Vanilla cause I’m plain and simple and “innocent”, ha.

Would you rather work for a small or large company? I don’t know.

Where's your favorite place to buy clothes? Boxlunch and Hot Topic.

How many languages do you speak? Just one fluently. I can speak some Spanish, though. 

What was the worst movie you've ever seen? Hm. There’s been several wtf movies, but I don’t know what I’d say was the worst. I don’t feel like thinking much about it.

What video game have you played the most? Mario bro games and most recently Animal Crossing: New Horizons. I’ve been playing that just about everyday for a lot of this year.

What was your favorite TV show as a child? Nick Jr shows, Playhouse Disney shows, Arthur, The Big Comfy Couch, Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Bobby’s World, some Cartoon Network cartoons, and Saturday morning cartoons like Recess and Pepperann.

What's your favorite sport? None.

If you were given a brand new yacht, what would you name it? I have no idea. 

Do you believe there’s life on other planets? Not in the form of ugly green creatures with odd shaped heads.

What was the worst place you ever traveled to? Hm. I haven’t been anywhere I didn’t really like.

What is one thing you’re really bad at? Life.

Do you believe in angels? Yes.

Would you rather be a famous actor or musician? Neither.

“where have you been all my life?” If you could have invented one thing, what would it have been? I don’t know.

What's your favorite exercise workout? I don’t have one. I don’t exercise :X

What's your favorite thing to do? Some things I like to do include surveys, reading, watching YouTube, scrolling through Tumblr, and checking my social medias.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? I’m sure dinner with family. Probably invited my aunts and cousins over.

Does your local Wal Mart have benches in them to rest? Yeah.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? I got more into stuffed animals as I got older to be honest when I started collecting giraffe stuffed animals.

If your house was haunted, what would you do? Uhh I don’t know.

Are you crazy in love currently? No.

Are you good at swimming? No, I can’t swim.

What's worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? Slow internet is suuuuper frustrating.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? Use me and play me.

Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? Out.

What do you do to fall asleep faster? I don’t have much say when I fall asleep, but to try and help with that I listen to ASMR.

Do you carry a bottle of water wherever you go? No.

Ae you afraid that one day you might get cancer? It is something I’m afraid of. I’m someone who tends to think it’s always a possibility whenever something is wrong or I’m really sick.

“Letters to Juliet” Are you a fast or slow walker? I’m a fast wheeler.

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I never wear a belt.

Does it bother you when people's underwear hangs out? Kinda cause as someone in a wheelchair I’m at the level of a lot of people’s behinds lol and yeah, I don’t particularly want to see their underwear. Even worse if their ass is hanging out.

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? No.

When's your birthday? July 28th.

Do you own a bobble-head toy? Yes.

What color was the towel you used to dry off with today after a shower? I haven’t showered yet today.

Has anyone ever walked you home? Yeah.

Have you ever liked someone and they were taken? Yes.

When was the last time you went fishing? I’ve only tried it once, briefly. It wasn’t my thing.

True or false: You've read the book Lord of the Flies? True.

Have you heard of the band Yellowcard? Yep. 

Have you ever seen the show Teen Wolf? I never got into it.

Do you have any quotes, lyrics etc on your walls? No. Are you a fan of Star Wars? Yes. I finally caught up on season 2 of The Mandalorian so far last night.

“Our parents never let us cross the street, but we did it anyway” Has anyone ever told you that you have nice hair? Yes.

What brand of camera do you own? I use my iPhone XR.

Is there something you're not looking forward to? My next doctor appointment.

Have you ever read the book Thirteen Reasons Why? Yep, back when I was in high school.

Do you wear white pants? No. I avoid wearing white cause I’m a slob haha.

When was the last time you were really angry? My doctor pisses me off. I don’t know why it’s so hard to get a call back regarding some lab results. I call and they say they’re waiting for the doctor to look over them and they’ll call me back to let me know but ugh it’s been taking days.

Have you ever made a 3 pointer in a basketball game? I’ve never participated in a basketball game.

Do you think you look better with your hair up or down? Down, but I always throw it up because it’s easier to deal with. I don’t have the energy or motivation to style or do anything with it.

Do you warm up before you hardcore exercise? I don’t hardcore exercise. Or exercise at all.

Do you want a pair of Converse shoes? Not currently.

Are you more of a studs or hoops type of person when it comes to earrings? Studs.

How many shirts do you have of your favorite band? Two.

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? It’s already on, it’s currently on The Hallmark Channel. 

Have you ever wore a tie before? No.

What did you have for breakfast this morning? I haven’t ate anything yet today, it’s only 5:28AM.

“For the Krusty Krab” Are you good at art? Nope, not at all.

How many times have you read your favorite book? I don’t reread books, actually. 

Name one thing that you really hate. My health.

Have you ever tried walking on stilts? No. That would be impossible for me.

Is there a war that you find interesting? I’ve read the most about the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln. Especially for one of my community college history classes because the professor was a big Lincoln buff and I did a paper on Lincoln and the war.

Would you rather live in the city or country? City.

Do you think $7 is too much for a movie ticket? $7 is okay, but our movie tickets are more than that.

Would you like to be a newscast person? No. Fun fact: I was one of the newscasters on my elementary school’s news program when I was in the 7th grade, though. I enjoyed it, it was fun. It was nerve wracking, too, cause I went to a k-8th grade school and the news program played in every single grade/classroom. 

Do you like word searches, coloring or crosswords better? I enjoy word searches and coloring.

Close your eyes and press a random key on the keyboard. j

How many William’s do you know? I don’t know any.

What time did you wake up this morning? It’s 5:34AM, I haven’t gone to bed yet.

Do you enjoy crutches? I’ve never used them, but does anyone actually enjoy them? They’re beneficial and necessary for some, so it’s great that they exist, but I don’t know if anyone actually enjoys them.

What's better: Snapple or Arizona tea? I used to love Arizona teas when I was a teenager. The green tea and the watermelon flavors were my favorite.

Make a word out of the word: Dinosaur. Sound.

“she said I love this song, I’ve heard it before” When you were younger, did you play with legos? Yeah.

Do you like Trix cereal? Yes. I haven’t had it in several years, though.

Do you get nervous easily? Yesss.

How long is your Facebook password? Uh, I’m not sharing that.

Do you like the movie Mean Girls? Yes.

How do you want your wedding to be? I don’t plan on getting married.

Have you seen the movie or show Catfish? Both. I love the tv show.

Do you hate it when you arrive to something early? No, I hate when I arrive to something late.

Have you ever been on Omegle? Yes.

Are you still in love with one of your exes? Nope. I moved on years ago.

Do you think it's attractive when guys wear beanies? It can be, sure.

What's something that makes you feel shy in public? Being in crowded places is one.

Do you like the shows on MTV? I like Catfish and the Teen Mom shows.

If you could go back and relive one day, what day? Hm. I’d have to really think about that if it was just one day.

What's one word you hate to be called? Sensitive. I know I am, but I hate being told “I’m too sensitive.” Plus sometimes it’s like, “no, maybe you’re just mean?” 

[houseofasgard]

Moon and Stars | Two

the more your child grows, the less thor leaves your side and you remember how the two of you met.

warnings: unprotected sex, fluff, thor had a bad dream, breeding kink

word count: 4.3k

a/n: tags are always open! i hope you guys enjoy it as much as i enjoy writing this series. ✧･ﾟ: * this is more of a flashback chapter but i love how it turned out?

Moon and Stars masterlist

Part 1

It had been 5 months since you told Thor you were with child and he hardly left your side. Whenever he slept, it was always with his head by your belly or his arms were wrapped protectively around your waist, hands resting on your growing stomach. He was there for every check up, every craving, every trip to the bathroom as he held your hair back and laughed whenever you told him it was his fault.

Thor didn't know much about babies, but he was determined to educate himself. He began to read every book he could find in the palace library on pregnancy, sometimes staying up until the early morning unless you forced him to bed. He even made it a habit to visit the common children, but he would never hold a baby. When offered, he would politely decline, saying that the first child he wanted to hold was his own. To say he was excited was an understatement.

Once your feet began to swell, Thor would carry you almost everywhere. Though you insisted that you could walk perfectly fine, he didn't want to hear any of it. You quickly learned that he was a professional in the art of arguing and decided against telling him no. Plus he needed this. This big, muscular God was really just a soft teddy on the inside, that wanted to be involved in the life of his child and to help you in any way he possibly could. You could tell how happy this pregnancy made him and your heart swelled knowing you were half responsible for the reason of that happiness.

Not only was Thor feeling something from this but you were too. If someone had told you that you'd be married to and have the child of the God of Thunder, the Prince and future King of Asgard, you'd call them crazy. You weren't a princess or born of any kind of nobility, you weren't a warrior, you had never held a sword in your life. He would never notice you, he didn't even know you existed.

Not so surprisingly.

You were a lonely, shy seamstress who had no family or friends and lived alone with her cat. After your mother died, you took over her business, sewing clothes for a living. It wasn't exactly what you planned on spending your life doing but you knew how much this meant to her and you were her only child. You didn't hate it too much though, you liked the quiet and calm life you had. That was until you met him.

You didn't think he would notice you, no one ever did. Odin was in need of a new royal seamstress and when you were recommended to him, he immediately sent for you. To say you were surprised when two royal guards knocked on your door was an understatement. Your mind raced, as they walked you back to the palace. Had you done something wrong? You tried to think of any trouble you might have caused but you were always cooped up in your small home. It was impossible.

Your heart fluttered when you found out Odin wanted you to work for him. You accepted without hesitation, how could you deny your king? He needed you to work your magic immediately, wanting to set you up with your own chambers in the palace but you declined. You worked til early morning that day before packing up and returning to your small home. You could almost see your mother smiling, knowing she was proud of you wherever she was.

You loved your job, having worked for the royal family for a few months now. Over that time you had become close friends with Thor, The Golden Prince. Though if you were being honest with yourself, you had more than friendly feelings for him that you had no choice but to ignore. You were a seamstress and he was a Prince. You knew you were lucky to have even gained his friendship, and you knew it was wrong to have any more feelings than platonic for him. But how could you not fall for him? He was the first person to show you any kind of affection that wasn't motherly. Whenever he wasn't off defending the nine realms or tending to his royal duties, he spent his time getting to know you.

You had fallen in love with his personality, sheepishly admitting he was completely different than you thought he would be. Although Thor was huge and somewhat scary, deep down he was nothing more than a big hulking dork.

Once, he might have even stayed the night in your small home. He was at odds with his father and decided he needed to get away from his luxurious life. He knew just where to go and you didn't deny him. Your bed wasn't as large as his but he didn't seem to mind, wrapping you in his arms and letting you fall asleep against his chest. Against your protest to give him space and privacy. Thor listened to none of it as he pulled you close and you could not lie, you enjoyed his comfort.

You had to convince yourself it was only in a friendly manner but you couldn't ignore the way your heart fluttered.

You weren't expecting it, the knock on your door that had you jumping up out of your sleep as your heart and mind raced. What could one possibly want at this time? It was dark out, late, far too late for anyone to be coming to you with business requests. Another knock had you stumbling out of bed, hair messy, gown nearly falling off your shoulders.

When you opened the door your very obvious, sleepy glare melted away as your eyes widened in shock, your body automatically straightening itself out as you fixed your gown .

"My Prince? Is something wrong?" Your voice was shaky and you could hear your heart pounding through your chest. Even if you and Thor had formed a friendship, you still couldn't believe it whenever he'd visit you at your home. Sometimes pinching yourself to see if it was a dream, the spot turning red and sore from the action.

"Y/N, did I awake you?" He said with the softest, possibly most delicate voice you had ever heard. His form standing tall in front of you, it was almost intimidating.

Almost.

"Yes" you didn't want to lie but you immediately regretted that decision when his smile turned into a small frown.

No!

"But it's fine! I- i wasn't-" you paused, blushing like a fool, wanting to sink into the floor at the moment.

Thor only smiled at this, though it looked like more of a smirk.

"May I come in?"

You nodded too quickly for your liking and moved aside, your heart thumping wildly as it did anytime he stepped foot into your home. This was a dream right? How could it be though, when he turned and looked at you like that? His eyes glistening in the candlelight, staring at you as if you were the most beautiful creature in the universe, looking you up and down.

When did it get so hot in here?

It didn't take long for you two to fall into conversation. Sitting at your small round table in your dining room, sipping on steaming hot tea. Honey was Thor's favorite. You two always talked as if you knew each other well enough. You often thought maybe you had met him in another life and you were lovers-

Stop!

You can't think that way. He was your prince, the future king and you were but a seamstress. Thor didn't seem to mind this fact though. He enjoyed your company, your shy laugh and that smile that made him forget about all of his problems and responsibilities he wanted to run away from. And he did. Whenever he was feeling overwhelmed he came to you. If you weren't in the palace then he'd come to your home. The first time it happened, you were nervous and quiet, only speaking when you were spoken to.

Over the weeks you became more open with him. You told him about your mom, how your life had become grey after her passing of natural causes and how you had no other family you knew of. You never met your dad, only hearing stories of him when your mom felt in the mood to speak of him. He was a warrior, she would tell you.

Thor sympathized with you. He didn't know why but he felt comfortable enough to rant to you about his life. How he did not wish to become king, how he didn't want to marry any of the women his parents tried to force him to. He told you he'd rather marry for love than duty, staring deeply into your eyes and not looking away. You only broke contact when you blushed and looked down, biting down on your lip to keep from smiling.

"I must admit Lady Y/N, I haven't come because of my usual reasons. To be honest, I could not sleep." He put down his goblet and looked you dead in the eye.

There it was again. The uncountable thumps of your heart beating out of your chest. You weren't sure if it was a good or bad thing that he made your body act that way all from a stare.

Thor couldn't help himself. He knew he shouldn't be here, he knew this was highly inappropriate and he had wondered if anyone ever seen him slip in and out of your home and got the wrong idea. He realized how this might have looked to others but he could not stop himself from coming to see you. Especially not when he had that dream of you.

"Oh? May I ask what's troubling you?" He could tell you were nervous by the way you played with your fingers, he always noticed it. Though he tried to get you to forget formalities when it was just you and him, he knew his title intimidated you. It was adorable to him and somewhat of a turn on.

'Do it you coward. Tell her!' His mind screamed at him.

He didn't know what drew him to you but he wanted to know you, inside and out. More than he had ever wanted to know anyone else. He met so many women, knew some for hundreds of years and yet none could make him feel the way you did in just a few months. Had you put him under a spell? It was the only explanation for the racing of his heart, the nervousness filling his body from head to toe. Thor had always taken pride in his confidence to speak to women but now he felt like a shy little body who just masturbated for the first time.

Still, he had not known what to say to you. How could he tell you that he dreamt of your body underneath his, dripping with salt slick sweat as he suckled at your throat, pushing himself deep inside of your heat, spilling himself into you? That he had woken up hard and with an urge to declare his love for you? That he desperately wanted that dream to come true?

No. He could show you better than he could tell you and if you hadn't felt the same then he would apologize and accept your friendship. But for now, for once, he was going to follow his heart and go after something, someone, that HE wanted. Not some bloody stuck up noble woman his parents had chosen for him. If just for one night, Thor was going to be selfish, Gods know he deserved it.

Without answering your question, he stood from his chair and made his way to you. It was nerve wrecking, the way your innocent eyes watched as he moved closer to you. Thor didn't think, he just did what his body told him to do. Once he stood in front of you, he took one of your hands into his and pulled you to your feet.

"Thor?" You asked in a whispered voice, low, nervous, hopeful? You hoped he was going to do what you thought but another part of your mind reminded you of your position.

"What are you-" Thor held a finger to your mouth then turned it, running it across your soft lips. You heart fell to the ground, you're sure of it. You could not breathe, how do you breathe again? Surely you forgotten with the feeling of him touching you that way. You weren't sure you knew your own name anymore and all he did was touch your lips.

'Have mercy on me'

"Gods, you are so beautiful." He whispered, his electric blue eyes staring so deeply into yours. Your body was burning so hot, you were sure you were melting into the ground. You would have literally fell had Thor not been holding you up. Your knees had gone incredibly weak.

"Please tell me I'm not overstepping any boundaries here. Tell me you feel it too." He put one hand on your lower back and pulled you flush against his chest. Even a deaf person could hear the desperation in his voice and a blind person could see his desire and want for you.

"Never Thor. Never." That was all he needed before he leaned down and placed his lips on yours.

The kiss was soft at first, both of you savoring the feeling of the fireworks going off in your bodies. Then, it got more heated. Thor started teasing your lips with his tongue, asking for access to your mouth, which you eagerly gave him. His tongue meeting yours for the first time was something like you had never felt. You could feel a tingle in your womanhood, an urge to squeeze your thighs together to put some pressure on the ache that began to form down there.

Moaning into his mouth, you wrapped your arms around his neck, your fingers slithering into his hair and pulling lightly. God knows how much you've always wanted to touch his golden locks. Thor smirked into your mouth before leaning down a bit, grabbing both of your thighs and wrapping your legs around his waist, your slippers falling off your feet like butter and your nightgown rising up your thighs.

Thor walked until he laid you on your bed, his body placed securely between your thighs and his lips traveled from your mouth down to your neck where he sucked hard, determined to mark his territory.

This was highly inappropriate, you knew it and yet you couldn't bring yourself to stop him. You didn't want to stop him. How could you stop him? How could something so wrong feel so right? So good? This cant happen, you're not wed, you're not even his betrothed and yet you were like jelly beneath him.

Thor moved down to kiss your heart, smiling up at you as it sped up before moving to lean over you once more. He could see the unsureness on your face, his smile fell a bit, more soft this time. He leaned down, capturing your lips with his.

"Don't be afraid." He whispered against your mouth, his finger tracing your collarbone and down to the curve of your breast.

"I'm not afraid" you said in a voice strong enough to convince Thor that you meant it. He searched your eyes to make sure you were telling the truth and when he found nothing that contradicted what you said, he smirked. Your body started to burn up again- I mean. Had it ever really stopped? You didn't know but you knew you were burning hotter than before and there was no way Thor could not feel it with his body pressed up against yours so tightly.

"I will be gentle, my moon" He whispered, placing soft kisses against your neck before moving his hand down your thighs and pressing his thumb against your womanhood.

Your breath hitched and your eyes closed, head thrown back in bliss. He moved his thumb in a slow circular motion and you bit your lip to silence the moan that threatened to escape but it was useless because when Thor applied pressure, you were completely and utterly consumed by desire. The moan you fought to contain had broken free, the sound was like Valhalla to Thor's ears. He wanted to hear more. No he needed to hear more.

So he lifted himself high enough to literally rip your gown off your body. You gasped in shock, most women would be pissed to have a good gown ruined but the action only turned you on more, if that were even possible. You could now feel the wetness soaking your thighs and your cheeks burned. Thank God you hadn't been wearing any panties, or else those would have been ruined too.

Thor remained on his knees, between your legs. He stared at you with stars and desire in his eyes, taking in the sight of your body as it took his breath away. He had never seen anything so damn beautiful in his millennia and a half of life and he tried to let it all soak in. He wanted to remember this. The sight of you.

You had felt a bit self conscious and went to cover your body but Thor smacked your hand away before fixing his eyes on yours.

"Most beautiful body in all of the galaxy." And he only laughed when you whined his name, getting off the bed to remove his clothing as you reached for him to come back.

Once he stripped down to nothing, your eyes widened in fear at his size. Not that you'd ever done this before but you were sure that there couldn't be anyone possibly as big as him. You were afraid he could not fit you, your tiny body could not handle something so large in size.

Thor only smiled, stroking his already hard cock as he walked back to you. You thought he was going to lay over you again and get it over and done with but he only sat on the edge of the bed, then motioned for you to join him, to climb onto his lap. Your body was on fire as you crawled over to him, his strong calloused hands gripping your waist, helping you settle onto his lap.

You nearly came apart when his cock rubbed against your pussy, pressing onto the sensitive nub and you didn't know what came over you but you lifted your hips a bit and started to grind into him. The feeling was erotic and now you wanted nothing more than to feel him inside of you. Clearly he had wanted the same thing as he grabbed your waist with one hand, halting your movements and lifting your body up (thank you god strength) and using the other to position his cock at your entrance.

"Whenever you're ready princess" Your body shivered at the name and you couldn't help but smile and connect his lips with yours, your arms sliding around his neck once more. He was letting you decide if this was really what you wanted and you had not needed to give it a second thought as you moved down, the tip of his cock pushing past your tight entrance.

You both moaned in pleasure, both of Thor's hands now holding onto your waist tightly as he broke the kiss and leaned his forehead to yours. His breath fanned across your face as he tucked some hair behind your ear, whispering sweet and encouraging words into your mouth. He helped you take him, using his hands to pull you down onto him.

"Am I hurting you?" He asked every time you'd taken a new inch of him inside of you. Thor wanted to make sure you were alright but with the way you were squeezing around his cock once he was fully situated inside of you, he couldn't help but throw his head head back; eyes closed and mouth hung open. He was home, he knew it. He had never felt anything greater, nothing had ever made him feel so complete.

You on the other hand were sure you were going to explode. The mix of the sting from the stretch and the pleasure in your belly was doing things to you. You wanted more, needed more, needed him to move. So you did. You moved your hips in a circle slowly at first, adjusting to the feeling of him inside of you. Thor was patient, his mouth sucking on your neck again, hands gripping your waist so tightly you were sure there'd be bruises the following morning. 

What would happen come morning? Would Thor stay with you tonight? Was this a one time thing? Regardless, it was something you could worry about later.

At some point you stopped noticing how much he was still stretching you and your movements sped up.

"My god." Thor breathed, looking up at you with passion and lust sparkling in his eyes.

He loved the feeling of your body on his lap but he needed to get closer, get deeper. Without warning, he turned you around so you were beneath him again, cock still hard inside of you. He looked down at you, admiring the way your eyes closed and the smile that was plastered on your face. Thank the Gods he swallowed his pride and fear and came to you after that dream. It could never compare to the real thing.

It started slow, he wanted to worship and take his time with you but that sweet loving side had faded into something more animalistic when you began to move your hips up, grinding into him.

"Fuck, you will be the death of me." He grabbed your legs, opening them wider so you could take more of him and he started pounding into you. Your loud moans of his name had only encouraged him more. His breaths had turned into sharp gasps as he grabbed tightly onto your leg.

You came first, the bubble that had been building up in your stomach had finally burst, fireworks going off in your body and you clenched around Thor's cock, impossibly tighter.

"My God, yes, squeeze me."  He groaned, hiding his face into your neck as he chased his orgasm, his chest red with heat and slick with sweat. The only sound that could be heard was skin slapping into each other and the sound of your wetness. You were like a waterfall and Thor's pelvis was soaked in your juices, wetting his pubic hairs. This only turned him on more.

He had lost his rhythm, his thrusts were crazed as he pounded forward, deeper and he only lost himself when you whispered into his ear.

"Cum inside of me, cum for me Thor." It was wrong, this was so wrong but you needed to get him there. Wanted to feel him fill you up.

He couldn't stop himself as he grabbed your breast tightly, pushed his cock in a few more times then groaned heavily into your ear as he went still. He knew he should have pulled out but there was something much more satisfying about spilling himself into you, putting his seed where it belonged. His mouth dropped open as his cum filled you, hot and heavy, cock twitching inside of you, eyes rolling back. The thought of his baby growing inside your belly clouding his mind.

Once you both calmed enough and remembered how to breathe, Thor looked at you with adoration in his eyes and this time you didn't care to hide your burning face. You returned his look, your hands going into his soft hair again.

"I love you, princess"

You knew after this you could no longer look at Thor as only your friend. You couldn't hide your desire for him and he thought the same.

You were sound asleep in Thor's arms when it happened. There was a loud boom of thunder that shook the palace and you, out of your slumber. Then Thor. He had jumped out of his sleep, startling you as he gasped for air, his chest hot red, moving up and down heavy and fast. His eyes were squeezed shut, gripping the sheets tightly between his fist as he regained consciousness.

You instantly sat on your knees beside him, your arm wrapping around his shoulder, your other hand on his chest as you titled your head to get a better view at his face.

"What is it Thor?" He didn't answer. He was too afraid to as he tried to push the images he'd just seen out of his head. Too brutal for even someone as strong and powerful as him.

You let him have a moment, deciding now wasn't the time for questions and to just be supportive in his moment of need.

You whispered encouraging words in his ear, telling him it was only a nightmare and it was over now. You were safe, he was safe and your child was safe.

Thor finally looked at you when you said that, his hand slowly moving to touch your belly. He knew you were right. You were here, safe, in his arms and carrying his child. Just as things should be.

But he needed to assure himself of that and before you knew what he was doing, he had pushed you onto your back and slid down your body until his head was between your thighs.

You didn't stop him, because while he may have been having a nightmare, you dreamed of the first night he made love to you.

"Gonna make you feel so good, my wife." And he ripped your panties off, just as he did to your gown those many nights ago.

Gods have mercy on me

Tags: @must-escape-reality

[timetogoslumming]

@fleetwoodwormy​ Alright! I’m not going to do all of Mountain Ridge because there’s a lot, but let’s do a random chapter. I’m going to take a closer look at Chapter 5: War.

This chapter became one of the most popular ones I wrote, but a lot of it was never supposed to happen. I had a rough outline of what would happen, but all I really had planned was general first day of camp stuff and Davey’s talk with Race where Davey mentioned being gay. I was aiming for around 2000 words per chapter and it was still too short, so I ended up improvising The Raccoon Scene. 

It did have some purpose, though. I wanted to build on the relationship between Jack, Crutchie, and Race as a trio and introduce a bit of chaos, but I also wanted to show that while they’re good at their jobs, they’re also kind of in over their heads. 

I’m going to do a close read of the chapter with more detail under the cut.

I had a doc going while I was writing to keep track of staff positions and cabins, but I also kept track of a few important campers. A few didn’t end up making the story, but all three of these were in there. Plus, another camper that shows up this chapter, Teddy.

This little moment is small, but it’s kind of huge for Davey in a couple of ways. On one hand, there’s his blossoming friendship with Jack. Davey is a pretty shy person, but he felt comfortable enough with Jack to invite him along. I believe this was the first time that Davey made the first move in their relationship (in a manner of speaking.)

On the other hand, there’s Albert and Elmer waiting for him. We see in the exposition that Davey is not accustomed to having a lot of friends, but here are these two guys that he barely knows waiting for him so they could walk together. Albert and Elmer were already friends, so they definitely could’ve gone on without him, but they chose to wait for Davey, and that’s a big deal.

I had to do lice checks every week during check-in when I worked at camp. You put on rubber gloves and use Q-tips to comb through every kid’s hair. If you find anything, they don’t get to come to camp. The whole process is deeply unpleasant.

This scene is actually part of what inspired me to write this whole fic. The initial idea wasn’t to write a summer camp AU– it was to write an AU where all of the Brooklyn boys were lifeguards. That turned into me rewriting Brooklyn’s Here with lifeguarding lyrics, which was quickly scrapped. It turned into all of this, though. 

Throughout the first half of Mountain Ridge, we see Race and Crutchie (especially Race) warning Jack against starting a relationship with Davey. We don’t get much more information about that, except that Jack had a previous camp romance that ended badly. I’m getting into the nitty gritty of that relationship in the Mountain Ridge prequel. Let’s just say, Race had his reasons.

Throughout this chapter, Davey is called David and Davey in the narration at varying points. It’s not random! When the scene is from Davey’s point of view, he’s referred to as “David” in the narration, because that’s how he sees himself. In the very beginning, he was always referred to as David, no matter whose perspective it was. When they met Sarah and she called him Davey, the nickname caught on and from then on, all scenes not from his perspective referred to him as “Davey” in the narration. There is an exception to this: as Spot and Davey grew closer, Spot had his own names for him, so in Return to Mountain Ridge, he’s usually referred to as “David” or “Dave” if the scene was from Spot’s perspective.

Mountain Ridge is written from a third person limited point of view. The story is being told be a narrator, rather than a character, but it focuses on one character at a time. You could imagine a floating video camera, but it only follows around one person at a time and can only see things around that person. For a more common example: Harry Potter is written in third person limited. You follow Harry and get his thoughts, but that’s it. 

I feel like the fandom has changed in the past few years but when I was first writing this, Davey was often portrayed in fics as either deeply closeted or in denial when it comes to his sexuality. While that’s a very real situation and there’s nothing wrong with that, I wanted to write a different type of Davey. This Davey has always been confident and supported in his sexuality. He grew up in a home where he was celebrated and never felt like he needed to be shy or ashamed of it, and I really enjoyed writing that.

Crutchie, bless him, he’s doing his best. Pro-tip: Potato stamps are pretty fun. 

I wish I were an artist, because I just find this image hilarious and it’ll forever be trapped in my head.

This scene is goofy, and it’s chaotic, but I think it also shows that number one, Jack has no idea what he’s doing. And number two, that although their methods may be ridiculous, these boys are pretty good at thinking on their feet. Quick thinking comes into play periodically in their work, particularly for Jack. He doesn’t think he’s very smart, but that boy does know how to improvise.

This is just a bit where we get to see them laughing, making jokes, and enjoying themselves, with a quick reminder that their still in out of their depths. The situation is actually sort of dangerous, but it’s also so ridiculous that they can’t help but laugh. Plus, doing something as crazy as trapping a raccoon in the art hut with your best friends? You can’t be upset about that.

So, yeah. That was a close read/ director’s commentary of chapter 5. I actually really enjoyed this. If yall would be interested in more like this, let me know.

[nearlynorth]

Butterflies Chapter Three

Charlotte collapsed on her bed after she had ended the call with Teddy. A smile was plastered on her face as she stared at the ceiling. He was ridiculously funny, the only thing that she needed to cheer her up.

"Honey?" Charlotte's mom called up from the lower level of the house. Caroline Ramsey was patiently waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her daughter. "We have to leave soon if we are going to make it to the gallery on time. We are meeting your brothers there."

"I'm coming, Mom!" Charlotte said as she straightened her dress and made some last minute adjustments to her hair. She looked in the mirror to check her makeup, making sure the burgundy lipstick she had applied earlier wasn't smudged. When she saw that it wasn't, Charlotte left her room and descended the stairs to meet her mother.

"You look lovely, dear." Caroline said as she took in her daughters red dress that matched her lipstick. "Red is your color."

"Thanks Mom." Charlotte grinned before flipping her hair over her shoulder. "I know. It always and forever will be my color." She laughed before exiting the house to go sit in the car.

Charlotte's father, Jacob Ramsey, was already sitting in the car, waiting for his youngest daughter and his wife. When Charlotte sat in the backseat of the car, he twisted around in his seat to talk to her. "Are you excited to see Aurora?"

"I'm super excited!" Charlotte grinned. "Her paintings are always fantastic." They were going to a Muggle art gallery to see the paintings. Aurora had a talent that wasn't related to magic, and she pursued it after Hogwarts. The entirety of the Ramsey family supported her in it, and Aurora had quickly become quite famous in the art community. This was her second art show in as many weeks. Charlotte wasn't able to go to the ones that occurred during the school year, so she did her best to go to the shows that happened over the summer.

"We have very talented children." Charlotte's father smiled over at her mother before he backed the car out of the driveway. He carefully maneuvered the car around Mrs. Anderson's cat.

"We do." Caroline smiled back at her husband before continuing. "I wonder where they get that from?"

Charlotte watched her parents laugh together, a smile gracing her own face. Her parents were so in love, so happy together. That was what she wanted in her life, something she hoped that she could get with Teddy. But he didn't feel the same about her. She was always going to be the best friend, and never anything more. Charlotte wrapped her arms around herself and sighed, shaking her head at herself.

When Charlotte and her parents arrived at the art gallery, her brothers were waiting for them at the door. Both brothers immediately grinned at the sight of their youngest sister and parents. Acrux, the oldest of the Ramsey siblings and an auror, waved them over as soon as he saw them. Charlotte ran over to her brothers and immediately hugged both of them tightly. She hadn't seen them for a while and was going to miss them while she was at Hogwarts.

When Charlotte pulled away, Brandon ruffled her hair. "Hey little sis. Nice nose piercing." He smirked as Charlotte hurriedly righted her hair and blushed.

"Oh, shut up." Charlotte smiled and her tone was light. "My friend dared me to do it and I wasn't going to back down. I would never have been able to live that down if I had. And I kind of like it."

"Alright, alright." Brandon smiled. "So what's new with you?"

"I'm Head Girl!" Charlotte grinned.

As soon as she said this, Aurora walked up to the family. "You are? Charlotte, that's so exciting!" Aurora hugged her little sister before pulling her off to the gallery. "See you all later!" She called out to the rest of her relatives.

"Rory, don't we need to wait for them?" Charlotte said, slightly confused. She had thought that the whole family was going to get to see the paintings, and voiced as such.

"Don't worry about them! They'll get to see the paintings eventually. But I wanted to show you one on your own, and to talk about your call to me last night." Aurora said, leading Charlotte down a hallway filled with paintings.

Charlotte responded with a groan. "Do we really have to talk about that?"

"We do. So, Teddy Lupin huh?" Aurora smiled mischievously as she teased her younger sister. "He's pretty cute."

"He is, but don't let Anna hear you say that." Charlotte blushed and laughed with her sister.

"Oh as if!" Aurora scoffed. "He's cute, but not my type. How was the concert?"

"It was great! The Weird Sister's are my favorite band. Teddy really knows how to choose a gift." Charlotte sighed as she thought about Teddy. "Did you know that Teddy is Head Boy?"

"I did not. This is new information. This is great! You two have to do patrols together now!" Aurora said, still leading Charlotte down a hallway. It was a long hallway.

"I know." Charlotte groaned. "It's going to be awk-" Charlotte's voice trailed off as she caught sight of the painting at the end of the hall. "Is that, is that me?" Aurora just nodded.

The base of the painting was a black and white image of Charlotte, nose stud and all. Color was almost bursting off the canvas, bright splashes of gold and red and yellow. Charlotte gasped. "It's beautiful."

"Thank you. It's really you that makes it beautiful." Aurora hugged Charlotte. "Mum sent me the photo, and I just had to paint. You inspired me. I did one of Anna too." Aurora pointed to an equally as beautiful painting to the right of the one of Charlotte. This one was done in blues and greens and purples.

"I, I don't know what to say." Charlotte was almost speechless. In all the years that Aurora had been painting, she had never painted Charlotte. "I can't tell you how much this means to me."

"That was almost the exact same reaction as Anna. She almost cried." Aurora shook her head as she smiled. "But I'm glad you like it. It's Gryffindor themed too."

"Well, you know red is my color." Charlotte giggled.

Her parents and brothers chose that moment to appear. "Oh Rory, they are beautiful." Her mother cried. Besides the paintings of Charlotte and Anna, there were sunsets and landscapes. There was even an especially beautiful painting of what looked suspiciously like Hogwarts.

"Thanks mum." Aurora grinned sheepishly. "Thanks for the photo of Charlotte."

"It was not problem. If that's what you turn them into, I'll certainly send you more!" Caroline told her oldest daughter.

"Oh!" Aurora snapped her head up from where she had been examining a painting. "Anna wanted me to say hi to all of you for her. She had class today, so she couldn't come, but she said that she wished that she could."

"Tell her that we say hi back." Charlotte told Aurora, grinning.

"Will do." Aurora nodded. "Why don't we all go out to eat? I'm starving!"

The whole family laughed at her, but agreed.

"The Leaky Cauldron?" Someone suggested, and the family agreed. Going their separate ways to get there, they met back up again outside The Leaky Cauldron.

"Nice to see you, Tom." Acrux tipped his hat to the bartender before the family settled into a booth and began digging into their food.

"Sho argh yfu rqdtd forsh shoeh?" Brandon asked, chasing the table to erupt in laughter.

"Don't speak with your mouth full! I've seen First Years with better manners than you, Brandon!" Charlotte said teasingly.

Swallowing his food and clearing his throat, Brandon continued. "So, are you ready for your last year at Hogwarts?"

"I am! I'm excited to be Head Girl, but I'm kind of sad that it's my last year. How were your last years?" Charlotte asked her family.

Her parents shared a look. "Ours were kind of crazy. Your mother was Head Girl and I was the captain of the Quidditch team. It was an action packed year." Her father said, holding hands with his wife.

"I started dating Anna during Seventh Year, so that was a plus. I also had finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life. That was also a plus." Aurora told Charlotte. "Seventh Year was good."

"Tonks convinced me to become an Auror that year when I went to visit the Ministry over holiday. We saw each other in the elevator. All she could talk about was Teddy and becoming and Auror." Acrux said, noting the blush that spread over Charlotte's cheeks at the mention of Teddy.

"The coach of the Appleby Arrows recruited me for after Hogwarts after seeing me play that year. I was very excited." Brandon grinned as he revisited the memories of that year that he had. "Good year."

"I'm excited," Charlotte said again. "It's going to be a good year."

And it would be. For both Charlotte Ramsey and Teddy Lupin, it would be a good year.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #204

“welcome to the gospel of dismay.”

Have you ever started reading a book and wondered if you’d read it before? I don't believe so. What has been bothering you a lot lately? Just job stuff... My VR coach and I are having difficulty finding something suitable for me (or something I'm even qualified for) to the point it's looking like I have no choice but to reach out of my comfort zone quite a bit. Thankfully, whatever I do, she goes to work with me and my case isn't closed until I feel totally comfortable at the job, but I just don't want to hop around five times until I find something that fits. I'm just ready to be settled into a job that's not torture for me. What (or who) have you been missing lately? I've been missing Sara really, really badly. My friend Alex, too. It's seemed lately that I only matter when she wants to talk, solely about her boyfriend. As for what, motivation... It's been running low low low lately. Miss having the drive to write like I used to. Miss hobbies. I miss doing things. Are you trustworthy? Yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? In few situations, such as not to hurt other's feelings. Have you ever hallucinated? When coming off of a medication, yes. I saw moving shadows. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Open. Roman would neeeever let me sleep with it closed, but even then, I prefer not to have it closed. My mom sleeps right outside my room on the couch, and even though we're sleeping, it gives me a natural sense of security to be able to see her. I'm such an infant. By God, do I need to loosen up on my attachment to her. What flags do you have in your room, if any? None. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Recovery is the best thing, as for who, Sara. Although in some ways you could say Jason just because of how he changed me to an incredible degree and brought about the development of a lot of strength and less naivety, plus a LOT of self-discovery. I guess it depends on how you look at the question. What is the worst decision you ever made? Essentially turning Jason into a god. Letting my life depend on him loving me. Do you miss college? Jfc, I miss school PERIOD. I don't need to give the sob story about how I'm like a prisoner to my house again and how I don't really have friends. I miss having a purpose, and I neeeeed to be exposed to strangers again for social exercise, as well as hopefully to make friends. I just want something to do and work towards my career. I stg my fucking old college better get their shit together so I can go next semester. I will actually lose my shit otherwise. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? I think I have by accident before. I still call an old teacher that's now a family friend "2nd Mom" sometimes. What is your favorite arcade game? Idk what are "normal" ones. Oh, well, do crane machines count? So rigged, but they're fun. Do you feel neglected? No, for the most part. Those most important in my life are doing everything to make sure I can handle the "real" world one day. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, art, and science. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don't have any. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Name 3 creative people you know. Sara, Connie, and Emma to name just a few. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Markiplier for work ethic, creativity, compassion, wisdom, determination, etc. etc. etfuckingc., Shane Dawson for kindness, aaaaand uhhhh Arin Hanson for how down-to-earth and chill he is behind his goofy exterior. What color was your first car? Haven't had my first one yet. What year did you graduate? 2014. When was the last time you saw the person you currently have feelings for? Not since early February. Have you ever been scammed? Ummmm idk, maybe? Are you allergic to pollen? Yes. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Ballgown. Are you over your first love? Yes. Do you talk on the phone a lot? No. Would you rather call or text? Text, big time. Do you always answer your phone? Most times. When was the last time you went to a party? Nicole didn't really have a "party," nor did Sara, so technically my nephew's birthday in August. What was the last thing you ate? A bagel. What’s the last book you checked out from the library? I couldn't tell you. Do you have a twitter? Yeah, but I post nothing. It only exists to like Mark's shit lmao. If so, what was the last thing you tweeted? ^ Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom. What’s the last thing you cooked on the stove? Scrambled eggs eons ago. What color is the cover of the last notebook you used? Hot pink. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Alex. Who sent the last e-mail you got? Mad Ethel's tattoo parlor. I was talking with them about enhancing my tat I got in tribute to Mark; I don't think it looks spacey enough at all, so I'm going to a more professional artist. I mean I like what it is now, but I want to love it. I got a price estimate, aaand it's probably gonna be a while. What song is currently stuck in your head? "Legs Up" by Jeffree Star bye I'mma go jump off a bridge. Do you have a favorite shape? Of basic shapes, circles. What color are the sheets on your bed? White, which I hate; between Roman and Teddy, you can tell it needs to be changed desperately. What time do you usually go to bed? It can range from very rarely as early as 7:00 (I have to be having a baaaaad day) to as late as midnight. Yeah. Do you ever use coloring books? Not anymore. Are you planning on watching the Olympics? I never do. Do you pronounce the word "often" with or without a "t" in the middle? With. Have you ever been on a trapeze? No. Do you enjoy popping bubble wrap? Omfg GIMME. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? No. Do you like seafood? No, solely shrimp prepared in certain ways. Have you ever had to wear a uniform for anything? In middle school. Then at my two jobs. If so, what did it look like? Middle school was khaki pants with plain tops of only certain colors, like white or light blue (those may have been the only options, even). I don't remember the work ones, I was there so briefly. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? No. Do you own a Polaroid camera? No. Do you enjoy baking? I don't enjoy cooking period. What’s your favorite type of flower? Orchids. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? Back home from Illinois. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Sara. What is something you think is underrated? Hm. Probably certain shows or movies that aren't coming to mind. Ah, "The Cat in the Hat" with Mike Myers is certainly one for me. It's such a meme that it's awful, but I love that movie. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Like 65*F. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I BETTER have a stable job. How often do you travel outside of the state/province you live in? Not often at all. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? Sigh, reading. That hobby died at the hospital, when all I had to do was read and color all day every day because the mental institutions here are godawful. I really do miss reading. What has been your favorite job you’ve had so far? Ha. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just the normal spicy kind. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? I don’t have a car. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? Michigan. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, here in NC. West? Illinois. How often do you run the dishwasher? We don't have one. Do you wash your face at the sink or in the shower? Sink. Name a stereotype about your gender that you don’t fit. I have no desire for kids, I hate shopping, I have no interest in fashion... Name a stereotype about your age that you don’t fit. I still don't want kids/don't have any kids. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Not really, but I suppose you could say my late grampa's old "cowboy" hat with feather tassels hanging on the wall is? It's aaaalways been on the walls in all our houses. Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I dunno. I don't use any. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Mom majors in social work; Dad never went. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? No. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't remember. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Idr. How old were you when you learned how to swim? Again, idr. How do you react when someone is rude to you? I get really embarrassed for whatever reason and also verbally impulsive; you don't know what's gonna come out of my mouth. Have you ever had a friend who was too clingy? No, but then again, I don't know if "too clingy" exists for me. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? It's too goddamn hot and humid as FUCK and all the insects are out. Do you have a Netflix account? Yes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Where is your favorite place to go on vacation? Honestly, I can't even tell you. I've been on so, so few vacations, and those I have are almost exclusively to the beach, which I don't like. How long does it take to get there? The beach is ~2+ hours depending on which one we're going to. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? When I fully let Jason go, I guess. I don't think I've had a massive change since then. What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I never go into my sister's old room. What is the last random act of kindness you did? Don't drag me for playing WoW please okay. But anyway me and another player were heading to an old raid, and I flew to the spawn point of an incredibly rare mob that drops a mount to see if it was up; he was, and the guy was super thankful I checked for him (I already had it, so it wasn't for my own benefit). Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I do the opposite, really... as much as I hate that. I learned to finally keep the lights on in the room I'm in to combat depression, and after finding that it truly works well (if you have depression, seriously, LIGHT THAT ROOM UP), if it's even SLIGHTLY darker without it, that ceiling light's going on. Then at night, Mom likes me to keep the living room light on so it looks like more people are home (it's for safety). Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Nooooooo. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I LAAAAAAAAAHV them! Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? "I’ve had sex dreams but they weren’t kinky." <<<<<<<<<< Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? I have been craaaazy about Caleb Hyles covers lately. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? Yes. That's when I finally ended the "thing" with Joel, I think. If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? If it's something I actually wrote instead of something I shared (which is almost exclusively what I do), I get really self-conscious and automatically embarrassed because my head screams "NOBODY CARES." Which friend do you confide in most? Easily Sara. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your opinion on Arby's? Ew. When you have your own kitchen, how will it be done? I don't know. Haven't really thought about it, and besides, I think it'd depend on the layout. What is your favorite doughnut? Glazed. Closely followed by classic/cake. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? HA bitch we're poor. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Didn't read the books or watch the movies. What is your favorite party game? Mario Kart. Do you or your parents rake your yard? No. Were you pro-Obama? I was indifferent considering I didn't know enough about him. What is your favorite scent from Bath & Body Works? *shrugs* What was the last illegal thing you did? Downloaded music. Who did you last go to the movies with? Ummm... Mom, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? No. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Like... every day for a long, long time now. I just want to have a job or be in school. I want to make progress towards a successful future. I know that's an extremely unhealthy desire to want to zoom through each day, but it's hard to cherish every, identical day lately. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No. Have you ever heard voices? Audibly? I don't think so. Do you believe in angels and demons? I don't really know. I know there's life after death, but like, I don't know if your soul is "categorized." Who is the worst neighbor you have ever had? I can't really get into that as I don't know the full story... Dad was good friends with them, but Mom got along with them too, and came divorce time, they turned evil to Mom. I don't know things that were said. Did your Barbies go on dates? I don't remember. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. She's the one who talked me through the revelation. Where did you meet your first crush? We went to the same school. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece. What do you want the most in life? Happiness. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? Letting Jason become everything. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? I wonder quite a bit who I'd be if the breakup never happened. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? No. Even when someone is home, I keep it cracked so it doesn't get so humid. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Uhhhhh would any female not choose Amy Lee. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Where did you buy your dishes from? I have NO idea. We've had the same fancy-ish dishes my entire life. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? In my lifetime, no. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? I have no clue. What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? I also don't know. Have you ever been on a ship? No, just boats. Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I'd have to think way too long on this. ACTUALLY. Maybe the Cheshire cat, off the top of my head. What’s a class you did not take in school, but now wish you had? None. Have you ever been to either of your parents’ workplaces? Yeah. What do you think of the ‘Healthy At Every Size’ movement/philosophy? ACTUALLY fuck off. Coming from someone who is overweight, get out of here with that shit. Don't normalize an unhealthy body. Have you ever been bitten so hard that their teeth marks were there after? Uh, other than in a sexual context, I don't think so, no. WAIT NO I bit my sister's back so hard as a kid that she bled, so probably. Ever been given a hickey? (Love bite) Well read above. Ever gave one? Yeah. Are you more of an outgoing type or shy type? I'm shy as fuck. Do you think it's weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? If you do think it is, I want nothing to do with your ass. It's 2019. Are you self conscious? If so what are you self conscious about? More than words can explain. My awkwardness, stuttering, lack of comfort with eye contact, and my body. Are you flirty at all? In certain instances with an s/o. Are you racist at all? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) It depends on the disability. With my own issues, I need to be able to handle theirs. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the police. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? If I was to have kids, I'd rather them be my own or wife's if I'm with a woman. But again, I don't want kids period. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you're hiding shit regarding another person from your partner. Do you try to be politically correct? Only to a certain degree. What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? That's hard. I love seahorses, sea turtles, jellyfish, dolphins, whales... Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? I don't think so. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you find P.E. humiliating, or think schools shouldn’t teach it? It wasn't humiliating, at least back then when I had a healthy body. I have mixed emotions about its mandatory status... Like, exercise should absolutely be encouraged, but P.E. classes tend to be entirely inflexible in regards to accommodating different people's limits and conditions. Do you recycle? Sadly no. We have to drive to the dump in order to, and Mom got tired of it. Are you interested in current world issues? Not even nearly as much as I should. Do you think you are mature, or immature? It depends on the situation. What kind of career are you interested in? It'd be great if I could survive just off of photography, but odds are I won't be able to. So I'm trying to go back to college and major in zoology to be an out-on-the-field zoologist. Do you own a pair of sunglasses? No. Do you use bobby pins, hair clips, or elastic hair ties? Which? None; my hair is really short. When it was long, I used hair ties. How badly do you get acne? (If at all) I don't anymore, just the occasional pimple usually around that time of the month. What’s the best way to cope with a breakup? YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG PERSON. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? For those who don't know me thoroughly, I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if someone thought I was a lazy freeloader going nowhere. I feel like most people think that anyway because I'm going through hell to get a job, don't have friends, and am not back in school yet. How many text messages do you have in your inbox atm? No unread ones. When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? Last week or so when I deeply debated on whether or not to get rid of Kaiju (my juvenile don't-touch-me iguana). In school, what subjects do/did you find the most difficult? Math and economics. Do you still speak to the person you had your first kiss with? No. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? I believe that was my VR coach? Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? My old high school friend Robert. This dude's working at NASA while I'm at home every day at my laptop. I'm an adult. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My mom. What does your handwriting look like? It's a mix of (mostly) cursive and print, and I'm usually told it's "too" fancy and hard to read. Do you use any products on your hair, other than shampoo and conditioner? No. Who were your best friends in primary school? Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Do you still speak to any of them? No. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a drink. I don't remember the last time I used one. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable? Maybe Vans? Are you more masculine or feminine? Idk. If you could design your own mug, what would you put on it? Idk. Rainbow meerkat pawprints going up in a spiral around the cup? First thing that came to mind. What is the best beach you’ve been to? I've only been to two (I think), and I don't care enough about beaches or remember well enough to answer this. What is one thing you physically can’t do? There is no way in Heaven or Hell I could clean up vomit without hurling myself. Have you ever been to a funeral? Yes. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building? No. Do/did you have a favorite seat in church? No. What is your favorite park? Disney World, of course. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you chew gum regularly? No. Where did you go on your first train ride? N/A Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? Most likely. What sports teams do you root for, if any? (Extra points for Boston fans.) None, really. I grew up automatically biased to the Carolina Hurricanes in hockey thanks to Dad, but I don't actually care. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Oreos, preferably. Others, sometimes. What is something you are confident about? My knowledge of meerkats. Have you ever been physically addicted to a substance? What? I don't really know if this "counts" as it was the product of severe anxiety over vomiting, but in middle school, I would constantly think I was going to be sick and took one Peptobismol literally everyday at school, usually in I think second period when my anxiety was bad enough. It finally ended when we ran out and I had to go without it and I saw I was okay. I was so happy when that shit ended. How do you feel about needles? Eh. The feeling is obviously unpleasant, but they don't bother me much; not at all for tattoos. Getting shots or blood drawn is a bit more "ew" because of the needle's length. But anyway, in general, needles are okay. What is your favorite accent to listen to? Maybe French for women, British for men. Or British for both, idk. What was the reason you last got dressed up? Went job hunting with my VR coach. Have you ever been the subject of cruel rumors? Not really cruel, no. ^ What were they? N/A Do you prefer loose or form-fitting clothing? A bit loose. ^ What about on your preferred gender? I like both men and women, so. I tend to like more form-fitting on women and looser on men. Maybe. Idk actually. But pants. Give me skinny jeans on everyone. What do you do when you are really, really mad? Be WAY too impulsive about what comes out of my mouth. And I cry. Would you rather go naked than wear fur? Omfg don't do this. I guess wear fur. I hate my body too much. But I'd feel absolutely godawful. Do you put a line through your 7's? Yes. ^ What about your Z's? Yes. What is one thing that someone could do to you that is unforgivable? More than anything else, rape. Are you able to forgive and forget? It's rare I'm unable to forgive, but forget? Nope. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. Kiwi, too. What about your favorite fruit juice, if it differs from solid fruit? Peach/mango mix. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Oh my god in Heaven, yes. What about potatoes and cheese? Yeah. Have you written a letter by hand, lately? To whom? Not lately. Toaster or toaster oven? I've only ever had a toaster oven. I like how you can see if something is starting to burn, anyway. What are you most known for? Likes meerkats more than she likes 99% of the human population. I keep my worship of Mark Fischfuckface on the down low irl so meerkats win overall. Do you have any reputations? What are they? I don't think so. Do you wear band shirts? Yeah. ^ What band was on the last one you wore? Uh... shit. I think Metallica? It's rare I have to put on "real" clothes now (yes, I stay in pjs all day bc I never leave the house), so idrk. Do you own any hats? Describe them. No. What about masks, you got any? Describe those. No. What was the last thing to leave you speechless? Watching the spire of the Cathedral collapse yesterday. That whole thing broke my heart. I know the serious valuables were saved, but still, there was so much damage to 800 years of incredible art and history. Do your parents like your friends? If they don’t, why not? I have like... one irl, serious friend. They both love him. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes. As if she wasn't an awful one. Describe your favorite pair of socks. They're covered in meerkats. :'D Thanks, big sister. Have you experienced any life-changing news, events, etc, lately? No. Have any self-done piercings? No, not doing that shit. I'm too serious about piercings being done well and in the most hygienic manner. Ever pierced someone else? No, for the same reasons as above. Do you get distracted easily? Holy shit, yes. Is talking to strangers enjoyable for you, or stressful? It's anxiety-inducing as hell. How do you feel about getting new neighbors? Idc. How many ceiling fans are in your home? None. Do you tweet your life away? I don't use it. How do you feel about shameless self promoting? Ever since actually trying to get out in the freelance photography world, I get it, as uncomfortable as it is. HOWEVER, there are absolutely places where doing it is inappropriate. When reading words. like. this. do. you always pause after the periods? Yeah. What about screaming when reading something IN ALL CAPS? Yeah.

[overwatchladieslover]

The Moon Circus chapter one: La fille du soleil

She was tired. Undeniably tired. Under her eyes were bags larger than those she had packed when leaving Switzerland, in her hand, a paper cup of lukewarm coffee. Her hand had cramps from holding her pen for so long.

“Ziegler, we need you at the drive-through!” Yelled her boss in her shitty earpiece, which matched her equally shitty fast-food uniform. She nodded, running over to her post. “Good evening! Have you made a choice yet?” She asked, trying her best to sound welcoming and happy. Her French was perfect, from the accent to the pronunciation. Perks of being Swiss.

Even if she had barely slept in three days, even if she got the shakes from her caffeine high. She had just gotten back from her college, where she was studying the medical arts, she barely had the time to trade her blouse and skirt for an orange and bright yellow uniform, she was already getting yelled at by five different persons. Angela Ziegler kept her voice even and joyful for the rest of the evening.

“Good evening! Have you made choice yet?” Her throat was dry, she was tired, and her voice slightly raspy, yet her interlocutor did not seem to mind in the slightest. Excited babbles of children could be heard, chanting ‘circus’ with enough energy to bring a melancholic smile to Angela’s lips. She remembered, when her little world was covered in snow, as her parents, holding her hands, stood by her sides, leading her to the circus. She fondly recalled the feel of her mother’s hand against her gloved one, or how her father laughed when he gave her piggyback rides.

She was brought back to the moment by her colleague, Hana, who looked at her with compassion. Decembers always were trying times for Angela since her parents had passed away. Sighing sadly, she resumed working, trying to keep herself focused.

Her service had finally ended, after dragging out slowly like a dying snail trying to reach its final destination. She simply could not wait to take a shower and pass out on her couch with some silly TV show playing in the background. On her way out, she waved goodbye at Hana, who was in charge of the night shifts. It was pretty cold outside, but Angela had had worse. Plus, she welcomed the freezing breeze like an old friend, as it seemed to dance with her blond hair. Angela Ziegler liked the calm, she checked her phone, it was almost midnight. She hurried back to her apartment. If she liked the Lyon nights, she certainly was much less fond of the dangerous back alleys.

She opened the door to her small lair. It was nothing fancy, but given the fact that she was living in the third arrondissement, right next to the docks, she was lucky. It had a living room with a kitchenette, a decently sized sofa who could serve as a bed in case Lena got in trouble with her girlfriend, Emily. Angela’s room was small, but efficient. A small bed, a bedside table drowning in books, notes, and a glass of water that had been sitting there for way too long to be drinkable. There also was a small desk, equally messy, with a small plant, which she lovingly named Freud, for she loved to pour water on little green Freud, chanting ‘drown, drown’. She let her bag fall to the ground, as she kicked her shoes off, jumping on the sofa, turning on TV, as she stared at the ceiling. Lord, was she tired.

She eyed the pack of cigarettes on her table. Lena gave them to her, as a ‘thank you’ for letting her stay over a week. Angela was not a smoker, not a regular one, but she could use something to take the edge off, and the smell of fast food oozing from her made her too nauseas to drink any of the cheap liquor she kept stashed in her cupboard. Grabbing a cigarette, she opened her window, pulling a lighter from the empty ashtray sitting on the windowsill. As she was smoking, her mind wandering, paying no attention to the political debate in the background, a blaring noise echoed through the street, she almost dropped her cigarette.

“What is that?” She muttered, leaning over the railing to see what was going on. “Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! Le Cirque D’Andromède is in town! Head over to Place Bellecour, and witness the impossible! Under the big top, you shall find us! Our first representation is going to be public, and completely free!” Enthusiastically spoke man in a megaphone. He was standing atop a car, which was blaring an obnoxiously loud circus music. He waved a top hat around.

Angela chuckled, he had cliché long moustache, a white cane and a black tailcoat, complimenting his pristine white shirt. The med school student checked her phone. Lena could definitely use something fun to do tonight. She called her, the brit answered almost right away. “What’d’ya need, Angie?” Asked Lena, upbeat as ever. “There’s a circus in town, first night sounds free. Want to check it out ? Bellecour isn’t that far from your place, is it?” Angela was already stripping for her shower, holding her phone with one hand, letting the cigarette fall down. “Please, I live in Bronc, that’s right next to the Jean Masset train station. I’ll be over in a second, meet me there!” Chirped Lena cheerfully. “I’ll take a quick shower and I’ll meet you at the station. Bring popcorn!” “Will do!” Angela hung up, before getting in her shower. She felt all the stress of the day wash off pleasantly. Sure, she was still tense, but she got used to this weight on her shoulders a long time ago. As soon as she was out of the shower, she tried to figure out what she was going to wear. Was it going to be casual, or classy? She had like, one good dress, and that was it. Her paycheck didn’t really cover much over the essentials.

She ultimately decided that she was too lazy to dress up, plus Lena had seen her at her worst caffeine-fueled extravaganza at 4 AM, trying to turn a semester of slacking around. She opted for dark jeans, a blue top which really brought out her eyes, and some light mascara and eyeshadow, just to pretend she actually made an effort. TV: turned off. Purse: Grabbed. Makeup: On. Ready to roll.

The streets were pretty calm for the 3rd district, which was known to house some of the city’s poorest students and people who didn’t have enough money to move to the suburbs. Still, it was a nice place. She lived Rue De Marseille, where shops almost never closed, except during Ramadan, where everything was quiet during the day, but so lively during the night ! Children playing soccer in the dead of night, under their mothers’ and the moon’s supervision. Teens smoking on the docks, carving their names in every available surface, or graffitiing the walls. Lena was a pro at that. Her nickname, ‘Tracer’, was almost everywhere in the borough, to her utmost pride. The train station was her favourite. The brit liked to go on trains, especially when she had no idea where they were headed, and just leave. Emily hated that, she once had to get Lena back from Valence, the brit still had not lived that one down.

Angela ran up the stairs to Jean Macé, where Lena was laying on a bench, watching something on her phone, kicking her crocs-clad feet in the air. “Hi there!” “’Sup Angie!” The brit greeted her with a hug. “When’s the train getting here?” Asked the blonde, sitting on the bench, as her friend let her feet lay on her lap. “Shouldn’t be too long now, I s’pose.” Lena looked as tired and dead inside as Angela, she too had to work a part time job, but it was far less classic than Angela’s. “How are things?” Miss Ziegler knew that Lena did not exactly enjoy bringing her adventures as a ‘criminal’ (after all, poor Lena Oxton wouldn’t hurt a fly). “They’re good, Jalel and I just lounged up in the HQ all day, not much traffic. Even enough time to actually turn in my assignment in time, for the first time like, ever!” Jalel, Lena’s boss, was a dear, but was not to be messed with. He was like a teddy bear which would turn in an actual bear if provoked. He /adored/ his assistant, and always made sure not to drag her into overly dangerous tasks. “Sounds great! But I am afraid your professor might have a heart attack when she realises that you were actually one time, for once.” Lena was studying animation, and her art teacher, in spite of her appreciation for the very much loveable brit, was growing more and more exasperated each time she turned assignment in late. Her current high score was two months late, she had had to dodge the teacher’s incessant calls, emails, and even had to hide in the boys’ bathroom to escape the animation teacher’s wrath. “Are we going by TGV, or are we going the wild way?” Asked Lena, knowing fully well that there were no TGVs scheduled for the day, only trains carrying merchandise or materials for the ever-expanding city that was Lyon.

“Wild way, I imagine.” Grinned the blonde, cracking her knuckles. Lena started stretching, before a distant light warned them of the train arriving. Angela sucked in a shallow breath, she had gotten slightly used to it, but before the big jump, she always got stressed out. Lena took her hand, squeezing reassuringly. They stepped back a bit, waiting for the perfect opportunity. The Brit whistled, and the two girls broke into a sprint, jumping on the train. Angela looked down as she jumped, it felt like time itself had slowed down, the tracks moving fast beneath her feet.

In this moment, she felt everything, the wind in her hair, the blood hammering her temple, the adrenaline running wild in her veins, just like the train speeding through the city. She landed on her knees, but she didn’t feel any pain. She just felt relief and joy. “Not bad, Angie!” Yelled Lena, barely audible over the wind rushing around them. The blonde giggled in response, grabbing Lena’s extended hand, pulling her to her feet. She opened her arms against the wind pushing against her. “Wooohoo!” The tiredness in her bones left, replaced with cheerfulness. Lena imitated her, the two of them started a screaming contest, knowing that nobody could hear them. They screamed in unison, in their heads, they screamed against mean bosses, late nights on papers they knew were going to be awful, failed romances, against a world that kept trying to bury them, yet, here they were: on a train, in the middle of the nights, surrounded by the city’s lights coming from the cafés, the rooftops lit with fairy lights.

Once their voices had died down, it was almost time to get off the train. “Part-Dieu’s in view!” They got to the opposite side of their wagon, trying to avoid the pieces of wood firmly held by metal chains. As soon as the platform was in sight, they ran and jumped. Their landing was not exactly smooth or elegant, but they managed just fine, rolling onto the unclean ground of the C platform. Luckily, there was no one in sight. They got up and dusted themselves off. “We should hurry, I don’t want to miss the opening!” Lena, hyper as ever, grabbed Angela’s hand, running through the train station. Angie really liked the ambiance in those late nights in the train station. People asleep on the benches, or on their luggage, the brave, daring youth vomiting in the bins, getting chastised by the personnel, or the soldiers patrolling under the Sentinelle Act.

Part-Dieu was a street away from Bellecour. They raced down the stairs, to the surprise of a few young men, trying to soothe the burn of alcohol in their system by laying in the fountains, which were luckily not turned on. They didn’t even have to raise their heads to know where the circus was. Loud music echoed through the street, along with a tremendous cheer, from a seemingly overhyped crowd.

Their steps led them to the place, and the crowd that had formed there was nothing short of massive. All around the titanic place that was Bellecour, were decorations, poles challenging the height of the surrounding buildings, with various strips of coloured cloth twirling and joining the other poles in a whirlwind of undeniable beauty. Thankfully, the spectacle had not started yet. “Oh! Cotton Candy!” Exclaimed Lena, almost running to the small stall, dragging her friend along. “I’ll never get over how ridiculous its French name is. Barbapapa.” Angela shook her head, as her friend grabbed their sticks, handing her the extremely sugary candy. “C’mon, Angie, French is the language of love, shall I say it again?” Lena wiggled her eyebrow suggestively. “Do no-” “Omelette du fromage…” She winked, as if she had dropped the smoothest pickup line known to mankind. An exasperated sigh made them turn around. A woman, clad in tight, dark green leather, and what seemed to be a huge necklace made of various leaves, feathers, and flowers. Her hair, held back in a ponytail which showed her remarkably high cheekbones. “Omelette AU fromage.” Sighed the beautiful woman, walking past them, stopping to catch a side glance at the duo. “Jolies crocs, ma belle.” Grinned the Frenchwoman, fading into the crowd. “Angie, I’m pretty sure my ovaries just exploded.” Whined the brit with a shaky voice. “For fuck’s sake, Lena.” “Exploded!” “Oxton, your gay ass is the reason I can’t take you anywhere nice.” Angela sighed, and resumed trying to eat her cotton candy without having it stick to her fingers, which was frankly impossible. While her friend was off rambling about her ovaries getting destroyed by yet another woman, Angela dragged her towards the scene, trying to avoid running into people too much. “It’s about to start, snap out of it!” Chastised the blonde, lightly shaking her friend’s shoulders. All the lights suddenly went down. The crowd went dead silent, and thank God, Lena shut up. Various noises, resembling those of a forest rose from seemingly everywhere. There must’ve been some speakers hidden in the poles’ cloths. On the scene, rose poles looking like bamboo, in a dim cloud of smoke. The first men appeared. Clad in skin-tight blue costumes, with intricate patterns which looked like scales. They gracefully split across the stage, revealing a huge man, whom looked similar to Poseidon, wearing a similarly blue costume, however this one was cut at the torso, revealing an impressive chest covered in blue tattoos, which ran up to his neck, and got lost underneath his equally impressive beard, also covered in the aqua glyphs. He rose his voice. It was not a language Angela knew, though it did sound similar to a mix of Spanish, Italian, and a few hints of French.

Then, the violins started to accompany him. The subtle melody was sublimed when cloths from the nearby polls were thrown onto the bamboos, as the acrobats started their hypnotizing dance, which consisted of intricate swirls and jumps, getting nearer to the public, studying them with their immense, child-like eyes, before promptly jumping back a few steps, as if they were afraid. Their arms moved in perfect harmony with the song, their long arms wrapped in foliage made them look like brisling bushes, moving with the wind. Then, a bright spotlight illuminated a pole on the other side of the Place. An acrobat was standing there, it didn’t take long for the two girls to recognize who it was. “It’s the ‘crocs’ girl!” Thought Angela. “It’s sugar-tits!” Exclaimed Lena, ever a one-track mind. A line from the pole she was currently standing on, with perfect pointes, as if she were a feline and not an actual human being, was linked to the main scene. Graceful as a feather slowly making its way towards the ground, quick as a leopard dashing on its prey, she pounced on the thin line. She rolled on it like it was solid ground, landing on the tight string, under the public’s delirious applause. Her skin, coloured in blue, seemed to sparkle under the limelight. She stopped for an instant, as if enraptured by the art flowing endlessly throughout her body.

In that moment, to Lena ‘useless horny lesbian’ Oxton herself, she was much more than simply a pretty face, she was an ethereal vision of pure, unaltered beauty, as she fended through the air, not unlike a falcon seeking its prey. It felt as if her lungs exalted art, in each and every subtle puff she let slip, as she danced across the thin line, her naked feet strutting, carelessly taking dips, standing on one foot, as the other carelessly dangled in the void. “Woah,” Sighed Oxton, her eyes refusing to leave the entranced woman’s lithe figure dancing across the line, her very ears refusing to acknowledge the man starting to sing in the background.

“She looks…” She didn’t even finish her sentence, completely mesmerised. Angela didn’t dare to shake her friend out of her trance, instead turning around to follow the main attraction. The man whom spoke earlier was now singing, his loud voice booming through the audience, enrapturing, enchanting people who knew little to nothing of the quality of the performance they were currently experiencing. Because such a thing shan’t be qualified as a simple performance, nay, ‘twas an experience, one which touches your very essence, leaving it forever altered. The beauty of the spectacle, the sheer elegance, art was dripping everywhere, like honey from a lover’s lips.

Angela was not exactly a patron of the arts. She was quite fond of them, sure, she even took an option in college, yet, no painting, no simple youtube video of a performance could ever match the feeling which flowed through her veins, drowning her sense with a feeling of everlasting satisfaction. Each artist, acrobat, every piece, foliage of the décor belonged there, it had a meaning, it had an IMPORTANCE.

The dancers strutting along the stage, carrying their aforementioned colleagues, whom were once terrified by the public, were now dancing a breath away from them, standing on the brink of the stage. The public, even though they perfectly could have, did not dare to touch them. The imposing man strode forward on the scene, his glorious mane dyed in various shades of blue, aqua green and purple, his voice carrying the strength of the whole company. The dancer they had met earlier jumped on the platform, landing with a graceful bounce, followed by a salto, ending in the man outstretched arm. They swung their hips rhythm for a short while, before a sharp cry stopped the whole stage altogether.

The artists looked around, jumping away from the crowd. The bamboos-like poles seemed to shake. Then, a creature, which resembled the chimera from the Greek Mythology, fell in the middle of the stage, forcing the imposing man and the gorgeous dancer to step away elegantly. “How many people are in this costume?” Wondered Lena, aloud. “Shhh…” Hushed Angela, entranced couldn’t move her eyes away from the scene. A man, shirtless, flaunting his flawless body, rock-solid abs enhancing an already entrancing silhouette. His dark skin was covered in white war paint, he was walking like a gladiator in an arena. He came to an eye-level with the chimera, growling loud enough for Angela and Lena to catch it from where they stood. He raised his fist, preparing to strike, but suddenly, both him and the beast knelt. A woman, clad in dark red and black from head to toe made her way between the both of them. Her face was covered by her hood, in her hands, she carried two lanterns, oozing purple smoke, adding to her already frightening aura.

“We get it, you vape.” Snorted Lena, not even realising that Angela didn’t even hear a word she said, her eyes almost forgetting to blink, too focused on the spectacle. She dismissed the Gladiator with a flick of her wrist, before running her hand against the beast’s flank. The beast seemed to shudder, whining for everyone to hear. The impressive man left the blue-skinned acrobat, trying to push away the wraith-like creature from the distressed animal.

With a twist of her finger, the man fell to his knees in front of her, as his comrades gasped in shock. She flicked his forehead, causing him to stumble backwards. She pointed an accusatory finger at the man, before gesturing to the blue skinned acrobat. The woman collapsed on the spot, her long hair falling over her face. The other dancers slowly stepped back, some of them running towards the poles, climbing them up, resting at the top like lemurs. Just one remained by the fallen dancer’s side, rocking her in his arms, seemingly weeping. The singer wailed, as the violins’ strings joined his voice, in a requiem-like mood.

The hooded woman, with a lift of her pinkie, invited the fallen beauty to rise, which she did, grabbing her companion by the collar, effortlessly flipping him over, her hands around his throat, strangling him. The blue-skinned woman then joined the mysterious figure. The latter grabbed her smoke-oozing orb, bringing it to her lips, inhaling some of it, before letting the smoke go in the fallen beast’s nostrils. It promptly got up, its previously cream-coloured fur turning a twisted shade of grey, before charging an acrobat. He jumped over the ferocious beast, evading his hit. Its lion head roared at the public, before turning tail, exposing his back, which bore a goat head where his spine met its rear, and most importantly its tail, an enormous snake head, which hissed menacingly. “You know what this reminds me of. Eww, that’s why I’m a lesbian.” Commented Lena, still not deterred at her friend’s lack of response. The hooded lady offered the dancer her arm, and they left together, walking among the forest of bamboos, as the man, rose to his feet and raised his voice, now thunder-like. The artists, hanging on their perches, jumped to the ground, bouncing on their feet, as if there were springs underneath them. They started to run in circles around the singing man, the tempo increased, the hammering of the acrobats’ feet on the stage sounding like drums of war, as the impressive man’s voice grew louder and louder.

The public saw a grapple falling in the middle of this mosh pit-like circle. The man, holding the line with a death grip, showing off his imposing musculature. The violins simply went insane, the musicians, appearing perched atop the poles all around Bellecour, in an orchestra of grief-fuelled wrath. He rose to an incredible height, the climax of the scene was his vertiginous fall. Right as he was about to hit the ground, the music stopped dead in its track with a final bang, the subjects fell to the ground, leaving him standing there, on one knee, his strong fist against the ground. The crowd was silent. He got up, his hair hiding on of his eye. He walked up to the end of the stage, standing on the edge. “This, is not the end,” He started, his shoulders heaving menacingly with each breath.

“Merely the beginning!” As he ended his sentence, fire sprouted from the bamboo poles illuminating Place Bellecour. The lights remained for a few seconds, before the fire died down. The public was cheering, clapping enthusiastically. The whole stage was in the dark, before some dime lights revealed the whole cast, bowing to the audience. “Where’s the hot chick?” Asked Lena, looking frantically on stage.

A noise similar to one of a zipper made them turn around instantly, ever so mindful of pickpockets. “Why, I do hope you meant ‘me’.” She was standing there, hands planted firmly on her hips. Lena was speechless, just looking at her up and down, in utter disbelief. “Your performance was incredible miss…?” Asked Angela, extending her hand, which the acrobat shook with in a most firm handshake. “Amélie.” Confidence was practically oozing off of her. “A pleasure Amélie, I am Angela, and this is Lena.” She pointed to her lust-struck friend. The brit seemed to regain her composure, extending her hand, expecting a handshake. But the Frenchwoman gently took her hand, bringing her lips to her knuckle, leaving a feather-light kiss upon it. “Heureuse de faire ta connaissance, ma belle.” She smirked, as Lena sported 50 shades of red on her face, ears and neck. “The mine is the pleasure.” Blurted out Lena, to Angela and Amélie’s hilarity. The acrobat reached in her more than generous cleavage, to reveal a sticky note. It had a number written on it. “Gérard is going to give out a speech, it should cover the basics, I do hope to see you around at the Moon Circus.” She stuck the note on the gay mess’ cheek, before kissing the other one, pretty close to her lips.

She turned around, raised her arm to a nearby pole, and grappled away. “I hate to see her leave, but bloody hell do I love to watch her go.” Whispered Lena, in awe. “For fuck’s sake.” Sighed Angela, recovering the sticky note before the brit could forget about it. The man Angela had seen earlier appeared on stage in a cloud of smoke.

“Ladies and gentlemen! We are delighted to hear that you appreciated our opening! However, I must inform you of a most tragic news for us, but a truly interesting opportunity for you! Due to the snow blocking the air traffic, a lot of our artists had to cancel. If you have any particular skill, visit us next Sunday for the auditions. Weeeeelcome to the Moon Circus!” His moustache moved with each word he said, speaking in a microphone bearing a similar one. The crowd cheered some more, as paper and leaflets flew across the sky, shot by some cannons which were hidden under the stage.

Lena caught one, looking it over with interest. “Want to apply, Lena?” Angie looked over her friend’s shoulder. “You could, I mean, you’d be bound to earn more than you do at that crappy MacDonald’s. Didn’t you study this before?” Asked the brit, stroking her chin thoughtfully. “I studied Les Arts Du Cirques back in Switzerland, yes, but I am afraid my level of skill is not what they’re looking for.” “There’s a role you’d be perfect for.” Stated Lena, showing her the leaflet. “And what would that be?” “La fille du soleil.” “Your French is fucking awful, Lena.”

[dantediscoversfic]

Chapter 31: Oscar Ramirez

I got over the flu but it left behind a restless drawn-tight feeling inside me that I couldn’t shake. I went to visit Ari every day but other than that I didn’t leave my room much. My mom finally insisted on scheduling an appointment for me to see one of her counselor colleagues, Oscar Ramirez. I didn’t fight her too hard on it. I knew it was probably a good idea to talk someone. Oscar worked for the same shelter/halfway house my mom did in addition to having an off-site office. I’d met a few of her colleagues before but never Oscar, which made the idea of talking to him easier somehow.

Ari had been released from the hospital for about a week and a half by the time I went to talk to Oscar for the first time. I’d been going over to Ari’s house every day to visit him. Sometimes we’d go for “walk and rolls” around the neighborhood but mostly we hung out in his room. I decided to read The Sun Also Rises aloud to him (mostly because Hemingway’s sparse, terse writing style reminded me of Ari, but I didn’t tell him that). I read a chapter or two each visit and we’d talk about it after. One time we talked about where we’d go if we decided to become dissolute ex-patriots like the characters in the novel and travel the world together. I wanted to go to Paris; Ari wanted to go to Iceland or Norway. When I asked him why, he said he was sick of the Texas heat and wanted to see the Northern Lights.

“I bet there’s no light pollution up there,” he said.

“Sure, no light pollution, but the winter’s colder than a witch’s tit.”

He snorted. “I wouldn’t mind the cold.”

“How do you know? You’ve lived in Texas your whole life.”

“It snows here sometimes, you know. Like two Christmases ago.”

“I know, but El Paso winter is nothing like up there. We’d need to bring special snowsuits and camping gear or risk dying of hypothermia.”

“It’d be worth it though. To go somewhere so remote and cold and quiet.”

“Sounds like you really want to go on vacation to The Fortress of Solitude.”

“Hey, don’t knock The Fortress. A man needs a place where he can be alone and think.”

“And freeze his face and nuts off in the process.”

“That’s just the price you pay to stop everyone being all up in your business all the time. And anyway, Superman is impervious to frost bite. And don’t talk about Superman’s nuts. That’s sacrilegious.”

“I wasn’t talking about Superman’s nuts specifically. Just frozen nuts in general.”

“Okay okay enough with the nuts talk. Jesus.”

“What? They’re just a body part. No weirder than pinky toes or noses.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. Hey I’m pretty wiped…so…I might take a nap or something.”

Ari’s face was flushed he looked sort of agitated so I cut my visit short after that. I could tell something was off between us but I didn’t try to press him. Sometimes when I went to visit I wasn’t even sure if he wanted me there. I figured he had every reason to be resentful of me. It was my fault he was stuck at home for the rest of the summer, at the mercy of his painfully itchy and useless legs. I was afraid more than anything that he’d want to stop being friends with me if I needled him too much or asked him what was wrong. So it was easier to talk about books or imaginary plans to travel the world together than what I actually wanted to talk about, which was how badly I was going to miss him when we moved and how sorry I still was about the accident.

When the time came for my appointment with the counselor, I was nervous even though I knew seeking counseling was a totally normal thing to do. Nothing to be ashamed of.

“Do I have to lay down on a couch?” I asked my mom on the car ride over.

She smiled. “Of course not. That’s the sort of thing you really only see in movies nowadays.”

“Good, because that part always seemed a little weird. Do I have to analyze my dreams?”

“Only if you want to.”

“What if I run out of things to say and we just stare at each other in awkward silence the whole time?”

“You’ve never had a particular problem with maintaining conversation, Dante. You can talk to him about whatever you want. Or not talk. No pressure.”

What I really wanted to ask her was if she thought the accident had messed me up somehow, or worse, messed Ari up, and that’s the real reason she wanted me to talk to a counselor. Not physically messed us up. But if I’d caused something to get broken inside us. I had no issue with the field of psychiatry in general, seeing as it was my mother’s profession, but I didn’t like the idea of a stranger realizing there was something wrong with me that needed fixing.

Oscar had an office in the El Paso Child and Teen Guidance Center, which was located in a shopping center. That sort of surprised me. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t the totally mundane looking storefront hiding in plain sight next to a hair salon, pet store and a travel agency. Oscar greeted us at the reception desk, where he kissed my mom on the cheek and shook my hand.

Oscar was around my parents’ age. He was on the stocky side, but not fat or anything. He was the type of solid build that you could describe as equally fitting for a linebacker and a big teddy bear. He had a round, friendly face and close cut salt-and-pepper black hair that didn’t do much to make his appearance less boyish and wholesome. He had a firm handshake and big hands.

“Dante, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Your mom has told me a lot about you.”

“Thanks, you too. I mean, nice to meet you, too.”

After my mom checked me in and filled out some paperwork, she left me with Oscar and told me she’d be waiting for me in the reception area.

Oscar’s office was bright and decorated with colorful furniture, throw rugs and artwork, which also surprised me. In my mind I’d pictured something much more stuffy and clinical. To one side of the room was a small couch and an armchair, both plush and comfy looking; between them was a coffee table with a box of Kleenex on it, which I was determined I would not have to use come hell or high water. On the other side of the room was a kid-sized table and chairs plus art supplies and toy boxes, set up like a mini preschool. Seeing the kid stuff made me feel strange. A little sad for the kids who needed to come in here. The office also had a desk, several bookshelves, and a beverage station. Overall it felt more like a living room than an office.

Oscar gestured toward the couch. “Please, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable. Do you want some water? Tea?”

“I’m okay.”

Oscar sat down in the armchair across from me. “So, Dante. Before we get started, I just wanted to let you know that even though your mother and I are colleagues and she let me know a little bit about why she wanted you to come see me today, I want you to feel like this is a safe space to share anything that’s on your mind with the understanding that I take your trust and confidentiality seriously.”

“Even though I’m a minor and you’re legally allowed to tell my parents what we discuss?” I asked. I’d done my research about confidentiality ahead of time. More than the accident I wanted to talk about what it meant that I loved my best friend who was a boy, but I’d decided already to keep that part of me sealed in the vault no matter what. I couldn’t be 100% sure he wouldn’t tell my parents about that.

Oscar smiled. “You are definitely Soledad’s son. Yes, you’re absolutely correct. Even though you’re a minor I would breach confidentiality only if I was worried for your personal safety or the safety of others or in the rare instance that my notes were subpoenaed by a court order.”

“Wow, that would be pretty badass.”

Oscar raised an eyebrow but was still grinning. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“Sure, yeah. I was just joking. Discussion of client confidentiality protocol: check.”

It was a relief to hear him say he wasn’t going to tell my parents everything we talked about, but I still wasn’t quite ready to dive right into the accident.

“I like your office,” I said, stalling. I pointed to the kids’ area. “Do you work with a lot of children?”

“A fair number.”

“Do you do art therapy with them?”

“Sometimes. It depends on the child.”

“I’ve read all about the field of art therapy. I think it’s fascinating. If I don’t become a professional artist I might become an art therapist.”

“Would you like to do any drawing right now? We could start with some art exercises if you’re not in the mood to talk at the moment.”

“No, that’s okay. It’s hard for me to draw because of my broken arm. I’m a right-y. But thanks for offering.”

“So you’re okay to talk?”

I nodded.

“I’m glad. So, I understand from your mother that you and a friend of yours were involved in a car accident about three weeks ago and she’s concerned you haven’t been quite yourself since. That you’ve been having nightmares and seem much more withdrawn than usual. Do you want to talk about the accident? Or about what’s been on your mind?”

“So she already told you what happened?”

“Briefly. But I’d like to hear it from you, if you feel comfortable talking about it.”

“Well, it’d been raining and I went out into the street and didn’t see a car coming.” For some reason I didn’t want to tell him about the injured bird I’d seen. “Ari pushed me out of the way of the car and broke both his legs and his arm. He could have died but he didn’t.”

“Ari is your friend?”

“Yeah, my best friend.”

“How is he handling everything?”

“Um. Ok. I dunno. He can be kind of hard to read sometimes. They recently let him out of the hospital. He’s stuck in casts for the rest of the summer because of me.”

“And how have you felt since the accident?”

“I think my mom is worried that I’m showing signs of anxiety, depression and PTSD and that’s why they want me to talk to you. But I don’t have PTSD.”

“No?”

“No. I looked it up in the DSM-IV.” I ticked each symptom off with my fingers. “I’m not having recurring flashbacks or panic attacks. I’m not avoiding cars or the street. I’m not having angry outbursts. Well, I’m still kind of pissed at my parents about deciding to move to Chicago but that’s a different thing. Yeah, my dreams have been a little weird and I’m not sleeping great but that’s because my arm cast is so annoying. So I think we can safely say I don’t have PTSD. Possibly a little low-level anxiety. But I do deep breaths if I start feeling weird.”

“I don’t want to rule anything out just yet, but I’m happy to hear you’re listening to your body and your emotions. What do you mean when you say you start feeling weird?”

“I guess…sad. Stomach crampy. Frustrated. I think I’m worried about Ari. About how he’s recovering. About not being able to help him when we move.”

“It sounds to me like you might blame yourself for what happened to Ari.”

“Well, yeah, because it was my fault.”

“Who said it was your fault?”

“No one said it was my fault. But it obviously was.”

“Why do you feel that way?”

“It’s not feelings, it’s the facts. I went out to the street, I wasn’t paying attention and Ari got hurt because I was stupid and off in my own little world instead of paying attention to the road. And the thing about Ari is, he doesn’t like it when I’m upset, so he only let me apologize once and then he said we’re not allowed to talk about the accident anymore. He has some kind of stoic boy code about it. He wants to pretend it never happened.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Well, I don’t think we should, you know, dwell on it or anything. But I want him to know how sorry I am that I almost got him killed and ruined the rest of his summer.”

“Did Ari say anything like that to you? That you ruined his summer?”

“No. But he’s not big on talking anyway. But, like I said before, it’s a fact. Now he’s stuck in a wheelchair until his legs heal and he can’t do anything except hang around his house and read books and I know he’s pissed about it even if he won’t say anything.”

“Has he ever expressed anger or regret about what he did? That he saved your life?”

“No. Nothing like that. He’s just been moody and sullen. I mean, he’s been in a lot of pain so I don’t blame him for being crabby. I just don’t want him to hate me.”

“Why do you think he would hate you? It seems to me to be quite the opposite, that he cares about you very much. Do you want to tell me about him? How did you two become friends?”

“We met at the pool. I offered to give him swimming lessons. Because he didn’t know how to swim properly.”

“You like to swim?”

“Almost more than anything. Well, I like swimming, reading, drawing, stargazing and hanging out with Ari pretty much equally.” I lifted my cast arm and pulled a face. “Now my life is pretty much limited to reading and hanging out with Ari and teaching myself to become ambidextrous. Not that I’m complaining. I mean, I’m lucky to be alive. I know it’s babyish but I miss swimming with him. I wish I could retcon the whole day of the accident.”

“Retcon?”

“Oh that’s a comic book thing. Basically when the writers change things retroactively in a story to make up for continuity errors. Sort of like a big do-over. Usually that sort of thing bugs the heck out of me because it seems so lazy. But I get the appeal now. Like you have God’s big eraser.”

“It’s natural to wish you could change the past so easily. But it’s equally important to learn how to move forward. And to not beat yourself up over something you can’t change.”

I shrugged and picked at my cast. “I just keep thinking that if it had been Ari in the middle of the road, I wouldn’t have been able to save him. I wouldn’t have been fast or strong enough. He was like Superman, the way he dove at me and pushed me out of the way.”

“Why do you think you wouldn’t have been able to help him if your roles were reversed?”

“Because when I saw the car coming, I just froze.”

“That could have been your body experiencing a fight or flight reaction. And also Ari saw the car coming whereas you did not, yes? So he had more time to think and react.”

“But still, I don’t think I could ever be as brave as he was.”

“You may be underestimating yourself and your strength. It sounds to me like you’re beating yourself up about a theoretical past as well as construing what actually happened to place all the blame on yourself. Just imagine what the people driving the car must have felt like. They most likely felt guilt as well. But motor accidents happen so quickly, in a blink of an eye, that it’s not helpful to play the blame game after the fact, particularly if it’s determined that the driver wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol and the accident was just that: an accident. I would advise you to try not to blame yourself for the actions of others. And if that’s difficult, you may want to ask yourself, what am I getting out of continuing to blame myself for something that was out of my control?”

I didn’t quite know what to say to that.

He must have seen my confusion so he rephrased his question. “In other words, are you holding onto feelings of guilt and shame because you don’t think you’re worthy of having a friend who cares about you enough to put his own life in danger to save yours?”

I didn’t think I was worthy of it. But thinking about that made me start to feel like I might cry, which I had been determined not to do, so I clamped down and said nothing for awhile.

After a bit of silence Oscar said, “You know, I never read comics but my daughter loves them.”

“Really? Which ones? Betty and Veronica?”

“Actually The X-Men is her favorite. She loves all the Saturday morning cartoons based on comics, too.”

“How old is she?”

“Twelve.”

“And she doesn’t think X-Men is too scary?”

“Well, she’s always been a tough little cookie. Never was into any of the princess stuff. Except She-Ra Princess of Power. She adores She-Ra.”

“She-Ra is pretty rad.”

“Do you have a favorite comic?”

“Ari teases me about it, but I really like Archie. He thinks they’re lame. Which, sure, yeah, they can be pretty cheesy. But I don’t like the really dark comics.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no rule that says you have to like all the same things your friends do.”

“Believe me I know that. I know I’m a little weird.”

“What makes you say that?”

“It’s not a secret or anything. Ari’s the first guy I’ve met my age who really gets me. I’ve never really had a best friend like him before. Not since we moved to El Paso anyway. I had a best friend in California but that was already years ago. We hardly see each other or write letters anymore.”

“And you’re worried that the accident and the move to Chicago will have a negative impact on your friendship with Ari? That you’ll lose touch and stop being friends? And you blame yourself for this future you see happening?”

I nodded, hoping to dislodge the traitorous lump that was forming in my throat.

“You’ve told me Ari hasn’t expressed anger or regret to you about the accident. It sounds to me like he values you and your friendship very much. He values you enough to have put himself at risk when he saw you were in danger. This doesn’t sound to me like a fair weather friend. And there are many ways to stay in touch. You can write letters and talk on the phone.”

“Sure, yeah.”

“I’d like to circle back to what you said at the start, about you being insistent about not having PTSD.”

“Okay…”

“It’s important to remember that everyone reacts to stress and trauma differently. You have in fact experienced a traumatic event. Your life and the life of your best friend was put in danger. For many people, acute stages of trauma may occur two to four weeks after the event itself. So it’s totally normal for your life and mental health to take some time settle back into place. You’re allowed to feel frustrated, angry, worried, scared and whatever other emotions might arise. It’s important to not rush to judge or ignore your feelings. You’ve mentioned that Ari isn’t talkative when it comes to expressing emotions, which is valid and what he needs right now to process the accident. But for you, I get the sense that you have a lot you’d like to express, either verbally or visually. Would journaling or drawing about the accident help you move forward?”

“Maybe…I usually keep a journal but I haven’t been able to write or draw much with my broken arm. When I draw with my left hand it’s like I’m in preschool again.”

“As I’m sure you know, artists express emotions in non-figurative ways all the time. If I asked you to express your feelings about the accident in abstract visual form and not worry how it looks compared to your other drawings, would that be a helpful thing to do?”

“Maybe. It still might look like chicken scratch.”

“Nothing wrong with that. If you feel more comfortable creating a collage we can try that instead.”

"I'd like to try to draw I think."

Oscar got out some paper and colored pencils and markers and charcoals for me. Instead of sitting at the kiddie table he let me sit at his desk to work. The first thing he had me do was draw how thinking about the accident made me feel.

Without really thinking about it, I picked up a black charcoal and started drawing the injured bird in the middle of the road. I used heavy black strokes. It was frustrating at first to not have complete control of the charcoal like I usually did but just putting marks and lines on the paper felt okay. But the drawing still left me with a hollow feeling.

“This is what I saw,” I told Oscar. “I saw an injured bird in the road and I went to pick it up and that’s why I didn’t see the car coming. I think I killed it. The bird.”

“And this makes you sad?”

“Yeah. I wanted to save it. But it still got killed. And Ari got hurt. It was stupid of me. I should have seen the car coming.”

“Is there anything you can do to this drawing now to make you feel less sad about it?”

“When I first saw the bird, it was on the road. But then I picked it up and held it close to my chest.”

I drew a hand around the bird, but it still didn’t feel right. Too stark and bleak. Not how I remembered the bird at all.

“The bird had colors on it. But I can’t really remember what they were exactly.”

“It’s your bird now, Dante. You can add whatever colors to it you want.”

I remembered the made-up birds I used to draw when I was little: the rainbow rocketbird, the tawny tailblaster. Pages and pages of sketchbooks filled with imaginary creatures. I hadn’t judged myself then about how anatomically accurate they were or how technically proficient I was. I drew and created because it felt good. Right now my drawing didn’t make me feel good so I added colors to my bird’s wings and I turned the hand into a nest. That felt better.

I felt calmer after my drawing was finished. But something still bothered me.

“Do you think me changing the drawing of the bird is like retconning the accident?” I asked. “I mean, when I started, I thought I would draw the bird like I remembered it. But that made me feel terrible to picture it all stiff and dark and lifeless. I wanted to protect it. Now it looks more like it’s asleep than it’s dead. But that’s not what actually happened.”

“If drawing the bird like this helped you reframe your sadness and anger into something beautiful, then I think it’s a good thing.”

“It’s not cheating?”

“No, I don’t think it’s cheating at all. In fact, I think it’s more like forgiving.”

“Forgiving who?”

“Yourself.”

[andrewdburton]

Christmas on a budget: How to save money on Christmas gifts (and still have fun)

HO HO HO!

Just like that, the holiday season is upon us!

This year, I intend to do most of my Christmas shopping during a three-week tour of Europe with my cousins. We're deliberately visiting as many Christmas markets as possible, so I hope to find a variety of interesting and unusual gifts for my family and friends. (They need to be small, though. I don't have much space to carry things home.)

While I'm buying new (and possibly expensive) gifts this year, that's not normally my style. I'm a fan of keeping Christmas frugal.

Being a frugal shopper doesn't mean you can't give thoughtful gifts though. In fact, my experience has shown that it's often more fun and rewarding to impose limits on gift-giving. These limits breed creativity and inspiration. “Christmas on a budget” doesn't have to mean “Christmas without fun”.

This article contains some smart ways to save money on Christmas gifts while celebrating the season. (These tips are great for Christmas, for Hanukkah, for Kwanzaa, for Festivus, or for whatever feast you celebrate this time of year.)

It's an amazing frugal Christmas savings spectacular!

What Kids Really Want for Christmas

I have this idea in my head that kids become mercenaries at Christmas, demanding the newest, most popular toys. I'm not sure how I've arrived at this notion because that's certainly not how my brothers and I were when we were younger. Sure, we wanted cool stuff, but we never made demands.

In fact, Dad used to tell the story of how ashamed he was one Christmas when he and Mom were going through a particularly rough patch. They were always poor and struggling with money, but this year was especially bad. They couldn't afford Christmas presents for us three boys. Rather than cry about it, we went through the toys we already had, wrapped them up, and gave them to each other.

I have only a dim memory of this myself, but Dad used to talk about it often.

This bit of personal family history reminds me of Unplug the Christmas Machine by Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli. This book urges readers to escape the commercialism of the holiday season, to make it a “joyful, stress-free” time for the family. In a chapter entitled “The Four Things Children Really Want for Christmas”, the authors write:

One concern voiced by most parents is that of shielding their children from the excesses of holiday commercialism. While adults can mute the TV when the ads get annoying, children are defenseless against the onslaught of ads. As early as the age of four or five, they can lose the ability to be delighted by the sights and sounds of Christmas, only to gain a two-month-long obsession with brand-name toys. Suddenly, all they seem to care about is how many presents they will be getting and how many days are left until they unwrap them.

Many parents find it a challenge to create a simple value-centered Christmas in the midst of all the commercial pressure. But the task is made much easier when parents keep in mind the four things that children really want for Christmas.

Robinson and Staeheli argue that children don't really want clothes and toys and games. The four things they actually want are:

A relaxed and loving time with the family. Children need attention. During the holidays, normal family routines are temporarily set aside for parties, shopping, and special events. It's important to slow down and spend quality time with your kids.

Realistic expectations about gifts. Kids enjoy looking forward to gifts and then having their expectations met. The key is to manage their expectations. You might try, for example, to educate your children about advertising in an attempt to mitigate its effects.

An evenly paced holiday season. The modern Christmas season starts months before December 25th, when the first store displays go up, then things end with a bang on Christmas day. The authors suggest beginning the season late in the year. Get out the Christmas music on December 15th, then get the tree on the following weekend. Schedule some low-key family events during Christmas week. Stretch the season to New Years Day.

Reliable family traditions. When I talk to my friends about what Christmas was like when we were children, it's not the gifts that we remember. We recall the things we did as a family. I remember sleeping next to the tree every Christmas eve, but never being able to catch Santa in the act. I remember seeing the cousins. I remember decorating the trailer house. Your kids will remember the traditions, not the gifts.

Because I don't have kids, I don't have first-hand experience with their expectations around the holidays. Other folks in the GRS community do, though. A reader named PB, for instance, emailed some similar thoughts. She writes:

We keep our children's expectations realistic by following an old tradition — that Santa fills the stockings and only the stockings — nothing under the tree. This limits the size and quantity of gifts. Plus, because they're all relatively sure what they can and cannot wheedle out of parents for tree presents, their expectations are kept in check.

We buy one new outfit for each, usually a special piece of clothing that they really want, and spent only about $100 per child. I also shop all year long and get some real bargains.

We also emphasize doing a lot of things with our church — food delivery to the elderly, singing at nursing homes, and service to others. Our ongoing tradition is a big Christmas eve dinner with lots of friends and then the midnight service, where we all play an instrument or sing in the choir. This is what the kids talk about — not about what they receive.

It seems that the key to keeping kids happy at Christmas is to manage their expectations. But what about exchanging gifts with other adults?

Exchanging Gifts with Adults

Gift-giving among adults can be awkward. If you spend too much on another person, they may feel uncomfortable. Worse — and this has become more common the older I get — what if you give something and the other person doesn't reciprocate? Or they get you something and you give nothing? Again: awkward!

Many people welcome the idea of doing away with gift-giving completely. Some, like my family, establish specific rules.

We've made a tradition of the $5 gift exchange. We give larger gifts to the kids and to my mother, but the rest of us exchange gifts that cost no more than $5. It's become a game to find interesting, thoughtful gifts for just five bucks. (Or to find amusing, tacky gifts for the same amount.)

The first year we did this, the gifts were kind of lame. But with time, we've become more creative. Once in an antique store, I stumbled upon an old photograph that I recognized as depicting some of my sister-in-law's relatives, for example. Other years, I've discovered awesome gifts at garage sales.

Some people practice a variation of this. They do a $100 holiday, where their entire budget for a particular group (family, circle of friends, etc.) is limited to $100, and that money is divided as needed.

Others agree to only give presents to the children in the group. This relieves the adults of the pressure to buy gifts for each other while still allowing the children to experience the magic of Christmas. (Of course it could be argued that this isn't the sort of Christmas magic kids should be learning.)

The goal here isn't to be cheap for the sake of cheapness — it's to give thoughtful presents without breaking the bank. (And, for me, to not participate in the mad rush of consumerism during the holiday season.)

One last important piece of advice: if your family (or circle of friends) agrees to gift-giving guidelines, don't be the person who breaks them. People feel resentful when one person takes it upon herself to give more than the agreed terms. Stay within the rules and have fun.

Christmas Gifts That Don't Cost a Lot of Money

For most people, Christmas gifts mean shopping at the mall. Or Amazon. But it doesn't have to be that way. Many of the best gifts aren't tangible items purchased from a store. Here are a few examples:

Give the gift of experience. People are likely to forget about the things you give them. They're much more likely to remember gifts of doing. Examples: sky diving, scuba lessons, hot-air balloon rides, cooking school, lunch with a hero, etc.

Personal gift certificates also make great gifts. In essence, these are gifts of time. Give new parents a gift certificate for a night of baby-sitting so that they can enjoy a night on the town. Are you good with computers? Give your brother-in-law a gift certificate for free computer repairs.

Similarly, my ex-wife and I used to give each other love coupons. Sounds sappy, I know. But it was nice to be able to come home at the end of the day and redeem a coupon for a dinner out, or for a back rub, or for an evening watching a favorite movie.

My favorite gifts tend to be those that people have made themselves. Homemade gifts demonstrate caring, creativity, and passion. I'm fortunate to have many crafty friends. Every year, I'm delighted to see what they create for Christmas gifts. In the past, I've given or received:

A hand-assembled collection of gourmet salts, complete with written description of each.

Ginger snaps.

Art. (Do you dabble in photography? A framed print of your nephew is a great gift for your sister-in-law.)

Chocolate-dipped hazelnuts (from a family with a filbert orchard).

Home-made jams and jellies.

Flavored liqueur brewed from vodka, sugar, and fresh herbs.

The best-home made gift I've ever received? A couple of years ago, an old friend found a poem I had written for her when we were in high school. It was a silly ode to a teddy bear scribbled on notebook paper. She framed the page and gave me a cheap bear. Believe it or not, that meant a lot to me. (Yet it was, in essence, I gift I had given myself!)

Homemade gifts are fun to produce, and are generally more valued by the recipient. I'd take a plate of PCCCs (plain chocolate-chip cookies) over some plastic gee-gaw any day.

Frugal Christmas Ideas from GRS Readers

This is Get Rich Slowly's thirteenth Christmas. Over the years, GRS readers have shared tons of great tips for saving money during the holidays. Here are a few of my favorites.

First up, Samuel suggests:

Give your favorite things as gifts. Find items you love and use everyday, then share these with others. By giving favorite things, the focus is on sharing things you like rather than how much you spent. For example, my “favorite thing” gift this year is a pizza cutter. It's an unbelievably useful kitchen gadget! We use it to cut up everything, not just pizza. It costs about ten bucks!

Like me, Pam prefers home-made gifts. She thinks it's even more fun when these home-made gifts can be personalized:

Do crafts that require the same basic supplies but still remain customizable to the recipient. Homemade baking mixes are good for this, because with big bags of ingredients you have the bases for several different kinds of baked goods: Aunt Julie can get oatmeal-raisin and Cousin Larry can get peanut-butter chip with a minimum of tweaking and few extra ingredients.

My all-time favorite, though, is marble magnets, which require absolutely minimal supply (florist's gems, silicon glue, a scissor or craft punch, old magazines), offer tons of opportunity for personalization (I do cartoon images for my boyfriend, the letters of their names for my little cousins, and flowers for a garden-crazy friend), look great packaged in tulle or an Altoids tin, and get much, much cheaper when you make them in bulk.

RJ shares another creative way to keep costs down:

Sometimes when my partner and I exchange cards at Christmas, we'll include a cut-out image or two of a really expensive gift that we might have liked to buy, but didn't.

For example, a couple of years, he inserted a pic of a $175 bottle of scotch, but gave me a perfectly wonderful and less costly (~$25) bottle of a different kind of scotch instead. This year I'm giving him a matchbook from a very expensive restaurant in town, though our holiday dinner will actually be at a friend's house. It's our jesting way of reminding each other of the shopping insanity at this time of year, and it helps us appreciate what we do get for the little money we spend.

By now, you probably know that buying experiences tends to make people happier than buying stuff. Does the same concept apply to gifts? Angie thinks it might. She writes:

My husband and I have a tradition of giving each other experiences for Christmas, rather than more stuff. This doesn't always end up being the cheapest route, but it does keep our house from being cluttered up with extraneous stuff.

For instance, my husband had always wanted to try blowing glass. An art glass studio opened up a few blocks from our house, and last year at Christmastime they held workshops where you could blow your own glass ornament. I gifted him two sequential half-hour workshops, at $25 apiece — once so he could “get the hang of it”, and the second so he could better use his new skills. (He's that kinda guy.)

He came home with two beautiful ornaments he made himself, and he absolutely raved about how much fun he'd had. I saw essentially identical blown-glass ornaments at the local art gallery for about $20 apiece. For a $10 premium, I fulfilled his longheld wish and gave him a really awesome memory. Now that's a bargain!

Finally, Amberlynn says that the best gifts don't have to cost anything at all:

My family draws names with a $20 limit, but we're phasing that out for something even better. We're writing a chapter of our family history each year. We pick a topic, and each family member will write about it. One person plays “editor”, collecting the stories together for Christmas.

We've written about our favorite Christmas (seven differing perspectives on the same year), the house we grew up in, and this year we're writing about how we met our spouse. Last year, my Mom sent out her first draft of her entire life history. This gift costs nothing. It does take a little time if you want to contribute quality. It will, however, carry a lasting value unmatched by any tangible gifts we've exchanged, or even experiential gifts!

Frugality doesn't take the joy out of Christmas. In many ways, it adds to it. It's a great feeling to find a perfect gift for only five bucks. Besides, when I think back to Christmases past, it's not the gifts I remember, but the time spent with friends and family.

The post Christmas on a budget: How to save money on Christmas gifts (and still have fun) appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

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