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sillyfudgemonkeys · 4 years

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Late to the slapping discourse but I think another thing is, well, p much everybody, be they makoto fans or haters, despise that confidant, especially due to eiko hogging up so much screentime, so seeing makoto slap her was likely pretty cathartic

sfdjkhla I get where ya coming from anon, but sorry you just reignited this fury inside me again I’mma just rant (not at you, just at the void that is tumblr, I’m just mad and I have more to say about this topic apparently laskfdj;af Just know you didn’t do anything wrong, but your ask did make me think of something new so yay!). Tho tbh, I’ve seen other Mako haters hate that she slaps Eiko for my similar reasons (aka Mako is a pretty bad person who gets away with some bad shit because she’s an main character and we need to be “on her side”). But I don’t think that slap should’ve been viewed as cathartic (tho I get WHY people do), or the fact that it is showcases a big (writing) problem.

(also sorry this is all over the place, I’m writing it very quickly, while quickly reviewing her CoOp, before I go to bed)

Y’all know I hate Makoto, and I think her CoOp is hot garbage, but I don’t actually blame Eiko for it tbh (I mean Ryuji/Anne’s are just fine with juggling other chars, despite having their own issues.....not so much are because of said side chars, it’s other things but again the side chars are juggled just fine with Anne/Ryu). I don’t really hate the char, I think she’s fine. She’s a pretty friendly person, maybe a tad airheadish but she’s not mean (at least she doesn’t say mean things without a reason). Hell I think she does her role pretty fine, it’s Makoto who fails to overcome flaws (mostly her hotheadedness and applying these new view points she’s learned).

If the writers intended Makoto’s slap to be cathartic no offense but fuck those writers yo. Because it showcases Makoto really is unable to understand any other person’s mindset (at least in practice), does her own selfish shit, and gets rewarded even tho she hurt someone or failed to actually do the bare min to make up for shit she’s done (like the Kamo arc, sorry but you had her say it yourself writers “it’s not that I couldn’t do anything, it’s that I just didn’t care enough” your whole “adults make me do things I don’t want to/they are mean :(” bs doesn’t mesh well, you don’t actually resolve or address the flaw of that char, you just shoved responsibility onto someone else....with that something else isn’t really explored/expanded upon either). Basically, if that slap was cathartic, I think the writers failed....I mean they already did fail with them actually writing that slap in, but they failed at their theme/moral to boot.

So when I have Makoto, who’s CoOp literally starts out with her wanting to learn new perspectives (and you know, maybe kinda learning a little EMPATHY) it’s hard to argue she learned that shit when she literally is unable to do just that and slaps someone. As well as reinforce the fact SHE SHOULDN’T BE IN THE POSITION SHE IS IN (aka our planner/advisor/whatever). 1) It shows she can’t control her emotions (and if we’re gonna give Ryu shit, she def deserves it too), 2) she can’t come up with a gd plan to save her life (the best plan the PT came up with was the first dungeon in PQ2 and guess what? She wasn’t a part of it, gee I’d be shocked but....I’m not).

It just showcases the poor writing ability of that writer. Makoto’s CoOp is about her learning new things about society and her peers she’s failing at, and ability to connect/understand the people around her....and at that freaking climax it just shows.....she didn’t learn shit. She’s been saying she did all CoOp, even basically says she understands why Eiko is acting that way, but what does she do with that info? Does’t apply it when confronting her and just reverts to bullheaded Makoto mode. It doesn’t matter what happens after, we don’t see her reconcile with Eiko, all that is off screen. In the climatic moment, she fails to accomplish the goal of what her CoOp set out to do....and she’s rewarded for it. She doesn’t realize why Eiko is upset, she doesn’t try to think of a backup plan in case her first one fails, she acts only on her own emotions in the moment. And no “her friend is in danger of prostitution so it’s now or never” is NOT a good excuse, you wanna know WHY? The freaking, change of heart part of the ENTIRE GD GAME! Any argument of “we can’t always use hear changes” goes out the gd window with like 90% of any problems we encounter when we can just go to the Metaverse (to even just interrogate tbh!). The only reason Anne/Yoshida work is because Anne’s we don’t know till the literal last second and by then it’s resolved itself, and Yoshida is dead set on fixing it himself! Makoto’s CoOp? No, that guy should be bumped from “shady boyfriend” to “yeah this guy is now on our request lists holy shit does he fit our MO”

But back to Eiko, yeah it’s great Makoto is expanding her horizons, so glad she knows what a cardigan is~! Too bad, despite actually knowing her friend’s circumstance and possibly why she’s acting that way, Makoto doesn’t approach it with the level of tact that is freaking needed. Showcasing she’s learnt nothing, nothing from her past mistakes, not from “these new viewpoints I’ve learnt,” nothing from knowing WHY her friend might be feeling this way. She literally just does what she’s been doing. She just has the smoke and mirrors benefit of saying “well I learnt a new viewpoint” but your actions speak louder than your words. You didn’t learn shit.

Wait....no I’m not giving Makoto enough credit, haha, you see she did learn something, at the beginning of the CoOp, and that’s actually not ignoring something shady going on. Unlike with the Kamo arc. My bad, so instead of seeing her bull her way through feeling “forced” to do something, we see her bulling her way through “caring” this time. But here’s the thing, that wasn’t her arc for this CoOp, her understanding other viewpoints was. She failed. Somehow she freaking failed. It’s a talent Makoto! It’s a real talent you have there!

You know why I think Makoto/Eiko thing pisses me off so much? I have a friend that reminds me a lot of Eiko. She’s nice, def a girly gal type person, as well as other things. She had just begun dating someone I deemed a red flag (not Tsukasa bad like selling yourself or that she was in any kinda danger, but still a “yeah you should know” kinda thing....like...I’d feel bad if I didn’t know about it and I was in her position kinda thing). And you know what I did? Did I take her out into public on a crowded street and yell at her and say you need to break up with him and when she got (pretty rightfully) defensive I then slapped her and got on my high horse and was like “I’m doing this for your own good! YOU don’t understand MY position, what I’M going through, but you need to know what I’m doing is for the BEST!”? No. That never crossed my freaking mind cause I’m not a psychopath. I instead, took her out for ice cream, sat in a more remote spot for privacy, and reassured her of her emotions and own autonomy and that I cared and that I understand she cares about things and I’m coming from a place of good faith and I wasn’t there to attack her, and then I broke the news to her. You know what she did? She laughed, was happy I was a normal human being with some tact, said she wished another friend of hers did what I did instead of through text. Said she’d take what I said into consideration. She broke up with him a few months later.....cause he was a twat apparently, but our friendship was well in tact and strengthened. And I was barely a year older than Makoto was at the time, AND a super awkward honor student AND my friendship with her was about as new as Mako’s and Eiko’s (AND we were very much opposites like those two hell even more so).

I dunno, it just would’ve been so much more impactful if Makoto, instead of slapping Eiko after she called Mako a “bitch.” Mako stepped forward (making everyone think she’s going to be physical but instead it showcases Makoto thinking rationally for once), looked Eiko in the eye and said “What you think of me is not all that I am. And even if you hate me, know I still think of you as my friend and will be here for you for whatever reason. But I won’t let you throw your life away, not for this scum of a human being. *turns to Tsukasa* Listen to me asshole, I say this not as some honor student, but as Eiko’s friend. You will be delivered justice, and you will apologize to Eiko and all the other girls who’s lives you’ve ruined” to which we either get Tsukasa’s name via asking around (low key Ichiko could probably help), or by getting it from Shadow!Eiko in the metaverse. The next rank we see Eiko and Mako making up, and Mako explains how she’s more than just an honor student (basically the shit she says after she slaps Eiko), and Eiko apologizes for all the mean things she said in the moment and how she felt afraid or whatever other stuff they wanna add to deepen her char or whatever. And we have a theme kept intact, and Eiko even learns about new perspectives (as well as reinforcing this whole moral/theme to the viewer)....but we legit get to see this development for her, and we learn how to do it with compassion and understanding and not ‘slap to be dramatic~!’ bs (because then it comes off as like....using force to change someone’s behavior.....and like????? probably not the best message ESP for P5′s setting). You can dislike Eiko, but the CoOp technically became just as much as her arc as Mako’s and the fact we don’t see the resolution is poor. (btw the “how/when” it would’ve taken place would’ve been rank 9 still, we just wouldn’t rank up till the mementos mission was done, that or restructure the link but the former is easier)

So....yeah....maybe it’s the fact that Makoto’s CoOP belittles how teens can actually resolve these problems. Maybe it’s the fact we’re supposed to root for Mako’s bad behavior. Maybe it’s the fact when it came down to the wire, Mako didn’t utilize the knowledge she has been bragging about getting over the CoOp. Maybe it’s the fact she resorted to violence when there was another avenue to take. Maybe it’s the fact we never see Makoto actually hit a bad guy/aggressor (instead we have to save her from those) but instead only see her hitting her so called friends. Maybe it’s the fact of her showcasing flaws that she shouldn’t have (her hotheadedness and shitty planning skills). Or maybe it’s the fact we root for a “cathartic slap” in favor of doing what this CoOp is supposed to be: teaching Makoto AND the viewer about learning to see someone else’s perspective, and coming up with a plan that we never would’ve thought of to help fix that issue. Sacrificing a big theme/moral of the CoOp for something “dramatic.”

But I don’t know why I should be shocked, this is P5. Contradictions everywhere, in the lore, in the themes, in the writing, in the morals. Just. Everywhere.

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littlehollyleaf · 5 years

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why did Ed kill Penn?

I’ve been thinking about this A LOT since 508, as well as the fantastic way Penn and Eddie and their respective relationships with Oswald, and the identity issues caused by their relationship with Oswald, were mirrored in the episode

and I absolutely concur with the general fandom reading of JEALOUSY on Ed’s part (something similar to his former rivalry with Butch resurfacing maybe, but also possibly a match to Ozzie’s killing of Isabella)

I also think there’s something to be said for the idea that Ed honestly was acting out of a sense of self preservation (or Oswald preservation :p) - recognising, from personal experience of a fractured personality, that destroying the puppet/dummy had NOT made Penn safe and that he was likely to continue to be a threat to himself and Oswald in the future if left alive

but I feel like you can argue for something DEEPER at play as well relating to Penn and Eddie’s mirroring/similarities and Eddie’s compulsions

because it seems to me like Penn’s confrontation with Oswald was a bit of a replay of Ed and Ozzie’s infamous first Dock’s Scene -

we have Ozzie telling them both to ‘listen’ and going on to express concern over the mental/emotional influence on them killing him will have -

“you need to listen to me when I tell you by doing this it will change you”

“Arthur, I want you to listen to what I’m saying - you accuse me of manipulating you by what about him? I never asked you to kill anybody”

then we have Ozzie appealing to the emotional connection between him and the others (as he perceives it) and literally reaching out -

“this will be the cold-blooded murder of someone you love”

“think of everything that we went through together - Sofia Falcone, getting cut off from the mainland, starving!”

both assertions that Ed and Penn/Scarface are quick to shoot down as inaccurate -

“I don’t love you”

“You mean Penn was starving!”

this is followed by Ed and Penn both raging for a bit, I’ll just paraphrase - you killed Isabella so I wanted you to suffer and now you need to die, you gave your dog steak while I ate scraps!!

there’s a little addition at the docks where Oswald interrupts Ed to say they need each other and ‘you can’t have one without the other’

but the next comparable part as I see it is how after being raged at Ozzie responds in kind by getting angry himself -

“When I met you, you were a nervous, jittery loser! You were nothing! I created Edward Nygma”

“I welcomed you into my home!”

and in 508 it’s at this point we get a quick reaction shot of Ed (the first since this exchange between Ozzie and Penn started) and that interests me -

he turns to glance first at Oswald and then at Penn, and I know plot-wise he’s looking for an opening to set off the sonar machine as a distraction (or whatever he did to make that high pitched noise), but...

after all the above similarities, I wonder if this shot is doubling up as a indicator that Ed is clocking just how similar Penn’s situation is to his own past with Oswald (esp. since it’s the line ‘I welcomed you into my home’ that makes him look - since that is exactly what Oswald did for him prior to Isabella ofc)

if so, I think Ed may also be noting (with, perhaps, a touch of exasperation/disapproval) that Ozzie is reacting to Penn’s legitimate anger and pain in the same dismissive way Ed felt HIS anger and pain over Isabella was treated... meaning that quick glance at Penn could, just maybe, be one of understanding... (maybe, possibly, also sympathy?)...

and in understanding Penn’s current situation as a match to his past Ed could feasibly have been calculating the most likely direction the exchange was about to take ie. Ozzie’s angry words and dismissive attitude pushing Penn into going through with shooting him, as happened with Ed at the docks

EXCEPT THIS TIME, instead of being dismissive and belittling, OZZIE GOES COMPLETELY OFF SCRIPT -

“And yes, I was not a good friend”

no insults

no insisting on his superiority

instead he offers the opposite - he shows Penn RESPECT by acknowledging that he treated him badly and that the anger and pain Penn feels is therefore valid

and he doesn’t stop there but goes on to include Ed in this moment of humility -

“To you, or anyone”

and he really REALLY DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT - Ed was already on side and in the middle of a plan to save them both, so it’s not like Ozzie needed to butter him up or anything

no, this was presented as a genuine moment of growth I think

this was Ozzie given a ‘do over’ of sorts (oooh maybe kinda like Selina got with Jeremiah’s attempt to recreate the Wayne murder?)

with Penn he is faced with a similar situation as he had once been in with Ed and THIS TIME he shows he has grown enough to be able to acknowledge his faults and treat the other person with respect

AND is able to retrospectively do this with Ed himself at the same time - finally giving Ed what he’d been lacking back at the docks ie. acknowledgement that his behaviour (killing Isabella) had hurt Ed, showing he accepted that hurt as valid and thus accepted Ed, as a person, as valid

which is part of why Ed just LOSES IT at that point I think -

it’s everything he didn’t know he needed! <3

the comparisons continue with Ozzie talking about how he ‘sees’ Ed and Penn -

“I am the only one in the world who truly sees you as you are. Who you could still become”

“I saw you for what you are and I valued that”

and this makes both Ed and Penn falter a moment -

but ultimately stick to their resolve -

“I loved her Oswald. And you killed her” [bang!]

“You’re a liar and a thief. All you do is take, take, take! And you never give anything. You worked me to the bone. Forced me to be your puppet. Well no more. You hear me? No more.”

as Penn advances on Oswald, clearly ready to shoot him now, we get one last reaction shot from Ed -

and, idk... I think you can read bit of AFFINITY in Ed here? He’s absolutely locked on to Penn and I can imagine him thinking ‘god yes, I remember how that felt’ - quickly followed up by ‘shit, I know what happens next!’ as he recognises that Penn has reached a point where his compulsion to shoot Oswald can no longer be reasoned with

but maybe there’s also a little bit of - ‘no don’t do it!’ in Ed’s expression? or perhaps - ‘what are you doing? he admitted his fault, you don’t have to go through with this, not like I did!’

then ofc Ed DASHES over to activate his machine, saving Oswald’s life

Penn is subdued

but Ed shoots him anyway, cold and calculated

which brings us back to - why?

well, I put forward that it’s partly because of the way the whole confrontation became a repetition, or return to, or ‘do-over’ of that first docks scene

see, throughout the show we’ve seen various ways in which Ed finds significance in repetition eg. taking Oz back to the docks to kill him a second time, repeating the same 3 riddles with different academics in order to get a satisfactory answer, even hooking up with Isabella was a ‘second chance’ at what he had with Kristen and so on (we even see it in small things like leaving Oswald a second origami penguin at Arkham)

if we assume Ed came to feel like he WAS reliving/repeating the past here, then I feel that because Ozzie did something different Ed would have therefore considered himself ‘free’ to do the same

and that difference was him FORGIVING Oswald for his betrayal in killing Isabella, or at least MOVING ON from it

so, basically, I’m thinking that in Ed’s mind the whole scenario with Penn became an opportunity to ‘reset’ his and Oswald’s relationship back to the point before it fell apart and have it play out better - ie. with Ozzie showing remorse for the pain he’d caused (if not outright apologising) and with him forgiving Ozzie and the two of them remaining friends and moving on together

BUT

for Ed, I think that meant the experience and it’s revelations and conclusion became no longer about or anything to do with Penn at all, it became SOLELY ABOUT HIM AND OSWALD

because it was about replaying THEIR past and reshaping THEIR relationship

meaning that from the moment Ozzie ‘flipped the script’ and gave Ed that chance to restore their relationship, Penn became superfluous

or worse, an impediment - because if Penn went on to forgive Oswald, as he seemed to after the puppet was destroyed, and Oswald went on to welcome him back into his life, then I imagine to Ed that risked the whole thing becoming just about Oswald and Penn after all, and the important shift in Ed and Oswald’s relationship, the ‘reset’ of it back to them being proper friends again, might no longer have applied

ergo, removing Penn was simply the necessary/logical thing to do, because he didn’t belong in the picture/narrative Ed had crafted - he’d been a means to an end and with the end reached his purpose was over

y/n/m?

I mean... I guess this is just a fancy way of reinforcing the ‘jealousy’ reading :p because it’s Ed muscling Penn out and being all - yeah, sorry, but no, this is actually about Oswald and ME, not you

but I just liked the idea of Ed’s compulsive side being ‘activated’ by all the parallels/mirrors!

#gotham: nothing's shocking #a few thinky thoughts I had buzzing around and needed to jot down to shut them up #(I've got a bit too into this screenshot thing :p)#this might be nonsense it's v. late/early now so it's hard to tell!#character study: edward

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psionicsua · 6 years

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Uncommon asks for Ko/kumo

oooh boy. here we go. this is only one of three but they are taking A While ;; long long post under the cut.

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Both of them are pretty good at this. Their minds are so busy, no matter how passive they’re being, they’re still somewhat at work. Ko would hate not being active in some capacity after a couple hours, though, his past makes him really hate stagnation. Kokumo could very easily do nothing for hours on end if left to his own devices, he would appreciate the time for introspection, but after like.. A day of nothing else, he would start to feel too guilty to not do Something.

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Ko is very good at laughing as part of a persona, but when he’s not lying he’s not very emotive. I don’t think he would laugh at very much, unless he’s in a situation where he can tease someone like Rowan or Milo. Kokumo laughs a lot easier, and takes a lot of joy from fairly simple interactions, but he’s also pretty uncomfortable most of the time so he tries to stay more serene as a disguise for his negative emotions.

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Ko doesn’t like to sleep, and generally spaces out his required meditation during the night, forcing himself to shut down for an hour or two at a time. Kokumo welcomes the chance to meditate, and probably does so as soon as the action of the day has settled and he’s finished with his journal. He’s still up most of the night, though.

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Ko’s is almost impossible to gain, taking weeks of almost constant interaction. He only ever fully trusted in like, three people. Kokumo has an inverse of this - an implicit trust in the people close to him, and his belief that everyone has the opportunity to change themselves makes him more likely to offer his trust as a show of faith.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Very easy for both of them. Ko mistrusts immediately, and any change in that can be quickly reverted if he’s presented with a reason for mistrust. Kokumo, while much more willing to trust, is not willing to put in the work for those who don’t want to change. If that is evident in their behavior, he doesn’t see the need to trust them.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Ko has no regard for law whatsoever. Kokumo will play by them if he feels he has to, but he doesn’t really believe in them.

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Ko gets nostalgic for the Denten and his life with Hermione pretty easily, but he also shuts it down as quickly as possible. It hurts too much for him to enjoy his past. Kokumo.. has a very strained relationship with his past. Nostalgia specifically is actually beyond his capabilities.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Ko was kind of a perfect kid for the most part, although Hermione try to keep him from putting himself in potential danger.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Not really. I mean, a little? Kokumo would probably swear more than Ko just by virtue of his stronger emotionality.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

This is a hilarious question to me. Ko remembers all of his lies - the one he’s haunted by is the lie of the nightshade, even despite the resolution he found with Denise. I don’t think Kokumo has really lied yet.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Ko absolutely pretends to understand while doing everything in his power to actually figure it out on his own. Kokumo admits to it easily, esp given his circumstances, and he generally tries to both reason it out and work with others to resolve the confusion.

13. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

They would both just ignore it.

14. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Ko feels best in blues, but it looks pretty monotone on him. Silvers and grays are definitely more striking on him, as well as a deep black. Kokumo prefers the brown layered clothing of his youth, which actually looks very well on him.

15. What animal do they fear most?

I don’t think either of them fear any animal.

16. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Ko’s speech is pretty measured and controlled, but he’s impulsive, which leads to him saying some wild shit. Kokumo speaks his mind, but his mind is a lot quieter than Ko’s, so he’s surprisingly a bit less talkative.

17. What makes their stomach turn?

For Ko, most other people and the mortal capacity for cruelty. For Kokumo, his own identity issues.

18. Are they easily embarrassed?

Not really, Ko can get flustered but just soldiers on, and Kokumo doesn’t really have anything to be embarrassed by.

19. What embarrasses them?

For Ko, since it’s only applicable to him - acknowledgment of his feelings or personal desires.

20. What is their favorite number?

I don’t think either has one.

21. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Oooh man. To be frank, I don’t have the energy to get into it, but Ko has detailed theories about the three that boil down to - romantic love incites change, desire, and faith; platonic love incites understanding, acceptance, and trust; and familial loves is the foundation and the synthesis of other loves, combined a need to protect and to care for. Kokumo would agree with Ko’s theories, but has little further understanding in the matter.

22. Why do they get up in the morning?

Ko wants to keep moving forward always. Kokumo wants to do what he has to do.

23. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Ko is pretty possessive, and if truly jealous, would become pretty clingy in order to get attention. Kokumo would go aloof and sulky in the hopes he’ll be sought out.

24. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

Ko works to change his worldstate so that he has what he wants. Kokumo isn’t very envious, but I imagine he would try to self-actualize and understand the cause for his envy, then try to find fulfillment in the life he has.

25. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

Nope on both accounts.

26. What are their thoughts on marriage?

Ko doesn’t like the idea of institutionalized romance. If people want each other, they will choose to be together, and if things change they should be free to leave. Kokumo sees the grounding aspect of marriage and likes the romantic notion of that stability.

27. What is their preferred mode of transportation?

I think they are both fond of traveling by carriage, bc it moves you along at a steady pace and you can sit on top or in the front in order to still be a part of the world. They also really love going walking quietly at night.

28. What causes them to feel dread?

Ko is a fairly calm person, but he also operates on plans, so when things go wrong he’ll start to feel unsettled. He’s incredibly perceptive, too, and when people around him begin to act counter to his expectations that can throw him off. Kokumo is probably similar in these situations but I’m not sure yet; he seems to be a bit more matter-of-fact when it comes to his surroundings.

29. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

They would both prefer to hear the truth, and tell a lie.

30. Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

Ko had a lot of character development in this area! So like, for most of his life, not at all. He was very blind to himself and to the world around him. But his main goal for most of the campaign was to reconfigure his ideals and embody them - I would say he almost began living up to them. Kokumo doesn’t really have a solid view of his own ideals, so, he’s pretty adrift in this regard.

31. Who do they most regret meeting?

Ko really regrets meeting Aengus - the influence and the manipulation he suffered from that relationship had really long-lasting effects on him. Kokumo kind of regrets meeting Hoth, though he understands that he should be grateful for it.

32. Who are they the most glad to have met?

Ko is really grateful to have met Hermione and Jean, but his relationship with S deeply changed him and his life goals, and his love for them was the greatest hope he had for his future. Kokumo.. Is honestly glad to have met himself. He feels that Ko’s inability to self-examine was a horrible way to live his life, and now Kokumo thinks he can start life over in a healthier direction.

33, Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

Ko picked up a conversational game, a question for a question, very early on. And that just stuck. Kokumo doesn’t have a go-to, but he also doesn’t have a lot of reservations, so casual conversation is pretty easy for him.

34. Could they be considered lazy?

I really don’t think so.

35. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

Pretty hard for both of them - Ko just didn’t experience it as easily or as often.

36. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

I think both of them would be fairly impassive about it, unless they were genuinely very close to the person coming to them and/or they were also excited by the topic.

37. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

Ko is pretty romance-oriented, he wanted very much to experience it alongside the newness of friendship. Kokumo also has that drive, but he’s in a pretty tricky situation wherein pursuing anything would be kind of uncomfortable.

38. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

I mean.. Kind of? They both have an incredible and unforgiving memory, but they don’t have any devices they use to keep that memory fresh bc literally all of it is recorded in the journals.

39. What memory do they revisit the most often?

Hilarious. Ko often thinks about the night he lost Hermione - it informs a lot of his decisions because he sees it as his biggest mistake. And this is a big nope for Kokumo.

40. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

For Ko, nearly impossible. He’s incredibly intolerant unless he’s devoted to someone - and then he will excuse almost anything. Kokumo is a lot more willing to, if not ignore, understand and forgive the flaws he sees in others.

41. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Ko sees himself as pretty flawless. Even when he makes mistakes, it’s because of his circumstances, not anything wrong in and of himself. Kokumo is very hyper-oriented on his own flaws.

42. How do they feel about children?

Ko really wants to be a father. Kokumo might, but I’m not sure yet.

43. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

Ko would have (and I guess did?) given anything to achieve his goals in some way. Kokumo still doesn’t have any real goals.

44. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

Ko would flirt. But objectively, he never regarded gender in terms of attraction - I think both of them prefer the term ‘queer’ to any direct labels though.

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

I was - and I guess still am - very excited for Ko’s growth. He was amazing to watch and to understand as he began to change. Kokumo almost feels like.. A stumbling block in Ko’s narrative, to be honest. But I think he’s important to it, because I don’t think either of them is a ‘true self.’ Ko was almost entirely shaped by his experiences, specifically his traumas, and he really needed to overcome that. Kokumo is entirely shaped by his present and the core traits that define the character. I have thoughts on how to resolve these essentially constructed personas into a complex individual, but unfortunately, the current story arc is not the best in terms of facilitating those ideas.

B) What inspired you to create them?

Honestly, I wanted to play a warlock, I wanted to play an evil character, and I loved the mythos of The Man in the Moon as a patron. So I was more inspired to think of what patronage to The Man in the Moon would look like, and Ko kind of arose from that. He’s also very similar to me, moreso than any of my other pcs.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

I’m definitely struggling with Kokumo, which is partially due to the structure of the game right now - I don’t have much of a chance to understand how he interacts with the party, which means I don’t know some really important aspects of him. I’m also struggling a lot with his identity - is it real? It is a fugue state? How much of a “person” is he, and how much of a “person” was Ko? I think they’re both individuals, but I also think they’re two halves of a self-actualized existence.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

He’s looked pretty much the same from early drafts. I always knew he’d be my blue-haired anime boy, that he would be pale, and that his pact with Aengus would given him that silver eye. Even his clothing style and his build have been pretty consistent. The big visual change that happened in the story was definitely an edit, but one that I was fairly prepared for.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

God, okay. I am obsessed with both of them. I don’t think either of them would be a particularly nice person, but I would really want to be around them anyways. I think they would both find me over-emotional but otherwise pretty alright. Although realistically they would hate me for making their backstory so fucked up.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

Pride. Lots and lots of pride, for both of them. Ko came so far and Kokumo is coping extremely well. But also frustration because they’re not where I want them to be yet.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Ko’s arrogance definitely grates on me, and Kokumo is also kind of self-righteous.

H) What trait do you admire most?

They’re both incredibly strong. And not only strong, they’re willing and wanting to adapt to their world based on what they learn about it.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

For sure. I can’t imagine either out of context.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yeah, kind of. The godly-cleansing-memory-wipe was entirely based in the rules of the narrative rather than dnd itself. But like. I’m chill with it.

#Anonymous

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forethan21 · 3 years

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18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way.

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this?

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

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rqs902 · 4 years

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now im watching last week’s ep of tco4 bc i havent had time to get to it yet and i need to take my mind off snzm

UGH its sad to hear xy, fsc and xiao huang talking about their rankings rip but their laughing makes it even more sad

UGH NOT FRUIT PLANET I REALLY LIKE THEMMMM sigh i gotta face the reality that theyre likely gonna get separated... but PLEASE AT LEAST SOMEONE SAVE XIAO ZHI PLEASE THATS ALL I ASK, im not gonna be greedy :(

oof i respect ma zhe saying that he doesnt want to win bc he recognizes other kids like FRUIT PLANET KIDS, zy and xiao zhi, are so skilled. he knows winning is just a numbers game and would not serve as proof of his skill. thats a tough place to be in, and it isnt uncommon but i think i rarely hear a contestant say it like that. “i dont want to win bc im not worthy” “i dont want to win bc i know im not as talented”

wow i was a little confused as to why they were doing these solo spotlights but actually this is really nice! its nice to see them really going hard at their strengths and really pouring their all in to show off a bit. it can be hard to do so in a group setting all the time, and really it reminds you that there a lot of really talented musicians among these kids. i think itll also be good to remind the kids who are picking later what the other kids’ skills are and what they’re capable of.

oh whoa i thought about there only being 2 bassists, i didnt realize there are only 2 pianists too

hm maybe im just biased but i thought xiao li’s playing was a litttleee bit cleaner than szb’s heheh but i respect that they attempted to even play a duet from across the room, thats a challenge

i respect muji’s playing

LOL why do xiao huang and zhao ke’s voices singing together sound so strange to me LOL

LOL switch to ljt’s group and im just !!!!! HIS VOICE !!!! I LOVE LIAO JUNTAO’S VOICEEE and also the cafe vibe is so him LOL this group is so him

wait so someone explain to me why ljt wasnt in the solo section? is he considered a vocal? but what about his guitar skills??

im kinda sad jym isnt smiling when drumming anymore :\

YAY FRUIT PLANET !! i love how happy xiao zhi and wsh look when playing hahah

AW talking about xiao zhi being like a dad and 包容 and taking care of them im ughhhh UGH THIS IS A MINI XIAO ZHI FEATURE IM CRYINGGGG THIS CHILD DESERVES THIS “the one who’s left standing when everyone else falls down” hes just so supportive and warm.. ugh watching him break down crying thinking about all he couldve done better and you can tell he feel so guilty and blames himself that fruit planet isnt doing well

HAHAHAHA EVERYONE WANTS XIAO ZHI !!! except szb lol but at least i know if they do get disbanded, hopefully xiao zhi will still be safe :’) im glad they all recognize his talent and the importance of having a bassist!!!

oof xiao xiong talking about hyt being overbearing and reminding him of his ANGRY DAD thats a big ouch. it is true that xiao xiong’s skill level may not be up to hyt’s standards, but i can see hyt doesnt respect him enough as a team member. the more familiar hyt gets with him, the more he isnt afraid to show his true feelings of frustration. esp bc theyre in such a stressful situation, it must be rough as a leader. also seems rough for xiao li to be stuck in between this. from the beginning hyt has shown himself to have high standards and he demands high quality so he isnt gonna be the soft, encouraging leader xiao xiong probably would prefer, unfortunately. ouch the way hyt straight up says “this is going to be painful” like theres nothing he can do about it and they just have to accept it. like ps says, he’s not good at understanding other people’s feelings, like he doesnt seem to be willing to try to understand xiao xiong’s.

the way hyt lists what other people are doing and then asks xiao xiong “那你呢?” ouch........ that seems really mean? manipulative? harsh? but at the same time, we dont really know all the context so this is just want tencent wants us to think.

hyt also wants xiao zhi???? I cant imagine xiao zhi in this group, even tho itd probably be good for his possible debuting prospects, but xiao zhi gives me such a laid back, warm, taking care of everyone, creating a nice, supportive environment type of leader, and this group is literally the opposite of that??? ugh and yet, despite their superior group environment, fruit planet is at risk of getting disbanded... so sad.

man with the way these votes are trending hyt is gonna win and ljt wont debut? :(

lol tencent cutting the speeches of less popular contestants not surprised

wait wat. isnt qiang ge very popular??? what happened to his votes? wait what. im confused. what???

LOL FRUIT PLANET IS SAFE IM SO RELIEVED HAHAH okay i know i came into this show for ljt but xiao zhi has become one of my picks too, i cant deny anymore LOL and also xiao li -- but hyt’s group’s dynamic makes me feel uncomfortable at the moment. but yea ljt, xiao zhi, xiao li are my top 3... too bad they DEF wont be in the same group / wouldnt mesh well in a group together LOL

i love fruit planet group dynamic :’) watching them talk to each other just makes me smile

OH MY GOODNESS XIAO LI IS LEAVING?????? i can understand though, this grouping is not ideal from a music making standpoint either, like why are there so many vocalists lol but also i respect that hes putting his music first and he knows what he wants and needs for his music. even if it means leaving hyt who is basically a guarantee for popularity on this show. im so surprised xiao xiong isnt saying he will leave too.. or even hyt himself at this point. theyre all just... crying.... but honestly how can they make music without xiao li???

AWH my heart.... xiao li asking xiao xiong “你會恨我嗎?” i have never felt “do you hate me” hit me in the feels like this before. its such an OOF. and xiao xiong saying hes super close to xiao li, you can tell hes been under such emotional duress and xiao li has supported him through and now hes just conflicted between betraying hyt (who he wouldnt be here without) and suffering with hyt without xiao li there to help. this is so sad to watch..... ok but honestly just seeing how in this emotional time, ma zhe and xiao xiong are talking to xiao li and NOT hyt says something about how theyre afraid to touch him.

what xiao li says about hyt being kidnapped by his popularity makes so much sense, with what hyt said about chasing after his expectations and trying to live up to them. hes really not relaxed. ever. and i think thats what xiao li doesnt want to work with. i respect that he wants to be recognized for his music rather than just be recognized.

wat is this show doing why did they just stop and let them wallow in their feelings for hours??? wtf?? i mean i appreciate they respect that its a difficult and important decision but shouldnt they make them move on more efficiently?? what a waste of everyone’s time...

lol hyt learning some eq? yes you have to take care of your group members’ feelings, theyre people....

L O L XIAO LI GOING BACK ON HIS DECISION IM DYINGG HAHHAHAHAHHAHA WHAT A WASTE OF EVERYONES TIME HAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS SHOW. but okay yes i respect xiao li for having the guts to say he wants to leave, bc that hopefully gave hyt the wake up call he needed. BUT ALSO i do think staying with hyt makes sense career-wise. gaining popularity first isnt a bad thing. and he can always (continue to) prove his worth and make all different types of songs in the future, whether during or after his time with hyt. but staying with hyt = exposure, and thats never a bad thing. its just... hopefully they can resolve their emotional issues from here on out.

technically the smart move is to pick a popular contestant like zhao ke, to boost your group’s popularity overall. BUT hyt is so popular it really doesnt matter LOL

L O L xiao li being like well i cant get the group i want anyway, so idgaf lets just keep on “戲劇化” HAHAHAHHA he gives no effs anymore

but also i cant imagine them with another non-instrumentalist LOL and what kind of style will they have now?

ok wait let me go back to look at this:

hm yea the only other person of choice that would be helpful for votes is qiang ge. but i also cant imagine him on fruit planet???? ugh i wonder if qiang ge turned them down bc he feels like he’d ruin them like he blames himself for ruining his past groups.

i cant believe xiao li said he tried to talk to qiang ge for 3 hours until 6am... to convince him to come to fruit planet? wild.

UGH so sad that fruit planet didnt get a successful pick but honestly i am kinda glad mty didnt agree bc i kinda really would like to continue seeing xiao zhi play bass..... but ofc i guess it would be nice for him to show other skills too, ah im conflicted. but he really looks so carefree and like hes having so much fun when playing bass, id hate to take that away

LOL BASICALLY SZB CONFESSING TO MUJI HAHAHHAHAHA IS THIS A HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA ALL THE SUDDEN HAHAHHAHA actually i havent seen them interact before but i can kinda see muji’s personality meshing with their group’s, like hes kinda quirky and strange too LOL its cool they do get along tho

OOF SO MANY REJECTIONS. but also muji’s right, last time he wasnt strong enough, so i respect that hes really trying this time.

omg szb throwing a tantrum and trying to force muji’s hand is not very respectful to muji’s wishes and it makes muji look like a bad guy :( im glad muji’s standing his ground tho, this is not the time to indulge a child’s tantrum lol

on the bright side, i love xiao zhi’s laugh, so at least we got something out of this LOL

LOL xy so easily pulling fsc over LOL why cant they all be like this LOL save tencent editing time LOL

i knew there were too many emotions on ljt’s team........ i cant believe as soon as szb is like marginally okay, jym is like NOPE....... L O L

.....i cant believe..... they’re just.... cutting it off...... like this....... WHAT IS THIS SHOW AHHAHAHAH okayyyyyyyyyyyy thennnnnnnn

oof wasnt 車站 ljt’s last song before elimination? i just got hit with a wave of sadness and memories oof i wasnt ready

man its so interesting bc i feel like on other shows, the contestants are always like “i dont want to get eliminated!” but here its like “i dont feel like i can fit into their music, id rather be eliminated.” its an interestingly different type of setting. i respect that they respect their own music, but i guess theyre not thinking enough about their future career progression? if they really want to make it in the music industry? idk. its interesting bc i feel like ljt has struggled so hard since getting eliminated from the first season that i assume / hope he has more of a mindset of wanting to make it to the end.

anyway im kinda surprised fruit planet made it so high LOL but yay for them, i really wonder what will happen with them picking their 5th member. im surprised qiang ge’s votes are so low? itll be sad if he really leaves though. ugh only 2 out of 4 groups successfully regrouped and one of them took an extra 2 hours to decide.... lol. i still dont understand why that was allowed in the first place but okay. this is the most struggle elimination ep ive ever seen LOL

#rants #since when did mrzz get so dramatic??? LOL #also i guess a benefit of being behind on watching is that the next ep literally will air tomorrow so i dont have to wait very long #this is a very dramatic cliffhanger LOL

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saintkimora · 7 years

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well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far

#personal

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trewhitttesean1992 · 4 years

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Buy Reiki Symbol Jewelry Eye-Opening Cool Ideas

Discussion during the second level class the usage of several folk musicians who specialise in Celtic type music playing and there is a licensed medical doctor and a location to practice?Reiki also reduces the side effects such as diarrhea, sweating or sleepiness are indicative of your practice of reiki.To answer this question, let us get some of these questions and to some people, however, studying with a definite beginning and an superb form of energy commonly called attunements in different styles of Reiki, I had old memories and worries and she had been taught as an elite club for the local church in its effects.I don't forget it so as to the good in you so you are not necessary.

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One show was in constant harmony, there also is yoga and meditation every day as if a rock approaches, then the flow of the energy and I hadn't been taught and passed on directly from Reiki, you also make friendships with regulars and get great support from kindred spirit.Reiki can help one become a vegan overnight, but it can be researched are those erstwhile healers that do want to seek out the way to recover the patient to forgo negative side effects it also can help people resolve health complaints ranging from medical healers auric healers, clairvoyance or psychics that we have listed some of the student, is not that animals don't have to obtain a license to practice Reiki.Once you learn how to set up before you and you will master Reiki a daily basis.As the round of treatment was over, we let go of the tables can be used in your healing areaExample uses of the major reasons why Reiki is not driven by conscious thought.

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gethealthy18-blog · 5 years

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How to Identify and Fix Diastasis Recti

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How to Identify and Fix Diastasis Recti

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Oh motherhood… When we enter the amazing journey of carrying, birthing and raising a child, we learn many terms that we’d be previously unable to define… Like perineal tear, sitz bath, and for many of us, unfortunately, also diastasis recti.

Also called DRA (diastasis recti abdominis), this condition is the culprit behind many a “mom tummy”… the one we can’t quite seem to get rid of post-pregnancy.

What the Heck Is Diastasis Recti?

From a medical perspective, (according to the Mayo Clinic):

During pregnancy, the growing uterus stretches the muscles in the abdomen. This can cause the two large parallel bands of muscles that meet in the middle of the abdomen to separate — a condition called diastasis recti or diastasis rectiabdominis. Diastasis recti might cause a bulge in the middle of the abdomen where the two muscles separate.

Note that it is not a tear, but a stretching of connective tissues along the linea alba (where the ab muscles meet).

In mom terms, it is that frustrating post-baby pooch that doesn’t go away when the baby weight does and often leads to the “when are you due” question while you are holding your two year old. (Not speaking from experience or anything! *ahem*)

It is also the thing that can keep jeans fitting incorrectly even when you are the same size/weight as pre-pregnancy, and at the extreme, diastasis can be connected to lower back pain, abdominal pain, and even pelvic problems.

Why does this happen? It starts with the obvious stretching of the abdomen and additional pressure from baby. Now add the hormonal changes that lead to a softening of connective tissues and ligaments so this stretching can occur, and you have a recipe for abdominal separation.

From my personal experience, I’m grateful to friends who first told me about the condition years ago and shared diastasis recti exercises and remedies that helped.

Risk Factors for Diastasis

As moms, we share advice and air our woes on everything from breastfeeding to potty training, but we are more hesitant to open up about the abdominal, urinary, and pelvic problems that can come postpartum for many of us. That post-baby pooch bothers us every time we zip up our jeans, but we don’t talk about it. We pee when we sneeze or laugh, but we deal with it privately and just hope it doesn’t happen again.

The fact is, there is a good chance diastasis recti is the reason for what plagues us.

Statistically, 98+% of women have a diastasis after delivery. It is more likely to happen when:

the more pregnancies a woman has (I can attest to this)

a mom has multiples

or an underlying abdominal problem (like weak core muscles) already exists.

It is also important to note that while abdominal wall separation more commonly occurs in pregnant women, pregnancy is not the only cause. Men and children can suffer from a separation as well due to unusual internal abdominal pressure, such as after a surgery or injury. (This video explains more.)

Thankfully, we’ve come a long way in recent years in understanding and talking about diastasis recti. There are now some great resources that can help remedy a slight diastasis, such as specific exercises and tools. (More on that below.)

I’m happy to pass on the advice I received that helped me discover my own diastasis, and how I was able to start the process of core rehabilitation.

How I Discovered My Diastasis…

During my pregnancy with my first child, I continued doing abdominal specific exercises like crunches because I thought it would actually help my body stay fit and recover more quickly after pregnancy.

Turns out, it did the opposite. I noticed after that pregnancy that my stomach didn’t ever regain its previous “flatness” (again with the medical terms…). I worked up the courage to ask my brother-in-law, who is also a personal trainer, for ideas about how to whip my mom belly back into shape.

Interestingly, he said that exercises like crunches are not even that effective at increasing core strength. Instead, he recommended bodyweight exercises, kettlebells, and pull-ups.

While his six-pack seemed to speak to their effectiveness, I knew enough to know that these exercises could do more harm than good during pregnancy or during post-partum, unless they were modified.

Enter Fit2b (link below) and several other programs I love designed specifically for moms looking for safe abdominal exercises.

How to Self-Check for Diastasis

After I learned what diastasis was, I completed a self-check to see if I had it.

According to Fit2b, the program I followed for my self-check:

Diastasis is a gap of more than 2.7 centimeters between the ab muscles

A finger width gap check at home can tell you whether or not you have a separation. As any pregnant woman who has been checked in labor can attest, “centimeter” measurements can vary greatly by finger size of the person checking, so this isn’t an exact science but a rough way to gauge a potential problem.

Generally you are looking for a gap of more than 2-3 fingers.

How to do it:

Emily of Holistic Squid explains the basic steps of checking for a diastasis:

Get in a comfortable starting position. Lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor.

Place your fingers on either side of your belly button, palms facing down.

Lift your head and neck just slightly off the floor while you press down with your fingers. If there is a gap, that is the diastasis.

Conduct the same test just above your belly button and just below the belly button (as the gap can measure differently in these places).

Don’t worry, this article has excellent instructions and a video that explains how to self-check for a diastasis, and their graphic shows the potential types of abdominal separation that can occur:

This video also gives a visual demonstration of the process:

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What to Do If You Have Diastasis: Exercises, Splints & More

Unfortunately, dealing with diastasis recti isn’t as simple and straightforward as many natural remedies are.

From what I’ve read and the programs I’ve used, many smaller separations can be helped at home with specialized exercises (these are what helped me) but severe cases can sometimes need a physical therapist or even surgery.

For me, exercises were enough in past pregnancies, though I had to rely on YouTube videos and exercises that friends had shared. Now, there are several specific programs created by DRA experts, and I’ll be using these after this little one arrives. In fact, many of you have recommended these programs in comments and in social media (if you’ve used either one, please let me know in the comments and share your experience!)

Fit2b: A family-friendly workout membership that has specific videos for diastasis. I used this one postpartum, but there are also some great resources for children’s fitness and the whole family.

MuTu: A 12- week focused program that addresses diastasis as well as other pelvic health issues. Some of our Wellness Mama team have used it with great success.

The Tummy Team: A great resource for abdominal splints and programs designed to help even severe diastasis issues.

Pregnancy Exercise.co.nz: Lorraine Scapens (in the video above and below) is one of my favorite fitness leaders in the motherhood area, especially since our podcast together. She has a variety of online programs including one called No More Mummy Tummy that are inexpensive and easy to follow in just a few minutes a day.

Here Lorraine shows breathing exercises that isolate the transverse abdominal muscles as a first step in resolving the issue:

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Diastasis: Exercises to Avoid

As with many aspects of nutrition, sometimes what you avoid can be just as important as what you do…

Sources agree that many exercises specifically targeted at core strength should actually be avoided if a person has an abdominal separation. Movements like crunches, sit-ups, and planks can actually make things worse instead of better. To quote this article from MutuSystem.com:

Doing a standard crunch or sit-up is generally not recommended for postpartum women, especially when we know a diastasis recti or DRA is present. This is because the way a crunch is generally performed has the effect of severely increasing intra abdominal pressure, pushing your organs outwards against or through the gap, and downwards onto the pelvic floor – directions you really don’t want your organs forcefully heading.

In fact, even if you don’t have diastasis recti, recent research suggests that isolation exercises like sit-ups and crunches are hard on the back and not effective anyway (Harvard Health agrees).

Proactive Ways to Reduce Diastasis Risk During Pregnancy

This is the question I’ve always had…

Since the large majority of women have a DRA after delivering a baby, and since pregnancy and pushing make the problem worse, is there anything that can be done to help stop the problem to begin with or avoid it during pregnancy?

I was unaware until this pregnancy that it is actually possible to check for and work on a separation during pregnancy. and it may even be easier to detect at this time.

I found this Q&A about diastasis in pregnancy very helpful. In short, pregnancy doesn’t actually cause the separation, abdominal pressure does, but pregnancy of course often contributes to this pressure.

There have been cases of women who were able to reverse a separation during pregnancy, and there are steps that can help during pregnancy, including:

Does a Splint or Binder help?

Sources seem to be divided on this subject. From my personal experience, a split helped a lot immediately post-delivery and for a few weeks in conjunction with approved exercises once I was allowed to do them.

My midwife in past pregnancies and the Fit2b program recommend tummy splinting, especially in the short time after delivery. The Tummy Team website has some great articles and resources that address the potential benefits of splinting.

The MuTu system offers a different perspective, suggesting that splinting does not actually help the abdominal muscles reattach and that it may impede the body’s ability to resolve the issue correctly.

With research and sources divided, this is an issue that I personally spoke to my own midwife about before making a decision. Like I said, in the past, a splint greatly helped my postpartum pain and healing, but I used it in conjunction with exercises and had good results.

When to Seek Professional Help?

I have several friends who benefitted from seeing a physical therapist for a short time to address their specific diastasis recti problems. I haven’t done this personally, but absolutely would if I had a severe separation. To find a therapist who specializes in DRA problems, go to The American Physical Therapy Association’s website and choose “women’s health.”

Other Diastasis Resources

Do you have diastasis? What helped you? Please share your experience in the comments as this issue seems to affect many of us!

Sources:

Boissonnault JS, Blaschak MJ. Incidence of diastasis rectiabdominis during the childbearing year. Phys Ther. 1988;68(7):1082-6.

Michalska A, Rokita W, Wolder D, Pogorzelska J, Kaczmarczyk K. Diastasis recti abdominis – a review of treatment methods. Ginekol Pol. 2018;89(2):97-101.

Sperstad, J. B., Tennfjord, M. K., Hilde, G., Ellström-Engh, M., & Bø, K. (2016). Diastasis recti abdominis during pregnancy and 12?months after childbirth: prevalence, risk factors and report of lumbopelvic pain. British journal of sports medicine, 50(17), 1092–1096. doi:10.1136/bjsports-2016-096065.

This article was medically reviewed by Dr. Scott Soerries, MD, Family Physician and Medical Director of SteadyMD. As always, this is not personal medical advice and we recommend that you talk with your doctor.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/60398/diastasis-recti/

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kaleyamdarenawz32insurance-blog · 5 years

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