#poland is oof

[wafflehyena]

Drawing Stuff

[dorizardthewizard]

Ok so I finally went back to listen to Jann's song and i,, Poland I am so sorry

[pajorko]

Is Wales U19 like ok?

[hbosucc]

Greg Hirsch x Reader: Chapter 9

Hi loves! This is the last chapter I have written, I might write more on it, especially if anyone wants to send a request. I had so, so much fun writing this.

Ok, chapter content warnings! This chapter is 18+, minors dni.

Sexual content: p in v, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving).

Swearing

Alcohol consumption

Link to previous chapter here

That's all! Thank you to anyone interacting with these posts, it makes me happy to know that people are reading:)

Chapter 9: A Night Out

On one of Greg’s rare weekend nights off, I’d suggested we go out on the town. Usually when we spent a night together, one or both of us would have to get up early the next morning for work, so we’d have to do something low-key, like order takeout and watch a show. Finally, we both had the whole weekend off, and I was so looking forward to spending it with him.

          “You’re sure your family won’t be there?” I asked, putting the finishing touches on my makeup in front of the mirror. We were at Greg’s place, and I’d brought an overnight bag with this time.

          “No, definitely not. They’re at some corporate retreat in, like, Poland or something.” Greg appeared in the mirror behind me, coming up to wrap his arms around my waist. I leaned back into him. I loved him, I knew it for sure now. I hadn’t told him yet, but I was fighting the impulse to. If he didn’t feel the same way, I didn’t want to know. I wanted to bask in the warmth of the feeling in private for a while before letting it out into the world, where it would either grow or be snuffed out.

          “Okay. Good.” I put down the makeup brush and gave myself a final once-over. I looked good, he looked good, it was all good. “You ready to go?”

          The club he’d picked had, I learned, been recommended to him by his cousin Roman. I hadn’t met Roman at the gala I’d attended with Greg, but I’d heard a lot about him. I wasn’t entirely sure if I trusted his taste in nightlife, but I was game to try something new. Greg’s driver let us out in front and we headed inside. He’d made sure in advance that we would be on the list.

          Inside, it was more dimly-lit than I’d expected. It wasn’t too crowded, but I supposed that it was still relatively early. We learned that all of the drinks on the menu were named after early film stars. I ordered a Mae West, and Greg decided to try a Brando. Drinks in hand, we wandered from room to room, ending up on a balcony upstairs, overlooking the dance floor.

          "Oof, that’s a strong one.” I tried a sip of my drink. It was clear, bubbly, and slightly fruity, and I could tell the bartender had poured it with a heavy hand.

          “Mine’s good. Want to try?” We swapped drinks. His was just as strong, but darker and smokier, with some kind of whisky in it. I wasn’t a fan.

          “You don’t want to dance?” I raised an eyebrow, gesturing to the floor below. It was crowded full of hot, sweaty, attractive people, but somehow, I didn’t feel too out of place. I guessed the Roy lifestyle was finally rubbing off on me.

          “I’m gonna need a few more drinks in me before I do any kind of dancing.” He laughed nervously.

          “Okay.” I turned, slightly put-out. I rested my arms on the balcony, leaning over slightly.

          “Y/n?” I heard over the music, and turned to see the last person I would have expected.

          “Theo?” My mouth dropped open. “What the fuck?”

          “Right?” He laughed, his arms open. We hugged briefly, his strong arms squeezing me around the middle. “How the fuck are you?”

          “I’m really good, actually!” I said, turning and beckoning Greg over. “You?”

          “Oh, you know. The usual.” Theo grinned. He had the same hungry look in his eye, and was still, unfortunately, very sexy. Now, though, I knew this fact objectively, and it didn’t have as much of an effect on me as it would have in the past.

          “Theo, this is Greg. Greg, Theo.” I introduced them as Greg caught up. I noticed his hand come to rest on my hip, almost territorially.

          “Hey, nice to meet you, man.” Theo held out his hand, and they shook.

          “So, uh, how do you know each other?” Greg asked. My eyes met Theo’s, and he must’ve read something in them.

          “We knew each other back in college, actually. We used to party in the same groups.” Theo said. “And you two…how do you…?”

          “Oh! Greg’s my boyfriend. We met online.” I blurted.

          “Ah, the apps. I’ve heard good things.” Theo nodded. “Maybe I’ll have to try it out myself one of these days.”

          “Are you here with anyone?” I asked.

          “Yeah, I’m here with a few of the old crowd, actually. We have a table downstairs, if you guys want to join, please, feel free.”

          “Yes, definitely! We’ll meet you down there.” I smiled at the thought of seeing some of my old friends. We still followed each other on our socials, but I hadn’t seen most of them in person in a few years.

          “Cool, cool. See ya.” He flashed one last grin before disappearing back into the crowd. I relaxed against Greg, not having realized how my body’d tensed up in Theo’s presence.

          “Okay, are you going to, like, tell me how you actually know that guy?” Greg asked, and I looked up at him. His expression had soured slightly, and I realized he was jealous.

          “We knew each other in college.” I said, meeting his eyes, then looking away. “And, okay, yeah, we hooked up a few times. But that was years ago.”

          Greg was silent for a moment. A frown crossed his face, then was wiped away as he tried to conceal it. “He seemed pretty excited to see you.”

          “Sweetheart, are you jealous?” I pressed my front against him, taking his pouty face in my hands.  

          “No, of course not.” He laughed nervously, his gaze flicking down to meet mine. “That guy was, like, really hot, though.”

          “I hadn’t noticed.” I rolled my eyes, then stopped. “What, are you saying you’re surprised I could sleep with someone who looks like him?”

          “No, I’m not saying anything.” He ran a hand over his hair. “It’s just, that makes a lot more sense than this, anyways.”

          “Greg, what the fuck are you talking about?” I drew back.

          “I mean, two hot people together makes more sense than you being with me. Okay?” He downed his drink. “I’m getting another one. Do you want to go find your friends?”

          “Hold on.” I touched his arm, stopping him. “Are you feeling insecure? Is that what this is all about?”

          “Yeah. Okay? I guess I am.” He sighed.

          “Why…why on earth…” I started, pressing my cold drink glass to my forehead. I was not drunk enough to handle this. “Greg. You know I’m, like, extremely attracted to you, right?”

          “Yeah, I guess.”

          “Come on, Greg.” I followed him as he started down the stairs, back towards the bar. “Don’t throw a fit.”

          “I’m not.” He said, though I could barely hear him over the music.

          “Babes.” I grabbed his hand, but he continued on his route, pulling me along through the crowd. I stopped as we reached the bar, crossing my arms as I waited behind him while he ordered. He took a long swallow of his drink once it arrived, then turned to face me, looking less annoyed, almost ashamed.

          “Feel better?” I cocked my head. He shrugged. I glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention to us: they weren’t. “Come on.”

          I’d noticed three bathrooms at the back of the bar: women’s, men’s, and a one-room all-gender restroom. I pulled him into the one-room and locked the door behind us, pressing my back against the cool wood as I turned to face him.

          “You need to pee?” He asked, setting his drink down on the counter.

          “Uh-uh.” I shook my head. “Why, do you?”

          “No.” He snort-laughed, before seeming to remember that he was upset, and his face stilled again. I crossed the room to him, slowly, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

          “Well,” I started. “If you don’t believe that I find you attractive, I guess I’ll have to do something to show you.”

          “Okay, and…what would that be?”

          “Shh,” I said, standing up on my toes to kiss him. “Trust me.” I drew back, my hands lowering to his belt, sliding it open. I unzipped his pants, pulling them down over his thighs as I knelt on the tile floor. He was still soft, but perked up as I ran my hand over him through the fabric of his underwear. His breathing quickened as I pulled him out, stroking lightly, slowly, up and down. He tensed, hardening, as I took his head into my mouth just for a moment, before pulling back to look up at his face.

          “Starting to believe me?” I asked softly, circling his head with my tongue, teasing.

          “Maybe.” He said, then sucked in a gasp as I took him in fully for a moment, hitting the roof of my mouth. I licked a strip down the shaft, towards the head, taking it back between my lips once again.

          “Does that feel good?” I asked, looking back up at him. His eyes fluttered closed and his lips parted as I continued to tease with my tongue, waiting for an answer.

          “Yeah, of course it fucking does.” One of his hands came down to rest on the back of my head, and he gently moved me back down to take him in once again. I quit my teasing, picking up the pace, relaxing my jaw and throat, trying to fight my gag reflex. I wasn’t worried about the choking noises I usually produced while giving head; guys generally seemed to be into that. I was more worried about barfing on his dick, which had never happened before, but I didn’t want tonight to be the first.

          “That’s it, yeah,” He breathed out as he held my face in place and started fucking it. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the goal I’d set in mind: to make him feel good, desirable, sexy. I didn’t love giving blowjobs—does anyone, truly?—but for Greg, I was more than willing to do it.

          After a particularly deep thrust, I sputtered, pulling against his grasp. He let go of me immediately, and I pulled back to catch my breath, reaching out to work him in my hands while I took a second.

          “Are you okay?” He asked, shuddering and letting out a moan as I took him right back into my mouth. I could tell he was just about at his limit, and he came suddenly, his cum filling my throat. It wasn’t horrible—I’d heard horror stories—just salty, and I was able to swallow it with little trouble. I pumped him a few more times, letting him down from his high, then got up from the floor and faced myself in the mirror. My mascara was running, just a little, and my lipstick was completely gone. I blotted my under-eyes and reapplied my lips while Greg caught his breath.

          “That was…” He started, letting out a long breath. “like, really fucking nice.”

          “Good.” I turned to look at him, leaning against the counter.

          “Shit.” He pulled his pants back up, re-buckling his belt, then turned to look in the mirror. He ran a hand over his hair, smoothing it back. Then, he finally looked at me, almost bashfully.

          “You know, I’ve never swallowed before.” I held his gaze.

          “Like, ever?”

          “Never.” I nodded. “Look, Greg. Before we go back out there, I need to know that you know that I don’t want anyone else but you.”

          “I do, it’s just…” He sighed. “It’s hard to believe, sometimes, like…I guess I’m okay, but I don’t think I’m that good-looking, comparatively, and I know I’m kinda skinny…”

          “Greg.” I groaned. “Remember how surprised you were that I was insecure about how I look? That’s how I feel right now.”

          “Yeah, I guess so.” He nodded. “Okay. I believe you. On one condition, though.”

          “And what’s that?” I raised an eyebrow.

          “You’ve gotta do that again.”

          “Deal.” I shook his hand, grinning goofily up at him. He took my face in his hands and kissed me, long and sweet, before pulling back.

          “We don’t have to go sit with my old friends.” I said. “I didn’t really want to, I just said yes to get rid of Theo.”

          “Are you sure?”

          “Yes, absolutely. I don’t know if I would call them friends, really, acquaintances would be more accurate.” I unlocked the bathroom door and peeked out. The coast was relatively clear, so Greg and I snuck out together, back into the crowd once again.

          We managed to steer clear of anyone I knew for the rest of our time there, downing more drinks, dancing stupidly, making out in the middle of the crowd on the dance floor. Essentially, being an annoying couple, obviously obsessed with each other, and we didn’t care. In the early hours of the morning, once we finally got tired, he called us a car, where we made out some more in the backseat, barely managing to keep our clothes on until we made it back to his apartment. There, we made it to the elevator before we were on each other again, stumbling out once the doors reopened onto his floor, and then we somehow made it down the hall to his room and onto the bed.

          He pushed my panties to the side, testing me with his fingers, and I moaned into his mouth.

          “I’m ready,” I pulled back, breathless, our foreheads pressed together. My hands worked him out of his pants, quickly, and then he was in me. No condom flashed quickly through my mind, but I was on birth control, so I hoped that either he’d have the sense to pull out, or my body wouldn’t betray me for this one indiscretion. If not, there was always Plan B.

          “You like that?” He asked, his hands on my wrists, holding me down. He knew by now how my body reacted to light domination, and he’d gotten quite competent at it. “You like me fucking you?”

          “Yeah,” I whimpered, wrapping my legs around him, angling myself upwards. He let go of my wrists and held my legs up instead, hitting deeper inside of me. I threw my head back, each of my fists gripping a handful of his sheets. My moans filled the room, mixing with the sounds of our bodies colliding.

          “I love you,” He groaned, and before I could wrap my head around the words, he pulled out, sending a spray of cum across my stomach. I let him catch his breath, coming down from his high.

          “I’m gonna get something, for the, um…be right back.” He scooted off the bed and disappeared for a moment, coming back with a towel to clean me up. He flipped on one of the bedside lamps and began very intently wiping his cum off of me. I propped myself up on my elbows, watching him.

          “Thanks.” I gave him a smile as he dropped the towel into his laundry basket, then slowly made his way back over to the bed. He looked a little shy, and I could guess why, so I gave him a little encouragement, patting the bed next to me. He sat back down, and I pressed a kiss to his cheek, resting my chin on his shoulder.

          “So, about um…well, what I said…” He started.

          “It’s because I finally gave you a blowjob, huh?” I teased, and to my relief, he chuckled.

          “No, no, it’s not that.” He smiled. “I, um…well, I do.”

          “You do what?”

          “Come on,” He laughed, and I drew back, giving him a kiss, feeling the smile on his lips.

          “I love you, too.” I pulled back slightly, speaking the words onto his lips. “If you meant it, of course.”

          “I did—I do.” He stammered. “I love you.”

          “It feels nice to hear it, and to finally say it.” I kissed him again, then drew back to take in his face: slightly flushed, his pupils blown out, sweat at his brow. “I fucking love you, sweetheart.”

          “I love you.” He said again, whispering it out, as though he was feeling the weight the words carried.

          We were mostly silent after that, kissing slowly in the dark, the lights of the city coming in through the windows, the sounds of late-night traffic filtering up from the street below. Together, we slipped into a comfortable, deep sleep, wrapped around each other. I certainly hadn’t expected the night to go like this, but at some point I’d have to realize that Greg somehow always found a way to subvert my expectations.

[whoistrash]

the “line stuff” is not new at all. people have been camping for pilots shows since 2016, and camping multiple nights since 2017. line leaders have been organizing fan lines for years and years. during bandito, lines were regularly between 2-4, and in sai era it was regularly more like 3-5. for special shows, it’s been up to 8-10 sometimes which is obviously out of hand. the drama is because this is the first tour when the band decided to randomly interfere with venues honoring those lines instead of helping to facilitate them. there’s a lot of people on both “sides” of this with valid points but the camping culture itself is absolutely not new.

Well, that's interesting. I've never, ever heard of the "line leaders" before Clancy. Maybe that's because I'm not from the US. In Poland and most of Western Europe, concert culture is drastically different, it turns out. So camping days prios is considered standard? Wow. I've only ever encountered people camping the night before a show (ONE night) and it was for My Chem reunion tour, so a pretty big deal. US fans are crazy, damn.

Now I think that the band interfering is a good decision, to be honest. It sparked drama, of course, but I think that the transcendental queue made days prior by a bunch of random band-obsessed dudes is not necessarily a good idea. Especially for people who aren't head deep into the fandom and all of the discord channels and online discourse. It's ridiculous that even when you get to the venue at 5/6am (so the time that most of them allow lining, some even later), you get told that there's a line already, nonexistent physically, and you have to honor it, because bunch of 20 year olds decided to put a registration table two blocks away a week prior. What about disabled people? What about people from other cities? What about people with a job and actual life responsibilities that can't afford to throw away a week of their time? What about people who somehow missed this information? It's not a mandatory thing for a twenty one pilots fan to listen to self-declared leader.

I know that they have good intentions and want to make everything easier for everyone, but I don't think that they're actually succeeding. If so, they're making it easier for a very exclusive group of super-fans with a week to spare. So yeah, I think the band did a good thing, because if it has always been that way in the US... Oof. You poor guys.

[gary-goldstein-attorney-at-law]

[Mickey was walking down the street, lost in thought, coffee in his hand]

[He didn't notice until he bumped into Gary, almost losing his balance, but managing to catch himself]

Sorry-

~~ @from-poland-to-hatchetfield

Gary stumbled slightly and fumbled with his phone as it almost fell out of his hands. "Oof- fuck. That was close." He sighed and tucked his phone away. "You okay?"

[alalumin]

First thread was getting long so we're playing two truths and a lie. Thanks @sugaroto for tagging me <3

Oof I am going to say the lie is the 3rd one? I remember you mentioning something similar to the 1 but it may not have been in Poland. You have a very intriguing life

Ok so

1. My second cousin has written music for the Avatar movies

2. My dad called the mayor baby because they were friends and he didn't know he was the mayor

3. I once thought I stumbled onto a murder scene and later had a vivid nightmare about it

Tagging @iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife @el-loves-writing @amaliatheartist @alexgalaxyboo

[w0wbagger]

oof poland not sounding good

[doublesidedgemini]

So I’m visiting my dad in Poland right now and last night we went to a vegan ramen restaurant that was delicious and amazing and there was a very cute waiter there and we were flirting but I was too shy to say anything and then we were leaving the city today but before we left my dad drove me back to the restaurant and I walked in AND HE WAS THERE WORKING AGAIN

And he saw me and gave me a fist bump and I said I thought he was cute and gave him a slip of paper with my name and number and told him to stay in touch if he wants and he gave me another fist bump and said thank you

But I was too shy and panicked and tbh didn’t expect to see him working there so I didn’t even ask for his name or anything I literally just panicked oof

Anyway I haven’t heard anything else so that’s that I suppose! That’s all folks! My love life is abysmal and I’m terrible at flirting lol

[gaymer-hag-stan]

Liverpool 2023 Eurovision Grand Final Thoughts

1. Austria 🇦🇹 - Teya & Salena - Who the Hell Is Edgar? - Ok, I knew they were gonna do worse than projected on the odds but I still thought they were better than in the Semi Final and that the televote would carry them a bit harder but it seems not. The fact that the jury hard carried them more than the public is outrageous tbh.

2. Portugal 🇵🇹 - Mimicat - Ai coração - Oof, not bottom five, come on! She was amazing but I guess the running order screwed her over a bit.

3. Switzerland 🇨🇭 - Remo Forrer - Watergun - Yeah about what I expected.

4. Poland 🇵🇱 - Blanka - Solo - Blanka coming EIGHTH on the televote was kind of a power move, I'm sorry. I guess crying about her too much on the internet and memeing her pronunciation of BEJBAH to hell and back worked wonders for her lmao.

5. Serbia 🇷🇸 - Luke Black - Samo mi se spava - Nooo Luke...! Overall yes, it wasn't as impactful as the semi final but I think Luke's act is "too much" for some people on first watch so maybe those who never watched the semis or any performances or listened to the song before the Final were taken aback by it. A pity.

6. France 🇫🇷 - La Zarra - Évidemment - Whooo girl... Listen, her staging was a MESS and I think that maybe her fearing for her life affected her vocals a bit. She was arguably much better than the semi final jury show but it seems it still wasn't enough. I wasn't as mesmerized by her as I hoped it would be. Song-wise, Évidemment is still among my favourites of the year but performance-wise it wasn't as show-stopping.

7. Cyprus 🇨🇾 - Andrew Lambrou - Break a Broken Heart - Okay, king and his gun show did it honestly. I feared he would get a lot more screwed over by Remo but he prevailed and I'm glad! He almost made tenth spot on the televoting, Albina and her Familja beat him by just one point, and on the juries he was behind Brunette by just one point too! Literally if our (Greece's) jury wasn't screwing around he would have made the final top ten! I don't understand the reasoning but this screams "we didn't make it so we're gonna screw over Cyprus too since they're not winning anyway" or that we tried to show Europe that we don't always give 12 points to Cyprus xD

8. Spain 🇪🇸 - Blanca Paloma - Eaea - Guys. Guys. Be very serious, what the hell happened here??? Yes, there was a very big chance the televoting woul not like her performance; this is a very unique and "out there" perfroamce which, like Luke's, possibly even more so, on first look can be unsettling, in a way. Ever since she won Benidorm, people across Europe were literally either ranking her in their top three favourites or their worst five of the entire year, out of all 37 entries! There was no middle ground with Eaea, I just hoped the ones who loved it would overpower those who didn't. But the juries??? What the hell??? She didn't miss a single note, she was ON POINT the entire time. Her performance was artistic and she definitely sang better than Loreen but, ESPECIALLY Noa! I know the juries punish any cultural elements but was the flamenco style so appalling to them??? This was the biggest crime of the year, honestly.

9. Sweden 🇸🇪 - Loreen - Tattoo - I don't wanna hear any complaints. Her song is radio friendly but it's not basic. We knew she was gonna win the juries, we knew it since day one, and we knew she was probably gonna win the whole thing, unless someone placed second on both the juries and the televoting and ended up overtaking both her and Käärijä but that didn't happen (it should have been Spain) so her win was guaranteed. She did sing better in the semi, and her staging I feel was not as interesting as Euphoria, but this is still very much a deserved win. Stop crying. She's the first woman to win the Contest twice and the second person ever, in general. Don't delude yourself into thinking no one will remember her or shit like that I keep seeing posted on this terminally online community, she is a legend. Go outside, breathe some fresh air and use your one (1) remaining brain cell for once.

10. Albania 🇦🇱 - Albina and Familja Kelmendi - Duje - The Albanian Kardashians coming TENTH on the televote was this year's biggest surprise! Yes, it was pretty close so, just as easily as they came 10th they could have just as easily come 15th if a few countries had given them one or two points less. But what matters is that the televoting resonated with a strong Balkan and ethnic sound and identity and I wish the rest of the Balkans like Greece or Serbia would maybe reconsider incorporating their own local flavour again. I don't care what language they sing in, someone should cut the "Don't sing in English" crowd's access to the internet, permanently, but in terms of overall sound and identity I wish to see more of it, from everyone, not just the Balkans.

11. Italy 🇮🇹 - Marco Mengoni - Due vite - I get the jury votes, he had possibly the best vocal performance last night, or at least among the best, but I was surprised by his televote score?? He got a LOT of points, all of the first seven acts on the televote ranking (Finland, Sweden, Norway, Israel, Italy & Croatia) did, it wasn't just that he happened to land on that spot because all the acts above him got all the points, like it is the case with the rest of the scoreboard below Croatia. A lot of people said Tattoo is Euphoria 2.0, but I think this is a lot more applicable in Marco's case. The song is literally the same as L'essenziale, and neither of these songs are particularly interesting so I don't see how he did as good as he did. And don't mistake this for me disliking his act, Marco did perform great and I do like the song but, for a TV show contest this was way too bland, sorry.

12. Estonia 🇪🇪 - Alika - Bridges - See here? This makes sense. Alika gave an amazing performance, she sounded even better than the semi, and she was exclusively carried by the juries, the public only gave her 22pts. Good for her, she deserved it though, again this is not me dismissing the sad slow acts but they are not as exciting for a TV show, and Eurovision is not The Voice, it is a TV show.

13. Finland 🇫🇮 - Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha - Käärijä got fan favourite, as he was expected to, but no this had no chances of winning. Ever. He still did overwhelmingly well, he got a 60% average overall score, which is great, and he will be forever be remebered as a legendary act. That is enough, that's what this particular performance was meant to achieve. You can all chill, or rather, you should all chill. The juries were even way too kind on him. Fourth with shaky vocals like that and an overall very unhinged song and performance, is much better than expected. I thought they were gonna go Moldova 2022 on him. But they didn't, but also, to be fair on him, his vocal performance was considerably better than the semi.

14. Czechia 🇨🇿 - Vesna - My Sister's Crown - YES girls! They made it to the top ten. I'm so happy for them.

15. Australia 🇦🇺 - Voyager - Promise - I don't know why this did as well as it did? I'm not mad, I'm just surprised, they apparently even won their semi final too! What's, again, very surprising, is that they got actually hard carried by the juries... The public only gave them 21 points. See why the juries are necessary my dear idiots? Supposed fan favourites Voyager got 130 points from the evil juries but only 21 from the public.

16. Belgium 🇧🇪 - Gustaph - Because of You - YES Gustaph, YES! So happy for him making the top ten. I liked his song since day one, but I only fell in love with his performance last night. Bravo king.

17. Armenia 🇦🇲 - Brunette - Future Lover - I think she did very well, They fixed the smoke effect too, her performance was pretty solid and she did okay.

18. Moldova 🇲🇩 - Pasha Parfeni - Soarele și luna - Okay, Pasha was actually screwed over by the juries placing him 20th, but while the public did place him 9th, he still only got 76 points. With Finland, Sweden, Norway, Ukraine, Israel, Italy and Croatia hogging all the televote points, literally no points were left for anyone else, so if the juries didn't love them they were practically doomed. And the juries likewise only cared about 7 acts so Pasha tanked.

19. Ukraine 🇺🇦 - TVORCHI - Heart of Steel - A very commendable performance and an overall good placing. I believe they made Ukrainians proud, Ukraine knows how to work a stage, whatever they try so it was expected. Plus, I think being the only song with R&B vibes last night might have helped.

20. Norway 🇳🇴 - Alessandra - Queen of Kings - Her vocals were still shaky and I still can't get out of my mind how much better she performed at UMK but she still did good and the public ate her up so I think this was also a very good placing.

21. Germany 🇩🇪 - Lord of the Lost - Blood & Glitter - Germany really can't get out of the depths of hell unless it's Lena or Michael Schulte huh? I did expect them to do worse than all the Big 5 but I thought they'd at least be mid to low table? Their performance was really good too, they deserved more

22. Lithuania 🇱🇹 - Monika Linkytė - Stay - YES! My girl got 11th! That's much better than i thought she would get and I'm so happy! 

23. Israel 🇮🇱 - Noa Kirel - Unicorn - How the hell did Noa come third honestly xD Like, okay, I get the public points; even if the song was trash and the lyrics and unicorn hand gesture were a cringe fest, that dance break alone hard carried her but why the fuck did the juries got her 3rd place as well??? She was only singing good when stationary, the moment she started moving about she immediately went off key. How and why did the juries appreciate her vocal performance more than Italy's, Estonia's Spain's, Czechia's, Lithuania's, or Switzerland's who were all not once off-key during their performances??? This is genuinely puzzling and a huge inconsistency in the way the juries voted... Good for her anyway, I'm just still puzzled as to how she got such good scores from the juries, this makes no sense to me whatsoever.

24. Slovenia 🇸🇮 - Joker Out - Carpe Diem - Okay-ish boy band with an okay-ish performance did okay-ish. Nothing unexpected here.

25. Croatia 🇭🇷 - Let 3 - Mama ŠČ! - The public straight up ate them up! I'm so happy for them, because they still did good despite the juries', expected, butchering. This is how you do an anti-war song Switzerland!

26. United Kingdom 🇬🇧 - Mae Muller - I Wrote a Song - Whooo girl! Not second to last again! Her performance was not it, sure, but I still thought she miiiiight have done a teensy bit better.

[dessi1998]

and Poland was doing so well oof

hoping for 2-2

[misfit-among-the-angels]

Oof Lithuanian agency that helps to organize metal concerts just posted very homophobic meme. Yep. Unlike. But I'm not surprised because this fucking country is so fucking shitty when it comes to gay people. We're no better than Poland in some ways. Also very fucking embarrassed that Lithuanian metalheads are mainly homophobic assholes. But then again, that's why i never really belonged and couldn't really get any friends metalheads here because they are also fucking elitists most of them.

[mindthelspace]

Eurovision 2024 first impressions

Wasn't sure what to listen to at work, and then I remembered that all the Eurovision songs have now been released! So I thought I'd give 'em a listen.

Until today, I'd heard small clips of the songs in Youtube top 36 lists. That was it.

Caveat 1: I've paid zero attention to any of the national finals, so I'm blissfully ignorant of 90% of whatever drama happened in those.

Caveat 2: Everything below is the personal subjective opinion of me, a knobhead on Tumblr. You will probably disagree with a lot of it and that's fine.

Caveat 3: "Why are you not boycotting when Israel are-" Yes, I know. I do follow the news. I'm not going to go into why I'm not boycotting because that's not what this post is for, but I promise I have thought about it and can explain my reasons.

So, with that out of the way:

Croatia: Strong start! I really like this, and get why it's one of the favourites! I might be on Team Croatia this year- I'd love the winner to be someone who hasn't won before, or hasn't won for decades!

Netherlands: It's... alright, I guess? But I'm not sure it's as funny as it thinks it is, and might get a bit old fairly quickly.

Switzerland: This is interesting, and a nice break from their pattern of the past few years. I'll be happy if this does well :)

Italy: I like this better than I thought I would, based on the little clips I've seen. Still a bit confused about why it seems to be topping literally all the Youtube rankings, though.

Austria: Meh

Sweden: This is the ONE song I couldn't make it all the way through. I, yeah, sorry, I hate it. Sounds AI generated. Sweden, please, you have good music, I know you do, I've heard it, you don't need to send this kind of crap every other year, please!

Ukraine: Ukraine my beloved, always understanding the assignment <3

Greece: Way more interesting than the clip I'd heard previously made it sound!

Germany: This is exactly what I was afraid would happen if LotL didn't do well. I'm getting flashbacks to Michael Rice and his 2019 last place.

Belgium: Meh

Cyprus: Extremely Meh. This is like a composite of every bland, inoffensive, radio 1 song ever.

France: It's a nice ballad. 'For the Mum's, I think is the phrase. S'fine.

UK: Apparently 'obnoxious ear worms' is my country's new schtick. Although like Italy, I do like this a bit more than I thought I would. Also starting to notice a lot of the songs sounding a bit 80's-lite?

Georgia: S'fine, I guess. 50/50 as to whether it breaks their NQ streak.

Malta: Wow, there are a lot of trendy girl pop songs that I have absolutely no feelings about this year.

Armenia: This is enjoyable and I respect it.

Azerbaijan: Another Whelming-to-decent one, but I do like that they're singing in their own language for the first time!

Albania: Snore

Australia: I get what they were going for, but I find this a bit cheesy.

Ireland: Look at Ireland taking a risk! I so, so, hope this works out for them and breaks their NQ streak! I am slightly concerned, just because this is the kind of experimental that can be difficult to translate to a three minute stage performance, but if they give it the creativity it needs it could be their best entry in years!

Lithuania: A nice little catchy thing. Quite like it.

Denmark: Oof, Denmark really are in their wilderness years, aren't they? Look, this isn't bad, but there are a lot of songs that sound similar to this, and this has 'lost in the shuffle' written all over it.

Poland: There's nothing about this that makes it stand out from all the other trendy-girl-pop-songs objectively, but I do have a soft spot for this one.

Spain: This is really cute! I think I've found my favourite Big 5 :)

Czechia: Oh look, we have some pop-punk this year. Cool.

Serbia: I'm... not feeling much for this *now*, but I think it might grow on me once I've heard it a few times.

Finland: I am CACKLING

Portugal: I'm a bit undecided about this, tbh. Might have to see how it is live.

Norway: I knew I'd quite like this, and I do! I feel like the live performance is really going to make or break it though.

Luxembourg: So I've heard this song is *also* Israeli propaganda, and if that's true, a) that sucks, because Luxembourg, mate, this is your re-entry, you didn't want this, and b) it's disconcertingly cheerful.

Estonia: Whatever this is, it has no business going this hard.

San Marino: Another pop-punk. I'm a bit more intrigued by this one than the Czech one. I can't see it doing amazingly, but if the performance is good it could get San Marino a rare Q.

Slovenia: It's OK. Seemed like it was going somewhere and then... didn't.

Israel: Was debating whether to ignore this (and sit there wondering about it), or give in and listen to it once so I could stop caring. Went for the latter. You'll be relieved to know it's bland as shit. The inevitable background booing might even be an improvement.

Iceland: I didn't get Hera Bjork in 2010 and I don't get her now.

Latvia: I really want Latvia to break their NQ streak, especially with how they were basically robbed by the semi draw last year, but this just... needs to be more than it is. A really good live performance could save it, maybe? I don't know. I wanted to like this but I'm not hopeful.

Moldova: Slovenia Two. Another one that was sort of going somewhere for a minute, and then stopped.

In conclusion:

So much Eurodance

So much 80's

Loooads of really similar songs. More than usual. Some of them are inevitably going to cancel each other out.

The "everyone follows the runner ups of the previous year" trend seems to be holding, with lots of similar-vein-as-Noa-Kirels, and a few similar-vein-as-Kaarijas.

This is definitely a year that's less my cup of tea. That's OK. I was spoilt last year. And there are still some solid entries.

[ryttu3k]

Semi-final votes and comments, now in finals order! First, the scores I gave them, with a reminder that these can and absolutely do change between semi and final.

10/12: Australia 8/12: Norway, Portugal, Moldova, Finland, Slovenia, Albania, Austria 7/12: Serbia, Sweden, Czechia, Belgium, Lithuania, Poland, Armenia 6/12: Israel, Cyprus 5/12: Croatia 4/12: Switzerland, Estonia

No numerical score for the auto qualifiers.

And, my initial comments!

Austria: Okay, this one is making me grin and is also pretty catchy. 8/12 just for doing something genuinely different!

Portugal: Oh shit this is fun. Energetic torch song in Portuguese with a red dress I'm pretty sure the singer nicked from Conchita Wurst (complementary). I'm into it! 8/12

Switzerland: Oh no, a Heavy Topic Song™. Listen I respect it but is it really Eurovision? 4/12

Poland: I feel like I'm watching an aerobics video from the 90s. Produced in Spain. Which is odd, since they're Polish. On the other hand, I am jiggling my leg! Maybe it's Second Semi Final Syndrome's lower standards? 7/12

Serbia: Staging is really strong this year! Oh we're straight video game now. Wasn't sure at first but it's definitely growing on me! 7/12

France: I'm giving them nul points based solely on being a Mr Bean enjoyer. Okay no it's not bad. Ballady vibes but could be a banger.

Cyprus: Australia's back-up entry! He came 7th in the selection show last year (Voyager came second). …yeah no dull. Oh well. 6/12

Spain: Yeah I'm gonna have to wait to see the whole thing, but looks interesting. Maybe not my thing, but interesting!

Sweden: Loreen is back, too! I do wonder about this, previous winners returning tends not to play out great unless you're Johnny Logan. …It is a bit panini press, yeah XD Yeah honestly I'm not feeling this, definitely not as much as Euphoria, which I goddamn adored. It's still really solid, it's just lacking something? I suspect it'll win XD;; 7/12

Albania: Oh there's the drama. Not in English, rad costumes! 8/12

Italy: Eh, doesn't really do much for me.

Estonia: Nifty a cure for the fact that I've been awake for nearly two hours and it's only 5:20 AM. *faceplants on the keyboard 4/12

Finland: “When your sleeves say Met Gala but your chest says Vicks VaporRub.” The fan favourite! You go dude bust out of that box. I'm not actually 100% sold on it musically, but the presentation is top notch. Oh hey I really dig that last bit, actually! Rainbows! 8/12

Czechia: Oh these visuals slap. Not 100% sold on the song itself but the presentation is really cool. 7/12

Australia: Yeah here we go! Honestly so glad we're closing the show. Very synthwavey vibes but like, synthwave goes rock. And our old friend, the wind machine! And a keytar! Fuck yeah that's a closer! 10/12

Belgium: God this gets points just for not making me fall asleep. The Ballroom vibe is fun as hell too. 7/12

Armenia: Oh god this is so slow. Armenia, it's 5:13 AM, it's too early for a slow song. There we go, picked up! Yeah, aside from the slow start, this works. 7/12

Moldova: Welcome back, Pasha! I did love Lăutar. Oh shit this is fun as hell, really digging the staging and costuming, it's got some fun folky elements but amped up. 8/12

Ukraine: It's kind of giving 90s boy band, alas.

Norway: Oh this is a strong start! Costuming is dramatic, it's got energy, I dig it! Oof, that high note didn't quite hit, though. 8/12

Germany: ‘Blood and Glitter' is a hell of a title. They look like they're gonna be fun as hell!

Lithuania: Slow start, but some big vocals to save it a bit. I'm sorry I'm so tired. 6/12

Israel: It feels listenable but in the most generic way possible? Like, “Okay, start with interesting visuals, put some soaring vocals in, now do a rap bit, now do a dance, now end with pyros!” Like objectively I'm not sure there's anything wrong with it but it just feels… generic!! 6/12

Slovenia: Points for not English + I kinda want the lead singer's shirt + it's funky + band! With instruments! It's certainly no Maneskin, but yeah, definitely favourite of the night so far! 8/12

Croatia: Myf (Australian commentator) just described them as bonkers so I am eagerly awaiting this. …It is indeed bonkers! Not sure about the weird military-esque vibe but it's also giving somewhat cheerleader? Okay this is basically nigh unlistenable but it does get Bonkers Points™. 5/12

United Kingdom: It's certainly not bad! It's just very… more of the same, I guess?

So starting out with a really fun one, Australia and Finland have not-great places in the very middle of the pack, and we're ending with something very… samey. Well, we'll see how it goes!

[mondscheinprinzessin]

For the not from US ask: 5, 6, 10, 15 and 24 please! 💜

5. favourite song in your native language?

Hard decision because I hold a dear relationship with one album from Die Ärzte BUT Eisblumen by Eisblume has a special place in my heart. After I saw the mv on MTV I searched for it so long till I found it online and the whole album is great. (also does that count as emo music because that explains a lot).

6. most hated song in your native language? 10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language?

Just answered

15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get?

We have a great meme from a far-right politican from an interview she gave where she starts off by saying that she doesn't believe in drastic climate change being caused by us people AND THEN!:

"Yeah but then we should explain the to the sun not to shine that much for example, that would be a good idea" 🤣 Yes get her ass right wing "climate expert" politican😂

24. what other nation is joked about most often in your country?

Oof, Germany likes to be on a high horse and look down on other countries so we have lots of jokes about other countries, by far (here in east Germany at least) it has to be Poland though, sorry Kiki.

With brexit it was Britain too though.

[badgersprite]

My 2023 Eurovision Top 37!

It's that time again! That time where I give my thoughts on the Eurovision songs of the year ahead of the contest.

Lowkey I think this has turned into a way stronger year than people expected. I don't think there are any ~objectively~ bad songs honestly, even the songs I don't care for this year it's mostly not because they're bad so much as it's because they're just OK, and this has been the hardest top 10 I can remember having to pick since I started ranking Eurovision. This is my favourite top 10 I've had in a while. I literally cannot split my Top 4 songs in terms of how much I love them, it's basically a four-way tie that fluctuates with my mood.

OK, with that said, I'm going to do something different than I usually do and countdown my Top 37 in REVERSE order!

37. POLAND - BLANKA - Solo

Yeah, OK, this just isn't for me. This is an entirely personal thing but it's got that, like, white-people reggae beat that irks me? You know like how in the same way that Meghan Trainor does a really milquetoast soulless version of doo-wop? This sounds like reggae as interpreted by Meghan Trainor

And yes I mean that as an insult.

36. ROMANIA - THEODOR ANDREI - D.G.T (Off and On)

It starts as it means to go on and never really goes anywhere. If you don't like it in the first three seconds you're not going to like the next three minutes.

35. CYPRUS - ANDREW LAMBROU - Break a Broken Heart

Generic Eurovision sad boy song. Does nothing for me.

34. LITHUANA - MONIKA LINKYTĖ - Stay

I cannot stand this chorus. Gets some points for doing a bit more than the generic Eurovision ballad with the gospel choir.

33. SWITZERLAND - REMO FORRER - Watergun

Oof. Yeah, no. Points for good production and the great voice but to me the attempt at a serious anti-war message using lyrics like "I don't want to play with real blood" is jarring in a bad way.

32. ALBANIA - ALBINA & FAMILJA KELMENDI - Duje

I normally like Albania's Eurovision entries but this year is a break from tradition. To me the song comes across as kind of messy and structurally weird, I can never really get into it. There is also A LOT of Eurovision that basically sounds exactly like this to me. I feel like I heard this exact song multiple times in the 2000s.

31. SAN MARINO - PIQUED JACKS - Like An Animal

Don't like the song or the guy's voice but the guitar sounds alright, I guess? It's honestly kind of hard to rank the entries that you don't particularly care for lol. I have no strong feelings about this song at all, I don't even remember it as I'm writing this.

30. ARMENIA - BRUNETTE - Future Lover

OK, ballads aren't really my thing. It takes a lot for me to connect with a ballad. There's things about this song that I like, but I can't change that I don't connect with it. And if it doesn't evoke any particular feeling from me and I'm not super here for it musically because it's not my kind of song/genre to start, then I can't exactly pretend that I like it more than other songs I've put higher than this.

29. ESTONIA - ALIKA - Bridges

I like this a lot more now than I did the first time I heard it where I was literally rolling my eyes at it, but even with me recognising the quality in this song and connecting with it more than Future Lover, it doesn't finish any higher than this unfortunately.

28. AZERBAIJAN - TURALTURANX - Tell Me More

Kiss me, out of the bearded barley, nightly, beside the green green grass--oh wait that's not the song? Yeah, this is a very forgettable, kind of meh song, nothing that stands out about it, but sonically it sounds very pleasant, I like the chords that remind me of Sixpence None The Richer and in that regard I like it more than the songs below it on this list.

27. ITALY - MARCO MENGONI - Due Vite

Yeah, again, this is another Eurovision ballad I don't particularly care for, but that piano riff is very nice. I like that about it. I like it more now than I did the first time I heard it. It's perfectly fine.

26. GERMANY - LORD OF THE LOST - Blood and Glitter

Oh, OK, now we're out of the ballad zone and into the fun and interesting stuff. I'm glad that stuff like this is here in the contest this year (even though I wanted Melodies of Hope to represent Germany lol), the problem is that even as someone who isn't really into this kind of music, it's just kind of an OK example of its genre.

25. CROATIA - LET 3 - Mama ŠČ

Hahaha, OK, I might enjoy this more than most people, but I'm glad these guys are here, they're a laugh. And I don't think the song is that bad at all, I actually quite enjoy the chorus.

24. NETHERLANDS - MIA NICOLAI & DION COOPER - Burning Daylight

I connected with this ballad a little. The ending is particularly good. But it doesn't really hold up for me on repeat listens. It's not a song I expect to ever listen to again after the contest. Until maybe one day I do listen to it when I'm sad and suddenly I'm crying my eyes out, and on that day I'll love it. But until then it's perfectly fine.

23. IRELAND - WILD YOUTH - We Are One

This sounds like the final song from a Disney Channel movie about a plucky high school rock band and their wacky adventures. Like you know the main guy almost left the band but then he comes back at the end and he sings this song when they reunite. That being said even though this is very annoyingly facile and I am totally aware of that, I like the way it sounds. And I should like the way it sounds because it's so inoffensive that it was probably designed in a lab to use the chord progressions that appeal to the most people.

22. ICELAND - DILJÁ - Power

Again, kind of a generic pop song that sounds like it could be from any point in the past 30 years, but I enjoy her vocal and the breakbeat. I do keep forgetting what this song sounds like though. That's not a great sign for it.

21. GREECE - VICTOR VERNICOS - What They Say

I'm kind of surprised that this is this high, but I just find myself liking the way it sounds more than the songs below it, even though it doesn't evoke any real feelings from me at all. This is almost certainly going to be a song I don't remember a year from now.

20. LATVIA - SUDDEN LIGHTS - Aijã

OK we're now at the point where I straight up like every song from here down. Love the complex rhythms and time signature changes. Is this the first Eurovision song to be in 5/8? I don't know, but I think it's definitely the first Eurovision song to switch from 5/8 to 6/8.

19. UKRAINE - TVORCHI - Heart of Steel

This song came out so early in Eurovision season that I almost kind of took for granted how good this is. This song really has a presence. It feels big and makes you pay attention, and it's not a genre we really get at Eurovision much so it stands out a lot, for the right reasons.

18. MOLDOVA - PASHA PARFENY - Soarele Şi Luna

I'm really enjoying the trend in Eurovision to have traditional folk music elements mixed with electronic music. It's always a vibe.

17. UNITED KINGDOM - MAE MULLER - I Wrote A Song

Yeah, this is a super fun song. I like it. I like it a lot. I might just be a tiny bit too old to vibe with this song as much as some people, it has a little bit of TikTok about it, but this is the kind of music the UK should have been sending for years.

16. AUSTRALIA - VOYAGER - Promise

I don't like this as much as Dreamer but I think people are underselling how good this song actually is. I enjoy Voyager. They sound a bit like The Presets and The Potbelleez. They take me back to when I was still in high school lol.

15. ISRAEL - NOA KIREL - Unicorn

OK sure the unicorn lyric is fucking stupid, but it knows it's stupid. This song is not above being stupid. And I'm not above loving it.

14. SERBIA - LUKE BLACK - Samo Mi Se Spava

This speaks to teenage me on a deep level. Like it's got a lot of Nine Inch Nails and A Perfect Circle vibes about it. And I've never really stopped liking this kind of music. The synth riff in this song makes it.

13. NORWAY - ALESSANDRA - Queen of Kings

Yeah that's right I said it, Queen of Kings isn't in my top 10. I told you this is a good year. This song is an event. It's like an EDM sea shanty. It's extremely catchy. It does lose its lustre a bit after repeat listens. But, like, live? It's going to be amazing.

12. AUSTRIA - TEYA & SALENA - Who the Hell is Edgar?

Oh we're going FULL Eurovision this year, huh? Wow we've got like multiple meme songs and most of them are great. This song has no business being as good as it is.

11. PORTUGAL - MIMICAT - Ai Coração

I did not expect to love this song as much as I do. But it's great. It makes me feel extremely happy every time I listen to it. I think I feel about this song the way a lot of people felt about Moldova last year.

10. SLOVENIA - JOKER OUT - Carpe Diem

We got ourselves an indie rock banger at Eurovision. This song is just pure quality. It's catchy as hell and you can dance to it. You know you'd think it's not easy to get songs stuck in your head when you don't speak the language, but this is the type of song that shows how universal and transcendent music really is.

9. BELGIUM - GUSTAPH - Because of You

Girlies. Listen. I am a homosexual. 90s Eurodance defines who I am. As a person. I will never abandon 90s Eurodance. I have a spiritual connection with this kind of music. There is absolutely nothing objective about me putting this here, but it makes me happy and speaks to my little gay soul in a way nothing else can do. Highkey, I love that this song is so self-aware about how 90s it is that it's in early 90s MTV black and white with the old 90s TV aspect ratio.

8. FINLAND - KÄÄRIJÄ - Cha Cha Cha

And the award for most Eurovision song of Eurovision 2023 goes to...

Seriously though where else but in Eurovision could this song exist? Describing it doesn't really do it justice, it's just something you need to experience. And this belongs in the annals of songs you show people to capture the essence of what Eurovision is along with stuff like Verka Serduchka.

7. GEORGIA - IRU - Echo

Georgia was the last country to release their song, this only just came out, and HOLY CRAP. I have barely had time to process my thoughts but this is so up my alley. I think this is also the first time I've liked a song from Georgia since like 2015/2016? So, honestly, slay. Georgia have had the worst qualification record in recent years. This song should break that. It deserves to. It's amazing. And the STYLING in this video makes me incredibly excited to see it staged live.

6. MALTA - THE BUSKER - Dance (Our Own Party)

Listen, Eurovision + Saxophone = $$$. I don't make the rules I just live by them. This song is a straight up good vibe and I dig an epic sax. I don't have very complex thoughts about this song as its appeal to me is entirely unintellectual and coming directly from some base id lizard brain inside me, but like it's a fun party song you can dance to. What's not to like? And what else do you really need at Eurovision?

5. DENMARK - REILEY - Breaking My Heart

This is pure pop perfection. I'm surprised that this isn't as popular with Eurofans as I think it should be. But this is the most like the music I listen to outside the contest. Electronic pop with a summery, almost 80s esque synth bass rhythm. I'm so here for it. This is the kind of contemporary music I love to hear on the radio. People are sleeping on this song, but I'm not.

OK for real before I get into my Top 4, all these remaining songs are my actual babies. I have never had four songs in the same Eurovision that I've loved this much. On any given day any one of these four songs could be my top. I want all of them to win, if any one of them does I'm thrilled. But this is how I feel about them today, in this order.

4. SPAIN - BLANCA PALOMA - EAEA

This right here. This is why I love Eurovision. I have literally never heard anything like this in my life before, and I adore it. This isn't just music, babes, this is art. The modern production mixed with traditional flamenco rhythm speaks to the culturally Spanish heart of this song, evoking the traditional Spanish lullaby sounds sung to babies when they are crying.

The lyrics are beautiful too. A sample translated to English:

Oh, come to me, child of mine

Sleep by my side

Because in my chest there’s a shelter

A little shelter for your grief

My child, when I die

May they bury me in the Moon

So that I’ll see you every night

Every night but one

3. FRANCE - LA ZARRA - Évidemment

I love how unapologetically French France always is at Eurovision. I hope they never change. Honestly, this is just a total serve and a total slay. The biggest "Yaas Queen" moment of Eurovision 2023, and she owns it. La Zarra exudes boundless charisma as she mixes classic chanson with a Dua Lipa-esque disco revival beat and bassline. Seriously, she's got stage presence other artists can only dream of. They don't need to change the staging at all for Eurovision from what they did in the music video. I wouldn't be shocked if this is even better live than it already is and unexpectedly snatches the crown.

2. CZECHIA - VESNA - My Sister's Crown

How to say 'fuck you' to Putin in four languages. This was SO, SOOO close to being my top song. It's been in my head ever since it came out. I love everything about it. Once again, music like this is why I love Eurovision. The voices of Vesna combine together to sound like an epic traditional Slavic folk women's choir, but then they mix that with in-your-face modern production and rap. When's the last time you heard Bulgarian rap? This whole song is just straight fire.

1. SWEDEN - LOREEN - Tattoo

Listen. This is a Loreen stan account. I have always been a Loreen stan account. I refuse to apologise for it. I embrace what I am. Loreen is my favourite Eurovision artist of all time. Not just in Eurovision, but for her work outside of Eurovision. Yes, more than ABBA. Hell, she's possibly my favourite pop artist full stop. Heal is one of the greatest underrated pop albums of all time. I love everything about her as an artist. She has one of my favourite voices I've ever heard. And I adore how she uses every inch of her body as a canvas for performance art to tell a story. I just adore Loreen, and I love this song. Even with me trying to keep my Loreen bias out of it, I can't not put this song first. That second verse, bridge and chorus are just a cosmic event that eclipses everything else for me, even before it gets to the end.

So will this be the year that Sweden ties Ireland not only in having 7 wins at the contest, but having the first two-time winner since Johnny Logan? Bitch it might be. Catch me in Gothenburg next year

That's it, go home now :P